#aterlupus

[adenial-a]

@aterlupus​ continued from x

     there  are  no  words  to  describe  the  knife  that  slices  away  at  her  chest . she  breathes , and  sucks  it  in  further , wondering  if  this  would  be  the  final  straw  that  breaks  her  heart  completely . a  taut  string  snaps  after  being  wrung  around  a  finger  over  and  over  and  over  again , and  leaves  the  skin  it  touched  pressed  &  molded  in  it’s  shape .       that’s  how  she  feels . like  a  string  finally  snapping . every  tally , every  mark , of  sorrow  and  grief  she  experienced  rounded  the  circumference  of  her  body , crushing  her  down , and  in  a  desperate  bid  to  find  something  that  needed  her  as  much  as  she  needed  them  she  was  cut  down  again .    with  every  word  he  spoke  in  denial  of  her  request , she  shrunk . arms  wounded  their  way  across  her  torso , and  her  shoulders  shrunk . her  head  lowered . she  carried  herself  like  she  would  fall  apart  if  she  didn’t  hold  it  all  together , staring  up  at  gaius  and  feeling  like  a  child  scolded .      she  feels  anger  like  never  before  well  up  inside  of  her  chest , like  fire  and  bile  burning  the  back  of  her  throat . she  feels  like  crying , and  screaming , and  raging  defiantly  against  the  lot  in  life  she  had  been  given .      it’s  not  gaius’  fault , not  really . a  rational  mind  would  know  this , be  able  to  understand  that  his  children  always  came  first , but  lovek  had , for  the  most  part , lived  a  life  denied  selfish  desires  despite  how  prevalent  they  burned  in  her  throat . she  knew  it  when  she  married  him  where  his  priorities  lied , and  had  even  accepted  them , but  no  one  had  really  explained  what  it  meant .       they  never  had  the  time  or  chance  to  be  selfish  with  each  other . she  never  really  had  the  chance  to  be  made  to  feel  like  she  was  special  to  him . and  that  reality  is  what  she  had  agreed  to , naive  as  she  was .     the  bitterness  rises , pricks  tears  in  her  eyes , and  a  shaking  hand  rises  to  run  through  the  messy  disaster  that  was  her  unkempt  hair . she  laughed , soft  and  airy , before  looking  away  from  gaius  towards  the  seafront  horizon  casting  gentle  light  across  the  city .     “   have  i  ever  actually  asked  you  for  anything , before ?   “   she  asks  then , an  emptiness  in  her  voice . it’s  an  unfair  question , manipulative  in  nature , and  futile  as  well . she  doesn’t  say  it  out  loud  to  pressure  some  sort  of  percieved  right  to  gaius , but  because , in  her  mind , it’s  a  truth .       her  chin  wobbles , and  she  sucks  in  a  defiant  breath  and  swallows  it  like  a  petulant  child , before  burying  her  face  into  the  palm  of  her  hands  and  letting  a  choked  sound  break  through .      “   you  could  ask  me ,   “   she  sobbed , rubbing  at  her  eyes , finally  letting  the  dam  break . she  hiccuped , and  let  her  breath  shudder ,   “   ask  me . ask  me  to  stay !      “   just  show  me  one  fucking  sign  that  you  actually  care !   “   she  screamed  at  him , snapping  like  a  branch , her  incredible  sorrow  falling  out  of  her  in  a  torrent  of  anger , taking  a  step  closer  to  him .       “   all  you’ve  done  is  abandon . you  abandoned  me , you  abandoned  your  children , you  abandoned  your  empire , your  friends . you’ve  run  away  from  everything  in  your  life  and  suddenly , magically , now  that  all  of  your  children  are  dead  because  you  left  them  you  want  to  play  the  good  man ?   “      her  words  were  uncalled  for , and  she  was  wrong  for  having  said  it , but  it  leaves  her  tongue  before  she  has  the  chance  to  realize  what  she’s  done . she  flinches  at  her  own  self , stepping  back  like  it  was  gaius  who  had  burned  them  and  not  herself .      “   haven’t  i  been  good  enough ?   “   she  asked  him  meekly , her  eyes  pleading  for  something  that  she  knows  she’ll  never  have .   “   i  spent  so  much  of  myself  trying  to  keep  them  safe , keep  them ... together , after  you  went  and  got  yourself  blown  up . and  i  know ! i  know  you  never  fucking  asked  me  to . wasn’t  my  fucking  job  to  do  it . but  i  loved  them , i  loved  you  --   “     she  hesitates , her  breath  catching  in  her  throat , and  her  anger  recedes  back  into  sorrow . her  overwhelming  grief  falls  out  of  her  in  the  calling  card  of  a  broken  sob , and  she  might  just  fall  over  in  the  grief  she  feels .     “   why  can’t  anyone  i  love  want  me  enough  to  stay , gaius ?   “   she  asks , trembling ,  “   why  can’t  someone , anyone , feel  obligated  to  me ? am  i  truly  so  worthless ?    “

[malureni]

Keeps pouring oatmeal all over the floors.

WHY ARE YOU IN MY HOUSE AGAIN I LITERALLY HAVE A RESTRAINING ORDER WHERE ARE YOU GETTING ALL THIS OATMEAL

[nossumusmanus]

Continued from here:

Dark blue eyes stare the other man down, as if attempting to bore straight into his very soul. His lips part just enough to reveal gritted teeth; a growl rumbles up from his throat, bordering onto a snarl. They're reminiscent of two dogs ready to lunge at each-other's jugular at any moment. But there's something else behind his steely gaze -- desperation, despair. A need to know the truth. No, if Quintus was being honest with not just Gaius, but also with himself, he would find that he doesn't want to believe that the other (former) commander was responsible for the assassination. He wants to believe what he had been told amidst the muddled rumors that circulated throughout the capital before its fall, that the killing had been orchestrated by Titus and Nerva with help from the IIIrd Legion in order to put the latter on the throne… Perhaps it is simply more convenient to blame Gaius, due to Gaius's stance of neutrality rather than the man's presence in the throne room on that ill-fated day. Bit by bit his stance eases, and his jaw relaxes, but his brow furrows ever so slightly. No, looking at the younger man here and now, he doesn't believe it. He can't believe it. Despite everything that had happened with the XIVth and their relationship to His Radiance, they would never go so far as that. That is what Quintus believes. Gloved fingers twitch then close around the hilt of the greatsword fastened to his back, but he makes no effort to withdraw it. "… I am not here to fight you," comes the eventual, almost tentative reply. "There would be no contest -- you would best me before I could so much as lift my blade, much less swing it." Finally, his gaze shifts away, off to the side as he contemplates his next response. Then he sighs, shoulders shrugging in resignation. In this scenario, the best approach may well be bluntness, rather than tact or scathing quips like he would usually retort with. "Rumors that the crown prince is possessed by a demon. That it was you who had slain Emperor Varis, then others saying that it was an effort by the IIIrd to ascend Nerva to the throne… And then that roar, that horrid roar, and --" He can't bring himself to finish that sentence. Gaius likely already knows, anyway. "…You were there in his final moments. What happened, really? I must know."

@aterlupus

[kintsugiscars-archive]

[ @aterlupus from here ]

While he understood the need for caution, Lex had hoped that maybe he could convince the Scions to let him have a better cell. But of course not - tensions were far too high for that.

This, truly, was the best he could do. A meager bucket of fresh water and a clean cloth with some simple medical supplies. No one else dared come closer to the injured wolf.

Lex's hands were gentle as he wiped off the blood from Gaius' face, a light frown painting his lips as he concentrated. "That's fine," he said to the man's statement, "but at least tell me if I hurt you."

When the cloth became too soaked with sweat and dirt, Lex dutifully cleaned if off and began anew. "I'll talk at you, though, if you don't stop me." His voice was light, easy - as if they hadn't tried fighting to the death before. "I need something to occupy the silence."

[aetheryic]

@aterlupus / from

" i would politely disagree. you're still in my heart as my family - despite all that's happened, it doesn't change the past we all shared. " allie retorts amidst a faint smile, one that only lasts a fraction of a second. one her father won't even see, but that's alright. knowing he's alive for now is enough, perhaps.

their family will never be the same. they, she, will never be the same. even her injuries are a newfound obstacle to overcome. " i think you underestimate me. " the raen bounds forward in spite of the ache in her legs, matching his pace. " i've been thinking ... about attending school. in sharlayan, maybe. something other than military school, and i'll surely learn a lot more than just survival. "

he's her guardian of sorts, he has to have some say in it. while allie enjoys the time spent practicing her aim, her hands tremble so much quicker now. " i understand, though. what do you need to tell me ? "

[sunderedoldfriends]

@aterlupus continued from here.

It was difficult not to give in to resignation when everything in the young prince‘s life was so incredibly dull. Growing up Zenos preferred spending his time with books, he mostly was by himself anyways as his father was barely around, too busy working on his schemes to conquer Eorzea, but once he had reached a certain age he was expected to be tutored among other Garlean children.

And that was when Zenos‘ struggles really began. He found the lessons to be dull as he wasn’t taught anything he would not be able to teach himself with the help of books. He found the other children pathetic, especially the way they fought for both the tutor‘s and the crown prince‘s attention. Zenos didn’t understand them and in return they didn’t understand him either and over the years the abyss between them only seemed to grow bigger.

Then, when Zenos had reached his late teens, he heard the people he was once raised alongside talk behind his back, whispering to one another as he walked by, and even though he cared naught about them, a part of him still wondered what that was all about.

So he turned to the one man that had earned Zenos‘ admiration and trust: the Black Wolf, Gaius van Baelsar. He was a skilled fighter and an even better general and tales of his hard fought battles against the Eorzean savages always brought a spark of excitement to Zenos‘ eyes. Said eyes were now staring at the general, dull and lifeless as ever as he contemplated the spoken words.

Fear and respect. As long as people treated him with both he should be fine. Fear was easy to achieve, most of them already feared him simply because he was the Emperor‘s son, but respect? Respect had to be earned, preferably on the battlefield.

For a moment he looked at Gaius in silence and after a moment of consideration he said:

„You are soon again leaving for the battlefield, aren’t you? Take me with you.“

[morganaux]

‘  in  all  the  myths  i’ve  heard,  it’s  never  been  worthwhile  to  approach  strange  sights.  it’s  best  to  turn  around  and  pretend  you  never  saw  them.  ’

Fingers tapping against the cover of his grimoire, Morganaux halted, a grin upon his lips as he turned toward the other. "Au contraire, good ser, I think I'd rather approach strange sights head-on rather than turning my back on them and allowing them to catch me by surprise. Wait... That is exactly what I'm doing right now!"

And for dramatic effect, he spun back around, letting out a chuckle as he marched along deeper into the cold, dimly-glowing cave. "So, my friend... Will you come help me satisfy my curiosity, or is the famed Black Wolf afraid of a little adventure?"

[thancrxdwatxrs]

“Please don’t get yourself killed.”

Please Don’t Starters @aterlupus

Thancred briefly met Gaius's gaze, a small smirk on his lips. "I do not plan on dying today or anytime soon," he replied as he loaded Lionheart. "I only ask the same of you. Be careful out there."

[moulinetrouge]

[ @aterlupus continued from here ]

"Wineport, technically." Arismont clinked their glasses together with a toast in kind. He preferred the wine from Wineport, as it tended to go fuller and drier. The kind of stuff that could really make your night go from terrible to great.

Grinning, he took a delightful sip. "I'm glad to meet someone who appreciates this stuff as much as I do. It's hard drinkin' around the kids. Like, they're all adults, but it ain't the same as drinkin' with other adult-adults. Yanno?" He laughed behind his glass. "I'm glad you joined us. Needed someone else like me."

[blaackbiird-archive]

What people make you happy when you see them on the dash?

Mun questions - accepting

Oooh, that's a good one. Obviously I'm happy to see everyone, that's why I followed them all lmao, but in particular?

@adenial / @arathina I’m always excited to see, I may or may not have even turned on notifications for their posts

@maicstas always posts really interesting and fascinating tidbits on Roman history that I love to read, as well as the silly shenanigans they get up to on dash

@battlethrill is also always wonderful to see, especially since they’re such a rare encounter.

@captainkurosolaire because their stories and character are always very interesting to read and their gposes are *chef’s kiss*

and some honorable mentions who just make me happy for no reason in particular: @aterlupus @fxrtunas @drachenblood @ritterblood @kolak-magiya @thancrxdwatxrs @brightblessed @etheirian

[tsckcyomi-archived]

Attachment Style Test ;;

5.6% On Edge, 77.8% Avoidant

On Edge-Avoidant (Mistrusting): Individuals in this quadrant share the Dismissive type's misgivings about others, but have not developed the armor of coolness and self-sufficiency that allows Dismissive types to live without attachment and bonding. Consequently, Mistrustful types recognize in themselves a need for intimacy and close relations with others, but as soon as they start to get close to others, they also find that they have MIXED FEELINGS  about the whole ordeal and start fantasizing about breaking it off because they "want their space again." In short, they are neither at ease in solitude nor when close to others. Because of their simultaneous need for and mistrust of intimacy, Mistrusting types have had to spend their lives learning how to skillfully handle other people; continually MANEUVERING so as to keep others close and available, yet at the same time out of control and powerless to harm the Mistrusting type. Individuals of this type are often high-achieving and competent adults, but on the inside, they tend to suffer from periodic bouts of low self-esteem and be plagued by a sense of hollowness at their core. Mistrusting individuals are frequently very good at finding legitimate fault with others and sniffing out their weaknesses as a way of protecting themselves against being disappointed by others, but on the downside, this hypervigilance also tends to lead to skepticism and overly paranoid tendencies.

tagged by: @aterlupus tyty <3 tagging: @fxrtunas, @ahkmourn, @abystal, @surpassing-limits​ @starsfreckled​ 

[adenial-a]

halloween photos featuring @aterlupus & @furorastra family moment

[winterdeepelegy]

@aterlupus Enjoy.

[chainedwarden]

Struggling with being active on here, my apologies since I admit I have mostly been active on my Gaius blog @aterlupus 

I’m struggling with having muse for Emet, but I don’t want to throw it all away. I suppose I could move him to my mutlimuse blog.

Would people be okay with that?

[drachenblood]

Ishgard has not been kind to the former legatus and there is but one more trial among many that awaits him this day. Estinien drops the old birch fishing rod into Gaius’ hands without so much as a greeting. “I’ve heard word that you’ve a talent for this.” He hefts a satchel full of supplies, his own fishing rod strapped to his back alongside his lance. “The day is clear and the weather is warming. Come.”  /  @aterlupus​

[sunderedelirium]

@aterlupus​ continued from here

Rex froze the moment he saw the gunblade, pointed directly at him. The familiar voice didn’t register for a moment, thinking that he would get shot here, for simply trying to do what was instructed - retrieve the data from the prototype and return back. Hands raised to his head, showing that he was completely unarmed. It only registered, after he stared at the rogue soldier, battered and beaten, bleeding from many places, that the familiar voice finally hit him.

“F-father?!”

It was his father.

They had all thought he had died, when he had left Eorzea with the rest of the XIVth legion that went with him.

“Father! It’s me, Rex!” He took a daring step forwards, but did not drop his hands - his father was hurt, and he didn’t know how the man would react when half delirious with pain. “Let me help you, father - just put down the gunblade!”