#augh i hate writing personal statement

[ryllen]

[kissesazula]

BACK TO THE OLD HOUSE

— g.satoru

| sum: satorus never liked being home. he hates the word home and everything to do with it. so what are the chances that he meets a soft, warm girl who feels like the home he’s dreamt of having.

an: hi guys! this is my first ever post! wooooo!!! any tips and recommendations on how to look more aesthetically pleasing and writing would help great! i think this is what people call a one shot?? idk :( enjoy<3

finding himself at the dawn of the day, sweeping tides brushing against his ears as he walked barefoot in the chilly water of the ocean, finding himself bored as he had escaped the estate.

they weren’t living his life, as a teenage he should be careless and free, right? wrong. his elders thought otherwise and forced him to train to be the next heir to the family name, having a huge name in japan and a reputation to behold. it didn’t help how he was an only child with no cousins so they couldn’t take the position of heir because they were nonexistent. oh how he prayed to anyone everyday that he wishes that he could escape this heinous family, wondering what horrible thing he did in his past life to get set up with a family this bad.

strolling down the beach in only a white tee and shorts, airpods plugged into his ears and blasting ‘heaven knows im miserable now’ by the smiths. sand getting in between his toes while the water tried cleaning it away, his pearly white hair drooping down his forehead as he looked down.

i would rather not go

he simply mumbled along with the song, looking up and seeing the sunrise, seeing how long he’s been out for, wondering if his ‘family’ were already out looking for him.

back to the old house

“augh!” he slightly jumped as his chest had bumped into someone’s head, feeling the cold contact of their hair brushing against his thin t-shirt. groaning in slight pain but more of annoyance as he looked down. “hey look where you’re-“ and meeting the set of 2 wide eyes starring back at him, scared.

“ oh my gosh— im so sorry!” the person underneath him panicked, immediately taking some steps back and bowing in front of him. a girl, young and frail, big deer eyes and plump lips, slight freckles, long hair with and oversized jacket, t-shirt and pj pants. “o-oh it’s fine! it was my fault anyways..”

he slowly turned shy as she raised herself from bowing before him. noticing the glasses on his face even though it was sunrise and the sun was barely out. “sunglasses? this early?” she questioned confused and innocently, tilting her head as he looked in between his eyes.

“fashion statement.” he cracked a joke, expecting a slight chuckle out of her, but instead he got a high pitched giggle, that eventually turned into a laughter burst. putting her hand on her stomach as she bent her back over in laughter. satoru was confused, was the joke that funny? no he was just a funny guy. “oh you’re so funny!” the girl slowed her laughter down, wiping the small tears that ran down her face.

“im (name)! nice to meet you!” she smiled softly as she extended a hand out for a shake. satoru chuckling at her bubbly personality as he took her hand and bent down, bringing her hand to his pink cold lips as he planted soft kisses on her hand. “satoru. glad to meet you.” now satoru was certain that she would start blushing into a total mess, but instead she giggled at him and questioned his gesture. "youre so old!" she laughed as she put her hand back to her side.

satoru looked at her in disbelief, like he was actually insulted. “what?! im only 17!” he pouted, lips turning into a frown as he crossed his arms and looked to the side, seeing that the sun was almost fully up. hearing her coo from right beside him. “17?! no way! you look at least 22! im 17 too” she said surprised as she covered her mouth with her hands. satorus neck quickly turning to her at her comment, with a stunned expression, did she just call him old?

there’s too many memories

he looks offended by her comment, scoffing as he rolls his eyes playfully under his sunglasses. “thanks sweet heart but im not. got a mouth on ya.” chuckling, her pupil only grow larger with every word that comes out of his mouth, mesmerized by his face, laughter, personality, smile— just everything in general had her on a tight rope.

“well, what are you doing out so early?” he ponders, even though it’s none of his business nor that he should care, but he does, he does care because there’s something about her that’s just so… warm.

“shouldn’t i be asking you that as well?” she giggles, bringing her hand to cover her smile. “im joking, i just needed time away from my boyfriend….. a lot of time. being a real-“ stopping her sentence midway as she looks around her, scouting her surroundings. “asshole..” she mumbles the last part out, afraid that her boyfriend would be nearby looking for her. satoru can’t help but laugh. painfully laughing and happily laughing, she has a boyfriend and she was funny.

“needed my personal time.” he looks to the ocean, seeing the full risen sun as she panics in place. “o-oh! im so sorry for disturbing you then! i-ill get going..!” she quickly spits out, words confusing satoru, she wasn’t being a bother? he knew he couldn’t stop her, her boyfriend was probably looking for her by now, but he wanted her so bad, to be friends with.

“wait! could i get your number? n-no not like that! to be friends.” embarrassed by the thought, he clarifies himself before anything else could be said. she smiles briefly before pulling her phone out and handing it to satoru, who gladly puts email, phone number, birthday, and a contact photo and name. handing back the phone to her, watching her lips curl into a cute

and you never knew

“well, I’ll see you soon, satoru.” she says her goodbyes before quickly running off back to the parking lot, watching her hop onto her pink bike and ride away. he smiled as she turned her head around and waved back to satoru, waving back to her.

there was something so alluring about her, she was so… interesting. maybe it was the way she smelled, her voice? personality? face? he doesn’t know. wether it was one of those, he wanted to grow closer to her and build a bond. maybe even be her boyfriend— no that was a stretch, she already had one, but he seemed like a total dick with the tiny bit of information she told. loving how it didn’t bother her to keep smiling through, he craved that as a person. yes, he could smile too, but it wouldn’t be a genuine smile like hers, no hers was real, it felt real. she felt like something he’s craved for a long time, home.

how much i really liked you.

[flickerenemyhouse]

your current opinions on each other? (favorite person and least favorite if you want lol)

also i love the blog theme omg

(AUGH TY ABOUT THE THEME :3)

for the sake of me not having to write something repeatedly, their least favs are their enemies ofc. So here’s their favs and other opinions.

Rosalie: My favorite person is either John or Kim-ly. Hah. Thiago: :( Rosalie: you’re a close third. Thiago: well… my favorite person here is John. I dunno about the rest of you guys. John: oh. I.. uh.. okay. Vinny: you guys are boring as hell. Personally? John is either a dick or a little bitch and should pick a lane and stick with it. Rosalie is such a melodramatic mess and always acts like she’s the morally superior one. Thiago pretends we all don’t know what he did and it’s embarrassing really. Alab: oh I like this one. Viola: *entering the room* Didn’t you used to bully John in high school? As well as other people just because you weren’t poor? Vinny: Yeah and I actually apologized and changed. You still have yet to apologize. You’ve done worse, Vi. Viola: Nothing you can prove. Kim-ly: I AM LITERALLY THE PROOF. Nikolai: *looking up from his phone* yeahhh get fucked, vi. Viola: Okay, I’ve known you the longest and I KNOW you are in no place to talk. Nikolai: actually I am in a place to talk. We’ve been given a question. Anyway, this is why Kim-ly is my favorite person and not Miss Italia over here. Kim-ly: Yay :D Viola: I’M LITERALLY YOUR COUSIN. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO “THE BLOOD IS THICKER THAN THE WATER” Nikolai: you know the full quote. Viola: ugh. But anyway I hate everyone here. Alab is the most tolerable though. Alab: cool. Alab: anyway I don’t wanna be here but I think Vinny is my favorite person here. When you’re all loud, it’s for no reason. He makes sense.

Rosalie: Bad take. Alab: You sometimes as well I guess. Rosalie: revoking my statement as we speak.

[slipperyweaver]

-I love that Ramona’s sexuality is not explored within the range of “LESBIANS???? HOT GIRL ON GIRL ACTION????? AWOOGA!” but more in relation to her flawed relationships and making amends with someone she hurt

-I love that Ramona’s sexuality remains ambiguous and kind of unclear when it would have been really easy to make a one-or-another statement or say that it was just a phase. Maybe she’s still figuring it out, or maybe she just doesn’t want to share!

-also the queer content that needed some modernizing got some modernizing. Not sanitizing, just modernizing. Respect.

-I enjoy that the flaws of Scott and Ramona are played off of each other through their alternate future selves and how it kind of says that they can make it work, they just both have to put in the effort and give each other space

-I fucking love what a horny little gremlin Roxy is 10/10

-I hate how the entire first episode was a shot for shot of the first volume because it really got my hopes up for a straight adaptation, but the point of the show is that another straight adaptation would just lead to recreating the same problems present in the original, and the original still exists, so like. Fair play. (Also look back at the trailers. It’s all from the first episode ;) )

-oh my god the soundtrack I’m never gonna stop listening to Knives & Kim

-really the whole presentation is incredible every step of the way. The animation is near flawless, the character design and world design are both immaculate, the section with Ramona dying her hair every morning is just :D

-I don’t love the sparks. Felt a little restrictive tbh

-I fucking love how Scott is the one to turn down sleeping with Ramona. I don’t remember if that’s how it happens in the original but I still enjoy it. And also that it’s Ramona who is put in the position of respecting his boundaries.

-Micheal Cera’s portrayal of Scott as a cross between the awkwardness of his movie portrayal and the confidence of his comic portrayal really really felt good.

-Wallace turns Todd bisexual and they bang for HOURS. Nuff said.

-I’m gonna be thinking about the Kim/Roxy kiss for the rest of my god damn life. augh

-all in all the show does what I hoped it would do, which is tell the story of Scott Pilgrim while modernizing some aspects, but Scott Pilgrim is a flawed story. It kind of feels like the only way to structurally improve the story is to give Ramona the focus and put more effort into creating emotional reconciliation with the exes rather than beating them all up, and the show does both of these things! By placing Ramona as the active protagonist rather than support and a prize for Scott, she kind of becomes more of a person and it feels more believable that they would end up working out.

(Sub point: I think that “old Scott” is a manifestation of and commentary on the movie Scott because his “character development” was extremely rushed and he never really had to learn anything about himself or Ramona, just beat a bunch of attractive people up. I think that the Scott and Ramona from the comics work out both because the timeline of their story was over months, not days, and a necessary part of their happy ending was working with and gaining a better understanding of each other’s flaws. In any timeline they’d have issues because they’re not perfect, but I think that comic S/R have a much better shot of longer-lasting happiness. This is not to dismiss the textual or structural flaws of the story, which are present, but to say that the comic still works for me in a way the movie, which I enjoy immensely and will probably rewatch a maximum of 72 hours after writing this, simply does not.)

Scott pilgrim takes off spoilers

-I like that Kim is still vaguely bisexual

-I like that Kim has some nice moments with knives bc that song goes hard

-I like that Kim experiments with who she’s into by making out with someone SOBER and HER OWN AGE

[idlecreature]

the buried fic comment from hell (it's so long i'm SO SORRY, I GOT EXCITED)

DEL.. I WASN’T SURE IF IT WAS APPROPRIATE TO LEAVE A LONG ASS COMMENT ON UR BURIED FIC IN PUBLIC….. SO I’M DROPPING IT HERE i’m so sorry in advance this is about to be a mess,, i’m so fucking emotional right now

((the review under the cut is in response to my fic which can b read here))

okay first –

The mental image of tiny gangly Barnabas and Jonah crouched with their hands in the dirt….. is so fucking cute?? I could feel Jonah’s jealousy just burning off of him. You had me right away. Fuck. You know how to open a story and I’m deeply envious, I’ve always struggled with it. Also, you threw in that little hook:

Despite what Jonah believes, there are some things that just can’t be explained in words.

Barnabas’ voice is so fucking good… guh… you know. I didn’t much care about Barnabas in any deep way before I joined the Jonah server and you guys have all just completely GUTTED me, I can’t believe how much I care about this highly-strung bastard,, he is so GOOD. HE’S SO GOOD???? HE’S SUCH A SWEETIE. LIKE. BARNABAS FEELING GUILTY AND HORRIFIED THAT PEOPLE ARE GRATEFUL TO HIM AND WANT HIM AROUND???? AAAAAAAAAA. And the melancholy aspect, too, which I imagine is how Mordechai was able to relate to him, get attached to him… Barnabas being bitter about how useless his tears are while he’s crying anxiously at the prospect that he might not be able to help those families after all…….

All of those scraps of Barnabas’ letter to Jonah made such EXCELLENT transitions, holy hell. Again I am inspired by your storytelling prowess. I am taking notes, for whenever my ability to write longform fic returns from war. This one was my favorite, made my heart clench:

A good world starts with a good person and a few choices that are made with the heart—

He’s so earnest I’m going to weep ;_; Barny.. you can’t make Jonah a better person he’s AWFUL,,

(Side note, super digging that I can indent stuff, block quoting makes this SO much easier.)

Also really digging that Jonah doesn’t have as nice a reputation as Barnabas… Jonah is the bad influence friend lmfao. AND JONAH’S CAT… I LOVE HIM…

And then you delivered a swift blow straight to the religion kink, as promised… “There’s something undeniably old testament about Jonah; the fire and fury of creation, the self-annihilating stare of Lot’s wife.“ LOSING IT I’M LOSING IT… WHAT A WAY OF DESCRIBING HIM God, here I thought I couldn’t possibly be more attracted to this bastard man. I am aghast at myself.

LOSING IT EVEN MORE OVER BARNABAS STACKING TEACUPS ON JONAH’S HEAD???? Why must you make them so fucking cute oh NO this is going to hurt isn’t it. ((This was the note I stuck in the Word doc while I was reading it and I thought I’d leave it as was for your enjoyment))

“Taking cues from your dreams?” Barnabas replies. “You know only the desperately mad do that?” 

“Or desperately inspired—savants and prophets and visionaries.”

And then you continued to try to kill me… Jonah thinking of himself as a prophet……. hhhhh canon-typical overambitious zealotry I’m HERE FOR IT………

“Are you trying to make me angry with you by playing the devil’s advocate?” 

“Just testing you,” Jonah says in his alloyed voice, silver-and-honey-gold. 

Del I cannot stress enough… My religion kink………. It’s been SO VERY ACTIVATED.

“Your morality has only ever been a thin cover for your shame.”

OUCH, JONAH, JESUS

Every bit of their dialogue was so familiar and tinged with bittersweetness and I owe you my entire life… Sincerely. Ugh. Like, how you described Barnabas’ internal angst about it later on – when he’s thinking of Mordechai, and he refers to "his many dog-eared fantasies” about Jonah it just really vividly conjured the thought of he and Jonah having a sort of? Queer solidarity, ESPECIALLY having grown up together. And that makes Jonah’s flash of betrayal at Barnabas not wanting to be SEEN with him that much more agonizing, personally. Like. I’ve had that happen to me more than once in real life. And much as Jonah is a piece of shit who is absolutely manipulating him………. still, ouch. Ouch. (Barnabas’ thoughts on the company Jonah keeps also made me wince. You did an AMAZING job with all of the internalized shame and frantic rationalizations, hooooooboy.)

The Lukases being colorblind is such an interesting piece of lore by the way I love it????? Now I have. Some questions, about Peter. Mordechai’s characterization in this is so fascinating to me. I’m enTRANCED by how you reverse-Uno’d it so that Barnabas was the reason Mordechai lost himself to the Lonely… the power dynamics……. so tasty. Ugh. And all of the sensual descriptions, especially of that first visit Barnabas had at Moorland house?? I didn’t clip any because I would have ended up clipping the whole fucking thing. It was aching, haunting, beautiful, holyshit. Their romance is somehow more fucked up than Barnabas and Jonah’s…

Also, I was so eager to read this I skipped the tags/warnings and completely didn’t realize Mordechai was going to be an actual vampire so that was a VERY fun surprise lmfao.

Barnabas feels like he’s close to learning something about violence and desire, how close they are, how the wires can get crossed.

THIS QUOTE IS EVERYTHING TO MEEEEEE ugh I’m having an aneurysm over how Jonah managed to fashion Barnabas into a creature that could understand him by gifting him to Mordechai for a while… letting Mordechai crack him open at the points where he was already brittle and experience an influx of some of the true darkness of the world. Just a tasty taste. That way when he discovers the truth of Jonah’s occult interests he won’t run away, because he’s already got his own fingers in the mess. He’s already given himself to one horror, why not Jonah? Shave some of the shine off of his morality, make him nice and gray so he won’t contrast so much with Jonah… And satisfying his curiosity at the same time. Two birds.

Oh, also, still sobbing about this line:

he realises that he doesn’t want to wear any colours that Mordechai can’t properly see.

EVERY TIME I let my guard down for ten seconds you smacked me with more of Barnabas being the most precious bleeding heart in the universe!!!!!! He aches so much for the people he’s trying to help and he hates people like Mordechai but part of him also wants to save Mordechai, somehow… maybe recognizes the parts of him that are like these people, still. Nearly faded but not quite gone yet. And as you’ve already established, Barnabas simply cannot let things go. Can’t disappoint people… can’t leave them when he could be doing something. Anything. Augh, FEELINGS.

Of course he knew Mordechai and Jonah were friends, he’d just temporarily believed in a sane and fair universe where things like this don’t happen. 

AND YOU HAD SUCH A PERFECT BALANCE OF HUMOR… This could have been such a feelbad fic, and tbh it still would have been spectacular. But you always eased it at just the right moment to keep it from going off the rails into irretrievable deepdark territory. Fed me little soft moments so I’d still be vulnerable enough to have my HEART RIPPED OUT LATER…

I’m not super interested in the Buried canon-wise but I love how you’ve written Barnabas’ natural affiliation with it… so subtle but powerful? (Of COURSE Jonah was jealous, lmao. He had to work so hard and he’s still not on Barnabas’ level. There’s some kinda beautiful commentary on ambition versus goodwill in there somewhere but I’m too busy nursing my battered little heart right now to articulate it.) It wove its way in and out of the rest of the plot so naturally, too. For some reason it compliments Barnabas’ temperament as I read it in canon just… so well. Was there a discussion about this on the server, and if so, PLEASE tell me about it sometime I’m so fascinated.

Jonah wasn’t even present for a lot of the fic but his characterization was so INTENSE and luminous, Christ… I know I already praised it a bit but. Woof. I wasn’t expecting to get a taste of his POV at the end and I was so excited I kicked my feet (my cat was very disgruntled) like, this line!!!

Now, he thinks there’s some truth in those false statements, in the lies we tell and why we want to be believed.

GOD, YOU’RE REALLY GONNA GIVE ME FEELINGS ABOUT JONAH AND FUTURE-JONAHLIAS IN THE SAME FIC?????? EVIL… I’m so so so fucking here for it, oh my God, Jonah with an amplifying anxiety disorder, THE PRICE OF IMMORTALITY… too bad the Eye doesn’t let you see the future, Jonah, lmao… the line “immortality just made his anxiety turn nuclear” is SEARED into my brain now, I am NOT accepting canon to contradict this ever again. I’ve always wondered how Jonah’s neuroses might have worsened in two entire fucking CENTURIES and I love the way you wrote it. I am fucking. Losing my mind.

There’s so many other things I could comment on, like. The brief but glorious Jonah-grinding-himself-off-on-Barnabas’-thigh shenanigans. Was incredibly hot, and Mordechai’s poor fragile heart breaking, and Barnabas telling Isabel that it’s fine to call him Barny…….. I’m hhhhhhhhHHHH fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m just!! I am incomprehensible!!! Everyone told me this fic was amazing but it’s fucking amazing, Del, what the hell. I’m never gonna be the same after this. The end was SHOCKINGLY sweet and I have WHIPLASH.

………… So, now that I’ve made you read a novel. Hah. Sorry. My point is. I loved every bit of this. It deserved heaps more praise but my eyes are starting to cross. Thx for sharing :’) 

Love,

Tony xx

TONY. TONY THIS MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME. FIRSTLY I’M SO GLAD YOU LIKED THIS. SECOND OF ALL, THANKS TO YOU I’LL BE SCREAMING FROM THE ROOFTOPS FOREVER HAVE YOU ANY IDEA HOW THIS REVIEW HAS AFFECTED ME? IT’S THE BEST FEEDBACK I’VE EVER RECIEVED IN MY LIFE I FEEL LIKE A FIRSTGRADER GETTING THEIR FIRST GOLD STAR I FEEL ON TOP OF THE WORLD LIKE I COULD THROW THE JEWEL OF THE SEA OFF THE SHIP AND LEAN OVER THE RAILINGS BECAUSE YOUR ARMS ARE AROUND ME TONY IT’S BEEN MONTHS AND THIS REVIEW HAS BEEN A FIREPLACE KEEPING ME WARM THROUGH THE WINTER MONTHS I LOVE YOU DEARLY FOR THIS YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE CHAMPION IF YOU WERE IN FRONT OF ME RIGHT NOW I WOULD FRENCH KISS YOU WITHOUT HESISTATION UNTIL THE BOTH OF US HAVE RUN OUT OF AIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKING BLESS YOU TONY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!