#at least in order to have the satisfaction of doing something meaningful for ourselves

[ikemenomegas]

given the current state of things in the manga, i think myy oc has to die in shibuya arc so that they wont be left alone 🥰🥰

Ehhh? 🤣 don't you want a more satisfying ending than that?

Hmmm, I get it though. That would be a cute scene, wouldn't it? Cute sad. Satoru gets boxed and myy oc dies in Shibuya, so all those empty looks he gives before the fight with Sukuna feel like he's grieving, and it's a sad timing since he didn't know for almost three weeks? And when he goes to whatever life-flash happens in the afterlife-airport, myy oc and Suguru are waiting for him there together.

Maybe that's what you were thinking of?

How would myy oc die? They're pretty powerful, who do you think would kill them?

[moonkissedvisions]

𝖄𝖔𝖚𝖗 𝕿𝖆𝖗𝖔𝖙 𝖇𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖍 𝖈𝖆𝖗𝖉𝖘 ☾

UNVEIL THE CORE ESSENCE OF YOUR BEING, PERSONALITY, AND PURPOSE WITH TAROT CARDS

Introduction:

We understand all Tarot cards as symbols. They essentially represent different aspects of our lives that reside in our souls and our subconscious minds. When we read Tarot cards, we are reading our energy, we are intuitively looking at our subconscious. We think of them as a mirror that reflects the multiple dimensions of our spirit to help us understand situations much better, and make our life more conscious and meaningful.

What are Tarot birth cards?

Tarot birth cards are symbols that shape our identity and lives from the moment we are born. They are our essence, an energy imprint, or even a map - like a birth chart but for Tarot cards- that can unlock a new understanding of ourselves, and all the potential of our life purpose.

Each of us has a pair of Major Arcana cards that represent our core self, so today I decided to explain all combinations. I explained the cards separately so you can combine them and see intuitively how they play out in your life.

Also, be noted that I only explain the "light" manifestation of each of them. So for example, if it says "selfless" the shadow aspect/backward expression of them is the opposite, "selfish". Or if it says "truth-seeker" its shadow would be "know-it-all". If you are curious about the shadow aspect of your birth cards or anything about them you can send me a question and I'll be happy to help.

Hey, don't forget to check out the awesome video link at the end of the post! It's worth watching if you want to dive deeper into the topic. Have a great time exploring!

Now let´s calculate yours!

and hope you enjoy it *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

How do I calculate mine?

The easiest way for me is to use the same method that we use to calculate our Life path number in numerology:

We add each digit of our birth date

m+m+d+d+y+y+y+y

Example: 11/22/1989

1+1+2+2+1+9+8+9= 33

2. We reduce it

3+3= 6

6 is The Lovers and The Devil (6 and 15).

As you can see, we got a pair of numbers that corresponds to a pair of Major Arcana cards.

important: IF YOU GET A 19, YOU HAVE TO REDUCE IT TWICE AND YOU´LL GET 3 MAJOR ARCANA: 19 (The Sun) -> 1+9=10 (The Wheel of Fortune) -> 1+0=1 (The Magician).

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

1 and 10: The Magician, The Wheel of Fortune

The Magician: This energy has the ability to manifest anything. Your essence is skilled, cunning, tricky, scheming. You posses autonomy and initiative. You are an independent thinker. You have a great potential, but you also put in the work and have a lot of fun in the process. You are diplomatic and you reject bias. Entrepreneur. Self-motivated. You are honest and direct.

The Wheel of Fortune: You are lucky or at least, you know how to feel lucky to attract blessings. You understand the cycles of life and therefore you have the ability to co-create with the Universe intelligently. You often get surprised by the events in your life. You know how to use opportunities in your favor. Manifesting is something that you probably did consciously since young.

19: The Sun (ALSO READ 1 AND 10)!

Adding to 1 and 10 cards, The Sun supplies your soul of creativity, popularity, happiness, honesty, harmony and serenity. You are a good friend. You are loyal and bring harmony, love and satisfaction to everyone´s lives. You are a leader, a celebrity, and people look up to you.

2 and 11: The High Priestess, Justice

The High Priestess: You are sensitive and wise. You are aware of the subtle, small details. You are able to find the point of unity, the basics of the Universe, and you understand how everything is connected. You are intuitive, compassionate, and loving. You excel at anything related to the occult, the mysteries of the Universe and human psyche, and anything related to relationships, unions, and secrets.

Justice: You are unbiased, rational, harmonious. You know what´s right and what´s wrong and trust in natural order and the balance of things. You value truth more than anyone else. You are good with law, philosophy, and karma.

2 and 20: The High Priestess, Judgment

Same qualities above for the High Priestess, combined with Judgment.

Judgment: The Judgment card adds in to the HP themes of awakening, spirituality, renovation. You may be someone who questions the status quo and the established norms and structures. You have the calling to awaken other people so you can rebuild and improve the system. You could connect to different dimensions and be a medium or have psychic abilities. You are otherworldly. You are also highly empathetic and sensitive.

3 and 12: The Empress, The Hanged Man

The Empress: You enjoy helping other people, creating, and giving birth to something. You embody kindness, intelligence, expressiveness, communication and abundance. You are dynamic and could be good at doing many things, you likely do all at the same time. You are good at communicating your ideas with others and you give others creative insights.

The Hanged Man: You are artistic, original, altruistic and idealistic. You see the world from a different perspective and you always contribute with clever ideas. You are witty and have the potential to become a genius. You are generous.

3 and 21: The Empress, The World

Here the qualities of the Empress are combined with those of The World card, so your creativity results in perfection, success, wholeness, finding your place in the world, feeling and being rewarded, self-realization. You are someone generous who help people with their creations and you make them realize their special place in the world as well. You are greatly admired. You are positive about people and life.

4 and 13 : The Emperor, Death

The Emperor: You are gifted with stability, strength, structure and practicality. You are powerful, hard-working and generous. You have integrity and good morals. You protect what needs protection and give structure and functionality to things. You are methodical and pragmatic.

Death: Death combined with the Emperor can reestructure and make radical changes to the world. You know when things need to die and be rebirthed in new forms. You can transform the world with authority, integrity and diligency.

In case you got 4 and 22, The 22 can be considered The Fool. You can either consider the Fool along with The Emperor and Death, or only read the explanation above and dismiss it. If you choose to consider the Fool, read below:

The Fool: I picture it as if you were the Emperor but with a good sense of humor, carefree, crazy, not making sense at times, chaotic, and extravagant. It makes me think of "dad jokes". You do not take anything too seriously. You restructured things spontaneously and the result may not make a lot of sense. Or it could be that you make more of a freedom-oriented restructure/change. You are an innocent and energetic leader. Maybe you don´t even understand why people may see you as a leader or follow you, because you don´t even take yourself seriously and are very disorganized, lol.

(edit): When I was writing about this combo, the new president of Argentina Javier Milei came to my mind. He talks about re-structuring the country, making economic transformations, solving the problems of the economy and poverty, and changing the country for the better. But he also has a silly personality, he's kinda funny and people make fun of him, they call him crazy, they even speculate about him having mental illnesses, and he doesn't make sense to A LOT of people. At that time I was lazy to search for his number but I just did and you know what? He is a 4 and a 22. 😳

5 and 14: The Hierophant, Temperance

The Hierophant: You are a teacher, someone wise who shares their knowledge and wisdom. You are patient, merciful, and modest. You guide others to goodness. You respect religion, tradition and family structures with open-mindedness and flexibility. You see everything as an experience and adventure and you like exploring different philosophies without getting attached.

Temperance: You can adapt to different people, ideas and environments, and you can bring different people together with peace, harmony and respect. You have the ability to solve conflicts. This combo makes a mentor, a guru, or a coach. You are balanced in logic and emotions and you are seen as mature.

6 and 15 (or 33): The Lovers, The Devil

The Lovers: Opposite forces, love, complements. You know how to love, not only other people but the whole Universe. You are a sensual person. You appreciate beauty, art and can excel at many different things. You are a gentle person who is good at making decisions that brings in the frequency of love to your environment. Everything you do is coded with love and passion.

The Devil: You are passionate, magnetic. You border limits. You are highly influential in whatever you do. You can control and manipulate others, which is not necessarily a bad thing, it´s just that you understand human psychology and can easily get the attention of others. With this combo you can captivate, tempt and induce lust and desire in others, so you may be working in art, music, writing, marketing, design, even animation and programming.

I also like to think of The Lovers as oxytocin and The Devil as adrenaline/dopamine. Dopamine and oxytocin together make love and bring new life into the world.

7 and 16: The Chariot, The Tower

The Chariot: You are someone intelligent, energetic, analytic, and introspective, who fights for radical changes and the evolution of society. You are a truth-seeker. You are fearless. You challenge the status quo and strive for spiritual and material progress. You are curious and love to learn new things that can change the world for the better.

The Tower: You mercilessly and strongly destruct what doesn´t serve the evolution of society and humanity. You break the equilibrum to build a better one. You are a rebel. You know that the truth always comes to light, and you also make it happen. You show the world what they couldn´t see and that's why you could be triggering. But it´s for the good. You challenge wrong convictions, judgments and beliefs, and you completely destruct them.

8 and 17: Strength, The Star

Strength: You are someone resilient. You know the importance of controlling your actions, impulses, thoughts, emotions and everything you do with mental strength and intelligence. You know that if you manage your own forces, you can achieve all of your goals and also help others do the same. You are very determined and optimistic. You like to work hard, not only for yourself but for others. You are an example of the word management and you like being in charge.

The Star: You give others hope and enlightment. You are inspiring. You can provide a lot of healing and regeneration. You are selfless and generous. You are strong in faith, and that way you can give others the reassurance that they need. You see the good in everything and that is what helps you get you good results and be succesful.

9 and 18: The Hermit, The Moon

The Hermit: You are interested in seeing what others can´t see. You look through things. You are deeply intuitive and contemplative. You search for answers in yourself by being in silence, in solitude, and looking inwards at your subconscious mind. You are wise, capable of offering advice and solving problems or mysteries. You are the healer who heals yourself first. You are personally uninterested in worldly matters and detached from the material.

The Moon: You can see through illusions and imagination because you connect to the dream realm. You are a good psychoanalyst. You are good with the occult. You are attracted to the unknown. You are a researcher, a detective, a healer of the most mysterious diseases. You are deeply spiritual and adventurous.

Carl Jung had this combo as his birth cards and I think this quote from him really represents it: Who looks outside dreams (The Moon), who looks inside awakes (The Hermit). The funny thing is, I didn´t know he had them when I read it and thought about the cards, but I was sure he had to be and I searched it, lol. I also have these as my cards so...

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

I hope you enjoyed this post and that it was helpful! Thank you for your support and please, keep supporting me if you like this one 🌷

video about birth cards

PAC: Messages from the Divine Feminine

PAC: Healing Messages

PAC: Your beauty

PAC: Your natural gifts

[fake-destiny]

We all need motivation, don’t we?

Motivation has been a crucial part of my life. It helps us on many levels for that it drives us towards a pre-set goal and pushes us to achieve it. But it is hard to attain this skill and it is definitely harder to maintain it. In fact, talking of motivation refers to a wider range of interpretations than people usually assume. It is not just the motivation we seek we are at the gym lifting weights or running that extra mile (although it is just as important in both situations), but it is the fundamental force that keeps us alive. Hunger and fear are among the most recognizable form of motivators; they keep us alive.

 However, it is worth mentioning that there are types of motivation that lead to different types of rewards. In order to avoid making this sound as an educational blog, I will just state the two types with brief descriptions.

 Firstly, the consummatory reward. This is associated with the satisfaction of a basic need like hunger and thirst. As soon as we eat, the motivation to seek food vanishes immediately and the same goes for all of the needs of the same category.

 On the other hand, and most importantly, is the incentive reward which is associated with higher aims and goals. It is satisfied as we are approaching a meaningful goal. This can be understood as the "Why" behind our behaviour. Unlike the consummatory reward that does not decrease nor it is pleased until we satiate our hunger or thirst, the incentive reward is the kind of motive that gives us doses of satisfaction the closer we get to our goal. You can think of it as the good sensation that strikes you when you hit a milestone on the path towards achieving something your aim for. So, generally speaking, mixing them up is not a the best idea. Because if we were to think of our life goals as a meal, and of ourselves as those ravenous beings who are desperate to get a hold of that meal, then we will end up thinking of the journey as something exhausting and effortful. It is important to acknowledge the little spikes of joy that come along with the simple rewards that accompany us throughout the process. This will at least makes it easier to bear the responsibility of pursuing our goals.

 For me, I have always listened to motivational speeches and videos. They are particularly great at reminding you of the goal, because we tend to unconsciously forget our 'why'. We may know it in the back of our minds, but we no longer feel it in our souls. The people in these videos, especially the genuine ones, are good at pointing out the set of common misunderstandings that we share as humans. For example, some of us may believe that one should have no excuses in order to move forwards. Well, they would say that this is not the case. You may have many excuses and they are all valid, but so do I and so do everyone else. We all have excuses to why we 'cannot'. The truth is that we can, if only we really want. This is something I learned for some of these videos. And, to be honest, it is one of those facts that we are subconsciously aware of, but we do not know how to articulate it. So when someone else tells us about it, we cling onto her/his words because they resonate with us.

 However, many of those motivational speakers are just throwing a bunch of superficial set of sentences and words that they believe would get you to do the tasks that you do not want to do. Well, I do not know how to comment on that. I imagine what they are doing is no less useless that telling someone who is suffering, not to be sad or someone whose outrageous, to calm down.

 There are people out there who believe that emotions are a limitations that are built in our nature. There is a bit of truth in that. Showing your fear or vulnerability is not a great idea, because there is malevolence in the world. That said, emotions are in most case the driving force behind what we do. Or maybe the only force behind what we do. I am not the one to say which is which here. I lack the knowledge to address such a complex notion; like the functionality of emotions. However, I cannot stress enough how important it is for us to learn how to motivate ourselves. To motivate yourself, is to master yourself. It means taking on the responsibility of everything related to our well-being as individuals and not wait for others to address our needs.

<<IBAL>>

[independentartistbuzz]

7 FROM THE WOMEN: RED FLOWER LAKE

Red Flower Lake is lush, heady electro-pop. Aloe vera for our dried-out hearts. Sweeping melodies and understated yet complex soundscapes. These songs are open doors to a relationship: two people who know each other about as well as two humans can, singing to the other, about each other, offering a brave and heartfelt depiction of the territories they have survived and navigated together. It’s all here: intimacy and distance, heartbreak and ecstasy. Vulnerability, insecurity and courage.

1. What have you been working to promote lately?

It feels like I have been working on promoting a lot lately (internally and externally). Things like honesty, clear communication, empathy, patience, naming emotions, opening my heart, peace in my family, etc, etc.

But that’s not quite what we are talking about. ;)

I have been working alongside my husband to promote our EP Three Truths as well as an exhibit of our multi-media work at the Torosiete museum of contemporary art - a virtual museum unlike any other. Our exhibit just opened at the end of October and will be open for all of time - as long as there is internet.

Our EP Three Truths consists of three songs, Heart is Breaking, Baby Don’t Go, and Brave. The first two were written when we had super young kids (about 8 years ago).

When we were first considering releasing some songs this past May, we weren’t sure which songs to begin with. We were pretty tired of Heart is Breaking and Baby Don’t Go but also felt like they were worth something, belonged together, and like they might be the beginning of a story. We figured we would see what mixing one of them would do and take it from there. We sent out Baby Don’t Go and after trying a couple different mixers, we landed on Mike Pepe through a family friend named Kelly Musgrave at Linear Management. He did his thing and we actually got inspired enough to completely redo the vocals which was pretty satisfying. I had started voice lessons several months earlier and felt like I had more to offer the song. Once the energy was back in Baby Don’t Go it was pretty exciting to see what some mixing would do to Heart is Breaking. Deciding to release those particular songs really felt like the end of a pretty challenging time. It has been nice to have them out in the world where people might be able to relate to them giving voice to an experience that is painful but also real. I don’t know how many emotions we get away with leaving unturned but I appreciate a song that can help me reflect on a feeling.

Heart is Breaking was the kind of song that was so of a moment, it didn’t feel worth it to try and enunciate the words better or change what I was unsatisfied with after hearing it mixed. I am curious whether that choice will actually impact my satisfaction long term but, so far, I have found it both surprising and amusing that putting something out into the world that is a little bit vocally unfinished doesn’t bother me at all.

As for Abel’s vocals though, they are straight from the heart. They are also his original vocals. I remember when I first heard them I felt a lot less significant as part of our musical duo. He just put it all out there and it sounds so good. Heart is Breaking speaks to the experience of wanting love even though it seems to always end in heart break. An experience that, as a young parent, felt very prevalent.

Brave to me is all in the title. My setup is such that if I want to play around on the keyboard with a feeling I’m having, I still need to pull up ProTools and title the session - even though I don’t know what I am going to play which is the case a lot. Often when I am sitting down to play music, it is to explore something in my mind and on my heart and in this case I wanted to be brave about that exploration so I titled the song Brave. Brave is about sticking around and being present to see what is true even if it is scary.

All of the songs I write are deeply personal. In the past, it has sometimes surprised me that Abel would even touch the material, considering how blatant it is but I’ve learned that I’m not the only one in the relationship that sometimes feels paradoxical and complex feelings.

Having made music together for such a long time now without releasing any of it, we are both really excited to share more of the story and more of our music. It feels like an epic tale that is still revealing itself in real time. Three Truths feels like the beginning of a bigger message - this first message being “Damn this is hard but relationship is sort of like that sometimes”.

2. Please tell us about your favorite song written, recorded or produced by another woman and why it’s meaningful to you.

Sade’s Smooth Operator. There are a lot of songs and a lot of reasons why to pick them but this one pulls me right back to a time in my life when not a lot of things were easy but at that moment, the house was warm, the whole family seemed happy and there was an abundance of food. I was maybe 5, my family was living with my great aunt and her daughters who were at least ten years older than us. We were all still getting used to living together and my family was still getting used to living in Va after moving from New Mexico. When Smooth Operator came into my awareness, it was the day after Thanksgiving and there was a bounty of leftover mashed potatoes, peas and onions in cream sauce, and stuffing that needed to be eaten. While we formed those leftovers into little balls and baked them, we were introduced to that song. I think we may have listened to the whole album a couple times through but we named our food creation after Smooth Operator and it is one of the special happy memories I have from an amazing but also pretty heavy childhood. Throughout my childhood from then on, Sade was a voice I leaned into. I remember one night my twin sister and I lay down in the dark of her empty room in middle school and listened in consecutive order through Diamond Life, Promise, Stronger Than Pride, and Love Deluxe on our tape player to the light of a big moon. One of my all time favorite nights.

Smooth Operator felt like a warning. Like watch out girls, they’re everywhere. The first song of their first album. Her voice was always my reference. I wanted my voice to sound like hers. I wanted to make songs like hers - with a point, with heart, and with a voice you want to listen to. Smooth Operator is our family anthem, made so by a moment we all recall fondly - an odd anthem perhaps but my family is as odd and as amazing as they get.

3. What does it mean to you to be a woman making music / in the music business today and do you feel a responsibility to other women to create messages and themes in your music?

Having an opportunity to use my voice as a woman at this time feels very special and important and I hope that I am doing my part in honoring the power of the feminine, and the important work of keeping it real in all my relationships at all levels.

I work to be authentic and express as clearly from my heart as I can. Making music - making art,  is a way for me to connect with my emotions, my inner wisdom, a way to express those feelings, ultimately it is a way to communicate something that means something to me. I recognize that this is a potentially self indulgent process and I pray that my purpose of honoring the human experience and reminding us of our power is conveying.

It is important for me to be super honest because there are so many feelings I have felt ashamed of and wouldn’t even admit to in the past that I am now realizing are actually just part of a human experience. Honoring and expressing my truth thus far has been a thousand times more empowering than the results have been of hiding from my truth as a result of believing I should be ashamed of my feelings and for believing in my worth - what I know is true in my heart. Denial of my truth has wreaked havoc in my life and it isn’t worth another moment of time to feed or encourage such disempowering paradigms.

I recognize that we all have a lot to heal from and a lot of healing work to do individually and collectively. I think a large part of that healing work is around being brave enough to honor our feelings, identifying their source, and getting empowered to speak/know/honor our truth - a truth that is both unique and valid.

Perhaps if we are able to honor ourselves in this way, we will be able to hear each others’ truths with compassion, recognizing ourselves in each other's struggles.

A big step for me in my healing journey has been accepting and being willing to hear and honor my own truth. No more wars - internal or external. When I am not fighting myself, I am one less person who is fighting themselves and that is extremely motivating. I think all of my fighting ultimately comes from internal conflicts so I might as well start with that and find some way to work that stuff out. I have been working on not making other people the bad guy but, if I see ‘bad guy’ out there in the world, to note that I see a reflection of parts of myself I still am in a healing process with.  

I am not sure what the depths of our world’s healing will entail but I know my responsibility is to my own healing and it is empowering to own that responsibility. I pray we all honor ourselves like the magnificent and unique creations we are and honor ourselves like we are somebody’s child who adores us. Even if we can argue that our parents did not or do not love us, there is still and always will be immense love for each of us in the vast universe and from our mama earth. We are worthy of our best life. In fact. I think it is the only sustainable future.

My responsibility is to honor and stay true to my truth.

4. What is the most personal thing you have shared in your music or in your artist brand as it relates to being female?

All of the songs I write are extremely personal and expose my deep internal struggles. But I am okay with being a voice and a sound. Being an image has not been easy. Learning to embrace my face, my body, my movement, my inner style, etc, feels much more exposing and personally challenging. The entire world of what is sexy, what is beautiful, what is inspiring, what is useful, etc. has been out of reach for me since forever. I find that the more I turn toward my spiritual truth, my spiritual purpose, toward awe and gratitude for the children in my life, the more permission I have and the more energy I have for exposing my physical person on a true and personal level. What feels beautiful, what feels empowering, what feels good and right?

I have in the past, been absolutely disempowered around beauty and sex that I feel like only now am I getting access to any answers internally about what is beautiful, empowering and what feels good for me. I am a mother and it is important to me that the children in my life have examples of real women and men in their lives who are empowered and strong and honest- not because of our physical form but because of our clarity in purpose and our open hearts.

I know the sexiest thing a person can do in my heart/ mind is their inner work, get straight with themselves about what they are doing here and live and breathe their purpose.

On the level of the eye, I think playing with what my spiritual guides have to say to me at any given moment feels the most appropriate and fun. I’d rather be in a conversation with them about physical expression than with old paradigms of sex appeal and survival on this physical plain.

5. What female artists have inspired you and influenced you?

Oh my goodness, So many. I really believe that the unapologetic art of all women throughout time has molded me as part of the collective creative conscience. Art begets art.

I come from a family of bohemian artists and I would be remiss in not honoring them particularly and their absolute influence in my life. Their authentic expressions have absolutely shaped and inspired me and I am so grateful to each of my family members for their conscious participation in living their best lives.

My highschool teacher and friend Zap McConnel reinforced and added to what my family already inspires in me. She was my first real mentor and example outside of my family in living a life of integrity and breaking the molds of our boxed beliefs.  

And Beatrice Ost. She has been part of my family for a long time but it really wasn’t until her grandchildren connected with our kids that we became better acquainted and, just as kids tend to do, through our children we have been led into a most beautiful and inspiring relationship of collaboration and inspiration. We wouldn’t be where we are now without her and really everyone in the world. The ripples are real.

6. Do you consider yourself a feminist? If so why and if not why?

I consider myself a feminist because I believe in the unique and essential wisdom of the feminine and its absolute importance in the balance of life. I could also consider myself a divine masculinist but that movement is really in conjunction with the healing of the divine feminine. It is for all of us to heal from this woundedness - not just women.

There is no denying that women have been oppressed for millenia - longer than any other human group except children - and it feels important to me to keep raising the collective awareness to the long lasting effects of oppression that continue to weigh on the lives of everyone. If mama is oppressed, everyone is oppressed because if mama is oppressed she does not have the power she needs to stand up for what she knows in the depths of her heart - to care for the hearts of her family and that kind of pain and injury is passed down a long way.

I have been considering the narrative of our media history around witches - how they have been conveyed so terribly in our social history. I am interested in those stories from the witches’ perspectives. I’d love to hear the backstory of Ursula the deep sea witch in The Little Mermaid. It seems to me that she may have wanted to say something to someone… An easily identifiable sentiment for most human beings at this point. There can be no more pretending how much we have all suffered because of fear and domination. I don’t think we need to gender specify suffering generally but just like with race, it is true that there are some significant stereo types that have been disempowering for a long time.

We are still living in the antiquated world of shame about menstrual cycles for God’s sake! It’s bonkers. I can attest that this particular gift has felt like a burden in this worn out world of 9-5 schedules and limited sick days and - if any - and our basic needs for survival are not cared for enough so that we don't even know this immense gift as an honor. But as we each recognize our person as an immense gift and when we honor ourselves and each  other as such, we change the world.

I am a feminist and a masculinist because I strongly believe that each of us as individuals needs to feel empowered as part of something larger than just our individual egos. Each of us is essential and honoring our unique gifts will and does heal our world in deep and profound ways. Each of us knows something, has a purpose here that needs to be respected by everyone. Men and women both would benefit from honoring the feminine in all that is and vice versa. It is a balance and as long as the balance is off there will be a need for feminism. And just as much there is a need for honoring the divine masculine. It truly is a matter of balance - one that needs support internally and externally as individuals and as a collective.

7. What was the most challenging thing you have had to face as a female Artist?

The most challenging thing I have had to face as a creative being is myself. My own pride and jealousy, self doubt, and a need for external approval have kept me from taking risks, whether it is going into action or taking a nap. Everything I did or didn’t do was based on what I thought somebody else might think which gave me very little room for actual self expression. Giving myself permission to exist independently of other people’s approval and trusting the creative flow has been a matter of challenging oppressive systems - both external and the ones and the ones in my head that I have defended as part of a fear based world. As I continue to grow wiser and my body becomes more of an ally for my heart rather than a sculpture project, I find myself in battle with old paradigms around self image.

It is an interesting time to be alive and I have lots of hope for us as a collective as I continue to break my own belief systems because if I can do it, it can be done. Breaking out of old and limiting beliefs, considering new paradigms, recognizing my inner/outer calling and prioritizing that calling beyond all else has been liberating and empowering. My dream is that all our dreams come true. I know my heart is based in love and that all the struggle has been for learning. This knowledge has helped me come to terms with trauma but I would say I think oppression is systemic and the more we can break free of our own excuses and reasoning to defend oppressive systems, the more swiftly and easily we will transition to a new world. I am more than happy to be inviting in a paradigm of inclusivity, kindness, inquiry, compassion, and honesty. An undeniable breath of fresh air from so many oppressive paradigms past and present.

Listen to “Three Truths”

Connect with Red Flower Lake online via:

https://www.redflowerlake.com/

https://www.instagram.com/redflowerlake/

https://www.facebook.com/redflowerlake

https://twitter.com/RedFlowerLake

[yupuffin]

Why You Probably Think Nezumi’s Hair Looks Silly

(and why it’s probably not as bad as you think it is)

In the past I’ve written a few anime analysis posts with varying degrees of seriousness. My last post along these lines was not the most lighthearted read, but fortunately, this time around, I spontaneously got an idea for a less serious topic to write about. I managed to keep up with the anime JUNI TAISEN: ZODIAC WAR right on the tail end of its release, which I believe was crucial to my ultimate enjoyment of this series. What I did not manage to do was predict that Nezumi would end up my favorite character (although I’m certainly not complaining, given, for one, how much inspiration his narrative has given me for analytical posts such as this one).

Like most other viewers, I comfortably got to know Nezumi over the course of the story, but when the episode that focuses on his backstory rolled around, I was not sufficiently prepared for the most dramatic reveal of all!!: his true... hairstyle?

As usual, an obligatory warning for spoilers under the cut.

Let’s face it, the assumption that, under all of that armor, Nezumi is just a plain grey-haired anime boy is completely reasonable based on what we see of him i the first eleven episodes. Sure, we see that the armor on his head is shaped rather oddly, but -- I don’t know about you, but I merely assumed that its sole function was to provide a visual pun in reference to his zodiac animal and ability: the protruding portions are shaped like rodent ears, and match nicely with what I would guess is an ear cover shaped like a computer mouse (haha -- because of Hundred Click, and because he’s a rat). Alas, how very wrong I was, because it turns out, that part is actually --

...A HAIR PROTECTOR?

Okay, back up for a minute. What’s the deal with this?

As it is without the fwooshes (as I affectionately call the longer, flowing, reminiscent-of-rodent-ears portion of Nezumi’s hairstyle), short, solid-colored hair is a pretty typical style for any generic anime character, and based on what we can see when Nezumi is wearing his very stylish armor, we don’t really have any reason to think to ourselves, “Oh yeah, I bet his hair totally fwooshes out under those rat ears,” because we’ve never really seen it before -- or, if we have, characters with simple, short hair like you’d see on a normal person are much, MUCH more common. So, since that’s the basis of information we have to refer to, that’s what we conclude, and we never really give it a second thought until finally, in the very last episode, we see Nezumi in his civilian garb, and his hair, is in fact, very much not normal.

(Granted, there are slight visual indications of the presence of the fwooshes even when Nezumi is wearing his armor, or even the hooded sweatshirt he dons in the ending animation, but since we don’t have the expectation that there’s any ornamentation there to begin with, they are very easy to miss. That’s how the human brain works -- we tend not to notice things that we don’t expect to be there. This is effectively supported by one of my favorite studies of all time, which involves an animal whose close relative also participates in the Juni Taisen.)

Because Nezumi’s hairstyle is highly unusual and blatantly contradicts our expectations, it’s a big surprise when it’s finally revealed. From what I can tell based on the posts that were floating around on Tumblr, as well as other platforms, on the same day that the final episode of JUNI TAISEN was released, the overall response was one of shock. I recall reading the consensus that Nezumi’s hairstyle was thought of as “silly” (heck, I even said out loud to myself as I was watching the episode, in spite of how emotionally attached I was starting to get to him, “that looks stupid!”) and I distinctly remember reading a post that simply told Nezumi to “get a new haircut.” Again, given our previous assumptions and conclusions, this reaction is understandable. For eleven episodes prior, we got used to seeing Nezumi in cool-looking warrior armor, which, despite his meek disposition, makes him look strong and capable in battle on the outside. Hence, the flowing, delicate, arguably more feminine silhouette given by his everyday appearance is incredibly incongruous.

As anyone who has seen KADO: The Right Answer (another of my favorite anime to analyze, so shameless plug here) can certainly argue, properly executed surprises evoke a strong emotional response from the audience, and the artists behind JUNI TAISEN definitely did not design Nezumi thinking that the audience wouldn’t be at least a little bit surprised when they grew intimately familiar with an armor-clad Warrior of the Rat who was then revealed to be a normal schoolboy with strangely fwooshy hair in his everyday life. Hence, the pronounced and highly specific emotional reaction the audience experiences upon this reveal was evoked intentionally. However, the function of this response changes depending on your particular experience of the series.

The anime JUNI TAISEN: ZODIAC WAR is based on a one-shot manga released in January 2015 titled “The One Wish That Must Be Granted, and the Ninety-Nine That Can Be Done Without,” which, as you can probably guess from the shared name, encompasses what is essentially the exact same story retold in the twelfth episode of the JUNI TAISEN anime; hence, JUNI TAISEN functions as a sequel to the original manga, despite taking place beforehand from a chronological standpoint. As a result, the original manga is all about Nezumi; the readers have no previous experience to refer to when first diving in -- not even any background on the function of JUNI TAISEN in its dystopian society, or who any of the other characters are. In this case, Nezumi’s hairstyle does not exactly function as a surprise due to this lack of background. Instead, the added visual interest of Nezumi’s hair fwooshes make him less plain and more interesting to the reader. With normal hair, he would just be another main character anime schoolboy, and, because of his lack of other redeeming or heroic qualities (which makes him such an intriguing character in the narrative of a battle royale), there would not be much about him to make him memorable to the reader. (What he does have going for him is that his plainness and his general ambivalence towards the high school experience makes him particularly relatable to anyone who has also gone through that sort of thing.) Perhaps, in the case of the original manga, Nezumi’s hair was indeed simply an attention-grabbing visual quirk added mostly as a shoutout to his signature animal, the rat.

On the other hand, the JUNI TAISEN anime seems to be written under the assumption that the viewer is not already familiar with the original one-shot manga, hence the surprised reaction to Nezumi’s hairstyle reveal. This response adds some emotional interest and investment to an episode that would otherwise start out in a rather mundane fashion, and probably have the viewer thinking not much other than “Okay, here we go with yet another character introduction. I wonder what he’s going to wish for? Maybe, instead of watching, I’ll space out for the duration of the episode wondering what I would wish for.” This would be in stark contrast to the backstories of some of the other warriors, which tickled our emotions by making us feel for them to varying degrees. However, by instantly giving the audience a new, unexpected cue for a pronounced emotional response, Nezumi’s character design makes the viewers more emotionally vulnerable in preparation for the figurative roller coaster that is the twelfth episode. One of the major factors in my falling in love with Nezumi was the poignant expertise and effectiveness with which the narrative of “The One Wish That Must Be Granted, and the Ninety-Nine That Can Be Done Without” was composed to evoke very particular and measured emotional responses in the audience. We feel our pulses quicken as Nezumi frantically deliberates about which of his ninety-nine wishes would be the best one; our hearts sink when we witness Nezumi cry for the first time, begging that his one desire is to forget his experience of 139-plus horrifically violent deaths; and finally, we feel catharsis when Nezumi shows us his first smile, as though there was nothing more he ever wanted in the world.

Now, if the viewer was spacing out throughout this whole episode, none of this would have anywhere near as much of an emotional impact. Hence, as silly as it might look, the “surprise” factor behind Nezumi’s unusual hairstyle is actually critical for ensuring not only that the viewer is paying attention, but also that their emotions are activated and prepared to be fully invested in the story -- a necessity to experience full satisfaction at its deceptively meaningful conclusion.

And once you’ve recovered from that shock, maybe you’ll be like me and start to think that Nezumi’s hair actually looks kind of pretty.

That’s all I have for today on that subject! I hope you enjoyed reading this much more lighthearted analysis post. If you find this type of writing particularly interesting, feel free to take a look at some of my other anime analysis posts you may like. A few of them are linked in various places throughout this post, but here they all are in chronological order for your convenience:

 Why I Love Nezumi (and the ending to JUNI TAISEN in general)

 The Meaning of Meaninglessness in JUNI TAISEN: ZODIAC WAR and KADO: The Right Answer

Deus Ex Machina in KADO: The Right Answer, part 1

Deus Ex Machina in KADO: The Right Answer, part 2: Yaha-kui zaShunina as the Tragic Hero

*slaps roof of KADO* this bad boy can fit so much meaningful dialogue in it

JUNI TAISEN: ZODIAC WAR: Remember to Die

You can also find all of these by browsing through the “anime analysis” tag on my blog.

Additionally, my ask box is always open if you have any questions, want me to clarify something, have an idea about anything else you want me to write about, or if you just want to give me an excuse to gush about Nezumi for a little while!

[ardinifauziyyah]

Saving Myself from Myself

A month has passed since the new year. I have many resolutions. But believing myself that I can be a productive person from day 1 (without strong motivation, when there is actually nothing I really need to do since I've graduated from college but haven't got any job) turned out to be a mere wish :')

The first half of January 2019 was not good. I still wake up late. I haven't been able to do fitness regularly. I started to perform Sunnah prayers, but not as many as I planned. All I do is wait for a job call, eat, play games without purpose, eat, sleep, and nothing much. I had become more and more like a lump of flesh without purpose. I started to question myself, that I am not good enough for my family. I started to lose hope.

It was only after the first half of January 2019, I finally have better days. It was lovely. I managed to what I need to do the most: apply (properly) for jobs, doing meaningful and happy things while waiting, and I even got called for an interview too!

So I want to share you my experience on how to escape that 'hell', to come to a better place and live happily ^^

Beautiful mind helps you see beautiful things. In my experience, it is a beautiful mind that helped me to go through such a hard phase in life.

It is interesting, that this beautiful mind only came to me at the time where I have no more faith in myself; when I realized that I can do nothing more. It is a perfect time to realize that we are basically unable to do anything if not for the permission of The Almighty God, Allah SWT.

I realized at that time that I've been neglecting too many prayers and connection to Allah when I put too much focus on searching for a job and other stuff. I live with an empty heart, messy thoughts, soulless body, and it worsens every day.

I think of myself as a failure, such a sinful soul should have no chance to repent for her sins and correct them. But Allah is The Most Merciful. It is even said that if you are able to think about forgiveness, it is the prove that Allah still loves you and open the door for forgiveness.

I started to do prayers on time, more frequently, and be more sincere about it. I deepened my bond with Allah and have faith in Him. Slowly, beautiful thoughts start to linger inside my head. The beautiful minds start growing inside of me.

At that time, my heart became at ease; so peaceful. I have more positive thoughts on my head; more hope. I believe that everything happens for a reason and it was meant to be, including my life. Following them was a big bundle of acceptance, love, and confidence for myself too.

In order to prove myself--to myself, I do various things. I try to be less depressed, I learned to be less cruel to myself when I haven't got any job call or failed on recruitment. I started to do little things that make me feel loved and well-cared: have a shower, eat fruits, reads, apply for jobs like there are still many hopes (:'p), playing games once in a while for recreation, and do better on praying. Every time I completed a task or a good whim, I appreciate myself. It is a great way to boost my confidence.

A beautiful mind is what helps us see the goodness inside of us. That goodness can always be saved. That goodness can also save our self in the time of chaos. That goodness can help us believe that the world is not cruel; to believe that God is certainly not cruel, but The Most Kind and Righteous. He kindly prepare us for what we'll encounter later when the time comes.

Later on, that beautiful mind also leads me to a great epiphany.

On one fine morning, 31st January, I went out with my mom and dad. It's a daily schedule to drop my mom at the campus where she teaches Architecture, and I go with my dad to accompany him wherever he goes. Better go out than to lock yourself in a room, right? At least I can have more chance to learn something.

On our way to campus, my mom asked me about what I had been doing recently. Because I had been having a right mind the past day before, I can answer nicely about what I've been doing: I have applied for many jobs, I read, I trained for a psychological test, I did some online test for a job, etc.

And then my mom replied,

"Great! You're being proactive!"

I thought, "Yeah.., I did.., Wow..," and then it occurred to me at that instant, "Hey, why not!"

At that time, my mom's words have risen a deeply buried motto from the bottom of my unconsciousness. It was the motto I used 5 years ago. The one that changed my life upside down (to a better one) at the beginning of my colleague.

BE PROACTIVE

It was the first rule I learned from the book "7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens". It lured the opportunity to land straight in our plate. Why? Because we are the one who aims for it when it drops. It gives us full control of our life that will bring us great satisfaction of ourselves, boost our confidence, rekindle our hope, and more great things to come.

After that, I started to mention that motto again, loudly, in my mind. Just as I thought, living with that motto again on the last four days of my life had been so wonderful! Odds just more frequently came to my side. Such as a job interview for the next Wednesday (Alhamdulillah.., I will prepare it the best as I could).

I thanked Allah for the great epiphany I encounter that morning. It is true that only by the blessings of Allah we can strive in this world and feel peace. After this, I do hope to see more lovely things to come.

Lastly, I hope this post gives a great influence on those who read them. Moreover, I hope this post also acts as a reminder for me to always return to Allah, be proactive, and never lose hope!

[thedragonflyandthereed-blog]

Struggles Seem To Sting More With Experience Posted on August 23, 2018 Reed and I have been ‘at this’ for a long time, though I suppose that is a relative statement.  Let’s just say more then 5 years, less then 10 if you need a calendar timeline. An emotional timeline is far more difficult.  I’d say some days it seems like forever, and other days it seems like we are still wet behind the ears. Only, we are not wet behind the ears, those days seem to have been easier in comparison to now.  The first few years were a real eye opener personally.  There was a great deal of inner growth, realizations of why I hid, or didn’t recognize who I was.  Revelations flew at me at a rapid pace back then.  Things were and still are a bit slower in that department for Reed.  Perhaps it is a male/female difference, or perhaps it is the fact that I had time to prepare for my outing and his every move has been scrutinized since day one, thus leaving him very little time for self discovery because his concentration has been on leading.  But, I digress….. I have come to realize many of us are in similar situations with our dynamic..  The longer we live this life, the more we come to rely on our significant other to provide what we expect from them, based on our history within this dynamic.  This isn’t to say we shirk all our responsibilities.   Self improvement, and drive still has to exist, for both parties, but at least for myself the expectation is so much greater now for him to be proactive, to maintain, to alter the course.   The satisfaction of shooting for the moon and landing on a star seems to diminish when you have landed and walked on the moon.  I don’t believe this means those of us who feel this way are all ungrateful or demanding, it merely means our expectations have grown due our life experiences with this.  Once upon a time many  might have read about others and wished/hoped/desired for a life  like that.  After experiencing it, whether in pockets or constantly, longings change from what others have to what we had, (even if the time has only been a week or so at a time) when we struggle.  Once awakened to a better relationship, or perhaps just a deeper connection in an already good relationship, speaking from a female subs point of view anyway, you can’t unfeel that. Gone is the hoping we could be that some day – changed to knowing we have been that. And quite frankly for me it is like an intoxicating drug.  The freedom found in living such an unguarded existence is too incredible for me to accurately express in words. So, where do Reed and I find ourselves currently? Hoping the cloud cover will blow past so we can even SEE the moon to shoot for.  Sometimes the upheaval of schedules due to summer vacation is to blame – but our expectations are that we have lived this life for so long, that should not happen.  Now we find ourselves in a spot where the reason  for this endless loop ( it has been a few months now) is more important than where we are.  There are still stand alone instances of D/s but it doesn’t feel like it is an undercurrent running through our relationship at the moment. HOW did this happen is  the burning question.  There were no outward distractions, greater than normal anyway.  There was no illness, or life getting in the way.  It appears it was just US.  Pressures,  and  expectations….one feeling they need to rely on a person for something they feel they are refusing to deliver upon in a meaningful way….the other feeling fearful for reasons the first does not comprehend. Communication they say is key.  We communicate so differently now then we did 2 years ago, and completely differently then we did when we began. The depth of communication, and yes expectations from communication has changed.  Both of us  expect more and instantaneous results from our conversations.  Sadly that doesn’t always happen. Some days it feels like there is little point to conversing, afterall haven’t we both said the same things a hundred times before?  Reed’s answer to that statement, ” Then we shall say them 101 times”. It has been my experience that this dynamic doesn’t get easier as we cross off days on the calendar.  The struggles or the reasons behind the challenges  on the surface appear to be similar to ones we started out with in the first few years , and to a degree they are.  What is different is knowing; knowing you can live, feel, experience a different degree of life with your significant other.  There is a longing to reach back into the past and relive that time.  There is a confusion on how on earth you stumbled AGAIN.  It is so much more than merely opening Pandora’s Box. There is a part of your soul that has been touched so deeply you cannot deny its existence.  You hold the key to that, but you need the other person to turn it; to unlock the final piece.  And the thing about this dynamic which many don’t realize, you need them to unlock it over and over again. For some that may mean every day.  For others once a week, or month.  I believe our personal histories before our relationships and within the context of the dynamic plays a pivotal role in how often we find our lock needs to be opened.  I know personally I do far better if Reed props the ‘door open’ but honestly often he has to pull me through it in order for me to feel it is okay to be there. Once there I am generally good for staying put…until I am not. Lately I have felt as if I have been pounding from the inside of a vault and the other side can’t make out the sound. I just want to get back to the track we  were on.  It wasn’t ever perfect, but it was heading in a direction of great promise.  When we are where we find ourselves now I begin to question whether what happened was real, or if I read too much into it, to make it what I needed it to be. I suspect we will be fine, we always end up having another pocket of connection.  I just grow weary of all of the time clinging to the memories of our past and waiting for them to be our present again.

https://thedragonflyandthereed.wordpress.com/2018/08/23/stuggles-seem-to-sting-more-with-experience/#comments

[monawriter2020-blog]

How to Get 48 Hours Out of Every Day

There are 24 hours in a day, of which the average person spends eight hours at work and eight hours sleeping...

That makes 40 hours per week of free time that you can do with as you wish during the workweek plus an additional 32 hours of awake time on the weekend.

The average person actually spends twice as much time away from work than at it. So what should you do with all that free time? Over 72 hours a week in all!

First, you should realize that most successful people do not work forty hours a week. So you may start by applying at least eight of those 72 hours toward your work or furthering of your career.

If you have your own business, it will be easy to spend an extra eight hours of work productively. If you work for someone else you can take work home and show your boss you put in the extra effort that others do not.

Better still, you may want to use this extra time to start a business of your own...something that fits in with your hobbies and can be fun as well as profitable, like baseball cards, or model planes.

You could start a mail order business, or maybe a part-time consulting practice to sell your knowledge half day leave application for urgent work.

The possibilities are endless; and if you spend enough of your extra time developing them, you may well find you create another career for yourself. This is how many successful companies originated.

At least one hour a day should be spent in furthering your knowledge of your business or industry through reading, courses, and seminars. This takes another seven hours from your free time but still leaves you with over fifty-seven free hours.

A minimum of ten to fifteen minutes should be spent on planning for the next day. Reviewing your plans for the day should be the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do when you leave work at the end of the day.

You still have over 55 hours of free time to spend as you please, but rather than continue eating into your free time, let's take a look at how you can better use your work time.

Work Time

Many people complain of a lack of time to do all the required daily business tasks. The best way to resolve this is to plan your days in advance, in blocks of time, hour-by-hour, minute-by-minute.

By writing down how you plan to spend your time, you will instantly become far more productive. More productivity means more money and more success.

You must use your time wisely. Time is the only thing you have to sell to your company or business. How much of the time you spend at work is really spent working? The truth of the matter is very little of it is spent working effectively.

Instead, you probably spend the day as most people do: writing memos, shuffling paper, and putting out fires.

Here is a simple eye-opener that will let you see just how much work you are really accomplishing. Show up at work tomorrow with a stopwatch and write down how you spend your time in five-minute intervals. Keep the sheet and stopwatch in front of you at all times.

As you start each new task, write down on the paper what that task is and start the stop watch. As you change tasks -- phone calls, interruptions from co-workers, etc.-- write down what the new activity is and how long you spend on it.

At the day's end, write these four key headings on a separate piece of paper.

1) Meaningful work

2) Wasted time (this includes interruptions, unimportant phone calls, etc.)

3) Dealing with problems.

4) Low priority/low return work.

List underneath each of your headings the tasks you have dealt with that day. Then add up the total time spent in each category.

Now you will have a shocking picture of just how few of the hours you spend at work are spent on high-priority, money-making, or goal-oriented tasks.

Instead, what you will probably find is that looking for information, interruptions, and wasted time are the winners in the battle for your precious time.

Develop a Time-Efficient Environment

This means to have all your tools and resources in working order and at your disposal. More time is lost through inefficient paper management and searching for misplaced documents than through any other cause.

Make a habit of keeping all your work areas and desks free of all paper except what is needed for the task at hand. When you are finished with the work at hand, immediately remove it, mail it, file it, trash it, or do whatever action is applicable, but do not leave it on your desk.

Start Each Day With a Clear Plan

If you truly want to get the most out of every day, it is essential that you begin each with a clear plan. I usually plan the next day's activities the night before. Take a day planner and write down all those tasks you want to complete the next day.

Write each task down and number them in the order of importance. Start with the most important task and stick with it until you have finished it or reached the point you wished to reach for that day. It gives me great pleasure and satisfaction to line out each task as it is accomplished.

After an overall list of tasks for the day, I plan the day's specific activities in 15-30 minute intervals using a daily planner. Plan all of your meetings and phone calls.

Set a time limit on meetings, especially with people who are not paying for your time. Stick as closely as possible to your timelines.

If you schedule 15 minutes to talk to an advertising rep, then let them know that is all the time you can spend with them. They will make their points faster, thus allowing you to save time.

As you near the end of your allotted time for a given task, give a two minute warning. Try to bring your business to a close quickly and efficiently.

Write Things Down

Keep a pen and paper by your phone. I can hardly believe the number of businesses I call only to be asked to hold while the person finds a pen and paper.

A pen and paper are the world's most essential business tools, and you should NEVER be without them. I keep my appointment book open on my desk and keep notes as I speak to people. I note why they called and how I am supposed to follow up.

In that way, I have a record of the time, date, and purpose of their call so I can refer back to it if necessary at a future date. I also always write a person's phone number under their name. In that way, I never have to search further than my appointment book for names and addresses.

Don't Waste Your Time

Treat each minute as the valuable and precious resource it is. Every single person in this world starts out each day with the same amount of time in which to accomplish tasks and objectives. The only part that differs from person to person is how that time is used.

Successful people try to squeeze every second of opportunity from the day, while those at the lower levels simply waste it away.

If you want to make $100,000 per year, you must make $40 per hour. That is .66 per minute! If you spend 20 minutes on the phone talking to your buddy down the street about Monday night's football game, you have just wasted $13.20 of your valuable time.

If you spend an extra half hour at lunch, you have just lost $19.80 of your time. Once lost, time can never be regained.

The next time you find yourself involved in a time-wasting activity, ask yourself this question. Would I pay my buddy down the street $13.20 in cold hard cash out of my wallet, right now, to listen to me talk about last night's game?

The answer, of course, is no. Yet, that is what you are doing. Wasting $13.20 of your cash, which should be dedicated to reaching your goals and serving your clients or business.

If you are working on a project and are interrupted by a call that takes ten minutes, it often takes another ten minutes to get back to what you were doing. Instead of being interrupted twenty times a day, schedule 30 minutes a day for returning phone calls that are not urgent.

These are calls from friends, salesmen, or other people who are not actual clients. Your time at work is far too valuable to allow constant interruptions. By setting a specific time, it also eliminates wasteful phone tag.

Let's say you wanted to make $60,000 a year, to do that you must make $5,000per month. This works out to be $1,153 per week, based on a 48-hour, six-day week, which we will say is typical for most successful people.

This breaks down further to be $192 per day or $24 per hour. You now have a powerful tool to help you reach your goals. You know exactly what you must make each and every hour that you are working in order to reach your desired income level.

Now let's see which of your daily tasks really produce that desired figure of $24 per hour?

Advertising your business or yourself to others.

Increasing your inventory of skills

Marketing yourself to others

These are tasks that really could produce $24 per hour. Good advertising makes the phone ring. Selling, whether it's a direct sale of your products or getting someone to give you an interview for a better job, definitely pays off.

Marketing keeps people involved in your life and brings new blood in the form of contacts and prospects. Increasing your skills makes you more valuable to yourself and others, and this will pay off quickly.

Then, of course, there are the tasks that do not produce $24 per hour.

Paying bills

Ordering inventory

Typing letters

Adding to a database

I am not suggesting that any of these things are not important to the overall success of your business. Rather, I'm suggesting that you can find someone else to do these kinds of tasks for just a few dollars an hour, allowing you to focus on the important high-return tasks.

The Greatest Word in Time Management

The simple act of saying, "NO," will save you more time, energy, and effort than you can ever imagine. In an overexerted effort to try to please everyone, we often find ourselves taking on more and more responsibility, activities and stress.

At some point, you simply have to say, "NO, I am sorry but I can't." Try it; it's not that hard, and the people asking get over your refusal very quickly. In fact, they are already calling someone else.

Put aside X amount of time in your weekly plan to help your church, school, community, or friends. Once that time is used up, it is gone, and there is no more.

Remember the words of Napoleon who said, "You can ask me for anything you like... except my time."

[gamerszone2019-blog]

Telling Lies Review - Peering In

New Post has been published on https://gamerszone.tn/telling-lies-review-peering-in/

Telling Lies Review - Peering In

There’s an intrinsically guilty draw about looking into the private lives of others–a burgeoning curiosity that pulls humans to tell stories, to gossip, to spy on one another. The psychology of that feeling is at the heart of Telling Lies, a game that really isn’t about much more than watching the intimate communications of other people. The game leverages a human desire to pry into others’ lives, and that feeling that we’re doing something wrong helps to make the draw even more powerful.

That feeling is how Telling Lies gets away with being a video game that doesn’t really contain much of a “game,” per se. As with its predecessor, Her Story, director and writer Sam Barlow lets the idea of uncovering the sordid details of someone else’s life lead you through the experience. Where Her Story was something of an experiment with the idea–you skim through a database of unordered full-motion video clips that slowly expose a mystery concerning a woman who was questioned by police–Telling Lies is the larger-scale execution. There are more characters, more videos, and more details to uncover. The question of how much you’ll enjoy Telling Lies is very much linked to how far your curiosity will carry you.

To that end, there’s no good way to explain what Telling Lies is about without ruining it. The game starts with a clip of a woman returning to her apartment and plugging a hard drive into a computer, which gives her access to a secret National Security Agency database of videos snaked from the Internet; essentially, a series of Skype or FaceTime calls made or received by a man named David. As with Her Story, the reason those videos are worth perusing, and why the privacy of these people is worth invading, is something you have to glean for yourself. As the title suggests, not everybody is fully honest with each other, and much of the game is a meditation on the deceptions humans employ every day in all their interactions. The face we show one person is different from the one we wear for another–and even what we tell ourselves is potentially suspect.

Uncovering the lies and the reasoning behind them will likely keep you pretty well enraptured through the game’s eight or so hours of video, especially in the early and middle portions when there are plenty of revelations waiting for you to unearth them. Nuanced performances help in that regard as well, even though the actors are mostly just staring into cameras and emoting. You’ll probably recognize the members of the strong cast, led by Logan Marshall-Green (Prometheus, Upload), Alexandra Shipp (Dark Phoenix, Love, Simon), Kerry Bishé (Halt and Catch Fire, Narcos), and Angela Sarafyan (Westworld, American Horror Story). It’s not hard to imagine Telling Lies as a Netflix show if it were presented a little differently. The game part of watching all those videos–and there are a lot of them, upwards of 160–usually is found in figuring out what you’re not seeing or hearing in each one.

All of Telling Lies takes place on a computer screen, where you can dig around on the stolen hard drive for additional context (or even play Solitaire), and poking around a bit gives some handy facts about what you’re viewing. In order to make sure this particular NSA Big Brother program passes Constitutional muster, the videos can’t be watched chronologically. You can only search for a clip using keywords, and when you uncover a conversation, you can only see one side of it at a time. Watching each clip is a chance to learn more about the people in it–but you’ll also need to pay close enough attention to figure out what words to try next that will help you uncover more of the story, or what words the other person might be using so you can track down their side of the interaction.

That system is nearly identical to the one in Her Story, with a few improvements. In Telling Lies, you can scrub through videos at various speeds by dragging your mouse to the sides of the screen. You’ll start each video at the keyword with which you found it, so discovering context requires you to dig further into every video. Each selection also includes subtitles, and you can click any subtitled word while watching to use it as a keyword, making searching around a little easier–or allowing you to chase down a thread as soon as you see it.

As noted, Telling Lies is an expansion of the ideas inherent to Her Story, and so it includes a lot of the same high points–and drawbacks. It’s very much a title in which you need to make your own fun. Uncovering interesting tidbits about the characters or finally drawing a connection between one event and another is satisfying, but that also means that the “game” part of Telling Lies largely exists in your own mind. There’s little to push you forward other than your own desire to know more, and you’ll largely create your own objectives and climaxes in the form of “Aha!” moments along the way.

The disjointed nature of the story also means that it’s up to you to impose your own structure on it. Telling Lies doesn’t have easy-to-follow traditional storytelling elements like a rising action or climax. It’s possible (although really unlikely) to spot the final video in the sequence immediately after watching the first. Filling in the gaps is part of solving the mystery, but at the same time, Telling Lies pretty much ends when you get bored of searching or hit a wall and can’t come up with any fresh keywords. A timer running on the screen lets you know how much of the in-game night you’ve wiled away with your inquiries. The game implies you’ve only got until dawn to find everything you can before you’re inevitably snapped up by the authorities for stealing the database. But come 5:45 a.m., the timer stalls (or at least, it did after I hit the button ending the story once and then loaded an earlier save to dig around some more). That allows you infinite opportunities to keep searching, but it also seems the ticking clock is more a contrivance than an actual system, so again, you’re not actually working toward anything other than your own satisfaction.

That’s never more true than when you trigger Telling Lies’ ending, essentially by clicking an “I’m done” button as dawn approaches. Though you’ve dug through what is (seemingly) an illegal NSA database and your arrest is likely imminent, you get only a vague sense of what the information is for and what you’re doing with it now that you have it. A final report that gives you a sense of how much of the game you completed and what most often drew your interest gives some suggestion of your character’s final actions, but you’re not compiling the raw data into a clear story, nor are you really leveraging it against the powers that be that are hunting you. Depending on which of the characters’ videos you saw the most of, you’ll get one of three endings that explains the aftermath of the two years of events you’ve just witnessed–but that’s it, and it’s unsatisfying to just see one conclusion of several intertwining narratives. And in the end, you’re just watching videos, making connections, and then turning the game off.

It’s in the ending that Telling Lies feels a bit undercooked. The mechanics, writing, and performances create a real feeling of peering into someone else’s private world all the way through, but the game doesn’t give you much in the way of agency, especially if you endeavor to uncover every single video. Telling Lies never really answers a fundamental question raised by its very nature and structure: So what? The game’s final report seems to suggest that you’re taking part in crafting a narrative as a viewer, as if the act of uncovering and watching these videos creates a complete, subjective narrative for whoever sees them next–but you’re only a passive part of that process, and you don’t know you’re taking part in it until it’s over. The game might be telling you that you’ve had an effect on what someone else might see, but you don’t get a chance to actually make any decisions in that process, or to separate truths from deceptions; you only get to watch.

The mechanics, writing, and performances create a real feeling of peering into someone else’s private world all the way through, but the game doesn’t give you much in the way of agency.

Telling Lies offers you the opportunity to delve into the intimate connections between people, to uncover who they are possibly to a deeper extent than even they realize. The production values and performances in particular make Telling Lies feel true and immediate, elevating the game’s conceit that you’re taking part in something forbidden and possibly sinister, even as you work as a digital detective. In that way, it’s contemporary and meaningful as a game that uses interactivity in a unique way to explore how we relate to one another. But Telling Lies struggles to find meaning in that exploration. Its interactivity is only skin deep, like the lies its characters tell one another. As a further expansion of Barlow’s ideas about what games can be, Telling Lies is a success. It’s unfortunate that, in the end, it doesn’t further embrace its interactive possibilities.

Source : Gamesport

[temptation-narnia-chronicles]

From Upon the Golden Thrones

Episode 6: Marco Polo

      Cair Paravel was undoubtedly beautiful; it was a statement that was hard to argue with, what with it's marble floors and winding staircases and intricate stained glass windows. The longer the Pevensies stayed there, however, the more they became aware that, though gorgeous, Cair Paravel was outrageously large. At first, this didn't seem to be much of a problem. It just meant that there was endless space to explore and endless rooms to discover. It wasn't until nobles from neighboring lands began visiting more frequently that they realized finding everyone in such a large space proved rather difficult.

      "I think it's time we established some sort of unifying call" Peter announced in a meeting one morning. "We desperately need some way to find one another, especially when King Lune and his men arrive." The coming of the Archenland nobles was a topic everyone had grown rather tense about in the coming days. The rustic little country had historically positive ties with Narnia but after what happened with Lord Lemuel and the Maldonadians, any visitors were worthy of suspect and caution.       "Is this really that important, though, Peter?" Edmund asked. Apparently he hadn't really grasped the concept of how massive Cair Paravel really was, or perhaps he was just biased because he had eyes on every room in the castle. Despite early objections, after him and Sallowpad's success in discovering Lord Lemuel's devious plans, the just king's spy corporation took off without a hitch. It's funny how people are far more accepting of ideas when they discover meaningful uses for them.       "Ed, think about it: you remember what happened when Lucy went to Galma. We spent hours searching Cair Paravel for her thinking she was just playing some game of hide and seek" Susan explained. Out of all of her siblings, she was certainly the most enthusiastic about Peter's plan. She had faith in her brother that he and the councilmen would come up with something brilliant-- something that didn't involve using her horn for the stupidest, most mundane purposes. After all, Father Christmas had said to use it only if you were in danger, and Susan was a woman of lawful pursuits who planned to act strictly by that instruction.       "Well what do you suppose we ought to do? And are we all expected to just come running the second someone signals us to? I rather like being able to do my own thing without being beckoned every second for some little royal pow-wow" Eilonwy added flippantly, leaning back in her seat. Peter shot her a grimace, furrowing his brows and pursing his lips.       "I expect you to cooperate" he replied. "King Lune's visit is insanely important and I want to make sure we can find some way to gather ourselves when need be so that he thinks we are a civil and orderly country that knows what we're doing." By now it was wildly apparent that this visit was of Peter's utmost concern, and for good reason. Though they had already made an alliance with Galma and found an enemy in Maldonado, those were with lords and dukes. Now they were entering the big leagues, finally meeting with another king. It was no secret that the Pevensies were young, children even, and deep down, Peter's biggest fear was that King Lune was not going to take him and his siblings seriously. He was terrified of what the Archenland ruler would think of them.       "How are we going to signal each other, though?" Lucy asked. Her mind was already swirling with ideas that she was excited to propose.       Over the next few days, as the kingdom prepared for the neighboring nobles, the Pevensies tried every tactic under the sun to locate one another. Flags only worked when they were within each other's line of vision, especially when outside but only at certain distances. Horns were useful until they weren't, as Narnian criers were already avid horn users and it quickly became difficult to differentiate the two. Carrying horns around all the time became quite the nuisance, anyhow. Lights had the same issue as flags, only being useful when you could see them. Tensions thickened as the arrival date of the Archenlanders grew nearer and nearer and the young kings and queens were running out of plausible ideas.       "Maybe it'd be best if you all just stay together at all times" Eilonwy finally suggested, playing solitaire on the balcony table. Her focus on the cards plus her rather indifferent tone proved that the only reason she offered was in hopes of shutting everyone up. Even though it wasn't even her problem, the daily test runs were really beginning to wear at her sanity.       "Try to sound a little more careless, Ellie" Peter rebuked.       "What are you playing, anyways?" Lucy asked, approaching to peer over the huntress's shoulder.       "It's called solitaire. Do they not have it in your world?" Eilonwy replied, eyes still transfixed on her game. Lucy furrowed her brows.       "I think so. It sounds familiar" she replied. "What's it about? How do you play it?"       "It's all about rearranging cards and running through the deck. Gotta stack cards in descending order and alternating suit until you draw an ace, then you make a pile and start stacking cards in ascending order there. It's simple, straightforward, and the best part is that it's to be played alone" Eilonwy explained. Lucy nodded and stepped back a few paces, searching to her siblings for a valid response but found none in their faces. It wasn't that Eilonwy meant to be harsh to Lucy specifically, she had just grown rather aggravated and had a hard time restraining it, even from people whom she never intended to direct it towards.       Later that night, Lucy sat upon her sister's bed as they braided each other's hair before bedtime. "Susan, do you think Narnians have the same games that we do in London?" she asked. She had been thinking a great deal about games ever since she saw Eilonwy playing tat card game, and hoped that perhaps there would be more games her friends here already knew.       "I don't know. Obviously they have hide and seek, and now we know they have solitaire" Susan replied thoughtfully. "Perhaps when things finally settle down, we can ask around?"       Lucy nodded. "I sure hope things settle down soon. We've been so busy!" Susan immediately agreed. Their coronation was only a few months ago and they had already had so many adventures already. It was strange to think that this was only the beginning. Though they didn't say it aloud, the two queens universally understood that deep down, they both prayed the rest of their reign wouldn't be nearly as overwhelming.       As the sun stretched across the country, Lucy sat upon the balcony with a deck of cards trying to untangle the complicated game Eilonwy was playing the day before. The huntress had made it seem so simple and yet the valiant queen just couldn't seem to figure it out. More than anything, she was becoming impatient with the monotomy of repeatedly filtering through the deck with little success. With a huff, she leaned her chin into her palm and stared out upon the Western Woods beside her. It was then that she noticed something in the distance, what looked to be a caravan surrouded by guards upon horses. Lucy may have had trouble grasping the concept of solitaire but this scene was something she understood immediately: the Archenlanders were here.       In one swift movement, Lucy leapt from her chair and slid through the large double doors, weaving through aisles of bookshelves and into the hallway. Horns blared from the parapets and yet somehow they didn't seem as loud as usual, echoing through the halls softly so that one who wasn't paying attention might mistake them for a simple hum in the air. I'm sure they're all already up there waiting for me, Lucy thought to herself as she sprinted toward the gates. Much to her surprise, however, the entrance to Cair Paravel was completely barren. Her siblings were nowhere to be found. Panic rose in her throat as she feared the worse: what if these visitors were really unexpected invaders? What if she had just put herself at the forefront of a large and nasty battle? Despite the potential exhilaration of such an idea, she would've much rather found her family already gathered and awaiting her.       As the caravan grew closer, at least Lucy was assured the group was none other than King Lune and his men. They did not approach maliciously but rather slowly and perhaps in what Lucy might describe as a wobbly fashion. They were carefree and jovial in the way they moved but not in the same obnoxious way the Maldonadians seemed to.       The gates swung open and a crier stood guard as he annonced King Lune and his men. A whale of a man stepped out of the caravan followed by a rosy cheeked young woman whose hand he took as she stepped down upon the soft Narnian grass. Lords gripped the reins of impatient horses from behind and it was then that Lucy realized just how awkward all of this was. Where is everyone?, she thought frantically, glancing behind her in hopes that perhaps they were rushing up through the hallway this very second. Instead, emptiness. Lucy's cheeks burned beet red as she turned back around and flashed a cheesy grin at her guests.       "Good day, little one" King Lune greeted, bowing as low as his belly would let him. "Are you here to escort us to the kings and queens?" Lucy shook her head.       "Actually, I am the queen" she corrected, and found great satisfaction in the surprise on the king's face.       "I knew these new Narnians were young but I didn't know they were this young" one of the Lords murmured to another, though he didn't seem to make much of an effort in keeping his voice down. "Say, child, where are the real kings and queens?" the man then asked, staring Lucy down.       The valiant eyed him suspiciously, slightly insulted by his implication that she was not who she said she was. "If you give me just a moment, I'll get them for you" she replied with a devilish half-smile. Turning her face to the sun, she cupped her hands around her mouth and did the only thing she could think of to get everyone's attention: she screamed at the top of her lungs. But she didn't scream just anything. She had been so preoccupied with fun and games the past couple days that she yelled, "Marco!" as loud as her lungs would allow her in hopes that perhaps her siblings would reply back appropriately.       "Pete, did you...did you hear that?" Edmund asked from the grand hall. Peter barely raised his eyes from the stack of paperwork before him, replying with a disinterested grunt.       "Hear what?" Susan asked, peeking up from her book.       "Well...this is going to sound crazy but...but I swear I just heard someone scream 'Marco'" the just replied.       "Marco...?" Peter asked, finally lifting his gaze. Edmund nodded. "Like the name?" Edmund nodded again.       "We don't know any Marco, though..." Susan replied quizzically. She furrowed her brows and tried to decode the message.       "Unless..." Edmund stated. The cogs in his brain began to turn until finally, everything clicked. Leaping from his seat, he darted toward the doorway and screamed at the top of his lungs, "Polo! Polo, Polo, Polo!" Peter and Susan met each other's eyes in serious confusion before silently agreeing they ought to follow him, then rose from their seats and did just so. Edmund led them all the way down the hallway and slid down three flights of stairs before skidding to a halt at the entry gates. It was then that Peter and Susan understood what was going on.       "What a delightful entry!" the stout man replied, clapping his hands joyfully.       "K-King Lune!" Peter exclaimed, breathless. "On behalf of my siblings and I, we're terribly sorry for our belated welcome. We ought to have been here the moment you and your men arrived!"       Despite Peter's fears, King Lune just chuckled and patted the boy on the back. "It's no trouble at all, my boy! No trouble at all! I understand these things happen. Nothing to fret about. You must be High King Peter, right?" Peter nodded, dumbfounded, before remembering he was a king and straightening his back. "Pleasure to meet you, son. And you two must be Queen Susan and King Edmund, correct?"       Susan nodded slowly, just as shocked as Peter at how casual their guest was. She bowed her head and curtsied politely, in hopes it would help her save face. Edmund, however, thought this was all great. He had never met a king before but he was happier than ever that the first one he did was so jolly and cavalier.       "And this" Peter then spoke, "Is our youngest sister, Queen Lucy the Valiant." He rested a hand on his baby sister's shoulder but she simply stood there with her arms crossed and a smirk on her face as if she was hiding some delicious secret.       King Lune simply laughed and nodded. "I know: we've already met. She was the only punctual one of the four of you!" At this, the rest of the Pevensie's faces turned bright red, all glancing to Lucy in embarassment. She simply flashed a wide grin at them and then excitedly ushered the Archenlanders inside, enthused about showing them their castle.       "Did you even hear the horns sound?" Susan whispered to Peter as they rushed after their sister. The High King shook his head.       "I ought to have a talk with the criers when this is all over" Peter whispered back. Susan nodded, then sighed.       "Well, it could be worse."       "How so?" Peter inquired.       "At least Eilonwy didn't show up." Susan's words stung but deep down, Peter knew there was an ounce of truth in them. If they were to have any real hope of allying with Archenland, they needed to focus first and foremost on their presentation before the king and queen. Eilonwy was not particularly the most sightly when it came to royal affairs, and so despite Peter the boy  wishing she had joined them, Peter the king understood the benefit. He wasn't sure where the huntress was or what she was doing, but he'd make time to find her later. Now, he had more pressing matters to attend to.       As the day progressed, the Pevensies learned more and more about their Archenland neighbors. King Lune was the kindest and most benevolent king they could ever imagine, a fat, happy man who seemed to take quite a liking to these young monarchs. His wife, Queen Aria, was quiet and tender, following her husband around with a soft smile constantly painted upon her face. To Susan, she was everything a queen ought to be and the gentle admired her greatly, aspired to be like her, porcelain faced and soft spoken and sincere. As the boys retreated to the sparring grounds that afternoon, Susan invited Aria to join her and Lucy for tea during which the three queens greatly befriended one another.       "Peter, my boy, you have quite the arm there!" Lune remarked, catching his breath as he eyed Rhindon in the young king's hand. The blade glimmered in the afternoon sun, freshly cleaned.       "Thank you, sir. I learned from some of the best" Peter replied, eyeing Oreius nearby as he fought with Edmund on horseback. However, the centaur wasn't the only one who taught him well. Eilonwy's absence was beginning to weigh on him-- he thought surely he'd find her here of all places, bounding about the lawn with sword drawn in wild abandon. King Lune detected the distraction in Peter's face, however, chuckling softly to himself before straightening his back and lunging his sword forward. Peter gasped, quickly ducking out of the way before tumbling back against the wall.       "Something tells me your teacher influenced more than your swordsmanship, Peter" Lune remarked with a chuckle. The High King blushed, his heart racing in his chest. Lune smiled and sheathed his sword, wrapping an arm around Peter as he approached. "Perhaps we can have a little discussion on the promenade, eh? You can tell me all about it." All Peter could do was nod blankly and oblige.       Nobody knew what Peter and Lune spoke of that quiet afternoon, but come dinnertime it was obvious that whatever was said had greatly affected the young king. Eilonwy rushed down the corridor as everyone was filing into the dining room, hair tangled and face dewy with sweat. "I hope I haven't missed anything important" she murmured, eyeing the Archenlanders from the doorway. Peter simply shook his head, his hand hovering over the small of her back, staring at her with a dreamy gaze. She recoiled, unsure how to handle Peter in such a matter, before she shuffled forward and took her seat.       "This must be the Lady Eilonwy" King Lune greeted, a Cheshire grin spreading across his lips. His wife smiled softly, her hands intertwined with that of her husband's. Eilonwy simply nodded, slowly sinking into her seat. The man looked upon her as if she was a great constellation in the sky based on fabulous tales of a dashing young hero, the kind a mother tells her child at bedtime. "It is an honor and privilege to finally meet you. High King Peter has told us of your great friendship and daring feats at Beruna" he added. Eilonwy shot Peter a quick glare from across the table, somehow slightly offended by his secret compliments, though she wasn't quite sure why. Probably because he was being two-faced, blaming her for things that weren't her fault one week and praising her the next. Yeah, that sounded plausible enough.       "It's nothing, really. Just a wayward kid who got swept up in all of this prophecy shit" she replied flippantly. "Nothing to brag about. The Pevensies are the real heroes here." And they were. She had done nothing special, she simply fought for her country like every other soldier in the fray that day. She didn't want nor deserve any more recognition than they did. Plus, she was willing to do anything to remove the attention from herself.       Eilonwy's diversions seemed to work as King Lune raised a glass and cheered for the Pevensies. "And what fine heroes they are! You should be very proud of yourselves, your majesties. You have done incredible things and saved your country in the process! And at such young ages, too!"       "Well, we tried our best" Edmund remarked humbly.       King Lune and grinned and nodded, turning to his wife to mutter something about these kids having their heads on straight. "You know, in Archenland it's impossible to take the throne so young. We have had laws set in place for centuries dictating a legal minimum age one must reach before they can assume their place as king. Nice to see that those laws aren't always warranted, though!"       Susan wasn't sure whether to feel flattered or insulted by King Lune's words. As if their age had anything to do with their ability. After all, they were young, not stupid. She wasn't fond of the insinuation.       "What about queens?" Lucy asked.       "What about them, dear child?" Queen Aria replied, voice soft and velvet smooth.       "Well, you said there's a minimum age requirement for a boy to reach before being crowned king. What if there was a girl instead? Does the same go for her, too?" the valiant elaborated. Queen Aria folded her hands in front of her. "Yes, and no, my little bird. A princess must wait until her eighteenth birthday much like a prince would to take the throne, that much is true. The difference lies in the way in which each rules."       "What differences are those?" Susan asked.       "Well" Aria began, "in order to be considered a legitimate ruler of Archenland, a king must marry before his coronation for a king cannot rule without a queen. However, should a daughter take to the throne, she may rule as she pleases, husband or no husband."       "I like the way Archenland thinks" Eilonwy chimed in. Too bad Narnia didn't have that rule back when I was princess, she thought to herself. She was glad to see that change with the reign of the Pevensies, completely eradicating that law with their sibling tetrarchy. Not that there was any pressure for her to marry anymore. As far as she was concerned, she was no longer a princess. She no longer had any royal obligations to wed, which she was more than comfortable with.       "However" Lune added, "Just because a queen doesn't have to doesn't mean she shouldn't." The huntress cocked a brow. What are you getting at here, old man? she thought to herself, straightening her back in mild interest. "I'm sure it won't be long until you four tie the knot!" he bellowed, glancing at Peter for a split second. Eilonwy followed the Archenlander's eyes to the magnificent's and her heart nearly jumped straight out of her mouth.       "Let's not be too hasty. We are still just kids" Edmund replied, a man of reason. The huntress was instantly relieved by his words, praying that this would be the end of it. She opened her mouth to make a remark, divert the conversation elsewhere, but Lune spoke before she could make a sound.       "I never said tonight!" he laughed. "Eventually, though, it would be smart! After all, who is to carry on the monarchy once you're all gone? You can't continue a ruling streak without any heirs."       Heirs. Fuck, Eilonwy thought to herself, sinking back into her seat. She forgot about that tiny little fact. Unlike herself, the Pevensies weren't going to live forever. Sooner or later, they'd have to find spouses and start popping out kids. The moment the h-word rolled off Lune's tongue, Peter's face burned bright red as he toyed with his fork between his fingers. It was obvious he wanted to look at Eilonwy but he restrained himself out of embarassment. The huntress, contrastingly, didn't like the direction this topic was taking. At present, it had reached a fork in the road and she wasn't sure which option available to her was worse. She decided to do her best not to think about it. After all, Lune said it himself: no hasty decisions need to made tonight. She had all the time in the world to put off adult responsibilities. Until Peter risks getting his neck snapped by kneeling in front of her with a ring, marriage and children were the least of her worries.       Try as she might, however, marriage and children were all Eilonwy could think about as she struggled to fall asleep. Every time she closed her eyes, all she saw was the white lace of weddings, a sea of flowers, the feel of hands groping her body and the eventual cramp of hard labor. The visions were so intense that by midnight, she was hyperventilating in a cold sweat. Kicking her sheets off, she vaulted herself out of bed and slammed the windows open for fresh air. Unfortunately, the trouble with Narnian summers was that there was no fresh air. Instead, the entire country was drenched in a thick, humid fog that reduced everyone to gelatin. With a sigh, she ran her fingers through her hair and sunk into her vanity stool, defeated by the prospect of finally growing up.       Meanwhile, two slippered feet cautiously pattered down the hall. Apparently Eilonwy was not the only one having trouble sleeping. A quiet knock and Susan opened the door to find her baby sister looking rather distraught. "Lucy, what's the matter? You should be in bed by now" she whispered, ushering the valiant inside.       "I know!" she whined, "but I can't sleep. I'm too troubled."       "By what?" Susan asked, watching as Lucy fell backward onto her bed.       "It's my cordial" she replied. "It's getting too low and I can't stop thinking about it. What if I run out and I can't heal people anymore? What am I supposed to do then?"       "Lucy" Susan sighed, taking a seat beside her sister. She brushed the hair away from her face only to reveal an expression of genuine fear. "Where is all of this coming from?"       "I was getting ready for bed when I noticed the cordial on my bedside table. We've been so busy lately, I haven't had a good chance to really look at it. I never realized how much Galma had drained it" she explained. "But what if there's no way to refill it? What if this it? That the moment the last drop falls, it's empty forever and I lose that privilege?"       Susan pursed her lips in thought. How was she supposed to comfort the valiant if she herself didn't have any real answers? She knew nothing of this fireflower except for what Father Christmas had told them and pieces of legend she barely remembered. She furrowed her brows in thought a moment before finally calculating a solution. "I don't know how to fix your cordial, but I sure as hell can try to figure it out. Starting tomorrow, whenever I can find the free time, I'll look through the library and see if I can find any books on the flower and what we might do. Does that sound alright?" she answered. Lucy nodded vigorously, jolting upright to wrap her arms tightly around her sister.       "That would be perfect! Thank you, thank you, thank you, Susan!" she gushed. "And I'll help, too! Promise!"       "Alright. But we can't get any work done if we're sleeping all day. Go off to bed, get some rest. I'll see you in the morning" Susan replied, helping her sister down from the tall mattress and guiding her to the door. "Sweet dreams, Lu."       "Sweet dreams, Su!" she called behind her. As she climbed back into bed, her cordial on the nightstand, she knew she'd never be completely relieved until she found a way to refill it but until then, at least Susan's offer was a step in the right direction. Just knowing she was doing something proactive was enough to relieve her, at least for tonight.       As breakfast came to a close, Peter and Lune sauntered off down to the sparring grounds for another day of male bonding. There was something about Lune that was just wildly comforting to him. Perhaps it was that the man was older and more experienced than he, that Peter no longer had to feel so much pressure to be the ultimate voice of reason, the head of the house. There was something else about Lune, however, a distinct quality that just really soothed his active nerves. Lune had a very paternal way about him; he was the kind of person Peter felt he could confide in both professionally and personally. He was, however, nothing like his own father which was perhaps what perplexed Peter the most about their budding friendship. Lune was wide-eyed and merry with a pep in his step and a laugh for the ages. He was, in many ways, like Father Christmas, or at least a caricature of him. Peter truly cherished this man's company and hoped that this was the beginning of a timeless alliance between their two kingdoms.       Strapping her bracer to her forearm, Eilonwy approached the sparring grounds in hopes that she'd perhaps find some refuge in a bit of archery. However, the moment she spied Peter and Lune out on the field, she cursed under her breath and nearly walked right back up the staircase. She would have done just that, too, if she was not interrupted by a quiet voice from behind.       "Aren't you going to join them?" she asked. Whipping around, Eilonwy found none other than Queen Aria standing upon the veranda overlooking the field. In the sunlight, she was absolutely radiant, like an oil painting come to life with delicate, pinched features and her bosom nearly spilling over her bejeweled corset.       The huntress stammered a moment, unsure of how to even speak in front of such a woman, before finally crafting together a semi-comprehensible sentence. "I, uh...I mean, I was, but I'm not...anymore."       "Whyever not?" she asked, cocking her head slightly to the side. A pale hand absently stroked at her summer shawl.       "I just...don't want to anymore?" Eilonwy replied. "It's nothing, really. I can just come back later. I don't want to get in the way or anything."       Aria shook her head. "I assure you, you wouldn't be in the way at all! I'd actually rather like to see your work. Peter has said nothing but kind things about you" she said. There was something about the way that last sentence rolled off her tongue that sent shivers down Eilonwy's spine. She didn't want Peter saying nice things about her. She didn't want Peter saying anything about her. The day he stops complimenting her behind her back would be the day she dies happy.       "Well, my sincerest apologies, your highness, but that's an event for another time" Eilonwy said, saluting the queen as she turned on her heels to go.       "Oh, wait! Please!" Aria called after her, extending a hand as if she intended to grab the girl by the wrist. Eilonwy paused and turned back around, raising her eyebrows to prompt the queen to speak. "While you're here, I might as well ask, have you seen Queen Susan? I was so hoping to perhaps play a game of croquet with her but I haven't been able to find her all morning."       Relief swept over Eilonwy's face, having feared the worst, as she shrugged and replied, "I haven't, but I'll let her know if I do." And with that, she nodded toward the woman and rushed off down the hallway, away from confrontation, from pressure, from fear.       "Have you found anything yet, Lu?" Susan called from across the library. Stacks upon stacks of unshelved books surrounded the two queens, desperate for answers.       "Not really. Have you?" the valiant called back. Susan shook her head.       "This is pointless" she muttered under her breath. Hours had passed with no success, as if this fireflower was some intangible myth. With every minute of unfound explanation, another sliver of Susan's hope faded away.       "Whoa, looks like someone's been doing some heavy reading" Eilonwy remarked as she weaved her way through the wreckage. "What's all this about?" Susan sighed and explained Lucy's dilemma, which piqued the huntress's interest a little more than expected. A sly grin spread across her lips, cocking a brow, as she listened intently, arms crossed at her chest.       "I think I may be able to help" she then replied once Susan was finished. Whipping around, she tugged a massive atlas from the shelf, flipped it open, and blew the dust from it's pages to reveal a heavily detailed map of the entire world. "This is where you need to go" she said, pointing to a collection of islands to the east.       "That's the Seven Isles, isn't it?" Lucy asked, peering over a stack of encyclopedias nearly as tall as herself. Eilonwy nodded.       "Yep. One of them is a place called Kronne, some god-awful steamy place completely void of intelligent life. Legend has it that's where the fireflowers grow-- fields upon fields of them. Only issue is that every man whose ever sailed the Great Eastern Sea to find them has never made it back alive, so nobody knows for sure whether they're really there or not" she explained.       "Then how do you expect us to travel all the way there if you're not really sure this is where they are in the first place?" Susan inquired. It was a question worthy of asking, after all. The moment the words passed the gentle's lips, whatever hope had swelled inside Lucy began to subside again.      "Well, that's all part of the adventure, isn't it?" Eilonwy remarked, slamming the atlas shut. "Listen, you needed my help so I gave it. Take it or leave it, but if you ever want to refill that cordial, this is the only way to do it."       "We never said we needed your help" Susan remarked, but was quickly met with a glare from her sister.       "Susan, you heard her. It's the only thing we can do, and I need that cordial refilled!" Lucy countered. "How do we get there?" she then asked, turning to the huntress.       "Just like you'd travel to any other island: by boat" Eilonwy replied. "But we'll need extra reinforcements for this trip." Turning back to the bookshelf, the huntress pulled yet another large tome, flipping it open a page depicting an enflamed woman with glowing white eyes and crimson hair. "Many a myth has said that the island is guarded by this fire spirit, Iraflora, whose responsible for the deaths of every other man whose tried to take these flowers. She's like their guardian or some shit like that. So we'll need to make sure we appeal to her, or else Narnia will be reduced to anarchy."       Eilonwy spoke so coolly of such serious topics that Susan found it hard to believe the huntress could possibly be serious. "Wait, we never said we were going! We never said we were going!" she pleaded, the last sentence flung in Lucy's direction.       "But Susan, we have to!" the valiant begged. "It's the only way. If you don't come with us, we'll just leave without you."       The desperation in Lucy's eyes was undeniable: she was determined. And the last thing Susan needed was another Galma incident. But they had been so busy already, entertaining guests and travelling to far off places. She just wanted a break, a few moments to herself to soak in her tub with rose petals and candles and just relax to the sounds of the ocean lapping against the shore. The more she looked upon her baby sister's face, however, the harder it became to deny her. Lucy had a very persuasive way about her, able to twist anyone to cater to her desires. It was a rather valuable trait to have, even if it was a pesky nuisance to her siblings. "Fine" she eventually sighed, "Let me speak with Peter and Edmund first, though." The response was good enough for Lucy, cheering happily at her sister's approval.       "Oh, by the way" Eilonwy added as she exited the library, "Queen Aria was looking for you. Said she was hoping to play some game of croquet or something." Susan's eyes widened, gazing to Lucy apologetically as she silently asked permission to depart. Lucy nodded, grinning from ear to ear, and watched as her sister ran off.       "Eilonwy?" she called the moment the gentle was out of sight. The huntress turned around to face the young queen, cocking her head to the side in inquiry. "Do you think you could help me put these books away?" Though Eilonwy knew she had a million other more fun things she could be doing, she didn't dare refuse the valiant queen. With a sigh, she nodded and joined her among the mess.       The next morning, Lucy sat impatiently through the daily meeting, over-enthused to propose her idea. She was nearly shaking the entire table, which earned her some suspicious stares from one such Lord Bar of Archenland. As soon as their guests departed, Lucy's arm shot up into the air like she was back in school all over again.       "Yes, Lucy?" Peter acknowledged.       "I have something to say!" she exclaimed. Her eldest brother raised his brows in intrigue, motioning for her to continue. Feeling as if she needed to make a spectacle of herself, she stood upon her chair above the rest of the council and began her speech. "As many of you know, not long ago we visited Galma, an island very much in need of our help. I spent a few weeks there helping Aesop the medicine man and his daughter Nefyn treat and heal everyone who came down with the sickness. My cordial, the one that Father Christmas gave me, was of great use to me during those couple weeks but because of my constant use, the fireflower juice inside of it has grown dangerously low. Thanks to our dear friend, Eilonwy, however, I know a way to fix this, and so I propose a trip to the island of Kronne where the fireflowers are said to grow so we can refill my cordial and I can help heal people again!"       The valiant was met with a moment of silence as the council comprehended the little queen's spiel. Finally, Peter spoke. "How far is this island?" he asked, looking to Lucy and then Eilonwy. He figured the huntress would have a better understanding of the geographical aspects than Lucy would, considering she seemed to know Narnia and the surrounding lands like the back of her hand.       "It's one of the Seven Isles, so I'd say roughly 75 miles northeast?" she replied casually. "Shouldn't be too far a trip, if that's your concern."       Peter shook his head. "I'm sure the Splendor Hyaline could handle it, so long as we ensure that Narnia is left in good hands while we're gone. Also, Ellie, can you please get your feet off the table?" Eilonwy rolled her eyes and obliged.       "Does that mean we can go?!" Lucy exclaimed excitedly. "I don't see why not. It's not as if we're ignoring our royal duties by going, anyways. It's a priority trip for Queen Lucy the Valiant, and therefore it is a royal duty in and of itself" Peter replied. The littlest Pevensie shrieked with delight as she bounded across the table to hug her big brother, much to many of the councilmens' dismay. Lucy didn't care. She was far too excited to give a fig about what those stuffy old advisors had to say.       "So I guess we're going to Kronne then" Susan replied, tone partially exhausted.       "I thought you wanted to make Lucy happy, didn't you?" Eilonwy whispered across the table.       "I do, but I just..." she began, then realized it wasn't worth the fight. "Nevermind."       As Peter stood over his desk that afternoon studying maps and helping Captain Guildmore chart their voyage, a light knock at the door caught the High King's attention. Excusing himself from the scene, he turned to find King Lune standing in the doorway, hands on his hips and a proud smile across his face. "Everything alright, sir?" Peter asked as he approached. He felt a little ridiculous with his sleeves rolled up and his hair unkempt but King Lune didn't seem to mind.       “Oh yes, yes, no trouble at all, my boy" he replied. "It seems like you have your hands rather full here so my men and I will depart in the morning."       "You're leaving so soon?" Peter said, a little more surprised than he intended to sound. "I mean...it feels like you've just gotten here, I wouldn't want you to feel as if you have to leave so suddenly. We can postpone the trip until you're ready to return home if that's what you--"       "It's no trouble at all, Peter. Honest" King Lune reassured, patting the young king's shoulder. "You seem to manage perfectly fine on your own, you don't need our supervision if that's your concern." Though Peter had never made mention of it to the king, deep down he was so grateful to have an adult in reach. He supposed that was one of the perks of many years of experience, however: a deep sense of perception for the unspoken. "However" he added, "Should you ever need anything whatsoever, my castle is always open to you and your siblings, and any other family that may come along the way!"       Peter's face burned bright red at the insinuation. "I don't think we'll be expanding our family any time soon" he remarked nervously.       King Lune cocked a brow, the corner of his mouth curving upward. "Something tells me it will be sooner than you think, my boy."       Peter furrowed his brows in confusion before shaking his head. "I'm not so sure about that, but thank you anyways."       The Archenland king nodded, his smile growing ever wider, as he patted Peter on the shoulder and added, "Don't lose that firecracker of a girl of yours. Women like that only come along once in a century." It was then that Peter fully understood what Lune was hinting at, and his face burned even brighter.       "But she's...she's not really my girl" he stammered. He had no idea where in the castle Eilonwy was but he was suddenly terrified that she might be nearby, or at least close enough to hear the conversation. The last thing he wanted was a slap in the arm for being a sappy romantic.       "I see the way you look at her, Peter. It's no hard task to figure out you love the girl" Lune stated. "And if you love her, then by all means she's yours! Make your future with her, boy! Life is short and love is so rare."       The more Lune spoke, the more seeds of wonder he planted in Peter's brain. Visions popped up like daisies throughout his brain, scenes of golden rings and flower-laden aisles and sweet little babies and a good friend ruling at his side. "Do you think so?"       "I know so" Lune reassured. "She'll make a fine queen of Narnia someday, just as you make a fine High King. Don't doubt yourself, my boy. You're doing a phenomenal job so far."       A heartfelt smile spread across Peter's face as he whispered back a soft "Thank you, sir" in an effort to not break down in tears. He didn't want to come off as weak or overemotional but he had been so hard on himself those past few months that hearing such reaffirming words from a king like Lune truly touched him. Perhaps he wasn't doing such a terrible job after all.       As the sun rose over the Narnian shores, Peter rushed down to the castle's gates to bid the Archenlanders a fine farewell. King Lune patted the boy on the shoulder before he left, a silent reassurance that he was where he was supposed to be, before boarding the caravan alongside his wife. As the High King watched them depart, he thought of all that Lune had said to him over the course of his visit, of his reassurances and encouragement to build a future with Eilonwy. He glanced over his shoulder to the huntress as she stood in the doorway waving goodbye, tangled hair braided down her back and grass stains on her hem, and couldn't help but think that if he was meant for a future, he was certain he was meant to spend it with her.       Lucy leapt up and down waving both hands until the Archenlanders were out of sight, when she rushed through the castle gates in strong enthusiasm to embark on their journey. Susan and Edmund followed suit, speaking of their hopes and concerns for the trip, until Peter was the only one left behind. Once he turned around, he caught Eilonwy turning to leave and, in an act of sudden desperation, reached out and grabbed her by the wrist. She stared back at him like a deer caught by a hunter, eyes wide with shock and vague concern.       "Eilonwy, I need to ask you something" Peter finally said after a few moments of awkward silence. She rose her brows, prompting him to continue, but deep down was terrified of the question that would ensue. Peter licked his lips, glancing to the ground as if he was struggling to speak, before finally asking, "Are you coming to Kronne with us?"       Relief washed over her as she sighed and nodded. "Yes, I was planning to. After all, you buffoons don't seem to know much about Narnian lore. It's my job to educate you about what you're all getting yourselves into." And with that, she pulled her braid over her shoulder and turned off to enter Cair Paravel.       Peter watched her depart a moment before the weight of her words finally sunk in. "Wait, what do you mean 'what we're getting ourselves into'? What are we getting ourselves into?" he called after her but she simply smirked at him over her shoulder and turned the corner without a decent reply. "Eilonwy, wait! What are we getting ourselves into?!" he begged, chasing her down the hallway. He was beginning to fear that perhaps this wasn't such a good idea, after all.

[thinkheyday-blog]

In a wellness world, what exactly is self-care and how do you do it?

By Jeni Sykes, Head of Skincare & Co-Founder

We all want to put our best face forward.

It shows in our Instagram filtering prowess, in the cleverly crafted posts we share to project identity and document a life well-lived. Our platforms provide both an open stage to tell our stories and powerful – even addictive – evidence of approval and acceptance through the views and likes we’ve come to count.

We want to be seen, and we want the world we’re plugged into, both on and offline, to like what they see. We also know that this desire is nothing new. And the deeply human need to be seen and to feel accepted doesn’t automatically make us shallow.  

In fact, resources like Gallup, Forbes, Fast Company, and the myriad others seeking to illuminate exactly what motivates us today also report two notable and noble aspirations shared by Baby Boomers, Gen-Xers, and Millennials alike – the ability to have a positive impact on the people, organizations, and communities around us, and the ability to experience a sense of well-being in our lives.

Yet there is also sense of inner conflict on the rise, in spite of our most positive intentions and shared dreams of purpose, passion, and wellness: Increasingly, we struggle to tap into that panacea of passion, to cultivate the deep and satisfying human relationships we envision, and to find genuine self-confidence and satisfaction in our personal and professional achievements.

It’s here at the impasse between desire and sense of deficit that we find certain buzzwords floating across our feeds as antidote. One darling of the day: self-care. But what does this word really mean?

We hear that self-care works to manifest this unicorn, Wellness, in our lives. We hear that self-care is about self-love, which is different than selfishness – an important distinction in an age where the words narcissism and entitlement are also frequent fliers. We hear that self-care is about making healthy choices. One should eat well, exercise, get a massage, hit this new class or service, read that book or blog, put the phone down, learn to meditate, get a handle on the right routine, and get ready for a Transformation.

But what if we embark on this journey to find that like our quest for purpose and impact, our honest attempts at self-care don’t always seem to be so successful or so profoundly rewarding as the others’ compelling snapshots of Wellness seem to portray? Basic questions come up. Like, am I doing this right?

Over the holidays I received a book from a friend, The Empathy Exams, and in it, my friend wrote a simple inscription that struck me. It said, “This book is about how we feel, not what we ought to feel. And that is an accomplishment.”

In a rapidly updated, overstimulating world where we stay carefully coiffed in order to avoid the pain or failure we fear under the seemingly constant gaze of others, we can also end up overwrought with judgments for ourselves. Often, we’re simply mirroring the judgments others have placed on us over time. But learning to engage in self-care also means learning to slow down enough to connect to ourselves in a different way.

If we only check off boxes on a to-do list of things that are supposed to make us happier human beings, it’s very possible to go through the motions and still end up feeling just as exhausted or overspent as we started.

Engaging in self-care can powerful. Habits can show us how to give to (not just of) ourselves and that receiving is part of what replenishes us as people.

Engaging in self-care can be challenging, too. It often takes learning a much healthier dose of patience with where we’re at today than we’ve grown accustomed to allowing, and showing ourselves a kindness we may not have been shown by the world. It takes letting go of some of the judgments, worries, and guilt in the small acts offstage. Regardless of the rituals you choose, it’s choosing to show up for ourselves this way that actually cultivates that evasive thing called self-love. And as mothers, shrinks, and gurus so love to tell us, that brand of loving relationship with one’s self is ultimately what leads to deep and meaningful relationships with others.

How does this connect to skincare? When you practice skincare as self-care, you can learn connect to yourself by learning listen to your skin, taking less time to judge it, and more time to understand its needs and turn toward it with care. You might have to ask for help. You might have to practice a little patience. For the long-term rewards, you do have to invest at least a little bit each day. With skin, cultivating caring habits that are right for you is what becomes magic in the mirror without a filter. And connecting differently to something as simple as your skin can teach you a whole lot about your whole self.

As one of our clients puts it in one of the most poignant emails we’ve received, “I love your brand and everything you all stand for – and you’ve made a difference in my life in a very meaningful way. Taking the small step of adding a facial to my regular routine has been a way to increase my awareness of the other things in my life I need to tend to myself

– nutrition, physical activity, and most important of all, self love.”

Putting your best face forward can be something profound. This year, may your journey be long, and so deeply rewarding.

[commentaryonhowwelive]

October 2017. Age 25. Journal Entry.

Tuesday, October 10th, 2017

“The fact that I'm having a hard time sitting down to write about what makes me happy is itself indicative of what makes me happy. I have this desire to extend my inner happiness into the physical world in an attempt to create an unchanging and unlimited source of happiness. This is impossible, but I incessantly try anyways.

As I make more money, try to stay into excellent shape, constantly move from place to place and change jobs, sleep with random girls, it's all an attempt to create a source of happiness from outside of myself.

I don't like the idea of finding happiness only from within, because the human brain simply doesn't work that way. If we’re living in miserable conditions, our bodies are hardwired to want to be in a different state. If we’re too cold or too hot, we strive to reach a temperature that is comfortable. Our biology simply doesn’t allow such fine tuned machines to work under too extreme of conditions. If we’re hungry, our stomachs will hurt and we will become irritable. As the phrase goes, “society is only three square meals away from anarchy”. This states that we are human animals whether we like it or not, and we must conform in some way to society in order to create livable conditions for ourselves. 

The capitalist society that we live in creates desire; which I find inherently dangerous. However, we as humans will always have a strong sense of desire for things that can advance our genes because it’s necessary for our survival. When our primate ancestors saw a fertile mate, or a companion with a piece of fruit in their hand, you can bet that they had a strong desire for what they saw, or else they didn’t survive. 

In our modern age, we still have a desire for what we see, that’s why capitalism is still works. Except we don’t beat our friends over the head for their apple, we just think about wanting it then probably go buy our own later. Even though we don’t act immediately on our desires as much any more, the desires remain as we are still human animals. We are imperfect beings, in realizing this, we have learned about our biology and instincts and have exploited them via capitalism through incessant consumerism and gearing our marketing toward our biological needs that sometimes we don’t even realize are there. Commercials play our emotions, we use bright colored signs, we give free samples in stores to stimulate our appetite to make us want to buy more food.

So instead of turning away completely from capitalism and shaking your fist at the CEO’s of the world, I say we embrace it with a healthy dose of skepticism. Emphasis on the term healthy. Allowing ourselves to feel our feelings and act on our needs and desires is not only healthy, it's necessary. Our goal should be to find a way to release our urges and act as our bodies want to act while at the same time, living in line with capitalism to the point that we have financial freedom.

People aren’t evil, excessive capitalism is evil.

Capitalism facilitates hyperbolized human tendencies which quickly turn into what we consider the 7 Deadly Sins. When you have the opportunity to make $500,000 a year, it’s really hard to say no to that, even if you’re cognizant that the wage could feed 15 less fortunate families but you’re going to use it to go on exotic vacations. Greed happens not because humans are evil, but because capitalism allows it.

Those less fortunate families would more likely than not fall victim to the same faults and hoard money if given the opportunity.

Again, capitalism as a system isn’t inherently evil. It is an imperfect means of societal progression which leads to the exploitation the primal urges of us imperfect humans.

Once we get to the point that we can make enough money to live the life we want to live within capitalism (since cash is king and a near sure fire way to create the objective life we want), we can then attempt to feel true freedom and feel the feelings we have, acting as true and authentic beings. As Maslow’s hierarchy of needs dictates, we must take care of our basic needs that we as humans need, then our goals above that are subjective, i.e. self actualization and who we want to associate with.

You need food water shelter to make yourself happy. This is because you’re a biological organism, therein requiring certain objective fuel sources. But once this has been settled, we can achieve happiness in any way our cerebral cortices deem fit. You need a certain level of happiness within before externalities can make you happy. You need an edifice to build on top of. If you’re starving in a giant beautiful house, you can’t appreciate the house. If you have a million dollars but you’re homeless, that money is good for nothing. If you didn’t sleep last night, it doesn’t matter how many people are around you that you love; all you want to do is sleep. Thus, we must care for our human needs and urges before we can approach the next level of validation. The top level of validation is human actualization.

Everyone is somewhere along the capitalism acceptance scale. Some are fully within the throes of a capitalist lifestyle of earning and spending, creating unneeded waste in order to fulfill their shallow desires. Others do only what they need to do to care for themselves, then they choose to ignore the chasing of money for the rest of their available time for it does not appeal to them; they have different metrics for satisfaction. Say John makes $100,000 a year but really only needs $30,000 to live the lifestyle that makes him happy, so he does so. However, Don also makes $100,000 but digs himself into crippling debt by living a life of opulence outside of his means. They make the same amount of money, yet John is likely to be much happier because he lives within his means. His lifestyle doesn’t require the spending of more money than he has, putting himself in debt to others, yet he’s happier.

I can see the hierarchy at play in the moment to moment in myself as I can allow my mind to wonder pleasantly insofar as I'm with others, waiting for something, or getting something done. I'd much rather sit in a coffee shop and allow my mind to wander and write if I'm with someone I know, satisfying the social need immediately before allowing myself to self actualize. Writing for me is an act that leads to self actualization, yet I have a fear of writing if writing is all I’m doing. I feel like I’m missing something, like I should be doing something else, like I don’t deserve to be sitting here and just writing. I know that I deserve the capability to write whenever and however much I want, yet my fear of being alone outweighs my desire to write. Thus, I tend to write only when something else is happening that validates myself in the present.

If I am teaching a class and I have 20 minutes of down time, I feel comfortable writing.

If I’m waiting for a friend to show up somewhere, I feel comfortable writing.

If I’m on a plane and have no where to go, I feel comfortable writing.

If I’m sitting in the living room with my significant other, her working, I feel comfortable writing.

It’s a belief that writing should be on the back burner, something to fill time, no matter how meaningful it may be or how much it leads to satisfaction when I have a finished a piece. 

I thrive on chaos. Insofar as the chaos isn’t stress inducing, so I guess I could say that I thrive on having a lot of things going on all at once, because the more going on, the less I’m thinking about myself and more about the world around me.

When I’m by myself, I start over thinking. A thought goes into a spider web of this then this and maybe that, but also that and if this and this makes that then it also creates this and that and maybe these too! Thoughts don’t stop when alone, but quickly and consistently reacting to a chaotic environment is the antidote. Having to respond to my environment puts the thoughts on the back burner. I’m not worried about whether I could be doing better, whether that guy is making more money than me, whether I could be doing something better with my life. I think this applies to an extreme many of facets of life, in that the less you think about things, the happier you are. Ignorance in bliss, and if I’m busy with something all day and allocating all of my mental resources towards that, I don’t have time to worry. A busy person is usually a happy person.

Occupying your mind with anything that isn't negative is ideal. It's better to piss away your time with simple happiness than to have worry over take you. I’m better off delivering pizzas, a seemingly simple task, rather than worrying about myself.

General sadness isn't necessarily what we’re trying to avoid. Because when we think of being sad, at least I tend to have a grossly oversimplified idea of what it is, without really objectifying it. What we’re trying to actually avoid is bad decisions, which are predated typically by worry, fear, anxiety, or melancholy. When we’re in fear, anxious, or upset, we make poor decisions. We regress, or overeat, or drink too much, or don’t aim for anything positive. Thus, having simple yet positive tasks to occupy our time is better than engaging in negative activities like watching TV, over eating, playing video games, or doing drugs.

Looking back at our ancestors; their primitive lifestyle and what they needed to do to survive, it makes sense to somewhat mimic that in our own lives. Create our own quests and whatnot. They didn’t have time to be worried or anxious about the unknown, because they were preoccupied with the task at hand, which in essence was always working towards something. 

In addition to the actions that we take, we must always take into consideration the inaction that is just as important. This is manifested in the act of selective ignorance. We can experience a lack of motivation due to the sheer amount of pain in the world, or all of the things that we know we’ll never be able to overcome or accomplish or change. We must ignore it, selectively of course, so as to not pass that threshold of ignorance to a fault. I could spend all day ruminating on the lack of food in 3rd world countries, or the evil disproportion of wealth in capitalist countries, or that fact that I’m crummy at understanding computer code, but what’s the point? How will that assist the human? It won’t, unless it is acted upon in a positive way to solve the problem.

I once read about a man who made a lot of money at a very young age. It was a combination of luck and skill. I was jealous of him. What did he have that I didn’t? Why him? Why me? Then I found out he died. That's all of our ends. I immediately felt more fortunate than him, because I live in this moment. I have what he doesn’t. It’s a manifestation of my primal urges to have what others don’t, to be the leader, to be the alpha. I shouldn’t feel that way, but I do.

Anger is often manifested as putting too much emotional stock in others. Any time I’m angry, I can almost always relate it to someone else’s actions, or the fact that I’m upset that I’m not as good as someone else. Thus I’m putting to much emotional stock in others.

That’s all for now.

[dear-saxifrage]

yesterday, I performed Caroline shaw’s “to the hands” and Mozart’s requiem in d minor with the collegium at Harvard. I don’t know what I'm going to do without collegium: an elite group of musicians who take it so, so seriously, and who dedicate significant portions of their life to this type of creation. of communication. how could it have really happened?

the choir concert was nearly canceled in full. due to the coronavirus pandemonium, Harvard put a halt to any 100+ gatherings, and that included our concert. we were informed of this only twenty-four hours beforehand; so, we ended up performing on-stage with our orchestra to eight camera, live-streaming and recording, and an empty house. it felt strange. it felt romantic. I couldn’t help but think of the moment as a true requiem. we sing to the dead who we cannot see, but ‘know’ are with us; similarly, we sung to a non-physical audience only reached through a camera. we sang to the dead; we sang to a nonexistent audience; we sang with ‘people watching over us’ from all over the world. it felt exhilarating. it was, in fact, the most exhilarating concert I've performed in. who was responsible for bringing the energy? the choir. we couldn’t rely on audience electricity, and at first, it was shocking! to turn to the right, to sneak a peek at the faces of audience members before your conductor runs out -- we couldn’t. I still tried to, anyway, and felt for the second time a puzzlement at the empty pews.

I think I blacked out during the concert. I went to that special place in my head -- the one all musicians have -- and sung there. it’s so strange, to immerse yourself in that zone so fully. it was a reverie of a type, I think. when I finished a movement, I'd “look up” at Andy and consciously think, “oh right. I'm here, in sanders.” of course, we’re canonized from likely the earliest age to the sound and style of Mozart -- everyone follows and copies him -- so when say that his music ‘feels right,’ it certainly does, because of how he rules the musical hegemony. in spite of that, though, I did feel a certain respite in the music. there was so much cooperation in the piece. not on voice part outshone the other. we all depended on the other to do well; yesterday may as well have been a masterclass in learning to let go. 

I don’t think I'll ever forget that beautiful, beautiful, beautiful melismatic line of the altos and trombones in the Kyrie of movement one. the dynamic and physical lowering of the choristers and conductor during this part too -- just so beautiful -- we all build up together. that’s what hope feels like, I think. an alto, a trombone, and a forthcoming bass line. there is something so heart-beatingly rhythmic in the sixteenth note ascents: da-da-da-da and da-da-da-da. it was actually during this part that I teared up. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to be performing this gorgeous piece with this particular choir, under this particular director, with this particular situation: an empty audience. what is the music for, then, if no audience? CAN the music be for ourselves? I think... I think the music can be “for” anyone. it seemed to have special meaning though yesterday... who was I singing for, if anyone?

I have to think about this. right now, I think I was singing for past versions of myself; specifically, Sydney last year during this very time. I fell into a deep depression last year during this time, and I sung a requiem then, too. then I fell into it. I couldn’t stop mourning the dead. I couldn’t stop couldn’t stop, wouldn’t stop. grief took over my life -- grief for myself, for my utter resignation, to my disenchantment, for my cousin, for sora, for the kind of person I was allowing myself to become when I was with Tyler. it was all so shocking. that requiem inside of me lasted for a long time. hints of it would come out, too: I would just cry in my bd sometimes, wanting to just clench my toes and kick out, feeling absolutely helpless about my entire situation. that requiem came out when Tony stark died -- I sobbed that entire night, especially on my solitary drive to the gym. I was just throttled. so utterly hopeless and without light in my eyes. I didn’t think I would ever be myself again; I couldn’t smile, bring myself to experience satisfaction.

that requiem haunted me in South Africa, too, but a small part of it was opened by the friends I made there. to see that others cared about me -- were interested in me beyond sex -- that felt interesting. I am so thankful for that beautiful, gorgeous experience in life. I don’t think I'll fully comprehend its place in my life; the people I needed came to me, even when it felt like I would collapse inside of myself. scared, I left phoenix for boston and stayed in that airport for twelve hours, and met my choir for the first time in a month. I had jetted out of boston a month before because Chris had died and I just couldn’t take it. I had to leave. but when I saw my friends, it felt like everything would be OK, even if I wouldn’t be. I remember seeing Kat’s beautiful haircut and feeling at ease. (beauty and change and choices were still possible.) Emma said hi to me, and I breathed again. Hirsh hugged me hello and I thought that new friendships were possible, and even worth pursuing again. then I sat next to Jon on that extraordinarily long flight, then on the bus, and my world burst open. to have been in the proximity of such a thoughtful, smart human and to have never known! I am still so scared of the blinders we put up, as humans.

we sang every day. we sang in nelson Mandela’s house. we saw wild birds; sunsets burning red. hiked the drakensburg mountains and rejoiced in the exquisite beauty of hanertsburg. 

when that next semester started, fall 2019, I felt rejuvenated and okay. parts of me were still unkempt, but my friends had rejuvenated me -- as they have done, again and again, in different locations and at different times -- and I experienced a wonderful semester. started dating. failed in every dating scenario possible. failed some more. started a newer, more robust gym routine; wrote more; sang more; slept more. over December, I even tried out dating an ex; it failed, obviously, because he’s my ex for a reason, but I tried. it was fun, then it became irritating. I clipped its wings.

then something really amazing happened -- I was told we were to sing the Mozart requiem. I entered my spring semester scared of a few things: 1) that I might get sick like I did last year, with all those illnesses, 2) that I would become depressed again, 3) sinking into a pit of listlessness, 4) losing friendships, and 5) failing in my attempt to forge a meaningful sexual relationship. 

in order, I'll address these things. I have been exceptionally healthy; sleeping has done wonders for me, and it seems so basic, and it is. it is the panacea. I haven’t become depressed; for one, I didn’t play a video game that killed off my main character since I was seven. I also didn’t isolate myself; in fact, I became hyper-social, and started to seek comfort in rekindling friendships and solidifying others. this relates to my fear of losing friendships. I think I've finally learned that friendships don’t end, not really; they fade, and that’s it. you pick up where you left off. you text or call each other sometimes. but most of all, you don’t give up. you just don’t -- or at least I don’t. I'll never give up on my friendships; each and every last one is important to me, no matter how minuscule our interactions may seem. and lastly, I don’t want a partner; I can’t have a partner. I'm moving soon, and the last time I did some shit like this, it went awry. I know now, going forward, if I move, I must put a clean end to something in order to maintain the benevolence and integrity of the relationship.

yesterday, then, may have been a type of loving exorcism. I gave up the ghost, yes, and everything followed, in the midst of chaos. I sang my heart out in this requiem and prayed for my dead self. the self that saw no way out; she saw blackness and felt neither resistance nor encouragement. to the Sydney that thought it was over last year, it is not, and it wasn’t. I also think I sang to Chris, too. I have an image of viewing him from the top of the water, seeing his white face shocked at the cold and the roughest of the waves, hands reaching up. then I also have an image of his view: seeing the light filtering in from the waves, the bubbles gushing up -- everything but him rushing to the surface -- and realizing with horror that he is sinking as the water becomes darker and the waves slam him into the rocky cliffside. 

dies irae. it is the song of apocalypse; of death. but what followed this? what preceded it? following dies irae is tuba mirum, one of the most beautiful and triumphant trombone solos ever written. preceding it is the requiem and Kyrie itself; lord have mercy. I think the point is that death and the spark of life are literal seconds. they happen. a candle flick. it just happens, it means nothing good nor bad. and, god, the requiem has finally left my body. I needed it gone. I needed to let you go. 

because while the grief of losing you will come again -- a tidal wave, a one-hundred-foot wall of blue -- it will not be soon. it will come when I can sense it. I never want my grief to stop hurting, ever, but it needs to stop in its consistency. 

and that’s all I have to say for tonight.

-sm

[lesliepump]

How To Implement Accountability in a Law Firm

Every lawyer’s ultimate accountability is to clients. However, many lawyers are also accountable for meeting business goals—regardless of whether they are solo or work for a large firm.

“Half the money I spend on people is wasted; the trouble is I don’t know which half.”

While those were not John Wanamaker’s exact words, the revision is useful for a discussion of accountability in your law firm.

Figure Out Your Firm’s Culture

“Culture doesn’t care if you believe in it.”

Accountability and firm culture are inextricably intertwined. You are accountable for living to your values.

I suspect that at least some of you will greet concepts surrounding culture with rolling eyes and groans. I anticipate these reactions because that’s largely how I felt about them.

After all, nobody has time for Kumbaya.

Here’s the thing, though: culture doesn’t care if you believe in it. It grows and evolves whether you’re conscious of it or not. Of course, if you don’t give it attention, like an unkempt garden, it will grow beyond your control.

Here are a few of the resources on nurturing culture that I have found most resonant:

Netflix Culture Deck

The HubSpot Culture Code

Google’s re:Work

Robert Richman’s The Culture Blueprint

I’m also big on Steven Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and Dan Pink’s books, particularly Drive.

While I encourage you to fully explore each of these, let’s distill some of the most salient points as they relate to accountability (relying heavily on Richman’s guidance).

There are two primary rules for culture wrangling:

Opt-in. People perform better when they have agreed to take on responsibility. This is true of agreements we make with others and those we make with ourselves.

Co-create. No single individual can control culture. Everyone on the team participates in culture creation and nurture.

In my experience, the opt-in piece is imperative to accountability. Put simply, when people freely enter into agreements, they are more likely to uphold their end of the agreement than when they feel ordered to do something against their will.

Does this eliminate task assignment and delegation? Of course not. Every role in your firm requires completing tasks that, at some point in time, we don’t want to do. However, when people opt-in with an understanding of the requirements and objectives of that role, they are more likely to achieve those objectives.

Here’s a minimum viable product outline for starting the conversation around culture:

What is your firm’s mission?

What are your visions for the firm for the next 2-5 years?

What does your firm value above all else?

At the risk of stating the obvious, you are not going to complete this process over a weekend. It’s also not a problem that must be solved. It’s more like tending a garden. It’s a work in continual progress. But if you want to maximize accountability, developing your culture is your best shot at doing so.

From Culture to Accountability

“People have to hold themselves accountable.”

When many people consider workplace accountability, they usually begin to list things off like getting results, tracking time, task completion, and deliverables.

However, these are nothing more than metrics and artifacts (and not very good ones) for trying to measure accountability. People have to hold themselves accountable.

You can mentor, coach, guide, assist, provide feedback, write-up, punish, and fire. But ultimately, accountability rests with each individual you hire.

By firing people, you might think that you are holding them accountable. What you’re actually concluding is that they were unable to hold themselves accountable.

In any event, team accountability begins with recruiting and hiring people that value accountability.

But in order to attract and retain people that value accountability, you have to communicate that it’s a shared value. This is why it’s so important to work through the process of defining your firm’s culture first.

Determine Objectives and Key Results

Assuming you’ve laid a strong cultural foundation, it’s time to define concrete and measurable metrics from your mission, vision, and values. I’m partial to objectives and key results (OKRs). If this concept is completely new to you, I recommend that you head over to Rick Klau’s How Google sets goals: OKRs. Additionally, 7Geese’s Learning and Resource Library has some useful information on creating and implementing OKRs. From 7Geese (emphasis added):

An objective defines the answer to: what is it I want to accomplish. Objectives should be aligned with what defines organizational success, but more important must be personally meaningful/aspirational. They should also be aligned and supported by the entire organization. Objectives are about how you can grow parallel with the rest of your team….

Key results define the answer to: how I will accomplish the objective, and how I will be measured against my objective. They help make the objective and how it will be accomplished as transparent as possible. It is measurable, limited, and time-constrained.

Since every law practice is unique, it is impossible for me to hand you OKRs. On the other hand, there is some tangible, tactical advice on implementing OKRs:

Make value-based decisions. Let your cultural values guide your decision-making. Hire, fire, and manage through the lens of the values upon which your firm has agreed are important.

Focus on outputs. Value outcomes over inputs (i.e. client satisfaction, an increase in new clients, fees from clients, inquiries from potential clients). Tools like client relationship management and call tracking software are useful here.

Constant feedback. Regularly request, provide, and share feedback both internally and externally (such as clients). Do not wait until exit interviews to figure out what’s going wrong. Internally, I like 7Geese for this.

Track progress. Make it easy and obvious for everyone in your firm to see how people are doing individually and collectively. Encourage teammates to periodically evaluate their own performance. In my experience, these are most effective when measured monthly, quarterly, and annually (not daily nor weekly).

Coach up or out. When having conversations about whether you have the right people on your team, consider the Netflix keeper test: If one of your teammates told you they were leaving for a job at a competitor firm, would you fight hard to keep them?

Offering Carrots and Sticks

Related “How To Retain Employees in a Competitive Work Market”

Along the way, you will eventually confront challenges surrounding rewards (carrots) and consequences (sticks) for achieving objectives. But before you do, remember the candle problem:

If you want people to perform better, you reward them. Right? Bonuses, commissions, their own reality show. Incentivize them. That’s how business works. But that’s not happening here. You’ve got an incentive designed to sharpen thinking and accelerate creativity, and it does just the opposite. It dulls thinking and blocks creativity.

Read that again. It’s not just that traditional notions of incentives don’t help, they actually hurt performance.

Much of the work at your law firm is likely to be more like solving the candle problem and less like stuffing envelopes. Brief writing, depositions, motion hearings, and trial strategy all require candle-problem creative thinking.

However, in many law firms, carrots are passed out based on metrics like hours billed. That’s envelope stuffing incentive.

Make sure your rewards and consequences match the type of work being done.

But in the end, if you and your team aren’t intrinsically motivated to reach clearly defined firm objectives, you probably won’t.

Originally published 2016. Republished 2020-02-26.

The post How To Implement Accountability in a Law Firm appeared first on Lawyerist.

from Law and Politics https://lawyerist.com/blog/implement-accountability-law-firm/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[maxwellyjordan]

How To Implement Accountability in a Law Firm

Every lawyer’s ultimate accountability is to clients. However, many lawyers are also accountable for meeting business goals—regardless of whether they are solo or work for a large firm.

“Half the money I spend on people is wasted; the trouble is I don’t know which half.”

While those were not John Wanamaker’s exact words, the revision is useful for a discussion of accountability in your law firm.

Figure Out Your Firm’s Culture

“Culture doesn’t care if you believe in it.”

Accountability and firm culture are inextricably intertwined. You are accountable for living to your values.

I suspect that at least some of you will greet concepts surrounding culture with rolling eyes and groans. I anticipate these reactions because that’s largely how I felt about them.

After all, nobody has time for Kumbaya.

Here’s the thing, though: culture doesn’t care if you believe in it. It grows and evolves whether you’re conscious of it or not. Of course, if you don’t give it attention, like an unkempt garden, it will grow beyond your control.

Here are a few of the resources on nurturing culture that I have found most resonant:

Netflix Culture Deck

The HubSpot Culture Code

Google’s re:Work

Robert Richman’s The Culture Blueprint

I’m also big on Steven Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and Dan Pink’s books, particularly Drive.

While I encourage you to fully explore each of these, let’s distill some of the most salient points as they relate to accountability (relying heavily on Richman’s guidance).

There are two primary rules for culture wrangling:

Opt-in. People perform better when they have agreed to take on responsibility. This is true of agreements we make with others and those we make with ourselves.

Co-create. No single individual can control culture. Everyone on the team participates in culture creation and nurture.

In my experience, the opt-in piece is imperative to accountability. Put simply, when people freely enter into agreements, they are more likely to uphold their end of the agreement than when they feel ordered to do something against their will.

Does this eliminate task assignment and delegation? Of course not. Every role in your firm requires completing tasks that, at some point in time, we don’t want to do. However, when people opt-in with an understanding of the requirements and objectives of that role, they are more likely to achieve those objectives.

Here’s a minimum viable product outline for starting the conversation around culture:

What is your firm’s mission?

What are your visions for the firm for the next 2-5 years?

What does your firm value above all else?

At the risk of stating the obvious, you are not going to complete this process over a weekend. It’s also not a problem that must be solved. It’s more like tending a garden. It’s a work in continual progress. But if you want to maximize accountability, developing your culture is your best shot at doing so.

From Culture to Accountability

“People have to hold themselves accountable.”

When many people consider workplace accountability, they usually begin to list things off like getting results, tracking time, task completion, and deliverables.

However, these are nothing more than metrics and artifacts (and not very good ones) for trying to measure accountability. People have to hold themselves accountable.

You can mentor, coach, guide, assist, provide feedback, write-up, punish, and fire. But ultimately, accountability rests with each individual you hire.

By firing people, you might think that you are holding them accountable. What you’re actually concluding is that they were unable to hold themselves accountable.

In any event, team accountability begins with recruiting and hiring people that value accountability.

But in order to attract and retain people that value accountability, you have to communicate that it’s a shared value. This is why it’s so important to work through the process of defining your firm’s culture first.

Determine Objectives and Key Results

Assuming you’ve laid a strong cultural foundation, it’s time to define concrete and measurable metrics from your mission, vision, and values. I’m partial to objectives and key results (OKRs). If this concept is completely new to you, I recommend that you head over to Rick Klau’s How Google sets goals: OKRs. Additionally, 7Geese’s Learning and Resource Library has some useful information on creating and implementing OKRs. From 7Geese (emphasis added):

An objective defines the answer to: what is it I want to accomplish. Objectives should be aligned with what defines organizational success, but more important must be personally meaningful/aspirational. They should also be aligned and supported by the entire organization. Objectives are about how you can grow parallel with the rest of your team….

Key results define the answer to: how I will accomplish the objective, and how I will be measured against my objective. They help make the objective and how it will be accomplished as transparent as possible. It is measurable, limited, and time-constrained.

Since every law practice is unique, it is impossible for me to hand you OKRs. On the other hand, there is some tangible, tactical advice on implementing OKRs:

Make value-based decisions. Let your cultural values guide your decision-making. Hire, fire, and manage through the lens of the values upon which your firm has agreed are important.

Focus on outputs. Value outcomes over inputs (i.e. client satisfaction, an increase in new clients, fees from clients, inquiries from potential clients). Tools like client relationship management and call tracking software are useful here.

Constant feedback. Regularly request, provide, and share feedback both internally and externally (such as clients). Do not wait until exit interviews to figure out what’s going wrong. Internally, I like 7Geese for this.

Track progress. Make it easy and obvious for everyone in your firm to see how people are doing individually and collectively. Encourage teammates to periodically evaluate their own performance. In my experience, these are most effective when measured monthly, quarterly, and annually (not daily nor weekly).

Coach up or out. When having conversations about whether you have the right people on your team, consider the Netflix keeper test: If one of your teammates told you they were leaving for a job at a competitor firm, would you fight hard to keep them?

Offering Carrots and Sticks

Related “How To Retain Employees in a Competitive Work Market”

Along the way, you will eventually confront challenges surrounding rewards (carrots) and consequences (sticks) for achieving objectives. But before you do, remember the candle problem:

If you want people to perform better, you reward them. Right? Bonuses, commissions, their own reality show. Incentivize them. That’s how business works. But that’s not happening here. You’ve got an incentive designed to sharpen thinking and accelerate creativity, and it does just the opposite. It dulls thinking and blocks creativity.

Read that again. It’s not just that traditional notions of incentives don’t help, they actually hurt performance.

Much of the work at your law firm is likely to be more like solving the candle problem and less like stuffing envelopes. Brief writing, depositions, motion hearings, and trial strategy all require candle-problem creative thinking.

However, in many law firms, carrots are passed out based on metrics like hours billed. That’s envelope stuffing incentive.

Make sure your rewards and consequences match the type of work being done.

But in the end, if you and your team aren’t intrinsically motivated to reach clearly defined firm objectives, you probably won’t.

Originally published 2016. Republished 2020-02-26.

The post How To Implement Accountability in a Law Firm appeared first on Lawyerist.

from Law http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/solosmalltech/~3/PdAYmxZmAs0/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[lifeplacebolife]

Proper nutrition does not always mean healthy eating! We are what we eat. Back in the 80s, the World Health Organization conducted research and found out that nutrition accounts for 55% of a person’s well-being, and 25% of all deaths in Russia are due to malnutrition (this also includes alcohol).

Proper nutrition is primarily about balance. Proper nutrition is not a diet, it is everyone’s personal choice and lifestyle. With proper nutrition, you can safely eat what you love without limiting yourself to your favorite dishes.

However, many people are too hung up on the so-called proper nutrition. But this type of "proper nutrition" has nothing to do with healthy (in every sense) diet. Most often, people try to eat right in order to lose weight. And they begin to literally torment themselves: constant calorie count and cutting to the minimum allowable number of calories daily; carbohydrate reduction (and we know that slow carbohydrates is good, and fast ones are also sometimes needed); the diet consists mainly of buckwheat, steamed vegetables and dry chicken breast; bullying yourself for every extra piece eaten; scanty servings; refusal of spices, such as salt, spices (because they also have calories!); rejection of foods with a high glycemic index.

In fact, the list of restrictions can go on for a very long time. But this is not proper nutrition, when every second product is strictly prohibited, and for an extra piece of food there is strict self-reproach, hatred of oneself and one's body increases. This is called an eating disorder. And in order not to control every piece eaten, it is best to come to a meaningful diet - to the intuitive, through a long way of trial and error. What does it mean?

This means that you will have to love yourself, come to terms with junk food, eat for your own pleasure and not get fat. But, we note that with intuitive nutrition, it is unlikely to lose weight. It is more likely to keep you comfortable.

In fact, the body itself knows what it wants, in what quantities. We just don’t know how to listen to him. And often we can not distinguish between real, physical hunger, from artificial - emotional.

Physical hunger is a real hunger when weakness appears, rumbling in the stomach, irritability: yes, we want to eat. When we are really hungry, we are ready to eat almost anything: that piece of bread, and the hated soup, and broccoli.

Emotional hunger is an attempt to seize some unpleasant emotion: frustration, boredom, resentment, longing, etc. Such hunger does not have physical manifestations (i.e. your body does not want to eat at this moment), it appears only in your head and wants something specific: ice cream, chocolate, a bun, a sandwich, cookies, a favorite cake. And it is this type of hunger that leads to overeating and weight gain. How to recognize them? Stop for a moment, put your hand to your stomach and ask yourself: "Do I really want to eat or am I feeling bad, sad, bored ...?" Think about what caused your desire. If you want “that I myself / I don’t know what” or “I wanted so sweet” (in this case, you can still want something harmful ", then this is emotional hunger. If you just simply want to eat and you feel the above symptoms of physical hunger is him. Your stove just needs firewood. Many books and articles have been written on this subject, as it is this type of nutrition that dietitians and all those who at least somehow understand the topic of nutrition have been actively advising. And as experts say, we were all initially conscious in terms of food intake. We asked to eat when we were hungry, we acted up, cried, shouted. We didn’t care what was - we just wanted to eat. Over time, when our diet expanded, and there was more information about food, we tried everything new, we began to lose our innate qualities of awareness. And now, when we became adults, we are trying to once again return the very habits that we had in infancy. How to come to an intuitive diet? In fact, there are several key principles that should be followed. There are not so many of them, and they are not as strict as those who adhere to strict proper nutrition (the one in which cookies are akin to death).

1. Forget about diets Diet is always equal to a lot of stress for both your brain and the body. And during stress, you always want to eat too much (we are talking about both serving size and unhealthy food). Food is not your enemy; food helps you live. Understand that you can afford absolutely everything you want, but the question is: is it really vital for you?   2. Make peace with junk food In fact, do not divide food into harmful and healthy. Look at food in terms of whether you need it or not. All diets require a strict restriction in food. And when something is forbidden to us, then we want this even more, even if unknowingly. During such diets, sooner or later, the very moment comes when we break down, and then for a long time we feel guilty, hating ourselves, our body. It’s much better to allow yourself that very bad food, but each time ask the mental question, “Do I need it? What will it bring me?” If we are talking about some kind of hamburger, then besides the extra calories, centimeters at the waist - nothing. And besides, the composition of hamburgers in fast food establishments always leaves much to be desired. You can cook it yourself - it will turn out to be healthier and tastier.3. Respect your hunger If you feel that you are hungry (we are talking about that same physical hunger) - eat. Feed yourself now, otherwise then you will start to eat everything that comes to your hand. Listen to your body and respond to the first manifestations of real physical hunger.4. Feel full Many nutrition control courses are advised to rate your hunger on a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is severe hunger and 10 is severe overeating. At the initial stage, try to remember all your feelings when you are hungry, full, start to hungry, eat too much, etc. Remember the most comfortable conditions for yourself. And the next time you want to eat, try to finish the meal at this very moment. Listen to the food that you eat: which one you like best, which one brings satisfaction, which one you are saturated faster, etc. There is one simple rule to eat less: just drink a glass of water 30 minutes before eating. Firstly, it is necessary to drink a large amount of liquid (including herbal teas, ivan tea). And secondly, this way you will get enough faster. But do not overdo it with the amount of liquid: there is no norm for everyone, feel yourself.5. Respect your emotions Each of your emotions, whether disappointment, resentment, anger, hatred, fear, has a reason. And understand that food cannot eliminate this emotion. Food only for a while can dull this experience, but in the end you will have not one problem, but two: your source of negative emotions and the consequences of overeating. Try to occupy yourself with something else to distract (not food), get positive emotions. Or figure out the source of your negative emotions and try to neutralize.6. Show respect for your body Just accept your body for what it is, even if you don’t like a lot of things in it. Your body is what it is, but that does not mean that you do not need to do it even better. You just have to do it with respect. And understand that there are things that do not depend on you - leg size, height, build, etc.7. Enjoy meals Allow yourself a certain time for a meal and eat slowly. Take your time, enjoy every bite. As much as we would not like to say this, it’s better not to watch TV, not to flip through the tape on social networks. Just take the time for yourself, your body. While eating, pause for 30 seconds, try to feel whether you are full or not. You will most likely realize that you need less food than you previously thought to be full. And if you still have food on your plate, and you have already eaten - it's okay. The main thing is to be in harmony with yourself, and you can eat food during the next meal. Make your dish beautifully, use spices (which, incidentally, promote fat burning and accelerate metabolism) and spices, decorate them. Cook in different ways: steam, cook, bake in the oven and on the grill, and even fry.