#autistic about a bands branding . help me

[smileymoth]

ok but real talk like the graffiti style logos for their faces when they needed to be hidden in the early videos went hard. like its succhhh a product of 2005 and im in love w it.

i find it very amusing that they never per say hid their faces, they used the masks as a prop to make the band more interesting. at least from one point onward. thats what ive gathered. like theres sm photos of baby HU just chillin without their masks. it creates hype when the regular person doesn't know what you look like yk. why do we all love faceless youtubers so much- im also a fan of the fact that they all have personalities on stage. and it's so obvious that they're made up personalities, they play characters, obvs those characters are parts of them but they're just... exaggerated... like every musician is an actor obviously

and also the font they used for the logo. the designer who made it cooked HARD on this one . like im a fan of both of them. the letters look more coherent on the new one obvs but like the old one ??? they had an idea and they eventually made it work. On the old one the biggst issues are the width of the W, O and L, like the L's don't look nice because they don't slot together nicely. but they managed to lowkey fix that on the new one, they still couldve nudged the y a BIT closer to the L but it's FINE ITS OKAY!!! the arrow-element on the N on the old one is sooo fucked like what is thatttt . a also looks a bit awkward now that i look at it.

they removed the arrows which i am a little sad about but they wouldn't have worked in the new design. it did work as like a serif font detail that carried over.... i like the .. fuck whats the word. template style logo that you can just like- STENCIL! STENCIL STYLE LOGO. ITS CLEVER FOR THEIR BAND!! FOR THE MUSIC THEY MAKE. YKNOW THEYRE LIKE. FROM THE STREETS. allegedly. . on the old one the stencil-esq-ness doesn't shine through because the holes are wayyy too small, i do thikn the old one is a bit more... clean...? like it has a very clear system while the new one looks a bit messy like the connection points of the undead e and a, why is the A lower... the sharp edges piss me off, but its fine okay its fine i promise. i like the fact that the H and D actually extend over the edge and like, connect the second word together with it. i think the beginning and end big letter is kinda smart... perhaps... maybe it wasnt that necessary for undead but what do i know

tthe logo sucks actually. its messy as hell and the bird wings look like clip art but im so attached to it id cry if they threw it out the window actually. like its convenintly oblong that it fits into narrow spaces but that also has its own problems. ike... okay look at the wings for one. WHAT ARE THEEYYYYYY i know w symbols anatomy can fly out the window but this guy isnt going to go anywhere. it doesn't help that the image itself looks like sb used the illustrator image trace tool. i forgive them tho its okay i love their fucked up dove :) hes my friend. he does have a nice shape so you can slot many of them next to each other

this guy makes me giggle tho. what is this freak

whichever artist/designer made these little icons for the boys gets a big kiss from me because they're literally so iconic forever and ever

[emeritus-fuckers]

Hiii, I'd like to request a match up !!

First of all, sorry if it's written weird, English is not my first language and I'm in need of a few days of sleep lmao :') also this is very long because I have no idea how to write concisely to save my life, so, sorry for your eyes? brain? Idk but sorry

1 - I'm AFAB genderqueer, might be a demigirl ? idk gender is confusing. anyways, I use any pronouns because I'm extra like that lmao, and I prefer my sexuality to stay unlabelled for now

2 - Papas !! (they're so silly I love them)

3 - I'm rather small (163cm/5'4") and kinda pudgy. I would not say I'm plus size but I'm definitely thicker than average, especially around my hips and thighs (stretch marks n cellulite gang WYA). I used to be very insecure about it but thankfully I got better at loving myself (still working on it but I'll get there eventually). I'm also getting a tattoo on my upper left arm very soon (inspired by Kafka's Metamorphosis because yes) and hopefully some more piercings (I only have triple lobe for now). my hair's light brown and very short, I buzzed it back in August and I'm growing it out. Yes, I do have a terrible case of bed head. I also trim my eyebrows to be very short, makes it easier to do my makeup. Almost forgot to talk about my eyes, but basically they're blue-ish green and usually overshadowed by the huge dark circles I have. I don't dress according to one particular style, although I enjoy being in full goth fashion, makeup and all. I would probably describe my style by 'satanic grandma' because as much as I love my band shirts and inverted crosses, I also cannot live without my extensive collection of grandpa sweaters and ugly ties.

4 - I'm an introvert - and an awkward anxious ball of nerves at that, but I don't mind stepping up to the task in social situations if the people I'm with are not comfortable ordering food/asking a question. I usually am very cautious of how I act with new people I meet as I am autistic and don't want to 'scare them off' or make them uncomfortable. However, if we vibe, you get to know the still anxious but also very silly me. I especially love coming across other people that are on the spectrum, because we usually have a certain understanding of each other's way of acting and just be silly together. Speaking from experience with my closest friends, at least (not generalizing autistic people !!).

5 - I've been hyperfixating on Ghost for a good while now, but apart from that I'm very much interested in art. Learning about it of course, but also making it (I'm in art prep class rn and it's kicking my ass, send help). Drawing, writing, taking photos, making zines and stuff... hopefully after prep class I can get into a proper art school and study illustration, and maybe look into becoming a graphic novel author. My favorite artists would probably be Dora Maar, Gustave Doré and Gustav Klimt tbh. I also have an interest in geopolitics and history, especially in the Middle Ages' witch hunts and black death, but also in more recent topics such as the satanic panic. Basically all things occult and satanic. I also love internet horror media such as ARGs, like My house.wad or the Hypnagogic Archive. Music taste wise, I listen to everything, but my favorite genres are hard rock and metal. I'd say my all time fav artists are Ghost, Slayer (South of Heaven walked so that Year Zero could run, change my mind), Iron Maiden, SOAD, Twin Temple, Radiohead, alex g and Mitski.

6 - I'm a huge cat person but I also very much love crows and rats and reptiles and overall all the animals that would seem weird to keep as pets. Also I love love LOVE having deep conversations about complicated philosophical topics at night in a calm spot at a party or smth, specifically while drinking off-brand soda. Idk why I included this, I just thought of it and I'm too tired to question how my sleep deprived brain thinks right now.

Sorry again for the huge wall of text, y'all are the best !

Have a good day/night !!

This post is part of the 1000 followers match up event. Entries for the event are now closed.

Your match is...Copia

He's all for helping you love yourself, he'll kiss any part of your body you are insecure about and everyday he tells you how amazing you look. The thing that really makes it work is that he means it, you can see the sincerity in his expression.

He can also be an awkward anxious bundle of nerves. But what is so cute is that both of you try and step up for the other in social situations. You see Papa Emeritus IV come out a lot at those times.

You vibed immediatly with him it was just an instant connection. He just got you, and you him. He treasures that so much.

He will help all he can with your art class prep. Like whatever you need. If you want him to just keep you company he's there, if you need models he'll get his rats to pose with him (it's just adorable). Or if you need to work super hard he'll bring you food and drinks to keep you going.

Sometimes he joins you but drawing isn't his strongest skill so it's a good giggle, he can laugh at his mistakes and he enjoys seeing you smile at them. Other times he'll sit and write songs as you work, he wrote one about you just the other day.

He got so excited when he found out you had an interest in the middle ages, witch hunts and black death. He literally squeaked with joy and you discussed it long into the night, while drinking lots of off-brand soda.

He also finds some really cool books for you to read from the clergy library, occult, satanic panic and so on, it's all there.

~

Written by Nyx

[windovvaving]

aileen ashild aodh.

triggers: ableism (towards an autistic individual; from school faculty), sensory overstimulation (mentions of it happening & how to combat it)

history / headcanons:

uses both neutral & feminine pronouns. tries to keep the usage of each about equal, but if someone just picks one & sticks with it, they won't get mad.

super into fixer-upper stuff, which explains why they live in lakeridge & drive a car older than them! the house they live in is going under remodel by her own hands! she plans to turn it into her dream home.

after four years, they’ve only finished two rooms: the main bedroom & the kitchen. this is because they’re trying to only use their own money on the renovations. & she wants it to be perfect, a dream home.

aileen comes from a pretty well-off family, which is how she can afford to live on her own in denver at 24 (parents pay the mortgage). they originate from castle rock, co, which is south of denver but north of the springs.

she grew up playing outside, never masking, & surrounded by family. even if said family was just her parents and older sibling.

their passion for music started young. see, both parents are in the music industry: mom’s an audio engineer & dad’s front man for an indie rock band. originally, aileen wanted to be a singer like their dad.

but they can’t carry a vocal tune to save their life. so they turned towards mixing like their mom.

which is how aileen landed her first dj job! a classmate (in her arts academy days, more on that below) was having a party & was in desperate need of someone to do the music. enter aileen, well-known to have music-inclined parents. she took the few mixing skills she had at that point to make a (pretty shitty) set.

seeing everyone enjoying the music they put together, even if it wasn’t their words or instrumentals, all of those people enjoying something they made unlocked a new passion.

their dj alias is “ASHE” (though this is the only time i’ll stylize it that way to keep an all lowercase aesthetic). it’s a play on their middle name “ashild.” also, phoenix imagery since their last name means “fire.”

won't get upset if you use her stage name instead of her real one in a convo. sometimes people know her better as ashe & who's she to care.

at twenty, after building rapport in castle rock, aileen set out for the big city. denver! why denver? why not los angeles or nashville or any city known for having a club scene? the sibling from bullet four is here! (i mean, not yet, but i plan on putting a wc out).

life hasn’t been all fun & games for aileen, though. it mostly has been, but being so openly autistic had consequences. school faculty brushed her off, rolling eyes at her “disruptiveness” aka stimming.

when it came to school, aileen made a conscious effort to not vocally stim & to keep other stims small (hair twirling, chewelry, leg bouncing, finger tapping, etc) to a minimum, but teachers didn’t work with her. it hurt her to not stim, but the school environment made i so she felt she had to.

not even an iep helped. this issue cumulated in the aodh parents pulling aileen out of public school & enrolling her in a charter arts academy. the faculty at this school were much better at working with aileen & the environment of a bunch of other public school rejects helped her flourish.

wears sound-cancelling headphones all the time to help with sensory overload. this is especially important when aileen's at the 303 since clubs are overstimulating environments.

being the one in control of the music (& the volume) helps combat that. it's why she can be in that environment for hours at a time.

wanted connections:

her older sibling! i’ll be submitting a wc to the main, but if anyone wants to discuss it already, hit me up. this is the only one that would need to be a brand new character.

fellow djs! not necessarily at the 303 or even professionals, but just someone aileen could talk about music & mixing with.

a best friend! someone they met in childhood*, or high school*, or maybe even during their time in denver. the two became fast friends over shared interests. thick as thieves ever since. (*if a childhood or hs best friend, they'd have to be from castle rock since that's where aileen originates from).

a rival! well, rival is a bit inaccurate. more like someone who just doesn't like her & who she doesn't like either. they'll get into word spars, but it doesn't ever really go too far. only a tiny bit of real heat behind hurled insults. could be a professional rival or a personal one or maybe even someone else obsessed w/ renovation who doesn't like aileen maximalist style.

romantic interest! i like cute romance threads, so a datemate (of any gender) for aileen would be awesome.

if you’re hearing THE RECORD PLAYER SONG by DAISY THE GREAT playing, you have to know AILEEN AODH (THEY/SHE; DEMIFEMALE) is near by! the TWENTY-FOUR year old DISK JOCKEY (DJ) AT CLUB 303 has been in denver for, like, FOUR YEARS. they’re known to be quite BOISTEROUS, but being INDOMITABLE seems to balance that out. or maybe it’s the fact that they resemble CHLOÉ HAYDEN. personally, i’d love to know more about them seeing as how they’ve got those THE SPARKLE YOUR EYES GET WHEN EXCITED, STAYING UP LATE LISTENING TO A SONG ON REPEAT, & NEON LIGHTS AT ALL TIMES OF THE DAY vibes. and maybe i’ll get my chance if i hang out around the LAKERIDGE long enough!

*please note that since chloé is autistic, has adhd, & has postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (pots), aileen will have these traits as well!! she is being written by an autistic mun, but one w/o adhd or pots. aileen's portrayal is heavily influenced by my own experiences.

[faisdm]

The one downside to Tumblr, compared to say, Twitter, is that Tumblr just doesn’t care about your original works. It is painfully difficult to get people on Tumblr to give even a single shit about an original comic, story or game. It’s not a new thing, of course, it’s been like that for over a decade... but it’s always disappointing, and if you’re new here and thinking “maybe someday if I get really good and get published, or get really popular in a fandom, they’ll care!” No... sorry, they won’t, and you need to know that, or you’ll keep trying to please them and slowly get worn down by it as nothing you do seems to get you anywhere, even if you’re giving them everything they loudly proclaim they want.

It’s bizarre; people on Tumblr would rather invent an entire non-existent movie by rich cishet people and pretend it has gay subtext- subtext! Not even text!- than read original queer works by queer creators and discuss and celebrate them! Like, FFS, Tumblr, LOVE YOURSELVES. The best you can imagine for yourselves is hypothetically being queerbaited!?

And don’t get me wrong, I love the shared creativity of all the posters and things and the in-joke of the made up gangster movie, but coming back to Tumblr after a while on Twitter, hoping for a “better place” I’m inevitably reminded of why I always end up drifting off it. I want people to read my work; I put a lot of effort into it, and spending time on a platform that aggressively doesn’t give a shit while proclaiming “boy, I wish there were more things like [describes exactly my work]... but there aren’t, so we’ll just have to pretend the characters from this straight series by straight people might have maybe not been straight!” is just....EUGH. It’s tiresome! People on twitter will take a chance on it! People on Tiktok will give it a go, and even Facebook! It has thousands of subscribers, it’s on a Tapas program, it ran a pretty successful Kickstarter, and I’ve been published multiple times, so it’s clearly not a bad comic... and it has everything Tumblr claims to like in it! Sword lesbians, political metaphors, meme jokes, autistic and nonbinary representation, positive bisexual rep... AND it’s made by a long-time Tumblr person from the fucking Homestuck fandom! (over ten years as admin and VA on one of the biggest Homestuck projects that exists, an artist on not just fan albums, but two of the official albums!) What more can I give you to convince you this comic is for you, Tumblr!? I made it for you!

The problem with Tumblr is that everyone talks like they’re super open-minded and totally interested in supporting marginalised people... but they’re really not? They’re actually interested in curating an image, and if “supporting marginalised people” is part of that image, somebody will reblog content about the concept of supporting marginalised people. But you’re marginalised in publishing and hoping Tumblr will actually support your work focused on themes and groups underrepresented in media? Tumblr won’t help you, because people on Tumblr people only care about a thing if you can make it fit within the narrow band of “on brand” things that they’re already into. So you actually have to have a massive fandom already before Tumblr will feel like your fandom’s content has an audience and so is safe to share as part of the brand you’ve curated.

...and sadly, that’s why for original creators, Tumblr can never replace Twitter, even though Twitter is the worst; because we need to find people who will actually try new things, and Tumblr people don’t. They’ll just sit there, reblogging the same stuff about “what if these two canonically straight white men in suits cuddled a little bit?” And then make the tired excuse that “Well, I HAVE to do this because nobody provides the real queer content I would totally consume if it was real!” and waving that very real queer content in their faces will just result in them pretending not to see it.

[youforgotmyname]

Talking about my OCs

this will probably get cut out by the time I write the final draft but in my novel the love interest Devon is a very part time DJ at her college radio so once a week during her designated hour she indirectly dedicates songs to Peony hoping that she gets the hint. Very lesbian of her

But Peony is stupid, she’s like “who is this “friend” Devon keeps referring to?? Surely it cannot be me”

Finally Devon references Peony directly, says she’s so grateful to have someone help her through her struggles at home and be there for her, and she plays “When the Sun Hits” by Slowdive which is very on brand for Devon, I might make it so that earlier in the story it is established that it’s one of Devon’s favorite songs and she interprets it as a love song

Finally this is when it clicks for Peony. She’s laying on her back in bed, it’s almost midnight on a Friday, and she realizes what exactly Devon is trying to say without saying it

It takes her a week but Finally Peony works up the nerve, she calls in and requests “I Think I’m Paranoid” by Garbage. Which is the perfect song for her to request, every day I thank God for the beautiful friend whose playlist this happened to be on as we were driving. Holy shit. I had some other contenders for Peony’s song, one by Radiohead and another by the Smashing Pumpkins, but this song is exactly what I was looking for. Peony is either too cool or not cool enough to listen to the aforementioned bands, depending on where you stand. She likes Hole. She’d like Garbage, too. “I Think I’m Paranoid” is also a very popular Garbage song, whereas the ones from Radiohead and Smashing Pumpkins (“Talk Show Host” and “Eye”, respectively) weren’t on the mainstream radio as much as this one was. Also, it’s grungy, female-driven, and has that perfect mix of self deprecation and pure desire which reflects where Peony is at by this point in the story. She doesn’t think she’s good for Devon, but holy fuck does she want her. That autistic rizz worked wonders.

Anyway. Devon doesn’t end up even hearing the song, she’s confused when Peony asks later. Peony gets a little bit deflated because she thought Devon would be DJ-ing at the time (she was, but she left to go to the bathroom and her co-host Zach took over, she ended up missing the part where Peony called in and Zach was too zooted to say anything). She gives up, lol. Me too girl.

Plot stuff happens, they end up stuck together in the house on a Friday night with no way of contacting the outside world. They go to bed in their separate rooms. Peony, out of sheer habit, turns on the 11 o’clock show hoping to hear Devon’s voice but instead it’s Zach, being like “yooo dudes. what’s good. my co host isn’t here but she told me I have to play this song as if I haven’t had 30 people request it this last week.”

A knock sounds at her bedroom door. Peony gets up, it’s Devon, looking like she just woke up. In the background, Peony hears her name mentioned and then the opening beat to Garbage’s “Only Happy When it Rains” play. AND THEN SHE UNDERSTANDS. Music is a huge part of Devon’s character, somehow she found out about “Paranoid” and wanted to double down, to speak Peony’s language.

She looks down at Devon, who looks up at her, and just says: “I had a dream you died.” (WOOO FORESHADOWING)

THEN THEY KISS. PASSIONATELY.

hee hee

Anyway I’ve always known I wanted “only happy when it rains” to play over their make out montage in the imaginary film adaptation in my head but I just couldn’t figure out how to get there but NOW IVE GOT IT

[takethistoyourstardust]

dude what is from argonavis i have wondered forever... i think its related to bandori but idk

DEEP BREATH. okay i hope you're ready for a short history lesson because I've basically been following the project since it's announcement.

fromARGONAVIS (formerly known as ARGONAVIS from BanG Dream) is a multimedia project that was created by Bushiroad, creators of such other multimedia projects such as Revue Starlight, Cardfight Vanguard, and yes, BanG Dream. As the former name implies, it was a spin off of Bandori. To pull from another idol game, ARGONAVIS is the SideM to Bandori's Cinderella Girls; as in, ARGONAVIS was an all-male spin-off series of the all-women BanG Dream series. However, in 2022, to coincide with the shut-down of the original mobile game, the ARGONAVIS project got it's rebranding, as well as a new PR manager (who plays a character in the franchise itself, Yuto Goryo!). It's been a little quiet due to the branding change/no game, but it's been re-picking up steam, thanks to audio dramas, new music being used in shows like Cardfight Vanguard will+Dress, and a new movie focused on one of the bands releasing recently! (i need to find someone who has access to AXIA speaking of...)

As for what it's about, it's focused on six bands (Argonavis, GYROAXIA, Fantome Iris, FUJIN RIZING, Epsilon Phi, and ST//RAYRIDE) and trying to make it as their own bands. We also get to see into their personal lives a bit, and the thing that made it stand out from Bandori to me was that most of the bands (with the exception of Epsilon Phi members) are older than the Bandori girls (Argonavis, GYROAXIA, and FUJIN RIZING members are all in college, and Fatome Iris members are all working adults with other jobs outside of the band. From what I can tell, one of the ST//RAYRIDE members is 31, but i can't find any word on the other member, though I'd assume he's around the same age). It's a bit more of a... "shonen" take isn't the right word I'm looking for, but it tends to lean into the heavier side of things with its drama sometimes.

My favorite bands are the first two that were introduced, Arognavis and GYROAXIA, and my favorite characters are their respective vocalists, Ren Nanahoshi and Nayuta Asahi! Ren is a very sweet, extremely autistic (I say this genuinely) boy who's obsessed with tokusatsu and singing. Nayuta is a fucking asshole who (and I am quoting his voice actor directly here) can't say no to Ren. They are SO special to me.

If you wanna get into the music, I recommend listening to all of the original singles released (Goal Line, Gin no Yuri, BANZAI RIZING, Hikari no Akumu, STRAYDASH//STARTDASH), with the exception of GYROAXIA's, because... I hate MANIFESTO so much. Instead, I recommend REVOLUTION, IGNITION, or WORLD IS MINE as a starting point for them! I also recommend AAside (all three versions), STARTING OVER (both the og and the ft nayuta versions) BLACK&WHITE, Breaking the ROCK!!, and the covers for Kuchizuke Diamond, Kyouran Hey Kids, and Monochrome Kiss! As for the story, uh well. The wiki will help you with that one!

I do hope you'll enjoy it!!

[robertbelcherjr]

INHALES you have given me an excuse to talk more about bobs autism (I’ve been looking for an excuse to talk about it) I LOVE YOU

Bob displays so many signs of autism. (I am autistic myself and if I’m honest a lot of what I see in him I also have in myself)

Not only does it explain his drive and passion for burgers and cooking in general; Bob very clearly can’t regulate his emotions especially when he’s feeling angry, instead of thinking he shouts things that he ends up regretting. Usually his hollering ends with a quick “I’m sorry, I’m sorry”. He very Clearly hates any and all change. Even if it's a good change especially when it comes to his job, if he’s offered something good like expanding his restaurant he immediately jumps to the worst scenario possible and talks himself out of the change, he’s comfortable where he is at and he doesn’t want to break that routine. It’s what he is used to and he’s not open to changing that. It definitely plays into why his restaurant is not doing well but for Bob comfort and quality come before quantity and money and I respect him for it. His restaurant is ultimately his safe space. Which leads to my next point. Bob's special interest is cooking, there is absolutely no doubt about that. This man is so passionate about his craft that he creates a new burger every single day. He cooks with such care and focus that he can be kind of scary to cook with because he’s that particular about things. It has to be perfect. He’s also very knowledgeable, considering he never fails to create brand new burger. It’s no secret his hyper fixation helps him perfect his craft. He is very talented.

He doesn't express himself in that extravagant way but he has his own subtle romantic gestures he may not buy her a huge present. He doesn't throw parties but he simply gives her physical affection without being loud. He is a sweet man when he chooses to be one. I honestly love how this plays with Lindas much more extroverted way of affection.

Comfort clothes exist for Bob too and not just bc this is a cartoon so he only wears one thing it’s because when he’s in anything else he’s uncomfortable he likes his plain shirt and pants. He literally tells Mr. fischoeder that his favorite shirt is his off white T-shirt in roaming bob-iday

which is a whole episode of autism in its entirety. Bob loves to work; his restaurant business is his special interest but he never knows when to stop. He has to be redirected by his family to the extreme to understand that his body is telling him he needs to rest; it’s not that he means to do this. He’s so focused on work that he just forgets which is very common for an autistic person (self projects) his support system is so honestly so good, his wife loves him so very much and so do his kids.

He absolutely hates routine. hates changing his routine. He runs on a schedule and that’s the way he likes it and he won't change it. This man even schedules bathroom time.

When Bob is upset he shuts himself off emotionally. Often in the form of a groaning sound, and poorly pretending that he is completely fine and not upset at all. He doesn’t do it to be annoying or hard to get, he does it because he’s processing how he feels even if he appears annoying. He’s not rude, he processes situations differently than others. Again his wife is such a good support, she understands him SO VERY WELL.

When he was younger he possessed a stress ball of rubber bands that he had made himself, it was made clear by the episode ‘dream of a little bob of Bob’ when he falls asleep inside the car looking for a safe key it’s revealed in bobs dream. The whole plot of that episode is just also AUTISM. Everything from being anxious and stressed all of the time, to his fear about failure. It is the chef's kiss.

He absolutely hates parties and surprises. He definitely has at least a little bit of a sound sensory issue that involves lots of people and loud noises. I theorize this is sometimes why he doesn’t like Gene's music; it's not him being mean to his son. He’s saying he doesn’t want to hear it because it’s loud and he doesn’t like that kind of loud music.

Bob hyper fixates. Bob will find something that he likes and enjoys and he will learn everything about the thing in the matter of just one afternoon. The biggest example of this is during the afternoon in the garden of Bob and Louise; season 5 episode 10 Bob has an interest in gardening and gets the opportunity to grow his own garden in the community garden in their town. This quickly becomes a passion project for Bob gardening is calming and relaxing, the restaurant can get overstimulating for Bob despite his love for working there. So being able to visit his garden was the best thing that could have happened to him. It gave him a happy place, a place away from over stimulation.

Live and Let Fly Another fine example. Teddy invited Bob and Linda to a paper airplane flying contest. Bob gets hyper focused on crafting paper airplanes.And it's definitely not just because he wants to win. I really believe he was interested in the craft. He Bought a book and quality paper to ensure that his work is perfect. He gets really good at crafting these planes excited when they at least win a blender for his efforts. THE BANJO as well 😭 the way he kept trying to play it in bed absolutely destroyed me. He’s a silly little guy. And the fact he learnt knitting so. Fast. I like to think he still knits since he was so good at it he just keeps doing it as a passion project thing; which I feel like is therapeutic for him in a way because it’s calming and we all been knew he needs calm in his life, like yesterday.

die card or card trying, Bob gets a juicer as a Christmas gift from Linda and suddenly he is a juicer expert, the way he passionately talks about the flavors of juice he’s making is the high indication for his hyper fixated brain even thinking about it when he’s left the apartment annoyed about leaving he says; “In my head I’m juicing right now” he was ok with just simply staying home and playing with his juicer. HE'S SO SILLY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. He talks to his food in more than a dozen episodes especially the thanksgiving episodes (which I would also throw under special interest, for the cooking) referencing that it's better and easier to talk to because it doesn’t speak back and Bob is very introverted and his communication skills are lacking so naturally if he talks to something that can’t reply he can talk to it. He uses talking to his food as an outlet of sorts, the food can’t judge him as it can’t speak so he feels comfortable pouring out his feelings in a way he may not to his friends or even his wife. This could also be seen as a vocal stim he does under excitement and stress. I know this was also used as a coping mechanism when he was a child; he was secluded and closed off from having any social life; that has an effect on a person and he’s clearly not healed properly from that.

Speech is the last big example as well. Bob often stutters as he talks (Speech impediment bob real) anxiety is probably the biggest cause he’s not great at keeping a conversation and eye contact is uncomfortable for him. He’s bad with other people that are not Linda or his kids about the only people who understand and get him beside Teddy who is his close friend. Bob is a closed off person, not allowing just anyone to be friends with him, it’s almost like he has a barrier that you have to break down first, under that layer he’s the nicest sweetest guy you could ever meet. The comment that Shinki Kojima makes about Bob being a big ol’ marshmallow IS SO FUCKING TRUE

In conclusion I am right. Enjoy my silly rant. There’s literally examples in every episode but I highlighted some of my favorite moments.

I feel like bob thinks he’s good at masking his autism but he’s not

[pikaflute]

hi, sudafed cleared my sinuses long enough to think so here’s a giant post about most of my charles headcanons

Playlist

OH btw here’s my 4 hour and 23 minute playlist for Charles. Enjoy. Yes I know I’m insane: https://open.spotify.com/user/pikaflute24/playlist/4DBxaaxbqsmJt9Fvl8AgwZ?si=OcXlYCdFRzOhuKa4p_HdUQ

General Headcanons

He was born November 24 1965. He’s currently 56, but I usually write him in his late 40s in most fanfic and content I make. So there’s this middle aged man....

He has hazel eyes. Sometimes they look green, sometimes brown. Sometimes they’ll be white but that’s when he’s using his magic so mind your business

Gear brand over his heart >:)c

:) i think he has piercings and tattoos, a skull (dead man teehee) on his upper arm, a tattoo of a date (the date pickles and him first met TEEHEE) on his left arm also has a tattoo on his arm of the day he “died” on his right. had his ears pierced when he was a teen.

Has a sweet tooth so hard. Smuggles in treats into the drawers of his desk just to snack on during the day and has a mini fridge just filled with ice cream and also sorts of other goodies. He loves brownies and cookies the most

Likes to work out and keep himself in shape. it takes his mind off of stressful things like work and the boys, and just take his morning practice sparring and doing various exercises in the mordhaus gym. 

he’s uh also very flexible so he does yoga a lot when he exercises. don’t. look too deep into that

cannot cook to save his life. he almost burned mordhaus down trying to make himself a sandwich

he can play guitar! he used to play it more often when he was younger but he rarely has the time to play it nowadays. when he does get to play it, it’s usually in private (and mainly songs by dethklok), or it’s to show off to a certain lead guitarist that yes he is playing that solo wrong

he’s ambidextrous but prefers using his right hand. he’ll use his left hand to spar in order to go easy on his opponents because hes a smug cunt

he’s 5′7 but intimidation factor adds a couple inches doesn’t it

has a scorpion named princess as a pet. he lets her sit on his desk sometimes and it scares the shit out of dethklok which makes charles laugh on the inside

hes also a cat person. one time toki brought a cat home and it settled on charles’ lap and he almost cried

loves to be a smug asshole and relishes in it. will not take shit from anyone, especially from some asshole who is trying to pull one over on him

he has no idea how social media works at all. will print memes out to show to dethklok, he’s very fond of cat memes specifically (i can has cheeseburger type beat)

he has no idea what any internet memes means he isn’t going to start learning. he is going to misuse internet phrases. are you boys, ah, finding the imposter? [cue five groans from dethklok]

knows a lot of languages. not a comprehensive list but: french, swedish, norwegian, spanish, italian, japanese, chinese, german, russian and korean

is very competitive. scarily competitive. once he starts losing in smash or mario kart all hell will break lose

very bad at showing emotions or affection, when he gets compliments he gets all red and quiet and mumbles a thank you. 

weird about being touched as well and will usually avoid it unless it’s with someone he trusts

speaking of, his love language is acts of service :)c

hates being called charlie or chuck, unless the right person calls him it ;)

he’s autistic. was nonverbal for most of his life and only talked to certain people, or anyone at all. he stims with his hands and uses his pens to fidget.

has a collection of novelty socks. he likes the ones that have polka dots or stripes

sleeps with a garfield plushie he had since he was younger. it helps him with the nightmares

when any of the boys need help sleeping (usually toki or pickles), he’ll sleep with them in his bed. after dying he had trouble sleeping some nights, so dethklok returned the favor and all piled up in his bed and helped him sleep. he didnt have nightmares after that night

hes nearsighted, and prefers to wear glasses over contacts

lactose intolerant, hes still eating mac n cheese and paying the price

metalhead but pretends to not be just to mess with his boys

crippling addiction to match 3 games. also loves to play minecraft.

overly self sacrificial. puts ones he love needs before his own, results in himself being very isolated and distant from those he cares about because he’s afraid of hurting them

his favorite colors are black and purple

coffee kinda guy. black coffee or bust

has a lot of cute novelty mugs to put his coffee in. he ones from places where dethklok tours, dethklok official ones (the only two that aren’t adorned with spikes), some cat themed ones, a couple that have ties and math references, and one from his boys that says “most brutal manager”. he drinks out of that last one the most

he has a couple of grey hairs and wrinkles, but he keeps them because they remind him that he’s human. also pickles said old men were hot but you didnt hear that from me

likes to play chess but he can never find a good opponent. all the klokateers are too scared if they win and dethklok is too distracted to ever play with him or they end up losing to quickly if charles plays against them

really wants kids. he babies his sister’s sons and daughters a TON (uncle charles always brings the best gifts :) ) and also treats toki like his own son in a way. toki doesnt mind, he really appreciates the love

speaking of, toki does call charles dad once and it makes charles cry for like. a week and a half

his favorite dethklok song is the gears :)

he likes to collect knives as a side hobby, his favorite of his collection is a sleek black one with skulls on the handle

he has a motorcycle and likes to drive it around sometimes to just be alone with himself. it’s all black with a red gear on it

lightweight but only if he drinks the amount dethklok drinks. can hold his alcohol fairly well if he drinks like a sensible human, prefers brandy and wine

he can smoke cigars to be sexy for me and me ONLY

likes to read in his spare time. he likes mystery novels and science fiction

he has soft spot for cheesy sitcoms, they’re his guilty pleasure

his favorite youtuber is lockpickinglawyer. yours should be too

usually sleeps in only his boxers but will wear a shirt if its’s cold. he tends to sleep on his side (also wants to be the little spoon when cuddled but he will never admit that)

takes vacations sometimes away from the boys despite his worry that something will go wrong (it will!). many of his vacations are usually going to visit his family and going to the shore with them, or travelling to somewhere new for a change (cue charles being a yakuza substory on his one vacation per year)

he can sew pretty well. learned from his mom and used to sew the whole his sister use to put through her soccer uniform.

can also do makeup, and usually does it for one of the boys of there’s no one else around to help

bites his lip when he’s nervous. which is a lot

likes chococat and gudetama. he’s a man of tastes

laughs really loud if you catch him off guard. he snorts sometimes too. he’s embarrassed by it, but i think its’ cute

loves law and order obviously 

he likes men

has a lot of pent up rage. very good at compressing it. sometimes

as high priest, he stays up very late trying to decipher the ancient prophecies that dethklok needed to fulfill. he doesnt sleep very much when he starts out because he misses home, so the band makes him come back (or else)

also as high priest he becomes more intune with magic granted to him after he died and he mainly uses his magic to protect his boys when they go back to being a band. also to fuck with them

the band he managed before dethklok was a band named savior who said they were a metal band with a unique sound, but that unique sound was actually just being a christian metal band that were bad at playing music. they also treated charles like shit and blamed him for them doing so poorly with sales and shows. had an unfortunate “accident” with a tour bus after charles had enough of their attitude towards him.  he denies he had anything to do with it (he did.)

Family/Childhood

He���s the baby of the family. Spoiled rotten to the max. He doesn’t admit it though but whenever he comes home you know he abuses the “:)c im the favorite” card

He has 4 older sisters: Caroline who is a high school civics teacher, Cynthia who is a librarian, Callie who is a coach for a soccer team, and Charlotte who is a lawyer/manager who manages Ladyklok, which gets awkward (and funny) when Abigail starts dating the lead singer Natalie

charles is actually one of the tallest in his family. his dad is 6’1 and his older sister Callie is 5’11. cynthia is 5’6, caroline is 5’6, and his mom and charlotte are 5’5.

his mom is a doctor and his dad is an accountant. his mom’s name is giovanna and his dad’s name is elijah

caroline is the oldest sister, followed by cynthia, callie, charlotte then charles.

Charlotte and Charles are sworn enemies since they were born on the same day a year apart and basically have the same job. They do love each other though

His father calls him Charles. Caroline and Cynthia call him Charlie. Callie calls him Chuck. Charlotte calls him Charles (derogatory). His mom calls him a whole slew of nicknames that she made up when he was young (she calls him cheese ball and he turns red)

caroline has a wife (lauren who is a chef) and two kids (evan and shelby)

cynthia is dating a coworker (viola)

callie has a husband (john who is a stay at home dad) and they have three kids (brenda, melissa, and jeff)

charlotte is dating ladyklok (and abigail). this is a weird flex on charles i think.

He had a race car bed when he was like 5

He also was also one of those kids at family game night. He almost killed Cynthia over a game of monopoly

Always got to lick the spoon first after his mom baked brownies

He grew up in North Jersey (derogatory) (also yes im projecting state shot)

He’s also Italian (derogatory)

He got bullied in middle school for a little bit but once his older sisters found out, oh boy did all hell break loose

Was in band in high school. He played flute (DONT TALK TO ME I LIKE PROJECTING), he was of course a soloist and incredibly smug about it

Took gymnastics as a kid. Can do a backflip on command. Also very flexible.

First manager gig was helping his sisters sell girl scout cookies. They raked in a lot of profits when baby bro was behind the scenes. His cut was eating thin mints for free

Loved Star Trek when he was a kid

Was incredibly gifted, and taught himself to read at a young age. didn’t talk that much though

was always sick when he was little. he would always get sinus infections and colds if someone even sneezed weird

was in mock trial in high school. one guy on his team was a jerk to him so charles made it a point to be this poor kid’s nemesis

was on the student council, treasurer of course.

was also in nhs, and he was treasurer there too

was that kid who insisted on doing the group project by himself because he didn’t want to wait on anyone to finish their part

was super rowdy as a kid, always got into trouble but his mom was a little lenient of punishment (hes a mommas boy)

when he was like super young he bit people cause he was just a little monster (charles' sisters: mom charles is biting again. charles, biting one of them: im not :/ sheesh)

wanted to be a lawyer since he was 7

put his own siblings and parents on trial and would win every trial and would always get the last cookie or a higher allowance

he shared his room with his sister Charlotte and they would set up a pillow fort on one of the beds and stay up late reading together 

loved going to the beach as a kid, his mom still has his collection of shells from the beach

on the boardwalk, he would dominate at claw machines anad carnival games. he won a bunch of plushies from himself (and his sisters obviously)

his dad and him have a super close bond. they watched star trek together and also like to watch how the stock market would do. his dad was also sometimes the judge in charles’ mock trials at home

they were very supportive when he came out as gay, he was also the first of his sibilings to come out of the closet

College

Got his masters in business management at rutgers and a JD (law degree) from seton hall law.

Started college when he was 18 (1983) and ended college when he was 26 (1991)

Wasn’t a party guy. Never got invited to many, but he never went unless a certain redhead was in town

Sustained himself off of ramen, coffee, and SSRIs to get his masters (hey man i feel ya)

Did weed like three times. Three of those times were because of, you guessed it, a certain redhead

Speaking of, his first time having sex was in his dorm with Pickles. Pickles also kicked him off of the bed (those beds are fucking tiny) while they slept, and almost burned Charles’ dorm down trying to make toast the next morning

Absolute did not do essays until the night before. Bad habit that made it’s way into Dethklok managing when he’s forced to write a legal brief before 12 am.

Loved calculus 2 for some reason. Nerd

Had a mullet. Pickles thought it was hot (still is) while Charles would rather die than remember anything about that horrid hairdo

Also went through his goth/emo phase while in Law School. He stuck out amongst the sea of sweater vests and polo shirts

Was in a band with his fellow college bandmates. The band was called Habeas Corpses and he was the lead singer who also played guitar. Their sound was kind of similar to TWRP’s first two EPs (The Device and 2nite). they had a grunge aesthetic, and yes charles dyed his mullet black (with a purple streak), for the band.

his bandmates were all fellow law students. dillan was on drums, margaret was their bass guitar, and nick was their keyboardist. all three of them also got tutored by charles while in law school. they are still best friends and write to each other sometimes

Was on the debate team, but uh kicked off due to be very competitive (he threatened to punch the opposing debater)

Was also in the chess club, also kicked off for being too competitive (lunged at a kid for cheating)

After being kicked from the two previous clubs, he joined fencing, his very competitive nature made him the best in the state

nick (the guy in charles’ band) was charles’ roommate the whole time they were in college. they may or may not have had a brief relationship before they realized they would be better as friends

nick also has a nes and charles loved to played zelda and wrote an entire guide for himself because he’s was that into the game (nerd)

occasionally would be found sleeping in the library on campus

wanted to be an RA but the resident association at his schools thought he was a little much. charles took this as a compliment

worked out a lot between studying and classes. a lot of jocks underestimated him because of his size but charles was just :) [casually lifts something heavy]

a lot of fellow classmates thought he was super cool cause of the leather he wore, and how cool and quiet he was, too bad they didnt know he was a huge nerd

tried skateboarding. once.

had a cadillac that barely started and drove like a piece of shit but that was charles’ baby

pickles tried to have sex with charles in said car btw, charles almost killed him for even daring to suggest to tarnish his beautiful baby

has damaged his back permanently because of all the books he used to carry around in his crappy back pack

did some modelling for one of his friends in college. he was very attractive and got some other modelling job through it. he tries to hide that from the boys in the future because he thinks it’s embarrassing

Relationship with Dethklok

Pickles - he’s known the drummer the longest out of any other member, and if you couldn’t tell by now, he had a brief relationship with the drummer back in the 80s (and maybe also still has a crush on him :)). charles respects and admires pickles’ talent as a musician and sometimes they play together when they have time alone. he tries to be there when pickles has a relapse in either emotions with his family or something else, but still tries to maintain a distance because he thinks that pickles doesn’t feel the same as he did in the 80s. (he does btw). nothing could break the bond these two share. not even death

Nathan - understands nathan’s quiet nature (nonverbal kings!) and strive for perfection in everything dethklok creates because he is the same way. their similarities allow them to connect on a level that allows nathan to open up about his feelings that he likes to lock away. nathan also gets charles to open his feelings up and actually care for himself for once in his damn life. charles also helps nathan with the depression he develops after charles dies and how to deal with it despite it being not brutal. nathan wants to give back and he does by becoming one of charles’ closest friends (and maybe even lovers hehehe)

Toki - charles has taken it upon himself to be toki’s father figure after seeing the way toki’s family has left him for essentially dead. ever since toki joined the band, charles has made it a point to be there for him whenever he needed it. even if it meant spending late nights reading to toki or sleeping over in toki’s room to help him sleep, he’ll do it. he blames himself for toki’s disappearance but toki assures him that he did the best he could. toki calls him dad a lot after doomstar. it makes charles cry.

Skwisgaar - unstoppable asshole meets immovable object. skwisgaar sees himself above everyone else like he does with the other dethklok members but with charles, skwisgaar knows that charles isn’t intimidated by him nor will he bow to the guitar god in anyway. this develops a game of cat and mouse between the two, with skwisgaar trying to no subtly push charles’ buttons and to see what makes him ticks, while charles resist him at every turn with a smug ‘:) is that all you got’ and it delights him to finally see the guitarist squirm under pressure.

Murderface - at first the two are very. distant to say the least. murderface used to see charles as unemotional robot and charles was fine with that and accepted the distance. overtime however, and especially after charles died, murderface warmed up to charles confiding in him things he hasn’t told the band, mainly things about his insecurities because charles is ‘fucking smart with crap like this’. and charles helps him and is happy to see him work out his problems and not bottle them anymore like the rest of his bandmates. charles also enjoys murderface’s company as a friend as well. and….he’s gonna help murderface the most with the whole traitor stuff too.

Abigail - mlm and wlw hostility. but seriously they’re good buds. he sympathizes with having to deal the moronic actions of dethklok on a daily basis and also thinks she’s really intelligent and overall fun to hang out with. they take lunch breaks frequently together and like to make fun of people at dethklok dinners together as a fun activity together. abigail will bully his ass once she finds out she’s dating charles’ sister and WILL bring up those baby pictures to get a higher raise thank you very much

Knubbler - can you say coworker besties! like abigail, he gets along because they both have to deal with dethklok being, well dethklok, but with knubbler, charles can relax a little more. the two cause problems on purpose just because they can. the two are also close friends and knubbler tries to get charles to relax for once in his life, and despite charles protests and objections, he sometimes caves and hands out with his friend (maybe boyfriend OOOOO who knows)

Sex Headcanons (IM SORRY)

um maybe he can have a giant dick (10 inches for me), it do be swinging though

daddy kink (everyone stay on this side, ill take care of him….come to daddy ;)c)

likes to do roleplay. he has a lot of costumes prepared for when his partner wants to do a scene with him

likes to bite and be bitten during sex. after a very long night, he’ll be covered in bite marks, it’s kinda hot

no gag reflex ;) he likes to deepthroat but good luck trying to get him to go down on you without him teasing

remember how i said he was flexible like eight times? yeah he uh, uses that a lot to his advantage. likes being fucked in weird positions because of it

the suit stays on during sex

he likes topping because he likes to be in control of everything he does all the time, but really wants to be told what to do sometimes and will let those he trusts do that for him

he has a dick piercing i know it

he's a very busy man, so he relies on his huge collection of toys he keeps in his bedroom and office

really good with his hands. as soon as those hands are on you, its game over

he loves to do it on his desk, makes him feel powerful. when he gets blown under his desk, it really takes all of his willpower to not cum immediately

really sensitive in weird places, specifically his ears

he likes to cuddle after sex, hes the little spoon :)

likes to be tied up, sometimes he’ll get tied up under his suit

mating press and riding are his favorite positions, giving and receiving

size queen, likes large toys and well ;)

has a private room that he sometimes goes to relieve stress, it has a fucking machine that he likes to use often when his job gets too stressful

he’s sucking people off at the klokateer glory hole, he’s uh, very good at what he does

likes to be spanked and like to spank

uses collars and leashes

maybe the klokateers can fuck him, if they’re good ;)

freeballing

likes cum on his face but doesn't seem to realize that means he’ll get cum on his glasses and will need to clean them

he can wear a chastity belt :) for me

likes being came in but will still complain about being gross after

pretty much up for anything, he’s not picky, he just wants to be in control and get off

[thistangledbrain]

Deliberately lumping 17 & 18 together this time, because 17 isn’t that big of an entry.

Day 17 - “Accommodations”

So from a *personal* standpoint, I need few or no accommodations, as I’ve learned to make my own & have my own coping skills - when you spend most of your life not even knowing you’re autistic, you’re less likely to ask for something to help you with “your weird hangups”.

But younger auties often DO need accommodations- like being allowed to wear headphones/muffs in school, having a quieter testing environment, smaller classes, and so on. And obviously, the more you struggle with certain aspects (like loud noises or crowds), the more accommodations you’ll need.

I admit I don’t have much experience with the kids who truly need the total SPED environments. *Most* (definitely not all) kids I’ve known have all been capable to a degree of adapting to a NT environment. It’s *exhausting*, but possible *most of the time*. So since I’m a child of “suck it UP!”, I’m unfamiliar with this outside of simple accommodations I asked for, for my youngest, when he was in his earlier HS years - like headphones being allowed, and letting him keep his cell phone on him so he could quietly text with me if he was having a rough day & we could walk through it together. As he’s progressed through high school, he’s needed these accommodations less and less. I’ve noticed as my boys have edged through puberty, they leave more and more of their younger struggles behind them.

Your results may vary, of course.

———————————————

Day 18 - “Someday”

Hm. Boy, that’s ambiguous. Maybe I’ll take this one on from a couple different angles.

Someday I hope NTs understand autism better. Someday I hope each autistic person can be judged on their OWN PERSONAL strengths and weaknesses, like NTs are, instead of lumping us all together and deciding we can or can’t do something, based on the fact we’re autistic. For example, I know *plenty* of autistic musicians who play in bands ranging from death metal & punk rock, to smooth jazz. “But I thought autistic people couldn’t handle loud sounds!!”, you exclaim. Yeah, and some of us can. Also, not all loud sounds are created equal. Or sounds in general. A good example for me is, I occasionally jump and let out a little scream when the toast pops up 🙄, but I don’t flinch at the sound of gunfire - because I love to target shoot (I do not hunt), and it’s something I’m really good at, so I enjoy it thoroughly. (I’m not going to get started on America’s gun violence problem because it enrages me. I can rant about that allllll day & already deleted two paragraphs doing just that. This was just a convenient example.)

I’ve been thinking about this a LOT lately, actually. We have our own hurdles, without NTs adding to them, anyway. But I think about “what if I knew I was autistic, before I joined the Marines? Would I still have been as determined?” YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT...BUT I would have hit a brick wall, because they wouldn’t have let me (if I was honest about it, anyway - I’m telling you right now, if every applicant was 100% honest about their background, almost NO ONE would be accepted). So what happened? Well - I was a damned good Marine, that’s what happened - because I didn’t let *anybody* tell me I couldn’t do something. And as I mentioned before...for certain types of auties, the military is actually a pretty fucking brilliant, comfortable environment that we literally thrive in. Again - we are all different. So this “someday” one is BIG for me. Someday I hope we are judged individually on our merits, someday I hope we are looked at through the lens of what we CAN do, versus what *someone else* thinks we cannot do. I have YET to meet an Autie who doesn’t go “OH YEAH?!” when we’re told we “can’t” do something because of our autism. (We might not always succeed, granted, but we really hate being told we “can’t” do something, based on what YOU think we can and cannot do.)

Someday I hope autism is actually celebrated, instead of thinking it’s some sort of scourge. I hope to see that happen in my lifetime.

Someday I also hope that people (the doctors and psych folks and whatever) realize there’s actually a *considerable* difference between male and female autistics - which is why females are so often diagnosed late in life, because we “don’t fit the profile”. I also hope they realize that some females are more like males, and some males more like females, as far as the expression of our ASD. In other words - back to HOW ABOUT YOU EVALUATE US INDIVIDUALLY, FFS. I hear all this shit about how “autism is a spectrum”, and it just seems like lip service - if you KNOW it’s a spectrum, then why are you still trying to pigeonhole us into the DSM-5 definition or whatever, and operating inside generic parameters?? Auties are the most complex human beings you will ever meet in your life - and I stand FIRMLY by that - so your attempts to shoehorn us into your basic understanding of it is frustrating as FUCK. Infuriating, even. No wonder we fight you so bad when you try it. How would YOU like it if we decided that every middle class blonde woman is a “Karen”, and treated you as such? Or if we decided everyone with brown eyes are slow and we should treat all of you brown eyed people the same, like infants? You’d be like, “what the FUCK?” Yeah. It’s a lot like that.

Someday, I hope more therapists understand the autistic brain better, so they can be more helpful. Sometimes the same advice you’d give a NT patient struggling with an issue (let’s say, the death of a loved one or executive function) just won’t ...WORK...for an Autie. As it stands now, most therapists I’ve known go straight to ABA, and that gets frustrating when you just need to let it all out so you can re-center and actually have a discussion. Speaking of ABA, someday I hope teachers and doctors and therapists understand the resentment and feelings of being “wrong” or “bad” that result from ABA. SOME of it is necessary I think, but mostly, all it does is teach repression & lets us know loud and clear that the way we are is “wrong”. I desperately hope ABA is reevaluated - with the input from ACTUAL AUTISTICS. Using ABA for to overcome a problem like, say, potty training or something, is often seriously necessary. But potty training isn’t part of *who we are*, if that makes sense. Most ABA is basically like putting your Autie kid in a dog training bootcamp, with little to no thought about “what makes that kid tick”. It’s all about training you to act in a way that NTs find acceptable (and I have lots and lots of cuss words about that........) I don’t even train DOGS like some schools or therapists train auties. Dogs aren’t beings to dominate, control, and condition to act in ways I find pleasing (but I’m also not a “general trainer”...I’m on the behavior side of things). They’re sentient beings who deserve to have their personalities discovered, their traumas and their hangups, and THEN we work inside THAT dog’s parameters until we’re solid...*then* we start working on pushing them outside of comfort zones and such. AFTER that trust and understanding has been laid down as a solid foundation, for *that specific dog*, regardless of my experience with past dogs (though I do rely heavily on past experiences of course; knowledge of what did and didn’t work with some other dog similar to the one I have now - that sort of thing - but every dog is a whole new being to me...because, well, they actually *are*). Nothing is “cookie cutter”. Every dog is a brand new exploration. I understand that’s putting a lot of pressure on SPED teachers. I understand they’re baffled when I tell them ABA sucks as a because they see “positive results”. Sure - you see positive results in your ability to repress that child. Positive results in the fact that they’ve now learned to hide themselves from you and others. It seems the current ABA methods don’t necessarily teach any sort of useful skills for actually adapting to the flow of the NT world for that kid - just how to repress who they are, so they fit in. In other words - ABA is successful for the NT world - not us. It actually depresses the shit out of me to think about how teachers and counselors view the rocking and flapping kid they’ve now trained to sit quietly in class feels like their work is successful. You didn’t help that kid - you BROKE them, you broke their spirit, you broke who they are. That makes me so angry. Same when these so called “star trainers” can force or intimidate any dog to performative good behavior. Same as the difference between how native Americans train their horses versus how Anglo Saxons or others did/do. In the native culture, we call it “gentling”. In AS culture *it is LITERALLY called “breaking”*. I’m not kidding - look it up.)

As for my personal “someday”....

Someday I’ll write a book about my adventures & struggles in life and what it was like inside my brain through each one. It’s not that I think I’m anything special, but I’ve been asked to do this, and the reasons were pretty logical. And I do love to write, usually. Or maybe it’ll be a book about how my autism is a HUGE advantage in “my line of work” (the dog thing...being sort of more of a dog/human “guidance counselor” than a trainer - since I hear your voice and feelings, and I also hear your dog’s, I’m less of a trainer and more of a bridge between the two. An interpreter, but also almost like a marriage counselor too LOL). I think that’s my biggest “someday” and the only one worth mentioning, because it’s such a huge goal...most of my other personal “someday” stuff, I eventually kinda go “well fucking why not TODAY, bish?!” and I just...DO it.

But generally, someday I hope it’s understood that no two autistic people are alike - but we share enough commonality that it’s possible to understand we’re basically in a different category of people from “normal”. Someday I hope NTs in general drop their stereotypes and get to know us one on one. Someday I hope people realize and understand that even nonverbals are whole ass human beings, with thoughts and dreams and opinions and a whole complex personality that you missed, because you were too busy judging the fact they can’t speak like you do.

Someday I hope you realize we *enhance* the human experience, we don’t detract from it. Someday I hope you realize we are not BROKEN, we are just different. Someday I wish you’ll stop being so smug and stuck up in your “normally functioning brain”, and stop PITYING us. For fucking what??? Experiencing life in a much more complex and deep way?? Bruh. We pity YOU, too. Your world perception often seems dull and wasteful. Limited. OPEN UP - there’s a whole universe out there that you haven’t even explored. So, someday I hope we can enhance each other’s human experience, like my friends and I do. I’d love to see that on a larger scale.

Someday.

[kidspike13]

Day 2 of the @enby-life planned Online Pride 2020

Post about your favourite media representation:

Honestly, with such a wide category as media, I have a hard time choosing a favourite. But with a later chance to talk about books, I think I will focus more on tv/video games/etc. Currently I think my fave show for representation has to be She-Ra and the Princesses of Power! I just recently binged it (over the last week) and it is just JAM PACKED with LGBTQ+ rep, from gay rep to some nonbinary rep (shout out to double trouble!) and even beyond the LGBTQ+ rep it also has autistic rep, and it handles all of it so tactfully and manages to keep just as high drama as some of the best non-representative animated shows out there but without falling into the trap of the “tragic gay” trope. It honestly meant so much to me, watching that show. Especially in the final season.

Honorable mention goes to FL4K in Borderlands 3, because as a character they really helped me work through a lot of my dysphoria issues surrounding my body and voice being very stereotypically masc presenting (I am a 6’1”, ~270lb, barrel chested and broad shouldered and deep voiced AMAB, and with some gatekeeping stereotypes out there that can really make a person wonder if they are/can be taken seriously as nonbinary). FL4K is an incredibly masc presenting character, imposingly tall and solidly built with a voice so deep and gravelly they could be a stand in for one half of the band July Talk, but they are also incredibly certain of and confident in their gender identity throughout the entire game, and even the worst of the worst villains still respect FL4K’s pronouns without question. The game devs even went so far as to start banning people who refused to refer to FL4K using the correct pronouns in chats. I cannot emphasize enough the impact it had on me to see (and play as) that kind of nonbinary rep, it will always have a place in my heart. Even if you aren’t a fan of that type of game or of the brand of humour in it, the fact is they did justice by the representation.

[oceanlandworld]

ive been checking out a lot of 60s psychedelic music lately and it’s been a lot of fun; i have weirdbrains around getting into music and when stressed its REALLY hard for me to get into new music but i think maybe having actual hope for the future for the first time in a while is making me feel more excited about it

also like some of you know this already but autism + being raised by musicians with little to no interest in post-30s music + having no nearby family or other influences that could introduce me to music for most of my life has for a long time given me a weird amount of anxiety around listening to stuff that i know is popular or considered very good, but that i haven’t heard yet.

i don’t know why?? i think maybe i just have this fear of liking it a lot and being the Guy Who Only Just Listened To [song/band] And Talks Like It’s A New Thing. but also probably most people don’t really mind that and/or find it funny/endearing so reminding myself of that helps. also reminding myself that most people* HAVEN’T heard all that many big name albums but have heard Some?

i think it’s partly just people Online being mean about music tastes a lot but tbh hecate has helped me immensely with the whole anxiety. gradually introducing me to radiohead like transitioning your pet to a new food brand

anyways all this is to say that i am listening to the piper at the gates of dawn and enjoying it a lot

*exceptions: contemporary musicians, autistic people

[lgbtsheep]

my aj characters

buckle in pardners cause this is gonna be a looong ride

ya this is gonna be a really long post lol

i finally got a membership!!!!!! so i can make a post with all my characters!!!! which ive been wanting to do for AGES

i’ll put my Main Kids here and then put a read more for those who are interested!

so get ready folks because this is like a big dysfunctional family

MAIN KIDS

Meadow

the “main” boi, the face of the whole group

usually manages stuff like den stores and trading

genderfluid, will go by any pronouns

pansexual

very friendly and sociable! he’s the one you see and think “i should talk to them”

lives in peck’s den, but needs to redecorate it

he loves his bedroom, even if desert went a little crazy decorating it...

this is his pet, Mumbleimus:

he’s a star and he knows it

will probably strike a pose for u

gender roles whomst? he only knows fashion

occasionally makes bad puns

Desert

secret mira fanboy

kind of edgy

tries to act mean or secluded but he’s not really that mean

he/him but he isn’t totally a binary dude

his sexuality is a mystery to everybody, even himself

his bird tendencies are. through the roof. he is just. so very bird.

wants to become a therapist stationed in the basement of secrets

lives in peck’s den or the treehouse

he......... lov his bed................

this is his pet, Musicalfrost!

desert’s PRIDE AND JOY, he would kill for this little gal

punk rock

might try and attack you

mischievous

Atom

me, but cooler

Hip With the Kids™

they/them

bisexual

starts celebrating halloween in august

probably a demon

cryptid and space enthusiast

lives in any of the dens, but most primarily peck’s den and the enchanted hollow

what a nerd.

this is their pet, Oddpebble!

a little fucking rascal

very good at percussion (he has many hands)

definitely a demon

lovable weirdo

Magical

THE OG!!!

very first animal, ever

literally just me

he/they

pansexual

has anxiety issues

tries very hard

huge nerd

lives with greencloud in the default den, but is putting together another den to move into

one of the nonmember kiddos

goes on the land missions/adventures

they really like plants

this is his pet, Windowbee!

kind of creepy but aesthetically pleasing

a lot like onion from steven universe

those feathers he’s holding are what remains of his enemies

Magical loves him

that’s all the main kiddos! the rest are under the cut!

PRIMARY KIDS

Greencloud

was going to be a tertiary, but he complained so much he became a primary

the cooler Magical

probably cooler than you

also hip with the kids

unmedicated ADHD

he/they

bisexual

kind of annoying

acts like he isnt trying, but he really is

lives in the default den

this is his pet, Silverysky!

quiet, tiny punk

kind of shy

is actually pretty cool when you get to know him

Soft™

likes metal and screamo

Bean

kind of freaked out by all the other animals

lives in the default den, but is rarely ever seen there

quiet

always weirded out but tries to go along

he/they

heterosexual (or... attracted to women?? idk) aromantic

the other nonmember kiddo

never talks to anybody

this is his pet, Misscrystal!

the mom friend

all of the animals adore her

she loves u

Pear

a REAL PIRATE!!

goes on the water missions/adventures

adventurous

he/him

heterosexual

YARR

isnt lgbt but is a very enthusiastic ally

lowkey a softie

lives in either the treehouse, the lost ruins den, or the sky kingdom

this is his land pet, Microbook!

he’s very old and kind of kooky

has embraced the pirate aesthetic

wants to be a pirate just like his dad

gets very excited about adventures

loves adventuring w Pear

this is his ocean pet, Summershell!

he loves her to death

isn’t necessarily fond of the pirate aesthetic but doesn’t mind it

she especially loves when Pear gets excited about dressing her like a pirate and coos over her

loves attention

was the product of a crappy trade but Pear didn’t want to get rid of her

not as enthusiastic about being a pirate

Apple

an absolute ray of sunshine

very carefree and friendly

there’s a running gag between the animals about Apple and Pear being a duo called “the fruit bowl”

doesn’t talk very much but will make sure u know he loves u

he/they

asexual aromantic

lives in the lost ruins den, but they really need to decorate it

this is their pet, Uberimus!

he’s pretty spooky but actually very friendly

needs more friends. he scared all his old ones off

quiet

just wants to be loved

gets lots of cuddles from Apple

gentle

Rainy

avid australian

very adventurous

tomboy aesthetic

loves all the freaky animals out there. the more exotic, the better

wants one of those shows where they go to australia and do a lot of dangerous stuff with the wildlife

“that over there is the most venomous animal in the world!...”

“...I’m gonna poke it with a stick.”

she/they (usually they)

homosexual

lives in the treehouse

the only time they’d be seen without their aviator’s hat is if they were dead

Desert got to decorate the bedroom, and, uh... yeah.

this is her pet, Macroimus!

she would kill for this “dapper little fellow”

used to have a top hat and monocle

recently went into an anime phase

loves adventures

Rosy

loves pink

has a very masculine build that he is very happy with

loves flowers and cute things and everything girly

lives in peck’s den

he/him

sexuality? who has time for that? i only have time for fashion.

probably asexual homoromantic (but he’s never really looked into it)

total fashionista

fuck gender roles

luxury.

this is his pet, Toyturtle! (sorry for the bad picture oops)

very pampered

the sweetest little turtle

loves her little beetle friend

friendly but a little airheaded

Lilac

is an artist

a nervous nerd

likes anime

she/her

grey asexual panromantic

lives in the enchanted hollow

shy, but once you get to know her she never shuts up

this is her pet, Sircrystal!

narcissistic

very much like King George’s depiction from Hamilton the musical

probably plotting your murder

he is the best. everybody else in inferior.

thinks he’s an actual king, higher then the alphas

“i’ll kill your friends and family to remind you of my love”

possessive

materialist

Lilac is kind of terrified of him but she still loves him

Sunny

obsessed with nature

an actual child

impulsive

has to be closely monitored or else she’ll probably make stupid decisions

ridiculously friendly

a mildly annoying ray of sunshine

she/her

she’s a literal child she doesn’t know romance

the equivalent of like an 8 year old

lives in the mushroom hut with her brother (she needs to decorate it though!!)

this is her pet, Gummyturtle!

can kick ass

kind of like a tiny bodyguard for Sunny

loves being dressed up

essentially teaches Sunny how to take care of her and properly treat pets, since Sunny does behave much like a child

kawaii as fuck

big,, floppy ears,,,,,,,,

likes spicy food

from Japan

DJ Kawaiimoon

demands you call him by his full name while staring him in the eye

tsundere type

grumpy

secretly soft

likes screamo bands

he/him

bisexual but still figuring it out

the equivalent of 13 years old

Sunny’s brother

lives in the mushroom hut

relatively quiet, but usually complaining if he’s talking

this is his pet, Jellyninja!

DJ Kawaiimoon LOVES him

is like the only person DJ Kawaiimoon is nice to

friendly and boyish

really likes sweets

TERTIARY KIDS

Juniper

still figuring out what the hell her look is supposed to be

frenemies with Lilac

the bad kind of weaboo

pretty problematic

probably posts edgy things in hopes of getting attention

probably fetishizes “yaoi” (ew)

she/her

calls herself bisexual to look “cool” but is actually straight

lives in the enchanted hollow

this is her pet, Snowytitan!

smol

love-hate relationship with Juniper

quiet

absolutely loves everybody (except Juniper sometimes)

if you feed him he’ll keep you in his heart until he dies

quiet

River

is a witch

very very creepy

takes the hyena laughter trope to heart

freaks everybody out

not as mean or scary as everybody thinks she is

they’ll still hex your ass if you wrong them though

she/they

demisexual aromantic

lives in the sky kingdom

not many of the other animals understand her; only really Mellow, Atom, and Magical

this is her pet, Puppyfrost!

also very creepy

spooks everybody

probably posessed

River’s loyal assistant

quiet

can receive prophecies and communicate with spirits

Mellow

blind

mute

just trying to get by

nonchalant and just sort of accepts all the weird shit that happens with the group

mildly edgy

he/him

bisexual demiromantic (has a preference for dudes)

lives in the volcano den

gets along with Bean

sometimes helps River with their magic

this is his pet, Mirrorfrost!

he adores her

sometimes mischievous

quiet and very intelligent

from China

DJ

is a dj

“yooooo that’s radical dude!”

surfer dude personality

very leisurely and kind of lazy

he/him

bisexual, but the type of person you wouldn’t expect to be lgbt

lives in the volcano den and needs to decorate it

very friendly

this is his pet, Zippynote!

DJ thinks he’s such a weird little fellow

and he is

very quiet

kind of just there?

relatively friendly

Quill

moved from India

think’s he’s the “chosen one” picked by Zios to defend Jamaa

wants to be part of “the fruit bowl”

self-proclaimed air-bender

he/him

heterosexual

lives in the sky kingdom

doesn’t really know anybody

heavy accent

this is his pet, Starrymantis!

he ADORES her. he thinks she is the absolute most adorable thing

he still needs to dress her up though

very sweet and friendly

loves cuddles

Mister Wonkybuddy

literally just. a dad. he is dad

he/him

heterosexual

lives in the volcano den to “keep track of those rascal teenagers”

really likes mythologies

used to be an adventurer and even got to meet sir gilbert

this is his pet, Gummypeach!

quiet and kind of creepy

it’s probably just because of his outfit though

Mister dressed him up when he was really absorbed in a book on Egyptian mythology

loves his dad and Mister loves him

Peach

the newest member to the family!

like, she is BRAND SPANKIN NEW. she doesn’t even have a pet

soft pastel nature aesthetic

clumsy due to her masculine frame

socially awkward

autistic

she/her

heterosexual (shes been experimenting with girls though)

lives in the treehouse

WHEW THATS ALL OF THEM!!!

i really hope you love my kids as much as i do!!!! if you like them please reblog them!! i’ve put so much energy into these kiddos. my children. i love them

if you’ve made it this far, holy shit thanks this took me a really long time to put together

bye!!

[elliemuze]

Story time! (Because who doesn't love personal anecdotes on relatable memes?)

College was the most chill experience I've ever had. I was certainly fortunate to have wonderful professors who essentially became part of the family - as all of us in the multimedia program became very close. Still... nothing at all like what I was warned about or heard from others.

Wholesome example: I am terrified of public speaking. Glossophobic. I'm not a social creature whatsoever to begin with, am autistic, and do much better articulating myself on paper than verbally. I am compiled more of anxiety than blood cells.

At the end of the program, we as multimedia students had to give a public presentation on our best work, in front of our peers, professors, any family/friends invited, and three judges (who were renowned elites in the industry). Essentially, it was a test on selling ourselves and our brand. We had about a week or two to prepare, practicing and rehearsing in the room that was to be used. Every time it was my turn to take the floor, I'd freeze up, endure panic attacks, and eventually broke down in tears. (This was just in front of my peers and one professor, who had at that point become my close friends.) These people quickly became the most supportive individuals on the planet, going out of their way to help and encourage me and manage whatever I needed to feel even just a little comfortable. At one point, I'd needed to leave and retreated to the ladies room. My professor came and asked if I was alright, if I needed someone to sit with me, talk, etc. She stayed with me for over an hour, working through it with me, telling me I didn't have to do it if I couldn't, that she'd find a way to work something out with the judges, etc.

Long story short, their kindness and support made me determined to try. And I did it. It was rough. Terrifying. But I did it. My professor stood up when I was done and initiated a standing ovation. (Yes, then everyone clapped lol.) My presentation itself earned the highest mark in the history of my college's multimedia program. The effort I put into the literal presentation was solid, it was a compilation of my best work, but without their help and support, my verbal presentation would have fallen apart. They saw my struggle and banded together to help lift someone else up. I'll never forget that, for as long as I live. So yeah. College, for me, was a hugely rewarding and beneficial experience.

DISCLAIMER, because I feel it's important to stress this: yes, while I was able to overcome many mental obstacles due to the generosity of others, it would have been okay if I didn't. My professors, my peers, made it abundantly clear that I didn't need to put myself in a situation that subjected me to mental or emotional duress. They were prepared to accommodate me in whatever way they could. (Which is how it should be, in any setting, for anyone with phobias, disabilities, neurodivergency, etc.) My determination to push through doesn't elevate me above anyone else. I was just incredibly fortunate and privileged that everything worked out.

TLDR; College was a delight. Every cautionary tale you hear about it from K-12 faculty is typically a big fat lie.

“Oh, you graduated? Nah, I decided I was finished.” (x)

[ol-razzle-dazazzle]

All the gay asks bc you made me do all of them

OWO thank you I love you1. describe your idea of a perfect dateAll of them??? Kakhiwkdkalgr walking around the beach or going to a bookstore or maybe a forest to chill or an abandoned place for a spooky date??? Movie date??? Ocean date??? Marriage date??? All good!!! Crab catching would certainly be on the agenda though. The oceans the best2. whats your “type”My type? Uhh anyone that’s nice to me lmao. Someone i can joke with and I know that cares about me. Quiet on the outside but like, nurturing and fun when you get to know em. Someone that doesn’t let people treat em like garbage because i yearn to be like that. On a side note I’m not sure why but most people i used to tend to have crushes on were ISFJs (or ESFJs) probably because they fit the criteria above. I don’t really like people that are totally my personality, and I think it’s important to not surround yourself with yes people or people that vehemently disagree with you. And communication! V important In terms of looks though? The kinds of girls I’m attracted to vary a lot actually. Buff girls soft girls tall girls short girls thin girls medium girls big tiddy little tiddy it’s all good. I guess I tend to prefer girls that aren’t white (not in a fetishistic way of course it’s just most girls that I’ve had crushes on or knew that were gay that were white just had really bad personalities and that brand of White Feminism™️ sorry if I worded this poorly) brown or black hair I guess? Just someone that doesn’t look like me adjnrujbslltgbk. Also someone I can squish and hug nicely. Of course I think there’s a lotta bullshit with people limiting themselves to only a few criteria and the racism or body type discrimination is total bullshit. Fetishisation is just as bad. There’s just so many cute girls out there why be a shitlord to people y’know? 3. do you want kids?Later on in life, if my partner would then yeah sure why not. I hate babies though so I would...4. if you do, will you adopt or use some other form of child birth?Adopt definitely. I’d personally prefer to adopt a kid that’s older, because they have a less chance of being chosen and I want them to be raised in a loving environment. 5. describe the cutest date you’ve ever been onI’ve never been on an actual date ;v; but tbh any date I’d have with my gf would automatically top the list6. describe your experience having sex for the first time (were you nervous? or was it easy peasy?)I’ve never had sex so I got no gosh dang clue aside from fantasies, which I would be nervous as heck but ultimately want to be as adoring as possible and kisses everywhere7. are you a morning time gay or night time gay?Mornings when you don’t have to go to things are amazing and beautiful but otherwise afternoon or night time gay. Anything that isn’t midday is good though8. opinion on nap dates?I’d be down for it. Sleeping is great, but cuddling and sleeping? Even better! Doesn’t matter for how long but yes! Good shit!!! 9. opinion on brown eyes?Only the most beautiful thing ever??? Brown and black eyes being ugly is a government lie, they are gorgeous. Black eyes just have that deep obsidian stare and like an adoring cat with dialated pupils you just want to hug, and brown eyes??? When the light hits them or you’re staring into them? Beautiful galaxies my dude. 10. dog gay or cat gay?I love dogs but I would never own one unless my partner wanted one. They’re just not a companion I prefer to cats. Cats are very good and fluffy and compact in comparison to dogs. Dogs are amazing though and I need to pay every one I see. 11. would you ever date someone who owned rodents or reptiles?Dude we already planned to live in a pseudo-barn to have crabs, rats, bats, cats and lizards 12. whats a turn off you look for before you start officially dating someoneSomeone who’s very ‘my way or the high way’. (My mum’s a lot like this and it’s caused me to try to constantly be appeasing. But with my mental illness I’ve gotten a lot more irritated by it.) Or someone that is a bit too mean I’m joking about people to the point where you don’t know if they’re serious. (I have this problem a lot with ‘friends’ and it leads to a lot of doubts and depression.) Also highly argumentative people who want to seem better than you and debate everything you say. (Just...ew.)13. what is a misconception you had about lgbt people before you realized you were one?I live in a homophobic family, so I used to think gay was a swear word lmao. I was told that we were unnatural, burning in hell, hypersexual, all that shit. Issues on trans people were even worse, and back when I considered the possibility of me being a trans man (while I experience dysphoria In my body I don’t think I would ID as a man- at the time I didn’t know what agender identities were) I was made to feel like it was the worst thing ever or that it didn’t exist that everyone was just straight and ‘normal’ 14. what is a piece of advice you would give to your younger selfDon’t pretend you’re aroace to hide who you are, you’re autistic but that’s okay just don’t overwhelm yourself, try to do things to the best you can. Also toxic feminity/masculinity is bullshit don’t feel guilty about wearing anything. You’re gay it’s so much easier now and don’t let people dictate of make you defend yourself 15. (if attracted to more than one gender) do you have different “types” for different genders?Lmao nah. There is always that awkward moment when you think you see a hot butch but then he’s a twink. Bamboozled again. 16. who is an ex you regret?A few years ago I was forced into a relationship with some rude ass dude who ignored that I ID’d as aroace at the time. I guess at the time I had some comp het so I think that’s why I went along with it? It was kinda some toxic shit like nothing nsfw but he was just a huge dick that went off at the slightest disagreement and I’m glad I got rid of that trash lmao17. night club gay or cafe gay?Cafe gay by far!!! Well I’ve never been to a night club, but I’m someone who gets overwhelmed by loud noises and people, so it wouldn’t be the place for me. Cafes are relaxing18. who is one person you would “go straight” forNo one lmao, The only possibility of slightly me becoming straight is like a fictional character19. video game gay, book gay, or movie gay?Books and video game gay! There needs to be more gaymes, but books are good I just have less time to read them as opposed to gaymes which I can do whenever 20. favourite gay ship (canon or not)Probably RenMerry from Touhou! These two mean a lot to me, and got me into the series that helped me realise I was a lesbian! These two just work so well together that I strive to have a relationship like that- a slightly bickery old couple with the freshness of new adventure tied together with a love that will never fade away even as it transcends borders~21. favourite gay youtuberDon’t really have one. I’m not really into the British youtuber scene and the ones that I do sub don’t really talk about their sexuality or not (I think sailor j might be bi? But that’s about it) I usually watch comedy channels or vocaloid covers. Actually Oktavia’s Gay, yeah let’s go with her. Her voice is amazing and made me realise how much I love deep voices22. have you ever unknowingly asked out a straight person?Ahbkowejkboesh I’ve had crushes on straight people that I’ve wanted to hang out with but no of course not I’m too shy for that shit23. have you ever been in love?Yes! And I’m still doing so right now! 24. have you ever been heartbroken?While in a relationship? No. But like the whole ‘falling in love with a straight girl senpai and then everyone tells her that you have a crush on her which causes you to be distant to each other leading you to cry copiously at her graduation and never truly repairing your friendship which is all you ever wanted and never being able to talk to her again?’ ...y yeah 25. how do you determine if you want to be them or be with someoneHonestly I try to make a distinction between ‘people I have crushes on’ and ‘people I would date’ bc yeah someone might be cute but dating is another story. I’m someone who varies a lot in style (as someone who may possibly be gender fluid or agender but hasnthad the opportunity to explore that for family reasons) 26. favourite lgbt musician/bandUhhh Queen I guess? Idk I need more gay shit recommend me please. Queen is quality shit though 27. what is a piece of advice you have for young / baby gaysDon’t ever feel the need to apologise or defend you being gay. Be happy even if other people aren’t about you. If you’re autistic chances are you’ll question your identity, don’t worry about it and just love who you love. If you’re a lesbian especially don’t apologise or feel you have to be in a certain role to ‘be truly gay’ and also please ask people out otherwise you’ll never get anywhere- all lesbians are useless and I got lucky shjgowkgowlgr. But above all, don’t feel guilty and have fun exploring yourself and fleshing our who you are, even if you can’t always show that out loud. 28. are you out? if so how did you come outI’m not out to any family member (I say that I’m aroace but they believe I’m straight despite jokes on the contrary) but pretty much everyone that isn’t a complete stranger knows. I can’t help but talk adoringly over my girlfriend so it just happens. Otherwise I go on some spheal about homophobic bullshit dropping hints that I’m gay before saying I’m gay. It’s led to some shittalking and other various bullshit but I don’t give a fuck anymore 29. what is the most uncomfortable / strange coming out experience you have Believing I was aroace and my friends saying that i was in denial of being gay. I was like ‘lmao Domi’s just a friend I lowkey have a crush on her but she’s just being nice :^)’ then like a week later burst through the door like BITCH GUESS WHOS GAY FOR HER GIRLFRIEND 30. what is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexualityEvaluate the consequences of coming out. While I live in a homophobic family, Australia is somewhat accepting and there’s no conversion therapy to my knowledge at least (there are highly fundamentalist Christian groups but I’m not sure if they include forms of violence) Especially if you are in an anti-gay country or an area where you could be persecuted, I think it’s important to be out to at least one person you know who supports you. It could be online or a friend that you know you could trust (if you don’t know if you could try subtly bring it up and see their reaction, but better safe than sorry.) because it’s hard to go through this entirely alone. While it’s important to be unapologetic of who you are, it’s more important to protect yourself- this doesn’t make you wrong, but the people who make you feel wrong wrong.

[avaliveradio]

Jessamine Barham's A Thousand Stars is an Anthem for Today's Troubled Times

“A beautiful fragile song that comforts you with a reminder that there is a universe all around us preventing us from ever really being alone. ’A Thousands Stars’ has a wonderful message that you need to hear. “

Jacqueline Jax : AVA live Radio Host

Artist: Jessamine Barham

New Release: A Thousand Stars

Genre: Folk Rock

Sounds like: : Birdy, Phoebe Bridgers, Regina Spektor (Indie folk) Epica, Tarja, Within Temptation (Symphonic metal)

Located in: San Diego, CA

My music brand is folk-rock with a classical influence. I wrote A Thousand Stars about the old times before technology and the present day where humans have almost become one with machines.

This song was inspired by Aurora's music and medieval, Celtic folk music. I was trying to create a gentle, lullaby-like song.

Recently, I received a touching message from someone about my song A Thousand Stars. “It touches my heart because my cousin whom I grew up with recently passed away to pneumonia and I couldn’t get to visit him due to this pandemic. I miss him so much, and your song lifted my heart because I know he is now a part of a thousand stars.” Originally, this song was written about how technology has taken away what makes us human.

Upon receiving this note, I realized that the song is an anthem for today’s troubled times.

As an artist, a note like this inspires me to write more songs because I’ll never know who I may help with my lyrics. The music I create is folk-rock with a classical influence. My musical influences are indie-folk singers like Birdy and Regina Spektor and symphonic metal bands like Epica and Within Temptation.

Right now, I am in the process of recording two new songs, Chasing a Dream and Marching On. These songs will be part of my second album. I hope to release them later this month or in September.

About the Artist...

Music is my medium for connecting with the human soul. It has always provided me a way to express my thinking in a world that does not seem to stop and listen to the timid and vulnerable.

As I stated in my song The Silent One, “She’s just a girl who’s held down by the fear she feels inside,” music allows me to express how I often feel trapped and alone.

My musical training started early when I sang in the San Diego Children’s Choir when I was in elementary school. It continued in my high school choir and the San Diego State University choir. Since fifth grade, my musical home has been Kalabash School where I have sung musical theater, pop standards by Adele and Taylor Swift, and more recently alternative music and symphonic rock.

I began writing and recording my songs in a music studio with the help of my teacher and singing partner Natasha Kozaily. From this collaborative effort, we produced Out of the Shadows, my first album, in 2018. My two singles A Thousand Stars and Denial were produced by Alex Arango in 2019 and 2020.

My music is inspired by my experiences as a quiet young woman on the autistic spectrum and my struggles with loneliness. As Amelia Vandergast from A & R Factory states, my songs offer “narrative lyrics, operatically dynamic vocals, and a melody which simultaneously offers melancholy and uplifting resonant vulnerability.”

LINKS: 

https://open.spotify.com/album/31oy9pxQ2R6iIURLHs5Omx?si=rdmPUibcSBaOYWzBqJiNwA https://twitter.com/jessybarham https://www.facebook.com/JessamineMusic https://www.instagram.com/jessybarham

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