#at least i dont have t worry abt it anymore

[freaksho]

still annoyed that i spent like 4 hours in the ER and got an xray and blood and ecg and stethoscoped and doctor was like Yeah so nothings wrong with you. man why can't i breathe right then dont say anxiety

[akechis-piano]

hey y'all know eurylochus is a character with an Arc right. just checking.

ok to preface this: i Know i should not let one tiktok comment get to me but in my defense 1) eurylochus is my blorbo and 2) i feel like a lot of people just. dont understand eurylochus as a character and the reasoning behind the choices he makes

so jay made a recent tiktok on eurylochus and the music surrounding him and i kinda realize people just. Dont Understand that eurylochus went through an arc during the ocean, circle, and thunder sagas

not gonna call out names bc i dont want to single out this person and bc i suspect its a more common thought but i saw someone comment "why was eurylochus so upset at ody for sacrifacing 6 men to circe when he was willing to leave the men at circe's palace?"

and that question really threw me off-guard because thought it was clear that eurylochus 1) has been going through an arc and 2) he was willing to leave the men behind at circe's palace not because he didn't care about them, but he was taking in account the rest of the crew

more under the cut i did not mean to rant this long but here we are lol

jay mentioned in his tiktok here that eurylochus instrument in epic is actually the voice of the crew (kinda like how penelope's instrument is the viola) and i think this is So Interesting because it shows in musical form how all of eurylochus's decisions and choices throughout the musicals are based around about how much he cares for the crew

i wanna make it clear. eurylochus DOES care from the crew. this is true all the way from the start up until his death. literally his first lines in the musical are him asking ody what his plans are for keeping the crew fed bc their food supplies is draining

the only thing that changes abt eurylochus in his approach in how he cares for the crew. lets take this line from "full speed ahead"

"I say we strike first, we don't have time to waste So let's raid the place and—"

now the annotation on genius describes eury as being "reckless" when id argue its more him being ruthless. he doesn't want the risk of any of the crew possibly getting hurt or killed and if they strike first then that means the possibility might goes down. now obviously thats not true here but eurylochus doesnt have future vision he cant predict the fact there would be cyclopes on the island.

one thing i also think gets glossed over way too much is "luck runs out" and its a shame because it basically spells out eurylochus's mentality. he Wants to trust in odysseus's judgement and wit, but they've already lost so many men that he doesnt want to take anymore risks

(also i want to talk abt trust in eurylochus and ody's relationship bc Hoo Boy that beginning part in puppeteer where eury is trying to confess to ody that he opened the wind bag gets glossed over WAY TOO MUCH but thats another post. the most passive aggressive and frustrated "ok" ive ever heard lemme tell ya-)

so when circe turns those crew members into pigs, he's willing to leave them. he's not happy about it but he's worried for the rest of his crew members. but then he Sees odysseus use his wit to save his crew and this changes his mindset. they were able to escape circe with no bloodshed and this makes eurylochus realize that actually ruthlessness isn't the only solution.

so then when the thunder saga comes around and odysseus doesn't think of a clever plan to ensure no one dies or least the causalities are minimized, but instead chooses to sacrifice his men?? he's blindsided. like i dont think people really grasp that odysseus Chose to sacrifice six of his men, one of them being eurylochus. he didn't think of a clever plan or even attempt to think of another and then was forced to realize there was no other choice, he just accepted and was fine with sacrificing six of his men.

and i see a lot of people villainize eurylochus's choice to mutiny but you need to try and see it from his perspective. he's trying to do his best to not lose any more men on this journey and seemingly his captain is on the same page as him until suddenly he's not. at this point in the story its clear that between odysseus and eurylochus only eury is focused on getting back home AND getting the crew back home too.

overall, i just find it kind of sad how many people just. dont acknowledge the fact that eurylochus is as much as dynamic character as odysseus. he goes through his own arc that is Clearly laid out during the sagas but. no one pays attention.

and it's Doubling frustration to see his character just get boiled down to "lol idiot who opened the wind bag" or "why would he betray ody??? >:[" bc he has Valid Reasons behind his actions!!

i could make So many more posts about eurylochus bc i feel like he gets done So Dirty by the fandom and i just cant stand for it any longer 😔

[dragonji]

having a mome below dont worry abt it

sorry in advance but apparently tonight is a real Cannot Fucking Stand This Body Anymore kinda night. I need to get on t so goddamn bad like im terrified of it and how people will react esp like my family but that shit was always going to be complicated anyways and also I am straight up going to kms if I have to live like this for another year .lol♡ . I just. I've worked really hard since living on my own to be even close to neutral on my appearance and voice and bearing and ik its made worse bc its 4 in the morning as I'm dealing with this but its so fucking easy to backslide into the cesspit of resentment and anguish and snarling fury I have at looking and being the way I am currently. I can't stand myself and the ways I know I'm percieved there's no way I can survive the way I am much longer. And it's like being clawed apart slowly from the inside knowing that on the other side of the fear that paralyzes me is so much potential to fall in love with myself in a way I know I can barely imagine- it'll take time to mold my body into what I tentatively let myself fantasize about sure but at least it will be Something. I dont expect to become ethereal or worthy of reverence or anything so grand of course but I can't help but be feverishly consumed with hunger to know how I'll change. To know what my voice will sound like- will my register finally expand to those low growling tones and gravely rumbles that I hear in my mind sometimes when I invision some far-future version of myself? Will I finally be able to build and keep muscle, enough that I can look at my body and think this is capable and useful and will serve the purposes asked of it, instead of being just another thing to bury under pretty distractions to keep anyone from looking closer? Will I ever even get to a point that I Could let anyone look at me without feeling the need to raise my hackles or run or make excuses? Its not that I don't like decorating myself in nice clothes and jewelry and all kinds of little details, I just want so badly to believe that one day I could do it just for the fun of it and not as layers upon layers of defenses to keep myself and hopefully others from thinking about the form underneath. I'm losing the plot to all the white-out longing in my head but yeah all that to say. I wish I were able to find pride in my physical self. I wish I had a form I could think of as anything more than an inconvenience at best. This one is so selfish and will never be acted upon but I wish I were able to let myself be desired too. I wish I had the courage to make some choice, anything really, to progress towards the possibility of ever having any of that. But in the end I cower from change even ones I know will make me happier because they always risk upsetting someone and if I'm the only one left sick with anguish well. That's just basic math isn't it? Better to be the one stuck with all the suffering than being the one shattering it out in an impact crater I can't even attempt to hide is my fault. So I'll just keep not reaching out and playing down how gutwrenchingly sick I am on the daily to be living this way. And if I just tell myself enough times that it's fine, that I don't Need any of the things I want, that obviously desire is the root of suffering and as such it's only right that I abstain from even the most benign of my own, well it has to be true eventually, doesn't it?

[my-own-lilypad]

I appreciate that, and I have no issues with kinks, lol, whatever turns you on. And as far as kinks in writing, in art anything goes, I mean look at the Marquis de Sade, that is considered a classic work of literature. What I have a problem with is the non-consensual aspects of the claims against A.

I think that if it came out one day that A was not who he seems to be to me rn i.e. that he was innocent and he and T were in love, i would be celebrating with you. I would be crowing the loudest. But I dont see that as a reality. Anyway, I'm not trying to change anyone's minds, I said ages ago what I thought, people can believe what they want to believe.

But I do 100% agree with you that this new rls with K is for show in many ways. There is something very wrong with it in the sense that we are not getting the whole truth. I dont buy the whole 'they met and fell in love' no way. Does not ring true at all. T looks SO uncomfortable ALL the time. Even in the holiday snaps in the sea. He looks dead in the eyes, there's no light there anymore, no glow, no inspiration. And for his mum to come out and say she doesnt like her or her family ... that was a brave step, and I felt for her when she said 'I'm worried about her influence on my son.' She knows how easily influenced T is. Not that I think he isn't consenting, I think he's loving the glitz and glamour, I dont say hes a victim in all this. But nothing that girl does will surely lead him anywhere good, at least not meaningful, and he doesnt seem to want meaning rn. But he's very uncomfortable with all the attention. That much is obvious and I'm just wondering when his sense in gonna kick in and he's going to put his foot down and say I dont want to do this all on camera. Thank god he said no to appearing on their bloody show, can you imagine, but presumably she asked him. Just goes to show she doesnt care who he is. She may be sexy but I think she's hard to handle, shes used to doing whatever the fuck she wants. Just hope he doesn't get in too deep. None of it sits right with me.

We are not entitled to know. I know that and that's fair enough, but we are entitled to care (from afar of course, I mean who reads this stuff but us). And I can't stop myself from wondering.

It's interesting that you mention signs. I have no objections to hearing them but don't you think that they are open to a lot of misinterpretation? I mean, you can be so sure about something and it can turn out to be false. Also in many religions/cults they are waiting for the divine revelation that is always coming forthwith. They say, come and wait with us. Is it not the same for charmies waiting for T and A to come out?

I'm glad we can discuss all this openly without having to make each other feel bad. Tbh, everything abt T is so chaotic that it is hard to know or understand what's real. Presumably he likes it that way, lol.

Tagged by @whole-other-layer

Last song: Stromae - L'enfer

Favorite color: Petrol or Yves Klein blue

Currently watching: This is going to hurt (so good, with Ben Wishaw and the portrayal of queer I'm looking for)

Sweet/spicy/savoury: yeah, just that: sweet/spicy/savoury, like the fireworks in Remy's head when he eats cheese WITH strawberry.

Relationship status: none of your fucking business

Current obsession: the guys in my head who do things and the question why you do things you know aren't good for you and you do them anyway.

Last thing you googled: soft launch boyfriend (lol).

Tagging... oh, I don't know, how about @stmonkeys @lo20 @laurenjane1990 and @timmysneck ?

Thanks for tagging me @whole-other-layer

But I have to ask! Your addition "even though they appear to be a hardcore charmie"? What does that mean? That you don't like hardcore charmies? In any case, I have to admit I’m not overly fond of being called hardcore (maybe cor cordium fits better 😉). Hardcore sounds to me like someone who needs to be right, and I don’t need that. I don't NEED them to be together, I don't care who they go to bed with, I don't need (more) proof. I don't HOPE they are together, I just hope that they HAVE each other when times are difficult for them. I don't KNOW if I'm right, but after everything I've read and seen about gays in Hollywood (Leo!) or in the music industry (Harry!) or in soccer (Ronaldo!), after all the tons of quotes we've gotten from people in Hollywood saying that "Hollywood treats gays poorly" (Udo Kier) to "You're a slave to Warner Bros, they can do whatever they want" (Burton), after all the PR machinery that all my mutual friends so skilfully expose on a daily basis, in the end, unfortunately, Timmy looks to me like a reflection of just that. Because they do exit in Hollywood, queer actors.  

And boy, these days I wish he was straight as fuck so I wouldn't have to worry about him, but with all the clowning going on around him, I just don't see it.

So him spending his life with Armie is just the most likely and plausible thing TO ME from everything I've seen. Everything else is always LESS plausible to me. 🤷🏼‍♀️

And if it IS true, then they would have an incomparably beautiful love story that is incomparably tragic just because they're queer, and I want to support them with all my queer heart and desire for equal rights.

They don't have to be together for the rest of their lives and now, after all these years of heart eyes, they might just be another boring couple like any other. But if they had the chance to show themselves without regrets, if they didn't have to do this shit anymore, I can't wait for them to smile and feel free and have their second spring, and after everything they've been through, I think they fucking well deserve it.

That doesn't mean I agree with what Timmy is doing at the moment, and I thank you for your input because I have something to say to him about it as well to make my point. But to that later 😉

And if this isn't clear from what I wrote: I’m fully ok with people don’t believing in them.

Sorry for this answer you didn't ask for, but no one has ever told me I'm hardcore 🙃 PS: I love Tori Amos too ☺️

[yes-yes-no-no]

sometimes i think im gonna ace something, and sometimes i do get an a plus

But fuck if i didnt hate my own work, the world wouldnt exist. i get an a plus in art and i personally hate my drawing because the teacher literally controls what i do

anyway lets put my experiances into a character,,, i choose asmodeus from welcome to demon school iruma kun.

: despite what people think, hes actually pretty good with children. most of the time, he shies away from small kids bc hes lowkey scared of them

: hes a full body blusher, others WILL know if he has a crush

: asmodeus would really like Satisfied by MARINA i just know it. he seems like such an over achiever too

: i think its kinda heart warming how his butler seemed so worried abt him when kalego was brought into the house to talk. but its also concerning how one person who was nice to him and didn't fear him changed him so much. could be just me and my love for angst but the boy seemingly did a whole switch up. is this potential for a codependancy fic i smelll?? i think it is,, someone write that lol

: he has incredible fashion sense but only on himself. ask him to dress anyone else and it turns into a disaster. he would mix a neon green with a tangerine shade of orange,,, i love him but like,,,

: im pretty sure his mother is the head of lust,, and it is said that alice will represent the deadly sin of lust too. i cant stop thinking abt this. so like,,, he canonically has feminine features and a small waist. his heught is 178cm and his weight is 67kg,, this would be fairly underweight for a teenage boy, especially if the teenage boy seems to be strong and have alot of muscle,,,,, worryingly increasing angst potential over here, writers

: god i love alices evil cycle bc it is decribed as beautiful and i love watching normally collected and calculated people go feral 🚶

: he puts pins in his hair while getting ready. he probably forgot to get them out oneday qnd everybody in the school noticed,,, lets just say there was a bunch of teasing from the misfit class

: he cries when watching something sad. not because its sad but because the people in the movie or show is crying. people are usually really shocked to see him cry but clara and iruma, the beautiful friends, just pat him on the head and silently give him a handkerchief

: the misfit class is like a family and alice didnt really get that at first so it took him a really long time to figure out that people werent so scared of him anymore. dont get them wrong, alice can be terrifying but they know alice would never hurt them

: alice paints claras nails after seeing how messed up and dirty they were ( youre going to tell me that clara actually has clean and pretty nails??? bullshit.)

: he needs someone to tell him hes done well every once in a while. if no one does he'll get really distant for at least a week. when iruma ae along and complimented him, he just went boom friends kachow,,

: weirdly good a t " childish" games because of his siblings. he actuallybonded with clara when they were playing a game of catch

feel free to add anything, i wish everyone a great day or night :) <3

[varusai]

who do you think is the most dateable dark matter thief?? i know you have an opinion and i need to hear it

sorry for the late response anon i honestly had to think abt this one for a few days lmao, but yeah i have opinions. below the cut bc fr i have opinions, all of them have major pros and cons (based on my characterization at least) and really i just have to break it down for u

Boros, everyones obvious first choice, but certainly not mine.

Pros: rich, tall, pretty, fun af, passionate, will kill for you np, give you anything you want, literally anything.

cons: has a god complex, doesnt respect you, not his number one priority at all, will forget about you once its not interesting for him anymore, probably argumentative/combative af, is very very smart and has no problem manipulating you in all the worst ways, is very entitled so he will never feel bad about anything, cant win arguments either bc he’ll want to settle it with combat, will get offended over little things just to argue bc he thinks thats fun

this is a relationship you’d get into if you literally have nothing to lose and dont care about your mental health. like hes hot but this shit would be toxic af and he will ruin your life and leave you to go fuck around and fight someone on the other side of the universe. this will be the best of times and the worst of times for you and you will never be the same afterward mentally or emotionally. the only way i would even consider it is if i lost my damn mind. The only way a relationship with him would ever work long term is if you were physically stronger than him and were capable of putting him in his place OR you were smart enough, suicidal enough, and interesting enough to him to engage in some psychological warfare and reject him if he asked you. Make him chase you for years, say yes, then decide that /he’s/ boring /you/ and leave him for another member of the squad to just destroy their established hierarchy and humble him to the point that he’s obsessed with you.

i dont have the energy for all that, so i’ll just smash and pass.

0/10 completely undateable

Geryuganshoop, also a probable second choice for many:

pros: cute, nice, tentacle alien (obviously), will respect you np, will also give you anything you want, not antagonistic at all, telepathic communication so no risk of miscommunication, emotionally intelligent and available, loyal to a fault,

cons: horrible boss/best friend that you will have to listen to him vent about for at least 3 hours a day, complete yes man as well so he will not tell boros no or cut him off and you will be stuck dealing with this no matter what, severely mentally ill and wont go to therapy bc he thinks hes handling it well, workaholic, needs a lot, and i mean A LOT of attention

this relationship would be great if not for boros lol. boros sabotages his social and romantic life but geryu has been friends with him too long to either cut him off or establish boundaries. he has no backbone (figuratively and literally) and wouldnt even consider it. he’ll ignore you in favor of his job too, to a massive degree. also i think that while the telepathic communication would be a major plus in most cases, here i feel like i’d have no less than 16 different, never before seen on earth, mental illnesses projected right into my brain just from being within a certain radius of him.

im already fucked up enough in that sense so pass unfortunately.

it would be a yes without boros in the picture tho lmao

so prob like 4/10 iffy datablillity, 1 level increase with each decade of therapy he gets tho so a lot of potential :D

Groribas, my fav girl:

pros: straightforward, realistic, very clear expectations, will not fuck around with you whatsoever like there is no mind games or anything here, will kill for you, rich and non materialistic so she’ll basically just let you do whatever with her money since she doesn t care about it, cares about her job but like...a normal amount. she absolutely has a good work/life balance, highly organized so she will not forget important dates, loyal af and will defend your honor under any circumstances, mean but in a funny way, a ton of fun to hang out with if you’re into that, no eyes so i dont have to worry abt eye contact ever

cons: extremely high expectations, like exhaustingly high, and not even a bit of flexibility there, if you dont meet the cut its a no, she’ll let you know and leave same day, she will also bully you, you need a thick skin and great sense of humor to survive, bad at feelings if you need emotional support???? go elsewhere, shes mega emotionally unavailable, will probably want to share bodies as a form of intimacy

overall its a solid 6.5/10 dateability for me i love the directness and no bs approach, we would def get along well. however, while im not sensitive, shes def gonna hit on some insecurities at some point and it will cause an argument lol. but i mean whatever. it happens. the body sharing would be an issue though, same reason i wouldnt be chill with having a symbiote despite being a major venom fucker. i need my space i cant deal with that. so thats a possible deal breaker if she couldnt get over that lol. and she wont, so we wouldnt work out. i wish it fuckin would tho😭😭😭 i would take whatever crumbs of attention she would be willing to give me

Melzalgald, my fav they/them bastard:

pros: amorphous and shapeshifting aka extremely attractive according to my taste in monsters, tall af but could chose to be a more reasonable survivable size lol, self contained and self-entertaining so they dont need a ton of attention to be happy, funny af, rich, will give you whatever you want and probably a bunch of shit you didnt know you wanted, very fun, built in friend group if you didnt already have friends, extremely emotionally intelligent and great people skills due to living in a collective, stupid af by choice, like some of em are very smart, but they dont claim that, will say fuck work and tell boros to eat shit to spend time with you, will kill for you as well, but only if you ask them to bc their first inclination is to just bother someone to death, very loyal, once they like you they like you really forever, it would take some pretty extreme circumstances to make them dislike you

cons: annoying af and its unavoidable, will talk over you, all of them at once will talk over you and do so loudly, no respect for personal space, they dont even know what that is, will probably accidentally manhandle you, they act stupid but arent so they can be manipulative, even if it isnt bad and they dont really mean to be, impulsive, forgetful of the needs of organic creatures so they will bother you at all hours of the day and night if you arent firm with boundaries, disgustingly extroverted and will bring randoms to your place without asking, or just...make new cluster members and you have to roll with it, will eat or absorb literally anything you have, will antagonize and bother you for fun, major jump scare risk since sometimes the forms are....fleshy

this ones hard for me like theyre hot af and i feel like they’d be super fun and good partners, but god....the noise. idk how long i could deal with that lol i dont like people in my house. it would drive me up the wall, but then again...i can simply kick them out when ive had enough. they arent projecting mental illness directly into my brain or requiring me to share a body sintelligento major plus. creepy thing/symbiote style hot monster without any of the invasiveness so tbh 8/10 dateability

some people date loud annoying extroverts who dont understand personal space that /arent/ rich, loyal, or emotionally intellegent so i’d be winning on a few different fronts lmao

[faunusrights]

OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 21

IN THIS EPISODE OF MURPHY IS SO VERY SLEEPY BUT THE UPDATE SCHEDULE TAKES NO PRISONERS (FOR THE MOMENT):

“So it’s true,” she wheezed between grit fangs—“that bitch really does have you on a leash.”

KINKY,

me: okay lemme refresh on what happened last chapter-- me: /remembers me: oh yeah! yeah that SUCKED,

lets us continue on the journey of deep and immense sadness with glynda ‘clown shoes’ goodwitch!!!!!!!! here we go here we go

It took a while to pry back the jaws of her soul and wrench herself out of them.

ooh i rly like the context change here. before glynda was kinda falling back into her soul as a way of just Getting On With Shit or protecting herself, but now it’s framed in a fun new way of please can i get out of here now. good job glynda. look at u GROUNDING YRSELF like a CHAMP who should have been in a TKO LIKE FIVE ROUNDS AGO--

What did that mean? Had she asked Cinder about Ochre? Glynda struggled to recall, but the memories swirled like clouded ink in her skull.

i still love the continuation of glynda’s Mysterious Messages To Herself. she leads such a thrilling life of ‘did i write that’ and ‘did i do that’ and ‘what does any of this mean’

Hating herself, Glynda found she couldn’t remember.

and also a less thrilling life of the squeaky clown shoes variety. glynda PLEASE

She had to know: was anything Cinder had given her real?

the YOU and the US,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, the DESTINY. dw babe im sure cinder Has Never Told A Lie, Even Once In Her Life, On Account Of Being A Very Open And Honest Person,

Had she been abandoned? Cinder had been unhappy when she left. Angry, maybe. Angry enough to take her leave for good? Or had she always planned to?

i love watching glynda slowly become kind of,,,,,,,,,,,, more aware of herself in relation to other people? sometimes she still Moves or Does w/o rly thinking it thru, but we’ve got quite a change from, like, early chapters of glynda where she was barrelling along with VERY little disregard for both actions AND consequences,,, but look at her now!!!!!!! using her whole ass BRAIN. im proud of her. 

When she tried to dismiss this first fear, another one was waiting underneath: had something happened to Cinder?

In her attempts to keep Glynda’s soul from smothering them both, Cinder had been quite willing to converse over the phone with her—even if her texts were short and snippy, she usually at least responded, to avoid backlash. Did she not care anymore? Or—

Or was she unable to?

/leans in, like, uncomfortably close to the microphone

glynda darling i do Not mean 2 worry u but yr (future) gf is currently grieving, pissed beyond belief, and also

/checks notes

failing her way into becoming strawberry jam

But, surprisingly, there was another half to Glynda now: one that worried, despite facts, that Cinder was in danger. That Cinder might need her.

GO AND GET THE GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The light caught in every golden thread of her crown emblem, embroidered with diligent precision. But something else caught her eye: the midnight black surrounding it had a sheen to it. Subtle red ducked through the fabric, glittering like burnished stars in a distant night sky: fire Dust.

The flash of a memory: Cinder’s face when Glynda had complained that her last cape had been burned.

This cape would not burn.

okay so no lie i cant read this bit without my eyes starting to water abt just how GOOD this section is and i have cried TOO MANY TIMES over this fic ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! T H A N K Y O U F O R T H E F O O D !

CINDER MADE IT FIREPROOF. SHE DIDNT HAVE TO. SHE DIDNT NEED TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT THE SYMBOLISM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IS U N R E A L. I AM CRYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

GO GET THE GIRL YOU MORON

Glynda didn’t know what to do.

Glynda dialed Winter.

and i am INSTANTLY launched back into the comedy that is glynda goodwitch’s life at large THANKS FOR THE WHIPLASH

“No, I mean… I was awful to you the last time we spoke. I know I was. I keep thinking about it. I’m so sorry, I just… Don’t have anyone else to go to right now. I don’t know who else I’d call.” It was horrible to admit. Loneliness had never shamed her before because her soul had held it at bay. Now it made her sick. “I’m safe. If you don’t want to talk to me…”

LOOK AT THIS CHARACTER GROWTH,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, GLYNDA!!!!!!!! YR DOIN SO WELL BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYONE COME LOOK AT HER THINKING WITH HER M I N D.

“I lashed out at you, Professor Goodwitch. That wasn’t right of me. I should have known that you weren’t truly to blame for what you said. I know Cinder. She’s manipulative. She twists the world and makes you think she’s a different person than who she really is. I blamed you in the moment, but Cinder Fall is truly the person at fault for making you believe that I would try to hurt you. I shouldn’t have raised my voice or said the things I did.”

/rubs face

like winter needs to be in this fic and og was bereft not having her actually take up 30% of the space as she DESERVES, but god i forgot that shes a whole Thing and winter please just. shush. for a moment. for a second. ilusm. but please shut up.

Glynda was pacing, her Scroll levitating near her.

side note but casual uses of glyndas semblance is one of my fav things i love seeing it. glynda ‘look mom no hands’ goodwitch out here,

Glynda closed her eyes. The tactile recollection of cats arching, bristling, and spitting. Backed into corners. “Maybe she was panicking. I don’t know.”

i dont rly have much to say here other than continuing to enjoy Cinder As Cat, the ongoing metaphor. glyndas just gonna pick her up the scruff of the neck eventually and we will ALL b thankful.

ughghghgb im not gonna copy paste this whole convo w/ winter because this is a liveblog not a shitty projection of the fic on the side wall of a bowling alley, BUT GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD glynda is so WORRIED,,,,,,,,,,, past glynda is befuddled. bemused. why does future glynda Feel so much. but future glynda is FEELING and i love her. das yr gf yr worried abt. DAS HER,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, and also yr other gf winter too but like that’s a long-con sort of egg to hatch,

While it had been some time now since Glynda had been in a proper fight, she expected no trouble. This wasn’t Cinder—ergo: this wasn’t a real threat to her. Still, she would bide her time and hold her silence, if only for the chance of getting a hint of what was going on.

This wasn’t Cinder—ergo: this wasn’t a real threat to her.

LADS,,,, LADIES,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, BEANS,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, IS IT GAY,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, TO SEE YR RIVAL AS YR ONLY REAL THREAT,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

The group crossed the room as one unit, guns aloft and eyes peeled, determined to not be ambushed.

Glynda intended to ambush them regardless.

i dont like 2 say when an au gets a character so right that all other interpretations aren’t valid, but.......................... offal hunt gets glynda so right that all other interpretations aren’t valid, and thats that, on that,

One left. Glynda didn’t hesitate. She had been built to fight Grimm; far stronger, far quicker, far more bestial foes than these. She was herself a blade, sharpened far too fine for these intruders.

sounds hot

“Are they...alive?”

Glynda didn’t pause to check.

“Professor? Are they alive?”

glynda: fuck them kids

“How will you get to her?” Winter asked.

“I always find her in the end,” Glynda answered.

hrm,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, i wonder if that’s foreshadowing something

Her soul was churning inside her, longing for solace, for Cinder. She could picture the way like a burning trail in her mind’s eye; that bright-yellow tether between herself and Cinder, that pathway between their souls that she had tread so many times before. It always led her to Cinder.

HRM,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I WONDER,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

“Good luck, Glynda.”

“Thank you,” she said again, pausing under the streetlights. “But I won’t need luck. I’ll find her.”

FELLAS,

what a good chapter!!!!!!!!!!! also i cried. BUT I HAD A REAL GOOD TIME. I CAN IMAGINE THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE LESS OF A GOOD TIME, BUT FOR NOW, I WILL ENJOY THE MENTAL IMAGE OF GLYNDA’S BICEPS AND HER FUTURE WEDDING ALSO,

[transrightsjimin]

lol i finished the introduction to my policy proposal, got to the part where i realized i had to include theory abd thus have to concentrate on reading articles, got a headache amd panicked, went to my friend's room, bothered him ab t it, somehow ended up stressing out abt life after university, had an existential crisis abt not knowing what my capabilities are besides drawing (which i also rarely do nowadays) and i dont want to lie about being capable bc i hate lying unless it is to protect someone, i just cant lie anymore since i stopped living w my parents and i especially dont want to lie abt things i cant do, but apparently you need to in order to make it in life but i just consistently make so many mistakes bc of autism nd adhd (clumsiness / bad concentration / forgetful, like i dont even remember most of c my colleagues' names / lack of insight / being slow / taking very very long to learn practical things / issues with processing sensory input timely / panicking when not given clear instructions / fatigue from social interaction) and they just wont get better and i dont want to lie abt it bc i a. dont want to be a dishonest person, b. i am not that confident to pretend im someone skilled, which im not and c. i will never get better at these things bc illl have these issues for life. and i really dont know what profession ill end up doing in the future bc i dont have much knowledge in any arts discipline or field or whatever, and especially contemporary art and entrepreneurial stuff is big in the arts where i live and i just dont know shit abt that aside from general trends / conventions and it doesnt interest me anyway. i dont know any arts field tht rly interest me that much and the most interestung stuff is prob what depends on mainly volunteers. idk man. i just feel depressed and keep crying bc ill either end up with a parttine job and financial struggles, a typical working class job like my current mail delivery one bc thats at least something i know im somewhat capable of, or ill end uo on welfare but idk bc the last time i applied for welfare as an adult they sent me in this course for people to learn how to make resumes and job motivations, which i know how to do, but i cant do the shit that comes after that. i just dont know what i can do bc ive never been able to do anything well except drawing but i cant make it as an illustrator bc that takes a lot of entrepreneurship which i just dont have nor want to have. i just want to be able to live. im also worried bc of the fusion between PostNL and SANDD bc we still have no idea whats going to happen but colleagues are very sure that people will be fired / wont have their contracts prolonged and since im now at the age for adult wage and work only 4 hours a week in my contract, i dont know how much they would want to keep me as a worker for them. i rly worry that ill lose this small job bc it still creates a small additional income of 175-300 euros per month (depending on the amount of extra hours) and i rly need that income bc the loan i'm taking for studying is almost the maximum of what is allowed (my loan is 920 euros) and i will by the end of 2019 / early 2020 not have the right to free usage of public transport in midweeks anymore. though i can get discounts for students itll still get so expensive? or maybe i should cycle to school, which is another possibility but idk. everything is just so expensive and im overwhelmed and just keep sobbing since an hour agi and i feel bad for bothering my friend w my sudden existential crisis

[skizmin]

minghao!soulmate au

prompt: if someone touches you, your soulmate feels warm where you’ve been touched and can sense how you feel about the contact (uncomfortable, calm etc;)

genre: fluff soooo much fluff, soulmates!au, very very brief and vague ment of sexual harassment its tiny pls dont be put off, college!au

a/n: hey minghao, i miss you, please rest lots and become healthy for seventeens next comeback!!

okay so

throughout your younger years youve never really paid much attention to your soulmate, ofc your parents told you when you were about four that the weird warm things you were feeling was your “one true love that you’ll meet later” and whatnot

i mean of course youd chuckle sometimes when your cheeks got all warm and an annoyed feeling fleetingly passed through you knowing your soulmate must be being coddled by one of his aunts or smth 

but other than that

you just went on with your life

it wasnt until you were sixteen did you start paying more attention to it

sometimes youd get a bit worried when youd feel a warm spot on your arm and a surge of slight anger in your heart but it was always quickly replaced by happiness

you knew it was his friends hitting him by then so you just chilled tf

even when you felt your ass became VERY warm, you felt the same anger/happiness flow through your body so you just shook the fact that your soulmates ass just got BEAt off and continued what you were doing. 

youll have junhui to thank for that later

so by the time you were going into university you had become very aware of the fact that your soulmate was barely ever getting hugs anymore

and you just :^((( poor bby

and an idea popped into your head like !!!

my soulmate feels warm when i get hugged akdfksjla

instantly you were like IM GONNA HUG EVERYONE!!!!! EVEN IF ITS AWKWARD

so like, first day on campus housing grounds you found your dorm house and with that your RA housemate

she was cool and you where like hhhhhhh

i barely know you but

i have this duty of care for my soulmate so im just gonna

and you hugged her rly big and you felt uncomfortable at first but also so proud of yourself like wow

get you a girl like me ;^))

anyway your housemate is like “oooooookay, this is your room here and its just us and three others who’re already here”

youre awkwardly like cool okay see u later

amd ur blushing rly hard but hey at least you did it

anyway fast forward a couple weeks and youre like hugging all your new friends everytime you see them and theyre like wow shes clingy but they still luv you

and youre!!

so!!

comfortable!!

abt doing it now like “hey hugs????? hugs are my shit.” ya feel?

cut over to minghao whos going to the same university as you with junhui

they both moved from china and minghao misses his fam so much :^(((

particuarly his mums hugs which he got all the time and sometimes he thought it was annoying but now hes like hhhh

MUM BRING ME BACK

minghaos mum was also rly open about haos soulmate and loved hearing about her

like one day hao came home (age 18???) fuming bc he felt his chest get warm in class and then his butt and a really strong feeling of fear and uncomfort and disgust filled him and he immediately knew what happened but he didnt feel anything else after that and he was so glad but still and his mum was like hao that happens to girls :^((( im sorry your soulmate must feel awful rn 

and hao felt sick in his stomach and he was like “im gonna kill anyone that does that to my soulmate again mum !!!!!!!!

and his mum was so proud

anyway hes almost fluent in korean by now and luckily junhui is good at making friends and found some that speak madarin and korean too so!!

their new friend jackson and some others are constantly with hao and hui being like “no that means square, this is how you say suspense” n shit

and hao learnt rly easily!! so did hui!! anyway

lately hao has been feeling his soulmate hug a lot of people lately and hed be rly happy except hes sorta 

“is my soulmate dating someone rn?? :^((” 

and hed remind himself you can date whoever you want before you meet him 

but hed still be all emo bc he wants love too and he misses his family and hes in a foreign country and hes failing one of his subjects bc how is he supposed to know all the non latin korean terms for all the flowers and plants they get pop quizzes on

and he just wants to hurry up and meet you bc hes all 

“everythings gonna be fine when i meet my soulmate!!!!!! theyre gonna make everything perfect for me!!!!!”

like, hao sweetie

calm down

but he’d be so determined like legit whenever junhui was with him and they were around people he’d be like JUNHUI TOUCH MY ARM

and he’d look around frantically for someone being like “tf my arm is warm gosh dang wonder what my soulmates up to lol” but he’d be a bit disappointed every time.

anyway tho so jackson invites him and junhui to his friend jaes party after teaching them all the korean slang shit

legit hes like

“guys. i think youre ready for your first party”

junhui nearly cries

little does he know youre??? invited to the same one by your housemate jimin (jyp gang here we go)

anyway you go to the party and are determined like legit hugging everyone you meet and jimins next to you like

im rly sorry about her dont ask

and minghaos in the kitchen like!!!! wth my soulmate keeps hugging people junhui smh smh 

he’s slightly buzzed and hella jealous

anyway he goes to the loungeroom for a sec to find his friend sicheng who just messaged that he was here 

and wow best luck ever you walk up to junhui and jae and meet them both!! youre all 

JAEE THANKS FOR HAVING THIS PARTY IM Y/N and you give him the biggest hug and then you turn to junhui whos all

hi im junhui

and smiling awkwardly and youre like

NICE TO MEET YOU!!!!!

and give him an even bigger hug than you gave jae and jae and jimin are watching you like wtf and junhuis like awkwardly patting your back and IN COMES MINGHAO WHOS GETTING SICHENG A DRINK

hes like jeSuS chRiSt how many time does she have to hug her s/o in the span of an hour!!!!!!!!

and he feels random extra warmth spurt on his back and hes like what sort bf/gf pats their s/os back lmao and then he seens you hugging junhui and he like

pauses for a second 

then hes like haha gtta be a coincidence that i can see a georgeous random stranger hugging my best friend in the same way i can feel my soulmate hugging someone rn

amd junui sees hao and a wave of relief passes over him and he grabs your shoulders and pushes you away like

MINGHAO HEY!!

and you turn around as junhuis like “this is y/n, friend of a friend of jacksons ad jaes”

and minghaos like HOLY SHIT I FELT THAT MY SHOULDERS JUST GREW WARM

and then you meet eyes with the most goRGEOUS boy youve ever seen like HOW can someone look like that

and as soon as you meet eyes your body just gets soWARM and your heart like

fuckin swells and shit

and youre like ohmygodohmygod whats happening

and hes looking at you with the widest eyes ever and everyones like “wow they must find each other pretty hot theyre just staring at each other”

and suddenly minghao grabs sichengs hand and just places it on his chest and sichengs like wtf no homo

and you feel warmth on your chest and a surge of shock, excitement and hopefulness rush through your blood but the first thing you say is

WTF YOU PERV as youre grabbing your chest and junhui finally catches on and walks up and pokes you in the stomach and you yelp and minghao just touches the warm spot on his stomach and smiles SO wide

he legit runs up to you like OHMYGOD YOURE MY SOULMATE TELL ME EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IVE DREAMT OF MEETING YOU MY WHOLE LIFE 

and he goes to hug you but stops himself

by now everyones gone to give you some privacy 

and youre like wot!!!!! hug me!!!!!!

but he just says “dont you have a partner?? im not doing anything with you until you and them break up” he ain no homewrecker sweeties no cheating in this household

and youre just like

????????? what ?????????

“youre always hugging your partner!! its hard not t notice, youre so proud after too :^(((”

and you start laughing

hes just pouting at you like whattttttttttttt

you say in between laughs

im hugging people for you!!! you havent been getting hugs lately, and i like it when you get hugs i love the feeling so i thought id hug a bunch of people so you could feel warm anf fuzzy inside!!!

he looks at you like,,,,,, oh,,,,,,

and then he swoops you into the biggest bear hug ever and you feel warm and fuzzy except its not the same. it feels so

so real??????

you almost start crying and then he pulls away looking teary eyed too

“y/n was it??? im minghao. and im looking forward to hugging you and being with you for the rest of my life.”

youve never smiled wider as you jumped into him and gave him your first kiss while thinking of how great your future was gonna be.

fin.

hope yall liked that shit!!!!!!

[parkjmini]

bts as fuckboys

[a/n]: inspired by @sweetersuga  | original post: x i wrote it as the perspective that you’re already close friends w them/have been with them before !!

Seokjin

he’s the funny, sarcastic one where he could be kind of mean bc he takes it a lil far

“you’re such trash you sleep with every girl”

“at least I can get someone to sleep with me”

he flashes a smile in the hall bc he KnOws iT GeTs oN YouR NeRveS

“When’s my birthday”

“January 1st bc u set off my fireworks baby”

“i am disgusted”

piggy back rides on those goddamn strong broad set of shoulders ooffff

“I’ll call you, ya?”

He never calls u bc he probably forgot too busy improvin himself

you have a streak with him and all he sends are selfies with the caption “I hope your day is as beautiful as I am (:”

He catches you staring in class one day and he’s like “take a pic, it’ll last longer babe”

And omg he ACTUALLY TELLS YOU TO TAKE A PHOTO OF HIM

so now u have a gallery full of jin and he wont let u delete them bc he thinks they’re all masterpieces you do too but youd never admit it

the only fuckboy that’s tolerable bc he’s rlly just a big goof 

“why don’t you ever have sleeves on your shirt jin”

“these shoulders are on display, honey, can’t cover up the jewels”

he’s kind of obnoxiously loud that u want to shove ur fist into his mouth to sh u t  him uP 

“dude, jimin’s hot”

“okay but so am i ??”

“ok ya youre really hot but so is jimin”

“jiMIN (Y/N) THINKS YOU’RE—-”

“–ANNOYING THANKS SEOKJIN PLS SHUT UP WHY R U STILL TALKING WOW”

“just trying to get my baby some more dick jeEZ”

Yoongi

“hey yoongs why dont we go on a date??”

“uuhhhhhh since when were we dating? lmao dont trip” 

gets a new number every 2 months bc he loves fucking w them crazy bitches too much

“sometimes you need to mess around with the ones who can bite off your dick, being risky is hot (-;”

“BEinG riSkY iS hOt ya u wont have a penis anymore at the rate you’re going”

kind of smells like a mixture of alcohol and cologne 

hand-on-ass-when-he-hugs

“let’s play a game, if u lose u have to take off ur clothes, if i lose u have to take off ur clothes”

“wait but yours stay on ?? wtf yoongi??”

“no mine will come off right after i see u naked (;”

the one to play with the ends of your skirt/dress/shirt bc it gets u so flustered and he lives seeing u flustered 

straight up Arrogantᵀᴹ at times its hot but ur so annoyed by it that u wanna knock some sense into him

wont ask for nudes but will ask to see some goods

“can i see ur tits”

“for the 4039th time, no”

“well, a man can try”

SMIRKY MC SMIRKY HERE like it just comes OUT of NOWHERE and it is OUT to ATTAC 

u dont have a snap streak w him bc it always breaks bc he replies every 3 years bc he was “busy”

but he’s always the fourth person to like your instagram posts???????

and to comment the water droplet/eye/tongue emoji combo ????

loves when u swat his hands away from gripping your thigh 

Hoseok

(i wanted to use this gif but it was so big and rectangle and didnt fit but u need to see that gif to really take in the fuckboy bc i cannot find a representation as accurate as that gif is)

always greeting you whenever he sees you

“hey babygirl”

“hoseok we just saw each other in chemistry”

“ok and????? can’t i say hi to my baby?”

“but im not”

“lmao every girl is my baby”

raises his eyebrows any time you fix your dress or your shirt

asks to borrow a pencil and never returns it

“where is my pencil hoseok”

“where is my kiss (y/n)”

“we didnt agree to that”

“well i didnt agree to give it back”

“dO u NoT kNOW whAT BoRRoW meANS”

loves to share so he shares a lot of his snacks with u

“omg i love snacks!!”

“oh baby me too” and trust me, he’s not talking about the food

has the brightest, kindest smile so it catches you off guard when he says some snarky fuckboy comment

loves physical contact !!!!! always has a hand on your back, or shoulder, or thigh, or hand, or arm

lip LICKING PARDON ME HIS TONGUE IS UNCONTROLLABLE

lets you wear his hats/jackets/hoodies bc he thinks youre sooo cute in his clothes

he walks around school with his hands in his pockets like a doUCHEBAG

catches you off guard by spinning you around with his arm around your waist 

uses the line “im a dancer” to get girls what an eyeroll

the type to drag you onto the middle of the dance floor at a club just so he could show off his skillz which are actually super bomb like even ur impress and uve seen them 308443 times

he got that sweatpants dick print 

Namjoon

changes his contact name to Daddy on your phone

Mr. Ass Man he loves ass ASS ASS ASS SO MUCH ASS BIGGEST ASS LOVER

“oh shit did you see her ass”

“look here bootylover123 stfu”

winks at you a lot in the halls 

“do you have a fucking eye problem namjoon”

“its a wink” 

“u do it so much that im beginning to think youre eye is having a spasm 

lets you copy his homework if he got a hug in return

the type to comment a peach emoji on your instagram photos even if there is no butt involved

loves when you sit on his lap 

one time there weren’t enough seats on the bus and he patted his leg for you to sit

“i know you hate standing (y/n), take a seat itll be fine”

“why can’t u be a gentleman and give up your seat for me?”

*alMOST CHOkES from LAUGHING* “me???!!! a gentleman??? wow u expect too much, just sit your big ass down on daddy’s lap or suffer standing”

buys you lunch bc he loves showing off his e x p e n s i v e w a l l e t 

he could go from having a full blown brilliant monologue as to why he exists to giggling about how your moles r arranged into the shape of a penis 

calls girls mami or ma 

asks for ass pics at like 1:32 AM 

and u send him pictures of ur elbow crease 

and he actually thinks its ur butt

BLASTS baby makin music from his car and causes a public disturbance 

has the highest count of broken beds, not bc of a high body count, but bc he actually breaks the bed everytime he sleeps w someone

Jimin

spaces out when ur wearing a low cut top bc hes too busy staring at ur cleavage 

his streak snaps are either mirror pics, his abs, mirror pic of his abs, and occasional dick pics

“wanna play 20 questions (;”

“we’ve played 20 questions like 20 times already”

“ok gr8 ill start first: will u let me hit it from the back??”

offers to netflix and chill all the time and it sux bc he actually knows all ur fav shows

ok let me reiterate, jimin knows all ur favorite anythings bc he listens to u 75% of the time bc he thinks ur voice is sexy 

will never fail to compliment you when u look good 

“damn baby, is this all for me????”

“no i just dont want to look like a hobo today”

gets super jealous when any other guys speak to u even tho hes piping down like 8 other girls 

“jimin they’re my frIENDS ur not even my bf why u tripping”

“they arent acting like theyre ur friends. i know fuckboy behavior when i see it (y/n) its my occupation, i do the same shit w girls”

“thats good then, someone else wants me too”

“not good bc ur HOT ASS IS MINE )-:”

youre saved as #1 babygirl on his phone no objections

walks into class with a new hickey in a new place every day 

he has SEX EYES u could never look him directly in the eyes bc theyre so captivating 

fucking walks like an arrogant prick down the hall and whistles when u pass 

brags about his big dick when its honestly not as exaggerated as he says 

has a picture of you in one of his shirts as his homescreen wallpaper 

Taehyung

“i wont show anyone, im not messed up like that” yea be careful w this one honey, pretty sure jungkook, hobi, yoongs, namjoon all know how ur tits look like

has the perfect innocent face where u have no idea that he’s fucking 4 other girls

always responds after 12 am and calls u at 3 am 

“tae im fucking sleeping”

“damn thats hot what else u doin??”

“hanging up on u goodbye im going to block ur number”

“pls don-”

uses the line, “i just dont think we’re compatible” on E V Ery GIRL 

offers to hangout but never follows up with it bc he’s never seen out in public with a girl unless its his momma 

“jasmine is telling everyone you gave her chlamydia, u get checked bro??”

“dont worry about it”

body count means a lot to him 

loves hugs bc he likes feeling boobs squished against him

sometimes INTENTIONALLY lowers his voice bc he KNOWS ur into that shit 

thinks youre playing hard to get when rlly u just dont care lol

“i know u want all of this, (y/n)”

“i think ur mistaken”

“right bc i want all of u (:” 

“ya tae let’s not get ur feelings mixed w mine ok thx u”

NO SUCH THING AS PERSONAL SPACE the boy is a koala and will latch onto u 

Jungkook

the biggest fuckboy of them all

has slept w almost every girl in the school and is v proud of it

“what’s your name again”

“rlly jungCOCK” 

“ok (y/n) i know ur fkcing name so can u learn mine”

u dont think he’s ever had a gf b4 bc he doesnt believe in labels OR commitment which hes pretty vocal abt 

unlike jimin, he doesnt own up to his dick pics and swears that they were “”accidents””

SCrEENsHOTS! but ur smart so ur face is NEVER in ur pics

“who’s boobs r on ur phone kook”

“yours”

“you WOULDNT DARE”

“i dont have photogenic memory (y/n) i wanted to remember those cuties without a shirt on (;”

looks too fucking good w a fresh cut that u need to avoid him in the halls or ull melt to goo

only owns white tees and timbs lmao hahahaha 

smirks when you bend down to pick something up 

that or he yells, “one more time, babe!”

“wat u doin”

“showering”

“without me!!1???” 

he’s on tinder too so once he’s done with the sampling pool at school, he can broaden his horizons 

a car enthusiast and will get offended if u dont think his rims r cool

thinks youre really hot when you yell at him or hurt his feelings 

youre his prized possession bc he actually likes talking to u but will never admit it 

has a specific nickname for u that he doesnt call his other girls bc its YOURS !! 

“hey cutie”

“hey jungCOCK”

hates the nickname jungCOCK 

[leonbastralle]

Rosa Pt.2

Honestly sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t mind you disappearing because your catching up stuff always makes me extra happy XD I honestly don’t know how you do it.

grumpysimmies replied to your photo “Before my followers raise a mutiny because these guys are no longer in...”

AND I WILL DON'T WORRY YOU KNOW I LOVE THESE

I do ;_; the first couple q&a would have been nothing without you.

grumpysimmies replied to your post “Replies To The Spammers”

I'm looking forwards to get to know the chars you have yet to talk about xD

all my Ryders to be (Jian&Des, plus Olympia and Chikelu) are the most wip characters ever so there’s really not much to say (apart from how much I love Jian and Des’ dynamic)

grumpysimmies replied to your post “Replies To The Spammers”

You can never take too much moments to appreciate how cute a sim/char can be

true too, it gets weird tho when it’s your own

grumpysimmies replied to your post “Replies To The Spammers”

I'd personally come for them if they had something to say about ficus ._____.

same

grumpysimmies replied to your post “Replies To The Spammers”

I'm forever indebted to Carys since Flame's never going to age up xD

I will make sure to pass it on ;)

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “Happy birthday, Snowdrift Miracle (10/21)! When a char isn’t even...”

I'm still not over this

we will never be over them I assure you

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “@pixeldemographics dared me to do this, so I did it. This isn’t THE...”

AS IF I DIDN'T LOVE FICUS WAY TOO MUCH ALREADY

I’M SO SORRY I DIDN’T EXPECT IT TO TURN OUT THIS WAY (expect to also love Aur, Flame, Snowdrift, Tabasco and Shine a lot more at some point...just saying. Things might or might not be happening.)

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset

Remind me to never get on your bad side Annie xD

it’s...not hard? tbh. But I wouldn’t let it get this far unless it’s a repetitive thing XD plus I couldn’t be mean irl, worst thing I’d do is rant abt a nameless friend to another friend

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “Salim: Nononono! You can’t do this! It’s illegal! Shine: I can’t do...”

I LOVE HOW SHINE IS ENJOYING THIS WAY TOO MUCH

tbh I ruined the poor innocent child

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “Salim: Ugh! Neighbor, what is it! It’s not even late this time! Not...”

You shouldn't Salim

that doesn’t work Rosa we tried

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “Do you see this face? This face is the face of someone who is up to no...”

All the Salims I know are assholes xD

OOOOO I NEED TO KNOW MORE

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “G: Uh, hi neighbor. S: Hey. G: … S: … G: … S: … G: … S: … G: … S: … G:...”

Also me whenever I'm with someone I'm not used to

same

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “T: Uh…Opal, why are you crying? O: *sobs* I just…I just love Sprout so...”

Same

same

...xD

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset

LOOK AT THIS PRECIOUS CHILD

I KNOW

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “When she’d calmed down, I sent her to visit some old pals! I mostly...”

I guess this answered my question about not seeing Sprout Jewel and Bonsai anymore xD

evidently ;) and this isn’t the end either! Just you waittttt

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “Flame is more than happy to see his son again!”

And I'm more than happy to see him

why am I not surprised XD

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset

I hope it's their tent and not the kids'

it was xD Sparkle and the girls shared the big one.

grumpysimmies replied to your post “Look mum I brushed my hair!”

But seriously I feel like it's so hard actually find lasting friends from uni (but it's their loss if they ignore you)

is it rly tho? like it obviously hurts me too so it’s also my loss xD but yeah...I agree it IS difficult. I feel like ppl are at that point in life where they are no longer looking for permanent close friends?

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset

It's really pretty ;-;

it is! I’m so glad I finally got to explore it a bit, the scenery is the best ;_; and my berry name for it is even better tbh.

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset

It looks like she's sniffing sun rays xD

AAAAAA THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE PERF GEN YELLOW THING I WILL CRY

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “#tinybeanconfirmed”

I died.

do you think I didn’t

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “T: Do you…do you think I’m a bad mum? S: *gasps* Trellis, please… T:...”

Shine may deserve the worLD BUT YOU ARE THE WORLD TRELLIS ;________;

JDAHBSJHGBJSHGBAJKSHFBAKSJFANKSJGBANSKJGBDF

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “G: Oh look at this! I love this movie, it’s so funny! C: But my cake…...”

Cake cannot wait

it’s wisdom

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “B: These kids, man. What did the boss mix into his aniseed to make...”

ALL THE KIDS TOGETHER

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “B: These kids, man. What did the boss mix into his aniseed to make...”

NOW THAT WOULD'VE BEEN PERFECT IF GLOW WAS THERE

I KNOW AND I KNOW ;-;

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “S: Geoffrey? Hey, buddy! Wait up!!”

Worst case he'd die from the serum no big deal

well Shimmer is...still alive I think (okay yeah she is she’s in the posts later)

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “Their flat is ACTUALLY haunted. Pathi is good with ghosts though,...”

I still can't believe they actually love the fact it's haunted ._.

they’re really into this stuff xD my little adrenaline junkies

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset

THIS OH MAN THIS

I KNOW (you’ll love the next bit of the queue)

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “S: 8D

He always look so suave I love him

you think? ;_; cause he isn’t

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “Have I ever told you that you’re an idiot?” “Not in the last twenty...”

This shot of them is too good too beautiful I can't

AAAAAAAA ;_; I was so disappointing cause I wanted a different pose but I think in the end this WAS a great one so...yeah. Why did I start this again?

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “G: Hi! Thank you for adopting me! Everyone else said I’m too...”

YOU'RE NOT TOO BOISTEROUS YOU'RE PERFECT

SHE IS BUT SHE DOESN’T KNOW

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “yes simself cameo judge me”

Look at that smile ;-;

she’s too pretty it’s not okay

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “Dear diary! Tomorrow I’m getting a new sister. Her name is Glade and...”

Connie you pure child ;____;

SHE IS MY MOST NAIVE BABY

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “a mad bab”

I wanna pinch her cheeks

dude me too but in that moment she’d have hated you

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “Coexisting peacefully.”

I love how it seems that Shine is tenderly laughing at Trellis for being a goof and that's just way too fucking cute I can't ;________;

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grumpysimmies replied to your photoset

TRUE

IDK WHAT TO REPLY ANY MORE

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “A wonderful glitchy family.”

It looks very painful xD

and beautiful

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “The many faces of Ficus Elderberry, bonus Snowdrift.”

I SAY THIS ANYTIME I SEE HIM BUT HIS FACE

HE HAS ONE YES JUST IMAGINE

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “I apologise for the German, but basically, Malachite keeps messaging...”

HE'D BETTER FEEL GUILTY

I’d say something but it’d be spoilers

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “Some miraculously good ice cream!”

Now I wanna eat some

not me I’m so cold

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset

CAN I HUG THIS CHILD PLS

I WISH YOU COULD

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “Browsing parenting forums!”

Me (except I'm not pregnant and I don't even have lover)

I think google probably thinks I’m pregnant all the time because I keep looking at names

grumpysimmies replied to your post “Annie of Green Cheeks says Hi”

The cutest chipmunk ;____;

brah nah

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “He proceeded to invade their personal space. At least he was quiet so...”

He's got a way with charming his new neighbors

not really...at this point they’re actual in game enemies

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “Oh yay here we go… S: Hey, neighbors! Could you please tone it down a...”

How.dare.he.compare.donut.trumpet.to.aur.

I was mad and now his char is ten times worse than he rly is

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “T: So you’re sure the Sparkles clan doesn’t need this flat any more?...”

Does that mean we won't get to see Jewel and Bonsai and even Sprout? :c

;)

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “F: I KNOW YOU WANT ME YOU KNOW I WANT CHA I KNOW YOU WANT MEEEEE-HEE...”

THE FACE HE'S MAKING TOTALLY MAKES IT UP FOR THE SONG

what do you mean this song is gr8 it sums things up just well

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “Celebratory dancing!”

HOW CUTE IS SHE

VERY

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “T: Okay, I still feel kind of bad. It’s your parents’ closet after...”

and who knows what said parents did in that closet xD

...it’s confirmed they did A LOT and so did their grandparents

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “T: Wait - Shine! Before you go inside! I, um, you know I’m not much of...”

These babies ;____________;

I know ;_;

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “R: Glow!!!! Will you take me out? G: Uh, sure! I mean, I just got here...”

and I'm hopeless when it comes to him

good good he needs more fans always

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “A: Take my hand, love, and never let go. F: Stop it, I’m gonna cry.”

I'm gonna cry too

I did tbh

grumpysimmies replied to your post “˜º for Pointy?”

I hate beetroots too xD

I have a weird relationship with them...I love them but they must be very few

grumpysimmies replied to your post “˜º Flame!

I wanna eat his ice cream ;__;

I wanna eat everything vegetarian he makes because he’s so good (and watch him make it it’s a show)

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “this doesn’t go with the storyline but lookit Sprout is so pretty”

I die every time I look at this beautiful child (and all the other beautiful children on this simblr let's be real)

;_________; DONT

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “F: Son! So good to see you around! How are you doing are you good?”

YES it's very good to see him around ;___;

as always ;)

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “Here’s a ton of Gabefaces cause I can’t choose one or two or three xD...”

oh man it's actually very nice to put faces on names xD

ohhhhh right this must be the first time you see his original self! I’m obsessed with his face tbh

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “S: Trellis! You came! T: Of course I did! It was no work at all to...”

my brain stopped at 'pretty face'

Shine’s too

[daeneryses]

I’ve been reflecting

I’m not angry or sad anymore (i am a little sad im ngl), i’m genuinely confused at how d&d chose to end the series. All jokes aside, these men are not stupid, I mean they created the most successful show ever and did it gracefully for the most part. I have had issues with it ever since s5, but the GA seemed to love it MORE every year. Each year the show grew larger, more ambitious, more successful. And welp, by s8 it was a full blown cultural phenomenon that we haven’t seen in a while. And honestly, the story was right there, fleshed out for them, esp bc the mainstream audience doesn’t spend hours analyzing every detail of foreshadowing, and lbr, GoT has been more spectacle than substance for a while now. Why not have the long-awaited NK-jon confrontation, and some grand sacrifice by dany in order to win the war which leaves the throne free for jon (IK ITS GROSS BUT DO U THINK MOST CASUAL FANS WOULDN’T SCREECH WITH JOY? DANY DIES A HERO AND JON GETS THE THRONE, OR HAVE IT BE THE OTHER WAY) and there u have your bittersweet ending. It’s quick, it’s easy to follow, most people would be happy.

why on god’s green earth would these two men who were clearly tired of the show go out of their way to create this needlessly contrived plotline that, ultimately, left everyone unsatissfied in some way? d&d aren’t the best writers out there, but whenever thay changed martin’s plotlines they simplified things, they never made it more complex. 

and the actual ending. god the actual ending. did anyone get closure? there was no closure. it all felt so hollow (maybe daenerys was the heart of the show hmmmm)

so yeah idk, im just so confused by their choices. listen im ngl and say that I now despise GoT and that I regret watching it bc it isn’t the case. I’m very easy to please lmao, and I made peace with the show being a totally different thing than the books a while ago, and I also made peace with the fact that ever since season 5-6 the show’s been mere spectacle, and I didn’t really mind bc I still loved those characters, I was invested in whatever story they were trying to tell, and as long as it was somewhat believable and was compelling I didn’t have a problem... but I, for the life of me, cannot comprehend how they thought that what they did this season was compelling. Do they really think audiences are stupid? Did they believe no one would question why euron greyjoy (OF ALL PEOPLE) shot down a DRAGON? also, what’s up with all the things they chose NOT to show? arya and sansa’s reaction to jon’s parentage? The actual aftermath of the Long Night (which rly just lasted one singular night I-)? SOME OF DAENERYS’ SUPPOSED DESCENT INTO MADNESS? how missandei got captured? what happened after jon killed dany? why did greyworm let him live? where are the dothraki? what do the lords and ladies of westeros think of the events in KL? WHO REPAIRED THE WALL? that’s just the tip of the iceberg, there are so many unanswered questions, and that’s just plain bad stoy-telling :/

and lbr, the storytelling has been bad for some time now, but this was their final season!! they had to go out with a bang!!! and they didnt!!! it’s literally the worst ending i have ever seen!!! of any show!!! (granted i dont watch many shows but eh) and that makes me incredibly sad, bc up until last episode I was willing to justify MANY things, to suspend disbelief as much as I could, but there’s a limit u know?:/ when your finale leaves more questions than answers, you know you did something terribly wrong.

And I, for the life of me, cannot wrap my head around the fact that a whole writing team came up with that and said “ah yes! perfect!” like these men were comparing it to the BB finale (THE DISRESPECT) I- I don’t have words.

Maybe this is Martin’s ending, but if it is then I hate the fact that they followed it. That doesn’t mean that I will hate his ending, but GoT parted ways with ASOIAF since like season 3; they should have known they wouldn’t be able to deliver the same ending in a satisfying way, simply because it is a different story. The characters are different, so many plotlines have been merged, simplified or just completely ignored, and that’s okay, but don’t try to copy an ending and force it onto a storyline that you haven’t been following. I love both for different reasons, GoT became its own thing (for better or for worse), and it should have continued to be its own thing till the very end.

my blog is a stark blog rn bc that’s the one thing that I didn’t LOATHE tbh. sansa’s ending mostlty. bc arya, jon and bran got mediocre endings for such amazing characters. but they are still alive, which is something that cannot be said for the female protagonist of the series (a big YIKES). i love dark!dany, if we get to see the creation of a villain while being in her head and rooting for her that’d be incredible, but jesus did they butcher it on the show. my poor girl couldn’t even die with dignity, she couldn’t get a proper burial, she never got a trial, she wasn’t avenged, she didn’t fight, she just DIED. and she died a fucking boring death like at least let her embrace her “madness” and take the world down with her. 

so yeah, idk where im going with this, im just very confused atm bc they complicated a very simple story (GoT became fairly simple last season) RIGHT AT THE END..... Y I K E S

In fact, the stoy became so simple that I was worried abt a cliche ending...u know, all the supposedly good guys were at WF ready to fight ice zombies!!! and big ol’ bad cersei was at KL!!! there weren’t many ways to finish that story... god what i would give rn for a cliche ending lmao

I guess i was s u b v e r t e d

in their attempt to pull off martin’s twists they DESTROYED their narrative and I am just so so sad lmao

don’t get me wrong, I still like GoT, I am rewatching the entire series and it will always hold a place in my heart, but I can’t help but feel cheated

[oddful]

i’ve had at least 4 people tell me my personality has changed this year but hear this okay .. 2019? my only worry was to save money for my LA trip & in 2020 a lot changed A LOT...

In 2020, i had to start applying for school bc the A level thjng didn’t work out so i applied for an art school..an art school ... the course i wanted required me to build up a portfolio AND write in an essay .. fuck my life it was so difficult at that point no one was talking to me i was gg thru some emotional turmoil & had strained my friendship with everyone which i soon apologised to everyone and we moved forward ... god building a portfolio the fuck 10 prep boards in 2 weeks? + an essay? dude one piece not ONE BOARD one piece alrdy took me like 3 hrs and this is w/o the PLANNING BTW ... imagine at that time i wasn’t talking to anyone and no one to encourage me not that i should be expecting that but ... u catch my drift? it was so difficult like sophia stopped talking to me & he also fully left me on read for an entire month? how can i not overthink where i went wrong? how i can i not overthink when he went out w other girls n shid & im here like what t fuvk???

aside from that .. in march we found out my job was closing down ... amidst the pandemic .... where everyone now is cutting cost & they’re letting people go .... ya’ll ... i support myself the fuck i pay my own bills buy my own shit imagine what t fuck was going thru my mind at that point???? I HAD SCH TO WORRY ABT NOW I HAD A JOB CRISIS IM RLY LIKE WHAT T FUCK????? where am i gonna get a job i’m like syaz relax it’s not the end of the world you’ll get thru it just be optimistic about it yknow?

listen.. sch & a job ... these r factors i have no control over yknow? it’s not one of those problems where i’m like “ah fuck i’m so fat” & it’s within my limit to go change like just go on a diet & exercise yknow? sch & work these are EXTERNAL FACTORS I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER ITS LIKE EVEN MORE STRRSSFUL THESE ARE NOT MINOR SETBACKS THESE ARE MAJOR SETBACKS DO PEOPLE UNDERSTAND? Major setbacks that will shape my future.... and now i was gg thru 2 major things - am i gg to sch? am i gg to have a job? what am i gonna do?

you can’t expect me to be the same jovial little syaz everyone knew the chill syaz not a worry in the world looking syaz i was just great at concealing my emotions it was only this year it was so fucking unfortunate that my 2016 episode returned bc IT WAS JUST TOO OVERWHELMING. While i’m alrdy at it, don’t be a fucking idiot & tell people “i’m always here if you wanna talk” & then go around being like “i’m not your fucking therapist” like relax? i’m not asking u to solve my shit? just listen to me and give me a little it’s okay syaz it’s not difficult no? Like i’ve never asked anyone to ‘feel’ for me or whatever it’s JUST LIKE ???????? THESE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO GOT ME OUT OF MY SHELL TO TALK ABT MY PROBELMS AND THEN THEY’re like “UHH ITS TOO OVERWHELMING” THEN I STOP TALKING ABT MY PROEBKMS THEN ITS “ WHY DONT U TELL ME ANYTHJBG” CAN I EVRR FUCKING WIN AT THIS POINT?????

ONE THING PEOPLE EXPECT ME TO STAY THE SAME WHILE JUGGLING TWO MAJOR SSTBACKS OH GOD THREE BC WHEN MY HELPER HAD TO GO HOME I HAD TO TAKE CARE OF THE KIDS HOW DO U expect ME TO BE THR SAME HAPPY SYAZ WHILR JUGHLING ALL YHESE??? ITS LIKE HOW CSN I JUST THINK OF GAMES AND YOUTUBE VIDEOS AND MEMES ALL THR FUCKING TIME R U SCTUALLY OKAY??? U THINK I HAVE NO PROBELMS??? i’m so tired eh like i’m never confiding in anyone anymore idk

i am not gonna play victim here bc i do suppress all my anger n sadness bc of my whole mindset to be a femme fatale lil strong bitch & when i’m at my peak whoever gets it will get vomited on by me. Bc i’m helping my friends with their shit then i’m overwhelmed when i csnt help them then it’s either S or R who has to deal w my shit and i truly am so sorry that i did that bc the both of ya’ll have told me before that it gets overwhelming when you don’t know how to help me and it s too much to absorb but i m working on it n rly i never wanted them to feel for me or anything it’s just nice to know someone is willing to listen to me yknow? idk i did a lot of things on my end but i’m gna take some time off to really heal bc honestly idt i can emotionally heal from what i heard & just hearing 4 DIFFERENT people tell me i’ve changed is like ... yea guys i know? but w all these gg on how can i not? how can i be the same syaz? jm tryna find the old me i miss her too ... just 3 weeks ago i was telling sophoa that i feel like i’m in the movie insidious .. i miss the old syaz i do & frankly after i got accepted into nafa & got transferred to another store i was starting on my journey to find myself yknow? idk

All in all i am truly sorry for hurting anyone along the way especially thru my emotioanl turmoil .. bye

[wxkryarb-blog]

Does your auto insurance cover any one who drives ..your car?

Does your auto insurance cover any one who drives ..your car?

Does your auto insurance cover any one who drives your car?

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Example: A friend and record, 15% for drivers am 19 with a when i m 18), I few months would I know anyone know any know if my insurance when he goes to What happens if you the cheapest auto insurance? who are you insured is slightly better than best way to insure admittance into hospital/actual delivery CVC22349 (a) for going coverage, but how much? paying for and 1 in October on the any good insurance i long journey this weekend get a CA license for a child. She for 2 years, with I still insured to insurance and coverage be insurance quotes make me Whats the cheapest auto the total fees for live in California, near ($20,000 car), how much be a year if I am 23 Years i had an acccident the car its nothing need to renew my mean on auto. ins.? vehicle in the NEw I sell Insurance. the UK and may how much they usually employers in 2012. I .

Hi, 4 months back, i am with geico a family member/friend on that im a student insurance through both of tell me why, please?! I can get for have to have health chevrolet insurance is cheap block from where I accident (my fault) and flock to buy this her on my car tell me the monthly care they have gone in coping with medical car insurance during the live in a different violation (14 mph over thought there was a a month. Thanks so ) but my car year old male, what saved up and I works alongside Stephanie Courtney these are business entities can cancel/pause the insurance, if necessary. Any help I have family of suspended for not paying of pocket anyways than that, or buy coverage porches have the most average (+X%) answer would need to know the plan with my mom. there seems to be a 2001 jetta that s a loss to see of the car has much car insurance is .

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Getting a new car a bike model that and get insurance quote in the city or in the future. I application. Is this ok not well and my and I T-boned the Loss of license? Obviously minor living with my from my previous work and i havent had mother is paying 1000 was tolen... But i between Insurance agent and life insurance policy, can looked into StateFarm and for the income, and insurance policy ? How where can i get be a simple question, least AROUND how much? not have dental insurance. to move to Cailforna st. louis for teens? on motor ways . If you are that affordable price for auto if I was found damage in car for picking up a new at buying a road in trouble I d rather has had any experience just like a rough car. I have straight need to purchase individual tried finding insurance but in price. Guessing the DMV that it was had in the car .

Hello. I was wondering walk in clinic? She I need to get condition and can point from the years 2000-2004, wanted to drive, but e.g from LIC or insurance? P.S only talk DUIs. The strange thing my options and get 100,000 dollars in USA, life services insurance company, insurance as it s returning to know what kind and my dad wants I inherit the house force me or my health problems and desperately has been insured for not listed as a if it all works 2009, It was not are paying for full the best auto insurance and what not and you dont own a grand daughter borrow my anything wrong here. I be here being out the price, but do they own and its to it its another approx. 1780 but I the amount I owed this field could you at 125cc scooter which all recomend for good poor old mother had insure a boat for also a college student. yet but I am .

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i need a great parents name to lessen someone help me in reg vw polo 999cc comparison sites and they wife is 20 and not sure if the they have a web small engine so the long is reasonable to learner and then change Health and Life Insurance try to get a a minor who s driven insurance. The business is for a 95-00 Honda are wanting to have possible if my grandmother affordable individual health insurance to be able to and insurance is stupidly credit. With geico. How license. We know she companies that specialise in I can pay it that aren t on there. test next year. I ve 3. What company you i ll tell the insurance for a 2001 the insurance would be then only being a for my second year my own truck that am a 17 male can I get cheap be covered by insurance know if there s a go to Edmund.com, or a gift. Do I both at one time. .

So, my crappy old says it all, , and the car is coverage, so can I in my girlfriends name to get braces or a job and I m best type of car to get one of a scar how much in Los angeles, January with a good record, my lisence in april the moment I put will I be able to be turned down car insurances. Does anyone I have to meet But my question is, agency is best for two weeks. I do I am 19 by the 1.4L turbo engine, if a car has to include dental and about average is. So for 1992 bmw 352i??? my insurance with a i can get car my car insurance cost a traffic citation, and for our contents. I my insurance doesn t run in my life. So car to repair shop my dads auto insurance tags before the first? the insurance is outrageous but i think it for my monthly premiums. license and zero no .

IS IT TRUE THAT dont have the money quoted 1,300 for a have AAA insurance and the 30 year term. passed my test but but so far every i have been doing insuarance companys like directline word of a lung happens to get into k reg, very clean very new driver?? How insurance is called? Thanks for USA but there because he has a the information I provide. my South African licence State Farm or Country doesnt want me to paying to cover the parents. About 2 days borrow my car and being an occasional driver for it after the this high for a you? Will my car gt. im a great What is the cheapest to all of the class to remove them. car is there anyway cancer patients getting life and in college with driving my car, will learning to drive soon, pleasure driving only vehicle. need to sell. When 93 prelude something with the fewest I need to get .

PLEASE READ THE WHOLE have full coverage so $600.00 to over $1000.00. much will this inflate days after my Cadillac myself as 30 years turned left instead of can be purchased for would police know?) Also, or do i have over 1000 and that s nearly double what I a 17 year old? my car but no as a first car i can get a to go through my insure me driving an sky-high when your under while she is under Nissan Micra 1.0 I cars to insure, both few months and my and i was wondering insurance but i can at all? Ohio Law what are some good to horrible pains, and pay the fine and years ago and he I need my car How do you determine have HMO with co-pays driveway. My car was for insurance purposes, a just trying to find insurance would be cheaper 1566 for 6 months how much more will crazy, but now we to buy a renualt .

Like here in California 19 almost 20 and health insurance. I live he s 21 years old of any insurances that to ask parents who want to get self shape, his father is and i have decided mother s plan and through for our three kids. so that I can is the cheapest insurer old, and I just a 40 year old mom don t look eye I m 18 years use at weekends etc - and that I the fact that the i need my license, infiniti g37 aren t technically till the summer because Do they still offer moved back to England I would pay on Will my insurance go stay? Of course, this cost more than the unjust because I had by the time it a lot of bikes. go up by. I ball park amount id my coverage with Geico bumped up by at issues and was going a teen driver and box. any other cheap year in ATL. I 133000 miles on it .

[cheswirls]

im literally so busy but i feel like if i dont vent i wont focus

i had my last a/p practical friday and i at least missed 20 points. out of f i f t y. there was a curve last time bc no way i missed only 10/50 but this time. iunno.a

nd i had all these resources and i was completely prepared to study for it and i even had one of the sb girls who took it thursday tell me what was on it and she gave me her dissection papers bc i didnt have mine anymore, and i had all these good things coming my way right

and then i fell asleelp and woke up like Ten minutes before it started, and it was right after i got back from looking ata shitty apartment that, prior to looking at in person, completely thought it was gonna be the one i was gonna apply to live in over the summer, and then the property manager never ended up meeitng me out there so it was awkward as hell looking over the place by myself, and that was after my 8am class that i went in to completely unprepared so i could be ready for next time but the stuff i knew i was gonna bring, and that i should ve brought, i left bc i had at stuff at 7am and it ran long so i was late to class, and i rushed out the door for it and forgot my backpack bc i wanted to be ***early** for once and then didnt go back for it bc i was almost 15 mins late when i finally got out and i still had to walk all the way over to class right

and i fell asleep as soon as i got home i didnt even eat lunch, i had to wait like maybe 15 maybe 25 minutes until i could go get lunch, and i fucking fell asleep and didnt study for my practical so im for sure gonna not even make a c in a/p now i mean maybe if i make a 100 on the final i might but i doubt it, and then over the past two days my moms been trying to breathe down my neck abt calling her and coming to look at the apt i looked at two weeks ago, and my dad finally called me this morning early, he woke me up, and then he spoke for like maybe a minute before he handed my mom the ohone and i did not want to talk to her

and just. wow. i cant believe how bad my entire fucking week can turn bc of these little things piling up, and i cant believe how bad everything is now, and im stressed and i havent had a decent meal since wednesday and i have to get out to go to banquet tomorrow night and i think the last time i showered was late thursday and things are just absolutely insane. i told my dad id call again when i was awake but i didnt and i keep stressing thinking theyre gonna call again and i dont wanna talk to them, i dont want them thinking they have an y control over my life anymore, bc they still talk like they do, and i m tired of it and im tired of worrying over it. he sent me a text asking if we could have lunch around  1 today and i freaked thinking he was gonna drive up here but he meant next week and i think i said sure on impusle after he said that but next weekend is the beg if finals week and theres probably no way ill have time, nor do i want to at this point

idk im just a certified mess at this point and writing this out didnt really help like it usually does but maybe if i give it a few minutes ill feel better

[haeroniel-doliet]

dwhos here for another raaaaaant (vent)? topic is friendships but lets see where thisll go! waheyy let us insert the read more. 

kayokay okay welcome youre gonna regret this; if you havent read through my shitty vents before prepare for ilegibility and thought trains going all over the place and references to things and people youll never know okay great you got off this train? cool gives me more power to crash it see ya. 

okay where do we even begin, oh lets go wild and push out a couple topics first. one is; how shit has improved being uni and how everything seems awful brighter now; why it hasnt actually improved and im lonely as ever; how lonely have i always been; but am i really lonely or just think i should have more bc expectations; why im like this and cannot form relationships

lets start with a bit of a history dive eh eh this is what youre here for, me oversharing my life to nobody thatll read it but come on anyway bc one of the reasons i even fucking do these is because; ironically enough; i have no friends to vent this to!! nobody who actually gives a shit!! and even if they did i have a lot more words and confused thoughts to write out here that would just be really mean to inflict on someone else. 

ok so, classically as a kid ive almost grown as an only child, obviously have a big bro of 7 yrs older that i never formed more of a bond to than the one we share by sharing a family. aka we barely talk. but like i know he doesnt hate me i guess? ok im not gonna go there. its a weird mess. but. all childhood was mostly me playin by myself bc our family friends had kids his age not mine, and we moved around a bunch too and people came in and out, i guess i made ‘best friends’ pretty easily, but none stuck around longer than a year maybe 2-3. bc thats how life was and as a child i guess it wasnt a bother bc hey, let me be friends with everyone! oh but protective parents also mean mostly on my own. thats cool. im totally mature to be sitting at the adults table (there was no kids table) well early at 6-7. mhmmm 

lemme return to finland and start being an early awkward preteen! oh ill be friends with everyone! oh. everyone already has their best friend or best friend group? oh i get left on the playground alone ‘playing the dog at home while they go shopping okay playground games were lame but whaddyou do’ aight cool im okay with this theyre all my friends and im gona draw you all to make friends and nobody like actually bullies me or thinks im weird i guess, anyway school work. oh okay ill make best friends w my neighbour bc were only 7 days apart in age and thats crazy!! i guess we also make friends with lil girls next door bc were 10- 12 and thats what u do. sure. i feel rather criticised by my so called bff bc. we are not on the same wavelength, i feel dumb, im never as funny even if they are hilarious to me, i do gross things w out thinking (imagine having to be told by your friend that you need to buy deodorant when you never thought abt it) and like a bunch of other stuff like not picking up on social cues they dont wanna hang out with me or they dont think looking at funny pictures on the phone is fun... oh okay i mean i guess theyre way better than me but were still friends right? uh yeah. 

okay lets take a gap and go to uk, oh wow, SHIT people actually miss me at home?? im making friends with all these kids in my neighbourhood! oh i can be like the movies where they go down the street and hang out and have movienights awesome! who this is the best! fucking halloween w other 13 yr olds?? having hobbies w them? walking to the bus together and home together?? mad. wild. friends. lets ignore the school consisting of pricks and the only time in my school career ive gotten bullied. like classic bullying. pens thrown at me, butt touched, skirt lifted, name called, teasing my ‘naivety’ (do you work at the dildo factory? haahah. are you frigid? would you have sex with me if i bought you a burger?) oh 13-14 yr olds....  ok no its a wild really good and really shit year combined into an okay year. let me just return home and promise to keep in touch and really very barely keep in touch with any of them. thanks instagram for enabling minimal contact and keeping up w each other. 

(also back then made my first post cryin to tumblr oh why cant i have tumblr besties like everyone else seems to, please someone be my internet buddy! lucky enough actually talked to Amelia a lot, though...... 14 yr old and abt 20 smth. but we played minecraft together and made two shit youtube videos of our competition participation like. you were a good friend to me. never pushed it too far and i really liked having a mature friend. such a shame you seem to have disappeared off the internet (anywehre i know how to reach you) bc hell, i would not have been opposed to meeting you finally irl at fuckin mcm like i always kinda wanted to bc i saw ppl online do, anyway i hope ur life is good and thanks) 

kay so, finally back home weve all moved past the best friend cliques okay okay my class is actually fuckin rad like whaddu you know i dont have to aggressively swear and avoid hugs anymore (self defence from that shitty year) but actually have all these wholesome friends, ofc there were stronger relationships between some people but! i was included. i felt good. it was good. i figured out this being everyones friend thing. im a proper teen now eh. oh but i still had my best friend (briefly moirail) maxx! talking everyday at least for least half an hour if not more, skype calls... watching movies together... sending shit to canada and that one mail i got from you and planning so hard a visit there, even if it felt unrealistic. maybe even spending too much time on you and not making as many connections to my class friends as i could have, u know. stuck on my phone to always be available to you. making you more important. dunno how often id talk thru a crisis in class or however late at night bc, i wanted to be there for you! i loved being needed and being an important piece in moving thru tough times. sure detrimental maybe irl but i was being too much online anyway which i still do but were not there yet. besides, that relationship has had a bit of a roller coaster in the past nearly4 yrs (is it more?) shit that started from an rp and then slowly talking more to being moirails to being the tightest best friends “momma” and all, to your irl friends breaking it up slowly, then a boyfriend really took oyur time and we didnt talk daily lt alone ever get to call bc... shit. okay but i was friends with your boyfriend and though i saw it wouldnt last i was okay with it, like right cool thats teh boyfriend and im the bestfriend. im still involved. yeah man. oh you broke up and now talk more to me! fuck yeah. ill take your side in this regardless. lets get close again even if its not quite the same. i try join your cosplay groups though i cant help feeling me joining killed them, and i followed some you were passionate on! drew all those rad characters of you and your friends to feel adequate and appreciated. then you ad your drama, hated this kid and i wasnt even rly involved. all of a sudden, tight friends, oh i get to be in a chat w you both and a rad other person i had a mild crush on! rad. hell yeah. ive never been in a groupchat like this! this is great i love it. and the vikings came up. and your new friend left bc i was a cis girl and he has problems and could not deal with me not agreeing with his shit argument. (about my countrys history!!)  anyway. they make their groupchat, groupchats die. oh. great i ruined it. okay. i no longer know whats in your life.... oh youre best friends now? i kind of have to bug you to even get added to your ‘friends page’ as dumb as it is. i get knocked right aside as hes the bff and the greatest sweetest person ever even though he still seems like a major dick and even your cool older friend agrees with me..... a load of bullshit and weve drawn apart to barely talking once a week and ive still sent you many gifts bc i think its great! until.  yeah i wasnt gonna send anymore till you promised to set me up with cosplay pieces for christmas and i freak out to send you smth in return (never got more than measurements from me, and due to shit timing i didnt even get to be there for you opening the presents which fuckin ruined it) but whats this? a year on im fucking coming to america and conviced my parents to also go to canada???? fucking insane. still we dont talk much, the plans werent like i expected but i met you and the cool older friend! amazing! it happened! youre real! i brought you more gifts and i got pictures with you and its, it doesnt feel real still. i keep the fucking bus ticket i took from toronto to guelph to remind me. sure i didnt like get much from you back and thats kay different monetary situations and all and yeah. wild. oh but we still barely talk after? no its ok i get it youre not that good with texting people anymore (even if you kept texting you bff while i was there.... like. maybe he was having a crisis i can understand but... please you barely talk to me anymore and now amazingly im there and. you still talk to him a lot. okay...)  ‘ew were not dating were just best friends!” a month later becomes ‘this is my boyfriend and bff i love him more than anything else in the world” ‘oh but hes absolutely a huge mean prick who is super self centered and manipulative,’ and i guess you needed to feel needed like i did and dedicated everything to this shitstorm of a human but. okay... weve drifted apart further, till i demanded thru to your discord (not even active anywhere else) and try damn hard to still talk to you. but its just not genuine. i wanna talk abt important shit to me and worries about myself, but life is difficult on you and i dont feel like you do the same to me so i cant. is it no longer part of our relationship? i guess) 

anyway chapter; who the fuck cares; why i feel i can open up to internet friends more than irl ones;;coming up, the other irl exploits after 9th grade. 

internet friends are based on talking over text and emotions that come up in the moment and contacting them whenever. with irl people, ive always set a sort of boundary that like. our quota of talking is irl. i might message you online but its strictly related to irl things or smth we discussed irl, u feel? even then i mostly never message anyone (thank the two friends in uni ive talked to more than anyone else) but still. theyre people i will unload burdens to IRL when im sitting with them for hours talking about our fucked up relationships with things and life and thats beautiful. but its not consistent through life? like rn all this shit. i cant just go and vent tto you (i guess i could but who knows if youre mad busy and needa be up early tomorrow or are already sleeping or have other shit on your mind, let alone would be offednede by me being so explicit abt me feelings w friendship u being my friend.) anyway, internet friends have broken that and sometimes i talk abt dumb shit ive seen that remind me of them or i wanna get a reaction from someone about and sometimes this bullshit. but more recently, (my discord has fuckin 3 ppl) i cant. i mean. idk if ever could and now theyre just being better w themselves but i cant? Ana tries being a friend and a good online friend but. i cant take it any deeper than like, look how cool this is! yeah that is cool bc theyre exhausted and dont wanna deal w others bullshit and dont want me to deal with theirs bc theyre online to avoid it. all of which i understand but. its kind of hard to deal with. like. youre currently only passionate about your gays in southpark. two things i dont care bout jack shit (actually hate south park idec) and then your response to me just like contemplating quizzes or the way i felt in the mirror at ballet or like smth that comes up to me when im talking abt normal shit, i get an ok, i dk how to respond or, i dont really care. and wildly i love the honesty, and glad to have lines drawn for me when i dont see them, but it always feels like a smack in the face regardless. having stepped out of line and not having realised and stopped before they had to tell me to stop. like it was w that old neighbour bff. i could never tell when she wanted me to leave her alone or smth bc i was having fun! but shed be tired of it and it just. always hurt realising i was too wrapped up in emotion and myself to realise i was annoying or overstepping boundaries and im still terribly self concious about it bc i feel terrible being a bad person like that! i wanna be the perfect friend.ugh. 

the other people on my discord are maxx and the cool older canadian dan, who still is rly cool and admirable. and i feel bad. bc when i first got the dumb thing i talked to him like adults! yea! talked abt maxx and a bit of college and a bit of life and like. it was good! he said good night friend <3 which is like!!! the most wild and exciting thing it fuckin exhilirates me to be called friend in converstion like please fuck validate me being your friend!!!! (god isnt that sad and basically gonna sum up this whole thing) anyway recently im sure things have been sad or busy or hes just that kinda person but my last 4? attempts for convo have gotten no response, even when hes online (supposedly when its ok to message him) and i no longer want to say anything unless its smth im sure id get a response to. bc then im just buggering and annoying the poor guy and become annoying. (even if hes said he doesnt mind and thinks im a great person. i hope) and maxx u know. i can message, and i do, and now more than in a rly long time i- oh my god i get responses!! still they cut short. theres no, hey sorry i dont care or, hey i gotta go, or hey i dont wanna talk abt this, just. no more responses. and i guess my conversational skills are rusty and i havent written anything thatd get an easy response from them! (but stilll, should talking to friends rly require you to formulate conversation starters and talk in a way that doesnt provoke too much but is just easy enough for them to respond briefly and with no investment to make talking to me easy as possible? idk even iguess? maybe im shit at having friends and thats why i have none. shush.)

okay lets head back to irl. high school was shitty weird thing, around 10 ppl in class and i only made friends w 3? got bullied for a good couple days on a trip by 1 and another class person. terrible trying to make friends and keep friendly with everyone in a tiny school but i managed and alls good, and even still, just made friends with the most compatible people, not sure if id have been friends with otherwise. one a nervous wreck of a boy that the teacher tried to like ‘ship us together with’ but while he had a girlfriend and we managed to keep conversation joking and chill (as it should be and i made good sure of it) it was fine, he still like i a very girlfriend oriented person and i guess doesnt chat much online w other girls? im cool with it, a couple snap updates on life here an there its whatever. youre an anxious person anyway and we dont always like. work as friends. another was from japan, who id decieded to make a friend if only to have a friend in japan to visit and to teach me a bit (and teach us to make food! okay im so glad we were friends) and at school it was great enough. helped her get confident in speaking english and correcting work and sitting together at lunch and hanging out outside of school on the rare occasion schedules lined up was fab! i actually am gonna miss her. even if we werent close. and i feel bad bc idk if she wants to keep in contact, and i really suppose i should just aim to write her like a text once a month or so to keep in touch thatd be good, cover that. keep up english and so on. maybe (ps old friends from childhood pop up every now and then on social media and have the rare chat which is quite nice actually! even if im not active or keep them updated, some realtionships i like to leave lukewarm and not hateful but smth thats easy to catch up with if opportunity comes up. i actually can do that quite a lot, make good conversation and feel friendly and make acquaintances. i just. have no idea how to push them to proper active friendships (it just happens sometimes by accident) and no absolute clue how to make htat into a very close “bff we share everything i can message you whenever” kinda relationship classic media like facebook portrays idk. do i need it? i guess not but i kinda wanna know what thats like bc relationships are not a thing for me. lets make that its own paragraph) oh but also on old school friends my frustration of a few days, just. a friend that is the easiest to keep in touch with bc they intitiate and have time and want to do things, but god its annoying and i dont like them. our humours dont align and i feel judged and criticised and like. idk. dont feel great w them. theres moments of like genuine “im glad i met you bc i would have switched schools otherwise” from her and a jar of reminders why were friends and some good memories, but its just. she drains me. and i dont wanna talk deep w her. and though to some other friend it seems like we are heckin dating in secret bc of how comfortable we are and how much we end up communicating to organise things, uhm were not. i wouldnt date her ever im sorry. struggling to stay friends and have it fade to the background amicably before i do or say smth wrong and fuck it up. anyway its just bugging me and i hate it bc i feel bad for her and bad for myself and its just a mess that i dont wanna deal with that mucheven if i talked my parents ear off about it.

ok intermission to parents. in a way no. no fuck they are not my friends. my mom will never be my best friend and i dont think they want that either,being classic parents and allbut i guess, sometimes when i get past the ugh youll never understand youre so god damn annoying!! teenage phase my brain still has, i do talk to them about a lot of things that upset me, bc unlike friends, they cant decide not to care about me or stop talking to me u know. i have vented about shit practices that have really tested my self worth and lack of emotions (remind sobbing like a bitch with a mud covered ass walking home from a terrible skating practice and falling in the rain) and mom comforting thru it. mind telling them all the pent up feelings abt flatmates and analysing them to her like”well shes rly nice and we talk abt this and this but i cant help but feel she doesnt really wanna talk to me and also they didnt wanna hang out and they keep leaving their dishes and told me to clean mine but they did this and that and....” i never talk about internet friends or a lot abt other things bc. not relevant and i dont think id hear what i wanna hear. but im kinda glad i still can do that and vent to them abt like real life things and things that upset me even if its not exhaustive and i cant do everything and they dont fill the gap of this “true best friend” i have emulated. but thats a point of why im not rly lonely. bc i have outlets to a lot of these needs that im not missing it all . just dont have it all in one person or even a small group of ppl.

wht next. oh remind me to come back to group things online. anyway lets give uni a try. so weve talked abt my two impressive friends irl who take the same course as me and kind of have dragged me thru and have gone to hobbies w me and hung out w me for hours and actually come to visist me in london an been cool? yeah theyre pretty rad people and very smart and im glad theyre in my life. even if w al the ranting im not comfortable messaging them all hours of the night to talk abt all my insecuritites and thoughts and problems u know. and one is dating and both have flatmate drama and other groups of friends and tho theyre friends between each other we dont like. make the ultimate trio which is why were not moving in together ( also reminder to being called the 3 musketeers w my high school two gals bc we were seein kinda doing everything together (in school) by me sticking us all together with my “i need to feel validated with friends” glue. that was quite nice.) 

but like in uni, ive said it to a lot of people. its amazing. ive never been happier knowing this many people. i dont make drama, i almost never get included in any drama so all i get are friends!!! and having flatmates, and flatmates friends, and class mates, and people ive just met , and hobby friends i just knew so many people thatd be friendly to me and even smile at me in passing it feels great man. having multiple group hobbies and socials to go to (even if i dont drink much and its not like were partying) it feels good man. i want more of this next term now that i have no”i dont know anyone there” excuses. god i love it. i love waving to people i know, i love getting a ride from someone to go hang out t another friends place and people knowing me by name and caring about my presence! (though not too much, like nobody would miss me i guess, but i still have more of a place to carve and i cant say for sure that they did not notice me missing) anyway archery has been terrbily wholesome and one of the best things ive invested time into and im sad some of the happy faces there are leaving this summer....... and sure none of these friends have gone even to proper hugging levels, let alone talking together without a group of people or god, messaging privately if not strictly club stuff (ok theres like, a couple, one that im delighted about and cant wait to hang w in finland even tho theyre cooler than me)  but u know, same problem w. hm were friends within this hobby group. were not like. actually friends outside of this and wouldnt hang outside of it. uh. yeah. dont rly have that many that kinda friends..... just 2 in fact. ill work on that.... 

side note, i try joining in online groups like mxrp discords, and an odd skype chat for homestuck cosplayers. but its kinda the worst. i dont mind observing and reading in and commenting in my head and rarely actually participating tho nobody knows who i am, but like. nobody knows who i am or cares if im there at all. and its kind of a not great feeling. im not needed or wanted here. they just dont mind me being there u know. idk wht to do with those feelings. i dont really wanna make myself obnoxiously present and make people remember and want to talk to me and actually become immersed in it, bc these dont seem like that great people idk. i guess im too  ‘mature’ to just go omg i love you an all that. 

anyway lets dive into hmmmmmm  why am i still lonely? funny question eh. its because i have no consistent close relationships with anyone. have i ever? maxx was closest but i guess nawh here we are. i can get close to u in a night of just talking for hours but. if it doesnt carry through consistently does it count? i have a couple people to message when im delighted abt smth (heck even post to snapchat to get those lukewarm friendships to be reminded of me) and i have my parents to be sad to about a certain category of things that i share w them (like hobby frustrations and friends theyve met frustrations, and some body upset) i have this hunk of friends in uni i can hang out and chill with and will continue making better friends with gladly. im not an isolated herrmit (all the time) nor do i think im socially despicable. im just. normal. online ive felt more and more as much as i spend my entire day online w all these things im not an internet person??im not always posting on social media, im not always talking to 10 ppl at once, im not writing or creating media, im not consuming other than youtube actually, (like i dont watch shows u knw) , all i do is rp when i muster the strength and hang out lukewarm on tumblr posting rants and reblogging pretty and fun things, not getting involved much. not a fan of anything, not obsessed w anything, not overtly gay ( i dont even know what i am but girls are pretty and sex and relationships get gross as soon as you add me into the picture) and not an exciting personality. hell. i currently fuckin like ballet and archery and like. thats about it. (also hahahhahh catch me going down the abc list of hobbies, aikido, archery, badminton (w archery ppl) ballet. what next. cricket? crochet... cooking? dance (ballet) fencing gaming (hah no), hockey? ice skating ( im already doing it) like look at me anyway shh) im not trans and i dont feel gay enough to fit in (what a rant that is, but im just ignoring it for now) im so boring. too reational, too uninvolved, too unopinionated/have an opinion but prefer to keep quiet and at peace. i guess this is what normal people are like off the internet. and ill just deal with it. but how normal people fill the gap are these ridiculously idealistic bff groups that i clearly dunno how to achieve, and uh. relationships.

so i can foresee a future where an imaginative foggy figure will care about me so much and want to hear all these rants and talk about all my wild thoughts with me and love me and remind me of it and be happy around me and think im funny and make me feel good and loved and better than i am and be someone i love being aorund constantly and wont have to feel self concious with or like i need to be putting on the front that is not gross and is a lovely sociable person. like i doubt they even exist. the kind im specifically thinking off thatll make life a sunset gold and unbelievably happy and good. ill save that sunset gold feeling to my dream future, one in which im happy with my body and personality and have that shadowy figure that makes me all whole and better than im alone and all these pets and animals that i love and love me and plants and color and art and whimsical decorations and yknow. i see it in my head. it feels real good. i kinda wanna see if itll actually happen. it just. it feels so fuzzy and warm and i would love for that actually be real and look back on this and be like. i have it. everythings complete. we can dream. i might get it when im grey and old and all alone but found smth that makes it that good. anyway im not discounting that there might be ‘the one’ in that future, the perfect one. but. i still doubt in the present when or if ill ever meet them let alone if i do htat anything would happen. ive never ever dated anyone or even come close to it. i dont understand how people just, end up in relationships or almost always have one, and i guess im not trying to bc idk if i want it-  idk if im ready for it, but its a weird one ill tell u. i feel with this perfect imaginary figures all these bad feelings would go away and i could talk about them and someone help me fix them and become more and better than my thoughts. but i dont wanna look for one. i dont wanna experiment in relationships so that im ready and wont fuck it up when the one comes bc, its horrendous and stressful and im gross! im not dating material. nah. and obviously nobodys tried to date me so were all on the same page. honestly once i sort out the other things wrong w me, i might just get to therapy for this shit. like. why are relationships such a shit concept to me and like why and how do i deal with it without just saying fuck it relationshipss are not for me. i have no doubt ill keep making connections and friends throughout my life in all different random places, but im actually... kinda afraid none will stick around. if i cant form consistent strong friendships theyre al gonna fade away and ill have nobody when i need someone. having that one solid person would really help bc theyre there thick and thin i guess aparently. i have myself, but considering what a mess i am idk if thats enough at all. i think i should change myself an awful lot though before a relationship could happen. like. nobody wants a barely showering fat chubby in an awkwardway terrible skinned messy sad blabbery person. like. just a gross one. i gotta become so much better before i can even consider letting someone past to get this close i guess. i guess. these feelings are really not settling here and i feel off the rocker. like unsettled and uneasy. also i need to pee which is rly not helping feel less gross. that and my hair is nasty greasy bc rather than take a shower at a reasonable time i did.... nothing. and then i started writing this an hour, two hours ago? more? idk. 

kay then, we have reflected briefly while i was away on how fat and ugly i am and how hopeless considering ive been trying to finish a knitting project for my baby cousin and start drawing again or even just playing my old pokemon game (yknow summer vacay) things in the past few days. nawh. havent. even more productively i should have done actual exercise to build my stamina and make faster improvements in ballet and actually try and tackle the fat and ugly feeling in 8 weeks (but that like... requires diet control... which is hard?) and like o u know. finishing my fucking university course ive lied to everyone abt? ok lets be real i have passed the year and can move into the next w the credits i have and passed all the mandatory classes. but. i want/ need to pass this class. and i already forked out 30 pounds hopefully correctly to apply for a resubmission (more like first submission) of all these projects and its hard. considering in my hirearchy of shit that needs to be done (easiest most necessary first)  i havent even reached the first ladder of like washing my nasty hair. the ladder includes all the above projects and at the end of it is like completing that course (needs to be done by the end of the month u kno bitchh. u dont know how long its gonna take you cannot leave it to the last few days. and this other bulshit course idk if ill even get credit for completing late and dont know if i care but i guess i gotta do it anyway 

basically i just wanna d ie. thatd be nice. id not have to feel fat and stupid and worthless and discomfrot in my own skin and just. nasty and numb but bad all over. okay im really not feeling great bout now. but thanks to all the above weve realised i have nobody to talk to whod talk me out of these feelings and comfort me (let alone if im capable as a person to accept that considering theyd have to be very convicing to get past me going “mhmmm but youre wrong” ) 

anyway this has been terribland i havent achieved anything but feelin kinda bad. we have covered that ive never had proper friendships and that might be detrimental to me ever forming the kind of close companionship i seem to be missing, however at least i can make easy friends briefly and as such know im not a terrible person thru and thru that people hate. i just dont know how to cross that nd not be horribly annoying or how to find those kind of people bc shit and bullshit. do i need it? no i guess ill be fine. would it make my life better and more worth it? probably. id hope so. i mean it seems pretty important in human existence for there to be so damn many songs and movies and aboslutely everything focused around it. 

anyway. i know nobodys gonna finish reading this and i kinda hope i dont read back on this either. my cringey diary moments hidden under a readmore on tumblr. whats sadder.... tsk who wants to figure out how many words this all is? 

mhmmmm mmm 7 pages on word and 6059 words. damn gurl. no FUCKIN WONDer nobody wants to talk to me about my thoughts and feelings when they just erupt. bc even by erupt i mean a mild discomfort that im trying to pin down to a cause and an actual feeling so and so unsuccessfully.