#attractive and like they are aware of that and bla bla we were just walking down the street talking about it bc it had to do with how pretty

[yoongisautumnleaves]

i need to empty my brain a little so im hear to scream

[freyarabbit]

◇"Feeling bold today, are we...?"◇

[~Megumi Fushiguro x Reader fic, Megumi and Reader are 21, Nsfw✞,consumptipn of alcohol by reader, loss of virginity, swearing~]

Bla bla bla, it was all you heard. Not because you couldn't care enough to hear what your friends were saying, but because you couldn't. You couldn't understand what they were saying properly, it all just felt like a blur.

You'd drunk alcohol for the first time today, after falling victim to peer pressure, in disbelief that you drank alcohol before losing your virginity. It felt quiet embarrassing, really.

You truly liked all your friends, but their voices were getting unbelievably frustrating. Wanting to just be picked up from this shitty place and be taken in your comfy bed, you promised yourself to never drink so carelessly again, because this was agonizing.

Megumi was patiently waiting for you outside in his car. Before you'd left, you told him to come to pick you up at 8 pm sharp...but he'd been here for almost 40 minutes now. He didn't feel angry, he felt concerned and worried.

He wouldn't describe the place as crowded, but the amount of people was more than what he was comfortable with, as that made it difficult to find you.

He didn't want to barge inside the building without your permission, but by now he felt as if he had no choice. Figuring that you'd understand, he put his phone inside his pocket and entered inside, slowly opening the door as the excruciatingly loud music hit his ears.

Uncomfortably making his way deeper in the house party, even having had his way blocked by a few flirty girls who hit on him. He didn't pay mind to that however, way too focused on finding you.

He towered over most people, making it easier for him to spot you. You were sitting on a couch looking tired and drowsy, as the people around you gossiped and laughed, not even bothering to ask you if you were okay.

His brows furrowed, jaw clenching as he walked up to you. Your friends quickly turned their heads, going quiet.

He quickly pushed your hair out of your face, instinctively checking the temperature of your forehead, just in case if you were sick, since your face was burning up.

He was worried you had a fever, but his eyes spotted the alcohol lying messily on the table.

Sighing, his heart was put a little more at ease, though he felt a little annoyed at how careless you were. He noticed how you probably weren't up for walking around, for which he had a pretty simple solution. Picking you up and carrying you back out.

Gently lifting you, he threw you over his shoulder, walking all the way back with no problem, as everyone stared at you both, some in awe, some in jealousy and others in concern.

After walking out, he placed you on the passenger's seat as if you were a delicate flower. You were still conscious, of course. And your boyfriend having lifted you like that, made you a little more aware of your surroundings as your eye lids fluttered open wider, staring at him getting onto the driver's seat with a mildly annoyed expression, his hands gripping the steering wheel.

God, you felt embarrassed at how turned on you felt all of a sudden. It should be considered completely natural, because both of you were already dating and he was an attractive man. But the problem was, you'd never had sex with him or anyone up until now before.

You knew that tons of people would probably call you dumb or stupid for that, for how you haven't even done any sexual activities with a boyfriend this hot, despite having been together for quite a long time. But it's just that you haven't felt ready for it...right now being an exception.

"Why are you staring at me like that?"

He asked without turning his head towards you, catching you off guard.

"Ah- uh well...mmm- there was nothing else...to look at so-"

You desperately hoped he didn't realize that you were practically drooling over him. But that hope was quite small due to how observant your dear lover is.

"Since you're talking now, would you mind explaining to me why the hell you were so careless with something like alcohol?"

"I... I fell for...p-peer pressure..."

"I really didn't expect this kind of behavior from you. Do you know what you risk whenever you get yourself in such a vulnerable position in a place filled with people you don't even know?"

You just listened quietly, body trembling at how good his angry voice sounded, as your body shamelessly pooled heat to your lower stomach while he lectured you. It felt like getting butterflies but so much more dirtier...

Upon reaching home, Megumi's gentle behavior continued, despite him being upset with you.

As he entered you both's shared home, you were at your limit. You couldn't resist anymore, as you kissed and bit his neck while still being in his hold.

He opened the car door for you, helping you come out. Even picking you up again when he realized that you still had difficulty standing.

His eyes had widened, as he understood how you felt. The alcohol must've really made you feel like this. Your hands were running all over him and he wanted to give you that affection back, but he knew it will go alot further and didn't want to do this while you were still drunk. Feeling as if he'd be taking advantage of you if he did.

Suppressing his urges, he pressed on without saying anything, placing you down onto the couch. But as he tried letting you go, you only clinged on to him tighter, unwilling to let go.

He groaned, "Baby...what do you need?"

"Need you, gumiii-..."

Holy shit, he'd never heard you speak in this voice.

"No- baby, you're drunk right now, I can't...do that..." it was getting considerably harder for him to resist you when you kept persuading him like this.

"Please please please...I'm ready- and I'll be okay as long as- it's with you-..."

That was it, the last straw.

He swiftly kisses you, feeling even more turned on as you tried reciprocating with the same energy.

Pushing his hands up your skimpy little top, massaging your adorable breasts. He felt like ravaging you right now, but chose to savour it instead, knowing that you're still a virgin.

Pushing your legs apart from each other, he slid your panties to the side. You were a virgin, yeah, but sure knew how to dress like a slut.

He was about to give you foreplay, but surprise washed over him as he saw how wet you already were.

Your eyes widened in surprise at the discovery he'd made. As you looked away, embarrassed.

"So, this is what was going on when I was scolding you in the car, isn't it?"

"You like it when I'm mean to you, don't you?"

You didn't have time to respond, as he began pushing his fat cock inside of your small little tight hole. Looking down at it, you couldn't even believe that was going inside you, all of it.

You whimpered as it went deeper into you, making you feel like alot weaker than you are.

Your breath hitched as he stuffed himself inside you, groaning at how your walls squeezed his dick. He'd never felt this good fucking anyone before, and he'd literally just begun with you.

Your mewls and moans only turned him on more as he licked up your tears, kissing your lower lip while your mouth remained open, calling out his name.

He wasn't even fucking into you that fast, and you were already a mess under him. The small streaks of blood on his cock, and some leaking out of your little pussy, it make a smile creep up on his face. You were really his now.

Your moans turned into screaming, nearing your first ever real orgasm, as he was about to have the best one in his life.

"Me-megumi!!"

That was it, the way you screamed out his name, he came inside you, filling you up to the brim, as you tried catching your breath.

He pulled out of you, slowly, making your already sensitive insides ache, causing a mixture of cum and blood to leak out of you.

God, was this a sight to behold.

You looked so pretty, still, as you let out sighs, breathing heavily.

He pulled you up by the back of your head, offering you a glass of water, before speaking up

"Did it feel good, honey?"

"Mm-...mhm"

[Not proofread yet]

"Alright, let's get you cleaned up then."

[clairecrive]

“Useless planning” - Sirius Black x reader

A/n: this is my first time writing Sirius even though I love him to death and he's my favourite... I lowkey think I didn't do a good enough job but oh well. Here it is, I hope you like it anyway.

Warnings: none, fluff all the way

Word count: 3K 

(let me know if you wanna be added to the taglist)

(I know this is Billy but I thought the sub to be quite fitting)

Insecurities were normal. Everyone has them. And the same went with flaws and imperfections. Nothing to be ashamed about. That's what y/n and Marlene were trying to convince Lily about. Of course, it's easier said than done but acknowledging the fact is the first step into accepting them.

"James tells me that they're beautiful and that I shouldn't worry about them but I don't know. I don't like them." Lily had confessed to feeling self-conscious about her scars and stretch marks and reticent she was in letting James see her body for this very reason. Of course, the boy you love telling you that you're beautiful the way you are is certainly flattering but not problem-solving in this case. At least, y/n thought so and let her friends know.

"I don't think seeing it that way is going to help."

"When has James helped to make something better?" Marlene snickered making y/n roll her eyes and Lily glower at her.

"They don't have to be beautiful and you don't have to look at them in that way. They're just natural, you know? There's a reason you have them, meaning that it's your body's reaction to something." Sometimes, it helped using the scientific approach. Others, however, sharing was indeed caring.

"And in fact, everyone has them. Look." So pulling her skirt up a bit, y/n showed the marks that adorned her thighs.

"How are you so confident about them?"

"I'm not, actually. And it has taken me a long time to accept them, let alone show them this way." In fact, it had taken a long time for y/n to come to terms with the way her body was and to accept it and love it. It was still a work in progress if she had to be honest. But she was not ashamed to wear shorts or mini skirts now and that was indeed progress.

"And, I'm not saying that James is wrong or anything. I'm sure he told you that because they're a part of you and that boy cherishes the ground you walk on like you're a saint or something. He just wants to help and that's sweet of him. I think though, that this is something you have to come to terms on your own too." Y/n felt like adding. By all means, James' efforts were appreciated but she didn't want her friend loving herself through someone elses' love.

"Y/n's right. Don't think you're beautiful because Jamesie says so but because you are." Marlene agreed before throwing a chocolate frog in her mouth.

"So you're saying that Sirius telling you you're beautiful didn't help you even a bit?" Lily threw with a suggestive raise of eyebrows pointed at y/n who barely shrugged not wanting to indulge her.

"It's like with Remus, you know? He has five people telling him that he's the most precious human being on this heart and that his scars hardly make him less attractive but does he agree? Of course not. And yeah, us telling him certainly helps but it's something he has to realize himself or the situation won't ever change." But she couldn't help herself and had to add, "Besides, Sirius says that about every girl at Hogwarts. It's hardly helpful."

"She has a point." Still munching on her sweet, Marlene agreed yet again even though this time her tone had grown sombre. It had been a while and she was over it but she had been one of those girls to make the mistake of fooling herself into thinking that Sirius was going to give her more.

"He doesn't look at them the way he looks at you though." Stubborn as always, Lily insisted.

"I'm sure it's 'cause he sees a challenge."

"If only he knew you liked him."

"Why don't you tell him, then? He's been after you since the year started." Following up on Marlene's lead, Lily wondered.

"Don't get me wrong, I like him alright. But I'm not interested in what he can give me."

"Mindblowing sex?" Marlene pointed out in an a-matter-of-fact tone

"Fleeting interest and attention." To which y/n sternly replied.

"His attention is hardly fleeting seeing as it's been months."

"Lily, why are you pursuing this? We both see how he is with girls and I refuse to end up like that."

"There's nothing wrong in liking someone and letting them know." Lily got defensive, maybe because she was thinking of James. Whatever the case, she wasn't going to change y/n's mind. She was not being delusional, just pragmatic.

"They're pathetic." Marlene snickered and even if y/n agreed to some degree, she ignored her.

"No there's not. It's the end result that I'm referring to." Y/n conceded but the problem wasn't that. It took a lot of courage to publicly pursue someone, that she had to admit.

"Which is?"

"Heartbroken," Marlene answered solemnly earning a nod from y/n.

The group of girls were utterly clueless about the material they had provided for the aforementioned guys who were currently under the invisibility cloak.

Remus rosy-cheeked but flattered at y/n's words. Not that it was the first time he had heard them but it was always nice to feel appreciated. James was glad that his efforts were not noticed by everyone but especially by Lily even though he didn't like the fact that she was still worrying about something that seemed so meaningless for him. Peter looked bored to death as he couldn't be bothered with girl problems while Sirius was pouting despite the fact that the girl he had been chasing for months had confessed to liking him back.

But that pout was short-lived as Sirius Black was known for being a man of action. Now that he knew why y/n was so reticent in giving in to his flirting, he had the key to solving this problem. The smirk he was so infamous for took its place on his lips while a plan was already forming in his mind.

"Stop blushing, Moony, we tell you that every day and so does y/n. Now c'mon I have a girl to woo." And with that, he pushed everyone away and filling them in on his plan when they were out of the girls' earshot.

The first phase of the plan was to take place in a couple of hours at lunch. He was to show that his attention was solely reserved for y/n and her only. Sirius knew that he had a reputation and even he was aware that he was a big flirt. While he knew that it was completely harmless, he could see how it looked in y/n's eyes. Or in everyone's really.

So when lunchtime came around, Sirius took his place at the Gryffindor table. Y/n usually sat with them, on the bench across from him and beside Remus. Deep in conversation with Moony, she didn't notice him sitting down but he didn't do anything to grab her attention. He waited patiently for y/n to be done with whatever she was talking about with Remus to finally speak.

"Hello there, angel. Aren't you looking cute tonight." The plan was in motion, his charm: on.

"Hi, Sirius." And yet, y/n appeared to be unbothered.

"I heard you got into a little of a catfight."

"You made it sound like we pulled each others' hair or something."

"Isn't that what happened?"

"Of course not. I was just telling Moony what happened, he can fill you in." She said dismissively while gathering her things.

"Why don't you do it?" Sirius tried to keep the desperation out of his voice but given the smirk Remus gave him, he was failing. Just like the first phase of his plan.

"I have a class to attend Black." Rolling her eyes at him, y/n stood up not before leaving a kiss on Remus' head, " see you later Moons."

"Don't I get a kiss too?" She heard Sirius' cry of indignation and didn't even turn around to respond.  

"My kisses are for those you can appreciate them and you get far too many of those from others to do so."

"I swear if I didn't hear her before, I'd say she's head over heels for you," Sirius complained to his friend slouching in his seat. His eyes following her silhouette until y/n walked out of the room.

"She's my best friend." Shrugging his shoulders, Remus brushed away his worries. Yes, y/n was affectionate with him but she had always been this way. There was nothing romantic behind her gestures.

"We've known her the same amount of time, why is she so comfortable with you than she is with me? You're not the one constantly flirting with her."

"She's cautious about opening up with people and as you've heard before she doesn't trust you with her feelings." He pointed out what Sirius already knew given her previous confession. The first phase of the plan had seemingly failed. Y/n hadn't stuck around long enough for him to put it into motion but he had not lost hope yet.

"You seemed to have your work cut out for you though, Pads," Remus said after a while and told him about the fight he had mentioned when he first sat down. Apparently, some girl was complaining to one of her friends about him and the way he had treated her. What had made y/n compelled to butt in and defend his honour though, was that the girl had twisted what actually happened, spreading instead some nasty shit about him to no doubt get her revenge. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, after all.

"You know how much she hates confrontations and arguing but she went straight into one for you. It must mean you've done something right."

Sirius couldn't help the smile that found its way on his lips at Remus' words. He had gathered as much seeing as he knew her well. They had been friends since first year after all. Also, because that meant that he didn't need most of the phases of his plan but one: earning y/n's trust.

He knew that he had it in some quantity seeing as you were friends. He just had to nudge her to take a step in the direction he knew she wanted to take but was too afraid to.

So, when your last class ended, he made sure to be waiting for you outside. As always you were one of the last to get out, Marlene and Lily on your side.

"Since when do you specialize in chaperone activities, Black?" Marlene snickered when she noticed him leaning on the wall.

"Only for the fairest maiden of the kingdom, of course."

His charm was one of the things he was most known for but he had never been able to work his magic on you in that way. One day, you were talking with Remus about some books you were reading and how enchanted you were with old stories and myths and legends. Sirius of course had no idea what you were talking about, not having read that particular book, but he was familiar enough with the subject thanks to his education. So he had started talking like a medieval knight just to catch your attention and maybe to annoy you but he was pleased to notice the amusement in your eyes and how you'd respond to him in a similar tone, playing along with him. Whenever you two started talking like this, the others would always look at you weirdly but none of you seemed bothered by it, least of all Sirius. Whatever he could do to make you smile, he'd do it gladly.

"And to what do I owe the pleasure, dear sir?" She played along and Sirius was counting on it. He briefly threw a suggestive look at Lily who seemed to understand as she pulled Marlene away ignoring her protests.

"Oh no, the pleasure is all mine, my lady. Would you give me the honour of coming with me? I have a surprise for you." And to top it all, he offered her his arm. Y/n didn't know whether to roll her eyes at him or indulge him but she'd be lying to herself if she said that she wasn't intrigued.

"How can I say no when you ask so politely, sir."  And so she took his arm and followed him through the hallways up to the Astronomy Tower. Y/n knew what this place meant to Sirius. They had even spent a lot of time there together. It had kind of become their place when they needed some peace and quiet or to simply spend some time together away from the noisiness of the common room.

"I'm here to prove that I'm worthy of your affections, my chérie." He solemnly said after you sat down. If this whole thing had been somewhat normal between you, this was certainly not and it definitely took her by surprise.

"What are you talking about?"

"I know you like me, y/n."

"That's hardly a secret, Sirius. We're friends, of course, I like you."

"I mean, you like me as I like you. Not just as friends."

"Who told you?"

"Most importantly, I know why you're refusing my advances."

"Look, Sirius-"

"Please, let me say this first and I promise that I won't bother you after if you say no." Despite the pun he and his friends would always throw around, he wasn't known to be this serious and he hardly ever was. Taken back by the sheer determination she found in his eyes and in his tone, y/n simply nodded and let him talk.

"I understand your reservations, if I were you I'd be thinking the same. You know me though, y/n, better than most and you know that I care about you. I can see why you'd be afraid of opening your heart to me but I swear I wouldn't be insisting so much if I wasn't sure that this is what I want." y/n had never heard Sirius talk about his feelings so freely. She'd be lying if she denied how his words touched her, her heartbeat would give her away.

But there was also something else on stake.

"It's not that, Sirius."

"Then what is it? Don't you trust me?"

"I do trust you. It's just- I don't want to get heartbroken and ruin our friendship at the same time."

"If you trust me then why are you so sure that I'm going to hurt you?" Sirius wears his heart on his sleeve, that was one of the things y/n had always admired him for. How brave he was to always show and tell every that went pass his mind. Now, seeing him like this, arms crossed on his chest, his eyes flashing, her heart helpelessly hurt and she almost winced at the fact that she was hurting him.

"Oh no, Sirius, no. I don't think you'd do that willingly. After all, it's not anyone's fault if you lose interest in me or just stop caring for me in that way. And when that happens, I'm not sure I can go back to just being friends. Thus, ruining our group of friends and that is not something I'm willing to give up to attempt whatever it is you're proposing." She quickly tried to explain, desperate to make him see that it wasn't about him, not completely. Mostly, she was afraid. Afraid of admitting her feelings for him, afraid of indulging them knowing that when you have something special, it means that you can lose it.

"That goes both ways you know." But Sirius was always able to see right through her. And he knew what he felt and now that he also knew how she felt, he wasn't going to go down without a fight.

"I did not wake up yesterday and realized I have feelings for you, Sirius." she scoffed, not telling him that she had been in love with him since they come back from the summer break in their third year. They were now in their fifth.

"It didn't happen to me neither. If you haven't noticed, I've been chasing you for months."

"Yes, while always having an alternative option on the go."

"I thought you had learned by now not to listen to rumours." Sirius tilted his head in a way that reminded y/n of an adorable puppy.

"When it comes to you and girls, Sirius, they're not rumours. At least, not the part that interested me."

"What do you mean?"

"I know that you treat them right and I know that you don't offer them more than what you give them. Those are rumours they spread in hope that other girls will stay away from you and you'd go back to them. But you do get with them. Sure, Katy was talking bullshit about you being an asshole and I know that's not true but I also know that you have been with her."

"A year ago."

"Then why is she still talking about it?"

"Don't know, angel. I'm pretty memorable if I do say so myself."

"So, you're saying that you haven't been with anyone in a year?"

"I've been too busy with you, chérie."

Well, that was news. Y/n had to admit that she hadn't seen this coming. And it definitely changed things. Sirius had been right when he said that she knew him better than most. And so, when she looked into his eyes, she knew that along with smug and cocky he was also being honest.

"Well, I've just checked your agenda, my love, and it seems it will be so for quite some time."

"Is that a threat or a promise?"

"A bit of both."

"I'm more than fine with it, angel. Now, give me a kiss and bring me to heaven."

[uncommoncold]

Frozen Moonlight

Summary: On the coldest day on record in Seoul, the heat goes out and the boys are forced to share a bed. As they deal with the fallout of their night together, Yeosang's parents find his soulmate!

Word Count: 2.7k

Content Warning: Soul Mate!AU, Dom Park Seonghwa, Sub Kang Yeosang, Forced to share a bed, Waking up kisses, Fluff

It was so cold.

Yeosang bounced up and down as he wiggled his hand out of his glove to punch the door code in. He hadn’t seen the temperature but he didn’t need to, to know that he was freezing. His face actually hurt from the cold and the edges of his scarf were stiff from the frozen condensation of his breath. He opened the number pad and flexed his fingers, he couldn’t even feel the smooth surface. He cupped his hand to his mouth and blew into it to try to regain a little feeling. It took him a couple of tries but it finally beeped in confirmation. He ran inside, closing the door behind him as quickly as he could to block out the wind. Because it couldn’t just be cold, no it had to be accompanied by a blistering wind.

He hopped up and down as he shrugged off his backpack and took off his coat. It was then he heard Seonghwa’s voice raised further inside. He couldn’t see him but he could hear him. He honestly couldn’t remember having heard his voice raised before unless he was calling for him but he sounded … angry. It wasn’t that he hadn’t seen Seonghwa angry before, he had. He had even had him angry at him once or twice but when he got angry at you, he would just not talk to you for a while or just go in his room and close the door on you. He hated it and would do anything he could to try to make sure that it lasted as short a time as possible. But in their almost year together, he hadn’t once heard him yell in anger.

Seonghwa came into view then from the hallway which he had been pacing while he was on the phone. “Uncle!”

He was still bundled up from outside apparently. That was when Yeosang noticed, it wasn’t really much warmer now that he was inside, in fact it felt exactly like he was standing in an icebox. There was no wind but other than that, it was only moderately warmer.

Seonghwa’s brow was creased and his sensual lips were pursed with sheer vexation. “You’ve been saying you were- Fine. Then please do it as soon as possible. I know this is the coldest day ever recorded, that’s why this is an emergency.”

He pulled his phone away from his ear and angrily tapped it off. When he looked up he looked a little startled to see Yeosang standing there.

“What’s going on?” Yeosang asked curiously.

“The heat is out. Uncle is in Jeju and since it’s so cold, he’s having a hard time getting a repair man here. He said the earliest he could get one is tomorrow. So we’re just going to have to cope with it tonight.” Seonghwa still looked supremely annoyed and it was justified.

“Why don’t we go… somewhere warmer and we can get something to eat.” Yeosang offered in a hopeful tone.

Seonghwa looked at him for a long moment and then smiled, “Alright, that sounds like a good idea.”

It was late by the time they made it back home. It was just as cold as it had been when they left, if not colder after the sun had set. With neither of them taking off their coats, merely exchanging their shoes for slippers, Yeosang asked. “Do you have a space heater or anything?”

“I never needed one, the house is usually very easy to heat in the winter. I have an electric blanket that we can share. I’ll go get it set up, you can shower first if you want to.” Seonghwa headed to the close to get the blanket.

“Oh, okay.” Then it hit Yeosang. Sharing the blanket meant they would need to be in the same bed for that to work. That meant sharing a bed with Seonghwa. No, this was ridiculous. It was the coldest day they had ever had in Seoul, -24c and the heat was out. This wasn’t time to think about his ridiculous dream. It was Seonghwa being Seonghwa. He was thoughtful and caring to a fault. He didn’t have any interest in him as more than a friend and a roommate and he didn’t have any interest in Seonghwa as anything other than a very good friend. It was just that stupid dream which had put it in his head… It would all be fine.

Taking a shower was an adventure but he found he wanted to take as long as he could reasonably manage to get into Park Seonghwa’s bed. Maybe if he took long enough, then Seonghwa would already be asleep by the time he joined him. At least the hot water heater was working fine. He turned the hot water up as high as he could tolerate it before climbing into his pajamas and putting his coat back on.

The short trip to Seonghwa’s room felt as if he were walking the last mile. He liked to think he had avoided being too awkward around him since his dream. He was sure he had been at least 85% successful. At least he hoped he had. There was no way to avoid him in the small house they shared and to be honest, he didn’t want to avoid him. He just wanted to get over whatever it was that had taken over his sleeping mind. He just wanted things to be normal between them. He was tired of feeling on edge and policing his every thought and action. Seonghwa was perhaps his closest friend and he was just tired.

The door to Seonghwa’s room was cracked and he hesitated before giving a little knock and pushing it open. Seonghwa had shed his coat and was burrowed beneath the giant pile of covers up to his nose. He pulled them down to uncover his mouth, “Hop in.”

Yeosang nodded and took off his coat and laid it across a chair. He wiggled his way under the blankets and it was blissfully warm. He let out a sigh of relief and relaxed.

“I’m sorry I only have one…”

Yeosang turned to look across at Seonghwa. He felt guilty and more than a little stupid. This shouldn’t be a big deal and he was the one making it one. It was all his own fault and he was panicking over what was essentially nothing. He sighed and resolved to put all of the bullshit he had been carrying around for the last week out of his head and just get back to living. “No, it’s fine. I’m just grateful that you’re willing to share.”

“I couldn’t let you freeze to death.” Seonghwa smiled and shifted rolling onto his side to reach to turn off the light. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” Yeosang rolled onto his opposite side and wiggled slightly backward to keep himself wholly within the confines of the blankets. The cold was biting and the warmth he had gained from the hot shower had largely dissipated. He thought it would be impossible to sleep laying next to Seonghwa but there was something comforting about feeling him so close. He was still well aware that he was laying in another man’s bed. He could feel his presence and his scent was all around him. However, instead of the tension and nervousness he thought he would feel, he just felt calm and almost as if this was where he was supposed to be.

He was cold. Very cold.

Yeosang snuggled into the warmth he felt beside him, hiding his frozen face against it. That was better, much better. Warmth closed around him, enveloping him. He didn’t question it, merely pressed more closely.

Seonghwa wasn’t sure what time it was when he opened his eyes, the morning sun hadn’t quite taken hold and it’s light weakly penetrated the closed curtains of his room. It was either still quite early or very cloudy. The first thing he was aware of was the warmth of the body pressed against him. Yeosang’s body was tangled with his. Their legs were entwined, their bodies pressed together, their arms around one another. As he took stock of the situation, Yeosang wiggled against him, tucking his face down against Seonghwa’s neck.

God… the feeling of his warm body in his arms. He could feel every line and curve pressed against him. While neither of them had ever been shy of touching this was the first time he found himself able to appreciate his body. He knew he probably shouldn’t, he should wake him up or go back to sleep or move or something. He knew how he felt but as far as he knew, Yeosang was quite likely not interested in him, not in that way. He had spoken of girls he had dated in the past. He talked about women he found attractive whenever the topic came up. He was, much to his great dismay, straight. It wasn’t fair for him to take a pleasure he knew that Yeosang would be uncomfortable with. Just a few more sweet seconds … He lowered his head so that his lips caressed Yeosang’s brow. Seonghwa closed his eyes and relished his stolen moment that he knew would likely never come again.

Yeosang inhaled deeply and shifted, his hand moving down over the warm body pressed against him. Long, lean, muscular and so familiar. He knew the smell of him, the taste of him, the feeling of him. He knew every inch of his body, from the little freckle on the back of his shoulder to the tiny little scar he had on the side of his left knee. He knew how to make him smile, laugh, squirm and he knew how to make him cum. He knew how to make him practically lose his mind with lust and how to please him in every way. He writhed against him, lifting his head he brushed his lips over his chin, feeling the barest edge of stubble he smiled as their lips touched.

He wasn’t entirely awake as he kissed him. Fragments of dreams clung to his semi-conscious mind. His eyes drifted open and he saw Seonghwa looking back at him in surprise. He smiled and leaned back in, deepening their kiss. He felt arms tighten around him. He arched his body, pressing his hardening cock against Seonghwa’s. He heard him gasp, his hands clenching in the fabric of Yeosang’s pajamas. He wanted him, it felt like centuries since he felt him inside of him. He slipped his hand between them, reaching for the burgeoning swell of his lover’s gorgeous cock. He pressed against it and heard him moan, his tongue slipping between Yeosang’s lips.

There was a loud, sharp sound then. It cut through the fog that still clung to Yeosang’s mind. He stopped, startled and more than a little confused. The doorbell blared again and Seonghwa looked around, obviously frustrated. “Shit, it’s probably the repairmen for the heater.”

He climbed out of the bed, his hard cock more than obvious. He cursed under his breath as he grabbed his coat and zipped it up. It hung to his knees and was more than thick enough to hide his arousal. He jumped into his slippers and hurriedly half ran toward the hallway, closing the bedroom door behind him.

Oh god what had he done?

This hadn’t just been a wet dream. This hadn’t even been him waking up and jerking off to thoughts of his roommate. No, this had been him full on molesting him. Jesus, he kissed him. Yeosang sat up in bed and lowered his forehead to his knees. He hadn’t just kissed him, he had been grinding against him and was touching him… there. No wonder he was hard. His eyes widened as he realized the depths of what he had done. How was he supposed to ever look him in the eyes again? How was he supposed to face him? He could hear voices from the living room, it was at least three people. He heard snatches of words and phrases, from what he heard it was indeed the repairmen.

Before he could berate himself further, he heard his phone ringing. He wriggled to the end of the bed and grabbed his coat, fishing his phone out of his pocket. “Hello?”

It was his mother, he listened as she told him the good news. He blinked. He heard what she said. He promised he would come home on the weekend but it wasn’t until after he hung up that it really sunk in. “We found your soul mark. Come home this weekend to meet her.”

Despite the warmth of the electric blanket wrapped around him, he went cold all over. We found your soul mark . Suddenly he felt more than a little sick. The horror of that statement made the embarrassment of molesting his roommate sink to the back of his mind.

The bedroom door opened and Seonghwa walked in. He saw the look on Yeosang’s face and he hurried to sit on the side of the bed, “Are you okay?”

“My parents called.” he heard himself say. “They want me to come home this weekend.”

Did they expect him to marry this person? They knew as well as he did exactly what the fortune teller had said about his soul mark. He was supposed to know pain and suffering at their hands. Did they expect him to march blithely into a situation where he would suffer? “They found my soul mark and they want me to meet her.”

Seonghwa’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. He knew there were services that helped people to match to their soul mark but after what the fortune teller had said about Yeosang’s, why in the world would his parents want to hurry that along? No wonder he looked so stricken. “It’s not like you have to do anything more than meet her.”

There was a nervous knot sitting in his own stomach. Yeosang had kissed him and he had been aroused. He had felt him hard and grinding against him. Yeosang had touched him, he had done nothing at all to prompt him or coerce him into doing so. Seonghwa had thought it was a lost cause, the love that he harbored in his heart but now he knew… he knew that Yeosang wanted him too. What would happen if he met the person he was tied to? Would all sense of danger be tossed aside for an instant and all encompassing love? He hadn’t ever met his soul mark, whoever they might be, but what he did know was that he was in love with Kang Yeosang and he very much didn’t want him to meet this woman. “Can I do anything?”

When Yeosang’s eyes met his, he looked absolutely petrified. Seonghwa reached forward and wrapped his arms around him. Yeosang melted against him, clinging to him desperately. What could he do? His parents would insist he meet her and whether he stalled or not, it was inevitable. It wasn’t as if he could tell his parents, ‘Oh, sorry I’m in love with my male roommate instead.’ That wouldn’t go over well with his parents, not even a little bit.

In love with his male roommate?

His thoughts came to a screeching halt and he realized he was in Seonghwa’s arms, clinging to him the way a lost child might to their newly found parent. Then he remembered everything else. Oh god, he couldn’t stay here, not like this. He suddenly felt suffocated. He awkwardly pulled away from Seonghwa who was the very picture of concern. He wouldn’t let awkwardness get in the way if he thought he could help someone. He was just so caring, so sensitive, so good. “I- I’m going to go get dressed.”

Seonghwa let him go and watched as he put on his coat and headed out of the room. The way he had pushed away… He had the feeling that there was more than just the fact that his parents found his soul mark bothering him. Could he be feeling guilty about what had happened between them? He hoped that wasn’t it, Yeosang’s kiss had made him happier than he could ever say. The thought that he might be able to have what he had believed to be out of reach… but this woman, fuck.

Other stories located on Master List.

[isolated-loser]

Log 0026, 7:05pm, 9-22-2019

Wednesday the 18th, I did school shit, then went to the state college to see my boy toy, i.e., witch boi, it was fun for the most part. Minus the fact I felt like I wasted a day I could have been studying at the nerd shop. I really do care for him on several levels, he's a good person. I feel as if I'm just a rebound to him, or that I'm just being used for emotional labor, with he's conscious of it or not. Not that I don't feel like I’m using him, like I would drugs, alcohol, or masturbation. I wasn't really aware of it in until, Wednesday night when I started having an episode, that was trigger by his, when we got to my house he asked again I'd I was ok, no I was not in the slightest, I try to say I fine not words were not going to come out if my maw without tears, cuss brain chemicals are a goddamn dick, so I say borderline crying I'm being held together by ban aids I can't do this right now you need to get home, then ensure I'm that no I'm not ok but I will be till him that I love him,  half the time when I say that I feel like, I'm lying, give him a shifting car hug, then get out, he fallows, and I kind of ignore it for a minute, as I walk around the car to get my bag. When I get to the other side of the car, I ask already knowing what he’s up to, what he’s doing. He replies, I needed to get out for a minute. I get my shit out of the car, set it on the ground. And he pulls me into a hug, then, kissed over my face and shoulders, and he said something sweet. I get turned on, his neck is right there, then he move removing the temptation, and I make a joke about said temptation, he doesn’t get it so I make him get it, by licking his neck, then he’s got to one up me by biting my neck, so I go for the ear his fucking weak spot, the he goes for my neck again, if some cars didn’t drive by several times I could have done that for hours. He said something like, how it’s probably good the cars did go because he was a minute away from telling me to get back in the car. And I was like yeah we don’t really have time for that. Something, something. We part ways. And I do my shit.

So, Thursday, the 19th, Did my school shit. Went to the Nerd Shop, changed tops, and just kinda sat around really fucking depressed, the point most people were noticing, and kept asking if I was ok, like wow, people give a shit about me, not something I really expected. Eventually everyone showed up hung out side and chatted, with nymph about my Witch Boi. She thinks I should break up with him. I mean she probably not wrong. But I don’t want to think about that right now. Played in Lash’s campaign, it was fab, felt good, Danny got to do a bunch of stupid shit, but what do you expect, Danny’s a weirdo. And Lash said, that I can take a few levels in artificer, which it wicked, I’m very excited for it. Later in the night after the session, after everyone from DND left, I hugged eye brows goodbye, like I do. And he looked sad so I hugged him again, then this motherfucker picks me up bridle style. Like the fuck. I, like, what... It was like fun. But brah. I'm lost at this dude. I've gotten to know eyebrows better over the last month or so. But I still don't have his number. (In the metaphorical scents, also I literally don't have his number, but I mean in like, what the fuck is up with this dude way.) He's just an enigma. Like I'm not infatuated with him anymore, which is a good thing. Not that I don't still care for him greatly, but it's not bad like it used to be. I mean I can think of other subjects now. Like all the over whelming stress I'm first to endorse them brain chemicals, might I say. 

Friday, the 20th, when to school, did what I was supped to, then I got home backed some bread for eyebrows, I tried somewhat to mix up some cookies for Witch Boi. The bread turned out fine, the cookies were shit. Then went to The Nerd Shop with the bread, hung out and played some magic. I won a game using my friend, Rat’s, rat deck. 60, 2/2 rat tokens. It was awesome. Got a call from Witch Boi, where he was bitching about getting a ticket. I tried to comfort him to the best of my shit ability, to do so. After I got off the phone, I continued to lose the next game, lol though. Hung around for a bit, then Witch Boi showed up, then we chilled outside. Where chatted for a bit before Witch boi got me up against a wall, where we made out a bit. Then eyebrows showed up I ran inside and back out gave that bitch that bread. Come to find out he had an edible and was high out of him mind. Eyebrows make a joke about the bead and eating me out. It funny, I wasn’t sure how Witch boi was going to react, but he was chill, which is good. Me and witch be chill outside for abit, chatting with a friend of eyebrows, I get a few hits off of her week vape. Eyebrows, comes outside, sits with me and witch boi, Eyebrows freaking out a bit. As I’ve gotten a few hits, I’m high. Witch boi suggests food, eyebrows is embarrassed, still freaking out, he was scared he would be banned from the shop. I get his shit from inside we all go to the fast food place, I feel awkward as hell having the dude I was borderline in love with for a year, and still am somewhat, anywhere near the dude I’m with. I felt like nearly the entire time Eyebrows was throwing shade at me for being with Witch Boi. I me like, I would too. This guy, Witch boi, is just a piece of work. I leave them both at the fast food joint again, cuss I need to go find me phone. I walk back over to the shop and chat with some friends on the way.  I’m kinda freaking out cuss I don’t want to think about what Eyebrows could say to witch boi. Or if I still want to be with Witch boi, at all. So I find my shit the start heading back over to where I left them they were on their way back. Bla bla bla. Witch boi and I were going to leave, before all that stuff with eyebrows. So I go inside hug every one goodbye then, we head out. 

When we get to the parking lot we put our shit in the car, then I drag Witch boi, in a hug. And we like make out, stand snuggle, like shit, cuss drugs got me desperate for touch. Then he all like do we need to make a stop be for we go to a different card shop, assuming me overly touchiness was cuss I wanted to get busy, not entirely the case, but I was more than willing to tack it. So we get in the car, go to a park we’ve frequented for this, type of shit. Bla bla bla, something, something, we had to stop for gas. We go back to the park, and we had be getting hot in heavy in his car, he had said he wanted to ask me for something, that I had in the past said, I would not be ok with, I assumed he meant he wanted me to suck his dick, so I move down like I mean I haven’t actually tried it I might like it, I was wrong on both counts. I move back up. He told me that’s not what he meant, he wanted me to choke him; I already knew that was something he was into, so it wasn’t out of the blue. I agreed to try it. So I move my free hand up to his neck, and start applying presser, and I start having a borderline panic attack. I start crying, with a no, no, no, I can’t, then apologizing, telling him I wish I could give him what he wants, still sobbing. Witch boi comforts me saying t ok, and the he loves me, and bla bla bla. He asks if I need to stop, I say I want to if he does. So, I continue jacking him off. I say something about wanting his finger inside me, he tells me to get on my back, he starts fingering me, stuff in thing I cum. He presses his cock against my woman hood; this motherfucker has no idea what that dose to me honestly. Blablabla, we get back to where were and I get him to the finish line, then we clean up some , and head to the other card shop. and we get there play some commander, bal bal bal. idk. Stuff then we leaves and he drops me back at home. And continue the night as usual.

None of this helps with my brain that keeps going form, “Fuck! I love with him. I’m fucking screwed! Fuck! FUCK! FUCK!!! I need get out while I can.” to “I’m just lonely, and he’s giving me affection, and I can touch him.” to “Did this motherfucker put a love spell on me?!!?!” to “Fuck. He so amazing!” to “He’s not really attractive. Honestly, he’s kinda hard to look at.” To “He so fucking gorgeous. He’s so much more attractive than me. How the fuck did I catch this?” Insert 20hundered times this of bullshit, constantly. I’m so confused. I’m confused, if I want this, or if I don’t. I need to evaluate if it’s him, or how he makes me feel. I need to think about it. Instead of pretend this isn’t a problem. I really don’t know if any of my feeling toward him are really, and if they’re worth the trouble.

Tomorrow, I have, a nether math test, and a 1500 word paper due, but I haven’t done/am ready for ither, but I made that choice today. I woke up remembered that I have that paper due and decided I was not going to scramble to write it, I will take the zero, it that a bad idea probably. But I needed to breath for a second. The math test I’m not going to do great, I know that, I know I’m going to do worse on turning in the home work, cuss it’s not done how she wanted it. but I fucked up. I can’t really change that. So I’ll just have to take the hit to my all really shot grades. I’m not happy about it, but there only so much I can do at this point, I can just start doing better after this.  Have a history test Tuesday as well I’m not ready for but, my 14/100 in the class tell me, I’m already fucked. I’m just screwed in most of my classes, honestly. I should have been trying harder, I say. I’m not sure, if I’ll be loud, to go next semester if I keep fucking up this bad. Probably not, I which kinda sucks.

I’ve made no progress on finding a job. Something I need desperately. But what do you expect from a worthless peace of shit.

My birthday is in a little over a week. So much wasted time. I can’t stand it, but it’s not like I have a choice. Every day I lose more time. I’m going to die, having done nothing with this life. A hollow soul, costing in the bleak. Not that, I’ve not tried to motion. Though no matter how, I’ve tried in movement, my course doesn’t change. I’m falling throw, thick gray smoke. Coughing up ash. A husk of humanity. Speaking false comforts to those, I don’t care for. I.E. I’ve vary not happy about my birthday coming up.

 Signing Off…                                                                                                      

 Favorite song today: OTHER WORLDS THAN THESE by STARSET

Mood: lower ups & middle downs

[medea10]

Medea’s Top 10 Pokemon Episodes!

[datingadviceonreddit]

TL;DR: I believe I had a shot with a very attractive woman, then had an awkward exchange that she probably misinterpreted as me rejecting her (which I definitely wasn't), and then she froze me out, and now I don't know what to do to repair the situation.There's a drugstore I go to a lot, about every other day. One day I went in and the cashier and I started talking. I was buying cigarettes and she asked for my date of birth to enter it into the computer. Turns out our birthdays are very close to each other. She told me what her birthday was, and I said something like "Oh, so that makes you a... scorpio?" and so we started talking about that (I'm a sagittarius, btw). Now that I read that back, that seems a little cliche, chatting up a girl about zodiac stuff, but that's just how it happened. I'm not really into that zodiac stuff, but whatever.Anyway, we had a nice exchange that lasted for maybe about a minute and a half, which doesn't sound very long, but it kind of is if you consider that I'm lingering at the counter of a drug store. I mean it's not a bar, after all.Anyway, after I left I noticed that my mind kept turning back to that conversation. No big deal, but she's very pretty, and I don't get a whole lot of female contact, so she kept popping up in my mind over the next couple of days. But I wouldn't say that I was terribly preoccupied with her. Not at that point.I return to the store a couple days later, and there she is again. The first time we chatted, she was wearing a big floppy shirt, had her hair pulled back in a ponytail, and wasn't really wearing any makeup, at least not in a noticeable way. This time, however, she was dressed to the nines, her long hair cascading down, she had her face done up, and... well, I don't usually use juvenile language like this, but in this case I think it's appropriate: she was a total fucking smokeshow. For about 3 seconds I literally wasn't even sure it was the same person. She was dealing with another employee. She gave me a big smile, remembered what brand of cigarettes I wanted, and again we briefly chatted.At one point, a couple of guys walked past and she said that she thought they were high on weed, and we both kind of laughed about that. She said they looked "Chinese" (you know, because they were high and sort of squinting), which was kind of a funny thing to say, and not really the kind of thing a cashier would normally say to a customer, it being politically incorrect and all. Which I also liked about her, knowing at least that she's not one of these tedious, hyper-politically correct people.Anyway, it was another nice exchange. We seemed to have a rapport. We made each other laugh a couple of times, which is always a good sign. I was glad that she wasn't all dolled up that first time, or I might have been a little intimidated. Well, after that encounter I was kind of smitten. There seemed to be a connection, although the idea that she was attracted to me was completely unconfirmed. I was hoping that was the case, but was also aware that my perception on the matter was not necessarily reliable. She was probably just being friendly, and that got my imagination going, which made me project all this stuff onto her. Maybe she's like that with a lot of customers, who knows?On the other hand... maybe not. Maybe a gorgeous woman actually likes me. I found myself in the bathroom standing in front of the mirror, scrutinizing myself in a way I've not done in a long time. I'm checking myself out from different angles, telling myself "yeah... that's not too bad. Why not me? There's nothing wrong with me...", stuff like that. Next thing I'm going through the closet, looking at my wardrobe, which has not really had a significant update in quite some time. Maybe it's time for some new shirts.At that point I was definitely preoccupied with her. She really put the zap on me, and I'm thinking about her a lot. This is with a grand total of about three minutes worth of conversation under our belts. I haven't liked anyone in kind of a long time, and I guess she sort of woke me up. Half the time I'm imagining how I might go about asking her out, and the other half I'm telling myself that I'm an idiot, she's out of my league, bla bla bla.A couple days later I go back to the drugstore, but she's not working that day. I don't know what her schedule is, and I end up not running into her for about a week.And then I fucked it all up.It was night time, I walk into the store and there's nobody at the register. This happens a lot at this particular drugstore, you have to walk around looking for a cashier. Anyway, I round the corner and there she is, again all done up with the hair, the makeup, the nails, looks like she's about to hit the club or something.The next thing that happened is a little tricky to explain, because of the timing. When we she looked up at me and smiled and said "hey" and I said "Hey, are you the cashier?" and at the same time she says "How've you been? I haven't seen you in a while..." so we're both kind of talking at the same time.And then she realizes what I said (are you the cashier?) and says "oh... yes" and I realize what she said (how've you been, I haven't seen you in a while) and I say "oh, I'm good, how have you been?" and she says something like "fine", and then it's awkward. See, when I asked her if she was the cashier, I simply meant if she was the cashier for that particular register. I'm familiar with the store, and employees kind of switch roles between stocking, running the cash register, the photomat, etc. I was planning to initiate some friendly/flirty conversation once at the counter, but first I asked if she was the cashier, and I think the way that question landed was sort of like I didn't know if she worked there, like I didn't know who she was.That, along with her commenting that we hadn't seen each other in a while. Normally, her saying that would be a very good indicator, as it shows that she at least is keeping track of me. But her saying something like that, and then registering that I just asked her if she was the cashier, like maybe I didn't even remember who she was... or maybe that I wasn't interested in friendly chit-chat, and just wanted to get down to business... anyway, it was very awkward.It was really just a conversational flub, and I should have immediately tried to fix it by engaging her in some small talk, to let her know that of course I know who she is; it's good to see you again, that's a nice outfit, something like that, but it was already awkward and she seemed to kind of shut down a little. So I get flustered and am not sure what to say. Anyway, she rings me up and I tell her to have a nice night, and I'll see her next time. As I said, the whole thing kind of threw me, and this was the best I could do at that moment.I leave the store and I'm playing the whole encounter back in my head, sorting out what had gone wrong, remembering the way I came off, the tone of her voice before and after things became awkward. At the time I wasn't sure how bad it was. Maybe it was no big deal. I made a note-to-self to make sure to be extra Warm & Friendly next time.A couple of days later I go in again. She's not working the main cash register, it's some other person. The place was kind of busy, and then she comes walking around the aisle corner and we are suddenly face-to-face, like we almost ran into each other. I'm looking at her, she's looking at me, and so I see the expression on her face the very instant she lays eyes on me. She doesn't have a second to compose herself, and so the expression is real, and it was not exactly friendly. Not hostile, but there was something there, I saw it.I gave her a very friendly "hey there", and she just keeps on, doesn't respond. Of course, the store was pretty busy, and she had to handle the other cash register, which had a line at that point. So maybe that was all it was, I'm thinking, she was just too busy to deal with me.Well, I went in again last night, and it was just her working the main register, no other customers around. Before I have a chance to say hi, she says "Welcome to Walgreens" which kind of throws me off a little. Welcome to Walgreens? Uh-oh. In a very formal way she asks if she can help me, responding to me exactly as if I were a complete stranger. She no longer remembered which brand I wanted, and she even referred to me as "sir". Twice. She called me "sir" when asking what brand, and then afterward saying something like "goodnight sir".So, yeah. A total freeze-out.So it wasn't my imagination. Apparently there had been a connection, and apparently my little blunder really rubbed her the wrong way. Maybe she thought I actually didn't know who she was. Maybe she thought I was freezing her out for some reason.I still don't know if there was any attraction on her part, but the fact that she very clearly froze me out indicates that there very well might have been. Maybe she was hoping I'd ask for her number, but instead asked "are you the cashier?" like a freaking idiot. Or maybe she had no romantic intentions, but was still offended by my failure to acknowledge the friendly connection.Now I don't know what to do, or if there's anything I can do. I've thought of things like asking her if I did something wrong, but that seems pretty weak. I thought maybe I could tell her I was sorry about that awkward exchange we had before, or try to explain what happened, but I think it's too late for that. I play it out in my imagination, but every time I run it, it comes out bad, and extremely awkward.I thought maybe I could just keep coming in and make a point to always be very friendly with her, and maybe eventually I'd have another chance with her. Based on all of my experiences with females, this seems unlikely. Or maybe if I catch her when the store isn't busy, I could say something like "Hey. So listen. I like you. I thought we had a connection, but then I said something stupid, etc..."If I did this, if I just sprung this on her when she wasn't expecting it, I'd say there's a very good chance that her response would be that she had no idea what I was talking about. That would be intensely humiliating for me, and it might also make her very uncomfortable. I kind of hate to do something like that, to put someone in a position like that at their place of work.I'm puzzled. I feel like whatever I try to do would be kind of a longshot, but I just really don't want to let this one go. Not over a meaningless, stupid little blunder. Anybody have any ideas?(Just read this back and realized the length. If you actually read all this, thank you!)Thanks! via /r/dating_advice

[rissaroundtheworld]

Zen and the Art of Boat Maintenance: A life update which does not include too many feelings

Its been a bit since my last blog post, but I have an excuse! Two actually. The first is that I have been VERY busy, until I stopped being busy, and then I was VERY lazy. The second is that a few weeks ago marked my travel-aversary. A whole year gone! I began to write a blog post full of all kinds of feelings on the matter - I wrote more than two full pages, single spaced, to be exact. It was about how my life had taken all kinds of unexpected turns, how grateful I am to have been able to create a new, better path for myself in life, and all the things that I gained by losing my former life. And before you ask, yes, I am aware that I’m starting this post with atrocious grammar. See what I said earlier about my laziness? Its real.

I wrote two pages, stopped because I was tired or had to do something or got bored, and then couldn’t bring myself to go back to it. Maybe I’ll revisit it one day, but here’s the summary: life was really shitty for awhile, I made a huge and terrifying decision to leave a year ago, it was (very) difficult at times but I learned a lot about myself and about the world and its the best thing I have ever done. And now I’m more self-actualized or whatever and I have better stories. Therapy would have been cheaper but man this has been more fun!

So, in lieu of my feelings-y post, I have decided to write a regular old life update to the tune of my normal posts: nonsensical, with minimal feelings. A true reflection on how I’m trying to live my life!

My last post ended with the conclusion of an incredibly fun charter, followed by the hand (boat) delivery of ice cream cartons from the Kunas. Could life possibly get better? Spoiler alert: it did. Since then we’ve had several more charters, and a LOT more fun. A little backstory: for anyone who hasn’t been to the boat, which is 100% of my reader base except former charter guests and Christie, its an owner’s version Lagoon 380. What this means is that there is a hull entirely dedicated to the “owner,” and now used exclusively by charter guests, with a queen berth and private head. The other hull has the two other berths and another head, and it’s where we sleep. Here’s a snapshot of my charter prep strategy: about two days before each charter I morph into a psychopath and completely scrub the hull where the (two) guests sleep; the day before I scrub the kitchen and decks, and then I throw anything I can’t find a home for/can’t be bothered to clean into the other hull. Which is usually a LOT of stuff. I do not allow guests to look because its an embarrassment of epic proportions, but it works. Until four people come on board.

Cue panic. I’ve discovered that I panic much more easily these days, which may have something to do with nearly a decade of not being able to panic about anything ever without having to deal with a counter-panic infinitely worse than whatever the original problem was. But I digress. Now I had to clean BOTH hulls! I know, you’re all very sympathetic. In all honesty, it was a lot of work, but I was really excited about this charter. You see, we have to do a fair amount of communication with our guests beforehand. It begins with general information: making sure our guests understand the logistics of getting to us, checking about dietary restrictions (more of the pain of meal planning in another post), inquiring about general interests. Guests often have many questions as well, since most of them haven’t been on a trip like this before. The point is that, when you charter with us, we get to judge you via email beforehand. This is entirely unfair and we’ve been wrong plenty of times, but sometimes we’re right in the best way possible. This was the case for this charter. I had a good feeling from the very beginning, but then I got an email with this quote: “We all love sushi, no dietary restrictions for us. We will be bringing some tequila after hearing that you make a mean Margarita, do we need to bring other ingredients besides the tequila?” Yep. I knew we would all be best friends, and I was right. We drank far too many margaritas (re-named Marissa-ritas, Tracie you had better start calling them this), played games (they brought their own, scoring an infinite number of points with me), ate great food, listened to killer jamz, saw amazing sunsets… we really had so much fun. On our final night we ran out of tequila, but no one missed a beat when we substituted rum into the newly named “rum-aritas.” We put out our underwater green light to attract ocean life, and were treated with a spotted eagle ray who seemed to just want to hang with us (or she smelled the freshly cooked Mackerel). We named her Rachael Ray. After a “few” rum-aritas, I looked over to see Nate in full dive gear jumping into the ocean. In the name of camaraderie, or rum, or both, the rest of us dove in after him, which was the start of my very first night dive. Rachael Ray let us swim right up to her for quite some time, and when she tired of us, we took turns diving down around the green light to investigate what was beneath it. It was, most definitely, one of the coolest things I’ve done in a long time.  

Our guests left, and you might think this is the end of the story because how could things be better? But things continued to go up! Prior to the four person charter, Nate and I discussed the possibility of bringing on another crew member. This seemed like a good choice for two reasons: one, when guests are on board I work from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed. I love what I do and it honestly doesn’t feel like work, but the idea of having a helping hand made me pee my pants just a little bit. Maybe I would be able to sit down and get to know our guests! Or not finish each day feeling like my legs may be broken, watching the skin on my hands peel off and disappear into the ocean! Two, after being on a boat with one other person in the middle of nowhere for six months now, I’ve discovered that I like to talk. A lot. Nate... not so much! I needed someone to talk to, and he needed someone for me to talk to. And just like that, Heather was on board, and she and I were immediate best friends. In addition, she did the dishes! And lots of other things! She made me realize what a shitty volunteer I was while I was traveling, because she worked HARD. She was great company, she knew all of my music (a BIG plus), she tolerated my obsession with games, and she enjoyed Balboa as much as Nate and I do. It was a match made in heaven. As we prepped for the next charter, Nate and I couldn’t figure out why we had so much free time, or why we felt so relaxed. We were paranoid that we had forgotten something, but in all reality… having crew took such a huge load off. We were SO grateful, and I was able to enjoy our next charter (a young Dutch couple who insisted on drinking beer and playing Cards Against Humanity every night… not a problem on this boat!), SO much more!

The charter ended and we once again walked away with new friends. But, now, it was time for something slightly less exciting: during all this fun, there had been a small (huge) problem. Both engines had issues, one of which was big. Nate is incredibly capable when it comes to boat maintenance and repair, but this one (two) required outside help. So, we blocked the rest of September off of our calendar and sailed to Puerto Lindo for maintenance. Heather the magical human kept me distracted on the passage so I didn’t feel sick. We spent 4-5 days upon arrival doing absolutely nothing. We went out to eat. I had cheesecake. We had ICE CREAM! We ordered sundaes at a nearby restaurant, and all asked for the “adult” ice cream. The server said “do you know what this means? It comes with rum on top.” We’ve been back nearly everyday since.

One engine is coming out today. We’re here for (hopefully) two weeks of boat repair, then sailing back to San Blas for our October charters. We are trying to remain zen. I have a bit more free time than usual, so I’m experimenting on new recipes. I’m also walking on land a lot, which is weird. When we’re too lazy to cook we go out to eat. And of course, we continue to keep Balboa stock at an all time high, and feelings at an all time low. So there you have it. A non-sensical, feelings free update on life. Want to know more? Come visit :)

PS: if you have any favorite recipes that are fish/chicken/veg based and are fairly simple, send them my way! If I use them for charters I will rename the dish in your honor. Pinky swear.

[beautiful-liu]

Chapter 22 - Remember me - Kryber

Title: Remember me

Pairing: Kryber [Amber Liu x Krystal Jung] Fandom: f(x) Genre: Drama, romance

Summary: The bad ass androgynous girl Amber Josephine Liu with a sex, drugs and rock-‘n-roll attitude whom everybody seemed to fear and admire at the same time, with the flash of a smug smile on her handsome face, and a sigaret or lolly pop in her mouth, depending on her mood. A leather jacket always hugging her shoulders, ripped jeans and a loose tank top that displayed just a tiny bit of her sports bra when she lifted her tattoo-filled arms. Everyone was weak for Amber Liu. Krystal simply didn’t see it. Until that one night she accidentally met her, and met a whole other person than the stories she had been made to believe. Word count: 5900 Rating: T A/N: Excuse the grammar mistakes. This is my first time writing a multi chaptered fic. Hope y'all enjoy the progress!

Read it on: AO3 & asianfanfics

Moodboard: x

For the following days, Krystal's smile couldn't be whiped off of her face. Now that she had finally made up her mind and set up a new goal to achieve, she felt a lot less restless. In fact, she almost felt happy. Of course, they were gonna go through a rough time, since she and Amber had to convince her father to still give her the company, despite the fact that she didn't want to marry Kai. And on top of that, she also had to break up with the man she had been together for years. Both men were defenitely not going to like it. But Krystal has been opressed by men all of her life and she was done with the endless rules for women to maintain made up by boring, old, wealthy, white men in power. She wanted to live her life like she wanted to. As CEO with Amber by her side. That's what she wanted and that was what she was going to achieve. When she had returned home, late that evening, Kai had waited for her. Krystal had hoped he would've gone to bed already, but it had been in vain. Even though it was almost one o'clock, Kai was still up. "I thought you were sick," he muttered, when Krystal closed the door. When she took off her coat and hung it up, she realized with a shock that she still wore Amber's R2-D2 sweater. Quickly she crossed her arms in front of her chest to hide the funny Star Wars character, hoping Kai wouldn't notice. He wasn't such a film junkie, so if she was lucky, he didn't even know R2-D2 was part of Star Wars. But would he recognize it as a sweater that wasn't hers? It didn't exactly fit in her wardrobe... "I was, but I felt better, so I went for a walk.." she mutterd. Kai raised one of his eyebrows. "A walk that lasts more than 5 hours? Kind of much, don't you think, after being sick for two days?" he asked. Krystal pressed her lips together and took her time to answer. "Well, I rested in between, you know... took a seat in the café nearby," she muttered. "I just needed some time alone." "Some time away from me?" he asked immediately, whilst turning his face towards the TV again. Krystal's eyes shot open. "N-no, of course not," she tried to say as casually as possible. She chuckled awkwardly. "I know you, Krystal Jung. If you don't want to be around anyone, you come home. The only reason why you would flight from our apartment is because of me." Krystal fell silent. Kai looked up at her and smiled weakly. She couldn't smile back, just stare. "And I think I know why," he said, as he stood up. Kai walked towards her and Krystal was suddenly aware how much taller he was than her. She had always thought of his height as attractive, but with only the TV to light the room, it made him look creepy. A chill ran down her spine. "Two days ago, you know, when we were... you, know, having sex. You really, really don't have to feel guilty that it didn't work. I had a great time, I always have a great time with you, no matter what," he said. Krystal opened her mouth to object — because he was thinking in such a wrong direction — but prevented herself from saying anything. Maybe it was better to just let him talk and live in a delusion than to break it to him now that he was probably the last person she wanted to have sex with. "You really don't have to feel guilty, Krystal. You're not broken and it's not weird. I have read about it online, you know, there are a lot of women who have diffeculty with.. you know, getting turned on." Krystal closed her mouth again and sighed. "I know I am not broken..." she said softly. She knew she wasn't and that she had no problem getting aroused either. Kai simply wasn't the right person. Krystal had always had that habit of only wanting sexual activity with a person she was in love with; she couldn't just jump on any man or woman just because she felt like having sex. And even though she trusted Kai, she couldn't get herself to think of him sexually. She had to be in love or it simply didn't work. And Amber made her feel everything she ever wanted to feel, whilst Kai was only just safe. He was home. His smell, his arms around her, his low voice. He was everything that made her feel safe. But Krystal didn't want to feel safe. She wanted those butterflies in her stomach and her heart pumping adrenaline through her body. She wanted her heart to make extra hours and her mind dazed, not being able to concentrate on anything when the other is so close. She felt like that around Amber, even though they hadn't seen each other for such a long time. Perhaps true love never dies. "-so never think any less of yourself. You please me enough not to want anyone else." Krystal jerked her head up, realizing that she had missed more than half of the speech Kai had been giving her. Supressing a sour expression, she nodded and showed a weak smile. Oh, if only you wanted someone else too... In the following weeks, Krystal led a secretive life, switching from her role as CEO to the accommodating, quiet fiancée to the adventurous lover. Her days consisted of going to work, seeing Amber at lunch — either because she brought her home made sandwiches or took her out for lunch if Krystal's scedule wasn't packed, which if often was — and quickly after work, going home to Kai, get dinner and quickly get to bed. Sometimes she made an excuse that she had a late meeting, so that she could see Amber. Her father often had ones too and it wasn't uncommon for a new business partner to only be available at moments which were either early in the morning or after normal working hours. Jung Internationals was trying to scedule Song Software to join them, but it was hard since the CEO was a stately woman with a straight back, an emotionless beautiful face and deep, dark eyes that looked like every single emotion had been sucked out of them. Krystal had been trained in keeping her emotions under control but this Victoria took it to a whole new level. She was a hard nut to crack and she tried to get everything out of the deal. But Krystal wouldn't be herself if she wouldn't try the same. So the two women kept battling. Kai was aware of the trouble with recruiting Song Software, so he never asked a single thing when she returned around midnight, tired out. And she didn't even need to lie. All the meetings with Victoria Song happened in the afternoon, so whatever happened at the meeting, she told Kai after she returned from her "meeting". On weekends, Krystal was forced to spend more time with her fiancée. And sometimes that just consisted of them going out for dinner or meeting up with his parents. That wasn't so bad. During the dinners she almost forgot that she was supposed to dump him soon. She remembered why she had agreed upon dating him in the first place. Kai wasn't the worst person to be around, and he still was her best friend. They had a lot of fun together. But as soon as the laughter died out, her heart started to yearn for Amber again. More often than not, she told Kai that she would meet up for Jessica for a girls' day out — and Kai being the typical man that he is, wouldn't dare to join them — whilst in fact she went to Amber. Krystal was stuck in a string of lies that kept going on and on and she knew she would have to stop sooner rather than later because the concequences would be even uglier if she was caught lying instead of admitting it. "So, who're shall I tell first? Dad or Kai?" Amber rose her eyebrows. "So you're gonna tell them?" she asked. Krystal pressed her body tighter to Amber's. The long lounge sofa had become their favorite spot to cuddle, especially on rainy, late Sunday afternoons. With the pillows from Amber's bed and a few blankets, they were nice and cozy at all times while they talked through things. "I think it's for the best. Better do it sooner rather than later, right?" Amber looked down to her and nodded, smiling approvingly. "Are you nervous?" she asked. Krystal let a long sigh escape from her lips. "Tell me something... Every time I try to make up a good conversation starter to break the ice, I panic and feel like throwing up," she muttered. Amber wrapped her arms around her body and pulled her closer, so Krystal could lay her head upon her shoulder. "You're overthinking again." "I am not." "Oh you definitely are. I never make up conversation starters in my head when I approach people. I just do it and don't think," Amber said proudly. The brunette rolled her eyes. "Yeah, okay, but maybe it's handy to have like a strategy here because my father isn't some kind of random person who is charmed by my looks. He is going to want valid arguments, but I literally have none." "You are in love," Amber said, with a short shrug. "Yeah, that's exactly the reason dad wouldn't want to hear. He always told me that emotions cloud judgement and that love makes one weaker when it comes to getting the job done. A CEO should be completely focused on their job, bla-bla-bla, all that crap. Being in love would just mean that I have to get over my feelings and do what's right for the company and the family." Amber thought for a moment. "Then wouldn't it be wise to first secure your position as CEO, so that you don't have to get permission from your father anymore and just take over Jung Internationals?" Krystal let out a sound that was best described as a mix of a snicker and a sigh. "I'm getting Jung Internationals, my official title as CEO, as a wedding gift. And well, I am not going to marry Kai. That's the whole problem. So, who do you think I should approach first? Dad or Kai?" Amber sighed and rubbed with her fingers in her eyes. Krystal understood the feeling, she herself was getting a headache too. "Shall we just toss a coin? I mean, it’s gonna suck either way." Krystal chuckled and nodded. “I suppose you’re right. It’s gonna suck” She had chosen Kai. Eventually, they had both agreed to tell Kai first, since the wedding was coming up rather soon and she needed to blow it off before anything bad could happen. They already lost lots of money to the preparations, but Krystal couldn’t care less. Money was one of the things that mattered the least at the moment. Krystal had also chosen him first because she reckoned he would be the one who would take the news the best. Perhaps his mind would settle now too, since he finally had an answer to Krystal’s absentmindedness over last couple of weeks. Not to mention her overall unwillingness to be intimate with him. But telling Kai, her best friend for the past four years, was still tricky. He was bad in controlling his temper and Krystal knew for sure that there was going to be a fight. Nevertheless, she knew he’d never hurt her. He loved her too much for that. That didn’t take away her anxiousness though, she was still scared to death for his reaction. Krystal had never been able to take screaming people very well. They let a week pass, so they could prepare. “Do I need to go with you inside?” Amber asked her, when she dropped her off at her apartment building. Krystal smiled, kissed her cheek and shook her head. “This is something I really need to do alone, but I appreciate the offer.” “Then shall I wait for you here outside? If something goes wrong then you can-“ Krystal chuckled softly and shook her head again. “It’s going to be okay, I’m going to be fine. Go home, I’ll call you when he has settled down, okay?” Amber simply sighed dramatically and nodded. They kissed a final time before Krystal got out of Amber’s car and walked back home. Once she stood in the elevator, she didn’t feel that calm anymore. Her belly was tickling of nervousness and it made her sick to her stomach. Knowing that she would break Kai’s heart in a matter of minutes was hard to wrap your head around. In a few moments she would lose her best friend… But her mind was clear; the decision made; she would do it, no matter what. Finally, it was time to make her own happiness a priority. Krystal was painfully aware of her body and all the small movements it made. As soon as the doors of the elevator opened, she walked towards her own front door, aware of her own weight pressuring the floor beneath her. Slowly, she took out her keys, sought the right one, turned the lock and entered her apartment. As expected, Kai was waiting for her. Previously, they had decided to grab dinner with the two of them again. Not something fancy, just take out. Since Krystal's busy life as a cheater, she hadn't been able to spend much time with Kai anymore. She was either at work or as much as she could without making it look suspicious with Amber. He had also noticed that and had proposed a simple get together, just some pizza and a movie. It was a bit strange because Kai normally didn't eat fatty food, nor did she, and he wasn't a movie-person. Yet she had told him she would clear some time off of her scedule, mainly because she wanted this Saturday evening to be the night she would tell him. The pizza was still steaming hot. She had probably just missed the courier. Kai was already scrolling through their Netflix account that both of them barely used, looking for a movie he wouldn't end up watching either way. When she entered the apartment, he looked up, smiling brightly. Her fiancée got up from the couch and walked over to her to place a kiss on her cheek. With a weak smile she received it. "You already ordered?" she asked as she peeked over his shoulder to the two carton boxes on their coffee table. Kai shrugged. "I reckoned it'd arrive when you would, so we could eat immediately. I ordered your favorite, with paprikas and champignons." Krystal smiled at him and nodded. "Let me just change into something more comfertable," she said, as she signed towards the dress she was wearing. He laughed softly and nodded. "Don't make it too long, the pizza will grow cold." Krystal quickly hopped into their bedroom to take off her dress. Quickly she changed into her jogging pants and a loose t-shirt. It didn't happen often that Krystal Jung was found in her comfertable clothes. If she wasn't wearing her formal clothes, she still wore a blouse and tight jeans. Jogging pants were almost always out of question. She returned towards the living room. The smell of pizza made her belly growl, but she told herself that she probably wouldn't be eating pizza tonight. Kai's eyebrows shot up in surprise when he saw her. Krystal's eyes shifted to the TV. "I thought we could maybe start a show together. I'm not much of a rom-com kind of person but I know you like these things so..." Kai said when he saw her look. The screen showed a show called 'You Me Her'. Krystal pressed her lips tightly upon each other. "Kai... I can't," she muttered. Kai looked up. "Do you not like this show? We can always watch something else or-" "No. It's not the movie. Or the pizza. Or you. I simply can't." Kai frowned confusedly. "You can't do what?" "Be with you," she forced out of her mouth. Her voice had turned hoarse now that she had to set more volume to it. The words felt like knives in her throat, scarring up her insides on their way out. Kai chuckled nervously. "Krystal, what do you mean?" She sighed and ran with her hand through her hair. With a heavy heart, she sat down next to him on the couch. She took his hands into hers. "I.. I need to tell you something... And I have been wanting to tell you this for quite a while. And I know you will be angry when you hear what I want to tell you." Kai took his hands back and stared at her in disbelief. "What is it, Krystal?" he demanded. She took a deep breath, pointed her eyes at the ground and bit down on her lip hard. Kai asked again but she barely heard it. "I have been having an affair." There was a silence. She didn't dare to look up to him, afraid for the expression on his face. Krystal fixated her gaze on a certain spot on the floor. "With who?" it eventually sounded. Kai seemed way too calm to be okay and it scared her for what was about to come. Krystal bit down on her lip. "Amber Liu." This time, the silence endured longer than the one before. Much longer. A minute, maybe two passed before he said anything. "The party..." he only muttered. "You have been... since the party?" Krystal formed fists with her hand when she nodded. Suddenly, Kai stood up from the couch and walked away. Krystal's head jerked up. She saw how Kai had walked towards the kitchen counter. He placed his hands upon the edge, his head hung low. She could see his muscles underneath his blouse tighten every time he breathed shakily. Krystal wanted to get up to reassure him, to help him, to comfort him, but before she could, Kai looked back to her. His gaze burned right through her façade to her soul. His eyes had darkened dangerously and when Krystal returned his look, she could feel all of his anger vibrating off of him. With his hair down, casting a shadow over his face, he looked more like a devil than ever. He formed fists with his hands. Krystal widened her eyes startled. Even though he didn’t say anything, she hadn’t seen him so angry ever before. “Tell me this is a lie, Krystal,” he hissed, his voice low and dangerous. Krystal was completely dumb-found. “I-I..” she stuttered. She had a hard job to control the growing bubble of panic in her belly. With every heartbeat it seemed to get worse. “TELL ME IT’S A LIE!” Kai bellowed. Tears started to leak out of her eyes. “I can’t..” she sniffled. Her fiancée stared at her with a strange expression, as if he couldn’t believe his eyes. Krystal looked away and pulled her legs up on the couch. “I love her, Kai.. I always have and I thought I had gotten over her but-“ “You thought,” Kai spat towards her, as if the words tasted like poison on her tongue. Krystal cringed at his tone. “You thought you had fallen out of love. You thought it’d be a good idea to date me instead. You thought you wouldn’t fall in love again but you did,”he growled. “Is that what you thought, Krystal?” She nodded, tears streaming over her face. Yes.. yes she had indeed thought all of that. She had wanted it to be true, it’d be so much easier if her feelings for Kai were just true.. But they weren’t. Kai huffed. His fist connected with the fridge, making a hollow sound fill the room. He didn’t even flinch at the pain. “How could you do that to me? Don’t you know I’d do everything for you?” he screamed at her. “I love you!” Krystal sniffled and tried to wipe her tears away. New ones simply replaced the old ones. “I can’t control my own heart, Kai,” she tried, but Kai shook his head. “No, loving someone is not something you cannot influence. You could’ve just stopped seeing her! You could’ve cut her off and done what’s best for yourself, for us!” “But I can’t… I have done that all of my life, Kai,” she sobbed desperately. “I can’t do that anymore or I’d kill myself. I can’t live like that anymore. I need someone-“ “YOU HAVE ME!” “But that’s not enough! I need Amber, Kai. I need her otherwise I won’t survive.” They were both breathing hard and fast, staring at each other in utter helplessness. “So now you’re telling me you want to be with her instead? That low-classed, rude, scruffy-looking, filthy lesb-“ “Don’t call her that,” Krystal warned. She was surprised by the sureness in her voice. Even though her eyes were still wet and her body was still shaking, her mind was clear and she wouldn’t want Kai to ever speak of Amber like that. But he just laughed. He laughed at her. “And why the hell not? Is she not the fucking lesbian that stole my fiancée? She did something to you, right? Did she touch you? She fucking touched you, did she not? Nowadays everyone is a damned lesbian and now they stole you too. If I ever see her again-“ “The only one who touched me against my will was you, Kai!” Krystal screamed back. This seemed to take him back a bit. He stared at her, with wide eyes. For a moment, a silence settled between them, that was only broken by Krystal’s panting. “Take that back,” he eventually demanded. “Take that back, Krystal. I always asked you, you always wanted to.” Krystal showed him a weak smile. “I never wanted to.” Kai’s face went blank. “And you do want to with her?” he asked. Krystal nodded and sighed. She wiped the tears off of her face and she ran with her hand through her hair. Krystal bit down hard on her lip. “I’m out.” Kai had already turned around when Krystal’s head shot up. He walked over to the door, grabbed his coat and his shoes, putting them on swiftly. “No, Kai, wait-“ “There is no need, Krystal. I know when I’m not wanted,” he barked at her, before closing the front door with a bang behind him. Krystal flinched at the sound. With a sigh, she let herself fall back onto the couch and curled herself up in a small ball; she was still shaking. The smell of pizza had worn off and so had the hunger in her belly. Instead an empty feeling washed over her. Almost an hour later, she remembered that she had promised to call Amber after the fight was over. By now, her tears had dried up and the hungry feeling had returned. She had eaten a few slices, after warming the pizza up again – it had grown cold in the meantime. She typed in Amber’s number, since she knew it by heart, and pressed the phone against her ear. The device rang a few times, before it got picked up. “Hey..” Amber muttered, at the other side of the line. Her voice was hoarse. “Hey, the fight’s over. Ah well, it ended a while ago, I just forgot to call,” she said. Amber made a ‘hmm’-sound. “How did it go?” “It sucked. Kai left and he won’t pick up his phone, though. I don’t know where he is.” “He probably… need to cool down a bit..” Amber replied. “I suppose so. Don’t all men need to? Either way, shall I come over? I’m really in need for a hug right now.” “Ehm, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Krystal frowned. “What? Why not?” Amber let a nervous chuckle escape her mouth. “You know, I’m working and such. It’s better if you’re not there. I’d get embarrassed, you know-“ she quickly said. “No, I can just wait? Prepare us a meal? Watch a movie? I won’t bother you,” she said. Amber cleared her throat. Her voice turned normal again, but it still seemed like it hurt her to talk. “Really, Krystal, believe me, it’s better if-“ “I’m coming over right now, bye!” Krystal said, before ending the call abruptly. She took her coat and shoes – didn’t even bother to change – and walked out of the apartment. Krystal immediately raced off in her car. It took her only ten minutes to get from her apartment to Amber's, even though it was a 20 minute drive. When she had called her, Amber's voice had sounded so unsettling, as if she wanted to hide something. Krystal couldn't help herself to immediately think that there was something wrong. Perhaps she was back with Luna and that was why she didn't want her to come over. When people cheated, didn't they usually use the lie of having to work, whilst they in reality spent time with their lover? Krystal herself had done that too. It wouldn't even surprise her. Luna was the ultimate girlfriend. She was caring and bubbly, lovable and had a spicy edge. She dared to open her mouth and didn't have diffecult family to deal with. She was Amber's collegue so they spent a lot of time together, especially when Amber was working on new songs for Luna's album. She was pretty and well-known with a good sum of money to her name. Luna was the perfect girlfriend. Krystal parked her car swiftly in front of Amber's apartment building. Her heart was racing in her chest. Even though she was burning to find out what was wrong with Amber, she was also very afraid. Maybe... maybe it indeed was Luna. Would she even want to know if it was Luna? She broke up with Kai, there was nothing to go back to now. If Amber was having an affair with Luna too, then she had sacrificed everything for nothing. The elevator ride seemed to last forever. Once the doors opened, Krystal almost ran outside. She just had enough dignity left to keep it on walking fastly. The door to Amber's apartment was closed, which was unusual. Whenever Amber was home, she let the front door open for her. Awkwardly, she rang the bell. Krystal wrapped her arms around her body while she was waiting. Her teeth caught her lower lip between them. Eventually, the door slowly opened.. Krystal looked up, for a moment unable to breathe. Krystal placed her hand in front of her mouth that had fallen open. "What happened to your face...?!" she breathed in horror. Amber groaned and let her into the apartment. She couldn't stop looking at her face, still with a horrid expression on her face. "Dear God..." Amber's face looked terrible. Her right eye had turned sickly purple. The whole skin around it was swollen, causing her right eye to be almost swollen shut. Her lip was bloody and the wound was still open. There was dried up blood underneath her nose. "I told you not to come..." Amber muttered, as she rubbed the back of her head. Krystal slowly let her hand fall. "Well obviously it was the right choice. Who the heck did this to you?" she demanded. Amber let herself fall on her couch and groaned of pain when she buried her face in the pillows. She murmured something which Krystal couldn't understand, but it sounded a lot like... "Kai?" "Yes... Your fiancée..." Amber muttered, as she looked up from the pillows. Krystal sat down next to her and helped her to sit up right. She growned; obviously her whole body hurted. "Did you know he took lessons in karate? Because I found out as soon as he started," Amber murmered bitterly. Krystal bit her lip. "I knew he took lessons as a kid but I didn't know he was this good... oh Amber, I'm so sorry... I didn't know he'd do somehing like that," Krystal said softly. It took a lot of power and skills to overpower Amber Josephine Liu. Krystal knew all about her past and she knew Amber had some skills in street fighting. Kai must've either taken by surprise or really, really hit her hard. Even though Amber knew how to fight, she was still a woman and women had less muscles than men. Especially because Kai almost daily worked out in the gym and took extra supplies to build muscle mass. Amber sighed. "It's not your fault." Krystal lifted her hand to lightly touch Amber's eye. At first, the other woman tried to turn away, but seemed to realize that Krystal wouldn't hurt her and let her touch the sore spot. Nevertheless, she gritted her teeth when Krystal let the tip of her finger trail over the sensitive skin. "It is... I should have never let him get out of the apartment," she muttered. Amber shook her head. "He needed something to distract him, someone to blame for what has happened. I suppose I could've seen this coming. Gotta admit I still don't like it that he messed up my face though," Amber sighed. "Could you perhaps get me some of that bruise paste I have in my bathroom. I used to have a blue eye ninety percent of the time in college so I kept the tube." "Y-yes of course!" Krystal immediately blurted out. She ran towards the bathroom and sought for the tube. It took her a few minutes but eventually she returned. She put some on her finger and started to apply it on Amber's face. She groaned softly, but the longer Krystal went on, the more her moans turned into sighs. The paste relieved some of the pain, it was probably numbing. "You should go after him, you know, talk things through... so my other eye won't turn out blue as well," Amber said. Krystal sighed and nodded. "It didn't turn out as smooth as I thought it would... he got very angry," she sighed. Tiredness suddenly washed over her and she finally felt how much energy the fight had drained from her. Amber's gaze softened and she pulled Krystal in a hug. "Can't I stay here for tonight? I don't want to go home.." Amber planted a kiss on her head and nodded. "You can stay as long as you like." Krystal sighed and nodded. She let her head rest against Amber's shoulder and let her be hugged. Later that evening, when Krystal had already fallen asleep on the couch a couple of times, Amber carried her to bed. Woken up by the sudden change of room, she let Amber tuck her in. She couldn't help to watch her when she undressed. Amber – being under the impression that she was already asleep again – didn't notice her gaze wandering over her body when she took off her shirt. Seeing the fresh bruises on her ribcase as well, Krystal bit her lip hard. With every move she made, Amber seemed to groan of pain. She wondered how she ever could've carried her to the bedroom... Amber put on another shirt, but the bruises seemed to almost light up underneath the fabric now that Krystal had seen them and knew they were there. The fact that Amber hadn't showed them to her when she was treating her with the bruise paste made her realize that Amber was probably a bit ashamed that she hadn't been able to stop Kai when he had leaped at her. It saddened her that she tried to keep that hidden from her. That's why she turned around to face her as soon as Amber got in the bed. The other girl shuddered. "You startled me! I thought you were sleeping already," Amber exclaimed. Her face immediately turned guilty, knowing all too well that she had been caught. Krystal nudged closer to her and let her fingers trail towards the edge of her shirt, slowly lifting it up. "Can I see?" she asked softly. Amber sighed and nodded. Krystal prepped herself up on one elbow and lifted Amber's shirt with the other. When she exposed the bruises again, she couldn't help but sigh. "I didn't want to concern you.." Amber muttered. Krystal turned her eyes away from the bruises and into her eyes. She smiled weakly. "Could you please don't lie to me... after all that has happened, eight years ago, I can't-" "I'm sorry," Amber immediately said. Krystal nodded, her smile slowly faltering. The other girl took her closer, pressing a kiss on her lips. And suddenly, a great need of wanting to kiss her washed over her when their lips collided for a second. Amber had just pecked her lips, but Krystal came back wanting more. She kissed Amber softly and she immediately got the hint. Kissing her like that felt like kissing clouds; her lips so soft; her scent clouding her mind. Krystal was careful enough not to place her hands anywhere near her hips in case of hurting her, but kept them cupped around her cheek. Amber kissed her back lovingly. There was nothing sexual to the kiss because they knew that tonight would be very inconvenient. They didn't want to turn tonight about sex. They just wanted each other and each other's love. That's what they wanted and that's what they got. The kiss made Krystal feel like the world was right at her feet. And when they broke up and snuggled against each other, Krystal spooned Amber. Usually, she was the little spoon, mostly because she was tinier than Amber and she was the less progressive one. But now that Amber was hurting, she wanted to give her the same feeling Amber always gave her when they slept together: the feeling of secureness in the other's arms. So, as soft as she could, Krystal placed her arm around her body. With a sigh, she placed her head on the pillow. Her eyes fell shut immediately. But there was still a single thought left clouding her mind, keeping her from falling asleep immediately. "Amber... I love you," she muttered. She felt Amber stir for a moment. "I should've said that eight years ago and I was stupid that I waited too long. I want you to know now. If something happens in the days to follow, then you at least know." Amber let out a little chuckle. "I love you too, Krystal. Don't ever forget that."