#ask-dimitri-lousteau

[umbra-borealis]

Dimitri Lousteau is the most 'human' villain in Sly Cooper

Hello and welcome to my TEDtalk, I've been meaning to type out my yapping for a long time but always talked myself out of it because I mean, this is coming from a guy with Dimitri for a pfp and I figured people would just take it as a guy on tumblr simping for a weird lizard but no. The reasons I care for Dimitri the way I do goes pretty deep and I could sit here and talk about it point by point but to save us both some time (and because I am DEAD tired) I made a graph!

I used Luciano, my little sona, to personify myself in this.

I focused mainly on formative things and similarities in personality without inserting headcanons, even if based on traits or even symptoms I recognize. Most of these are rather straight forward but some run a little deeper. The funny pattern here (maybe aside from the drug thing lol) is that there's a high likelihood that you reading this right now can at least relate to just one or two things on those list and while you could argue that you could do the same with other characters, I picked these traits because in my opinion they ride that thin line between just relatable enough to apply to a lot of people, but not too superficial to be on the same an interest or hobby. Anyone can get upset when angry, it's HOW you express that anger that says something about you as a person for instance.

I also want to quickly mention that yes, a LOT of characters in Sly Cooper are very human, but I said 'villain' for a reason. After all I don't think your average college kid can relate to Contessa, Rajan or Panda King because mass brainwashing, destroying villages and being a literal drug lord are bordering on supervillain and that's not what Dimitri is. A supervillain can be relatable to a degree as well, but it makes sense that the Panda King had to have a whole Moment TM (several really) to come to terms with the kind of person he allowed himself to become. When we see Dimitri in Sly 3, he seems to have already done this perhaps because his sins aren't nearly as great. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

I'll insert a read-more here but I'd like to ask you to keep reading anyway if you can because my biggest pet peeve is that Dimitri is seen as a dumb, sleazy (and old??? which is dumb and I got math to back up that he's not in fact in his 40s during Sly 2 lmao) lizard who's only good as a level 1 boss for beginners to learn the game and all he's remembered for, though fair, is his manner of speech and not what he's REALLY saying. None of you ever picked up on what he was throwing down so I'm going to spell it out for you.

(PS I have ADHD and it's 3 AM so go easy on me this is coming from the HEART baby)

To make it easier on myself and you, I'm going to start sectioning the word soup in my head into four categories based on Dimitri's enterprises and roles and just kinda... waffle on about my thoughts regarding them. I'll start superficial and work my way down to the Deep Shit. Feel free to skip around to whatever interests you since I include some lore too, though changes are you're already aware of said lore.

Lets start with:

Dimiti, the club manager.

Nightclubs, and the people that run them tend to have a bit of a sleazy stereotype attached to them, which I suppose is fair. Though a large chunk is attributed to movies and other media, there were in fact some really large and important movements surrounding nightlife and club culture. Just look up the Club Kids if you want to go down a rabbit hole, in short they were a fairly large group of partiers from the 90s who contributed a LOT to fashion and art movements as well as being generally very fluid when it came to gender. Unfortunately that too would eventually be plagued by drugs and members getting addicted to drugs. Again, I digress.

Dimitri is seen partying in the intro of his chapter in Sly 2,

which is a nice touch because not only is it in-character, it's something that would actually happen. Owners of a popular joints would be popular or just enigmatic figures that would regularly get subjected to patrons schmoozing up to them. Some weren't a fan but there were many that soaked up the attention, bought rounds on the house when business was good, maybe get a little TOO cocky with confidence. It's a bit too simple to look at Dimitri in relation to all this info and say 'no doi he was in it for the money it checks out.' because if you spend enough time in his club or just, in the safe house after placing the bug there's signs of more going on.

We KNOW Dimitri is a criminal and he did his whole art forgery business on the side, or maybe it's the other way round? Either way he seemed fairly confident in his skills with this. His biggest risk being that time he tried to marry someone over a STATUE. (Really dude?) So then why was he so damn paranoid? While you could argue that he was sippin' his own supply I don't think that's what it was. He was so paranoid he played his music super loud in almost all areas of the club JUST to keep his security detail awake through-out night and day, whenever his club wasn't open to the public. To compensate he would promise them they could all 'retire early'. with that fake confidence chuckle that masks a sense of 'haha please don't abandon me'

So, ever heard of Imposter Syndrome? Because his behavior as a club owner SCREAMS it. He wasn't JUST cocky and sleazy, he was simply fitting in with the culture of the time because *everyone* was overly confident, over confidence was something to be admired, something to look at and go 'yeah that guy has it figured out' while in reality most struggled with something, anything. So what is Imposter Syndrome? To keep it short and blunt, the overwhelming feeling that you're not worthy of your accomplishments. We know that Dimitri is a 'failed' artist who turned to forging art to make money, it could just be a sense of guilt telling him something he's not ready to hear so he starts overcompensating and this insecurity bleeds into Sly 3 after Sly puts him in his place. His success with this insanely toxic coping mechanism lands him a new enterprise.

Dimitri, the Spice distributor.

Rather than going chronological, I'm going through the 'layers' that is this lizard. So if his career as a club owner is the tip of the ice berg with some neat little facts and info about the stereotype he conveys, this subject is a tier deeper. Dimitri the Spice distributor is Dimitri the next level criminal, or so he thinks. When you think about it, it's pretty strange that they gave Dimitri some Clockwerk parts at all. He was never mentioned by the other Klaww Gang members and thus seemingly not missed either when he was the first to get busted. In fact, nobody was upset that their DISTRIBTOR was arrested, putting a hold on their primary income... or so we thought until the Contessa was revealed to have a rather large and lucrative side hussle Dimitri probably could never compete with. Dimitri was expendable, sure he had a role and he played it well but he was also a loss they could cope with without much harm done to their wallets or their pride.

I think about it often, Dimitri in his jail cell, maybe hearing from another criminal or even his lawyer after the whole Clock-La thing about the full scope of the plan. He might've gotten a reduced sentence for ratting the other members out because if you think back to his legendary conversation with Sly he really doesn't seem to know what he's talking about. ("What is it with clocks bro!?") All of Dimitri's other crimes aside, he was young and naive, Sly 3 reveals he came from some form of poverty as well so it makes sense that he'd chase easy money. That's all it was though, he wanted the money and the fame, he didn't want to brainwash an entire city, he didn't know about the giant robot owl. He's once again left feeling like a failure, this time one that was easy to fool and all the confidence he had as a criminal would've seeped out of him, starting this weird cycle of him trying something only to be caught breaking the law and ending up where he began.

Like I said all of this would bleed into Sly 3 and it's pretty damn neat that for how little lines he had and how little he was on screen, they managed to convey this well in my opinion. By the time we reach Sly 3, most of us don't remember him as a Spice distribtor at all. Which leads me to...

Dimitri the Artist.

Being an artist is a pretty broad term and while we know Dimitri as a painter, I think he applies his artist mindset in way, way more. He's genuinely creative an smart, he thinks out of the box to protect his secrets and to cover his tracks. His identity as an artist is also his most vulnerable and 'real' self. Folks will say art is about self expression and usually mean conveying complex topics with pretty pictures or thought provoking stories, however it can be apparent in smaller ways too and the most obvious thing for Dimitri is his business in forging art. Think about it this way:

Picture you don't speak a LICK of english, you're from a lower in-come family or even straight up poverty but you grew up on tall tales of your grandpa being a total badass who lived freely and seizes every opportunity he could to make money... or take it rather but you get the idea. Your grandpa used his talents as a diver and deep down, you know what your talent is. It's art. So you somehow manage to move across the world to Paris, go to an art school work your ass off to develop your own style, your own identity and when it came to making a name for yourself you were rejected super hard. You're now probably in debt, in a foreign country and all you're known for is being the art community's clown.

One thing that gets overlooked is that Dimitri's paintings aren't actually that bad.

He very clearly knows the basics quite well, he's using color theory to shade and add depth but as he goes from student to independant artist, he breaks away from the basics and develops a style. His color use becomes brighter, he adds little stars just because why not? He likes em! This style is PERFECT for the nightlife club scene he ends up in down the line of course, but in the world of pretentious parisian artist hipsters? Absolutely not. So while he's just being himself, he's shown that that isn't allowed, that wont get him success. It reminds me of artists who say shit like 'I'll just learn to draw furry porn I guess!' thinking it's a guaranteed money printer (heh) and whether they enjoy making that kind of content is irrelevant, which leads to burn out or in case they DO find success, imposter syndrome. The dread that you do not deserve this recognition because it's not something you're actually that passionate about, not something you want to be known for. Say what you will about Dimitri but he never compromised. And while the cutscene shows shoddy painted depictions of classical paintings, I think this was more to illustrate him forging paintings to a younger audience than imply he was a bad painter as just before those crappy version, we see what's probably the REAL version he would've painted and sold.

This is conjecture on my part but I have to believe it because well, art forgery is HARD. You'd have to actually be a freaking genius to do it and sell it for so high, you can just afford what is basically a freaking opera house in PARIS and turn it into a nightclub. Also did I mention Dimitri just, HAS a ~mansion~ in Monaco? Because he does.

I've also always liked that scene for the expression on his face. It's smug, it's so full of petty, passve aggressive anger, a stubborness to admit defeat and instead to just 'prove a point' even if that point is lost to the means being SUPER illegal. That being sad, I don't think any of us feel bad over this man stealing a couple thousand from billionaire pockets. Billionaires that probably have their own little illicit ways to get that cash. Funny... It seems Sly isn't the only one who steals from other criminals.

And you might've stuck around this long and gone 'Umbra, get to the fucking POINT already." to which I have good news.

Dimitri, the Marine Iguana.

My favorite part, feel free to skip ahead to this headline if you want.

So who is this guy anyway? Well, from Sly 3 we see that he has a mother, a sister and his grandparents and that's about it as far as we can tell.

Just look at that smile! He looks like your average, awkward teenager. No struggling on the streets from what we can tell, no bullying by bigger kids, no weird sociopathic tendencies, no childhood trauma or grudges. The events that changed him seem to all have happened after he left for Paris. Sure it aint much to go off of but even if his life was hard, it seemed he was close with his grandfather and got to know him for a decent couple of years. Marine Iguanas are, like the name implies, an aquatic species of reptile. They're well adapted to land but due to low food availability in-land, they migrated to the beaches and started living off of sea algae, learning how to dive in the process. Even in Sly 2 the devs included plenty of references to Dimitri's affinity for water. The windows in the dancefloor area of his club are partially submerged, there are two massive aquariums in his office, he lives on a boat (or hides there anyway) and has several water features but inside and outside his club.

When you take a step back and look at all that, Dimitri is... just a guy who left his home country, his family, to follow a dream only to have that dream shatter and he's left to pick up the pieces all alone, making poor choices in the process. Choices based on anger and a broken heart. And the truth of the matter is that ALL of this, could happen to anyone. Granted in varying different ways as not everyone's life is the same and not everyone will make the same choices but I think many of us had a dream career as a kid only to become a jaded adult who thinks it's unrealistic or only does that thing as a hobby, I think there's many of us that remember the moment our hearts were broken and we realized the cold, unforgiving nature of real, adult life.

We see the effect of ALL of this come to a head in Sly 3, when at first he's not sure if he should still be mad at Sly for putting him in jail while he's currently the only guy he knows that COULD break him back out of jail as well. He still overcompensates, he's still overly confident and he put himself in that cell but still, he honors his word and helps Sly and Bentley find their friend. Then in Holland we see him behind a bar, seemingly as if he's actually got a job as a bartender there. Heck, he DOES have a job! He's the announcer! He may not super like it but he's being humbled by it all the same and when Sly comes for help a second time, the bravado is gone for a moment. He expresses genuine fear, not necessarily for his own safety but for losing a job, for *failing*. Of course the right answer in this scenario is to hype up his confidence again. And because Sly has proven himself to be trustworthy in the past he figures he can trust him with a favor of personal, sentimental value. If anyone would understand how it feels to have your family name dishonored and an heirloom stolen, it's Sly and Dimitri knows that damn well.

I think this is about as real as Dimitri can get, aside from the whole scuba gear thing. I know the gang is disguised but I don't think Dimitri is at all. I think that's just... what he likes to wear, further making me think he's just a regular guy with so much heart ache he lashe out in some pretty vile ways. Tortured artists are known to do some crazy shit after all. And while he continues to be his funny eccentric self we know him to be, he starts to have his first real moments of genuine care and loyalty while a part of the Cooper Gang. He tells Bentley he 'has his own flavor' which is his way of telling him that he's unique an valid the way he is. He dives after Sly's cane in VERY dangerous waters, risking injury or even his life, no questions asked. He sends Bentley postcards and letters to let his friend know he's safe and doing well. But perhaps something that hits me harder than any of that, is how angry and shocked Dimitri looks upon Sly's 'retirement announcement'.

Here he was thinking he made a friend out of Sly, and just like that he was gone. It makes me wonder if he held onto that grudge or not but a part of me likes to imagine that he didn't. I think his time with that gang made him realize that although he might not understand and he might be upset, it's not all about him. If anything he silently continued the rivalry by seeing how many girls he could cram into one post card with him to one up Sly's act of running off with a girl himself or perhaps he took it as a sign to make a career switch as well. Either way, Dimitri ended up changing for the better, he became himself in the end. A sweet, goofball iguana who loves the ocean and loves to paint. Making money became a nice bonus rather than his main focus.

Coming from a similar, rough background, having gone to therapy and trying to find my place in the world, this gives me hope. Hope that if I look hard enough, I can find my niche too and that being myself is the best I can be. If you read all this, thank you. I fgured it was best to just get it ALL out at once. I hope it was a fun read or made you look at Dimitri a little differently.

[fictionkinfessions]

Sometimes the best thing a fellow can do is play a DND character based off of source-you . I get to say the words GREASY SWEET without anybody batting an eye, ya dig ? Nobody is going to ask any questions because it is just a "character choice . " I am a SUPER SPY .

That being said, now I must come up with a name for myself that is not my name . Hmmm . A dilemma.

- Dimitri Lousteau , sly cooper - fictive ; #nw💫

x

[jonnowrites]

Sylvia Cooper - Chapter 3: Winding Down

Set years after the events of Honour Among Thieves, the next generation of the Cooper Gang works to uncover a worldwide conspiracy... and make some cash along the way.

The van pulled into the garage beneath a seemingly abandoned house on the west side of Paris. The headlights turned off just as a police cruiser drove past, causing Sylvia’s heart to skip a beat. The shutter closed over the entrance, hiding the gang away from prying eyes.

“I’d say that was a job well done, ladies,” she said as she got out. “Got a bit hairy at the end, but hey ho.”

“That was far too close, as usual,” Lily sighed as she exited the back. “I’m going upstairs to de-stress.”

“You do that,” said Sylvia. “Brooke and I’ll give the van a once-over.”

She started walking around the vehicle, looking at it closely. It was a sizeable van painted a dark mahogany, with the gang’s bronze winking raccoon symbol emblazoned on both sides. Blue hotrod flames burned from the engine grill along the bottom of each side of the body. Uncle Murray insisted on them, having said they’d make the van too hot to catch. He hadn’t been wrong so far.

She hopped onto the roof and checked the spoiler before adjusting the foglights at the front. She saw Brooke was leaning into the engine compartment. 

“How’re we looking?” she asked.

“A few dents,” Brooke answered, shutting the hood. “No real damage. Can buff it out easy.”

“Lovely,” said the raccoon before she hopped onto the floor. “I’ll go see how Lily’s doing.”

With that, she left the garage and walked upstairs to the hideout proper. It was an old, dimly lit place with the fleur-de-lis wallpaper peeling off the walls and the furniture being old and worn. The place seemed to be muggy no matter how much dusting went on. She was quite sure her bed was older than she was. Across the couch was a wall-mounted TV, which was easily one of the newest things this old place had seen in a long time. By the far wall was a large computer setup with multiple monitors, which Lily was sitting and typing away at. Uncle Bentley had gone to the trouble of giving the gang a state-of-the-art system, and Lily figured the least she could do was put it to good use. On an empty space on the floor was a large gym mat covered in weights and dumbbells, with a punching bag hanging from the ceiling. Uncle Murray had given Brooke his old workout gear, and she was certainly keeping herself busy with them. The many patches on the bag were proof of that.

If the rooftops were Sylvia’s home, the safehouse was her home away from home. After all, her dad’s gang used this very place in their hay day.

“How’s the hacking going?” she asked, lowering her hood.

“Whoever de Griffe’s contacts are, they’re smart,” said Lily, not taking her eyes off the monitors. “These names and accounts are all varied, but the amounts of cash being sent out and time gaps between them are all consistent.”

“Can you get anything from that?”

“Not on its own, but there’s bound to be a slip-up in here somewhere. All I need to find is one little crack.”

“Right, well, good luck with your crack.”

Lily glowered, imagining the grin on her friend’s face. “Not funny.”

Sylvia snickered and flopped onto the couch, sending a small cloud of dust into the air which prompted her to prop open the window behind it. Through it, she could see a large building with a pretty gaudy peacock façade dominating the front. Her dad told her it was once a nightclub that belonged to Dimitri Lousteau, a literal lounge lizard and a friend of the family. Back then, he was an art forger who used the nightclub as a front for his money counterfeiting operation, and Sylvia’s parents indirectly worked together to have him arrested and the nightclub shut down. A year or so after, Dimitri not only made up with her dad, but even joined his gang as their frogman for the Cooper Vault Job. After her dad retired, Dimitri took to treasure hunting in undersea wrecks for a living, and even used his funds to have his old nightclub converted into a superstore for his Greasy Sweet clothing line. By the sheer foot traffic Sylvia saw in and out of the place during the day, it seemed Dimitri knew a bit more about fashion than her dad might think.

She nestled down across the couch and fished her smartphone from her pouch. She had her mask’s Binocucom for communication and taking photos, but she needed something she could check social media and play games on during long stakeouts. She started by doing the former, and she smirked when she saw the local news was already abuzz about the police chase through town.

“Looks like we’re making headlines again,” she said as Brooke clumped up from the garage.

“Van’s ready to go,” the polar bear said curtly.

“Nice one, big girl,” said the raccoon. She scrolled through her social media timeline, until a post made her eyes bug out.

Looks like the #CooperGang robbed a bank. They sure know how to make a statement 🤔

Beneath the text was a photo of the front of Chat D’or Bank , with the neon sign having been changed to the gang’s winking raccoon face.

“Oh, no way!” she laughed, hopping back up and showing Brooke her phone. “Look at that!”

Brooke peered over, and the smallest smirk crossed her face. “Cool.”

The raccoon rushed over to Lily and pushed her phone into her face. “Was that you?!”

Lily peered over and grinned. “Thought it would send de Griffe a little message. Give him an idea of who he tried messing with.”

Sylvia’s tail wiggled giddily. “Oh, I can’t wait for him to see this!”

“You’ll have to, at least until I can find something in these bank statements,” said the rabbit. “This might take me a while.”

“Sounds like you need some brain food,” said Sylvia. “How’s pizza sound?”

Lily raised her eyebrow. “Pizza is brain food?”

“Helps you think, doesn’t it? Besides, I think we should celebrate a job well done.”

“I want tuna on mine,” said Brooke as she flopped down on the couch.

Lily rolled her eyes. “I’ll have a three cheese then. I put a back door into one of de Griffe’s bank accounts, so it’ll be his treat.”

“Alright!” Sylvia cheered. “Pizza party!”

---

A few hours passed, and the gang was digging into some well-earned pizza with the TV on. A late night news block was reporting on the bank heist, to Sylvia’s delight.

“While the Cooper Gang is an elusive, decades-old criminal group despite garishly advertising their presence,” the reporter said, “many experts have pointed out that their most high profile targets have been public figures revealed to have connections to, or have even been the cause of local criminal activity. Time will tell how this will affect the bank’s owner, entrepreneur and socialite Julien de Griffe, and his rumoured interest in the world of politics.”

“I forgot about that,” said Lily, one of her ears perked up as she kept her eyes on her monitors. “Apparently he wants to become Prime Minister.”

“The leader of a country having a shady background?” Sylvia gasped, sarcasm dripping from her mouth along with melted cheese. “Heaven forbid!”

“A crime lord becoming Prime Minister of France will mean trouble for all of us,” said Brooke.

“Well, once his dirty laundry gets out, we won’t have to worry about that.”

“We have to make sure it is dirty laundry first,” Lily pointed out. “The connections to the black market will be easy for him to cover.”

Sylvia peered over at the rabbit. “Any chance for an update, by the way?”

Lily flexed her fingers and rolled her wrists. “I’ve been at this for hours, and still nothing. Whoever’s masking de Griffe’s tracks, they’re good .”

“They’ve got nothing on you, Lil,” the raccoon assured her. “You’ll find something.”

Sylvia certainly hoped it would lead to a huge conspiracy for her to unravel. Then she’d feel like she’ll be worthy.

---

Julien de Griffe stared at the photo of his bank on his phone screen, and the winking raccoon face dominating the front. It was mocking him, and using his place of public business to do it. It took all his willpower to avoid crushing the phone in his grip.

He sat back in the leather seat and lifted a wine bottle from the ice bucket to pour a glass. His private jet was racing through the sky back to Paris, and he was bracing himself for the headache that was the paparazzi.

But first, he had a call to make.

He tapped on his phone to initiate a group call, and had it broadcast to the jet’s sound system. The room was completely soundproofed, so he had no need to worry about spies in the cockpit.

“Associates,” he began, “no doubt you have seen the news.”

“I know I did,” one voice said. “The Cooper Gang’s onto you, boss.”

“The symbol isn’t just a taunt,” said another voice, “it’s a warning . They’re making their move.”

“Yes, and sooner than I expected,” said de Griffe. “They will start targeting all of you to weaken me.”

“Relax, boss,” the first voice said. “They might’ve got our transaction details, but it’ll take them years to figure out my hidden encryptions. They’re not gonna touch us.”

“Still, we oughta be prepared,” a third voice advised. “If them Coopers’re as wily as they say, they’ll find their way to us before we know it.”

“My thoughts exactly,” agreed a fourth voice. “I will reinforce my defences. I suggest you all do the same.”

“I suggest you all take this quite seriously,” said de Griffe, his upper lip curling. “Remember, once my goal has been realised, I will have the power to fulfil my agreements to you all. But if I go down, I can just as easily take all of you with me.”

“No need for the threats, boss,” the first voice said. “You know we got your back.”

“Just reminding you of where you all stand,” said de Griffe before taking a sip of wine. “I will be back in Paris momentarily, and I will have a lot of cleaning up to do. I suggest the four of you make this as easy on us all as possible.”

“Gotcha, boss.”

“Worry not, Mr. de Griffe.”

“Ten-four.”

“Affirmative.”

The call ended, and de Griffe took another, larger swig from his glass.

Your parents could not stop me, Cooper, and I will make sure you are just as successful.

[fictive-confessions]

you appear to be low on asks , mez amis , but do not worry because i an here to FIX THAT !! because i have little better to do . consider this a formal note to the klaww gang : I HATE YOU ALL !!! you were all ASSHOLES !! i formally RESIGN and say VERY MANY SWEARS AT YOU !! IN MANY LANGUAGES !! may you all STUB YOUR TOES !!

p s dear Contessa what is wrong with your hands . Why do you have lobster claws . You are the worst !!!

- dimitri lousteau, sly cooper fictive of the #nw💫

.

[yoshifawful64]

🔥 for Sly Cooper villains/side characters?

People who complain about the 100% completion reward in Sly 3 just being Dimitri’s music video are objectively wrong.

[slightly-gay-pogohammer]

sometimes i look back at my teenage self self shipping with dimitri lousteau and neo cortex and i ask myself why some other times i just go yknow what??? youre right im gonna kiss the lizard and the furry mad doctor

[ask-penelope]

PSST Penelope! i hear Bentley might propose! what do you think of this? Also, Is he Greasy Sweet in bed?

IT’S NOT FUNNY!!!!

Anyways, “Anon”. I have NO idea where you heard such a thing. It’s not nice to spread such rumors, people’s feelings are at stake here!As for your second question… I will just pretend I didn’t hear that. It’s not anyone’s business. And he’s darn well better than you’ll ever be at least!- - -((Mun loves to draw Penny with her hair loose! Also: Any ask blog of Dimitri, feel free to step in!))