#at first i didn't get it because they went ahead with another applicant. then they called and said i got it as long as

[defiledtomb]

waking up feeling like a cinder block & having two meetings & at the end of those get a call to find out that I didn't get the apartment because I had to have been employed for 27 more days than I currently have been. I need to put myself into the washing machine on the carpet cycle. forever. goodbye.

[dojae-huh]

Sorry if it's gonna be so rant-y but all this Jaehyun enlistment thing has me SO confused to be honest, adn as the ibservant person you are I would like to discuss the timeline of events that lead to it or whatever.

Apparently he applied on early august, and you know what else happened on early august their 8th anniversary in where they announced the upcoming concerts to be held on January, so all this time he was out of those plans? and for what reason? at first i thought TI's f-up triggered his decision but they weren't informed about it until mid-august.

And now there's a US interview (the only 127 member that did written interviews for US media, and idk if he's filming any interview now that he's been there for about a week or so) and he says that in about a year he sees himself releasing more good music... like??? why would he say that when it's clearly not

but then there's that fansign clip in which OP tells him about missing TY and JH telling her that he would go soon too, but I take this with a grain of salt, he might sad subtly or had he actual plans of going this early all this time and for what? he's the most popular member, he has international appeal his solo is the one doing the best in most metrics, he qas also booked with cfs, which he most likely wouldn't have got if he was enlisting this soon

Yes, looking at the schedule, to get into a band Jaehyun had to submit his application August 1st or August 7th. Plus, fans think that he returned from Thailand to Korea and then went right away to Indonesia (that weird detour after a 127 fanmeet everyone was confused about) because he had to do a health check (again, based on the dates from the military enlistment shedule).

There is information (I don't know how true), that if Jae didn't get into the band, he would have to apply again. However, he got accepted on the first try. Frankly, even if it's an option, I don't think military would pass a famous idol with a clearly good voice and handsome face. "Oh, it's so hard to get into an army band" is not about the likes of Jaehyun.

In addition, Jaehyun's whole schedule for October has been already planned. Doyoung's encore is exactly on the last days of Jaehyun being in town. Lastly, a band has limited number of places, to not miss a chance and apply in time the decision should have been made before deciding on the solo slot even. It's not like it was with Kai, when he was planning to perform with Exo, and then the military called saying his application for a 3d (?) postponement was not granted, so he had to drop all plans, beg forgivenes from the fans, and go to the base right away.

Ergo, it was planned Jae will go November 4th way ahead.

"In a year" is a common approximation when it comes to idols. It can mean 1,5 years, 2 years, in foreseeable future. It's a vague answer in an interview, not an official announcement (like with Mark's solo in February). Imagine you are promoting your first album and saying that you will release another one in 2-3 years? Fans will connect the dots. Most SM artists normally release an album every year. If Jae said "maybe in the future", fans would have attacked SM. Who is promoting themselves as a soloist with no promise of continuation?

Plus, he could have recorded an OST. And there is that collab with the guy from Emotional Oranges (Jae will feuture on his upcoming album).

Taeyong booked a new cosmetic endorsement right before he left. It aired after his enlistment. Clio has a ton of footage with Jae, it will release it bit by bit the same way it does with DoWoo. Same for Prada. Jae was its BA long enough anyway. These contracts are for a few years only.

What do you mean "And for what?". 1) for 127 to comeback as whole sooner, 2) to reunite with Doyoung sooner, 3) if it's true that the army band only accepts up to 27 y.o., than this as well.

Jae will be in a band, he will be seen by gp. It is better to release a second album and go on a tour after enlistment in Jae's case. He is not known as a soloist yet. Imagine him getting some attention in US and then dissapearing for 2 years? You think people will hold on his name? No.

Jae didn't break the wall. His MV didn't go viral (3,6mln views as of now). Album sales and streams are from his fans. They will wait for him, especially knowing what to expect from him genre vise (= wanting more and anticipating).

It's not about me being observant, it's about common sense and "giving it a thought".

You said "Jaehyun is so popular now!". So what? With whom he is popular? With 127 fans and his solo fans. GP doesn't know him, as an actor he is not known, he is a nobody on the international scale as a soloist yet. Brands bag him because he is from SM, a part of a famous group, has 15mln followers on IG, and he is very handsome. In two years (1,5 actually) it will stay the same.

All these years Jaehyun was saying he wants a holiday. And you want him to have another squirrel in a wheel year after 10 years of exactly that for fame and brand deals he doesn't crave. A year alone, without Doyoung by his side, or at least Tae, Yuta, and Haechan?

Maybe trust idols in their late 20s themselves sometimes. Enlistment is their decision, a company can't force them to do it. Normally idols go the very last minute. When they go ahead of time, it's what they want and see as the best solution.

P.S. Sorry, forgot about the concert. So yeah, it was planned without him (but with Taeil, the main vocal, i.e. 7/9). They just couldn't say it. Look at other SM groups, they performed and gave concerts with few members as well. It will be 127 day concert. I was surprised it was scheduled so far in the future, but it makes sense given the context now (not a tour, just a special day performance).

[penguinmerchant]

Return to Sender--failed attempt

Well, this did not turn out well. I'm deciding to post it anyway because the front cover is so pretty I can't stand it and I'm hoping that maybe if I detail what went wrong it will either help someone else or prevent me from making the same mistake again. So here she is, my first failed binding of the first fic I've ever done for my own stuff (and goddamn I hope that's not a metaphor for something)

Just look at her. Gorgeous. Inspiration taken directly from this version of a Shakespeare book that I found on Pinterest. I just loved the cutout text in gold, the triangle in the middle that seemed like an envelope. Perfect for an epistolary novel, right? And the boyfriend did the graphic design again this time, carrying his burden of knowing exactly how crappy these things are to weed, and made it so that weeding was a particularly easy process. Now, actually getting this stuff to stick---that still sucked. The black went down really easy but the gold took forever to stick down, and I'm not really sure why. It took 30 seconds for the black to stick and probably 6 different sets of 30 seconds for the gold, same heat and everything. If anyone has any insights into how to get this cricut vinyl to act better, I'd appreciate it forever.

(But god, look at it. It's so pretty).

The back.

The spine.

And now to the horrors, under the cut.

So I guess the textblock came out crooked, or maybe I cut it crooked. I don't know where the badness came from, but look at how these endsheets (the beautiful, beautiful endsheets) came out.

Look how far down the left side of the block sits, and how high the right is. And to get it like that, the bottom looks like this:

It's practically falling out of the case. Also these headbands suck. I keep using them because they're the only gold ones I have but they just shred themselves to pieces, I hate them.

It's so bad, you guys. I could not get this block to sit straight no matter what I did. And to make it even worse, I figured out the way that it fit in the least horribly, and made a mark on it and everything, and then promptly attached the cover to the wrong side. I don't think it would have mattered much, but it would have only been like 80% bad instead of 90%.

I think--If I'm guessing here--that I somehow pressed the spine out of whack during one of the glue applications. Because by the numbers--and I did measure this thing about ten thousand times--it should have been even. But I think the spine kicked out in a really funny way that made it so it wouldn't lay flat on the boards, and so when I tried to case it in the spine pushed on the crooked part and wonked out the whole thing. And what I should have done was 1) Make boards that fit the wonkiness, try to even it out a little (even if it would have made the book itself sit funny), or, better yet, 2) redo the textblock and try and fit it into the already made boards. But I didn't. I just forged ahead and now I'm going to have to make another one from scratch because this is my story and I can't have it looking like this, it feels like too much to take that disrespect and/or laziness.

But at least I won't have to set the text again. Look at it. I found different handwritten fonts for each character that I felt like expressed their personalities. Laurent's is tidy and clean but with a few little flourishes.

Damen's is a little looser, a little scribblier.

And then Auguste's is my favorite, it's curly and sweepy and completely over the top.

There's a few more, these were just the most prominent ones. And the whole of the actual text is italicized. I know it's kind of annoying to read but just regular text looked way too jarring against the handwritten flourishes at the beginning and end, and the handwritten fonts were impossible to read once there was more than like, six words. I even tried putting in a typewriter-esque font, but that did not look right either. The italicized font bridged the gap, I think, and it's not too annoying to read in context, honestly.

Ugh, I'm so disappointed, even though I'll probably try to display this somewhere because the cover is so pretty lol. I think the lesson I need to take away from this and remember is that I need to stop when I see a problem come up. I knew from the time that I cut the boards that this wasn't going to work right, and I still went ahead and did it anyway because I thought I could force it and I wanted it to be done. And now I've wasted my beautiful duo cloth, those gorgeous marbled endpapers, and I'm going to have to do this again. Patience is definitely not something I have in spades but I'm going to keep this as a testament to how important it is to take your time and make sure that things are right before continuing.

[buckyswheezes]

Cruel Summer (Pt. 1/2)

Premise: Steve was 7, Bucky was 6, and you were 4 when you became family. And it was in the summer of your last year in high school when things started to change.

Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes / What doesn't kill me makes me want you more

author's note: First of all, this did not go the way I planned it to. Second, I was wrong; this isn't one-shot but a two-shot fic. Finally, I hope you guys like it. Again, @lokisblackwidow's post made me do this. Sorry if it's different from what you expected it to be.

warning: this fic contains cursing, sexual shit, and incest. Read at your own risk

It's been 15 years since your family moved to New York to start anew. The concrete jungle, skyscrapers, and bustling broadway shows were a stark contrast to California's tropical and easy-going nature. You were too young, though, to notice such things because you were just three years old at the time and mostly spent your time confused because you haven't seen your mom in a long time.

It's only been dad and your brother Steve for weeks now, and both didn't know how to tie your hair the way you like or read those bedtime stories you loved so much. Years later, you finally realized why -she died. The next thing you knew, you have a new mom and a new brother. It's been that way since.

"How's the college application going?" Steve's gruff voice came from the ongoing Facetime.

"I haven't had my breakfast. Can I please have my breakfast first?" You replied, annoyed. You didn't want to be reminded of that first thing in the morning. You slumped down on the seat beside your mom, and she handed you a cup of freshly brewed coffee. "Thanks, mom," You muttered.

Your dad sat on the other side of the table, flipping through the day's paper, and beside him sat Bucky, stuffing his face with bacon, completely ignoring the chaos around him. The empty seat beside him was where Steve sat (when he's home, that is, which was rare nowadays), but the tablet with his huge face plastered in it was placed on the space on the table, so it felt as if you were all still having breakfast together.

"Ooh, someone's grumpy."

"I'm gonna beat your ass when you get home." You threatened.

"Well, joke's on you 'cause I'm not."

"You're not?" Mom frowned.

Steve shifted to look at her. "I took a summer course this year, Biostats. It'll help with my thesis."

"You sure you're not just fonduing with Maryland girls in the summer?"

"Shut up, Buck. You're the playboy in the family, not me."

"Alright, boys!" Your mom chastised then turned to Steve again. "Well, you take care, and if you need anything, just give us a call."

"Will do."

Steve attended Johns Hopkins University -unarguably one of the best universities in America when it comes to Medicine. He'd always wanted to be a doctor, and even though he never said it, you knew it was because of your biological mom. He could've gotten into Harvard, but like you, Steve itched to get out of New York for a change of environment. It was only Bucky who didn't want to go anywhere, and so he attended NYU.

You love New York, no doubt about that. You grew up exploring its Burroughs, and the Central Park had been a staple in your formative years, but lately, you just wanted to get away from all of it. Recently, something changed, and you convinced yourself that it was because it's your last year in high school and you will be going to college soon.

But you knew there was something else. Well, maybe it was also because you turned 18 early this year, you're legal now, and with your going to college on the other side of the coast, you were excited to have a bit of freedom. CalArts was your first choice, being into Performing Arts and all that. Now, your parents weren't painfully strict, but being the youngest and only girl in the family, they couldn't help but be a little protective.

When Steve went to Baltimore two years ago, you were quite relieved. You get it; you're his only sister, but the way he used to hover around and scare away boys grated your nerves. You were just thankful that by sophomore year, he was gone. He'd passed on the mantle to Bucky, but he didn't really care -well, not as much as Steve did.

"Dad, don't forget you're picking me up later after school. I can't be late for my rehearsal." You reminded. Across the table, your old man's jaw dropped.

"I'm sorry, honey, was that today?"

"Uhh yeah, you forgot already?"

"Sorry, it slipped my mind, honey. How about you pick her up, Buck?" He turned to your step-brother.

"What?!" You shrieked in unison.

"I can't. I have stuff to do." He whined. You roll your eyes at his lame excuse.

"No, it's fine. I'll just ask Peter to come with me."

"Who's he, your new boyfriend?" Bucky spat.

You glared at him across the table. "No, he's not. I don't even have a boyfriend; you and Steve made sure of that." You downed the last of your coffee before shooting daggers at him once more. "Don't pick me up. Go do your stuff."

"Bucky…" It was mom's turn to speak.

"Fine!" He grumbled.

————

"Bye, Peter. See you around!" You stood up from the bench where you and your friend sat as soon as you saw Bucky drove up the school's entrance.

You don't know what your step-brother's problem was, but lately, he'd been nothing but irritable and annoyed, especially with your presence. You didn't wait for him to call you, so you jogged as quickly as you could across the schoolyard, silently climbing on the passenger seat as soon you reached where he pulled over.

You cast a wary glance at him; he didn't speak to you since you got on. He didn't even acknowledge your presence. His jaw was set, and he was intent on ignoring you, it seems, for the duration of the ride.

You and Bucky weren't always like this. You two were close; you played a lot when you were kids, you built forts, you wrestled, you chased each other with whatever gooey stuff you put your little hands on. Over the years, he became distant. You'd started to feel distant when Bucky and Steve entered junior high -you just couldn't relate to the stuff they talk about anymore. You're still very close with Steve, but with Bucky, he just drifted further away, especially when you entered high school. Bucky was only two years ahead, so you always saw him around during your freshman year. He was very popular, it seems. Senior girls used to befriend you in hopes of getting close to your step-brother.

You couldn't take it any more of his animosity, so you fully faced him, shifting in your seat. "Have I done something wrong, Buck?"

He looked at you incredulously for a second before turning his attention back on the road.

Annoyed at his lack of response, you hit his shoulder with your fist.

"What the hell y/n! I'm driving. Do you want us to die?!" He growled.

You retreated back to your seat, feeling remorseful for a second. Only for a second, then you burst out crying. "I hate you! I wish you're not my brother!"

You heard him chuckle, but he obviously wasn't amused. "Yeah, wish you weren't my sister too."

———

Bucky was in his last year in high school when he noticed it. He was waiting outside the school library because you said you needed to borrow a book before the two of you go home.

When Steve went off to college, he promised he'd look after you. He noticed firsthand how guys from all grade levels flock to you, hoping they'd catch your attention. Now, Bucky knew what these guys really want, and that's to get in your pants. Over his dead body would he allow that to transpire. So you two always walked home together.

He craned his neck to peek through the giant doors, wondering what's taking you long when he saw you chatting with a guy. His brows furrowed while his lips formed a thin, grim line.

Your smile reached your ears, your eyes glistened in obvious delight, and your cheeks flushed. Your shy gaze was directed at the guy in front of you.

Bucky frowns even more, when the guy ruffled your hair, a gesture that only he has the right to do (he believes). He felt a vein in his head pop in irritation. He felt like punching someone.

"Hey, Buck, let's go!" You chimed, pulling him out of his murderous thoughts.

"Who were you talking to?"

"Oh, that's Stephen. A junior in the dance club." You almost giggled.

"Huh." He scoffed.

The next time he noticed it happen was when he stayed around to watch your cheer dance rehearsals. Your skimpy cheerleader outfit didn't leave much to the imagination; that's why he decided to hover around, ready to pounce on whoever looked at you the funny.

Bucky looked away for a second to glance at his phone when screams filled the schoolyard. The next thing he knew, you were in the air -free-falling. He ran as fast as his feet could take him to catch you, his heart pounding in his ears. Fortunately, someone was there to catch you before you hit the ground.

You fell on top of the guy -Stephen. He gritted his teeth, half-annoyed, half-grateful at the piece of shit. He saw how you stayed on top of him for a few seconds more; furiously blushing. The moment he reached you, Bucky yanked you up and from the guy's body.

"You okay?" He fussed, searching your body for any sign of injury.

"I'm fine, Buck. Stephen caught me." You bit your lip as you shyly looked back at the guy. "Umm, thanks again."

"Yeah, thanks, man," Bucky grumbled, pulling you away from the group.

The way your body rested on another guy just didn't sit well with him. Once again, he felt like punching someone, and that someone is Stephen. He hated the way the guy was always around you. Bucky was sure what his motive was, and he'll never let him get it.

"I want ice cream." You muttered later that afternoon on your way home.

Bucky scoffed at your request. "What are you, five?"

You stopped walking and faced him, a pout on your lips. "Steve always buys me ice cream."

"Well, I'm not Steve."

"Please, I fell off someone's shoulder and almost hit my head. What if I died?"

"What has that got to do with ice cream?"

"I hate you. You're the worst brother, ever."

Bucky chuckled at your antics; he knew you didn't mean it. You just say that to get what you want because when you were kids, Steve and he used to compete for the Best Brother Award. "Fine." He conceded with a smile. He grabbed your grabbed, and you both ran to the nearest ice cream parlor, ordering one big bowl of banana split sundae and stuffing your faces.

Bucky's whole body tensed when your moans filled your ears. He didn't mind it back then, you were young and innocent, but now, Bucky couldn't ignore the sound spilling from your mouth. Sweat dripped down his nape.

This isn't right.

Your moans seem to ring louder in his ears. The way you licked your spoon clean was not helping his situation either. Bucky thinks about the thin line between sanity and insanity when the chocolate syrup trickled from your lips down to your chin until it reached the supple skin of your neck.

"I need to go to the bathroom." He muttered and hastily jolted from his seat, scrambling away from you. Bucky has a growing problem inside his pants, and he needs to take care of it.

Stop this, Bucky, you need to stop this! His mind chastised while his hands unbuckled his belt. You shouldn't feel this… this way towards her. He's your step-sister. It's wrong.

As soon as he reached his release, he made up his mind. He'll stay away from you; kinda impossible since you both live in the same house, but he'll try his best for both your sakes.

Bucky stopped waiting for you after school. He stopped watching your rehearsals. He stopped helping you with your Math home works and, much to your mom's surprise, he started watching evening dramas with her in the living room every night.

So to answer your question, the one you shot at him when he picked you up from school that day. Yes, you did something wrong.

You grew up. And it's been hard for him to see you as his step-sister ever since.

——————

The last day of school finally rolled in, and you intended to enjoy summer before you start college. What you didn't see coming, though, was being left alone with Bucky for one whole week because your parents are going on a cruise.

"Can't I come with you?" You pleaded, eyes wide as you hauled your mom's baggage into the back of the taxi.

"Sorry, honey. Promise, we'll be back as soon as we can." She replied before giving you a hug.

"Don't leave me here. Bucky's gonna bully me all week."

"He won't, right Bucky?" She raised a brow at him, who stood with his arms crossed, looking annoyed.

"Try not to destroy the house while we're away." Was their final reminder before they went on their way.

Bucky was the first one to get back inside the house. Dread ate up your insides; you two haven't spoken since the car ride. You decided once and for all to get things straight with him. So you marched inside about five minutes later.

Bucky heard you barge in his room, but he remained still -eyes closed and pretending to be asleep. He jolted up when you unceremoniously hit his stomach with a pillow.

"What the hell, y/n?!" He snarled, clearly pissed at your assault.

Your nose flared at his attitude. "What is your problem, James Barnes?" You growled in return.

"Am I the one with a problem here?"

"Oh, come on! You know what I mean!"

Bucky pushed past you; you trailed behind, following his figure towards the living room. He needed to get away from you, fast. It irked him that you wouldn't stay the fuck out of his way. You'd even come and gone into his room. Bucky couldn't take it; he'd go crazy.

"Why are you avoiding me? Bucky!… Bucky! Answer me, damn it!"

"I don't know what you're talking about, y/n. So, leave me alone." He was about to reach the door when you threw yourself in front of it, barring his way out. "Move."

"NO! You're not going anywhere until you tell me what's wrong." You crossed your arms, planting your feet firmly on the floor. You weren't gonna let this day end without knowing why Bucky acts the way he does. If it was something that you did, then you'd wholeheartedly make it right, but you'll never know if he keeps on brushing you off. So, here you are.

"Y/n, move." Bucky hissed menacingly."

"No, Bucky." You replied in the same manner.

After your brief glaring contest, Bucky finally looked away, sighing in defeat. "Fine. Something's not right, okay? But it's not you, it's… it's… me, so let me handle this myself."

You relaxed and took a step closer to him. "Can't you tell me? I might be able to help."

Bucky looked away. How could he possibly tell you that he's harboring un-brotherly feelings towards you -his step-sister. How could he possibly tell you that you turn him on, that he's having inappropriate thoughts about you for a year now? How could he possibly tell you that he might be falling in love with you?

All those times you spent together when Steve was gone. The times you intently and genuinely listened to his adolescent problems. The times you cheered for him when he played football in high school. You were his number one fan. You were so different from the others, and he hated how it made him look at you differently. He hated when you boys started coming into your life. He always believed that you had a special place in your heart for him, but now he feared that anyone might snatch that place from him. You were his best girl.

Bucky grimaced at his realization. He finally admitted to himself that he is, indeed, falling in love with you. He felt angry at himself. How could he let this happen? He thought he was in control of his emotions.

"Eventually, I'll tell you. But not now." He said softly, hoping you'd let him go.

But you were persistent. "No, Bucky. I want you to tell me now." You demanded.

"Y/n," He growled loudly this time. "Move out of my way!"

"I won't until you tell me."

"Move!"

"Just tell me!"

Bucky's resolve broke. The sirens in his mind went off, but he ignored them as he strode towards you intently. He smirked when your bravado faltered before vanishing completely when he pushed you against the door; your bodies pressed together, making sure you could feel the tent growing against his pants.

Your eyes widened in shock. "Wha-"

"You wanna know why? Huh," He asked through gritted teeth, his face hovered dangerously close to yours that you could feel the hot breath coming through his nose. Bucky didn't give you time to answer because he roughly crashed his lips towards yours. He wasted no time shoving his tongue inside your mouth.

Bucky could feel your hands against his chest, pushing him away. He could hear the muffled pleas of protest as he relentlessly assaulted your mouth. His lips left yours only to find themselves on your neck, sucking on your skin.

"Bu.. Bucky.. stop.. s-s-top." Tears cascaded down your cheeks, but you were frozen in spot, unable to wipe them away.

But Bucky ignored your appeal. He continued sucking your skin while his hands traveled your side, feeling you up. When he couldn't get enough of you, he bit the skin on your shoulder.

You yelped in pain. "Stop! Stop, get off me!"

Still, Bucky did not listen. Dissatisfied with his actions, he dragged and threw you towards the couch; he straddled over you, your hands pinned on the cushion. You squirmed beneath him, trying to escape his hold.

Bucky pulled your shirt up and found his lips back on your skin again; this time, he latched on your erect nipple and sucked as if his life depended on it. When he was done abusing both your buds, he moved to kiss your lips again, but your tear-stricken face met his eyes.

Bucky went stiff as a board, and you used that opportunity to push him, backing off as far as you can from him. Your loud sobs filled the house as you sank to a pool at your feet, hugging your knees to yourself.

You couldn't believe what your step-brother had done. Your mind couldn't begin to fathom his actions.

Bucky sat motionless, his horror-struck at his deed. He bit back the long line of profanities that ran inside his head as he stared dumbfounded at your crumpled figure.

A painful pang of guilt washed over him like a tidal wave. What had he done?

"Y/n.. I-I'm… I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He said and scrambled out of the house.

Bucky didn't come home for three days while you spent it in a daze.

Bucky kissed you; he put his tongue inside your mouth. He touched you in your private parts. He sucked on your nipple while you lay beneath him. He held you like a lover would.

But he was your brother; why would he do that?

The sound of the front door opening pulled you out from your thoughts. Your gaze met Bucky's; he had dark circles around his eyes, and you wondered briefly whose house he crashed when he didn't come home.

"Bucky…" You stood from the couch and approached him.

Bucky liked that about you. You were brave and face things head-on; you're not one to back down, just cause you were scared. But he doesn't think he could handle you right now, not after what he's done. He walked past you, intent on ignoring you.

"After what you did, I at least deserve to know the truth, don't you think?"

Your words hit home. You were right; you deserved at least that much. Sighing, he turned back and sat down on the couch.

"I know this is downright wrong, but I'm in love with you, y/n," Bucky confessed softly, and he heard your small gasp.

"But, we're… I'm your sister."

"step-sister," He corrected. "I can't help it. I love you more than a step-brother could love his step-sister. I love you as a woman y/n. I tried to stop it, but it was hard."

You deserved to know the truth no matter how disgusting, condemning, or how sinful it was.

"I am still trying." Bucky continued, and this time, he gave you a firm look. "And I need, need you to help me."

Your heart skipped a beat. "What do you want me to do, Buck?"

"Stay away from me."

You pulled back in shock. "But-"

"No buts!" He hissed. "Can't you see how hard this is for me? You think it's easy to stay away from you when I love you?" He pleaded. "After this, I want you to stay away, don't talk to me unless it's a life or death situation."

"Mom and dad will notice."

"Then don't make them notice." He got up and approached you, then reached for your hand, clasping them together. "Please, y/n, you have to."

With a heavy heart, you nodded. Bucky moved and gave you a quick peck on the forehead, and it felt like goodbye.

Weeks quickly flew by, fortunately for the both of you, your parents didn't notice a thing. You bickered like you used to during breakfast, but both of you knew that it was forced. When they weren't around, which was much since both of them worked, you barely talked to each other and were barely left alone in the house.

Bucky spent most of his time playing basketball -his new hobby to get his mind off you. He's always gone during weekends playing with his college friend Sam Wilson. You saw the guy once when Bucky invited him to dinner with your family. After that, Sam can frequently be seen in the house. Your parents were cool with it since Steve didn't come home for summer.

One afternoon, Sam was there again; you could hear their banter all the way up to your room. However, what really bothered you though was the presence of a woman -Sharon. She's Bucky and Sam's classmate in one of their class, and along with Sam, she started hanging out at your house.

You groaned, annoyed. You couldn't focus on the application essay you were supposed to write with that woman's shrill voice downstairs. You slammed your fist against your study table, intent on giving the three a piece of your mind. You stood up and marched downstairs, catching their attention.

Sharon sat between Sam and Bucky, and they were pretty occupied with a mobile game before you came.

"Can you guys keep it down? You're not the only people in the house."

"Oops, sorry, y/n." Sharon squeaked.

"We'll keep it down," Sam promised.

You just nodded before glaring at Bucky, who did not even acknowledge your presence. You grumbled something before storming back to your room, slamming the door close.

Sharon and Sam ended up having dinner with them again. With Sharon seated beside Bucky, again. Your mom told them to drop by again. And, Bucky walked Sharon home, again.

And you were getting tired of this. You wanted to help Bucky, but you can't just sit back and watch him replace you with someone else. No, you can't allow it. This has to stop.

You waited for Bucky to come home; you were in his room sitting on his bed with a determined look on your face.

As soon as Bucky stepped inside, he was shoved against the door, making it slam close. He winced at the pain on his back, but he was startled and shocked when he felt your lips connect with his in a searing kiss. His first instinct was to push you away, but his desire got the better of him. His eyes slipped close, and he kissed you back passionately.

Bucky's thoughts were in a haze as both your lips danced with each other. It didn't take long for him to invade the warmth of your mouth, fingers tangling themselves into your hair, while your hands curled around the front of his shirt, trapped between your heated bodies.

"Why," He moaned before pulling away.

Your ragged breaths filled the room; you looked at him with glistening eyes. "I don't care anymore, Bucky. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to be replaced by Sam or Sharon or anyone else." A tear escaped your eye, and it cascaded down your cheek.

Bucky leaned down and kissed it away, the salty taste lingering in his tongue.

"I want you back, Bucky."

Bucky felt a painful tug on his heart at the sight. He loves you, but he was also the one making you cry. He cannot bear the thought of hurting you. He caressed your cheek and gazed at you lovingly, longingly.

"You're making this hard for me, y/n. For the both of us."

You shook your head once more and pulled his face close to yours. "I don't care anymore, James Barnes. Love me any way you want, just don't… don't leave me again."

Bucky froze at your words. He pulled away then grasped both your shoulders. "Y/n, you don't know what you're saying."

"I do. I'm not a child anymore. I want how we used to be; if accepting your love could get things back to the way it was, I accept it.

Bucky shook his head. "No,…no y/n, nothing will ever be the same if you let me love you the way I want to."

Your face visibly fell at his words. Feeling hopeless, you asked. "Why?"

"Why?" Bucky asked back softly. "Because unlike then, I'll kiss you more like this…" He started and gave you a sensual kiss on the lips. "I'll hold your hand like this…" His hand went to yours, and he intertwined your fingers.

"We used to do that when we were kids."

Bucky just hummed in response. "And I'll pull you close to me like this…" He continued and did just as he said. He pulled you against his heated body and inhaled your scent. "And you'll always ignite that burning feeling inside me, y/n. So, unless you get used to these things, I will not let you do this."

"But we used to do some of those."

"It's going to be a lot different now."

"I don't care. I'm used to it. In fact, I miss it. Don't ever leave me again, Bucky, please. I love you so much."

Bucky's eyes widened in surprise. He could feel the rapid beating of your heart against his. He pulled you in once more for a passionate kiss.

"I love you too, y/n. You don't know how much you make me happy."

[trashcankitty12]

Stella Headcanons:

You know her. You love her. 

She’s bubbly, she’s fun. (And she’s pretty funny.)

She’s Princess Stella Sol of Solaria. 

(These headcanons are all in relation to my ‘main verse’, which is the New Company of Light/Balance Verse. And it can also translate into my Left verse.)

Under the cut because it’s long.

About Stella:

-Her fear of heights comes from a major fall she took as a child off of her grandfather’s pet dragon. (He was teaching her how to ride and… She wasn’t holding onto it well enough and down she went.)

-Stella is fluent in nearly 56 of the Magical Dimensions languages. (She was to stick to the languages spoken by the realms who interacted most with Solaria.)

-After meeting Bloom and spending a little time on Earth, Stella is also trying to learn a few of the Earth’s languages. (She’s mastered English and Spanish, but she’s still working on French and Russian.)

-She loves sweets. (And food in general. But considering she’s Solarian, that’s to be expected. They tend to eat more than most people in the Magical Dimension.)

-Stella may or may not glow in the dark. (It’s something she can control and she has to be focused to do it. She inherited that gift from her mother.)

-Stella’s mother was religious and has a close relationship to the Moons, while her father, despite being so close in relationship to the Suns of Solaria, isn’t religious. Stella personally has mixed feelings on religion. She likes the idea of spirituality and having a higher power to rely on, but organized religion makes her heart hurt. (They tend to talk down about those who don’t follow a ‘certain’ way of life, which to Stella isn’t a cool thing to do, unless, of course, the other people are actually hurting someone else.)

-She was almost a big sister. Her mother had been pregnant when she was seven. (They don’t ever talk about it. And, as an adult, Stella can see where this was a turning point for her parents and their relationship. Her mother just wasn’t quite the same after losing Diana.)

-Stella is a dog person and was so happy when she finally got a puppy for her birthday one year. (The dog was her best friend and her main confidant.) Unfortunately, Stella’s dog only made it to four years old. (It had an illness that not even magic could fix.)

-Stella hasn’t been able to stomach the thought of another dog since. (However, Brandon may or may not offer for them to get a dog later on. You know, as their “first child”.)

-Stella can spot patterns without trying. It’s so ingrained in her after being around fashion, and the practical applications of pattern spotting have made her life so much easier.

-Here’s the thing about Stella… She’s somewhat dyslexic. Words and reading do not come easily to her. On the flip side, Stella can give one hellova speech. Her charisma and charm make her a natural at hyping up a crowd.

-Stella had a fairy godmother until she was 13. An elderly woman named Glinda. Glinda helped Stella with her shyness and in her first fashion attempts. And Glinda was the one who helped Stella gain her magic winx the first time with encouragement and confidence. (After all, how else should a future queen bring out her power?)

-After gaining her wings, her father gifted her the Ring of Solaria. It was done in a ceremony to the Suns and Moons of Solaria and the Ring had to choose Stella just as it had Radius and their family before them. Once Stella and the Ring bonded, she shifted for the first time in public to show off her wings and magic. Her parents couldn’t have been prouder.

-She went to a private school on Solaria for her elementary and middle school education years, but she was somewhat isolated due to being the Princess of Solaria (making the other kids judge her ahead of time as some sort of prim and proper prep they didn’t want around) and due to some of her ‘uncool’ hobbies.

-(Those uncool hobbies? Stella is actually into comics and superheroes, but until meeting the rest of the Winx, she wasn’t interested in sharing that side of herself. Solarian Comics actually helped Stella with reading because of their writing structure. Stella is also a fan of learning cultures and wanting to see what benefits other places and if it could be replicated to help Solaria. And Stella was kind of a… Horse girl. She spent many, many, many summers and school holidays at her maternal uncle’s horse ranch in the Western Spaces of Solaria.)

-Stella tends to use her solar powers more than her lunar ones. It’s not because she doesn’t feel close to her mother or to her mother’s family, it’s just a little more difficult for her tap into that part of her magic. (Solar magic is easy and tapped into by thinking of warm and splendid times. Lunar magic requires a bit more… Reflection. And Stella doesn’t like having to think too long about things. Not because she can’t, but because if she starts to really think about things, she tends to overthink them which leads her down a dark rabbit hole.)

-Stella’s best friend growing up was Nova Rinae, despite being two years older than the other girl. Nova’s mother is the head of Luna’s guard, and Nova was often in the palace. (Making her one of the few children always around. And because she shared several of Stella’s interests, they clicked rather quickly.)

-(Her parents also encourage this friendship as it’s important to them for Stella to be close to those who may serve alongside her when its time for her to become queen. Friendships can be turned into unwavering loyalty, and that can mean life or death in certain situations.)

-Before she ever got her magic, Stella’s parents thought she may end up being the ‘New Host’ for the Light Dragon. (Bloom was never found, which meant no one could say for certain what happened to the Light Dragon, other than it had to be alive still. Otherwise the Balance would have been off.)

-Because of their thoughts on her having the Light Dragon, Stella was taught basic hand-to-hand skills as a child and was instructed to be wary of “golden eyes” in the shadows. She was also to learn Solaria’s history as well as Domino’s. (Though Stella mostly paid attention to how the two worlds overlapped instead of their separate histories.)

-Stella actually knew Layla, Sky, and Diaspro as children. But because so much can change from being five years old to being 15/16, she didn't recognize them when they met again. (They had all been at a major conference for the realms and while their parents ‘talked shop’, they went to play. It was their first and last time together like that until years later.)

-Despite being a princess, Stella tends to be a bit messy. At least, as far as her room itself. Her workspaces (wardrobe and vanity and tailoring areas) are the most well-kept areas in her care. (She likes to work in clean spaces… But in her room, the space where she lives, she likes it to look lived in.)

-Stella originally got into fashion at about 10 years old in an attempt to get closer to her mother. Her mother always had work to do as a queen, and for her off-time, she went to fashion shows (which in a way, were also work, because as a queen she’s expected to be aware of trends and present herself in a certain way). So to spend more time with her mother, Stella started having an interest in fashion. (Which quickly became a hobby she loved when she found the different ways she could express herself with fashion.)

-In a bid to get closer to her father, Stella took a major interest in cooking. (Her father can bake. He’s messy at it, but by the Dragons do his pastries and cookies taste of heaven.) Granted, Stella didn’t inherit the baking skill, but she can recite recipes and judge pastries and baked goods like its her job. (And for some of Solaria’s festivals, it is.)

-Have I mentioned she’s an expert equestrian in the Solarian Rodeo? Her go-to is barrel racing and square-dancing competitions, and she’s even dipped her toes into riding the bronco and in cattle roping.

-Stella has far-sightedness. She can see things far away, but things up close are blurred. She used to wear glasses, but after elementary school, she swapped to contacts. (However she does still wear glasses and keeps them close by just in case. They’re a stylish silver-blue and not quite thick-framed.)

-Stella has formal training in ballroom dancing. (Her favorite is the Eraklyon Tango. Or at least, it has been for the past few years. Wonder why…?)

-Stella also has a minor fear of spiders. (It’s not really a fear either… More like a squick. She doesn’t like them, but she doesn’t mind them being around if she doesn’t have to see them. It’s because one of her school teachers thought a great Life Lesson would be for the class to witness his pet tarantula eat a live meal. Not fun for little Stella.)

(Not fun for him either, once the parents got a hold of him…)

-Stella lied about what happened during her ‘real’ first year at Alfea. She honestly did blow up the Potion’s Lab… But it wasn’t because she was researching color theories…

-Just before Stella was meant to leave for Alfea, like a week or two before, she found out from Nova, NOVA, that her parents were getting a divorce. Luna and Radius never told her. Her friend told her.

-Stella didn’t want to leave after that, afraid that if she was gone, she couldn’t help them patch things up. (She truly believed they could work this out. She just needed to be there. She needed them to see her and remember why they fell in love.)

-They dropped Stella off, but still didn’t discuss or leave room to discuss the divorce. (Stella didn’t want to let them know she knew because she didn’t want Nova in trouble for listening in on their mothers’ conversations.)

-Which led to a panicked Stella trying desperately to pretend to be okay while in the presence of the others. (She’s a princess, she can’t show despair. Especially without reason.)

-Stella was angry that her parents still hadn’t talked to her and that they had sent her away. She was feeling left out and scared and confused. They were in love. Right?!

-So she started doing small things around Alfea to try and get her suspended. Not expelled, just suspended. (She needed time at home, before the holidays.)

-She verbally attacked other Alfea students, playing up the pompous princess act. No luck. She mocked Palladium. No luck. She even cut classes. No luck. So as a last resort, without having to go to Cloud Tower and stir trouble up there, was to mess around in the potion’s lab. It worked… Too well.

-She was expelled and sent back to Solaria. Her parents were upset with her, and disappointed (which was the worst ever for Stella who really wanted their approval in everything). Stella broke down and finally told them that she knew and that she didn’t want her family to break apart. That she was scared and shaken and angry. Angry that they could pretend so well that everything was fine when it obviously wasn’t.

-Luna and Radius decided to try a form of family counseling to try and help Stella. (They hated seeing their daughter so upset, but they knew in the long run that staying together would have damaged her further. She didn’t need to grow up with constant arguing and avoiding each other, that wasn’t a love story they wanted her to follow.)

-(They also explained the situation to Faragonda and promised to pay for the damages. Faragonda allowed Stella to return within the next school year if her progress with the counselor went well.)

-Stella, even though still upset with her parents’ divorce, was a bit more accepting of it after taking the school year to focus on them as a family. (Even one that was split.)

-Stella does have hope they’ll reunite, but she understands a bit more now why they split up. (And even though they are in separate palaces, Luna taking residence in the Lunar Sections now, she knows they love her very much.)

[youspoketome]

The Get Up Kids - Eudora (2001)

I went to college in the middle of nowhere, far too long of a drive to keep working at Wal-Mart, so I knew I was going to have to find a new job once school started. After orientation, my mom and I drove around trying to find somewhere I would be ok with working at that was also close enough to the middle of nowhere. We found a Hollywood Video that I applied at, but really ended up figuring the best we'd be able to find would be at the Ridgedale mall, about a half hour drive from school.

I forget how many places I picked up applications for that day. I'm pretty sure I tried Suncoast, and not Zumiez (I had long since given up on ever figuring out how to olley, and had overcompensated by becoming decidedly anti-/way too punk rock for skateboarding) or Sam Goodie (I remember walking in, seeing N'Sync or the Backstreet Boys on the TV screens and turning around and walking back out), but I know for a fact that I skipped Hot Topic. My friends and I did not go there except maybe to make fun of things. By this time I had learned that real punks did not do two things: (1) use the word "punk," and (2) shop at Hot Topic. Real punks bought their band t-shirts online, and so did I. So there was no way I was ever going to consider working at Hot Topic.

I did buy a couple t-shirts though. They were buy one get one half off.

A couple days later I went back to the mall with my friend Kevin to turn in the applications I had picked up. For some reason I decided to go back to the stores I'd skipped and picked up another handful of applications that I filled out in the car, and HT was one of those. I was still not terribly serious about getting a job there though, so when Kevin asked if he could draw a picture in the "additional information" space on the back page I told him to go ahead. So of course, out of all the applications I turned in that day, the only place that called me for an interview was the one I had let my friend draw a picture on the back of the application. (I found out later that the drawing was actually the reason I didn't get put in the pass pile.)

I did well enough in the interview to get the job, despite my awkward Green Day T-shirt under an unbuttoned Goonies workshirt combo I never wore any other time in my life. (I had thought "interview means button up shirt, but Hot Topic means Goonies shirt, then panicked walking into the mall thinking I was overdressed and unbuttoned the whole thing.) When I first started, there was a drawer full of CDs for in-store play that at the start of every shift each of the employees working that night would grab from to put into a 5-disc changer that would play on shuffle in the store. At that point most of the CDs in that drawer were of bands I either didn't like, had never heard of, or both. So most nights while other people were picking albums by Tool, System of a Down, VNV Nation and Basement Jaxx, I pretty much just alternated between choosing Operation Ivy and Green Day's Warning.

Over time I discovered more though, as I'd hear a song play that I liked and I'd walk over to the CD player and see which album was playing. The two biggest ones that I kept walking over to check on were Reggie and the Full Effect's Promotional Copy and the Get Up Kids' Eudora. I had no idea one was a side project of the other, they just were the first bands I'd heard that represented a new sound I was getting into.

In high school during the Napster days a friend had tried to get me to check out Reggie, but since the albums all had weird fake songs and sketches, she kept telling to listen to a song title that was actually a weird, distorted voice talking for about 2 seconds. I just ended up being really confused and didn't follow up on it.

The Get Up Kids I had never heard of before. Honestly, I'm not sure who put them in the CD player that first time I discovered them, because no one else at that store liked them. But they caught my attention quickly enough that soon I was the one putting the CD in regularly.

I don't really remember what specifically called out to me and made me love those bands, but there was something about them that caused me to stop what I was doing and walk over to the CD player to find out who it was that was playing. But this installment is less about the bands themselves and more about how I discovered them. Yes, I still love Reggie and The Get Up Kids to this day, and yes, they really started steering me in a new direction musically. But they were also the first two bands I discovered through work at Hot Topic. I would work there for basically the next 12 years, and it would become directly or indirectly the largest influence on my musical tastes for most of that time.

[9w1ft]

☔️

it’s been about a month now since TSL shut down. i’ve been thinking of how best to summarize my thoughts on the odd things that happened to me there and i’ve decided it’s best to split my thoughts up into a few posts. this is my first!

so, for starters! drumroll pleaaaaaase 🥁 i would like to clear the air.. i am very excited to say that i have properly identified and spoken to the real KalindaKing!

you may or may have noticed before the app shut down, but KalindaKing actually @‘d me in one of her final posts on the app, saying she had seen my theory but that sadly she is an only child.

unfortunately, yes, KalindaKing was not Kimby Kloss. i uhh, take it she herself confirmed it for me recently!

actually, about a month after posting my theory, a mutual of mine tipped me off to a social media post that seemed to be from someone who might be KalindaKing (the gist of the post was, to paraphrase, i saw a theory that i’m karlie’s sister. i wish!), and i had been keeping tabs on it for some time. the post did not get any traction (no likes, no shares) so there was no way to verify if it was related, but doing some digging and cross-referencing photos and whatnot i was left plenty suspicious.

So about 3 months went by after i had my lede on who it could be, and then 48 hours away from app shutdown KalindaKing @‘d me on TSL... so i decided to take the jump and direct message the suspicious person on social media. and, we had a match! it was her!

Can i just say she is just as delightful as she was on TSL? it was an honor to chat with her. turns out she is an active moderator under the same username on another app by the same company.

actually, 😂 the KK part is really a funny coincidence.. see, the moderator who went by the username KalindaKing on TSL originally created that username for herself because she is a moderator on the Kim Kardashian Hollywood app under the same username (she gave me permission to say that), and, alliteration, so go figure! it would appear i exquisitely took my conjectures a twist too far.

this moderator is a professional, so she did not disclose that much to me, but I was able to learn that the ‘TheSwiftLife’ account was the responsibility of her and someone else. She mentioned that Social (ie twitter/fb) was run by her. Someone else was helping out on the TSL app, ie, that account that gave out those persnickety taymoji gifts on the app. 🤨

for those of you who followed my theory closely, this newly confirmed information has likely allowed you to come to the same heartening conclusion that i did: this means that the “message to taylor” function on the app is in all likelihood indeed something that only taylor can see, or, isn’t accessible to just any glu employee. yes, those personal private messages to her were in fact kept private 🥰. that is to say, leading up to my big guess post, i had disclosed the content of my guess (that kimby was KalindaKing) using this function, asking for the go ahead here on tumblr. my theory is whoever the someone is that was helping out with the TheSwiftLife account did not have access to my secret messages, and that’s where the miscommunication between me and them occurred. oops...

if you are new here, you are probably wondering how sound this logic could be. it would also seem to be completely possible that the TheSwiftLife account simply didn't know i existed / had never read anything from me / had never interacted with me through the app.

to that i say:

i now have proof that at least one moderator from the app read my theory back in October 2018

i now have proof that the same moderator @‘d me in response to the theory 48 hours before the app closed on February 1st, despite having know about it for three months.. so i take it that it merited addressing

let me walk you through a sampler of five ‘interactions’ that occurred with me and TheSwiftLife between August and October of last year:

interaction one: 8/1 Puzzle Heart..

after showcasing some interest in the taymoji gifts and crafting my theory of what they meant, i had seen a through line in terms of the overall message being conveyed but was unsure of any of this was real. i posted here on tumblr for the taymoji gods to send me sign, and the TheSwiftLife account gave out a puzzle heart with the flavor text “put the pieces together” the chances of that taymoji being picked to be given out are, i would say, 1/128 chances. the gift giving was mainly from within a pool of the 64 song-based taymoji packs and always of one of the two rare taymoji from either pack, so, 64x2=128

interaction two, 8/29 Rabbit...

following a week of ttb using the emoji rabbit to welcome some anons into the kaylor fandom, TheSwiftLife gave out a rabbit with the flavor text “Fell down the rabbit hole...”

interaction three: 9/12 Pixels..

things felt surreal following the rabbit... so i asked TSL here on tumblr to show me a sign that proved they knew me and saw me. i said there was one taymoji out of them all (of which there are 653) that represented me. i had hoped for the pixel art heart taymoji, as it says in my profile here that i am a pixel artist... i assumed if TSL wanted to respond to my request, they’d poke around my blog and make that connection. 13 days after i made the post, they gave out that exact one. in response, i mentioned what a lovely birthday present this was, as it was coming 13 days before my birthday (i’m born on 9/25)

interaction four: 9/21 Balloons...

between the pixel heart and this next gift, i came to the conclusion that kimby could be spearheading the TheSwiftLife account (given an interaction between this blog and kimby’s instagram stories involving a yacht company), and, as i love cheesy things, i made the extra (flawed) assumption that, given KalindaKing appeared to be a pen name, it would be super duper ingenious if the KK stood for Kimby Kloss. i sent this prediction in the “secret message for taylor” function on TSL, assuming (incorrectly) whoever was on the other side could read it, and posted here on tumblr simply that “i know who you’ve been, and i take it you want me to share?” The next gift that TheSwiftLife gave out were a set of red balloons from the Mine pack, with the caption “Speak now if it’s your birthday this month”

interaction five: 10/1 Umbrella...

even so, i was very hesitant to go through with pushing my theory. it felt, again, unreal. so, i put up one more test... i asked here on tumblr something in the form of a riddle. I decided to phrase a request for them to give a taymoji in the form of a question. knowing the full range of taymoji possibilities, i picked the flavor text of a taymoji that had never been given out, and a double-rare one (which weren’t given out often) the umbrella, and put out my question: do you have my back even if it rains down on me? and the next gift given out was the very umbrella i expected, which has the flavor text “Don’t worry. I’ve got you covered!”

this span of time in particular (not limited to, but especially) is why i have a hard time not believing kaylor is real. why would taylor’s team let any of this fly, that is, why would they allow a bubbly and vocal kaylor experience this if kaylor wasn’t true?

i encourage everyone to look through my blog archive from August to October to see how it played out! it won’t take that long and i think it’s more interesting than just this post. it’s a sweet slice of time... happening before the political post, and then, the ‘wedding’ thing.

and: if you are to believe that this is all just coincidence, then you have to logically assume that every of the above interactions happened at random, with TheSwiftLife drawing from a catalog of over 100 possible choices each time, and accidentally giving something relevant each time. i am not even going to cover the many many other strange alignments between what i post on here and what kimby posts on instagram. the probability of these taymoji is enough.

even taking out of account the probability of the timing of each, and just looking at it like a kid’s math problem, it’s quite a rare outcome.

what is the probability of insinuating 5 specific symbols and drawing those 5 specific symbols out of 5 bags with 128 different symbols inside each, one after the other? 1/128 x 1/128 x 1/128 x 1/128 x 1/128 = 1/34,359,738,368

a one in 34 billion chance of it happening if it happened randomly.

you only think 3 out of the 5 coincidences above are legit? well that still an over one in two million chance. only believe in one of them? still just an 0.8% chance.

and i picked these five interactions because they hilight five times where there really couldn’t have been multiple “applicable” taymoji responses. i tried to cut out that grey zone for you, because there’s plenty of grey examples to pick from. i suppose with the balloons, they could have picked any birthday-looking taymoji and accompanied the gift with the same caption.. but in that case, it means you have to calculate the chances of them writing the birthday messaging after what happened with the pixel heart... and i don’t know how to calculate that...

i’m not even talking about how some of the taymoji given out twice coincided with celebrity appearances in the world of kaylor. i don’t know how to calculate the probability of karlie saying she’ll go to a taylor concert before a marching band hat is given out, and then her appearing at nashville the day after the marching band hat was given out again. or the paul mccartney coincidence, or the hayley kiyoko coincidence, just to name a few of the most straightforward. i’m not even gonna mention all that business about the app notifications freaking out on my phone (for which i have an excel spreadsheet up my sleeve for later should i decide to nerd out that much)

i don’t even need to touch that.

some epic sh*t was positively afoot, my darlings.

but i digress. pending, you know, ‘proof’, we have no surefire way to know about the who (or who all behind it) all of this is, but, i don’t think we need to be sure of that for the time being (uwu*). i just want to re establish that while KalindaKing was a glorious misfire, the mystery of the app still very much remains.

in my upcoming post (i need to buy myself some eyedrops or something because my eyes are redder than that st. louis park sculpture right now), i would like to rewind for a sec and set the question of who aside and refocus solely on what we learned from the gifts and what we can possibly take away from the experience as a whole.

for now, this is me saying, kimby, oops! sorry i thought you were KalindaKing and sorry for not triple checking with you. my double check was not enough. but i’m glad i took the plunge, because, better an oops than a what if, right? and i hope, at least you got a good laugh out of it! and also thank you lovely sisters ☺️ for you know, clearing the way for me to make this post. at least, that’s what it looked like to me. 📯🕊

[colorfulwinnergothturtle-blog]

Time taken- 5 hours

Applications used- MediBang Paint and Inshot

Music listened to- Horror show by Komono Chords, and Amen by CG5.

*Andromeda is not my real name, but is what you and I will refer to me as.

A little more to the piece:

All of these characters belong to me so, if you would like to draw one of them, go ahead, but be sure to put the original creator on your piece. (We don't want Grand Theft Art on your hands!).

Take a seat, coz' this gonna be a long one.

Қıɬɬყ

Kitty is the cat looking oc (duh, Andromeda, we know that much.), and was originally going to be a rabbit, but I changed my mind.

Backstory: Originally the daughter of Wally Franks, her name was Lucy Franks. She enjoyed playing outside and exploring. When Father son/daughter day came, she was amazed by everyone and everything. She explored the ink machine's room and fell down five stories after tripping and falling into that pit of ink and emptiness. Wally Franks was devastated and knew what that machine could do. He pleaded with Joey to fix her up, no matter what the cost. He begrudgingly agreed, but when the time came, he would have to lay down his life for the sake of the company.

ⱮĄɕɧıИĄ

Machina is the robot looking one, (Again, with the names Andromeda...), originally had gears that were behind her head and mid back, a wore a sort of tuxedo dress, but I changed my mind.

Backstory- Before she was a metal monstrosity, she was Bertrum's daughter, Alexis Piedmont. She was usually in the studio, helping Bertrum with his works, and offering him great inspiration. Letting a child design an amusement park was fun for the both of them. When working on the carousel, the system glitched, and she was flung with such force, that she hit the ceiling hitting a hidden pipe in the ceiling, and falling a good 50 feet. Bertrum took four steps to get across the room, his determination and terror echoed in every step. The left half of her was torn badly, because of the parts she landed on. In a mad rush, he created a machine full of fictional mechanical organs. Making it look like her favorite cartoon character, Machina. He was in a rush, so it wasn't finished. He took her to the infirmary, where he operated on her, turning her into the first living cyborg.

ʂɧıʄɬყ

I actually used Shifty's original design, that my friends, was what Shifty first looked like.

Backstory-

They were the studio's Jesus when they were born. But only Melody interacted with everyone in place of Joey. Because of this, Melody got very close to everyone. Joseph was exactly like his father, helping him with his works. But Melody brightened the days of all around her. Everyone except one Samuel J Lawrence. She was his biggest distraction. He cared not if her intentions were good, they were annoying. Unfortunately, little Melody Drew liked Sammy. Again and again she would stop at nothing to crack his heart of stone, seemingly doing worse every time she tried. Melody grew depressed because of this. She begged Joey to give her another purpose, because if she couldn't make people happy, she wasn't worth the clothes on her back. Joey agreed, and put her in the ink machine, in the middle of the process, the machine jammed, and everyone thought she was dead. Joey wanted Shifty to be real, so he put her twin brother Joseph in as well after a heavy drugging. The next day, the machine dumped hundreds of gallons of ink, and out came Shifty and Joseph Drew. They each took half of Shifty's look, and the other half of her was what it was, but colorless and a different looking hair. For Joseph, it was a failed other half of Shifty.

ɕĄИƐ

The only change I put into Cane was her eyes. Originally they were white with black ovalish pupils, but I decided that It didn't look very good.

Backstory- Cadence Pendle's mother was a talented voice actress who took the role of Alice Angel's voice. Allison stood up for what she believed in, and never gave up. Which wasn't very easy, because her daughter was a little hellion, and earned her nickname Cane, with relative ease. The person she looked up to most? None other than Bendy the dancing demon. She couldn't get enough of his hi jinks. So one day, she took an entire episode's worth of frames home, and Joey lost it. He randomly scribbled down what she would look like, and put her in the ink machine. She came out a monster. Which gave Joey an excellent idea on what the star of the show could be.

ʑı℘℘ყ

Besides the cheeks, Zippy had nothing change about her. Which either means, I'm a lazy artist, or I did a good job on her.

(Probably just lazy...)

Backstory-

Zoey had a rather fun father. He made toys, of course he was fun. Zoey and Shawn Flynn were rather close, and one was to wonder how the father could be so loud and proud, and the daughter short and sweet. Zoey Flynn was a girl of few words, but when she did speak, it was powerful and provocative. When her father went missing, she was so torn up, she decided to never speak again. And to make sure not even the demon himself could taint her vow, she sewed her mouth shut.

Cartoons Backstory-(last one, I promise.)

The five girls mentioned previously were as thick as thieves. They spent most of their time with each other while they're parents worked in the studio. The best part was the cartoons.

Melody Drew brought the kindness, leadership and creativity. She made everyone they're very own cartoon characters, making sure each of them fit their personality perfectly.

Zoey Flynn brought opportunities and sensibility, each of them recived a plush of thier character.

Cadence Pendle brought outrageousness and fun, she wrote the storylines to their wacky adventures.

Machina brought intelligence and strategies, thinking of clever ways to hide hints of their existence in the actual cartoon

Kitty brought a sense of ease and hope, making everyone want to keep up this game.

And thus, the Final Five was born.

#What'sYourBackstory?

[anisebonny]

WALKING MY PATH

I choose to trust whether it's okay to trust or not and to believe whether it's okay to or not. For me, its one of the miracles of living. While some people may think it's stupidity then i must say it's okay to be stupid if that's what it takes to trust and believe in people (lol.....) but i choose to believe differently.........its a miracle not stupidity. That was the case when I first got to know about "world life experience".

I was seated in the sitting room one morning during the last days in the month of June keeping myself updated with the happenings around me when I decided to check my timeline on face book. Its become a norm that I will always find something new and just as I thought I saw a sponsored post "world life experience". I went through its content and I was drawn in so I checked its website it reads " travel, discover and share experience". 12 lucky people will tour the world (40 countries) within a year with two weeks break four times and getting paid for it. First though of anyone is that its an adventure of a life time (smiles.....) But while on it, they will carry out different social activity. For me that was the deal breaker. It wasn't just going to be an adventure but lives will be touched ( you want to know more about WLE then check their website www.worldlifeexperience.com and also their social media pages).

I told my brother about it and he said "scam alert"( lol.....). He said that because of the 9£ that will be paid before you can complete your application (lol....). Even before telling him I read a few comments on the post I saw and there were a lot of people questioning the reality of the project. I mean it's a big one and looks unrealistic to some people (lol....) But that is when I choose to believe and to trust. I thought whoever would have though of such idea (lending a hand to people while having an adventure) will come off as sincere and it's a bigger risk to not be a part because of 9£(lol....). It's so much courage for everybody who applied because there were thousands of people from all over the world applying and the chances of being among the twelve (ermm.......thinking) I believe the answer will be in binary (lol.....). I went ahead with my application and along the line I had issues with making my payment plus the website was down for weeks (sigh......). Eventually when they came back online and the deadline was pushed forward, yet again there were questions on the reality of the project if they can't handle such issues (WLE greatest challenge during application days). Still I wasn't able to make payment as a result of the payment method not working with my country so I sent an email. Again deadline was moved to the 7th of August (sigh....) and another payment method enabled as a result of people like me left behind who haven't completed their survey. I was able to make payment and complete survey during this time and then all applicants had the long wait (lol...).

Website down again after 7th of August but social media pages buzzing with information of progress and a lot of anticipation from candidates all over the world. People were following through to see what becomes of their fate on the journey and finally in September we all saw what we have been waiting for. 5th of September I saw on my timeline that 84 preselected moving on to the next stage with two more stages before finally getting the twelve. Everybody was to get an email but already there were comments and all comments were not selected, not selected, not selected (sigh......lol). By then I haven't gotten any email yet. But I think I saw two selected from the 84. So where are the rest???. Not everybody has gotten an email yet and we've been told already it may take a little time and to make sure to check all email folders.

A few people started to raise eyebrows and question how the selection process was done, where are the 84, why weren't they good enough. A lot of why, where, when, how.......(sigh....lol). So WLE uploaded the first photo image of the names of the 84 preselected but brought down the post after they came under fire from the public. I didn't see that photo image but saw the newly uploaded one. There were comments about why WLE brought down the post with all the comments ( apparently they were negative comments). I went through the list of the 84 but found it to be greatly unbalanced. 23/84 from spain , 17/84 from Brazil with other countries represented. Some continents were sparsely represented like Africa, Asia, Oceania and we have 41 persons from just two countries. I shook my head and thought they made a really big mistake. I expected more from WLE as someone who had faith in them but was indifferent about the whole list thing(lol...).

WLE posted again how the 84 were selected and so I checked to see how it was done but I stopped in my track when I saw the stake for the selection was raised different from what was advertised and by then I totally lost faith in them. There was no fairness at all. Negative comments on their page and people giving up on WLE. so I decided to send an email. I tagged it "my two cent". I requested for the email to sent to the appropriate team in charge. I wrote about how I had so much faith in WLE and it staying long only if things were done right. I wrote about my reasons for not wanting to be a part of the second season because of the unbalance in the list and WLE raising her stake to select the 84 different from what I was to believe when I applied and hoped things will be looked into. I wasn't expecting any reply as that was just me giving my thoughts. Surprisingly I got a reply from Antonio Dias and he had this to say about how it turned out

       "I really understand your point, as I respect your side  as well your feelings. 

   However all the process have been made by recruitment specialists   they need criteria to select and for this first edition,  it's important that   everything goes well, so they considered the traveling experience relevant on this  event.

  It's a long journey, and it's really important to the upcoming events that everything goes as we planned, so we need to guarantee all the right conditions.

    We want to show to everyone that we are transparent with the selection process, but this is our first event, we can make mistakes, but I promise that I will learn with every mistake to be able to correct all them on the next event. I apologize sincerely if something look not fair, but I m working hard to  transform this on a truly experience. "

We exchanged a few more emails and we became friends (it was that easy.....lol). More importantly than being friends I got know he is as polite as polite can be and a sincere person. He also spoke about his love to meet new people from different cultures, sharing his view, getting others life perspectives and his wish to start a way for everyone to enjoy those rich experiences all over the world (I believe that is where WLE comes in). He is also an open person, can be philosophical (lol.....) and is willing to learn. It was only much later I got to know he is the visionaire behind WLE.

For me I understand that sometimes in life mistakes are inevitable but our willingness to learn and wanting to never stop to make a change makes all the difference. When Antonio asked me if I would love to do an article for WLE, the first thing he said even before i gave him a reply of if i would or not was that it is okay to write about the mistake as that was what truly happened (lol....). He spoke about being courageous to tell the truth and bracing up for whatever comes afterwards.

Today I am happy I walked my path with WLE. After all for me aside the adventure is the lives that will be touched all over the world that counts.

I believe in WLE and its success. How many more are with me?....lol.

Kisses and hugs.

[realtalk-princeton]

what are some questions i should ask myself if i'm considering transferring? esp interested in what people who considered transferring and didn't think

Response from Aspen:

Ok so I really have a lot to be doing right now but this question was literally made for me so I’m gonna go ahead and try to tackle it for ya, sorry if this gets long. I’m also interpreting it as someone unhappy with their experience so far, so if this about academic opportunity reasons or something lol just ignore it all.

When I first came to Princeton I felt SO out of place. I had a very close group of friends kinda right off the bat but I felt to a certain extent excluded once I realized some of them went to expensive boarding schools and were like filthy rich and grew up so very differently than I did. I kinda call this the “east coast elite” culture, and I don’t think it’s evil, I just assumed coming here that everyone would be like me, from small towns in the west, went to public school, etc. This was stupid yes, but listen, I was naive and hopeful. Even the people who had more similar backgrounds to me seemed to be striving for the level of “success” my wealthier friend’s families had. It was just overall very weird for me and I was super disoriented. 

So, I started making friends at other schools nearby and hanging out more there and found the people were a lot more normal to me. I worked off the assumption that all Princeton people were either filthy rich or social climbers and found more people like me in other places. This made me suuuuuuper jaded and I came this close to transferring to Rutgers or somewhere else and the only reason I didn’t was because I knew A.) my father would be SO pissed, and B.) I’d be throwing away a huge opportunity to “prove them wrong” or whatever. So, I didn’t end up putting in my other applications after I started them, and I took on an attitude of “yes ok this place wasn’t designed for me and maybe I don’t belong but I got in here and I should view it as a gift, try and switch the script so it can be a better place for people like me in the future”.

So I stick it out my freshman year and towards the end of it and over the summer drift away from my old group of friends (they’re great, but the vibes were just off) and found some new people who came from similar backgrounds to me, were a little less obnoxiously ambitious in my eyes, and since have really felt very content and happy here. Freshman year friends don’t always end up being the people you vibe with or who make you feel loved and accepted and that’s ok. I still hate a lot of things about this school and often think (read: fantasize) about how much more successful I could be at another school, but at the end of the day I do feel like I’ve found a place here at Princeton. Sure, it’s not where I thought I’d be (and holy SHIT my social crowd is so much different now than it was in high school I literally would be shocked if you’d told me back then) but I feel so held and loved and supported by those around me and I for the first time here feel like I am a valuable part of a group, that people like me, etc etc more self esteem stuff. 

As far as questions go, here are some I asked myself:

1. How much money have I sunk into this so far, and would it be better to tough it out?

2. Have I given myself the proper perspective on what a Princeton degree means in the real world vs. one from another school? It can be difficult to see this when you feel like a failure here, but do some real reflection.

3. How will my parents feel? (this was important to me, given the sacrifices they made to help me)

4. Will I actually be happier somewhere else or will I feel like a failure for leaving?

5. Have I TRULY surrounded myself with the people I feel comfortable around, comforted by, and accepted by, for all my faults? Do I ever feel put down or made to feel less than by them? If the answer is no, branch out more. There are people here that you’ll feel like that with, but sometimes it takes time. I recently joined a new club with people I’d never met and feel so at home there as well. This takes time!!!!!!! (!!!!!!!) !!!!!!

ok so that’s about it, tldr; stick it out at least for your first year (if you’re a first year), branch out socially, explore new groups and clubs, reflect hard on if your problems are caused by princeton or they’re internal (failure for the first time, rejection, etc won’t go away if you leave here), and just try and relax. this place is rough, it takes time to adjust to, do not lose hope. only one of my close friends right now is the same as who i called my close friends last spring. my academic failures only really made me feel like shit bc the people I was around made me feel like shit (no shade, this was an internal low self-esteem thought process on my end). at the end of the day, this place is a blip in your life and there is a whole ass world out there that will be ready and accepting of you if you can tough out these 4 years.