#as well as just getting lost in the pandemic and everything changing

[wewontbesleeping]

hmm thinking about "i've got a hundred thrown out speeches i almost said to you" in the context not of writing letters addressed to the fire. but of wedding vows. and it's making me sad

[moonchild1]

jeon jungkook fic rec list (Ⅸ)

hi everyone wow it's really been a while and i'm on list 9 already damnnn that's alot and list 10 is like half way complete already... soooo you might notice a change in the set up this time around i liked how it looked on my ao3 list so i added it here as well, i absolutely love this list like i've gone over this list a million times it's filled with alot of fics i was absolutely obsessed with, you know how attached i get to the characters and this list holds quite a few of them too so i hope you enjoy reading them as much as i did and you fall for them too... remember to give lots of love to the authors of these fics they are absolute geniuses and deserve all the respect and love in this world for creating these beautiful fics and sharing it with us so be sure to give them a follow, like and reblog or even leave a little comment i'm 100% percent sure it would mean alot to them 🥺🖤 also as these fics contain smut no under minors allowed/interact... if you would like to share some of your favourites or just wanna ramble about fics you love send me an ask i love hearing from you guys and happy reading everyone till next time ✨🖤

a- angst s- smut f-fluff

series

dreamcatchers by @ggukcangetit f a

↬  DI Jeon didn’t need a new partner. Unfortunately, his superiors felt otherwise; especially considering the extremely high-profile murder that had just taken place in the port city. Recent transfer, DI Choi Yuri finds herself confronted with a new cityscape, unfamiliar people, a hostile partner, and a homicide that is certain to bring back unpleasant memories.  

block party by @minlucent f s a

↬ moving into your new apartment brings back memories of your biggest mistake. neighbours au e2l

a little bit of your heart by @yoongiofmine f s a ft. myg

↬ you had everything you could ever dream of; the career of your dreams as a music producer, the best friends you could ever wish for, and a exes-turned-friends-turned-fuck-buddies relationship with min yoongi. you knew you and yoongi would never move past that and you were okay with it. Until a friend from your past comes back into your life, offering to give you everything you deserve, everything yoongi couldn’t. Will jungkook show you what you’ve been missing? Or will the new guy threaten yoongi enough to do something about it? 

lost stars by @/yoongiofmine f s a

↬ Jungkook was lost. He didn’t know who he was anymore, so he decided to leave and find himself. But he wasn’t expecting to find you along the way, an island girl who has no idea who he is. Jungkook has a secret. But so do you. idol au s2l

secrets we keep by @/yoongiofmine f s a

↬ Being a camgirl was never your main goal in life, but when the pandemic hit and you lost your job, you were desperate. Now, two years later, the world is back to normal and  you are one of the top creators of OnlyChingu; the South Korean version of OnlyFans. A website where idols hide behind anonymous profiles in search of that connection they lost during lockdown. Jungkook was never into this type of stuff. Until he ran into you. He knows you’re his perfect girl, his ideal type. Will he be able to put his own insecurities aside when chasing you? Or will you let the secrets you keep ruin you? idol au

i hate you, i love you by @jungblue s a

↬ You hated him at seven, warmed up to him at twelve, and liked him at fifteen. Now the two of you are twenty years old and inseparable best friends… and you’re absolutely in love with him; he’s in love too—just not with you. 

fatal attraction by @jungcock s a ft. kth

↬ your dangerous ex-boyfriend comes back to haunt you in more ways than one. exes au serial killer thriller

pub golf by @taleasnewastime f s

↬ One night. One stupidly hot man, who just keeps appearing in every pub you go to. Six friends. Nine pubs. Nine drinks. Ten million stupid rules. Let the chaos begin. s2l

animal by @cutaepatootie f s a

↬ boxer jungkook au ANGST

things you don't know by @btsgotjams27 a

↬ It’s been seven years since you last saw the boy that broke your heart. After moving back home, you try everything you can to avoid seeing him around town, but destiny has a wicked way of doing the opposite.

entangled by @caelesjjk f s a ft. kth

↬ Jeon Jungkook is Spider-Man. He saved your life twice. But he’s also been your sweet lab partner in college for the past two years and now someone who is more than just a friend. You care about him…maybe even love him. But something tells you that you aren’t quite sure what love even is. How could you when you have feelings for someone else as well? Kim Taehyung is the handsome stranger you’ve seen around campus and somehow ended up dancing with at Club Onyx. You were upset that Jungkook had stood you up once again and Taehyung made you feel like you were on top of the world. What you didn’t know that night, is the dark secret Taehyung is trying desperately to hide, but the closer the two of you get the more difficult that becomes.

when the end comes by @oddinary4bts f s a

↬ Seven years after you've started dating Jungkook, long distance creates a wedge in your relationship. When the only solution seems to be breaking up, you go your separate ways even though love still lives in the two of you. Will you find a way back together, or has the end come for you and Jeon Jungkook?

new girl by @jjkeverlast f s a

↬ after finding out your boyfriend of 6 years cheated on you, you find yourself moving in with three guys in a loft. what could possibly go wrong?

horizon by @/sokooks f s a

↬ The way you approached life had started to break down Jungkook's emotional barriers. Jungkook couldn't deny that he was drawn to you in a way that was entirely new and unfamiliar. You had become more than just an assignment; you had become someone he genuinely cared about. It was the way you made him feel. With you, he felt more human than he had in a long time. Despite his best efforts to remain detached, his heart had other plans. angel au

searching for nirvana by @/sokooks f s a

↬ he shouldn't be here. he shouldn't be touching you the way he was- but he was here before him. he was your friend, not him. he knew your body, not him. he wanted to be the only one to touch you the way you liked. he he wanted you to remember that. despite the fact that he already had someone waiting for him. best friends au cheating au.

twelve hours by @whatifyoulivelikethat s a

↬ you have twelve hours to make jeon jungkook fall in love with you. he's about to get married. you're the entertainment at his bachelor party - a burlesque dancer. long ago, he used to be the class representative and you used to be the class delinquent. nothing has changed and, yet, everything has.

when it all... by @7deadlysinsfics f a

↬ what’s there to do when your husband says he thinks he doesn’t love you anymore? you pick up the broken pieces the best you can and try to move on

better than me ? by @/7deadlysinsfics f s a

↬ jungkook is clear on what you both are to each other. still, he doesn’t want you to think anyone else is better than him

our first and our last by @thedefinitionofbts f a ft ot7

↬ The first time you met Jeon Jungkook was on your tenth birthday. On that day, he was nothing more than the strange man who jumped into a dark portal that suddenly opened in the middle of the park. The ten year old you just stood in the grass, strands of hair ruffling from the calm breeze that swooped by; head slightly tilted, bright, innocent eyes wide open and staring at him with wonder and disbelief. There was a certain amount of confusion, but your young mind was too naïve to question his actions or what they entailed. soulmate au

dancer in the dark by @gwoongi f s a

↬ Money can’t buy you happiness. Jeongguk, for the longest time, thinks he’s happy. Truthfully, Jeongguk doesn’t know what happiness is until you find him. rockstar au

together by @httpjeon f s a ft.pjm

↬domestic!au, couple!au, stoner!au, gamer!au

hot bot by @/httpjeon f s

↬ purchasing a Hot Bot wasn’t exactly something you ever really planned on. when you do, however, it sends your life down a path of convoluted government schemes and dark secrets.

stardust by @iamtaekooked f

↬ You didn’t believe in soulmates until you lay your eyes on Jeon Jeongguk, the younger brother of your best friend’s husband. That is when you see the red string beginning encircled around your pinky and ending in his

serendipity by @rohobi f s a

↬ After you reveal your inexperienced sexual status to your best friend, Jungkook grapples with the news, startled by the idea that the girl he always thought could get anyone, is a virgin. After finding his porn at 3AM, you decide that maybe it’s about time to stain the white sheets of your world with the colors of a forbidden fruit Jungkook seems to have in the palm of his hands.

chasing shadows by @colormepurplex2 s a

↬ Your job gets you into trouble sometimes. Who would have thought crime journalism would put so many targets on your back? But, it’s happening again, someone’s threatening you. Only, this time, it’s not just you that’s in the crosshairs. Your best friend, Enola, is out on assignment and can’t help like she usually does. So, what does she do instead? She sends her brother, Jungkook, armed with a magic bag, a charming smile, and deductive reasoning skills that prove his worth as one of the best PI’s around.

I gasp once, and in that breath, I accept you in by @inkofyoonkoo f s a

↬ In which Jungkook arrives to your small town to spend the holidays, and you slowly let go of all the ghosts of your past. s2l fwb au

sweet nothing by @adonis-koo f s a

↬ Being a guest at the Jeon Estate after a mishap of being kidnapped and dragged into your brothers affairs isn’t all that bad. Truth be told it brings you a lot closer to the mobster and owner of the estate Jeon Jungkook himself. His two rules are simple, don’t cause trouble and don’t give him a hard time. Somehow you manage to constantly do both in the most endearing way despite being pregnant and waddling around most of the time.

three's a crowd by @/adonis-koo s a ft. jimin

↬ When your mom’s fairytale life begins to bleed over into your world you’re suddenly caught between two men and one big secret, what was supposed to be a relaxing trip soon begins to spiral out of control. All you wanted was a free vacation… ceo au

sleepwalking by @taexual f s a

↬ due to unfortunate circumstances, you ended up managing your ex-boyfriend’s band. you thought you’ve both made peace with it, but suddenly he’s very eager to prove to you that first love never dies.

empty space by @ahundredtimesover f s a

↬ It started as friendship, turned to a casual fuck, then ended in heartbreak. Turns out, he wasn’t who he said he was, and years later he enters your life again, forcing you to face all the emotions you’d been trying to bury. 

OR Officer Jeon looks really hot in his uniform and you wish you didn’t hate him as much as you do.

as the world burns around us by @today-we-will-survive a

↬ You haven’t seen the sun in two years. The Virus wiped out a good three quarters of the world’s population and then the wars that followed wiped out half of that. After everything happened, it was only a matter of time before the different countries started blaming each other and emptied their nuclear arsenals. You’re still surprised Seoul survived – if you can call what it has become “surviving”

hotter than hell by @chateautae f s a

↬ jungkook, lucifer and king of hell, has been cast out of the crimson underworld for a reason he’s unsure of. embarking on his journey for the answer should’ve been easy, if it weren’t for you, the human that nurses his wounded body in her home, and accidentally witnesses the truth of his identity. kickstarting a hellish adventure with the devil himself, you discover lucifer is the most infuriating company ever; and jungkook finds out that maybe his answer to returning home lies within his annoying human confidant.

to turn a bad thing good by @/chateautae f s a

↬ jungkook’s drunken one night stand goes awry when he comes to learn not only is he being forced into an arranged marriage, but it’s to the very girl he abandoned that night—and things get a lot more complicated when you’re the best hookup he’s ever had.

J’aime by @baepop f s a

↬ You’re the newest hire at a local café and head barista Jeon Jungkook takes you under his wing.

Written in the Stars by @/baepop f s a ft. kth

↬ You’re the girl of Jungkook’s dreams, literally. The only problem: you’re taken by his best friend

make me forget by @roseannekook f s a

↬ You are the lead vocalist and main dancer of your company’s first girl group, but on the fourth promotion of your debut song things don’t go as planned. At the brink of an uprising scandal, you seek refuge in the bathroom stalls…and find it in the arms of no one else but BTS’ golden maknae Jeon Jungkook.

one of your girls by @ggukiepie s a ft. pjm

↬ fwb au college au fuck boy au inspired by the song

boy in luv by @/ggukiepie f s a

↬ just two idiot best friends in l*ve college!au, bff!jk, athlete!jk, student council president oc, cheerleader!oc

the boy who left by @/gujoonim a

↬ As your eyes staring deeply into your possible client-to-be’s eyes, something crossed your mind, it was that pair of eyes that you were looking for when you being abandoned at the aisle on your wedding day. ceo au

love sewn by @jvnghxope s a

↬ You’ve never cared about the thin-as-paper walls of your beloved apartment until Jeon Jungkook moved next door. You could hear everything –from his late-night parties on Saturday, to the quality time he spent with his girlfriend in the intimacy of his bedroom. One day, everything ceases. Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months and you find yourself knocking his door before you can think it twice.

not yet by f s @bratkook f s a

↬ jungkook feels the pang of guilt in his gut when you spot your recent ex out with his new girl, and what better way to make the jerk hurt than to have him believe you were now dating him, the neighbor he had been insecure about your whole relationship.

one shot

blazes of deceit by @periminkle f a

↬ when the opportunity to finally venture past the stone walls you’ve grown up in presents itself, you jump at the chance to discover the origin of those mysterious lights—even if the trip comes with a harsh truth and a suspicious, yet undoubtedly attractive, tour guide. tangled au disney au

southpaw by @starshapedkookie f s a

↬ Knowing Jeon Jungkook for the better part of your life, you thought you knew everything about him. Well, that was before you two disappeared from each other’s lives at least. When Jungkook suddenly finds himself buying you a coffee to rekindle your friendship, it leads to much more than you bargained for.

house of cards by @jeonggukingdom s a

↬ What does safe mean when you are chased by zombies, when every corner you turn could be the last one for you? What do words like home and future mean when you’re always on the run and every moment could be your last? They mean nothing and everything at the same time and Jeongguk is all of the above. He is your safe haven, he is your home and he is your future. But things like that crumble easily in your world.

enouement by @littlemisskookie s a

↬ War is Hell, but it’s what you had to do to take your brother’s place. Of course, between the days of Hell are little slices of Heaven you’d call your Captain, Jeon Jungkook. mulan au disney au

miss taken by @junghelioseok f s

↬you pride yourself on being a professional, but sometimes your students' parents really test your patience. single parent dilfjk jk e2l

the ex text by @shadowkoo f s a

↬ The 2 AM texts have started again. It’s a bittersweet familiarity that you can’t run away from, and despite wishing to forget him: no one will ever measure up to the exceptional standard set by your ex, and you’ll never have anyone as good as him either. Like a permanent mark on your heart, Jungkook’s presence has become an insatiable craving, an addiction you'll never outgrow or cast aside.

the proposal by @hansolmates f s a

↬Jeon’s the editor-in-chief for Big Hit Publishings, a closet romantic with a penchant for antagonizing his assistant on the reg. When his work visa is in the process of being renewed and he takes a trip to Norway, his eligibility to stay in America is on the line. However Jeon Jungkook doesn’t go without a fight, and in order to save his job he offers you a proposal you can't refuse. based on the movie the proposal e2l

red and gold by @/thedefinitionofbts f s

↬It’s no secret that genius, billionaire, international playboy, and philanthropist- Jeon Jungkook, better known as the CEO of Jeon Industries-and even better known as Iron Man, is one of the most intelligent, wealthy, and powerful men in the world. There’s nothing that can get to him or his ego, that is, until you happen to show up and give him a run for his money. 

burning bright by @snackhobi s

↬there are no secrets in the drift. if jungkook were to see the mess inside your head and heart, laid utterly bare, he’d turn away from you. based on the movie pacific rim

but we loved young by @jl-micasea-fics s a

↬Jungkook is everything you’re not, the ying to your yang. Your tight knit friendship nurtured from childhood survived the major life events that most don’t, and to that end, you suppose you’re fated to be together, until unrequited longing is eventually noticed, and boundaries are forever crossed.

the shoulder on which you cry by @lemonjoonah f s a ft. knj

↬ after moving away from your hometown five years ago, you’ve struggled on every return. each trip back being made out of haste due to an unfortunate event in your life. namjoon has always been there to help you through those moments. but when he can’t be there to support you during your current trip home, jungkook offers to stay by your side and be the comfort you need. 

illusion of choice by @hobibliophile f s a

↬ You’ve grown up with the Jeons, Jungmin and Jungkook, for as long as you can remember, your parents being very close. But little did you know that this is because you are in fact arranged to be married to the Jeon heir, Jungmin. However, a tragedy causes Jungkook to take up his brother’s mantle, and that includes becoming your fiancé.

the blue princess and her red rose by @/cutaepatootie f s a

↬ After all, he was her red rose, while she was just another one of the many blue roses that grew in the dying gardens of Greyria. princess au

rigor mortis by @readyplayerhobi f s a

↬ A night out at a bar results in you going home with a young and attractive police officer. But if you think the night was something to remember, that’s nothing compared to waking up to find a zombie outbreak in the city. A chance encounter with Officer Jeon leads to him helping you escape from the plague infested city.

lowkey by @joonbird s

↬ Jungkook is the nude model for your art school’s life drawing class.

part-time lover by @sketchguk f s a

↬there is no crime more perfect than marrying jeon jeongguk. your relationship is nothing more than a ruse - while your friends pester you for being perpetually single, jeongguk desperately needs a wife to complete the pristine image of a family, fooling his way through the parent interview at the nation’s most prestigious private school. only time will tell how deep your lies will run as you find home in one another’s minds. because untangled in the moonlight, he is but a spy, exposing a secret world of corruption, and you, an assassin, ridding the streets of danger one hit at a time. 

sweet apple biscuits by @rosaetae a

↬ a story about someone who receives letters from themselves ten years in the future and asks them to fix all their regrets and save a particular boy. inspired by the anime 'orange'

i'll be home by @wwilloww f s a ft.knj

↬ When your first love, Jungkook, disappeared from your village five years ago, no one thought he would return, let alone on the night of your betrothal to another man. 

white lies by @noteguk f s a

↬ in which Jungkook lies his way out of and into trouble. But he can’t tell white lies when it comes to you. 

yes coach by @/taleanewastime s

↬ You play in a local netball team and as a new season starts you have a new coach. Enter Jungkook, he may look soft, but he turns out to be a hard taskmaster, one who ruffles your feathers when he makes some changes to the team. Tensions grow between you through the weeks, until they finally reach breaking point.

spf 50 by @gimmeyoon f s

 ↬ If you have to spend your summer home from college working a job you hate, it might as well include sitting by the pool with Jungkook. Now if only kids could stop vomiting in it.

fifth wish by @jiminrings f a

↬ jeon jungkook, world-class socialite and nepotism baby, should be out every night to celebrate while he’s at his prime. why should he fake-date his bodyguard instead? alternatively, jungkook regularly throws coins to wishing wells with only one desire in mind — to get rid of you.

blacklisted by @/httpjeon s a ft. kth

↬after departing from your dom, you’re assigned to two incredibly powerful men.

↬looking for other jjk fics or the other members check out my library

[comicaurora]

If YouTube shuts down in five years or if the channel stops doing well or if you just burn out or whatever, what’s your backup career? I feel like a lot of “content creators” become super specialized into doing content creation stuff

This question is interesting, because you've given voice to one of the anxieties it took me the longest to overcome.

My thesis on life is you can't live in any sort of healthy manner if you're constantly planning for the worst case scenario - what you would do if everything in your life suddenly changed. Like how you can't live comfortably anywhere if you've constantly planning for the next time you'll move out.

For me, that question takes the form "what if youtube suddenly exploded", but everyone has a scenario like that. In fact, everyone has an infinite number of scenarios like that.

What would I do for I living if I got sick or had an accident and could no longer meet the physical demands of my job?

What would I do if I had a breakdown and needed everything to stop?

What's my contingency plan for if my entire company exploded and I got laid off without warning?

What've I got lined up if a global pandemic shut down all in-person jobs?

What's my backup plan if I lost the sense I needed to create the art I specialize in?

What if my mind deteriorated and I could no longer engage with reality at all?

What if technological advancement replaced the need my job currently fills?

What'e my plan for if I lose someone I love and it breaks me?

What will I do if a natural disaster destroys my house?

Where will I live if a meteor hit the earth tomorrow?

The idea that "content creators" overspecialize ignores the fact that most people get very comfortable doing the thing they spend most of their time doing, and very rarely seriously plan for the scenario where their One Thing is ripped away from them and they have to find something else. The phenomenon of "person loses their job after years of work" is famous for being massively disruptive, and that isn't because everyone in the world is dumb or bad at planning ahead - it's because a disruption like that is a disruption, in the same way that an injury will always hurt. I don't think it's a failing for someone to live their life as it currently exists, just like it isn't a personal failing if someone experiences a catastrophic change and has to readjust. You can't solve a problem that doesn't exist yet, and if it does happen, it'll come with information and parameters that you'll need to actually deal with it rather than just worrying about it.

If youtube explodes, maybe I'd join our other youtube friends on another platform as we all worked to solve the same problem together. Maybe I'd be in a financial position where I wouldn't need an immediate fallback plan and could take uncomplicated time off. Maybe I'd pivot 100% to writing. Maybe I'd drop off the grid and live in the woods for a while. Maybe I'd get serious about pursuing voice acting or theater. Maybe a friend would recommend an opening at their normal person job. Since we're only pondering a hypothetical catastrophe, we can't predict any of the other factors that'd be in play that would actually determine how we'd handle it.

Most of us will experience many life-changing turning points, and in turn get to experience many different lives. I'm very much enjoying this one, but I'm not worried about what the next one might look like. Overplanning will spoil the adventure with needless anxiety - I'll just be excited to explore it whenever it comes.

[skyeslittlecorner]

Asmo's Selfie Reflections

First I'll have a little cry about the fact that there are no comics in the new cards. We've been robbed. Best part of the cards, along with the stories, is gone…

At least the prologue, with the presence of the kings and their right hands, was simply wonderful (Bael and his instant killing spree when he saw Beel <33)

I waited so long for Asmo that when he showed up it seemed unreal. He got everything. Most of my favorite physical features - checked. Glimmers of depth in behavior - checked. Being a dark and shady bitch - checked.

Plus, it's my personal thing, but seeing that nearly all my headcanons and assumptions for him matched reality made me squeal like a little girl.

Finally.

It doesn't surprise me at all that one of the the most powerful weapons of Hell is not so much physical, but mental force. Feelings that neither devils nor angels can resist. Love and desire have long been portrayed as some of the most powerful things, I have come across Greek motifs quite often, where the most powerful yet hidden gods were Eros or Aphrodite. As long as the spirit wants to fight, the body will follow, but without the spirit, what is left?

Especially since his order turns off your brain and tells you to follow, no matter how absurd it may be.

Asmo and his mind-fucks can help his own as well as his enemies. Especially since it seems that devils are quite traumatized after meeting him, and if they don't, they are locked up in Abbadon.

Although, it seems that he can control his abilities perfectly. He was able to blend in with the crowd and no one knew who he was.

Ahem I just have to stare at him every five seconds. My equivalent of breathing. And speaking of breathing…

*Grabs bottle of sanitizer and a mask* My dear, I know your (not)bathing routine and I still have pandemic supplies with me.

I love that the kings cover the entire spectrum of their specialties, especially the extremes. Satan is the avatar of anger, but he can keep his cool like no other when he needs to. Mammon is the avatar of greed, yet he is the most generous of demons. You get the idea. Same here, Asmo is both the lust and the love, the ultimate playboy and a loving husband.

And not only that, but complete lack of emotions and cold calculation too.

Oh yes, one of your sons is pretty famous, Vox Akuma as i heard. I really confused them when I saw Asmo for the first time-

Knowing how dark the rest of this is, I'm afraid of what you mean.

What follows is pure madness, and not really in a positive sense. Real madness and exhaustion. I had high hopes that he would take away any senses and twist in every direction, but he does it in such a beautiful way. And what's better, he loses himself too.

I only remember Satan, who at the end of Ch1 gave in to his anger so much that he almost killed Sitri and Ppyong. Asmo seems similar to me, completely lost in lust - only for a long time, without Mammon to calm him down, and without any scruples or limiting his power. If that's the case, then the devils of Abbadon must be damn strong. Crazy, but strong.

It's hard for me to describe anything after that, because it's hard for me to put six days into just a few words??? Literally. I have no idea how to describe it. I've read it a good few (a dozen) times and my brain turns off and goes into fangirl mode instead.

He seems as sweet as he is cold… which intrigues me even more, because so far he gives me the impression of a third party. He is not with the angels, and he is with the rest of the demons because it pays off for him.

At least one thing doesn't change.

Everyone loves to piss off Satan <3

I know that was a very polite analysis. That's not how I planned it, but just, just want to shove my phone into each of your hands and tell you to read it yourself because it's indescribable 😭

I already love this guy, and if he wants to sacrifice me in some twisted way, I'll even pour oil on myself to make the flames smell nice. Am I crazy? Yes. Am I ashamed? Absolutely not. Abbadon, here I come.

[mrsparrasblog]

Mission save the human race Pt1.

Pt2

2090 Days since it happened since your life changed completely. You can still remember the day of the outburst like it was yesterday. You were stuck performing an appendectomy on a five-year-old, and then there were shots – the military evacuating us. You didn't take it seriously at that time; thought it would be like every pandemic, and there would be a cure soon. But after weeks spent with your family in a military camp, you knew it was nothing like this. You remembered how the military shot women who even got near to a zombie – too much of a risk that they could get infected. The irony of the whole thing was that women were the carriers of this unknown virus, while men only turned when they got bitten. Women turned by a simple scratch of a zombie, or when they died of any cause, they would turn in a glimpse of a second into these brainless creatures.

After it went completely downhill and more healthy people got shot without any remorse, your dad, brother, and you tried to flee out of the military base, resulting in your dad and brother getting shot, screaming you should just take their gun and leave as fast as possible. You never felt more remorse than leaving their corpses behind, but you had more than enough years to mourn them and pray for forgiveness. On the way to a safe place, you noticed small details, weird details. You got scratched, even bitten on the way, expecting to fully turn into a brainless monster – but you didn't, and to this date, you didn't know why. Well, there wouldn't be a lab anymore to find out anyway, so you just accepted it as a blessing first. But after a while, you learned the true curse of living in this shithole.

The survivors were scarier than the zombies and almost as inhuman as them – while most didn't try to hurt you since a surgeon always could get handsy in a zombie apocalypse, you still saw the horrors of self-proclaimed "Leaders" who killed in the most inhumane way just to prove their dominance. They weren't better than animals. You saw how different groups tried to start wars with each other to win resources and territory. There was still enough place and enough resources in the world for both of them to survive, so it was just a power play. If you had had a say in this, you would have tried everything to start a civilization with many people trying to rebuild humanity with strong people as guards, people farming, and people working in the infirmary, but no one ever listened to you. Why should they, as the Apocalypse proceeded, the hatred of women got only worse – "The reason for the apocalypse," resulting in women getting used, tortured, and raped if they weren't useful in other ways, and you thanked every day your mother who practically forced you to study medicine instead of law.

After months, you finally had enough and ran away from the camp – not tolerating the inhumane ways. You wondered if you were the inhuman one for leaving people there who you could have healed if you had stayed, but sometimes you needed to be egoistical, and you at least tried to stay as innocent as possible through the apocalypse. You lost everything but not your good heart which made you incredibly proud of yourself.

You didn't know how you survived this. You didn't have a particular skill set; sure, you were a pediatric surgeon before all of this, you were capable, you were smart, which probably led you to survive. But you weren't something that was of use like a soldier or police officer. God, before this Apocalypse, you didn't even carry your groceries to your apartment. You were screwed but somehow you still survived, with your one handgun that you nicked off the corpse of your dead dad. The irony was you didn't even use it in three years; you never used your gun – god, did you even know how to use it? You highly doubted it.

You claimed yourself a small cottage in the forest. It wasn't much but pretty well-hidden, and you built-in safety measurements so no walker could surprise you by night. You lived in a shithole but at least in a comfortable manner. The house had three small bedrooms, a kitchen with a tiled stove, a fireplace, a water source, and enough space outside so you could grow all sorts of vegetables and fruits. Pumpkins, potatoes, cucumbers, tomatoes, strawberries, and raspberries highlight your perfect garden. You even had some apple and cherry trees you took great pride in. Before all started, you couldn't say you were good at gardening; even your cactus didn't survive the neglect you put them through – but you used all your remaining time learning about farming and providing for yourself, growing plants you can use as medication. In your imagination, you would somehow manage to have some chickens and cows, but you knew it would draw way too much attention, and you liked your hidden lifestyle way too much for this to happen. You were quite naive; you thought this would stay this way until-.

You heard sounds from your garden – nothing unusual since some local animals came and tried to steal a carrot or two, but then the sounds of multiple men echoed.

"Fuck."

They blundered in weird ways, talking about finding a safe place and raiding something. You ran upstairs, grabbed your handgun, and hid in the closet.

"Fuck, here isn't anything useful," a man with a hoarse voice and a British accent cursed all my cabins violently.

"Johnny, you will get through this; you won't die on me," a man said with a worried voice.

"He has a fucking bullet in his shoulder; how can he fucking survive this?" A bullet in his shoulder, probably not gone through. If it didn't hit anything major, his survival rate would be 80% in a normal world, depending on the material of the bullet; he could survive or die. If it's lead and stays inside his body, he will be dead in at least 4 days from lead poisoning. If the wound isn't properly cleaned – blood poisoning. If they take it out of him and don't properly sew him – death. This man hasn't a high chance of surviving. You could at least triple the chance of his survival, but if you get out there, you would probably lose the chance of survival by several digits. Your morale was high; you swore an oath to help every human you were capable of saving, but was it worth more than your own life?

"Shut the fuck up," the worried man screamed at the other.

You decided to stay in the closet, a choice you'd later regret, your lack of courage weighing on you as survival seemed uncertain. Tears slowly started to fall from your eyes, running against your soft rosy cheeks. Your handgun was clutched tightly in your sweaty palms, your breath trembling from pure horror, convinced that today might be your last.

With a sudden grunt, the closet door swung open. Before you stood four imposing men, each holding big machine guns, and a fifth man, held by another, similarly armed.

In front of you was a middle-aged man with brown hair, a fishing hat atop his head, and the most amazing blue eyes you had ever seen. He was tall and muscular, with a well-groomed beard for an apocalypse. Handsome and scary simultaneously.

The second man was one of the most attractive individuals you'd ever laid eyes on. He had brown-golden skin, trusting brown eyes, and a cap perched on his head. His gaze held a mix of awe and confusion as he looked at you.

The third man was colossal, ripped with muscles, and possibly the tallest person you'd encountered. He sported a blonde buzz cut and blue eyes that glowed red, giving him an intimidating aura. With an unhealed scar across his eyes and some stubles, he probably was incapable of growing a beard because of the scar tissue.

The fourth man looked similar to the one with the fishing hat; the only difference was his dirty blonde hair and tattoo sleeves. You noticed the prosthetic leg and wondered whether it had been dealt with properly – you sure as hell could help him too.

The last one was the man who got shot, and held by the scary men. He was the shortest of the group but still taller than you by several inches. His hair was in a funny mohawk, and he was ripped – not a bit; he was built like a fucking powerhouse. You couldn't shake the thought away that if you had known him through med school, learning anatomy would have been different – all those muscles – focus.

You thought that your potential killers were all good-looking, each in different ways. Despite this, you still pointed your gun at them, and they held their machine guns at you.

"A woman – I thought they were all dead," the man with the cap said, making you curious. All dead? When you last left your forest two years ago, there weren't many women, but there were still some out there.

You gathered all your remaining courage, shaking as you said, "Leave me alone, or I shoot." They laughed at you. Okay, they had more people and bigger guns, but you could still harm at least one of them.

"Oh, dove, your gun is still secured," the man with the fishing hat said, trying to hold out a laugh.

You tried to fidget with your gun, but you didn't know how to unsecure it. So, you just lowered it and held your hands up in the air.

"We don't have time for this shit. Knock her out or something; we need to fucking save Johnny," the scary man said, sending shivers down your spine out of fear.

"If you don't kill me, I'll save your friend." Win-win situation; you'll survive, and your morals are saved.

"Shut the fuck up. How could a stupid girl who can't even use a gun save him?" the scary man screamed. You were sure that he had a special bond with this Johnny, sure as hell best friends or lovers by how he acted.

"I'm a surgeon; I can remove the bullet," you said.

"You're a surgeon?" the tattoo man asked in disbelief at your claim.

"Which field?" the scary man asked you.

"Uhm, I was a pediatric surgeon."

"Does he look like a fucking child to you?"

"Simon, we don't have much choice. It's better than nothing; he will die if we don't do anything," Fisher hat man tried to convince Simon.

Simon agreed. "What do you need?"

You were afraid to be a bit rusty, but you'll make it. "Okay, one of you will bring me as much water as he can gather, one needs to guard the door. I don't need any interruptions in my surgery. One needs to stay in the room; this will hurt as hell without proper numbing. My surgical equipment is in the closet by the bathroom, as well as the medication I produced. You need to tie him to the bed; I don't know how, and I don't care, as long as he doesn't try to kill me while I try to fix his shoulder, and I need a promise that I won't be killed if he doesn't survive."

"Yes, ma'am," the tattoo guy said and was on his way. All the men worked efficiently, making you wonder if they had some military background since they listened better than my old residents, at least.

The man who introduced himself as Kyle - by the way, the only one who introduced himself to you - tied Johnny to the bed. Everything was now prepared, and you tried to make this place as sterile as possible.

You sat down on Johnny since you couldn't stand properly by the bed for the surgery and had the advantage of holding him down with your body weight.

"Hey Johnny, this will hurt a bit, okay, but you need to be strong, okay?" You talked to him like with your child patients, but that didn't matter right now. Right now, it mattered to save him.

Johnny spoke completely drowsy from the pain, "Am I deid, Lt? Or how come dae I see an angel oan tap o' me?" You chuckled; even in pain, you noticed that that man was a total flirt.

"Shut up, Johnny, and survive," Simon said.

"Love ya, Lt."

"I love you too, idiot." You were right in your thoughts; they were indeed a couple and a handsome one. You couldn't shake the feeling away, though, that he probably would kill you in the most vicious way if Johnny didn't survive.

You slid your scalpel through him and started the surgery after at least six terrible hours of fear and exhaustion; you were finished; you saved him. You were a bit envious of Johnny; Simon stayed the whole time by his side without being grossed out or yawning for a second; they loved each other. You never experienced that kind of love and never will...

Now he only needs to survive the aftermath of the surgery, which will be harder for his body than the actual surgery since the adrenaline wore off. You were glad that you were able to nick some antibiotics and real medication from a nearby emergency station. You were always better safe than sorry.

You removed the blood from yourself and washed yourself with cold water, which felt like an eternity till you pronounced yourself clean enough. You put on some cozy clothing and walked to the living room where three men sat sandwiched on the small couch. Simon stayed by Johnny.

You planted yourself across from them and looked at them until Fisher Man Hat spoke.

"Thank you for saving our man; I'm John, by the way."

"Alex."

"Well, you already know my name; how can we call you?" Kyle asked you.

"Uhm, everyone always called me Dr. Angel, since the kiddies compared me to one," you replied, telling them the truth.

"Beautiful nickname for a beautiful woman," John said.

You couldn't hide a blush, and Kyle asked you how it came that you lived alone. You explained your life story without boring them for one second.

"Tell me something about the six of you."

"Uhm, we were special forces back in the days before everything went downhill. We protected some scientists who worked on a cure, but they didn't make it and died in one of their experiments. We are originally seven, but the other two are on a raid right now for our camp. I know we probably scare you, but if you want to, you can stay with us, no strings attached. We know how humanity changed, and being the only woman alive makes it even scarier, but we will protect you since you saved one of our own," John explained. You were still confused, only woman alive? How is this possible? Well, you were immune to the virus, but you didn't need to tell them right now since this would make you even more vulnerable.

"Only woman alive?"

"Yes, dove, the woman's got instinct with them, the human race." You gulped; your moral codex spoke to you again. Shouldn't you prevent that from happening? Or is this nature's plan? You didn't want to think about it further.

"Does anyone of you want to eat something? I'm starving," you exclaimed, trying to change the subject to something less uncomfortable.

"You don't have to feed us; you already did enough," Kyle said.

"Nonsense! I'm hungry, and I have more than enough vegetables to feed a whole army," you protested and walked towards your kitchen. You took out the preserved tomatoes and potatoes and wanted to slice them, but a tall figure already removed your knife from your hands.

"Let me help; it's the least thing I can do after you did so much for us," Alex said and started to slice the vegetables while you tried to heat your pot. The other two put plates on your small kitchen table, making it feel incredibly domestic for you. They looked like husbands caring for their wives, and you wanted to shake out the thoughts in your head. You were just underfucked from the whole apocalypse, but deep down, you knew they did something to you, made you feel a tight knot in your stomach.

You took one portion up to Simon, who still gathered around Johnny's bed. With a sudden movement, the tall man hugged you tight, almost crushing you with his sheer strength.

"Thank you for saving him and sorry for being mean to you."

"I understand; I'd do the same if someone I dearly loved would be injured in this hell of a life," he tried to pull a smile at my words. "Here's some hot food, and give Johnny his antibiotics in an hour, okay?"

"Hot food? I haven't had that since forever."

I laughed, "Get used to it, big boy." He raised a brow but didn't question it.

You went downstairs and saw the men laughing while waiting for you like true gentlemen. Kyle blushed a bit when you came down, and they instantly stopped their talk. You asked yourself what they talked about, maybe something that would be dangerous. They ate like starved men and told you how long they didn't have anything warm in their bellies, making you realize how lucky you were in your cottage with your grown food. The only thing you were missing was someone to warm your bed—stop it, you said to your inner thoughts.

You gave the remaining boys some blankets and showed them enough places to sleep, and as they didn't mind sharing, everything went perfectly. Alex took the patrol for the night, telling you it needed to be done even if you never patrolled for the last two years. The other men called you naive for it. You checked one time on Johnny if he had a fever or anything like that, but to your luck, he was fine, still asleep and high on medication. Simon slept beside him, and you couldn't stop yourself from putting a blanket on top of him. He deserved the comfort after taking care of his boyfriend that way.

John walked you down to your room, talking a bit to you, which gave you more comfort than you wanted to admit. You were a human after all, and humans missed humans when they lived two years in isolation to survive.

"Did you ever think about what it means for you to be the only woman alive?" he asked you.

"It's pretty weird to think about it."

"Kinda."

"I guess the human race will go extinct then."

"There are ways if you decide to—you know, save the planet and everything. You seem like a girl who always wants to do the right thing."

"You mean getting pregnant?"

"Exactly, saving the human race and everything."

"Would it be selfish if I let it die?"

"A bit, but it's your choice. I will always protect you from everyone who wants to take advantage of you. You're part of the team now."

"And what if I decide to want to save it?"

His eyes lit up. "Then, of course, I'd support you, like every man on this team. I think most of my boys wouldn't be repulsed by helping you to reach this goal." You blushed hard. Did he just tell you—shit.

"And what about you, John?"

"I'd be more than willing to participate. You're incredibly looking, dove, and I'm just a man behind all this."

"I'll think about it," but you couldn't shake away the feeling of them—you could have all of them.

"Take your time, dove." He kissed you on your rosy cheek and left you completely crazy alone with your thoughts. It was too long ago, and you felt the familiar feeling building up inside of you. Fuck it, you thought and decided to speak with them about it tomorrow. You're a good person after all, right? And that's what a good person does?

[menfenced]

I've seen a lot of posts in the last 24 hours about why Kamala lost and I feel like most of them are failing to actually look at reasons voters are giving. Instead, they're putting forward what they personally didn't like about Kamala's campaign. But here's the thing to remember... You didn't like that thing about Kamala's campaign. You still voted for her. There's something else going on.

Because people didn't just vote against Kamala. They voted FOR Trump, and early polling results are showing they did it across the board in almost every demographic.

I've seen the calls for investigations into voter fraud and voter suppression because "this doesn't just happen!" and I agree with one thing. This doesn't "just" happen. There's a reason and democrats aren't listening. Because it's not just a handful of counties that got hacked or had crazy people trying to stop votes or didn't get all of their ballots counted. That's not to say that none of that stuff happened, of course. There may have been serious issues in some counties. But across the board, in nearly every state and every county, even if he didn't outright win, Trump made gains. The only two states where he didn't make gains: Washington State and Utah.

If that's due to voter fraud or hacked elections, it would have to be on a scale unlike anything we have ever seen before and honestly, we don't have any evidence of that right now.

So what happened? What do we know?

We know that since the pandemic and since the record inflation that caused, incumbent leaders all over the world have been losing elections at higher rates than usual. That crosses all political persuasions and again, has been seen across the globe.

Based on polling prior to the election, which remained fairly consistent throughout the election run, 3/4 US voters think the country is on the wrong track and 2/3 are unhappy with the economy.

Biden's approval rating when this election started was 40-41%

This is all a recipe for an incumbent losing, which to be frank, most people still saw Kamala as, even though she was running instead of Biden.

In addition to all of that, let's look at what the exit polls showed.

Kamala's approval rating in the exit polls was 48.5%

Donald Trump's approval ratings in the exit polls was 44.54%

And I know he wasn't running, but just for context Biden's approval ratings were 40%

When asked if Harris's views were too extreme, 46% said yes, 51% said no.

When asked if Trump's views were too extreme, 55% said yes, 43% said no.

So how did he win?

People like him less and think he's more extreme. Why did they vote for him?

Well, let's look at some other polling data.

45% of voters said that their family's personal financial situation was worse off than it was four years ago.

Only 25% said their financial situation was better than it was 4 years ago.

75% of people polled said that in the last year, inflation has caused them either severe or moderate hardship.

When asked who can bring needed change, 73% of voters said Trump and only 25% said Harris.

What that means is that a majority of American's don't like Trump. They don't think he's a good person. They think he's too extreme. And yet they still voted for him because the issue that was most important in this election was the economy.

Will Trump be better for the economy?

No.

But there's a perception that the current administration did not do everything they could have to fix it and people were willing to roll the dice on someone different.

Maybe we could have done more. Kamala only had 110 days to make her case and no matter what she said, the fact remained that she is the sitting VP. Maybe there was no way for her to escape the incumbent/status quo perception.

I hope we can learn something from the behavior of the American electorate this year, and I really hope Trump doesn't fuck things up too bad before we get another chance to step in, because the Republican Party is learning things too. They're learning that they can be as extreme as they want, but if they can make people believe the economy will work better under their leadership, even if it's not true, they'll still get votes.

[tittyinfinity]

i can't shut up i'm sorry I'm ranting about Biden again

I'm starting to think Trump's presidency really wasn't any worse than what we have going on now, he was just targeting different people.

Bear with me.

The thing is, Biden has been the president for most of the pandemic and he hasn't been doing anything to stop the spread of it, so when people say "but Trump would kill US here!!" I wanna mention that Biden is already killing people of all parts of the political spectrum with his passiveness on covid

Biden is smarter than Trump. He's been in politics longer. He has had decades of learning how to maneuver politics. He has agreed with a lot of bad policies, many more than Trump even had the ability to do w his only 4 years of presidency. Trump is more interested in his image than anything else. Which is also dangerous! But it's much easier to convince people that Trump, a guy who is loud about his prejudices and caused a lot of damage because of that, is worse than a guy who pretends to agree with you on issues and then commits literal genocide.

Like I said, it just changes who is targeted instead. But is that really the case? We're already being targeted in different ways. A few good things have passed under Biden! But we also lost more bodily autonomy rights as far as abortion and trans rights go (not everywhere, but many states have become dangerous to live in). "That's not completely his fault" sure! Well then if the president doesn't have the power to change things truly for the better themselves, then worrying about who the president will be doesn't really matter. Also, presidents in the US have the ability to make executive orders.

And maybe he has spoken up on these things more and I just haven't heard about them - but Biden does not take the time to speak out about the anti-abortion, anti-trans, or healthcare related issues, except for the occasional quip here and there before he goes right back to not giving a shit. And I'm only using those as an example because a lot of "vote blue no matter who" people apparently only care about what happens to people here instead of in other countries.

And it's just really shitty to say "well what about the people who COULD die under a republican presidency instead of the real people dying from Biden's incitement of genocide right now!"

Trump incited a LOT of hatred in our country, yes. It pushed people to be more loud and open about their prejudices. But the deaths caused by hate crimes and COVID here in America were not on near of a large and deadly scale as what Biden is doing right now. We didn't watch our entire cities get destroyed and have our entire families wiped out.

So it seems, again, like the "vote blue no matter who" crowd only cares about politics when it comes to how THEY will (or MIGHT) be affected.

Am I saying vote for Trump or DeSantis? Fuck no. I'm saying prevent the next election from happening and burn this imperialistic genocidal government to the ground. The US has caused enough death, well into the millions, ever since it was created, and hasn't ever stopped committing genocide. But it only seems to matter when it (COULD) happen to white Americans.

Mexican people are still being put in cages and having their children stolen, too.

Indigenous people are still being murdered.

Disabled people are still dying from lack of accessible healthcare.

And the prices of everything have SKYROCKETED since Biden became president.

People are already suffering under a democratic president. You just won't care until it happens to you.

[jmdbjk]

Oh, Jimin...

These are my personal impressions, thoughts, interpretations and opinions on Jimin’s solo FACE album. Some of the things I say here are built on things I know from past original content, interviews and what Jimin has shared personally. Some of it is just me reveling in my first experience with Jimin’s long awaited album. 

It is such a serious album. Jimin said this is the story of what he was feeling, chronologically, 2020-2022, during the pandemic era. At the beginning of 2020, BTS was rising higher than any Korean artist ever had before and then all of a sudden the momentum came to a halt, and there was nothing. Having the life you’ve known suddenly jerked away from you is traumatizing. 

Once the king of social media, Jimin almost ceased by the end of 2020 and never went back. “Oh, he just outgrew it.” No, the man was struggling with his issues and not only did he not need to see the extra crap spewed all over social media but he had nothing left to give, nothing left inside. 

I noticed how Jimin looked physically back in 2020. He was downright frail y’all. The man was trying to give us what we wanted at the expense of his mental and physical health. That breakdown he had during the ending ments in Memories 2020 was too much. They were all stressed out, but Jimin... those that said he was being over dramatic... the man was struggling with his mental health.

I wrote this last June, 2022 but never posted it: 

After Memories 2020 dropped, we’ve heard Jimin say he struggled after everything got canceled. Days upon days that turned into months upon months and more than two years passed before they finally returned to in-person performances. He stated that during isolation and lockdowns he wondered what was the purpose of his life, or that he had lost his purpose.

Jimin’s struggles were most likely much more severe than he let on and he 100% kept it to himself because he didn’t want us to worry about him. That sounded like solo delusional projection but think about Jimin and how he’s behaved in the past...always telling us not to worry. Always saying things to reassure us that he’s happy, he eats well, don’t worry.

There was no working, no performing, their lives and his life changed drastically overnight just like all of ours did. Would we ever get back to normal? What will happen in the future? When will all of this end? 

Face-Off

The album opens with a carnival calliope, it was a little jarring and unexpected. The images it conjured in my brain as the notes played were of a worn out circus winding down. It made me think of the big wild circus that WAS his life, and it just wound down and keeled over. 

Knowing the premise of the album, I think the title, Face-Off, implies Jimin is looking at himself. Speaking to himself. The lyrics could also imply he is speaking to someone else, like people he once trusted. But I don’t think so. 

He was having a confrontation with himself. Reasoning and bargaining with himself.

Maybe he once trusted himself but in this time and place in which he finds himself, he questions what is he doing? and second guessing himself. Day in and day out, the days are all the same nothingness. Hiding his feelings, faking it, pretending it was all ok. It’s all cool. It’ll be all right. He has said many times he looks back at that time and thinks he could have done more for the fans. Being hard on himself. His own worst critic. 

And then this enters the picture: using alcohol to self-medicate. Getting drunk. Numbing the pain. Forgetting. Drink all night. Oh, Jimin...

We know he has a very high alcohol tolerance. He once mentioned that he used to drink a lot. When he declined the champagne during the live after the Busan concert, we all made jokes about it and moved on. Oh, Jimin. 

Face-Off feels like it could have been a purging song when he wrote it. A little primal, you know... just scream, get it out. Painful but cathartic. 

This is the lyric that was scary: “tonight is a beautiful night, I think I’m close (or I think I have it all/I think I’ve found myself)” were chilling to me because they did not come across as optimistic, they came across as being at the end of one’s rope after becoming a shell of a person. He follows that line with “tonight I don’t want to be sober.” Oh, Jimin. 

His vocals open very low and moody then transition to a plaintive cry, punctuated with anger. 

Pour it down, pour it out... the anger, the emotions, the words, just pour it out. 

Interlude: Dive

Like the calliope that sadly wound down, Dive opens with the melody slowly winding back up to speed. Another day starting. Someone knocks, voices, the ambience of a normal day, breathing, running footsteps. The crowd cheering and Jimin’s voice during his ending ments at the Busan concert, more sounds of people in his life. We hear Jimin’s footsteps trudging, it sounds like we hear him climbing steps, entering his house, closing the door, and first thing he does when he is alone in the quiet is pour a drink and drinking deeply. I am concerned. 

Maybe it is supposed to represent the closing of Chapter 1, about a day in the past that was once a “normal” day, since it included the last things he said during that concert.

The music track is dreamlike, repetitive. Living in a dream. Every day. Same thing. Go home. Drink. Do it again. Dive means go deep. In deep. He’s in deep. 

There is a very subtle line between drinking in order to make it through another day/night versus drinking to relax and wind down. A slippery slope to walk on every single day.

We’ve transitioned from the world changing overnight to living in a daze trying to pretend everything is ok. Coping.

Like Crazy

(I am going to express my thoughts using the English version of the song.)

Jimin has explained the song is influenced by the movie of the same name. 

I have learned that the dialogue from the movie was NOT original to the movie but hired voice actors specifically for the song: “I think we can last forever.” “I’m afraid that everything will disappear.” “Just trust me.” And at the end: “How long again?” “What’s the point?”

He has said the dialogue that was used fit the message of the song. I have not seen the movie. I don’t think the song is a literal interpretation of the movie. I think the song’s basic concept is the emotional struggle trying to maintain a dream. But maintaining a dream is unrealistic no matter what you do to try to make it last. Jimin had to come to terms with that.

Jimin’s vocals begin very light and airy, very dreamy. 

[God, he’s fine.]

The vibe of the song is sort of retro, very much evokes the artist, The Weeknd. It has a very 80′s synth beat. It is a very danceable song. Like I said, on the surface.... very dreamy.

Vocals transition and it still seems like he’s having a conversation with himself, or with a voice within himself. A voice telling him to “trust me, follow me... I will make it good for you.” Me: gives a side eye to that voice in Jimin’s head because now I know it’s not trustworthy. “I’ll take the pressure off, been reaching for the stars.” Chasing that high. Go easy, Jimin. Please be careful.

Yes, the lyrics are also very sexy... “give me a good ride,” and “Let me have a taste.” Yep, I’m with ya on all that... ahem... 

[Wow]

[side note: I love the make up in the bathroom scene with that stroke of silver under his eye.]

“All my reflections, I can’t even recognize.” ...what he sees of himself is not reality. He doesn’t recognize himself. Don’t try to save me. I want to stay like this. 

To me, the mud on the floor, the mud flowing down the walls, the mud on the hand that grabs his wrist at the beginning of the song, the mud on his hand at the end... could represent his perceived imperfections, flawed, therefore dirty: his struggle to cope, his less than perfect thoughts... substance abuse... the struggle that he needs to be perfect on the outside or the attempt to appear perfect on the outside but there’s all this dirt on the inside that he can’t hide any longer.....the huge pile of mud at his feet is out of place in the otherwise normal room of his life. Becoming overwhelming for him.

Some of the visuals of this song are, to put it bluntly, very, not heterosexual. Again, these are just my impressions and opinions. But a friend pointed out the photo on the front of his pants and I went looking for information about the art photographer, Robert Mapplethorpe. He was heavily involved in New York’s gay BDSM scene. Some of the things written about him: 

“In a rapidly changing society, he fearlessly confronted taboos surrounding gender, sexuality and mortality, seeking to instill beauty and dignity into subjects that lay outside accepted social norms.”

“... a man who consistently brought his audience face to face with the unknown and the unseen.”

The song ends with him reaching toward the camera to smear it with the mud to hide his imperfect self. When Jimin puts his face in front of the camera, he doesn’t want us to see his imperfections. He wants to be as perfect as he can, he says it all the time, he wants to look pretty for us, but I hope he has realized we accept him as a real human being even with his very human imperfections. 

Alone

The alarm clock goes off...yet another day...doesn’t trust the people even if they are nice to him...he’s lost...day in day out... passing out drunk and not remembering...what am I doing? am I the only one feeling like this? Alone, pretending to be ok...every day the same...how much more until I can go back to before? Feeling more and more isolated within his own mind, pretending to be ok but losing himself every day. Mayday. The cry for help. Telling himself it will be all right (we all told ourselves this back then). The small nagging voice that doesn’t believe it. 

Realizing you’ve changed and you are never going back to the way you were before. 

Not gonna lie, that line right there broke my heart. Gives new meaning to Set Me Free Pt. 2′s line: "raise your hands for the past me.” 

He was in so much trouble and no one knew. He reassured us over and over that he was fine. Not to be over-dramatic but I don’t want to think about how close he was... I have seen a few people say this song really resonated with them. It is a very powerful cry for help.

Jimin’s vocals blew me away. The vocals start out very subdued, almost beaten down. His vocal fry squeezes my heart. He ends crying out “what do I have to do to end this darkness?” Bad twilight. Night’s can be hard.

Set Me Free Pt. 2

From my post on March 17, 2023:

Going insane to stay sane. Raise your hands for the past me. Now set me free. This is where I literally cried. Oh, Jimin.

Going crazy trying to fake being ok. 

Now I know this song is about him saving himself, setting himself free from this prison he was in, the depression, breaking the chains of alcohol dependency, of telling the naysayers out there and his own internal naysayer to go fuck themselves, Park Jimin is back. Strong and beautiful and fierce. The light of the moon shining on us. 

We know he still considers soju his joy. He sounds like he’s taken control, not totally abstaining, but in control. I only wish the rest of his days are happiness and stable mental health well-being. 

Letter

So unexpected. I was in shock. My heart floated away. 

People talk about how Jimin’s album has no collabs on it, unlike the previous member’s solo work. My opinion is, when you are sharing deeply intimate feelings and emotions and struggles about yourself you don’t want or need other people/voices on your song. It’s not appropriate. 

The only exception to this was… Jungkook…not exactly a collab, but he’s there. The other songs used background vocalists who are not members of BTS. 

This song was hidden. Yes, there have been other hidden songs. But come on...

Letter has a strong stroke of Promise in the “oh, oh.” And when Jungkook starts singing it is like the world is set right because those two voices blend like nothing else I’ve ever heard. And he comes in in the middle of the song gently supporting Jimin’s vocals. But unmistakably Jungkook. I know it’s up to interpretation, but for me, the lyrics from then on take on something a little extra in meaning with Jungkook there singing with Jimin. 

You held your hand out to me and now I will hold on to you. So simple and beautiful. The sounds of the surf remind me of the song “Okinawa” that Jimin posted once. Which also reminds me of their pics at Santa Monica beach...

Letter seems to be an actual letter. When the members told him to write it down, put it in a song, maybe Jimin’s first impulse was to write it as if it was a letter. The lyrics are simple and very to the point and convey:

“...though I’m not good with words, I want to sincerely say let’s make each other happier. You who showed me I am bigger than my small self. You've been by my side and I will be by yours. I hope we stay together until the cold winter. Though the future is unknown and scary, let’s stay together. Never forget we’re together.”

There are references to past songs: Sea, Spring Day. Both of those songs were from 2017. 

But Jungkook. On a Jimin song. That was hidden. Clever. That we had no idea about...even though Kookie knocked us over the head with it when he played the guitar for us, making sure we knew he’d only had one lesson. Who do you think gave him that first guitar lesson? Jimin... and Kookie blurting out some English in his last live... who do you think he’s been practicing English with? Duh, Jimin. 

It was a hidden song AND the credits were hidden on the page in the book. They were printed in varnish only, which is basically shiny, clear ink.

You know what I think? Jungkook knew about this song since Festa dinner. The teasing about not being offered the chance to listen to the song. That little shit. I KNOW IT WAS THIS SONG!! I JUST KNOW IT!! This was the rumored subunit. Or at least one of them. I guess we’ll eventually see if there are any more between the others.

They sound so beautiful together. I love them. And as I keep saying, they are fine… they’ve been fine.

Last words...

Anyway, that was a lot of words. Maybe I got too deep. Jimin explained himself about how the album originated. 

As I was telling my friend earlier...everything in this album has peeled a layer, or several layers, away from EVERYTHING I've seen and heard from Jimin and the group since 2020. I had written some things in the past, like last June and even before that, about how Jimin seemed not well mentally. Things that I had no business saying in public because who the hell am I to think I can say something like that about someone I have never met? So I never posted those words. I never thought I would be so close to the mark in thinking those things. He’s been through it, wrote songs about it, and moved on. And I am so proud of him and this album. 

[writting-stuff-sometimes]

Christmas time - Charles x fem reader

Summary: You return home for Christmas and fin yourself spending it with and old lover and his family.

Warnings: None, just fluff and some angst.

AN: From the topic, you might know since when I've been working on this but I finally decided to finish it, I was going to wait till Christmas to publish it but what the heck. As you can see I have a thing for exes, writing here it's cheaper than therapy. As always feedback it's appreciated, accepting requests, and let me know if you would like to be added to the tag list.

Christmas had always been a confusing time for you, you thought of it as too cheese but at the same time you could spend a whole weekend just watching and crying over Christmas movies, so now that you were coming back home for the holidays after being away for so long, it felt as if you were in one of them.

You had been living in the US for 5 years, and like in all those stupid chick flicks, you had moved to the other side of the world because you wanted to escape your life after a painful breakup and the US was far enough from everyone you knew, and a certain sport your ex was part of. You were supposed to be studying there for 2 years but then the pandemic hit and you got stuck, you found a job that started as a part time but eventually became full time.

"Mom, are you serious? isn't Christmas a holiday you're supposed to spend with family?" you said as you struggle to wrap a present.

"What are you talking about? The Leclerc's are family! Don't you remember how many vacations we've spend together? the summers at the lake and winters up in the cabin? You, Lorenzo and Charles in your onesies playing in the snow as baby Arthur followed all of you around?"

Now you were kind of getting why you felt how you felt about christmas, your mom was in love with the holiday and it was cute but exhausting at the same time.

"Have you talk to them? I heard they went to the US a couple of times this year" In her defense, she had no idea you and Charles had been dating for a few months, actually as far as you knew only your best friend and Lorenzo knew about it after they found you making out in his kitchen one night after a party.

"No, we lost track of each other after I moved" you lied and returned to your wrapping task, actually Charles did try reaching out to you when he found out you moved and again when he went to race there, but you had all rights to ignore his calls and messages, the day you broke up he had been an ass.

_____________

The fight started when you confronted him about some pictures of him at a nightclub in Austria, you had no problem with him having fun after a stressful weekend, the girl grinding her ass against his body, his hand on her waist and the fact that it wasn't the first time this had happened, was the problem.

"It was a fan, I didn't want to be rude", Clearly this superstar status had gone to his head. "They don't know I have a girlfriend! You want me to be rude?"

"And who decided we shouldn't tell anyone?"

"You know why I don't want them to..."

"Yeah, yeah protecting our privacy, I would buy that story if you weren't going around the fucking world letting girls grind against you every five fucking minutes!"

"Well, I don't know what to tell you, I won't change my mind about it" The defiant look on his face told you everything you needed to know and now it was your turn to make a decision.

"Don't worry, you don't have to lie to your fans anymore" You stormed out of his room, that was the last time you spoke to each other.

You cried for weeks, you actually loved him but seeing pictures of him with a different girl at parties and nightclubs after every race weekend was just too painful. It only took you a couple of weeks to realize that staying in Monaco was a bad idea, his face and name were all over the place. One day, like a miracle fallen from the sky, one of your teachers told you about a scholarship to study in the US, you didn't think it twice and applied, and two months later you were boarding a plane to New York.

A couple of days after you arrived to the US, Charles tried every posible way of getting in touch with you, but you sticked to your decision and ignored all his messages.

You couldn't actually say you had fallen out of love, the good moments had been amazing and those you would cherish forever. _______

"I don't have anything to wear tho" it was a lame excuse but you really wanted to escape the awkward christmas weekend your mom had planned.

"Oh, don't worry about it, I bought you a cute dress, it's in your closet!"

You finished loading the van with the tons of things your mom wanted to take for the weekend-long stay at the Lecrerc's cabin and finally went upstairs to deal with the stress of seeing your ex, you threw yourself on your childhood bed and closed your eyes.

"Hi sweety, can I come in?" Your dad knocked on your door.

"Dad! Of course" You rushed to hug him

"I missed you so much" he said as he kissed your head.

"Miss you too"

"You need to come more often" he brushed your hair like he used to when you were little.

"I know, I wish I could"

"Honey, don't forget to try on the dress" Your mom yelled from downstairs and you sight in exhaustion, you loved your mom but spending the holidays with your ex and his family wasn't on your list for a great christmas.

"I know, but Pascale has been really nice to your mom now that you've been away, you know how much she misses you"

"I was expecting to be just with you guys"

"C'mon sweety, this will be fun. Aren't you excited to see a certain Leclerc?" a mischievous smile on your dad's face made your heart fall to your feet.

"What are you talking about?" you almost choked on your own saliva.

"Darling, we all knew about your crush on Lorenzo, it was endearing" you unclenched your jaw when you heard Lorenzo's name. Your dad wasn't wrong tho when you were like 5 or 6 you had a crush on your friend's big brother; it was natural, you used to spend a lot of time at their house, and he was older and very attractive.

"That was a long time a go, dad" You smiled at the memory.

"I know, but it will be nice to spend some time all together, specially after they lost Hervé and our only daughter decided to move so far away" He looked at you with such loving eyes, you could just say yes with your head "Your mom's been quiet for too long, let me go see what that lady is up to" he hugged you again and left your room.

You walked to your closet and took the dress cover bag.

"Are you serious?" you couldn't help to say out loud as you took the red body con dress from the hanger. It was a beautiful, but it being ferrari red felt like life was mocking you. You took a couple of calming breaths as you tried to accept that you were fucked, the only "party" attire in your suitcase wasn't exactly family gathering material and it was too late to go shopping, that dress was your only option.

The next morning before the sun was up you were already in the back of your mom's van on your way to the country side, it was a two hour drive to the Leclerc's cabin, you tried to catch some sleep and fight the jet lag, but anxiety wouldn't let you and before you knew it you were parking next to a red alfa romeo.

"Oh my God!! Y/n!!! darling, what a wonderful surprise" a surprised Pascale rushed to hug you as soon as you got off the van.

"Hi, it's nice to see you too" You hugged her back, you did really like Pascale, she had always been like a second mother.

As she turned to greet your dad, you turned to your mother.

"They didn't knew I was coming?" You asked in a low voice.

"No, I wanted for it to be a cute surprise" Your mom said with a big smile and then turned to hug her best friend.

"Come on in, the boys are going to be so happy to see you" She took you by the shoulders and dragged you inside the house as you pulled your suitcase.

"I wouldn't bet on it" you thought to yourself.

"Boys! come help with the bags!" She yelled as she entered the house "Wait 'till they see you!, want something to drink?" She pulled you inside the kitchen.

"Mom, where are we putting tomorrow's dinner thi..." Charles cut himself off and stopped in the middle of the kitchen entrance when he saw you.

"Mate, move! you're in the way" Arthur pushed Charles to the side walking in with a couple of bags "Y/N!" the youngest Leclerc let the bags fall over the kitchen table and rushed to hug you.

"Hi, Art" You said almost out of breath from the tight hug. "Oh my, you look so grown up!"

"Don't be fooled, it's just the outside" Said Lorenzo as he entered the kitchen with more bags, setting them on the table and pushing Arthur away to hug you "It's so nice to see you"

"Same" You hugged him back.

"This is a Christmas miracle" Lorenzo said as he turned to look at Charles with a cheeky grin on his face, he knew exactly what was happening and he found it incredibly amusing "I'm so glad I didn't skip christmas this year" He whispered as he walked past Charles.

"Shut up" Charles whispered back.

"Hi, Y/n" Charles left the bags on the floor, walked towards you and got his arms around your body as you shily hugged him back, his scent and body heat felt so familiar like it had been just a couple of days since the last time you two had been cuddling in his bed. "It's nice to see you," he said against your ear, his soft warm breath brushing your neck giving you goosebumps.

"It's nice to see you too"

You could feel Lorenzo's sight on you as he was bitting his cheek trying not to burst out laughing at the awkwardness between you two, thank God it was only him who noticed.

All of you finished unloading the van and tried to organize the sleeping situation.

"I can totally sleep on the couch, Pascale, don't worry about it" You said as soon as she offered to give you Charles' room.

"Oh no darling, you're not sleeping on the couch, Charles can sleep with Lorenzo or with Arthur, don't worry about it"

"But..."

"Don't even try, you won't convince her, let me" Said Charles taking your bag from your hand and walked up the stairs.

You followed him to his room. As soon as you walked in a thousand memories rushed trough your mind, during your relationship you had gone up to that cabin a few times, it was the only place you two could be alone.

"Thanks" You said in a low voice when he left your bag on his bed.

"You're welcome" He turned to look at you, you held his gaze a couple of seconds before his beautiful green eyes got your heart rushing a thousand miles and you had to look somewhere else trying to catch your breath, you walked to his closet to hang the dress bag.

"I called you, several times"

"I know" You said as you awkwardly played with the plastic material.

"I wanted to..."

"Mate, mom is calling you" Arthur walked in startling both of you.

"I'll be right there"

"Now" Said Arthur and walked down the stairs.

"We should go" you nervously said and followed Art downstairs.

Your mom, Pascale, Enzo and yourself prepared lunch as your dad talked to Arthur and Charles about the last racing season.

The whole group sat to have lunch, Pascale asked you about your life in New York, your apartment, your job, your friends.

"...and is there a special someone?" your mom's friend asked with a mischievous grin on her face, you noticed how Charles tensed at the question and Lorenzo noticed too.

"Yeah, are you breaking many hearts?" Lorenzo added, softly kicking his brother under the table, Charles flipped him off discretely as he "scratched" his cheek.

"Not as many as you Enzo, are you still dating Adrianne?" You diverted the attention successfully.

After lunch everyone moved to sit outside around the deck fireplace, night came and it started snowing which meant it was time to go to sleep, there was a lot to do the next morning.

You laid in Charles's bed, his scent was as intoxicating as it was soothing, you couldn't lie, you missed that smell, once you even ended up dating a guy just because he used the same cologne.

After an hour of trying to fall asleep and failing miserably at it, you gave up and decided to go prepare yourself a hot cup of tea. You got your robe on and walked down to the kitchen.

You prepared your tea and went to sit outside by the fireplace, the snow had stopped, it was cold but a couple of logs were still burning to give just enough heat to make it enjoyable.

"You're going to catch a cold" Charles' voice scared you, making you spill some hot tea over your hand.

"Ahhh, ouch"

"Shit!" Charles rushed to your side taking some snow from one of the chairs, he kneeled in front of you and placed the snow over your hand. "I'm sorry, I didn't meant to scare you" he turned to look at you.

"It's ok" He kept his hand on yours, and you stood still for a while as the snow melted between your hands.

"I'm sorry" he said again.

"It's ok, it wasn't that hot anymore"

"I'm not talking about the tea" his voice in that low pitch that let you know this was a serious matter.

"Charles, you don't need to... I don't...I'm.." You had no idea what to say, you had rehearsed this conversation a thousand times in your head and had worked amazing responses to every possible apology or complaint, but having him right there, kneeling in front of you with his hand caressing yours was just too much for your brain to process, you couldn't even look at him.

"Listen, I was an asshole, I let stupid ideas get to my head, I did a lot of stupid things, and I've regretted them every single day since the moment you walked out my door."

"Y/n" he took your chin and made you look up at him "I'm sorry, I've missed you so fucking much" your chest moved faster, no coherent thought in your mind.

"It's getting cold, we should go inside" you removed your hand from his and walked directly to his room without looking back. You were overwhelmed, you still had feelings for him, but it had been too long, you had a life in New York. It broke your heart to think that maybe you had wasted your only chance to be with him.

It was around 3 or 4 am when you finally cried yourself to sleep.

A soft knock on the door woke you up.

"Come in" you sat on the bed and tried to fix your hair.

"Good morning" Lorenzo walked in the room, a tray in his hands with a cup of coffee and a couple pancakes.

"Hi, thanks" You took the tray from his hands and took a small sip of coffee, it was so good.

"You're welcome, I figured that after staying up late you could use some breakfast in bed" You looked at him confused.

"My window it's right above the deck"

"Oh, sorry about that"

"Don't worry about it. But, he really is sorry, you have no idea how many times he begged for me to call you, he knew you would answer my calls, but to be honest I didn't think he deserved you then"

"And now?"

"I've been to New York, it ain't that cool, and I would love to see you around Monaco and the tracks more often" He winked at you and walked out of the room.

You had your breakfast in bed as you tried to figure out what the fuck were you supposed to do with what you felt and what Lorenzo had told you. It was almost noon, you had a shower and finally walked downstairs to help with the Christmas preparations for that evening.

The smell coming from the kitchen was amazing, your mom and Pascale were the greatest cooks you've ever met, actually, their food was one of the things you missed the most after you moved.

"Oh, I almost forgot, I ordered some bread from the town and I think we might need a couple more wine bottles" Pascale said as she looked at a message on her phone.

"I can go pick it up" You offered, you were used to being questioned by your mom every time you called home, but now there were two of them bombarding you with a ton of questions, making you feel a bit overwhelmed, so a lonely trip to the village seemed like a great way to take a breather.

"Darling, I don't know, you haven't driven on this side of the road for a while, and the road might be snowed" If only your mother knew how many times you had taken Charles's car out for a spin and done pretty reckless stunts.

"I can drive you" Charles offered walking in the kitchen.

"Yes, let Charles drive you" Great, it had gone from bad to worse.

"But...ok" You knew trying to convince your mom to let you go on your own was a lost cause and saying no to the offer would seem weird and offensive, you took your jacket and walked outside.

You both were so nervous, the only sound in the car was the music coming from the speakers, you couldn't help to look at him out of the corner of your eye, he was tense as he kept a tight grip on the steering wheel and you found it incredibly attractive, one of the things you enjoyed the most when dating Charles was looking at him as he was driving, the way his hands worked the steering wheel and his sight focused on the road was something that turned you on.

You finally got to the village and walked inside a small store, you split the list of things and walked your own way to get them all.

"Y/n?" someone called your name behind you.

"Oh my, Ed, hi!" You hugged the guy standing behind you, he had been one of your uni classmates.

"It's so nice to see you, how's everything, how's New York?"

"It's good, how are you?"

"Same old, same old, how long are you going to be here? We should go get a coffee or something"

"Y/n" Charles spoke before you could answer "Two chardonnays should be good? we have 3 merlots at home" He said showing the two wine bottles he was holding in his left hand, as his right arm grabbed you nonchalantly by the waist.

"Oh, sorry mate, hi, Charles" Charles left the wine bottles in the shopping cart and extended his hand to shake Ed's but kept his arm around you.

"Hi, no worries, you are... Charles Leclerc"

"Yeah"

"Wow, uhm, big fan"

"Thanks" Charles smiled at your friend, from the outside this all seemed innocent and nice, but you knew he was marking his territory. "We need to hurry, we still need to stop by the bakery" He said looking at you in a way that made your heart skip a beat, it had been so long since he had looked at you in that way.

"I should go too, I still got some presents to buy, it was nice to see you y/n, and nice to meet you Charles, good luck on the next season"

"Thanks, mate, appreciated" Charles shook his hand, and as you took a step forward to kiss your friend goodbye, his arm never left your body. When Ed was out of sight you turned to look at Charles inquisitively as he took the spices from your hand and placed them in the tiny shopping cart.

"Let's go" He pushed the cart as if nothing had happened and walked to the register.

"Stop looking at me like that" he finally said as you were on the drive back to the cabin.

"That was low"

"I don't know what you're talking about" he faked innocence.

"Make him think we're together, that was low"

"You went with it, didn't you?" You instantly blushed at his comment.

"I did it just so you wouldn't look like a fool"

A soft breathy laugh left his mouth as he turned to stop in a hiking trail parking lot.

"What are you doing?" you asked confused as he turned off the car.

"Come" he got off the car, confused you did as he said, he leaned against the hood of the car and you walked towards him.

"Charles?" You asked as you stood a safe distance from him, your arms crossed over your chest.

"We need to talk"

"Charles, please, I..." You rubbed your eyes in slight despair, you were pretty much in the middle of nowhere there was no escaping from him this time.

"Please, just listen to me, if when I'm done you don't want to talk about it anymore, we'll get in the car and we never talk about this ever again, but right now, just listen to me, ok?" his beautiful green eyes made you weak and you couldn't say no.

"Ok"

"Y/n, I really am sorry, I swear nothing happened with any of those girls, I never cheated on you..."

"Charles..."

"Shut... up!" His voice was a soft growl as he took you by your arms and pulled you a little closer to him, you stared into his eyes, frozen "Please, listen to me, I know I've said I'm sorry like a million times in the last 24 hours, but I really feel like I owe you so many apologies. I was an asshole, I could try to explain myself but at the end of the day I was young and stupid, and I let this "famous driver" shit get to my head, I lost myself, and on the way, I ended up losing the most amazing and wonderful woman ever. I pushed you away and you had all right to kick me out of your life, but please, if there's just one small part of you that would like to try this again, please, I'm begging you, just give me one more chance, please"

You felt your heart rush, you had thought about this moment a million times, and 90% of them the answer was negative, not because you didn't love him, but because you could see how happy he was without you, winning races, taking pictures with fans, partying with the rest of the drivers, having the freedom he seemed to miss when he was with you.

"Y/N?"

"How do I know this isn't going to end up badly? You've been single for the last 5 years, are you sure you want to give up all you have?"

"I'm not the same idiot you left 5 years ago, I swear, I don't need anyone but you, I don't WANT anyone but you" He pulled you closer, his arms around your waist in a tight hug as you keep your arms crossed over your chest trying to put as much distance between you two. "I know I'm asking for a lot, you have a life somewhere else and I swear I wouldn't be asking for another chance if I didn't actually mean it, I swear on everything that's sacred for me, that I'm going to do my best to make this work and make you the happiest girl in the world, but please give me another chance"

"Are you sure this isn't just the holiday blues? what if I hadn't come this Christmas, would you feel the same?" Your rational side fighting hard against the side that just wanted to wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him.

"Do you really think I just came up with this?" A soft smile escaped his lips as he unhooked one of his arms from around your waist and took his cell phone from his jacket, he clicked around for a bit, then turned the screen towards you as he slowly scrolled through the screen, there were dozens of undelivered messages, you could only catch a few words but most of them were of how much he missed you and begging for you to forgive him and come back. "The last one is from last week, I've missed you every day for five years"

You turned to look at him, this movement from your head making the tears that flooded your eyes fall down your cheeks. He got his phone inside his jacket and cleaned your tears with his fingers.

"I love you, y/n, and you can say no, I don't want to force you to do anything, you don't even have to give me an answer right now, but just think about it, ok?"

You couldn't talk and you just nodded your head.

"Good, now let's go, it's getting dark" He leaned in and kissed your lips so softly that if your eyes had been closed you would have doubted it ever happen. He led you to the passenger seat, opened the door for you, and then went to get inside the car.

You drove in silence again, you knew your answer but were you making the right decision?

As he pulled next to your parent's van you fixed yourself as much as you could.

"Darling, what took you so long?" Pascale walked towards you to help with the bags.

"Sorry, I found an old friend and caught up talking" You excused yourself before Charle could say anything.

As the boys helped with setting the table and bringing in more wood for the fireplace, you couldn't help to notice how good was the relationship between your dad and the Leclerc boys, he had turned into their father figure and it filled your heart, you knew this kind of relationship between your dad and any other guy in your life was going to be impossible. Tears started forming in your eyes again.

"All done" you said setting the last couple of cookies on the cooling rack "I'm going to get dressed" You quickly removed the apron and rushed upstairs before anyone could notice your watery eyes.

As you walked inside the bedroom you saw a small red box on the bed, you took it and opened it slowly to find a beautiful gold tuberose necklace and a handwritten note inside.

"I've had this for years and I finally got the chance to give it to you, I remember that night you called our love a "Tuberose love" because it seemed it only bloomed hidden in the dark, but this is a gold tuberose, it can bloom day or night, as long as it's around your neck.

I love you, always,

Charles"

You cried and held the beautiful necklace in your hand.

You showered and got ready, you looked at yourself in the mirror, the red dress looked better than you ever imagined, maybe that Ferrari red wasn't a bad idea after all, maybe that color could grow on you again. You got the necklace around your neck, the gold piece shining perfectly over the fabric.

"Come on kids, it's time" Your dad yelled from downstairs, you took a last deep breath and walked down to meet everyone.

Charles' eyes lit up as soon as he saw you enter the dining room, his sight focused on the gold detail hanging from your neck and he couldn't help to smile, he pulled the chair by his side and gestured you to take a seat next to him.

You sat by his side as everyone else took their places, he looked around and you took his hand under the table, he turned to look at you and you noticed his eyes were red as if he was about to cry.

"All good?" you whispered worried

"Never been better" he smiled and gave your hand a little squeeze.

You had dinner, the best Christmas dinner to date.

It was close to 3 am when the parents decided it had been enough for them and left for bed, Lorenzo and Arthur went to get some more wood and Charles took the chance to sit next to you on the living room floor, putting a blanket over your bodies as he placed his arm around your shoulders.

"Thanks" you said taking the necklace and looking at it.

"You're welcome, I'm glad you liked it" He kissed your hair.

"I love it... not as much as I love you, tho" You finally said, his face turned fast to look at you as you turned to look at him.

"So... you...uhm" He stutter

"Did I just make Charles Leclerc stutter?" you smiled teasingly.

"Shut up" he said as he took your face and pulled you in for a kiss, that kiss you had waited for so long.

"What the hell?" Arthur yelled as he dropped the logs on the living room floor.

"Well, this time it can't be a secret, this one can't keep his mouth shut" Said Lorenzo leaving the logs next to the fireplace.

"This time? why am I always the last one to find this shit out!?, You have a lot of explaining to do" Said Arthur inquisitively as he sat across from you.

Tag List: @wtrmlnsgr94, @ricsaigaslec

[ezziefox]

The Reason Why I Can't Move On in Writing + more depressing thoughts

I think I just realized why it's so hard for me to surpass three or four chapters max when I begin to write my new books, or why I always find myself taking a break and taking forever to get back to it, and when I do, the momentum that might've never been there in the first place is lost and I don't know where to pick back up in my WIP.

I recently became more and more aware of how much time I spend on social media. But that's not the big issue I'm talking about here. It's my attention span and my anxiety.

Addressing the Anxiety

There are a lot of things in my life that I get anxiety about, and it largely comes into play whenever I'm writing in my free time. As I still attend high school, I don't get much free time, but even in my free time I fret about how much time I have. Because when I write, I love to get lost in it, listening to my music and all. But, as a person who has a strong hatred for my school especially and nothing can ever fix that hatred (the pandemic ruined everything for me in that regards), every time I open Word or some other app to begin my writing, instead of thinking about getting lost in my work and getting in the moment and writing seamlessly like I did when I first discovered Wattpad back in the summer of 2020, I instead focus on how much time I have to write what I want to.

And because of this constant timer and thought in the back of my head, instead of getting lost in what I love to do, I am instead constantly fearful and anxious of my time running out before I have to go to bed to return to the very place that depresses and maddens me to my core. And I have nothing nor no one to blame but my own mental health. But I still can never find myself liking school to at least make myself feel better. I wish I could attend a different school, even in a different country. I really wish I could have a restart so that I can have an open mind and freeer mind to continue doing what I love.

And in times when I get endless time like I've never before like summer, that idea of endless time and "soon I'll be able to do what I want to do with no push or setbacks" quickly dries up and goes out the door. Especially when my trip is close to ending, all I can ever really think about is how much time I have left. I'd rather spend it procrastinating and "having fun" whilst still realizing that it will come to an end, rather than get lost in my writing and when I shut the computer and look up, it's time for all fun to end — the free paper is burned.

I genuinely don't know how I'm going to get through this part without a complete mind reset and change of environment. As it goes for the mind reset part, my mind will never change. Not without a significant change in my life. And I hate that. But my mind refuses to be unstuck from the place it is in now.

As for...

Addressing My Short Attention Span

Because of the aforementioned anxiety with time I addressed, I've begun to consume my media (entertainment & procrastination) in short form so that it feels like I've gotten in so much fun in such a short time that I feel satisfied. How to explain this in simpler terms?.... Well.... I'm constantly fearful and anxious of my free time ending that I convince myself it's been longer than it's truly been by watching short-form content such as YT shorts, Instagram reels, and when I watch actual full-length videos, instead of watching completely through the video, I simply listen to it for a short while, and to get the gist of it and thoughts on it, I read through the comments while watching as little of it as I need to before I quickly lose interest and go find a different video to watch.

Tonight, as I write this to save it as a draft to post tomorrow, I've been trying to fix my attention span by sitting through some of the old content I used to watch, that being documentary-type videos. It's been going well so far. I've sat through all the videos and seldom went to the comment section. I didn't skip through any of them or anything like that. However, I did stop in the middle of one video to come and write this right now. I knew I could've waited until tomorrow, but I feared I wouldn't have been able too convey the emotions of realization that I am feeling right now as well and explain it as well as I am feeling it.

——

I'm hoping that this truly is my issue, and that once I fix my attention span, I can at least get through writing more chapters, no matter how long it takes. I'm fully aware that especially once school starts back, so will the anxiety leeching itself onto me. But anything is better than nothing, right?

Sigh.

If you're just like me, or something like it, my advice to address and sort out your attention span. And if it's within your reach and capability, your anxiety too. It's these things that hold us back from accomplishing anything in life, and writing is something we wish to accomplish, so if you can, find a way to conquer them. Do what I currently can't.

All of this deeply saddens me. I don't know where to go next, if I even want to move, or what will find its way to me next. Needless to say, I don't have much hopes for the future, but at the same time I do.

I like to tell myself I always give up, and then I realize that I never truly do and it's always f*cking with me. Sometimes I wish I would just give up, because no matter how much I want things or desperately hope that some miracle will grant certain things in my life, I always end up f-cking myself over in the end. I am mentally f-cked and tired. No matter how many breaks I get, it never seems to be enough for me.

And I always want more. I get told I already have everything. It's just so much going on in my life from family, to friends, to my own mind that just constantly fucks me over and disregards me in every way. I don't want to drop any personal information regarding the people around me, so that's all I'm gonna say about that.

You know, today I realized that it's one thing: being a kid and never truly realizing how much something or someone in your life is mentally f-cking you over, versus growing older and you're only a teen and you realize it in real time as it's happening. Earlier I wished that I could just be the former: be a kid that doesn't realize the mental gravity and toll that's being taken on me as I have no one but my cousin in my life that truly understands me and went through the same experiences as me and it's mentally f_cked her too.

[crumbsssscookie]

Girl!Logan is everything! I love it so much!

Honestly I'm so excited for the Prema arc because Oscar will 100% be utterly besotted with Logan none the wiser! Poor Fred has to deal both of them. You know those videos the three of them filmed at Prema? Oscar would definitely have the biggest heart eyes! Those would definitely haunt him for years to come as everyone teases him.

Would Nico or Jensen spot the very obvious crush Oscar (and literally every other guy she races with) has on her? Do either of them call up Mark to tell him to control his driver and his lovesick eyes before they do the F1 world champ version of a shovel talk for their not daughter?

Logan that Prema season was super competitive fighting for the top spots, will you be changing who wins the championship this time around? Will she jump to F2 with Oscar after that season or stay in F3 one more year? I doubt with Nico and her PR manager she'd have the same funding issues as OG Logan, but it'd be really interesting to see that conflict and struggle. I mean, she's being on the rise sure, but some setbacks would be interesting to see how she reacts, you know?

Really love this story and super excited to see where you take Logan! 🩵

Ooookayy friend, buckle up, this is going to be a long ass answer 😅

Those Prema pandemic videos have a special place in my heart. I'm still not over Logan not getting what Fred means with "swimp" and beach boy looking like he's completely lost it when Oscar calls them prawns later (bc Logan was the only person in that room that in fact knew that there is a difference, you can't tell me otherwise), just god tier comedy 😭😭

Absolutely with you on the heart eyes bc although they aren't as close yet going into 2020, it is Loscar's first meeting since Logan was dropped off in this universe. And going from Oscar's perspective, the last version he knows of her is the friendly 17-year-old girl that loves to yap about her special interests and then he arrives at Prema and there is a full-blown woman standing in front of him. And then we go into the video shoot and it's all get to know each other questions and she gets every. Single. Answer. Correct.

But she does it so nonchalantly, because of course Logan remembers (that is her best friend from her past life after all) and Fred sits there entirely confused because he doesn't know his former teammates that well, so she has to like Oscar, right? And Oscar still has to close his mouth from having his brain shortcircuited, so the verdict on his feelings is clear. But nothing. Ever. HAPPENS!!!! At least not for a long while.

As for Nico and Jenson - oh, they definitely notice. Especially Nico. Been there, done that. Clocks that crush in an instant but finds it amusing, since again, been there, done that. And as long as it doesn't distract Logan, good luck have fun 😉 as soon as people start to get handsy with her tho, he'll be handing out the shovel talks like it's free candy (I'm looking you, Pierre & Charles 😒)

Now Jenson would take a while. That man is completely focussed on doting on his grid daughter, that he is completely out of the loop for a while. Because since Logan herself doesn't realize that people have crushes on her, there is no reason to discuss that topic with Jenson. That is, until Mark calls up Jenson pleading with him to have a talk with his driver, because he cannot take listening to Oscar swoon over Logan anymore. Cue Jenson hitting up Nico, if he was aware that a huge number of fellow drivers are crushing on their daughter and Nico revealing that he's intimidating people on the regular for the better part of their professional relationship.

Now onto the racing side of things: I don't want to spoil too much, but it's not sunshine and roses for Logan for the rest of her junior career. You hit the nail on the head with that she will have no funding issues this time around and move on to F2 alongside Oscar. Yeah, Logan has the experience of a 40 year old race car driver, but she hasn't grown into this body and this life just yet.

I toyed with the idea of changing who get's the F3 championship title but decided on Oscar because I feel that in their comparison (and I know it's very hard to hear) he's still the superior driver and will end up where he is right now while Logan still enters F1 with Williams. I never planned this fic with Logan winning it all. Changing one's gender doesn't magically make you a Schumacher or a Hamilton or a Verstappen, but it makes you more concientious about your approach.

Sorry, if that got a little too real at the end 😅 It's just bonkers to me how much fem!Logan has grown close to my heart over the last few weeks and that this fic exists just because I had to air out my grievances with JV and Williams.

[havenmoon1369]

It's Personal- Chapter 1

November 23, 2023- Tennessee

It's Thanksgiving day at Drew's house. A lot has happened in five years but all for the better, he was in the kitchen helping his wife cook the fixings for their turkey dinner and reminiscing the things that happened over the past five years. He met his wife Amber when she started working for the WWE as a hairstylist in 2019. It was the old cliché of love at first sight, they began dating and a few months later Drew introduced Quinn to her. Quinn and Amber immediately took a liking to each other since they bonded over art and video games, and it was nice having a woman around since Quinn's real mother took off when she was nine years old. Drew knew immediately after he was going to marry Amber. He proposed to her Christmas day 2019 and she said yes. Soon after Drew became WWE champion at Wrestlemania but couldn't celebrate properly due to the pandemic shutting everything down and no fans were in attendance. He was happy to celebrate the win with Amber and Quinn however, and they celebrated every time he defended and won his championship matches. Amber and Drew tied the knot in October 2021, they wanted to get married sooner but decided to wait until things with the pandemic and their careers calmed down a bit. Quinn was changing a lot during these years. Her interests in art became something she wanted to pursue in life outside of school and she was an amazing drawer. She won many contests in school and in the state. She decided in high school she wanted to be a tattoo artist and took all the art classes she could. Drew was so proud of how far she had come since the traumatic year of 2018, she had her anxiety under control, her nightmares were few and far between, and she was looking to a brighter future. In 2022, things slowed a lot for Drew, he was mid-carded for awhile until he got a chance to fight for the championship in Wales at Clash At The Castle, he was so happy because he could wrestle in front of his family who came from Scotland and win, but it didn't turn out that way. He lost the match due to interference and he was mid-carded once again and stayed that way all the way through to middle 2023. In that time though Quinn turned 18 and graduated high school, she chose to go to the university close to home to study Art and begin looking into tattoo apprenticeships once she had a good drawing portfolio made, Drew and Amber were so proud and excited for her. Drew got another championship match at Crown Jewel but failed to win it again, and he began to turn heel not long after leading up to Survivor Series. 

"Honey, you okay? You seem distracted." Amber asked Drew, "Oh just got a lot on my mind right now with Survivor Series this weekend and Christmas right around the corner." Drew assured her. "Speaking of Christmas, any news if your family is coming from Scotland?" Amber asked, "No unfortunately not, there's just too much going on right now. I really hate that they can't come though, we haven't seen them since Clash At The Castle, but I'm glad they'll be here for Wrestlemania, always thinking positive nowadays" Drew said as he went to kiss Amber. Just then they heard the front door open "Mom! Dad! I'm home!" Quinn yelled out, "In the kitchen!" Drew answered back, she walked in there and hugged them both. "Smells good,  when do we eat?" Quinn asked, "In about an hour, Stephen and Erin are joining us this year" Drew said, "How's uncle Stephen doing? Any news when he'll be back to wrestling?" Quinn asked, "No news yet, neck problems you always have to be careful with, you think you're doing good and then one wrong move you're in worse shape than before" Drew said. "You don't think he's going to retire do you?" Amber asked, "Stephen? No! That Irish brute will wrestle until his limbs come off" Drew said laughing, everyone else laughed as well. "Well I'll be up in my room, let me know when it's time to eat" Quinn said. "Hang on Quinn, you are coming with us to Survivor Series this weekend yeah?" Drew asked, "Yeah as long as I get to say hi to Rhea." Quinn said with a big smirk on her face, "Mhhhmm, of course." Drew said sarcastically as Quinn went upstairs to her room. "Leave her alone Drew, she's got her favorite wrestlers who aren't her dad or her uncle Stephen" Amber said hugging Drew from behind, "Now she likes Damien Priest, Rhea Ripley, Seth Rollins, and Jey Uso. Time flies when you're not looking, she's grown up on us" Drew said turning to hug his wife. "Pretty soon you'll be walking her down the aisle and we'll be grandparents" Amber said jokingly "I'm not ready for that yet, besides I don't think she has a boyfriend" Drew answered, "You never know!" Amber said with a sarcastic tone in her voice, "What's that supposed to mean?" Drew asked intrigued", "Oh Drew I'm just joking, now let's watch some TV and relax before dinner okay?" Amber said, pulling Drew into the living room. While sitting there waiting for Stephen and Erin to arrive, Drew was lost in his thoughts again, but he was thinking about how everything was going smoothly with his career and how the future looked clear for him to eventually become world champion again. Nothing was going to get in his way, or so he thought. 

November 25, 2023- Survivor Series

Quinn was in the crowd watching the matches while Amber and Drew were backstage. Amber was working, doing everyone's hair while Drew was warming up for the match. Once Amber was done she went out and joined Quinn and waited for Drew's match. He was wrestling with The Judgment Day in a Wargames match. Usually she would give Drew a good luck kiss before his matches but he had been called into a meeting with a bunch of other wrestlers tonight. Drew came out and was put into a cage with other members of The Judgment Day and they would be let out every so often to go into the match. Once it was Drew's turn, he stormed the ring and began the fight but Quinn and Amber noticed he was a little bit more angry than usual. "What's up with dad? It looks like he's gonna have steam coming out of his ears any minute" Quinn asked her mom, "I don't know honey but I didn't get to see him before coming out here, maybe he's just overplaying it a bit" Amber said trying to reassure Quinn. They continued to watch the match until Drew and The Judgment Day lost, not long after Drew left very angrily without even catching a glimpse at his wife and daughter, just then the referee came over to Amber and Quinn and told them Drew wanted them to go backstage immediately, they both knew then something was really wrong. 

Amber and Quinn made their way to the locker rooms and saw Drew coming out in a hoodie and shorts over his wrestling tights. "Baby what's going on, the referee told us to come back here and you looked pretty pissed off in the ring" Amber asked, "We're leaving right now, I'm not sticking around" Drew said in his deep angry voice, "Dad what's wrong?" Quinn asked but before he could answer they all heard a familiar theme song playing and the crowd going crazy. It was CM Punk's theme, he had returned.

[planetkiimchi]

celebrating lunar new year | x.dj

chinese title: 过年 (guò nián). read the chinese version here!

featuring: childhood friend!xiaojun x hendery’s younger sister!reader (all dialogue is in cantonese)

summary — xiao dejun completely lost contact with you, his first love, when he moved to korea to become a trainee. this year, he's back in china to receive an award, and he sends a red packet to you with your brother as a messenger, with a note inside telling you where to meet him. when you see him again, you realise nothing and everything has changed, all at once.

word count: 1556 words

author's note: happy lunar new year! this is my first time writing a piece in chinese (the piece was originally written in chinese and then translated to english), so if there are any weird grammar quirks please forgive me 🙏 wishing you good health and smooth sailing ahead! 🧧

note 2: also this was based off the tencent entertainment awards but i realised uhh hendery wasn’t there ?? it was winwin all along ?? anyway no way im changing this after writing it so pretend hendery was there instead of ww

if you liked it, REBLOG it.

The door creaks open, and you hear someone carefully locking it, and the sound of shoes shuffling on the floor. It's already midnight, how could there be guests coming over? you wonder. You get out of your bedroom, and see that the "guest" is, as a matter of fact, your beloved brother.

"You're finally home!" you cry out, collapsing into your older brother's arms in unspeakable happiness. Hendery has left China to be an idol for more than eight years now, and besides Lunar New Year, he's usually too busy with work to come home to visit. Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, the last time he came back to China was three years ago.

He rubs your back comfortingly, ruffling your hair. "Bet you weren't expecting me, huh?"

You nod. "Did you tell Ba and Ma that you were coming home? If they had known, they definitely would have insisted on fetching you from the airport."

Hendery smiles softly. "Yeah, I knew they'd do that, so I didn't tell them. I was planning to give them a surprise this time."

Watching his familiar expression, you find that you've missed your brother. You've missed his mischievous, laugh-inducing antics, and the times when he's nicer to you as well. You really wish he could stay a little longer.

"Actually..." Hendery hesitates for a bit, and you feel your heart plummet from the top floor of the building as you watch him anxiously. What on earth could have made him come home so suddenly, at such a late hour?

"Actually, I have to leave again quite early tomorrow morning. There's no way I can come with you to visit our relatives. I've been very busy with work lately, and this time, I'm in China to receive an award, not for a holiday. Tell Ba and Ma 'Happy New Year' for me, okay?"

You can't hide your disappointment, and a few tears silently roll down your cheeks.

"Okay," you say, nodding your head determinedly. Hendery has come home, this in itself is a good thing, you tell yourself. Don't cry!

Hendery hugs you tightly. "I'll sleep in the living room tonight. If you don't see me in the morning, you'll know I've left for work."

"Then... when will you come back again?"

"I don't know yet. But I promise I'll come back to visit you as soon as possible, alright?"

You raise your pinky finger. "Promise?"

He nods assuredly, hooking his pinky with yours. "Promise."

—

The next day, you wake up early on purpose. At 3.30 am in the morning, you blink the sleep away from your eyes, slowly sitting up in your bed. Your bedroom is as dark as ink, without a single sliver of light. You hear a sound coming from outside your door, informing you that your brother has just awoken as well. You quickly get dressed, getting out of your room.

Hendery doesn't dare to use the flashlight on his phone to shine light on his luggage as he rummages through it, clearly looking for something.

"What are you looking for?" you ask curiously.

"My toothbrush, of course! What else could I be looking for?"

You sigh in exasperation. "Men." You kneel down next to him, turning his shoulders towards the toilet as you suggest that he goes to change first. At the same time, you'll help him look for his toothbrush, and he can just use the toothpaste you have in your house.

"Sure." With this singular syllable, Hendery takes his clothes to the toilet to get changed.

You roll your eyes, and easily find Hendery’s toothbrush in his luggage. After he’s brushed his teeth, he runs his hand through his hair, smoothing it down. He’s packed his things and is ready to go when his eyes widen, having just remembered something.

“Oh, right, Dejun said to give you this.” Hendery hands you a red packet. “I told him not to, but he insisted, so I have no choice but to give you one as well.” He places yet another red packet on your palm.

“Okay. Please thank him for me.”

“Then… Wishing you good health and success. Take care of yourself, you hear me?”

“You too,” you tell him. It’s always been Hendery that doesn’t sleep enough, yet he’s always the one reminding you to take care of yourself whenever he sees you. Hendery doesn’t know how to take care of himself, but he cares for everyone else without fail.

Once he’s left, you impatiently open the red packet. But what interests you isn’t the sum of money inside it, rather, it’s the note that’s left inside the red packet. Seeing the neat, even script, you immediately recognise it as Dejun’s handwriting. Your name is written on one side of the paper, and there’s writing on the other side.

I’m finally back in China. Missed me? Hendery said he’d give this red packet to you, so I believe today should be the day we’re receiving a prize. I’d like to invite you to come. The address is written below. If anyone asks, probably my manager, tell him I was the one that invited you. See you soon!

You hesitate for a second, but the decision isn’t hard to make. There can’t be any unimaginable consequences, anyway, right?

—

You’ve never known what regret is. Your entire life is built upon decisions you’ve made by yourself, and your brother has always told you not to regret your choices. If you regret something that you’ve done before, then you shouldn’t have done it in the first place. You’ve lived by these words ever since he first said them to you.

But when you see Dejun again after all those years, you think you finally know what the word “regret” entails.

He’s taller than you, and he’s grown more muscular as well. Despite this, his resplendent smile and mellifluous voice hasn’t changed at all. Your name falls from his lips, full of questions, fear buried in the dulcet tones of his voice.

You freeze, staring at him blankly. When you’ve recovered, you smile tentatively, trying to dissipate the tension in the air. “Dejun-kor.”

“Happy New Year,” he offers.

“You too.”

“Long time no see, you’ve changed plenty.”

“Long time no see. You… haven’t changed one bit.” His cheeks flush at your words, eyes lighting up, and he takes two large steps towards you, enveloping you in a warm embrace.

Suddenly, you see Hendery’s silhouette. You push Dejun away, as if scalded by his touch.

“Little fool! What are you doing here?” You cast a frantic glance at Dejun, mouth opening and closing like a fish in water, but no sound escapes your lips. How should you explain this? 

“I asked her to come.” Dejun’s words turn Hendery’s attention from you to himself, and Hendery’s gaze turns from amused to stormy.

He roughly grabs Dejun by the collar. Dejun flails in his grasp, fighting to pry himself from Hendery’s strong grasp. “What are you doing? It’s not like that! I just invited to come watch our awards ceremony. I didn’t do anything to her!”

Hendery’s expression remains upset, steam billowing from his ears, but he lets go of Dejun. He doesn’t even look at you when he asks, “Is he telling the truth?”

“Yes. You shouldn’t make a racket here, there’re too many people around. Why don’t you talk it out without fighting?” You try to suggest.

Hendery takes a deep, long breath. He glares at Dejun, spitting out the words, “Fine. Go on, what were you trying to do?”

“I just wanted to see her again. She may be your sister, but she was—is—also my friend. Since none of us is spending the new year with our family, I wanted to at least spend it with someone aside from just ourselves. Is there anything wrong with me inviting her to come watch us?”

Hendery may be rash and hot-tempered, but he’s not unreasonable. He knows that what Dejun is saying makes sense, so he says nothing, storming off unhappily. Dejun turns towards you with a sheepish look on his face, about to apologise, when you cut him off.

You pat his shoulder comfortingly, saying, “It’s not your fault. Hendery’s just like that.” Before he can respond, you catch sight of Kun’s outstretched hand, and take it, introducing yourself.

“Sorry, we have to rush off. It’s almost our turn to go onstage. See you later!” He says, and you wave at their disappearing backs.

—

When you woke up that morning, you never would have thought that today would go the way that it went. You were so grateful that you were able to meet Xiaojun and Kun, not to mention being able to have a reunion dinner with them. Sitting in front of that table, watching them crack unintentional jokes as they happily ate their food, you found that you enjoyed it very much.

Kun was the first to stand and say goodbye to you, followed by your brother. Dejun was last, holding you close to him as he whispered in your ear. “When I saw that you had come, I felt indescribably happy. If there’s ever a chance, I’d really like to spend another Lunar New Year with you.”

His words rendered you speechless, unable to do anything but tightly hug him, whispering “thank you” over and over again.

if you liked it, REBLOG it.

[irrolyphant]

Timothy Olyphant, 55, is an actor who starred in Deadwood, Live Free or Die Hard, and Justified. He will star in the FX miniseries Justified: City Primeval this fall and currently co-stars in the Max miniseries Full Circle. He spoke with Marc Myers before the actors strike.

TIMOTHY:

You couldn’t get me out of the pool when I was a kid. We lived next door to a swim and racket club in Modesto, Calif.

I began regular swim practice at age 6. My older brother, Andy, took to tennis, which probably helped us get along. We were competitive. Our younger brother, Matt, did a little bit of everything and eventually became a water-polo player.

I was born in Hawaii, but we moved to Modesto when I was 3. My dad, Bevan, worked for Del Monte and left to work at E&J Gallo Winery soon after we relocated to California. He started in bottling and worked his way up to vice president of production.

My mom, Katherine, was a full-time mom. She was the nurturing type. Whether I won or lost, she’d always talk about how well I competed or how beautiful a swimmer I was, never about whether I won or not. She’s very sweet and encouraging.

Just as I was starting high school, my parents divorced. After they split up, we quickly figured out who was responsible for what. For example, our dad didn’t really know how to do laundry or cook. If we were going over to his place, we’d probably be eating out.

When you’re young, any time your foundation gets rocked, it sets you back a bit. I’d been a good student when my parents were together, but there definitely was a dip after the divorce. I kind of saw what I could get away with and wound up just an okay student.

I wasn’t in school plays. I’m not sure I saw that side of me yet. Instead, I was at swim practice and hanging with my buddies. I also liked to draw a lot, which I suppose is how I expressed myself.

I was a solid swimmer in the Central Valley. I set a CIF SAC-Joaquin Section Record and wound up with an All America Swimming Certificate. By my senior year, I realized swimming was my ticket out of town and certainly the only way I’d get into a great university.

I worked hard. After USC saw the times I was posting, they called to recruit me for the team. When I flew out to USC on my recruit trip, I met with the dean of the architecture school. He said there was no way I could manage both the swim team’s practice schedule and the rigors of the architectural program.

I asked him about the art gallery downstairs. He said it was part of the fine-arts department. I didn’t even know you could get a degree in that. I met with the fine-arts dean and asked if I could be on the swim team. He said we’d work it out.

Majoring in fine arts for me was like winning the lottery. In high school, I’d get in trouble for drawing when I was supposed to be doing schoolwork. Now, in college, drawing was my schoolwork.

After my senior year, I left USC several electives shy of a degree and didn’t finish until the pandemic. But before I left, I met some drama majors who got me thinking about acting.

By then, my college girlfriend, Alexis, and I had married. We moved to Seal Beach, south of Los Angeles, where I coached swimming. To fulfill some of my electives I took an acting 101 class at UC Irvine. I had a ball. It was a language I understood immediately.

I read Stanislavsky’s and Sandy Meisner’s books on acting. I realized that it wasn’t a frivolous pursuit but a craft on par with how artists I admired approached painting and sculpture. I told Alexis I was thinking about pursuing acting rather than a master’s in fine art. She said, “Tim, just do something. Just pick one thing and do that.”

The guy who taught the intro class was a graduate student who recommended I study with Bill Esper at the Esper Studio in New York. Fortunately, Alexis’s dad lived there and let us move into his place.

My career has been many little steps—a lot of one step forward, two steps back. I’m not sure if there was any one role that really changed things, but landing the lead in “Justified,” in 2010, certainly helped things along.

Today, Alexis and I live in Los Angeles and have three grown kids. We moved in 15 years ago and love the house and neighborhood. I still draw and swim.

Breakfast is my favorite meal. I make steel-cut oatmeal in my rice cooker, which has a porridge setting. When I come home from swimming and have my oatmeal, I feel like I’m 8 again. And you know what? That feels pretty good.

—————

Timothy’s Digs:

Full Circle? I play Derek in the miniseries about a kidnapping gone awry and the family secrets exposed.

Blissful space? Sitting in a blue chair in the kitchen having coffee with my wife.

Cool buy? A painting by an artist I’ve admired for at least a decade or so.

Tennis? I play with my brother and oldest daughter. The fact that they play with me means the world.

Youngest daughter? Vivian. She’s an actress in the coming season of Justified: City Primeval.

[welcome-to-green-hills]

I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THIS CHALLENGE-

The Movie Series means so much to me. I've been a Sonic fan for more than 10 years. It's one of my personal favorite franchises but in the last couple of years in the 2010s, it was hard for me to enjoy literally anything if no body likes anything. Unfortunately it's still like that, but back then, it was BAD.

Then the first news for the first movie came to public and despite everyone's worries, I was EXCITED AS FUCK for the movie. I never even heard of Ben Schwartz until I heard he was gonna voice Sonic and the instant I looked up a clip from DuckTales and Rise of the TMNT, I fell in LOVE with his voice and his outstanding voice acting. (That dude is responsible for me becoming a fan of DuckTales, TMNT, Randy Cunningham, etc.)

The first trailer, the manhog one, kind of made the Sonic fandom a laughing stock for months. I honestly didn't think his design was that bad (Before I saw the redesign anyway lol) but I was excited for the movie regardless.

But DUDE... Nothing could ever make me fall in love with the franchise again, let alone replace a favorite version of Sonic of mine, than finally seeing Sonic Wachowski's new look. I never squealed so hard on my life.

Seeing the movie at theaters meant a lot because it was the first time I've ever been to a real movie theater since I was 2 or 3. I was nervous because of my sensory, but it won't stop me from watching the Blue Devil on screen. (My dad got me some noise cancelling headphones but they didn't even fit me that well so I just watched movie 1 and 2 without them and it surely was an experience. It wasn't until he got me much better sports professional ones when we went to see the Mario Movie on IMAX. Nice save dad. XD)

For a long time, I watched this movie every single day the moment I got it on Steelbook. I just love everything about it. How relatable it is, the dynamics between characters, the FX and CGI, the acting/voice acting from everyone, the story, everything.

This movie holds a special place in my heart, including Finding Nemo and Lilo and Stitch because they all have thing in common: found family.

Blue precious characters feeling lost in a big world finally finding something they found home, and said home loves them back. 💕

But I never realized how much of this version of Sonic mean to me until the second film came out. I think it changed my life forever. XD

...Actually, yeah, no, I DID changed my life. That wasn't even a joke.

Everything I loved about the first movie got doubled in the second movie. Every second on screen was a joy to watch. Especially the entirety of the third act. Besides the Rise of the TMNT movie, this is one of my favorite Ben Schwartz performances. He knocked it out of the park.

The second film helped me through a lot since post-pandemic. I mean the Sonic franchise alone helped me a lot, but the Movie Series especially. (I call it the Movie Series because it's more than just the movies.)

The Knuckles show was great. It wasn't what I was expecting but I had a lot of fun watching it. I kind of wasn't expecting some Whipple family drama involving Wade's dad since that side-plot was similar to what I'm going through. (Though the difference between Wade's dad and MY dad is that mine really cares about us and we're still getting along. XD)

People have the right to feel however they wanna feel towards anything, but no one's feelings on anything can be the same as mine.

I love the Movie Series so much. It helped me through tough times and it helped me get back in the fandom fully. I am planning on getting AO3 sometime around summer, and I'll be writing a lot. (Hopefully lol)

The Blueberry Muffin is super important to me. There is no other Sonic like him. I thank the whole Movie Series for helping me throughout this decade, and Sonic Wachowski for not making me feel alone. (Including you, Mystery.)

Ohhh❤️🥹❤️

Thank you for sharing this with me. And thank you for feeling comfortable and happy enough to share this with me.

[breelandwalker]

hello, nos da! hoping you can advise a pagan polytheist (Brythonic pantheon) who sometimes does light folk spellwork (not a witch), having trouble reconnecting with the Gods and with practice? post-pandemic as well as a difficult change of residence/employment, I've lost touch with altarwork, divining (Ogham runes) and offerings. I feel stuck and guilty about it. Even though I now live in my divinity homeland, it feels hard. Advice gratefully received and appreciated, tysm and happy sunday!

Good day to you, friend! I'm happy to help and I've written a few posts on these very topics in the past. While my specialty IS witchcraft, I think the advice can be applied to non-witching pagan practice as well.

Feeling "stuck" or lacking in inspiration or motivation to continue with one's practice and projects is a common problem. From what I've been able to ascertain, it's something that affects all creatives at some point, not just witches and pagans. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that it affects academics and scholars as well.

And it's nothing to be ashamed of and it's not a personal failing. It's just Life Getting In The Way. Sometimes we need to take time to address practical issues, personal wellbeing, career matters, or the needs of our loved ones.

The following posts (and one podcast episode) deal with everything from connecting (and reconnecting) with our chosen deities to getting out of a rut to rediscovering that creative spark when it's gone dormant.

How Do I Contact A Deity?

How Do I Worship My Deity If I Can't Have An Altar?

Tips On Working With Deities And Spirits (here be upg)

My Intuitive Spark Feels Low - How Do I Get It Back?

I'm In A Slump - How Do I Get Out Of It?

I've Reached A Stopping Point - What Do I Do Next?

Hex Positive podcast, Ep. 27 - When Inspo Takes A Holiday (March 2022)

Hope this helps!

(If anyone would like more tips on growing and maintaining your practice, there's a General Advice masterpost here and plenty more in the tags below.)