#auphie how dare u sniff sniff sob sob ur angst question made me WRITE !!! AND I AM NOT GOOD AT WRITING !!!! //POS

[scarameownya]

so.... that ppgear post about niko growing old (immortal x mortal my beloved) how does wanderer cope? try to delay the inevitable, ignore it to the best of his ability, relish each moment w niko and trace every wrinkle that appears? please ;-; they won't leave my mind ;-;

oh no wanderer getting scared because history is about to repeat itself and he'll be left all alone nick + niko how you you do this to us all ;-; /lh

this question punch me in my gut and forced me to kneel, for i have to face my sin and see the truth (aka THIS MADE ME CRY FROM THINKING SOB //POS)

the moment he realized the inevitable, he tried to ignore it to the best of his ability, he tried to treat each day like normal, his hang outs with niko all the same and their dynamic never changed. at some point, wanderer thought, hah, why was he even worried in the first place ? he had went through it before, he's ready for it to hit...

but it's really is not that easy, the more days passed and the more he realized just how... visible the changes are, the dread settled down on his stomach, he's suddenly acutely aware of how many wrinkles are now on niko's hands-- they were visible on his eyes before but he, part denial maybe, also brushed it aside as him never getting enough sleep. but it's obvious... some people only believe what they can see, and right now for wanderer, all he can see is the actualization of how fast time had passed.

no matter how much he tried to delay the inevitable, telling niko to exercise more, eat more healthily, stop overworking himself, ect... at some point, people had even mistaken him as niko's grandson, something he had accidentally let his emotions taken over and yelled at them for... he knows he has no power to stop the progress.

the night that his fingers traced along one of the wrinkle lines on niko's hand, was when he started counting down the days.

the time niko passed away, he didn't cry, no tears, no reaction... just a blank face as he hold onto his hand. at this point, he thought he had did it, he was able to get over the loss of someone dearly closed to him with no problem, he thought he had finally managed to mastered his own emotions.

until he came back to their shared home, mekal behind the door, waiting for him to be alone so he can played niko's final audio messages to him.

when wanderer hear it, he couldn't help but laugh, the audio was full of mess ups, niko tripping and falling over, his words caught in his tongue and a small 'had to do this from the beginning... again' followed by a frustrated sigh and the whole message being read from the start again.

wanderer huffed, complaining about how the second time was barely audible without realizing the world around him had became deafening from how much tears that was falling from his eyes, how blurring everything had become even though the sun was still shining outside.

because the sun he was used to, the sun that he so desperately tried to deny he had loved the warmth of, had settled.

and he had to deal with the coldness of the night.

alone.

once again.