#as well so! anyway umm happy thursday. the latest tinder guy is comingo ver tomorrow and im about to puke. i asked the universe
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#hey guys checking in bc this is essentially my public journal <3#delete later#talk tag#dontrb#ok now that thats out of the way. a lot of this might be extremely tmi so probably#minors dni#as well so! anyway umm happy thursday. the latest tinder guy is comingo ver tomorrow and im about to puke. i asked the universe#on the way to work to give me a very clear sign if this is something i should not go thru with and she hasnt given me anything Yet but. the#days still young. 😬 idk it started off more like 'yeah im down' but of COURSE i have to overthnk EVERY GODDAMN THING. so now im doubting.#and like its not that big of a deal bc if i Make it a big deal ill put too many expectations on it. which i mean im already doing but. 😐#also the little worm in my brain thats like 'what if ur ace instead? huh did u ever settle on that?' like i wish i were dead actually#i wish i was medicated and sedated and didnt think this way and was fucking normal. like RELAX. its FINE.#also reallyyyy really wanna start the pirate show but i dont want watching it marked by this guy either so. i gotta wait until like next#week at the earliest 😐 i love gay ppl tho <3 happy we found something new also thank you mr waititi <33#ok i think thats it for now. idk feeling bad about myself and body but trying to zone out enough to not worry. ill get thru it.#itll be fine. ill check in again friday night/saturday morning LOL lowkey feeling like how when u have a presentation or smth and like#'a day from now itll be over' idk how to explain it but id always do that in school like 'by tmrw ill be done w this test/presentation/etc#nd i dont have to think ab it anymore' like a look into my future self i guess. idk im just saying shit now ok bye lve u have a good day <3#also happy tdov!!!!!!!!!!!!#edit hm ok so ive continue to overthink and like. im a very planned person like if my day isnt planned to the minute or something#messes w my routine its 50/50if illgo berserk (affectionate) or berserk (aggressive) and like. i genuinely have no way of telling#how its gon a go tmrw LOL anyway. idk really trying to just shut my brain off. also my rmts gone tonight so ill be alone :((((
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