#askmademoiselle

[mademoisellehypergamy]

should you let other men know you're multi-dating

Hi love,

Remember: always move in silence. There is no reason for the men in your rotation to know.

A rotation/multi-dating doesn't mean having sex with a bunch of men. Dating is an elimination process. An observation period for you to see which men are serious.

[mademoisellehypergamy]

What do you think are the most beneficial hobbies for hypergamy/leveling up?

Hi love,

The most beneficial hobbies are ones that fall in any of the following categories:

1. Self-improvement (meditation, religion)

2. Fitness (yoga, pilates, tennis)

3. The arts (dance, painting, book clubs)

4. Philanthropy/service (non-profit groups)

5. Modern society (think tech-related, politics)

The best hobbies are those that overlap in categories.

[mademoisellehypergamy]

Do you allow yourself to fall in love? Can this be controlled? If so, teach me how to be detached.

Hi love,

You can fall in love. Just fall in love AFTER these conditions have been met:

1. This is a man you are married to/preparing to marry. No use in falling in love with men on your roster. If it's not serious, it's a waste of time.

2. He has passed your vetting process and proven to be consistent. There is no reason to "fall in love" with a man who has not met all your necessary criteria. You are just setting yourself up for failure.

I know sometimes I am hard about "love", but my overall message is to put love LAST. It should never be your motivating factor. Falling in love nowadays is a scam sold to women. True love comes from time and dedication. So make sure a man checks off all your boxes and shows consistency before even considering love.

[mademoisellehypergamy]

Any tips for looking classy when you can only shop at Shein? 🥺👉👈

Hi love,

You can absolutely make clothes from Shein look classy! Work with what you have, even if it is cheaper clothes. I'm still working on my style guide which will expand on how to dress more classy, especially if you are on a budget. Until I release this, I recommend:

1. Focusing on the material. A lot of clothes from Shein are made from materials that either look cheap or feel cheap. Read the product description so you know what to expect.

2. Search for dupes; Shein has a lot of luxury dupes, especially dresses. These items are typically made of better materials, and look fit better overall.

3. Avoid trends.

I know these prints have been popular on social media, but if you're aiming at dressing classy, I don't recommend these "trendy" styles.

4. Avoid overly revealing clothes. The Fashion Nova style will not work. Also, the fit of the clothes matters! If it's too loose, too tight, or just doesn't fit right it'll look cheap. The reason celebrities, models (runway and commercial), and the wealthy look "better" in some clothes is because it's tailored to fit their body.

5. Dresses + Skirts. When in doubt, buy a dress or skirt. This is the easiest way to dress classy.

When you are able to, I recommend moving away from buying from Shein so you can invest in a quality wardrobe. But until then, work with what you can. Below are dresses I found from a quick search on Shein that could work if paired correctly (hair, makeup, accessories, shoes, stocking/tights if needed). Remember, EVERYTHING contributes to looking classy. Not just the clothes.

[mademoisellehypergamy]

Hi! I'm 18, sophomore in college, black, and overweight/curvy but, I want to pursue sugaring/hypergamy when I finally attend on-campus. I took my freshman year online. My college is in the wealthier part of North Arkansas but, I don't know how to branch myself out to attract the older men on and around campus.

Hi love,

I've never been to Arkansas, so I cannot speak much regarding the area, but I would advise you to see the demographics of the area you attend school.

As for advice, I would recommend:

- Losing weight; being overweight will impacts your odds, so incorporate a healthy diet and exercise. - Join beneficial clubs (political, premed, prelaw, tech, polo, tennis, social clubs). Avoid joining SJW clubs or black-only organizations. - Get close with professors. Not to date them, but for letters of recommendation.

Hypergamy in college is difficult unless you infiltrate wealthy circles because most college students don't have a source of income. That's not to say you might not be lucky and encounter a student whose family has money. Your best bet is dating outside the university.

I like to encourage young women to use college to network and make as many friends as possible across different industries. That computer science guy can end up making it big in tech after graduation. You never know who it'll be, so network!

[mademoisellehypergamy]

Hi Mademoiselle. Hope you're well.I have a doubt: The beginning of a relationship is a game, that's a fact! There are countless advices about this! But then what? How to turn this "game" into something serious (dating or marriage)? Will I always play with my partner? I realize that by giving in a little, men lose interest and we're back to square one, help me!

Hi love,

Hmm, when people say the beginning of a relationship "is a game", see it from the prespective that "you shouldn't take it too seriously, have fun".

Men know very quickly if you are someone long term or short term. This is why a lot of times men may be "playing a game" as they try to categorize you. Sometimes they toy with you to see if they can get someone better (their dream girl).

You shouldn't always play games with your partner, but you should always:

- Be the prize. A man who prizes a woman will always work to keep her.

- Not be afraid to walk away

- Priortize yourself

- Better yourself and improve your charisma

As you progress in a relatioship, you will find that a man who is turly interested in you will not lose interest.

[mademoisellehypergamy]

Hi, I love your blog and all the advice you've posted. They've all worked *wonders* for me, truly! 💖 I was wondering if you have any experience with the East Asian sphere, or know any good books/blogs that offer solid guidance on that path? I was thinking of branching out that way!

Hi love,

Aww, thank you so much!

If you would like to join East Asian circles, I would recommend placing yourself in areas that you will be able to interact with this demographic more.

Simple things like where you shop and what hobbies you take up can impact this.

I would go to a Korean skincare store a few years back and I went so often that I befriended the shop owner. She would invite me to parties around the holidays a lot, and I remember making a good number of connections through these parties (and the demographic was mostly Asian).

As far as dating, I am not sure about your race anon, but me being a black woman I found hypergamy more complex when dating Asian men in general (not just East Asian, also South Asian). Their family was a MUCH bigger factor in how they maneuvered relationships, and even if the man himself is not racist, it was less likely he would actually marry a black woman/or out of his race if he was wealthy. The dynamic between dating wealthy Asian men vs American or even European men was much different. Just something to keep in mind. The Asian men I have dated in the past were very generous and didn't mind providing.

[mademoisellehypergamy]

Hi! Do you think Georgia is a good place to go and practice hypergamy? There’s a lot of corporations there’s like CNN and Coca Cola.

Hi love,

You can practice hypergamy anywhere! The better question you should ask yourself is "Am I a prize in Georgia?".

For example, if there was an average-looking woman that wasn't raised among affluent circles in her mid-30's who wanted to move to NYC, LA, or Miami in hopes of being hypergamous in those areas, I would strongly discourage her. Because unless she had that "je ne sais quoi" or got lucky, she would be diminishing her odds of being hypergamous.

So you need to look at yourself, and then look at the area of Georgia you are considering. Then ask yourself:

1. How do the women there look like? Will my appearance help or hinder me? 2. Will my race help or hinder me in this area? (Your race matters!) 3. What is the demographic there like? (Education, race, religion, income, age) 4. How accessible is this area of other cities/locations

Place yourself where you will be prized! The easiest way to do this is to spend a weekend in the area you're considering. Go out during that weekend to different places (grocery stores, restaurants, malls) and see for yourself what happens.

[mademoisellehypergamy]

Advice for 18 year olds 😊 and how to use your social media to social climb/ how to present yourself online? Thank you

Hi hun,

Nothing brings me more joy than seeing young, hypergamous women! For all you ladies 16-23 years old already starting your hypergamous journey, I applaud you.

At this age, my advice is: - Work on your body, and maintain it; between the ages of 18-22, your body will change rapidly. A lot of women let go early on, when this is the time you should be fine tuning your body! Eat well, and stay fit.

- Ignore boys, be careful with men. 

“Boys” = most guys in your age group that are not establish/aren’t heirs. Even if they are heirs, most of them are arrogant and f*** boys. Don’t waste your time or energy on these boys. 

Men also may prey on you because you are young (they will think you are naive and easy to manipulate). Do not compromise with these men. Either you get what you want or they can leave.

- Network. Make friends, and keep in contact. Especially if you’re in college now.

- Work on your future career/passions. Go to school, start a business, become a model-- do whatever you desire. 

- Heal childhood trauma; if you have any mental illnesses or overcame traumatic events, please be sure to heal.  Now is the time. 

- Learn another language. It only gets more difficult with age.

- Claim virginity to delay sexual pressure; part of seduction is delaying gratification. If you are younger, you can easily do this by claiming virginity and men will eat it up. Don’t feel ashamed, USE IT. Even if you’re not a virgin, use it, they won’t know! Also, please protect your body. Do not give it out to low value men or men who do not adore you fully. Know your worth.

- Don’t listen to your friends. They should not know about your journey; let them follow dusties, but you should NEVER do the same. You are a hypergamous woman. You do not date random men or hook up with dusties. 

USING SOCIAL MEDIA TO SOCIAL CLIMB

- Build a persona; don’t post pictures too often, no more than once a week. Ideally only once a month. Only allow people to have a glimpse into your life, and leave them craving more. Curiosity makes people crave you more.

- Make sure your pictures are all high quality; invest in a decent camera/phone. Utilize tags, and keep your profile public.

- Utilize stories to portray the life you want others to perceive you have. You might be broke sis, but they don’t need to know that. If you want to portray the life of a model, observe what other models post to get inspiration. If you want to portray the life of a business woman or a philanthropist, observe those women.

- Follow people who share mutual followers as you/live in the same area. Like/comment when you can to build rapport. 

- Build a following; everyone is marketable. Find your market. The larger your following, the more you’ll notice people just reach out to you randomly.

- Advocate for a cause; if you are passionate about a cause, DM people who also are interested in the cause to see you can connect. I have done this many times when fundraising, and this has allowed me to network across the globe from the comfort of my phone!

I could go on for days... I will have to make a full length post on this <3 

[mademoisellehypergamy]

How long do you wait before meeting a pot? I have afew trying to meet but we just starting talking a week ago? Is that reason to be concerned?

Hi love,

You should wait until you have vetted them out completely. This includes:

- Verifying their identity (online is the easiest way, verify their job too) - A phone call/Facetime to prove their identity - He has shown consistency and no red flags over the phone/through text messages

I usually encourage women to wait at least a week before meeting a man because the vetting process cannot happen in a day. Take your time until you feel comfortable, there is no rush.

[mademoisellehypergamy]

hello! i adore ur blog and what u preach so much, its really inspiring!! would u be willing to give advice for a wealthy woman who wants to spoil maybe a not so money affluent bf? he's really sweet and kind and i could see myself w him permanently in the future but im not sure how to introduce him to old money sort of events and the lifestyle ive grown up with! for context, my family is quite prestigious and we're well off but i want to be at my best with my bf and most feminine

My dear,

I say this with only pure love towards you: don't do it

With your family's background, your opportunities are endless. Don't do this to yourself, sis.

Drop the boyfriend, level up mentally, and date hypergamously only.

Men are notorious for using women to level up, and when they have money and power, they switch her out for a new girl who will enjoy all the luxuries.

Now, you are free to do whatever you desire, but know that my blog is a hypergamy blog for women. The advice I give is to help other women because I truly care about you all, and want you all to live the best life possible.

.

[mademoisellehypergamy]

Asexuality & Hypergamy

Hi loves,

The following was sent to me privately as a response to the anon who asked about being asexual and hypergamous. To protect her identity, I have copied it below. This blog is to help women on their hypergamous journey, and I found her message insightful for women in this situation.

*Just as a reminder ladies: hypergamy is a numbers game. I’ve said this for over a year now. I’ve stressed to you all that the key to marrying hypergamously is through increasing your ODDS. So be who you want to be, but understand everything impacts your odds of being successful. And sexuality does and will have an impact.*  

Hi mademoiselle,

If you don’t mind I would like to share my experience regarding the anon who asked about hypergamy and being asexual.

I think more people are talking about asexuality online and that makes me cringe to see that now there is a whole community and a flag for asexuals & I am glad that I didn’t find out about this community before so I didn’t normalize my situation back then.

I was asexual ( I thought ) and I just needed therapy. I am not fully « normal » but my hypergamous goals pushed me to not accept this reality and after 7 sessions things shifted soooo much for my sexuality.

It is a lonely road and I wish someone has told me 7-8 years before that I was NOT asexual I just needed therapy.

Girls hypergamy is about bettering ourselves and get outside off our comfort zone and embody the fact that we are the last thing that we should gave up on. 💕

[mademoisellehypergamy]

Do you have any tips for weightloss and/or weight maintenance?

Hi love,

The most important thing to keep in mind is that genetics and what you eat are both the biggest contributing factors to weight gain/loss.

Start off by cutting down on sugars (soda, candy, junk food). Also, calculate how many calories you should be eating each day to lose weight and stick to it. Incorporate as many healthy food options as possible and don't feel like you have to give up everything to lose weight.

I also encourage women to meet with a Dietician and weight loss specialist if they are struggling to lose weight. Sometimes, a professional may offer more help! Many insurances in the US cover the visit with a dietician too.

[mademoisellehypergamy]

Can you attract rich & HVM if you’re not that pretty?

Hi love,

Oh, absolutely.

Have you ever seen those girls that look "average", but all the men are interested in them? Have you seen the wives of the wealthy? Sure,a lot of them are pretty, but most are average looking.

Being extremely beautiful will catch attention, but attention does nothing for you unless you can keep it.

[mademoisellehypergamy]

Hi love! Advice for a 16 year old that's on her femininity and leveling-up journey?

Hi darling,

I support and welcome  my younger hypergamous sisters learning about hypergamy! You ladies are wise, and I know you will all succeed on your journey.

However, if you are under the age of 18, PLEASE do not date men over the age of 18. These men are exhibiting predatory behavior, and are unsafe. At this age, please focus on the following:

- Take etiquette classes; in the USA, there’s “Cotillion”. Please consider signing up; when you are 17/18, they have national level debutante balls that you can be invited to which is perfect for networking, and just presenting yourself to higher society.

- Study. Study. Study. Get into a good university, and if you have any concerns about scholarships/tuition, please reach out. I offer free academic advising to all my hypergamous sisters. <3 

- Work on your skin, body, and diet. Now is the ideal age to do this and maintain it!

- Develop your sensuality; I recommend taking yoga, art, or dance classes. Meditate daily. Your femininity is within you, not in dresses, long hair, or make up.

- Become secure and independent. Pick up a part time if you can, and save up as much money as possible. Your future self will thank you.

- Chat with men and women; understanding the nature of humans comes from interactions. Do not avoid men (your age), but don’t bother dating. Chat with them so you can become socially comfortable. 

- Learn another language. 

- Learn how to play an instrument.

At this age, dating should not be your focus. Refine yourself, and prepare yourself to become a high value, complete woman. 

Good luck :) 

[mademoisellehypergamy]

Just a question I had after your last post. When delaying sex, how would you phrase it necessarily? You mentioned that you have to phrase it correctly, and I would really like some tips. Thank you so much for your posts, honestly, you're right most of the time and I hate myself for not realizing some of the points you have made the last 34 years of my life. I hope I can still find a man haha

Hi love,

SCRIPT ON WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU WANT TO DELAY SEX ***Note: If a man doesn’t respect your boundaries when you politely decline intimacy, don’t entertain him. Leave. Do not ignore this behavior.***

- “You make me feel so amazing when we’re together, but feeling secure is really important to me before becoming intimate with a man.”  = I like you, but I need more security (money, gifts, financial support, business support, commitment, etc.)

- “I feel so happy with you and a lot of chemistry, I hope you don’t mind taking things a little slow, I can be a little shy sometimes/I enjoy the connection we’re making.” =  I like you and the way you treat me, but you’re going too fast.

-  “I love the connection we have, but I’m still a little shy and nervous” = I like you, but we should go on more dates so I can open up more.

- “I’m really attracted to you and feel a strong connection, I definitely feel like soon I’ll be ready for us to connect at a deeper level.” = I like you, and soon we’ll be intimate-- but not today. Or tomorrow.

The key is to start off complimenting him on how wonderful he makes you feel to deflect his initiation at intimacy (the phrases I italicized), then add the delay (phrases I bolded).  Make it seem like the delay is due to something on your end (comfort, shyness, not the right timing). But whatever the delay is, make sure it’s something that has a ‘solution’. This way he will feel like he can ‘solve’ it and has a chance at intimacy soon. 

Another good tip is to avoid going to his place (or your place! Especially in the evenings) or sharing hotel rooms on trips. If you see things are getting too steamy, bait and run (stop whatever is happening, make an excuse, and leave him wanting more!).

Don’t hate yourself, you know now and that’s what matters. Hope this helps :)