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kilojulietsierra · 28 days ago

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"Oh Sweet Irony "- Dr Jack Abbot x Reader

Summary: You hate doctors, and will do just about anything to avoid seeing one even if you're sick. A fact that your boyfriend Dr. Jack Abbot sometimes finds very annoying. This time though, you're miserable and you cave to his request, "Let me take care of you."

TW: most of my content is considered 18+ content, sick fic, comfort fic, medical inaccuracies, fluff, inappropriate workplace behavior but the PG kind, I wrote this sick and I think Dr. Abbot would def make me feel better just saying...

(Special thank you to the gif creator for the above because DAMN)

~~~~~~

Jack maneuvered his way through the packed waiting room and had to fight to hear you over the phone, "Well, hon, if you feel as bad as you sound you need more than NyQuil." He sidestepped a stoller, "No, it's not helping. I can tell." He made the corner and hugged the wall on his way to the doors, "Just come in and we can get you something that will actually do some good." He waved to the girls behind the glass and mouthed a thanks as he heard the security doors buzz and the lock disengage, "I know… I know… No, I'm not going to let you sit in the waiting room." He gives Bridget and exapserated look as he approaches the hub, "Hon, please, just come down. I'll tell the girls up front you're coming and they'll let you right in." He dropped his bag in his chair and swiped his badge to clock in, "Ok, well… it's either that or stay home tomorrow and I'll come over when I get off work." He nods, "That's what I thought. I'll see you when you get here. Love you."

~~~~

You felt like shit. All week you had been fighting off some sort of bug, the worst of it Monday after you got home from work. You thought that would be the end of it. The stuffy nose, cough, sore throat was really no big deal. NyQuil and DayQuil became your best friends. A week later and that cough just wouldn't quit, your stomach hurt from the constant coughing and chest spasms, you could hardly breathe, barely sleep more than a couple hours now without waking up to a coughing fit so violent you thought you might throw up.

Jack had been busy all week, his schedule and yours just couldn't line up and he'd been stuck late most mornings. You had told him, vaguely, that you didn't feel great but didn't want him to worry. Then he had called you on his way home, and you had not been able to hold back the coughing fit.

So, he had told you to call him after work and let him know how you were feeling, because he knew you wouldn't skip work. Now, here you were sneaking your away around the edge or the PTMC Emergency waiting room fighting back your anxiety and another coughing fit.

You hesitated a little the closer you got to the doors but one of the women at the admissions desk behind the glass saw you and waved. You chewed your lip and stepped a little closer with a careful smile. She waved you on through and you heard the buzz and clunk of the security doors. You can feel the burn of the glares and the muttering behind you as you pulled the heavy door open and stepped through.

Bridget saw you almost immediately and meets you halfway for a hug, "Hey sweetie."

You gave her a smile and a half step back, "Oh, don't hug me, I'm gross."

"Oh please, come here." She gave you a hug and then looked you over, "We just got a call for a code coming in, so he might be a minute okay."

"You guys are busy, I should just go."

"Not a chance." She tugged you towards the hub, "You just sit right here and I'll get you some water."

You sit in one of the office chairs and slouch back into it trying to take up as little space as possible. Bridget came backi a moment later with a bottle of water and a North Face jacket you recognized as one of Jacks. The ED was always chilly and you were grateful for the warmth and familiar scent as you shrugged into the slightly too big jacket.

Outside you hear the sirens as the ambulance arrives and Jack appears out of nowhere in full work mode.

You hated doctors, but this one you think, this one you certainly didn't mind.

From your chair behind the counter you watched as he quick stepped down the hall and as terrible as felt and as much as you didn't want to be here, it was kind of fun to see that side of him. The confident, collected and in charge Dr. Jack Abbot was the exception.

Jack sees you on his way by and even in the midst of chaos while calling our orders he takes half a second to catch your eye and give you just a hint of a smile without missing a beat.

~~~~~~

"Hey sweetheart," Jack says softly as he approaches and squats down in front of you, "C'mere." He pulls the chair closer so he can take a good look at you. He hasn't seen you all week and he feels like shit because you look miserable. He gives your leg a squeeze as he stands, ignoring the way his knees catch and pop, "Bridget, can you get a,"

"Six is all set up for you."

Jack gives her smile and a nod as he takes your elbow to help you stand up. While one hand never leaves your elbow he grabs a tablet with the other and guides you into the room.

"Don't forget to leave that door open Dr. Abbot!" Bridget teases from behin.

You turn to give her a look and then Jack, "Is there an HR complaint or something I should know about?"

Bridget snorts behind you as Jack just gives you both a side eye. He pinches your side and nudges you to keep walking, "Policy. No male doctors alone in rooms with female patients."

"Lame, next you're going to tell me we're not allowed to sneak off to have a quickie int the on call room like on Greys Anatomy."

Bridget laughs louder behind you and Jack just gives you a look.

You give him a wink and a little smile but the urge to laugh triggers another coughing fit and reminds you that you're not just here to say hi.

~~~~~~

In the exam room he helps you out of your jacket and up to sit on the bed. "I didn't check in or anything."

Abbot leaned against the counter, "Had Bridget sign you in." He gave you a soft smile as he watched you try not to fidget. He pulled up your patient file and had to bite the inside of his cheek because there was something about putting his own name in as your emergency contact that still got him. More and more he also found himself thinking about seeing his last name there instead of yours. He also couldn't wait to get you on his TRICARE because your employers health insurance fucking sucks. "You okay if I do everything myself?"

When you nod he can see that you're still anxious.

He puts in your info. He knows your personal information, height and weight, your medical history, he knows your anxiety meds dosage and all. "Your period started last Sunday right?" He smirks at you when you still blush but nod. He checks the box next to sexually active, he entertained the thought of asking you just to see you blush a little more, then types in 'partner vasectomy' in the line by birth control method.

Once everything was filled in he set the tablet down and washes his hands in the sink. He forgoes the gloves because it's you. Part of him wants to be able to feel you, part of him knows his touch will feel better for you than the latex.

He feels a little weird taking your temperature and bp because holy shit it has been a long time since he hasn't had a nurse to do the initial work up. Jack rests the back of his fingers against your forehead while he waits for a temp. "Little high." He says softly, long before the thermometer gave him a read out and showed he was correct. Your temperature is a little high. "Okay so far?" He asks as he puts the machine away and catches your eye. His fingers stroking up and down your forearm.

You nod, "You'd make a good nurse." You tease and then cover your mouth as another chest racking cough takes over.

The quip makes him crack a grin as he rubs your back through the coughing fit. "I'm going to listen to your lungs okay?" He waits for your nod before he pulls his stethoscope down and catches the way your eyes track the routine action and the way his forearms flex with the movement. "Ok, sit up straight for me and take a couple deep breaths." He goes through the motions, front and back, listening to your lungs and frowing. He rubs your back while he's still standing close and whispers, "Good girl." He drapes his stethoscope around his neck again as you cough and fight through a shuddery breath. "You take anything in the last few hours?"

"No," You shake your head, "Had a feeling you were going to make me come in."

"I won't make you do anything hon, you know that."

"You know what I mean." You're so tired that the urge to lean into him.

He sees it and nods, give you another smile, "I'm going to take a look at your throat okay?" When he grabs the scope and a tongue depressor he steps up in front of you and pauses. The two of you lock eyes for a second and he shakes his head, "Don't make me say it."

You bite your lip and try not to laugh because you know it'll just make you cough. "Make you say what Dr. Abbot?" You know Jack is unflappable, often stoic wilth a killer poker face, and your dislike for doctors aside, you enjoy that you can make this one blush just that little bit.

Jack never does say it, but the look he gives you says plenty. So does the way he smooths the pad of his thumb over your bottom lip when he's done. He sets the tools down on the tray, "Head up for me, just going to feel right here." The way he holds your neck, feels for swelling, is so clinical and second nature that he wouldn't think anything of it if he hadn't seen the way your eyes flickered. So, sue him if his touch lingered a little, or if he traced the line of your throat with his thumb just to see those pretty eyes flutter one more time.

He know he shouldn't be standing between your legs like he is, and he sure as hell shouldn't set his hand on your thigh when he says, "I'm going to call for a chest x-ray."

"What? Why?" Your panic rises, the anxiety back in full force.

The hand on your leg squeezes and then he slowly begins to stroke his knuckles over the top of your thigh in a soothing, repetitive motion. "You're okay, just want to be safe. Your lungs sound like trash and I just want to rule out pneumonia." He appreciates the ability to be straighforward and say things more bluntly than normal. He also appreciates that you trust him enough to calm down quickly. "I'll set you up with a nebulizer while you wait, going to help you breathe a little easier. I'm going to pull some labs too." He reiterates, "Just to be safe."

You try not to fidget while he preps the needle and the blood tubes.

"You're okay hon, it's just one poke. I'm good at this promise." He gives you and wink. "You want me to hold your hand?"

You scoff which turns into a cough, "Don't you need both hands?"

Jack shrugs, looks you in the eye, "I can do it with one."

"Please don't."

With another wink he sets your arm where he needs it, "Quick and easy I promise." Each touch is long and slow, smooth and lingering. He uses every ounce of practice and skill he possesses to make it as painless as possible for you. "There you go." He strokes the sting of the needle away with his thumb until you finally look his way again.

Brdget knocks and pokes her head in, "Respiratory is here."

Jack nods and looks back to you, "Big, deep breaths on that until radiology comes down with the portable, okay?" He tips your chin up for a kiss, but you hesitated.

"I'm gross."

"Don't give a shit." He gives you a quick kiss and strokes his thumb over your brow. "I'll be back to check on you soon as I can." One more kiss, to your forehead this time and then he's on his way out of the room. As he passes he gives Bridget a look.

"What?" She plays along, tries not to smirk, "I didn't see anything."

Once Jack is out of the room Bridget helped you get comfy on the bed with a blanket fresh out of the warmer.

"You know, I don't understand why the patient satisfaction is so low around here."

"Sweetie, the only satisfaction that man gives two shits about, is yours."

After a beat you both break into a laugh which triggers another coughing fit. Taking that as their cue RT came in to set you up on the nebulizer. Then all you could do was wait.

After that Jack got busy again and you tried to tamp down the anxiety as the minutes dragged on,as you finished the nebulizer treatment, as radiology came and went. There was little worse in your opinion than laying alone in a hospital bed, but Jack had been right the nebulizer had helped your breathing and you were coughing less.

The longer you were in there the more you actually began to wonder about those terrible patient satisfaction scores everyone was always complaining about because every single person you had come into contact with that night had seemed to go above and beyond. The rad tech, the respiratory tech, every single nurse that stopped in to check on you. You were beginning to wonder if there wasn't some sort of big, red alert by your name that said; "ABBOT"S GIRLFRIEND DON'T FUCK IT UP".

A soft knock at the door startled you out of your thoughts and you sit up a little more as Jack comes in.

"How ya feelin'?"

"Ready to go home."

"I know hon." He props a him on the edge of your bed and rubs your leg through the blanket, "Rads and your bloodwork came back. Bronchitis. Just a little infection in your bronchial tubes, right here," He gestures to the general area on his own chest, "Usually takes care of itself if you take it easy."

You nod, "Which… I did not do."

He gives your calf a squeeze and his lips tick up in a smirk, "No, you did not. Which is why I'm sending you home with a goodie bag full of meds which you will take until they're gone. And, when I say home, I mean my house. Ellis is writing you up a doctors order right now to send to your boss."

"Jack…"

Completely unphased he continues, "While you're at my place for the next few days you will do as little as possible. Am I clear?"

You looked up at him, "Is this the part where I'm supposed to say yes sir and salute?"

Jack relaxes as soon as the words are out of your mouth. He shakes his head slightly and smooths his hand over your leg again, "Sorry." He meets your gaze and softens his expression, "Just promise me you'll take it easy. Let me take care of you."

With a slight cough you reached out for his hand, and smiled as he took it, stroked his thumb over the back of your knuckles. "I'm willing to bet you're not the greatest patient either, so you can't give me that much shit."

That gets him to smile, "Ready to go home?"

"Yes please."

Jack helps you sit up and slide out of the hospital bed, then helps you back into his jacket. "Ok, go home, my place," he emphasizes, "Take a good hot shower, take your meds and go to bed." He goes to guide you out of the room, but you tug him to a stop. "What's wrong?"

You bit your lip, "Thank you." Your voice was soft and a little apologetic.

For just a minute there was no hint of Dr. Abbot, he was just your boyfriend Jack. "C'mere." He pulled you in close and wrapped you in a hug, pressed a kiss to the top of your head. He chuckled, pressed another kiss to your temple and whispered, "See, coming to the doctor isn't so bad is it?"

You smile besides yourself and lean into him, "Depends on the doctor."

He walked you out to the hub and one of the nurses caught him right away, "We have a shooting victim eight minutes out."

Just like that Dr Abbot was back. "Ok set up trauma one, someone call OR give them a heads up." He turned back to you and softened, "I'll see you at home." Even in the middle of his ED, trauma en route, Jack gave you a smile and a quick kiss. "Go get some rest."

You nodded and watched as he turned to get back to work. Then with a smile of your own you turned to Bridget, "So, when do I get to fill out that patient satisfaction survey?"

~~~~

#the pitt #the pitt hbo #the pitt fanfic #dr jack abbot #dr jack abbot x reader #jack abbot x reader #jack abbot x you #dr jack abbott #dr jack abbott x reader

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assignedmale · 7 months ago

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I'm on the verge of quitting everything. I've been crying all day. I'm tired of putting up a candid face when social media is scr*wing over trans creators or only showing my art to anti-trans suicide-baiters. Even though this has been my most productive year ever, in terms of online content, I get comments practically every day about how rarely people get to see my posts in their feed.

Since last winter's natural disaster, we haven't been able to afford groceries. We haven't had hot water since March. I've been late on student loans and car payments for months. Orders are late and I feel like I'm failing everyone.

On top of that, I'm still regularizing my situation in this country, and in that context, I just received a letter telling me that as a self-employed artist, I'm obligated to put a monthly $700 in a private retirement fund (and pay the 21 months backlog since I officially started paying taxes here). The only other options are to quit art or go back to Canada.

I've talked in the past few months about the necessity for the survival of this project to double the amount of subscribers on patreon. Each time, social media killed the reach of these posts. I'm not expecting this one to do better. However, it has never been more urgent. There needs to be about 200 new subs or I might be forced to shut it all down. I'm really scared and I wish this wasn't the only way.

You got some choices, although they are being updated more or less regularly - keeping Assigned Male Comics free and easily available on social media remains my priority : Assigned Male Comics patreon A Frog in the Bog (foraging and DIY) patreon Pastel Sexy Times (nsfw) patreon Candycore Comics patreon

Paypal : @assignedmale

I'm sure you all got so much on your plate, and you could do without the series of woes that have afflicted our family this year. Thank you for reading through this and for your constant support, even if it's just through leaving comments - it does help. It's my privilege to create these comics, and I hope to do it as long as you will allow me.

xx Sophie

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gotta-winwin · 6 months ago

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OT13 Reaction -- to you having a fan account

SCOUPS:

he finds it so incredibly adorable that you have a fan acc dedicated to them. he follows it from his burner acc asap, adding it to his list of accs he checks daily. is so surprised when he finds out that he's actually been following the account already, having been using it for updates on seventeen. amazed to know you're the one behind @ svtfanclub.

JEONGHAN:

teases you about it every chance he gets. he insists you're sooo obsessed with him and everything he does. you have to start second thinking everything you post about him, knowing even the smallest thing might set off a firework of omg you're sooo in love, at least hide it better. ik, ik, you can't help it. i'm irresistible. smirks when he sees you typing on your phone, fingers already itching to save the post before you've even posted it.

JOSHUA:

has a dedicated saved folder just for your posts. saves every single one to look back on later. brings them up in daily conversation randomly - you guys could be talking about what to have for dinner and he'd throw in a soooo i saw your latest post, the one with my photoshoot pictures~ turns red whenever he sees you thirsting for him online.

JUN:

singlehandedly turns your svt updates fan acc into a svt meme acc. he sends you exclusive photos of the members whenever he can, urging you to turn them into memes and to post them. cackles reading all the comments and only ever sends you good pics of himself. he refuses to be caught lacking.

HOSHI:

remember when hoshi spammed weverse with horanghae? he will 100% steal your phone and do that on your fan acc. accidentally stirs up speculation about whether or not you know hoshi or if you're trolling your followers. insists you post one photo of him a day, resulting in the acc being more of a hoshi shrine than a svt fanpage (oops.)

WONWOO:

lowkey impressed how routinely your updates are despite your busy life. he's a little embarrassed by some of your more....enthusiastic posts, but he appreciates the amount of love. ends up adding the acc to his phone so ya'll can run it together. he handles all the nomination updates and real other stuff - allowing you to spend your time posting more fun content about the members.

WOOZI:

doesn't really get the point of it. he does his best to understand the hows and whys of running a fan acc, ending up just telling you how much it means to him that you're supporting his work. gives you exclusive mini interviews about his creative process and songwriting, leaving your followers wondering where on earth you're getting these insider info.

MINGHAO:

touched when he notices you have dedicated posts to him and his art projects. scolds you whenever he sees you interacting with haters, reminding you that as much as he appreciates you defending them, violence is not the answer! he's always there to remind you whenever he feels like you need a break for social media, turning off your phone for you and proposing a day out.

DK:

cries as he scrolls through your posts, not being able to take how thoughtful and supportive you are. clings onto you the whole day after he finds out, whispering how much he loves you and how much it means to him. turns on notifications for your posts and smiles whenever he sees them.

MINGYU:

accidentally likes one of your posts thirsting over him with his main acc. panics and deletes it but it's too late - the ever-watching carats have spotted him. sends millions of followers swarming to your acc and he can only shrug when you confront him about it. claims its for media and promotion purposes. sends you exclusive gym pics and thirst traps for you to post - although some of them are too spicy so you keep them to yourself.

SEUNGKWAN:

has that iconic shocked expression when you tell him before taking out his own phone and showing you that surprise! he has one too. the two of you now sometimes coordinate your posting times and interact with each other in the comments. he will tsk with disappointment if a post doesn't met his standards. competitive ass turns it into a competition.

VERNON:

he's not surprised. you seem to know like everything about seventeen already, so it's only natural you help inform other carats! he'll send you trends he thinks you should incorporate into your acc and provides you with behind-the-scenes pics. gets you vip access to any event so you can grab those up close shoots of him and his members - nepo baby(?) at its finest.

DINO:

his ego is boosted to the max when he finds out. loves that you found a way to love him loudly despite your relationship being private. giggles to himself (although he'll never admit it) whenever you post about him and sends your posts into the svt gc for his hyungs to see.

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blank-potato · 1 month ago

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Mommy Dearest

Pairing: Lochlan Ratliff x Stepmom!Reader x Saxon Ratliff

Warnings: 18+ Explicit Content

Summary:

“Oh please, I'm not the only man in the house that's been enjoying the view.” “Yes, but only your father should be–” “Oh, I'm not talking about my father.” Saxon cuts you off, and judging by his expression, you can tell whatever he’s thinking isn’t good. What? You pause and try to think, if not Timothy, then who–? “Lochlan?” You say in surprise, your eyes almost falling out of your skull, “Saxon, don't say shit like that.” Or You're their new stepmother, and the family has been going through...growing pains. So Saxon is a little freak to your face, and Lochlan is a little freak behind closed doors.

A/N: The Ratliff family's fuckupedness is a contagious disease fr. Also, I'm honestly surprised I didn't drop a mommy kink in there. I might if I fuck around and write a part 2 (update - I did). Anyways, enjoy the messiness :)

Part 2

❀❀❀

The Thailand trip had been uncomfortable so far, to say the very least.

The family had been going through changes: their parents' divorce, Lochlan's soon-to-be heading off to college, Piper's foray into Buddhism and her thesis, and, of course, Timothy's remarrying. Their world had been turned upside down in a matter of a few months.

So you understood why they didn't take to you being their new mother figure right away.

Piper seemed to be on edge with you. She tried to be polite, to keep things civil, and to be as accommodating as she could, but all in all, she wore her heart on her sleeve. Her father, marrying a younger woman, someone who had once been his secretary, just rubbed her the wrong way, no matter how much she tried to hide it.

You remembered the early days. You'd help out at the office, handle late-night calls, and sometimes swing by the house to drop off documents for Timothy. You didn't know that she saw the way you'd blatantly flirt when you guys thought no one was looking. To her, you were the other woman. And it was hard to reconcile that no matter how hard you tried.

Sure, the marriage had started with an affair, but it wasn’t just some fleeting dalliance. This was love. You weren’t a gold digger, no matter what they all thought.

“Good morning.”

“Morning,” you reply, not looking up from your coffee cup. You knew if you met his eyes, all you'd see was Saxon giving you “fuck me” eyes. Looking you up and down like he wanted to take you right there. In some ways, dealing with Saxon was more difficult than dealing with Piper.

He wanted to fuck you, which was a big problem. Since you were once his father’s secretary, the two of you worked quite closely together. You were around often, and always just within reach, so when you became his stepmother all of a sudden, it was a surprise, to say the least.

But something as little as a title or a ring on your finger wouldn’t stop Saxon. If anything, it only seemed to make him more relentless.

You look at his face briefly to see that you were right and sigh into your coffee cup as you take a sip.

“Don't look at me like that.”

“I can't appreciate you?”

“Not like that,” You reply with a glare. He was always doing stuff like this to test your boundaries, to see just how far he'd be able to push you.

“Oh please, I'm not the only man in the house that's been enjoying the view.”

“Yes, but only your father should be–”

“Oh, I'm not talking about my father.” Saxon cuts you off, and judging by his expression, you can tell whatever he’s thinking isn’t good.

What? You pause and try to think, if not Timothy, then who–?

“Lochlan?” You say in surprise, your eyes almost falling out of your skull, “Saxon, don't say shit like that.”

“Why not? Are you saying you hadn't noticed the way he looks at you?” Saxon says as if it's completely normal. He turns on his blender, and you contemplate.

Lochlan had been the kindest to you of the Ratliff siblings. He was the only one to truly welcome you to the family without any wary looks or ulterior motives. When you were worried, when you felt like an outsider looking in, Lochlan had been there, offering reassurance with an easy smile and a comforting presence. Lochlan was a good kid. The fact that he could even suggest something like that is disgusting to you.

“It’s going too far, drop it,” You declare firmly, your eyes meeting him for the first time this morning.

“Drop what?” Lochlan yawns as he steps into the kitchen with his messy bedhead. He scratches his head, curious to know the reason for all the tension and why you looked like you were seconds away from slapping Saxon across the face.

“Nothing important,” You blurt out hastily before walking off, leaving your coffee unfinished.

“Dude, what did you say?” Lochlan questions, his expression turning to one of concern. You and Saxon had your problems, but he’d never seen you react like that.

“I didn't say anything, she's just being a hardass like usual.” His brother replies with an air of nonchalance. Before Lochlan can investigate further, Saxon pours his ungodly protein shake into a glass and slides it to him.

“Drink up, bro.” And he does very reluctantly.

❀❀❀

“Are you not coming?” Timothy asks, pausing at the doorway.

“No, I don't feel well,” Lochlan replies sheepishly. He was pale and clammy, holding onto his stomach as if he were trying to steady himself.

“Should we send for someone, Timothy?” you ask, glancing at your husband with concern.

“No, no, I’ll be alright. I just need some sleep, I think,” Lochlan interrupts before his father can respond, offering a weak smile that does little to ease your worry.

Your eyes furrow, you hated to see Lochlan in distress. He looked nervous and pale, his usual easy demeanor replaced by something uneasy and guarded.

“Are you sure, Lochlan?” you press gently.

“Yes,” he insists, forcing a weak smile. “Go, enjoy dinner. I’ll be fine.”

You exchange a glance with Timothy, but ultimately, you nod.

“Alright,” Timothy concedes. “We’ll check on you when we return.”

As you leave, you can’t shake the feeling that something is off, but there’s no time to question it. So the rest of you leave for dinner.

Dinner, like everything else, was uncomfortable. Piper was tense and irritated, shooting pointed glares at Saxon for still having his phone at the table, while Saxon was too busy making eyes at the server to care.

“If they don’t want me to stare, then–” Saxon starts, a lazy smirk on his face.

“Saxon, don’t be disgusting,” Piper cuts in sharply, her tone dripping with disapproval.

Timothy sighs, rubbing his temples, and you wonder—not for the first time—why family dinners always felt like a battlefield.

“Don’t be so sensitive. It’s nature.”

“But that’s no excuse to act like an animal,” you say, your tone firm as you defend Piper. You can see the flicker of appreciation in her eyes, but Saxon isn’t letting up.

“Maybe,” he drawls, swirling his drink lazily. “But every once in a while, we have to let loose. Did you ever let loose? In college, maybe?”

His smirk is infuriating, his tone deliberately goading. You grip your fork tightly, willing yourself to stay composed.

“Saxon…” his father warns, his voice laced with exhaustion.

“I’m just trying to get to know my new stepmother better,” Saxon says, all feigned innocence. “If not college, how about before that? Or after? Surely there’s something interesting in your past, a few skeletons in your closet?”

You sigh, standing up from the table. You knew he wanted a reaction and you’d be damned if you gave it to him.

“Honey–” Timothy starts to say in an apologetic tone, but you stop him with a comforting pat on his shoulder.

“It’s okay. You’ll have to excuse me, I'm going to go check on Lochlan. Maybe get him some soup or something.”

You disappear from the table, but you can still feel Saxon’s eyes on you, like always.

❀❀❀

You enter the villa, kicking off your shoes and making a beeline to Lochlan’s room. You had stopped by the front desk and had them order some soup for him. You set the tray down carefully, placing it on the kitchen counter as you head into the hallway leading to his room.

You don’t bother turning on any lights, guided only by the soft glow of the moonlight drifting in through the windows. The quiet hum of the night surrounds you, only broken by faint sounds coming from Lochlan’s room. You begin to worry, scared that he was actually in more pain than he was letting on.

“F-fuck…” You hear Lochlan say from his room. You're about to enter when you see something you shouldn't see through his door that was left ajar. His hand was wrapped around his dick as he jerks off, his hips stuttering and twitching with each touch.

His face was contorted into one of desperation as he flicks his fingers over the head of his cock, using his precum as extra lube.

You’re about to turn away, completely mortified, when you notice something in his hand. Something white that he’s rubbing against.

Your heart sinks when you notice that it’s your white panties furled in his hand, and to make matters worse he says your name, his voice cracking midway through.

He puts it over the head of his cock and starts fisting his cock that much harder, his hips trembling.

You don’t know how to feel. Your sweet, innocent Lochlan was fantasising about you just like Saxon said. You didn’t want to believe it, but as you watch him lift your underwear to his face and breathe in your scent, you have to.

He moves his hand up and down his slick cock desperately while trying (and failing) to keep quiet. He falls back against the bed, lifting his hips to fuck his hand, the sound of his fist meeting his thrusts sounding obscene to you.

“You like that?” He breathes out, his eyes squeezed shut, his expression one of pure ecstasy. You could only imagine what he’s thinking, but it must be something special the way he says your name over and over again like a mantra.

“Need to fill your pussy up.”

Your heart was broken that he could be talking about you that way, but it also intrigued you.

He was talking so filthily about you, you had never seen this side of Lochlan. So free and overrun by feeling. He was always such a people pleaser, bending over backwards to make everyone comfortable. To hear him talk so explicitly about wanting you, about wanting to fill you up with his cum, had you feeling breathless.

He lets his hips fall to the bed, breathing heavily before turning over to grind into it. He places the soft fabric of your panties against his face again and moans in pure delight.

With each roll of his hips, you find it harder and harder to keep your composure. You watch as he works up a sweat all because of you, all because of his desire to have you. You can't help but imagine yourself underneath him, guiding his hips to you, encouraging him to fuck you harder.

“Need you so bad…”

He gasps and pulls his hand away for a moment before going back to stroking his shaft. From the way he was trembling, you wouldn’t be surprised if he started touching himself as soon as you guys had left and had been edging himself since.

“Wanna… get you pregnant.”

That definitely knocks all the air out of you.

You and Timothy had explicitly decided not to have kids. You didn’t want any children, and he didn’t want any more, but something about hearing it from Lochlan’s lips made you rethink your decision. His sincere, desperate plea and the way he sounded almost like he was on the verge of tears did something to you.

You see his hand start to move faster and his cock twitch in his hand and before you know it he climaxes, the spurts of his white cum landing on your panties.

He breathes heavily as he rides out his orgasm, cleaning himself up with your underwear afterward before tossing it aside.

You back away from the door, the shock of what you just witnessed starting to catch up with you. It had only just happened, but you were already thinking about it again. Flashes of Lochlan’s body appear to you like a flipbook. His perfect body, racked with desperation and desire for you. Each micro expression, from the quiver of his lip to the furrow of his brow...all for you.

You breathe in, and the shame you feel hits you like a semi truck. You just stood there and watched as Lochlan, your stepson, jerked off to you and you…enjoyed it. You were no better than Saxon, in fact, you were worse. Speaking of the devil, when you turned around, there he was. And from the smug look on his face, he saw everything too and saw your reaction to it. Wordlessly, you push past Saxon and out of the house, with no destination in mind. Just needing to erase what just happened from your head.

❀❀❀

You return later that night, long after dinner ended, and the walk you took didn’t do you much good. Timothy and Piper question where you went, with Piper complaining that I left her to fight against Saxon on her own. You smile at the fact that at least in one small way she considered you an ally, but the smile doesn’t quite reach your eyes, not like anyone noticed.

And you told a version of the truth of what you did after leaving dinner to Timothy, hoping that your internal dread didn’t show up on your face. Lochlan came out of his room, rubbing his eyes and running a hand through his dishevelled hair. You barely look at him, scared that the guilt might come out in your expression, that he’d see something you weren’t ready to explain.

“How are you feeling?” you ask, keeping your voice even, though your hands fidget at your sides. He takes notice of your slight nervousness but ignores it, thinking nothing of it.

“A lot better, thanks. I guess all I needed was a nap.”

He smiles innocently, and he looks so believable, like lying was second nature to him. It was hard to think of his smile in the same way after what you had seen. All you wanted was to go back to before dinner so you could look at that smile and feel nothing but warmth and closeness. Instead of shame, guilt and arousal.

You nod at him with a small smile before disappearing out of the room, much to Lochlan’s chagrin. His eyes fall on the counter and he sees a bowl of soup.

“What’s this?”

“Stepmother dearest said she’d drop off a soup for you earlier, didn’t you hear her come in?” Piper says.

Lochlan looks back at the soup on the kitchen counter, which had long since gone cold and with a distant expression says, “No…I didn’t.”

❀❀❀

Hours later, after everyone has gone to bed, you sit out by the pool on one of the lounge chairs, staring at the water as your thoughts swirl.

"Having fun?" a familiar and especially annoying voice says before settling down beside you. You don’t have to look to know it’s Saxon.

“Leave me alone.”

You felt sick to your stomach, thinking about Lochlan like that. You were supposed to be his new mother figure, but how were you supposed to do that when you knew how he really felt about you?

“Why would I do that?” Saxon says snapping you from your thoughts. His bullshit was the last thing you wanted to deal with after what just happened.

“After all the shit you gave me for bringing up Lochlan eyeing you up–”

“Saxon–” You try to interject, but he keeps talking, his voice laced with smug satisfaction.

“You watched as he came for you and from the look on your face…” he pauses to chuckle, “You liked it.”

A second wave of shame hits you, a tsunami of guilt and self-reproach, making you feel like the worst person on the planet.

“And you call me a degenerate.”

His fingers trace your lips, slow and deliberate, and you find yourself frozen in place. You don’t move or pull away. You just sit there, your breaths shallow, your heart hammering in your chest.

“You fight and go on and on about how this is wrong. But you want me too, don't you?” He asks, even though he already knows the answer.

You could admit, Saxon was handsome. You saw the way he'd charm the pants off anyone he wanted.

Even when you were just Timothy's secretary, you saw him flirting with girls at work, with no intention of having anything meaningful with them. Not to mention how he'd call you into his office just to flirt with you, and watch you squirm.

“Plus, I’m a little more age-appropriate.”

Again, where you would usually snap back and argue with him, the energy to fight is completely gone. He takes your silence as an answer and leans in to kiss you, and you don't stop him. You let him take you by the waist and pull you closer, his touch giving way to a dangerous feeling inside of you.

He spreads your legs and climbs between them, his knee resting against your sensitive spot, causing you to let out a little whine.

You pull back, suddenly remembering where you are, and anyone in the family could wake up and see you through the glass windows and doors.

“Out here? We can’t, someone might catch us,” you whisper at him, the shame creeping back up your spine.

“Who cares?” He huffs, his hands caressing your inner thighs.

“Saxon, no. What if Piper or your father or…?”

“Lochy?” Saxon murmurs against your ear, making you shiver at the feeling as well as the thought of Lochlan watching the two of you. “I think he’d enjoy it.”

Little did you know, your fears were already being realised. Lochlan had woken up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water when he saw the two of you. Curious, he went up to the window, and before he could go out, he saw Saxon pull you in and kiss you and how you did nothing to stop it. In fact, you kissed him back.

That’s all it took for him to get turned on, his dick pressing against the confines of his boxers begging to be released. Your whispered moans reach his ears only faintly through the window that was cracked open, but he wishes he could hear more.

He watches as Saxon pulls you to the edge of the pool chair and kiss his his way around your thighs, fondling your ass with his big hands.

And when he pulls off your shorts in one fell swoop, Lochlan loses any sense of self-control and reaches into his boxers, thrusting into his hand shakily. He swears he’s never been this horny in his entire life. And the way after a few strokes his cock is already twitching like he’s going to cum reflects that. He forces himself to slow down; the biting pain of edging himself again had him reeling. He had to drag this out as long as possible, he wouldn’t finish until you and Saxon did.

Back outside, Saxon looks up at you, and you’re waiting in anticipation for him to make the first move.

Your heart almost leaps out of your chest as you watch him get on his knees for you, his hands caressing the obvious wet spot on your underwear.

You feel embarrassed that after months of saying no that he finally wore you down, that he won. But once you feel his tongue glide over your sensitive spot through the lacy material of your panties, you feel like it was worth it.

He doesn’t waste time and pulls you to him, pushing aside the fabric with his teeth.

You watch his back muscles ripple when he grips onto your hips, moving you back and forth to make you ride his nose. The rough treatment, puts you on a whole new plane of existence, as he laps up at your folds while his nose grinds against your clit.

You had heard stories about Saxon in bed around the office but you never thought he’d be this damn good at it. He continues ravaging you as your back arches up from the pool chair, your toes curling in pure pleasure.

Much to your disappointment, he pulls away, and you miss his touch as soon as he does. The way he was looking up at you, his face covered in your wet slick, had you wanting to finish right there on the spot.

“Ready?”

You weren’t sure if you were, but you nodded regardless. He sheds himself of his boxers and places them next to him as you look on in awe at his package. The expression on your face gives him an ego boost (not like he needed one) and he works over his cock a few more times before placing his hips between yours.

He looks up and at that moment sees Lochlan staring at the pair of them, but neither of them stop what they’re doing. Some sick part of them is urged to keep going, especially because they’re watching each other. Lochlan wants to see Saxon ruin you, and Saxon wants Lochlan to see him ruin you. And so like a good brother, he makes sure not to take your underwear off and instead pushes them to the side again as he fucks into your wet hole, he might even swipe them for Lochy later.

“I’m gonna breed that slutty little hole of yours, understood?” He purrs against your skin as he leans back down towards you.

The implication that he’s trying to get you pregnant hits you hard again. The way he said it makes you feel reckless and dirty. He then holds onto your waist, starting to use you like a fleshlight as he pulls you down onto him.

“I asked a question.”

“S-sorry, I understand,” You stutter out as you bite back the moans, threatening to leave your lips.

You were so far from being in control, despite your new role as matriarch of the family. Saxon destroyed all that, he made it exceptionally clear who was really in control tonight. But more than that wanted him to tell you what to do; you needed his control.

The sensations rising within you become too much, so you bite your hand trying to stop your moans from getting out. Saxon sees this and, without missing a beat, pulls away your hand and shoves his boxers in your mouth to replace them.

The fact that he had been wearing them all day, the way his salty taste of his precum that had leaked into it, and how the smell of him still lingered all worked together to turn you on that much more. You kind of understood why Lochlan did what he did.

Suddenly, he lifts your shirt and bra, sucking on your hard nipples and you squeal, the makeshift gag in your mouth doing little to hide it. But even then, Saxon doesn't stop; as you fight to keep yourself under control, he revels in being able to make you lose it.

It only takes a few more well-placed thrusts and his other hand rolling his nipple between his fingers to make you come. Your whole body shaking as you hold back the scream of pleasure you want oh-so badly to let out. Saxon’s orgasm follows not too shortly after yours, his moan coming out right against your ear as you feel his load fill you up. Your legs shaking as you wrap them around his waist to feel him that much deeper inside of you.

Inside the house, unbeknownst to you, Lochlan also finishes pretending that it was him cumming inside you and not Saxon or if he was really being honest with himself, him cumming alongside Saxon. He comes down from his high, making sure to milk every last bit of his orgasm before going back to bed with his cum-stained boxers, sure that he’ll be thinking about what he saw in the morning. As for you and Saxon, he heads in first, giving your head a condescending pat as he leaves you on the pool chair completely and utterly wrecked.

You go to bed after cleaning up a little and relax into the sheets. Timothy reaches out immediately and holds you and whispering sweet nothings into your ear. It feels good, feels right. But a part of you is still thinking about the brothers. The fact that Saxon’s cum is still inside you and the fact that somewhere in this villa are your panties stained with Lochlan’s.

That’s the sort of thing that keeps you up all night for all the wrong reasons.

Masterlist

#the white lotus #lochlan ratliff #saxon ratliff #the white lotus fanfic #the white lotus s3 #lochlan ratliff x reader #saxon ratliff x reader #saxloch #saxon x lochlan #x reader #smut

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daisiescomelate · 4 months ago

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Shiny trinkets

Prompt: Recently, everytime Sylus gets a new loot and he sees something he finds pretty or interesting in it he takes it with him to gift it to you.

Content: Love & Deepspace, Sylus/Reader.

masterlist

It was close to eleven at night and you were getting ready to go to bed. The day had been busy and your skin still buzzed with the adrenaline of being assigned to take care of a crescent threat in the N102 Zone. You were ready for a good night of sleep when you heard the sound of someone knocking at your door.

You were tired and confused, wondering who it might be that came to knock so late at night. Dragging your feet across the living room, you half cursed under your breath to the person that might be at the other side, wondering what it could be that couldn't wait until the following morning.

You opened the door with a click, rubbing the sleep out of one of your eyes with your free hand. The chest of someone came right into view dressed in a dark shirt and a black leather jacket. You tilted your head upwards and it wasn't until then that your brain –slow as it was after a day like that– finally came to recognize the person in front of you.

“Hello, kitten.”

You stood there silently for a second, your neurons trying to light up some reaction.

“Sylus, what are you–?”

He lifted something so it would be at the height of your nose before you could complete your question.

“I came bearing gifts.” He said, and his motion made you take a step back into the apartment out of instinct to avoid a hit to the face. Sylus took advantage of it and gave a step in, letting himself right through the door into your living room.

He closed the door behind himself and put in his signature smirk when he saw you frown. His eyes lit up with mischief then, but whatever he might have been about to say or do he seemed to might have thought about it better because that light flew away.

“What,” you said pointedly while moving the box he had lifted away from your face, “are you doing here? It's too late for games, I'm tired.”

“Sorry to bother you, kitten. But you know how I work odd hours, and I have been waiting for the opportunity to bring this to you.”

He motioned to the box, shaking it slightly. It made a tinkling sound and you looked at it with suspicion. Sylus let out a puff of air, laughing shortly at your expression.

“It's nothing to be worried about, just some tokens of my appreciation.” With that he moved further into the house, walking to stay at the side of the dinning table, carefully placing the box over the tablecloth.

He opened the lid and left it to the side. You looked at every one of his movements with growing curiosity and he seemed to notice. He put his slender fingers into the box, almost playfully slow and smiled at the way you slowly bent closer to be able to look from your place next to the door.

He moved around the things inside, then decided for one and pulled it out, holding the object between two of his fingers. You choked.

In his hands he carried what seemed to be a pearl necklace that shined pink and blue to the lights of the apartment.

“Is that—?”

“My most recent loot,” he said, a knowing smile on his face.

“Your most recent–”, you greeted your teeth and counted to ten a few times, then, you tried again. “How many times I must tell you not to bring your stolen items to me?”

“Don’t worry about the last owner, they probably stole it from someone else. So take it with a clean conscience.” He said with his hand inside the box, once again reaching out for another piece of jewelry.

“Sylus!” You said, stepping on firmly against the floor as a sign for your resolution, “You can’t keep doing this. The association is actively looking for this kind of stuff and they end up laying in a drawer in my apartment!”

Sylus had his sight focus in the items inside the box. He seemed to be particularly looking for something. Without taking his eyes away from the gemstones and pearls, he answered you,

“I know it probably makes you nervous, but you have to understand,” he seemed to have found what he was looking for, something shiny and small he flicked in the air with his thumb, “I couldn’t stop imagining how lovely all of this would look on you.”

“You keep making excuses for yourself.” You said crossing your arms. To show doubt was to lose when it came to Sylus.

“If you think I’m lying, look.” He flickered his thumb one more time and between his fingers there was a flash of gold. He reached out with his other hand, and softly pulled one of your hands from your chest. He cared for your knuckles with his thumb, slowly pulling your hand upwards to plat a kiss over the bruised skin from battle.

“This type of thing, so masterfully crafted, belongs with you,” he said, moving his other hand over yours. There was the feeling of something small and cold wrapping around one of your fingers. When he let go, you saw the golden band of a ring on your fourth finger decorated with emerald and diamonds. “See? It fits perfectly.”

You suddenly felt the rush of blood over your cheeks and stuttered at the sight of it. “I– I–” You couldn’t bring yourself to form a coherent sentence.

“You think the same as I do, don’t you?” He laughed, “But in case these are still not to your liking, I should be able to bring some more to you next time too.”

#lads sylus #love and deepspace sylus #sylus #lnds sylus #l&ds sylus #qin che #sylus love and deepspace #sylus qin #sylus x reader #sylus x mc

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dropsnectar · 8 months ago

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Bee-men Stuff

Hi Everyone! So I've been getting alot of attention for the bee content I was making! I just want to thank you all for reading! However, it looks like my fanfic might have made the original author uncomfortable, so I was thinking of just making my own universe for bee monsters and other things! If I'm honest, i’m more into world building, and fluffy stuff anyway. So, if I do write anymore stuff, just assume its this new universe! Here are some thoughts I've been having!

Bees have long had spiritual associations with life and even being messengers to the gods. Because of this, you will find that most Bee-man have a grasp on certain magics, especially when it comes to making honey. This universe is set in a world where monsters are the norm, and often live in colonies in forests or their natural habitats. Humans can be found anywhere as we are a pretty sturdy species and there is often mingling of the species. While there are mostly human cities, there are some that are filled with monsters or other humanoidish creatures.

Bee-men are pretty rare, as insect monsters usually have to be imbued with sturdy magics to survive out in the wild and upkeep their large physical forms. Its how they are able to fly and be light, while also having some strength!

Bee-men are kind of seen as an endangered species by other beings, due to their rare essence, so there is rarely an overlap of territory between monsters. This also has to do with their honey making skills.

Bee-men are very good at making honey, and do so in a similar way to normal bees. Their territory is often filled with huge flowers, often magical ones that like to travel about. This is how they evolved some of their magics. Their song, difficult to hear for most humans, has been known to calm the rogue nomadic flower into compliance.

Bee-men are also known to keep normal bees! They often mix their own honey with theirs to form certain concoctions, or just food variety for daily life. Bee-men love sweet things, though cane sugar itself has been known to give them indigestion. Give your local Bee-man jams, or fruit tarts and he will be so happy!

Honey has also been associated with mead, an alcoholic wine made from honey. Irl bees are very stern about drunk bees entering the hives, and contaminating their own honeystores. They've even been known to tear limbs off! But Bee-men have a sort of complicated history with alcohol. In old times, when Bee-men didn't have to worry about their numbers, their would be long, three day festivals, usually on the Queens birthday, where all bees of every class would take shifts working or partying it up on their special mead with their Queen. Their meads natural magical properties also help the drinkers with better speech(Think Kvasir of norse mythology), where Bee-men would take turns telling their Queen and the crowd stories, or share in musical song. There have been times in the past where other beings have broken into the hive to procure this magical mead, in hopes of hitting it rich. For this reason, many hives don't make much mead anymore.

Much like normal bees, Queens are usually made within the hive by feeding an egg Royal Jelly. However, the hive that I will be focusing on has had issues being able to secrete Royal Jelly, as they have been so long without a proper Queen.

The hive has been able to survive due to surviving off of human product, since honeystores have been low lately, but this has weakened the hive considerably.

Hives are able to take a human queen only if they have the proper pheromone type to interact with the hive. Bees communicate through pheromones, which is why Bees are often covered in a lovely lemony scent. Thats there pheromones and them talking to each other!

Bee-men in the hive are constantly aware of each others emotions, and it is not uncommon for them to be able to use their magic to sooth each other. Their pheromones can make eachother(and humans!) Very calm and relaxed(Or excited… we will get to that later:)). If a Bee-man is around a human long enough that he is acquainted with most of the behavior of your pheromones, he can somewhat talk with you telepathically! Although the most this can do is share emotions, and occasionally images. This isn't very efficient, so many bee-men have learned how to speak human language.

Bee-men actually have a really interesting origin! Like how I mentioned before about Bees being messengers of the Gods, their was one who loved bees so much he fell in love with one. He gave it human form and their children became Bee-men, hence their innate magical abilities and somewhat humanoid appearance.

Bee appearances can vary alot! A bees appearance can often effect their skill, and a lot of worker bees or drones share similar features. They have human like faces and are covered in fuzz! Some have several sets of arms, and all have long wings. They can get mistaken for fae sometimes, but the yellow and black fuzz gives it away. Also, their skin has varying textures per where you touch them, some parts are hardened, while things like their inner arms and palms feel more like skin.

Bee-men tend to stay together but there are times that bee-men will leave the hive willingly, or be exiled. In this case it is very important they find a mate or family unit. Much like bunnies, they die easily of broken hearts, and need to have their daily cuddle sessions! They also need to share their pheromones, so it is more often that they create mate bonds with humans. This can be difficult for our little bees, because very few humans are compatible with their type of magic. Its even harder to find a human who is compatible to be a queen.

Thats it for now! I might make a post about their hierarchy and some more stuff. Anywho, if you want more bee media(more smut focused), go ahead and check out @bunnis-monsters ! Also, again I am creating a wider universe of monster and magic stuff through here so if you have any questions, i'm open to it!

#bee monster #bee monsters #bee hybrid #bee-men #monsters #monster fucker #monster lover #monster lovers #terat0philliac #teratophillia

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hauntedhokage · 4 months ago

Text

Leaving anonymous love notes for you to find + Sae Itoshi from Silver's prompt list

You left the door to your office unlocked, since as the team's social media manager you didn't really have anything confidential to lock up, but you think that was about to change. For the last week you'd come in to find some note left somewhere on your desk for you to find, each one containing a sweet message - but not knowing who they came from made you a bit uncomfortable.

The first just telling you that you looked beautiful the day before.

The second a note that you always looked beautiful, but he loved how you looked in the team's jersey.

The third a reminder to stay hydrated, left with a couple bottles of your favorite brand of water (you didn't even know how anyone knew something like that)

The fourth, fifth, and sixth also came with gifts. A couple small boxes of snacks and a little plaque that said 'best instagram photographer', both making you a bit emotional at how much this guy thought about you.

Today's message was left on a sticky note stuck to your monitor, wishing that they could ask you out on a date but fearing that their reputation would have you declining to protect yourself from that reputation. The handwriting is neat, font small to ensure it would fit on the sticky note, and you tuck it away in a folder that had the other seven. The handwriting was consistent, and the words felt much too genuine for it to be the team messing with you because they thought they were funny.

But you do watch them all closely throughout the day, getting to mess with them during their practices and team meetings giving you the opportunity for closer interactions that you used to gauge whether they were acting differently towards you. Unfortunately the only thing out of place was the fact that Sae actually stopped to entertain the meme you were recording content for.

"Why do you have this picture?"

"I'm trying to get your autograph." Your response gets a snort from the midfielder, but he accepts your sharpie and takes the picture from your hands. It's old, Sae had to have been around five or six kicking around a soccer ball. "Your mom was excited to send it to me. Think I might frame it."

His reaction wasn't as outwardly amused or embarrassed as the other guys you'd ambushed that day, but the fact that you'd gotten any reaction from him at all made your day. He was cute when he smiled, you wished you could see more of that from him.

"I'll see you later, I'm sure," he states, handing the picture back to you before adjusting his bag on his shoulder. "I'm looking forward to it."

"Yeah," you murmur, watching in surprise as he walks away from you to get to the locker room.

You end up working late, usually being out of the stadium before the team finished their practice, but you wanted to get your next few videos edited so you could relax and respond to funny comments for the rest of the week. It takes you some deliberation, but you do decide to lock your office to see what your admirer would do next without being able to steal your stationery.

Sae is coming down the hall when you leave, something that wasn't surprising since he was notorious for practicing later than the rest of the team. Most of the team had popped in to say goodnight, a couple asking if you needed someone to hang out and make sure you made it home, and you happily wave them off with a promise to see them in the morning. But not Sae, and that was because he was leaving now. There's a paper in his hand, and he looks surprised to see you leaving as he approached.

"You're still here?"

"Yeah," you say with a shrug, turning the key to lock the door and meeting his gaze to see the obvious question. "Someone is using my papers and stuff to leave me love notes, I don't hate it but I'm trying to get them to reveal themselves."

You just aren't ready to get your answer when Sae takes the paper in his hand and slides it under your door. He doesn't say anything, just tilts his head in a silent invitation that you can't help but accept. He was so weird, but you were into it.

"Does this mean I can get you on a livestream?"

"Don't push it."

#bllk x reader #itoshi sae x reader #sae itoshi x reader #itoshi sae x you #itoshi sae x y/n #sae itoshi x y/n #sae ithoshi x you #bllk x you #bllk x y/n #bllk imagines #bllk fics #sae itoshi fics

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autumnbrambleagain · 4 months ago

Note

Favourite caves of qud mods? I wanna dive in and fully mod my game

I don't have the energy to turn these into hyperlinks so you have to do the work of typing these names into the workshop and finding them, I apologize that I am not apologizing.

Hearthpyre and the Clever Girl Fork are obvious necessities. Starapple Valley and Regrowing Plants and Qud Fishing is on that list too for being able to make your own imprint on the world. With how the uh, story's themes go, I am even more feeling validated in my decision to spend most of the game building bases and farming and stuff.

Dynamic Background Color because I don't even remember what the game looks like without it anymore. I think I use the More Dots mod too.

Allography lets you add descriptions to things, including yourself, which is great.

1 Percent Loot Drops adds a ton of neat, very balanced items.

Cleaning Robots lets you have robots that clean fluids and I honestly just wish one in on EVERY settlement so they don't become giant messes after one visit. Indispensable mod.

Choose Your Fighter is good if you aren't a lunatic like me who just makes your own phenotypes and sprites and pets and dialogue for every character you play.

Jademouth is what I would argue to be the best, most diegetically natural town mod in the game. It adds very little to the world outside of itself, and adds a very much needed mid-game town with a fun quest and good characters. None of the writing feels out of place, it doesn't add encounters all over the map, it keeps to its own lane and does an great job of it.

Cryptogeology is an incredibly good quest which helps guide you to each town in the game naturally, has a ton of flavor, and a really decent reward. It feels like a natural part of the game.

Tealeaves adds a much-needed merchant to the Six Day Stilt who is also very well written and lets you get a chance at Newly Sentient Beings rep.

Issachari Evolved adds much needed variety to that faction.

Nightmare Treats gives you a lot more ways to reroll mutations, AND ways to gain mental stats. Eat them. It's safe. Nothing bad will happen.

Wired Child is a fun mid-late stage quest in Ezra that gets you a VERY nice weapon if you can manage it.

Return of the Arcwyrk. You need more enemies in your life. zzzap.

Knife Fights at Eddy's is mandatory, I'm sorry I don't make the rules.

A Specter is Haunting Qud adds some VERY nasty enemies and you deserve to be killed by them. Things should be scarier. Get scared. Basically Templar Hologram Wraith Knights but they're Eater ghosts. Fucked up! I won't tell you how to beat them figure it out yourself.

Village Finder because I hate the "go to each parasang and press + and then -" when looking for villages. Am I that dumb my character can't notice villages when walking through them.

Folk Scrap and Mundanity. Mandatory. Very flavorful.

Baboons of Babel adds much needed variety to baboon faction.

Judicators of Qud add a fun neat challenging robot who is kind of like if a leering stalker and a feral lah had a baby that wasn't the sum of its parts but something all its own.

Disjecta Membra's lore feels a little out of sync with 1.0, and it makes the game a giant mess. So basically, enemies can be infected, and when they die things get Interesting. It can cause huge problems and it's a fucking mess. It can make Call to Arms an unworkable disaster and Templar historical sites become unmanageable. I love it. I cannot play without it. It makes the game so much more challenging and stressful, especially in the early/midgame. The writing is fucking incredible even if its flavor doesn't line up exactly right anymore. Do not do this on your first playthrough but after your first playthrough install this and suffer with me forever. This might be my favorite new-content mod tbh.

Your Own Personal Relics is a neat adjustment to the Item Naming system which honestly I just wish-name things when I mod them to max anyway but it's neat.

Feline's Furnishings are good tiles.

Fluid Storage is great and the Klein Bottles are fantastic and putting 500 drams in their weightless moebius will never go wrong for you ever.

I think that should do you with the unimax's share of the mods I use!

Sidenote, Eule does a lot of mods that are Very Cool but also last time I used them they had a problem of all of them would spawn things in the jungle, so with all of them active every jungle screen would have like, their populations taken over by all the Argent Somethingorother and the Unseen Adversaries and the Arboreta Guys. None of them work with 1.0 anyway I don't think, and the mods ARE very high quality! But their spawn rates were extremely overpowering to the point where the jungle was basically just entirely made of those 3 factions and it was a Bit Much.

I'm also about to try out the Labyrinthine Trail and Xeototin Mechanical Somethingorother for the first time but I haven't done them yet so i have no comment.

Also Facial Equipment Diversity is neat too.

#caves of qud

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todomochi-uwu · 1 year ago

Text

Who (6/?) J. Y & S. M

Pairing: Poly! Jeong Yunho x reader x Song Mingi

Genre: Angst, Smut

Warnings: This content is for a mature audience

Synopsis: You can't remember when was the last time you spent time with them, the last "I love you", the last time any of them kissed you.

Author's notes: It's been such a long time, and I'm sorry for that. Life hasn't been quite easy, but as an apology here's some smut. Hope you enjoy.

Other chapters: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

If you enjoy my work, please consider buying me a coffee ☕

It had been a couple of weeks since that night, and getting used to being back wasn’t quite as easy as you thought it would be. At first feeling like a stranger to the place you had once called home, and while your lovers may try to help with that, you fear they may seem to be overcompensating a bit.

You woke up because of the ungodly amount of sound that came from the kitchen.

“Yunho?” Your eyes could barely focus on the things in front of you, besides, what the hell was he doing at home at this hour? Wiping the floor?

“Good morning, my love.” He sighed and got up, “I’m sorry did I wake you up? I dropped some pans and spilt milk. I’m sorry I’m a bit of a mess right now.” He kissed your forehead before going back to cooking, “I’m making breakfast, are pancakes, okay? We also have cereal, or I can make you some eggs or…”

“Pancakes are okay, but what are you doing here so late in the morning? Shouldn’t you be at the hospital?” You took a seat on the kitchen bar.

“I’m taking some time off, they asked me to. Just to get my head back on my shoulders.” He flipped a pancake, “Mingi will be back in a second he went to get some orange juice, we ran out yesterday and we know how much you like it and…” He kept on going, but you couldn’t make sense of what he was saying.

You looked at him without saying anything. His hands trembled with every move he made; he kept on rambling, not stopping to take a breath, afraid to let any uncomfortable silences come through. He couldn’t stay put, moving things around, not able to focus on one thing.

Mingi came through the door. His hands were full of grocery bags that threatened to snap and spill what was inside of them. “I’m back!” He set everything on the countertop, bags of snacks spilling out, hygiene products you were missing, and a bunch of things you don’t even remember mentioning you needed. “I bought everything you ask for, my love.”

“Mingi, you didn’t have to buy this all at once. I have most of this stuff back at my place.”

“Oh well, now you have them here.”

After everything that you had gone through you felt like you needed a bit of time alone, to take a step back and process. Having to come to terms with the idea of being single, actually trying to move on, Bang Chan, the club, Yunho and Mingi. All that in such a short period was messing with your head. But your lovers seemed to differ.

“Babe, I will come back earlier from work to take you on a date, okay?”

“Mingi, we went out yesterday, I’m sure Jongho needs your help back at the office.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll take care of everything.”

Yunho wasn’t any different.

“My love, how about we go for a walk? Or would you rather watch a movie? We can go for some ice cream.”

“Yun, don’t you have to study? I saw your calendar and you have an upcoming test.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll figure it out.”

You missed them, and not having them around had been a nightmare, but this might be over the top. Not neglecting you didn’t have to mean neglecting everything else. So, a list of all the things you had to do began to form in the back of your head.

First, figure out a way to tell them (in a way that won’t destroy Mingi) that you need some space to understand what’s going on in your head and heart. Second, get some actual work done; bills still need to get paid. Third and last of all (and the one you have been dreading the most) talk to Chan. You weren’t even sure if he would be willing to. Jisung said he hasn’t seen him come out of his apartment, and he doesn’t even answer the door; every single time Minho tried contacting him it goes straight to voice mail. Your friend assures you he only needs a bit of time, but you are not quite sure, this might be it for your friendship, and you won’t lie, it breaks your heart.

____________________________________________

Going back to the first task. You rehearsed over and over again the things you want to say, in your head and front of the mirror, it makes you cringe, but it’s better than to see Mingi drown in tears and sobs.

“I appreciate all the effort you are putting in, but that doesn’t mean you have to neglect everything else in your life...”

“We have to learn how to balance work, our individuality and this relationship...”

“All this will take time, trust is gained slowly, and I’m sure…”

And you swore those would be the words that would come out of your mouth the second dinner was over. It wasn’t easy to explain how you ended up in this position…

Mingi between your legs, lapping at your pussy like a starved man, his mouth alternating between your entrance and your clit, not knowing which one to pleasure first. Meanwhile, Yunho was sucking at your neck, leaving bruises all over the sensitive skin; his fingers pinched and pulled on your nipples, and the sins that came out of his mouth made you tremble.

“Haven’t you missed this, my love?” He said pulling on your earlobe, “Have you missed Mingi eating your sweet, little cunt, mm?”

Mingi let your skin go with a pop, before pushing two of his long, thick fingers inside you without warning, finding a rhythm immediately, kitten licking your clit at the same time.

You couldn’t form any coherent thoughts; pleasure had completely taken over your brain; you could only feel the warmth of Mingi’s tongue and Yunho’s hard cock on your back.

“Please, please, please.” You didn’t even know what you were begging for.

“What do you need, baby? Tell us and we’ll give it to you.”

“I need you.” You whimpered.

“But baby, you have us.” Fucking Yunho, always a tease.

“Please, please Yuyu.”

“You need to tell me, love.”

Mingi’s mouth abandoned your core, leaving you aching and in need of more. “Come on, baby. You have to tell us what you want.” He urged, mocking you. “Use your words.” His fingers kept you on the edge, but not giving you any more.

Your mind is clouded by the overwhelming sensations coursing through your body. "I need..." you began, your voice barely above a whisper, "...both of you."

Yunho's fingers continued their torturous assault on your sensitive buds, while his teeth nipped your skin, "And you will have us."

Mingi resumed his ministrations with renewed fervour. His fingers delved deeper, stroking that sweet spot inside you that sent sparks of pleasure shooting through your veins, while his tongue resumed its teasing assault on your throbbing clit.

“I need to cum, please.”

"Then cum, my love, cum for us.”

With a strangled cry, you let yourself go, surrendering yourself to the overwhelming sea of sensations your lovers were providing. Heavy breaths escaped your chest, a constant ring in your ears, you could barely tell where you were, but one thing was clear, your lovers were not done with you.

You could feel them moving around you. This time Mingi was the one behind you, holding your knees against your chest, placing small kisses and whispering sweet nothings in your ear, his hands massaged your thighs gently.

“You did so good for us, sweetheart.” His fingers traced patterns in your bruised skin.

The familiar sound of the lubricant’s cap opening made you whimper; you had been conditioned to know what would happen next. Yunho and Mingi would always make sure to prepare you to take them, making you cum a couple of times before even trying anything, but tonight you just couldn’t wait, and neither could they.

“Are you ready, my love?” Yunho’s words made you tremble. You felt both their tips in your entrance, ready to claim you at the same time. Mingi kept his hands on your hips while the man in front of you caressed your legs, waiting for your permission to go on. Both of them slightly shaking with excitement and desperation.

“Yes.”

The sensation of being filled by them was overwhelming, but made you feel complete, whole, something you hadn’t felt in a long time. Their movements were slow and hesitant, not wanting to hurt you. Mingi’s moans and whines filled your ears, his hands pinched your skin and his head was thrown back in ecstasy.

“Oh my god, yes, god yes!” He wasn’t concerned by the sounds that left his mouth, too busy enjoying the feeling of your warmth enveloping him.

Yunho wasn’t doing any better, groans constantly leaving his mouth, driving himself deeper inch by inch. His eyebrows furrowed and mouth slightly opened, his eyes could only focus on the place where your bodies met and became one. The image of his and Mingi’s cock splitting you open wasn’t new, but goddamn was it the most erotic thing he had ever seen.

You closed your eyes, trying to control yourself. Pain and pleasure danced inside you, intertwining themselves and covering your entire being. Each thrust consumed you entirely, making your moans turn into screams, you could feel yourself teetering over the edge. The blonde´s fingers pushed on the small bud of nerves at your core making tears spill out of your eyes, while Yunho’s lips sucked your nipples raw.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He moaned, his hips never relenting their hellish pace. And a single moment of clarity, his eyes met Mingi’s. The same look of need and lust covered his face, red cheeks and dazed eyes, cries escaping his mouth, a small I love you between them. With what little sanity he had left, he took the younger man’s head and pushed their heads in a kiss. their teeth clashing and tongues sucking on each other in ardour, both of them moaning because of the new stimulation.

“I’m going to cum!” You cried. An explosion of pleasure filled your system, as your body convulsed in ecstasy, making you almost pass out. Yunho and Mingi couldn’t hold back any longer, the tight knot snapped, joining you and spilling their seed inside you. Their essence and yours running down your thighs, ending up in the couch’s leather.

The three of you lay breathless, boneless, but complete. You had for once and for all found your way back to each other, and after what felt like an eternity, everything felt right.

____________________________________________

Taglist:

@tunaasan @scuzmunkie @jeongwangjessmina @certifiedmoa @tenebrisirae @ddaeing @bratty-tingz @myshadowsbackstage @berryfiavoured @jkookiejiminlvr @yunsara @soobiverse @kyeos4ng @asjkdk @popcatx0 @yunho-leeknow @escape-from-realitys-stuff @thedistractedwriter @vsereniasstuff @sundayysunshine @queen-thiccness @toomuchtellyneck @daemon-bunny @hyuk4ngel @rxnexxi @daemon-bunny @toomuchtellyneck @queen-thiccness @queen-beanzzz @faesmingi @imcoenffl @fandom-freak-geek @sunnyhokyu @icouldntcareless22 @idfkeddieishot @wisejudgedragonhairdo @mellikestoread @harriy3nko @yvnhoos @shnstarlight @realviviboss @yeosangiess @astro-doll-the-star @smilefordongil

#ateez #ateez angst #ateez smut #ateez x reader #jeong yunho #mingi angst #mingi smut #yunho x reader #yunho angst #yunho smut #song mingi #ateez mingi #mingi x reader #ateez yunho #ateez fanfic #ateez imagines #ateez fic #ateez yungi #todomochi writes

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roseykat · 2 years ago

Text

KINKTOBER DAY 2 - CHANGBIN

Title: These hands were made for you

PAIRING: Changbin x reader

SUMMARY: Changbin agrees for you to give him a massage to relieve some of his back pain, but isn’t prepared for the physical reaction he has to your touch. For context, the reader is part of the management team!

WARNING: minors DNI with this post or my blog. I create NSFW SKZ related content and I know I won't be able to regulate/monitor every single potential interaction with these posts so please do not engage with my work and page whatsoever.

TAGS: hands-free orgasm, massages, swearing, hint of body worshipping if you squint.

KINK: erotic massage

KINKTOBER - MASTERLIST

Thinking Changbin was awake happened to be a mistaken thought, especially after you had been standing at the door of his hotel room for the past few minutes, knocking at it. Even calling and texting him didn’t help. In saying that, it was late and you had to give him the benefit of the doubt; he had played a show not too long ago, had been complaining of muscle pain, and was most likely really tired.

But so were you.

Having waited over an hour at the airport trying to track some of Changbin’s lost luggage during their performance. A while after that, both of his items had been located and it was your task to return them to him.

For a few spare seconds, you thought it would be wise to just wait until the morning since you were convinced that he was asleep. But it wasn’t until you heard some rustling and footsteps behind the door right before it opened.

“Oh,” Changbin rubs his drowsy eyes. “Sorry, I swear I was up and then I closed my eyes and drifted off.”

It was easy to tell by his bed hair, the way that his natural curls were starting to peek through, “no it’s okay, you must be tired.”

“You have no idea,” he replies and looks at both bags of his luggage that you had been rolling with you since you got back. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! Where were they?”

He takes one off of you while you roll the other one into his room, “they were at a different luggage pick-up. But we already rang the airport to say that they were missing and then it took them an hour to track them. Anyway, did you go to see the physio in the meantime?"

About a few hours ago after the concert had finished, Changbin was complaining about how sore he was after the gym. It’s common for him to feel that way since he practically lives in that space. Only this time around, he might’ve pushed himself a bit too hard - that and during the concert.

“Nah,” he brushes it off as the door closes behind you both. “I can’t see any of them until tomorrow.”

“Do you think you’re injured maybe?” You ask concernedly.

Changbin huffs, “I’m not injured! I’m only sore and my muscles hurt like hell. Plus I always warmup and cool down properly.”

“Okay then, where are you sore?” You question again.

“Mainly my back,” he answers and goes to sit down on the edge of the bed.

“Upper or lower?”

“My upper,” Changbin confirms and tilts his head, looking at you. “I didn’t realise you were so concerned about me.”

Your eyes narrow at him, “not in the way that you might think.”

“Sure, sure,” he chuckles lightheartedly. “Anyway, if you’re going to ask me so many questions about my injury, you wouldn’t happen to be a physiotherapist right?”

“So you are injured.”

“That’s not what I meant,” he corrects. “I'm just sore, and I need a good night's sleep.”

“Well, if you want me to I suppose,” you say, ignoring his tone of voice.

“Wait...” He asks in disbelief. “Really?”

“I did a year in physio at college so I know a few things,” you answer, placing your own bag on the lowered counter where luggage is usually stored in the room. “I’m not a licensed one though.”

Changbin ponders; he has no way of getting in to see their physio at this point in time. Even just a massage would be some relief to him.

Whilst you aren’t professional in either of those fields, you didn’t study it for nothing. You know the functions of the body and muscles inside out. You know what happens to them when they’re under stress, torn, or strained. But also the remedies which can help repair them.

“Okay then, if you’re able to,” Changbin agrees. “Where do you want me?”

“The bed, so take your shirt off and lie on your stomach,” you instruct.

Changbin side-eyes you, “a date would be nice first,” he says even though he’s taking his shirt off in a rush.

You roll your eyes and take a small kit out of your bag. It’s stocked with the essentials; plasters, KT tape, scissors, cold spray - usually for Minho if his shoulder is playing up - nail clippers, all of which you have just in case.

These boys are constantly on the go and are prone to getting injured. So even though it’s not your job, you still keep things handy when there aren’t any left. But also because they end up asking you anyway whenever you're around. Spontaneous massages aren’t on that list though, but there's always a first for everything.

By that point, Changbin had stripped himself of his t-shirt, placed it to his side and lay face down on the bed. There were a couple of silent seconds of you preparing what you needed but also admiring Changbin’s body.

His back and shoulders are broad but especially taut, you’ve seen them before when he walks around the dressing room with his top half stripped of any fabric. But you’ve never seen nor felt it - not that you would in that type of way.

In saying that, you start by taking the small tub of deep heat, unscrewing the cap, and scooping some of the product onto your hand and setting the tub aside. Your first point of contact with Changbin’s back makes him jolt.

“Sorry,” he mutters, turning his head on the pillow.

“It’s fine. I’m gonna start now okay?”

“Got it,” he says.

You dollop a little bit more of the deep heat onto Changbin before spreading it and working it in until his skin absorbs it. He’s smooth to the touch. Your hands glide over every glorious muscle.

It doesn’t really sink in that you’re doing this until Changbin hums, sounding like he’s in relief. Within a few moments, he feels like his back is pressed up against a heater. His skin is hot and burning slightly, but that’s the whole purpose of the deep heat. It’s to soften the bunched muscles in his back, making it easier to knead and roll them out like dough.

However, given the state this part of his body is in, you can already make an observation on how tense his muscles are under your hands.

“You’re tight,” you feel as he rubs into a spot just above his right shoulder blade. “When did you say was the last time you went to physio?”

Changbin’s face flushes, he can feel the heat rising to his cheeks as if you put the deep heat on his face.

“I-I didn’t,” he responds, trying to relax. “But I haven’t been at all so far.”

You pause, “we have three physios and a sports massage therapist for a reason. You can’t tell me that you haven’t been to see one of them so far.”

“Some of the others are seeing them shortly and I didn’t wanna wait that long,” he argues. You use the thumb and the pad of your index finger to dig and narrowly drag down Changbin’s spine, making him contort to the left slightly.

“I’ve still been able to take care of myself after shows and whatnot. Ice baths and stuff like that, so I haven’t had any injuries so far," he adds.

“You don’t just take ice baths though, do you?” You ask, digging for more information to see if he really has been taking care of himself.

“Yeah, cold showers too,” he adds to his list.

“Heat is also good for your muscles, you know that right?”

“Not as good as cold techniques,” he says. “Right?”

“Depends on when you need it,” You point out. “You're a gym rat. I thought you already knew all of this information about taking care of your body-"

“Ah-”

Your hands still for a second from his reaction, “hurts?”

Changbin nods before his eyes flash open when you press your thumb deeper into the same spot. He lets out a yelp, his arms coming up to the sides of his shoulders, getting ready to prop himself up.

“Yeah - yes, that really hurts, fuck,” he groans.

“If it hurts, it’s working,” you use the flat of your hand to push Changbin back down into the mattress.

“That’s a very outdated saying,” he strains, trying to absorb the soreness before it eventually becomes bearable.

It takes him a few moments to melt against your touch now that his back is slightly more relaxed and warmed up. He’s now more susceptible to sensitivity which for him, heightens your contact on him. He doesn’t exactly know why it feels good - strangely good. But Changbin doesn’t complain.

“Y/N…” he breathes out involunintarily.

You freeze on the spot, wondering if your ears deceived you for a second. Surely Changbin didn’t just moan out your name. All you’re doing is unravelling knots in his back. But even so, you were curious for a split second and when curiosity takes shape, there’s nothing you can do about it. So to test your theory, you take a little bit more deep heat, rubbing it between your fingers and massaging it slowly over the area.

Changbin’s hands grip the sheets in response. He can’t control any of his reactions to the way your hands smooth over his back, or when the heel of your palm digs and drags nicely down his back. He doesn’t even want to think about where else good he feels.

“How does it feel now?” You test.

His response is a strange, high pitched hum, but he does give a small nod. You try not to smirk even though it’s not like he’s able to see it.

“I’m sorry,” Changbin swallows, almost panting. “It's just...you touching me.”

“Do you want me to stop?” You ask him.

“No!” he exclaims too quickly. “I mean, only if you want to. I’m okay with it, just…tender.”

You’re thankful that Changbin can’t see you blushing with embarrassment. You don’t know why you reacted that way but the more you massage his back, the more you forget about the moment. Changbin on the other hand begins to panic when he recognises that he’s actually horny.

Over the minutes gone by, his cock starts slowly filling out between his legs. It’s an awkward position to be hard and lie down at the same time. Either way, nothing is stopping it from happening and certainly not your hands. The heat, the cream, your touch, the wet, sticky sounds that it’s making, makes him think things that have crossed the border of ‘appropriate’.

“Are you okay? You seem like you’re struggling a bit,” you witness his shoulder blades start to cinch together.

“Fine,” Changbin turns his face into the pillow. “It’s sore but…it feels good.”

You look down at his hands and see him gripping the sheets again. From any physiotherapist’s point of view, Changbin might just be expressing that this hurts. That you’re really relieving the stress and tension built up in his back.

“Fuck, Y/N,” he mumbles.

But from your point of view, you can tell that he’s actually enjoying this more than he should be. You mentally scold yourself for jumping to that conclusion, because in what world does someone get off from having their back rubbed? It might be this world because when you realise that Changbin is making small, almost unnoticeable thrusts with his hips, he can’t help but want to speak his mind.

Usually, massages, erotic ones at least, are accompanied by other forms of actions, at least that's what you thought before Changbin started to become visibly flustered

“Changbin,” you say as he takes his tone as a warning.

His eyes flash open, knowing what he’s just done, what he couldn’t help but do, “fuck. S-Sorry, I didn’t expect…”

Didn’t expect what? Changbin doesn’t even know what the rest of his unfinished question means and he obviously doesn’t know the answer. Flustered as hell, he cannot seem to rack his brain for a lie. Even if he did, you would be able to see right through it.

“Again, it’s just someone touching me...” he mutters aloud what he's feeling.

You pause, “are you sure you don't want me to stop? If not, I’d like to get these last few knots out of your back.”

Changbin knows that this situation could go one of three ways. If he lets you continue to massage him, he will definitely cum. The bonus there is that his back will feel better and also his dick.

But if he asks you to stop, it'll be awkward as hell having to deal with the fact that he’s fully hard. The downside is that there are still knots in his back, and he won’t get to sleep, which ultimately means he'll be in a terrible mood.

The other way is that there is an unlikely small chance that he won't cum. His body might be overly excited right now, but it could pass. There's a 99% chance that he might have time to get soft. But with the way that you're both going, he knows it probably won't happen.

“I…I don’t know,” Changbin replies, clearly confused. “It’s been a while since…someone touched me-“

“That’s okay,” you dismiss his babbling. “It’s not unusual.”

He swallows, bewildered, “it’s not?”

“No,” you assure him.

At this point, you would stop but for some...fucked up reason, you want to keep going. You really want to see how this ends. You’ve never been someone who half asses things, so how is this any different? Plus it’s technically your fault after making Changbin unintentionally horny. At least that’s the state he’s currently in to your knowledge.

But you’re okay with that if he is.

“Wanting contact with other human beings isn’t abnormal Binnie. You’re obviously just a bit touch-deprived.”

“T-That’s a thing?” He asks, turning his head to try and look at you. But you smooth your palm up his spine, massaging into the divots until he reaches the base of his neck so that he can relax and not focus so much on you.

“There’s this theory that we all need human contact. Not sexually per se, but mundane things like hugs, holding hands and all that,” you start explaining.

“I guess that makes sense,” Changbin responds, then tries to suppress a grunt when you start gliding lower to his tailbone again.

You’re working the area just under his shoulder blade which at the moment seems to be the most sensitive. That and his dick - indirectly. Changbin is too embarrassed to think about the fact that you can read him far too easily. Either that or he’s just being extremely obvious, which he is.

“Even just social interaction at times. Studies show that there’s a link between loneliness and touch deprivation,” you add.

He can’t even believe he’s having this conversation with you. At the very most, he can’t believe that your hands are on him and making him feel certain things that are beyond his control.

“R-Really?” Changbin jolts when you begin kneading his back again, like every cell in his body is on edge.

“With these interactions, it can release a neurochemical in the brain called oxytocin which is responsible for good feelings…”

Neurochemical...oxytocin….Changbin appreciates the science talk and in fact, it’s strangely hot to hear it come out of your mouth. But he cannot focus on what he’s saying at all, because his dick is achingly hard and there’s nothing he can do about it.

“Fuck…” Changbin swallows harshly. “Touch me, please.”

“I believe I am touching you,” you respond coldly.

He doesn’t even know if your words were teasing or not. He just wants to relieve the throbbing ache in his dick when all he can do is make small thrusting movements. It’s not until you use the pads of his thumbs to press into a few points in his tailbone. It feels good in terms of the pain he had in his back, but now he can’t thrust against the mattress anymore. Not yet at least.

Changbin whines when you slowly release the pressure of his touch.

“You have a nice back,” you comment, then gently scratch down it with your fingernails, not enough to hurt him, but it definitely makes the deep heat feel hotter.

“Oh my god m’gonna cum,” Changbin exclaims out in a choked, rushed voice. His words instantly confirm your thoughts, so you continue to slowly rub down his back to his tailbone again. “Please..."

“It’s okay, you can come,” with the heel of your palm once more, you knead just under his shoulder blade, enough to make Changbin keen to the side.

His eyes snap shut before he’s dipped into pleasure. He goes silent for a few seconds, still making tiny movements, almost as if he were trying to fuck someone into the mattress. For him, it’s an odd sensation because his cock had been completely untouched and neglected.

Breathing heavily, Changbin slowly opens his eyes when the realisation dawns on him. He spends the first ten seconds of his comedown trying to figure out where he is. Your soothing hands slowly and gently rubbing up his back reorients him. The heat that the cream provided is now turning into a cooling sensation, added in with your touch. It feels good, and even better now that his muscles are at ease.

“Feel better?”

“H-Heaps,” he swallows, now feeling like someone tipped a bucket of ice water on top of his head.

“Good,” you smile to yourself, content with that outcome. “You should probably clean yourself up then.”

A/N: thank you everyone for your patience. The last half of this week was so busy for me, so I’m back writing and catching up the works x

TAGLIST: @kbitties @luneskies @mal-lunar-28 @kibs-and-bits @aaasia111 @fairy-lixie @dreamingaboutjisung @lizzekat 🩷🩷🩷 (if I’ve forgotten anyone again, please let me know 🙃)

#rosiewritesskz #stray kids smut #skz smut #changbin smut

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pia-nor481 · 10 months ago

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She Looks Like a Star- Chapter One

Multidriver x reader (mostly Oscar this chapter)

With the growth of her fan base she decides it’s best to join a big company, what she didn’t expect was how scary it was actually going to be.

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She was nervous walking down the hall, wearing obnoxiously loud heels and a tight skirt, not sure how to feel while wearing what was unusual attire for her. Typically she spent her time in lounge wear, lingerie or nothing so having to wear business smart clothes was a little unnerving. Every few steps she looked at the document in the open folder, trying to find the correct room for the meeting she was supposed to be sat in, in about twenty minutes.

With her head pointed down and her mind in a whole other world she walked straight into a man in the dark hallway. "I'm so sorry, are you alright?" She was momentarily stunned by the Australian accent. "Yes, I'm fine, I should have been looking where I was going." After overcoming her bashfulness she looked up, and was met with a sweet smile, only then did she acknowledge the hand on her waist, keeping her steady. "Are you sure, It seems quite hard to walk in those shoes." He said in a lower volume, looking her up and down. Only now was she able to take him in; His messy brown hair, unusually pale skin considering his accent and the tight navy blue t-shirt showing off his strong arms. She was so taken aback that her only reply to the question was a quick nod. "I'm Oscar by the way. I think we'll be working together at some point soon." She smiled finally gathering her things and straightening out her clothes. "It's nice to meet you Oscar."

"I'm still pretty new around here, but I have a year of navigation experience on you so...Where are you trying to go?" He asked, taking the folder from her arms, trying to save her from carrying too much. "Board room two. I'm supposed to be meeting Christian to discuss my contract and well the logistics of working here." Oscar let out a quiet 'Ah', hooking his arm through hers. "It might help walking in the right direction." He gently laughed, turning around. Her face became warm as they walked. "Don't worry, my first day was a complete mess. I was locked out of the building, seriously late to my first meeting and I waited at the wrong set for about twenty-five minutes. So you're actually starting quite well." Her nerves eased slightly, she could tell Oscar wasn't a particularly chatty person but it was clear how hard her was trying to almost comfort her. "So where did you work before coming here, I'm sorry to say that I don't think I recognise you. Then again I'm not really a big viewer." He said almost shamefully, not realising before he started speaking that it could very easily be taken in an offensive way. "No, no it's okay. I didn't really work with a big company, I did more amateur and home-shot videos. I'm guessing you worked for another company before?" She was unsure as to why it was almost embarrassing that she made all her content on her own. "Yeah, I worked for a smaller company for quite a while actually. You must be pretty talented to make those videos on you're own, especially if it meant you've landed a spot here." Oscar spoke with a sense of excitement during the latter half of the sentence. She looked down as she spoke, entrusting Oscar with fully guiding her. "I now this place is one of the best, but why did you leave you're last company?" Oscar sighed just thinking about it. "I had almost no autonomy. There were certain things I wanted to do, not just because I enjoyed it, but because it makes for a good watch too. But they always shut me down with out even considering it." Oscar seemed genuinely sad about it, she quickly spoke up, questioning how awful that must have been. "Yeah, it was really annoying. But a lot of the videos were scripted like that corny rubbish with the awful acting you usually see with ads. That was the worst. Although you won't fully escape that here, that's one of Sebastian's favourites to film." He laughed at the end.

"Oscar, stop boring the poor girl." She looked up to see Christian pen in hand standing outside of what she assumed to be bored room two. "Alright, alright I'll go." Oscar said smiling, passing her folder back. "Don't forget you have a scene wit Lando today." Christian shouted towards him. "I know, set room four."

"Sorry about him." Christian said, guiding her into the room. "So I'm sure you've read the terms and conditions regarding pay and so on. But I do want to elaborate on what would be you're schedule with us. I'm aware and happy that you will continue to film and post you're own content in you're own hours. So here you will be filming a minimum of three videos a week, and a least one of them must be with another actor here, and a maximum of nine, Of course we do not expect or require you to reach that number. So dates, ideas, sets and time allocation need to be made at least three weeks in advance, four weeks if you require and permits or new equipment of any kind. In addition to this, you will be meeting the other actors today and you will be doing a scene with one of them next week. We will have an additional meeting regarding that and what we call a logistics meeting with the other actor to ensure everyone is on the same page." One of the main things she took away from that was how much Christian was able to talk with needing to take a breath, the other was how much work would actually go into this job. "Right, I'm happy with all of that." She spoke rather quietly. "Great. You will also be meeting a few members of the production team, mainly the camera and sound crew which Toto is in charge of." She nodded swiftly as he continued to explain how the company works and what would be happening in the future.

"So you will need to sign here...here...and here." She did so and looked back up waiting to be told what was happening next. "So you have you're own private room here, it's like an office with a bed and a wardrobe. You will be added to the schedule and as you now have your company email feel free to join in and ask questions when needed. So any last questions?" At this point she was feeling a tad overwhelmed but was happy with the outcome. "No, all is good." She spoke with a small smile, slowly standing up. "Wonderful. I'll see you on Tuesday for the next meeting." They shook hands before she left and as soon as she was out of the room and the door was close, she let out a particularly loud sign of relief. Only now did she realise how taxing this could be

She made quick work of finding her office, initially struggling with the key before placing all of her belongings on the desk. She sat down taking a deep breath deciding it would be best to log in and check what he schedule was for next week. Tuesday she had a meeting with all of the actors, directors and some members of the logistics team to discuss the increase in shooting hours for the next set of holidays and what ideas would be used for those videos. That same day she had a meeting with Christian and Charles about their scene on the 14th. She was more shocked than she should have been. Already she was supposed to be shooting, she didn't even know what he looked like and yet she needed to come up with an idea for the video, and be able to put into words what her limits actually were. Before there was no need to plan ahead so much. She could just put on a pretty outfit, turn on the camera and have fun. Now it felt all too much, as though it was more than a fun and paying pastime. She was quick to shoot up upon hearing the knock at the door. "It's just me." Oscar shouted through the door, opening it quickly before sitting down. "So, how was the meeting?" He asked, leaning in as close as possible. She didn't notice to start but Oscar was only wearing trousers and a robe, his blue shirt missing. "It was okay, pretty overwhelming, but good." She said, bringing her eyes back to the computer.

"Since you want to know and wont ask, Lando gets pretty handsy sometimes, that's usually why I film with him last, or wait a few days to film with someone else. It not a territorial thing, he just likes to see the marks." He spoke softly as he stood up, pulling the robe off. His collar was covered in love bites and teeth marks, while his back was painted with scratches. "Oh wow." Oscar just laughed at her lack of filter. "It's not as bad as it looks, and he's not like this with everyone." He said, eyes closed as the robe began to cover his skin again. "Oh, so you get special treatment. I see how it is." She giggled, avoiding his eyes, scared he's begin to dislike her. "I wish...He doesn't really film with the guys much anymore, I am of course the exception."

He took a deep breath before making sure the door was closed. " Since we're both pretty new I'll fill you in with all the secrets. Lando gets attached very quickly, it's so easy for him to love. That makes him a great person, one of the best you'll ever be around. But that trait is bad in this industry. He joined five years ago, along with George and Alex, but they aren't important to the story. When you start, Usually you're paired with just once actor for a while. For him that was Carlos, and for a lack of a better term he pretty much fell in love with him, but not in a 'I want to date' way. It's complicated. After a few years Carlos left to go to another company for a while and Lando was completely distraught and well angry with Carlos." She was a little shocked that Oscar was so willing to tell her so much. Then again it didn't really affect him. "So Zak, the head of the logistic team, paired him up with Daniel for a while, thinking it would do him some good, they're pretty different, but in a good way."

Oscar was hesitant to continue, checking his watch every now and then, but since he started he couldn't really stop. "Yet Lando resented him. Daniel didn't take it to heart, knowing the whole situation. He's been here for eight years longer than Lando so he's seen a lot and could tell Lando was struggling. I'll be honest Lando is a massive brat usually, so that coupled with the whole situation was a lot. It made some great content sure, but it was still difficult for every one around them. Long story short they began to get along and at some point Lando fell for Daniel, may I add, both times it wasn't completely one sided. But when things got pretty good for them, Daniel took a break from filming all together, it broke Lando all over again." She took a sharp inhale at the end, it sounded devastating just hearing about it, so she could only imagine how it felt. "So Lando decided he didn't want to film with any of the guys anymore. He started working on some more kink based content with different actors. But slowly he's been coming back. So when I joined last year he didn't want any thing to do with me. Not in a mean way, it was more like he was apprehensive. And of course Zak decided to pair us up and well, we've been filming with each other at least twice a week since." He said shrugging his shoulders, finally doing his robe up properly. "Oh wow that's a lot. Is he not worried you're going to leave him at some point? Not to be disrespectful to you, but surely that's a concern of his." She said as Oscar stood up, motioning for her to do so as well. "First, you need to get changed as Christian has instructed me to accompany you while you meet the rest of the actors, so I'm going to turn around, promise I wont peek." He laughed, checking his watch again. She was quick to start stripping of her clothes, reaching in her bag for some more comfortable attire. "Second, of course he worried, wouldn't you be? But we're adults about it so its usually okay. Now that you say that, that's probably the reason I'm covered in marks." He trailed off, shocked that he didn't think of it sooner.

She placed her hands on his arms, turning him so they were face to face. "Is this okay?" She questioned looking down at what she was wearing. Oscars eyes followed hers, although stopped much sooner than she did, he couldn't help but stare, mainly at her tits as he could see all the way down her top. He may fuck on camera for most of the week, but he was no better than the average man. "You look perfect." He didn't know what was making him so bold, usually he's quite reserved, not particularly shy, just not talkative. He doesn't know what's gotten into him.

"Come on, it's getting late and it's kind of required that you meet everyone on your first day." They walked out the door and back into another relatively dark hallway, towards on of the many break rooms; Oscar was told to go to the second 'bed set' break room. "So, why'd you tell me all of that?" Oscar didn't expect her to ask him to explain his actions but it seems he really had no choice. "I care about him, so in a way it's just me looking out for him." She hummed with a smile. "If it wasn't me that told you, some else would have, its no real secret. Well the events were not a secret but Lando's true feelings and how bad he really was at the time is more of the secret." After Oscar's little rant she began wonder if they were actually together or if it was once again a two side love relationship without the relationship. "So who's the first one on you're calendar, and don't try to hide it. I know I'm on there but you wouldn't have been staring at that screen so intensely if I was the first." She sighed at his words, ever the observer he seemed to be. "Charles." Oscar was pleased with that, thinking there wouldn't be anyone better. "Actually that's really good for you. He's a lot more sensual and romantic so I believe that Zak thinks he's the safest option because you're content is just you getting off when ever you feel like it, not too focused on the production." He began, not realising he was rambling. "I thought you said you didn't know who I was." She huffed with a teasing tone, crossing her arms over her chest. "Well maybe I lied...Okay I looked you up when you were in that meeting." There was a long pause until they reached the door.

Chapter Two

#f1 x reader #f1 smut #f1 x reader smut #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #f1 fic #lando norris x reader #lando norris #lando norris x female reader #lando norris x you #lando norris x reader smut #lando norris x y/n #oscar piastri x reader smut #oscar piastri x you #oscar piastri x reader #charles leclerc x reader #Charles leclerc

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melodic-haze · 1 year ago

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☆ — DEMO TRACK: bottom!Robin (HSR) x top!Reader

☆ — GENRE: NSFW

☆ — CONTENT WARNINGS: Semi-public sex (it's in a venue green room), reader has a cock/strap

Can't believe that my first post is Robin thirst (I say that when my acc theme is literally her 💀) but I REALLY can't stop thinking about fucking her in her private dressing room LOL

Like imagine she calls you in or smth as a form of "distraction" from "pre-performance jitters" with both of you knowing FULL WELL that she isn't nervous in the least. She's even acting the part: her eyebrows furrowed, a hand lightly tugging on the fabric of your clothes as she's asking you to stay with her

"I don't think I'd be able to get out there and sing without your help." Her eyes look at you as if she were pleading, though you've spent enough time with the singer that you easily spot the tiniest glimmer in that alluring sea of green, "Won't you care to stay a little while longer..?"

Doesn't really take long for it to go from simply talking and hanging out to bending her over on the table. All it took was a squeeze here, a graze there, and suddenly neither of you can keep your hands off each other

Could be that she's laying down on her back, legs spread and on your shoulders as you move your fingers in her to find that sweet spot that has her singing your favourite song made just for you on the fly. Could be that she's facing down as you use her wings as handlebars to keep her upright and she can see herself and her perfect image get absolutely RUINED and railed by none other than you on the mirror and her insides just clench at the sight

Her appearance is absolutely MESSED THE FUCK UP right now (the hair and makeup people are Stressing) but Robin really can't bring herself to care. Not when her brain's gone to who knows where. All that's important right now is chasing that high until she--

You hear a somewhat urgent knock on the door, your efforts stuttering at your moment's intrusion, "Miss Robin? We need to set you up in five."

You don't see or hear your pretty little angel respond, though judging by the dazed-out look on her face it's clear that.. well, it's not as if she's so dazed out that she can't begin to process the current events—it's more like she doesn't want to process it.

Apparently whoever it was didn't take the hint because the staff's voice rang past the door once again, "Miss Robin? Are you there?"

You eventually see her sigh resignedly, her eyebrows furrowed genuinely this time as she cleared her throat and answered awkwardly, putting all her strength into making sure she doesn't sound like some fucked-out mess.

"Yes, I'm fine! I'll be there on time," she let out a seemingly good-natured laugh to sell the charade, though the corners of her mouth twitched the slightest bit.. before she bit her lip as she slowly grinded herself on you. "Though careful there—worry like that and-- mm.. I might think you like me."

You hear the staff member stutter past the door before footsteps begin to scurry away. With the way your lover was just moving, you'd have thought that she wanted to continue.. but she pushes herself off of you and pulls up her panties with a small apologetic smile.

She tells you that as much as she really wanted to continue, she shouldn't. She has a job to do, and being late or skipping on a show just wouldn't do! She promises to finish things with you when she's done, and that promise comes in the form of cleaning her slick off of you and leaving a lingering kiss.. before asking you to help her with getting her appearance back to looking AT LEAST presentable LMAOOOO

It takes you both more than five minutes and the staff are baffled but it's not like you can explain it 😭😭 so have fun with the scrutinising stares 🫶

Robin's got better self-control than me I would've died if I had to perform while bricked the fuck up LOL. But trust me when I say that it's worth it when she gets off the stage and she pounces at you and begs you to finish what you started bc she deserves it as a reward after a hard day of work, right?

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littlemissayu · 1 year ago

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Wht Songs Would Play in Your Rom-Com? Pt2

A/N: Hey Loves!! I'm posting pt2, surprisingly I actually posted on the day I scheduled myself to post so that's great!! I hope you enjoy pt2 and it is as good as pt1. And PLEASE leave some feedback it is very helpful!!

pt1

Parings: Pomefiore, Idia Shorud, Diasomnia x reader(seperate/romantic)

Love Grows(Where My Rosemary Goes) by Edison Lighthouse

If you read the lyrics or have listened to the song this is obviously the song that plays as he slowly falls for you. This also most likely opposites attract kind of trope. Js imagine how cute it would be to see Vil fall hard for someone who is almost nothing like him and as much as some of the things you do he may prefer to stay far away from, still he’ll think it's cute because it’s you.

Sincerely Yours by Zenglen

If you have seen some of my prior content you might recognize this song as the inspiration for on of my post. Now part of this may be my haitian culture influencing my opinion but cmon, you can’t see Rook and his love dancing in the living room, yk like that first time moving in kinda of dance when you two are just super sickly in love.(that or Until I Found You by Stephen Sanchez)

Late Night Talking by Harry Styles

I might be reaching but just think about the possibility of you guys having your “thing” be just staying up late talking to each other despite how sleepy you are. And maybe you two work out your conflict by one of you coming over at night to talk out your problem together js like all the other times you guys have random conversations to the point its js a normal thin gyou teo do.

Video Game Lover by Narraws Music

Now this feels a bit{a lot} on the nose BUT your telling me you don’t wanna see Idia’s rom-com becoming good friends with you through a common game you two play but rarely talk to each other irl, not even knowing who the person is behind the screen. You guys just vent to each other through the chat an you guys are just binding til you say something ridiculously familiar and so he recognizes you from that and he’s too nervous to approach you irl, how the issue is solved is all up to you my loves.

Can’t Help Falling In Love by Elivs Presely

This is obviously a human-fae love between you two. Are you kidding me, that title is “Cant help falling in love” hinting at the complexity of your relationship as a human lifespan is considerably shorter than a fae’s so he’ll have to live a large chunk of his life without you. Not to mention that Malleus is bound to be king of Briar Valley which the faeries of Briar Valley may not be too overjoyed at the fact their king is with a human.

But you two just cant help but fall for each other and this song plays as you two are out dancing together in the dark, relishing the relationship that you two might not be able to have for long.

Viva La Vida by Coldplay

Despite this not being a love song it is pretty similar to Lilia’s story and so just imagine this playing during like your first truly swoon worthy kiss. But not only during the kiss, the instrumental can lightly play in the background in either the learning of his backstory OR during that first moment you meet. Maybe even when he first falls in love with you.

Bam Bam by Camilla Cabello and Ed Sheeran

Fell first(you) and fell harder(Silver). You fell first obviously bc he’s constantly asleep so it’d make more sense for you to fall first. And when you fall for him you begin to do things to help him out, some are smaller things like adjusting his head so his neck doesn’t hurt or bigger things like putting a pillow beneath his head(wheter thats one of your body parts or an actually pillow is up to you). Those little things add up and he notices and slowly you creep into his thoughts and dreams and now one of the only things he sees in his sleep is you. Convinced that its one of those tropes where you say you love him while you think he’s asleep and you think he doesn’t hear and he doesnt like you back, but he just hasn’t been able to find a way to tell you as their are many plot thrown in issues that get in his way.

That’s How You Know by Amy Adams

I’m very well aware this is another Disney song BUT, think about Sebek with a stereotypical Disney Princess who just belts into song whenever, and she’s not really singing to him but giving other guys advice on how to treat their loves and he just ends up finding himself admiring the fact your giving these random guys advice all the while not realizing that the seeds of his love for you were being sewed.

A/N: Well I finally got pt2 out!! Lmk your thought and opinions not only on this post(+the last one) but some other things that are similar(other ideas for post). Ik i haven’t responded to anything in my inbox in a while but i promise I’ll do my best to get to them I js have many other things on my plate as well

Pomefiore Masterlist

Ignihyde Masterlist

Diasomnia Masterlist

TWST Masterlist

Grand Masterlist

#twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #fluff #vil schoenheit x reader #rook hunt x reader #epel felmier x reader #idia shroud x reader #malleus draconia x reader #lilia vanrouge x reader #silver x reader #sebek zigvolt x reader

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scientia-rex · 1 year ago

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Long ask. I didn't see that you had answered anything similar.

How do I do activism? Yes, I could Google it, but I would rather learn from a stranger with claimed yet unverifiable experience on Tumblr than from a stranger with claimed yet unverifiable experience anywhere else, and I'm here and so are you and we can talk and have a [para]social interaction. I won't bore you with a condensed autobiography, but I have a lot of experience fixing mistakes, not unlike being a physician, but far less noble, what David Graber would call a "duct-taper". It's partly what led me to socialism. I fixed mistakes but could not fix the root causes and, when I investigated those causes, I ran into structure. I couldn't explain the human behavior I witnessed as human nature, because it wasn't my nature and, as far as I know, I'm human, so the only explanation I could come up with was that the structure of the company I worked for created the problems I was trying to solve, and I had no power to change that structure, and no desire to join the psychopaths failing up the corporate ladder. I expanded my thinking outward and saw the problem inherent in capitalism and all the associated -isms and -archies, all the while trying to figure out what I could do that could possibly change any of it. I dove into progressive politics, read theory, consumed all the lefty content I could find, and thought, and keep running into the same problems. But even if the root causes cannot be addressed, the effects still need to be, because the effects are people, hence activism.

How do I talk to congresspeople? I email them about issues, but am frankly afraid to call them. Shall I get voice mail, or does a person pick up? If the latter, I'm assuming it will be a secretary. I don't want to be mean to a person answering phones. I've been one of those people getting yelled at or threatened because of events I did not cause and could not possibly prevent or change and, maybe I'm oversensitive or have PTSD or just a hyperactive amygdala, but I cannot overstate the damage those negative experiences cause. Sure, in the grand scheme of things, the lives that can be saved or improved outweigh a few people's hurt feelings or possible psychological trauma, but I would prefer not to turn this into a trolley problem if at all possible. Maybe it's a stupid question. Maybe I'm overthinking it. I can be charming and I have no lack of empathy; I can politely disagree. Shall I have to argue with anyone? Or is it a thank-you-for-your-participation-I-will-tell-the-congressperson-have-a-nice-day situation?

How do I get a job doing good things for people? This is somewhat pressing as I quit my corporate job five years ago, to have what turned out to be a midlife crisis, and have been living off savings (that are running out) ever since. I want to help and don't want to be ashamed of what I do for a living. I've always been able to do anything I've ever tried to do, but I'm 45 with little formal education or qualifications, and am thinking it's maybe too late to go back to school. Most of the non-profits I see seem like little more than scams. And perhaps the most serious complication: I'm a loner, more out of habit than inclination. I'll spare you the background, but I have no connections and no idea how to make them, and I don't believe I have any particular skills so valuable that should confer an immediate advantage or demand for my labor, but then again I don't know what is in demand.

It's OK if you can't answer some of these things. I simply have no one to talk to about them who can give any actual advice and figured you might. Thanks.

How to do activism: The first thing you need to know is your axe to grind. It was easy for me. I've been out since I was 13, nobody ever believes a girl is bisexual, it's always "you want attention" or "you're secretly a lesbian." That was in 1997. I went through hell and I'm bitter about it. So when I realized I liked medicine, I realized I could turn my life into an extended revenge arc by moving home and telling everybody it's OK to be gay. Two birds, one stone. I work with a woman who didn't get her axe to grind until about three years ago. She realized she was fed up with people abandoning dogs. She's one of the most active volunteers at the local shelter now. She's saved a lot of dogs' lives. She didn't start out knowing anything about it, but she told the shelter she wanted to volunteer, and they've helped her grow through the rest of it. My husband works with the local food bank, because his mom's neighbor (who is a family friend and sweetheart) wrangled him in to serving on the board, so now in addition to board meetings once a month he goes in sometimes to do things like help his mom's friend unload trucks. Sometimes the cause picks you, sometimes you pick the cause, sometimes you are the cause. And no matter what the cause is, someone else is already working on it. Someone else already cares deeply and if you show up ready to be hands on and help out, with humility because you know that you don't know everything, they will help you learn how to be effective. I started out in medicine by volunteering at the emergency room near where I lived. I pushed a linen cart around and restocked gowns in rooms, and when I couldn't fit any more washcloths into drawers I cleaned doorknobs. One of the nurses once told me she really appreciated that I cleaned all the doorknobs, because it wasn't getting regularly done. I am in medicine now because of many, many people I asked for help and who helped me because they wanted to contribute to justice and equity in medicine, whether for queers or rural people or women. This is, and has always been, a combined effort. Alone we beg, together we bargain.

Calling elected representatives: Oh god I know, me too, calling strangers is the LITERAL WORST. I'm 40 and I'd rather pepper-spray myself than argue with a human on the phone. Wait until after hours and you'll get a voicemail. I like to leave voicemails that start with "My name is Dr. Rex, I'm a constituent of yours, and I VOTE, and I'm calling about ____." That's honestly about all it takes--when I was hanging out with the lobbyist she told me they keep lists with tick-marks for how many calls, emails, etc., they get on a topic. Calls count for more. The more effort you have to put in, the more engaged they know you are. So call, but if people scare you (and the people who pick up are almost always nice, if you do get a person, and they will 99/100 times say "thank you for your call, we will pass your concerns along to so-and-so"), call at night.

Going back to school is probably unnecessary. Spin your past experience aggressively and start applying to nonprofits. (You "took time off from the working world in order to sharpen your focus on what matters most to you," which will be whatever this particular group does.) It's OK if you pick a bad one to start with; most of them are shit-shows, and lots of them still accomplish good things. Nonprofits are a bloodbath when it comes to actually being an employee--they know that part of the compensation is the sense of living ethically and they will use your altruism against you--so keep your resume updated and be prepared to bail if grant funding doesn't come through, but most areas have food banks and pet shelters and human shelters and jails and medical clinics and hospitals (for every doctor who works at the local hospital there are at least 10 support staff by the numbers, and they are utterly critical and always under-staffed). Sometimes if you start by volunteering somewhere, once they realize you're dependable, you can get a job there. I am zero percent kidding about working for a hospital, clinic, or jail, by the way. Those are places I know well, and there are always civilian jobs available. You want to make a patient's day better? Be the front desk, front line staff who use the right pronouns and cheer them up.

I think it's completely reasonable to have procedural questions about how all of this works, and I am grateful to you for giving me a chance to talk about it a bit. Please feel free to ask any follow-up questions. And for reference, when I was just starting out in research at a time when the market for research-trained people frankly sucked, I applied well over 300 times and got well over 300 rejections (I was counting) before I ended up with a job that I loved (even though it was hellishly stressful and I made just barely more than minimum wage for working well over my alleged, salaried "hours") and felt like I was making a positive difference for the world with. And from there, I kept making changes as I realized what I wanted and needed. Just keep doing it. You don't have to feel good about every step, you don't have to know what you're doing, just keep putting one foot in front of the other as you try to figure out what will make you happy. Because nothing else is a good proxy for happiness, and happiness, for a whole lot of humans, means finding something meaningful to do in life. Helping others. Be okay with changing, be okay with sacrificing who you are right now for the sake of who you can become. You've survived four decades on this bizarre and cruel planet, and you have inherent, intrinsic worth as a human being. You deserve your own kindness.

#the attending dr. kristophine

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