#at least it's rare that we actually get new bears in New Zealand....

[candyfloss-kittens]

New Care Bear for the collection! Dream Bright, and she's super adorable!

Although, she seems a bit smaller than the rest of the 14 inch plush?

Is she supposed to be a bit shorter? Either way, I think it works with her being slightly smaller than the rest.

But, yay! Dream Bright is my favourite of the new characters from the UTM run, even though I don't really like anything about the UTM run aside from the plush... the new cartoon art style is terrible, but the plush are absolutely fine.

[sleepykittypaws]

2021 Christmas Ads

‘Tis once again the season for heart-tugging holiday ads from around the world, in particular the UK where Christmas adverts are a much anticipated holiday tradition. Think big-budget, water cooler Super Bowl commercials in the U.S., but with more Santa.

We’re talking more mini-movie than mere sales pitch. Our family actually spends at least one night a season just watching our favorite holiday commercials, as much a tradition as any Christmas special.

To make them a little easier to find, I’ve compiled all the heartfelt, emotional and imminently re-watchable 2021 Christmas advert links on one page, as I also did in 2020. Unlike with my TV and theatrical lists, don’t strive to include every single ad with a Christmas tree or holiday pitch, just those that tell a story or particularly evoke those warm and fuzzy festive feels.

In alphabetical order by company name

Updated: December 30, 2021

Air Canada “Snowglobes Apart” - Sweet stop-motion snow globe love story.

Air New Zealand “A Magical Delivery” - Santa asks the airline for a little assistance and they get more than they bargained for.

Albert Heijn “The Greatest Little Love Story” - The Dutch supermarket chain brings you hamster holiday romance.

Aldi “Ebanana Scrooge”��- Kevin the Carrot meet your newest pal.

Aldi “A Christmas Carrot” - This sweet animated story of Kevin the Carrot showing Ebanana Scrooge the error of his ways, has a fantastic kicker. There’s a reason Kevin has remained Aldi’s holiday spokesveg since 2016.

Aldi Australia “You Can’t Overcook Christmas” - The theme this season is definitely a more-is-more holiday, after austere and small 2020 gatherings.

Alpha Heating “Feels Like Home” - Unexpectedly touching animated ad for a furnace company.

Amazon “Kindness, The Greatest Gift” - Poignant and touching mini movie about the impact of reaching out.

Amazon Prime UK “An Unlikely Friendship” - A surly zookeeper and his unusual best friend.

Apple “Saving Simon” - This Jason and Ivan Reitman-directed, charming mini movie has a bit of a horror twist before the eventual happy ending. 

Argos “Baubles to Last Year” - One of the many ads emphasizing how much we all missed out on last holiday season.

Asda “Make Christmas Spectacular” - Skating through the holiday season.

Barbour “Paddington, Please Look After This Bear” - Paddington returns to the British retailer’s ads.

BBC “This is Our Christmas” - Very funny look at celebrating the holidays with family.

Bergdorf Goodman “The Present Moment” - This Wes Anderson-directed spot is quirky yet drier than past Anderson holiday efforts, like his excellent 2016 H&M ad.

Big W “For the Love of Giving” - UK retailer focuses on the joy of giving.

BMW “Wherever the Holiday Takes You” - A holiday-party-phobic Christoph Waltz headlines as himself.

Board Gias Energy “Imagine a Better Way” - Sweet holiday ad with a simple but powerful ending.

Boots “Bags of Joy” - A bottomless Boots bag holds endless holiday joy. 

British Airways “The Best Gift” - A rare Diwali commercial from the UK airline.

British Airways “Merry Christmas” - The airline offers special holiday gifts and upgrades to customers traveling to see family.

British Cycling “Inspiration is the Greatest Gift” - Well done ad that starts at the Tokyo Games and goes through Christmas, featuring gold medalist Charlotte Worthington.

Cann “A Lightly Lifted Christmas Story” - Cute ad starring Kate Hudson and Darren Criss for a weird product—a cannabis-infused drink—they’re both investors in.

Celebrations UK “The Lonely Bounty” - Unexpectedly funny and touching UK candy ad.

Chase “’Tis the Season for Cashbacking” - Catherine O’Hara and Kevin Hart star in a winking series of odes to Home Alone.

Chase “Cashbacking on Aisle 5″ - A lesser entry in the O’Hara-Hart Chase oeuvre.

Chevrolet “Holiday Ride” - Nostaligia and memories make for a special Christmas gift.

Chick-fil-A “Something Wonderful” - A sweet animated story about making the most of mistakes.

Chipotle “A Future Begins” - Kacy Musgraves’ music narrates this mini-movie promoting Chipotle’s work with local farmers.

Coca-Cola “Real Magic: Chimney” - The Coca-Cola Christmas ad rarely disappoints and never fails to make me cry.

Cycle King & Hawk Cycles “Everyone’s Invited” - A cheery Christmas party from the UK bike shop.

Debenhams “A Christmas Like Never Before” - A rhyming remembrance of all the time and interaction that has been lost and how special Christmas can be.

Disney UK “The Stepdad” - This lovely, animated clip, with its own original song, about forging new family bonds is a happy tearjerker, and also promotes Make-a-Wish.

Dutch State Lottery “Fritsie” - This New Year’s ad of love, luck and friendship continues a Dutch ad tradition with a new twist.

E.L.F Cosmetics “Big Mood, Big Elfing City” - crowd-sourced, mini-movie presented in three parts on TikTok. (Part 2 and Part 3)

Erste Group “Believe in Tomorrow” - The insurer’s animated original ads are always some of the best of the season and this sweet, wordless tale is no exception.

Etsy “Give More Than a Gift: Our Santa” - Another sweet family-centric ad from the crafting marketplace.

Etsy “Give More Than a Gift: The Recipe” - Touching family memories and celebrations; Etsy uses indie filmmakers to develop their ads and it shows.

Etsy “Give More Than a Gift: Bus Stop” - Developing story of holiday friendship.

Etsy “Give More Than a Gift: The Tradition” - UK Etsy ad is just as heartwarming.

Etsy “Gifts That Mean the World: Mozart” - This extended German Etsy ad is really touching.

Etsy “Gifts That Mean the World: Everlasting Love” - Short, but very sweet story of a couple. Think there’s a longer version of this one out there, but can’t find it.

Footasylum “Chunkz and Filly Reunited for Christmas” - Another Love Actually parody from the UK sneaker store.

Freeform Bite Size Holiday “The Ugliest of Them All” - To promote its 25 Days of Christmas programming, Freeform is airing for short holiday films from female  filmmakers. This first from Caitlyn Sponheimer takes place at an ugly sweater party.

Freeform Bite Size Holiday “Everyday Saint, Nick” - To promote its 25 Days of Christmas programming, Freeform is airing for short holiday films from female  filmmakers. This from E.G. Bailey and Sha Cage has apartment residents appreciating their handyman, Nick.

Freeform Bite Size Holiday “Brown Elephant” - To promote its 25 Days of Christmas programming, Freeform is airing for short holiday films from female  filmmakers. This from Fawzia Mirza and Kausar Mohammed sees a Muslim family navigating a White Elephant party.

Freeform Bite Size Holiday “Keeping Up With the Claus” - To promote its 25 Days of Christmas programming, Freeform is airing for short holiday films from female  filmmakers. This Jaanelle Yee sees a Gen Z elf working to modernize the naughty and nice list.

Frito-Lay “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” - Jimmy Fallon and his real-life family star in this series of chip ads. There’s also a nice making-of video.

Gap “All Together Now” - Katy Perry sings the Beatles in this cozy and feel-good, but not overly festive, Gap ad. 

Guinness “Good Things Are In Our Grasp” - Another ad with reuniting as its holiday 2021 theme.

Hobby Lobby “Christmas is What You Make It” - Hobby Lobby is one of the American outlets making sweet, long form holiday ads, though this isn’t as touching or smart as their 2020 ad.

Home Depot “Does Santa Shop Here?” - Clever Fairbanks, Alaska-based ad.

Holkham Hall “A Christmas Present” - The first long form holiday ad from the British estate/tourist attraction.

HomeGoods “Home Sweet HomeGoods” - Jillian Bell in a Home Goods-inspired mini holiday movie, part of an ongoing series of clever shorts Bell has done with the retailer, preceded by: episode 1, episode 2, episode 3, episode 4, episode 5 and episode 6.

Horseware “No Gift Greater” - Horse-girl friendship story from the Irish company.

IGA “The Trophy” - Animated holiday bonding tale from the worldwide grocery store chain.

ITV “Britain Get Talking” - ITV stars talk…and talk, and talk, and talk about what they want for Christmas.

J. Crew “Holiday Get Together” - Real-life married couple Joshua Jackson and Jodie Turner-Smith give new meaning to the word aspirational.

JD Official “Welcome to JD Street” - A shopping trip is plagued by sports celebrity distractions.

John Lewis “Unexpected Guest” - Aliens experience Christmas in this latest Christmas delight from the UK retailer.

Kevin Cate “Believe” - This short movie dedicated to front line workers is a tearjerker about the power of reuniting this holiday season.

Kohl’s “Dance with All Your Heart” - Sweet, sentimental and touching family celebration.

Lexus “Runway” - Reindeer bring the horsepower in this latest, annual “December to Remember” ad.

Lidl “Big on Christmas” - A peek into Christmases future from the discount UK grocer.

Littlewoods “Share the Love” - Extremely sweet Irish ad about the best Christmas gifts.

Liverpool FC “Fairy Tale Magic” - The iconic football team evokes holiday spirit.

L.L. Bean “A Man & His Dog” - Sweet, pup-centric ad from the outdoor clothier.

Macy’s “Tiptoe and the Flying Machine” - A little reindeer learns to find some courage.

Marks & Spencer “Percy Pig” - Dawn French is a holiday fairy in this sweet animated ad that also features Tom Holland as the voice of Percy.

Marks & Spencer “Make the Season Anything But Ordinary” - Not as star-filled as the M&S’s Percy Pig ad (see above), this bouncy Marshmallow World spot is still bouncy fun.

Matalan “Real Moments, Real Magic” - Simple, short story but gives good holiday feels.

McDonald’s UK “Imaginary Iggy” - Easily my favorite of the year so far. And, yes, I balled. Reminds me quite a bit of my all-time favorite ad, “Lily and the Snowman,” yet still holds up on its own.

Meijer “I’m Thankful” - Yet another ad reflecting on being able to spend time with family, no matter how annoying.

Meijer “Someday” - Touching ad about a family Christmas tree.

Michael Hill “Make Their Christmas” - The jeweler puts together a very sweet story scored to Yaz’s “Only You”

Montefire Health “Caring Makes Magic” - Very sweet and clever unicorn tale, though I’m pretty sure Bruce was framed.

Morrisons “Make Good Things Happen” - The UK supermarket chain introduces Farmer Christmas.

Mr. Peanut “A Nutty Holiday” - Reginald VelJohnson stars in this fun, 1980s throwback in music video style.

Myer “Unriddle Christmas” - The Australian retailer offers a cute, musical Christmas ad.

Neiman Marcus “Celebrate Big, Love Even Bigger” - Bouncy, dance filled Christmas fantasy.

NHS “Santa Prepares” - Martin Kemp is Father Christmas who preps for Christmas by getting his COVID-19 booster and a flu shot.

Nintendo Switch “Home for the Holidays” - Family reunion is going to be a theme for a lot of these after last year’s lack of travel and this Switch promo is one of the first examples.

O2 “We’re Better, Connected” - Holiday robot hijinks.

Optus “’Tis the Season of Yes” - The Australian mobile phone company partners with the wildlife conservancy for a very sweet ad featuring the endangered glider population.

The Pavilion “What Matters Most” - Another 2021 ad focused on reuniting with family members after COVID.

Penny “The Wish” - Emotional ad from the German retailer.

Petco “Making Memories Together” - A man and his dog, only switched.

Posten “When Harry Met Santa” - This touching Norwegian postal mini-movie is my new favorite of the season. 

Posterhaste “Family Traditions” - Sweet and simple, a wordless and effective Christmas message.

Publicis “Wishes” - French ad company’s founders Arthur Sadoun and Maurice Levy explore their 2022 plans through classic movies. 

Publix “The Attic” - Sweet, sentimental story told simply and effectively.

RSPCA “What the World Needs Now” - Puppy-centered charity appeal with music from Lady Blackbird, good dogs and bad people.

Sainsbury’s “A Christmas to Savour” - Sainsbury’s has made some of my all-time favorite Christmas ads, and while this isn’t a Mog-level classic, it’s still a sweet and sentimental look at Christmas celebrations delayed, which is the theme for so many UK ads this season.

Sam Clegg “I Wanna Grow Old With You” - Musician Sam Clegg has made it a tradition to create “alternate” tear-jerking Christmas “ads,” a.k.a. music videos, tagging popular John Lewis to bring attention to his work.

Selfridges “Christmas of Dreams” - Retro game show vibe.

Showroom Partners Entertainment “Christmas Goldfish” - Fun, wordless animated short.

Smyths Toys “If I Were a Toy” - UK toy store chain, not terribly festive but fun.

SNL “Christmas Cards” - If Christmas cards could talk. Admit, I laughed—and recognized some of these tropes.

SNL “Lonely Christmas” - Mocking all those signs in a window heartwarming ads, as well as the Nextdoor app.

SNL “Target Thanksgiving” - Too-real Thanksgiving spoof ad.

Sports Direct “Go All Out” - A bevy of famous sports faces indulge in a holiday snowball fight in this sporting goods store ad.

Sprite “Cousins” - Eric Andre directs this series of Sprite commercials spoofing holiday specials and celebrating Black holiday spirit.

Sprite “Gingerbread” - Eric Andre directs this series of Sprite commercials spoofing holiday specials and celebrating Black holiday spirit.

Supermac “Merry Christmas” - A from our family to yours, sweet holiday wish from the Irish grocer.

SuperValu Ireland “Share the Magic” - This touching story of a little girl and a lost reindeer is one of my favorite of the year so far.

Ted Lasso “The Missing Christmas Mustache” - This surprise, four-minute, stop-motion short is a charming gift from the popular Apple TV+ series that already put together one of the best Christmas episodes ever in 2021 with “Carol of the Bells”—even if it was released in August.

Tesco “Nothing’s Stopping Us” - Set to Queen’s “Don’t Stop me Now” one of many ads that focuses on reclaiming Christmas celebrations after a subdued 2020.

Toyota “Bookstore” - Set Kacey Musgraves “Rainbow” this heart-tugging mini-movie is my new favorite of the season.

Toyota “Nora’s Joy” - A second, also sweet, animated ad from Toyota for 2021, featuring English and Spanish versions.

TK Maxx “Christmas to the Maxx” - The UK version of the discount retailer pus on a show in their annual Christmas ad.

Twitter UK “Snowflakes” - This animated ad about snowflakes Jack and James is very sweet.

The Vault/BCFC “Put a Smile On” - Charity ad from The Vault Studios and the Birmingham City Football Club.

Very “It’s the Very Best Excuse” - The UK grocery chain encourages you to use Christmas as an excuse for, well, just about anything.

Vodaphone “Give the Gift of Connection” - The UK mobile company promotes their donation program.

Vodaphone Ireland “Each Christmas” - This Irish mobile ad is a basically a Hallmark Christmas movie in two minutes.

Wegman’s “Let’s Get Back Together” - The supermarket chain shows a young boy working through the seasons, with a sweet twist at the end.

Waitrose “Best Bit of Christmas” - Ashley Jensen shares the best parts of Christmas.

Woodies “Heroes 2021″ - Irish home improvement store’s annual charity effort.

World Market “Make it Magical” - Wordless sounds and feels of the seasons.

Xfinity “Come Home” - The cable and Internet company longform ad doubles as a mini Sing 2 Christmas special.

Zara “O Night Divine” - Full-length short film starring John C. Reilly as Santa

[elexica]

Give & Toke

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27069568

Happy 4/20 Yugihoes,

Please accept a humble posting of my puppyshipping/violetshipping weedfic. 

Joey showed up at Kaiba's shiny new dispensary for the sole purpose of kicking Kaiba's ass.

It does not go as planned.

A gift for @sky-kaijou​ / @sky-kaijou-writes​ in honor of the 2020 New Zealand Cannabis Reefer-endum. TW: Marijuana use and sale.

Title by @auroraXborealis <3 For the Professional Rivals prompt of AU-Gust. . . . (context for this fic) Marijuana is decriminalized currently in Domino City, and stores can be licensed through a regulatory scheme similar to that of California.

Full story under the cut

Joey stomped into the new cannabis shop in the neighborhood.  It looked like an Apple store: white walls, smooth white tables, iPads and clerks in matching polos.  Gentrification had taken his neighborhood by storm, spinning the older apartment complexes into glamorous condos, replacing the older styled homes with sleek modern imitations, and leaving everyone who couldn’t keep up forced to either move away or to the streets.

Joey’s own rent was soaring, and so was his bitterness towards the invaders to his territory.  And especially this cursed-ass pot shop.  The shiny new dispensary hadn’t made a terrible dent in his sales, but he couldn’t keep up with the variety, the quality, or the convenience.

It was a travesty to his profession, is what it was.  Joey had been dealing for years—he’d never gotten an allowance from his father and passing a little pot along had made up the difference.  Once he graduated high school, it morphed into something of a full-time gig.  That hadn’t been his intention.  It wasn’t like he was trying to move up the distribution ladder or become the next gang lord.  But he’d built a good network, and in an industry that ran on relationships and reputation, it was really going pretty well for him.

And this bastard had the gall to move into his territory!  Sell his soulless, corporate product to his loyal customers.  With this robotic, inhuman, unfeeling mockery of everything that weed is.

Joey spotted a mustachioed blue-polo wearing corporate shill and waved him over.  “I’m here ta talk ta yer manager.  Give him ‘a piece of my mind.”

“If you intend to make threats against Mr. Kaiba in some sort of gang turf nonsense, you have no idea the true power that you are—” the goon responded, placid energy souring.  Joey’s fists clenched tighter, body preparing for a fight.

“I’m not sure a piece of your mind would get you very far.”  While Joey was attempting to intimidate the soulless bud-tender, a tall brunet in a white suit with a light blue oxford shirt had stalked up behind him and interrupted.

Joey spun on the toe of his well-worn red Nike’s. “An’ who do ya think you are?”

The brunet crossed his arms over his chest.  “Seto Kaiba, the license-holder for this establishment.”

Joey nervously ran a hand through his messy blond hair.  He hadn’t expected the shop owner to be so young.  Or attractive.  All of his fight drained from him.  In Joey’s decade of experience, rival dealers were rarely so… professional and polished.  Joey felt instantly underdressed in his varsity jacket and jeans.

“Uh… well, yer in territory that doesn’t belong ta ya!”  Joey stammered.

“Is that so?  I assure you, I have all required state and local permits,” Kaiba answered, blue eyes narrowing.  The taller man let a stray glance to Joey’s old, green Jansport backpack. “Perhaps if you had a better view of my inventory, we could have a more amiable business relationship.  I’m not trying to alienate everyone in my industry.”

It was insane, the way the taller man could knock the fight out of him without even trying.  Joey had never considered that his enemy would possibly seek to de-escalate the situation.  Joey nodded and followed the taller man to the back, hypnotized.  He maybe shouldn’t have smoked a bowl before raiding the enemy facility.

Inside an equally pristine office, Kaiba lit a pre-rolled joint and took a long inhale.  He passed it across the desk, the rolling papers poised delicately between his forefinger and middle finger.

Joey accepted the joint and took a hit.  After an impressive pause, Kaiba released smoke rings from his lips slowly, in that perfect practiced way.  The smoke dissipated softly, fading from tight circles and clouding the air.  With no windows in the room, it seemed that his intent was to hot box it.  Joey wondered idly how the white marble of the desk was so free from dust or ash if Kaiba took to smoking here.

Joey passed back the joint before releasing his breath in a round of hacking coughs.  

While Joey was gasping for air and trying to gather his bearings, Kaiba produced a glass of water and a plain white ashtray.  He gently rested the joint on the edge.

“That was a proprietary strain—Blue Eyes White Dragon.  It’s Sativa.  I’m working on a hybrid model that has a significantly greater THC content.  But the current Blue Eyes plant has the highest percentage of CBD for Sativa plants currently on the market in Domino.  Thoughts?”  Kaiba unbuttoned his white blazer.

Joey’s eyes watered, and he managed to take a few sips from the glass.  “It tastes… unique.  Kinda minty?”

Kaiba nodded, raising the joint to take another hit.

“So, y’know, I came here to talk about ya encroaching on my business.  I’ve built up a book ‘a business in this part ‘a Domino, and I’m not gonna give up that easy!”  Joey said, straightening his shoulders.  He couldn’t tell if he was sitting up properly.  The world was already starting to feel a little warmer, fuzzier. His forehead sort of tingled like he had a third eye.

Once again, Kaiba blew out a series of flawless rings, staring into space.  The blue irises of his eyes were framed by smoke-induced redness.  “Yes, well, I have no intention of cowing to any threats.  I took this corrupt pharmaceutical company from my dead father, and I am turning it into something that can actually improve people’s lives.  And no puny street punk will stand in my way.”

“Oof.  Sorry for ya loss.”  Joey elected to ignore the last comment, as a gentleman.  And because, for the first time, he spotted a white holster tucked under the newly opened sport jacket.

“Don’t be, he was a bastard,” Kaiba said with a satisfied smirk.

Joey laughed at the insinuation.  He might’ve had more to say, under other circumstances, but Kaiba had shared the good shit.  Instead, the room felt a few degrees warmer than when he had entered and he removed his letterman jacket, revealing his toned biceps.

Kaiba was constructing another round of rings when his eyes met Joey’s sculpted arms.  His focus was completely dashed, and he ended up exhaling the rest of the smoke from his nose, like a dragon.

“Ha, ya see something ya like, rich boy?” Joey said with a signature grin, picking up the joint again.  It was already almost half-way spent.

Kaiba looked away dismissively.  “Irrelevant.  Mr. Wheeler, it was a matter of time before you paid my enterprise a visit.  As you have most likely noticed, there are certain elements of the trade in which I excel.  I am a gifted scientist, an expert businessman, and—”

“A robot?  You’ve had double the hits I have and ya won’t even crack a smile!  I dunno what yer tolerance has ta be, but ya ain’t human anymore.”

Kaiba rolled his eyes, tapping the joint against the ash tray to release some of the built-up cinders.  “There is a certain social element to this business that I have no interest in participating in.”

Joey leaned over a little in his chair.  “Is that so?”  He meant to have an interrogator’s pose and expression, but he was worried he just looked high as balls.  

Kaiba passed the still burning joint across the table, little red ember barely emanating light in the bright white office.  

“I would like to absorb your book of business and employ you as a bud-tender.”

Joey rejected the joint and cracked his knuckles, knowing that the action flexed his arm muscles.  An almost-imperceptible blush flashed across Kaiba’s cheeks.  “I’ve been my own boss, mostly, for a little while now.  Why should I be a glorified store clerk for ya?”

“You can’t possibly see this career continuing to serve you indefinitely.  You’ll need to go legit or go to jail.”  Kaiba lazily released one more puff of smoke before butting the joint.  “But, I am amenable to other arrangements.  What do you propose?”

Joey smiled at the suggestion.  “Partner.  It doesn’t haveta be fifty-fifty or anything, but I’ve built somethin’ up, and I know what I’m worth.  I gotta be making at least five g’s a month.”

Kaiba finally broke.  He laughed almost hysterically at the suggestion, doubling over and taking a full minute to get his breathing to settle.  “Yeah, ok.  That would be, maybe, a five percent share of the retail business.”

Joey stretched, resting his arms behind his head, giving Kaiba an eyeful of his tight white t-shirt and strong pectorals underneath.  “Ten percent of the retail company.”

Kaiba nodded, picked up his phone and typed away.  “The contract will be prepared presently.”

“Neato,” Joey said with a lecherous smile.  Everything felt soft, warm, comfortable—even if the room looked so sterile it could be used for a surgery.  “Now, what should we do with this time?”

Kaiba shifted in his seat and adjusted his light blue tie.

Joey leaned forward, planting an elbow on the desk.  “I got some ideas I think you’ll like, partner…”

Kaiba leaned over the desk as well, a small smile budding on his lips.  “Oh, already?”

“Yeah.  In this business, yer supposed to seal a contract with a kiss.”

“I do not think that’s custom—”

Joey closed the remaining distance and captured his lips in a searing kiss. Kaiba relaxed into the kiss almost instantly.  It was softer than Joey had expected.  Sweet and hot, with the flavors of mint, smoke, and cannabis on his partner’s lips.

Joey only broke it to walk over and climb into the brunet’s lap.

The contract was respectfully slid under the door.

FIN

[petuniarobinson]

Statistics

tw: alcohol mention, death mention

BASICS

Full Name: Petunia Rosaleen Robinson (née Taylor) Nickname(s): Pet, Petty, Tuney Age: 57 Date of Birth: December 22nd, 1962 Zodiac Sign: Capricorn Place of Birth: Jacksonville, Florida, USA Ethnicity: Caucasian Nationality: American Gender: Cisgender Woman Pronouns: She/Her Sexual Orientation: Bisexual Romantic Orientation: Biromantic Religion: Loosely Christian Occupation: Freelance Hairdresser Financial Status: Rich AF, thanks Cornelius. Education: She has a high school diploma and went to cosmetology school Language(s) Spoken: English & Bad Spanish Accent: It’s honestly such a mixed bag. She says most things in a generic American accent (the kind you hear in every tv show) but she has lived in New Zealand and Swynlake so she’s picked some stuff up.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

Face Claim: Lea Thompson Hair Color: Red (Ginger) Eye Color: Light Brown Height: 5′4″ / 162.5cm // 1′ / 30.5cm Weight: 117lbs / 53kg // 5lbs / 2.2kg Build: Lean/Muscular for her age Piercings: Ears Tattoos: None (that you can prove)

PERSONALITY

Label: Can I just say Karen? Positive Traits: Fearless, Methodical, Tidy Negative Traits: Hot-Tempered, Inflexible, Grumpy Goals/Desires: Break her curse, spend time with her family, start her own salon! Fears: Heights, Water (Swimming) Hobbies: Shopping & Singing Quirks: Well ignoring her puppet quirk when her heartrate goes up... She tends to flatten her skirt/shirt when she gets nervous or overwhelmed.

FAVORITE/LEAST FAVORITE

Colors: Petunia has a love-hate relationship with the color pink. A natural ginger, it is a color that she knows she should avoid but it reminded her of her childhood and her innocence. You will still find more light blues or minty greens in her wardrobe but she will always have a soft spot for pink.

Weather: Petunia has a love-hate relationship with the color pink. A natural ginger, it is a color that she knows she should avoid but it reminded her of her childhood and her innocence. You will still find more light blues or minty greens in her wardrobe but she will always have a soft spot for pink.

Music: Petunia is a pop kind of girl, though she loves Franny’s music as is required of all Robinsons. Top 40s Pop Music is what you’ll catch her playing most of the time while cutting hair. There is also some country music sprinkled in there but she won’t admit that it’s her music.

Movies: RomComs! Anything with a romantic plotline is her absolute favorite. Petunia knows Casablanca by heart, every word perfectly performed if you ask her. She will bear with the family watching science fiction but she often worries that, perhaps, Cornelius is just looking for crazy ideas. Not that she minds his inventions, she simply doesn’t understand them.

Beverage: Wine. Petunia is your local wine mom, it’s rare that you’ll find her drinking much else. The only other thing you can ever catch her drinking is water during one of her workouts. She has been known to dabble in protein shakes but the texture is too unbearable to do more than take a photo with and then toss. She is not on board with that fad.

Foods: Petunia tells people she’s a health nut, that she could do keto, but she’s not. She really likes sweets. In her acting days she tried not to indulge in her sweet tooth but now, when she’s not in front of a camera, she is a sucker for cookies and other pastries. She can’t help herself.

Animals: Petunia doesn’t mind animals but she’s never fully desired one, either. She admires the aesthetic of cats because they’re beautiful and aloof. She is scared of rodents and will scream dramatically at even the hint of a mouse’s tail.

HEADCANONS:

Petunia is terrible at painting. She watches her son with all of his talent and can’t help but feel a hint of envy that mixes with pride. She’s glad at least someone is using the arts to further themselves. If she couldn’t succeed in her intended field then she would do everything to help her son in his. She will paint with him if he asks and has saved every painting he has ever given her. How is she supposed to get rid of them? They’ll be worth millions one day!

Petunia Robinson doesn’t know how to swim and, at this point, she’s too afraid to ask. She hasn’t mentioned it to most of the Robinsons as she’s rather embarrassed by this. She was from Florida for god sake, she cannot be scared of the ocean! Yet here we are, 57 years old, unable to swim. She will sit in the shallow end of a pool or lounge in an inflatable kiddie pool during the summer but the ocean is made for tanning on the shore, not diving in.

Petunia learned Spanish for a role once. She’s not fluent by any means but she’s not… Well… She’s pretty terrible, actually. She thinks she’s better at it than she is. She likes to brag that she’s very cultured. She’s trying her best.

CURSE EXPLANATION

Whenever Petunia Robinson experiences an extreme emotion she will transform from a human form to a wooden puppet that is a rather crude caricature of herself. She becomes about two feet tall and can move, though it is clunky and slow. Her voice takes on a hollow wooden sound and she cannot change back until she has fully calmed down. The curse does not care if the emotion she was experiencing was positive or negative, simply the intensity. They believe it is probably linked to heart rate but they have no idea really how to control it.

FAMILY

Father: Elmer Taylor Mother: Eloise Taylor (née Page) (Deceased) Sibling(s): Joe Robinson (brother-in-law), Billie Robinson (sister-in-law) Spouse: Fritz Robinson Children: Laszlo Robinson & Tallulah Jeane Robinson Nibling(s): Cornelius Robinson (nephew), Darareaksmey Franny Sor Robinson (née Framagucci) (niece-in-law), Wilbur Robinson (grandnephew), Art Framagucci (nephew-in-law), Gaston Framagucci (nephew-in-law) Pet(s): None (that are hers at least)

TESTS

Myers-Briggs: ESTP-T Enneagram: Eight - The Challenger Hogwarts House: Slytherin Primary, Gryffindor Secondary

[avengerscompound]

My Love,

My Love, - A Captain America Fanfic

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Steve Rogers x Reader

Word Count:  3349

Warnings:  Fluff with a side of angst

Synopsis:   Steve writes you a letter every time he goes on a mission. They usually arrive after he gets back.

A/N:  For my #Happy Steve Bingo Fill: Letters

I really hate being away from you so long.  That’s the nature of the job I guess.  At least it takes me to interesting places.

France is nice.  Definitely prettier than the first time I was here.  Not too surprising really.

Even with the mission, Tony keeps splurging on things.  Paris definitely knows how to do opulent.  I try and imagine what it would be like if I went back in time and told myself that my life would turn out like this and all I can think is I’d have tried to fight myself for being a liar.  Size difference and all.

The food here is good.  Rich but you don’t eat much of it.  Sam ordered a cappuccino which is an Italian drink.  Bucky thought it was hilarious when the waitress rolled her eyes and then charged him tourist prices.

I’m hoping we can see the Louvre before we leave but I doubt we’ll have time.  I’ll try and wrap up as quickly as I can though.  I do like art.  It would be nice to see it.

If not, maybe I can bring you some time?  Just for a vacation.  There’s a bridge where lovers engrave their initials on a lock and lock it to the railing.  We could do that together.

I miss you, With love, Steve

I got your letter a week after you got back.  I still feel the need to write to you though because that has by far been the cutest thing you’ve ever done.  Who stops mid-mission to go to a post office?

I would, however, love to go to France with you.  Thank you for the tip about cappuccinos.  Knowing me I’ll screw something up though.  You’ll have to do all the ordering.  Just remember I’ll want to eat all the cheese.

I know you didn’t make it to the Louvre so we will make sure we go together.  There is nothing I like more than seeing you being all artistic.  Maybe they’ll inspire you.

I missed you like crazy too.  I’m so glad you’re home. XXXOOO

London is dreary.  It’s been raining almost constantly since we got here.  That kind of rain that almost just hangs in the air and soaks you to the bone.

Even though it’s changed, being here reminds me of Peggy.

I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing.  I miss her.  It’s good to remember her and us.

Is it bad to be talking about a lost-love with a new one?  I’m sorry if that stepped over a line.

Sam won’t stop doing a bad English accent when he talks to locals.  I swear if he says ‘cheerio gov'na’ to one more person he’s going to get decked.  Bucky has been finding it extremely funny though.  I mean his accent is terrible.

Clint is obsessed with English breakfasts.  None of the rest of us understand it at all.  I mean, it comes with beans in tomato sauce and blood pudding that’s usually like rubbery disks.  He can’t get enough of it though and even though it’s eggs, bacon, beans, sausage, blood pudding, and toast, he still goes back for seconds every time.

We haven’t done much sightseeing this time.  I’ll buy you something really cheesy.

Love you and see you soon, Steve

Oh my god, I love you so much do you know that?  You are such a dork but so sweet I don’t even know what to do with you.  This time your letter arrived two days after you.  Kudos to the postal service.

You did come home with a bear dressed as a Queen’s Guard and stories of the Tower of London so lucky you got some sightseeing time.

Of course, you can talk to me about Peggy.  She was much more than an ex to you.  She was a first love and a lost life.  That’s important.  I love you and I don’t want you to hide important things from me just because you’re worried about petty things like jealousy.

I’m glad Sam was able to keep Bucky entertained.  I heard that accent, it was equal parts bad and hilarious.

I kind of want to try an English Breakfast now is that weird?  Or maybe I just want to see it. We’ll have to go together sometime too.  Also, let’s get fish and chips.  That’s a thing right?

I don’t think you understand how much I love you.

With all my heart XXXOOO

The middle of nowhere Serbia has nothing worth noting.  It’s cold and empty and it brings back bad memories.  No one is happy.  I don’t get cold easily but I hate it when I am and right now I am cold to my very bones.

Bucky has shut down almost completely.  He barely says anything to anyone.  Not even Sam or Clint are able to make him crack a smile.  I hope this is over soon.

I miss you.  I miss you like crazy.  I miss talking to you.  I miss holding you.  I miss how your lips feel against mine.  How mine feel against the rest of you.  I want to hold you and taste you and make love to you and instead I’m stuck here in the cold remembering what it’s like to die.

I love you.  Please don’t forget that. Steve

You can have whatever you need.  I’m right here.

I always like visiting China.  We don’t really get to come here often enough.  Even if it is for work.  Beijing is such an interesting city.  These temples that are older than Thor just alongside these wonders of modern architecture.

Also, everyone drives like maniacs.  I’m glad we have Clint to drive because I took a cab one time and thought for sure that was going to be the day I died.  And as you know, I don’t think those thoughts very often.

Natasha and Bucky speak fluent Mandarin and I think Bucky keeps saying shit about Sam to the locals because they keep giving him the weirdest looks anytime they speak to Bucky.  He won’t tell me what he’s saying though.

There’s a street food you can buy that’s like a savory pancake with an egg fried into it and some kind of crunchy thing that I’m not even sure what it is.  It tastes amazing though.  It has a spicy sauce that I can handle.  I’ve bought so many since I got here.

There is a fashion trend where people were little plastic flowers or leaves that look like they’re growing straight out of a person’s head.  Wanda loves it and bought herself a daisy.  She looks very cute wearing it.

We get stopped on the street a lot.  I’m glad we aren’t doing spy work because there is no way we’d be going unnoticed.  I will say I won’t miss the fact I get to have a small amount of anonymity back in New York.

I bought you a packet of Oreos with green and pink cream.  I think they’re peach and grape.  Only Clint was brave enough to taste them and he didn’t seem impressed.  And hot fish soup flavored chips.

Miss you.  This might be on the list of places we go.  What do you think? Steve

Man, this trip was a long one.  I miss you like crazy and I’m actually posting this to you before your even home.  Maybe it will be waiting for you before you get back.

At least it sounds like you’re having a good time.  I’m going to bug the hell out of Bucky to find out what he was saying about Sam.

I’m interested to see what the treats you’ve bought me are like.  Scared.  But interested.  I hope you buy me one of those head plants too.  They sound cute.  I definitely want to see Wanda wearing hers.

I hope you’re home soon.  I try not to, but I do worry when you’re gone.  I know you say it’s okay and normal.  And I know logically that that’s true, but I feel guilty about it.  Like you will then worry about me worrying about you.

Miss you so much.  I hope you’re ready for an embarrassing amount of PDA when your back.

XXXOOO

Austria is another country I think.  God, the buildings in Vienna are beautiful.

Tony is splurging again and I can’t even blame him.  It’s just one of those places.  A honeymoon place if you know what I mean?

When you order coffee here they serve it on a silver tray with a glass of water and a silver spoon.  Even places like McDonald’s serve it like that.   Clint says it’s about time he was treated like royalty because of his addiction.

The food is usually very heavy and meat is a big part of it but there’s always the lightest salad served on the side and the cakes here are amazing.

There are are some huge museums here in really old buildings.  I’d like to go see them.  Lots of art galleries too.  Gustav Klimt is from Vienna and his art features on a lot of banners around the city.  I would love to see it in person.

I’m surprised by how many people here dye their hair vibrant colors.  I mean I know it happens everywhere but I’ve never seen it in so commonly done.  Mostly young people in their late teens/early twenties but also lots of people of all ages.  Bucky said I should dye my hair so they fit in better and I kid you not an hour later Clint showed up with lavender hair saying he’s never going back to natural.

I miss you and love you.  I should be home soon. Steve

A honeymoon type place huh?  I see…

I got this letter a week after you got home.  Clint’s hair had already mostly washed out and I wish I had seen it so badly.  If you wanted to dye your hair I’d be okay with it.  As long as it wasn’t red, white, and blue.

I will definitely go to Vienna with you just for the cake and coffee experience.  If we have time I guess we can see some art too.

All my love XXXOOO

New Zealand is beautiful.  We’ve been traveling around with this one and in many ways, it reminds me of England in that it’s so green and it has been raining a lot.  But there’s something more … primal and … raw about it?  I guess those are the right words.  The mountains are huge and there’s a lot of volcanic activity.  Thor seems almost more alive here than I’ve ever seen him.

There is a lot of talk about Hobbiton and the Lord of the Rings around here.  Like that’s the thing you do in New Zealand.  I’d like to see it.  I read the Hobbit when it was released though I haven’t read the others or seen the movies.  They all came out while I was still on the ice.  Another thing to add to the list I guess.  That thing is getting longer and longer and I don’t seem to be making much of a dent in it.

The birds here are all very interesting.  I haven’t seen most of the really rare ones, although some government officials have organized to let us meet a kiwi once all the official work things are taken care of.

They call corner stores here dairies and Sam can’t stop laughing about it.  Oh also, one time we needed a cooler to store some… things… and the guy we bought it off called it a chilly bin.  Only with the accent, it sounded like chully bun and Sam didn’t stop laughing for a good hour after we left the store.   And then just randomly Bucky would say chully bun and set Sam off again for another 20 minutes.

I really love seeing them that happy, you know?

I bought you pineapple lumps because of the name.

I miss you.  I hope this wraps up soon. Steve

Oh my god, this one is a record-breaker.  It was a month after you got home that your letter arrived.  Man, the post office was in no hurry at all.

I have the Lord of the Rings movies here.  We can watch them next time you sleepover.  Which can be tonight if you like.

I really liked those pineapple lumps.  We should go to New Zealand just to get them.  I’m jealous that you got to hold a Kiwi bird.  I am totally framing that photo of you with it.  I’ve heard they have actual dinosaurs in New Zealand and I want to see them too.

I have to say, getting these letters from you is always something I look forward to.  It takes the edge off you going.  Like I know when you’re away at some random point in time I’m going to get a letter from you and I can look forward to it.

I love you so so much. XXXOOO

Santiago is such an intense city.  There are so many people.  It’s crowded all the time and the pollution hangs low to the ground.  It does make it easy to blend in though.  Even for us.

I love how the mountains loom over us.  They just go up so drastically that even though they aren’t even close it looks like they’re in walking distance.  I want to climb them but then also I really don’t want to do that either.

I’m having a little trouble with the food with my poor Irish stomach.  I have however discovered Ceviche.  Bucky is very uncertain as to why I would want to be eating raw fish but it is so good.  I think I’m going to try and make it when I get home.  I’ve probably eaten it every single day.

We aren’t getting to see very much this time though.  It’s pretty much been constant work.  We did have a naked Clint situation but I might let him tell you about it.  Make sure you ask him though.

I miss you and love you. Steve

Your Ceviche was wonderful and I’m so glad you have that as a thing you can make.  If nothing else, I’m glad you went to Chile for that alone.  Though I wish I could go with you on these things.  I mean, obviously, I know you can’t but still, the bed feels empty without you in it.

You are welcome to climb those mountains, but I think you might have to do it without me.  Unless you want to carry me.  You can probably carry me if you like.

Naked Clint situation you say?  Well, I guess I’m coming over to the compound.  I’ll see you soon.

Love you XXXOOO

I have been to Germany so many times I stopped seeing it as something interesting.  I’ve never been here for the Christmas markets though and I am absolutely bringing you back for them.

I have never really understood Christmas lights until seeing them here. It gets dark so early and it just looks magical.

I have never seen the team so happy to be on a mission before.  We’re doing the work… but we blend into the crowds in the dark. On the time off they’re going out and buying drinks in the street.  Maybe not the most responsible thing to do I guess.

Sam has found a stall that sells skewers of meat with a potato stuck on the end and he carries them around pretending he’s a Viking.

I bought you an ornament.  It’s not super Christmas themed so you can just put it up if you want to all year round.  It looks like a bird.  Clint keeps asking me if I want you to be thinking about him when I’m not around.  So of course now I’m only going to think of him when I see it.

I have never wished you were with me as much as I do right now.  I think you would really like it here.

I miss you and love you, Steve

It sounds amazing.  I love the bird and I will absolutely not think about Clint when I look at it.  I will think about how much I love you and how you always surprise me.

The Christmas Markets do sound good and you all looked very relaxed when you got back.  That doesn’t happen very often.  I really hope we can go one day.  There are so many things I would like to do with you now.   We are definitely going to have to organize a trip together but you’re always so happy to be home.  I don’t want to drag you away from that either.

This time your letter arrived three weeks after you did.  Not a record but I was starting to wonder if you forgot.  I should have more faith in you.

Love you XXXOOO

Sydney is really pretty.  It’s been really warm here despite coming off the tail end of winter I feel like I’m steaming to death in my uniform.  It’s funny when you go to a place and it’s just like the pictures on TV look.  The Harbor is like that.  With the Bridge and the Opera House.

I got to try Tim Tams.  Finally knocking some things off my damned list.  They’re pretty good.  One of the locals showed me this way to eat them where you kind of use them as a straw.  It was a little too sweet for me but Sam made sounds like he just had an orgasm.

It’s interesting the kinds of wildlife you see right in the city too.  I mean it’s not kangaroos or anything.  But they have those big white parrots.  Cockatoos?  Is that what they’re called.  And at night there are the biggest bats I’ve ever seen in my life.  Every time we see them Sam starts quoting Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.

Bucky tried eating kangaroo.  He said it was gamey but okay.  It’s funny how the rest of the team were too scared to do that.  We’re superheroes.  Oh well, I guess being too scared to eat marsupial isn’t going to end the world.

They sell opals everywhere here.  I bought you something.  I really, really hope you like it.  I think you will.

I miss you and love you.  See you soon. Steve

Five weeks!!  Five weeks this letter took me.  I can’t believe it.  And what do you mean present?  You never gave me a present.  Or are we talking those Tim Tams because I thought they were from Sam?  Sam definitely tried to make it very clear they were from him.  The whole ‘you may want to ditch Steve for me after this’ thing and all.

They were pretty damn good, but it will take more than a chocolate cookie to pull me away from you.

I really want to see giant bats.  Is Australia on our list?  It’s pretty big.  There’s got to be more to it than just Sydney.

Love you so much. XXXOOO

I’m writing this on the plane on the way back from Sydney.  Even with the Quinjet, it takes a long, long time to get from Sydney to New York.  Lots of time to think.

Obviously, I was already thinking this, because I bought the ring before I wrote the letter.  I just wanted to make sure you knew exactly how I felt.

I love you so much.  You are the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think about when I go to sleep at night.  When we are apart every small thing I enjoy I wish I was sharing with you.  When we are together I feel as safe and happy as I ever have.

I love you and I want to share the rest of my life with you.  I want us to visit the world as a couple enjoying all the little things I always miss.

Will you marry me? Steve

[aroacehogwarts]

Which wizarding world dragon would make for a lovely pet? - Pottermore

So you’re looking for a new pet. Have you considered a terrible, scaly, dangerous, fire-breathing dragon?

Which of the ten dragon species from the Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them textbook would make the perfect pet – if you could actually have one? Some may argue none at all. But some may counter with the fact that they’re simply misunderstood, and would make wonderful scaly companions as long as you fire-proof your home.

So if you were a wizard, which egg would you be picking up from a mysterious stranger down the Hog’s Head pub?

Norwegian Ridgeback

Norwegian Ridgeback by Dan Mumford

If you’re in the market for one of the more popular dragons of the species, perhaps a Norwegian Ridgeback would make a welcome addition to the family. Rubeus Hagrid, noted gamekeeper at Hogwarts, made a wonderful ‘mummy’ to young Norbert, for example, but sadly did not have the space to keep him.

Why should you choose it?

Because if you love Hagrid, you’ll love a Ridgeback. But it’s probably recommended that you have a big spacious house if you are planning on keeping one, preferably one not made of wood. In fact, this advice is probably true of looking after any dragon. Also bear in mind that Ridgebacks tend to develop fire-breathing abilities between one and three months old, a lot earlier than other breeds, so will likely set any cuddly toys, cots and other items on fire. Aside from this, a Ridgeback is a lovely pet choice. Probably.

Antipodean Opaleye

Antipodean Opaleye by Dan Mumford

This New Zealand dragon is ideal for those who favour a more glamorous lifestyle, as they are known to be one of the more beautiful of their species. Of course, all dragons are beautiful in their own way. However, the Antipodean Opaleye is particularly striking with its pearly scales and multi-coloured eyes, and it even has a fabulous flame – coloured in a vivid scarlet. Très chic. The Opaleye will not just be a loyal pet, but a beautiful addition to the household.

Why should you choose it?

If you like to not be murdered by your own pet, the Antipodean Opaleye is ideal. In fact, it rarely kills unless it’s hungry. Well, we all get a bit grumpy before lunch, right? Another plus point about this dragon: its favourite food is sheep rather than, say, you. In fact, as dragons go, this one is probably the one you should all go for, to be honest.

Chinese Fireball

© JKR/Pottermore Ltd.™ Warner Bros.

This dragon is a particularly aesthetically pleasing one – especially if you’re a Gryffindor and fancy a red-and-gold pal to go with your ensemble.

Why should you choose it?

According to Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, this dragon is not averse to a bit of extra company. So, if you’re looking to expand your family, maybe get two – maybe even three!

Just one small disclaimer: Chinese Fireballs do like eating humans, so be sure to bear that in mind.

Swedish Short-Snout

© JKR/Pottermore Ltd.™ Warner Bros.

The gorgeous Swedish Short-Snout is not only beautiful but practical, with the ability to reduce timber and bone to ash in mere seconds. Great if you have any spare timber or, er, bones lying around. Anyway, as far as dragons go, it rarely tends to kill humans, although that might be because it usually lives in uninhabited mountain areas. Still: credit where credit’s due.

Why should you choose it?

The Short-Snout is an excellent dragon to accessorise with, thanks to its silvery-blue scales and gorgeous blue flame. You could co-ordinate looks!

Common Welsh Green

Certainly a dragon for the more laid-back owner, the Common Welsh Green is a serene fellow, who prefers the taste of sheep rather than you. With a melodious roar and lovely brown and green speckled eggs, this is about as wholesome as you get in the world of dragons.

Why should you choose it?

Because it sounds like… dare we say, a lovely dragon. We thought ‘lovely dragon’ was an oxymoron, so this is a result.

Peruvian Vipertooth

Peruvian Vipertooth by Dan Mumford

This copper-coloured species is small yet mighty, with venomous fangs and a penchant for liking humans – and not in a nice, ‘they want to be your mate’ way. Yep, we mean in an eating you sort of way. However, it also eats goats and cows, so at least it has a varied diet.

Why should you choose it?

If you’re a bit short on space, a Peruvian Vipertooth is perfect – due to its smaller size at only a modest 15 feet. N’aww. Shame about the whole ‘eating you’ thing, mind.

Romanian Longhorn

Romanian Longhorn by Dan Mumford

The Longhorn has been through a treacherous history, with its species veering near extinction due to wizards’ interest in its powerful horn. When powdered, a Romanian Longhorn’s horn is highly valuable for potions ingredients. As such, this dragon has become closely protected in the wizarding community. Yep, who knew a dragon would need protecting, eh?

Why should you choose it?

Because this species clearly needs a good home. As in: someone not trying to sell its horns for profit.

Hebridean Black

Hebridean Black by Dan Mumford

Native to Britain, the Hebridean Black is rough-scaled with purple eyes and bat-like wings. So, it’s a goth dragon, basically. This dragon enjoys the taste of dogs, cattle and deer, and probably likes listening to heavy metal music alone in their bedroom. Okay, maybe not.

Why should you choose it?

Because it’s so cool!

Ukrainian Ironbelly

Ukranian Ironbelly by Dan Mumford

The Ironbelly dragon is the biggest of its species, known to grow to up to six tonnes in weight. As such, it’s a tad cumbersome, but probably still adorable when you get to know it.

Why should you choose it?

Because if you’re going to have a dragon, you might as well pick the biggest one.

Hungarian Horntail

© JKR/Pottermore Ltd.™ Warner Bros.

Looking to achieve an edgier lifestyle? Is a leather jacket simply not cutting it? Well, how about purchasing a Hungarian Horntail, one of the most dangerous dragons out there? What a way to sharpen up your look.

Why should you choose it?

For the simple reason that absolutely no one will mess with you if you have a giant Hungarian Horntail at your side.

[theothermasquerades]

farewell on a rooftop

Short story ~ 10/2/20

As I sat on that rooftop waiting for Alex, it started to rain. I did not mind.

I looked up at the sky, leaning right back to peer past the plastic umbrella that was doing very little to protect me from the coming storm. Dark skies. Good - it was going to pour.

I sat forward again, checked the door, then relit my cigarette. It had gotten a little wet from the drizzle, sagging sadly in my mouth, but sprang back to life when I inhaled smoke and warmth. I was sitting in the smoking section of The Ascot, the university local; not the bar within the grounds of the university, but one five-minutes north, where the drinks were cheaper and the staff weren’t dicks. As the name might suggest, The Ascot was a big racing pub, filled with middle aged men watching horses on televisions. Whenever I walked through the gaming section of the place I couldn’t help but think of the girls in primary school who were equally interested in horses, and how much such a comparison might annoy those present. The whole square footage of the ground floor was devoted to gambling, forcing perpetrators of that other sin – the smokers – onto the roof, where the furniture was much less comfortable. Not that we were ever discouraged from smoking. I would have chosen the furthest spot from the horse boys in any case.

I looked around for my bag of tobacco to roll another cigarette while I waited, but the idea was suddenly rendered obsolete. Alex walked through the door. I smiled, as I always did in his presence, forgetting my nicotine cravings entirely.

Rain was still pattering the umbrella above me. It hung in Alex’s mop of dark hair; tiny droplets which dripped down my back when we hugged hello. His chest was warm. I tried to banish the thought, but before I could, another; He smelled fresh, like clean bedsheets. I held my breath, and hoped the morning’s perfume was doing its duty. Alex didn’t smoke.

“Sorry I’m late, forgot I had to return my library books. Can you imagine the late fees if I’d accidentally packed them?”

Alex had flown over from Wellington to study Jazz when I’d flown from Hobart for the same reason. The course was considered quite prestigious by some, but the presence within our number of a small group of fucking morons had really shattered any illusions of grandeur early on. The course couldn’t be that good if they’d accepted Seamus. This was probably a good thing for me; the surest way to destroy my performance in any field was to suggest that I might be uncommonly good at it. I thrived at being mediocre, and so had made a reasonable pass at playing piano the past three years. But it was all over now. I was staying in Melbourne. Alex was not.

Alex brushed rain from his hair and made a joke about his terrible packing. I laughed, and made some blithe remark about “it all being real.” It made my chest tight. I immediately wished I’d said something stupid about the weather instead. Something to keep the intensity of the situation at arms length.

“Yeah, I know. Nice of you to… glad we could grab a drink before I left. Can’t say I’ll miss this place though.” On cue, the umbrella above us sagged and dribble water down Alex’s shoulder. We laughed.

Maybe it didn’t have to be real if we didn’t look it square in the face. Fantasies like “we’ll meet again” and “I’ll stay in touch!” Could be bandied about as if we actually believed them. I thought of sitting on this hard wooden bench in two weeks with the other people I’d met in Melbourne, the vapid, the self-obsessed, the boring, while Alex was in New Zealand, saving to move to America. My back hurt.

“Do you want a drink?”

I got up as fast as I could and grabbed my wallet while he was still fumbling for his, his gentle protests following me to the door, but not beyond. You always had to fight Alex to pick up any kind of tab. I turned back to look at him through the windows as I stood at the bar. He was facing away from me, looking out over the neighbouring rooftops. He wasn’t checking his phone or watching the sport on the small outdoor screens, he was just… looking. I took a deep breath, in through my nose, out my mouth. My pulse was buzzing. Why? The awkwardness of a permanent goodbye? Or…

I couldn’t supply the answer.

Bearing two pale ales I headed back to the table, spilling a little down my fingers when I moved too fast. He jumped slightly when he heard me, and plastered a smile over some other emotion. I offered some lame joke about my waitressing skills. Then we drank. I think we were both searching for something to say. Our eyes met and I looked down quickly into my beer, watching as the larger bubbles in the foamy head popped. When they were all gone, I spoke.

“You all packed then?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I leave first thing.”

“So, no wild night out on the town then?”

“Hah. I wish.” Our eyes met briefly again, and I had the faint impression there was something he was trying to say.

Alex was a rare man. He never made anyone feel less than they were. He was a genius, but in a way that appeared to other people’s advantage rather than his own. I didn’t even realise for the first few months I knew him, only ever noticing my own brilliance in his presence. There were never any flashy displays of intelligence or skill, putting someone else down. You really had to be paying attention to see it. He was sweet, maybe more so than anyone else I knew, though he had all of the advantages in life that so often made people cruel. He was tall, handsome, and came from wealth, I think. He would never say.

I blinked a few times, and to my horror discovered my eyelashes were wet. Tiny droplets joined the rain water on the table, my skin. I looked out over the tree tops, twisting my head most of the way around. I focused very hard on two birds circling one another in flight, circling or mating. It was hard to say.

“I don’t know what to say.” “Not much to say. It sucks.” “Yeah. I hate it.” “I’ll miss you.” “You too.” “Who will laugh at my terrible jokes now?” “Who will nod thoughtfully at the stupid things I say, more like.” “Well, I’ll have to come back and visit, then.” “Yeah. Maybe I’ll visit you.”

It was the wrong thing to say. We both knew it was never going to happen, and The Reason Why seemed to enter the space between us with my words. Alex’s smile stiffened, but his tone remained casual.

“Give my best to Felix, won’t you? I’m sorry I won’t get to say goodbye.”

And suddenly I understood something that I had only ever guessed at before. I saw the feeling behind his smile that I knew so, so well; the pain of loving someone who couldn’t love you back. Suddenly I knew.

I smiled back, without teeth. My lips wouldn’t open. “Yeah, I will.” The words were heavy, almost throaty.

I rolled a new cigarette, taking far more care than I normally would, as we spoke of inane things, things I hardly noticed. As I fiddled with the filter I stole another glance across at him. The sudden revelatory emotion had all but vanished, as he asked me about upcoming projects and mutual friends. I began to think, hope I had imagined it. I took him in properly for the first time all day. He was wearing his normal unbuttoned shirt and suspender combination. I don’t think I’d ever met anyone else in real life who wore suspenders unironically. I used to think it was a dumb affectation, before I got to know the bloke. It occurred to me that Alex was exactly the guy I had always pictured myself ending up with. Suddenly, unbidden, I began picturing what a life with Alex would look like. I saw conversations on shared interests, about books, art, history, philosophy. We really were astonishingly similar, though his temperament was much gentler. I saw him cooking me dinner and travel to exotic places. No more arguments over Felix’s financial situation or his inability to boil a fucking egg. I saw peace, with Alex, my beautiful friend, the most patient man I had ever met. And how happy we could be.

“You don’t believe I would come to New Zealand.” The remark surprised him. He looked up at me then, then looked away again to drink from his beer.

“No, I guess not. Would you?”

The question came wrapped in a sardonic smile. He was asking about more than just a holiday. I felt blood rise in my cheeks, as lust flooded my body. For the first time, I wanted him. I was overwhelmed with desire, to go out of limits, to have that which I should not, could. I didn’t even try to stop the thoughts; how good it would feel. How bad and how good. I drank from my own beer, the icy liquid cooling my chest and but heating my blood. I thought of kissing him and it was as though I’d never wanted anything else quite that much. I answered his question quietly.

“I don’t want to think I’ll never see you again.” My lips were wet. I felt myself blush.

Alex seemed to have to make himself look away from my mouth. He was suddenly laughing, and to my surprise, now it was his eyes filling with tears. He clenched and unclenches his fists, and finally spoke. “If I didn’t like your boyfriend so much I’d kiss you right now.” From another man, it would have been a suggestion, almost an invitation. But Alex was being perfectly serious.

“I like you, Alex.” I tried to take his hand, but he pulled it away from me. I felt like I’d been slapped in the face.

“Maybe. But you love Felix,” he said.

Shame overwhelmed me. My cheeks burned and I stared into my lap. He was right. Felix, upon whom I was constantly looking down. Funny, kind, childlike Felix, who didn’t know how to file a tax return, but who was good to me, and whom I loved beyond all reason. Who was unlike anyone else I knew. If I chose Alex, I would have less pain, but also less joy.

And I saw myself suddenly, between these two men, best friend and lover, in the certain knowledge that I deserved neither of them. Alex looked back at me, his eyes still red but not wet. “I won’t forget you, Jess.” But I knew that he would, and for this at least I was glad.

He got up to leave then, and the rain started falling very heavily. I lit my new cigarette.

[rynnwolfe]

The ever-lovely @couchcushings tagged me in one of these fun ask memes to distract me from the Death Void(TM) that I’ve been staring into for the past few hours. Thanks, dear, these will be so fun to answer!

1) Favorite 1960s sitcom and if you don’t have one, google them and pick whichever one looks the funniest.

I never realized how many 1960s sitcoms I loved! My top three have to be The Andy Griffith Show, Hogan’s Heroes, and The Munsters (though The Addams Family is right there with this one). So we have a soft, family-oriented one, a classic comedy/war one, and a wacky pseudo-horror one.

2) Which children’s book series is the best in your highly objective opinion.

Whyyy do you ask me these difficult questions?? Once again I’m torn, because I spent an obscene amount of my childhood buried in books; I have pieces of my heart and soul in nearly every one that I read in those formative years. But if I had to choose a select few, they would be: The Artemis Fowl series, the Chronicles of the Imaginarium Geographica series, and the Last Dragon Chronicles. And ask me about these last two if you want to hear an overly-excited spew of love toward these series.

3) Which supernatural creature are you most likely to date and why?

I feel personally attacked by this question, you sneaky lass. Well, I suppose this mainly depends on the personality of the individual? I don’t know, I tend to not have a type so much as a specific person. But if I had to pick, I would say I’d be partial to either some sort of forest/plant creature, or some form of were-creature. Preferably a bear-esque creature. <3 

4) Drawing or writing and why?

I adore both, though I think at this point in my life I prefer writing due to the depth that you can achieve in your writing more efficiently than in drawing. I adore art, but I’m at a point in my progression that I can see what doesn’t look right, but I don’t have the ability to fix it. Writing doesn’t give me that issue as often.

5) On a scale of Hercule Poirot (everything has its Very Specific Place) to Sherlock Holmes (my bills are in the light fixtures), how organized are you?

It depends on the specific thing I’m dealing with, actually. My books must be in alphabetical order by author and my clothes must be organized by type as well as color, but my plants are a very haphazard, more aesthetically-based collection, and my school supplies are forcefully shoved into one drawer that I dutifully ignore. So, both, I suppose? Not in the middle, but a duality between the two depending on the circumstance.

6) Your fave OC (if you have any).

Does it need to be mine? If not, I’d say my favorite is probably either Patches, Pietro, Julian, or Lucky from Chelsea’s lovely and twisted collection of various ghouls, goofs, and gangsters. <3 I wish to smooch them all, honestly. If it does indeed need to be my own, I would say probably Reagan Smith, my dear little German mafia member who is trying to dismantle a Kingsman sort-of organization from the inside while saving as many new recruits as she can. She’s very broken and I adore the unusual mannerisms I was able to weave into her character. Or my trash, Greek-tragedy vibe of a lawyer, Thomas Richard Haroldson who is the disgruntled single father of a very fussy carnivorous plant, and who is being thrust deeper and deeper into the dark side of many of our beloved supernatural creatures.

7) What would your horror/fantasy alter ego be like? (EG mine is a cheerful necromancer who likes building bone dogs.)

Chelsea already knows the answer to this, as my alter ego is her alter ego’s roommate. But for all you know don’t know how deeply invested I am into this story line we’ve created, my alternate self is a botanist who deals in the darker and less-natural areas of the plant kingdom, a la Little Shop of Horrors. She loves her precious, bloodthirsty children very much, and does her best to care for their every need. Which, as you can imagine, gets her into a quick downward spiral of shady dealings and general murder. Also, Zombie Fungus. Never befriend Zombie Fungus.

8) What was the last book you read?

I’m rereading Lord of the Rings, but also I’m working my way through a few botany books, my favorite being The Flora of Middle Earth which has me over the moon at all the information about plants, their cellular makeups, and how they exist in the world of my favorite series. <3 Makes me feel like a true hobbit.

9) What’s your Type™?

I thought I had a type, but recently that has been very overthrown by a few lovely gentlemen whom I shall not name. So I’ve realized that I don’t have a physical preference, per say, but Chelsea changed my life by saying that: “Joyful. Your type is joyful.” Truer words have rarely been spoken, I think. I want someone who, despite going through difficulties, holds in them a strong belief that life is worth living, and that there are people worth loving, jokes worth telling, and blessings worth being thankful for. I suppose I want someone who isn’t afraid to laugh and be silly, and love fully. Bonus points if they have the stature to fight a bear in hand-to-hand combat.

10) If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?

There are so many lovely places, and each has complex good and bad aspects that I don’t even pretend to understand. However, I would say some of my top places to at least visit would be: Ireland, New Zealand (not simply because of Lord of the Rings, I promise), and perhaps anywhere on the coast. I am fearful of the ocean, and yet it calls to me sometimes. 

[imbrogliostew]

Game of 2016: Path of Exile(?!): Questioning and analyzing video game addiction, also a review

Hey what’s going on, you’ll ask, Path of Exile isn’t a 2016 game!

Yeah, maybe for you, but about that...

Oh boy. I think all of that was 2016.

I’ll tell the truth, I haven’t played TF2 for a solid 4-5 years and it’s been on the top of my most played charts since I stopped playing. Like all games though, eventually I got tired of it and started played something else but I have not gotten any game beyond that mythical 291 hour mark. Europa Universalis 4, excellent game, but so far, only 194 hours. Dark Souls 1 and 2, I finished the game and made several builds at 150 hours. Skyrim? Not great, but addicting, and I broke free from its curse at 162 hours. Only recently, when I last checked, did another game take the place of My Most Played.

Path of Exile.

So, we are at the end of 2016 and instead of anything overtly political and depressing (go check my twitter for that!) I think I want to talk about this game instead. God knows we’ve had quite enough of that so far. And I also want to use the freeform essay format to properly sort out my feelings about being addicted to a video game, something I haven’t truly felt since my days of Ragnarok Online. So let’s go together to a journey of the mind. Journey of my own soul and have a deep heart-to-heart about video game addiction and game design and all that high-learnin’ cockadoo.

So what is Path of Exile?

If I have to put it in the crudest way, Path of Exile is a Diablo clone. More specifically, it’s a reaction to Diablo 3’s art and design direction, which more emphasized a cartoony, bright, and stylized look for the game (i.e. Warcraft-like), in which the overreaction was famously parodied in this Penny Arcade comic. In response, Grinding Gear Games, a New Zealand development company, created a game that plays like Diablo, but darker, edgier, bloodier, gorier.

If you’re like me, you’re rolling your eyes right now and saying “okay dude I’m gonna play a good game that’s not afraid to be bright and colorful like Sora no Kiseki” but hang on. Hear me out. Because even with this juvenile “like Diablo but DARKER” veneer this game has, it’s a genuinely good game. And, you know, it’s free, and that’s probably what pushed me to start this game out in the first place. But then after I started, what made me stick?

I am obsessed with customization

Have you ever looked at the passive tree for Path of Exile? I’ve talked to people who said that just looking at it intimidated them. I’m stupid and this is a video game, so I went in without any prior knowledge. Obviously, I fucked my build up because I thought like a sane person and said “well I’ll focus on powering this skill if I’m in close range but I’ll power this skill if I’m far away!” and both my skills are like the worst in the game. So, instead of being discouraged and play something else, since I’m a dog that loves punishments (oh baby) I rerolled a new character and got something workable by reading guides.

What’s my point here? This game is easy to fuck up because there’s so many ways you can build your character. Not all of them are in any way viable. But I like that. That’s fine. That’s the risk if there are also a ton of ways to make your character viable. You want a standard character that can’t take a ton of hits but absorb health by attacking them with your giant axe? Yeah sure. You want to build a character that has no health at all but immune to chaos damage while you let your minions do the hard work? Why not? You found some super rare gloves that reverse knockback effects so they come to you, so you’re going to make a build completely based on making yourself a magnet for enemies? Shit, you do you, fam. It might work, it might not, but making stupid theories and working out details on your builds is fun.

And because I am that insane enough about wanting to try new things even if it hurts me, but not insane enough to think it matters that I get hurt is why I am in love with this aspect of PoE.

For awhile, it is empty, easy grinding

In the lower difficulties (which you have to go through on ALL YOUR CHARACTERS btw) PoE is piss-easy. And because that section of the game does not require a lot of focus, I doze off, listen to a podcast or audiobook, and go on autopilot.

“Wow you don’t sound like you’re enjoying the game.” That’s not what that means. It means that due to my warped understanding of productivity, it’s a game that I can multitask with just fine. It’s the reason I was kind of into Guild Wars 2 a while ago, it’s easy, not a lot of thought, I can put my brainpower in something else as I grind the levels. I’m not a person that likes to sit still. Unlike a lot of people I am physically incapable of sitting down and watching a movie without pausing and taking a walk around or thinking of something (movie theaters are hell). Video games allow me to listen to Chapo Trap House, likewise when I am driving, eating, doing busy work, or otherwise any activity that doesn’t utilize a major part of my brainpower.

It might be no coincidence that I got into Path of Exile in 2016, when I’ve gotten the urge to listen to more audio-based media. That it was right after my dad died and I began to think a whole lot about money. About capitalism. Started to read, get information, and the dead empty-headed approach to video games like most MMOs and PoE appealed to that.

I doubt I could’ve gotten through all the books and podcasts I have without having something for my fingers and that part of my mind to do.

An interesting approach to multiplayer economies

Crafting in PoE is a piece of shit.

But it’s a piece of shit that’s expertly designed because GGG wants it to be shitty. Everything is in the mercy of the RNG, when you craft, so if you want to give your boots a little bit of boost to your mana, you don’t get to decide how much it gives. When you upgrade your common helmet with the item that gives it bonuses, you don’t get to decide what those bonuses are. As GGG further updates the game to give us more control over the crafting results, they never let the player get full control of it. They still give at least some portion of the process to RNG.

That shittiness makes the multiplayer aspect necessary.

Unlike another recently-released Diablo clone, Grim Dawn, PoE is designed from the ground up to be a multiplayer game, which can be seen in its drops. Grim Dawn’s rarest drops appear like candy compared to PoE, so you don’t really NEED to trade around to get the builds you want to run. PoE doesn’t get a lot of rare drops, and the majority of them have such randomized stats to make them utterly useless for your specific build. They might be good for someone else’s build, though, so you put it up for sale.

Here’s where it gets interesting: PoE does not have money in a traditional sense. There’s no gold item which only function is so you can purchase things. All currencies are crafting components. Items to randomize the bonuses of your gear. Items to add a random bonus to your equipment. Items to randomize the colors of your gem sockets, randomize the amount of the gem sockets, randomize the links between each socket, etc. etc. etc. These items are now your currency.

So you sell your item, you get some crafting currencies. You decide not to spend them and instead use them to make your own equipment. Etc. Rinse and repeat. The multiplayer is necessary if you want to play something other than self-found builds.

But this sort of multiplayer economy is symptomatic of any mercantilist system. Eventually, you’ll have a player or a guild that’s very successful and have the economic might to run and dictate prices of the market. How can anyone avoid that? Simple: by resetting the economies in temporary leagues. The temporary league is the game mode that anyone actually plays because it’s the one with the gimmicks. Every few months, a new temporary league is made, with a fresh economy, everyone starts from a new character, and your characters from the old league are transferred to standard. Nobody actually plays standard.

In summary: a well-designed and shitty crafting system that encourages player interaction and trading, along with an economy using actual items and barter as currency.

Still developing, still changing

I would not have written this last year--hell, I would not have written this piece six months ago! In 2016 alone, PoE has gotten two major expansions and I want to talk specifically about the second one from this September, Atlas of Worlds.

As much fun as I’m having making builds, figuring out viability of unique items, and looking at the stuff people are selling, the endgame for PoE is criminally dull and uninteresting. Your character has saved the world three times (once per difficulty level) and you get to finally reach the real endgame! How exciting! What is it? Why, you explore randomly-generated areas to get epic loot, of course! Make your character stronger, finish your build!

And quite honestly, this is where I usually stop every league.

This part of the game suffers from the same disease as Monster Hunters X, another excellent game, but one I couldn’t bear to finish. It’s that, even if the game itself is fun, I can’t get invested if there’s just no story attached to it.

Is that silly? Maybe. I loved Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate and played the main campaign to completion. I don’t doubt that if the main campaign lacked the thin veneer of story that it had, without the characters, the narrative, the stakes that each arc  put on the table, I would not have gotten far in the game either. That plot is important.

Atlas of Worlds fixes this problem. You explore the maps and an NPC tells you about the Atlas. You encounter a mysterious being that empowers the bosses. You then go on a quest to learn the mysterious goals and to take down this powerful creature and its four great servants.

That’s all it takes! A concrete, solid goal for your character to fight for. It doesn’t need an excellent plot (though it helps). If it’s fun, it will be played, but I do believe that shade of a story and progression is important. More importantly, it fixes this stale and dull endgame.

These expansions are free, by the way, and it will keep on developing. Act 5 of the main plot is being developed now, for example, and new content is forthcoming as well. I’m excited to see how this game will develop as time goes on.

Ok, the bad parts

So! Have the descriptions of my personal psychoses made you more curious about this game? Hang on there, because I’m about to dive into why this game isn’t perfect. Like not even close.

Holy shit leveling is boring.

I told you already about temporary leagues, right? And how leveling characters mindlessly is part of the joys of the game? Yeah, that might not be for everyone.

I’m not exactly sure why I’m lagging?

Not a game with the best online implementation, admittedly, and in a game that’s always constantly online, that’s a problem. That its graphics are mediocre and it can encounter graphical stutters is also an annoying minus towards its merits.

PoE exploded my computer

I’ve seen one--and only one--tell me their computer died because they tried playing PoE. I do not know how credible this is and I’m not sure I believe them.

Other parts/in summary

Path of Exile is a fantastic game and time sink. Not perfect, far from it, and I think though anyone can enjoy it, I think it takes a certain type of person to be utterly obsessive about it.

I’m certainly not the most obsessed. There’s a person in my friends list, who befriended me after we made a small party to beat a boss. They’re always online. Always. Constantly changing characters out of the fly. X is offline. X is online. X is offline. X is online. Even though I spend an unhealthy amount of time playing, and writing, about the game, there are others who are even more obsessed. Who are they?

Have you ever been addicted to an online game? To an MMO? I have. That game was Ragnarok Online when I was but a young teenager. It was an unhealthy obsession that uh…

Hmm…

No, actually, I can’t say that I regret it. But I do regret some stupid stuff I did while riding on that obsession.

See, that’s the thing about  it, I associate good feelings with the obsession, though I know it was objectively a bad thing. I still smile and want to cry when I listen to the theme of Prontera. The truth is, I enjoyed my addiction. Because the real world was honestly not really better.

Is it a coincidence that my addiction began when I moved to the USA? Probably not. I left my friends back in the home country and came here all friendless. I wasn’t quite able to talk or make friends in this strange new country with its alien nostalgia, its foreign cultures, and a language that I am kind of fluent in, but only because of my previous obsession with movies and video games. So I dove deep into the online world. Forums. RP. Video games. Particularly, Ragnarok Online.

I was probably lucky the server shut down when it did!

That was then, around 2005 to 2007 or so. Since then I was able to become more social, more used to life in the USA. Less dependent, perhaps, on video games.

Now, in the tail end of 2016 and the dawn of 2017, I am obsessed and finding myself spending a lot of time in another game. I don’t think it is the game itself. Depending on specific circumstances, I might find myself obsessing over another game. But I am obsessed with a game now, and what does it say about me?

What does it say about 2016?

Why did you write this?

Well, to make this article about me for a second, I have not been properly writing these days. I used to be a bit prolific with short stories but the daily grind of life, work, and clinical depression have smoothened out the parts of my brain that get excited about fiction. Not completely, but enough. I still have things I want to talk about though, and I am compelled to write something down, so I decided to talk about my discovery of PoE beating my TF2 numbers.

Anything is worth writing about, you know, and a game review is no exception, even if it is a few years old.

And also, I haven’t been playing a lot of games, you know? And the games that I hoped would be GotY just turned out to be... Not flops, but just good or ok. Stellaris, Hearts of Iron 4, SMT4 Apocalypse, Dark Souls 3. Either that or I’ve gotten old and cynical. Or maybe since these games are involving and take a long time, I’ve just lost the time to spend a lot of time focusing my whole brainpower on them. So I just wrote about Path of Exile.

It just wasn’t a great year in general, huh?

But that’s my piece. As I try to escape life I find myself delving deeper into the systems in my head that make me like what I like. 2017 will not be a good year, not by any stretch. But we will all get through this together.

[cyclinginaskirt-uk]

It started with just a small innocuous advert on the message board of my mountain bike club…..”planning a trip, anyone interested in bike touring get in touch”.

Why not I thought, what harm could there be in just replying……

A lot as it turns out, which is why, a few weeks later, I’m sat around my kitchen table with 3 strapping strangers drinking beer and discussing luggage. Bike luggage.

It seemed only polite at this juncture to get to know my fellow suffer-fest companions as in just a week’s time we are off to Wales to take on the Trans-Cambrian trail, cycling and camping together for three days covering over 100 miles of some of the best remote mountain trails in the UK. It’s nice to put faces to names too with communication thus far being limited to What’s app banter.

M, my long-suffering partner appears with pizza and our intrepid band is complete. For the first time ever on a trip I have done none of the planning or organising which is both wonderful and scary, especially for those of us with control issues. This is Keith’s baby, submitter of advert and veteran cycle tourist he completed the trail last year and apparently enjoyed the pain so much he’s willing to give it another bash.

Two of his friends Gary aka Action Man and Paul, make us the remainder of the party. Gary is hyper qualified in the bike stakes as he’s just returned from cycling across New Zealand – on a bike carrying a disabled ex-service man, one of his many feats of endurance as we will learn.

Fast forward a few days and the next time we meet it’s in the middle of a field on the Welsh borders at Knighton, close to Offa’s Dyke. The river running through the field is the cartographic dividing line between England and Wales or so I’m reliably informed by the sat-nav. Handy information but it doesn’t make up for her failure to direct us to the campsite. After much inching through precipitous single track lanes in the car it’s good old fashioned human-eyesight which finally spots the handwritten felt-tip sign welcoming us to Panpwnton farm hikers camp.

The campsite is small but with a warm welcome and spotlessly clean toilet, which gives it high marks with me even if a bit of a queue forms for the single cubicle at peak times.

Tent pitched, Gary and Keith soon arrive but with the sad news that Paul has had to pull out last minute. One man down already, but undaunted we head to the pub for a pre-event athletes’ dinner of pizza washed down with copious amounts of beer and wine.

The next day dawns misty but dry. In my true organised-bordering-on-obsessive style I’ve have arranged all our kit for the fastest most efficient start possible, with provision for a decent cooked breakfast to send us on our way. M returns from the car with cups of tea, time to start the day and the adventure……

M: Where are the car keys….?

Me: “Very funny”.

M: “No, seriously where are the car keys…..?” And then the rain starts.

Three hours later the breakdown man is shaking his head having tried and failed to open the car using what looks like a credit card, blood pressure cuff and a coat hanger.

All our gear is still firmly imprisoned inside the car, perfectly packed bags, clothes, keys for the bikes also locked to the car.

I’m all for throwing a brick through the window (it’s M’s car) spurred by the heady effect of Hanger (hunger induced anger) and frustration. Fortunately Keith has spare food but the kit is still safely locked away and we’re going nowhere. After hours of scouring the camping field combing knee length grass in the drizzle, our best but unfounded guess is that the keys have been locked in the vehicle. In defeat I sit in the tent listening to the rain. With nothing better to do I decide to check M’s sleeping bag one more time just in case…… I FOUND THEM. Relief washes away frustration as the Breakdown man just rolls his eyes at us and leaves. We finally set off and even the drizzle is clearing up.

The trail: Day One

Knighton to Elan Valley

35 miles, 4150 feet of climbing

It’s great to finally be moving as we cycle up the hill away from the campsite. The car keys are firmly stored in my pocket for when we return in 3 days.

The trail begins after only a mile or so of tarmac. The whole route is advertised as over 70% off road, with any tarmac that there is consisting of small country lanes making it fantastic MTB country.

After turning off onto what looks like someone’s driveway, pedalling up a last bit of steep tarmac, we head through our first (of oh so many) gates leading uphill on a rugged trail. Full of enthusiasm we pedal hard wanting to ride every hill even though Keith has warned us it’s impossible. Panting and blowing at the top there’s a shout below from Keith, we’ve taken a wrong turn (and ridden the hill for no reason). Slightly cowed we turn around, me rolling squarely through some wet dog mess as we do, the pungent turd slathering my tyre and throwing up fumes as we descend.

Back on the track Keith points to a vertical bank of grass behind us. This is where we start pushing.

Any hopes I had of riding the whole way instantly drain away. The hill is monstrous. I’m pushing the bike vertically, using the brakes to stop us tumbling back in to oblivion whilst the sheep look on amused. It takes well over half an hour to reach the top, during which time it starts raining again. I also begin to regret packing quite so many flapjacks and all of my camping equipment as the bike weighs a ton.

As well as being mostly off road the route is also billed as a very respectable 95% ride-able which sounds wonderful until you realise that means that you will need to push/carry your bike for at least 5% of the time and at 108 miles long that’s still 5.4 miles of pushing. It feels like more, much more!

The route continues on soft grass, winding slowly uphill. The grass makes for hard going although it’s thankfully relatively dry. If really wet under wheel it would be exhausting. With blackening sky the day rolls on, the views are of dark sweeping hills and sheep. Many sheep. The aroma of dog shit is joined by the earthy tang of sheep poo which sprays up under wheel and coats pretty much everything. My mood is brightened somewhat when M starts shouting and cursing having gone to grab his water bottle and picked up a handful of steaming dung. Snigger.

The grassland is interspersed by a few gravel walking trails although most of the time we are heading across what look like sheep tracks. Keith’s doing a prime job of navigating even when we look at him askance as he send us away from a lovely gravel road down an invisible path in the grass.

The day passes in much the same way, grass trail across hills and gravel tracks, dipping through farm yards and climbing back out. It’s hard going but the views are spectacular and go someway to reminding you why you are putting yourself through this. At the end of a long day it’s a weary and subdued bunch however that hit the town of Rhayader to raid the Co-op shop before heading the final few miles to our campsite at Elan Oaks.

The site is off of pretty trailway and well set up….. for caravans. Camping seems to have been a bit of an afterthought as we push our bikes to a soggy field past a couple of sad porta-loos and outdoor sinks. True to form, just as we arrives the weather sticks 2 fingers up and starts raining hard as we pitch our tents.

The evening is saved however by the promise of hot food as we regroup in the Elan Valley Hotel across the road. I hang all my wet clothes out to dry in it’s near deserted dining room as the owner smiles tolerantly as he offers a menu and a place to charge my phone. I could have cried.

Over the years I’ve cycled a lot with camping gear, including off road through the mountains of Chile and Argentina, but today was tough. The boggy grass and precipitous hills were something else. To top it all off tonight was actually the last night of camping as we had booked rooms in a pub for the second (final) night of the trip.

It was then that I had a rare moment of genius….in true damsel in distress fashion I appealed to the owners of the pub to ask if we could perhaps leave our (sodden) camping gear with them tomorrow and collect it on the following day on our way home. I have never been so grateful as when they said yes!

An excellent meal with more copious amount of beer and wine left us all feeling good. Even the rain had let up for the walk back to the tent.

The trail: Day Two

Elan Valley to Llangurig

41 miles, 5220 feet of climbing

It can really psych you out when something is billed as ‘the toughest day’ and this was exactly how day two had been described. Now, day one had been tough so this was scary prospect. It would certainly the longest day in terms of miles and the most climbing and it dawned with a sense of trepidation….and the sound of rain lashing against the tent. Waiting and failing to find a break in the weather we de-camped and squelched over to the hotel for breakfast bearing armfuls of soggy camping gear. An hour later and it was with a huge sense of relief and a considerably lighter bike that we headed out, fortified by a large cooked breakfast and minus camping kit. Even the rain had stopped.

The Elan Valley is known as the Welsh Lake District, it covers 70 square miles of lakes and countryside and hosts 6 reservoirs built, not to provide water to locals, but to be shipped to the industrialised city of Birmingham hundreds of miles away to help cope with it’s exploding population.

Leaving the hotel, the trail quickly took us past the first reservoir before dropping down the side of a steep hill. Having missed the on road route we managed to improvise with a sheep track which plunged steeply down the side of a tall hill. Skidding down the rock strewn grass was certainly a good way to shake off the last bits of sleep.

A short pedal and then what goes down must inevitably go up again….and up….and up, a winding tarmac road until stretching out like a wall in front of us which was, Keith proudly informed us, Puke Hill. With an average gradient of nearly 15% it loomed ahead ominously.

The joy of mountain bikes however, over road bikes, is that they have a low ratio of gears of which I was incredibly glad. Coupled with the lack of camping gear my bike felt, if not lighter than air, then something approaching it.

Inch by inch I took on Puke Hill, pedalling and panting until, lungs screeching I topped out. Even if that killed me for the entire day it was worth it, with the added bonus of being able to get a photo of all 3 boys pushing up behind me.

And so the day went. The scenery and terrain differed markedly from day one, there was the inevitable same number of gates to open and close but aside from that the terrain, was varied, technical and wonderful.

After Puke Hill came a section of boulder-strewn undulating tracks full of rocks the size of sheep and traversed by the same. Technical climbing and descending whilst also ploughing through deep water-filled holes never knowing if you’d be just wetting the tyres or the entire bike. The track ended in the magnificent Claerwen dam (and a tarmac road which gave an easier option for arrival) before a steep push to head up and around the reservoir. The lee of it’s banks provided a sunny lunch stop, the rain having decided to take a well-earned day off.

Although rough under-wheel the reservoir tracks allowed us to pick up some speed and flow which continued when we hit the tarmac the other end. Being a roadie at heart I love a bit of tarmac and this was the best kind, smooth and near traffic free, long swoopy undulations, bordered by wild grasslands and lakes. The miles disappeared under-wheel in a way so different from the previous day, spirits soared along with the hawks we kept spotting. By the end of the road section we’d covered half of today’s miles relatively easily. We’d also acquired a new companion….a be-horned sheep’s skull, nicknamed Larry after the 1960’s children’s TV character, Larry the Lamb.

An off road climb next, through pine forest this time, the heady smell of warm sap accompanying us before some of the most beautiful, fast, flowing single track descents thorough the trees which left a permanent grin and many insects plastered across our faces.

Another winding valley road, this one with starker but no less stunning fauna, through abandoned mining stations and derelict houses until the sat nav kindly led us into someone else’s garden….no, not some random house after all but another trail leading up the steep side of the valley. Once a metalled road it had obviously long since fallen in to disuse but a funny strip of tarmac remained down the middle and it was on this we spent the next hour pushing and pedalling up in turn. The summit was a cold and windswept place with spectacular views and the partial descent back down into the sunshine a welcome relief if somewhat hair-raising, brake discs squealing in protest.

Two trails now presented at the bottom and sat-nav seemed unwilling to commit herself as to which one…. the left fork to a bridge which looked like it crossed into a boggy field and the right fork the beginnings of a gravel track into the woods. Both trails headed the way we needed to go, roughly in parallel, separated from each other by 2 small rivers.

Long story short, we chose the right. It should have been the left. It took us less than 10 minutes to discover our error but somehow the idea of retracing our steps seemed a stupid one, after all, they were only small rivers.

Step in Action Man…. as we stood debating the wisdom of trying to cross we were distracted by some loud crashing, splashing noises. Gary was in the river hauling around stones to make a walkway, he then proceeded to carry all our bikes one by one before helping us across. Same process for river number 2. Thirty minutes later we were standing, mostly dry on the other side of both bits of water and right next to the first path that we didn’t take. Somehow the sense of adventure completely outweighed the stupidity of a 10 minute back track.

Anticipation was with us now, it had been a long day but we were nearing the end and, weirdly, nowhere near as bad as anticipated. The last few miles were a steady climb through more sun-bathed fragrant pine forest before an undulating descent into the town of Llangurig. Happily sailing past the campsite on the outskirts of town, a short pedal later and we were pulling, tired, but elated into the car park of the Bluebell Inn our home for the night.

A welcome pint or several, a great meal and no camping. Winner.

The trail: Day Three

Llangurig to Machynllnth

31 miles, 3510 feet of climbing

Despite some serious crossing of fingers day 3 dawned drizzly, but as it was the last of our adventure, spirits were high and we were looking forward to finishing in style. Buoyed by our exertions of the last 2 days and still enjoying the relative freedom of the pared-down kit we fairly flew out of the pub car park, retracing our steps from yesterday for the first few miles to pick up the trail again.

Gates and more gates as we dripped along the edges of farmland before climbing again through fields of sheep and the inevitable poo.

I love sheep and the way they evaluate life and its potential dangers. Little clusters of them would watch us intensely for long minutes as we climbed steadily towards them getting to within feet before finally, one in the bunch would lose his nerve and dash off in panic. Of course the others followed suit but would get tangled up in themselves in their mad-hurry to get away in a noisy thrashing of woolly limbs, a little white tidal wave of bodies surging before us everywhere we went, 0 to 60 mph panic in seconds.

Back to the trail. The rain and mist intensified and for the first time long trousers came out (at least for me) as the temperature dropped. Gaining altitude over the whole morning we squelched across bleak, treeless fields before coming to a loose, slate-covered downhill of narrow single track which Keith was now recalling from the previous journey. It was very gingerly that we scooted and slid our way down the precipitous, shifting slate path, a grass bank towering to our right, a steep drop to the left. It was with some relief that we skidded to a stop at the bottom in one piece only to faced with an equally vertiginous push up the other side.

And the sketchy trails didn’t end there, another cold and windswept area of grassland led to another cliff-like valley edge and more hair-raising single track descents. It required all my concentration and bike handling skills (what little I possess) to navigate the steep downhill slopes of tumbling, loose shale. The panniers’ weight on the rear of the bike added an extra flavour of spice as did the constantly shifting floor beneath your wheels. The only solution was to keep rolling and, in amongst the fear, adrenaline and total concentration there was a huge buzz at the speed and thrill of careening down the hillside, barely in control but flying.

Our brakes were literally smoking at the bottom on the hillside as the pace steadied and we once again hit the tarmac. There was no respite from the hills or the rain however, steep steep climbs on legs that already felt they had cycled far to many miles and we were all feeling the burn and having to dig deeper and deeper on each climb.

After a significant amount of upwards mobility we reached a literal and metaphorical fork in the road. Previously when Keith, our erstwhile planner had gotten to this point during his trip he’d been in severe danger of missing his train home so had had to bail out of the last section and opt for a sprint down the road to the station some 6 miles away. We of course had that option now, to be kind to tired, wet and weary bodies and do the same or……

Bugger, everyone voted to continue the trail. Of course we did, it was only 8 miles after all, just over that ridge over there……!

For the next hour we toiled up a never ending series of steep inclines, first an energy-sucking grassy track followed by a narrow ridge line so steep we were pushing near vertically, struggling for footholds. I was incredibly glad I’d offloaded my stuff but that was the only happy thought that sprang to mind as we cursed and squelched and pushed our way up the ridge, lashed by rain and sliding and stumbling over the rocky ground. Finally reaching the top M announced that, after all that, we’d only covered a measly half a mile, I could have cried.

The only way was down however, via a fast and hair-raising descent along muddy, slippery single track, punctuated by large rocks and larger potholes. I’m going far too fast but so cold and tired now I just want to finish until…. we’re lost. We can vaguely see the direction we want to take through the mist but every path we take the sat-nav says we’re off course unless…. we push up again…..another steep, soggy hillside, another muddy slippery descent and we’re still off course although vaguely in the right direction.

Breaking out google maps we take stock and take shelter from the driving rain. Despite the GPS insisting we’re off course it does at least look like the forest trail we’re now on will get us to a road which will get us to our final destination. A look and a silent agreement passes between us and as one we charge off, bolting down fire-trails and eventually, joyfully finding the road. As it turns out we’re only a mile or so from the original exit point and a soaking speedy dash brings us shivering into Machynllnth, our planned final destination.

Officially the trail ends at Dovey Junction but we’d have to retrace our steps to this point anyway and none of us feels like we’ve missed out. It’s lashing down now and too wet to take a finishing photo as M’s camera has gotten waterlogged and wisely, there are no people about to ask so we squelch to the nearest pub where we are viewed with suspicion as we drip mud, sheep poo and water on their clean floor.

A change of clothes and a coffee is all we manage before thankfully the amazing bike taxi arrives to whisk us back to Kinghton, which feels like hundreds of days ago, not just 3.

Reflecting on the way back to the taxi, trying to ignore the smell of wet, sweaty cycle-wear, I look back on what has been an amazing trip. The scenery and the terrain have both been varies to look at and ride through, demanding and exhilarating. It feels like an achievement and, even more, a real adventure, which at a total distance of 107 miles with nearly 13,000 feet of climbing I can safely say it was.

Would I recommend it, certainly, would I do it again…..hmm ask me later!

In short, what there’s much of:

Gates

Sheep poo

Windmills, forests of them.

Water….. if you’re lucky enough to escape the rain there are still plenty of fords and deep puddles to soak you.

Pushing up hills/hike a bike

Technical single track, climbs and descents, plus a huge variety of scenery, trails and terrain.

Miles, smiles and a sense of adventure.

What there’s not much of:

Spare Oxygen – all used up on climbing!

Shops or humans, once you’re on the trail there’s no nipping to the supermarket for a mars bar. The same when seeking help for injuries or mechanicals problems.

Phone signal, as above. I wouldn’t fancy riding this one alone.

Traffic

Signage, take a good sat-nav/GPS device

For more information on the trail see here

Final thanks go to Keith, Action Man, M and Larry, the best bunch to get muddy and go adventuring with! 

Waterproof socks!

Mountain Bike Touring: The Trans-Cambrian Trail It started with just a small innocuous advert on the message board of my mountain bike club....."planning a trip, anyone interested in bike touring get in touch".

[rachelbolthonoursproject]

Article by Rachel Knight

How to recognise and shift feelings of anxiety

article by Rachel Knight

Sleep and anxiety strategies from a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy session

After increasingly experiencing anxiety* in my day-to-day life, my GP gave me two options; cheap drugs or expensive therapy.

While it’s incredibly frustrating that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) isn’t subsidised in New Zealand for those who need it and can’t afford it, I decided to give it a go in the hopes that the investment would be worth it (brains are rather important, after all). Below are the key points covered in my first CBT session, focused on breaking down how we react to situations and how to shift our thoughts from worrying about sleep.

*In my experience thus far, Generalised Anxiety Disorder has been characterised by near constant physical symptoms of being nervous (especially when trying to sleep) combined with a drop in confidence and perceived control over situations.

Part one: Breaking down our reactions

Our experience of the world is made up of four interconnected areas of ‘being’: thoughts, physical state, behavior and feelings.

Each area influences the other three.

For example, if you have the flu (physical state), you might think more negatively about your day (thoughts), be less kind towards others (behavior), and be generally unhappy (feelings). Or, if you are worried that something bad is going to happen (thoughts), you might pace around the room (behavior), your heart might beat faster (physical), and you’ll feel anxious (feelings).

Although we often blur the lines between these four areas, we need to recognise that they are different so we can identify and address each area.

Reality check one: our feelings are often meaningless

In Western society, we are taught to believe that feelings are ‘meaningful’ when in reality they are just the result of our cognitive, physical, and behavioral reactions to everyday situations. Feelings are easily fabricated and manipulated — the film industry literally makes money from doing just that.

Reality check two: Our thoughts are often untrue

We also tend trust our thoughts to be true, when often they aren’t. Think about this situation as an example:

You see Georgia — your friend’s sister who you’ve only met a couple of times — across the road. She seemed nice when you’ve chatted in the past, but you don’t know her very well. You call out and wave at her, but she doesn’t react.

Here are two potential ways you could react to the situation:

How you feel about the situation, Georgia, and even yourself, will differ significantly based on your own judgement of the situation.

Reality check three: Our feelings can also be influenced by completely unrelated situations

Although we like to make sense of the world by looking for links, sometimes the only thing linking two separate situations is our reaction to them.

For example, if someone had just given you a compliment, you probably wouldn’t think negatively of Georgia for not seeing you — after all she seemed really nice when you met her last. However if you’d just had an argument with someone, you’re more likely to read the situation in a negative frame.

We often don’t know the whole truth in a situation, but with practice we can recognise, assess and regulate our reactions to avoid unnecessarily self-inflicted stress.

When feeling anxious, stop and ask yourself:

What am I (really) thinking about this situation?

How is my body reacting?

How am I behaving?

What am I feeling?

Are these reactions helpful?

Part two: Tipping the scales

Our four ‘ways of being’ sit on a scale, and usually sit together.

When we feel anxious, it’s because the scales have been tipped — our physical state, thoughts, and behavior are all contributing towards feelings of anxiety.

When we recognise that we’re feeling anxious and that it’s not helpful, we often try to change one state, such as trying to ‘think about something else’ or regulating our breathing. However this doesn’t tend to work as our thoughts or behavior will tend to ‘slide’ back to match how we are feeling.

For example: You’re feeling a bit anxious so you go for a walk and do some deep breathing. While you’re taking in deep breaths (breath in)… you start worrying about whether this will actually calm you down (breath out)…because if it doesn’t, you won’t be able to concentrate at work (breath in)…and maybe you’ll need to go home early (breath out)…but you don’t know if you have enough sick leave to do that (breath in)…you get the point.

To tip the scales back into balance, we need to shift two or more of our other states (hence the name cognitive behavioral therapy).

Reality check four: accept what you can and can’t do

If something on your mind is keeping you up, remember that solving a problem while going to sleep is rare, so it’s a waste of time to excessively think it over now.

Regardless of what we often tell ourselves, we can’t just stop our thoughts. Case and point: DO NOT THINK ABOUT A POLAR BEAR. Bet you did, huh? However, we can choose where we put our attention. If it shifts back, that’s ok — just remind yourself that it is a waste of time and shift it back to what you’re trying to focus on.

It can be hard to accept, but you will probably get through the day OK even if you don’t get a lot of sleep.

Exercises to shift your thoughts and behavior

Below are some ways to shift your focus and behavior away from the anxiety.

Complicated breathing Take deep breaths for at least two minutes, while also counting backwards in a different language (e.g Maori) or saying the alphabet backwards. It is meant to be difficult enough to really hold your attention.You could also try doing this while doing yoga.

Focus on your senses Take deep breaths while identifying the following wherever you are:

Look for 5 things in the same colour in your surroundings

Listen for 4 seperate sounds

Feel 3 different textures

Smell 2 different smells

Taste 1 thing in your mouth

This one is great as it’s easy to remember and subtle so you can do it at work, on a bus, or while walking.

Do anything that will hold your full attention Don’t be afraid to get up when you’re trying to sleep — lying in bed worrying won’t do anything. Instead, try:

reading

watching TV

listening to a podcast (try Sleep with me Podcast)

doing puzzles

playing games on your phone

Avoid looking at the clock so that you don’t think about how many hours you have left of potential sleep.

Tell yourself a sleep story Once you’ve started to balance the scales and are back in bed, think back over the details of a recent event, trip, or movie you watched — or make up a story of your own. You will find that your mind will wander, but try to bring it back and go over each scene in order. What did you hear, see, smell, feel — what was said and what happened next? I saw Black Pantha recently and found it perfect for this exercise.

That’s all for now — I hope these theories and strategies might be useful for anyone who’s started experiencing anxiety in their day-to-day life. If you’ve come across any helpful techniques, please share in the comments below!

[bat-noisycherryblossomcolle-blog]

How Do I Lose Weight Rapidly? Three Good Tips

BWC CBD

Besides helping your body remove the old built-up junk and waste, they have several other exciting benefits. Supplements like the fiber and EFA's to feel full and can abide by your cleansing diet. Essential fats help provide an entire feeling whilst nourishing hair and skin. Green superfoods gives much-needed energy during your program. Battles Kids - In the present society, you can find an increasing nervous about childhood morbid obesity. Kids who spend all day indoors sitting with video games and eating junk food are going to become overweight and are usually afflicted by negative health effects. Children's tennis gets them right out of the house and into the new air where they can burn off gram calories. Not only does exercise Improve health overall, it releases endorphins that alleviate depression and bad moods. Active kids are happier males. This connected with work falls short of to be expensive, possibly. If you cannot afford a spa, you should try it at domicile. There are plenty of massage devices that help your body cleanse that do not cost too to a great extent. Body wrap kits could be found and also have long been used their detoxification program. Or you can operate a detoxifying bath with dead sea minerals and essential oils to help your body cleanse and muscles slow down. If ingestion . help but eat a lot, could certainly do so but as soon as a day-and the best time in order for it is in the morning. Eating breakfast plus taking products from New zealand is method of training your body to use up more energy during the first half on the day. Please be aware that metabolism is fastest around 8-10 AM. Gradually decrease the intake with the end belonging to the day. Merely as possible, do not eat after dinner. Your bodys metabolism usually slows down after 6PM. On the other hand, if you are trying to gain weight (especially muscles), do not snack on unhealthy things. You may take weight gain supplements to some pounds on the actual body. Staying hydrated is essential for your General Health, but if you are affected by arthritis, is certainly even more vital an individual keep your hydrated. Doable ! do this by consuming at least 8 large glasses water throughout day time. Walk close to half an hour a rare occasions a school week. This will build up your bone density, which makes bearing weight easier. That's helpful for everyone who in order to offer lift things on normal basis, as well as anybody who has started training with weights. Older people can gain greater minerals inside the bones as good. #4 - Healthy Supplements are taken during weight loss cleansing, for example fibers, EFA's (essential fatty acids), cleansing herbs and possibly even "Superfoods" like barley grass for much more nutrition (don't worry, it is far from nearly as gross merely because sounds). Components taken through out the day to complement the diet and strengthen your body's cleansing computer systems. As a first, we should try to eat a balanced diet with fresh fruit, vegetables and meat. Need to really think about taking vitamins and minerals with the name suggests; that is supplementing our diet not replacing it.

[epchapman89]

The Ultimate Coffee Gift Guide Under $100

The holidays are here, bringing with it the simultaneous joy and burden of gift giving. Now is the time to stock up on coffee-themed gifts for all of your coffee loving friends and family. Because when you give the gift of coffee, you’re really giving the gift (don’t laugh!) of love.

We here at Sprudge want to make sure your coffee gift buying is easy and pain-free, and so in what’s become a much-loved tradition at the site, we’re rolling out a series of gift guides to serve our readers (and their families). Our first guide was all about books, because books rule, but now let’s get into the rest of it.

Is your great aunt Ruth stumped on what to get you this year? Send her this link. Here are ten perfect holiday coffee—and coffee-ish—gift categories for under $100.

Coffee Class In New York City

Get your coffee loving friend/family member something they’ll remember forever: an instructional class and/or event in New York City!

Toby’s Estate Brooklyn can host a private cupping for you and your friends for $75. “We can hold a private brew class just for you and four guests at our Williamsburg and West Village locations. Classes are available Monday through Saturday. You may book up to five people in this class. Classes are 90 minutes.”

Joe Coffee offers a roaster tour and cupping at their Red Hook roasting facility for $75. If you’re traveling from outside the city this gift *will* cost a little bit more, but hey, then you get to visit New York.

Bag of Coffee With Dunkable Ball ($16)

Stumptown Coffee recently rolled out a refreshed packaging look, but they’re bringing back their iconic kangaroo bag for a special Portland Trail Blazers blend collab. This coffee bag includes an actual ball for dunks. 

A Warm Winter Sweater

Tis the season for wearing a snuggly coffee sweater. Cuddle up by the fire and a nice, cozy jumper (that’s what they call it outside the USA) from these folks: Dogwood Coffee Bear Hug Sweatshirt ($30), ReAnimator crew-neck number ($35), Olympia Coffee Roasting Co. gym class sweatshirt ($32), and the awesome/ugly Onyx Coffee Lab Ugly Sweatshirt ($30).

Holiday Blends

You really can’t go wrong with a nice holiday blend, and our partner roasting companies have got a handful for you to choose from: Populace Coffee Joyeux Blend ($19, 12oz), Pilot Coffee Roasters Holiday Blend ($20 CAD, 12oz), Counter Culture Coffee Iridescent ($18.25, 12oz), Equator Coffee Holiday Blend ($18.25, 12oz), Ferris Coffee Winter Avenue Blend ($13, 12oz), Verve Coffee Holiday Blend ($20, 12oz), Reunion Island Coffee Holiday Blend ($20 CAD, 12oz), and the Batdorf & Bronson Holiday Blend ($15, 12oz).

This is just a smattering, just a surface scratching of the wonderful holiday blends available, and that diversity of options means you can buy a blend that suits your family just right. Happy brewing!

Soft Tees

Get your coffee loving family member a nice looking t-shirt from a nice coffee company. We like the Maquina Coffee Roasters “Maquina Bleeds” Tee ($25), which feels like it could be sold at the merch table of a very fun punk rock show. Elsewhere the Department of Brewology Joy Division Tee ($35) directly plays with a fusion of coffee and music themes. DoB are industry design leaders and you may well get stopped on the street wearing this.

Last but certainly not least we’ve got heaps of new Sprudge Tees ($15) in our very own Sprudge Shop.

Gear

Coffee nerds don’t just love gear: they need it to continue surviving as a nerd. Fortunately there’s plentiful gear to be had. Let us recommend a Stagg Kettle ($69), the nerdy Brewista Smart Scale ($99), the beautiful and industry-adored Kruve Sifter ($45), a timeless Cold Brew Toddy System ($39), and for something a little different, the Blue Bottle Waterproof Journal ($19).

Vessels

Every coffee drinker needs something to drink it out of, and we’re big fans of the Flight Coffee Blue Space Person Mug ($17) out of New Zealand, the beautiful throwback Intelligentsia 20th Anniversary Demitasse ($12), the licensed Star Wars line of coffee tumblers from KeepCup—our favorite is the Chewbacca KeepCup ($22)—the stylish Klatch Coffee Glass Can ($7), and the Japanese Phil & Sebastian Kinto Mug ($16.50) by way of Canada.

Clubs, Subscriptions, and Box Sets

Why settle on just one coffee when you can set your loved ones up with a subscription, club membership, or box set? April Coffee Roasters Membership Club (140,00KR) can get you set up with whole bean or capsule coffee from Denmark, Five Elephant Box Set (31.47 Euro) will let you customize a colorful package from Berlin, and the Moustache Coffee Club Subscription (Starts at $26) can get you sorted with weekly shipments of quality coffee from Los Angeles.

Bejeweled Starbucks Tumbler ($50)

Jennifer Lopez has been seen around town with a Swarovski crystal-encrusted Starbucks cup, custom made by Taylor Made Bling Embellishments. It’s this season’s must-have bejeweled coffee product. You can order a custom cup from Taylor Made via their Instagram for around $500 or you can get a similar style: hand-glued rhinestones on a Starbucks cup for around $50 on Etsy.

Drink Some Tea 

Try as we might, mankind cannot live on coffee alone. But if you love coffee it stands to figure there’s a bunch of other stuff you might love. One of those is tea. Tea is good! San Francisco’s Song Tea is home to some exceedingly rare small lot teas that might change how you think about this stuff, with a founder who travels regularly to Taiwan and China on sourcing trips. Prices range from the Song Red ($15), a blend of tea cultivars from Fujian, to the Mr. & Mrs. Chen’s Oolong ($92), a truly distinctive oolong tea from a tiny production husband and wife team from Nantou County, Taiwan, with a dozen or so other teas priced between. Unsure what to buy? Song offers a gift card option as well.

Drink Some Wine

We are pretty strong believers that if you’re into coffee, you should be into wine, too. Wine—and especially wines made in the minimal intervention, no added ingredient style sometimes called “natural wine”—is fast divesting itself from “that Frasier Crane shit” and is today, perhaps for the first time in America since the Gold Rush, a fun and tasty thing for young people to enjoy. Imagine that!

If you’re new to natural wine, and don’t happen to already live somewhere like San Francisco, Los Angeles, New York, London, Melbourne, Tokyo, Paris, Barcelona, or what-have-you, web stores are your friend. We strongly recommend the online wine shopping at Chambers Street Wine of NYC, Domaine LA of Los Angeles, and Flat Iron Wines (SF & NYC). All three of these shops offer gift certificates, and for less than $100 you can gift the gift of a mind-blowing wine experience. Just be forewarned that the ensuing rabbit hole will cost more than $100 in short order.

The post The Ultimate Coffee Gift Guide Under $100 appeared first on Sprudge.

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[josephkitchen0]

Cider Vinegar to Treat White Muscle Disease

By Laurie Ball-Gisch – The summer of 2002 was the first time I encountered White Muscle Disease in our flock of purebred Icelandic sheep. It affected two ewes I had purchased bred in late winter. We were hit hard in early June here in Michigan with severely hot and humid weather. Knowing how selenium deficient our area is, I make sure that our sheep have access at all times to free choice minerals, which I mix with kelp, and we’ve never had a problem with selenium before. However, one day I noticed these two ewes were lying down in the field rather than grazing.

Suspecting selenium deficiency, I immediately gave them Bo-SE shots and started putting extra vitamin E in the drinking water. But as the heat held on and on, both of these ewes continued to suffer. The rest of the flock was fine through the extended heat wave, but we did install large industrial fans in the barn this summer to give the flock relief from the heat. Although these two ewes were still eating, it is obvious in retrospect that their nutritional needs were suffering, and their immune system was compromised. Having not dealt with White Muscle Disease before, I didn’t realize the ramifications to other areas of their health. Because they were still eating, and when checked at deworming times, their tissues were a nice pink (up until August), I didn’t supplement them with grain, which I would do if I ever encountered this problem again.

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By August my ewe named “Libby,” developed bottle jaw just 21 days after the last deworming and also became severely anemic. I immediately dewormed the entire flock, and on checking the rest of them, all were nice and pink and healthy except the two ewes with White Muscle Disease and the ram lamb (twin) out of the other sick ewe. (Another point to note is that ewes who suffer from the heat and are lying down a lot, are not up enough so that their lambs can nurse as they need to, hence compromised lambs). Were I ever to encounter this problem again, I would pull any affected ewes and lambs into a smaller paddock and start graining them. A friend of mine had taken the other affected ewe and her twins and was nursing along the two who were also showing signs of anemia.

My Libby was not recovering from White Muscle Disease, even after aggressive deworming and iron shots, as well as other vitamin and selenium shots. The bottle jaw went away within 24 hours but she had lost her appetite and a few days later the bottle jaw was back and I dewormed with another chemical. Within a week of discovering and treating the bottle jaw, she stopped eating completely, and I was increasingly afraid that she was starving to death. I wasn’t sure what to feed sheep who refuse to eat while ill with White Muscle Disease. She could not be enticed to eat any concoction of corn, grain, etc. By the second week, she could barely walk. Every few steps she had to lie down. It got so bad that she was eating dirt and every morning I expected to find her dead. It got so horrible to watch that I actually mentioned to my husband that I thought it might be kindest to put her down because I couldn’t bear to watch her starve to death from White Muscle Disease and in spite of all efforts I could think of, she was not improving.

Libby at about 10 months of age, she lambed out twins in May.

Unexpected Find

The turning point came when I found time to be cleaning my desk off (rare), and I found a page I had copied a year before from an article in Black Sheep Newsletter about using apple cider vinegar for livestock health (Issue 53, Fall 1987). The article was written by Barry Simpson for Christchurch Press (New Zealand) and reported the experiences Mr. Rupert Martin had incorporating apple cider vinegar into his livestock management practices. The story caught my eye afresh that day, and I started glancing over it and the words “…also beneficial for the treatment of mastitis, anemia, milk fever…” jumped out at me.

I immediately went out and drenched Libby with cider vinegar and water mixed 1:1 using 20 ml per the recommended dosage in the article. The rest of that day Libby refused to eat or move.

The next morning I sent my husband out because I was convinced she would be dead from White Muscle Disease. When he came back in I asked him “Is she dead?” and he said very casually, “She looks fine.”

“What do you mean, she looks fine?”

“She came running to me.”

I thought he was crazy, convinced he didn’t even know which sheep I was talking about. So I ran outside to check on Libby and to my surprise, saw her standing at the mineral feeder. When she saw me she “bbbaaaeeed” loudly and came running to me! (This ewe normally does come running noisily whenever she sees me, looking for a handout, but I hadn’t seen her run all summer, and she hadn’t made a sound in over 2 weeks). Her tongue, which the day before had been gray, was now pink.

I quickly got her some grain, which she gobbled up, and then she trotted out to the pasture to join the rest of the flock. This was the first day in two months that she stayed out in the field all day and I did not see her lie down once.

Libby made a miraculous and full recovery within 24 hours of being drenched with cider vinegar to treat White Muscle Disease. When the weather hit 90+ degrees again in September, she didn’t show any of the previous signs of stiff muscles and upon regular checks, her tissues have remained bright pink/red and healthy.

I immediately phoned my friend and suggested she drench the other ewe and her sick lamb. The next day she called me to say that the lamb was out running and playing with the other lambs and the ewe was up and grazing for the first full day since she had been ill.

We have started drenching our entire flock once a month to improve overall health and fleece quality. During our regular de-worming sheep schedule, if I notice any sheep with pale tissues, they get a double dose. Additionally, I also pour cider vinegar into their drinking water at least once a week.

On a Lighter Note

I’ve read that cider vinegar used in the ewes’ drinking water can increase the chances of having more ewe lambs born. We had a 70 percent ram crop this past year, so it will be interesting to see if that ratio changes now that we are incorporating cider vinegar into our flock health management! You can try this homemade apple cider vinegar recipe on your homestead.

A search of the internet for “cider vinegar” led to hundreds of websites extolling the health benefits of cider vinegar in humans. I remember my grandmother always had cider vinegar and oil at the table to use on her salads and greens. You can even get cider vinegar tablets now if you don’t want to use the vinegar itself! A friend said she puts one tablespoon of cider vinegar with one tablespoon of honey in an 8-ounce glass of water and drinks that once a day to stay healthy, and she’s never sick! My father has been fighting cancer for four years and had developed severe anemia this past summer due to the chemotherapy he was undergoing. At my suggestion, my mother started having him drink vinegar four times a day in water (sweetened with honey). She had been having to give him shots for the anemia and they have now been able to stop the shots, as his red blood cell count is now in the normal range. He no longer has to nap in the afternoon, and he’s keeping busy from morning until evening with his various hobbies and activities.

Mr. Martin’s Original Speech

Following is the original speech presented by Mr. Rupert Martin to the International Congress of Black and Coloured Sheep Breeders in the late 1980s. Unfortunately, Mr. Martin has passed away, but I was able to contact Mrs. Martin through Redwood Cellars and she granted me permission to reprint excerpts of his original speech here:

“My wife Grace and I have been livestock farming for more than 50 years. We run 1000 natural coloured sheep, 1000 white Romneys and 30 head of cattle at our Redwood Valley farm near Nelson. We market all our coloured wool, skins and yarns from our farm. All the products from our coloured sheep are sold directly to the consumer, even the meat.

Cider Vinegar

I was the manager of the company farm in Nelson which took 5,000 acres (2,020 hectares) of waste and scrubland to pasture. We went from no stock to running 6,000 ewes and replacements, which gave us a flock of 12,000 head to shear. We also farmed 2,000 cattle.

With such large stock numbers, we had stock health problems, often in a big way, which were difficult to get on top of. The main problem was grass staggers (U.S.: grass tetany; hypomagnesemia).

I knew cider vinegar was used on horses, but no-one would tell me why. So in desperation one day when I had two young lambs dehydrated and down with grass staggers, I decided to try the cider vinegar on them.

When I told the makers of the vinegar what I had in mind they said to be careful and to dilute the vinegar a bit. I gave the lambs a cupful each and the next day they were up and grazing. So I gave them a bit more for luck.

That was in February. Our summer was very hot and we had drought conditions. Much to our surprise in May these two lambs were in better condition than the rest, except that they had a break in their wool.

This led us to do some trial work. In our first trial, we drenched the sheep once a month from weaning in November to shearing the following October.

We had four groups and kept the wool of each group separate. The wool was all sold by auction, and the wool from the sheep drenched with cider vinegar made NZ$1.43 a head more than the rest. We were getting quite excited with our find but no one would believe us. Still, we carried on using more and more of the vinegar.

At this time I was lambing 2,600 two-tooth ewes and I believed they were deficient in iodine. I mixed minerals in with the cider vinegar and drenched just before lambing. During lambing in previous years I was going around the sheep three or four times a day, and assisting up to 14 ewes per round.

The very first time after we had used the minerals mixed in with the cider vinegar we reduced our problems at lambing down to assisting only two ewes per day. The lamb death rate at birth was reduced by a massive 80 percent. Well this was good news for us, and for the next 15 years we drenched our sheep three weeks before the rams went out, and then six weeks before lambing. We drenched the ewes again three weeks before lambing and found the results were very good. I was asked to speak at the local branch meeting of the Black and Coloured Sheep Breeders Association on stock health. I joined the association and felt I had something to offer.

Cider Vinegar Affects Wool Growth

Stock health problems and marketing of our coloured wools were then the two main problems to deal with. I had a few coloured sheep, and their wool was given to friends and staff. I started using a coloured ram over the ewes, and found that quality of the stock was a problem too. Although some good fleeces were produced, there were many rejects. So I decided to drench every month with 20cc of cider vinegar per sheep. The results were amazing. We shore in May and sold more wool in a day than we expected to sell in a year from our woolshed operation. That went on for two and a half days, and sales have been steady ever since.

We found that the cider vinegar seemed to help disperse the grease in the wool right along the fibre, making it softer and easier to shear.

I still couldn’t convince people that what I was doing was good, so I bought vinegar and gave it to friends to try. It took a long time to get going, but when the news media took an interest it just took off. This spurred me on to do more research. We found grass staggers disappeared altogether in sheep; sleepy sickness was easily cured. Scouring in calves was also easily cured. In fact, any disorder the animals had appeared to benefit from the cider vinegar.

Effects on Skins

When I first started out with the coloured wools, the natural coloured skins had no value. But the first shipment of pelts I sent to be tanned were all stolen. That proved they were worth something, so I kept going. The next shipment got through alright. They were quite easy to sell so we brought in skins and sheep for slaughter. We found we could produce the skin okay, but had up to 30 percent of the skins grading out as seconds. That was too high, with the quality only good to average. After looking through the tannery and inspecting the skins we found that to produce a variation in colours, and to obtain large skins we had to use skins from older sheep.

Then I discovered the skins which I had brought in were not as good as my own. That led me to believe cider vinegar was playing a part in giving us quality skins. Now we prefer to condition the sheep on our own farm before slaughter, and rejects are down to one percent or less. Our sheepskins just sell themselves. With the number of skins we were producing, we had to market the meat.

Effects on Meat

For years friends had been telling us there was ‘something’ about Redwood Valley meat as it was sweeter. No one knew why they liked it but they did, and our customers just grew and grew.

We were now at the stage where we can sell the meat faster than we can sell the skins.

I have found marketing wool, skins, and meat of coloured sheep very easy, especially with the help of cider vinegar. We have to remember in our marketing that quality is the main criterion.”

Conclusion

At the fall shearing, as the shearer was working on Libby, she looked up and said “there’s a break in her wool” and I said that I expected a wool break because of her battle with White Muscle Disease. She asked me how recently Libby had been ill, and I told her just a month ago and she asked me to come look at the wool. She pointed out over an inch and a half of new wool growth behind the break and commented that this was an amazing amount of wool for an animal to grow out in just a month.

For a ewe who had been so sick to make such a remarkable recovery to be able to grow out this amount of wool, while also gaining back her condition, so that she is now in prime condition for breeding is why I call her my “miracle ewe.”

Libby catches the eye of anybody who sees her and her amazing recovery from White Muscle Disease. It may say as much about cider vinegar as a cure as it might about her strong constitution and genetics.

She is in a breeding group now, and I am very curious to see how she will do next lambing season. It’s important to note that she lambed twins unassisted as a yearling and I’ve included here a photo of her when she came to our farm in February.

In addition to the pregnancy, twins and lactating, she herself had an enormous growth spurt that spring and summer. This may have been partially why she ended up [appearing to be] selenium deficient. I am optimistic that she will have no health problems next summer.

The Lavender Fleece Farm and Studio is located in mid-Michigan. We raise purebred registered Icelandic sheep with a special interest in preserving the rare leader sheep genetics of this beautiful, yet very useful and marketable triple-purpose sheep. In addition to shepherding full time, running a full-time business and raising a family, I am currently the President and Newsletter Editor for the Icelandic Sheep Breeders of North America (ISBONA). For more information about Icelandic sheep, please contact Laurie Ball-Gisch, 3826 N. Eastman Rd., Midland, Michigan 48642. 989/832-4908 or email: lauriebg@voyager.net. Website: http://www.lavenderfleece.com

Laurie Ball-Gisch is an artist/educator turned shepherdess. She revels in seeing artistic beauty day by day-In the eyes of her growing children and in her farm. Her current “palette” is a field of Icelandic sheep: a color-balanced painting always in progress, one she hopes will never be finished. A former public school teacher, she yet educates the public about the joys and rewards of raising Icelandic sheep and working their incredibly versatile fiber. “My current curriculum is my farm and my teacher/mentors are my sheep,” she says, “They’re the ones who teach me what it is to be a shepherdess.”

Originally published in sheep! January/February 2003 and regularly vetted for accuracy.

  Cider Vinegar to Treat White Muscle Disease was originally posted by All About Chickens

[quenchmagazine]

Writing in the Ottawa Citizen, food editor and restaurant critic Peter Hum declared that wine and food pairing has “had its day.” “Surely,” Hum snarked, “when every food has been paired with every wine many times over, it’s time to give the thing a rest.”

So RIP wine and food pairing. Thanks for humouring me.

Admittedly, I tend to echo Hum’s sentiments. Don’t get me wrong; I think there are some truly specific — and truly fantastic — wine and food matches (goat cheese and Sauvignon Blanc, Chablis and oysters, Sauternes and foie gras, Port and stilton, Champagne and more Champagne, etc.). Some couplings complement each other like nuts complement bolts. Some offer surprising contrasts, with distinctly different flavour profiles melding together to dance a delicious taste tango. I agree with Hum, however, that things can get out of hand. Either matchings get precise to the point of near impossibility (freshly caught Niagara River rainbow trout must be poached in unoaked Chardonnay from the Niagara River VQA sub-appellation and served with same, with the age of the fish matching within a year of the vintage of the wine), or broad to the point of, well, what’s the point?

While “red wine with red meat and white wine with white meat and fish” is probably one of the oldest culinary rules of thumb, it still might be the most generally reliable. Try that rare grilled steak with a Muscadet or that oyster with some Barolo and you’ll easily understand the merits of “red with red; white with white.” It’s also true that, for the most part, local wines tend to pair with local foods (Crottin de Chavignol and Sancerre, for example). “What grows together, goes together.” (Another handy little saying.)

Where things get tricky is when you try to pair wines to foods coming from countries with no real history of wine production or that use ingredients not typically fused into the gastronomy of wine-producing countries or regions. Pairing wine with Asian cuisine presents one such challenge. The best advice in such a situation might be, “Don’t do it.” But I love a challenge.

While wine production in China dates back almost 5,000 years, most Asian countries have pretty much zilch in the way of a wine industry (snake wine being exempt as it stretches the boundaries of what we might call “table wine” a bit too far). And in case it needs to be emphasized again, sake is technically a beer, so it doesn’t count. It’s true that importing top-flight wines has become something of a big deal in China, but the jury’s still out as to whether these wines are being enjoyed with meals, displayed as status symbols or mixed with pop. In any case, the lack of an Asian “wine culture” isn’t the main reason matching wine with indigenous dishes is a tricky undertaking, but rather, the flavour components themselves.

When it comes to Asian dishes, beverage matching gets challenging simply due to the ingredients being used. Fermented sauces and pastes typically introduce high salinity. Then there’s the (occasionally lip-numbing) spice, and the sweet/sour yin-yang. Combined, they can create some palate histrionics that will send the flavour of almost any wine cowering.

With the possible exception of sushi and sashimi, which tend to be fairly delicate (assuming you haven’t doused it to the point where the dominant flavours come via the salt from soy sauce and sinus-clearing wasabi), most Asian dishes probably play the nicest with beer. But (I know, I know), you’re not big on beer. Fine. Let’s see what we can do.

First things first, as with any cuisine, “Asian food” is not a single dish, so there won’t be a single “go-to” wine (though there might be a go-to style — we’ll get to that). Chinese food itself includes Henan, which differs from Yunnan, which differs from Shanghainese, which differs from Taiwanese and so on. And authentic Chinese doesn’t include chicken balls dipped in a day-glo sweet sauce with the consistency of glue. Japanese, Thai, and Korean cuisine each present more options (and more sub regional variations).

So what will ultimately determine your wine choice will have a bit to do with the actual base ingredient, (e.g., meat or fish) and a lot to do with what that base is being gussied up with (those spices, fruits, fermented pastes, etc.). This isn’t a real radical departure from the usual. A simple grilled chicken breast is indeed white meat, which might prompt you to reach for a white wine. But serve it as Chicken Parmesan, with loads of tomato sauce and grated cheese and you’re likely reaching for vino rosso.

As well, different cooking techniques will open up (or limit, depending on how you look at it) your wine landscape. Wines that work with raw, steamed or poached dishes might not show as well with fried and fatty food. Are you ready for that beer yet?

A quick tour of the Internet (search: Asian+food+wine+helpmeoutwiththis) yielded predictable results, with a zillion sommeliers offering two zillion possibilities. I figured it was time to get a bit systematic, if not scientific, with things. If there were as many Asian wine and food possibilities as there was tea in China (sorry, that was a bit clunky), could I at least isolate some of the most popular Asian dishes and nail at least one popular wine (or wine style) to match, singularly and definitively, with each individual food item? Would one work pretty much with all the edibles?

As much as I was dying to find out, a few roadblocks stood in the way. First, finding authentic Asian cuisine would be a problem. Not so much because there wasn’t any to be had in Toronto, but mostly because I wouldn’t have much of a clue as to what dishes to order (my knowledge of Asian specialties beyond the basics being somewhat — read: completely — lacking). Second, even if I managed to find a resto serving the real deal, the chances of it having much of a wine list would be iffy at best (see my note re: Asian wine culture above). Maybe they’d be authorized for BYOB. Right. A lot of these places don’t even have liquor licenses. Smuggle my own in and hope I don’t get caught? Not out of the realm of the possible. How about just do take out/delivery? This would seem to be the most sensible route. I could pick my own wines and mix and match to my leisure. But nothing’s ever easy, is it?

The wines were no issue. I picked out four based on the Asian food elements I mentioned earlier.

With those criteria in mind, I chose a sparkling Vouvray (the always reliable Chenin Blanc-based Château Moncontour “Cuvée Prédilection” 2011 from the Loire Valley; palate-cleansing bubbles and a hint of sweetness); my “go to” house wine, Cono Sur Bicicleta Viognier 2014 from Chile (exotic and fragrant); a very popular German Riesling (I know, German and popular in the same sentence?), Schmitt Söhne’s Relax Riesling 2013, a Q.bA Mosel that’s light, low alcohol, and off-dry; and a token red, the Nobilo Icon Pinot Noir 2013 from Marlborough, New Zealand (mainly because of the meat dishes). So far, so good. But I still needed guidance when it came to the food to order. Luckily, help was on hand in the form of one of Quench’s contributors, Silvana Lau.

Chinese by descent, she knows her way around Asian cuisine and Toronto’s Asian food floggers. And she’s got pretty much a pro palate to boot. Having called one of the city’s better Thai joints the night before to confirm it delivered, a slight note of panic crept into her voice as we attempted to place an order we had spent a good 20 minutes assembling.

“But you told me yesterday that you did and it says you do on your website!” she countered when told delivery wasn’t an option (throwing me a WTF? look). “Try our second location,” was the helpful suggestion from the disembodied voice on the other end. “I did and I got a voice message about holiday hours — and this is February — can’t you guys just do a delivery?” Lau strained to interpret the Asian/Anglo banter being exchanged in the restaurant. “You will? Great! … What? … Over two hours? … You’re four blocks away! What? You can’t deliver tonight after all?” Bear in mind, this was a Wednesday, hardly a prime delivery demand day.

Long story short, we finally got delivery from another purveyor, a delivery that included: green papaya salad (Thai spicy), Tom Yum chicken soup, green coconut curry chicken (every time we tried to order seafood we were assured the chicken was the better choice; this did not assure us in any way) and Spicy Beef Noodles. We also nabbed a sushi/sashimi platter from a place a couple doors down (not exactly high-end exotic, but beggars, etc.). So, time to get busy. (As an amusing aside, the first place that wouldn’t/couldn’t deliver was suggested as a great Valentine’s Day Thai delivery option in the following day’s NOW magazine. This must have tested a few lovebirds’ patience, if not the strength of their relationship.)

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Observations on the outcome: nothing really worked well with the sushi/sashimi. The bubbly offered indifference (but sort of at least cast a glance at the vegetable maki). The Riesling was too sweet. The Viognier kind of worked, but only to the extent that it didn’t clobber/get clobbered by the food. We had hopes for the tuna/Pinot Noir combo but the raw fish was too delicate. Tuna charred quickly on a grill might have been a good match but as good as the Pinot was, raw tuna was not its pal.

I’ve paired Sauvignon Blanc-based wines to sushi with some success (the herbal/citrus notes seem to mesh for whatever reason). Tonight’s combos, however, while not epic fails, did not inspire. On to the louder, more aggressive, Thai offerings.

The green papaya salad, with its incendiary spice level, not only obliterated the taste of each wine, but damn near cauterized my palate as well. The Riesling put up a fight but, in the end, it went down in flames. What did work well (no surprise here) was a mouthful of cold, hoppy, Total Domination IPA from Oregon’s Ninkasi Brewing Company. The combination of cold/bitter/bubbles and moderate alcohol zapped numbed taste buds back to life. In fact, the beer was the best match for everything … but back to wine.

The Viognier arm-wrestled the spicy/sweet Tom Yum soup into something akin to submission, with the Riesling doing so in a slightly lesser way. The same tag-team countered green coconut curry chicken respectably, but it was a match with not a lot of real excitement, just a kind of grudging agreement by each party not to kill each other.

Spicy beef noodles, on the other hand, killed all the wines dead. Again, the humble IPA took the dish on with easy grace.

Dejected, but not willing to quit, we sealed up the wines and, a couple days later, got out our chopsticks for Round Two: some traditional Korean and Chinese morsels. Thankfully, things gelled much better this time around, largely because the food in general was less spicy. There were still some sweet elements and the heat was there if you wanted it (by way of addition rather than being part of the dish itself), but overall the intensity level was more manageable than the Thai inferno.

Chinese roast pork belly showed well with pretty much every wine, the nod going to the Pinot (though the Riesling was a strong contender — especially when the sweet, sticky hoisin sauce was added to the mix). Succulent roast duck, with its fatty/crispy skin, also took a shine to the Pinot, with the Vouvray working nicely as well (the bubbles washed away the fattiness and cleansed the palate). A very pure and authentic shrimp wonton soup worked nicely the bubbly as well, though the moderate sweetness of the Riesling did an admirable job of cutting through the saltiness of the broth. Beef Lo Mein, a meat/noodle/broth take out staple (though authentic Chinese), also got along well with the Pinot.

Korean dishes including bibimbap (a traditional dish that includes rice, noodles, vegetables, a fried egg, beef, chili pepper paste, and soy sauce) and a kimchi seafood pancake (see Culture Club on page XX for more info on kimchi) also turned out to be surprisingly grape-friendly. The former dish’s mélange of flavours, textures and mild heat provided a perfect playground for the mildly earthy, sparkling Vouvray. The latter intermingled nicely with both the Pinot and the Viognier, with the tangy kimchi weaving exotic flavour tendrils around the fruit core and acidity of each wine (another one of those food “rules:” acidic foods and slightly acidic wines get along — the acids tend to soften, rather than build, on each other).

Verdict: Thai food’s best friend is cold, crisp, hoppy beer. In general, there’s too much heat and too much going on to work with most wines. Go delicate with Japanese sushi and sashimi — light, white and crisp. Chinese and Korean foods seem to be the most wine-friendly, with flavour combinations that are a bit less busy than Thai, and not as volcanic.

Wine and food pairing dead? Nah. It can be a lot of fun to experiment. It’s also a great excuse for exploring ingredients and food preparation techniques that might not normally pop up on your epicurean radar … and washing the results down with a good glass of grape (or three).

Everything you need to know about what to pair with Asian cuisine Writing in the Ottawa Citizen, food editor and restaurant critic Peter Hum declared that wine and food pairing has “had its day.” “Surely,” Hum snarked, “when every food has been paired with every wine many times over, it’s time to give the thing a rest.”

[cygneblanc]

First Month in IB World School - Kolej Mara Banting

Greetings, fellow Earthens. It is I, your local inconvenience, saluting from the middle of nowhere, surrounded by palm trees, and thousand miles away from home 🍇 Kia Ora, people! (Nice guess, but I’m not at New Zealand) Before I start my long rant, I just wanna apologise beforehand with the weird format that I typed my blog with because my laptop decided to be a huge B and won’t connect to my internet. Hence, I’m currently typing this thing on my phone! Not a problem, but it’s annoying the hell out of me haha let’s just move on before I stray away from the topic 🍇 First and foremost! OMG GUYS I SURVIVED ONE MONTH IN KMB WITHOUT ANY MAJOR THINGS OR DRAMA HAPPENED (well few mini episodes but nothing grand that’s cinematic worthy, but oh well moving onnnnn) I, believe it or not, survived the first month without ANY sorts of homesickness, or even any illness (HAH to the doctor that said I need an antibody injection, I. Survived. Without. Getting. Sick.) Of course, the first impression towards KMb was nothing short of a shock. Low-key (I meant high key) regretting for rejecting UNIMAS because I was expecting a UNI life, you know. I want to FEEL LIKE AN ADULT, but lmao guess who gets to be in a classroom and having teachers instead of lecturers and have to greet the teachers every time they come in? (Suck it up, Niqa. It’s called IB world SCHOOL for a reason. It lives up to it’s name.) So yeah, the life that I’m living right now is NOTHING like the fantasies that I used to have about University life. Nothing. Big shout out to Niqa because she never fails to disappoint herself! Woohoo! We have our class from 8 till 3.30, sometimes up till 4.30 if we have some extra remedial or meeting up with the teachers, but I usually just stay at the academic block until 5.30 (because I’m a good girl 🙃 lah sangat) and everything here is pretty much scheduled. So, to say that we don’t have a life, is correct. Like I said, NOTHING like what I imagined uni life is all about. 🍇 Even thooooough, the life here is, lmao to be blunt, extraordinarily lame, but I wasn’t joking when I said I really like it here, and I think one of the main reason (I honestly think it’s the only reason, but lmao let’s pretend I didn’t type that out) that I really like it here in KMB is, the people. The seniors, my batch mate, the teachers (they’re actually lecturers but I honestly have no idea why they insisted on us addressing them as teachers), the staffs, mak cik DS, pak cik guard, and literally everybody else are so amazing. They’re very kind and genuine that it makes me feel so loved and accepted here. It’s weird how so far away I am from where I’m from, but I feel so ‘belonged’ here. And I honestly guess that’s the main reason why I didn’t get any sort of homesickness. Though this place is NOTHING like home, but it feels like a home to me. Their kindness was quite overwhelming in the first place and I was soooo awkward because I’m not used to it and I legit had no idea how to react towards such kindness, but then, slowly I learnt that it comes from the heart. Everything comes from the heart. If the kindness that you received comes from within, then make sure to repay from the within too. It’s so different, (lmao it’s like langit and bumi, honestly) from the people that I died to associate myself with back in Green Road, (I LOVE YOU LITTLE DAREDEVILS AND SATANS WITH ALL MY HEART I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH AND I MISS EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU DEVILS) and I thought that it would very hard for me to ‘fit in’, but how wrong I was. I still remember during the first day of orientation and how I was in TOTAL DISTRESSED because my MARA agreement was apparently incomplete, two of my batch mates came up to me, sat next to me , and just talked to me like I'm one of their friends, and I've never felt more grateful before because it was like the beginning of how my perception changed towards these people. Everyone is just so accepting. It’s partly because how the seniors and the teachers never fail to remind us every time during orientation days, about how we are all now back to zero. Nada. Kosong. And we’re all starting from the same starting point so there really is no one ahead or no one got left behind. We’re a team. Not competitors, and I just really like that concept and how it changes the perceptions that I have towards this people. They didn’t get the upper hands just because they’re from boarding school, they’re just like me, chasing after the same goal. And instead of a huge stampede and massacre, we’re holding hands, and making sure that no one gets left behind, while reaching for the end goal, together. 🍇 Secondly, the culture that they’ve nurtured here thoughhhhhh. Holy cow, I’m so amazed. Can you believe that thievery is unheard of, here in KMB? You can literally just leave your phone anywhere and leave your laptop at the middle of concourse, come back to take it few hours later, and it will still be there, untouched. The people here really respect each other’s stuff and of course, very disciplined and I’m just so amazed. Wow, I’m a part of these people now? Phew, Niqa. You’re amazing. (Let me have this moment, guys. I want to puji diri too) and cases of hysteria is so rare. Wait, if I’m not mistaken, it never happened here before? Like, can you believe that? A college. I heard so many ghost stories of different college that I was kinda scared entering this so called dorm life but lmao I literally have nothing to be scared of. I love how we just sit together every night and recite Ma'thurat in the morning at the surau before class, recite Al Mulk together at night, the solat jemaah, Quran in group sessions. Everything is just so rare for a common student like me from a commoner school. Like wow? No wonder budak mrsm sbp so amazing? What was I doing with my whole 18 years of life? Sleeping while living? I felt so left behind in everything, but then again, like I said, everyone here is so amazing you hardly feel the huge gap that we have. I love each and every breathing creatures there to bits 💜 🍇 HAH I sounded like I’m living the live in KMB and loving it so much, ain’t I? I do, but that DOES NOT mean that I have nothing to complain about here 😭 trust me, I do. A lot. Though I’m trying very hard to stay positive (trust me, I do. Very hard), sometimes it gets hard too. So just bear with me as I list my complaints one by one. 1st : WHY IS THE GIRLS’ BLOCK SO FAR AWAY FROM EVERYTHING? The academic block. The DS. The surau. EVEYTHING IS A 5MINUTE WALK AWAY. I just don’t understand. Why? (But I’m low-key learning to like the long walk because that’s the only form of 'exercise’ I do here. Walk.) it’s tiring lmao bye moving on. 2nd : um, why is eveything and everyone so damn loud here? My heart suffers a lot. I jumped when someone laugh out loud. Trust me, it’s really LOUD AND USUALLY AT LIKE 12 PM EXCUSE ME HONEY BUNNY I WOULD LIKE SLEEP AND NOT HAVING HEART ATTACK WHILE DOING SO THANK YOU, I jumped when the ticker for the prayer time goes off, I jumped when the time indicator bell goes off, my ear buzzed every time aeroplane flew by, I jumped when Salman screamed into the microphone back in orientation days (he didn’t really scream I was exaggerating, but he might as well scream with a voice that loud) heCK I EVEN JUMPED WHEN FATIN TALKED TO ME BECAUSE I FORGOT SHES IN THE ROOM WITH ME. I’ll probably either suffers from a heart problem or hearing problem in my two years time here, whichever comes first. 3rd : life with sensitive skin IS ALWAYS a problem when you’re changing water. My skin suffers A LOT. With tiny red rashes and eczema, I feel like tearing my own skin apart every time I’m taking a bathe. Like do you even Niqa? Cause I can’t even Niqa sometimes. What even. Last but not least, lmao I’m broke af. If anyone feels like doing some good deeds and donating to charity pls feel free to hit me up I’m a willing receiver of your donation. Much love 💜 🍇 Although I would love to rant more, I still have presentation slides to prepare 😭 and a pending mini thesis for PI. I would like to end my blog (so formal, tsk) with a HUGE THANK YOU to my Group 12 members (I love you guys so much I’ve never met a group of people who are so crazy and fun yet genuinely cared for each other like you guys do), the seniors (especially MPPs, you guys made the orientation nights miserable yet memorable 🙆🏻 and the dedications that you guys put into making the nights fun is amazing and I appreciate them all. What an inspiring bunch 💕), my roommate (FATIN ADWIANA MY TEENY TINY HUMAN I love how you’re shorter than me and makes me feel tall JK FATIN I LOVE YOU YOU ADOWABLE LOUD HUMAN), and my classmates M17E (you guys honestly laughed wayyyyyy too much and so rowdy but hey, that’s what makes the class fun 🙆🏻🙆🏻), and the whole 17/19 batch 💜 whatta bunch 💜 With love (so much love, can’t you feel it?), Niqa 🍇 (It’s 'Nee-Ka, not 'Nee-Qo’ , okay? 🙄)