#as were the andals and possibly the first men (though their history is a bit murky to judge yet)

[rhaenin-time]

Dany isn't a "white saviour" as we understand them in our world.

It's hard to explain so I'll leave it at this for now:

She's what a "white saviour" pictures themselves as, what they model themselves after, but she, herself, is not a "white saviour." The context needed for her to be a "white saviour" does not apply; it's debatable if it even really exists in ASOIAF.

A "white saviour" is someone who benefits from oppression, and wants a pat on the back for playing hero by "softening" that oppression for a day. The closest she gets to "white saviour" territory is actually in book 1 when she protects the women from Drogo's men. And even then, she had little agency to do anything further, was far more helpful than most "white saviours" could ever dream of, and most importantly, that's when she learns you can't hide behind small mercies in unjust systems; you need to ABOLISH the unjust systems.

If anything, her early arc is literally an anti "white saviour" arc. Because "white saviours" don't use their power to abolish unjust systems. The unjust systems are the SOURCE of their power, and they use their power to hide their complicity behind the very small mercies Dany knows to be insufficient.

[agentrouka-blog]

How would the various Vale Mountain Clans and Free Folk view each other and interact if they ever somehow came into contact, in your opinion?

I expect they would be very mutually accepting?

The mountain clans in the Vale seem both more flamboyant (cutting off ears, burning out eyes), more tribal (with names for every clan), more patrilineal (Shagga son of Dolf, Gunthor son of Gurn, Chella daughter of Cheyk) and less politically resourceful in a way than the wildlings beyond the Wall do, who regularly unite under kings to make trouble for the North, who practice agriculture and trade (where possible). Clearly there are some differences owed to their separate histories.

Still they seem to have much in common with the free folk beyond the Wall, specifically because they held on to their way of life stubbornly even without the imposition of a massive ice wall. They just wanted to be free, and the wildlings beyond the Wall would probably respect the hell out of that.

The clans of the Mountains of the Moon are clearly descendants of the First Men who did not bend the knee to the Andals and so were driven into the mountains. Furthermore, there are similarities in their customs to the customs of the wildlings beyond the Wall—such as bride-stealing, a stubborn desire to rule themselves, and the like—and the wildlings are indisputably descended from the First Men. (The World of Ice and Fire - Ancient History: The Arrival of the Andals)

Tyrion's POV treats them as a bit of a convenient curiosity, but we know that they only allied with the Lannisters for the very specific purpose of acquiring resources to improve their own independent position, and we have been given to understand that they have put these resources to "good" use. I would not be surprised if they united under one rule to make a more successful bid at gaining the thing they are really after:

But Gunthor raised a hand. "No. I would hear his words. The mothers go hungry, and steel fills more mouths than gold. What would you give us for your lives, Tyrion son of Tywin? Swords? Lances? Mail?" (AGOT, Tyrion VI)

Food. Survival. Winter is here. Their plight is not so different from that of the Northern wildlings, though less supernaturally motivated.

I don't know if they'll necessarily meet each other, unless Sansa performs absolute miracles of diplomacy and the ancient enmity between Valemen and mountain clans is softened to the point where the clans would march North with them. (Though never say never.)

But if they did meet, I think both kinds of wildlings would take to each other like twins separated at birth.

[ginmo]

Favorite theories regarding Brienne’s mother?

You didn’t ask about MY theory BUT IMMA SAY IT

I think it’s very possible her Dunk ancestry is through her mother which, imo, is the most straightforward route to explain everything. 

Brienne is a major POV character. 

(Before I get a hater going LMAO YoU WiSh ShE wAs A MaJoR PoV LoLLLL ---> [x] )

This is the over-explainer GRRM we’re talking about. If we don’t know who the mother is to a high born major POV character, then it’s probably because her identity is a spoiler somehow, whether it be a spoiler in the series or spin off series. Brienne is the only high born major POV character with only half of her identity known. She’s an heir, will inherit special titles, and we don’t know half of her political ties by birth. It’s very uncharacteristic of GRRM - the king of unnecessary detail. 

And it’s not even like her mother was never mentioned. There were dozens of opportunities for a one-off name drop, or even a mention of just her mother’s surname as she passes by the 3475305988 towns on her journeys, reminding her of a connection. Absolutely nothing. Not even in A World of Ice and Fire. Just, “my mother.” I can’t help but come to the conclusion that such an easy-to-include layer hasn’t been written because her mother’s identity is intentionally being kept hidden. 

Which makes me think her mother is attached to Dunk, a character in his other unfinished series. Refusing to name her could be him playing it safe in his gardening style of writing, because maybe he hasn’t decided how he wants that half of Brienne’s ancestry and history to be. The whole butterfly effect of that decision. OR her name is legit a massive spoiler for Dunk’s story. 

Hopefully we’ll find out eventually, though! In 2016, a fan asked GRRM,  "Will we ever learn how Brienne descends from Dunk?" GRRM replied, "Eventually. All will be revealed in time." [x] Imo that reply strongly suggests we’ll find out during one of the future installments of Dunk and Egg. HER ANCESTRY IS A SPOILER TO HIS OTHER SERIES, MY SWEETS, WHILE HER MOTHER IS AN UNNECESSARY MYSTERY. 

**Now HOW is her mother a descendent?**

I don’t know. But here are timeline details: 

Ser Duncan the Tall

Born: 191, 192, or 193 AC 

First known mention of him as a KG knight is  236 AC

Lord Commander by 252, 253 AC

Died: 259 AC at Summerhall 

Assuming he stayed true to his KG vows, some time between 210 AC and 236 AC he had a child. 

This Dunk situation is really confusing, because he was Lord Commander of the Kingsguard when he died. So was his child a bastard? Did he abandon mother and child? If so, why would his shield be passed down? Was he married and then his wife died and his child or children were already married off so he joined the KG? 

I’m leaning towards the latter. 

If his child was married by the time he joined the KG, then that means he had a child most likely between 210 AC (in 210 he doesn’t have a kid) and 220 AC, since the first mention of him as KG was 236 AC. I wouldn’t put him in the KG any earlier than 233 AC (the year Egg became king and Dunk helped Aemon leave for the NW). 

Let’s go in the middle and say Brienne’s grandparent was born in 215 AC. That means her grandparent was 15 - 20 years old when married. 

Brienne’s mother is then maybe born in the 240s or 250s. Selwyn Tarth was born in 245/246 AC. Brienne was born in 280 AC. 

SOOO, with this scenario, I think Dunk was her great grandfather on her mother’s side. 

Dunk married

His wife had a child/children

a) His daughter was married into a family - spoiler name that GRRM won’t give to Brienne’s mom. 

b) His son married and got the shield. His son had a daughter and that daughter married Selwyn. GRRM doesn’t give us a name to her mother, because it would be even MORE spoilery, since his Targaryen son would have whatever surname would be associated with Dunk or take on the Targaryen name of his Targaryen wife)

He joined the KG later in life, after the death of his wife and marriage of his kid

But WHO DID DUNK MARRY AH

Well… 

An interesting nugget from AWoIaF

The Sapphire Isle, as some call it, is ruled by House Tarth of Evenfall Hall—an old family of Andal descent that boasts of ties to the Durrandons, the Baratheons, and more recently to House Targaryen.

Considering Dunk’s story is super closely tied to Targaryens, I don’t think it’s a stretch to assume that “more recently” is GRRM nodding to Dunk and his Dunk and Egg series and “more recently” is Brienne herself - the current heir to House Tarth. Putting all of the pieces together, including narrative purpose for Mystery Mom, Brienne would be the one carrying the “recent” blood ties to House Targaryen, not Selwyn. His connection would be through marriage. 

Brienne’s sister had a strong Targaryen name - Alysanne. Something about the random non-heir daughter inheriting a Targ name while the first born son gets a famous Tarth name sounds to me like the Targ name came from her mother. But there’s no evidence for that…    

Targaryen Wife Candidates: 

Dhaella Targaryen 

Born in 199 AC (a few years younger than Dunk) 

She was married and had at least one child. The names of her spouse and children are unknown. Her death is unknown. 

Rhae Targaryen 

Born 201 - 209 AC 

She was married and had at least one child. The names of her spouse and children are unknown. Her death is unknown. 

I’m going to put my money on Dunk being the mystery spouse for one of those two sisters.

BUT how can Dunk be a member of the Kingsguard if he had a child? Dunk having a child is fact. So he either had a kid before he joined the KG or when he was a member of the KG. Some members had bastards. Men with children have also joined the NW even though they aren't supposed to have children. Obviously the KG is different, because family allegiances could be a problem if there are conflicts of interest between their King and their children, BUT……. Dunk was very close to Egg, and if Dunk was married to one of Egg’s sister’s that died, and his child was a niece or nephew to Egg, then Dunk’s family would be the Targaryen family… the only problem would be if his child or descendants decided to usurp Egg. But Dunk was so loyal to Egg that I doubt there would be any concern. So I don’t think Dunk fathering a child and being married before he joined the KG later in life would have been a problem. 

It’s possible Dunk went against his KG vows and fathered a daughter (Brienne’s mom) while a member, and in that case it’s actually possible he’d be Brienne’s grandfather instead of great grandfather, which would be even EXTRA spoilery if we knew who her mother was. If that were the case, then Dunk didn’t marry one of the sisters, because he would have been in the KG and couldn’t marry, so it wouldn’t have been Rhae or Dhaella, since they had spouses, unless the child was a bastard and he had an affair. But then the kid would have probably been passed off as the spouse’s and the shield wouldn’t have been passed on. OR he had a kid with someone else. I find all this less likely. 

SO:

Her connection to Dunk is a spoiler.

Dunk was very close to a Targaryen

Literally everything about her mother has unnecessarily been kept a mystery.

“more recently” Targaryen ties

And yeah, the Targaryen connection and Dunk connection don’t have to be from the same side of her parentage. Or Targaryen on both sides, Dunk on one, Targaryen on one side, Dunk on both. But I wouldn’t understand why, from a narrative standpoint. It would feel a bit much. 

The Targaryen and Dunk connection could be through Selwyn. But… I just don’t find it a coincidence that the mother to a high born major POV is a huge question mark, her ancestor is bffs with a Targ, it’s an ongoing unfinished series with Dunk’s baby making being an actual spoiler for future books, and then GRRM goes off with “more recently” in AWoIaF like he’s lounging back, sipping that tea, dropping some sort of subtle Dunk and Egg promotion through a fun hint.  

Brienne’s mom being both the Targ and Dunk connection holds the most narrative weight while also being the least convoluted way to explain it all. 

[lovelykhaleesiii]

Fire & Ice (Part 1/2)

Pairing: ONE-SHOT Michael Langdon x fem!Reader (Game of Thrones AU) 

Words: 2.5k

Summary: Game of Thrones AU - Reader is forced into an arranged marriage to Michael, through her brother, Viserys. In exchange for her, Michael guarantees them a spot in the Sanctuary and restoration to their family’s name and rule. 

Warnings: ANGSTYYYY, mentions of arranged marriage, fluffy!Michael

REQUESTED BY - ANON 

“ hi! idk if requests are open but I was wondering if you could do a Michael Langdon x reader 2 one-shot au based on Daenerys and Khal Drogo’s arranged marriage minus the abuse because that’d be too much and Michael is soft (enough said!) please? thanks :) ” 

A/N - Just to let you know, the reader in this is a Targaryen, wasn’t sure if you didn’t want her to be or not, so I thought to include it tho :) Sorry for the long wait, and I really hope you enjoy xox I’m really sorry if this wasn’t what you envisioned, but it was the best possible way I thought the story could flow! I tried to combine both the storylines from both shows. I tried really hard, so sorry if its shit 😫

“Y/N!”

The familiar, stern voice of your older brother, Viserys, booming through the hallways, sent chills down your spine. Indeed he was your brother, and essentially the only living family you had left, as the both of you were the only existing members of your dying house, house Targaryen, and yet it was he who frightened you the most. You had grown to understand, that he was a man of bad character: he was never mindful of you, never considerate of your feelings nor your worth, was too invasive and extremely controlling…To the point where he made the sole decision to arrange you for marriage: without a single word from you, or any sort of input, you’d become a bride to be and there simply was no way of arguing your way out.

“I promised him a wife, and he promised me an army, a crown and the throne. He promised us a position in the sanctuary. You know that since we lost our rule, our reign and all our treasures we can’t buy our way in. This is our only chance to live, sweet sister. Now, do as I say, for the sake of our family’s legacy…Because Y/n, we are the last Targaryens, the rightful heirs. Do it for the sake of who we are.”

Yet much to your unfortune, your husband had arranged a day to meet you, to see you face to face, for him to make the final judgement as to whether he wanted to marry you or not…Still you had no say in your own future. You hadn’t known much about him nor how he looked, despite knowing that he was in fact a man of wealth, of strength and of great power, from the rumours you’d heard…And today was the day you’d finally meet.

And the only other thing you knew of him, was that of his name…Michael Langdon.  

“There’s our bride to be!” Viserys called, holding what seemed to be a beautiful, silk violet dress. Having interfered your thoughts, of you remiscining the precise moment you’d been told you were to sold off, you hesitantly tore your attention from the serene view of the city, and immediately walked over to Viserys.

“It’s a gift, from the Cooperative...Go on touch it. I want you to wear it for today.”

Mesmerised by the fabric, you instinctively reach your hand out to touch it. Your fingers gently stroking through the dress, satisfied by its smooth texture, amazed by the gesture of the gift, despite not yet meeting your husband to be.

“I need you to be perfect today…Can you do that for me?

“You don’t want to wake the dragon, do you?”

“No” You silently uttered, no more than a whisper. You’d always spoken this way, you simply grew accustomed to being dubious, submitting yourself to fear and fright, enticed by your superiors. To them you were just a pawn.

“When the write the history of my reign sweet sister, they will say it began today…”  

***

Dissonant sounds of chattering, and the whistling of the light breeze was all that filled the silence and the tension. You both awaited for Michael and his companions to arrive, standing in between behind your Viserys and you your landlord, Illyrio Mopatis.

“Where is he?” Viserys questioned, sensing his growing frustration as his impatience as per usual ran thin all too quickly.

“The Cooperative are not known for their punctuality.”

All to coincidentally, the distant sound of hooves stomping against the solid concrete ground followed by the heavy wheels of a carriage being pulled grew louder, and much more closer. You felt your body tense, by the second, the inevitability of this arrangement and the unpredictability of its outcome began taking its toll on you.

Many times before, you’d tried convincing yourself that this situation in its entirety was all simply a dream, that it was all just a nightmare far to vivid for you to awake. Yet once the black carriage had come into view, trying best to pinch yourself on the arm, thinking that would do the trick, you knew better than to remain in denial. This was happening, and there was no way of escaping it.

When the horses stood afront of you all, the carriage coming to a halt behind, instantly you felt your heart leaping from your chest, this gut-wrench feeling wavering through your body.

As its door swung open, 3 men each walked out, all wearing similar black suits which you felt instinctively couldn’t have been Michael, with a tiny, middle-aged woman, with short black hair yet again in a similar black suit exit through: in pairs each standing on either side of the carriage.

Finally, there he stood.

The least to say, you were breath taken: he was gorgeous. Wearing a red, velvet suit, luscious, long golden hair flowing just past his broad shoulders, with a towering height compared to the rest, his eyes this light blue colour that were ever so piercing, yet ever so mesmerising. His features all too accentuated, exemplified his age, his maturity you felt.

“Welcome, my honoured guests! May I present to you, Viserys of House Targaryen, the third of his name, the rightful king of the Andals and the first men. And his sister, Y/N of House Targaryen.”

Before your thoughts could roam any further, you’d remembered that Illyrio insisted you walked down and greet your fellow and yet potential husband to be. Out of respect that you assumed was the reason for this, although Illyrio simply clarified, that Michael was a man not to be taken lightly, and was definitely not to be kept waiting. So, before you had the chance to even speak a word to him, you were certain you did not at all want to upset him and began to gradually walk, as Illyrio continued greeting his guests.

Instantly you felt your body being aggressively pulled, your arm tugged back as Viserys held on, preventing you from walking down the steps to greet Michael. Your eyes were fixated on him, just as his were when he exited the carriage: you felt giddy, yet still most fearful. A part of you wanted him to say no, in that way you’d have your freedom for now, until perhaps Viserys struck up another bargain with a powerful figure. Yet for now, your fate was held in the hands of a complete stranger.

“Do you see his stature and those fellow companions?  Michael Langdon has never been defeated, in anything. He gets what he wants, when he wants. He’s the Antichrist of course, one of the most influential people alive…And you will be his Queen.”

The whisper of his words, left you senseless, paralysed by fear. You were potentially going to wed a monster, or worse you were currently face to face with him. You’d never felt this terrified ever, not even Viserys startled you this much.

“Come forward my dear” Illyrio had shouted, his eyes widening with impatience, as he gestured you to walk…It seemed you had kept them waiting.

You felt your breath hitch in your throat, you mind trying hard to comprehend the news that Michael was essentially the son of Satan… How was it even possible? Surely he was just pure evil, worse than Viserys, and you’d believed no one could have ever been more worse than him…

Walking down the final step, coming face to face with Michael: you were much shorter than him. His towering figure overlooking you, every inch of your body exposed for him to see, for him to torment. The dress was no help either… It’s silk fabric was ever so thin, that your nipples were on display for all to see, the breeze hardening them, causing them to look perkier than usual. The fabric tight, hugging your body, just enough to reveal your curves: your eyes still locked on his, watching him examining you, those piercing blue eyes travelling up and down your body. Stepping forward, just inches apart, he began circling you: like a predator hungry for its prey, you felt helpless, before returning to his original position.

Hesitantly, tearing his gaze apart from you, to Illyrio, giving him a swift nod of assurance, did he only then return to seat himself in the carriage. His companions following behind shortly, the horses continued riding on.

Puzzled you were, though a part of you had an inkling, knowing most likely what his decision had been.

“Where is he going?” Viserys shouted, his voice drenched in confusion as he hastily ran to stand beside Illyrio, wanting answers.

“The ceremony is over.”

“Well, he didn’t say anything. Did he like her?”

“Trust me, your Grace, if he didn’t like her, we’d know…”

***

Days had passed since you last saw Michael, since you’d last spent your time as a ‘free’ woman. Today was the wedding…

According to the words of your servants, as news travelled immensely fast, Michael insisted on having the wedding immediately: just as Illyrio said, he wasn’t a man to be kept waiting.

You were assisted in wearing this beautiful, white gown. Similar to the silk one you’d worn to your first meeting with Michael, one he had also gifted and insisted that you wear. Perhaps for sentimental value, you’d hope, searching for a bit of good in him, knowing well it probably wasn’t a natural occurrence of his.

Now you sat beside him, ever so still, ever so silently. Not much to your surprise, he looked as handsome as ever. Wearing a similar velvet suit, more maroon than before, with a long black coat, and red leather clothes, you both contrasted with the other yet still looked as though you both synchronised with one another. His hair still looked just as luscious the first time, he looked impeccable.

The ceremony was unique, held outdoors, in a private venue, overlooking the sea, with many esteemed guests that had been invited, all that you had not known. Many wore silver masks, or masquerades that completely hid their identities: perhaps it was the way of the Cooperative. All of whom were in debt to Michael. Yet it frightened you still.

The giving and receiving of gifts had began, as you sat beside your husband. Still the both of you hadn’t said a word to one another: Michael having many times tried to spark a conversation though was always interrupted by his guests coming to congratulate their ‘Lord’ on the marriage. And now, you felt at any moment, he try again, although you’ been to distracted by the most unusual, most shocking of gifts. One of the gifts you’d been most intrigued about, one that you felt ignited a feeling within you that you’d never felt before, the moment they had been laid in front of you…Dragon eggs, three of them in fact, just like the sigil of your house. Gifted by Michael himself, “from the Shadow Lands beyond Asshai…frozen in time.” Lifting one up, holding it in your bare hands, you felt empowered, like you never had before.

“My gift to you.”

“Th-Thank you” You stuttered, still staring at the egg grasped in your hand, observing its every fine detail.

Although, soon following them, laid before you two, the hissing sounds of a pit of snakes had startled your attention. Lowering the egg, returning it to its casket, looking over towards the snakes in complete fright, it was perhaps the most bizarre of all the gifts, yet you knew precisely of its significance to Michael. Despite not having had a proper, consistent education, having been on the run for so long, you were familiar with the traditions of the gods. Sneakily diverting your attention unto Michael, you’d noticed a small smirk growing on his face. Almost, as though it had been instinctively, as though he felt your eyes on him, he turned towards you, shooting you a heartfelt smile, that you immediately thought was a simple act of deceit. Immediately you’d pretended you hadn’t even seen him at all, and looked onwards towards the crowd of guests, dining, dancing and chattering away. It was your wedding yet a part of you felt like a complete foreigner.

“I’m sorry about before, having left you in the dark, you not knowing what was to come. I was simply just savouring the moment till I foun the best possible moment we could talk...Privately.”

His words interfered with your thoughts and growing concerns, yet he hadn’t startled you as you’d predicted. His tone was sincere, it felt soothing to hear.

“T-That’s alright, I understand, my Lord.”

“Michael, just call me Michael, Y/N. Please, I insist, since we’re bounded together for life and death.”

Nodding to his instruction, you wanted nothing more than to sit in silence, hoping that your shy behaviour would simply do the trick…Wrong.

“You look beautiful, can’t help but feel incredibly lucky” He interrupted, his words triggering you to instantly snap your head in his direction. It definitely wasn’t something you’d been expecting to hear, a compliment escaping his lips…Outrageous you thought, yet optimism ignited within you.

“Th-Thank you, Michael.”

A small smile brewing on your face, wanting to reassure to him that you were most thankful for his kind words, or perhaps for this marriage…You didn’t want to upset him in anyway possible, that may have shown his true colours. This Michael would do for now.

“The ceremony should be coming to an end soon. If you want we could just leave now? Our time perhaps could be spent more wisely, getting to know one another, than with these people.”

Instantly, he stood himself from his seat, his long hair flowing perfectly in time with the breeze. His hand reaching out to you, waiting for you to take it, and without any further hesitation, a part of you agreeing to his words willingly, you took it.

You felt yourself being pulled with ease, as he stood awaiting for you to ensure your dress was perfectly placed, before you looked up at him, nodding to signal that you were prepared.

“Thank you honoured guests, for joining us on this special evening. But I must inform you all that Y/N and I will be leaving now.”

“Hail Satan!” The crowd roared in unison, cheering to their Lord, as you both walked through the crowd, Michael leading the way as his hand continued to hold yours, gripping you tightly, as though to not lose you. You felt completely intimidated, feeling the stares of his followers burning through your skin, despite not actually witnessing their faces, you simply knew.

Finally having reached a breach in the crowd: you noticed Michael standing in front of the black carriage, he’d arrived with initially.

Opening the door, waiting by its side, just as you were about to enter, you felt his hand gripping your arm gently, as though not wanting to cause you pain, though wanting to stop you from entering. Gazing up at him, despite the watchful crowd, you felt the intimacy between you two growing immensely, and a part of you, as though instinct, wanting nothing more than to kiss. Just as though he’d read your thoughts, he began to edge closer to you, feeling his hands grip around your waist, pulling your body closer towards his chest, as your hands gripped his large biceps.

The feeling of his lips crushing down against yours, giving yourself into his affection, most willingly felt right and pure. His lips slightly parting, feeling a small smirk growing on his face as you looked up to find it was indeed a smile, he utters:

“My angel.”

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[iknownothingihearnothing]

Game of Thrones 8.4 “The Last of the Starks”

I. Am. MAD.

This...this week’s offering right here is an example of an episode I loved and loathed in equal measure. There were lovely moments of--

And then...then there were even more ones of--

Y’all know what I’m talking about. From Brienne’s heartbroken face to that motherfucking Northern stubbornness, to Missandei’s capture and death, to Jon still not knowing enough (he’s so naive), to Euron shooting poor Rhaegal out of the sky, to JON BEING A HORRIBLE WOLF-DADDY!

He just ABANDONED Ghost! Without even a pat goodbye! Even if he had to leave him, he could’ve at least spared a frigging goodbye. Yeah yeah budget blah blah. You couldn’t get an actual big, white, fluffy dog for the few seconds needed for Jon Snow to bid his wolfy buddy who RISKED HIS LIFE for him a proper farewell?! 

I pet my dog and call him a good boy when he gets the ball and goes poop outside. You couldn’t spare more than a “laters, brah” nod to your poor puppy?!

LOOK HOW SAD HE IS!

I want to hug him and kiss him and snuggle him and tell him he’s the goodest boi in the North. Pawning him off to Tormund to live Beyond the Not Wall where he knows no one, what’s the matter with you, Jogon of House Snowaryen?! 

Dany may be leaning a biiiiiit too far into her House Targaryen roots but at least she is a dedicated pet owner. We know she loves her...scale...babies? They have spines, right? Spine babies? Fire babies. 

Ugh, let’s get into this week’s slice of sadness. 

The episode opens with a massive funeral for those that died in the Battle of Winterfell. Including Jorah, Lyanna, Theon, Mr. Edd, and Beric, who is now definitely out of lives.

Dany, crying, leans over Jorah’s prone body, kisses his forehead, and whispers something we’ll never know into his ear.

At least, we’ll never know unless either Emilia or Iain decide to spill the deets. Iain Glen said in a post-ep interview with Entertainment Weekly that it was “something definitely profound”. But who knows, he could be bullshitting us and she actually said “I like muffins” or something and he had to lay there pretending to be dead.

On second thought, she’s English. So perhaps she prefers crumpets. 

Sansa is sniffling over Theon’s body and places a House Stark pin in his shirt. Jon is looking out at this sea of corpses like--

There is no more Ol’ Nighty to bring them back.

Or so we’re led to believe. 

The camera pans across the mourners and we catch a glimpse of our favorite furry friend.

He’s such a good, loyal doggo. Wolfo? Direwolfo. 

Oh Jon I am so MAD AT YOU!

Saving my rage for a bit further down. Barely.

Jon gives a farewell speech about all their dead--they defended the realms of men, no one will ever see their like again, etc. etc.--and then some of the mourners who knew the dead best are given flaming branches in order to set the bodies alight. In the North, they burn their dead. I guess cus the ground is forever frozen and one day someone from House Whyrevr said fuck it and lit his dead grandma on fire. 

Afterwards, they have a joint funeral/”glad we’re alive” party because of course they do. Kinda reminiscent of our shiva except people are sitting on chairs. At the head table, Jon is looking awkwardly at Dany--apparently, that whole “we’re technically related and oh you have a better claim to the throne than me” stuff has lingered beyond fighting for their lives. Damn. Not even surviving Team Undead’s invasion could get them out of that business. 

Elsewhere, Gendry asks the Hound if he’s seen Arya. Does Robert’s bastard have a wee more on his mind than all the death? Like, say, his wee-wee?

Some things never change, no matter what century it is.

Gendry tries to stutter that it’s not about that but the Hound knows it is. Gendry’s alive and the dead are not. Might as well take ASS-vantage of it.

Eh? Eh?

Srsly, this is like the worst party in the history of Westeros. Uh, aside from the Red Wedding (but not the Purple one, #ByeJoflecia). They just buried burnt a heap of their dead, two of their hosts are keeping a huge secret from everyone (and being super weird around each other because of it), and Dany’s endlessly fighting against that frigging Northern hardheadedness. It’s not GREAT, Bob.

Speaking of that famous Northern jackassery, Dany sees an opportunity to crack that stubborn ice as Gendry crosses the party hall. Calling him over, she at first inquires about his parentage, asks him if he knows that Robert Baratheon kinda had her whole family killed and wanted to slaughter her as an infant. Gendry’s like “Whoa, did not know that he was my daddy until after he was dead” and Dany’s all “Yep he dead and so are Renly and Stannis so who’s Lord of Storm’s End?” and no one knows.

This is Dany’s chance to make good.

Not only did Gendry survive the battle, he got laid and made a lord!

You go, Glenn Coco, Gendry Baratheon, Lord of Storm’s End!

Ser Davos, the onion knight (lol) leads the room in a toast to Gendry, the newest Lord on the block.

Don’t be fooled cus he’s now a Lord, he’s still he’s still Gendry from the Forge.

Tyrion remarks that now Gendry will forever be loyal to her and Dany says that he is not the only one that is clever.

Sansa, hearing this, looks at her like bats just sprouted from her head and flew out her ears while her eyes turned red as she chuckled evilly. 

Oh, come on! This is what people in powerful positions on the show do. That’s how they secure allies without, you know, marrying their allies. You want someone’s loyalty, do something for them. Dany’s not the first one to try that. And it’s not like she had Drogon Dracarys the hell out of one of Gendry’s enemies to secure that loyalty. She made him a damn Lord. 

The Starks are annoying me this season. Except when Arya laid the smacketh down on Ol’ Nighty. 

In another corner, Jaime and Brienne are celebrating by gettin’ crunk. She offers a halfassed excuse but Jaime’s all “Dude, we defeated a horde of zombies. Drink up!” and she does, giving him this look:

Bow chicka wowowwwwwwwwwwwwww chicka chicka boom.

Not that I can blame her. Aside from all that incestin’, Jaime’s a fine slice of Kingslayer pie.

Ser Davos of House Onion and Tyrion are talking about Melisandre, who last episode took off her necklace and aged into evaporation. Davos tells Tyrion that he swore to Melisandre he would kill her next time he saw her but he never got the chance, as she did it to herself. Or the Lord of Light took her. Or whatever. They don’t like him much. They fight his war and then he fucks off. 

Tyrion crosses the room to BranBot, who is reading in his wheelchair, which Tyrion calls a clever invention. I keep forgetting that wheelchairs aren’t really a thing in Westeros. 

BranBot, as animated as he’s programmed to be, delights in telling Tyrion that it is reminiscent of the one Daeron Targaryen made for his nephew over a hundred years ago. Just your regular episodic reminder that BranBot is...BranBot. 

Tyrion says BranBot’s BranVision will come in handy as the Lord of Winterfell, which he technically is as Ned Stark’s last surviving “trueborn” son. But BranBot doesn’t want it. BranBot doesn’t really want anything or anyone. He totally just doesn’t care, man.

Tyrion envies BranBot’s ability to not give a shit and and BranBot tells him not to because--

Yes, yes. You’re an “old soul”, BranBot. BranBot calls himself a grandpa in a teenager’s body. He forgets what generation he is and refers to people his own age as “you youngins”. He constantly crows that he is a “proud introvert” who’d rather be reading. We KNOW, BranBot!

Tormund leads a toast (with his awesome tusk cup) to the Dragon Queen and everyone cheers so maybe Dany’s making headway. She herself turns her own toast to Arya, the hero of the Battle of Winterfell. 

Jaime, Brienne, Tyrion, and Pod are playing a Westerosi version of Never Have I Ever with wine and Tormund, a bit drunk off his red ass, is going on and on about how awesome Jon is. Meanwhile, Dany is listening and though she toasts him she knows that she will always be an outsider to these people and they fucking love Jon.

Also, this happened:

“May I have your name?”

“Daenerys Stormborn, the Unburnt, Queen of Meereen, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Mother of Dragons.”

“Okay, that’s Daniellris Shoehorn, the Sunburnt, Keen of Mean Girls, Bean of the Sandals and the Thirsty Hen, Call Sweetie of the Eight Assed Bee, Brother of Wagons. Is that correct?”

“Ugh. Just write Dany.”

“Okay, Fannie.”

The PTB at HBO have since digitally removed The Cup from the episode but wah bro I think they should have kept it in. That’s hilarious. I want to live in a world where Starbucks exists on Game of Thrones. And it survived the battle. Of course House Styrbycks is right around the corner from Winterfell, conveniently situated at the heart of the town square. 

And you better believe there’s a ride-thru for the horseman on the go.

I enjoy how HBO came out with a statement that Dany ordered herbal tea. I can see Dany ordering herbal tea.

In warmer climes, though, she’s definitely a dragon fruit smoothie girl.

Aside: Liam Cunningham recently went on Conan and gifted him The Cup:

He swore it was the actual cup. How is that even possible?! Wouldn’t someone have tossed it after all this time? And the fact that it was still around had to signal to someone on set that a) trolol a person in Consistency fucked up and at least one dude on GoT knew it before the ep aired and b) that Emilia’s discarded latte appearing in a scene would be gold. 

I want to believe it’s legit. I want to believe so hard that it’s the real Cup and that all these circumstances came together to land the Cup in Liam’s hand all this time later. I want to, and so I shall.

(Yes, I know it is not the real Cup but shh I want to BELIEVE!)

So, Dany is watching everyone have fun and be close with each other, especially how everyone seems to love Jon here, and she’s feeling even more like an outsider (and not a bit insecure about her claim to the throne) and she gets up and leaves. Varys starts to follow her with his watchful Varys eyes.

Jaime, Brienne, Podrick, and Tyrion are still playing their game and getting increasingly drunker doing so. Drunker and more giggly. Everything’s all well and good until Tyrion suddenly sits up, looks Brienne in the eye, and accuses her of being a--dun dun dun--virgin. Pod nonchalantly sips his wine.

Brienne clambers out of her seat and mutters that she has to piss. Tormund, also drunk as a skunk, stumbles to their table, celebrating, and asks--

Well? Who did shit in Tormund’s pants?!

It’s kinda awks because Tormund is into Brienne but Brienne has feelings for Jaime and when did GoT become a teen soap opera? It’s like The North 00000 up in here.

Tyrion pours more wine into Tormund’s tusk as Jaime follows Brienne out.

Dramz. Will they? Won’t they? Stay tuned next week!

No, they totally will right now. 

But first, Tormund is going to bitch.

I was cheering for Tormund to win his Big Woman, I really was. But then Jaime showed up and their chemistry just...reignited. 

Tormund expresses sadness until a Northern lady volunteers to take up his time. The Hound continues to drown his sorrows--tho idk what he’s sad about, he’s alive--ignoring even the prospect of sexytimes until Sansa, finally able to make eye contact with the Hound, shares his table. It was a long time ago when she couldn’t even look at him, back when she was just a little bird. But now she’s a dark phoenix (see what I did there? Because Sophie Turner is starring in Dark Phoenix!) risen from the ashes, having had her revenge against her latest torturer/husband, Ramsay Bolton via his own hounds.

None of if would’ve happened if Sansa had left K.L. with the Hound way back when. But Sansa gently squeezes his hand and says that without Ramsay, Littlefinger, and all those assholes, she’d still be that same naive little bird.

Anyone else get the vibe that David and D.B. are kinda...trying to justify what Ramsay did to Sansa here? Just an itty bit? All that’s missing is Sansa belting out Christina Aguilera’s “Fighter”. 

Outside, Arya is practicing her archery skillz when Gendry, the new Lord of Storm’s End, is imbued with way too much enthusiasm after being dubbed by Dany and legit blurts out a proposal to his one night stand right then and there.

Ugh. I can’t wait until my shitty copy of Phhotoshop arrives. Until then I have to use paint shop. Look at those corners! They are making me itch.

Anyway, Arya obvs rejects Gendry’s proposal and it’s d’awww. Gendry is like that guy you hook up with once because he’s hot and afterwards, he won’t stop calling you and texting you and trying to add you as a Facebook friend and messaging you on Twitter suggesting that you fly to Michigan to meet his parents for Thanksgiving. This is something I know nothing about.

Ah, now we’ve circled back to the Jaime and Brienne Show!

That’s if he’s not still obsessed with his siiiiiiiiissssterrrr (she’s a psycho!)

Brienne’s throwing more wood onto yet another hearth (there are a lot of hearths in Winterfell) when Jaime knocks on her door and unceremoniously proclaims that she did not drink when Tyrion accused her of being a V to the gin. He pours her some Dornish red and mutters about it being hot in here; Brienne has learned in the North to always keep a fire going. Jaime has learned in the North that he hates the fucking North. Brienne counters that it grew on her.

Jaime wonders if Tormund Giantsbane also grew on her. He seemed quite sad when she left.

He wants the V-card and the V.

Jaime chuckles awkwardly and begins to pull at the collar of his shirt because “it’s bloody hot in here”. Brienne watches him warily for a second until she gets annoyed and unties the garment herself.

You see where this is going.

First time for Jaime, too. He’s never slept with a knight before.

Has he ever slept with anyone who isn’t his sister before?

Shows how much he cares about Brienne. Letting someone in who isn’t Cersei. That’s a good, non-incestuous step forward, Jaime.

It’s a big moment for Brienne, too, aside from the obvious. She’s had a thing for Jaime for years. This is like that guy you’ve been secretly pining for suddenly realizing he’s totally into it.

In the next scene, Dany confronts a “slightly drunk” Jon, who did not know Ser Jorah very well, but he is pretty sure that if he would’ve chosen a way to die, it would have been protecting Dany. Dany knows Jorah loved her, but she couldn’t love him back--not the way he deserved, not the way she loves Jon.

They kiss and it’s like before Jon ever found out he’s also Aegon until--

“Does Westeros have any support groups for this? Maybe I should ask Ser Jaime.”

Jon wishes that Dany had never told them that they were related and I’m sitting here like--

He would’ve figured it out sooner or later, right? I mean, if he knew he was half Targaryen and all and Rhaegar was his daddy. I understand math is hard but...

Dany tries to forget and sometimes almost succeeds until tonight when she saw all those people gathered around him, looking at him like I’m The Hero! People have looked at her like that before, lots of people, but not here, not on this side of the Narrow Sea. She begs him not to tell anyone of his Targaryen lineage, to swear Samwell and BranBot to secrecy, so that things could go back to how they were before between them. 

But Jon must tell Sansa and Arya because family and nobility and Starkism and all that. And we all know Sansa no likey Dany, despite the fact that HER ARMIES SAVED YOUR NORTHERN ASS.

She begs him some more and he promises that she is his Queen and they can all live together. And they can, if Jon keeps his trap shut.

In Brienne’s quarters, if the animal pelts are a rockin’, don’t come a-knockin’!

Warm enough in there now, Brienne? 

In the War Room--damn, don’t we all aspire to have a War Room?--our favorites are gathered around the Great Table or whatever with a map of Westeros in the center and some old timey Checkers pieces standing in for the two sides’ respective armies. Obvs, the Battle of Winterfell has depleted Dany and Jon’s forces greatly, but they still have enough to wage hell on Cersei. Yara has taken back the Iron Islands in her name, and the Prince of Dorne pledges his support. Still, Cersei has the Golden Company led by Guyliner Greyjoy and the Lannister Army fresh and ready to fight. 

Dany is not appeased. No matter how many noble people declare their fealty to her, while Cersei still sits on the Iron Throne, she can still call herself Queen of the Seven Kingdoms.

Jon, Tyrion, and Varys reassure her with talk of dragons and the people of K.L. having rebelled against their King before. Sansa adds that she wants to give the armies time to recuperate, which is also--

--since they just fought Team Undead and all. But Dany wants to hit up K.L. NOW NOW NOW because the longer they wait, the stronger her enemies become. Or something.

Someone’s starting to lean a wee too far into her Targ roots. It’s just common sense, Dany. Take a chill pill.

But Jon sticks up for his GF. Very sternly, he swears the North will honor its commitments and allegiance to the Queen of the Seven Kingdoms and blah blah blah. 

Dany appears smug.

Silently, Arya and Sansa trade glances like--

Tyrion narrates that Jon will lead the remaining forces up the Kingsroad while a smaller group of them will take a fleet to Dragonstone while the Queen will follow on...dragonback.

Jaime will remain at Winterfell as a guest. 

The camera ticks to Brienne’s expression at the mention of her former crush and new lovah’s name:

She’s trying to outwardly remain passive, but inside--

She’s getting laid and she’s not dead. Those are good times in Westeros.

Dany completes the conference and Arya demands a word with Jon. Outside, Jon is like “We’d all be DEAD if not for her” which is again DUH and Sansa snides “Arya’s the one that killed the Night King”. Arya wouldn’t have had the chance to kill the Night King without Dany’s armies because they’d all be DEAD. Seven Hells, you people are ridiculous. “We don’t trust her, ShE’s nOt OnE oF Us.” That is an absurd reason not to trust someone. I’m from New Jersey. It’d be like me about to be murdered and refusing help from someone because they’re from Florida. Don’t trust her because of her personality not because of where she is from.

And then, like a naive idiot, Jon actually thinks because he swore them to secrecy, Sansa and Arya will for sure totally keep his true lineage behind zipped lips.

This here was one of the scenes that made me roll my eyes so hard, they almost got stuck.

From that, thankfully, GoT moves on to one of my favorite scenes of the episode. Jaime and Tyrion sitting there over drinks gossiping like yentas. Jaime’s giving his younger brother all the deets vis-a-vis his liaison with Brienne. When Tyrion doesn’t say anything snide, Jaime is visibly uncomfortable, and Tyrion claims he’s happy Jaime is happy. 

And--

Tyrion has been waiting for ages to make tall person jokes.

He also wants to know what she’s like “down there”. Jaime calls him a dog.

But then Bronn shows up, finally after Creepy Qyburn hired him to kill Cersei’s “traitorous brothers”, a bit drunk off his ass, brandishing that crossbow. After he smacks Tyrion in the nose, he tells them that Cersei offered him Riverrun, but he knows the Queen is fucked after seeing Dany’s dragons, even with their depleted forces. And Cersei can’t pay up if she’s dead, so...

So Tyrion counters the offer. Highgarden for Riverrun. Bronn would be made Lord of the Reach. It’s certainly open now that House Tyrell has been decimated (RIP Olenna, you ultimate badass). Jaime blanches. How could Tyrion just give him Highgarden? Well hell, it’s better than being dead. 

Jaime doesn’t think Bronn will seriously kill them. Jaime is wrong.

Jaime scoffs Highgarden will never belong to a cuttrhoat but Bronn laughs pish-posh. Isn’t that how all the great Houses started? Kill a few hundred, they make you a Lord. Kill a few thousand, they make you a King?

Tyrion gives Bronn-y his word he’l give him Highgarden as long as they take King’s Landing. Bronn opts out of leading the fight, but wishes the brothers luck with a casual “Don’t die”.

The Hound yells “FFS!” when he meets up with Arya on the Kingsroad. Yep, they’re both goin’ Kings Landing way. Nope, Arya doesn’t really care to hang around, even if she is the hero after knifing that horned fucker. Yes, she probably will abandon the Hound again if he gets hurt.

They both have “unfinished business”. Arya to scratch Cersei off her infamous Kill List. The Hound, presumably, to finally fulfill our fantasy of Clegane Bowl!

Elsewhere, Dany is getting ready to leave the fucking frozen North, petting her dragons. And on this show, that is not a euphemism. One of them, presumably Rhaegal, takes flight.

While Drogon remains with her, that mama’s boy.

On the bridge, Sansa is watching Drogon and Rhaegal lift off, trying to shoot them down with her eyes.

Before he leaves, Tyrion tries to convince her one more time that Daenerys is it, or at least a way better option than Cersei, and he believes in her, her people love her, Jon loves her, etc, and he’d totes appreciate it if they were at least allies, and he turns to leave as the camera pans close on Sansa’s face; she calls him back to spilleth the beans..eth.

Did I win?

As Jon is loading up his Horshon Wagon, Tormund jokes that he’s not riding the dragon down south. Jon laughs that Rhaegal needs a break; he doesn’t need Jon weighing him down.

Tormund says that he has had enough of “the south” and plans to take the Free Folk back Beyond the Not Wall through Castle Black. It’s not home, not where they belong. Or, suddenly, where Ghost belongs either after EIGHT YEARS.

Yeah, this is where I RAGE.

Jon insists the North is no place for a direwolf and asks Tormund to take Ghost with him back Beyond the Not Wall, where he knows no one, will be lonely, and have to contend with even colder weather than what he’s used to. Tormund tells Jon that he has the “real” North running through his veins and “maybe” they’ll meet again before he departs and Jon goes to HUG EVERYONE. 

ALMOST.

RAGE! RAGE AGAINST THE JONCHINE!

I know, I know working with the CGI wolves is ExPeNsIvE, blah blah. I DON’T CARE. There are dragons that spit actual fire on this show. Y’all couldn’t substitute a real big, white, fluffy doggie so Jon could bid his furry friend a real goodbye?! This was the saddest scene in GoT history. Forget Ned’s beheading or even the Red Wedding. This right here is inhuman.

The episode’s director, David Nutter, tried to defend himself, weakly, by insisting he thought this way was more powerful. He obviously does not own dogs. Or any pets of any kind. He did not anticipate how much we all love our furry friends. As soon as the episode aired, Twitter lit up with #GhostDeservedBetter. Poor Ghostie. He lost an ear for you! You’re leaving forever. I snuggle my dogs when I just leave to go to the bathroom. I shall honor Ghost here, First of His Name, Protector of the Realms of Men, the One Eared and the White Furred, Warden of the North. Or at least Warden of the Woof. 

I had to watch this portion a few times to get the right screenshots so now I must go snuggle my own doggies. And tell them they are my own little direwoofies and I will never ever leave them. Especially for King’s Landing.

Jon “I’m the worst Wolf Daddy in Westeros” Snow rides off and Sam, Gilly, Tormund, and Ghost watch him go, even after his owner slighted him, because he is the goodest boi on the continent.

On the way to Dragonstone, Tyrion has immediately spilled to Varys because let’s be honest: Jon’s true parentage was always going to stay a secret for about, meh, an hour? And now eight people know--Jon, Dany, Sansa, Arya, Tyrion, Varys, Sam, and BranBot. Which makes it less a secret and more info. If the internetz had existed back then, the whole of Twitter would’ve known within fifteen minutes. #JongonSnowgaryen would trend worldwide. Westeroswide? 

I need to start following The_Mastr. 

People like Jon. They follow Jon (even tho he’s a terrible pet owner). If this were to get out, Dany would lose the North--Winterfell and the Vale. Sansa would see to that. 

Tyrion suggests marrying them and they could rule together. They love each other, but Varys ain’t so sure Jon could ever see beyond that whole “she’s his aunt” thing. And Dany doesn’t like to have her authority questioned. Then Tyrion cheerfully suggests that Cersei could end up killing them all anyway and that would solve their problems.

And then Guyliner Greyjoy comes out of nowhere and motherfucking shoots down Rhaegal!

I literally gasped “NOOOOOOOOO!” out loud when this happened. My animal-loving heart can only take so much, Game of Thrones. There’s a fan theory that technically we didn’t see Rhaegal die and two somethings appeared in the sky in the trailer for the next episode so he could come back with a vengeance. Please come back with a vengeance, Rhaegal. 

Dany is furious that Captain Maybelline shot her baby and orders Drogon to make a beeline for him. But afraid for her other baby’s life, she turns at the last minute. Euron, annoyed that he only took down one dragon, instead aims for the boat carrying Team Daenerys, which explodes under the force of multiple scorpion arrows. 

All of them swim to shore--all of them, except one. Just before the arrows flew, Grey Worm ordered Missandei to seek refuge on the skiff, and, when we shift to the castle gates, we see Cersei presiding over thousands of innocents who will be caught in the crossfire of war between her and Dany, her child (which she tells Captain Maybellne is his), and a captured Missandei.

In the War Room at Dragonstone--every Great House has a War Room, it seems--our merry band is presiding over a map of King’s Landing where Varys looks Dany in the eye and begs her not to attack the castle. They have Missandei, they killed Rhaegal, yes, but thousands of innocents are held inside the Red Keep, which is Cersei’s modus operandi. Varys pleads with her not to destroy the city she came to save but Dany believes she has a destiny to rid the world of tyrants, and she will fulfill it, no matter the cost.

That sounds vaguely culty, Dany. It wasn’t that long ago you were doing all you could to avoid a battle inside King’s Landing, cus you didn’t wanna destroy the city and the people you were gonna rule over. What happened? Don’t go all Aerys on us.

Tyrion suggests offering Cersei her life in exchange for the throne to avoid carnage. Dany knows Cersei will never go for it, but it’s good for PR, anyway. The people will know that Daenerys Stormborn tried to avoid bloodshed, and Cersei Lannister refused.

Take it back a few, Dany. Just a few, mkay?

At the hearth--there is always a hearth chat going on, and Dragonstone is no exception--Tyrion and Varys are having A Talk. Varys has served many tyrants, and they all talk about destiny and stuff. But, Tyrion negates, Dany has walked through fire and made dragons and lived, maybe she really is destined to rule the Seven Kingdoms. 

Varys considers How To Solve A Problem Like Jon Snow. Who may not be a problem so much as a solution. Who would make a better ruler, Jon or Dany? Varys knows Jon doesn’t wanna rule, which is partly why he bent the knee, but maybe a good ruler would be someone who doesn’t want to rule at all.

And Jon’s a dude, which, in ye olden times, was important. Also why he’s got a tighter claim to the throne than Dany does. They’re talking treason right now. Tyrion accuses Varys of abandoning all of the kings he served under. Varys reaffirms that he will always serve what’s best for the realm and the people, thousands of whom will die if the wrong person sits on the throne. 

Tyrion asks what happens to Dany and Varys gives him a look like “What do you think?” 

At Winterfell, the Northerners are rebuilding while Sansa and Brienne are being all secret-like, talking in whispers and glancing at Jaime. He follows them, having the creeping sensation that they’re talking about something that pertains to him. When he asks what’s up, Brienne tells him that they just got word of Guyliner Greyjoy’s ambush on Dany’s ships, Rhaegal’s death, and Missandei’s capture. 

And another for Jaime Reacting to Bad News screenshots:

BUT what exactly is he reacting to? That Cersei is going to die or that he isn’t going to do it himself?

That night, Jaime is watching Brienne sleep, then creeps outside to pack up his mighty steed to head back to the capital. Too bad Brienne wakes up and catches him. The city is going to be destroyed, they all know this. And Jaime doesn’t have to die alongside Cersei.

Jaime doesn’t think he’s a good man. He pushed a boy out of a window and crippled him for life (which led to him becoming BranBot) for Cersei. He strangled his cousin to get back to Cersei. He would’ve killed every man, woman, and child in Riverrun to get back to Cersei. She’s a monster. And so is Jaime.

And then he leaves and Brienne is heartsick and her POOR FACE. 

THIS EPISODE IS KILLING ME.

But--and I know a lot of other people think this, too--after I wrung my hands a bit, I thought about this moment. I think Jaime’s going back to K.L. to off Cersei himself, leaving Brienne to believe he left because he thinks he doesn’t deserve her. It still SUCKS but it’s less sucky than thinking he’d rather have his twin sister’s V. 

In said capital, the remaining Unsullied and Dothraki forces, along with Dany and her merry men, are lined up outside the gates. Cersei, Pirate von D, and Cersei’s ever lurking zombie Mountain are on the battlements with a chained Missandei. The camera sweeps to show both sides and when did King’s Landing get so FLAT?

Isn’t King’s Landing supposed to be all lush and hilly? What has Cersei done to the place?! This is Dubrovnik, ffs!

Creepy Qyburn comes out of the gates and Tyrion goes to meet him, Hand to Hand. Queen Daenerys demands Cersei’s unconditional surrender and the return of Missandei, unharmed. Queen Cersei demands Daenerys’ unconditional surrender. It’s a stalemate and they’re not getting anywhere so Tyrion tries to appeal to Creepy Qyburn’s logic. They have a chance to prevent bloodshed. To not cause the screams of thousands of children as hellfire is rained down upon them. It’s not a pleasant sound, Qyburn agrees. Alas, he still goes on about Cersei being the one true Queen so Tyrion pushes past him to speak to his sister himself.

Meanwhile, the rest of us are all--

Dany also thinks this is not a good idea.

Some of the Lannister army up on the battlements with Cersei and Co get their bows and arrows ready but as Tyrion approaches, Cersei waves them off with a smug smile. Calling up to her, Tyrion says he knows Cersei doesn’t care about the people of the Seven Kingdoms; they hate her and the feeling’s mutual. 

He mentions her children, her unborn child. How she loved them more than life itself. And just because her reign is over doesn’t mean her life has to end, her her child has to die. 

Just for a moment, one moment, it appears as if his words are getting to her. Cersei takes a deep breath, lets it out shakily. Lena’s acting in this instance is superb. And then, she crosses to Missandei as Dany and Grey Worm race toward the gate in alarm, and murmurs “If you have any last words, now is the time”.

Missandei’s last word?

With her last word, Missandei is telling Dany to fuck it all and burn King’s Landing to the ground.

Cersei gives zombie Mountain the nod to take off Missandei’s head, and poor Grey Worm can’t watch as the undead monster kills his girlfriend.

Dany shakes, turns, and walks away as Cersei smiles triumphantly.

The Mother of Dragons is so done fucking around, y’all.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh this episode was a ride. I wanted to wring SO many necks. Jon Snow, how does it feel to be the villain of the internet? Jaime, you best be headin’ back to K.L. to kill Cersei. Don’t you be breaking Brienne’s heart for nothing. Burn it all down, Dany! #Cleganebowl!

I am EXCITE for the penultimate ep. So EXCITE!

[rcsethcrna]

🔥

IT’S TIME FOR MEM’S OPINION |  @iilvecchio

there could never have been a tyrell-baratheon-stark alliance 

so this one is gonna be a little bit of a self-burn (since i’ve definitely had threads/plotlines regarding this exact scenario) but a tyrell-baratheon-stark alliance–as cool as it may have been–was never realistically an option. 

first and foremost of the obstacles to such an alliance is the cultural divide between the N\north and the rest of the the even kingdoms. the majority of the northmen descend from the first men and worship the old gods. the same was true of the south for much of history until the andal invasion and the integration of the faith into the culture of the kingdoms below the neck. we saw much of this divide within robb stark’s own ranks. though they fought together under the stark banner, their differing cultures caused no end of problems. such issues would have been heightened if they sought an alliance with the reach and the stormlands. there would be mistrust and suspicion enough on both sides to impede any real progress.

second, renly’s ambitions–and that of the tyrells–were not in any way congruent with robb’s. yes, they both wanted joffrey off the throne and the lannisters stripped of their power, but their reasons for doing so were entirely different. robb and the northmen sought revenge for ned’s death and independence for the north. renly and his supporters saw a chance to seize power, to enrich themselves and strengthen what positions and influence they already held. (we can’t forget that not that many of the tyrells–namely olenna–and their bannerman probably did not think renly’s campaign wise but they had little choice in it once mace announced his support; but that’s another post entirely.) plus, renly would never have accepted northern independence, as doing such would weaken him in the eyes of the lords who followed him. he could not be king of the seven kingdoms if he had allowed three of them to secede. that much, he and stannis both agreed upon–and were probably right to do so, in light of their precarious positions.

lastly, even renly’s death would not have sent the tyrells running to robb stark. with the king they’d propped up dead, they were left in a very dangerous position: that of a noble family who had reached beyond their limits for power they had no right to themselves. had they decided to side with the starks and the tullys, their bannermen would have risen up against them or abandoned them outright. some did in fact, going over to stannis before the blackwater, but the exodus would have been devastating had they accepted a northern alliance. even if they had and managed to keep the support of their bannermen, what would have been the ultimate goal? they could not claim the throne themselves, as the rose & the dragon had never interbred and they could not claim even a drop of targaryen blood. nor could they attempt to seat robb stark or his heir upon the iron throne. the southron houses would never accept a northerner as their king. (we saw how mistrustful the council of regents and other politicians were of cregan stark when he was named hand in aegon iii’s minority)

idk if this is really an unpopular opinion but i see theories about the success of such an alliance, especially in light of a quote from catelyn ii in asos: “if you had to fall into a woman’s arms, my son, why couldn’t they have been margaery tyrell’s? the wealth and power of highgarden could have made all the difference in the fighting yet to come. and perhaps grey wind would have liked the smell of her as well.” catelyn’s words were little more than wishful thinking and i have a hard time accepting that even she believed that an agreement between the starks and the tyrells was really possible 

[zaldrizer-sovesi]

first response to The Queen’s Justice

The Queen’s Justice really nailed one of the major reasons I am so invested in Jon.

(This is mostly about Jon but a little bit more about me than I’m totally comfortable with? Oh well.)

I talk a lot about the stigma of Jon’s bastard status and about the ways this secret that he has but doesn’t know has shaped his life and character. And I think those things are abstractly interesting, but they also kind of hit me where I live. I am neuroatypical, which is a very different kind of invisible difference from Jon’s. It’s just a thing, you know? It’s not good or bad in and of itself. What was a bad thing was that I went for most of my life without any kind of diagnosis, and only got a useful diagnosis in the last couple of years. So for most of my life I had these daily experiences that I now recognize as systemic ableism – but which at the time I could only understand as my fault.

Being set apart in a way that you don’t get to understand or acknowledge, even to yourself...it messes with your head. It’s infuriating. It makes you feel crazy. It’s like living with a small carbon monoxide leak: not enough gas to kill you, not a big enough hole you would see, just enough to make you dizzy, to make you depressed, to make you forget. You don’t learn the same confidence other people have in their understanding of the world.

It’s hard to articulate because it’s such a schematic, first principle kind of thing. What I mean is the pattern in the character’s opinions and decisions. Jon can get past everything he’s been taught about the wildlings to form an alliance with them because he’s not as attached to everything he’s been taught. He can realize that Sam is brave even though it’s the last thing that Sam would think about himself. He can give Arya Needle because he hasn’t fundamentally internalized the widely-accepted social norm that a girl shouldn’t have a sword, and because he doesn’t get what an unnerving thing it is for a kid Arya’s age to have a real sword. But that default insecurity makes it harder for him to tell when he’s really not safe.

Humans are adaptive creatures. Not always efficiently adaptive, but adaptive. That ability not to take norms and expectations for granted, the willingness to question what he’s been told about people or even what people say about themselves is kind of a spidey sense you develop when everything….just seems off, even when it’s clearly happening. That’s a big part of why he’s able to come to grips with the approaching white walker threat, even as the people around him get stuck in various degrees of denial.

Hence the main thrust of ADWD + S5/6/7:

JON: People. Winter is coming.

PEOPLE: Yeah, great metaphor, we get it.

JON: No, for real, winter is LITERALLY FUCKING COMING.

PEOPLE: Mm-hmm. Hey, are you doing something new with your hair?

JON: Seriously! Focus!

PEOPLE: I like it, it’s cute.

It’s infuriating to argue with someone who won’t get it (whatever “it” is). But it’s also profoundly disorienting to have what seems like an opportunity to convince someone.

That might seem all over the place. The Queen’s Justice struck a nerve because it isn’t.

In this episode, Jon is further away from the the immediate issue he’s so sure about. Dragonstone is farther south than he’s ever been; it’s sunny and comparatively warm and a totally new environment; he’s surrounded by people who actually don’t know the story, rather than people who have heard but aren’t grappling with it. He’s also closer to the central mystery of his identity about which he really does know nothing, that glitch in the Matrix which shaped him into a person who would take on this mission. I mean!

It literally went right over his head!

MISSANDEI: You stand in the presence of Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, Rightful Heir to the Iron Throne, Rightful Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Protector of the Seven Kingdoms, the Mother of Dragons, the Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, the Unburnt, the Breaker of Chains.

DAVOS: This is Jon Snow. [awkward pause] He’s King in the North.

Davos graciously tries to make the awkwardness about his own background, but Davos has been at court for years, he knows how Robert and Stannis were addressed. This is a reflection of Jon’s discomfort. It’s not like he’s hard to introduce formally: “Jon, the Second of his Name, Lord of Winterfell and King in the North.” Or if you wanted to get poetic, “Jon Snow, the White Wolf, King of Winter and Defender of the North.” I mean, better than that, just that it’s possible. But it’s hard to present yourself, to let yourself be known, when you are actually, justifiably, uncertain about who you are. Missandei, by sharp contrast, knows exactly who Daenerys is, because Daenerys knows exactly who Daenerys is.

DAENERYS: So many men have tried to kill me. I don’t remember all their names. I have been sold like a brood mare. I have been shamed and betrayed, raped and defiled. Do you know what kept me standing through all those years in exile? Faith. Not in any gods. Not in myths and legends. In myself. In Daenerys Targaryen.

DAVOS: He’s the first to make allies of wildlings and Northmen. He was named Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch. He was named King in the North. Not because of his birthright. He has no birthright, he’s a damn bastard. All those hard sons of bitches chose him as their leader because they believe in him. All those things you don’t believe in? He faced those things for the good of his people, he fought those things for the good of his people, he risked his life for his people, he took a knife in the heart for his people! He gave up his own – [Jon shakes his head]

Daenerys speaks to her own experiences. Jon allows Davos to speak for him – and then, only to go so far.

It’s not as if his story is objectively less believable than hers. White walkers aren’t more magical than dragons. It’s just as weird to be the Unburnt as it is to be the De-Stabbed. They should both be dead af. Daenerys has enough faith in Daenerys that she expects other people to believe her too. Jon does not have that much trust in Jon, and he doesn’t even realize that he’s standing inside the reason why.

Part of the difference is Tyrion’s thing about what feel good to believe. Dany should have been killed, but instead she got dragons. Jon should still be dead, and all he got out of the experience is existential despair. Daenerys has a proactive ambition: she’s thinking about winning the Seven Kingdoms. Jon isn’t looking to win something, he just wants people to get to keep being people and not turn into zombies.

DANY: We all enjoy what we’re good at.

JON: I don’t.

When it comes to the politics, which are a means to an end rather than something he cares about, Jon gets how important it is for him to project strength. He doesn’t flinch at giving up his sword, he won’t kneel, he isn’t thrown by her selective presentation of history, she has to get off the throne and come down to speak on his level.

When it comes to the core issue, though, the thing he’s never expressed doubt about before? Which he’s firmly and unequivocally asserted in front of much larger and more hostile audiences?

JON: The army of the dead is on the march.

TYRION: The army of the dead.

JON: You don’t know me well, my lord, but do you think I’m a liar or a madman?

TYRION: No. I don’t think you are either of those things.

JON: It’s hard for me to fathom, it really is. If someone told me about the white walkers and the Night King... [trails off] You probably don’t believe me.

TYRION: I do, actually. I didn’t before.

JON: Grumpkins and snarks, you called it. Do you remember? You said it was all nonsense.

TYRION: It was nonsense. Everybody knew it. But then Mormont saw them, you saw them, and I trust the eyes of an honest man more than I trust what everybody knows.

JON: How do I convince people who don’t know me that an enemy they don’t believe in is coming to kill them all?

TYRION: Good question.

JON: I know it’s a good question. I’m looking for an answer.

DANY: I will allow you to mine the dragonglass and forge weapons from it. Any resources or men you need I will provide for you.

JON: Thank you. So you believe me then, about the Night King and the army of the dead?

DANY: You’d better get to work, Jon Snow.

Asking Tyrion to vouch for him is a reasonable part of the pitch to Dany and her advisers. But he stays on it, asking for private reassurance from Tyrion, trying to pin Dany down even after he gets what he wants from her.

You believe me, right? You don’t think I’m crazy, do you? I’m not crazy, right?

...ooof.