#au: butchere!Neil

[sylviabit-thehand]

I love that Nora literally said Neil’s favorite memory is watching Riko get shot. Neil has NO CHILL 😭

[epicmarrowbonesoup]

Raven!Nathaniel AU where Nathaniel has only ever been borrowed to Riko and not out right given. He's the only son of the Butcher of Baltimore, of course the whole Raven thing was just to test out how willing he is to listen to commands, to submit.

So Nathaniel never gets the number III tatooed on his cheek despite being amazing at Exy, despite striving for nothing but Court, despite falling in love with the sport. And Riko, who knows Nathaniel could never be his, tells him it's cus he isn't trying hard enough.

So Nathaniel tries harder, hoping that he can outrun the mafia side of the family if he gets on Riko's good side quickly enough, falsely giving Riko his game and his trust while Riko, endlessly upset at the fact he can't have Nathaniel, makes promises he never intends to follow up on, abuses Nathaniel personally instead of letting his uncle do the deed.

And of course Nathaniel also develops bonds with Kevin and his other half Jean, who does still end up with the number three branding his face. And of course they all know Neil will never be court, know he is the property of the other brother. But they still train with him, still talk to him still indulge in his dreams.

When Kevin goes to recruit Andrew, Nathaniel comes with him. On their way they get seperated becouse Nathaniel gets invited to attend an important meeting. Its Ichirou telling Nathaniel to enroll collage two years early and sign a four year contract. Its Ichirou telling him Riko had been lying all along, Nathaniel isnt his to keep.

Nathaniel snaps after this. Kevin fails at recruitung Andrew and at protecting Nathaniel. And everyone fucking knew and Nathaniel will never forgive any of them for lying to his face. He barely manages to escape Evermore, the fact he isnt Riko's cant be killed by Riko the only thing that even remotly helps him. He goes on a run from everyone, the only thing that matters is that in 4 years time he has to return to Ichirou.

When Kevins hand gets broken he calls Neil, and Neil helps him escape Evermore, comes with him to the foxes but punishes him every day for the entire life of lues Kevin told him.

[onlypercabths]

butcher!neil with a glasgow smile…its what he’s known for and a lot of people can’t even look at him for a long period of time because of how deeply unsettling he looks

[reddamselette]

and if i say i’m writing an aftg fic where the foxes and co are hunting down a well known serial killer named the butcher of baltimore

[andreilslovechild]

Dark AU please?

Pt1 Pt2

nathaniel has proven himself to be a good butcher. a good little follower for the main branch and a good bodyguard for Riko. and because of this on occasion, he is called away to do a job for ichirou. the older brother seemed to have a soft spot for the younger redhead and Nathaniel was absolutely one to take advantage of that.

He does it well when hes calls out to kill someone for ichirou. taking his time using his tools to create another beautiful piece of art. The man's screams are music to Nate's ears, and he can't help but smile.

he hums to himself as he works, carving letter after letter, and pattern after pattern into the man's skin. nathaniel didn't know what the man had done, and honestly, he didn't particularly care. hes never been one to have too many morals, and ichirou wouldn't have summoned him if he hadn't done something to make him mad. Nathaniel reflects on this as he works. perhaps he had stolen money? or maybe disobeyed a direct order? he could have tried to kill ichirou...but if that was the case his father likely would have been the one to take care of him. It is possible he could be a rival yakuza member. or mafia member. there are multiple after all. hell, Nathaniel's mom was from one of them!

by the time his musing is finished Nathaniel backs away, admiring his work. and then without a second thought, he turns, leaving the man dead and his blood pooled at his feet, his body a mess of knife points that create a pattern only Nathaniel can see.

on his way back he stops at a store, buying a package of Rikos favourite protein powder. he learned his lesson from the last time. his chest still itches from the healing skin. he hums to himself on the way back to Riko, idly wondering what the future has in store for them.

[baby-foxes-and-frens]

I will never not be obsessed with the idea of Jean doing his little "what was your name again? Chris? Alex? Stefan?" except Neil is literally just Some Random Guy, and those names mean absolutely nothing to him

Like he thinks jean might be doing a slight against him for being trans except there's no way jean would know that and even if he did, none of those sound remotely close to neil's deadname

[dayurno]

riko in kayleigh’s care au yeahh…

riko: KEVIN WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME FREAK LEAVE ME ALONE??? *terrified for his life*

kevin, an autistic 7 year old: i have this rock in my pocket. for you

AND HE DOES............ riko he has this rock in his pocket. for you.

its cute to me it really is i think they're so funny and kevin is seriously so autistic. riko at this point hasn't interacted with any other children his age outside of little league and kevin is not just patently unusual he's also 1) super intense 2) loud 3) excited beyond belief over having someone to play with. SO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW HAPPY HE IS. most children would be happy to get a brother no matter what but this child in specifically has spent a lot of time with nannies or in adult-world events with his mother so of course he's happy to have a friend to accompany him!!! are you crazy!!!!!! the way i see it on riko's first day with the days (heh) kevin teaches him approximately three hundred different games in a span of two hours that riko either brutally rejects for not being exy (which kevin agrees with but also says they have to play other games because not all children know exy) (he's shocked by this too) or just outright doesn't understand because kevin's accent is so thick :)

BUT I THINK despite riko's fragile state and the ghosts that will inevitably follow him well into adulthood, it is a happy childhood.......... it's hard and at points feels hopeless, but when riko grows older he does look back and understands kevin's intentions and maybe even is a little grateful that someone was willing to reach out to his angry terrified traumatized 7 year old self. i think this k & r are not as close as they were in canon for a myriad of reasons, the biggest one being that riko's relationship to kevin and kayleigh is pretty complex because he feels like an outsider, but they're also a lot more well-meaning towards each other. they don't understand the other as well as they'd like to (i'd wager kevin will spend years and years trying to understand riko and failing to) but i do think they get impossibly closer after (sorry) kayleigh dies, which i can imagine happening in their late 30s to mid 40s. they'll always be brothers <3:)

[allfortheslay25]

I love your mermaid siren au is there any information you just want to info dump I'd love to hear it

Every time I post and disappear it’s like taking deep breaths before diving back into the water. Maybe this will be my last dive ✊

Thank yall for liking the all for the fish doodles so much but this will be my last post until next Mermay :)

Info dump below 👇

#1 Magic

Mermaids are capable of manipulating ocean and the weather to some little degree. The cousins are not an exception ☝️

Nicky is the weakest of the three and the most he can do is cause the water around him to bubble. Andrew and Aaron cannot control the water but can cause the weather to act up (only in a certain radius of their location) and only when they do it together. During a very heated argument about Neil and Kevin’s stay in the pod, Aaron and Andrew caused a tiny rainstorm above them until Andrew realized he was caring too much and pulled back.

#2 Roland

I originally ignored him a bit but my sister brought him up so now there’s lore for him too. Roland is a human that Andrew used to see on land before he decided to stay in the water for good. It happened for no more than a year. Andrew would bring his family with him to Eden’s (a bar near the sea) and let them explore the human building and activities until he was done.

#3 Other kids

Because Milo’s version of AFTF isn’t going to be part of the fic, I didn’t do any plot building for the Foxes kids. Imagine what you’d like on how and if they’re present

#4 Milo’s love interest

Milo’s future partner, if they were in AFTF, would probably be a human Milo would abandon the sea to be with. That, or they’d be a mermaid Milo would secretly see until he was ready to include them into the Monsters pod

#5 Birth(?)

Sirens and Mermaids give birth similar to dolphins. It’s quick and there’s little fuss unless it is the head/leader of a pod. Sirens, however, are very anxious about it since some blood releases into the water and that makes them targets for predators (even asshole mermaids looking to kill a siren for fun)

Mermaids sometimes weave baskets for their infants or even decorative gifts

#6 Vegan?

Mermaids are omnivores and will eat sea plants and fish. However, the monsters usually don’t since Andrew hates greens and he does most of the hunting. If they crave a snack, sometimes Nicky and Aaron will go plant picking. Kevin, being that sirens are strictly carnivorous, only tells Andrew off about the quantity of his meals. Those lectures never go well (it’s not right for someone to tell the head of a pod to eat less since they need to be in the best shape to handle the responsibilities)

Monster Neil AUs are the only ones where I let Neil be a carnivore. I usually HC that although he is not vegan/vegatarian/other, he is repulsed by meat sometimes. (Reminds him of too much butchered human flesh)

[dykekarkat]

im having visions of a butcher neil au with andrew as neil's right hand man / bodyguard (also lover. obvi) and the main conflict is riko being a serial killer fanboy / stalker yandere who's in love with neil (and also really weird about nathan).

[andreilslovechild]

Could you do The Second Butcher for wip Wednesday?

The Second Butcher Pt 2

Nathaniel had been bored lately. So very very bored. So the next time he sets out, he decides to get creative. He finds a deserving man, rigs him up, and takes his sweet sweet time. He carves pattern after intricate pattern, making sure to leave the skin attached to the muscle so it doesn't fall off, and he uses his blood to paint another mural behind him. He leaves him hung up and spread out in the center of his masterpiece. He usually likes to put his displays elsewhere but he could afford to lose one warehouse, and the police were mostly on his payroll anyway.

He's just getting ready to anonymously report it as he usually does when he hears a low whistle from behind him.

As he turns he sees a man just slightly shorter than himself, well-built, with blonde hair just long enough to begin curling, and piercings that pull at his lips as he gives a sardonic smile. He's all in black as if it's the fashion colour of the day. Nathaniel prefers red himself. He raises an eyebrow at the man, who finally speaks in a low husky timbre, a smoker then.

"Quite a piece of work here. How much time you spend on him?"

"A fair few hours"

The man nods and looks around. "I'm almost not sad I lost him to you. Been hunting him down for forever."

Nathaniel's eyebrow climbs higher. "Oh?"

The blonde smirks and seems to sink into his casual stance even more so. "Maryland Monster at your service"

The name peaks Nathaniel's interest. Hes heard it floating around here or there. Even admired a few crime scene photos. The Monster knew his fair share of crime scenes and often left convoluted threads of information at his own, which were supposed to lead authorities to the victims of his victims. It was all quite intriguing if Nathaniel was telling the truth. Not that the cops had figured it out. So he tries on his father's smile and responds.

"Butcher of Baltimore. Charmed."

[5a-alf]

I have been obsessing over this perfect court!AU and have literally like one irl friend to talk about it with. So.

The thing about Riko is that he never ever ever could have been anything different. He has at least one but probably two personality disorders (narcisism and antisocial i'd argue), which are the result of the abuse he endured. From a young age he was only an object, a spare, or the embodiment of an idea.

Others are redeemable because they are people, but he never really was a person in his own right. So he got worse and worse and worse, and we all know what he did.

I wanted a story where he could have something different, for i feel there is no universe in which he ends in a different way: everything he has is a childish dream, and that would have failed at some point anyway. And with failure comes death. I think his brother would have killed him even without the whole clusterfuck of the last game, just because without Kengo the main line was now only one adult and the 'branch' one was 2, which is one too many. Between Riko and Testuji, killing Riko made the most sense because Testuji had no interest in power, he just liked his dolls; also he was already an expert at his job, while Riko would have to learn/train to fill that role. And obviously age is also a factor, Riko is young, Testuji is middle-aged: for ichirou, a young man, the second is less threatening.

I could go on for hours guys im not even joking

For him to have a different future, he is not even the only thing that needs to change. If he was a good person, he'd have been dead earlier. If he was an okay person too. Maybe as morally gray he'd have the same exact life with a little less enemies.

What needs to change with him is the people he has around, his safety net. He has zero people on his side in canon (And he shouldn't have them, mind, he's horrid. But still, out of every bad person in aftg he is the only one who no one loves), he only has followers and pawns. So for an AU to work, he would need to change in a way that would affect the people he surrounds himself with enough to once again reach the show down with Ichirou and "win" against Testuji.

To do that, i think he needs Neil on his side. Kevin is great dont get me wrong, but he doesnt get it the way neil does. Neil gets the mafia, its way of thinking, its deals and the way power moves. Neil know how to be vicious and how to read people and how to push just enough.

To have a 'good' relationship with neil something needs to go differently during the selling, so that his mom doesnt run away with him. But he'd also need to have a good relationship with kevin first. For him to have a different relationship woth kevin i dont think he'd necessarily need to be better morally, he'd just need to be a better manipulator. In canon he controls people with fear/violence/money, but the best way to control people is actually through love/favors. To train a dog, you better give it treats than beat it. I think this way they would end up with a better relationship but also, the better relationship would in turn make him a better person, and the two things would continue to feed each other.

Neil comes in now. He is 10, Riko and Kevin are 12. The thing with Neil (aside from all i've already said) is that Riko would quite literally own him at this point, the same way he then owns Jean. The main difference between the two situations i think would be 1) their personalities 2) their age. At 16 (Jean 14) Riko is already off the deep end. Waay too deep. But at 12? Different story.

For the first point, mostly i'd say that Neil grew up in an abusive household like jean did, but he knew his father as the butcher, as a mafioso, and he was taught how to use knives ecc as a kid. He knew the drill, he knew the life. Jean was completely uprooted, brought into a different country, told to play a game i dont think he knew anything about. Much more jarring. Neil already loved Exy, he wanted to play it all the time; the sport itself would be a good motivator for good behaviour. Jean was just angry angry angry (fair.) and alone in a different country. So. Not the same. I think Raven!Neil would be the one person on the team not afraid to tell Riko off, but also not afraid of his violence (much more restricted in this au guys), and riko is also not scared of Neil's violence (a bit more than in canon, he grew at castle evermore; he is nathaniel) so they find solace in each other. He'd know when to listen and when to mouth off [Riko saying "nathaniel" vs "neil" and things like that]

Second point is their age, because at 12 riko is more susceptible to change than he is at 16, so building a rapport with neil would prove more beneficial, for all i've said in point one.

Jean would be a harder case. Bringing him to heel is much more complicated, because riko doesnt have anything to leverage against him nor offer him, the guy has nothing to lose anymore and now is not enough of a person to desire anything (well. Anything obtainable. He'd like to be free for sure). I think again a lot of the work would be done by neil (and kevin too obv, but neil mostly, as his partner) because they are the same age, play the same role, are partners. Neil would be a centainty. And this better riko wouldnt be violent to destroy his spirit, he'd be "forgiving" (when useful) and bandage his wounds when the Master beats him, and be generally kind to a kid who is so starved for kindness he'd kill himself to at least get the touch of death. That + group mentality and i think jean would be on board too.

Andrew also factors in all of this, but i'll go on later this has gotten SO LONG and i wont even reread it gosh i hope it makes sense.

Basically this whole thing ends up in: take the insanity that is andreil as a couple but that somehow is the sanest couple out there but extend it to the perfect court 5.

[jtl-fics]

Math Nerd AU

I’ve got quite a few time travel AFTG fics banging around in my head but by far the funniest one is this:

Neil dies in 40s to a drunk driver after a respectable professional Exy career, two olympic golds, a very successful and healthy relationship, a steady post-injury career as Ichirou Moriyama’s preferred accountant (kept himself squeaky clean) and years to get his shit together. He wakes up back early on into his runaway life with his mom and is immediately like “oh no I’m NOT doing this shit again.”

He makes a lot of changes, mostly for Andrew’s benefit but also gets Mary to the Hatfords, and gets himself set up in Ichirou’s confidence again because man he’s gonna play Exy again but Ichirou was actually a very solid boss if you’re competent and Neil is very good at managing finances.

Ichirou had plans for Neil. He’s waiting for his father to pass before he brings Neil fully out in the open as one of his since his father is still demanding that the Wesninski heir be given over to his brother and Ichirou is not about to let the only accountant who has ever gotten him a completely legal tax refund go to the NEST. He’s also not about to let the Butcher near Neil so he puts Neil off in the middle of nowhere with a steady paycheck and orders to graduate highschool. Neil picks Millport.

Hernandez still notices that no one ever comes to Neil’s games and that the kid is driven but doesn’t make any real attachments with his teammates despite Millport becoming the Arizona State Champs the year Neil leads the team. So he sends tapes to Wymack and Kevin. Neil is surprised to see them since he’d planned on never getting anywhere near Andrew after he set things up for the blond. (Killed Drake, paid some people to legally adopt and look after Andrew, got CPS to investigate Tilda properly, paid off the right people so that the couple who took in Andrew took in Aaron too, and paid for them to move out to SC (it’s close to the twins remaining family) and then Tilda managed to die on her own from an OD and the twins got the money without Andrew needing to have any part in it.)

Neil ends up signing for the Foxes despite Ichirou having plans for Neil to start attending University of Texas (Great Accounting Program) in the fall. Neil of course completely fails to tell Ichirou this since Ichirou hadn’t said anything beyond finishing highschool and if he had plans for Neil then he should have told him.

Neil, the utterly self-sufficient adult that he is, proceeds to just be the most bizarre stabilizing force the foxes have ever encountered. He knows all about their shit, their issues, their triggers, and how to help them. The Foxes all kind of crave that stability and Neil can take whatever they say unflinchingly. He’ll give as good as he gets but he also makes team breakfast pretty much every morning after he finishes his absurdly early run. Kevin is in heaven with his Striker pick (Neil in this thing is so incredibly boring and well-adjusted that Andrew just cannot believe that he’s a spy so Kevin and Neil start night practices almost immediately & Neil shows Kevin drills that he and Future!Kevin had made and Kevin is just like “I am so good at picking talent. I am a god.”)

The 3 things that make this so funny (at least to me) is:

1. All the Foxes just like not understanding why the hell Neil is a Fox (They’re glad he’s there but it feels like a clerical error that such a nice well-adjusted guy is on the team) until they see him without a shirt and until immediately after the Kathy Ferdinand show where Ichirou shows up and is like “Palmetto doesn’t even have a nationally ranked accounting program!? Also what if this sport gives you a TBI and you can’t do my taxes anymore????”

2. Andrew is just inexplicably and infuriatingly smitten, enamored, crushing, heart-eyes for this BORING ASS MATH NERD. Neil’s sense of humor was honed against Andrew so he’s got like a direct line to Andrew’s funny bone. He never has never once for even a second confused Aaron and Andrew (and they’re a lot closer in this fic because there’s no Tilda angst and the ‘parents’ handled getting Aaron’s rehabilitation handled off the books so he could have a future in medicine.) Even after the whole mob accountant reveal Andrew is seething because even with that Neil is just incredibly well-adjusted and normal despite all the insane shit going on with him. He propositions Neil when Neil mentions having a past male significant other but Neil has the AUDACITY to get all sad-eyed and say that he can’t be with Andrew because his heart still belongs to some CHUMP in his past. (Cue Current!Andrew having an unknowing bitter hatred / rivalry of Future!Andrew and swearing that he’ll woo Neil away from a guy who’s probably in the mob or shitty because Andrew hasn’t seen any evidence of Neil’s SO reaching out to him but he knows Neil isn’t lying)

3. One of the reasons that Andrew is inexplicably and infuriatingly attracted / smitten to Neil is that Future!Andrew did not really spend a lot of time in the future after Neil died and he’s slowly seeping through until Neil’s confrontation with his dad and then Future!Andrew fully wakes up and he’s PISSED because at least in the original timeline Andrew was inexplicably and infuriatingly attracted to the mysterious freshmen who was hiding his appearance, looked like he was seconds away from running across the country at all times, and had a whole aura of danger around him. Now he’s revealed that he’d have fallen for Neil no matter what because he fell for Neil when he was just a BORING ASS MATH NERD and WORST OF ALL Neil went and made him jealous of HIMSELF because Neil didn’t want to cheat on Andrew with ANDREW. What an asshole. He’s gotta kiss his entire face off and tell him that he’s never allowed to cross a street without Andrew again because if a drunk driver is going to take one of them out then it’s going to take BOTH of them out.

[reddamselette]

"Are you scared to be alone with me?" Neil asks with a slight tilt to his head, electric blue eyes staring directly at Andrew. It isn't difficult to notice Andrew would leave after the others, with excuses or mere silence. Neil is curious and with that curiosity, it knows no bounds. Andrew looks at Neil blankly. No emotions across his face except for a hazel gaze. Neil is wondering now if he'll take the bait he's casted. "No," Andrew says. "I don't like you." Neil hums in response and leans back in his seat, eyes flicking to the mirrored glass of the interrogation room knowing there may just be a handful of the staff standing on the other side. Watching. Listening. He shrugs, then, and looks back at Andrew. "Keeping me here for observation then? Don't trust me?" Andrew clicks his tongue and shuts the door behind him before he takes the seat across from Neil. "They trust you. I don't. I can tell from a mile away you're a fucking liar." "Mm. Trying to figure out what I lied about then? Well, you're wasting your time, Andrew. I wouldn't lie in a serious investigation that might help you catch... What do you call this killer? The Butcher of Baltimore?"

snippet of aberration (the aftg true crime au i mentioned a few days ago

[exyistsexy]

No Saints in Sight from Anna23reads

No Saints in Sight is an interesting story about what if Neil is raised as the heir to the Butcher and Andrew recognizes in Neil a boy from his past.

⸻⸻⸻

AO3 account needed: No

Words: 61,989

Chapters: 24/?

Summary:

What if Nathan did not kill Neil when he found him after Mary’s death? What if Kengo wanted The Butcher to have an heir? What if the man with blue eyes and auburn hair reminded Andrew of a boy he knew from his youth? . . . In this AU Neil didn’t play Exy in college. His father found him when he was 16 years old and he was raised as the Butcher’s heir. On a business trip to Columbia, he recognizes one of Christian Anderson’s bodyguards. He’s sure it’s Andrew, a boy he met in his youth. Neil wants to get to know his old friend. He slowly gains the trust of the apathetic blonde, through playing their little truth-for-truth game.

Andrew is weirdly interested in the redheaded businessman. Why does the man feel so familiar? Moreover, Neil is fucking gorgeous. The redhead shakes up his boring life and makes him want… things. But will he still trust Neil after he unravels all of the man’s secrets and deceit? Only time will tell.

⸻⸻⸻

The story is well written and has only recently been updated. For me, it's definitely a story worth reading.

[moonsnqil]

aftg au fic where neil is a psych major and he wants to do his final on the whole nature vs nurture thing so ofc he goes to aaron (they're not friends but they can be found studying with each other and taking turns bringing back snacks from the vending machine when they're both hunched over textbooks at 2 in the morning in the library). aaron only agrees to help bc neil promised he would help him talk to katelyn since they share a class this semester. enter andrew, criminal justice major, he's only here because aaron promised to buy him ice cream for the next month (and neil is hot and andrew is very gay). neil spends the next month or so running his little tests and asking questions. he learns early on that andrew is stubborn, he only deals in exchanges so every other night they find themselves sitting somewhere on campus trading truths and andrew sort of likes how he's revealing the nurture life dealt him and neil just accepts it bc he was dealt a similar hand. aaron doesn't care about the project, he's there for katelyn and maybe a small part of him would admit to needing validation that andrew isn't miles away from him bc look, they both hate candy corn, cilantro tastes like soap, and neither of them ever were too fond of hiking.

andrew wants to quit the project, ice cream wasn't worth this. neils auburn hair and ocean eyes and mysterious scars that were too clean to be anything but intentional. aaron wants to get a gf and find out why his brother doesn't talk to him yet is willing to stab the senior who shoved him. neil just wants to get a good grade, he survived the mafia and his serial killer father so he thinks he deserves a good grade (and if he keeps seeking out andrew in the halls and spends too much time trying to dissect the nature of him, well. good grade, right?)

what happens when neil realizes hes gotten too close to another person in a way he never has before, when andrew begins studying a certain butcher in his class with awfully familiar eyes?

[stabbyfoxandrew]

can we get mafia front pls (:

WIP Wednesday (2/12) | Mafia Front Restaurant AU (Part 278)

"You're describing the buying and selling of your life, Neil. That sounds pretty goddamn bad." Andrew says, studying him intently. Neil supposes he has a point. But it's not like he's ever known any different. And it's not the worst thing, not really. He was terrified Ichirou would want to keep him. That he'd want Neil to be his right hand, the way Nathan was for Kengo. 

Two fathers, two sons. Inheritance and all that.

He could've done it. Would've, if only for Jean's sake. But he's glad Ichirou had other plans for him. Because he likes their little apartment and hanging around the restaurant when Stuart's business— whatever it is— is slow. It's not an easy life. No, it's a messy and dangerous one. But he's not the Butcher Junior. And that's good enough for Neil.

"It's better than the Nest was."

"That doesn't mean it's good." Andrew says simply. Neil is overcome with a sense of deja vu because he and Kevin had this exact exchange last night.

"I know. I try not to think about the specifics, Andrew. The specifics will make you fucking crazy and I don't need any help with that."

"You have a point there." Andrew says, his humor returning. His expression softens a bit and he reaches behind the counter to grab the book. Neil's eyes widen.

"Put it back. Andrew, really, put it back. Forget it's there." Neil says, trying to take it from him. After a couple attempts he gets the feeling it would be easier to take a steak from a Rottweiler than anything from Andrew Minyard.