#at least as it stands currently i think he’s actually decent. not 100% perfect and im not a huge fan of everything kamala advocates for

[squishymochithethird]

My mom was going on and on about how “far left” and “radical” Tim Walz is and I finally listened to some of his points and.

He’s one of the most reasonable politicians I’ve heard in a very long time. I’m surprised she doesn’t like him tbh, he’s kind of the perfect democrat for someone like her??

[hamliet]

The Girl Who Gets to Have It All: Buffy Summers

So with @linkspooky​‘s encouragement, I have binged Buffy the Vampire Slayer and relived my childhood culture. And, it's a 10/10 for me. Not that it doesn't have flaws, but it's genuinely one of the best stories I've seen, with consistent character arcs, powerful themes, and a beautiful message. It's also like... purportedly about vampires and demons and superpowered chosen ones, but it's actually all about humanity.

Buffy was able to be a teenage girl, allowed to like the things teen girls are scorned for (boys, shopping, etc), to be insecure about the thing teenage girls are insecure about (future careers, dating, school, parents), and to be a superhero with its good and its bad aspects. The story wasn’t afraid to call Buffy on her flaws (sometimes she got in a very ‘I am the righteous chosen one’ mode) and to respect and honor each of her desires (to be a good person, to be loved, and more). The story listened to what she wanted and respected her desires, giving her the challenges needed to overcome her flaws while also never teaching her a lesson about wanting bad boys or romance is silly or any manner of dark warnings stories like to throw at teenage girls. 

It respected teenage girls--nerdy girls like Willow, jocks like Buffy, lonely wallflowers with trauma like Dawn, and popular/snobby ones like Cordelia, girls gone wild like Faith. It never once reduced them to the stereotypes that were lurking right there: each character was fully rounded, human, flawed and yet with respected interests and goals. This is so rare for a story that I’m still in awe. 

The story as a whole follows Buffy from 15 to 21, of her as she grows from teenager to adult. She acts like a teenager and grows to act like a young adult, wrestling with loneliness and duty. The adults, like Giles, Joyce, and Jenny, are not perfect either, but neither are they “bad parents” or “bad mentors” necessarily. Joyce in particular says something terrible to Buffy, but she tries to do better, and it’s rare to see a parent in YA stories shown with such nuance. Basically, it wrote the long-lasting adult characters as human beings, too. 

Speaking of growing up, I appreciated how Buffy’s love interests mirrored this. Angel was someone Buffy loved and admired, wanted to be like, but who was always either extreme good or extreme bad, and combined with Buffy’s own tendencies towards black-white thinking, made for a beautiful relationship to help her grow, but didn’t necessarily form a foundation for a long-term partner. Spike, on the other hand... they both saw each other at their worst and were drawn to each other even then, and were inspired to become better because they couldn’t bear to be a person who treated the other person so wrongly. They pushed each other to become the best them they could be, and believed in each other. Also, Spuffy is an enemies to lovers ship for the ages. 

(Also, most of the other ships were well-done or at least can be understood. Riley was very obviously wrong for Buffy which paralleled Harmony and Spike in being 100% wrong for each other. Cordelia and Xander were a fun ship even if we all knew it would never last, and Willow and Oz were beautiful and cute. But Xander and Anya and Willow and Tara? OTPs. As were Giles and Jenny, the librarian and the computer teacher.) 

That said, it’s not a perfect series. No story is. All of the characters and ships had problematic aspects to them worthy of critique, and the writing is very 90s in a lot of ways. It’s a product of its time, and in many ways it’s good society has progressed beyond some of the tropes/metaphors used in the show. In other way, though, the show was ahead of its time, and in a good way it wasn’t bound by the fear of purity policing with its takes on redemption (many characters would never fly today). 

So, in order of seasons ranked from my very favorite to my “still enjoyed it very much” (no season was actually bad, imo), here’s my review. I’ll also review my top 10 villains in the show, because Buffy does villains very well in terms of the redeemable and irredeemable.  

Season 7:  Yep, the final season was my favorite. 

Overall Opinion: Buffy's finale is literally "f*ck them men, our power is ours" and while it seems cheesy it actually works (also, f*ck in both a literal and figurative sense). The series strongly hit all the themes: love as strength, and redemption. Buffy consistently shows love as her strength--*all* kinds of love. Friendship w Willow/Xander, familial with Joyce/Dawn, romantic with Spike/Angel. These types of love are also never pitted against each other as is so often the case in current-day media. It's beautiful. Also, Spike’s confrontation with Wood was so powerful in terms of exploring forgiveness, redemption, and reconciliation: where they overlap and where they don't, and what it means to move forward. 

Unpopular Opinion: I have seen a lot didn’t like the inclusion of Potential Slayers, and while I agree they could have been better incorporated/characterized, it was a great way to show Buffy’s final stage of growing up to be ending her chosen one status and projecting/multiplying her powers over the world. 

Biggest Critique: Kennedy was female Riley--the anti-Tara to Riley’s anti-Angel (by ‘anti’ I mean opposite in every way). Kennedy was annoying and immature. Her role, like Riley’s, was less about exploring her as a character and more about her just being stamped as “love interest: lesbian.” 

Favorite Episodes: Beneath You, Lies My Parents Told Me, Touched, Chosen

Season 6: 

Overall Opinion: I said this on Twitter, but I felt like this was Buffy’s The Last Jedi or Empire Strikes Back moment. It is polarizing and dark, deconstructing the tropes it stands on--but by digging to the core of these tropes, it actually makes what’s good about them shine brighter. Everyone’s enemy was the worst versions of themselves. Giles left Buffy, Willow's struggle to relate to the world led to her trying to destroy it, Buffy hurt everyone through her anger, Xander abandoned Anya at the altar, Spike... yeah. It ages well as an integral part of the story, and the Trio were eerily prophetic. 

Unpopular Opinion: Dawn is a great character with a good arc. A traumatized teen acting out and struggling to come to terms with loss and identity? She wasn’t whiny; she was realistic. 

Biggest Critique: Willow’s addiction coding (I’ll discuss this below) and Seeing Red as an episode. I see the argument for both of its controversial scenes from a narrative perspective: Willow starts the season not grieving Buffy but instead being determined to fix it with magic and needs to learn to grieve, but. Still. Bury your gays is not a good look. For the Spike scene... he conflates sex/passion and violence (”love is blood, children” is something he said way back in season 3), but like Tara’s death, it had more to do with Spike (as Tara’s death did for Willow) than with Buffy’s arc, and as for the actual execution... they really botched that. Did it like... have to go on that long or go that far? No. Also, the framing was good, but inconsistent with the rest of the series (Xander to Buffy in the hyena episode, Faith to Xander and to Riley, etc.) 

Favorite Episodes: Once More With Feeling, Smashed, Grave

Season 3 (tied with Season 5):

Overall Opinion: The opening continuity of Buffy meeting Lily/Anne after saving her life in Season 2 was sweet. The Witchhunt episode had really powerful subtext: stories of deaths that aren’t even true are actually demons that possess the town and convince them to turn against their children in the name of protecting the children. It’s a good commentary on, oh, everything in society. Faith’s character arc was fantastic, and her chemistry with Buffy was off the charts (look, I may be Spuffy all the way, but Fuffy has rights). The finale was satisfying in so many ways, seeing the entire graduating class unite to destroy the Mayor and the school with it, symbolizing Buffy et al’s readiness to move on to college. Oz's relationship with Willow was very sweet and meaningful for a first romance for Willow. 

Unpopular Opinion: I actually don’t really have one. Maybe that the miracle in Amends was earned? I think you can make a decent case that Season 3 is the best written of the seasons, but can only truly be thematically appreciated to its full potential in the light of subsequent seasons (which finish Faith’s arc and deconstruct Buffy’s).  

Biggest Critique: It forgot Buffy killed the hyena guy in Season 1, making her continual insistence that she can’t kill people very ????? 

Favorite Episodes: Lovers Walk, Amends, Graduation Day Part 2 

Season 5, which ties with Season 3:

Overall Opinion: The entire season is about family and what it means, from Tara’s to Buffy’s to the Scoobies. I loved Glory aka Enoshima Junko as the Big Bad, I loved Dawn’s interesting meta commentary on retconning (like, the fact that she’s retconned in matters), and most of my ships are still alive. Joyce’s relationship with Spike is one of the most heartwarming aspects, and Spike’s arc’s desire is clearly highlighted: he wants to be seen as a person. The episodes after Joyce’s death are the most honest portrayals of grief I’ve ever seen, and absolutely brutal to watch. 

Unpopular Opinion: Buffy’s choice at the end seems a deliberate inversion of her choice at the end of Season 2 (sacrifice a loved one to save the world), but it actually isn’t: much like at the end of Season 2 where Buffy skips town because she’s devastated after killing Angel and doesn’t want to sort out being expelled, her mom knowing she’s the slayer, and her own trauma, Buffy’s sacrifice here was as much about her wanting the easy way out of relationships, family, college, etc. as it was about saving Dawn. Buffy’s death is coded as a suicide, which Season 6 emphasizes as well. 

Biggest Critique: Like Season 3, I don’t have a lot to critique here. I wish the suicidal coding had been a little more obvious in Season 5 itself, but also I’m not sure it could have been more obvious; it’s pretty apparent if you pay attention. Maybe also that Buffy and Riley’s relationship failing should have been more squarely blamed on Riley, you know, being insecure and cheating. 

Favorite Episodes: Family, Fool for Love, Intervention. 

Season 2:

Overall Opinion: Heartbreakingly tragic but exciting and revealing at the same time. It asked the viewer interesting questions about redemption and forgiveness and atonement through Angel being honest about his past, and then decided to show us his past now reenacted, challenging us. And still, we saw them save him in a parallel to saving Willow in Season 6 (but Season 2 was tragic because it wasn’t enough, while Season 6 was not). Jenny’s death was agonizing, and the scene were Angel watches Buffy, Willow, and Joyce get the news through the window was powerful. We didn’t have to hear them to get the grief. 

Unpopular Opinion: Jenny’s death isn’t a fridging; it works for her arc too when you consider her history. She worked to save the person whose life she was tasked to ruin, and it cost her her own--yet she still succeeded, because Jenny brought joy and wisdom to the show. Kendra’s death, on the other hand... was because they needed the stakes to be high--but we already knew that before she died. So, her death was useless. 

Biggest Critique: The subtext was Not It. It was essentially “do not have sex. Your older boyfriend will lose his soul, kill your friends, you’ll lose your family, your school, your home, and have to kill your true love or else hell will literally swallow earth.” 

Favorite Episodes: School Hard, Passion, Becoming Part 2.

Season 1:

Overall Opinion: I really liked it; it’s just lower on this list because the others are just better. It’s a great introduction to the series and to its characters, from Giles to Buffy to Willow to Jenny to Cordelia. It has great subtext a lot of the time (for example, Natalie French as She-Mantis is a literal predatory bug who engages in predatory behavior with students). Additionally, it subverts the typical YA trope of two guys and a girl, in which the girl is usually the least interesting character. Buffy and Willow were both fully fledged characters from the beginning with distinct strengths (even before Willow became a witch, as she wasn’t one in season 1 yet), while Xander was the more ordinary of the group. 

Unpopular Opinion/Biggest Critique: Xander’s arc showed its first flaws that unfortunately continued throughout the series: his writing was either very good or very indulgent in ways it never was for other characters.  (cough, the hyena episode, cough, in which he gets to skirt responsibility--and acknowledges that he is skirting it--for something the show will later hold others to account for). Xander’s just kind of inconsistent, which weakened his character over all. (Which is why both his love interests--Cordelia and then ultimately Anya--were good for him: they did not indulge him.) 

Favorite Episode: Witch, Nightmares. 

Season 4:

Overall Opinion: it’s still a good season. It’s a good portrayal of college and the growing pains of branching out, the strains of college growth on relationships (romantic and platonic). It shows us the first hints of Spuffy, giving us some serious Jungian symbolism between Spike and Buffy early on, and does well in establishing Xander/Anya and Willow/Tara as beautiful OTPs. Faith and Buffy’s foiling is fantastic. The Halloween episode was very fun as well. However, it suffers because its Big Bad, Adam, is not all that compelling thematically--yet, he could have been. See, the final battle pulls off the Power of Friendship in a really strong way but notably the season does not end there. Instead, it ends on dreams of each character’s worst fears, continuing what we saw in Nightmares in Season 1. Why? Because it shows us that the characters’ wars aren’t against monsters, but monsters of their own making: their flaws. Adam, as a literal Frankenstein, exemplifies this, but it wasn’t capitalized on as well as it could have been. 

Unpopular Opinion: Beer Bad isn’t a bad episode, at the very least because Buffy gets to punch Parker. It’s not one of the series’ best, obviously, but it does give Buffy an arc in that she gets her daydream of Parker begging her to come back, but she has overcome that desire and her desire for revenge. If we wanna talk about bad subtext in Season 4, Season 2′s Not It sex subtext continues in the Where the Wild Things Are episode in this season; it’s a powerful callout of abusive purity-culture churches, until the fact that the shame creates a literal curse undermines the progressive message it’s supposed to send. Also, the Thanksgiving episode (Pangs) is a nightmare of white guilt and Oh God Shut Up White People. 

Biggest Critique: Riley is awful. Like Kennedy, he had “love interest:normal” stamped on him and that was it. The thing is, he could have worked as an Angel foil, representative of the normal-life aspect of Buffy to Angel’s vampire/supernatural aspect, but the writers never explore this and seemed to even try to back away from that later on. They threw all the romantic cliches at the wall to see what sticks, from klutzy “I dropped my schoolbooks, that’s how we met” to cliché lines that had me rolling my eyes. Do you know how bad a romance has to be to make me dislike romantic tropes? 

Favorite Episodes: Fear Itself, Hush, Restless

Villain rankings: 

Dark Willow, the only villain to be truly sympathetic. While the addiction coding was insensitive and, while unsurprising for its time, aged extremely poorly. That said, Willow’s turn to the dark side after Tara’s death worked well for her character and the story: it was believable and paid off what had been building since Season 1's “Nightmares” episode (Willow’s inferiority complex). 

Glory managed to be genuinely terrifying, and humorous/enjoyable too. Her minions and their numerous nicknames for Glorificus were hilarious, as was her intense vanity. Her merging with Ben--a human being who genuinely wanted to be kind and good--added complexity and tragedy to her role. 

The First. A really good take on Satan. The seventh season as well as the First’s first appearance in season 3′s “Amends” had kind of blatant Christian symbolism, and so the First being essentially Satan works. Their disguising themselves as dead loved ones and the subtle manipulation they used to alienate people was really disturbing and well done. 

The Mayor, who was a terrible person but a truly good father. He provided an interesting contrast to the normal ‘bad dad’ bad guy character, in that he provided Faith exactly what the other characters refused to: he saw the best in her and offered her parental support, while the heroes didn’t and wound up pushing her away. 

The Trio, who were villains ahead of their time: whiny fanboy reddit dudebros, basically. The stakes seemed so much lower than fighting Glory, a literal god, the previous season. But that’s why they worked so well for Season 6′s human themes, and were especially disturbing because we all know people like them. I also appreciated the surprisingly sensitive takes on Jonathan and Andrew, who got to redeem themselves, but Warren did not, and I don’t think he should have either. 

Angelus + Drusilla. I’m ranking them below the Trio because Angelus was just sooooo different from Angel that it was difficult for me to feel the same way for him. He was still Angel, so it wasn’t possible to enjoy his villainy, but he also wasn’t nearly as sympathetic as Dark Willow, had no redeeming qualities like the Mayor, and wasn’t as disturbingly realistic as the Trio. However, the emotional stakes were excellently executed with him as the Big Bad, in that you were never quite sure how to feel and it just plain hurt. Also, Drusilla was a favorite recurring character. She was sympathetic and yet batsh*t enough to be enjoyable as a villain at the same time. 

The Master, who was just completely camp and really worked as an introductory villain. He was scary enough to believe he was a threat, and was funny enough to introduce the series’ humor as well. He was, like Glory, an enjoyable Big Bad. 

The Gentlemen, the one-off villains of Season 4′s Hush who were genuinely terrifying. It’s not as if they got a lot of explanation or any backstory, but they didn’t need it. 

Caleb, the misogynist priest. Fitting with the First’s Christian symbolism, Caleb serving as a spokesperson of all bad religious beliefs felt appropriate. He was also a good foil to Warren--being actually supernaturally powered instead of a wannabe--and to Tara’s family in being full-out evil. I despised him. 

Snyder. Okay Snyder is not a Big Bad like Adam is, but let’s face it: Adam is lame compared to the other villains. But Snyder as a principal? He was so irritating and yet really well used in the series to critique overly strict, hypocritical teachers. Like, we all know teachers like him. I loved to hate him, and his ending was so satisfying. 

[abcd-adventures]

What do you wish more people knew? What dreams/goals do you have for your kids? What are your favorite memories from when you were in school? Why do those memories stand out to you? Do you remember any of your teachers or professors from when you were younger? What are your hidden talents? Is your relationship with both of your sons the same or different? How have you changed as a parent since you were a parent the first time? What are your favorite quotes related to being a parent or wife? Why?

First of all, Kind Anon(s), can I just say how awesome it is that you are taking time out of your day to make me feel special and interesting in a time in the world when everyone is feeling (at least) a little bit more anxious, stressed, and isolated. I hope that your kindness revisits you in the best possible way! <3

That’s a hard one. But, I think the biggest thing I wish more people knew--and/or took the time to remember--is that we’re all struggling and that nothing is completely black and white as much as it might look like it on the surface. Sometimes, life; situations; people can be SO INFURIATING (especially these days), but for me I try to think about them as if they were the characters I loathed at the beginning of the series Orange is the New Black. Say what you want about that show, but it was AWESOME at giving you the backstory of some of the characters you thought you absolutely HATED and making you come to understand them and care about them. And, all people have a backstory. But, unlike TV, in the real world you will rarely (if ever) learn that backstory; all the more reason to show compassion and just know that there is one. 

I just want my kids to be happy, confident, and comfortable with who they are as individuals and I want them to be kind, supportive, and uplifting of others. I just want them to be good people--bottom line. I want them to value the little things like they’re the big things. I want them to take the time to reflect--no matter how crazy life gets. I want them to always be growing and never stagnate or refuse to believe that life can teach them something or that their minds can be changed. I want them to listen, and I want them to be confident enough in their own minds that they aren’t threatened by the beliefs or opinions of others. I want them to be healthy, fulfilled, and open. You know, the usual! :)

My favorite memories from when I was in school weren’t from school itself. I do feel like I got a pretty decent education--whitewashing of history aside--but the best moments were skipping school with my now husband or other friends and going on adventures--hiking, fishing, driving out to Austin and talking for hours. We bared our souls to each other back then. It was such a time of learning how to connect with other people that I wouldn’t give up! I had plenty of issues back then, but caring for others was never one of them.

I had some decent teachers throughout the years in grade school--I remember all of my elementary teachers, none of my middle school teachers, and many of my (some great) high school teachers, but there was one professor in undergrad who became the most influential person in my life. I still am in touch with her and we share book recommendations and she would be the very first person I would contact if I have any kind of career dilemma in the future. She’s retirement age now, past it actually, but she loves being a professor. I will be CRUSHED when I no longer have her in my life and I really don’t feel that way about almost anyone.

Hahahaha! I actually have no “talents” so far as special abilities. Seriously none. It’s laughable, really! 

I think a parent’s relationship with all of their children is different to a degree because every individual is different. Already, at only 15 months, I see many differences in B than C at the same age. I work very hard to make my children feel equally loved, but I don’t think that the relationship can be exactly the same. 

I have struggled with this, to be honest. I am so much better prepared to be a parent this time around. I’ve had sixteen years of experience. I’m in a healthy, happy marriage with a partner who is a present and supportive parent. I’m worlds more comfortable and confident with myself. I can stay home without stressing about money. It’s an entirely different scenario in practically every way. However, my support system with C was much more present and involved at that time. Both of my parents, my brother, friends, my current husband (even though he wasn’t living with us until later)--so many people were involved in raising C. So, maybe I wasn’t as prepared as a parent then, but he really had a “village,” as they say, and I don’t think he suffered one bit for my lack of experience. :) 

Hmmm. I shared in one of my recent posts one of my favorite marriage quotes. The other one I don’t remember offhand, but it’s something about marriage not being 50/50 all of the time--sometimes it’s 30/70, sometimes it’s 100/0--but it’s about flexibility and working through tough times and having the faith in each other that you have each other’s backs--something like that! As far as parenting, I don’t know, but my personal ones are: a little bit of selfishness is a GOOD thing; let your kids see you argue (in a healthy way), show love, and be in a relationship--model what’s healthy; and forget striving for perfection--I aim for being the world’s ok-est mom! My kids are alive. They know I love them. They’re decent human beings--the rest? *shrug* I’m doing the best I can! ;)   

[barcelona-sergei]

Haru Katō: Clandestine

Warning: slight nsfw (intense kissing oop), a bit of swearing. 

Chapter 1 

Word count: 3.3k

Haru’s silent steps brought him over to the hallways. He’s used to these solo missions of his, risking his own life for the sake of justice. His system was clear and his senses heightened, the thumping of his heart in a steady pace and it didn’t block his hearing. Which are all good and needed for his current situation. 

He turned his head to look over his shoulder, clear of any pursuer on his ass. He thought he was the only man in the party who had business intruding the many doors for good deeds but was shocked wrong when he felt someone bump their face to his shoulder: hard. The man whipped his head forward, the action causing whiplash, making Haru unable to form coherent thoughts. No one else should be here. Panic started to seep in his system. 

The fallen body rubbed her nose and tried to pull herself together, her mask leaving her face. The startle caused her to let go of the most precious small piece of technology from her hand. The woman’s eyes darted in every direction to hunt for the small block that contains vital information. Zeroing in her piercing gaze on the USB, she immediately swiped the black slab and tucked it away into her brassiere for safe-keeping. 

Haru opened his mouth to ask if the person was alright from the impact, but his mouth remained hung. His body froze as awe locked his body in place. The woman realized she needed to make the person she bumped into forget about her. She finally cast her gaze upon him, now equally as shocked and stunted as the detective. 

Haru? 

[Y/N]? 

Surprise would have undermined the whole event. The two old friends continued to gawk at the other, unable to process the information shoved to their eyes. 4 whole years have passed between the couple since they had last been in proper contact. To each other’s eyes, the other seemed older and matured since their mid-twenties. Haru’s physique has been blessed throughout the years: taller, broadened shoulders, seems to be toned underneath the suit he wore. Even though a white mask shielded half of his face, his golden eyes were decorated with bags underneath, yet the sheen in them never ceased to lighten up. Still mesmerising. 

As for [Y/N], her beauty remained from their younger days, though now it followed suit with her age. Bone structure prominent, her curvaceous body now paired with tone from her years of training, the suede dress accentuating her ample chest and wide hips. The man is trying to be decent from rudely examining her body, but that damn dress was too tempting. Haru locked eyes with her, nostalgia washing over his mind. He forgot how you can easily be lost in the depthness of [E/C] irises, now sharper and intense. 

Even though the world stilled in their perspective, in reality time still marched on. Voices are heard from the grand hall coming their way. An all too familiar voice rang through [Y/N]’s brain, snapping her out of her daze. The agent moved with determination, grabbing onto Haru’s wrist and pulled his weight to stand up, then dashing into a luckily unlocked door. The woman made her way to the end of the wall, firmly pressing herself against Haru, in order to hide themselves from a man she feared would find her again. 

The detective’s face burned a bright red, able to feel [Y/N]’s figure through her thin dress, taking every bit of willpower from looking down the black article of clothing.

“What in the hell are you doing here, [Y/N]?” Haru finally broke the silence with the strength he could muster. His mind raced over 100 kilometers per hour, coming up with every excuse to why an old friend of his would be in an evil lair brimmed with sex and drugs. 

“That’s my line to ask, Haru-chan,” The agent snapped back, piercing eyes back on his golden ones, her grip on his arms subconsciously tightening, anger and confusion streaming in her blood. He shouldn’t be here. [Y/N] tried to come up with a plausible reason to Haru’s question without blowing her operation entirely. But alas, she couldn’t lie to the man before her and it would be too suspicious if she didn’t tell the truth. 

She sighed, “I’m currently undercover. You’re crashing a confidential operation by the plaza.” Even if Haru was a good cop and works under the law, she couldn’t risk months of hard work and potentially his life. If one wrong word comes out, Haru might be in danger.

In fear of speaking too loud and being busted, she whispered to Haru’s ear, her breath fanning against his neck and he could feel her all too well with his adrenaline-filled senses. The agent is too close to him, alarmingly close, too close for both of their goods. 

[Y/N]’s breath hitched, hearing the man’s dreaded voice from the other side of the wall. The son of the kingpin her squad had been trying to dethrone, Kodama Yashiro, had followed her trail and was now playing hide and seek, seeking the agent. If she could hear his voice, even if it was muffled, this means the son was closing into the room she shoved Haru in with her. Commands from the briefing screamed at her: she cannot be associated with the son no matter the circumstance. Or else her identity would be exposed, pulling her out of the operation and ultimately from her job. 

There was no use in a revealed undercover agent in the force. The only light in this grave problem were the masks the patrons were required to wear, at least making it difficult for Yashiro to track her down outside of the party. 

The doorknob jiggled, immediately sending sirens through both the detective and agent.

“Do you trust me?” The woman asked with pleading eyes to the man before her, just following the first plan that popped into her head. Haru didn’t question the strong bond between them and nodded, his anxiety levels skyrocketing through the roof. His flustered state only grew worse as [Y/N] ripped his suit jacket off his torso and shirt open, trying her best to make Haru look disheveled. 

Grabbing a hold of his hair with her right hand, her left on his cheek, the woman placed her red lips on his cheek at first. Then the other side. Lips trailed along his sharp jawline and then lower, and lower to his neck. The man’s breathing hitched and was unable to put the pieces together in [Y/N]’s plan, his mind fogged from the dire case they’re in and his thoughts focusing on how her open-mouthed kisses felt good on his skin. 

The agent left his coloured neck, opting to place red markings on Haru’s collarbones and chest. The grip in her right hand ruffled his taupe hair, making an unruly mess that indicates a frisky affair was about to go down. She removed her lips from Haru’s skin, giving short relief to the man. [Y/N] stared at her work, making sure the colour red stained his skin. Haru managed to understand the woman’s intentions from her scandalous onslaught, thanking whatever deity that’s watching them that the room is dim enough; or else he would get eaten alive because of the constant red tinge on his cheeks. 

With not much time on their side, [Y/N] commanded Haru: “kiss me.” 

The detective swapped their positions, now the woman was pinned against the wall. Haru looped his arms underneath her thighs, his big hands making themselves home on [Y/N]’s fat ass and pulled the woman off the ground with ease. [Y/N] instinctively wrapped her legs around his torso and her arms wound up on his neck, actually impressed how he could effortlessly lift her weight.

Now that the two officials were in a familiar position, Haru dove into plump lips that he was no stranger to. His next movements happened as if it was muscle memory: strongly squeezing [Y/N]’s ass to emit a gasp, snaking his tongue into her mouth and exploring into old territory. 

His wet muscle lapped [Y/N]’s, tracing her canines and made no room for her to dominate. To get back at Haru due to her petty attitude, [Y/N] roughly tugged on the detective’s hair and dragged her nails on his clothed back, earning a rewarding groan from him. Their bodies moved and reacted on instinct, old memories from their academy days crashing in their hazed minds, knowing which places to touch to earn a delicious answer from the other, and memorising their likes and dislikes: the act of making out and fucking practiced to perfection. 

Haru and [Y/N] let down their guards, briefly forgetting what their purpose was in the party. Not to worry, a grim reminder slowly opened the door to their hiding place. The dreaded Kodama Yashiro won the game of hide and seek, though he wouldn’t be too pleased where he found his reward. The woman he sought for against the wall, with another man between her legs and his disgusting mouth corrupting her delicious-looking lips. Rage, shock and revolt instantly soared through the son’s being, his sense of entitlement maximised. 

“Kei, you fucking slut.” The young man spat out her fake name, the derogatory term dripping with what the yakuza son felt. His mouth ran off with anger taking a hold of his brain, mouthing off every single insult you can throw at a woman under the moon. 

“What are you doing with this fucker? You were clearly flirting with me and to think I was about to take you home.” Yashiro went off with his self-entitlement and ego, oblivious to the social standards of the underworld. Too naive and innocent due to his young age, which was quite the irony. 

[Y/N] broke from the unintended heated kiss, leaving her and Haru with heaving chests and a string of saliva between them. The woman whipped her head to right with a daunting smirk, remaining unbothered by Yashiro’s worded harassment. [Y/N] securing her left arm around Haru’s head to hide his handsome face away. 

“I’m not interested in little kids, sweetie. Makes me feel like a creep.” 

The agent boldly sassed with an obvious smile in her tone, making Yashiro reach new heights of rage. This led to another round of assailment but this time with new brutal words, though oddly enough the young man stayed grounded by the door. He was all bark and no bite. [Y/N] tuned out the annoying little brat, rather focusing on repressing her body’s response to Haru’s ministrations. The agent was irked on how the man could play her body by his will. 

However, Yashiro’s harassment towards [Y/N] didn’t fall on deaf ears. Haru was the one who let the insults get to him, getting ticked off with every word that left the bastard’s filthy mouth and desperately wanted to deck the motherfucker in the face. How dare that bastard insult [Y/N].

Soon the agent noticed Haru’s growing anger, due to his tightening grip on her ass. As much as she felt aroused, she knew an angry Haru would end up in a fist fight and a failed operation. She squeezed his torso with her legs and ran her fingers through his taupe locks, just the way he likes, catching his attention. 

The woman once again secured her arm around Haru’s head, gently pushing his face into her neck, being extra careful that his identity wouldn’t be recognized by the kingpin’s son. God forbid it happens, but if that event occurs, it should be her face that should be revealed. 

“Don’t listen to him. Focus on me.” The agent whispered into Haru’s left ear, trying her best to keep her tone low and words to a limit. The man raced through other solutions that involved shutting up the blabbering boy, but sighed in defeat and complied to [Y/N]’s command. 

Haru placed a kiss right beneath her ear, in their body language translating into understanding. So he did just that, Haru’s mouth left searing hot kisses as he followed the flow of the woman’s neck and went down south. Now he purely focused on pleasing her, trusting in [Y/N]’s skills to get them out of there. 

From his experience with her, the woman liked this particular spot to be cared for. Relying on his memory, Haru paid extra attention at the base of her neck and just above her collarbone: what he remembered to be her sweet spot. Haru gave another chaste kiss before sinking his teeth on the soft skin. As [Y/N] was trying to drive off the persistent pest, a genuine gasp emitted from her mouth, legs trembling around the man between them. 

A discreet smirk crawled up to Haru’s lips, soothing the prominent teeth imprint with the lick of his tongue. His ego inflated a tad, though the man smacked himself mentally and questioned himself on why he should be proud about that. 

This was getting out of hand, he wanted [Y/N] to put that idiot in place already. 

The Kodama Yashiro finally shut up. His anger was beyond saving but he felt frustrated to no end. One, he was completely ignored by the woman he was trying to snatch and take up to his place. Hell, she admitted she didn’t find him attractive at all, not once in his life did a woman ever reject him like tonight. Two, some dumb brunette managed to win over his target. Yashiro embedded to his soul what little features the brunette looked like. 

With that, the yakuza son left in utter defeat. 

Haru and [Y/N] let out the breaths they didn't know they held and finally relaxed from such a tense moment. The two officials met eyes once more, before sighing in relief. Awkwardness thankfully didn’t hang in the atmosphere, after all the officials felt at home in each other’s arms. 

“We should stay longer, we don’t want to be too suspicious.” Haru suggested, closing his eyes in content with [Y/N]’s digits fixing his hair and dress shirt. The detective returned the favor by brushing back [Y/N]’s stray hairs and into her slick, straightened hair. They needed to at least look decent before going out to the public again, but messy enough to give the message that there is an afterparty once they leave. 

“I’ll explain myself more when we leave. There might be ears around us.” 

The two stood in silence in order to consider the factors that happened in their respective missions. Then Haru felt warmth on his body again, being hugged by the woman. She buried her face in his neck this time, and muttered to his skin:

“I haven’t seen you for so long, I actually missed you.” 

The initial shock wore off in an instant, Haru lightly chuckling and reciprocated the hug. The events happened in a reversed sequence but neither of them were complaining. Haru caught a whiff of [Y/N]’s scent, still chocolate and coconut. Some things don’t change no matter how many years have passed. Both parties were glad 4 years didn’t estrange their relationship. 

Once enough time passed, the two released each other from the hug. Haru placed his suit jacket over her shoulders, fighting some of the chill the night came with. [Y/N] took a hold of Haru’s arm and enveloped it around herself, having the excuse to display their status as a couple. Though that excuse she wanted to be true someday. Receiving no protests from the man, the pseudo-couple left the room and walked their way to the exit of the building. 

Upon setting foot of the grounds outside the proximity of the grand hall, the two officials dashed away and to [Y/N]’s car, finally driving away from the evil lair. The agent was the first one to speak again: 

“My operation is to take down a drug syndicate. This was one of the main bases.” 

Her explanation was brief and rather vague, but that was all the information she could offer to Haru. But the man was satisfied with her answer, his irrational fears ceased and his mind at ease. 

“What about you? Wasn’t expecting to see you there,” [Y/N] chortled. Haru smiled at the light mood, mayhaps the cute giggle from the agent. 

“Your beloved suitor is actually my target.” [Y/N] raised her eyebrows in amusement, sighing as she drove to Haru’s apartment. Haru’s compliance could speed things up in the operation, the woman mulling over her report for tomorrow morning. It was decided in her heart that it would be beneficial to have Haru’s hands on deck, with a tinge of personal wants. 

“I’ll figure things out from my end first, then I’ll let you know anything that could be of use. But I have one favor to ask.” The detective fully turned his body to [Y/N], his attention once again one hundred percent on her. 

“Promise me you’ll keep everything you know to yourself, Haru-chan.” The agent briefly looked over to the man in her passenger seat, holding out her pinky. Her eyes focused on the road again, feeling Haru’s warm hand engulf her smaller one. He untangled her fingers and drew her hand closer to his face, planting a tender kiss on the back of [Y/N]’s hand. A silent agreement that was stronger than a string of words in their relationship. What started out as a joke to take a jab turned into a plight. 

The rest of the drive was relatively silent, both officials exhausted from a high-stake predicament. Through the power of overspeeding in empty roads, soon Haru’s apartment came into view. The poor man was in and out of sleep as he sloppily got out of the car. 

“Goodnight, [Y/N]-kun.” Haru waved with his hand a goodnight, a shit eating grin appearing on his handsome features. The woman huffed out in disbelief and flipped him off with a smile, forgetting about her nickname from the detective. Haru entered his home, hearing the car engine get further and further away. 

As much as he would love to knock out and sleep right at the genkan, he determined himself to at least wash up and change out of the darn suit. Haphazardly stripping off the stolen clothes, Haru’s eyes landed on his profile and instantly turned into a piping hot tomato.

[Y/N]’s lipstick stains stood out against his olive complexion. The man violently shook his head, as if the action would remove the risqué events of the night from his mind. Or his lewd memories of the woman writhing underneath him. 

Haru slapped both sides of his face simultaneously, harsh enough to leave imprints of his hand. The man hardened his resolve to focus on taking a shower and ultimately hit the stacks for the night. 

[Y/N] drove up to her secluded villa, exhausted out of her mind. With little mind power left, she somehow successfully asked the commissioner to have a meeting with the Investigation Division 1 Chief: Takei Katsuhiro. Her plan was to persuade both men in agreeing to let her favorite detective to participate in the large operation, for many good reasons and not just her bias.  

After cleansing her entire body and washing up her face, the woman noticed the line of love bites littered from her neck to her collarbones. A hand touched the bruised skin, chuckling at herself and shaking her head; glad to run into her ‘good friend’ again. 

previous || next

[50shadesofmittens]

The Emperor of Mankind and the Captain General- Parallels as Dads

So in the latest episode (28) there’s some symbolic parallels that are clearly set up and even outright stated between the Emperor and the Captain General, specifically in terms of how they Parent. I figured I’d talk about this a little bit, since it feels like CG and Emps have more to contrast than in common when it comes to fatherhood. Note that I’ll be sticking largely to TTS Emps behavior unless stated otherwise.

The subtext of this parallel is outright text, with Karstodes comparing his behavior towards CG with the Primarchs behavior towards Emps. Except… IMO that’s where the parallels tend to fall flat.

Let’s break down CG’s behavior towards the Custodians:

·      He lets them do their own thing most of the time

o   Most of the time they’re doing jobs they’re well-equipped for and can handle perfectly well

·      He notes their successes and praises them for it

·      He takes note of their desires and acts on them (letting Hammurabi come along on the Mars trip in ep 27)

o   Plus if Hammurabi had said his lines in ep 27 to Emps, do you really think Emps wouldn’t have teased him about being passive-aggressive? Even if he would’ve let him come, it still would’ve been throwing shame on Hammurabi

·      He instructs them well on the situation and/or engages them even outside of the mission (I’m talking about the Dawn of War tutorial gag, as it’s not clear which he’s doing)

·      He calls upon their skills even when those skills personally disgust them, if they are valuable (calling Santodes to seduce the Skitarii as using skills Santodes prefers, instead of crushing them as Santodes has the ability to do and CG would probably prefer to see)

Now let’s compare Emps’ behavior towards the Primarchs:

·      He lets them do their own thing most of the time

o   That said, most of them are in toxic or outright dangerous situations, either being lost in the warp, in environments that encourage their own insanity to fester, or in abusive servitude to mad gods

·      He tends to make jokes at their expense even when they do as he intended

·      He forces or tricks them into filling the roles he wants (TTS version has this with manipulating Magnus and wanting Dorn to go away until he’s ready to see him, but mainline 40K Emps also did this with Perturabo and Angron)

·      His lying to his sons and misleading them is a huge theme in the show, although I will admit we see him cuddling and reading to Dorn (I’m not 100% sure that’s entirely pure and innocent either, but I have no proof and only suspicions so I will keep those to myself unless asked)

·      He wants things to happen his way, his methods- even when/if his Sons have their own ways. Again, this is a big part of why he manipulates Magnus, and also

One parallel we can make from this episode alone is that CG treats the Custodians like adults, while Emps treats the Primarchs like children. As Rogal points out, that’s not how age works- just because you are older or have more experience doesn’t mean that those younger than you are inherently lesser than the average. CG acts more like a single dad to a bunch of 20-somethings still in or fresh out of college, while Emps acts like a single dad to a bunch of five-year olds.

What do they have in common? Emps is trying to be CG, but he fails to truly grasp what makes CG the man he is. Look at the traits that the Custodians list as they describe their faith in CG:

·      His mild disposition

·      His dedication and hard work

·      Like a widowed father who’s just doing his best

·      His ability to care is unsurpassed

·      He’s nice

·      He’s steadfast

·      Make a U-Turn

·      He’s what’s needed in an age of rampant corruption, not a warmaster

Honestly this is just speculation, but I think Emps’ knows is biggest problem as a father in the 30th millennium he WAS a warmaster rather than a father. He’s trying to be a father now, as that’s whats needed, but he doesn’t really know howto be one. And he can’t see or won’t admit that he doesn’t know how to be a father, so he keeps messing up. He treats his children like they’re actual children instead of adults (as said above), and he keeps switching between being a father and being a warmaster (manipulative). Rogal at least has the awareness to not take it personally, but Magnus clearly needs a consistent father-figure from Emps and then keeps getting a warmaster.

Now let’s make comparisons between the source of this simile, Karstodes ‘redemption’ vs Magnus’:

·      Karstodes comes to the redemption on his own, simply from watching CG’s actions- he saw something he valued in CG, something worth following, and he was inspired to make the decision on his own

·      Meanwhile Magnus had to be literally kidnapped and Emps had to both butter him up and reclaim his soul from Tzeentch in order to convince Magnus to join

We don’t have enough information yet to make more comparisons, as CG and Karstodes haven’t interacted yet after Karstodes decision. It will be interesting to see what issues will remain between them, and how those will compare with Magnus and Emps rocky relationship.

I think it’s notable that the Emperor struggles to interact with the people who are his sons in the biological and literal sense, while the Captain General is referred to as a father-figure by people his own age (or possibly older). The Emperor throws his fatherhood around and demands to be acknowledged as such, while the Captain General didn’t seek fatherhood- but was recognized as a dad all the same. One made himself a father by making his sons, and one was chosen as a father of choice.

Now the most pressing contrasts- Dorn’s behavior versus the Custodians:

·      Dorn is frequently pointing out Emps failures, and holds firmly that Emps isn’t a good parent

o   Meanwhile the Custodian host literally lays down the positive traits that are why CG was elected to the Captain General post

·      Dorn often asks if Emps’ plans are a good idea and is never heeded

o   The Custodian host literally tell CG that he’s doing a good job leading them and that he’s exactly what they need

·      Dorn indulges in some ‘child-like’ behavior with Emps (cuddling, bedtime story). Notably, these are also some of the only times Emps is fully supportive and does exactly what Dorn wants him to, without complaint or sass

o   I get the feeling that Emps is happy to do kiddy-stuff with Dorn because he views Dorn as a child more than as an adult, and Dorn is willing to go through with it both because he’s genuinely open-minded enough to enjoy these activities regardless of age stigma, and because it’s the only time Emps pays attention solely to Dorn (well, as solely as he can given his current state of being) and shows nothing but affection for Dorn

o   In which case, the Custodian Host doesn’t NEED to behave in one specific way in order to get CG’s attention and affection

·      Dorn didn’t even tell Emps of his guardian post over Emps- remember it wasn’t until season 2 we learned who the ‘Adorable Centurion’ was. We see something similar with Magnus as well, going behind Emps back even when it’s for his own good

o   Meanwhile, for all we’ve seen so far, none of the Custodians have ever felt the need to lie to or mislead CG on their own activities. The oily ones may have been cruel, but never misleading. There’s a level of trust, or at least a lack of mistrust, that Emps and the Primarchs sorely lack

·      Speaking of, this is a bit off-topic but we know why Custodians trust CG while Primarchs can't trust Emps- because Emps makes false promises and manipulates his kids constantly, even if/when he does act in their best interests, with hidden meanings even when pretending to be honest. He told Magnus to look up Cypher both to get around having to explain the truth to Magnus- something he previously promised to do- and to get him out of his hair for a while

o   There’s maybe one time that CG is misleading to anyone under his command- when he tells Boreale (and Diomedes by extention) to go make him a sandwitch. In this case it’s obvious that CG doesn’t actually need food, but he’s getting the two Marines out of the way while he has a fight with Magnus- a fight that was clearly already causing distress to the two Marines. It’s a very simple, straightforward lie, made solely for the benefit of the parties being lied to, with absolutely no other motive or reason behind it

On a more shippy note, CG also kinda treats Boreale and Diomedes like new step-children in the sense that he’d be a decent step-father to have. He bonds with them over video games, brings them along on trips with his ‘biological children’ (ie the Custodian Host) to include them even if they don’t actually have a ‘role.’ Granted he’s not perfect- using them to shame their ‘bio-dad’ when Magnus fucked up. But still- I always kinda thought of their relationship like a step-dad stepping up to fill the role of parent for the pre-teen sons of his boyfriend

Anyways, going back to Emps, I think that in the grand scheme CG’s successes highlight Emps’ failures as a parent. But, I also think that Emps is trying to parent like CG- he just fails at being like CG. He sees that CG gets results, and wants those same results, but doesn’t want to change his own behavior or analyze what it is that CG does that earns him respect and love while Emps is scorned and tolerated. Emps demands the rewards of being a parent, without doing the work to earn those rewards. IDFK yet if Emps will manage to change his own ways and pull through as a parent, but the point stands that Emps fails where CG not only succeeds, but excels.

[captainillogical]

Devil’s Ballroom ch.2

A year after the events from the earth’s final attack, Little Homeworld is finally complete, and there’s a new jazz bar where gems and humans mingle and drink. - As you’re typing back a reply, someone pulls the stool out next to you and takes a seat. You see a sliver of pink out of the corner of your eye as you try not to actually Look. Oh god. It’s her. God can’t help us now.

Spinel/Reader

collab with wife @firstofficertightpants

The place actually happened to be like, right on the edge of Little Homeworld. Outside had full glass windows, tall, that reached the ceiling. Inside the lighting was dim, and a bit smokey. You figured it looked alright enough to head in, and gave the bouncer your ID. He nodded and you walked in. It smelt of cigars, and of cinnamon, and it wasn’t entirely unpleasant. A pretty woman in a low-cut red dress was playing the piano on the stage, and it was some contemporary jazz piece. The low murmur of people talking filled the air in between the swells of music, and the place actually seemed busy with people and even gems enjoying themselves. You liked the vibe. It was.. comfortable. At ease. You looked over at the bar, rather than any of the tables, and saw a spot near the end. Perfect. Right by the bathroom. You headed over and plopped down on the stool. There were three empty at the end, so you took the one in the middle, which had the best view of the stage from back here.

While waiting for the bartender to come back down this side, you took the chance to look  at the people around you. A couple familiar faces.. small town you know? And some new ones. New gems too. You can see Mr. Fryman sitting at a table with Kofi and Nanefua, and they look like they’re playing poker. You try not to snicker since Kofi looks absolutely blasted, and Mr. Fryman is cursing up a storm because Nanefua is clearly winning. You see her wink at Mr. Fryman. You suspect a rigged game.

Your phone chimes a couple times. You pull it out of your bag, and check to see who’s bothering you. Ah. The group chat.

    Alex: ughhh you guys my gmas killing me

    Alex: no seriously mexico fucking blows rn 

    Alex: i cant step outside without feeling like my balls are melting off my body

    Alex: and my brother won’t stop listening to the book of mormon soundtrack

    Alex: im going insane

Your friends are so melodramatic. You type out a couple of replies.

    Y/N: You should be used to mexican summers by now, you go every year.

    Y/N: And for the record, your brother is valid. Book of Mormon slaps.

    Alex: what the fuck youre supposed to be on my side u ass

    Alex: i thought our special thing was wicked. OUR SPECIAL THING, Y/N

    Y/N: I’m allowed to like multiple things. Including musicals. 

    Alex: never. fuck you. also what are you even doing rn come play minecraft with me

    Y/N: Yeah as much as I’d like to, I can’t.

“Y/N! So you finally came to see what this place is all about! What can I get ya?” you hear a familiar voice ask. Turning around to face the voice, you see Bismuth wearing her usual overalls and a rather nice looking bow tie. 

“Hey Bis, how’s it going? I like what you’ve done with the place. It’s nice. And uh, I’ll just take a hard cider for now.” You smile at her and set your phone down for a minute.

“Thank you! After we finished Little Homeworld, I had to find something else to focus on in my down time.” She explains while grabbing your drink from the fridge under her side of the bar, and opens it. “So tell me,” She sits the drink in front of you and leans on the counter. “What brings you out here today?”

You take a rather long sip from your drink before meeting the large gems eyes. On the stage, a tall, beardy man replaces the woman that just finished her piece. He immediately starts this jaunty, irish tune. He’s singing loudly, and it’s not bad. A couple of people are clapping to the tune.

“I just really needed to get out.” You replied, taking another sip from your drink. “I was kinda hoping I’d meet someone new, maybe get another friend to hang out with, since my friends wanted to ditch me this summer.” As you’re saying this, more people join the clapping. It’s getting a bit rowdy. “Or maybe at least get drunk enough to forget how lonely I feel.” You add, shrugging. 

“Well, I can supply the drinks, and at least a bit of company.” Bismuth winks, and turns to the patron 6 seats up waving her over. 

You check your phone again, and there’s more from Alex. AND Harper? She must still have phone service wherever she’s at.     Alex: what are u fuckin doin that so important that u cant play minecraft with ur best friend

    Harper: yeah, Y/N. the heck. Also alex, get lost, she’s MY best friend bitch

    Alex: u had ur chances but u left us so we’re a duo now. u can go

    Harper: excuse me!? I WILL end you.

    Y/N: Oh my god, chill. I’m just out right now, so I can’t okay? 

    Y/N: And nice of you to join us, Harper.

    Harper: fuck you I miss you okay. And I miss constant wifi :(

    Alex: OUT!? What do you mean OUT. its night. u play games with ME during this time

    Alex: for real what the fuck are you doing

    Harper: yeah, you don’t go out without us. Wtf are you doing?

    Y/N: I’m at a bar!!     Alex: WHAT

    Alex: dont tell me its the one place that just opened

    Alex: Y/N do NOT betray me you TOLD ME you were gonna go with me!!

    Y/N: I was. But I was also bored and you’re both gone, soooo. 

    Alex: wow

    Alex: i cant believe youve done this to me

    Harper: hmmm. ;)

    Harper: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ;)

    Y/N: What.

    Harper: you tryin to find girls again? 

    Harper: like that one time you went to empire city just to peruse the mall?

    Alex: LMAOOOOO

    Y/N: No.

    Alex: LMAOOOO Y/N GOOD LUCK TRYING TO FIND A GF LOLL

    Y/N: I’m not trying to find a girlfriend you fucks. Christ.

    Y/N: Also Alex, you’re one to talk. You can’t KEEP a girlfriend.

    Alex: ur just mad i have a passionate and intimate relationship w/ my hand

    Y/N: And it will probably stay that way. 

    Y/N: Besides, so far, no one cute here. So it’s a bust.

    Harper: a bust. Lmfao u just outed yourself :)

    Y/N: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

You put your phone down before seeing whatever Alex attempts to reply back with. It sounds like the current boisterous song is coming to a close, and really, most of the people here are clapping along with this guy. It’s fun. And despite the playful ribbing from your shit-talking friends, you’re starting to have a nice time. You finish your drink, and nod over to Bismuth who catches your eye and nods back. You look over onto the stage, the man having cleared the piano, and see Lapis wiping down the piano and seat. Guess he spilled his drink while playing. Lapis, unlike Bismuth, actually dressed up a bit for the job. Her hair was pulled in a cute, small bun, and she was wearing what looks like a tailored tux with no jacket. The vest fit her quite well. She seemed.. happy. Good for her.

No one had taken up the stage again yet, but the place was still lively with chatter. You see someone out of the corner of your eye move towards the stage, but Bismuth comes over again so you tear your gaze away. 

“Another cider? Or do you want something else this time, Y/N? She asks, cleaning a glass with a rag, and moves on to the next one. 

“Ehh, yeah, give me another cider.” You say as you pull out your phone again. Bismuth sets down the drink in front of you.

    Harper: what a goddamn disaster. she got that from me i think

    Alex: no, youre both disasters separately

    Y/N: Fuck you guys. Give me a break.

You hear the piano start to play again, and someone pulling the mic forward. You look up to see pink hair.. And someone kind of familiar. She’s wearing black slacks, a white collared shirt, and suspenders. The shirt is partially open, and you see part of a pink gem showing through on her chest. It looks like she’s got mascara running down her face. 

And then.. she starts to sing. 

It’s lovely. It’s slow and a bit sad, but she seems to be enjoying herself. She’s definitely done this before. Quite a few of the people around quiet down some, so you can hear her pretty clearly. You drink some, and text your friends.

    Y/N: Guys, I lied. There’s a cute gem here who can sing.

    Alex: holy fuk

    Alex: what

    Y/N: She looks kind of familiar though? I can’t quite place it though.

    Harper: dude theres like near 100 gems now in little homeworld lol

    Harper: you’ve probs seen most in passing? :P

    Alex: are you serious Y/N? cant flirt with human women so u turn to aliens? lmfao

    Y/N: Ohhhhh my god. Die.

The gem on stage sings the chorus with gusto - man she’s really getting into this. You’re kind of taken a bit with her performance. It just pulls you. But also.. She really seems familiar now and it’s bothering you.

    Y/N: No I’m serious she seems really familiar and not in that In Passing kind of way.

    Harper: what does she look like?

    Alex: yeah a description would be nice 

    Harper: TAKE A PIC

    Alex: holy shit YES 

    Y/N: I can’t take a pic. She’s too far away, it’ll be blurry.

    Alex: literally just zoom in lord almighty

    Y/N: Okay. Hold on a sec.

You turn on your camera app, and face the stage. Looks like the gem is actually finishing up her song. Perfect, you’ll snap a pic once she stands up. She finishes, and most of the people are clapping for her. You zoom in, and it’s grainy, but decent enough to make out most of her. You snap the pic.

The flash was on.

A couple people turn to look at you, and you try turning away quickly, horrified, and see the gem looking in your direction before walking off into the crowd of people. You cannot imagine a worse scenario. 

    Y/N: FUCK FUCCCCKKKKKK.

    Y/N: (image sent)

    Y/N: I GOT YOUR FUCKING PIC BUT THE FLASH IS ON.

    Y/N: I’M PRETTY SURE SHE SAW THAT IT WAS ME THAT TOOK THE PIC.

With shaking hands, you take another sip of your drink and wait for a reply. Why is life like this.

    Harper: uh.

    Harper: ummm.

    Alex: wait

    Alex: one fucking second

    Y/N: WHY ARE NONE OF YOU CARING ABOUT MY PLIGHT. 

    Y/N: I’M TRYING NOT TO COMBUST ON THE SPOT HERE.

    Alex: shut up for one second

    Alex: harper isnt that

    Harper: uhh. yeah i think so.

    Y/N: WHAT!? WHO IS IT. WHY DOES THAT MATTER AT THIS POINT.

    Alex: lmao i cant believe i have to tell u this

    Alex: bitch do u remember that shit that happened last summer

    Alex: where half the town almost died from that gem shit

    Alex: that’s her     Alex: that’s the bitch who almost killed like, the entire planet

    Harper: you know that night your dad almost died??

As you’re typing back a reply, someone pulls the stool out next to you and takes a seat. You see a sliver of pink out of the corner of your eye as you try not to actually Look. Oh god. It’s her. God can’t help us now. 

[etherealwaifgoddess]

Maybe I Am? - Chpt.3

Characters: Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes

Summary: The guys meet up for a casual Sunday farmers market trip but when they get back to Bucky’s apartment things heat up fast. Master list HERE.

Content Warning: basic second base smuttiness; swapping hand jobs and some frottage.

Word Count: 5k

Author’s Note: Hello lovelies! I told ya'll there was gonna a lot of smut in this one and I'm starting to deliver as of this chapter :) So please, enjoy some lovely smuttiness on this fine Wednesday evening lol. XOXO - Ash

Chapter Three

“I told you so.” Natasha cheered over their plate of danishes the next morning. 

Bucky’s smile was sphinx-like as he nibbled on his pastry, “You did. I’m still not 100% sure he’s not going to just bolt at some point but I think that’s a risk I’m going to have to take.” 

“It sounds like a risk worth taking if one kiss has you smiling like that twelve hours later.”

“Ugh, Nat! And for the record, it was more than just one.” Bucky chuckled as Natasha shoved at him playfully.

Across town Steve was helping Sam tidy up in between classes and trying to avoid the grilling he knew Sam wanted to give. They had recapped the last class and personal training sessions and planned out the room for the next group coming in. They went over all the adjustments needed to the next week’s schedule since they were still covering for Thor who was out on paternity leave for the next four weeks now that his wife Jane had the baby. By the time they were setting the last of the kettle bells on the rack they had run out of gym related topics. Sam gave him another side eyed glance and Steve sighed, knowing what was coming.

“So are you still talking to Bucky?” Sam finally asked.

Steve had been reluctant to tell Sam about anything other than their first meeting. He hadn’t even told Sam why he’d bought the new outfit for earlier that week. It was still so new and he was unsure himself of where things were going, or where he even wanted them to go. He figured if in the end he realized he was bi or gay or whatever, then he could tell his friends. But until he was sure there was no point in announcing anything. “I am.” Steve admitted reluctantly.

“And how’s that going?” Sam seemed genuinely interested but Steve still clammed up.

“Good, he’s a good friend. We’ve been swapping memes all week.” 

“Nice. See, it all worked out and now you have someone else to send those stupid GIFs from The Office to.” 

“Hey, don’t knock one of the best TV shows of all time.” Steve glared pointedly.

“Whatever floats your boat, man.” Sam moved on, heading over to the desk to check the roster one last time before he started pulling out mats for their next class. A small twinge of guilt bit in Steve’s stomach, knowing he had let Sam make a wrong conclusion and hadn’t corrected him. But really, what was the point if he still wasn’t sure of everything himself? 

xxXxx

Bucky woke early on the Sunday after their date, restless in a way he hadn’t been in a while. He wanted to see Steve again but it had only been a day. Bucky busied himself with too much coffee and a book while he did laundry in his building's basement, trying to distract himself for a while. By 10am all of his standard keep busy chores were done and he was staring at his phone, trying to make Steve text him by sheer force of will. Giving up he started swiping through Instagram, catching up on his friend’s weekend adventures. Pepper had posted a cute picture of a bouquet she bought at the local farmers market and Bucky realized he had found the perfect reason to text Steve. It was innocent enough and casual so if Steve was busy or declined it wasn’t earth shattering. Plan in place, Bucky fired off a quick text.

Bucky Barnes [10:17:44AM]: hey u. im heading 2 the farmers market in sunset park. gonna stop 4 more of that wine. wanna come?

Steeeeve [10:19:23AM]: Hey! That sounds fun. What time?

Bucky Barnes [10:19:52AM]: headed over now if ur free

Steeeeve [10:20:08AM]: Okay. I just need to throw on some shoes and I’ll head out. I can be there in like 15min. 

Bucky Barnes [10:20:33AM]: k see u then

Bucky scrambled to fix his hair and pick a shirt from the pile he’d just brought up. He hadn’t expected Steve to be willing to meet up so quickly and he was still wearing his laundry day sweatpants. He was closer to the market than Steve but he also needed more time to get ready so he ended up getting a “I’m here” text from Steve on his way. 

Steve was waiting by a jewelry stand when Bucky caught up with him. He had been wandering around for a few minutes and the display of beaded bracelets caught his eye. They reminded him of the ones Bucky had worn when they first met and he wondered which ones Bucky would like. 

“Hey!” Bucky greeted him with a small wave as he approached.

“Hey.” Steve echoed happily. He almost reached out for a hug but something held him back and after a second ticked by he realized he should have just done it but the moment had passed. 

“What are you looking at?” Bucky asked, a little disappointed he hadn’t gotten their standard greeting hug and wanting to move on. 

“Oh, these things caught my eye while I was browsing.” 

“They’re nice. I love the way the translucent ones almost glow.” Bucky picked up one of the vivid pink ones, letting the sunlight hit it from different angles. 

“Let me buy it for you.” Steve offered before his brain caught up with his mouth. 

Bucky looked skeptically at him, “You don’t have to do that.” 

“I want to, please?” 

“Thanks, Stevie.” Bucky said softly, handing the bracelet over. 

Steve blushed at the nickname, ducking his head and walking over to pay the sales girl for the bracelet. Once purchased, he returned it to Bucky who slid it on his wrist next to the two others he was currently wearing.

“Perfect.” Steve praised. 

Bucky was looking appreciatively at his newest addition while Steve was looking appreciatively at Bucky. God, he was gorgeous. Bucky was dressed casually in light washed jeans and a dark grey shirt with no one should live in a closet written in fancy script with a wand below it, all in rainbow colors. Leave it to Bucky. “I like your shirt. Harry Potter reference, right?” Steve guessed.

“Yep. I found it at Pride last year and I’m completely in love with it.” 

“It’s very you.” 

“I’m taking that as a compliment.” Bucky preened for a moment. 

Steve chuckled, “Come on, let’s go get some coffee. Altitude Coffee has a little pop up shop back that way.” 

Steve and Bucky trailed their way through the bustling farmers market, picking up things here and there. Some they actually needed for groceries, but others were just fun impulse buys. They each had overly full canvas totes by the time they were done, and hauled their finds along with them to the wine shop. They each bought a full box from the shop, having stocked up on a half case of their favorites, which only further slowed Bucky down. While Steve had the muscles and endurance to haul a giant tote and six bottles of wine around the city, Bucky did not. 

“Uh, Steve.” Bucky panted out, finally giving up. 

Steve looked over and realized Bucky had fallen a few steps behind while he was talking about a winery he had visited while in Canada a few years ago. 

“I think I need to tap out.” Bucky admitted while shifting his bag as much as he could to get comfortable. 

“Shit, I’m so sorry.” Steve shifted his tote higher on his shoulder, wondering if he could sling Bucky’s on next to his. “Here, let me take your bag.” he extended a hand towards Bucky’s bag.

Bucky was conflicted, he wanted to try and at least get his stuff home but Steve probably could carry both without breaking a sweat. Damned muscled god of a man. “How about this? Since I’m the one wimping out, let me call us an Uber. I can probably get us one less than five minutes.” 

Steve frowned at the idea of an expensive ride all the back to Park Slope. “You don’t have to do that. I can carry our stuff.” 

“If I call us an Uber we could go back to my place and try that baguette and jam I bought.”

“Ooh, that’s a good bribe. I have that cheese I got too.” Steve looked at Bucky for a long moment. An afternoon of good food and even better company was too tempting to pass up. “You sure you don’t mind me coming over?” 

“Not at all. It’s a tiny little crap shack of a place, but it’s my tiny little crap shack.” 

Bucky was already pulling up the app and ordering them a car when Steve finally said, “Okay, let’s go.” 

The Uber ride back to Bucky’s place was barely more than ten minutes and they sat cramped in the back of a Prius with their wine boxes in the trunk and their totes in their laps. Bucky was trying not to laugh at the ridiculousness and shot Steve amused glances every so often, making the blonde have to tamp down his own laughter. By the time they got to Bucky’s apartment Steve practically leapt out of the tiny blue car, grateful to stretch back to his full height again. He insisted on carrying both of their totes and his box of wine bottles up to Bucky’s apartment, leaving Bucky his own wine to carry. Thankfully the building had an elevator and Steve seemed barely phased under the weight of all their stuff. Bucky tried to ignore the filthy thoughts racing through his head of what else Steve was strong enough to do. Like pick him up and fuck him against a wall. Or something. God, Bucky hoped Steve figured things out soon because he was barely through their second date and wanted to climb the man like a tree. 

“Home sweet home.” Bucky announced as he swung the door open to his apartment. He flicked on the recessed lighting in the living room and showed Steve to the kitchen where he could put their bags down. It was a cute little one bedroom apartment with a decent sized living room and dine-in kitchen. 

“It’s nice.” Steve said looking around as he placed their bags on the faux granite countertop. 

“It’s tiny but it works.” Bucky shrugged. 

Steve noticed the would be dining room area of the kitchen was set up with a desk and three wide computer monitors instead of a table. “That’s quite a set up over there.” 

“Oh, yeah.” Bucky looked embarrassed for a moment, “It’s a little ridiculous, but when you work from home it’s kinda nice to have a sweet setup. When I signed on to work for Stark Securities they gave me a signing bonus so I splurged and bought better equipment and that fancy office chair. It was completely worth it too.” 

“Good for you, you deserve it.” 

Bucky blushed lightly at the sincerity of Steve’s tone. He nervously spun the bracelet Steve had bought him around his wrist a few times, hoping he wasn’t setting himself for heartache. “So, lunch?” Bucky offered, the momentary tension dissipating. 

“Absolutely. Let’s break out that bread you got.” Steve started rifling through his bag for the soft cheese and candied pecans he’d bought while Bucky pulled out the heavy loaf of artisan bread, the little pot of homemade plum jam, and a bottle of Chloe Prosecco he’d bought at the wine shop. The bottle had been adorable with its fancy little bow and the sales girl had said it was a popular choice.

They laid out their feast on a large cutting board, teasing each other about how posh the whole thing was. It was a simple but seemingly elegant lunch spread and Bucky liked that their official second date had a bit of a classy feel to it. 

“I’m sorry I don’t have a table or anything for us to eat at.” Bucky waved his hand at his little office space. “I normally just eat on the sofa like a heathen.” 

“Honestly so do I.” Steve admitted with a chuckle.

“We can be heathens together then.” Bucky picked up their wine glasses while Steve carried the large tray out to the coffee table where they set up their feast. Flicking through his streaming channels he settled on Disney, knowing everyone loved those movies. “Have you seen the new Beauty and the Beast?”

Steve shook his head, “No, I heard it was good though.” 

“Good?” Bucky feigned offense, “Stephen Gilligan Rogers.” 

“Not my middle name.” Steve chuckled but Bucky was undeterred.

“BATB is not good. It is iconic. The elaborate costumes, the backdrops, the music, oh my god Steve, the music. We’re watching it. End of subject.” Bucky started up the movie, not even slightly apologetic for his dramatics. One had not lived until they saw Emma Watson as Belle. 

Two hours later Bucky was curled up against Steve, watching with misty eyes as the palace furniture turned back into real people as the curse lifted. Steve was completely engrossed in the movie, barely registering that he had been stroking Bucky’s hair for the better part of an hour. 

“Now do you see?” Bucky demanded as the credits rolled a few minutes later. 

“You were right. That was amazing.” Steve conceded. 

“It was always my favorite Disney movie as a kid but seeing it redone in such a perfect way really gets to me. I’ve threatened to dress up as Belle for the past three Halloweens now.” 

Steve grinned at the idea, “I think you’d make a beautiful Belle.” 

And just like that the air shifted. Bucky was suddenly very aware of how close they were curled up together and the way Steve was looking at him like he’d hung the moon. He didn’t want to rush Steve, he was willing to wait as Steve figured himself out, but if he kept looking at Bucky like that, his timeline needed to hurry up. “You’d make a very handsome beast.” he finally said, going for levity but falling short. 

Steve blushed so prettily, his eyes locked on Bucky’s lips, the bottom of which he was chewing on again. Steve knew now it was a nervous tell and it gave him a little thrill knowing he wasn’t the only nervous one. “I think I’d like to kiss you again.” he admitted quietly. 

“You don’t have to ask, honey.” Bucky purred, leaning in to press a tender kiss against Steve’s lips.

Steve’s body was shaking with nervous energy as Bucky shifted up onto his knees so he could kiss Steve easier. Bucky tasted like wine and plums and something very uniquely him. It made Steve’s head spin as he chased Bucky’s tongue with his own. The fears and worries over what he was doing died away in that moment, his whole being consumed by his desire for the sweet man who was practically in his lap. Steve still wasn’t sure what it all meant, but he knew he wanted more. 

Bucky was so thankful for a repeat of the night on Steve’s couch. Kissing Steve was electric and Bucky couldn’t get enough. The hard planes of his body pressed firmly up against the softer ones of Bucky’s, which only made Bucky more desperate for the close contact. Despite having a thicker build, Bucky felt small next to Steve and he loved it. Feeling brave, and praying desperately that Steve wouldn’t bolt, he swung a leg over Steve’s lap and sat himself atop Steve’s thighs. “Is this okay?” he asked once he was settled. 

“Yeah.” Steve shuddered, “Yeah, it’s fine.” Steve let his hands come to rest on Bucky’s thick thighs on either side of his smaller ones. While Steve’s thighs were hard with well earned muscle, Bucky’s had natural musculature and a softness to them that had Steve wanting to sink his fingers into their plush expanse. Bucky had gone back to kissing him while his mind wandered and Steve decided to give Bucky’s thighs an exploratory squeeze. For science really, just to see if he would feel anything. The kissing so far had been fantastic but Steve worried they’d eventually hit a point where everything went to hell and he realized he was most definitely straight. And then he’d lose Bucky forever. 

Bucky made a light huffing sound when Steve sunk his fingers into the soft meat of his thighs. He was thankful Steve was getting a little braver and decided to run his hands up and down the length of Steve’s ridiculously muscled chest and stomach in a tentative exploration of his own. 

A choked noise made its way out of Steve’s throat as Bucky touched him with feather light hands. He wanted to rip his shirt off and give him all the access he wanted. But he was taking things slow, Steve reminded himself. Unfortunately, not all parts of Steve got that memo. 

Bucky had shifted a bit trying to sprinkle kisses along the sharp edge of Steve’s jaw when he accidentally brushed against an unexpected guest. “Oh, shit, sorry.” he blurted out, moving back an inch so he wasn’t pressed against the, frankly enormous, erection in Steve’s pants. 

Steve blushed from the tips of his ears all the way down his throat. “No, I’m sorry. I guess I got a little carried away.” 

Bucky glanced down at the tenting of Steve’s pants. Damn, he wanted to get his hands on Steve like yesterday. “I could, uh,” he cleared his throat roughly, “help you. With that.” Steve looked at him with wide bright blue eyes, so open and unsure, that Bucky started backpedaling all in a rush, “Or not, we can stop. We don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.” 

Steve just grinned and leaned in to kiss Bucky again, his motions almost questioning. “I think I’d be okay going a little further this time.” he said quietly against Bucky’s mouth. 

Bucky squeaked involuntarily at Steve’s words. He was now dealing with his own growing problem at the idea of getting to fool around a little with Steve. “If you’re sure. We can stop at any time.” he promised. It would probably kill him, but if Steve said stop at any point he would be off him in a second. 

“I trust you, Buck.” Steve told him, brushing a strand of hair back behind Bucky’s ear. 

Bucky wanted to melt at the trust Steve had in him. He was too good to be true and Bucky just had to hope it would all work out. Gay or straight or somewhere in between, Steve Rogers was an absolute dream partner. Bucky shifted himself forward a little so the hard length in his pants could rub against the one in Steve’s while they kissed a little more. Bucky let his hips rock a little as they moved, giving them both a little bit of tortuous friction. 

Steve was panting like he’d run a marathon, and he knew this from personal experience when he and Sam had run the New York City Marathon a few years back as publicity for their gym. He’d never thought making out on a sofa would have quite the same effect but life had been full of surprises for him lately. The friction against his dick felt amazing and there was a naughty little zing of arousal knowing it was from Bucky’s erection rubbing against his. He would never have expected to enjoy that so much but there he was, fighting for self control like a horny teenager. He wanted to get Bucky off too and not just selfishly sit back and let Bucky take care of him. Steve was well acquainted with getting himself off and really how different could it be doing it to someone else? He was feeling bold and brash, knowing a hand was just a hand and really he had to start somewhere. “I think I’m ready for more.” he spoke up in between heated kisses. 

Bucky paused, jaw hanging open in shock. “Like, more more?” 

Steve nodded rapidly. “Like second base more?” He held his breath, waiting for Bucky to process what he’d just asked for. 

“God,” Bucky heaved out a breath, “You’re gonna be the death of me. Yes, second base, yes. Get those pants off, Rogers.” He stripped his own shirt off eagerly while Steve just sat there, amused.

“I kinda have this gorgeous guy on my lap at the moment.” he teased.

“Sorry!” Bucky yelped, hopping up so Steve could pull his pants down and off, quickly followed by his tee shirt. He sat in just his boxer briefs on Bucky’s sofa, looking like every Calvin Klien ad fantasy Bucky’d ever had come to life. “Jesus.” he whispered harshly. Bucky couldn’t get his own pants off fast enough, leaving him in his own silky boxers to resume his perch on Steve’s lap. 

Unconfined by pants Bucky got a better feel of Steve’s cock and he was thanking every saint he could think of for what was about to happen. He shifted himself closer to Steve, his thighs spreading wider, and he reached down to give Steve’s cock a tentative squeeze over top the soft cotton of his underwear. 

“Ohh.” Steve gasped out, his body trembling once again. His eyes were glued on Bucky, not wanting to miss a moment. He was so handsome sitting on Steve’s lap. His long hair shining in the afternoon sun that flooded in the glass balcony doors, his lightly tanned skin decorated with a series of finely detailed tattoos. While his muscles weren’t hard and cut like Steve’s, Steve loved the slight softness of the other man’s body, giving him something to sink his fingers into along his sides. It felt nice, and right, and Steve realized in that moment he was more invested in what was about to happen than he had been for most the sexual encounters he’d had with Peggy. It was startling but Steve pushed it down to deal with another day. In the moment, all that mattered was Bucky. 

“Can I?” Bucky asked, trailing his fingers along the waistband of Steve’s boxer briefs. 

“Yeah. Can I?” Steve echoed, tugging at the silky material at Bucky’s hip. 

“If you’re sure.” Bucky prayed silently that having an actual cock in his hand wouldn’t send Steve running for the hills. 

But it didn’t. Steve pulled his underwear off when Bucky hopped up to do the same and he was all nervous excitement when Bucky resumed his perch. He hadn’t thought of what to expect but Steve was blatantly staring at the thick length of Bucky’s dick. It was shorter than his own, but Steve had already known he was considered a bit above average, and it was girthy in a way that made Steve wonder if he topped or bottomed. Because, Steve thought with amusement, these were things he had to consider now. But not right away. They would take things slow and he would see if this was even something he wanted to try. Steve reached out a hand to test the weight of Bucky’s dick in his palm. He slid his hand up and down for two quick strokes, testing how doing that made him feel and was pleasantly surprised that it was a pretty familiar act. The way Bucky hissed out a sharp breath and craned his neck back, eyes shut tight, made Steve’s own dick jump for attention. Oh, this was kind of fun. Steve moved his hand for another few stokes, enjoying the way Bucky’s body reacted so blatantly to the pleasure. It was easy to get him worked up like that and Steve was genuinely enjoying himself watching Bucky become a desperate, needy thing in his lap, thrusting a little into Steve’s fist. 

“God. Fuck. Stevie, slow down.” Bucky pleaded. “I wanna take care of you too, honey. Can I? Please?” 

“Okay.” Steve acquiesced, bracing himself for the pressure of Bucky’s hand around his dick. 

Bucky eagerly wrapped his fist around the hard length of Steve’s cock, sliding it up and down the impressive length until Steve gasped. He leaned forward to kiss Steve from his jaw down his neck to his collarbones while he groped him fervently between their two overheated bodies. For as simple as it was, it was absolutely exquisite. “How you doing, Stevie?” Bucky prompted, wanting to check in to ensure Steve was still on board. He rested his forehead on Steve’s shoulder, waiting patiently for him to respond.

“So good.” Steve managed to moan out. “This is amazing.” 

“Wanna try something even more amazing?” Bucky grinned devilishly. “Just hand stuff, promise.” he added for reassurance.

“What can be better than this?” Steve questioned but motioned for Bucky to go ahead with whatever he had in mind.  

Carefully, Bucky shifted forward one last time, pressing as close to Steve as humanly possible making his over stretched thighs burn in the process. He slipped his hand from Steve’s cock and lined it up with his own, wrapping his fist around them both the best he could. He gave them a quick stroke, reveling in the sensation and waiting to see if Steve would enjoy it too. 

Steve’s whimper was a good sign. “Please.” he begged, “Please, please do that.” 

Bucky picked up the motion again, rhythmically pumping them in his fist. Steve was making little broken ahh sounds, unable to keep up with the pleasure thrumming through his body, and it spurred Bucky on to bring them both racing towards their release. 

Steve could feel the pressure building, his body was on fire and he could barely bite out a warning to Bucky as he felt his orgasm ripping through him. A half formed “I’m g-” was all the warning Bucky got before Steve was spilling all over his hand and cock. Watching Steve come undone, the pure bliss on his face, had Bucky following him over the edge of his own climax seconds later. His body shook hard as he spilled over his hand and across the rippled muscles of Steve’s abs. 

Steve’s cheeks were flushed, his eyes shining, and Bucky mused he probably looked about the same. Steve was so stunning sitting there with a wide, lazy blissed out smile on his face. Bucky giggled a little realizing how incredibly lucky he was. Steve really was just perfection. 

“What?” Steve asked, joining in Bucky’s infectious laughter. 

“You’re perfect.” Bucky admitted, speaking what was on his mind. 

“And you’re beautiful.” Steve leaned up to push Bucky’s hair back where it had fallen forward in his face. He pressed two chaste kisses against his lips before pulling back, feeling a little extra affectionate in his post-orgasmic haze. 

Bucky made a muffled mmph sound, leaning into Steve, just wanting to be close for a moment. “We made quite a mess.” he said finally, the squidgy feeling of their come between their stomachs not exactly a pleasant one. 

“We should clean up.” Steve agreed. 

“Come on, I have some wet wipes in my room.” Bucky lifted himself up off of Steve’s lap, suddenly cold without their skin to skin contact.

Steve noticed his shiver and as soon as he was standing, he pulled Bucky close against him in a warm embrace. 

Bucky basked in the warmth, his brain effectively turning to mush again at how sweet Steve was. “You spoil me.” he whispered against Steve’s firm pecs.

Steve dropped a kiss on top of Bucky’s head, “You deserve to be spoiled.” 

It took every bit of willpower in Bucky to pull back and lead Steve down the hall to clean up. He could have stayed wrapped in Steve’s arms forever, sticky cooling mess on his stomach be damned. They exchanged quick, adorably awkward glances at each other as they cleaned up. Both wanting to get a more detailed look now the heat of the moment had passed. Steve tossed his wipes in the wastebasket by Bucky’s dresser and then pulled Bucky close by his hips, “You really are so beautiful, Buck.” he told him softly.

Bucky had been careful to wall up his heart when he decided to give Steve a chance. He didn’t want to risk another heartbreak less than a year after what he’d been through with Brock. But Steve’s sweet words and affectionate touches had the walls crumbling a little despite Bucky’s best defenses. “Careful.” he teased with a pang of truth to his words, “You’re gonna ruin me for all other men, you keep this up.” 

Steve chuckled and kissed the top of Bucky’s head yet again. There were so many things he wanted to say in that moment. Raw, honest things that ached in his chest. But Steve kept them inside, not willing to let down his guard so completely just yet. He still didn’t really know what he was doing but damned if he wasn’t loving every second of it so far. 

“Come on you, let’s get dressed.” Bucky said finally, tugging Steve’s hand into his and leading him back down the hall.

Steve left shortly after they’d redressed and cleaned up the mess from their lunch. It was a long, drawn out goodbye in the doorway, neither one of them really wanting to part despite knowing they both had to get on with their usual Sunday routines. Steve promised to text Bucky once he’d made it home, insisting he would have no trouble carrying his tote and box on the subway. And then he was off down the hall, looking back just once before he got on the elevator and wishing he could have stayed. Bucky walked over to his glass balcony door, watching the street below as Steve crossed it heading toward the nearest subway station. He was trying not to get too attached but after the day they’d spent together, Bucky knew it was a losing battle.

[heysnowflake]

Deep Questions Tag

1.       What’s one thing you’d like to change about yourself?

If I had to choose, probably the fact that I overthink everything? Though it does come in handy, it normally just stresses me out.

2.       Are you religious? If yes, what is your religion?

I am agnostic. My belief personally is that anything is possible. I will put faith into believing everything until it is proven otherwise. I respect everyone’s beliefs of course, but I’ll admit that there are some people out there who are so completely ignorant and don’t believe in anything. And I just think that’s a sad life to live, personally. What’s life without wonder?  

3.       What was the best phase in your life? And what was the worst?

2015-2016 were probably the worst two years of my life, looking back. And I think 2012-2013 were the best.

4.       Are you the person you’d be when you were little?

To be honest, I’m constantly chasing my idealistic self. When I was younger, I pictured myself as who I was when I was 18. But when I was 18, I pictured myself as who I am now. And now, I feel like I am really close, but not quite there. I feel like it will always be that way.

5.       Who is one person you would talk to about anything?

The one person who matters the most to me: my best friend

6.       Have you ever lost someone close to you?

I lost my two dogs that I grew up with from age 4 in the span of two months- that was brutal. Then, a couple of years ago, a friend of mine passed away. That was difficult too. I still have his top he lent me one time.

7.       Have you ever had your heart broken? Have you ever broken someone else’s heart? As someone who has never been dumped, I’ve always been the one to break up with the person, I feel like I must have broken at least one heart, thought they have never said anything to me. I personally have never had my heart broken by a guy. But my spirit? Absolutely.

8.       Do you believe in second chances?

Yes. I think you’d be ignorant not to. Unless they had done something truly unforgivable.

9.       What’s one thing people always misunderstand about you?

Because of the way I portray myself, people always assume that I’m always OK. And most of the time, that is true. But there are periods when I am truly down and only a couple of people in my life can actually notice that. I try to stay positive as much as I can, stay organised, do well, but that doesn’t always mean that I’m OK 100% of the time.

10.   What is your biggest regret in life?

Not being a good friend a couple of years ago.

11.   What things are standing between you and your complete happiness?

The hours that I work. I genuinely adore my job. In so many ways, it’s my perfect job. However, at the moment, it is all I do. Literally. Tonight will be the first time I have seen my one friend that I have in two months, and she lives a five minute drive away. Over the Christmas period, I will be sitting down with my boss and working this out in a way that can benefit both of us, because I don’t want to leave. But if things carry on the way they are, I can’t stay.

12.   If you lost everything important to you tomorrow, whose arms would you run into in order to make everything OK?

My mum’s.

13.   Does the most important person in your life know how much they mean to you?

I’d like to think they do. Because I tell them every day.

14.   If you could send a message to the entire world, what would you say to everyone?

I would tell them “You’re not alone. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Just be nice, it’s so easy.”

15.   If you were going to die tomorrow, what would you spend doing today?

I would firstly cuddle my dogs, laugh with my mum, have a deep conversation with my best friend and tell my dad thank you.

16.   How would you describe yourself in five words?

Bubbly, overthinker, sarcastic, bottler & curly.

17.   What opportunities have you not taken that you regretted not taking?

I think I’ve actually taken every opportunity I’ve been given, I’m not usually one to say no.

18.   What would you do differently if you knew no one would judge you?

I would sing louder.  

19.   If you could ask one person a single question and they had to answer 100% truthfully, who would ask and what would you ask them?

I would ask my best friends’ parents what they think of me now compared to how I used to be.

20.   If you could start your life over, what would you do differently?

Probably study for exams earlier.

21.   Are you currently holding onto something that you need to let go of?

Not at the moment, I’ve literally just let go of everything I’ve had bottled up in the last few weeks.

22.   Are you living or just existing? How do you know?

At this time in my life, I feel like I’m just existing but starting to remember to live again. I think you know you’re not living when you’re not being inspired by things and inspired to do things.

23.   What was the last thing you did that was really worth remembering?

Going to Disneyland when I was 21.

24.   What do you want most of life?

To experience, to be stable in all aspects and to move into my own place with my best friend.

25.   If you had one year left to live, what would you want to do in the next 12 months?

If money weren’t an issue, I would travel all around the world with my best friend, experiencing everything life has to offer. Ending it in Disneyland.

26.   If you could get one wish to come true, what would that wish be?

The same wish I always wish for: for my brother to be cured of his autism.

27.   When you think of home, what comes to mind?

My floor carpeted by dogs.

28.   What scares you the most?

Failure.

29.   What is your greatest strength? What is your greatest weakness?

Strength: being able to see the good in even the worst situations and be able to argue both sides of the case, Weakness: overthinking

30.   What did life teach you yesterday?

That you need to live it.

31.   What have you done in the past week to make someone’s life better?

I got one of the dogs I look after to finally eat more food after being so poorly and my boss was really grateful.

32.   What makes me special?

The same thing that makes everyone special: there’s no one else like me.

33.   What was a time that you did not speak but should have?

I should have told the police as soon as I was raped but didn’t. And now five years later, I’m living with those consequences and only a handful of people in my life know.

34.   What would you want the next five years of your life to be like in a single sentence?

Full of milestones, hard work paying off, laughter, and nights to remember.

35.   If you knew when, where and how you were going to die, would your life be better or worse?

Probably better. Because knowing when would mean I could live life to its fullest with no fear or worry.

36.   What would life look like for you if you never wasted another minute of it?

I’d probably have a driving licence and a tidier room.

37.   Do you consider yourself to the be the villain or hero of your story?

I think I’m the anti-hero of this story.

38.   How much do you love yourself?

Currently, the most that I have ever have.

39.   What or who have you given up on?

Most men. I’m sorry to the decent guys left but most of your gender is pulling you down.

40.   Who are you really? Deep down, who are you really?

In reality, to my core, I am a woman who often forgets to be a woman and is just taking life as it comes, one day at a time.

[wxldchxld]

Every third question for our favorite fox

Oh y’all better buckle up.

003. Does your character like coffee better, or tea?

Beck’s not allowed to have coffee. The world isn’t ready for that degree of energy. But also she just enjoys tea better.

006. What sense do they most rely on?

It depends on the form she’s currently in. For instance in hawk form it’s definitely sight, fox form most of it’s hearing, bear form it’s smell. In her human form idk if she relies on this the most but she’s probably at least the most aware of her sense of sight?

009. Do they believe in happy endings?

Sure. She’s not really the Debbie Downer type, and she fully believes she could have been truly happy with Harper if not for her penchant for self-indulgence and her overwhelming anxiety when it comes to conforming to society.

012. What makes your character embarrassed?

I’m not super sure this is a feeling Beck has tbh XD. I have a whole headcanon about this somewhere that I’ll link if you can find it. But like, it’s near impossible to embarrass Beck.

015. Are they most likely to fight with their fists or their tongue?

Beck’s not very likely to fight at all. She loves to stir shit up and rile people that she doesn’t like especially (or ones she wants to fuck lmfao), but when things turn into a real fight even if it’s just an argument, Beck’s more likely to head for the door. She dislikes confrontation. It makes her very uncomfortable.

018. Your character wakes up to find that war has been declared. What do they do?

Probably leave. If leaving it’s an option she’ll keep her head down until she has to do something. Like I said Beck doesn’t do fighting unless her back is to the wall and she has no choice. If she had to take some sort of role in a war it would probably be more espionage related.

021. How do they display affection?

All of the ways. TBH Beck is very affectionate even to her friends. Most prominently she wants to touch you and be touched. She’s very touch motivated. But she’ll also make things like knitting scarves and hats or cook food for her loved ones. She spends a lot of time with that person rather than running off into the woods constantly. She’ll sing to you a lot. And basically she’ll just kind of actually listen to you and respect you. Like if you tell her something to do she’ll do it rather than being an asshole.

024. What do they consider ugly in others physically?

Beck’s not super down with bodily hair. It’s one of the big reasons that even tho she’s bi she doesn’t fuck a lot of dudes. She’s never understood why women’s hair is supposedly gross and men can just grow a fur pelt on their legs/arms/chest/underarms and no one says shit. She’s a million times more likely to sleep with a man who shaves. 

She also just finds a general lack of hygiene to be a real turn off. Beck makes it a point, even living in the woods, even without the constant use of magic, to look presentable. She doesn’t like people that look nasty. Wash your hair. Take a bath. Brush your teeth. Otherwise she’s taking a hard pass.

027. What is their idea of perfect happiness?

Beck’s idea of perfect happiness is finding someone who will live with her and travel with her and they can be wild wanderers and roam the world together unburdened by people. Where her familiars are happy and safe and she’s free.

030. Do they believe in the afterlife?

Sort of? Witch opinions vary just as much as ours when it comes to what happens to you after you die, with each theory holding a significant amount of weight. Beck’s in the unique position where she doesn’t often thing about it, because she knows her “death” it’s really going to be a thing. As a feral witch her life, unless abruptly ended through murder, is going to end with her spirit being reclaimed by the wilds, and never returning to the world of men or the life she knew before.

033. Do they keep their promises?

Beck generally doesn’t make promises. If she does, whether or not she keeps them depends on who you are to her. She’s a liar and a manipulator and a con-woman, of course she’s going to break promises. When she makes a witch’s deal (something she can’t break) she makes sure only to make them if they’re stacked in her favor and she’s able to fuck someone over if the desire strikes her.

Beck does try to keep promises she makes to people she genuinely likes. Like there are a couple of promises she made to Fen when they were kids, and even though he’s been warped and changed over the years, she still keeps her promises to him, even though he can’t hold her to them.

036. How honorable is your character?

….I mean not really at all.

039. What do they think is the worst thing that can be done to a person?

Imprisonment, probably? Or being forced to change who they really are.

042. What is their greatest achievement?

She’s a very good shifter and a decent dream walker. These are both abilities she was born with, sure, but having any control over your dream walking takes a lot of time and practice, and most witches never learn to take the form of anything aside from their clan symbol.

045. Does your character have any chronic medical conditions?

Not really

048. Do they have any allergies?

She often claims to be allergic to people who annoy her but that’s 100 percent not true and she’s allergy free. Witches on the whole tend to be very healthy creatures.

051. If they knew they would die tomorrow, what would they do today?

Probably contact Fenris and Harper and Cora and her amma. Mostly Fenris and Harper, because there’s still a lot unsaid between them. She’d want to say goodbye to Cora and her amma, but one of her greatest fears is dying without talking to her brother one last time and letting him know some things. Harper isn’t as dire to where it causes her anxiety to even entertain the thought that she might die without having one last talk, but if she KNEW she was dying, she’d want to try and give Harper closure, to let her know their fall out wasn’t Harper’s fault, and to tell her that she still loved her.

054. Does your character want power or authority of any kind?

Nah. Beck’s attracted to women that have both power and authority, but that’s just her type. Beck herself really has no interest in being in charge of anything. That’s too much responsibility. And the only power she needs is the power to do what she wants—which she has.

057. Has your character ever killed anyone?

It depends on the verse. In her verse for t100 yes she has killed and more than once. Each time was out of self defense and she had no other options.

060. What is your character’s attitude toward education and learning?

As an educator myself her attitude toward education is frustratingly apathetic. She was so severely neglected as a child that paired with her dyslexia she never really learned how to read beyond some very basic shit. Math was always frustrating for her. Service was hell for Beck because when it comes to reading spell books she’s useless, and she’s not particularly interested in learning spells she doesn’t feel will be of use to her. So like, she’ll encourage other people if they want to get an education, but she’s going to take a pass.

063. How well does your character handle difficult people?

Fairly well? I guess it depends on the type of difficult. Like I have a verse with @lcgioned where Beck’s life goal seems to annoy Lexa into an early grave, and yet she gets along with post-dictator Octavia just fine. Beck doesn’t really have a temper, and she doesn’t really do fights, so it’s hard to be too difficult for her. She just kind of rolls with it. 

The kind of person she really struggles with is the one that wants her to conform. The one that tells her she can’t act that way or scolds her because her behavior reflects poorly on them. If Beck doesn’t already like that person, for example she’s more than willing to behave to make Asha look good in my verse with @ashayara, then they can fuck off. Respect from Beck, in large part, comes from affection, and she doesn’t just listen to people because she should or she was told to. She won’t be controlled and micromanaged, so in order to curb her less desirable habits you have to be smart and endear her to you so that she’ll care about what you think. Because in general she doesn’t care how people see her. She doesn’t care if they think she’s strange or crazy, she’s living her gd life and it’s not their business.

066. Does your character prefer city life or being out in nature?

Nature. She doesn’t even tolerate cities well. They make her irritated and sometimes, if she’s subjected to them long enough, physically ill from all the anxiety they cause.

069. What about your character is heroic?

Hahahahahahahahahahaha………. I don’t know?????? I’m so sorry. I don’t see anything about Beck as heroic. Beck won’t like, stand by and let you murder a child or something horrendous if it’s like, right there in front of her. Like if she’s faced with something that she can put a stop to without it being too much of a risk to herself or her familiars she’ll do it, but Beck isn’t going out of her way to help people because it’s the “right” thing to do and she’s rarely going to put herself in danger unless it’s someone she loves on the line.

072. In a Dungeons & Dragons game, which class would your character be? (wizard, fighter, bard, priest, ranger, etc.)

I have never played D&D, so I honestly couldn’t answer this? I would assume either a wizard or a ranger just from what the name sounds like, but Idk.

075. Is your character ticklish?

Very and in all forms so think on that for a good while.

078. How emotionally stable is your character?

Beck lives in a stone fortress of denial that can only fall if you hit her with some major shit. Like she’s obstinately, often unshakably happy. Even if she slips for a few seconds, even in the worst and weirdest situations, she’ll turn around and be a smiling, ball of sunshine after a few seconds to gather herself.

Of course she does have a history of abuse, and especially in verses like ours she’s going through a lot, so she isn’t on as firm a footing as normal, but Beck’s not easy to shake in general.

081. Is your character religious?

Not really? Which is strange because she’s nominally a priestess to her people. But it’s more of a cultural thing. Like, witches in and of themselves don’t worship gods per se, but they hold their traditions and myths and stories in an almost religious regard. It’s very strange, I have a couple of deeper headcanons on it, but to make it kind of simple: Beck isn’t at all what we would likely call “religious” in our society.

084. Describe your character in one word.

If I’m being serious? Asshole. If I’m being nice? Witch.

087. How would your character describe themself in three words?

“One Foxy Lady”

090. How bodily expressive is your character?

I’m… not super sure what this means. If it means is she like, an animated person to talk to then yes. Unless she’s specifically trying to stay calm and use that to influence the emotions of something else, Beck’s never still. She’s almost kind of dizzying to talk to not because she moves in any crazy, major way, but just because it never stops.

093. What is your character’s goal in life?

To be free.

096. How do they move and carry themselves? What energy do they project?

Beck’s energy is best described as “a lot.” She’s got a big presence and like I just mentioned, she’s very active and animated. She doesn’t walk around slumped over, shy, or ashamed of herself. Unless she’s specifically trying to like fade into a crowd, she’s generally someone who grabs the eye because she’s confident and active and engaging to deal with and it’s almost overbearing over long periods of time.

099. Do they talk to inanimate objects?

She’s got a weird concept of inanimate. Like, in her world there are spirits all over the place, and they have a varying degree of sentience depending on the spirits, their age, their type, and the population density. So she’ll compliment a waterfall on how lovely it’s looking today but a small part of her thinks that like the spirits in the area take note of that and enjoy it even if they’re only semi-sentient. She struggles with seeing how those things aren’t transferable to stuff like computers and cellphones. In cities where most of the natural, open spirits that interact with everything without their own ulterior motives have been driven out, there aren’t any “cell phone” or “computer” spirits, but she’s so in the habit of it that (generally when she’s frustrated she’ll forget) she’ll curse at them or ascribe motive to something an inanimate object is doing.

Harper once bought Beck an extremely expensive sports car, only to immediately sell it after Beck amassed 4 speeding tickets in a month and got her license suspended because, as Beck put it, “the car wanted to go fast.”

[lovetheangelshadow]

N'Pressions: Lion King 2019

So before I begin the review I wanted to briefly touch on my history with the Lion King. The Lion King was one of the biggest movies of my life. I still have almost all of my toys and I was obsessed with that film for years. It was basically my Frozen and not to brag but I personally think Lion King is a better film than Frozen for reasons other than nostalgia. Even as an adult and aware of the whole Kimba controversy and being aware of the flaws in the film it’s still one of my favorite movies of all time. There is a LOT the movie does right  even from just a former animation student’s perspective: use of color, character design, and sound all to convey a story that still holds up to this day. So yeah it would make sense that Disney would put it in their remake list. Except, this film did not take any risks. Say what you will about Maleficent, or Aladdin, or even the Alice movies at least they tried something new even if it did not always work. Heck even with Aladdin they had Jafar be a former street rat who had ambition and clawed and killed his way to the top and even taunts that in front of Aladdin. You could essentially had Jafar be a dark reflection of Aladdin showing the dangers of ambition without restraint and could have spun something around that instead of the less than intimidating and sometimes whiny sorcerer we got. Then again you could argue the Aladdin TV series had already gave us that with Mozenrath. Even the broadway version gave you more than just the cliffnotes from the film. Such as a scene showing Timon in danger from falling off a waterfall and Simba being actual PTSD about the gorge incident which leads to the song Endless Night. Or the Madness of King Scar with Scar trying to talk himself up into denial of his own misery…and hitting on a teen lioness. Yeah I know she was technically an adult but it was still creepy. And sure Disney has constantly messed with the timeline of this story with Simba’s Pride, 1 & ½, and Lion Guard but they were for the most part pretty decent spin offs. More on that later.

            The animation is stellar with the CGI looking almost exactly like real animals and the environments feeling real and part of the world the characters inhabit them in. The problem is that they stay too far on that end and it hurts the film. Even for the original movie they were aware of the natural color palettes and even admitted that they had to cheat a little here and there to make characters stand out or give the setting a wider range of hues to work with. Zebra stripes might be a little more blue, antelopes a bit more red, or giraffes more closer to golden tones. And I was not expecting the CG version to do that, but at least it could have been done with the main cast. Yeah I know it’s the “spot the protagonist” cliché that we joke about all the time with anime, but it really needed to be here. Lion King is a very character driven story. It’s not a documentary. You could have cheated with the colors just a little and no one would have been upset about it. Even in the Broadway version where the characters were represented by robes and masks instead of four footed fursuits, no one complained. And there is also the expressions. You really needed clear expression for this film and funnily enough there have been videos rising up showing the kind of expressions that animals can make. I get that Favreau thought the Jungle Book models were too human; but you would have gotten away with that in Jungle Book-but not for the Lion King. 80% of this film relies heavily on emotion and it would have been perfectly okay so cheat here. I want to bring up another realistic animal movie here for comparison: The Owls of Ga’Hoole. And I admit the film isn’t perfect either but it hits a lot of similar beats and moods of the Lion King; minus the sing of course. The movie has owls that are very close to their realistic counterparts save for maybe the eyes and the flexibility of their beaks for dialog. But it is very clear when Sorren is feeling fear, joy, hope, or anger. It is clear from the expression alone of Nyra’s royal and cunning nature. Also the designs of the birds are distinct from one another. Like from a glance there are marked differences between Sorren, Kludd, and Nyra and they’re all barn owls. The environments have unique color tones to them despite being more naturalistic environments like the Pride Lands. Even the Aladdin remake understood this with its costume designs and settings. Though Disney seems to have issues of late properly lighting dark locations of late making it very hard to see what’s going on. Guys, it’s okay to cheat a little with the lighting. You don’t have to be 100% natural.

Unfortunately the voice acting isn’t that stellar either. And it’s not to say that the cast can’t act. A lot of the people in the cast list are stellar performers in their own right, but here it feels like they were just reading the script without additional takes. It’s not the worst voice acting I’ve seen for a professional piece, but it is something that is another nail in the coffin. Honestly a much more improved voice reading would have at least helped in somewhat making up for the lack of facial animation. True sometimes in the original the acting fell flat, but it was quick enough that you wouldn’t really have noticed it unless you were looking for it. The best actors for the film would be Billy Eichner (Timon), Seth Rogan (Pumbaa), and John Oliver (Zazu). For the most part they did what the restricted animation did not and sounded like they actually were giving it their best for this movie even if they weren’t the stars of the story. Even Chiwetel Ejiofor’s Scar could have worked if they had done a few more takes. While not as deviously snide or royally condensing as Jeremy Irons but it was clear they were going for someone who was not happy with his lower position and could play act the caring uncle while still feeling superior if they pushed that a little more. Also they were the best part of the movie. The only musical number save for Circle of Life that I liked was their version of the Lion Sleeps Tonight.

Then we get to the cutting of some of the best scenes in the movie. I can forgive the hyena bickering scene before Be Prepared since they kinda do that already with Shenzei pointing out Scar isn’t king and can’t give them what they desire for. I’ll give a pass to Zazu not singing he coconuts song and the hyena’s showing dissent at the lack of food. But I will not overlook the Rafiki hitting Simba with a stick scene OR Mufasa’s ghost. Why didn’t you form the clouds into Mufasa, huh? It’s a scene that just about everyone knows more than anything out of the movie and you barely do anything? Just some vague lightning strikes that resemble him? No! I can overlook so much else, but I will NOT forgive THAT. Remember when I said about the other films messing with the timeline even worse than Endgame? Well you could have easily used those to give the film it’s own unique edge. Why not have Zira be a character in the film and show there is a split of alliance between the pride? She doesn’t even have to be a major player, but just enough to show rifts among the lionesses as the situation of the pride lands worsens. Or since they brought up the long war between hyenas and lions and how the elephant graveyard was once a lush environment until the hyenas ate it to the ground and play a little more on that like Serabi trying to get through to Scar this is why they kept the hyenas out. Or even have one or two hyenas such as Kamari and Azizi start rethinking their situation though they still turn on Scar when he sells them out. Heck even in the original they were aware of the problem; just not that THEY were the cause. Or even the scenes from the Broadway show I mentioned earlier.

Overall, it’s not a fun experience though it is not the worst I’ve been through. It’s still down there with films like Where the Wild Things Are and Digimon Tri-but doesn’t have my full visceral hatred. Save for one movie that is a rare feeling for me. But it made lots of money because we’re stupid about that and is going to keep on coming. For me there is only one other film currently that they could make worse, but I’m not holding my breath. I’m Noctina Noir, and was so not prepared for this.

[iamnotbrianmay]

The A Experience

Chapter 6

Okay I hope you like this chapter because I realised that last chapter was definetly NOT a good segway into what's happening here. I was just trying not to give away too much of why Roger stumbled into Brian's profile and I realised way to late that I hadn't included ENOUGH. I try to make up for it tho.

Leave me your thoughts!

Mercury: sorry for taking so long

Mercury: my boss can be a bitch sometimes

Roger chuckled and shut the phone off. He took a long drag from his electric cigarette, letting the raspberry taste linger in his mouth before exhaling. A little kid shot him a glare from the other side of the courtyard and Roger couldn’t help but feel a little bit guilty. He didn’t stop though, he just made a smoke ring the next time the kid caught him smoking.

The blond boy’s glare lessened and guilt hit Roger like a train. He quickly stuffed his cigarette in his pocket and took his phone, checking if Freddie had finished his shift already.

“Has anyone ever told you how ridiculously white you look when you some an electric cigarette?”

Roger looked up and found Freddie staring down at him, smirking, “Seriously Roger, you could at least strive to be a little more than a basic white girl.”

Roger rolled his eyes and smiled, “What if I don’t?”

“Your loss, I guess.” Freddie, shrugged and sat on the chair in front of Roger. “So tell me darling, how well can you drum?”

“Straight to the point?”

Freddie nodded and Roger smiled, thanking god for phones, and took out the three hundred different videos of himself drumming. He even showed Freddie the ones were he messed up, the ones were he messed around with well known solos, and the ones were he had to stop playing because of his drumsticks snapping in half or flying off.

He was not perfect, far from it actually. But he knew he was good. A few more years of drumming and maybe he could even get to be great, which was Roger’s wet dream ever since he had started drumming. He had tried so hard to get somewhere, and he had been getting with his current band, but something just told him that maybe the band wasn’t going to be the timeless wonder he was hoping they could get to be.

“Are you free?” Freddie asked, locking Roger’s phone, “I mean, are you band-less?”

He grimaced, “No, but I wouldn’t mind leaving, if that’s your next question.”

“What’s the name of your band?”

Roger took his Juul out, taking a drag before answering Freddie. Ready for the mocking he dejectedly answered, “ Humpy Bong.”

Freddie, bless his soul, didn’t laugh. Or well he tried to, until Roger told him it was okay to laugh. He, too, hated the name Tim had picked for them at the beginning of the band.

“Can you imagine my face when he told me?” Roger complained, “No one will take us seriously, yet he seems to believe that a name like Humpy Bong can make it to the Billboard Hot 100.”

Freddie laughed at Roger’s misfortune, and kept laughing when he told him about the other member of the band wholeheartedly agreeing with Tim about the name of the band.

“And the worst part? After having to stand being known as Roger Taylor for Humpy Bong and playing songs that, I honest to god, could play in my sleep, they have the audacity to, you know, sneakily imply that they have found a better drummer. A guy named Colin Petersen or something like that-- I really don’t care. I just want the asshat gone.”

Freddie grew quiet and serious, for a second Roger was afraid that this Colin whatever was a friend of Freddie’s, but then the older man surprised him, “Would you mind playing with a band called Queen ?”

Roger blinked.

Maybe the cold was affecting his ability to process information. Or maybe he had ordered a pod for his Juul with something other than nicotine. But Freddie looked deadly serious, and Roger wondered if that was what a miracle looked like.

“You have heard our songs, haven’t you?”

Roger thumbed his cellphone wondering if Freddie had somehow looked through his phone and found the excited text he had sent his sister when he saw Brian’s profile on Tinder. Or his embarrassing playlist made up of Queen’s only album, Smile , titled ‘<3’.

Or even worse, Roger worried that the older man had somehow found out that the reason he had started liking Queen was because Mr Lee, otherwise known as Roger’s godfather, had taken Roger to his bar to watch the performance of  one of his bartenders. Roger had fallen in love, and had done his fair share of stalking, until he had stumbled with Brian’s profile by accident.

“How did you know?”

Freddie shrugged, “Light stalking is one of my passions, darling.”

Roger grimaced for the second time that day, “Don’t tell Brian.”

Freddie made a cross on top of his heart, “My mouth is shut, I promise.”

He relaxed, leaning on the table and looking at Freddie with a small smile, “I didn’t know you were looking for a drummer.”

He lied, even though he had clearly heard Deacy said otherwise. But other than that he had honestly never thought about Queen needing a drummer. Or well, maybe he hadn’t been paying enough attention. With his sole focus being the guitarist he had hardly ever paid attention to the other members of the band, so little in fact that he had almost forgotten about Freddie and John the night that Brian had brought him back to their apartment.  

“Well,” Freddie took the Juul that Roger had left on the table and took a drag, “our drummers are good, but their not unique, you know?”

Roger nodded, and Freddie kept talking, “Kelly tends to repeat herself a lot when writing songs and Richie, well, I can’t have someone who keeps asking me if I like what they are doing every five seconds.”

“So you want a new drummer?” Roger asked.

“Yes,” Freddie said, “Someone with spark.”

Any other moment, any other time, Roger would have jumped at the idea of joining a decent band like Queen. Of finally making enough money out off ad revenue and spotify streams to afford a new sweater. Of being recognised as Roger Taylor of Queen rather than Roger Taylor of Humpy Bong. But in his current situation he could very clearly see why he couldn’t do that. Why he couldn’t scream at Freddie for being the best person in the planet.

That prospect alone, the idea of not being able to be part of Queen because he had first thought about getting into Brian’s pants, nearly made him cry.

He had already been feeling guilty about what he had been doing three days ago when Brian had told him that the dinner wouldn’t be for another three weeks. He had been so ready to cut off things before they got too out of hand and his infatuation for the guitarist became something a little bit more tangible than just a post on instagram, but when Brian looked at him with those hazel eyes of his and sad smile Roger couldn’t help but be selfish. And here he was again, being selfish and an overall shitty person.

“What about Brian and me?”

Freddie raised his eyebrows, “What about it?”

“Wouldn’t it be a problem?” He knew it was a stupid question the moment it left his mouth, Freddie and John were together and as far as he knew they were dating.

The problem, however, was that he and Brian weren’t dating. Just pretending.

“Ridiculous,” Freddie answered, “I’m not that much of a hypocrite.”  

There was a second of silence and then the older man continued, “But, if it worries you that much, we can always have a band meeting.”

Roger nodded, relieved at the prospect of a band meeting, knowing that Brian was sure to shoot down any ridiculous idea that Freddie proposed. Freddie’s smile widened, and he was quick to fish out his phone and start typing in what Roger believed to be a group chat. He took his phone out and quickly texted Brian.

Taylor: i think we may have a problem

He expectantly watched as Brian’s status changed from last seen 11:45 am to online and then to typing…

May: What happened?

Roger tries to explain the situation as fast as he can, but the numbness of his fingers from the cold and the pressure of Freddie talking to Roger again and making him stop typing is too much. He barely manages a coherent message, to which Brian replies;

May: What?

Before typing a much more eloquent,  

May: Oh, I understand now. That’s definitely not good.

Roger groans in frustration, “Seriously, will Brian ever stop texting with perfect grammar?”

Freddie looks up from his phone, dark hair framing his face and rolls his eyes, “It’s infuriating, isn't it?”

“Really fucking so,” Roger vents, “I almost expect him to sign his name at the end of every text. It’s like I’m trying to date my grandpa .”

“Oh, I wouldn’t be surprised if he ever did that,” Freddie mumbled, “that’s why I refuse to let him anywhere near our instagram posts.”

May: Sent 1 Photo

May: Definitely not good.

Roger opens the image wearily and nearly groans when he reads the text messages that Brian had screenshotted. It was a conversation in, what Roger assumed, was Queen’s group chat. Freddie said something about having found their permanent drummer, John asking if he had finally managed to convince Roger to be part of their group, and then dozens of emojis once Freddie replied that, yes, he had convinced Roger to join them.

May: What should we do?

Roger bit his lip.

Taylor: whens the next gig Taylor: ???

Brian went offline and Roger had to convince himself not to scream in annoyance. He put down his phone, not before turning on the notifications for when Brian decided to text him back and looked at Freddie, who was staring at him with joy in his eyes.

“They said yes!”

Roger had to feign excitement, “Holy shit! They said yes?”

Freddie nodded, “The next gig is so far away Roger, we will have time to rehearse, get to know each other more-- God this couldn’t be more perfect.”

Roger smiled, “When’s the gig?”

Freddie frowned, staying quiet for a second before answering, “The Sunday after our Christmas dinner.”

The monkey part of Roger’s brain started chanting about the plan he had been brewing ever since he had laid eyes in Brian. Seduce him , it screamed, make him fall in love with you and never leave your side.

The rational part just sighed sadly. He knew this was wrong. He knew that in many ways this was like a musician’s worst nightmare. To have a creepy random dude who was unhealthily obsessed with your guitar skills try to be your significant other sounded like hell. Even more so when the person had been lying about never having heard of the band in his life.

He smiled at Freddie as gleefully as he could and then excused himself to make a call. He had made up his mind the moment he clicked on Brian’s contact name and pressed call. Roger would just have to appreciate the three weeks ahead of him before he never saw Brian or any of the other members of Queen again.

“The gig is after the Christmas dinner.”

Roger smirked, “I know, and that gave me the best idea I have had in awhile.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Mhm,” Roger hummed, “Brian, babe, how into the idea of making a terribly big scene in front of your friends are you?”

Brian made a noise at the back of his throat, “Not very into the idea if I’m being honest. But then again, when do I ever get the choice to do what I’m comfortable with?”

Please tell me how you felt about this chapter!

I'm not feeling to great about it.

Also, please tell me if you like the texting thing, I don't know if it makes the fanfic feel like one of those 2010 cringey wattapd fics with cheesy dialogue and bad writing.

(If you haven't noticed, I'm starting to feel a little bit too self consicous about my writing now that I have such a large audience)

Okay, onto the tag list! Hope you are not dissapointed! @seven-seas-of-why, @twotitsjohndeacon, @dancindeaky, @gee-uloser, @mozzarellamazzello, @mozzie-s, @deracine-dogma-deux, @shutupanddontjudge, @warping-reality, @demianhill

[lapis-lazuliie]

why eggscellent is the best rs episode

so you all know this episode is my #1 favourite in the entire show, and nothing you can say will change my mind. below i’ve written a pretty long, almost detailed, reasoning of why i hold this one in particular so close to my heart and i would put it under a read more, but again, tumblr on mobile is complete horseshit

so lets get on w/ the “review/rant/opinion piece” ;

i’m going to start at the argument scene between benson and mordecai. what i love most about it is how well recognised it is. i don’t exactly know how to put it bc of course it was “”“well recognised”“” since jg himself wrote the entire episode but…..it’s just such a tense moment already, and it becomes suddenly Worse when mordecai socks benson in the face

the entire argument between them is so emotionally charged and you’re not given a moment to ‘breathe’ until the next scene rolls over of mordecai ordering the omelette. the episode definitely deserved its’ emmy, but that scene ALONE is worth a lot of praise. it was so well written and it’s crystal clear jg /loved/ those two characters in particular

honestly……and i have absolutely no qualms typing this……..i truly think a flip switched on the show after this episode

for the first two seasons, it was really the viewers learning about who these characters are and the world built around them; us seeing the hilarious banter between mordecai and rigby (and others lol), and sure the first few episodes of the 3rd season did that, but when eggscellent aired…….it was an entirely different ballgame

the core of the show is really mordecai and rigby’s friendship; we see their antics through seasons 1 + 2 where it just exists w/ a lot of hilarity in the situations they get in. but nothing actually happened to showcase that friendship (and their characters) propery until ‘eggscellent’, where we were introduced to a truly dire situation where their relationship and mordecai’s character were put on complete display

in the earlier seasons, rigbys defining trait was that he fucks around and doesn’t bother with the backlash from it. mordecai’s defining trait was recognising the responsibility put on him and using that…….(there’s probably a better, more obvious trait, sorry but it illustrates my point plus it’s like 12:30am right now and i just want to get this out of my system lmao….)

in the episode, these traits take an absolute turning point in that it’s not all fun and games anymore; rigby does a completely idiotic thing that lands him in a coma and mordecai makes absolutely no hesitation in stepping up to the plate and making the right decision by doing what rigby now can’t

yes rigby still does fuck up in episodes (and seasons) after this and mordecai still has to stick up for him sometimes but that situation obviously made their friendship a whole lot stronger, and it made the audience extremely aware of the lengths mordecai will go for somebody he deeply cares about…..and that trait was shown countless times after this through various episodes. it made us come to the realisation of how important rigby is to mordecai and had us love their friendship even more bc of what mordecai was willing to do for him

bensons defining trait is his inability to put up with bullshit, namely mordecai and rigby’s bullshit. just as he comes to learn rigby could possibly not wake up from the coma, his IMMEDIATE understanding of the situation is “this is what your idiotic behaviour gets you. this is what happens when you don’t listen to me and this is a perfect fucking learning curve for you two”. and while mordecai can understand this to a certain extent, he still has no hesitation in punching him straight in the face for it bc now is not the time to bring this shit up, especially in the worst fucking situation imagineable and their argument starts from there before mordecai walks out

being on the outskirts of this relationship, benson only witnesses a fraction of mordecai’s caring nature for rigby. but what he doesn’t see or at least doesn’t exactly consider is the absolute compassion and responsibility mordecai feels when faced w/ a scenario where their screwing around takes on an entirely different set of circumstances. and it still doesn’t comprehend bc he’s never fully grasped the idea of them being two seperate people. yes he knows mordecai is capable of responsiblity, moreso than rigby, but it’s somewhat easier for him to simply jam them together because a majority of the dangerous shit caused around the park is always their fault. mordecai could easily blab to benson a lot of the time, but bc of his basic dedication to staying by rigby’s side, he chooses not to, and so benson really has no choice BUT to see them as a unit no matter the situation they find themselves in

a lot of what benson’s about is work and that’s very clearly shown to us from the get go. it’s who he /is/, he’s the boss at the park and that’s all we really get to see of him (until the first few episodes of s3 where we’re given some honest insight into who he used to be and currently is), so of course he holds a certain expectation for the employees who work under him. he expects rigby to do this shitty thing and pay for the aftermath later. he expects mordecai to follow along and pick up the pieces that’ve been dropped by him

bc he’s grown so used to their daily fuck ups, it comes as no surprise to him that rigby lands himself in the hospital from an absolutely idiotic decision he was consciously aware of making. and bc benson is so strongly aware of this, he has the absolute gall to turn around and tell mordecai exactly why this has happened; because they skipped on work

to reiterate: he wants the two to come away from this knowing that a very real and terrifying thing has suddenly come about because they didn’t do their fucking jobs. and this is the exact kind of shit benson had been trying to avoid since hiring them. to him, this was GOING to happen. this was inevitable

these characters and their relationships have already been so well established that having a situation between them suddenly be cranked all the way to 11 is of course going to call for some incredibly needed development; not only does mordecai physically lash out at benson, he also verbally attacks him too by admitting to him that nobody truly cares for him beyond the general boss/employee relationship. it’s extremely harsh and is said in such a cold way that we’re just sat there wondering when benson’s going to speak his mind again to counter with him

but he doesn’t. of course he doesn’t. and why? bc that punch to the face and those verbal insults were a fucking wake up call. in all the time he’s known mordecai, this is the very first instance where he sees firsthand just how mordecai takes on the emotional backlash from shit like this. and he stands there and takes it because he knows mordecai is 100% in the right in his actions and his words; and even if he isn’t, benson takes it on anyway bc mordecai has every fucking right to react like this from being fed such a ballsy piece of bullshit in an incredibly extreme situation that shouldn’t call for this whatsoever

it’s in mordecai’s exact reaction that benson’s logical, “no bullshit’ attitude comes to a grinding halt and he’s suddenly forced to take a step back and really come to terms with seeing mordecai for who he truly is without rigby by his side for the very first time since he’s known him. it’s mordecai’s raw devotion and love for the people he cares about, in this case: rigby, that causes benson to come to the gradual understanding of how much he truly fucked up in saying what he had before

in an earlier s3 episode, benson tries unsuccesfully to get rid of a stick hockey game mordecai and rigby find holed up in the garage. though the two want to know why he’s so against them playing it, we’re not exactly told much of anything until close to the end of the episode, where it’s revealed to us that benson used to be a stick hockey champion and had taken a young apprentice under his wing by the name of dave. without going into details, dave is killed in a match against a man named chong and since the incident, benson has had to put away another facet of his past until the duo dig it up again. so he has no choice but to go down there and play chong, thus winning and getting the closure he needs with daves death

you would think bc of all this, bensons empathy card would come running through the gate as soon as he realises just how serious the situation is. if he wasn’t constantly wearing a shell made of wax paper, maybe the first thing to come out his mouth would’ve been “oh shit mordecai i’m so sorry” instead of “you fucked up and this is why” like a decent human being

……okay

when benson realises what he said was completely uncalled for, he not only apologises to mordecai, but he takes it upon HIMSELF to give him jonthans own book and work with mordecai to complete the challenge, and this leads into what has to be one of my favourite uses of a licenced song in this show since its airing; bonnie tylers ‘holding out for a hero’ played over an animated 80s-esque training montage

the music has always been a main fixture of the show for a lot of people. older audiences can very much appreciate the brief nostalgia trip while saying aloud “they got that song in here? kudos to them!” and younger audiences can appreciate the flashy colours and coming to the realisation that this was played in the cinematic masterpiece that is shrek 2, while both can be similitanously distracted by how truly boring these scenes would be without music overlaying them. that’s the beauty of a montage, folks; no matter the age, they’re still enjoyable to watch….unless they have a shitty song playing over them. 'holding out for a hero’ was such a perfect song choice to have in this episode; not only does it encapsulate the utter cheesiness of every training montage of the 80s but it fits for the exact scenario that rigby is in. i don’t need to spell it out for you bc it’s already there in the damn title, but let me just say that jg could not have chosen a more 'right’ song than this one

they stop outside the restaurant, and as everyone clambers out of the cart, we get ANOTHER one of my absolute favourite scenes between benson and mordecai; i believe this scene was christened amongst the rs fanbase as 'the apology scene’, where mordecai admits to benson that he is a good friend despite how much of an absolute dick benson can be sometimes. it’s incredibly sweet and written in a very direct way; from what we’ve already seen between them up until this point, there is no doubt mordecai holds a complete plethora of feelings about benson and their relationship, benson likewise upon suddenly learning just how highly mordecai values the friendships around him, his own with rigby especially, and instead of getting all choked up about it, mordecai makes it very clear that as of right now, it’s all he has say to benson, and it’s from bensons reaction and one line response that it’s all he needs to hear from him too

in that brief moment, without so much as a few sentences said between them, they’ve come to a mutual understanding of one another, in that both are very aware of just how much this situation has impacted their previous “water and oil” relationship. in fact, this scene was so ridiculously important that in the middle of his commentary for the episode, jg pauses midsentence to watch this scene play out, despite already knowing exactly what happens in it, bc he recognises how pivotal it was in not just their relationship, but in the series as a whole

in an earlier draft of the episode, jg explains in the commentary that they were going to have rigby upchuck the omelette then have the sick come to life and train him in beating the challenge. hilarity and moral questioning ensues when he slowly realises he’s aiding rigby in eating his own kind for a stupid hat and a fight breaks out in the restaurant

not only do i personally fucking adore this change, obviously, but i also find it incredibly interesting in that the absolute craziness of a general episode, where rigby is very much awake and is the main character, is switched out for an episode that showcases the utter importance of friendship, and how rigbys fucking around can get him almost killed, which is what we had seen in previous seasons, but never this bad. in a roundabout way, rigby is the main character, even if he isn’t consciously aware for a second of the events happening around him, bc we see the complete fallback rigbys idiotic decision has on not just mordecai, but benson too

jg clearly took this episode idea and fucking ran with it. it was the only episode to win them an emmy, and rightfully so; every single scene is an absolute masterpiece and it pales in complete comparison to almost every other episode following it. with a show so trenched in its tagline “anything but regular”, the much needed turning point comes as an absolute surprise to the audience, where the core of the show is flipped on its head and we’re suddenly told that your moronic behaviour can have extreme backlash when you’re unaware of the consequences that come with it. having benson and mordecai be front and center of it all, the two characters who are very knowledgable of the sheer stupidity rigby can pocess at times, is so fucking perfect in itself bc it forces them to push aside their differences to work together in something benson would usually find as completely ludicrous and would most likely opt out of if the stakes weren’t so high

i’ve already said before that i love this episode and i will continue to love it bc it is so fucking important. in the 11 minutes of runtime, jg manages to write an episode that, at its core, is about friendship and the lengths you’re willing to go for somebody you deeply care about, while also developing a relationship that goes from absolute hatred to the beginning of a friendship based around that very lesson

though the show had produced some truly great episodes from various board artists, jgs always seemed to have a very distinct style to them; they were always wacky and fun, but took on a serious note at times while also hiding some sort of message underneath the antics, and as every show creator, he was highly keyed into the beats of his show. one of the main reasons this episode was so incredible is bc it was made by somebody who has an extreme love for and deep understanding of his characters; yes the artists episodes were fantastic at times, but when it comes down to it, the creator really does know them best, and being the sole artist for this episode gave jg a ton of creative freedom to try his hand at throwing them into such an intense situation for the first time, where mordecai could potentially lose his best friend and seeing just how everybody responds to the weight of that scenario is exactly something we, the audience, needed to see. and the shows creator healming the reigns for this entire episode was just 👌🏼

you really could not have trusted anybody else to board this episode

[newtmassangsters]

A million dreams - Newtmas AU (oneshot)

Also available on Ao3

Newt had been playing the piano for ten years now, taking lessons at the Conservatoire with Abigail since he was eight years old. Although he wasn’t her best student, he was the oldest one, and her favourite. The weekly hour they spent together always included at least fifteen minutes of gossips, when they shared everything from their thoughts on music to their personal life. Newt was quite a shy person, but he knew he could trust Abigail on anything, they had known each other for ten years and he felt like she knew him almost as good as his parents did, and definitely better than himself.

Abigail was a 30-year-old woman, with dark, long, hair that fell on her shoulders with elegance. She was very talented, but was nothing like the classic, serious pianist type. She was an eccentric person, took samba dancing lessons, listened to Michael Jackson as well as Rachmaninov, wore long skirts and peace-and-love homemade necklaces, yet had graduated from a musicology and pianist degree at the best school in the country, and knew how to play seven instruments. Because she carried such an unlikely background, she believed in each and every one of her students. When Newt first entered her classroom, he didn’t even know who Mozart was. Now, ten years later, he was able to play Mozart, of course, but also Beethoven, Handel, Bach or any composer she asked him too.

Newt was currently sitting behind the piano, practising a piece for the Conservatoire’s Annual Concert in a month. Each teacher had to choose five of his best students to play at the town’s theatre. The piece Abigail had chosen was a perfect fit for the boy: it was one of Rachmaninov’s Preludes, an elaborate piece, fast but gentle and delicate, that was often left over and unnoticed by famous musicians, yet it could be so deep and meaningful if played right.

At the moment, Newt was struggling with the metronome, trying, and failing, to speed up on the keyboard while not messing up the rhythm at the same time.

“You have to straighten up your hand, love, if you want to get passed 100 beats.” She finally helped him, realizing he was not figuring it by himself. He looked up at her, then stopped everything and sighed in defeat.

“I’ve been trying for half an hour now, Abigail, I’ll never be able to do it!”

“Yeah, right.” She rolled her eyes. “Stop being a drama queen and try harder, Newt. That might save us some time.”

“I just want to give a good performance this time, that’s all.” He admitted with a slightly panicked expression on his face. She didn’t seem to get how much he was afraid of failing.

“Stop worrying, Newt, I know you’ll do good. Thomas will be impressed, I promise.” She leaned on the piano as she winked at him.

The boy looked at her with wide eyes and red cheeks. “W-what do y-you… I… I d-don’t…”

“Oh, come on, buddy, I know you like Thomas! It’s so obvious that I still don’t understand why nothing happened between you two yet. Although they do say that love makes you blind…” she laughed at his embarrassment, but that only made Newt blush even more.

Thomas was another one of Abigail’s student, although piano was not his main instrument. He was the son of the double bass teacher, and at first, he had learnt how to play that instrument, but he soon moved to the saxophone, which was now his main. Three years ago, he had decided to start the piano, in order to be an “accomplished jazz man” as he had told his mom, joking. Because he was a very fast learner, and a known figure in the Conservatoire, most of the first years looked up to him, and everybody knew his name.

“Hey, love, it’s totally fine, I’m not judging. Why do you think I put his class right after yours? You two are adorable blushing and stuttering and eyeing each other every week…” Abigail tried to comfort Newt, coming to sit beside him.

Newt had always admired Thomas, of course, and had had a crush on him for years now. They were in the same music theory class, but Newt was so shy that they never really had an actual conversation, except for the stupid jokes Thomas whispered to him to make the lesson go faster. Thomas was funny, but he was also talented, and kind, and really cute; he was the only one to actually stand up to their terrible music theory teacher when she would pick on Newt. Newt admired the boy so much, he often daydreamed that they could become a thing one day, but he was too afraid to ever admit anything to him, not even that he was into boys. He just dreamed, and hope a miracle would happen someday.

Abigail sighed at the sight of Newt’s face, all sad and desperate. Newt was so much more than what he saw himself as. The blond was so focused on what was around him, Thomas, and the others, he spent so much time daydreaming about what could happen that he didn’t see how important he was to everyone. He wouldn’t notice how the little kids also looked up to him, because he was the oldest student in here, and one of the best. First years kept telling her that they wanted to play “exactly like the blond lizard boy when they grew up”. He was also an important figure of the Conservatoire, always a part of every concert; arriving an hour or so in advance to help fix everything. And, of course, he failed to notice that the brunet was obviously in love with Newt, just as he himself was obsessed with Thomas. They were both hopelessly lovesick and oblivious and had been for years.

“So, will you help me with that bar line, or?” Newt tried to casually change the subject, his cheeks still pink. Abigail rolled her eyes but turned the metronome back on and went on with the lesson.

Thomas closed the front door of his house in a rushed movement and hurried down the street in the direction of the Theatre. He was late for the concert, as always, and if his mom noticed, she would murder him. He had promised her he would come and help fix the stage for once but got caught up in his show and didn’t notice the time until he was half an hour late already. He felt bad for letting her down once again, not to mention that he knew Newt was also helping with the stage and they could’ve done it together. He couldn’t help the little smile on his lips at the thought of spending time with the blond, even if it was carrying chairs and heavy instruments on a stage. Maybe, maybe, this time they would’ve been able to hold an actual conversation, but it was too late now. Plus, he was really looking forward to hearing Newt play. He had already, technically, since their lessons were following each other, but they had never performed the same concerts before, and everyone showed a different side of themselves on stage. He admired Newt’s talent as a pianist, and he wanted to be able to watch him play, also maybe talk to him about it, laugh with him backstage. Thomas really loved to make him laugh.

By the time he finally arrived at the Theatre, and entered by the stage door, he was sweating and out of breath. The first person to notice him was his mother, who immediately sent him a death glare. So much for trying to be unnoticed, he thought bitterly. She sent him to watch over the kids who were waiting backstage and preparing their instruments. As much as Thomas hated it, he went upstairs without arguing.

As soon as he entered the room, he was met by a sight worse than his sister’s room when she invited her friends for a sleepover. Instrument’s cases were left open all over the room, mostly on the floor, with or without the instruments inside. Some kids were playing tag and running over the room, occasionally tripping over the instruments. A group of girls were braiding each other’s hair in a corner, gossiping loudly, another was standing by the open window throwing objects to people on the street, and one boy was crying in a corner because his violin chord was broken. Thomas cursed under his breath for being late, before taking a step into the mess that was the room and getting to work. After fifteen minutes, all girls were decently braided, the majority of the kids had been sent to the courtyard to play whatever game they wanted to that involved running, thus significantly reducing the noise, and the violin chord had been replaced. But Thomas himself was exhausted and sweating ten times more than he had been already. He was just about to allow himself a little rest when he heard someone walking in the direction of the room.

“This is far too quiet. What bloody happen-” Newt suddenly entered the room with a frown on his face, but he stopped dead in his tracks when he noticed Thomas leaning by the window. The latter straightened as soon as he saw the blond and offered him a shy smile.

“Oh, hey Tommy, I didn’t know you were there.” Newt said very quietly, not meeting his eyes.

“Yeah, Mom sent me to calm down the kids. That was not easy.” Thomas chuckled, trying to break the awkward silence between them. His eyes brightened as he saw Newt smile at his comment.

“Yeah, I know, I used to have a sister.” Newt said as he fully entered the room and looked around. “I’ll help you clean up the rest of the room if you want.”

“Thanks.” Thomas smiled as he realized he did get to spend time with Newt before the concert. “And I’m sorry for your sister.”

Newt frowned again, that cute frown he seemed to carry everywhere, until he finally understood what Thomas had meant. “Oh, no! Nothing actually happened to her! My sister, I mean. She’s just… I meant I do still have a sister but what I meant was that she’s grown, now, so I don’t need to watch over anymore.” He tried to hide his embarrassment by bending over to the closest item to clean the place, blood rushing to his face.

Thomas giggled at his stuttering and looked at him with a fond smile. He stared as the blond kept on randomly moving objects in the room, not really caring about ordering it but trying hard to make his blush go away. He could go on studying him all day, and he almost forgot about the kids all around them, lost as he was in the sight of the boy in front of him.

Almost. Because after thirty seconds of him staring all adoringly at Newt, a little girl tugged at his leg and asked with a high-pitched voice, loud and clear: “Hey, mister Thomas, are you in love with mister Newt? Why are you looking at him and smiling like my Mommy and my Daddy look at each other after they say I love you?”

It was Thomas’ turn to blush furiously as he sent a furious glare to the little girl, while Newt turned to him with wide eyes. He opened his mouth in an attempt to justify himself but was cut short by another boy in the room.

“Pfff, that’s not possible, Julie! Two boys can’t be in love, it’s so weird!”

“Yes, it does!” Julie shrieked, clearly upset by the boy’s comment. “My sister says she likes a girl and I even saw them kiss once! And she told me that boys could do that too! So, you don’t talk if you don’t know what you are talking about because if you say mean things like that, then I will tell my sister, and she will ground you!” Thomas looked up at Newt, who was now smiling at the girl, amused by her outburst.

“Puah, your sister, she’s all wrong and bad,” Another boy intervened. “my father, he says it’s very, very bad if you’re a girl and you want to kiss a girl and also if you’re a boy and you want to kiss a boy, and on the lips. And I think Newt is a very cool boy and I want to be just like him when I grow up, so I don’t want him to be a homosexual person because that’s wrong. Also, my father, he is never wrong, so now I don’t like your sister.” Julie turned to him with a furious expression. She was all red and her eyes were almost spilling tears.

Thomas caught her in his arms just as she was about to jump on the boy, and he thought the incident would end there, as he sent the kids away. But Newt quickly turned to the boy and spoke in a very angry and slightly hurt voice.

“Well, I’m very sorry to break the news to you, buddy, but your father might be wrong on that one. At least I know that you are, because I am definitely gay, which means that I do want to kiss boys on the lips even though I am a boy myself. And there is nothing wrong with it, you hear me? I don’t care what bullshit your father wants to say but -“ He was cut off by Thomas’ calming hand on his shoulder. He turned to the brunet who was still holding Julie and looking at him with wide eyes. The sight calmed Newt right away, and he took a deep breath before turning back to the boy, who remained completely silent before Newt.

“It’s alright. You are allowed to be wrong sometimes. But I still want you to apologize to Julie there, for calling her sister a bad person.” The boy nodded and went to Julie to apologize. Newt turned to Thomas again, who was now staring at him with what looked like a proud smile. The blond smiled back, slightly blushing when he realized he had just come out to Thomas and half of the kids of the Conservatoire without even meaning to.

“So, Mister, are you a gay person like my sister and Newt, too? Is that why you are looking at him again?” Julie turned back to Thomas after she had ended her conversation with the other kid.

The question took Thomas by surprise again, and he wished for the second time that she would learn to give people privacy, or at least start speaking quietly. He contemplated not answering, but when he looked up, everyone was staring at him expectantly, including Newt.

“Hum, huh… Yeah, I am. Well, not exactly, more like I like boys and girls both, but… Yeah, that’s the idea.” He avoided looking at the blond at all costs as he struggled explaining his sexuality to the nine-year-old. Exactly how I had dreamed to come out to Newt, he thought.

She opened her mouth to ask another question -  and very probably embarrass him more when Abigail barged into the room.

“There you are!” she exclaimed looking at Newt and Thomas both. “I should’ve guessed you two would be all blushing somewhere together. Well, come on then, the concert starts in ten minutes, and I want everyone downstairs in five!”

Newt let his fingers move by themselves in the pattern he knew by heart now. His eyes went from the music sheet to the keynote, checking his movements, although he didn’t really need to read the sheet anymore. He knew it by heart, but it wasn’t elegant to keep his eyes fixed on his hands, and it helped his focus to read the notes as he played. He was so nervous, knowing that Thomas was in the building somewhere, listening to him play. But as soon as his fingers had started moving, he got lost in the music, as he was now. A large grin grew on his face as he played the last chord and he realized he hadn’t made one single mistake. He looked up to Abigail behind the curtains, who was applauding furiously, like everyone else in the Hall. He got up to bow to the public, then gathered his sheets and walked back behind the stage. As soon as he was out of the public sight, behind the curtains, someone ran into him, almost knocking him over, holding him in a tight embrace. His eyes widened when he realized it was Thomas.

“Newt! You were amazing!” the brunet exclaimed as he pulled back, his smile almost as big as Newt’s.

“Boys, keep quiet, will you?” Abigail whispered at them, winking at Newt at the same time. And he didn’t know if she meant it for his performance or for the unexpected hug he just received.

“Let’s get out” Thomas offered as he grabbed Newt’s hand to lead him away. He didn’t know why he felt so bold and touchy suddenly, if it was because of their forced coming-out from earlier, or the fact that they were both tired, but none of them complained.

“Thomas, you’re in in twenty minutes, so don’t get too far!” Abigail reminded them before turning her attention back to duet of clarinets playing on stage.

Newt followed Thomas to a flight of hidden stairs that lead to the upper circle of seats, next to the control room. They had the floor to themselves, as almost no one knew how to get there.

“I found that place years ago when my Mom used to bring me with her at her concerts and I would get so bored that I started exploring the building. Now I go there all the time because there is no one to bother me here and I have a very good view.” Thomas explained as he lead them to seat by the balustrade, still holding hands.

Newt simply nodded and turned his attention to the jazz quartet that was now playing. There was a pianist, a double bass, a saxophone and drums. They were all playing with true passion and it showed in the way the instruments interacted. They responded perfectly to one another, in perfect harmony, yet each one was able to portray its own emotion and added its own version to the story they were writing together. It truly was beautiful, and everyone in the theatre seemed to be caught on their music.

“They’re very good.” Thomas said, stating the obvious. They were sitting side by side, their shoulders touching. Newt had his elbows resting on the balustrade, and his face resting on his arms, looking as if he were sleeping when he had never been more aware of his surroundings, the wonderful music in his ears and before his eyes, Thomas’ shoulder on his, his presence by his side. Thomas was sitting cross-legged, his chest leaning forward and his arms balancing above the void. His eyes were fixed on Newt’s adorable position, but his ears didn’t miss a single note the quartet was playing.

The atmosphere had changed from cheerful to a more serious, nostalgic one. The musicians were playing There Will Never Be Another You, and the saxophone was currently pouring all his feelings in a heart-breaking solo.

Newt finally turned to Thomas, looking at him in the eyes, his head still fixed on his arms. “They are. But I like it better when you are playing.” He was being serious, and Thomas smiled kindly at his answer.

“Thanks.”

They went back to the music. The piece was so known that both of them, even though Newt wasn’t into jazz, could sing the lyrics. It talked about impossible dreams of being with someone that might have left forever.

“Do you have dreams, Tommy?” the blond asked after a few seconds of silence.

“Some. I don’t know. Do you?”

“Yes.” Newt smiled at him. “But they’re always different. Sometimes I have my all life all planned, each second of it, and some other days I have no clue where to go. I can’t make up my mind.” He sighed, thinking about how life always seemed to ignore his wishes and had left so many of his dreams disregarded. He didn’t really know why he was sharing all of it tonight. He didn’t even know why he was feeling so nostalgic and serious all of a sudden. It could have been the music, or the intensity of Thomas’ brown eyes staring right into his. He might not know, but he felt comfortable sharing all of it with him, because the other was listening, and Newt felt like he could trust him. Both of them could somehow feel the thin connection that was linking them together on that night. It was fragile, but they just needed to make it grow stronger, like a seed that had the potential to grow into a beautiful flower if one put enough affection and dedication in the effort.

“So what is this dream about, tonight?” Thomas asked.

“Tonight, I want to be a good musician, a real pianist.”

“You already are.” The brunet cut him off. Newt just smiled.

“A better one, then. A professional. I want to play good music all over the country, all over the world even, I’d be good, but it wouldn’t matter, because it would be all about the music.” He said all of it in a quiet voice, his gaze fixed on the painted ceiling. He didn’t really know where he was going with it, he was making everything up as he said it, letting the music guide his thoughts.

Thomas had leant closer, mirroring Newt’s position resting on the balustrade, his own face now inches from the blond’s one. It was now or never. They might never have another night like this one, just the two of them at the top of the theatre, on the top of the world, looking down on a stage where four men sang about lost love and missed opportunities. Thomas did not want Newt to be an opportunity he missed, he wanted him to be the love he could be proud of, the one that grew strong and beautiful.

“Am I in this dream, Newt?” he asked quietly.

“Yeah” the other whispered, locking their eyes together. “Tonight, I imagine you would be by my side, always. We would be playing together. Just the two of us, together.” The last sentence was so quiet, it was hard to hear it over the bass’ solo.

“And tomorrow?”

“I don’t know. Ask me tomorrow.” They both smiled, not breaking eye contact, Thomas leaning just a little bit closer. They listened together to the music, again. It was about time moving too fast, but they felt like they could ever be able to leave the moment they were lost in.

“I really like you, Tommy.” Newt suddenly confessed, as if it was so evident that he didn’t even need to say it. And it was. It felt so clear, unmistakable, obvious as they were sitting here, on the highest row of the theatre, staring so intently at each other. And he knew how Thomas felt it too.

“I really like you too.” The brunet smiled even bigger, and finally closed the gap that was between their bodies.

There will be other lips that I may kiss, but they won’t thrill me like yours used to do. Yes, I may dream a million dreams, but how can they come true, if there will never ever be another you? The song went on, but lost in their own kiss, thrilled by the feeling of their own lips against the other, the boys didn’t need to be dreaming a million dreams to know that this one was true.

[todonintendos]

The Genius Behind The Genius

It’s been already eight years since Pokémon Black and White were released for the Nintendo DS. Time sure flies. I think we can all agree that it seems like yesterday. This just comes to prove how big the mark these games have left is, not to mention the amazing sequels we got to play. One of the many reasons why it’s hard to forget these games is their story. In fact, it took over a year to write, and seeing the result, it was definitely worth the time spent.

But what makes up a good story? A decent amount of plot twists and an interesting theme to talk about are good answers, but this time we’ll be focusing in characters. There’s no good story without characters, and turns out Pokémon Black and White has plenty of them. Cheren, Ghetsis, Bianca, Iris, Juniper... the list feels endless. Each of them have their own unique origins, story and behavior... and then there’s N.

N is an anti-villain, since he’s the king of the villainous Team Plasma, but sees Pokémon as his friends and acts nicely towards the player.

When N was very young, he was abandoned in the woods, where he was raised by the Pokémon living there. One day, Ghetsis began taking care of him, claiming to be his father. Actually, it’s still a mystery who N parents are, to the point where Junichi Masuda, the current director of the Pokémon games, even suggested he could have been born from Pokémon. When the player meets N for the first time, N is already over eighteen years old. My guess is that he’s 19, but I’ll go deeper into that theory later.

Despite not having received proper education, his IQ is stated to be extremely high. His mind exceeds any other human mind from the Pokémon world. Junichi Masuda revealed that he can look into people’s past and future. But his most recognized talent is probably his skill with mathematics. He’s a mathematical genius. It’s said that he sees everything in a black and white fashion, and uses mathematical formulas as a way to make sense of it, since being raised by Pokémon prevented him from having our generic vision of the world. This is the exact same reason why he proves to have a closer relationship with Pokémon than humans.

Being a mastermind who was raised by Pokémon, N considers himself a personification of perfection.

Little more needs to be known about N to realize how distinct of a character he is. Nonetheless, N is still a fictional character, and as with any other work of fiction, there’s a real human mind behind it. The creator of the creation and, for N’s case, the genius behind the genius.

That person is, as you may have guessed already, Junichi Masuda himself. The director and lead composer of Pokémon Black and White and their respective sequels. It’s evident that a good character is never born out of nowhere. There’s always a source of inspiration behind it, and maths were definitely the strongest influence around his creation. At plain sight, the references may not seem obvious. But the same way N has a completely different point of view of what we see, we also need to change our perception of N to see them and figure them out.

Junichi Masuda next to Shigeru Ohmori, game designers and directors of many Pokémon games. Both worked on Black and White together.

By simply looking at N’s official artwork from Black and White, the only thing that’s worth talking about is the cube hanging from his belt. Since it doesn’t have any colors other than a dark shade of yellow, it can’t be a Void Cube, a variant of the well-known Rubik’s Cube with a hole in the middle of every face. Instead, we could be talking about the second iteration of a Menger Sponge, but try to remember what I just mentioned about Void Cubes.

Understanding what a Menger Sponge is can be relatively easy. It gets more complex when we try to approach it from a mathematical point of view. First, think of a big cube of infinite dimensions, which turns out to be the first step of the Menger Sequence. Now, split that big cube into 27 smaller cubes of the same dimensions, and remove the cube that’s in the middle of every face and in the very center of the cube. The shape that the 20 remaining cubes form should remind you of the Void Cube I mentioned earlier, and the cube hanging from N’s belt, of course. Now follow the same steps for those 20 cubes, and repeat the process infinitely. 

The result is a cube with infinite surface, but zero volume, as it will have an infinite amount of holes. Two different and equally valid points of view for the same concept.

One does not realize how the cube will eventually end up having infinite holes until it’s looked from a mathematical point of view.

The truth is, this cube doesn’t take any major, or even minor role in the story of the games, but early concept artworks and notes suggest that it was initially going to be relevant to the plot of the game. However, if N still wears it in the final games, there has to be a reason for that, and it’s probably because of the fact that no-one will find anything interesting in that cube unless it’s seen from a mathematical point of view, or N’s default point of view.

Moving away from his appearance, one of the things that gets the attention of most people is how he’s named after a single letter: the letter N, which happens to be the letter that’s used to represent the set of all natural numbers, which are all numbers without any decimals starting from zero (zero is not part of that set). In fact, this isn’t just a coincidence, as Junichi Masuda has revealed that N stands for Natural Number. However, if you’ve played through Black and White, you should know that N isn’t his actual name. His full name in every language is Natural Harmonia Gropius. And yes, there’s a mathematical context behind it. Actually, not all of the context has to do with math.

The natural set (N) is the most basic mathematical set, and is contained inside all of the bigger sets (real numbers, rational numbers...)

The first part of his full name, Natural, should be already figured out, and there isn’t much more to explain. However, the next part, his surname Harmonia, can be a little bit harder to understand, so let’s focus first on the last name, Gropius, since it’s not confirmed to have a specific origin. Gropius is a rather popular last name in Germany, and is often associated with Walter Gropius, pioneer of modernistic architecture during the XXth century. This could reference the fact that N wants to build a world where Pokémon and humans can live together in... well, harmony. Though it’s debatable whether this is true or not.

Regarding Harmonia, at first glance, it may seem like it refers to the musical term harmony: combinations of chords that create a pleasant melody. While that point of view is correct, the mathematical point of view we’re focusing on leads us to harmonic functions. I won’t go into detail on what they are because it requires a rather wide knowledge on maths to understand. In fact, we don’t really have to, as this only will help us realize there has to be a relation between music and maths somewhere in N’s development history, and by analyzing the well-known N Battle Theme, we’ll find out how math also influenced this tune.

Harmonic functions are those who have a first and a second derivative that always satisfy Laplace’s equation (df^2/dx(n)^2=0)

The genius we’ve been talking about all this time, Junichi Masuda, was in charge of composing this very specific theme, and states in a post from his personal blog that he was influenced by prime numbers to compose it. But why prime numbers? Masuda defends this idea by considering N as the “one” genius, and implying that prime numbers are the ones who get closer to being as unique as number one, due to the fact that they only have two divisors.

I’ve tried finding a music sheet of N’s Battle Theme so following the song becomes easier, however, I found nothing, which surprises me considering it’s a very popular theme. However, since all of this info comes from Junichi Masuda himself, we can definitely trust on it. As a replacement, here’s a video with the song so you can try to follow along, specially if you’ve got a good musical ear.

Right at the first part of the song, you can hear several combinations of eight ascending notes. Imagine the lowest note of the eight, which is always the first one of each set, is note #1, and that the number associated to every note increases by one whenever the key of the note also increases by one position. Do this in all of the sets, and you should get the following number combination: (1, 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19), which happens to be number one followed by the first seven prime numbers... with seven itself also being a prime number. Also, note that following the definition of prime number, 1 is NOT one of them.

After this intro, several sequences of three notes, with the last note playing for way longer than the other two, can be heard. The fact that it’s three notes isn’t a coincidence since three is a prime number. In music terms, a bar is the segment of time that corresponds to a specific amount of beats stated at the beginning of the music sheet, which is usually four, and the longest note of the three extends for five bars... with five also being a prime number. But this doesn’t end here. This whole theme extends for 83 bars before it begins to loop... and guess what? 83 is also a prime number!

All prime numbers from 1 to 100 appear green on this chart. 1 isn’t a prime number.

We can also find some relations between N and prime numbers on the character itself and not just on his battle theme. For example, in the game, he’s said to be 5′ 11′’ tall. At this point I don’t think I should remind that 5 and 11 are prime numbers, but I’ll do just in case. His trainer ID number in Pokémon Black and White is 00002 (two is the only even prime number). And he’s also the only trainer in Generation V that uses all 17 types of Pokémon at least once during the game. And yes, 17 is also a prime number. Though this info I just mentioned isn’t confirmed, and could be just a coincidence.

Also, there’s much more in N’s Battle Theme other than all of the influence from prime numbers. The clocks ticking in the middle of the song, the sudden bursts of energy... all of these elements aren’t random, and Junichi Masuda explains all of them on his personal blog, so definitely check it out if you’re interested in knowing more about it! https://www.gamefreak.co.jp/blog/dir_english/?m=201110

...and you reached the end of the article!

As you saw, the creativity put into the creation of N is simply insane. People often tend to ignore the development stories of their favourite characters no matter how much they love them, but if you attempt to do a small research to find out, you may end up finding something as surprising as this. Authors and developers care about their characters, to the point where they end up putting all of this effort to make it stand out. Thanks for reading!

~TodoNintendoS, as part of Daily Nintendo Fact #100

[yuichi-ro]

just gonna vent here for a bit bc i think not being able to do a lot with covid is having some serious effects on my anger levels but

so there is this anime i watching called “shikimori’s not just a cutie!”. its just meant to be a cute romance slice of life, something to turn your brain off and relax to, the animation is nice, its perfect for what it is.

the amount of hate this show is getting. jesus fucking christus my ass. essentially the relationship being portrayed is slightly non traditional in the heteronormative sense. the guy is a bit more shy and very accident prone, the girl is more outgoing and protective. it toys with that role reversal of a more dominant female lead and a male lead being more on the receiving end of things while also still letting both of them indulge in still being the “girl” and “boy” in the relationship. it’s very nuanced and very well handled so far.

but so fucking many (ofc mostly male) people are shitting on this anime. under the guise of “there is no story!” (three episodes have released by now you fuckers, its meant to be a feel good slice of life not some revolutionary mind fuck shit). and thats really pissing me off when you compare it to other anime of the same genre recently- for example “my dress up darling” and “komi san cant communicate”- which are good anime for what they want to be respectively too but you cannot ignore the fact that these shows aren’t getting the same hate even though they share a similar vibe.

and the only key difference lays in their male and female lead- the two mentioned before being very traditional- either being male fantasy to a larger extent in my dress up darling or to a lesser extent with just the shy girl in komi.

and then you have this show where the female lead is yes, cute but also badass and the male lead is a genuinely amazing guy being the best fucking boyfriend he could ever be and- people hate on t h e m? because they aren’t the cliche? i really just think guys can’t insert themselves into the male lead because he genuinely respects women, loves his girlfriend and supports her while also being his own person💀

i just. anger. so much anger in this tiny buff body of mine. maybe the lack of exercise is getting to me and also the fact that my body is recovering while also still being very weak otherwise, which i often forget. i had to take a nap after doing fucking laundry i hate this. ugh.

sorry for the rant i know i probs just redirecting my inward anger outward at something but shit like this really pisses me off bc u have a show that breaks the mould and is genuinely a little different and then its treated in a way that ensures that it’s not going to happen again. i am on my knees begging for more assertive and fun female characters to relate to man.

anyway this is canon and these are the men u picked sorry to inform u.

also currently working on a crossover fic to at least write a little something between naps and also thinking about making a little banner or cover or something for it? i just dunno what to put on it? ugh decisions decisions, complex thoughts i am not capable of. i just crave for all of this to be over but also i should use this opportunity to take a proper break.

hope you are having a good day and so does your family at least! my apologies for the rant lmao

-🌌momo

see your first problem is watching anything involving romance or slice of life genres 😂

I just- I hate those genres with such a passion and I mean the tropes, the kind of fans if (generally) attracts and just all of it is so not my cup of tea. Unironically I'm not an unromantic person (or at least ten yrs and going strong with a water sign would reckon I'm semi decent with lovey dovey stuff) But god there is something about romance animes that turn me off so bad. And 100% it's probably the heteronormality of it all. And bitching bc the most sliver representation of role reversal is happening? I stand my ground romance animes are terrible lol

actually the quiet/shy/uncertain male role with the strong women personalities is part of the reason I've really fallen for Sonny Boy (I actually think you'd enjoy it if you watched it). Just the rep for so many personality types among everyone is so nice so I get being pissy about the gag generic replication of tiny uwu female role and big overly manly male role. It's flat out the reason I won't watch a lot of things or even try most genres of animes bc it's all pretty much the same. I don't actually consume that much anime/manga but running a writing blog doesn't show real good rep of what I'm actually into 😂

but also choking and relating so hard to having too much energy in a tired buff body 😂 I do not do well when I have my exercise. I am a giant yellow lab who lives in too small of an apartment called life. God and being sick and stuck in the house 😩 That's a death sentence. Rip those stupid sexist pigs a new asshole. It's good for your upper body and gets out all the aggression when the fish bowl is too tiny bc fuck the human body for succumbing to a tiny microscopic cootie like a weakling. Wtf how are we on the top of the food chain and get housebound by things you can't even see. It's stupid, being sick is stupid -3-

I've seen that fanart before =_= god momo just fucking wrecked me for my husbands on live tv asdfghjkl

can't even convey how hard I laughed the first time I saw that (pre Rindou phase mind you -3-) I'm pretty sure I peed a little I was laughing so hard bc I will not be convinced Mikey just picked Hanma up bc he needed a new tall person in his life and Hanma was the only one he could think of to put him up on things 😂 bc Ran won't do it he's too busy pushing his dumb brother up onto things to run away from the cops + Ran is barely 6' so suck it you Ran lovers Hanma supremacy forever

the real problem is that I let them reproduce. Willingly. That's the sad part and someone should have me evaluated bc no sane person would let those fools reproduce

need to churn out my Chuuya piece for his birthday today but instead I'm staring at Shion and avoiding it. It's fine. Everything is fine.

[anicegaykid]

who dis?

#firstpost seems more daunting than it needs to be. Got myself all creative blocked up so here is a little diddy to get to know me better.. 

Are you named after anyone?

I am actually named after Jessica Wakefield from Sweet Valley High

When was the last time you cried?

tbh, I tend to flip from emotionless to SUPER emotional like 0-60. Sometimes no response, sometimes (like this afternoon) I see a beautiful pond surrounded in nature, being natural and beautiful, water sparkling in the sunshine and the tears just roll.

Do you have kids? If no, how many do you want?

No kids atm, but a couple kiddos would be nice in the near future

If you were another person, would you be a friend of yourself?

..like.. what.. ? am I just like a duplicate of me? Like am I the same person I am now and would I be friends with someone JUST like me? Or am I someone else? Who am I? Like, I enjoy spending time on my own? 

Bottom line, I like me. 

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

100%

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

eyes, smile, lips, face bone structure

What is your eye color?

blue, sometimes they get a little grey

Scary movie or happy endings?

BOTH. 

Favorite smells?

Citrus, patchouli, cut grass, peaches and strawberries

Do you have any special talents?

Talents include: fantastic with horses, very good dog mom, I can cook frozen pizzas to perfection -- if I don’t get distracted, designing queer tees, i can roll a pretty decent j, solid problem solver, got some wit and can be funny. 

Where were you born?

Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island, Canada

What’s your zodiac sign? Do you believe in it?

Leo; I mean it IS surprisingly accurate like all the time. 

What are your hobbies?

I am kind of in between hobbies right now.. I dabble in some things. I go to the gym like more than average, but I would like to go more - said everyone ever. I’d like to hike more, camp more, build more things out of pallets, you know.. the usual

Do you have any siblings?

I have a 21 year old brother and a 14 year old sister.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Life is pretty great tbh, I’d like to continue being happy with my little fam

Who was your first best friend?

My first best friend would have to be my cousin, Brittany. Like a sister.

How tall are you?

5′6″

What is the least favourite thing about yourself?

I wish I was a lot better at expressing how I feel. 

Things that still bother me - my wife and I had a discussion about proposals and who would ask who. We landed on me asking her, which I did and am SO happy about, but the reason behind it being that I am so poor at expressing emotions that she was afraid it would affect her confidence in my response. 

For a first TMI moment of the blog, I have so much anxiety in my ability to express myself that I can’t even manage to make any “noise” during sex. Doesn’t even matter that I am my most comfortable self with her, STILL struggle. A work in progress for me I guess. 

Funniest moment throughout School?

There was a time when we were at a beach party when I was 17, the RCMP showed up to break it up and snag any and all intoxicated minors they could. The tide had recently come in, but where we were was a little dip in the side of the cliff so the path back to the road was water-covered. So someone peeks around the cliff to see the two Mounties wading through the water. This party crew are country-folk and are 100% ready for this situation with a wooden ladder that leads up the side of the cliff into a field close to where all the vehicles are parked. As party-goers are running through the field to cars, someone shouts, “PIT PARTY” and everyone heads towards the local Pit. Along the way someone with a truck steals a round bale from a field and uses it to create the BIGGEST bonfire I’ve ever seen. 

How many countries have you visited?

like ~10

What was your favourite/worst subject in High School?

I struggled with math but funny enough my career path has led me to a life in the casino so I do math daily and enjoy it very much!

My favourite courses in High School were Conservation and Agricultural Science. 

What is your Favourite drink? Animal? Perfume?

Coke Zero Cherry

Horse

Karma by Lush

What would you (or have you) name your children?

I really like Posy, Daisy, Freddie and Loren

What Sports do you play/Have you played?

I used to Figure Skate, Horseback Ride, Ringette

Who are some of your favourite YouTubers?

I’ve always been a Grace Helbig, Mamrie Hart, Hannah Hart fan

I like Phil DeFranco for news, Pewds for some lulz, love me some Tyler Oakley, Whitney Simmons and Chloe Ting to work the booty, Vox for learning, FunForLouis has some BEAUTIFUL imagery and plays to the traveler side of me and I recently discovered Will Smith’s channel and cannot get enough!

How many Girlfriends/Boyfriends have you had?

I have had an unsettling amount of bfs for a lesbian, but 2 of them really stand out as being genuinely decent guys and I would still hang out with, platonically, to this day.

I have had a grand total of 4 gfs, I married the fourth bc I got LUCKY AS HECK!

Favourite memory from childhood?

The day I got my first puppy.

One time I was gifted a horse for Christmas bc my Dad felt so bad that I had to have my first pony put down earlier that year. 

I also was old enough to remember both my siblings being born!

How would you describe your fashion sense?

tom boy hyper femme 

What phone do you have? (iOS v Android?)

iPhone6s

Tell us one of your bad habits!

I bite my nails and chew my cuticles

3 things that upset you?

inequality

excessive force

did I say inequality?

3 things that make you happy?

Olivia

My animals

family

How is your relationship with parents?

My Mom is one of my best friends in this world! My Dad is an odd case, he struggles with my sexuality, I understand that it is because of where and when he grew up, he is never outwardly rude or mean to me, he’s a quiet country guy, he was at our wedding, he gave me away with my Mom, he’s kind to Olivia, he’s kind to me, he doesn’t understand but recognizes that it is real. I love my Dad, I really do. I’m proud of my Mom for educating him and ensuring that he is present and polite. I get frustrated from time to time and I have cried a lot of tears about it. Our relationship can be strange but at the same time hasn’t changed. He’s been a great Dad and he’ll be a fantastic Grampy. I have to check myself because there are people who are much worse off than me. I get jealous of Olivia sometimes because her Dad is so sweet to her and treats me like a daughter so easily, but my Dad has never been the soft spoken lovey type. We’ve hugged twice in my life. One of them was when I was leaving for England with a one way ticket and no foreseeable return plans and one was when he was jokingly blocking my path and I used it as a disarming mechanism to scoot through. 

What’s on your mind?

All I can think about today is the fact that I became an aunt at 5AM this morning and I’m going to see his later this afternoon. I SO excited!

What’s your talent?

troubleshooting queen.

naturally creative to my own surprise.

One word that describes you?

patient

What’s your favourite quotes?

No Pride for some of us without liberation for all of us . Marsha P Johnson

We way too fly to partake in all this hate, we out here vibin’ . Ariana Grande

Any pets?

4 dogs:

Finnley - Great PyreneesXAustralian Shepard

Effie - Border CollieX

Shiro - DacshundXMiniature Australian Shepard

Moose - Great PyreneesXFinnley

2 Cats:

Priya - long haired tabby, kinda sorta Ragdoll’esque

Punkin - short haired orange tabby with a poofy tail

2 Beta Fishies:

King Push & Todd

What is the farthest you’ve been from home?

I lived in England for 2 years & travelled Europe for a month

Are you an extrovert or introvert?

I think TECHNICALLY an introvert?  I can be v extroverted but I really need time to recharge. Recharging for me is being home with my comforts. My wifey, doggos, snacks and Netflix.

Are you left or right handed?

Right hander

Do you consider yourself a good cook?

Like.. sort of? I don’t cook much but when I do I always surprise myself with how well I do lol

Does your name have a special meaning?

It means my Mother was 18 when she had me and REALLY liked Sweet Valley High

If money were no object what would you get for your next birthday?

2 weeks away from home/work, road trip to Halifax for the fertility clinic, get started on a baby and then fly off to one of those tropical cabins on the water. 

If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?

I would love to have a few homes! A winter getaway BC. A condo in Halifax, NS and a cute little hobby farm here in PEI in some rolling hills somewhere in between Kensington and Charlottetown. 

What’s your favourite thing to have for breakfast?

I love chocolate chip waffles/pancakes, French style pastry breakfast, and when I’m feeling fab, some eggs benny on smoked salmon with a couple mimosas on the side. 

What’s your favourite gadget?

I just got a Fitbit so thats been pretty exciting, aside from that, my phone is on me at like all times. 

What’s your longest relationship so far?

My current one. We’re about to hit 4 years together, married for a little over a month.