#at my 30+ im trying to feel comfortable with this body... working to feel it worht of some hint of erothic thing

[phagodyke]

the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

[dwaekkicidal]

𝖪𝗂𝗇𝗄𝗍𝗈𝖻𝖾𝗋: 'Intense Desire' ༄࿔ L.F.

⤷ Sex Pills | Overstimulation | Squirting

♱ word count: 2.9k

♱ warnings: fem!reader, sex pills usage (felix accidentally taking them), mention of a handjob in a car, he gets “mean” for like a split second, unprotected p in v, rough sex, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, creampies, squirting, if u quint theres 1 sentence of angst at the end, i might be forgetting something

♱ notes: sorry this was delayed! I made it a little longer than the others in hopes that it would make up for the tardiness <3 also 1 the beginning might feel rushed (it was) and 2 sex pills dont completely work like this?? But its fiction so.. pls bare with me im so stressed out LMFAO

Kinktober Schedule

DO NOT republish or translate+post my work!

The pounding in Felix’s head was just enough to distract him from the colorful clothes around the two of you. The initially exciting shopping trip to the mall with your boyfriend had quickly slowed down thanks to the headache he developed out of the blue. Your comforting words and warm hands on his face only helped so much, and he felt horrible for his body refusing to let him enjoy your date.

It wasn’t until you reminded him of the medicines he had packed away in his bag that he let up on his pouting Then, with the familiar feeling of the plastic of a pill bottle on his fingers and a gentle reminder from you that this should be fun for the both of you, Felix finds himself leading you to the food court. He quickly buys a bottle of water and chugs down 3 pills. It’s over the dosage of 2 he normally would take, but he’s desperate to have a good time with you.

Not long after, he’s back to his normal self and the thumping pain in his head is long gone. Wide smiles and crescent eyes watch you pick out interesting clothes, some even meant to match with him. Everything is back to normal!

That is until 30 minutes after the fact when he’s patiently sitting outside of your changing room waiting for you to try on the next outfit. He starts to feel a new, less painful ache. One between his legs that he’s all too familiar with.

Literal lines of sweat are dripping down his forehead and his neck when you open the curtain to present the outfit you picked out. He forces a smile and has to tear his eyes away from the tight pants to give his opinion. A curt, breathy, “Beautiful.”

The sweat immediately catches your attention and obviously raises concerns from the way your eyebrows furrow. He notices right away and tries not to let it worry you, shooing you away and encouraging you to try on the last pieces of fabric that await you in the changing room.

The second the curtains close behind you he racks his brain for possible reasons as to why a sudden, strong feeling of horniness took over his body. It’s even to the point where his whole body tingles from the ceiling fans above him. The slow gusts of wind make his cock ache in his jeans and goosebumps litter his arms.

He doesn’t think he’s ever gotten this horny in his life. Even the time when you managed to rile him up to the point where he almost came in his jeans when you brushed past him he had never felt this way. He swore he could feel his veins burning as he looked through his bag for his phone, praying that Google would explain everything.

But he doesn’t get far enough to grab his phone, because the realization hits him like a tsunami wave. The pills. He realizes too late that he never checked which medicine he took. And sure enough, when he checked his bag, the tiny plastic bottle he had a hold on earlier wasn’t his Ibuprofen.

Instead, it was a blue pill bottle that he kept for special medicines that he would occasionally get prescribed. This time around, it was the brand new, not prescribed pills he had put to the side for… intimacy reasons.

It was embarrassing at first for him. A young, attractive man in his 20s struggling with his sex life. All thanks to the wear and tear from work stress: the unforgiving cycle of working too much and being overwhelmed, then taking a break and working too little just to fall behind.

You understood! It’s understandable to not be able to get hard when there’s a never ending dread that has made home in the back of your mind. And it was clearly obvious that he is attracted to you, every other time the two of you were intimate is enough evidence for that.

So you offered him an idea that might help! That idea being “horny” pills. It took some convincing and consistent reassurance for him to cave and agree. Which led to that little blue bottle of little red pills that made his not-so-little friend crave your attention.

“Lixie?” Your voice snaps him out of his daydreaming and his head snaps up to see your head poking out of the curtain. Your giggle goes straight to his dick and he has to force a smile to get through the ache. “I need your help with this dress. I can’t get the zipper up.”

You don’t need to ask twice, especially when the promise of getting to see your bare skin is on the table. He’s joining you in the blink of an eye, using his clammy, shaky hands to zip up the dress the rest of the way. Your body flushes at the way he licks his lips as he looks you up and down multiple times.

“Do you like it?” His eyes snap up to yours in the mirror and he nods. It’s pretty obvious to you what’s going on in his head at this point, minus the reason for it, so you rip the dress off and rush to the cashier as fast as you can.

Felix is on your tail the whole time. A hand on your hip and his chest pressed to your back as he shoves his credit card into the card reader. Then again when the two of you get to the car, this time both of his hands on your hips and his face shoved into your neck.

“Need you so fucking bad.” His hard-on is even more obvious now as he grinds it against your thigh, groaning and whining into your neck about how good it feels. You struggle to get the car keys out of his pocket when his hands are all over you, making you feel good when they aren’t even doing much.

“Felix… Not here.” The two of you drabbled in public sex before so it wasn’t a new experience for either of you. But it had been a while since the two of you were intimate so you really didn’t want it to be in the dirty car garage of a mall. In the middle of the day, mind you.

“I need something. Baby, please. I-I can’t do this.” The desperation in his voice is enough to make your neck whip around, almost knocking into his as you look back at him with confusion. He knows you all too well and the answer to your unspoken question is already on the tip of his tongue.

“I accidentally took those sex pills instead of pain meds.” He doesn’t bother explaining further; he doesn’t care anymore. The only thing that’s on his mind is getting you into the car so he can get some sort of stimulation on his poor, achy cock.

You're lucky to even have gotten his hands off of you after that, let alone getting him in the passenger seat and buckled in without him launching at you. However you’re even less lucky as you drive him home, one hand on the wheel and the other- well, on his dick.

You could hear the wetness of him jerking himself off before you saw it. He was keen to get your help though. His eyes were teary and his voice came out a distressed whine as he pleaded for you to help, complaining that his hand wasn’t comparable to how good your hand would feel.

The windows on your shared car are as tinted as legally possible, so you quickly cave and slide your hand toward him. Now 5 minutes away from the house, you quicken your hands in hopes that he’ll cum this soon. But luck isn’t on either of your sides today and the car’s already in park before he’s even close to cumming.

You don’t make it past the entryway before Felix is shoving you forward, pinning you to the wall, and pulling your bottoms to your knees. The sight of your panties all messy and your pussy lips equally as messy from your excitement is enough to make him feral.

“You’re so good to me, Honey. Always so obedient and keeping my pussy ready for me when I most need it. I’m going to give you the world and more.” He doesn’t wait for you to make a comment before he’s pushing your underwear to join your bottoms.

One hand rests on the wall by your face and the other pushes against your lower back, arching your back at the same time that he pushes his cock in. Your walls are warm and wet as they take every last inch of him in, almost as if two puzzle pieces were finally placed together.

Your eyes roll to the back of your head and he sucks on your neck, whispering incoherent mumbles until he’s bottomed out. He only stops then to take deep breaths and calm his own body down. Now that he’s finally inside of you, the effects of the pills feel a million times stronger.

He genuinely feels like a dog in heat, hips still rutting into yours even as his mind tells his body to relax. It doesn’t listen in the slightest and after a short pause his hips are finding a rigorous rhythm. 

Felix is a man possessed behind you; nails digging into your skin leaving bruises to come and hips moving with more force than you thought he could give. It’s hard to think he’s not possessed with his filthy mouth, something he’s always been good at but it hits differently when he’s rock hard inside of you and eager to feel every inch of your body all at once.

You start to feel like the pills are affecting you. Your own body reacts to his fervent movements with warm clenches and moans that spur him on. You feel so sensitive and your orgasm sneaks up on you, causing you to wiggle in his hold. The shuffle of your limbs makes him lose his angle and you both whine.

“No, no, no, no, no, no. Stop. You gotta stay arched, baby. Yeah, just like that. Ffuck…” The hand on your back pushes you forward, completely squishing you against the wall as he tries to arch you back to how you previously were. He knows that he did it right when you start to flutter around him again and your moans ascend a few pitches.

With the other hand using all of his fingers to rub your clit back and forth, he pushes you over the edge. You clench around him as you moan into the wall, your arms shaking as you try to hold yourself up against it. He growls against your ear and bites down on it as he continues fucking you through your high.

He doesn’t stop after you’re done. If anything it only encourages him, the ache in his veins telling him that he needs to keep going and make you feel even better. And so he does, with one hand still furiously rubbing your clit back and forth while the other now moves to your waist and holds up your slouching form.

It just squeezes you appreciatively, almost even possessively as he holds you in place when you start to flail. It doesn’t become mean until in the midst of your thrashing, you move yourself just slightly to the point where he loses his angle again. He pushes his hand roughly against you and arches your back himself again, this time with a disgruntled snap. 

“Stop fucking doing that.” He’s huffing into your ear as his hips pick up pace, going even faster than he was before. “Be good or else I’ll bend you over with nothing to lean on.” But it’s hard to control your body when painful pleasure is swimming through your body. Even more so when you feel another orgasm lurking.

“B-Baby, fuck! Give me a sec, you’re-” You cut yourself off with a shriek as the hand on your waist moves to tangle itself in your hair. It uses the grip to pull you back up to rest your back flat against his chest. His other hand finally falters at this point, instead of rubbing your clit it sinks into your thigh.

“I’m what, Honey. Tearing up your guts?” He laughs out a sound of agreement that turns into a guttural groan as his blinding thrusts finally let up. A few sharp thrusts and a series of moans fall from his lips as he empties himself out inside of you. It feels like gallons of his seed are filling your stomach, and the feeling of it leaking out onto your inner thighs is enough to make you believe that’s the case.

If he notices, he doesn’t say anything. He just stands there with his forehead against your shoulder and his arms wrapped around your torso, mind reeling as he comes down from such an intense high.

“Baby. You didn’t cum with me at the end, did you?” He’s more upset that he faltered that badly, but the twitch of his cock lets you both know that he’s not close to being done regardless. The question is a real testament to your faith. Lie to him and maybe bribe him to let you take a break, or tell the truth and deal with the consequences. Though, it doesn’t seem like he was asking.

He pulls out and moves his hand to the small of your back. Neither of you even spared a glance at your bottoms as you’re dragged to the living room and shoved into the couch. It knocks the breath from your lungs momentarily, and it’s all the time he needs to bend you to his will. Your shoulders sink into the bottom cushions and your legs are hovering just above you as he shoves his cock inside of you again. 

The breath is almost knocked from you again as he finds a new, rougher pace to follow. This one isn’t nearly as fast but the new angle, thanks to your ankles being by his ears, sends him right where he wants to be. His previous load froths along his length as he fucks into you like your lives are on the line. 

Your hands find home on his biceps and your nails leave deep crescent shapes along his skin as you desperately try to find something to ground yourself with. The new vigor he fucks you with makes it so that your next orgasm builds up within a minute or two. The feral stare from his lidded eyes only makes your stomach squeeze as you realize that he really has no plans to stop, even if he really wants to. 

“Felix, baby, s-slow down. It feels w-weird.” You push against his stomach in hopes that it will slow him down, but it doesn’t. He stays quiet and only responds by grabbing your wrist and shoving it into the cushion by your head; a wordless command for ‘Hands off.’ You look up just in time to see his gaze grow more intense.

He even leans forward, both of his hands moving to your thighs to fold them into your chest. His hips pick up speed once he has you folded to his liking and you find that strange feeling growing stronger. You get a glimpse of him licking his pink lips that then perk up into a menacing smile and then the feeling grows too strong, forcing your eyes closed and your legs to combat his hold.

Your body can only shake as you gush around him and he curses under his breath at the sight. Your cunt spams around him and you squirt through his merciless fucking. The wet, squelching noises combat the volume of your cries to the point where he periodically goes out of his way to thrust into you even rougher just to hear it more.

“You hear her talking to me? Fucking shit- She really liked that, huh baby?” He laughs in disbelief and slams into you repeatedly, chasing his own sudden orgasm from watching you cum so intensely.

“That was so fucking hot, Baby.” The whine in his voice doesn’t match the cocky look on his face, but you can’t be bothered to comment about it as he finishes inside of you all of a sudden. Your sensitive walls constrict around him yet again and he cums deep inside, riding his own orgasm out to the sound of your overwhelmed sobs.

His chest heaves as he catches his breath and he takes the moment to glance at a clock on the wall. It’s been a few hours since he took the pills so they should be going down soon. He can already feel his brain going back to normal, and his thoughts are clearing up as the two of you sit there unmoving.

“You… Are you ok, Honey?” Your sniffles are enough to make his heart drop into his ass, but when you look up at him the anxiety leaves his body. You smile at him through the tears and laugh as best as you can while still breathless.

“Holy shit, Felix.” He matches your chuckle and leans forward, slotting your legs on either side of his waist as he repeatedly pushes his lips against your cheek. “I’m… great. But you owe me for fucking me within an inch of my life like that with no warning.”

Taglists: (red=can't be tagged)

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@felixsangelicfreckles

[mntalbrakdown]

doin’ time - C. Fisher

masterlist!

mentions of: cussing, makeouts, smut… 18+ MDNI. fem receiving (fingering), cum play, piv unprotected (wrap b4 u tap)

synopsis: at the empty house party you play a quick game of cat and mouse with conrad

wc: 3.5k

a/n: i haven’t proofread this yet

gif from @thatonekimgirl

the purple pink and blue strobe lights that Conrad, Belly, and Jeremiah bought at Paty City made you look like you were glowing. the party was 70's theme and you were dressed in a lime green mini dress with gogo boots, you teased your hair to have a bump paired with a white headband. you had a graphic black liner and you felt beautiful. you were with Cam at the dj booth. you and Cam have always been close, you guys were touchy, but you never liked him, nor did he to you. in fact he told you about his feelings for Skye which you applauded to because you wanted him to be happy.

"can you guys play" Jumper the one who allowed Belly to buy the liquor started his sentence. which was cut off when Skye pointed at the "fuck the requests" sign they made

"sorry the sign speaks" you say sitting next to Cam at a random table

"but" Jumper continues

"respect the playlist" Cam cuts Jumper off with that he walks away from his attempt

"Steven curated this playlist with great intent" Skye says making it sound like a great medicine that could cure all diseases

"to make boys get bitches" you say jokingly which was true you saw four guys within 30 minutes pull a girl upstairs

"rest in peace to their backs" Cam jokes since there were no beds in the house to have sex comfortably with

"so how are you and Conrad" Skye asks you

"what do you mean" it was out of the blue, you didn't know what they were talking about

"y/n you can't be that clueless" Cam pokes at you making you squirm

"i seriously don't know what your guys' game is right now" you say searching their eyes

"he so very obviously likes you" Skye says

"you have some nerve Skye" you say mocking them since they are also in a similar situation with Cam

"what does that mean" Cam asks

"nothing" Skye and you say in unison

"all im saying is that man is smitten with you" Skye says making Cam nod his head in agreement

"yeah right since when" you say taking a sip from your coke

"since you and I got close last summer, he got really stiff and would clench his jaw when we would hold each others hand or even when i had my hand around your waist, his whole mood would switch" Cam says pointing all the times Conrad has been tense

"all those times Belly would walk into the room" you rebuttal Cam’s so very wrong analysis.

"ehhh wrong" both Cam and Skye said in the same time making you laugh at how alike they are

"i've ran tests and experiments, that man always sits next to you and looks for your vote in a decision," Skye says

"fuck you both" you say flipping them off

"time and place" Cam says at lightning speed

"i don't want to get scoliosis" you mock the previous joke you said before

"don't think that's how it works" Skye retorts but nonetheless they laughed as well

"hey y/n let's get a picture" Steven says pulling you away from the two others as Conrad was hiding behind him

"yeah sure" you say hopping off the table saying you'll be right back to the others

as you were following the two boys through the groups of sweaty highlighter bodies you were almost lost and by each step the gap between you and Conrad grew bigger. he looked right behind and saw what was happening. he extended his hand out so the gap would close and you grabbed on. you walked until you were at the bottoms steps of the staircase. surprisingly there was nobody there

"ok stand right there" Steven says as he was looking through the polaroid lens

"did you set this up" you whisper in Conrad's ears as you tiptoe

"no" he says flustered

"he's lying" Steven says making you shocked by his good hearing

"good" you say as you smile wide for the camera as you try your hardest to give Conrad bunny ears. you wait for the flash but Steven takes his time. you could feel Conrad's eyes on you. as well as his arm snake around your waist. were they right? did Conrad really like you? as you get out of your own head you finally get the bright white flash from the camera making this go by faster

"let me see" Conrad says as if he was out of his spell and going over to Steven to see the photo, but the thing about Polaroids is that you have to wait a moment to see the photo develop

"stay with me" Conrad says grabbing you by the waist to take you to the bottom of the stairs and sit

"ok" it wasn't like he asked you to stay it was a demand and you weren't mad about it

"I'm going to find Taylor" Steven says as he walks away

"wear a condom" you scream

"fuck off" Steven screams back

"so how are you and Cam" Conrad asks through gritted teeth

"he's good, going to see if Skye already asks him out" you say trying to slide the fact that you and Cam aren't dating

"oh, I thought you two were a thing" Conrad says trying his hardest to bite back his smile

"no, we're just really close" you say meeting his blue eyes that were now dark with a glint in his eye

"cool" he says not knowing what else to say

"cooool" you say not knowing how to carry the conversation

"yeah" was the only thing muttered from Conrad

"why cool" you say trying to see his thought process

"cool in the fact i spent all of last summer wasting my time with Nicole, no offense to her she's cool, just wanted to talk to you" he says searching your eyes to see if he struck a nerve

"you're cute, dumb and oblivious, but cute" you say as your hand goes to his hair and push it to his ear, making him almost pur to your touch

"i'm the oblivious one" he says in a confused and questionable way

"yes, I'm the one talking to you" you say in the same tone

"you clearly never looked my way" he says pointing at your chest

"bullshit" you say leaning against the railing

"everyone else picked up on it" Conrad says

"ok fine, i was the oblivious one" you say surrounding "give me the photo" you say as enough time has passed so it would be devloped

"what would you give me if i do" Conrad whispered lustfully which caught you off guard

"pfft nothing" you says as you extend your arm to get the photo from his other side

"than no" he says grabbing the photo and extending his arm backwards so you couldn't reach it

"fuck your long arms" you say climbing over his lap and trying to grab the photo which made your boobs hit his face making him kiss them "oh shit my bad" you say retracting back to your previous seat

"no" Conrad says wrapping his arms around your waist to keep you on his lap

"oh" you say as you see Conrad lean in for a kiss and you go in, letting all your muscles relax and allow you to really enjoy this kiss, both your hands on each side of Conrad's face as his are trained on your waist and tangled in your hair

"i really like you" he says pulling away from the kiss to look up at your face seeing how swollen your lips have already gotten

"good, because i like you too" you say smiling at the fact some of your pink lipgloss got on his lips "let me see the photo" you says looking deep into Conrad's eyes as he hands the photo to you

it was you the highest you could possibly go on your tiptoes to give Conrad the bunny ears, but even than you could barely see your fingers. your face was looking straight at the camera with the most derpiest smile you could plaster on. he on the other hand was looking deep into you, he wanted to savor the moment of how you looked while someone takes a picture of you, no one ever does that, their main priority was to look at the lens. and even now as you look deep into the photo and analyze it. Conrad is looking at you seeing how you take something as small as a picture and critique it

"why are you looking at me in this" you say flipping the photo to him

"i don't know" he says, but he was obvlously lying, you could tell he was lying when he says those three words

"you're a liar" you say as you go in for a quick kiss which makes Conrad excited, but you quickly pull away

"booo" he says like a seven year

"not until you tell me the truth" you say looking deep into his eyes as he eyes your lips to make sure he catches everything over the loud music and also because he wants to continue kissing you

"i never get to be that close to you and i really liked you and thought you were dating Cam so I had to take advantage of my time with you" he blurts everything out ready to kiss you again

"awe" you say clapping both of your hands to your face making Conrad pull you into a kiss by grabbing you by the back of your head

"get a fucking room" Jeremiah says to the both of you

"we'll take yours asshole" Conrad says jokingly

"ewww gross" he says walking down the hall

"do you want to" Conrad says trying not to push anything, but he did really want you, but he wouldn't say anything because he didn't want to sway your vote

"umm sure" you say putting a piece of hair behind your ear

“here follow me” Conrad says as he carrie’s you off his lap so you could stand and than he got up.

he grabbed your hand in his and led you up the stairs. you were close with Belly so you knew enough about the house layout. but it was all empty now so it felt odd and anything but a home. it was just a house now. his room was empty. you tried to picture having a good comfortable time but you couldn’t. he could see the expression all written on your face.

“we could use a floaty” he says scratching the back of his head

“and pop it” you laugh thinking of the idea of doing it only to pop it in the middle of it

“i want it to be nice” he says trying not to have just a hookup. he really liked you. he wanted this night to be special. he finally got his girl

“it could be nice another day, hooking up at a party is already so unclassy” you say pulling him for a kiss

“ok but than where” he says in between your kiss

“what about the bathroom” it was the only place that could be remotely nice

“ok follow me” he says kissing you once last time on your gore head, lips, and lastly neck

Conrad grabbed your hand and took you down the hall to the bathroom. surprising it wasn’t busy. when you opened the door Conrad immediately locked the door. after he instantly cornered you at a wall so you couldn’t leave him. which you weren’t planning on it either way

“hey” Conrad said leaning his forehead on yours

“hi” you say leaning in to kiss him. leaned in for a kiss. it was deep and passionate. you felt yourself relax. your shoulders fell down as your hands followed his face to his jaw and let them stay there. as Conrad was deepening the kiss you let out a slight moan. it was music to Conrad’s ears. he wanted to hear more. he was hungry to hear more.

“i need you” Conrad pulls away from you with blissed out eyes

“fuck- me too” you say as Conrad picks you up and sits you at the sink

he lifted your dress up to reveal your dark red laced thong. he felt himself snap. he needed you. he needed to be inside you.

as he pulled the thong all the way down. “god you’re so wet” he puts the red lace in his pocket for ‘safe keeping’

he licked his two fingers as lubricant and started to finger you. you followed his fingers as they disappeared and reappeared. sucking on your bottom lip to not draw attention to the bathroom. even though no one could hear you over the loud music.

“look at me when i’m fucking you” Conrad demanded. he wanted to see how your face contoured at his actions. making him feel good inside

if he could he would do this to you all day. he’s been dreaming about this ever since he could remember. he continued with his action. adding fingers as he goes. as he did you gasped into his forearm almost drawing blood with your red nails. Conrad was circling your clit with his other hand to speed the processes up. he needed you.

“Conrad” you whispered lowly and it snapped. Conrad and you. with the white liquid falling down his hand.

“god i need you” as he licks his fingers clean and leaning down to kiss you, tasting yourself

“you’re all i need” you say with fucked out eyes

Conrad unbuttoned his pants, dropping everything with it. making you take his shirt off. leaving him exposed. you opened your legs wider for him.

“fuck” Conrad leans in to kiss you biting your bottom lip as he pulls away “i don’t have a condom” he says flatly

“it’s fine, i’m on the pill” you say as you get the cum spilling from you and rubbing it on Conrad to lubricat him.

“i need to feel you” Conrad says desperately as he pushes inside you. kissing you to hide your moans.

he was huge. you don’t know what you were expecting but he was stretching you in the best way possible. the whole time knowing Conrad you never ever thought about his size. as he entered inside you, you leaned against the mirror and exposing your neck. moaning loudly to the way Conrad is making you feel giving him a confidence boost. as he continued his actions you would look down because you liked the view and every time Conrad lifted your head to see him. and when he did you moaned because he was the one fucking your cunt.

“let me hear you” Conrad whispered in your ear

“fuck Connie” you say grabbing Conrad and making out with him

something about you being fucked in retro clothes. and how Conrad liked the dress because he could see your boobs which allowed him to leave hickeys down your chest as a manrepelent. that he is the one for you and only you. you tugged on his hair to make him moan, which led to him kissing you deeply, hitting a new spot

“y/n you need to take a picture with me and Taylor” Belly says loudly through the door

“mm- yeah on it just doing some-e touch ups” you struggle to speak because Conrad just kept going deeper and circling your clit trying to make you mess up

as you heard the steps walk away you let out a loud moan which you weren’t expecting. the white substance running down your legs as Conrad just looks amazed at you.

“that was so hot” Conrad says hiding his face into your neck leaving new hickeys to decorate your body in the morning “turn around” Conrad demanded

“but-“

“please it’ll be quick”

and so you did. you didn’t know why but you trusted him with everything you had inside of you. maybe because you knew him amongst all your life, but either way he was making you feel so good today.

he turned you around so your face was looking at the mirror. it was fogged up from the steam coming from the both of you. Conrad aligned himself again going deeper and faster keeping the same pace he liked how your face would come close to the mirror almost hitting it. your eyes were watering and you were trying not to let them stream and ruin your makeup, but he just kept going

your hair was all sorts of tangled. your eyeliner and masacra running and your lipstick was smudged. your boobs were spilling out from the top of the dress as Conrad kept pounding inside of you.

“you look so fucking hot” Conrad says looking at you from the mirror

“yeah” you say half moan half question

“fuck yeah” Conrad affirmed

“take a picture” you say grabbing his phone from the counter and putting it on selfie mode. letting both you and Conrad in the photo as you but your lip and he concentrates on making you feel good

“fuck that was hot” he says as you put it in his hidden photos

you would look at his face from the mirror he was so focused on pleasuring you. and than another moment he would make eye contact with you through the mirror. his naked body heaving from the lost of air.

he leaned down to where your ear was nibbling at it and licking it to add more stimulus and make you come which was successful. you grasped into the sink so hard that you thought you would break it and moaned so loud that Conrad made you face him and kiss him to suppress the noise. because even though he liked hearing you, that was loud enough to hear over the music and didn’t want to stop the fun

“Conrad-” you say clenching on Conrad’s shaft

your stomach was tightening for the third time this night. you felt your body come to a stop, everything inside you started to tighten. you were sure your mascara was running

Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you ramble. He speeds his movements, knowing you’re close

“You’re so beautiful.” he thought. The way your head is titled back, your mouth wide open. He loves the way your eyes were screwed shut in pleasure. He couldn’t help but smile, not being able to stop admiring you.

He watches your face as you unravel, feeling him come close behind. “Ohmygod, fuck. Conrad, please,” you begin to pull away from him and look forward, the overstimulation almost painful. you came so hard tipping Conrad over the edge and following behind.

as he pulls out you felt the cold air hit you and you arched your back, Conrad looks at the sight and wishes he could take a picture. he uses his fingers to push the cum in.

“what are you doing” you ask standing straight but losing your balance

“i want you to walk around with my cum inside you” Conrad says leaning in to kiss you

“you’re so annoying” you say turning around to the fogged you mirror and cleaning it with your hand. fixing your eyes and smudged lips.

“i’m keeping these” Conrad pulls your underwear from his pocket

“no!” you yelp running to grab them but breaking your ankles

“did i do i that” Conrad asks at your lose of walking skills

“shut up” you say walking slowly to the door and walking away struggling

“two new photos today” he says referring back to the polaroid and the explicit version

“only for you” you say fixing your dress down your body as you take your shoes off to be able to walk a little better

“what now” Conrad asked

“i’m tired let me lay with you” you say wrapping your arms around his neck to kiss you

“ok” he says with a polite smile

you didn’t really understand how he could destroy you one moment and than the nicest person in the world. a person who would want to give you the world. and you enjoyed it. it kept you on your toes.

you quickly run to his room to make sure one one else could see your state of fucked up appearance. but your plan failed as Conrad quickly swooped you taking you in for a quick kiss making you smile.

“i have some extra clothes if you want” he asks pulling them out to you

“ooo give me” you say changing quickly in the corner of his room

“you’re funny” he says laughing laying down on his blanket and pillow

“what why” you say putting the shirt over your head and walking back to him

“you were all about yourself a second ago and than now you’re all shy” he says poking you

“oh shut up” you say moving your body so your back faced him

“make me” he says towering over your face so he could be kissed by you

a/n: i take requests!

[astro-eats]

Any reason why you ship Gangle x Zooble?

( i also ship them ) 🥺❤

TYSM FOR ASKING AHEM

1- They would just work together (I love the ship dynamic so much!!!)

2- They would comfort each other like when zooble hates themselves she would say cute stuff and tell them how amazing they are

3- Zooble would gladly kill Jax for her <3

4- they would stand up for her when she's too scared too

5- Both have fragile bodies so they could relate to eachother

6- I feel like zooble would have physical affection unless it was from her

7- They would hang out often and yap about their hatred for jax

8- yapper x listener?! <3

9- Cuties are my favorite characters <3 fav character x fav character hits different

10- They're so different from each other which is cuteee

11- I feel like Gangle would dream about them often :3

12- Its really funny imagining Gangle begging zooble to go on an adventure

13- Caine would pick up on their closeness and use it to his advantage (ex: Telling zooble if they went on the adventure they could pair with gangle)

14- Cute weeb probably obsessed with sanrio and cute things X punk baddie who never really thought about that stuff until they met her

15- Zooble would also probably think of her whenever they see any cute stuff

16- Gangle would help them find parts they like

17- zooble would help Gangle fix her mask often

18- date where they murder jax <3

19- Zooble would try their best to comfort Gangle

20- I feel like they would both have mood swings (Zooble wouldn't have them as bad as gangle tho duh)

21- Their ship name is literally abstragedy its meant to be

22- Zooble would try to protect her from jax

23- They're just drawn to each other cuz they're soulmates

24- I cant remember if this was a dream or not but gooseworx posted a photo of her liked posts and one of them was zooble and Gangle hugging?! (Don't take my word for it tho I have bad memory But im pretty sure it did happen)

25- "Gangles too shy to say anything about it.." HOW CAN YOU HEAR THAT AND NOT SEE THE LOVE IN THEIR DIFFERENTLY SIZED EYES?!

26- "What about zooble..?" Not her being the only one who cared? Not her loving them and wanting to marry them?

27- also her wanting to save them but kinger won lol imagine STOP ABSTRAGEDY COMMUNITY WOUKD BE GOING CRAZY IF GANGLE WON ROCK PAPER SCISSORS SOMEHOW AND SAVED THEM

28- The christmas promo where zooble gave her a new mask?!

29- Gangle probably is obsessed a little

30- Zooble makes her feel like shes cared about and that she matters <3

31- I want coleslaw

32- Zooble has a lot of knowledge about animes Gangle likes because she's a yapper like that probably

33- Uh not zooble putting their hands near their heart and looking more relaxed when they talk about her? The love is showing they can't even hide it

34- Gangles probably a scaredy cat so she would run to zooble when something scares her

35- Zooble would actually take time to get to know her which makes her feel loved

36- Zooble would be so confused and like idk about their own emotions because they've never felt this way for anyone else

37- Gangle would be very concerned about how they feel about stuff which no one has really cared about that before

38- They would hide their relationship from Jax to avoid getting teased and stuff

39- Gangle would be such an idiot around them when she first realized she liked them cuz she was nervous

40- zooble thought it was cute and silly when she did

41- Its true love you can't deny we all saw the look in their eyes when talking about Gangle and also the way they glanced at her while saying they aren't straight?! Why would they look at her while talking about their gayness IF THEY DIDNT LIKE HER?! @starspangledbatter Im pretty sure is the one who pointed that out <3

42- We might get more abstragedy crumbs as the show progresses hopefully

43- They've been in the same shot like 3 whole times :0

44- Ignore the fact they called her an idiot that's irrelevant

45- Wait imagine them calling her an idiot in an endearing way :0

46- I'm literally listening to an abstragedy playlist rn its just in my blood to love abstragedy (I do have to admit, in the first month I didn't ship abstragedy... I shipped ribbun..... BUT WE DONT TALK ABOUT THAT ANYMORE!!! IT WAS A PHASE!!)

47- I headcanon gangle going to zoobles room in the middle of the night when she can't sleep <3

48- Gangle would be a listener when she needs to be

49- Zooble would help her get out of bad situations

50- She would hug them like a snake

51- They would constantly glance at eachother then look away really fast before they started dating probably

Anywayssss this took way too long- But heres 50 abstragedy stuff!!!!

[eepyfaggoth]

Job Opportunity in (no longer) Boston

Hello! I'm a multiply disabled medically complex wheelchair user in greater boston who relies on caregivers and i am hiring! No experience necessary, just be resourceful, patient, covid cautious, dependable, and an enthusiastic learner. Especially looking for other fat people! Hoping for someone who drives but I am accessible via the T.

Turning to tumblr as a bit of a hail mary because i am having a really hard time finding someone who can do the job, show up, and also be normal to me as a fat disabled queer through local channels, and i have one worker now who comes as often as they can, but ive been without adequate support for a while. i would appreciate anyone and everyone who reblogs, to possibly get this in the eyes of someone who might be a good fit! welcoming advice as well!

I have the sweetest esa cat

Pay is 19$ an hour funded by masshealth, i have 30-35 hours available and you can work as many or as few of those as you want

Im still very much trying to figure out life with my disability and how to function and organize and communicate my needs and navigating what I'm emotionally able to accept help with, but in general I need help with housework, cooking, managing my medical care, pushing me in my manual wheelchair, sometimes help using a slide board, and I'm still trying to figure out what things look like on a daily basis. going places with or for me. helping me get in the car, helping me pack a backpack if i need to go somewhere. getting mail, helping clean and pick things up off the floor, organizing medical appointments, making phone calls, unpacking medical equipment. emptying a pee jar. Helping me manage/charge medical equipment. I have a hard time lifting my arms a lot because of really bad neck issues, and i have really limited stamina. Putting drinks in smaller bottles, taking packaging off things. I also kind of need help with dressing and bathing sometimes but I have a really hard time coping with that and so like. That happens when it happens and is what it is. I have some systems for washing my hair without actually getting in the shower. I have variable conditions so things might not be the same all the time, on a good day I might be able to sit up for a while and do tasks, on a bad day it's very hard to bring a drink to my lips.

There's no physically lifting my entire body, but I do need someone who can lift the 50lb largest piece of one my wheelchairs and standard everyday heavy stuff like groceries or boxes of protein shakes. And sometimes my limbs. There's also likely things like reaching and stooping, alas, I drop a lot of things on the floor. I have a lot of allergies and some tasks are more complicated than they otherwise might be, and Im really hoping to find someone who can pay attention to detail and is comfortable working through things slowly.

i have a lot of allergies so memory and attention to detail are important, as is a willingness to wash hands frequently. i have a disorder called mast cell activation syndrome and frankly the precautions i need to take feel absurd

covid precautions:

Masks required! I'm hoping to find someone who also takes other precautions.I also need someone to be careful about monitoring yourself and not coming in if you are sick with *anything* because I *will* get it and it *will* be a multiple week ordeal where I likely experience dangerous symptoms. must be able to test weekly and mask with a k/n95 while around me. ideally be someone who lives low risk (masks everywhere, doesnt attend crowded events / spaces, etc). cannot be someone with a high risk lifestyle (has kids in primary school, unmasked in food service areas regularly, etc) we can talk about my precautions too, right now i havent left my house in weeks, i have two way masking with my current pca, and occasionally an unmasked delivery person will come into my apartment though id like to work on solutions to this. i need to like. revamp my precautions. but i dont go anywhere without a mask, i only have unmasked contact with another person if someone comes into my apartment and i cant get to my mask, i am eating while my pca is here and they are masked, or when my also homebound and careful partner is visiting. if someone was working for me more than 25 hours a week and lived a very low risk life i might be open to having a bubble with them during non surge times with precautions like air filters?

i really try to create a calm and positive work environment, though i have complex and real needs and i've been struggling to survive for a long time and i am very overwhelmed. i care deeply about a humanizing workplace, and i am looking for someone who will care enough about my needs as a human being to take the job seriously even though i am as flexible as possible.

About me, in case that helps?

Fat genderfluid dyke. I'm on my third medical leave from college (like a champ!) but I study medical anthropology, disability studies, and linguistics. I don't get out much or do a lot right now because of my illness but i like fiber arts, music, I don't do tons because I spend most of my time in bed but im really passionate about mutual aid, it's been a a minute but I've been wanting to get back into d&d, I think the magicians is the greatest work of television ever written, and I've been trained as a clown and want to try stand up (well, sit down) comedy at some point. I'm a bit neurotic but very self aware. trying to sort out anticonsumerism in the context of my disability. i value creativity, resourcefulness, autonomy, and consent.

(if this went like really well, i am also potentially looking to apply for housing assistance with accommodation for a room for a live in aid, but probably in western mass. idk)

Gwen :) he/they

Message for details

[empyrealoasis]

hey so im going to explain my situation and the context , i also want to request you to please answer this ask as nobody is replying to me and i need it the most right now.

I've been into LOA and manifesting for 4 years, and a month ago, I decided to use the Void to manifest. My main desires are good grades, my grandfather’s health, and easier manifestation. I’ve tried meditating, using SATS, and entering trance states to access the Void, but despite using different methods, I haven’t succeeded. On November 20, my grandfather passed away, which has deeply affected me and my family. I also have my board exam viva on December 3 with zero preparation and a 30% attendance rate, putting my eligibility for the boards at risk. I urgently need to enter the Void to manifest solutions, as there’s no time left.

Please offer advice

Hi my dear, before I give you any advice I will reiterate that I do not respond to asks and dms, especially if you can find the answers in the community. The knowledge that you need is readily accessible at any point in time, all you have to do is read and apply. I'm not trying to be disrespectful towards you or anyone else, but if you looked at my introduction post I've stated my rules clearly. However, I have no problem in making some exceptions! >_<

Firstly, the usage of "tried", "entering" and "using different methods" says a lot about how you view the void state. The void state is not a magical place you try to enter. It is within you. Pure consciousness is a state and you are always changing states. Whether it is falling asleep or walking. Do you try to go to sleep? Do you try to breathe? So why are you trying to enter the void state/pure consciousness? There's a reason why anons, like yourself, including other bloggers and myself say that when they induce pure consciousness after months/years of "trying", they realize how easy and simple it was.

Secondly, you are overcomplicating the void state. By using various, elaborate methods and overconsuming, you are bound to spiral and search for an answer you already know. There isn't anything I can tell you that you don't already know. There isn't a cheat code or special method/ritual only bloggers know. You don't try methods to walk or run, so don't apply them to something you were born to do.

The most basic and effective way of inducing pure consciousness is going to bed 30 minutes to an hour earlier than usual. Relax your body by doing what works for you, whether it's through meditating, counting or hypnosis. Ignore your body and 3D by focusing on the darkness behind your eyelids and breathing. Affirm and allow yourself to slip into pure consciousness.

"My four principles: Relax, Ignore, Affirm, Allow"

In the same way, you ignore your surroundings when you want to sleep it's the same principle for inducing the void state. The only difference is you keep your mind active instead of entering the dream state.

Now, based on your circumstances your mental health is causing you to be desperate and emotionally dependent on seeing results in the 3D. In my humble opinion, I think you need to take time for yourself and work on your mental health for a while before you try to induce pure consciousness. It's unwise to idolize the void state as your only ticket to living your best life, as you can become more depressed- and develop more mental health problems in the long run. I also believe you should focus on your education and grief. If you're not up to that, induce pure consciousness when you feel most comfortable and happy. After all, I can't tell you what you can and cannot do. Only you can make that decision.

Lastly, I'm going to be transparent but I was once in your shoes as well. I was OBSESSED with the idea of the void state. I put it on a pedestal, became dependent and I became even more depressed. I spiralled out of control and fixated on the idea of entering. Long story short, I got absolutely nowhere. I only had success with entering (as you may see from my ask to @konniesreality) after I focused on getting a somewhat stable mindset and self-concept. I don't think I included it in that ask specifically, but that was pretty much my "secret" to MY success. It's NOT necessary, but I think it's worth it to put your mental health first in the long run.

I hope you find my response helpful and good luck on your journey! Remember to be kind to yourself and to take care of yourself. It's okay to take your time as it is infinite. :>

- Aquamarine 🐋🐚

[honeyhotteoks]

do you have any advice on like getting better with writing?

hey! i definitely do!! i’ve talked about this before but i have a lot of new readers, so ill start off by saying i’ve been writing for my entire life, and im 30 so thats a lot of years. if you’re a new writer, trust me i used to be there and good god if you guys could see the stuff i published in old fandoms 💀 really, really bad haha

i only say that because i by no means consider myself a great writer, there are fic writers in this space alone that i’m always so floored by and look up to…. but people have been very kind about my writing style and it’s something that took time to develop it’s not something i just “had”. outside of fic, i was a literature and creative writing major, and got very used to writing and workshopping pieces.

now! onto some actual advice —

1. read a lot and read more, but read stuff you actually like and not stuff you feel pressured to read. i love high brow litfic as much as the next pretentious english major, but i started writing a ton after reading a bunch of kindle unlimited romance because it was fun and it got me inspired

2. watch well written television for dialogue and pacing. people do not talk in proper english, they don’t say things eloquently, and there’s a lot of filler and fluff. that’s good! that’s real, so i love well written tv to show me how it’s done

3. get comfortable writing in weird ways. for years i used to sit down and be like “ah okay so chapter one” and then i was stuck, stalled out, and just felt bad about the process. when i started writing both aurora and tnt, i started in the middle. i had an image of a scene in my mind (for tnt it was actually the claim attempt) and i just wrote it out and then bounced around later

4. outlines are your friend! sometimes i’ll get a random line of dialogue in my head or an image but that doesn’t mean i’m ready to write it. i throw it in one big outline so i don’t lose it.

5. if you’re wanting to write really good smut i have two suggestions but please only do this to your personal comfort level. this is what works for me but do not make yourself uncomfortable— for good smut, i watch porn for reference and for good dirty talk, i listen to nsfw audio. i like to really write the visuals for smut and make it immersive but lol i haven’t experienced everything ive written about and logistics of the body are hard!! i usually find a video or an audio and let that help guide the imagery im writing.

6. be comfortable with the editing process. i know the temptation to post something the minute you finish it is there, but sleep on it. come back and edit it, read the dialogue out loud if you have to. i swear you’ll make the piece better just by leaving it and coming back.

7. don’t be afraid to post. most people are kind, and the worst thing that will happen is you don’t get a lot of notes. that’s okay, it’s a process.

8. research! as i’m writing anything, even a silly little oneshot, im doing research on something. i am hyper aware that im not korean and have never spoken korean or lived in korea, so for my fic i try my hardest to ground elements of that in reality. i truly cannot tell you how many hours ive spent reading like korean case law on revenge porn just for like 3 lines of dialogue. and you don’t have to go that crazy, i’m arguably too intense, but i do think some of that helps the story and the dialogue feel real.

9. describe something real- every place in my writing is based on something real. every apartment, hotel, cafe, venue, etc., they’re all either something i’ve found online or drawn from my life and use that to my advantage. i use apartment listings and save photographs, i do google map walks to see what neighborhoods look like, anything to get the feel of a place or an experience. for the christmas chapters of aurora, i watched hours of gwangju walking tour videos on youtube while i was writing just to understand how to describe their walk in the snow. it really helps me to have a visual that i can put words to.

10. find your weak points and see what other writers do differently. if you want to improve, you should find a small place to start. is it dialogue? overall plot? smut? etc. - i’ll never forget being on a creative writing retreat, and a very important writing professor said to me “everything you write is very pretty but you haven’t said anything. you have to decide to say something.” that feedback hurt, but sent me down a much better writing path when i realized where i was falling short and not challenging myself.

okay i hope some of this was helpful and if it’s a mess im sorry im on mobile. i really just love writing so deeply and will always talk about it, so i hope this was helpful 💗

[theywantedplayer]

could you write reader comforting auston after they lost the round 2 series? in my feels🥹

MastersList

PromptList

As soon as the buzzer sounded, you buried your head in your hands. You felt horrible you knew they worked hard to get where they are now and just for all of it to end like this, it was cruel. You watched as they all shook hands, you blinked the tears out of your eye’s trying to find Auston on the ice. When you found him, he was already skating off the ice with his head hung low as he went through the tunnel. You sat and waited for a couple minutes wanting to give Auston the chance to collect himself before you went down to see him. When about 30 minutes passed you thought that was enough, you walked through the stadium and found your way to the dressing room. 

You slowly opened the door and peaked your head in, seeing Mitch standing in front of Autson. He had his head in his hands with only his lower body patting on. You knew he got too tired to take the rest off because he still had his skate’s on. When you pushed the door fully open it caught Mitch’s ear and he turned his head to you and smiled sadly. He patted Auston on the back and said something before he turned away to leave through the door you were standing in.

You moved out of the way, giving Mitch a soft smile.

“I’ll leave you too alone” he told as he walked out 

You took a deep breath as you walked over to Auston, who was still sitting in his cubby with his head in his hands. You stopped in front of him, not really knowing what to say. You ran your hands, threw his top hair softly running your nails down to his neck, running your nails over his skin.

“Aust-” “Don’t” he cut you off 

You knelt down in front of him lightly grabbing his rist’s trying to pull his hands away from his face, Austin tried to fight it, but when you continued to pry he gave in. When you pulled his hands away a sigh left his lips as he leaned back up against his cubby wall looking up at the ceiling.

You knew Auston hated when you saw him cry or feeling down at any point, it didn't matter how much Reassurance you gave him to tell him that it's okay but it never seemed to sink in. You knew he had shed a couple tears since his eyes were red. It hurt you to see him hurt, you knew he worked hard.

“Auston you played so good” You tried to tell him but by the way he shook his head you knew he didn't believe you.

“I didn't and you know that” he spit at you 

You tried not to take it Personally because you knew he was just lashing out.

“Auston you did play good,i'm very proud of you” you smiled

But it was pointless, Auston quickly got up and stood in the middle of the room. You stood up with him

“Dont Y/n Dont fucking even, you know I played like shit. I havent gotten a point in three games, THREE FUCKING GAME’S!” he yelled. Running his hand threw his hair.

You watched him as his chest heaved, clearly a sign that he was exhausted from the game.

“I'm sorry Auston, I know it's hard” you whispered, too afraid to talk louder not wanting him to Get riled up again .

“Go-d” He sniffed “Its so hard” he whispered 

You couldn't ignore the break in his voice when he spoke. You took the opening so you walked over in front of him. Auston had his head up trying to hide his face, you knew he was crying. You pulled his face down to your’s, you frowned when you saw Auston’s eyes full of tears just threatening to spill at any moment.

‘Aust Im so sorry, I know you worked so hard”

When you spoke Auston signed and a tear rolled down his cheek, you whipped it away with your thumb as you held his face in your hands. 

“I’m so proud of you, so proud” you told him

Auston quickly pulled you into a hug by the waist, pressing his face into your neck. He squeezed you tightly as you ran your hand through his hair. You could tell that he was trying not to cry from the way that he held his breath, so with your other hand you rubbed his back  Softly.

“ can we just go home?” you heard him Mumble into your neck

“ yeah of course honey, grab your bag and I'll grab the rest”  you responded

 you both pulled away but not before you placed a soft kiss on his lips and lightly padded him on the chest giving him a small smile. 

[evilcokito]

So, in the Bleach Au, how the hell Yuu arrived to the Soul Society?

They were walking back from getting the groceries and took a wrong turn? Maybe they were following a cat?

THANK YOU FOR THIS!!!!! THIS ASK!!! THE TIME COME, THE BEGINNING- Ok dear, im going to TRY WRITING THIS. English is not my first language... so sorry if someting dont work!

The most wonderful things happen at first sight, but sometimes we give them another explanation. We adapt them to our reality. Could it be that those will-o'-the-wisps, those days when the clouds suddenly disperse or those shadows that appear in the corners of the rooms, are really what we see?

Yuu also wonders about that, all the time. But decides not to talk about those people walking aimlessly down the street with a broken chain on their chest. Or those ones who apparently belong to a sect, with strange traditional black clothes. Just ignores them, but for some reason Yuu does not go unnoticed in front of them.

So if you ask Yuu ¿ What is real? Will probably answer "as far as I can explain reality." But there are things that are impossible to talk, so prefers to keep quiet. Yuu was always an expert in running away from all this too, pretending that they are not there.

It is a pity that in life you cannot run away forever, not even in death, you human liar.

A "cat"... would be adapting it to our reality, for example. Cats are not 2 meters tall, have a mask similar to a skull or give off an intense blue fire. Honestly, Yuu had been running away from these beings for a long time. Its like a prey being cornered now. Although must admit that was surprised when a friend, Ortho, appeared with a completely white suit and a gun. Very annoying as well, because it is "much more to keep silent."

It is a tragedy that for a shy and silent human, life ends like this.

Where life ends is an answer you can give right now, Yuu, with that katana crossing your chest. It is desperate to see your clothes dyed an intense crimson, vision becomes cloudy and limbs fall asleep. Your ears buzz until they drown. And your cheek feel a softness similar to that of an animal's fur, pure black like the night. It's comforting, it feels like floating. You feel a little bad for the heartbreaking screams of your friend and his companion, who arrived too late to the scene.

With the few seconds left of your vision, notice that you are in the arms of that being with black plumage, with a picturesque bird mask and bright yellow eyes.

"Am I not kind??~~".

In your life, never heard such an irritating voice. Any glorious moment where you felt the peace of eternal sleep take over your body vanished. Where everything was darkness, it turned into light... but only for an instant.

Now your body also wore that dark traditional outfit. And nothing looks like "home" here.

"... How am I going to explain that I joined that cult?"

It's a soft, dark robe with wide sleeves and pants. Surprisingly comfortable. You examined every part of it on your body and felt on your waist... that katana that had pierced your chest.

Ran away scared, for about 30 minutes, where everything around looked like you had traveled back in time. Everything was old, including people's clothes. To top it off, everyone looked at you like a weirdo, until fell at the feet of... a member of that sect, blue hair and makeup on his eye and cheek.

"Calm down, calm down... I also got really scared during my Soul Society entrance exam."

For the first time in your life, it occurred to you to speak with the reality that each of your senses captured until now. And that is going to be a mistake from now on.

If got this far, CONGRATULATIONS, you survived my attempt at writing. Now, some clarifications.

Some explanations of all this:

⭐ I don't have a Yuu or Mc that is an OC to insert. I prefer it to be like in the game, where everyone can insert themselves... or create a character for this.

⭐ This Au has its main line, where there will be a lot of fighting, punching, kicking, blood, death, drama, fighting again... but nobody prevents us from making this into something romantic...(ship you Oc or Mc with the shinigamis AND MY LIFE IS YOURRRRRSSSS, will help you if you need too).

⭐ Yuu/Mc doesn't have a specific gender or age. If I ever write or draw something in "romantic" style, keep this in mind.

⭐ Is very difficult for me to do something romantic unless someone ask me, because I prefer fights to the death.

⭐ You can work with anything, and change anything in all this. Well no, the "villain" Aizen are Silver, Rook and Idia. Sorry Silver, Rook and Idia kissers.

⭐ Im trying to make this the best possible, but can fail.

⭐ Shinigamis die. The game is you all avoiding me to kill my fav character. Sam. And sending him to hell like Ukitake because i like drama that much.

⭐ the adobe was a joke.... heh.

[raevenlywrites]

Some various tips about food that prove helpful to me when times are tough

Veggies you buy raw for eating with dips can be roasted when they are no longer crisp and delicious for dipping. Toss in olive oil, salt and pepper, and whatever other spices you like (cumin roasted cauliflower is my fav!) and roast 30-40 mins at 400, stirring once or twice (unsure if your particular veggie is good for roasting? give it a roast just to see. its better than tossing it)

meal shakes are your friend! a shake for a meal is better than no meal at all. my go-to is a high protein carnation instant breakfast in my afternoon coffee. its shelf stable (so it can live in my work bag or back pocket), nutrient dense, and turns my cofffee into a mocha

A handful of crackers and some juice is better than no dinner at all. If you know youre in a "food, bleh" place, get yourself some juice boxes and a favorite snack cracker. Some food, even "bad" food, is better than no food

speaking of, if you like French onion dip, try making it with greek yogurt (my fav is fage with hidden valley dill dip). it packs a lot of protein into a comfort food

(there is no such thing as bad food, btw. some food is more nutrient dense than others, but all food is good food that nourishes your body and fuels your brain. Eat the "bad" food)

((also also not eating makes your brain feel like shit. That baby sucks up soooo much of your daily caloric needs. Please feed your brain so you stop feeling like shit. Eat a snickers, youll hate life less))

a can of V-8 can go into so many broth based dishes. My go-to chili recipe is brown up some ground beef, drain it, then chuck two cans of chili beans and one mini can of v8 into the pot. Boom! food. Tomato pairs great with anything beef, adding a depth and acidity that makes other flavors sing. Plus the bonus veggies of a v8? Excellent

popcicles are an amazing way to keep fruit in the house. we're currently on an Outshine Pomegranate kick in this house. Yes, they can be pricey. But they dont rot out from under you waiting to be remembered. The cost of a popcicle that will keep til you eat it is worth more than the cheaper fruit you just throw away (bonus: the lime ones are great for halting anxiety spirals and panic attacks. cold + sour can help shock your brain out of its doom spiral)

frozen veggies can be chucked into a lot of things at the end of cooking. my go to is keeping a bag of frozen peas n carrots to toss in ramen, rice, and pot pies - plus they help cool the food down so i can eat it :P

finally, consider looping your friends into your eating habits. get a soup buddy you can swap leftovers with. ask your friends to help you remember to eat. A simple text or DM to remind you to eat might seem like a silly thing to ask for, but it offloads rhe burden of remembering and reminds me that im loved and cared for. its easier to dredge up the will to eat when i know someone loves me

take care of yourselves and remember that every victory, no matter how small, is a fucking victory!!! celebrate your successes, dont hoard your failures. You got this :)

[turbotasthick]

What are your Bloodmoon headcanons?

finally some good fuckin food.

Bloodmoons arms, legs, and eyes could work separately with each respective twin. Like lets say bloody has control over the right eye and the other twin the left. Bloody wants to look right so the right eye looks right. Harvest wants to look left so the left eye looks left.

Bloodmoon is audhd. bloody being autistic and harvest being adhd.

The old bloodmoon had nanites and sometimes i like to think hed fuck with people and turn into scary horror icons. Maybe playing with his prey before eating them.

The twins are so sweet to each other and so horrible to other people. Bloody cries? oh in the mindscape harvest is wiping his tears and trying to calm him down. Harvest is enraged? Bloody is holding his hand and gently reprives him so he could collect himself. They hug and they kiss to comfort the other like 🙄🙄

They respect each other so deeply that they dont even playfully use insulting nicknames to each other

they do have arguements but they are so good at communicating with each other that theyd probably be done with said problem in like 30 mins or an hour.

Bloody is larger and heavier. Harvest is smaller and nimble

The twins show each other love with their actions. Words mean nothing to them

They have a personal problem with people who dont cover up enough. im not kidding. i feel like hed scream at some lady for showing out her huge ass bazonkas or stomach or a man thats wearing shorts so short you could see his asscheeks hanging out i feel like hed be all "COVER THEM UP SLUTS"

modest in the way he dresses. Baggy but functional (FUNNY I SAY THAT BUT YET HERE I AM PUTTING HIM IN SKIMPY FITS YET MY HCS SAY OTHERWISE)

honestly i see bm as a masculine person but my girlish tastes keep letting me draw him in girly fits I would wear. i see him wear more masculine things

hes an Angry crier

He actually hates being alone to the point he would accept SHITTY company. like how bloodmoons brother died, he was desperate for them to not leave him there. he didnt want to be alone so badly.

NGL they have healthy codependency to each other

When bm was alone i like to think his hunger decreased, and he would often find himself lying down-- actual depression. Well high functioning depression

Bloodys maturity and self awareness was heightened when his brother died.

Harvest likes to baby bloody just a little bit. Coddle him just a little bit.

if they ever were separated long enough i like to think theyre always holding each others hands, hide behind each other, hug each other, play with each others bells, hats- theyre very affectionate uwu

In one body, i like to think each twin has control over one hand each. Sometimes i like to think bm clasps his hands together as to hold on to his twin- or if he wraps himself with his arms he is hugging his brother

i do like to think they did get ohysical that one time and never again. (WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF WHY ARE YOU HITTINF YOURSELF)

(i have more but thats all im giving unless you ask me for more :,3 im so autistic)

[laraismissing]

Hiiii, I hope you’re doing good 😊 as a starter, could you just write your basic headcanons for Will, LJ and Frankie + the ocs you have? It doesn’t have to be relationships hc, I just want to read your interpretation of these characters 👍 okay byeeeeeee

just letting you know, i was working on answering this and tumblr deleted it. when i was halfway through. im so pissed because it was so detailed 😭 thankfully i remember most of it.

William Grossman

- Age: 20

- Height: 5’10

- Weight: 115

- Sexuality: Homosexual

- Personality: Will is .. lazy. A bit of a bum. however he is trying to work on it, especially now that he’s in the institution. he’s motivated to make something out of himself. He’s outgoing but awkward. He’s tried to make friends several times and 90% of the time he gets jumped. Just for some retrospective, the combined population of the underworld only has a collective 20% of humans. 8% of which are those 24 and younger. So, when will met Robin, he was skeptical at first. but they quickly became best friends, and even consider themselves platonic soulmates. (much to jacks dismay)

- Friends: Jack, Robin, Frankie (acquaintance)

- Enemies: Will doesn’t really have any enemies, except for the obvious which is Isaac.

- Apperance: William is a blonde, borderline ginger with blue eyes. He’s got stubble with shaving bumps on his jaw. He tends to wear baggier clothes, lots of hoodies and big jackets. Also of course, his iconic mask. Will is pretty lanky, with some muscle.

Laughing Jack

- Age: ???

- Height: 8”2

- Weight: 215

- Sexuality: who even fucking knows bro 😭 (aroace)

- Personality: He literally just doesn’t give a fuck. Jack is extremely laid back, unserious. He doesn’t not take anything seriously which is very annoying to those around him (will). However, Jack is always masking. He despises talking about his feelings and never opens up. Ever. He’s a prankster, I mean he’s a clown cmon. it’s in his nature. He’s never not pulling some sort of scheme. Which unfortunately, has given him a damaged reputation. Due to this,jack has trouble finding good paying jobs.

- Friends: Will, Robin.

- Enemies: Isaac, Jason, Frankie(frank HATES jack with every fiber of his being.), Leviathan, Asmodeus.

- Appearnce: he keeps his canon design. I’ve changed nothing about it. Maybe his height?

Frankie The Undead

(bro, tumblr keeps DELETING MY DRAFTS STOP IT 😭😭😭😭)

- Age: Frankie was born in 1910. He died in 1947. In this universe, present time is 2013. So, technically frankie is a 103 years old. However, he’s physically 30-40. Mentally, he’s much older.

- Height: 6’1

- Weight: 225

- Personality: Frankie is very blunt. Forward. He speaks his mind and doesn’t give a fuck what you or anyone else thinks. Unless you’re beezlebub, mammon, [REDACTED]. Also, if frankie has a liking towards someone, he won’t actually start being friendly with you until he feels comfortable. Took his seven months to warm up to Tony. It’s even worse when he feels romantic feelings towards anyone.

- Friends: Tony, Crosseye, Steven, Ray, (basically his ‘gang’, they all work for Beezlebub.) Lorraine (ehh..)

- Enemies: Mammon. Beezlebub (eventually), Tony (eventually).

- Appearance: Frankie also doesn’t stray too far from his cabin design. However he isn’t as lanky, and has more of a dad bod with broader shoulders. He wears the same clothes, still has green skin with the two different colored eyes. He has stitches all over his body, and one that goes across the left side of his face.

Avril Robin Anderson

- Age: 19

- Height: 5’4

- Weight: 103lbs

- Personality: Robin is a sweetie. She’s very outgoing, caring, and open minded. However it’s too much for her own good. She’s very naive with society and how it works, since she was raised in a secluded household. Will tends to keep her out of harms way, as she does with him. She’s fearless. Robin will stick up to anyone.

- Friends: Will, Jack.

- Enemies: None.

- Appearnce: Robin has dark brown skin, And dark brown hair, butterfly locks with red highlights. She wears dirty oversized overalls, and a cropped ripped red, white, and black tie dye top. She pairs this with various belts, bracelets, and dirty red converse. She has green eyes and a scar across her nose bridge.

Lorraine Marie Warren

oh boy. so, if anyone reading this used to follow my old blog, you’ll know how lorraine’s character was. and she is.. very different now.

Friends:

Age: 38

Height: 5’10

Weight: 115 lbs.

Personality: Lorraine has.. changed. To put it short, lorraine is white trash. She’s very outspoken, opinionated, and forward. Much like frankie, she speaks her mind when she wants. (raging alcoholic) She doesn’t care what you think. Lorraine currently lives in the slums of the underworld, where mostly humans live. She lives with her grandfather gerald, her younger brother lawrence, and her five children. However, despite everyone’s negative perception of lorraine, she’s actually very kind, and a great listener.

Friends: Frankie (kinda), Forenzik.

Enemies: Beezlebub, Mammon, Multiple Gangs, And a bunch of random others.

Appearance: Lorraine’s appearance has not changed. She wears black flare jeans, brown boots, a white turtleneck with. rosary around her neck. her right eye is red, and her left brown. She has pale skin, and a mole underneath her left eye. Her hair is a chocolate brown, short cut. She has eyebags and a ‘birthmark’ of a cross on her forehead.

[daddyhausen]

Could i request a hc with Adam Copelad using this prompt please? “[choked up] I thought I lost you.” / “[choked up] I never thought I’d see you again.”

｡ ･ : * ˚ : ✧ ｡ 「 ALWAYS BEEN YOU 」 ｡ ･ : * ˚ : ✧ ｡

｡ ･ : * ˚ : ✧ ｡ ｡ ･ : * ˚ : ✧ ｡ ｡ ･ : * ˚ : ✧ ｡ ｡ ･ : * ˚ : ✧ ｡ ｡ ･ : * ˚ : ✧ ｡

「 MASTERLISTS 」 | 「 AEW MASTERLIST 」 | 「 ADAM COPELAND MASTERLIST 」

「 COMMISION INFO 」 | 「 LIKE MY WORK? BUY ME A COFFEE — KOFI — DXDDYHXUSEN 」

｡ ･ : * ˚ : ✧ ｡ ｡ ･ : * ˚ : ✧ ｡ ｡ ･ : * ˚ : ✧ ｡ ｡ ･ : * ˚ : ✧ ｡ ｡ ･ : * ˚ : ✧ ｡

「 SUMMARY 」 — adam thought you perished in that car accident

「 WARNINGS 」 — friends to lovers, age gap relationship [ reader is in late 20s / early 30s ], mentions of injury, mentions of car accident

「 WORD COUNT 」 — 588

「 PAIRING 」 — fem!reader x adam copeland

「 GENRE 」 — fluff / angst

｡ ･ : * ˚ : ✧ ｡ ｡ ･ : * ˚ : ✧ ｡ ｡ ･ : * ˚ : ✧ ｡ ｡ ･ : * ˚ : ✧ ｡ ｡ ･ : * ˚ : ✧ ｡

「 TAGLIST 」 — @thewrestlingbitch @omg-im-such-a-masochist @bayleymania @wardlow @alexisquinnlee-bc @sammiejane22 @im-just-a-mississippi-girl @omegasluvbot @melissahausen @writtingrose @drummergrl1310 @unoficialy-married-to-ace-austin @bonehead-playz @legit9thlunaticwarrior @crowleysqueenofhell @romanreigns-supreme @janetreader @thenerdybaker523 @sunshinevirus @nicoleveno14 @rubyred1980 @harmshake @igncrxntripley @ripleyswhore @embermdk @thepalaceofmelanie @seeingstarks @kennysbadkitten @darkangelchronicles @ripleyswife @selena-tyler-564 @alyyaanna @nightmare-viper

「 COMMENT IF YOU WANT TO BE ADDED TO THE TAGLIST 」

｡ ･ : * ˚ : ✧ ｡ ｡ ･ : * ˚ : ✧ ｡ ｡ ･ : * ˚ : ✧ ｡ ｡ ･ : * ˚ : ✧ ｡ ｡ ･ : * ˚ : ✧ ｡

the ringing in your ears became more of an annoyance as time went on

the bleak, bleach stained ceiling of a hospital room felt colder than most

it felt empty despite the bodies of doctors and nurses as well as yourself inhabiting it

a nauseated feeling wased over you the moment you made an attempt to sit up

head spinning, still with visions of the accident,

the innitial hit where the drunk driver had clipped you, sent your car spinning off the highway

down into a ditch where you and adam laid motionless before coming to

your body felt stiff and ached, the creak of your bones accompanied by aching muscles

your leg in a cast, from foot to knee

ribs heavily bandaged, so tight that it caused your to wheeze and sputter with every breath

your eyes scanned around the room absentmindedly

meeting with the backs of sterile doctors who seemed insidtingiusable from the next

all dressed in white and the occasional hospital blue

the colour remeniscant of a mid-day sky but held none of the warmth and charm

amongst the bleakness, glancing down at your hand momontariily

a larger, more rugged one encapsulated yours

your hearing now coming to, adam’s voice calling out your name with soft yet, frantic whispers

you peer up to meet his voice, noticing his face crusted with dried blood, the blondish-grey whisps of his beard now stained pink

a small bandage obscuring five or so stitches above his left eyebrow caught your attention

“you’re hurt-” you whisper, attempting to sit up once more before he stopped you

“doll, i’m fine. you’re in worse shape right now”

his weathered eyes watered with tears

“fuck…” he muttered, smoothing down his bloodied beard, hot tears staining his cheeks

“i’m so glad you’re alright…i thought i lost you”

he got all choked up, trying to stifle his sobs from echoing around the hospital room

“you stopped breathing for a bit back there..i..fuck..” he paused for a second.

“i thought i’d never see you again”

his large, calloused palm smoothed down the stray hairs behind your head, his hands still bloodied, not having time to clean them off

his ramblings continued for a minute or so.

adam’s frantic hands found comfort in your stoic ones

“adam?” your croaky words caught him off guard.

the tremble in his hands calmed, smoothing down stray wisps of hair that clung to your sweat and blood tinted skin

tracing down the bruising that swelled around your left eye, the blotches of purple and blue so vibrant against your skin

he paused for a moment, taking in the sight of you, how your eyes welled with tears, not for your own circumstance per say, more so for his own injuries, despite how minuscule they were in comparison

“it’s not your fault, you know that…”

your voice still sounded hoarse and broken, weak with fatigue

“but i was the one driving, i should have seen that drunk driver…”

adam put his head in his hands, a heavy sigh parting his lips

“i care about you. hell, i fucking love you! and i hate that i’m the reason you’re here”

his hands froze for a moment, not embarrassed in the sort, just shocked sightly that those words fell from his lips

‘i always knew you did…” your voice barely spoke above a whisper, still loud enough for him to hear

“and i’ve always loved you, i just wish it didn’t take something like this for either of us to admit it”

｡ ･ : * ˚ : ✧ ｡ ｡ ･ : * ˚ : ✧ ｡ ｡ ･ : * ˚ : ✧ ｡ ｡ ･ : * ˚ : ✧ ｡ ｡ ･ : * ˚ : ✧ ｡

[calpalsworld]

1 year on T review:

Disclaimer: I feel like it went really perfectly compared to some other people so don't take me as the only example.

I started on 25 ml per week (pretty low), but they lowered it to 20 ml (low) per week due to my T levels becoming insanely high and my period coming back because of it. I basically microdose T because I'm a freak 🤗

Period:

IT STOPPED

It came back a little once but then they lowered my dose

Emotions:

I didn't notice any change in emotions personally.

Strength:

Idk I might have placebo'd myself into having more strength?

Acne/stink:

It got worse like 2 months in but then went back to how I was pre-T after a few weeks. edit: probably my self maintenance habits catching up with the changes.

Wiener:

T gives you a weewee!!! O_O

It hurt badly around 3-6 months but also I already got a fair amount of pain down there pre-T. This may be a me thing.

Made my comfortability with my self and perception of self way better

Fat:

I look different slightly in a way I really like.

I have more of a chad faceshape now

Gained some body fat in a way that makes my boobs and butt look smaller (I wanted this desperately and I hope maybe in the future I can look like a bear)

Hair:

Disclaimer: I was already hairy pre-T.

Slight mustache / sideburns. Excited for more in the future. I feel like Im gaining this at a normal pace. I have yet to shave anything but I want to shave soon to see what kind of complexion/face texture it would give me.

Hair everywherrreeeeeeeeeeee

Buttcrack hair👿👿👿 (this is my least favorite change) (they dont put this in anti trans ads because its kinda gross but if they were being honest they would)

Voice:

Around 3 months you will sound like you are very very very sick for weeks. I feel like this happens to everyone not just me.

A bit deeper now.

Rumbley/cracky in a way that I really like. I amuse myself with my new voice abilities.

I can't go as high pitched anymore or it cracks.

I miss doing funny baby voices 👿👿👿

How others see me:

Medical professionals have been nice/normal to me

Going on T will not make your parents start gendering you correctly if they aren't already

Some people say they literally genuinely thought I was AMAB (edit: the reason I thought this was crazy is because I don't even bind)

Some people know immediately Im trans and immediately misgender me intentionally

I dont understand how this dichotomy works ^ androgyny achieved?

Cishet "passing" (?!) I like this somewhat so I can chillax.... but also IM NOT CISHET OR BINARY

Doing the shot:

I was never particularly scared of needles, but I was nervous the first time. Despite being a coward, I managed to do it without ever having help. (the doctors didn't show me how LOL and I got impatient waiting for my friend) (ASKING FOR HELP IS GOOD THOUGH!!!)

Used to take like 30 minutes, now takes like 5 minutes.

Idrc anymore

Nothing bad has ever happened except one time there was a bunch of blood which freaked me out.

Thats all my thoughts on T for those who are trying to find information. Feel free to ask me questions ☝🤓

[zurrr]

@nopecontest says no one uses this place to blog anymore, only reblog, so ill post some thoughts here and call it "blogging".

the internet is getting stupider and as i approach my 30s i find myself thinking more frequently about mid 2000s internet and all the dumb things i was interested in. ytmnd. different internet forums dedicated to sonic, ed edd n eddy, and the powerpuff girls. the friends i lost contact with from those forums. avgn when he was in his 20s and just starting out. wanting to make ytps thinking that was my calling at the time. newgrounds. albinoblacksheep. getting banned from deviantart multiple times because i was under 13. none of this is present anymore and will never be present again and thats bleak to think about on a regular basis. kids on the internet today will never experience online memories like this.

im more accepting of working my same retail job forever than i ever was, as the benefits are all i think about and how things could be worse. it used to be a big anxiety of mine, trying to think about how i could break away from retail and never go back to it, but honestly there is nothing else especially when i have no skills or education (if that even matters anymore) but like at the same time i dont care as much anymore. i make enough to get by. i could buy a thing i dont need and still be able to buy things i do need. im in a good position and have things others dont and theres no reason to fret over it anymore.

ive been figuring out my identity lately. i slowly came to the realization that i do not like wearing feminine clothes or presenting solely as female. ive struggled with body dysmorphia since, i wanna say before age 8 idk anymore, and ive always associated this was having an eating disorder, which im not gonna deny that i have. i often calorie restrict, and sometimes i dont realize that im doing this because im occupying myself so much that im not thinking about taking care of myself. this will be an ever-present thing about myself, but im learning that i can combat this by changing my wardrobe. i feel more confident when im not settling for wearing a dress or putting on make up cuz i feel like i "have to", and instead choosing clothes that are actually comfortable and not form fitting. ive been trying to explore this more, still a ways to go maybe, but mentally it's been comforting to consider and ill say here i go by she/they pronouns. it used to be she/her with no hesitation but thats not me anymore.

ive been watching one piece since last year and it's been interesting. this is one of those series that i never thought about watching, mostly because i didnt really grow up watching anime religiously and this is one i knew existed but i didnt think it was something i needed to touch when i just watched western shows. one piece is good. another thing that is good is dragon ball z, another series i didnt think id ever touch. i think both changed me for the better cuz it broadened my horizons and it feels like i made new friends. not in fandoms, i mean characters. im friends with characters. puar dragon ball is my friend.

to those who have been following me forever but only on tumblr specifically, im still drawing the same ocs. theyve gotten more complex, meaning they are much sadder and burdened with insecurities that i know too well. NEVERMIND is the only thing im gonna do forever cuz it's gonna take me a long time to get anywhere with it and i dont have enough time in a day to do it all, but thats ok to have only one creative focus. NVM is therapy and i dont need another project. you can read my webcomic here but it's on hiatus until next year. it is also apart of spiderforest which is a webcomic collective, maybe check out other comics on SF too while youre at it and support webcomic creators.

im gonna be grieving about panda (the cat i used to post about here) forever and thats ok too. she passed away 2 years ago in november and i think about her every day. i dont get as emotional about it anymore though. i maybe could if i focused hard enough on it, but i dont have to do that because i have a another cat now who is named bean. she's 4 and is so fuckin silly (and smelly) and i love her a lot. more rambunctious than im used to, but the memories i and @nopecontest have begun building with her have been well worth it. here she is playing mario sunshine

[circular-bircular]

hello! im currently questioning whether I am disordered or not. I was wondering if you would be willing to share your experiences if you're comfortable or maybe share some good resources about what its like being disordered because im really lost rn. this blog is great btw! take care of yourself <3

Hey there! Glad you enjoy my blog, sorry it took a bit to get to this. This is the first night in like a month that I have any free time whatsoever (and that's cause I'm putting off grades, lol...)

I hope you don't mind a bulletpointer on this one!

Disordered experiences...

Firstly, I cannot overstate how fucking everything about me is impacted by trauma. Physical health? I get sick more often because my body has fought as hard as it has to survive -- it's an actual thing that traumatized people get physically sick more often. Mental health? Shit. Depression's comorbid, anxiety is comorbid, and I've even seen discussions about the connections between autism and DID, and those two do not mix well in me. All of my everything is constantly fucked.

I cannot goddamn sleep. Sleep is a goddamn hellscape. I run from somewhere between 2 to 6 hours of sleep most nights, and have to take plenty of naps just to survive. That makes it next to impossible some days to get the energy I need, or if I did get enough nappies, to get the free-time I need.

In terms of my actual DID... Amnesia is the biggest one. I constantly have gaps. I have to write every single thing down. I have plenty of accomodations, sure! But even those fail from time to time, and then it's just a spiral. Like, today at work, I had a surprise meeting I did not write down, because I just forgot to. I forgot about the meeting until 10 minutes prior, when I got an alert in my email about it. This meant I skipped lunch, and had to try and focus without having eaten since 9am. This made my day harder, which led to...

Dissociation!!! God fuck. It's so hard to focus sometimes. I am so spaced out. Today was one of those days where I had to cling to my phone for survival and grounding. Not the healthiest coping mechanism, but it's better to be writing posts on tumblr during class than forgetting I'm in class at all. And none of the kids snitch on me -- just get a little pissy if I don't call on them quickly enough.

Trauma flashbacks. Ough. If I get stuck in one, goodbye ability to think for awhile. It's been happening more and more frequently at work lately, so there goes my 30 minute lunch spent in the bathroom forgetting I exist because I feel like I'm going to my parents house after school.

That ties into paranoia. I have to convince myself more often than not that, when I get home, my abusers won't be there. I'm 26 and haven't directly lived with them in 3 years, and I cut them off close to a year ago. I still wake up thinking they're breaking in.

That's about all I can think off quick, off the top of my head. Basically... owie owie my brain is a big ol bruise.