#ask adib

[adibkhorram]

Dear Mr Khorram,

I recently read one of your books, Darius the Great Is Not Okay, and I’m so glad that I did. I had heard talk of the book floating around and I never knew why, but now that I’ve read it, I’m incredibly grateful that I did. Reading about Darius’ experience with his culture, his family, and his depression hit me right in the heart, as I have gone through very similar things. Seeing someone else go through things that I’ve gone through makes me feel so much less alone, and even if it’s still hard, I know that it’s a feeling that I can share with others.

Originally, I read this book as a way to look into another perspective, a type of ‘window,’ but the more I read, the more I saw myself in Darius. I understand how he feels when his father seems disappointed in him all the time for things he can’t control, because I’ve been through that too. My parents don’t always understand that sometimes the best I can do is just getting up and staying awake. Being excluded from the group, dealing with bullies that target you for things you don’t have control over, and struggling to understand what you’re supposed to do when you’re around others isn’t too far from home. It made me sad to realize that Darius and myself had gone through very similar situations.

More than that, I saw myself in Darius’ experience trying to connect with his culture. My family comes from many different places, and I’ve never been as connected as I’d like to be. I didn’t even know about part of my heritage until I was older, since my parents never talked about it. The lack of knowledge made me feel like I couldn’t really claim the culture as my own. Darius’ hesitancy to engage in things and his uncertainty about how to talk with other people in Iran, felt like someone had taken my anxieties right out of my brain and put them onto a page, just with a different background. It makes sense that plenty of people feel that way, especially when you’re the child of an immigrant, but it still was very special to see that struggle represented.

The thing that was maybe most impactful to me was Darius’ connection with his grandfather. I lost my grandfather around a year ago, and since he lived in Germany, I didn’t get to see him as much as I would have liked. I also had to leave knowing that I wouldn’t get to visit my grandfather again, and I’ll admit that I cried a bit reading that part of the book. Losing someone is always hard, but knowing that you won’t be able to go visit them again hurts. Losing someone hurts even more when it feels like you haven’t had enough time with them. The way that you talked about Darius’ feelings hit me right in the gut, and I still haven’t fully gotten over it.

Darius’ story was a reflection of mine in so many ways, and I’m forever grateful that I took the chance and read your book. It was a book that I will probably think about for some time to come. Darius’ struggles with his mental health, with connecting to his culture, and with knowing that he won’t get to see his grandfather again all painted a very realistic portrait of teenage life, and I’m glad that I read the book. Congratulations on your newest book! I hope to hear back from you. It would be awesome to get a ‘letter’ back from an author I admire, and my teacher promised me extra credit points if I got a response back, although I was not expecting this to be done through a tumblr ask.

Sincerely,

Tobie

Hi Tobie,

Thank you so much for your lovely message. I'm so honored you saw yourself in Darius's story, and I hope it was a balm to you through your own rough times. I wrote it for folks who feel like you do—and like I do too, tbh.

I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather passing away. Mine are both long gone, but I think of them often, especially my Iranian one, who went through so much in his life but, in his later years, was more content than maybe any person I've ever known. He would sit on the porch of my aunt's house (where he lived), looking at the garden and the sunlight, and say "Khaylee khoob" (very good) to himself.

I hope you're taking care of yourself as best you can. And I hope, like Darius, you find the people that love you for who you are.

Yours,

Adib

[lgbtqreads]

m/m or queer male (and maybe even non-fiction ones, although I am mostly looking for fiction) books with more realistic sex/sexuality portrayals or depicting a more complicated relationship with sexuality than ‘I discovered that I am gay and I automatically like every sexual act with a romantic partner I have’.

And I don’t mean just “I am insecure about my body and learn to overcome that” complex relationship with sexuality but niche and smaller/more specific things talked about less, for example:

main character finding that they are borderline uncomfortable with being an active side in any type of sexual act and scared of being selfish

disliking doing something or not fitting sexually with their partner

not being attracted to people in a consistent manner

being nonverbal during sex

not being able to get off with another person

being on ace spectrum and not attracted to people but still wanting to have sex

not trusting people that you’re attracted to enough to have sex with them

having kinks considered weird but not being comfortable to go to kink clubs

Et cetera

Sorry if it’s a bit weird of an ask, but it’s really really hard to search for books about realistic sexuality where not everything is perfect without just getting sex ed or non-realistic erotica (not that there is something wrong with that, just not what I’m looking for atm) results

Not weird of an ask at all! Definitely grab I’ll Have What He’s Having by Adib Khorram, which fits for a couple of reasons. (Fun immature fact: I read it while on a bday weekend getaway with a bunch of friends, and one of said friends thought it was hilarious to ask me if anyone ever farts in Romance novels. It was a delight to come to him the next morning and say, YES, ACTUALLY - IN THE ONE I AM READING RIGHT NOW.) 

Some m/m with men on the ace spectrum - The Charm Offensive by Alison Cochrun, How to Be a Normal Person and How to Be a Movie Star by TJ Klune, Never Been Kissed by Timothy Janovsky, and Easy Does It by KM Neuhold.

I’ll edit as I think of more books that fit, but these are a good place to start!

[banorawhite]

Right back at you lol—top 6 fav books?

NOOOOOO DON'T ASK THE LIBRARIAN THISSSSS *stares blankly at my shelves* i love you all......

ok to answer this, i've had to narrow down my options to only young adult fiction. if i included all the middle grade, adult, graphic novels, comics, manga and poetry i have read, i would truly not know how to start (and this still felt impossible)

with that let's begin!

six of crows duology by leigh bardugo - this will always be my #1. my ultimate comfort read. these fantastic characters pulled me rough a really rough time in my life, where constantly reread these books to keep me grounded. inej ghafa the character you are. i love my crime found family

the other side of perfect by mariko turk - this book fully revitalised a love of reading for me after uni. i sat down one day and basically finished it in one sitting, just could not put it down

legendborn series by tracey deonn - worldbuilding! character development! the magic!!! all TOP NOTCH. so incredibly excited for book three, i might have to reread the first two to prepare

the lesbiana's guide to catholic school + the luis ortega surival club by sonora reyes - holyyyy shit. um basically after tlgtcs, which became my favourite read that year, i decided i would read whatever sonora reyes ever wrote. both books are FANTASTIC, cannot recommend them enough.

the gilded wolves trilogy by roshani chokshi - divine. i love fantasy heist novels and these were phenomenal. the ending absolutely got to me

cannot separate last night at the telegraph club by malinda lo or i feed her to the beast (and the beast is me) by jamison shea. both books changed me and made me stare into the distance when i finished.

some honorable mentions because i love so many books (beneath the cut this gets long)

A Clash of Steel by C.B. Lee

Cemetery Boys and The Sunbearer Trials by Aiden Thomas

Confessions of an Alleged Good Girl by Joya Goffney

Darius the Great is Not Okay by Adib Khorram

Euphoria Kids by Alison Evans

Girl, Serpent, Thorn by Melissa Bashardoust

Gwen and Art are Not in Love by Lex Croucher

Off the Record by Camryn Garrett

I'll Be the One by Lyla Lee

Juliet Takes a Breath by Gabby Rivera

The History of Mischief by Rebecca Higgie

The Killing Code by Ellie Marney

Two Can Play That Game by Leanne Yong (bonus: my coworkers had to listen to me complain on friday that this book didn't get any awards for children's book week!!! I WAS MAD)

there are more but i'll leave it here <3

[mistermaxwellboucherdieasilived]

Doing @charlottan's book tag game Hiiiiiii Charlotte :) And thanks Skippy for tagging me

Favorite books: We'll Fly Away by Bryan Bliss, The Street by Ann Petry, Notes From my Captivity by Kathy Parks, Hunger Games trilogy (Catching Fire is my fave I think), Darius the Great is Not Okay by Adib Khorram SOOOOO GOOD, Long Way Down by Jason Reynolds, More Than This by Patrick Ness

Favorite authors: Sorry for this some of these I've read literally one of their books. But anyway. Jason Reynolds, Lemony Snicket, George Orwell SORRY, John Webster, E. Lockhart LOVEEEEE HER

Favorite genres: Realistic fiction, lgbt coming of age/romance, YA but I don't consider that its own genre, novels in verse, early modern british drama sorry, survival narratives (idk if theres an official term)

Book(s) you're currently reading: Sort of The Hunger Games trilogy because I'm writing a paper on it, about to start reading Stone Butch Blues (for fun) and The Ministry of Utmost Happiness (for class)

Books on your to read list: Stone Butch Blues, The Poet X, The Hate U Give, The Handmaid's Tale, House of Leaves (THIS SUMMER I WILL)

Books you loved as a child: STARGIRL BY JERRY SPINELLI <3333, Nature Girl by Jane Kelley, Captain Underpants (the whole series), Animorphs series, any scary stories collections but especially David Lubar's Weenies series, A Series of Unfortunate Events <33

Preferred book length: Like 300-400 pages

Books you couldn't finish: Omg so many.... Sense and Sensibility, Tess of the D'Urbervilles, The Scarlet Letter, Romeo & Juliet, Julius Caesar... these are just for school

Fiction or nonfiction: Fiction<333333333 I <3 narratives

Buy, borrow from library, or read online: Library LOL. I also love thriftbooks

Author you've read the most of, but DON'T recommend: Laurie Halse Anderson. Sorry. Okay.

Favorite book character: At the moment, Katniss Everdeen.

If you at some point stopped reading but then started again, what book/books got you into reading again: What most sparked my interest in literature for school was probably Macbeth or Heart of Darkness. I stopped reading much around freshman/sophomore year but one book that really brought me back would be You Asked for Perfect by Laura Silverman. I remember reading it in one sitting and feeling like myself again because I read it so fast lol. Smiles

Tagging @verpaso and anyone else who wants to heart

[jabertaf123]

In the heart of Gaza, I, a young father, hold my three small children close as the relentless echoes of war shake the very ground beneath us. My eldest, just five years old, stares at the world with wide, innocent eyes that have witnessed more than they should. My other two children, even younger, cling to me, their small hands trembling as explosions rip through what was once a peaceful neighborhood.

Every day, my heart shatters a little more. Each scream, each distant blast, pierces through me like a dagger. I try, with all my strength, to shield my children from the horrors around us, but how can I hide the thunderous roar of war? How can I protect their innocent minds from the terrifying reality of death and destruction that surrounds us? Food is scarce, and water even more so. I scavenge whatever I can find, often risking my life just to bring back a scrap of bread, all while my children cry out in hunger, their small stomachs empty.

At night, we huddle together in the corner of our damaged home, now nothing more than a fragile shell. I whisper stories of hope into their ears, even though my voice trembles with fear. They look up at me, searching for reassurance, but the truth is, there is no safety here. No refuge from the violence that has stolen our peace. This war has taken everything from us—our freedom, our security—and now it threatens to take our lives.

Each day, I face unbearable choices. Do I flee with my children into the streets, risking death at every turn, or do I stay, hoping against hope for a ceasefire that never comes? Every decision feels like a gamble with the lives of those I love most. My body is worn out, my spirit shattered, but I cannot afford to break—not while my children depend on me to survive.

I am just a young father, trying to protect my family in a war zone. My children deserve a life free from fear, a chance to laugh and play, but for now, all I can do is hold them close and pray for our safety.

Please, I beg you, if you can hear my plea—help us. We need your prayers, your support, your donations. My family and I cannot endure this suffering alone. With your help, maybe we can survive this nightmare and find a glimmer of hope in a future free from war. Please, I ask you from the depths of my heart, help us before it’s too late.

[fionacreates]

3, 11, 14 for the book asks?

3. What were your top five books of the year?

(gonna lump some series together)

"Darius the Great is not OK" and the sequel "Darius the Great Deserves Better" by Adib Hhorram - maybe it was just the vibe I needed at the time, but they were lovely coming of age books.

The Farseer Trilogy by Robin Hobb (reread) It's been actual YEARS since I read these and I still cite them as a favourite series. It was amazing how much I forgot. Still a good read. Even if I want to throttle the teenage protag at times!

The Martian by Andy Weir. I picked the audiobook up on a whim because it was available and I needed something to listen to. Best whim I've had this year! I don't know what I expected from the book, (I haven't seen the film) but it was a blast from start to finish. Again, the narration by Wil Wheaton didn't hurt!

Jade City by Fonda Lee. I've only had a chance to read the first of the trilogy, and it was setting up for some grand things. It's been a while since I looked around the fantasy genre for a good series to sink my teeth into and there's been so much published since I last went looking. Can't wait to get to the next two.

A Taste of Gold and Iron by Alexandra Rowland. Fantasy queer romance. Does what it says on the tin. The right amount of trope and emotion and vibe. I've read a few fantasy romances this year and I was expecting something melodramatic and cliche but fun, and it delivered way above what I expected! I know the author is publishing again next year and I can't wait. I think it's pirates next time.

Honourable Mentions

Lessons in Chemisty - Bonny Garmus

The Goblin Emperor - Katherine Addison/Sarah Monette

11. What was your favorite book that has been out for a while, but you just now read?

The Odssey - Homer (I know QUITE A WHILE Huh?)

I listened to an audiobook narrated by George Blagden, this has been a book I've tried to read for a while as I am ofc very aware of the cultural impact, but I just couldn't get into reading it. Considering the Odyssey comes from Oral Tradition it is so much better when read to you. George Blagden's voice doesn't hurt either :P

14. What books do you want to finish before the year is over?

I'm rereading Jane Austen's Emma for the first time since I read it the first time, and I'm trying to go slowly and really enjoy the language, not zoom through for "OMG WHAT HAPPENS NEXT". I'm now getting to enjoy the slower chapters and all the bonus gossip and vibes.

I'm also in the middle of Victoria Goddard's Hands of the Emperor which has been a good read so far, protags who aren't -20 are rare and I love it.

Yes I ADHD read multiple books at once.

Folks, send more book asks!! - The List is Here

[faunabel]

*paws at ur inbox* can i get some music recs? what kind of stuff r u into?

ME????? 🥺 oh this delights me sm. who are u kind anon?? <333

SO! you asked me to yap and i shall >:3 i listen to a lot of stuff so maybe u will find something u like! so sorry for my rambling but u opened the floodgates. i'm more of a song person than artist person but i searched through my playlist just for u!

one. first, if u like acoustic, dreamy, melancholy, sometimes romantic music, i recommend flower face! her music feels like waking up from a far away dream world except the dream world was dystopian.

( jupiter | spiracle | the garden | another life )

two. band rec, i've always loved against the current. their music varies from pop, to punk pop, to pop rock, to rock. fave song by them is weapon. it got me through a v hard time and the first time i heard it i was like omg. perfection, truly.

( weapon | almost forgot | paralyzed )

three. also! i like waterparks. i don't know all their songs but a lot of them seem to be in the pop rock category, which i love <3

( dream boy | stupid for you | 11:11 )

four. OH if you don't mind non-english artists, i love emanuele aloia. he's italian (if u couldn't tell) and a lot of his songs are partially rap. his songs are pretty deep and a lot of them are romantic! beautiful lyrics <3 he's obsessed with similes which amuses me a little. even if u don't understand the words, his music is still gorgeous.

( quando dio ti ha inventata | cartagine | girasoli | il bacio di klimt )

five. if u like english vocaloid and dark, dreamy, melancholic, nostalgic songs, i recommend pumpkin head! i love their music sm. i believe they have DID so some of their songs hit very hard for me (as someone who also has DID).

( 8am | reflection? | requiem for gemini )

six. sounds like harmony. his music varies from acoustic to pop rock/punk and feels pretty sentimental to me. his lyrics r clearly very personal to him which i love <3

( neverland | fairytale | everything i've never wanted )

seven. fly by midnight is pretty good. they're more pop, i believe! i don't have much to say abt them except that fr some reason they remind me of lionfield. my brain just sees two guys and goes Oh Look It's Lionfield. (lionfield also has good music btw. if u weren't aware. go listen now this is an order)

( in the night | tragedy | infinitely falling )

eight. i like bao the whale! she makes her own songs, covers, and frequently joins other artists as a vocalist. vv pretty, sweet, cutesy voice! songs are on the soft side. peach vibes, u know? if you like her, you'll also prbly like adib sin.

( seafoam | bishounen | honeymoon un deux troix )

nine. if u like rap, u'll like zach diamond. i don't use tiktok often but i did find him on there and he seems like a nice guy <3 also his lyrics r pretty personal which, again, i enjoy. love peeking into people's minds.

( falling deep | on my own | isolation )

ten. i don't listen to them as much as i used to, but i still love get scared. rock band. probably everyone knows them, esp if u grew up on the internet any time in the past 13 years.

( don't you dare forget the sun | problematic | built for blame | drown )

eleven. unironically, one direction. i like boy band music what can i say. their music is so upbeat and feel good. some of it's romantic. some of it's emotional. makes me wanna be a cute guy w/ a girlfriend. also makes me wanna dance 🕺

( kiss you | you and i | little things | truly madly deeply )

ok i'm sleepy now and eleven is a lot so hopefully u found something u like! :3 honk shooo honk shoooooooooo

[thereadingchallengechallenge]

Top 24 of 2022!

I've read a whopping 130 books in 2022 and it was incredibly difficult to narrow that down to any sort of "Top #" list... So of course I went with the biggest number my photo collage website would let me make 🤣

I've listed them below with pride flags for LGBT+ books and access symbols for disability, neurodivergence and mental illness rep 😊 and as always, feel free to ask me about any of the books on the list or search for my review of it on my blog!

Neverland by Margot McGovern ♿️

For the Wolf by Hannah Whitten

Different Kinds of Fruit by Kyle Lukoff 🏳️‍🌈

The Mirror Season by Anna-Marie McLemore 🏳️‍🌈

The Killing Code by Ellie Marney 🏳️‍🌈

The Anthropocene Reviewed by John Green ♿️

Ten Steps to Nanette by Hannah Gadsby ♿️ 🏳️‍🌈

Kiss and Tell by Adib Khorram 🏳️‍🌈

Lycanthropy and Other Chronic Illnesses by Kristen O'Neal ♿️

Ellen Outside the Lines by AJ Sass ♿️ 🏳️‍🌈

Hell Followed With Us by Andrew Joseph White ♿️ 🏳️‍🌈

Fraternity by Andy Mientus 🏳️‍🌈

What They Don't Know by Nicole Maggi

Gallant by VE Schwab ♿️

Written in the Stars by Alexandria Bellefleur 🏳️‍🌈

Make You Mine This Christmas by Lizzie Huxley-Jones ♿️ 🏳️‍🌈

The Scratch Daughters by HA Clarke 🏳️‍🌈

Clown in a Cornfield 2: Frendo Lives by Adam Cesare 🏳️‍🌈 ♿️

Arden Grey by Ray Stoeve 🏳️‍🌈

Improbable Magic for Cynical Witches by Kate Scelsa 🏳️‍🌈 ♿️

The Heartbreak Bakery by AR Capetta 🏳️‍🌈

At the End of Everything by Marieke Nijkamp ♿️

Meat Market by Juno Dawson ♿️ 🏳️‍🌈

Half Sick of Shadows by Laura Sebastian

[mariacallous]

If I were granted paradise I would not wish to have it alone May no clouds rain on me and my land That do not cover the whole country

When Riad al-Turk, the veteran dissident known affectionately as “the old man of the Syrian opposition,” died on New Year’s Day 2024 in exile in France at the age of 93, his family took the unusual step of starting his death notice not with a religious quote but with the above lines by the 11th-century Syrian poet, philosopher and freethinker Abu al-Alaa al-Maarri. The egalitarian spirit of the verse captures much of the essence of Riad, who lived a life of great personal sacrifice in the struggle for a free and democratic Syria. He suffered immensely but was not broken. He leaves behind a rich legacy.

When I first met Riad, I had recently arrived in Damascus from Britain. It was the year 2000. It was a mild autumn, but all the talk was of a “Damascus Spring.” Hafez al-Assad had just died, after three decades of totalitarian dictatorship, and his son Bashar had inherited the presidency. The new president seemed to be an outward-looking modernizer. Many Syrians at home and abroad believed his presidency would usher in a new democratic age. My father was one of many political dissidents who seized the moment to return from exile. He took me with him.

Riad al-Turk was a close friend and former comrade of my father’s. He used to visit our house in Tiliani, behind the Italian Hospital from which the district takes its name. I saw my father truly come alive on those evenings when they sat with other friends in a smoke-filled room, a glass of arak or whisky in hand, voices raised, hands gesturing. During those visits my father relived the escapades of his youth. He could also engage in the animated political discussions he’d missed so much in exile.

I was young, and my interest in Syrian politics was limited. I had come to Damascus to spend time with family. I had recently graduated with a master’s degree in human rights and had dreams of working in South Asia. Did I want to work on human rights in Syria? Riad asked me. A short while later, I found myself attending a meeting of a human rights monitoring center, one of the newly formed independent civil society organizations that had sprung up following Hafez al-Assad’s death. The meeting was held in an old stone building in Damascus’ Baramkeh neighborhood. I was introduced that day to a young lawyer called Razan Zaitouneh. We were the same age, both of us were passionate about human rights and social justice, and we quickly developed a strong friendship. At the time, I was largely oblivious to the risks such work entailed.

I never made it to South Asia, and I saw a great deal more of Riad.

Riad al-Turk was born in Homs in 1930. He grew up in an orphanage. Maybe it was his early childhood experience that imbued him with the strong sense of injustice and the determination to resist it that would define his life. He became politically active while in law school, and in 1952 he joined the Syrian Communist Party (SCP). His first short stint in prison was the same year. This was punishment for opposing the military coup led by Adib al-Shishakli, one of a series of coups that followed Syria’s formal independence from France. Then he was imprisoned again in 1958 and held for 16 months for opposing the short-lived United Arab Republic, which brought the Syrian and Egyptian states together under Gamal Abdel Nasser’s rule. Both the Shishakli coup and the Nasserist dictatorship significantly eroded Syrian democracy, giving the military and security services a central role in political life. It was this assault on democracy — and, specifically, Nasser’s banning of the Syrian Communist Party — that provoked the opposition of Riad and his comrades. He was a democrat to his core. And by now he had suffered grievous torture, which didn’t subdue his fervor for justice — on the contrary, it deepened and made it more visceral. He refused to back down.

He served as secretary general of the Syrian Communist Party (Political Bureau) from its foundation in 1973 until 2005. The party was formed following a split in the SCP over several key disagreements. The breakaway Political Bureau wanted the Arabs to play a role independent of the Soviet Union and opposed the SCP’s authoritarian leadership under Khaled Bakdash. In 1972, they rejected the SCP’s decision to join the pro-regime National Progressive Front, which provided a facade of political pluralism while the reality was absolute subservience to the ruling Baath Party and the Hafez al-Assad cult. The Political Bureau was able to operate at first, although with restrictions. But the regime cracked down on the party after it strongly condemned Syria’s intervention in Lebanon in 1976, in which Assad supported pro-Israel Falangist militias against the Palestinian-leftist alliance. All party activity was severely repressed. In October 1980, Riad was arrested.

On this occasion, he was imprisoned for almost 18 years, spending the whole time in solitary confinement. For the first 10 years he didn’t have a bed to sleep on. As well as the psychological torment, he was subjected to extreme physical torture. He refused repeated attempts to co-opt him in return for his release.

He was isolated from the outside world entirely. It was only in the final months that he was allowed books, newspapers or mail. I once asked him how he managed not to lose his mind after such a long period in solitary confinement. He told me how he used to collect lentils from his meals to turn into artworks. This story became well known among Syrians, in part through two films made by Mohammad Ali Atassi about Riad’s life: “Ibn al-Amm” (The Cousin, 2001) and “Ibn al-Amm Online” (The Cousin Online, 2012).

His long periods in prison, and his unwavering commitment to a free Syria, earned him comparisons to Nelson Mandela. I was often in awe not just of Riad, but of other former prisoners who, despite years of incarceration and brutal treatment, resumed their political activism when they were released. I suppose they’d had everything else taken from them — the chance of a life lived with family, of raising children — and knew that once your eyes are opened to tyranny and injustice, remaining silent is also a political choice.

Riad was released in May 1998. Hafez al-Assad died in 2000.

When I arrived in Syria in the fall of 2000, the “Damascus Spring” was in full swing. In the supposed political opening of Bashar’s nascent reign, a number of forums were being set up, primarily in Damascus but also in other towns. In these forums, dissidents gathered to discuss ideas of political reform. It was by no means a radical movement — its demands were modest — yet it represented a significant change in a polity where, for decades, all criticism was forbidden and brutally suppressed. Once more, Riad became a prominent critic of the regime. In an interview on Al Jazeera in August 2001, he declared, “the dictator has died.” The regime was angered. Riad was arrested and tried by the State Security Court and spent another 15 months in prison.

At the human rights organization where I worked, one of our main areas of focus was political prisoners and prisoners of conscience — those from a wide variety of backgrounds and political beliefs who were imprisoned because they opposed the regime and advocated for a free and democratic Syria. As the “Damascus Spring” turned to winter, we were increasingly advocating for friends and colleagues who had been incarcerated by the regime. Riad was one of them. It had now become apparent that Bashar al-Assad would continue his father’s authoritarian rule.

In 2005, the Syrian Communist Party (Political Bureau) moved away from its Marxist-Leninist roots. Adopting a social democratic orientation, it became the Syrian Democratic People’s Party. Riad stepped down as party secretary, but remained an active and influential member. In October of that year, he was one of the signatories to the Damascus Declaration. This attempt to unify the political opposition called for a multiparty democracy based on free periodic elections, respect for the rule of law, equality and human rights. (In 2011, the Syrian Democratic People’s Party joined the Syrian National Council through its participation in the Damascus Declaration.)

But Riad was aware that a lack of political freedoms was not the only challenge people faced. The neoliberal economic reforms introduced by Bashar al-Assad and his regime’s rampant corruption and crony capitalism were impoverishing large sections of the population. In a 2005 interview, Riad observed:

The issues that concern people are the issues that affect their daily lives. The average salary, for example, is less than 6,000 lira (about $115) per month. It’s not enough; they need to pay rent and put food on the table and most families have at least five people. … The average citizen may work two or three jobs and there is no time for anything else. How is he supposed to get active in politics? It’s not possible because the mafia-like rulers have continuously impoverished the people of this country.

Riad al-Turk was a man of quiet and unassuming dignity. He was a profoundly intelligent man and one of considered words. He exuded warmth despite the sadness in his eyes that hinted at the ocean of pain he must have carried within.

At our office in Baramkeh, a delicious cooked lunch was prepared every afternoon. We were often joined by various figures of the Syrian opposition — human rights defenders, political activists and journalists. As Razan Zaitouneh and I were the two young women in a group of older men, the task of clearing away the dishes often fell to us. The exception was Riad. This elderly, frail gentleman, whose iconic status and history of hardship should have exempted him from any mundane tasks, always got up to help us.

He was also generous in spirit. I still have two gifts from Riad, one a beautiful simple silver box for tobacco (he found my smoking roll-ups amusing) and the other a set of beads strung by political prisoners during their incarceration.

When the Syrian revolution erupted in 2011, of course Riad openly supported it. He believed the revolution belonged to the youth, and he was critical of the traditional opposition from which he himself came. In a 2011 interview, he told the filmmaker Atassi:

Revolutions are not made by statements and television interviews but by action on the ground. … Today, we face a people emerging from their silence, developing their own language, inventing their slogans and forms of action. Let us listen to them carefully, walk with them and not ahead of them and refrain from hijacking their voices to our benefit.

In the early days of the revolution, he went into hiding, at first staying in Damascus to avoid arrest as the regime was rounding up thousands of pro-democracy protesters and opposition activists. He was close to the young activists of the local coordination committees co-founded by Razan Zaitouneh that organized the protest movement and engaged in media work. He moved throughout the liberated areas encouraging the youth to join the rebellion against the regime’s tyranny. Although not himself a member, he was influential in the Syrian National Council (the opposition body in exile) when it was formed in Istanbul in August 2011. In 2018, in deteriorating health, he left his beloved Syria and fled via Turkey to France, to be with his daughters following his wife’s death.

Some rare people who enter your life are teachers — people who, through their friendship, change you forever. Riad al-Turk was such a person for me. So was Razan Zaitouneh, the young woman he introduced me to all those years ago. (Razan was kidnapped in the Syrian city of Douma in 2013, most likely by the Islamist militia Jaish al-Islam, along with three other activists — Samira al-Khalil, Wael Hammadeh and Nazem Hammadi — collectively known since their disappearance as the Douma Four.) Riad and Razan taught me the same lesson: that political struggle is not an abstract, elite or intellectual endeavor. Political struggle starts and ends with people — it stands by them, and walks together with them. Riad al-Turk liked to be called by the affectionate term “Ibn al-Amm” (cousin) by his friends and comrades. But to me he was always “Ammo” (uncle). The best way we can honor his legacy is by continuing to strive for the Syria he gave his life to achieve.

[adibkhorram]

Does Darius listen to PAR-K?? :)

omg worlds colliding!!! what a fun question!!

(for those who haven't read yet PAR-K is an Iranian-American pop-rock band [read: boy band] from Kiss & Tell)

I honestly don't know?? I waffle on whether all my books are in the same universe are not honestly. But if they WERE in the same universe I think Darius would like them!!

[koizumicchi]

Fantasia LOVE&KISS English Summary/Translation Part II

Confession Executive Committee Fantasia LOVE&KISS Light Novel English Summary/Translation Part II

Draft: HoneyWorks Author: Kousaka Mari

~

Introduction Part I

—–

T/N: Keep in mind that Japanese and English aren’t my first language. I never claim my translation (attempts) to be error-free. As always, if you’re going to use or reference my translations, please do not claim it as your own and credit me.

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ACT V

aizou decided to add an adlib on the dungeon scene with aoi (the sister of the princess). he asked aoi to do it along with him. aoi was reluctant at first because the director might get angry. after all, the adib was added without permission. but she agreed still since aizou’s adlib was interesting. the director was amused by it. he’s holding his laughter (aizou saw) but when he sees aizou looking at him, he shifted his expression lol. after that, the tense atmosphere in their rehearsals became lighter. at the corridor, aizou’s looking at the script when yuujirou walked out of the practice room. yuujirou: otsukaresama desu aizou: o-otsukare he was taken aback because greetings like that from yuujirou were rare.

~ aizou asked yuujirou to practice with him (for their lines) and says that even though they have the most scenes and lines together, they havent practiced with each other at all. yuujirou agrees but says, he wont add strange adlibs like aizou hahahaslfjslfjsl and he mentions about the rumors that aizou was wooing his co-stars (said by aoi when aizou asked help from her and rino; that was why aoi was so wary of him at first). yuujirou, jokingly: you shouldnt woo them. it’s impolite aizou: you’ve eavesdropped on me!! yuujirou: not my fault you were talking in the hallway ~ after the practice for the scene in the cathedral.. yuujirou asks the director what’s the difference between his acting before and today. the director gave his OK and is satisfied. before, yuujirou had to re-do that scene several times in the span of 2 hrs. so he was puzzled. director: dont you understand? (he’s not angry but calm) yuujirou: i dont know. i did not act different. i acted the same way i did.

director: you’d been standing on the stage on your own. today, your partner is there with you. director: you two. your performance today wasn't bad. *leaves* yuujirou: ....i don't understand aizou: that’s right. what you lacked was the feeling of respecting your partner more. yuujirou: *glares at him with eyes that were full of dissatisfaction* what kind of mood are you in, you’re just a daikon (an unskilled actor who overacts) aizou: don't call me a daikon!!! yuujirou: you said it yourself. that your acting is a daikon. aizou: at that time! i’m evolving and growing everyday! you’re mistaken if you think i’d stay as a daikon forever! yuujirou: and just where? didn't you fumbled on your lines three times today? you made a mistake and covered it with an adlib! aizou: i arranged it so! well....the lines i fumbled on today was because today’s lunch wasn't tuna mayo..? it was an umeboshi onigiri yuujirou: what, are you passing your own wrongs to the umeboshi onigiri? aizou: it’s your fault; you monopolized the tuna mayo onigiri! and that’s two...give one to me! yuujirou: don't wanna! we played rock paper scissors twice and you lost both times! aizou: even so! you should at least give one to your partner!! it’s not enough for you....ouch! dont step on me! yuujirou, face impudent: i will never hand over tuna mayo to aizou ever again! *turns away from aizou* aizou: what are you saying, you haven’t given me at least one!!!

aizou’s thoughts: you’re really not cute at all!!!!!!

~ after rehearsals, aizou has singing lessons for the musical. it’s because he still cant sing the song well (the song in the cathedral, where yuujirou will play the piano in accompaniment). he still hasnt improved. it’s not the same as singing when recording their songs. when he sings for the musical, his voice comes out shaky. yuujirou was picked up by uchida earlier, for a photoshoot. aizou walking home alone. it’s raining, but he has an umbrella. although the drops of rain damp his shoulders. he thought back on the time he couldnt sing. he could speak, but when he tries to sing, he loses his voice. he saw a doctor for an examination, thankfully, it wasnt anything abnormal; but the doctor said it was due to stress. after a while, he started to play his father’s guitar again. he was able to sing a little, but he didnt want anyone to listen to it. but he regrets that time now. if only he used that time more carefully, then he’s a different person now. maybe he could sing well and this musical would be a piece of cake. he wanted more time. but the people around him wont wait until he grows up. aizou: it cant be helped.... and then he meets IV. aizou: why are you here, IV-san? IV: i’m on my way from the agency. oh right, YUI’s worried about you. He was all ‘Aizou is terribly unwell that he refuses my invitations to eat ramen...’

aizou smiles awkwardly. it’s not like he isn't in the mood for ramen but he thinks he whined to YUI with something like, ‘I’m not good at singing’ but aizou thought he couldnt ask IV to mentor him, because he knows IV is busy. IV: do you have time now, aizou? aizou: eh? IV: because it seems that you need me right now *laughing as if he knows aizou’s at a loss on what to do* aizou, realizing he needed IV more than ever: yoroshiku onegaishimasu! IV bring him to a LIVE house. and when they came inside, aizou was in awe. it’s used by IV. well, only until someone buys it. aizou realized this is like a hideout for IV. aizou shows IV the music sheet for the song and tells him the details. IV lets him sing on stage here, to which aizou questions if he should sing without a mic. IV didnt give him one. IV tells him to go on. aizou’s reluctant. it’s a song he has trouble with singing....and it’s not easy to let his voice reach where IV is (in the audience seats) without a mic. but he tries anyway.

-----

ACT VI

LOVE&KISS AU scene in the throne room: after coming back from the mountain, aizou and yuujirou headed to the place where they would meet the sister of the princess. however, guards were waiting for them there and they were captured and brought before the princess. the sister of the princess stands beside the throne. this is where the princess calls the monsters attacking the town at night her ‘little children’, who are just taking an evening stroll and yet the humans hurt them. this angers aizou. the people of the town are suffering. his hand’s on his rapier but he couldn't draw it yet. the princess promises to spare aizou and yuujirou’s lives if they give her the sword they found in the mountain, but in exchange, they have to pledge allegiance to the princess for the rest of their lives. aizou refuses and tells her that just how far is she gonna look down on them. princess: huh, what are you unhappy about? aren't you traveling entertainers? then dance and sing for me. entertain me. it’ll keep me out of boredom. aizou flat out refuses again. the princess laughs and says she doesnt care anymore if they’re traveling entertainers or thieves; or what their identities are, really. they’re going to be her little birds anyway. she promises if they fight for her, she’s going to treat them well. she gives them choices: swear their loyalty to her, be prisoners, or become food for the monsters. princess: see, i’m generous! aizou chooses none. aizou: we ae the ones to decide what we will do. who will obey you!? the princess gets annoyed and calls them selfish for not choosing the options she generously gave. she signals the guards to seize them. “i dont want anyone who doesnt listen to me.” her little sister blocks it though. she begs the princess to stop, kneeling. she begs her to return back to her old self and cries. princess: i see. how disappointing. you, who i cherished- i have no use for you anymore. she signals the guards to get her sister too. but the guards hesitated. princess: what are you doing? hurry up and do it! aizou: that person is your sister!!! guards surrounded them. princess: so? will you beg for the sake of my sister? then, kneel to me, kiss my foot and swear your loyalty. and then i’ll forgive. aizou was about to strike her but it was yuujirou who stopped him with his arm. yuujirou: if you ask me to beg forgiveness, then i’ll do it as much as i can. aizou: OI !!! aizou’s yelling in anger but yuujirou silenced him up with a look. yuujioru says to the princess that they dont want to waste their lives. the princess comments they’re different from the other idiots she came across and pretty much know where they stand. yuujirou hands her the sword with the rose crest - owned by the late king. the princess orders the guards to put down their swords and they stepped aside. yuujirou: please forgive our rude and unreasonable behaviors. he takes her leg and slowly brings her foot closer to his mouth. the princess looks at him with eyes squinted, clearly amused. however, he stops just before his lips touched it and looks up at the princess. yuujirou tells her that they will not pledge their loyalty. and that when they are done with their business in this country, the princess should let them leave the castle. but before that, they will receive the reward for fulfilling the promise. he’s talking about the wish-granting jewel. the princess tells him that jewel doesnt exist anywhere in the world, or in this country. she doesnt know where it is either. the castle has been searched for it but there was none found. she wants to know too where it is. the legends say that once a dragon is defeated, its body shattered, it will leave behind a wish-granting jewel. the jewel from the time the late king defeated the dragon may have been lost but a dragon re-appeared in this country. yuujirou pulls out his dagger. “if we defeat the dragon, then we can obtain another jewel!” yuujirou swings the blade. however, it didnt reach the princess. the princess’ eyes turned crimson and a cold smile spread on her lips. a freezing wind blew. the same cry aizou and yuujirou heard in the mountain echoed through the castle halls. the dragon was there in the throne. her entire body is crystal clear but the area around the chest was glowing bright red. aizou: is this real???!!!! the dragon flaps his wings and the winds brought by it shatter the stained glass in the hall. sharp ice was pouring down. dodging, yuujirou rushed over to aizou and grabbed him by the arm. yuujirou: the bow??? aizou comes to his senses and hands yuujirou the bow he had entrusted to him. yuujirou sets aside the cloth wrapped around it. the ice that fell to the ground were now monsters. aizou: arent those- arent those the monsters that appeared at the town??? but wait-  why did the princess transform into a dragon? can a dragon be transformed into a human????

yuujirou gets ready to shoot arrows. his arrow pierces the eye of a monster who was about to attak the sister of the princess. aizou immediately stabs another monster using his rapier. they pulled the royal sister to safety behind a pillar. sister: get out of this place asap!!! dont think about me!!! there is no end to the monsters. once you defeat one, another will appear. the guards were already gone; they ran away. they were the only ones here. aizou and yuujirou: *back to back*

aizou: what are we going to do? you were so rude that the princess became very angry.

yuujirou: no. i didnt expect that she’d be so angry, she’d turn into a dragon.

yuujirou kills the monster that aizou kicked away, with an arrow.

aizou: liar! you knew! or rather, dragons dont do that normally! how would it turn back to being human???

yuujirou, after shooting another arrow: who knows. at times like this, dont they return back to their former selves with a passionate kiss. i don’t know though.

aizou, with an astonished face: you have a point.

aizou: this is your fault so you should try to do it.

yuujirou: no. impossible. she hates me. you should try it instead.

aizou: not me. i’m a little- i’m scared to.

there’s a blizzard now and when the dragon flaps his wings, there’s a crack in the castle walls. aizou and yuujirou turn pale and fell silent.

yuujirou: ….why don’t we try and ask her which kiss would she choose.

aizou: you try and muster up your courage then.

a part of the ceiling is blown away.

yuujirou, shaking his head: absolutely impossible.

before you can even kiss that dragon, you’ll be swallowed whole.

the sister explains again that it’s not the true princess. and then, a loud laughter echoes and the princess emerged from the dragon’s back. she commanded the dragon to crush the nasty thieves. aizou, staring blankly and then pointing at it in surprise: wait- didnt the princess turn into that dragon???!!!!

royal sister, glaring: i told you several times that that dragon is not my sister!!!!

aizou smiles wryly. anyway, if we don't do something about the dragon then the princess wont return back to normal. yuujirou,frowning: either way, the only way to get the jewel is to defeat the dragon. he looks at the dragon, and grins, trying to curb his resentment. yuujirou: then it’s decided. yuujirou checks his arrows. he shouldnt waste it. no matter how many monsters they defeat, it will only re-appear. he says to aizou that he’ll support him and then aizou can jump while the dragon is distracted. yuujirou’s arrows are not powerful enough to inflict fatal wounds. in order to kill the dragon in a single blow, he has to rely on aizou’s rapier. after staring at yuuirou’s face, aizou places a hand on his waist and sighs a little.

aizou: do you understand? i cant take that princess (the royal sister) with me. you’ll have to fight while covering for her. but it’s the only way.

he knows it’s reckless but if they fail, they won’t make it out alive. sister: i have no intention of being a hindrance to the two of you. you can think of me as not being here. i have no choice but to rely on you. the ceiling crumbles and the three of them runs. aizou, behind the pillar on the right. and yuujirou and the royal sister on the left, behind a pillar as well. yuujirou tells her to not move here and he leaves. he grabs his arrows and puts it on his bow. he closes his eyes, exhales deeply and concentrates. just as the dragon spreads its wings to fly up, yuujirou shoots arrows towards its wings. the dragon roars and flaps its wings. a gust of wind blew towards them and his hat flew away. but there’s no time to worry about that. the arrow hits the dragon’s eye. aizou jumps up but at that moment, the dragon swept its wings. aizou jumps backwards to avoid it and stumbles. the tip of his broken rapier goes flying while spinning, and then piercing the floor. there’s blood dripping from the cut in aizou’s forehead. he gasps for breath. with a broken sword, he fights the monsters that attack him. yuujirou was surrounded by monsters too and couldn't even rush to his aide.

yuujirou’s arms that drew the bow were weak. only five more arrows left. there’s his dagger but using only that as a weapon would be impossible. he grits his teeth and counteracts the thoughts in his head. the princess reads his mind and sneers. “it’d be better if you give up. no matter how many of you are, you cant match me. all is for naught.” aizou: whether it is useless or not, we wont know unless we try! yuujirou’s eyes widen at aizou’s strong tone. aizou points the broken sword to the dragon. a strong will is reflected in his eyes, conveying he has no intention of giving up. if they gave up here, then everything will definitely be for naught. they haven't gotten anything yet, or accomplished anything. it’s always been much easier to drop everything and run away. perhaps a wise and the right decision. however, why were they born in this world, for what purpose are they continuing to live for, the ‘answer’ to that will remain to be undiscovered. yuujirou grips his bow tightly and looks around the hall. he sees the sword of the late king between the rubble and ice, surrounded by monsters. the guard probably threw it away in haste as he ran. yuujirou tried to jump and get it, but a sharp pain coursed through his leg and he involuntarily fell to his knees. a monster was attacking him from behind but he thrusts his dagger into its eyes. yuujirou grabs his knee to suppress the trembling. as yuujirou clenches his teeth, the royal sister runs from behind the pillar. she’s aiming for the sword. she managed to get it, but the monsters were surrounding her. so she threw the sword to yuujirou, and falls to the floor with a scream.

as soon as he got the sword, yuujirou immediately lifted himself up and turned to aizou. he screams for aizou to take the it. aizou turns to him, yuujirou’s voice reaching him. yuujirou forces himself to stand on his wounded leg and threw the sword with everything he got. aizou pushes the monster away from him; he jumps out and reached for the sword and pulls it out of its scabbard. meanwhile, yuujirou grabs his remaining arrows and aims them to the dragon. the arrows pierce the wings but as he shoots more, the dragon roars and glared at him. aizou runs then, and without delay, he jumps. yuujirou picks up his last remaining arrow and draws his bow with all the strength he has. the arrow forces the dragon to lean back, and almost at the same time, aizou’s sword pierces deep into the center of its chest. the dragon’s body shatters and the princess on its back loses consciousness and falls. the royal sister jumps out to catch her in time. together, they laid on the floor. aizou, who landed, staggers and lets out a voice. “there we go.” the monsters in the hall disappeared. the frozen walls and floors thawed. blood dripped down yuujirou’s feet. yuujirou: .....! he can no longer stand and he immediately drops the bow and puts his hands and knees on the floor. he has no strength left. he takes a breath...and suddenly...he’s floating in the air. he opens his eyes in surprise and sees aizou. aizou, who’s holding yuujirou’s knees and shoulders with both arms. yuujirou grabs aizou by the shoulder. aizou: you seem much more benevolent/tender-hearted to me. he says while supporting yuujirou’s arm around his shoulder, and laughs. yuujirou in surprise, unintentionally looked at his face. his brows furrowed and he turns away from aizou. yuujirou: this is unnecessary help... it turned out to be a strong way of expression. however, without aizou’s help, nothing would have been possible. yuujirou’s eyes narrows slightly but a smile spreads across his lips. that’s the time. raise your gaze and notice what is in front of you. “....it’s not snow....” the shattered body of the dragon, it’s like a grain that emits a small brilliance. yuujirou and aizou watches in surprise as it all gathers and turns into crystals: a transparent yellow stone that seems to be collected sunlight, and a dark blue stone, like the deep sea. the two look at each and shouts, “the jewel!” yuujirou nearly falls as he steps forward. aizou grabs his arm and pulls him up. yuujirou reaches out a hand to the shining blue stone. aizou stares at the yellow stone that had fallen in his hand, his eyes shining in joy. the both of them had traveled far, placing their hope in this stone. when yuujirou opens his hand, a blue light emanates from it. making sure it is the jewel in his hand, yuujirou grips the stone firmly once again. yuujirou’s thoughts: i finally obtained it!! ~ the princess is back to normal. and she tells them what her father once told her: if a dragon were to bring disaster to this country again, a brave man will appear, defeat the dragon, and bring salvation to this country. princess: the two of you deserve to be called heroes who saved our country. words of gratitude alone are not enough to repay you. aizou: we’re not heroes or men of valor though... aizou puts his hands behind his head and looks at yuujirou, as if at a loss on what to do. yuujirou, hands on his hips and smiling: isnt it just fine to be traveling entertainers passing by? aizou: yes, that’s about right for us. ah, but- these stones, can we get this? it’s a promise in the first place. aizou shows the stone he’s holding. the intense glow has already softened. it’s a pale, warm sheen now. yuujirou’s stone is also enveloped in a blue transparent light. princess: of course. it’s something you both obtained. it’s meant for you two. i have heard that the stone, which contains the power of a dragon, grants the wish of those who possesses it and protects them. i am certain it will bring good fortune on your journey ahead. royal sister: when you visit this town again, please stop by the castle. me and my sister will welcome you! aizou: by saying that, you’re not going to throw us into the dungeons again, are you? royal sister: i really really really want to welcome you this time! the two sisters both swear to aizou and yuujirou that they’ll defintely show in their next visit what this town looked like during the reign of the late king, where everyone lived in peace and prosperity.

-----

ACT VII

every after rehearsals, aizou and IV meet in the LIVE house. aizou sings on the stage without a mic while IV listens at the very far end of the audience seats. this time, after their practice, IV gives him a C=cup of black coffee. IV has his own cup of the same coffee as well.

IV says to aizou to have more confidence; aizou should realize he has more potential than he thinks.

aizou: i dont know. YUI-san told me the same. i can do it, but there are also things that i can’t do. i dont have the intention for that...but do people see it that way

IV: doesnt that mean to the point of view of others, they think you are capable to do more?

aizou: i think you think too highly of me.

IV: is that so? *looks at aizou with a gentle smile*

aizou: i’m not capable of a lot of things...

‘unlike yuujirou’ - aizou swallows these words along with the bitter coffee he’s drinking.

IV, murmuring: this is certainly grave.

he lets out a troubled sigh.

IV: does it mean then, that we chose you in the audition because we think too highly of you?

aizou: .....!

IV then says that during that time, only one should have passed the audition. but FTIV remained firm. not just yuujirou, but aizou as well, should not be dropped, no matter what.

IV: are you saying that this too means we give you too much credit?

aizou: IV-san....

IV smiles at aizou and pats him in the shoulder.

IV: prove it to me. that we made the right judgment at that time.

------

rehearsal for the throne room scene where the princess ordered yuujirou to kneel and ask for forgiveness.

yuujirou’s acting draws aizou in and almost made him forget he’s on stage rather than in the ‘other world’. aizou sees that what’s transpiring here now is not the partner he knows, not yuujirou of “LIPxLIP”. aizou’s sure yuujirou’s hasnt been on-stage for a long time but he still dreams of being on one. the one who’s here right now is “someya yuujirou” who continued to practice and worked hard behind the scenes.

aizou realizes he has to stand on the same stage as this yuujirou and perform on the same level as him. realizing this, he felt how unreasonable he had been. more than anyone, he knows how much yuujirou treasures “LIPxLIP” and how big his dream is for their unit. yuujirou’s trying to protect them with all the power he has in him. yuujirou’s thoughts are the same as aizou.

aizou had chosen yuujirou to be his partner, for his own dream to come true and to continue standing on the stage they both aimed for. a place, a world, that a single person can’t reach - but together they are able to see it.

aizou thought that he and yuujirou meant to fight back-to-back...but...

aizou’s thoughts: ...when did we end up leaning on each other? even though we told each other to not drag us down....

there’s a fifteen minute break. yuujirou returns to his chair and wipes his sweat with a towel. aizou watches him from a distance.

aizou’s thoughts: then he will have to carry my part of the baggage as well... in order to be equal, to stand next to him, there are things i have to overcome.

yuujirou suddenly looks at him. when their eyes met, he had a slightly puzzled look on his face. aizou doesnt look away and clenches his fists.

aizou’s thoughts: i have to overcome yuujirou. why did i forget that- even though there had always been a wall in front of me.

aizou turns his face away and presses his lips together. he quickly leaves the rehearsal room.

because if he can’t overcome it, he will not be able to lighten yuujirou’s burden.

from now on, he can’t leave his baggage and let his partner walk with it. no matter what.

----

aizou sings again in the LIVE house while IV listens at the far end of the room. afterwards, IV gives him a rare applause.

IV: good. for now, this is the end of the lesson. the rest is up to you.

aizou bows and and thanks him. after he began taking lessons from IV, the sensei who’s been also giving him rehearsal lessons said that his voice had stabilized and his voice had grown extensive and he passes. with his, he should be able to make it into the actual performance. as IV said, the rest is up to aizou.

aizou: it’s all thanks to IV-san. i’ll send you tickets so please come see it with everyone (from FT4).

aizou mentions that he’s indebted to everyone in FT4 after all. and he also said to IV to tell YUI that next time, aizou’s going with him to eat ramen.

the butai’s coming close so IV asks him how are the rehearsals.

aizou: i wonder...but i think that all i can do after that is to do everything i can.

aizou knows there are many things he lacks. he’s worried about how the people who’s see the musical would feel about the performance. but he has to believe in the efforts he have given. even if he makes a mistake on stage, even if he’s laughed at, this is everything he has.

IV: that’s right...i’m happy you’ll let us see our butai. i’ll take them with me as well.

aizou: yes

IV: you mentioned before you’re not capable of many things, right? but you should appreciate what you have. you are capable more than you think and are loved by many people.

aizou makes an expression that doesn't understand what IV is saying.

IV: someday, you’ll realize that what you take for granted is a special gift given to you. so until then, don't forget what i said.

aizou’s thoughts: a gift given to me, huh.

~

on the last rehearsal, a day before the actual performance, rino mentions that everyone started to have fun in the rehearsals, even the director has a good time too, after the ‘adlib incident’. the director is still strict, but he laughs a lot in the scenes where aizou’s in. most of the ideas aizou presented to the director are adapted to the production.

rino: im sure yuujirou thinks so too. up until then, he appears to strain himself but after, it seems he relaxes.

aizou thinks that what she said must be true, as she’s the one practicing dialogues with yuujirou.

aizou: although i didn't understand at all....

but certainly, since then, yuujirou had not wrinkled his brows or had a stern expression. perhaps it’s also because he’s no longer clashing with the director.

rino: aizou is really amazing. he moves a lot of people.

aizou: what i did was a small thing though....

rino: but it’s something no one else could do.

she hands aizou a small bag. inside are lemon-colored candy in a transparent bag. it’s similar both in color and shape with the stone aizou of the musical obtains after the dragon was defeated.

rino: let me bestow our country’s specialty, the ‘mysterious stone candy’, to the gallant traveler.

rino jests before leaving aizou.

aizou’s thoughts: mysterious stone candy....

(it’s in his and aoi’s adlib before ww) he also broke down in laughter. ~ when manager uchida called aizou and yuuijrou over at the side of the stage, yuujirou sees the bag aizou was carrying. yuujirou: what have you got there?

aizou shows the candy wrapper he’s holding. aizou: mysterious stone candy. it was given to me by the princess. amazing, right? seems like it will be sold at the goods section tomorrow. it’s packed in a cardboard box. yuujirou: what’s this? isn’t it worthless? or rather, when did it become a part of the goods? when aizou was crestfallen, the mysterious stone candy disappeared from his hand. aizou: ah! when he raised his voice and looked at yuujirou next to him, yuujirou’s grinning. yuujirou: aizou doesn't like sweets so i’ll take it! aizou: geez. i cant let my guard down around you. he sighs. it’s his mistake for showing something sweet in front of yuujirou. uchida gave them the bow and rapier. both of them put on their hats. in 15 minutes, the final rehearsals will start. uchida, smiing: then i wish you the best, you two! aizou and yuujirou answers with a ‘yes!!’ after exchanging glances with each other, they did what they always do before LIVE performances (like in the kono sekai film i think!!) ----- scene: cathedral aizou’s voice became hoarse (but it’s written in the script). aizou told himself to calm down. he cant mess up or else the scene will be ruined. yuujirou plays the organ and the first sound echoes in the venue. hearing that sound, aizou feels like he was patted on the back with a ‘hang in there’. so he sings, and his voice spreads as if wrapping the venue itself. aizou, who was singing slowly, opens his eyes in confusion. the moonlight was shining from above (it’s artificial light). he didnt use the mic during the lessons with IV. even though the mic now is picking up his singing voice properly, he’s still surprised at how much his voice resonates. it’s completely different from the usual LIVE performances. the sound of the organ yuujirou’s playing and aizou’s voice envelopes the entire venue. aizou feels good. he didnt know if it’s the effect of the lessons with IV, or the sound effects here in the venue, or the tuna mayo onigiri he bought at a konbini (convenience store) earlier this morning...but it’s different than usual. his singing voice is stable, and he can sing just as he thinks how to. the high notes that were difficult to reach during the lessons come out beautifully now. then, at this time, aizou finally remembers the way he sang in the first singing competition he joined. it’s the same then and now. aizou thinks here that when he couldn't sing when he was little, he probably put everything (including the way he sang and the memories he didn't want to remember) inside the box in his heart. he was afraid to open it as there were a lot of things he didnt want to see. but he knew it wasnt all bad memories. he was very happy to win the competition. but still, he put threw it all in a box and kept it into the deepest recesses of his mind. he didnt intend after all to see it again, or remember it. because he felt back then, that even if he sang or won the championship, he had no use and no one needed him. but as IV said, it is a gift given to him - a special one. what he’s looking for, what he needs, it’s always been inside him all along. he didn't lost the key to the box he hid in his heart. all he needed was to have the courage to open it. yuujirou stops the accompaniment at the middle. that isn't in the script. aizou’s singing voice echoes. as soon as he’s finished singing, the tears that accumulated in his eyes spilled out. afterwards, he lifted his head. the guards are looking at him, their lines forgotten. aizou looks at yuujirou involuntarily, yuuirou’s looking at him, his eyes wide in surprise. and then, the audience gave aizou a big round of applause. the director, who’s watching in the middle of the first floor, is clapping his hands. the screenwriter, and the dance and singing sensei who gave him lessons, are also clapping, along with the other staff behind the second floor seats. yuujirou’s laughing and clapping his hands as well. the guards are also laughing and clapping their hands for him. although today isn’t the actual performance at all. aizou tightly closes his eyes and bows, as if holding back the welling up tears in his eyes. yuujirou: see, you could sing! the day when he was standing on the stage of the concour, he felt like he was laughing proudly. after the rehearsals, the co-actors and staffs came over to aizou and expressed their glee. the director even gave him a pat on the shoulder. so it mean aizou got a passing grade. aizou thinks he made it just in time; he should be able to take the challenge tomorrow. and strangely enough, he doesn't feel anxious. he asks if this is what one calls ‘confidence’? because now, he feels like he can sing any song, and any number of songs. he felt like he wasn't singing enough today. and realizes he’s being too carried away lol. anyways, he’s in a state where he can keep continuing until the final day of the performance.

~ the staff finished changing the props to the snow mountain. yuujirou climbs the stairs of the mountain. staffs hurriedly left the stage. aizou tried to tie his rapier to his waist but he hears a click sound. he turns around- and sees the bow yuujirou was holding falling down the stairs. aizou’s eyes widen when he sees yuujirou’s body falling backwards. aizou throws his rapier and jumps to catch yuujirou. aizou misses the steep stairs and catches yuujirou with both arms, but aizou himself stumbles and falls on his butt. a frightened staff rushes over. manager uchida shouts, “yuujirou, aizou, are you alright?” yuujirou: i’m fine.... he got up, but his complexion was pale. it seems he couldn't stand on his own, so aizou lent his shoulder to him and they stood up together. yuujirou was taken to the hospital and returned to the agency at around 6 PM. aizou asks manager uchida where yuujirou is. yuujirou’s resting in the room and when aizou went to see how he was doing, yuujirou’s stuffing his cheeks with tuna mayo onigiri. he seems to be in good health. aizou lets out a big sigh. according to uchida, yuujirou was only dizzy due to hunger and lack of sleep. aizou was glad his body moved immediately to catch yuujirou. aizou: did you not eat? aizou sat down on the chair opposite of yuujirou. yuujirou nods as he eats the onigiri. yuujioru: i was so busy, i forgot.... the reason why yuujirou sounds like he was depressed was because he was reflecting on the fact that it became a big fuss. aizou: hey, you....dont forget it. it’s important to take care of yourself. you know that. yuujirou’s sleeping during lunch break and hadn't touched his bento. aizou’s thoughts: he probably wasn't able to sleep much at home... aizou, muttering: well, it’s my fault as your partner that i didn't look out for you. yuujirou glared at him. yuujirou: ha? aizou leaned his elbows on the table and rested his chin on his hand. he turns his face to the side. aizou: i’m relieved that you’re the same as usual. but...will you be okay tomorrow? yuujirou: of course. i was just hungry. and also sleepy.... aizou: geez..are you even eating properly at home? yuujirou: i haven't eaten. aizou: why? don't you eat sukiyaki everyday? yuujirou: whose family eats sukiyaki everyday??? when yuujirou’s about to reach for the second serving of the onigiri, the door slams open. both of them were startled. it’s the president lol. she calls them with a loud voice. she comes over to them and grasps yuujirou’s and aizou’s hands tightly and says she cannot overlook this matter. she tells them that she’ll take them to a yakinuku restaurant. uchida rushes to search for a good place. president: get ready as we’re leaving immediately. the meat is waiting. and then she leaves. screams of joy from the staff outside the room can be heard in the hallway. everyone’s going to eat yakiniku tonight lol. “the yakiniku is special.... “i heard...” aizou and yuujirou look at each other and stand up from their chairs. “yattaaaaaaa!!!!” they high-fived with big smiles on their faces. ~ the first day of the performance is a success. it’s even trending on sns. aizou goes to see the stage one more time before he heads home for the day. there’s still a few staff working but the lights on the audience’s seats were turned off; only the lights on stage were on. aizou sees the folding fan usually held by the director and smiles. he remembers their struggles he and yuujirou had to endure. but even so, the made it to this day. aizou sits by the stage and looks at the unoccupied audience seats. to him, it feels like he’s in a dream, like he’s really there in the another world. “the musical’s fun, isn’t it?” aizou says to yuujirou standing next to him. aizou’s facing the audience seats. aizou cant wait for tomorrow’s performance and heknows he wont be able to sleep tonight because of the excitement. he didnt feel the pressure and the anxiety he had before. aizou: everyone’s laughing quite a bit. there were people who cried too after it was over. yuujirou: aizou’s adlibs were also a hit. aizou, confidently: right? i’m an idol and entertainer, after all. yuujirou looks at him with eyes wide open. and then, yuujirou: what do you mean, who told you that? *laughs* aizou replies that it’s morita-san, the old man from the shop they frequent. morita, who came to see the butai, gave him a message saying ‘i was moved!’. FTIV will come in senshuuraku (performance on the last day). they sent congratulatory flowers though. and a large flower stand is displayed outside - from “flower shop hanayama” aizou: did your father and mother come? yuujirou: no. there’s a performance in kyoto so they went there. my little brother is there too. aizou: ah, i see. aizou’s thoughts: so you didn't even eat. i’m sure there’s a maid but if he comes home late from practice, he might be tired and not have an appetite. aizou: you said they’d be back by senshuuraku. so aren't they coming to see it then? yuujirou: it would be nice if my father comes too. aizou’s thoughts: yuujirou still wants to be recognized by his father. aizou: do you want your father to come and see you? aizou looks at yuujirou. aizou: am i wrong? yuujirou: who knows. i don't think it’s a good idea. yuujirou’s looking at the audience seats but lowers his gaze. aizou: it’s not good. you can pull your mother and bring her here. this is the premiere of your first stage play. it’s not kabuki but if they see the you right now, i’m sure they’ll reconsider.. because even the director, who was like a demon, was convinced. yuujirou, murmuring: it’s not that i want to go back there now...even if i go back, there wont be anything i can do.... aizou: i know. yuujirou: father is father and i cant do anything about it. i think he had no choice but to tell me to make me give up. aizou: did he not let you stand on the stage of kabuki at least once? yuujirou: there’s no way i can stand. my brother has been performing on stage since then. aizou’s thoughts: that too...is pretty terrible. if you don't want yuujirou to stand on stage why did you make him practice? it’s cruel to put expectations on children and just take them away. although these are thoughts of aizou, he also thought that since it’s the someya house, there must be complicated circumstances. so aizou listened silently. yuujirou: but...i was taken to a shrine and dedicated a dance there. i think it was for some kind of festival. my younger brother was supposed to perform, actually. but he let me do it. yuujirou: at that time, it was a cool shirabyoshi dance. my father taught me how to dance. i went up to the shrine’s hall, danced to the flute, and everyone who was watching me gave me a round of applause...but i was terribly sad. because i thought that was the end of it. he spoke indifferently, but a slightly bitter smile was on his face. yuujirou: but i also know that i was the best that my father could have done for me at that time. aizou only listens silently and slightly opens the folding fan that the director had forgotten. these were the circumstances but even so, it can be said that yuujirou’s victory now is because he never gave up and kept going. aizou, thinking: really, he’s stubborn.... aizou closes the folding fan and looks up at his partner. aizou: hey, that dance...you still remember it, right? yuujirou, turning his gaze to aizou: eh. yuujirou: maybe i already forgot. it’s been a long time...and i haven't done it since then. aizou: liar aizou smiles and throws the folding fan to yuujirou. catching it, yuujirou blinks in surprise. aizou: it’s a waste if you memorize it just once. that dance, try to dance it here. yuujirou, eyebrows raising in confusion: here? aizou: it’s fine, isnt it? i’m the only one here. aizou leaves the stage with a big smile. this is not the end. it will continue from here and onwards. our butai, and our stage. aizou: and you said you dont remember. yuujirou lets out a sigh as if to say he’s tired. he opens the folding fan once and then closes it with a snap. perhaps, it’s because he’s motivated, that when he raises his head, his expression has changed. aizou sits in the front row and watches yuujirou as he dances slowly with the fan in his hand. yuujirou said he doesn't remember, but there’s no hesitation in the movement of his feet or hands. see, yuujirou remembers it. there’s no way that he’ll forget the dance he learned once.

yuujirou squats with an open fan in his hand. when he stood up, he was turning around in a fluid motion. aizou’s sure that when yuujirou danced at the shrine, yuujirou danced with everything he got to the sound of the flute. aizou’s thoughts: y’know....you’re amazing.

with those words in his heart, aizou smiles slightly. “don't push!!” there’s a voice and then there’s a sound of something collapsing. when aizou and yuujirou looked in surprise, there’s the director, crushed by several staff members. apparently, they secretly watched yuujirou’s dance. uchida is probably there as well. yuujirou: what are you doing....? he asks in a cold voice and everyone stood up in panic. uchida, glasses slanted: i’m just here to pick up those two! director, arms crossed: i forgot my fan. i just came to retrieve it. he spoke pompously but he was averting his gaze. aizou, thinking: really, what are these people doing.... aizou stands up and walks up to the stage. when he and yuujirou went to where the sense’s were, female staff, her eyes twinkling: the dance just now is really beautiful! the other staff are also smiling and said, “i was able to see something good!!” yuujirou: thank you.... he replies curtly. aizou thinks yuujirou’s hiding his embarrassment. yuujirou closes the fan and gives it to the director. he apologizes for borrowing and using it for a bit. the director then declares powerfully: i think i’ll go with “Yoshitsune to Shizuka Gozen” for the next stage play. the staffs agree with a roar. and he declares that the main characters will be aizou and yuujirou LMAO. aizou and yuujirou: eh? *looks at each other* yuujirou: i’m okay with it. who’s going to play shizuka gozen (the female MC)? aizou: eh, you of course

director: the dance just now is like shizuka gozen’s.... aizou: see, sensei’s saying it too. aizou points his index finger at the director. yuujirou’s brows wrinkled. yuujirou: ha? i wont hand over the role of yoshitsune. aizou you do the role of shizuka gozen. i think you’d suit it very well. aizou: no matter who sees it, the role wont look good on me. for this play, i really trained my abs! yuujirou: your abs don't matter. no one will see them anyway! aizou: it should be the right person on the right role! yuujirou: well...aizou might look better as benkei (the warrior) rather than shizuka gozen. yuujirou puts his hand to his mouth and chuckles. aizou: benkei, huh....well, if it’s that role, i can still make do with it. aizou feels like if it’s the benkei role, then it’s better than shizuka gozen. for his abs wont go to waste. (aizouuuu stop with the abs ww) director, all serious: yoshitsune and benkei...that’s fine as well! it’s decided! the next play will be ‘Yoshitsune and Benkei’ 

he raises his fist and proclaims. and announces the roles will be for yuujirou and aizou. and again, he pats yuujirou and aizou on the shoulders. the staffs around them applauded in agreement. uchida: if it’s a job offer, you should go through me, the manager, first! director, fidgeting: we’ll talk about that properly later. aizou’s thoughts: uchida-san, so strong....or should i say, reliable...? aizou smiles wryly. their next stage- even though the first day of their first play has ended, aizou already wants to run towards their next one. he wants to open more possibilities for himself and yuujirou. aizou’s thoughts: i want to try and challenge different things. do not let the dream you once had end as a dream. turn it into reality. the power to do so is already within you. that is why, do not be afraid and continue on. be it in a storm or a steep mountain. for if you do not stop walking, you will eventually reach the world of "hope" you dream of. until then. aizou, who’s looking at the audience seats, turns to his partner standing next to him. yuujirou looked at him almost at the same time. their eyes met. aizou’s thoughts: we are thinking the same thing, aren’t we. and feeling like that, together, aizou and yuujirou burst out laughing.

-----

EPILOGUE

morning of senshuuraku. aizou sees his brother in the kitchen. ken is wearing aizou’s favorite jacket, jacket aizou bought on a whim. ken places a mug in front of aizou. ken picks up kuro and puts him on his shoulder. aizou asks him if ken is coming to his butai. he left 2 tickets on the table the other day. he noticed they were gone when he woke up in the morning. ken confirms to aizou whether today’s the last day of his butai. he also mentions arisa wanted to go and teasingly says to aizou that they may go see it. aizou stares at the cup..and after a few moments, he says to ken that he’s thinking of leaving the house and live alone someday. even though they’re in the same house, it feels like they’re living separately anyway. he’d consulted uchida already and asked her to look for affordable properties. aizou doesn't see his brother that often, and he rarely speak to him too. so he concludes this is the best time to tell ken. ken replies with his usual light tone, “isn't that alright.” aizou admits that he hasn't decided when it will be yet, but he asks ken if he could take kuro with him. ken: ah. i’m ok with it.... *pets kuro* ah, on second thought, i won’t allow it. aizou’s surprised. he thought ken wouldn't refuse lol. aizou: eh, why? i’m the one taking care of him the most anyway.... ken: if you bring kuro with you, then he wont come back here in the house.

(i think he’s also saying aizou won’t come back as well?)

aizou narrows his eyes. ken takes kuro off his shoulder and handed the cat to aizou. ken: but if kuro’s here...

i think ken is referring to aizou but he phrases it like it’s also kuro who’ll worry and come back here in the house. aizou hugs kuro but the cat tries to wriggle away from his arms as if kuro prefers ken. aizou didnt know how to answer ken. he looks at his brother, confused. ken tells aizou he’s gonna meet arisa now for a date and leaves. but before leaving he says to aizou that he’s gonna borrow his clothes. aizou, hugging kuro tightly: but you’re already wearing it.... aizou admits that even if he takes kuro with him, he’s sure the cat will come back to this house. the place to return, the reason to come back, are left in this house.

for the sake of this ���me”. “you” have always tried to stay with the family. aizou puts on his sneakers, and the sports bag on his shoulder. he turns off the light inside the house. aizou, louder than usual: i’m off! he opens the front door, closes and locks it. he puts the key into his pocket and stepped out. outside, the skies are blue and the sun’s shining brightly. aizou: come on then, let’s go- ~ when yuujirou leaves the front door of their house, his mother came out to see him off. tae-san: i’ll definitely come and see your stage, together with your father. yuujirou: okay. tae: say hello to aizou-kun for me yuujirou: yeah....ok.... tae, noticing his vague reply and scolding him: you have to get along. yuujirou: i know. then, i’ll go now. when he’s about to leave, his mother stops him. tae: ah, wait. she takes out a hiuchi stone and strikes it. yuujirou’s slightly surprised and looks at his mother. tae: because i’ve also done this when your father and koichirou perform too. it is a gift bearing the wish that the butai performance will end safely. tae, seemingly about to cry, smiles happily at his son. to yuujirou, who until now, couldn’t stand on the stage. yuujirou: thank you, mother. tae: take care. i wish you the best. yuujirou: yes...i’ll be going now. yuujirou slings the bag over his shoulder and walks, looking straight ahead. yuujirou’s thoughts: now then, let’s go- aizou and yuujirou’s thoughts: towards the world that awaits us. ~ LOVE&KISS AU It is still a bit dark but the skies are beginning to turn white. Statues of the two heroes stood at the plaza. aizou, with a dissatisfied look: the princess said she would give us the horses but why did you refuse it? it’s easier with horses. he had his arms crossed. yuujirou: wouldn't it be better if you just took your horse? i don't need mine. aizou: if we travel together, it can’t be helped but to ride a horse. yuujirou: i did not say i’d travel together with anyone. why are you deciding on your own? they were allowed to stay in the castle for about 2 weeks, but since the wound on yuujirou’s leg was about to heal now, yuujirou decided it’s time to leave. he told this to the princess and the royal sister. but not to aizou. nevertheless, when he packed up and left this morning, aizou’s waiting for him, already wearing his travel clothes. apparently, after hearing from the princess and the royal sister that yuujirou will be leaving, aizou decided to leave too. aizou could’ve traveled anytime because he wasn't injured. but even so, it seems he spend his time leisurely in the castle because he was waiting for yuujirou to recover. perhaps, it’s because he’s worried about yuujirou’s wounds. how meddlesome, this guy. no one asked him to. yuujirou wants to quicken his pace but he couldn't do so, because the pain from the wound is still there. he glares sideways at aizou as if saying, ‘dont follow me’. aizou, with his arms folded behind his head, turns his head to the side as if he didn't want to listen to what other have to say. yuujirou’s brows furrowed even further. he’s even more irritated now. aizou: come to think of it.....did you remember? he’s referring to the forgotten memories of the past. they were looking for the wish-granting jewel to regain their memories. yuujirou: ....no....how about you? they walk toward the town’s gates. aizou: as i thought, there’s no way it’d be that easy for our wish to come true. he takes his own stone from his pocket and rolls it lightly in his hands, smiling. during their stay in the castle, yuujirou tried to make a wish several times, but the stone did not show any reaction except giving off a faint glow. he asked the princess for access to the castle library, but no matter what method yuujirou tried, the results were the same. he did not regain his lost memories. yuujirou takes out the stone from his pocket. is there a special method to make his wish come true or is it really just a stone. he isnt that disappointed though, strangely enough. aizou: wont it make some money if we sell it? it’s an unusual and rare stone anyway. are you going to sell it? we’ve encountered hardships to obtain it. yuujirou: there’s no point in having it if it’s just a stone. well, it might turn out to be an amulet or a charm. their wish might come true someday if they have the stone. in the tales, it wasn't written that a wish would come true instantly. aizou: well for now, let’s look for other ways. i might be able to remember it anytime soon. like when i accidentally fall down. yuujirou looks astonished at aizou who’s smiling. yuujirou: if that’s how to remember it, i think we’ve already remembered a long time ago. aizou: you won’t know, right. a fortune teller once told me that a shock can restore one’s memory. yuujirou: if you think so, then try hitting your head against that tree. on your own. aizou: i’ve already tried that, but it didn’t work. (LJALFSJSLFJA AIZOUUUUU) yuujirou’s thoughts: what foolishness this guy has.... yuujirou: *sighs* he then looks at aizou. yuujirou: then why are you following me. go your own way. aizou: we have the same goal. wouldn’t it make more sense to go together? aizou throws the stone lightly and catches it on his hand repeatedly. aizou: even i am reluctant (to be alone) yuujirou: where’s the logic in that? aizou: because i was with you, i was able to survive the snowy mountains, i was able to defeat the dragon, and i obtained the stone. i don’t know what the stone’s useful for but it’s a mysterious one. yuujirou: omae to issho ni iru to, roku na koto ga nai (nothing good happens when i am with you; his signature line lmao) aizou: that again. he frowns as if tired to hear it. aizou: i will not accept complaints and displeasure anymore! yuujirou: i won’t listen to your nagging! yuujirou covers his ears with his hands. the entrance gates of the town can already be seen. the daughter of the innkeeper where the two had stayed before, waves her hand and calls them, “heroes of journey!”. aizou and yuujirou look back. girl: thank you for saving the princess!! i wish you well in your journey to come!! she threw red apples at them. they caught those and looked at each other. they forgot their argument a while ago and smile at each other. yuujirou POV:

i still have not found the “answer” i was looking for. but perhaps, if it’s with someone who travels the same path as me, someday i will be able to. yes, someday. perhaps we’ll find it. the two wave their arms and head forward, walking straight to the other side of the gates enveloped in the rays of the morning sun. ~ when one story ends, a new one begins. the regrets of the past, the fate that ties oneself. leave behind all the doubts, anxieties, and fears about the future. what someone once dreamed of is waiting beyond the door, towards a world that shines so brilliantly. along with daybreak, let us go and move onward. as long as we continue believing, proceed ahead.

for “hope” will continue to exist.

~

END

[the-march-hair]

19 and 22 for the book asks :D

19. Did you use your library?

Very much yes. Both online and in person. Browsing the library catalogue and making lists is one of my favourite things to do. "Here's all the books I can get for free!!"

I use the library to take reading risks, either outside genre, or a story in genre that I'm not sure I'm going to like. Or just cos I don't have enough cash for books atm and want to read. Also for audiobooks. Because they're expensive and when I'm working I can zip through those. Libraries are great.

Some fab things I read from the library that I wouldn't have tried otherwise.

The Martian - ANDY WEIR

Darius the Great is Not OK - ADIB KHORRAM

Foundation ISAAC ASIMOV

22. What’s the longest book you read?

Possibly... To Sleep in a Sea of Stars - Christopher Paolini. I listened to the audiobook which was 32 hours long while I was working, google says the book is 880 pages.

I also (re) read 6 Robin Hobb books in the same world, and they're pretty big individually.

For the book asks

[marriedtolike18fictionalmen]

Our Infinity of Stars (pt. 8)

Hope you're ready for the next one, it's Abt to go down

Four months had passed since that day. Much had stayed the same, with the new addition, of course, of Alira and her family in our lives, as well as Neteyam and I sneaking around. We had shifted our mauris around, now ‘Rina and Ateyo were in the same one, next to them was Ateyo and ‘Rina, then came Neytiri and Jake’s, then Tuk’s, Neteyam, Mine, Adib and now Alira’s mauri, then Lo’ak, and finally Kiri.

It was long past eclipse, and I was in a deep sleep. Something woke me, and I opened my eyes to see neteyam’s silhouette near the entrance of my mauri. “Darling? What are you doing? It’s late.”

Neteyam’s light steps neared me, and he slid into the hammock beside me, burying his face in my neck. 

Immediately I wrapped myself around him, brow furrowed. “What happened?”

Neteyam just shook his head. I pulled back and pushed the braids from his face. “You can tell me, I won’t mention it after this conversation. Promise.” I held out my last finger and he reached up and entwined his own with it. 

He wrapped his arms around my waist, and I rested my chin on his head. “Lo’ak was being dumb again. He got caught sneaking back in his tent just now, but wouldn’t tell anyone where he was, or who he was with.” I nodded, brushing my fingers on his back. “Of course I got all the blame for it. ‘Neteyam, why don’t you know anything about this?’ ‘Neteyam, you should have gone with him.’ For fuck’s sake, do they want me to handcuff him to me 24/7?”

I leaned down and pressed my lips to his. One of his hands came to caress my neck. I pulled away after a moment. “I’m sorry my darling. Lo’ak needs to grow up at this point, he’s not a child anymore, he can take accountability for his own actions. It’s not fair to you or to him that you always take the blame for him, and your parents need to realize that.” His fingers tapped on my hip twice as a silent thanks, and I cradled his head closer to my chest.

“Can I just stay here tonight? Wanna be near you.” Neteyam mumbled against my neck.

I only pulled him closer, pressing myself against him and smiling as his scent filled my senses before I drifted off once again.

~ᐧ~

The next morning, as first light drifted through the gaps in the fabric, I awoke to Neteyam getting up. “I’m sorry, princess. Did I wake you?” he asked with a frown.

“No, no. I always wake up early.” Neteyam pressed a soft kiss against my lips, and I sighed as he pulled away. “I kinda want you to just stay for a minute. What if I came to your mauri and we could say I had a nightmare from the war and you helped me out?” I could see as Neteyam’s defenses disintegrated, and he held out a hand for me to take. 

“C’mon, ma tex’lan.” His hand enveloped mine, and with soft steps padded next door to his mauri. I lay down on top of him, out chests pressed together and he wrapped his arms around me to keep me close as we slept.

“Neteyam, have you seen ‘Rin- oh shit.” I heard Lo’ak’s voice as I awoke again, and smirked as he dashed the other direction.

“Does that count as him figuring it out?” I whispered to Neteyam, not opening my eyes. I melted as his chuckle rumbled through his chest.

“No, he didn’t truly figure it out. I think. Maybe?” I laughed at the utter confusion in his voice, “Whatever. If he did, then  neither of us will have won the bet.”

I nuzzled into his chest, and placed a soft kiss on his neck. “I’m surprised your mother didn’t notice anything.”

He agreed. “Speaking of mothers, I need to go talk to yours. Nothin’ important, just wanted to get to know her better.” I nodded, and we got up. “I’ll see you later. Think there’s a gathering at the spot later.”

We promised to meet each other there, and parted ways. Neteyam went towards the beach where my mother looked after and taught the children, and I to the tsahik’s tent to help out and learn.

~ᐧ~

Later that night, I walked down to the beach with Kiri, ‘Rina, Lo’ak, and Ateyo. “I wonder where Neteyam got held up.” Kiri commented as we walked. 

“I don’t know. Maybe getting something to drink? He mentioned having some of the good Omatikayan stuff he grabbed before you guys left.” I smiled at the thought of Neteyam stealing it as his father wasn’t looking.

Lo’ak sauntered to my side. “What was that this morning. Y’all looked very comfy.”

“I had a really bad nightmare. About the war and my dad, i’ll spare you the details. It was bad though, and Neteyam caught me sitting outside and offered to let me hang out with him for a bit until I felt better, and we decided to have a sleepover. For old time’s sake.” I explained, the lie slipping effortlessly off my tongue. 

Lo’ak nodded. “You guys have been spending most of your time together, what’s that about?”

I narrowed my eyes. “WHat’s up with the interrogation? I think somebody’s jealous.” Lo’ak immediately backed off, and I laughed. “It’s not that deep. Ralak’s just been weird lately, and the boys don’t want me alone. Adib's been busy with Alira lately, not that I blame you bro, I’d spend all my time with her if she was my fiance too, so Neteyam has been sticking close by until that whole thing dies down.”

Lo’ak nodded, backing off as Neteyam ran up to us. “Sorry I’m late.” He held up two bottles of a drink. “I brought the good stuff!

I smiled up at him, grabbing one of the bottles. “I’ll be keeping this safe for you.” He tried to grab it, but I kept it out of reach, and he eventually gave up. Alira met us at the spot, and everyone sat down around the fire that had been made.

We had at some point began telling stories, and Roxto was telling about a legend of a creature that lurks in the deep and takes lone swimmers to the depths. I looked across as Neteyam, and found his face completely blank. He looked angry to anyone who didn’t know the familiar flick of his tail on his thigh meant that he was completely engrossed in what he was paying attention to.

The group slowly got smaller, and Neteyam too got up. He paused next to me, “I’ll walk you home.”

I stood, saying goodbye to everyone as we walked away. “Wanna go for a swim? I didn’t see you drink much and I didn’t drink much either. We should be good I think.” I asked him as we passed by the ilus on our way. 

He shrugged and nodded, and I hopped onto an ilu, Neteyam wrapping one arm around my waist and the other resting on my thigh.

[satanicdollx]

🍄💻🏡

🍄: Write a short essay about your thoughts and opinions on mushrooms. fuck no i won't I wrote enough essays when I was a student lmao but i love mushrooms (NO I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT DRUGS) also they so cute but some of them are deadly which is what i'm aspiring to be tbh.

💻: To feel nostalgic; what are some old games/websites you spent lots of time on when you were young? Believe it or not i didn't really play video games when i was a kid i didn't have any console 😅 I loved the Harry Potters games tho (fuck JK Rowling), especially the third one; and idk if Adibou is a thing outside or France but this was a classic too. As for websites only French people will know about the one and only Skyblog (it was like Myspace but make it French and more cringe) 🥲

🏡: You can make it as crazy and silly as possible; what would be some must-have features of your ideal dream house? i need my dream kitchen. Idc about the rest just gimme the damn dream kitchen. (that's a lie i'd like a room dedicated to music and gaming stuff + a huge balcony + a cat parkour thingie).

autumn emoji ask

[i-revolve-around-you]

I think it's about time I wrote a proper introduction post

Hey y'all, welcome to my blog! I'm a tumblr veteran but decided to start over on a new account recently. Why? Your guess is as good as mine.

🎵 the basics 🎵

nick ~ 28 ~ he/him ~ bi ~ white author ~ musician ~ gamer ~ nerd multi-fandom/shitposting this blog will be (mostly) SFW, but i still would rather not have minors following me. i just prefer interacting with adults, sorry. it's not personal. my likes, however, will be N/SFW, so be warned

my messages and ask box are always open! feel free to hit me up!

more info (including other links, and a list of fandoms/things i like) under the cut

tags: my ramblings | my face

🤩 a bit more about me 🤩

heya! the name's nick. i've been on tumblr since like...2011 or so? i was really big into it in my college years (2012-2017) but after The Great Tumblr Porn Ban of 2017 I've sorta been drifting in an out. When The Great Twitter Debacle of 2022 happened, I decided to migrate back on a new account so I could start fresh.

this account was immediately suspended because of my side-blog. which was a bit too unsafe for work for tumblr's guidelines ig 🙄 not mentioning that they had just recently updated their policy and everything i was posting was PERFECTLY FINE under them but w/e

so i started another one lmao and that's the one that you're looking at right now! my other account has since been restored but at that point I was already situated over here so like. whatever i guess. lol

i'm currently 28, and bisexual. semi-recently out of the closed as bi, actually. for years i identified as gay, but over time i started realizing "actually...i do kinda like girls?" i still identified as "gay" cuz it was easier than saying "so like i'm bi-sexual but mostly homo-romantic but also maybe potentially demi-sexual but only when it comes to real people?" then around 2020 it just kinda clicked with me, and the label of "bisexual" just felt right

anywho you didn't come here for my full life story. here's just a little bit more about me:

i'm a total nerd. i love video games, playing Yugioh, DND (just starting to get into that one), etc. i'm a writer. i've written several fanfics (some of which i'm really proud of, some of which i'm...less), and have a goal of one day publishing a novel (my main genre is YA contemporary with queer themes and characters). i'm a musician. i actually got my bachelor's degree in music (BA in Music). my main instrument is drums/percussion, but i'm learning a bit of guitar and can play a little bit of piano. i'm also a composer/songwriter, though haven't been writing as much these days. if i write anything cool i'll be sure to post it here!

🎭 the artist formerly known as 🎭

previous account: @excuuuseme-princess other previous urls: musicdork, sincerely-whelmed, futuremehatesme, @nickplayswhat, @spearfeld, among others, probably

🔍 other places to find me 🔎

tumblr sideblog (N/SFW, seriously be warned): @fadingfast1 twitter: @libromancerfire n/sfw twitter (again...be warned): @whatifitspriv tiktok: @libromancer_fireburst ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkjaden825698

⚔ fandoms/things i like ⚔

Books 📚

Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli

Orphan X series by Gregg Hurwitz

Darius the Great is Not Okay / Darius the Great Deserves Better by Adib Khorram

TV shows 📺

Arrowverse (especially Legend of Tomorrow [r.i.p. 😢])

Doctor Who

Travelers

Manifest

Movies 📽

Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse

Love, Simon

Cartoons/Anime 🍞

Yu-Gi-Oh! (DM, GX, 5Ds, ZeXal, Arc-V, currently watching VRAINS and Sevens, have yet to start Go-Rush)

Code Lyoko*

Video Games 🎮

Resident Evil (played all mainline games, some spinoffs, faves are RE2make, Village, and Revelations 2, Ethan Winters is my husband)

Horizon (Zero Dawn, Forbidden West)

Persona (mostly 3 and 5, still need to finish 4, but Kanji is bae)

Fire Emblem (have played all except FE1, 2, 3, and about halfway through 5 but keep losing interest, Engage was FANTASTIC, but Ike is my favorite character)

Zero Escape (999, VLR, ZTD, Sigma Klim is my husband)

Life is Strange (particularly LiS2, but I love them all)

The Legend of Zelda

Golden Sun*

Music Artists 🎼

Paramore

Neck Deep

The Wonder Years*

Other

Yu-Gi-Oh! TCG

*fandoms/media I was once very involved in, but not as much anymore, still enjoy though fandoms/media i consider to be some of my faves/am very active in will (try and remember to) update as new things become relevant to me lmfaoo

[bobigleux]

Thanks @historicallyinaccuratejomarch !

1. Three ships

I don't really ship characters now but Percy and Annabeth will always have a little place in my heart. Same for Neil and Andrew (the ripple effect of reading this trilogy at a particular moment in my life is that it's always somewhere in my mind). Third one would be the two characters I created in middle school and constantly put in horrible situations in my head and in my word document. They've suffered enough, they deserve a happy ending together.

2. Last song you listened to

The Chain by Fleetwood Mac (AO3's version) (the last one on spotify is Take Off Ur Pants by Indigo De Souza)

3. Last movie you watched

I went to see L'immensità with some friends and it was beautiful, I really loved it.

4. Currently reading

You got me between two books so you'll get two : i just finished buddy reading Kiss&Tell by Adib Khorram and it was good but too unbalanced too be a great read. But I had fun reading with my friend :) And now I'm gonna start August Kitko and the Mechas from Space by Alex White, which seems to ask the question "what if Transformers was a literal space opera ?" so. Crossing my fingers for it to be as fun as it sounds.

5. Currently watching

Nothing. Well, I need to catch up on Mob Psycho 100 season 3 but also I don't want it to end so I'm probably gonna procrastinate watching it for a while.

6. Currently consuming

Yarn. I just started crocheting and it's really fun. Also made me discover people are really optimistic about my (very) new hobby because 2 of the 3 people I told already asked me to make them a sweater.

7. Currently craving

An english breakfast

Tagging anyone who wants to do it, I'm noisy so I like learning random things about people :) (@sous-le-signe-de-la-lune mandatory for u sorry)