#asda walmart

[microwavetoaster-selfships]

Congratulations, Kane! You've successfully determined a grocery store was from the UK by looking at one small section of the shelf and only zooming in and looking for the currency symbol on the price tags after you figured it was from the UK.

[superstarbarbie]

born to poop in ASDA, forced to shit in Walmart

[androidghoulz]

whyyy are things walmart/target exclusives 😭😭😭

[nerdygirlramblings]

Hello! Ive been binging poly!141 and I keep coming back to your writing for my fix (because by now its basically an addiction😅)

I had this idea that the 141 are together with a civilian reader. And civilian reader works in retail, part time, and is mostly at home. Normally, they would be home by the time their boys came home, welcoming them with open arms, a hot plate of food, and time to rest and relax. But this time, the 141 get home early and realize where reader works: Walmart (or equivalent). Reader has been keeping this a secret cause they know its not cute like a coffee shop or cool. Its just their job. And now the most important men in their life know. Im thinking the 141 found out because they went grocery shopping and happened to come across reader or something similar to that.

I work at Walmart and it sucks🥲 thought that maybe something like this might help😅

Tysm, nonny! So happy to hear you like the writing. I hope this does your idea justice. (Walmart doesn't have stores in the UK, but they own ASDA.)

Also, thank you for my first request! 🫶🏻🫶🏻

pure fluff, bad accents (per usual)

Your boys find out you work part-time at ASDA on a random rainy Thursday in March.

You don't really need a job. All four of your lovers are officers with the British army. Prior to you, they all lived in base barracks. Prior to you, they lived fairly Spartan existences. Prior to you, most of their income sat in the bank, quietly accumulating.

They have plenty of money saved up that they love using to spoil you, when you let them. You know that if you asked, they'd give you everything, but you draw the line about asking them for an allowance like some tradwife. You want some pocket money of your own. Thus, the part-time job at the ASDA in town.

You're a people person, good at handling big personalities. You need to be to keep up with your boys. Between John's need for control, Simon's stoic dominance, Johnny's aggressive enthusiasm, and Kyle's blinding charisma, you aren't some shrinking violet. Within a week of your hire, your manager watches how you weather a nasty piece of work trying to demand concessions you aren't permitted to give and immediately puts you in customer service.

You're nearly unflappable in the face of frustrated pensioners and harried parents and entitled young professionals. Over and over, you're the one they call when a customer is going spare. Which is how your boys find out about your job.

They've been deployed for over two weeks, and you have no idea when they'll return. John had originally said they'd be gone for at least a month, so you aren't expecting them home any time soon. However, they'd come home much earlier than anyone thought, and they wanted to surprise you.

You're always so good about making the house feel like a home, with your bright smile and warm laughter, your home cooked food and soft touches in decor. You make them feel like people, not weapons, and they want to return the favor. This last deployment had been hard, and all four of your boys were missing your sweet voice and tender care. They wanted to show you that they loved and cared for you the way you always showed your love and care for them.

It was Johnny's suggestion to prep a meal for you as both a surprise and a thank you. After debrief, they pile into the car and decide to stop at ASDA for everything they need before heading home to surprise you. It's John who causes the code call.

You hear Susan's voice over the store-wide address system. "We could use a little Sunshine in the floral department." That's your cue. You finish with the pensioner at your till as Jacob, your manager, comes over to relieve you.

You take a deep breath and square your shoulders. In your experience, a Sunshine call in floral is a man angry the store doesn't have the fancy arrangements listed on the website. You wish the signage on the site would be more clear that the beautiful bouquets are online orders only. It would save you having to explain why the offers in store are so limited.

You hear him before you see him, smokey voice grumbling, "But if they show the bloody thing on the site as available, you should have it hear." You'd recognize the voice anywhere. He's not angry, not really, but Susan doesn't know that. Add in the sheer size of him, and Simon looming over his shoulder, it's no wonder she called for support.

You have never wanted to walk away from a situation as much as you want to right now, but before you can make an escape, Susan notices you over John's shoulder. Her little wave is enough for your men to notice, and they turn as one to see you coming towards them. Immediately their demeanor shifts. Simon's back sags as though his strings were cut, leaving him loose-limbed. John stands a little straighter, chin up as if to impress you. They've both broken out in smiles, though Simon's are only evidenced by the laugh lines you know to look for. It's only as you get close do they zero in on the badge on your shirt.

"I've got this, Susan," you say to your co-worker. "Jacob's on my till. Can you cover?"

Susan wrings her hands. "Are you sure you don't want me to stay and-"

"They're nothing I can't handle," you tell her, cutting off her worried rambles. There's a cheeky glint in your eye as you flick your gaze at your men. You clap your hands together and say, "Right, let's get this settled, then."

Susan takes one quick look between you and the now slightly less intimidating men and heads towards the front of the store.

Once she's out of earshot, John's face breaks into a frown. "What're you doing here, love?" He glances at your name on your chest again. "You work here?" He sounds almost hurt by the revelation. You can tell Simon wants to reach for you, and the only thing stopping him is you working.

You hear heavy footfalls behind you as Johnny's Scottish lilt reaches your ears. "Och, Cap! Ye said ye'd only be a moment. Gaz and I had a hell of a time getting the trolley on its lift ta find ye. How hard is it to buy bon..." His question dies on his lips as you turn around. "Bonnie?" He, too, sounds hurt to find you working here.

You can see Kyle over Johnny's shoulder, confusion written across his features. This is not how you wanted your boys to find out about your job, if you ever wanted them to actually find out. You thought maybe you'd surprise them with tickets to Hereford FC's opening game in a few months. And if they asked how you afforded them, you could handle this conversation then, but it's out of your hands now.

And as much as you don't want to have this conversation, especially not in the middle of the floral department, you can't stop the wide grin at seeing your boys again, home and whole.

"Hi, boys," you say, opening your arms. Disappointed he might be about finding you here, Johnny's no fool. He immediately steps into your embrace, and the others quickly follow suit. You're swallowed up by the smell and feel of them. The hug lasts one minute. Then two. Then they all slowly step back.

You can see the questions and cut them off before they get started. "I have another three hours before I'm off. We can talk at home, and I'll tell you anything you want to know."

John nods first. He recognizes your tone. You won't let them derail you for answers now, and they would be wasting their breath to try. "You heard the lady, lads. Let's get home."

They start to walk away when you tease, "Captain? Was there a reason you were arguing with Susan about the flowers?"

He halts his steps and turns to you, flush creeping up his neck. He brings his hand up to rub it as he says, "Er, I, we, wanted to get ya something nice, but they don't have the same ones as online."

You melt a little, watching the way your men shift nervously behind their captain. You smile softly and reach over, plucking a bouquet of rainbow poms from the rack. "These are what I usually get for myself when you're away."

John takes them gently from your hand and passes them to Gaz to put in the trolley. "We'll see you at home, love," he murmurs, leaning over briefly to kiss your cheek. Simon kisses the top of your head, fabric brushing your hair. Johnny pulls you in for another bruising hug and kisses your other cheek. Gaz puts his hands on your waist, drinking in the sight of you, before taking your hands in his and kissing your palms.

You watch them leave, wondering how you'll make it through the rest of your shift.

Three hours and fifteen minutes later, you cross the threshold of your shared home to the most delicious scents wafting from the kitchen. After slipping your shoes off next to the piles of boots at the door, you follow your nose back to the kitchen and the spread laid out on the large wood-topped island. There's a roast and mushy peas and mashed potatoes and stewed carrots and battered cod and crisps and spinach all surrounding the flowers you'd suggested, nestled in the vase you love most, the Caithness one Johnny'd bought you on your first trip with them to Scotland.

At the table, your men sit, plates made for everyone, waiting on you. They've changed since you saw them. Gone are any traces of fatigues and tactical gear. Instead they're all in casual civvies, truly home for the first time in nearly three weeks. Simon stands as you come in and pulls out your chair, smile on his scarred lips. "Come sit, doll," he tells you, not quite an order.

You look quickly around. "Let me change," you say, tugging at your uniform top. "I won't be but a minute." You back out of the room before they can stop you. You hurry to your bedroom, pulling your top off as you go. Once behind the door, you slip from your trousers into comfortable leggings and a large jumper, one of Kyle's you think.

By the time you make it back to the kitchen, your men are more than a little antsy. Simon's smile is a little strained, Johnny is fidgeting, Kyle keeps glancing between you and John, and John is staring at you. Your chair is still out. He waves a hand at it, and gently says, "Come sit, love." It's couched as request, but you know a command from your lover when you hear it.

You take your seat at the table. "Listen-" you start, but John cuts you off.

"Are we not providing for ya, love?" You see the hurt in his eyes, how much it bothers him to think he, they, aren't doing enough for you.

"Oh, John, dear, no!" you reply, putting your hand over his on the table. "It's not that at all."

"Then what?" Simon asks.

You look at them all, the expectant faces waiting to hear how they failed you. "I get restless sometimes. I love you, and I love our life. I'm happy to take care of the house and make sure you're all fed after a long day. But I wasn't built for sitting around doing nothing. I like people; being home on my own all day can get lonely. Especially when you're deployed. I also like having my own pocket money."

John opens his mouth, and you know what he's about to say, so you continue. "I know you'd give me any money I need or want, but I like having my money. Money I earned myself." You look around at them, willing them to understand. "It's only part time. Helps me keep a little busy and have a little extra to spoil you and me with."

Johnny is frowning, but you see Kyle, head cocked, looking at you as a puzzle. "I think I understand," he says softly. "You were making you way just fine before us, and you gave up everything for us."

At his words, the crease between John's brow deepens, and you're sure he's remembering the job you had, that you'd somewhat enjoyed, when you'd first met them. You'd been working at RAF Lakenheath, living in a cozy flat in Cambridge, near The Backs, when the 141 had been coming through the base after an op. An injury had put Kyle in the med center for a week, and while he could have been transported to Hereford once stable, Laswell had worked it out for the whole team to have some R&R near the base.

You'd quite literally run into John one day, rushing to your office, after which he suggested lunch as an apology. You quickly became close with all four, smitten with them from the start. In turn, they fell hard for you. They wooed you over the course of several weeks, stopping through Lakenheath on deployments to spend some time with you. Six months in and you were completely gone on all four of them, so when they'd asked you to move to Hereford, you did without ever looking back. But it meant giving up the life you'd led.

Somewhere along the way, your happiness overshadowed all you'd left behind. After a few weeks, being home alone while your men worked started to feel isolating. You liked being a little busy, and there weren't enough projects around the house to keep you busy enough. You'd always been independent, but you didn't want to be stuck in a job with long hours anymore. You wanted to be home for your men. So you'd found the job at ASDA.

Kyle reaches over to where you hand is still on John's. "I'm sorry we didn't ask how you were coping us being gone all day," he says. He looks you in the eye as he continues. "I understand wanting to do something, wanting to be a little busy, and if this makes you happy, then I'm all for it, doll." He gives you a small smile and squeezes your and John's hand.

"Gaz is right," Simon rumbles. "We were so happy to have you here we didn't think about what you did all alone all day." He puts a heavy hand on your thigh, the warmth of him seeping through your thin leggings. "'m glad you have something to keep you from getting lonely."

"Sorry, hen," Johnny murmurs, just above a whisper. "We didnae think a' ye enough." You smile widely at him.

"Johnny, you think of me all the time. This isn't about neglect at all!" You try to catch his eye, but he's looking hard at the table in front of him. "You did nothing wrong, love," you tell him gently.

He looks at you, blue eyes bright. "Ye sure?" You've never seen him this nervous before, and you break a little.

"I'm sure love."

He smiles then, a little smile, but it brightens his face and shifts the mood in the room. You look at John who's been surprisingly quiet this whole time.

He's smiling, but it's a little sad. "I know ya said we didn't do anything wrong, but we feel like we did. We didn't notice you were bored, didn't ask if you were lonely." He flips his hand over under yours and threads your fingers with his. "Yer giving us a gift by not blaming us, and we'd be stupid not to take it, even though it feels like yer giving us an out. Thank you." He brings your hand to his lips and kisses it softly.

"Thank you. I was worried you'd be mad," you admit.

"Never could make us mad with something like this, hen," Johnny reassures you. "I'm sorry we had to spoil your day is all."

You turn back to look at the food on the island. "You didn't spoil my day. You made it. You're home early, and you made such a lovely spread. I think we should tuck in, yeah?"

Simon chuckles. "Point made, doll," he says, scooping a heaping helping of mash onto his fork. The rest take it as a sign to start eating too.

The room is silent save for the sounds of food savored until John pipes up, "Why'd ya come to florals, love? We might have missed ya altogether if not for that."

You giggle. "The sunshine call, John."

"Yeah?" He clearly doesn't understand.

"It's the shop call for a difficult customer. When I'm on shift, it's my job to handle those." You look at each of your lovers in turn. "Seems I've got a knack for dealing with muppets," you tell them with a smirk.

main masterlist

[obaewankenope]

American to English translation for fic

So I read and write fanfic, as do lots of others, and I've noticed that when it comes to British shows or movies, Americanisms or American terms crop up often. It's mostly because most don't know we have specific terms for things in the UK, and I've seen references here and there before, but I've decided to write one of my own. Feel free to add to it tho! I'm gonna put it up on Ao3 too and any additions, I'll reference the tumblr and link them on Ao3 too.

AO3 link is here!!

Anyway, here we go I guess.

Some Americanisms to English-isms

Gas = fuel/petrol/diesel (we tend to specify the type of fuel the vehicle uses, diesel vehicle or petrol vehicle for example)

Gas station = petrol/fuel station

Gas court = petrol/fuel court, or sometimes forecourt (not often with this one tho)

License plate = registration plate/reg

Diner = cafe

Fast-food = takeaway (this is sort of interchangeable. McDonald's is called fast food, a meal from a pizza place that delivers is takeaway)

Motel = hotel

Side-note: We tend to use specific named hotel chains like Premier Inn (or Prem-Inn for short) or Holiday Inn or Travelodge. We also have Britannia Hotels and several others. If the fic is based in a specific place, local hotels or famous ones may be better options. For example, in Liverpool, we have The Shankly or Adelphi.

Cab = taxi or black hac for a specific type of taxi.

Side-note: These are what you see in BBC Sherlock, for example, and are a UK staple. They're less popular or common-place nowadays but there are dedicated taxi companies that use them. There's on in my town that operates until 4pm each day. They are also usually more expensive than a car taxi but they have oodles of space and you can have a pram/buggy kept upright rather than folded-down in them which is brilliant.

Cop = police officer

Side note: more informal, colloquial terms include "copper", "the fuzz", "tit-head" (because of the nipple hat okay, just look up the hat, it's hilarious), "bobby", "rozzer" (pronounced r-o-z-er not Row-zer), and "the bill" (there's an actual show called this btw. It can be a good reference for anyone writing crime fic in UK). There's more but those are the most common. Older terms do include "peelers" and "old bill".

Second side-note: the police have a whole host of terms, colloquial and slang that can be a great thing to include in fic, which I'll link a glossary of here. It's not all UK centric but cross-country policing is a thing so that may just be a boon imho. Also the short-hand acroynmns used are useful so here's a link to the Metropolitan Police glossary of those too!

Patrolman = constable or police constable

Antenna = aerial or TV aerial

Fall (season) = autumn

Bill = banknote or specifically "tenner", "fiver", "twenny" (not "twenty"). We don't have single banknotes like a dollar bill. We have pound coins

Dimes, nickels, etc = pound coin, two-pound coin, fifty-pence, penny, two-pence, five-pence, ten-pence, twenty-pence (link here about the coin currency)

Drug store = chemist or pharmacy

Optometrist = optician

Primary care physician = GP (general practitioner) here's a link about UK medical terms for doctors etc

Side-note: here's a link about medical terminologies etc between American and UK

Social security number = national insurance number

Liquor store = off-license or, specifically, Bargain Booze™

Liquor = spirits (usually)

Store = shop

Target, Walmart, etc = honestly, it's probably gonna be Tesco, ASDA, Morrisons, ALDI or Lidl

Superstore = supermarket

Shopping cart = shopping trolley or just "trolley"

Yard-sale = car-boot/car-bootie/car-boot sale

Attorney = barrister or solicitor (solicitors you go to for legal help, barristers tend to be involved in actual court matters, like a the Crown Prosecution Service), here's a link that explains it better

Janitor = caretaker

French-fries = chips (although McDonald's French-fries are just that, French-fries)

Intersection = crossroad

Highway/freeway = motorway

Interstate = usually an A-road or a motorway, we don't really have interstates here)

Overpass = flyover

Turnpike = toll motorway

Windshield = windscreen

Trunk of a car = boot or car boot

Hood of a car = bonnet or car bonnet

Truck = lorry

Sedan = saloon car

Blowout = puncture or flat tyre

Pavement = road

Sidewalk = path

Subway = underground (like the London Underground)

Drapes = curtains (though we do use "drapes" we tend to say "curtains" more)

Pacifier = dummy or "dodo" or "dodi"

Diaper = nappie or a pull-up (if its like underwear for toddlers)

Baby crib = baby cot (though we do use "crib", we tend to say "cot" more)

Baby carriage/pushchair/stroller = pram or buggy (more specific type tho, here's a link about the differences)

Trash/garbage can = bin, dustbin, rubbish bin

Garbage/trash collector = binman/binmen

Mail = post

Mailman = postman

Mailbox = postbox

The movies = cinema or pictures

Movie = film (less common nowadays with influence of Americanisms but I still use "film" and a lot of people my age and older do too (25+)

First floor = ground floor okay, it's the ground floor because it's on ground level

Sneakers = unless they're Converse, it's probably just "trainers"

Baggage = luggage

Purse (as in the bag) = handbag, or "purse" but that tends to be the thing you put your money and cards in then put in your handbag

Vacuum cleaner = hoover or a specific brand like Henry Hoover™, which you'll find we tend to just call Henry (though I have a John Lewis hoover I got from George, ASDA that I've named 'George' and yes, I do say "I need to use George in a bit to hoover" regularly)

Sweater = jumper or, if it buttons up it's a cardigan or cardi

Closet = wardrobe

Elevator = lift

Call collect = reverse charges

Schools = we have primary/infants (11yrs)and secondary/high school (11-16yo) with some high schools have sixth-form college (16-18yo) or actual independent colleges for the same ages

College = university

Semester = term

Vacation = holiday

Kindergarten = nursey/reception

Flashlight = torch

Wrench = spanner

Backyard = garden

Cookie = biscuits

Chips = crisps (like Walkers™ or Lays™ in the States)

Pants = trousers

Cottoncandy = candyfloss

Dude = bloke/fella/mate

John Doe = John Smith

Exhausted (tired) = knackered

Cell phone = mobile

Cell data = mobile data/4G/5G

Bathroom/restroom = loo/toilet (informal term "bog")

Thanks = cheers

Soccer = football

Y'all = "you lot"

Fuck off/hit the road/go away = bugger off

Some slang phrases too

Bits and bobs = stuff, usually random

Take the mick/mickey = making fun of someone or over-exaggerating

Bob's your uncle = there you go, basically

Bog standard = typical, run of the mill kind of deal

Gutted = feel upset, disappointed

Dull as dishwater = basically really, really fuckin boring

Chinwag = basically "shooting the breeze" or just having a talk/chat

.

If you have any others that you think of or want added, reblog and add em! Tags too if you'd prefer but reblogs would be easier ☺️

[bbeeew]

the new complete list

Before we start honorable mentions go to @meowzartz , @bbeeew (me), @the-retailverse and @important-question-anon for not being gimmick blogs but being memorable or important

@totally-bing

@totally-official-yahoo

@totally-microsoft

@the-true-internet-explorer

@the-tumblur-searchbar

@the-veryreal-edge

@the-real-spotify

@the-real-google

@subway-offical

@speedway-official-unofficial

@realsafari

@official-fedex

@apple-music-official

@samsung-music-official

@nasa-real

@yahoo-official

@waffle-house-unofficial

@the-official-apple

@im-pandora-i-promise

@the-tumblur-searchbar

@us-costco-official

@america-runs-on-dunkin

@burger-king-unofficial

@burgerking-official

@yandex-search-fr

@duothelingo

@tim-hortans-official

@indisputably-ihop

@definitely-wikipedia

@the-one-and-only-duckduckgo

@firefox-official

@youtube-music

@totally-geico

@actually-amazon

@whataburger-unofficial

@definitely-tor-browser-official

@yahooo-official

@undeniably-chevron

@jack-in-the-box-official

@bingle-official

@walmart-the-official

@disney-the-official

@totally-mcdonalds

@costa-official

@asda-real

If I missed some please tell me!

[speedron]

I don't know why, but I'm here, so...

@totally-bing

@totally-official-yahoo

@totally-microsoft

@the-true-internet-explorer

@the-tumblur-searchbar

@the-real-google

@subway-offical

@speedway-official-unofficial

@realsafari

@official-fedex

@samsung-music-official

@nasa-real

@yahoo-official

@waffle-house-unofficial

@the-official-apple

@im-pandora-i-promise

@the-tumblur-searchbar

@us-costco-official

@burger-king-unofficial

@burgerking-official

@yandex-search-fr

@duothelingo

@tim-hortans-official

@indisputably-ihob

@definitely-wikipedia

@the-one-and-only-duckduckgo

@firefox-official

@youtube-music

@totally-geico

@actually-amazon

@whataburger-unofficial

@definitely-tor-browser-official

@yahooo-official

@undeniably-chevron

@jack-in-the-box-official

@walmart-the-official

@disney-the-official

@totally-mcdonalds

@costa-official

@asda-real

@totally-real-quotev-promise

@the-real-twitter-bird

@x-official

@real-target

@centers-for-disease-control

@the-real-honda

@bonafide-browser-brave

@totally-germany

@operagxreal

@amazon-officialblog

[sevendeadlyheadcanons]

I’ve seen this on tiktok with different fandoms so here is NNT if they worked in retail

(these will be british because i live in britain and so do they and saying big tescos is objectively funnier than walmart or whatever)

Meliodas: Still runs his pub, but it’s probably a Wetherspoons that he’s bought the franchising rights of. He plays the football on the TV and writes who’s playing on a chalkboard in front of the pub to draw more people in. Probably supports Millwall but lies to people about it because he doesn’t want to get beat up in his own pub

Diane: Claire’s. Never let this woman touch the piercing gun. Whenever she checks you out on the till she’s like “Ooh these earrings are stunning they’ll suit you so good” she always buys the blind bags and collects them all

Ban: Corner shop. Probably sells vapes to minors and gets them to call him bossman, but not intentionally he’s just drunk on the job (he drinks the 3 year old WKD that nobody has bought because it’s shit)

King: Marks and Spencer’s. He believes that M&S food is better than any other food. “Yeah sure Aldi might be cheaper, but are you gonna get Percy Pigs there?” “These oranges are of better quality and 10x better than the ones you can get at asda” bro will defend the prices at M&S with his life and constantly denies the tory allegations.

Gowther: Lush. Bro sells the fuck out of them bath bombs. He always smells like the shop. Does demos just for the fun of it, because he likes to see the ✨sparkle✨ the biggest snow fairy fiend, he stock piles snow fairy when it first comes into stock so nobody else can buy it for the first like week.

Merlin: Superdrug. She knows the shop like the back of her hand. Where’s the paracetamol? “Second isle” Where’s the pads? “At the end of isle 4” Where’s the makeup kept? “The back isle” She probably lets people shoplift to spice her day up.

Escanor: WHSmiths at daytime, Puregym at nighttime. Bro has bills to pay so he’s constantly on the grind. At smiths he constantly has to defend the prices and remind people that he personally is not the reason why the pencil cases are a tenner. At the gym he has no idea why people are working out at midnight but he’ll go and do it next to them just to flex.

Elizabeth: Probably still a waitress at the pub. Has to deal with rowdy footy fans all day with a smile on her face and she takes it like a champ. Doesn’t make the app orders late on purpose but they’ll still end up taking 2 hours to come somehow. She probably dropped the tray and had to remake it and then had to kick someone out. She needs her legally required 4 weeks paid holiday please 💔

Elaine: Primark. It’s the only job she could get and it makes her blood boil everyday. She hates the customers, she hates the cheaply made clothing. She is constantly applying to other jobs but she cannot get anywhere yet.

[yasssterday]

Tescomealdealification of the UK

I want to write about a subject that I have been researching as an active participant. This is the tesco-meal-deal-ification of the UK (feel free to use). I want to give you lot some ideas here about why the UK is so shit.

1. The tesco meal deal has destroyed who we were. Nobody packs their lunch anymore, we just get a meal deal. Patheticism at its bloody finest. I want to note here the class divide as now people who don’t have a lot of money can’t afford this every day so have reverted to bringing in food from home, and also people who make more money are now also not doing this. It is a middle class activity and it also needs to be destroyed. The reason it is the root of all problems in post-COVID Britain is that we now want to make everything as accessible and individualistic as a meal deal like the scooterification of EVERY TOWN (not necessarily bad, we love transport) and 24 hour gyms and coffee vending machines and the like.

2. What does mealdealification entail and how does it happen? It occurs because this is what is forced onto us by Big Deal. The word ‘deal’ now means “something that is priced as if we were still in 2012”. What is there to call a ‘deal’ in £5 for 3 items of food- approximately 50p per minute of your lunch break. The word is also embedded in the country’s cultural memory as the cultural collective decided that we would advertise everything as a solution to the cost of living crisis. Post-COVID it also has a hipster/young professional connotation as more and more people do not go to an office in which on their lunch break they are able to walk to a conveniently located supermarket. This idea eventually engulfs everything- cars will become super-personal and personalised and individual as we prepare for a society where families are only like 20% of households; more and more people are only looking to live their life as sustainably as comforts themselves as an individual.

3. Who were we? We were people who fucking made food, people who couldn’t be asked to do with meal deals. Is that spirit still there? Can we rekindle this somehow?

4. Who is Big Deal? American corporations like Walmart (hiding in the UK as Asda), American businessmen who have supplanted real Brits for people like Liz Truss (MAGA), Keir Starmer (apologetic scooter user), Rishi Sunak (podcast), Nigel Farage (Podcast). These people have taken good things and turned them evil by way of driving up the average Brit’s sense of entitlement.

Excuse m- move out of my way pl- now. I’m trying to pick out my meal deal and I only have 40 minutes left for my lunch.

Then he got on his scooter and scooted off while listening to music that is seen as cool by uncool people. You only feel pity for him as he gets off from work in his suit and tie with a gym bag in hand. It looks brand new.

Fight the true enemy.

[quite-right-too]

Inspired by that one Good Omens interview, “What do you MEAN, ‘What’s a Walmart???’” (prompt for a prompt? :D)

“What do you MEAN ‘What’s a Walmart’?”

The Doctor looked aghast, staring at Rose who sat on the other side of the couch in the media room, staring at the TV in front of her.

“Is it a grocery store? What is it, Doctor?” she asked, staring him down. Was she serious? Did she honest to gods not know what a Walmart was?

He quickly stood up, running his hand through his hair. “It isn’t not a grocery store but it doesn’t just sell groceries. You can buy all kinds of things there. Parts for your car, flat decor, even house paint and televisions.” His animated version of a Walmart description went on as he intended to truly show Rose the complexity of an American Walmart.

“But like… What is it?” She barely got the words out before the Doctor whisked her up, pulling her down the hallway and into the console room. She was lightly shoved in the direction of the jumpseat, rolling her eyes as he manically danced around the console. Flicking switches and pressing buttons, she felt the TARDIS jerk as she navigated the vortex. Landing with a shudder, the Doctor offered Rose a hand.

“Tampa, Florida. The year 2016 in the United States of America. Rough year for them, 2016. Donald Trump gets elected president,” he says with a cringe, pulling his coat on while continuing his manic rant, “famous gorilla killed at a zoo in Ohio, Muhammad Ali dies…” He trails off, looking at Rose’s smirk with a puzzled look on his face. “What? Why are you staring at me like that?”

She couldn’t hold it in any longer. Rose burst out in a fit of laughter, tears welling in her eyes. “Did you really think I didn’t know what a Walmart was, you knob?” She stood up, putting her hands on his shoulders. “Doctor, we have them in London. They’re called ASDAs.” She couldn’t help but smile at him as he smiled.

“You lied to me, Rose Tyler,” he accused. Her laugh said all he needed to know as he grabbed her by waist, picking her up and carrying her on his shoulder. Her squeak of surprise brought a satisfied smile to his face.

“We’re already here, Rose. Time to go for a little shopping spree.”

Send me a sentence prompt and I’ll write you a TenRose ficlet!

[pinbones-creations]

unpopular crochet opinions no one asked for because Halloween is for darkness and evil:

those tiktok amigurumi bees are awful. in fact i don't like a single one of the lumpy over-simple viral amigurumi patterns that everyone loves, not the bee, not the dinosaur, the duck, any of them

i really don't like that horrid yarn everyone loves that's half an inch thick and feels like cheap asda/walmart pajamas

i hate safety eyes. why would i want blank solid plastic beads sticking out of my stuffies. they don't even look like eyes

ergonomic hooks hurt more, with regular aluminium ones i don't have to turn my wrist, because i just use my fingers to turn the hook at the flat part

those are my unpopular crochet opinions, what do you guys think?

[sztupy]

Az ASDA mindig is szar volt, de amióta nem Walmart azóta valamiért még szarabb lett

És persze mandatory

[itdisneymatter]

Day 01 - Islands Of Adventure

The short

Islands of Adventure today. First full day and it couldnt have been a more perfect first day of our holiday. Once in the park proer, we made a bee line to Hogsmeade and did Forbidden Journey (gold standard as always) and then Hagrid’s Magical Creatures Motorbike Adventure. And Magical it was, such a great ride and experience, it was fantastic. Jurassic Park next, River Adventure and the super speedy, super awesome Velocicoaster DONE. BAAACK to Hogsmeade to do Flight of the Hippogryph and Hagrid’s again (yup). Pretty much walked on to the Hulk, then Kong and finally Spiderman and the day was done. Very chill day which we didnt expect and ride times were all surprisingly reasonable.. Met up with Pauline and Kevin and went to Chilis for dinner where we were reminded very strongly about how big portion sizes were - IT. WAS. A. STRUGGLE, but very good and great to meet up with the family (not for the first time, I may add - details below). Very tired by the end but overall we all had a very very enjoyable day. Heading to Universal Studios tomorrow with Pauline, Kevin, Emily and Kelly - really looking forward to it.

The long

First off, I am tired writing this as its been a pretty long but very pleasurable day, so please excuse the mistakes, blandness and lack of edit photographs (or even photosgraphs), it’ll get better once I get acclimatized… probably. Please also forgive the fact that this may descend into an incoherent scrawl as I have my first glass of the new whisky at hand as I write this, and it may not be my last as it it very, very nice…

Of all the gin joints in all the towns…

So before I head into today, Ill just give a little recap of some of the events of last night that failed to go into the yesterdays update. Picked up the car after flying through security at the airport and decided to head to Disney Springs to pick up the Magic Bands for our upcoming Disney parks this week. Oh and as soon as we stepped out into Orlando air, the heat just hit us, not too hot - a very pleasant warmth but glad that we dressed for the occasion beforehand. And our car was huge, so spacious and easily devoured all ten of our cases and bags with room to spare. Took about an hour from the airport and by change we parked at the nearest car park to Planet Hollywood which was the place we had to pick up our bands. We were tempted so much to stay at Disney Springs for a while because it felt so familiar and exciting, but came to our senses as it was getting on in the day and headed to the hotel to check-in (and get our smoothies #nom), unpack and get base camp established. And although we were kinda shattered from all of our travels, we headed out to Walmart to get some essential supplies in. Now Walmart is frickin’ huge, its like Asda on Steroids, which then had a baby with Costco and you could easily get lost in it. And who did we bump in to? Pauline and Kevin and the girls (my sister and brother in law for those who dont know). Absolutely crazy and completely unplanned, what are the chances??? So yeah, we were stood in the middle of Walmart catching up and getting the low down on what they’d been up to. It was really nice to meet them out and about even though we had plans to do so this week. So after we said our goodbyes, we returned to the hotel and we all pretty much crashed out.

And now…

This morning I woke up at 5am. Why was this you ask? Maybe it was it my body clock adjusting? Or the heat just getting too much? Nope, it due to an alarm going off, the alarm that Ann had set on her phone to get us up for our flight the DAY BEFORE! I was able to get back for a short sleep though before we woke up proper and we were all the better for a good night sleep.

So on to Islands of Adventure today, our first of the two Universal parks we were doing back to back to kick off the week. We decided to ease ourselves into it, as we had to get our tickets and the accessibility pass organized which would take a little time at guest services. There was a buzz of excitement and familiarity as we parked up in the Jurassic Park carpark and walked down the moving walkway. And the Jurassic Park theme tune playing (which is possibly one of the most emotive movie themes ever), was the icing on the cake. We got to the gate and took our our embarrassingly huge A4 printout to get into the park (I find it pretty crazy Universal still rely on paper and pen for these things). The person scanning us in called everyone by their correct names as we entered one by one, well everyone except me. He called me Gerald. Now, I’ll take this time to recall an event from the evening before - whilst waiting on our Smoothies at the hotel, we came across a whole bunch of keyrings with names, one of which had a similar name to Gerald - Geraldo. I joked at the time about having been referred to that as a friendly moniker occasionally in the past and how it would be funny if I purchased said keyring as a joke. Well, the dude at the gate just gave me a big push in that direction and then having seen a stroller in the park not a 100 yards from that point with the family name of Geraldo, my fate i now sealed.

Guest Services. The girl assisting Ann, Lexi could not have been more helpful and pleasant. Right, I get it , I know this is their job and they get paid to do it, but I’ll tell you what I havent seen such kindness and willingness to help from random people in a long while. and it really didnt stop there. Such nice people here (be warned I fear I may say this a lot on this trip).

So on to Hogsmeade and the plan was to get a return time for Hagrid’s Magical Creatures Motorbike Adventure (which I will be calling Hagrid’s from this point on), and ride another Harry Potter ride while we wait. We had been forewarned about how excellent Hagrid’s would be by Michael & SJ, so kinda hyped for it. Decided to do Forbidden Journey while waited, and I couldnt quite believe that the wait time was only 15 minutes! The queue experience was excellent and this has been an outstanding ride in the past, so to see this at 20 minutes, that cray-cray. Pauline and Kev had said the parks were a little quieter but I really didn’t expect this. Hopefully a sign of good things to come. So the five of us strolled through Hogwarts halls, wearing our custom HP t-shirts, and we laughed and reminisced about previous years, even way back to the first year when it was only Ann & I as the children were all too small to ride. Happy times at Hogwarts.

Oh yeah the custom t-shirts (see I told you this was going to be all over the place). I’ll mention this only because it’ll matter later, but one of the sets of t-shirts we did (and we did 3 sets in total), was personalised t-shirts with quotes and character references from Harry Potter, all in Gryffindor colours. Ann had Dobby, Grace had Luna, Patrick had Fawkes, Robert had Hagrid and I had the Deathly Hallows. We didnt really have the time to make them so close to the holiday in hindsight but really glad we did.

Anyway, me and my soon to be sidekick for all park rides Grace, were in one cart and the other three in another. It was just like I remembered, and Grace loved it too (though closed her eyes at the spiders). Very enjoyable first ride of the holiday, scores out of ten below.

GG 8.5

AG 7

PG 8

RG 8

GG2 8.5

Now I and the other have adjusted these scores, in anticipation for the newer rides (Im looking at you Rise of the Resistance), so they may have slipped from previous years, but this is still fairly respectable overall.

Hagrids next and again the girl at the gate, Autumn was so amazingly nice. We had an issue getting a retun time for another ride, so she gave us 5 free tickets to walk on to any other ride later in the day and when I had problems with my locker she gave me a comp locker ticket without question. They dont need to do this, but it really made it so special for us. Just utterly humbled by the whole thing.

So Hagrids, aye well to start I was on the motorbike and Grace in the side car, with the rest of the troops not far behind. And it was so utterly, gob smackingly fantastic - I was grinning from ear to ear the whole time (while holding on to the handlebars for dear life). Everyone loved it and Grace screamed 10. 10. 10. 10. no 11, can I give it an 11?…. as we came off the ride and couldnt wait for me to ask her her rating. Ive said we should also give a ride a star everyday and Hagrids got five stars, it was that good.

GG 9

AG 10

PG 8.5

RG 9

GG2 10 (just 10 grace)

Had to get a Butterbeer (so good), and we then headed off to get a return time for the next coaster - VELOCICOASTER! We decided to come back and do Flight of the Hippogryph at a later time.

Life finds a way

We managed to get a return time for Velcicoaster which everyone apart from Ann decided to do. Yes, even Patrick “I dont do Rollercoasters” Gaffney decided he would go on it. No coaxing, arm twisting nothing. It was a big thing for him as hes not good with heights at all and it was a big one, so we dont to PG for stepping up to the plate. Meanwhile Robert “I love all the coasters” Gaffney, had been waiting all day for it!

Jumped on Sadie’s favourite ride, River Adventure, while we waited to go back, and we survived unscathed (well unwet, if thats such a thing). Funny thing as we were waiting in the queue, I had to borrow Anns prescription sunglasses as I couldnt read my phone clearly. Definitely felt old, if I didnt already at that point! Scores on the doors for this one were:

GG 7

AG 6

PG 7

RG 7

GG2 7

Back to Velocicoaster at our return time and the tension was building. Ann took some time out to go fill our unlimited refillable drinks and we hesitantly shuffled to the ride entrance. Grace was getting a little nervous, and even more by the fact it was only 2 persons wide as she would be on the end. But she wanted to try at least once, and to her and everyones elses credit, they did great. But boy, was it fast. Superfast really, reaching up to 70mph at one of the loops, and although that doesnt sound like much, it felt very very much. Robert had it as a definite contender for best ride, and Patrick thoroughly enjoyed it, which was great to hear.

GG 9

AG -

PG 8.5

RR 9

GG 9

We decided to use our free tickets we got earlier to do Hagrid’s again whilst it was still within walking distance, so back to Hogsmeade we went. The day was pretty easy going so didnt fell like were had to hurry through anythng at any point which was a nice feeling, so backtracking really wasnt an issue.

Flight of The Hippogryph. It was very short, just like this paragraph so heres the scores:

GG 6.5

AG 5

PG 6.5

RG 6.5

GG 6.5

Seriously though, still a nice wee ride, but when you now need to factor in the newcomers, it starts to slip.

The Fountain of Knowledge

Whilst taking a break before doing Hagrid’s again, we decided to sit on the edge of a nice water fountain in The Lost Continent area. I took my camera out for the first time (hence the lack of photographs, but that will definitely be changing as of tomorrow), and took a few shots of Grace. All of a sudden the fountain started speaking to us! It was surreal. His name was apparenlt Finneus (yeah Finneus the Fountain) and complimented us on our tshirts and asked where we were from. And on hearing that we hailed from Scotland, he put on a poor scottish accent (as you do or at least as others do) and asked about Haggis, the weather and the MIDGES, all the while cracking jokes. It was hilarious and so surreal. It was things like this that made our day get better and better. And it really didnt stop there. So we then got into the queue at Hagrids with our free passes, only to be called back hurriedly by one of the ride ushers. We thought we had done something wrong, but they wanted to see our custom T-shirts! And they were so impressed by them, that they told us to keep our free tickets as they were going to walk us all right to the front of the ride! We just couldnt believe it. It was EVEN better then second time, so better in fact I increased my score to 9.5. As we were leaving we thanks the crew, and they then asked if we wanted to do it again. WHAT??? It was insane, so yeah back to the front of the line yet again for our third time around Hagrids. Such a crazy series of events and special shout out to Justin, Andrea and Jake for that, absolutely buzzing after it and definitely worth eeking out the time to get the thsirts designed and printed.

To wrap up the day, we got a return time for Kong and while waiting for that headed to The Hulk. The ride Grace had been desperately wanting to try since the last time when she was too short to ride. The queue time was only TEN MINUTES!!! Just me, Robert and Grace for this one and Grace, who had been a bit shaky after Velocicoaster was starting to get a little anxious for it. She gripped my handed as we headed off from the platform, and after the first look I heard her screaming. Thinking that she it was too much for her, I looked over only to see her screaming with joy and we twisted upside side down and around and around and around. She exited with the words, BEST RIDE EVER! although her heart won out as she ultimately settled on Hagrids as her most favourite ride experience of the day. I was a little apprehensive about The Hulk after riding Velocicoaster, not living up to the memory and would pale in comparison to the newer tech rides. But it did not disappoint, it was everything I remembered it was, great solid ride and one I would happily go on again and again (which coincidently is what Grace said she wanted to do). One of Robert favourite ride from last time, and he felt the same way to.

GG 9

AG -

PG -

RG 8.5

GG2 10

Penultimate ride of the day - Skull Island: Reign of Kong and although I couldnt remember much from last time, it was really great and mixed visual effects, motion effects and animatronics really well.

GG 8.5

AG 7.5

PG 7.5

RG 8

GG 8

And finally Spiderman. Showing its age a little now, but still a good ride with lots of great sequences.

GG 7.5

AG 7

PG 7

RG 7

GG 7

And with that, we were done with the Islands of Adventure for the day. Honestly so overwhelmed by it all, and cant say enough how much of an amazing day we all had. If every day turned out to be half as good as this, it will be a fantastic trip.

And for dinner we caught up with Pauline, Kevin, Emily and Kelly after a quick change and headed to Chilis. Having only had a snack as we werent really hungry throughout the day, we were ready for it! We sat down to a a plethora of home made chips/nachos, cheese, chicken tenders, wings, bites, sizzling fajitas, corn and the biggest mozzarella sticks on the planet. Of course, not accounting the portion sizes, I think it defeated most of us in the end (well apart from Kev, Patrick and Robert), so will to take that into account in future. It was a great night made even better by my mum and dad who had given us the funds to cover the meal before we left (thanks guys! :)

Were heading to Universal Studios with P&K tomorrow, so need to be up bright and early, so with that Ill sign off for now. Thanks to those of you who are still here, spk to you tomorrow!

Step count of the day: 20.5k

Star rides: Hagrid’s (5 stars)

[walmart-the-official]

is asda the british version of walmart since you own it?

well it sure ain’t the German version

[shepardstales]

Was in ASDA today (uk Walmart) and this kid was trying to convince his mom or his grandma that the price of chocolate should rise to £4000 because its so good. She looked absolutely horrified