#augh i cant wait to be free

[mudhearted]

making a mudpie for my friend... they pick it up gently and squish it in my face. we laugh. and everything is ok again

[elkiyv]

my good omens 2 thoughts

yes i am crazy i have been waiting since they announced this and i have gomens has literally carried my mental health since 2019 but i have so many beefs with season 2 which made me so disappointed...

ineffable bureaucracy reveal. (BIGGEST GRIPE) im okay with the ship, i like it sometimes. but the reveal was not it. 0 set up to the 2 of them being together. they gave us a 10 min flashback sequence. 0 retention of their original personalities. 0 consequences for their actions in s1 from our main protags (especially crowley) who willingly gives away ALPHA CENTAURI to GABRIEL whose abuse he never got over. Jim isnt gabriel. Crowley should've been stomping gabriels head in when he got his memories back.

beelz and gabriel were so different during their little montage. i felt like i was looking at 2 different characters. Beelz lost their edge. they were so clean and proper. even the makeup--beelz had smooth skin and perfect edgy girl eyeliner. gabriel lost all mean-ness. where did the two's disgust for humanity go? beez actually liking music? a song about love?! i wouldve been happier if the jukebox was playing the sounds of a metal scrapper instead of buddy holly.

if they drank (WHICH GABRIEL IS REPULSED BY) they shouldve been lapping it like a dog with their tongue with the same unfamiliarity of aziraphale eating for the first time.

the dynamic between those 2 should've been two feral dogs going at each other to contrast the soft azicrow love because azicrow's bosses are the extreme opposites of them. the two of them were ruthless and cruel to the point where they wanted to execute azicrow and burn them out of existence. they give no shits about killing children or people or their own workers. what the fuck. they got off scott free without any punishment for what they did to azicrow in the first season. crowley was traumatised by gabriel and you're telling me all because Jim said he couldn't remember and was cute about hot choco that crowley forgave him entirely as Gabriel and not Jim and was willing to give up his creation to him?! really?

azicrow are the 2 beings who understand true love BECAUSE they were on earth. you're telling me that beelzebub and gabriel spent 4 meetings on earth and suddenly found true love and are suddenly SO SOFT and TENDER. really? REALLY? they antagonised azicrow for 6000 years over it to the point where they stalked them and harrassed them and sent people to kill them. augh. i cant be happy about this even though i do like them. it felt so ooc. I feel like they sanitised these 2. i was so disappointed.

i would've been much happier if the two of them were as ruthless and disgusting as they were in s1 and that they were dismissive toward everyone in the "whatre you gonna do about it losers lol middle fingers up to the posers" and if crowley protested somewhat. but no. everyone was fine with it.

2. Inconsistencies and retcons

there are so many set-ups that lead no where or had not so climatic reveals (the words on the matchbox, gabriel's memory word dumps, crowley suddenly wearing glasses in job) but i saw a post theory thing about it being intentional so im hoping it's real because the reveal of it being ineffable bureaucracy all this time !11!! was not it. it was so bad to me.

the retcon of the azicrow garden of eden meetcute... i refuse to believe neil would do that? i mean i loved the new opening meetcute no doubt, but crowley and aziraphale seem to remember the two of them as angels moment from the job scene where crowley says "im not the angel you knew" and idk... it makes me sad that the eden scene was... done over. it was iconic. it was about aziraphale showing a demon he just met love and kindness. not someone he used to know, who he already liked before.

In Job, aziraphale freaks out about being a bad angel because he lied to gabriel and therefore sabotaged gods bet and whatever. but he's already lied to god directly to herself in eden? why is he only freaking out now?

4. Muriel

i love muriel. but i was wondering the whole time why azicrow didnt just lie to her and say that humans who are standing together side by side and smiling are actually in true love. she wouldve believed it. heaven woulved believed it. azicrow know that they are stupid because they actively manipulate muriel like that by telling her that it takes several days to tell. and heaven was like "ya i knew that".

3. Maggie and Nina

i was really disappointed. i thought i was going to love them. i did not. their scenes made me cringe most of the time and i hated it because i felt like i was watching a wattpad fanfiction instead of tv. nina having an abusive partner also felt like a "ohh her partner sucks so logically maggie is her one true love and choice" thing. it wouldve worked without it. i dont care if it's supposed to be a reflection of the azicrow relationship because i felt like it like a cheap portrayal of aziraphale's relationship to heaven... heaven's abuse was subtle until the end where they wanted to execute him.

SUPER SUPER SUPER hated when maggie and nina confronted crowley about his relationship... and that THAT made him realise his feelings. THESE 2 HUMANS ARE INCONSEQUENTIAL TO CROWLEY. THEY DON;T KNOW HIM. HE DOESN'T KNOW THEM. crowley realising his feelings is such a special moment to his character. it wouldve been so much better if crowley realised it on his own. not his murderhobo bosses ""love"", not these 2 rando humans.

Like nina is fine on her own. but Maggie's cringe dialogue is also apparently intentional based on the 15k word essay theory ive seen. i hope it's real. i do so hope this awful character is an edit from metatron.

like why on earth would azirphale let them touch his books or give his books away for them. GIVE AWAY. not just "look". GIVE AWAY. LET THEM BE DESTROYED. why didnt he just miracle more fucking fire extinguishers???????

4. azicrow kiss

i have religious catholic guilt BUT i felt like aziraphale choosing heaven again was so frustrating as a viewer... because we've already been through this before in s1. he comfortably chose "US". i understand the point of aziraphale thinks he can fix heaven for crowley so the two can be together and i know it is probably in line with his character. but idk for me and my friends it was frustrating tv because there was 0 hints of aziraphale still leaning toward heaven. the emphasis of this season was "WE/US"

plus i HATE that it was driven by maggienina/bureaucracy. I HATE IT. i would be less mad if crowley came to the conclusion himself and did it himself.

"no nightingales" is a smashing line tho. really love it.

5. misc

aziraphales halo bomb thing was also a waste. there were 70 demons only and they already killed a hefty bunched. why couldnt he maggie and nina escape further down the floor or can aziraphale not smite anymore either? can he no longer wield a sword? can he not miracle like a wall in front of them? yes crowley loves rescuing him but aziraphale found it necessary to take action with the halo bomb.. idk it was a lil weird to me--such a huge thing for 70 demons.

6. overall

i liked episode 1-5. i liked the first ep maggienine but after that hated it. i loved jim and muriel. i was laughing every episode. i loved the new azicrow interactions we got to see and the flashbacks were so good. i loved that they extended it so we got to have a deep in depth look of them. the 15k word essay did point out sus things like in 1941 blitz having uncovered windows and open lights etc. so i hope it's real and not just ... unintentional bad writing. i just hated ep 6 with my whole heart. it sours the whole season for me.

[lostacelonnie]

True but thats like. Part of the charm almost. All the issues. Yeah thankfully the days are lengthening again & the terrible holiday season has finally passed, which made me. So tired. Hence my response delay. Yeah they should chill but im glad that the last bit was. Easy for you? I was around my family for like. A day. & it was exhausting i can only imagine what a week takes out of you. I wish more americans were like that some guy tried to talk to me a bit at the theater yesterday when i went to see godzilla minus one & it was exhausting. Also funny story everyone at my work was so exhausted last week i said something in spanish to my co worker from el salvador & he completely did not understand because of exhaustion. Oh that pretty cool. I had to learn so that i wasn't like. Having sandwiches & ramen all the time & now im trying to find time to make my own bread so like. Slippery slope. But yeah knowing a few recipes is always a good idea. Thats always the best, having friends who are chill with quiet. Does anyone have a good school? I will believe in the process because star rail is also giving me that pain with argenti's story quest & ruan mei's swarm thing. Ah okay so antimatter legion but less controlled in a way. Oh so thats what herscherr means. How come some have like multiple herscherr forms if ive seen right? Entymology is very interesting i love it. I sure need to remember traces & such more i keep forgetting. & it shows in my multi target dps characters. Worlds worst wingwoman indeed i love her. Cant wait to get further into it & see more claire. Roguelikes are a lot of fun i enjoy them greatly. I thought they would annoy me but hades proved me wrong. Noita sounds fun ill check it out at some point. Himeko mvp of all time she better survive penacony. Whoa that's a lot of seele lore. I love her damn. Explains her a bit in star rail too. What with sea of quanta, themes of death, scythe as a weapon. Also cocolia connection. And bronya really went hard for seele damn i love her too. Are her legs being broken why she like. Uses something to hover in the game? Have any other bronya facts? Or mei? Im glad your polish post radar works so well.

it really is ADHFGLSKFKG. and god yeah FINALLY. also happy new year!!!!!! very late but still!!!!!! this was my first week back in school after the holidays [well. actually it was Two Days] but im already tired. aooougugh. but oh well! GOD. my family In General is like. Fine. i really dont mind them. but i have to stay with my grandma who is just impossible to coexist with...... luckily my mom allowed me to mostly just hang out in our room and not interact with her that much since she shares my opinion. and augh that sounds. Irritating. i enjoy being left the fuck alone. AHDKKS it really is like that........ on wednesdays we have 8 am classes with the one teacher we have that speaks Exclusively spanish so we often do a irl co op mission with the entire group if we wanna convey like literally any message to her. and oh understandable!!! im probably gonna end up the same way sjfkgj. my mom never really taught me to cook since she doesnt like to do it [which, i get it] but i personally really enjoy the process so well see how that goes. AND FOR REAL i genuinely do not believe theres such thing as a good school. or even a Normal school. also fairrrrrr i actually returned to star rail for ruan mei [<- not immune to Pretty Autistic Women] and also had trouble with the swarm boss...... actually made me update my clara build. can you believe this. but tbh i havent done argentis quest yet and im fully spoiler free so im gonna see how that goes JDJGKKSJG. and yeah!! and with multiple herrscher forms its like. usually people obtain multiple herrscher forms either in like. change in belief? approach? which lets them harness other parts of their power [or add new ones], like in the case of HoFlamescion or HoTruth; merge [HoRimestar]; or find a new external source of their power [CE HoOrigin, HoFinality]. but i dont believe its ever explained in Detail so yeah. but generally, the power of a herrscher is stored in their herrscher core, so obtaining multiple cores can give people multiple authorities [like in the case of sirin]. but as i said, typical Honkai Confusion. ETYMOLOGY IS SUPER FUN YEAH...... and for real. if manaria has 1000 fans i am one of them if manaria has 1 fan its me against the world if manaria has no fans i am dead. noita IS fun but i should warn you youre not gonna get anywhere without external guidance. i mean. Maybe you will but its gonna be frustrating as hell and near impossible. its that kind of game. but the fanbase knows that and is actually very helpful!!! solving this games secrets is a team effort. as of right now i have 63h in and 2 wins [got one today, actually! congrats, me.] but i rec it heavily. its fun. AND YES GOD YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HI3 FANS SCARED ARE FOR HSR HIMEKO. they cant take her from us again............ AND YES SEELE. I LOVE SEELE. its actually canon she has a kind of "you are not immune to seele" aura that makes people unable to say no to her bc of just how much of a lovely person she is. and yes that is the reason bronya floats around ingame!!! AND WELL. due to the fact that bronya and mei are both a part of the Main Trio, telling you. literally Any amount of lore about them would take me way too fucking long. and im so sorry but im just mentally unable to do that. and thank you o7 polska gurom ‼‼‼‼💯💯💥🔥💥‼💯🔥💥

[girlbowser]

TG: egbert youre cis you gotta let me in on the big secret TG: is it true TG: do they really pass out free measuring tapes to every little boy in the hospital TG: marking that shit off day by day TG: im sorry, they tell my bro, but this kid has -1 TG: -1 says bro TG: yeah dude somethings kinda weird about him TG: cant place it though TG: then the dickmeasuring guy winks because turns out his niece is trans too and hes trying to be inclusive TG: just doesnt really get how to do it though EB: dave, i have a silly question. EB: first, i hope you are not mad at me for this whole conversation. i feel like i have done a lot of embarassing things! TG: sall good man EB: second question, what is "cis"? TG: john TG: i love you TG: i am going to log off EB: augh, no, wait! EB: i was going to ask you to play sburb. TG: sburb TG: you mean that shit game bro trashed TG: hard pass EB: awh. TG: but TG: idk TG: we can play later or something TG: it might be a bit TG: just gotta like TG: lmao TG: pussycats out of the bag TG: so i gotta emotionally like take a liedown EB: that is fair, and thank you for telling me. EB: i am going to mess around in my room some more, and then probably contact tt. TG: oh man TG: tell her TG: all of this TG: literally send her the transcript of this conversation TG: shes gonna lose it TG: anyway yeah no im not mad dude TG: its not like youre the one who pressed the magic "make dave strider" button TG: or however babies are born TG: cant really get mad at you for being a little uninformed EB: heh, yeah, okay. EB: talk later, tg. TG: seeya egbert

turntechGodhead [TG] has ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB].

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Follow my AO3!!!

something a little different (or: gender? i hardly know 'er) (several posts incoming)

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB].

TG: hey so what sort of insane loot did you rake in today EB: i got another con air poster, it is so awesome. it is a custom poster featuring the tough criminal sally can't-dance from the movie. TG: damn TG: brutal TG: whats her deal some kind of footloose situation TG: oh god sally youve really done it now your dastardly tap shoes have burned down their last orphanage TG: from now on i dub thee TG: sally can't-dance EB: heheheh. EB: i don't actually know. maybe the name is a reference to something? cyrus "the virus" grissom was a reference to real viruses, and it is definitely a weird name for a criminal. TG: yeah dont mind me enjoy your wikiwalk TG: while youre gone ill inform you about my own sweet haul TG: some motherfucking aj TG: factory sealed EB: hm. TG: what EB: hmm. TG: is aj really that complicated for you egbert TG: its got like two ingredients TG: apple and juice TG: plus some uh TG: polycarbonate something something TG: man this shit is so blurry TG: or maybe i should take off my glasses in the house TG: nah TG: its the juicemen who are wrong EB: tg, i think i found something. TG: "tg" what is this a fucking heist operation EB: shh! it is actually very interesting.

[goldenkenku]

About the character opinion bingo. Pls tell me ur belos opinions bc even tho I already know them i enjoy talking about the meow meow + it makes our friends mad. also Darius?? 🥺

Btw I totally read ur ask wrong and did an opinion dump on these two (mainly Belos LMAO) before I re read it and was like. OHH. THE BINGO. THAT MAKES A BIT MORE SENSE. [<- IS A FOOL] ANYWAYS SJDKMWMDMSMSGWHWBWBNM BEHOLD.

[sister-lucifer]

i cant aNON ANYWAYS. IM INSANE OSWALD/READER GIVE ME. GRABBY HANDS. NOW.

SEX. AUGH. ME WHEN I. IM DYING BUT. BRAIN IS SAYING SOMETHING LIKE. READERS HIS ASSISTANT AND SOMETHING. HAPPENS? I DONT KNOW I AM TIRED AND DISTRACTED

PLEASE VENT CRAWLER IF YOU HAVE BETTER IDEAS I AM OPEN TO SUGGESTION PLEASE 😭😭

The Secretary 

Oswald Cobblepot A.K.A. The Penguin x Male Reader 

Reader uses he/him and has a penis 

Genre: Smut 

Summary: Oswald finds out his favorite employee has a crush on him, and decides he deserves a reward for his hard work. 

Content/Warnings: Oswald is oblivious, Oswald’s creepy dirty talk, Oswald can’t flirt or be sexy to save his life, blowjob(reader receiving), inappropriate workplace relations, office sex, Oswald bends you over the desk, a wee bit of biting, one (1) spank, some hair pulling, only sort of proof read (lmk if you spot any typos!)

Like my writing? I take requests! NSFW or SFW for any fandoms in my bio! 

Also, please reblog! it’s free, takes two seconds, and really helps me out 

Notes: Pretzel you absolute fool. You’re lucky I love you. You can have a little Oswald sex as a treat

Oswald Cobblepot was certainly an interesting man, even if “interesting” had a completely different meaning depending on who you asked. 

To you, interesting was attractive. It was powerful, but not just in the vein of his enterprise; his power was in his presence, in the very blood that ran through him. His power was in his strategy, in his cunning, in his ruthlessness that shone through at just the right times. 

God, what a man. 

And you were just lucky enough to snag a secretary position for that man. 

Although you thought you’d been more than hiding your little crush, it had been painfully obvious to everyone; everyone but Oswald, of course. No one had EVER had a crush on HIM before, how was he supposed to know the signs? 

The way you lingered in his office with a friendly conversation, the way you always had a coffee ready for him, the way you seemed to always have an excuse to be near him…

…Those could all be perfectly normal friend things! 

Although, Oswald wasn’t completely free of blame either. He often found himself wondering about you, what you did when you left work, if you had a partner to go home to. Something about that last part always ticked him off a bit, but he couldn’t place what. 

It was completely normal for him to worry about his best employee, right? Besides, he wouldn’t know a crush if it slapped him in the face, not to mention that the last time he loved someone it ended…less than favorably. 

The possibility of romantic involvement never once crossed his mind. 

That is, until a rather frustrated Mr. Penn was called to his office, muttering something about your poor performance. 

“Mr. Cobblepot,” He began, quickly closing the door behind him. “There is a rather urgent matter that I must bring to your attention.” 

Oswald sighed, sliding his feet off his desk and glaring daggers at Penn as he walked over. 

“Urgent, Penn? Really? You said the broken hand dryers in the bathroom were ‘urgent.’” 

“I mean it this time, Mr. Cobblepot. It’s about…” Penn paused, leaning in and lowering his voice as if he were afraid someone was listening. 

“…your secretary.”

Oswald stood quickly, straightening his tie and adjusting his jacket. 

“The secretary? Did something happen to him? Is he alright?” 

“He’s fine, Mr. Cobblepot, but I’m afraid he’s having trouble fulfilling his duties.” Penn couldn’t help but let his frustration slip through a bit at his boss’s obvious show of favoritism. 

Oswald quirked a brow in confusion. 

“What do you mean? He’s been working just fine. Why, just yesterday he stayed late to help me with my paperwork.”

“That’s just the thing, Mr. Cobblepot!” Penn sighed, adjusting his glasses. “He’s been working excellently for you, but he’s been neglecting his other duties, and I think I may know why…” 

Oswald returned to his seat, resting his chin in his hand as he waited for Penn to continue. 

“I-I think—and, apologies if this is, um, presumptuous—that he maybe, might have a sort of…crush on you—“ 

Oswald’s eyes slowly widened, and suddenly his heartbeat was so loud in his ears it made it hard to listen to Penn. 

“Wait, wait, wait!” Oswald interrupted, “What the hell are you talking about, Penn?” 

“W-Well, forgive me sir, but it’s quite obvious. It’s been the talk of the office for the past week! Have you ever noticed how much time he spends in your office? O-Or, how he spaces out when you’re around? He’s practically attached at your hip, sir, and it’s affecting his work.”

Oswald merely nodded, eyes falling to his desk as he processed the words. He wasn’t really sure how to react. On one hand, this was very exciting, knowing that maybe you too had been thinking of him. On the other, it made him nervous and a little embarrassed to think about how improper he had acted around you, wondering if it damaged your view of him. 

“Now, Mr. Cobblepot,” Penn continued, “It is up to you how you deal with this, but I suggest that you do something.“

“Yes, yes…I’ll be sure to, um— look into it. You may leave now.” 

“B-But Mr. Cobblepot, I also need to tell you about—“

“I said you can leave. Now.” 

And with that Mr. Penn was scurrying off, Oswald’s sharp gaze following him until the doors closed once more. 

Oswald leaned back in his chair, staring up at the ceiling as he pondered. Was there really a solution here? He wasn’t really worried about your work performance, of course, but now that he knew that you were into him he was worried he would make things awkward. Just thinking about you being here was making him nervous!

He knew that neither of you could just turn off your feelings, and it would be unfair to ask you to do so. It would be even more unfair to fire you, so that was certainly off the table. 

Could Oswald even afford a relationship right now? Someone of his status and reputation certainly had a target on his back, and it would put one on yours too. But no one needed to know, Oswald could

keep a secret if you could…

He quickly shook the idea from his thoughts, his mind wandering to less than savory places much too quickly. One thing was for sure, though, he needed to talk to you.

Oswald waited until the next day to summon you to his office. Your heart skipped a beat when you heard the request, and before you knew it you were up and out of your chair. You were always happy to see Mr. Cobblepot, and you made sure to bring your clipboard in case you needed to take notes.

“Mr. Cobblepot?” You called as you knocked on the door. 

“Come in,” He replied, eyes already locked onto you as you stepped in as if he had been looking at you through the door. 

“Good morning, Mr. Cobblepot!” 

Your cheery tone was an unexpected but welcome surprise. Even Oswald had to return your smile. 

“Good morning, secretary. How has your day been?”

“Just lovely, Oswald, thank you. Even better now that I get to see you. How about you?”

Oswald stared at you from across his desk for a moment, a pink tint crossing his cheeks. 

“Oh, uh— I-I’m just fine, thank you.” 

There was a brief period of awkward silence as Oswald collected himself, tugging down his sleeves and drumming his fingers on his desk as he stood. Finally, he cleared his throat before he spoke. 

“So, as I’m sure you assumed, there is something I need to discuss with you.” 

“Yes, sir?” You replied as you readied your clipboard and pen. 

“It’s about your work performance.” 

Oswald could see the way your expression dropped. It made him feel bad for using such ominous wording, but he didn’t want to move too fast.

“It has been brought to my attention that you tend to…neglect some of your duties. Is that true?” 

You paused, letting out a sigh. It was true, really, but you didn’t want to just stay that. You knew how touchy Oswald could be, and you simply couldn’t afford to lose this job. 

“W-Well…” You began, carefully considering your words, “I thought I had been doing decently, but i-if I need to do more…” 

“Don’t lie to me, secretary.” 

His harsh tone made you flinch. You merely nodded, holding your clipboard against your chest.

“I have also been informed that there is a sort of…rumor going around about you that may be related.”

“…Rumor?”

“Yes. A rumor concerning…your, um, feelings…towards me…” 

Your heart skipped a beat. Did he know about your crush? If he did, was he mad? Would he fire you? Or worse, have you killed? And if he didn’t know, what sort of horrible gossip had been going around that he felt the need to call you in for it?

“W…W-What do you mean, sir?” 

You were frozen in place as Oswald began to move, slowly making his way around the desk toward you, the click of his shoes loud as gunshots in your ears. 

“You know what I mean, secretary. I was blind not to see it until it was brought to my attention. It’s flattering, really, how much time and effort you put into…how did he describe it? ‘Being attached at my hip?’” His voice was like velvet on his tongue, nearly putting you in a trance as he reached forward to toy with your hair.

“I-I’m sorry sir, I never meant to—“

You were quickly silenced when Oswald put a finger to your lips. Your cheeks felt unbearably hot as he leaned in, merely staring down your face for a long while. 

“Let me ask you something,” Oswald began, not moving from his close proximity, making you gulp and grip your clipboard so hard your fingers hurt. 

“Do you think such feelings are appropriate for the workplace?” 

“…No, sir,” You admitted. You cast your gaze downward in shame.

“I didn’t think so. Now, let me ask you something else…” 

You trembled beneath his gaze, flinching when you felt his hand on your shoulder. 

“…Can you keep a secret?“

“W…What?” 

The sound of Oswald’s hands slamming down on the desk on both sides of you made you yelp, your clipboard and pen falling to the floor before promptly being kicked away. 

“Can you keep a secret, secretary?” 

You were sure Oswald could feel the heat radiating off of you. Even as you nodded, the entire situation was so surreal you were unsure if he had really said what you’d heard. 

He leaned in even further, if that was somehow possible, his face mere inches from yours. Your shaky breath fanned over his skin. 

“Something wrong, secretary?” He growled, voice low and deep. 

“Oh, not at all, sir,” You replied in a heavy breath. In an impulsive moment of boldness you closed the gap, allowing your lips to meet his for just a moment before you pulled away again. Your eyes scanned his face, waiting for his reply. 

Before you knew it he was practically devouring your soft lips, holding your face and forcing his tongue down your throat. It was sudden and uncoordinated, but that was always part of Oswald’s charm. You gladly welcomed the rough advances, throwing your arms around his neck and pulling him in as close as you could. 

His restless hands ran up and down your body, looking for even an inch of skin, but that was easier said than done with your work attire. 

He pulled away with a huff, turning his attention to fumbling with your belt and work pants. You decided to help him out, undoing the buttons on your shirt but not getting the chance to take it all the way off before he was done. Your pants and belt clattered to the floor, your now rock hard cock straining against your boxers. Oswald felt you up shamelessly, groping your bulge before moving on to your now exposed chest and midriff. His hands ran over every bit of skin they could find, touching everywhere he could reach, his callouses leaving your skin tingling.

“Oh, Mr. Cobblepot—“ You stuttered out, only to curtly be corrected. 

“Oswald.”

“O…Oswald…” You echoed, relishing the feeling of his name on your tongue. He pulled you into another kiss for just a moment before he was moving onto your neck, tugging on your hair to keep your head back.  He wasted no time getting to work, sucking and biting until every part of your neck and shoulders had a mark or bruise. 

“More, Oswald—!” You pleaded in a raspy whisper. He bit down hard on your shoulder, making you arch your back and let out a broken moan. When he finally pulled away from your abused flesh, you were panting. 

You both took a few moments to catch your breath. You brought Oswald down to you, pressing your forehead to his in a tender show of affection. Your free hand moved to grip his wrist, guiding his hand to where your cock throbbed in your boxers.

“Oswald…I-I need you…” 

You had hardly finished your sentence before he was on his knees, ripping down your boxers and making your erection spring up against your stomach. You sighed in sweet relief. 

Your boxers were quickly discarded and pushed away along with your pants and belt to be forgotten until you were done. Oswald was clearly eager, wrapping a hand around your cock and immediately sliding the tip past his lips. 

“O-Oh—! Oswald…!” You whined, gripping his hair. He was never one to be patient, and you wouldn’t expect anything else. 

You didn’t notice his free hand sliding up your leg until two of his fingers were poking at your entrance. They pushed in without warning, causing your hold on Oswald’s hair to tighten and making him moan around your length. 

You whined through gritted teeth as he forced his digits in deeper. His movements were less than coordinated, often clumsy and certainly without a steady pace, but you didn’t mind. It didn’t matter when he could hit so deep inside of you. 

More and more of your length disappeared into his mouth and down his throat. He took in as much as he could, even if he had to force himself. He didn’t care when you were moaning above him. 

He soon added a third finger, each thrust somehow hitting even deeper than the last. His fingers curled just right, hitting all your sweet spots even if he had no idea what he was doing. He spread his fingers as much as he could, trying to ready you to take his cock as much as his paper-thin patience would allow. 

The way you whined his name and pushed him onto your cock only encouraged him. He used every trick he could; he made a show of moaning around your length, the noises sending vibrations through you, and flicking his tongue over your sensitive tip. 

Soon you could no longer grip his hair; instead you had to brace yourself against his desk to keep steady. Your nails dug into the underside of the desk hard enough that Oswald could hear the scraping, but he easily drowned it out with his own lewd noises.  

“Oh, Oswald…! P-Please—“ You stuttered, legs trembling beneath you. “Please, more! I-I wanna cum…” 

Oswald couldn’t give a verbal answer, but he didn’t need to. He’d taken so much of your length he couldn’t go any further, his nose bumping against your navel. He swallowed around you, taking great delight in the way you shuddered at the feeling of his throat constricting around your twitching cock. 

A fourth finger prodded at your entrance and eventually slipped in, ripping a high pitched moan from your throat. It felt like each thrust of Oswald’s fingers hit deeper than you ever thought possible, and it made your head spin.

“Oswald, I-I— I’m gonna cum—“ You choked out, “I-I wanna cum in your mouth, please—!” 

Oswald gladly obliged, using his free hand to steady your hips now that his mouth could do all of the work on your cock. Your moans began to grow louder despite your attempts to stifle them; at first you were worried that someone outside may hear you, but the closer you got to your release the less you cared.

You hardly even managed to slur out a warning before all at once you were releasing down his throat. Oswald almost choked, but he made himself stay until you were completely done. Even then you were still calling out his name, even if it was fizzling out into a whisper. 

Finally he pulled off, releasing your cock with a wet pop. He slowly retracted his hand, admittedly leaving you feeling a bit empty. His hands found your hips as he stood, and soon he was pulling you into another kiss. You could taste yourself on his lips. 

This kiss wouldn’t last long, though. He had prepped you, and now it was time for the main event. 

“Over the desk, secretary.” 

It took a moment to process the command. When you did, though, you were turning around so fast you nearly fell over. You pushed back against Oswald, and you could hear his breath hitch. 

“Now, now, secretary…” He hissed through his teeth, gripping your hips to keep them still. “Remember your place.” 

You nodded, making sure to keep still when he pulled back to unbuckle his belt. You were giddy with excitement when you heard it clank against the floor, and then the shuffle of his pants and boxers as they fell shortly after. 

He was on you in a second, shifting the desk with how eagerly he pounced on you, wrapping his body around yours. He was grinding against you shamelessly, spewing filth into your ear under his breath. 

“You— You, little secretary, should consider yourself lucky—“

You could practically hear the saliva pooling in his mouth; he was almost drooling over you. 

“So lucky to not only be in the presence of Oswald Cobblepot, but to be allowed his pleasure?!” His voice was high pitched and raspy, as it always became when he was particularly excited. 

“You, my secretary, have no idea how lucky you are!” 

His ego was spilling over, unimaginably inflated by the way you shivered and mewled beneath him. You wouldn’t dare argue, though; you were quite lucky, after all. It was painfully obvious that Oswald was not exactly charismatic, and definitely no Casanova. He wasn’t close with anyone, and up until just recently had been much too paranoid to hold a relationship, not to mention he didn’t find himself particularly attractive. His ego was massive, sure, but fragile, and even the slightest bit of criticism could set him off, often leading to a self esteem spiral. Anyone else would have been pushed away long ago. 

You, though, found his rough exterior to be the source of your intrigue. You’d imagined scenarios such as this one many times, but no fantasy could ever amount to the real thing. Oswald was inexperienced and overzealous, a bit inconsiderate even, but it was perfect that way. 

It showed through more than ever when he was suddenly pushing into you without warning. You would have screamed if the sound hadn’t been caught in your throat. 

Something like a breathy laugh that turned  into a moan managed to make its way past Oswald’s lips. His breath was warm in your ears, his nails digging into your skin as he forced his length into you. He had to stop to catch his breath once he had filled you completely. 

“God…I-I’ve never felt…like this before…” 

“You…You doing alright there, Oswald?” You asked in a heavy breath. The question was genuine, but there was a bit of teasing behind it. 

“Mind your own, secretary. I-I’ll be fine…” He muttered in reply. He shifted a bit behind you, making you squirm. What was he waiting for?! You needed him to pound you now. 

All of a sudden you could feel him pulling back, and you braced yourself against the desk. He didn’t go very far, but he didn’t have to when he was shoving back into you with full force. You yelped, the entire desk shaking beneath you and causing a few things to fall over and onto the ground. 

“Oswald—! A-Ah—!”

He wasted no time starting slow; he was thrusting into you with all his strength, and for a long while without proper pace or rhythm. That didn’t mean it wasn’t just as enjoyable, though. Not knowing when he would fill you again was incredibly exciting. 

“You like that, baby?” He growled against your neck. You nodded in response, mouth hanging half open as you panted. 

“Words, secretary!” 

Oswald emphasized his point with a spank, making you jump. 

“Y-Yes, Oswald! More, please!” 

“More? Already?! I didn’t realize my secretary was such a whore.” 

You brought a hand up to cradle his face, rubbing your cheek against his. 

“Only for y-you, Oswald…” 

His eyes widened for a moment before a sly grin broke out across his face. The quickest way to Oswald’s heart was to feed his ego. 

“Oh my, already so obedient…I think I’ll keep you.” 

He reached up to yank on your hair, even harder than before, making you hiss from the pleasurable sting. He was soon at your neck once more, biting and bruising any small spot he had missed before. 

Your nails scratched and dug deep into his desk. If you were anyone else in any other situation, you would get an earful for vandalizing his expensive mahogany. This time, though, Oswald wanted those marks to be there; he wanted a permanent reminder of when he claimed you as his own (not to mention no one else would notice it, which was a welcome plus). 

“O-Oswald—!” You choked out. It was getting harder to form words each passing second. 

“Oswald…n-need…need you to t-touch me—!”

His hands slid around your front, starting at your chest. He toyed with your nipples, delighting in the way you mewled when he pinched them just right. 

“Touch you where, secretary, hm?” 

“M…M-My…”

“Spit it out!” He punctuated his sentence with a particularly hard thrust, practically forcing the words out of you. 

“M-My cock—! Please, please touch my cock, Oswald!”

He couldn’t help but laugh a bit, his chuckle coming out as a sickly sweet, high pitched giggle. He gladly fulfilled your request, his warm palms sliding down your torso until he could wrap a hand around your length. 

You tightened around him at the feeling, your sensitive cock twitching in his hand. It was a bit overwhelming when paired with the way Oswald was jackhammering into you, but you wouldn’t have wanted anything less. 

As badly as Oswald wanted to keep you like this until the work day was over, he couldn’t hold himself back when your tight hole was clenching around him so deliciously. He picked up the pace with his hand, hoping to push you to your release before his. 

Just when he had found a steady pace and some semblance of coordination, he was starting to lose it again. All he cared about now was finding his climax, and he was much too busy with that to worry about his rhythm. He left no spot untouched, that was for sure, each vein on his cock scraping against your walls. Soon you weren’t even processing each individual thrust, unable to feel anything besides the pleasure that shook you with each of his movements. 

You were weak in the knees, relying fully on the desk to support you or else your trembling legs would surely buckle beneath your weight. Your pleas for more had long dissolved into pathetic moans, but you didn’t need words when Oswald seemed to know exactly what you needed. 

With your release fast approaching, you managed one last request. 

“Oswald…I-I want you…to fill me—!” 

He groaned against your neck, his iron grip on your waist faltering for just a moment. 

“What was that, secretary?”

“I want you to cum in me, Oswald! Please!”

“Oh my, so needy.” Oswald scoffed, feigning annoyance despite the shake in his voice. He would happily oblige, though, under one condition: 

“Cum for me first.” 

You were more than ecstatic to agree. Your tongue lolled out of your mouth in your overstimulated state, and Oswald was quick to pull you into another sloppy kiss. 

You tried to warn him before you came, really you tried, but he refused to release your lips. That was okay though, because the way you writhed beneath him and the way you desperately whimpered into his mouth was more than enough to tell him you were close. 

All at once you came into his palm, practically screaming into the kiss as it spilled out past his hand and onto the floor. He would have some poor janitor clean it up later. 

Finally he was forced to pull away from the kiss to breathe. You arched your back into him, tensing around his cock as your orgasm washed over you. His low grunts grew louder and louder until he was drawling out long, broken calls of your name that were hardly more than drug-out moans. He was humping you like a dog in heat, far more sensitive to the pleasure you brought him than he would ever admit. 

He gave no word of warning before he came either, merely one last tug on your hair before you could feel his warm seed rushing into you. With your last bit of energy you managed to scream his name for him as he filled you with everything he had. 

His thrusts didn’t stop for a long while after, not until he was completely done and was forced to slow to a stop from the overstimulation. Even just the feeling of you tightening around him nearly made him yelp. 

You went limp against the desk, your entire body weak and sweat dripping down your forehead. You were sore, exhausted and sticky, not to mention you could feel Oswald’s cum leaking down your legs and into your socks, but you couldn’t have cared less. 

“Oswald…” You rasped out, “Are…a-are you okay?” 

“Oh, I’ve never been better…you’re the best secretary I’ve ever had…” 

You admittedly chuckled at this, patting his cheek and giving him a quick peck on the lips. 

If Oswald could’ve stayed nestled deep inside you, he would have. Unfortunately, he was only a man, and his entire lower body was unspeakably sore. He made himself pull out, and it took all of his willpower not to collapse onto the ground. 

He cleaned you up as best he could before sitting you down in his chair, laying your discarded clothes in your lap before going to put his pants back on. 

“Stay here. I’ll go get you a towel and some water and whatever else you need, ok?” He planted a kiss on your forehead as you nodded. He began to walk away, but before he left he turned to say one last thing: 

“Oh, and remind me to give you a big fat promotion first thing tomorrow.” 

[reigenfanclub]

EEE IM SO HAPPY im seeing my cat for the first time in over a year i love him so much hes so big and fluffy ill post pics later 💖💖💖😭🙏🙏

[broken-clover]

Its robo-ky anon again, i just cant get enough. is it possible to request a fic/ficlet of robo-Ky/reader about Reader building him a new body? i just think he deserves it. (of course no rush at all, and feel free to delete this if you arnt up to it! i enjoy ALL your work!)

Hello, anon! And thank you for your patience! Hopefully it was worth it.

I do like more open-ended requests, though it also makes me worry more about whether or not I'm properly making what a person wants.

-

An array of tools hanging from the pegboard wall, metal pieces strewn across the worktable, and staticky music crackling out from a radio atop an overturned milk crate. One thing was for sure, you at least *looked* like you knew what you were doing.

Nonetheless, the head seated at the other end of the table continued to eye you with skepticism. “I DON’T THINK IT LOOKED LIKE THAT.”

After taking a few moments to drive in a screw all the way, you gave the robot an aside glance and tapped at a paper pinned to the board. “I looked at all the blueprints you gave me, I’m doing it exactly to the dimensions that were written on it.”

“MY THIGHS ARE CERTAINLY NOT SHAPED LIKE THAT! YOU MUST HAVE MISREAD.”

“You can barely see them most of the time, you’re wearing the uniform.”

“...SHUT UP.”

“You’re free to build your own body.” You half-tease. “If you’re going to be picky about it.”

Robo-Ky went quiet, outside of his muffled grumbling. You went back to your work. A tentative flex made the mechanical knee joint bend without a snag, and it unbent just as easily.

“Alright, leg skeleton looks good! Hopefully once I finish up with the hydraulics and put all the pieces together, everything’s gonna work together nicely.”

“HUH?” The robot’s mouth went agape. “YOU ONLY JUST MADE THE SKELETON??”

“I mean, for now, obviously, I’m gonna work on other parts after this. It just felt like the best place to start was the basic frame.”

“AUGH, AT THIS RATE I WON’T HAVE A NEW BODY BY THE NEXT CENTURY!” The head began to steam, rocking back and forth so hard that he nearly tipped right over.

You catch him before he can knock himself off the counter. “Easy, zippy, where are you headed so fast?”

As soon as he was put back down, Robo went back to his fuming. “I WANT LEGS! I WANT TO HOLD THINGS! BEING A HEAD SUCKS!”

“Okay, okay, I guess that’s fair.” You reply, patting him with one hand and reaching for your wrench with the other. “Promise I’m not trying to be slow, there’s just a lot of components. It’s a lot easier when you’ve got PWAB funding and machines for mass-production. I gotta do all of this from scratch.”

The thought didn’t even seem to have occurred to him. “OH.” He said. “I SUPPOSE…THE WORTHLESS PROFESSOR DID HAVE WAY TOO MUCH MONEY. WAY TOO MUCH! ALL HE DID WAS SIT IN THE BASEMENT ALL DAY!”

Well, that sounded a lot more like Robo-Ky. “Try to think of it like this, once it’s all done, your body will be unique! Even if I follow the blueprints, there’s still stuff that’ll end up just a little different. And I can add my own signatures!”

“SHEESH! YOU’RE ALREADY GOING MAD WITH POWER!”

You both pause to chuckle. “So waiting a little longer isn’t going to be the end of the world, is it?”

“AS LONG AS YOU DON’T DILLY-DALLY! THAT MUCH SEEMS ACCEPTABLE.”

“Aww, you sweetheart-”

“HEY, I SAID ‘ACCEPTABLE,’ NOT ‘IDEAL.’ DON’T GET WORDS MIXED UP!”

[claitea]

wait only the first chapter of deltarune was going to be free right.... i cant buy things yet augh

if anyone finds out about anyone who's going to stream the game the day it comes out please tell me!!

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 16

here we go, the crux of the pain...

ok I'm not prepared for this but I gotta rip the bandaid off, lets go

oh!!! magnus flashbacks!! I honestly thought these were shown later...this is such cool setup for the next arc tho I love it

and the tieback to the scavengers ark, showing fulcrum’s flashback but from magnus’s perspective, as the guy labelled with ‘ultra magnus’ blows him up...

and like, I love that those flashbacks are so vague, and you don't even really know why you're being shown them - I feel like when I first read this I assumed it was to show a bunch of times where magnus almost died but didn't even though he was expected to die - like here w/overlord - but we’ll soon find out that's not quite the case...

and I like the little details that don't add up, like the second flashback-magnus having his autobrand at an angle (which current-magnus would obviously hate), and the ‘witty banter’ remark about 3rd flashback-magnus, which could very well be genuine 

oh god oh christ the shot of the lost light flying away from the wreckage of the pod and you can see rewinds broken camera just floating there...fuckgin kill me bro

tg wiping off mangus’s leg because ‘he hates dirt’ tailgate ;_; ily 

drift just chillin with 0 legs left

augh poor tailgate, he’s uniquely unprepared for the horrors of battle after sitting out the whole war

oh god, chromedome is standing on the outside of the ship being sad, I already cant handle this

ohhhh god cd talking about him and rewind looking at the stars together ;_; excuse me while I cry my eyes out

chromedome, you have the worst goddamn coping mechanisms

never over rodimus’s office having flames around the door. my guy

magnus invented a font? that makes so much sense somehow

rodimus is worried about his dad :( 

damnnnnn rung with that absolutely BRUTAL read on rodimus, oof. way to kick someone when they're down...ouch

but really, rodimus’s hero complex is so fascinating, especially bc he’s aware that he has it to some degree, and he’s not necessarily a bad person, so he tries somewhat to avoid playing into it, but that's a difficult thing to do...

 brainstorm hugging his briefcase like that at the funeral...hhhh

swerve, the ‘case quest’ sounds like a spectacularly bad idea

god I'm so sad this whole issue but rodimus giving this big impassioned funeral speech that seems like its about rewind, only for it to REALLY be about some guy who turns into a tripod....really funny

godddd chromedome and brainstorm sitting together, and cd staring at his (remaining) hand....bro :(((

super interested in the fact that rodimus is religious, even though he’s not really overt about it, and it’s not touched on much in the story

rung staring intensely and accusingly at rodimus....jesus that's intimidating

chromedome is clearly uh. Not Coping well, which anyone could see after his “speech” about rewind

brainstorm giving cd that Look :( oh man oh god

GODDDDDDDD the reveal that chromedome has been through this THREE TIMES before, and every single time has chosen to forget, and the whole thing w/the innermost energon...im fucking devastated m8. god

hhhhh and brainstorm saying that he knows cd will go through with it, because they've had this same conversation multiple times before...fucking kill me 

also brainstorm and cd’s friendship is so AUGHHHHH my heart man. earlier on they're friendly assholes to each other but now we get to see that they both have a lot of deep emotions

oh god and now the whole thing with drift. hhhhhh this issue HURTS man

thinkin abt how brainstorm, while talking to cd, said that he thinks that drift ‘has the urge to name names’ but really, drift threw himself on the sword and took ALL the blame, even though cd even said, a lot of it was on him for going into the cell without telling anyone...plus brainstorm (and as we later find out, rodimus) is involved as well....AUGH

and drift being cast out so harshly seems rough, even though we know what he (and the others) did was bad

also looks like magnus is reanimating himself over in the medbay...i love all the symbolism with magnus’s hand this issue

OH GOD OH NO I CANT HANDLE THIS. REWINDS GOODBYE MESSAGE IS SERIOUSLY THE BIGGEST TEARJERKER IN THE STORY

‘you and me apart strikes me as intensely wrong’ I'm literally weeping. hello. I cant fucking handle this 

NOOOO GODDDD I seriously cant deal with rewinds message overlaid onto drift leaving the ship, and being attacked as he goes, and then ratchet helping him up with ‘you're a better person now - stubborn and frustrating but wonderful!’ over the panels AUGHHHH my heart cant handle any of this. my organs are shutting down as we speak

god I'm just ugly crying @ the end of the message.... ‘one more thing - one last thing - because I don't say it enough...I love you’ AUGHHHH

and its rewind himself who says the ‘I love you’ ;_; LOOK HOW HARD I CAN CRY!!!!!!!!!!!

and the panels of chromedome retracting his needles...he was ready to go through w/it just like brainstorm said but rewind was able to convince him otherwise from beyond the grave ;_; its about the LOVE man

like...rewind might not have known about cd’s past husbands and all the bad coping mechanism nonsense surrounding all that (or maybe he did? unclear) but either way, he knows chromedome so well by now, and knows that he’d be devastated by rewind dying, and so he leaves him this final message....additionally, I feel like rewind, being an archivist, would loathe the idea of being erased from the memory of the person who cares for him the most, and his goodbye message succeeded in preventing that

next, to give us a break from extreme emotional devastation brought about by gay robots, we check in with magnus, who has decided he’s had enough of all of this nonsense and has vacated the premise, somehow

aaaaand right back to being hit by a metaphorical emotional bat, because it looks like tailgate’s gonna die posthaste! 

I really love how the character profile descriptions change periodically

SO...this issue...this ARC....GODDDD. I mean its clear from my liveblogs that this destroyed me emotionally, phew....

I will say, I think the writing here is so excellent - this little 3-issue ‘arc’ felt like it had been built up to perfectly from the very beginning, and it all came together in a well-paced and devastating conclusion here 

I mean, this isn't the end of s1, we still have remain in light, but a lot of plot points wrapped up here. I don't know much about comics but I feel like they can get cancelled pretty fast, and idek how many issues mtmte was ‘guaranteed’ at this point, so I really commend jro & co for being able to construct such a fantastic story with a solid conclusion, while also setting up a bunch more plotlines for what would hopefully be future issues 

I will say. I'm super glad rewind ends up coming back, and also that things get a lot gayer soon, bc this would have been devastating to read in a whole different way if it was just a bad ole str8forward bury your gays situation 

but since it isn't, then I'm free to be extremely emotional about it, oof

I feel like I've articulate a lot of my thoughts already so ill end here and say: this slaps, cant wait to re-read more

[ancientbooshartifacts]

Deerest Howard

Author: The_Reverend

Year: 2010

Rating: G

Pairing: Howard Moon/Old Gregg, Howince

“Howard…”

It wasn’t just the way that Vince said his name, like he does when they’re neck-deep in some serious (albeit ridiculous) trouble about to collide head-on with even more serious (and ridiculous) trouble, it was also the look on Vince’s face as Howard stepped onto the landing and found Vince standing in the middle of the flat, eyes wide and mouth slack.

Howard was pretty sure someone’s must have died. Or Jagger had gone bald. Hard to tell with Vince.

“What is it, Vince? What’s happened?” Howard dropped his jazzercise bag and rushed across the room to grab Vince by the shoulders. “Have I gotten a call? Has someone… Is it my dad? Say something Vince!”

Vince swallowed, sort of half smiled. “Funny you should mention your dad, Howard…”

“Oh, no.” Howard cried, dropped his arms to his sides and sagged.

“Here,” Vince said, turning away from Howard’s Russian Sorrow to fetch something from the coffee table. He held it up.

It was a fish bowl.

“Look, Vince, I don’t have time for a game of Xooberonian Go Fish, alright. I haven’t even gotten the taste out of my mouth from last time, and besides, I’m a man in mourning!” Howard’s face crumpled. “Father!”

“Look, Howard, your dad’s not dead.”

“Oh. He isn’t? Why didn’t you say so?”

“Would you just hold your trumpets, you berk!” Vince snapped and shoved the fishbowl into Howard’s arms, then turned to fetch something else from the table. Howard looked into the bowl. It was a strange looking fish. A green fish with… pink fins? Was that a moustache? Did it just smile at him?

“Here,” Vince said, holding out a damp, crumpled, and stained sheet of paper. “This came with it.”

Howard took the letter, balancing the bowl in one hand. It was written in a wavy scrawl, in multiple colors.

Deerest Howard, my sweat man peech. You holde in your big, stronge hands the frute of our gloryus onion yunion. As soon as I squeezed him out of my gloweing mangyna, I decided he belonged with his fother, that’s you, my peech. I hope you can give him the lyfe I cant, in you’re big citty with you’re fansy lady wyfe, and rase our Younge Gregg up to live amonge the humens, like I never culd. Youll forgive the dampness of this letter, that’s just my salty teers, not teers of sadness but pane, as I’ve cut my fut on a broken bottle of Bailey’s. See, theirs some of my bludd their. You’res forevver, Olde Gregg Pee Ess: I got a mobyle now. Giv me a ringading if you neede any advice. I half to screene my calls, thou, so leave me a voycemale and I’ll get back to you. I’m Olde Gregg! Pee Ess Ess: Since you culdn’t be their for the berth, I made you a watercolour of the big event.

As if on cue, Vince handed him another, even more moist and wrinkled paper. Howard looked at it and frowned, then turned it sideways.

“I think it’s a close-up,” Vince offered.

Howard paled. “Oh God.”

“I know, it’s quite realistic!”

“No, Vince,” Howard said as he sat down heavily on the sofa, tossing the letter and painting aside, fish bowl still in his hand. “I don’t know how this could have happened.”

Vince sat next to him. “Oh, I bet you can figure it out.”

“I mean, we were…” Howard made a strange gesture with his free hand.

“Careful?” Vince suggested.

“Well I was certainly careful not to be murdered, but…”

“Maybe a bit overexcited?”

“Traumatized, more like.”

“Forgot a johnny, did you?”

“Oh God.”

“Look, it’s alright, Howard.” Vince rubbed his shoulder, “You’ll make a great dad. Well… a responsible dad, at least. He’ll be the safest, most organized kid in Shoreditch.”

Howard considered this. It would be nice to have someone to whom he could pass on his love of well organized stationery.

“And women love single fathers, Howard.”

“Yeah?”

“’Course. I mean… if that’s what you want.”

“But it’s not even a child, Vince, it’s more a pet, really.” Howard held up the bowl and looked at his son, daughter, fish. Brown eyes stared into black.

“No way, Howard, think of it like this, yeah? His mum, or whatever, was half human, you’re all human, he’s half you and, well… I ain’t really good at maths but I know that makes him a bit more human!”

Howard rubbed his chin, considering. He couldn’t do the math either.

“But I can’t raise a child on my own!”

Vince shrugged. “I could help.”

Howard made a strange face, “Yeah thanks, Vince. But you’ll get bored won’t you? You can’t take a child to a club, you know.”

“Get stuffed, I helped to raise baby animals in the jungle loads of times, plus you know I’m a gifted child. I could really get on well with the little guy. And anyway,” Vince leaned in to get a better look at Howard’s swimming offspring, “I think he’s well cute.”

Howard looked closer. It was… kind of cute… in a green, scaly, moustachioed way, “Yeah, I guess.”

“Takes after his dad,” Vince said, smiling, and Howard realized just how close their faces were, both of them peering into the bowl.

“Do you love me?”

“What?” Howard asked.

“I didn’t say anything,” Vince said.

“Do you love me? Daddy?”

“Howard, I think…”

“Oh dear.”

________

There isn't much to do at first. Keep his bowl clean, give him fish flakes a few times a day, keep Vince from giving him sweets (and pretend not to see at least one or two of the times when he does), and talk to him. Life's never been very simple for Howard, even if there is a simple truth to him as a man. He knows not everyone visits other planets and lives with talking apes. But it somehow doesn't make it any less strange the first time he talks to his son. Gregg's vocabulary is simple at first, consisting mostly of the phrase "do you love me" and "mmm, creamy" and various Parliament lyrics, so that the first time Howard nervously asks Gregg "hey, where you from?" Gregg offers to lick his funky soul. But he's a clever little tadpole, seeming to grow and mature so much faster than normal--that is, less special children, so that it's not long before Gregg is responding in more usual childlike babble, repeating phrases even if he doesn't understand them. Vince helps as well. And if Young Gregg says "yeah?" and "genius!" a little more than Howard would like, he's not going to complain. Vince actually spends a lot of time with Gregg, to Howard's surprise, sits at the sales counter much of the day, Gregg's bowl on the counter next to him, reading Cheekbone aloud in a slow, careful way, pressing pictures against the glass for Gregg to see while he comments on trending fashions that are well out as soon as the pages are printed.

________

Some evenings he'll sit on the sofa with Gregg in his bowl on the end table, and read Charlie books, or turn on the telly and show him music videos until Howard comes along and makes them watch a documentary on bees or Uruaguay. Vince groans at this, but stays and watches them too. They learned quite quickly, thanks to Gregg’s frantic splashing and wailing, not to watch ones about sharks or octopi. At night Gregg sleeps in his bowl on Howard's bedside table. He doesn't sleep well. It's the biggest problem they've had with him. Howard will often wake to his tiny, watery whimpering to find Gregg, visible in the glow of the night light they bought just for him, staring down at him with a reasonable facsimile of Howard’s own beady-eyed misery. "What's wrong, little man," Howard will say, and touch Gregg's bowl, and sit up and speak low and quiet to him, trying not to wake Vince across the room, until Gregg settles again. He gets most of his sleep during the day, when Howard and Vince are both up and about and bustling around. “I’m really worried about him, Vince,” Howard says one morning as he shaves, quiet so as not to wake Gregg, asleep now that it’s morning and the house is awake. Vince stands in the doorway in pants and socks and a tee, twisting his toe into the carpet. “Me, too,” he says. Howard looks at him in the mirror. There’s genuine concern on his pointy face. At any other time, any other subject, it would be comical, what with Vince’s hair all askew as he bites his lip, eyes wide and downturned.

“Really?” Howard asks. “’Course,” Vince sounds offended, “poor little guy. I remember what it was like, awake all night in the jungle when Brian was on tour and Jahooli was visiting his sister in Somerset. I couldn’t sleep, all alone in the treehouse, monkeys chattering outside the windows, the wind whistling through the bus tickets. Augh, it was a nightmare, Howard!” “Well this is hardly the jungle is it? Or a cave beneath a lake. It’s safe here. He’s completely safe.” “Yeah but he might not know that. Something’s wrong, Howard, the way he cries like that. It’s well heartbreaking.” Howard nods, rinses his face and dries it with a towel before he turns to Vince. “Wait a minute, how do you know what it sounds like? You sleep through it.” “As if I could!” Vince’s says, voice high but still soft, face full of concern, not irritation at being woken as Howard might expect. “I wake up every time, I hear you cooing and calming him. It’s quite sweet really.” He looks down. “Only, I don’t get out of bed ‘cause… I just reckon, you know, it ain’t my place.” Howard feels a swell of affection for Vince, frowning at his own socked feet, arms crossed defensively, concerned for someone besides himself. “Of course it is, Vince,” he says, putting a hand to Vince’s shoulder and squeezing when Vince looks up at him, blue eyes wide and soft, and Howard means to say something meaningful and encouraging, but then he realizes his hand is still on Vince’s shoulder, and instead he mumbles about tea and brushes past him in the doorway. ________ Gregg is awake by breakfast and swimming laps in his little bowl where it sits on the kitchen table. He and Vince seem to be in some secret confidence, Vince eyeing Howard over his shoulder when he thinks he’s not looking, and Gregg flitting from one side of his bowl to the other, alternately communicating with Vince in some wordless, child-fish way, then back to the other side to watch Howard’s back. Howard pretends not to notice, either being watched or their real goal, to feed Gregg bits of syrup-soaked pancakes. He whistles while he cooks, adding fishy puree to a small cup of batter. Bollo eyes Gregg’s bowl warily when an overexcited Gregg splashes water onto the table. “Bollo not think that sanitary,” he says. “You’re not sanitary, you grumpy monkey,” Naboo says, then flashes Vince a far-off but reassuring smile before he goes back to reading the Shaman Daily. “Bollo not see why Harold’s fish so special.” “Because he’s not my fish, Bollo,” Howard says defensively, pointing at Bollo with a rather dangerous looking spatula. “He’s my son. And I’ll thank you to refer to him that way!” “Him fishy freak.” “Oi!” “Whoa there!” “Alright, you prick!” Howard’s glad to have the rest of the house to back him up, but the combined outburst is loud and sudden, and in the silence that follows there’s a tiny noise, a sniffle, a whimper, and by the time they’ve all turned to look at the little bowl on the table, the fish-child within it, Gregg’s cries have started in earnest, loud and wobbly, bubbling up out of the water in great sobs. “You’ve frightened him!” Vince says to Bollo, screwing his face up in his best cockney snarl. “Not Bollo,” Bollo says, “you ballbags.” “I’ll have you, you... Christ I can’t even get my cockney bitch on.” Vince says, suddenly more miserable than angry. “Howard, fix him!” Howard picks up Gregg’s bowl and peers inside, his face big in the glass. “C’mon, little man, it’s okay.” “You’re just gonna scare ‘im more like that,” Naboo suggests. “I got somewhat could calm him down.” “No!” Howard and Vince shout in unison, upsetting Gregg further. “Oh, Howard… why’s he crying? I can’t stand it. Makes my heart all squeezy.” “He’s only startled, Vince. It’ll pass.” But Howard doesn’t feel as sure as he sounds. “Here, Howard, try this!” Vince says, trotting softly but quickly to the stereo and rifling through albums. “What are you doing?” Vince drops a record on the turntable. “Bowie, yeah?" Howard shakes his head. "How's that going to help? Wouldn't he prefer Parliament or Rick James, all things considered? Or maybe Coltrane?" "No way, Howard. He's got to have some awful associations with funk by now. And no one needs jazz. You want to kick him while he's down? But Bowie always mellows me out. And he loves it, we listened to it the other day, he did flips out of his bowl, it was genius!” “He can do flips?” “Yeah, you were down in the shop, it was that day I took off for personal hair reasons. We touched up my roots and listened to ‘Space Oddity’ on repeat.” “He can do flips?” “Look, just… everybody quiet, alright?” Howard looks down at the bowl in his hand, feeling helpless as Gregg looks up at him, eyes wide and pitiful, crying endlessly. The music starts, quiet and slow, and Gregg just continues to cry, gulping in little mouthfuls of water now and then. It’s difficult to watch. Howard didn’t think it was possible to feel so miserable. Suddenly there’s a ripple on the water that shouldn’t be there, and Howard is surprised to find his cheeks wet with his own tears. He quickly wipes them away and holds Gregg’s bowl out so there aren’t any more mishaps like with the koi carp. “How’s he doin’?” Vince asks, stepping closer. “Oh, well,” Howard looks and, to his surprise, Gregg’s stopped crying. He’s only frowning. But soon he’s waving his little tail and pushing himself along in time, and before the song’s over Howard gets to see him do a flip, fishy mouth grinning wide as he arcs gracefully and splashes neatly back into the bowl. Howard beams. Gregg smiles up at him. And Vince kisses his cheek. If Vince notices the salty taste of dried tears, he doesn’t mention it. _____ That night when Howard wakes once again to soft, watery cries, Vince is already padding lightly across the room. “He alright?” Vince asks, face drawn and sleepy in the dim glow of the night light. He sits on the edge of Howard’s bed and rubs at his eyes. Howard pushes himself up onto an elbow to check on Gregg who’s still sniffling but no longer whimpering. Vince leans in and smiles at him and Gregg presses his face against the glass and smiles back, then goes about his business of lazy night-swimming. Howard watches the affectionate exchange. “It’s you,” he says when Vince turns to him, smiling still, although it slips when Vince asks what he means. “You’re why he cries. I mean, because he wants you.” He pushes himself up in bed. “That’s not true, Howard, he just—“ Vince tries to argue but Howard knows there’s isn’t any denying it. “Howard…” He says softly. “It’s alright, Vince. Everyone loves you, don’t apologize for it.” “What, everyone?” Vince asks with a suggestive smirk but Howard ignores it, watching his hands, dark against the pale sheets. “I don’t think I’m right for this, Vince. Maybe I’m not meant to be a father. I didn’t even know he could do flips! Maybe… maybe he’d have been better off with his moth—with Gregg.” Vince scoffs. “I know that ain’t true.” “Look,” Howard says, breathing heavily, “you take him alright, let him sleep with you.” Vince draws back a bit, as if Howard has suggested he take tuba lessons. “No way, I won’t do that! He belongs with you, Howard, you’re a great dad. He’s just, you know, well I spend a lot of time with him, yeah? I’m more like a mate. Maybe—“ “Just take him, Vince.” Howard reaches out and picks up Gregg’s bowl, pushes it into Vince’s chest so that he has no choice but to take it. “Howard…” Vince looks miserable. Looking at him, brows drawn in concern, holding the familiar bowl, Howard feels almost like he did that morning. “Please,” he says, and waits for Vince to argue. When he doesn’t, Howard slides back down beneath the sheets, and turns over onto his side, his back to Vince and his son. After a moment he feels the bed shift, feels Vince stand and hears him walk across the room. The gentle sound of the Gregg’s bowl being sat on Vince’s bedside table is as loud as a shot in his heart. He’d been wrong. It is possible to feel more miserable. He tries to sleep. He can’t of course. So he’s awake when the sniffling begins again. “Howard,” Vince says as he taps Howard’s shoulder, standing beside his bed, Gregg’s bowl in hand. “What’s wrong Vince?” But he already knows. “It ain’t me, Howard. I think…” Vince places the bowl back where it belongs, next to Howard’s bed, and Howard turns to watch even as Vince sits again. As before, Gregg quickly quiets and settles, watching them through the glass. Howard looks up at Vince, astonished. Vince smiles softly. “I think it’s both of us, Howard.” Before Howard knows he’s doing it, he hears himself laughing quietly. “Shift a bit?” Vince asks and Howard does, allowing Vince to crawl in bed beside him. “Just…” Howard says. “I know!” Vince whispers with his hands raised in the universal gesture of ‘I won’t touch you!’ They’re almost asleep when something occurs to Howard. “Maybe you’re not so much a mate,” he says, “more like… a step dad?” “Step mum?” Vince suggests in a sleepy slur and Howard agrees with an amused hum. _________ In the morning Howard wakes beneath a pile of Vince, and Gregg’s so hard and fast asleep he’s practically floating. Howard has to tap the bowl to stop himself panicking, watches as Gregg twitches and swims a bit, still asleep. Howard sighs in relief, then settles back down against the bed and, in defiance of all his own rules of timeliness and efficiency, tucks in for a bit more sleep. At breakfast Vince whispers into the bowl, breath rippling the water as Gregg nods with childish glee. Howard watches. He’s not sure it’s possible to be more happy. Bollo lumbers in, shoulders drooping, clearly feeling the glares of the others as he sits at the table. "Morning, Bollo," Howard says as he sips his tea, hoping to dispel the tension. Bollo hangs his head when Naboo glares at him. "Bollo sorry he insult Howard's fish-- er, son," he corrects when Naboo kicks his hairy shin with a curly shoe. "Him not fishy freak. Well, maybe him fishy freak, but Bollo talking ape. Live in stone house. Throw glass." "Thanks, Bollo," Howard says. "Go on, then," Vince is whispering to Gregg who shyly swims to face Bollo's end of the table. He opens his little red lips as if to speak, but only bubbles come out. He looks at Vince for approval. "S'alright, he deserves it." "Vince, what--" but Howard is interrupted by Gregg's excited, watery voice. "Uncle Bollo is a monkey idiot!" "Vince! Gregg!" Howard cries. Vince only laughs and Gregg joins him, swimming circles around his bowl. Naboo grins, although it's not really any different from the expression he's been wearing all morning. "Sorry, Bollo," Howard says, but Bollo's too busy watching Gregg's antics with surprised affection. "Bollo always wanted to be uncle. Not in creepy way. Bollo teach him ways of the jungle. And DJ skills." "I was thinking I might share a few Shaman secrets with him, bit of basic magic. Potions, yeah? He could be my apprentice." "No way, he's going to be the first hybrid merman popstar! My glam rock protégé! Right, Howard? Howard?" But Howard's too busy smiling his unsettling smile at the group gathered around the breakfast table, heart fit to burst like a trumpet blast, surrounded by this unlikely group that is apparently, illogically, his family.

[dylanobrienisbatman]

I saw you were a nickjune shipper, so i thought i'd ask you the question/questions going around!! 1.) What’s your favorite Nick & June scene? 2.) Which scene between them did you find most heartbreaking? 3.) Other than Nick or June, who is your favorite character on the show?

This has been sitting in my ask box for ages, but im finally ready to answer it!! (mostly because i kept kind of forgetting, sorry anon lol) 

1 - Favourite Nick June Scene 

There are so many scene between them that i LOVED, but i think I have a couple favourites that I can’t pick between. 

The scene in season 1 where she actually tells Nick her name is one of my favourites of the whole series, not just between them. I think its such a meaningful moment for her to just be breaking down and so angry at the whole world and Nick is trying to be there for her and he calls her offred and she just cant take it anymore and angrily tells him not too, but what else could he call her? He has no idea what her real name is, but he can’t just call her nothing? It’s so heartbreakingly real between them in that moment. And then when he learns her real name, and he doesn’t just call her by her name, but he says ‘nice to meet you, June’. Because this is the moment when he truly meets the real her? AMAZING. (Gif by @skyshipper)

The second scene is the scene in the season 2 finale, when June is getting pushed to escape by Rita. She has little Holly/Nicole in her arms, and she’s got a chance to get out, but she just stops, and sees Nick out of the window, and almost waits for him. Like she loves him, so so much. They have a child together, a family. She knows she has to get out. She knows she needs to save herself and her child from this horrible world they’re trapped in. But she needs to know that it’s okay for her to get out without him. She needs to know that taking their child away is okay. That maybe never ever seeing him again is okay. And then he just looks at her, and you can see the love he has. He loves her SO very much. And he just… nods. Because he knows that she is worried that leaving him, about taking his daughter from him, not because she needs his permission but because she loves him and doesn’t want to be without him. It’s so beautiful and moving and my heart just broke. (Gif by @pegsccarter) 

Them holding their baby together. Augh. The saddesst, most beautiful, loveliest moment on the whole show. Just standing there together, Nick finally really getting to meet his daughter, June finally telling him she loved him? My whole world was a mess during that scene. I was sobbing. Nick just softly talking to his little girl, June telling little Holly that this is her father. Not Fred, the horrible man who had taken her from her real parents, but Nick. This kind, good hearted soul, who protected June, and loved June, who tried to help June get free, this man is Hollys real father. They got to be a family, for just a brief little warm moment, in a small little bubble, and it was so beautiful.

The scene where Nick finds June in the rain. Seems like a weird choice, but it’s such a powerful moment for them. She has resigned herself to letting their baby die, letting herself die. She is outside, in the cold, she’s been bleeding for days, and somehow, the universe lets Nick find her. Nick saves her, and in doing so saves their child. Their child who was strong enough even then to survive this, when most babies would have been long lost to it. Nick finds his little family, broken and almost doomed, and saves them, and in doing so he gives June the strength to keep fighting. So sad, but also such a strong moment between them. (Gif by @pegsccarter)

2 - The most heartbreaking scene (Again i couldn’t pick just one haha) [Also, why are half of the heartbreaking moments between them also the happiest ones? Gosh this show is distressing and beautiful]

The most heartbreaking scene between them, for me, was probably the scene where she just broke down outside after Hannah left, and he just held her. I feel like its a pretty obvious one, but gosh watching her loose Hannah again, and then knowing that Nick is the only person in the whole world who is there for her anymore. Her fellow handmaids are there, but they can’t protect her. They can’t do anything more than she can. Rita is there for her, but she can only do so much. But Nick, Nick loves her, and she loves him, and he holds her while she goes through the worst loss of her life for the second time. It’s devastating and such a strong moment between them.

Another for me was when Nick told her about seeing Luke. It’s such a happy moment for June, and such a devastating moment for Nick, and that moment for me really proved to me that Nick was the perfect man for June. He didn’t have to tell her that Luke said he loved her. He could have said nothing. He could have only told her about Moira, or just about the letters, but he told her about Luke. He told her about the husband she lost, who she knew was alive, but probably always wondered how true it was. She hadn’t heard it from anyone who she really knew she could trust, and now she knows. And then he told her he loved her, and in that moment he gave her so much hope, on so many different levels. Hope for her own escape, hope to find her family again, and the hope that comes with finding love in such darkness and loss. 

This scene was really beautiful but also just super sad for me because it was such a moment of like, hope mingled with clear understanding that its so unattainable. The two of them, talking about the future they want to have with their baby, on a beach, naming her what they wanted, holding her close and raising her to be the person they hoped she would be. It’s a fantasy, which they know is so unreachable, and its such a soft and warm happy moment between them but its just… laced with so much sadness. Augh. 

The scene where Nick finds out June is pregnant is also so very sad. This moment between them should be so happy, especially in a world where having children is so rare. They aren’t quite ‘in love’ yet, but they are well on their way, especially Nick I think, but this moment between them is so ripe with just agony. They will probably never get to know their child. They wont get to raise their baby. They wont get to name their child, or hold them, or be their parent. Nick might get to spend his life watching her grow up, but June will be sent away to another family, and their baby will never get to know her, and even if the baby does know Nick, he will always just be their driver. He will just be… the guardian in their home. He wont get to be their father, and June wont get to be their mother. Its so devastating, and yet so full of joy somehow. In that moment, surrounded by the most horrible things in the world, they get one small moment where they get to just live, for a moment, in this warm little moment where they realise they made a life together. 

3 - Favourite Character other than Nick/June 

Again i feel like I should do a top (#) because its so hard to pick. 

I love Rita. I didn’t really feel a lot for her in the early bits of the first season, because she wasn’t really given a lot to do, but as time went on, her righteous indignation at everything in her life in Gilead was just brilliant. She had so many amazing moments all through and I love her a lot. Her moments with June after Eden’s death were devastating. Her guilt at how she treated this girl, when she had no real reason to feel that way. They were all trapped in this horrible place, no one could ever blame her for being unwilling to try and be warm with Eden, but that moment of just pure human grief and guilt was so sad. And then all of her many moments with June and Nick, gosh i love Rita. She just wanted to keep June and Holly safe at any cost. She’s such a badass. 

MOIRA. Gosh Moira. Resigned to the life as a handmaid, forced to be grateful for her status, like Emily, because she’s a gender traitor and should be glad she didn’t die? And then forced to work as a prostitute for the vile men of Gilead, who subjugate women and created this religious community and then violate all of the tenements of their world because they have the privilege, the wealth and the power and the gender to do so. She gets out. She gets free. And shes so close to giving up. She so close to just resigning herself to this life of loss and sadness, but then she gets to help. She gets to stand up to her abusers. She gets to be with Luke, who is the closest thing she has to family. Moira got away from the horrors of Gilead, and is going to get to help bring it down from the outside. Gosh I love Moira.

Emily is one of my favourite characters, especially into season 2 when we learned more about her backstory. She has such a strong soul, and so much ANGER inside her. I have such a huge place in my heart where I hold angry women, and Emily just fell right into that spot. She became a handmaid, and she was meant to be be grateful? Because as a lesbian she was lucky they didn’t kill her? She was meant to be grateful that her status as a fertile woman saved her life, separated her from her wife and son, and resigned her to a life of being raped and used as a broodmare? Instead she fought back. She killed people for her right to be a human being. She refused to go quietly to her doom. She stabbed Lydia in the back because her life was worth more. And now she gets to be free. 

Alma. I wish we had more like, character building for her, but I really love her. Anytime she shows up I’m just thrilled to see her. She’s so strong, so beautifully resilient. She has been with June since the beginning of Gilead, and I’m so glad she still gets to be around and be a part of this resistance. I love love love Alma. I hope she gets out, I hope she gets free. She deserves more than this life. They all do. 

[toskits]

Hot Springs (Tales of Berseria)

Comforting Katz: You found me! Thank you so much, meow! Comforting Katz: To show you my catitude, I’d like to invite you to a nice, soothing bathhouse I found, meow! Velvet: A bathhouse? Comforting Katz: Yep! The Super Spa! One dip in their baths and you’ll feel as good as mew, inside and out! Comforting Katz: Speaking from experience, I can promise you its so amazingly purrfect, your soul will leave your body! Velvet: Super Spa, is it?…. Wait, is that why we’ve been lugging around all these Katz Towels?! Comforting Katz: You got it, meow! Velvet: Its… not a mixed bath or anything, right? Comforting Katz: No need to worry, meow! Men and women both have their own dedicated baths. Velvet: If you insist… I could definitely stand to unwind after so much fighting. Magilou: Mmhm. I’m positively tingling with anticipation! Eizen: You know, it might be nice to have some serious bonding time before the final battle. Laphicet: Actually, I’ve never been to a bath house before… Eleanor: Oh, you’re in for a treat. That steam will have your skin silky smooth. Rokurou: And there’s nothing like a good drink after a hot bath. Comforting Katz: This Gate of Travel will take you there straight away. Feel free to use it anytime, meow!

(Eleanor walks in and sits.) Magilou: Aaaah… You know, I’m pretty okay with this. Eleanor: Ill second that. This feels really nice. Velvet: (smiling and sinking in)Yeah… Its like I can feel my soul just floating off with the steam. (Screen Fades to the Men’s Side) Eleanor(Rokurou): Aaah… It feels like all my wounds are melting away. Magilou(Eizen): I’ll say. The water is just the right temperature. Soothes all the important places. Velvet(Laphicet): (Shocked) Wait, what… What the hell? Eleanor(Rokurou): Don’t splash the water around, Velvet! That’s totally bad manners! Velvet(Laphicet): I cant help it. My legs don’t reach the bottom… Velvet(Laphicet): (Shocked, Standing up) Wait… Am I in Phi’s body?! Eleanor(Rokurou): (Shocked) Augh, and I’m inside Rokurou! Eww, look at these muscles! Magilou(Eizen): (Standing up) Heh, I’m actually as tall as I always wished I was! What the Devils going on in here?! Katz(Bienfu): This is what makes this place so special, meow. Katz(Bienfu): You feel so purrfectly divine that your soul floats away and switches bodies with someone else, meow! Magilou(Eizen): Sheesh… Looks like even Bienfu and the Katz have swapped bodies. Eleanor(Rokurou): (Revelation) Wait… does that mean that the men are now in our bodies?! (Screen Fades to the Women’s Side / Magilou, the great sorceress Fades in) Rokurou(Eleanor): (Frowning) Well. This place certainly wasted no time in getting weird or awkward. Laphicet(Velvet): (Embarrassed) U-Uh… I’m not really comfortable with this. What do we do? I feel like I’ve got an inner tube strapped to my chest. Rokurou(Eleanor): Eizen, is this another side-effect of your curse? Eizen(Magilou): As if the Reapers Curse would do something so ridiculous. It’s probably just that Katz playing a prank on us. Laphicet(Velvet): I’m amazed that you can stay so calm despite all of this, Eizen. Eizen(Magilou): Hah, this doesn’t bother me in the least. Eizen(Magilou): My sister and I used to take baths together when we were kids. Laphicet(Velvet): I suppose that… makes sense…. Rokurou(Eleanor): … Well, we might as well enjoy ourselves. The water here does feel quite nice. Eleanor(Rokurou): Rokurou, you letch! Cover your eyes this instant! (Magilou is air punching in the air.) Rokurou(Eleanor): Fine, fine. No need to shout, Eleanor. Though I have to say, your body is nicely agile. Rokurou(Eleanor): Though your butt is a bit bulky. Eleanor(Rokurou): (Shocked) Hey! Keep my hands to yourself!(Stands up) Velvet(Laphicet): (Blushing and looking away)E-Eleanor! Don’t stand up! (After a short awkward silence, Eleanor sit back down) Eizen(Magilou): Hey, Katz! We better not be stuck like this forever! Katz(Bienfu): No need for confurn, meow. You’ll all go back to normal once you leave the spring. Velvet(Laphicet): Right then, everybody out. This is just too weird to be relaxing. Eleanor(Rokurou): Actually, before we go… I’ve noticed the Katz’s been staring at us for pretty much the entire time. (Katz eyes are wide open, staring.) Velvet(Laphicet): …Yeah, that’s Bienfu. Smack him for me. Rokurou(Eleanor): Got it. Bienfu(Katz): Bieeeeeen!(Music Fades out)

Rokurou: (Disappointed)Thats too bad… It was such a lovely hot spring. I wish we could have stayed a little longer. Eleanor: (Blushing/Angrily) No, you really don’t. Lets all agree to forget this ever happened. Eizen: (Deadpan expressions from Rokurou,slightly sweating)…How do you expect us to do that? Rokurou: Don’t go asking for things we cant actually do. Eleanor: (Blushing/Angrily) I SAID FORGET IT! Rokurou: If you insist… I-Ill try. Eizen: Uh… Fine… Magilou: (Deadpan)Yeesh… So much for a nice team-building exercise! I feel like this has just driven a wedge further between us.

Velvet: I heard you kept your eyes covered the whole time. Laphicet: Y-Yeah, I did…. Velvet: (smiling)Hah. Thats so you. Laphicet: (Embarrassed)Whats the problem? I was just trying to be polite! Velvet: Its fine. Theres no problem. Velvet: (smiling)But I didn’t cover mine… Laphicet: (Blushing) Ah… Laphicet: (Blushing/Angrily) Argh! Velvet! Why would you even tell me that?!

[feathermoon2002]

Senior quote list pt. 1

•jesus said chill

•i launched the book

•i eat cereal with cereal

•slorp slorp

•they put two chicken nuggets on my bun

•all i want is choclate pudding

•i refuse to have your mustaches

•do you wanna hear my tragic anime backstory

•i demand that my thoughts be gone

•im the spaghetti

•you must be at least a level 7 friend to unlock my tragic anime backstory

•you're a furry.    no furries are disgusting.

•you dont have to be spanish to speak Spanish KATIE

•look, what kind of crime did i commit to deserve this exposure

•pretty soon the birds will a w a k e n and s c r e a m

•the birds have started s c r e a m i n g

•what's better than being ice cold? Being accepted by society

•tHERES A VULTURE, GO, THIS IS NOT YOUR LAAANNNDD

•guys this is serious i don't have autocorrect in my brain

•gender roles? whats that? it sounds like a horrible idea

•axolotl, more like axolotlittle

•SQUAAAAAWWW

•This is giving me ideas. TOBY NO

•Straight men dont wear crop tops

•help im in the crotch area of the lion

•finish the furries

•Why are lions so fluffy? Because they go PUFF. yes please

•i dont like coloring in tiny toe beans

•i love yellow! Can i color it blue?

•adolf titler

•im gonna tell grandpa salami u were talking trash

•did you eat? Yeah i ate this morning. well now its night

•guys what if i just light the match and- NO!

•i know what chicken means

•no lauren, that illegal

•please tell me you've eaten a hamburger. I have. Oh thank god. i thought i was gonna have to pray to jesus for you. JESUS IS ALWAYS NEEDED

•i dont cry but when i do its because of micheal jackson

•speaking of memes    how about we dont

•looking at your yearbook photo "yuca"

•*mockingly* "order the beef empanadas" what do you think im capable of

•isnt that theft?     isnt that a federal offense

•i was startled, okay? arent i allowed to startled

•i forgot how to spell "exercise"     you're an idiot

•don't be a transphobe, Chad

•im not gonna argue cause i dont know

•are you a privilege?      oh no, did i offend you

•english is a terrible english

•be free, Jeremy

•what is that? necrophilia??

•B R O T H E R S F I G H T

•be gone, you squaw

•the suffering frog has returned

•a gaggle of gays

•cant i put ramen in my egg? WAIT NO

•*whispers* piggly wiggly *yells* I LOVE PIGGLY WIGGLY

•eat real food

•suicide causes death

•dont die on Tuesday

•hey are you done with the bathroom? yeah i just have to wash my teeth. ....wash your teeth?? yeah! Wait..no

•whoever doesnt like lemon cookies is a nazi

•i cant spell sqak. squak. squack. sqacckk. sqwack. squawk.

•im going to bed.   its noon????     ...time doesnt exist. it isn't real.

•Augh what are you?! i want back to the furries and...

•he'll just be eating salad and a hand falls into his soup

• hey toby, are you a ficus? No im a fern. a strong, empowered fern.

•munchstache

•you ugly fetus

•there are wolves in here, lets not

•snape? more like dead mate.

•#land. wait. no. stop.

•hairline howard

•whats in the box? Stuff. go fuckin kill Klarg.

•okay guys, have fun, bring me back his head!

•meemaw- YEEMIC ITS YEEMIC

•the voice of god yelled his name YEEMIC

•you threw my dog in the fire! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

•MY GRANDMA SAYS I LOOK LIKE A GRANDMA

•i wish to devour the unborn

•What you egg? First Murderer: stabbing him Young fry of treachery

•is islam a country?

•are vegans giraffe

•she needs to be deleted

•hey i might be sick.      you're not allowed.

•you guys werent supposed to die in this room

•i can smell the atoms bonding

•hi my name is magic brian

•i don't know if ghosts can be startled

• *someone pulls out a ouji board* Oh hell no, get that white people horror movie shit away from me

•choclate milk titty baby

•go home charles, youre drunk

•im gonna repopulate Chernobyl with idiots.

•whatever! i am teaching father the math!

•i tried to sit up and immediately regret being born

•eyebrows are eyelashes for eyelashes

•theres now worse than wet socks

• can you guys stop yelling, im trying to listen to Taylor swift -Ryan Hayggins