#aside from one thursday instagram post that has a few seconds of him

[atlafan]

a/n: A couple of weeks ago I saw a post about ex’s to lovers, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. So basically it’s a story about two people who ended things on a semi-good note, like nothing inherently bad happened between them, but they decided to break up. Sometimes people find their way back to each other, though. That’s what we have here. Harry is a tax attorney, a few years older than our MC, Blair Smith, who teaches jazzercise. (not proofread) PLEASE REBLOG IF YOU READ THIS AND LIKE IT, YALL WANTED ME TO KEEP POSTING FICS ON HERE, SO HERE YOU GO! PLEASE, IT TAKES TWO SECONDS! Check out my patreon for other excursive content.

Warnings: angst, fluff, smut (sub!Harry????), mentions of death, a funeral

Words: 17.8K

Pairing: Harry x OC (Blair Smith)

When Blair Smith became a Physical Education major in college, she never thought that would lead her to leasing a dance studio, and teaching jazzercise. It took her until she was twenty-five to really get it all together. She wasn’t mad about it, she actually enjoyed it more than she thought. She double minored in Dance and in Business Administration, she had never been so thankful to have overloaded herself in her life. She thought she would be teaching gym at the high school level, along with some health and nutrition classes, but when she did her practicum semester at a local high school near her college, she realized that working with younger students was not for her. None of them listened, none of them really wanted to be there, aside from the gym-class-heroes, and she couldn’t stand that the majority wouldn’t even change their clothes for class.

Blair wanted to make her own rules. Luckily, after presenting a well-thought-out business plan to her parents, she was able to get them to co-sign for a loan from the bank to lease a dance studio. She named her studio Just Dance because she offered different types and levels of jazzercise. Some involved use of weights, some involved a little more high intensity, and some involved a little yoga. She was grateful for the couple of marketing classes she took because she was able to really build her brand. She had an Instagram, Facebook Page, and a website. She had an online way to sign up for memberships, and she had daily drop-in prices.

It was easier than she thought to build her clientele. She had a great spot in the city, and there was a small parking lot out back behind the building. Most of her friends from school signed up, and helped her advertise. It was open to men and women, as opposed to a lot of jazzercise places that only offered classes to women. Even though Blair couldn’t afford to hire a second instructor, she was managing things just fine. She offered two early morning sessions, one lunch hour session, and three evening sessions. So, she had plenty of time to relax, stretch, and not over work her muscles. She was strategic about class offerings as well. She gave herself Sundays and Fridays off, since those seemed to be the days with the least amount of people signed up. Monday through Thursday, and Saturday, she made sure to stagger her lessons. For example, Mondays and Wednesdays were weights and yoga infused classes, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays were the high intensity days. Going into her fourth year doing this, she had it down to a science to say the least.

Business was always really good in January and February, when people were making their New Year’s resolutions, and during the summer months when people were trying to feel better about being in their bathing suits. Blair always preached positivity and inner health as the most important things. It was an inclusive space, which is exactly what she wanted it to be.

She liked working for herself. If she needed to run errands between classes, she could. If she wanted to take a nap in the middle of the day, she could. She didn’t have to answer to a single person. Her parents would sometimes ask questions, but mostly just to make sure Blair was making her loan payments on time. She had automatic withdrawals set up with the bank, so she didn’t even need to think about it. Yup, Blair had just about everything figured out, and she knew she was very lucky for that.

//

“Don’t worry, Mrs. Sullivan, we’ll get everything figured out for your son. Yes, he’s in very good hands with me. Alright, have a nice evening.” Harry hangs up his phone and sighs, rubbing at his temples to soothe the oncoming headache he could feel. It was another complicated trust fund case, but that was the job.

The Law Office of Styles and Associates was a tax attorney office. Harry specialized in cases that dealt with trusts, gifts, and various tax planning structures to reduce the burdens of income taxes and estate taxes, and he assisted in devising investment strategies. His undergraduate degree was in accounting, and he minored in pre-law. After that, he went to law school for three years and passed the bar. His father had been a tax attorney as well. Harry liked living the comfortable life he was able to live growing up thanks to his father, and he wanted the same for himself. Plus, he just enjoyed crunching numbers for people, so it was a win-win. Making nearly $150K a year wasn’t too shabby either.

“Hey, H, you ready to go?” John comes into Harry’s office.

“Yeah, just finished up for the day.” Harry stands up, puts his suit jacket back on, grabs his brief case, and heads out. “Kate, feel free to head home, I’m done for the day.” He tells his secretary on his way out.

“Thank you, Mr. Styles, have a nice weekend.” She smiles at him.

“Same to you.” He nods and keeps walking with John. “I feel terrible, she’s pregnant, you know? Her feet are the size of melons by the end of the day.”

“When’s her maternity leave start?” John asks as they enter the elevator.

“Not for a while, she’s only seven months along. She’s been trying to train some college intern to take her place while she’s gone, but no one’s as good as Kate.” Harry rolls her eyes. “Oh well, I’m happy for her. Her and husband have been trying to get pregnant for a while.”

Harry and John make their way to a bar downtown, one of their usual Friday evening spots. They usually met up with some of their other law-school buddies. It was also a great way to blow off steam from the week. Sometimes Harry would end up pulling a 60-hour week, so he thought he deserved to cut loose, and have a little fun with his friends. Maybe meet a pretty girl he could take back to her place and have a whole different kind of fun with her. Harry was a phenomenal attorney, but when it came to his personal life, well, if you looked up the definition of a playboy, his picture would be there. He fucked around, a lot, without a second thought. Actually, his only thought was to make sure he always had a condom. Harry never went bare back. The last thing he needed was someone claiming he was the father of their child, and suing him for child support. The only time he didn’t use a condom was when he was in a legitimate relationship a couple of years back.

He thought about her from time to time. He never met another girl like her, and there were times he really did miss her. The breakup wasn’t anything dramatic, the pair had just grown apart. Harry was in the process of taking over the practice for his father, and she…wasn’t quite ready to settle down. She wanted to work on her own career and make a name for herself. It hurt that she didn’t see him in her vision for the future, but he understood where she was coming from. She was a few years younger than him, and he didn’t want her to resent him for taking away her time to be young and have fun. So they ended it. Since her, he decided to have some fun himself with his friends.

//

Blair got the call right before her second morning class on Wednesday morning. She nearly collapsed on the floor in tears. Everyone rushed over to her. She had to cancel everything for the rest of the week, and her clients were more than understanding.

“How did it happen?” She asks her mother, Pam.

“He had a stroke, and…god, he just didn’t bounce back.” Pam uses a hankie to wipe her tears. “Most of everything should be all set, he was very specific, but…we’re going to need an attorney. Your father’s biggest fear is that his first wife would claim that she has a right to his pension, that she was promised money or something.”

“God, I hate her.” Blair grimaces. “All she’s ever cared about is making him miserable. She just wants money for her son. He’s not even Dad’s!”

“That’s why they got divorced! She cheated on him with his best friend and got knocked up. You can see how sticky this is going to get. I hate to ask, but…”

“I’ll go see him.” Blair sighs.

“I just think he might sympathize, maybe work the case pro bono. I’m not sure we could afford him otherwise.”

“Don’t worry about it, Mum, I’ll talk to him and figure it out. I’m not going to let Lora fuck everything up for you.”

//

Kate nearly choked on her water when she saw Blair walking towards her. She knew Harry had a meeting with a B. Smith. She should have known better.

“B-Blair, hi.” Kate says.

“Kate! Oh my goodness, you look incredible! You and Roger finally-“

“Yeah! I’m due in a couple more months.”

“That’s amazing, I’m so happy for you.” Blair smiles. “Um, I think I set up a meeting through an intern?”

“Yes.” Kate sighs. “I’m training her for when I go on maternity leave. Um, may I ask why you’re here to see Harry?”

“It’s strictly business. My…my father recently passed, and-“

“I’m so sorry.” Kate frowns. “He was always so nice.”

“Yeah, he was a good guy. Anyways, there’s a lot going on with his will and a trust he set up for my mom. Harry’s the only person I could think of when my mom said we’d need an attorney.”

“Of course.” Kate nods. “I’ll let him know you’re here.” Kate knocks on Harry’s door and opens it. “Mr. Styles?”

“Yes?”

“Your 2PM is here.”

“Ah, great.” Harry squints at his screen to check his calendar. “B. Smith? Why does that sound familiar?” He puckers his lips in thought.

“Um…it’s Blair.”

“Blair!” Harry stands up and bangs his knee in the process. “Why didn’t you tell me she was coming?!”

“I didn’t know! Maura answered when she called to set up the appointment.”

“Fuck.” Harry runs a hand through his hair. “How do I look? Is there anything in my teeth?”

“No, you’re fine. Just relax, I’m going to send her in.” Kate leaves his office and smiles at Blair. “He’s ready for you.”

“Thank you, Kate. We should catch up before the baby comes.”

“I’d like that. I miss going to your classes.”

Blair nods and goes into Harry’s office, closing the door behind her.

“Hi, Harry.”

“Hi.” He walks over to her, leaving about a foot of space between them. “To what do I owe the pleasure of seeing you?” Her bottom lip trembles, and his smile fades. “What’s wrong?” He asks softly.

“M…my Dad died.” She says, tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Oh, sweetheart.” He pulls her in for a hug so he can comfort her. “When’s the funeral? You know you could have just called me, you didn’t have to be so formal.”

“Actually, I did.” She sniffles and steps back from him. “I need an attorney, my mom and I do…only…we can’t really afford a good one.”

“Oh.” Harry nods. “Have a seat.” He gestures, and rounds his desk to sit back down in his own seat. “Is this about his ex-wife?”

“Unfortunately.” Blair rolls her eyes, and grabs a tissue off his desk. “My mom is scared she’s going to pull some fake paternity crap with her son, even though everyone knows he’s not my Dad’s. I think my mom just wants to be prepared for the inevitable shit storm Lora’s going to bring.”

“I don’t blame her.” Harry sighs and leans back in his chair. “I…haven’t taken a pro bono case yet this year. I could help that way.”

“Only if you really want to. I’m not asking for a handout, but I don’t trust anyone else to take care of me.” Blair blinks when she realizes what she’s said. “Us, I don’t trust anyone else to take care of us.”

“Right.” He leans forward. “I’d be happy to do it. Um, does your mom want to meet with me, or-“

“I think she’s sort of hoping I’ll take care of all the legal stuff. She’s grieving, you know?”

“So are you.” He frowns.

“You know me, I like to keep busy during these sorts of things. I can get a copy of the will, and the trust information over to you via email if that works, and then we can go from there?”

“Sure, yeah. My email’s still the same, um, and so is my phone number…”

“I still have your phone number.” She rolls her eyes.

“Then why didn’t you call me about this first? Why call and make an appointment?”

“I…I thought if I called…you’d think I was calling for something else.” She blushes. “I wanted you to know it was strictly business.”

“Blair, all you had to say was that your dad died. I could have been there for you. You live alone, all you do is work…your best friend is my cousin…do you and Riley even still talk?”

“Of course we do! Just because we broke up doesn’t mean that she and I did. I met you because of her, I was her friend first. It would be really shitty to stop talking to her because it didn’t work out with you.”

“Okay, Christ, calm down.” He shakes his head. “You’re as hot headed as ever, you know that?”

“I’m sorry, my father just died and I’m trying to keep it together!” Her eyes rim with tears again. “He’s never going to be able to walk down the aisle when I get married, he’s never going to meet his grandchildren, there are so many things…he was too young.” She sniffles.

“How did it happen?”

“He had a stroke, and didn’t recover.” She looks away.

“I’m so sorry.”

“I appreciate that, but that’s not going to being him back, so don’t be sorry. Just…help me with this.”

“I will, there’s no question about it.”

“Thank you, Harry.” She stands up. “I’ll email you.”

“Blair.” Harry stands up. “Look, if you need anything else, don’t be afraid to ask. If you need a friend…I’m here for you.”

“I have plenty of friends.” She sighs. “And no offense, but my friends don’t fuck a ton of women weekend after weekend and treat them like shit.” She smirks.

“I don’t do that.” His face flushes. “I just haven’t met someone I’ve really wanted to continue seeing, that’s all.”

“Harry.” Blair shakes her head as she chuckles. “Not that I ask, but Riley’s told me a few things. You two are close, and when she gets drunk she loves regaling me of your many escapades.”

“I’ll have to send her a very strongly worded text after you leave.” He rolls his eyes.

“Don’t get mad at her, it’s fine. I don’t really care.”

“You don’t?”

“No, why would I? It’s not me you’re fucking, so it doesn’t concern me.” She shrugs. “That’s the beauty of breaking up, Har, I don’t give a shit where you stick your dick at night.”

“Well, obviously you do if you won’t even let me be a friend to you, Blair.”

“I just…I don’t want us getting close again, alright? It’ll hurt when we end up parting way, and I don’t wanna go through that while also grieving my Dad. Can you understand that?”

“Yeah.” He nods. “Don’t worry, we’ll get this all sorted out.” He smiles at her.

“Thank you. I need to go. I told my mom I’d be over to help her pack some things up. She sort of just wants to rip the band aid and put his clothes away.”

“If you need any help at all with any heavy lifting, call me.”

“Harry.” Blair sighs.

“I’ve got that nice SUV, I can help move stuff, that’s all I’m saying.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. I’ll talk to you soon.” She says, and out the door she goes. Kate waits a moment before coming into Harry’s office.

“Scotch?” Kate asks.

“Scotch.” Harry nods, and Kate goes over to his credenza to take out his good crystal and liquor to pour him a small glass.

“You’ll get through this.” She lifts her water bottle to cheers with him, and he downs the brown liquid.

//

Blair was back at work the following week. She needed the distraction. Lora had been eerily quiet. Maybe she didn’t know that Blair’s father passed, but as soon as the obituary hit the papers, she was sure that witch would be out and about to cause some trouble. At the end of Blair’s last Thursday class, she heard the sound of dress shoes on the hard wood. She turns to see Harry.

“You know there’s not supposed to be outside shoes in here. I just mopped.” She puts her hands on her hips and huffs at him.

“Yeah, I’m well aware of the rules. I used to be your best customer, remember?” He smirks. “Anyways, I looked over all the documents, I thought you might like to go over everything with me before the funeral, in case she shows up to cause trouble, you’ll have all the facts.”

“I need to, like, go home and shower…today was an intensive day, I’m soaked.”

“Perfect, I’ve got dinner in the car. We can go there, eat, and go over the documents.” He smiles.

“You’re such a weasel.” She chuckles. “But I’m too tired to argue with you. What did you pick up to eat?” She raises an eyebrow at him.

“Nothing special.” He shrugs. “Just some dumpling curry from that Thai place we both like.”

“I take it back you’re not a weasel, you’re the devil.”

Harry drives over to Blair’s apartment. He didn’t have a key anymore so he had to wait for her. He follows her up to her apartment, and makes himself at home while she goes to take a shower. She hadn’t changed much, but he definitely noticed some different pictures on her bookshelves. They used to be littered with framed photos of them, and she had a ton of scrapbooks for the two of them, but those seemed to be missing now as well. He sighs while he plates up the food for the both of them, and opens up a bottle of wine while he waits. Blair comes out about ten minutes later with her hair wrapped up in a towel, and her long, plush, pink robe around her body. She sits down next to him at the island.

“Wine?” She questions, but picks up the glass to take a sip.

“It’s been a long day, to be honest with you. I’m gonna work from home to catch up on some sleep tomorrow since I don’t have any meetings.”

“You know I have Fridays off, we could have done this tomorrow.” She frowns.

“It’s okay, I figured you’d want everything now. The funeral’s Saturday, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it is.”

“Eat up, and then we can look at everything.”

“We can do both at the same time.”

“Does your nose still run like a leaky faucet when you eat spicy food?” He smirks, and she rolls her eyes. “That’s what I thought.”

“Thank you for picking this up.” She says as she takes a bite. “I haven’t had this in forever.”

“Me neither…I stopped going because I didn’t want to run into you there.”

“That’s why I stopped going. We should have divided up restaurants when we broke up.” She laughs, and takes another sip of wine. “Do you mind if I dry my hair when we’re done eating? I’ll get a-“

“You’ll get a headache if you don’t, I know the drill.” He takes a sip of his own wine, and eats a spoonful of rice.

“Stop remembering things about me.” She swats a hand at him.

“We were together for long enough, Blair, I can’t help it.”

“Yeah, well, quit throwing it in my face, okay? We’re not doing this to go for a stroll down memory lane.”

Harry knew he’d be waiting at least twenty minutes while Blair dried her hair. He walks around her living room, stretching his legs a bit. He was curious to see what she had filled her bookshelves with. There was a picture of her and Riley from their freshman year of college. Harry picks it up and smiles. Harry was in his first year of law-school when Riley and Blair were college freshmen. He didn’t meet Blair formally until their senior year, and he was in his first year working at his father’s firm. He was helping Riley move in after winter break, and Blair had already been there.

“Blair!” Riley exclaimed. “I missed you so much.” She threw her arms around her.

“I missed you too! I’m glad we both agreed to come back a week early.”

“Same here. This is my cousin, Harry. Harry, this is Blair.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” Harry shook Blair’s hand.

“It’s nice to meet you too.” Her mouth had run dry. They held eye contact for a beat too long. “You’re in law school, right?”

“I finished last year, I’m actually working now. I’m a tax attorney.” He explains. “It’s my dad’s business.”

“And it’s super boring.” Riley rolled her eyes. “Har, could you bring everything in for me? I have a meeting with my advisor that I need to get to. We’re going over my practicum stuff.”

“Sure thing. We’re still getting dinner later, right?”

“Mhm, I shouldn’t be too long. Blair, you don’t mind if Harry hangs here for a bit, do you? You’re also welcome to come to dinner with us.”

“Sure, I don’t have a problem with it.” She shrugged.

“You’re the best. See you in a little while!”

“Is there a lot of stuff? I can help.” Blair said to Harry.

“Not a lot, no. But…I’ve never been here before, so if you could just show me upstairs, that would be great.”

“Yeah.” She nodded.

Harry brought Riley’s suitcase in, and Blair led him upstairs. She showed him Riley’s room.

“Is yours similar?” He asked.

“My room? Um, no…it’s a little different.” She swallowed. “Do you wanna see?”

“I’d love to.” He grinned, and followed her down the hall to her room. “Riley’s told me a lot about you over the years, but she failed to mention how insanely gorgeous you are.” He leaned against her wall after she closed her door.

“Well, she failed to mention how hot her cousin is, but I suppose that would be a weird thing to say about a family member.” She smirked. “How old are you, exactly?’

“I’m about to turn twenty-six, what about you?”

“I’m almost twenty-two…in May.”

“Not a huge age difference.” He walked towards her.

“Not at all.” She looked up at him with big eyes.

“Want me to kiss you?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, all done.” Blair says, coming out with her all dry and pretty. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing, just saw this old picture of you and Riley.”

“God, we were babies then.” Blair smiles at the photo. “We took that on the day we met at orientation.” She looks at him. “Wanna sit on the couch?”

“Sure.” Harry grabs his briefcase and takes out all of the documents he needed to go over with Blair. “So, as you can see, your father set up a trust for you that you’ll get access to a year after his passing. That’s pretty standard. Your mother has a different sum of money that she’ll be able to access much sooner. There’s absolutely nothing in his will about Lora or her son. Even if she tries to contest it, there’s nothing in here that would indicate he was hiding anything. I looked over their divorce settlement as well, she stopped getting alimony when she remarried. She literally has no case. You and your mum can take a breather.”

“Oh, what a relief! Thank you, Harry. She’ll be able to let herself relax for the first time in a while.”

“Are you going to take any more time off from work?”

“Well, I’m closed Saturday, and I’m off Sunday, and I’m closed Monday as well. Then I’ll be back to it Tuesday.”

“You’re only giving yourself a long weekend?” He frowns.

“Harry, I can’t afford to keep closing. I make enough with the memberships, but I won’t be making the extra I do from the walk-ins.”

“Look, if you need some money-“

“Don’t you dare.” She stands up. “I don’t want your money, Harry, I never have, and I never will. I’m not your goddamn sugar baby!”

“I never said you were!” He says, standing up.

“But you used to make me feel like that all the time! You were always paying for every little thing. You never let me pay for a single thing. It was like you had zero confidence in me, even though I was running a successful business!”

“You were just starting out! All I wanted to do was help you, make it a little easier for you. You’re the one that went to their parents for loan help when I would have done it in a heartbeat! You crushed me.”

“We weren’t even living together, and you were ready to drop that amount of money on me?! That would have been so weird!”

“We were both working odd hours, and we had only been together a few months at that point, moving in would have been weird! A loan is totally different, I would have been investing in something great.”

“Well, I didn’t need your investment! We were together for nearly three years, Harry, what’s your excuse for not living together after all that time, hm?”

“I would have felt guilty. I was never home, I didn’t want you waiting up for me. It was easier when I could just come here and crawl into bed with you after a long day. And you always had to get up so much earlier than me. I thought…I thought it was better that we weren’t living together. You had never lived alone before, I wanted you to enjoy the freedom.”

“Was that it, or did you just want to keep your own?” She huffs, crossing her arms. “You know what, this fight is useless, it doesn’t matter because it’s not going to solve a single fucking thing. Thank you for your help, I really do appreciate it, but now that I know everything’s fine, you can go. If I need anything else from you down the line, I’ll reach out. I’m sure Lora will make a stink, and therefore I’ll need an attorney. But it’s all professional, Harry.”

“You’ve made that plenty clear already, thanks.” Harry packs up his things, and Blair walks him to the door. They look at each other. He just sighs and heads out the door.

Blair would be lying if she said that she didn’t miss Harry. They had a really special bond that was hard to find with just any one. All they did that first day they met was kiss, have a passionate make out, but that was it. Blair didn’t want to go too far with him in case Riley wasn’t comfortable with it. But Riley was overjoyed when Harry asked if she would mind if he asked Blair out on a date. It was a whirlwind from there.

He took her on some of the nicest dates she had ever been on. Most guys would take her out for coffee, maybe a movie if they could scrape the money together, but Harry took Blair out to nice restaurants, and to the movies that had lux levels. Not to mention his condo, god, she loved his condo. He liked that she kept things simple. Crockpot dinners at her place, watching TV curled up in her little full-sized bed, and clipping coupons together on Sunday mornings. That was where they had sex for the first time, in her little bed after their fifth date. He told her he loved her for the first time on the top of a Farris Wheel during the spring carnival her campus held, and she wasted no time saying it back. After that, a deeper trust formed between the two of them. One that not a lot of people would understand. Harry didn’t quite understand it himself since he was usually the one who was a little more dominant in bed, but with Blair…well, needless to say after a long week of working cases, his favorite thing was to come home, find her in his bedroom with some lingerie on, and letting her tie him to the bed posts for a little while. It was a release he didn’t even really know he needed. And with her, having been a college student about ready to graduate and enter the real world, it felt like so many things were out of control. Harry gave her that control back.

Harry wonders if that’s why they breakup seemed so much harder on him than her. It seemed like Blair was able to let go so easily. Yes, he started fucking around afterwards, but he just couldn’t get that same high from anyone else, nor did he trust some random girl at a bar to do the things for him that Blair once did. Blair was just better at hiding her emotions. She missed Harry, she’s missed him for a long time now. She cried for weeks, feeling this undeniable ache in her heart without him around. But, she had her studio to throw herself into, a brand to keep building. It was the perfect distraction, and even though she missed Harry, she didn’t hate being single for the first time in a while. For three years, Harry had been like her security blanket. The way she looked at it, every kid eventually stops sleeping with their security blanket at some point. It was time to be independent.  

//

The funeral was a graveside service. It was cloudy, but there wasn’t rain, which was probably the only upside Blair could think of. She was there, sitting next to her mother, other family members in the row behind them. Her mother was holding Blair’s hand, but this is one the few times Blair wished someone was there for her. Just as the service was about to get started, someone sat down next to her. She looks to her right and sees Harry, dressed in black from head to toe. He doesn’t say anything, he just puts his arm around her, and rubs his shoulder. He gives Blair’s mom a soft smile before sitting back in his seat.

“Harry…you weren’t supposed to come until afterwards…” Blair says.

“I know.” He looks at her. “I just wanted to be here for you.”

Harry gave Blair his extra tissues while she cried during the service. He held her the entire time, and stayed back once it was over. Then, he offered to drive Blair and Pam back to Pam’s home. Neither of them were in any condition to drive. There were a lot of people that came back to the house afterwards. Blair was able to calm down a bit, but her mother was really taking it hard.

“We don’t have to do this today.” Harry says to Blair.

“No, we should just rip the band aid. Then she can just…” Blair’s eyes widen when she sees Lora walk through the door. “Oh, you miserable cunt.” She says.

“What?” Harry asks, confused.

“Not you, Lora’s here.” Blair storms over to her. “What are you doing here?”

“Nice to see you too.” Lora smiles. “I’m here to grieve the loss of my first husband.”

“You weren’t at the funeral.”

“I didn’t want to upset anyone.” Lora shrugs. “So…have you read the will yet? I think I should be in on that.”

“Lora.” Pam says when she walks over. “Alright, let’s get this over with.” Pam sighs, and has everyone follow her down the hall to the guest bedroom. Harry takes out the paperwork.

“There’s been-“ He starts, but he’s cut off.

“I’m sorry, but how is it legal if her boyfriend is reading the will?” Lora asks.

“We’re not together anymore. We haven’t been for a while. He’s here as our attorney, that’s it.” Blair says.

“Anyways, been a trust set up for Blair a little down the road. Everything else, including the house, has been left to Pamela Smith. There is no mention of anyone else’s name.”

“That can’t be right.” Lora scoffs. “I was promised-“

“He would have never left you anything.” Pam says. “And I’m sick of dealing with you. He’s gone, he’s left you nothing, you have no ties to us now. It’s clear as day that Derek is not his. He owed you absolutely nothing, you gold digging bitch.” Pam steps closer to Lora. “Now, get out of my house before I have you removed. I buried my husband today, I am in no mood to be fucked with.”

“Fine.” Lora says, turns on her heel and leaves.

“Way to go, Mum.” Blair gives her a high five. “I thought she’d put up more of a fight than that.”

“With your father maybe, but not with me. I’ve ripped her cheap extensions out more than once, and she knows I’ll do it again.” She takes take a deep breath. “I think I’m about ready to be done for the day. I need to lay down.”

“Do you want me to stay tonight?” Blair asks her.

“No, honey, thank you. Auntie Fay is staying, I’ll be alright.” She looks at Harry. “Harry, I can’t thank you enough for helping with all of this.”

“Don’t mention it. If there’s anything else I can do, anything at all, don’t be afraid to ask.”

“Drive Blair home.”

“Mum.”

Pam raises her hands in defense and leaves the room.

“I can drive you back if you want. I took an uber out here as it was.” Harry says, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“You’ve done enough for me today, it’s alright…I can make it back on my own. Riley’s flying back in from Chicago tomorrow and we’re gonna have a girl’s day, so-“

“Blair, I still have your keys in my pocket, I’m driving you.”

“I don’t need you to swoop in here and act like superman, Harry.” Her bottom lip trembles. “I know my dad’s not around to do it anymore, but-“

“Hey.” He takes her in his arms. “I wish I could take it all away, I really do. I wish you weren’t going through all of this, baby.”

“Harry.” She sighs heavily into his chest.

“Sorry.” He rests his chin on the top of her head. “Some habits are hard to break I guess.”

“Have you called anyone else baby in the last year?” She nuzzles in close to him.

“No.” He tilts her chin up to look at him. “I never could.”

“Okay, you can drive me home.” She sighs. “I’m about ready to pass out as it is.”

Blair takes a few minutes to say goodbye to the people still at the house before her and Harry get into her car. He keeps the music volume low, and her eyes start to droop. Harry can’t help but feel soft and warm knowing she was so easily able to fall asleep with him there still. She’d always fall asleep on long car rides.

“Blair.” Harry says, trying to wake her up. “We’re at your place, love.” She groans at him, and he sighs. “Are you really going to make me carry you up?” She groans again and he rolls his eyes. Blair would always pretend to be asleep so Harry would carry her inside. He unbuckles her, gets out, and opens her door to lift her out. “You’re killing me.” He grunts as he carries her to the front door. He keys in, and carries her up the stairs to her door. “I know you’re awake.” He says as he brings her to her bedroom.

“Mm, but you’re so strong and warm.” She mumbles.

“Okay.” He chuckles and lays her on her bed. “Are your pj’s still in the third drawer of your dresser.”

“Harry.” She sits up. “You don’t have to do all that…”

“I was just gonna grab you a shirt and get out of your hair.” He says innocently.

“God, I’m so confused.” She pinches the bridge of her nose.

“About what?” He grabs a bed shirt for her, and sits on the edge of her bed.

“I think I’m just feeling vulnerable, I don’t know.” She looks away from him. “I don’t want you to go.” She mutters, and then looks at him. “But I also don’t want to get your hopes up.”

“If you need me to stay as a friend, I can do that.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’d never leave you like this.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I was just gonna pretend to leave, and then crash on your couch.”

“Well, you don’t have to do that. Got a queen sized bed now, plenty of room.”

“I can see that.” He smiles. “There was nothing wrong with your old bed. It was kinda fun when we were practically sleeping on top of each other.”

“Yeah, but your bed was better for…well…never mind.” She clears her throat. “Um, I still have some of your old pajama pants in my drawer, you can wear those if you want.”

“I’m good with just boxers if that’s alright with you.”

“Oh, um sure.” She gets off the bed to stand up. “I’m just gonna go wash up and change.”

Harry nods and gets undressed. He goes over to her bathroom door to wait his turn. Blair’s eyes widen when she sees him standing there in his underwear.

“You don’t have a spare toothbrush, do you?”

“Um, you can use one of the extra heads I have for my electric brush.”

“Thanks.” He steps into the bathroom as she leaves to go back to her bedroom.

“Oh my god.” She says to herself. He had beefed up a bit. Harry was already sort of beefy, but he used to be leaner. Had he been getting a lot of protein? She shakes her head as she crawls into bed. Harry comes in shortly after and gets in on the other side. She turns her head to look at him. “Thank you, Harry.”

“You don’t have to thank me.�� He looks at her. “I’d be a pretty shitty person to leave you in a time like this.”

“Yeah, but you could be catching tail at some bar with your friends.” She smirks at him.

“You make me sound like I’m promiscuous or something.” He chuckles and turns fully on his side towards her. She does the same. “It’s a stress reliever, and I always wrap it up. M’not doing anything wrong.”

“Do you, um, do what we used to do with any of these hookups?”

“No.” He smirks. “No, I don’t think I could ever trust someone in that way again even if I tried.” He chews his bottom lip. “What about you?”

“Harry, to be honest with you…I haven’t slept with anyone since we broke up.”

“Blair, that was a year ago.”

“I’m well aware.” She rolls her eyes.

“That’s a long fucking dry spell.”

“It’s not a dry spell, it’s a personal choice. I threw myself into the studio, I worked on choreographing a ton of new dances. I was building my brand, bringing in more clientele. Plus…anytime I’d use a dating app or go out with Riley to a bar…no one was ever you.”

“I know things seemed mutual and we didn’t end in some big blow up…but I was so hurt that we couldn’t make things work.” He reaches to tuck some hair behind her ear. “I thought we were going to be together forever.”

“So did I…but I don’t know if I was ready for something so long-term yet, which I know sounds stupid because three years is a long time to be with someone.”

“It’s not stupid. I would have felt the same at that age. It was sort of selfish of me to try to lock you down the way I was.”

“You weren’t being selfish for wanting to be with me, Harry.”

“You know, the last thing I expected when I helped Riley move in that semester was falling in love with her roommate. You just looked so cute that day.”

“You remember how I looked when we first met?”

“How could I forget? You were wearing these sweater leggings that had snow flakes on them, and you were wearing this oversized sweater that was hanging off your shoulder, and you kept trying to tug it back on. You seemed so flustered around me.”

“I was.” She laughs. “I thought for sure you just wanted to fuck me and then leave with the way you pushed me up against the wall when you kissed me.”

“Yeah, you nearly shit yourself at dinner afterwards. Poor Riley had no idea I frenched you for a solid thirty minutes.”

“My lips were so swollen, she had to have known. I was more in shock when you came by a week later to ask me out. God, you were so cute, you were waiting outside my apartment with hot apple cider, and I had such a shit day at my practicum. I was in dingy sweats too, and you still told me I looked beautiful.”

“And I meant it.”

“Then you said I looked tired, and right before I went off on you, you pulled me inside and said that you were going to make me dinner so I could go upstairs and take a long hot shower.”

“Mhm, made you spaghetti and meatballs.”

“And that really yummy homemade garlic bread.” She smiles.

“Then we cuddled up and watched Ratatouille.” He chuckles.

“I was so mad that you had never seen it! And then you ended up loving it.”

“It’s a great movie, honestly.” He says, smiling at her. “Best first date ever.”

“Yeah, it was. When I went to sleep that night I couldn’t believe that a real man wanted to be with me. I don’t think any of the guys I dated in college knew how to cook.”

“Pretty sure I did a good job making you forget about any other guy you had ever been with.” He smirks, and she nudges his shoulder.

“Maybe…maybe when I’m in a better mindset…we could talk about…I mean…I’ve been thinking about you a lot ever since we started talking again, sorry, I’m rambling.” She sighs. “I don’t want you to think that I wanna give things another shot because you’ve been helping me and my mom, but it’s been hard not to think about it…especially after today.” She blinks away a few tears. “I wasn’t expecting you to come to the service. Riley felt awful that she couldn’t be there, and I felt so alone, even being with my mom. You’re so selfless.” She pouts at him.

“I would love to talk about potentially getting back together. I…I don’t think I realized how much I missed you until you walked into my office. I thought I was out having the time of my life, but I wasn’t. Nobody could ever compare to you.”

“I think I just need some time to make sure I’m not…I’m not just feeling this way because you’re being so sweet to me when no one else is.”

“Take all the time you need.” He strokes her cheek. “M’gonna turn over now. If you just so happen to feel like spooning me, I promise not to question it.”

“Please, snuggling sounds like the perfect medicine after today. Assume the position, Styles.”

He chuckles and rolls onto his other side. Blair slots a leg between his, and wraps her arm around his stomach. They both sigh, and wiggle closer to one another. Blair hadn’t felt peace like this in quite some time, and neither had Harry.

//

Blair woke up in a fog the next morning. Her eyes still felt puffy and swollen from crying, and even though the clock read 10AM, she felt like she could stay in bed for at least two more hours. She remembers Harry staying and falling asleep with her, but he wasn’t there next to her now. Where he laid was still warm, so he couldn’t have left too long ago. When she smells coffee, she wakes up a bit more. There was a coffee cup from Dunkin’ on her side table, along with a small bag that she knew had to be a coffee cake muffin. She sits up and sees a note next to the casual breakfast.

Had to rush off to the office this morning. Got a call that one of my major clients passed, and his family is already fighting over the money. Had to time to run out and get you brekkie though! I’ll call you later. – H

Blair pouts at the note, and takes a sip of her coffee, which had cooled down just enough for her to sip it without burning her tongue. She texts Harry a quick “thank you” before diving into her muffin. This was his signature “sorry for not being there when you wake up” breakfast treat. There had been many mornings Blair had woken up alone after spending the night with him. It wasn’t because Harry liked scooting out, he just usually got pulled away due to something work related, and he knew that Blair liked being able to sleep in when she could on the weekends, especially when she was still in school. She never minded because she knew he was busy. She used to just lounge around for an hour or so in his large bed before getting up and making it. Then she’d take an indulgent bath in his Jacuzzi-tub. He’d usually get back to her sometime in the afternoon, and they would snuggle up to watch a movie before he brought her back to her apartment. It worked for them.

There were plenty of times Blair had to scoot early as well. When she was doing her practicum, she needed to be at the high school no later than 7AM, which sucked because at the time she was a major night owl. It’s taken her years of discipline to get herself to fall asleep at a reasonable time so she wouldn’t be so groggy and grumpy in the morning. That was something that Harry helped with as well. He told her about this sleepy time playlist on Spotify that he would listen to on the nights he needed to go to bed early. Blair had told him she couldn’t afford the premium membership and she didn’t want to be jolted awake by ads. So what did Harry do? He bought the subscription plan that allowed for two people to be on it, helped her shift her account, and even though she protested, he insisted. The music sounded like something a masseuse would put on, and it always put her right to sleep. Harry was a genius, at least Blair thought so.

“How do you always have an answer for everything?” She had cried to him on a particularly stressful evening. It was after she graduated, and she had just gotten her business up and running. She felt overwhelmed and scared. “You always stay so calm, it’s like you don’t even care!”

“I just know that this’ll pass, baby. You just graduated from college, you’re going through a major life change. You’ve had the same routine all your life, and now it’s completely different. In a few months things won’t feel as scary.” He smiled at her, and wrapped his arms around her mid-section. “Went through the same thing myself not too long ago. I promise, it gets a lot better. Your early twenties fucking suck.”

“Yeah? How are things looking in the world of mid to late twenties?” She pouted up at him.

“Well,” he moved some hair away from her face, “I’ve got an incredible girlfriend who loves me, and I just so happen to love her, and I’m feeling settled in mt job, and I have a great place to live, and oh! Finally stopped having stress dreams about missing a big exam. Can’t complain too much.”

“I…I’m gonna be really busy at the studio. I have to choreograph all these dances, and start advertising, and-“

“Hey, I’ve got an idea.” He tugged her along down the hall to his home office.

“Harry, I’m not in the mood to fuck in your office…” She said, and Harry chuckled.

“As much as I love it when you let me bend you over my desk, that’s not what this is about.” He took her inside and took out a few sheets of blank paper and some pens. He sat down and pulled her into her lap. “Alright, this used to help me all the time when I was super stressed, still does, actually.” She watched as he drew three large circles, and wrote CHOREOGRAPHY in one, SOCIAL MEDIA, in another, and BUDGET

in the last. “Alright, so these are some rather large cookies, wouldn’t you say?” He looked up at her, and she looked down at him and nodded. “Okay, so what are some ways we can take little bites out of these?”

“Like a checklist for each?”

“Sort of, yeah.” He drew a few stems from each circle. “Almost like a backwards flow chart.”

“Is this what you do with your clients when they ask for financial advice?”

“Sometimes.” He nodded. “But more importantly, I want to help my girlfriend who is insanely frazzled. I hate when people try to be problem solvers…so hope you don’t think that’s what I’m trying to do…”

“No.” She shook her head. “This is great. I think if I have it all laid out in front of me…and can check certain things off…take smaller bites, like you said, I can handle things better.” She grabbed a pen and started writing, and making more stems, color coding a few of them. “My parents are gonna help cover the loan payments for the first year so I can save up, and start paying off my student loans.” She chewed her bottom lip. “And I can set aside some time in the mornings to do the social media stuff, and use the afternoons for choreography…evenings I can work on my website.”

“Just think of how sweet it’ll all taste by the time you finish.” He smiled up at her, and she leaned in to peck his lips.

“I love you, Harry, thank you.”

“I love you too, baby.” He kissed her again, ever so tenderly and soft. “Don’t let this stuff build up, you know you can talk to me about anything.”

“I just feel like my problems are so trivial, like, there are people that are starving, and I’m crying about being overwhelmed.”

“Your feelings are valid, don’t compare it to what someone else might be going through.”

“Do you think, um, could you just hold me for a bit?” It was so rare for Blair to be this vulnerable. Usually she was the one to hold Harry, but once in a while she just really needed him.

“Of course.” He shifted in his seat to cradle her to his chest. He was so warm and inviting, he always made Blair feel safe.

Blair sighs, and shakes herself from the memory. She couldn’t bask in the good times and act as if there weren’t also bad times. Although…there really weren’t that many bad times. She finishes up her muffin and gets out of bed. She grimaced when she saw herself in her bathroom mirror, and decided a long, hot shower would do her some good. She didn’t have the energy to wash her hair, so she grabs a scrunchie to put it up in a bun on the top of her head. As the warm water cascades over her body, she can’t help but continue to let her mind wander to other old memories.

“Harry! I told you I’d be five minutes.” Blair whispered to Harry as he entered the bathroom. He locked the door behind him and smirked. “Riley’s home! Just down the hall sleeping.” Harry pulled back the shower door, and walked into it with her. All he did was put a finger up to his lips.

“Then we’ll need to be quiet.” He whispered to her, ghosting his lips over hers.

“I…I’ve never had sex in the shower before. I always heard it wasn’t as cracked up as it looks in the movies.”

“That’s because people try too hard to do it full on.” He stepped into the water, getting his hair wet, and then moves her so she’s pressed up against the wall. He knelt in front of her, and looked up at her wet body. “Can I make you feel good, baby?”

“Y-yes.”

He grinned, and lifted one of her legs over his shoulder.

“Now, you need to stay quiet.” He pressed his lips to one of her hip bones, and kissed across her pelvis. “So, if it gets to be too much, just suck on your fingers or something, pull my hair, whatever you need to do.” She watched as his eyes darkened when he licked over her clit. His tongue moved to her slit and licked up. He moaned, letting his eyes flutter closed before looking back up at her. “You have no idea how fucking good you taste.”

“Blair!” Riley exclaims as she comes into the apartment. Blair’s taken from her thoughts just as she was whimpering out Harry’s name.

“I’m in the shower!” Blair yells back, and finishes cleaning herself up. She meets Riley out in the living room once she’s thrown some sweats on. “Hi.”

“Oh, god, I’m so sorry I couldn’t be there.” Riley wraps her arms around her friend.

“You couldn’t have known.” Blair hugs her back. “A month in Chicago, I can’t wait to hear all about it.” They let go of each other.

“Are you sure you wanna talk about all that?”

“Yeah, I need the distraction.”

“Alright. I brought coffee and doughnuts.” Riley smiles.

“Thank you, but I might save that for later. I had coffee and a muffin earlier…um, Harry spent the night last night.” Blair blushes as they both move to sit on the couch.

“Holy shit! Pleas don’t tell me you called him for a booty call.” Riley frowns.

“No, it was nothing like that. I told you he was helping with all of the legal stuff…he ended up coming to the funeral unannounced. He was there for me…he drove me home and I asked him to stay. We just slept, and he was gone before I woke up because of a work thing.”

“Ah, and he brought you the old comfort breakfast to make up for it.” Riley shakes her head. “Well, I’m glad he was there for you. I always hoped you would become friends at some point after you broke up.”

“I don’t think I realized how much I missed him. I’ve been so independent for the last year, it felt kind of nice to lean on him for a change.”

“Do you think you wanna get back together?”

“I don’t know…I was definitely feeling something yesterday, even this morning, but I don’t know if it’s because I’m just sad and vulnerable, or if it’s because I really wanna give it a second go. I don’t really know what would be different this time. He still works crazy hours, and-“

“He’s dialed back a lot.” Riley cuts him off. “Ever since he’s taken over, and once he really got settled into it, he hasn’t been working himself to the bone like he was. Are there still some sixty-hour weeks? Sometimes, but not like he was, I swear.”

“He didn’t seem to think we still spoke…so that made me think you weren’t as close with him…”

“I don’t hang out with him as much…I speak with his friend John quite a bit, though.” Riley blushes.

“Speak to or fuck?” Blair smirks.

“Don’t. If Harry knew I was messing around with one of his boys, god, I don’t even wanna think about it.”

“Oh, so he can go out with your friend, but you can’t go out with his?”

“John and I aren’t going out. We just…meet up to fuck sometimes, but we both still hookup with other people. I mean, I’m sure he slept with his share of people while I was away.”

“Did you?”

“There were a couple of people I let take me back to my hotel, yeah.” Riley nods. “Don’t say anything to Harry, okay?”

“Christ, I’m not his best friend all of a sudden. I think I was just emotional last night. I doubt we’ll even-“

There’s a jingle of keys, and then Harry’s entering the apartment. He freezes when he sees Riley.

“Hey! You’re back.” He smiles at his cousin. “How was Chicago?”

“Windy.” Riley says. “But fun, I made a ton of sales.”

“That’s great.” Harry sets the keys on the kitchen counter and then comes further into the living area. “How are you this morning?” He asks Blair.

“I’m okay, um, thanks for breakfast.”

“Yeah, of course, sorry I had to skip out. Uh, I just came back to see how you were, but I can see your girl’s day has started, so I’ll head out.”

“You can stay, Har, we were just gonna paint our nails, nothing you haven’t done with us before.” Riley says. “You don’t mind, right, Blair?”

“S-sure, you can stay, Harry…if you want to.”

“I’d love to stay.” He comes over and sits down on Blair’s other side. “Nothing like giving you a Styles sandwich to make you feel better.” He smirks. “Alright, Riles, what colors did you bring?”

The three ended up having a great day together. It felt like old times. They painted their nails, ordered Chinese, and watched Mystic Pizza. Riley was starting to get tired, so she left around six. The jet lag was catching up with her. So it was just Harry and Blair sitting on the couch watching Wall-E.

“Do you remember the first time we watched this?” Harry asks her a few minutes in.

“Mhm.” Blair smiles without looking at him. “It was that weekend we went away Hampton Beach, and it rained in the evening, so instead of being annoyed, we got all cozy and watched this.”

“After…” He looks at her, a smirk growing on his face.

“Harry.” She rolls her eyes.

“Come on, what did we do just before settling in to watch this adorable film?”

Blair sighs, but gives in, “We made hot fudge sundaes, and, um, I let you lay me on the counter and lick chocolate sauce and whipped cream off my body.” She swallows. “Then I did the same to you. We made a mess of the Air BnB.”

“We cleaned it up. Then we got into that big, comfy bed and just vegged out. Think this is one of my favorite Pixar films that you showed me.”

“You really liked Cars too.” Blair chuckles.

“Yeah, I did. That was a good one.” Harry leans back on the couch, crossing his arms behind his head.

“You don’t need to do this, you know?”

“Do what, love?” He says without looking at her, eyes focused on the screen.

“Babysit me.” She mutters.

“S’not what I’m doing.” He scoffs. “I’m enjoying spending time with you, Blair.” He looks at her. “And I’m worried about you, but I’m not babysitting you.” He puts his hand on her knee and gives it a squeeze before taking it away. “Just relax, yeah?”

“Thanks.” She pauses for a moment. “Harry…would you be taking care of me like this if you had a new girlfriend?” Her eyes start to well up with tears. “Because-“

“Why are you asking a what if like that?” He reaches to wipe her tears with his thumbs. “At the risk of sounding totally lame…I was sort of just waiting on you. Sort of hoping you’d wanna get back together at some point. I tried dating, but it’s like I told you…no one was ever you.”

“So you just kept fucking strangers?” She was so confused.

“It was all meaningless. I figured if you were out there living your life, then I should do the same.” He shrugs.

“Harry, I know you think we broke up because you thought I needed time to be young or whatever, but I wasn’t out there fucking a ton of different people. I just…I don’t know, I wanted to be on my own.”

“And I understood that, as much as it upset me. What was I going to do, beg you to stay my girlfriend?” He moves a bit closer to her. “If we were to get back together, what would you want to be different? Obviously things stopped working…”

“It’s not that they stopped working, I just…I think I just grew up a little bit. You gave me plenty of room for it, but I just sort of realized that there were other things I wanted to do and I didn’t wanna be totally tied down. If we were to get back together, I wouldn’t want you paying for things all the time, or thinking you need to fix all of my problems. Sometimes I just want someone to listen without making suggestions, you know?”

“I didn’t even realize I was doing that.” He runs a hand through his hair and sighs. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I know you always meant well, and you were just trying to help in your own way.” She gives him a reassuring smile. “It didn’t always bother me, but sometimes it did. I wasn’t perfect either, I know how closed off I could get.” She furrows her brows. “I’ve been trying to work on that. I added the yoga into my routines…so that’s been helping. You sort of inspired that.”

“I should start my membership back up.”

“Yeah…it would be nice to see you in class again.”

“Remember when I started coming on Tuesday evenings, and then we’d go to the Thai place for dinner afterwards?”

“Mhm, and then you’d take us back to your place, and set up a bath for us.” She sighs dreamily. “And then you’d massage my calves for me, ugh, I always loved that.”

“Couldn’t have my baby being sore the next morning, could I?” He pouts playfully at her, and she giggles.

“You were always so good to me.” Her face was only a few inches from his now.

“Fucking worshiped you.” His lips ghost over hers, and she whimpers.

“Kiss me, Harry.”

His lips slot over hers immediately, and cups her cheeks to pull her even closer. He sucks on her bottom lip, and she whimpers again. Blair tugs on Harry’s shirt, and then pushes his back to the couch. She moves to straddle him, and he wraps his arms around her body. They’re both grabbing at different parts of one another, and she shifts so she’s only straddling one of his thighs, rolling her hips down onto it. Harry groans, and starts kissing on her neck. She gets a fist full of his hair, and yanks his head back.

“Harry, I don’t think this is a good idea.” She admits. “I mean…we haven’t agreed to anything. I think we should take this slow, don’t you?”

“You just told me to kiss you, and then you climbed into my lap.” He smirks, and she starts laughing.

“Yeah.” She grips his chin with her other hand. “You’re always good at doing exactly what I say.”

“Always.” He agrees. “If you’re not planning on having your way with me then you should get off. You’re only gonna rile me up, and I’ve not done anything to deserve that.”

“No, I suppose you deserve a reward instead of a punishment.” She presses her forehead to his and lets her hands fall to his shoulders. She sighs heavily and then looks at him again. “I need a little more time. I wanna make sure that this really makes sense. The last thing I wanna do is hurt you again.”

“I don’t want you to feel hurt either.” He squeezes her hips. “I wanna give you the time, Blair, but you’ve also had a year to sort your feelings. You either wanna do this or you don’t.”

“I really hate it when you’re right.” She huffs. “But I know what you’re saying.”

“How about this…why don’t we go out Saturday night? We could go on a date, and see how it feels.”

“Why not Friday?”

“Because you work early on Saturday mornings, darling, and you’re just going to be getting back to it again.” He tucks some hair behind her hear. “Can’t have you being sleepy.”

“You’re so sweet.” She smiles. “Okay, yeah, I’d like that. Um, did you want to just go out for dinner?”

“If that’s what you wanna do, baby. I’m down for whatever.”

“I haven’t been to that grill we used to go to all the time in forever. Feel like I could go for a really good burger.”

“Alright, we’ll go to Benson’s. I’ll pick you up around six, how’s that sound?”

“I think it sounds like a date.”

//

On Wednesday evening, much to Blair’s surprise, Harry walked into one of her evening classes with Riley. Riley had a cheeky smile on her face, and Blair just shook her head at the two of them. It had been ages since Harry had been to one of her classes, and he had picked a yoga day.

“Good evening, everyone!” Blair says once everyone gets there. “We’re gonna start off with our warm up, and then get in to it. We’ll work a little with the weights, and then we’ll cool down with the yoga like always. Does everyone have their weights?” She hears a collective yes. “Alright!” She hops up onto the small stage and gets the music playing.

When the class is over, a few people hang back to talk to Blair. Riley would usually grab a quick bite with her after class. A guy was talking to her now.

“Hey, who is that?” Harry asks Riley as they clean up their stations.

“Hm? Oh, that’s Rich, he has a thing for Blair.” Riley rolls her eyes. “He refuses to take a hint. The second he found out she was single he was all over her. She’s nice to him, but she doesn’t like him back.”

Harry narrows his eyes, and reads Blair’s body language like a book. Her arms were crossed, and she was casually trying to step away from Rich.

“I’ll get him to leave her alone.” Harry says.

“Harry, don’t.” Riley grabs his wrist. “She can handle herself.”

“I know she can, but she looks so uncomfortable. What if they were left alone here, and he tried something. He needs to know she has some backup.” Harry walks over to the two, and Blair can’t help but smirk because she knows exactly why Harry’s walking over. “Hey, sorry to interrupt, but we should get going if we want to make trivia night.”

“Right! Yeah, sorry, Rich, I need to get the studio cleaned up so I can head out.” Blair was thankful. Harry was always good at coming up with excuses for them to leave places early. Usually it was because he needed to get her home so she could fuck him, obviously now that wasn’t the case.

“Oh…alright, well, I’ll see you next week. Have a good night.” Rich looks Harry up and down before leaving.

“Thank you.” Blair sighs. “He’s a nice guy, but I’m not interested.”

“Obviously.” Harry scoffs. “Have fun with Riley.”

“You don’t wanna come with?”

“Nah, I need to get home. I have some stuff I need to do before tomorrow. Still on for Saturday?”

“Mhm.” She nods with a smile.

“Good.” He kisses her cheek. “I’ll call you Friday.”

Harry leaves and Riley helps Blair cleanup before they head out to a Panera for dinner.

“So, you two are going out on Saturday?” Riley asks her when they sit down with their food.

“Yeah, it’s sort of like a first date. I wanna make sure things feel really right with us. I have a feeling we’ll get back together officially, though.”

“Yeah? What makes you think that?” Riley smirks.

“Well…we kissed on Sunday night when he was still over. It was a really good kiss too, it was familiar, but there was still that, like, passion, you know?”

“I would love it if you got back together. I never really liked the other people he dated, and I was so excited when you both got together. He’s like the brother I never had, and I want him with someone that really cares about him. I never doubted that with you. You guys got together at a weird time in your life where you were sort of at different places. Now…well, now you might mesh better. You grew up a lot during the time you were together, I know that was tough on you both.”

“Yeah, it was.” Blair sighs, and bites into her piece of bread. “I feel like I could handle things better now. He’s been there for me during so many tough times, he’s seen me…at my absolute worst, and still loved me through all of it. I can’t wrap my head around him turning into such a playboy.”

“I couldn’t believe it myself, but I honestly don’t think he really knew how to deal with not having you around, and then…I don’t know.” Riley shakes her head. “He always wrapped it up, that’s what John told me, anyways.”

“He mentioned that to me too.” Blair rolls her eyes. “I’m not going to hold anything against him, we weren’t together. I don’t have the right to judge him about it.”

“He only wanted you, B.” Riley smiles.

“I really have missed him.” Blair smiles. “I’m really looking forward to going out with him Saturday night.” She bites her bottom lip. “Wanna come with me to Victoria’s Secret during the day? I think I should pick out something new…”

“Yeah! I’ve got a coupon to go there, actually. I need some new undies.”

“Oh, yay! We haven’t been shopping in forever.”

“I know! I hope I’m not on the road for an entire month like that again. It got old real quick.”

//

On Friday, Harry was in his office wrapping some things up, going over some paperwork. Then he looked over his calendar for Monday, just to see what meetings he had, and if he needed to do anything over the weekend.

“Mr. Styles?” Kiley, the intern training with Kate comes into his office.

“Miss Stewart, what can I do you for?” He asks, giving her his full attention. She pouts slightly at him.

“You can just call me Kiley…you call Kate by her first name.”

“I’ve known Kate for quite some time, Miss Stewart.”

“Well, we’ll get to know each other pretty well once she’s on maternity…right?”

“Most likely.” He nods. “Did you need something?”

“Yes, sorry.” She pulls a paper out of her bag. “Um, I just need you to sign off on the hours I worked this week since Kate left early. I forgot to ask her before she stepped out for her doctor’s appointment.”

“Oh, sure.” He gestures for the paper. “They’re really on you guys about the hours, huh?”

“Yeah.” She sighs. “I don’t mind, though, because I have to write a paper explaining what I did, so having an account of that will be helpful.” She shrugs. Harry hums his response as he signs the paper and hands it back to her. “Thank you…any fun plans for the weekend?”

“Just laying low tonight. I’ve got a date tomorrow, though.” He smiles.

“Oh! That’s nice.” She smiles. “Did you just meet someone?”

“No.” He shakes his head with a chuckle. “Might be starting over with my ex, which I’m pretty excited about since I’m still hopelessly in love with her.”

“Well in that case, I hope it goes super well.” She beams at him.

“Thank you, Kiley.” Her smile widens at him even more. “Feel free to head out, enjoy your weekend.”

“Thank you, Mr. Styles. I expect a full report of your date on Monday morning.”

Harry chuckles and nods as she leaves. Just when he thought his door was going to close, John enters.

“Wrap it buddy boy, we gotta meet the guys soon.”

“About that…I’m going to skip out on tonight.”

“Seriously? Why?” John frowns.

“I…I have a date tomorrow night with Blair, and-“

“You can’t be serious.” John rolls his eyes and sits down. “Why would you even entertain the idea of getting back together with her?”

“Because she seems ready for a relationship again. I still love her, and I think she still loves me. There’s still a chemistry between us, physically, so we’re going to Benson’s for a burger tomorrow to see if everything else is still there.”

“So that means you can’t come out for guy’s night?”

“You know as well as I do that guy’s night never stays guy’s night. I don’t want to be tempted by anything that could fuck me over. Besides, it wouldn’t kill me to stay in for a change. There’s a book I’ve been meaning to get back to. I wouldn’t mind just taking it easy, you guys have a good time without me.” Harry smiles at his friend. “It’s nothing personal…”

“I know.” John sighs. “You’re just fun, that’s all…” John looks down at his phone and smirks.

“Maybe you’ll meet up with that girl you see on the regular. Seems like she just texted you.”

“Maybe she did.” John nods.

“How come you don’t just date her? I’ve watched you turn down other girls to go meet up with her a dozen times.”

“It’s a little complicated. She travels a lot for work, we’re both just looking for someone familiar to hookup with right now.”

“Guess that makes sense.” Harry shrugs. “You’re pretty busy yourself”

“Exactly, so when’s around I see her more, and when she’s gone, I see other people. She does the same. We’re pretty open about it.”

“Good.” Harry smiles. “Have a beer for me tonight, yeah?”

“Alright.” John sighs and stands up. “Have fun with Blair, I guess.”

“You could sound a little more enthused.”

“I’ll be enthused if she doesn’t string you along.”

“She never strung me along.” Harry shakes his head. “We were a great team.”

“Seems like you were always doing everything for her.”

“No, she did plenty for me.”

“Babe?! I picked up a pizza!” Blair shouted as she entered Harry’s place, putting her key in the bowl by the door. “Baby?!” He wasn’t in the kitchen like she thought he’d be. She set the pizza down on the counter and walked down the hall to his home office. Her jaw dropped when she saw him knuckling at his eyes. “Harry, are you crying?” She asked softly.

“Blair.” He said, almost surprised. “Hi, I lost track of time, I’m sorry. Let’s eat.” He stood up, but she went over to him and urged him to sit.

“What happened, what’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing, baby.”

“It’s not nothing if you’re crying. Talk to me.”

“I’m just really stressed.” His voice cracked. “I was looking forward to taking over for my dad, but there’s so much other shit that’s been added to my plate that he didn’t really prepare me for. Now he’s down in Florida living it up with my mum, and I can’t even talk to him about it because I don’t want him to be disappointed in me. He’s trusting me with everything.”

“That’s a lot.” She wipes=d his tears away. “I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this.” She chewed on her bottom lip. “Is…is there anything I can do to help? Anything I can do to help take your mind off things for a bit? I brought pizza…”

“Um…yeah, I think there is something you could do for me, but it doesn’t involve food.” He stood and took her hand, leading her out to the living room. They both sat down. “Sometimes when we’re having sex…I let you take the lead, have you noticed that?”

“A little.” She shrugged. “I mean, I like that you’re not super dominating, it makes me feel safe.”

“Right, but before you I wasn’t really like that. I was always in control, but with you…I feel really safe too. So safe…that I’m able to just let everything else slip away when we’re doing what we do.”

“What are you saying exactly?”

“I…I sometimes I think I want you to really be in control. I’m not saying all the time, but I have to be in control of so many things, and I think it would be nice to not.”

“Okay, so I could ride you more if you want.”

“Well, that would be nice.” He smirked. “But I’m talking more like…like maybe you could blindfold me once in a while, or you could cuff me to the bed?” His was flushed with embarrassment. Her eyes widened as she finally started to understand what he was trying to say. “I’ve totally freaked you out, haven’t I? I know that stuff isn’t for everyone. I was just thinking we’ve been together a while now-“

“Harry, calm down.” She smiled, squeezing his hand. “I think it’s kind of hot that you wanna explore some different things.”

“You do?”

“Mhm.” She nodded. “I…just don’t ask me to, like, whip you or anything. I don’t think I could hurt you.”

“No, I’m not looking for pain.” He chuckled. “I just…wanna clear my head sometimes, that’s all.”

“Okay, I think I could be into that. You know how much I love all your ties, I’d love to tie you up with them.” She grinned, and he groaned softly.

“What do you say we leave the pizza for later, and we head into the bedroom to explore a little bit?”

“I say we’re in for a fantastic weekend.”

“Whatever you say man.” John says. “See you Monday.” John leaves Harry’s office, and Harry sighs. He never told anyone about what he and Blair did, it was no one’s business. He certainly wasn’t going to let it slip now.

//

At around 10AM Saturday morning, Blair picked up Riley so they could go shopping. Riley had bags under her eyes, and a fresh hickey on her neck. Blair’s mouth fell open the second Riley got in the car.

“Don’t.” Riley mumbles.

“I didn’t say anything.” Blair chuckles.

“But I know what you’re thinking.”

“Did you meet up with John last night?”

“Yeah, I guess Harry didn’t feel like going out last night, so I met up with him at some bar, and then he came back with me to my place.”

“Oh shit, is still there?”

“No, he left at, like, seven.” Riley rolls her eyes. “But not before he fucked me again.” She shakes her head. “We’ve fucked so many times, I don’t know how he’s not sick of me yet, or how I’m not sick of him.”

“Maybe it’s a sign you two should be more.” Blair smirks.

“I mean, we’re basically just in an open relationship, that’s the way I look at it anyways.” She shrugs. “We were up most of the night.” She yawns loudly.

“You could have stayed home.” Blair frowns as she keeps her eyes on the road.

“No, it’s okay, I wanted to go shopping with you.”

The girls make their way to a Victoria’s Secret, and start shopping around. Just as Riley hoped, there was an underwear sale. Blair indulged in it as well. Nothing wrong with getting some new undies to replace some old ones.

“Oh, these are cute!” Blair says, holding up a cheeky pair of panties.

“Yeah! I’ve been way more into the lace cheeky bottoms instead of thongs lately.”

“Me too! It’s way more comfortable. To be honest, I wear boxers a lot around my apartment. They’re more breathable than athletic shorts, and they don’t ride up.”

“Of course men have more comfortable underwear than us.” Riley sighs heavily. “Oh! Look at these white ones! Can never have too many white pairs.”

“Snag me a pair, please.”

Once the girls are done picking out their underwear, and a couple of bras that were two $50 (yes, way overpriced, but necessary), they head to the part of the store where the lingerie was.

“What are you looking for exactly?” Riley asks as she looks over some babydoll nighties.

“I don’t know, nothing crazy, but if things go well tonight, which I think they will, I wanna surprise him with something fun.”

“You’d really jump into bed with him right away?” There was no judgement in Riley’s voice, more so surprise.

“I mean…I know he’s your cousin and all, but he’s pretty hard to resist, Riles. He had me wrapped around his finger from the second we met.”

“Fair enough.” Riley shrugs. “I might try one of these on…surprise John one of these nights.”

The girls giggle as they pick out different things. Blair ends up finding a black lace bralette and matching panties that she thinks will work well under an outfit. The only thing was the bralette didn’t have any support, like, at all, but she was able to adjust the straps on it a bit to give her a slight lift.

“God, I wish I danced as a kid.” Blair huffs as she leaves the dressing room to meet Riley out at the register line.

“Why?”

“Because then maybe I wouldn’t have these fucking honkers on my chest. I’d love to be able to wear a bralette without worrying. My boobs are so saggy, I look like a granny when I don’t have the proper support.”

“You’re being dramatic.” Riley chuckles.

“Easy for you to say, Miss B Cup.”

“Hey, I’d kill to have boobs like yours. I always feel like mine are too small. I have to wear pushups all the time. Besides, your boobs are not saggy, they just sit a little lower on your chest.”

“When I really started dancing I thought they’d get smaller since I was working out all the time, but nope. The worst part is, it’s all right here.” She lifts her arm slightly and rubs just under her armpit. “I’m only a C, but I feel like a double D sometimes when I put a bra on, it takes all the side boob to the front.” Blair puts her things up on the counter, and Riley goes to the next register.

“Find everything okay?” The girl behind the register asks.

“Mhm.” Blair smiles. “I have some coupons too.” She takes her phone out so the girl can scan the barcodes on Blair’s screen.

“Oh, that’s a good one! Took off 25% of your total.” The girl puts everything into a bag for Blair, and she heads out with Riley.

“So, when will John get to see that babydoll?” Blair smirks at Riley.

“When I feel like he deserves it.” Riley grins. “If he invites me over tonight, I might bring it with me.”

“Do you usually see him two nights in a row?”

“Sometimes, but not often. I think he missed me a little since I was gone for so long. Kinda missed him too. He told me he’d call me later today.” She shrugs.

The girls grab a quick lunch before heading home. Blair didn’t want to eat anything too heavy since she was going to be eating out for dinner, so she just had a salad. She spent some time doing some social media work for her business, and then spent some time putting a new dance together. Her customers had been asking for some more throwbacks, so she was crafting some choreography to a couple of Ricky Martin songs. They could be used for the high intensity days. She always recorded herself so she could go back later to review the steps.

When she was done she was drenched in sweat, so she hops into the shower to freshen up. She sort of ends up pampering herself a bit. She shaved her legs, so she massaged some lotion into them, and used some cocoa butter on her thighs because she liked the way it smelled. After that, she grabbed her electric razor to trip her bikini line, having exfoliated first in the shower, so she was plenty smooth where she wanted to be. She spritzes some perfume into the air and walks through it, then she gets to work on her hair. She had been sporting a shoulder length look lately. Her hair used to be really long in college, but in recent years she had been keeping it a tad shorter. It was up in a braid or bun most days, but she decides to wear it down tonight. She puts on some makeup, and then goes through her closet to find something to wear over her new lingerie. She decides on a pair of black jeans that could easily be word with some booties. She pulls on a blush pink tank top and a tan cardigan to complete the look. You could just see the lace top of the bralette, and she sort of liked that look. Her phone goes off just as she’s putting some lipstick on.

“Hello?” She answers brightly.

“Hey, baby, I’m downstairs.”

“Okay, be down in a sec!” She throws some makeup remover wipes into her bag, and a spare toothbrush, then she heads out. Again, she didn’t quite know what would happen tonight, but she wanted to be prepared. Harry was standing outside his car. He smiles when he sees her.

“Hi.” He says, and opens the car door for her.

“Hi, thanks.” She smiles back and gets inside. They head towards Benson’s, being silent in the car at first. “How was your week?” She asks him.

“Good, had a pretty good workout Wednesday.” He grins, looking at her for a moment before looking back at the road. It makes Blair giggle. “Work wasn’t too stressful for a change, although I’m getting anxious about Kate going on maternity leave.”

“Is the intern no good?”

“No, she just doesn’t have a lot of experience. She’ll get the hang of it.” He shrugs. “How was your week, how are you feeling?”

“I’m okay. I spoke with my mom last night, she’s doing alright. My aunt’s been staying with her, so that’s good.”

“Do you think she’ll sell the house?”

“Nah, she likes where she lives, but I think she’s going to paint and change a few things so it doesn’t feel like such a ghost town, you know?”

“Makes sense.” Harry nods. “I know I’ve offered a ton, but if she needs any help with anything, don’t be afraid to ask. I can hold my own with a paintbrush.”

“Thank you, Harry, that’s very sweet.” She gives his shoulder a squeeze. “It was really nice having you in class Wednesday.” She says shyly.

“Yeah? Would you be opposed if I started coming regularly again?”

“Not at all, I’d really like it, actually.” She smiles. “It…it made it easier to wait to see you tonight.” She blushes, and he reaches for one of her hands. He brings it to his lips to kiss her knuckles.

“You’re cute.” He tells her, resting their hands on the console, not letting go at all.

They get to Benson’s, and get seated in a booth. Harry hesitates for a moment, desperately wanting to sit next to her, but he thinks that might be too much too soon, so he sits across from her. She gives him a funny look.

“What?” He asks.

“Nothing…you’re just far away. You usually sit next to me.”

“I didn’t know if you wanted me to.”

“I want you to.” Harry smiles, stands back up, and slides in next to her. She hooks her arms around his and rests her cheek on his shoulder. “Much better.” She sighs. He kisses the top of her head, and a waitress comes over.

“Evening, folks, are you expecting anyone else?” She asks.

“No, love, it’s just us.” Harry says to her, squinting at her nametag. “Becky, is it?”

“Y-yes.” She clears her throat. “Can I get you started with any drinks or appetizers?”

“Definitely two waters.” Blair begins. “And I’ll have a vodka-tonic, please.”

“I’ll have the same.” Harry says. “Do you want an app?” He asks Blair.

“No, I think just the burger will be good.”

“Right, think we’re ready to order dinner.” Harry says to Becky.

“Great! What can I get you?”

“I’ll have the turkey burger with cheddar cheese and sautéed mushrooms.” Blair says.

“And I’ll have veggie burger with avocado.” Harry says.

“Sounds good, I’ll be right back with your drinks.” Becky says, taking their menus before walking away.

“Just a veggie burger?” Blair asks Harry.

“Yeah, I’ve been craving a good one lately, and they make the best here.”

“Very true.” She nods. Becky comes back over with the drinks, and sets them on the table. “So…do anything fun last night?”

“I stayed in.” Harry says, before taking a sip of his drink. “Got caught up on a book I’ve been reading, watched a little TV, nothing special.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t go out with your friends. Isn’t Friday usually your guy’s night?”

“Yeah, I just felt like skipping last night.” He shrugs. “What about you, what did you do?”

“I ran errands all day, and then went to bed early so I could get up for my early classes this morning. Then Riley and I went shopping, and then I did some work at my place. Got ready to go out with you.” She shrugs.

“What does Riley have to say about all this?”

“She’s happy that we’re entertaining the idea of getting back together.” Blair chuckles and sips her drink. “Did you tell anyone we were going out tonight?”

“Mentioned it to my intern…and to John. He wasn’t so enthused.” Harry rolls his eyes.

“He’s never liked me, and I literally have no idea why.”

“Think he was just jealous that I snagged someone as gorgeous and bright as you.” Harry grins. “You know, when we first got together a ton of people gave me shit because you were still in school.”

“I was in my last semester, and I was twenty-one, it wasn’t like I was a child.” Blair scoffs.

“That’s what I said! It wasn’t like I was looking for someone younger than me, it just happened.”

“We just clicked right away, nothing wrong with that.” She inches a little closer to him, her ankle hooking around his under the table.

“Not at all.” His lips graze over hers, but their food is brought over to the table before they can really kiss.

They both giggle and dig into their food, each moaning out at the taste. They continue to talk about things, catching each other on the last year that they weren’t in one another’s lives. It felt easy and natural.

“I don’t wanna be too forward, but would you like to come back to mine when we’re done?” Harry asks.

“I’d like that.” She nods. “Got any sweets at home?”

“Mhm, I’ve got those chewy chocolate chip cookies you like so much.”

“This night just keeps getting better and better.” She smiles. When the check comes, they both reach for it.

“Blair, let go of the check.”

“No, I wanna pay for dinner.”

“I insist, let me pay.”

“Harry, I don’t want you always paying for everything, come on.”

“Fine, can we at least split it?”

“Ugh, fine.” She slaps her card down and so does he.

“So fucking irritating when you do that.” He huffs.

“No, what’s irritating is that you think I can’t pay for stuff.”

“That’s not what this is! I just like paying for our dates, it’s gentlemanly.”

“Yeah, well, it makes me feel like shit.” Becky comes to grabs the cards, and tells them she’ll be right back. “I’m doing well for myself now, I want things to be more equal. I’m not with you for your money.”

“I know you’re not, baby…I just…I can’t help that I wanna spoil you rotten.” He presses his forehead to hers, and she sighs before pecking his lips quickly.

“There are plenty of other ways you can do that, Harry.”

“Am I gonna have the chance?” Becky comes back with their cards, and they both sign their slips before sliding out of the booth. She takes his hand in hers as they walk out.

“Yes.” She says as they both get into the car. “I…I think wanna see where this goes with you, babe. I feel like I’m really ready for you now…”

“That means the world to me, Blair.” Her bottom lip starts to quiver, and he frowns. “Hey, why are you crying?” He reaches to caress her cheek.

“I just can’t believe you basically were waiting for me all this time.” She sniffles. “I feel so shitty. And I feel even shittier because I’m jealous of all the other people you slept with that we weren’t together.”

“Baby.” Harry sighs. “I was so in love with you, still am, none of them meant anything. I’m sorry you feel hurt by it. You don’t need to worry about it now, though, I’m all yours.” Her hand grips the collar of his shirt and she tugs him close to her, only a few centimeters apart.

“Mine.” She says, eyes darkening before her lips crash against his. She nips and sucks at his bottom lip as his hands cup her cheeks, trying to get even closer.

“Fuck.” He breathes, putting his keys in the ignition. “Need to get you home.” He pulls onto the street, and zips them home. His hand grips her thigh the entire time, squeezing it occasionally.

“Thought of you last weekend in the shower.” She says, shifting on her side a little. “Thought of the first time we had sex in the shower.” Her breath is on his ear now, and she nibbles on his lobe.

“Blair.” He warns, but she keeps going, kissing on his neck.

“Made me feel so good, always make me feel good.”

“Blair, I’m going to crash the car, just sit patiently, please.” She sits back normally in her seat. “Thank you.” He sighs. “So, you really thought of me?”

“It was hard not to with you leaving me breakfast.” She pouts at him. “So sweet of you, and I haven’t had a chance to even reward you for being so good to me.”

“You’re still into all that?” He asks cautiously.

“Only for you…do you still like it?”

“Only if it’s you. I told you I didn’t do that with anyone else.”

“You still trust me enough?”

“Course I do, baby.” He reaches for her hand to intertwine their fingers. He drives a little faster to his place, and they finally reach it. “Gonna take care of you first, and then you can do me, alright?”

“Whatever you want, babe.”

They get up to his place, somehow keeping their hands to themselves in the elevator. Before she knows it, Harry’s slamming Blair against the wall of his front hallway, attacking her neck with his lips.

“Gonna mark you up.” He says as he sucks on her skin. “Then everyone will know you’re taken again.”

She whimpers as her response, and pushes his head further into her neck. She wiggles out of her cardigan, and wraps her arms around his neck.

“Jump.” He grunts into her ear, and she does so, wrapping her legs around his waist so he can carry her to his bedroom. He sets her down on the bed, letting her get her shoes off. He does the same before kneeing onto the bed. She takes her tank top off, and his mouth waters at the sight of the bralette. “Christ.” He breathes as he gropes her supple breasts. “Missed these.” He sucks on her nipple through the lace, and her head rolls back. He does the same to the other one, getting it nice and pebbled. One of his hands slides down between her legs and he whimpers. “Need to get these off you, that okay?”

“Mhm, yeah, please.”

He undoes her button and zipper, yanking the jeans off of her. His eyes widen when he sees the matching panties.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Blair. Are these new?”

“Yeah, bought them today, just for you.” She props herself up on her elbows. “Wouldn’t mind you taking them off, though.”

Harry nearly growls as he tugs them down her legs. His hands slide up and down her smooth skin, having missed the feeling of her skin on his. He spreads her legs apart, and starts leaving open mouthed kisses on her inner thighs, sucking some nasty bruises into them. Blair clutches at his blankets and grits her teeth while he has his fun marking her up.

“Can I?” He asks, looking up at her. “Can I taste you?”

“Yes, of course you can.” She reaches forward to push his hair back, and he smiles at her before licking up her slit.

He licks and sucks all around her folds before working his tongue around her clit, sucking on it briefly before bringing his thumb to it. He licks into her center, making her mewl as he essentially just makes out sloppily with the area.

“Yes, fuck.” Her hands rake through his hair. “Feels so good, Harry.” She grinds against his face, and he moans against her. “Harry, fingers, please, use your fingers.” She whines.

He lifts his head from her, and reaches his hand up to her so she can suck on his fingers. She does so happily, and then he slips two fingers inside her. She gasps and lets her body go slack against the bed.

“Baby, shit, you’re so fucking tight, does it hurt?”

“No, feels so god, m’so wet.”

“I know, you’re dripping.” He pulls his fingers out and sucks on them, moaning again before slipping them back inside to the knuckle.

“R-right there.” She whimpers. Her mouth was open, body writhing under his, having not been touched by another man in almost a year, her body was reacting on overdrive. Her back was arching, and she was pushing her head further into the mattress. “Harry, Harry!” She screams as she comes around his fingers, and he fucks her through it, sucking on her clit to prolong it. As she starts to come down he sits up, and starts taking his shirt off. “Fuck, I’m gonna give it to you so good.” She sits up and watches he takes his clothes off. She takes her bralette off, and tosses it on the floor.

“How do you want me?”

“That depends…um…what would you like me to do? Like, how…how hard do you wanna go tonight?”

“I wanna be able to touch you since it’s been so long, and I wanna be able to look at you.”

“Alright, so we can just keep it sweet and easy, save the rest for another time.”

“Yeah…work back up to it.”

“Get on your back, m’gonna ride you.”

Harry gets himself situated, sitting up against the headboard. Blair raises an eyebrow at him.

“Just wanna be as close as possible tonight, baby.”

“Okay.” She smiles, and gets herself on his lap.

“Are you still on the pill?”

“Mhm, are you okay to not use a condom?”

“Definitely don’t want to. Need feel you.”

“Need to feel you too.”

She grips his hard cock, giving it a few pumps before she guides it inside herself. Her mouth falls open as she feels him stretch her out. Harry looks down and watches as she swallows him whole. They both moan out once he’s full inside her. Her fingernails dig into his shoulders as she gets adjusted to him. His hands squeeze at her hips and ass.

“Shit, Harry.” She presses her forehead to his. “Missed you so much.”

“Missed you too.” He cups her cheeks and kisses her as she starts to slowly rock on and off him. His tongue slips into her mouth, and she grips at his back as she kisses him back. “You feel so fucking good.” He says before biting her bottom lip, sucking on it.

She whimpers and moves herself a little faster on him. She grinds herself against him, feeling the friction on her clit start to form. His arms wrap around her back, his fingers digging into her skin.

“Move with me.” She says into his ear before nibbling on it.

He groans as he starts to thrust up into her. She starts to bounce up and down him, moving his hands to her hips. He watches as her breasts bounce in front of his face, and he leans in to kiss and suck on them. Her head rolls back with pleasure. She wanted to feel his tongue all over her. She brings two fingers to his mouth, and he takes them in quickly. He looks up at her as he sucks on them, swirling his tongue around them, and nipping at the pads of them. She takes them away to rub at her clit.

He growls, and moves to pin her on her back, surprising her completely. He was never like this in bed with her. She looks up at him with wide eyes as he throws one of her legs over his shoulder, and replaces her fingers with his own. She groans at his touch. He was driving himself in so much deeper and she could barely handle it.

“Okay?” He asks her, panting slightly.

“Mhm, it’s good, so good.” One of her hands goes to the back of his neck, pulling him down for a sloppy kiss. They breathe each other in and out once they both start panting. “Harry, fuck, I’m so close.” She squeezes around him and he bites down on her shoulder.

“Blair.” He moans into her ear. “Can I come inside you?”

“Yes! Fuck, yes, please!” She screams as she’s coming again, feeling even more turned on when she feels Harry’s hot come start to fill her up. She grinds her hips towards his trying to make her orgasm last as long as possible. “Love it when you fill me up, feels so good.” She says as she continues to squeeze around him.

He slots his mouth over hers as they both start to come down. Their tongues mold together as they kiss lazily. He’s slow to pull out, but he was too sensitive to stay inside her any longer. She squeezes her legs closed to try to not make a mess. Harry scoops Blair up quickly bridal style to carry her to the bathroom, setting her down gently on the toilet, and leaving her to do her business. When she walks out of the bathroom, he’s laying on his bed in a fresh pair of boxers with a dreamy smile on his face. She climbs onto the bed and lays in between his legs, resting her head on his tummy. She buries her face into his soft skin while he starts to card through her mussed up hair.

“So…we’re really back together?” He asks after a few moment of peaceful silence. She looks up at him with a smile on her face.

“Yeah, I really wanna be your girlfriend again.”

“You have no idea how happy I feel right now.” He continues to play with her hair as she sets her head back down.

“You’ve never really taken control like that before…I kinda liked it.” She peers up at him again, grinning. “Maybe I should see what being the sub feels like sometime.”

“Oh, baby, I don’t know if I could switch like that. Don’t think I’d get much pleasure in making you wait for things. Think I’d give in the second you asked for something.” He chuckles.

“You’re so cute, Harry, but I understand what you’re saying. I don’t mind being the one to do that stuff when you really need it, babe.” She moves further up his body so she can be closer to his face. “Do you think in a bit when you’re ready to go again we could…bring out some of your ties?”

“Feel like I’m already bloating back up, fuck.” He groans, and kisses her.

“You know what I’ve really missed doing with you?” She says, moving her lips to the shell of his ear.

“What, baby?”

“Fucking that tight hole of yours.” She says lowly, and he whimpers.

“Yes.” He breathes, and she looks at him. “Still have everything, it just hasn’t been used in a while.”

“Would you really wanna get into all of that tonight? I mean, I’m game if you are…you seemed hesitant before.”

“I just wanted to feel really close with you before, but now that we’ve got that out of our system I’m definitely up for it.” He pecks her lips. “We’ve got the rest of the weekend to do all we want.”

“Mmm, and the weekend after that, and the weekend after that, and maybe sometimes during the middle of the week. Oh! Remember when I used to come to your office at work, and I’d let you bend me over your desk, god, that was always so hot.”

“Or that time we screwed in that bathroom at your studio?” His smile was incredibly mischievous.

“Or the times you sit me up on the counter in your kitchen and fuck me?”

“Or the time you bent me over my own desk her here?”

“I think it’s time we make some new memories.” She says, getting off of him, and extending her hand out to him for him to follow.

“Couldn’t agree with you more.”

Blair leads them inside Harry’s walk in closet where he kept his box of toys. It was still in the same spot as always. She pops the lid off and they both smile at each other.

“How long do you think I could edge you for?” She asks him.

“Um, I should be okay to go for a while since I already came.”

“Excellent.” She picks up a cock ring, the kind that vibrates. “We’ve got a lot of time to make up for.”

[viktorrotkiv]

Every Single Flavor of Feeling

Hey @impossiblyizzy ​, here is my gift to you for the @b99fandomevents​ Summer 2021 Fic Exchange.

I picked the prompt “A coffee shop AU revolving around the impending closing of the coffee shop - can include a ship if you want but I’m always happy just seeing the squad as friends!” I played around with the prompt slightly, really hope you don’t mind <3

Rating: G

Words: 2.6k

Read on AO3

Jake crossed the street towards the coffee shop, a piece of paper in his hands, looking glum. Gina watched him from behind the counter, polishing mugs in preparation for the shop opening in forty minutes.

Jake was late, as usual. They were both supposed to be there an hour before opening time. But as he pushed the door open, sending the bell dinging, he looked too sad to reprimand. “Hey, G.”

“Hey, Jake.” Gina warily put the mug down. “What’s up?”

“Nothing.” Jake looked around the shop helplessly, his gaze blank. “Um, what do you need me to do?”

Gina decided not to push him. Jake always talked eventually. “You can turn everything on.”

Jake lumbered around the shop, preheating the ovens for the frozen pastries they made each morning, turning on the coffee machines and the milk frother, setting up the AC.

*

Forty-five minutes later, Gina and Jake shared their mandatory start-of-work cinnamon bun. Stuffing the last sticky bite into his mouth, Jake seemed somewhat cheered up.

“So…” Gina picked at her half of the pastry, savoring it. “Are you going to tell me what that is?” She pointed at the paper Jake had been holding, just visible over the side of his bag.

Jake took a big breath. “Yeah, I guess I should. I, uh…”

The bell dinged again, signaling the first customer’s arrival.

“Later, then. I promise.” Jake put on his cheerful customer face and manned the register.

*

At the end of every shift they had together, Jake and Gina tossed a coin to decide who would do the good part of cleanup and who got the bad parts. Mopping the floors and wiping the table was of course on the good list, since you could pretend the mop was a microphone and dance around. Cleaning the ovens and coffee machines was bad, since you had to crouch and sometimes your clothes got dirty.

Today, Gina was slightly happy that she got the bad chores. Two minutes sliding around on the wet floors and Jake’s mood would be improved. By the time he got to the tables, he would talk.

“G.” She was right. Jake cleared his throat before continuing. “I have some news. I, uh, I passed the last of the tests. I graduate from the police academy next week.”

Gina straightened up so fast that she banged her head against the oven’s ceiling, but she was so excited she could hardly feel it. “That’s amazing! Jake! Why have you been moping around all day?”

Jake had his back to her, so she couldn’t see his face, but she could hear his voice breaking. “It’s just… It’s the first thing we’re not doing together since… since gym classes were separated into boys and girls in middle school. Remember how devastated we were? And this is so much bigger.” He sniffled. “G, we’ve done everything together. Elementary school, middle school, high school, now this job. I went through the police academy alone, but I still saw you here all the time. What am I supposed to do without you?” He finally turned to look at her, eyes wet.

Gina dropped everything she was holding and ran to hug Jake, banging her ribs against the counter in her urgency. “Jakey, who knew you were so sweet and sentimental?”

“Ew. No. No, Gina, get off of me. You’re covered in oven gunk! Gina!” Jake leaped back and crashed into a table. Rubbing his lower back, he glowered at Gina, but he couldn’t stay mad at her for long.

Gina took a step back and adopted a rare serious expression. “You’ll be fine. You’re one of the smartest, bravest, best people I know.” Her gaze turned mischievous. “And I know a lot of people. Because actually the first thing we didn’t do together was me being popular in high school, and you weren’t. And you got through that.”

“Hey! Not nice.” Jake punched her shoulder half-heartedly, but he was clearly touched. “Thanks, Gina. But it’s still going to be sad leaving you.”

“I got an idea.”

“Why do you have an extra evil spark of joy in your eyes?”

“We are going to pull the best, grandest, most fuck-with-their-minds pranks you have ever seen before you leave.”

Jake’s eyes lit up with a similar passion. “Let’s brainstorm most prank-able coworkers.”

*

The first prank didn’t go as planned.

Gina kicked Jake behind the counter. “Here he comes,” she hissed.

“Yes, Gina, I can see that. I am also facing the door.” Jake turned back towards the entrance. “Hey, Mike! I just made us some coffee before the customers start coming in. Do you want anything?”

Mike was a little bit confused, but not enough to raise suspicion. Sure, Gina and Jake mostly only spoke to each other, but they were nice enough when they needed to talk to him. “Um, yeah, thanks. I’ll just take a cappuccino.”

“Cool. Cool cool cool. Um, unrelated, can you please go tidy the back room?”

With Mike definitively out of sight, Jake proceeded to pour a shot of every single flavor in the shop into his cup. “Gina, he’s not allergic to anything, right?”

“Who cares?”

“Gina!”

“Fine, yeah, I looked at his personnel file. He’s not allergic to anything. Ooh, but I heard him say he hates blueberries, pump in a bunch of that.”

Jake finished making the coffee and went to find Mike in the back room. “Here, this is yours.”

“Thanks, Jake.” Mike sipped. “Mm. I love having coffee this early in the morning.”

“Notice anything… special?” Jake glanced back at Gina, who shrugged.

“No. Not really. It’s really good.”

“Oh. That’s, uh, great. I was worried because the… uh… milk is almost expired. Glad to hear that it’s not.” Jake backed out of the room slowly and looked at Gina, bewildered.

Gina whispered, “What did you do?”

“Nothing! It had every single possible flavor in the shop! It should taste gross! Way too sweet and completely mismatched.” Jake glanced towards the back room. “We’ve gotta taste that.”

Gina nodded. “Hey, Mike, can you help me with the oven?” She glanced at Jake and waved her hand at him. “Scram!”

Mike emerged from the back room, holding his coffee. “Sure. What do you need?”

“These trays are too heavy for me to put in by myself. Here, take this side.”

“Sure.” Mike placed his coffee on the counter and bent down to help Gina. He didn’t notice Jake sneaking back in from the bathroom and picking up his coffee. Jake sniffed it, shrugged, and took a sip. His look of surprise almost made Gina drop her side of the tray.

“Thanks, Mike.”

“Sure thing, Gina. Oh, Jake, you almost gave me a heart attack. Didn’t see you there.” Mike picked up the coffee and walked away.

Gina motioned for Jake to come closer. “So?”

“It was so disappointing. All the flavors cancel each other out and it just tastes like regular coffee.”

Gina started giggling, which soon turned into full-on stomach-hurting, tear-bringing laughter. “I mean, that wasn’t the plan at all, but you’ve gotta admit that’s kind of hilarious.”

Jake started laughing too, mostly at Gina’s amusement. “I guess. “But, oh, I was so looking forward to seeing his face when he took that first disgusting sip…”

*

The second prank was much more successful.

A few days later, in the middle of a shift, Gina pulled Jake aside. “I have our next idea. So, you know how Tina is always talking about how she can’t live without caffeine, but every Thursday she makes herself a decaf at the end of her shift.”

“Of course I know! It’s the biggest mystery ever. I’ve been dying to ask her for months, but she’s such a bitch.”

“Well, I figured it out.” Gina smiled very smugly. “Every Thursday, her boyfriend asks her to hang out with his boring friends. And she tells him she’s too tired from work. And since she doesn’t get her outrageous amount of caffeine on Thursdays, she falls asleep on the couch, and he has no choice but to let her stay home.”

“Hold on, how do you know all of this?”

“Yesterday she complained to me about how her boyfriend only does boring things, and then she made me follow her puppy’s Instagram account. Her boyfriend comments on almost every post, and since he’s insanely hot, I started following him. Every Thursday he posts a super embarrassing picture of her drooling on the couch, captioned something sappy like ‘my adorable girlfriend works so hard!’, and an hour later—”

“Aww, that’s actually sweet.”

“It’s disgusting, Jake. Anyway, around an hour later he always starts posting pictures with his friends at the least Tina-like places ever. Sports bars, bowling alleys, restaurants that only serve fried chicken, no wonder she never wants to go out with him.”

Jake’s eyes lit up with understanding. “So tomorrow…”

“We’re going to graciously offer to make her coffee.”

“And not use decaf.”

“And she won’t fall asleep embarrassingly early for a grown woman.”

“And then she won’t have any excuse not to hang out with her super boring boyfriend.”

“You got it, Jake!”

“You’re a genius, Gina.”

*

“You okay, Tina?” Jake was behind the counter, and his coworker was clearly getting ready to leave.

“Oh, yeah, I’m okay. I was just going to make myself a coffee and, uh... leave.” She wasn’t really sure why Jake was talking to her.

“Oh, I could make it for you. I’m already on coffee duty.”

“Really?” Tina smiled absentmindedly. “Um, yeah, thanks. Decaf.”

“I know.” Jake turned to Gina, who was restocking the pastry display, and gave her a ridiculously exaggerated wink. She shot him a look that clearly meant, ‘Calm the fuck down.’

Tina was thankfully distracted on her phone, and Jake made her coffee with no hitches, sending her on her way with a cheerful “Good day!” and getting a confused and slightly snarky look in return, as if she had somehow tricked him into making her a drink.

“Now we wait.”

“Woah, G, don’t sneak up on me like that. But yes. Now we cross our fingers and wait.”

*

“Jake!” The next morning, Gina burst into the shop waving her phone excitedly. “Jake, it worked! Look!”

She held her phone uncomfortably close to Jake’s face, but he could clearly make out a picture of a group of guys at a dark and sticky bar, all smiling goofy grins and drinking the most boring beer brands. And, smack dab in the middle of the group, Tina, grimacing.

“It worked!” Jake’s eyes lit up.

“I know! That’s what I said. And guess what! She just called me and said she was going to be late and asked if I could cover for her– because she has a massive hangover. She started telling me how you must be too dumb to find the decaf coffee because she had clearly asked for it. It was hilarious.”

Jake grinned. “Well, I can stand being called stupid by Tina, of all people. Especially since I’ll be gone soon.” He seemed to realize what he had just said and drooped slightly.

“We’re in denial, Jake. Denial. Now go back to work.”

*

The third and final prank was the most preposterous, and arguably the meanest.

A week before Jake was supposed to leave, he and Gina noticed that one of their coworkers, Brian, only had shifts with either one or both of them for the entire week.

“We’re going to pretend we don’t know him. At all. Be confused when he comes in, be baffled when he goes behind the counter. Eventually concede and let him help out, but don’t acknowledge that he’s always worked here.”

“Gina, that’s insane.” Jake was seriously worried about whatever hellscape Gina was going to put their coworkers through when he left.

“Fine. Then we’ll just convince him everyone else was fired and it’s going to be the three of us from now on.”

Jake considered this. “Okay. But if he threatens to quit or anything I’m going to tell him the truth.”

“Gosh, you’re boring. But fine.”

*

“Hey, Brian. How are you dealing with everything?”

“Hey, Jake! What everything?”

Jake tried to keep hold of his serious expression and kept on cleaning the counter. “You know. It’s going to be so much busier now.”

Brian put his bag down tentatively on a chair and started putting on his apron. “Why?”

Jake stared at him. “You’re joking, right? It’s just us and Gina now.”

“Oh, you mean today!” Brian chuckled and stepped behind the counter to help Jake.

Jake finally stopped wiping. “No, I mean from now on.” He lowered his voice and leaned in conspiratorially. “Didn’t anyone tell you? They let everyone else go. Everyone.” He added in an even quieter voice: “Budget cuts.”

Brian became red, then white. “Are you serious?”

Jake was starting to feel bad, but he kept going for his best friend. “Yup. So, how many shifts can you take? Because you know I’m leaving soon, and they’ll probably bring someone to replace me, but, you know, it’s not the same with a new guy… Aaand you’re on the floor.”

Brian had fainted.

*

“So, how did it go?” Gina called Jake at the end of his shift.

“It was fun for a minute, but I had to tell him the truth.”

“Boo. I didn’t even get to see it. How long did it last?”

“Actually, when I said a minute, I wasn’t exaggerating. The second I finished explaining the whole story he fainted. Sorry, G, I know it’s my last week and you wanted to do something big… Maybe—”

“Hold up, hold up. He fainted? After one minute?”

“Um, yep.” Jake pulled the phone away from his ear to make sure he hadn’t hung up by accident. “G? Gina? I can’t hear you.”

“That’s because—” wheeze, “I’m dying—” wheeze, “of laughter.”

“Oh.” Jake’s shoulders lost some tension he hadn’t realized was there, and then he started laughing too. “It was so great. I had to pick him up, and then when I explained everything he almost fainted again…”

*

Jake crossed the street towards the coffee shop, a piece of paper in his hands, looking excited. Gina watched him from behind the counter, polishing mugs in preparation for the shop opening in forty minutes.

Jake was late, as usual. Wait. No. Jake didn’t work there, as of two days ago. He had gotten a job at a police precinct, he shouldn’t be in the shop before opening time. But as he pushed the door open, sending the bell dinging, his enthusiasm was too contagious to reprimand. “Hey, G.”

“Hey, Jake.” Gina gently put the mug down. “What’s up?”

“Nothing.” Jake looked around the shop casually, taking his time. “Except that I’m the best best friend ever and I got you a job interview, if you want it.” He then turned to look directly at her, smiling his mischievous grin in all its glory.

“What?!” Gina practically jumped over the counter to hold Jake and jump around excitedly. “What job? No, whatever it is, it’s better than this, with the oven gunk and the disgusting customers and Tina.”

Jake’s grin still hadn’t let up. “So, it turns out, the precinct that hired me is looking for a receptionist, and I recommended you, and they said they would let you interview. You just need to sit at a desk, your own desk, and answer some phone calls and emails, know where the officers are, maybe file some reports.”

Gina stopped jumping and wrapped her arms around Jake. “And we would work together again. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.”

[meganambers]

When it comes down to interviewing celebrities, whether they are actors, musicians or influencers, there is sometimes an issue separating them from their fame, which makes it complicated to talk to them, one-on-one. From the very beginning, I was quite nervous talking to Broderick because of his obvious notoriety and clear resemblance to the Queen, Beyonce. But from the first sound of the kindness in his voice and reassurance that this was just a conversation between two regular people talking about life, the culture, and our hopes and dreams. 

For those who aren’t familiar with who Broderick Hunter is, Broderick is a 29-year-old Model and Actor from California. He started his modeling career at the tender age of 20, in 2011, and has since been featured in magazines such as Cosmopolitan,  Maxim,  Essence, and even Vogue Paris. Aside from modeling, Broderick took the initiative to embark on his acting career, becoming the love interest in Ciara’s Sorry music video, to later appear in Issa Rae’s “Insecure” and most recently, BET+’s “Carl Weber’s Influence”. It was such a pleasure to talk to Broderick about his movie, his plans for the future and his stance on the culture of today. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. 

Megan Ambers: I really appreciate you taking the time to have this interview with me. To be honest, I was a little nervous because you are one of the first well-known public figures that I have spoken to. 

Broderick Hunter: (Laughs)

Megan: I talk to a lot of underground and up-and-coming musicians, so I was a little nervous. 

Broderick: No need to be nervous, mama. I appreciate you doing this a lot. I really do. 

Megan: Thank you. I am not going to keep you, because I know you are a very busy person. So, my first question is how are you doing? What new things do you have going on and is there anything we should be looking out for? 

 Broderick: Well, everything has been really, really good for the most part. My movie, “Carl Weber’s Influence” on BET+, just dropped last week (Feb 20), Thursday. And today, we just got our billboard in Times Square for the promotion for it. So that was exciting because this was one of my first films and I never saw a promo for a film that I am in. So, I am just very excited about that and I have another movie coming out later in the year called, “California Love”. We don’t really have a set date on that yet, but I also star in that with Robert Ri’chard, Columbus Short and Allen Payne. So, I am just really looking forward to a lot of things coming up and because I came up from fashion and being known as one of the top black models, making this transition into acting has been very rewarding. It wasn’t always very easy at first, but I have seen how good GOD has been working out these opportunities for me. And you know my first stint was in “Insecure”, so I have just really been enjoying the process and watching things unfold.   

  Megan: As you just mentioned, you just had a movie that was released just last week, where you play, Michael Jones, a young Harvard grad attorney. For the readers who have yet to see the movie, can you share with them who Michael is?  

 Broderick: My character Michael Jones starts out in an all-white law firm, which you would see more at the beginning of the movie. He is very eager to find an opportunity for getting into a better space. And Bradley Hudson, played by Roger Guenveur Smith, he basically comes into the situation and Michael asks him for an opportunity and what Michael doesn’t know that he is literally about to be involved in this big murder case has been going on. I play a very pivotal moment where I—without giving away the story, but I play a very pivotal moment in the story being this new lawyer at this law firm. So that’s all I am going to say. (laughs) 

 Megan: And in what ways would you say your character Michael is similar and different from you, Broderick?  

 Broderick: Michael is similar to me by his tenacity. He is very upfront and very much ‘In your face’, and that’s kind of like how I was during my fashion years. When I was in Milan (Italy), trying to model for these prominently white brands, who weren’t taking on a lot of black models, I would crash different events that I wasn’t invited to just to end up booking a show because I knew where I belonged. So, Michael as well, he knew where he belonged and he knows where he wanted to go with his career and his life and he basically just took the jump into asking and putting himself out on a whim and hoping for the best results. So that is one way that we are very similar. Where I and Michael are kind of different, Michael is shy. Sometimes he can be a little quiet at times, he likes to sit back and listen. While personally, I don’t mind talking. (laughs) So there are certain times in the movie, you will see that Michael is really shy and not want to say too much. But you will also see that he is in sync with everything, he just doesn’t want to say too much or come off the wrong way.  

 Megan: I can relate to that. (laughs) So with this character having similarities and differences from you personally, how did you prepare for this role? What made you want to be, Michael Jones? 

 Broderick: Well, the character was presented to me through Trey Haley, the director, and Jeff Lam, the producer. They had already had me in mind for several different roles, that they were working on for other shows. This was a movie in particular that they were really prepping and pushing for that had finally had gotten the green light. And they presented me with the script and asked me, “How do you like this character?”, “Do you think this is something you would like to play?”. And I read over the script and I just saw the arch and how big Michael played a role in the case and I really did enjoy being a part of—not only the beginning but the middle and the end of the storyline. So, I really just liked Michael’s personality and how it was embedded into the sequences because all of the characters that you will see from Roger, Kellita, Todd and myself, all of their characters are vastly different in how they approach certain circumstances and I felt as though there was a lot of room for me to play with Michael in terms of my role in the movie.  

 Megan: And as you have mentioned before, you filmed with a lot of prestigious and well-known actors and actresses, such as Deborah Cox. Describe how your experience with working with these actors was like. 

 Broderick: Nerve-wracking. Oh my god. Because we sometimes we shoot out of sequence with these films, I remember my first day of shooting, despite prepping, being ready to go and relatively comfortable, once the cameras started rolling, I couldn’t–for the life of me– get my lines out. And I realized that it was because I was a little timid. So being in front of these people, it was just very intimidating for the first day until I was able to get out of my head and by the second and third day and on, it just became so much easier to mesh with these people. They were very supportive in letting me be me and allowed me to be involved with myself and everything. It was a very good and welcoming experience and I got so much knowledge from working with them. It was an honor.  

https://twitter.com/BroderickHunter/status/1230612370856333312?s=20

Megan: Now for those who are familiar with your resume, you got your start in the fashion world as a model and are now adapting to acting. But recently you announced that you were joining the Reebok family. How did this collaboration come about? 

 Broderick: Well, a lot of these collaborations, Reebok particularly, a lot of these people are familiar with me and have been following me for a long time, my agency was doing some light pitches and the for the majority of the time, these pitches about me, most of the time these people are saying, “omg, I’ve been  following him for years.” For the amount of time that I have had my Instagram, I’ve always been making these funny videos and just remaining well-rounded, outside from just posting pictures. So, I have grown a following from brands and people like Reebok, Nike, Old Spice and etc., and they just really like the way I post [things online]. When Reebok found out that I had things going on, Allen Iverson had just dropped his new sneakers, “the A.I. Question Mids.”, and they knew that I liked to do giveaways. So, they allowed me to construct a giveaway, to not only give away a pair of sneakers but to also engage with my followers and learn more about their origins and loving where they came from. So, it also gave me a way to reach out to my followers and let them share their stories and have me share mines. So, that’s kind of like how that happened.  

Megan: Okay, and are there any plans to create sneakers with them or to become a more permanent ambassador for them? 

 Broderick: Oh yeah, working with Reebok is definitely something that is becoming more of a permanent thing. This is just one of the things that we are doing. But this is more of a contractual ambassadorship program that we are doing together. That and also, I have a new contract with HiSmile, which does teeth whitening and things like that. With my YouTube channel, “Self-care with Broderick”, where I talk about hair care, skincare, all stuff care-related, and they liked what I was doing with my self-care stuff. Now I have a whole new ambassadorship with them, contractually where I get to share about the teeth whitening, so it has been really fun and yet interesting at the same time.  

 Megan: Nice. Nice. So, now I am going to ask a few light-hearted and fun questions so that the fans and readers can learn more about yourself. We can all agree that you look very much like Beyonce, you know. We see the resemblance. (laughs) 

 Broderick: Mainly in the hips. (laughs) 

 Megan: (laughs)  

 Broderick: And in the nose, especially.  

 Megan: What can you say you have learned about yourself since becoming a celebrity? 

 Broderick: Um…You know what is funny? I’ve never exactly looked at myself as a celebrity or a public figure. I’ve always had just maintained just being Broderick Hunter. And that is just something that my mom has always instilled in me. Whether people know you or not, you just make sure that you are the same you every day, throughout the rest of your life. So, I think it most so came down to me knowing and loving myself and being my most authentic self, while people know who I am at the same time. So, becoming this person that people kind of know of and people that want to–you know, be around and take pictures with, it’s just really been a humbling experience. I never would have thought that people would just want to get to know me for me, you know. Just in terms of knowing my work and stuff like that, but the majority of the conversations that people come up to me and say, “Hey man, I follow you and your work and you’re such a nice person.”  

Megan: Right.  

 Broderick: And that’s my main reward that I get from all of that. So, since I’ve become this person, it hasn’t really changed who I am. It just made me want to enhance and increase the value that I want to bring to people’s lives and make them feel loved and comfortable.  

 Megan: Okay, cool. And which of the two industries, Modeling, and Acting, do you feel you are more natural at? Or is it a combination of both? 

 Broderick: Ah, man. Well, people know me for my modeling and modeling has always been very—uh—it has been a craft that I have definitely gotten more accustomed to. With acting, it has been more of a challenge for me, for instance, I am horrible at remembering lines and I always overthink of where I want to take my character or where I want my character to be or how they respond to the other characters. I am like a huge Capricorn, so I overthink. So, I would definitely say modeling has been more natural for me, but acting has been a good challenge for me because it has helped me in photographing. So now when I take photographs, I am able to let certain sides of myself show, in-depth, other than just taking a pretty photo.  

 Megan: So, let’s say thirty years from now, a director comes to you and they tell you that they want to direct the film of your life. 

 Broderick: hmm… 

 Megan: Who would you want to play you in the film, and why? 

 Broderick: So, a director comes and they want to make a film of my life… Sheesh. Okay. This is thirty years from now, so that means all of the young actors are probably going to be like my age or older, umm… Well, there is no one in particular, that I would say thirty years from now, but I would just want a kid—a beautiful brown kid, with a fade… 

 Megan: (laughs) 

 Broderick: Yeah, that’s it. Just a beautiful brown kid with a fade and then when he gets older, around 15 years old, I want somebody kind of like Caleb McLaughlin, that played on “Stranger Things”, I want a kid like that to play a teen [version of me]. And then for the older years, I want somebody kind of like a young Derek Luke in a sense, to play my twenties. And then in my thirties, I need someone like a Beyoncé or Idris Elba.  

 Megan: (Laughs) 

 Broderick: You know what I’m saying? To play my adult years. But preferably, someone like Beyoncé.  

 Megan: I am almost certain Beyoncé would be honored to play you in a movie.  

 Broderick: Well, we’re twins. (laughs) I promise you I never saw the resemblance until we [Broderick and his girlfriend] to the “On the Run” tour, and I heard people screaming and Beyoncé wasn’t on stage. And I told my girlfriend, “Babe, people are just screaming “Beyoncé” and she’s not even on stage.” And she was like, “Yeah, because its Beyoncé” and I was like, “No, they screaming at me. They think I’m Beyoncé.” 

 Megan: (Laughs) 

 Broderick: And she was like, “Boy, if you don’t get your ass out of my face.” So, people just be hating, but it’s all good.  

 Megan: Well the resemblance is uncanny. I honestly, don’t know how anyone doesn’t see it.  

 Broderick: I barely saw it but then everybody else just maximized it. But it’s cool. (laughs) 

 Megan: (laughs) Are there anybody that you would love to work with? Like a bucket list of people, you would like to work side by side with.  

 Broderick: Um… I would love to do something with Barry Jenkins (director of Moonlight), I would love to—man, I am really hoping to one day and I hope they would greenlight this, but I would love to do a film with like me, Trevante Rhodes (Moonlight), Kofi Siriboe (Girls Trip), and Lance Gross, and just take all the elite black men—I would love to just do a film that is catered around that, a storyline about that. I would love to share the screen with just people of that caliber because they do it with the white folks all the time. They do it with Leonardo Dicaprio, Brad Pitt, you know what I’m saying? But I feel like, with black men, we haven’t had a film where it’s like—maybe in the 90s, with like Tupac and Omar Epps and stuff like that. But I feel like, in the 2020s, I feel like it’s time for a new film, where you get all the elite black actors together and we just make a film that is going to be enjoyable. So that’s what I would ideally like to do. To share the screen with a bunch of kings.  

 Megan: And do you feel like this is something that you can do on your own? 

 Broderick: I mean, I am sure we can probably compose a short, but these guys got schedules. (laughs)  

 Megan: You’re right.  

 Broderick: These people got schedules; you know? So, in my mind and in spirit, I just hope this is something that will come through in the pipeline. Where we are all able to share our projects together. And do something that is for the culture. You know, because as black people, it’s our time.  

 Megan: It’s true. And I guess, there is no point in asking you about your feelings about the importance and the state of the culture because it’s evident that you acknowledge that the culture is us. We made it to what it is today and we are a little too kind in sharing it with others.  

 Broderick: Uh-huh.  

 Megan: I mean off-topic, I have had conversations with people who felt as though, “Oh, I thought we were down with it, too…” and it’s like you can’t live it, it’s not in your DNA. You can love it, you can admire it, but you can’t live it.  

 Broderick: You get it.  

 Megan: So, there is no point in asking you that question because we here—we are here.  

 Broderick: We are eye to eye, mama.  

 Megan: Yes. So, share a fun fact about yourself. Anything that no one knows about you that you are willing to share.  

 Broderick: Dang, what a difficult—I mean sheesh. I feel like I am always—that is such a common question, that I can’t quite put my thumb on it. I mean people still don’t know that I am half Nigerian on my mother’s side. I hope that that is getting to the surface now. I’ve been saying it for the past 10 years. But people are just—eh. (laughs) But I don’t think there is anything that most people don’t already know, that falls on the spectrum out of my personal life. Yeah, that’s about it.  

 Megan: Nice. So, the last question is what advice would you give to somebody that’s looking to pursue a career in modeling or acting, that looks like us, but don’t have the confidence or constantly hit with roadblocks and obstacles. What would you say to that person, that child, who’s on the verge of giving up? 

 Broderick: I would say that there are always going to be times where things don’t work out in your favor and things don’t fall into the grand idea of how you want something to be. But I always say that when you are walking along with your passion, be prepared to deal with the adversaries, and when the adversaries do come know that that’s working in your favor. And to continue to keep going. Just because—from personal experience, I know what it feels like to want to give up, but all of those times that I wanted to give up, something would spark that would keep me going. And then I would get exactly or somewhat closer to what I’ve been working for. So, I would just tell people to continue to go on about the path of learning, continue to ask questions, don’t be afraid to connect and ask people for help. There is so much knowledge to go around, but if you pull yourself out of that, you are taking yourself away from what could possibly be for you. So, the best thing you can ever do is stay in it, be persuasive, persevere, walk into places, ask for the manager, show your face and just overall, stay a good person. It’s not about what you do, it’s about who you are and the quality of person that you are.   

 Megan: That was beautiful. Well, I appreciate your time once again. 

 Broderick: Well, I appreciate you, thank you.  

 Megan: I would ask if you have any questions for me, but I am not all that important. (laughs) 

 Broderick: Oh, you’re definitely important. How long have you been working with “The Source”? 

Megan: Well, I worked for “The Source”, close to six months and I actually left them and have been going back and forth with freelancing. Prior to, I worked with Hollywood Unlocked and since then I worked with Vashtie.com, 1 AM Radio with YesJulz, etc., and I started focusing on my own website. So as much as I love writing for bigger publications, it gives me the opportunity to talk to people, like yourself, I am really set to focus on my brand–

Broderick: Mmhmm… 

Megan: Just as how Necole [Kane] did with XONecole, or how Karen Civil has done with her Civil brand. But it is not easy, to come to certain people or to reach out to them and say, “Hey, I have this brilliant pitch and I would like to talk to such-and-such about what they have going on,” because usually, their first question that they ask is, “Oh, who are you writing for?” You know, and I always say, “Myself.” And it’s like, “Well, is there a bigger publication that you can freelance for, maybe?” So it’s hard, but I still try to use my connections with my former employers and my friends in the industry, and just say “Hey, do you think you can put in a good word for me?” But I can’t ignore my own child, which is my website. I’ve neglected her long enough. (laughs) And now it’s time to build her up like I have been. 

Broderick: And I think you are doing a fabulous job and I think you are going to continue being involved in the right spaces, for the right things and the right opportunities. And just hearing you and how you talk, and how you interview, I totally feel like your brand will definitely grow and you have my word, I always credit articles and posts that I am a part of. I always credit the writer or the publisher. So, I will definitely make sure that people know who is responsible because it seems like you are doing a great job. 

Megan: Thank you.

Broderick: And I am quite sure that you’re going to continue to make major head waves, and when you start building your brand, it’s going to work out. 

Megan: Thank you. I am hoping to one day be in the spaces of you and others, rubbing elbows–

Broderick: Oh, you will.  

Megan: You know, “Hey, how you doing?”, “Nice, seeing you again.”

Broderick: (Laughs) “Hey, how you doing.” 

Megan: (laughs)

Broderick: “So, you came– you got the invite, too? Ok. That’s nice.”

Megan: (Laughs) Exactly. No more losing invites in the mail. But thank you for your time.

Broderick: Oh, I appreciate it. And just thank you for your time, I really, really appreciate you being flexible. 

Megan: Thank you. So you have yourself a good night. 

Broderick: Alright, my friend. 

Sitting Down With Broderick Hunter When it comes down to interviewing celebrities, whether they are actors, musicians or influencers, there is sometimes an issue separating them from their fame, which makes it complicated to talk to them, one-on-one.

[savemefromanepicoftimewasted]

The Savior, and The Broken

Actor!Bucky Barnes X Veteran!Steve Rogers Natasha Romanoff X Reader Except, when James was old enough to finally choose a career, he couldn’t possibly imagine becoming an actor.

a/n:there are mentions of PTSD, depression, heavy drinking, heavy swearing

If you’d asked little James Barnes what he wanted to be when he grew up, he’d throw his arms out and scream that he wanted to be an astronaut.  To be close to the stars and learn all he could about the planets that surrounded us.  If you were to ask when he was older, just now turning thirteen, he’d say a doctor.  He wanted to save lives as much as he could, people were sure it was because of his best friend.  The boy was sick more often than not, forced to stay indoors while other kids played and enjoyed their childhoods.

Except, when James was old enough to finally choose a career, he couldn’t possibly imagine becoming an actor.

His family had uprooted from their small home in Brooklyn, New York to Shelbyville, Indiana.  James didn’t hate it too much, his only regret was having to leave behind his closest friend, unable to protect him anymore.

Everyone had noticed the way James grew into himself, sharp cheekbones, stone colored eyes that captivated everyone, and a smile that could melt even the coldest of hearts.  It was how he’d risen to the top so quickly, taking role after role, receiving more awards than he could handle all at once.  

The fame was more than he could ever expect, gorgeous men, and women hanging off his arm at awards shows.  Movie premieres where fans were screaming his name.

Hell, he had become a household name within a few months of his first film release.

It wasn’t anything to ride home about, based off a book that was written in the early 1960’s, a story that captivated him from the very beginning.  The press release was one of his favorite times, the way the interviewers seemed to stumble over their words.

He wasn’t ignorant to his looks, knew very well how often most people talked to him solely because he caught their eye from afar.  And he’d been a little greedy himself, choosing the best looking person to go home with for the night.

At the end of the day, James seemed content and happy with how his life was going, family well taken care of, a house that was paid off before he could blink, and a career that was steadily rising.

There was just one thing missing, and he couldn’t put his finger on exactly what that could be.

OOO ~~~ James stood inside the kitchen, sipping a glass of whiskey his father had pushed into his hand the moment he arrived.  

They were celebrating Becca graduating from college, she’d gone to school to become a nurse, and had graduated top of her class.  James was very proud of her, hugging her tightly and giving her a few gifts he’d bought.

He knew better than to buy anything overly expensive, she’d refuse and give it back to him within mere seconds.  So he went with simple things instead.  Bath bombs to help relax her after the years of stress she’d dealt with, some scented candles, and a weighted blanket for nights she seemed too strung out to sleep.

“Thanks Bucky, you’re the best.” She wrapped her arms around him, laughing as he squeezed her tighter.

“Only the best for my sis, so you let your husband know who's clearly number one priority.” James snickered, catching Becca’s fists before she could sock him in the arm.

Winnie, and George Barnes were supportive of both their kids, wanting nothing but the best for them.  James had been nervous to get into the acting business, watching the way it could tear even the strongest people apart.  It wasn’t until he’d gotten a manager that things seemed to fall into place.

Sam Wilson was a godsend, and James had no problem admitting that Sam kept him sane most of the time.  He’d set up interviews for him, or appearances on shows that had been emailing him almost hourly some days.

“You happy to be home?” Becca took the glass from his hand, finishing off the last of the whiskey.

“For now, I’m gonna be on Jimmy Fallon later this week, Sam’s been talking with his people to see which day works best.” James shrugged lightly, unsure what to do with the information he was telling her.

Becca had always been fascinated by James after he’d become famous, asking about all the different celebrity friends he had.  And sure, he had plenty of celebrity friends, but he didn’t see them as more than normal people.

“I ran into an old friend by the way, Natasha Romanoff.” James felt his blood run cold.

The woman instilled fear in him from the very moment they had met, mainly the fact that she was a woman you did not fuck over.  Not unless you were willing to risk losing a finger, or your life.  She’d been closer to Steve when they first met, and he’d secretly hoped she kept an eye on him after he moved away.

“How’s she doing?  I haven’t seen her since before we moved.” It wasn’t a lie, James’ life had become too busy for him to even breathe.

“She’s good, married actually.” That surprised James, Natasha seemed like the type of woman who preferred solace, so whoever she’d met had a lot of courage.

“That’s surprising.” Becca raised a brow at her older brother, a smirk pulling up her lips.

He knew better than to take the bait, if he said the wrong thing Becca would relay the message to Nat, and he’d wake up with something disgusting in his house.  Speaking from experience of course.

“I met her, she seems perfect for Nat actually.” Oh, that was another shock to James’ mind.

“So not only is she married, but she married a woman, huh.” James rubbed his chin, beard coarse beneath his fingers.

“Her names Y/N, I think she keeps Nat grounded, which is a blessing in disguise for her.” Becca turned, leaving her brother stunned on the porch.

Maybe he could reach out and get into contact with her, see how life has changed since he moved to the middle of nowhere, and then became known wherever he went.

James stayed late into the night, congratulating Becca one last time before he headed back to his apartment.  Alpine was sleeping peacefully on her little cat bed, stretching almost lazily as James set his keys into the bowl beside his door.

“Hey sweetheart, sorry I kept you waiting all night.” James ran his fingers over her fur, smiling as she butted her head into his hand.

James headed down to his bedroom, stripping down to his boxers and plopping down onto the bed with a long sigh.  His phone dinged, vibrating soon after.

Becca had sent him Natasha’s insta, and twitter.  Well, here’s to hoping she doesn’t rip him apart for disappearing all those years ago.

He opened instagram first, checking to see when her latest post was.  Damn, she hadn’t put up a new photo in almost a month, maybe twitter would be more helpful.

The moment he clicked on her profile, he noticed she’d tweeted not even three minutes prior.  He hit follow, and sent her a direct message letting her know who he was, as if his own twitter wasn’t as obvious.

She followed back, and replied to his message as he was playing with Alpine.

RedHeadAssassin:Holy shit, I thought Becca was joking when she said you were in town, how’s hollywood treating you?

James frowned, why would Becca lie about him being in town?  He didn’t stay in New York very often anymore, it was just easier to stay in LA.

JamesBBarnes:Not too bad, I actually have a late night interview this week, so I have to be in town for the next few weeks. RedHeadAssassin:Ahh gotcha, I’m assuming Becca told you that I’m married lol JamesBBarnes:She did, honestly never thought you’d settle down, you always seemed happy by yourself. RedHeadAssassin:You’d be surprised the people you can meet in the army, maybe you can meet her if you’re not too busy James debated, he had almost every day, except for thursday, friday, and saturday completely open for whatever he wanted to do. JamesBBarnes:If you’re not busy tomorrow, I’m completely free. RedHeadAssassin:I have tomorrow off, so you’re in luck, meet me at Benny’s at noon, night Bucky. James sighed, very few people knew about that nickname, aside from his family, only about four people called him Bucky.  Otherwise, he went by his actual name, even if it seemed so formal for his personal taste.

“Well, guess I’m gonna hang out with Nat tomorrow.” James patted the bed gently, watching as Alpine walked over to where he was, plopping onto her side.

Surely things hadn’t changed too much, he’d only been away for the last fifteen years. OOO ~~~ James stepped into the small diner, keeping the collar of his coat pulled up around his face to keep anyone from noticing who he was. Natasha was sitting in a back corner, a stunning woman sat beside her, arm looped loosely around her waist.  That could only mean one thing, James was going to see an old friend, and her wife after years of not speaking.

“Hey, honestly thought you’d gotten lost.” Nat smirked up at James, watching as he took off his jacket and slid into the booth.

“You try being on almost every billboard outside and not get stopped a million and one times.” James wasn’t complaining though, far from it.

They ordered their food and drinks, talking about what had changed when James moved away.  Natasha, and a few other friends had joined the army, though not everyone had come home safe and sound.

“Is..Is Steve still around?” James hadn’t said his name in years, pushing the memories far into the back of his mind.

“Oh, you don’t know then.” Natasha held her glass tighter, sighing softly.

James felt his throat close, what the hell does that mean?

“He joined the army after his dad kicked him out, and he was the definition of a perfect soldier, but before I continue, you need to promise me you won’t make a scene.” Natasha stared down the other man, waiting until he could verbally respond.

“I promise.” Though James’ voice was a whisper, it seemed good enough for Natasha.

Y/N comforted Natasha while she took a few moments to compose herself, eyes red with unshed tears.

“He was on a recon mission when his Humvee was hit, everyone else died, except for Steve.” Natasha turned away, burying her face into Y/N’s neck.

The other woman comforted her wife, whispering softly, too soft for James to be able to pick up whatever she was saying.

“He was captured, the only reason anyone was able to find him was a tracker they put into his gear.  They had him for over two years, did absolutely unspeakable things, he hadn’t seen sunlight the entire time.  The same man who went into that war, wasn’t the same man who came home.” Natasha took a slow breath, wiping her cheeks until the tears stopped.

Steve had gone through something so traumatic it killed the strongest of men, and James was none the wiser.

“Does anyone know where he is?” James felt hopeful, he absolutely needed to see Steve, needed to see that he was alive for himself.

“No, last I heard he was living on the street, he can’t hold down a job because of his PTSD, and the army hadn’t paid him for his service, and everything that happened.” Natasha was seething, more angry at the way her best friend had been treated, tossed aside once he was back home.

The walls seemed to be closing in on James, shock written clearly over his features, hands shaking atop of the table.

“Jesus, I need to find him Nat, please.” James was desperate, there was no other way to explain it.

“He’s not the same kid you remember Bucky, he’s someone else now, you have to remember that.” Natasha wasn’t going to let James off the hook.

He needed to see Steve for himself, to see the horrors he’d had to go through for years before rescue finally came.  How would he react to seeing James?  Would he be happy to see an old friend?  Or would he tell James to leave him alone, that he didn’t need anyone else by his side?

Sam had called a little after three, letting James know his interview was set up for thursday, the episode would be airing on friday.  He could work with that, it’d give him at least two days to try and find Steve.

Becca had told him it wouldn’t be that easy, not with how many people lived in the city of Brooklyn alone.  It wasn’t going to deter James though, he needed to find the man in question, and get some damn answers.

OOO ~~~ “Jesus, they made a movie about his heroism, but didn’t bother to actually credit him, no wonder he went awol.” James frowned down at his phone.

They’d used Steve’s name, saying how he often put himself in the middle of danger to keep his troops safe.  It sounded exactly like Steve, unable to back down from a fight, no matter how dangerous it was.  But when it came to actually giving Steve the credit he rightfully deserved, they claimed he hadn’t wanted to step forwards.

“They wanted to make money off his name, and his image without paying him for it, people do it all the time Buck.” Sam sounded as if he was frowning, though James didn’t doubt that for a second.

“It’s what they do, need to make money off someone who can’t legally defend himself anymore.  How much did it make in sales?” James was terrified to hear the number, to know how much his best friend had been fucked over.

Sam was quiet for a moment, and James wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad silence.  It wasn’t until it stretched on for a good thirty seconds that he began to panic.

“They didn’t make anything off the movie, according to google it bombed when it hit box offices.” James sighed with relief, who cares if the studio lost out on money, they didn’t deserve it in the first place.

James glanced out the window, taking in the gray skies that seemed to stretch on forever.  His driver was quiet, waiting patiently for the light to turn green.  A man was walking down the street, it looked like he was asking people for any spare change.

A few people gave him a couple of dollars, others ignoring him completely.  It was obvious to James that the man was homeless, from the dirt that seemed to cover every inch of him, to torn jacket he wore to protect from the cold breeze.

James hit the button to roll down his window, ready to hand over whatever bills were in his wallet, the other man could use it a hell of a lot more than he could anyway.

“Here.” James held out the money, ignoring how much was in his hand in favor of hoping he didn’t piss off the other man.

Three things happened in that moment, the gentleman took the money from James’ hand, glanced up, and locked eyes with him.  In that very second James realized who exactly was standing on the sidewalk.

“Steve?” James’ voice was barely a whisper, eyes wide as he took in the other man, or at least what was left of him.

His eyes widened with fear, feet pushing him down the street until he was completely out of James’ sight.  He turned in his seat, telling Paul to pull over so he could get out and try and find where Steve had run off to.

The streets were thriving with people heading on with their day, and it annoyed James, mostly because he was afraid Steve would be long gone.  The only thing he could do was try and search for the jacket he’d been wearing, it wasn’t something he’d seen very often.  He ran until his lungs were screaming for air, forcing James to stop and take a breath.

The alley beside him seemed deserted, bringing James’ spirits down immensely, until the sound of someone coughing caught his attention.  He wasn’t alone, and there was a slim chance that it was even Steve inside the alley.

“Hello?” James stepped in slowly, being careful of his surroundings.

“Shit.” The coughing ceased, if only for a few moments before coming back louder than before.

James was closer than he expected to be, nervously stepping over to the man that seemed to be struggling with the coughing fit.

“You need to leave.” Steve’s shoulders shuddered as he struggled to take in air, body curled in on itself.

“Steve, what happened?” James kept his feet firmly planted on the ground, giving space to the man who needed it.

Steve shook his head, hands shaking as he reached up to pull off the beanie he’d been wearing.  His hair looked unkempt, dirty from the lack of washing.

“I know you probably never want to see me again, but at least let me take you to my apartment so you can shower, and get a decent meal.” James was fighting a losing battle.

He knew well enough that Steve would deny him til the end of time, saying that he was perfectly fine enough to be on his own.  James knew better though, Steve clearly needed someone to keep an eye on him.

“Fine.” Goddamnit, he knew Steve was going to-. “Wait, you’re actually going to come with me?” James felt his head spin, that was a shock he wasn’t expecting to deal with.

“Yes, now let’s go before I change my mind.” Steve pushed himself off the ground, following James to the car that was still waiting for him.

Paul drove them back to James’ apartment, keeping any words or thoughts to himself as he weaved throughout the thick traffic.  Any of James’ clothes would surely fit Steve, especially since it seemed that he’d lost a lot of weight over the years.

He put in a large order of food to be delivered, taking Steve inside so no one else could bother them.

“The bathrooms down on the right, I’ll leave some clothes out for you to change into, food should be here in about an hour.” James nodded, watching as Steve made his way down to the bathroom.

The apartment was silent, save for the sound of the shower running, as James ran around and began to clean up.  He set the clothes on top of the sink, taking Steve’s dirty clothes to be washed.  He knew there was no way he’d be able to convince him to stay, so he could at least send him out in something that was clean and warm.

Steve didn’t emerge from the bathroom for nearly forty five minutes, a cloud of steam following as he opened the door.  James had been right, the clothes fit Steve almost perfectly, even a little baggy as he watched the other man tie the waist tighter to prevent his pants from falling.

How could this happen to someone so strong?  Willing to risk their life for the people around them just to protect them.  James could see the shadows beneath his eyes, the way his cheeks looked almost hollow.

Before James could make any comment, the food had arrived.  He quickly signed and took the bags from the kids hand, making sure to tip him generously.  He was feeding someone that needed food more than usual, so he may have gone overboard.

Steve piled food onto his plate, making sure to eat slowly so he didn’t make himself sick and lose the urge to eat altogether.  James kept his eyes down on his plate as he ate, making sure Steve didn’t feel pressured to talk about anything that was going on.

“I got an honorable discharge after I was found, they tried to act like that was good enough for what happened to me.” Steve angrily stabbed a piece of broccoli, shoving it into his mouth.

“Jesus, you were basically on your own, and that’s the best they could do?” James could see a faint scar hidden underneath the t-shirt he had on.

He wanted to show the world how much Steve had gone through, that he deserved better than what he was dealt, but he knew Steve would only hate him for it.  He’d do anything he could to keep Steve safe, even if it meant letting him go again.

“I want you to stay here, please.” James didn’t lift his eyes from his plate, knowing Steve would deny him.

“Why?” Steve set down his fork, staring down the man across from him.

He was hoping Steve hadn’t asked him that question just yet, he hadn’t formally come up with a game plan.

“Steve, it’s getting colder outside, you look like you’re one cold away from death.” James frowned, setting down his own fork.

Steve’s gaze darkened, fury plain as day on his face.  James needed to stop talking before he really pissed him off.

“I’ve done just fine on my own for the last five years, I don’t need your pity.” Despite his anger towards James, Steve polished off his plate of food, taking the takeout container and eating what was left in there as well.

James kept his mouth shut, afraid he’d do more damage by saying what was on his mind than not.  What would he do when he had to work though?  Sam would be apprehensive to leave Steve completely alone, it made sense.  James didn’t trust many people in his apartment alone, let alone someone he hadn’t seen for years.

Maybe he could talk with Natasha, see if she could find somewhere for him to stay until James could get back.

James:Hey, I ran into Steve, is there any way you could find somewhere for him to stay?  I’m leaving for London next week, and I really don’t want him to be on the street. Nat:Buck, you can’t seriously be asking me that right now, I have enough to worry about as it is, and the last time I saw Steve he told me to rot in hell.

James:Please Nat, you know I wouldn’t ask for anything else, I just need to know that he’s safe. Nat:I’m sorry, I can’t.

James gave up after Natasha ignored the next three texts he sent, it was a lost cause, and now there was nothing he could do except try to convince Steve to stay.

The man had already dealt with enough, and James wasn’t helping comfort him in the moment.

OOO ~~~ James sat patiently, waiting for his cue to head out onto the stage.  Steve was still inside James’ apartment, promising he wouldn’t leave until James had to leave for London.  That of course didn’t make the other man feel any better, made him feel worse in fact.

“You all know our next guest, from starring in We Have Always Lived in the Castle, to starring in his latest film Destroyer, please welcome James Barnes!” Jimmy’s voice echoed over the stage, the crowd cheering excitedly.

James made his way out, waving to the crowd before heading over to where Jimmy stood, along with the first guest that had gone on before him.  He couldn’t remember her name off the top of his head, though that was due to the underlying fear that Steve had left while he was gone.

“Thank you for coming on the show.” Jimmy sat down, leaning against his desk to be closer to where James had sat down.

“Thank you for having me, it’s been a little while since I’ve gotten to be on the show.” James smirked lacing his fingers together to keep them from shaking.

The interview went by smoothly, leaving James a little more relaxed than he had been before he went out to the show.  The other guest, whose name he’d finally remembered was Sharon, made small talk as he waited for Sam to show up.

“I thought you played a very convincing asshole, and yet you’re such a nice person in real life.” Sharon blushed softly, turning away to hide behind her hair.

“Thanks, I got the script and thought it sounded really interesting, I couldn’t help but take it.” James slid his hands into his pockets, fighting the urge to call and see if Steve was home.

Sam showed up soon after, letting James know that the car was there to take him home.  He bid Sharon a good night, and headed on his way out.  There were paparazzi outside, something James had come to expect everywhere he went.

The fear was building in his chest, the closer they got to his apartment, the more dread began to cloud his mind.  It was obvious that Steve had left, just because he’d promised James he’d stay, didn’t mean he was being forced to.

Sam went inside first, checking to see if anything was missing when they arrived.  Everything was right where it was supposed to be, except for Steve.  A note sat on the kitchen table, letting James know that while Steve knew they were once friends, he couldn’t stand by and become a leech on his friend.

Bucky, I’m sorry I couldn’t be here when you came home.  I just can’t bear the thought of taking advantage of you, please don’t come looking for me. Steve James felt his throat tighten, tears slipping down his cheeks slowly as he read the short note over, and over again.  This wasn’t his real life, he was still dreaming and this was all just a nightmare.  Sam had cleared the area, letting James know that Steve was truly gone.  

“You know you need to let him live his life, right?” Sam stepped over, placing a gentle hand onto James’ shoulder.

“I haven’t seen the man since I was basically a kid, Sam, I can’t lose him again.” James sighed softly, running a hand through his hair.

“I know that, but you have to understand things from his perspective, Steve’s known this life for a lot longer than you may realize.  Leave him alone.” Sam didn’t wait for James to answer, turning away and heading to the kitchen.

James couldn’t do that though, he was determined to figure out where he’d gone wrong in the past, to find out what had happened to someone he’d called a best friend for so long.

“I swear to god, if you go out there when he asked to be left alone, I’ll put on twitter that you sleep with a Cap bear.” James whipped around, staring the other man down.

“Sam, you need to understand where I’m coming from.” James was desperate at this rate.

“Bucky, the man was in the military, there’s underlying issues beyond something that even you could begin to help him deal with, leave it alone.” Sam sighed, picking up his phone to check through emails.

Could he handle letting go of something from his past?  6 Months Later James stared down at his hands, nervously shaking as he took slow, deliberate breaths to prevent himself from truly freaking out.  All he had to do was head out onto the stage, talk about the nominees for a minute, and announce who’d won.  So, why the fuck was James freaking out as if he was asked to murder the president?

Because Natasha had gotten in contact with him mere hours before the show, letting him know that Steve was in the hospital.  He’d nearly gotten himself killed, starting a fight when he was too sick, and too weak to truly defend himself.  Steve was back in New York, too far for James to be able to do anything .

The awards show went by smoothly, James, fortunate for his own sake, managed to keep his calm while on stage.  If he was secretly booking a flight to New York the moment he was able to leave, no one else needed to know that.  No one needed to know that James was planning on doing something reckless.

Sam wasn’t even aware of what he’d had planned, oblivious to the fact that his friend was going to fly out within an hour after the show ended.  James turned down every offer to go to the after parties, claiming he’d had important work to attend to, that couldn’t wait. 

It wasn’t an entire lie though.

The flight seemed to drag on for hours, James’ nerves on edge as they slowly began to ascend from the air.  What could he possibly say to him?  To truly explain how he was back in New York so soon?  He’d hoped that Natasha would meet him at the hospital, take him to where Steve was being held so he didn’t have to face him alone.

With a begrudging sigh, James took his suitcase and headed down to the hospital where Steve was being held.  He could faintly see Natasha and Y/N when the cab finally pulled up, Nat’s arms wrapped tight around her wife’s waist.

“I’m sorry, traffic was a nightmare, and the flight almost got delayed.” James set down his suitcase, unbuttoning his jacket with a soft sigh.

“You were in LA, I can’t exactly get pissed off at you for that.” Nat turned, pulling Y/N with her gently as she headed back inside.

James grabbed his things, following close behind.  The nurse behind the station seemed calm, and yet unnerved at the same time.  How often did she see people like Steve be brought in?

“This is a free clinic, so there hasn’t been much they’re able to do for him, he’s being kept in one of the actual rooms so that he doesn’t hurt anyone else.” James was baffled, Steve never tried to fight anyone unless he saw them as a bully.

Natasha stepped into the room first, gently holding Y/N’s arms before leading her inside as well.  The sight that greeted them was one that James would remember for the rest of his life.

Steve was bloody, and bruised, he looked thinner than the last time James had seen him as well, the skin that wasn’t beaten bloody was ghostly pale.  Had he gotten into drugs?  Gone off the deep end and unable to pull himself back from the edge? 

“They said someone heard him in an alley, he was calling out your name.” That struck James, Steve had been calling out for him?  And when he needed him most he couldn’t be there?

“Is he going to be alright?” James dropped his things by the door, stepping over to Steve’s bedside.

Nat didn’t say anything, watching as James took Steve’s hand gently between both of his own.  It was clear how weak Steve had become.  The tube shoved down his throat nearly made James gag, horrified of what had happened.

“He needed all of us to be there for him, and no one bothered to listen for his cries for help.” Nat wiped her tears, watching the only man she’d ever truly called a best friend wither away in a hospital bed.

“If I had known, I’d have done everything I could to help him, but when we moved he and I lost contact.  I couldn’t even remember his fucking address.” James laughed bitterly, tears sliding down his cheeks.

Steve had always been stubborn, refusing to ask for help even when he so desperately needed it, and right now, staring down at the blonde, James felt no different.

“What have the doctors said?” James glanced over at Nat, still holding tightly to Steve’s limp hand.

“They don’t think he’ll pull through, his body has been put through too much stress, and he couldn’t handle it any longer.” Natasha sighed, running a hand through her hair.

“I’m transferring him to a hospital near my house, pay for the best doctors to take care of him.” James wasn’t going to back down without a fight, he needed to make right for his wrongs.

OOO ~~~ James watched as Steve slowly walked down the aisle, hands gripping onto the metal bars with all the strength he could manage.  He hadn’t shaved since he’d woken up, the beard covering his face was a little shocking to James at first, until he grew to like it.  Things between them had become...complicated over time.  James wasn’t sure he could help Steve if he was insistent on being alone.  Had he convinced the blonde to stay until he could survive on his own?  Perhaps.  

“You’ve made amazing progress so far Mr. Rogers.” The physical therapist that was helping him seemed almost too young.  Were they sure he was qualified to do this job?

Steve barely managed a smile, hands tightening on the poles as he reached the very end, plopping back down into the chair they’d placed for him there.  James knew not to walk over, to comfort his friend that was doing his best to get back on his own feet.  Steve didn’t try and hide his disdain for James, never using the nickname he’d given him when they were kids.  

“Since next week is Christmas, we’re going to have to reschedule and wait until the eighth of January.” Darcy, the receptionist who always greeted Steve kindly, handed him the card that held the new date.

God, how had James forgotten that Christmas was in a week?  Aside from pushing away offers for roles while he helped Steve, he just didn’t pay attention to the days.  He’d already sent his family their gifts, along with his manager, and assistant.  God bless that woman, if it wasn’t for her, he was sure his head wouldn’t be screwed on right.

That left one final person for James to buy for, and he wasn’t entirely sure Steve would be welcoming of a gift at all.  The blonde had nearly torn James apart the moment they’d arrived in his home.  He knew deep down that he deserved the hate, to listen to the spiteful words that Steve spewed every second.  James wouldn’t retaliate though, even when Sam had reemed into him as well.

“So, what did you want to do for Christmas?” James was hopeful that Steve would be willing to spend it with his family, but that didn’t seem likely at all.

Steve grunted under his breath, rubbing at his legs that seemed more bruised than usual.  What was he getting himself into when James wasn’t around?

“I’d personally like to be left alone, but according to my doctor and therapist I’m not allowed to have that, so I guess whatever the hell you want to do.” Steve crossed his arms over his chest, clearly angry with the situation at hand.

James opened his mouth, thinking of something to say back without upsetting the other man, unfortunately, nothing came to mind.  It was a lose, lose situation.  Steve was going to hate him either way, no matter what he did.  Hell, he refused to call James by his nickname since they’d run into one another.  Then again, Natasha had been acting almost the same way.

“I was going to visit my family, y’know my parents, sisters and their kids.  We can stay home if you want.” James was approaching apprehensively.

Steve snorted, the sound bitter and angry coming from the other man.

“Real good job James, taking a war vet to a house that’s going to be full of screaming kids, real fucking smart.” Steve stood up roughly, gripping the back of the couch hard enough to white out his knuckles.

James knew not to run over and help, Steve would only end up screaming at him to be left alone.  He’d offered to help one time, and Steve had hit him hard enough to leave a bruise that stayed for nearly two weeks.  Even with malnutrition, and a weak frame, Steve could still throw a severe punch.

James watched him head down to the bedroom, door slamming behind him as the air seemed to thicken with tension.  He’d call Sam, ask him what he should do, he always had all the answers.

~~~ “I’m sorry, you’re doing what?” Sam’s voice echoed loudly through the receiver.

“Sam, his doctor said he can’t be left alone in the apartment, and I already promised my parents I’d come home for Christmas, if I tell them why I’m canceling they’ll fly themselves out here just to see him.  I can’t do that to him Sam.” James sighed, running a hand through his hair.

James didn’t want to cancel on his family, but he also didn’t want to piss Steve off anymore than he’d already had.  Then again, Natasha would personally see to his death if he tried to leave Steve alone for almost two weeks.

“Buck, the man’s been through enough shit to kill anyone three times over, don’t force him to go out.” James knew that Sam was right, forcing him to socialize would only cause more harm than good.

Which is exactly what James did.  He called his parents to let them know he wouldn’t be coming, that something important had come up and he’d been unable to discuss for the moment.  Steve didn’t leave his room for the rest of the day, it was noon on Christmas day before he saw the blonde, bags beneath his eyes as he clutched a cup of coffee as if it were his lifeline.

James didn’t bother to say anything, choosing instead to give Steve the much needed space he deserved.  He’d practically uprooted the other man, forcing him into a place he’d never been in before just so James’ mind would be clear.  It was selfish, and despicable.

“When’s my next therapy appointment?” Steve wasn’t looking at James, instead his gaze was focused solely on the fireplace.

“It’s this Friday, I can have them move if you want.” James never accompanied him to the appointments, knowing fair well it would drive Steve farther away.

“Please.” Steve muttered, finishing off the coffee that was left in his mug.

James didn’t say anything, reaching for his phone to email the therapist, he knew she wouldn’t  get back to him right away, but they had a few days before his appointment anyway.  He could only hope that Pepper wouldn’t get upset he couldn’t wait until tomorrow.  

He’d met Pepper through Tony, who’d originally been his manager before he met Sam.  James recommended anyone to see Pepper as a therapist, the woman was a goddamn miracle worker.  Which was why he sent Steve there as well, he needed to know that the other man would be alright.  James had seen the damage that was already done, he refused to be another reason for his best friends demise.  

Wait, they weren’t best friends, they were barely even associates at this rate.  Steve only lived in James’ house because he had nowhere else to go.  He was doing him a favor, giving him a reason to get better.

“I’m gonna go lay down for a little while.” Steve pushed himself up slowly, grabbing onto the cane that rested against the arm of the couch.

James knew better than to rush over to help Steve when he’d refused his help in the past.  He hated being doted on, claiming it made others see him as weak.  He waited until the other man made it to his room before getting off the couch.  Maybe he could go down to the grocery and get some things while Steve took a nap, it didn’t seem like a bad idea.

James wrote a note letting Steve know where he was in case the other man happened to wake up.  He usually didn’t, especially if he’d planned on napping during the daytime.

With a soft sigh, James pulled on his shoes and coat, heading down to the store closest to his apartment.  The store wasn’t normally open on Christmas, but it was under new management, and according to other shoppers they didn’t celebrate the holiday.  Thankfully neither did anyone that was working on that day either.  James would’ve hated to make anyone wait on him because he needed to help out a friend.

He went up and down each aisle, debating between the cheetos or bag of doritos for an unhealthy snack.  A pack of oreos went into the cart next, followed by some more coffee since he was beginning to run low.  Heading up to the front to pay, James placed his items onto the belt, paying when the cashier told him the total.  

He was more than ready to get back to the apartment and pig out for a little while, maybe Steve would join him for a few minutes, munch on the chips before heading off once more.

“James?” A deep voice caught his attention, had his little disguise not hidden him well enough? James turned to face the voice, ready to pose for a selfie before his heart caught in his throat.  Brock Rumlow was standing on the street beside him, clothes perfectly pressed, hair styled to look effortlessly messy, the stubble on his cheeks looked as if he hadn’t shaved in almost a week.  What the hell was he doing in New York?

“Hey, long time no see.” James tried to keep his voice even, he couldn’t let Brock know how he felt anymore.

“Yeah, I thought you were visiting your parents?  It is Christmas after all.” The smirk that spread over his lips unnerved James, how the hell did he remember that?

“I was going to, but some things came up so I had to cancel my trip.” It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the entire truth either.

Brock nodded slowly, as if he was taking in James’ words slowly, soaking them in for future use.

“Well that’s too bad, you should’ve let me know, could’ve hung out like old times.” Brock was still smirking, god why had James found that attractive?

“I wouldn’t have had the time, sorry.  I need to get back anyway.” He needed an out, a way to get away without letting Brock know why he was leaving so suddenly.

“If you’re not too busy tomorrow, give me a call.” Brock wrapped an arm around James’ waist, pressing their lips flush together for a moment.

James reached his hands up, pressing his palms against Brock’s chest to push him away.  And he did exactly that.

“Brock, we’re not together anymore, and I don’t want to see you anymore, leave me alone.” James hoisted the bags higher up on his arms, turning away and practically sprinting back to his apartment.

The streets has been surprisingly empty, so while it was easy for him to get back home without anyone catching him, it made him feel uneasy.  What if someone had seen Brock kiss him?  It’d be all over the internet before he could possibly stop it.

Steve was still asleep, and James thanked his lucky stars that he didn’t need to explain to the other man why he was panting so harshly, and why he looked like a crazed animal.  Instead of worrying about his impending doom anymore, James put the groceries away.  It could help keep his mind at ease, no one witnessed the one sided kiss, things would be fine.

Until they weren’t.

James woke up to his phone ringing the next morning.  Sam was calling, which was bad in and of itself.  

“Hello?” James kept his voice quiet, glancing at the clock on the wall.  It was barely passed six in the morning, which meant Steve was still in bed.

“Have you been online at all?” Sam didn’t give his brain even a second to process.

“Because there’s a picture of you and Rumlow macking it on a street corner, what the fuck Bucky!” James pulled the phone away from his ear, wincing slightly.

He had been wrong, and someone managed to get a picture of Brock kissing him.

“He saw me walking back from the store and kissed me, I swear I didn’t kiss him back Sam, you know how much I despise the man.” James didn’t bother to hide his disdain for the other man whenever he’d been interviewed, and it affected him negatively.

He was unable to land a role for nearly six months before things suddenly changed and Brock was seen as the bad guy.  It wasn’t a lie, Brock was possessive, and it lead to their breakup after only a few months.

James turned the phone on speaker, opening up Twitter to see what was being said about him.  And right front and center was a picture of him and Brock, and not a low quality camera picture either, this was paparazzi.  Had he planned this to try and ruin James’ career?  To make people think he was actually lying about what happened?

“I need to say something about this, he’s spreading lies!” James was furious, for not only himself, but for Sam.  He was dumping this onto the other man’s plate when he should’ve been worrying about it himself.

“Trust me, I know you wouldn’t willingly kiss him Buck, but we can’t go into this headfirst.” Sam sighed softly.

James knew what he was about to do was highly risky, but he needed to set the record straight before anymore lies could be spread on his behalf.

He hung up on Sam, opening up instagram and starting a live video.  No one was going to hear a single word from anyone, but him.

“Hey everyone, I know it’s pretty early to be doing one of these.” James chuckled softly, running a hand over his face.

He wasn’t even wearing a shirt, having forgone wearing one when he’d gone to bed the night before.  It wasn’t his fault that the apartment was too warm to wear properly clothing all the time, he was doing it for Steve.

“So unless you live under a rock, you saw a picture of Brock Rumlow and I kissing, I just want to set the record straight and let everyone know that the kiss was completely one sided.  I had gone out to the grocery store to get a few things and on my way home Brock stopped me, he asked some questions that I won’t be discussing right now, and grabbed my waist and kissed me.” James sighed, lacing his fingers together in his lap.

“After he kissed me I pushed him away, told him I didn’t want to see him anymore and left immediately.” James wasn’t stupid, he knew that Brock would put out his own video of what happened, telling everyone that James had tried to kiss him first.

He opened his mouth to go more in depth, to tell his fans to ignore what they read online, that whatever Brock said was going to be a lie.  Until the door to his room opened, revealing a sleepy looking Steve.  He’d been hoping that Steve would sleep through the entire Instagram live.  Guess that wasn’t going to happen.

“What’s going on?” Steve looked exhausted, eyes rimmed red from what was either lack of sleep, or he’d been crying.

“Oh, I’m just making a video talking about some stuff, did I wake you?” James knew he was walking on thin ice, that Steve could snap at any moment.

“No, I woke up a little over an hour ago.” Steve crossed his arms over his chest, the hoodie James had bought him seemed to stretch over his shoulders.

Was James staring?  Or was he trying to figure out what was different about Steve?

“Oh, I can make coffee if you’d like?” James knew the viewers were currently flooding in, comments streaming faster than he could read them. “No, that’s alright.” Steve’s shoulders were raised ever so slightly, turning away and leaving the room without another word.

Shit, he’d been avoiding letting the world know exactly why he was taking a step back from the spotlight.  Now everyone knew the truth, and James was going to have to explain himself before shit got out of hand.

“Sorry about that guys, a good friend of mine has been staying at my house, so I’ve been a little more focused on that for now.” His laugh sounded weak, even to his own ears. “What I wanted to say though, was don’t listen to anything you hear, or read any of the lies they’re gonna put online, me and Brock are done, and I will never take him back.” James sighed, running a hand over his face and saying his goodbyes to the live before clicking end.  Would he risk his hide and leave it on his story for everyone else to see?  Or would James end up deleting it like the chicken he was?  He ended up leaving it up, consequences be damned.

His heart was jack hammering in his chest, nerves suddenly on edge as his phone flooded with text messages, Sam’s face popping back up once again.  He sighed, answering.

“Sam I’m-” “You’re lucky I’m not in New York or else I’d wring your neck right now.” Sam sounded angrier than he’d ever heard before. 

“Sam, I thought he was still asleep, and I wasn’t going to let Brock get the upper hand!” James was furious, how could he blame him for what happened?

Sam sighed, the sound exasperated as James struggled to reel in his emotions.  Things were beginning to fall apart.

“He’s starting to look healthier at least.” Sam didn’t sound as upset, though there was still a lingering anger in his words.

James knew that Steve had begun to eat more, less afraid that he was going to put James out for eating more than a banana in the morning.  That of course didn’t mean the other man was willing to forgive everything, he was still afraid he’d be removed from the house.

“He’s been dealing with nightmares, but Pepper told me not to try and wake him when it happens.” James sighed, this was becoming harder for him to truly deal with.

“She’s right, he could become violent and end up hurting you, or himself.” Sam had a point, and he couldn’t risk pushing Steve away anymore.

James had made accommodations for Steve to be completely comfortable, afraid that if he did something wrong he’d set the other man off.

“I gotta go, he’s probably been sulking in the living room and I need to get some food into him.” Sam bid him farewell, telling him to be careful.

James wasn’t ignorant, he knew that Steve had gone through some horrific things in the past, but it didn’t change who he was deep down.

Without anything to keep him distracted any longer, James pushed himself up and left his bedroom, feet carrying him down to the kitchen.  Unfortunately, he wasn’t expecting to see Steve in the kitchen, hoodie discarded on a chair.  That wasn’t what stopped him in his tracks.  No.  It was the scars that littered his body, some light, barely visible in the morning sun, others deep and angry, nearly red.

How had he managed to keep this hidden?  Were they from his life living on the streets?  Or something else entirely.

“My unit was captured during my third deployment.” Steve’s voice startled him, though James would deny that for the rest of his days.

“What happened?” James whispered the words, afraid if he spoke any louder he’d scare the other man off for good.

Steve smiled sadly, eyes turning glassy as he turned to face James.  It was the first time he’d realized that he’d finally seen Steve completely shirtless.  If he thought the scars on Steve’s back were horrific, the ones on his front were worse.  

“We were transporting someone, can’t really remember his name anymore but he was someone famous, well the humvee in front of us hit an IED, ended up crashing into a ditch on the side of the road.  We were told to protect the guy no matter what, so that’s exactly what I did.” Steve chuckled, the sound breathless and choked.

“Got surrounded by the enemy, tortured me for any kind of information.  Whenever they got what they needed, they’d kill us.  Unfortunately I couldn’t give them any information because I didn’t have any.” Steve’s gaze turned cold and calculating, it sent shivers down James’ spine.

“So I did what I was trained to do, I killed the guard that was keeping me and my mission captive, snuck out in the middle of the night with open wounds, and no shoes.  We ended up walking for nearly six miles before someone found us, apparently they’d put out a search for him.  I suffered for over two fucking years, and yet he was the only one they were worried about.” Steve’s shoulders were shaking with anger.

James’ hands were shaking, heart racing as he stared over at Steve, trying to soak in the information Steve had thrown at him.  He was left for dead, and no one gave a fuck about the man!  As if his life was worthless!

“Wait, you said you’d been in captivity for two years, correct?” That seemed to be too much of a coincidence, especially considering James had just finished working with Tony before he went missing.

“Yeah, at least that’s what they said when I was in the hospital.” Steve shrugged, eyes glancing down to the mug he’d set onto the counter.

James couldn’t ever tell Steve that Tony was the man he’d been escorting, especially not when Tony was over there to try and help bring them home for the holidays.  He’d end up hating James more than he already did.

“It was Tony, Peppers wife, that you were escorting over there.” James looked up slowly, waiting for the screaming that Steve was bound to do.

He stood stock still, staring the other man down as he soaked in his words, jaw clenching as he glared at James.

“You’re lucky I can’t kill you where you stand.” Steve turned and left the kitchen, the sight of his scarred skin still haunting James’ mind.

He knew that information wasn’t something easily shared, but what if Steve had run into Tony during one of his appointments?  How would’ve he reacted to seeing the other man?  Would he have tried to kill him?  

So James did what he felt best.  He left.

Of course he left a note letting Steve know that he wasn’t going to be at the apartment for a few days, and that he was more than welcome to stay while he was gone.  Was it a stupid move on his part?  Absolutely, but he couldn’t sit by and wait for the day Steve refused to stay and left permanently.

Besides, he was only leaving for a few days at most, he’d be back before Steve could truly notice.

~~~ OOO 2 Weeks Later James stared down at his phone.  He’d turned it off the moment he arrived at the remote apartment, the one not even Sam knew about.  He had gotten it right after his last movie, wanting to get away from the press.  He turned it on with a quiet sigh, waiting for the bombardment of texts, emails, and voicemails he’d surely have.

Surely enough his voice buzzed for nearly two minutes straight before quieting back down.  He leaned down, picking up the sleek device to see who’d gotten in contact.  There were at least two hundred texts from Sam alone, nearly that many from Natasha, and about thirty from an unknown number.  Maybe it was Nat’s wife, Y/N, trying to figure out where he’d gone to.

This wasn’t going to be easy to handle, especially when he was about to get torn in two, in more ways than one.

Sam:Dude, what the fuck is going on?  Why did Steve just call and say you left????? Sam:I swear to god Barnes, I’ll track your ass down and drag you back by the scruff of your neck. Sam:You better fucking answer me!  The rest were Sam threatening him, telling him that he’d gotten in contact with Natasha, and even called his parents to see where he was. Nat:James Buchanan Barnes you ungrateful bastard!  Nat:You’re lucky I don’t know where you are right now, or else I’d wring your fucking neck Nat:Do you even care about everyone around you? Nat:Or this is some sick joke that helps you sleep at night? Nat:God, no wonder Steve didn’t get into contact back when we were kids. James felt that in his soul, was he truly the reason Steve hadn’t bothered to write?  

Steve:Where the hell did you go??? Sam said he can’t get a hold of you either. Steve:James, c’mon everyone’s getting worried. Steve:Will you please answer your phone???? Steve:Look, I’m sorry for what I said, I was just angry and upset. Steve:Bucky, please.

That stopped James in his tracks.  Steve hadn’t called James, Bucky, since they were young, and stupid kids.  There was no possible way he wanted James around, not when he was the reason for causing all of the issues between them.

He knew he couldn’t hide any longer though, packing away the things he’d taken out of the bag and heading down to his car.  The streets were oddly quiet, as if no one had bothered to leave their homes for the day.  It wouldn’t be like this when he got back home though.

And so he did what any sane person in his situation would do.  Show up at his home unannounced.  

“Hello?” James set his bag down, toeing off his shoes before stepping further inside.

Nothing was out of place, and the entryway smelled oddly of lemon cleaner, was this what Steve had been doing for two weeks?

“Bout time you got back.” Fuck, that was definitely Sam.

James knew better than to apologize, to make up the excuse of why he fled so suddenly without  another word.

“I told Steve that Tony was the reason he was captured, and tortured for nearly two years, I didn’t want to push him any farther than I already had.” James stood his ground, shoulders pushed back as he stared at the other man.

Sam stared back at James, slack jawed as he took in what James had just said.  This wasn’t something petty he’d run off about, this was a matter of Steve’s life in his hands.

“Where is he now?  I didn’t expect him to be here when I got home.” James stared down the other man, waiting for him to tell him what he so desperately needed.

Sam stared back, both men waiting for the other to break and give the news.

“He’s out getting groceries with Nat right now, said you guys were running low and he didn’t like leaving the house too empty.” That...was not the answer that James had been expecting to hear.

“Wait, you’re telling me he didn’t pack up and leave?” James had half expected Steve to bolt the moment he felt freedom.

“No, but he asked Nat, and I to drive him to his appointments because his usual person suddenly disappeared.” James winced, it was the truth and he needed to understand that.

The front door swung open, the sound of Natasha, and Steve’s laughter filling the house, the sound of bags crinkling followed quickly.

“It’s not my fault you’re so damn tall, just watch your head next time.” Nat stepped into the kitchen first, smile slipping off her face faster than James could blink.

“You had ample opportunity to warn me that the ceiling was low, so it’s technically...your fault.” Steve gripped the bags in his hands tighter, jaw clenched as he stared James down.

The air began to thicken with tension, James Barnes, academy award winner, famous movie star, Steve Rogers, war veteran, hero.

“I blamed myself for what happened with Tony, it’s why I left Steve.” James knew better than to lie, to keep secrets from someone he’d considered a best friend all those years ago.

“That doesn’t make any sense, you had no idea I was the one escorting him.” This was about to get messy.

“Yes, yes I did Steve.  Tony told me about the man who’d basically saved his life, and when I heard that it was you, I did everything I could to find you.  Imagine my surprise when I find out from your dad that he disowned you back before you went into the army.  Your mom misses the hell out of you by the way, I didn’t want to overwhelm you during your recovery but she wants to see you.” James took a deep breath, waiting for the screaming to begin.

“I shouldn’t of had to find out that you were gay because of your dad, but even then it doesn’t matter to me.  What he did was beyond horrible, hell I nearly drove to Tony’s house to kill him when you said you’d been tortured.  God, Steve you deserved better than what they gave you.  What goods a medal when you’re struggling with severe PTSD?” James laughed bitterly, wiping at the tears that were streaking down his cheeks.

No one said a word, watching as James stalked around the island in the kitchen and headed down to his room, leaving everyone behind.

There wasn’t a reason for James’ outburst, the way he’d snapped on everyone was childish and reckless.  James had lived a posh life, never having to worry about anything in his life, meanwhile Steve was tortured daily for nearly a year.  The man struggled to do basic activities without something triggering his PTSD.  God, James was such a child.

“Bucky?” A knock sounded at the door, Steve’s voice muffled by the thick wood.

James turned around, unlocking the door.  Steve stepped inside slowly, hands twisting together as he glanced up at James.

“I didn’t want you to leave that day, but I knew that we needed some space, it’s why I went down to my room.  And maybe I do struggle to deal with my PTSD everyday, but I started seeing the therapist you told me about because I figured she could help.” Steve stepped closer, leaving only a few feet between them.

“Even though I was beyond angry when you found me Buck, my lifes been a lot better since.  I’ve gained weight, I have a warm place to sleep.  Hell, I can go to the grocery store without worrying if I’ll be able to afford food.” James felt confused, why was Steve thanking him?

“I don’t understand.” James mumbled, arms loosely hanging by his side.

“If it weren’t for you finding me, I’d be dead by now.” Steve said it, with so much nonchalance that it truly bothered James.

Steve had to possibly walk with a cane for the rest of his life, but that was better than dying a bitter death during the winter.  Maybe Steve was doing better by being here.

“I thought that staying angry was what seemed best, but it’s only made things worse between us, and I’m sorry.” James shook his head, he should be the one apologizing.

“You have nothing to be sorry for Steve, I’m the one who basically forced you into my home.” Steve laughed, head thrown back as the sound echoed inside the room.

James was a little confused, what was so funny about what he said?

“Bucky, I could’ve left any time I wanted, I chose to stay because I needed to.” Oh, that wasn’t what he was expecting.

Things would eventually get better between them, only time would tell.

~~~ OOO 2 Years Later James waited patiently for the nominees names to be mentioned, hand clasped tightly around Steve’s.  He looked downright stunning in his tux, the deep maroon complimented his eyes perfectly.  James, or Bucky as almost everyone around him had begun calling him, wore a simple black tux, though his pocket square matched Steve’s tux.

“And the winner for best actor goes to, James Barnes!” Bucky stood, smiling happily as he leaned down to press a kiss to Steve’s lips.

He wasn’t entirely sure when their relationship had changed from enemies, to friends, and finally to lovers.  Bucky wasn’t about to complain about that, of course not.

He stepped onto the stage, taking the award from Sharon who was clapping along with everyone else, though he watched her gaze travel along his body.

“Thank you everyone, I do want to say what an honor it is to win this award.  I chose the role not just because it felt so powerful, but also because of someone else.  As most of you may know, my husband was in the army for nearly ten years, and during his last tour he was captured by the enemy.  Instead of letting it consume him, Steve came out someone stronger, a better man than I could ever call myself.” Bucky laughed softly, wiping at the tears that had begun to slide down his cheeks.

“There are men and women everyday who don’t get the help they need, who suffer in silence because no one will listen to their cries.  So myself, and everyone who worked on this film will be donating all the money made from the film to help our veterans.  If you’d like to do your part, you know where to look.” Bucky lifted the award once more, signaling his speech was over.

The crowd stood immediately, the sound of clapping and cheering nearly deafening him as he stepped off the stage and back to Steve.  Of course Steve looked downright shocked.

“Babe, are you seriously donating that much money?” Steve knew how much the movie had been able to pull in, and it was nothing to laugh at.

“I am, they deserve to get the help they desperately need, you’re one of the lucky people who got that help.” Bucky pulled Steve into a tight hug, arms squeezing his waist as he pressed a kiss to his lips.

Maybe Bucky was being a little reckless with millions of dollars, but it was something that could save the lives of millions of other people.  And Bucky was going to do his part by helping out.

And Steve would be right by his side the whole way.

[icequeenjules26]

All I Want (For Christmas) Is You

Summary:  Dan Howell's life as a student of modern piano music is completely turned upside down when he is grouped in an assignment with Phil Lester...

Word Count: 7,2k

Tags: University AU, Fluff, Pianist!Dan, Guitarist!Phil, 

A/n: This is written for @babethepig for the Phandom fic Fests Holiday Exchange. As always the biggest ever thank you goes out to my love @succubusphan, who spent a lot of time beta’ing this. You’re the best. <3 

Read on A03

Dans schedule was a proper mess this semester. His decision to specialize in modern piano music got frowned upon not only by his parents but also by his Uni, so his curses were not nicely fit together anymore. He had a lot of free time in between, but his time gaps were too short to get back to his dorm, so he mostly stayed on campus, spending his free time in one of the multiple coffee shops around or with his friend Louise, who was assigned a dorm room much closer to campus than he was.

 That’s how he caught wind of it first.

 He had always been good at playing the piano, the time at uni had only helped with that, obviously; but that he was supposedly the best in his studies had always sounded like an exaggeration. There were a lot of piano students, so he had tried toning down the people talking about him, directing them to someone else. Aside from his musical ability there wasn’t much interesting about him, though, so he had drifted out of the other students’ eyes - at least aside from the talk about whoever was supposed to be dating this week. His open bisexuality made for a large pool of possible suitors, but there were students much more interesting to talk about.

 Now, though, he was back inside of the rumor mill, and right in the center.

 It started off innocently enough.

 “The instruments students are doing trios this year, did you hear?” The two girls in the booth right next to his were chatting animatedly with each other, obviously unaware of him just sitting half a meter away. “Yeah, I’m so excited! We haven’t seen Dan Howell performing for a while, which is a shame. Him at a Piano is enough to get me going to be honest.”

 Dan was already puffing out his chest like a peacock, debating on whether to go over there or at least make his presence known otherwise, when the other girl’s reply made him halt in his tracks. “I mean same , but have you seen Phil Lester lately? He got rid of his emo fringe and stuff. He’s scolding hot .” She layed extra emphasis on the word hot and in Dan’s head, two mindsets started battling over what to do. The first one expressed some kind of jealousy in a “I wanted to tap that girl”-kind of way, the other one wanted to spring onto facebook to check out the guy they were talking about, whose name sounded kind of familiar.

 Former emo fringe musician that got hot? Sign him the fuck up.

 Chuckling lowly about his screaming bisexuality he continued listening, his interest now peaked.

 “Well, they’re doing trios right? Just imagine both of them on stage together…”

 The other girl actually moaned at the thought and Dan couldn’t contain the smirk creeping on his face. He took a sip from his coffee, his still open laptop on the table in front of him long forgotten. He probably should be working on one of his assignments due this week, but the girls’ conversation was too interesting to ignore.

 Dan had to suppress some swearing when his laptop dinged with an incoming email. He could hear the girls whispering behind him when they looked over because of the sound, realizing who he was - “Oh my god is that Dan Howell?” and “Oh my god, do you think he heard us?” -  and he quickly leaned forward to appear busy.

 The email causing the ‘ding’ was actually about the assignment the girls had just been talking about. He packed up his stuff immediately when he had read through it. The list of assigned groups had just been hung out in front of his professor’s office and she invited all participants to a meeting in about half an hour on the other side of the campus, so he had to rush.

 ~~~

 Even the rushing didn’t help in the end, the unfortunate incident of a broken down bus costed him the time to check the list before the meeting started. When he got there he still had no idea who his partners were, so he didn’t understand the reason behind the quiet whispers that started when he set foot into the lecture hall. He managed to find his friend Louise quite fast and slid into the free spot next to her. “What’s the fuss about?” he asked her quietly but before she could answer, the door opened again and a group of professors walked in.

 Their looks varied about as much as those of the students sitting in the audience, making for a quite colourful group. For this assignment, nearly all rock-centered curses were thrown together, not only piano but also guitar, drums, bass, violin and multiple other instruments. The hall was packed full, but the arrival of the professors assured silence among the students.

 “Good morning everyone! Hopefully you all checked the list and are in the process of contacting your partners. Teamwork is the key for this assignment! Because of the number of students most groups consist of one piano student, one guitar student and one of another instrument, specifically arranged to play into your strengths and make you work on your weaknesses.” The young male professor’s voice rung soundly through the hall and Dan couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow. Prof. Smith, responsible for the guitar department and  specialized on rock music, was so completely different from his own professor and so cliché rock musician that it offended Dan’s believes; he fit the stereotype perfectly, including tattoo covered arms, piercings and wild, green hair, often sporting band shirts.

 Prof. Johnson, on the other hand, was nothing like her profession. She was a middle-aged woman with slim, neon green glasses and grey eyes that always seemed to shine with mischief. Her jet black hair fell in untamable curls onto her shoulders and she seemed to never leave the house without a nerdy T-Shirt, merch for some comic, TV-Show or movie. When she stepped forward, the whispers around the hall got louder and the grin on her face was so wide Dan couldn’t help but grin back. He liked his Professor, even if she tended to overstep her boundaries and was eager to make friends among the students.

 “If you have questions you can always turn to me or Mr. Smith, Mr. Miller or Mrs. Adams, or any of the other Professors involved,” she said, then paused for a second to let the murmures and voices ring out.

 “Now, we know this is a big thing among the student body, but we hope you can keep it as low as possible. Drama and relations, as fun as they are to watch for us, will only make your work harder. If you want to outplay this though, be assured I will be watching with a glass of wine and popcorn.” There were chuckles among the group and Louise next to him went red trying to keep in her laughter. Dan grinned at her and made a mental note to tell her about the girls he had encountered before coming here.

It took some time for the students to calm down, but when she continued speaking, Dan was shocked into silence. “That also goes for other students aside from yourself. The list is out for half an hour and the only duo involving Mr. Howell and Mr. Lester has already caused an uproar throughout the whole university, so please think about what you are causing when you speak about information like this next time.”

 The rest of the meeting went by in a blur. The professors informed them of the nature of the assignment - the whole thing had pretty much the built-up of a generic talent show. They had to cover one song each week in an open, on-campus concert starting in two weeks. Each week two groups would be voted out by the professors until three groups remained for the finale.

 At the end Dan didn’t remember anything the professors had explained to them. He would beg Louise for her notes tomorrow, but that wasn’t the important thing right now.

 The important thing was that he was supposed to perform with the one and only Phil Lester - and after a quick facebook check he realized why the name had sounded so familiar. Dan had had a crush on the cute and amazingly talented guitar player performing every saturday in a close-by coffee shop for weeks until he had disappeared. What made it even harder for Dan was the fact that the girls had been right.

 The guy had gotten hot as fuck.

 Louise’ mumbled keep it in your pants seemed almost impossible to stick to.

 ~~~~

 It took Dan around half a week to stop running from Phil. He kept himself busy with papers not due for at least a few more weeks and working harder for other assignments than he ever had before - he did anything that would make him forget about the short message from Phil awaiting him on whatsapp, where he introduced himself and informed him they were partners. The little dog emoji at the end of the message made him squeal like a schoolgirl, but that was exactly the problem. He had to keep it professional. Which would be difficult considering the increasingly hot pictures Phil posted on his facebook and instagram…

 On thursday Dan finally realized he wouldn’t be able to hide from this forever, as he couldn’t afford to fail this class. So he decided to suck it up and went with a generic confirmation and the question to set a time for their first rehearsal as a reply.

 On friday Dan was about as nervous as he could be. Fidgeting the entire morning, he changed his outfit for at least five times until Louise threatened to rip his whole wardrobe to shreds if he didn't decide soon. Her teasing didn’t make his job any easier though. He was supposed to meet Phil in less than half an hour in one of the practice rooms in the music building half a campus away and he was dying a little.

 “Do you really think I look okay?” he asked Louise, who was seated directly next to him on the bus, anxiously running his fingers through his brown locks. Louise caught his wrist mid-movement and forced his hand back into his lap before she patted it sympathetically. “You look great, Dan. Just don’t behave like the little schoolgirl you’re portraying right now, okay?”

 Dan couldn’t get rid of the blush creeping onto his cheeks for the rest of the bus ride.

 When he arrived at their booked practice room, Phil wasn’t there yet. Sighing in relief, he let his backpack sink to the floor before moving over to the piano, situated on a little pedestal in front of the window. He took a seat on the stool right in front of it and let his fingers run over the keys testingly. A series of notes rang through the air and he realized delightedly that the piano was pitched precisely.

 He let his fingers push the keys purposefully and before he knew it they strung together to one of his favorite songs. He started singing along, just for the fun of it; but he got completely lost in the music. At one point a second voice joined in, harmonizing with him to an unbelievable extend, but he didn’t even realize; it just sounded like it had been there from the start.

 Like it belonged there, ringing alongside his own.

 Only at the end of the song he realized what had happened. When the last note rang loud through the now deafening silence he whipped around, eyes wide - and met the bluest eyes he had ever seen.

 He wanted to avert his eyes, wanted to check who it was, but he couldn’t; for a few moments, he was frozen, lost in time, no connection to reality except for the blue he was drowning in.

 The moment shattered like glass around him when some kind of crashing noise pierced in from outside of the room and Dan was finally able to move his eyes.

 “That was beautiful,” a deep, melodic voice said and he couldn’t help but stare at the black haired figure standing proudly and tall at the other end of the piano, smiling at him reassuringly.

 Dan had to blink a few times and pinch himself covertly, but the picture in front of him stayed the same: Phil Lester, in all his delicious glory, eyes shining so bright Dan was sure he’d need sunglasses.

 “It was,” he agreed with a raspy voice, watching wordlessly as Phil made his way over to him. “I’m Phil,” he said, sticking out his hand in front of him and Dan had to gulp down his fast rising excitement. I’ll get to touch Phil Lester!!

 When it happened, when their hands touched, he almost flinched back. A warm feeling shot up his arm at top speed and for a second, he forgot how to breathe. Holy shit.

 “Dan,” he rasped back, staring up at Phil with wide eyes, not really sure what to do with himself, only one thought ringing through his mind - if touching Phil felt like that , how amazing would kissing him be?

 Obviously, the black haired guitar player was not as shocked as Dan. “So, do you think we found our song for the first show?”

 Just like that they slipped over into work - and working with Phil, Dan learned, was just as easy as breathing.

 ~~~

 The first week with Phil was like walking on clouds. The numerous holes in Dan’s schedule made for good practice times, and the fact that Phil didn’t have many classes this semester meant that he was there for almost every one of them. Work flowed easily and smoothly and on monday they were already done segmenting the song and deciding who would get to sing which parts.

 But not only the work went great, even their voices harmonized like they were meant to be heard together. They didn’t even need transitions between Dan’s singing parts to Phil’s, the changes from line to line went just as smoothly as the ones with longer instrumental intervals between.

 Tuesday evening they were basically ready to perform. Dan had his piano playing recorded as a playback to make him more flexible on stage instead of immobile behind a giant instrument. Phil’s guitar skills maybe didn’t quite match Jimmy Hendrik’s yet, but they were definitely up there, and he had the song down to a T. Neither of them had classes the next morning, so as they were leaving the practice room, Dan felt quite courageous from all the adrenaline still rushing through him after a perfect run - and he boldly asked Phil if he wanted to get a coffee somewhere before retiring to their respective dorms.

 Ten minutes later they were sat in a coffee shop right off campus. Dan chose a cozy little booth in the corner directly next to the window front while Phil went to get their coffees. When Dan took the first sip of his drink he almost spat it right back out, but instead moved to first eye the drink and then Phil suspiciously.

 “How do you know?” he asked, his voice almost high pitched as he narrowed his eyes.

Phil just raised an eyebrow into an almost perfectly shaped curve, looking at Dan questionably as he calmly took a sip of his coffee, not saying a word.

 “How do you know my order?” Dan specified and watched incredulously as Phil’s full, kissable lips spread into a wide grin. He could almost picture it, attaching his own lips onto his as they spread into the exact grin before the kisses started to get more serious, more heated, Phil’s fringe messed up, his cheeks red as clothes were coming off…

 Oh my god, stop betraying me, goddamn heart.

 “I didn’t. I just ordered two of my usual order.”

 Phil’s voice ripped him out of his daydream and for a second he couldn’t do much else than stare in stunned silence. “You drink caramel Macchiato, too?” he asked, blinking. Huh. He really hadn’t expected that from a guy as hot as him…

 Jesus fucking christ, actually shut the fuck up!

 Dan’s attraction to Phil had risen to an unhealthy level by now. Not only was he hot as fuck, no; during their practice time Dan also had had to learn that the guy was smart, funny, lively, and talented as fuck , even more than Dan remembered him to be. Dan was lucky the assignment, and working on the music kept him busy and focused, or else he would have probably jumped the guy by now.

 “It’s my all time favorite,” Phil confirmed, his grin transforming into a cheeky smile, and Dan couldn’t keep a blush from dusting his cheeks pink.

 “Mine too,” he admitted and took another tentative sip from his drink, purposefully avoiding Phil’s eyes. He knew that if he looked into them now, he would drown in them.

 For a few moments it was silent between them, both nursing their coffee, Dan deeply lost in thought about the blueness of Phil’s eyes.

 “So, Muse, huh?”

 It was Phil breaking the silence and Dan looked up, surprised. It took him a second to realize how Phil had even known he liked Muse , until he realized they had met while singing their song Thought Contagion before choosing it for their first performance. This time he was pretty sure he kept the blush at bay.

 “Yeah. I love them.”

 Phil’s mouth stretched into a happy smile, his eyes shining brightly, full of honest excitement as he started chattering about them. Dan had to gulp and pinch his hand unsuspiciously to keep himself from losing his mind .

 They moved from Muse to Panic! to Fallout Boy to Paramore and even further. Albums became scores, which lead the way to games, movies and TV shows. It was almost scary how much they had in common, how much their interests overlapped, and it actually took Dan a while to remember a question he’d had since he’d heard of the assigned groups.

 He used a temporary lull in conversation - one that he could have easily filled with something relatable to the topic they were on, mind you - to finally ask.

 “By the way, do you know why we are the only duo?”

 Phil raised his eyebrow, a cheeky smile back on his face and Dan knew there was a blush creeping up his cheeks yet again. He couldn’t help but feel like he missed something vital here, but he had no idea what exactly.

 “Did you not pay attention at the meeting?”

 Dan felt his eyes widen in surprise and blinked, cheeks even hotter than before. “I might have been… preoccupied ,” he admitted and Phil’s smile grew into a full-blown grin.

 “Prof. Johnson and Prof. Smith spent like ten minutes explaining,” he informed Dan, “Apparently the numbers didn’t match up and they had to have one duo, so they both chose their best student and realized we would be a good match.” He put special emphasis on the word match and for a second, Dan wasn’t sure if he would be able to stay conscious. Was he just making a joke… Or was Phil Lester really flirting with him?

 “We - we are,” he stammered in response and Phil’s chuckling send his heart into overdrive. Oh god. How was he supposed to survive at least 2 more months working with the guy?

 “I think so too,” Phil whispered back with a husky voice, making Dan choke on his long cold coffee.

 Fuck, these next weeks are going to be torture.

 ~~~

 The next monday morning Dan found himself in yet another on-campus coffee shop, putting the finishing touches on an assignment that was due today. Normally it was a break he would spend with Phil, but he had stuff to arrange with one of his professors, so they decided he would join up with Dan as soon as he was able to. They had managed to get a headstart on this week’s performance by starting working on it on saturday, so they weren’t in much of a rush. They had decided on a song and discussed divisioning on sunday already; it was only practicing left.

 Of course the performance on Friday had gone great. They had gotten a lot of applause by the watching students, the little hall on campus used for performances had been packed to the rim, so there had been at least a few hundred watchers. The professors had obviously also been satisfied with their presentation, considering they had informed them they would progress into the next round even before the whole show had been over.

 So Dan and Phil had spent their Friday night celebrating. Even though neither of them were really the party going type, they had agreed to go out for a few drinks with their best friends Louise and PJ - who, coincidentally, were in the same group - and Tyler, a music production student Dan had been friends with for years. He had flirted with Phil quite obviously and had teased Dan for his sour mood afterwards, but had assured him that Phil only has eyes for you, you dumbass, pay attention!, coupled with a playful whack on his head.

 The memory let Dan grumble absently, but the arriving of a group of students in the booth right behind him ripped him away from his trip down memory lane. “I mean, they’re both bisexual, right?” one of the girls stated while taking a seat, making him peek up immediately. He liked to hear stories about his fellow unicorns and regretted only becoming aware of this conversation after it had already started.

 “They are,” a guy’s voice confirmed. Dan was pretty sure he had heard the voice before, but he didn’t have the courage to turn around and check. He was lucky enough to not have been spotted by the group, he really didn’t have to push his luck.

 “Have you seen their sexual tension? I know you want to fuck them both, Caleb, but come on.” The female voice was followed by a male groan and the sound of a head meeting the tabletop. “I knowww,” was the answer, “I’m sexually deprived, not blind .”

 Dan raked his brain, trying to figure out who they were talking about. Being friends with Louise and Tyler meant that he was mostly up to date with recent campus gossip, and he really wanted to tell them about this later.

 “Did you know there’s already a bet going on? About if they’ll be dating by the end of this semester.”

 “Which idiot would even bet against that?”

 The booth erupted into laughter and Dan furrowed his eyebrows, thinking. He leaned forward, trying to appear busy, but in reality the assignment currently open on his laptop was the furthest thing from his mind.

 “Okay, but aside from all that they were the best group, even if it was just the two of them. They’re gonna win this thing, hands down.” 

Dan’s eyes went as wide as saucers as realization seeped into him. They weren’t really talking about -

 “Absolutely. Thought Contagion was brilliant, I’m so excited to see what they’ll come up with for the next round.”

 That was the moment Phil decided to make his appearance, ripping him out of his thoughts almost violently. “Morning!” he said, cheerfully, two cups of steaming coffee in his hands. He pushed one of them over to Dan after he had taken a seat.

 A look of confusion, even concern appeared on his face when Dan didn’t react, just continued staring at his laptop screen with his eyes wide open. “Dan? Are you okay? Have you seen a ghost?”

 The chatter behind him ended immediately. When he slowly turned around a group of seven people was staring at him, wide eyed. All of them scrambled to their feets as fast as they could. “You’re a cute couple!” one of the girls squeaked out, then they were gone, leaving Dan to explain the situation to Phil.

 Needless to say Phil wasn’t fazed at all, instead he used the story to make more flirty remarks, making Dan blush yet again.

 Damn, I’m fucked.

 ~~~~

Almost three months passed by in a rush and by december Dan couldn’t even recognize his life anymore. All the time he had previously spent alone in front of his laptop, browsing tumblr or watching Netflix, converted into Phil-time, slowly but surely. They played games or watched TV-Shows nearly every day after practice. Dan’s roommate had even asked him if he was moving out with all the time he spent away, but Dan couldn’t help himself. Phil lived in a flat near campus all alone. A tiny flat, sure, but it made for the best meetup place, especially for gaming or movie nights or for research about their next song - and it gave them some privacy. Not that much had happened yet aside from the increasingly flirty comments and occasional cuddle sessions, but it still made their friendship easier.

 Especially because they were now something like campus-famous and got recognized wherever they went.

 So far, they had aced most performances and were through to the last show before christmas break. After New Year’s there was only one show left before the big finale. They were pretty sure they had a good grade secured, but they still gave it their all - they had come so far, there was no way they were giving up now.

 In the upcoming show only seven groups were left and it was the first one with two mandatory songs, one optional and one christmas themed, dropping the rock theme just for this once. Since the last week was cut short - Christmas break started on thursday - they had an additional half week to prepare. Dan and Phil had decided on Panic! ’s High Hopes for the first song and Last Christmas for the second and as always, they had been quite fast with their work. They were practiced and basically done on Monday, so they allowed themselves the night off. Phil’s brother was in town and Dan had heartlessly neglected Tyler since the assignment started (his words), basically forcing Dan to spent the night with him.

 Fortunately Tyler had a lecture early the next morning, so he wasn’t trying to get himself or Dan trashed. He did, however, made use of the time by grilling Dan about his relationship to Phil.

 Dan was a bit annoyed, but at the end of the day he was glad to be able to talk about it, even if he would never admit to that. Louise and her group were still in the run for the finals too, which made her so busy they barely were able to talk for longer than a few minutes at a time - and he desperately needed an outsider’s opinion.

 It took him almost an hour to get Tyler up to date on what had happened, all the while getting interrupted by texts from Phil. Right when he was done explaining his phone dinged again, indicating another text.

 ‘the girl two tables over has a cute lil pup on her lap i keep staring she probs thinks i'm a perv help’ it read and he couldn’t help but chuckle. Tyler inspected him warily from across the table, absently playing with the straw in his half-empty cocktail. “Okay, who are you texting?” he asked then, fixing Dan with a steely gaze.

 “Oh, it’s just Phil,” he answered distractedly, typing a quick response before turning his attention back to Tyler. “Why?”

 “Are you shitting me?” he asked back, a fitting expression on his face like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Dan just answered with a surprised “huh?”, shooting him a confused look.

 “Mate, how dense can you be? You are basically dating the guy, only without the good parts!”

 Dan blinked, completely lost now, unable to follow Tyler’s train of thought. “What?”

 “You and Phil are dating, Dan, wake up! The only thing missing is the sex!”  Dan was stunned into silence, staring at Tyler like he had grown a second head. It took the thought a while to register in his brain, but then he blushed, taking a huge gulp of his drink before calling the waiter over to order another one.

 He needed more alcohol for this.

 ~~~~

 The show on wednesday evening went exceptionally well. They had the most fun rocking to High Hopes and got really festive during Last Christmas , with Dan at the Piano and Phil sat on top of it. Their professors called them over and into the next show immediately, making them giddy and high on adrenaline in the process.

 The christmas party thrown by the rock music department started directly afterwards and PJ and Louise, immensely proud of their best friends even though their own group had been voted out, insisted on going. Still in an after show rush they agreed, but soon realized why they normally didn’t like parties. It was loud, the room stuffed with people and the food was average at best, and it took them around twenty minutes to revert back to the snacks table, where they hid from the actual party.

 When Louise, PJ and Tyler of all people found them, sporting a cheeky expression, Dan knew they were fucked. They were leaning against a wall, talking and laughing with each other as much as the music allowed them to, and only a few people were inspecting them from afar.

 “Do you know where you’re standing?” PJ asked when the group was within earshot and Dan raised an eyebrow. “Next to the snacks table where we always are?” he remarked drily, making Phil chuckle next to him.

 “Look up!” Tyler singsonged with a high pitched voice and flattered his eyelashes with faked innocence.

 Dan perked up immediately. He knew that voice.

 He didn’t even need to look up to know what was fixated on the wall over their heads.

 “A Mistletoe!” Louise grinned so widely Dan was sure it had to hurt. He turned his attention to Phil, his heart throbbing in his chest on full speed.

 There was a cheeky smile on the guitarist’s face as he took a step closer, taking a hold of Dan’s head with both hands. “They want a kiss,” he murmured, lowly, “let’s give them a kiss.”

 The second his lips met Phil’s was like a firework going off everywhere inside of his body. For a moment he forgot where he was, hell, even who he was, just continued kissing Phil with passion and lust and love. He didn’t even hesitate opening up his mouth at Phil’s silent request to let him in, too far gone to care - hell, to even realize they had an audience.

 The kiss lasted for minutes and it probably could have gone on much longer if there wouldn’t have been a sudden outburst of applause. The blood took a second to reach Dan’s brain after having rushed somewhere south only seconds ago, but when it did, it immediately spread into his cheeks. They broke apart, Dan’s face still in Phil’s hands, silently contemplating the recent event.

 He had just kissed Phil Lester. In front of basically the whole rock music department.

 Great. Just great.

 The applause and whooping didn’t stop soon and he couldn’t do much more then to exchange a long look with Phil. They had a silent discussion Dan himself didn’t know the content of, until suddenly and with no indication there was panic on Phil’s face as he hastily let go of Dan and scrambled to get his phone out of his pocket. It was vibrating violently in his hands and Dan couldn’t even blink by the time Phil rasped out a “Shit! My brother is waiting for me!” and left in a rush.

 Dan stood there, staring after Phil until most of the students had averted their gazes from him and went back to whatever they had been doing before. When the ice in his veins freezing him into place finally dissipated, he groaned. He knew Phil’s brother Martyn was picking him up for Christmas with their family, and he wouldn’t be back until january.

 Of course. That’s just my fucking luck.

 ~~~

 He spent christmas break in some sort of limbo, like his relationship to Phil was Schrödinger’s cat, platonic and romantic at the same time. He knew the kiss had meant something not only to him but also to Phil, that much had been obvious with the way he had taken the offensive in deepening the kiss and how he had held him afterwards. But that was about the amount of information Dan had, and neither of them mentioned the kiss on any level, so he decided to just ignore the issue for now.

 It did made him jumpy and fidgety and mostly unable to focus, though, and only his frequent skype calls with Phil got him focused and concentrated enough to get some much needed work done.

 There were only two shows left, but they were only one week apart and both required three songs, so they decided to learn all songs over the break. They spent hours on skype, deciding on the songs and how to play and sing them, so they would be done learning their personal parts until they could meet back up in person.

 For a short moment, their reunion was like the sun had risen again. They hugged, soft words of attachment and longing on their lips, but then it was like someone had flipped a switch and they were back in working mode. Phil didn’t mention the kiss and Dan didn’t dare to, so they went back to Status Quo, just like that.

 The first show in the new year went okay-ish. Neither of them poured everything into it, already looking forward to the songs they had chosen for the finale, but they still managed to pull through. Their only truly memorable performance was The Black Parade by My Chemical Romance , which they definitely aced, but the other ones admittedly fell a bit flat. Both their professors urged them to not take it too lightly just because they had done so amazingly until now, so they swore to give everything they had in their last performances together.

 They were the first group performing in the finale. It wasn’t hard for Dan to get in the mood of their songs, considering they were all pining lovesongs and he would have the one he was pining after up on stage with him, so he was glad they got to go first. It made the waiting and anticipation in between easier, and waiting for the results when they were done didn’t mean much to him anyway - he didn’t care too much about winning.

 He just wanted to give his best, pour all his feelings into the songs when he was up there with Phil. He wanted to make it obvious that he meant every word he was singing.

 He wanted to get Phil to understand…

 In short, he just wanted Phil.

 Their first song was a soft piano interpretation of It’s not living (If it’s not with you) by The 1975 , and Dan was so entranced by Phil he forgot to look at his hands while playing. He didn’t make a single mistake, thankfully,  but if he would have made one he probably wouldn’t even have noticed. He benefited from the fact that he had practiced the piano part so often on the tiny piano in his childhood bedroom that his parents had asked him to please, please stop.

 They spent their break with a bottle of coke huddled together on a tiny sofa backstage, making loose conversation and trying to get their mind off of things. Dan basked in the close physical proximity and simply smiled when Phil just casually took his hand while he talked, playing with his fingers. He had a feeling that things would be going well.

 Dan had particularly fun during their next song. The Last Of The Real Ones by Fallout Boy was one of his favorite songs and he connected a lot of the lyrics to Phil. The piano playing was not an issue this time since they had both laid down their playing previously and conjoined it in a track, so he had all the time in the world to focus on Phil, which he took full advantage of. They riled up the crowd so much that Tyler, who had agreed to be the presenter of the night, had trouble getting them back in check for the next group.

 During christmas break, far away from Phil and his feelings, their next song had seemed like a good idea. It was romantic, emotional and full of love and Dan couldn’t think of any other song that would make his feelings for Phil more clear than this.

 Now, though, it seemed entirely too personal to perform in front of what felt like the whole Uni. During practice he had refrained from building too much of a connection, afraid of taking it too far, but now he didn’t have much of a choice and it made him more nervous than any other performance before. His hands were sweaty, his stomach was rumbling and he was ready to cancel the whole thing when Phil noticed the state he was in.

 “Dan,” he whispered, pointedly ignoring the other people lounging around backstage, completely focusing on Dan, “It’ll be okay. You will be okay. And I will be with you, right there by your side the whole time, okay?”

 It was in this moment that something settled in Dan’s chest. He returned Phil’s fond look with courage and determination, grasping his hand in his and squeezing it tightly. “Me too. We’re on the same page.”

 He was sure Phil caught the double meaning when his look got soft. “I think I always knew,” he answered quietly, almost inaudible. “Let’s do this.”

 ~~~

 Their last performance of this assignment was a complete success. They performed The Only Exception by Paramore sitting huddled together on the little Piano stool in front of the huge piano and didn’t take their eyes off of each other the entire time. It was so emotional Tyler had tears in his eyes when he came on stage, hugging first Phil, then Dan tightly, muttering a soft “go get ‘em, tiger” into Dan’s ear and Dan could feel his heart swelling.

 This was it.

 Backstage, thankfully, they were alone. Both of the other groups were nowhere to be seen, and Phil obviously noticed faster than him.

 Before he even had the chance to turn around from closing the door he was already spun around and pressed against the next hard surface, Phil’s lips attacking his own.

 For what felt like ages they were kissing furiously, like they had deprived themselves of this for far too long and now a dam had been broken down, nothing holding them back anymore.

 Once they were out of breath Phil separated their lips, lovingly gazing into his eyes instead. “I have waited for this for far too long,” he whispered quietly, softly, his hands on the sides of Dan’s head, his thumbs gently caressing his cheeks.

 “Me too,” he mumbled back, drowning in Phil’s eyes and feeling himself falling, falling; falling even deeper in love with him. “I meant every word I sang.”

 There was a beat of quiet, then:

 “I love you.”

 The words were muttered completely simultaneously, and for the single bat of an eye both stared at the other, stunned into silence.

 Then they were both dissolving into giggles, holding onto the other to keep from toppling over.

 “That,” Phil gasped out, “was so us.”

 Dan couldn’t help but agree.

 ~~~

 “Do you really think so, Badiha?”

 “I don’t know, Henry, but they did seem smitten during that song, don’t you think?”

 “True!”

 There was a group of at least five people seated in the booth directly behind Dan’s and even though he wasn’t that much of a gossip he couldn’t help but eavesdrop. He was busily procrastinating the work he needed to do until the next day, refreshing tumblr around ten times a minute, so it wasn’t too surprising the conversation distracted him as soon as it got loud enough for him to hear.

 “But they haven’t been seen in public with each other in ages aside from their performances. I just really want them to be happy with each other, is that too much to ask?”

 That was the first voice again. Dan allowed himself a short look at the group out of the corner of his eyes and recognized all faces he was able to pick up on. They had all been to the performance Phil and him did twice a week in a near bar ever since their joint assignment last year, he was sure of it. He mostly recognized them because of the person that had spoken first, a girl with the pride flag drawn on her eyelids. He remembered how she had attracted his attention during their first show because of her truly iconic makeup.

 “I know, right?!” a male voice joined in and this time Dan didn’t need the information practically jumping into his face to realize they were talking about him and Phil.

 After their win in the finale they had decided to keep their relationship at a down low, trying to make themselves comfortable with being boyfriends before they truly made it public. They were still pretty famous throughout the students and the center of the rumor mill, but they had been in a relationship for almost a year now and had only recently realized there was nothing to be afraid of if everybody knew. Most of them would be happy for them, and the rest of them, well -

 They’d just have to suck it up.

 That was the moment his boyfriend decided to show up. He slid into the booth, taking a seat directly next to Dan, pressing their thighs together. “Morning, love,” he greeted Dan gently, planting a kiss on his cheek before grinning happily. “Busy procrastinating?”

 “Yeah,” Dan replied extra loud, grinning right back, “but I’d rather kiss my boyfriend.”

 So they shared a short, cute kiss, making the group behind them gasp loudly. “It’s them,” the girl with the pride flag on her eyelids whispered into the silence stretching between them. Dan grinned.

 “It is,” he confirmed cheekily, turning around to look at her. “Very iconic Make-up by the way, I like it.”

 “Oh my god, thank you,” she answered, a blush becoming apparent on her cheeks and Dan’s grin only got wider before he turned his attention back around to Phil.

 “What was that about?” he asked with a raised eyebrow and his head cutely tilted to the side.

 Dan pecked him on the lips. “Had to make a point.”

 Phil looked back cheekily, a grin on his face so wide Dan was able to see his tongue poking out between his teeth. “A point about what?”

 Dan puffed out his cheeks, feigning huffiness. Phil knew exactly what this was about, and they were both aware of that. “You’re an idiot,” he said, pouting.

 “Yeah, but I’m your idiot.”

 Dan looked at him, eyes full of fondness and adoration and love. “Exactly.”

[rainbow-filmnerd]

Big Things are Coming!

Hey Guys! I have several things to talk about in terms of the next few months, and a lot of them are gonna be big!

This week is my last week of my final semester at Manchester Community College (a few weeks ago, I am just done with that place) and on this coming Wednesday, I will have my last day on campus before I have to complete a couple assignments by either Thursday and Saturday (my goal is to finish before I go to work on Friday evening! I will explain more later.). I have two final exams to take; Biology (which I will constantly study for before taking the exam on Tuesday. Gotta get it done before Creative Writing starts. RIP) and US History, which is a take-home exam, and as mentioned previously, I will have to finish it before I go to work on Friday.

On this coming Saturday, my older brother is graduating from college, and my parents and I are going over to Keene for the ceremony. I'm just glad I got the day off at work, because Keene is nearly two hours away from home, and that's just the second reason on why I won't make it in. Next week, the four of us will be headed to New York City from Monday to Thursday (I told my manager that I can't come in on Sunday because I'll be out of town, but she doesn't have to know that I'm leaving on Monday. I'm just hoping I don't have to come in on the 12th. LOL). And due to that, I will not be online on here, Instagram, Tumblr or Twitter, because I don't know if there'll be WiFi at the hotel we're staying at. I will explain more about my NYC trip when I get home.

Aside from work, I have some summer activities in the coming (I will explain more about FanExpo Boston in the next paragraph), such as family trips, the movies (I have to see Endgame. Social media is a freaking minefield when it comes to the movie's spoilers!), maybe Canobie Lake Park, and a Fisher Cats game. On June 21st, my Dad, older brother and I will be attending their "Comic Con Night", and I'll be dressed for the occasion. I decided to dress up as Rebel Eleven from Stranger Things, as seen in the last few episodes of the second season. Overall, I wanted to do a easier cosplay and save the hard work for FanExpo Boston. Plus, Season 3 is premiering on the Fourth of July, not long after the Fisher Cats game, so that should bring some ST hype.

You guys probably know about this by now, but I have plans in going to FanExpo Boston yet again for 2019. I have decided that I'm dressing up as Wirt from Over the Garden Wall, mainly because he was the only idea I had for a cosplay this year at the convention, and I watched the series a few months ago. I do not know if my Dad and I are going on Saturday or Sunday, because as of May 5th, there isn't any announcements of certain panels. And in terms of celebrity meetings, I am heavily considering meeting one this year, and that is FREAKING Sean Astin! I may be meeting 2012!Raphael and Bob Newby himself! There has been some other celebrity announcements, but none of them really got me thinking of meeting them (except maybe David Harbour, who portrays Jim Hopper on ST, but that depends if I still want to meet him and if I'm going on Sunday). I will be working hard on my Wirt cosplay because I have to sew his hat and cape. I did find a tutorial of both by the same person on YouTube, and I'll have to give her a shoutout once I'm happy with the costume pieces' execution.

Lastly, in late August, since I finished two years of MCC, I will be transferring to another school to get my associate's degree. Since I have my heart set on majoring in Film Studies, the closest school for that is in Keene State College. In early March, I was finally admitted as a student and will start my classes in the Fall (I just got them a few days ago, and I'm really excited!). Some KSC stuff will be happening in the summer, mainly preparations and an orientation for transfer students sometime next month.

As a little bonus, and I mentioned it previously, but in honor of TMNT's 35th Anniversary (which was yesterday BTW), Granite State Comic Con is having Kevin Eastman and the four original voice actors of the Turtles (including Rob Paulsen, whom I met last year) as guests at the convention. I am debating whether or not to go, because I don't know who else is set to show up at FanExpo Boston, it is on a weekend while I'm at school (luckily, my class schedule doesn't interfere, but it'll depend on what schoolwork I'll have to get done), and tickets are $10-15 cheaper than the ones at FanExpo Boston (which is $35 per ticket for just one day). If I do decide to go, I'll come home for that weekend (with no plans to dress up!) and meet Kevin Eastman and maybe say hello to Rob again, because I wanna tell him how awesome of a job he's doing as RotTMNT's voice director.

Well, that's all I'm sharing with you guys for now. I apologize if this journal was long, but I have a lot of stuff bond to happen in this short amount of time, and I really wanted to share it with you guys. Also, I have a goal to finish "Beauty and Dangerous", my TMNT fanfiction, before I got to school on Sunday. I will try to post Chapter 11 before the end of the month.

I'll talk to you all later!

[rebeccahpedersen]

Everybody Wants To Talk About DEBT!

TorontoRealtyBlog

Was last week March Break?

I barely noticed.

Sure, the real estate market was slow, and that always happens this time of year.  But if you had told me that it was actually “Debt Week,” I might have believed you.

When I sat down on Friday afternoon to read all the articles I had bookmarked during the week, I noticed a common theme.  Aside from SNC Lavalin, which is actually boring the pants off me right now, I noticed that there were a solid five or six articles about debt.

Consumer debt, mortgage debt, worldwide debt, and the debt that finances real estate construction – all appeared in front-page stories in the major newspapers.

There are so many directions in which we could take today’s conversation, especially with the Federal budget being announced this week, so let me feed you a few links from last week (all of which you should read!) and provide my comments as well as the takeaways.

–

From the Huffington Post on Friday, March 15th:

“Total Debt Worldwide Hits $240 Trillion And The Bank Of Canada Is Worried”

A number like $240 Trillion is eye-catching, and yet I think this headline would have been lost on most casual readers.

Sure, the number is big.  But it’s so big that it almost seems out-of-touch with the average reader, who is more concerned with the $25 charge on their Rogers bill that they don’t understand.  I really fail to believe that 90% of the population could care at all whether worldwide debt is $240 Trillion or $240 Million.  Many don’t understand the difference, but even those that do likely just aren’t interested.

I mean, how does that number affect you?

You being anybody from the 21-year-old who just finished school and is trying to decide whether to get a job at ABC Corp riding a desk all day, or try your hand at becoming an “Influencer” on social media, to a 46-year-old, middle-class parent of two, to a 72-year-old retiree bouncing back and forth between Florida and the GTA every few months.

Pardon my cynicism this early on a Monday morning, but while the regular TRB reader both understands and cares about that headline, most people do not.  And perhaps that is part of the reason why worldwide debt is at an all-time high?

Very few people out there could actually sit down and hold an intellectual conversation about where the world could or will be in two, five, or ten years if this continues, and/or if the same countries continue borrowing, and the same countries continue lending.

Does the guy living in the proverbial trailer-park in Alabama really understand the $22 Trillion national debt?  If you told him that countries like China & Japan partially own the mighty United States, don’t you think he would just stereotypically kick back another Budweiser and yell ‘Merica?

Does the 20-year-old at Ryerson University have any interest in fiscal and monetary policy?  Do they even teach that in school anymore?  I know, I know – tell me once again that I’m out of touch, but I’ll gladly take that as a compliment if we’re somehow rewarding and applauding the 27-year-old downtown condo-dweller for taking 42 photos of his salad to get the “right one” for Instagram, rather than reading…………………a book.

Yeah, that made me sound old alright.

But my point is that part of the reason that worldwide debt is so high is because of two things that we will never change:

1) People don’t understand. 2) People don’t care.

On a worldwide basis, people don’t care.  Why does worldwide debt interest the average Canadian?  It doesn’t.

On an individual basis, many people still don’t care.  Should the 27-year-old condo dweller spend $1,200 on his VISA for bottle service at a nightclub on Saturday night?  The answer doesn’t matter, because he’s going to.  He’ll simply “deal with it.”

That’s my rant.

Now for the most notable portion of the Huffington Post article:

Canada’s high household debt, which is now more than 178 per cent of disposable income, is the central bank’s top domestic financial vulnerability, she said.

“The good news for Canadian businesses and households is that the financial system — globally and here at home — is safer than it was a decade ago thanks to much stronger safeguards,” she said.

Wilkins added it’s important for policy-makers around the world to continue efforts to conduct stress tests on different parts of the financial system, and, when necessary, put in safeguards.

Say what you want about Canadian real estate, the CMHC, interest rates, borrowing, and the like, but let’s not ever lose sight of the fact that our banking system is one of the safest in the world, and that’s partially due to all of the changes implemented after we watched the sub-prime mortgage crisis play out in the United States in 2008…

–

From the CBC.ca on Thursday, March 14th:

“Statistics Canada Says Household Debt Grew Faster Than Income In Fourth Quarter”

Let me sound like an old man again and say, “I remember.”

I remember when the ratio of household debt to income topped 120%.

I remember when it topped 130%.

By the time it topped 140%, it was clear that things weren’t going to change.

It topped 150% back around 2008.

I barely noticed when it topped 160%.

Hovering in the 160’s, I started to round up and say “About 170%.”

And last week, a report came out that noted household debt in Canada rose from 178.3% in the 3rd quarter of 2018 to 178.5% in the 4th quarter.  I mean, that’s basically 179%, which is basically 180%.

So there we are!  A new threshold!

From the article:

On a seasonally adjusted basis, Statistics Canada said households borrowed $21.2 billion in the fourth quarter as mortgage loan demand rose $2.3 billion to $12.3 billion.

However, despite the increase in the fourth quarter, on an annual basis, household credit market borrowing fell 19.5 per cent to $84.6 billion in 2018, the lowest level of borrowing since 2014.

Credit market debt, which includes consumer credit and mortgage and non-mortgage loans, totalled nearly $2.21 trillion in the fourth quarter.

Mortgage debt reached nearly $1.44 trillion, while consumer credit and non-mortgage loans combined to total $769.4 billion.

The bears should have a field day with this one…

–

From the Financial Post  on Thursday, March 14th:

“Consumer Debt Stabilizing, But Canadian Banks Face ‘Significant’ Risk If Economy Goes South, Moody’s Warns”

Here’s a different media outlet’s interpretation of the debt-to-income ratios announced last week, with this Financial Post article concluding that the debt to income ratio had “levelled off.”

Of course, they also noted that the amount borrowed and the way it’s borrowed is concerning.

Interesting from this article was a note about auto loans; something I had yet to hear about until now:

There are also signs that some consumers, facing higher mortgage costs, are agreeing to “longer term manufacturer-subsidized auto loans” with lower payments.

“As vehicles depreciate each year, longer-term loans result in higher rates of ‘negative equity’ where the value of the vehicle is less than the amount of loan principal,” the report says.

This article mentioned that the share of the “Big Six” banks had fallen, with one particular bank’s share increasing at a notable rate:

The Canadian arm of HSBC Holdings Plc, have managed to grow their share of the mortgage market to 6.4 per cent in 2018 from 5.4 per cent in 2016.

–

From the Globe & Mail on Thursday, March 14th:

“Many Canadians Say They’ll Have To Tap RRSP’s, Take Second Mortgages, Sell Assets As Debt Burden Rises”

I spent $120 on chicken on Saturday for no apparent reason.

I went to Loblaws to pick up strawberries, milk, and eggs, as per my wife’s request, but I noticed that chicken was on an insane sale; something like $7/KG.  That’s basically $10 for a pack with five massive chicken breasts, which, if you’re picking up on the way home from work one day at any grocery store is likely going to be priced around $22.

So I picked up $120 worth, took it home, put six chicken breasts in each Ziploc bag, and placed them in my freezer like it were a file cabinet for meat.  My wife makes me dinner on Monday night with enough for Tuesday, and on Wednesday night with enough for Thursday, every week, and chicken is a staple of that diet.  This cost savings was a no brainer, as was the eight minutes it took for me to shuffle the meat into my freezer.

I have had both friends and family call me “cheap” before, but I think it’s the very definition of frugality.

As 2019 rolls on, I wonder more and more if financial accountability, ie. one’s personal responsibility for his or her own financial situation, has completely fallen off in the last half-decade.  Too many parents are buying their children $300 hockey sticks when the kids would do just fine with $30 versions.  Too many cleaning ladies feel as though they need the new iPhone.

Sorry if that sounds rude, but I’ve always felt that truth and common sense should trump sensitivity and potential to be offended, although I don’t know if that plays well in today’s society.

I sell real estate for a living, so call me biased when I think that buying a home for you or your family is more important, and a better investment, than consumables.  Expensive dinners, brand-name clothing, and sporting/music events – most of which people can’t afford.

Every time I check Instagram I see that so-and-so is out at the Leafs game, or down in Punta Cana, or out at some la-de-da restaurant that will be the envy of everybody in the know.

OF COURSE Canadians are taking second mortgages, selling assets, and tapping into RRSP’s.  Nobody saves anymore!  Nobody thinks about money or the future, or has a financial plan.

Sidebar here, but Rob Carrick wrote a brilliant article last week called, “It’s Time To Stop Pretending RRSP’s Are A Universal Retirement Savings”

You won’t believe this, or, perhaps you will…

Statistics Canada numbers show RRSP contributions grew by 2.6 per cent annually to $40.4-billion between 2005 and 2016, the most recent year for which there is data. This isn’t a mind-blowing number, but it’s much ahead of the average 1.7-per-cent inflation rate for that period.

The census of who’s actually contributing this money is where you see the real story in RRSP contribution patterns:people aged 25 to 34 fell to 11 per cent of contributors in 2016 from 14 per cent in 2005;

35- to 44-year-olds fell to 19 per cent from 26 per cent; 45- to 54-year-olds fell to 28 per cent from 32 per cent; 55- to 64-year-olds surged to 31 per cent from 23 per cent; people 65 or older jumped to 9 per cent from 4 per cent.

–

From Better Dwelling on Monday, March 11th:

“Canadian Real Estate Developer Debt Hits An All Time High”

Have you ever wondered how these condominium projects are built?

I’m sure the naive and/or uninterested folks out there simply assume that some “billionaire” buys a plot of land and constructs a condo, all while eating caviar on a yacht.  But most of the readers know that the banks finance these projects, and much of the time, the builders don’t have a whole lot of skin in the game.

Of course, it’s also possible that developments could be financed by syndicated mortgages, but we found out last December that Fortress Developments was a sham all along.

This article from Better Dwelling puts accurate numbers to the speculative nature of real estate financing in Canada.  This is really great stuff:

Canadian real estate developers are pushing their debt capacity to new highs. Bank of Canada (BoC) numbers show developers racked up a new record high at for credit at chartered banks in Q4 2018. Debt levels for developers are almost three-quarters higher than previous peaks.

Canadian real estate developers have borrowed a new all-time record. The balance of loans at chartered banks reached $16.68 billion in Q4 2018, up 2.36% from the quarter prior. This represents a massive 20.28% climb when compared to the same month last year. The previous record was a quarter before, which topped the Q4 2016 high.

Later in the article, we’re told in massive bold text: “Canadian developers borrowed over 70% more to fund this boom”

To appreciate how much money developers borrowed from banks, you need to look at past peaks. The 2008 peak was only 1.11% larger than the peak reached in the previous building boom in 1992. It wasn’t until 2013 when the current trend breached that level for good. In the most recent quarter of Q4 2018, we’re 72.3% higher than 2013 levels. It’s a lot of leverage for the peak cycle this time around.

–

Well, that’s a lot of reading for a Monday, if you take my advice and bookmark those links.

It’s also a lot of cynicism, but I can’t help it.

You regular TRB readers are far smarter than the average bear (in the Yogi sense, not financial market sense), and maybe you’re nicer, quieter, and humbler than me, but I really do think that most of society out there today has a “YOLO” mentality, and they’re busy living today with very little regard for tomorrow.

Financial literacy was a huge topic on this blog in 2018, and it will continue to be as we move forward.

So much of the debt out there today is unnecessary.

But does that even matter in the context of conversations about debt-to-income, interest rates, the real estate market, et al?

Have we actually surpassed the time to discuss financial accountability?  Is that how far we’ve come?

The post Everybody Wants To Talk About DEBT! appeared first on Toronto Realty Blog.

Originated from https://ift.tt/2TdJkou

[dani-qrt]

Small-Town Wisdom for You and Me

Want the Australia Letter by email? Sign up and forward it to friends so we can expand our discussion about Australia and the world.

______

Innovators come in many forms. Take Tom Smith. He’s a pig farmer in rural Victoria, a quiet man with a white beard who you’d walk right by in Bunnings without even noticing.

But in 2008, without any guidance, he went out on a limb and posted a help wanted ad in a Manila newspaper. Then he went there, found a few people he liked and started sponsoring worker visas.

It was a bold if simple act that has led dozens of Filipino families to move to a town called Pyramid Hill — reversing population decline, and laying the groundwork for a model of multiculturalism far healthier than what can be found in many cities.

“When you’re desperate, it’s just what you do,” Tom told me when we first met. But it wasn’t just that. There was a glint of mischief in his eye. “I saw it as a bit of a challenge,” he said, smiling, “to try and do something different.”

That urge to break the mold, to resist conformity and decline, ran through the story I wrote about Pyramid Hill’s transformation.

The article was Part 2 of a series we published this week about regional Australia — Part 1 focused on the tragedy of farmer suicides — and I hope you’ll read both stories if you haven’t yet. They’re an attempt by our bureau to cover oft-overlooked issues and areas with depth and nuance.

But here in this week’s newsletter, I also wanted to highlight Tom and his efforts because they amount to a personal challenge.

What he and many others in Pyramid Hill have done is stretch beyond their comfort zones. Both Anglos and Filipinos have gone out of their way to bring people together. They cheer each others children on. They help each other when tragedies hit. They share meals together, often.

And in conversations from the pub to the piggery, I heard both pride and frustration: pride, because people felt that what they had learned about how to build a multicultural community should be applied more broadly; frustration, because small-town views are so often ignored.

Canberra, they said, was too focused on petty squabbles and the problems with immigration. City elites, they added, rarely invest much time in engaging with people who are different.

“City people are so wrapped up in their own world,” said Gail Smith, the breeding supervisor at Kia-Ora, the pig farm Tom runs with his sons. “They need to broaden their horizons.”

Many of the Filipinos I met in Pyramid Hill agreed, having moved from cities like Brisbane.

Their comments made me think not just of my own life in Sydney, but also New York — a diverse but highly segregated city by race and income, where people often think they’re open-minded simply because they share a subway car with people from different backgrounds.

In fact, it takes quite a lot more than proximity to create social cohesion — a society that truly reflects the Enlightenment principle of equality for all.

Australia does plenty of academic research on the subject. There are some inspiring speeches to be found from government officials, too — like this one from 2015. There are even sizable grants for projects that address social cohesion.

But Pyramid Hill speaks to something else: the power of individual actions, sustained over time.

At the end of the day, many people told me, countries — like towns, or city neighborhoods, or even sports teams — only cohere when people prioritize getting to know each other and looking out for each other.

I keep coming back to what Tom told me when I asked why Pyramid Hill seemed to be so integrated, with connections spanning ethnic boundaries and conversations that go beyond platitudes or conventional wisdom.

“People in the country mix, and need to mix,” he said. “It’s just different out here; it’s the only way to survive.”

Something to chew on.

______

Before we dive into the week’s stories you shouldn’t miss, along with a recommendation, a bit of community housekeeping is in order:

• Many of you shared fantastic lists of Top 5 things you love about Sydney (and one you loathe). We’ll be back soon with a creative treatment of a few of our favorites.

• We’re trying something a little different in the NYT Australia Facebook group next week. Liminal, a Melbourne-based magazine that publishes art by and interviews with talented Asian Australians, will be “taking over” the group for a week (starting Monday) to lead some really interesting and inclusive discussions about race, identity and Australia. Join the group now if you haven’t already — we’d love you to get involved throughout the week.

______

I loved this little story about London’s red telephone booths being refashioned in creative ways, with books, businesses and other creative ideas.

And of course, we’ve had LOTS of coverage about London’s other news: the royal wedding. A rundown of everything we did can be found on our special Royal Wedding Collection page.

______

The latest on North Korea?

North Korea said on Thursday that it would reconsider holding a summit meeting between its leader, Kim Jong-un, and President Trump, singling out Vice President Mike Pence for remarks that a top official called “ignorant and stupid.”

News

• In Australia, Fears of Chinese Meddling Rise on U.N. Bribery Case Revelation: An Australian politician identified Chau Chak Wing, an Australian citizen of Chinese descent, as a co-conspirator in a 2015 bribery case.

• With Senator’s Snub, Australia Gets Stood Up by U.S. — Again: Senator Bob Corker of Tennessee declined to become the ambassador, just weeks after President Trump’s previous choice was reassigned. Should Australia be taking this personally?

• Australian Archbishop Philip Wilson Guilty of Sexual Abuse Cover-Up: He became the highest-ranking Catholic official to be convicted of concealing child sexual abuse, and could face two years in prison.

Culture / Fun

• Courtney Barnett Faces Doubts and Doubters on ‘Tell Me How You Really Feel’: Newly unguarded, the songwriter sets aside her sly character studies in favor of declarations and confrontations on her second solo studio album.

• Big Things and Long Goodbyes: A poem remembering a last road trip taken together before a long separation.

• A Very Hungry Black Hole Is Found, Gorging on Stars: Astronomers in Australia say they have discovered a fast-growing black hole swallowing stars in a baby galaxy 12 billion light-years from here.

______

… And We Recommend

At sunrise this morning, hundreds of Sydneysiders (including me, my wife and our two kids) gathered at Bondi Beach to raise awareness and finance research for brain cancer by trying to set a world record of the largest gathering of people wearing beanies (winter hats for all you Americans), in support of the Mark Hughes Foundation.

We discovered the organization through the death of Matt Callander and the way that his friends, supporters and neighbors have rallied to the cause has been an inspiration. We’ve purchased many beanies for brain cancer, and encourage others to do the same.

Here’s my Instagram post from the gathering this morning, a moment of community love drawn from sorrow.

Correction: 

An earlier version of this newsletter included an incorrect reference to Mark Hughes. We regret the error.

Damien Cave is the Australia bureau chief for The New York Times. He’s covered migration issues across the United States, and in Latin America and the Middle East, for more than a decade. Follow him on Twitter: @damiencave.

The post Small-Town Wisdom for You and Me appeared first on World The News.

from World The News https://ift.tt/2LqxGni via Online News

[party-hard-or-die]

Small-Town Wisdom for You and Me

Want the Australia Letter by email? Sign up and forward it to friends so we can expand our discussion about Australia and the world.

______

Innovators come in many forms. Take Tom Smith. He’s a pig farmer in rural Victoria, a quiet man with a white beard who you’d walk right by in Bunnings without even noticing.

But in 2008, without any guidance, he went out on a limb and posted a help wanted ad in a Manila newspaper. Then he went there, found a few people he liked and started sponsoring worker visas.

It was a bold if simple act that has led dozens of Filipino families to move to a town called Pyramid Hill — reversing population decline, and laying the groundwork for a model of multiculturalism far healthier than what can be found in many cities.

“When you’re desperate, it’s just what you do,” Tom told me when we first met. But it wasn’t just that. There was a glint of mischief in his eye. “I saw it as a bit of a challenge,” he said, smiling, “to try and do something different.”

That urge to break the mold, to resist conformity and decline, ran through the story I wrote about Pyramid Hill’s transformation.

The article was Part 2 of a series we published this week about regional Australia — Part 1 focused on the tragedy of farmer suicides — and I hope you’ll read both stories if you haven’t yet. They’re an attempt by our bureau to cover oft-overlooked issues and areas with depth and nuance.

But here in this week’s newsletter, I also wanted to highlight Tom and his efforts because they amount to a personal challenge.

What he and many others in Pyramid Hill have done is stretch beyond their comfort zones. Both Anglos and Filipinos have gone out of their way to bring people together. They cheer each others children on. They help each other when tragedies hit. They share meals together, often.

And in conversations from the pub to the piggery, I heard both pride and frustration: pride, because people felt that what they had learned about how to build a multicultural community should be applied more broadly; frustration, because small-town views are so often ignored.

Canberra, they said, was too focused on petty squabbles and the problems with immigration. City elites, they added, rarely invest much time in engaging with people who are different.

“City people are so wrapped up in their own world,” said Gail Smith, the breeding supervisor at Kia-Ora, the pig farm Tom runs with his sons. “They need to broaden their horizons.”

Many of the Filipinos I met in Pyramid Hill agreed, having moved from cities like Brisbane.

Their comments made me think not just of my own life in Sydney, but also New York — a diverse but highly segregated city by race and income, where people often think they’re open-minded simply because they share a subway car with people from different backgrounds.

In fact, it takes quite a lot more than proximity to create social cohesion — a society that truly reflects the Enlightenment principle of equality for all.

Australia does plenty of academic research on the subject. There are some inspiring speeches to be found from government officials, too — like this one from 2015. There are even sizable grants for projects that address social cohesion.

But Pyramid Hill speaks to something else: the power of individual actions, sustained over time.

At the end of the day, many people told me, countries — like towns, or city neighborhoods, or even sports teams — only cohere when people prioritize getting to know each other and looking out for each other.

I keep coming back to what Tom told me when I asked why Pyramid Hill seemed to be so integrated, with connections spanning ethnic boundaries and conversations that go beyond platitudes or conventional wisdom.

“People in the country mix, and need to mix,” he said. “It’s just different out here; it’s the only way to survive.”

Something to chew on.

______

Before we dive into the week’s stories you shouldn’t miss, along with a recommendation, a bit of community housekeeping is in order:

• Many of you shared fantastic lists of Top 5 things you love about Sydney (and one you loathe). We’ll be back soon with a creative treatment of a few of our favorites.

• We’re trying something a little different in the NYT Australia Facebook group next week. Liminal, a Melbourne-based magazine that publishes art by and interviews with talented Asian Australians, will be “taking over” the group for a week (starting Monday) to lead some really interesting and inclusive discussions about race, identity and Australia. Join the group now if you haven’t already — we’d love you to get involved throughout the week.

______

I loved this little story about London’s red telephone booths being refashioned in creative ways, with books, businesses and other creative ideas.

And of course, we’ve had LOTS of coverage about London’s other news: the royal wedding. A rundown of everything we did can be found on our special Royal Wedding Collection page.

______

The latest on North Korea?

North Korea said on Thursday that it would reconsider holding a summit meeting between its leader, Kim Jong-un, and President Trump, singling out Vice President Mike Pence for remarks that a top official called “ignorant and stupid.”

News

• In Australia, Fears of Chinese Meddling Rise on U.N. Bribery Case Revelation: An Australian politician identified Chau Chak Wing, an Australian citizen of Chinese descent, as a co-conspirator in a 2015 bribery case.

• With Senator’s Snub, Australia Gets Stood Up by U.S. — Again: Senator Bob Corker of Tennessee declined to become the ambassador, just weeks after President Trump’s previous choice was reassigned. Should Australia be taking this personally?

• Australian Archbishop Philip Wilson Guilty of Sexual Abuse Cover-Up: He became the highest-ranking Catholic official to be convicted of concealing child sexual abuse, and could face two years in prison.

Culture / Fun

• Courtney Barnett Faces Doubts and Doubters on ‘Tell Me How You Really Feel’: Newly unguarded, the songwriter sets aside her sly character studies in favor of declarations and confrontations on her second solo studio album.

• Big Things and Long Goodbyes: A poem remembering a last road trip taken together before a long separation.

• A Very Hungry Black Hole Is Found, Gorging on Stars: Astronomers in Australia say they have discovered a fast-growing black hole swallowing stars in a baby galaxy 12 billion light-years from here.

______

… And We Recommend

At sunrise this morning, hundreds of Sydneysiders (including me, my wife and our two kids) gathered at Bondi Beach to raise awareness and finance research for brain cancer by trying to set a world record of the largest gathering of people wearing beanies (winter hats for all you Americans), in support of the Mark Hughes Foundation.

We discovered the organization through the death of Matt Callander and the way that his friends, supporters and neighbors have rallied to the cause has been an inspiration. We’ve purchased many beanies for brain cancer, and encourage others to do the same.

Here’s my Instagram post from the gathering this morning, a moment of community love drawn from sorrow.

Correction: 

An earlier version of this newsletter included an incorrect reference to Mark Hughes. We regret the error.

Damien Cave is the Australia bureau chief for The New York Times. He’s covered migration issues across the United States, and in Latin America and the Middle East, for more than a decade. Follow him on Twitter: @damiencave.

The post Small-Town Wisdom for You and Me appeared first on World The News.

from World The News https://ift.tt/2LqxGni via Breaking News

[dragnews]

Small-Town Wisdom for You and Me

Want the Australia Letter by email? Sign up and forward it to friends so we can expand our discussion about Australia and the world.

______

Innovators come in many forms. Take Tom Smith. He’s a pig farmer in rural Victoria, a quiet man with a white beard who you’d walk right by in Bunnings without even noticing.

But in 2008, without any guidance, he went out on a limb and posted a help wanted ad in a Manila newspaper. Then he went there, found a few people he liked and started sponsoring worker visas.

It was a bold if simple act that has led dozens of Filipino families to move to a town called Pyramid Hill — reversing population decline, and laying the groundwork for a model of multiculturalism far healthier than what can be found in many cities.

“When you’re desperate, it’s just what you do,” Tom told me when we first met. But it wasn’t just that. There was a glint of mischief in his eye. “I saw it as a bit of a challenge,” he said, smiling, “to try and do something different.”

That urge to break the mold, to resist conformity and decline, ran through the story I wrote about Pyramid Hill’s transformation.

The article was Part 2 of a series we published this week about regional Australia — Part 1 focused on the tragedy of farmer suicides — and I hope you’ll read both stories if you haven’t yet. They’re an attempt by our bureau to cover oft-overlooked issues and areas with depth and nuance.

But here in this week’s newsletter, I also wanted to highlight Tom and his efforts because they amount to a personal challenge.

What he and many others in Pyramid Hill have done is stretch beyond their comfort zones. Both Anglos and Filipinos have gone out of their way to bring people together. They cheer each others children on. They help each other when tragedies hit. They share meals together, often.

And in conversations from the pub to the piggery, I heard both pride and frustration: pride, because people felt that what they had learned about how to build a multicultural community should be applied more broadly; frustration, because small-town views are so often ignored.

Canberra, they said, was too focused on petty squabbles and the problems with immigration. City elites, they added, rarely invest much time in engaging with people who are different.

“City people are so wrapped up in their own world,” said Gail Smith, the breeding supervisor at Kia-Ora, the pig farm Tom runs with his sons. “They need to broaden their horizons.”

Many of the Filipinos I met in Pyramid Hill agreed, having moved from cities like Brisbane.

Their comments made me think not just of my own life in Sydney, but also New York — a diverse but highly segregated city by race and income, where people often think they’re open-minded simply because they share a subway car with people from different backgrounds.

In fact, it takes quite a lot more than proximity to create social cohesion — a society that truly reflects the Enlightenment principle of equality for all.

Australia does plenty of academic research on the subject. There are some inspiring speeches to be found from government officials, too — like this one from 2015. There are even sizable grants for projects that address social cohesion.

But Pyramid Hill speaks to something else: the power of individual actions, sustained over time.

At the end of the day, many people told me, countries — like towns, or city neighborhoods, or even sports teams — only cohere when people prioritize getting to know each other and looking out for each other.

I keep coming back to what Tom told me when I asked why Pyramid Hill seemed to be so integrated, with connections spanning ethnic boundaries and conversations that go beyond platitudes or conventional wisdom.

“People in the country mix, and need to mix,” he said. “It’s just different out here; it’s the only way to survive.”

Something to chew on.

______

Before we dive into the week’s stories you shouldn’t miss, along with a recommendation, a bit of community housekeeping is in order:

• Many of you shared fantastic lists of Top 5 things you love about Sydney (and one you loathe). We’ll be back soon with a creative treatment of a few of our favorites.

• We’re trying something a little different in the NYT Australia Facebook group next week. Liminal, a Melbourne-based magazine that publishes art by and interviews with talented Asian Australians, will be “taking over” the group for a week (starting Monday) to lead some really interesting and inclusive discussions about race, identity and Australia. Join the group now if you haven’t already — we’d love you to get involved throughout the week.

______

I loved this little story about London’s red telephone booths being refashioned in creative ways, with books, businesses and other creative ideas.

And of course, we’ve had LOTS of coverage about London’s other news: the royal wedding. A rundown of everything we did can be found on our special Royal Wedding Collection page.

______

The latest on North Korea?

North Korea said on Thursday that it would reconsider holding a summit meeting between its leader, Kim Jong-un, and President Trump, singling out Vice President Mike Pence for remarks that a top official called “ignorant and stupid.”

News

• In Australia, Fears of Chinese Meddling Rise on U.N. Bribery Case Revelation: An Australian politician identified Chau Chak Wing, an Australian citizen of Chinese descent, as a co-conspirator in a 2015 bribery case.

• With Senator’s Snub, Australia Gets Stood Up by U.S. — Again: Senator Bob Corker of Tennessee declined to become the ambassador, just weeks after President Trump’s previous choice was reassigned. Should Australia be taking this personally?

• Australian Archbishop Philip Wilson Guilty of Sexual Abuse Cover-Up: He became the highest-ranking Catholic official to be convicted of concealing child sexual abuse, and could face two years in prison.

Culture / Fun

• Courtney Barnett Faces Doubts and Doubters on ‘Tell Me How You Really Feel’: Newly unguarded, the songwriter sets aside her sly character studies in favor of declarations and confrontations on her second solo studio album.

• Big Things and Long Goodbyes: A poem remembering a last road trip taken together before a long separation.

• A Very Hungry Black Hole Is Found, Gorging on Stars: Astronomers in Australia say they have discovered a fast-growing black hole swallowing stars in a baby galaxy 12 billion light-years from here.

______

… And We Recommend

At sunrise this morning, hundreds of Sydneysiders (including me, my wife and our two kids) gathered at Bondi Beach to raise awareness and finance research for brain cancer by trying to set a world record of the largest gathering of people wearing beanies (winter hats for all you Americans), in support of the Mark Hughes Foundation.

We discovered the organization through the death of Matt Callander and the way that his friends, supporters and neighbors have rallied to the cause has been an inspiration. We’ve purchased many beanies for brain cancer, and encourage others to do the same.

Here’s my Instagram post from the gathering this morning, a moment of community love drawn from sorrow.

Correction: 

An earlier version of this newsletter included an incorrect reference to Mark Hughes. We regret the error.

Damien Cave is the Australia bureau chief for The New York Times. He’s covered migration issues across the United States, and in Latin America and the Middle East, for more than a decade. Follow him on Twitter: @damiencave.

The post Small-Town Wisdom for You and Me appeared first on World The News.

from World The News https://ift.tt/2LqxGni via Today News

[cleopatrarps]

Small-Town Wisdom for You and Me

Want the Australia Letter by email? Sign up and forward it to friends so we can expand our discussion about Australia and the world.

______

Innovators come in many forms. Take Tom Smith. He’s a pig farmer in rural Victoria, a quiet man with a white beard who you’d walk right by in Bunnings without even noticing.

But in 2008, without any guidance, he went out on a limb and posted a help wanted ad in a Manila newspaper. Then he went there, found a few people he liked and started sponsoring worker visas.

It was a bold if simple act that has led dozens of Filipino families to move to a town called Pyramid Hill — reversing population decline, and laying the groundwork for a model of multiculturalism far healthier than what can be found in many cities.

“When you’re desperate, it’s just what you do,” Tom told me when we first met. But it wasn’t just that. There was a glint of mischief in his eye. “I saw it as a bit of a challenge,” he said, smiling, “to try and do something different.”

That urge to break the mold, to resist conformity and decline, ran through the story I wrote about Pyramid Hill’s transformation.

The article was Part 2 of a series we published this week about regional Australia — Part 1 focused on the tragedy of farmer suicides — and I hope you’ll read both stories if you haven’t yet. They’re an attempt by our bureau to cover oft-overlooked issues and areas with depth and nuance.

But here in this week’s newsletter, I also wanted to highlight Tom and his efforts because they amount to a personal challenge.

What he and many others in Pyramid Hill have done is stretch beyond their comfort zones. Both Anglos and Filipinos have gone out of their way to bring people together. They cheer each others children on. They help each other when tragedies hit. They share meals together, often.

And in conversations from the pub to the piggery, I heard both pride and frustration: pride, because people felt that what they had learned about how to build a multicultural community should be applied more broadly; frustration, because small-town views are so often ignored.

Canberra, they said, was too focused on petty squabbles and the problems with immigration. City elites, they added, rarely invest much time in engaging with people who are different.

“City people are so wrapped up in their own world,” said Gail Smith, the breeding supervisor at Kia-Ora, the pig farm Tom runs with his sons. “They need to broaden their horizons.”

Many of the Filipinos I met in Pyramid Hill agreed, having moved from cities like Brisbane.

Their comments made me think not just of my own life in Sydney, but also New York — a diverse but highly segregated city by race and income, where people often think they’re open-minded simply because they share a subway car with people from different backgrounds.

In fact, it takes quite a lot more than proximity to create social cohesion — a society that truly reflects the Enlightenment principle of equality for all.

Australia does plenty of academic research on the subject. There are some inspiring speeches to be found from government officials, too — like this one from 2015. There are even sizable grants for projects that address social cohesion.

But Pyramid Hill speaks to something else: the power of individual actions, sustained over time.

At the end of the day, many people told me, countries — like towns, or city neighborhoods, or even sports teams — only cohere when people prioritize getting to know each other and looking out for each other.

I keep coming back to what Tom told me when I asked why Pyramid Hill seemed to be so integrated, with connections spanning ethnic boundaries and conversations that go beyond platitudes or conventional wisdom.

“People in the country mix, and need to mix,” he said. “It’s just different out here; it’s the only way to survive.”

Something to chew on.

______

Before we dive into the week’s stories you shouldn’t miss, along with a recommendation, a bit of community housekeeping is in order:

• Many of you shared fantastic lists of Top 5 things you love about Sydney (and one you loathe). We’ll be back soon with a creative treatment of a few of our favorites.

• We’re trying something a little different in the NYT Australia Facebook group next week. Liminal, a Melbourne-based magazine that publishes art by and interviews with talented Asian Australians, will be “taking over” the group for a week (starting Monday) to lead some really interesting and inclusive discussions about race, identity and Australia. Join the group now if you haven’t already — we’d love you to get involved throughout the week.

______

I loved this little story about London’s red telephone booths being refashioned in creative ways, with books, businesses and other creative ideas.

And of course, we’ve had LOTS of coverage about London’s other news: the royal wedding. A rundown of everything we did can be found on our special Royal Wedding Collection page.

______

The latest on North Korea?

North Korea said on Thursday that it would reconsider holding a summit meeting between its leader, Kim Jong-un, and President Trump, singling out Vice President Mike Pence for remarks that a top official called “ignorant and stupid.”

News

• In Australia, Fears of Chinese Meddling Rise on U.N. Bribery Case Revelation: An Australian politician identified Chau Chak Wing, an Australian citizen of Chinese descent, as a co-conspirator in a 2015 bribery case.

• With Senator’s Snub, Australia Gets Stood Up by U.S. — Again: Senator Bob Corker of Tennessee declined to become the ambassador, just weeks after President Trump’s previous choice was reassigned. Should Australia be taking this personally?

• Australian Archbishop Philip Wilson Guilty of Sexual Abuse Cover-Up: He became the highest-ranking Catholic official to be convicted of concealing child sexual abuse, and could face two years in prison.

Culture / Fun

• Courtney Barnett Faces Doubts and Doubters on ‘Tell Me How You Really Feel’: Newly unguarded, the songwriter sets aside her sly character studies in favor of declarations and confrontations on her second solo studio album.

• Big Things and Long Goodbyes: A poem remembering a last road trip taken together before a long separation.

• A Very Hungry Black Hole Is Found, Gorging on Stars: Astronomers in Australia say they have discovered a fast-growing black hole swallowing stars in a baby galaxy 12 billion light-years from here.

______

… And We Recommend

At sunrise this morning, hundreds of Sydneysiders (including me, my wife and our two kids) gathered at Bondi Beach to raise awareness and finance research for brain cancer by trying to set a world record of the largest gathering of people wearing beanies (winter hats for all you Americans), in support of the Mark Hughes Foundation.

We discovered the organization through the death of Matt Callander and the way that his friends, supporters and neighbors have rallied to the cause has been an inspiration. We’ve purchased many beanies for brain cancer, and encourage others to do the same.

Here’s my Instagram post from the gathering this morning, a moment of community love drawn from sorrow.

Correction: 

An earlier version of this newsletter included an incorrect reference to Mark Hughes. We regret the error.

Damien Cave is the Australia bureau chief for The New York Times. He’s covered migration issues across the United States, and in Latin America and the Middle East, for more than a decade. Follow him on Twitter: @damiencave.

The post Small-Town Wisdom for You and Me appeared first on World The News.

from World The News https://ift.tt/2LqxGni via News of World

[drhourglass]

Buttock augmentation options for men

New Post has been published on http://www.buttimplantsbydrcortes.com/2018/03/28/buttock-augmentation-options-for-men/

Buttock augmentation options for men

Buttock augmentation is no longer the domain of women only. Nowadays, men are also resorting to the buttock augmentation surgery to enhance their derrières. The trend has already gained momentum among thousands of men undergoing some form of buttock augmentation surgeries each year.

It is worth noting here that buttock enhancement among men increased to 6.2 percent in 2015 from 2.2 percent in 1997. This increment shows the gradual rise in popularity of butt enhancement among male patients.

There are two options when it comes to male buttock augmentation: fat transfer or implants. During the fat transfer procedure, liposuction is used to remove surplus fat from different parts of the body, and then the fat is transferred to the buttocks. On the other hand, buttock augmentation with implants involves the placement of silicone objects inside the butt through incisions.

While different men undergo buttock augmentation surgery for different reasons, the most common reason is to attract the opposite sex. There is no doubt that females take the male buttock projection and shape into account when examining a potential mate. The underlying factors behind this tendency remain unknown, but it is indeed a trait that women notice. With that said, there are some men who simply go for buttock augmentation so their clothes can fit them properly.

Signs you need buttock augmentation

Men with flatter or smaller butts need buttock augmentation. The procedure is a plastic surgery method to give your rear ends projection, lift, shape and volume. Furthermore, if your butts are sagging and loose, buttock augmentation can help fix the condition. Also, if your butts have lost volume and shape as a result of injury, accident, medications, illness, weakness, weight loss or abscesses, you can use the buttock augmentation procedure to restore your derriere’s aesthetic appearance.

There are also men who go under the knife to restore the elasticity of their rear ends. The procedure, if performed by a highly qualified, experienced and Board-Certified plastic surgeon, can provide you with impressive results. After the surgery, your buttocks will become large, perky and not to mention, sexy.

Types of buttock augmentation for men

As aforementioned, there are two options when it comes to male buttock augmentation: the use of implants or fat transfer. A combination of the two procedures may also be used, but it depends on your aesthetic goals and current condition. Your plastic surgeon will determine the most suitable type of buttock augmentation procedure for you after examining your current buttock size and shape and finding out your aesthetic goals. Your skin elasticity and weight will also be taken into account when analyzing your candidacy for the procedure.

Buttock augmentation with implants

Buttock augmentation with implants involves the placement of foreign objects (a semi-solid silicone material) inside your buttocks. Normally, incisions for the silicone implants are created in the gluteal crinkle, crinkle between the butts, around the crinkle, or on the edge of each butt cheek.

Nevertheless, once the incisions are made, the silicone implants are placed inside the buttocks through the incisions. The implant is then positioned either underneath the gluteal muscle or above it. Afterwards, the plastic surgeon will suture the incisions. The procedure is performed under general anesthesia on an outpatient basis.

After the surgery, you may find drain tubes placed inside the skin at the surgical area. This tube will drain away any fluids that may collect at the surgical area, preventing complications like seroma and hematoma. The drain cannulas will stay in place for a few days. They will only be removed during a follow-up visit to your doctor.

After the surgery, you will be required to strictly follow your surgeon’s instructions to ensure a smooth and fast recovery. You must not exert pressure on your buttocks for several weeks after the operation.

The aesthetic outcomes of the surgery will become visible immediately. However, the final results of the surgical intervention will only appear after your surgical wound has completed healed. This may take up to several months. The result of buttock augmentation with implants is permanent, but you will be required to take good care of your buttocks after the surgery in order to continue enjoying the aesthetic outcomes.

Using implants enlarges your smaller, flatter or poorly developed butt, thus your buttocks will become shapelier and more voluminous immediately after the surgery. You will feel satisfied, especially as your clothes will fit you properly. Aside from that, you will become more attractive to the opposite sex as well as feel a boost in your self-esteem.

Buttock augmentation through fat transfer

The second option for male buttock augmentation is through fat transfer. This procedure involves the use of the patient’s own body fat to enhance his rear end. While this procedure may not increase the buttock size to the same extent as the buttock implants, it can still make the butts shapely, perky and moderately large.

In this procedure, the first step is the use of liposuction to remove surplus, unwanted fat from localized areas of the body, such as the abdomen, sides, flanks, love handles, thighs, calves and upper and lower back. The removed fat is then run through a sophisticated purification process after which about 25 to 35 percent fat may qualify for transfer to the butt. The purified fat is then inserted inside the patient’s buttocks through tiny incisions. The aesthetic results achieved with buttock augmentation via fat transfer are more natural and sustainable.

Even though some of the results of the fat transfer procedure may become apparent immediately after the surgery, the complete outcome of the surgery will become noticeable only after several months have gone by. After the surgery, your butts will become perky and shapely in addition to moderately increasing in size.

Conclusion

Buttock augmentation is already a popular trend among modern men because the surgery increases the size of the butts and improves the shape. Men undergo buttock augmentation for various reasons, with the most common ones being the tendency to impress the opposite sex and to be able to wear clothes that fit well.

Having said that, men can enhance their rear ends through buttock implants or fat transfer. If your goal is to have significantly large buttocks, then implants can help you achieve that. On the other hand, fat transfer is ideal for men who aim to make their butts shapely and curvy, yet increasing their size to a moderate extent. Thus, it simply depends on the patient’s aesthetic goals and current condition.

HOURGLASS TV SCHEDULE

Make sure that you connect with us on the hourglass TV:

Monday: Bootyman 6:00 P.M. CST on YouTube

Tuesday: Wonder Breasts 6:00 P.M. CST on YouTube

Wednesday: Star Bodies 6:00 P.M. CST on YouTube

Thursday: Hourglass operating room and Shoddy 6:00 P.M. CST on YouTube

Friday: Superhourglass 6:00 P.M. CST on YouTube

LIVE BROADCAST SURGERIES ALL WEEK ALL DAY on:

Facebook live: Dr. Wilberto Cortes

Periscope: Dr. Wilberto Cortes (@drhourglass)

Snapchat: drhourglass (dr cortes)

WEBSITES

To view Dr. Cortes’s impressive results, you can log on to his multiple websites:

http://www.rejuvenusaesthetics.com

http://www.hourglasstummytuck.com

http://www.babygotbutt.com

http://www.wonderbreastreduction.com

http://www.wonderbreastlift.com

http://www.bestbreastsandbutts.com

http://www.miscurvaslatinas.com

CONTACT US:

You can contact his office by email at cosmeticinfo@drhourglass.com. Phone #: 713-636-2729. Text message: 713-636-2729. Also, you can contact him through social media, including direct messaging through Instagram at dr_cortes, Facebook Messenger at Dr. Wilberto Cortes, and WhatsApp at 936-499-8075. To view Dr. Cortes’s impressive results, you can also follow him on the following social media sites.

SOCIAL MEDIA:

To view Dr. Cortes’s impressive results, you can also follow him on the following social media sites:

Facebook – Dr. Wilberto Cortes

https://www.facebook.com/RejuvenusAesthetics

Twitter- @drhourglass

https://twitter.com/drhourglass

Instagram- dr_cortes

https://www.instagram.com/dr_cortes/

YouTube – Wilberto Cortes M.D.

https://www.youtube.com/user/drcortespatients

YouTube – Wilberto Cortes

https://www.youtube.com/user/rejuvenus

Snapchat – Dr. Cortes

drhourglass

Whats’ app – 936-499-8075

Linkedin – Wilberto Cortes

Google Plus- Dr. WilbertoCortesLive

https://plus.google.com/105096590874714404837/about

Vimeo- Wilberto Cortes

https://vimeo.com/user11720204

Pinterest- Dr. Wilberto Cortes Plastic Surgeon

https://www.pinterest.com/drcortes76/

Periscope- Dr. Wilberto Cortes – @drhourglass

[rebeccahpedersen]

Everybody Wants To Talk About DEBT!

TorontoRealtyBlog

Was last week March Break?

I barely noticed.

Sure, the real estate market was slow, and that always happens this time of year.  But if you had told me that it was actually “Debt Week,” I might have believed you.

When I sat down on Friday afternoon to read all the articles I had bookmarked during the week, I noticed a common theme.  Aside from SNC Lavalin, which is actually boring the pants off me right now, I noticed that there were a solid five or six articles about debt.

Consumer debt, mortgage debt, worldwide debt, and the debt that finances real estate construction – all appeared in front-page stories in the major newspapers.

There are so many directions in which we could take today’s conversation, especially with the Federal budget being announced this week, so let me feed you a few links from last week (all of which you should read!) and provide my comments as well as the takeaways.

–

From the Huffington Post on Friday, March 15th:

“Total Debt Worldwide Hits $240 Trillion And The Bank Of Canada Is Worried”

A number like $240 Trillion is eye-catching, and yet I think this headline would have been lost on most casual readers.

Sure, the number is big.  But it’s so big that it almost seems out-of-touch with the average reader, who is more concerned with the $25 charge on their Rogers bill that they don’t understand.  I really fail to believe that 90% of the population could care at all whether worldwide debt is $240 Trillion or $240 Million.  Many don’t understand the difference, but even those that do likely just aren’t interested.

I mean, how does that number affect you?

You being anybody from the 21-year-old who just finished school and is trying to decide whether to get a job at ABC Corp riding a desk all day, or try your hand at becoming an “Influencer” on social media, to a 46-year-old, middle-class parent of two, to a 72-year-old retiree bouncing back and forth between Florida and the GTA every few months.

Pardon my cynicism this early on a Monday morning, but while the regular TRB reader both understands and cares about that headline, most people do not.  And perhaps that is part of the reason why worldwide debt is at an all-time high?

Very few people out there could actually sit down and hold an intellectual conversation about where the world could or will be in two, five, or ten years if this continues, and/or if the same countries continue borrowing, and the same countries continue lending.

Does the guy living in the proverbial trailer-park in Alabama really understand the $22 Trillion national debt?  If you told him that countries like China & Japan partially own the mighty United States, don’t you think he would just stereotypically kick back another Budweiser and yell ‘Merica?

Does the 20-year-old at Ryerson University have any interest in fiscal and monetary policy?  Do they even teach that in school anymore?  I know, I know – tell me once again that I’m out of touch, but I’ll gladly take that as a compliment if we’re somehow rewarding and applauding the 27-year-old downtown condo-dweller for taking 42 photos of his salad to get the “right one” for Instagram, rather than reading…………………a book.

Yeah, that made me sound old alright.

But my point is that part of the reason that worldwide debt is so high is because of two things that we will never change:

1) People don’t understand. 2) People don’t care.

On a worldwide basis, people don’t care.  Why does worldwide debt interest the average Canadian?  It doesn’t.

On an individual basis, many people still don’t care.  Should the 27-year-old condo dweller spend $1,200 on his VISA for bottle service at a nightclub on Saturday night?  The answer doesn’t matter, because he’s going to.  He’ll simply “deal with it.”

That’s my rant.

Now for the most notable portion of the Huffington Post article:

Canada’s high household debt, which is now more than 178 per cent of disposable income, is the central bank’s top domestic financial vulnerability, she said.

“The good news for Canadian businesses and households is that the financial system — globally and here at home — is safer than it was a decade ago thanks to much stronger safeguards,” she said.

Wilkins added it’s important for policy-makers around the world to continue efforts to conduct stress tests on different parts of the financial system, and, when necessary, put in safeguards.

Say what you want about Canadian real estate, the CMHC, interest rates, borrowing, and the like, but let’s not ever lose sight of the fact that our banking system is one of the safest in the world, and that’s partially due to all of the changes implemented after we watched the sub-prime mortgage crisis play out in the United States in 2008…

–

From the CBC.ca on Thursday, March 14th:

“Statistics Canada Says Household Debt Grew Faster Than Income In Fourth Quarter”

Let me sound like an old man again and say, “I remember.”

I remember when the ratio of household debt to income topped 120%.

I remember when it topped 130%.

By the time it topped 140%, it was clear that things weren’t going to change.

It topped 150% back around 2008.

I barely noticed when it topped 160%.

Hovering in the 160’s, I started to round up and say “About 170%.”

And last week, a report came out that noted household debt in Canada rose from 178.3% in the 3rd quarter of 2018 to 178.5% in the 4th quarter.  I mean, that’s basically 179%, which is basically 180%.

So there we are!  A new threshold!

From the article:

On a seasonally adjusted basis, Statistics Canada said households borrowed $21.2 billion in the fourth quarter as mortgage loan demand rose $2.3 billion to $12.3 billion.

However, despite the increase in the fourth quarter, on an annual basis, household credit market borrowing fell 19.5 per cent to $84.6 billion in 2018, the lowest level of borrowing since 2014.

Credit market debt, which includes consumer credit and mortgage and non-mortgage loans, totalled nearly $2.21 trillion in the fourth quarter.

Mortgage debt reached nearly $1.44 trillion, while consumer credit and non-mortgage loans combined to total $769.4 billion.

The bears should have a field day with this one…

–

From the Financial Post  on Thursday, March 14th:

“Consumer Debt Stabilizing, But Canadian Banks Face ‘Significant’ Risk If Economy Goes South, Moody’s Warns”

Here’s a different media outlet’s interpretation of the debt-to-income ratios announced last week, with this Financial Post article concluding that the debt to income ratio had “levelled off.”

Of course, they also noted that the amount borrowed and the way it’s borrowed is concerning.

Interesting from this article was a note about auto loans; something I had yet to hear about until now:

There are also signs that some consumers, facing higher mortgage costs, are agreeing to “longer term manufacturer-subsidized auto loans” with lower payments.

“As vehicles depreciate each year, longer-term loans result in higher rates of ‘negative equity’ where the value of the vehicle is less than the amount of loan principal,” the report says.

This article mentioned that the share of the “Big Six” banks had fallen, with one particular bank’s share increasing at a notable rate:

The Canadian arm of HSBC Holdings Plc, have managed to grow their share of the mortgage market to 6.4 per cent in 2018 from 5.4 per cent in 2016.

–

From the Globe & Mail on Thursday, March 14th:

“Many Canadians Say They’ll Have To Tap RRSP’s, Take Second Mortgages, Sell Assets As Debt Burden Rises”

I spent $120 on chicken on Saturday for no apparent reason.

I went to Loblaws to pick up strawberries, milk, and eggs, as per my wife’s request, but I noticed that chicken was on an insane sale; something like $7/KG.  That’s basically $10 for a pack with five massive chicken breasts, which, if you’re picking up on the way home from work one day at any grocery store is likely going to be priced around $22.

So I picked up $120 worth, took it home, put six chicken breasts in each Ziploc bag, and placed them in my freezer like it were a file cabinet for meat.  My wife makes me dinner on Monday night with enough for Tuesday, and on Wednesday night with enough for Thursday, every week, and chicken is a staple of that diet.  This cost savings was a no brainer, as was the eight minutes it took for me to shuffle the meat into my freezer.

I have had both friends and family call me “cheap” before, but I think it’s the very definition of frugality.

As 2019 rolls on, I wonder more and more if financial accountability, ie. one’s personal responsibility for his or her own financial situation, has completely fallen off in the last half-decade.  Too many parents are buying their children $300 hockey sticks when the kids would do just fine with $30 versions.  Too many cleaning ladies feel as though they need the new iPhone.

Sorry if that sounds rude, but I’ve always felt that truth and common sense should trump sensitivity and potential to be offended, although I don’t know if that plays well in today’s society.

I sell real estate for a living, so call me biased when I think that buying a home for you or your family is more important, and a better investment, than consumables.  Expensive dinners, brand-name clothing, and sporting/music events – most of which people can’t afford.

Every time I check Instagram I see that so-and-so is out at the Leafs game, or down in Punta Cana, or out at some la-de-da restaurant that will be the envy of everybody in the know.

OF COURSE Canadians are taking second mortgages, selling assets, and tapping into RRSP’s.  Nobody saves anymore!  Nobody thinks about money or the future, or has a financial plan.

Sidebar here, but Rob Carrick wrote a brilliant article last week called, “It’s Time To Stop Pretending RRSP’s Are A Universal Retirement Savings”

You won’t believe this, or, perhaps you will…

Statistics Canada numbers show RRSP contributions grew by 2.6 per cent annually to $40.4-billion between 2005 and 2016, the most recent year for which there is data. This isn’t a mind-blowing number, but it’s much ahead of the average 1.7-per-cent inflation rate for that period.

The census of who’s actually contributing this money is where you see the real story in RRSP contribution patterns:people aged 25 to 34 fell to 11 per cent of contributors in 2016 from 14 per cent in 2005;

35- to 44-year-olds fell to 19 per cent from 26 per cent; 45- to 54-year-olds fell to 28 per cent from 32 per cent; 55- to 64-year-olds surged to 31 per cent from 23 per cent; people 65 or older jumped to 9 per cent from 4 per cent.

–

From Better Dwelling on Monday, March 11th:

“Canadian Real Estate Developer Debt Hits An All Time High”

Have you ever wondered how these condominium projects are built?

I’m sure the naive and/or uninterested folks out there simply assume that some “billionaire” buys a plot of land and constructs a condo, all while eating caviar on a yacht.  But most of the readers know that the banks finance these projects, and much of the time, the builders don’t have a whole lot of skin in the game.

Of course, it’s also possible that developments could be financed by syndicated mortgages, but we found out last December that Fortress Developments was a sham all along.

This article from Better Dwelling puts accurate numbers to the speculative nature of real estate financing in Canada.  This is really great stuff:

Canadian real estate developers are pushing their debt capacity to new highs. Bank of Canada (BoC) numbers show developers racked up a new record high at for credit at chartered banks in Q4 2018. Debt levels for developers are almost three-quarters higher than previous peaks.

Canadian real estate developers have borrowed a new all-time record. The balance of loans at chartered banks reached $16.68 billion in Q4 2018, up 2.36% from the quarter prior. This represents a massive 20.28% climb when compared to the same month last year. The previous record was a quarter before, which topped the Q4 2016 high.

Later in the article, we’re told in massive bold text: “Canadian developers borrowed over 70% more to fund this boom”

To appreciate how much money developers borrowed from banks, you need to look at past peaks. The 2008 peak was only 1.11% larger than the peak reached in the previous building boom in 1992. It wasn’t until 2013 when the current trend breached that level for good. In the most recent quarter of Q4 2018, we’re 72.3% higher than 2013 levels. It’s a lot of leverage for the peak cycle this time around.

–

Well, that’s a lot of reading for a Monday, if you take my advice and bookmark those links.

It’s also a lot of cynicism, but I can’t help it.

You regular TRB readers are far smarter than the average bear (in the Yogi sense, not financial market sense), and maybe you’re nicer, quieter, and humbler than me, but I really do think that most of society out there today has a “YOLO” mentality, and they’re busy living today with very little regard for tomorrow.

Financial literacy was a huge topic on this blog in 2018, and it will continue to be as we move forward.

So much of the debt out there today is unnecessary.

But does that even matter in the context of conversations about debt-to-income, interest rates, the real estate market, et al?

Have we actually surpassed the time to discuss financial accountability?  Is that how far we’ve come?

The post Everybody Wants To Talk About DEBT! appeared first on Toronto Realty Blog.

Originated from https://ift.tt/2TdJkou

[hannahhydedma-blog]

Once Around the Sun: An Experimental Year in Nature

 I think this post is really a nice union between what I observe in my field around me and what I am reflecting upon within myself. So much of the personal and professional growth that occurs for me happens because of things I read or watch online and then reflect about how they affect me as an artist and a person in general.

Last year I was watching a YouTube video - please don’t ask me which one it was; I’ve seen a lot of them - and a creator and entrepreneur named Dave Erasmus was featured in it. He spoke about the journey he was about to embark upon where he would spend a year living in the woods, building his own hut (or ‘tiny house’ as mainstream media calls them) and causing as minimal of an imprint on the land as he could. He named it Corcovado. 

So what is Corcovado? 

Corcovado is a community of people from around the world choosing a life that embraces diversity, the unknown and is interested in alternative ways to create a life of purpose and connection in amongst our world’s ambiguity.

(Erasmus, 2017 (Crypto-Hamlet)

The idea of leaving behind modern society and heading into the woods is not particularly new - Thoreau’s Walden Pond being the first that comes to my mind. But Erasmus’ project sticks out because while he aimed to leave behind the noise of dwelling in central or suburban London, he still kept a few tethers that connected him to modern society.

My entire career has been defined by internet technologies, which annihilate space and time and gives us the ability to connect with anybody around the world. The reason I’m exploring an on / off grid lifestyle with the experiment I’m documenting though my Youtube channel is to gain an appreciation for the depth and presence of the systems of intelligence in the analogue world that have been around far longer than we have, and to share this experience when I delve back into the breadth of the internet, which allows us to immediately create content, commerce and communication to happen with anyone around the world on our grid.

(Erasmus, 2017 (Digital Country)

Each week, he uploaded a vlog to his YouTube channel chronicling his journey from building his first hut to building a litrine (toilet shed) to growing and consuming his own produce. Through this year of vlogging, he also worked with a crew to produce a half-hour documentary that became Once Around the Sun. On Thursday, 2 November, I travelled down to Brighton to see the first showing of the documentary, and participate in a conversation afterwards about the project and concepts presented.

For my own research and practice, I was very curious about his relationship with both nature and technology and how they became intertwined in his experiment. So I asked if he thought vlogging enhanced his journey or at any point hindered his ability to fully let go and live freely in the woods. His answer was that documenting and sharing his journey actually provided structure and maintained his motivation to keep moving forward. He knew that each Thursday at 9pm he needed to upload a video, so what was he going to upload? Would it be of value and show the development of the physical buildings in the woods and his own changing mentality? Or would he upload things continuously apologising about the lack of action and growth and uses excuses that he got side-tracked by the very noise he was trying to escape?

As his year went on, he also used his channel to connect with other like-minded people across the globe. He invited people to come to Corcovado and work on various projects to build out the Corcovado dream. Each person brought their own skills to create something to leave behind. For some, they worked on building the physical structures on the land, others tuned a piano in preparation for a celebration, and others sent books and items from across the globe to leave their own imprint at Corcovado. Erasmus put together The Corcovado Handbook and he used the Corco-community to find designers, editors, and even a printing company in Scotland that typically only prints sheet music books. Even the Corcovado logo came from community member in Australia. 

All of these people volunteered hours or days of their time just for the sole purpose of doing something good with their resources. In an age of websites like GoFundMe and JustGiving where people give money instead of time, it is truly unique to see people traveling out of their way to a little spot in the woods to build something tangible based on a shared hope and idea.

[As an aside - both GoFundMe and JustGiving serve wonderful purposes, especially from the perspective of this American whose country has no universal healthcare leaving thousands, if not millions, in debt from healthcare costs. But that’s another blog post for another day.]

The Internet and social media are full of noise and it can be an information overload. How often do I see photos, read tweets, or come across links that truly have no relation to me or my interests? How often do I have to scroll past the status update of that girl I shared one class with 6 years ago whose name I only remember because of Facebook? How often do I open Twitter and am inundated with political criticisms, threads of social commentary, or even just a lot of memes?

Answer: every day. 

Because I am a social media addict. I check Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, Snapchat, even LinkedIn multiple times a day. I typically would rather watch YouTube creators than television shows and I get annoyed when I have no wifi in public places. (Looking at you, London Underground.) Even through the noise, there is a tremendous connectivity that social media can bring. I like knowing that I can message a friend in Los Angeles and she can respond within seconds, even though she is nine hours behind me. I like knowing that my mom in Texas can send me photos of her new camping trailer and things she sees while she’s out camping in her own woods. 

It’s because of those things - that desire for interpersonal connections, love for creative content and observing others’ self-expression - that I found myself wanting to work in this sometimes really weird world of social media. Social media platforms, to me, are extensions of our traditional forms of storytelling - which is my first love. (I wrote about that more in another reflective post.)

Outside of my immediate network, there is actually something truly wonderful and mind-blowing about being able to find a group of people spread across the globe who have the same interests, dreams, and goals. 

And perhaps on a chilly Thursday night in November, a few of them will meet up in a little cafe in a seaside town to talk in person.

References:

Erasmus, D. (2017). Corcovado’s Crypto-Hamlet. [online] Medium. Available at: https://medium.com/@daveerasmus/corcovados-crypto-hamlet-4e561499f2c3 [Accessed 4 Nov. 2017].

Erasmus, D. (2017). Corcovado // A Digital Country. [online] Medium. Available at: https://medium.com/@daveerasmus/corcovado-a-digital-country-491944771436 [Accessed 4 Nov. 2017].

[junker-town]

Kristaps Porzingis worked out with Dirk Nowitzki, which is great for everybody

Who better for KP to learn from than Dirk?

Early Thursday morning — 7:12 a.m. ET to be exact — New York Knicks basketball unicorn Kristaps Porzingis posted a photo of himself on Instagram, getting some shots up with surefire and likely first-ballot Hall of Famer, Dirk Nowitzki.

Given the similarities in the two players’ size, skill set and background, the workout has always been viewed as a foregone conclusion.

@swish41

A post shared by Kristaps Porzingis (@kporzee) on Aug 3, 2017 at 4:12am PDT

The picture is one of the few times Knicks fans have seen their franchise centerpiece working out with a basketball after a summer where Porzingis mostly focused on strength training and adding muscle to his lanky frame. His workout with an all-time great is a welcome sight for the same fans who believe the Latvian shooter can develop into one of the most unique players ever, given his ranging skill set.

Nowitzki is a man who needs no introduction.

He has scored the most points in Dallas history by a mile. He’s widely regarded as one of the best international basketball players to ever step on a court. And he’s known, if anything, for being completely and utterly unstoppable from 28 feet in throughout his illustrious NBA career.

Porzingis, a 7’3” stretch-four from Latvia, has drawn comparisons to Dirk ever since the Knicks drafted him No. 4 overall in 2015. And after a standout first season resulted in a second-place Rookie of the Year finish, Nowitzki offered his services to the player who’s been tabbed the second coming of one of the best to ever do it.

“I love the kid,” Nowitzki said via a Nov. 2016 report by Newsday’s Al Iannazzone. “I really wanted to train with him over the summer, but it didn’t work out. Hopefully we can do something next summer.”

Porzingis was honored Nowitzki reached out to him a year ago, via Newsday. The timing didn’t work out then, but Dirk served as a mentor of sorts for the young player who is beginning to find his way in this league.

“He said, ‘Whatever question you have, whatever you need, let me know, and if you want to work out during the summer, we can make that happen,’” Porzingis said then. “It was really nice of him to give back and to help young players from Europe like me to get to that next level. It meant a lot.”

Porzingis’ numbers improved in his second season, averaging 18 points, 7.2 rebounds and two blocks per game on 35.7 percent three-point shooting. But his overall impact on the game declined last year as he was hidden in a lineup that also featured Derrick Rose, Carmelo Anthony, and Courtney Lee.

As a result, the ball often times made its way to Porzingis late, or sometimes not at all. He floated more around the perimeter without getting the ball, and his arsenal of offensive moves — aside from his crossover, pull-up jump shot — didn’t get a chance to develop against NBA players.

But with Nowitzki, Porzingis has a chance to learn from a player whose repertoire set a trend in the NBA years ago. The Knicks are starting from scratch, the product of a rebuild that will be complete after Anthony eventually moves on via trade or otherwise. Doing so will open up opportunities on offense for Porzingis, who becomes the focal point with an All-Star leaving town.

And if his game looks anything like Nowitzki’s after training with him this summer, Knicks fans could be in for a treat when the regular season rolls around in mid-October.

[yahoo-puck-daddy-blog]

Ottawa Senators again kill intrigue, but this time with offensive explosion

OTTAWA — You’ll have to excuse the Ottawa Senators.

Yes, they eliminated any intrigue for one more night in the Eastern Conference Final. Only in Game 3, they did so by silencing critics with a masterful first-period response.

The Senators exploded for four goals in under 13 minutes in their return to home ice, in the process doubling their goal total in two previous games in Pittsburgh, before settling into their characteristically stymying defensive structure to secure a 5-1 triumph over the Penguins on Wednesday night.

[Follow Puck Daddy on social media: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook | Tumblr]

Now, after treating their fully-engaged and enthusiastic sellout crowd to a dominant victory, the Senators, who have been slammed at every turn this postseason, have a chance to push the heavily-favoured defending Stanley Cup champions to the brink of elimination in Game 4 at the Canadian Tire Centre, a rink where they have won four straight.

It wasn’t without concern that every neutral fan’s fears would be realized. The Senators seized an advantage 48 seconds into Game 3 when Mike Hoffman banked a loose up at the side of the goal off the pad of Marc-Andre Fleury, giving his team an early lead, and therefore an excuse to park the bus.

But after a brief period of inactivity, where it appeared the Senators would indeed live in their patented 1-3-1 trap for the remaining 59 minutes of the game, they began pushing the puck back up ice with intent.

And they were rewarded every time they launched a meaningful attack.

“There was a lot of energy and emotion in the dressing room, coming back here,” said Hoffman. “First game at home in the conference final against the defending champions, so we got one early, the crowd got into it, and we just kept going from there.”

Near the halfway mark of the first, while the Senators mounted some pressure in the Penguins’ zone, Marc Methot wandered down low, collected a pass from Bobby Ryan, and fired a shot off the mask of Fleury. The puck kicked off a defenceman and nestled behind the skate of the Penguins netminder, who, with his ears still ringing, incidentally dragged it into the net.

Less than two minutes after the Methot goal, more sustained pressure led to Clarke MacArthur fighting off a check before firing a gorgeous no-look pass onto the stick of Derick Brassard, who deposited it back door to make it 3-0. And just 24 seconds after that, Zack Smith deadened a dump in off the glass behind the Penguins’ goal, gathered it up on the forecheck, and beat Fleury back to the opposite post with a wonderful wrap-around.

The Ottawa Senators spoiled the intrigue once again in the Eastern Conference Final, running away with a win in Game 3 with four goals in the first 13 minutes versus the Pittsburgh Penguins. (THE CANADIAN PRESS/Sean Kilpatrick)

Having heard the criticism, sucking the life out of another game with an offensive explosion had to have been something satisfying for the Senators.

Even if they weren’t quite willing to admit it.

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“I don’t think anyone in this room cares how we do it,” said Kyle Turris, who made it 5-0 for the Senators with his fourth of the postseason early in the second period. “There’s going to be ugly ones, there’s going to be ones like tonight where we score more goals. We have had success this season playing a specific way, and I don’t see us changing it any time soon.”

“Today we found a way to capitalize on the first chances we got,” Erik Karlsson said. “After that we just played the game the way we needed to play. Whether it’s a win like this or a 1-0 win, our mentality, and the way we approach the game, is not changing.”

In that staunch defensive system designed by Guy Boucher, a four-goal lead was plenty. But when the Penguins came out with more jump to start the second, Craig Anderson, with his quiet-calm composure, denied the Penguins entrance back into the contest.

The veteran netminder made a few outstanding, expertly controlled stops to preserve the four-goal bulge, including a smooth glove stop on Carter Rowney’s shorthanded try from point-blank range.

Anderson has allowed just a single goal in each of the three games so far in the Eastern Conference Final, facing a total of 83 shots.

“He’s unbelievable. He’s incredible. He’s our backbone,” said Turris. “We play a system that tries to allow minimal scoring opportunities, but they’re going to get scoring opportunities, and when they do, Craig has been standing on his head all year for us. When he’s playing like he is, we just try to do everything we can to help him out.”

Sidney Crosby finally solved Anderson in the third, collecting his first point of the series with a tip in tight, leaving one glaring uncertainty (aside from the state of Dion Phaneuf and Phil Kessel’s friendship) heading into Thursday’s off day.

Now healthy, Matt Murray, the rookie star who anchored the Penguins’ title run last spring, made his first appearance of the postseason in relief of Fleury, who simply did not give the Penguins a chance to win in Game 3.

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Asked which netminder will start in Friday’s critical Game 4, Penguins coach Mike Sullivan said he would sleep on it.

This, while the Senators rest easy, knowing they’re that much closer to a most unlikely berth into the Stanley Cup Final.