#at least in part because well *vague gestures at eow*

[golvio]

I’m still frustrated that the designers gave Ganondorf this really gorgeous, avant-garde off-the-shoulder look and talked about how he dressed and presented himself to charm people on-purpose, and had the whole Phantom Ganon subplot, and then just…never did anything with any of those.

Like, he never got to feel like he was a coherent character making deliberate decisions based on a coherent personality or interior logic. His poses and mannerisms in cutscenes feel like a lowest-common-denominator grab bag of stereotypical macho “anime bad guy” traits. Even when he was feigning loyalty, there was no manipulation, no fake submission, no sense of him dialing himself back to hide in the background to observe his targets, no undercurrent of venom. Part of that was the English VA delivery: it was all strained, constipated sounding, gravelly attempted contrabass with no range or emotional variation beyond “angry” and “murderously angry and shouting.” But it was also his stiff posing and the total lack of seeing him in any context beyond kneeling stiffly in front of the throne or Murder Mode. As a result, Rauru looked like an absolute dumbass for trusting him instead of being believably manipulated into thinking Ganondorf wasn’t a threat, and Zelda looked like an uncharacteristically meek pushover for refusing to force the issue until it was too late.

And then all the actual manipulation and acting-related stuff was shoved into the character of Puppet Zelda, but then the writers played this incredibly annoying game of footsie regarding whether Phantom Ganon even counts as an independent entity or not. Because god forbid Ganondorf actually directly intervene through an extension of himself as opposed to passively sending out a homunculus minion who just happens to look like him! Because then Ganondorf might have actual unique personality traits beyond Being Evil and Fridging Expendable Hot Anime Moms, and we can’t have that! 🙄

It makes me dread what the scriptwriters for the rumored Zelda movie have planned for him. I’d hate to see him reduced to a boring macho meathead warlord character who has all the subtlety and manipulation skills of a brick to the face. Like, give me at least one scene where he’s standing on the other side of the room as the camera gives him Monumental Horror framing while he gives Zelda a perfectly innocent smile that doesn’t reach his piercing, ever watching eyes as a palpable sense of dread fills the air. If Nintendo has to market him as a sex symbol, then at least give him that cunning, emotional distance, and impish sense of humor that shows he’s more than just a slab of meat, like Jucika if she was a villain instead of a charming rogue. Show him doing his best gormless sexy lamp courtier impression while subtly maneuvering the aristocrats gawking at his body into standing exactly where he wants them to. Have him do the Burgerpants Smile (But Super Evil) when the facade starts to crack but it’s not quite time for the knives to come out just yet.