#avoiding a fight
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A few messages about self-defense
PART 1: Avoiding A Fight
In a recent Twitter thread, I explained in wide, general terms how to safely navigate your way through a fight. After an influx of DMs and comments, I decided to expand upon it here.
I am not attempting to glorify fighting. It is a brutal, ugly way of resolving (and creating more) problems. Sometimes, though, the fight comes to you, or you have to fight to prevent greater harm. It is for those instances that I'm writing this post.
Keep in mind I'm discussing empty-hand fighting here. Given the thousands of laws, restrictions, and so forth on weapons, any advice I might give could land you in serious hot water. This is about self-preservation, not risk-seeking.
A fistfight, once begun, is about focus and reflex. This isn't sabers, there are no rules. There is your goal, your obstacle, and your ability. Your first goal should be to avoid the fight entirely.
In fact, most fights end before they begin. This is the vastly preferred outcome. Sizing each other up, looking for support or opportunity, weighing whether coming to blows is worth it - these are important, necessary things. Furthermore, this is something you can train.
Training to avoid fights might sound weird, but it's vitally important. Everything we do on this planet is about resources, and your time and health are the most valuable of those. Why would you risk both getting into fights where a fight wasn't necessary?
Of course, there are those times where a fight comes to you - someone is looking for prey, and you'll do fine. They want your cash, or your fear, or your blood - regardless of the reason - and this is not something you can negotiate once the fight begins. There are steps you can take, habits you can adopt, to help avoid being that prey.
Before we dive in to this topic, I want to take a moment to make this perfectly clear:
While it is possible to make yourself a less-attractive target, if you have been attacked it is not your fault or responsibility. Do not feel guilty if someone has harmed you in the past. You're not the one to blame, the person who initiated the conflict is.
Ok? Ok.
How do you train to avoid a fight?
People get into fights when presented with a situation from which negotiation is not possible. If someone knows they can (or should) discuss something with you instead of going through you, a fight is less likely to occur.
People also get into fights when bullies (or worse) decide they're a suitable target. By appearing as a less-suitable choice for their prey, you can reduce the chance of being assaulted.
Training here is largely about awareness, poise, and thinking things through. This is the only part of fighting where thinking is valuable. Once the fight begins, you need to turn your brain off, so make sure you make good use of it before you do.
NEGOTIATION
You're walking from your job to your car. It's early evening, and while the shadows are long there's still plenty of light. It's a little chilly, so you have your collar up and are briskly moving, making a beeline for your car. You stop by your door, and fish in your pockets or bag for your keys. Suddenly, someone's looming over you and threatening you for your wallet.
Sounds like the fight's on? No, not yet.
Stop. Do not move anything, and don't try to get a good view of them now. Tell them where your wallet is. Ask if you can get it or if they want to. If it's in a bag, offer the bag after telling them the wallet's in there, and you can offer them the bag.
You're in the negotiation phase, here. Your job is to assess what they want, give it to them if feasible (it's almost always feasible), and get out safely. Keep talking, politely, unless you're told to stop.
You can use this time to remind your assailant that you are a person and want out of this tense situation just as badly as they do. Ask if you can keep your keys so you can get home. If you have important medicine, ask if you can keep that. Questions like these show you're complying and remind them you have an existence outside of your current interaction.
As someone who's been mugged a few times? Simply listening, responding, and complying has gotten me out of some scary situations. Did I lose my wallet? Yes. Did I walk away? Also, yes. That's the important part.
But unless you like giving wallets away, negotiating out of every fight isn't going to do you much good. So, let's take a step back and see what else we could have done?
RISK AWARENESS
You're about to walk from your job to your car. It's early evening, and while the shadows are long there's still plenty of light. You mention to Laura in the back office - she works nights - that you're heading out, and ask if she'll keep an eye from inside for a moment. Before you leave, you take your keys and put them in your hand, holding the key for your car door at the ready.
You step out, and while it's a little chilly, you keep your collar down and your hands otherwise free. You pause for a second as Laura waits at the door, and scan the parking lot. There's a large van next to your car, and Laura's car is two spots over. A few other cars in farther spots might belong to the other workers elsewhere in the strip mall.
You make note of the van, and if a plate is visible give it a glance. Keys in hand you walk to the opposite side of the car, open the door, and toss your bag in, still watching the area around your car and the nearby van. If someone suddenly moves towards you from anywhere, you've decided, you'll follow your bag in on the passenger side and lock the door behind you.
Nothing happens, so you walk around the front of the car, staying in view of Laura, unlock that door and get in, locking it immediately behind you. You start your engine, give Laura a wave of thanks, and head out.
In this instance, you made an effort to reduce risk. You identified potential sources of harm, reduced things that would limit your visibility, asked for a buddy, avoided entering potentially dangerous areas, made a plan, removed temptations, and so forth. Whoever was in the van took note of that, and decided that they'd have easier pickings elsewhere*.
So, what's a risk? It's a grim bit of study but the answer is 'potentially everything'. This isn't meant to engender paranoia, but acknowledging where harm might come from is situational, and might not apply to you in a given situation. In this situation, the unknown van beside your car would be a clear risk for anyone.
PRESENCE OF MIND
While risk assessment helped in the prior scenario, it's not always possible to scope out a situation before you enter it. In these cases, risk assessment is more of a background noise, a ping when you observe something that can increase danger - but in an unfamiliar location or situation, those pings are few and far between.
This is where we begin to familiarize ourselves with instinct and reflex. If I'm nervous about being somewhere, I might show it by rushing, or trying to avoid notice. Folks looking for targets will notice that.
So long as you aren't literally skulking in shadows, the best way to avoid being noticed is to act like you belong where you are. Walking for a pub? You've been here before, one hand reaching for the latch and the other loosely hanging from a thumb hooked into your pocket, a smile on your face.
An easy smile (and fabulous hair) isn't a ticket out, though. Presence of mind is more than masking to seem like one of the crowd. You still need to identify potential sources of risk, and rate them against your abilities. Let's walk back up to that pub.
You step out of your car in the parking lot, near enough to a streetlight that you won't be coming back to darkness. From here, it's navigation. Scan your eyes across your path a few paces ahead as you begin walking for the door. Notice traffic patterns. Are folks lining up to get in? Steer yourself to the line, don't bumble about.
The sidewalk is broken up ahead, and there's gravel next to the missing corner. That's a hazard, and one you can step around easily if you adjust your path early. The line's backing up along an alley. No worry, you can hang back and let someone fill the line ahead of you, then use them as a screen. Maybe even strike up a conversation if they seem friendly enough.
Glancing at your reflection in a window, you take note of who's standing behind and ahead of you as you adjust your collar. Does it all look ok? The guy in front of you might be a cop. There's the silhouette of cuffs in his jeans pocket. If trouble starts, you might want to keep him between yourself and the trouble. Of course, he might also be the trouble.
This constant observation, evaluation, and filing away is a mental exercise, and one you'll get better with over time. For my fellow ADHD / spectrum friends, it's something you probably do already.
When in unfamiliar places, you'll learn to do it quickly, quietly, without gawking, and while keeping your 'mask' up. Eventually it will become second nature, and as you physically train you'll begin to notice things that matter in hand-to-hand combat - others' stances, how they hold their hands or shoulders, etc.
Hope this helps for now. I'll be following up with another post in a day or two about the physical side of preparation. Take care of yourself out there.
Love, Dad.
*Unless you're planning on living the life of a vigilante, or enacting laws about pre-crime, the most upsetting thing about defending yourself and preventing assault is the knowledge that you might just be passing it down the line to someone who looks weaker. This is a societal ill, and does not fall within the scope of what I'm discussing here. We clearly do need more support at the street level to help people live lives where attacking others, for whatever reason, is not a valid option.
#fighting#hand-to-hand#confidence#presence of mind#awareness#risk assessment#negotiation#avoiding a fight#twitter cross-post
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Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves
#sketching my blorbo to prevent going insane haha#my friend has presented me with some epic the musical songs#that are very VERY jason coded#going insane actually#go give ruthlessness a listen i beg you#you mean to tell me that 'Cause you fight to save lives#but won't kill and don't get the job done#I mean#you totally could have avoided all this had you just killed [my son]#are you meaning to tell me thats not THEMS#change 'my son' for the joker the fucking clown whatever u get it#jason todd#red hood#dc comics#digital art#dc fanart#art#sketch#fanart#artists on tumblr
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my main advice for writing an enemies to lovers relationship is to resist the urge to make the characters' loathing and attraction mutually exclusive opposing forces. it's okay if they're getting weirdly into it and having Thoughts whilst also sincerely wanting to kill each other with hammers.
#🐉#read some really good [redacted to avoid maintags] fics lately where theyre like#'yeah i used to pray for you to die badly and in pain. but i also wanted to have nasty fight sex with you in the meantime.'#thats what its all about <3
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What a deal!
FIRST - PREVIOUS - NEXT
MASTERPOST (for the full series / FAQ / reference sheets)
#deltarune#undertale#crossover#utdr#crossover comic#undertale fanart#deltarune fanart#twin runes#twin runes comic#my art#kris dreemurr#frisk#chara#deltarune susie#ralsei#2500 bucks to just enter a dark world#if this isn't the best dark world in existence I'm gonna be pissed#we'll be in for disappointment aren't we?#so much for trying to avoid fighting at any cost#literally...
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Dick, eye twitching a little: "So kids are a little..." *hand gesture* "How the hell did you put up with me?"
Bruce, keeping his voice low, surveying the inhabitants of the Cave: "It wasn't easy, I thought of leaving you at a fire station once a week."
Dick: "Did you get that line from Alfred?"
Bruce:
Dick: "Nice try. Alfred told me I was a saint compared to you."
#*both of them duck to avoid a Batarang that gets thrown*#I just love the idea of things evening out a little between them with time?#Like Bruce continues to be ridiculously imperfect as a father/mentor/crime-fighting partner but they get more#and Dick is the best source of knowing him after Alfie maybe#so things even out (imperfectly) with time#batman#dc comics#bruce wayne#dick grayson#personal
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fr tho i understand why crowley wants them to run away together and run from all of it but he just seems to have forgotten that aziraphale does not cower, he doesn't back down, and he. does. not. run.
and honestly, crowley knows it:
#like yes aziraphale is naive and jittery and anxious about it#but he DOES. NOT. RUN#fucking fights to the last man the legend that he is#theres a reason the demon handbook says to avoid him and describes him as a demon smiter#man is NAILS given half a chance#good omens#just pure aziraphale appreciations here im sorry#aziraphale meta#s1 meta
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playing a bard
#dnd#bg3#baldur's gate 3#look i love to play a character with at least +10 persuasion and avoid all fighting. IT'S CALLED TACTICS#fanart#misc fanart
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Battinson and Dick going trick or treating as Batman and Robin. Except Bruce is Robin and Dick is Batman.
#to avoid suspicion ofc#Halloween is either Bruce’s favorite holiday or he hates it with all his heart#mostly bc of all the people dressed as batman#he fights against correcting their suits Zuko style#bruce wayne#dick grayson#battinson#batdad#happy halloweeeeeeen#dc#text#batman
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Prompt 225
Klarion is EXCITED. He's absolutely DELIGHTED even, unable to sit still as he flits from place to place. His baby cousin! Is! Visiting! Which OBVIOUSLY means he, as the older one, must make sure the main places are still standing so he can show his itty bitty baby cousin EVERYTHING! After all, he's never gotten to be the older one! He's always been the youngest in the family! But now he has an itty bitty toddler cousin- form recently shifted to match- to teach the ways of Chaos to! He's so EXCITED!
The League and heroes on the other hand, are Very concerned about Why the Witch Boy has been spotted in practically every major city in the US in the last few days. What is he planning?!
#prompts#dcxdp#dpxdc#klarion the witch boy#Danny fenton#Chaos & Clockwork are twin primordials#Danny might be stuck in this toddler form while he grows up again but this won't stop him#He is down for playing with his new cousin- aka causing mischief & exploring#Klarion is the realms equivalent of a 6 year old#Chaos has a very hands off approach to parenting while CW looks like he has a hands off approach#He is in fact a bit of a helicopter parent just via looking through mirrors#Danny is his first ghostling and look at all the danger he's gotten into at the fetus age of 3#He has a right to worry!#DC world is the equivalent of a playground for primordial beings to let their kids run around in#At least that's how they see it#Ghosts fight for playing so that's what Klarion does with the league kid/teen teams lol#There has been many a miscommunication due to most entities avoiding Realms beings like the plagues#space core danny#DANNY IS NOT GHOST KING
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some of the right words
#akia art#olba#baxter ward#olba mc#maggie fighting for her life (colorized)#girl went into step 3 a casual dater and it took all of two (2) moments for her to accept she was screwed#doubly so bc it was supposed to be seasonal 🤣 it's such a fun premise for how it engages the mc's own complexities#i wonder how long it took baxter to fall on his ass tbh#i feel like he was self-aware enough to know it was happening but there had to have been an element of frog in boiling water to it#what w all that 19 yo emotional constipation LMAO#and the writing's preoccupation w coexisting dualities#the recoil of refusing to perceive until perceiving happens beyond your control must be insane#anyway i was also fighting for my life trying to draw a mouth kiss and that's why i've avoided them until now#tell me why it's giving the slobbery make out meme 😭🤣
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hehe, them,, >:)
#shadowgast#caleb widogast#essek thelyss#critical role fanart#critical role#cr2#artistsontumblr#i was bored so i doodled them#im avoiding artfight atm bc im burnt out art-wise lmao#jumping back on there to deck ppl in a minute but >:)#i love fighting#anyway havent drawn these lads in a hot minute-
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Doodles of loser behaviour (he gets kisses)
Another loser behaviour (he gets kisses, again)
they bring Roberto a headache on a daily basis
#merylvash!! merylvash!!!!!!!! (yelling loudly on the top of my lungs)#you know when you actively avoid something because you know you'll inevitably fall into an endless spiral of it once you trip and fall?#that's me with meryl (points at girl crush)#it's too late... i've started another obsession I cannot turn myself back onto anymore. sighs. girl crush hits hard.#heads up tho my take on meryl is a bit ooc. like ''the most studious student that definitely has a wild college life'' kinda take.#i think she can handle them both. ''in a fight?'' you may ask. schrödinger effect ensues#trigun#trigun stampede#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#meryl stryfe#vashwood#vashmeryl#mashwood#myuminjiart
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a moment of peace ft. baby willa (blonda) and wanda (i wanted to draw the family together)
#their parents did NOT get along after they were born#loved their kids but neither one wanted to drop their career to raise their twins. mostly hid the fighting from the kids#the fairly oddparents#fairly oddparents#fop#fop wanda#wanda fairywinkle#they had lots of other fundamental problems. the kids just made it so they couldnt avoid it
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Something tells me this isn't Flowey...
FIRST - PREVIOUS - NEXT
MASTERPOST (for the full series / FAQ / reference sheets)
#deltarune#undertale#crossover#utdr#crossover comic#undertale fanart#deltarune fanart#twin runes#twin runes comic#my art#kris dreemurr#susie deltarune#frisk#so much for avoiding fights#how are they supposed to get past that thing?#things are only gonna gett weirder from here on out#also great job susie#you and your big mouth#unsuspecting tiny thing turning into a big monster is the trope ever
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trying to casually explain katsuki’s devotion to izuku is impossible because why does it go from helping him train to RISKING HIS LIFE FOR HIM in a split second
#and it just escalates it never simmers HE KEEPS OUTDOING HIMSELF EVERY TIME#like having a quirk awakening isn’t enough he also has to think of deku when he wakes up in the hospital and fight to get to his room#AND THEN he has to apologize in the rain and call him by his first name AND catch him in his arms#AND THEN he has to panic when separated from him and dedicate his entire fight to what he’s learned… always thinking about deku#IZUKU AS HIS LAST WORD BEFORE HE DIES????#IZUKU AS THE PERSON HE NEEDS TO SEE WHEN HE REVIVES#MOTIVATING IZUKU RIGHT BEFORE HE PASSES OUT#AVOIDING MEDICAL CARE (AGAIN) TO REACH HIM#SOBBING AND DECLARING HOW HE’D LIKE THEM TO SPEND THE REST OF THEIR LIVES TOGETHER#spending 8 years to ensure izuku is by his side as a hero again…#LIKE RELAX?????????#bkdk#dkbk#bakudeku#dekubaku#:’)#ktdk
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lucanis giving himself nosebleeds and struggling in pain from trying so hard not to let spite take over to talk to rook. lucanis "I don't need time - I need a target" dellamorte. spite with its absolute gremlin energies. spite with "[rook] doesn't want to hurt you. how rare. everyone else does." as it twists lucanis' inner-most feelings while no one else can see that inner fight he's dealing with. i am SO here for all of this, all of him, all of that angst.
#da4 spoilers#veilguard spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#the way they are portraying that inner struggle is SO compelling#i am SO READYYY#i was a weak bitch i could not avoid the spoilers for that man#OUGH#edit: okay tbf spite gives him the nosebleed but still. we know that man be fighting the possession
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