#at least for the time being 😔

[lotus-pear]

horrendously late entry for @luneariann’s dtiys!! congrats on one million ely i’m so proud of you <3

[turtleblogatlast]

Every single member of the Hamato family is equipped with the cantrip Vicious Mockery and 80% of its use is friendly fire.

[royaltea000]

pov that strange boy is back at the border

these models are so lietpol to me

[lelianasbong]

i DO think it's going to be funny to watch the dragon age fandom explode when people finally get their hands on veilguard. and realize all of the companions have Opinions

[befuddled-calico-whump]

Augusnippets Day 15: Starvation

cw: drugging, substance dependency, starvation, emeto, sorta dehumanization, dissociation, nonsexual nudity, vague deathwish

previous // next

for the @augusnippets challenge // word count: 537

=~=~=

He can no longer sit up on his own.

Too weak. In the sparse moments where he's coherent enough to think, the spy knows they're tapering off his rations. Hunger crawls up from his stomach like a swarm of ants, leeching what little strength remains.

He It is always trapped in a haze, but the haze is no longer big enough. It aches all day, unable to even sleep until someone brings another water bottle. Pain consumes its leg, hunger shivers in its bones. When guards pass by, it begs them for water, not food, wanting only to numb it all.

Sometimes they comply, but it's rarely enough. Are they taking away its relief too? Or has it built a tolerance to the drug?

(the thought terrifies the spy when he can comprehend it; the thought of never returning to himself)

It can hardly move. It doesn't want to move. When the stubborn thing inside tries to lift its head, there is only dizziness, more pain, a fleeting fear that this may be the end.

The creature wants none of that. No thoughts, no senses, only the drug that allows it to sleep.

They bring it water and it drinks and nothing happens. No fog, no sudden emptiness. It whimpers into the concrete for hours or days.

The bring it water and it drinks.

(no food)

It can't stop shivering, nausea twisting its empty stomach.

(why can't you do something why can't you move why couldn't you have held fast)

They don't bring it water.

Two guards, it can see them through hazy vision. Its eyes hurt, its head aches.

(this is different)

They grab its arms, dragging it out of the cell, bad leg howling, utter agony, creature howling with it, voice weak

(pathetic, could've ran, could've done something)

the movement and pain and nausea and dizziness are all too much after it's been allowed to feel nothing for so long and it heaves up nothing, bile on its tongue, tears in its eyes. They drag it somewhere and it hurts it hurts it hurts.

(could've turned it down)

would've died

(would've been better)

They have to hold it up, hands around and under its arms. Someone else is talking at it, but it doesn't matter. It hurts and it's cold, colder than the cell was.

(when did they take his clothes?)

It tries to vomit again, left with a sour string of spit clinging to its chin. Over, it just wants it to be over, just wants it to—

Its head jerks up so quickly it sees spots when it hears the snap of a bottle opening. The new person is holding it out

(smirking)

It tries to reach for the bottle, can't shake itself free of the hands, trapped. It can't make sense of the stream of words pouring from its mouth, but it can't stop them either.

pleasepleasepleaesithurtspleaseithurts

(you were supposed to be better than this you were supposed to endure–)

The man laughs.

“Damn. Guess you really can do a number on a guy without lifting a finger.” He screws the cap back on, ignoring the creature's despairing whine.

“Put him back for now. I think he's almost ready for some questions.”

[theborzoiarebackintown]

Look who’s back to wreak havoc on my household!!! She’s been with her siblings for the past month or so while Rebecca and I were traipsing around the country for dog shows, but she’s home again at last 🥰

[squidling2005]

nobody understands how much i love yubashiri, not even me sometimes. it's my favorite sword in all of one piece, and it's never talked about

i know that moment in loguetown was focused on kitetsu because it was an important moment for zoro and really showed how much he believes in fate and luck, but that scene reminds me that yubashiri has so much weight to it, i think.

yubashiri was a family heirloom, and when zoro leaves the shop, tashigi asks the shopkeeper why he gave away such an important treasure, and he says "what's wrong with a man entrusting another man with his dreams?"

whether zoro knows it or not, yubashiri holds a promise and a dream similar to wado, but not as heavy or personal. we don't know what the shopkeepers dream was, but he knew he wouldn't be able to reach it and instead gave it to zoro in the form of yubashiri.

i know this isn't that important in the long run, and we don't really know anything about the shopkeeper, but zoro has this theme with promises and carrying the weight of others dreams with him. he strives to be the best and will do anything to reach the top, but he'll also do the same for people he loves and respects.

even if he doesn't know or care what yubashiri means to the shopkeeper, yubashiris history seems to fit well with zoro, and i think that's what's important. it continues this theme of dreams and promises and trust, things that are vital for zoros character. they compliment each other

and then it died in two seconds because of some random guy that we've never heard of and we'll never see again 😭😭😭

i'm really happy zoro laid it to rest in thriller bark, but the way yubashiri died made it feel unimportant and tossed aside and i'm really upset about it

[swimming-karyss]

I've never really noticed that, but Sabo and Dragon's relationship with the theme of parent-child- (or more like blood-) connection are the two sides of the same coin!

Because both Sabo's parents and Dragon seem to believe that the bond between a parent and their child is unbreakable, but while Dragon's belief stems from love, for Sabo's parents it's a twisted desire to control. As we see Dragon love Luffy and continue to look out for him despite not contacting him for most of his life, and Sabo's parents trying to get him back despite thinking he's been dead for 5 years he's got a thing for it huh, and even after 12 years we see Stelly refer to Sabo as 'big brother', which most likely reflects their parents' position that hadn't changed.

But you'd say that holding onto relationships for an extended period of time is just a family thing, since Sabo too reached out to Luffy after 12 years of absence. But the thing is, the big part of their brotherhood oath is that it's meant to last despite time and circumstances.

(and look at these "..." what is going on in that noggin' of his...)

And I think it's really interesting that Sabo was unsure of his bond with Luffy, while having strong emotional connection, but no blood ties, and Dragon is sure of his bond with Luffy, while having blood ties, but no emotional connection!

And I wonder, what are Sabo's thoughts on that. I mean, he's most likely just fine with it, he does ramble to Dragon about Luffy after all… but I wonder if he ever felt even the slightest uneasiness, when he's inevitably reminded of his parents' views on the ties to children… …

ohhhh and Dragon keeps in touch with Garp… despite being on the opposite sides… can't even say that he cut ties to his parents because he didn't. And here's Sabo who'd rather pretend that he never had parents to begin with…

but lmao, my view on such things may be slightly twisted, so what do I know...

[kneworder]

“You know, Damian’s half convinced you let it happen.”  Tim scoffs. “Sounds like him.”  “Not like that. He’s different now, he wouldn’t say that.”  “What the hell else am I supposed to think?”  “You confronted Azrael alone, in civvies, after he’d already beaten you up once just for getting in his way. Is it that much of a stretch for Damian to think you might have had a death wish?”  “I didn’t have a death wish.” Steph gives him a long look. "Sure."

missed posting my annual november reverse robins timsteph angst so to make up for it here's an even angstier than usual painting from this AU <3 more coming soon hopefully!!

[krotiation]

What ship I post the most and what I think should be canon vary so much. Like I mostly post rhack, rhysothy and rhysagawa but if I had to pick one character rhys has interacted with and should canonically get together with (not counting sasha or fiona) it would be zane

[lotus-pear]

i think you guys are onto smth..

i unironically got invested in this HELP

[theswedishpajas]

The man truly can’t take a genuine compliment 🙄

[applestorms]

i don’t think people give ciel nearly enough credit when it comes to his emotional intelligence/how self-aware he is.

like, yeah— ciel is a brat, he’s a stuck up little privileged rich kid, he’s pampered and spoiled and struggles massively when he’s forced to live without the luxuries he’s always grown up with. but he also recognizes that, in a way that is actually quite mature for someone of his age and class. he’s cynical, he’s pessimistic, he has incredible little (if any) respect or hope for humanity left— but this is something he applies to himself and the others at his same social standing just as much as anyone else, if not more. he clearly connects and empathizes with finny (and honestly all of his servants) because he sees himself within him, trusting him like a (his) brother during the emerald witch arc. he understands where joker is coming from with regards to his desperation to take care of his family and doesn’t pass judgement on him, to the point of even planning to take care of the very family he thought he’d left behind after joker dies. he even seems to have some degree of genuine respect for lizzie, assuaging her insecurities by trying to see her for who she is and not who she wants to be or feels like she must be.

honestly, i think that in most of the cases where ciel is being a full on Brat™ it all goes back to one thing— ciel trying to asset his Power, and take back control over the situation.

ciel is a character who is very very very easily underestimated at first glance by most people who have just met him, and even a few people who know him longer than that. he’s literally a sickly victorian child with asthma and CPTSD-motivated panic attacks, the kid is frail as fuck, not to mention— a kid. the fact that ciel might have something of an inferiority complex is obvious enough even if you don’t bring the whole lesser-twin thing into it, his minute stature is something literally every fucking character brings up upon first meeting him.

sometimes, ciel can use this to his advantage, so he does. he puts on the cute little boy face and flutters his eyelashes and uses other peoples’ empathy against them to achieve his own goals (see: arthur, and also like the entire public school arc, etc.).

most of the time though, ciel doesn’t really want to do this, not only because it’s somewhat demeaning but also because he Does have a reputation to uphold. ciel needs to constantly be both on guard and on the attack for his job as the queen’s watchdog, he is basically obligated to constantly stand as the biggest threat in the underworld. much of ciel’s Brat behavior to other people comes down to this— him asserting his status, not really out of any pride for the title, but because he is a Threat and other people need to fucking know it. sometimes, this means shoving his (and sebastian’s) power in their face until they get the fucking picture and/or die trying to understand it, particularly in the case of more asshole-ish characters like all the random evil businessmen with criminal agendas that ciel puts through the evil haunted demon house schtick. other times, this manifests more in the form of a kind of genuine empathy— you Should get the fuck away if you actually care about the things you claim to care about cuz i will not hold back, etc.

speaking of— in the case of sebastian specifically, the fact that this is ciel’s desire to take back agency becomes even more clear.

sebastian and ciel’s dynamic is one of, if not the most compelling aspects of this series to me, in large part because of how goddamn codependent they are while simultaneously being inherently at odds with one another. this series Will end with sebastian eating ciel’s goddamned soul— i honestly think that even if the rest of the cast eventually becomes more aware of the specifics of sebastian’s demonic nature or their contract, ciel himself will stop them from trying to save him or break the deal somehow, and sebastian himself certainly doesn’t have nearly enough of an attachment to humanity as a whole to bother actually stopping himself from chowing down, even if he may regret it somewhat more than he expected afterwards. yet at the same time, right up until we reach that exact point, they have every reason to need and want to collaborate with each other— something that they do, even if it is with full knowledge of the exact sword hanging over their heads the entire time that they’re playing nice.

i really love the analysis from this post, which points out the fact that all of the three core rules ciel establishes for their contract are perfectly designed to turn sebastian into someone that ciel can trust. highly recommend reading that essay, but to elaborate a bit more in my own words— ciel knows that sebastian is going to eat him one day. he is incredibly physically fragile and aware of this, perhaps even aware of the ways in which he has been made mentally weak due to his traumas, and especially of the fact that he is vulnerable specifically in comparison to sebastian. every single time that sebastian saves ciel, it is another reminder that This is who ciel is going to die to. he is chained to this starving, rabid monster just as much as the monster is chained to him, and one day, those roles are going to flip. he’s not going to be in power forever, and he knows it.

therefore: when ciel is a Brat™ at sebastian specifically, i read this less as ciel actually being unaware/childish/stupid/etc., and more as ciel tugging on the proverbial chain to make sure he is still the one pulling the strings. ciel has a habit of emphasizing the fact that he is Ordering sebastian when he is in a stressful situation or panicking for any given reason, focusing on the language that he Knows sebastian will respond to. and it’s a trauma response. IT’S A TRAUMA RESPONSE!!

what i think ciel Hates, above all else, maybe even more than he cares to consciously admit, is not having power. he can’t stand to not be the one in full control of a situation. he can’t stand having his agency taken from him, not after Everything that he’s been through.

if there’s one thing that watching his entire family be killed while also being viciously abused by a cult taught (not) ciel, it is the feeling of having No power. he was helpless to stop his parents’ murders, he was helpless to stop the cult from violating and abusing him, he was helpless to stop his own brother’s death. ciel connects more easily and often more deeply on an emotional level with the lower class characters in the story because he knows what it feels like to be completely powerless in the face of the absolute worst of humanity. thus, when ciel acts like a Brat, when he asserts his title as an Earl, someone Respectable, or as The Queen’s Watchdog, someone Threatening, when he demands that everyone bend over backwards to serve his will— it is ciel taking back all the power that he can and gripping it as tightly as he possibly fucking can, because he knows what can and will happen if/when he lets it all go.

and there is no character for which this is more true than sebastian. one of the most powerful entities in the series, easily the one closest to ciel, who he depends on so incredibly— but who is also Destined and Required to bring his end once all this is over. ciel kicks sebastian around, treats him like shit and shows him rare moments of kindness and care, all for the affirmation that He is still in control. absolutely nobody can ever meaningfully hurt ciel again, so long as sebastian is there— and sebastian won’t hurt him either. not yet. but, instinctively, he needs to keep testing that bond. just in case. just to be sure.

honestly, i think that’s where the real tragedy of the series comes from— ciel never really grows, never really changes, because he Can’t. he guaranteed that for himself. at his absolute lowest point, ciel lost all faith in humanity and god and Himself. he lost his childhood naïveté, and the ability to believe in goodness in any form. ciel knows that one day, he’s going to be hurt again, that someone is going to snatch him up and chew him alive— all he wants now is the control to dictate for himself when that inevitable end will happen.

[sualne]

(WIP) i decided to redraw this old favorite of mine from 2021 and damn

[strandedcrow]

I just looked through your “my art” tag and I love your artstyle! Are you ever planning on drawing Dream again?

(c!dream, obviously)

no lol

[chibishortdeath]

Disgusting creature (begins sobbing)