#at least my dog will be happy that im home early..

[in-stitchesx]

The ops sent me home from work because apparently sobbing behind the counter isn't good for business even if you give the customers a smile.. foiled again.

[megalony]

A Bad Night

This is an Evan Buckley imagine, requested by a lovely anon. I hope you will all like it, feedback always makes my day.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem@sj-thefanthefan@hellsdragon@im-an-adult-ish@crazylittlethingg@allauraleigh@onceuponadetectivedemigod@ceres27@avyannadawn@sleepylunarwolf@coverupps@justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii  @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyjen @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff @ashie-babie @classyunknownlover @jayyeahthatsme @sp1ritssz @dumb-fawkin-bitch @oliverstarksbae @gimatida @heart-35 @supernaturalstilinski @stefansalvatoresgf @kyky9103 @wutheringhearts2275 @gay4hotmilfs

Evan Buckley Masterlist

Summary: Evan always looks after (Y/n) when she has seizures, but when she has continuous seizures during the night that won't stop, he has to call an ambulance.

Enjoy.

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A soft grin appeared on Evan's lips as he kicked off his trousers and pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it into the hamper as he approached the end of the bed.

He crawled up the middle of the bed, waiting until he saw (Y/n)'s eyes begin to flutter open before he slumped down on top of her over the covers. He felt her huff even though he tried to keep some of his weight on his forearms that he pressed down into the bed either side of (Y/n)'s shoulders.

His face tucked into the crook of her neck and he pressed his lips against her skin, reaching out to bite down just to hear her gasp into his hair.

"Did you have fun?" (Y/n) murmured quietly, not bothering to open her eyes while she groggily lifted her arms and looped them around Evan's neck. She pressed her lips into his hair and breathed in his skin, happy he was finally home.

"Hm, missed you though. You good?"

Evan had gone over to Hen's place for tea along with Eddie and Chimney and they had a games night. Not a lot of drinking for a change because both Chimney and Evan were on shift tomorrow for a double shift, but they still had a good night.

The only thing that upset Evan was (Y/n) not coming along. She'd had two absent seizures today which made her feel sick and gave her a constant headache. She didn't feel well enough to go out but she would never want to stop Evan from going to have some fun and let off steam with his colleagues.

"Still got a headache; I'm glad you're home." (Y/n) could feel the headache burning behind her eyes. She had come to bed early and had to turn the tv off when it only made her feel worse.

Evan had messaged her at least four or fives times every hour. He needed to make sure she was okay and made her promise that if she had another seizure, she would tell him so he could come home. But he was satisfied that she hadn't and had gone to bed to try and sleep away her headache.

"Me too." He leaned up on his arms and lifted his head so he could capture her lips in a kiss. He tilted his head to the left and looked across at his space of the bed which was currently occupied. "Dexter, shift up."

Evan ruffled Dexter's ear and gave the dog a nudge until he took the hint. The labrador stretched out before he circled round and hopped off the bed.

It was like a silent agreement between Evan and the dog. If Evan was out or at work, Dexter could be in his space on the bed and lie with (Y/n) and snuggle up and stay close. But if Evan was home, it was his space to be next to his wife and Dexter would sleep on his bed that was at the end of (Y/n)'s side of the bed.

He was a service dog.

With (Y/n)'s epilepsy and Evan's demanding job, they got Dexter so if (Y/n) went out, she wasn't technically alone. He would alert her up to an hour before a seizure was about to happen, he would stay beside her and protect her and alert help if it was needed.

Evan pecked (Y/n)'s lips again before he slowly rolled onto his side and wormed his way under the cover. A grin found its way onto his face again when (Y/n) instantly shuffled over into his side.

Her head moved to rest on his shoulder and she tightly bound her arm over his torso, pulling him into her chest like he was a lifesize teddy bear. He hooked his arm over her shoulders and took to gliding his hand up and down her arm while he kissed the top of her head.

He took a deep breath and tried to close his eyes and shut down his mind. He needed some sleep. He was at work at ten in the morning and it was a double shift which meant he wouldn't be home until the next morning.

Usually when Evan had long shifts and (Y/n) didn't want to be home alone, she would go and spend the day with Bobby, Athena or May or even Maddie. With Bobby being her dad, it meant (Y/n) had a big support network so she didn't have to be alone if she didn't want to be. And Maddie was now the sister she'd never had and was always willing to go out with her or stay in and have a movie day if she felt like having some company.

"Night baby."

Evan wasn't sure what woke him.

He took a deep breath, then another deeper one when he felt that familiar weight on his chest signalling his wife was still flopped across him. It was comforting to have (Y/n) laid on top of him and Evan didn't sleep as well if (Y/n) wasn't as close as she was now.

He could feel her head tucked up beneath his chin, his left arm draped around her waist and his right arm hanging off the side of the bed.

But his mind started to go on red alert when he realised why he was awake. Dexter was barking. He felt a cold, wet nose brushing against his hand before Dexter let out a low growl and then another bark.

(Y/n) was going to have a seizure.

"Fuck. Alright boy, shh I'm awake it's okay." Evan scratched the back of Dexter's ear and gave him a gentle nudge to try and settle him. He knew as long as he alerted Evan, he didn't have to sit and bark continuously or try to move (Y/n).

It was Evan's job to look after her when he was home.

He stretched his hand out and turned the bedside lamp on before his arms curled around (Y/n). One hand cupped the back of her neck and the other curled around her waist before he slowly rolled them over so (Y/n) was laid on her back.

"Baby… baby wake up for me." His hand cupped the side of (Y/n)'s face and he leaned his weight on his left arm as he leaned over her.

A quiet murmur passed (Y/n)'s lips but she didn't move. Evan couldn't tell whether she had started to wake up or whether she went straight into a seizure.

All he knew was that she didn't manage to open her eyes or respond to him. A steady trembling set in her system and Evan moved to sit up instead of lean over her. He swiped the pillow from beneath her head and chucked it to the floor before he threw the cover off them both so it didn't get tangled around her limbs.

"Alright baby, shh. Keep breathing, you're good, I've got you." Evan kept his words steady and calm as he moved his hand back to cup her neck and check her pulse. Evan knew most of her recent seizures hadn't lasted long, two minutes was the usual mark for the last few months.

He tried to smile down at her and he kissed her forehead while he continued to smooth his thumb across her cheek. Her pulse was steady and right now, she was only shaking back and forth on the bed. But Evan could feel her muscles tensing up and he knew she was going to go into a tonic clonic seizure soon.

A few seconds later, Evan leaned back just before (Y/n)'s arm lashed out and clocked him in the chest.

He sat up in the middle of the bed and crossed his legs beneath him before he grabbed his phone and set it beside his leg. He swiped through and found his stopwatch and clicked it on. This was the easiest way to check how long she seized for.

"Good girl, you're doing so good."

Evan bit down on his lower lip and rubbed a hand across his jaw as he watched his wife.

Her head pressed back into the mattress, pushing her trachea out as her upper chest lifted up off the bed and her shoulders bashed down into the bed. Her legs started to thrash more violently into the bed and while her left hand curled back and slammed down into the bed, her right hand moved near Evan.

He reached over and carefully moved her hand so her arm was resting over his thighs. He let her arm smash down into his thighs while he rubbed his hand up and down her arm to let her know he was still here with her.

Evan rested his chin on his free hand and kept glancing his eyes over to his phone. He didn't like this. The timer was ticking away and (Y/n) wasn't showing any signs of stopping. She was thrashing, shaking and taking very short breaths through clenched teeth as her jaw was now locked tight.

His fingers tightened around (Y/n)'s arm when her head tilted to the side and her thrashing suddenly escalated. He watched in horror as her left arm jerked out into the side table and her legs were almost bashing into her stomach before they slammed down into the bed.

The sudden movements made Evan jolt back on the bed and when he heard Dexter begin to whine and brush his nose against (Y/n)'s arm, he knew this was only going to get worse.

"Okay baby girl, I need to move you."

He carefully slid a hand beneath her neck and his other held her hip so he could slowly rotate her onto her left side with her back facing his chest. He had to get her in the recovery position because she was going to hurt herself and he wouldn't put it past her to start throwing up.

His held her waist and he leaned over her with his chest inches away from her arm. He was desperate to lay down and hold her against his chest and kiss her and tell her she was okay but he couldn't. The most he could do was keep her head tilted down and prevent her from choking or falling off the bed.

"Fuck, sweetheart you're really starting to scare me now, I don't like this." Evan could feel the panic bubbling away in his chest when he looked down at his phone.

Three minutes, thirty-five seconds.

"No- no baby oh God come here! Hey, I got you, it's alright."

Jumping forward, Evan slammed his chest into (Y/n)'s back and hooked his right arm around her middle just before she slid off the bed. Her legs thrashed out so much they went over the side and the rest of her body started to follow until Evan grabbed her. He pulled her backwards until she was laid awkwardly in the middle of the bed.

But she wasn't stopping. Her breathing wasn't great. Her limbs were flying about and she was so tense she felt like an elastic band about to snap.

Four minutes, twenty-two seconds.

"Baby I gotta get us some help this ain't good."

He briefly let go of (Y/n) so he could grab his phone before his hand moved straight back to cradling her neck and his other hand delicately smoothed up and down her side. Her legs were jerking and flailing back and forth and she had one arm pinned to her chest while the other was hanging over the side of the bed thrashing like she was being electrocuted.

"Alright baby, you're okay I'm here. I'm gonna take care of you I promise." He leaned down and kissed her shoulder while he dialled an all too familiar number.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"This is firefighter Buckley from the 118 LAFD. I need an ambulance to Hillside Court apartment four-B. My wife's having a seizure."

"Okay, what's her name? Is she prone to seizures, or is this her first?"

"(Y/n) Buckley. She's epileptic, but she hasn't had one this bad in months… Jesus, I've not had to call an ambulance for her like this in over a year." The last time Evan had to call an ambulance was when they were engaged. And they had been married for almost two years now.

He had taken (Y/n) to hospital after a day of full on seizures that continued throughout the day. He'd taken her when she seized and bashed her head into the coffee table. And he'd taken her when she seized, came back round and couldn't move her limbs for over an hour.

But Evan hadn't called an ambulance for her in years. He hadn't seen (Y/n) have a proper spasming seizure lasting this long in ages.

"Is she still seizing?"

"Yes, we're up to the five minute mark now, I'm timing it on my phone. I can't- I- fuck, hold on. We're in the bedroom, I'm gonna have to move her to the floor she's falling off the bed."

Evan couldn't keep holding her like this. She was moving near the end of the bed again and she was starting to moan and murmur. She was somewhat conscious and aware and he couldn't pin her down to the bed. The safest thing would be for him to get her onto the floor.

"Sir I'd advise you not to move her please, it's very dangerous-"

"Did you not hear me? I'm LAFD trained, I can take care of my fucking wife! I'm not asking for your advice I'm asking for a fucking medic because I need her in the hospital."

Evan wasn't asking her what to do and he wasn't waiting around for her advice. The moment Evan started dating (Y/n), he got up to date on his training. He learned how to look after her, how to properly move her in this situation and how to hold her and not restrain her.

He took courses to be able to give (Y/n) emergency meds if she was in a bad seizure, but Evan didn't have those up here. The emergency meds were downstairs in the meds cupboard and he doubted they would even be in date, it had been that long since they had to use them.

"Okay… is she on the floor now? How's her breathing?"

Evan put his phone on (Y/n)'s bedside table before he carefully slumped onto the floor and eased (Y/n) down with him. Once she was on the floor by Dexter's bed, he moved her onto her side again and and held her head so it was tilted forward.

"Yep, she's got very rapid breathing… okay, okay she's slowing down now, it might be stopping."

"That's good, the medics are one minute away."

Reaching down, Evan slowly brushed (Y/n)'s hair back behind her ear so it wasn't covering her face and his hand started to rub up and down her arm. The thrashing started to cease and she reduced to trembles and rattling against the carpet.

Dexter laid out beside her with his chin on her juttering ankle while Evan doubled over and kissed her temple, trying to keep her still and calm. He could hear the small mumbling noises leaving her lips but he couldn't work out what she was trying to say, or if she was trying to talk at all. She might just be letting him know that she could hear him.

"I'm just gonna open the door." Evan clicked his finger and pointed for Dexter to take his place in front of (Y/n). This was his moment to go and open the front door while (Y/n) had finally stopped thrashing and was shivering instead.

He grabbed his trousers from the floor and hooked his shirt over his head while he stumbled down the stairs and opened the front door. He flicked all the lights on as he passed so the apartment was lit up for Dexter. He wasn't taking Dexter down to the hospital with him, he could stay home and try to sleep until Evan and (Y/n) came back.

Evan yanked his trousers up over his hips and did up his belt before he bolted back up the stairs and looked around for his shoes.

"Sir, the medics are on their way up to you now."

"Thank you." Evan ended the call and paused the timer before he crashed back down to his knees beside (Y/n). "Baby… baby are you back with me?" His thumb smoothed across her cheek and he carefully lifted her head to rest on his thighs instead. He kept her laid on her side and began gliding his hands up and down her arms to give her some comfort and something to focus on.

He heard the front door open and voices float through but Evan didn't bother to respond. His focus was on (Y/n) when her head tilted as far back as it could go on his lap until the back of her head was almost touching her shoulder blades.

Dexter howled. A low, deep grumble in the back of his throat as he moved to sit up straight and began flapping his paw against (Y/n)'s thigh.

"No… no baby not again… oh no," Evan could feel his lips falling into a frown and tears burned in the corners of his eyes when (Y/n)'s arms began pushing into her chest and her hands bent backwards.

She had barely come out of the last one for a minute. How could she go straight back into another this quickly?

"Sir, paramedics. How are we doing up here?"

Two paramedics made their way up the stairs and into the bedroom, a gurney between them with a medical bag resting on top. They left the gurney near the end of the bed and hurried to kneel down beside Evan who clicked his finger to get Dexter to move back. The obedient labrador moved to sit right behind Evan near the bedside table, still able to observe but not be any hinderance.

"The first one lasted over five minutes, she's just gone straight back into another. This isn't normal for her." Evan hadn't known (Y/n) to go into two violent seizures so quickly together. She usually had a few minutes in between when she was having a bad night like this.

He kept his hand rubbing up and down (Y/n)'s arm as the lady beside him listened to her heartbeat and the other medic knelt beside (Y/n)'s legs and tried to keep them out straight.

"Have you given her any emergency meds? What does she usually take?"

"I haven't given her anything… she takes thirty milligrams of these twice a day." Evan reached into the bedside drawer and found (Y/n)'s medication. She had one tablet in the morning and one in the evening and it worked on calming down her seizures.

When Evan first met her she was having four or five a week. Now her meds and her routines were controlled, she was barely having one a week. Usually she suffered with absent seizures and the odd clonic seizure every now and then.

He clocked the woman reaching for a blood pressure cuff and he moved his hands down to hold (Y/n)'s arm and wrist out to make it a bit easier. Her arm continued to thrash up and down but Evan tried to keep her arm near his thigh.

"BP's sky-high and breathing is laboured, pushing diazepam."

Evan kept hold of (Y/n)'s arm and gripped a bit firmer so one of the medic's could quickly inject the diazepam into her arm just below her shoulder. They needed to try and get the seizure to stop so they could get her down the stairs safely and into the ambulance.

"Good girl, there we go." Relief poured through Evan's body and trickled into his voice as he leaned down and smothered his lips against the top of (Y/n)'s head on his thighs.

One of the medics moved towards the gurney and wheeled it over but they could see Evan wasn't exactly going to sit back and let them do this. He helped them ease (Y/n) over onto the gurney and while they adjusted the level, Evan grabbed his phone and his wallet and put them in his back pocket.

He watched them lift (Y/n)'s eyelid and try to shine the light across her eyes, but they had rolled to the back of her head. All they could see were the whites of her eyes and it made Evan feel sick.

"Be good, I'll be back soon," He ruffled Dexter's ear and kissed the top of his head before he followed after the gurney. He knew Dexter would be fine, after a little while he would settle to being on his own and sleep, most probably in the middle of the bed since they weren't here.

He followed close behind them and locked the door on the way out, but once they got in the lift, he felt a small flicker of hope. Her jaw still seemed to be locked, but the murmur she let out was clearly Evan's name.

He watched the way (Y/n) flopped her head to the right and nudged her nose against the gurney like she wanted to try and hide away and disappear. But both her arms started to shake when she tried to move them. Her elbows were pressed very tightly into her waist and her hands were glued against the middle of her chest. She couldn't move them no matter how hard she tried. But it didn't matter, Evan reached down and curled his hand around hers, smoothing his thumb over the back of her hand.

"I'm still here, sweetheart. I'm here."

"(Y/n), are you in any pain?" The medic stood at the head of the gurney leaned over and carefully peeled back (Y/n)'s eyelid and shined the light across her pupils. But Evan saw the way they didn't react. Her pupil stayed blown wide, it didn't constrict at all.

She couldn't speak. All (Y/n) could do was make a noise close to a cry and her arms shuddered against her chest. Her whole middle and torso were aching like she had been beaten up. It felt like someone had smashed their fists all over her chest and down her stomach.

Evan kept hold of (Y/n)'s hand as they exited the lift, but everyone stopped when she screamed. It was a muffled sound, vibrating against her dry lips and it made her throat rattle.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Evan crouched down in front of her and moved his free hand to cup her chin, swiping his thumb across her jaw to try and coax her to look at him. But her eyes stayed tightly closed and she started to tense up. "Baby?"

He dragged his eyes up and down (Y/n)'s frame as she managed to clench her fingers around his hand. She was shaking again. Both legs were shaking and bashing down into the gurney and her upper chest was moving up and down, but she was still conscious. She was crying and breathing harshly through clenched teeth and she was squeezing Evan's hand.

"She's having another one." Evan found his phone from his pocket and started the stopwatch again.

They continued walking out the lobby and made their way towards the ambulance. They had to get to the hospital now.

Evan sat down opposite the gurney and gently pulled (Y/n)'s hand so he could press it against his lips and glide his other hand up and down her arm. He hated to see her cry and he hated how she was shaking and thrashing like this. It was even worse to know she was still awake and could feel and understand everything that was happening.

"Shit!" Evan groaned and slammed his eyes closed when (Y/n) suddenly yanked on his hand.

Her arm reeled back to her chest and the force pulled Evan from his seat and sent him down on his knees in front of the gurney with his elbow bashing into the frame which made his body shudder. He felt the way she bent her arm to slam both her and his arm against her chest while her other arm was pressed down on her abdomen.

Evan slowly pushed himself up to his feet and groaned, rolling his shoulders back into place but when he looked down at (Y/n), he couldn't help but feel the urge to cry.

"She's biting her tongue." Leaning over, he moved his free hand to (Y/n)'s jaw and pressed his thumb between her lips so he could peel back her lip and look into her mouth. She wasn't choking on her tongue, thankfully, but her jaw was locked and her teeth were pierced down so tightly she was biting through it.

Blood coated her teeth like tomato juice and foamed past her lips, beginnign to dribble down her chin.

Evan held the back of her neck while the other medic carefully held her waist and tilted her onto her left side, facing Evan. They couldn't risk her choking or throwing up.

"I can't push another dose of diazepam, I'm going to give her a sedative, it's the best shot at making the seizure activity stop."

Evan nodded. He couldn't refuse that or object. It was their only option. Pushing more anti-seizure meds could just force (Y/n) into an overdose when she had already taken her usual dose of medication and an emergency dose when the medics arrived. Sedating her would put her mind to sleep and hopefully stop the nerves from sending these signals.

She couldn't keep going in an out of seizures like this, it was causing her too much distress and she was hurting herself.

"Alright baby, shh it'll be over soon." He slumped back down to his seat and gave in trying to move his arm. He let it stay pinned against (Y/n)'s chest while the medic placed an oxygen mask over her mouth and injected the sedative into her shoulder.

Once her body stilled, Evan stopped his stopwatch on his phone and eased his arm from (Y/n)'s grip. At least with her now motionless, the medic could take her blood pressure again and check her vitals and start her on some fluids without risking her arm bashing into him.

When the ambulance came to a stop, Evan stood up and moved to lean over the gurney. He held his left hand over the back of (Y/n)'s neck and his right hand gripped her forearms and kept them in place against her chest. They couldn't strap her down to the gurney because she was hurt and she had been seizing and Evan wasn't risking her choking.

Both medics eased the gurney out and Evan walked alongside as they went in through the ambulance entrance. Bypassing the waiting room and straight into a vacant cubicle a doctor waved them over to.

With a doctor and a nurse beside the bed, Evan moved to stand on the other side. He didn't want to be in the way but he wasn't going to sit back and be parted from (Y/n) either. He stepped forward once she was transferred onto the bed and it was hard for Evan to refrain himself and hold back when all he wanted to do was reach out and look after (Y/n) himself.

"How long was the seizure activity?" The doctor looked across at Evan before he wheeled a trolley over and rummaged around.

He round a clamp and carefully wiggled (Y/n)'s jaw open so he could press the tongue clamp over her tongue and against her throat. It was to pin her tongue down safely so she didn't choke as she might to especially with her tongue swelling up.

Blood continued to dribble down her mouth and chin while the nurse tried to wash it away and spray her tongue.

They placed an oxygen mask around her nose and mouth again and placed a monitoring clip on her finger.

"It hasn't stopped for nearly twenty minutes. The first one was over five minutes straight."

"She's been sedated?"

"Just now." Evan folded one arm across his chest while he brought his other hand to his face and bit down on his thumb. If the diazepam hadn't done anything, he wasn't so sure a sedative would work either.

"I'd like to put her under general anaesthetic. It will allow her brain to calm down and we can take her for an MRI and then get her admitted onto a ward."

"Okay." It sounded like a good idea. It would ensure that (Y/n) didn't have any more seizures and it would let her brain calm down as her mind must be frazzled by now. It also meant that they could get her on a new IV with anti-seizure meds straight into her vein, some painkillers and she could have as many scans as she needed without the risk of another seizure.

"I'll go get the anaesthesiologist down here."

As soon as the doctor walked out the room, leaving the nurse to tend to (Y/n), Evan slumped down into the chair beside the bed. He fumbled in his pocket for his phone and scrolled through his contacts until he found his father in law.

He needed to let Bobby know what was going on and where they were. Evan would need some support because he was going to be here for a while now and he knew (Y/n) wouldn't be happy to be in hospital when she finally came around.

"Buck… it's four in the morning, is everything okay?"

"Hey Bobby, I, fuck we've had a bad night. It's (Y/n)."

He could almost hear Bobby switching into his fatherly mode. Something that only happened when (Y/n) was around or if Evan was hurt. He could hear Bobby moving around the bedroom already as if he was getting dressed without knowing what was happening.

"Why, has she had a bad seizure?"

"It wouldn't stop, she barely came out of a five-minute one and went right into another two. I had to call the paramedics out… they had to sedate her, it, it just wouldn't fucking stop. We're at the hospital and the doctor's putting her under anaesthetic. Can you come down?"

"We're on our way."

***

Opening his eyes, Evan sighed and stretched his arms out above his head. He felt his shoulders clicking along with his neck as he straightened out and tried to loosen the tension from his muscles.

He dropped his legs down from the bed and sat up straighter in his chair when a quiet knock on the door broke through their comfortable silence.

Bobby was sat on the other side of the bed, his chin tilted down into his chest with his right arm crossed over his chest and his left hand holding (Y/n)'s. Next to him, Athena was sat with her head on his shoulder and her bag held to her chest like it was a teddy bear.

They had come down as soon as Evan called and had waited with him while (Y/n) went for an MRI and had bloods taken. Evan guessed it had to be some strong anaesthetic they put her under because she had stayed out for the count which is what they wanted.

"Hi… is this mum and dad?" The doctor glanced over at Bobby and Athena before looking back to Evan who nodded with a warm smile. "Well, the MRI looks good, no abnormalities, a little inflamed but that's expected. And bloods have come back clear."

"When will she wake up?"

"She's been under for nearly five hours now, I think it's safe for me to wake her up now and we can monitor her progress. She's been put on her usual medication through the IV to make sure we can subdue the activity quicker. Let's have a go at waking her, shall we?"

At least (Y/n) had gotten a few hours of sleep and rest.

Evan had taken the liberty of lifting up her gown when Bobby and Athena first fell asleep. He didn't like what he saw. Bruises littered (Y/n)'s chest and around her ribs. She had bruised her left wrist from bashing it on the side table and he knew she was going to be sore as anything when she woke up.

Getting up from his chair, Evan stretched again before he moved to sit down on the edge of the bed. He gently took (Y/n)'s free hand and held it on his lap while Bobby and Athena inched their chairs closer.

They watched intently as the doctor got a needle ready and injected the medication into (Y/n)'s IV.

Evan glided his fingers up and down (Y/n)'s arm and smiled softly when he watched her head tilt to the side and nuzzle into the pillow. She looked just like she was waking up at home rather than after a bad night in the hospital emergency room.

"Hey baby, how you feeling?"

He watched the beginning of a smile form on (Y/n)'s lips before her eyes rolled and came into focus. It was clear the moment she took in her surroundings because her lips fell down into a gaping frown and her lower lip wobbled.

"Evan, w-…where are we?" Her hand tightened around his but her body jumped when she suddenly realised there was someone gripping her other hand as well. She dared to look across to the right and took a sharp breath. "Dad?"

"Hi sweetheart."

She couldn't help the tears that started to fall down her face. Where were they? What were they all doing? Why had she gone to sleep safe and sound with Evan at home and woken up somewhere completely different?

"I'll give you all some space." The doctor nodded at the monitors, happy that all (Y/n)'s vitals seemed fine and she had come around perfectly well which was a relief. He jotted down his notes and headed out the room so they could have a moment to themselves and calm (Y/n) down. She didn't need a stranger in the room spectating and observing.

"Baby, you had a really bad night. I had to call an ambulance, we had to sedate you, the seizures wouldn't stop. You don't remember?" Evan was a little surprised (Y/n) couldn't remember even a small flicker of the night. She had woken up shortly after the first seizure, and she tried to say his name after the second one.

She had been awake when the next one started, she cried out and clung to him and tried to open her eyes in the ambulance. She was conscious until they sedated her. The sedation and all the meds must have knocked her back and blurred the night for her.

"You, you came home, and went to bed… I- I don't…"

(Y/n) remembered having a rough day. She remembered Evan going out to hang with Hen and Chimney for a few hours and she remembered him climbing on top of her when he came home. But she couldn't recall anything after falling asleep with him. It was like the events had played out but her mind forgot to press record.

"It's alright honey, you've had a rough night. Probably best you don't remember it." Athena patted (Y/n)'s thigh and smiled at her. It might be a blessing that (Y/n) didn't remember. She didn't need to recall everything she had gone through last night, it wouldn't do her any favours.

"What time is it?"

"Almost nine in the morning, you weren't out for too long." Bobby looked down at his watch before he squeezed (Y/n)'s hand and smiled.

After Evan's phone call this morning, Bobby had been in a rush. He had to call the shift lead at the station and inform them that neither he or Evan would be on shift today. He told them to ring round and see who could come in and cover, but under no circumstances could they contact Evan.

He would sort Evan's hours and his time off so he could go back as soon as (Y/n) was well enough.

Bobby thought they would be sat here for a few more hours before (Y/n) woke up and he had been worried how she would be when she woke up. He remembered when she first got diagnosed not long after their apartment fire. He was forever bringing (Y/n) down to the hospital and back then, each time she woke up, another fit of seizures happened.

"I th-" (Y/n) cut herself off with a sharp cry when she tried to lean forward. Her eyes locked with Evan as she let go of her dad's hand to grip her side, but touching her chest only made her whimper. "Oww, oh it hurts." Her eyes snapped closed and she sniffed, trying to take a deep breath but her chest felt like it had been put through a blender.

She tugged on Evan's hand until he leaned forward and gently looped his arms beneath hers. She gripped both his shoulders and let him sit her up while Bobby moved the bed so she could sit up instead of lie down.

"You battered your chest a lot, baby. It's gonna be sore for a while."

(Y/n) hooked a finger in the hem of the hospital gown she was wearing and looked down before she whimpered.

"It's okay, you're alright now." Evan kissed her temple and wove an arm around her waist when she leaned forward. He let her tuck her face into the crook of his neck and curve her arms around his chest so she could mesh herself up into his chest.

"I wanna go home."

"Not yet, sweetheart. You're under twenty-four hour observation to make sure you don't have another fit of seizures. We can take you home tomorrow." Bobby ran his hand up and down (Y/n)'s back and kissed the back of her head.

She had to stay here for a while yet so they could make sure she wasn't going to suffer another bout of dramatic, long endured seizures. Once they had cleared her and she was fit to go home, they could take her back and they would all look after her.

"We'll get you home tomorrow baby and we'll look after you."

[irisxstardust]

1 | Shut Up

SUMMARY: You and Ellie used to be friends until one day when she decided she was done. You hadn't spoken to her since and now, five years later, you are given the unfortunate task of going on patrol with the girl. A little argument and one stalker later, you're playing her hero. But is it enough to repair the damage made to your relationship all those years ago?

A/N: wowzers. ive spent like two weeks going back and forth on this piece bc UGH i want to get into the cutie stuff but i like want that angst and slow burn yk. and i also want it to be good like this is my first real tumblr post and yall are such good writers ive got a lotta standards to meet. ugh pls tell me its not boring i dont want it to be boring since its not fluff. anyway there will be more but im not sure how fast ill be able to write it. i like really dk how many more parts i could make of this ngl like i just wanna make a happy amazing pt 2 where reader and ellie just like live happily ever after. also this is my first time writing in second person so pls give me grace if its bad lmfao. love you🫶🏻

CW: cursing, angst?/slow burn, fem!reader (she/her), CAT (🤮🤧😵‍💫)

WC: 3,688

You didn’t hate Ellie Williams, not in the slightest.

In fact, when you first met the girl you were impressed by her nonchalant attitude and how quickly she adjusted to life in Jackson. You admired the bond she shared with her companion, Joel - the closeness they shared, the softness of his voice when he spoke to her, the glint in her eyes when she looked at him. That didn’t mean you missed the way she stared off distantly in her free time, or the way she would talk to others with a certain tiredness in her voice; but it wasn’t like you could talk to her about it.

You weren’t friends with her. Well, not anymore.

Ellie and you were friends when she first arrived, you made sure of it. You were always bringing her things to make the adjustment easier: blankets, sweaters, new socks, ammunition, and a new hairbrush, among other things. She was grateful for it at first, always thanking you, hunting you down for movie nights, and inviting you over for dinner with Joel. But at some point you messed up - you did something wrong.

She slowly began to ignore you, she started returning your home-baked goods and stopped inviting you to her house to watch movies. She started to talk to you just as cold as she talked to the others. She didn’t like you anymore.

Eventually, probably tired of your haphazard attempts to fix your friendship, she snapped. You left her house in tears that day with your head down, shoulders hunched and wobbly, trying to cover the tear streaks with your hair.

Ever since you’d tried to ignore her, her words, and the wounds they made. It was hard when she consumed your every waking thought. You thought about Ellie all the time - what you did wrong, the way her hair bounced as she walked, what you said to make her hate you, that one time at dinner she accidentally choked on water and spit it out her nose, the look in her eyes as she yelled in your face, all of the science stuff she had hidden away in every crevice of her room.

Every thought you had about Ellie contradicted the other and it was all so confusing that every time you thought too hard about it your head spun.

So you quickly found yourself doing simple, menial tasks to keep your thoughts at bay. You were picking up every patrol you were allowed, volunteering at the daycare to help your mom care for the kiddos, spending any and all free time at your friends houses instead of yours. You always finished your house chores early in the morning, always walked your neighbors dog once before noon and once after, always doing whatever you could to stay out of your own mind.

So you forgot about Ellie - as best as you could, at least.

It almost worked, too. Five years you got away with it, hiding from your mind and from Ellie. Until today, the one day you had been dreading for years. The day you knew was coming.

You were partnered with Ellie for patrol.

At first, you'd spent the first three hours complaining to your friends - Jesse mostly ignored you, only cracking jokes here or there, and Dina just didn't understand why you hated Ellie so bad. Eventually you just gave in and stopped complaining, finding some solace under the heavy duvet on your bed.

Before Dina left your home she gave you a warm smile and said, "You're gonna do great." And then left you to your own devices, not realizing she was leaving you to rot in your own brain.

When the time came to get up and get ready, you found yourself picking through your clothes, trying to find the cleanest shirt to wear and the pants that fit you the best. You wanted to look nice, most people would, but you weren't sure if it was for you or for her.

You walked nervously towards the stables, taking firm, heavy breaths as you shoved your hands into your jacket pockets.

"It'll be okay... It'll be okay," you chanted the words under your breath as you neared the stables, clenching and unclenching your sweaty fists.

When you arrived, Ellie was already leading Shimmer along to the exit, hardly glancing at you.

"You're late." She said, sucking on her teeth.

You nodded slowly, inhaling sharply, "I am aware..." speaking slowly and cautiously, trying not to poke the bear. "I kind of have my own stuff, though," the pitch of your voice raised slightly, as if you were unsure of your own words, "so I got here as fast as I could."

She scoffed, her head shaking slightly which sends her short strands of hair bouncing around her ears. "Just get the fucking horse."

You walked off hastily, unfurling Japan's reigns - when Dina didn't take him out, you did, because you both liked to make sure he had enough exercise everyday. You walked him down to meet Ellie at the gate.

Ellie was standing on one foot, shifting her weight every now and then and rubbing her palms down the length of her thighs; almost as if she was rubbing something off of them. She rubbed her thumbs on Shimmer's reigns nervously, head darting back and forth to see if you were close or not.

When you came into her line of sight, she hardened up and stood taller. Her face sharpened and her eyes filled with the same distance that kept you up at night, though today they also harbored another emotion, one you were no longer privy with.

It filled you with a sense of confusion and dread, causing you to mumble incoherently under your breath.

"Fucking Williams... cold as shit... pain in my ass..." you muttered as you mounted your horse.

Giving you one last weary look, Ellie also mounted her horse. She pulled her fingers through her hair, tucking it back behind her ear as the two of you left Jackson.

The horses trotted slowly, easily stepping over the tree roots in the ground as if they had the whole route memorized.

For you, this was one of the few routes you hardly visited. It wasn't too far from Jackson, but it was just far enough that you knew it'd take up the rest of your day.

As your eyes danced between the trail ahead of you and Ellie beside you, you didn't know what to think.

Sure, you'd thought of all the ways you would yell at her and all the things you'd say if you ever got the chance again; but you'd also thought of all the ways you'd make it up to her, all the things you wanted to say to let her know you weren't the same person you used to be.

What did it matter, anyway?

You were stuck here, letting your old wounds sit and fester in the bitterness of it all. You were stuck here, next to her but unable to fill the empty silence with words. You were stuck here, on patrol with the one person who hates your guts and you couldn't do anything about it.

"It's not polite to stare, you know."

Her voice echoed through the dense trees, bouncing off branches and leaves only to worm its way back into your brain.

"I'm sorry?" you hummed, caught off guard by the sound.

Her head slightly turned in your direction and Shimmer slowed down to a light trot, matching Japan's speed. "It's not polite to stare."

Her words were much sharper the second time around, with much more emphasis placed upon them.

She's angry. Amazing. You scoffed to yourself, trying to keep hold of your composure.

"I wasn't staring..." you paused. You almost said her name, but the word caught in your throat. "At you. I wasn't staring at you."

She glanced at you sideways before she continued, "you were."

"Was not!"

"Were too."

"I wasn't staring-!"

There it was again. You'd almost said her name, but it got caught in the back of your throat, which left you to haphazardly cut off your sentence and leave her hanging, waiting for it.

She scoffed. "Yes, you were."

You closed your mouth and pressed your lips into a line, "I wasn't fucking staring at you, Williams."

"So you stare at me, deny it when I tell you it's impolite, and then can't even use my name?" She stopped her horse, leaning back in the saddle as she spoke.

And the words get caught in your throat. Your mouth dried as you slowed your own horse.

"I used your name," you whispered, blinking away the wetness in your eyes.

She laughed sourly, pulled on Shimmer's reigns and began to trot ahead of you again.

You sighed at the bitterness brewing in the pit of your stomach. You certainly fucked that up - but was it entirely your fault? Surely some of that had to go to Ellie too - I mean she's the one who broke off your friendship... she's the one who yelled at you for "staring." You weren't staring in the first place... right?

You began to question yourself, yet again, as Ellie spoke up once more.

"You're still staring."

And suddenly it's almost as if you could hear the smirk she had on her face.

"Could you fucking not? Please? I'm just trying to get to the tower and go home alive. I don't want to deal with this bullshit too."

"Stop fucking staring then," she whipped around to face you. "I definitely didn't ask for this either, so stop being a baby and get over it."

You clenched your fists and brought one to your face, rubbing your eyes with your palm.

"I'm not staring at you, El-"

You stopped talking after you finally looked directly into her eyes, catching sight movement behind her.

She began to scoff but suddenly stopped as your face changed.

"What?"

"Shut up."

You tilted your head to the side, narrowing your eyes as you focused on a shadowy figure hidden in the trees.

The figure stilled under a long branch, the leaves creating long shadows which warped around the curves of the figure.

Slowly, you reached for the pistol strapped to your thigh. Ellie's face scrunched in a mix of confusion and worry.

"Don't," you breathed, "move."

At the sound of your sharp exhale the figure screeched and aimed for Ellie, its dark eyes fixated on her.

You brought the gun up, aiming and pulling the trigger as fast as you could, but the stalker was hardly affected by the single bullet.

Ellie whipped around, yelping once before the stalker jumped on her and yanked her off of Shimmer. The stalker pinned her to the ground, its teeth already bared and ready to bite.

You pulled the trigger again. And again. And again. Until eventually the stalker slumped down above Ellie.

She pushed it off and brought herself to her feet, head whipping around to look for others.

"Do you see any more?" you asked as you scanned the area.

She shook her head, "I don't think so... holy shit."

You both sat quietly for a moment as you tried to process what just happened.

"Thanks- thanks for uh, for that," she panted, mounting Shimmer again and looking around, "that was close."

For a moment you were rendered speechless, trying to piece the puzzle back together in your brain before responding. "Yeah... of course," you paused, adding lightly, "s'what friends do." It came out a little mumbled but you knew she heard it.

You didn't keep your eyes on hers long enough to gauge her reaction, but you figured it was one full of something negative. You looked up one last time and caught her eyes, the strangest look on her face, before turning back down and looking away.

"The tower's just up that way," you hesitated, waiting for her to say - or do - something. To do anything. But she didn't, so you continued, "there shouldn't be any more in the area, they just cleared it last week."

You shifted on the saddle, cringing slightly, urging Japan to move forward again.

The rest of your route went okay - you didn't encounter anymore infected and the area is mostly barren anyway so you didn't find anything worthwhile. The tower was cleared already, too, so you and Ellie mostly found solace in your own thoughts for the rest of the route.

She didn't mention the staring thing again, opting to keep quiet instead, but you could feel her eyes meeting the side of your head every now and then.

You didn't say anything to her as you re-entered Jackson, walking side by side to the stables to put the horses back.

Ellie was brushing out Shimmer's mane as she opened her mouth to speak, "hey, thanks for earlier. Seriously. It means a lot."

You nodded, "no worries," and you paused, unsure of what to say next. Before you could, Ellie spoke up again.

"And sorry, by the way," she said, eyes darting around the stables, "for being mean."

At that, you found yourself completely dumbfounded, eyes wide, staring across the stables at her. And before you had the chance to recover from the shock she was flying out of the stables, probably heading back to Joel's house.

Within the next four minutes you'd rushed to Dina's, tripping and stumbling over your own feet, heart pounding and mind racing.

"She apologized?" Dina asked incredulously, eyebrows raised and lips turned downward, "for real?"

You shrugged, "I guess. I can't believe it either."

"Yeah, dude, she hated you for years but you play hero once and now she likes you again?" Jesse laughed, shaking his head, "bullshit."

"I never said she liked me again, Jesse. I was just telling you what happened. She apologized. That's what happened."

"Maybe she realized you aren't that bad," Dina smiled.

"Oh thanks, Dee, I'm honored."

Dina chuckled, leaning towards you and smacking your shoulder playfully, "and it's about time."

You paused, chewing on your lip as you thought of the day's events over and over and over again.

"I hope this is a new beginning for you guys, you deserve it."

You stopped your thinking, pulling yourself out of your thoughts to respond with a smile, "thanks, Dee."

"So, now that that's out of the way," Dina smiled suggestively, narrowing her eyes and raising her eyebrows, "you want to come to the bar with us later? Everyone's gonna be there."

You couldn't miss the suggestive tone in her voice, the way it dropped a pitch and she gained a mischievous glint in her eyes.

You hummed, "are they? Good for them."

Dina sighed exhaustedly, "c'mon! You never come with us! It'll be so much fun, I promise!"

"I don't know, Dina. You know I'm not one for parties."

"Well, you are tonight," she tapped the palm of her hand against the table, "because you are coming with me and we are going to dance all night and have so much fun. So much so, in fact, that you're going to completely forget how much you hate parties!"

"Oh, is that right?" You smiled as you began to chuckle.

She hummed, a particularly big grin splattered on her face.

"Yeah, your new best friend might be there too," Jesse added, which earned a nasty look from you and a disapproving look from Dina.

"Shut up!" Dina shouted, turning her attention to Jesse - which only threw you right back into your own head.

After Dina snapped you out of it, and after a lot more begging and pleading on her part, you agreed. It couldn't be that bad - right?

The party was nothing short of what you'd expected.

It was loud, crammed, kind of smelly, and definitely not the place you wanted to be spending your time.

But every time you caught Dina's eyes or you looked over in her direction, the smile on her face was enough to make you feel so deeply guilty that you stayed put. You stayed with her if she brought you out to dance and you stayed with her if she brought you to the bar to get a new drink.

It wasn't a surprise when you noticed Ellie at the bar, nursing a cold cup, staring at you with a conflicting expression. It also wasn't a surprise when Dina grabbed your hand and started dragging you in her direction, giving you one last reassuring smile.

It was a surprise, however, when Ellie greeted Dina with a hug and you with a smile.

She smiled at you.

Completely unable to quickly recover, you let Dina do the talking, trying to calm your racing heart.

"Hey, El! How're you doing?" she had to shout over the music but you knew Ellie could hear her - everyone could hear Dina.

"Pretty good! You okay?"

They began to exchange pleasantries and all the usual small talk, so you spaced out for a moment, waiting for the moment Dina would pull you away again. That moment didn't come, however, because Dina ran off without you.

"Wait - where's she going?" you yelled, eyes finally meeting Ellie's.

"Said she was gonna grab Jesse," Ellie began, eyes scanning over your outfit. "You want a drink?"

You hesitated, thinking over what happened during patrol. You lost yourself, again, and began mulling over what you could say and how she would possibly respond.

But then you began speaking, your mind not caught up yet.

"Sure!"

Ellie's face relaxed a little, and she waved you over towards a quieter area of the bar. The flannel tucked up to her elbows showcased the way her muscles flexed as she signaled Seth over to your side of the bar.

"You doing okay?" You asked as Seth walked away. "It just... looked like that stalker shook you up a bit."

She nodded, "Yeah, yeah. It was a little," she shrugged and let out a mangled noise, "nerve wracking." You both laughed.

Seth dropped your drink in front of you, giving you a sideways glance before returning to the packed end of the bar.

"You know how it goes, though," she finished. "I'm good."

"Well, that is certainly a plus."

Her lips tugged into a small grin, making you mirror the expression.

"Thanks again, by the way."

"Hey, we were partners. It was my job to have your back."

You both laughed again.

And you fell back into it. Into that easy-going, comfortable rhythm you had with her so many years ago. It was like no time had passed at all; like you were fourteen again.

And even when Dina came back she didn't hide it. You were finally able to openly talk to your two friends together again. It was like a dream.

"Hey, Ellie!" No. "I haven't seen you in forever!" No. "You look so good!" No.

"Oh! Hey, Cat!"

No.

You could almost taste the tension that had suddenly built up around the three of you; the sudden change in the air sending your head reeling and heart pounding.

Ellie and Cat exchanged pleasantries (not like you were interested or anything) as you suddenly honed in on a weirdly shaped ice cube in your drink. Poking at it with your straw, you waited for Cat to leave, holding your breath.

And in less than five minutes, you fell out of it.

You fell out of your rhythm, Ellie already ten beats ahead of you while you seemed to have changed rhythms completely.

When Cat did (finally) leave you let out a shaky breath, watching as even Ellie noticed the shift in you.

"Sorry," she said sheepishly, mostly directing the apology to Dina. She turned to face Dina straight on now, no longer moving her eyes between the two of you.

"You're fine," Dina brushed it off quickly, seemingly unaware of the sudden awkwardness.

"I should uh... go anyway. Joel's waiting for me, so... you know."

"Oh, yeah, sure. We should go soon too," Dina draped an arm around your shoulders, "I have kept someone here for way too long. She's getting a little antsy." She gave you a pointed smile, a teasing tone lacing her voice.

Ellie gave Dina a half-hearted chuckle before standing and hugging her. She gave you a very awkward, sideways, one armed hug before turning around and almost running out of the building.

"You want to go now or wait a little-"

"Can we go, Dina?" you rushed, clenching your eyes shut as you rubbed the balls of your palms into your eyes. "I'm just... really tired."

Dina stared at your face, her eyes scanning yours, for an extra beat before nodding, "Yeah, of course."

At home you spent the rest of your night hiding under your duvet, pulling at large chunks of your hair with your fists, digging your heels into your bed; all the way until you finished the night tiredly blinking away tears and chewing at your lips.

It was all so confusing. One minute you're dreading even looking at her and the next you're talking and laughing with her like you're best friends - and then? Then you're sitting there like the two of you never started talking again at all, all because Ellie said hi to an old friend.

One minute she's talking to you, then the next she's talking to you through Dina.

You woke in the morning with blood dried on your lips and dark bags under your eyes. You found it hard to keep your eyes open as you brushed your teeth, and one look in the mirror showed that you were in no state to leave your home anytime soon.

Your parents left quickly for work, not giving you a second glance even as you asked them to clear your schedule for the day.

Around noon you received a familiar knock at the door, and when you opened it you saw a face that hadn't graced your porch in a few years.

"Hey, Ellie," you paused, panicking internally. "What's up?"

"Do you want to talk?"

[itwasthisorthemilitary]

April 7th, 2024

Yesterday I went into the city. First to get my packages from Chorrera and lemme tell you, it was like Christmas. I successfully got both packages and now i have a phone case and enough caffeine supplements are least for the next month. It was so successful that i could’ve been happy just going home to Los Mortales right then. But i didn’t. Instead I went to Casco Viejo with Sophie. Casio Viejo is the most touristy part of Panama City and although beautiful, kinda a waste of time. It’s so expensive and there are American tour groups everywhere, and i know I’m American…but I’m not that kind of American. But altogether, pretty successful Saturday.

Today we did a limpieza in town. A limpieza is just a town wide clean up. The idea was to organize it and hopefully community members would join to help. No one wanted to listen to me when i said that no one in their right mind would go to a limpieza at 7 am on a Sunday 🙃 but WHATEVER.

Organizing these things are hard! Where do we get trash bags? Where do we get gloves? What the fuck do we do with all the trash once it’s been collected? On top of that, Momma Bielca telling us that we need to feed the people who do show up. So now we also need to find/buy food with no budget and secure somewhere to cook it. We put very little energy into this limpieza.

All things considered, I’m stunned it turned out as well as it did. Granted it was mostly trainees, but at least 10 community members showed up to help. We filled 24 bags with trash, and another couple wheelbarrows full of glass. Absolutely gnarly, it rained so hard last night so everything was wet and muddy, starting early was good because there was less heat but “less heat” is still like 90° with 100% humidity. It was great to see the difference we made, even if only for the next 24 hours.

After the limpieza i went home and did absolutely nothing for the next 4 hours. It was phenomenal. I started a new book today and im 300 pages in already.

At 4:30, Audrey and Caitlin came over to my house while the moms played bingo. We had told them that this Sunday we would be making all of them dinner to say thank you. Initially it was going to be lasagna but when i saw that 12 oz if ricotta was going to run me $11, we changed gears and made baked ziti, salad, and chocolate chip cookies. I was so nervous because Audrey and Caitlin both told me that they would help however they could, but the ziti was my domain. Also, cooking for 17 people??? Really hard to do in an oven that I’ve never seen used. I’ve been really stressed about not knowing if i got the right quantities, or if they would all hate it. It was hard! Everything just takes so much longer to get organized. But once it was all said and done, we had plenty of ziti, enough to give everyone seconds. And more importantly, they WANTED seconds. Xavier told me i need to teach Audrey how to cook lol. We even had enough to invite some of the neighbors over (I may have overestimated). It was really exciting because other trainees have made their families dinner and

1. 1 Person found their meal hidden in a cupboard the next day

2. Olivia’s family called her dinner “sopa de gringo”

3. Sav saw her family feeding it to the dogs.

Felt really nice to cook with Audrey and Caitlin and the family was so happy.

This week I’ve noticed a very distinct change in the weather. It’s raining more, almost always cloudy, not any cooler, and somewhere more humid than before. But the wind is a lot stronger and feels amazing.

One more week in Los Mortales.

[carlottawllms]

AAAAAAA I'M SO EXCITED 🤭🩷

You weren't a morning person, far from it in fact, as you normally needed at least an hour and a coffee to function properly, but after yesterday you felt like all the happiness of the earth had gathered in your heart. OHHHH🤭

“I really don’t think I want to say goodbye yet.”, you pouted, feeling genuinely sad you’d reached your front door. The date that was just about to end had been the best you’d been on in a while, and you hated how these past few hours had basically flown by. “Neither do I, but it’s late and I don’t want you to be grumpy tomorrow morning and annoy your colleagues.” Mason flicked your nose lovingly and the way you scrunched it had his heart squeezing in his chest. You were too adorable for your own good. OMG WE ARE STARING WITH A DATE???🤭 THAT'S A LOVELY WAY TO START A FIC

“No need to thank me. I enjoyed it just as much.”, he smiled. “And I’d love to see you again.” GIGGLING

It was insane how quickly this man had you falling for him. IM SCREAMING

You’d laughed if off, saying they wouldn’t take you anyway so there would be no use to put time and effort in an application, but your dad being your dad had insisted they would. So in an attempt to prove your point, you’d applied anyway and to your biggest surprise, they’d invited you for a first interview.WE LOVE THE DAD

“You look awfully happy, y/n. Something you want to tell me?” Anna took a sip from her coffee and leaned back in her chair; her watchful eyes following your every move in hopes to figure out what had happened.NONONO SHE IS JUST IN LOVE BUT SHHH🤭

“It was pretty much perfect.”, you admitted, feeling the heat rising to your cheeks. “He was an absolute sweetheart and gentlemen. We actually went for a walk with his dog first – he’s super cute by the way – and then grabbed some take away on our way back and spent the evening at his and-” THE PERFECT DATE

“You went to a stranger’s house for a first date? y/n, are you crazy? That’s bloody dangerous and-”WHO SAID IT'S A STRANGER?🤭

“Yes, sorry, I was just thinking about yesterday.”, you chuckled, dropping your head to avoid her seeing your red cheeks. “His name is definitely Cameron.”YES CAMERON 😌😂

“Morning girls, it’s short notice, my apologies, but there’s going to be a meeting in conference room no. 2 in ten minutes. Make sure you’re on time please.”OH, I DON'T LIKE THIS

“No idea, but for some reason I have a really bad feeling about this, to be honest.”, you confessed. Your heart was racing and you felt sick to your stomach; both signs that had you worried as your gut feeling very rarely ever fooled you.I HAVE A HORRIBLE FEELING TOO

After an exhausting day on the training pitch as well as an extra shift in the gym straight after, Mason would normally flop down on the sofa and take a nap before a game or two with Ben and an early night, but after the date with you yesterday, he was still pretty much on cloud nine.HE IS A LITTLE BABY

It had taken him an embarrassingly long time to grow a pair and ask you out – about three years of friendship in fact – and he wasn’t proud of how long he’d been simping for you in silence and opting to stick to staying friends, but he’d been terrified of being rejected. OMG CUTIE PIEEE

So one evening on your way back home – you’d been out for dinner with friends – he’d held you back by your hand, bit the bullet and shyly asked if you wanted to go out with him. On a date. And the bright smile on your face as you’d nodded, had made his tummy flip like never before.OMG THEY ARE SOOOOO CUTE I CAN'T

The only problem: He missed you already.OHHHHHHH🥹🥹🥹

He considered calling you, but he didn’t want to annoy you, so he eventually opted for a message. But much to his surprise, it was left unanswered. OH NO😭

“Morning.”, you mumbled quietly as you entered your office. Your voice lacked the usual excitement and happiness, but Anna’s greeting wasn’t more cheerful either and as much as it sucked, you were glad you weren’t the only one who struggled to process everything that had happened and throughout the day you noticed that it seemed as if the news had hit everyone quite surprisingly, meaning the atmosphere was tense – to say the least.WHAT DID THEY TELL TO MY GIRLS TO MAKE THEM THIS SAD😭

You knew it would confuse and probably hurt him and that alone made you feel like the worst person on earth. Mason was the most genuine and kind man you’d ever met. He had a heart made of gold and deserved nothing but the best and here you were ignoring his every single attempt.  WHAT DID THEY ASK HER TO DO, OMG😭

“y/n, you’re crying. That doesn’t look like everything being okay to me.” She gently turned your chair and grabbed your hands. “What’s wrong? You can talk to me, you know that.”OMG MY GIRL😭

The sad and disappointed look in his big brown eyes had haunted you throughout the whole day and now that you were sitting in your quiet kitchen, staring at the wall and trying to enjoy your dinner, it got even worse.OH NO SAD PART IS COMINGGG

He didn’t deserve any of this. But there was nothing you could do. He had to forget about you and the feelings he held for you as quickly as possible and shutting him out felt like the only way. Even if it was the most painful one. OH WHY DOES HE HAVE TO FORGET ABOUT HER 😭

Mason had messaged you again a little while ago, asking how your meeting had gone, but you’d ignored it. Just like the two calls that had come in a little later. You could feel your heart breaking every single time his name popped up and your resistance crumbled ever so slightly.OMG SHE IS BREAKING HIS HEARTTT

OMG HIS MESSAGES BROKE MY HEART

A deep sigh left Mason’s left when once again there was no reply from you. Ever since yesterday evening, he’d been wondering what he could’ve done that would make you ghost him, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t find anything. OH BABY BOY I DON'T THINK IT'S YOUR FAULT AT ALL

Looking back at it now, even you telling him you had a meeting to attend, felt like you brushing him off and not wanting to talk to him, especially as he’d seen you talking animatedly to a colleague not long after, and his heart squeezed uncomfortably at the thought of you not wanting anything to do with him anymore. OH NO🥺 THAT'S NOT WHAT IS HAPPENING

It didn’t get easier at all. The next day still felt like you were ripping your own heart out and you had a hard time focussing and not bursting into tears.OMG THEY ARE HURTING SO MUCH

You had a feeling that Anna knew something was genuinely wrong with you, but she respected your decision and didn’t ask you again. Instead, she brought you tea and a couple of snacks back whenever she had to leave the office and whenever she’d pass you, she squeezed your shoulder in an attempt to be there for you.ANNA IS THE CUTEST

It was what was best for you. Even though it didn’t feel like it at all. And if you were being honest with yourself, you began to genuinely doubt whether you were really doing the right thing.TRUST ME IT'S NOT THE RIGHT THING

“Hi.”, he said quietly. The small smile on his face didn’t reach his eyes like it usually would, and it pained you, knowing you were the one who’d caused it. “Can we talk?”OPS THERE HE IS

“Yeah, obviously everything’s fine.”, he scoffed, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “That’s why you’ve been off with me right? And ignored my messages and calls. And dismissed me yesterday, saying you have a meeting when you actually just didn’t want to talk to me.”OH BABY BOY

“I thought the date was great and you said you’d enjoyed it too. What happened ever since? Or did you lie back then and never planned on seeing me again?” His voice was laced with disappointment and sadness and the expression in his voice mirrored both in a way that had your heart hurting like never before. OMG I WANT TO HUG HIM

You wanted to tell him you didn’t lie and that you’d meant everything you’d said. You wanted to wrap him up in your arms and confess how much you liked him, but instead, you got up from your desk and shook your head.NO Y/N, HUG HIM PLEASE

“I don’t want this, Mason.”WHAT? SHE IS JOKING,RIGHT??

“y/n, what’s wrong with you? What happened for you to turn on me like this? What did I do?” It was painful to hear him questioning himself, wondering what he had done wrong, when it hadn’t been him at all, but you couldn’t tell him that. “I don’t get this at all. y/n, we got along so well, what happened? If I did something to piss you off, just tell me, please…like…just please.” THE FACT THAT HE IS CONVINCED ITS HIS FAULT HURTS

“Look at me and tell me you don’t want this. That you don’t want me.”, Mason all but demanded. He was agitated, desperately grabbing the last straw he could find, but his heart only broke further, when you didn’t say anything at all. HE IS BEGGING YOUUU TELL HIM😭

“And I thought this could be it.”, he sighed. Shaking his head he let go off your elbow and slowly trudged out of your office.AND AFTER THIS I'M CRYING, LET'S THANK MY PERIOD AND YOUR WRITING ☺️😭

This was the worst you’d ever felt. No other heartbreak came close to how much it hurt to know you’d sent away the best thing you’d ever had.THE FACT THAT SHE ALREADY CONSIDERS HIM THE BEST THING SHE EVER HAD 😭😭😭

“I erm…I’m not feeling very well, to be honest.”, you admitted, knowing it was no use lying to her when you probably looked like you’d been crying for the past hour. “I think I’ll actually head home.”OPEN UP TO HER GIRL, YOU NEED TO TALK WITH SOME ONE

Coming into training the next day, Mason still felt awful. Obviously, he was still hurt by you pushing him away like you had, but he also felt horrible for not respecting the choice you’d made. AND NOW HE FEELS MORE GUILTY, YAY 😭

You’d obviously been distraught and instead of just accepting it for the time being, he’d made it worse and demanded something you’d not been ready to give to him yet. He had too much respect for you to disrespect your decisions like he had and whilst it might only hurt him further, he’d made the decision to apologise for his behaviour and tell you that he’d be okay with being friends.OH HE IS MY BIG MATURE MAN😌🥹

He quickly took a shower before jogging up to your office, thinking that after today, you and him could be back to being friends, but he was more than surprised to find it empty. Your desk looked untouched, there was no bag by the side of it and no trace of your coffee mug.OH SHE TOOK THE DAY OFF,I WANT TO HUG HER🫂😭

The blonde girl nodded. “I take it you’re looking for y/n?”, she asked, receiving a quick confirmation from the midfielder. “She’s not in today. Rang in sick this morning to let us know she won’t be in the whole week.”OMG THE WHOLE WEEK, THAT'S BAD...

Mason’s heart dropped to his tummy. You were rarely ever sick and it wasn’t like you to sign off sick entirely instead of working from home, so the worry that overcame him was barely bearable.HE IS FREAKING OUT, RUN AT HERS IN 3 2 1....

Anna just nodded and watched him leave. She’d been suspicious before as you and Mason had always got along really well and you’d kept mentioning him, but whenever she’d hinted at there being more between the two of you, you’d denied it and explained that he’s just a really good friend.Now however, she felt as if everything was adding up: You struggling to remember the guy’s name you’d gone on a date with, the way you’d not taken the news on Tuesday well and now you ringing in sick for the whole week after you’d obviously been crying yesterday. SHE KNOWS OMG IM GIGGLING ANNA IS MY GIRL, GO ANNA😌😌

Mason didn’t have to think twice about where to go as he got into his car and started the engine. He’d been determined to make things right before and now that he had the confirmation that something was genuinely wrong, he wanted to make sure you were okay even more.I JUST HOPE SHE WILL LET HIM IN AND TELL HIM EVERYTHING

“I’m okay.”, you nodded, trying to shut the door subtly, but Mason caught on to it almost immediately.GO MASEEE 🤭

“I actually came to apologise too.”, Mason admitted. He scratched the back of his head. “Do you think I could come in? Please?”OH BABY

You thought about it for a second, utterly confused why he was the one wanting to apologise when you’d ghosted him for days, but you eventually sighed and let him in. Having known him for years it was pretty easy to tell that he wouldn’t leave unless he got to apologise for whatever it was and especially because of the current circumstances, it would be better if he wasn't seen at your front door.CAYSE HE TGINKS IT WAS HIS FAULT, THE POOKR BOY

He had so much to say, so many things to reassure you that he was okay with whatever you wanted him to be, but one accidental look at your opened notebook was all it took to shut him up. The page you’d opened on Google made it unmistakably clear that none of what he’d planned to say was necessary. You had made your decision. A painful decision made by someone he’d never thought would hurt him like this.OMG? WHAT WAS SHE LOOKING AT ??

“Never mind.”, he said. “It was a ridiculous idea to think you’d want anything to do with me after your behaviour those last days…and to think I came here to apologise. Fuck me.” The hollow laugh he let out had chills running down your spine. You didn’t think you’d ever seen him this hurt and you were desperate to explain, but Mason wasn’t having any of it.WHAT JUST HAPPENED???

“Look, y/n, you don’t have to pretend anymore. Why didn’t you just tell me you didn’t want to date me anymore? Obviously, it would’ve hurt, but we’ve been friends for so long, I would’ve never let you go entirely. I would’ve been okay with being friends if that’s what you wanted, but very clearly, were not on the same page with that either.”WHAT HURT HIM THAT MUCH??? CARLOTTA YOURE TOO GOOD WITH THOSE SUSPENSE MOMENTS BUT I NEED TO KNOW

“y/n you’re literally looking for a new job.”, he huffed. “You obvs can’t wait to get away from me and whatever it was between us. Just tell me, seriously, because this is getting ridiculous. I just…this is so fucked up, I can’t believe it…I just…”OHHHH SILLY, SHE WANTS TO LEAVE SO SHE CAN BE WITH YOUUUUU

“Yeah? Then fucking tell me how what you’re doing translates into you wanting to be friends or more with me. Because I obviously don’t get it at all.”, he bellowed. “It hurt y/n, can you imagine? We went out on that date and it went so well and I really thought you were the one I’d been looking and waiting for for years. I genuinely thought we had something but instead you went all cold on me and fucking ghosted me. You didn’t even explain anything. Do you have any idea how much that hurt?”OH BOY, LET HER EXPLAIN, SHE IS HURTING PROBABLY MORE THAN YOU

“And on top of that, here I am wanting to apologise for making you feel bad and disrespecting your decision…god this is so fucking humiliating you have no idea. I-”, Mason stopped and took a deep breath, trying to compose himself as he didn’t have the strength to keep going like this anymore. He just wanted it to be over. “Look, y/n, you don’t have to leave. I know how much you love your job and the club. I’ll just stay away and leave you be. It’s like we’ve never been friends or something, I don’t know.”OH STOP IT NOW AND LET HER TALK

And with that, he turned around, obviously leaving the choice with you once again, and you contemplated letting him leave, but you knew that this time it would be for good. And whilst it was everything, you’d tried to achieve those last days, right now you realised it was the worst thing that could happen.GO GIRLLLL

“I’m doing this for us.”I KNEW ITTT

You took a deep breath, ready to lay it all out in front of him, no matter the consequences, but you were terrified it was too late. “I…with the new management, we’re not allowed to have any kind of friendship, let alone relationship with any of the first team players.”STUPID MANAGEMENT RUINING MY LITTLE COUPLE

“The day after our date? We got called into a meeting where they explained that the team’s success is the most important thing and that nothing and no one can be a distraction. Apparently, someone had filled them in on the friendships that had formed and they didn’t like that administrative staff and players aren’t strictly separated, so they gave us updated terms for our contract that states that from now on, any kind of relationship and us is strictly forbidden and that whoever would break the rules would be immediately suspended. Apparently, we don’t even have to sign it for it to be effective.”THAT'S SO BLEAH🤮🤮🤮 IGNORANT PEOPLE

“y/n.”, he sighed softly as he took a couple of careful steps into your direction and when you didn’t back off, he eventually brought you into a tight hug. SHE FINALLY RECIVED THE HUG SHE'D BEEN NEEDING IN TGE PAST 2 DAYS

“It’s okay, love.”, he whispered as he leaned his cheek on top of your head. “I got you, I’m not going anywhere.”OHHHHH I'LL MELT🥹🥹🥹

“I’m sorry.”, you whispered once you’d regained enough composure. “I know I hurt you a lot and I never meant to be as shitty as I’ve been. It’s just…when they handed us the updated terms, I didn’t know what to do. They said there would be consequences and I was so terrified something could happen to you and…I thought you’d just forget about me and our date if I pushed you away enough and…I’m so sorry I hurt you like this.”THE FACT THAT SHE WAS SCARED ABOUT WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED TO HIM😭😭😭

“I know.” He gently cupped your jaw with his warm hand, thumb caressing the soft skin on your cheekbone causing you to smile softly. “But still…Yesterday, I gave you the chance to explain, but everything was still so fresh and then today when I came here, I cut you off all the time and jumped to conclusions. I know I was mad and hurt, but I should’ve given you a moment to explain. I’m sorry, I didn’t.” HE IS THE BIGGEST WALKING GREEN FLAG IVE EVER SEEN

You gently kissed the palm of his hand before leaning back against his chest. His evenly beating heart doing the trick in settling you even more and when Mason ran one hand up and down your spine, you snuggled into him even further. THE PALM KISS KILLS ME EVERYTIME, ITS SO INTIMATE

Mason was the best thing that had ever happened to you and it didn’t matter whether it was as your boyfriend or a normal friend, there was no way you’d ever let him go. SCREAMING

“I don’t want you to quit, y/n.”, Mason suddenly said. “Let’s keep it under the wraps and see where it’ll go. We obviously like each other a lot, but we don’t know if it’ll work out in the long run. Let’s just figure it our just us two and when we’re both certain that this is what we want, you can still quit.”THE PERFECT MAN IF YOU ASK ME

“More than sure.”, Mason smiled. He leaned down and pressed his lips to your forehead. “I know how much you love working for United and there’s absolutely no need to worry about me. If anything, I’ll be even more focused and determined to do well and impress you, to be honest.”OHHHHHH CUTIE🤭🤭🤭🤭

“We are.”, he confirmed and the smile lighting up his face made you feel weak in the knees. He really was the most beautiful man you’d ever laid your eyes on. “And I couldn’t be happier, love.”THEY ARE HAPPY, I AM HAPPY😌🥹

“I really want to kiss you.”, he admitted quietly, nose nudging yours in an attempt to test the waters and when you didn’t pull away, but instead tilted your head a little to the side, he dipped down and kissed you softly.GO MASON GO MASON GO🤭🤭🤭

“I like you so much, y/n.”, he whispered; both of you knowing that liking each other didn’t come close to how you actually felt, but you knew it was too early to say it yet.“I like you loads, too.”, you smiled and with that, Mason leaned back in to kiss you again. WE HAVE TWO CUTIE PIES IN LOVE

I WOAH I COULD GO BACK AND READ THIS FOR THE FIRST TIME🥹

THAT WAS WOW LITERALLY, THIS GOES IMMEDIATELY ON MY TOP 3 OF MY FAVOURITE FICS WRITTEN BY YOU (TWO GHOSTS CANT LEAVE ITS FIRST PLACE SORRY)

I LOVE HOW YOU PUT SUSPENSE IN EVERY FIC, EVEN IF I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING IMMEDIATELY IT MAKES EVERY EMOTION 1016591 TIMES BIGGER AND MORE IMPORTANT 😭

I JUST LOVE THE WAY YOU WRITE AND MAKE ME FEEL THEIR EMOTIONS

LIKE I LITERALLY CRIED AT SOME POINT

WOW, JUST WOW BESTIE

YOURE AMAZING I CANT BELIEVE THAT YOU GET SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT YOUR FICS, CAUSE THEY ARE LITERALLY AMAZING

IM AMAZED BY YOUR TALENT

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS I'M PROUD OF YOU🩷🩷🩷

Bestie thank you so so much 🥺🩷 I’m so glad you enjoyed it so much and I’m really glad you liked me not telling everything straight from the beginning.

I debated putting the meeting or a conversation between Anna and y/n in but in the end I felt like this was the better option and I’m glad you agree 🙌🏼🤭

Thank you very much. I appreciate this more than I could ever tell 🩷🩷🩷

[taromilksnake]

11:39 pm stomach ache from cheese and milk

just brought sherry and mikey home

i want to be an artist and not a teacher, but i don’t have the guts or idea of where to start

“awkward is where art lives” came to my today during one of my restroom breaks

was woken up too early by meowu at 10am today, worked on my ILP til 3pm (while stressed about making melissa have to check it over the weekend), only for her to do so in like…10min. feel like an idiot but at least it’s done

declined a hangout with lito and teresa, ate a cheesy spicy ramen with milk (anxious stomachache tagging in lactose intolerance stomachache), dressed up real cute and promptly went back to bed (lol)

woke up from stress simulations of the classroom, dark out beyond the curtains, sounds to the neighbor’s dog barking and arguments outside

put my earrings back in, folded some origami boats with feet, and went to pick up sherry and mikey from the airport

btw my outfit is a plain black tshirt, casual dress pants (dark grey), tulip earrings, periwinkle nailpolish. understated artist, i think is what i’m going for. i felt much better about my haircut, and honestly felt (and feel) really hot. the hairstyle is worth revisiting, it think. i was trying to channel the theatre major from skip and loafer (i wish i could be as brave).

in a strange mood in general…i’m not happy, but i’m not like super depressed or anxious. just tired and (ok, a little anxious) about the future, i guess

good news is i appreciate meowus clingy cuddling again (as much as i usually do, anyway) and believe in her love for me again (as much as i can, anyway)

…it’s almost a relief to say out loud, but just like realizing i have esteem issues, i think i believe i’m a fundamentally unloveable person. i was about to write broken, but it’s not that i think im “wrong,” but i am never “good enough.” not as a teacher, and in some ways not as a person (see: my inability to love the kids or meowu). maybe this is what people mean when they say “low empathy”? i think dean asking about me the way he did made something click, that the way he has been treating me is always kinda knowing, like the way you’d interact with a depressed person. not in a demeaning way, but like he sees a (more complete) version of myself that i don’t, or at least don’t believe. the prospect of having regrets, of not doing all the things i want to do because i wasted my time doing what i think i should scares me

…it’ll all work out, i’m sure

[fuckingdrawbacks]

i still feel shitty and it pains me that i cant tell u that.

i remember winter when we still had our honeymoon phase. we walked around, holding hands, cuddling, eating those curly fries and falling asleep together. i remember walking on that winter fair the first time we went there together. it felt magical and after those two years, i still fucking wish we could go there together again. i wish we could drive in your parents car to your city, ticking each other every now and then, holding hands and resting our heads on each other's shoulders.

i remember when you got your septum piercing. you sent me to your apartment to hide those piercings and to prepare for your parents to come. i think it was early November, because i had that spooky seasonal starbucks drink. i couldn't get into your apartment because we hid the key inside the building, but i couldn't get into it. i wanted to pick the lock, but every now and then someone would walk somewhere. ultimately someone was going in and i went behind him. it's a stupid memory but i remember it so vividly. i remember the spark in your eyes when we were sitting in your room.

i remember waking up on those early winter mornings, all cold because of your fixation with opening the windows. i was really fucking cold, because you always took all of the blankets over to your side, and i wanted you to be cozy. i felt cold on my skin, but inside i was all warm, because i was laying by your side and i was so fucking happy. i wish we could go back in time, so that i still could fall asleep next to you.

i remember your sleeping face when i woke up before you. it's so clear. i don't even remember how you look now, but i perfectly recall every single detail about how you looked on those mornings. i remember your stripy shorts and your (occasionally blank) white tee. i remember you looking for your frog plushie when it fell from the bed. i always helped you look for it and i found it first pretty often. i wonder if you also have those memories. i really hope that they are not painful to you.

i wonder what you think of me; i wonder if you still love me at least a little bit.

i still hope that one day we will get together again. i don't know if i love you for who you are right now, i don't even think that i really know you right now. but i'm 1000000% sure i still love the person you were when we first met. i know that you're not that person anymore, but even if there's still a part of her in you, i still love you to death.

i wish you could read those messages, i wish they could change anything, i wish you wouldn't tell me that i should talk to someone. i wish i could talk to you instead. i wish i could hold your hand, i wish i could wake up and see your sleeping face again.

my mind has been racing a lot lately. i had troubles sleeping for a while now, but i don't think they were so severe as they are right now. the last time i fell asleep quickly and didn't feel tired when i woke up was back in your apartment. i think every single time we slept together i fell asleep quickly. i think i felt safe; my mind wasn't racing, my heart wasn't beating so hard that i could literally hear it. i've been having problems with that too. i try to fall asleep, and after a while my heart starts beating so fast that i feel like im about to faint. maybe i should get it checked out, but honestly, i don't want to live if i can't be by your side.

i don't want to be that guy; i don't want to sound like an asshole, but i feel like there's no one that will love you as much as i do. i hope that it's not true; i hope that you will find love and that you will feel loved and appreciated and that you will actually feel good. i just wish so fucking much that it could be me.

i cried so much when i came back home after that night. i lost you and all that was keeping me alive was my dog. now that she's gone too, i've been feeling nothing. i've been feeling empty, without any point in life. i feel like it's not real, that i will wake up any moment; that i will walk downstairs and that she will be there, sleeping where she always were.

i find myself breaking down more and more lately. maybe it's for the better, because after some crying i'm able to fall asleep. the only thought that puts me at ease is you. it's so fucked up that after all that time i'm still breaking down and i'm unable to calm down without thinking of you. and you don't know about it, you just play some games with him, and you spend your days without even thinking about me once. maybe it's not true and i don't want to blame you - i'm not - but it feels weird to me that i'm still addicted to you and that you don't give a shit about me. i mean, not that i'm telling you about this, so why would you. i'll be fine eventually. i really hope so.

i remember your face when you facetimed me that one time you didn't want to come home. i remember how much tears you shed; i remember how your skin was shining because of those tears. i felt so scared. you were living in a dangerous place and it was pitch black outside. i remember how my voice was breaking when i asked my dad if he could drive me over to you. i remember how scared i was when driving to you. and i remember how broken i felt when i came to your room and you didn't even look at me. i didn't expect you to come into my arms; i didn't do it for me to feel better. i just wanted to see that you were okay and i was scared that you would do something to yourself. i always cared about you so so so much, i still do. i still occasionally get thoughts that you did something to yourself, that maybe something has hit you, that maybe you fell over. i don't fucking know, i just hate not knowing if you're okay. i never cared about a human being as much as i cared about you. i don't care about a human being as much as i STILL TO THIS DAY care about you. even after all of this, you're still my everything. i love you so fucking much and i miss you so much, i can't even articulate how much i miss you. i prayed to every god i know; i even bought stupid fiverr manifestations for us to come together; i beg every power that there may be for me to wake up in the morning back in 2021. everything reminds me of you - i went outside one day to feed that cat that comes to us and i felt like when i was coming to your apartment from the bus stop. just because it was an afternoon during fall. i still fucking feel like that every time i go out. i need to focus so much to not just burst into tears every time i go outside during fall/winter. just because i remember when we used to go out when there were fallen leaves everywhere. and i miss it so much.

i still didn't remove a single picture with you. they're all there, just in the hidden section, so that i don't stumble upon them by accident. i don't want to remove them in case we get together. i don't want to lose those memories. i don't want to lose reminiscence of the last time i felt happy. and i'm not joking - i don't remember a single time i felt actually good and happy since that night when i went out to look for you. i've been feeling empty ever since. like there was a part of me locked(?), like i left something with you.

i remember when we used to go shopping; i remember listening to music with one airpod each; i remember when you put that plunger on your head, i remember walking in those funny shops looking for stuff that could be funny. i wish i put that stupid necklace on, i wish i made one for you as well. i hate myself for not doing things like that in the moment. i fucking hate myself for that so much. every time i think of it i want to kill myself right on the spot. i wish there was anything that would fix what i did or didn't do in the moment. i feel so terrible having to live with those memories. i tried to get over them; i tried to forget them, i tried to hate you, i tried to just like you. nothing helped, nothing made me stop loving you and nothing made me feel better. you told me countless times that you don't remember half of the stuff i've been reliving every, single, night. i've tried to re-associate words we used or music we listened to. nothing worked. everything still reminds me of you. you changed me so much. you made me feel loved. you made me feel what love is and what actually caring about someone is. and i don't think i will ever get over you; that i will ever love someone as much as i loved you. and that i will ever feel as loved as much as you did.

sometimes i wish my parents hated me; i wish i ran away or something. i wish i could disappear or just kill myself without hurting others. i already lost my dog, and i feel so empty without her. there were many times when i almost killed myself and every time i didn't do it, it was because i got scared of how she would feel when i disappeared; how she wouldn't know what happened to me and how she would wait for me to come back. i feel scared of what will happen when i feel the urge to kill myself.

i don't think i will ever learn to live with just memories of you. i wish we could go to that winter fair and eat sushi at your parents house again.

[drowninmiserylake]

existential crisis

running down this tunnel that never ends, but i know it will. I don’t want it to end, but I can’t stop running. My feet hurt, but I can’t stop. I’m scared the end is coming sooner than I'd like. Can I slow down? Can I jog? Can I just walk at a fast pace? I try, but it still feels like I just can’t stop running. I hear the labored breathing, I feel my hand around his swollen jaundice fingers, the sweating pooling from my anxiety and his terminal fever. I jolt awake and realize the  labored breathing was my dog’s snores. I swear she snores like a grown man sometimes. But, that dream was real. It was an occurrence that I lived through and haunts me daily. Sometimes I miss that moment, knowing you were still here. Watching your chest struggle to expand. Never wanting to sleep because any second it could be your last breath. I missed it anyway. 

I can’t stop thinking about how we are all gonna die and where the fuck do we go? I can’t help, but think after this there is nothingness. We won’t even have consciousness and it’s terrifying me. I don’t know why. I guess I should feel relief in that, but I feel like I’m doing everything in life wrong. I should be dead by now or at least on a transplant list by now, but a drug was invented to extend my life and now I have to start all over. I started over at 28. It feels like I’m 18 and everyone I know is at different stages of their lives than I am with mine. I’m going fucking crazy. I got this little bit of hope. This medicine that extends my life and I’m freaking out that something else will come up now because you know because that’s how my life fucking works. nothing ever works out like literally ever. I'm scared some other terminal medical condition will appear and my life will end early. I’m not sure if it’s a premonition or trauma. I just don’t wanna fucking die like ever. I'm scared for that moment and how it will happen and will it be painful. I just watched too many people die in the last year. Im scared as fuck. I want there to be some peaceful after life, but logically thinking it doesn’t seem that way. Then it’s like what the fuck is the point of anything and why am I just fucking sitting here all fucking day doing nothing but waiting for that day to come. I just want love and peace and happiness and I never have it. I don’t feel safe at home. I don’t feel love from anyone except my dog. I don’t feel a constant happiness fill my life. what the fuck am I doing here? 

[fearowkenya]

unabridged rambling about the Fucked Up French Dog Book I Read As A Child

so i'll transplant+expand on the tags that survived tumblrs attempt on my life then just keep talking lmao. context this is about the text post asking about the book you read the most. now disclaimer there MIGHT be a book i read more times than this but this is by far the one that sticks out to me the most

so theres this one french book i read in like. third or fourth grade. or maybe second. in any case it was back when i was attending a french school so the french reading level was pretty high. this is not relevant to the book but it is an interesting thing to remember for Later in my experience with it

anyway i cant remember if i chose to read this book or if it was assigned to me or chosen for me. i THINK it mightve been chosen for me by my teacher but im not sure. the reason im not sure is bc it was a book where the main character was a dog. so like. Exactly My Brand. and i really really liked it.

cw animal death from here on out btw

so i read it at LEAST twice i think. in early elementary. see ok my recollection of elementary is Before i changed schools and After i changed schools. i 100% absolutely remember reading it at least once Before i changed schools.

i think maybe what happened is After i changed schools i like. saw it in my french class and was like 'oh yeah ive read this. my teachers at this school dont know ive read this. easy shit i will just read it again'. so that wouldve been like 5th or 6th grade i think.

later on this book got Actually Assigned as an Everyone In Class Read This Book sorta situation and i remember being kind of baffled because i wouldve been in 7th or 8th grade at that point and i remember being like. "Well this is Awesome for me but how did this happen. i read this book in [whichever grade i was in, either 2nd or 3rd or 4th]. and it was easy shit then so why are we reading this In Class as its Own Thing . is this not too far below our level.' (its bc you transferred to an Eng school kiddo the Fr reading level was way lower than ur old school) in any case, i didnt say anything because i wasnt about to look a gift horse in the mouth lmao

anyway the whole time we were reading it as a class i was very happy because it was like . Oh i got this in the BAG ive read this book before! and then aced the shit outta the reading comprehension worksheets. it was almost an UNFAIR ADVANTAGE. you CANNOT beat me on my HOME TURF (home turf being, Weird Book About Dog)

id like to read it again tbh and maybe read the eng translation as well. im curious about it.

so in summary its about a stray dog seeking somewhere to call home and possibly a good owner who loves him. now this dog is UGLY this is an important trait of his. he is an ugly horrible stray who lives an ugly horrible life and he has two mentor-figures that die terribly throughout the book . and then he meets a horrible little girl and they become besties. but then her dad is like 'this dog is ugly and SUCKS' and gets rid of him. and then the dog is like 'oh yeah?? oh yeah????? im done being scared and sad im fuckign PISSED now. try me IDIOT' and breaks into his house and Destroys it

by 'destroys it' i mean he makes friends with a gang of dogs and they break in and wreck the place. the dog nearly has a heart attack bc his new dog friend who is helping him Wreck Shit gets stabbed i think?? and is like Dog. i am dying. tell my storyyyy. and then the dog is MISERABLE AND UPSET and freaking out because this would make THREE important other dogs who die on him. but then his friend is like 'oh shit jk bestie im actually fine. damn . it was supposed to be an epic prank dude im fine hey shh its ok'

'mattie whats the dogs name' you might be wondering. he doesnt have one. hes referred to as 'the dog' . he is never named. the little girl is never named either. well no she is but her "real" name is never stated because it's irrelevant. she's referred to by the name the Dog chooses for her which is apple. because. she smells like apples.

other notable dogs in this book are the first one whose name i dont remember but she takes him in when he lives in the junkyard. and then she fucking dies i forget how. i think she's crushed by a refrigerator. anyway her dying words are smth to the effect of 'you have to be swift little one. you have to be swift...' and then she croaks

the SECOND one is when hes trapped at the dog pound and they're on track to be euthanized because the shelter is full. their name was le laineux (the wooly one) .

the third one is. oh shit i think their name was 'le hyeneux' which i remember clocking as 'the hyena-ish one' and didnt bother looking up if 'hyeneux' was a Real Word the same way 'laineux' is because le hyeneux's main traits are Staying Silly and Cackling Like A Hyena. no further specification necessary .

the whole thing with le laineux was so fucked up because theyre on borrowed time , they're up next on death row at thsi full kill shelter and Dog doesnt understand why laineux, who is so kind and good and gentle, is still here and no ones adopting them (they are old and sickly). dog fully intends to die with laineux and they are comforting each other as they approach deaths door, but then RIGHT ebfore the shelter closes someone comes in and chooses him and hes like no what the fuck it shouldnt be me ??? and laineux is like 'no this is good. you need to go' and dog REFUSES he throws himself at the bars of the cage to scare the little girl who wants to take him home, maybe so that laineux looks better in comparison and they'll pick laineux instead, maybe to guarantee that he dies with laineux, and hes snarling and barking at this little girl to try to deter her and unfortunately for him it backfires because shes like "AW FUCK YEAH he BITES hes MEAN i want a MEAN DOG' and they take him home and laineux dies alone but happy that Dog gets to live

anyway it does have a happy ending he does see his girl again and hes happy. the dad is like. ok well i am kind of impressed by this dogs weird tenacity so he can stay. also my child did not take me trying to kill her dog very well. so i will let her keep the dog.

now that i think about this maybe this book is also another reason Why I'm Like This. cabot-caboche by daniel pennac if anyones curious hahah

LMFAO I DIDNT REALIZE THERE WAS A TAG LIMIT ON TUMBLR??? a lot of my rambling about fucked up french dog book got cut off

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Can't sleep. Maybe I'll pull an all-nighter then go do an eight hour shift. Nothing could go wrong.

[iamafalseprophet]

nothing’s gonna hurt you baby · alex jones/barry milland x reader

a/n: this is platonic only, don’t worry, i’m well aware alex has the mental capacity of a child. don’t be weird with him, i’m writing this fic because i want him to just be happy and safe :,) i’m gonna refer to alex as barry in this since that’s what he goes by after being found, his birth name. also it’s almost 5am and i did not proofread im tired sorry

summary: during the aftermath of the kidnapping case, you take care of alex/barry for the night.

warnings/notes: mentions of past trauma/abuse/kidnapping, comfort mostly, gender neutral reader, platonic relationship, past childhood friends, reader takes care of him

word count: 2,100

ao3 link

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

“Are you leaving soon?… I’ll be over, I’m on my way now… Okay, bye.”

You hung up your phone, grabbing your keys and pulling on a jacket as you filed out of the door of your apartment and into your car. It was early January now, and it’s been about a month since Barry Milland had been found living as Alex Jones with an abductor posing as his aunt. You two were friends many years ago in childhood growing up together, and though it was awhile ago, you still missed him. While you were overjoyed that he’d finally been found, you nearly broke down upon hearing what torture he went through for a week.

You were driving right now to where he was staying, with his actual family. They had to travel out of state and couldn’t bring Barry with, and had entrusted you to care for him. You had reunited with Barry a few times since he’d been found, and he had remembered you at least a little bit from when you were kids. You were happy to be caring for him.

It wasn’t too long of a drive. You pulled into the driveway, knocking on the front door where you were met with Barry’s parents. “Thank you so much for coming to do this. Oh, he’s in his room right now,” his mother said to you, both parents with coats on ready to go. You smiled at them, nodding. “Of course, I’m here anytime. We’ll have fun today, you guys don’t have to worry about anything.” You reassured, before the Millands exited their home once they’d gathered their bags, leaving you to call out something along the lines of ‘have a safe trip’.

You unzipped your thick jacket, laying it on the back of a recliner. Once you’d gotten your shoes off too, you made your way to Barry’s room, knocking lightly in hopes to not startle him. “Hey, It’s just me. We’re gonna be hanging out for a little.” You prompted first, seeing Barry watching cartoons on a TV he had in his room. He almost smiled a little first seeing you. “Whatcha doing?” You hummed, walking a little closer and asking first, “Can I sit down?” He waited for a moment, then nodded, to which you then sat down near him.

Barry still wasn’t super verbal yet, healing from what had happened to him in the past months, let alone past couple decades. Though, he didn’t seem to be entirely untrusting of you, seeing as you knew each other once before & his parents trusted you. Barry pointed to the TV, which had Courage the Cowardly Dog playing. He looked at you for a moment, then speaking softly, “Watch it with me?”Your lips curved upward into a smile, and you nodded back. “Sure. We can do whatever we want in the house today, okay?” You told him, and you could’ve sworn you saw his eyes light up right then. Barry needed a friend again, and he had one.

After watching cartoons for around an hour, you heard a growling noise coming from Barry’s stomach, making you sit up a bit. “Do you want me to make some food?” You asked, him replying with a “Yeah.” It was probably time to eat dinner now anyway, almost six. You pulled yourself up. “Okay, c’mon.” You said, getting up from the bed, Barry closely following behind.

The two of you made your way to the kitchen, looking through what was there to make. “What do you want to eat?” You had asked him, awaiting a response. Barry thought for a moment, fixing his glasses that slid down the bridge of his nose. “Can I have a grilled cheese?” He asked, a nod coming from you. “Mmhm. Do you want to help with it or no?” Barry hummed back in response, grabbing the loaf of bread there. “Thank you.” You murmured cheerfully. He went in the fridge, getting cheese as well. “Could you grab the butter too, please?” You said, and he happily followed your request.

The grilled cheeses were nearly done, and they hadn’t really taken long. It was simple enough to where you didn’t mess it up. As you slid two sandwiches onto a plate, you felt a tap on your shoulder which prompted you to turn around. Barry held a box of cookie mix, shaking it inquisitively. “You want to make cookies?” He nodded. You smiled at the boy. “Okay, but you gotta eat dinner before anything sweet. Your food’s done.” You told him, exchanging the cookie mix for the plate, Barry walking to the dining table to sit down as you began to get out the supplies for cookies.

After a little while, Barry had finished his food and you both returned to watching cartoons when the cookies were put in the oven. The house was filled with a the sweet scent of them baking, which was comforting for the both of you at least. Barry showed you a couple of hot wheels he had, shyly asking if you’d play with him. You held a small red car in your hand, tracing over the bed with in and around Barry, which made him laugh a little bit, making your heart swell. It was really nice to see him at least a little happy.

“Are you having fun?” You asked him, a smile hesitantly forming on Barry’s lips. “Mmhm.” He said, shaking his head ‘yes’ slightly. At that, a ding from the timer you had set was heard in the kitchen, causing you to jump up slightly, gently grabbing Barry’s hand. “The cookies are done,” You entered the kitchen once again, carefully removing the tray with an oven mitt Barry found for you. “Wait for them to cool a minute.” You warned, then soon handing him a chocolate chip cookie. He stood there for a moment, and you wondered why you could see his lip tremble. He gave you a sort of sad look.

“Barry? What’s wrong, did I do something?” You felt worried, not anticipating this. He shook his head no, slowly stepping toward you and sort of reluctantly wrapping his arms around you in a hug. It seems like he’d been really happy to actually have a friend, have someone to play with and laugh with again after being in pain for so long. He was confused as to why you were so nice. While hoping you hadn’t overwhelmed him, you heard him sniffle, and it occurred to you that you’d just been standing there thinking. At that thought you quickly hugged him back, resting your head on his shoulder as you did so.

“Am I safe?”

His voice cracked, and you replied in a soft tone, your eyes shut, after a couple moments. “Yes, you’re safe, I promise. Nothing’s gonna hurt you.” You swore, standing there in the kitchen in a hug with him for awhile. After a little bit, he sniffed and you both pulled away, you putting your thumb up to his face to wipe away a rolling tear.

“It’s okay, Barry. Now come on, look what’s here for you.” You said sweetly, mentioning the cookies to which he picked one up, you doing the same. You lightly pulled him over to the couch with the plate of cookies, offering him the remote to pick a movie with. With your previous hug, he found himself a little more comfortable with being close. You sat shoulder to shoulder on the couch, sharing a blanket and cookies. He had picked something to watch, and you happily sat there to watch it with him. And another after that.

Once you both were noticeably feeling a little tired. You started to get up, a small hum of protest coming from Barry as he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. He was fine right there, really. “Do you have to take a bath?” You asked, a nod coming from him. Showers had still frightened him since his torture, so he really preferred baths (which you’d been told).

He stood up with you, making his way to the bathroom next to his room hesitantly. “I can help you wash your hair and back, if you want me to. What do you think?” His parents said that he could do it by himself, but it was more of a comfort thing due to his recent fear. Barry stood there for a moment, then gently spoke. “Um, yeah.” He said it sheepishly, as you scooted past him to turn the water on for the bath. “Feel it first to see how you like it, okay?” You spoke, moving his hand under the water slowly. “Colder,” he said, and you nodded turning the handle to the right slightly.

“Get in, and then tell me when to come in, alright?” You spoke to him with care, trying to reflect that so that he’d feel safe and not have to worry about anything. You stepped outside of the room for a minute as he undressed and got in, soon hearing a soft ‘okay’ from behind the door. You entered to see bubbles filled the tub, toy cars lining the edge of it. A small smile formed back onto your lips. You gently took off Barry’s glasses and set them on the sink counter.

“The water is fine?” “Yeah.”

You wet his hair, dark brown and sort of long in length. You squeezed out some shampoo on your hands, watermelon scented. Your hands entangled into Barry’s hair, lathering the shampoo over and over. “Okay, tilt back.” You murmured, and he followed, looking up and staying still as he held one of his toy cars in his hand. A cup of water washed out the shampoo as you held your hand beneath Barry’s chin to keep it in place. Some soap on your hands again, he was turned slightly and you began washing his back. Barry seemed be enjoying just sitting there for now, or at least he was content.

When you both were all done, you drained the bathtub of its water and gave Barry a towel when he stood. He was still as he stepped out and you dried his hair for a little with a thinner towel. “Good job,” you praised him, aware of his aforementioned fear. He did well. A small smile came from him, and you placed his glasses back into his hands.

Barry headed back into his room, putting on a long-sleeve shirt and pajama pants to sleep in. At this point with you here, he didn’t necessarily want to be alone, but you mentioned you’d just be outside the door on the couch. He grudgingly got into bed, a small hug exchanged between the two of you, quick progress. You kept a nightlight on in there, cracking Barry’s door as he fell asleep.

You yawned, walking out of his room and onto the sofa where you all had watched movies before. Running a hand through your hair, you laid down and pulled a blanket over yourself, tired yourself. A lamp was left on, but before you knew it your eyes were closed.

As quick as you fell asleep, you woke up to sounds of sobbing. Barry was sitting on the couch, at your feet, not knowing what to do. Hazily, you sat up and became aware of what was happening. You frowned, looking at Barry and moving a bit closer to comfort him. “What happened?” You murmured, looking in his green eyes. Tears were on his cheeks and he was sniffling. You wiped them away again, pulling him up off the couch gently and going back to his room. You’d stay there this time.

“I was there, there again.” He sniffed.

It was a nightmare, then. Barry spoke through soft sobs, you leading him to lay back down, there beside him. “It’s okay,” you reassured as he was crying into the crook of your neck now. You wrapped your arms around him comfortingly, rubbing his back slightly in attempt to calm him. “I’m right here, Barry. You’re safe. All of that is over, okay?” You spoke. He hummed in response. You said more calming things gently into his ear, his sniffles slowly dying down as he fell back asleep into your arms.

You let out a small sigh, not out of irritation, but gratefulness. Grateful Barry was here right now with you, that you were able to calm him down, and that those people who had kidnapped him before are both gone. You shut your eyes, breathing slower.

You were always going to be here for him, your friend.

[theoutcastedartist]

im sorry you're stressed so much but i just wanted to tell you i think you're amazing! your art is beautiful <3 and i love all your ocs and fancomics! and on that note i'd love to hear lore about lea maniac and marley solano

ANON IM GJSJAJDHSU TYY SMM 💕 I'm glad you enjoy my content sm 💕💕💕 It makes me really happy :D

I'm feeling better now thankfully, it was just a bad episode of ... something??? Tbh I don't even really know what the heck set me off yesterday and looking back on it, I'm a bit embarrassed with myself for making it known to Tumblr that I was stressed or whatever to begin with (that and I become overly chatty whenever I get like that), but oh well at least I didn't say something overly damning so no use in fretting lmao

ANYWHO OCS LORE LETSSS GOOOO BECAUSE HOLY CRAP THERES A LOT TO THESE TWO SPECIFICALLY

Aight so Lea Maniac, the queen, the girl boss herself. We stan a lovely bartender who can kick ass.

Had this character since 2018-2019 I believe(?) She started off as an Animaniacs ocs, a babysitter to the Warners and basically acted as their "Cool Mom Who Choses Violence on Anyone Who So Much as Glances at Her Kids Wrong". In Animaniacs-verse, her backstory was that she was created in 1929-ish from a studio named Syntax Maniac for a series of cartoons titled "Toon Mania" (which was the beta title for "Topsy-Turvy Toons" at the time). Lea was and still is someone who could keep up with the Warners' zany antics, alongside her fiance at the time, Loreto Wolfe. Her and Bugs had a very sibling-like dynamic in their friendship.

Now though, she's a toon whose got her own universe and her own friends, family, and origins without being tied to other pre-existing media (though there are many references to staples in animation history)

Lea Maniac is the eldest of 3 sisters, the two younger ones, LeeMay and Maylee, being twins. Daughter of Mr. Maniac (William "Bill" Maniac) and Mrs. Maniac (Claire Doug-Maniac) who were some of the first "living cartoons" featured in early shorts by Syntax Maniac Studios back in the late 1920's, but by no means famous. No one had even heard of this studio and was often losing animators to work on their shorts.

It wasn't until September 15th, 1941 that Lea Maniac made her first debut in the short "Devil Dog Darlin' " that the studio began to gain recognition and Lea became the unofficial face of Syntax Maniac Studios. She co-starred with her now Husband(tm), Loreto Wolfe, but at the time the two weren't even friends, just mere coworkers who happened to share the same set of creators. Originally, the animators had designed Loreto to be a woman and Lea's rival until Loreto approached one of them (lead animator, Lowell Mantei - who was also responsible for Lea's creation) in hopes of a redesign. From then, the script for on-screen was changed from the two being rivals, to lovers.

Off-screen Lea struggled at home, William (someone she refuses, even to this day, to ever call "Dad") was an abusive, alcoholic, asshole to both his own wife and children (not gonna specific what exactly the abuse entailed because it's genuinely distressing). She also struggled "fitting-in" to society because of how "unlady-like" and "wacky" she was compared to some of the other toons (and ya' girl was very much breaking gender roles and stereotypes of all kinds whenever she could, especially in the 40s, both on and off set).

It wasn't until one day after filming that Loreto happened to stumble upon a very distraught Lea Maniac, who was just so tired and scared of going back to living under the same roof as her father... but despite all of it,, she cares about her family, her sisters... even if they hate her even all these years later..

The two Co-Stars slowly became friends and in the late 1950s, they begin dating (and were on and off for a few years, experimenting with their orientations, etc...) It wasn't until 1964 that they officially got married. They still are happily in love with each other to this day.

Though over the years, even before the two ever started dating, Lea always had a serious alcohol and smoking problem. It had only gotten worse since she was let-off by the studio after an accident left parts of her body scarred (Syntax Maniac Studios would seen shut down in the 70s). Despite it all, she genuinely tries to improve upon these habits of hers, and Loreto is nothing short of supportive of his wife (and vice-versa). Lea is always willing to lend a shoulder to cry on for her husband. The two of them want to someday adopt kids of their own, it's a goal that motivates Lea to work on her issues.

Loreto owns a bakery that is popular to the local townsfolk. Lea works as a bartender at The Vintage Delirium, she loves all her coworkers dearly (even if they completely ban her from taking a sip lol) and her buddy, Edward Ponds, is always a blast to hang out with on any day of the week.

Lea and Loreto live in Wackyville and across from their street live two foster kids, Lilly Goats and Barbara "Barbie" Bunny. They love Lea's stories from her's and Loreto's early acting days (and of course all the sweets Loreto gives them).

(Lea Maniac is Bi-Romantic and Loreto Wolfe is Trans and Pansexual)

ALRIGHT ITS MARLEY TIME BABYYYYY ITS THE GIRL'S TIME TO SHINE WOOO

So my girl, Marley Solano, is a 17 yr old, Cuban-American, lesbian, whose been in the foster care system since she was 5 years old, and sees the best in everyone. She's also something called a "Heaven's Blessing".

At this point in her life, she doubts she'll ever find her "forever home" given how shit the system is (plus, it's not like she remembers what her parents were even like anyways). Despite her circumstances, she is a Straight A student and is nothing short of determined to make it to college. She refuses to be another statistic in the shit system (look as a former foster kid, I've got BEEF with how awful it is so forgive me for projecting a bit)

Marley loves baseball, she never goes anywhere without her prized baseball bat. It's the one possession she has that is actually HERS and she'll be damned if she let's anyone take it from her.

Her latest home is with a family of five: A Husband, A Wife, and their 3 middle school kids.

They're not the worst family she's been with, at worst they just seem to treat her like an unwanted pet or just ignore her existence entirely. That's fine. She's totally fine. It's not like she wishes they were more involved with her life or anything. Totally not wishing for that at all whatsoever. Nope.

Marley is always trying out for baseball teams when it's season, she always makes the team, but can never stick with them given how often she transfers school. Any bond she's had with teammates is usually shattered within a month or two.

This time though, seems longer, granted her team this time is not as welcoming to her, but its a nice change. Outside of baseball and academics, Marley takes cares of stray cats in the street. One night, she finds this little black stray cat, trapped and with an injured eye. She treats him and the little cat leads her to a secluded patch of trees behind an abandoned building.

She visits the little cat often, it's the closest thing she has to a pet. She names him "Knight" for how fearless and protective he is of Marley whenever other strays wonder too close to her. Like a little knight in shining armor.

One day, on her visit to Knight, she hear crying from inside the small secluded building. Of course, Marley goes to check it out.

In it, she meets Andria Skyes, another student from the same school she recently transferred to.

Andria had been chased by a group of bullies from their school for "being a witch" in their sick, usual game of "Witchhunting". She has no shame is calling herself a witch, her tearful frustration comes from being tired of having to "deal with it", having to do so since middle school. This was essentially the straw that broke the camel's back.

Marley reaches out to her... and Andria holds on.

The two become friends very shortly after. Andria even begins developing a crush on the other a month and a half later, with Marley's crush on Andria starting at the 2 months point lol

They take care of Knight together, Andria being the one to take him into her home. Marley visits often.

Two and a half months into their friendship, they admit their feelings to each other and share their first kiss. The two are fiercely protective of the other. And... there's something that Andria has noticed about Marley (besides the literally Rosy-Pink eyes)... it's how she physically responds to places that have spiritual attachments to them. Like say a church...

Every time the two have crossed the town church on the way to Andria's house, Marley feels revulsion to the point of nausea and sickness.

Another thing she noticed was Marley's lack of showing bare skin below the neck, including the palms of her hands. Andria figured she just didn't like showing skin and wouldn't ever budge, but she got an answer from Marley, who had decided one day to be vulnerable and show Andria her heavy scarring.

Marley has never willingly let anyone see all the scars that mark every inch of her body... until Andria. The weird thing about her scars, especially the oldest ones were that they were shaped like crucifixion crosses. Marley herself doesn't even know where they come from and frankly, she doesn't ever want to find out.

Marley is a character of mine who is heavily associated with religious imagery, the cross being the main one she is often seen with. With Marley, it represents that someone is watching over her. Despite all her struggles and feelings of worthlessness in times of weakness, someone has been seeing and hearing her. Even if she herself doesn't believe in the idea of "guardian angels" or faith in supposedly all-powerful supernatural beings in general.

Months after her and Andria are well into their relationship, Marley one day is on her way to her foster home from Andria's house, only to fall through a fucking portal (conveniently) leading to another dimension outside the "natural realm".

Marley suddenly find herself stuck in one of the dimensions between Hell, Heaven, and Earth, which she will come to find out is called the "Realm of Cryptids and Creatures" where every supernatural legend originates from (and occasionally leaks into the Natural Realm) they are all of Heaven and Hell's rejects that escaped going to the VoidFall Dimension, where if you stay long enough, your entire existence will erode away, all traces will be lost forever. If you have a soul however, this process is infinitely more painful as the soul resists being extinguished.

It is in the Realm of Crypids and Creatures that Marley Solano will meet The Lost Messenger, Evangelos.

He had hid from the eyes of Heaven over thousands of years ago, when Creator began having thoughts of making something called "Heaven's Blessings"... humans whose souls are one portion of a fallen angel. Incredibly rare to come across.Their sole life's mission is to grant a specific miracle to one fully human soul, should they die before they complete this miracle they will be doomed to reincarnation until they complete it. Should they succeed however. They are granted access to Paradise, but even this is even more rare. Their human lives are full of sorrow and suffering, the two parts of their souls constantly wailing in agony and react very strongly to spiritual corruption. Marley's case is no different.

Evangelos, however, had been watching over Marley from the Realm of Cryptids and Creatures since the minute she took her first breath on Earth.

He'll admit he's grown attached to the kid.

(Also Marley's nickname is Mars, cuz I think it's cute)

Thank you for letting me ramble incoherently about OC lore, Anon! 💕💕💕

[rabitzzz]

guess ill explain whats up huh

cw for death and suicide and like . genuine traumadumping

my entire life ive really struggled with making friends . not even that , im really charismatic on the surface so i make friends easily . keeping them is a whole different story . its likely because ive never had in depth professional help for my trauma which leads me to be really dependent on others , because professionals have told me i show clear signs of separation anxiety and codependency . its been this way my whole life

this kinda came to a peak in 2018 when i was 16 and finally had a little group of friends online , where a majority of my friends have been for ... forever . we had a discord server for talking and another for rp and we were all super close . one of my closest friends i was closest to was called tobio ( like the hq guy ) and i was friends with him for 8yrs at that point . ive never had a friendship last that long before or since . he was kinda the ringleader of the group snd he was 18 . the oldest person there was a guy called kami and he was 21 or 22 . kami was like my older brother , and he was tobios bf . the other major players in this story are asteria ( 15 ? ) and jay ( 19 )

jay and i met in august when tobio introduced him to the group . i didnt know it then but jay was my first fp , i think . within a week i had developed the biggest most obvious crush in the world and he reciprocated . we ended up dating and to this day he is the ... dare i say he was the only healthy relationship ive ever had , and im sad to admit ive had at least a dozen partners .

a lot happened in that group . something happened that caused a fight between to asteria and tobio , and both of them vented to me . but i was neutral — these were my friends , i wanted them to get along !! i wanted the group to stay together !! but i said something ( " even if tobio was abusive , im just afraid of the others feeling as if they have to make a choice of which side to be on . i dont want that to happen " or something similar . a hypothetical for sure ) to asteria and she took that response out of context , and the friend group split in half between jay / tobio / kami , and asteria and a couple others . i was the ONLY neutral one . out of at least 6 . and i got blamed for everything falling apart .

it was 2 months after i started dating jay when this happened , and we broke up because of it . because he didnt like that i could be friends with someone who accused his lifelong irl friend ( tobio ) of being abusive . during those 2 months , jay wasnt online a single time . and tobio said irl he couldnt find jay either

jay had a job and a dog and lived by himself . it was terrifying for everyone . and again , i was blamed . everyone thought he killed himself after breaking up with me because he always said he couldnt live without me . this was october 8th

jay came back really late september , or really early december . like last day or first day . and we caught up because while he was gone , i would message him updates . sometimes splitting and saying i hated him for disappearing , for scaring me like this . i would send him pretty photography i took walking home from school . i told him how tobio and asteria and the others all stopped talking to me , but that kami stuck around because he was the only one who told me nothing was my fault . jay finally showed me a selfie ( blonde with freckles and hazel green eyes . his eyes were so pretty ) and we talked about us . about how he loved me but the 3 year age gap bothered him so he wanted to wait until i was 17 in april to get back together . we talked about his identity crisis . he got me out of the toxic relationship i had gotten myself into with someone who was way too possessive of me ( and traumatized me sexually despite being 14 / 15 )

jay got me and tobio to be friends again . it was me , jay , tobio , and kami . our group was smaller , but we were together again . i was happy

december 11th . im in class and out of data so i cant be online all day . i finally get around 1pm and see frantic messgaes from jay . typos and full on fear because he thinks tobio killed himself and he cant contact him . asking me if ive heard from him . jay was never frantic . tobio had gone missing in another country and he wasnt this scared before . the messgaes were three hours old and jays offline . i panic and start explaining why i was offline and i hadnt heard from tobio but trying to reassure him . no response . i try calling him on discord . no answer . im crying in my supplementary class because my most important person is stressed and i dont know how to help . if i can .

just earlier that day , before i went to school , he told me he loved me and hed always be there for me .

that was our last conversation .

id never hear from him again .

tobio would come back on the 13th and cut me off entirely . i asked kami and he said to give tobio some time beacause something really bad happened

11 days pass and i havent heard from jay . im upset because this scared me . i didnt want another 2 month disappearance

december 24th . christmas eve . i tell kami im really upset because i havent heard from jay yet since tobios suicide scare

december 24th

8:24pm

kami tells me the " bad thing " that happened

was jay dying .

his last words were for me . tobio told me because kami tried to have us talk things out , to rekindle our 8yr friendship , because we were jays most important people . tobio tells me he hates my guts . he always had . he tried to drop me so many times but i always found him , always clung to him , always annoyed him . he told me i had been too much for jay and thats why he died , because a healthy 19yr old doesnt die in their sleep for no reason . i was too needy , too clingy , too much to " babysit and take care of " , and thats why jsy died

kami broke up with tobio

me and kami drifted apart over the rest of 2019 , not for a lack of trying . too much had happened .

so yeah . this whole thing i have about being so dependent and needing attention is both a result of and a cause of my trauma . ive never learned how to deal with it . thats why ive been so weird for a few months . thats why i get so jealous of healthy friendships and relationships . thats why im hard to get along with sometimes . thats why im in therapy

ill be better one day i think . i hope

sorry ^^;;;

[keichanz]

Mistake

kay so i really don't care if some of this doesn't make sense because this is the first thing i've written in a while that i don't absolutely hate. well this version at least. ending up scraping the first draft because it just seemed wrong and went in a different direction. im glad i did cause im happy with it.

anyway i realize that this may not get much feedback because i took a different approach to it, aka the entire pov is from an OC but i can't bring myself to care too much because i wrote this purely for myself. got inspired, started writing, and i actually liked the content i was writing. end of.

btw the oc doesn't refer to inuyasha as a half-demon because he's unaware he is one and i was too lazy to delve into those waters anyhow.

also for the sake of this oneshot pls dont look too closely at the ranks of diplomat and ambassador. i was too lazy to put much research regarding positions of power so just...go with it.

inspired by @stillunderyourbed​'s art that can be found here.

It was…quaint. Smaller than what he'd expected. The housing structures looked subpar, there didn't appear to be any wooden walkways, and he could detect the distinct odor or fish in the air with hints of manure. There even seemed to be a perpetual dust cloud hovering at about waist high, thickening from the numerous carts, wagons, horses, and villagers kicking up dirt as they went about their daily lives. Already he felt like there was a layer of dust caked on the inside of his lungs and he wasn't even inside yet.

All in all, it was your typical countryside village, home to simple folk that made a living off of fishing, farming, and trade. The diplomat sneered in disgust. For being the rumored home of the creature strong enough to destroy the despicable Naraku, the village was…less than impressive. And to say that he was underwhelmed would be a vast understatement.

Shifting atop his mount, a chestnut gelding that had been his faithful companion for the last four years, Takeji frowned as he surveyed the sight before him. It was early afternoon, so men were out working in the fields, women were chatting amongst themselves as they laundered clothing at the river, and children were running about, playing and laughing while dogs barked at their heels. He could see the great red torii gate and the stone staircase that led to the shrine and he could hardly refrain from rolling his eyes.

The village was obviously poor, possibly even teetering on the edge of poverty, and instead of feeding themselves for a good long while, they decided to construct that monstrosity. He would never understand the minds of simple common folk. Daft. All of them.

Barely keeping himself from scowling, Takeji reluctantly climbed off his mount and forced himself to move forward into the pathetic excuse for a village. Already he knew he would have to burn his expensive attire; there would be no getting the dust and stench out of it after his ghastly visit. A visit he had not wanted to make, but being a highly revered and prestigious diplomat, it was his duty to travel to far off lands in hopes of establishing a profitable relationship that would ultimately benefit his homeland.

Although, looking around and fighting against the urge to retch at both the nauseating stench and the mere sight of all the unwashed villagers milling around, Takeji wondered not for the first time why he even bothered to accept this task. True, it was said the slayer of Naraku did hail from here, but surely having his homeland associated with this hovel would garner nothing but loss. So why had he agreed to come?

Oh, yes, he mused, grimacing as he stepped over a large manure pile right in the middle of the road. Because apparently, being all chummy with the nation's hero will allow us to have him at our beck and call, because who doesn't want a powerful demon capable of slaying the most evil demon in all of existence as an intimidating presence during negotiations, and let's not forget he alone would be equal to about one hundred soldiers in battle.

Rolling his eyes, Takeji tied his mount to a hitching post, withdrew his satchel with all the necessary paperwork, and set about finding this Inuyasha fellow. He'd been told the demon wore scarlet robes, carried a sword at his hip, and had white hair so no doubt he would stick out like a sore thumb amongst the droll browns and grays of the common folk, which suited him just fine. The sooner he was done, the sooner he could leave because there was no way he was staying even a second more in this village than he had to. Even if the next inn was hours away, he'd make the journey; the inn here was probably as unclean and riddled with bed bugs or something. Ugh. How vile.

Shrugging the satchel over his shoulder, Takeji bit back a groan, sighed, and hadn't even made it a single step before the sound of screaming froze him in his tracks. He gasped and immediately started looking for the danger, body tense, preparing to hop back onto his steed lightning fast and make a hasty getaway.

But as he looked around with wide eyes and a frantically beating heart, Takeji couldn't help but notice that he was the only one that appeared to have heard the sound of terror. The villagers were just continuing to go about their day, calm as you please, either severely deaf or completely uncaring. Takeji was beginning to wonder if he was perhaps hearing things when it happened again, a high-pitched sound that he realized with dread belonged to a child.

Takeji gaped. A child was in danger and nobody cared?! What kind of village was this?! Another shriek pierced the air, and Takeji made a decision. Very well; if these imbeciles weren't going to do anything about it, then he himself would see to the danger. While by no means a swordsman or warrior, he did have some weapons training he could fall back on for this precise reason. Traveling alone was dangerous, and you never knew what you would encounter.

Resolved, the diplomat set his jaw, unsheathed the dagger at his waist, and darted toward the direction the screams were coming from. He meandered between houses, hoped over lazing dogs, dodged startled villagers in his path, and he came into a small clearing by the forest's edge. The sight that greeted him was…not what he expected.

Coming up short, Takeji watched with a befuddled frown as one child chased around two other, slightly older looking children. One might think they were playing a game of sorts, and the diplomat started to believe that was indeed the case…until the one doing the chasing, clad in red, suddenly jumped high into the air, over the heads of the other two children, and landed before them with hands raised.

Hands, Takeji noticed with growing dread and disgust, tipped with claws on each finger and he quickly realized what exactly was happening. That wicked little demon brat, that creature was toying with those helpless children! It was keeping them trapped, preventing them from running away by leaping over their heads and blocking their route of escape! They screamed, the demon child laughed, and so potent was his fury, so enraged was he for the fact that the villagers apparently did not care about what was happening right beneath their noses, Takeji failed to notice the wide smiles on all three of the young one's faces. The blood pounding in his ears prevented him from hearing the gleeful giggles as the two human kids scrambled away from the one clad in red, and without another thought, Takeji moved.

"Run, children!" Takeji ordered as he hurled himself into the clearing, dagger raised as he charged toward the demon brat with a baleful glare. "I will take care of his filthy animal!"

All three children froze in place, eyes wide as Takeji inserted himself between the two human children - twin girls, he idly noted - and the demon spawn that dared raised its claws toward them. The brat stared up at him with big brown eyes and it - she - actually looked confused. Takeji scowled. He would not fall for such a ploy.

"I will not allow you to harm them," he spat and pointed his dagger at her. The child blinked at him and then looked behind him at the two girls who still had not taken the chance to flee. In shock, perhaps? Stunned? No matter; they were safe, so long as he stood between them and the threat.

The demon child made a face and started to walk around him, completely disregarding the weapon trained on her, but Takeji shifted and stopped her once more. He heard the two behind him whispering as the spawn looked up at him once again, this time frowning at him with narrowed eyes. And was that a growl he heard? He snorted. Was she actually trying to appear threatening? Pathetic.

Scowling, Takeji lifted a foot, placed it on her stomach, and shoved. The demon gasped as she stumbled back and then landed on her behind with a small grunt. He heard a gasp from behind him, urgent whispering, and then hurried scrambling. A glance over his shoulder told him they'd finally gotten wise and ran away. He nodded. Good. Now he could deal with this vermin without innocent eyes to bear witness.

But as he stared down at the pathetic sight before him, Takeji wondered maybe if such measures would even be necessary. The beast was still lying where she had fallen and was staring up at him with wide eyes brimming with…wait. What? Were those tears? Oh, you have got to be joking.

Rolling his eyes, the diplomat scoffed at the pathetic play for mercy and careless waved his dagger at her. The child actually flinched and followed the blade with her gaze, wariness clear in her eyes. Well. It appeared her self-preservation instincts have finally kicked in.

"Cease your theatrics," Takeji drawled, unimpressed. "They do not fool me. Now lucky for you, demon spawn, the pathetic sight you project has made me decide to spare your life. Your tainted blood is not worthy enough to soil my blade, so I will say this only one and you would do well to heed this warning, beast."

Hardening his stare and curling his lip into a sneer, Takeji spat, "Leave this place at once and do not return. There is no place for the likes of you, an abomination that preys on helpless children. Now get out of my sight, afore I kill you on principle. Your vile presence disgusts me."

The child grunted and Takeji watched, stone faced, as she got to her feet. Then to his surprise the little demon balled her hands into fists at her sides and glared at him, but the effect was ruined by the tears he could clearly see brimming her eyes. He cocked a brow, unmoved. She sniffled once, twice, and then to his utter surprise and bafflement, her face suddenly crumbled, her lower lip trembled, and she promptly burst into loud tears before spinning on her heel and running away.

"P-Papaaaaaaaaaaa!"

Takeji frowned. Papa? Were the brat's kin nearby, then? Body tense and weapon raised, he waited, prepared to either fight or flee - because he wasn't a fool and knew when he was in over his head - but when no demons came bursting out of the tree line, Takeji slowly relaxed.

Bewildered and more than a little annoyed at the whole debacle - what a waste of time! - the diplomat scoffed in derision as he turned to watch the little demon brat scurry away. And then right at that exact moment, a figure donned in red dropped to the ground seemingly out of nowhere and Takeji felt a wave of relief sweep through him. Finally! This had to be his demon quarry.

Nodding, Takeji stepped forward and opened his mouth to call out a greeting—

And then froze in his tracks as the greeting abruptly died on his tongue. Because the little demon girl, the one he'd just pointed his weapon at and shoved to the ground, ran straight to the figure robed in red and Takeji could do naught but watch with a growing sense of horrified dread as the older demon knelt down to take the child into his arms.

All color promptly drained from his face and Takeji suddenly felt sick to his stomach. He glanced behind the pair and he was somehow not at all surprised to find the twin girls from earlier glaring at them and holding onto the skirts of their mother with a monk garbed in violet robes beside her. They too were staring at him in a not so friendly manner, but upon returning his gaze to the two demons, Takeji numbly thought that if looks could kill, he would surely be dead by now.

Because the demon robed in red - which was now unmistakably the child's father and none other than Inuyasha, the demon he'd come here for - was glaring absolute murder at him and it was obvious that he was. Not. Pleased.

Takeji swallowed and unconsciously backed up a step. With one small hand fisting her father's robes, the child had the other pointing an accusatory finger at him as she no doubt recited to him their earlier…ah, exchange. Inuyasha said nothing in response, but he didn't need to. The deep, nearly subsonic growl that erupted from his mouth, complete with fully bared fangs in a truly fearsome snarl, told him very clearly of his thoughts on his daughter's mistreatment by him.

Which, if Takeji had to guess, were not very Takeji-friendly. At all.

Somehow managing to fight against the urge to flee, Takeji swallowed hard as Inuyasha pushed to his feet and stalked toward him with that same murderous look on his face. Something told him, perhaps some deeply rooted self-preservation instinct, that if he even tried to run right then, it would not end well for him. So he remained where he was and tried valiantly to control the trembling in his body as he slowly, very slowly, tucked his dagger back from whence it came.

Inuyasha stopped in front of him and Takeji cleared his throat before attempting a placating smile, but it looked more like a grimace than anything. "Ah…I assume you are…In—"

One second Takeji was staring into the scowling features of one pissed off dog demon. The next there was a bright flash of light and then he was staring at the business end of a very large and very sharp sword. With the tip just a hair's breadth away from his nose, Takeji gasped sharply and stumbled back a step out of instinct.

Sweet merciful heavens! How—?

"Usually I'd ask who the fuck you are," the demon growled, his eyes twin slits of baleful gold. "But honestly, I can't really bring myself to care enough to know the name of the asshole who threatened my daughter when she was doing nothing but playing with her friends."

Takeji blanched for the second time and he could actually feel himself breaking out in a cold sweat. He fucked up. Oh dear god he'd fucked up so bad—

"There's—there's been a misunderstanding," Takeji tried in a voice higher than usual, raising his hands up in what he hoped was a placating gesture as he eyed the very sharp point of that blade. "I—I admit I've made a grave mistake—"

"Shut the fuck up and tell me why I shouldn't gut you where you stand," Inuyasha hissed, lips feeling back off his fangs in another fierce snarl. With his ears pinned back and those golden eyes glaring absolute death at him, the demon made quite the menacing picture. Takeji had the brief, if a bit ludicrous thought, that perhaps the demon Naraku perished from the sheer animosity that was coming off of the silver-haired demon in waves.

Swallowing once, twice, Takeji realized that he only had his quick wit to get him out of his certain predicament. So bracing himself, he opened his mouth—

"He's from the continent, Inuyasha. You can't hurt him."

Startled hazel eyes swung toward the source of the voice but amber eyes stayed locked on their target, the only acknowledgment of the voice a flick of an ear.

The owner of the voice the human diplomat could only presume was the child's mother, as the child in question was standing behind her legs and was actually smirking at him. He frowned.

"You're from Shenshi," the woman remarked and Takeji swung his gaze back to her. "Right?"

Though her expression wasn't openly friendly, it wasn't exactly unfriendly either, however the human diplomat still felt he needed to tread carefully. Because while her face didn't betray anything, her stare was hard and her mouth had tightened into a thin, flat line. She had one hand on her daughter's head while the other clutched a longbow, and belatedly he realized she had a quiver of arrows slung across her back. He barely held in a flinch as he realized this was one of the demon's companions that had assisted in slaying Naraku, possibly the young woman in which Inuyasha held a more meaningful relationship.

A much more meaningful relationship, if the child currently glaring daggers at him was anything to go by since she was more or less living proof of it.

Wonderful. So he'd gone and threatened the only child of two of the most powerful beings in Japan. Clearly he'd stepped over the wrong grave and pissed somebody off.

Clearing his throat and aiming a strained smile toward the woman who was still awaiting his reply, Takeji nodded once. "Ah, y-yes, my lady. I'm—"

"The diplomat Ambassador Sharaku sent to convince Inuyasha to join his ranks so he'd have the support and protection of 'The Great Slayer of Naraku.'" The woman raised a delicate brow at him. "How am I doing so far?"

Takeji had the good grace to look a mite sheepish. "Ah…well—"

"You can't kill him, Inuyasha," she repeated and Takeji thought she sounded disappointed. "If he goes missing, the ambassador will send his troops to find out what happened or if he returns injured, it could be taken as an insult and you can imagine what would happen after that. You would risk mine or Moroha's life like that, and you know it."

Inuyasha growled but said nothing to refute her words, so Takeji assumed he agreed.

"He threatened her, Kagome," the demon spat, inching the blade closer to his throat and Takeji flinched. "Called her a fucking animal, shoved her down, and waved a goddamn dagger in her face! You can't honestly expect me to let that—"

"Papa," the child - Moroha - suddenly said, successfully stalling her father's angry tirade. A quick glance revealed the girl, still sticking close to her mother, was staring at the older demon with big brown eyes, bright with the threat of tears as she worried her bottom lip. And evidently the sight was enough to calm the raging storm of Inuyasha's fury because he grimaced, released a low growl, and then Takeji watched in stunned amazement as the massive sword suddenly transformed into a rusty katana before it was sheathed at his hip.

With a weapon no longer at his throat, Takeji could breathe a little easier and he released a breath he hadn't even been aware he'd been holding. But then he sucked it right back in when Inuyasha suddenly stepped in close and got in his face, a low, threatening growl leaking past rightly clenched teeth bared in another snarl. Golden eyes bore into his own, filled with a lethal warning that had the human male's back straightening and his blood to run cold in his veins.

"You listen carefully, asshole," Inuyasha hissed, glaring so heatedly it was a wonder Takeji didn't burst into flame. "Don't you dare think that my wife's words have any sort of sway over my decision to spare your pathetic life. I'm not scared of your weakling ambassador and I sure as hell ain't scared of his little human army. No, the only reason that I let you live is because I don't want my daughter, the one you foolishly threatened when she had done nothing wrong, to see me sully my hands with your disgusting blood when I reduce you to nothing more than a bloody smear on the ground."

Takeji paled and swallowed thickly. That particular image was…not pleasant.

Inuyasha watched the color drain from his face. Satisfied, he sneered before saying in a growl filled with sinister promise, "Now get the fuck outta my village and if you ever touch my daughter again, I'll gut you so fast you won't even have time to fucking scream."

Then with that, Inuyasha leveled him with one last dark scowl before spinning on his heel and stalking away, a clear dismissal. Neither mother nor daughter even spared the frozen human male a glance as Inuyasha paused to pick his daughter up into his arms before striding away, his wife close to one side and his friends on the other.

From over his shoulder, Takeji could only watch in a mixture of shock and befuddlement as the little demon girl named Moroha smirked and then stuck her tongue out at him, safe and sound in her father's arms.

Left standing in a state of numb bewilderment, Takeji blinked, looked down at himself, and had the passing thought that it was a very good thing he'd decided to wear brown trousers that day.

[heyitsyn]

Manager!Seijoh Part 5

a/n: we ltr going at 5 parts and i have another part written out and im just drowning in love with these seijoh asks

for more seijoh content, check this masterlist out!

anon request:

Can i ask for cute moments between manager and the boys outside of school, like how she and kyoutani probably bump into each to go feed strays etc??

yes anon!!!!!! these moments made me so soft™

IM CACKLING LIKE BLS THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE PARTS OF THE ENTIRE STAGE PLAY BC HE PLAYS OIKS SO WELL AND IWA IS JUST SO IWA AND I LIVED FOR OIKS’ ‘IWA-CHAN!’ AND IWA’S ‘RAAAAA!’ AND THIS GIF JUST SHOWS SEIJOH BEING SEIJOH AND HOW THEY WOULD REALLY ACT IF THEY WERE REAL LIKE UGH THEY DID SUCH A GOOD JOB W THE CASTING

these are the cute little moments and get ready to die of the cuteness

be warned, this isnt a straight plot or no main focus but just bits and pieces of fluff 

keeping up with seijoh episode 3467328937

as mentioned before, they dont really get to hang out a lot w you outside of practice 

youre either too busy taking care of your schoolwork, catsitting for the aizawa’s, or having you time since youve been busy w the boys all week

but there are times where you do have available time to go hang out with the boys

and they know about your schedule so they try to make memories either during practice or after practice

fortunately, kyo lives at the same street as the aizawa’s so he walks you to their house when you have a job 

but sometimes when you are just walking home, you both stop by the convenience store first and find some cat food cans and dog food cans and water 

it was a complete accident when you both found each other standing at the same aisle, holding the same things, with the same intentions, for the same animals

the alleyway where you first met is basically your second home bc thats where your babies live

since you cant exactly take in 5 dogs and 6 cats in your house, you and kyo are taking care of them in that alleyway where you feed them and build them a little shelter with blankets and stuff

this will be explained more in the next manager!seijoh part

after practice, particularly after a really productive one, the guys like to go to the ramen shop near the school to treat themselves after their hardwork

by now, the old lady who owns the shop knows their order by heart and has it ready when you all enter

yall get settled in but you go over to yahaba and snap his wooden chopsticks for him bc he never snaps them properly and ends up breaking them

meanwhile,,

you gather as much napkins as you can and place them beside kindaichi bc he makes such a mess while he eats and you have stand-by wipes for him

you make a special request to add tofu into iwa’s ramen bc the mans loves tofu so much and he still doesnt understand how the lady seems to know this despite him never telling her

your seat is usually next to mattsun bc he doesnt eat all the side dishes up like the others and you can eat some of it too

kyo sit across you and demands you eat at least 2 bowls bc you never seem to eat enough and he gets secretly concerned so he aggressively cares for you

‘kyo-san,,,, im full though’

he ‘glares’ at you

‘what you mean youre full. you didnt even finish the bowl. eat the rest and have another or youre not leaving this table’

pls what

fun fact, oikawa actually has two pairs of glasses and he gave you one in case he forgets to wear his main one and leaves it at home

so he gets to school and he just realizes he forgot his glasses and his contacts were still being shipped so he freaks out and texts you about it

but you always have the case safely tucked in your bag so you wander up to the third year floor and knock on his class door

iwa, who is in the same class as him, glares at the students who stare at you and nudges oikawa who was looking out the window

‘oi, your glasses’

his head snapped to the side and sees your smiling face and the familiar brown box being held out to him

his face scrunches and he launches up his seat and takes you in his arms

‘Y/N-CHAN IS SO RESPONSIBLE! SO NICE! OIKAWA-SENPAI REALLY APPRECIATES YOU!’

‘oikawa-san, please let me go’

you mumbled, embarrassed at his behavior in front of the whole class

once iwa has you safely on the ground, you excuse yourself and go back to class

the class still stared at the door you passed through and iwa had to bark at them to go back to their business

youre like the seijoh and younger version of goddess kiyoko

before kyo got back to the team, you usually walked home by yourself but makki actually accompanies you when he doesnt have errands to run

‘makki-san, i heard theres a sale going on for puffs’

you would mention as you walked and you would look to see his eyes light up and walk faster towards the bakery

‘cmon, y/n-chan. makki-senpai is treating you today!’

he turns into a child, a contrast to his chaotic energy in school, and he runs over to the glass where indeed, there was a sale going on for his puffs

while he was staring at what flavor he wanted, youd go to the cashier and give her your card

‘when that guy with the light brown hair with the blue and white jacket comes up to pay for his cream puffs, charge it to my card, please. whatever you do, dont take his and use mine immediately, please. ill come by later and pick it back up’

the old cashier lady felt true hope and happiness for humanity at your actions and it increased when she saw the shocked look on the boy’s face when she immediately swiped the card when he finished ordering

‘what? i havent paid-’

‘the young lady that came with you already did, young lad. shes a keeper’

he turned red

‘ahaha, no, shes our team manager’

once he finished paying and went outside, he took out his phone and dialed your number to call you

you smiled from the aisle in the convenience store down the street bc you were expecting him to call you

‘hewwo, makki-san’

he shut his eyes at how cute you sounded

‘y/n-chan, senpai wanted to treat you today!’

he whined but you bit your lip, leaving the store after purchasing a drink with the remaining cash you had

‘hmm, but i did too. you just werent too fast, senpaiiii~’

you teased and he let out a breathy laugh

‘next time i’ll be faster! mark my words!’

‘then im looking forward to it, senpai~!’

did anyone notice that he is the first one she called senpai?

to our baby yahaba

we know how he literally tried to go after yachi in that one episode so you know how flirty he is

but youve made it clear that you reject his advances and he pouts and finally accepts it so he stops it, instead actually just caring for you

ya know how he cares for the others and cheers them on?

he does the same to you

our babie notices that you are so busy taking care of the others that you forget to take care of yourself

like that time they lost to shiratorizawa, you made bentos for them all week to cheer them up

but he saw you not even eating and realizes that you were busy making the food that they like, each different to accomodate to their taste, that you had no time to make your own

he went down to your class and noticed you missing and he asks kindaichi and kunimi and they said that you said you wanted to get fresh air

since he pays attention to you, he knows you like to go to the roof to breathe

he ventures up the stairs and when he opens the door, he notices you just staring up at the sky, sitting down on the floor

‘being in an empty place like the roof doesnt compare to how lonely Pluto must feel to be outcasted in the solar system’

your comment catches him off-guard but he regains composure and makes his way to you before sitting down next to your form

‘hmm, oikawa-senpai talked to me about space one time. he mentioned the vast possibilities that stays hidden in the shadows’

you and him turn your head at the same time and share a gentle smile

‘but its up to us to find those secrets and abilities’

you finished

he nodded and went back to look at the clouds that looked like they were slowly moving but it was really the earth turning

‘i want to be a sports instructor. i want to be able to help others,,, i want to help them find those abilities and perfect them so they could fully love playing’

a chuckle escaped you and you tightened your arms around your knees, following his gaze to the blob of white that was painted on to the blue canvas

‘let other people be your universe, baba-senpai. dont let them be like Pluto. take time to find out who they are so they dont feel so lonely, okay?’

yall im tearing up right now though

as mentioned at the first part of this series, you go to the gym very early to set up for morning practice

sometimes, the four third years arrive at the same time but sometimes, only iwa comes

you noticed him put his bag down and help you with the nets before pushing the cart to finish the task for the morning

‘thank you, iwa-san!’

you thanked and he ruffled your hair

‘can you actually help me with my workout?’

you nodded and you knew his routine by now

as he got in position for a push up, you gently sat down on his back so he could start pushing up

you sat cross-legged and you counted every push up and held a timer so he could beat his previous record of 100 push ups in under 5 minutes

IWA IS LITERALLY ON ANOTHER LEVEL

once he hit 100, he collapsed on the floor and you stopped the timer at 4 minutes and 48 seconds

‘good job, iwa-san! new record!’

you cheered and he grumbled on the floor

you gently turned him over so he could lay on his back

he closed his eyes from the bright light of the gym and he raised his arms as his hands made a grabbing motion

‘hug. i want hug’

he whined and you fake gasped at this

‘iwa-san, i didnt know you could be so whiny’

‘huuggg~’

in my series, its canon that iwa is actually a whiny little babie despite that tough exterior and hes much more whinier than oikawa

you laughed before surrending, mumbling ‘yes, yes’

this wasnt the first time this happened since he asked you to do this before bc hes a touch starved babie and as a manager, you must give your team love

you climbed on him and laid your head on his chest while he mumbles happily with his arms going around you

‘just five minutes’

you offered and he said ‘mhm’

well, you both fell asleep and were woken up by scandalized and jealous yells from oikawa

to our baby libero watari

watari is actually the only player who has been to your house before

you made an off-handed comment of making bentos for the team again and he offered to come and help you make them

so here he was, standing in your kitchen, as you were cooking with him

you were chopping up vegetables and he was waiting for the eggs to boil so he was just stirring it slightly

‘wata-san, can you give me a bowl from the cabinet above you?’

he nodded and gave it to you so you could place the chopped carrots and onions in it

once the timer was done, he scooped out the eggs and placed them into an ice bowl so he could peel them later

you knew his favorite food was boiled eggs so you wanted to boil some so he could snack on them

‘can you peel one and see if theyre perfectly cooked, wata-san?’

his fingers skillfully rolled the egg on the table before peeling it effortlessly

he hummed as he chewed on the food

‘delicious?’

you asked and he turned to you, cheeks still full but he raised a thumbs up

you grinned and went back to chopping the scallions

‘actually, i didnt need any eggs for the dishes. i wanted you to snack on your favorites as i cook. its like payment for keeping me company’

his eyes shone and he hurriedly went to hug you tightly

‘i really appreciate everything youve done for us, for me. but i just want you to keep smiling okay? i know we’re a handful and we can get out of hand sometimes but you always keep us together. you must be stressed and there must be times you get angry with us and must’ve cried because of us but i hope you’ll still stay with us even through all that’

WATARI YOU MAKING ME C R Y 

lmao kindaichi’s made me laugh

so basically, we all know his famous haircut, right

but what if that was actually just a style hes had since he was young but he has naturally down hair?

the stuff he puts in it like this brand of gel is just so tough and sturdy that two washes of hair is the only thing that can get rid of it

even during practice when hes sweating the atlantic ocean, it somehow stays up

he puts gel on it and stuff after he showers to make it stick up and BOOM turnip head

but one morning, he,,,, wasnt turnip head

the boy woke up late and he didnt have time to perfect the sticking up so he went to school with his hair down and everything

you were already there since morning practice has started and kunimi told you that kindaichi texted him he would be late so you were just patiently waiting by the door for your classmate

but some guy just walked in

your eyes widened and you pulled their arm

‘um, this is for seijoh volley-’

then the words died in your mouth

‘yuu-kun,,,’

you stuttered and he placed his hands on his face to hide away

‘dont look y/n-chan!’

his shout attracted the others and then silence before the laughing and howling started

‘THESE FIRST YEARS I SWEAR!’

makki was on the floor, punching it as he laughed

kindaichi turned red and he was about to run out but you held on to him

‘i can fix it for you, yuu-kun. come with me?’

he nodded immediately and hurried away towards the back where the sun was just starting to rise

you rummaged through your gym bag and found the specific gel brand he uses 

kindaichi was SHOOK bc why the hell did you have it?

you noticed his shocked and confused look

‘i knew this would happen. we’ve facetimed before, remember? just in case this would happen, i brought backup’

his eyes glistened with tears of gratitude but you waved it away and started attempting to fix his hair

tbh you dont know why he did this hairstyle because his hair was really soft and nice and he still looked attractive either way

moving on to kunimi babie

lets face it, he probably doesnt sleep at all at night and he suffers from insomnia

and when he cant sleep, he bothers his friends

but he doesnt bother you though

which makes you sad bc you thought you made it clear that he could come to you if he was in need of something

you only found out after kindaichi accidentally blurted out during morning practice of how tired he is bc kunimi wouldnt stop talking to him at 2 in the morning

‘aki,,, you could’ve called me’

you gently said and kunimi scrunched his nose at how sad you sounded

‘you need your sleep, y/n’

‘but i want you to sleep too’

‘kindaichi’s been my contact since i was like 5 so-’

‘so you dont need me?’

your eyes watered and kunimi jumped, frantically fussing over you

‘okay, okay, y/n, okay. ill call you’

then as if they were never there, you cheered up and bounced happily

‘i’m expecting it, aki-kun!’

but at 1:43 in the morning, his finger hovered over the call button on your contact since he really didnt want to bother you

but he could already hear your whines in the morning

‘aki?’

he cursed when he heard your groggy voice

‘sorry y/n, ill hang up-’

‘no!’

you sat up, forcing to wake up

‘stay’

you mumbled and he made a sound of agreement

‘not tired?’

you asked

‘no. well, like im tired but i cant sleep, yknow?’

you laid on your bed with your cheeks puffed out, trying to think how to put him to sleep

‘we can just talk, aki’

‘about what?’

‘anything. just,,, talk to me. i want to know your favorite color, your favorite food, everything about you’

:( morning calls really hit different

last one is our mattsun babie

so like, mattsun is a TREE

im like 5′3 and hes like 6′2 so we a whole dwarf next to him

you are always dwarfed whenever you stand next to him and this little shite takes advantage of that and puts his elbow on top of your head

he likes to poke fun at you but you just pout bc you know hes all fun and games

‘hows the weather down there’

‘so mean, mattsun-san’

but his height did give him a special memory with you though

you were both left in the gym to clean up bc everyone had something to do like oiks had to go home bc takeru got sick and iwa also got sick and you just volunteered to clean up and mattsun stayed behind

you were sweeping the floor and you unconsciously started humming as you swept and started swaying a little

mattsun heard you as he pushed the carts and watched as you just swayed and twirled around and he found himself smiling at you

you noticed him stop in front of you and he bowed down, holding out a hand

‘may i take this dance, m’lady’

you laughed

‘what? whats going on?’

he softly held your hand and pulled you to him

‘you were dancing and i wanted to join you’

you nodded and looked up at him, eyes half-lidded

‘stand on my feet, chibi-chan. i can lead while you sing’

it was a random song you heard from the radio earlier but you complied while he moved with your feet on his

you giggled when he would lean down to softly kiss your forehead and shriek when he would unexpectedly dip you down

either way, at 8:34 PM, you and mattsun danced under the gym lights with no witness except you and him

ughh i really want seijoh now

you and the team share individual memories that are more special than the ones with the others bc its where you could actually be upfront with each other

its just a shame that there are 4 third years in the team that would eventually graduate and go their own separate ways after high school, leaving behind their underclassmen

they could just hope that those memories and special moments would remind them of who you were and how special you were to them since at the prime of their youth, you were their first true love

a/n: ngl i didnt expect to finish this so quick but im just in a really soft mood right now and this is to makeup for the fact that my update schedule could start becoming erratic due to my school so i hope you enjoyed this blurb!! and depending on my asks, there could only be one last part to this series unless someone requests for another specific scenario with the manager!!

[mashiraostail]

plz sir may i have some general midnight fluff hc?? please im starving

dfhdsk yes sir i will feed you

ngl this kinda hurt my feelings but its all soft and fluff no angst or anything but like...damn...i rlly do b fleshing this woman out better than mangaka himself 

*She’s a super light sleeper but she does not mind always getting woken up by you, since she can fall asleep so fast, you’ll be in the middle of a convo and just look over and she’s passed out mid-sentence. Getting woken up by your sleepy snuffling just means she can cuddle up a little closer to you or just feel your warmth a little longer.

*Unlike some of the other teachers who may just not think to do it/don’t very much care she makes it a point to introduce you to her friends after you’ve been together long enough, if it’s just sex she won’t bother for obvious reasons but if it’s more than that even if it’s not super serious she’ll still do it, she likes for her life to be fairly blended work and personal life don’t really have a harsh line drawn between them, she likes it when her s/o is friends with her friends. If she hears about you texting Mic, or helping Eraser patch up his costume, or getting lunch with Vlad and Hound Dog she’s going to be totally over the moon, she’s never jealous of or wary of her friends around you. Go ahead and hang on Mic at that party she’ll think it’s funny and sweet and she’ll be glad the pair of you get along so well.

*She’s a really good cook but she hates cooking sometimes. She’s either super in the mood to make food or she’ll beg and whine for you to do it. 

*She wouldn’t mind dating another pro but also I think dating a non-hero responder (police officer, firefighter, paramedic, detective etc..) or especially just a civilian would be something she’d enjoy a little more than the others, I don’t think any of the pros have a strong preference either way, a job is rarely a deal-breaker, it would be sort of hypocritical of them considering how busy their work keeps them. That in mind the more mundane her s/o’s 9-5 the more she’ll kinda like it..she gets a little sense of normalcy if you have a set schedule and set day off and set vacation time,  she really likes it. Not because she’s controlling/overbearing but just because she sort of likes routine..and the domesticity of it all. If you have every Tuesday off so you always bring her lunch or if you get off early Saturday afternoons so you always go to see her at her agency that day will become her favorite day of the week. If you’re always home by 6 PM it will become the best part of the day. Always being able to expect you at home when she returns is a treat for her (especially if you like cooking too, the first few times she comes back to you cooking dinner for her you probably at least make out in the kitchen). 

*She likes handholding and if that’s your preference she won’t be upset by it but her absolute favorite thing to do is pet her arm around you, she likes being able to squeeze you. 

*If you have long/unruly or very textured hair she’ll take so much joy in being asked to help style it, ask her to braid it for you, help you diffuse it, can she straighten that one piece in the back? All of it just makes her soo happy so don’t be shy asking her to help you out, and if you’re comfortable do the same for her. 

*She’s such a hugger, she may not kiss you all the time but she’ll at least have to hug you every time you part ways and it’s never a half-assed hug either it’s allllwaayys a tight squeeze and you’re pretty sure you always hear her take in a big whiff of your hair or the crook of your neck before she pulls away. 

*Always is telling you she missed you after short periods of time. You went out to grab take out and took a minute longer? ‘I missed you babe’ You got stuck at work and got home later than expected. ‘I’m so glad you’re finally here babe I missed you.’ Went to the bathroom? ‘I missed you.’ She just thinks it's funny to watch you roll your eyes at it despite the fact that you always go right to her side whenever she says it. 

*Will be very suggestible during a back rub/ shoulder massage. If you need something from her that is the time to ask, she knows she's being set up the minute she feels you climb on top of her but it feels too good to stop you. She knows she's about to agree to some stupid shit but she can’t help it.  

*Chronic neck kisser, she’s always kissing your neck, if your sensitive or it flusters you she’ll do it even more. Honestly, at times she goes for your neck/jaw before going for your lips. Doesn’t really care who’s around to see it, if your back is turned to her, unexpecting, she only has one thing on her mind. But even when you’re hugging or cuddling or about to go to sleep at night she can’t help but pepper a bunch of kisses around your neck and collar. 

*Speaking of sleeping she prefers sleeping with as little clothing as possible because, a, it makes morning sex more accessible and she cannot lie it is her favorite, and b, she has terrible wandering hands, she likes to touch and squeeze and pinch everywhere she can. Her favorite spot is the place where your ass and thigh meet she’s always pinching you right there on either leg if you’re laying on your chest. 

*Probably also the cheesiest out of the group if the relationship is really well established/once it is. She can definitely fall victim to domestic bliss and it makes her totally lovesick for her s/o. She's definitely the kind of partner that like when you say something like ‘oh my hands are cold’ or ‘ahh I ran out to the trash without shoes on now I’m freezing’ to just like take the afflicted body part(s) between her hands and rub them really aggressively while she breathes hot air on them/kisses them and scolds you for staying out in the cold too long while she makes that pouty affectionate ‘oooh’ noise.       -At first, she loves summer and it’s her favorite, and she’ll always love summer; the warm weather and sunshine gives way to amazing moods, people are always so happy in the summertime, but the longer she’s in a relationship the more winter becomes appealing to her. She still loves summer for all its beaches and warmth and bare skin and even tans. As strange as it sounds a slow sticky August morning will always be one of her favorite things...but winter with its big sweaters and hand-holding and cuddling for warmth? Seeing you come inside and peel off a huge scarf and big, chunky gloves, your hat pulling away to reveal disheveled hair covered in quickly melting snowflakes, nose and cheeks red from the temperature, lips and eyes just a bit puffy and irritated from the wind. Watching you shed multiple snow-covered layers to reveal cool skin that’s still somehow pink and flushed from the snow?...yeah, she probably realized she was in love with you in the winter.