#averagegoatman

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Rags looks over a sports magazine. He lies in his living room's couch. He flips through the magazine of professional athletes, both of regular looking humans, furry men, and everything in between. Rags stops flipping through to see a professional swimmer, a hippo man, who looks like he could easily walk from one side of the pool to the other without the water bothering him. While Rags is hot, he gets bothered by a knock at his front door, dropping his magazine to the floor.

Rags sits up and looks around, he hides his magazine underneath the couch cushion. He stands up and goes to the door, only expecting maybe a cookie package from his gardener. Rags opens the door, staring at white fluffy feet in black sandles. Rags looks up and stands upright. Goat looks exhausted.

"Hey Goat, how are you?" Rags asks, scratching the back of his head with a questioning expression on his face.

Goat puts a hand over his eyes and says, "Howdy, Dick. I probably shouldn't have walked in the sun all day".

Rags taps his foot, "already with insults?"

"I thought Dick was short for Richard, besides, yours stretches out those short shorts pretty far-"

Rags slams the door once he understands what Goat is talking about. He runs across the house and gets on a large shirt to cover himself up. Rags sighs, doubting Goat will still be there. Rags drags himself back to the front door. Upon opening the door he sees Goat leaning against the wall still covering his eyes.

"Is it safe to look?" Goat asks.

"You could've just told me I had a hard on damn it!" Rags shouts.

Goat removes his hand, "I'll take that as a yes. May I come in?"

"... yes, come on in Gage. I didn't give you my address for nothing. Though you were supposed to get here, if I recall correctly, TOMORROW!"

"I can leave if you-"

"NO, please don't! I just didn't expect you to show up is all. Can I take you to my room? That's where I keep a lot of my stuff anyways".

Goat nods. Rags moves to let Goat in and closes the door for him. Goat follows Rags through his house up to his room. Goat compliments the house being clean. Getting into Rags' room Goat flops himself halfway onto Rags' bed. Rags just chuckles.

"I like lying on my bed like that too", Rags laughs, "nice ass by the way".

"What?" Goat responds, he also crawls deeper onto the bed.

Rags shakes his head, "it's nothing, nothing at all. So you just wanna hang out?"

"Yeah, basically", Goat rolls over onto his back and kicks off his sandles, "had nothing better to do, and Catharine said I should".

"Ah. Do you want to dress up or something?"

"If you have anything I'd like wearing", Goat chuckles.

Rags digs in his closet and brings out a spiked collar, "does this-"

Goat snags the collar, and starts putting it on, "does it look nice?"

Rags blinks, "... you really move fast when you want to. I got a few more peices to go with it".

"Sure thing, I like this punk stuff".

Rags searches his closet, shifting around clothes until he finds pants with a few chains that match the style. He hands over the black pants to Goat, and keeps himself facing the closet, looking for more to go with it. After five more minutes, he finds studded boots and a jacket, producing them from the closet. He watches as Goat takes off his shirt, and wishes to object, but stops himself from doing so. Turning back to the closet he looks for a few more things to finish the outfit.

"Hey Rags", Goat starts to ask, "could I possibly get some socks?"

"Sure, for the boots, right?" Rags asks.

"No, for my horns, what else?"

"Ha ha. Looking for some now".

Goat moves his ears around to deal with the spike studded collar. Rags hands over some socks, but as well fingerless gloves with spiked bracelets on the end. Goat slips on the socks and puts the boots onto his feet. Rags gets a brush and starts styling Goat's fur, to help convey the look. Goat puts on the gloves, and tightens them. Rags brings a black power over to Goat.

"Hey, no!" Goat Objects, "I don't like makeup gels, too cold".

"Oh, no, this is a charcoal powder. It's what I use to darken my hair", Rags explains, "I wanted to darken the underneath of your eyes".

"Well I..." Goat thinks about it, breaths in and sighs, "fine Richard, just do it".

"Thank you", Rags says. Goat closes his eyes, and Rags applies the power.

"Can I open my eyes yet?"

"Nope, it'll get in your eyes if you do so now".

"Hey, how do you keep this powder out of your right eye?"

"I only put the powder on top, and some of it goes down, sure, but most of it stays out. I've had some fall into my eyes, it burns".

"Good to know".

"OK, done".

Goat stands up, "the boots are kinda heavy".

Rags looks up, "they make you really tall..."

"You're already short, Richard".

"Gage, they make you much taller, you ass!"

Goat pats Rags' head as he says, "yeah, yeah, you're just always short".

"... I uh... you look great like that, maybe later I can paint your horns with nail polish".

"Maybe later", Goat says, clearly unsure if he'd want that.

"Oh, I do have all my gaming stuff here, and a few controllers".

"Alright, I'm down".

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[gagefandom]

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[mrfandomgage]

Lily, crouching down: must me wake them up? They were working all night

Goat, nervous: Please don't do that, it just makes it more apparent

Lily, standing upright: sorry, I thought it'd help

Goat: thank you. Anyway, I can't afford a mechanic or carpenter or whatever for that wreck outside

Lily, opening the door: we could just wait for them to wake

Goat, walking in: they'll understand

Lily, ducking in, whispering: no one got hurt, it's not urgent

Goat, flicking on the light: they're gods, they can pacify their mortal bodies in an instant

Gage and Alex lie in bed, mostly covered in blankets. It's apparent they're entangled together, arms embracing one another. They're also clearly asleep, lightly breathing with little to no movement.

Lily: look at them, they're cute. We should just wait.

Goat, taking one of their water bottles and dumping it on them: wake up

Alex and Gage both unwrap an arm, flipping off Goat. Lily starts stamping a foot in increased irritation.

Lily, Shouting: GOAT! WHA-

Her shouting is interrupted by Gage groaning. He's folding in on himself. Alex is apologizing patting his back.

Lily, slinking away: i'msorrysososorry, i'llseeyoulater

Alex, annoyed: ok, what happened, other than my knee smashi-

Goat: Lynn crashed Siff's car into the garage

Gage, angry: Get me a fucking towel Mutton Man or I SWEAR TO GOD! I will tear your limbs off again!

Alex, watching Goat leave: ... I'll go fix the house and car

Gage: ... the what?

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Minos Prime: But the crimes your kind have-

Goat: Shut up, and listen. I only got a dollar in coins, will that be enough to buy your death

Minos: ... it's at least going to cost $2.50

Goat: well then I guess I'll work for-

*JUDGEMENT*

[gagefandom]

[mrfandomgage]

Peppino sits, staring at the doorway. He checks a watch, it's been seven minutes. His employee is taking a while. His heart pounds as the seconds of the watch tick. Seven minutes fifteen seconds. He assures himself his employee is fine. Seven minutes twenty seconds. He assures himself the employee is nearly done. Seven minutes twenty-three seconds. He worries his employee is dead. Seven minutes, twenty eight seconds. Peppino gets up and bolts to the door, only to clash into a mess of whites blacks and greys.

Peppino, Rags and Goat are all knocked to the floor. Goat holds his head, and sits on his knees. Rags is slumped over his own stomach with his face to the floor and ass in the air. Peppino was floored, laying on his back. Sitting up, he looks at Goat.

"What-a took you so long!?" Peppino screams.

"It's awkward navigating a new place, cut me some slack", Goat responds.

Peppino looks at Rags, and gets concerned, "why does he look pregnant".

"He's just fat".

"Fat? He was-a slim enough to fit in-a crack in the wall!"

"We found a quite a few cheese based monsters and h-"

"Well, he is-a mouse".

"... he has a personal obsession with cheese, and will overeat if it's involved".

"Is that-a why he insists on cheese Pizzas for the-a work lunch?"

"That does make a bit more sense", Goat says, as he pokes a groaning Rags, "what do we do about him?"

"Ehhh, go ask Gustavo, he'll-a know what to do".

Goat picks up Rags and carries him deeper into the tower. Peppino wipes his brow, as the five toppins hand Peppino ten bucks each. Goat sees Gustavo in a confrontation with a giant rat. Goat calls over, and mid roll the two stop, Gustavo pausing from nearly biting the rat's arm and the rat pausing from throwing a punch. Goat drops Rags on the floor and explains the situation.

"So now he's round", Goat explains, "got anything to help him?"

"Wait, so he ate seven of these monsters?" Gustavo asks.

"I found it rather disturbing how quickly he ate them, rather than just the fact he ate them".

"Is this normal?" Gustavo asks the rat, to which it shakes its head, "well, he's not normal from a giant rats standards".

"Look, I just need him to work off the weight he got, can you do that?"

Gustavo looks at the rat and back to Goat, "we have an idea".

After a few minutes, Rags is running back and forth in the corridor. Gustavo chases Rags as he carries the rat, as it whips at Rags. Rags seems to be working it off pretty well, at least for cartoon logic of this exercise in a day, don't attempt this in real life. Goat watches for a minute or two, before heading into another door. Gustavo slows down for a bit, panting.

"Hey, do you think there's a better way to do this?" Gustavo asks the rat, to which it shrugs, "fine, but if we have to do this again, you're carrying me".

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Rags hides under the short ledge, resting. He holds onto and snacks on a weird blob of cheese. Staring at a block of metal, he takes another bit out of the gooey cheese. The sounds of crumbling bricks startles Rags, and he ducks down to hide. Looking up above the ledge he sees Goat staring back at him.

"... Hi", Rags meekly says, chewing on his cheese.

"Yo...", Goat responds, "where uh... did you get that cheese?"

Rags sits up and shrugs, "well, I got it somewhere around here".

"You uh... you're eating one of those sentient cheese blobs?"

Rags swallows, "it's definitely not sentient now..."

"How uh... how do you stomach that much cheese?"

"I'm a mouse, I love cheese!"

"I mean, I don't chew on cans just because I'm an upright goat person".

"Ok, I may have an obsession with cheese as a personal weakness".

Goat sighs, "ya rat bastard, why'd you duck into the first door, and not even hide that far away from the door?"

Rags sighs, and takes a bit to respond, "I couldn't move that metal blocker".

Goat taps his feet with impatience and runs back. Rags looks over and sees Goat charging his way over. He flies over Rags, and without a second passing, clashing metal hits the floor. Goat stumbles back holding his shoulder, with a big dumb grin on his face. Rags stands up taking a bite of cheese.

"Hey, ya wanna come with me through John Gutter?" Goat asks.

"John Gutter", Rags swallows, "where'd you get that name?"

"I think I saw it on a sign. Anyway, we better get our work here done before Peppino gets thoughts of skinning us".

Rags hops up and jogs along, "Come on, we gotta get going!"

Goat walks over with Rags, taking a stroll. They chat about their days outside of work. Goat tells Rags about the deal with Peppino. A few more broken blockers and chopped up Fork Knights. Goat kicks open a cage, saving a mini mushroom person, of which Rags squeals over. It follows Goat like a little lost puppy. After a quick jaunt and more broken suits of armor, the trio come across another cage.

"What cute topping do you think this one has?" Rags giggles in glee, "I hope it's a little bell pepper, oh, or maybe a tomato! What if it's-"

Giat kicks open the cage, "it's cheese", Goat says, mildly amused at the block of cheese with eyes.

"It's... cheese...", Rags mutters, his mouth watering.

Goat scoops up the block before Rags can touch it, "No, we're saving them!"

"C'mon Goat, just a bit of cheese!"

"No, you had your cheese ball, where is it?"

"I ate it already".

"You had enough cheese, besides, it'd hurt the little guy".

"I can swallow it whole, and it'll die quicker that way instead of me biting into it!"

"Rags, if any part of this block goes down your throat, I'm shoving my fist down there to retrieve it. Also you're scaring the mushroom!" As Goat points out the mushroom cowers behind Goat's leg.

Rags looks down at the mushroom and sighs, "alright, I'm sorry. I'll just get the next gooey cheese as a snack".

"There are three over ther-", before Goat could finish Rags has already pounced onto the cheese slimes, "Jesus christ, that really is an obsession".

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[mrfandomgage]

Goat looks back at the valley of hills from the cliff the tower resides, to see Peppino and Gustavo still at least half a mile away. Rags lies down next to the door. He breaths heavily and coughs. Goat takes a deep breath in before falling to the ground, practically melting to it. Goat pushes himself back to his legs, unsteady and shaking.

"Jesus man", Rags spits, "we haven't ran like that since Highschool".

"I-... oh man I'm- I'm outa shape", Goat wheezes.

"How? You walk everywhere even in hundred ten summers or negative five winters".

"Walking ain't the same as running, Richard".

"Oh gee, you're really tired", Rags picks himself up and helps Goat walk into the tower. After a few steps in the door slams behind them. Rags drops Goat to the floor, and starts scratching at the door, screaming. Rags after a few minutes sits himself next to Goat, defeated.

Goat subsequently knocks rags one in the shin with a growl.

"HEY, WHAT WAS-" Rags shouts before remembering, "oh, right. Fair enough, I won't hit back".

"Damn right you won't, the stone isn't exactly what anyone would call pleasant", Goat barks, "the door?"

"It won't budge, so what about it?"

"Can Peppino get in?"

"We're saved! We can hide from him in here! Safety!" Rags cheers. The doors creak open. Rags upon seeing this runs further into the tower without a word, but a lot of incoherent screaming.

Goat sits up and watches the door open as Peppino and Gustavo walk in, the doors closing and everything. Gustavo helps Goat stand up, as Peppino berates Goat for losing Rags and entering without them. Goat straightens out and thinks.

"Hey, Peppino, when has it been since your last vacation?" Goat asks.

"Vacation?" Peppino repeats, confused to the prospect.

"You've been able to have time to relax, right?"

"The last relaxing thing I've-a done was go to church in boot camp".

"Alright, it's decided, you're now at vacation".

"You're-a joking, right? My business is being-a threatened by a Pizza Faced MONSTER, who plans to destroy my LIFE, this is NOT-a time for me to RELAX!"

"Come on Peppino, I'm your employee, I'm supposed to take a bit of the job to ease your burden. Besides I use a giant axe and call it a Pizza Cutter, I'll chop down that flying dough disk in no time!"

"Well, uhh".

"Oh Peppino, he's right", Gustavo chimes in, "you're working yourself to the bone and frightening yourself with your own shadow, you're getting to yourself more than others are getting to you".

"Gustavo, he-a threatened to destroy everything I hold dear", Peppino replies, "but alright. Goat, go out there. But if-a my restaurant is permanently put out of-a business, I'll have your horns".

Goat takes a deep breath in, and says, "yes-understood-Peppino-sir-everything's-under-control!" Goat runs further into the tower.

Peppino sighs, "why did you-a convince me to take-a break?" Gustavo shrugs with a smile as he strolls on forward.

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