#asked if i could pay for 'just enough gas to get home' and she'd give me her phone number so she could pay me back

[just-your-average-tangerine]

I want to be the kind of person who does good deeds and helps people and what not and yet everytime I do, I suffer for it

[multistanisms]

No one talks about how tough it is to go No Contact with someone and stand your ground on that choice because you're tired of giving a person chances.

Short Version: Around mid-February, I decided to go no contact with one of my younger sisters. This was not long after our youngest sibling got married, and the sister I chose to cut contact with made a huge deal out of what was apparently nothing. After years of the toxicity, this was where I finally said 'enough'.

Below the cut is just more insight/history into this decision, you don't have to read it, but it explains the build up to the decision I made. It is an extremely long post because as mentioned, it took literal years before I made this call simply because she was my sister. There may be some triggering content, although I'm not sure how bad it would be, so please take care if you choose to read.

Long Version: This sister, we'll call her R, was fine growing up, until the seventh grade, when she started this "camp". While at this camp she found religion [no big deal, right?], but it changed her very negatively. The woman who ran the camp convinced my sister that because she had found religion, she was superior to the rest of her family. That we owed her the lifestyle of a upper-middle class/upper class individual. That she had no reason to do anything that didn't come directly from or as a suggestion from this woman. I'm talking my sister no longer did homework until the last possible second to help at this place and then blamed my parents and I because we had jobs and couldn't call out of work to help her with things she had known about for at least a week, refused to do chores of any kind, etc.

In her freshman year, she started making tips for helping out at the camp, and increased how often she went, then demanded my parents and I pay all expenses to drive her back and forth to this camp every other weekend despite none of us being allowed to stay the weekend in the guest house where my sister stayed. This camp was a three hour drive from our home and we could not afford a hotel every other weekend in an attempt to save the gas, nor could we get/rotate every third weekend off at our jobs to take her. So we would have to drive her to the camp Friday after school, drive back home that night, then drive all the way back out to get her Sunday afternoon/evening so she could go to school. After about four months, we started asking her to at least use some of her tips [she was making at least $150-$200 every other weekend] to chip in on paying for some of the gas it took to constantly be making this trip for her. She argued about it, and I stepped in to remind her that we were not obligated to take her to this camp, how her grades were suffering because her entire focus was the camp and she needed to put her education as a priority over the camp and the woman who ran it.

She punched me. I fought back. My dad pulled us apart. Depite that, R continued to focus all on the camp, now claiming she was taking homework with her to work on during her downtime at the camp. Any time we told her we couldn't afford the gas to take her, she'd have the woman or her husband drive to our house to get her and they would bring her back. By the time she graduated, she was pissed because her twin, I'll call her S, (who had been behind her in class rank from the start of middle school) had not only managed to match her academically, but had surpassed her in class rank by a large margin, and it who did R blame? Our parents and I. We were the reason because we "refused" to help her with her studies, despite us saying she needed to cut down on the time spent at the camp so she could study and we could help her. She then announced that she would be moving into the guest house at the camp after graduation. We had a family talk about it, both my parents and I making sure this was what she wanted going forward. She said she was sure, and that the woman had connections to get her into a really good college. We agreed that if it was what she wanted to do, we would support her. The day after graduation, the woman and her husband showed up with a trailer and helped R take all of her stuff to the camp, wouldn't let us help her or anything. The woman's "really good college" was just a community college, but at least my sister could get her basics out of the way before trying for a college where she could specialize in teaching, which is what she wanted to do.

R has lived in that area since, the only one further than an hour from the rest of the family. When she started dating her now fiancé, things got much more tense between everyone. Rather than telling us herself, her boyfriend found our mother on facebook and proceeded to message her letting her know his name and that he had spent the weekend "fucking her daughter". When she called R, R saw nothing wrong in that being how her boyfriend introduced himself to her parents. She insisted we all meet up so he could meet everyone, we all made arrangements to have a family game night with pizza and soda at the apartment that S and I had. She arrived about an hour before her boyfriend, things were fine. Everyone was having a good time together.

Until my front door opened and her boyfriend just let himself inside.

I immediately was up, ready to fight an intruder, and asked who he thought he was. He proceeded to say we were expecting him, so he saw no problem with just walking in. I asked if it was his home, and he replied with "no, but you were expecting me." That particular exchange happened three times before R was finally like 'what do you do when you go to a stranger's house?' It seemed like only then did he realize. I told him he was going back outside and knocking like a person who at least wanted to attempt to make a good second chance first impression on his girlfriend's family. He didn't like that, but did as I said and according to R his mood was ruined for the night because I "treated him like a child". I told her I didn't care if his mood was ruined because he crossed a very obvious boundary and I stood my ground on making sure he knew he was to respect those boundaries moving forward. Then our youngest sister, let's call her F, went to spend a weekend with her, and this boyfriend really hit a red flag.

While my sister wen out to grab groceries, he went to her room, came back with a d*ldo, turned it on and proceeded to set it in my youngest sister's lap. Not only that, he manipulated F into faking a text message conversation where she acted like she was interested in him/wanted him to cheat on R with her...because he really liked and enjoyed seeing my sister jealous and angry. Even after he told R it was a joke, she was furious at F for months while he got a free pass despite it being his idea/manipulation. He then successfully came between her and every friend she had made through work and school in the area, isolating her from a support system that wasn't him. Even the woman who ran the camp didn't want my sister there if he was around. We did our best to be accepting of this guy, but the way he treated R was just so aggravating, it was hard for me to see all the red flags (having gone through it myself) and how willing she was to ignore them, but I kept my mouth shut because she was happy/

Not long after, she caught covid in its height, and instead of trying to work with her landlord about help during it, getting help from her boyfriend (he didn't live with her because "his grandparents wouldn't let him move out"), she did nothing to try and help herself. Even after calling and asking for the family advice - where we all told her to let her landlord, light company, etc. know she had covid and would need help because we couldn't afford to help her pay all her bills plus the bills we all had to take care of (S and I had a place, F had a place with her then gf, and our parents had a place - all of them with rent/lights/internet/food/water, plus my parents and I both had car payments). She finally made a decision to move back home when she found out she was about to be evicted for nonpayment of rent, and her twin and I offered to let her stay with us; we only gave three conditions.

1 - No animals (we were at max capacity for animals in my apartment with my ESA and her twin's two cats), 2 - she had to find work to help with bills, and 3 - she would have to be put on the lease. She agreed to these conditions, and we began preparing to have a third person in the apartment. But when she showed up, she had a dog - a stray she had taken in after agreeing to the conditions. She also wasn't trying to potty train the dog or anything. We let her know the dog would either have to go back with her boyfriend, or we would have to give him to a shelter. She argued with us over it, and in the end, we let the dog stay overnight so we could figure out what to do in the morning.

The dog tormented S' cats all day the day before when they arrived, as well as antagonizing my dog, and eventually one cat refused to come out from under the couch, not even to eat, because of this stray dog going after him. R also put my dog in his kennel as soon as I left for work that afternoon, so her stray could roam the apartment as he pleased, peeing and shitting wherever he liked. When I got home, I made a point of reminding her that my dog lived here, that the stray should not have even been brought, and that we needed to decide what to do with it. S said that the stray would have to be taken outside to go to the bathroom, her boyfriend literally laughed in our faces and said 'yeah, no, he doesn't go to the bathroom outside'. I looked him in the eye and told him that if that were the case, he was taking the dog back with him. My sister did not like how final I was about it, and started yelling at me.

I simply explained to her that we had already told her that she wasn't allowed to bring any animals as part of us allowing her to stay with us while she got back on her feet. Then she tried to say it wasn't fair because S' cat was tormenting her dog and that we were disrespecting her by not allowing her to keep the dog (again, she picked up this stray after agreeing to our condition of no animals). Her twin did not take kindly to that, and even though I tried to resolve the situation calmly, R kept going, eventually saying that she would have to be there if S and I had just given her money to fix her bank account and pay bills instead of our hobbies. S finally told her to get the fuck out, because if anyone was being disrespectful, it was R for blatantly ignoring the rules we put in place just because she felt she was entitled to whatever she wanted, on top of thinking we owed it to her to fix where she refused to help herself. When R began putting stuff back in her car, her boyfriend turned on a dime and was suddenly trying to be intimidating and cruel, getting into our personal space and being condescending as he told us he couldn't believe we were refusing to help his girlfriend in her time of need (as if he was doing anything for her himself besides egging on the arguments). As soon as she came back in for another box, the switch flipped and he was back to acting aloof and unintelligent, which only further made me concerned about him.

We didn't hear from them for months until close to this time of year, when my sister made a group chat for the family asking all of us to cook Thanksgiving dinner items and bring them with us to her place so she could host; that she would do the turkey, rolls and mashed potatoes and we could do the rest. Literally everyone was like 'you want us to cook and then bring the rest of the food to you? Three hours away? When you and your boyfriend are the only ones that far out?' She said it was only fair we make the food and bring it with us, since she "was only one person and couldn't cook everything day of". We tried to explain that while we understood she wanted to host, a big part of the responsibility of hosting a holiday was meal prep and cooking. We offered to send her money to make sure ingredients were gotten and even said a couple of us could go down a few days before to help set up and arrange the food as well as start the actual cooking with her. She refused to let anyone come before Thanksgiving day because her boyfriend would be there and she didn't trust us around him, which threw all of us off. Then her boyfriend chimed in saying how dare we purposely isolate R and make her feel unwelcome in the family just because we want to be lazy and not cook and take advantage of her kindness. I spoke up and merely stated 'if offering to come days in advance to help with shopping and cooking is being lazy and taking advantage, I can't imagine what being considerate is to you'.

Her boyfriend demanded an apology for my 'being disrespectful to him' in a group setting, and I promptly reminded him of his in person disrespect to not just me, but my entire family when we first met him. My sister said I should apologize cuz he was her boyfriend and a part of the family now. I outright said no, because S and I still had no apology from the incident where we went out of our way to help and got thoroughly disrespected and R and her bf attempted to use us as doormats. R then got angry, demanding to know what it was she had to apologize for because she had been at rock bottom at that point and we threw her out. S then reminded her why we asked them to leave; that R agreed to our very simple conditions, how she ignored them regardless, how she had demanded that we fix her situation for her because we were holding our ground on the conditions and she didn't like it. R's boyfriend then said he didn't want R around any of us, since clearly we were just abusive to her and only wanted to hurt her. R agreed and we haven't seen them for a holiday since then, and it's been about three years now. Which is fine, trying to be cheerful when R wants everything to center around her is more draining than working OT at a DMV.

Apparently R managed to patch things with F, to the point that F asked her to be in the wedding party in February of this year. Okay cool. My sister is getting married, I'm happy for her. F put me in the wedding and then took me out over and over again, and finally I didn't even know if I was or not, so I just assumed I wasn't and went on my way. Then a week before the wedding, I got TOLD, not asked, by F that since I'm the only one with a TABC license, I had to man the bar at the reception. Day of I did my best to stay for the entire reception, but between the loud music, lack of food (I had only eaten a small plate of snacks I managed to sneak from the food table) and the noise of so many people talking and laughing while I was literally by myself in a little room handing out the occasional alcoholic beverage, I ended up getting a migraine and started asking about last rounds. I let F know that I had a migraine and needed to go so I could make it home safely, and she told me to be safe and let her know I got home. I said my goodbyes, gave out a last round, and went home - let F I made it safe as promised. No big deal.

Until the next day, when R decided to yell and scream at our parents for being so disrespectful because they didn't only talk about F and her new spouse during the reception. She also let them know how disrespected and disgusted F was with me for not fulfilling my role of the wedding as bartender, and how ungrateful I clearly was to have been chosen to be in the wedding at all (not sure being a last minute bartender counts as being in the wedding, but whatever). That we obviously didn't care about making the wedding about F and her spouse, only about us. When I heard this, I talked to F, who was very confused, but told me that she wasn't upset with me at all. She asked who told me that but I wouldn't tell, saying I just wanted to make certain I hadn't been disrespectful by asking to leave early because of my migraine (which I was still fighting at that point). F also confirmed that she and her spouse didn't care that the reception hadn't been only about them; it was essentially a party after the fact and no one was solely focused on them anyway. Nor was anyone really drinking, so my leaving an hour and a half early was no issue. After this incident, I decided to cut contact with R and her boyfriend, all but one way of communicating with me is blocked. She can still message/call me through snapchat - which she does with F all the time - she just chooses not to.

~*~*~

This will be the first holiday where I am actually no contact with her, and while I know my other siblings are making plans to go see her and such, I'm not surprised in the slightest. I gave R so many chances simply because 'that's your sister' and 'she's family' but every time I've given that chance, she's stomped on it like a bug. She can't make our parents the villain because she's conned our mother into giving her and her boyfriend [now fiancé] free decor for their wedding and she needs that free stuff. She managed to get back into F's good graces (I guess S' as well since S is apparently also trying to go with F to see R), so they can't be the bad guys. So the villain in her fairytale world is me. If that's what she wants me to be to make herself feel better, then so be it. I'm not apologizing for prioritizing myself, not anymore.

Looking back just makes it depressing. Blood family really isn't anything if they act like this, and I regret all the chances I gave to be treated like a doormat.

[kiaraspeaks]

Bryden Campbell:

It haunts Bryden that the man who is responsible for not only razing Mound Bayou to the ground is the same man's words who lead her to odd corners of the world. She doesn't know how to envision her own life without the agency. Would her parents still have met? What would the world have looked like? She looked at his scrawly handwriting and snapped the book shut and placed it back inside her bag with the rest of his dusty artifacts. As much as she hated this monster, he had never put terrible things like this into play. It was odd to be reading these words, exposing old secrets and trying to make amends, not for him, but to free herself and her family and give as many people a better life. She still knew this would never be enough.

Bryden stared out at the road ahead of her, she was surrounded by the night sky, the sound of bikes racing up and down the street, the lights of the gas station above flickered on and off, casting sickly green glow over them, and high grass on the other side of the station. She was exhausted looking for the clues this fucked up old man left behind, but it was the lot in life that she had chosen. Bryden pulled her hoodie over her head and parked the car, she placed the keys on the dashboard and leaned back in her seat, she hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep but she could sleep when Richard Pennyson was dead.

For now her face was plastered on every website, hung on posters across the United States and abroad, even here in Pakistan. Some rallied behind her and others called for her head on a pike. When word got out that the Soldier-Killing-gun-toting-supposedly-well-trained-child soldier was wanted all those megalomaniacs obsessed with some invisible war hung on every corner peering into the face of every young black girls face. It’s not what Bryden wanted, she was alright with a target on her back but nobody else’s, not innocent women and kids with too much of the world's problems on their shoulders already.

Bryden left Diaz back at the hotel while she struggled to find the man that Meriwether only described as 'the Good Doctor', she knew it had to be a pun of some sort. Good people didn't work for the agency, you couldn't retain your goodness and common decency and still be an agent of the state. Her father's words still weighed on her, for her to be able to trust him or her mother she needed to know the truth, starting with all those kids that disappeared on the island. She didn't fully expect her connect to pick up everything they were doing and fly to see them, but they did.

Someone tapped on the passenger side window before opening the door. They pulled their hood back and Bryden was surprised to see him, she didn’t expect him to answer her so soon. He had a file tucked under his arm, a bag slung across his chest and tilted his head to the side, the last time she saw him she left him back at a hotel in the Philippines. He had his own problems and knew meeting up with her was a favor, one she would have to pay back sooner than later.

“Look at you sweet thing, thought you didn’t get down with treason.” Gato said and laughed softly, hadn't he joked about treason with her before? She had had Ashanti on her mind back then, not this, nothing as complicated as taking on one of the most Dangeorus men in the United States.

“I don’t.”

“So they just fucking with your good name?” Gato asked.

“No, not exactly, I did something, something I probably shouldn't have.” Bryden said,

"Tell me more, tell me more." He said and propped his chin up on his elbow like they were at a sleepover, not like she was at the top of the United States shit list. He didn't look the slightest bit worried and it put her at ease a bit, but just a bit.

“But I’m not going to take that shit laying down.”

“You don’t seem like the type.”

“So do you have what I asked for?" Bryden asked, she hadn't called him for a roll in the hay, she needed the information, somewhere deep inside she wanted to trust her father. Years ago he had saved her, she felt like a damned fool for wanting his help after all this time. He was an agent and one of the damned best ones, he was trained to disarm others with first his words and eventually his weapons. This would put any worries to rest or so she told herself, Gato didn't give a shit about her parents, he could remain objective, wouldn't skew result in anybody's favor.

“Yeah, I had to call my ex-fiance  but I got it.”Gato said.

“Ex-fiance?” Bryden questioned.

“It was a long time ago sweet thing,  don't worry, you didn’t break up a happy home or anything.” He

“Happy home my ass, you propositioned me.”

“Didn’t expect you to be down for it.” He said and held the file out to her and she reached for it and he snatched it back, he cupped her chin with one free hand, holding her close to him as he whispered. She could kill him right now for doing such a thing, but she figured she'd entertain him, see just what his full plan was for her. “Tell me one thing.”

“Sure, it’s not like my life is in danger or anything.” Bryden said.

“You did that for you, right? None of this was about Ashanti. You didn’t kill for him, right?” He said with a touch of irritation and disappointment in his voice.

“It benefitted us both.” Bryden lied, killing the soldiers meant Ashanti had the men who hurt his family put to death, but Bryden hadn't exactly had that benefit. She could have gotten what she needed by grabbing one of them and cutting off their finger tips until they gave her the information she needed. So why had she done it? Why had she been so damn foolish? She knew whoever was out there, taunting her, pulling her into their twisted sordid game,

“Sweet thing,” He said in that charming and irritating chiding way of his, “What did I tell you about Ashanti?”

“Not to trust him.” Bryden said.

“And what did you do?” He asked, he had been leaning in closer and closer, if she just tilted her head forward they'd be kissing. She thought about the Royal Mandaya, it felt like a million years ago, and she felt wound even tighter now than she had back then with her parents and the Russian Mafia breathing down her neck. Now that felt like a cake walk compared to taking on a literal global army willing to do whatever to kill her.

“I fucked him.” She said but she hadn't looked away from him yet, he released his firm grip on her chin.

“They always do.” He said but his face remained passive, then he held the file out to her, “He call back yet?”

“We didn’t come here for a heart to heart, Gato.” She said.

“So that’s a no.” He said and snickered.

"Now I've got a question for you." She said as she began to go over the file. Richard Pennyson had approved the attcks, he had a list of children and they were all on there, even her name, a few had been checked off but the Santos family had passed on the job. If Gato was as honest as he was flirty, then Jodiah struck the fear of God into the family which should have been very hard to do, she knew what the Santos family was capable of. She took his silence as time to ask her question, out of the corner of her eye she saw he was sitting rigidly, "Would you take a hit out against me?"

"I think my feelings might actually be hurt, Bryden." He said, his playful tone and demeanor had changed, he looked actually hurt by her question.

"That's not a yes or a no."

"Of course I wouldn't." Gato said and reached over again, this time reaching out and stroking the side of her face gently, lovingly, as if they were still trapped in a world where she was trying to run away from her problems. Sometimes she wished she never would have left that hotel. "We may not have known each other long, but I like you."

"You kill for a living, you could just be saying that."

"Bryden, I don't know what world you live in that you think your murders somehow carry less weight than mine do. I've never killed agents, I've never killed any of Amir Malik's men, you're making a name for yourself worldwide, in your world and mine. I'm not sure what's going on with you but some men have codes."

"I'm covering every alley and avenue." Bryden said as she snapped the file shut and looked back over to him.

“It’s going to be ok.” Gato said and placed his hand on her shoulder.

“What makes you say that?”

“You just saw red, I know you just saw red because I read that file and I saw red.” Gato said, “I’d kill him and his kids, I’d wipe him from the face of the planet for free if I wasn’t tied up in some shit.”

“He… those kids…” Bryden said, if she was going to take down Richard Pennyson she needed to close up her own loose ends, including the people who tried to kill her, the people who put a smoking gun to her head when she was only ten years old. Why did he want her dead? Why did he let all those kids die, not just in her classroom, but on the island. Why was her father right about such an awful thing? Those kids who died or were snatched from the island during training were all ordered to die directly from Pennyson. What a sick bastard. But as her father had said, men that evil don't die so easily and she knew there had to be more than two men involved in this, she'd press her old man more about this later.

“They were your friends.”

“Yeah and he had us killed… he targeted us like we were nothing, we didn’t do anything to him. What the hell is his problem?”

“Maybe he wasn’t hugged enough as a child.”

“Well he can hug his casket.” Bryden said and reached under her seat and handed him an envelope full of cash. He had his gun drawn on her and she smirked, “Relax, it’s your money” He peered into the envelope and then shoved it in his hoodie pocket.

“We are still killers and I always have to be careful,” Gato said and put his gun down, “If you need anything else, sweet thing, just ask.”

“See you say that but I feel like there’s a catch.”

“That kid I’m raising--"

“Yeah, what about them?” Bryden asked.

“Some dangerous people want her dead, really dead, dead as in dead last year.”

“And you want them to go away, I’m guessing.”

“The ones I can’t touch myself, yes.” Gato said, “My world has rules, doesn’t fucking seem like it but there are rules and lines we can’t cross.”

“You mean there are lines you can't cross, well good thing you got me. Consider them buried in Utah.” Bryden said and slid the file under her seat and grabbed her keys and turned on the car, “If shit does go left…”

“Don’t talk like that, sweet thing. I’m just getting to know you and I like what I see.” He said.

“And I think I really need to stop fucking around with hardened criminals.”

“You gonna let Ashanti ruin the rest of us good bad guys for you?” Gato asked.

“Be that as it may, if things do go left there will be some money left for you to handle the rest.”

“By that you mean?”

“His kid, his house, the dog, I want that shit gone, I want him on his knees begging for somebody to end it.”

“Shit won’t go left, but I would like to be there to see that. My sweet thing bringing one of the world’s most powerful asshole to his knees.”

“Your sweet thing?” Bryden questioned while cocking one eyebrow.

“We work good together, you can't deny that."

“No truer words have been spoken, now get out of my car and go take care of your kid.” Bryden said and he sat there for a moment staring at her with that stupid look on his face before he leaned forward and kissed her, it was a deep kiss, it reminded her of their night in the Philippines. When his warm hands began to slip up her shirt she stopped him, there was no time for that, for now she needed to focus on finding the Good Doctor.  “Get out before you make me regret this.”

“Of course, sweet thing, I’ll see you soon.”

“You really think so?” She asked.

“You’ll need me again and you still owe me.” He said and she watched him cut across the gas station lot, yelling to some kids and they quickly scattered from his dirt bike, he peeled off disappearing into the darkness, Bryden thought about the file, about her father and about what the future held. As she turned towards the old dirt road she dialed his phone number.

"Your sources check out?" Her father asked, she could hear him walking around, something glass clinking against another surface before he settled in an old chair or a new bed.

"Yeah, they did." Bryden said.

"Why can't you just date normal young men?" Her father asked, she got the feeling he had eyes everywhere and better eyes than Pennyson. She peered out the window looking around.

"We're not dating, and where would be the fun in that?"

[blindspot-repata]

High School Blindspot

Chapter 6

Edgar walked through the police station door and saw her sitting in a chair in a corner, their eyes meeting. Her face was that of a tired, downcast girl. He wanted to run and hug her, but he didn't. The girl's grandfather was beside her and had a sad and tired countenance. Something was not right and he needed to understand. He just sat beside her.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes.”

“He did something to you? Hit you or hurt you.” Natasha just shook her head no.

Then she told him what had happened after Edgar had left her at home. Ricky waited for him to leave and called her. She refused to go, but the other boy insisted and said he would hurt Edgar and could also hurt her brothers. She had no choice. They got off the motorcycle and there was another motorcycle with two more friends from Ricky. The boys stopped their bikes at a gas station and stormed and robbed the convenience store. Natasha remained outside, not wanting to get dirty. When they left the store she asked Ricky to take her home because she was tired, but the boy started the bike and ran off. A police chase began, they were surrounded and caught by the policemen who searched them and found drugs with all the boys. Natasha came out clean and Ricky swore she had not participated in the robbery. And now she was there waiting to testify and be released.

After all the narrative the two remained silent, Edgar did not know how to react and preferred to be quiet, because he did not want to talk to her there. The truth was that he was feeling betrayed.

It must have been an hour before she testified and was released. Natasha asked her grandfather to let her go with Edgar. By the time he stopped the car at her front door, it was already dawn and she couldn't get out. She needed to talk to him, for the boy looked very upset.

“You are angry? I understand if you have ...”

“What the hell was that?” Edgar looked at her and Natasha wasn't sure where the question came from. "You danced with me, then gave me that kiss, and ... then Ricky calls you for a walk and you go?"

"That's not how it happened, Edgar, I told you. He threatened to hurt you, and my brothers.”

"Let him come, why didn't you? I would call the police for him, because I wouldn't stand still watching these things happen.”

“You need to understand me. Tonight was so perfect, and I didn't want him to hurt you… ” Tears streamed down her cheeks.

"Do you want to be a cop? You almost ruined everything, Natasha!” Edgar took a deep breath and stopped talking for a moment.

“I know. I didn't think about it, I just thought about the evil things he could do to you or my brothers. I... I'm all wrong, I'm sorry.”

“Natasha, it's your life, you know what you do. It's no use me being here telling you all this. You better get away to rest that it's already dawn and you didn't even sleep.”

Edgar watched as she walked home with her head bowed. He was more concerned than upset, but at least Ricky was arrested and would pay for his wrong actions and Natasha could get on with her life more safely.

Natasha collapsed on her bed and let the tears wet her pillow. She had ruined everything. A nice guy like Edgar deserved better, he wasn't for her, her life was a mess and he didn't deserve to be part of it. She wished she had said no to Ricky, but the fear was greater.

In the midst of these thoughts she fell asleep and had several wild dreams, now embracing Edgar, but when she was going to kiss him, it was Ricky's face she saw. She woke up in the late afternoon and was still tired and in pain all over her body. She took a shower and found her grandparents in the living room waiting for her for a chat.

Natasha's grandparents were not scolding, but advice, so talked to her for long minutes always making it clear that everything that happens to us is the result of our choices, asked her to think well about everything that was happening in life if she wanted to continue like this or wanted to make better choices.

Natasha was very grateful to have people like her grandparents in her life. They were true angels at the times when she needed them most, she was feeling very bad for making them go through it and promised herself that she would think better before making her choices.

Monday dawned rainy and Kurt settled into his usual spot and didn't see Remi in class, thought she was late due to the rain, but she didn't show up until the end of class. He decided that once he got home he would call her. Last Saturday's party was perfect and he can get to know her better, they didn't waste a minute of their time together and Kurt felt a full surrender on her part. Just when he left her at dawn, he felt a shadow of fear pass over the girl's gaze, the boy kissed her deeply and promised that he would be there if she needed anything and would not hesitate to call if he had any. problem. "It's not that simple..." Remi had said. Kurt didn't quite understand her submission to her foster mother, but she felt that she was grateful for everything Hellen had done for her and her brother.

“Remi didn't come to class, right?” Edgar asked him as soon as class was over.

“Yes. Something must have happened. I'll call her later. And you and Natasha? I saw tou and her were very close at the party, but today I didn't see her.”

“It's more complicated than it sounds.” Edgar was discouraged. “Ricky was arrested, did you know?”

“ Yeah. I've never been much to this guy's face, but I didn't want anything like that to happen.”

"I never liked him much either, but I never told Natasha. She who has to know what she wants.”

Edgar still seemed to be upset about everything that had happened, had not talked to Natasha since leaving her home the day before and also did not intend to seek her. He wanted to make room for her to decide what to do. He saw her from afar when it was time to leave, the moment their eyes met he was sure he was in love, so she left with Patty.

"Don't you want to go talk to him?" Patty asked as they got into the car.

“No, not yet. He's upset and I don't think it's right to bring him to all this happening to me.”

"Maybe you better let him decide on that."

Natasha wanted to talk to Edgar more than anything, but she didn't think he deserved to spend it with her. He was a nice guy and she was a mess. Better to give time to time.

"And you and the blond guy?" Natasha smirked at her friend referring to Roman.

“Do not know. We are so different. I don't think it would work out anyway.”

“Ah! Stop it. Just enjoy the moment.”

“ I will do this.”

Patty didn't want to fall in love, because she had a lot of plans for her future and didn't want to include any boys in it, but the truth was that Roman messed with her too much. Just took a deep breath and headed home.

Remi didn't go to class that day. It was already night and she was upset with her foster mother. She had worked all day, and for Hellen it never seemed enough. She had actually arrived very late on Saturday, but hey, she could never do what she wanted. And, Kurt was a very nice guy and she was enjoying him so much. The way he had been kind and caring to her when they were together was awesome. The sermon Hellen read to her when she arrived humiliated her, the woman said things about getting involved with a poor guy who couldn't afford to give her a decent future. That stupid thought would never do Remi's style. The older woman was determined what to do with their future, and Remi didn't like their conversation the day before. The phone was ringing nonstop, but Hellen didn't answer and didn't let either of them answer.

Remi locked herself in her room and did something she'd done before, jumped out the window. The night was cold and dark, but nothing scared Remi. She had already faced worse situations for worse reasons. By the time she was done walking down the side of the house toward the street, in her mind only the route that would follow to Kurt's house. She needed to find him again.

She left her house behind aware of how much it would cost her in the near future. Hellen wouldn't make her daring adventure cheap. But that didn't matter to her now.

She was grateful to her mother for getting them out of that damn orphanage. More than that, she loved Hellen despite her austerity demanding loyalty rather than other forms of feelings. However, even though she and Roman could never be normal people after all they had lived, there was something inside her that refused to accept it. Remi had never before admitted it, but she still dreamed of being happy, and Kurt rekindled it within her with a strength she had never experienced before.

Kurt was in his room when he heard a knock on his window. What was the scare when it opened and saw Remi. He helped her up and warmed her with his blanket because the girl was cold.

“I missed you.” Remi said feeling warm.

“You didn't go to class. I missed you, too.”

“I had some problems.”

He would not ask for details, because he knew it was the foster mother. He pulled her to him and she indulged in the passionate kiss he gave her.

Both wished they were closer and did not know how much they would resist. Between kisses and caresses Kurt asked if she was sure what she was doing.

"I've done it before if that's what you want to know." Remi had a very intense relationship with Oscar, but in the end he did not reveal what she expected and she turned away from him.

“All well. No problem. Better that way.” The boy smiled and kissed her fervently.

Between touches and kisses the two surrendered to the love and desire that plagued them.

[existentialstatesofmind]

Jealousy is an ugly thing

Clare: reached up to touch her cross necklace. "God doesn't give us more than we can handle." She muttered more to herself than to Dakota. Whatever happened, she could get through it. Clare smiled at Dakota feeling better after he comforted her. "I am? Thank you. It's very sweet of you to offer." She was surprised he'd offered her an escape if she needed one. "Usually I just drown my parents' fighting out with music. I have noise cancelling headphones so I'm able to fall asleep at night. But sometimes I really don't want to be there." Clare had other friends she could stay with and she did when it got to be too much but she wouldn't go over to anyone's house enough for their parents to ask what was going on. She listened to Dakota update Monica on his sibilings. Clare had to laugh when he said how his brothers corrected Emi about who was Thing One and Thing Two. "They sound like the Weasley twins from the Harry Potter books. Dom and Ash aren't twins though, right? Do any of your brothers go to Degrassi? Or are some of them younger or older?" She knew a couple of them went to different schools but Clare didn't think she'd ever be able to keep straight which brother was which, Dakota had so many. "It's good there's no language barrier. There aren't a lot of families who speak two languages at home so you're lucky Emi's did. Aww how cute! Itadakimasu." Clare repeated the word quietly to herself so she'd remember it. "Very cool, are those the shoes that Japanese people wear with kimonos?" Clare pictured Dakota trying to walk around in block like shoes that were probably higher and harder to walk in than heels. She laughed. "The festival sounds fun though and at least you found some shoes you like. I don't really know anything about Japanese culture, just what little I've seen on T.V, so this is all fascinating to me." Clare admitted. "They have a wide variety of food then. I've had Chinese takeout but I don't know how similiar the two are besides the noodles and soy sauce. Everything sounds delicious. I probably couldn't live without bacon though. Do they have pizza in Japan?" She asked, wondering what else Emi had never tried that seemed commonplace to her. "Okay I won't." Clare chuckled. "I was only kidding." She reassured Dakota. "I've never seen anyone do that in real life before that's all. Oh, yeah it's great you found a creative outlet. My mom signed me up for a lot of lessons but never martial arts or anything. The only athletic activities I enjoy are badminton and swimming." She nodded. Graduation was years away. Hopefully Emi's mom would be back by then but there was no way for Dakota to know. "There's plenty of time to decide. I only know I want to go to college. Maybe for writing." Clare frowned. "She'll probably check in eventually. If nothing else, on Emi's birthday or at Christmas. Yeah if she was younger and couldn't tell you what she needed, you'd be in way over your head." The bell rang and Clare slowly stood up and gathered her stuff. "I'll see you and Emi fifth period." She told Dakota. "Well if I don't, I'll know you had to take her home but I'm sure she will be fine." Clare smiled at him reassuringly.

Kota: looked at Clare when she muttered something, but couldn't quite make out what she was muttering. "You don't really have to be there. I mean we have a guestroom if you want to stay in there." he offered and laughed a bit when Clare mentioned his Dom and Ash being like the Weasleys from Harry Potter. "Yea, they're identical just like me and Dallas. That's how there are six of us. Two sets of twins. The only ones that weren't twins are my older sister and my brother Bren. Bren is 13, and Ash and Dom are 14." he said honestly. "Dallas and I were the first surprise twins since my mom thought we were all going to be girls since my aunt has all boys and since her first pregnancy she has Raquel we were all expected to be girls so we all have the names she picked out for us aside from Dom and Bren. Luckily we were given gender neutral names." he laughed a bit. "I'm the only one that goes to Degrassi. Dallas goes to a boarding school for now. We're betting that he wants out next year, Ash and Bren go to a middle school together while Dom chose to go off to a different one. Dom and Ash aren't allowed to go to the same school, nor are Dallas and I. During elementary school we all had to go to the same one. Dallas and I often got mistaken for the other and it was the same with Ash and Dom. Dallas and I were forced to go to separate high schools though. I get better grades than Dallas without studying because I like to read the books and work ahead and we were often in separate classes, when he had a science test and was afraid he'd fail it we'd go to the bathroom and change clothes in the middle of class. I'd take his science test while he'd go to art for me since we had two electives. We didn't get caught until eighth grade. Mom came to drop something off for Dallas and in turn I had to go to the office. It almost went off smoothly had it been for Dallas' girlfriend. She was the only one who could tell the difference between us which was why he agreed to date her. They're still dating." he explained. "Our mom still gets us confused if we dress the same." he chuckled a bit. "I am lucky that Emi was taught both languages." he agreed and chuckled a bit as he nodded. "Yes, they're the shoes." he confirmed and thought for a moment. "Yes there's pizza in Japan, but to Emi it's a delicacy. Pizza there costs a little over one thousand yen, 10.50 for a medium pizza and at least 21.00 for a large pizza. Her dad got paid 888 yen per hour he worked and after taxes were taken out that pay period most of the money he got went to bills, gas, food, and new clothes so there wasn't much left over for them to save for things like pizza that they really didn't need so it was put into savings. That savings helped with their apartment here." he explained. "I like swimming, but I've never really played badminton." he smiled at her and shrugged when she mentioned Emi's mom. "Who knows. I mean she left, had a kid, came back, and abandoned said kid so no one really knows what's going on in her mind." he said honestly. "I still have yet to decide, but we still have a year left." he sighed and thought for a moment. "That would be exactly one year from now. Emi's mom left her on her birthday. Her exact words were she was going to get her a birthday cake and some balloons, Emi didn't see her since. I'm going to make her a birthday cake if she's here that way she won't have to worry about me leaving and never coming back." he said honestly. When the bell rang, he put his books away, put his book bag on his shoulder and smiled at Clare. "Yea, see you at fifth." he smirked and picked up Emi keeping her wrapped up in the blankets.