#at an absolute minimum i need that
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#i don’t know why this is making me cry but it is so I’m writing about it#i need a camera for class that has real settings and removable lenses#at an absolute minimum i need that#and my mom has cameras that are. not that. and i knew they were not that. And I already looked at them and told her they were not that#but i need to get the money myself somehow#they’re not like. made of money and i know that#and they care a lot about me and they’re giving me a place to stay#but this morning the cameras were out and with like. The telephoto adapters for the permanently attached lens#she texts me like ‘look this one has a removable lens!’ and I just#it’s like she really wishes it was good enough. Becuase I think she knows it isn’t. I mean I told her correctly. But#oh god I can barely breathe my whole face is wet#i wish it was good enough too mom! i wish IIIII was good enough!#good enough to not be here and be a cancer and burden and a freak#because that’s all the camera being there is#it’s her trying literally as hard as she can#it’s all she has#and i mean why should she trust me in telling her the camera isn’t right. What have I been right about?#my whole face is covered in snot and tears
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I can't wait for this to come back!!! >>> when is this coming back?
#seriously there has been such an uptick recently in people asking me about my hiatus#I KEPT GETTING SICK#FOR NO REASON#BECAUSE OF OVERWORK...#like literally without exaggeration once a month minimum knocked flat on my ass for multiple days#and mysteriously since being on hiatus hmmmm#it hasnt been happening hmmmmmm#almost like making LIKE 50 PAGES A MONTH#is a little too much work!#for anyone!#no amount of time saving texhniques makes that less work#and I'm trying to make it a satisfying conclusion#which takes more time#and I'm trying to write as much as possible before coming back#as much as webtoon will let me#because twice now ive had to write and produce episodes week to week#and it absolutely destroys the quality of the arc#in my opinion#it at least makes me less satisfied#and whats the fucking point of spending thousands of hours on something#if im being forced into a schedule that. when i get to the end. im not even satisfied with what ive done.#so seriously like please#I'm trying to be as transparent as i can possibly be without outright spoiling everything im writing#its good#it's fun#it will take time to be those things the rest of the way through#ive finished three episodes and I'm halfway through two more#i have 13 episodes thumbnailed#and i have 22 more episodes to write and thumbnail#because webtoon said i need to make it fit exactly into that space
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oh my fucking god, if i want to be able to filter kofi/patreon payments in a way that would let people automatically pay for either basic or premium memberships on my site, i have to pay $20 a month for the fancy plan on zapier. if you don't want to pay through my site directly you have to suffer in silence regardless of how much you're paying, i guess.
#original#i'm in an absolute shit-tier midspace#where i need more than free services can give me but i'm not big enough to need all the features they're making me pay for#there will not be more than 100 payments through patreon and kofi combined#wait fuck i have $1 patreon members#i can't give patreon members a fucking discount#so i guess i just. have to. not automate that one at all either. fuck me.#ko-fi has a minimum payment so it can stay i guess
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You know... it's okay to trust your body. If you are separated from your body to such an extent you feel you cannot trust it, I truly from the bottom of my heart empathize and feel grief for you, but you can trust your body.
It's okay to listen to your body and to heed what it is telling you. I wish you (and your body) well wherever you go. You deserve the peace of mind to feel able to do what you want.
#positivity#mental health#mental health support#gentle reminders#this is something i struggle with myself so that's why i said i empathize (well... i guess as much as you CAN empathize)#(because even if you have gone through the same thing... it's not going to look the same as somebody else going through that)#(and while it can be valuable to express empathy it doesn't mean you truly 'get it' from the other person's point of view)#i struggle sometimes not to feel like my body is fucking with me because sometimes i expect it to function at bare minimum#or i just assume that when it is in debilitating pain that it's just... somehow to fuck with me and i am cognizant that this isn't true#i am cognitively aware that the body isn't Specifically Designed to have a Fuck With You mode even if it feels like it#but my experiences with disabilities and general unwellness made it easy for me to alienate myself from my body#in order to preserve myself i felt the need to separate myself from every flaw (or 'flaw') i have#so when people are confused about why you could mistrust your /own body/ it's stuff like this that can somewhat illustrate it#i think we don't really talk about this but i think it's more common than i would assume#(mostly based on the There Are Eight Billion People principle)#hm making this also makes me realize that abuse absolutely plays into how i mistrust my body. hm.#mistrust in your body feels like self-protection and self-preservation in this weird and almost twisted way (at least in my experience)#but then you start mistrusting *everything* and nothing feels... GOOD or NORMAL anymore#i'm going to play mahjong about this 🫡👍
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You mentioned the deal w seeds in the plane au — what IS the deal w seeds in this au, if you don’t mind me asking?? 👀
bwah okay its not that much different from canon. they were still a deep space colonization fleet but in this au their mission was technically a success
seeds established an research outpost on no mans land to study the planet and test it for potential permanent habitation in the future. basically the fall doesnt happen. or at least not when and how it does in canon
vash and nai were born when seeds began constructing proper long term facilities on the surface
2 years later the research facilities have turned into small cities, terraforming projects kicked into gear and a decent human population was slowly being woken up from cold sleep. the colonization mission for this fleet was deemed a success
the twins were part of a project testing independent plant capabilities and the utility potential of reality bending (the ability to both power and control machines and expanding the storage capacity of small fast aircraft for transportation efficiency), later named project gemini in their honor. during that time the jets g-01 and g-02 and their prototype engines were constructed
at some point nai found detailed info on the project and noticed the discrepancy in their unit numbers, their engines being numbered 02 and 03 in the blueprints. more digging led to the discovery of tesla and her fate as an integrated part of the fleets onboard ai, knives went mad and began plotting the downfall of humanity. over a few weeks he secretly gained control over the local aircraft fleet and one of the production lines and launched an assault on the main ships in orbit
the one man war against seeds (and poor vash, who was caught in the crossfire, not wanting to fight either of them and trying to stop them from fighting each other) lasts a few decades and only ceases when nai shoots his brother out of the sky by accident
by then little was left of the original seeds project, losing the battle in the end. the sky and desert are a graveyard of ships and aircraft a century later. most of humanity doesnt remember the project or know what happened. a majority of the population abandoned seeds and fled the facilities to establish their own settlements during the war
and thats the deal with seeds! i think? did it explain anything? i got so caught up in writing this that i wrote down some of the early plot dhgfjhdfg
#ask#untitled plane au#nai was scared they would end up like tesla#maybe not dead but losing their independence and being reduced to a computer in charge of a colony ship#which wasnt wrong of him to assume#its what seeds were testing with the twins#just on a smaller scale#they were trying to find a way to reduce the need for human input for future long interstellar travel to the absolute bare minimum#so the staff could remain in cold sleep for longer periods of time too#they hoped that replacing the unfeeling ai with a “human” but unaging element would make for a better overseer#humans have different priorities than machines#its why WE still rely on human input instead of letting machines do everything#god i am RAMBLING#sorry again if im not making sense
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people sure do love consuming content but ignoring art huh
is it really that hard to click a kudos button (not the tumblr like button, seriously fuck that noise) if you reach the end of a fic, or writing two words ("loved/liked this") to encourage a writer?
also is it *really* that difficult to hit reblog on this site? be real with me for a second. is it?
yall are just bunch of consumers who are destroying any fun in making and sharing art cause yall are so conditioned to the quick-and-fast-blink-and-you-miss-it consumerism of modern social media content
CLICKING BUTTONS TO ENCOURAGE AND SHARE STUFF IS FREE. TYPING OUT TWO WORDS TO TELL SOMEONE YOU LIKED THEIR WORK ENOUGH TO FINISH READING IT IS FREE AND TAKES FIVE SECONDS MAX
you literally have no excuse. thats all
#back on my bullshit? yes im tired and just about ready to start throwing hands#stop being awful to fic writers. support your friends and moots. expand your horizons by reading new stuff#'i dont even go here but' is one of the most encouraging forms of commenting. fucking use it#and also reblog this or i swear to fucking god#..can you tell im hungry? i sure can but it doesnt change the fact that this is still true and i hate it how often it needs to be said#im fucking trying my goddamn hardest here. yall could do the bare fucking minimum jfc#yes i wrote this in a very guilt trippy way but i literally dont care. tough love or whatever the fuck#im gonna go make dinner good fucking day#night is an absolute mess on main
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the high prices of fucking Everything is so exhausting i stg
#i need to take an uber to the vet TEN MINUTES AWAY#i repeat IT IS A TEN MINUTE DRIVE#and its gonna cost me nearly 60 bucks. the FUCK#and who knows how much the checkup for my cats is gonna cost#let alone whatever prescription they need for the long drive#im so tired. im so so tired#its moments like these where i can see my future#ah yes. working 9-5 for a company that sees me as nothing more than a tool to be replaced when broken#just barely scraping by on minimum wage in a world where that isnt enough to pay for essentials#left with no time or energy to actually enjoy being alive or do the things i love#years and years of the same exact shit over and over and over again hating every second#and KNOWING it could be so much better but also knowing that it fucking Cant. sigh#sorry sorry im just. angry again at the absolute state of things#i would love to love life but my fucking god the world at large makes it tough#white-knuckling the little things once again#man its just. its so STUPID lmao#like why are we torturing ourselves like this? why are we just Accepting this#life could be so great but stupid shit like taxes and inflation and utilities exist#most of the shit we have to pay for should be free. it should be free.#it shouldnt be difficult to Live just because the majority of us don't have the fake fucking paper to buy things#its pointless its ridiculous and it makes me furious#why should i kill myself just to survive huh. why should i. why should any of us.#we all deserve to fuckin. idk enjoy sunsets and good food and art and each others' company.#instead everyone's stressing themselves to death over making rent and getting groceries and paying bills. fuck.#id love to be able to create art that Sells and open a shop or something#but also the thought of creating purposefully marketable art purely to make money fucking kills me inside#comms are one thing but... just... sighing sighing sighing. man idk#i just dont know. ill deal but everytime i manage to think positively reality comes in with a sledgehammer and now i want to go back to bed#the point is to live BUT YA CANT FUCKIN LIVE BC POINTLESS STUFF REIGNS SUPREME. WHO'S GONNA COMMIT ARSON W ME CMON LETS GO#this stupid fucking country and this stupid fucking government. i hate it here
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Happy Shinichi Day! In a few timezones still.
While I don't have anything new and complete for the occasion, I have been working on this Jimjam AMV and thought I'd share a WIP! (Even if it isn't exactly the happiest edit for the birthday boy...)
Song is the nicopop. poolside Remix of "Messed Up" by Lizzy Land, which you can listen to here!
#detective conan#case closed#shinichi kudo#conan edogawa#ran mori#lizzy land#amv#video#my amvs#eye strain#i don't normally post wips to tumblr (though i do in my workbench on the dcmk fanworks server!)#but maybe i should do this more to show tumblr that i *am* working on things ^^;#they all just take forever... i feel so annoying for reiterating it but my amvs take an absolute minimum of 20 hours...#the last one took over 60... i wish i could post more but i'm so persnickety about them that they just take ages#liking how this one is coming along though!#still need to edit that split screen near the end there--and thank you to everyone who provided feedback on that!#i haven't managed to actually try much with it yet because i've just been so focused on other projects#but someday soon!#hopefully!
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Is there a more specific term than "agnostic" for me cause I feel like that implies "I believe in a deity/deities/spiritual relationship, I just don't exactly know which one or how"
My belief is less "I don't know" and more "I think there's the possibility of something out there it's just that it's none of my business." Like if we found out Zeus, Jesus Christ, and Ra are actually best buddies and go to trivia every Thursday and that the Rapture was supposed to happen 50 years ago and got cancelled or some shit and it's like..I answer phone calls at a front desk man idk what you want me to do with that info
#this probably is just 'agnostic' Id just like to feel special <3#I make minimum wage and you want me to worry about if there's a heaven or hell???#bro I don't care about purgatory I'm on the phone with my health insurance#It is flat out None Of My Business what's going on outside of this physical plane and I do not plan on changing that#It's the same way I feel about ghosts#Were my childhood homes haunted? Probably!#Am I gonna fuck around and find out? Absolutely fucking not!#What they get up to is none of my business. I'm gonna keep acting like they aren't there unless they need help and make it obvious#and even then I'm not doing more shit than like opening a window#I'm not gonna fuck around and accidentally anger some higher power or ghost cause I'm scared of uncertainty#I've got an exam due today like idk man what freaky shit higher powers do is their business I'm not tryna intrude on shit#Im also into the idea that the belief in a higher power creates them#Like even if there's no physical manifestation they've influenced your train of thought so much they might as well be#ex christian#religious trauma
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Hohohohohohohohoooooo!!! Items aquired.....
Now to make some more designs now that I know how the process goes... Entirely OC items for my own amusement though, of course.
#tit mousepad and daki on the menu absolutely. once i figure out which characters i find funny enough#bought from Vograce since it seemed so reasonably priced and timed i was curious. and yep these are fucking good. i will be returning#minimum order of 3 makes it perfect for if you wanna just make oc things for you and your friends#doodlebyte#purrgatorio#original character#oc art#ali alighieri#demon oc#in theory i'd be happy to sell some once i get around to my second order but LMAO ive never shipped product for real & my ocs do NOOOT#have an audience yet. so. yall might have to wait. or get real loud real fast#but yeah for now these 3 are mine even my friends dont get any. sorry guys these are my proofs to refer back to LOL#this is reminding me i need to get back to cliffzine tho. which i will. thatll be a digital purchase with a free html flipthru
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Anyone have any experience working for DoorDash, Uber Eats, or the likes of them? How is it, and which one is best?
#doordash#uber eats#Curious as I might want a third job; but not something super taxing and delivering food seems easy enough#I never know what to do with myself on weekends because of the lack of structure and expectations so I seethe until I’m asleep lol#third job#job search#side hustle#idk what to tag this#I need to have half of a schedule at all times or I will feel lost and gross#I need half of my day on a rigid schedule and half to do whatever the fuck I want#Which is why I work for the school system and not in retail because I know I will work the same days and the same hours every week#“Retail jobs are great for ADHD people because of the spontaneity and variable hours!” BITCH WHAT??? ABSOLUTELY NOT#I could only stand it for five months. I was narrowly holding myself back from beating customers with a ladder after my fourth month#How people work retail their whole lives I cannot fathom.#I am much more peaceful now that I am on a set schedule and earn more than a dollar over minimum wage
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heres the calender for the first 26 episodes of riptide!! as of episode 26, its been 31 days since episode 1! one whole month of the riptide pirates :]
#my post#jrwi riptide#just roll with it show#the riptide pirates#saving this one for later#this is the absolute minimum- there were a few instances where grizzly just said 'you sail for a few days' or 'you spend a couple days'#so i rounded 'few' to 3 days and 'couple' to 2#SO YEAH!!! this is so fun :333#anyways i havent actually finished 26 yet i need to go watch chip kill people
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Jensen stans who continue to trash Misha and deny the authenticity of JenMish friendship and how close they are or who continue to trash Danneel and the Ackles marriage are vile.
#welcome to the next performance of parasocializing hell fandom theater#one of many hellish things about the actor fandom parts of spn fandom that is burning me out and crushing my enjoyment#imagine continuing to push this denialism kool aid while claiming to be a Jensen expert who respects Jensen!!!!#and the ones who do this have had the absolute unmitigated gall#to ship shame at fans who have far more respect than they do for Jensen's personal life and feelings and relationships and boundaries!!!!!!#you don't have to like someone just because Jensen loves them but there needs to be bare minimum of don't be an a-hole#and don't guzzle the anti-parasocializing kool aid so hard it rots your brains#i set the bar so very very low and i'm still disappointed#dot trolls fandom
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CHENYU VALE OST COULD FIX ME!!!!!!!!!!!
is nobody going to mention that there's apparently a boatman called Bosu who sings a folk song while rowing you from Yilong Wharf or was i supposed to stumble on a youtube recording of him myself
#WWWWWWWWAAAAAHHHH oh that was such a nice song#oh apparently there's another guy. sun rao. different song#the music is absolutely SOLOING but im lowkey behind i haven't done any exploration besides minimum needed to collect dailies </3#chenyu vale#liveblog insanity
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people on this website flat out do not understand what makes someone "bourgeoise" or even just rich. this is what people on this website sound like sometimes
#leo rambles#like yes two pairs of 400 dollar sweatpants is ridiculous but a several hundred dollar coat or something is like#unless it's designer it is probably. absolutely worth that cost. and sometimes even when its designer it is#if i had a 400 dollar coat and it was the only coat i owned bc it was the only one i needed would yall guillotine me for that???#yall really think you can judge someone's socioeconomic level from the purchase of one item.#your coworker making minimum wage at mcdonalds finally got tickets for his bucket list trip to burning man? throw him on the pyre. christ#i could tell some of yall that i own a 100 dollar blanket and you'd want to see my head on a stick
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how bad a sign is it that I not only don't want to go home but I'm dreading it
#I'm literally in the airport at my gate right now. I feel like going home is going to kill me#like. I work a job that is basically three jobs and barely make minimum wage. I struggle to get along with my family despite#how much I love them. I have absolutely zero career options no friends and no goals to aim for back home#shoot I need to move into a city don't I. oh frick. ohhh heck oh no#Lu rambles#adulthood woes
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