#at least i dont have to go in until friday so i have that long to psych myself up

[toastsnaffler]

bwueourhghhh

[bonny-kookoo]

Can we have a Drabble of take care Jk just being exhausted and having a little anxiety so he goes to YN to find some relief moment by just seeing her ?

🌼

I’m at work and I’m annoyed 😔

I'll provide some comfort until you're free from work 💜

Sometimes, things can get way too much. And today, he just feels like what he needs is to see at least some proof that he's not a total failure at his job.

There's been a mix up in two patients- nothing bad, but he should've checked twice. The name alert sticker was there, but somehow, he's been so stressed that he really overlooked it.

He barely caught the mistake before disaster.

But one look into your room tells him that his plan was a good one- because you're currently in your bed, but sat up, a small micro puzzle on the bedside table that you're still working on. He's brought a few of them in yesterday to both occupy you, and see how you work them out.

"Hey." He greets you, your tail happily wagging as you watch him walk closer, before he drags a small chair closer to your bed to look at your progress. "Do you like them?" He asks, and you nod.

"...I couldn't.. I had to put them back though." You admit, and he's thoroughly relieved to hear you speak a lot better than yesterday. He'd been a bit worried that you stayed quiet for so long- but you seemingly only needed a bit more time than usual to recover.

He notices quickly how strategic you go at the puzzle- having finished the outside border before you begin to finish it. It's a very interesting sight, and it just shows that there's so many deeper layers to you that just have been undiscovered until now.

"Which one's did you finish?" He wonders, and you show him three little boxes that have clearly been opened. "Already? You're fast, I gotta get you more difficult one's." He laughs, and you smile along, feeding off the praise.

But then your tail falls limp again, as you look at the table a bit more sadly.

"I'll.. Jimin said I'll get discharged on Friday." You say. "Do you.. know where I'll go?" You ask, and he feels his heart clench.

He doesn't know.

Currently, there's no clear plan since it's still two days away, but there's been talks with a nearby carecenter who would take you in for now, and have you set up for individual housing with a caregiver. But for now, you've got nowhere to go.

And he himself still hasn't made a definitive decision, paperwork unsigned back home. He really wishes he could give you a clear answer, but he can't- not yet.

"Dont worry about that." He instead tells you, hand on your head for a second before he stands up.

Leaving you behind, even though he really doesn't want to.

[xxlady-lunaxx]

Hehe i think you arleady know me cause i am litteraly the queen of spam anyways PLEASE can you do a uzugiyuu thing when like Tengen (and maybe his wives) got jealous cause his so called husband Giyuu is too close with Shinobu or smth like that (dont mind my grammar i am french) anyways that's all i love you and your post very much btw💗💗

keep spamming me i love it and i love you too <3 tysm

Giyuu wasn’t quite sure how or when he’d been proclaimed Tengen’s husband, but he honestly didn’t mind. Especially since the four Uzui’s had a tendency to keep him company whenever or wherever he was, without a care in the world. Their enthusiasm was contagious and Giyuu was all for it, as long as they weren’t barging into his house again. But as much as he appreciated their constant patience with him and how much they claimed to love him, there was definitely cons to this relationship they’d established. One being Tengen’s something something jealousy and the arguments that erupted constantly between him and Shinobu. Somehow, Tengen had decided that Shinobu was ‘hogging’ Giyuu and had taken it into his own hands to warn Shinobu to ‘back off.’ Or something.

Giyuu found himself stuck in between the two—which was very disorienting because of Tengen and Shinobu’s height differences so that it felt like the words were ping ponging around him. He was getting dizzy at all the shouting and snapping. He didn’t even understand Tengen’s logic when he said that Giyuu was his—mostly because Shinobu had no interest in dating Giyuu and that was apparent, even to Sanemi. There was something about being tugged from Tengen’s arms to being pulled by Shinobu to being snatched back by Tengen that didn’t quite sit right with Giyuu. But when he voiced the opinion, Tengen spoke over him and Shinobu told him—Giyuu—to shut up. Which was all well and all, so he was yanked around like an idiot until Tengen settled the argument by carrying Giyuu away.

Eventually, Giyuu found himself hoisted over Tengen’s shoulder and marched to the Uzui household. At least, he thought, Tengen’s wives were quite to intervene and have him put down. So while they coddled him and Hinatsuru had a word with Tengen about all this manhandling, Giyuu walked the rest of the way to the Estate, accompanied by Makio and Suma. They questioned him, knowing how Tengen probably had been earlier. Giyuu figured they must be quite used to this by now.

He assured them that Shinobu had also played a part in it so his disheveled state mustn’t be blamed purely on Tengen. Nevertheless, they hustled him inside and took down his ponytail to assist in brushing his hair out and dusting him off. He supposed it wasn’t all too bad, then. What with Hinatsuru and Tengen joining them soon after. Hours later, Giyuu found himself bundled up in a futon with the four Uzui’s, the women in the pile all fast asleep. Tengen was wide awake, as was Giyuu, mostly because he was aware of missions he had to attend to in a bit and refused to let himself sleep. He took the chance to assure Tengen that he, in fact, did not see Shinobu in any romantic light. And that she was more of a friend to him, or a sister. Tengen agreed, though he didn’t bother apologizing for earlier. Which was the end of that.

Except it really wasn’t because the next day, when going over to the Butterfly Estate for a check up—his original plans yesterday before Tengen crashed the party—he found Shinobu and Tengen bickering. Sensing immediately that it was about the thing from the day before, he took a safer route and went to a sympathetic Aoi for his check up instead.

im out of ideas my brain is fried HELPP im sorry its friday im ready to sleep

[theotherbuckley]

Fuck it Friday 🖋️

Tagged by @wikiangela <333

Guys I have officially written smut (which @diazsdimples was kind enough to read through thank you 🙏🏾). Ok I’m not gonna share it today though but I thought yall should know👀 currently it’s only really unhealthy sex with Buck and someone who isn’t Eddie BUT DONT WORRY I’ll make it up to y’all and have Buddie smut eventually in this fic too. Btw this is healing fic but like you knew that I haven’t written anything else for a while. Anyway here’s some more of that fic:

365 days after Eddie gets shot, Buck breaks.

He needs something stronger than a few beers, needs something to make him feel better, at least for a little while. So he opens his liquor cabinet and pulls out a bottle he thinks is Gin and he gets ready to pour himself a glass when he wonders what the point of having a glass is. He hasn’t done the dishes in far too long and they’re piling up at the sink. So what’s the point of having another glass to wash up. He looks down at his feet, where the broken shards are still there, he knows there’s cuts on his feet, he can see specks of blood dotted on the floor, but he can’t feel anything. His body is just so numb.

He takes a swig from the bottle, dropping to sit on the floor, his head knocking against the cabinet doors. He takes another sip.

And another.

And another.

And another and another until his body feels lighter, and the world spins around him when he tries to stand up. And he laughs. He laughs because he’s still there and everyone else is gone. He laughs because he never thought he’d be back here. He laughs because he’s a fool, a fuck-up. He laughs because he knows he was always going to end up here, with too many scars littered on his skin, with a brain that hates itself, and a body falling apart. Alone, just like he was when he was 14 years old.

I realise that nothing I share from this fic is in any sort of linear order but to be fair I don’t write in a linear order a lot of the time either so 🤷🏽‍♀️

Ok so tagging the moots 💗💗 @disasterbuckdiaz @fortheloveofbuddie @jeeyuns @wildlife4life @honestlydarkprincess @eddiebabygirldiaz @spagheddiediaz @jesuisici33 @your-catfish-friend @ladydorian05 @giddyupbuck @eowon @elvensorceress @watchyourbuck @steadfastsaturnsrings @housewifebuck @thewolvesof1998 @king-buckley @rainbow-nerdss @cal-daisies-and-briars @malewifediaz @evanbegins @diazsdimples @bucksbirthmark  @puppyboybuckley @underwater-ninja-13 @daffi-990 @fionaswhvre @aspecbuddie @lover-of-mine @nmcggg @tizniz @monsterrae1 please tell me if you want to be added or removed !!!

[moonchildstyles]

fic announcement and sneak peek!

hiiiii besties!!!

I said a while back when I announced columba that I would be coming back with another series for both Tumblr and patreon this summer and that time has come :)))))))))))

for the last four years Ive had this idea in my head for a super special h that ive just let build a home in my heart that kept growing and growing and growing! now ive finally had a chance to write it all out and make him real with a fun story and lots of little details to make him who he is!

I don't want to spoil too much about him just because I want there to be a little mystery for him and theres so many fun details that I think will be really fun to put together when you dont' know what he's up to!

so, starting on June 30th, Rosemary will begin being posted with a new part every friday here on Tumblr! Patreon will be getting early access with the first part being posted on June 16th, and every friday after! an extended sneak peek is also up on my patreon rn!

If you are interested in reading the new story, please wait until June 1st to sign up so you only get charged once at the beginning of the month and theres a full 30 days before the next charge!

you can also check out the Pinterest board I made for the fic!

let me know if you guys have any questions about anything! im sooooo excited and cannot wait for you all to read!

under the cut is a sneak peek :)

—————

"Thank you, Harry!" 

The bow girl's chirping gratitude only had Harry looking at her stiffly with a grumbled Yeah falling from his lips. Just as she had done the last couple of months since she made herself a presence during his shifts, she only gave him a smile before bouncing away with her basket only containing a carton of banana milk and her favorite cookies. She was no longer perturbed by the standoffish responses he gave her. Harry couldn't decide if he liked that or not. 

It was like this at least a couple of times a week. She never did a big shop, only stopping by at the later times to pick up individual ingredients for a dinner she had chatted to him about, or little snacks she couldn't seem to go a day without. During at least one of her trips, she found an excuse to talk to Harry; she asked him about his day if she was close enough to feel comfortable starting a question (Harry never gave her a good answer, honestly), she told him about her own day and what she was shopping for if there was anything specific she had in mind. She almost always had a bow pinned her hair, fluttering behind her and matching whatever soft piece of clothing she had cinched around her form. Harry had even began fishing out a pack of her favorite cookies from his boxes if he was stocking that aisle, just to make it easy if she came in and asked him for assistance. It made the interactions quicker and less bothersome—at least that's what he told himself. 

He knew more about her and her routines than he had any of the hundreds of people he'd met in the last handful of years since he started moving around. Even if that did make him feel a bit guilty knowing that she didn't have a clue about who exactly she was sharing these parts of herself with; she didn't know the mess she was tiptoeing around every time she interacted with him. 

Tonight was no different, her leaving a rattling in Harry's bones that he wanted nothing more than to ignore like every other part of his life. If he was superstitious, he would think she could have cast some kind of spell on him with the way she and her little bows lingered in his brain long after she had checked out and gone on her way home. 

That rattling followed him as he made his way into the backroom, his empty box needing to be replaced. An exasperated sigh fought to leave his chest when he saw almost half of the overnight team huddled in the area, puttering about as they chattered and pretended to work. He didn't like being roped into their conversations, and that almost always happened when he ran into more than two of them at once. 

Harry didn't say a word as he broke down the cardboard box on his cart, pushing it off to the pile of the other flattened boxes before he reached for another. The conversations had quieted some when he walked in, but he could still hear what sounded like Brett and Fawn flirting in the back corner with a cart of refrigerated items that needed to go on the opposite end of the store, and Theo talking to two of the other guys that Harry didn't bother to remember their names. 

"Busy night, huh, Harry?" Theo started, dropping whatever topic he had been rambling his friends about just a moment before. 

"Yeah," Harry answered, voice stiff. It wasn't any more busy than any other night as far as he was concerned. Besides, he had other things he needed to worry about to be making conversation with a coworker he barely knew. There was still a pearl colored ribbon tying his stomach in tiny knots that he needed to fix. 

Soon enough, a silence fell through the backroom when the others made their way out. Only Harry and Theo were left, Harry doing his part to semi-organize his chosen box before heading out on the floor again. 

Maybe it was the rattling in his bones, or the vision of a peach colored bow that he saw every time he blinked, but something in Harry felt a little reckless when he peeked over at Theo focusing on his own box. 

"That girl," Harry rumbled, feeling odd in his skin as he spoke, "The one with the bows in her hair... She comes in a lot." 

Theo looked taken aback for a moment, his eyes wide with furrowed brows as he looked in Harry's direction. He even glanced over his shoulder as if there was anyone else there for the conversation to be aimed at. Harry had to keep from scoffing, dropping his gaze back to his working hands. 

Floundering over his words, Theo tried to catch up once he realized Harry was voluntarily talking. "Um, the one with bows in her hair?" 

Harry hummed in response. "She's in a couple of times a week." 

"Ohhh," Theo sounded, familiarity touching his tone, "You mean (Y/N)?" 

Harry swallowed at the sound of her name. He'd never asked for it himself. "If that's her name, yeah." 

From the corner of his eye, Harry could see Theo nodding his head some. "She comes in a lot, yeah. She's not good at keeping a list and always forgets stuff if she tries to do big shops, so she just comes in when she wants something or runs out." 

Though he didn't want this information to mean something to him, Harry felt a part of himself slowing being fulfilled the more details he learned. She didn't tell him these kinds of things when she rambled about her dinner choice for the night. 

Keeping his gaze tacked to his hands, Harry kept his words measured and calculated. "Oh," he started, "Is she from here?" 

"She's lived here forever, yeah. Why?" 

A beat passed as Harry opted to ignore the second part of Theo's response. He didn't need to have any details as to why Harry was asking after someone after working together for five months with only a handful of interactions. Even if he did want to share that, Harry didn't have any answers to that why, anyway. 

"Does she... What does she do?" Harry asked, the phrasing of his words feeling awkward falling out of his mouth. He was lucky he was so used to shielding his emotions and staying stoic, otherwise he would have cringed where he stood. 

"Like for work?" Theo asked, his eyes warm on Harry's profile. 

Lifting his shoulders, Harry only shrugged in response. It was probably a good idea to keep his mouth shut. 

"She—uh—she works at the bakery. She and my sister work there together," Theo told him, acting as if Harry was supposed to know what bakery he was talking about and who his sister was. "(Y/N)'s pretty nice, though." 

"Right," was all Harry offered by the time he finished organizing his box. He didn't bother to give anything more in response or wait for Theo to say more before he was walking out on the floor again. Even when he could feel his eyes stuck to his back.

No doubt would this interaction make its way to the rest of the team before the end of the shift. 

It was harmless curiosity, Harry argued. He just had to believe the harmless part. 

—————

[imaginingaustin]

me, her, and the moon

summary: when you wake up after a bad dream, austin finds you stargazing as you try to ease your mind.

you returned home from work one evening to a wonderful smelling meal. you walked through your entry way into the kitchen to find austin unloading the delivery bags that were spread across the counter.

“perfect timing! the food just got here.” he said with a smile. you walked over to him, pressing a quick kiss to his lips before going to your room to change from your work clothes. you walked back out to the dining room where austin had plates made of food. you sat down with him and started eating, making small talk and catching each other up about your days.

“i’m just glad its friday and i dont have to worry about work again until i go back on tuesday.” 

“you’re off monday?” he asked, raising a brow.

“yes, fortunately. my manager gave me the day off because they ‘recognize how hard i’ve been working and can see that i am pulling more than my fair share of work.’” you said, mimicking your manager’s voice, causing austin to laugh.

“well, i can vouch for that. you have been working really hard these past few weeks and deserve much more than just an extra day. but at least your boss can recognize that.” austin said, and you nodded in agreement.

“i’m just waiting for summer when work calms down. then i wanna take trip, just me and you. i don’t care where, but i need to be on a beach with a margarita in my hand.”

“that sounds like a perfect idea. i’ll get planning right away.” austin said with a smile. you finished dinner, and lounged on the couch watching tv before you started to fall asleep. the two of you moved got ready for bed, you quickly falling asleep once your head hit the pillow.

a few hours later, you were jolted awake by a nightmare. you sat up in bed, panting and trying to catch your breath while remaining as quiet as possible so you didn’t wake austin. his light snores filled the room, bringing you back down to earth. you watched him sleep, heart swelling at the sight, as your breath finally calmed. you quietly climbed out of bed, grabbing your water bottle from the nightstand, and moving to the living room. you contemplated turning on the tv, but ultimately decided to move out onto the back patio, beautifully illuminated by the moon.

you plopped down on the patio couch, looking up at the stars, finding peace in counting them. it allowed you take your mind off the nightmare you’d had, and sitting with the ambiance of the night was calming. you sat out there for a while before you heard the back door open. you turned to the noise to find austin stepping out onto the patio.

“hey, did i wake you?” you asked.

“not immediately. i rolled over and reached out for you, but came up empty handed.” he sighed. “what are you doing out here?” he asked as he sat down with you. he placed his arm around your shoulder and you leaned into his side.

“i had a bad dream. i forgot what it was as soon as i opened my eyes, but i just know that it was stressing me out and i was sweating really bad.” you sighed. “i had a headache when i got out of bed, but it seems to have subsided since i’ve cooled down.”

“i’m sorry.” austin said, looking at you with a pout.

“it’s okay. its just the stress of work building up and me finally hitting the wall. hopefully it’ll subside once i’m less busy.” you sighed, intertwining your fingers with austin’s, pressing a kiss to the back of his hand.

“then we’ll be on the beach and you'll have margaritas in both of your hands.” he laughed. 

“oh that’s even better than what i suggested.” you laughed. you and austin sat there quietly as you continued watching the stars. you started to fall asleep on austin’s shoulder, and you let you rest for as long as he could before he himself got uncomfortable. you were deep asleep by that point, so he gently lifted you from the couch and carried you back to bed. unknown to you, he stayed up for a little bit longer, watching you sleep, making sure that you stayed asleep. once you’d been asleep for about an hour, he went back to sleep, holding you tight in his arms.

[pastanest]

if you’re wondering why I’m having to repost this, or why you were perhaps previously following me but no longer are, please refer to this post. I was able to retrieve this thanks to @rosieathena - thanks so much!! ♡

Spencer Reid x gender neutral!reader

First Kiss

As per usual on a Friday night, you and Spencer were cuddled up on your armchair watching horror movies. Despite it being a couch built for just one person, and you having a perfectly good normal sized couch also in the room, you and Spencer always silently decided to share that armchair. As an escape from the stresses of your shared careers, you tried your best to ensure that every Friday spent not working a case, was instead spent hanging out with each other. Because best friends who see each other literally everyday at work need an excuse to hang out at each other’s homes, right?

That particular Friday though, was different. The evening started off the same as any other, with you and Spencer choosing a couple of horror flicks to watch until you inevitably passed out wrapped up in each other, a jumpscare would wake you sometime later leading to you both stumbling up to your bed, to fall asleep with your backs pressed together, only to wake up in the morning with your head on his chest - or at least, that’s how you imagined the night would go.

A jumpscare sent your face hiding away in Spencer’s button up shirt as you squealed in fright, and he chuckled.

“After all the horrors we see on a daily basis, you’re still scared by fiction like this?” He teased.

“Of course! We dont encounter supernatural beings that can never die and will continue to stalk you until you die!” You protested, causing Spencer to laugh harder at how jokingly defensive you had gotten.

“Alright, alright, that justifies it.” He noticed that you were still hiding, and his tone changed. “Nothing is going to come and get you, you know, I wouldnt let it within ten miles of you.”

You giggled, pulling away from his chest to look up at him and meet his gaze, which was already locked on you in concern. “You’re the sweetest.”

Spencer smiled at your words. “Only to you.” He paused, and the room fell silent, the sounds of the horror movie suddenly so distant that you pondered if the television had turned itself off, but in reality the moment had wrapped around the both of you and was separating you from everything else.

“Can I kiss you?” Spencer whispered, his voice sounding dazed, but still nervous with the weight of what he was asking.

You nodded wordlessly, and your eyes fluttered closed as he leaned into you. As soon as his lips made contact with yours, the whole world seemed to stop and enjoy the long awaited scene that was unfolding. Silent fireworks of every colour ignited as your souls danced together, the most beautiful sentiments being exchanged between you without the need for words. Your mind was blank while simultaneously being filled with thoughts of him, the sensation of his hair between your fingers, his lips on yours, the countless images of his smile that you have been lucky enough to have ingrained in your memory, the sound of his voice, the sound of his heart. You had never felt more encapsulated in your life, you were completely trapped by him in the most beautifully free way, and it was everything you had ever dreamed it could be.

Pulling away, the both of you stared into each other’s eyes, breathing heavily. Spencer bit his lower lip, and you could see an expression that was a mixture of disbelief and worry, which mirrored yours. Both of you were caught in the confusion of what had just happened, and whether the other felt the same. But words were lost, neither of you could find any, there were none to say. Your breath caught in your throat, and before you had time to mentally talk yourself out of it, you pulled him back into another kiss, sending your feelings loud and clear in the only way you knew how. And the reciprocation from Spencer was enough to confirm that he felt the same way. His arms went to your waist and pulled you onto his lap so that you were straddling him, your hands grabbing at each other with a previously wittheld desperation that had finally been unleashed.

First, Spencer broke off into a smile, and you quickly followed suit, causing the kiss to break into a fit of giggles. No words were exchanged, they werent needed, you just turned yourself back around and rested your head on his shoulder, trying to get back into the horror film that you had been ignoring. But, when you looked up and planted a kiss on Spencer’s cheek as though acting on autopilot, you knew that it would be utterly impossible to focus on anything but him.

[wonwoonlight]

something fluffy / yoon jeonghan

➝ Reader x Jeonghan (?)

➝ coffee shop!au // slice of life // fluff // nonidol!au // OC has a platonic (?) crush on han but who doesnt

➝ word count: 2.4k

➝ haven cloud masterlist (can be read as standalone)

➝ What’s playing in Haven Cloud

➝ A/N: i have no idea why this is going slower than i expected and i cant help but feel sorry ;-; hopefully i'll be able to finish this before the year ends? or is that too low of a goal anyway i hope you enjoyed this and pls dont forget to drop by and tell me your thoughts &lt;3

When you had only started working in Haven Cloud, you’re not sure what to make of Jeonghan.

The guy is way too beautiful not to be a celebrity, and when he greeted you with a wink and a playful smile, you didn’t even dare to think he was flirting with you because there’s no way someone like him would have that kind of motives towards old plain you.

Still, it was a little hard figuring out what to make of him, and it’s only after three months that you finally understood that Jeonghan is just naturally friendly towards everyone that he’s sometimes borderline flirty with or without meaning to. One thing for sure though: it’s clear that Jeonghan never has any ill intentions, and contrary to how he looks, Jeonghan is quite easily persuaded if you just whine a little and pull your pitiful face.

In short, Yoon Jeonghan is just a big softie for those around him despite the cool, flirty image he’s holding up as Haven Cloud’s one and only handsome pastry chef. And it’s not helping the, uh, admiration you have for him. It’s a crush at most, one that you used to have towards a senior in high school; that you know wouldn’t grow into anything else and is barely even romantic.

You suppose Jeonghan is much too easy on the eyes, and as much as you have nothing romantic towards him, sometimes you still get flustered when he stares at you a little too long, or when he mindlessly pokes your cheek just to annoy you.

“Say aah,” his airy voice suddenly says, a piece of tiny choux almost forcibly shoved into your lips that you have no choice but follow as he says. “How is it?”

You hum as you appreciate the sudden sweet exploding in your mouth. Jeonghan has been doing this a lot these days, making all of you try his latest creation because he’s been experimenting with new ingredients and new techniques for a future event Chan has briefed you all a few weeks ago.

“Mmm. Definitely not your best work, but it’s better than the last choux you made.” You scrunch your nose and look at Jeonghan apologetically. He puffs air into his cheeks, a little upset but grateful nevertheless for your honesty. “It tastes good. But the dough is a little too heavy for some reason. What fillings do you have so far?”

“Chocolate, vanilla, and chocolate rum.”

“Chocolate rum?” You look at him in betrayal. Vanilla is literally your least favorite flavour out of the three but that’s what he’s been feeding you these whole time? “I want to try chocolate rum!”

Jeonghan looks conflicted for a second, but it’s Seungkwan’s annoying voice that answers you.

“Too bad he’s already perfected the chocolate rum,” he grins, popping a small choux into his mouth.

“You made Seungkwan try the chocolate rum?” You whine, pouting at the older guy like a child as Seungkwan teases you some more before making his way back to the hall.

“To be fair, I’m currently trying out the doughs, not the fillings. I’d be wasting too much ingredients if I made chocolate rum fillings for all of my trials.” He smiles at you sheepishly, though you don’t relent until he promises he’ll make another batch next week.

“Next week? It’s Friday and I’m craving them now because of you.”

Truthfully, Jeonghan can simply ignore you and be done with it. He knows you well enough to know you’re not actually angry at him, that you’re just playing annoying and you definitely don’t mind waiting until next week. But, like you’ve said earlier, Jeonghan is a big softie and sometimes he’s unsure how to say no to everyone in the cafe because the big brother in him strives to both make all of you suffer and cater to all of your needs.

“Actually, I’m going to the cafe tomorrow to make them so you can drop by if you want?”

“We’re off tomorrow, though? Didn’t Chan say he has somewhere to be and decided to just close the cafe for the weekend?”

“Yep. I asked if I could borrow the kitchen for practice and he said okay.” Jeonghan shrugs, then reminds you rush hour is coming in a bit and you should probably leave the kitchen before Chan yells at you again. “So. Come by if you don’t have anything to do? Or you can always eat them on Monday, I suppose.”

You eye the tray of choux next to Jeonghan, and you swear you can taste the chocolate rum in your mouth if you stare at them long enough.

Guess you’re going to the cafe tomorrow.

“How do you perfect the shape, exactly?” Soonyoung looks at the dough curiously as Jeonghan works on them. 

“I’m just talented that way,” the older guy shrugs with nonchalance, a lazy grin on his face and it blooms into a laugh when you threaten to pour more water into his dough so he couldn’t shape them. “Why are you here again?”

“Didn’t have anything to do and Cherrie said she’s coming to the cafe to be a ‘choux tester’ so I decided I want to become one too.”

You barely listen as the two guys continue to talk, opening the small fridge you guys use to store your food right next to the big fridge for the cafe’s necessity. It’s almost lunch now, and you skipped breakfast because you couldn’t be bothered to make anything, which means you’re hungrier than you usually are at these hours but you’re not hungry enough to eat an actual meal right now.

“Han, can I eat these?” you ask as you show him a slice of crepe cake. “Is this yours?”

“Yeah, sure. I bought it then forgot to eat it.”

He chuckles when you squeal a little and do your usual tiny dance when you get to eat desserts. Most of the time, he’s sure you’re working in Haven Cloud for the discounted dessert and all the dishes he makes you try.

He’s not complaining though, one of the reasons why he became a pastry chef in the first place is because of how happy his sister was when he asked her to taste his first perfect baking and how her eyes twinkled in delight once the spoon went inside her mouth. So to see you, or anyone, really, being delighted over desserts is something that always swells his heart.

“Han, say ‘aah’.” Jeonghan jumps when your face pops right in front of his, a small spoon shoved into his lips. He hums once he tastes the layers of cake, his mind already separating the ingredients within. “Where did you even buy this? It tastes better than the usual crepe cake we buy.”

“My sister’s friend has just opened a new bakery and their signature dish is this cake.” He nods in approval as he swallows. He’s always liked crepe cake, but they’re too much of a bother to make that he never bothers trying. If there’s one pastry he wouldn’t make, it’s this one; they’re too much work and having to put them layer by layer will never end for someone who strives for perfection like Yoon Jeonghan. “It does taste much better than I expected. Give me another bite.”

You snicker before you feed him another then take a bite yourself, and it’s Soonyoung who snickers next, looking at you both with a shake of his head.

“Do you realize you guys act like a married couple sometimes?” He huffs, then walks towards you to also take a bite. He’s oblivious of the flustered look the both of you have, too busy appreciating the taste to notice you’ve gone quiet out of nowhere. “Anyway, should we order lunch?”

Jeonghan snaps out of it first, only a little taken aback because he’s never really had anyone say anything of that kind to him. Despite what he’s heard people say about him, Jeonghan actually has very little experience in romance and is very shy when it comes to it.

“Mmm. I’m kinda craving for some katsu, actually.”

“Ooh, I know a good place!” Soonyoung answers almost immediately, his face lighting up. “But it’s not available for delivery. You guys wanna go there or…?”

“Jeonghan can’t leave his dough, Soon,” you scrunch your nose and take out your phone to open the delivery app. “Let’s eat something else.”

“Or I can go by myself. I don’t mind.” Your best friend shrugs. “It’s not that far from here too and I want them too now that I’ve mentioned it.”

As per usual Kwon Soonyoung style, he’s out of the door before any of you can stop him. But, then again, you know you’d be too hungry later on if you take more time to ponder about what to eat so it might be for the better that he goes to buy food now.

“He didn’t even ask what kind of katsu we want to eat.” Jeonghan chuckles to himself and continues his way with his dough. “By the way. If you open the big fridge, I already have a batch of chocolate rum choux ready.”

You light up at the mention of the sweet treat that Jeonghan actually laughs out loud. “When did you make these?!”

“I’ve been here since seven in the morning,” he grins, and then tells you the current batch he’s working on is the last one for choux because he needs to practice for the other menu. “I think I found out why I kept on messing the dough. The batch this morning is almost perfect, so…”

You pop one of the choux into your mouth, and you frown the same time you squeal about how good it is. “This is perfect! What could you possibly fix for this?”

“You’d know,” he winks and cracks his neck from side to side. “God, my neck is stiff. I’ve been making these for hours.”

“You should rest then.” You look at him in worry, and it’s only then that you realize how he has hot patches on the back of his neck and on his arms. He always gets like this when he wants to perfect a recipe, and while it’s admirable that he’s going to this extent, it always worries you everytime it happens. “You’re about done with the dough, aren’t you? A little more and you can leave it in the oven?”

Jeonghan nods and exhales a deep breath; he really doesn’t want to rest now, but his arms are hurting and he knows it’s going to be a pain in the ass on Monday if he continues working. Thankfully, he finishes in about ten minutes and, after putting them inside the oven, the both of you go out of the kitchen to sit down on one of the sofas in the cafe.

“Christ, my back,” Jeonghan stretches from his seat. “What are you making?”

“Tea. You old man can’t handle too much caffeine, right?” You tease him from behind the counter. “I’ll make you some peppermint tea to help you relax.”

Jeonghan isn’t usually too fond of tea either and you know this, but he agrees that peppermint does make him relax and it’s something he direly needs right now.

You slide into the seat next to him out of habit, because it’s usually you and Jeonghan, Seungkwan and Chan. You share a look with him for a second and laugh at the same time, probably thinking of the same thing at that moment. You’re about to move and sit in front of him when he pulls you down, his head immediately claiming the spot on your shoulder so you’d stay in place.

“You make a good pillow,” he claims, his voice so soft like he’s about to fall asleep any second. As if on cue, he yawns into your shoulder, his fluffy hair tickling your cheek. “How longer do you think it’d take Soonyoung to come back?”

“In about 15 minutes. He texted me just now. You can take a short nap, I’ll wake you up once the food is here?” You offer, unsure if Jeonghan is more sleepy than he is hungry.

“Mmm. 15 minutes is cool,” he moves away from your shoulder and tells you to move to the edge of the sofa. You follow his words without even asking why, and, before you can even ask, he lays down sideways on your lap, facing away from you.

You chuckle at the familiar scene in front of you. These boys can be very soft at times and it’s beyond cute. Chan is the youngest but he’s literally the only one that doesn’t hog you; Seungkwan and Jeonghan would do this from time to time, just latch on to you in any way possible when they’re extremely tired and are in need of physical comfort. (Sometimes they latch on each other too, but they always choose you when you’re around for some reason.)

You let Jeonghan sleep 5 minutes longer before waking him up, the food Soonyoung brought is already set on the table by then. He groans a little when you bounce your legs, then takes three more minutes to actually get back to his senses. He’s just about to take a bite when the familiar ding of the oven rings throughout the kitchen, so, to no one’s surprise, he abandons his food and dashes to get his choux out of the oven.

The smell that fills the room once Jeonghan comes out with a tray of choux is heavenly, and you, too, abandon your food for the sake of tasting the choux first.

“Did you fill this with chocolate rum too?”

“Some of them, yeah, because there was a bit left. But most of them are vanilla.”

You happily take the choux Jeonghan hands you, the pastry still warm that you blow air into it out of reflex. Jeonghan looks at you in expectation, then breaks into a wide grin when your eyes widen the moment you swallow. That’s how he knows his dessert is a big success.

“Han, what the hell!” You hit his shoulder harder than you meant to. “How did you make it so fluffy on the inside but crispy on the outside? This is the fluffiest choux I’ve ever had!” 

“Not the most delicious?” he grins, then takes a bite himself and urges Soonyoung to taste some too.

“Like it’s not obvious.” You roll your eyes, then tell him you’re bringing some home and he has no right to tell you otherwise. “This will be sold out in seconds. Tell you what, maybe we should not serve this. I kinda want them all to myself”

Jeonghan scrunches his nose shyly at the compliment, then tells you to shut up before he picks up his katsu again. Despite knowing he’s good at this, there’s something about getting validations from the people in Haven Cloud that makes him happy; perhaps it’s the fact that he knows for sure these people appreciate him and his works.

And as he watches you and Soonyoung hum happily at the taste of his choux, Jeonghan is once again glad he chooses to become a pastry chef.

©wonwoonlight – all rights reserved.

A/N 2: I might get rid of the taglist because, to be honest, it turns to be quite a lot of work to tag every user one by one due to tumblrs ass system and, if i'm being quite frank, it gets discouraging to tag people and not get feedback from even 10% of them soo, yeah

🏷permanent taglist: @kyeomjjigae @stantrash171819 @sebongmochi @luveveryonewoo @thinkinboutwonu @kpopjackie @ursweetener @lavenderautumnx @itsveronicaxxx @shuahoshiscoups @sunshinein17 @leechanniee @twogyuu @hoe4wonwoo @h3h3tm0n @noraehey @seokshook @rubyhoons @02psh @just-here-to-read-01 @listxn @janandbeyond @pearlygraysky @baekhyunstruly

🏷haven cloud taglist: @berriesandjunnie @boowanie @honeymoondelicia @joshuahongnumbers @bbymatz @baldi-2 @justasoftstan @lechanters @darl-ings @17kwans @heesunki @13956789 @yoonguurt @yoonzinosworld @alicehatter457 @wonuziex @bibinnieposts @horranghaesakura @oliviaheaven @trumanblackhatesyou @qiuscloud @cherriscoups @sstarryreads @joonsytip @jwwonu @meowtella

[writingonleaves]

clementine sandoval x the blue au: stadium series edition!!! i'm still a bit pissed at myself that it completely slipped my mind while i was writing the first part apologies that it's so long lol i wish i was normal

on friday when devs had their night practice and there was the family skate, clem was not there bc realistically, she couldn't get a night off right before a full day off on saturday. but she cannot skate for her life so this was probably a good thing that no camera could capture her eating shit

saturday comes, clem's bundled up, a devils sweatshirt under her puffer jacket, a red scarf she knitted ages ago, fuzzy red socks and a devils beanie she stole from jack's closet. she didn't want to have to choose between jerseys.

ellen and jim flew in, and so did maeve since MA public schools just started their february break. all the hughes family around the area showed up too.

i was gonna say clem would meet nina and reno now but i have that already planned out in the next part so we're gonna say they dont cross paths and chalk it up to everyone being busy with their own families

i can imagine clem wanted to take part in all the tailgates and excitement tbh so to me she's like jason kelce at the bills tailgates. i heard somewhere that at the nhl awards, ellen was knocking shots back like a champ the night before, so in my world, ellen is def with her walking around these tailgates. at least for an hour or so

and obviously, a lot of devils fans recognize ellen and welcome her into their celebrations and then she introduces clem to everyone as "my daughter! the fourth hughes child!" or something like that

does she shotgun a beer with a fan as people cheer her on? yeah. does she knock a few shots back with ellen and that gets the crowd pumping? hell yeah. were videos of both instances circling around social media with captions like “quinn, jack and luke who? met the superior hughes sibling today”? you bet. devils twitter / hockey twitter in general ate it up

one of clem's fave ever pics of her and ellen is taken by a kind fan at one of these tailgates

the vibes are just so incredibly high even before they head to their seats. it just keeps going at the start of the game right until to end

i like the idea of clem not knowing at all what the boys' entrance outfits were and finding out along with everyone else. she is with the fam waiting to get to their seats and just bursts out laughing when she goes on twitter (her eyes widen when she sees nico's fit but no one needs to know that!)

wont bore anyone with play by play of the game. yes clem screamed her head off when nico scored. she chugged a beer after toffoli scored (its cold!!! gotta keep warm), she almost falls when smith scores. she misses nate's 1st but still screams bc everyone around her is screaming. she jumps out of her seat so quickly for nico's 2nd goal. clem is full out vibing for nate's 2nd and is just dancing around

she has this moment where she realizes that …. if this is what the start of her next chapter of life is going to look like, it ain’t so bad. first time since she’s moved back east where she’s like …. okay yeah this could be home <3

[toastsnaffler]

spoke too soon abt my fucking period 😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐

[navire190413]

sooooooooo i passed jlpt n1! i officially have proof that i am somewhat fluent in japanese. very surprised i passed since i drank until 3 am the night before and i was so hungover the room was spinning while doing the reading section. my score even isnt that bad haha.

this weekend was a whirlwind. spent everyday with x-chan and was all ラブラブwith him, like we usually are. went to Uotoku, a fancy-ish 海鮮 izakaya in Ikebukuro, on friday night as a date. i made the mistake of reserving a table on their rooftop... i assumed they would have fans like most outside dining places do, but no such luck. it was incredibly hot. we just ate バターホタテ andマグロ刺身 then left because x-chan couldn't keep himself from complaining about how much he was sweating.

then we went to an old-style izakaya that was super cheap. while using the smoking booth, an older man came in and started talking to me about whats it like living in tokyo as an american and my tattoos. i thought nothing of it. just casual small talk while awkwardly standing in a glass box together. when i got back to the table, x-chan was upset that i spoke to another man and didnt just ignore him instead.

random picture of me in the smoking booth x-chan took of me lol

after the izakaya, we went to our usual bar since it was our friend's birthday party. we picked her out some stuff from Lush before going on our date that night.

after the bar, i tried confessing to him in front of ikebukuro station (hahahahah), but it just turned into a fight about how we have no trust between us and my heart isn't pure (i dont want to explain what happened between us in the past. neither of us cheated, physically or emotionally. he just has insane expectations about what is "good behaviour"). we were fighting for so long we almost missed the last train. basically it came down to the fact that since im pursuing him right now, i shouldnt see other guys but since he's not pursuing me, if he has a chance to take a girl on a date he wouldn't say no if he thought he would come to like her. soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

but despite the argument, we still hungout on saturday. we went to our usual izakaya in ikebukuro and laughed about how big of alcoholics we've turned into. after that we went to the pokemon center at sunshine city. x-chan bought me some new handkerchiefs since im collecting them, and a mimikyu coin case since i desperately needed one. afterwards we went to gacha-pon like we always do. he really wanted a cool pokemon gacha, so we went to gigo after sunshine city to try to find one. we found a cool gachapon but he ended up getting 2 of the pokemon he wanted the least, so we just weny to our usual bar and left them there since it’s littered with gacha toys.

a really drunk woman started talking to us, and asking about our relationship. i told her we were exes, so of course she had to ask about what happened and why the fuck we're casually drinking with eachother and hugging on eachother. she first sided with x-chan, then sided with me and eventually told me to find a better guy if he decides to not pick me in the end because im too cute and カッコいい for that shit. that pissed x-chan off, but i convinced him to just ignore her.

we parted ways at the last train.

i got home and drank some more. while drinking, x-chan calls me and we talk until like 3AM. we made plans for the next day as well.

the next day we go to ueno to eat sushi, then go to karaoke, then go to gachapon, then go to another one of our usual izakayas.

when we broke up, a big reason was that i didnt quit smoking cigarettes (i never said i would, by the way). but lately x-chan has been smoking a lot of my cigarettes when we're together. i think its funny but im also screaming hypocrite in my head the entire time.

he actually invited me to his place last night. which is the first time in a month. i was staying at his house almost 3 days a week up until a month ago. we got into a big fight about how weird he is about human relationships. he's lonely but hates people, so i was trying to give him some advice which he called stupid. soooo i may have told him to just go ahead and die alone if he doesnt want to change. after that he got really cold towards me, but lately has been nicer. he ended up getting kind of sick an hour later so we decided to go to our separate places instead. but he invited me to come over on friday since we've been going out too much and spending too much money.

i am so stressed about this stupid fucking relationship hahah. we have plans to go to disneyland, tokyo game show, and 2 other live shows in the next two months. he's even talking to me about going to korea together in november. its so difficult. i know if he finds another girl to date before those events, he'll take her instead of me so i'm kind of panicking a bit. but it'll be what it'll be.

all my friends, american and japanese, despise him and want me to cut him off immediately since he is very obviously border-line mentally abusive. but i cant just cut off my best friend and the person i have the most fun with. i know this will probably end badly, but i really enjoy the time we spend together when we’re not bickering and he says he really does too. we just have a lot to work through if there’s the time to do so before he finds someone else.

also got this message from my american ex about me passing the jlpt and it felt like a shot to the heart. oof. ouch.

ANYWAYS enough about that. i’m gonna start studying for the 漢字能力検定 since im all done with the jlpt. i really gotta get my 漢字 knowledge up. i think im already level 4 out of 10, with 1 being the hardest. it’s a kanji test aimed towards native speakers, and even then 1 and 2 are apparenlty super hard. i took a couple practice tests and passed level 5, but gonna start with level 5 first for some review. you actually have to write the kanji for the test, so its gonna be challenging for me despite being pretty good at remembering how to write kanji. i picked up a study book on my way home and knew about 95% of what i saw while flipping through. just gotta get used to the test structure and everything. only issue is trying to learn the definitions along with the kanji, which will be some extra time studying compared to native speakers. finally excited to be studying again. i studied for years for the jlpt and it was so grueling and boring towards the end after being able to recognize all the grammar points and a majority of the vocabulary.

[espers-n-espurrs]

Maybe? How weird we dealing with?

alright. so. this is going to be wordy. some incidents besides the laundry room one:

the man on the street corner. there was a street corner that was right down the way from my flat as my flat building was more towards the middle of the length of the road. so, late one night my friend, juno, and i had been out doing whatever and were on our way back to the building when we say this guy just on the street corner doing a whole lotta nothing. thought he may have just been on the phone or waiting for his buddies as it was a friday night and it isnt uncommon for blokes to go out drinking. we were just going to ignore the guy as we got closer, he doesnt bother us so we dont bother him type of thing. that was till juno accidentally kicked a can that was lying on the ground and the guy looked at us all of a sudden. he was completely average looking if it werent for the fact he was missing his damn face. like fucking slenderman style of not have a face. no eyes or nose or mouth or ears. no nothing. we froze. i thought for a moment i was fucking hallucinating so i whisper to juno to ask him if he was seeing what i was seeing and he just quietly nodded. the guy then took a step towards us and we started legging it in the opposite direction because fuck that. i glanced over my shoulder after we had made it further down the street and the guy was gone. just fucking vanished. i asked juno again if he saw that the guy had no face and he nodded, letting me know that we did in fact see the same damn thing. i saw the guy once more a few months later when i peaked out of my bedroom window and say him standing in the street in front of my building just staring at it. or at least i think he was staring at it. kinda hard to tell.

the never ending hallway. i had just returned from school and was making my way down the hall towards my flats door. everything seemed normal. until the hallway started to stretch and my flats door got further and further away. i kept walking, stumbling, trying to reach it, i couldnt. i would get close and then i would essentially reset and end up back at the beginning of the hallway. i felt like i was losing it. i tried again and again and again and it just kept having the same outcome. that was until about 30 minutes later a neighbor walked out of their flat and passed me, i wanted to ask if they knew what was going on but my tongue felt dry and i felt like this was my chance to reach the door. so i sprinted and i felt my hand grip the handle and thrust the door open, accidentally scaring my mum in the process. but hey, at least i got out of that damn hallway. this one also only occurred one other time.

the window watcher. this was a reoccurring one. when i would exit my room late at night there was a small chance that a woman with long black hair would be standing at the end of the hall, faced away from me and staring out of the window. she was relatively harmless as long as i didnt make my presence known. if she heard or say me in the reflection she would turn and stare me down with unfeeling eyes and in turn make the lightbulbs burst so there was a loud bop that would typically send me scrambling back to my room. ad long as i was quiet and discrete though it was fine.

[fishfingersandjellybabies]

Hello bee! I hope you’re doing better

I hope Im not intruding, after all its a very personal matter and Im sure you’ve already considered it but maybe seeing a therapist could help you manage your emotions ? Self hatred is a hard bitch to beat and you’ll need skills that maybe now are hard for you to execute. (You dont have to respond to this ask, I just wanted to reach out and ask as someone who struggled with depression and would like to see you get well)

No worries! I try to use my stupid rambling as like a …you’re not alone, kinda thing? So that even if I’m miserable, maybe talking about it will help someone else. Doubtful I know, but at least it’s a try.

I used to go to therapy! Five years, four jobs and two moves ago. And it’s funny, I still have the guy’s number so he pops up on like, my bereal and stuff 😂

But I do think about it, and going back. I don’t know if I can afford it though and I’m kinda scared to find out I can’t, you know? I also don’t really have time. Out here in the midwest, shit is open monday to friday, 8am to 5pm, and I work ‘til 5 haha. I’m also thinking I’d want a therapist that’s cognasent of lgbt things and I don’t know if that’s possible out here.

So I just cope via distraction in the meantime. I forced myself to wash dishes this afternoon and then just mentally disappeared into true crime shows and Arkham City (until Freeze kicked my ass and I stopped playing to pout about it haha).

But like I said, Damian is my soul cat familiar and he always knows. He stuck with me all day today, and even Tim stopped by a few times. So, you know, as long as I have them, right?

But thank you, I appreciate you reaching out 💜 sadly I will probably never be well, but it’s a nice hope.

[lostjudgmnt]

having an intense emotional roller coaster of a week so far. im writing down what ive been doing/experiencing the last few days

saturday: began packing for my apartment

sunday: got most preparations done

monday: really hard and exhausting day at work. apartment ready for move-in once i got back. everything was in order except for the one (1) thing i left for my roommate’s family to handle. couldn’t get in contact with them for several hours and wouldn’t have been able to move in without them finishing what they needed to do. cried four times. stressed beyond belief about money and if im actually going to make it. finally got it worked out and began moving in. still stressed about money and if im going to make it. immediately passed out on my best friend’s couch when i went over to get some of the stuff i was stashing there. made it home to my parents’ house eventually and am already mourning my old bedroom even though i havent fully moved out of it yet.

tuesday (today): another long day at work. got pretty much everything moved in to the apartment already. got really sad about how im leaving my dogs. i dont know if i’ll get to see them much ever again after i leave. best friends and partner helped me begin unpacking. my desk, clothes, and dishes have all been put aeay at my new apartment. i cant believe thats my new home yet. i have to tell my parents everything. they are out of town. i have to send them my letter (over text) by tomorrow so they can refund the plane ticket. i am so scared and so stressed that i have been dissociating too much to properly think for the past hour and a half. literally paralyzed, couldn’t move or speak, for over an hour. having a psychotic episode too, i think. best friend eventually managed to ground me enough that i could at least write an outline for the letter, as well as make this post. i cried while writing the letter. i dont think my mom will love me anymore. i cant stand permanent change, and everything is changing

i want to go home and sleep in that bedroom while i have the chance to (i have until friday) but i dont know if i can or should.

[littlx-songbxrd]

I think I might be scared of the world and the way it makes you feel afraid

*Jumps in at the last possible second of alestember to post the most horrid fan fiction I've ever written* Missed me?

Anyways this is day 3 angst for @alastair-appreciation-month I wrote today out of spite and bad ideas. I just finished this, its not edited, might be the worse writting I've ever done but its cool. This fict is dedicated to @cant-think-of-anything who is partly to blame for the ending and my friend who liked my private story when i posted hot girls spend their fridays writting patricide ily

Timeline? We dont know her. Sense? Also no. Just sit back and enjoy and maaaaayyybe dont look too much into it :)

TW. Patricide. Blood. Murder. Alcohol. Drinking (if you find any other let me know)

There was a dead body at his feet, the truth ran like a rampant beast through Alastair's every thought. His torn clothes left him kneeling against the bricks of the floor, rough surface burying itself into his bare skin. He tried to move his arm to get them away from the dripping water running through his hair and half-blinded sight, but they stubbornly remained raised where they were. 

It ought to hurt,  but his body didn't register it. Alastair could barely feel anything other than the crushing weight of his reality. False strength shattered as he refused to look away from his immediate view, where the body lay further into the dead-end street it had taken its last breath in.

Rain met blood on the side of the road, on the edges of his clothes, and at the tip of the stained glass, he held close. The blood it had initially been painted with wasn't his own, but he had held on to it so tight by now both mingled into the same scarlet. He attempted to stop himself from squeezing the edges so tightly, but every time the truth fell on him again he only hardened his grasp. Every reminder threatened to leave him unable to tether himself to this earth by anything except his own pain. It felt like he was watching the scene from afar rather than living it. Or perhaps it was all a dream, a vile twisted representation of his anger tormenting Alastair into insanity. The alternative seemed soothing as opposed to the truth of the evening, there wasn't anything taking him away from the situation. Miracles were low and scarce and nightmares could only last so long.  

He knew today would go wrong. It was always how things ended when his father was involved.  Elias's letter arrived a few weeks prior, announcing he, and he alone would be coming to Paris in a few weeks and hoped for an opportunity to see him. It all sounded harmless, most of his acquaintances rejoiced on the news he´d get to see his father upon asking who´s correspondence had come in. Alastair put all his efforts into seeming at the very least content. Pretending happiness proved quite the effort compared to the familiarity of anger, but he´d have to make do. He always did. That didn't mean in the privacy of his own room he didn't stare at the letter and ponder if burning it could make his father desist of the idea of ever coming at all. Maybe he could claim it got lost and ignore any summons until his father left France.The idea proved Alastair was slowly losing it, Elias knew exactly where he was staying. If he wanted an audience he could find him. Itd be foolish to think he could avoid him and Alastair liked to consider he wasn't as idiotic to feed into the idealism of his half-arsed plan. 

By the time the days to his arrival dropped into the single digit, he began to truly feel dread. The kind he was slowly losing the ability to hide. Having Charles confront him on why he seemed so jumpy all the sudden was enough to decide he needed to get control of himself. Fear was for the weak, and he´d trained his backbone to be made of steel. Elias' letter had only requested one meeting and that's all he'd give, but he wouldn't let his father cost him the life he was finally beginning to make for himself. Alastair never replied, confirming his agreement to seeing Elias, one last desperate attempt to hold some of the control he was losing, but there was no use. On the third day of his father's visit he woke to find him waiting on the institute's door. 

Part of him was glad to see he managed to make it without causing any issues Alastair needed to later fix, not enough to drown out the exhaustion brought just by the thought of spending an entire day with him, but he tried to hold on to the relief as he made his way towards him.  They both greeted each other with similar weariness, nothing too obvious as to raise suspicions, but enough to remind Alastair where exactly he sat in his father's eyes. There was some attempt at an awkward embrace, he swore his limbs felt like they´d be set on fire afterward, and left without much of a word. No attempts of conversation stuck during their time together. Pleasantries out of the way, there was nothing Elias appeared to want to say to his son, which suited Alastair just fine, there was nothing he wanted to say to him either. However, it did raise the question of why he´d been so insistent to seek him out at all. To walk in silence? He kept feeling Elias stare at him from the corner of his eyes as if studying him under the Parisian sunlight. Eyes narrowed, brows pushed together, it made Alastair wonder if it been so long that Elias forgot what he looked like. Or if maybe all the alcohol he must have consumed in his absence had helped in the process. 

He wasn't stupid enough to believe his mother's claims. Whenever she wrote, she tried her best to make it seem Elias had tamed the intensity of his drinking while he was away. Sona never outright wrote about the issue, that would involve acknowledging there was an issue to begin with, but he knew how to read her hidden messages. Assurances she might as well have made to the wind. Alastair assumed she felt sorry for him. Wanted to at least afford him a few more months without the burdens of his father's sickness. The gesture was appreciated, to an extent he felt touched by what his mother was trying to do. It didn't erase the fact it was too late. He already knew enough to never believe her. Yet, he wasn't sure Elias's drinking was the root of the strange way he acted today. There was something far more aware going on behind his light eyes. But Alastair was tired and wanted to get this visit over with, He kept his thoughts to himself until his father finally tired of his company. 

They parted ways upon reaching the institute and Elias refused to tell Alastair where exactly he was staying. So close to finally being done with this day Alastair didn't consider asking for more details, fearing trying to coerce any information Elias didn't want to give would only cause him to invade into his life longer. He watched him leave and almost felt guilt from the relief that fell through his bones. There would be a time he needed to return into his father's hold, but today was not that day. It would be long until he worried about Elias again. 

That night Alastair slept well for the first time in weeks. The last time he would in years. There was indescribable happiness flowing through him the next, a phenomenon purely driven by the absence of worry. He should have known it wouldn't last. That night as he began to finish his work and retire for what was left of the evening, someone called his name. One of the other residents of the institute stared at him through a wide grin, telling Alastair how hilarious his father's jokes were. The first thing he noticed was that his acquaintance was without a shadow of a doubt, drunk. Giggling at the sound of his own voice and a certain stumble to the steady rhythm of his feet. Alastair knew he needn't ask where he'd seen his father, but he still did. So much talk of being smarter than his desire yet he still hoped the man wouldn't reply to what he knew he would. 

The bar was only a ten-minute walk. From the information he got, Elias had just recently gotten there. Still tame enough to make jokes, present himself as charming. Make people pass off his drinking as nothing outside the ordinary. Alastair refused to acknowledge the loud thump his heart gave with every step he took. He rejected thinking about this entire ordeal in its entirety. He'd just do what he always did and then forget. Pretend it never happened. Let it fade into the other thousand memories just like tonight. 

The situation was worse than he expected, the effort it took to finally drag him away from the bar wasn't the one Alastair thought it'd be. Had it been the break? Did just a few months of freedom break his ability to do this? By the time he finally managed to get Elias outside he was left thinking in his sixteen years of life he hadn't suffered a night as difficult as today since he first began at ten years old. Elias was never glad to see him in this state, his image only represented one thing, leaving the bottle. But his hatred always stemmed from his separation with alcohol, not Alastair himself. Yeah, he'd scream some insults and do some damage, but Alastair knew it was never about him. For it to be he'd have to care for him more than the bottle. However, today he looked at his son with hatred indifference couldn't bring. Insults were sharper, harsher, looking for a way to tear through him. 

Elias kept on shouting, and Alastair could feel his patience slowly fading. He didn't know where Elias was staying, and any attempt to get him to inform would only end in disaster. He was alone, in the middle of a foreign country, and the only person he could perhaps ask for help was the last one he'd want seeing him like this. In the middle of his spiraling thoughts, he walked them into an abandoned corridor, hoping this would give him more time to think. Come up with anything resembling a plan. 

Upon moving them Elias got angrier, his struggle to free himself from Alastair's grasp stronger. He barely managed to remain tied to Elias's free wrist, a now empty bottle he refused to let go off occupying the other. When he managed to get them into the dead-end street he could no longer handle Elias, his anger took over him and began to fall into the carefully laid traps he now realized his father was setting. 

Alastair couldn't have guessed how long they both stayed arguing against each other. Alastair could barely recall when he stopped insulting him and began insulting his mother. His memories were scarce and rare but he could still recall Elias saying he wasn't his son. He would never be. The shock of it all made Alastair drop his firm hold, and the next thing he knew he was pinned against a wall, Elias whispering over and over again about how much he wanted to stop it. Stop seeing his face. Coherence to his words faded the closer he got with a knife he took off his shirt pocket. 

He didn't know what happened first, the knife digging into his cheek or the bottle smashing into his father's head. Suddenly his father fell to the floor, the bottle smashed into a thousand little pieces scouring around the street and the knife dropped at his feet. There were a few stains of blood. Not as big as the one pulling around his father. He bent down to pick a piece of glass, his body moving like a puppet on strings, and stared at his reflection. Who stared back at him was a killer of his own making. 

It was pathetic really, all this time attempting to convince himself there were scraps of goodness within him only for this to show his true nature. Time passed and there he remained, questioning if it'd just be easier to take the glass and finish his father's job. Once the thrill expired and the full weight of his actions set in he began to bring it forward, and forward. He thinks the only thing that managed to stop him was thinking death would be too kind of a fate for him. 

An invisibility rune allowed him to escape before mundanes found what he'd done. He ran through the streets of Paris to the only place he actually knew how to get to. Everyone was asleep by now, the only sounds from the city life outside of the church's walls. He swallowed in before stepping, his legs unable to stop shaking. The only reason he was here was to find a way to escape the city before his father's body was found. With his death all the debts Elias gained along his illness would be left with his family. He needed to set those right. Life do whatever it wanted with him afterward once he knew his family was taken care of. 

He tried to be as careful as possible when entering, making no noise as he managed to reach his room. What he hadn't counted on was his lover awaiting on the other side. 

¨Alastair where have you been? I´ve been looking-¨

Charles's entire face fell when he finally caught sight of him. Alastair probably looked like he'd been through hell. The cut on his face still burned while his hand was ruined from squeezing the glass. He could also guess there was blood all over his clothing. Alastair reached for the door and closed it shut. 

¨What is going on¨ Charles demanded. When he faced him he realized for once in his life he couldn't pretend. Hide how much his life was screwed. 

¨I need your help¨ he settled on replying ¨I need to get out of the city¨

¨Not until you tell me what's going on¨ the other man's voice grew impatient, weary ¨Alastair what did you do¨

At his silence he asked again, this time more demanding ¨What did you do¨ 

¨Something I can never come back from¨ he moved past Charles and began to clear his desk ¨I cannot, I will not speak about it. You best believe I am doing you a favor by doing so. I just need to leave. Tonight. When the truth comes out you can make some lie of why I am no longer here. Claim I escaped, claim I had decided to leave previous to the event already, you are the smartest man I know I´m sure you can come up with something¨

At that moment he felt Charles's hands turn him, forcing him to meet his eyes. With the memory of arms to his shoulders still fresh he couldn't help but flinch ¨Have you gone mad?¨

Yes, he wanted to shout. Yes, I  have ¨Charles I have never asked anything of you. I am asking now. Please. Just let me do this¨

For the first time in his life, he couldn't read his lover's face. Maybe it was his panicked state, but the silence threatened to kill him as Charles pondered his options. 

¨You do not have to leave tonight, I´ll help you in the morning¨ he finally said, his words low and defeated ¨But if this is truly the last night I will ever see you. Then we must not let it go to waste¨

When Charles kissed him there was nothing Alastair could do but return his advance. There was no denying his only salvation

—--

When he awoke the first thing he registered was darkness, and his inability to raise his hand. He struggled against whatever kept them held beneath him, the low light now helping to out in context his surroundings. It was the institute's sanctuary, or so he assumed based on the style of the floor the moonlight illuminated. There were also voices, they were far enough to sound disoriented but still there. He recognized one in an instant. 

¨I have no idea what he´s done¨ Charles's voice said ¨ but as head of the institute, I thought it best to contact you before anything escalated¨

¨You made the right call, now do we interrogate him by the mortal sword when he awakes¨

¨No no,¨ Alastair couldn't help but notice how his voice raised its pitch ¨ the truth of his deeds will come out eventually¨

¨What do you suggest we do in the meantime ¨

¨Perhaps he could remain in the silent city, alone until we figure out how to proceed. There he can await proper punishment without causing disturbances. I think itd be best for morale to keep this issue between us. I  can handle his family if it comes to it¨

¨Do you think they'd come looking?¨

¨No, that's why I am most confident in my ability to properly handle the situation¨

There was something both of them werent saying, but all three understood. They could make Alastair disappear if so they desired.

And so they did. For almost two years. Then he began hearing voices in his head, only to realize they weren't in his head at all 

What a ride huh? Also theres a lot thats not explained in page because Alastair doesnt know but I want to showcase in case its confusing. So this fict is going off the Alastair Verlac theory where Alastair isnt Elias son and the reason Elias was in Paris was because he found out Alastair may not be his son. He wasnt actually gonna kill Alastair but kept seeing Sonas ex face in him so in his drunken state he wanted to stop seeing it so yeah you get the rest. Would have Elias killed him? Thats up for interpratation. Also the reason Charles didnt want Alastair going under mortal sword was because he didnt want him potentially saying anything about their relationship. This was part one to an entire alastair villain au i will never write but hey i left the window open. If you guess who the voice is you get head pat

[lightlycareless]

hihi!! this is my first time writing an ask to anyone on tumblr you dont need to make a reply to this because this is just things i want to say to you theres this song called mascara by deftones that i came across on tiktok, and theres this one part that goes "you're married... to me." right before the beat drops and the way i literally GASPED because it reminded me of your fic and naoya and y/ns marriage 😭pls give it a listen if you have the time! its good i swear also even though im sure youve received a lot of compliments before, i just want to... genuinely thank you for just existing. youre such a wonderful person, in every one of your posts and replies youre so nice and understanding, and youre the most dedicated writer ive ever seen online. youve really made me so so happy with your writing and fic, and i just want you to know how amazing you are. thank you thank you thank you! i dont even realize when but my life went from "just got to make it to friday" to "just got to make it to the next first it hurts update" LOL anyway i hope everything in life goes well for you. once again, thank you. know that there are always people out there that appreciate you and love you!

Hello!!!

First of all, thank you so much for your lovely words!! Like I still can't believe that after so many chapters after starting my story, I'd be getting the support I've had 😭❤️ and you,,,, ghjagjhagjhagka you saying those wonderful things about me just make it even harder to believe!

🥺 I'm a bit teary eyed, ngl... your words really moved me. 😭 thank you so much.

I'm really happy that my work is something you have been enjoying up until now, and while it might take me a while to get back to each reply/ask, I never forget about them and I appreciate them so so much—it's the least I could do after all this wonderful support! I will do my best to continue with my writing so you can keep enjoying it 😭❤️!!!!!! Hopefully the new chapter will be uploaded soon too 🤭 I also get excited when the update day is near hehe. ahhh!!!

Now, onto your song...

Omg… I listened to it and I immediately went to search for it’s meaning/interpretation because I was wow—if you think about it it’s really dark you know?

But going back to what it made me think about Naoya and Y/N—there's no denying it, the song covers the fact they're forced to be together. (or more like Naoya is forcing her, but he doesn't want to let go either, so...)

Highlighting the fact that no matter what the other does, or much they try to get away or act like it isn't happening, it's all for nothing because the papers are signed and they're officially bound to one another😭

That's not the only thing I got from the song though 👀

I also got the idea that it was kind of Naoya mockingly telling Y/N that she can continue fighting him, denying him, and so on... but it’s too bad because “you're [still] married to me.” jfc.

Or also, it could be referring to her longing for Naoaki and how Naoya is a hindrance to that. Damn. Bless you for sharing this song with me, it really gets the angst inspiration going on. And fortunately for us, there's still more to come in the main fic mwaahahahahahahha

Anyways 😏 thank you so much for sending in this lovely ask!! I went back to it here and there whenever I felt particularly down about my skills, or in general, so you don't know how much this meant for me 🥺❤️ I wish I could assertively express how much I appreciate you, your support, and your words 😭❤️ but I hope a thank you will be able to convey such sentiments.

Have a wonderful day, take care of yourself, and hope to see you soon ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️