#as you can see my personality is based on Harry Styles and his songs

[harmandmac]

10 songs, 10 people

tagged by @hopeless-nostalgiac (girl I miss yaaa)

tagging: @det1stgrstabler @delicatefalice @coffeedepablo @dresswhitesandgoldwings @cherisheachother @mcgeekle @indestinatus @fuckyeahtonyandziva (I would tag more but idk who is who anymore in this place 🙃)

Okay here I go with what has been my current fixations of the month

1. Fine Line - Harry Styles

2. Little Freak - Harry Styles

3. Invisible String - Taylor Swift

4. Mastermind - Taylor Swift

5. Let Somebody Go - Coldplay ft Selena Gomez

6. Songbirds - Fleetwood Mac

7. Ocean Eyes - Billie Eilish

8. Sunflower vol.6 - Harry Styles (mood booster amirighty)

9. Late Night Talking - Harry Styles

10. Lavander Haze - Taylor Swift

[harryslittlefreakk]

masterlist

* indicates smut

^ indicates angst

you can join my taglist here

my requests are open :) please feel free to tell me anything you’d like to see, no idea is too wild here. 🫶🏼

late night talking (completed)

a chance meeting with harry before his wembley dates leads you into a whirlwind relationship. harry x fan!y/n

favourite crime

a chance meeting between y/n and her professor leads to a dare… which leads to a forbidden affair neither of them will forget

my policeman

harry is the police officer assigned to your case, though you are inexplicably drawn to one another 🤭 age gap romance

dr. styles*

fratboy!harry is a surgical resident in your class, and he helps you to relieve some stress

the pact* part 2*

you and harry made a childhood pact to marry if you were both still single when he reached 30. now that his big birthday is approaching, you find out whether your friendship (and your pact) have stood the test of time

little angel*

a little drabble of needy y/n and dad!rry goodness, the pact extra but can be read alone

to build a home *^

buzz cut!rry and y/n spend their first new year’s together after splitting up and they look back on happier times. inspired by the song

girl crush *^

harry x bisexual bandmate y/n, based on the song

harry turns 30 *

a filthy smutty blurb about harry’s birthday 🎈💖

after the storm *^

y/n wakes up in her sworn enemies bed, with a city-wide storm keeping her trapped there. in the time that she’s stuck with harry, can they overcome their differences and build a friendship? 🫢🤷

obsessed ^

harry is your roommate, best friend … and crush 💃 he’s finally broken up with his girlfriend and you’re struggling to hide how you feel about him. loosely based on the song!!

arrogant s.o.b ^

based on this request - grumpy/mean Harry and readers first fight and he says something really harsh/yells and makes her cry? And then feels really bad after like grumpyxsunshine vibes?

too sweet *

essentially porn with little plot… or .. when her boss decides that letting her go is in her best interests, y/n decides to show him exactly what he’s missing out on

just between us *^

when y/n’s life starts to fall apart, her boss is there to pick up the pieces.. behind his wife’s back. nanny reader x ceorry

make me, darling^ make me, darling 2*

harry and y/n’s shared hatred for each other finally reaches its breaking point when they realise how deep their feelings go. based on the prompt ‘do all of us a favour and just leave’

kiss it better

when y/n doesn’t show up to work, harry takes her care into his own hands. ceorry x PA y/n

the one *^

y/n runs into the last person she ever expected to see in the last place she ever expected to see him, bringing old feelings & hurt to the surface. based on the prompt: childhood friends to lovers

fictober masterlist

[spermeboy]

pairings: harry styles x male reader

request: hey for Harry styles do you think you can do Harry is your boyfriend and after a show he fucks you in his dressing room.

warnings: SMUT, anal sex, spit, spanking, pet names, swearing, armpit kink.

You watched him on the big screen in his dressing room. He was all yours, yet you get all giddy when he sings live. Even though you've been with him for years, had him cream pie your ass, spit in your mouth, he still managed to make you feel like you were sixteen again seeing him tour with one direction. He finished singing his final song, and you were pleased to hear everyone cheering, but some boos because it was over, you walked out the dressing room and to the side of the stage so you were the first person he saw once he left the stage and was done waiting for the applause to end. He finally walked off stage, and you jumped up into his arms. "You were so good, baby!" I whisper into his ear so he can hear me clearly. His grip around me tightened as he nuzzled his face into my neck for comfort.

"Thank you, baby," he mumbles into my neck as he continues to carry me into his dressing room. He kicks the door shut and lays you down on the dressing room couch. He stares down at you hungrily as his eyes turn dark, a ravenous look on his face as you eye up his erection that he must've gotten when you had your legs wrapped around his waist. "It's been so long, my balls are so heavy!" He says through gritted teeth, you slowly get up and place your hand on his chest as you push him down on the couch opposite you. He keeps his eye contact, making sure he doesn't miss out on anything you are doing you gentle straddle Harry's lap lifting his arms up to reveal his armpits, his sweaty musky armpits.

You dive your face right into his sweaty pits, sniffing up all of his musky scent of his hard work. I lick a wet strip up Harry's sweaty pits as I gently grind my hips back and forth against his already rock-hard erection that is begging to be let out of it's confinement. Harry was wearing a valentines heart overalls without a shirt underneath which turned you on in such a dramatic way, you felt your blood rush through your veins straight to your cock. Your face pushed deep into his armpit while you also grind against his lap causing him to let out sultry solicit moans. Your eyes roll back as you take on this multitasking. "Fuck baby!" Harry groans out feeling his cock get rubbed back and forth through the overalls.

You continue to grind back and forth, making him whimper below you while you move from his armpit to his neck. Hearing him whimper drove you crazy. You loved it so much cause it showed how much he's enjoying himself, you climb off of his lap and get down on your knees in between his legs. Harry unstraps his overalls pulling them down to see that he was free-balling the whole concert which turned you on a lot more than it should of. You wrap your hands around the base which causes Harry to let out a coo of pleasure just from the touch of your hand, you keep eyecontact as you take the tip of his cock into your mouth and slowly letting him watching disappear into your throat as you take it in. Your face reddens as you let your throat warm his cock.

Harry, let's out a seductive groan. You slowly pull your head up making sure to savour the flavour of his cock and all of his pre-cum that you slurped off the head of his cock. The groans and moans that Harry is letting out makes you want him to please him more, "You're such a good boy" Harry groans out as you take his cock down to the base again, coating his member in your saliva. His pre-cum coats every inch of your throat and mouth, you pull his cock out of your mouth with a pop and you stare up at him hungrily. You stand up and slowly strip your clothes off for him, seductively, lastly pulling off you underwear and throwing them at him.

He takes your underwear and pushes it into his face, sniffing all of the sweat and pleasure mixed together. "So fucking sweet" he coos out to you, making sure you know how good your underwear smells to him. Harry's cock twitches. You slowly walk over to the opposite couch to him, laying down and stretching your cheeks open to reveal your tight pucker to him. He stands up and walks over to you. He spanks your ass hard watching it jiggle. A smirk appears on his face as he spanks you for a third, and then a fourth time, he pushes your head against the couch as he lines his cock up to your hole.

Harry wastes no time pushing his cock into your slick wet boy-pussy, he lets out a loud moan as your hole milks his cock just from the first thrust. Harry gently thrusts his hips back and forth as he places each knee on each side of your legs making sure your hole is tighter than ever, he spanks your ass as he thrusts back and forth again and again milking his cock. "You're so tight!" He groans out, watching his cock disappear into your hole then appear again once he pulls out. With each thrust from Harry your cock disappears into a couch cushion causing the overall pleasure making you shoot into the couch staining it. The tightness of your hole around Harry's cock causes him to shoot his load inside of you, "ah!" Harry whimpers out trying to ride his high with a couple more thrusts. Harry pulls out and sits down next to your laying body. He breathes heavily. "Round 2?" He asks, which causes you to smirk.

taglist - @starboye @mailmango @ghostking4m @kingchaospostsstuff @crispysoup318

[cinemastyles-backup]

BMWB

Summary: an anon request - “can you do a one shot where y/n is in the band and for some reason Harry and her don't get along and they end up fucking?? Like not enemies to lovers but more or like enemies to fw because they're so good at it ??? Pleaseeeee”

Warnings: SMUT18+, strong language, lots of arguing, oral (both), fingering, biting, hair pulling, filth

My original CinemaStyles-blog has been terminated, so I created a new one.

MAJOR ASSHOLE FRAT BOY HARRY

"One, two, three, four." Harry screams into the mic and bobs his head to the music. I strum my base, close my eyes and tilting my head as I feel the music.

My eyes suddenly snap open when Harry starts to yell, "Stop. Stop. Fuckin' stop." I lay my fingers over the edge of my bass and sigh, "What now, Styles?"

I know he's talking about me, he's always talking about me.

He scoffs and shakes his head, "Are you even here with us right now? Because the he only thing you should be focusing on is getting the beat of the fucking song right. Jesus christ."

I roll and shut my eyes and take a deep breathe, "Harry. Chill out man. She was doing fine." Niall says setting down his guitar, "Maybe you need to ta-"

Harry cuts him off, "Maybe you just need to shut the fuck up."

"If you don't want me to pla-"

Zayn cuts me off, "No, y/n. You're the best bass player we've had, Harry's just having a bad day."

Harry shifts his weight to his left leg and puts his hands on his hips, "You know wh- fine. Take a fucking break, all of you."

He walks off the stage and throws his water bottle.

"What the fuck is his issue lately?" Louis says walking up, "Don't take it personal, y/n. Harry can be.." he trails off his words.

I sigh, "Egomaniacal? Asshole-ish? Cocky? I can stand here all day."

They laugh and I look over my shoulder, "I'll try and talk to him. If the screaming at each other stops call the coroner because I've strangled him with his mic cord."

I set my bass down gently and walk in the direction Harry went.

I look left and right and walk down the hall. I stop as I see Harry leaning against the wall. He turns his head towards me and looks away with an eye roll, "What do you want?"

"I want to know why you're all of a sudden coming at me?" I cross my arms, "We were fine and now yo-"

"Just go practice because you obviously need it." He pushes off the wall and walks towards me. I grab his arm as he goes past me, "No. I don't obviously need that, Harry. What I need, is for you to tell me what the fuck your issue is."

He laughs and tilts his head back, "Like I'd ever talk to you about what's bothering me. Go the fuck back to the stage. We have a show to get perfect."

He pulls his arm away and scoffs, "Don't ever fucking touch me again."

"Don't ever fucking yell at me again." I shoot back.

He stop waking and turns around, "Oh? So now you're the boss? Telling me what I can and can't do?" He walks up to me, "Let me tell you one thing, sweetheart." He leans in, his face an inch away from mine, "I'm the boss. You do what I say when I say it, hmm?"

I roll my eyes at him, "Mm. We'll see."

I step around him and walk back to stage. Before I enter back, I look over at him and smile, "You coming? We have a show to make perfect." I smirk and push the door open.

"Is he dead?" Louis asks with a slight laugh.

I shake my head, "Not yet." I pick my bass up and gently strum the strings. Harry walks in and everyone goes quiet.

"Let's get this fucking right." He says just loud enough for us to hear. He walks up and takes the mic off the stand and looks around at us, making sure we're ready.

"One, two, three, four."

——

"You guys are on in five." Liam, the crew manager says. I nod and finish applying my lipstick, "Okay."

"Don't fuck this up." Harry says leaning against the door frame to my dressing room. I look at him in the mirror, "Is that you threatening me or demanding me?"

He rolls his eyes and shakes his head, "Sometimes I just wanna-" he clenches his jaw and tilts his head, "Nope. Not happening."

"What?" I turn around and lean against the table, "You wanna what, Styles?"

He stares at me, and in that moment, if looks could kill. I'd be dead.

He walks up to me and brings a hand up, his thumb gently pulls down my lower lip, "Sometimes I just wanna gag you with my cock so you shut the fuck up for once."

He drops his hand, "Like I said, don't fuck this up."

He leaves the room before I have anything to say, which I don't. Harry just left me absolutely speechless.

"Hey, y/n. Let's go. We're up next." Louis knocks on the door, "You okay?"

I blink and turn around quickly, wiping away the smudge of lipstick Harry's thumb left, "Yeah. Coming."

——

The whole show, I was on edge.

On edge because of what Harry said.

On edge because he looks so fucking hot in that tight Green Bay jersey.

On edge because he kept looking over at me any chance he got.

On edge because he was fucking with me.

We finish the song and the crowd goes wild. Screaming for Harry. Screaming for me. Screaming for all of us.

"Give it up for the amazing band behind me." Harry says while clapping, "Niall, Louis, Zayn.." there's a pause before he says my name and the boys glance towards me then look back at Harry, "And y/n who actually did very well tonight."

The crowd screams and I force a smile and wave.

I shook a glare back at Harry and he smirks behind his mic, "We're going to give you guys one last song and then we're off to Phoenix!"

Harry walks around stage as we start to play the final song of the night, "Let's go!"

——

We exit the stage and I immediately walk up to Harry and shove his shoulder, "What the fuck was that?"

He cocks his jaw and smirks, "I know you didn't just shove me."

I go to shove him again and Zayn grabs my arms, "Settle down." I pull my arms and he gets louder, "Settle down, easy y/n."

"Why would you fucking say that?" I yell, "I actually did well tonight? What the fuck Harry!?"

He chuckles and shakes his head. He motions for Zayn to let me go and he puts his arm around my shoulder, "Let's take a walk and talk about this."

I push his arm off of me, "What so you ca-"

"Now, now." He cuts me off, "Just come on." We walk down the hall to the door with his name on it, "In."

I roll my eyes and push the door open. I walk in and turn around, ready to start losing my absolute shit on him but he holds his hand up, "I get under your skin."

"Yeah the fuck you do." I cross my arms, "And you do it on purpose."

He walks over and pours himself a drink, "Because you make it so easy."

"By what? Giving you a reaction?" I huff, "Do you want me to ignore you? Quit the band?"

"Why would you quit the band?" He asks bringing the glass to his lips. He lowers it and shakes his head, "You're the best bass player I've had, y/n. I don't want you to quit."

His words confuse me and I know my face shows it.

"He sits down and rests one arm straight out on the back of the couch and brings a leg up over his other, "Sit."

I find myself always listening to his stupid little commands so I shake my head, "No. I'll stand." He chuckles, "Hmm. Okay. Suit yourself, sweetheart."

I roll my eyes, "What do you want, Harry." I state, "Because if you're just going to sit there and-"

"You. I want you."

"Excuse me?" I laugh, "Did you just say you- you want me?"

He nods, "Yeah. I believe that's what I said."

"You're not serious."

"But I am." He finishes his drink and stands up, "You see, y/n. I really don't like you, for reasons I'm not open to telling you just yet." He sets his glass down and walks over to me.

I stay silent and watch him as he gets closer, "We have our issues that, well, the whole band can see, right?"

I shrug, "I-"

"Shut up." He says louder. His voice goes back to normal and he walks around me, his chest presses against my back and he moves my hair off my neck.

My breathing gets faster and I bite my lip.

"There so much stress while touring, right?" His fingers drag up my shoulder and neck.

I nod.

"I want you to be my little stress reliever." He leans down and licks up my neck, "No strings attached."

I shut my eyes tight. Fighting off every urge to turn around and give into him.

He's an asshole.

He makes your days a living hell.

He gets under your skin in the most annoying ways possible.

All the thoughts run spin around in my head and I let out the breathe I've been holding.

"What do you say? Huh. We help each other out and when you piss me off.. I get to fuck my anger out and fuck that annoying little attitude out of you."

I want to say no so bad. I want to turn around and slap some sense into him, but the idea of being Harry's fuck buddy is just so overpowering.

"You can speak now, sweetheart."

"Y-yes."

"Good answer. Now get on your knees." He places his hands on my shoulder and pushes me down. I land on my knees and bite my lip, looking up at him as he walks around to stand in front of me.

He starts to undo the belt on his jeans and he gives me a smirk.

"What?" I ask as I tuck hair behind my ear.

"Do I make your nervous?" He chuckles, "No need to be nervous."

I roll my eyes, "Please. If anyone should be nervous here, it's you."

"How's that?" He asks shoving his jeans down, "I'm not nervous one bit. Excited actually."

I raise my eye brows and laugh slightly, "Why because you're about to shut me up?"

"Exactly." He pushes his boxers down and pumps his cock in his hand a few times before pushing the head of it against my lips, "Open for me."

I part my lips and he pushes his cock in, letting out a groan.

I wrap my lips around his cock and swirl my tongue. I work my way down, getting him wet enough, teasing him slightly before I give him exactly what he wants.

I sink his cock into my throat and he moans.

I shut my eyes and control my breathing through my nose before I bob my head, gagging around his cock.

"Ah." He moans out, "It's nice to hear the sound of you choking on my cock rather than you speaking."

I ignore his words and continue to fuck my throat with him, working him up until he places a hand on my head, "A-alright. We can come back to this. I wanna see that ass of yours bent over."

I pull off and wipe my chin off with my wrist. He pulls me over towards the couch and slips his shirt off. My eyes flicked up and down his toned, tattooed torso and he grips the hem of my shirt pulling it up over my head.

"You know, y/n." His eyes move up and down my bra covered chest, "You are pretty fuckin' hot."

I smirk and unbutton my jeans, "So are you."

He smirks and watches as I take my jeans off, kicking my shoes out of the way. We both stand there naked and his hands reach out to explore my body.

I close my eyes as he leans in, sucking random spots on my neck. I moan out quietly and bring my hands up to his arms.

Wow, he isn't yelling at me to not touch him.

His hand moves down and pushes between my legs. His finger slides between my folds, "You're fuckin' soaked, sweetheart."

I part my thighs and dig my nails into his skin as he circles my clit, gradually applying a harder pressure.

I whimper and tilt my head back. Harry kisses and sucks spots under my chin and jaw line.

"Harry." I moan out quietly, "Fuck me."

He chuckles against my skin, "Are you demanding?"

I bite my lip, debating on what I should say before my mouth speaks on its own, "What if I am?"

He sighs and pulls his hand away from between my legs, "Then you get more time without my cock in that desperate cock hungry pussy of yours."

He walks over and gets another drink, "I'm going to enjoy this drink. Sit down and, oh I don't know." He shrugs, "Convince me that you're deserving of my cock going into your pussy."

I chew the inside of my lip and nod, "Okay."

I sit down on the couch and smirk as I bring my legs up and spread them. He pauses and stares at my open legs. I bring my hand down and rub circles onto my clit, moaning.

I need Harry to touch me.

"Afraid you won't get me to cum?" I tease, "Am I going to have to fake it with you then do it myself later?"

He roughly sets his glass down on the table and stands up, "There you go again.. running your mouth."

I bite my lip and sink my fingers into my pussy, letting out a loud gasp, "What? Im just asking questions."

He scoffs, "You have no idea."

"Mm. I think I do." I tilt my head back and moan. A smile grows on my lips as I feel the couch sink down.

"You'll be begging me to fuck you after this." He moves my hand and replaces it with his own, his rings roughly hitting my skin as his fingers pump in and out.

I arch my back off the couch and moan, "Fuck."

He shifts back and bends down, attaching his lips to my clit. I let out a gasp and put a hand on his head, grabbing a fistful of his hair.

He moans against me and that causes me to moan. I clench my walls around his fingers as I feel myself approaching my orgasm.

My eyes roll back and I smile as he did exactly what I wanted him to do.

He pulls his fingers out and licks up my pussy. He pulls away and moves up, rubbing the head of his cock against my clit, "That didn't seem fake to me."

I smirk and my mouth opens as he shoves his cock into me without warning, "Fuck." He smirks and tilts his head as he pulls out and thrusts back in.

He grips my hips tight and fucks me. His lips part as his eyes shit and a moan escapes his lips, "Shit, y/n."

I grab his wrists and arch my back, "Harry." I whimper, "Fuck."

He leans down, pressing his lips to mine as he continues thrusting. I drag my nails up his back with one hand as I pull myself to desperately cling to him with the other.

He gently bites my bottom lip and moans.

I tilt my head back and he kisses up and down it.

For a moment I would have thought I wasn't having sex with the asshole I shoved in the hallway, but with Harry who actual gives a shit.

He moans against my neck and pushes his cock deep into me, "This pussy is mine." He whispers in a deep, raspy voice.

"Yours." I breathe out, "Yours."

He goes back to thrusting and attacking my neck. I wrap an arm around his neck and sink my nails into his shoulder as I cum around his cock.

"Fuck." He groans lowly, "You feel so fucking good."

I whimper in his ear, "You fuck so good."

He smirks and kisses my cheek and over to my lips. Our lips move in perfect sink and he pulls out and I can feel his cum shoot out into my stomach.

He continues to kiss me, his hand pulls my hips closer to his. He slowly leans back and looks at me, "Who's pussy is this?"

I roll my eyes and smirk, "Yours."

"Damn right it is." He leans up and looks around, "Um.." he gets up and grabs a towel, "Here." He tosses the towel down next to me as he cleans himself off.

"Thanks." I wipe myself off and sit up, I lean over and grab my clothes, slipping my panties and jeans back on, "So what does this mean?" I smirk and laugh.

He shakes his head and smirks, "Nothing more than band mates with benefits."

——

Likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated and don’t forget to hit follow! ♥

[nickssidewitch]

🔥 If The Sturniolo Triplets were Musicians 🪩🎤🎸 (Tarot Reading Kinda) 🔥

This is kind of based off of a random tarot reading and spiritual channeling I did recently, but also just something I brainstormed for fun!!

Don’t be afraid of sending asks of other tarot readings you would like to see, even if you would like a personal reading for yourself! I’m open to anything!

Enjoy! 🔥✨

🥶 Matt Sturniolo:

Genre(s): Pop; Soft Rock; Acoustic; some Hip-Hop features. That’s the type of music Matt listens to anyway, so he’s bound to stick to that quota. I can hear his music sounding similar to Olivia Rodrigo, Omar Apollo, Harry Styles, Shawn Mendes, Hozier, and The 1975.

Content of Songs: Introspective Views of Himself, Love, Friendships, Heartbreak, Emotions, Serious Topics such as mental health, and of course, the occasional sexy love-making anthem. Most (if not all) of his songs would be based on personal experiences around these topics. Some of them may be loosely based on observations of experiences that other people, like his friends or family, may go through.

Instrument(s) of Choice: Guitar, Drums, Piano. Matt would definitely eat up these instruments. He seems like a very hands-on type of guy, so having an instrument or a couple of sticks/mallets in his hand would satisfy that when it comes to the instruments he would choose. He would spend months learning and perfecting these instruments, and wouldn’t be afraid of performing with them on stage. He also loves the sound that a natural instrument brings to a song, rather than just electronic or manufactured sounds.

Specialty: Songwriting and Background Vocals (BGVs). He would be noted for his abilities to portray or express any emotion, time period, or setting in his songs’ lyrics. He would spend years of his career evolving his songwriting, and he could also win awards for songwriting alone. He’s also very good would stacking vocals and creating harmonies in the background of the main vocals. If you’ve seen/heard the way artists like Mariah Carey, Beyoncé, Jacob Collier, Ariana Grande, or Charlie Puth stack their vocals, then you’ll know what I’m talking about.

What Label?: He would sign with Columbia at first, amongst the likes of artists such as Harry Styles, Beyoncé, and Adele, but after a while (or when his contract ends) he will go off on his own and become indie.

Relationship with fans: Cordial with boundaries, but also intimate when meeting fans individually and privately. If you’re familiar with Harry Styles, for example, Matt’s interactions with fans would be quite similar. He will have online interactions with them, but that would decline as the years go by and as he grows in popularity. He would absolutely have a talk with a fan if he meets one on the street somewhere because he feels that a one-on-one conversation would be much more meaningful to that person than just doing autograph signings with a large group of people. He could also chat with a fan in their DMs if he saw something while scrolling through socials about them (i.e. if they painted a portrait of him he would send a DM to thank them, or if a fan randomly said something concerning about their mental health or living situation that randomly popped up on his timeline, he would send them a quick message of encouragement and possibly even help them out financially if need be). He also wouldn’t be afraid of hearing their feedback or criticisms on anything, whether music-related or not.

☔️ Nick Sturniolo:

Genre(s): Pop; Disco; Nostalgic, Experimental; House. Again, this is music that he enjoys to listen to, so it’s something he would be comfortable doing. That doesn’t mean he can’t or won’t branch out though. He could do a couple of acoustic songs as well if he was in the mood to do so (usually the sadder songs). It would have a sound reminiscent of the 80s to the early 2010s, but just very “Nick”. Dua Lipa is a good example of this, but honestly, no artists’ music sounds like the songs I hear in my head that he would make. Again, just very “Nick”.

Content of Songs: From super fun to sad, but nothing depressing. He wants people to feel good when they hear his songs, and wants them to have replay value, even becoming hits that will consistently be played even after his retirement from music.

Instrument(s) of Choice: Electronic Instruments. I feel like Nick would learn little bits of different instruments like basic scales only to do little tune-ups or music production fixes, but he is definitely not someone to play an instrument when he gets on stage or to do a stripped version of a song. He loves the sound of real instruments for sure, but it’s something about just having a universal selection of instruments at your fingertips with just a click of a mouse or tap of drum pad.

Specialty: Production and Music Videos. Nick would LIVE in the studio for days, even WEEKS, to perfect the ensemble of a song or the visuals of a music video. He already is a great photographer, videographer, and an amazing editor for YouTube videos, so why wouldn’t he excel at directing and editing music videos, especially his own? He might be the type to think that no other director, producer, or editor sees his vision for how he wants the video to play out, or hears the song the way that he hears it in his head. Even when he has to meet with other producers to master a song, he’s literally there overseeing everything to make sure they don’t mess up his stylistic choices.

What Label?: Atlantic Records, amongst artists like Melanie Martinez, Ava Max, Kelly Clarkson, Bruno Mars, Charli XCX, and Cardi B.

Relationship with Fans: Interactive, Protective, and Loving. It’s giving “ride or die”. If people come after his fans in a negative way, he will literally protect them and fight off anybody in their way. He’s also the type to interact with fans on social media and wouldn’t be afraid of taking pictures or videos with/for fans. He’s the type to make little games or clues about his next projects, just to stir the fans in a frenzy. He loves his fans dearly and doesn’t forget to say “I love you” with every post he makes, but if his fans are being naughty (i.e. running along with false rumours, posting him and a partner he chooses to keep private, being mean to other fandoms or artists), he’s not afraid of putting them in their place. He’s like the “Momma Bear” of the fandom and will give them tough love if necessary.

🦁 Chris Sturniolo:

Genre(s): Pop; Genre Fusions; Experimental; Hip-Hop/Rap features; some R&B. He’s a man of vast music taste, and so he’s a man of vast genres. He loves to experiment with different genres, even some that he’s only just heard of, and loves to fuse genres together to create something he would call “fire 🔥”. His music would song similar to Frank Ocean, Janelle Monae, RAYE, The Weeknd, Destin Conrad, and SZA. On hip-hop and rap features, he would sing in choruses or sometimes even do a little rap verse for fun, similar to how Justin Bieber does it. One wouldn’t be surprised if he blended his songs with genres like reggae, bachata, or any genre that isn’t your traditional “American” or “popular” genre.

Content of Songs: Love, Heartbreak, Enlightenment, Revival, Fun, Party Anthems. From his own love life, to having fun at parties, to feelings of renewing himself and evolving, Chris would be transparent about his life journey while also giving his audience a chance to have fun for themselves and live in the moment unapologetically.

Instrument(s) of Choice: Guitar, especially electric guitar; bass; electronic instruments. He has signature guitars that his fans know and love, and they even give his guitars little nicknames because of how familiar they are with seeing him playing them. Chris would even call his guitars those fan-given nicknames because of how much he would see them on social media.

Specialty: Live Performances. This man would OWN the stage. His presence would immediately have everyone, even the security guards of the venues, go into a trance. His award show performances would be one of the most talked about of the night, bringing you interesting visuals and new arrangements of his songs.

What Label?: Independent, but many labels would try to scout him. He would also maybe join a friend’s label.

Relationship with Fans: Very Interactive, especially before, during, and after live performances. He loves to interact with fans online, often trolling them about certain conspiracies they may come up with regarding his next projects. He loves to show love to fan-art, edits, and even music reactions on YouTube. He would go on Instagram Lives (or any other streaming platform) for updates on music, touring, etc. He would be the type to bring fans up on stage to dance or sing, or give his microphone to fans in the front row willing to sing their hearts out. He would make jokes on stage or interact with signs. Before and/or after shows, he would talk to his fans, have meet-and-greets, or do little Q&As during sound-checks. And yes, he would crowd-surf.

[mialikeshockey]

Adore You - Mark Estapa

Based on the song “Adore you” by Harry Styles :)

bowling date night with Mark and you can’t do anything but adore the man in front of you.

“You don’t have to say you love me, I just wanna tell you something. Lately you’ve been on my mind. Honey, I’d, I’d walk through fire for you. Just let me adore you. Like it’s the only thing I’ll ever do.”

You hear Mark come home after spending the day with the guys. Your puppy was barking like crazy while you could hear Mark saying hi to them.

He went to the lake with them while you and your friends went too but went home sooner. Mark stayed back to help everyone clean up.

Tonight was also date night. Almost every weekend was. No matter how late. It always happened no matter what.

“You ready, love?” Mark questioned walking into the room. “Almost…give me like five more minutes.” You say as you finish up washing your face. He smiles, while sitting down on the bed.

You and Mark went on dates almost every weekend. Either out to restaurants or just going to places like the bowling alley. The bowling alley was a personal favorite.

Seeing his face light up,as he smiles after making a strike. You couldn’t help but adore him. He was honestly the best boyfriend you can even remember having. He’s extremely sweet.

“All ready.” You take his hand, pressing a kiss into his fingers. While heading out the door Mark grabs his keys still not letting go of your hand.

The drive wasn’t to far. Mark mostly just talked about how we wanted to go to the beach again soon. He loves being out in the water. He sometimes reminds me of a man child. He gets so excited over the smallest things and it’s so adorable.

As we got to the bowling alley, we get our shoes and put our names into the board. Mark just put his as “stop sign” and you put yours “ts lover”. You and Mark always joked around with saying you were a puck bunny for him, even though you actually met Mark at a hockey game.

As the night continues, you and Mark were full of giggles and laughs. You loved nights like this. Practice and hockey free. Non of the team there. Just you and your favorite boy.

“LETS GO BABY!” Mark yells after making another strike. You giggle as he turns over all smiley. Mark sits down next to you and you put your head on his shoulder. “Wanna go get ice cream am after this?” He asks softly.

“Yeah, that sounds good.” You smiled. “We can finish this game up if you want, or we can go now. It’s up to you sweetheart.”

“We can go now if you want too.” You say turning to him. After you guys returned the shoes and got back to the car.

As the night went on it got pretty late. You and Mark were sitting outside of the ice cream shop. “The sky looks so pretty. All the stars…they are extremely bright.” You say while finishing your ice cream.

liked by markestapa, edwards.73, rutgermcgroarty, and others

yourusername i love you but maybe I love our puppy more 😁

markestapa the puppy ain’t even all that but I love you more THAN THE PUPPY. 🥲

^ edwards.73 aye don’t do my bud like that Estapa.

^ markestapa be•tray•al : the action of betraying one's country, a group, or a person; treachery. "the betrayal by the king by his daughter"

rutgermcgroarty why didn’t I get icecream.

^ luca.fantilli bro fr like??

^ mackie.samo we just ain’t cool enough man 🤧

^ markestapa why do u guys comment on all my gfs posts 😐

^ lhughes_06 bc she’s better than u?

^ markestapa bruh my own teammate.

^ edwards.73 dw bro ur still my bf

^ markestapa good 😍

^ yourusername damn. My bf js got taken 😪

——————————————————————

hi sorry ik my posts have been rlly bad lately I have had no motivation whatsoever and anything I come up with I don’t like and I hide in my drafts but Lunas over and when she’s over she forces her motivation on me 🥲 (not rlly she just talks about writing and than I think of something)

But anyways me and her are doing face masks rn and listening to music and it’s 4am 😍 alr bye bye ilyg

tagging some ppl - @lunaaaaaa-nothere @jeromes-scars

[httpcarlossainzcom]

Idealizations Concerning Real Life Relations - cs55

here is part 2 to this mini series

warnings: i have very bad grammar (sorry not sorry….) also this is an 18+ fic minors do not interact!

summary: Carlos loves to be loved, but he doesn’t love in return.

song inspiration: summers over interlude - drake and majid jordan, each time you fall in love - cigarettes after sex, from the dining table - harry styles

word count: 26k (sorry babes)

this is split up into multiple parts so dont worry :)

There’s something about Carlos that makes people drawn to him. He’s charming, enrapturing,  in every sense of the word. Makes people feel special. His laugh is infectious, loud and often more entertaining than the original joke when he does that thing where he claps his hands, or falls to his knees if it’s funny enough. Being around someone like that is refreshing. He’s captivating and easy to be around, easy to love. He’s such a bright light no matter where he goes, a beacon to those in his vicinity.

 And he’s so, so kind. To everyone that speaks to him. Even to those that don’t speak and just look, he offers a kind smile. When someone has his attention, they have it all, his big doe-eyes holding eye contact, nodding to let them know he’s listening and being attentive. He’s a good person. A little hard to understand, hard to get close to. So people say, so you’ve learned. But he’s good. Not much is known about stars, anyway. 

You’re watching him right now, always watching. You’re on another stained sofa in a different house than the one you usually went to with your knees pulled to your chest, a cup of beer resting on your knee. He’s chatting with someone, looks like the guy is showing him his tattoos. Carlos smiles, looks enthused, points to one that he must like based on his reaction. Then he’s holding up his own forearm, pointing to a small piece of ink, and then of course, he’s pointing at you.

Just before coming here, you and him had been at his tattoo shop. He drew the most beautiful, intricate little shooting star into your ribs. A little fireball attached to a long trail of stardust, smaller little twinkles falling off of it. It was simple clean line work, lines thin and dark. And then you drew two of the most basic five pointed stars on him, in a small blank space of his already existing sleeve. 

You warned him, told him you couldn’t draw a straight line with a ruler, let alone a heavy, vibrating tattoo gun. But he assured you he wanted it, that he needed to get that spot filled anyway. 

Though both stars are small, one is bigger than the other. 

‘This one is you,’ you had said, pointing to the larger star, ‘and this one is me,’ you continued, moving to point to the smaller one. 

‘Is it?’ Carlos had asked, a teasing smile gracing his mouth as he leaned into you. 

‘Yeah,’ you had breathed against his lips. 

Your soft kisses turned to soft touches, touches that transformed into soft moans. Right there in the parlor.

He’s talking louder now, getting excited. “Look how good her lines are! I didn’t even have to help her that much…” he goes on and on and you smile into your cup. 

It was actually a really shitty tattoo. Lopsided, with the points of the stars all different lengths. But hearing him praise you, express how much he actually likes it? It makes your heart burn, glowing bright pink in your chest. You get up and sonder over to him.

He smiles as he sees you, opens his arm up for you to tuck yourself into his side. His arm going over your shoulder, and yours going around his waist. You rest your empty hand on his tummy, can feel how it tenses as he laughs. 

“Ah, my little artist herself!” he says.

“That’s a stretch,” you deny, looking towards the guy across from you, “Alex right?”

He nods. “Yeah the one who has spent the last 5 years in school studying medicine and plants,” his voice holds a twinge of regret, a longing for life that isn’t run by tests and grading scales.

You laugh lightly. Ah, the botany guy. “Graduate program?” you ask.

He nods again.

You tap your fingers on Carlos’s stomach, trying to think of something else to say. “Oh! Do you know Charles? He’s not in the same plant… program or whatever but he’s doing a graduate program too.”

Alex smiles. “I don’t know him aside from the parties he shows up at sometimes, but I’ve heard of him around campus. Where is he by the way? You usually have him and Luiza with you when you show up here right?”

Your brow furrows as you take another sip of your drink, readjusting yourself so your back is against Carlos’s chest. He rests his hands on your hips, and cheekily pushes against your ass. You ignore him. “I actually don’t know? We haven’t hung out in a while…” you hum contemplatively while you play with your bottom lip. You look up at Carlos. “Do you know? Lando’s not here either.”

He shrugs, expression bored. “Lando said he has something to do tonight, maybe he’s finally eating Luiza’s pussy. And you know Charles hates these parties almost as much as you.”

You pout still, but Alex swiftly changes the subject.

“Anywho, you’re a tattoo artist now?” he tilts his drink in the direction of Carlos’s arm, his smile playful and knowing. “Must be pretty special to be able to get behind the gun and work on this one. He’s a snob.”

You’re about to deny it once again but Carlos interrupts you with a snort. “Obviously she’s special, we are special friends.”

Alex’s eyebrows raise and you laugh a little. Your eyes sparkle when you look up at the brunette behind you. “Are you drunk?”

He grumbles and wraps his arms around you tighter before mumbling into your neck. “No… not really, but I am horny,” he whispers.

You tut at him, scolding with a whisper, “I literally just jerked you off earlier.”

You’re swiftly ignored as he turns his attention back to Alex, “If you’ll excuse us, we have to put aquaphor on our tattoos.”

You send Alex an apologetic smile, but he just laughs, turning to head in the direction of the kitchen. 

Carlos’s hand is tight when it grips yours, a vice like hold as he drags you through the house. It’s at a frat this time, so the upstairs is lined with bedrooms. People are littered through the hall, and in the open bathroom you can see a girl cutting a line on the porcelain sink. The guy behind her holds her hair for her. A modern romance, like a scene from a movie. There are the stereotypical socks on door knobs, and thankfully the music is way too loud and the bass is boosting so you can’t hear what’s going on behind the doors. You almost run into Carlos’s back when he comes to a stop in front of a locked door void of any sock.

“Carlos,” you hiss, “we can’t just have sex in a random person’s room.”

He’s somehow procured a key and gets the door open. “Yes we can, but this isn’t someone random’s room, it’s ’s. He lets me use it sometimes.”

He doesn’t notice the slip of the tongue, once again, but it leaves an icky taste in your mouth. Thick and unpleasant on your tongue. But you know in due time the taste will change, into one of starlight, heady and intoxicating, and so wholly Carlos. 

“Lando goes to uni? I never see him on campus,” you wonder aloud tentatively taking a step through the threshold. It looks like a typical college boys room. A desk with a computer and school work scattered all over. A floor littered with shoes and clothes, along with a nightstand that has the lamp, the lotion bottle, and the kleenex box that sit on top of it. You laugh to yourself. Weird. 

“Mmm, he’s enrolled and goes just enough to not get kicked out so he can keep getting his student loans and living here,” he replies as he locks the door. 

Immediately he’s backing you into the bed, urging you to lay down. He stays close, lips on yours, hands hastily pushing your shirt up and over your head so your top half is bare under him. He pauses while straddling you, looks at you with hooded eyes, taking in the way your long hair fans out against the grey sheets of Lando’s bed. With eyes raking over your skin, his tongue peeks out to lick at his lips subconsciously as he fondles your tits.

“You’re so sexy, your body is so nice,” He pinches your nipples, making them pebble between his finger tips, “love the way you respond to me,” he purrs.

You make a soft embarrassed sound as you blush and bring your hands to your face to hide.

Like every time you try to hide from him, he pulls your hands away and gives you a sly yet sweet smile. He looks down at you, eyes twinkling with amusement. “Why do you still get so shy with me? Hmm?” With your hands in his, he brings them to his clothed torso, urging you to touch him. 

His mouth parts when you graze his nipples, and he breathes out a tiny, pleased laugh. “I get the same way for you, can’t you feel it?” He trails your hands down even farther, until they are rubbing against the bulge in his jeans. He sighs, head hanging back, letting you pleasure him for just a moment.

You go to undo his belt but he stops you. “Not yet,” he says as he swats your hand away. He kneels down, kisses and sucks at your collarbones, as he grinds softly into your lower belly, quiet little sighs sneaking out between his kisses. 

He’s slowly moving down your body until he gets to the new tattoo, fresh and vibrant against your skin, the edges still a little red. He gently runs a finger over it, before kissing next to it, all around it. “I love it, do you love it?” he murmurs, doe-eyes jumping between the ink and your face.

You run a hair through his brunette locks, brushing them out of his face. “Yeah, you did such a good job, thank you.”

He hums and you feel him smile into your ribs before making his way a little lower. You stop him by pulling at the hair you have a grip on.

“Wait, I wanna- you always take care of me…” you look at his cock. “Let me?” you ask.

He sits back up and regards you like he’s debating on letting you have your way with him before he huffs and shuffles off the bed. He stands at the edge and rids himself of his shoes and socks and you watch as you follow his example. 

Next he gets rid of his shirt. You take him in, admiring the lithe, trim cut of his small waist, how his jeans and belt rest on his hip bones, the lightest little fuzz of hair that travels down his lower belly. The very obvious hard on pushing against the zip. You crawl over and sit on the edge of the bed in front of him. He cradles your face and your eyes flutter shut at the touch.

“You wanna take care of me, my baby? Wanna make me feel good?” 

You nod as you take his arm into your hold, glancing at him through your lashes before pressing a sweet kiss next to the tattoo you gave him. He coos.

“C’mere,” he says, applying light pressure with the hand on your face.

Up close you can see the flush that has taken over his skin. He has little droplets of sweat forming at his hairline. It’s always so hot at these parties. Maybe it’s because you’re always with him when you attend. He’s always burning so bright, fiery hot. 

The hand on your face pinches your cheek sweetly, and now, your cheeks are warm too. He laughs a little before he kisses you. “I know just how you can make me feel good, pretty,” he says against your lips, biting quick and sharp.

He threads a hand in your hair at the back of your head and guides your mouth to his neck. “You can kiss me here,” he sighs, extending it so you have more room. “And here,” down to his collarbones.

You kiss and suckle softly at the bone that protrudes, and pull the thin skin between your teeth for just a second. You moan when Carlos hisses and the hold in your hair tightens. Pulling away, you look up at him. He looks down his nose at you, bites his lip before he smirks a little.

“You wanna mark me, don’t you? Was the tattoo not enough?” he answers the unspoken question swimming in your eyes, while simultaneously teasing. He’s acting cocky, but his voice is airy and has a bit more vibrato than normal, giving away how aroused he is. 

You nod eagerly. Of course you want to mark him, of course the tattoo wasn’t enough. Maybe you’re greedy, or maybe you’re just in love. But you don’t think it will ever be enough; a part of you will always yearn for more. He takes his time searching your face before he nods a single, short time. 

Carlos doesn’t usually let you mark him, and if he does, he’s usually particular about where. This fuels you, and you sink your teeth into his faintly sun kissed skin, rolling it between your teeth harshly, sucking until you’re sure that his skin has turned the color of the prettiest violet. 

When you lick at your work to help ease the ache, a moan gets caught in his throat. You rub your thighs together. His noises always get to you, always make your pussy weep inside of your panties. With his chest rising and falling rapidly, he pulls you off and pushes you back onto the bed, a little forcefully, but you don’t mind. He’s always been a little rough with you. Stars are known to be destructive from time to time. 

He crowds your space, taking a spot in between your open legs. Being sat on the bed, his abdomen is eye level, and he pulls you to his tummy when he twines both his hands in your hair again. You lick the center line off his abs before you kiss, wet and open mouthed.

“Yeah, kiss me there,” he moans. 

You peek up quickly, and see that his head is tilted back again, blissfully letting your mouth work over his skin. His hands in your hair massage at your scalp encouragingly. Gentle and subconscious with his movements. His abs tense and jump when you nibble at one of the bumps of muscle, and he pushes into you, eager, maybe a little desperate. Although he would never admit that. 

He holds you there, guiding you where he wants you till he’s pleased and backs away from the bed enough for you to have space on the floor when you drop to your knees.

Your pussy pulses, gets a fluttery heart beat of its own, as you watch Carlos undo his belt. Anticipation makes you sink a hand between your thighs, makes you press and put a little pressure on your cunt to give you just a bit of relief. 

His hands are big and strong, and the glint of the belt buckle matches the glint of the rings that decorate his fingers. The glint of the zipper as he pulls it down. He rubs himself over his boxers, shimmying his jeans down just little as he does it.

“Do you wanna kiss me here too?” He’s smiling a tiny smile, talking quietly as his fingertips play with the tip of his cock. He sounds a little breathless too. 

“Please,” you all but whimper, mouth watering.

He hums, while he drags his briefs down his length until it springs out and bounces back to his tummy. He sighs when he starts to stroke himself with one hand, the other settling on your face, petting a little before he taps an open palm on it.

You try to hold in the moan, but when his hand connects with your skin again, just a little harder than before, you can’t. It makes Carlos’s hand on his cock speed up. His mouth parts in awe. Gripping your jaw, he pushes it side to side, and you just let him. You let him play with you like a little doll. Another teasing smack lands on your face.

He sighs, lust filled and dreamy. “God, you’d let me do whatever I want to you, wouldn’t you?” His thumb is running over the slightly reddened skin of your cheek. You nod in his hold. 

You would. It’s scary to think about, the extent you feel like you’d go to, to have him, what you’d let him do, let him get away with.

He brings his cock to your lips, but pulls it back when you try to suckle it. You pout, and then he taps the tip of it against your lips, groaning when he says, “Yeah, I know you would, you’re so good to me, so perfect,” he taps the length of his cock on your cheek a few times, he marvels at the little string of precum that connects his tip to the apple of your cheek. 

His cock feels thick and hot and a pleasant kind of heavy on your cheek, much like how it feels on your tongue. When he finally lets you taste him, you start by curling your tongue around the crown, licking up some of the precum that has dribbled from his slit. You love it when he leaks for you. It shows you what you do to him, how bad he wants you. He confirms it when he sighs small affirmations.

“That’s it, such a good girl for me.”

 You look at him, smiling a little at the praise, tongue teasing his slit, and his face makes your pussy throb. His mouth is parted and his eyes are hooded, like he wants to close them, bask in the pleasure, but keeps them open because the desire to watch you with his cock in your mouth outweighs it. He pushes his hips forward.

“Suck it, baby,” he whispers, soft and salacious as he guides the tip past your lips, little by little until it touches the back of your throat.

You’re confident about a few things, but your head game is close, if not at the top of your list. Little to no gag reflex to hold you back, mouth wet and sloppy as you drool all over his length. Tongue skilled as it moves up and down the sensitive vein running on the underside, while your throat contracts around his tip. 

His hips stutter like he’s gonna pull out before he pushes in as far as he can, hands forming a makeshift ponytail with your hair as he holds you down, buries your nose in the coarse patch of groomed hair at the base of his cock. He moans, whines, high pitched and loud. He pulls out of your throat with a gasp.

“Fuck, your mouth,” he drools, praises. 

He gives you a second to catch your breath, admires the way your eyes are glassy with tears, mascara smudging the slightest bit, surely to be running by the time he’s done with you. You love it when he fucks you hard enough to make you cry, hard enough to make your makeup run. It shows how well he did it, how badly he made you fall apart. He’s got a few pictures on his phone of you looking ruined and fucked out. He says you look so pretty like that, with teary eyes, a messy face, and hair knotted from being fucked into the mattress. 

Then he’s fucking your mouth. Hand coming down to your neck so he can feel the way his cock fills it up every time his hips snap forward. His body curls over yours some as he bends a little to reach your neck, and you can feel the heat from his body ignite the air around you as he slides deeper, inch by inch . 

Every time he pulls out you take a quick breath through your nose, before he’s pushing in again, your throat like a spit-slick cocksleeve designed specifically for him. The perfect amount of wet and the tightest type of grip. His breathing is audible and ragged above you, harsh huffs, and occasional moans color the air when you swallow around him. His cock is so hard and hot in your mouth, throbbing and pulsing on your tongue. 

Your hands are on his thighs and you can feel them tense, almost tremble as he pulls your head down onto him over and over again. He’s less considerate now, stingy with the breaths he allows you to take while he chases that high.  He’s groaning loud and unabashed, and you’re choking, bubbles of spit forming at the corners of your mouth and around the base of his cock. He holds you down one more time, shaking your head by the ponytail so that the tip of his cock rubs against the back of your throat then he’s hastily pulling you off.

You rest your forehead on his lower belly, trying to catch your breath. You can feel him too, getting a hold of himself, due to the expanding of his stomach as he takes deep breaths. He still has his hands on you, touching just like always, running his fingers through your hair. Until he’s pulling you up by it.

He’s quick to get his lips on you, and his tongue is quick to slide into your mouth. When he tastes himself on you, he sighs, smiles into the kiss. With hands cupping your face, you smile back, basking in the attention and sweet affection. You reach your hand down and grab his cock and his hips jerk. He pulls away at first before subtly fucking into your hand and moaning. You drink it down like the sweetest champagne, his sounds intoxicating in their own right. 

“Fuck,” he whispers as he rests his forehead against yours, “wanted to cum in that mouth so bad… wanna cum in your hand right now,” he pushes a long slow thrust into your palm, his foreskin sliding with his movements. He sounds like it’s so difficult to hold back, to keep from cumming right there in the palm of your hand.  “You’ve got me so hot baby, wanna cum inside you…” He places the softest, pleading kiss to your lips. 

It almost sounds like a question, his voice light and airy, lilting up at the end. Soft and gentle as he brushes his nose against yours, a gesture that is as painful as it is sweet, a touch too tender for what you both are. But it makes you keen in his hold, body pressing to his, as close as you can get. 

Your hands are running over him, and his running over you, just taking up each other’s space, breathing each other’s breaths. His hands slide to your hips and spin you around so you’re facing the bed, a little rough, impatient, as they yank your pants and panties down. They knead at your ass, when you lower to your forearms and arch your back, presenting yourself to him. 

Carlos drops to his knees behind you, spreads your cheeks so he can see your cunt, pretty and pink and glistening. He rubs his two first fingers in between your plush lips, and your legs spread wider. You push back into his touch.

“Just fuck me, please, I can’t wait,” you breathe.

He hums, plays with your pussy a little more before you feel him spit on it. Then he buries his face into you, tongue coming out and licking from your clit, to your core, all the way to your hole between your spread cheeks. He swirls his tongue around it and you peep, the feeling oddly pleasant, but unexpected. Carlos huffs a little laugh  while he pulls away. He sheds his pants, and you follow suit, before settling atop the bed, once more on all fours.

His big hands fall on your ass, jiggling it a little. He groans at the way the fatty part ripples before settling back into place. Gripping his cock with one hand and pulling a cheek to the side with the other, he rubs the tip between your silky lips. The sloppy, wet noises fill the room, loud and clear. The sound of the distant chatter and subdued party music outside the door is distant, barely there, all your focus on Carlos. He hisses as he watches his cock sink inside of you.

“So wet…” he rasps out as he fucks into you with shallow thrusts. He can see your arousal shiny and sticky on his cock, no lube needed.

You nod as your head dips, hanging between your forearms. He bottoms out and you let out a high pitched whine. “Yeah, want you so bad, baby…”

He stays buried to the hilt for a moment, hands running over your ass, your back, squeezing at the smallest part of your waist. His touch feels so good, electric on your skin. But you’ve felt his cock before, many times, and you’re no stranger to how good that feels. It makes you lean forward, makes you drag your cunt up his length, before you push yourself back onto it. 

Carlos gasps, hands squeezing hard at the motion. “Fuck… keep doing that.”

You whimper as your work your pussy over him, throwing your hips back, fast and consistent. Getting high off the sounds Carlos is making behind you. The soft curses, the loud groans when you start to circle your hips slightly. The way he just lets you make him feel good. 

You collapse onto the bed, arms giving out due to the pleasure coursing through your body, and you turn your face to the side, hands gripping the sheets beneath you. His palm settles on the small of your back, halting your movements so that he can snap his hips forward, punching pleased gasps from you. You turn your face into the sheets, trying to quiet yourself. 

He doesn’t like that apparently. If the hand gripping your hair and yanking is enough to go by.

His body is over yours, chest to your back as he fucks into you with short, hard thrusts. “Wanna hear you pretty girl, want everyone to hear you,” he whispers in your ear.

You squirm in his hold, slowly getting overwhelmed by the way his body is making you feel, by the way you slowly climb higher and higher until you feel like you could touch the stars. “Feels… so good…” 

“Yeah, I fuck you the best don’t I?” he purrs, “Better than anyone before me? Better than anyone will after me too, right? Always gonna want this cock, aren’t you?”

You whine because you know it’s true. You know no matter what you do or what happens between you and Carlos, he’s always going to live in your head, always going to have a place in your heart, your body is always going to remember him and long for him. Not even just in a sexual sense either. You think he knows this all too well.

He pulls out of you with a ragged breath before situating himself on his side behind you. He urges you to push yourself against him, back to his front, spooning. He grips the thigh of your top leg, pulls it up to your chest.

“Keep them open,” he instructs.

You do as he says, looking down your body where you see him bring the tip of his cock to your center again. He’s watching you though, braced on his elbow, while his free hand guides himself into you. The way your eyes roll back before squeezing shut with knitted brows makes Carlos sigh, the way your mouth drops open when he pushes in the last few inches makes him moan.

He’s going slow. Long, punctuated plunges into your cunt. He’s got his face buried in the place where your neck meets your shoulders. Breathing out lewd moans, his grip on your hip tightens as he bites and kisses at your throat, breath scalding as he pants into your skin.

“Love your pussy, fuck…” he brings skilled fingers to your clit and starts to massage with tight constant circles. You buckle in his hold, glance down at his hand again, watching as he touches you just the way you like, the way he knows you like. The way he knows will get you shaking in no time.

“Please let me cum,” you beg.

He hasn’t purposefully been edging you, but you’re worked up. Usually he fingers you, goes down on you, before you even get his cock inside of you. But due to the change in routine today and the lack of stimulation, the pressure in your core has been building quick, almost putting you at your breaking point already. 

He’s well aware, voice teasing yet aroused when he coos, “You wanna cum baby? Yeah, you do?” 

You twist in his hold some so that you can look at him, show him the tears in your eyes, hoping that they convey how badly you want to do just that. 

His eyes are shiny too, pleasure so raw and apparent in them. He kisses you, licks into your mouth as he keeps that slow pace to his hips. The one that’s so deep, the one that brushes your sweet spot inside every time he glides against your sensitive walls. 

“Want you to cum too,” he says it with a sigh, like he’s so close, just needs you to finish him off, “you’ve got me so… think I could cum just from being inside you while you cream on my cock, just from feeling that messy little cunt cum around me,” he’s moaning as he speaks, his hips losing rhythm, speeding up some as he gets closer.

You nod, the hand you’re leaning on holding tight at the sheets, the other keeping your legs spread. “Yeah, want you to cum inside me, cum with me…” Your eyes are closed, and your voice is kind of delirious as you feel it all come to a head. Your pussy is already tightening around him.

He hisses. “There you go, that’s it baby… can feel how close you are,” his hips have almost stopped, just the smallest, minute little thrusts still going. He brings the fingers on your clit down to your leaking cunt just for a second getting them nice and wet before circling your bud again, faster, a little harder than before. Focusing on your pleasure, on making you finish. You keen as the leg you’re holding up starts to shake.

“Gonna cum,” you warn, the hand that was gripping the sheets coming up to your tit to play with your nipple.

Carlos curses on a moan, “Yeah, fuck… me too.”

He feels it, the way your body goes tense before you let go. How you tremble against him as your orgasm rushes through you, moans and whimpers falling from your lips. Your pussy clenching around his cock is what sends him over the edge. 

“Fuck, I’m cumming-” he gasps out quickly, before biting down on your shoulder, grunts of pleasure muffled as he fucks into you as deep as he can, repeatedly, with those small thrusts. You feel his cock throb inside of you, cum filling you up. 

You smile, serene and spent when he goes limp behind you. His arm comes around your waist, pulls you closer. He keeps his cock tucked inside. You run your fingertips over his arm and feel the slight scabbing of the stars on his skin.

He shivers at the touch. Sitting up some, he curls over you. Your eyes are still closed, content, chest still rising and falling with your deep breaths. He leans in and kisses you, so sweet. Tastes like rose petals dipped in sugar. 

He’s still on your lips when he mutters, “Now we have to figure out a way to get out of here without getting any cum on Lando’s sheets.”

You giggle, nod, and then kiss him again. You’ll clean up in a little. 

It’s deliberate, the way you choose not to think about the reason why he wants to clean up, get going. How he doesn’t want to stay the night with you. 

~~~

“I want you to get out a pen and a piece of paper and then clear off the rest of your belongings.”

School is back in session, winter break ending far too soon. It’s your last semester, your degree is so close you can almost taste it, with only 3 classes left till you’re walking the stage in your cap and gown. One of the classes is a writing class that you saved till the end of your university run so you had something to look forward to. 

It’s a Thursday afternoon and you’re sitting in the back of your Creative Writing lecture hall. Someone’s eating so it smells disgustingly of peanut butter and the seats are filled with college students who just rolled out of bed at 12pm, everyone slightly disheveled and the crowd lackluster as the professor paces the front of the room. She’s quickly become one your favorites however, the last few weeks in her class proving to be entertaining as well as educational. You paw your sweater sleeve up in your fist and hold it to your nose and lean forward attentively.

“Now, I want you to think about someone you love. It can be a real person, fictional, completely imaginary. Dead or alive. Old or young. Doesn’t matter. You just have to love them.”

Of course starry doe-eyes flash in your mind. A crooked grin that pulls down a little farther on the right side. The centered mole just under his bottom lip that you kiss softly, so often when he’s distracted. The scar on his cheek that you run your fingers over when he’s resting on you. You do love Carlos, you have for a while now.

“Write that person’s name at the top. They are going to be the model of basis and foundation for one of the characters in the short story project that we have due mid-April. So you’ve got approximately 2 months to finish it.” 

A chorus of groans sound around the hall. The boy in front of you rests his head on his arms, looking defeated.

“Hey,” your professor laughs, “this is the last year for most of you and this is the only project you have this semester. And it was in the syllabus. Not sure why you all sound so despondently surprised. You didn’t really think you would get through the whole course without one did you?” she inquires, still pacing the front of the room with a quirked brow.

You honestly don’t mind. It will be a good distraction when you’re left to entertain yourself. Carlos’s actually been more on top of his apprenticeship attendance lately. It’s a good thing of course, but you don’t see him as much as you used to. That’s not to say that you aren’t together an incessant amount, just a bit less than normal. You scribble a tiny ‘Chili ♡’ at the top of your paper.

“Now with your muse in mind, I’m going to ask you a series of questions so that we can get some finite details about your fictional character on paper for you to use and reference as you’re writing,” she pauses, clicks to another slide on the projector. “What is their favorite color?”

After writing the question you pause. Surely it’s red right? That’s basically the only color he wears. Maybe black? You had helped him color his hair black just a few days ago, the stains on your pillow a lightish grey colored reminder every night… Still, you go with your first instinct, scrawling ‘red’ on the lined paper.

“Their birthday?”

You’re quick to answer this one, he’s a Virgo, so his birthday is… A small frown starts to tug at the corners of your lips. What day in September did he say? Did he ever say? Did you guys ever even actually talk about birthdays? ‘Virgo’ gets written next to question 2.

“Are they close to their parents? Closer to the mother or father? Are they estranged? If you know why, please elaborate.”

You know you don’t know this one. Fairly certain Carlos hasn’t even mentioned them in passing.

“What role, or character archetype are they playing in your story?” she clasps her hands in front of her. “Are they the hero? The love interest? The villain?”

You answer that one hastily.

A few more questions are asked, some that you can answer, some that you can’t. They gradually get deeper, more personal as your professor carries on with them.

“Okay. Now I want you to think hard about this character, and about the muse you’ve crafted them after. Could you answer all of the questions I asked?” She moves a weighted gaze around the room. You feel like she’s looking directly at you when she speaks again. “Do you really love the person you chose for the basic character prototype? Again, they could have been real, imaginary or fictional, but do you really love them, or do you love the idea of them? The version of them that you have pieced together in those brains of yours.”

Your heart stops for just a moment, you can almost feel how you pale, the color draining from your cheeks. She continues.

“I only ask because I want you to grow to love the character you are creating. This isn’t Psychology, I’m not here to make you question the love, or emotions you do or don’t feel,” the class laughs at this. The class with the exception of you. “But I am here to make you better writers. And one skill that you can have as a writer, a creative, or fiction writer especially, is building a connection with your characters. You’re going to be working on their, the character you’re outlining, story for the next few months. And when I read your work I want to be able feel the connection you have with them.” 

She waits for it to sink in before continuing. “So I ask again: Do you love the muse you’ve chosen, or do you love the idea of them? Because loving someone and loving the idea of them are two completely different things. To love an idea of someone or something is to love it in a very surface level and/or superficial way. Still with me?” she questions.

You are, but you wish you weren’t. You think you’re going to be sick.

“Good, so as I was saying. It’s superficial. To be blunt, you love them for what they could be not for what they really are. As writers, many of us are guilty of this.”

The thing about being a hopeless romantic is that you think about life in could be’s.

“To truly love someone or something is to know all the little details about them, their virtues and their flaws. The reason why they prefer winter to spring. How old they were when they got their heartbroken for the first time. When they figured out who they are as a person, or if they are still searching. I asked those questions at the beginning of class to get you thinking.” 

Your hands are starting to tremble just a little. Words on your paper coming out sloppy. You do love Carlos.

Your professor takes a deep breath, flips to another slide. “How can you expect to love the character when you don’t even truly love who they are modeled after?”

The room is quiet for a second. Someone raises their hand.

“Isn’t it possible for characters to change as you write them? Like I can’t change my person, but I can change my character, like write them the way I want so that I end up loving them.”

Your professor laughs again, light and airy as if she expected someone to ask. “Ah, yes. Character development is a thing of course. Although this is something that happens naturally throughout the story. But to change your character, like how you described?” she shakes her head and tsks, “Is it really love if you have to change them?”

The sound of your paper crumpling is blaring in the quiet room. You pull out a new sheet, writing your sister’s name at the top. Her favorite color is green, her birthday is July 8th, she’s closer to your dad because you and your mom have always had a bond she couldn’t recreate with her, she’s the hero in the story, not the love interest like Carlos was… The lecture continues, and you don’t even notice when the bell rings, too busy thinking about how you do love Carlos.

~~~

Carlos’s playing the newest version of Final Fantasy on his PS, the one you got him for Valentine’s day just a few days ago. You remembered him passively saying that he hadn’t played since he was little, and how he said he missed racing the chocobo’s. 

His eyes flicker between his tv and you walking around his room. You’ve been to his apartment many times, but still, you always move around and take everything in like it’s your first time there; your fingers running over his manga collection in the corner, tidying up his desk, lighting the linen candle you brought from your place. 

‘A gentle smell’ you had told him with a sweet smile, ‘because you’re sensitive to certain scents.’

He gets distracted, the pleated skirt you’re wearing catching his eye even more than the improved graphics of the game. He doesn’t quite hear you when you speak up.

“Huh?” he asks, dragging his gaze up your body only to be met with a knowing look of your own. He smiles sheepishly.

You roll your eyes, before taking a seat in his computer chair, not too far from his bed where he’s sat. Flipping through one of his tattoo sketchbooks you ask again, “What’s your favorite color?”

Carlos isn’t surprised when you decide to make conversation. Before you started wandering around his room, you were on the bed with him while he played but you were a little fidgety and fussy, like you had something on your mind. He suspected you got up to try and distract yourself from your thoughts.

He hums and tells you that it’s black, maybe red. 

You ask his birthday next. He tells you September 1st. 

Adjusting himself against the headboard of his bed, he opens for you when you make your way to him, crawling across his duvet. You take it upon yourself to settle between his thighs, back against his chest. He wraps his arms around you and continues to play, his chin resting atop your head. He smiles to himself when he feels you start to trace the stars on his arm.

“Are you close to your parents?” you question again.

He makes a small pondering noise. “Not really.”

“Why not?”

“Uh- they worked a lot I guess and-” He pauses. You don’t sound like you’re prying, just soft curiosity lacing your tone, but he still hesitates. “Why are you asking?”

You hum and lean up a little to peck at the line of his jaw. He purrs at the contact, content. “Just wondering,” you state, pressing back into his chest.

It’s quiet for a bit, you annoyingly plucking at the little bit of arm hair he has, making him laugh and playfully scold you, nuzzling into you and nipping at your cheek in retaliation. You giggle and he gets that sharp feeling in his chest, just like he always does.

He thinks that’s the end of your questioning but too soon, you speak up again. “Do you prefer Winter or Spring?”

“Winter, but my favorite season is Fall,” he says glancing down at you quickly before redirecting his attention to his game again. “You’re being weird, are we playing 20 questions or something? No, I’m not a virgin. What color panties are you wearing?” he asks, trying to make a joke.

He chuckles when you lift your skirt to check before flipping it down again. “Pink,” you reply.

You’re about to talk again but he interrupts you, “Wait let me see, I didn’t get a good look.”

He hears you huff and can imagine you rolling your eyes as you do what he asks. You put it down again after a few seconds.

“Just a little longer,” he tries.

“Ugh, can you stop,” you say, a giggle leaking into the words, “I’m trying to talk to you!”

He groans over dramatically like he’s exhausted, but he gives in. He always does with you. 

“How old were you when you lost it? Your virginity?”

The fond feeling in his chest starts to dwindle, and Carlos can feel the first little pricks of irritation poke at him as he answers your question shorter than before. “17 or 18.”

You make a small surprised noise, looking up at him shocked. “Really that old?”

He doesn’t glance back, stays focused on his game, hoping that you get the hint that he doesn’t want to ‘talk’ like this. “Yeah, I was a late bloomer and also an idiot.”

You smile at him before going back to tracing his tattoos. “I doubt you were an idiot. That was just part of your story, a little chapter in your life.”

He tenses at your words but shortly after, a lull falls into the conversation. But as soon as Carlos relaxes, a small frown takes over his face when you ask if the girl had been his girlfriend. And again, you don’t sound overbearing or anything, but he knows you can tell he’s not interested or invested in your questions. The atmosphere has shifted from pleasant and content to stiff and vexatious.

“Yup,” he says, voice taking a stern edge despite his efforts to mask it. 

He feels you tense against his chest, your fingers halting on his arm. “Are you mad at me?” you ask hesitantly.

Immediately he feels bad, and sighs. “No, I’m not,” he says quietly, trying to be gentle. 

But it seems you just don’t get it, because not even a few minutes later you’re asking, “How long were you together?”

And he does his best to not snap at you, but he can’t stop himself when he goes rigid behind you and his words come out harsh and scathing. “Why does it matter and why the fuck are you interrogating me all of a sudden?”

You turn around between his legs and gape at him with a shocked expression. “I’m not interrogating you? I’m literally just making conversation? Trying to get to know you better?” 

“And why’s that?” he says, his tone flippant and annoyed.

You pout and furrow your brows. “Am I not allowed to get to know you?”

His jaw ticks and he casts an annoyed gaze around his room, looking anywhere but at you, as if not acknowledging the confused and hurt arch of your brow will make it go away. “You haven’t tried to in the last what? Five months?”

“Six,” you correct him quietly.

You sound unsure, like you don’t know why he’s lashing out like he is. And to be fair, it’s out of character for him, at least with you. He’s really not this cold towards you very often, almost ever. 

Usually things with you both are great, easy. Fitting together in each other’s lives almost perfectly. So seamlessly they are almost completely intertwined at this point. You meeting him for his breaks at his lessening shifts at the coffee shop, him meeting you after classes when he doesn’t have work, going to each other’s places after he gets off from his apprenticeship. The parties every now and again. The tattoos. 

But he supposes it’s easy to put two blank canvases together when there are no details known about either of them. That’s what he was hoping for at least.

“So am I just not allowed to?” you repeat when he stays silent.

With an irked groan he tosses his controller to the side and rubs his hands over his face, rakes them through his navy hair. “I just don’t get why you are asking in the first place.”

You regard him quietly for a moment, taking in his bored stare. He knows the disinterest in his tone is agonizingly apparent, and he knows it hurts you, just like the detached dismissal that he has ready on the tip of his tongue will. He expects you to keep pushing, to bicker with him just so he doesn’t give you the silent treatment. 

He doesn’t expect you to start crawling off his bed. 

He sighs and reaches out for you, getting a grip on your arm before you can get away completely. “C’mon, what are you doing? Are you mad at me now?”

“I’m not mad, I just don’t see the point in staying here if you aren’t going to talk to me.” You’re trying to sound impassive, but he can hear the hurt in your voice.

“But I am talking to you. I talk to you all the time, what do you mean?” He hates that he almost sounds like he’s whining, but he just doesn’t understand and he’s frustrated that you are prying and making things deeper than they need to be, than they should be.

“Not about things that matter,” you reply curtly.

“But the things you’re asking about literally do not matter, ___,” he states, just as short.

You hang your head back and he can see your lashes fluttering rapidly. He knows you’re trying to not cry. Blinking to rid your eyes of unshed tears. You do that sometimes, cry when you get frustrated. As articulate as you are, sometimes things are hard to get out. You sound defeated and disheartened, but your words also have a hurt edge to them when you say, “They matter to me, anything that has to do with you matters to me.”

He knew you were close to tears, but when you look at him with glossy eyes, he softens almost instantly.

“Baby,” he coos, sighing again as he tugs you back to between his legs, back to his chest like when the conversation first started. He wraps his arms around you and kind of sways a little as he pecks your hair. “I just don’t think it’s important. Like the past is the past, and that’s it, you know?”

He knows you’re pouting, and your voice is short and whiny when you insist, “I just want to know.”

He hangs his head back and knocks it lightly against his headboard, trying to be patient with you. “It wasn’t like a bad relationship or anything like that but I just-”

“Does it still bother you?”

“No, but it’s still something I’d rather not think or talk about,” he’s talking to you slowly, like a child. 

You’re quiet for some time, but Carlos just waits, knows you have more questions.

It’s tentative and rushed when you speak again. “Was she your only girlfriend? If it wasn’t a bad relationship, why did you break up with her?”

 He takes a deep breath, actively trying to not be short with you. “She was the only serious one, and she broke up with me. Nothing really happened.” He shrugs, tone getting softer as he speaks. “Just the stereotypical case of unreciprocated love, or like one person just not feeling it anymore.”

“So you loved her?” It asked so quietly that he almost doesn’t hear you over the chimes of his game still playing in the background, forgotten and now sound tracking the trepid atmosphere around you.

He doesn’t verbally reply, just nods. He knows you’ll feel the movement.

It hurts him when you go still in his hold. Like you didn’t want that to be the answer. You recover quickly, however, inquiring him again. “Did she break your heart?”

He can’t help but laugh a little behind you, the words sounding far too dramatic for him. “Yeah I guess so?” he answers, “But it wasn’t like traumatizing if that’s what you’re thinking. I just cared for her more than she cared about me in the end. That’s how it always is, right?” He pauses, hums like he’s thinking. “Plus she was the first girl I was with, blah blah blah, you know how the story goes.”

You make a confused noise in front of him like you’re trying to understand and wrap your head around what he just said. “Did that really not affect you at all?”

You’re probably wondering why he is the way he is, if his first heartbreak isn’t his anti-commitment origin story. He doesn’t blame you.

Jeongg thinks about his words for a second. He’s not lying. It wasn’t traumatizing. Maybe it did change him, how he views things, people, love. But it wasn’t tragic. He just kind of became this way as he got older. He has no real backstory for why he is the way he is, why he loves to be loved but will never love in return. Not in the way the other person deserves, at least. Even if he wanted to, he never would. Because as selfish as it is, the one thing he craves more than love, than anything, is his freedom. And in his head he can’t have it all. 

And maybe that is tragic in a sense, but he’s never really thought of it as a bad thing. Knows that sometimes in order to have something he wants, he has to give up something else. 

“I mean… I see love differently now. I don’t know if my viewpoint changed because of the break up or just because I got older and realized what’s important to me, but I probably used to think about love closer to the way you do… head in the clouds,” he nudges you playfully, like he’s trying to lighten the mood, “too much faith in people. A top tier romantic and the number one idealist.”

He knows it’s hard to picture. But he was more like you than he would care to admit. Maybe that’s why he’s so much more careful with you. Because he knows.

“How do you see love now?”

Sometimes Carlos thinks he’s heartless. But when you ask him questions like that, the kind that you already know the answer to, but ask anyway, hoping that he will tell you something different, tell you what you want to hear… He knows he’s not because his heart aches in his chest. 

He knows he’s not heartless, because he does his best to be soft with you, to make whatever this is between you both, as painless as possible. And that’s why he never lies to you about this kind of stuff, because he knows if he did, it would hurt so much more later. And he doesn’t want that. Carlos is selfish with you, but he never wants to hurt you.

“You know how I see it, ___,” he murmurs softly, like he’s trying to be gentle. Almost like he’s reminding you. “Why are you asking questions that you know are going to-”

Hurt you.

He doesn’t say it, because he doesn’t need to. He knows you know that’s what he means. 

He feels bad when you start to backtrack. “No, no. I’m not. It’s okay…” you rush out as you shift onto your knees and face him again, hands coming up to cup his face. “Thank you for telling me,” You kiss him gently, hands squeezing, thumb rubbing over the scar on his cheek. You’re too soft, too good for someone like him. “I’m sorry for being nosy, I was just curious.”

His hands on your hips squeeze, and he pulls you closer, brushes his nose against yours before he kisses you. “It’s okay, I’m sorry for getting upset just-” he breathes hot and sharp against your lips, “Kiss me.”

Falling into each other after moments like these is easy. It’s been happening more lately, rough talks turning into rough touches. But again, it’s just so simple. It’s easy to stop the fights and the questions with his lips against yours, it’s easy to forget the things he does behind your back when he has you on yours beneath him, and it’s easy to pretend like that’s all there is. Just you and him. Two parts of the same star you might say. 

But even though it’s simple, Carlos still wonders how long easy will be enough. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

part 3 will not take as long as part 2 did cause i just need to write a little bit more until im done. i hope u guys are loving it so far. if u do dont forget to like a reblog <3

[deathlieteez]

ATTENTION (4/5)

yunho x reader

♡ attention series masterlist ♡ ┋chapter 1┋chapter 2.1┋chapter 2.2┋chapter 3.1┋chapter 3.2

chapter 4: heaven and back. when you finally met yunho that Saturday night, he confess the reason why he's acting that weird, and it is not going to be a bliss to your heart. feeling more lost than ever, you let yourself be drawn into whatever the night has to offer, though it seems to end up being much more than you can control.

appears: yunho as your exboyfriend x femb!reader + choi seungcheol (seventeen) x son chaeyoung as ur bests friends + yoon jeonghan (seventeen) as ur friend + chwe hansol vernon (seventeen) as seungcheol's friend

genre: angst. college au.

warning: cursing, mean/heartbroken reader, mean/heartbroken yunho, petnames, using/abusing of drugs (don't!!!!!!!), cheating.

word count: 9.1k (oops)

intentional use of lowercase letter

english is not my mother tongue

the chapter is called heaven and back because is sighly based on the chase atlantic's song

songs i get inspired by: heaven and back - chase atlantic + you broke me first- tate mcrae + the grudge - olivia rodrigo + falling - harry styles + creepin' - the weeknd + if you want love - nf + sorry, i love you - stray kids + we go down together - dove cameron ft. khalid + remember that night? - sara keys

the one i recommed the most to read it is the loneliest by maneskin

it is not meant to be representative of jeong yunho's personality or any ateez or another groups' idols who appeared ♡

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘♡⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

see you tonight.

yunho's absence and message made your morning into something infinite. got out of bed as if you had spent the whole night drinking, but what actually felt was a terrible emotional hangover. the memory of yunho haunted you as if he had never left, and almost had the damn sensation of his lips going all over your skin, as well as that sweet smell of his still stuck in your nostrils. his attitude was strange enough in itself to leave you thinking all day, but if you added the idea that he had been with another woman close enough to leave her scent on him, and the fucking fact that he had left you alone in bed after you let him spend the night for the first time after so many pleas, it was going to drive you crazy. was literally all you could think about all morning. it was, in fact, what you were thinking about when your doorbell rang, being so immersed in the memory of your fucking ex that the fright was such that you threw the coffee cup, which you'd been stirring for twenty minutes now while leaning against the kitchen counter, onto the floor. "shit!" you grunt for a moment before the doorbell rings again, and several times in a row "coming, i'm coming!" had absolutely no idea who it was, but it did nothing but fuck your mood even more.

you were very surprised to see that it was chaeyoung. well, an exaggeratedly angry version of chaeyoung. if thought you were in a bad mood, you were a puppy next to your best friend at that moment "i didn't come in just in case that asshole's still here. you better hide him, because i'll chew him up and spit him in the toilet, and u're next" she said pointing her index finger at you, still not crossing the threshold of the door. you sighed, stepping to the side to let her know she could come in.

"easy beast, he's not here." she snorted, entering your house in a bad temper. you couldn't blame her, but she had a lot of things to blame you. followed her into the kitchen, feeling slightly anxious. the only times you had ever seen chaeyoung like that was always when was involved with yunho, yunho's friends or the university. you had never been her target. you knew for a fact how much she loved you, in a practically sisterly way, so you understood perfectly why she practically left a trail of flames wherever she passed by. you would have appeared the same, or worse "careful, there's glass on the floor" you warn, she automatically grabbed several paper napkins and bent down to wipe the huge coffee stain on the floor. you imitated her.

"i've called tons of times, and left lots of messages." she accused, you sighed "the least you could do is call me back" looked at her with a mixture of shame and embarrassment building up in the pit of your stomach. you couldn't say anything, because she was right. not only had you blown them off the night before, but ignored them all and with no reasons. that's probably why seungcheol wasn't with chaeyoung to find out what happened after he left. he was too upset to show up at your house, and it was more than clear that he would have told chaeyoung why you didn't go to the club.

"m so sorry" you mumble, "wasn't in the mood. know that's no excuse, but…"

"but nothing. it's already awfully wrong for that guy to show up at your house at night, but to be ignoring us for him? girl, it sucks" she accuses again and you nod, as if you were being scolded by your older sister "i don't understand how you could even let him into your house, after everything that's happened".

"you know we've been seeing each other, chae" you swallowed after materializing it in words for the first time to someone other than yourself or yunho himself.

"yeah" she groaned in annoyance "but thought u guys fucked at parties or something, not that you let him get into your house?"

"we're all grown up now, chaeyoung" you sigh, picking up a few pieces of glass again, trying not to cut yourself and in the process avoiding her gaze. she stood up, throwing away a handful of soggy papers and picking up a few more to continue drying the floor.

"oh really? well doesn't look like it" she then growls "look, u can fuck whoever u want, but be consequent. u can't just disappear the whole night and leave us all worrying"

"i'm really sorry" repeated "it was a bit of a weird night" you confess once finished collecting all the crystals, cutting a small awkward silence "did u have a good time at least?" chaeyoung denied.

"cheol came in pretty upset, he told us what happened and we tried to call you several times after a while. still were going to stay, but then we saw yunho's little friends and seungcheol didn't want to continue the night. he and han went home together and i went home with jihyo" she related, making you sigh again.

"they didn't say anything to any of you, have they?" she denied, you nodded in relief.

"you know how overprotective he is with you and the whole thing with those guys" threw away the last handful of papers once the floor was finally clean, grabbing another cup from your cupboard and a capsule of coffee "at least tell me what's going on, and what happened last night".

so you did. recounted in detail everything that had happened, from the episode at the emergency exit, to yunho dumping that girl for you, and ending with the night before. you put special emphasis on one detail "he smelled like another chick!?" she practically shouted, you dropped your back on the back of the couch and nodded "he finished being with some chick and came to see u?" he snorted "i thought he couldn't, but he get even more scraggly. he must have been training"

"he's coming tonight" you confessed, causing chaeyoung's eyes to practically pop out of their holes.

"and you're even dumber, i see."

"wanna see him, chae."

"that's the first sign why you shouldn't do it. never again. fuck him. but no literally!"

you'd love to say that the conversation with your best friend did some good. that you took matters into your own hands and wrote yunho to tell him you didn't want him around, that he should stay the fuck home. but the reality was much different, much sadder and, from chaeyoung's point of view, ridiculous. your friend didn't understand what it was about this guy that kept you so interested, and you didn't exactly know either. but if there was ever a time when you really felt the need to see him, it was that night. his attitude and that message had to mean something, and it's not like you were able to ignore everything you felt while being with him.

luckily, now that you had finally been completely honest with her, chaeyoung decided she wouldn't leave you alone and tried her best to keep your mind off yunho, almost like the first time she had to deal with what he left of you when he cheated. it worked for a few hours, but as the time approached when you had to get ready to leave, it became clear how the anxiety was eating away at your confidence. you checked your cell phone every few moments, feraring a message from him, or maybe even hoping for one. chae watched you worriedly. she knew for sure that the time when you would relapse would come. yunho would be a problem again, because you two were in love and it didn't end well. one of you would come crawling back, but she hoped it wouldn't be you and that when he did, you would kick him back to his house.

"so can i borrow the black one then?" she asked with her head dipped in your closet. you laughed again, affirming with a guttural sound while trying not to go too overboard with the lip liner "great! i was looking forward to trying it on. it's so pretty!"

"just had to ask for it" you tell her once you finish filling in your lips in a gorgeous burgundy shade matching the dress you wore that night, and which didn't go unnoticed by your friend.

"how is it possible that u been looking like shit all day and now you look like you came out of a magazine?" she grunts, making you laugh again "it's cute" commented, sitting on the edge of the bed and looking at your reflection in the glass of the dressing table. you were doing the same, trying to gain confidence in your image. knew you looked pretty, but didn't feel particularly well. "haven't worn it in a while, have you?" chaeyoung asked, getting your attention. you look at her a little confused "the dress" you smile faintly at her, nodding.

didn't really wanted to have to explain it to her, but the outfit you were wearing that night was a real statement of intent, because it was exactly the same one you had the night you met yunho. it was still quite nice, a little less revealing than what you've been wearing lately, but sexy enough to fit a night like that. telling chaeyoung something like that would end up driving her crazy, but the truth is that you were wearing it hoping yunho would remember the dress. as you looked at yourself wearing it in the mirror, remembered all the times he told you how beautiful you looked and how much he loved the dress. he even asked you to wear it again several times throughout the relationship, but saved it for a special occasion because it meant so much to you. didn't know why, but that night you needed the confidence that dress gave you. it was probably a mistake, but you would do it anyway.

it wasn't too long before you arrived at the same place that had already visited countless times, and where the story with your ex was awakened with a fuck at the emergency exit of the reserved area. you felt a little better when you let the lively atmosphere captivate you, letting yourself be carried away by the incredibly cheerful and energetic attitude of your best friend, who guided you to the same place as always, where your friends were already waiting.

the first thing you did was apologize to all of them, and especially to seungcheol, who didn't take more than a few seconds to fall for your charms and your puppy face to hug you and kiss your forehead, even though he made you promise not to do something like that to them again "a message is enough. just want to know you're okay". the way it had started, the night had potential. and you could have taken advantage of it; you could have drunk, danced and laughed with the amazing friends you had at your disposal. you could have even tried to meet someone new, like the guy at the bar who had left his number on a napkin he shamelessly gave you, because didn't need one and hadn't asked for, during one of the many times you visited the bar in such a ridiculously short period of time. just like went to the bathroom, to smoke with jeonghan -when you didn't even smoke- and any excuse that was plausible enough and allowed you to browse the place as many times as possible, in search of a single person. of course, your friends asked you if everything was all right, but with the help of chaeyoung, who knew what was going on and didn't want to worry them, you distracted them. it was about one in the middle of the night when you finally saw him appear in the crowd, looking particularly handsome that night. he wore a white yarn sweater, the collar quite wide, revealing his collarbone, beautifully decorated with a couple of necklaces and highlighting the width of his shoulders. his hair was apparently messy, but you knew that he had probably spent a long time in front of the mirror checking every strand, and it had certainly paid off.

you didn't even try to find an excuse to meet him that time. just jumped up and left the reserved area, not listening to any of your friends' questions. from the stairs you could see him reaching a table at the down floor, where a couple of girls were sitting that you didn't remember seeing before. noticed him greeting one of them with a kiss on the cheek, bringing that smell back to your memory, but made sure to ignore the idea that crossed your mind and faded as soon as you saw him looking for you in the reserved area himself. he approached the stairs as you went down, so you decided to wait at the end of them "finally!" you said almost without breaking, sounding a little - too - excited to see him. yunho was about to speak, but your impatience interrupted him with a soft kiss on the lips that was confused to say the least, swallowing his words, not even sure what he wanted to say to you. with a sincere smile, you pulled his wrist to a corner a little further away from his friends and yours, a little further away from the crowd, and while he was still silent, you allowed yourself to kiss him again, leaning your back against the dark wall of the room. took a few seconds for yunho to react, feeling a slight panic sweep through his body, but deciding to surrender to you again. it was much easier to be carried away by your lips, so he brought one of his hands to your waist while cradled your neck with the other to deepen the kiss. felt as if the night before had not ended, as if the truce you had happily signed yesterday had continued to stand against all odds. "took a long time, yuyu" said to him as you separated to get some oxygen. he didn't even open his eyes before kissing you again.

he pressed his body closer to yours, breathing into your lips and making you feel like you're in a damn cloud9. buried both hands in his hair, stroking him as if to calm him, "hi" mumbled over your lips. actually, you didn't even hear it, you guessed it.

"been waiting for you" you confessed, not even thinking about how your attitude let yunho look a little deeper into you. "thought you wouldn't come" he remained silent, looking into your eyes like trying to find something. in fact, he was looking for some sign of remorse, of hatred, of resentment, of anger. some trace of everything you were giving him all this time, but he found in you nothing more than a honest desire to see him. he sighed heavily and took some distance from you, though his hands never left your body, going up to your face to cradle it once more. you held his wrists and smiled sweetly, "don't have a very good face, yuyu" you stated, looking genuinely concerned, "u ok?" yunho felt his chest shrink as the sweetness colored your words.

it was like you were doing it on purpose, as if you were fighting with your last ace to keep him close. he had worked hard to get to this point, he had fought against everything he felt so that would be moderately comfortable with what was about to happen. but it would only be fine if you continued to be a fucking bitch to him, one who didn't seem to care about anything. now that you looked at him as if you really wanted to be with him, as if you cared about his well-being and kissed him so lovingly, how could he say something like that to you? how could he not grab the last burning nail that was your relationship?

"no, i'm not well" he confessed. you took a careful breath and gently changed your sweet expression to a worried one. something was really wrong.

"here, let's sit" you suggest, pointing to the high chairs a few feet away "and maybe i can help you" if he didn't know you well enough, yunho would swear that you were trying to torture him playing with his feelings to trap him in your web so he would never leave you. but in actual fact, you were genuinely concerned about him and wanted to help him. reaching the chairs, without letting go of his hands, you sit facing each other. legs are intertwined, you only have to move a little closer to kiss him again, which you did, "come on sweetie, tell me".

"why 're u treating me so well?" he asked suddenly, almost burning with the torture of having you so close again.

you pursed your lips, tilting your head with a shy smile, "don't know" confessed this time, "yesterday was a nice day, i guess" yunho sighed with the memory of your naked body hugging his all night, making him feel like the fucking worst person in the whole earth.

"i have been waiting for you to look at me like this for a long time" with a weak and deep voice, it comes out almost in a wail "it is not fair that you act like this today" you looked at him with some confusion while he avoided your eyes as much as he could. instead, he look at your body without taking a second to notice what you're wearing. a grimace of sarcasm crossed his face, and he couldn't help but think that what you were trying to do to him must be some kind of heavy joke.

"today? what's happening today?"

"i've been doing the best that i can for about, how long, maybe a year?" his voice rises slightly and you can hear some bitterness in it. by contrast, yunho never lets go of your hands, making the grip harder and focus all the attention on them laying over the dress you are wearing "i have respected your space and accepted all the times you kicked me away" he said, you parted your lips without knowing exactly what to say, feeling more confused by the moment "gave you love whenever u were around, just to make u feel wanted and wash away what i did" you blinked several times, trying to pull your hands away, but he held them firmly, "went where you wanted, when you wanted, even when i knew you were doing with other guys" he sighed heavily, sharpening his gaze and finally looking at you. "needed to see me so fucked up to empathize with me a little? or did you realize that you still love me?"

when he looked into your eyes, you didn't like what you saw. no clue if all that anger and pain had always been there or if something you are missing had happened and yunho was actually in pain. the only thing you were sure about was that your patience was too thin to keep listening to him, and the sarcasm of his words didn't help at all. or did you realize that you still love me?

you yanked hard from his hands, surprising him but managing to escape his grip. denied with a bitter smile before said "let it go, it was a mistake", you said it out loud, but those words were more for you than for him. wanted to leave it there now that you still had some will to have a good night, but suddenly yunho realized he couldn't let you go that easily. the pride he had been swallowing all this time returned all at once and he was not willing to let you be the one to decide the course of the conversation again. yunho had come to this place with a damned purpose, and he was going to fulfill it whether you wanted or not. he stopped you down impulsively, grabbed your wrist and pulled back towards him. almost crashed into his chest, but you reacted quickly and put a hand on his shirt, pushing him back "what's wrong with u?"

"with me!?" he opened his eyes as if you had told him the most savage thing he had ever heard in his life, "the problem here is you!" suddenly yunho grabbed your shoulders and pushed you back against the wall, surrounding you with both arms into a corner so he can look down on you. it felt like you were tiny, and that wasn't what you needed that night, "come to me like you need to see me, kiss me, care about me, and in that fucking dress!" you looked away from him when his breath crash into your face so aggressively, because yunho was yelling, almost out of control and too close for your comfort. caught your breath to regulate the tension in your chest, feeling slightly dizzy. you looked like a prey, trapped under your ex's harsh and unforgiving voice, full of resentment "am a joke to u? wearing this on just to hurt me, yeah?" he growled. despite the toughness of his words, yunho was far from feeling tough inside. he was pushing himself to the limit, trying to contain a huge amount of emotions that he did not know how to handle at a time like this, when he had you in front of him and the person he decided to commit to just a few steps away, waiting for him.

when he got up in the morning next to you, had a feeling that he holds the world in his hands again. he barely slept through the night and made sure to stay close to you as long as possible, watching you as you rested, with your chest rising and falling gently, your peaceful face and your body completely relaxed. no tension, no fighting and no bitterness. you were an angel - his angel -, and he told himself he was the luckiest man in the world to be able to watch such a spectacle. yunho also realized you still had some habits, such as sleeping on your right side - which made yunho get used to sleeping on his left side so he could hug you -; you still talked a bit at night, and still hadn't given up your eagerness to steal his blanket whenever you had the chance. but his favorite, which he treasured as a precious memory, and which he loved to see you kept, was your adorable need to cuddle at night. he wondered more than once if you'd gotten over it because didn't have him anymore, or if you were holding plush animals like you once told him you did before living together. now that he had you there, tied to his torso as if you never wanted him to leave, he was afraid to even breathe too hard in case you moved and let him go. it was hard for him to give in to sleep, but was overly nice to see you again when he woke up. sure, you moved and were no longer holding him, but you were holding his hand. really seemed that you needed any contact with him as much as he needed you to do it.

knowing he must go while you were still asleep, he tempted his fate and stayed for almost an hour. the thought of leaving you was killing him, and his tears were the only witness, but it was better to go for himself than to let you push him again. was certainly sure he couldn't take it after having you this way again. he worked hard to convince himself that it was best to get away from you and trust her. she was good for him, but you weren't, because you could offer him nothing but nostalgia and the ghost of the woman he fell in love with. yunho told himself that the last night you spent together was almost a mirage, a kind of truce he had signed with you, but that it expired as soon as the sun rose on the horizon. so you wouldn't want him there anymore then, not knowing you haven't forgive him yet. he needed to stop blaming himself because you didn't want him anymore, to stop punishing himself with your kisses and your fleeting caresses, no matter how sweet they were. she looked like a white promise at the end of all this agony. couldn't even believe that she was giving him a second chance after what he had done to her for you, but he told himself he wouldn't mess it up this time, that would let you go and that you wouldn't suffer because you were really just playing with him. yunho wouldn't have to see you cry and he wouldn't cry for you anymore.

what he did not expect was to see you the next day in that dress that meant so much to both of us, taking him back to the night you met, while your eyes showed him a genuine illusion to see it again. he could even see the pain in your pupils as his voice, against all odds, became much harsher. he should hate you, but he hated himself instead "yunho, enough. wanna leave".

"oh, u want to go now?" he insisted, making you swallow hard while see him shocking his head many times "please tell me what you want from me" you looked him in the eyes again, an uncertain gaze locked with his. could barely make out the colors of his face in the dim light of the room, but you could clearly see the damage in his look, "can't take it anymore" he almost sobbed, dropping his head down to the floor "i can't keep paying for what i did. need u to stop punishing me, it's not fair to either of us anymore" locked out, the air was missing and could only feel the strong fragrance that yunho wore that night clouding your senses. you tried to concentrate on his words, but they only hurt. it was as if he had hit you so hard that all you could hear was a hollow and annoying sound. yunho kept talking to you, becoming more and more impatient with your silence, and in the midst of all the dull noise, your face began to fall as his words began to sink in. you thought coldly about what he was really telling you and a sour taste grew in your throat. you'd swear you'd fall to the ground if yunho hadn't left you barely space to breathe, intoxicating you with his accusations.

"yunho" mumbled, sealing his lips so he could hear you after trying to get your attention so much "if u don't like it, just leave" your head remained a little bowed, as if the neck couldn't bear the weight, so you looked at him from below "fair, you say?" snorted in denial as you closed your eyes again "know what's not fair? your boyfriend cheating on you, and knowing about it by a pic that someone sent of him kissing that fucking chick. that's not fair" yunho was going to say something, but you cut him off "it's neither fair that you came home the next morning and covered yourself with a lie, not fair that you kissed me with the same mouth that you kissed another girl the night before. that you came home every morning of every weekend without feeling the slightest bit of guilt until i discovered you, that's not fucking fair" yunho stepped back a little, letting you breathe a bit easier "it's also not fair the fact u forced seven fucking people who were also my friends to lie to me to cover up your fucking betrayal" looked at him again "know what it was like for me to lose u and all of them at once? that. is. not. fair" you spitted bitterly, punctuating every word "i saw the person i trusted the most taking away those we considered our friends, and yet you also took away my first love, my home, and everything i felt for u" here they were again, the tears piling up and threatening to wet yunho's cheeks, while you felt like tearing out every piece of yourself, every single night you spent awake missing him. you were now throwing them out in the form of all the conclusions you came to between cries and tears "so if you think what's happening is unfair, you'd better go and leave me alone for good" you were angry, and your words were not what really was in your heart, but weren't able to control yourself in the same way that he wasn't able to. however, also failed to calculate the consequences of what you just said.

"that's exactly what 'm trying to do" he replied, now at a safe distance from you.

"how do u say?" despite the word just spitted, you were incredulous.

"'m leaving you, leaving this" his cold gaze froze your body "i am tired, tired of you" he confessed. didn't even know how you felt at that time, but yunho wasn't finished with you yet "i've met someone, and i think i like this girl, but need to be away from you to find out" that was the masterstroke. the last words he needed to end you, with everything you had built since decided to focus on yourself, everything you had risked to bring him back into your life. even though you had managed to recover from all the hits he had soothed you with his words, there was no turning back from what he had just said so easily.

words sharp as blades pierced your whole body mercilessly, straight from the same lips that kissed you so lovingly just moments ago. you clearly heard something inside breaking again. i'm tired of you. his voice echoed in your head, as if he would never stop shouting it in your ear, over and over again, like a damned mantra he'd decided to tattoo on your skin. yunho knew for real he was being cruel, he watched almost in slow motion how your pride faded away as the light in your eyes started to dim, but he couldn't help his mouth breathing away what his broken heart was crying out.

the strident music fades and instead you only hear this one sentence and a high-pitched sound drowns your eardrums, you have the feeling that they will even start to bleed if you try to say something else, but all your pride has vanished with your breath. you have nothing more to say, and even if you tried, would not be able to hear a single word, so you close your eyes and try to erase yunho from your mind, but of course, his silhouette appears in the darkness of your eyelids, smiling and laughing at you, reminding the horrible person you are. felt so out of place, so confused and lost in a feeling of incorrigible pain, even greater than the first time yunho left, that don't even know how you have returned to the side of your friends. when you figure it out, you're sitting next to them and they're talking to each other as if you weren't there. inside, everything fell apart. on the outside, your face remained blank, almost serene. you craved to scream, wanted to find yunho again and shout him that it was all his fault.

the image of your boyfriend, with whom you even shared an apartment, kissing another girl, along with the certainty that he had been hiding it for god knows when, still burning inside your eyes and were not exaggerating when you said that it was the first time you felt the pain of a betrayal, added to the pain of a broken heart and the sudden loneliness. well, if you had to be completely honest with yourself, you hadn't handled what happened right, and had to admit that you were cruel. but within the pain you felt at that moment, the idea that it was yunho who had broken you to such an extreme, that it was yunho who was wrong first, who broke you and all that you were, shone more brightly in your head.

your gaze wandered from one side to another. the floor, the ceiling, the round table in the center of your seats, filled with full and empty glasses, the distand and happy faces of your friends, seungcheol holding one of your hands and giving you a loving grimace… the neon red of the exit sign where you fell into yunho's arms again.the light soon blinded you slightly, feeling your gaze begin to unfocus as the bright red dazzled you and tears unconsciously welled up at the edge of your pupils. memories of your ex filled your blurred vision, pulling you away from reality and back to the image of his lips on yours, begging you to stay a little longer. his hands craving around your skin, trying to keep you close. now all that was gone. i think i love that girl, but i need to be away from you to know. and to think that you had stayed devoted to his arms, while he sought solace in another girl.

when you were able to refocus your gaze, found yourself looking at yunho's table in the distance. everyone seemed perfectly happy, including your ex, who was hugging who you assumed was the girl that took him away from you, who was winning his heart, the same heart had been your home " honey, is everything okay?" when you heard seungcheol's voice, suddenly realized you are already truly crying, feeling the happiness of those boys as a direct attack on you. why, if you were the victim, were the only one still suffering? "baby, look at me" seungcheol quickly located where your gaze was heading and gently picked up your chin to force you to stop hurting yourself, trying to comfort you with a warm smile and a kiss on the forehead.

"guess 'm not at my peak" you let out a chuckle far from funny and wiped away your tears.

with his thumb, seungcheol caressed your wet cheek and raised both eyebrows "we have two options. i can take you home, you'll take a shower, we'll watch anything on tv and i promise i'll play your hair until you fall asleep if it'll make you feel better" the smile grew natural on your lips, provoking a similar one on his face. he couldn't help it even if he wanted to and he wouldn't; sex or not, you were his best friend and one of the most important person in his life since you both were able to open up to each other, understand each other, support each other and care for each other. he had met many people in his life because he was someone of a social nature, but with you it was a crush in any sense you wanted to take it. he was sure that whatever you could offer him would be enough, because loved you sincerely and would prove it "or you can stay here with all of us, try to enjoy the night and not let anything or anyone else get the better of you" knew perfectly well what his words meant, because he wasn't stupid and no matter how much you had tried to hide it, he clearly saw something big going on with yunho, and confirmed it as soon as he saw you unable to take your eyes off him and that beautiful girl he wouldn't let go even for a stand second "both options are valid and in both i promise not to leave you alone at any time. it's up to you" you took a breath with lips sealed, biting them slightly at your pathetic image going home early for a fucking cheating guy, who was also happily a few meters away enjoying himself after breaking your heart for the second time.

you wondered if you were too naive, if you really didn't know him that well and those looks full of love and pleading he so often gave when you were together were nothing but pure show, a fake better than yours designed to fuck up your life even more. was yunho so cruel, so cold and manipulative? that night, you needed to believe that he was.

"think i can give this place a second chance today" you spoke unsure of your decision, but willing to at least give it a try. yunho couldn't stop you, wouldn't let him, and you knew that seungcheol was ready to help with that.

"that's my girl" he said, kissing your cheek "in that case, i have something for you" you watched as he pulled out his wallet from his denim jacket, showing you a small black baggie that brought a new smile to your face "are you in?"

"sharing is for pretty people" chaeyoung appeared at your back, holding out her hand to seungcheol, who laughed and didn't fail to leave a small white pill in the palm of her hand, but to you he put it straight into your mouth, with a greedy smirk that you were quite used to and that made you slightly fall into his game. you stuck out your tongue slowly, where he left the pearl while looking at your eyes, brushing your tongue with his fingers and listening to him saying again that's my girl but, this time, several octaves lower.

however, cheol didn't move any more cards in that direction with you afterwards, again respecting your boundaries, which you were extremely grateful for. if you had to take it out on your best friend, you didn't want to do it. it seemed like playing dirty, even though you knew for a fact that he'd be more than glad to offer himself to the cause. it wouldn't happen, but his attitude helped to immerse you in the night.

while you waited patiently - as long as you could - for the substances to take effect in your system, you tried to distract yourself with literally anything. smiled, talked to all your friends at the table, joked even with them and tried to laugh heartily when the others did, but your attempts were not enough to contain your fucking curiosity and the inertia to satiate it by looking back to yunho's table.

sometimes, he wasn't there and you could only see his friends, because she was never there if he wasn't. you'd even swear that, on a couple of occasions, yunho looked in your direction too, but couldn't say for sure because, when you got that feeling, you looked away like a fucking coward. the last time it happened, your eyes ran to the bottom of your empty glass, and the need to cover your shame with alcohol fills your patience. obviously, you asked cheol to come to get another drink, and fulfilling his promise, he took your hand and walked with you downstairs to the bar. the crowd was heavy that night, which wouldn't bother you on any other occasion, but on this one felt the anxiety fill your lungs and keep the oxygen out. to make matters worse, a guy a little shorter than cheol walked up to him. you saw them hugging and understood immediately that they hadn't seen each other for a long time "babe, give me a minute. pay for the drinks, today it's on me" he took out his wallet again and put it in your hands "you'll be fine" you nodded with a smile, knowing would be very selfish if you told him otherwise "i'll be right back" cheol kissed your hand lightly before disappearing into the crowd. the thought of running into yunho, that girl or one of his friends hit your mind immediately afterwards, and had to take a deep breath not to run upstairs, because you didn't feel confident enough to face any of them, especially not your damn ex. luckily, you were served quickly and soon had full glasses in hands, so you opened cheol's wallet to pay the bill. that's when you met up again with the little black baggie.

the idea inevitably crossed your mind. looked around to find the people and the music were thick and mingled inside you with heaviness, feeling genuinely overwhelmed and the night didn't seem to be getting any better. although you'd already had one, this time it hadn't had any effect, so maybe… a second pill wouldn't be such a bad idea, would it? before you could think clearly - and realize that it was a terrible idea - you had the pill in your teeth, putting the bag back in seungcheol's wallet, who appeared seconds later accompanied by the same guy from earlier. you sighed, honestly a little uneasy because it was the first time you'd taken two pills in one night, but were too sober to stay on your feet. had run out of any strategy to keep you distracted and your gaze kept coming back to yunho and that damn girl over and over again. you were afraid of being too obvious, starting to cry again, or that some guy in that fucking group would notice you staring at them. "vernon, meet my favourite girl" the presentations were short, but pleasant. you soon find out that he's actually american and has been living there for a while, so it was great to see cheol again, a feeling that soon rubbed off on you. he was a really strange guy, but funny and very, very nice.

after talking to vernon for a while, which really kept you distracted - wouldn't be lying if you said that meeting him was almost a promise that the night could get better - it wasn't long before you finally felt your body react chemically. no clue if it was the fact that you were a little more relaxed, or that the dose was already high enough to have an effect on someone who was already used to a single pill, but suddenly, felt energetic and some kind of adrenaline rush hit you, along with the urge to expend that shot of electricity by partying for real. pulling your new friend along towards the same destination, the rest soon followed, tired from sitting on those leather couches all night. when finally made your way through the crowd of people, the music vibrated through your body, causing you to crack a smile that felt like it would tear at the corner of your lips. you knew yunho was close, but at that moment, didn't give a shit, focusing on nothing but your breathing becoming heavy in your chest as you jumped on the track, your heart pumping so fast that couldn't count the beats even if you wanted to.

at the height of the ecstasy you were experiencing for the first time, it felt like hours had passed, but in actual fact it only took two or three songs for the situation to change radically. in one of your little hops to the music, you clearly felt your knees failing to break your fall, and if it hadn't been for vernon and seungcheol's quicker arms, you would have crashed to the floor along with your glass, which shattered into pieces. it wasn't a big deal, and if you were in your senses, would have laughed at the situation and the fact that had already broken two glasses in one day. but not right then.

right then, you felt like every single look in thet club was falling on you. the hollow sound of glass crashing on the floor deafened you for a moment, and you could only focus on all those judgmental stares on your body, as if they knew you had just fucked up. as if they knew you had been dumped for someone else, that you were high and that, in reality, you would rather have taken cheol's first offer and gone home to rest and cry all the broken feelings pouring out of your heart. your breathing, once heavy, now became scarce. you had to hold on tightly to vernon's arm, who brought both hands to your sides to give you balance "beautiful, are you okay?" cheol asked you and you looked him practically panic-stricken in the eyes. you wanted to say no, that your heart was going too fast but you had no strength in either leg. you then tried to speak, but sickness built up in the pit of your stomach, causing a gag and forcing you to cover your mouth with a hand and only deny it.

seungcheol's reaction was, thankfully, fast. he whispered something in vernon's ear that you couldn't hear and gave you a quick smile before he disappeared running, or trying to, into the crowd. so far, you had been drinking quite a lot and quite possibly too much, so he opted not to waste a second trying to help. you wanted to follow him, confused and increasingly dizzy, but vernon held you tightly and forced a hand around his waist for a better grip "he'll be back. come with me upstairs" spoke in your ear. he broke away, looking at your legs slightly bent under your own weight "can u walk?" you nodded, gripping his waist even tighter before starting to move.

right then, you felt like every single look in thet club was falling on you. the hollow sound of glass crashing on the floor deafened you for a moment, and you could only focus on all those judgmental stares on your body, as if they knew you had just fucked up. as if they knew you had been dumped for someone else, that you were high and that, in reality, you would rather have taken cheol's first offer and gone home to rest and cry all the broken feelings pouring out of your heart. your breathing, once heavy, now became scarce. you had to hold on tightly to vernon's arm, who brought both hands to your sides to give you balance "beautiful, are you okay?" cheol asked you and you looked him practically panic-stricken in the eyes. you wanted to say no, that your heart was going too fast but you had no strength in either leg. you then tried to speak, but sickness built up in the pit of your stomach, causing a gag and forcing you to cover your mouth with a hand and only deny it.

seungcheol's reaction was, thankfully, fast. he whispered something in vernon's ear that you couldn't hear and gave you a quick smile before he disappeared running, or trying to, into the crowd. so far, you had been drinking quite a lot and quite possibly too much, so he opted not to waste a second trying to help. you wanted to follow him, confused and increasingly dizzy, but vernon held you tightly and forced a hand around his waist for a better grip "he'll be back. come with me upstairs" spoke in your ear. he broke away, looking at your legs slightly bent under your own weight "can u walk?" you nodded, gripping his waist even tighter before starting to move.

you had never experienced this feeling before. your legs were not responding and could clearly feel your body getting heavier by second, along with the involuntary bouncing of your head, like you had been drinking uncontrollably all night. it got worse as you approached the stairs, each step becoming a world, "there is not much left" vernon said, trying to cheer you up. you could see how was struggling not to fall down the stairs pulling your weight up, and couldn't help but feel stupid and helpless, because your head seemed to be working quite fast, with some clarity, but no part of your body wanted to cooperate. it was only when vernon finally managed to drop you into one of the couches in the reserved area that the fear really took over. every muscle in your body was so numb that you barely felt it, "easy, stay easy, you're fine" vernon knelt down in front of you to be at the height of your face, holding your hands and trying to comfort you. then he approached your face, looking closely at your pupils, trying not to be too obvious. didn't want to think about it, he wanted to be wrong. but either fortunately or not, vernon was quite sure of what was happening to you, and even though he tried to calm you down, because he also knew that it would be much worse if you found out, he was scared, and the deep black that suffocated your iris did not help.

seungcheol finally arrived with several small bottles of water and a tiny towel he had to ask for at the bar. you listened with a certain distance as vernon explained that your body was practically dead and you swore that you could hear your friend's heart racing as he realized how bad it really was at that point. you wanted to ask what was happening, but couldn't find any voice and only had the ability to cry, which you did when you saw cheol giving you a look of panic. he sat down on a chair in front of you and took both of your hands "hey, don't cry, don't cry" he began "i've called chaeyoung, we'll be leaving soon" you nodded in tears "but first u have to be honest with me, okay?" nodded again "did u drink something u didn't buy yourself? or any of us?" you denied this time, cheol sighed in relief "so you drank a lot then?" denied again. well, you actually drank a lot, but not enough to have you that bad.

"cheol, it's not alcohol, she's high" the music still raged in your ears and your senses weren't working properly, but you could hear vernon clearly. his words hit you like a bucket of cold water, making you cry even harder.

"high? like, drugged?" cheol repeated, notoriously confused. he was dead sure he had only given you a single pill, nothing you hadn't done a thousand times before.

"did u give her anything?" vernon denied, "nothing" he spoke honestly, "but these symptoms are not from drinking too much alcohol" vernon's voice was also full of concern, but he spoke with much more confidence than seungcheol. you opened your mouth to say sorry, wanted to tell the truth and apologize for being so stupid and irresponsible, but once again a gag forced you to shut up, sobbing in your seat in defeat as you tightened the grip of cheol's hands.

"what happened!?" you immediately recognized the voice of your friend nearby, and soon the left side of the couches sank, "u okay?" she cradled your face with both hands, getting a bad surprise when she saw the paleness of your skin soaked with tears.

"think it might be an overdose," Vernon spoke, "she've taken something, hasn't she?" your friends nodded.

"but we've done it many times, nothing like this has ever happened before." chaeyoung's voice cracked as she tried to talk to vernon.

"she must have taken something else" he approached your face again, lighting you up with his phone to see that your pupils, which turned your irises practically black, barely reacted to the intense light of the flashlight "for the moment she is awake, but it might be a matter of time before she collapses"

"don't mess with me, man" cheol complained, "we have to call an ambulance"

vernon took a deep breath before he replied "if you do, remember that this is punishable in korea" his voice seemed much more loaded with anxiety "she is not going to get rid of his drug use easily."

"and what should we do? expect the worst!?" chaeyoung was crying. you heard it clearly in her voice, and you felt your heart break for the second time that night, guilt and fear paralyzing any little sense you had left in your body, hating yourself for bringing yourself to such situation.

"of course not!" you felt the other end of the couch sink way, "we need to try getting her to vomit while she still awake"

"are u sure about that?" cheol insisted, but vernon shook his head.

"i'm not, but given the sympthons and her dilated pupils, it might be."

the next event was something you wished with all your might you could wipe from your memory, but clearly it would stay with you forever, as a lesson. the three of them accompanied you, practically dragging your body, to the toilet upstairs. it was chaeyoung who helped you vomit using her own fingers, succeeding after several attempts. the bile and tears stained your face, making you feel miserable in the cheol's arms, who tried to comfort your sobbing. when they succeeded, they sighed with a sigh of relief. chaeyoung hugged you after wiping her hands, and you felt guilty again because you could still smell the stink of your vomit on her. the crying increased as they tried to comfort you, and the worst part is, as you sat on the white bathroom floor, with your head resting on cheol's chest and your other two friends trying to soothe what was obviously pain, the only person you could think of was yunho, hoping that he would somehow find out what was happening, and come to take care of you. "i'm gonna get the water from the table, try to rinse her face while" vernon spoke again.

you heard the door close, and soon after, chaeyoung closed the lock to prevent anyone from seeing you in that situation. cheol tried to lift your body, but, oddly enough, it was even heavier than before. sure you had vomited, as vernon suggested, but you didn't feel any better - the nausea was still there and all the strength in your body was just a memory. all you could do was cry "chae" he called her "chae, it's not okay" the trembling in your friend's voice finally confirming reality, was the last push before anxiety, or panic, or maybe both, took over. you began to hyperventilate, the little air that filled your lungs left and felt a horrible pressure in your chest. your legs were shaking involuntarily and although you could feel your friends holding you up, had no stability at all. you were falling. their voices were still present, calling out to you in sheer terror, lightly patting your face as the lights dimmed. until you could no longer open your eyes. it was barely a couple of minutes, seconds for you and an eternity for your friends, but your consciousness faded for a moment, and your body became completely lifeless. by the time you opened your eyes again, the white light blinded you slightly before could clearly see the face of your friends surrounding you again, swollen and drenched "fuck, she's awake!" cheol practically shouted. you quickly pulled yourself back up, taking a big breath of air before running back out to the toilet to vomit. chaeyoung followed, brushing your hair away from your face as she patted your back. you could still hear her sobbing.

"let's go home" you mumbled, relieving a little more of chae's fear, who was yet to come out of shock at how you had ended up. you, who had always been an angel, who once trembled at the thought of taking something illegal or dangerous, were now slumped over the toilet bowl, messed up and on the verge of something she would have regretted for the rest of her fucking life.

didn't have to ask twice, all of your friends without exception, even including vernon, never left leave your side for a second -genuinely scared after seeing you in such a situation-, left the place. as you dodged the crowd, you thought about what could have happened, and you couldn't even have asked for medical help without ruining your record and destroying your working future in the country. you thought about what had done to your friends, who felt helpless and lost without knowing how and when you had consumed so much as to push yourself to the limit. but most of all, being infinitely selfish, you thought about how the only person you would really want to walk you home that night, to comfort you, to hold you and not let go until the next morning, was yunho. but the only, and the last, thing you got from him after all, was a last glimpse of his arm around that other girl you had been seeing him with all night, without him even giving you a single glance as you left that fucking club.

as you walked away from his figure, blurring through the salt that irritated your eyes, realized something that clicked in your mind like the piece of a puzzle you had been trying to complete for too long, and it is that the bitter taste of failure that agonized in your head and that did not let you breathe was actually the certainty that you had lost the only thing you thought you could still keep from yunho after he betrayed you in that way, after confirmed that he did not love you by doing something like this, that he was not faithful to you, that he was not yours. you had lost the one thing you could still treasure as your greatest and darkest obsession, you had lost his attention.

and with that, you had lost him forever.

OKAY ITS HERE!!! i struggled too much with that part because, although i had been thinking about it for a while, i had no idea how to write it to try to convey a sense of real loss and despair. i hope i succeeded at least a little bit!!! and above all that you enjoyed reading it ♡ although it is the last part, there is still the epilogue!!!!! and i am seriously thinking if it should be a good or bad one... anyway, thank you very much for reading me and giving love to my work, i am infinitely grateful ♡

all the loveeeee

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘♡⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

☆tags☆ @yeosangsbbg @atinyluv238 @livingdeadlisa-blog @kunikku @yzaeseong @pearltinyy @txt-yaomi @tunaasan @honeyhwaaa

[lustemotions]

Marauders’ House !

“Music for a Sushi Restaurant” is the opening song to The Marauders' third studio album, Marauders' House. In a combination of smooth jazz and freaky ‘70s pop, Potter (writer of the song) sings about making sushi while relating it to his desire for a relationship. In a May 2022 interview in The Valkyries podcast, the lead singer revealed the story behind the funky song:

"I was in a sushi restaurant in LA with someone and one of our songs came on from the last album, and the person I was with pointed out that it was a "weird song for a sushi restaurant" which obviously lead to an argument and ended on this perfect song for "those type of restaurants".

see the lyrics of the song here.

— Jegulus au. 676 words. no tw. Based on MFASR by Harry Styles.

"Hey!" exclaimed James excitedly, tapping Regulus’s outstretched hand to get his attention "Do you hear that, baby? They’re playing Canyon Moon!"

At Regulus' request, both had decided to go out for dinner. Regulus hadn’t stopped talking for weeks about a restaurant he had visited with Dorcas, and finally after so much insistence, he had managed to drag James to a round table in the far corner of that tiny restaurant. 

James will never admit it out loud, because it would feed her boyfriend’s obsession, but he too had fallen in love with the place the second he put his foot in it. "I hear it, yes," Regulus replied, rolling his eyes without looking away from the posters hanging from the ceiling, apparently today’s menu, as the waitress explained, "Sirius couldn’t be more obvious, "Canyon Moon"?"

Quick pause in conversation

He plays songs I've never heard

An old lover's hippie music

Pretends not to know the words

And I keep thinking back to

A time under the canyon moon

After singing quietly along, James laughed while leaning on the table, glancing at the ceiling to look at the menu himself, "When has Sirius been subtle?" 

“Touché” said Regulus, making James whisper “hot” under his breath right before the waitress came to their table to take their orders. 

After the sweet lady left, Regulus looked around checking the restaurant before leaning on the table to whisper to James “To be honest, I don’t think this is a fitting song for this type of restaurant” An offended gasp left James’ lips, and he smacked Regulus’ shoulder gently. 

“How very dare you”

“You’re gonna tell me that I’m wrong?”

“Of course, our songs fit into any sort of environment”

“Yeah, no, I don’t think so” a bratty tone tint Regulus words, leaning onto the back of his chair, crossing his arms with a small smile on the corner of his lips. 

“You’re mean” 

“I just pointed out a fact. Not every song you guys do fit anywhere, especially not this little and pretty restaurant, it’s a weird song for a sushi restaurant”

“I bet I can change your mind with a song. In fact, I will write a song that fits this restaurant so well that you’ll be embarrassed by what you just said”

“Oh will you now?”

“Hell yeah, before our food comes, I will have the perfect song”

Regulus laughed a bit too hard for that, giving James the perfect view of his pale collarbones under that slim t-shirt. James arched an eyebrow, ready to challenge his boyfriend’s attitude, 

“You don’t think I can do that?”

"Of course I don’t think you can write a song before our food comes" said Regulus with a witty tone, sharing a small smile with James who looked too cocky by now.

"Is that a challenge, my love?"

"You bet it is" a cheeky smile spread across Regulus' face. James felt his heart racing. 

So, for a whole half hour, James kept writing and re-writing a whole song he finishes five seconds before they have their food on the table. And when he shares the lyrics with his boyfriend, the only comment Regulus says is:

"You have the imagination of a three-year-old”.

Two months later, James was in the studio recording "Music For a Sushi Restaurant", with Remus' bass track in the background and the background vocals recorded before by Sirius and Peter complementing his vocals in the chorus. Regulus’s laughter penetrated his track even from outside the booth, making James smile broadly at Sirius grimaced.

If the stars were edible

And our hearts were never full

Could we live with just a taste?

Just taste

It’s 'cause I love you, babe

In every kind of way

Just a little taste

Know I love you, babe

Not even the high volume of the trumpets dampened the scandalous cry of Sirius, who pounced on the microphone of their producer. 

"We are so over, James Potter!" 

Regulus smacked his brother on the side, starting a nasty sibling fist fight. 

James never felt so alive.

[thestylesindependent]

Harry Styles is a pop star people will talk about for generations. Over the course of three albums and two packed-out world tours, he’s topped the charts and found a home in the hearts of audiences seemingly everywhere he goes. He’s sold out venues around the world, some several times over, and is one of just three musical artists to have a permanent banner hanging in the rafters at Madison Square Garden. He’s broken records, won Grammys, and near-single-handedly revived the feather boa industry – and the list goes on.

When he takes to the stage at Wembley Stadium for the first of four sold-out shows there, the venue erupts into celebration. But tonight isn’t about an artist at the top of their game appearing in front of an adoring audience of thousands (though that also happens to be true). Harry’s show is, as it always has been, a celebration of love, connection, and absolute bangers.

In the city that’s been his base for 13 years, in a venue just down the road from where One Direction first formed, seeing him perform feels especially momentous. “Honey, I’m home!” he sing-songs as he settles centre-stage, his own gleeful way of letting the audience know that not only is he exactly where he belongs in this moment, so are they. This place is a safe space, where – as he requests of the crowd at every show he performs – you can “feel free to be whoever it is you’ve always wanted to be.”

His fans welcome that invitation and run with it. There’s sequins and glitter a-plenty, feathers and rhinestones galore. Giant fruit costumes? There’s so many. It’s emboldened, it’s expressive, and it’s full of joy – and really, isn’t that what live music is all about?

From the moment he first bounds across the stage to the swaggering melodies of ‘Daydreaming’, almost falling onto a podium elevating one of his bandmates in the process, Harry holds the 90,000-strong audience in the palm of his hand. “Okay,” he beams sunnily in response to their sung-along request to ‘Adore You’, “but just tonight.”

For two hours, he treats his audience to a career-spanning set that leaves no era forgotten. ‘Little Freak’ and ‘Matilda’ are made heart-achingly tender in front of a crowd, while ‘Music For A Sushi Restaurant’ becomes a literal jamboree. Teasing the chorus of One Direction’s ‘Best Song Ever’ before launching into ‘What Makes You Beautiful’ prompts an all-out dance party that feels practically euphoric, and a moment of stillness as he drinks in the sight of fireworks exploding during ‘Sign Of The Times’ is enough to have the whole venue swooning where they stand.

Strutting across the stage as he gives ‘Medicine’ an irregular outing (sir, we thank you for your service) before holding out his microphone as the crowd sing along to every word of the unreleased fan favourite, Harry is a godlike figure in custom Gucci, commanding and exalting his audience every step of the way.

He treats them with the same reverence as they treat him. Pausing between songs to check in, asking “are we all feeling emotionally stable?” he takes it in stride when the answer is an emphatic “NO!” After a shower of flowers is thrown towards the stage during ‘Grapejuice’, before he leaves, he shares his flowers out among the crowd. “I know how important it is to be here tonight, what it means to me to be here tonight,” he tells the room in a moment of unguarded sincerity. “It makes it feel like it’s supposed to be something all unto itself.”

“It gets really scary that it might never live up to what I think it’s gonna be,” he continues, expressing gratitude to his band, his crew, the staff, the room, every person in front of and behind him. “I want to thank you, because every single time I come here you give me these memories that I know I’m gonna be thinking about for the rest of my life.”

He’s not the only one that’ll carry tonight with them. Gathering at the edge of the arena to practice the boot scoot dance routine between bands, joining up in a conga line during ‘Treat People With Kindness’, swaying arm-in-arm with friends and strangers during ‘Matilda’, lying down to look at the stars during ‘Fine Line’, his fans jump heart first into every moment not just with him, but with each other.

Together, they make this surreal, sensational experience feel like home. This isn’t just Harry’s show; it’s everyone’s.

[ghostofwriting]

love of my life by harry styles is also a song that i think rafe would put out on the album.

"i dont know you half as well as all my friends [...] maybe you dont know whats lost til you find it."

idk at this point every sad harry song makes me think of #them .

okay me. There are a lot of songs that make me think of them but none of them come close to Place In Me by Luke Hemmings which is why I chose it and keep mentioning it in the tweets.

I'm using this ask as a place to dissect it because my brain will not stop thinking about the correlation between the song and Rafe x reader. I didn't even base this fic off the song but it fits so perfectly so I HAVE to talk about it.

Hold on I never meant you any harm Got no legs to stand on I was just dancin' in the dark

"dancing in the dark" was his mindset during that whole era, he was on drugs, and his mental health wasn't doing well at all. It's not an excuse but he's finally coming to terms with how much he hurt her but he has nothing to stand on because he shouldn't have done what he did to her, there's no excuse. He's telling her in song to hold on, to listen to the lyrics for insight on how he feels because he doesn't know how to tell her any other way.

Now with my eyes wide open It's heaven in your arms, mm

He sees it now, now that he's in a better place mentally and he's clean, he can see the harm he has caused and what he has lost. "Heaven in your arms" obviously knowing that she helped him so much and he was so safe to fall apart with her, realizing his feelings go way deeper than he thought they did but being stuck. And of course 'heaven' to tie it back to 'angel.'

Hold on I never meant to start a war I was just dead wrong I know we've been in this before

Again, not excusing him but, he didn't know what he was doing when he said those things to her. He had his reasons, which I will expand on in the fic. He didn't mean to start this friction between them for all those years and make his friends choose sides. He realizes that he was wrong but again, he's stuck. She won't look at him how she used to.

Now with my eyes wide open I tore you right apart, mm

Speaks for itself, he tore her apart, he ruined her and he knows that now that there's clarity.

Call me in the morning, yeah I'm sorry that I let you down, I I'm so apathetic, it's pathetic But I need you now, now

This is him knowing that he's in the wrong for needing her because of how much he's harmed her. Y/n said that she couldn't believe that the person she had known since she was 10, the boy that he was at 13 would have done to her what he did to her. And he knows that. He knows what she thinks.

Sun's gone But you always liked this time of day No words left to play on How many chances does it take? Now with my eyes wide open I'm nothing but a fake

This verse explains how tied he is to her, how his identity is very much based on how she sees him and how he doesn't think too highly of his self-worth if she sees him as a bad guy. "No words left to play on" The fact that she doesn't give him the time of day, there is nothing that he can do to fix it with her.

Don't you move Can't we just stay? Can we start over? Don't fade away

'Cause you'll always have a place in me

You'll always have a place in me

I think the rest of this is pretty on the nose. That's why it fits so perfectly. He doesn't want her to leave, he wants a chance to start over with her but he's dumb and has no idea how to tell her that and is going about it all wrong. As well as the fact that y/n doesn't want anything to do with him. Had this been anyone else, she would have left their life and never looked back. He knows that and he also knows that she only tolerates him for the band. In a way, he's lucky because without the band he would have never seen her again. He's very limited in what he can do to get her attention and ask for another chance. He also just doesn't think he deserves one. Selfishly though, he wants her to stay with him forever, even if it's at arm's length. even if that means she never talks to him again. Because she will always have a place in him.

Anyway thank you for reading to the end of this if you did. I love this song, I love Luke, and I love how well this goes with Rafe's pov.

[wonijinjin]

Hii~ I found your blog and I love your writing style! I saw your requests and matches are open and I got curious about the match. It's very interesting to me to see which member people will match me with based off my vibe.

So, would you like to match me with a Seventeen member, please? 😇

I basically have two different aesthetics; dark colors, Doc. Martens, rock, metal, "e-girl". If you know anything about Harry Potter, I'd fit right into Slytherin. The greens and the snake symbols are awesome to me.

But at the same time I like "coquette". Soft or muted pinks, Chanel No.5, bags, Marie from The Aristocats. This side of me wants to explore Paris and eat pain au chocolate all day every day.

Some of my hobbies are journalling (or scrapbooking), making beaded jewellery, gaming, listening to music and go on coffee dates (either by myself or with friends). Ofcourse I watch Netflix as well. My absolute favorite show is Stranger Things. Sometimes I wish I could live in the 80s... oh look, another aesthetic.

Speaking of music, my top 5 svt songs are;

• Fear

• Rock

• Hot

• Back It Up

• Fire

Hope I gave you enough to work with! Thank you so much and have a nice day! 🫶🏻

hi lovely! thank you for requesting a match, the member i would pair you up with is…

SEUNGCHEOL!

both of you give off a dual vibe as you have mentioned in your ask aswell, as much as he is a hardcore protective man he is an adorable baby (aegyo king) , so therefore he would love to have someone who has the same vibes and duality.

he would definitely spoil you with those gorgeous handbags and the most beautiful pieces of clothing (if you are into dresses that is definitely something we would buy in both cutesy pinks and fiery reds/dark green/black). i think he is very drawn to people who can be edgy and like the type of music his unit represents and stands for, and we have seen how precious his loved ones are to him, babying them a lot, so he would definitely be whipped if you made him a cute bracelet (he would wear it everywhere).

there would be many nights when he would love to game with you, even watch your favourite shows on a laptop or the tv, enjoying the calm vibes together.

speaking of the coquette aesthetic, he would definitely make that concept come true by taking you to the most fancy and expensive restaurants and cafés a person could find, no matter how far they are.

overall i think he would love you unconditionally every minute, and the two of you would make each other complete by easily adapting to the other’s mood and wants.:)

[penname-artist]

Reymund Valentinas Brainrot

My brain currently fixated on this child again this morning and I want to fact-dump some more while he STILL doesn't have a debut fic, unlike his brother. >:(

-If you've ever wanted to get a clearer picture of the kind of life and relationships Apollo and Rey had, not just as siblings but in relation to their parents, just look at all of the flashbacks that Tahani has of her sister and herself in The Good Place. Envision that as Apollo. You'll see why he's always at ends with Rey.

-Reymund went through interesting phases through his childhood. Yes, he did have his major emo phase that Apollo checked out of, and that did have a hand in his music taste, but remember that he was also a stupidly affluent kid growing up, and everything he was into had to have a sense of tastefulness to it the likes a good aesthetic should have. What I'm saying is that his emo phase was less about grunge and more about marrying victorian goth to a Renessaince Depression.

-Since his breaking away from home and going full musical career, Rey's done some pretty impressive stuff for what was essentially a kid. Among those things was break out of a lot of previously daunting 'norms' of a successful musical artist, including the themes that reached his songs, which were almost exclusively never directly about romantic love.

-Ironically - and discovered completely by accident - Reymund and Jackson Storm are the same age, both born in the year 1991. Though, Rey is still quite a bit younger, given he was born on December 4th.

-When the name "Reyzor C" became big in the music industry, a lot of people were of course wondering what the C was there to stand for. They could make the connection of Reymund to Reyzor, but his last name was Valentinas; where's the C? Well it comes out of his middle name, Christian. Yup, his name is Reymund Christian Valentinas.

-He has aquired more music-note tattoos over the years in various locations along his body (or paint, depending on the style you use). However, most all of them are tiny, aside from his one main tattoo featured on his left outer thigh (or in the WoC, his left flank)

-You can tell the age of the albums he's created based on the length of his hair; when he started out, he had a very short asymmetrical cut going on. Over the years though, the left side of his hair has continuously been left to grow longer.

-Tell NOBODY that his nosering was inspired by Apollo getting a tongue piercing. He wanted one too and just didn't want to be called out for copying, so he just chose a piercing on a different part of the body and called it a day.

-Although Rey identifies securely as a cis male, his fashion sense is nigh short of Harry Styles levels of gender-fuckery. Heels? 100%. Flowing floral tops? You know it. Jewelry? Absolutely, the more the merrier. So long as it fits that aesthetic they're trying to capture, Reymund has enjoyed wearing a whole myriad of different styles.

-A lot of his more recent anxiety problems have been spiked further not just from the constant pressure to write specific genres of songs, but also because of the recent retirement of his absolute favorite makeup artist who's walked him through the mass majority of his weariness. Saga - who you might remember from here - has been a pillar in his career and personal life, and though she's no longer working now, they've remained in touch. (Funny how that circle comes around, ain't it?)

-Few times have Rey and Apollo actually seen eye-to-eye on matters, but when they do, it's a very heartwarming sibling moment. One of the most notable was Rey's first Pride Parade experience. He was really anxious the majority of the time, so Apollo (who'd gone with him for the sake of nerves) tried to comfort him in what ways he could, and ice cream seemed like a good bet. Vegan, of course, though. He knows his preferences. (side note I added the "I forgot about posting this for Pride until it was long after the month of Pride" comic strip OF this occurance)

-Ironically, you can almost always tell when they're standing next to each other that Apollo and Rey are siblings. They're the same height, the same hair color and usually same style, they're both thin and lanky, pale-skinned, their eye color is pretty close to one another (Rey's a little more green and Apollo's a little more hazel) and even a lot of their speaking tone and mannerisms are strikingly similar. It's a shame they've clashed so much over their lives, they could make an awesome duo business together.

M'kay that's my brainrot for now, danke for listening in because my God I wanna get this poor child off the ground and into a fic, and it's IN the process of being written, I'm just working on like 40+ WiPs again as per usual. But enjoy nonetheless!

[fallingsunflower]

Thanks love ♡ :) Would you mind just clarifying the question? Are you asking my thoughts on Harry and how his team molds him? Or something different? Just want to make sure I answer correctly! /// Yeah! asking about what do you think his team's weaknesses are and what do you think would be better thing for you to see come out of Harry and the way he is looked at by the media? I just want your thoughts on Harry and his team and maybe other people could answer too? Thank you again!

no problem, happy to answer :)

I suspect Jeff’s had his eye on Harry for a loooong time since the 1D days, which seems plausible because they’ve been friends for a while. I suspect Jeff whispered in his ear how great a solo career would be, hence a slight shift I picked up on during 1D. I blame Harry entirely for why 1D split up (I’m not angry about it - just my opinion). I think at the time he was young and impressionable and placed all his trust in other people beside himself, which is something I think he struggles with till this day. He reminds me as someone who knows what he wants and is confident up until a point before feeling the need to ask for permission (generally speaking). I think he deals with some attachment issues, plus a sprinkle of anxiety and depression. I worry it might worsen if he doesn’t slow down because he doesn’t seem to have many friends, or rather close friends, that he doesn’t work with and the people he DOES work with seem somewhat fame hungry. I think they care about Harry but not in the way he needs, but of course I could be wrong. Like for example Jeff strikes me at the type to run over right away if Harry falls down to make sure he’s okay, but then say “don’t you want to get back up?” which passive aggressively inserts his own opinion into Harry’s and kind of twists him into believing Jeff’s wants are his own. Does that make sense? It’s just a vibe I get based off of a couple interactions I’ve seen. I think Harry’s team is pushy and manipulative but they don’t realize it fully, and Harry is easily moldeable and also doesn’t entirely realize he might be taken advantage of (although I could also suspect he realizes something is wrong but doesn’t know exactly what). All he’s known is Simon Cowell and Jeffrey Azoff. Jeff prob seemed like God above coming to save him from 1D and now he can’t leave him - aka the attachment issues I mentioned earlier (again my opinion) and Jeff knows it. And I think the other members of Harry’s team are piggybacking and riding the fame train. Harry Styles has become a brand but personally, I’d rather know Harry the person.

In my dream world, and this is going to be controversial, I would love to see Harry open up a little more. Maybe make his Instagram more personal. Post for his mom’s birthday. Talk about how grateful he is for his fans. Share what he’s doing every once in a while. Share some of his feelings about love and places he likes, maybe his favorite recipe or book. I’d also want to see him openly support other artists/people just because and not when it’s convenient for him. I also think he should better communicate with his fans. I think the relationship between him and his fans has turned into a relationship between God and her followers, which it shouldn’t be. It seems unhealthy and I fully believe if he set boundaries and talked about it, we would see a major shift in a positive way. I would also like to see him promote his OWN things, such as Pleasing, Gucci HaHaHa, his own songs or movies. It all comes across as such an impersonal money thing sometimes and it’s such a turn off for me personally.

I think that ^^ it partially Harry’s decision from not wanting to be on social media that often which is fair, but I also think his team is egging it on. Keeps him “mysterious” and a blank canvas so his fans can idolize him and he can appeal to a larger percentage of people. Pick a category and you can almost always put him in that box if you look at it from that perspective.

Idk if this fully answers the question. Harry’s teams weaknesses, imo, are sprinkled into my response. I just think they want to be big and famous and everything else isn’t as important.

Happy to talk more about it :)

Also just to stress again, this is just my opinion. I can already sense the angry asks lmao

[wolfiemcwolferson]

i wrote u a message some time ago abt it but it seems that it was not delivered or something like that (might be my own fault cause I ~may or may not~ have had 3 glasses of wine before so absolutely no fuckin idea if I actually sent it or just wrote it and went to sleep)

ANYWAYS….

I have written u before telling how I ABSOLUTELY ADORE the way you write piarles (ultimate otp), and then the last fantasy fest fic…. I MEAN…. I’ve read it 4 or 5 times already and I absolutely love omfg how can u write something like thisssssss. I think by the time the winter e can he fic comes I’ll probably have memorized if, and then I’ll just memorize the winter exchange fic also because I KNOW it will be perfection as always.

(whenever u can, please feed me with your piarles fics, thoughts, 5 sentences prompts. I take everything u want to give)

Hi friend!

Your message from a few weeks ago did send, but sometimes I'm so overwhelmed with the nice things people are saying that I hoard them up like little nuggets and re-read them at 3 AM when my brain is telling me to delete everything in my current google doc and start over.

BUT, I appreciate your kind words so so much it's unbelievable that other people love my little brain drabbles as much as I love coming up with them.

I have a little one that I have had in my notes app forever and ever that isn't full fic worthy, but would make an interesting little ficlet so here you go:

Piarles AU- based off the song Cherry by Harry Styles, but with a Happy Ending

Charles makes a burner Instagram account - which is really really stupid considering he did it when he was drunk with Carlos and the username is absolutely something Pierre would recognize, but...maybe he'll see it and feel guilty. Maybe one day he'll be checking to see if someone has watched one of his dumb stories on Instagram and he'll see it and he'll know. Charles is still waiting. Maybe he'll feel guilty then.

Because Charles misses him. Every single time his phone dings and he gets a dumb notification on that stupid burner account that Pierre has posted a story, dread fills him up. Is he finally going to post the probably boyfriend? Is he finally going to do more than soft launch him?

Soft launch - stupid stupid word that Lando had used to describe whatever Pierre was doing with that man. Posting pictures of two plates out at a fairly romantic dinner. An artsy shot of a flat that definitely didn't belong to Pierre. A balcony that leads out to a ridiculous view of a French vineyard.

Stupid French boys with stupid money and parents with rare art collections that steal soulmates and - it would hurt less if Pierre had looked miserable for at least a day. One single day of him looking miserable.

But, the day - the day - after he told Charles that Pierre 'needed time to figure out if he was doing the right thing', he was back to his normal self. Smiling in pictures. Hiking. Going out clubbing with Yuki.

Charles wanted to scream at him a little bit. How dare you doubt this? You know who I am just as I know who you are. I've known who you are since I met you. You are the person who knows me best. You are the person who helps me buy clothes so I do not wear one color. (Charles doesn't like to think too much about the fact that he has been broken of that habit completely and it is thanks to Pierre's years and years of work.)

Pierre didn't need to figure out if he was doing the right thing. Because the wrong thing was what he was doing now. (But it's hard for Charles to find fault in him. All Pierre has ever known is Charles and Pierre...well, Pierre thinks things to death.) ((But, what is there to think about when you and your best friend admit that the feelings you have for each other go well past platonic? What is there to think about?)) (((Charles is being a dick. There is plenty to think about. Pierre is so hesitant to give his heart away. That's fine. Charles will wait.)))

Yuki comes to see him when he's on this side of the city - bringing him absolutely zero scraps of Pierre, but plenty of gossip about their other friends - who Charles does miss, but all their conversations are stilted and odd. No one wants to bring it up. Charles doesn't know if he's thankful for it or he hates it. Probably a bit of both.

Charles is laying on the couch, thinking about calling Carlos to come over and drag him out of his flat so he doesn't have another night of...this, when his phone buzzes on the table. It's Instagram and he huffs before swiping it open and Instagram switches his account, pulling up Pierre's newest Instagram story.

It's a short video of footage from a train window. Going home.

Charles lets his phone drop to the floor, scrubbing his hands over his face a few times before he picks it back up and pulls up Carlos' contact. He can go out. He will go out and he'll - he'll dance with his friends and he will...not think about Pierre.

.

Post shower, Charles is arranging his hair in a way that says...well, something. Lando will rearrange it when he gets here so he's not sure why he's bothering, but his door is buzzing and he gives up. Going to swing it open and beg Lando to help him, please.

It's not Lando.

"I was hoping," Pierre says, eyes on the floor, hands in the pocket of his coat, voice small and scared, "that you still meant what you said at Halloween."

Charles is frozen in the spot. "That I love you?"

Pierre's eyes flick up to his, quick, and then immediately back down. Like he's afraid.

"I do. I still love you."

Pierre takes one step towards the door, eyes still on the floor. "I know now." He shrugs, voice smaller. "I am sorry, Charlito. I should have -"

Charles reaches for him. Tucks him into his arms. "You know now." He whispers, feeling Pierre cling to him. "You know now."

"I love you too." Pierre sobs into Charles' chest.

He came home.

[xomby]

hi you have an excellent taste in music could i ask about the yates playlist i would very much like to hear about the yates playlist!! :)

OMG HI first of all thank you and i’m so excited you’re interested in the playlist!!! i guess the basic rundown i can do is what songs goes to what events, and hopefully you see where i’m coming from cause some of these are insane to me in terms of yates 🤧

1-5: of little to no relevance they’re just early yates fun, also i definitely put genres and sounds that i think seem like the characters regardless of lyrics so they’re all just music i think yates would like basically idk

gotta get up- harry nilsson: beginning of his burnout. idk it’s about growing up and life getting less fun and seeming busy and serious which seems so real for him

chemical world- blur: GREEN DEATH BABY. most of the song is obviously referencing the progression of our “chemical world” to a point of emptiness and dysfunction which is real for the serial and also ik these lyrics:

are about drugs but in any context anything about something eating away at you/ diminishing identity can be soooo gutting in yates context..

got a feelin’- the mamas & the papas: no lyrical relevance but another green death song just cause it would ball on the soundtrack for when he’s brainwashed

life line- harry nilsson: first of all shoutout to the point! for being an incredible movie. secondly, this song is so definitively the yates getting un-brainwashed by the metabelis crystal. i have a whole 70s style psychedelic animation of it planned out in my head that i hope to make to this song someday. god it’s incredible just listen to it and picture yates pov metabelis crystal un-brainwashing please. these are the final lyrics

set me free- the kinks: post brainwashing agony song

look at me now- elo: invasion of the dinosaurs song 🤒 i think it does sooo well capturing the stress and like awful feelings of his arc in that serial

breakdown- suede: operation golden age fails he loses everything and everyone and then his mind finally becomes a little clearer and he’s left with nothing 👍

who loves the sun- the velvet underground: this one goes along with what i imagine would be a time of being quietly resigned to misery.. he’s trying sort himself out and come to some kind of peace, but it’s the early days of healing from trauma which are literally awful

fender bender- kid koala: just very late-arc yates music based on sound alone idk

new world rising/ocean breakup reprise- elo: planet of the spiders yayyy!!! this one has such a positive sort of tune paired with such intense instrumentals it’s a good parallel for the serial.. yates is trying actively to heal and be positive and forgive himself, while around him things keep on being a mess, but much more lighthearted than the 2 prior adventures

norwegian wood- the beatles: post planet of the spiders. peaceful, whimsical, hippyish.. very much the vibe i think he wants by the end. this one feels like a positive closing note for his character

SO that’s very long but that’s the gist of it!!! i hope i explained this decently and our minds are on the same yates wavelength cause i know soooo much of the relevance of these are conjecture or just personal opinion…. but i hope this is kind of what you’re looking for, and again i’m so happy you’re into the playlist!!!!! 😋😋