#at one point they got the whole audience to stand up and chant ‘four legs good! two legs bad!’ it was so fun

[driftwooddestiel]

just went to see my friends theatre class’ animal farm production it was SO FUNNY i loved it (it was a comedy adaptation set in australia)

[raineydays411]

Kind of want this adventure to be over.

Bruce Banner x Daughter!reader

Summary: You have finally found your father...just not the way you expected. You sort out your feelings and have some realizations about people in your life.

You felt sick. 

You couldn’t believe it. There he was. Your father, the man who has been missing for four years. 

He was here, being forced to slaughter people as a gladiator on a whole different planet. 

So many questions were running through your mind. How did he get here? Why hasn’t he escaped? How long has he been the Hulk?

You watch as Thor attempts to talk to him, but... it was almost like Hulk...like the attention. You watch in horror as Hulk charged at Thor. Throwing him into the wall. Both you and Loki looked at each other in concern, then glance at the Grandmaster who watched in glee.

You felt dizzy as you watched you father pummel his teammate. It was like he didn’t recognize him. He fought viscously. You cringed when you saw him slam Thor on the floor.

“YES!” Loki shouts, startling you and the Grandmaster, “THATS HOW IT FEELS!” 

You both stare at him, alarmed at the sudden outburst.

“I’m just a big fan of the sport...” He chuckles awkwardly.

He sits back down and looks at you. Concerned as you looked grey, like you were going to be sick. 

He strokes your back comfortly, “ Y/n, if you need to step out...”

“I can’t...I have to stay...” You whisper, watching Thor get beat by the Hulk. You prayed that he would get up. Then it happened.

A bolt of lighting shot the Hulk off of Thor. Then he rises, lighting engulfing his hands. The two charge at each other, and Thor starts to gain the upper hand. You breath a sigh of relief. The audience eats it up. Chanting “Thunder”, but the Grandmaster does not seem happy. Just as Thor was about to finish the fight, he was stunned by something, leaving him motionless on the ground. 

You freeze, watching as your father leaped into the air and came down, smashing Thor into the ground and knocking him out. Finishing the match. You turn to see the Grandmaster lean back in pleasure. 

���So, how do you like it?” He asks casually.

You can barely speak. Too shook up to even form a thought. Seeing your unease Loki spoke for you.

“It was very intense. A very entertaining fight indeed.” He says with a smile.

“What’s wrong with the kid?” the Grandmaster asks taking in your pale face. “ She does not look good.” 

“Yes! Well, um, it seems as though she has eaten something that made her sick. Perhaps it was the jar jar fruit”

“Oh no,” The Grandmaster states, “This is terrible.”

“Yes well--”

“I had a whole bowl!”

“Yes...I’d better take her to her room. Rest shall do her some good.”

Then Loki rises and helps you to your feet. He leads you through the crowds of people. 

You can barely walk. You don’t know why you’re reacting like this. You knew your father was here. 

Maybe it was because of how gruesome this fight could have been. Or maybe because you knew that for four years, your dad has been trapped as the Hulk, murdering aliens as a gladiator for some old lunatic. And it seemed like he liked it. 

Your legs grow weak and you nearly topple to the ground. 

“Woah, easy.” Loki says, “ Darling, take it slow.” 

“I- I think I’m going to throw up” And then you lean over, throwing up into a plant. 

“Ew.” Loki says, watching you defile that poor plant. 

You wipe your mouth and try to stand, you sway a but, almost falling to the ground. Loki then sighs and scoops you up. 

Your face burns, “ I’m sorry...”

“Shut up. I shouldn’t have made you go anyways.”

You stay silent. Resting your head on his chest as he walks you to your room. 

“You know...my dad never did this...” You whisper. Loki looks down at you in confusion.

“Did what?”

“ Carry me to my room. Especially if I was sick.”

“Oh..” Loki says, not really knowing how to respond.

“My mom was the one who did all that. But then...she got sick and...” You trail off. It was rare when you thought about your mom. It hurt to remember all the good times the three of you had, so like your father, you pushed it all down. 

“My mother did that too..” Loki muttered. He walked into your room and set you on the bed. 

“Get changed and lay down. I shall be back in a moment.” Then he walks out, leaving you alone with your thoughts. 

You change clothes and ay down. Trying to wrap your head around what just happened. 

Your father was here. You found him.

But he was the Hulk and basically a gladiator. 

He’s been here for four years. Killing people for sport. 

“God, I may have seen some weird shit living with the Avengers but this really takes the cake”, You think to yourself, shifting under the covers. You sigh, laying on your back and staring up at the ceiling. After a few moments you heard the door open. It was Loki holding a tray of food.

“Here, this should make you feel better.” He says placing the tray in your lap. It consisted of a plate of some kind of soup, some cracker like snack, and a glass of water. 

“I know it looks heavy, but it made me feel better when I was a child and ill. Although, the one made by the cooks back home may have tasted better.” Loki rambles, “I do think I did pretty well, considering the circumstances.” 

Seeing this side of Loki was shocking. Sure, you both had your moments and you knew he cared about you, but you thought it was more like a forced partnership. But, he could have left you here alone and he didn’t. He went out of way to make you something so you’d feel better. You can feel your eyes water. 

And for the first time since you’ve been on Sakaar, you cried. You cried because you haven’t seen your father for four years. You cried because you were on a completely different planet, millions of light years away from your home. You cried because Loki was being so kind.  

You cried cause you were scared.  You felt like you were in over your head, like you can’t do anything but wait. You have no idea what you’re going to do from here on out and it terrifies you. 

Then you feel a cold hand on your shoulder. You look up to see sad green eyes. Then you’re pulled into a hug. 

“I know.” Loki says softly, “It is overwhelming, and you’re still a child.”

You take a deep breath, taking in the scent of leather and something sweet. You then closed your eyes sinking into the embrace.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In another part of the castle, Thor had just woken up. Scaring the crap out of the women who were tending to his wounds.

He painfully stands up, looking around the room he was in. It wasn’t like the first cell he was in. No, this one was actually clean. It didn’t smell like body fluids or...death. It was red and white, with weapons and armor laying around. He can see a large bed and a hot tub in the room. 

Thor looks out the window, taking in the scenery and trying to figure out a way to escape. He’s startled out of his thoughts by a splash. He turns to see the Hulk in the tub, sitting in the shadows.

“...Are we cool?” He asks, holding his hands up in surrender. 

He doesn’t get a response, just a low growl. But he isn’t attacked so Thor takes it as a a sign. He goes to the window again and mutters to himself, “Huh, a Hulk in a hot tub.” 

Then he turns to Hulk, “ How long have you been like that?

“Like what?” Hulk grunts

“Like this. Big, green, and...stupid”

Hulk sits up slightly, half of his face in the shadows, “Hulk always Hulk.”

Thor doesn’t respond, opting to look out the window again, then he realizes,

“How’d you get here?”

“Winning” Hulk says proudly.

Thor rolls his eyes, “ Do you mean cheating? Did they have one of these shocky things on their necks? I meant, how did you arrive here.”

Hulk imitates a whooshing and crashing noise, “Quinjet.”

Thor gets excited, “ Yes! Okay and where is the quinjet now?” 

Hulk doesn’t respond, instead he gets out of the tub. The only problem is that he didn’t have a towel...or anything to cover himself. Giving Thor a good look at his goods.

“That’s naked...very naked” Thor says cringing. “ That’s in my brain now.”

“Quinjet.” Hulk says, pointing to where the plane is. Uncaring about the state of undress he was in.

Thor gets excited again, “Yes! I can get us home, off of this awful planet. You’ll love Asgard! It’s like earth but gold”

“Hulk stays.” Hulk grunts, taking a bit out of some fruit.

“What? No no no, I need your help to prevent Ragnarok.” Thor says desperately.

“Ragnarok?” Hulk questions uncaringly. 

“Yes, its the destruction of my home planet, the end of times.”

“Thor go. Hulk stay.” Hulk says stubbornly. 

Thor is desperate. He needs to get home before Hela completely destroys everything he holds dear.

‘Look, I’ll tell you what, you help be get to Asgard, and I’ll help you get back to earth.’

“ Earth hate Hulk.”

“What?” Thor exclaims, “ Everyone loves Hulk! You’re part of the team, you’re our friend!”

“Banner’s friend.” Hulk grunts, not believing a word Thor is saying.

“WHat? I don’t even prefer Banner” Thor says awkwardly, “ He’s all ‘ NUmbErs aND SCienCe’ and stuff.”

“Banners friend!” Hulk exclaims. 

By now Thor is frustrated, “Fine. You stay here on this awful planet. Besides this room his hideous. The red and white, like just pick a color.”

“Smash you.” Hulk grunts

“You didn’t smash me, I won that fight.”

“Smash you!” Hulk throws the fruit at Thor.

Thor dodges it calling Hulk a baby. He heads toward the entrance that is left open.

“Thor go!” Hulk shouts.

“I am going!” Thor shouts back, but before he can step out of the room he’s shocked. The obedience puck stunning him

 As he falls to the ground, he can hear Hulk laugh. 

“Thor no go. Thor home.”

He sighs, looking out the window. He briefly hears Hulk say something about training. Then he sees her. The woman who got him into this mess in the first place. 

She pays no mind to him, instead greeting Hulk like they were long time friends. 

They go train, leaving Thor alone with his thoughts. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You wake up in the dark room. It seems that Loki has left as you were alone. Your eyes sore from crying, you look around for your bag. You find it, pulling out your phone, earbuds, and journal. 

You write your feelings as you listen to music. 

You don’t know what to do. Part of you wants to go find your father and Thor, but another part trusts Loki and wants to stay. It doesn’t help that he has been the most fatherly figure you’ve had in a  while. 

Sure you had the Avengers. You could even argue that Tony has filled that role of father figure since your dad went missing. But, you and Loki formed a tight bond in a few days that took months for you and Tony to form. You both got along well, bonding over distant fathers, dead mothers, and theater. Not to mention you both had a sarcastic attitude. If anything, he’s taken over a big brother role, but nevertheless; betraying his trust was one thing that you couldn’t do.

You sigh, knowing what you were going to do. 

You were going to find your father.

So you get out of bed and change into your suit. You put your phone in your stuff in your bag and grab your weapons. 

You walk down the hallways, not knowing where to begin to find your father. Then an idea hits you. If you can find out where Thor is, you’d most likely find out where your dad is. So with that in mind you decided to ask a guard. 

“Excuse me.” You say to a red guard, “ Do you know where the …”Lord of Thunder” is staying? The Grandmaster allowed me to go and meet him. I am a big fan” 

The guard hesitated, not knowing who you were. But since you dropped the Grandmasters name, he pointed you to the hallway Thor was supposedly in. 

“Thank you!” You beamed, making sure to skip away as if you were a fan. You skip till you were out of sight and sigh, slowing down to a walk. You strolled down the hallways, throwing fake smiles at the guards you passed. 

Finally, you reached a room at the end of the hallway. You notice a woman pass you and walk staright into the room. You hide behind a wall and listen to the conversation. 

“Hey big guy!” She says, you notice that she has an accent similar to Thor’s.

“Angry girl!” another voice says...Your fathers voice. You can hear footsteps coming your way. You quickly pull out your phone and sit down, hoping they’ll walk right past you. You don’t need Hulk seeing you right now. If anything, he’d change back to Bruce and that’ll cause a whole bunch of problems. 

Thankfully, they pay no mind to you. You watch as they joke around and nudge each other. It’s strange, seeing the Hulk to at ease with another person. 

It kind of hurts, in the same way it hurt to see your dad with Natasha. It was like you couldn’t get close to either side of him. Or he chose not to get close to you. 

Pushing away your feelings, you get back to the mission, finding Thor. 

You head  to the room at the end of the hallway. Surprisingly, there were no guards or even a door blocking your way. You can see Thor, standing by the window. His back was turned to you but he was completely still. 

You walk through the door way, and look around the room. It was messy and kinda ugly. The red and white really didn’t clash well.

Then you were startled by Thor loudly gasping. You run up to where he was.

“Thor? Thor are you alright?”

He focuses on you, eyes widening at your presence. 

“Y/n?” He says slowly, “ Y/n?! What are you doing here?”

“The Dr. Wizard said my dad was here. So I came looking for him...” You say slowly. “ Are you okay?”

“I’ve been better.” Thor laughs, “ Have...have you been here this whole time?”

“Yeah, I got here the same day Loki did, so about two weeks ago. Since then I--”

“Wait, have you been with Loki this whole time?” Thor asks.

“Yeah, he’s the reason I’m still alive to be honest.” You say, “ He helped me get in favor of the Grandmaster and he’s been looking out for me ever since.”

“Loki?” Thor says in disbelief, “ My brother, Loki? He has been taking care of you?”

“Yeah, I didn’t believe it either...but he’s been so kind to me, Thor. Kinder than anyone has been in a while.” You say softly. 

Thor smiled, he was glad that there was still a part of the Loki he knew growing up. That you were alright. 

“You look awesome.” He says taking in your outfit, “Where did you get those clothes?!” 

You laugh, “ It seems like the Grandmaster likes to give make overs.” You look at Thor, “ Dude they cut your hair?!” 

“Yeah some creepy old man cut it off.” He says, suddenly he pulls you in for a hug. “ I am beyond glad to see you here.” 

You blush and hug him back, “I’m glad you are okay.��

Then you frown, “ My...my dad...he’s here.”

Thor freezes, “ Oh Y/n I completely forgot..”

“It’s okay... he looks fine” You say bitterly, remembering how chummy he was with that girl.

“ He can’t know I am here.” You say quickly, “ If he does, he’ll change back and raise suspicion.”

“I need help to get out of here.” Thor says, “ Asgard is in danger.”

“Why don’t you just walk out the door?” You ask

“Because, this neck thingy shocks me whenever I try to leave.” Thor says showing you his neck.

“Ohh so that’s why you lost the fight,” You say realizing what happened.

“I dis not lose” Thor said, “Your father cheated.”

You snicker, “What ever you say Lord of Thunder.” 

Thor sighs at the name, knowing that you weren’t going to stop calling him that. 

“Y/n, I need you to help me get out.” Thor says desperately. You furrow your brow, thinking of a way to get him out of here. 

“Okay...I have an idea.” 

You spend the next thirty minutes comin up with an idea. Revising and editing ideas that’ll get him out of here unscathed. 

That’s when you realized that you shouldn’t be here when Hulk gets back. 

“I have to go.” You say quickly, gathering all your stuff. 

“Wait, wait, how are you going to escape...” Thor says worriedly. “ Your father doesn’t even know your here.”

You sigh sadly, “ I doubt he cares. He seems pretty content here.” 

“Y/n, that’s Hulk, not Banner. Your father loves you.” 

You chuckle, “ You know, in last few weeks. Loki showed he cared about me more than my father has in all the years I’ve been alive.”

“Oh...that’s bad.” Thor says, because if you knew Loki cared about you and not your father...that was saying a lot.    

“Good luck Thor, I better go before some guards show up.” You say, patting his arm and dashing off. And again, Thor was alone. 

Running through the hallways, you bump into someone. You fall to the ground in a huff.

“Watch where you’re walking!” 

“Sorry dude, jeez don’t get your undies in a twist.” You say, getting up from the ground. You look up to see the girl who was with the Hulk. 

“Do..do I know you? You look familiar.” She says, closely looking at your face. 

“Umm, I tell stories to the Grandmaster.” You say quickly, “I better go.” 

Then you run off again, leaving a confused Valkyrie behind. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You finally make it to your room. Panting as you close the door.

“Where have you been.” 

You jump, not expecting anyone to be in your room. 

“Relax, its just me.” Loki says, rolling his eyes, “ Now, where were you? I came back into your room, expecting to find you in bed, resting.”

“Sorry, I... I went to see Thor.” You say honestly. 

“Y/n.” Loki starts, but you interrupt him.

“I know! I know I shouldn’t have gone, but I felt really bad and wanted to make sure he was okay.” 

Loki sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He looked at your face, seeing your guilty eyes and frown. He’s demeanor softened, “ You are too kind for your own good.”

You chuckled, “Well, one of us has to have redeemable qualities.”

“Hey!” Loki shouts offended. You laugh at his face.

“I can get used to this” You think to yourself. You yawn, suddenly tired from all your activities.

“Get some rest.” Loki says, “You’ll need it’” 

Then he leaves the room after ruffling your hair.

As you get ready for bed and finally lay down, you realize you can’t sleep.

 You have a crushing feeling that something big was going to happen the next day.

[okskz]

Yeehaw Land.

Mia + Stray Kids

Last show of the Unveil tour and Mia is excited to be back in her hometown. 

Italics = English 

[10th Member of Stray Kids]

“Nervous?” Chan asked as he looked at Mia getting her final touches on her hair. 

It was the last show of the US Unveil tour and she couldn’t be more ecstatic that it was Houston. 

“Not really, just a bit anxious is all.” She said getting up once the hairstylist was done. “I haven’t been here since moving to China, and it just feels so surreal to be back. I really missed it.” 

As much as Mia did love living in China for a bit, she loved Houston the most. She was practically born and raised there. She remembers her parents calling her to tell her they planned on moving back from China a little after they debuted, so she was even more excited that her family was going to be in the crowd watching her. Having it been 4 years since she last saw them. 

“We’re going to make this the best show ever, I promise.” Chan smiled, putting his arm around her. 

Once everyone was done getting their final touches, they all headed out to get ready to go one stage. 

“You hear that?” Jisung asked happily. 

They all nodded as they heard the crowd get loud by chanting out their name, waiting for them to come out. 

“Here’s to having a successful show, remember to have fun, and here’s to being in Mia’s hometown.” Chan said as they gathered in a circle putting their hands in the middle. “Fighting!” They all said, moving along to finally get on stage. 

The venue got dark.

The screams got louder

And by the time they knew it, they were finally on the stage opening up with Hellavator. 

Throughout the whole show, everyone and especially Mia, were having the best night of their lives. They never seemed to lose energy, even after playing song after song.

At some point, Mia managed to find her family sitting first row on top of to balcony. She tried not to get emotional just yet and wanted to get through the show first. 

Now, the ending ment had finally arrived in the part of the show, and honestly Mia hated this part because she knew the show was going to be over soon. She was having so much fun that she didn’t want the show to end at all. 

Some of the boys began doing their final ment, most saying how hot it is in Texas and then how happy they were to be in Mia’s hometown. At one point both Jeongin and Jisung ended up saying a phew phrases in Spanish in which Mia was proud of. 

“We learned that Houston has a lot of Spanish speakers, so a big thanks to our lovely Mia for teaching us a few words before coming here.” Chan said looking at Mia to his right for a few seconds. “Mia, it’s your turn now.”

She took a deep breath before she started talking. “Oh man, where do I even began?” She smiled. 

“Well firstly, thank you to all of our Stays for coming to our show tonight. This show will probably be the most special to me since it is my hometown.” She said pumping up her fists. “And because I get to share this special moment with my boys.” The audience began to cheer loudly. 

“Secondly, my family is here as well so that’s even more exciting since I haven’t seen them for the past four years.” She said as she looked up at the balcony, waving at her family. “Hi mom and dad, and brother. Thank you guys for always supporting me in everything I do. One day I will repay you guys back.” She could see her parents standing up from their seats. Her mom waving their lightstick and her dad waving a fan with a picture of her on it.

She paused before continuing.

“You know, when we landed yesterday I got so many goosebumps. It was just a surreal moment for me coming back to Houston after nine years. Um, never would I have imagined coming back to perform in front of you all, so this truly means so much to me.”

“When I got off that plane and felt the Texas air for the first time again-” Mia paused for second looking down then up again to the crowd. She could feel the tears coming, and everyone knew it too from the way her voice was getting shaky. “It made me realize how much I miss home.” She managed to finish except this time she began to cry, turning around walking away a little. 

All the boys walked up to her, Felix was the first to hug her, and she felt a few pats on her back. 

“It’s okay, you’re doing good.” Jisung whispered in her ear.

The crowd was in awe and began chanting Mia’s name.

When she felt like she could talk again she walked back to the front. “It’s not tears it’s just sweat, I promise.” She joked laughing a little as she wiped her tears away. 

“Uh, I also want to give a big thanks to Chan for picking me to be in his group. If it wasn’t for him I probably wouldn’t be on this stage right now.” She smiled at him. 

He acted like he was wiping fake tears, “Don’t make me cry.” He said and the audience began to laugh.

“And of course, I want to give the biggest thanks to our Stays. If it wasn’t for you guys we probably wouldn’t have gotten to where we are now. Thank you for loving us and supporting us. You guys will always mean so much to us.” 

“And to my boys, I love you guys so much.” She said smiling at all of them.

“Oh and one last thing, para todas los Stays que hablan Espanol, los amo mucho, gracias por el apoyo.” She finished and the whole audience went wild. 

All of the boys began clapping for her then went in for a group hug. Mia felt so much warmth in her heart that she knew she will never forget this moment. 

***

After the show, Mia and the boys rested for a bit and got ready for group photos and hi-touch. Nothing was more special to MIa than meeting their fans, it was her most favorite part of the tour. 

Now, everything was over, and they were now back in their dressing room lounging around. 

“How did you like the show, Mia?” Woojin asked as he was sitting across from her. 

“I loved it so much, literally one to remember.” She smiled as she lifted her legs up to put them over Hyunjin’s lap. 

“You gotta show us around.” Jisung said.

“If we have some time in the morning, I definitely will.” 

“Yes, we want to learn all about the city where our Mia was born-” Chan began to speak but was cut off by a knock on the door. 

The door opened a little and in came one of the staff workers. “Mia, there are some guests that would like to see you.” 

Mia looked back to where the door was and nodded her head, letting the person know to let them in. The door opened up even more and in came Mia’s family.

She gave a loud gasp, smiling once seeing them enter. “Mom! Dad! Ryan!” She exclaimed as she quickly got off the couch and ran towards them. As soon as she got pulled into a hug from her parents first, tears were falling down her face once again for the night. Not only was she was crying, but she could also hear her mother sobbing against her neck.

“Its been so long.” Mia sobbed, “I’ve missed you guys so much.” 

“You don’t know how much we’ve missed you too, mija.” She heard her dad say as he kissed Mia on her head.

“We’re so proud of you, Mia, you did so good tonight.” Her mom said letting go and cupping her cheeks. Mia could see the tears on her mom’s eyes too.

“Thank you.” She sniffled. 

Mia then turned her attention to her older brother, who was standing next to their dad. She quickly went in for a hug. 

“Not bad little sister, you guys really know how to put on a show.” He said letting go of her. They gave each other a fist bump.

Mia was too caught up with her family that she almost forgot they weren’t the only ones in the room until she heard a cough coming from behind. She brought her attention back to the others who were all staring back at her. 

“Oh, my bad.” She laughed. “Mom, Dad, and Ryan, meet my boys.” She said leading them towards the nine boys.

“Guys, meet my family.” She said switching to Korean. 

“It’s so nice to finally meet you guys.” Mia’s mom spoke up. “Mia has told us so much about you guys.” 

“Nice to meet you too.” Chan said giving her a handshake.

“You must be Chan?”

“Yes ma’am.” He smiled. 

Although Mia’s parents and brother already knew who was who, the boys still introduced themselves one by one to be polite. 

“Seriously, congrats on this successful tour and all the other accomplishment you guys have done so far.” Mia’s mom said looking at each one of them as they sat around the couch. 

“And also thank you for taking good care of our Mia of course. I know she can be handful eh?” Her dad joked. 

“Hey! No, I’m not.” She pouted causing her to let out a laugh right after. 

Chan laughed at what her dad said. “No, she’s seriously a great person to have around. “We’d probably be nothing without her.”

“Now you don’t make me cry.’ MIa said, pretending to wipe off fake tears. 

“- We were really nervous about letting her move at such a young age, especially without us, you know?” Mia’s mom began, making some of the members nod. “But I can see everything turned out well and that she’s in very good hands.” She smiled, grabbing onto Mia’s hand.

Mia looked down from where she was sitting on the arm rest of the couch. She leaned in giving her mom a side hug. “Love you, Mom.”

“I love you too, honey.”

All of the boys looked at them in awe. They spent a few more minutes talking together until Mia’s dad got up from his seat. “I’m guessing you guys are hungry after doing a great show right?” He said. All of them nodded in agreement, understanding clearly what he was saying. 

“We grilled some burgers before coming to the show. Why don’t you all come on over so we can eat.” 

“Oh yes, thank you, we will definitely be there.” Chan said being the first one to hop off his seat. All of them began to laugh. 

“We’ll see you there alright?” Mia’s dad said coming towards her to pull her in for a hug.

“Yes, we’ll meet up with you guys there, thanks.” She smiled, wrapping her arms around his waist. He kissed her head before walking off towards the door. They all said their farewells as Mia’s brother shut the door behind him. 

“Your family is really nice.” Felix said. “I can see they mean so much to you.”

“Thanks, I really love them a lot. They’re my number one supporters.” Mia said smiling to herself. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

- hope you guys liked that! also true story, Jisung and Jeongin did say some words in Spanish which I almost cried over,,, Wow, I miss them anyways, would love some feedback and requests are open!

[joyfulsongbird]

flower anon goes to hadestown and has a TIME

so there is no possible way for me to express my feelings and emotionsTM about Hadestown or my weekend in New York in an ask so I am sending them here. Just for context: I saw four shows in two days (my bank account is extremely pissed at me but it was worth it) and they were all special and phenomenal in their own ways. However, we do not have all the time in the world so I am just going to word vomit about Hadestown. 

So it is Sunday morning, I am on 48th and I am seeing The Lightening Thief at 1 but I made brownies for the cast and crew (as well as a separate batch for Eva because last time someone bought treats to the show she didn’t get one) and I was unsure if security would let me into the theatre with the food. So I “stagedoored” Hadestown as the cast and crew were coming in for the morning. I gave the first batch to Kay and she was incredibly sweet and lovely. I explained that the brownies were in fact not full of drugs (I do not have the money for that!!) which she laughed at and then we went on our merry ways. 

After Lightening Thief I had some time to kill before Hadestown so I went to dinner and when I walked back to the Walter Kerr they were stagedooring for the matinee show. I decided to wait and give Eva the batch that I made for her because I literally had nothing else to do. So Eva comes out and I’m at the very end so I am expecting her to come to me last (which is fine, I was going to see her again at the evening stagedoor!) but she STRUTTED down my way and I explained that these were for her and that I hoped she was surviving the two show day. She said that she had to give me a hug and of course I accepted. Then she complimented my top (which was leopard print) and exposed her neck tattoo and was like “they match!!” Eva was so lovely and then I left to let the people stagedooring enjoy their experience. 

Fast forward a little I am sitting in the Walter Kerr and it is starting to come over me that I am actually here and about to see this show. Then the light dims and Andre came out and opened the show. Saying “aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight” back in harmony with the audience was indescribable, just as the actors were centring themselves for the show, I was centring myself for an unforgettable experience. 

Now I am just going to transition into some notes about the show (i would do every song but we would be here a while, so I am just doing what impacted me the most/I recall): 

The first trombone note played and INSTANTLY my eyes were misty oops 

when Hermes is introducing everyone Orpheus was kind of fidgeting/extending his fingers in a very specific way and was a very cute and subtle way of expressing his kind of nervousness/anxiety/ticks whatever you want to refer to it as 

The la la las hit so different live like holy shit the way the sound radiates around the theatre is magical and unlike anything else. 

The first interaction of Orpheus and Eurydice had my heart soft and I was not ready in any shape or form for anything to happen to them other than love and happiness 

At the end of Road to Hell when Hermes sings “we’re going to sing it again” Hermes WENT OFF. The lighting is absolutely gorgeous and the whole cast is like jazz handing at him and he holds it for an ungodly length of time and it was a legendary opening. 

HEARING EVA LIVE WAS EVERYTHING i watched her with wide eyes and so much love in my heart like i didn’t realise how intense the sound would be in a live space. I dont know shit about how sound and mics work but man like it is so different live the whole show I had chills.

Come home with me and wedding song are so fucking tender and horny like god i love this couple so much i had a bad seat for watching Eurydice drop her coat shoulder when she tells orpheus if he wants to take her home he better werk but the teasing tone in her voice was iconic and his little breathy hitch got me like isahdfsdhflhdf

During living it up on top when Eurydice dances with the workers chorus she did the Leg KickTM and I felt blessed 

also during his toast Orpheus’ voice broke when he said “To the Patroness” and it was the cutest thing in the world i love my nervous son 

All I’ve ever known was the first song to make me cry cry, it is just so sweet and such a special depiction of love and really hit home for me. it says a lot about me that the tender and horny song is the one that broke me. When the leg thing happened I was unable to breathe for a moment 

the tender horniess continues during way down, and i specifically watched the kiddos because I love to suffer. They start on a stool and orpheus kisses her neck while she taps the beat of the song on his thigh and theyre just so in love my heart could not take it. They move then to the centre of the stage and spoon and you can see Orpheus’ feet tapping along to the music here too. 

Chant is so fucking sexy there is literally no other way to describe it, everything about the design and the way it is performed is so so so good like h o l y s h i t it is so good. However I hate Hades sunglasses and wish they were different because they just make him look like my racist uncle lol 

Wait for me gave me a panic attack because i was very worried about bby orpheus getting bonked on the head but also THE LIGHTING IS SO SEXY the lighting tony was so well deserved i’m glad the american theatre wing did like at least one (1) thing right. Also i was full on crying at this point. 

Why we build the wall…. powerful shit I watched persephone during this and her facial expressions tell such an intense story of love, hate, desperation, and drunkenness. 

flowers rekt me and left me for dead. it was such an emotional performance and i personally resonate with this song a lot (haha thats trauma baby) AND THEN THE TRANSITION TO TENDER LOVING COME HOME WITH ME stomped on my grave. also orpheus ran right by me and i was like GO GET HER YOU LANKY FUCK 

i usually don’t listen past flowers because self care and I was already an emotional mess so when if its true began i was full on weeping. I felt so bad for the people next to me, you physically see orpheus break down and it shattered me and then rebuild with the support of the worker and the hope become restored (but it isnt strong enough in the end (OUCH)) 

epic iii instrumental with the dance was just so full of young love hades and persephone just beam at eachother in this new wonderful way and once again, i was weeping because orpheus did it he la la laed the world back into tune and it is so tender and so full of love 

EVAS BELT IN WAIT FOR ME REPRISE GOT ME FEELING ALL KINDS OF CRAZY i was leaning so aggressively forward in my seat i want to remember that sound FOREVER 

doubt comes in was a really bad time. obviously i know the story but something about the show makes you hold on to all the hope in the world and I was literally sitting in my seat, my nails digging into the flesh of my palm thinking “cmon orpheus you know who you are you can do this hold on please hold on” AND THEYRE SO SNEAKY WITH THE LIGHTS IT GETS HOPEFUL AND THE SET COMES BACK TOGETHER AND THEN IT HAPPENS AND OH LORD i audibly gasped and the tears were STREAMING down my face and the face of the lady next to me who had no idea of the story rip to her man 

i literally cannot recall any of road to hell reprise visually because my eyes were so messed up with tears but hermes voice was almost like a blanket coming to wrap me up and hold me again after all that hurt and hold on to the hope that it might in fact turn out next time we sing it 

also i made an active choice to not listen to we raise our cups before the show and BOY HOWDY that was a choice because the moment it began the tears came once more and it was magical watching the audience (all standing, get that standing ovation) taking in the last little bit of magic that the show offers you and the feeling of hope and light that seeing a sunflower in all of its beauty brings. 

after the show i stagedoored and was lucky enough to meet and talk with Cherie the SM (she called the show too so I felt rlly lucky) and she wished me good luck in law school then i met John, Timothy, Jewelle, Anthony, Kimberly, and of course Reeve and Eva. I might have cried on the train home and yeah it was just this absolutely incredible and life changing moment, I feel so lucky that I was able to go it was worth it in every sense of the word. Hadestown went above and beyond and I will hold on to the memories forever. 

[howwelldoyouknowyourmoon]

I accidentally joined one cult after leaving the Unification Church cult

I decided I needed to get out of this church immediately, before I became some stranger’s child bride.

by HANNAH               November 21, 2014

When we opened our eyes, I could still feel the fleeting warmth from his hands placed on my head. We sat in a circle as he led us into a quiet chant known as the “moola mantra.”

“Moola? Like money?” I wondered. The incense smoke snaked throughout the room. I noticed a donation bowl being passed around. Yes. Like money.

“Sat chi ananda. Parabrahma. Purushathama. Paramatma. Sri Bhaghavathi Sametha. Sri Bhagavathe Namaha.”

I readily joined the others in chanting, not really knowing what they were saying. When I couldn’t remember the next phrase, I just Milli-Vanilli’d my way through it, letting the other voices fill in the gaps for me. I’ve had a lifetime of chanting in a language I didn’t understand to prepare myself for this.

In 1982, my parents, among many others, had an arranged mass marriage at Madison Square Garden (photo above), performed by the infamous Sun Myung Moon. With a simple hand gesture, Sun Myung Moon matched my parents together among a sea of brides and grooms, and five years later, I was born, the second of four children. It’s always troubling to think about how my very existence was decided by some Washington-Times-owning, money-laundering, homophobic, sushi tycoon/sexist cult leader, but I guess it makes things interesting.

Our childhood was…weird, in a word. Even as a kid I found myself thinking, “Why are we selling flowers at the side of highways?” “Why are we going door-to-door making strangers drink juice?” “Why are we sprinkling salt over our groceries?” “Why are we waking up at 5 a.m. to bow to a picture of a Korean man and a bowl of fruit?” “Why are we chanting right now, I mean, really? What language is this? I’m tired.”

Friends would come over and ask who the Korean people were in the photos around our house, referring to the Mr. and Mrs. Sun Myung Moon.

“I…uh…they’re my grandparents.” I often found myself saying.

“But…you’re…not Asian,” they’d reply, stating the obvious.

I’ll never forget my birthday during the blizzard of ’96. My parents took us to one of Moon’s mansions in D.C. to meet some witch doctor of a woman. She claimed to embody the spirit of Sun Myung Moon’s dead mother. We stood in line behind a closed door in the foyer.

Before the door slammed shut, I caught a glimpse of a large group of people gathered around a woman and a boy. The woman had her eyes closed with the boy sprawled over her lap. He wasn’t wearing a shirt and seemed to be crying. Red marks were all over him. He tried to escape her grip, arms extended to what I assumed to be his mother, who sat silently in the circle. Then, the door shut. I’m haunted.

Finally, my turn came. I nervously sat myself next to the woman. She lifted my shirt, prepubescent chest exposed, as the captive audience watched as I was hit several times on my back. She prayed in Korean over me. And then, applause. It was over. Somewhere, there is a photo of my brother and I standing in front of the mansion after the woman hit us that day. We were smiling.

Beyond the ritual abuse, there was a certain strain of poverty that only a child of a cult could understand. You get used to communal living and sleeping on floors very quickly.

Before we eventually settled in the D.C. metropolitan area, we had traveled around the country, staying in attics, basements, and church-owned hotels and mansions. There’s a very real cognitive dissonance that occurs when you’re living in a mansion, sleeping in a tiny bedroom with all six members of your family. In that mansion, I befriended a young, Japanese opera singer who lived on the top floor. She’d French braid my hair and show me pictures of her fiancé, a man she had yet to meet.

I thought this was so strange, but I would later learn that being “matched,” or engaged to a stranger in another country was common. At 17, it happened to one of my best friends. I’ll never forget the look of misery on her face as she stood in her wedding dress, among the sea of brides and grooms, holding the picture of her future husband.

It was then that I decided I needed to get out of this church, immediately, before I became some stranger’s child bride.

Within days of that decision, I got a phone call from an old friend.

“Do you want to get your third-eye opened?” She asked.

“Do I…what?”

“You heard me. Get your third-eye…opened.”

When we arrived at the house, a blue-eyed man answered the door.

“David!” Joanna squealed. “It’s so good to see you!” He wrapped his arms around her, practically swallowing her tiny frame. “Hannah, this is David. We met at a commune conference. We couldn’t stop staring at each other from across the room. It was kismet.”

David laughed and put out his hand to shake mine. “Nice to meet you, Hannah.” He led us inside, where a bald-headed man was sitting cross-legged on the floor, eyes closed deep in meditation.

He opened his eyes and spoke with a soft cadence. He introduced himself as Daniel. He told us that he had recently returned from a trip to India, where he received a special blessing known as “deeksha,” from a group called “The Oneness Movement.” By taking part in this expensive ceremony in India, he became empowered to pass this gift of enlightenment to us.

He instructed us to close our eyes as he guided us into meditation. He came around the room and gently placed his hands on our heads. I was struck by the similarities of this ritual with another my parents performed for my birthday. There is something spiritual about having someone caress the crown of your head while they speak in soft tones over you. I felt enlightened, or at least relaxed. Like Fox Mulder [The X-Files], I wanted to believe. But there was a Dana Scully in the back of my head that wouldn’t completely let me.

I began attending meetings regularly. Daniel and I developed a close friendship where we spoke on the phone daily. At one point, I was $300 short for my rent, and without blinking, he loaned me the money. Three months later, I found myself riding in a car with him to attend a Oneness Movement get-together in Pittsburg.

We pulled up to a row house in Pittsburg, where we were greeted warmly by a jolly man. He placed prayer beads over our heads, luau-style. “Namaste,” he bowed, and we did the same. He led us upstairs to his railroad apartment and gave us a tour.

“And this…is my Christmas room.” It was August.

There were two entirely decorated trees with trains circling around them. Presents galore. Reindeer, flashing lights, snowmen. It was Christmas hell. I took a seat, completely entranced and horrified by the mechanical Santa’s never-ending “ho-ho-ho” mantra. I kept thinking, “Where am I?”

Daniel called me into the next room where others had already gathered and were chanting in harmony.

“Sat chi ananda. Parabrahma. Purushathama. Paramatma. Sri Bhaghavathi Sametha. Sri Bhagavathe Namaha.”

I sat on my knees, and just as I was about to lower my head in a child’s pose bow, I noticed a familiar face from across the room. She looked a lot like Diane, a Moonie truck driver who would stop and make us oxtail soup when she passed through town. She loved talking about God with my parents. No. It couldn’t be. It was. Our eyes met. In a panic, I lowered my forehead to the ground to hide my face.

Finally, the chants subsided, and a faint voice spoke up. “Hi, I’m Anthony and I prepared a song for you all.” I slowly raised my body, trying to hide my face behind my hair. A mousy-looking teenager stood before us, boom box ready. The familiar sound of chimes and wind instruments filled the room. I knew this song.

“Olha eu vii lue mostar…” He sang. “Como é belo este mundo…”

He was singing “A Whole New World,” the Disney classic, in Portuguese. I noticed Diane was full-on staring at me. I panicked just as Anthony’s falsetto kicked in for Princess Jasmine’s part of the duet.

“Um mundo ideal…Um mundo que eu nunca vi…”

I looked around the room, scanning for any sign of acknowledgement from another human. Nothing. I noticed everyone in the room was in fact, crying. Was I that cynical? Should I feel something right now? Watching Anthony shimmy his way through the intense key change was definitely a spiritual experience, but I still didn’t want to give these people my money. I felt duped. This “whole new world” suddenly felt a lot like the old one.

I retreated to the Christmas room in an attempt to hide from Diane. On a table, I noticed a photograph of Sri Bhaghavan and his wife, the founders of the Oneness movement. They were sitting in chairs, like royalty. The photograph was nearly identical to ones my parents kept of my pseudo Korean “grandparents.” Horrified by the parallels, my inner Dana Scully finally broke through.

I spent the rest of my time at the retreat doing just that — retreating. I slithered along the walls, and managed to avoid a conversation with Diane other than, “funny meeting you here” and “please don’t tell my parents.”

When I left my respective cults, I was excited to be integrated into the real world, a place without cults, or so I thought. Not so. These days, I see cults everywhere: cults of influence, cults of institutions, cults of politics. You learn a lingo, you follow a set of rules, a code of ethics. Sometimes you wear a uniform and a name tag. Sometimes you are sleep-deprived and haven’t seen your family in weeks. In a world where CEO’s are more likely be to sociopaths, it’s harder to define what is a cult and what isn’t.

What’s important is listening to your inner Dana Scully, no matter how badly you want to believe. The truth is out there, sure, but it’s also inside you.

_______________________________________

Hannah

After selling flowers as a child with the Moonies, Hannah is now a part-time florist. Her life has hilariously come full circle. She is also a songwriter and musician. She is a student majoring in human services and hopes for a career in social justice advocacy.

_______________________________________

A few of the comments on Hannah’s story:

mrsdanger So interesting, would love to hear about your life now and your parents’ reaction to leaving.

Keith All religions are cults, some are more destructive than others. Thank you for sharing your story. Write another story for us later to let everyone know how you are doing on your new journey.

sara_ahoy I understood what she was trying to say here. A lot of successful people become that way because they refuse to follow the rules of society, some are more aggressive, and willing to throw other people under the bus in their bid for a promotion. Cult leaders tend to act similarly, acting charming but ultimately bullying their way into leadership positions and ruling through fear and ignorance.

We like to think that the societal rules that we all follow are there to benefit us, but I’ve found time and time again that I’m paying arbitrary fees of all kinds that go straight to a rich businessperson somewhere…

Lalaloki … they sure discourage people from ever taking a day off, even when sick. And then, when people do call out sick, there’s a sort of underlying guilt involved. People are being paid to be there, sure, but in a cult, people are being “paid” salvation.

tracy This is perfect! “What’s important is listening to your inner Dana Scully, no matter how badly you want to believe. The truth is out there, sure, but it’s also inside you.”

Huh Wow, you should write a memoir! I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian church that was very cultish. We left in middle school and it was hard adjusting to the real world but my “inner Dana Scully” has been strong and made me skeptical of all things spiritual ever since. My advice: If a group (religious or otherwise) makes you isolated or relies heavily on secrets get the hell out!

FoxMulder She needs to know the truth is out there

breebree Moonies aren’t rich at all! The majority (my parents included) dropped out of school and donated ALL of their money to the church. And keep doing it. Ugh, so stupid.

berly I want to know why the cult did a ritual of hitting children? [ansu, a Korean shaman ritual to get rid of evil spirits]

_______________________________________

The FFWPU / Unification Church and Shamanism

Soon-ae Hong (the mother of Hak Ja Han) spent two years in Chuncheon Prison after Ansu beating an 18-year old boy to death.

Fear and Loathing at Cheongpyeong Lake

[parkerspicedlatte]

First Mornings and Little Feet

Word count: 2.1k

Warnings: none

What's it got: FLUFF and Peter Parker x Reader

  You knew they were in your room before you’d even opened your eyes. Their little feet padded down the hallway first to you parents room, then to yours. You felt the body next to yours shift ever so slightly as the door slowly creaked open.

“She’s sleeping” one whispered, then the other, not even triying to be quiet asked “Who’s that?”

“Maybe she got married.” the first voice offered but was quickly shot down by the other rudely telling him that there would have been ‘a wedding with a pretty dress and a big cake.”

  You smile to yourself while listening to their little conversation. Unortunitly for you, the small smile gave away the fact that you were no longer sleeping.

“I think she’s awake.”

  The smile quckly disapeers and you try to cover-up your mistake by nuzzling your face into your pillow. The pillow was saturated with the smell of a familiar yet, unfamiliar shampoo.

“No she’s not her eyes are closed.” One says sticking their pudgy little finger in the corner of your eye to prove their point

“Nuh unh she’s just pretending.”

  You could hear more whispering but couldn’t make out the words, then you hear their footsteps walking towards the door, then door door clicked shut. You sigh in relief as you were worried that they’d wake Peter up. It’s not like you didn’t want them to meet him, but you weren;t really sure how he’d react to your little brother and sister as he didnt have any of his own. He seemed good with the younger ones in his appartment building, always asking them about their favourite teacher and about the characters on their tiny shoes and backpacks, telling them how cool he thought they were. But maybe being woken up at 7am on a Saturday wasn’t the best idea. Especially since this was his first time staying over. You didn’t want to throw him to the wolves that your siblings could be so early in the morning. Though since they’d left, luck seemed to be on your side. Or so you thought.

  As you opened your eyes, you were startled to find a small pair of bright green ones starring right back at you, just mere inches away.

“I told you she was pretending.” Abbi giggle, poking your cheek

“Shhhh,” You hold your finger up to your lips, “don’t be so loud honey.”

“Is that your husband?” questioned your little brother, emerging from his hiddling place behind your desk chair. You hadn’t even seen him because there were a few autume coats and sweaters flung over in disarray.

“No Theo he’s not.” You whisper back, trying to inspire them to be more quiet. They were only four and hadn;t quite drasped the concept of speaking softly when others are sleeping. Or speaking softly in general.

“Told you so.” Abbi chanted, sticking her tongue out at her brother.

“Hey be nice.” He quickly dodges away from you before you could swat her. Not that you would have. You didn’t have the energy plus you usually left the discipling to your parents.

  Theo and you were used to Abbi’s assertive and bossy behaviour. She was the more fiesty one while Theo was more shy and would be happy to go along with whatever his sisters were doing.

  Before she could mouth back at you, Peter rolled over snuggling into your back. You could feel his brows furrowing as he tried to make sense of where the small voices were comign from. You smile as he sleepily grumbles incoherrant words into yor shoulder.

“Hey it’s alright, go back to sleep.” You reasure him, rubbing your thumb across his forearm that he’d lazyily slung across your waist.

“Can you make us breakfast?” Theo asked giving you the look of a million pathetic puppys. Whoever said the puppy eyes didn’t work with green eyes, was clearly wrong.

“How about you two go eat cereal and watch TV until mum and da wake up instead."

“Because,” Abbi gestures as if she’s in some teen-drama “there’s no more milk.” Clearly this was a high ranking problem in her little world.

“Okay okay fine, just give me a few minutes alright.” Giving in before she got any louder.

  They nod eagerly and scamper out of the room, but before Theo shut the door he looks back to give you a little smile and wave. You chuckle to yourself at how sweet and adorable he could be in the morning, quite the contrast to his sister. Which you found odd because he was the least cuddly out of the two when they were babies.

  What you didn’t reallize was that Theo was actually waving to Peter. Not even two second after the door clicked shut, you feel him smile into your shoulder before pressing gentle kisses to your neck.

“How long have you been awake?” you ask as you turn around in his arms to face him.

“Few minutes.” He answers grinnign sleepily at your messy bed hair. “I didn’t realize your siblings were that young. I was expecting like ten or twelves years old.”

“Mmmmm nope they’re four.”

“Both?”

“Mmm hmm. Twins. Not identical obviously.”

“Interesting, who’s older?”

“Yeah we have no idea.”

  Peter looked at you quizically, trying to understand what you just told him. He couldn’t tell if you were being serious or not.

  You sighed before answering the unspoken question.

“We weren’t there when they were born. They were dropped off at a hospital the day after. They’re adopted.”

  Peter’s eyebrows shot up, nealy to his hair line as he listened to what you were revealing.

“I wow I had no id-I have no idea what what to say.”

“It’s alright babe, it’s not that big of a deal. They know they’re adopted. It’s some big secret. My parents have told them sice day one.”

“Man that must have been hard on them.”

“Easier then trying to hide the truth their whoel lives. Plus my parents are both red heads, I think they’d get suspicious after a while since they’re both brunettes.”

“True, so are uh are you adopted too?”

“Yep.”

“Hunh.”

  There was an awkward pause in the conversation as Peter mawled over what he’d just learned.

“Me too.” He half whispered

“What?”

“I’m adopted too.”

“Yeah, I guess you are. Huh, I never thought of it that way.”

“Me neither.” He chuckles at his confession. “So does this have anything to do with the fact that in grade 8 you told the teacher that you would rather adopt kids then have your own.”

“Um yeah actually. Peter I gotta say I’m kind of impressed that yo remember that.”

“Ohhhhh I see. You didn’t believe me when I mentioned that I’ve had my eyes on you for a while sis ya?”

“I know now.” You giggle “That actually makes me feel kind of bad that I didn’t really notice you until much later.”

“Meh, no harm done. I think it just gave me time to fall for you.”

“Oh my goodness that was cheesy.”

“Always for you.” He replies making you visibly cringe. Peter leans over to close the gap betweenn your lips. They’d just barely connected when you heard a chorus of giggles and ‘ewwws’ erupt from the doorway behind you.

  You sigh and roll over to tell them off but as soon as you moved, they bolted out of the room giggling as they went.

  Peter chuckled lightly at your departed audience.

“I am so sorry about them.”

“Why be sorry? They’re cute.”

“Believe me, they stop being cute after a while.”

“Where are you going?” he questions while youwiggled out of his grasp and out of bed.

“I have to feed the monsters remember?” you remind him as you searched the through the sweaters laying over your chair, finally settling on a navy blue one that was just slightly baggy on your frame. You stand in front of the mirror while you put your hair up in a messy bun.

“And where do you think your going?” you ask noticing in the reflection that he’d pulled the blankets off of himself to sit on the edge of the bed and stretch.

“Thought we were feeding the quote-unquote monsters. Unless you don’t want me to.”

“Peter I’m not going to say no.” You giggle, sitting yoruself down on his lap, bringing his arms around your torso. “I just didn’t think that you’d want to.”

“Anything with you is an adventure.” He smiles kissing the tip of your nose, then yoru forehead and at last, your lips. You grin into the soft kiss, pulling away after a few moments.

“Good morning.” You whisper

“Good morning yourself.” He leans back in for another kiss but you move your head before he can connect his lips with yours.

“Can’t get too destracted remember?”

“Mmmm of course.” Honestly how is it possible for someone to look that cute after denying them a kiss.

“Well then, off to feed the monsters.”

  The two of you walked out of the room and into the kitchen to see Abbi and Theo sitting in front of the TV watching Paw Patrol. You put two pans on the stove to heat them up while Peter takes the eggs and bacon out of the fridge. By then you’d caught the attention of yoru brother and sister who’d decided they wanted a job. Well more like demanded a job. I’ll let you figure out who did that...

  So you assigned them the task of toasting and buttering the bread. While they did that, they would take turns tackling Peter. One would cling to his leg or foot while the other would jump onto his back. Eventually the toast was forgotten by them but you didn’t mind. All of your previous worries involving Peter and your siblings dissapeared the moment you looked back to see them all playing together.

  After a few moments of flipping the bacon and eggs, you turned to see Peter walk back into the kitchen with his arms flexed and a child hanging off of each bicep, dangling a foot or so off the ground, giggling and squealing the whole time. He just carried them around as if they weighed nothing.

  That just happened to be the moment your parents walked in to see their youngest children hanging off the arms of a stranger. It wasn’t a complete surprise as you had mentioned the day before that Peter might stay over. You couldn’t believe that they didn’t forbdi it. You were prepared to have a big list of reasons why they couldn’t say no. Thankfully, that wasn’t needed. They seemed to be okay with the idea under the promise that nothing ‘funny’ would happen in the bedroom. They far rather the two of you stay at the house than sneaking off somewhere with someone they haven’t met. Well now it was time to meet the parents anyways.

“Morning hun, that smells delicious.” You mother says as she walkes into the kitchen, then stop when she notices the clowning aorund that is happening. “Ahhh this explains the goggling. You must be Peter. It’s nice to finally meet the boy who stole Y/N’s heart.”

“Mum!” you scoff mortifies and blushing as bright as the bacon.

“He’s cute.” She whispers as she passes you to steal a piece of bacon from a plate.

“Hi it um, it's nice to uh meet you too Mrs. L/N.” Peter stammers blushing nearly as red as you , if not more. He’d barely had time to recover before your dad walks in.

“Ah yes, I was definetly prepared for this, this morning. Meeting the boyfriend. Today, the morning of today.” He stalles trying to figure out how to handle the situation. He’d completly forgotten about Peter staying over. That was kind of the plan though, you had asked while he was watching golf so he wouldn’t give it too much thought then freak out.

“Daaaaad. Stop being weird.”

“Right, sorry uh I’d shake your hand but i see that they’re both a little full.” He recovered, jesturing to his kids still clinging to Peter.

“That’s alright.” Peter said starting to calm down once he realized that your dad was just as freaked out by this as he was.

  Peter had admitted earlier that he was nervous about meeting your parents. Especially you dad. Apparently the last time he had to meet someone's dad it didn’t go over to well. But other than the first awkward conversation, the rest of the morning went sommothly. Peter was smart about not showing PDA with your parents around. You mum just loved him right away while you dad was more hesitant. But, he came around. Honestly this mornign could not have gone better. Just you and your little family that you’d accumulated over the years

AN: Okay so this has only been spell checked so please forgive the awful grammar and such. This is the only fic I've done this week because I've been busy with family stuff and lots of home work n top of that. Hope you like it, thanks for reading-xx Reetz <3

[preoccupiedpens]

Dream Hunters Chapter 6: A Cherry Blossom’s Might

CAPSIAN AND KOFEERA did not waste any time. As soon as Hayato gave his signal, they rushed towards Daisuke.

           Daisuke knew that something was off. The three-way battle just did not made any sense. It was the last attempt for him to fail. But why, he thought. There’s no point showcasing his abilities if he gets beaten up by two powerful elves. Yep, he admitted that Capsian and Kofeera, no matter how big of a jerk they are, their powers are still to be reckoned with.

           Capsian was the first to attack Daisuke. From his right arm, a cayenne plant sprouted and formed a blade. Every slash he does, a flame follows thanks to the cayenne peppers. Daisuke manages to dodge Capsian’s assault though. Thanks to his heightened senses, he could perceive Capsian’s movements. When Daisuke saw an opening, he immediately tried to counter with a wooden arm punch, but a dark brown powder blocked his attack.

           “Don’t forget about me.” said Kofeera.

           Kofeera is using her power to grow coffee plants and beans. She then turns the beans into powder and uses it to defend Capsian.

           “With Kofeera here, I do not have to bother with defending myself. I just have to focus on cutting you.” Capsian continued to attack.

           “Or burning me. Let’s not leave that option.” said Daisuke.

           Capsian created another cayenne plant blade, this time on his left arm. He releases slash after slash, not giving Daisuke any opportunity to attack. But Daisuke still tried again to counter. This time, he managed to make some distance. He focused his mana on his feet then stomped on the floor. Just as when Capsian tried to slash, a tree grew directly below Capsian and sent him flying. Kofeera was able to catch Capsian midair however using her coffee powder. As the battle continues, the crowds cheered loudly. But Jack and Riku does not like what’s happening.

           “Three-way battle my ass. This is obviously a two-on-one battle!” Riku protested.

           “We can’t do anything about that. Any rumble-type battle will most certainly start with an alliance.” Jack responded.

           “But that’s not fair! At this rate, not only Daisuke will lose. He will lose without even showing what he can do.”

           Jack looked at Riku with a worried look. “Then let’s hope Daisuke has some ace up his sleeves.”

 Back at the stage, Capsian has already managed to wound and burn Daisuke.

           “What’s the matter, short-ears? Are we really that too strong for you?” taunted Capsian.

           Daisuke is breathing deeply. He is running out breath from dodging and most certainly of time. At this rate, he will surely lose not just the match but also the trial. He knew he has to do something about Kofeera first. Otherwise, he won’t be able to land even a single hit to Capsian’s punchable face. Just one solid punch to this jerk’s face is all he wants now.

           “Screw it. You’re having fun. I want to have some fun.” Daisuke suddenly emitted a powerful mana. He’s releasing way too much that the floor he’s standing on cratered. “Let’s do this!”

           Daisuke blasted forward, passing by Capsian and straight to Kofeera. He used a large amount of mana to create a tree that propelled himself forward. He knew that closing the distance between him and Kofeera would prompt her to defend herself from his attack.

           Kofeera used all her available coffee powder to surround herself. It was supposed to be her last resort, but after he felt the mana that Daisuke released, and the mere fact that Daisuke was able to close their distance in a blink of an eye, fear won over her. She was now inside a coffee powder cocoon.

           She’s safe, she thought. It was dark inside so she did not noticed that Daisuke was able to insert his hands just before the coffee powder cocoon closes. That’s when suddenly, she saw a bright green light. Then the coffee powder cocoon exploded.

           A tree came out with Kofeera from the cocoon. She was sent flying out of the stage and straight to the walls. When the dusts cleared, she was unconscious.

           The crowd cheered after witnessing the move that Daisuke performed.

           “Kofeera!” Capsian shouted.

           Daisuke turned towards Capsian. “Just the two of us now.” He’s right arm turned into a wooden and prepared to attack. “Are you ready?”

           “Bring it on!!”

           Capsian released his left blade and used his power to elongate the right one. When it was long enough, he forced the plant to sprout red hot cayenne peppers. Meanwhile, Daisuke changed his stance. He created roots from his legs, effectively rooting himself on the stage floor. Capsian roared as he swung his cayenne blade. It wasn’t meant to cut Daisuke, but to release a huge wall of fire to burn him. But as the flame crawled towards Daisuke, he made his move.

           Daisuke focused his mana on his right wooden arm, then he punched just as when the flame was near him. As he punch forward, the wooden arm grew forward, and larger as it go, like a giant fist. The force and speed of the growth of his right wooden arm would have recoiled and sent him flying backwards. Thanks to his roots on the legs though, he managed to stand his ground.

           As the growing wooden arm hit the flame, the flame got extinguished, but the wooden arm’s leaves got burnt. Then, the most beautiful thing was witnessed by the audience and organizers.

           The wooden arm sprouted pink flowers. Cherry blossoms. As the wooden arms continues to grow forward, the flowers dispersed but more grew from the wooden arm. The whole sacred ground was filled with cherry blossom petals.

          Capsian could not believe what he saw. But just as when it was going to hit Capsian, it halted. When Capsian already noticed that it stopped, he turned back and tried to run. But Daisuke was already behind him. Daisuke, with his bare fist, punched Capsian on his face with all the strength he could muster. Capsian collapsed, unable to stand. The crowd cheered on Daisuke so loud. He could hear them chanting his name. It was the first time the elves actually said his name like they’ve always liked him. And with that, Hayato concluded the match with Daisuke as the victor.

          A week later, the result of the Seeker Trials was posted outside the Council House. Only five candidates managed to become Seekers, including Capsian and Kofeera. Daisuke, however, failed the trials for the third time.

          That morning, Riku and Jack were already with Rango at the Council House. They already saw the result, and are now just waiting for Daisuke for today’s mission.

          “Daisuke’s still not here. I know he’s always late. But not like this.” said Riku.

          “Sir Rango, should we go to his house and check on him?” asked Jack.

          Rango looked around, then responded. “Well I think that would be unnecessary.”

          Daisuke then arrived, catching his breath as he speak. “Sorry guys...Overslept…Won’t happen again…”

          Riku and Jack were concerned about Daisuke. He already failed the trials for the third time, which means he cannot participate for another four years.

“           Have you seen the result over there?” asked Riku.

          Daisuke was already breathing normally. “Doesn’t really matter, isn’t it? I lost my cool and I failed.”

           “Then that’s that, I guess.” said Rango. “If Daisuke thinks it doesn’t matter, then let it be. Let’s focus on today’s work, shall we?”

           Rango and his team went inside the Council House. As usual, it was filled with Seekers and Elven Corps, those who are being briefed for a mission and those that already came back to report.

           As the crowd saw them, they cheered on Daisuke.

           Daisuke was confused. He doesn’t know what was happening. They were then approached by the elves, trying to talk to Daisuke. It turns out that they were all amazed by the cherry blossoms that Daisuke created.

           “It was so beautiful!” said an elf.

           “Hey, can I ask for you to grow some cherry blossom tree near our house?” asked another.

           “Yeah! Me too!”

           Everyone was clamoring about how awesome Daisuke was, some were asking for him to grow cherry blossom tree near their respective houses. The same elves that once bullied and shunned him, now changed their attitude towards him all because of the cherry blossoms.

           “Okay everyone, that’s enough!” said Rango. “Go back to your superiors!”

           “That was crazy.” said Riku.

           “Who would have thought that everyone would like you after the match?” Jack wondered.

           “I wonder that as well. And come to think of it; we never knew what your plant power was until last week.” Rango claimed.

           “Really, guys? You don’t know what a cherry blossom tree looks like?” Daisuke asked in disbelief.

           “Wait. You’re telling us that all this time, every time you use your power, it’s a cherry blossom tree?” asked Jack.

           “I guess everyone knew only the looks of a cherry blossom tree when it’s blossoming. Besides, cherry blossoms are endemic in the country of Nihokuni” said Riku.

           “We’re here, guys. Keep it down.” said Rango as they reach the office of Ananais.

           Rango knocked on the door, but no one was answering. He tried to open the door, but it was locked. Then, a scout elf from Ananais’ team came.

           “Sir Rango. Lady Ananais is at the Council Room with the rest of the councils. She asked me to bring you and Daisuke.”

           “Wait. What’s happening?” asked Rango.

           “Everything will be explained there.”

           “Can’t we come as well? We’re part of Sir Rango’s team.” asked Riku.

           “Sorry. But my order was to bring Rango and Daisuke only.”

          Daisuke and Rango followed the scout. Rango decided to dismiss Riku and Jack to take the day off.

           As they reach the Council Room, they saw the seven councils, together with the elven leaders Cedra and Tamato, and this year’s Seeker Trials organizers Raffla, Hayato, and Musa. Capsian and Kofeera was there as well.

           “Rango. Daisuke. Please, have a sit.” said Mahogry.

           Daisuke and Rango sat together. They were curious as to why they are in a meeting together with the councils.

           Orchilles then spoke to Daisuke. “So, I am sure you are wondering why you are here, Daisuke.”

           “Umm. Yes sir.”

           “Very well. Let me explain.” said Grumple. “This is about the Seeker Trials last week. But just to clarify; you are aware that you have failed three times already, correct?”

           “Yes.” Daisuke responded.

           “Good. Because thanks to your friends here,” Grumple pointed towards Capsian and Kofeera. “We learned some irregularities.”

           “Huh. Like the three-way battle?” Daisuke guessed.

           “Someone sabotaged you to fail the Seeker Trials. Not just this year’s, but also from the past two years.” Said Volcadon.

           “What are you talking about? You mean Daisuke could have been a Seeker already this whole time?!” Rango got up from his seat, demanding answers.

           “Not only that. The humans that tried to kidnap Daisuke was also planned by some elves.” Ananais added.

           Mahogry stood up. “Daisuke, we have enough evidence to conclude that your father, Sequovas, was the cause as to why you failed all your attempts in the trials. And it was Durant who planned to kidnap you using humans.”

[smoldinopup]

Jonghyun - The Letter - 2017.06.14 - Fan account

Epic Fan Account of Doom…or Fluffiness (but that sounds less cool)

People who follow my blog attentively might know that I flew to Seoul on Monday to see Jonghyun in concert on June 14, because I only mentioned it like 14142112313 times on here. This trip went as smoothly as room tempered butter on a piece of toast. Pics and a video of my trip and some fun facts can soon be found on my travel blog, but no one cares about that now, right?

Let’s get to the actual content of this post *whips out her non-existent kazoo to play a song*

@krge @gone-with-the-bling, because you two wanted to read it! ^^

I went to SM Town at noon to buy some merchandise. I had typed down everything I wanted on my phone to make things easier for me as well as the staff working at the merchandise stand. When I arrived shortly before 12 around 30 people were already waiting in line (or more like sitting on the floor). Luckily they played Jonghyun and SHINee videos throughout the waiting time on some huge screen, so the time until 1pm passed really quickly. 

It was my turn after only 10 minutes, but by then the kazoo was already sold out, which still shocks me. Not every person in front of me bought one so I’m still wondering how many SM actually sold? 15? I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that they only sold a handful of kazoos. I already read several fan accounts that they were quite short on some of the merchandise in general, but I thought it would get better in week four. Apparently not…I’m still meeh about it, because the kazoo was the one thing I looked forward to the most. Anyway, I got my merchandise (I went a little wild *coughs*. Random side note, the T-shirt is such good quality! I’m in awe and will never take it off again! Especially compared to those flimsy T-Shirts with that ridiculous sizing they had for the FIVE tour in Japan, Jonghyun’s T-shirt can only win.) 

Left side: Jonghyun’s T-shirt (free size) Right side: SHINee’s FIVE T-shirt (size S). The thing with the FIVE T-shirts, before you wash them the print looks beautiful because it’s holographic. After washing it this effect is gone. The material is also much thinner than the one they used for the Jonghyun T-shirt, and the sizing was ridiculous. Those T-shirts were super short as you can see in the photo, but super wide (it’s like a crop trop in a way) I don’t even know how Minho wore that T-shirt with his long upper body. Jonghyun’s T-shirt on the other hand... I mean you want to wrap yourself up in it and pull it down to your knees (which I can’t, because I’m too tall, but smaller people can wear it as a dress, which is adorable). They were produced in different countries, which might be a reason for the difference in quality. I don’t know, but SM please produce your Japanese tour shirts somewhere else in future!

After taking photos with the shining babes at the photo booths (SM ships 2min and Jongkey…just saying) I went back to the SM merchandise shop to buy some more SHINee merchandise and then did some sightseeing around Seoul before coming back at 7pm for the actual concert that started at 8pm.

I sat in the left block in the third row, which was amazing, and I wish I had been able to stenograph during this whole concert to capture all the details as soon as they happened like

[Jonghyun perked his eyebrow | Dead | He just growled | Deader | He smiled | Deadest]

But yeah, that didn’t happen. So please bear with me, I try to write it down as accurately as I can remember it, but like I already mentioned in my ‘fan accounts’ for the SHINee concerts I’m only human (an old one on top of that) and I can’t possibly remember everything (even if it breaks my heart). So please be aware that the following passages will be filled with a lot of cringe worthy love that I feel for this adorable human being. 

You have been warned! 

So, grab a snack, make yourself comfortable and enjoy the ride. I should just write this like a fan fiction…lmao (maybe not)

The opening VCR was him riding in a car and then walking along the beach. The presentation of the video was so nicely done, because they switched screens from left, to middle, to right as Jonghyun walked along the beach, so the audience basically followed him in his steps. He also looked astonishingly beautiful in that VCR, but let’s be real…when doesn’t he look astonishingly beautiful. The VCR was shot together with the video to ‘Lonely’, because the beach and the outfit he wore were the same as in the music video.

We stood up for the opening songs, which is always nice of course, but also made me very uncomfortable, because I was a head taller than anyone else in my block, and I constantly worried that people behind me might not be able to see the stage that well. Sorry people who sat behind me, I can’t do anything about my height T_T. Like I mentioned above I was sitting in row three, but I forgot my glasses at the hostel and therefore Jonghyun was still a little fuzzy around the edges, and I naturally tilted my head to look at the screen from time to time (force of habit…which I acquired during the Japanese concerts). 

Jonghyun wore a white T-shirt instead of the red one for the opening stage. Something like one, two, three Seoul Youth was written on it. But I’m not completely sure if that’s completely accurate, so don’t nail me down on it. 

Just like the red T-Shirt he sleeves of the white one had been generously cut off. However, I sat on the wrong side and only caught a glimpse of the tattoo on his ribs. Pity! But better than the T-shirt were those jeans! His jeans were torn in all the right places and whenever his legs moved one could see the muscles nicely contract in his thighs (is that too detailed, I wonder?) Anyway, I can attest that the boy got some booty and thighs now (@every-person-who-has-an-url-talking-about-jjongs-non-existent-butt-might-consider-an-url-change). I have to admit that I spent the majority of the first three songs with looking at his thighs and butt. I’m sorry, Jonghyun. Please forgive me my rudeness! I’m just not used to seeing you having an actual booty.

There were dancers accompanying Jonghyun for a lot of the songs again. Though, while I thought they are a nice touch during the X-Inspiration concert, they often felt like too much for this concert series, and to me it didn’t feel like they added much to the performances. But that’s just my opinion, and I’m sure others loved the dancers. As I mentioned in my “I’m screaming into the void, but I have to scream anyway post” right after the concert, Jonghyun came to the left side of the stage in the beginning of ‘White T-Shirt’ and pointed into my direction while saying ‘You’re so rock n roll’. He could have also pointed at all of us, but let me have this one little moment of fangirl love and let’s all assume he did point at me, because I stood out the most in a lot of ways, and yes, I’m more rock n roll than even Mr. Kim will probably ever be, so it would have been very fitting. (ﾉ≧∀≦)ﾉ lmao

So, that being said I was totally overwhelmed by all the fan chants. I mean sometimes I love doing them, but at other times it feels suffocating and too much, like I’m part of some Army? I have the Japanese SHINee fan chants down perfectly. You can wake me up in the middle of the night, play me a random Japanese SHINee song and I will do every fan chant perfectly (including synchronized fan light movements). I’m also quite confident in doing the Korean ones, but most of the Jonghyun ones just exhausted me. I can’t even remember if we did all of them in December? December is still such a blur. It’s a pity that I didn’t write everything down back then, because my brain is weak and so was my heart. Anyway, it took me a few songs to get into the right fan chant groove.

When the VCR to Rewind played I was shocked to hear Jonghyun speak German. I was like O.O ??? What is this foreign but familiar sounding language doing here? Is he Lady Gaga? There was Spanish, and Japanese as well…I wonder how he came up with using German and Spanish from all existing languages. Did he open Google and ask ‘How to count in different languages’ and he thought those are the fancy sounding ones? Or did Jonghyun think ‘Roo’s ancestors were German, so let’s go with some Rammstein vibes’. Either way I’m still not over it. Kim Autobahn you can speak random German words to me all day. The video was just like the song title… very repetitive. Jonghyun did the same things again and again. But I believe by now most have seen the snippet of the VCR that was posted a while ago.

I have to admit that I was a little disappointed in ‘Suit Up’. It is one of my favorite songs on the album. The band was way too loud and overpowered the softness of Jonghyun’s voice while singing the beginning of this song. The audio technicians should have changed the volume of the microphone or something since it’s never a good thing if the band is louder than the singer. As of the performance of the song, Jonghyun was rolled inside on some arm chair by some pretty female dancers who tried to ‘seduce him?’ I’m not sure, but they also stripped him off his purple jacket and his tie later into the performance, so I guess we can call it the art of seducing Kim Jonghyun. But like I’ve mentioned earlier while I loved the dancers during the concert in December, I felt like they didn’t fit the mood for the letter series, but do you do Jonghyun or SM, whoever decided that it’s a good idea to include dancers. He wore a purple suit during this segment by the way. There was a fan account that stated that he looked slimmer, because the pants fitted looser around his thighs than they had done before. I agree with that account since the pants indeed were a little looser, but I’m not sure this had anything to do with weight loss. Is it possible to lose so much weight around one’s thighs in a mere week? I don’t know. I don’t know. It also doesn’t matter…he looks beautiful no matter the shape or size! So, let’s move on.

‘Staring into Space’ was absolutely adorable, but I didn’t expect anything else, just watching him put on the robe and the little bed cap made everyone in the audience squeal in delight and him smile shyly in return. He knows he looks adorable in that outfit, but he still always acts surprised when the audience is more excited about him dressing up in cutesy outfits than seeing him undress himself. Anyway, the props for this performance stood on the left side of the stage. Some boxes, some lights, something he could sit/lie on. I’m not sure what it was exactly, something like a bench covered in pillows and a blanket? At first he only sat on it while singing, and I was already like…boooohh everyone said how adorable you get during this performance, don’t disappoint me now! As if he had heard my thoughts he lay down with that little dog plushie (that wore some polka dotted hoodie) and pulled down the sleeping mask, and then playfully tugged the mask down on one side so only one eye peeked out. You can imagine the squeals coming from all sides. He continued with pulling the other side down as well so his nose and his mouth were basically covered by the sleeping mask. It looked adorable. He’s such an adorable human being and he’s very aware of that. After the performance ended he got up to take the robe off and he was quite amused by the disappointed reaction of the audience, because everyone wanted to see him continuing the concert in that outfit. It’s definitely a look! Next SHINee comeback should include sleeping masks and robes.

For ‘Blinking Game’ some fancy looking lights were lowered onto the stage behind Jonghyun, and the scenery gave off the atmosphere of some fancy jazz club, and one only waited for a contrabass to start playing.

We used the hand bells for ‘Gloomy Clock’, and Jonghyun had a lot of fun altering the rhythm randomly to confuse the audience. Sometimes he really does act like a little kid, having the most fun by bringing mischief to the stage. But it shows how much he enjoys performing, and seeing him have so much fun, makes one’s heart feel really warm and fuzzy.

I’m quite sad that the talk segments were basically me sitting around and having no idea what Jonghyun was talking about. That’s what I personally like about the Japanese concerts, because there I understand most of the things they say, which is quite nice. But yeah, it’s not their fault that I don’t speak Korean. Anyway, before the cockroach song he looked for a couple again (apparently there was none…or no one wanted to out themselves) so he picked out some girl who had been single for a very long time. I only understood a few words, and tried to figure out the content of their conversation by clutching onto every straw that was thrown, and after that one fan account I was surprised to realize that I wasn’t that off with my speculations. It was really fun listening to their conversation, because that girl was very fierce (I loved her since she was not shy to voice her opinion) and ranted so much that she apologized several times when Jonghyun got all ㅎㅅㅎ--- O_O--- :’D and wondered why she sounded like she was mad at him. It was adorable. She mentioned Minho at some point, but I’m not sure what she said. Did she refer to him as her ideal type? I don’t know. 

The cockroach song was awesome live, and the animation of the cockroaches were so adorable! Especially when one cockroach was sitting on Jonghyun’s head. He got all embarrassed when he saw himself on the screen with that cockroach head on his, and started laughing. Speaking of little, embarrassed Jonghyun. He also got very shy when all the fans excitedly waved their fan lights around when he sung the now infamous lyrics of ‘Where are you?” You know the drill. It was amusing. But what else did he expect the reaction of fans to be when he wrote those lyrics? Probably no one is going to look at him in disgust when he sings ‘Where is the person who is going to kiss me?’ Are there any fan accounts about what Minho did during this part when he attended the concert yesterday? I expect Choi to jump up from his seat and point at himself!

The second girl he talked to was one of the people who sent in letters. I have absolutely no idea what the conversation was about, but she was very shy and said annyeonghaseyo very, very awkwardly and shyly and also sounded slightly bored on top of it (an interesting mix), which Jonghyun apparently found quite amusing and mimicked the greeting in the same awkward manner and tone. We can conclude Jonghyun likes to play and tease the audience. In general I got the feeling that he really enjoys talking to the fans, listen to their stories, and give them advice. It felt like group therapy session with Doctor Kim. For the talk segments he walked around the stage and when reading the letters he sat in an arm chair in the middle of it. At some point he was wearing a huge white shirt with a wide collar and some pretty necklace. It was such a nice and dreamy outfit. Did I mention how beautiful his eye make-up was done? His eyes looked so pretty and shiny, and… *inserts all the hearts*.

The stages I feared the most were the ones starting off with ‘Let me out’. I really thought I would start crying him a river right then and there, but luckily that didn’t happen. The prop for this stage consisted of some cocoon looking 2m tall foldable wall that surrounded him, and he wore all black with a black corsage like binder around his waist. Let me tell you that corsage did things to his figure. I mean we all know he has a tiny waist, but that binder only emphasized that, which made his shoulders and arms look massive while it made his waist look even tinier. Especially when seen from the side with the light falling onto him he looked like some statute in a museum. I think this was my favorite outfit of the night, because he just looked very dark and mysterious, but also very soft and beautiful at the same time. This guy is just a contradiction, but what else is new.

Like some fan accounts already stated the performance to ‘Let me out’ is quite intense and Jonghyun puts his everything into it, but just like with ‘Suit up’ the band overpowered him during the quieter parts, which is a pity. I don’t know if this was a general problem and just no one mentioned it until now, because fans tend to throw all form of critic out of the window as soon as they are graced by his presence or if the concert I attended was an exception. Maybe they should have arranged those songs differently, because performing them live requires some special attention in my opinion so the haunting feeling of the music and lyrics get across to the audience.  After ‘Let me out’ Jonghyun pushed the cocoon open and continued with ‘Elevator’, one of my all-time favorite Jonghyun songs. It was very powerful and I sat in the audience with goosebumps.

The duets between Jonghyun and Shawols were beautiful. He should consider recording a song with a bunch of Shawols as duet partners in future. I especially liked the Shawol duet to ‘Love belt’, because it makes it easier to yell ‘I NEED YOU. I LOVE YOU…HOLD ME’ at Jonghyun without seeming like a crazy person. (/・・)ノ

The VCR before the encore seems to change every so often and while it was a rice brand Jonghyun advertised last week, he did some advertising for a drink this week. He tried to act as if he was seducing that bottle in his hand, and ran it along his face and so on. It looked hilarious. I laughed so hard. I live for funny VCRs. After the video ended everyone’s head suddenly turned to the entrance of the theater, and I was like ‘What is going on? Why is everyone turning their head around?’ I figured out why around ten seconds later when Jonghyun came down the aisle on the left side for ‘Deja Boo’ and everyone started screaming. Holy guacamole I wasn’t ready for seeing Jonghyun that close. I thanked all existing Gods on this planet that I sat in the left block so he passed me only a few feet away and came to a halt right in front of my block. HE’S SO TINY!!!! *USES ALL CAPSLOCK IN THE EXISTENCE OF CAPSLOCK* AND SO BEAUTIFUL!!!! Wow, I was so dumbfounded that I just stared at him like the weak fangirl I am. How do people survive fan signs? I mean yes, he’s just a normal human being, no need to put him on any pedestals (that’s 100% correct) but holy daisy…if he isn’t one of the most beautiful human beings I was able to lay my eyes on. His skin was glowing! If it had been me standing right in front of him in that first row I probably would have gaped at him without feeling any shame. He has just a very engaging aura. I mean it is one thing to see him up close on stage, but when he’s literally on eyelevel with you…oh my oh my…how do people manage to act all normal around him? Are they dying on the inside from all the tiny firework explosions and fan feels? Tell me your secrets survivors of the US fan meets!

Random anecdote: 10 years ago I met my back then favorite guitar player during a meet and greet and expected to die right then and there. However, I didn’t die and I carried a table with him instead and told him how tiny he is, which resulted in the singer laughing and saying ‘Well, what a nice compliment!’ Me being as smooth as a spiky cactus. So thinking about this fan girl episode of mine I probably would say something stupid instead of dying inside. But I matured, I wouldn’t call Jonghyun tiny to his face. I learned from this embarrassing episode that still haunts me at night sometimes.

The concert ended with ‘Fortune Cookie’ and ‘Beautiful tonight’. As always Jonghyun directed the audience during ‘Beautiful tonight’ and I looked at every kazoo around me in envy. I wanted to become a kazoo kid. I will forever be bitter about this. But I might just buy one from ebay and start my kazoo career anyway. No need for Jonghyun’s concert logo on this genius music instrument. I loved how he cherished every single person in the band accompanying him, and jammed along to every instrument. He played air bass guitar, it was so adorable and cute and I just wanted to pinch his cheeks and pat his head.

The ending of a concert always makes me feel very empty and this time was no different. As soon as Jonghyun left the stage I felt a wave of ‘So this was it. The final goodbye’. It’s always the worst part of a concert, because you just don’t want it to be over yet. The concert was a little over 2 hours, I believe, and everyone stormed out of the concert hall to wave Jonghyun goodbye at SM Town’s side entrance. When I arrived at SM Town that day I tried to figure out where all those ‘Arrival’ and ‘Departure’ photos had been taken, but I didn’t have to look long for it, because the entrance is right next to the actual entrance of SM Town. So, I followed the crowd and waited behind a barrier. I think at least half of the audience waited for him there, and most of them had their phones and cameras ready, already filming the door. Some of the girls even had little stools they could stand on so they could see the entrance better. He exited the building shortly after, waved into the crowd like usual and then disappeared into the waiting car. Nothing too dramatic…

It was a beautiful concert; very cozy and somehow very intimate. I for one belong to the group of people who prefer small venues, and I never understand why some fans have it as a goal to attend a Tokyo Dome concert at least once in their lives. I mean you do you, but it sounds more fun than it actually is. I already disliked the size of Saitama Super Arena with a little over 30.000 seats and I don’t want to imagine how a hall filled with over 50.000 must feel like. Yes, the ocean might look beautiful with 50.000, but it already looks beautiful with 500, so I don’t know what the big deal is…especially if you happen to only get a ticket on the fourth/fifth floor. But to each their own I guess. One needs to have a goal in life after all, and if it’s attending a SHINee concert, then that’s a really good one! So, you go Shawols! ^^

I should end this here, but I want to add a last note on the global packages. Last year I got a global package for the first X-Inspiration concert, because a) I didn’t know better b) his first concert was on my birthday and therefore I wanted to go there whatever the cost. As most of you know the global packages are very pricy to begin with, but in the case of the X-Inspiration concerts they also offered a lot in return, and you could choose the price category of the hotel. So after calculating everything, I thought, well the price is not too bad, and I still don’t regret buying that package, because it was a wonderful experience that I treasure a lot. However, this time the prices for the global packages were even higher, you couldn’t choose the price category, and they offered nothing at all except for the goodies. All I thought was ‘SM, what are you doing???’ This being said, if you have the money, just go for it, but if you are on a budget you might want to look around a little. There are trustworthy Korean sites which people use to resell their tickets and if you are lucky enough you might find a ticket to a reasonable price. The one I found was only 40$ more than the original price and was a seat in the third row, so I’m not complaining.

So, in conclusion: Did I have fun at the concert? Yes, I did! Was it enjoyable? Yes, definitely. Would I do it again? Oh yeah, anytime. There is just something about Jonghyun or SHINee as a whole group that makes me incredibly happy, and I’m very thankful that they never fail to put a smile onto my face.  ♡

Thank you! (♡＾▽＾♡)

[fitnessexpert00-blog]

Fitness Isnt a Lifestyle Anymore. Sometimes Its a Cult

New Post has been published on https://fitnessqia.com/must-see/fitness-isnt-a-lifestyle-anymore-sometimes-its-a-cult/

Fitness Isnt a Lifestyle Anymore. Sometimes Its a Cult

San Franciscos Fort Mason park is empty in the early morning darkness, every surface the color of a used cast-iron pan. Its pouring rain, and Ive been wandering around since just after 6, trying to find well, Im not exactly sure. All I know is that, according to a Facebook post, members of one of the strangest fitness groups in the country are supposed to be meeting here right about now. But the Google Maps screenshot I pulled from the website seems to have directed me to a parking lot. Or the front door of the high-end vegetarian restaurant Greens. Its hard to tell.

I check Facebook again.

What are you planning to do for the first Monday of 2016? Sleep in? Lazily slog on into work? No need for that. Come join us for #DonutMondays at NPSF (Gil, dont forget the donuts!). Fort Mason. 6:25AM

Just as I start thinking Ill have to find my own doughnut, a woman in her mid-twenties jogs up to me looking equally lost. Shes dressed in a gray Adidas jacket, black leggings, and a tank top that resembles caution tape. Her wet hair is stuck to her forehead as though shes just been dunked in the Pacific.

Do you know where November Project meets? she asks with a slight accent. Relieved, I tell her Im trying to find them as well. Im Stine! she says.

And then she hugs me.

What distinguishes November Project is not just the fact that its freejust as instructors arent paid, members dont paybut the degree to which it actually is a social identity. The movement extends beyond exercising to encompass rituals and customs, social expecta­tions, and repercussions for failing to participate. Thats right: If you skip a November Project workout, youre not out any cash, but the fallout is arguably more severe. Youre, well, shamed. Online. Its weird.

Spoiler: Not a lot of people miss workouts. Teixeira calls it an absolute feast for someone studying motivation for exercise.

One member compared November Project to a church. More commonly, people refer to it as a cult. Never in the pejora­tive Im-trapped-and-I-cant-escape sense, though. More like, This is the greatest-tasting Kool-Aid in the world!

Laura McCloskey leads the San Francisco tribe in a high-intensity workout. Hugs and hand-holding are not optional.Jake Stangel

While we walk, Stine, whos originally from Denmark, tells me about her obsession with November Project. Shes been a member of the Boston tribebears repeating: tribefor about four months and is visiting San Francisco for the week. Its been such a great way to meet people. Cities can be lonely, but you have this instant community, she says, using a nice-enough line that begins to sound like propaganda as I hear other members repeat it.

Two people who say it a lot are Brogan Graham and Bojan Mandaric. They are November Projects cofoundersand they totally fit their gladiatorial-sounding names: 6-foot-tall, bald, tattooed former collegiate rowers. Back in 2011, when the friends were trying to stay motivated during a Boston winter, they agreed to work out every weekday morning at 6:30, keeping track of their progress on a spreadsheet named for that first month, November.

Then, for reasons neither can quite remember, they sent out a tweet to see if anyone would join in. Two people became three, and a movement was born. When the Boston tribe reached 300 people, Graham and Mandaric got matching tattoos.

In the past few years, fitness has developed into some­thing of a social identity — at least among plugged-in, upper-middle-class, roughly millennial-age urbanites.

It was a powerful turning point for Graham. During his sophomore year at Northeastern University, he was charged with assaulting a rival college rower. Though the charge was dropped in exchange for community service, he lost his scholarship and was kicked out of school. The experience shaped Grahams views on community and inclusion. Got a bad rap? I dont care, he wrote in the movements official history. Are you at November Project to be kind, work your ass off, and start your day right? Then thats all that matters.

As Stine is telling me how much she loves November Projects instant community, we find who were looking for. Unmistakably silhouetted against the foggy morning sky, about 40 people stand in a lopsided semicircle, arms crossed, heads bowed against the wind. They could be praying.

A woman in striped leggings and a North Face trucker hat climbs onto a park bench. Good morning! says Laura McCloskey, the San Francisco tribe leader, in a stage whisper. Were going to do a workout that I just came up with! I want everyone to break into groups of four! Find your four! Try to group up with someone you dont normally pair with!

Jake Stangel

Before we start, she asks if today is anyones first time. A few people raise their hands. I, not quite ready to give up my anonymity, do not. The newbies are directed to state where they come from, how they got here, and whether theyre single. A version of this happens at every November Project meetup, one of the traditions borrowed from Graham and Mandarics original Boston tribealong with chants, stair laps, a rallying move called the bounce, and, of course, physical affection. People come looking for a sense of belonging, Mandaric says. We foster that.

The same thing goes for November Projects other tactics for promoting inclusiveness. Hashtags are essential follow November Project on Twitter and youll see a lot of #hills­forbreakfast, #sleepwhenyouredead, and #justshow­up. Members usually don highlighter-colored sportswear, stenciled and spray-painted with the logo #grassrootsgear. The result is a group of people who look alike, sound alike, and hug alike.

Toward the end of our workout, a man in my squat group finally discovers that I didnt announce myself as a new member. Were going to fix this, he says with a grin. He outs me to McCloskey, who has me wave to everyone during the group photo (another ritual) and apologize for not making my presence known. Eventually, everyone becomes part of the tribe.

Jake Stangel

In Graham and Mandarics crew days, their coach had a policy: If anyone missed practice, the whole team had to do dry-land workouts. It worked because nobody wanted to let the group down. When they started November Project, they knew theyd need a similar system for keeping people accountable to the tribe.

I feel a tiny bit of thisan expectation that no one is above the groupwhen Im teased for not introducing myself. But thats nothing compared to what happens to someone who doesnt show up for a workout. For that, November Project has perfected a bizarre, more 21st-century form of establishing accountability: online shaming. This is known as We Missed You.

From November Projects website: If you decided that staying in bed was a better option than working out with your friends (who you promised that youll be there) then your face will be featured here.

Members usually don highlighter-colored sports­wear, stenciled and spray-painted with the logo #grassrootsgear.

By face, they mean embarrassing photos lifted from the shamed members Facebook profile or supplied by friends. Posts go on to explain that this person committed to attending a workoutmade a #verbal, in tribe-speakbut reneged. Screenshots of text messages and emails confirming said #verbal are posted, along with guesses as to why the absentee might have failed to show upanything from you must have gotten too drunk the night before to perhaps you were lost on a Segway tour. Its an elaborate expression of profound disappointment in the offending person, and there are hundreds of examples on the website.

Paddy OLeary, a member of the San Francisco tribe, remembers when he skipped a workout in 2013. A fellow member made him a We Missed You video; he hasnt missed a workout since. Other victims confirm the tactics effectiveness. You look like an idiot for sleeping in when everyone else is having an amazing time, says Holly Richardson, also in San Francisco. Its not worth it.

McCloskey makes no apologies for the policy. November Project is successful because it relies on word of mouth and accountability, she says. If I tell you that I will meet you at the corner of Market and Sanchez to run to November Project, come rain, snow, or dinosaurs, I will be there. In the event that someone sends one of those pathetic just cant do it texts at 5:55 am, we have the right to roast them. And roast we do.

Jake Stangel

Heres the fundamental thing about shaming: According to behavioral psychologists, its not supposed to work. Sure, it might force someone to make a change in the momentcontestants on The Biggest Loser shedding pounds before a national audience, for instancebut the effects dont always last. When your goals, attitudes, or values are shaped by external motivators, its unlikely youll stay satisfied or committed for long.

This is certainly true when it comes to working out. For decades, experts in behavior modification have tried to get people to commit to exercise. So far, nothing has worked, says Jack Raglin, a professor of kinesiology at Indiana University. It doesnt matter if youre paid to exercise, if youve paid to exercise, if you might die from lack of exercisemost people just dont stick it out.

Yet theres an undeniable element of shaming to this latest generation of exercise fads. It may have started with fitness trackers, which made people more aware of their activity levels in relation to othersreach 10,000 steps or your coworkers will know youre a slob. From there, programs began capitalizing on group pressure. In Orangetheory workouts, your calorie burn and heart rate are displayed on a screen. CrossFit posts scores as well, believing it encourages people to push harderand now its in 13,000 affiliated gyms worldwide.

But this motivation strategy, researchers like Raglin and Teixeira suggest, could be as doomed as any other. You may initially want to impress your peers or get your moneys worth, but those considerations rarely lead to true behavior change. If the standard adherence rate for exercise holds, Raglin says, half the people will stop showing up to these classes within a year.

Youd think this would apply to November Project too. After all, the threat of We Missed You is external. But there are some differences. November Project members are not paying anything to be there, the goals arent about burning the most caloriesyet people show up anyway. And many of them have been at this for years, without ever missing a single workout. Its clearly working for some people.

Jake Stangel

True motivation, Teixeira says, takes something extra, something intrinsic. If members of a group think they are gaining useful skills, feel personally valued, and perceive that they have control over their actions, they are more likely to fully commit. Teixeira believes November Project gives you a bit of all these things. And indeed, everyone I talk to seems like a lifer. But then again, I only talk to people who are there. The one real data point we have is that November Project continues to expand. A recent partnership with the North Face aims to help grow the movement.

Jennifer Hurst, an associate professor of health and exercise science at Truman State University, suggests November Project may be succeeding at pulling off a rare thing: positive shaming. It only works when the person truly cares what the shamers think, she says. The desire for social connectedness and the positive feeling some get from the environment must be worth the time, energy, and sacrifice. That explains why the rituals, cultlike as they seem, are so crucial. You dont want to disappoint people you hug, not to mention chant and bounce and dance with.

A number of years ago, Raglin and his colleagues found that married adults who enrolled in a recreational fitness program together had an average adherence rate of over 90 percent, compared to just 50 percent for those who enrolled on their own. The married pair didnt necessarily exercise together or even in the same room, Raglin says. They simply came and left together. Yet the social benefit was quite profound.

That may also help explain November Projects success. Members might not be married to each other, but theyre married to the group. And the group is what holds November Project together.

Jake Stangel

It turns out some November Project members actually are married to each other. At one of my workouts, a young couple tells me they met in the Boston tribe. The movement encourages this sort of thingleaders are expected to host mixers and speed-dating events. The phrase There will be babies appears on the blog and in promo material.

Yes, its all a bit creepy, and I dont blame passersby who look at us funny (there are many of them). And no matter how many times Im told that We Missed You is not about shaming, its about love, I wont be entirely convinced. But you cant deny the smile on these peoples faces. Nobody looks like that when theyre huffing it alone on a treadmill in their garage. I wont be heading up a November Project tribe back home in Santa Fe, but if one comes to my town, I wouldnt say no to a few hugs.

With dawn creeping over the edges of the city, we put our arms around each other and start to bounce. Yall good? someone says, in signature November Project whisper-shout. Fuck yeah! the group whispers back.

Surprising myself just a little, I say it too.

Meaghen Brown (@meaghenbrown) is a freelance journalist based in Santa Fe, New Mexico, and the former online fitness editor for Outside.

This article appears in the July 2016 issue.

Read more: http://www.wired.com/

[bwzq]

5

The characters in this play generally stay rooted to a spot and rarely speak to each other. In this sense, it is very much a realist play. The stage is set to look like the insides of an MRT cabin �� all that is necessary to show this is a greyish-white sickly-looking plastic wall in the background. In the middle of the stage is a pole. It is very similar to a pole-dancing pole but it is an MRT pole. Wrapped around it is bright yellow tape with “OUT OF ORDER” printed in bright red letters. None of the characters have names.

Before entering the theatre, each member of the audience will receive a small piece of paper resembling an MRT ticket stub.

The main character, a woman in her late-twenties, first sits among the audience at the far inner corner of a row of seats. She has with her a pram. At the centre of the stage, a secondary school student, a dishevelled businessman, and an Uncle in his mid-60s. They stand with their backs facing one another, surrounding the pole. The secondary school student is reading, his face buried in a huge pile of notes. The businessman has his face glued to his Smartphone, fingers swiping furiously at the screen. Around his neck are large headphones. The Smith’s “There is a light that never goes out” is on repeat and can be faintly heard. The Uncle stands hunchbacked, a weary, dazed look in his eyes. While they are dressed variously- school uniform for the student and office-wear for the woman, businessman and Uncle- they each have on a grey tie, pulled tightly all the way up to their neck resembling a noose.

Lights on.

 WOMAN

[She starts to push her pram, squeezing past audience members to make her way to the centre of the stage] Sorry… Sorry… Excuse me… Sorry… [She smiles nervously at some of the audience members as her pram brushes their legs] Excuse… Sorry… [Comes to a stop in front of the other characters, as though they are in an MRT and she is standing outside]

 PA System

[Drones chirpily] Doors opening. Beep beep beep…

 WOMAN

[Shuffles into the train clumsily and brushes past the secondary school student, causing him to drop his stack of papers] Sorry sorry … shit … I’m really sorry

STUDENT

Tsk. [Quickly bends down and fumbles to pick the papers up, his backside hitting the businessman behind him]

BUSINESSMAN

Tsk. [Sighs exaggeratingly and frowns deeply]

UNCLE

[Sighs and shakes his head]

WOMAN

[Looks on helplessly] Sorry sorry … sorry ah.

 PA system

Doors are closing. Next station, Botanic Gardens. Passengers changing to the Downtown Line, please get off at the next stop.

 Sound of the train moving.

Sudden screeching of rails.

 WOMAN

[Loses her balance and bumps into the businessman] Ugh. Sorr- [Looks intently at pram to avoid eye-contact]

BUSINESSMAN

[Looks up from his phone and frowns at the woman, then glares at the pram questioningly] Tsk! [Looks around for another place to stand but finds none because the carriage is fully packed]

STUDENT

[Chanting indistinctly] Total surface area equals Pi times “R” times “L” plus Pi times R-squared…

 Sound of rails screeching.

 WOMAN

[Loses her balance and strikes the pram handle against the Pole, tearing off a bit of yellow tape and causing a piercing metallic sound] Nggh. [Looks down, directly at the pram. She is on the verge of tears]

 The pole is shiny and appears to be functional.

 STUDENT, BUSINESSMAN, UNCLE

[Altogether and progressively louder] Tsk… Tsk… TSK… TSK… TSK… [Glare furiously at the woman]

Woman cowers in fear.

 Lights off.

Complete silence.

 PA system

Dear passengers, we apologize for the sudden braking due to a track fault. Train service will resume shortly

All the characters freeze.

Spotlight shines on the student.

 STUDENT

[Takes a step forward and lowers his pile of papers to reveal his face, wrought with anxiety] I don’t know. I don’t know anything. [Nervously] Some people have been complaining about the MRT. About how it has been… [Pause] …breaking down. [Pause] So far I haven’t been late for school because I leave home an hour early. It’s normal la I guess. They always say uni students only sleep 4 hours a day. Prepare myself first also good. My O Level’s are in 2 months [Scratches head nervously] Fuck [Pause] If I’m not late for my papers I’m ok. Anyway, as long as I have enough space to read my notes I’m ok. Make good use of time what see yesterday on the train to school I memorize area of circle, on the train back I memorize circumference. Today I already memorizing height of cylinder. I have friends one day memorize all. [Pause] I’m not studying so hard for my parents, don’t get me wrong. I’m studying for myself. Parents are ok. Just that I remember that time in my Sec 3 maths tuition got one girl she committed suicide. [Pause] People say her parents push her too hard and some say because her mid years L1R5 got 16 points. But I don’t know. Um… she was the one that told me: ‘it’s true what, if we don’t get into JC science stream you think next time can get job meh?’. But we weren’t very close. So I don’t know. I just know she was fucking stressed I could tell. So now I’m studying harder first so next time the pressure doesn’t all come to me at one shot. I damn scared I end up like her. [Pause]. Anyway, all these formulas I think can be quite useful next time. [Walks slowly back to his spot, mumbling to himself] Circumference equals Pi R Square… Circumference equals Pi R Square… [Pulls his necktie even tighter].

 Spotlight off.

Spotlight shines on the Uncle.

 UNCLE

[Takes a few steps forward, dragging his feet] Aiya. Nowadays you’ll see a lot of funny funny people. Now 7am peak hour everyone going to work. Why does a baby need to go out at 7am in the morning? [Gestures to the mother with pram] The train not crowded enough ah? Then whole day break down break down. [Wearily] I am already 64 years old, still gotta squeeze like this every day. Retirement age 62 but I still can work. If not next time sick who take care? You ah? [points to audience member] Or you ah? [Points to another audience member]. [Pause] Singapore is like that la. Anyway, if I retire what can I do? Play chess at void deck can play for how long. Then after that leh? Learn flower arrangement at the CC? Anyway, that time what the minister say is true. Work is exercise can keep fit, why not? Maybe now Olympic Singapore got gold, Paralympic also got gold. They planning for future mah next time if got elderly Olympic also can get gold. It’s good. Every day I sit at my desk punch hole leh, see my forearm now Sibei Kau Lat1 [Flexes forearm and laughs to himself]. [Pause] Must be happy la. Tired is ok. But must be happy. [Drags feet back to his spot].

 Spotlight off.

Spotlight shines on the businessman.

 BUSINESSMAN

[Looks up from his phone] I don’t understand. I really don’t get this bullshit. I can’t even take the train properly. If my stupid car not in the workshop I won’t even step into this pathetic excuse of a train. Can’t they actually hire people who can do their job properly? This is ridiculous. My company needs me to function. Who the hell needs a baby? [Gestures to the mother with pram]. They should seriously consider imposing a law where only working people can use the train during peak hour. IMPORTANT working people. The rest can just stay at home. [Pause] Anyway did you guys read the news. Job market now is terrible. [Holds up the screen of his phone to the audience]. Singaporean fresh graduates can’t even find jobs. Yet I see all the PRCs holding top positions. I had one employee from China. Joined our company for three months, got pregnant and took four months paid maternity leave, used up her annual leave and took paid medical leave, even came with us for our company holiday, then resigned. Just like that. Well done. These people got our system played right under our noses. Wonderful. Fucking pigs. Funny how their bloody great wall is a bloody wonder of the world but cannot keep them in their own country. [Pause] Speaking of walls, I’d better get down to buying shares in Caterpillar. [Begins to swipe furiously at his phone again and walks back to his spot].

 Spotlight off.

Shrill sound of baby crying.

Spotlight shines on the woman.

 WOMAN

[Hurriedly bends down to tend to baby] SSHHH… Mei stop crying. [Flustered]. Everyone’s staring at us please stop crying. Are you hungry again? I thought I just fed you? [Takes out a milk bottle] Stop crying ok?

 Baby cries even louder.

 WOMAN

[To baby] We’re reaching soon already, one more stop only then we reach your childcare already ok? Please, please, please, please, oh my god, will you please just stop!

 Baby is inconsolable.

 WOMAN

[To baby] STOP CRYING! Every single day I have to send you to your childcare before I go to work. You think this is easy for me? If not for your useless father you think I have to do this? I should have left you with him you ungrate- ugh. Your STUPID father left you, left US. Left with another woman right after you were born. [Shakes the pram violently]. Every single day. Why is my life so hard? Why can’t you understand? All you have to do is not cry and be a good girl but you can’t even do that! I want my life back! Give it back to me. Give it back to me! [Reaches into the pram]

 Baby cries even louder, almost drowning out her mother’s voice.

 WOMAN

[Hysterical] STOP CRYING STOP CRYING STOP CRYING STOP CRYING STOP CRYING [Screaming] STOP FUCKING CRYING BEFORE I BREAK YOUR LITTLE NECK! [Tries to grab the pole and stand up but misses, falling violently to the ground].

EVERYONE

TSK!

 Spotlight off.

Complete silence.

Lights on. Everyone is standing as they were at the start.

 PA system

Dear passengers. Thank you for your patience. We have resolved the technical difficulty and usual operations will be resuming shortly.

Sound of train moving.

Lights off.

During the curtain call, The Smith’s “There is a light that never goes out” is played.

End.

Glossary:

1. Sibei Kau Lat: Extremely strong/potent.

[tune-collective]

Adele's 11 Best Tour Moments: Twerking, Stand Up Comedy, Spice Girls Covers & More

Adele's 11 Best Tour Moments: Twerking, Stand Up Comedy, Spice Girls Covers & More

The first leg of Adele’s international tour in support of her record breaking album 25 has been filled with moments that have mixed humor, tenderness, earnestness and even fragility. 

As she prepares to wrap up nearly a year and a half of touring with current dates in Australia before four sold out shows at London’s iconic Wembley Stadium, we look back at some of the the tour’s best moments to date. 

Adele Does Dirty Stand-Up When Power Goes Out at Australian Show

When the power was accidentally cut during her show in Adelaide, Australia, on March 13, Adele did what comes naturally: she told a dirty joke to pass the time: “What do you call a blonde standing on her head? A brunette with bad breath,” she said.

Adele Helps a Same-Sex Couple Get Married at Copenhagen Show

In May, at a tour stop in Copenhagen, Denmark, Adele invited two fans onstage for a marriage proposal. “I’m going to cry!” she said, holding the microphone, before offering to be their surrogate if they ever want kids. 

this is cute but Adele’s reaction is even cuter please send helphttps://t.co/xAMFqwK4CL

— ALBA (@AdeleMyOnlyOne) May 4, 2016

  Adele Invites Irish Singers From Viral Video to Perform Onstage in Dublin

In May, Adele brought a whole lot of attention to two Irish musicians’ viral medley cover video when she invited them onstage by surprise to perform with her. “Oh come on, you can’t put it online and me be in Dublin and not think think I’m gonna tell you to come up,” she told them. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RBcIPuKDUc

Watch Adele Shut Down a Fan for Filming Her Concert

Adele took offense with a ticket-holder who chose to take in a recent show though a camera screen. “Yeah, I want to tell that lady as well, can you stop filming me with a video camera because I’m really here in real life. You can enjoy it in real life, rather than through your camera,” she told the audience member, along with the entire crowd. “Can you take your tripod down? This isn’t a DVD, this is a real show. I’d really like you to enjoy my show because there’s lots of people outside that couldn’t come in.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gg0pSgrtQJo

Adele Photobombs Fan at U.K. Concert

One Adele fan got an extra-special memento from the pop singer’s concert in Manchester, England: a selfie with a sneaky Adele posing in the background. The record-breaking artist briefly stopped her entire show as the fan posed for a photo, jumping in with a big smile. 

Adele holds up her sell-out crowd to photobomb a superfan who didn’t know she was posing https://t.co/21s4jOSnPG pic.twitter.com/Qh4NnJYy8m

— Alana Lucy (@newswork24) March 9, 2016

  Adele Tries Out Twerking at London Concert

Amidst her string of performances at London’s O2 arena, Adele not only announced that she would be headlining the Glastonbury Festival in 2016 but also attempted to twerk for the audience.

“I think I just twerked!” she exclaimed, like it had been an accident. “I can’t do it that well. My whole body has to move,” she joked. “My bum could break my back it’s so enormous.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UI-fXvIpS2w

Adele Assists a Fan’s Leap Day Marriage Proposal in Ireland

Adele assisted a woman’s Leap Day proposal (per Irish tradition) at her tour-opening show in Belfast, Ireland. Somewhat awkwardly, the proposal wasn’t a surprise — the woman, Hayley, had already proposed to her boyfriend, Neil, and he’d responded “maybe.” Adele helped turn that to a yes, saying, “You got to say yes Neil. You need to say yes, bruv,” and encouraging the audience to push him along.

Adele Invites Look-Alike Superfan on Stage

Adele brought a look-alike superfan on stage during a concert in Birmingham, England, where they chatted in front of the crowd and posed for a selfie. Bamforth’s fiancé, Tom Winkler, was the one who drew Adele’s attention to her doppelgänger during the concert, and afterward shared the adorable selfie on Twitter.

@Adele made my fiancés day, month, year! Thank you for the massive amount of brownie points! pic.twitter.com/hTTMN5r3rY

— TomsMarathons2016 (@TomWinkler06) March 29, 2016

  Adele Forgets Lyrics to a Song in Concert

Performing at the MEO Arena in Lisbon, Portugal, Adele had a vacant moment while performing and forgot her lyrics. “Shit, wrong words,” she said, recovering with a laugh shared with the audience. “Should I sing the right words? Sorry.”

Adele forgot the lyrics to her song and this was her reaction. — pic.twitter.com/n1EyHwXM56

— Pop Crave (@PopCrave) May 25, 2016

  Adele Bring Out Her Inner Spice Girl

In Amsterdam, Adele brought some serious girl power nostalgia to the stage with a Spice Girls impression, breaking into a brief “Spice Up Your Life” song and dance moment. To the venue’s cheers, she replied, the venue filled with claps and chants of “let’s go” as fans cheered. “Oh stop it I’m not a Spice Girl,” Adele exclaimed in a fan-shot video before she began dancing. 

Adele having a Spice Girls moment. #AdeleLive2016 pic.twitter.com/iTrWtR7tRc

— AdeleNow (@AdeleNowuk) June 3, 2016

  Adele Pays Tribute to Brussels With ‘Make You Feel My Love’ at London Concert

Adele honored those affected by the March terrorist attacks in Brussels by dedicating a song during her set at London’s O2 arena to Belgium’s capital city. “This is ‘Make You Feel My Love’ and this is for Brussels tonight, I want you to all sing it with me alright so they hear us,” she said before starting into the ballad. 

Afterwards, to the audience’s applause, she said, “I don’t think I’ve ever actually been so moved before in my life at one of my shows, that was just so beautiful. Thank you very much for doing that … I think they heard us.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhw8rfrYgmA

This article originally appeared on: Billboard

http://tunecollective.com/2017/03/15/adeles-11-best-tour-moments-twerking-stand-comedy-spice-girls-covers/

[grizzlefur]

WWEm - Barely Decent Cena vs Magnanimiz

Transmission date: Monday 27/Tuesday 28

. I desperately need something to get the Fresh Prince theme out of my head, so let's watch some FRIDAY AFTERNOON RAW! .

we're in Green Bay, WI this week .

(go packers) .

and opening with goldberg, for some reason .

who they show doing his whole intro trek through backstage, but that just makes it look like he's late for the show .

should be running along with a sandwich hanging out of his mouth .

bill goldberg, late for anime wrestling school .

well this is the slowest opening of a show ever .

like, even last episode's three hours of recaps were at least video of something interesting happening .

this is just a middle-aged man walking through corridors and high-fiving fans .

while the audience chant his name like a death march .

and now he gets to do a promo on kevin .

goldberg apparently objects to talking .

and yet is doing so himself .

christ, i've just thought .

what if this is all a vehicle for him taking the title off kevin, then dropping it to brock at mania? .

fuck that shit .

but i could totally see wwe doing it .

anyway, goldberg has promised death to kevin .

and here he is .

still rocking the tie of evil .

opens his counter-promo with "Hey Bill, you're in a good mool...modle...moodleood...mood." .

ladies and gentlemen, learned english in his teens .

kevin is here listing all his accomplishments and the people he's beat .

at least i think that's what he's saying, is just hard to say because of more FUCKING DRILLING next door .

seriously, how have they not run out of wall yet .

shut the fuck up .

goldberg is pissed and wants to fight now .

kevin doesn't give a shit .

challenges him to a street fight, fires up the crowd, then remembers he's in green bay and is just like these guys don't deserve me fuck it and walks back .

god, i love this man .

kevin is promising to kill the goldberg chant on sunday .

that'll be an achievement .

given that it's survived several years without goldberg so well .

but next, we have the new day .

brief shot of them backstage bewildering runners .

and now we have them in the arena, pouring cereal over children .

somehow this has become the new normal .

they've got a new ice cream shirt .

because of course .

kofi is leading ice cream chants like a revivalist preacher .

big e does a cheesy line about the shining stars, immediately clarifies that he didn't write it .

and now here come the latino stereotypes themselves .

an official has just given xavier an envelope .

the shining stars actually have a match later .

so yeah, it's an oscars joke .

they're actually facing rusev and jinder .

as ever .

the shining stars will be fighting the big show later .

rusev's lost the mask, but is still going with handsome rusev .

having apparently got over that horrendous facial trauma in the course of a week .

big e and xavier in for the new day, which is weird .

big e splashes jinder on the apron, casually bounces off to land on his feet on the floor .

nice little move .

lana's back to the suit jacket and bustier combination .

handsome and hardbody are just beating the piss out of xavier .

which means new day are going to win .

also the fact that the other team are rusev and jinder .

anyone remember when rusev was an undefeated main-eventer? .

i mean, that angle also gave us a ridiculous amount of uncomfortable jingoism, but at least rusev got to win things .

xavier hits a huge top rope crossbody on jinder across two thirds of the ring .

it's a shame he doesn't fight more .

kofi and lana have an argument about blueprint hacking, xavier pins jinder while everyone's distracted .

new day win, tension sown between rusev and mahal .

they're going to announce another hof member to night .

bet i know who it is .

largely because this happened four days ago and i have facebook .

recap video of enzo and cass beating cesaro and sheamus .

travesty .

and now enzo and cass are in the locker room .

enzo is ranting about how the championship will help him get girls and he will never take it off

.

cass is like dude slow down they've won tag titles everywhere and we've won them precisely nowhere .

enzo has not slowed down much .

cut to cesaro and sheamus .

sheamus is annoyed, cesaro is trying to calm his bro down .

but here is samoa joe .

i forgot him and cesaro are old friends .

frantically antagonise each other, joe walks off .

and cut to steph terrorising a runner .

and here is mick .

in a white suit .

the fuck .

well, pale .

steph wants to apologise to him .

apparently it's the 17th anniversary of hhh ending his career .

and steph is disappointed with the fallen glory of mick foley she's hired .

she's like dude what happened to you when did you get old and shit .

she's apologising for giving him this job at all .

walks off, mick stares into the camera for a while, cut to ads .

that was weird .

but fuck that shit, now we have akira tozawa .

BLAHHHHHH BLAH BLAH BADALAH .

still think that sounds like a gorillaz hook .

brian gets a featureless void promo about his lessons for tozawa .

can't help but feel like we might get lesson 3 tonight .

but also, we have noam dar and his delightful ayrshireness .

apparently we're getting swann and tozawa v dar and kendrick at the fastlane kickoff .

for whatever reason .

but hey, sounds like a fun match .

tozawa immediately opens with kicking the shit out of noam .

man's got rage .

and in his sage words .

HA .

distraction by alicia lets noam push akira off the turnbuckle .

does his fingerlock armbreaker, and now i'm just like 'meh, you're no pete dunne' .

beautiful suicida, as ever .

noam gets some retaliation, then snap german for the pin .

kendrick attacks tozawa from behind, which was TOTALLY UNEXPECTED .

throws him into a ring post, then goes and gets a mic .

lesson #3: .

be on your guard at all times, because any of your friends could turn out to be a douchebag pirate .

up next, women's tag match .

but first, mick has an existential crisis backstage .

and joe is here to be like hey dude what's your problem .

mick basically just takes all the things steph said about him and says them about joe .

and gives him a match with cesaro .

looking forward to that .

and mick seems to have gone a bit more hard-edged since the steph segment .

but now we have dana and charlotte .

charlotte no longer has the belt, so her holding her robe open just looks a bit LOOK AT MY CROTCH .

charlotte can't get over bayley not giving her the belt back .

and is trying to spin this as bayley showing her true colours .

*forced oscar reference counter dings* .

and because bayley is the audience surrogate, if she's actually awful, we must all be awful .

apparently bayley is a one-hit wonder .

and now she's listing one hit wonders and green bay sports icons .

has she got cass's script by mistake .

although it doesn't sound like she's even heard of american football before .

bayley has tired of this speech, hit her music .

corey is still ripping on bayley while she does her entrance, which is an endless fount of joy .

acting chops there .

bayley does a speech which basically boils down to haha fuck you i'm the champ .

points at the siiiiiiign .

charlotte gets the number of days to mania wrong, even though they keep saying it .

promises to beat bayley at fastlane in fornt of her dad, now here's sasha .

like hun, not everyone has your daddy issues .

charlotte gets a speech, bayley gets a speech, sasha gets a speech, dana stands there like hi i'm a wrestler too .

sasha gives up mid-promo like fuck it, we have a match .

charlotte is like yeah, but this one isn't my partner .

enter nia .

dana seems unimpressed with this turn of events .

as soon as nia and bayley are in together, i'm just sat here remembering how good takeover brooklyn was .

whereas this match is kind of sloppy .

on the upside, bayley did ten punches in the corner and the crowd actually remembered there were numbers below ten .

dana grabs bayley's leg, the ref just shouts at her instead o going for the dq .

but she takes a bayley to belly on the floor, so *shrug*

.

immediately whisked away by officials, apparently to get treatment for a rib injury

.

so effective participation there .

apparently charlotte is the only thing corey believes in .

strange choice of cult, but i'll allow it .

bayley gets the guillotine choke on nia, huge pop from the crowd, who apparently also remember takeover brooklyn .

and nia hits bayley with sasha, then leg drop for the pin .

odd choice of ending .

oh, apparently seth's interview's going to be in-ring, rather than featureless void .

but now we're backstage, with mick apologising to braun that he doesn't have a match for him tonight .

but braun wants a contract signing for his match at fastlane instead .

odd choices all round .

"It looks like Braun and Roman might be in the same ring tonight, live on Raw!" .

well yeah cole, that happens approximately every week .

but now we have cass/gallows, in a match i'm finding it hard to give a shit about .

surprisingly, it turns out there's only one word to describe gallows and anderson .

along with everybody else .

do enzo and cass actually only know one adjective? .

the match is underway, and i don't think enzo's taken a breath yet .

just a constant stream of noise and unfocused motion, like an otter who's done a bad batch of pcp .

anderson tries to cause a distraction, gets whipped into the stairs for his trouble .

while gallows takes a big boot for the pin .

gj, champions .

we've won titles all over the world, but can be effortlessly manhandled by a little Italian-American shitweasel .

hype section for fastlane, in which corey tries to convince us that

.

reigns/strowman is a match of the same stature as owens/goldberg .

which seems super disingenuous compared with the rest of their hype .

but yeah, later we have that contract signing .

lucky us .

but now we have titus/sheamus? .

and here, have a facebook live video that explains it .

in which titus badmouths sheamus's best bro and offers him a tag team opportunity .

in which titus tries to pass himself off as irish .

this is a sheamus solo match, so we once again get to see his intro in all its seraphic glory

.

.

thanks for the nameplate, or i'd be concerned i was witness to the second coming .

sheamus tries to get in the ring, gets kicked in the face .

and beaten into the apron a bunch .

let's deperately try and cement sheamus as a face by having him coldcocked by a massive twat .

and then brogue kick for the pin .

that was literally his first move .

huh .

and the crowd cheer, so clearly it's working .

he's still kind of a dick, but so are most of the babyfaces on this show .

later, cesaro fights joe, giving me hope that this is all leading in to a joe/titus team .

(disclaimer: i do not want this to happen) .

but next, corey interviews seth .

after this video about how great mania is going to be you guys you should totally get the network .

first, corey has a piece on mic to introduce recap videos of what's been going on with seth and hunter .

including the shot of his knee exploding .

why do we need to keep seeing this .

yeesh .

wow, that was a long video .

but we're back .

seth comes in using one crutch, and as a person with one good leg, i can assure you he's using it quite wrongly .

seth promises to be back "soon" .

so who really knows .

at least he acknowledges that, and says it'll be what it is .

seth is starting to ask whether he deserves this .

nuuuu .

let's all give him a hug .

and he's questioning whether it's worth it that he sacrificed evertyhing for his career when this happens .

fuck off with your cm punk chants, green bay .

some serious soul-searching going on here .

corey asks seth if he'll be at mania, seth has an emotional moment .

it's a 'probably not' .

oh, and here comes triple h .

fuck off, hunter .

looking somewhat more jovial than the situation would suggest .

points behind seth to where samoa joe is suddenly lurking .

hunter dictates that seth won't be at mania, and confirms that yes, he does deserve this .

this whole speech is basically 'yes, you entered into a faustian deal, and yes, i am the devil, but you kind of knew all this going in' .

wow, i'd kind of forgotten what douchebag hunter was like .

i'm so used to nxt wrestling dad hunter .

can we all stop using 'man up' already .

hunter promises that if seth pulls the same shit at mania as he did at takeover, he's firing and/or murdering him .

seth reminds hunter of the whole 'nothing left to lose' thing, and swears to be at mania, and if hunter kills him, he'll kill him right back

.

this angle is getting interesting .

shockingly, joe walks out with hunter and doesn't blindside seth .

yet another hype for the brauman contract signing .

because apparently we should be excited about this .

and here comes the shining stars again, now that they actually have a match .

i say 'match', it's more 'opportunity for us to try and make the big show credible again' .

primo opens the match by giving show a brochure .

goes about as well as you'd expect .

show just has this constant 'the fuck are these guys' look .

which seems fair, tbh .

epico tries to crossbody show, just gets caught with a fist to the face

magic fist to epico, chokeslam to primo for the pin

(shining stars may actually be the other way round. WWEm takes no responsibility for mixing up utterly interchangeable and unremarkable superstars.)

but now let's have a segment where wrestlers tell us about mlk

i can't help but feel it might be a better idea to just play an mlk speech

that way, a social justice icon isn't being endorsed to the world by r-fucking-truth

but now, neville talks to tony nese in the locker room

apparently they're tagging against tjp and gallagher

neville gets a whole speech about how this match is about putting those two in their place

nese looks at his weird biceps throughout, then is just like yeah cool whatever

.

dude i'm in this for myself and don't really respect your rulership .

but before that match, let's have that video package about austin coming back again .

which should be good, but it will presumably mean losing him off commentary, where he has been an absolute joy .

jack and tj come in together to jack's intro .

nothing has ever fit less with tjp and his purple puffa jacket .

neville and nese come in together, which largely serves to emphasise how they're basically wearing the same fucking gear .

corey makes an exceptionally niche masters of the universe reference .

apparently neville's doing a 'state of 205 live address' .

on 205, that is, not now .

now, he's kicking tjp's face off .

which is a shame, it's his best feature .

detonation kick and corner dropkick to nese, leading into an incredibly strange double armbar/repeated kicks to the head combination .

nese taps, while neville just stands there watching like yeah cool do what you like .

hof announcement, finally .

and it's beth phoenix .

as you'll know if you, like me, are like a week in the future .

but next, it's cesaro/joe .

aka 'totally the main event don't take any shit' .

but first, bayley and sasha commiserate backstage .

sasha promises to be ringside for her match at fastlane, steph turns up to be like oh hey sasha are you still trying to take care of poor lil bayley well don't worry you've got a match with nia on sunday .

thinking about it, are there really only five people in the raw women's division? .

cos i'm having trouble thinking of more .

sort it out, guys .

but now it's that indie technical legend match .

cesaro casually deadlift suplexes joe, because he's still a freak of nature .

and again .

cesaro goes for a sharpshooter, joe goes for the innovative counter of 'punching him in the face repeatedly' .

cesaro's injured his knee, so he's trying to punch the life back into it .

bold move .

it's not going well for him .

and joe hits a massive uranage for the pin .

that was good, but mostly just serving cesaro being injured .

really hoping this leads into a feud, because these two are both amazing when they've got the stage for it .

charly catches joe for an interview on the ramp, asks how he made such an impact so quickly .

and joe's just like I CAME HERE TO HURT PEOPLE FUCK EVERYBODY .

sami's music interrupts his speech about how he's gjoing to kill anyone and everyone, then sami flies in from stage right to attack him .

oh, so that's the feud we're going for .

welp, can't complain .

sami gets lots of offence, security pull him off leading to joe coldcocking him .

and sami hits a beautiful tope off the stage to continue the brawl .

so now they've got half a dozen security guys holding them back and forcing them out of the room so we can clear the arena for this exciting contract signing .

network shill segment, during which cole manages to claim it's the 30th anniversary of the network .

either i fell asleep again and it's 2044, or this is untrue .

here's mick, with a table, upon which is a clipboard, upon which is a contract containing about five words in 340-point font .

does a little legalese speech, only

.

fBRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGHHHHHH

.

braun stomps in, fluffs his line, tells mick to fuck away off .

mick's like hey i know i'm gonna lose this job soon, but i've still got it, so respect plz .

so braun calls him a "broken-down suburban dad" .

mick finally loses it and is like FUCK YOU I'M A LEGEND .

why is this angle just the ongoing breakdown of mick foley .

braun knocks mick's mic away, is handily interrupted by roman's entrance .

braun intercepts him, whips him *over* the ring steps .

which was quite impressive .

guys, wait for the contract to actually be signed before brawling through the arena .

braun adjourns to the tech area, where he can return to his ongoing endeavour of trying to punch out all of roman's blood .

just be careful, because while it would be super hardcore to slam someone

.

through the tech keeping this show on the air, we do need to have a show .

roman spears braun through the barricade into the timekeeper's area, flattening some poor due in a shinsuke tshirt .

braun stays down, roman stalks back to the paperwork area .

spoke to soon, he's back .

this is giving roman so much face heat people are actually chanting for him .

braun whips him into the turnbuckle so hard he pops the top rope out with his face .

been a while since we've seen some ring damage going on on raw .

braun struts up the ramp like hey guys i killed a man .

roman pulls himself up just enough to sign the paper .

braun's face is just like oh cool i get to kill you a second time that doesn't usually happen .

and we fade on roman leaning against the contract table checking all his organs are still there .

of course, i guess we all take on faith that our organs are still where they're meant to be .

would we necessarily notice if they moved? .

brb, gonna go check my organs .

play a calming interlude, daniel

.

------------

i said 'calming', not 'noisecore'

.

you've got some interesting taste .

anyway, at least 70% of my organs are present and correct, so i'mma call that one a win and roll on to SATURDAY NIGHT SMACKDOWN! .

(yeah, it's saturday night now) .

(deal with it) .

so yes, back into the increasingly strange rabbit hole that is smackdown .

we open on shane and bryan rewatching the debacular ending of that battle royal .

and claiming that you really can't see who went first .

but in a kind of self-aware way .

aj turns up like hey, i know i won, so you can just give me it if you want .

riffs on luke harper, who is totally right behind him .

shockingly lets him leave without bloodshed, then thanks bryan and shane and leaves .

with the two of them like ummmm the fuck just happened .

and titles .

wait, how long has ellsworth been in there? .

but in the arena now, and here comes mike the movie star .

how many clunky oscars references are on their way right now .

I'm going with 'a lot' .

it's miztv, so him and maryse are in human formalwear .

oh right, this is off the back of miz eliminating cena last time .

so he's the guest tonight .

*oscar reference ding* .

cena winds up to talk, miz orders his mic cut .

because this is his talk show goddammit .

and launches straight into a dazzling tirade of invective at cena for everything he's done to him over the last decade .

apparently cena is only where he is because of connections and manipulation .

miz has all but accused him of sleeping with management .

waxes lyrical about the time he beat cena at mania, because people do tend to forget that happened .

brings up cena taking it to the rock for leaving wrestling to go to hollywood and then doing the same thing .

which is fair .

oh wow, they've actually managed to get you sold out chants for cena .

"You're not Super Cena any more! You're barely Decent Cena!" .

lines like this are why we keep miz around .

but yeah, i can't really argue with miz angling himself as the guy who's been working hard in the company every day while being enormously underappreciated

.

come on mike, i just agreed with you, then you had to go and call ric flair the greatest of all time .

magnanimiz has given cena a mic .

and he is just like dude how was this special people give me this shit every week .

and also hey if i was running this shit behind the scenes i wouldn't be in here with you .

ohhhhhhhhhh burn unit .

apparently you can't fake heart .

which, frankly, gives me a little more confidence in that organ check .

cena accuses miz of stealing jericho's personality when he debuted .

which is p much true .

i do enjoy industry-aware cena .

calls miz 'a dude dressed up as a dude playing another dude' .

oh hey gender-essentialist cena .

feel free to stop doing that .

okay, that wasn't as fiery as some of his promos can be, but smark cena is fun .

and now maryse gets to take it to john, which is weird .

this is the most she's talked in months .

and it's not for the good .

calls john a "control egomaniac freak", does the small penis joke, slaps him .

and he's just like yeeeeeeah bad idea .

enter nikki bella .

miz and maryse vanish, nikki and cena make out in ring .

this gets applause, despite it being the same as miz and maryse .

but hey, wrestling .

in any case, later we have harper/styles, and also bray delivering an invocation .

whatever the fuck that means .

but now it's lynch/james 2 out of 3 .

after a quote from oprah winfrey and one sentence from otunga .

looks like that's all the black history month we're getting today .

this is a weirdly long mat-based chain wrestling phase .

and as soon as i say that, becky baseball slides mickie into the barricade .

welp .

this is another one of their ongoing kick vs. lariat matches .

hey, if you do something well... .

and mickie hits a mickiedt for the first pin .

i've said it before, but you've got to respect someone who can make a flapjack a good move .

mickie goes to the top rope, becky dodges and steals a rollup for the second fall .

and here's alexa, distracting the ref while becky dodges a mick kick and gets a pin .

bullfights mickie into alexa, disarmher for the win .

well, that was...short .

like, 2 out of 3 feels a little pointless when it's no longer than a normal match .

but now, harper in the lightbulb room .

doing a whole speech .

apparently he has fought his demons into submission and they've given him .

new eyes to see the truth .

is this fucking deathnote .

wyatt cut, and bray's in his smoke room .

apparently randy is his blood .

and he's going to turn mania into his dark god-kingdom .

i'd watch it .

and now, dasha interviews alexa backstage about how that last match went wrong .

alexa kicks off with a questionable oscars reference, but saves it .

you'll interview me on my fucking terms goddammit .

she's now doing a whole tearful acceptance speech for the belt .

natalya turns up slowclapping, sends dasha away .

and goes on to congratulate both alexa and herself .

and angle for the belt .

in a weird way .

boops alexa's nose and walks off .

so that happened .

and now, renee interviews aj, who is steadfastly denying that his feet went down first and spinning a whole conspiracy theory .

and there he goes .

oh shit, harper/styles is now? .

i assumed this'd be our main event .

what are they going to put on after it? .

who knows .

smackdown is edited by an epileptic gibbon at the best of times .

closeups of wood v they don't want none .

too close to call .

oh, apparently what we have after this is a crews/ziggler chairs match .

... .

i have no words here .

well, i had 'epileptic gibbon', but i clearly fired that shot too soon .

harper opens by throwing aj around the ring, then putting him on the turnbuckle and walking away .

and follows up with the unexpected dropkick they clearly taught him and braun at the wyatt academy .

thus far, harper is just miles ahead of aj .

which is not a thing i ever saw myself saying .

aj drops out of the ring, then as harper follows, kicks his leg out on the apron, then does a full-on pele kick to his head

.

lovely sequence there .

i am hearing deafening duelling chants for aj styles and luke harper .

when did i slip into this alternate universe, and can i stay .

rolling senton over the ropes followed by kicking aj in the face .

i've been saying it for years, but the man has the most diverse and impressive moveset in the company .

case in point, tope suicida that didn't land neck-first .

just realised his signature powerbomb has the same setup as the styles clash .

aj counters into a phenomenal blitz, harper is just like ummmmm no and hits an enormous dragon suplex, because fuck you i know all the moves i'm luke harper .

and then after the ad break, that powerbomb actually hits and ow .

aj hits a phenomenal forearm from nowhere, gets a pin because the ref didn't see luke's foot on the ropes .

aj's music hits, then gives way to shane's .

they don't want THE MONEYYYYYYY .

but yeah, shane is restarting the match because it's for a mania main event and fuck that finish .

aj goes out to shout at shane, then dodges a kick so harper kicks shane in the face like a train .

because it wouldn't be the same if shane didn't take a bump .

and then aj hits a springboard 450 for the pin .

so that stoppage changed so much .

but there's still a lot of room for further screwery .

so yeah, aj's walking off with the win but nobody's entirely sure what's going on .

tom tells us there's no better time to sign up for the network, and then tells us to sign up after thursday to get mania .

MAKE YOUR MIND UP, MAN .

and now renee interviews john and nikki .

or tries to, but here come carmella and ellsworth .

carmella gets james to talk smack at nikki, cena's just like um hey guys can i interject .

so now john and nikki are calling this a mixed tag match next week .

okay, apparently dean has a match now? .

i have no fucking clue what's going on on this show .

Smackdown LIVE: Wrestling, but if you'd just done a bunch of meth .

but actually now, we have a thing about beth phoenix and bryan congratulating aj backstage .

but he walks off because he wants to attend bray's invocation in person .

dude, it's fine, we've got another couple matches before then .

or not .

dean walks in, hits dirty deeds on curt hawkins (who is apparently there) and gets on the mic .

so yeah, he's got a bunch of venting to do about everyone's favourite personality-free biker tool although, to be fair, that description could be about an allen key

.

i mean baron, is my point .

dean wants a fight now, cue baron appearing on the tron from his lurking alleyway to tell dean he is not the demon that comes when its name is called .

thank fuck, he's lost the shit-tash .

does a formulaic speech about how he's going to fuck dean up, dean's just like yeah dude whatever we'll finish this later .

so that advanced matters .

thanks, guys .

but yes, now we have the other match nobody knew was a thing .

after a promo by neville about why we should all hate jack gallagher .

(btw watch 205) .

chairs are arranged around the ring more or less at random .

it's very artistic .

tom tells us that steels chairs are legal in this match .

which rather puts paid to my image of apollo crews beating dolph down with a wing-backed leather armchair .

although he does blindside dolph on the way to the ring .

there's one whirlwind reaped .

drags him into the ring, ref says fuck it and rings the bell .

dolph's still wearing his horrible pink entrance shirt to fight in, which is weird .

although it does hide a small fraction of his godawful silver stars and stripes tights, so small mercies .

crews does the thing where you put a chair on top of someone and then moonsault them, and i'm always kind of at a loss as to how that would make it worse .

but yeah, physics != wrestling .

crews unfolds a chair mid-ring, then ends up getting dropped into it throat-first .

when will a wrestler build a thing and not have it be their undoing .

i thought that was meant to be mad scientists .

and then dolph atomic drops crews crotch-first onto the chair for the pin .

...yeah, don't do that .

and again, how is that not logically a dq .

like, the chair's legal but the low blow isn't .

but hey, whatever

.

wrestling .

dolph shouts at him some more, then flounces off .

jbl reiterates that there's no better time to subscribe, but you should wait until thursday .

to be fair, thursday was two days ago .

so clearly he is talking to me through time .

or maybe the writing is bad .

but in any case, invocation time .

apparently talking smack will feature american alpha, who you may recognise .

were completely fucking absent from this show .

but here comes our dark lord, using his awesome and dreaded power to make tom's mic short out .

wait shit, that gave david otunga space to talk .

i take it back .

a+ evil .

bray opens like cool, it's aj, i don't give a shit, i could ritually murder either of them .

and aj will realise his weakness when faced by a deity .

and feel the spirit of beelzebub himself .

apparently randy's not here because he's in hell .

but hell has wifi, because here he is on the tron .

hell in this case is bray's barn .

and randy's wearing a shirt, which is fucking bizarre .

randy like here i am at the centre of your world WHICH ISN'T MINE IT WAS ALL A FAKEOUT OHHHHHHHHH .

so yeah, here's the reverse turn we've all been waiting for .

apparently the barn is special because it's where abigail (who is satan's sister) is buried .

and randy has a pickaxe .

well this got very attitude very fast .

we keep getting shots of the patch of worm-infested earth he's dug up .

randy's going to burn abigail and kill bray by doing so .

and this will somehow make bray his servant? .

is randy a necromancer? .

who knows .

randy stops the rocking chair, grabs a gas can and starts lighting that shit up .

or at least, dousing that shit .

randy is playing this remarkably straight, and it's working .

three cans of petrol later, leaves the barn and lights a match .

and boom goes the devilbarn .

apparently randy's sending abigail to eternal damnation .

which seems like it wouldn't bother satan's sister .

and we fade on bray rocking and crying as randy poses in front of his burning hell temple .

so...that happened? .

actual plot development holy shit .

and it is so nice to see the dark storylines actually gain some depth .

but yes, fastlane next, and that starts in 24 hours and 10 minutes .

i'm calling that a win .

right, off to desecrate and burn a church of a deity i disagree with .

...yeah, i'm pretty sure that's a bad thing .

(also, daniel has his lawyer hat on and would like me to clarify that i will not in fact do that)

.

(seriously, why does he even have that thing) .

(man has many jobs) .

(our hiring budget is as existent as he is)