#at least one convo a day about birthday plans)

[camellia-thea]

personal update:

legally changed my name!! i am legally. someone else now.

[stuffeddeer]

just thought of the most rom-com scenario ever. reader is the new hire for the ADA and immediately off the bat, dazai is dazai. reader just takes it as the typical sense of humor and just laughs it off, thinking he’s not actually interested considering his many various ventures. eventually the two of them are assigned to missions quite often (with atsushi as a third wheel) and the two get along great in terms of humor, personality, work in the field… it boggles atsushi’s mind that the two of them aren’t at least going on ONE date. one night dazai tells him in a drunken stupor over the phone he has feelings for y/n but doesn’t want to ruin what they have. y/n ends up telling atsushi they don’t know what to do if they keep getting missions with dazai because one of these days they may slip up due to him just BEING there. he ends up confiding in both yosano and kunikida about it when the two are out of the office and they both just go “y/n and HIM??? anyone deserves better than THAT” but yosano means it in a more teasing way and kunikida means it in a serious way because. kunikida. thus begins a quest for atsushi; to bring the two together, and it drives him NUTS because the two both don’t think the other likes them. dazai assumes y/n would rather have interest in any other guy and y/n assumes dazai would rather have interest in any other person. this ends up with many funny scenarios such as:

1. atsushi leaving a note on dazai’s desk that reads “i want to talk to you in the hallway at __ time today.” and leaving an identical one on y/n’s desk so they can cross paths outside of working together and possibly start a convo and go somewhere. it backfired and the two just say “weird coincidence. everyone must’ve got this!” and wave bye

2. atsushi trying to subtly tell dazai y/ns favorite flower and he just says “oh, that’s great! are you getting them a birthday present early or something”

3. even kunikida being forced into trying to help by asking dazai if he is interested in hanging out with him and y/n (so he can pretend to end up being sick and it would just be dazai and y/n) and dazai saying “oh, is this some sort of elaborate scheme you’re planning on order to have a date with y/n and so it won’t be awkward with just the two of you? i’ll pretend to be sick when it happens for you!” LIKE GOD DAMM DAZAI STOP BEING INSECURE ITS YOU BOY?!

basically stuff like that goes on so much to the point where when the ADA is out celebrating a successful year of missions at a karaoke bar atsushi just yells out over the mic: “I HAVE HAD ENOUGH THIRD WHEELING HERE!!!!! Y/N AND DAZAI YOU BOTH likeeachother-“ and they’re just. WHAT

(SORRY FOR ALL THE TEXT LMFAO)

anon you literally wrote this for me idek what to say you’re so cool

Atsushi’s eyes widened. “What?! I can’t go on this mission, I have, um… an appointment.” Nailed it. “Dazai can take my place! He’s not doing anything right now.” Normally, Kunikida would have pointed out this obvious lie, but he remained quiet - pretty much everyone in the agency knew what he was up to.

Dazai actually was doing something for the first time in a while, but surely this mission was much more important. The brunet took off with you, headed out on an actually very unimportant mission you definitely could’ve taken care of on your own while Atsushi planned.

The tiger boy was quick to tell you and Dazai upon your return about tonight’s important karaoke celebration! And when you tried to weasel your way out of it, Yosano had practically dragged you down to the place. You were ushered next to Dazai as Atsushi and Yosano chose songs for everyone to sing. They said it was to make sure Dazai didn't pick something depressing or you would try to bail out again - this way, everyone had to go. But also... this way, you and Dazai would be stuck singing a romantic duet.

Of course, the two of you took it horribly wrong (in Atsushi's opinion), you both fully committing to the "joke song" Atsushi selected, wholly pretending in the moment. He'd wanted some romantic moment where you two realized you were destined to be together, but you both are just so stupid—

Atsushi had been up next, and was gripping the microphone tightly. He wasn't one to let his anger take over, but this was just getting ridiculous. As the opening notes played to the song he chose, he shouted out your deepest secret, and Dazai's as well.

You both like each other.

With slack jaws and wide eyes, every agency member stared at Atsushi in shock. He'd turned pink as he realized his mistake, muttering apologies as he placed the mic back down. Tense silence filled the air, the only sound being the scraping of Ranpo's spoon along the ceramic ice cream dish he'd ordered.

After a moment, Yosano started clapping. "Someone had to say it, and we all knew they wouldn't."

The rest of karaoke was horribly awkward for you and Dazai. You'd moved ever so slightly away from each other, completely embarrassed. What if Atsushi had just made up that Dazai likes you back? What if Atsushi had just made up that you like Dazai back? All either of you knew is that he had yelled out your biggest secret, and neither of you were too excited to sing anymore.

The lights had been turned on and everyone was gathering their things. It had been a fun night out, all things considered. Yosano got completely hammered and Ranpo couldn't direct his way home if his life were at stake, so Kunikida and Atsushi led the both of them back to their homes (with Kyouka right on Atsushi's tail). The Tanizaki siblings had left a bit before everyone for whatever their reasons were, so just you and Dazai were left standing outside the karaoke bar, awkwardly gazing out at the quiet city.

"So... tonight was different, huh?" You spoke anxiously, picking at a loose thread on your top.

"I didn't expect Ranpo to be that good a singer," Dazai replies with a polite smile.

You sighed. The last thing you wanted was for things to turn awkward between the two of you. "Listen, Dazai— "

"Do you want to walk home with me?" He cut you off.

You smiled softly, letting out a small chuckle. "Of course."

[missbrunettebarbie]

Another Charmed kid from the future

This was inspired by a convo with @laufire about time travelling kids and how I never cared for the couples that got this trope. As a result, meet Lana Ruth Matthews, Kyle and Paige's illegitimate daughter from the future. Idk when I'm gonna write more of this but I do plan to explore this idea in more detail.

Lana wanted to punch her cousin. Unfortunately said cousin was currently less than a year old. Because she had somehow managed to strand herself in 2005, not 2008. And it was all because of the stupid spell Chris had written.

‘From present's hold, I now unbind,

Reverse the flow, my path to find,

To the days that prelude the sorrow's breath,

Take me to a time before my father's death.’

She supposed it was her fault too. She had forgotten that her father had died twice. The spell had taken her to a month before his first death, before he had become a whitelighter. Before her mother had met Henry. Before Kat, Tamora and HJ had been even born. 

And if she carried on her plan, they would never be born. Maybe HJ, but the twins could only exist if Paige married Henry. 

“Why did you even marry Dad if you loved Lana’s father so much?”

“Because Lana’s father wasn’t there!”

The argument arose in her mind unbidden. It had happened on Kat and Tamora’s tenth birthday, after Paige and Henry had argued all day about how to raise their children. That was the moment Lana Matthews had realized why her siblings didn’t like playing with her. Why she wasn’t allowed to call their dad her dad. Why she had a different name. Why her mom seemed to spend just a little more time with her than she did with the twins and HJ.

All her life, her siblings had made sure she felt like the unwanted child. Did she really want to let the Avatars kill her dad just so those stupid brats could be born? They sure as hell would love to erase Lana from existence if they ever got the chance.

And well, didn’t Uncle Leo always say that things that are meant to be find a way to happen? If her siblings were meant to be born, then Kyle and Paige would probably not get together even if Kyle didn’t die this time around.

Then it hit her. If Kyle wouldn't become a whitelighter in this timeline, Lana wouldn't be born either. At least not the version of her that existed now, the witchlighter that was more whitelighter than witch, the one that grew up half an orphan, who got her name from a cherished memory of her mother’s that had become bittersweet by the time it had made its way on her birth certificate. 

She really wished she had understood more about time-travel instead of blindingly trusting Chris with the ‘small details’. Now she was stuck three years too early, not knowing how the smallest change could affect the timeline. 

“Fear is a demon that has to be vanquished,” she mumbled to herself the mantra she had used since she was five and had been kidnapped for the first time. “You can do this, Lana. Just stick to the plan. Whatever happens happens. My only priority right now is to find Kyle Brody.”

Kyle Brody and the Avatars, but she would worry about them later. Thankfully Lana knew her father’s life the way other children knew fairytales. Finding him would not be a problem. Getting him to listen to a strange fifteen year old would.

[punkscowardschampions]

Jali

Ali: Is your brother okay?

Johnny: More or less

Ali: I didn’t know that convo would go so south so quick

Ali: are you with him?

Johnny: He’s under my eye, don’t worry yourself

Ali: I’m glad

Ali: the girl that was at his birthday, she’s not invited, you can tell him that if you think it’ll make him feel better

Johnny: I’ve told him I need help [fixing something he absolutely does not] but I’ll add about her on as we are

Ali: and we’re okay, aren’t we

Johnny: Do you remember what I said and stand by?

Ali: Yeah but

Ali: that was before I ruined everyone’s day with my stupid party idea, like

Johnny: No

Johnny: don’t talk about the girl I love like that

Ali: Johnny

Ali: you don’t want to come, do you?

Johnny: I can’t

Johnny: I’d come if I could

Ali: What if I invite loads of people, make it look like a free-for-all

Johnny: You can’t

Johnny: you’re behaving well under your mammy’s eye

Ali: I’ll miss you though

Ali: I’m trying to spend time with them all before we leave but I still spend most of the time thinking about you

Johnny: I dreamt of you again last night

Johnny: maybe I knew you’d be away from me this night

Ali: I’ve tried to read your mind before, to see what you’re dreaming

Ali: but you’re too handsome, I can’t focus to use my magic, you’ll have to tell me instead

Johnny: The crib was finished and painted and you lay a baby in it

Johnny: a name came to me

Ali: What are they called?

Johnny: It’s too soon to tell you, the crib’s not built and they’re not born

Ali: Oh, I see

Ali: secret between you two

Johnny: I’ll not know I’ve a son until he’s lay between us and my daughter won’t be given a boy name like my wife’s got

Ali: Hey, you like my name lots

Ali: and I like it all the more for how it looks on you and sounds from your mouth

Johnny: For being yours, I like all parts of you

Ali: I love you

Ali: you’re a good brother, you stood up for him

Johnny: Moses isn’t and the more he’s reminded, the more the rest are not to follow him on his crooked path leading nowhere good

Ali: Exactly, it made me proud of you, the way you are always does

Ali: at least Ronan does have you too, not just Moses

Johnny: I don’t know what’ll become of him, or of my brother and the babies, when we go 

Ali: I wish there was a way to stay, I pray that there will be one

Johnny: I pray too, but that they’ll be alright for our going, it’s the only way

Ali: A better prayer

Ali: it’s for my own sake that I don’t want you to feel like I stole you away

Johnny: Stole does away with what you’re giving me

Ali: It’s everything for everything, and it’s mutual

Johnny: It’s for my own sake I have to leave with you, you know

Ali: I know, we’re leaving for us too

Ali: doesn’t make it easy, you don’t have to pretend with me

Johnny: Easy’s for 2nd sons or those like Moses, I’ve never had it be

Ali: It will be with me

Johnny: Will I gatecrash your little girl party?

Ali: You’ve not got caught seeing me every night since you got back

Johnny: Have you a costume for us?

Ali: A costume that you’ll like to see me in or a costume to hide you from everyone else?

Ali: because both, I can definitely make both happen 😁😁

Johnny: Both then

Ali: you’ll really come

Ali: and you’ll really let me dress you

Johnny: You’ve my word

Ali: and you’re not JUST coming to keep an eye on your brother

Ali: can be the first reason but I’ll be a bit offended if it’s the only, like

Johnny: He’d stay at my elbow, and with the convincing of an elder who don’t take much, his earned drink at our finish would turn into a lock in 

Johnny: but I’ve got reason to make other plans

Ali: You’ve been away too much

Johnny: Your need to miss me has gone on too long

Ali: I’ll not have to be from you longer than that when we’re married 

Ali: I can come with you on long jobs, can’t I 

Johnny: Family men don’t take on long jobs, when we’re married you won’t have to worry yourself where I am

Ali: That makes sense

Ali: you know I trust you, I’ve never even considered otherwise

Johnny: You’ve knowing I’ll never give you cause not to, smart girl

Ali: Tell me why

Johnny: I’m committed to you

Ali: And you love me

Johnny: And I love you, Ali

Ali: I’m not used to hearing it yet

Ali: you’ll have to put up with me asking you to say it for a little bit longer, maybe forever

Johnny: Maybe I’ll say it more

Ali: I’ll earn it

Ali: not all my ideas are this bad

Johnny: You’ve earned what I’ve told you before about the no maybe in getting used to you, the idea it goes both ways can’t be bad

Johnny: your party neither or I wouldn’t come

Ali: If I woke up from bumping my head in the psych ward car park, I’d be crushed but maybe not surprised 

Ali: everything about you is too good to be true

Johnny: Now I’ll have to crush you with my body ‘til you feel the weight of how true this is in my soul

Ali: You might get stuck to me

Ali: your name keeps opening up

Johnny: I might chain us to each other, you’ve given the chance with your good thinking

Ali: I really will swallow that key

Johnny: I’d let you without jealousy of it

Ali: You’ve no need of jealousy when it’s all about you

Johnny: I’ve some for that key being inside you but it’s for the good so’s we can’t be pulled apart

Ali: I’ll just have to find us a corner of my house you’ve not seen yet and you can be

Ali: that’s why this is a costume party

Johnny: Only you’d recognise us anywhere and you mean to prove it

Ali: Yeah

Ali: in every life too, I told you, I know you

Johnny: I remember all you tell me

Ali: I know, I talk too much

Ali: but you’re the only one I listen to

Johnny: Your talk’s company for me

Johnny: he’s stubborn in his silence

Ali: Might he talk to Ronan, it might be something embarrassing but he’d not mind telling him

Johnny: Do you know what it might be?

Ali: like I said, could be that girl

Ali: I don’t know that I’d want to talk to my big brother about that

Johnny: He can bring any of his troubles to me, that’s the use of big brothers, what I’m for

Ali: Of course you’d be there for him whatever

Ali: but I’m saying I might feel that’s not a good enough reason to bother mine with, or a big sister ‘cos I’m a girl, whatever

Johnny: It’s no bother unless the girl makes herself one

Ali: I’ve told my brother to make sure she doesn’t, she was only a bit too keen to his indifferent 

Johnny: Right

Ali: I don’t know, I only have guesses

Johnny: Guesses not a guess

Johnny: What else might it be?

Ali: I mean, the other day he had to help Carly out with this guy, one of her ma’s

Ali: I dunno, it was a while ago but maybe because Carly is in the chat and will be at the party he’s thinking on it again?

Johnny: Why’s this the 1st I’m hearing of his helping her?

Johnny: was it when I was away or here?

Ali: She didn’t tell me ‘til after, and the guy didn’t do anything, he ran off so no one got hurt

Ali: it was around his birthday

Johnny: You didn’t tell me at all

Ali: I didn’t know that I should

Johnny: ‘Course you should he’s my brother

Ali: If he’d been hurt or in trouble, ‘course I would

Ali: but it wasn’t like that, he just did the decent thing of not leaving her alone with some creep

Johnny: It’ll be her he don’t want there, he’s on edge for her acting up again and the trouble she brings

Ali: There won’t be any trouble at mine

Ali: under the eye of my mammy, remember 

Johnny: Hers needs taking in hand

Ali: By who

Johnny: We can’t have men of that sort ‘round

Ali: No one wants that, Carly more than anyone

Johnny: Your pal Carly’s after attention more than anyone

Johnny: but I’ll see to it my sisters, cousins and nieces aren’t put in harm's way for that ‘van’s lawless carry on

Ali: Bartley already did

Johnny: He saw to him not her mammy, who’s the real problem

Ali: How are you going to sort her

Johnny: What’s to be done with her is for the elders to decide

Johnny: but she’s been warned, they’re sure to have her out

Ali: You think?

Johnny: There’s no one lower than men who go for kids and she’s as wrong for turning her blind eye

Ali: I know that

Johnny: Enough’s enough

Ali: I dread to think how long it’s been going on

Johnny: Exactly

Ali: Where’s the end for Carly though

Johnny: She’s no business living here, mine’s protecting my family that do while I’m still on site to

Ali: I’m not saying it's your job to

Johnny: I wouldn’t see her hurt, I told you

Ali: I just wish her ma cared

Johnny: It’s not your job to mammy her, good as you are

Ali: Someone has to or what happens to her

Johnny: What does when we leave? 

Ali: I can still talk to her

Johnny: It’s best they’re away before we are, the timing’s a blessing

Ali: A blessing for who?

Johnny: You, Ronan, all the girls of my family I’m leaving behind, Moses even

Ali: It helps clear your conscience for leaving

Johnny: You aren’t going to have no time to help her when you’ve proper babies to look after

Ali: I will, because I won’t have to work too

Johnny: It’s full time work not your paper round

Ali: Yeah but I’d be expected to get a proper job on top of it too if I wasn’t with you, is my point

Johnny: You’re expected to give your all to it, by me

Johnny: messing with Carly don’t fit into your day

Ali: What, you don’t believe I will now

Johnny: Well, will you?

Johnny: or do you care more for your life how it is now

Ali: I can’t believe you’re actually asking me that

Johnny: If you’re not ready, that answers why there’s no baby yet

Ali: Make it my fault

Johnny: You can’t keep a foot in, we’re both making sacrifices to get what we want

Ali: Yeah, we are

Ali: and you’re leaving a solid family behind whilst mine is barely hanging on by a thread

Ali: this could be the final straw, do you understand that

Johnny: Carly isn’t your family, you’ve known her a summer

Ali: She doesn’t have one

Johnny: You can’t give us both a new family of our own and you chose me

Ali: I know what I chose

Ali: it’s you who’s unconvinced

Johnny: I’m convinced it’s best she goes and you let her

Ali: It isn’t remotely up to me

Johnny: You know what decisions are yours

Ali: I know

Johnny: There’s no getting to have your cake and eat it

Ali: Because it’s all about me and what I want

Johnny: God tests us, he is

Ali: You don’t trust me like you said you did

Johnny: You didn’t tell me about this

Ali: I’m not trying to get between you and your brother, that’s how it felt

Johnny: It feels as if you don’t trust me neither

Ali: I trust you

Ali: I know how you feel about Carly so I don’t bring her up

Johnny: You knew I’d act to keep everyone safe and kept it to yourself to keep her here

Ali: That’s bullshit, the guy was dealt with, that was the end of it as far as I was concerned

Johnny: That 1 were, but it’s not the end and by god it’s important

Ali: There’s a reason she’s not been kicked out yet, clearly

Ali: like I said, she hasn’t just started to be like this

Johnny: Reason being there’s ways enough for men to be disgraces without anyone reckoning ‘em to be a danger to kids like that

Ali: Come on, this is not the first time that a man she’s brought back has been a blatant creep, not even since I met them

Johnny: I’ve not been keeping the eye on things I should then

Ali: There are as many who’d not have it be your business, to leave them well alone, there has to be for them to still be here

Johnny: If Bartley’d have it be his, it’s mine

Ali: He just saw, they were outside

Ali: she didn’t ask him to any more than he went looking to be a hero

Johnny: As you said, he did the decent thing

Ali: Yeah

Johnny: But without saying a word to me either

Ali: He knows how you feel about her too

Johnny: And?

Johnny: What does he feel for her to suddenly owe the loyalty of his mouth shut?

Ali: I imagine he just didn’t want to deal with the hassle of telling anyone

Ali: why piss you off if he can avoid it

Johnny: No

Ali: What do you mean, no?

Johnny: I’m no eejit

Ali: No, they haven’t, Jesus Christ

Ali: He would never

Johnny: She would and does

Ali: It’s irrelevant if he’s no interest

Johnny: Anyone can be lead into temptation

Ali: That’s what I am now

Johnny: This isn’t about you and me

Ali: I’m not stupid either

Johnny: Have you not been telling me of this too?

Ali: There’s nothing for me to tell

Johnny: Christ Almighty

Ali: You’ve made your mind up to see me in the worst light

Ali: How can it be keeping a secret when I don’t see it as one

Johnny: You’ve a mind to protect her instead of talking to me

Ali: If I was protecting anyone it’d be you

Johnny: From what?

Ali: From getting hurt, from putting yourself in the middle of all this when no one else will do anything else about it, again

Johnny: Someone has to

Ali: You aren’t in charge here, there’s all the people above you, they’d need to decide to act

Johnny: I’m in charge of my brother & he’s who’ll be hurt by how she acts

Ali: If he’s told her no, it’s the end of it

Johnny: And if he’s not, I’ll knock the sense into him to put an end to it, same as Moses

Ali: Do you think that’s what stopped him

Johnny: Don’t tell me you think you know better than me

Ali: He just got bored and moved on to another target

Johnny: & she’s my little brother in her sights now, like

Ali: There’s nothing I can say to make you feel better

Ali: I’d tell her to back off but she already has and you reckon on doing it yourself so

Johnny: Thanks a million

Ali: For fuck’s sake

Johnny: On you go and warn your pal Carly I’m onto her, that’s what you do

Ali: Now you just sound fucking ridiculous 

Johnny: Maybe ‘cause you’re out to make a fucking fool of me

Ali: Why would I do that, why would I want that

Johnny: I don’t know

Johnny: I reckoned I knew what you wanted

Ali: You’re the one who’s changed their mind

Johnny: Don’t make it my fault you’ve so many secrets

Ali: Because any of that compares to you thinking there’s no baby and thinking it’s my fault

Ali: all whilst playing along

Johnny: You have to be sure or there won’t be

Ali: Am I meant to dignify that with a response

Johnny: Yeah, you are

Ali: I’ve given you everything, told you everything I want

Johnny: But giving her up

Ali: I’m giving everyone up to be with you, that’s what it means, us leaving, for both of us

Johnny: I wasn’t just playing along

Johnny: I pray there’s a baby, that there’ll be 13 each of them as we’ve both said

Ali: But you don’t think there is

Johnny: It feels like everything’s going to shit and we’ve not even left yet, how’ll they be when I’m away

Ali: If you’ve changed your mind about going

Johnny: No

Ali: I always knew you’d struggle

Johnny: You know how important you are to me

Ali: So’s your family

Ali: if you make it so I’m trying to change that then you’re going to resent me

Johnny: I had no reason to reckon he had need of me still but here I am faced with it

Ali: You’ll do what you have to do

Johnny: I can’t do right by everyone but I have to

Ali: Do you know why my sister starves herself

Johnny: Why?

Ali: Because we got separated 

Ali: don’t tell me I’m not sure when I know what making that permanent means

Johnny: It’s not meant to be this much of a struggle when we’re doing what we and God want

Ali: It isn’t God’s will, it’s everyone else's

Ali: you can’t control theirs any more than me staying would stop her, it’s what she says but it’s not true, not now

Johnny: I’m at fault, I don’t have the strong will we need

Ali: You do

Johnny: How can you say so?

Ali: You’ve done so much no one would think you could already, I’ve seen it

Johnny: I’ve done the unthinkable letting you believe I doubt you when really I doubt myself

Ali: you’re allowed to be torn, to understand what’s at stake, you need to 

Johnny: I’m not to tear at you

Ali: Do you feel like we don’t talk though, really

Johnny: We talk, it’s him who don’t to us

Ali: I’m sorry, I know how that must feel

Johnny: Your sister’s starving herself you know worse

Ali: I can’t make her stop, I don’t know how, if it’s possible

Johnny: Some things can’t be up to you

Ali: Back at you, boy

Johnny: Don’t you talk back to me, girl

Ali: 😏

Johnny: What are we to do?

Ali: There’s only one decision for you to make tonight

Johnny: Is there?

Ali: Yeah

Ali: are you coming to my party or are you not

Johnny: Would you still have me?

Ali: You know the answer

Johnny: You need an eye kept on you too, mine

Ali: I knew you didn’t trust me, like

Johnny: Your body’s got my baby inside it, I trust nobody near you

Ali: Then you know where you need to be

Johnny: [send her a pic of chain and padlocks that you ofc have because what you said before about chaining yourselves together]

Johnny: I stand by it

Ali: I hate fighting with you

Johnny: It’s as hard being back as the job I went away with were, the work of everyone

Ali: There’s no going back to before you, before us

Johnny: Been talk from my daddy today for me to take another on, same as before

Ali: What are you thinking?

Johnny: I don’t want to but there’s no telling him

Ali: what you get for doing your job so well

Ali: Is it longer

Johnny: Double the time sent off but so’s the money

Ali: We’ll lose the key then

Johnny: And get lost ourselves

Ali: You only just got back

Ali: what am I meant to do with myself if you leave

Johnny: I can’t

Ali: We’ll go

Johnny: We’ve only [and however much money he has saved as if the total isn’t enough when we all know it’s loads but I get it]

Ali: I could come on your job with you

Johnny: [tell her who else is coming with you, not any of these boys obvs except maybe Moses if we wanna be really mean haha, but if not literally his dad who maybe is, which full shade to you sir if you are cos what I said about family men, then some other fam which means she cannot]

Ali: Obviously I’d have to stay nearby

Johnny: Be a brave little girl

Ali: Do you just want space

Johnny: Do you want to take our ‘van to stay in? You’d be safe

Ali: Yes

Johnny: [talk about whatever you’d need to sort to make that a possibility like okay then this is what we’re gonna do]

Johnny: I’ll let you help

Ali: Can we

Ali: I won’t leave, make a sound

Johnny: I told you everybody else has forgot where it is and wouldn’t notice it move if it did

Johnny: God’s in the mood to test us, we’ll test that

Ali: No one is going to notice

Ali: and I can look after you

Johnny: They’d never recognise it neither, all we’ve busied ourselves with

Ali: It’s our home

Ali: and I’ll [some job that you’ve been meaning to do] before we leave

Johnny: Do you reckon you’ll feel the baby before we leave?

Ali: I want to, more than anything

Johnny: [tell her about some cute gypsy things girls do when they wanna get pregnant/think they might be and wanna find out/give themselves good vibes, because if they don’t exist I’m saying they do in your fam anyway cos I can, that you shouldn’t even know about cos you’re a boy but you’ve heard your sisters and healer nan we’ve mentioned before talking]

Ali: I like those

Ali: I’ll try them out, show you how it goes if it does

Johnny: I love you

Ali: I love you

Ali: don’t doubt it again

Johnny: Is tonight like Christmas, if I’ve got something to give you?

Ali: Technically only Santa needs to, if I’ve been good

Ali: but I want to know what you’ve got for me

Johnny: It’s just an idea for the now but it’ll be proper and yours by the time you’ve dressed us as him if that’s what & who you’ve a mind to

Ali: You’ve the chains and I’ve already started on your mask

Ali: save it for the 25th

Johnny: Month of December or no I’ll have you in my lap sure enough

Ali: No need for a bribe

Ali: I should be there now

Johnny: What time’s your party start?

Ali: [tell him whenever that may be]

Ali: but I have to tell you something that might make you not want to come

Johnny: Go on

Ali: Ronan is asking loads of questions about my boyfriend

Johnny: Ah, come on, he can ask loads more and have no clue still I am

Ali: I mean

Ali: I’ve done my best to put him off anyway

Johnny: Ignore Ronan, I need you

Ali: You’ve got my full attention

Johnny: As I ought, we’ve that in common

Johnny: try as I might to be a decent brother

Ali: That’s my fault, should’ve let you go ages ago

Johnny: When I’ve to see a man about what I’m giving you, not before

Ali: Sounds dodgy 😏

Johnny: You’d quit being a messer if your surprise was the pet you was after

Johnny: and it beats that

Ali: Do I get three guesses?

Johnny: What’ll happen if you get and spoil it with your guessing?

Ali: You’ve surely got a good poker face

Ali: but okay, I’ll not guess out loud

Johnny: What they say

Ali: but I’ve seen you 😁

Johnny: You’ve seen me in each of my different moods

Ali: I love you in all of them

Johnny: If you guess something s’not but I’ve then the knowing you want, I’d have to source you that as well

Ali: True, I can’t be spoilt

Johnny: You can but I don’t know there’s time before [whatever time she said the party starts] for 3 more

Ali: What am I going to get you before the party starts, that’s the real question

Johnny: Get to [the name of the pub they were in on Bartley’s bday and hence she knows the way] when you’re told

Ali: I might look even less conspicuous this time 

Ali: not a night for white

Johnny: Dress yourself in [something of his that he has left behind either when he was away or on one of the occasions he’s seen her since, soz mcvickers, because no need to wear her party ootn yet and give him spoilers]

Ali: 🥺

Ali: will you take it back with you, it’s losing the smell of you with how much I’ve worn it and slept with it

Johnny: Whatever you need

Ali: you

Johnny: [give her a time to be at this pub for because you know that there will be a million people there to distract your brother as always even though it’s not his bday this time]

Ali: I’ll leave at [a time that is blatantly too early because we know what we’re saying]

Johnny: That’s my girl

Ali: Remembering it is just as important as keeping an eye on your brother

Johnny: More, he’s bigger than you

Ali: For now, yeah

Johnny: Have to buy yourself proper clothes then

Ali: I’ll borrow yours

Johnny: I’ll take you shopping too

Ali: We can buy the baby things

Ali: it’s tiny clothes

Johnny: My nephews already borrowed my clothes from being their ages

Ali: did your grandma knit you things, when you were newborn

Johnny: [tell her about the slay outfits because you can’t show her photos or point out on any babies which are yours never mind ask for them back to give to this jali baby like you’ll get to when Sophie Turner is popping kids out]

Ali: Such a grandma way to show love

Ali: I can knit well enough, I’ll make a set

Johnny: [tell her your secret lingo word for this nan who is clearly iconic because love to teach her]

Ali: [voice note you trying to say it back]

Ali: do your nieces and nephews call your ma something different?

Johnny: [voice note it back so she knows how to say it 100% and also whatever cute thing your mum is called because she defs has her own, excuse us to his brother lol I imagine you going inside pretending to look for a tool or whatever so you could do this]

Ali: [excuse us indeed, just having a little learning sesh, sorry it’s cute and we wish to be included though we cannot be]

Johnny: [honestly, tell her some cute stories of you as a baby too because it’s horrible that she can’t join your fam and be welcomed like your mother clearly was when he obvs has such a close fam]

Ali: I know you were just the cutest baby

Johnny: Your enemy would call us weird looking to be sure

Ali: I was such an 👽

Ali: we’ll still love it, even when it’s all head and eyes

Johnny: They’ll be no prouder mammy and daddy around

Ali: It’s all I need

Ali: I didn’t think I was sad before but I don’t know, nothing has ever made me this happy, just you

Johnny: Elders would say our baby’s got eyes like that ‘cause it’ll have the sight when grown, maybe all 26 of ‘em will

Johnny: [tell her the gypsy word ofc and more about what that means]

Ali: 26 psychic babies might leave us in trouble

Ali: no secrets to be had ever

Ali: but this one is special, I can feel it

Johnny: My mammy felt it in us, she’s said

Johnny: means this 1 is a boy

Ali: She was right

Ali: why he has to be named for you

Johnny: [tell her how many generations your name goes back cos we all know it isn’t just your father]

Johnny: they’ve all carried his name for him

Ali: your history will be our children’s

Ali: I don’t change that being true

Johnny: And yours

Johnny: I don’t want to take it from you along with your daddy’s name

Ali: Don’t make me cry

Johnny: You matter, you know

Ali: You make me feel it

Johnny: The baby is as much a part of you, your blood and your history, as mine

Ali: We’re giving them a history that includes us, making our blood

Johnny: I shouldn’t have doubted we can do it

Ali: I understand, even if I don’t fully agree

Ali: I don’t want to keep things from you, I hate the feeling, actually

Johnny: It’s not you, I’ve had no peace

Ali: You’re being stressed from all areas

Johnny: Your little girl party has come at the perfect time

Ali: And if you do go on this next job, double the work won’t feel like it with me helping you

Johnny: I’d be lost without your help

Ali: You’ll never be without me

Johnny: You’re with me

Johnny: I’ve stood taller for it ever since

Ali: My man

Ali: I knew it was you, soon as I met you

Johnny: You’ve some sight in you, is it?

Ali: Or whatever’s magic in you glows or something

Ali: It was like a pull, to be near you, no bullshit

Johnny: So’s your plan for us to glow tonight with the mask you’re making?

Ali: Would you wear it

Ali: if it wasn’t suitably tough for you, which it is, of course, I’m nice

Johnny: Maybe

Ali: 😍😍😍😍

Ali: You always look so good, it’d be rude if you weren’t mine

Johnny: It’d be cruel if you weren’t

Ali: It felt like dying being around you [when y’all broke up in that period, we all remember]

Johnny: It killed me knowing I’d hurt you

Ali: It feels longer ago than it is, years, how far we’ve come

Ali: you’ve more than made it up to me since, now you say it back, say it first too

Johnny: I’ve been made different by you, I feel years older than I was but not in the way my daddy has us carry being his eldest boy like a weight

Ali: like you’re capable

Johnny: My jaw aches with what I’m not capable of telling him

Johnny: for how heavy it is when he might be the one who’s wrong but it’s mine to keep hold of still

Ali: I can’t see the future well enough to say anything in definites 

Ali: but we’ll all of us still be living, if his mind is to change, he’s got the opportunity to tell you so

Johnny: I’d have him know our future as we see it

Johnny: have all of them know you as I do

Ali: I know it, even if it can never happen, I believe you

Ali: you aren’t interested in treating me like a dirty secret, I gave you chance to

Johnny: You aren’t dirty

Johnny: and I believe my mammy, my sisters, the babies of both, would love you as I do

Ali: I would love all of them too

Ali: your parents will want to meet your son, regardless of how they feel about us

Johnny: Once we’re married you’ll belong to me and we’ll be sworn to each other in front of God, they can’t turn their back on you unless they turn from both of us

Ali: I think about it every day

Ali: everything else is so unimportant, the fact no one knows about us, I just want to declare it to the priest and to God and whoever else is there to hear it

Johnny: How many days ‘til your birthday?

Ali: [we’re just a little over 2 months here so whatever that is in days, not long in the grand scheme but you’re extra so it feels like forever]

Ali: +10 for yours, I’ve stalked you

Johnny: I’ll book us a 14 day honeymoon, be the only present I’ve need of

Ali: where shall we take the ‘van?

Johnny: I’d say [somewhere that has meaning to his fam] but we’ve got to start traditions of our own

Ali: We could do [however much of the coast you think you could in 14 days because ocean girly]

Ali: why stay in one place when ours comes with us wherever we want to be

Johnny: We will

Johnny: [and ofc talk about how much you could feasibly do in more detail like how many miles this caravan can do to the gallon etc and how many hours you could drive per day with what those specific roads are like, like you’re already planning a realistic lil itinerary of where and when]

Ali: [nerd out too because you’re so well suited and both about this life]

Ali: we’ll bring the bike too, of course

Johnny: Before there’s too many of us to fit at 28

Ali: a couple safe between us, that’s okay

Johnny: Problem is, no daughter of mine would be let on a bike but sure, a daughter of yours has her place there

Ali: Only with her daddy protecting her is the perfect compromise is it not

Johnny: Good answer

Ali: It’s how I want it too, them to be protected by you as I am

Johnny: No one’ll be more than yous are

Ali: And you’re capable, as capable as I make you feel

Ali: work you’re born for is the right work and the right works to be more rewarding than it ever is taxing, even with a wife and 26 babies

Johnny: It’s no work, more a calling

Ali: my 🧜‍♀️ call to you

Johnny: I’m as pulled to you as you are to me

Ali: we’re meant

Johnny: I put my life in God’s hands and he put you in mine

Ali: There’s no place else I want to be

Johnny: You’ll leave at [an earlier time than she said because he’s saying he wants to meet earlier]

Ali: Do you miss me as bad as I miss you?

Johnny: How bad do you miss me?

Ali: I’m ignoring everyone else

Ali: your [the clothing he has left] feels more and more like you on me the longer I’m missing you

Johnny: The bike feels the same, less mine more ours

Ali: I hope you know you’re never allowed to get rid

Johnny: I know I can’t

Ali: The only good thing about being stuck at my parent’s house so much is getting to remember all the times you’ve been before

Johnny: We’ve both to make the most of the time with our families before we go

Ali: Yeah, we do

Johnny: But yeah, I miss you

Ali: [send him a pic of you rocking his clothes like miss me more]

Johnny: No, I do more for being shown that

Johnny: you’re hurting me

Ali: You hurt I hurt and back the other way, I needed you to feel it with me

Johnny: I’ll show you how bad I hurt, will I?

Johnny: [and send her a pic exactly like you did on your brother’s bday in that convo, sneakily taken in a bathroom the same way but obvs his not the pub this time cos he’s not there yet]

Ali: Fuck

Ali: how are you meant to focus on anything else when you could be that and me

Johnny: What are we to do?

Ali: I’ll meet you [even earlier than your new time]

Johnny: ‘Til then, you like photos to keep & I’ve loved looking at the ones you sent touching yourself

Johnny: I’ll send some back

Ali: I need no encouragement to do it again for you but I need to see you doing that

Johnny: [do send her some because her doing it was one of the convos I re-read the other day but he never has just the one pic I mentioned a sec ago which is now 2 so we love to see the progression of content occurring]

Ali: and I can really keep them

Johnny: You have to

Ali: I’m obsessed with you

Ali: [just be here sending pictures back that are very much your reaction to his as it were]

Johnny: Doing things without you feels wronger and wronger

Ali: I’ll do it and do it better

Ali: like you did for me, on the bike

Johnny: I’ll open up your other palm to make you swear you’ll never stop

Ali: I can’t stop

Ali: I’ve only bled for you

Johnny: You’ll bleed more for the baby but that’s as it should be

Ali: I’m not scared

Ali: not scared enough to not want it, anyway

Johnny: You’re not to be

Johnny: even if we can’t be with her, I’ll find out how [his nan’s gypsy lingo name] rids you of the pain

Ali: Will you be with me?

Johnny: It’s not usual but I don’t care, I’ll stay to watch over you

Ali: We have to meet him at the same time

Johnny: What they say is babies keep on their crying to fetch their daddies in from out the pub

Johnny: I’d have him open his eyes to me without asking where I am

Ali: That’s the sort of daddy you are

Ali: it’s why I love you so much

Johnny: I’ll not leave you if it takes [a horrific amount of time] like it did for my eldest sister for her 1st

Ali: Poor girl

Ali: the things we have to do for our children

Johnny: They’re meant to hurry themselves the more you push out but all hers are slow to come

Ali: [just regale him with your mother’s birth stories ‘cos she would have you and she’s had enough children to have wild variation lol]

Johnny: [add in your other sisters that apply even if it’s just the other older than you one in comparison and the 2 younger aren’t old enough/haven’t yet, age depending]

Ali: I’ll do it fast for you

Ali: no messing

Johnny: He’ll come in his own time, neither of us have say

Ali: Hmm

Ali: 😒 but I want to meet him already

Johnny: I can’t wait myself

Ali: but we’ll be patient, make sure all his things are ready

Johnny: Only the best for him

Ali: he’ll want for nothing

Johnny: Nor you, starting tonight

Ali: When do you ever leave me wanting?

Ali: aside from the bad time

Johnny: Now, I can feel how you’re wanting

Ali: You can feel what I’m missing too

Ali: your hands are so much rougher than mine, what do you like more

Johnny: Yours are half the size, everything of you’s small

Ali: You like it

Ali: like I like that you’re big

Johnny: He’ll keep small to fit and not hurt you so much

Ali: But I promise I’ll fully cook him, do the job right

Johnny: It’s your calling, no work

Johnny: your body knows what to do

Ali: It’s what my body has always wanted

Ali: it physically hurts when you pull out, the few times you have

Johnny: I’ll never again

Ali: Promise, say it’s for me

Johnny: Unless you tell us the other way round hurts

Ali: I don’t hate it when you cum on me

Ali: time and a place but as long as you’ve already cum in me once already you can do what you like

Johnny: I swear

Ali: Must be in the mood to make you make all kinds of vows

Ali: I don’t think any priest would appreciate that one though so best it’s out the way

Johnny: [do it in gypsy lingo too like that means it’s really out of the way]

Ali: [try and copy him but you’re too !! and giggly about it to be saying this well at all]

Johnny: [send her audio of you tutting how you like to do but it’s more to be hot than because you’re actually mad about it, then saying it slow and with all the !! again moreso to be extra and daddy about this]

Ali: [do a better job about it purely because of this energy, of course you are still clearly turned on but you know]

Johnny: You’ll feel it’s your own tongue soon, speak it like you’ve been born to it as he has

Ali: I’ve been practising 

Ali: when we leave, you can speak to me in only that tongue, be the best way to learn

Johnny: Good

Ali: [say good back in the lingo as if it’s a test and you’re going to pass lol]

Johnny: You’ve a ear for it

Ali: It reminds me of slang I’ve learnt here and in Liverpool

Ali: and learning Irish in school

Johnny: [tell her more about the roots and history of it etc like a lil nerd]

Ali: You tell stories so well

Ali: I can’t bear being taught by anyone else, how do you do this

Johnny: My favourite thing about my daddy’s how he keeps and passes on stories, I’ve tried to learn from him

Ali: I reckon he’d be impressed

Johnny: It’s important, they’re alive thanks to the telling

Ali: You should know where you’re from, the who, it matters

Johnny: Plenty’s trouble is they don’t

Ali: Some need to forget but in the long run, does no favours

Johnny: I’m bringing your sister [something he asked his nan for cos in one of their earlier convos he said he would but then he’s clearly been distracted since but what she said about why Ro starves herself earlier in this one has reminded him], I’ve no forgot

Ali: I really appreciate it

Ali: she has, us getting to spend some more time together, I think

Johnny: [tell her what to do with these things, it’s giving healing herbs to make her drink in a tea and some kind of talisman to make her wear/sneak under her pillow, cos old school romany culture is big on both of those, they love a talisman/good luck charm especially]

Ali: She’ll think that’s interesting 

Ali: she loves to learn, especially about religion and rituals

Johnny: I remember, she’s a believer

Ali: we poisoned the girl together

Johnny: Girl’s poison herself

Johnny: an eye for an eye

Ali: you don’t have to hate her for me, it’s ancient history

Ali: but I love you for it

Johnny: It’s new to me & I’m not letting her off

Johnny: sorry for herself’s never sorry to you

Ali: I won’t complain, ruining her front yard was pretty fun

Johnny: Some don’t repent on their own

Ali: and you’re the hottest when you get all biblical

Johnny: You haven’t need to forgive her before we go but she’ll beg you to, sure enough

Ali: So long as you save all this talk for me, or she will definitely think you’re flirting with her

Johnny: Loose ends are all to be tied up before we away, she’ll reckon she’s the disgrace she shows herself to be

Ali: You’ll sort my little girl drama for me

Johnny: When I’m at yours in my mask I’ll [some more acts of vandalism on her house like writing something across the front door and walls in paint, also covering and taking her dad’s car to literal pieces so it doesn’t work etc etc]

Ali: Oh my God 😻

Ali: let me help you

Johnny: You and your friends stay in your mammy’s sight and don’t leave it while I’m busy, let none of the blame fall on yous

Ali: You’ll not be caught

Johnny: I’m in the right, she’s in the wrong

Johnny: I don’t live by laws but that 1

Ali: It’s the only one that actually matters

Ali: you’re doing right by me

Johnny: I have to

Ali: I have to fuck you in her daddy’s car

Johnny: I’ll tell you when

Ali: I’ll stay where I can be seen until then, behave for you

Johnny: I know it

Ali: Know there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you

Johnny: Come to me

Johnny: [whatever time they said which was already made earlier]’s too long a wait

Ali: On my way

Ali: if I end up crawling on my hands and knees so be it

Johnny: Can be a race for [this pub he is also on his way to rn]

Ali: If I win…?

Johnny: I’ll get on my hands and knees

Ali: You’re on

Johnny: Be on your way

Ali: [prove you’re getting out the door, ‘scuse us everyone else]

Johnny: [write ILY in gypsy lingo cos you’re likewise out the door and can’t do a voice note in front of your brother]

Ali: [write down ILY + ‘more’ in the lingo] 

Johnny: [concentrate on driving you and your brother to the pub so you don’t die please cos you’re distracted enough without talking to her the entire time too, we all know you’re gonna win this ‘race’ cos it’s your local for a reason including it's near the site so send her a pic of your pint when you’ve got them in lol]

Ali: Cheater

Johnny: Don’t be sore before you’ve started crawling

Ali: You only had to say you needed me on my hands and knees more 

Johnny: You don’t need telling what I’m after from you

Ali: I’m still looking at the pictures

Ali: you made it so clear for me 

Johnny: Be made clearer when you look at us

Ali: I’m going as fast as I can, cheater

Ali: you enjoy your pint

Johnny: Call me cheater 1 more time and see what happens to you

Ali: Don’t tempt me

Johnny: Don’t you tempt me

Ali: That’s what I’m good for

Ali: haven’t I always tempted you?

Johnny: I’m not for patience, hurry yourself before I’m tempted to find you

Ali: I like that about you 

Ali: and I promise I’m already going as fast as I can

Johnny: How fast?

Johnny: [and like a protective dad tell her what speed she is allowed to go]

Ali: but 

Ali: I’ll have to slow down then

Johnny: So be it

Ali: You’re so cute 

Ali: can I call you that?

Johnny: [a gypsy lingo word for cute in the sense of a baby or a puppy] or [the different hotter vibe lol]?

Ali: Both

Ali: you’re everything

Johnny: You’ll learn everything

Ali: I knew [the hotter version] and I’ve heard [the cute one] said over little ones when I’ve been visiting

Johnny: You’ve kept an ear out as long as I’ve known you, I used to get angry about it but now

Ali: I’m not just nosy

Ali: you know it’s not curiosity for the sake of

Johnny: I know what it were for the sake of, so

Ali: I didn’t hide it from you from the off

Johnny: True enough, nobody could say you’re not upfront for a girl

Ali: For a girl?

Ali: when it was me who started this

Johnny: I started it, I’ve told you

Ali: You have told me, yeah

Johnny: You’re welcome for it being told to you again

Ali: I don’t care, as long as you’re mine

Johnny: I am, there’s an easy promise to keep to

Ali: The easiest, there’s no one else it could be

Johnny: We’re meant, like you said

Ali: No one else exists when you’re around me

Johnny: I’m the same as you in having sight for only you

Ali: [send him your location to let him know how soon he can actually have eyes on you]

Johnny: [tell her a new speed she can go that’s a bit faster but still deemed safe by you]

Ali: remember how fast you went in [wherever y’all were when you ran away for that moment]

Johnny: Get it out your head, you’re never to go that fast

Ali: Why not

Johnny: You’re in too delicate of a condition

Johnny: you’ve got to be careful with what you do

Ali: I’ll be in a delicate condition ‘til I’m an old woman 

Johnny: You’ll be needed ‘til you go to your grave

Ali: so will you

Johnny: Not like a mammy is

Ali: Yes so

Ali: that’ll be different in our family 

Johnny: Oh, will it now?

Ali: I need you forever, for starters

Ali: and so will the babies, yeah

Johnny: You’ll be provided for forever, the money’ll stay in a hiding place you’re told of

Ali: I’m not talking about money

Johnny: I’m not intending to go to my grave yet, like

Ali: You’re as important, you, not your money

Johnny: It’ll be worked out different if that’s how we want it

Johnny: you already know I care for the babies of my family more than the men usually will

Ali: You shouldn’t feel disposable, or that that’s your only worth, it just isn’t

Ali: do you want it to be different?

Johnny: I’d want to do it my mammy’s way more than my da’s and uncles, tradition or no

Ali: then that’s what we’ll do

Johnny: We’ll do what we feel’s right, find our own way

Johnny: but she’s given us a starting point

Ali: I believe in us, that we want the same thing

Johnny: Sun’s trying to come out, that to do with you or God?

Ali: Bit of both

Ali: he is on my side, after-all

Johnny: I believe in you both

Ali: That’s got to be the loveliest thing anyone has ever said to me

Johnny: You’ve an answer for everything, best I’ve at least some of my own

Ali: You’ve always seemed like you’ve the words to me

Ali: even when they weren’t the ones I was after hearing

Johnny: You’ve tempted me to say them even when I ought not

Ali: your secrets safe with me

Johnny: I don’t know how it’s still secret, what I feel for you

Ali: Me either

Ali: especially with your cousin giving me the third-degree

Johnny: You’re too smart for Ronan’s own good

Johnny: my brother has sense though, or so I reckoned before spending [however long] with him for the lad to notice nothing changed of me

Ali: Would he necessarily ask you if he did?

Johnny: He can ask me anything

Ali: Can doesn’t mean will though

Johnny: ‘Course not

Ali: They aren’t big talkers, any of them

Johnny: Nor was I before you came ‘round talking too much

Ali: You can talk to me 

Ali: I know you like that, however much I say back

Johnny: I love it

Ali: Me too

Ali: you get me better than anyone else before

Johnny: You’re like no other girls before

Ali: I’m your girl

Johnny: My wife

Ali: distracting me

Johnny: I can’t help thinking of it

Ali: I feel bad, for how little I want to be here

Ali: but all I want is to be away and married to you

Johnny: I’ll be in church at Christmas with all my family but with my head full of you and the vows I want to make

Ali: I’m going to find the dress before then, gift to myself and future gift to you

Johnny: I’ll pray the baby don’t mean you’ll need another

Ali: Skin tight isn’t very church appropriate

Ali: there’ll be room to let him grow

Johnny: [tell her your weight when you were born but in a boy way not in lbs, like I was a bag of sugar idk for him cos he’s clearly bigger and healthier than baby Junie but you know the vibes, maybe he’s comparing himself to something mechanical]

Ali: 🥺

Ali: I was [and tell him], maybe he’ll be in the middle

Johnny: Whatever size he’s born we’ll grow him up big and strong to watch over his sisters and younger brothers

Ali: he’s you as his daddy, a natural is what he’ll be 

Johnny: You’ll be a natural with him, I can’t wait to watch you

Ali: I already love him

Ali: there’s so much to show and teach him and I can’t wait, 9 months is too long, seriously

Johnny: I’ll have to keep you busy teaching you things ‘til he’s ready

Ali: You will

Ali: you’re a good teacher

Johnny: It’s the student in you, how keen you are to be shown everything

Ali: I could see you knew what’s worth knowing

Johnny: Can you feel how bad I need to see you?

Ali: Show me again

Johnny: [do obviously because we love an exact pub toilet replica but this time the stall door isn’t being kicked in because it’s always busy but not special occasion busy, hence be more extra this time by sending her a lil video of how turned on you are so she can have the audio of how !! you are even when you’re not touching yourself other than to pose for this content]

Ali: I’ve got to stop

Ali: for safety and to hear you properly, fuck

Ali: I could meet you there

Johnny: Where?

Ali: In the stall, it’s not fair to have you move

Johnny: Will I lift you up through the window so nobody knows you’re here?

Ali: Will I fit?

Johnny: You’re still small enough for now

Ali: I’m not getting much bigger, even with a bump

Johnny: Be a perfect fit

Ali: You’ve thought of me there too much not to have me, however you need

Johnny: And you’ve seen how I’m waiting, heard the need I have

Ali: I’m trying to recover enough to run to you

Ali: it’s a necessity, to be with you and that close

Johnny: I’d run to you, much as it’d hurt

Johnny: missing you hurts more

Ali: I’m doing it, I’d do the impossible to be with you

Ali: us apart is wrong

Johnny: I’ll stay at your party all night

Ali: We can be together

Ali: you can claim me

Johnny: Sun might not come up tomorrow if we don’t keep God on side, he’s told us you’re mine, he wants me to

Ali: It’s the truth, even if we’re not telling it in full ‘til we’re away

Ali: feeling like a liar when I have to ignore you at parties isn’t right, not now

Johnny: It’s too late, we can’t

Ali: How can I ignore my whole world

Johnny: We’re no liars

Ali: This is such a good thing, we are, we can’t let it be corrupted like that

Johnny: Don’t worry yourself I’ll never let it happen

Johnny: you’re both too pure

Johnny: [and tell her the gypsy lingo word because they are big on the idea of clean vs polluted, esp for women unsurprisingly]

Ali: [repeat it back to him as a ? like have I said that right/do I get the vibe]

Johnny: When I’m in church I’ll ask that he’s as smart as his mammy

Ali: he’ll be as kind as you, as hard-working and fair

Johnny: You’re right, 9 months is ages

Ali: there’s no time for breaks with 26, at least

Johnny: There’ll be twins, you’ve good as promised with how they run on your daddy’s side

Ali: Are you concerned we’ll not be able to stop?

Johnny: We’ll stop at 13 if you’re tired, I haven’t concerns but your health

Ali: I won’t be tired, not of you nor babies

Johnny: Then we won’t trouble ourselves to stop

Ali: [a lil vid of your feet running like no stopping]

Johnny: [call her both versions of cute obvs, you gotta]

Ali: Until I show up 🥵

Johnny: We’ve taps I can run for you

Ali: It’s a start

Ali: a locked door is another

Johnny: Let me help you

Ali: Okay

Johnny: [give her deets for how she’s best to get to the toilet window he’s gonna help her through without getting spotted by random gypsy men]

Ali: [don’t reply but he’ll hear when you’re here moving bins under this window to get up to it]

Johnny: [help her up because any of the peeps you know in this pub could need a piss at any time there’s no telling, he’ll still be making out with her immediately though as soon as she’s high enough before she’s remotely properly through the window as if they have all the time in the world cos can’t and won’t be tamed]

Ali: [you’re going to fall through this window into him so ungracefully, no fucks given, likewise unbothered about anyone else but him in this moment as you’re making out and wrapping yourself around him only the tiniest bit for safety and almost all because ‘I missed you’ said into this kiss with a huge smile; only indication you’ve remembered you can’t just be out here like this is the fact you are at least attempting to makeout in the direction of the stall once you’ve found your footing enough]

Johnny: [we love to see it and we all know he’ll stop her from falling flat on her face because holding her and continuing this makeout sesh frantically as if he hasn’t seen her for a million years cos how it always feels, but he’s making no attempt to do anything except carry her towards these sink/s and run the tap for her like he said, picture the scene, sitting her on them and in the hottest move grabbing a fistful of her hair to 1. Break the kiss 2. Keep it out of the way for her and 3. Manoeuvre her head under the tap to drink from it so that she won’t touch the gross tap itself or gross basin bit cos I’m sure this lad’s bathroom in an exclusively gypsy bar is p grim]

Ali: [the noise you will make is in reality only loud enough for him to hear in a pub setting on any night but it feels so !! and uncontrollable to you that you have to focus all your energy on diligently DRINKING this water like your life truly depends on it, of course, you’re making the most insane EYE CONTACT the whole time from this position, you simply must]

Johnny: [maintaining this insane eye contact until he simply cannot/she simply could not drink any more water for what feels like forever because every second is so charged and !! (but isn’t actually) then pulling her away from the tap the same way he maneouvered her towards it aka via another hot hair pull and once again kissing her like his life depends on it, in such a messy way as if half the water cascaded down her face and he’s gotta clean her up even though he had her positioned so precisely that it could and did not, love that we’re still in no hurry to move into the privacy of a stall cos he is pulling her off the sink and back into his arms via whatever clothes of his she has borrowed to wear rn as this makeout continues but only cos he wants to be closer not cos they are on the move yet]

Ali: [just being the most reckless y’all have ever been, this girl loves to see it, even if subconsciously because no thinking is really happening right now, we all know, any sense of direction you vaguely had is gone the way of your sense, out here letting yourself be a full ragdoll about this because you want exactly what he wants and to be as close as is humanly possible]

Johnny: [mhmm he’s being a bold bad girl about this rn cos he’s happy to the point of feeling invincible thinking she’s preggo atm and they are gonna run away and get married on her bday in feb and that god is on board with all their plans which is not only heartbreaking to me personally knowing none of that is going to occur but dangerous to him personally here and now cos he’s being so reckless about everything as if he hasn’t left his brother playing pool or darts etc and there isn’t a full pub of peeps he knows on the other side of this bathroom door, but anyway, he’s playing with the key around her neck whilst they are being extra out in the open and refusing to be behind a locked door in a way that’s poetic cinema, and by being extra I mean he’s 100% touching his full ass name on her which might as well just be touching her indecently when they both always react the way they do about it]

Ali: [you should absolutely be the one reminding him considering you’d be the one being ignored if shit hit the fan but you just aren’t that girl and you aren’t capable so I’m soz, find us here struggling to breathe like you were winded by your running when it’s obviously this boy and what he’s barely doing and how much it means, placing your hand over his over this key, pausing to LOOK at him]

Johnny: [I’ll cut y’all both the slack of saying nobody needs a piss because neither of you have or can find chill in this moment when you’re this in love and in your bubble about it, case in point, catch him returning this LOOK and maintaining the key handhold while he pulls up her/his borrowed top (we idk what items of clothing of his she is rocking rn) to be KISSING her stomach DRAMATICALLY at the same time as still tracing his/this fictional son’s name, so his breathing is as extra as hers is]

Ali: [there could be some kind of match on lmao, no one wants to miss a second then, or you’ll just have to end up having this intense quickie against the main door so no one can get in because it’s clearly happening, didn’t come all this way both literally in distance and metaphorically in terms of progress to not; the way you’d be welling up about this is so upsetting, so soz we don’t let y’all have ANYTHING that you think you’re going to]

Johnny: [we are evil but at least jali are buzzing in this moment and don’t know we are, god bless this boy for turning this stomach makeout sesh into the inevitable eating her out moment we can all see coming as if he has all the time in the world/they aren’t out here still not in a stall, we love to see it, he’s literally getting on his knees like he said he would]

Ali: [so cinematic baby, no notes honestly, get your life lads, who cares about anyone in this whole town, not y’all I fear]

[monstermp3]

once again humans disappoint 💔 brb muting and archiving the gc that’s been giving me anxiety for several weeks straight now... for literally the nth time

[anashins]

No Talking in the Library || Taeyong

"Losing my virginity? Better say taking someone’s virginity. Triple check."

There are still so many things you want to do in your last semester before graduation, and Taeyong is willing to help you.

_______

Skinny dipping

Partying all night long

Drinking hard shots

Dancing on a bar counter

Playing spin the bottle

Getting completely drunk

Attend an illegal rave

Kiss s/o I just met

Ditch classes

You inhaled deeply and tucked the sheet back into your dress’s pocket and out of your sight, your thoughts revolving around the last point you’ve written again.

Losing my virginity

You were already a few months into your last year of university and yet you still felt like you hadn’t experienced everything a normal college kid should have once done in their young lives.

That you hadn’t really lived so far.

Looking at your friends, they had left you behind a long time ago in the first semester already when it came down to checking off bucket lists. It wasn’t like you were too shy or stayed away from parties and boys, though. The opportunity just had never arisen, and only now you realized that it probably never would if you wouldn’t take fate into your own hands.

You were sick and tired of waiting for the perfect moment and the perfect guy.

Looking at your watch, you realized it was nearly time for your next class and that you slowly had to get going.

Passing by different bookshelves, you were pondering whether to still search for lecture here in the library to read through the weekend in preparation for the project you had to work on the next week, but you quickly resisted the urge to do so as you had already collected enough and headed straight to the door.

“Watch out!” you still heard before the next thing you felt was pain crippling your face.

Only the break of a second was needed before numbness turned into pain and shot through your nerves that even reached the tips of your fingers with the root of the ache being your nose.

“Oh my god!” you squealed and brought your hands to the middle of your face while tears welled up behind your squinted eyes.

“I’m so sorry!” a male voice said, full with panic.

When you dared to open your lids, you looked into the eyes of the guy who had banged the entry door right into her face.

“You nearly killed me!”

“I’m so sorry, y/n!”

When he mentioned your name, you turned keen-eared. Blinking through your tears, you slowly started to get a sharper view of the boy in front of you as well. Just slightly taller than you, dark hair, and an expression as shocked as yours.

You just didn’t know his name anymore.

“Does it hurt that bad? Shall we go to the ward to get a cooling pad or something?”

You shook your head and slowly brought your hands down again. The guy had a hard time biting down the smile that threatened to slip off his lips. With care, he touched your arm in a comforting gesture to reassure you.

“I’m sorry, but you totally look like Rudolph the reindeer now.”

You sniffed. “Yes, thanks to you!”

“Okay, that’s true,” he admitted and retreated his hand. “How about I make it up to you, hm?”

“Uh…” You stared at him, yet you still weren’t able to classify his familiar face.

“Hey!” You suddenly got interrupted by the library’s supervisor, a middle-aged woman who was always wearing a frown and owned the hearing of a bat. “No talking in the library! Go inside or leave, but this door has to be closed, understand?”

You nodded, and the guy made a move to pass by the librarian, but not without whispering to you “Come here!” before you disappeared into the library again, the door closing shut behind you.

Having you by his arm, he dragged you along the rows of bookshelves until he found a quiet corner in the very far back of the library. All the while when you were looking at his back, you tried to remember where you knew him from.

And then it suddenly came into your mind.

When you opened the group convo with your friends, his face would appear right next to the unsaved contact that your friend Johnny had added two days prior.

It was Lee Taeyong.

Johnny, Ten, and Jaehyun’s new roommate who you had also met once before at Johnny’s birthday party last week.

“Hey, at least your nose is not red anymore, huh?” he laughed when he came to a hold.

“Banging a door into my face again, Taeyong?” you asked back. “I have to admit, this is kind of a weird way to hit on a girl.”

“You know my name! Admittedly, even just now I wasn’t so sure whether you remembered.”

“That was true, but once the pain vanished and I looked at your back, that scene seemed very familiar to me.”

He grinned. “Johnny’s birthday party, yes, I banged a door into your face back then as well. I’m sorry, I am actually a gentleman, I just didn’t have a chance to prove it yet. I hope this isn’t becoming our thing now.“

“You mean… you banging doors into my face? I hope not, because you actually seem like a nice guy, and otherwise I have to do a runner right now. I’d like to live a few years more.”

“My roommates wouldn’t like the thought that I scared their friend away, so let’s keep this a secret, alright?”

He winked and you laughed. You liked his humor very much and were wondering why you two hadn’t talked before at Johnny’s party.

„Oh, what’s this?“

Taeyong lifted his hand and picked up something white from the floor. He inspected his finding and then frowned. The next moment, he presented something to you that hadn’t been supposed to get seen by anyone else aside from you. The sheet. Apparently it had fallen out of your pocket while hurriedly walking!

You blushed up to her ears and snatched it out of his hand. “Don’t read this!”

He shrugged. “Well… it was quite hard not to miss the significant writing while picking it up, so…”

“Ugh…” You rolled your eyes into oblivion and wished for a hole to appear right under you to vanish in there right now.

You felt your ears burning and a hot flush running down your back as you remembered the last point you had written down. A stranger knowing about your virgin life! Embarrassing!!

“Do you… actually mean this?”

“Mean what?” you questioned with a shaky voice.

You hadn’t heard the slightest tone of mockery in his voice, you then noticed, and when you dared to look at him again, his gaze was even radiating curiosity, far from scorn.

“The points on this list.”

“Please don’t make fun of me!” you defended yourself. “You don’t know me or why I did this in the first place, so…”

You wanted to quickly pass by him and escape from the scenery, but he grabbed you by your arm and made you stop.

“What I know,” he then spoke, “is that you’re a kind and funny girl, apparently looking for the full college experience, am I right? I would never make fun of someone for that.”

“Okay… thank you. And I’d prefer if you won’t tell anyone about that.”

“That’s a given.”

“So… having checked off anything yet?“

You shook her head, suddenly feeling a weird knot in your stomach. “I just made this today. But now that someone knows about it, it’s probably ridiculous.”

“I don’t think that it’s ridiculous. You just want some fun, what’s so wrong about that?”

You hadn’t looked at this from another point of view, but now Taeyong was giving you his perspective. And he sounded so nonchalant and positive about it that you suddenly didn’t feel as exposed and embarrassed as before.

“You know what I think?” he then blurted out.

“What?” Now, you grew curious.

“I think you need someone to guide you through it, and many more experiences. Go hard or go home.” He grinned. “Someone who’s done all that already.”

“And you’re such a person?” you challenged.

“Let me see.”

Taeyong took the sheet from you again and read through the list. “Skinny dipping? Check. Partying all night long? Every weekend. Drinking hard shots? Also every weekend. Dancing on a bar counter? Double check, except for that one time I fell off. Playing spin the bottle? Boring, but check. Getting completely drunk? More checks than I can remember. Attend an illegal rave? Double check. Kiss someone I just met? I’m not counting this one anymore. Ditch classes? At least once a month. Losing my virginity? Better say taking someone’s virginity. Triple check.”

“Okay I understand!” You yanked the paper out of his hand again. “You probably had a few years to experience all this, and I only have the rest of my senior year left.”

“Why the rush?” Taeyong asked.

Reluctantly, you answered, “I’m leaving the country for my PhD.”

He nodded. “I see.”

Folding the sheet in your hands, you tucked it back into your pocket. “But please don’t tell the guys, I haven’t opened up to them about my future plans yet, but I want to tell them personally when the time is right.”

“Of course.” Taeyong paused. “Well, then what’s stopping you from joining a party with me tonight to get started?”

“The fact that I barely know you yet?”

“Hm, of course, you’ve got a point.” Taeyong pursed his lips and seemed to ponder over something. “Why haven’t we really talked before though at Johnny’s birthday party?”

“I really cannot remember what happened after you’ve banged the door into my face.” You chuckled. “I probably went to cry in the bathroom and then we’ve just lost sight of each other, because you haven’t found a weird sheet from me like today.”

“So… Since you only could remember me just now, we can technically say we’ve just met, right?”

“I’d sign that.”

“Great.”

You barely had time to wonder why he was grinning from ear to ear yet again when you felt Taeyong’s lips on yours the next moment.

They were soft and warm, his movements gentle at first, and he tasted so fresh and minty, and a little bit sweet as though he had drunk some fruit juice just before. Very summerly, and very manly.

His sudden kiss had left you speechless as well as motionless in the beginning, but you, now in high spirits, started to take pleasure in this act not long after his first move as you leaned against him and were welcomed with open arms.

Taeyong was a very handsome guy, there was nothing to deny about that fact, and he was a good kisser on top of that.

His hands made your body angle so that he could circle his arms around your waist and pressed you firmly against him. With your hands, you wandered upwards and sunk your fingers into his fluffy hair just in the moment Taeyong made you part your lips to deepen the kiss with his tongue.

Of course you had kissed boys before. Just because you were still a virgin didn’t mean you had never made out with someone.

But you had never made out with someone this good before.

Although you had gotten a door into your face shortly before, you weren’t so sure whether it was truly only the aftereffects of a possible head injury or Taeyong’s uninterrupted, passionate and oh-so-good kissing or both that got you feel so lightheaded and dizzy.

But what you knew was that you were enjoying that kiss very much.

And that you wanted more.

And Taeyong apparently as well as he proved it to you when his hands curved against your buttocks, and he gently shoved you backwards until your back rested against the wall behind you.

With his fingers, he felt the tender and glowing skin under your shirt’s bottom hem, massaging the spot there lightly as your hands simultaneously grabbed onto his shoulders and pulled him so close to you that no sheet would fit in the slit between you two anymore.

Secretly kissing in the library hadn’t been written down on your agenda, but you took whatever you could get to make your last semester a memorable one.

This was so fun to you that you started to think that this bucket list that you had made wasn’t that much of a bad idea after all if every single one of the experiences would leave you that excited as kissing Taeyong.

When you parted, he was still wearing that grin that now seemed more sweet than smug to you, and you joined him.

“Kiss someone you just met? Check.”

“Well, then our meeting here didn’t go to waste after all,” you concluded.

Admittedly, you wanted more. And by the way Taeyong looked at you, still so turned on and dreamy, he didn’t seem to loathe that idea as well.

“How about putting another point up that list?”

“Such as…?” You tilted your head.

“Making out with someone you’ve just met at a party?”

You playfully looked away as though you were in deep thoughts, but to you, the answer was clear the moment he had proposed the idea to you. “I think that’s an experience I shouldn’t miss as well.”

Just as Taeyong let out a relieved laughter and leaned in to you again, you heard a familiar,

“No talking in the library!”

In front of them stood the librarian with the worst timing ever.

“Technically, we weren’t talking,“ Taeyong cleared up cheekily as he withdrew from you, and you nodded in approval.

The librarian though looked confused.

The wink Taeyong shot into your direction was only visible for you, and you blushed faintly as you agreed, “Yeah, we were anything but talking.”

„But I heard you!“ the elderly woman scolded.

“Well, we did something much more fun than talking,” Taeyong explained, but before the librarian could chide more, you laughingly escaped to the outside.

„So about the party…“ he then started as the library’s door closed behind you. „Since we’re technically no strangers anymore…“

You rolled your eyes, but smiled. „Perhaps, I’ll come to the party.“

„And then move on to check off the other points?“ He smirked.

You stuck your tongue out at him, but were really looking forward to tonight.

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

Hi Dear Jalebi, I demand your analysis :)   What are your thoughts on IPKKND might have some typical track if the audience, TRP, actors departure didn't influence it otherwise? Let me explain, IPKKND was supposed to have a longer office track (that wasn't common though, I would've loved it) but the TRP was low, so Shantivan track was introduced. Then, I read that, Sana Maqbul (Lavanya) wanted to quit IPKKND, that's why the quick breakup???

Is that why they didn't give us the COMMON AF *jealousy and hero's ex GF turns villain* track? Then again, Anjali was jealous and sad about Khushi after the first reveal of Shyam, and it looked like track about Didi Ki Saut was beginning. But again ratings dropped and the fandom didn't react well (kinda protested), Anjali quickly stopped showing jealousy and Dadi was introduced to give ArShi a common saas-bahu vibe.

Hello Dear Analysis Anon!

I am going to over answer this with a lot of detail because I have a lot of thoughts, as always! Time to get into my thinking cape/coat:

This analysis is going to cover:

(1) every example you just mentioned,

(2) my thoughts on external things affecting plot of the story,

(3) things/plots/ tracks that could've been if not for external factors

Examples

1) IPKKND was supposed to have a longer office track (that wasn't common though, I would've loved it) but the TRP was low, so Shantivan track was introduced

As far as I can remember from one of the writers' interviews, the office track was cut short because this was a show on Star Plus - which, as a channel, caters to 'family audience' therefore needs to have sanskaar and stuff at its core. Hence the rude shortening of the office track and weird 'makeover' and 'desi-dying' Lavanya. And hence we had a very weird four months of an eighteen-twenty years old Khushi teaching someone about sanskaars and suddenly knowing everything about a household when Bua-ji or even Payal would've been a more apt choice for this 'tutoring'.

If this was a Star One show, they might've not shifted out of the office for the longest time!

2) Sana Maqbul (Lavanya) wanted to quit IPKKND, that's why the quick breakup??? Is that why they didn't give us the COMMON AF *jealousy and hero's ex GF turns villain* track?

I did not know that's why the quick end happened. Honestly that happened perfectly. I think Lavanya had an inkling about their relationship heading south right when Arnav told everyone he's getting engaged to her. But she chooses to not see it until one day she couldn't. Maybe we could've gotten more from La but if you see carefully, La clearly knows that this relationship is now just for face. Bless her heart for trying though, trying with a smile!

Also, again I think the writers never thought of making Lavanya a vamp. They had enough material with Arnav-Khushi's own differences, Shyam and Buaji playing enough roles to mess up Arnav-Khushi's love story. I probably think they always had planned Lavanya as a beautiful person who was unintentionally caught in all of this. I feel they planned La and Khushi's friendship - they clearly enjoyed writing two completely different people becoming closest of friends.

The writers/creators deserve full credit for this.

3) Then again, Anjali was jealous and sad about Khushi after the first reveal of Shyam, and it looked like track about Didi Ki Saut was beginning. But again ratings dropped and the fandom didn't react well (kinda protested), Anjali quickly stopped showing jealousy and Dadi was introduced to give ArShi a common saas-bahu vibe.

This is all true.

My Thoughts on External Things Affecting Plot

It's not necessarily bad that external things affect plot. Feedback, from channel or fans, can help the show to pivot and understand what is working and what's not. The problem is when feedback is implemented regardless whether or not it matches the theme of the plot.

I loved:

1) The channel moving out of the office because the power dynamic was too great and the contract terms were very unhealthy and Arnav Singh Raizada deserved to get sued at least 10 times by the end of this contract so yes, the shorter the office track the better. Literally the saving grace is they didn't "fall in love" there.

2) The fans protesting against Didi Ki Saut track. Not because I hated the track - I think it was executed in the worst manner! From identical visual languages to show Arnav-Anjali and Arnav-Khushi scenes (which didn't work to show Arnav being equally torn between the two most important women in his life, but just made the audience get creeped by Arnav-Anjali's relationship) and writing scenes of Anjali getting offended by Arnav-Khushi's intimacy/Arnav spending time with his wife, on her birthday, in his bedroom... did she expect Khushi would just *disappear* in a her and Arnav's bedroom? Like that was the worst way to show a compelling plot line and giving people some weird thoughts about Anjali-Arnav (which I hate because I LOVE Anjali-Arnav).

3) Barun walking out when the plot was literally done. Yes, thank you!

4) Barun going to do a movie led to the kidnapping track, which I liked a lot. No, not the nonsense of Manorama Bond fishing out Delhi's security camera footages in vintage recording system - but the fact that given the chasm and angst between Arnav & Khushi, only something bigger than their misunderstanding could force Arnav to give weight to his feelings and for Khushi to be able to forgive him. And his life was at stake. It was a sharp reminder to both of them that they lost so much by not communicating that it doesn't matter what they had to say - they loved each other, they just needed to get back and fight off everything together.

And then again, there are things I HATED that happened because of external factors:

1) The channel for the whole La becomes Desi. And the overdose of sanskaar and tradition that followed for a few months *uggggh* Clearly the channel demanded this from the plot because family, traditions and all are important to Star Plus (wtf are they thinking for Ghum Hai Kisi Ke? though or YRKKH?) And even the Aarav track and Mrs. India - two tracks with terrible execution - were very Star Plus recommended content. Just now Saath Nibhana Saathiya 2 had a Mrs. Surat/Gujarat track and Yeh Hai Chaahatein had a miracle child popping up...

2) The fans demanding Arnav & Khushi's proximity. The whole hut scene was *noooooo*. Lack of consent, body doubles, GLARING logical loopholes and them just trying to do it when one of them is really not in the mood and they were both so out of character. @phati-sari explains this really well in her post (just search for the hut to get all relevant posts on her blog)

3) Barun? Not exactly - he's never in control of the plot so really it's the writers that kinda know what to do with his presence and absence. Even if they get a short time, it's upto the creators who know if they use the last 2-3 weeks for stretching a random track as much as they can and give a rushed ending or quickly wrap up a crap track and give a satisfactory ending. A good example of this is Lavanya's exit - although rushed was dealt with grace, important conversations and memorable hugs. Bad one is the end of the show - I know Barun gave his papers but I wish they went the La way with the end of the show - important convos, teary hugs and a sweet moment (they tried their best tho...)

It's an ITV trend though to not plan for the end of a show... they stretch a crappy track as much as they can and have like a 2 min epilogue. Kasautii 2.0 was the funniest cause they had all misconceptions cleared, Komolika and Mr. Bajaj die and then have a weird 2 min pillow fight to show 'happy family'... guess in that way I'm glad we had whatever we did with IPKKND!

Possible Tracks Then

So if external factors didn't influence the show, we might have had the following:

1) A longer office track. It would end the way it did in canon though. I think it was prewritten that at one point Khushi would tear up the contract and hold him accountable for everything Arnav did. Just instead of 3-4 days it would've been 10-15 days after the contract.

2) Didi Ki Saut track. Honestly that was compelling if executed right. Sometimes you can have an antagonist without becoming a villain, Anjali the perfect character for that.

3) A separation track. I'm pretty sure Arnav-Khushi could have separated at some point in their six months marriage - this is just my inkling and not something I heard in an interview unlike the above two. If given full reign to writing, we probably would've gotten an angst heavy stuff at some point post marriage/6 months.

4) A remarriage track sans Dadi. We know why Dadi was introduced (honestly I didn't mind her, it was a track done well and kinda to redeem Arnav in front of the public eyes. It's a perfect track cause Arnav is 'nice' for standing up for her and kinda heals the wounds he caused in the first few months of the marriage by retorting someone who tells Khushi everything he told her...) But anyway I do think a remarriage was in the works, not because of TRPs but the way their whole 'marriage' was framed and how Khushi was broken because of the lack of everything in it. And they deserved one w/o the devastation that night brought.

5) The 'marriage' would've been a live in. Arnav and Khushi's elopement was supposed to be darker in nature*. Their 'marriage' would've had no religious nor legal validity, therefore a stark contradiction to everything Khushi stood for... but you can't have that in ITV. *By dark I don't mean sexual violence - never.*

6) The whole IPKKND was meant to be darker. I am glad for the romantic comedy though! I think their balance of angst and comedy pre marriage was perfect! Not sure post marriage because it felt like a loop of going back to square one with no progress. But I think things were meant to be less subtle, more tragic and dramatized. So I think we could've gotten extremely angsty periods post marriage with a slow, gentle lull to the romance/comedy. While I am extremely glad for the lightheartedness, I wish I could've read what the whole original concept for Arnav/Khushi was!

7) Arnav revealing the truth to Khushi would've been different. We know the distasteful suicide track quickly came as a way to push Arnav's buttons and have him confess the truth of his elopement to Khushi. And that came from Barun going away - hence the quick kidnapping track and everything. So if Barun didn't go away, I honestly don't know how the revelation would happen. Would Arnav start piecing things together from information and things about Shyam in Laxminagar? Would Arnav end up helping and hospitalizing Shashi who would tell him the truth? Would Arnav come across any hidden wedding card Buaji could've had printed for Shyam-Khushi or even Shyam's fake kundili? Given the Gupta house wasn't the place where Shyam covered his tracks... was this where Arnav would start seeing things? Or guilt ridden, would Garima/Khushi/Madhumati tell Arnav the truth? Something was meant to happen for this revelation, whether it's Arnav believing Khushi or just getting further evidence against her - I... don't know! I wish I knew what the writers had in store.

We highly appreciate for not showing a typical Nanand against Bhaabi trope, also for not making La villain, but would it result differently if things didn't have a hand? Imma cry thinking Anjali jealous and La villain! meh!  What a feast for the eyes it was to see ONLY ONE VILLAIN and less negativity in a tellywood show. Baas bohut hua my casual verbiage. By demand I mean no pressure, please take your valuable time and reply whenever you feel like it.Take Loads of Care and Chocolates your way <3

I hope the above answered all your queries :) Thank you for all the chocolates and care!!!

Phew this was rather long! A big hug to anyone who went through it! See ya later!

- Jalebi

[chocolvte]

ITZY IMAGINE.

. . shin ryujin as your girlfriend

author’s note — happy birthday @witchylixie! ily very much and i hope you have the best day!

listen to chemicals by sg lewis

headcanons — what dating her is like

ryujin is your best friend before anything else. your relationship was undefined for a long time, but by the time she asked you to be her s/o, both of you were completely sure about what you wanted (each other, obvi).

you just get each other: no one makes her laugh like you do, no one knows how to comfort you when you’re crying the way she does, no one kisses you like she does.

you give each other piggy back rides everywhere.

ryujin likes sharing things with you. you share almost everything: clothes, jewelry, food.

whenever one of you is having a bad day, the other will cancel all of your plans and you’ll stay in bed and watch studio ghibli movies. it doesn’t always fix everything, but it usually makes things at least a little better.

you have matching tattoos on the backs of your necks and the inside of your wrists.

ryujin is very protective of you. if anyone ever says or does anything mean to you she gets visibly upset and it’s really hard for her not to get up and do something about it. she would absolutely fight someone twice her size for you, if need be.

it always melts her heart when you get really excited about the things you love. she could sit and listen to you talk about the things you’re passionate about for hours.

she holds your hand everywhere. i mean everywhere: at home, in the studio, even at red carpets.

bottom line: the two of you would be such a power couple. no one is doing it like y’all.

cute nicknames — when & how they’re used

angel — whenever you’re upset about something, this is what she calls you to comfort you.

my love — used most often in casual conversation, so genuine and full of love.

haribo — an allusion to the gummy candy company, because you’re soft and sweet.

everyday texts — what your text convos are like

[jonny-versace]

I really appreciate the storytelling of Aaron being insecure about being in a relationship that grew from an affair and also dating a bi man and struggling to trust Robert and then that being a factor in (among others) the ons and break up. And I like that they acknowledged it after “she didn’t break us up, we did”. Would have loved a bit more time spent on that after the reunion that rather then just wow nowAaron’s no longer jealous. Especially a convo around the affair or biphobia.

yesssss it's so so good, like even if it's fairly plotty at times (the whole birthday mix-up (let Chas in your plan sooner Robert you giant moron), Aaron quite literally getting gaslit by his family over nothing etc) it's still overall this great character driven stuff between the two of them that really did start all the way back in the affair because let's face it, even though we as the audience knew nothing was happening, Aaron had seen all the lying about working and stuff when he was on the other side of it so of COURSE his mind would go there even without his general mental health struggles that he never dealt with at all. and it goes back to them saying they'd take it slow when they got together and just flat out not doing that lol (I always loved that line from Robert during robrontines day where he's all "we did things wrong" regarding the path of their relationship, even if they completely ignored themselves as soon as they got back together again lol). and then on top of that you've got Aaron's general abandonment issues and Gordon still hanging over him, and Robert's general nature of not being able to resist exploiting the Whites (and I do think it's worth pointing out that hes a hard worker in general, he really enjoys it the big weirdo) and his history with Rebecca as sort of a placeholder so it's all combustible (intense good and bad!)

but THEN under all of everything, when realistically by the time of the Jan fight, if they were normal they would've been like "okay this is mad, we can't be together like this let alone get married, we need a break from this and us and just work out.... everything and then if (lol) we find our way back to each other then awesome", but because they're THEM and under all the bullshit they just fundamentally love each other and that has to be enough right? so they just ignore EVERYTHING and get surprised married because Aaron's going to prison for twatting some loser bc he and Robert FINALLY had a fight about alllll their many issues that they just forgot about as soon as convenient to paper over these giant chasms in the relationship because that's all that matters and theyll be fine (it wasnt and they weren't), it's perfect it's just immaculate, I love it.

I think as far as post reunion goes, I'm not really sure how they could've shown more of that beyond you know, doing what they did. because while it's a bit of inference, Aaron saw from a distance what a massive wreck Robert was while they were apart. he saw that there was no Robert and Rebecca, it would've made all the sense in the world at least from his perspective, if there WAS something there, once Seb was properly brewing and Robert was single, that they would try and make a go of something, right? and if not that, Robert would eventually cop off elsewhere. instead he either saw a month's long descent into madness which resulted in half a family dead. and when he FINALLY finally got dragged out to maybe meet somebody, he ended up in the place where they got married to be kinda pathetic and drink himself into a coma lol. and really like you said, the issue was never REALLY Rebecca in the first place, it WAS them(that is such a fantastic Aaron line, love you Maxine x), the jealousy was just a symptom. and then there's the Seb of it all, who was Aaron's biggest issue going into the break up until he realised that instead of this little squishy demon he hated, he was just Robert's baby. he recognised that the reason the trust issues were there in the first place was because they never actually fucking talked, so they promised to do that! and they did that! (mostly!).

and with the biphobia, I dunno. I'm not really sure how you could show how Aaron got over that. and really a lot of it stemmed from Aaron's general perspective of "not good enough, people don't stay with me," anyway, like it's not hard to imagine that if Robert had been getting chummy with some bloke instead of her they would've arrived at the same destination, right? it wasn't really ever about him being bi imo, that's just how it manifested. (ditto for the whole "internalised homophobia with Robert" thing). and again it can't be stressed enough that Aaron's mental health was like. beyond fractured anyway from the Gordon stuff. as for the affair, I think that's why I love Robert during the second proposal so much, he needed to say what he said and Aaron probably still needed to hear it (and in general I just ADORE how they romanticise the affair as opposed to actually remembering it lol).

ranty! I just love the whole arc, it has its flaws obviously (some of the post reveal stuff is b r u t a l) but overall, particularly for the genre, it's just excellent meaty content that just kept getting reinforced and built upon right until the end.

[zackmartin]

@neshabeingchildish  anyway, about the parents... It just felt easier to make a whole new post than make our followers scroll forever (or make you scroll forever in your inbox), especially since we’re talking about parents now and the original conversation was about coffee 😅😅 (the post in question, in case anyone is curious about why the hell I’m randomly talking about all this for)

(Also, about me maybe misunderstanding your question, it’s not entirely you, my brain fog is so bad right now 😭 I read it right the first time, though. It just wasn’t until I reread it the other night that I realized it could maybe be interpreted differently and didn’t want to look like an idiot by giving you four paragraphs about how the dynamic between the parents is when you actually meant Zack himself and Henry’s parents. 😭😂)

Before I get into it, I do want to say something else real quick because I know you’ll let me; I always have Henry’s parents divorcing in the near future. I absolutely despised that shit they tried to pull with heavily implying that Siren was cheating on an unsuspecting Jake, so I always had them realizing that their kids are grown and they don’t need to use them as an “excuse” to stay together anymore, so they decide to just bite the bullet and go for the divorce. I don’t have an exact time frame for when this happens, but I know Henry was at least graduated from high school, and I would say Piper was AT LEAST a senior in high school, if not already graduated herself. 

But, anyway, the parents get along for the most part! Like, they’re all okay with Zack and Hen hosting the holidays at their place so the grandkids can see all their grandparents for Christmas, and things like that. But, I do think the moms get along just a smidge more because 1) they make a concentrated effort for the sake of their kids (and then eventually the grandkids) and 2) I can’t think of a single thing Jake and Kurt (Zack’s Dad) have in common lmao Like, the dads might ask each other about work or something, but once that short convo runs its course, there’s just awkward silence 😅😅 (and in the case of Zack’s mom, Carey, whether she means to or not, I think she kinda latches on to any potential female friends because she’s surrounded by boys a lot of the time) So, the moms will go to lunch with each other when they’re in the same city, and when Izzy comes along, they’ll plan girls days with her (and sometimes Piper, if Piper also happens to be in town at that time), they’ll send each other birthday cards, and I think if Siren happened to be in Boston for whatever reason, she’d plan a night to see one of Carey’s shows and have dinner with her or something, etc etc But, the dads basically just see each other when they “have” to lol 

Since I’m gonna talk about Zack’s relationship with Hen’s parents, I feel like I might as well talk about Hen’s relationship with Zack’s parents 😅🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ I think Hen is a bit closer to Zack’s parents than Zack is to Henry’s parents. And it’s not like Zack hates Hen’s parents, or they hate him it’s just… I mean, it’s no secret that I despise the way adults act in Swellview, but it is what it is, and I don’t think it’s entirely unfair of me to say that Hen’s parents kind of “clocked out” when he was around, idk 17ish?? (and unfortunately it would be even easier to do that in this universe considering their kids live on a boat several months out of the year) Like, I don’t think they completely stopped being involved in Henry’s life but like, I don’t think they really learned about Zack until Henry was really serious about him and things like that 

So, Zack gets along with them, but it’s basically because “these are Henry’s parents and I want them to like me because I love Henry” but he isn’t close with them. It’s just, they’re basically “the in-laws” ya know? The people that act as a babysitter for their kids when they need it and who visit every once in a while but that’s about it (he was SUPER nervous when he first met them, though) (it’s funny that i keep saying that, because he’s the least nervous person on the planet. he’s chill like, 99% of the time, we just happen to talk about the three times in is entire life where he was nervous) (but adults in general tend not to like him, and normally he wouldn’t care, but with Henry’s parents it was different, so he was just kinda anxious meeting them for the first time)

Okay, sorry to keep going off on tangents that feel unrelated to your question (although, I promise this one sort of circles back into it) but unfortunately you’ve made the mistake of letting me in the past but 😅😅 I do think Carey would both know Zack isn’t straight and that Henry is something other than a friend to him before Zack ever figures those things out himself, either from little “hints” she gets from her weekly calls with Cody (where he just makes an offhand comment that Zack’s spending ALL his time with that new kid, Henry) or from her monthly calls with Zack himself where the conversations slowly start to revolve around  his new friend, Henry 🤣

So, it is not exactly breaking news to her when Zack eventually tells her that his relationship with Henry has kinda turned romantic lol and I say all that, to say that I think Carey would honestly like Henry before she ever even meets him because she can just tell how happy he makes Zack, and as crazy as it may sound, Hen’s a good influence on him (maybe not with the grades and school cause they’re both bad about that, but in other aspects of his life lmao) and ya know, once he gets past the whole “hating him” thing, he treats him well 🤣 so, there’s not really much more she could ask for when it comes to a partner for her son. Not only that, but even if it wasn’t obvious to her over the phone, she would see it when she actually saw them interacting together, because, even though Zack likes to pretend like he’s too “cool” for emotions (a persona that only exists in his own mind, btw) his feelings for Henry are written all over his face

(there is a conversation to be had about the fact that Carey’s personality in the original show was sort of “Mom first, person second” but like. Obviously her role was going to be Mom to Zack and Cody since they were twelve when the show first started and she’s literally their mother lmao but even in the case of London and Maddie, they would often turn to her for comfort or advice when they needed it, because she often acted as an older sister/motherly figure to them as well, so that was sort of the “energy” she gave off) So while Hen’s parents started pulling back when he’s at an age where he’s becoming independent and he’s about to start on his own life journey, I do think, at least subconsciously, he would notice that “absence” of a parental figure, so she eventually ends up filling that role whenever he’s comfortable enough around her. (she honestly is the type of mom that really wouldn't hesitate to take him in if he needed it; like if the roles were reversed, and it was Henry that ended up coming out to his parents by mentioning that he’s dating zack and they decided to be truly shitty and kick him out or whatever, she would make sure he had somewhere else to live because that’s just who she is) And I’ve honestly had it in my head that Henry started calling her Mom before he and Zack were ever engaged (but after they’ve been together for a few years and they’re living together, and it’s clear to basically everyone that this is a long haul thing lol) Like, it just slips out one day and he’s a little embarrassed by it and apologizing profusely but she thinks it’s sweet and she tells him he can call her that if he wants to. He doesn’t really jump into using it all the time right away, but over time it kinda happens more and more until that’s just,,, what he calls her.

And Henry gets along with Zack’s dad because Zack basically takes after his dad. Like, when he first met him, it just kinda clicked in his head that this is why Zack is the way that he is (not necessarily in a bad way). But like, in chapter 8 of DoD, there’s that scene where Jasper and Henry are going through Zack’s room, and Jasper finds all those CDs; it was always my HC that those CDs were given to him by his Dad because they share a similar taste, and there was an episode of the original show where his Dad gave him a vintage guitar (that I always assume belonged to Kurt first but idk for sure) and Zack was so excited and he knew the exact model, and I said this in Lizzie’s ask about her mechanic AU, but I always had an HC that Kurt gave Zack his old motorcycle as like, a christmas present one year when he was like, 19, that he was THRILLED about; so my long-winded point, is that they’re A LOT alike, so it just stands to reason (to me, anyway) that Henry gets along well with him.

Anyway, sorry for taking nine paragraphs to answer your very simple questions but 🤷🏻‍♀️

[jaefmin]

Talent hunt - J.JK

DKSDKLSD HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOVE <33

➳ Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Female reader

➳ Genre: pure crack✨friends to lovers au, lil bit of fluff in the end, friend!jk, crack!jk, the oc's kinda talentless TUMBLR ADDICT OC FOR Y'ALL!

➳ Summary: Jungkook's filled with talents, just like your snack bowl. He can't believe it, that you do nothing except writing your articles. He wants to find it all in you, because he knows that you've got the energy. Read on to find out what happens between both these characters!!

➳ M.list

“I mean, you would have some specialty at least.” He pleaded, again. “I told you already, Jungkook, I don’t do anything.” You replied for the ninth time, sparks of hope left bursting inside you that he would stop. “It can’t be that way. Every person is special in some or the other way, I know you’ve got something.” Those sparks inside seemed to find their way down pretty quick. You found it pretty annoying, especially when he had to do this between your work. You tried to come up with some reply for him to stop. Once you’d tell him about it, he’d think over it and stop annoying you. After thinking for a while with Jungkook sitting in front of you with puppy eyes, you came up with one.

“Yes!! I have a specialty!!” You bursted out, and Jungkook’s face lit up with a bright smile. “Ha!! I knew it!! Told ya!!” His face lit up, excitement filled inside to know what it was. “There’s this site called tumblr, and it’s GOLD. I have a lot of mutuals over there and they’re the reason I’m alive right now. I’m pretty famous there.” Your chest widened at the amount of notes you had on your posts. Jungkook's expression seemed to change every word of your answer, before he came up with another question. “N-no, Social media-? I didn't mean that.. Any real talent? More of like, uhh sports? Drawing? I bet you’re good at drawing!! You’re that typical type with glasses and you’d look pretty good with a brush.” You doubted yourself earlier on calling Jungkook a crackhead, but it seems like you have to doubt yourself upon doubting Jungkook being a crackhead or not now. ‘It isn’t what it seems like, kook. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.” Jungkook, being back to the moody gen-z he is, rolled his eyes at your comment. “Come on girl!! Don’t be a mom! I know you’ve got this!” He hits you playfully while speaking, at you could have sworn, if he had just applied 🤏🏻 much more force, you would have gone flying ten feet away. “A MOM?!!? EXCUSE ME!?!?” Your tone didn't seem to satisfy him, “Alright, calm down smelly. Since, you’re think good at nothing, we’ll go through a list of things that I’m good at or I know, and then I’m pretty sure we’ll find a good quality from them that you have.” You knew the article you were writing wasn’t going to get anywhere. “One condition.” The man in front of you rolled his eyes once again, “Go on, mom.” You shot a death glare at him and that was all it took; his hands were up in the air, peace written all over his face. “You let me complete my work after we finish this.” Jungkook seemed surprised, “That’s all?” He pauses, “Duh, I’m doing this for you to feel good. I can stop right now if you say.” Being a person who wasn’t contended hurting others feelings, you replied “Alright then, let’s do it.”

He sat on the bed, and you followed him upon it. “Okay, so first question, how fast can you run?” He asks with curiosity. “Hmph, bold of you to think I even get up from my seat.” His eyebrows curl up, and you know that he’s saying something in his head about you, like you’re hindered. “So if you’re saying you don’t get up from your seat, do you only write articles all day?” He questions, “I just told you, you forgetful egg, I’m also on tumblr! And that, I’m telling you, it takes up more than half of my day.” You reminded him, and whenever the thought of tumblr came into your mind, you internally smiled at yourself. ”Jungkook seemed to be in deep thought, and again came up with a question. “Y/N! Yes! You write articles! That’s your speciality!! Your writing’s good!!” Your eyebrows shot up along with Jungkook’s and both of your eyes widened, you’ve come up with something! But the reason you were happy is that this long conversation finished, and you could finally get back to finishing your article. “Yes Jungkook!! That’s the good quality that I have!! So it’s done, we’re finished, and now I’m getting back to my work.” You got up from the bed, and were about to get back to your seat, when Jungkook caught your wrist.

“That’s only one quality Y/n!! I have a lot more things that I’m good at!! It can’t be only one!” You balled your hand into a fist, annoyance filling you up. You tried to calm yourself down instead of exploding right at Jungkook because he’s your friend and you do care about a person’s feelings. You turned, “I know! But I’m so sorry, koo!! I really have a lot of work right now, so mind if we keep this convo for later?” You asked, hoping this would lead to a finished article at the end. You knew this wasn’t getting anywhere, Jungkook would definitely want to continue. “But Y/n,” He placed both your hands in his, “You know you’ve been feeling unmotivated lately, right?” His voice deepened. “It is really important! We need to do this! I understand that your article’s important too, but your mental health should be given more importance. It’s alright if you lose your job, but health-” It’s funny how he makes you think about his duality in every conversation. Sure of the fact that even begging and falling to his feet won’t help in this situation, you intruded his speech. “I understand.” You pressed his hand, “Let’s dive into it!” You were pretty good at fake-smiling and the tone in your voice seemed quite believable, the sarcasm hidden behind. You took your seat on the bed in front of Jungkook. “That’s the Y/N I wanna see!!” You smiled at his innocence, and continued the conversation.

“So, what about any sport that you’re interested in? Maybe something like badminton, football, volleyball, or swimming?” Jungkook’s next question popped up, and it reminded you of the old days. “The last time I swam was when I was ten, because my elder brother accidentally pushed me into the water, and I almost drowned, and like everyone’s parents, even mines were triggered and they pushed me to learn swimming.” Another sarcastic reply made its way through your lips, Jungkook again bewildered by how unattached you are. “And well basketball, I used to like it, but then I almost broke my nose in a match, never found the courage to get back on the ground again. Jungkook was quick to reply, “That’s not called getting triggered, Y/N. They did it because that's gonna help you in some or the other way in future.” Your face went blank at his comment, “Who's being the mom now?” “N-No, I’m not-” Jungkook went red stuttering at every word. "Next thing we’re looking at is… reading! Do you like reading?” He immediately planned to change the topic, your face retaining the blank expression that’s always put on it. Did he just forget that you write articles? Still, boys don’t get these kinds of death glares or eye contacts girls make, so Jungkook stays clueless. His eyebrows furrow up, thoughts muddled up in his mind. After deep thinking for a while, Jungkook strikes. Proudness takes over you, you got yourself a friend who understands girls.

“Nevermind!! We’ll move on?” Your mouth flung open at his reply, a feeling of your hopes shooting to the sky but then immediately bursting out like a firework, sparks falling to the ground. Can someone really expect something from Jeon Jungkook? “I’ve run out of ideas Y/n..” He pouts sadly, and that’s the cue to your happiness. “Okay that’s great! Now I’m getting back to writing my article!” History repeats itself; you get up from the bed to be pulled back down again. Not being someone who can keep their feelings suppressed for a long time, you aim to bawl right at Jungkook, but before anything comes out of your mouth, he interrupts. “Just one more thing Y/n.” The extra amount of innocence spread on Jungkook’s face is something that anyone would give into, and personally you did find him attractive. The way he’s dressed looking all cuddly, you would give into his arms right this second if he asked to. Yes, you did dream about him every night before going to sleep, how fun it would be to have someone like him taking care of you. His duality is out of the question; there’s no one better than him. If it were for him, you’d leave the whole world and give into Jungkook’s arms, but the strings of life keep pulling you back towards them.

Lost in your thoughts, you didn’t realize how the time passed by, before you heard a couple snaps in front of your face. “Earth to Y/N???” Jungkook waved his hand in front of you a couple times, bringing you back to reality. Work can be postponed for this angel, just the way you’re punctual. You sat back down and placed your hands above Jungkook’s. He cleared his throat, straightened his back, and began. “Look, people like you, I mean, the ones interested in social media, glasses, look cuddly and cute like penguins,” Jungkook was good, but in some cases you couldn’t guarantee what he would come up with. “I bet you’ve had a boyfriend.” His statement caught you by surprise, your heart racing inside. You didn’t have the courage to reply to him, you are the least interested in opening up. It wasn’t a moment before Jungkook shot back at you, “I’ll tell you what type suits you.” Jungkook’s pretty much of a crackhead, but something urged you not to stop him. You wanted to know which perspective Jungkook looks at you with.

“I think your boyfriend would’ve loved your kisses. I have a feeling you’re a really good kisser, and you would often want cuddles from him. And yes,” He laughs, “You would be a wholesome of cute actions, and there’d be no one else who loved it more than him.” He booped your nose and finished, and not gonna lie, you could drool on him right now. His face was gleaming with compassion, eyes so deep you could drown in them. His lips curved into a tiny smile, the bunny teeth making their appearance. All you wanted to ever do was stay glued to him and keep on listening to those beautiful words that came out of his mouth. His eyes met yours and he leaned you in, a soft expression settling on his face as a stroke of sunlight passed through it. Jungkook continued asking further, “Can I kiss you?” His fingers gently stroked on your cheekbones and his eyes met yours. Faces not centimetres apart, both of your breaths tangled. You locked his lips with yours and gripped onto Jungkook’s neck, your sweet action making him give in. This is what you wanted, and this is what he wanted. You both stayed the same way for a while before separating.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

gon rb and then add the taglist beuase dumblr's mean </3

[crowsnests]

taste of certainty - part three

Fandom: The Arcana  Pairing: Julian Devorak x OC Apprentice (Syran Elkas) Tags: friends to lovers; modern times au; friend group dynamic; slow burn; pining; really just Julian being Julian and Syran being Oblivious Words: 7453 Warnings: mention of anxiety, migraines, insomnia, alcohol

part 1 2 3 4 5

playlist

I see the walls that are torn and bent The tug of war in the now, not yet Holding back what they can contain Can you tell me why I feel this way?

- trust; half-alive

III. sweet hurricane

Wednesdays are chill enough workdays, usually. It’s when Miss Eirsdottir has the least meetings, so Syran gets to calmly sit at her desk, processing new proposals and arranging schedules.

Not this Wednesday, though.

Miss Eirsdottir has Syran basically assist Varya in running all sorts of errands: moving from one side to the building to the other, carrying boxes of products for her to review, making sure the interns get the right coffees for the guests in the meetings, rushing to bring important folders to the PR office, assisting in said meetings. Varya is nice and helps Syran feel more at ease with the amount of workload, but it’s still quite stressful.

Syran forgot the days close to the launch of a new product could get so hectic. Her recurring migraine starts to make itself heard.

In the midst of it all, she gets a moment to catch her breath, during her lunch break. She goes and sits outside, despite the cold, on a bench in the courtyard inside the building. As she unfurls her lunchbox – a chicken sandwich, a carrot, and a bunch of blueberries – Asra and Pasha join her at the bench.

“Well, you look like shit,” Asra says, not even bothering with formalities as he sits down and opens his ricebox. A spiced scent trails out from it.

“Thanks, feel like it, too,” Syran answers, then bites into her carrot. Her head is pounding with pain and the nausea that comes with it doesn’t make her food look all that appealing, but she’s used to it at this point. She vaguely explains the reason for her exhaustion, her two friends nodding in understanding.

“Yeah, this week is tough, huh?” Pasha looks concerned as she takes out her lunch from her bag. A clear box with pasta in it and some orange juice.

“Yeah, pre-release is hell up in management,” Syran sighs.

“Well, at least you get to have fun next weekend! It’s gonna be a blast.” Pasha winks.

Syran looks at her confused, blinks a couple times, her brain slowly moving its gears together.

Asra looks at her pointedly, mouthing something.

Syran can’t decipher it, but a light goes on in her brain nonetheless.

“Oh shit, it’s your birthday! Yeah! Can’t wait for that!”

“You and Nadi always know how to throw a good party, I’m excited,” Asra smiles, bright eyes wrinkled up in joy. He does love partying.

Pasha laughs, then goes on to describe how she’s planned this carefully, how the theme is Vintage Masquerade, or something, and how she can’t wait to see everyone’s costumes. Asra engages with her eagerly, giving advice for decorations and getting excited over the food.

There and then, Syran realises two things.

One: she has no fucking clue what to wear to something like that.

Two: she’s supposed to see Ilya today and get Pasha a present.

As if summoned, her phone goes off. Ilya’s name on the screen makes her insides squirm but she opens the text trying not to arouse suspicion.

dr. hulian - 13:12 Do you think Pasha would like this?

Attached to the message, there’s a picture of a– well, a skull, looking pretty real and being held by what’s clearly Ilya’s hand. Syran finds it a little eerie, but she can’t hold her smile back.

To: dr. hulian - 13:13 Mmmh, maybe if you decorated it a bit?

She starts eating her sandwich, itching to get a reply, but acts as if it’s nothing. She gets back into the conversation with Pasha and Asra, trying to get distracted. Asra is now suggesting he could give tarot readings to the guests for a little bit during the party, Pasha seems elated at the idea.

Then, Syran’s phone vibrates again.

from: dr. hulian - 13:16 - You mean like this? - His name is Ferdinand, by the way

This time, the skull has a thin golden scarf with an intricate flower pattern tied all around, complete with a fancy bow on top. It’s ridiculous and endearing at the same time. Syran tries to stifle a laugh.

To: dr. hulian - 13:18 - hell yeah, ferdinand looks perfect in that, love it - where did he get that, looks extremely fashionable

from: dr. hulian - 13:18 - We stole it from nadia’s bag while she went to the bathroom. I suspect mere seconds before we get punished for our crime. - oh no, she found us

Syran laughs again, this time she can’t hide it as she types a reply.

To: dr. hulian - 13:19 - Just blame it on Ferdinand! i’m sure she’ll understand

“–kay, what’s going on, Syran?”

“Huh?” She blinks up at the two pairs of eyes scrutinising her.

“Who’re you texting?” Asra looks smug, ready to pounce.

“Looks like a pretty nice convo you’re having there.” Pasha adds, leaning forward to rest her chin on her hand.

Syran scrambles for a reply. There’s no way in hell she’s going to be honest with them on this, not today.

Or ever, probably.

“Just– Ran. She was showing me her dogs, back at home,” She smiles at the end, desperately hoping to sell the lie.

Pasha lights up at the word dogs, but Asra doesn’t seem convinced.

“Really? She never mentioned dogs to me,” He narrows his eyes.

“Oh, yeah, she has two mixed breeds and– and a parrot.”

I mean, it’s not as much of a lie as a past truth. Ran used to have two dogs and a parrot in her old home. Now it’s just one of the dogs, who’s gotten pretty old, too.

“That’s cute! Can I see?” Pasha eagerly leans over to glance at Syran’s phone, now sitting face up on the table.

“Uh– I– I guess–” just as Syran tries to make something up, the phone goes off again, this time with a call. Ilya’s name flashes on the display for everyone to see.

Syran just stares at it, startled.

“Well, aren’t you going to answer?” Asra suggests, teasingly.

Syran chuckles nervously, then reaches for the phone.

“Hello?”

From the other side there’s noises and two distinct voices arguing, albeit muffled. None of them talking to her.

“H– hello?” she tries again, this time genuinely confused.

“–ust for a second! Don’t get mad at me, come on–”

“–you should know better than to steal from me, Ilya,”

“Come on, Nadi– ust a joke!”

“–going to have a better excuse– this was a gift!”

Asra and Pasha lean closer to try and hear what’s going on, but Syran swats them away.

“Must be a butt dial or something,” she mutters, just as Ilya keeps talking and exclaims an apology.

Pasha rolls her eyes. “Is it my brother?”

As Nadia seems to reprimand Ilya more, Syran nods, looking confused enough for her friends to frown with her.

“– an excuse to talk!” Ilya’s exclamation gets Syran's attention.

“You’re a lost cause, Devorak,” This time Nadia’s voice is a little more clear.

“I know,” Ilya says.

When they go silent Syran tries again.

“Uhhh, hello?”

More noises. Something scrambling by the mic.

“Oh, shi– goddamn– hello? Syran? That you?”

“Yep,” She deadpans, avoiding Pasha and Asra’s eyes, “In the flesh.”

“Uh– did you– did you call me?”

“I believe you called me, Ilya,” she arches an eyebrow.

On the other side of the table, Pasha is making a kissy face and hugging herself, then mouths the word smooch. Next to her, Asra snickers. Syran rolls her eyes and turns on her seat, her back facing them.

“Ah. Right. Well, that was– not intentional. I was– discussing, with Nadia, you see.” Ilya utters, embarrassed.

“I figured,” Syran laughs, “Pretty important discussion, it seems.”

“Uh– did you hear much of that?”

Syran could barely understand, really. “Nope, mostly that Nadia’s mad about your theft.” She smiles.

“Yes, indeed. But Ferdinand and I will be okay,” He laughs, clearly more relaxed. “We fought hard and we lost our treasure, but we came out of it unscathed.”

“That’s not true–” Nadia chimes in from somewhere next to him.

Syran can’t help but laugh louder at Ilya’s theatrics this time, “Well, I’m glad you’re alive, at least.”

She is also glad that her friends can’t see her face right now, because it would be so, so, incriminating.

“So, uh, well,” Ilya continues, “Since we’re here, I was– I was wondering if you’re still on for later? For the– uh– secret mission?” Syran smirks at the way he whispers it, not subtle at all.

Suddenly aware not only of the pair of devils behind her, but also of the fact her and Ilya’s mission involves a surprise for one of them, Syran tries to not give herself away. She also probably needs to close the call, before she makes things worse for herself.

“Yep, yep, sure.” She says, quickly. “No worries.”

“Oh, great, so I’ll come–” Ilya starts.

“Yeah, work’s definitely busy today!”

“Uhm, okay, so– does that mean–”

“No, it’s fine!” Syran exclaims, trying her best to act convincingly. “Well, good luck with your– things!”

“Okay, bu–”

Syran hangs up before Ilya can finish.

“Wow,” Asra says from behind her.

Syran breathes in and takes a moment to turn back towards them, then hides her face in her sandwich.

“You two were straight-up flirting,” Pasha says, smile on her face.

Syran talks with a bite of sandwich in her mouth. “Do you even know what flirting entails? Because that was not it. That was a normal conversation. If that was flirting, then I’d be flirting with all of you. All the time. That’s not flirting.”

Cool, now she's talking way too much.

“Ah, the sweet taste of denial,” Asra sighs, dramatic and starry-eyed.

“Seriously, you guys are delusional.” Syran gives one last bite to her sandwich. “That was just an accidental dial, nothing more.”

“Yes, but why, oh, why, I wonder, was it to you? Were you so high up in his recent contacts?” Pasha squints at her, sly.

“You’re reaching. We all have a groupchat together, it could have been for any reason. You know how clumsy Ilya can be.” Syran shrugs, praying that they’ll let her live. Seriously, she does not deserve this torture. “Why are you guys so obsessed with this anyway?”

Pasha and Asra exchange a look, then they both lean back, in sync.

“Okay,” Asra states. He narrows his eyes and crosses his fingers on the table like he's a renowned detective, or something. “Let’s assume you’re right.”

“Which I am–”

“Did you mind, though?”

“What?”

“Did you mind that Ilya butt-dialed you?”

“What sort of question is that?” Syran widens her eyes, taken aback. Really, why are they so stubborn.

“Just answer, perp!” Pasha points a finger at her. Now it really feels like Syran is in an interrogation room.

“I have nothing to answer, because that is a stupid question.” She closes her lunch box with finality, looking straight into Pasha’s eyes.

“Admit it!” Asra slams a hand on the table, “You enjoy talking to him!”

Syran groans, exasperated, “Of course I do, he’s my friend! It would be mean if I didn't!”

Pasha and Asra smile at each other, “We got her, chief.” Pasha says.

“You got nothing,” Syran glares at them, “I’m going back to work.”

She gets up and gathers her things, ignoring the chorus of booos coming from her friends.

God, she loves them to bits, but they can be so annoying at times.

🂱

Somehow, she manages to slither away from the others and get back home safe.

After having sent Ilya a few explanatory texts and having agreed to meet at a cafe nearby, she finally takes a look in the mirror.

She really does look tired. Without distractions around her, the migraine is harder to ignore. She takes a relief pill and washes her ruined makeup, her face feeling cleaner. The heaviness of the day is starting to take a toll on her, she can feel it in her muscles.

When she checks the time, she realises that she’s going to be late if she doesn’t hurry up.

Quickly, she reapplies her makeup as best as she can, then throws on some clean and more comfortable clothes.

Persephone meows at her from the foot of her bed; it’s almost as if she’s smirking at her, knowing more than she lets on.

“Oh, not you too,” Syran pleads.

🂱

When she arrives at the cafe, Ilya is waiting by the entrance, casually leaning on the wall behind him. She takes a moment to look at him while he’s distracted by his phone, all perfectly styled auburn hair and dark clothes. She hates how good he looks.

(She doesn’t hate it, really, but she’ll die before she admits it.)

When he meets her eyes, a big smile sparks on his face.

“Hey,” she waves. “Hope you haven’t been waiting long.”

“Hey,” he echoes, “Not at all.”

“Shall we?”

“Ah, yes, uh– should we get some coffee to go, first, since I owe you that?” He smirks, but then his eyes glance down to the side straight away. “That’s if– if you want, of course.”

“Sounds great!” Syran nods, delighted at the thought of a hot beverage in her hands.

The cafe is cozy and warm, most of the tables are filled with people chatting or working on their laptops.

As they wait in line, Ilya and Syran talk a little about their days, how Ilya’s research is driving him insane, how Syran’s boss gave her a hundred errands until late.

“Yikes, that must be tiring,” Ilya says, concerned, as they wait for their drinks.

Ilya has ordered a black coffee with a splash of milk, Syran has opted for a matcha latte. She likes coffee, but on days like this it makes her a little too jittery.

“Yeah, I mean, no more tiring than any other job. Plus, I learn a lot. Miss Eirsdottir is tough, but she’s brilliant.” Syran finds herself fiddling with her hands. “Hopefully one day I get to do more of the parts that I really love, though.”

Ilya smiles down at her, handing her the drink. There’s a glint in his eyes that makes Syran feel light. “I’m sure you will.”

Finding a present for Pasha isn’t as easy as they thought. They scurry through shops, trying things, looking at clothes, bags, books, videogames, jewelry, vinyl records– they contemplate wine at some point but realise Nadia would like that more. Then they go back to books, but nothing seems right.

Syran would lie if she said she isn’t having fun, though. Despite some moments where she really wishes she could hide her blush, she and Ilya fall into a rhythm made of jokes, laughter, chatter, and comfortable silences.

It’s nice. Really nice. It's. You know. Friendship.

Eventually, they walk by a window that’s displaying a various array of scarfs, ranging in colours and materials.

Syran does a double-take and spots a muted orange one that makes her think of Pasha immediately.

“That one!” She exclaims pointing at the glass.

“Huh?” Ilya seems taken aback, interrupted in the middle of his story on how he once got his hand stuck in a vending machine.

“Look at that scarf, isn’t it perfect for Pasha?”

Ilya squints at the glass, trying to figure out what Syran is pointing at. “The orange one?”

“Yep! It looks so pretty!” Syran turns to him, beaming, “We should go see it!”

Ilya nods, smiling back.

The scarf turns out to be even better than they thought. It’s made of soft and light cotton, with a delicate golden pattern woven on the edges. Ilya seems elated, saying that she will love it, right? Will she love it, Syran? I think she will.

Syran smiles at his excitement, glad to see him happy about the choice. The clerk wraps it up in a beautiful gift box, eagerly explaining how the cotton is of a refined but durable quality, it makes for perfect everyday use, but also works really well for more elegant events. Ilya listens intently, as if he’s trying to remember all of it to then tell Pasha.

Ilya has a big smile plastered on his face as they exit the shop, then he turns to Syran and hugs her, all-encompassing. She’s startled, but she gingerly hugs him back.

“Thank you so much, seriously,” He mutters in her hair.

She really really hopes he can’t hear how loud her heart is beating this time.

It’s not a crush.

Is it?

When he pulls back, they’re both a little flustered. “Ehm– I mean, yeah. Thank you.”

Syran is still trying to regain herself from the sudden hug, but something in Ilya’s tone makes her wonder.

“Can I ask you something?”

Ilya seems a little surprised by the question, but nods nonetheless. “Sure.”

“Why were you so worried about this? Besides the regular stuff you told me, like. What are you really worried about?” More than out of curiosity, Syran is asking because she can sense that there’s still something bothering Ilya.

He blinks, eyes wide. Then he looks down, as if caught in the act.

“Well– I– to be honest, it’s been a little tough lately, and the work at the university isn’t helping. So I haven’t been able to be there for Pasha as much as I’d like.” He sighs, but Syran gives him time, sensing that’s not the whole story.

He looks at her, visibly worried now. “And. Well. Pasha and I have– not always been close. Our parents divorced when we were fairly young and we took different paths after I graduated high school. I left, wanting to get away from it all, and she stayed. I made mistakes, resented her for it. We argued a lot, eventually had a big fight, and– didn’t talk for a while after that. It didn’t feel good, but I was reckless and hurt and too prideful.”

He looks so sad Syran can’t help but reach out to hold one of his gloved hands. Then, he smiles, although a little bitterly. Syran thinks she sees tears in her eyes. Her heart drops to her stomach.

Ilya continues, “I mean, we fixed things in the past years and now that we live in the same town it’s great, but– I still feel like there’s an unspoken distance. I fucked up so many times before–” He cuts himself off, like it pains him to go on. “So– yeah, I just want us to get close again– I feel like I need to make it up to her, somehow.”

He blinks the tears away, chuckling nervously. “God, you must think I’m an idiot.”

“What– no!” Syran’s chest is tight. She never imagined Ilya had all of this inside. She knew there was some sort of situation between the two of them, but Pasha never liked talking about it much.

“I–I think you’re very thoughtful. And mature for wanting to own up to things. It’s heartwarming to see how much you care,” She continues under his cautious stare. “Look– I don’t know, maybe it’s not my place, but I don’t think you need to make anything up to her. You’re a wonderful brother and person. Look at how much thought you’re putting into this! Whatever happened, I am– I’m sure she knows how much you love her. I can see how happy she is to have you back in her life, too – well, in between all the bickering.”

Ilya laughs at her last words and she joins, happy to see him smiling again.

Then, her gaze softens. “I think you will be just fine. You are trying really hard, you should give yourself a break.”

Ilya smiles, gentle. Then, he seems more relieved. “Thank you. You’re– uh. Quite good at pep talks.”

She winks, “I know.” She can’t help but squeeze his hand a little. He squeezes back. Syran feels a little dazed and her chest feels a little tight, her and Ilya exchanging a soft gaze.

She’s so fucking gone, it’s no use ignoring it.

It might just be a crush.

Then, Ilya’s eyes widen, and he gasps. “You still need a present!”

“Oh, yeah,” Syran realises, waking up from her thoughts, “We don’t have to get it right now, though, I can always–”

“Nope, you helped me, now it’s your turn! Let’s go!”

He drags her through more streets like he’s a kid on a mission, it makes Syran laugh. They stop at various shops, once again searching for something perfect.

She can’t deny it, though, there’s a newfound feeling between them, maybe one of strengthened trust. They’re both laughing more, feeling more comfortable with each other than before.

Finally, a small antique shop catches Ilya’s eye. Syran walks back to look at the window with him.

It’s filled with various objects, old pocket watches, silver paraphernalia, old vases and pots, ragged dolls. Ilya seems enthralled by an old model ship, perched precariously on a small shelf.

“My grandma used to have one like that in her house,” He smiles, fondly. “I demanded to play with it whenever we visited, but she always told me it was too delicate to even look at, let alone touch.” He laughs. “I’d get all whiny then, but I get it now.” He turns to Syran, almost a little sorrowful.

“Some things are just too delicate to be reckless with.”

Syran blinks at him, ignoring the blood rushing to her ears. She turns to look at the ship again.

“I don’t know,” she says, “It looks pretty sturdy to me. It might not be ruined, but now it’s sitting in a dusty display.” She turns to him and shrugs. “Isn’t it better to enjoy things while they last, instead of holding back? ”

She’s not sure they’re talking about the ship anymore– Ilya’s gaze on her makes her breath hitch in her throat.

She turns to the window again, flustered. As she stares intently, she realises that there is a little jewelry display on the bottom. In the midst of overly ornate rings and delicate pendants, she notices what looks like a brooch.

“Hey, what do you think of that?” She points at it, hoping that Ilya will see it amongst all the things.

He leans over her shoulder– too close to her, it takes all her might not to wince, ignoring the butterflies eating at her stomach. “Which one?”

“The– uh– the little brooch with the flowers?” She looks closer. It seems like real dried flowers encased in resin. They’re small and of a pale yellow, with a few crimson ones, on a white background. A delicate pattern made of golden metal frames it.

Ilya gasps, “That looks wonderful! It might go well with the scarf too!”

Syran agrees, although she hadn’t thought of that. She swallows, then suggests they head into the store.

As she talks to the owner, Ilya looks around the shop, curiously admiring the various displays. The brooch is even more beautiful up close, and the shopkeeper explains to her how this is special and one of a kind. Promises that she will give Syran a good price for it. She thanks the woman, and asks if she can wrap it as a gift.

“No problem, dear,” The lady says, reaching for a little red satin bag. As she fills it with some cotton to shield the brooch, she glances up at Ilya, who’s now looking at a small display of old books.

“Those ones are almost all first editions, you know,” she tells him.

“Oh– really?” Ilya turns, eyes filled with wonder. “They seem well preserved!”

“Of course,” The lady nods, delicately putting the brooch inside the bag, “I only get the best quality things.”

Ilya laughs, then moves onto another window. The lady slowly ties the bag with a textured ribbon, “Your boyfriend’s got a good eye,” she whispers.

Syran’s eyes widen, and she starts to stutter. “Oh– n– he’s not– we’re not together– he’s not my boyfriend.” She matches the shopkeeper’s tone, hoping that Ilya hasn’t heard them. Luckily, he seems too enthralled by the various objects to notice.

The lady throws another look at Ilya, then raises an eyebrow with a sly smile. “Are you sure?”

Syran doesn’t know how to answer for a second. Then she nods, slowly. “Yeah, uh. I am.”

When they leave the shop, Syran sighs in relief. Partly, because she’s got a present she’s really happy with. And also because she’s out of the shopkeeper's enquiring gaze.

“Happy?” Ilya asks her, smiling.

Syran looks up at him, startled. “Ye–yes! Very! I really hope she’ll like it.”

“Oh, she will,” he reassures her.

As they make their way back, Ilya starts wondering about what to wear at the party.

“I mean, I love her, but what sort of theme is Vintage Masquerade? Like, couldn’t she pick something simple? I don’t know, casual party attire?”

Syran laughs, although she agrees. She has no idea what to wear either.

“I mean, you kind of got it easy, you could throw on some slacks, a shirt, and some suspenders or something. Or a vest. Those are vintage.” She shrugs. She doesn’t know much about this stuff, really, but she does like dressing up. That is, when the theme is clear and easy.

“I guess– not even sure I have a vest, though,” Ilya ponders.

“Well, hey, you’re going to have to ditch your bomber jacket anyway.”

He gasps, fake offended. “Excuse me, this is my piece of resistance! Keeps me warm and looks amazing!”

Syran laughs it off, “Sure, but– still doesn’t quite hit the mark, does it?”

Ilya huffs like a pouting child. It’s endearing. “Whatever, I’ll figure something out, I guess.” Then he turns back to Syran.

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“What are you gonna wear?”

Oh. With all the business of the day, she had forgotten to look for clothes or even think about it. Again.

“Uhmm–” She thinks back to her wardrobe. Mentally scans through her more formal things.

“Dunno– I guess I have a lilac dress I could wear? It’s kind of vintage? It’s the best I can do, honestly.” She huffs a small laugh, but the more she thinks about it the more she thinks the dress will be fine.

It’s made of a light and flowy material, with a high neck that closes with a few small buttons, leaving a drop–like window on the chest. It’s a delicate dress, but the knee-length skirt and cut are vintage-inspired, at least.

“That sounds nice,” Ilya hums. “Now we just gotta find some masks to go with it,” he sighs.

“Oh, well, we have about a week for that, at least.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Ilya frowns as if he’s trying to think where he could possibly find a mask.

“Although I think Pasha said there will be an array of masks to choose from at the party? Nadia knew a place or something, I think it’s to prevent people from showing up without one,” Syran realises with a smile, thinking of Pasha’s resolve and Nadia’s attention to details.

“Well, one less thing to worry about then,” Ilya sighs. “Although I hope to find one that works with my look. I’m a man of fashion, after all.”

“You could always make one,” Syran cackles, playfully hitting his arm. “And you didn’t know what to wear until I told you!”

He laughs back, teasing. “Hey, doesn’t mean I can’t dress at all!”

Syran’s smile only gets wider. It stays like that even after they’ve parted ways.

🂱

Syran doesn’t know how she got roped into this.

It all started with Asra and Nadia inviting her out for a few drinks– sure, it’s a Friday night, what’s a cocktail going to do?

So she got ready, wore one of her favourite outfits just as an incentive to feel more like going out, and met Asra at their usual place.

Except, when she arrived at the Raven, Asra and Nadia weren’t the only ones sitting at the table. A familiar head filled with auburn hair was sitting next to them, too.

Syran joined them, all smiles and greetings, and then dived immediately for the bar– anything to escape Asra’s knowing smile, Nadia’s attentive eyes, and Ilya’s annoyingly pretty face.

The bar isn’t too crowded, but thankfully still enough for her to blend with the people around her. She leans at the counter, waiting for a familiar face to greet her. Tonight Joon is working, which makes her smile. Since she and Asra have been coming here, he’s quickly become friends with them. She orders and idly chats with Joon as he makes her drink.

“Getting the usual?” A deep voice startles her.

Oh, she really can’t escape this shit.

She looks up at Ilya, who’s smirking at her. She does feel more relaxed around him now, but there are still moments like this, where he sneaks up on her and all of her blood rushes to her cheeks. To add insult to injury, Syran’s eyes can’t help but trail to Ilya’s outfit. He’s wearing a sleek black turtleneck that fits him like a glove. She doesn’t know if she hates this more or the shirts with the unbuttoned tops.

She turns back towards the bar, “Yep. Oaxaca old-fashioned all the way, baby.”

She taps her fingers on the wood and leans a little forward to look behind the counter, where Joon is just about to hand her the glass.

She grabs it with a smile, carefully taking the first sip. “Ah– you’re the best, Joon. Thank you.”

“Anytime, dear,” Joon winks at her. She loves him, honestly, and not only because he’s nice and handsome. He genuinely makes her laugh and has helped her more than a few times when unpleasant patrons have bothered her.

“Well, good, because I’ll definitely be back for another one,” she smirks and winks back.

Joon laughs, then turns to Ilya, “what can I get you?”

When Syran looks up at Ilya as she takes another sip from her glass, she notices the weird expression on his face. He’s almost frowning at Joon, but she brushes it down to his bushy eyebrows. He can unintentionally look like he’s glaring at people, when the light is right.

Then, he turns to Syran with a sly smile, “You know, I’ve never had an Oaxaca old-fashioned.”

She swallows, then puts the glass down, “You should! The ones Joon makes are god-tier.” Syran suggests excitedly.

Ilya seems to ponder on it for a second, “Mhh– but what if I don’t like it?”

Ilya’s never struck Syran for the indecisive type. But then again, maybe he just really wants to get a good drink right now. He seems to come to a realisation, just then.

“Ah– what if I tried yours?” He asks, genuine, but with a weird glint in his eyes. Syran did not expect the question, it leaves her a little dumbfounded.

“S–sure, why not–” She hands him the glass, and he grabs it, eagerly.

“Thank you,” Ilya proceeds to take a small sip from the glass, and Syran can’t help but notice that’s almost where she drank from, his lips dangerously close to the subtle stain of her lipstick.

Syran throws a glance at Joon, who’s patiently waiting for them. He shoots her a questioning look, raising an eyebrow. She just kinda shrugs.

Ilya puts the glass back on the counter, “That’s actually really really good.” He looks at it like he’s surprised.

“Told ya’,” Syran smirks.

When they get back to their table, equal drinks in their hands, Nadia and Asra are animatedly engaged in conversation. They kinda stop when Syran and Ilya arrive, turning to them with coy smiles.

Asra notices the drink in Ilya’s hand and then gasps, “Wow, she convinced you? She’s been trying to get me to drink that since forever.”

Syran rolls her eyes, “I gave up, you clearly only like extremely sweet shit–”

“And happily so,” Asra mocks her, then turns to Ilya again. “You actually like it?”

Ilya nods as if he doesn’t see what the fuss is all about, “Yeah, it’s really good.”

“It’s not as bad as you make it to be, Asra,” Nadia chimes in.

Ilya shrugs, then takes another sip. Syran can’t help but smile proudly at Asra, like she’s won an ongoing battle between the two of them.

“Well, it’s good to see you both have clearly similar tastes,” Asra says, before carefully drinking from the straw in his tall glass, filled with a bright pink cocktail. Both Ilya and Syran widen their eyes.

“Ah– guess so,” Ilya chuckles.

“Yeah,” Syran mutters, glaring at Asra. “Anyway, you guys noticed how they changed the backlight of the sign behind the bar? I actually like it better now,” Syran starts, trying to sway the conversation.

Maybe it’s not as graceful as she’d like, but it works. They all start talking about the bar and its decor, how they’ve always loved this place; time passes by and soon they’re all a little flushed and tipsy, except Nadia, who’s the designated driver for the night.

Then, at one point, Asra’s eyes trail behind Syran, and they widen in shock.

“Oh shit,” He says, crouching down as if to hide behind his drink. Nadia puts a hand on Asra’s back, concerned.

“What?” Both Syran and Ilya turn towards where Asra looked, trying to figure out what happened.

“Don’t look, you idiots!” Asra whispers, angry. “Valerius is here! Shit!”

Syran then realises, “Oh, fuck, really? I thought he didn’t come here anymore!”

“Yeah, well, he’s by the counter. Shit, fuck!”

“Who’s– uh– who’s Valerius?” Ilya asks, clearly confused.

“Asra’s awful ex,” Nadia explains, “he was an asshole and we all hate him, viciously.” She’s got fire in her eyes, and Syran knows she is mirroring it herself.

“He fucking– he cheated on me and then said it was my fault. It was– it was fucking awful.” Asra looks like he’s about to cry. Syran wants to reach for him and hug him. She knows Asra’s wound is still fresh and knows how hard it was for him to move on from the hurt.

Ilya sneers, “That’s disgusting.”

“Damn right,” Nadia adds, glaring towards where Valerius is.

“Hey, it’s okay, we can leave if you want,” Syran reaches out for Asra’s hand, trying to reassure him.

He shakes his head, sneaking another glance, “Then he will have won. Again.”

“No, he will not,” Nadia declares, “If he says anything we’ll beat the shit out of him. Fuck, even Joon will be on our side on this.”

“Nadia’s right,” Ilya adds, “Plus, I’ve dabbled in bar brawling before.”

It makes the table laugh, if a little, but it lightens the mood. It doesn’t last long, though.

“Shit– is that? Is that Lucio? Are you fucking kidding me?” Asra says, now even angrier than before.

“Oh, hell no–” Nadia goes to get up, but Asra holds her down.

“Nadi no, I just– I don’t want to see them.”

“Do you want me to drive you home?” Nadia asks. Asra nods, gingerly.

“That’s cool, Asra, we can go–” Syran starts.

“Not all at once, though–” He says, resolute. “I don’t want to draw attention.”

There’s a joke Syran could make there about how Asra doesn’t exactly blend in the crowd, with his flashy fashion and white hair, but she knows that wouldn’t make him laugh right now– clearly, all he wants to do is disappear.

“How about this,” Nadia says, turning towards Syran and Ilya, hand still on Asra’s back, “I’ll take him home and you guys enjoy the rest of your drinks. You’ve barely started these glasses, while we’re almost done. You call me when you’re finished and I’ll come back to pick you up, okay?”

“Nadi, you don’t have to–” Ilya starts, but she waves a hand to interrupt him.

“It’s no problem, really,” she smiles kindly, “You guys just enjoy the night, yeah?”

Syran looks at Asra, now clearly on the verge of tears. Whether they’re from hurt or anger, she can’t tell. Probably a mix of both. But he knows what she’s about to say nonetheless.

“Don’t worry, S,– I’ll be okay, yeah? I asked you to come out, it’s just fair that you enjoy your time. Seriously.”

Syran nods, resigned, knowing how stubborn Asra can get. “Okay but–”

“I’ll call you later, promise.”

“Promise,” Syran retaliates. A concerned frown doesn’t leave her face, even as Asra and Nadia carefully slip out the table, then towards the end of the counter, well hidden from Valerius’ attention. Syran spots Nadia talking to Joon, probably asking him to let them out through the back.

And just like that, Syran is left at the table alone with Ilya, both of them in awkward silence, staring at their drinks. Finally, Ilya speaks.

“I’ve never– I’ve never seen Asra like that.”

Syran looks at him, notices the worry in his features as he twirls the glass in his hands.

“Yeah, he tries to hide his feelings, when he can, the idiot,” she smiles bitterly; stars know how many times she’s tried to tell Asra that bottling it all up doesn’t help anyone.

“I can understand that,” Ilya looks up at her. “I hate to pry but– who’s–”

“Lucio? The guy Valerius cheated with. Also, Nadia’s ex of like–” She tries to do mental math. “Four? Years ago?”

“Yikes,” Ilya just says, taking a big sip of his drink.

“Yep– it’s– a lot.” Syran sighs, “We thought he was going to be out of our life after Nadia broke up with his ass, but– guess not.”

She inhales, exhausted only at the thought of all that happened in the past. Things were definitely messier than now. She takes another swig of her drink.

“Well–” Ilya smiles, putting his glass down, “what if we did something about that?”

The glint in his eyes is mischievous, and Syran raises an eyebrow from behind her drink.

“What do you have in mind?”

🂱

Pranks have never been something Syran thought about. Never felt the need to fill someone’s shoes with toothpaste, or hide a fake spider in the bathroom, or whatever it is that the kids do these days. She always felt bad for those people in prank videos that get visibly hurt.

But this– she didn’t mind this one bit.

She and Ilya are running out of the bar, lungs filled with laughter, as Lucio and Valerius’ screams fade behind them. They run long enough until their legs give up, and even then, they find it in themselves to keep laughing.

“Jesus– their face– priceless!” Syran heaves out.

“I told you–” Ilya adds, big smile not leaving his face, eyes all crinkled up and blush on his cheeks. “Cranberry juice always works–”

They haven’t done anything that spectacular, really, but Syran will realise this later, when the adrenaline has rushed out of her. Right now, spilling juice on those two idiots’ white clothes and making Lucio trip on his ass was enough to make her night.

“Didn’t expect you to punch Valerius, though,” Ilya grins at her, as if impressed.

Yeah, and that too.

“Me neither– I don’t condone violence, but–” Syran finally feels her breath coming back to her, “–but, god, he deserved it.”

“Sure did–” Ilya laughs with her, adjusting his coat.

They stare at each other for a few seconds, all smiles and excitement, rush of electricity that Syran hadn’t felt in a while. Not like this.

“Well–” Ilya starts, “Maybe we should– uh. Go?”

“Yeah– I could call an uber?” Syran suggests.

“Actually, I was more thinking, like– I can walk you home, maybe?” He seems almost scared to ask for a second, but then his features relax. “Honestly, I feel bad calling Nadia now and it might be good to shake the alcohol off.” He looks up at the clear sky. “It’s a nice night, anyway.”

He’s right. It’s hard to see stars from the city, but the moon is bright and beautiful.

Syran doesn’t quite know what to say, though she agrees with not bothering Nadia. She is probably busy taking care of Asra right now, and that reassures her a lot. But Syran’s house is a good thirty minutes walk away, not to mention that Ilya would have to walk back through the city for more than that.

“I– I don’t know. It’s a long way for you– and it’s late–”

“Syran, I assure you that I’ll be fine, I like walking.” He chuckles, “If anything, I know you will punch whoever gets in our way.”

Syran laughs, although a little flustered under Ilya’s endeared stare. “Yeah, I’m basically a pro wrestler now.”

They end up chatting along the way, although the cold winter wind catches up on them, but they don’t mind that much. They’re too distracted by their conversation to think about that.

Getting to know each other like this, casually, with no pressure, without inhibitions, has become natural to them. They get to talk about things that they never addressed, make jokes that seem so dumb and niche they are surprised when the other laughs.

Ilya was the last one to join their group of friends, so she can imagine he felt a little distant from everyone else at first. But it’s been over a year now, and the group feels really solid, like pieces of a puzzle fitting together with harmony.

Still, Syran always felt like her and Ilya never really got to talk much like this, just the two of them. And maybe it’s the alcohol, maybe it’s the way Ilya makes her feel at ease, but she doesn’t feel as skittish around him anymore.

Sure, her heart still jumps when he laughs, and any little brush of their arms makes her breath hitch, but– but– there’s not much of an excuse for that, other than she’s clearly got feelings for him.

It is a crush. A heavy one at that.

But she can live with it, she can just enjoy their friendship and not act on them.

They are close to her building when they are laughing at a story Syran is telling, of one time where she and Asra got lost in a park and thought a ghost was haunting them.

“I swear, Asra tried to act all brave, but–” in the middle of the phrase, a strong fit of pain hits the side of her head. She had managed to ignore the creeping migraine until then, but suddenly, it feels like her brain is about to explode. She holds a hand to where the pain is, eyes shut and slightly crouching forward.

“Syran? You okay?” Ilya reaches a hand to her shoulder, tone immediately shifting to heavy concern.

“Yeah– just– I get migraines– sometimes,” she mutters through the pain.

“That’s not good,” Ilya says. “We’re almost to your place, you think you can make it?”

“Ye–yeah– sorry–”

“Why are you apologising? Had I known, I–”

“Don’t want you to worry,” she utters, finally feeling like she can open her eyes a little, “I’m used to it.”

It does nothing to ease Ilya’s concern though. If anything, he seems to worry more, reaching to fully encase Syran in his arm, supporting her as they walk.

“Really, I’ll be okay,” she says.

“Yeah, I’ll believe that when you’re home and feeling better,” He scoffs, his hand rubbing up and down Syran’s arm. “Don’t forget I’m basically a doctor.”

It makes Syran laugh a little, “Right, Doctor Devorak, ready to help.”

“Is that a mocking tone I’m sensing, Miss Elkas?”

“No–” Syran says, teasing, although through the pain, “I wouldn’t dare.”

Ilya laughs, then seems to hold her tighter. “Almost there.”

They finally reach her building, and she gingerly gets out her keys to open the door.

“Thank you,” she turns to say goodbye to him, “Get home safe.”

But he just stares at her. “Didn’t I say I’ll stop worrying until you’re home?”

Syran chuckles, “But I am–”

“Yeah, I meant home home. I’ll take you up–” then he widens his eyes, catching himself. “That’s if– if you’re okay with that, of course.”

Syran thinks about it for a second, but the pain is too strong to argue right now. She just nods and mutters a okay, and goes to let Ilya through before her.

Sometimes things just don’t go as planned, though.

As she’s about to follow behind him, something hits her shoulder, and hard. She turns just in time to see someone running past her, then she loses her balance and hits the floor.

The last thing Syran sees before passing out is Ilya’s hands reaching for her.

[turniptrekking]

the zodiac signs except its my dumbass friends

ARIES: they come in two flavors: anime geek who loves to scream and literally every teacher hates them, or super pure and probably an angel in disguise. if they’re the first variety then watch out. they have constant detentions although they’re super smart, and fails every class because they just don’t care. if they’re the second flavor, then they’re the pure one or the baby of the friend group. the whole group would protect them with their life. holds grudges for years though

TAURUS: another two flavors: either very arrogant and thinks they’re better than everyone else or a huge crowd pleaser and the most popular person at school. if it’s the first one, then they’re literally math geniuses. they pretend to hate you but secretly would do anything for you. such a sweetheart honestly, although they won’t give you answers on tests. if it’s the second one, they’re the popular kid who’s actually really nice to everyone. is sooooooooooooo kind to every person they mees, and overuses the word broski like crazy. an athlete, and eats all the snacks. 

GEMINI: one main flavor: LOUD. they are soooooooooooooooooooooooooo loud and chatty, especially around the people they want to impress. always screaming and ships everyone in harry potter (which is why they’re best friends with cancer) they’re so loud omg my ears. really likes pockets and loves to dress up. bougie af and enjoys the finer things in life, although they have ZERO. MONEY. always steals money. you do NOT want to be their enemy, they know everything about everyone. BLACKMAIL!!!!!

CANCER: two flavors: one is very emotional and easily upset, and the other is super whiny. the first one needs everyone to be happy or else they can’t be happy. thinks electronics suck and that books are the way to go. sports geek. the other flavor however is glued to their phone 24/7 and reads wattpad during class. hates school and always whining about how their life is so hard when they can’t afford mcdonalds. also, rich but shares all the money with their friends. they’re best friends with gemini because they both like expensive things, and they both obsess over fanfiction. 

LEO: one major flavor: has a different personality for every person they meet. is the type to give candy to everyone in class for valentines day, even people they don’t like. very popular, and says “broooooooooooo” all the time. really smart but hates school like aries. very sexual, always talking about their ass. will literally slam their head into a pole for 20 dollars because they spent all their money on shoes. hates people who spend too much, but that’s exactly what they are.

 VIRGO: one main flavor: sweetheart. kids a lot, always making jokes about his friends, but they have the best intention. if you need something from them, they’ll always listen to what you have to say and do their best. popular, cool, calm, and a major athlete. HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTT. there, i said it. so attractive and everyone knows it, but they all tease them about it. the type to remember your birthday and go out of their way to bake a cupcake just for you to make you feel special. 

LIBRA: one major flavor: scary as hell. will “curb stomp a hoe” in their own words. will literally blow you for money and attracts everyone. heartbreaker, they’ll play with your heart and stomp it on the floor. slacker, but one with style. passionate about the things they love. great actor, because they dramatic af. the type to watch crime shows for HOURS. date night = sky diving. super daring and a matchmaker, ships all their friends

SCORPIO: so many flavors, four at the top of my head. one of them is a total dumbass, but such a sweet person. failing every class but everyone loves them because they’re so kind. “it’s not a phase it’s a lifestyle” they say after eating the 90th chicken nugget. another is SUPER smart, child einstein. nice, but you can’t really have a convo with them because they’re too busy planning how to end global warming by themselves. probably speaks at least 5 languages. another is a total psycho, watches porn constantly and a horny little bitch. anime hoe and is super scary to people who don’t know them. tough love, always yelling at people but secretly loves them. the last one is quiet and soft spoken. sweet, kind and loves their friends

SAGITTARIUS: three flavors: super smart and will literally correct you if f you make the smallest mistake, throws their degrees in your face. “its OFFEN, not OFF-TEN” same energy as “its leviOsa, not LEviosAaAaaa” another is a major athlete and class clown. all the teachers hate them but all the students love them, they make the class that much more fun. the third one is so much fun to be around but so chaotic. will send memes at two am usually followed by “UBOUBEUVOBEOVB” super sarcastic which makes them great friends with pisces, who is also extra af

ill finish this up soon, probably next monday :)

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #376

“when the wind bends the branch to softly touch me  /  when the band plays your song  /  i feel strong enough to keep dreaming”

If your s/o smoked pot/did drugs would you care? Yes, but for pot that's only because it's illegal here. I also find smoking to be a turn-off, but I'd be able to look past that if it was for actual health reasons. Do people ever call you by your last name? No. Has the last person you dated/fell in love with ever seen you cry? Yes. Where are you going on your next vacation (or where do you WANT to go)? I've got none planned, nor do I know where I'd want to prioritize. Like there's South Africa, but I first need to get healthier before I could handle the heat and trudging through sand. I want to go to Yellowstone National Park to spread Teddy's ashes there (seeking permission of course), but again, I need to be in better shape before I go on a venture of photographing there, as well. I need to be healthier to do a lot of the things I want to... Do you own anything bought in another country? No. Who do you text the most? Sara. Four things you wish you had? Better health (including mental), financial stability, a job, and motivation to indulge more in my artistic hobbies. What was the last thing you cried about? Stress regarding this dog we're stuck with. What is your favorite Elvis song? Probably "You're The Devil In Disguise." Do you think you could be the next American Idol? Ha, absolutely not. Do you prefer reading fiction or non-fiction? Fiction, by a long shot. Does anybody send you money in the mail for your birthday? No. My grampa used to, but he's been dead a couple years. Who is one person you met and automatically didn’t like? I was not a fan of a doctor I once saw for my tremors. She was very rude and just threw the idea of me having Parkinson's or something at what, 17 years old or whatever? My psychiatrist knows her as well and knows she's a whackjob. Heard her name and was essentially like "ew" lmao. What monster would you be most afraid to have in your closet? A male one with a knife, I guess. I really hate knives. And men scare me anyway. Which Adam Sandler movie do you like the most? I don't know, he's in too many to possibly think of one right off the top of my head. Who was one of your first celebrity crushes? Jesse McCartney was my first true love, haha. Have you ever been hit on through text messages? Yes. Do you have to do any yard work? No. Have you ever mowed the lawn? No. Do you get an allowance? No. Did you ever know your great grandparents? I think I knew one? There was this woman from my childhood I knew as "GG" for "great grandma," but I have no recollection of who she was related to or even if she was directly related to me. I remember that I really really liked her, though. Do you like the taste of Tums? It's the texture I really don't like. The candy-like Tums though, y'know, not the chalky ones, I like more than someone should like medicine, haha. How about Pepto Bismol? Omfg no. Do you have a fast or slow metabolism? I have a slow metabolism, but thank Christ it's not as bad as when I was on Abilify. That stupid fucking medicine was the reason I gained so much weight that I haven't been able to lose. What’s your favorite onomatopoeia? (Crash, bang, zoom, meow) I dunno. Do you eat ramen? There's only one specific kind of ramen I've had that I like: Yakisoba's spicy chicken one. Sweet or regular pickles? Regular. I don't like sweet pickles. What kind of dreams do you have most often? Since my nightmares started, violent ones. I'm usually trying to defend myself or lashing out at someone myself. What do you do for personal growth? I try to be a deep thinker, for one. This can way too easily lead to overthinking, but I appreciate that I think it at least helps me learn from my mistakes and work towards making me a better person. I need to start challenging my anxiety more, as that would definitely be massive growth... If you could read anyone’s mind, who would be the first person you’d read? Jason's, only because all I want to know is if he thinks I was emotionally abusive after the breakup or not. But I also don't want to know. Do you have a makeup item or style trick that you feel improves your look significantly and that you feel like you couldn’t go without now that you have it? No. What’s your favourite cereal? Probably Cinnamon Toast Crunch, but I like a lot of cereals. Do you prefer red wine or white wine? I don't like wine. Way too bitter. Do you read Reddit? If so, how often and what subreddits do you like? I don't, but I've thought about lurking on a reptile husbandry one or something like that. Might learn some stuff. But at the same time, there are so many conflicting and very strong opinions amongst hobbyists to the point of awful toxicity that I'd rather not read. Have you recently broken up with a significant other or even just a friend? No. Have you ever eaten at a restaurant and left without paying? God no. When was the last time you played a board game? What did you play? Probably Scrabble back when Sara visited. Do you primarily use cash or card for your purchases? Why? Cash, because I don't have a debit or credit card. Do you believe sex should be mandatory in an ongoing dating relationship? Um, no? Some people don't care for it, and that's completely fine. Have you ever recorded yourself doing a cover of a song? No. Any secrets you’d never tell anyone? No matter how close they are to you? Yes. Do you like deviled eggs? NO. FUCK that yolk shit. What career are you most interested in? I still think my first career goal, a paleontologist, would be most interesting and exciting. Like just IMAGINE discovering a new dinosaur. And it's such a job of passion - you have to be so, SO careful and invest so much time in slowly recovering it from millions of years of rock and sand and time. I can only imagine the feeling of accomplishment when an excavation is complete. Have you ever seen a rooster? Yeah? What do you think about religion? Honestly, I personally wish it had never been a thing. It's brought with it so much hatred and bigotry, but I do acknowledge at the same time it's brought great comfort and hope to some people, and that's wonderful. But just all things considered, I feel it's done more harm than good. What’s your favorite sweetheart name (baby, honey, angel, dumpling) Probably "lovely." Has a little kid ever fallen asleep on your lap before? Yes, back when I babysat my neighbor's kid once. Have you ever thrown a grenade? Yikes, no. Have you ever talked face to face with someone famous before? No. Have you ever owned a rocking horse? I don't think so? If you could meet anyone in the world who would it be? HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Have you ever wished you were dead? Yes. Is it awkward when people start talking all deep around you? No, I actually like deep convos. Have you ever played the old school Pac Man arcade game? Possibly? Ever played Mario Karts on Nintendo 64? No. Have you ever been scuba diving? No. Can you surf/boogie board? No. Do you like Chinese food, Mexican food, or American food better? American. What’s your favorite thing to order from Taco Bell? Cheese quesadilla and fiesta potatos. Sometimes I get the cinnabon delight thingies, but I avoid 'em with how unhealthy they are. Do you like hot, cold, or lukewarm showers? Pretty hot. Do you like to swing? I LOVED swinging as a kid. I haven't done it in a very long time now. How about jumping on a trampoline? I loved that as a kiddo, too. I haven't done that in years. What are you favorite color eyes? Sapphire blue or like an emerald green. Do you have long arm hair? Nah, at least I don't think so. What third generation console is your favorite? PS3, Xbox 360, or Wii? I loved my PS3. I'm still so bummed mine broke. How often do you like to have sex? I'm not sexually active, but even when I was, I didn't care. Do you have a facial expression you seem to pull a lot? What is it? Not really. I think I look stoic most of the time. Do you always listen to music when you’re online? No; I usually have a let's play or something like that on that I can split my screen and watch while doing something else. If so, what are you currently listening to? I'm listening to "Love Goes On And On" by Lindsey Stirling and Amy Lee right now. Do you ever forget how to do really simple things? Like what? Yes, like how to control the laundry machine and other things like that. There's just so many options that I never, ever remember what to set it to, no matter how many times Mom shows me. That's how my memory is with most things these days, really... Were you born with naturally straight teeth? No; I needed braces. If you were the opposite gender, what name would you like to be called? Uhhh maybe Severin. Do you prefer original or sour Skittles? I love both, but sour wins. What about chocolate or peanut M&M’s? I also enjoy both, but the original are better. Your favourite band: Do you prefer their old or new stuff? That's like... impossible to answer, lol. I just love everything. Do you check to make sure your ear phones are going in the right ear? No. Do you secretly still listen to Ace of Base? I have no idea who that is. Have you ever broken someone else’s bone? No, thank goodness. I'd feel awful. Is it stupid to think you can write a book at thirteen? No?????????? There are incredibly talented writers out there at young ages. Hell, I remember as a kid, I wanted to be the youngest published author way before that age. Are you ever embarrassed about what you dream about? There've been some I wouldn't share. Have you ever had sex with someone as a favor? No, and I never would. Does your mom let you date? I'm 25, my dude. She let me when I felt ready, though. If you had the last person you kissed’s Facebook password, would you go snooping through their stuff? Why or why not? She doesn't have one, but hypothetically, fuck no. Because that's none of my damn business, and it still wouldn't be even if we were still dating. Have you ever fainted? If so, when was the last time? If not have you ever come close? I've fainted once when I was a teen and have come close many other times. Ever take a keyboarding class? Do you type using the skills you learned in class, or how you used to before you took the class? Yeah; it was mandatory for I think one year in middle school. I type how I was taught in there. Do you find your best friend’s significant other/crush attractive? She doesn't have an s/o, and idk who her "real" crush is, as much as she'd love Frieza to be real, haha. What do you do with your clothes that don’t fit anymore or just don’t want? Donate them. Do you cut out coupons? My mom will keep some fast food ones she gets in the mail sometimes. Did you ever breathe in helium and talk funny afterwards? I think I did once at a birthday party, but I'm unsure. Would you ever open your own business? If so, what kind of business could you imagine yourself having? I want to be a freelance photographer so, so badly. I want to specialize in nature and wildlife, but having a boudoir studio would be great to help keep me afloat, plus I adore the art of boudoir. I've shot it once for an old friend, and by god, I loved how empowered it made her feel, especially as a plus-sized woman. She adored the pictures, and I'd just love to help other clients feel like they're gorgeous in their unique body, too. Last type of candy you ate? I had a donut from Starbuck's yesterday. Did you decorate your house for Halloween? If so, how many decorations? Did you go all out, or just put up a few things? Mom and I don't really decorate anymore. :/

[arterwich]

CW/TW - DEAD BODY, DEATH OF A LOVED ONE, DEATH, CANCER

I truly do wonder if my mum's death will get any easier. Like, it's been about 8 and a half months now since she passed, but it still feels like a dream. It still feels like she'll walk through the front door with another bloody plant or something that she found whilst out kerbing/buying things off of fb marketplace - but I know realistically she won't. It's still so weird to see what would be her body in the bottle-urn container that the funeral home gave us with her ashes in it.

I honestly thought that it would be easier to acknowledge the fact that she's gone and never coming back. That I'll never be able to take her out to dinner for her birthday & mother's day presents. That we'll never go to visit England together, despite having made plans to do so in 2020 (thanks covid for fucking ruining them btw - oh and fuck cancer). She'll never be able to help me out when I start house hunting, or when I go furniture shopping. She won't get to see my older sister get married to the love of her life. She won't be here for any of it.

I honestly regret the fact that I was so chill with her being in hospital for those two weeks before she passed. But, considering that mum basically had her own bed/room at RPH, due to how often she was a patient there (and at 2 other hospitals as well) due to her many illnesses/health problems she had, it was kind of the normal thing for her to be in hospital. I just wish that the cancer had been found sooner than it was (or sooner than we were told at least - cause I still remember overhearing her phone convo with the specialist and the words "it's possible that the cancer has come back" and having a very bad feeling about everything), cause it's just not fair that she, my mum who has beaten ever single medical/health problem that appeared in her life (3 strokes, bell's palsy that left her with permanent muscle damage/weakness to the right side of her face, kidney disease, liver problems, (possibly genetic) breast cancer (she was 4th gen in my fam to have it), diabetes, COPD...) to the point where she could live with it with only minor struggles, was once again dealt the sgittiest fucking hand by the fucking universe and given another set of obstacles to cross. Unfortunately, the lung cancer (which turned out to be metastatic and had found it's way to her liver) was the one thing that she truly could not overcome.

Seeing her in hospital the day before she passed away was truly horrifying as well as terrifying. This woman - who I had always seen with a stiff upper lip who didn't let her emotions out nor did she ever show anyone how much pain she truly was in - was reduced to... fuck I don't even know the words to describe how she was, but watching her head loll around and her eyes roll around her head, whilst her hands had to be mitted so she couldn't scratch herself or rip her drip/lines out, and her mouth being so clenched shut that she could barely speak... it was honestly the day I knew that she truly was never going to ever get better.

The morning before mum passed, we all went in to see her and she had managed to tell us, through clenched teeth, how much she loved us kids, and dad as well - which was a surprise (but not really) considering their marriage had fallen apart. The doctors had taken us all aside to talk about how we wanted to proceed with her (mostly talk of palliative care, DNRs, that sort of thing) and after coming to a decision, we all went back to my Auntie's house. It was there that we got the phone call from the hospital that mum had passed away at 3.40pm that day. I've never seen my family so torn apart, and we have had many of our family members (older half-brothers, aunt, cousins, mothers/grandmothers, and fathers/grandfathers) pass away - but it was heartbreaking and wrenching to watch/experience.

We went in to say our goodbyes in the hospital before the funeral home would come to take her body away and honestly - it was the most peaceful and relaxed I had ever physically seen her. Alive, she was always in pain, but when I saw her body laying on the bed? I never realised how much pain she truly must have been in until I saw the relaxed state of her body and of her face in particular.

Honestly, the one thing I truly want to know about the afterlife, and with her and the test of my family that have passed on - is that she's no longer in pain and is finally comfortable. That she can finally breath without having a coughing fit that would leave her bedridden because her lungs were dying and nobody knew. Ngl, I thought when mum got closer to the 'dying age' - you know, late 80s/90s - that she and dad would be living in granny flats on acreage that I owned so that she could have her little garden and independence, and dignity that wouldn't have been given to her at one of the local nursing homes. Whilst I could still take care of her and keep and eye on her. If she's reading this over my shoulder as I'm typing it with tears in my eyes and the hope that autocorrect does right by me, I only have one thing to say:

I'm so sorry mum. I'm so sorry that the last months of your life were spent trying to motivate and encourage a house full of unmotivated, and severely depressed people who had truly given up on life (yourself included) - to actually live their lives and do something for themselves.

And one other thing, as terrible as it sounds: I'm truly happy that I'll never have to come out to you as a trans nonbinary person, cause I know for certain you would definitely tell me that I'm faking it (like you said about me behind my back to the family about me lying about being bi and that it was only a phase), kick me out of the house, or never talk to me again. You honestly made me feel like a piece of shit and treated me like shit after I came out to you initially as being bi, and I know for certain you'd have done the same, if not worse had I ever gotten the chance to come out as being nonbinary - especially after the transphovic comments you made at that clan dinner evening - you know exactly which one I'm talking about.

[uncloseted]

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1/2 Hi. I think I could use some help, I'll try to make this short. When I was 14yo (I'm 20 now) I dated a 18yo guy, thank God we were taking it slow and never made things official. Now that I'm older I can see that relash was rlly wrong. He was manipulating, used me to boost his ego, forced me to do things I wasn't comfortable doing and I think although we weren't official, he cheated on me? (more on that later). After a few months of fooling around, I found out something about him that I didn't like and confronted him about it, with the intention of ending that relash. He started begging me not to leave him, asking me tricky questions about the things I had heard of him with the intention of "making me realize" he did nothing wrong, and he even became violent with the person who told me those things, to the point I couldn't break up with him because I was scared. I just stopped answering his texts and calls because I was afraid of even talking to him and eventually he took the hint and suggested we broke up. We decided to stay friends, but that only lasted a few days, because one day, via Facebook Messenger, he suggested we got back together and I rejected him, so he blocked me. Months later, I had to close my Facebook due to harassment (not related to him) and opened a new one. Facebook showed me his profile in 'people you may know' and I decided to peek out of curiosity. Turns out, the moment we broke up, he started uploading photos with his new girlfriend. The descriptions of those pics said the exact same things he used to tell me, and I ain't good a math but I did some calcs and he had to be with her while still being with me lmao. I really didn't care, I was just happy I got rid of him, and I moved on with my life. Some time later I fell head over heels for a guy from my workplace, who I still hold close to my heart. I have trust issues and I am a very private person, especially with my relashs, so I didn't tell anyone about this guy except from like 3 friends. One of them was a girl (that we'll call Anne) who was like a sister to me, and was also friends with my ex. Over the next 2 years I had a relash with this guy, everytime I talked to Anne I used to tell her more details about my relash. Then, one day, I got a text from my ex. He texted me like we were besties and nothing had ever happened between us, like he didn't block me TWICE (yeah, he blocked me from my new Facebook too even though I never tried to reach out to him). I was angry at his nerve and told him so, he realized I was upset and changed his persona from confident and tough as nails to regretful and soft, telling me he was sorry for being so immature all those years before, but excusing his shitty behavior by saying he always "kept an eye on me". Um, wtf? He told me he was always asking stuff about me to Anne, looking out for me. I wanted to know what exactly he knew, but, trying to manipulate me again, he said he would only tell me if I accepted to play a game with him: I could ask him one question if he would ask me one in exchange and so on, and we had to be ttly honest with each other. I really didn't wanna get into his shenanigans but I only had one question (wtf do u exactly know about me, creep?) so I accepted. He asked his question first (dID u fEeL sAd wHeN i bLoCkEd U?) and I asked mine. I thought he maybe knew something about my school stuff and MAYBE that I had been dating someone else. Turns out he knew every. single. detail about my personal life. Not only he KNEW I was with other guy...

2/2 Not only he KNEW I was with other guy. He knew his entire name, the school he attended and every little detail from our relationship and other stuff about my personal life. Every single thing I told Anne, opening my heart to her, she told him. I felt terribly violated. I felt like a dissected frog, open for anyone to see my most inner parts. I felt ashamed, unprotected, sad and angry, all at the same time. I told him what he did was disgusting, to never reach me again or try to "keep an eye on me", and that I would make that job easier for him by getting Anne out of my life. He apologized, said he understood the situation, would respect my wishes, and wished me a happy life. I thought that was it. It took me a while but I got to heal, to feel safe again, although I still have a hard time trusting my friends. But I was wrong. Months later he sent me a Friend Resquest. I was a lil afraid, but tried to calm myself saying he probably just was checking if I was still upset, so I rejected the request and again convinced myself that was really it. But then he sent some girls to take pictures of me during my high school graduation ceremony and recently, his cousin (who was my friend when we were 14 but haven't talked since) texted me. I know that sometimes nostalgia makes you reach out to old friends, but we weren't close at all. Besides, he acted super weird, didn't even try to make small talk or let the convo flow naturally, but went straight for super specific and weird questions: are you studying college? what are you doing with your life? are you in a relationship? I was really weirded out and considered the possibility he may have been asking all those things because my ex asked him to do so, so I kept my answers short and vague, not giving him the info he wanted, and although I def came out as cutting, he kept asking. I tried to still be friendly because I didn't wanna seem paranoid, but I think he realized I wasn't telling him anything over texts, so he asked me to meet again over some beers with his friends on October 27th and that's when I stopped answering. I thought about that strange invitation for a few days until it hit me: October 27th is my ex's birthday. So much about respecting my wishes. I spent the rest of that month really nervous that cousing would try to reach out again, but nothing happened and I started to feel calmed again. Until, in November, he wrote me again, this time asking me if I wanted to go to the beach with his friends. I haven't even bother to open that text. Since them, I've been super paranoid. I know my ex's attacks aren't that consecutive (more like every two years: he contacted me and sent me that friend request when I was 16, hijacked my graduation at 18 and now sends his cousin at 20) but I can't help but think he's always there "keeping an eye on me" and planning his next move. I stopped accepting any friend requests because I'm afraid he will send someone for me, and if someone I already have on my friend list but idk texts me and after some small talks asks me about my life, I get paranoid and ask them why they wanna know and if they have some hidden intentions. Also, there's a mall near his house, and everytime I have to go there to buy something, I feel like crying because I'm afraid I'll stumble with him. I probably sound crazy. Some people may think I'm exaggerating and I should just let my ex stalk me and act all obsessed, but I feel dirty everytime I think about him knowing my personal stuff. It was just so traumatizing the first time. Do you get me? I feel like nobody gets me. Please help me, what can I do? I don't know how to make him stop, I'm tired of living in fear.

Not to start this off with an unrelated thought, but when did Tumblr get rid of its character limit on asks? I don’t think I’ve ever seen it let someone send in a message this long in one ask.

To get to your situation, I can definitely see why this would be a stressful and uncomfortable situation for you.  The first thing I would do is to stop interacting with your ex and people related to your ex.  You don’t owe his cousin anything.  Block both of their numbers, block their social media accounts, etc., and do that for everyone else who’s friends with your ex (or put them on limited profile/create a “close friends” list on social media).  Tell all of your friends in no uncertain terms that you don’t want them talking about you to your ex, even if it’s stuff that seems harmless, and cut those people off if they do talk to your ex about you.  

The other action you could take is to file a restraining order.  If you go down that route, you’ll have to fill out some forms and file them with the court, and then have a hearing with a judge where you explain your situation.  Then, you’ll have a second appearance in court where the stalker is present, and you both get the opportunity to explain the situation.  The judge will then determine the final order and the conditions of that order.  It can be a bit of an involved process, but it may give you some peace of mind.

The last thing I would suggest is going to therapy.  It seems like you’ve been through something traumatic, and a mental health professional can help you to work through that and move on from it.  There are many options for therapy, both online and in-person.  If you have health insurance, your insurance should cover at least some therapy sessions.  If not, some therapists provide services on a sliding-scale, and online services like BetterHelp can be less expensive than traditional therapy.