#audry hope

[alaffy]

Gossip Girl, Ep.2x04 - One Flew Over the Cuckoo Nest  (Spoilers)

Well, I wasn't expecting that ending with Grace.  

Another thing that is shocking is that I think I'm actually enjoying the series now.  I don't know if they got some new writers or they decided to...I'm just not sure what has changed but something clearly has changed in the writing and it's made the show fun.

So, this episode is based around the idea of secrets and Valentine's Day and love and all this wonderful BS.  And all of the stories will converge at this party Monet is holding on a ship.  Honestly, if there’s one thing I have to nitpick about this season so far is that, for some reason, three of the four episodes have had a very similar third act; in that there’s a big event that everyone somehow manages to attend and all the drama just happens to happen right at that moment.  Not everything has to finish at the same time or even in the same episode people.  Anyway, the excuse to get this to work is that Monet’s popularity isn’t as big as she wants.  Luna points out it’s because people don’t love her as much as they loved Julien.  In order to get people to love her, Monet has to invite more than the VIPs to the party.  Which means that, somehow, everyone gets invited.

But this episode is all about the secrets that people hide from their loved ones.  Kate happens to see Mr. De Haan in the company of another woman.  Kate tries to let Camille know about his infidelity, but Camille stops her from speaking and threatens her job if this ends up on Gossip Girl.  But it isn’t just Kate who believes that Mr. De Haan is cheating, Monet believes it as well.  Meanwhile, Julien accidentally does find out that Grace is cheating on Obie.  However, Julien can’t figure out how to tell Obie in a way that makes him believe her.  At the same time, Max and Audry think that Aki is cheating on them as he seems to be avoiding them.  As for Nick, well he’s not cheating on anyone, but he is lying to his daughter and Julien.  Shane knows this but isn’t sure how to tell Zoya the truth.

I’m just going to get Max, Audry, and Aki out of the way here.  Honestly, it was pretty easy to tell where this story was going and I don’t want to spend much time on it.  Max and Audry, as they can’t get answers from Aki, decided to spy on him and everything they see makes it seem like he’s cheating on them with a classmate.  In the end, when they confront him and the classmate, they find out that Aki is nervous as he has not been in a sexual relationship with another man before and basically went to this other classmate for advice.  Yes, Aki is hurt, but they all talk it out and everything is fine in the end.  

As for everyone else...Zoya and her father are now on speaking terms.  However, things have gotten rocky between Zoya and Shan.  Zoya can tells something is off with Shan but isn’t sure what and she isn’t sure she wants to hang out with Shan anymore (to be clear, it’s also because Shan really is pushing the whole Nick is lying thing, but not really giving any explanation why).  Nick suggests inviting Shan to this spa day that all the other girls are going to (because we have to get all of them in a room together somehow) and Zoya agrees.

Julien also has invited Grace to the spa day.  The reason for this is that she’s hoping to get Grace to “see the errors of her ways” and agree to confess to Obie that she’s been seeing someone else.  Of course, this doesn’t work, and Grace makes it clear that Julien doesn’t have a leg to stand on because Obie will never believe her.  

It is also at this moment that Gossip Girl releases a cryptic post about what she will release on Valentine’s Day.  Monet texts Gossip Girl and straight up asks if it’s about her father.  Kate, surprisingly, decides to confirm this to Monet.  Monet then asks if Gossip Girl knows who the person is.  Kate sends her a picture of the two and Monet realizes she knows the woman.  Monet decides she’s going to out her father and invites the woman to the party.

Monet and Grace decided to relax with some cucumber slices over their eyes.  These slices must be laced with something because it made sure that neither of them noticed several people walking by, taking their phones off their chairs, and using them to text people to come to the party.  Or, to be more specific, Shan uses Monet’s phone to text a guy that Monet knows and Zoya likes and asks him to the party.  Julien uses Grace’s phone to text Grace’s boyfriend and Grace’s mother and brother to come to the party.  Finally, Luna uses Monet’s phone to send Monet’s minions on some fool’s errand, so they won’t be at the party.  

Oh, and to make sure everyone is there, Zoya brings Nick as he wants to make sure what kind of party it is before allowing Zoya to stay.  Mike and Kate will also be there as they have this sort of anti-valentine thing going on and what’s more disturbing than crashing a student’s party?  And I had such high hopes for you Mike....

But now it’s time for the third act dumpster fire.  Julien arrives with Grace’s boyfriend as her date.  Obie realizes that he’s seen the guy before.  But it’s not what everyone thinks.  Grace’s boyfriend was at a protest where he spit on Grace’s mother and so Obie thinks Julien brought him there to upset Grace (well, she did, but....).  Julien isn’t done yet and tries to make Grace snap.  She does so by dancing suggestively with the boyfriend near Grace.  A fight does start to break out, though it’s because of the boyfriend, when Grace’s mother and brother arrive.  Grace’s mother immediately realizes that Grace’s boyfriend is there and tells Grace she told her to break up with him.  Grace lies and says she did.  However, Luna shows evidence that Grace was at a local resort when she said she was with her mother.  Except, this is news to the boyfriend because he also thought she was on the campaign trail with her mother.  The mother realizes that she paid for a room at the same resort for the brother at the exact same time.  At which point, and I cannot believe she said this in public, the mother says, “you two promised this would stop.”  It turns out that Grace’s real lover is her brother.  So, yeah, this is the end of Grace.

Of course, this also doesn’t turn out the way Julien hoped as Obie is upset with her.  Now this is going to be a rarity but....I’m actually on Obie’s side here.  While I understand that Julien wanted to make sure that Grace could no longer lie to everyone, she let this go too far.  Or rather, she became so obsessed with outing Grace, she didn’t consider what it would do to Obie.  Obie deserved to know the truth, but by doing it in such a public manner didn’t just humiliate Grace, it humiliated Obie as well.  And this clearly is going to affect Obie.

Now, the next two stories are sort of interwoven.  Shan is surprised that Zoya has brought her father.  This leads to an argument between Zoya and Shan, with Zoya making it clear that she no longer will tolerate Shan getting involved in family affairs (which, fair, as Zoya has no idea why Shan is so upset and Shan’s behavior has made things worse).  Meanwhile, Monet is looking for the woman she thinks is having an affair with her father.  Monet spies the woman going upstairs and goes to follow; only to be blocked by the guy Zoya has a crush on.  Monet immediately knows that she didn’t ask him to the party, but Shan walks by and pulls the guy aside.  Monet, of course, is more interested in dealing with her own issues and goes upstairs.  And, as Kate has seen the whole thing, she also goes upstairs.

Of course, Mr. De Haan is surprised and upset that the woman is at the party.  Monet confesses that she invited her and accuses her father of having an affair.  However, Camille drops a bombshell; the father is not having an affair as the woman is with both of them...sort of.  And by sort of is that, while Monet tries to find out exactly what that means, Camille points out that Camille never had the luxury of living her life as open as Monet has been able to (which, let’s be honest, is most likely true).  Nor does she feel like she owes her daughter an explanation.  Which....yes and no.  Look Monet doesn’t deserve the details of everything that this relationship entails (at least not the details she was asking for) and she especially doesn’t deserve them in a public place; but had the parents been honest with her in the first place....well, it would have saved a lot of drama.  

Drama that Kate is now a party to (something that Camille is quite aware of).  But that’s not the only drama she hears in that moment.  See, while this has been going on, Zoya catches Shan making out with the guy Zoya likes in the bathroom.  This leads to a confrontation where Shan admits she’s been acting out because she didn’t know how to tell Zoya that Nick doesn’t own the apartment; that Julien’s father does.  Of course, this leads Zoya to confront her father who is also upstairs and also within earshot of Kate.  

Now, Kate has promised Gossip Girl will deliver something juicy that night and so she has a choice to make.  Kate talks to Mike and tells him that she realizes now she’s had it all wrong.  She’s been blaming the kids for their bad behavior, when they have just been mimicking their parents all along (you’re a teacher and this just now crossed your mind?!).  In the end, Kate decides not to post the story about the De Haan’s, but the story on Nick.  

There is a beautiful moment between Monet and Luna.  Monet, of course, has been told by her mother that she’s a disappointment.  And it’s clear that all Monet wants is her mother’s love and approval; which that’s not going to happen.  Meanwhile, Luna mentions that she hasn’t seen her parents for almost a year.  Still, Luna believes that it’s always a good idea to risk being in love and wanting to be loved (even if some people will always disappoint you).  Ah, to be clear, Luna is not suggesting that you keep seeking love from those who may not be capable of loving you in the way you need; but that you shouldn’t give up on love and find those who will love you for you.

Meanwhile, Nick is trying to talk to Zoya when Julien shows up and asks what’s wrong.  Zoya lets Nick know that either he tells Julien or she will.  Actually, it’s option number three as Gossip Girl’s new post comes out and lets everyone know who really owns the apartment.  Later Nick will come how to an empty apartment.  Zoya has come to stay with Shan and they apologize to each other.  

Julien, on the other hand, needs someone to talk to.  Now, one thing I haven’t mentioned is that, earlier in the episode, Julien runs into a musician she met briefly a couple of episodes ago.  It turns out this musician had become a fan of her latest work.  It also turns out he’s twenty-one and married (oh, look at all those red flags).  Later, Julien admits to her fans that she was attracted to the guy, but clearly this was a no go.  However, at the end of the night, she meets up with him because she needs to talk to someone about what happened with someone who, let’s say, is impartial to what’s going on.  I don’t suppose I can hope they will just stay friends?

Finally, we see that Kate and Mike have slept together at his apartment.  He says he’s going to get her a drink, but after he leaves a message pops up on his computer.  Kate, who knows nothing of personal boundaries, immediately pulls up the conversation and finds out that Mike is working for someone who’s looking for Gossip Girl.    

[sincerelyaudri]

fuyu made me stop to take a picture :( happy birthday liza! you focus on partying, me & izzy will handle the rest 🫡

[eternclsunshine]

@gccdwitch continued from here.

When she's met with his great deal of defensiveness, Audrie almost finds herself feeling helpless. It feels like the best thing to do in this situation is drop the argument and retreat, but the act of expressing her emotions is far more important. Audrie's gaze wanders away from Luca, wanting to look at anything else as if it would bring her relief. Though he manages to surprise her with his honesty - and really, that was all she was searching for; vulnerability. Her stance softens a bit and her lips curve into the beginnings of a smile. "Thank you - I'm sure it wasn't easy for you to admit that." Audrie says softly. She knows its difficult for one to admit their shortcomings and so she wants to let him know she's here for him. As his admissions continue to pour out more, Audrie feels her chest tighten, especially upon hearing the declaring of his emotions. Tears begin to well up, and now she finds herself fighting both the urge to cry and the urge to take Luca into a tight embrace. "You... Do you really mean that?" The question is rhetorical. She knows what she heard, she's just still processing. "Because I feel the exact same way. I care about you a lot- perhaps a little too much - which is probably why I'm being a bit overbearing, but I swear my intentions are good-" a deep breath is taken, in order to stop herself from rambling on forever about her feelings.

[stjeromeshospital]

none new just never posted. reposting

[imaginc]

@gccdwitch liked for a lyric starter! (2/2)

"You're caught up in your permanent emotions, all the loving I've been giving goes unnoticed."

[garoujo]

i loves you <33

i lub u so v vvvv much (ᐡ⸝⸝ᴗ ̫ ᴗ⸝⸝ᐡ) <3

[neuvillettes]

꧁ ༺ @rzor ༻ ꧂

ꨄ︎ ulquiorra + audri ꨄ︎

ꨄ︎ shūhei + audri ꨄ︎

[sennsational]

tis me coming to tell you that i love your lil theme it’s so seggsy and cute and your lil selfships 🥹 they truly are your lil boys <3 i love you guys so much i cry y’all so cute 😭😭🖤

ydvshsbsb i love you i love you i love you i love you 🥹😭🖤 thank youuu my love !!! this is so sweet i’m actually tearing up (like not even kidding, i actually am dgvshsb 🥹🥹) i love you so so much too and so does baji and shin 🥴💕

[lilydalexf]

You are welcome for the lists! This one is fics recs for "Orison". They are all related to that episode, though they're not all angsty smut fics. So it's not quite the ask, but I hope you and others enjoy the stories! Another Dark Forest by @aloysiavirgata Post-Orison sex Anyone with a Gun by V. Salmone (Punk and Sab) Mulder, Scully, and a gun. Atomic Split by Pteropod The world is glued together by the strong force, the weak force, the electromagnetic force, and gravity. Better Angels by wonderland (@amplifyme) “She’s okay, Maggie, I promise... No, no, just forget whatever you might hear. Don’t even watch the local news. She’s okay. She’s safe and resting. I got it.” Jesus, how many times had he had this conversation with her, or one very much like it? More than he’d ever wanted to. Black Hole Season by Penumbra (@mashnotesofthemythopoeic) Mulder muddles through the aftermath of Orison. Ceremony by @darwin-xf What’s left when words fail? Cold Comfort by Joann Humby When 3 men die, the killer seems to have a story to tell, but is it the same one that people are hearing? X-Files are dangerous, very dangerous if you're working alone. Exorcist Stairs by Elanor G Scully is adrift and on her own after the events of Orison. A chance encounter forces her to confront the banality of evil... fluorescence and night on all sides by audries (@audriesfic) He steps over a corpse to touch her. Ghast by @leiascully (No summary provided) Glub-Glub-Glub and Calming Spells by PostApocolypticAlien (@scullysexual) “you can stay here, tonight. for as long as you’d like.” / “Hey babe, babe, wake up.” The Devil's Instant by Maria Nicole Post-ep for Orison Incorruptible by Anjou A submission for an epistolary challenge on the Scullyfic/E-muse list in January of 2000. Set mid-season 7, immediately after the events of Orison, when Scully has been faced with an evil from her past. Mytharc heavy. i have your dreams and your teeth marks by audries (@audriesfic) Also in the trunk of the car: the latest edition of JAMA, The Amityville Horror on VHS from Blockbuster, Moby Dick, a Jewel CD, a bag of clementines. Her still-closed Bible. - post-orison. mulder takes scully on a witch hunt. there's nail polish involved. Imperfect Shadow by Nicknoc In a dark time, the eye begins to see, I meet my shadow in the deepening shade. Intuituve Reasoning, I Say Obsessive, You Say Compulsive, and I Can Eat Glass by Mish You can’t fool *all* of the people, *all* of the time. / Kosseff vs. Mulder - one analysis, seven minute time limit. / A late night distress call shatters the calm. The Nearness of You by a_steady_wish Her first night back in her own bed after the events of Orison, and Mulder is there to comfort and love her. Neptune's Ocean by M. Sebasky (No summary provided) Nothing Apart by Dyann Zimmerman What happened after the events in 'Orison'. Noyade by Rocketman Noyade--(french) whirlpool. Of Ladies Most Deject And Wretched by Circe Invidiosa and Helen Quilley (@invidiosa) It wasn't a question worth answering...post Orison. Orison by @scullywolf The aftermath of Pfaster's attack takes its toll in more ways than one. Possession by @mldrgrl Based on this prompt request: Mulder and Scully have both dealt with abductions and kidnappings where they were held against their will. I imagine that it took a while for them to feel comfortable with any type of bondage. I think it’d be interesting to explore how or when they became comfortable with that and if it felt really empowering the first time. I especially see Scully having reservations at first but maybe requesting it. the praxis of a water bed by skuls (@ghostbustermelanieking) Five of the first times Scully woke up in Mulder's bed. Right Here by @smalldisbeliever The soft thud of her duffle bag hitting the floor marks their arrival at her apartment. It’s been a little over a week since Donnie Pfaster tore through the space.

Sedimentation by Maria Nicole Musings on the edge of sleep Sins Remembered by rah What happens after they leave her apartment. soap bubble memories by @softnow five times mulder and scully showered together + one time they bathed. Some Nights by otto_tis_eratai Or "Six times Mulder and Scully slept together, and one time they did something more". A collection of seven one shots, all post/mid episode (although it can be also read as one story). Some fluff, some angst, some hurt/comfort elements, eventual smut, a lot of friendship. Submerged by hellsteeth (@wexleresque) Mulder helps Scully cope with her post-Orison anxiety Taller Than Other Waves by amyhit (mayhit) She read Salem’s Lot at ten years old, was brave enough to kiss her partner by thirty-five. That Was Then, This Is Now by @mldrgrl The difference between how Scully deals with the aftermath of Donnie Pfaster in Orison v. Irresistible.

Unintended Consequences by Sarah Segretti Just when you think you know how you’d react to a horrific event, life steps up to surprise you. Scully and Mulder deal with the aftermath of the Pfaster shooting. Untitled by @aloysiavirgata Prompt: alternate post-Orison where Scully doesn’t get to her gun and Mulder is the one that kills Pfaster. Untitled by @aloysiavirgata Prompt: Scully to Mulder: Make me feel alive again... Untitled by @o6666666 Prompt: can't wait to read their argument for anniversary date. who would win??? Walls by Ellie I can't hold out forever; even walls fall down. An Orison post-ep. The Weight of Water by @dashakay The aftereffects of trauma are sometimes unexpected.

[audristarzz]

KOSA!

hi everyone!! It is for me 5:14PM on 7/29/24. In order to maintain my mental state and to keep myself from being filled with anxiety and stress, this will be my last post about KOSA for the day! (Not forever lmao) I will be back tomorrow to see the news about the Senate vote and I’ll update you guys as soon as possible!! To the Anons who sent me messages in my inbox I hope you are doing well, do not stress and do not panic keep calling your representatives and senators!! remind them it’s unconstitutional. Thank you all for calling and spreading the news about KOSA, I will be back tomorrow!! - audri⭐️

[carefulfears]

top 5 (or 10 if you have em) scully taking care of mulder moments <3

she said IF i have 10 😭😭😭

1/ sein und zeit

i fear i have talked about this television scene more times than anyone has ever talked about a television scene....like. one, two, three, four, i was even foolishly invited onto a podcast to talk about it more...

my tags here:

she gets down on the Ground. there's something so primal about it. there's such a lack of pretense and sense of desperation about it. the way he hits the table. we so Rarely see him lash out like that. but it's just too much to Bear. like everything in him is just Breaking the only thing that he's even remotely been able to hold onto amidst all of the unbearable loss and trauma in his life has failed. he's fumbling around for anything that might make it better. that audries fic describing him in this moment as an 'addict out of a fix' with 'newborn anger.' “this is the world? this is it?” it's the way that he spends this whole ep cooking up some elaborate mythology about missing children and how they can be found and then the last shot of the episode is that wide shot of all of the children's graves. sometimes he's just wrong. the world is so much fucking darker and uglier sometimes than the way he sees it. and that's what is crashing down around him in this moment. and she's sitting in the wreckage holding him tight.

this is such brave, brave love. i keep thinking about CSM in the following episode, standing in scully's apartment, warning her. "allow him his ignorance, it's what gives him hope."

she doesn't know what will happen to him, to her, to them, when she breaks down the only method of coping that he has. his mother lost her bedrock too, and she didn't survive. from the moment scully enters, you can watch it break her. she does it anyway. she gets down on the ground, and she cries, and she holds him. god, it all just would've been so different, if there'd been just 1 person, 27 years ago.

(thinking about mulder reaching up to hold scully when missy died, and these tags asking: did anyone hold him, when it was his sister?)

i love the show's message on grief (and trauma), in that this is all that is necessary for "closure." there is no "Truth," (and there really isn't any closure, there's no "beyond" the sea). but it matters that someone knows. it matters that someone bears witness. it matters that someone tells you the truth, even when it fucking breaks their heart. sits in the destruction with you.

the exhaustion in her voice the next morning, when she tells skinner, "it's been a hard night for him." she's still wearing her work clothes from the day before. she was up all night. she's tired, and she's scared, and she's sad. it's been a hard 7 years. it's been a hard 27 years.

it makes me tear up every time i see it, the way she blocks him in the doorway. she's not moving. this is just so scully. it's not even starbuck, it's just so scully. she would keep him in that apartment where she could cover him and control what touches him forever, if she could. (she can't, so you're not taking him anywhere without her. the way she looks her boss in the eye and tells him he better book her a flight too. brave love.)

2/ demons

god, this one just makes me sad. this might be the one that makes me saddest. she's dying. she doesn't have it in her, anymore. i talked about this in my newsletter (and i wrote a fic about it once) but this is like...the only time where she never calls him out on what he's doing. she never yells. she never rolls her eyes. she never gets frustrated with him. she doesn't have it in her. she's dying. he will be alone. she won't be here the next time. what can she even do about it?

i always think about this post:

and you know she is thinking about how if she hadn’t been there he would’ve died. and how the next time he does something like this, she won’t have enough life left in her to keep them both alive. she might not even have enough left for herself. and she’ll give whatever she does have left to him, but it won’t be enough to save either of them. she’ll die cold and pale and he’ll burn himself out. and what can she do but hold him? who will he have when she’s gone? what will he do to himself? who will he call?

and these tags:

this is so cautious and tender and apologetic. sorry for all the pain he feels constantly. and sorry that nothing can ease it. and sorry that she is dying and leaving him like this.

she started writing to him as soon as she was diagnosed, begging. begging forgiveness, begging courage, begging grace. begging for him to not feel there was anything more he could've done, to not become the next cause he is lost in. for him to keep going, as she needs to know he's "out there."

but she's seen him hold a gun to himself too many times, and she knows he's coming down with her. and it's such a loss? this is a person she gave up everything, including her life, to follow, because she believed in him and what he wanted to do in the world that much. but things are different now. he won't survive this. he won't be "out there" saving the world.

what can she do? go to rhode island at 5am, wrap him up. stay quiet, stay still, but scream and thrash at anyone who's careless with him. sink down next to him, cover him, hold him. "maybe we need every answer in the world to survive a single question: how long do we have each other?" (x)

(also, her memento mori journal, in general. she sat in that hospital alone, for days, knowing she was going to die. and she wrote letter, after letter, after letter, to him. so that he would have something. so that he wouldn’t be left alone with nothing, again.)

3/ the end

"as mulder appears. the look on his face is of a man who's seeing, smelling, and tasting the loss of everything he has worked for. it's the look of utter defeat. angle on scully at the door. she sees only mulder right now...she moves to him now. putting her arms around him, holding on to keep him from breaking. off this, we fade out. the end." (script)

i think so often about the script notes of this scene. the description of mulder, as absorbed in destruction. everything that he's worked for, literally reduced to (cigarette) ash. scully only focused on him.

in the final angle of the season, you can really see how she's standing in front of him. her fingers clutching him. but when she first grabs him, it's so tentative. it almost feels like she's trying to see if he's still there, if he exists, if his work doesn't.

this is...the whole thing! there's a reason why this was "the end." the final image of this iteration of the series, before everything changes. this is what it is all about. it's mulder walking headfirst into the devastation of the world. drenched in loss. seeing it. smelling it. tasting it. surrounded by it. and it's scully knowing what he'll find even as he's still moving (this script note, from the hallway: "reverse on scully. returning the look. knowing what mulder is going to find. and what it will mean.")

following behind. eyes on him, while he takes in the ash. just holding on for dear life; trying to keep him close, whole.

(also, i love the moment before the fire, at his apartment, after diana was shot. the way scully tells skinner that he can reach her at mulder's if he needs her, because that's where she'll be. he doesn't even have a bed, or anywhere for her to stay!! she's not leaving him.)

4/ paper hearts

oh, starbuck. we are really in it now.

paper hearts is an ahab and starbuck episode, yes. but mostly it's about grief. mostly it's about harsh awakenings. mostly it's about confrontation with fear, scully's included.

one of the most haunting moments of the series, to me, is when they speak to the father of the 14th victim, twenty-one years after his daughter went missing. and through tears, the father says, "i used to think...that missing was worse than dead, because...you never knew what happened. now that i know, i'm glad my wife's not here. she got luckier."

in that moment, as mulder looks over at the photos on the mantle, missing is not worse than dead. it is not worse than knowing. and later that day, in his first scene, roche calls it exactly as it is: "i understand you take this very personally, mulder."

i've written about this scene in the hallway so many times, because it's truly the crux of this episode (my favorite episode).

from my newsletter:

There’s something so viscerally deep about this episode that’s hard to put into words, but to me, it is most palpable in the moment in the hallway when Mulder asks Scully if she believes that his sister was abducted by aliens. And you can see in his face that he knows the answer, and he’s challenging her to come out and say it. You can see in Scully’s that she would rather admit to anything else.

he's challenging her. he's taking their entire dynamic, and throwing it in her face. not to be cruel. not to disrupt. but just to say...so what now? isn't this what you believe?

i don't think that they've ever been so fragile, as in this hallway, honestly. they rarely threaten to break it all down. their entire lives are built on him walking up to tragedy and saying: it was aliens. it was XYZ. and her following behind saying: no. it was a killer, it was a man.

what does that mean? what is she really saying?

this episode is hard on scully. mulder has never been more haunted. there has never been a bigger reminder of what they are actually doing. they are not just chasing little green men, having adventures, studying sewer worms. they are trying to make sense of something that will never make sense. they are trying to find a "truth" that they do not want to know. they are living their lives in mourning, in bereavement, in remembrance, of a missing little girl, and scully is terrified that they'll find her. that it will be exactly like roche threatens. that missing is not worse than dead.

and there is no one else. there is no one else that even knows how haunted he is. how stuck he is, in that childhood bedroom, like he said all those years ago. how deeply sad it is.

it's all of the little things. it's the "you did good work, mulder" in the beginning. it's the way she asks if he's okay to go tell the 14th victim's family. it's way she exclaims "oh my god" when roche says that he just wants to see mulder's face, when he finds samantha's body. one of the few times that we ever see scully lose control, but she just stands up and screams, opens the door and wordlessly waits for mulder to get up and get out of there.

it's the way that she hears "help me, scully" and digs in the dirt, with her bare hands.

(you can tell in his eyes here that he's been crying, and it really gets to me. there's so much that we don't see.)

in the end, they're back in the basement. nothing left but one scrap of tattered fabric, one more lost failure. it's over. she just comes down to check on him.

the progression of scully's face in this last scene is just unbelievably gut-wrenching to me. her smile, when she tells him to get some sleep, and he laughs. the way it disappears when he holds her, and can't see her anymore. with his mother, flashing that smile and hugging her was all that it took to convince her not to worry. when he repeats the same actions with scully, she looks like she could break.

this post:

Episodes like this make me think how alone - not just lonely, but truly alone - Mulder was before her. Nobody lost sleep over him falling apart under the fist of decades old trauma. Nobody grappled with him, let him wrestle his grief against them, and still stayed. Nobody visited him in the hospital, flew to Alaska, lied for him, stayed by his bed for days straight without an extra change of clothes. Nobody else knew he was suffering or wanted to, knew it more than he knew. That end of Paper hearts where she tells him to get some sleep, he laughs at the ridiculousness of it, but also out of incredulity at having someone to wish for better on his behalf. The heartbroken look on her face as he’s laughing into her waist seems to be her coming to the same realisation; “Who looked after you before? How long did you feel like this on your own?”

she is heartbroken. there is so much grief, in being starbuck. there's grief in being needed. there's grief in following ghosts. there's grief in loving someone who is so encased in pain, in loss. he will not go home and get some sleep. a well-placed joke, that smile, a hug, does not convince her that he's okay. he hurts so much, for so long, and he has one person who knows it. and all they do is keep moving: closer and closer to that breaking point that she is so afraid of, and they can't stop.

5/ redux ii

remember when dana scully lied on her death bed and looked up at mulder as he told her that he was not willing to jeopardize skinner to save himself, and she replied, "well, then, you have to lay it on me."

the way he smiles and shakes his head, chokes out "i can't...i can't do that." through tears...they are so kind to each other. all that she has left in the world is her reputation, and she says: take it. take it all. take everything.

she cries when he won't do it.

6/ herrenvolk

okay, i wanna get into some slightly lighter ones, so y'all remember when she nearly fully knocked skinner into the wall, because mulder came in with a (checks notes) scratch on his face?

this is just so scully.

she is so panicked. she just wants to slow him down, to stand between him and the world for even one moment longer.

these tags:

she's almost begging him not to go in. the extent of her worry is heartbreaking. she loves him. it frightens her to know what awaits him.

one of the biggest conflicts of scully's character is that she just cannot stop him, she cannot shield him, she cannot protect him. the way she leans up here, and pulls him to her shoulder. covers him with a blanket. this is what she can do.

there is so much grief in being starbuck!! in loving someone who walks blindly into a world that you do not trust. in following someone into the worst night of their life: over, over, over. years, years, years. in being first mate, holding the responsibility on your shoulders of having to steer in a safe direction, only having one to choose from.

(i also think it's really special, all of the little moments where she checks in. in the previous episode, in the hospital hallway, the way she says "are you okay?" so softly.

in paper clip, when she makes him stop, and says "no, wait, hold on a second...i don't think you've had time to process everything that you've been through."

remnants of the girl who told him she'll cover for him and he should just go get a beer, take some time for himself, after jersey. who suggested he talk to someone, when jerry lamana died. she's always wanted so much for him, but she understands more now. there's still room to pause, for a moment, before he carries on.)

7/ anasazi

ladies, would you shoot your man with a gun, to keep him from endangering himself, while he was being laced with LSD, and then drag him across the country singlehandedly, while he was unconscious, despite him being twice your size? and this, too, is taking care.

the way she says, "i was certain they would have killed you, mulder." and the fear in her voice, his hand on her knee. (she is so young. she really doesn't know what to do, not as often as she seems like she does). the way he says, "thank you. thank you for taking care of me." they are so kind to each other. it'll break your fucking heart.

(i remember asking y'all a few weeks ago, if mulder and scully ever say "i'm sorry," if they ever apologize to each other. and we came up with a couple of times. i'll tell you what, though: not as often as they say "thank you.")

8/ fire

girlbosses when they singlehandedly solve serial murders, to get their best friend's shitty ex away from them!!! okay, i put this one on here because we were talking about it yesterday, but scully really does handle the entire situation with phoebe so perfectly, and that's hard to do, when you're dealing with friends and abusers.

trish, i loved this part of your post yesterday:

scully gives him the space to talk about it, never says too much but she says enough. her phrasing is SO important. she repeats what he just told her in a way that frames it as wrong.

she's a little rabid, lol. we can see it on her face when she's alone, or when mulder's not looking. but around him (around phoebe too) she's calm. she listens, she addresses what he tells her as bad, without pressing. when he tells her that she's off the case, that he doesn't want to expose her to what phoebe is doing, she asks one time: are you sure you don't want help?

he says yes, and she does it anyway. she catches that fucking murderer so that this woman can go home. just, like, an inspiration to us all.

trish's tweet:

really, truly, genuinely. scully solving the case in fire was the absolute best course of action she could have taken. get that woman out of here, an ocean away from mulder. (give him freedom, let him heal, teach him what real love feels like)

(her eyes locked in on him here, phoebe behind her. the way that when phoebe leaves the room, scully says, "you alright?" instantly.)

meeting phoebe just a few months into their partnership made her so fucking crazy like...i make fun of her for being sick in the head in regards to everyone he meets (men and women alike) and never wanting anyone around him other than her but like, my god, can you blame her!!! he's such a gentle person and people are so cruel and it makes her eyes bug out of her head.

yeah, i really don't have much else to say here, you guys. she solved a murder herself, a case that she wasn't even supposed to be working, so that his old gf would go away and stop being mean to him. she doesn't play!!

(also! while we're on the subject of abusive exes, honorable mention to scully cornering diana into an empty room and telling her to "just think" about who mulder is, who he was when she met him, compared to where he is now. "and then try and stand there in front of me. look me in the eye. and tell me mulder wouldn't bust his ass trying to save you.")

9/ deadalive

oh, you guys remember that time she raised him from the dead, right?

scully at 8 months pregnant, sitting in that hospital chair, holding his hand, for days. knowing he can’t feel it, knowing that there’s nothing that says he’ll ever wake up. that it’s impossible. that there is no science…yeah. she just sits there and holds his hand.

i love the moment when she finds out, and she comes barreling through that hallway. she hits skinner first, and starts yelling, “i want to see him. no, i need to see him,” slams her fists into his chest.

then she moves onto doggett. repeats, “i need to see him” through tears. and the way doggett says… “i know. but i wish you wouldn’t.”

she’s loved. they want to protect her, protect her image of mulder as she knew him. but they also both know she will fucking plow them down.

i always think of this fic and feel so ill:

“I pulled you six feet out of the ground,” she whispers, dangerously low. “Because I couldn’t live without you. I gave birth to your child.”

she fed his fish while he was in a casket. she planned a funeral and decorated a nursery alone, at the same time. she ran herself ragged all over the country, trying to keep his work going. she raised him from the dead.

(i also feel that i can throw in here, as related, the time that she busted him out of prison and then abandoned everything in her entire life including her career, her family, and everything she owns, to go on the run from the law and live secretly in seedy motels for years to be with him.)

10/ fight the future

there are too many contenders for my last spot, so i’m gonna keep it simple, and go with the most special movie moment. (of all movies).

from my newsletter:

“Mulder watches the spaceship as it flies overhead, his face glows with a heart-melting grin of childlike wonder and awe.”(x)

That’s exactly what it feels like to me, it’s an innocence and excitement that was so present in season one, that was all over him when he told Scully to come look in the second episode, but that’s rare to see in the later seasons. It’s rare to see at this point in their story, after all that’s happened. They are stranded in Antarctica, both of them injured, both of them freezing in the cold, and they are holding each other and gazing up at the sky. What a perfect thing in their big momentous feature, to bring it all back to what it started with.

there’s such a reverent sentimentality to it, in the simplicity. she had stopped breathing, a few minutes earlier. but when he passes out, she pulls herself up, and grabs onto him. keeps him alive, keeps them both alive, just by holding him close. that’s really the heart of it.

(also, i find it so moving that this film is the only time in the franchise that scully considers leaving, not working with him anymore, and it’s because she thinks she’s not good for him. that she’s holding him back. she never considers him as anything other than wanted, something worth believing in.)

some honorable mentions to: little green men, which i’ve written about here. (especially her secret-signaling him to their secret meet-up place, just to ask if he’s okay). the erlenmeyer flask, which i’ve talked about here. (she literally stops him in the street to tell him that she should have listened to him, and she’s sorry, because she should have trusted his instincts. that means so much, you guys). her telling colton she hopes he falls on his ass after he was making rude comments about mulder in squeeze, screaming at a serial killer that she’ll gas him into hell herself and no one will stop her, if mulder isn’t okay, in beyond the sea….she has threatened and shouted at and smacked around so many people for fucking with him, and this too is care!! (anger meaning you’re worth being angry over, etc etc)

how desperately she became frantic to find their son, after 17 years resigned to never ever looking for him, never ever endangering him that way…because she became convinced that it’s the only thing that would help mulder.

and how important samantha is to her. it matters. it matters, that sam is remembered. that someone else in the world knows. someone knows that they played baseball in the summers, that they fought over the television, that he’s looked for her in every room he’s ever been in. someone else cares about her; not as a white whale, not as a photo on a desk, as a little girl who broke her collarbone because she played on swings too hard. scully listened to her journal, and cried. listened to how much she suffered. how much she just wanted to see her big brother. (scully kept a journal like that, too, once. underwent those same tests. almost died at the hands of those same men. wrote her testimony to that same person.) it’s taking care of mulder, to love samantha. and she does.

[alaffy]

Gossip Girl, 2x06 – How to Bury a Millionaire (Spoilers)

Once again we have an episode where everybody’s story pretty much ends at an event that all of them happen to attend.  Now, in this case, the event does make more sense the some of the others; but still. 

We do have a couple of no shows in the episode.  Shan isn’t in this, which isn’t a surprise given Zoya’s storyline last week.  Also, Nick is nowhere to be seen.

  Aki is in this episode, but he’s either a sounding board for Obie or helping Audry and Max.  Audry is in the episode a bit more, as she’s helping Max with the preparations for his dads' vow renewal ceremony.  Still, she’s more of a side character in this episode.

Obie is on a mission to show that his parents knew about the poorly built Condos.  He is able to find out that Danella, who works for his parents, found a soil expert who was willing to say that the land on which they built the Condos was safe and, now that the Condos have collapsed, has made sure that the soil expert is willing to take the fall for falsifying the results. Obie also finds out that Danella also has made it clear that she won’t take the fall for his parents; so they have to make sure that people don’t find out that she paid the expert.  Aki suggests letting GG know about this information.  However, Obie decides to go to a major media outlet to tell his story.

This seems to be going well, until Aki finds out that his father has suddenly bought this outlet. Furthermore, Obie finds out his interview is cancelled as Danella has apparently come forward and confessed to paying the expert.  Except a few hours later, it’s reported that Danella has taken her own life.  Given the conversation Obie has with his mother, it is more likely that Danella was killed and the confession is false (or she was forced to give it and then killed herself).  Given the confession and the fact that Obie might look like he’s going after his parents because he was disowned; he decides the only thing he can do is send the info to GG.

Zoey’s story is, well, it’s hard not to feel sympathy for her.  She’s dealing with the aftermath of what turned out to be a very disappointing first sexual experience.  And she’s not sure what to do next.  She really needs advice, but there’s no one there for her.  To make matters worse, it turns out that guy secretly filmed them having sex.  Of course, he doesn’t know Zoya’s real name; only the name that Zoya gave him...Monet De Haan.  Monet demands that Zoya fixes this or she’ll make her life a living hell.  And, just to cut to the chase, Zoya comes up with a plan to make the guy her plus one for the ceremony (by promising that a famous person will be there) and asking Georgina Spark’s son to get rid of the video; which he will if she can get him access to the guy’s phone.  But the video is gone and we find out that guy realized what he did was shitty (and illegal!) and erased the tape.

But it seems like Monet has a bit of a heart after all.  After hearing Zoya tell the guy how much of what he did hurt her; Monet tells her parents that the guy pretended to have a sex video of Monet.  Monet’s parents end up having him expelled from school and filed a lawsuit against him.  Dude should consider himself lucky.  Also, at the end of the episode, Julien finally does a check in with Zoya to see how she’s been doing and Zoya is able to really talk to someone about what happened.

Speaking of Julien, what the hell?  Look, I’m not going to give a rundown of what happened with her story.  Let me take that back, I’m going to give a short rundown; but...what the hell?  So, Luna thinks Graham isn’t telling the truth about separating from his wife and catches him with a pregnant woman.  Julien decides to expose him on “Stop the Conversation” and invites him as her plus one; while Luna has the pregnant woman come as the hairstylist for the wedding.  Except, when the groups get together, we find out that the pregnant woman isn’t Graham’s wife; but his sister.  And which point...what the hell?  It seems that Graham isn’t even married.  Graham’s sister, like Graham, is a musician and she is also one of Calloway’s victims; though it seems she couldn’t prove it.  Graham sees Julien having what he believes is this good life and so he decides to get revenge by...pretending to be married and getting Julien to...you know what, I can’t even fathom where this was supposed to go.  Like, what is the endgame here?  And why would Graham even think his sister would be happy about any of this?  It is, perhaps, the dumbest thing this show has done and that’s saying something.  Hopefully, Graham is gone and I’m going to move on from this.  Well, after one other quick note, Julien is starting to realize that moving away from her father’s shadow is going to take a lot more work than she thought.      

As for Max’s and Kate’s storyline, I’m going to do these together as they start to become the same storyline as the episode goes on.  Max, of course, is trying to put the finishing touches on his dads’ ceremony. Except he keeps running into problem after problem; almost if fate is conspiring against him.

Well, there is a conspiracy; but it’s not fate.  See, while Max is having issues, Kate is kidnapped by none other than Georgina Sparks. Now, I have not seen the original series.  However, after this episode, I clearly will have to watch it now.  I absolutely love the fact that, not only has Georgina broken into the apartment of Dan and Serena for years just to fuck with them; it apparently has gone so well that they think their apartment in haunted. Who is this woman and why have I not known about her before now?  And I know that she’s more of a character that pops in and out of the original series (at least for the first few seasons); still....

Anyway, Georgina thinks Kate is a great agent of chaos and has plans for her.  In fact, Georgina wants Kate to help her ruin the ceremony of Max’s dads.  Kate initially refuses, until Georgina points out all of the crimes Kate could be charged with if Georgina tells the cops who Kate really is.  

Here’s the thing; she doesn’t want Kate to ruin the ceremony as GG.  No, she gives Kate a list of tasks to do at the ceremony (hide the wedding dress, give the hairstylist the wrong information about what Gidion wants done, etc).  And Kate manages to pull it off.  Now, why did Georgina want the ceremony ruined?  Well, Georgina says it’s a test for Kate; so, it doesn’t seem like it’s anything against the couple per say.  However, as Georgina keeps saying she has big plans for Kate, there’s obviously something she’s after.  Kate refuses to continue to help Georgina and Georgina....well, we all know this isn’t over.

As for Max’s dads’....well, the ceremony kind of ends with a police raid.  Still, at the end of the episode, they manage to renew their vows in their own home, surrounded by loved ones....so, it all worked out in the end.

[sincerelyaudri]

good morning to the men 30+!

[karizard-ao3]

So Mikasa understands that she is only 3 years old but is it going to eventually eat at her that Audri dislikes her that much ? And Carla being mad at her probably doesn't help

I think that Mikasa understands three year olds well enough not to take it personally. After all, she is much older than Ryu and she has an 8-year-old son, so she's been up close and personal with kids that age before. Obviously, she would love it if Adri liked her, but her tactic is just to keep her distance and hope Adri comes around.

I think Carla's coldness towards her is more upsetting for Mikasa, and she's taking a similar tactic with her as she does with Adri. I think maybe that's just the way to handle Jaegers: treat them like wild animals and give them their space until they are ready to be tamed lol

[magixfairyix]

Descendants: Rise Of Red Thoughts (SPOILERS)

'Cause one again this is where I can go off and no one will think much of it

I don't know if it's just me but a lot of the songs kind of felt the same (Love is Sweeter, and Perfect Revenge went hard though). But I think it's just a me problem since the songs are less of a villainous vibe than the rest of the movies so I probably just have to listen to them again. They are pretty good, but just not my taste

2. I feel like in D1 with Mal, Jay, Carlos, Evie, etc they were characters with a more 'set' personality. Very memorable personalities. Though again that's probably just me, and I need to watch the movie again

3. The villan squad slayed so hard I said what I said. Especially thier song gonna be listening to that

4. The Queen of Hearts is dark, and I really like how much angst they put with Red's relationship with her mom. Especially the looking glass and how it showed her ruling by her mom's side. Very Raven in Ever After High vibes

5. I feel like the de@th of Cinderella could've been a bit more... jarring? But that's probably my angst-loving side talking, and especially considering the movie is probably marketed toward younger people/kids

6. Unlike the first three movies there wasn't really a 'final battle/or a battle.' Descendants 1: When Maleficent showed up in Auradon. Descendants 2: The battle with Uma and the pirates on the ship, and Uma vs Mal on the boat. Descendants 3: All of them against Audry and all. I feel like the villains didn't really get a chance to shine/get enough screen time. With Uma, Harry, and Gil they got enough screentime to see all of their personalities but we didn't get to see much of that in this movie

7. Also I feel like my little child heart just misses the Isle of the Lost and the vibes it had. I would've went there if I could. That's why when they went to the Lagoon I was like yes, villain place

8. I feel like the movie could've just started (after Uma's scene in the principal's office) with Red and the Queen of Hearts in the car on their way to Auradon, with Uma explaining in her narrator's voice about how Wonderland is banned, etc, etc. And also shows more of how Red is displeased/uncomfortable around her mom

9. Don't know if this is just a me problem, but the amount of one colour on both Red and Chloe's outfits (and also their parent's in the past outfits) was... a lot. They were very cool outfits, but even with Audrey in D1 her outfit had blue and pink in not blinding shades. Even with one color I feel like they could've varied it with different shades/adding a bit more neutrals, especially since their hair colours are the same as their outfits

10. I'm glad there's going to be more movies after this, and I think hopefully there will be more of a visible threat (even if in D4 we got some more glimpses into what was going in back with the Queen of Hearts in Auradon).

In short, I have good hopes. They started out the plot, characters, and hopefully now it'll pick up and we'll get a bit more character development/depth/lore

[imaginc]

@ameliiorate liked for a lyric starter!

"When all my friends say I should take some space - well I can't envision that for a minute."