#autiomaa thoughts

[jerejerejere]

Well.

I guess I'm doing this...collection of observations from the autiomaa mv (i'm not going to call it an analysis) tonight after all 😅

So the mv starting out with a really short flash of the tear-illusion shot, then some short bursts of him in 2 locations in the mv, followed by a longer pan on a cracking facade...

The light effects on the wall look like being under water, which also kind of replicated by the fabric of his coat.

The following couple of scenes establish where he is - aimlessly wandering in some abandoned house - we zoom in intensely, almost uncomfortably close to his neck and eyes - he's making almost pleading eye-contact. He is wandering further, through the house, arriving at and entering

A staircase through a door, which closes after him.

To me, this signifies his decision to enter esc. The staircase can take you upwards - maybe signified by the lighted glass wall above. But what we see is not him confidently walking upstairs but being caught in that hallway, traveling up and down the stairs. He hasn't reached the upper floor and is caught in limbo. Alone with himself.

The therapist scene starts. He slinks in, hunched, making himself smaller than he is, drowning in his clothes. The session also takes place in a warehouse but it's set up in a way that it might as well be an interrogation.

He is pleading again - spilling everything out in the hope he's understood. However, what we see next is him talking/singing to a mirror image of himself. Either to signify he is talking to himself because the therapist doesn't listen and/or only he himself can truly understand and listen to his problems.

We get the photo scene - that one has been talked about at length

And that flash seems to start a transition in the video from where flashes were mainly used as separating element between shots to actually flashing on him physically and more relentless than before.

He is transversing more rooms and hallways - followed and faced by dozends of flashes from cameras, spotlights follow and corner him - he can't hide or evade.

He keeps traversing hallways and empty rooms but he seems locked inside - restless and defeated at the same time - either visual for his mind that he can't open up about but also very much likely his real life situation not being able to leave the house in peace.

He longingly stares out of the window. This is where i'll stick my neck out and say they deliberately recreated the visual from his Vogue shot in profile. I can only speculate but to me, it's to put something into contrast, either between then and now/after or maybe between outside vs inside. I mean. Look at it:

We see him(?) as a shadow behind the upper floor glass wall in the light - he made it there after all but we/his mind is still watching from below and can't make contact with that person up above.

His dance moves get more and more erratic, a bit like someone waiting and slowly going crazy from it.

Watching the headlines with the therapist seems to upset him. They are projected in stark white and big - because they are important to him, because they are bigger than him or because he is watching his own life happening like a movie but not feeling any of it as real. Others can't relate to it because it's just too uncommon and crazy. He realizes this while looking at his therapist, seeing how could anyone ever get it who hasn't gone through the same thing - he'll not have a chance to get this across.

His dancing gets even more lifeless afterwards - almost swaying in a traumatized manner barely holding himself upright, especially after the therapist proves to be useless and making things worse even. (To me, it's not quite clear what the cigarettes offered by the therapist signify - pharmaceutical drugs/tablets? The only way out is returning to his old vices?)

We end a little like we started - with an intense stare into his eyes. They are not pleading. They know. They see. (They demand better.)

Aaaand that's it for now. (I'm sure there will be one or two ''AND ANOTHER THING!'' but i'd love to hear from you also!!!)

Thanks for listening to my TED talk <3

[mitamicah]

Amazing album!!! First listen through and I will say I feel myself really drawn to Ready to Go

(this gif was pretty much me the whole album run x'D)

[bisonaari]

I don't know if it has been done here before because I don't look around, but I have thoughts about the album and I need to share them with someone or I'm gonna go INSANE

Put your tinfoil hats on for my analysis of everything around People's Champion under the cut (probably people have talked about it and I'm just gonna repeat stuff, be warned)

So I've been a bit insane about People's Champion and I've started to think super hard about the order of the songs. I think, in my opinion, that the songs are arranged to tell the story of his life and career from right after UMK 2023 until now.

Ready To Go: This is where we start. Just post UMK, people didn't fully believe in him yet. I remember people saying "oh yeah sweden is sending someone who already won esc, but we're sending… Jere from Vantaa????". Hence the chorus, where people want to see him fail. But he's ready, he knows that he can do it. He's gonna go through and give his EVERYTHING. The mood of the song is really hopeful, with big intense guitar.

Cha Cha Cha: Do I need to explain this one here? I'm still not over this hahaha, I don't think I'll ever be. But this is where events take a turn for him, hence why it's so early in the album, even though it's his biggest song. Because he has so much to say after Cha Cha Cha happened.

Takavoltti: This is where things start to fuck up. He doesn't want to stay on his butt now that he has achieved celebrity and starts to take on so many, many gigs. A lot of us were worried for his health when we saw how much he was performing during summer 2023. But in the song, he says that he only saw opportunities and he just had to continue to take them. It takes a toll on his body. It starts to hurt, but he goes through it. That mad man. Also a couple of times in the song, people ask him to do stuff. Like a little circus monkey. And he just ends up hurting himself.

Ruoska: The bad comments start to really get to him. In the video, Erika and Käärijä are both dressed and perform as aliens. They've completely been striped of their humanity. They're just gimmicks that you can insult anonymously on the internet. Who cares anyway, they chose this life for themselves. It's their own fault. While the previous song was still a bit on the funny side, this one digs straight into the hardships that they feel. There is no more humour, only pain.

Kot Kot: He's still doing too much. While everyone has gone home, he's still drunk on the dancefloor, trying to reach out for friends who were wiser and left. He's being dragged out of there against his will, because he's so stubborn. Pushing through isn't working anymore, and people around him aren't letting him hurt himself anymore.

Skit: An appointment with a therapist. Käärijä is being cut off CONSTANTLY by the therapist, who can't see Jere as a patient. He sees Käärijä, the star. Even when he's trying to seek help, he isn't listened to. Because he's not human anymore for people at that point.

Autiomaa: Käärijä is breaking down. In the video, the therapist from the skit is taking a picture of him during the appointment. The feeling of loneliness and emptiness is around him all the time, omnipresent, eating him alive. He just wants someone to see him as a person, to listen to him, to help him with the void.

Sex=Money: At that point, you know, might as well. You're not human anymore, who cares. Why not try to get some money selling your ass. Who's gonna care anyway, sex sells and that's what people want to see, right? He made so much money on onlyfans, the press is acting shocked that he would even do that. The song is back to a bit light-hearted. My interpretation would be that he just finds the situation ridiculous, and that's why we're getting humour back in the lyrics!

Bananas: I'm not sure how this one fits in my theory, but we're SO back for humour. Kääriä is getting better. I think that in this one he found resolve to just continue going on. He's annoyed because people still only see him as an object, but he has to go through and live his life. Show must go on.

Huhhuhhei: Quite interesting to put a love song in this timeline in the story. But I think it's because he wants to live in the present, and not in anxieties from the past and the fear of the future. He doesn't know if the person sharing his bed is still gonna be there in the morning, but whatever, it's not important. Tonight, they're his and that's what matters. Thinking of tomorrow isn't gonna bring anything good.

It's Crazy It's Party: He's still stuck in the parties, they're around him all the time. He's still doing a million gigs in Finland and in europe. And just as the song is quite close to Cha Cha Cha, he's back at the beginning, the situation hasn't changed much. But this time, by the end, he goes to the party again, by his own will. And this time, he has people around to party with him.

People's Champion: We're back babes. This song is a love letter to people who love him. This is a great wrap around for this album. He's just remembering how everything went, from the start, until this point. Going through every point and emotion we've been through with him during the album. But in the end, he IS people's champion. He did it. He made it. And even with all the hardships, he's with us, when our hearts all sing together. The last line of this album that isn't a chorus is "Thank you everybody, I love you".

What a journey

So something that you have noticed that I've talked a lot is how people don't recognize Käärijä's humanity. He has been made into a kind of creature of gimmicks. You can ask him everything, you can say everything to his face. Whatever, he's a celebrity, not a person.

And this is where that cover is a GENIUS move.

On the cover, there are NO gimmicks. No bolero, no bowl cut, no bare chest with a tattoo. Just his face. You HAVE to watch his face, there is nothing else to see. You have to watch his emotion being raw, he's crying. This is not a pleasant cover to see. And I know, I've had spotify open on his face all day friday while I was working, it felt awful. But it makes you do something.

You have to acknowledge his humanity. And there's no way around it.

I love Käärijä

[bisnes-socks]

i added my thoughts to the takavoltti lyrical analysis here but today i want to talk about why i think takavoltti is one of käärijä's most finnish songs ever.

this got a bit long, so just so you know what to expect going in: what i mean by most finnish is that there are references and tone of voice that are very specific to finland, there is complex use of the finnish language AND there are melodic/musical choices in the song that sound very finnish to me.

okay, here goes.

the dialogue that opens the song is already a sort of key moment to this finnishness of it all. when he says "emmä tiedä, kolisee jos kolisee, mut mun on pakko sit koittaa vetää tosi matalalla" he is doing a bit of a voice but more than that, he is talking in a way that is not quite his. his inflection, the rhythm, those are not natural to him or his dialect. you can hear it particularly when he says "koittaa vetää tosi matalalla". i don't know if it's at all easy to hear if you're not finnish, but it's not.. a serious voice or tone. the other two voices, one of them is modified to be high and the other talks like a sports announcer. the whole scene is quite comedic and it's a very specific genre of comedy that is very finnish indeed. it's also the type of thing he has been doing since always. (EDIT: OKEI MORE CONTEXT IN A REBLOG HERE)

funnily enough, you guys know köpi kallio now, the therapist in skit and autiomaa video? yeah köpi and his long time partner in crime viki are good examples of this type of humour i would say. they have their own podcast/show called viki ja köpi show but before that they were radio hosts and have been working together for ten years. the character voices and the whole vibe of the scene in the beginning of the song is very viki ja köpi to me, very ylex type comedy (yes ylex the radio station who did the ruisrock interview who still isn't back from the war).

and the small comedy bits stay in there through out the song, and they continue to have the same delivery instantly recognisable as comedic.

and that isn't to say the subject matter can't be serious. i think, again, this is something that feels inherently finnish to me. other finnish people feel free to chime in because this is hard to explain, but our culture is one where coping through making light of things is quite normal. and our sense of humour tends to be on the darker side, at least if you compare it to the american style of comedy that has taken over globally. so to make a song about there being too many demands on you and how you have a problem with setting boundaries and agreeing to insane shit, but to do it by interjecting the song with jokes just idk.. it sits in our culture lmao.

i honestly don't know how to explain this better, but quite dark comedic elements like this (after all he gets properly fucked up in the stunts it seems) in a song with a serious subject matter is something we've been doing for decades in this country (juice leskinen, for example) and it is something so loved by finnish people. we love a song that is just fucked up on multiple levels. käärijä is just adding his own style to this cultural history.

okay, onto the language.

the verse opens with "tekevälle sattuu" which is a finnish proverb.

quick finnish lesson: the word sattua in finnish means both to hurt and to happen. the word tehdä means to do but tehdä kipeää means hurting. like.. now that i think about it tämä tekee kipeää = this is doing (me a) hurt is valid and correct finnish lmao.

tekevälle sattuu, the proverb, actually means "things happen to those who do" but he is playing with the different meanings here, because he goes on to say "ain sattuu ku tekee" which can both mean "things always happen when you do" or it can mean "it always hurts when you do". then he goes on to say "ku tekee, ku kipee, ni kipeetä tekee" which is once again playing with words, because kipee here means both pain but also being sick. "ku tekee, ku kipee" would translate as "when you do as if you're sick" and "kipeetä tekee" means that it hurts.

so to recap (i'm not trying to provide a smooth translation, but highlight his wordplay:

tekevälle sattuu = things/pain happen to those who do [things]

ain sattuu ku tekee = shit happens/you get hurt when you do [things]

ku tekee, ku kipee, ni kipeetä tekee = when you do [things] like you're sick [in the head], you get hurt

so this is all to say two things: he's using the finnish language in a very clever way that really only becomes clear if you know the language and all of these idioms and proverbs. and also that he is very good at what he does. it has taken me four paragraphs to explain 13 words.

and he doesn't even end there. "oon yllytyshullu, ain hulluksi yllyn" is more play on words. jesus, jere. okay guys, stay with me.

yllytyshullu i explained in my previous analysis, but recap: yllytys means incitement and hullu means crazy. yllytyshullu is someone who does crazy shit when prompted.

"ain hulluksi yllyn" here he is using the word yltyä which is the same root as yllytys, but yltyä means usually more like.. to intensify. (for example: sade yltyy = the rain is getting heavier, or tuuli yltyy = the wind is picking up)

so to say hulluksi yllyn, he's saying like.. i let myself be incited and/or i always take it to the max, to the point of crazy.

and then he uses very clever rhyming words: "ja tää hullunmylly on kylmempi kylpy". hullu means crazy, mylly means mill, hullunmylly is basically a hullabaloo.

as you can tell, all of this is like bordering on impossible to translate accurately into a smooth translation. and that's just the first verse, but i'd be here all night if i explained the whole entire song 😭

and this to me is a very clear sign that no matter what sort of an audience he has internationally, he's not compromising on his language. and i find that admirable and, as a finnish person, very comforting too. this song is sort of reassuring, like he is reinserting himself very firmly into finnish culture, with the language and the comedy that do not translate very well. 

and if you look at the pre-chorus and chorus, the specific references keep coming: calling him kärtsä (finnish people have a lot of nicknames for him), "hyppää kybäst pommi" the slang use of kybä to mean ten meters, he mentions duudsonit (the dudesons) and he mentions jorvi hospital. all of these feel like he is signalling to a very finnish audience. (also "oon syypää sun hymyyn" could count as a cheek reference, cheek used to be like the biggest rapper in finland).

okay, time for melody and music speak. i only have one simple point here: melodically and musically speaking that has to be the most suomi iskelmä chorus i've heard from him. ever.

you could take that melody and insert it as the chorus to like any song on iskelmä radio. iskelmä is a finnish schlager music genre. kind of impossible to describe but something that finnish people will instantly recognise. the opening, with the piano synth could also open an iskelmä song.

very suomi, very iskelmä.

so.

all of this is why i think takavoltti is about as finnish as it gets. a suomi iskelmä about having serious issues with boundaries that uses clever finnish and paints a comedic picture of a banged up black-eyed käärijä who has dislocated his shoulder but is still showing thumbs up is like.. so much finnish condensed into three and a half minutes.

i know not everyone thinks the song is hilarious but i do. it's both hilarious and very serious and that's how we like it here.

and of course the fact that there is an "ai vittu" in there. we like that too.

[tmrwds]

Autiomaa lyrics + English translation

Puhjennut ilmapallo Ja autiomaa On hiekkaa silmissä Mut en mä näkis mitään muutenkaan Ilman heliumii en pääse takas korkeuksiin Ajatuksissain tyhjyyttä vain Tyhjyyttä vain

Taas ypöyksin ajatusteni kaa Oon eksyksissä enkä löydä ajatusteni taa Täs on ollu jonkin aikaa Pääl jos jonkinmoista vaivaa Ei sun tarvi päätä paijaa Kunhan kuuntelet

Mä oon lopettanut viinan ja röökin Ja ryhtyny kuntoileen Mä oon jättänyt for you pagen Ja lähteny ulkoileen Silti mun pääni on tyhjä ku tunturin laki josta puuttuu puut Miks sydän ei oo happy Vaik se on lucky niinku Luke

Puhjennut ilmapallo Ja autiomaa On hiekkaa silmissä Mut en mä näkis mitään muutenkaan Ilman heliumii en pääse takas korkeuksiin Ajatuksissain tyhjyyttä vain Tyhjyyttä vain

Ajatuksissain tyhjyyttä vain Tyhjyyttä vain

Pää on pehmee ku lampaanvilla Mielenjuoksu ku apinalla Ja mä vaeltelen sekavana tyhjän taulun kankahilla Oon aina kuitannu onneni apilalla En osaa nauttia tuloksista Vaik ne olis tullut työllä ja sikaniskal Täs on menny pari vuot autopilotilla Ei siinä ehtiny kuunteleen

Mä oon opetellu puhumaan Ja alkanu huolella tunteileen Mä oon ottanu itelleni aikaa Ja satsannu suhteeseen Silti mun pääni on tyhjä Ku tunturin laki josta puuttuu puut Miks sydän ei oo happy Vaik se on lucky niinku Luke

Puhjennut ilmapallo Ja autiomaa On hiekkaa silmissä Mut en mä näkis mitään muutenkaan Ilman heliumii en pääse takas korkeuksiin Ajatuksissain tyhjyyttä vain Tyhjyyttä vain

Ajatuksissain tyhjyyttä vain Tyhjyyttä vain

--

A popped balloon And a desert Sand in my eyes But I wouldn't see anything anyway Without helium I won't get back to the heights In my thoughts there's only emptiness Only emptiness

All alone again With my thoughts I'm lost and can't find the way to go behind my thoughts Been having all kinds of ailments for a while You don't have to pet my head As long as you listen

I've quit the booze and cigarettes And started working out I've left for your page And started going out Still my head is empty Like the top of a mountain with no trees Why isn't my heart happy Even though it's lucky like Luke

A popped balloon And a desert Sand in my eyes But i wouldn't see anything anyway Without helium I won't get back to the heights In my thoughts there's only emptiness Only emptiness

In my thoughts there's only emptiness Only emptiness

My head is soft like sheep's wool Mind running like monkey's And I'm wandering in confusion In an empty painting's canvas I've always reasoned my luck with a clover I can't enjoy the results Even if I've achieved them with hard work and pig's neck A couple of years have passed on autopilot There was no time to listen

I've learned how to talk And started showing my emotions seriously I've taken time for myself And made an effort for the relationship Still my head is empty Like the top of a mountain with no trees Why isn't my heart happy Even though it's lucky like Luke

A popped balloon And a desert Sand in my eyes But I wouldn't see anything anyway Without helium I won't get back to the heights In my thoughts there's only emptiness Only emptiness

In my thoughts there's only emptiness Only emptiness

[boyguk]

A small backstory Köpi shared about Skit & Autiomaa

Köpi happened to run into Jere and his people in a recording studio. Since they know each other they ended up hanging out for a bit while Köpi was working on his song. When he was about to leave they suddenly seemed oddly shy/meek and then asked if they could ask him something.

They told him they’re thinking of putting a skit on the album, and they were wondering if Köpi would like to pretend to be Jere’s therapist. Köpi agreed to do that and was like “I’m not gonna write anything though, just turn the mic on” and then he just came up with random stuff. Jere and his team ended up completely loving it. Jere’s bits were added later, so Köpi had no idea what kind of replies Jere ended up giving to him.

Then they contacted Köpi again, and asked if he’d like to be part of Autiomaa’s MV too because the song ended up becoming related to the skit. Köpi saw the bad HS review about him and People’s Champion and it made him laugh, because the whole thing was not planned at all and the reason why he happened to be at the studio at the same time as Jere back then was actually really ridiculous (he was there to record a tango song about balls 😭).

Köpi also shared that he died inside when he was talking with Jere and he said he’s been really liking his music videos, he was listing his favourites and ended up complimenting Hiiohoi’s MV and Jere was like "you mean Huhhahhei?” and then Köpi said "ah yeah that one, I thought that MV was really great” and then Jere was like "…we never did a music video for that” 💀

[little-drop-of-water]

I've finally had the chance to listen to People's Champion in order and I have some thoughts that have been going around my head. Actually, this idea first came when I listened to Sex=Money.

The lines about the therapist seem a bit confusing. Some think he's talking about his own therapist making money out of his situation. Others think he's talking about therapists as a group and that people in Finland are so shocked from him going from "family fierndly" to R rated that they ended up going to therapy.

I think the second take might be closer to what he meant, but of course is not meant to be taken literally. It's an exageration about the way people have overreacted to him moving away from his ESC "family friendly" phase and going back to his most usual not meant for children content.

But then again, the therapist is an interesting character, because they're making lots of money from the situation (they got themselves a brand new Volvo with turbo) at a very low risk to them. And that got me thinking, there's been a group of people that have benefited from Käärijä's fame in a similar way that the therapist does in the song: the media.

This idea that the therapist might be a metaphor for the media/journalists makes more sense to me after Skit and Autiomaa came out.

Skit hit hard on a personal level, even before I read the translation. This is because I overthink a lot and have a hard time forming coherent sentences, so when someone interrupts me when I speak, is really frustrating. Skit reminded me of a bad interview more than a therapy sesion. Think Kelly Clarkson's talk show, where she interrupts her guests and never lets them finish what they want to say. The therapist does exactly that. He behaves like a very unprofessional journalist (you know, like the ones Jere has had to deal with). Not only he interrupts Jere, he also makes assuptions based on what little Jere is able to blurt out before being interrupted again. An actual therapist (or an actual journalist for that matter) would never behave that way.

In Autiomaa, he talks about what he's been going through the last couple of years, how he's been feeling and how he wants to be listened. And then in the MV, the therapist...doesn't pay attention to him. He only takes a picture of him and continues to ignore him. The only notes he takes are "funny guy" and "not married :p", everything else in his note pad are doodles. This is very similar to the way the media has reduced Jere to "the funny party guy" and only care to take his picture, even when he doesn't want to.

So, basically, like the therapist character in the album, the media has done the same things to Jere:

There's a part of the video where Jere and the therapist are watching the headlines about Käärijä. Jere looks uncomfortable,  but the therapist seems to be the one making him watch (not as extreme as in A Clockwork Orange, but he's still forcing him to a point). This reminded me of the times journalists have dug into Jere's past for totally unnecesary reasons, like the time they found out how much he earned in 2022 or when someone else reminded him that he had to sell his moustache and then telling him how far along he's come from that.

*Not paid attention to the deeper meaning of his lyrics, reducing his work to just "party music".

*Reduce him to a cartoonish or clownish character.

*Remind him of unpleasant moments of his past for unnecesary reasons.

*And on top of that, cashed a lot of money from his fame.

[jedibinx]

I dunno why but I feel like I need to clarify Some things about me because I hate it when people misunderstand me and then think badly of me.

So. Some things about me and that I'm about:

- I'm 35, on the spectrum, suffer with chronic anxiety and have struggled my entire life to connect with people

- My special interest is Käärijä and the absolute love of my life. Writing is my second love with arts and crafts following closely behind and I glean immense joy from creating Käärijä related things with these hobbies

- I also enjoy sharing and making people smile for two reasons. 1. Sometimes all it takes to make someone's day is a kind gesture and 2. I've been in the pits of hell and it's not something I want anyone else to feel

- We have grown so accustomed to everyone speaking in riddles and having multiple meanings to their comments that often people take what I say to mean something different but from the bottom of my heart - if I say something then that's what I mean. There's no hidden agenda there's no double meaning. I mean what I say and I say what I mean. People have taken things I have said before and got mad at me for a reason that they put there but then I feel bad and then get too afraid to speak and isolate and then the sadness begins

- I like to think I don't care what people think of me but the chronic people pleaser within me does care. This means that sometimes I come across as a try hard. I'm sorry, I'm just trying to connect in the only way I know and I also don't want people to think badly of me because I always try to be a good person

- Because I struggle to communicate properly, if someone tells a story I will tell a story back to show I empathise with them and can understand where they're coming from. Sometimes people think I'm self centred and I'm sorry, I'm not, it's just again, how I try to connect. Like if someone shares a käärijä pic they like I'll do the same because I'm trying to connect and empathise, not to show off or one up them

- When someone is mad at me or someone confuses me with something I'm unfamiliar with, I'll try and understand by asking questions and talking about it until I understand. Some people will take that as argumentative and I'm sorry, I'm not trying to argue, I'm trying to understand

- Käärijä - my favourite artist. My favourite song is Autiomaa because I relate so much to it. Does it say a lot? Not sure. It says something

- Käärijä is super special to me not just because he's a special interest but because he has a good soul, a heart of gold and he stands for everything I believe in which is inclusion, kindness and just... laughing and not taking things too seriously

- I found käärijä at a time in my life when I needed him most and he's been there for me ever since. Because of him I also now have more friends than I've ever had, more creative inspiration than I've ever had and more love than I've ever had

I guess my point is really that käärijä has positively impacted on my life in ways he will never know, and the fandom has done the same for me, and Id probably go so far as to say this place and käärijä has saved my life. I don't want that spoiled by people misunderstanding me so I thought I'd just put this out there to just clarify who I am to everyone but also I needed to remember too amidst big feelings. I try to be a good person, but I am just a human being after all, like everyone else.

Much love 💚💙💜🖤

[omppupiiras]

my long & rambly thoughts about People's Champion the album 🍄‍🟫

Ready To Go.. ahh, first I have to make a confession that my first impression of this song was basically "..that's it?". But in my defence it was in the middle of the night & I was not maybe in the most receptive mood. 😂

but then over the course of a few days I went from "ok maybe i like it actually" all the way to "WAIT. it is a bop and also WHY AM I GETTING EMOTIONAL OVER IT? 😭😭" I could write a whole ass post about all my ready to feels and thoughts. It is, of course, about how Jere's ready to go. He doesn't care if the shoes he's stepping into are too big for him, he doesn't care that people don't believe in him. He knows that people only want to see him fail and are waiting to say "I told you so" when it happens. But he doesn't care about any of that because HE believes in himself. He's not giving up and he's going to give it his all and hell, this whole thing COULD blow up in his face but he doesn't care. He's ready to GO.

(and there's also something very naive and bittersweet about ready to go to me, he's giving this thing his all and throwing himself into it with eyes wide open, believing and trusting and full of expectations, but he doesn't actually know or understand where this road will take him. he will actually succeed beyond his or anyone else's wildest dreams, but there's no way he could have known before it happened how much it would cost him)

and ofc CCC coming immediately after ready to go is absolutely PERFECT placement!! I immediately became obsessed with the idea of the story this album was going to tell when we got the album art and title, and OH BOY. They did not disappoint!!

Because speaking of this album telling a story, next we have Tavavoltti. On first listen it's kind of a light-hearted funny song with fun sounds. But it following CCC makes one realize that hey. Wait. Oh. It's actually saying so much about his experiences after CCC. Like with ready to go i could write a darn essay about this song but.. it's about him being unable to say no. It's about him being the funny guy, and hey, funny guys can't not be happy, right?

(Täst roolista ryydyn, mut hymy ei hyydy

Oon syypää suun hymyyn, siks rooliini tyydyn

Everybody wants something from him and they don't mind tearing him apart to get it. And he's got everything a person could want, right? Surely? He's definitely not supposed to complain, so he resigns himself to the role of a circus monkey, the masochist that he is, and pushes himself to his absolute limits. (not to say that this song is all sad bc it's not! the chorus IS hopeful though maybe in a slightly melancholy way) but ONCE AGAIN a song that sounds like a bop is actually way more deep and meaningful than it has any right to be!! 😭

playing this role exhausts me, but my smile doesn't slip

i'm the reason for your smile, and that's why i accept my role)

and whew speaking of being a masochist, next we have ruoska. damn. DAMN. this album, man. i love ruoska moving on

Kot Kot, kot kot. This song boldly starts off with "mayday", and isn't that a choice? To me Kot Kot is about Jere needing help but he hasn't admitted that to himself yet. He has given away so much of himself yet he doesn't understand why he feels so empty now. The partying and drinking don't really help but it's all he knows how to do.

Skit immediately following Kot Kot kills me DEAD. It makes both of these songs desperately sad. In Kot Kot, he needs help. In Skit, he's asking for it and being dismissed. My theory is that the therapist in Skit represents how difficult it was for him to reach out for help or even to have people who understand. How could he even explain to someone how something so amazing can be so terrible? Does anyone even care to hear that, to listen to him talk about it? His problems aren't normal people problems, anymore.

Autiomaa, autiomaa, autiomaa. I loved Autiomaa from the first snippet he shared and the full song did not disappoint. Bye bye my old favorite Käärijä song Menestynyt Yksilö, Autiomaa has taken your place. 😭 Seems like I have a theme going on lol, I love songs where he gets real and personal, and in Autiomaa he does that on a whole new level.

I love that he was brave enough to write Autiomaa and bold enough to make sure people understood Autiomaa is a big deal to him. He wanted to share his feelings and be understood and heard. The music video is such a piece of art and besides being so emotional this song is just so damn GOOD. He's such a master of the finnish language in the way he writes lyrics.

I love sex = money and of course in true käärijä style it's a bop but it also says something very real with its lyrics. but hey! sex sells! better get selling then

bananas is the song i have the least feelings & thoughts about haha. I like all the foodstuff lyrics but that's about it 😂 maybe i will have more feelings about it when i hear it live

next we have Huhhahhei and I must confess.. it's not for me fam. I don't like it. 🙈 I can't put this into words in any way that makes sense, but to me Huhhahhei is different to every other Käärijä song. The lyrics are generic in a way that almost makes it feel like this song is about nothing at all. I don't see it as a love song either, to me the lyrics are just saying words to say them without really meaning anything. so for that reason to me Huhhahhei is the song that fits on this album the least.

icip kind of feels like a breath of fresh air in the album - it's crazy it's party, life is life. things aren't so doom and gloom anymore. with its placement in the album it feels like jere accepts all the good and the bad and now he has learned to enjoy being an artist again. he's had a hell of a party that he couldn't escape, maybe he lost his mind a little along the way, but he made it out to the other side. ta-da, ta-da, ta-da...

and lastly, People's Champion. It's a lovely song and a perfect song to end the album with. but i have written so many words now i dont have much left for people's champion dgdfgldf but i love it a lot and im so glad jere won the battle for this to be included bc truly, what would this album be without this song??

[peri-peri-sauce]

[autiomaa yeehaw troubled soul here again]

first of all tysm for your answer and for always being so sweet and so accepting! <3

idk i think it's a weird mixture of sadness and horniness that i feel. exactly bcs the subject is so heavy, that yeehaw feels almost like an explosion of pent up frustration/ aggression even, which is so sexy to me

also in the mv in that particular moment, idk if you've noticed, i have, there's this extreme close-up where for a split second he stares directly at the camera i'm-

as for my *thoughts*… let's just say they are appropriately themed (slow mo riding under sultry lighting, desert dirt and sweat, leather chaps and cowboy boots and hats -you get it) i also need to see him ride a mechanical bull, IF he could *not* be silly about it

i'm so glad we're both auditory people 🤝🏻 next time maybe we should chat about the aggressive part of s=m, which has in fact ruined me 😭

Hello again dear Anon ☺️

To be honest, I had never really paid attention to that yeehaw in the context of the song, but now that you mention it, I can totally see it as an explosion of pent-up frustration. It's like all that sadness builds up, getting tighter and tighter until it reaches a breaking point and suddenly bursts like a climax (😏)

Even though I love Autiomaa I haven't watched the music video much because it makes me really sad. But I just rewatched that specific part and oh God... He's looking right into my soul, it actually made me nervous and flustered 😳 Okay now I get it... yup, I definitely do...

See? This is why I'm conflicted about this MV!!! It makes me sad but at the same time it kinda turns me on with all those close-ups and the side profiles 😩

I totally agree with your thoughts omg… slow riding in an empty, warm desert, bodies slick with sweat, moans echoing through the open space, plenty of grabbing and leaving dirt marks on each other's bodies... 😵‍💫 The peace is slow, but you can feel the frustration in Jere, how badly he wants to let it out, explode and release all that built-up tension, reaching the climax he's been craving for so long, just like in the song...

Also, you know what they say... Save a horse, ride a cowboy

The other day I saw someone say that Autiomaa is a really good song to fuck to and to be honest I couldn't even argue with that because they were right 🙂

To be fair, I don't think he'd be able to ride a mechanical bull without doing something silly and posting it on TikTok, but hey, one can dream 😔 He would look so hot holding onto the handles of the bull with one hand while using the other to steady himself, trying to find balance so he doesn’t fall… also the way his hips would move... ugh thanks for putting that image in my head 🥵

ALSO OH MY GOD ANON I AM SO READY TO TALK ABOUT SEX = MONEY AS MUCH AS YOU WANT I CAN'T SHUT UP ABOUT HOW HOT THE WHOLE SONG AND CONCEPT ARE! The fast rapping at the start, the "Yeah, argh" before the second verse, the growling voice when he raps the Tein OnlyFans bägin part, KOKO SUOMEN DADDY!!!!! HOLY SHIT I am creaming my pants right now 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

[a-crash-in-time-collection]

Chapter 58: When The Sea Loves The Moon

Winter wasn't the time for rain, at least usually. Freezing rain was a thing, of course. But not this. The rain that poured from the sky that morning was the rain you would see at any other point in the year. You could hear the faint thunder from the sky. A storm slowly building it would seem. The orbital station handled a few throughout the time they had been here but this was so sudden compared to it all. Could the high winds destroy some of the work they had done? They were getting so close to getting home…

The source of this unnatural rain was clear to a few souls in the station. Mainly the newer ones who had made the place their temporary home. Autiomaa sat at the edge of the entrance, staring out into the rain in awe. They barely saw it before. They knew it wasn't supposed to happen right now but they couldn't find themselves to be worried about it, at least yet. Hydartic watched from the sidelines, a screen placed into the wall near the entrance. He knew the cause, all too well. The question was why? No one should be out on boats this time of year…

Hydartic never could shake the serpent deity out of his mind. The Moonjumper loved them. And even if none of his pieces got those exact feelings, Hydartic still felt the strong connection to the separate. Even if they could never speak. All of Hydartic's magic had to be channeled into making sure he was safe, that he could get in and out of objects if need be. He knew the spell to allow the serpent their humanoid form but he also knew he was unable to cast it himself. He tried his best to understand them but it was hard…

He still remembered when he first came to be. In a storm, one of Anamund's if he remembered correctly. The serpent seemed to recognize what Hydartic was even before he did. The serpent always seemed a bit annoyed by him but always allowed him space. They even stole a TV and brought it to their cave just so they didn't have to channel their storm magic just for a conversation. Anamund still needed to use some of it for the TV to work since the cave had no magic but details.

He wished it was possible to do something more for the serpent. The deity of weather. Protector of the Eversteads. They never were allowed a break, it seemed. Sure they could physically rest but they never got to do anything fun. Their body being a long snake-like one like any other serpent. Nothing to use to grab things besides their mouth… And he doubted just resting was good for Anamund. He swore though the last few-hundred years the serpent did little more than sleep.. it worried him.

"It's oddly pretty." Autiomaa's voice brought the electrical being out of his thoughts, making him look as far outside as he could from the current angel. He gave a small nod. The rain coming in conant with the snow on the ground did make some pretty shapes at least… They both paused as they heard footsteps, both glancing behind them to see the small group passing by. "Oh, good morning." Autiomaa called, burying themselves into their cloak more as the group looked over. "Lovely morning?"

"Is it, rainin'?" Macbeth asked as he walked over to get a better look. "I thought we were just hearin' things."

"Are we sure it's not freezing rain?" Randy asked as he floated over. "That's a thing after all, right?" He reached out the entrance slightly, letting come drops fall onto his hand. He paused and he looked at it. The rain was cold, yes, but only slightly colder than rain should be. Not the type of rain you would expect from a winter storm. It smelt faintly of seawater as well. "Well that's odd." He looked at Autiomaa and Hydartic. "Is this type of rain normal here on this planet?"

"It's Anamund." Hydartic stated, glancing to the side. "They’re a deity who lives in the ocean where you would normally fish, they can control the weather." Jaques paused as he heard that explanation. Ever since the Moonjumper pieces showed up, he tried to place where he had heard Hydartic's voice before. And now he remembered. That was almost half a year ago now, wasn't it. "My question is why. They don't do this randomly, they only ever do it if something is a threat to the Eversteads?"

"Eversteads?" Randy asked, tilting his head as he focused his attention on Hydartic. "What are those?"

"I've read a bit about them, I faintly have some memories as well." Autiomaa said as they looked at him, summoning a book to their side and having it open, showing it to the group. "They are biologically similar to fish but have the physical appearance more in line with a horse. They live for so long it's said they have the secret to immortality." Randy hummed in instreat as he saw this.

"I've seen one before." Jaques said, Randy looking over a bit surprised by the suddenness of the claim, Autiomaa tilting their head a bit. "Me and the others got stuck in a cave for a night of a storm and I came across them. Got to see Anamund, as well as.." He glanced over at Hydartic, who seemed to give an awkward smile. The man rolled his eyes slightly. "Anamund had apparently made the storm because they thought we were going to harm the Everesteads, we didn't even know they were there."

"And stuff like this is why you don't trust the water." Macbeth said, rolling his eyes a bit as he leant against the wall, adjusting his hat. "You never know what's down there until yo' too deep, and no one can save you."

"Ok, we get it." Hydartic rolled his eyes slightly before looking at Jaques. "Hey, do you think the cave is still visible?" Hydartic asked, getting a nod. Jaques didn't know why it wouldn't be. Was there supposed to be some sort of spell protecting it? "Maybe we should go for a wellness check, it's just…" Hydartic glanced over at Randy. "They were close to the original Moonjumper… I don't know how they'll react if they see you. They already know you aren't him, but seeing someone use his appearance."

"It'd be a lot." Randy sighed as he thought about it, looking at the storm above. The clan was supposed to get more work repairing the outer layers of the ship today. They only needed a few more and they would be able to get home. Sure he could order the Overseers to do more work until the storm faded, but who knows when it would fade if it was one caused by magic. "I'll just have to keep my distance. I'm hopeful they'll understand.. It's not like I wanted to use this body anyway."

Jaques nodded a bit. "As long as Hydartic's around, I think you'll be fine." He said as he adjusted his hat, before looking at Macbeth. "I'll keep an eye on him for you."

Macbeth sighed. "Thanks. Just make sure nothin' bad happens… I need to go lay down anyway. Snatcher is annoying.." Macbeth rolled his eyes faintly at the faint chuckles he got as he headed back down the hall. Randy gave a simple wave before sighing. He really should figure out a spell to help out Java with Snatcher's voice constantly in his head. It seemed like an annoyance above any other… he shook his head, he needed to focus on what was going on. He turned to head out.

"Uh, Hydartic can't just follow normally right? It's not thundering." Autiomaa quietly pointed out as they gestured to the storm above. Jaques responded by pulling out his phone, offering it to the electrical spirit who zapped himself into it. "Oh. Right." Autiomaa stated as they watched the group gather and get ready to leave, Randy grabbing one of the lost coats placed by the exit. "I'm going to stay behind. I don't know how likely I am to get badly wet, and sand and water don't mix well."

"Alright." Randy said as he looked over at Autiomaa. "Do me a favor and if anyone ask where we are, tell them we'll be back before dark." The being of Sand nodded before laying down and having the book open in front of them. Randy glanced at Hydartic on Jaques's phone. "Anything I should know before we get there?"

"Well, you might wanna figure out the human spell for them. I can teach it to you!"

Randy blinked. "The what spell-" He sighed slightly, shaking his head. "You couldn't have told me before we started leaving? Now I'm gonna stress about messing things up."

Hydaritc gave a shrug as thunder crashed about their heads as they began to head to the sea. Randy looked up, spotting no lighting, not even a hint of it. It was so odd. He didn't know how this whole thing would go, but he was hoping the serpent was open to questions.

Things were a bit worse at the sea once they had gotten to the edge of the land. It wasn't as bad as that day they were caught out there while fishing, at least according to Jaqeus's recollection, but it was still a storm they had to be careful with. Randy could at least help make sure the boat stayed steady with some of his magic, and they were still able to locate the cave among the dark even if it took a little bit due to the dark. It took them half an hour just to find and get over to it.

Things were calmer once they had gotten inside the cave, with Jaques turning on his flashlight to lead the way inside. He faintly recalled the path he had used to get out after he had gotten lost the last time he was there. Randy was quiet as he floated behind, testing his magic with one hand while feeling the strange moss along the cave's walls with the other. He could feel patches where it faded a bit, feeling like bites out of a sandwich or piece of cake. He didn't know why that was the first thing his mind went too.

Eventually they had came across the cavern with the lake. Even in the dark they could make out the faint, spiky silhouette of the serpent in the dark. Jaques held his phone out, screen facing the red beast.

"Hello, Anamund. I hope you don't mind, I brought some guests." Hydartic called, a faint bit of hesitation in his voice. The serpent's golden eyes shot open, turning to the group. Their eyes locked onto Randy. In an instant pain, anger and hatred filled those eyes, the gems along their lower body beginning to glow faintly as they let out a growl that shook the room. "Hey, easy! You know he didn't have a say!" Hydartic called. The serpent glared down at him, and Hydartic whispered "Now."

"Don't fail." Randy bit his tongue as he shot the magic Hydartic told him about the creature. The creature got knocked back a bit from the force of the spell, crashing into the water as a light came from their body. Randy panicked and quickly summoned some of his strings, tossing them into the water as the light from below shrunk and then faded. He felt a tug and began to pull them back up. "I'm sorry, really! I didn't mean to use that much force!" He said as he got the creature closer to the surface, racing over and offering his hand to them.

Only to have to smacked away, blood being drawn slightly from the tips of the claws. "I don't need it." The now-human hissed as they pulled themselves from the water. Randy glanced at them over. Their outfit was more… Fancy then he had expected based on how they were acting. Shades of brown and red with a yellow gem like the ones that dotted them. Their hair tied into what looked to be a ponytail or sorts, only with what he could assume to be their tail shape. "God, it's been so long."

"Hey, it's better than never right?" Hydartic asked as Jaques slowly brought him over, keeping a faint eye of caution as he looked at the serpent. The figure just seemed to just stare at the small electrical screen, annoyed. They looked to the side as they rubbed their hands, their feet still dangling in the water as they kicked them back and forth. Testing them. "We were just wondering about the storm you were making and wanted to come check on you. And since we have Randy now-"

"I miss him ok?" Anamund cut him off, glaring at Hydartic. "I knew the one who stole his body had come, how can I not be upset about it?! Forgive me if my magic acts on its own."

"I'm sorry for your lost, I really am." Randy said as he sat down after floating a bit back, letting Anamund have some room to breathe and think. Hydartic took the chance to zap into the Tv which had been moved closer to where they were talking. Anamund refused to look at Randy, instead staring into the water below. They seemed to have so many thoughts going through their head. "I know what it's like for your whole world to change, to lose someone you care about more than anyone else…"

"…He knew…" Anamund glanced up at the cave's ceiling, questioning in their eyes. "He had visions of his death. He knew it was going to happen. He could have stopped it. So why…" Anamund hissed as a tear fell from their eye, wiping at it with their fist. They forgot tears could sting. They couldn't cry in the form they spent the past thousands of years in. They had so many in them. "Why didn't he try to fight? Why didn't he try to save himself? Save himself for me?! He knew that I.."

"Loved him?" Jaques held up his hands when he got daggers in response. "Hey, I was just answering!"

"Just because you aren't here to hurt anyone doesn't mean I have to like you." Anamund said, before going to stand up They were a little shaky, but manuged to at least stand. One of the Eversteads that had been resting nearby stood up and came over, letting them use it as a support. "Thank you." They whispered to the creature, before looking to the side as they thought. "I just wanna know what he did wrong. He was the best thing to ever happen to subcon. Why did the world decide he deserved such a fate?"

"I still don't know myself." Hydartic said as he rested his head in his hand, watching from the distance. Throughout the years he had been alive he had seen many things happen, even if he wasn't fully aware for most of it. The world just seemed to throw so much on those who least deserve it just to watch them suffer. It wasn't fair. He couldn't blame the serpent for not understanding. "Someone just wanted his power so bad they were willing to make things worse for everyone just to try and take them."

"And didn't even manage to, if what I overheard is correct." Jaques said, shaking his head a bit as he growled. "At least when I was doing selfish things with magic, only I suffered… directly."

"The clan did make a monster in a panic after your disappearance.." Randy stated, Anamund tilting their head slightly before shaking it and glancing at the ground. Randy decided to come a bit closer. He thought about laying a comforting hand on the transformed deity's shoulder but didn't. He didn't know how they might react to that. He took a breath and sat down again. "Can you tell us a bit about you and Moonjumper?" He asked. "You can be as upset as you want. I doubt you had time to deal with your grief."

Anamund glanced to the side. "Does anyone ever just, deal with their grief?" They asked as he looked back at Randy, who shrugged a little. A bit always lingered, sure. But you gotta try and move on, even if just a little bit. Just because time passed didn't mean you had moved on. Anamund looked back up at the ceiling, a few stray tears still running down their face. "He wasn't as serious, at least when not on business." They claimed. "Most didn't get to see that side of him, especially as he grew."

"This is gonna be awkward to hear, isn't it?" Hydartic said, sighing a bit as Anamund looked over. "Oh, please, continue. I'll just cringe in silence if need be." He shifted the errors of the screen behind him into a chair, falling onto it. "Is this going to be second hand embarrassment?"

"I still don't know the word." Jaques said as he sat down near the group, pausing as one of the Eversteads came up near him, sitting down besides him. "Uh.. Hello?" he said, gently reaching for it and petting its head. It leaned on him a bit. "Ok, I am going to assume this is just a horse thing." Randy gave a small chuckle as he watched, Jaques glancing over. "I'm not an animal person, Radman, I don't know what to do here." He whispered, Anamund rolling their eyes at his words.

"They'll only hurt you if you're scared of them." They claim, a small smile forming on their face then. You could still see their fangs slightly as they shifted the smirk into a false smile. Randy placed a hand on their shoulder, and they turned to look at him, giving him a little glare. "What? Am I not allowed to have fun?" They sighed. "But yea. I'll go ahead and get started then.."

Anamund was resting in the lower caverns of the cave, watching as the Eversteads raced around and played with one another. Mothers showing their fawns around, some getting their hooves or heads stuck leading to Anamund having to float over and gently pull them free using their tail. It was peaceful. It had been some years since the last group of fools tried to find the Eversteads. It allowed them some peace of mind, even if it led to them questioning some things they couldn't put their snout on…

Suddenly they sensed it. Somehow, someone had gotten into the cave. They glanced up to where the surface of the lake was and began to swim up, quietly. They needed to get the jump on them before they got the jump on the surface. How did they get in? The cave's entrance was cloaked in a spell. Most people shouldn't even know it existed. They took a breath as they approached it, slowly raising themselves above the water, locking eyes with the intruder, who had a strange ball in their hands.

Something was wrong… They didn't look human. Their skin was blue and their head was shaped like a crescent moon. In some odd way it, felt like Anamund had seen them before.

"Why are some of these spell descriptions so confusing?" The being said as he lead closer to the book, the ball of magic getting brighter. Anamund shook their head before slowly approaching the intruder. They needed to focus. They had a job to do. They began to open their mouth to bite at the moon creature, who seemed to pause just then and glance behind to see them. "Wait, I'm not-" Annumad went to bite, and in a panic, the creature shot the magic ball at them, the light covering the serpent as they were knocked back in the water.

Everything became numb for a moment as they tried to wriggle themselves out to get back to fighting. By the time the light and the numbness faded however, something felt wrong, very wrong. They felt smaller, their body felt bent and molded in ways that felt familiar but they couldn't place. They turned their head to the surface, shooting off and spitting out some water. "What-" They thought, before they paused. It didn't come out as a growl. It came out as… words? "What is.." They glanced down at themselves, and paused.

"So.. that's what that spell does.." They heard the Moonfigure say, although they could barely process that. Their body had been replaced with a humanoid one. Arms and legs, even blinking as enough to feel that the shape of their head was different. The red of their body had been relocated to their clothing and what they could make of their hair? Their actual skin was a warm, dark shade now. "Here. let me help." Strings wrapped around their new arm and gently pulled them to the edge of the cave.

"What did you do to me?!" Anamund said as they got out of the water, trying to stand to be eye level. They almost fell, the Moon being reaching over and catching them before they could. They growled and tried to shake away, but it did nothing as the Moon's hand was still locked around their arm. They growled as they looked at it, trying to pull away in an attempt to free themselves. "Don't think just because you threw me off guard that you win, intruder. I will not let you harm the Eversteads, it is my duty!"

"I mean no harm, great Anamund." The being said. Anamund paused. His tone sounded genuine. "I am Moonjumper of subcon forest, near here. I came before, I was trying to increase my talents and magics, and thought coming to a place surrounded in it might help. But I should have tried to given you at least a warning." He said as he glanced to the ground, Anamund pausing as they finally took note of the being's lack of legs. "Apologies, I can leave if you wish so you may return to your duties."

"Well, you have to turn me back first." Anamund said as they roughly gestured to themselves. Moonjumper nodded as if he had somehow forgotten. Anamund got onto their knees, shivering a bit at the weird feeling as they glanced at their reflection, feeling one of the scar-like markings that now dotted their face, before turning to the clothing they were wearing. "Why did you put me in something so.. fancy?" Moonjumper let out a chuckle. "What, its a genuine question! This style isn't like me at all. I look like a prince you might see in a palace!"

"I mean, you are the ruler of the Eversteads in all technical sense. And I personally think you look good in it." Moonjumper chuckled as he looked at the spell again. Anamund growled, but paused as they slowly moved their hands to their cheek. What was this warmth they could feel coming from it. Why did it feel so oddly familiar, why did all of this feel that way? "It's just odd. The spell I used doesn't say anything about transformations. It's more of a state change between cursed and non-cursed, it should have had no effect."

"Are you trying to imply I'm cursed?" Anamund asked with a glare, Moonjumper shaking his head. Anamund paused and garbed the side of their head. Why for a moment could they have sworn they remembered a fight. Their storms against someone's much stronger… It didn't make any sense. They slowly got up, crawling over as their limbs bent in the weird ways they weren't used too. "Does it say it will inflict a curse if none is made? Or did it mistake me for having been cursed when not."

"I can only assume it was the latter." Moonjumper said. "It says the spell eventually wears off on its own."

"So I'm stuck like this?" Anamund asked, growling as they reached for the book to try and get a better look. What if someone came before it wore off?!

"I can cast it again and it should turn you back now. I just don't know if it will be a case of being temporarily transformed back or not, you know?" Moonjumper asked with a shrug, giving a small smile. The smile. God it made Anamund mad but also feel.. odd inside. Their heart was beating in a strange way they weren't used to. What were they supposed to do? They got near the water as Moonjumper looked at them. "You can find me in Subcon if you need more. I live with the town florist."

"Ok, yea just cast the studip-" Anamund started, but their voice was taken from them as the magic made contact with them, transforming them back into their original form. Anamund looked at Moonjumper and gave a quiet 'warning' growl for him to leave. They didn't want to be dealing with any more situations his magic could put them in. Moonjumper nodded and began to pack up his stuff, Anamund nodding. 'Good' they thought. 'Get out of here before your missing a limb.' They would have said.

Moonjumper began to head for the exit but paused for a moment, and turned back. "There's a meteor shower happening soon, you should come and see." He smiled. "There's a great view by the edge of the forest every year, I can find us a spot." He said, before floating out of the cave via the tunnel. Leaving Anamund alone.

Anamund was confused. Why did the Moonjumper offer that to them? For one, if they really wanted to see, they would just go to the surface and watch from there. And Anamund had done nothing but threaten and insult him. So why was he being so friendly? Did he view this all as one big joke? It annoyed Anamund. They wanted to know… Was it because they felt.. similar? Anamund didn't want to admit it to themselves but throughout the talk they could tell something was similar between the two…

It was like they had met before in other lifetimes and were now meeting again. They shook their head and headed back under the water to try and clear it all from their minds but found that nearly impossible. And now they didn't even have their voice to try and drown out their internal thoughts… They got to pick their first words and picked the word 'what'. They didn't know how to feel about that.

Anamund just tried to focus on the Eversteads again, on their duty. But for some reason they couldn't get the Moon's smile out of their mind…

A few days had passed, but Anamund's mind didn't return to usual. No matter what they tried, what happened around them, they couldn't take the Moonjumper from their mind. They wanted to just get on with their days, why was their brain forcing them to waste mental space on that stupid, pretty Moonjumper. He seemed so kind but it could have been a trap! Yet he hadn't come back to try anything again, just like he said he couldn't… They felt odd. They should have been happy and yet…

Anamund poked their head out of the water, just enough for their eyes to be free. It was night now. Anamund had started coming up every night to see if the shower Moonjumper told them about would happen. They didn't know why they did this, it's not like they cared. And yet here they were. It was odd. Almost too odd. The sky was pretty tonight at least, yet no falling stars in the night. They let out a low groan, they didn't have time to waste on this. They should get back down and-

Their thoughts were cut off when they noticed the figure sitting by a tree on the land side. Moonjumper put down the book he was reading before waving, and gesturing them to come over.

"I'm glad you came! Mind if I?" Moonjumper made a small ball of magic in his hands. Anamund paused. Their first instinct was that they should snap at him for even suggesting doing that again. But on the other, they did want to experiment a bit more, feel more of what it was like to have a humanoid body. Reluctantly, they nodded, and Moonjumper shot the spell at them. It was gentler, this time. Didn't even feel like it made contact as they transformed. "I just think this will be more comfortable."

"At least it draws less attention." Anamund said as they climbed onto the land, Moonjumper help leading them to a tree near where they were resting. Anamund paused as they felt the grass below their hand, and felt the tree. It all felt so odd. Especially without the water they were used to surrounding them every moment… They looked over at the Moonjumper, tilting their head a bit. "So, where did you come from?" They asked, crossing their arms as they rose a brow. "I haven't seen moon people before."

"Oh, I.. Don't quite know?" Moonjumper admitted as he glanced over at them from his book, before gesturing to the forest behind them then to the Moon to the sky. "I just remember waking up in Subcon a few years ago, and being found."

"Huh.." Anamund didn't comment more, at least not right away. Mostly because they felt their situation was similar. They just woke up in the cave where they and the Eversteads rested, and just knew their purpose. And that was to protect them. No memory of their past, or anything. Just… blurs of something before that they were unable to piece together. They thought they were the only one. "So I take it your the only one of your kind?" They got a nod in response. "Huh, odd."

"Well, you're the only serpent of your type I know." Moonjumper said, looking up into the sky a bit. Anamund hummed as they glanced up. They don't think they ever saw the sky this clearly. Most of the time they looked at it from under the blanket of water. And even when they poke their head above, they never had the time to take in all the details. All the tiny stars in the sky. "Then again, I suppose you are also the only serpent I know. So who am I to judge?" Moonjumper chuckled.

"Well. I don't know anyone like me either." Anamund hummed as they shrugged their shoulders, almost hitting their own head by mistake. "I always just assumed I was some blessed Eversted or something.."

"Do you have any memory of being an Everstead?" Moonjumper asked as he looked over, tilting his head. Anamund shook their own. They always just assumed those memories faded when they took this from. They didn't even consider themselves above the Eversteads in terms of intelligence until now. Having their own voice. It made them realize there were more thoughts going through their head, not just instinct. "It's so weird… Why don't either of us remember our past? There had to be something before this."

"Maybe we're just part of a story and we didn't exist until the author needed us too?" Anamund started with an eye roll, Moonjumper chuckling a bit as they glanced over. "Hey, it's a real possibility." They started growling a tiny bit. Moonjumper gave a shrug, like he wasn't agreeing with them but that he wasn't going to fight them on it. Anamund paused as they went to stand up. "Come on, tell me I'm wrong to my face-" They almost slip. "Gah, I should really learn how to use these things."

"If it's any consolation, I think I would be struggling just as much" Moonjumper said as he pointed down to his lack of legs. "With the legs, at least… I always found that odd about me."

"I didn't even realize how odd it looks." Anamund stated with a slight smirk. At least they had a full proper body, and it looked natural whenever they swam in the deep blue. Anamund poked at the gem on their outfit slightly. If they took it off and turned back without it, would they start bleeding… They decided not to risk it, but it was going to bug them all night now. "Like, you think there would be at least a hint of a tail or something floating. All ghost like things have that, right?"

"Well, I couldn't consider myself a ghost considering I'm very well alive." Moonjumper chuckled. Anamund nodded a bit. They suppose they were true. They don't think they had ever seen anyone more lively before… although, granted, most of the time when they do meet new people, they end up dragging them below the deep blue so they can never harm anyone again. Moonjumper glanced up, his eyes sparkling. "I think it's starting Anamund." He said as he pointed to the sky. "Look, see!"

"I'm looking." Anamund said as they turned their head to the sky, pausing as they saw the lights dashed across the sky. Some big, some small. Mostly white sparling trails behind them. Occasionally reddish or purplish ones would appear. "Oh.. It's… pretty."

Moonjumper nodded. "These don't happen too often. Especially with the special traits. Some say they only happen when the gods above us have a celebration of sorts." Moonjumper climbed. Anamund hummed at Moonjumper's phrasing. They did always felt they were a deity of sorts. With their ability to control the weather, mainly in the department of violent storms. "I swear if I close my eyes enough, I can picture what they must be doing if that is true. Many folklore talks of the celebrations."

"What, are these the remains of a competition?" Anamund asked. "One about breaking something so bad it gets sent far away from where they started?" Moonjumper gave them a faint look of annoyance at that… were they closer now?… Anamund looked around. When had they moved? Moonjumper was still in his thoughts, and Anamund would have noticed if Moonjumper had moved them with magic. "Hey, I'm just throwing guesses out there based on what you're saying. You can't fault me for that, can you?"

"No." Moonjumper said, shaking his head a bit. "I suppose I can not… You're a bit of a brute, you know that?"

Anamund rolled their eyes. "You know the legends about me. Not bad for only being around for a few years."

Moonjumper nodded in acknowledgement as both turned their heads back up to the sky… Anamund's vision tilted to the side, until their head made contact with Moonjumper's shoulder.

That weird feeling in their cheeks came back as they tried to pull away. But they didn't want Moonjumper to notice… it also felt nice.

Time became a blur for the serpent in an odd way. Despite how they started out when they first met the Moon creature, they found themselves softening up to him. They were still cruel and quick to attack when needed but, around him, they felt different… Even as the Moonjumper became a legend and they both entered their adulthoods, they still saw each other when they could, even if said visits became less and less frequent. It was something Anamund always looked forward to whether they admitted it or not.

They had many misadventures throughout the years. Anamund didn't really have any interest or hobbies due to being a serpent most of the time, so they would often sit and listen to Moonjumper go on about whatever interesting topic he had recently discovered. It was around them that Moonjumper's more playful and excitable side showed. He had started to push it back as he became the face of subcon, like it's god. He needed to be reasonable and sound in any situation. He didn't have the freedom like Anamund did with emotions.

It got to the point where Anamund could easily sense when the Moonjumper entered the cave, and would wait by the edge for Moonjumper to cast the spell so they could speak.

"You look tired." Anamund said once the magic had faded, sitting along the edge of the cave. Moonjumper nodded a bit as he sat beside them. By now the Eversteads were so used to the Moonjumper's presence that they often came around if they noticed the being was there. Moonjumper smiled as one laid down beside him, petting it a bit. Anamund took his hand for a moment. "They aren't overworking you, are they?" They asked, concerned. Moonjumper shook his head with a smile. "No, really."

"They aren't. It's just a lot of things have been happening and I’ve taken it upon myself to help fix it." Moonjumper said, Anamund sighing as they nodded. That still wasn't much better. They couldn't help but feel bad. Moonjumper was gifted with so many talents, but that left him feeling like he had to do more to help his kingdom than needed. Moonjumper suddenly gave a giggle. "Remember when we both tried to race on their backs." Moonjumper asked, gesturing to the Eversteads.

"Like I could forget my victory." Anamund said, placing a hand to their chest. They raised it too high and hit themself, letting out a hiss. "You think I would have gotten full control over these by now."

"Everyone hits themself once or twice." Moonjumper said as he chuckled, singing as he glanced up, looking back at the memoires. Anamund nodded. Telling the truth, Moonjumper would have won if his Everstead didn't get distracted by a fish. Sad, really. Moonjumper looked at the cave walls, making a ball of light and handing it over to Anamund, Anamund holding it close. "Remember when I accidentally hit you with an energy spell and we had to race it off in a game of tag in the dark."

"The fact neither of us broke our necks is still amazing looking back." Anamund said as they let the light float in their hands, poking it slightly so it began to move around. They hummed. They enjoyed everything Moonjumper made, no matter how small. It always seemed to have an extra bit of life to it. A warm feeling Anamund couldn't seem to get from anything else. "Remember that time I convinced you to prank some of the nobles of your kingdom? Or when we made red rain and had it poured."

"I still regret being tricked into thinking it would be pretty." Moonjumper shook his head a bit. "The poor children were scared for a week. I still think we should have told someone."

"And get in trouble for a simple joke gone a little wrong? It was bad enough to see that cute little face of yours worried.." Anamund felt the warm feeling they now knew was called 'blushing' again, looking away. They could feel Moonjumper looking at them, and they scoulded themselves internally for why they did that. They felt his hand on their shoulder, his gentle hand. "Ok, you don't need to make fun of me." They glared as they looked back at him. "Everyone has a slip of the tongue."

"You can be honest with yourself Anamund. We’ve gotten closer than friends." Moonjumper claimed. Anamund opened their mouth to disagree, but couldn't find their counter argument, because they had none. Anamund didn't know when it happened. They just, found themselves close to Moonjumper in a way they didn't want to be apart from again. It was so odd. They didn't know how to process it. "If it makes you feel better, I feel the same way." He took their hand. "It's clear we meant before, after all."

"Moonjumper, why must you always try to make things emotional?" Anamund said, trying to keep eye contact to not let their emotions show in them. "Can't we just stay this way?"

"Depends, how do you really see us?" Moonjumper asked. "I won't force you to do anything. I'm just curious." Anamund blush as Moonjumper gave a knowing smirk. Oh, he could be so evil. Anamund tried to think of something to say, something to do but… Eventually placed their other hand on Moonjumper's, bringing it to their chest so Moonjumper could feel the heartbeat. "I had a feeling." He said as he took his other hand and pushed some hair out of Anamund's eyes to get a better look at them.

"You're the only relationship I had like this, of course I was going to get feelings." Anamund said with a huff. Moonjumper pointed to his mouth, and Anamund blinked in confusion, before a blush formed on their face. Oh. They awkwardly leaned in, and Moonjumper placed a hand behind their hand, pulling them into the kiss. Anamund bit their own tongue and hissed, pulling away. "Gah, am I that bad at doing anything the first time!" They said, earning a chuckle from the moon deity.

"Hey, at least you allowed a first time." Moonjumper said. "We can try again in the future, if you want?" He asked.

Anamund paused for a moment, glancing to the side in thought before taking Moonjumper's hands again. "Now." They said as they tried to gently pull themselves over to Moonjumper. The Moon deity seemed a bit surprised but allowed it. They made contact again, Anamund making a note to roll their tongue to the back of their mouth so it could go more smoothly. And it felt… amazing. It was so odd but Anamund enjoyed it. They gave an awkward chuckle after they pulled away. "Why do creatures feel weird with this stuff?"

"Love just does that to people, I suppose." Moonjumper chuckled a bit, as Anamund glanced to the side. A small, guilty smile forming on their face.

"Love…" Anamund chuckled. It was a little funny, wasn't it. Even a beast like them could find such a strange thing… And since they and Moonjumper were deities, they didn't need to fear time taking them. They could be killed, but who would be mad enough to kill a deity and able to succeed in doing so? They had all of time to be together! They leaned against Moonjumper a bit, sighing. "Maybe one day you can have Subcon's people move closer to the shore. Our realms can overlap so we don't have to be apart."

"You really are a sweetheart around me now? Where's my tough guy?" Moonjumper asked with a small chuckle, Anamund pointing to themself with a nod. Moonjumper lead closer to Anamund, taking their hand. It felt so odd how whole he felt with them. They truly seemed made for each other… perhaps they were. With no memory of their past, anything is possible. "Would you like to go out?"

Anamund nodded a bit, standing up as backing away to go find something to dry their clothing off. Moonjumper chuckled as he wiped away some of the wet spots on his outfit. Moon and Sea. Two things far apart yet tied together as one… It was perfect.

The group was quiet as Anamund told their stories from the best of their memories, taking breaks now and again to let the tears they had trapped inside of them out. It became clear how much the two meant to each other… And it only broke their hearts more when Anamund recounted the last time they saw Moonjumper. Aware of his fate yet choosing to go along with it. Taking away Amamund's whole world with him. They thought they would get to spend forever together, and now they were just alone…

Anamund fell silent upon finishing the final tale, only letting tears fall onto the floor as they wiped at their eyes. The group would glanced at each other, unsure really of what to say or do. They could hear the storm outside the cave grow quieter, so it seemed having Anamund talk about all this help for the reason they came here. But now it felt wrong to just… leave. Randy was tearing up by the end of the story. He couldn't imagine the heartbreak of when it actually happened.

Hydartic let out a sigh from the screen, placing his hand against it as he looked at the serpent. He felt care for the being… But could never replace the feelings Moonjumper had. None of the pieces could.

"It's not fair.." Anamund finally said, laying down on the ground. By now their eyes looked drained, barely a spark of life in them, red from the amount of crying. Randy floated next to them, and they glared up at him. They still looked upset but couldn't muster the energy to get mad or act on it. They sighed as they rolled over to the side, looking down at themselves. "If I had just killed that man when he entered, Moonjumper would still be here. But no, he had to be perfectly prepared."

"There wasn't anything you could have done by the sounds of it." Jaqeus claimed. "I know from experience, if people want something, they'll do anything to get it. I doubt things would have changed even if you were ready the second he stepped into the cave." Anamund shook their head ever so slightly as the toppat sighed, bending down on his knees to look at them. "You don't have to believe me. But this isn't healthy for you. If Moonjumper were still here, he'd want you to avoid blaming yourself."

"You think I'm dumb enough to not know that?" Anamund asked with a faint glare. "It's easier said than it is to put into practice." Jaques signed and nodded a bit. Like it or not, it was the truth. Anamund slowly began to pick themselves off the ground as they looked at the group. An Everstead missing a ear came over and laid beside them, resting a head in their lap. They sighed and pet it. "I just wish I could see him again.." They turned to Randy again. "Not like that. I know it wasn't your choice but it still hurts to see."

"I can't blame you." Randy said as he glanced to the side. His hands were behind his back, one formed into a fist. Why was this soul forced to mourn alone, without even a voice or a chance for a break? At least when Java was mourning, he chose to lock himself away for years. It wasn't the healthiest thing for the man, but at least it was his choice, Anamund had none. "Is there anything we can do to try and help you?" He asked as he looked back at the serpent.

Anamund thought for a moment, before signing. "I doubt it, honestly… although.. I suppose it was nice in some, twisted way to finally get my thoughts out." They stated as they let a finger crash with the water below them, watching the ripples as they tried to think. Watched as the ripples formed, and faded. It left them feeling a hint of pain. A question of why. "I just wish I could have at least told him I loved him again… I was so panicked in the moment I forgot to say…"

"He knew you would've." Hydartic spoke up, nodding his head as Anamund looked over. "He kept you in his final thoughts. He would have stayed with you if he could have…" He gave a sad chuckle as he seemed to glitch for a moment. "At least I'm here to do that for him." He shook his head a bit, going to the corner of the TV screen and sitting down, looking at the ground. "It's just unfair, what happened but… At least it should be over soon… Unless something happens.." He quickly shook his head. "No, don't jinx Hydartic!"

Anamund chuckled. "Moonjumper had a bad habit of jinxing us whenever we tried to do something stupid." They said, shaking their heads a bit. There were still tears falling from their eyes but a smile was on their face… the sound of rain they could hear echoing through the cave slowed to a stop, the serpent letting out a sigh as they looked back at the two toppats. "Make sure you enjoy the time you got with those close to you."

The toppats both glanced at each other faintly before giving a nod. It was something they had learned well by now, sure. But it always helped to be reminded of it.

Randy sighed as he glanced at the exit tunnel of the cave. "We should be heading out, before they get worried…" He looked at Anamund, getting ready to cast the spell again.

"Wait." Anamund said, raising their hand, making Randy pull back as the spell faded from their hand. Anamund wiped at their eyes a bit as they looked down at the ground. "It will fade eventually. No one has tried to attack the Eversteads in centuries. From what I've been told, people don't even know they exist… I want to let myself feel like this a little longer…"

Randy looked down at them, and gave a sad smile as he nodded. "Of course… I'm still sorry this happened.."

Anamund glanced to the side as the others gathered up to leave. They slowly moved over to the corner of the cave, blue and red gems hidden faintly under some of the moss, glowing. They traced their faint shapes carved into the gem, and sighed.

Maybe they'd get to see their love again one day, in the far future…

Maybe…

[n3ongold3n]

God. My heart.

You know what. Reblogging again with my own tags because.

I'm crying big fat grown-up tears about this. After everything. At the bottom line of it all. He is love.

(Thank you @richletozier for the scans!)

[mitamicah]

I am in a bit of a paradox right now where I want to talk about something that worries me especially because it has reached the point where I find myself in a freeze like state (you know like fight-flight-freeze-fawn?). My mind is racing and alert but my body is paralyzed ...

And yet at the same time I don't want to talk about it because it is so trivial and stupid and silly and unimportant compared to everything else that is going on.

The short version is that I have to let my internship know that I have been given permission to take a break December 2-4 and again December 16-18. Since there's less than two weeks until the first of these dates I am freaking out because they should need to know sooner rather than later but also I have rescheduled twice already - this week and the next - because of two doctors appointments so part of me want to at least have one of the doctor's appointments to be over with before I throw them another bomb like 'hey your intern is asking for way more than they are worth again by taking a break in one of the busiest months of the year' especially since I just learned today that we have two weeks of break during christmas already so I'd basically have one whole and two half weeks in the upcoming month (originally the plan was that my internship stopped in midnovember but then it got prolonged to late november and now january hence why I had to drop announcements like this in waves ... I had litterally planned as if I didn't have a job to then now deal with the consequences aka being put in a very bad spotlight and omg I have been ranting again I am so sorry making this all about me when you have it way worse.

I should just freaking do this thing but I am so scared of looking like a ungrateful brat that is immature and bad at planning for the future and the internship directly or indirectly rejecting me because of this.

Not helping the fact that I am struggling a bit with body image and negative self talk especially around keeping myself in line for the upcoming appointments about possible top surgery either in sweden or in denmark plus the appointment I have with a study about the physiological effect of hrt where I have my one year check in next week and I am not in a place where I like to be with my weight and that terrifies me because I keep imagining people commenting on my appearance or my weight with a tone that indicates that I'd failed and so it's game over for me and I am not being allowed hrt or surgery anymore and I know this is not how the world works but the thoughts keeps spinning and I am very much not having a great time rn, and I should because how fkn lucky and privilegded I am.

I have had Everybody's Waiting [Joker Out's angsty 'maybe I need therapy' song] on repeat in my mind and litterally for days and while typing this out I definitely feel like we were getting scaringly close to an Autiomaa Light.

Please tell me I am just an overdramatic teenager and tell me what to do. I need somebody to take control of my life just for one minute so I can make a decision then deal with the consequences tomorrow (also great, another day without me drawing anything - another part where I am feeling like a failure)

[bisnes-socks]

i love kot kot. i've always loved kot kot. and i'm gonna tell you why.

i think it's a beautiful song, i think it's a banger, i think it's a nostalgic sound, and i think it's an incredibly sad song.

musically, i think kot kot sounds like a summer night in finland. the contrast between the melodic, soaring chorus and the darker, harder verses sounds like walking back and forth between the bright light midnight and the dark clubs or bars or restaurants or something. going from the first verse into the chorus again feels like stepping out from a dark venue and it's 2 am but the light outside is the same as it was when you went in hours ago. it's actually super eerie the way time doesn't seem to move at all during the height of summer in finland. it's a sort of a liminal space that can feel either like never ending horror or an addictive state of true living, depening on how you deal with endless light. 

this is a summer song to me.

i love love love the free flying chorus.

i love love love the old school sound of the verses.

the chorus is beautiful with it's long soaring vowels and lines. the verses are mega bangers that remind of early 2000's music. the echoes of like old school drum and bass, breakbeat etc. are super nostalgic to me and have sent me down the rabbit hole of music from my childhood multiple times since the song came out. and i personally love the contrasts and different sections in the song. i think they go together well, i don't think they clash.

i think jurek and allu have composed a clever song. and honestly allu deserves more recognition across the board i am sorry i've been slipping in that department.

now. to the sad part.

i always felt like the chorus was sort of... wistful and melancholic. but the album puts all of that in a different context. he's not just mr. lonely. he's fucking terrified of being alone. 

"pelottaa, ettei jatkopläänit ehkä osukkaa, kuumottaa tosissaan, osote ois saatava, poket tos jo hoputta siis vastatkaa nyt saatana" meaning "i'm scared that after party plans will fall through, seriously getting jittery about it, i need an address, bouncers are on my case, somebody pick up the phone" like with the context of the full album now, it's really painting a picture of someone who does not want to go home and face being alone with his thoughts.

i remember when the song came out and people had all sorts of headcanons and ideas as to why the second time round the voice on the phone is in english - things like maybe he's making an international call or something. well, the truth is that in finland, that message is always played in three languages: finnish, swedish and english. so why is it in english the second time? honestly in all seriousness i think it's just a little nod to his international fans or something, like i don't think there is a real story reason for it. but if there was.. well, if anything, to me it suggests that he must have stayed on the phone, listening through the whole litany: valitsemaanne numeroon ei juuri nyt saada yhteyttä, kontakt med numret ni har valt fås ej, the number you have dialed cannot be reached. to get to the english part he has already been told twice in two languages that there is no one there, nobody is picking up, but he's still there.

honestly this song more than anything feels like the true pair of autiomaa, because to me, this song is someone trying to avoid feeling exactly the way autiomaa describes. feeling empty, feeling nothing, feeling alone. he says as much: "tää klubi on yht tyhjä ku sen katsoja" meaning this club is as empty as he who is looking at it. he's empty and finding other people to party and hang out with is the only way out of feeling empty, the only way to distract himself from the fact that he is lost.

and so for skit and autiomaa to come right after this? he has reached a breaking point and realised he has to face the nothingness inside.

and again, like with takavoltti, i think this song represents that long standing finnish tradition of writing funny lyrics about difficult subjects. it's also very very typical in finnish culture to make songs that seem to be about drinking on the surface level but are actually not about that. this song builds a lot of very comedic images: him vibing to celine dion alone in a club and refusing to leave, fighting with bouncers etc. and then of course there is the whole chicken thing with kot kot kot. it's funny - except it's not funny at all.

but the thing is, it's okay to find things funny in the song. they both are and are not funny at the same time, because isn't that what life is. i don't think the intention of these songs is to make you feel one specific way, it's just a matter of perspective. and that can change from day to day. so i think it's okay if one day the song breaks your heart on behalf of the käärijä in the story of the song, and on another day you just want to belt out the chorus and dance through the verses. it's all okay, it's all good.

and that's pretty skilled song writing.

[bisnes-socks]

i've read people's thoughts on the album as a whole and i've analysed most of the songs myself by now, so here's my thoughts on the whole people's champion album.

1. in ready to go, well he is just that, ready to go and try, even if he fails. he's not afraid and going forward and doing his thing is what he intends to do and what he loves to do. he has agency over his career and image, autonomy over himself.

my longer and more in depth song analysis posts are linked here in the text.

i personally don't think the album has a single narrative through it. the songs are thematically connected, but it's not one chronological and cohesive story to me. i've seen people speaking a lot on the theme of agency. i'd agree, that agency and autonomy are the major themes of the album, but i would specify that in my opinion, it's about finding and claiming agency. i think he has agency in almost every single song, but it's about him realising that he does have it, even when it feels like he doesn't, and him finding it and holding on to it.

2. in cha cha cha, he's talking about different sides of himself. in this song the two aren't necessarily living in perfect harmony, because one man needs piña coladas to coax him out, but both are.. intentional. and ultimately it's about finding the bravery to be who you are, which he is always advocating for and has really succeeded in, it seems.

3. in takavoltti, yes he is being sort of incited into crazy shit, but he absolutely recognises himself as a person who just.. gets into crazy shit easily. this side of him is also very present in mic mac. he's not bullied or abused into insane stunts and things, he recognises his own agency and both mental and physical autonomy in all of it by comparing himself to the dudesons etc. i think the song recognises the toxicity of the situation, but he's in control of it - as much as you are in control of your own personality and impulses.

4. ruoska is getting into the territory of maybe lacking some agency - life treats him harshly sometimes, and maybe he feels a bit powerless in front of all that. but then! he claims agency, by essentially going well yeah this hurts but hehe i'm into pain bitch. he literally says "baby hei mä oon valmis, anna tulla" meaning i'm ready, give it to me.

5. in kot kot i feel like he is at his most helpless. he's trying to control his situation by running away from things, trying to dance his worries away, but it's all crumbling down. in this one his agency in the situation is pretend.

7. in sex = money he is taking back like aaaalll of his agency and autonomy. his image, his work, his power, his role, his personality, his sexuality. autonomous agency anthem! he doesn't give a fuck! let's make sex moneyyy. BUT at the same time the song recognises the risks concerning agency and autonomy in the world of music, where selling sex is so prevalent. i think he is choosing to hold on to his.

6. in skit + autiomaa, he has lost agency and control over his life yes, but he is learning to find it again. he is listing things that he has done, to help himself feel better and to improve. it might not help (immediately anyway) but he's doing it. and he has thought about it, he has sought for help, he has sought for solutions, he has taken the steps. he is actively trying to help himself. i think that makes the song all the more emotional and sad, but it is not without hope, it's not without his own personal action for himself, and not without progress.

8. bananas is more about togetherness and collectivity i think. but i think it's also a song where he is truly enjoying himself. feeling himself, you know? if kot kot is a pretty sad song about partying, this one is pretty sexy. he's feeling like the hottest boy at the club, you know? truly into himself and into his crew and everything they get up to.

9. huhhahhei is about new connections. making the choice to be open and even vulnerable with new people. setting your own boundaries and giving yourself the permission to enjoy new people. self-confidence! 

10. in icip, he's not so much in control of things that happen to him, but he doesn't seem to be toooo bothered about it. which i find quite fitting. he sees things for what they are but he doesn't seem insecure or scared about any of it.

11. people's champion is a recap of him finding himself in a whole new situation and finding his footing in all of it - and recognising the help he has had along the way, while also being proud of everything he himself has achieved.

so overall, i think thematically this album is quite heavy, maybe dark even, but to me, it's not a sad album specifically. he comes across as someone incredibly tenacious. he's able to stay very strong, and he is able to recognise when things aren't going great. i think ultimately, the album is him going through life changing events, both good things and bad things, and coming out on the other side stronger and wiser than ever. it's an album of many emotions, but at the end of the day, he persists. and naming it people's champion, the single tear on the cover.. he's facing it all, taking it all head on, claiming his pride and moving forward. he's strong.

it's a powerful album.

[frikatilhi]

What if it's like... a bunch of his friends. Showing him how he doesn't have to walk in the desert alone. What then.

It felt delulu when bojan was here because we thought the vid was for s=m... but for Autiomaa it would actually fit

If bojan is making a cameo in that mv… guys it was nice knowing you all 🫡