#at this point I won't consider the ordeal over until after I'm all healed after the permanent filling is put in to fix the bridge

[kris-mage-fics]

Ugh, the saga of the tooth continues, at least hopefully for the better after getting a lot worse again on Monday. Also, sorry to the folks I haven't responded to, this situation has really worn me out, and I didn't have many spoons to begin with. (More under the cut, nothing really descriptive about dental work, but just to be on the safe side. Also, I have a wee rant about how frustrating and draining this has been.)

So I had the root canal on the 1st (a week ago) and by Saturday felt a lot better, there was hardly any pain. It was a smidge worse on Sunday, then Monday it hurt so fucking much when I woke up. I went into see the dentist about it yesterday, and she said it's probably because it was the first tooth that had contact when I bit down. Apparently the little ligament that holds the tooth in place swells after a lot of work, which pushes the tooth up or down (depending on which jaw it's in). She ground down the bridge on that tooth just enough that it doesn't hit the bottom teeth with a normal bite and told me it should feel better soon. Sure enough today there's a lot less pain. (Gods I hope that was the problem, because the dentist said otherwise the tooth had a fourth root she didn't find and she's going to have to go back in there to find it. I don't relish that thought.) I'm just so, so tired. It's been over two weeks since it really started hurting, and I want to sleep for a week. Also my brain has been absolute mush because of the pain, which is super annoying. Especially because there's something I've been meaning to do for a friend, but haven't been up to it. And I wanted to start a little writing challenge for myself this month, but I can't write for the life of me. *sigh* It will pass.

[iilmunchkiin]

Just saw an absolutely amazing post that convinced me that Ceroba would be the one who confesses first.

(op turned turned off reblogs unfortunately so I'm making this post (┬┬﹏┬┬)) ("Just put the link to the post here-" No, you absolute buffoon, they turned it off for a reason and I'm going to respect that) (also potential rambling?? again??) (future LM here, yep there is alot of rambling. this was supposed to be a character analysis but I accidentally made a fic halfway LMAOAOAOAOAOA )

god I'm a sucker for slow burn and angst (duh, you all know that) I used to think that Starlo wouldn't be able to take it anymore and finally get the balls to confess to her, he goes up to her and it'll be the usual cheesy but wholesome moment with him nervously laughing, Ceroba getting surprised so she turns away while brushing off some hair that got on her face, Starlo sheepishly rubbing the back of his head and stuttering to get the words out. It'll all be planned of course he's a gentleman, he's just so stupidly nice and understanding that if Ceroba just flat out tells him "I don't wanna be in a romantic relationship with you" I just know he's going to smile and tell her it's okay and he'd still be there for her and it won't affect their friendship at all and he's going to stay by her side de jashdkahsd sorry the brainworms are doing the thing again.

Of course the idea of Ceroba confessing first also came into my mind, her realizing she's in love with Starlo but now has to fight the guilt thinking that she's "betraying/cheating on Chujin" made the little angsty gremlin in me giggle but I just preferred it would be Starlo who breaks the ice just for shittles and giggles (I like seeing him get all blushy and shy HIHIHIHIH). Also adding the fact that Ceroba DID consider getting together with him but she brushes it off cuz she thinks he's still too immature. (Yes I am aware Ceroba acknowledges Starlo growing up in True Pacifist but I didn't give it that much thought I was in delulu land)

But then I saw the post and ho h my god oh my goddddddd.....

I was a fool

Starlo is aware of what Ceroba has gone through and as her childhood best friend he would respect her and not risk overwhelming her with a confession cuz OF COURSE HE WOULDNT, and if he DID consider confessing it would be YEARS after the whole "Clover-sacrificing-themselves-for-the-futue-of-monsterkind" ordeal but he would have probably fallen out of love at this point and it would go

⭐: "OH YEAH btw I had a crush on you when we were kids" 🦊: "HUH"

(not dismissing the chance he could still be in love with her despite that I mean he's dedicated and loyal and so damn devoted to her it makes sense, it was just had a funny thought giggles)

But then after reading the post, it reopened the idea of Ceroba confessing first and... oh my god it was glorious. It would start small, thinking he looked nice one day, subconsciously gazing at him and adoring him at the distance as he talks his usual nonsense at the saloon with the feisty 5, wanting to hang out with him a little more than usual, until it slowly builds up over time. She starts noticing the little things about him, his wide smile, the sound of his voice and the laughter he makes when he does his usual shenanigans with her in post-pacifist where things are starting to get brighter as they heal together, she would call him an idiot but god he would just smile at her again and the little dimples on the sides of his face would make her melt without knowing and she swears she felt her face get warm but brushes it off, thinking it's nothing. But that's where the snowball keeps getting bigger, she would see him talking to the folk again at the saloon and wish it was her he was laughing with, she'll quickly snap out of it, shake her head a little and think about how weird it was for her to have thought about that. She'd find herself beaming when he calls her name and feel so stupid for doing so, "Why am I so happy all of a sudden? He says my name all the time..."

And the snowball finally crashes when they have one of those talks, y'know the ones where you usually have at 3 am with your friends? Just talking about life in general, talking about the future, what are each of them scared of, what they feel and what they think about things, just being so vulnerable and open with each other. They've had their fair share of these talks but today was different. He looked absolutely stunning, despite being mentally exhausted he still looked divine, the way his eyes droop when his expression softens, the slow rise and fall of his chest when he sighs, his wide glistening smile turning into a small and soft curl on his lips. She can't help herself but make subtle touches and discreetly brush her shoulder against his as they lean towards the railings of the balcony, fighting the urge to just reach out and figure out small ways to make contact with him. She gazes at him the entire time, analyzing him, noticing all the little changes he makes, why can't she look away? She can't, she tried, so many times but it still ends up with her looking at him again trying to burn the image of him in her mind, wanting to leave it there forever. When the talk comes to a close, he turns to her and offers a hug, she accepts it and the moment he melts into her arms, she feels a sudden warmth on her chest and it instantly scatters around her entire body, enveloping her. They share each other's warmth, she slowly buries her face onto his shoulder, cherishing this small moment with him as they hold each other tight in each other's embrace. She's closing her eyes, inhaling his scent, it feels like she's in a dream, she doesn't want this moment to end, she doesn't wanna wake up just yet but.... They break a part, he gives her his goodbyes. As she goes home she lays in bed, face up, staring at the ceiling as she recalls everything that happened to her, putting pieces of the puzzle together as she finally comes to terms with herself and gets hit with the realization. It all comes crashing down to her, her eyes widen and she lets out an audible groan. She lays in silence for a moment, feeling absolute agony for being so stupid, she peaks through her fingers and looks back up the ceiling again, "Fuck..."

I haven't even dabbled with what goes on in her head after she accepts this fact, the sudden guilt consuming her, feeling like she betrayed Chujin, the person she loved with her entire soul only to fall for another. She hates it. And if she confesses she's going to be a wreck and Starlo just instantly goes to comfort her, telling her it's okay, she doesn't have to force herself to confess to h- No. She wants this, she's absolutely in love, he may have fallen first but she fell even harder, but with so much conflict in her mind, wanting to hold his hand without the weight on her shoulders pulling her back. The entire time they're together, Starlo finds the time to console her, comfort her, feeling horrible for making him stay up late just for her but he says he doesn't mind and he himself wants this, feeling absolutely honored to have her in her arms and that she trusts him so much that she's just so open and vulnerable and he's being so kind and patient to her I hate them I HATE THEM I FFUCKING HATE THUEJN R F FUCK FUCKF FFIFUUCJCC N I HATE THEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

thE SLOW BURN IS SO SLOW BUT KEEP UP AND SET THE KITCHEN IN FLAMES PLEASE RAUGHHH

SAVE ME STAROBA W AS SAV VE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

TL;DR: uhhhh read a post and it convinced me that Ceroba slowly falls in love with Starlo over time without realizing it and when she finally does she feels really guilty cuz it feels like she's betraying Chujin, the slow burning is burning and the angst is scrumptious. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. /j

[danieyells]

Messy mutterings about Chapter 55 spoilers with a small angst warning, copypasted from discord with little cleaning and edits lol

I'm imagining Raphael sent Luke away so he wouldn't interfere with him killing/fighting Michael and Simeon went along with the idea and is in the human world too so Luke's not, y'know, on his own in a strange new world and to reduce Luke's suspicion and all. But as Michael and Raphael are fighting or whatever Luke somehow learns what's going on/realizes why things are off and rushes home to try and stop it.

He tries to get between Raphael and Michael(perhaps his back, Raph perhaps striking while Michael is lost in thought missing the brothers, spaced out, staring at the wall where their portraits were) and is struck violently by Raphael's spear instead. Simeon, ofc, followed him home to try and protect him but is too late because of Luke's own determination to protect Michael bonus if he grows a little in this scene--just magically, because his current smol form is too weak to help surely but if he were a little bigger, a little stronger, maybe he could make it in time--!! and Luke is impaled.

He doesn't die but none of the three wanted Luke hurt in this confrontation--Michael is angry at Raph for attacking/being violent in the first place, Raph is mad at Simeon for failing to restrain Luke, and Simeon is like is now really the time for this because hello Luke is hurt.

Angels are made of strong stuff, he's not gonna die but he'll be in a bad spot if they don't get him to an angel who specializes in healing. I've elected this to be Uriel for now although I've been told that Raphael is generally percieved as the angel of healing--but with OM canon his reputation sonfar is so hostile I'm gonna say that may not be the case. Michael (or Raph) can stave things off for a bit but he's not healing specialized either--they're all Archangels and Seraphs but their fields are elsewhere, mostly combat.

(Luke tries to assure that he's fine and attempts to remove the spear. They don't allow this because the spear is, of course, keeping most of his blood in at the moment.)

They can't fly him to someone because it'd be bumpier so they have to carry him or call/run/send for help--so other angels do learn what's going on and speculation begins. Luke is hospitalized and Raph and Michael and Simeon stay with him while he sleeps, kinda tensely, not really ready to talk out whatever happened. But before he passed out Luke tried to tell Raphael not to fight/kill Michael, to talk to him instead. He wanted to tell him to talk to the demons/humans too, they're not as bad as they think(he and Raph are very likeminded so he thinks 'maybe Raphael will listen to me since I'm starting to see that I was a little wrong maybe') but he couldn't get it out.

Simeon messages the demons, Solomon, and MC and says he won't be returning to the human world/devildom for a bit because Luke was hurt in the CR. Mammon, having had recently gotten attached to Luke, is stunned and angry and anxious and wants to know what happened. Simeon isn't ready to tell them yet, and Mammon demands Barb make a portal to the CR for him to check on Luke--surely Barb is also worried because he cares for Luke too!

Diavolo says they're not allowed to go and Barb agrees(he felt as much before Diavolo said anything too.) Simeon agrees because there's some unrest now and speculation and with an exchange student angel having had been injured by a notoriously demon-skeptical Archangel some angels are worried the demons may be involved in this somehow and if demons suddenly showed up it'd make things worse. Mammon curses his helplessness because his new little brother minion is hurt and he can't even check on him. Simeon feels helpless too--he's an archangel, a Seraph, but he can't help Luke either.

I imagine MC then offers to visit instead--they may be a powerful sorcerer now but they're still just a sheep human with an inhuman aura right? They wouldn't be as concerning for the general populace. After some consideration the demons and Solomon agree this would be okay, as does Michael and Simeon [and Raph maybe] but they say to wait a few hours/a day or two before doing so, just to allow some cooldown/recovery in the CR.

(In the meantime Mammon reviews one of Luke's recent text chains to him where he's baking something. He tries to copy all the steps and instructions and clumsily makes some cupcakes. They're ugly and Mammon isn't known for his stellar cooking, but they kinda relieve him a bit and Beel says they taste alright, so Mammon asks MC to bring them to the CR for Luke for him--there's enough for Michael too since he's probably going through a hard time. It's not like he cares or anything!! He's just building up credit! They'll owe him with interest when this is all said and done!!!)

Idk what'd happen afterwards--it's probably the first time MC meets Raph so it's not under the best circumstances and he definitely wouldn't trust sweets from a demon. And even if he was gonna fight/kill Michael he doesn't trust that Mammon would give him anything safe and instinctively would tell Michael not to touch them, let alone Luke if he's awake to do so. So it's not like he hates Michael, he just. Things need to change and he tried to incite it the only way he knows how--or, rather, the most effective way, given how quickly things changed after the Rebellion. A spear to the throat makes anyone listen. A rebellion is what made Michael change, so maybe it will help him go back to normal too.

(Maybe Luke is awake enough to hear them talking about these things and weakly asks if Raph is going to be exciled over this--the first thing he says since passing out. They're surprised because. He got injured trying to protect Michael but he's still trying to protect Raphael, Michael's assailant? But Luke understands how Raphael feels because he feels the exact same way--or he used to. He didn't trust demons or humans or sorcerers or the exchange program, he didn't think they should get along at all. And he saw how sad Michael was without the brothers and hated them for that too--and Raph feels the same way, right?

Angels are all family. Raphael, Michael, Luke, Simeon, even when they disagree, when their views don't align due to time and perspectives and experiences and ages and positions, they're all brothers. And Lucifer and them were their family too. Even if they disliked them or how they behaved, even if they resent their rebellion and its effects they were still family and they loved and cared about them.

And Raphael doesn't want to see Michael hurting anymore either--certainly not over people who don't care anymore, certainly not over people who turned on them and Father, who must hate them as well. . .but he's been with the brothers for over a year now. Maybe two or three at this point. And he may have only learned it recently but. . .they haven't forgotten. They probably don't hate them. And the demons, the humans, even those unfaithful and the practitioners of dark magic, the fallen, they're not as bad as they thought. They're not necessarily their enemies. Raphael doesn't know it like Luke does because he's never left the CR aside for war and maybe visiting the human world briefly too, right? But if he'd consider things differently, if he's allowed a chance to learn, Luke himself promises Michael, promises Father who's surely watching as he always is, that he'll understand. Raph made a rash decision albeit after many many years of consideration-- but it was out of ignorance, so please forgive him and give him another chance and don't excile him? On top of that he needs a chance to learn and do better--imagine how he'd feel, being turned into something he hates or fears? It will help him learn, sure, but it also may only make him feel worse or make him do something more rash or result in another Fall if he has supporters.

Raphael doesn't hate Michael--he just wants things to be different. Perhaps to go back to normal. And he doesn't want Michael to mope over the loss of the seven brothers and Lilith anymore either.

And maybe in this time, since they'd have to decide what to do about Raph, Michael requested Diavolo come over too--y'know, in case Raph is exciled, they'd want Diavolo's approval and reassurance to keep an eye on him too. So maybe he or Barb, as they arrive in the room, would approve of Luke's appeal--ask what Michael and Simeon And Raph and MC think. They could always bring him in as an exchange student too! 😘 That worked for Luke!

Ultimately Raph probably wouldn't be exciled/become a Fallen but be given another chance. Maybe he's stripped of his title temporarily, until he's sufficiently deemed to learn about demons, angels, their history together, culture, whether or not they can get along, etc--so he's bitter, but thankful. And Michael understands that perhaps he's been allowing how much he misses the brothers and Lilith to cloud him and maybe it's time to move on and make changes to the Celestial Realm again after all this time. Bonus points if the bros came along and he was too distracted to sense them--someone's like "oh you're moving on? So we came here for no reason after all?" and ofc he's happy to see them again and gets to hang out with them again for a while before getting to say a goodbye with more closure. And he hangs off of Lucifer's neck the whole time they're there lol he and Dia bond over being Lucifer fanboys too.

Luke's okay in the end--a little worse for wear because being stabbed by Raphael is Not A Small Ordeal but he's okay and he shows a little more maturity. But he's also still same old Luke who will happily point out how awful demons are and use it as an excuse for distrust/fear--but he's more mindful of it now because he feels like he needs to set a good example for Raph lmao.)

[bbnibini]

PSISLY PROGRESS/AN OPEN LETTER TO OBEY ME WRITERS AND CONTENT CREATORS

Tldr; I reflect upon the alleged plagiarism incident of last year after finding out one of my close friends also experienced the same, if not worse. I tried to keep true of my own words before and focused on the positive things and left the negative things (of the whole ordeal) behind. This is my attempt to do that (after also), realising PSISLY is almost over after Barbs' route will be out.

To new readers of H2/PSISLY, the story gets very confusing sometimes because of all the references (I placed a lot...so much to the point where even if I wrote it down in my notes, I sometimes get confused myself lol. References that probably won't make any sense until I finish H5 lol;;), but hopefully with rereading some parts (especially involving a certain someone), they would be appreciated. I had some beta friends comment about how some of the references are easy to miss so upon editing, and made them more obvious. Hopefully, it had reflected on the revisions!

Okay, with that segue out of the way, I have some announcements I want to make (loooong overdue announcements).

There's a bit of an update regarding the alleged idea thief I had an encounter with last year. This is not an intent to bring up the issue again, but to share what I have learned from this experience.

Short explanation= The alleged person had deactivated their tumblr account now, which contained their Mammon x Reader series where they copied scenes and paraphrased lines from PSISLY. I wanted to express my thoughts about the aftermath of the aftermath.

LONGER VERSION:

In lieu of what occured, I attempted to report their Mammon x Reader series to tumblr's DMCA, but because of privacy concerns due to PSISLY being in another platform around that time (AO3), I found out that my real name and other personal information will be exposed to that person if I moved forward with my report. In the end, I decided to do the second best thing and crosspost my works here instead. I had a choice to report their works after crossposting(which I had considered) but due to my busy work schedule, I didn't have time for anything else. Frankly, I was just super drained at the time and wanted things to end so I can focus on other things, so I set it aside plenty of times until I've reached the point where I find out their tumblr account had already been deleted (possibly of their own free will).

I still stand by my stance of honouring that person's privacy despite all of the things that happened between us. I loathed the implicated actions and not the individual. I was disgusted by the thought of how, if proven true, they took a lot of credit from my ideas through their fics, and possibly exploited the fact that my works are inaccessible to many due to my series' gimmicks, but does that make them any less of a person? No. Up until now, I still don't know what actually happened and will probably not know anymore. What I do know is that we're human and we are prone to make mistakes. I understand their behaviour towards me isn't correlative of their whole identity, but I still ultimately decided that any further interactions between us would only make the situation worse so I cut ties with them.

Still, I'm thankful that their alleged works are now removed from this website. To that person, thank you. If you were the one who deleted your work(s) with your own initiative, thank you. It had been long overdue, but I am grateful that you have finally acknowledged my discomforts and decided to see things in my perspective. I also want to thank you for making me realise that despite my crippling low self-esteem, I am a writer. I meant it when I said that I am rooting for your own writing endeavours. I just wished things didn't have to end this way.

And to other writers and content creators out there, if you ever find yourself (I wish you wouldn't) in a similar situation, please know that you are the best judge of your own works. If you suspect your works are already being compromised, please confront the other person as an individual---do not dehumanise them into a singular trait due to your own bad experiences. Seek to understand. Talk to them privately and try to settle the issue between yourselves.

Why have I brought this up again? Because I randomly thought of them today and thought "I wonder how they're doing", and saw their account is already gone (as what I have stated earlier). Even if we parted in not very friendly terms, I still genuinely wish they would do better for themselves, and possibly learn something from what happened like I did.

Second other reason is because I have recently learned that my good friend @lexsssu had been allegedly plagiarised for the third time and saw how the incident had taken a toll on her drive to write. Despite how sad and discouraged she had become after her own experience(stagnating her writing progress for a long time), she is now seeking to heal and continue her passions---I wish to learn from her example.

I believe if you truly love something, you would continue to love doing it despite the hardships it will entail. I realise I'm rambling and I'm probably not making any sense right now(I had an all nighter fricking around in the wonderland portion of the Windblume event in Genshin Asia with a friend soz), but I hope if you did manage to get this far, I wish you learned something from my own experiences and ramblings.

PSISLY is still going strong and will soon reach its conclusion (spoiler: Barbs' route is actually the last part I have to outline since the remaining ones were mostly written last year) . I'm not the best, nor the easiest writer to follow (in terms of plot coherence ha ha ;;), but I am still a writer. And I enjoy writing and will continue to do so.

Have a blessed day, everyone! Wish me luck on the outline! 👋