#at first he hooked up with her to fill the void nancy left but he quickly realized he wanted billy

[cavinginhisfvce]

'Unlovable"

Pairing: Harringrove. Fem!Billy x Steve Harrington.

Angst. Miscommunication. Conflict resolution. Unplanned Pregnancy. Mentions of abortion.

This started as a hc post, but quickly spiraled into this mess.

Fem!Billy who believes the fleeting attention of men twice her age is the only way she'll experience love in this lifetime. Even if it's just a little glimpse of love that comes from red knees and bruised wrists, she counts that as a win. 

She knows, realistically, that this isn't love. Not the kind that they sing songs about. Not the kind where you want to shout it from the rooftops.

Love was never meant for girls like her. She's too loud, too aggressive, too much like herself. Not enough like the soft girls. Soft girls like Nancy Wheeler, whose smile is like the sun and the waves wrapped up in a pretty little bow.

Even when Nancy shows her rough edges, she's praised for the strength she harbors. 

When Billy shows her rough edges, the kind that you develop from years of mistreatment, and abuse, she gets called disgusting. 

She hears her father shouting in her face that she's an unlovable whore, like her mother. 

She hears Steve telling her she's too abrasive to be anything but a hidden thing. She hears him whispering Nancy's name in place of her own.

It hurts, like nothing she's ever experienced. 

But, Steve calls her every night. Steve seeks her out, and not Nancy. 

To Billy, it feels better than random men who don't care when it hurts. Who ignores her soft sobs of displeasure in favor of getting off. 

Because, despite Steve wishing she was Nancy, he always makes her feel good. Always makes sure she's comfortable and enjoying herself. 

It's a win. A luxury that Billy isn't stupid enough to give up.

He always kisses away her tears, ones born of passion, rather than pain. He treats her like he well and truly loves her. Even if he calls her by the wrong name. Even if he wishes she was someone she'll never be.

The day he utters 'Billy' as he finishes inside of her, is coincidentally a week after she found out she was carrying his child. Two days after she made the appointment to terminate the pregnancy. 

She isn't stupid enough to have a baby with a man who doesn't want her. She was proof that children bred of obligation and expectations, instead of love, grow up differently than those born from parents who love each other. Parents who would protect and cherish the child they share.

Steve, unlike previous times, doesn't immediately pull out, instead he thrusts into her once more and leans down. He presses a kiss to her neck, mumbling so softly Billy could've missed it. 

"I'm tired of pretending you're Nancy. Tired of pretending I don't want you, Billy." He pauses, trailing off. Billy thinks maybe he's done speaking, but again, he's whispering against her warm, flushed skin. "Please keep the baby…" 

Billy startles at that, her eyes widening. She wants to shove him away, demand what right he thinks has to tell her what to do with her body. 

But, she does neither. Because her brain can't focus beyond the fact that he knows. 

He knows and she didn't tell him. She didn't tell anyone.

"How'd you find out?" Her voice is so soft, it barely registers as hers to her own ears. 

Steve takes a moment to answer, his lips brushing against her shoulder as he shifts his hips.

The action reminds Billy he's still nestled inside of her. A small gasp punches its way out of her at the almost overwhelming sensation. 

"Carol volunteers at the clinic you went to during the holidays." He clamps his mouth shut, certain that Billy will tear into him. But when she doesn't, he continues, "she saw your file and sort of freaked out. Called me and chewed me out for making you get an abortion." He laughs lightly, the sound feels like a lifeline amongst Billy's impending doom.

"She didn't stop yelling until I told her I didn't even know."

Steve sniffles, and Billy finds herself wanting to card her fingers through his hair, so she does. 

He leans into the touch almost instantly. 

"I'm sorry." She doesn't need to say why, Steve knows why. He gets it. 

In truth, Billy didn't want an abortion, she's always wanted at least one child, one she could love the way she wished her mother or father loved her.

But, she also hadn't wanted to be a single, teen mom. Didn't want to do it all alone.

She tells Steve as much, the words just barely forcing themselves out of her.

Steve just peers up at her, a ghost of a smile on his lips, "we can do it together. We can be better than our parents. We'll show everyone that despite our shitty parents, we can do better. Be better."

Billy glances at him, her own lips pulling into a soft grin, "who says I want my baby to be half prep?" Steve just laughs, dropping his head down to gently nip at her shoulder blade, "if this isn't what you want, say so and I'll support you every step of the way. I'll go with you to the appointment, I'll take care of you afterwards. I'll take care of you forever. 

But, if you do want this, I promise to be the best fucking boyfriend, and father to our child." 

Billy lets out a shuddering breath, her eyes filling with unnecessary tears. They've been doing that a lot more lately. 

She nods softly, her fingers gently tugging at the strands of his hair wrapped around them, "okay, Pretty Boy. We can do this together." Billy clicks her tongue, peering at him with a mischievous glint in her bright blue eyes. "But you're telling Max, because I will not listen to her scream about becoming an aunt." 

Steve almost immediately agrees, he knows Max will chew him up much like Carol, only for a different reason, but he couldn't find it in himself to care right now. 

Instead, he dips down and claims her lips in a kiss that takes her breath away, and leaves Steve feeling a bit winded himself. 

What's left unsaid is how to break this news to Billy's father and step-mom. She knows her dad will fly off the handle. Knows he'll make a mess of things. 

But, she also knows that Steve will be by her side. She knows he'll pick up the pieces if need be.

They both know they have a lot to truly talk about, especially given the nature of their relationship before now. 

Steve, who thought Billy knew he wanted her, but was only pretending for her sake. 

And Billy, who thought Steve could never want a girl like her. Not when girls like Nancy Wheeler exist.

Fuck, they had so much to work through before their relationship would ever truly be stable, and secure, but they'd weather the storm together. 

[ask-the-immerse-claudette]

𝓖𝓸𝓸𝓭𝓫𝔂𝓮

Hello! This is my first ever time writing a story for Claudette I hope you enjoy! This is a story about if she had a chance to go back to her normal life what would happen? Anyways enjoy!  ___________ 𝓖𝓸𝓸𝓭𝓫𝔂𝓮

𝒲𝑜𝓇𝒹 𝒞𝑜𝓊𝓃𝓉: 3,444

  Winter had come and it was showing. The below freezing temperatures and the snowflakes that fell from the sky were a big sign. This was the weather Claudette missed the most from her old life. The time she spent with her family decorating the Christmas tree, winning snowball fights, eating dinner with them all, and all those other things. Claudette missed her old life.

  The brown haired woman was sitting on a log by the campfire, awaiting her next trial. This was her new life; trial after trial, awaiting to be hooked and killed over and over again. Time is nonexistent in this realm she lives in. The only reason she knows what time of the year it is is the new clothing the entity blesses her and the others with. It was nearing Christmas, she could tell based on how Nancy was sporting the annual ugly sweater. Another year in this hell.

  She got up from the log, ready to look in the woods for offerings or any items she could use for her trials. As soon as she got up an overwhelming amount of smoke surrounded her and made it hard to breath. ‘Another trial,’ she thought to herself as she closed her eyes.

  A shivered crawled up her spine from a cool breeze that went by her. This is unusual… she doesn’t feel the cold during her trials, What is going on?

  Upon opening her eyes, Claudette saw a small house in a city she knew very well. It was a medium sized house that had a small set of stairs heading into the front porch. The railing, ground, and sky were all covered with the winter snow. There were two white wooden rocking chairs on the porch with a small wooden side table between them that was both black and white. Beside the front door was a large window. It showed a Christmas tree covered in  decorations and had some presents underneath it.

  This was her family home, her home... she was home. Did she escape? Did the entity let her go? Claudette pushed those thoughts aside, she just wanted to see her family. She cried as she knocked on the door eagerly, hoping that her parents were home. Claudette would be finally able to hug her family and tell them how much she missed them. She didn’t even know how long she had been missing from her old life.

  A few more minutes pass, she was about to knock again before the door was opened by an older man. He looked to be wearing a sweater and slacks and his face was covered with a small mustache with some grey hairs. Claudette watched the expression of the man go from confusion to euphoria in a matter of seconds.

                                ”Claudette... is it really you?”

  Before she could reply a strong pair of arms pulled her into a tight hug and she could feel the tears falling from this man she called her father. She gripped his sweater as she cried onto the  shoulder that she could always depend on. She had missed him so much.

                               ”Richard! Who is at the doo-”

  Before Claudette could even address the woman properly, she found the woman’s arms wrapped around her along with her father’s. She was really home. “I missed you both so much!” Claudette sobbed as she started to shake and cry onto her father's shoulder.

  After a while they finally managed to let go of her and settled for cradling her face. It was really her mother and father in front of her. She pinched herself just to make sure she wasn’t dreaming and her mother smacked her hand for it. Her mind wasn’t playing tricks; it wasn’t a dream; it was her normal life.

  After a couple of minutes more her parents let her inside to get warmed up. She stopped and looked at the long window by the door. It reflected back at her the first image of herself she had seen in an uncountable number of days. She had bandages around her arms and was wearing her pink blouse with her hair tied up in a messy ponytail. She had some scars from Moris that never faded and she looked like she was put through hell, which wasn’t far from the truth. She took her hair tie out and watch her hair fall onto her body. It was messy and clearly dirty. Claudette was not surprised that her hair was such a mess hell some of her clothes were too. She finally stopped looking at herself in the mirror and sat down on the couch.

                           ”Where have you been for the past 4 years?”

                           ”Why do you have bandages on your hands?”

                           ”Claudette answer us!”

  Where had she been? She honestly doesn't know the full truth herself and she probably never will. How could she possibly tell her parents that she was getting brutally murdered in an unknown realm with a bunch of other random people? How could she explain to her mother and father that she fell in love with one of those killers? How could anyone tell someone what she had been through?

  She looked at her bandaged hands and contemplated them before unwrapping the bandages. She had a hug slash down her hand, one her parents looked at with widened eyes. “This isn’t the worst of it,” she said with a bit of pain in her voice. She stood up and took off her pink blouse to show her black tank top underneath.  All along her shoulders, her back, and even going down her chest were scars that never faded. Her mother started crying as her father became furious. Claudette rubbed her shoulders as her father made his outrage clear; “Claudette where the hell have you been?! And I want a real answer! You have been gone for almost 4 years. No calls. No letters. You come into our home with scars everywhere and expect us to not be worried!? We deserve some answers god damn it!” This was the first time she heard her father snap at her and somehow it felt worse than any trial. She wanted to explain. She needed to explain. Just not yet.

  ”I can’t… I’m just as worried as you two. I’ve been up every night pointlessly fighting for my own damn life. I wish I was able to call you, or tell you I was okay, or let you know I was alive, but I couldn’t. I’m sorry, I just want a normal day with you guys before I explain myself fully. Please.”

  Her mother nodded, “Honey, your dad and I need to talk. Please just head to your room for now. Don’t come out until later.”

  There was going to be an argument and she knew it. She walked into her room and saw everything was where it was supposed to be. Her small bed and her plant that seemed to be kind of living and taken care of. She looked at her desk and saw her laptop and phone there. Claudette decided maybe some music would be good, it would help drown out the arguing down the hall.

  Right when she opened her laptop she heard their voices start to rise. She only heard her parents fight like this one time before, when she was 6 years old. Just hearing them shouting made her flinch. Claudette hated the sound of it. It reminded her of back at the campfires when someone messed up in a trial, how the people would shout at each other. She hated it.

  It took a minute or two for her computer to boot up after she put in her password, and it made a small noise when it was ready to go. She was welcomed by a picture of her holding a very beautiful butterfly before opening her Spotify and finding her old playlist. The songs bring up some old memories that make her smile, and she closes her eyes softly; only for them to snap open when she feels something touch her shoulder. Out of the corner of her eye she can see it was Max’s hand, but when she turned around she saw nothing. “Max?” Of course he isn’t here, she’s home, and away from everyone. She is safe and with her parents. She could even try to go to college like she wanted to 5 years ago.

  Claudette looked at her bed, covered in presents. She had assumed they were Christmas presents when she first saw them covered in festive wrapping paper. She was happy that her parents thought about leaving her presents even while she was missing. She opened the first one delicately and found a small box. Inside it was a gold chain with an infinity diamond on it surrounded by a diamond box. It was beautiful. The next one was a bit heavier and it took a hot minute to try and get all the wrapping paper off. When she finally did there were tears in her eyes. It was the telescope she has been wanting since she was 13. It was in her hands. She finally had it. She was about to open the third box when a claw suddenly wrapped around it She screamed as the claw pulled it down into a void, and her door slammed open as her mom came running over to hug her and her father worried quietly beside the door. “Shh, Claudette, shh, I’m here baby,” her mother cooed as Claudette cried into her mother’s arms. When she calmed down her mother laid her down on her bed. She was pretty sure her mother had no idea what was going on, but it didn’t matter, she was there for Claudette nonetheless.

           ”Sweetie get some sleep okay? I’m here. If you need me just call out.”

    Claudette nodded, taking a big gulp of air as she tried to calm down, laying on her soft bed. It was much better than the logs and dirt she had been sleeping on for the past 5 years, and as she closed her eyes the world around her was engulfed in darkness. The last thing Claudette heard was her music soothing her to sleep.

  After two hours of restless sleep, Claudette was awakened by the sound of multiple people down the hall. She left her room and saw her entire family filling the living room. Claudette was born into a medium sized family so it wasn’t too crowded. ‘Oh right it is Christmas,’ Claudette reminded herself.  She suddenly realized how quiet it had become since she entered the room quiet enough to hear a pin drop. As soon as Claudette was going to say hi, she was trampled by one of her favorite cousins. “Detty!” It was the little nickname her cousin gave her. “Hey there Tyler! You’ve gotten taller!” The last time she saw her favorite cousin was when he was almost 5. Now he was nine and damn is he getting tall.

  She got asked lot of questions but her mom shook her head and told them all to drop it. Claudette was honestly grateful for her mother right now. Without her mother, she would have been at the mercy of their questions, and whatever breakdowns they would trigger She was always looking over her shoulders just in case if something happens, or waiting for some killer to come grab her. Just the thought made her scars ache. Claudette’s aunt, judgmental beyond belief, came over to her and gave her a huge hug. “Claudette, I give you a ton of shit but I still love you and I truly missed you.” Honestly, It was nice hearing that from the aunt who made fun of her as much as humanly possible..

  “Uncle Ace!” She ran up to one of her uncles and hugged him. She was confused when she didn’t receive a hug back. “Claudy who is Ace?” It took a moment for her to realize what she had called him, “sorry Uncle Tony you reminded me of my old friend Ace.” She was clearly lying as she remembered the funny jokes Ace made to lighten up any mood, nothing like the dour man in front of her.

          ”Claudette, would you come help me in the kitchen please?”

  Her mother came to save the day once again. Claudette rushed into the kitchen, embarrassed by how she mixed up the names of these people. She immediately started to work on the potatoes and her mother worked on the homemade stuffing. “So Claudette, who is Ace? I don’t recall him being a friend you had,” Claudette almost cut herself on the comment her mother made. She couldn’t lie to her mother even if she tried. “Ace is this rich guy who was an actor, sadly he got older and grew out of acting, so he started to gamble to pass the time. But he always knew how to cheer me up when I was sad.” Her mother nodded, “I’m guessing you had a crush on him?” Claudette was taken back with what her mother just said. “No, he isn’t my type mom, and he is too old for me. Besides, I have my eyes on someone else.” Her mother raised an eyebrow before dropping the topic and going back to making the stuffing.

  Claudette had just finished peeling the potatoes when she heard a ding. Her breathing picked up as she hid behind the counter, her head light as her mind began spinning. She curled into a ball and rocked herself back and forth, repeatedly murmuring, “it’s not real,” to herself. She couldn’t think straight, her mind stuck in the panic of fight or flight. She swore she heard the sound of a generator being tinkered with and her heart started beating even faster. Claudette was shaking when she felt a hand on her shoulder, and without warning she ran to the other side of the kitchen trying to get away. She turned back to see her mother with a look of confusion and concern on her face. She looked around. Everything around her was normal, the sounds of a generator fading quickly as her heartbeat slowed back down. “Claudette are you ok-” Claudette cut her mother off, “I’m fine, I just need some fresh air.”

  She didn’t even wait for her mother’s reply before she went out the back door closing the door behind her. She slid down against the door and looked up at the sky. She turned to her side and saw Max sitting next to her with his big open arms, but when she jumped to hug him all she got was thin air. Her mind was playing tricks on her and she wanted it to stop. She wanted these thoughts to stop so she can be with her family and live her old life, her normal life. She wanted to become rich and marry someone who kept her happy. She wanted to be working at NASA and be the head scientist there. She wanted a normal life for herself.

                                                             ”But what is normal?”

  Claudette jumped at the sudden voice, confused about where it was coming from. It sounded like something she remembered but she just couldn’t place it.. “Claudette, come in, dinner is ready,” She shook the thoughts of the mysterious voice away and went inside to enjoy dinner with her family. As soon as she entered the door, the strong smell of Christmas dinner made her stomach growl. Oh how she missed the food her mother made. She sat down between her father and mother on the side of the table. Usually they would say a simple prayer before dinner, but tonight her father stood up as everyone quieted down and watched him closely.

     “This evening my daughter Claudette was brought home. We don’t know what she has been through, and until she is ready to tell us, we don’t care to know. I am just lucky to have my baby girl back. Welcome home Claudette.”

  Everyone lifted their glasses and nodded in agreement. As soon as her father sat down everyone dug in. Claudette got her plate and got a little of everything. She loves her mother's rolls, they were to die for. Claudette was already digging in and eating at an extremely fast pace. She missed the taste of food and the feeling of becoming full. She honestly didn’t care that she was eating so fast, or that she was making such a mess.

  Claudette was full before anyone else was finished, and happy to be so. She took this time to look around her family that she had not seen in almost 5 years. Honestly, looking at them now broke her heart. She knew this wasn’t her life. This was just a place she spent her old life in and had to leave. She knew her home was back in The Entity’s realm. She knew she could never live a normal life because of the hell she has been through. She could never live her old life. All those trials, and the friends she made while suffering through them even the small romance she had with one of the killers. Everyone would call her crazy for wanting to go back there, back to the trauma, but at this point it was all she knew. It was her home.. And there was no use being somewhere that had become so unknown to her.

                                  ”Come home Claudette.”

  The voice was back, but this time she knew what it was. It was The Entity. She got up and looked at everyone taking a deep breath. She shook as their eyes aimed towards her. She was not one for speaking in front of people, but her family knew if she was going to stand up and speak, then what she had to say was important.

  ”I love every single one of you. Some more than others, but that doesn’t matter. For the past 5 years I have been stuck in a living hell. Experiencing worse than the human brain can think of over and over again. Being able to come home and see my mother and father was a blessing, but it also showed me something. I thought this was my home, but in the end my heart belongs back there.. If you all never see me again just know I love every single one of you from the bottom of my heart. But I need to go home and be where I belong. I love you…

                                  ... Goodbye everyone.”

  Claudette could see tears in some of her family's eyes as she ran into her room, grabbing her pink blouse. She tied her hair up and ran outside in the dead cold of winter. She was shivering from the cold, but that didn’t stop her. She cried as she ran into the forest, wanting to go back. Wanting to go home. She tripped on a stump and fell down, laying there, crying in the snow. “Please let me go home. I want to be back where I belong!” She cried out to the sky and the trees. And when she made her final cry, everything around her went silent. Nothing moved and nothing made a noise.

                                 ”As you wish Claudette Morel.”

  A claw pierced her stomach, and in moments she was passed out from the shock and the damage.

                                      ”She is waking up!”

                         ”Give the woman some space Kate.”

                                        ”Sorry Nea…”

  Claudette jolted up from where she was sleeping to see a very familiar face. She grabbed ahold of Kate and hugged her like her life depended on it, “I missed you guys so much.” her breath was light and shaky as she cried into Kate’s shoulder. Kate gave her some hushes and back rubs and Claudette finally let go, embracing the familiar warmth of the campfire and the familiar faces around her.

                                        ”I’m home.”

[astridthevalkyrie]

Axe to the Heart: Chapter 15

Astrid Hofferson/Steve Harrington. “Maybe I hate a lot of things here in Hawkins but I suppose you’re not one of them.”

Chapter 14

On The Road-Phone

Requested by @ashleybenlove on Tumblr

I was originally gonna make this just Ruffnut and Astrid, but I left myself with gang feels after last chapter, so enjoy a short chapter with calls from all of the gang and nothing but dialogue, which also includes what Astrid’s getting up to in Hawkins while she’s getting caught up with her best friends (who Astrid is talking to should be fairly obvious each time).

“Okay, I’m going to guess you got a...98.”

“94. You exaggerate so much. When we were dating, you told my biology teacher that I’d get nothing but hundreds. On the first day!”

“And the best part was, you aced the first exam! So I was right!”

“You failed it because you were up late helping me study just so you would be right!”

“Okay, sue me, I really wanted to prove your worth.”

“You wanted to back up your claim and you know it, Haddock.”

“...Maybe I did. But I didn’t expect that everyone would literally start making bets on it! There was a lot of pressure on me for you to pass!”

“You’re a dork.”

“I’m your dork - sorry, automatic response.”

“Oh, come on. No special someone to fill the void to fill the hole in your heart yet?”

“Heather did flirt with me like a week ago.”

“Wait, wait, Heather? Nerdy, quiet, shy Heather who I went out with in eighth grade? Hang on - shut your mouth, you know I’m bisexual, Steve, wipe that smirk off your face, you didn’t realize anything new, keep studying - sorry, Hiccup. So, Heather? Shy Heather...flirted with you?”

“She’s changed. Become closer to Dagur.”

“Ugh.”

“Come on, Ast. He was getting better even before you left.”

“You know I can’t forgive all the shit he pulled on us. Especially you. There’s this asshole here, Billy Hargrove. He reminds me of Dagur. Deranged, Hiccup. Mad.”

“I’m not saying you need to forgive him. But you might be interested in knowing he asked me out too - what happened?”

“I - I spit out water. Did you just say Dagur - Dagur the Deranged - asked you out?”

“It might have been a joke. But him and Heather are in some sort of duel nowadays.”

“Thor, one year I’m gone and you’ve got sister and brother fighting for your heart. Do you...are you going yes to say to either of -”

“No. Actually...I was gonna...you know, ask out -”

“Fishlegs.”

“How did you -”

“Heather might have changed over the year, Hiccup, but you haven’t - yes, he’s bisexual too, Steve, for Odin’s sake, study!”

“Okay, enough about my love life. What about you?”

“Well, Steve likes me and I want to bang him but he’s hung up over this girl and I’m hung up over you - I tell him everything! He’s my best friend! Don’t be so dramatic!”

“I’m still mad at you.”

“And yet you’re talking to me.”

“I’m only doing it because Ruffnut threatened to hit me if I didn’t.”

“Uh huh. Sure.”

“I’m not kidding, Hoff. I am really pissed at you.”

“Will a sorry cut it?”

“A sorry doesn't even begin to cut it. You have to come here, at the very least. In person.”

“Tuff, the minute you can convince my parents, I’d love to -”

“More than a year, Astrid!”

“I’m sorry!”

“That’s not enough! I...I was crying a lot the first two months! You know how much I hate crying! You know!”

“Tuffnut...I’d never make you cry intentionally…”

“Except that time you screamed ‘tears’ at me really loudly.”

“You can say it now, that’s great!”

“After a lot of therapy!”

“Did...is Snot in therapy too?”

“You haven’t talked to him yet?”

“I did - but he didn’t want to talk about anything but how apparently my new friend’s hair was gorgeous.”

“Oh yeah, your boy toy.”

“He is not my boy toy! He’s my friend!”

“Who loves telling you that you love him.”

“You have been asking about me, haven’t you?”

“Shut up, Hoff, I don’t like your face.”

“Hey, babe. Did you miss me?”

“We talked yesterday, you doof.”

“Yeah, but I know you missed me in that short time.”

“If I say I did, will you not ask about Steve?”

“Wait, what? Why not? You make the guy out to be really cool.”

“Because that’s all you like talking about now. And besides, he’s not cool. He’s a fucking - shit, sorry, there are kids here - he’s a dick. Wait, fuck, that’s a bad word too, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it is, you cuss machine. Why are there kids at your place?”

“Max, hold it with your hand over there, like that, yeah. Sorry, Snot, they’re here cause I’m giving them lessons.”

“Lessons on what?”

“Great! Now, let Will take a try at it - lessons on using an axe properly.”

“Wait, wait, holy Freya, you’re letting kids touch your axe?”

“I started training when I was ten. I’m not going to let them hurt themselves.”

“I wasn’t surprised over your irresponsibility, Ast, though I’m definitely disappointed. I’m more hung up on the fact that you let someone else touch your precious axe, and some children at that.”

“They’re eighth graders, dipshit.”

“Language!”

“Wait - see, see? Isn’t berating me more fun than asking me when I plan to date Steve Harrington - Mayfield, you do not get to smirk at me, why don’t you guys ever act like you’re thirteen?”

“But I wanna talk about your lover.”

“Jesus. I actually wanted to ask if you’re in therapy.”

“Nah. My dad said it was -”

“For the weak. Thor, your dad’s an asshat.”

“Aren’t there still kids there?”

“Yeah?”

“Then watch your language!”

“So, when do you plan to visit?”

“Fish, I told Tuff, the minute you guys can convince my parents, I’ll be there.”

“Your parents hate us.”

“They don’t hate you.”

“That’s because adults tend not to hate me. Benefits of being a suck-up.”

“Oh, don’t call yourself that. Hey, tell me, is it true that Dagur’s being super nice to Hiccup now?”

“Oh, yeah. Tries to carry his books to class and everything.”

“Son of a - he remembers that he literally hated his guts a few years ago, right?”

“Maybe that was just his way of showing he liked him?”

“If he’s harassing my boy then I’m going to knuckle fist him the minute I come back.”

“But that won’t be soon, will it?”

“...No, probably not. But we’ll see each other again. I promise.”

“I’ll hold you to it, Astrid. I...I like that Dagur’s decent now, but he still hasn’t gotten a good punch for everything he put us through. Especially Hiccup.”

“Ooh, someone’s protective of their boyfriend.”

“You’re the one who said you wanted to knuckle fist him! He’ll definitely leave Hiccup alone after that. How’s the asshole at your place?”

“Who, Hargrove? He doesn’t bother me, probably doesn’t know my name. It’s Steve he bothers, always ganging up on him during basketball practice from what I’ve heard.”

“Aw, that sucks. Doesn’t he retaliate?”

“Sometimes. I’m not sure.”

“Do you think he should?”

“Hey, if Hargrove does anything to really hurt him, it won’t be Steve’s retaliation he has to worry about.”

“There’s the Astrid we all know and love.”

“It’s okay, Mom! Just send Nancy up!”

“Who’s Nancy? Girlfriend?”

“Yeah, with a space in between, Ruff. She’s just here so I can lend her a book.”

“Fuck. Instead of getting good people to replace us, you’ve befriended a nerd? What the hell, Astrid?”

“You are a nerd, don’t even try to deny it - hey, Nance, the book’s right here.”

“Oh, is she cute? Is she single? Are you two gonna hook up?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you at school - what the shit, Ruff? I’m half sure she heard you!”

“Did she blush and smile? Because that means she’s ready for the hooking up to begin.”

“She’s got a boyfriend!”

“Ugh, these Hawkins folk are no fun. What about you? I hope you’ve at least bedded Steve once?”

“No -”

“Twice?”

“Nonce.”

“Damn, your life is depressing. Why go on about his hair and eyes and scent if you’re not gonna sleep with him?”

“Are you sure it was me who said all that, or Snotlout?”

“I mean, it could have been both.”

“Steve Harrington is not on the market for Snotlout to take.”

“But you’re not dating.”

“But we want to.”

“Then do it!”

“We can’t.”

“Fuckity fuck, woman, I’d just ask someone to bed you. You’re delving deep into no-fun hell.”

“Okay, listen, as much as I joke about it, I don’t wanna just sleep with him and get over with it. I want to be with him.”

“Well, if you bring that into the mix, you’re setting yourself up to get screwed over at some point.”

“Ruff.”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s sweet and all that. Tell me more about Nancy.”

I know Hiccup’s was longer, but I really did get tired around writing Snotlout’s part, so sorry!

Next chapter: Steve shows up, but at the wrong time, to the wrong people, and looking like he just took a dip in a river of blood.

Send me requests, please!

[curious-minx]

On Bob’s Burger’s Gene learns to be a sweeter Mama’s Boy; The Simpsons rediscovers its heart by showing empathy to a struggling teacher.

Mama’s Boy is possibly one of my favorite Ramones song, at least the one I’m most obsessed with.  A track written sporting writing credits for all three Ramones. This fact really answers the age old riddle fo how many  Ramones  it takesto change a light bulb. There’s no question about it if the Ramones were still alive and kicking they probably would be cameoing in all sorts of animated shows and would be a Wonder Wharf regular. Episode 9, “Mama’ Boy” not only focuses on Gene’s wholesome adoration of his Mama,  but also makes a clear point of demonstrating how the Belcher’s challenge conventional gender norms. If I grew up with a dad like Bob Belcher, a man who is more than willing to get into a tub with me for a spa day I’d probably be a more productive citizen. The episode strongly packs in three whole subplots with Gene and Linda’s weekly “Spa Day” ritual being interrupted by Linda joining a Women’s Business Owner Group, Bob trying to be a substitute for Gene, and then Louise and Tina getting transfixed by a clever Rocky rip-off, Ham & Egger. The boys want a seaweed eucalyptus infused face mask and the girls want to brawl, a sweet and subtle commentary that is done with that effortless Bob’s Burgers charm. 

The main conflict between Gene and Linda is fraught with family psychology. Linda emboldening her only son’s clinginess with her gentle form of favoritism that threatens to mutate’s Gene’s cute Mama Boy into an emotional manipulative, controlling and abusive Mama’s Boy. This is one of the rare instances where Gene is essentially the antagonistic force of the episode, a role often bestowed upon every other Belcher but rarely reliable supporting player Gene. Gene’s antics are more than just his usual little stinker business and at moments threatens to veer off into Norman Bates territory when he fears that he’s losing his mom to the Business World. Thankfully, Gene is a thoughtful and lovable boy that experiences flashes of introspection, experiences self-realization and catches himself from going off the deep-end. The episode ends with Gene and Linda still enjoying a slightly inappropriate, but ultimately sweet relationship where boundaries are starting to further establish themselves, but I do worry for whomever ends up with Gene as a partner later in life. 

Ah! My favorite high school based musical, Sunday School Musical

The episode’s subplot with Louise and Tina is a great writing lesson, a clean how-to on writing a quality parody. The whole subplot is basically mapping elements of Rocky and making them slightly cheaper and sillier Ham & Egger versions. The subplot touches upon a very specific experience of childhood when you stumble upon a lesser, knock-off movie on cable before seeing the original version, therefore making the cheaper version the definitive version in your naive mind. The subplot also serves as a fun contrast/reversal with Gene’s arc, two daughters being more interested in rough housing and watching junky TV, whereas the son is clinging onto a more traditionally feminine activity. The show hasn’t been this progressive since its explorations with Tina and her explorations of a healthy sense of sexuality. The reason why these issues work so well on Bob’s Burgers is because the writer’s never draw attention to them or try to pat themselves on the back like other lesser sitcoms tend to do, and because after 11 seasons audiences have been given a lot of opportunities to bond and appreciate each and every Belcher. Every single Belcher is capable of delivering a solid episode and whenever I pick up on whether or not an episode is going to focus on a specific character or character relationship on Bob’s Burgers I am more or less satisfied with the direction the writers and actors make with this beloved TV family. 

4.5 Spools of Yarn as thick punchable yarn out of 5 thick and punchable slabs of meat. 

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News update in the Bob’s Burgers world: The Belcher family is officially losing its Fox TV status and gaining FX personhood. This ultimately changes both a little and a lot, the biggest impact of the change is that Bob’s Burgers will be removed from adult swim syndication. Bob’s Burgers is ultimately in the clear for however much longer the series wishes to stay on air. This change in syndication is mainly worrisome for the state of adult swim, which will at this point go completely under due to financial straits or assimilate itself into the HBO Max roster. The adult swim brand is still fairly strong one and as long as they have Rick and Morty to cling onto they will still have a cash cow to sustain them. If adult swim collapses we will be losing one of the last bastions for weird and creative TV programming and will be left with nothing but a sea of Disney detritus. 

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 Search result for a stock image of a “Sad Teacher” 

Speaking of Disney Detritus, it’s time for another peek back into the Simpsons brood with its 9th episode, “Sorry Not Sorry.” The episode for the most part is the most conventional episode of an exhaustingly highly conceptual season. The quality of the episode is probably due to the fact that the episode isn’t written by another one of the safe old white Harvard guys the series is doomed to forever employ, but instead, this above average episode is written by an  Ivy League woman and  1996 Subrina the Teenage Witch creator Nell Scovell. Go figure, the Simpsons enormously benefits from diverting from the usual white male voice that dominates the massive bulk of Simpsons screenwriting credits. The main reason I got back into watching the Simpsons in the first place was when I saw that slightly problematic Twitter rising start Megan Amram had written a couple of episodes for its 30th season. For me, this indicated the exact type of tone shifting the Simpsons needed to course correct itself from its perennial slump. Both of Amram’s episodes are fantastic, especially “Bart versus Itchy and Scratchy.”

The typical writer for the Simpsons 

This gender disparity in the Simpsons verse led my curiosity over to the Simpsons writer’s wikipedia page. Wikipedia lists 133 writers in total, I was able to tally up 18 different women who have at least one written episode credit to their name. Out of those thirteen women one of them is Conan O’Brien’s sister and Bart Simpson herself Nancy Cartwright. The numbers probably become even more grotesque when looking at anything else that diverts from the White Ivy League Educated paradigm that the Simpsons has firmly established in its endless run. So whenever a show as creaky and conservative, at least in terms of writing room staff, diverts from the white male paradigm I find that the typical Simpsons episode has a noticeable more pep in its step, the show for a brief moment feels more vital, and for me the reason is because of a wider perspective a woman writer can offer in a male dominated workplace. This episode’s title alone is a piece of modern mainstream feminism sloganeering that Lisa explicitly touches upon in the episode, and unlike Bob’s Burgers the Simpsons is the sort of show where it makes more sense for a character to explicitly call out problematic world views. This type of empathy and inner growth only tends to happen in the show whenever Lisa takes over the focus of an episode and it’s that quality of heart that is missing from the large swathe of modern Simpsons where forcing jokes for the sakes of jokes always takes precedent over having any heart or reflection. 

“The Simpsons, a feminist masterpiece” - Matt Groening’s accountant 

Ms. Hoover has always been one of my favorite characters, she’s got a great sense of style and her nihilistic world view and bottomless loathing of her job is especially relatable. Looking at Ms. Hoover’s Simpsons’ fandom Wiki I found disappointing tidbits such as she’s one of the only two characters in 2007 Simpsons Game besides Lunch Lady Doris given zero lines of dialogue. The series writers’ also thought it would be funny in season 25 to have Bart hook up with her in episodes set in the future. In the show’s 32 seasons very little time and space has been dedicated to Ms. Hoover so it was satisfying to get a substantial glimpse into this teacher’s life especially since she’s the only original teacher left filling in the void left by the late great Ms. Crabapple. Hard to imagine anyone having a more hellish year in Covid times than the Ms. Hoovers of the world the women relegated to teaching jobs, because society for too long has deemed a woman’s place is not in a major network animated sitcom writer’s room but silently suffering in the classroom with the rest of America’s ungrateful brats. All of our essential workers should be delivered a deluxe orthopedic vibrating chair from a pawn shop and I won’t accept anything less! 

In order to properly review this episodes I try my best to watch through them at least twice and I found that this episode in particular really holds up on a second viewing not only because its central plot is solid but also because the episode is full of little silent visual gags that make the show feel like a labor of love rather than another episode off of the factory line. 

A real solid PASSING GRADE episode!