#as well as books i dislike and am indifferent to in both

[bluedalahorse]

As someone who is currently getting a degree in writing YA (and children’s) literature, why are there so many people on the internet who throw around the term “YA fiction” without actually knowing what YA fiction actually is?

[bethanydelleman]

Northanger Abbey Readthrough, Ch 1

Welcome to the Northanger Abbey Readthrough, October 2023! I will be posting one chapter per day, which will take us right to Halloween. This readthrough does contain spoilers, because I can't help myself.

We begin with the advertisement from the author, who is clearly annoyed that her first novel was purchased and then not published.

That any bookseller should think it worth-while to purchase what he did not think it worth-while to publish seems extraordinary.

While Jane Austen notes that books have changed, by which I assume she means the popularity of some of the novels referenced, I am pleased to inform you that Anthony Trollope mentioned Mrs. Radcliff and The Mysteries of Udolpho in his 1987 novel, Barchester Towers! Even the veil! So clearly the novels she was satirizing had not yet gone out of style.

On to the story! Catherine Morland is so very normal. The most normal girl ever. She also isn't an orphan, both her parents are living which the narrator points out is very hard for a heroine (lol). She doesn't really like lessons and she likes running around and rolling down hills.

She never could learn or understand anything before she was taught; and sometimes not even then, for she was often inattentive, and occasionally stupid.

Catherine's indifference to flowers will come up later, but this line is also funny in a forbidden fruit way:

Indeed she had no taste for a garden; and if she gathered flowers at all, it was chiefly for the pleasure of mischief—at least so it was conjectured from her always preferring those which she was forbidden to take.

This is a great description of an older sibling (I like to think this describes me as an older sister):

very kind to the little ones, with few interruptions of tyranny

And her family is so good and normal too! Her mom seems to have some good parenting practices:

She learnt a year, and could not bear it; and Mrs. Morland, who did not insist on her daughters being accomplished in spite of incapacity or distaste, allowed her to leave off.

The Morland family seems like a strong contrast to the Bennets, both of them employing no governess. We learn that the Morlands are actively invested in their children's education (unlike the Bennets):

Writing and accounts she was taught by her father; French by her mother: her proficiency in either was not remarkable, and she shirked her lessons in both whenever she could.

And even though the older girls are left to "shift for themselves", Mrs. Morland, who is both poorer and has double the children, can be more easily excused for some neglect. She sounds like a slave to the children's education, unlike Mrs. Bennet!

Catherine, a tomboy, begins to become interested in more feminine pursuits, but she does not transform into a great beauty or an accomplished young lady. Her achievements are similar to those of the ordinary person:

So far her improvement was sufficient—and in many other points she came on exceedingly well; for though she could not write sonnets, she brought herself to read them; and though there seemed no chance of her throwing a whole party into raptures by a prelude on the pianoforte, of her own composition, she could listen to other people’s performance with very little fatigue.

Catherine is just the most relatable heroine ever! She's adequate. She's reasonably intelligent, passingly pretty, a true Every Woman. And really, the whole novel is full of so many small human moments that hit just as hard as the more dramatic ones from other novels (Lucy telling Elinor Edward is engaged to her, Louisa falling from the Cobb, Lydia's elopement) because they are things that might happen to anyone. Really wanting to see your crush and instead having to hang out with someone you dislike; not knowing if someone is angry at you or not; and finding out your friend isn't a real friend... Northanger Abbey somehow explores the most ordinary things without making them boring.

Also, while Catherine may seem unintelligent, the girl must have read a lot of Shakespeare, the quotes in this chapter come from Twelfth Night, Measure for Measure, and Othello. I reluctantly read 5 Shakespearean plays in high school, so Catherine is at about par with my education (I like Shakespeare now! I learned to appreciate him in university when I saw a few of the plays in person).

Catherine is also such a happy, bubbly, character. I can really imagine her being "all happiness" when her parents consent to her trip to Bath. We are told Emma Woodhouse has a happy disposition, but we don't see her dancing in her chair all the way home after a fun evening. Catherine really has joy and she comes back quickly from disappointment. She's a really great character to go on a journey with.

I feel like it must be noted, Catherine has to get away from her family to have an adventure because she has good parents. Good parents are exactly what you want to have, but as the narrator points out, they hardly make a good heroine! So the narrator is forced to remove our nascent heroine from her loving home into the dubious care of the Allens (and really they aren't that bad) for her story to begin. This contrasts again with the Bennets, who manage to supply a good deal of the story's conflict all on their own!

[elrielsgarden]

Some Thoughts abt Lucien

Lucien is a highly debated character in the ACOTAR fandom, because he presents highly likeable and intriguing characteristics, while also displaying some major red flags.

To begin this, I want to say that I, personally, am wholly indifferent toward Lucien. In terms of his character, I don’t have any kind of stake in him; as someone within the plot, I find him intriguing-particularly with the Band of Exiles and the mortal realms on the continent.

Though Lucien clearly dislikes Feyre and probably resents that the Spring Court’s supposed savior killed his friend, he does warm up to her and show a much bolder, flirtier personality that many in the fandom are drawn to. At this point in the story, he remains a likable character.

When we reach ACOMAF, Lucien becomes a bystander to Tamlin’s abuse of Feyre. His inaction is due to his loyalty (and life-debt) to Tamlin, quite understandably. However, Lucien is stil responsible for his behavior.

Further, when he find Feyre after “hunting” for her, he focuses entirely on his and Tamlin’s needs over Feyre’s own wellbeing, referring to her essentially as Tamlin’s property.

In ACOWAR, Lucien endeavors, seemingly in earnest, to make up for his mistakes. He chooses to travel with Feyre to the Night Court so that he can see Elain just once, to know if she’s “worth fighting for.” While at the Night Court, Lucien is Emissary to the human lands, where he develops a friendship with Queen Vassa and Jurian, forming the Band of Exiles. His loyalties, which never seemed to be with the Night Court, clearly shift to this friendship. He also shows a distinct lack of interest in Elain, as she does toward him. It is important to note that Feyre never seems to trust Lucien, including with Elain, his mate.

I’ve come to realize that the people who love Lucien have chosen to forgive him for his actions and inactions regarding Feyre; those who strongly dislike him have chosen not to. Both are valid, and likely based in the readers’ personalities and experiences.

However, it must be remembered: forgiving Lucien does not erase the things he did or didn’t do.

This is essential, because Lucien’s actions set up an understanding of his worldview and set a precedent for future actions. He has been show to think of females in some capacity as belonging to the male they’re in a relationship with or mated to.

He is also loyal, and what Feyre and Rhys don’t say in that conversation is that Lucien is loyal to a fault. We see this with his sometimes blind loyalty to Tamlin, and I think we will see it again. Lucien is not loyal to the Night Court. He went there with Feyre for one reason: his mate. Not because of Elain, but because she was his mate.

These character traits of Lucien’s as well as his actions within the ACOTAR books lead me to expect the trend to continue.

I would not be surprised if we see Lucien’s loyalty lead him to unintentional bad decisions. He’s not a bad or evil character by any means, but Lucien’s character is the kind that makes choices with good intent that don’t necessarily have the intended or desired outcome.

I should be clear: I do not think Lucien will intentionally betray the Inner Circle/Night Court to their enemies.

Do I think he might unintentionally do so because of his loyalties to the Band of Exiles? It seems a distinct possibility, yes.

[unmotivatedartistry]

Ask game but for your recent oc: 1, 4, 5, 6, and 18

WIESŁAW WRAITH SOKOŁOWSKI!!!!

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

I LOVE HIM not because I created him BUT: He's Polish first of all, he's one of those really closed off and distant people and he struggles so impossibly hard with empathy or compassion or being nice or just expressing himself without Indifference, Anger, Or Pushing People Away. But he learns how to be

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

CALL OF DUTY MODERN WARFARE 2. either the reboots or originals but I thhhhink I might make two mildly diff versions of him so I can fit him into BOTH worlds because. Why not? I actually made the silly OC guy for COD because. I don't know I wanted to make a COD oc so I did. But he can be separated outside of COD if we just say he went into a different section of the British Army after his discharge from the Polish Armed Forces

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

"From Underground" by Mook. I don't know why I started correlating him with the song aside from "Always looking outward / Always Looking Back" or "I'm unsure whose values / Am I living by" or "I say it regurgitated / But in my heart I know / I've accepted myself for less than I am" or "There's an animal waiting that must come out" or-- yeah you get it the song fits him.

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

WE'RE BOTH POLISH. AND we both were the kinda "academically gifted" kids but not really. Like that middleground between really smart kids and the regular kids.

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

I don't have any romantic relationships I think he'd be in (pretty sure he's aromantic without knowing it. He just isn't the type to love + he's traumatized like shit because I wanted to idk and he thinks he's incapable of loving someone else / is scared of it) BUT platonic ones; I think he'd be like a-brother-from-another-mother type thing with Ghost (from COD, obviously...) because they both share trauma and they just understand eachother like no one else and. They're just so similar they might as well be siblings. AND I think Wiesław would be very close with Price too because canonically (in my au of sorts where Wiesław exists) saved his life and got him into the TF141

[lothiriel84]

So They Went to Cromer

AU. Margaret has no living relations who might take care of her after her father's death, and Mr Thornton feels compelled to beg his mother to do so in his stead.

A North and South ficlet. Background John/Margaret.

“She cannot stay here, John. People are already talking, and you know well enough the mill would hardly survive a scandal of these proportions.” 

Her son merely scoffed at what he clearly perceived as a most trivial objection, and she knew from the stubborn set of his jaw that there was nothing she could say that would make him see reason. “The way matters are standing, I have very little hope as it is to keep in business much longer. Mr Hale was my friend, and I owe it to his memory to see to his daughter until alternative arrangements can be made for her comfort.” 

Hannah shook her head but relinquished any further attempt at persuasion, at least for the time being. Conscious of her duties towards her unwanted charge, she took herself upstairs to check on that girl. She found Miss Hale precisely where she had left her, her tea untouched as she sat very still with a book in her lap, lost in contemplation of the magnitude of her grief.  

“This will never do, Miss Hale,” she sighed, struck afresh by the unwelcome memory of those terrible days she had once spent in a daze of stupefied apathy, before her motherly instincts had finally spurred her into action. “We ought to find you some useful employment – you will feel better for it, I promise.” 

She saw a shadow of recognition flicker across the girl’s ashen features. “You are right, Mrs Thornton,” Miss Hale murmured as she stood with aching slowness, and put the book aside. “I would not be more of a burden than I already am.” 

.

If there was one thing Hannah felt sure of, it was that she quite disliked the seaside. So used had she become to being in charge of her son’s household, and helping with the running of the mill besides, that she found this state of forced unemployment quite unsustainable – and if it were not for John’s pleading entreaties that they removed to Cromer for the summer for his own peace of mind, she would not have hesitated to pack herself and Miss Hale on the first train to Milton.  

She knew her son was finding Miss Hale’s continued presence in his house exceedingly difficult, despite all his protestations that he was merely concerned for her wellbeing as the orphaned daughter of his late friend, and they could not very well leave the girl to fend off for herself without any friend or relation to protect her. Mr Bell had initially offered to care for Miss Hale, but it had rapidly become apparent that the indifferent state of his health would soon prevent him from undertaking any such a commitment; although some mention had been made in passing of a relation of Mr Hale’s settled somewhere in Spain, there was no question of removing Miss Hale from England until she had recovered sufficient strength to face the journey.  

Why Miss Hale’s mysterious lover had not come back to fetch her was something Mrs Thornton could scarcely account for; and while she would not think so badly of the girl as to suspect her of an illicit attachment, surely there had to be some serious impediment preventing the marriage.  

All her careful enquires in that direction had yielded nothing but a melancholy declaration on Miss Hale’s part that she knew now she would likely never marry; her relation in Spain would take good care of her, and in turn she would look after his children as if they were her own, and be content. 

.

“I cannot see why John does not offer for her and has done with it,” Fanny stage-whispered once her new husband had taken his leave of both ladies, and Miss Hale had wandered off to stare out to sea as had lately become her habit. “He thinks I do not know, but one ought to be blind not to realise he still cares for her.” 

“Your brother will not thank you for meddling in his private business,” Hannah swiftly reprimanded her, and if her tone was more cutting than she meant to employ, it had more to do with her growing suspicions about the state of Miss Hale’s heart than with her daughter’s more immediate transgression.  

“John is as much of a fool as Miss Hale is,” Fanny went on, undeterred. “It is not quite the thing, to provide for an unmarried young lady who is entirely unconnected to him – she cannot be blind to the impropriety of it, and yet, for all her pride, she does not object to it.” 

“You will not mention any of this before Miss Hale, Fanny, and that is all there is to it,” Hannah commanded in such a manner as brokered no objection. Her daughter pouted, shrugged, and launched herself into a detailed account of all the delicate attentions her dear Mr Watson had seen fit to bestow upon her over the entire course of their wedding trip.  

.

“It is my John, is it not?” Hannah demanded quite brusquely, her hand clasped around Miss Hale’s arm in a vice-like grip. “This man you always speak of with such regret, he’s none other than my son.” 

The girl met her penetrating stare with a pensive glance of her own; but it was only for a moment, then her eyes went back to the perpetual movement of the waves crashing onto the seashore. “It does not matter. I have very little doubt he will soon find someone better suited to him – and I wish him every joy of it, for there is scarcely any other man more deserving of such happiness than he is.” 

“Miss Hale, you do not know what you speak of,” Hannah shook her head in exasperation, the burden of a beloved son’s disappointment bearing down on her conscience like a millstone. “I know my son’s heart better than my own, and there is very little room in it but for the woman who once saw fit to reject him under no uncertain terms.” 

“He told me himself, that he no longer cares for me,” Miss Hale acknowledged in a small voice, her quiet composure wavering only for a moment. “So you see, Mrs Thornton, he is quite safe from me.” 

Mrs Thornton all but dismissed the notion with an imperious wave of her hand, and turned to face the girl more fully. “He will not offer for you again unless he is made aware of your changed opinion, Miss Hale. Indeed, he might not even then, because of the precarious state the mill is in – through no fault of his own, if I may add.” 

“If he thinks any such consideration would prevent me from accepting him, then he does not know me at all,” Miss Hale declared with unanticipated passion, her cheeks colouring as she instantly regretted her forwardness.  

Hannah regarded her for a long moment, and it was as if she was seeing the girl for the first time; then she nodded to herself, and accepting Miss Hale’s arm once more, they strolled back in a silence that was, if not companionable, at least no longer hostile on either part. 

.

John had come at last to fetch them back to Milton, and there was something so distracted about his manner his concerned mother could scarcely refrain herself from enquiring about it.  

“He was her brother,” her son uttered, as if in wonder, holding out a letter marked from Cadiz, Spain. “I have been such a fool, Mother, and now it is much too late.” 

“Nonsense,” Hannah declared with unmovable conviction. “She is right here, and unmarried still. I have been wrong before, but I know for a fact she would more than welcome your addresses now. All you need do is ask, son, and you shall be given.” 

“I cannot credit it, Mother,” he replied, slowly, and there was something exceedingly pained to his tone. “And even if by some miracle she has indeed come to care for me, how could I ever – she deserves so much better than to find herself tied to a failed mill Master, unable to provide for his own family in the manner any respectable man ought to.” 

“I have every faith in you, son,” Hannah proclaimed, placing both hands on his shoulders. “And so you should have faith in God’s own Providence, and the strength of a woman’s true devotion through many a shared adversity.” 

She saw his gaze drift, almost against his will, in the direction Miss Hale had walked off. “Her brother has a greater claim on her, you must see that.” 

“Go to her, son,” his mother entreated him once more, and when he finally did, she found her lips curling in the faintest suggestion of a smile.  

[shipcestuous]

Oh lol, that ask about hypocritical Daemyra shippers hit so hard, I couldn't help but cringe/laugh in sympathy. I'm so sorry if that happened in a fanspace you frequent, anon!! But it really reminded me of one of the reasons I don't interact much with HOTD fandom besides besides reblogging art and memes and discussing the show with a friend.

See, I like a lot of different ship in HOTD, and you'd be hard-pressed to find any I actually dislike even if I am indifferent to some. So it's especially weird to me when shipwars between Aemond/Alys and Aemond/Helaena fans turn from "Our ships is canon in the books!" "Well, our ship might still be canon in the show!" to declaring that Aemond/Alys would necessarily HAVE to be depicted as abusive on one side and bashing the brosis shippers as degenerate freaks for daring to ship incest in a show where the main canon ship is uncle/nice on the other. And then I've also seen at least a couple of Aemond/Alys fans take that even further by preemptively worrying that the greedy, nasty incest shippers will take their ship and make it all about Oedipal onesided Aemond/Alicent undertones... which, as much as I love both ships between troubled younger men and witchy older women AND momson ships, and as much as I am that rare breed of shipper who enjoys multiple interesting ships being connected together by one of the characters involved having a type or unrequieted feelings or other stuff like that, I could actually sympathize with because having fanworks and discussions for your ships overtaken by another ship you don't even like does suck. But again, why the weird focus on the incest angle in the show where THE MAIN CANON SHIP is uncle/niece?! XD

And that's not even mentioning the hate I've seen other people spew about, again, Aemond/Alicent AND Aegon/Alicent. "Something something why take genuinely fascinating parent/child relationships and "warp" them into incest," as I'm sure you can imagine. ... it actually reminds me of people crying out in outrage over slash ships, or even some friends-to-lovers het ships with dynamics that go beyond typical Hollywood ideas of romance. The assumption that adding a romantic or sexual element, even just in fanon rather than canon, will necessarily "ruin" a well-written, interesting relationship - rather than allow fans to explore it in new contexts and settings, appreciating its complexity and nuances while looking at them in a different light and through different means.

And then there's all the Modern AU Daemyra fics where they're not related... which may of course be entirely motivated by a simple wish to explore the dynamic between Daemon and Rhaenyra without the burden of legacy and the mess of family drama weighing on them, just enjoying their passion without additional complications. But it does make me chuckle in a vaguely exasperated way giving everything else...

Sorry for the rant. I'm not really mad about it, as I'm used to doing my things in my own little corner of fandom, but sometimes it does make me want to ask those people "you DO realize we are all watching the same Dragon Family Incest Show, RIGHT?!" XD

[x]

I hate to see fandom bringing out the worst in people when, in theory, it's not impossible for us all to just be having fun and enjoying our show. In theory, in a perfect world, we could all just ship and let ship.

What I really wish some people on tumblr would learn is just how to keep their mouth shut. Some thoughts you can just keep to yourself. Maybe the world would be a better place if you didn't say the thing. A lot of the hate I see just snowballs. One Aemond/Alys shipper says something negative about Helaemond, a Helaemond shipper remarks on it - this is just an example - then that remark gets traction, leading to someone saying something negative about Aemon and Alys, and now all of the sudden both ships are under attack and there's a ship war. If Person A had just not made that post, if Person B had just ignored what Person A had said, it might not have gotten ugly on such a big scale. Never underestimate the power of just ignoring.

And of course when you've got incest ships in the mix, the other side is going to come out in full force to condemn it. That might work in other fandoms, but this is ASOIAF, and this is the incest show. The incest shippers are not crazy.

The assumption that adding a romantic or sexual element, even just in fanon rather than canon, will necessarily "ruin" a well-written, interesting relationship - rather than allow fans to explore it in new contexts and settings, appreciating its complexity and nuances while looking at them in a different light and through different means.

THIS.

Like shipping something romantically is some eraser that comes along and erases everything that's unique and interesting about a relationship. Um, no.

It creates new layers!

Modern unrelated AU:

[lavellenchanted]

Oh, 4, 5 and 7 for the salty ask list!

4. Do you have a NoTP in your fandom? Are they a popular OTP?

I have a few NoTPs over the various fandoms I'm involved in and they're all reasonably popular - although I might dislike a ship when engaging with the source material it's usually only though over-exposure through fandom, or the fans being particularly grating, that tips it into NoTP material for me.

In recognition of the resurrection of the Great Shipping Wars of A:tLA and FF7 (which I had hoped to never seen again, but alas), I don't think it will surprise anyone who's followed my blog for a while to know I'm not a fan of either Kat/aang or Clo/ti for the reasons stated above.

5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?

Well, not in the sense of making me dislike something I already liked - I'm pretty set in my opinions and taste. Fandoms have, however, pushed me from relative indifference to active dislike of a pairing.

For example - and I kind of really am choosing violence here by admitting this, but ah well - I was kind of indifferent/at best positively neutral towards Katniss/Peeta when I read and watched the The Hunger Games in the sense of feeling they were cute and clearly where the narrative was headed but they didn't really grab me/make me want to seek out content for them.

However, repeated exposure to the absolute worst takes about Gale by THG fandom and especially with the recent renaissance, seeing any mildly positive post about Gale being prefaced with 'but I still think Katniss/Peeta are superior!' and refusal to engage with Peeta's flaws as a character has annoyed me into actually kind of disliking him and the ship and making it hard to re-engage with the books.

(I have a lot of opinions about THG and its fandom but I also have no desire to Engage in Discourse so this is about the only time I'm ever gonna say this lol)

7. Is there anything you used to like but can't stand now?

Hmm, I don't think so. As said, I'm fairly set in opinions and I don't tend to change my mind that much once I like something (although I will become more open to discussing flaws, I don't think I've ever started to properly dislike something).

I have become increasingly more annoyed with Grey's Anatomy and ASOIAF but I still engage with both of them so I can't say I can't stand them. I have also become increasingly frustrated and fatigued by the MCU but similarly I still like all the parts of it I always have, just engaging with it as a whole I find exhausting.

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

Hii, how are you? I'm fine.

Your matchup thing looks super fun and was wondering if I could get one for myself? It's fine if it's not lol just ignore it.

FANDOM: Bungou Stray Dogs and Genshin Impact.

PRONOUNS: She/Her.

NAME: Jane.

SEXUALITY: Pansexual.

ZODIAC/MBTI: Leo, ISTP.

APPEARANCE: I'm pretty tall for a girl - 5'9/175 cm - and I'm pale. Have black curly hair and brown eyes. I use glasses and have a lot of tattoos and piercings. I always wear black clothes and follow rock-ish style.

PERSONALITY: I'm a introvert, so I'm inclined to keep quiet. Regardless of that, I'm not shy and actually super blunt and sincere.

My good traits are that I'm calm, laid back and carefree. I'm not afraid to follow my heart, I am loyal, confident and brave.

My bad traits are that I'm a bit antisocial, indifferent and awkward. It's difficult for me talk to strangers and I avoid contact at all costs.

LIKES: I love cats, food and cold weather.

DISLIKES: I hate loud noises and strict people. I also dislike hot weather and sour foods

HOBBIES: I like going out and doing whatever - going shopping, go to a festival - I like doing things outdoors and I'm down for anything. I also like reading mangas and novels.

EXTRA: I think I'd like to be with someone like me - fun loving and adventurous, but a bit more open and talkative. Someone who would be willing to join me on adventures and be my best friend.

Hi Jane! Thank you for your request! Sorry it took a while. I hope you like your matchups!

In Bungo Stray Dogs, I match you with...

Ranpo matches your ideal partner pretty well. He’s fun loving and adventurous, as well as being talkative and open.

He would love going on little adventures with you. Whether that’s as simple as exploring the city or as complex as going on a city-wide treasure hunt, he just enjoys being in your company.

Since you don’t like sour foods, I’m guessing you don’t mind sweet food. If that’s the case, Ranpo’s sweet tooth is somehow getting even worse since he now has someone to share all those sweet treats with.

Loves reading with you. He doesn’t really mind what you’re reading. He’s as much of a fan of manga as he is of full length novels. He would like talking about what you’ve both been reading lately. It’s sort of like a mini book club.

I think Ranpo would also enjoy going shopping with you. He has an innate ability to sense which shops have good sales and which items of clothing would look best on you/match your style best.

In Genshin Impact, I match you with...

If Ranpo matches your ideal partner, Amber is the very definition of your ideal partner! She’s adventurous, fun loving, talkative, and one of the most open people in Teyvat.

She can be a bit loud sometimes but since she knows you don’t like loud noises, she’ll do her best to be a bit quieter around you.

But that doesn’t mean she’s going to talk any less. She loves talking to you about everything and nothing.

Amber would love going on dates to The Cat’s Tail. Whether or not you drink, the atmosphere there is nice and there are plenty of cute cats to keep you both company.

She loves going on adventures with you and there will always be something fun to do with Amber around. She knows all the best places to explore around Mondstadt.

She also loves festivals! There’s so much happening and so much good energy, how could she not enjoy them. She especially likes walking around them with you. Any food you like the look of, she’s getting two of; one for you and one for herself!

[meeedeee]

The First Post To The First Slash /Shipping Mailing List

The Date: October 19, 1992 ("it was almost 29 years ago") The Poster: sherrold* 

Context: the first pan fandom slash (shipping) mailing list, Virgule-L, was in its infancy. Safe spaces for women to talk about slash online were rare. And most fan fiction was distributed in print fanzines (which is why fanzine reviews like the one Sandy wrote were so important as a single fanzine cost $15-20 or around $30-40 in today's dollars.) Fan run conventions were the only way to meet other groups of fans and mailed letters and phone calls were the tenuous tethers that strung these fan groups together. The mailing list - and the Internet - was about to change...everything. ****************

Well, welcome to my adventure in mailing! I hope to have this set up soon as a 'real' mailing list, with it's own address. Until then, I only know one way for one of you to write to everyone at once. Just reply to a letter from the list, and answer yes, when it asks, 'reply to all'. So far there are 7 of us. I'll let everyone introduce themselves. I am Sandy Hereld,* I write as Alyx (often with a friend who used Alys) the pen name is *not* a secret. I started in "/" fandom in trek, moved to Pros, and now am very crazed about B7. I still love Pros, and like a lot of different fandoms, including Wiseguy, Starsky and Hutch, and Muncle. I helped run a slash con here in town last week, Virgule, and hope to make Escapade** this year (in February, in Santa Barbara--one of the list subscribers co- runs it--memberships still available), but not Revelcon.*** Maybe, if I get a new job, Media West. I've never been there, and I've always wanted to go. I just finished a great Multi-mediazine called Homosapiens Too. It has an interesting variety of fandoms and crossovers; even more important, there wasn't a single story that stunk (though I liked some better than others, of course.) Page count is Pros/Booker 18 pgs (Bodie/Booker) Eroica/Muncle 5 pgs (Eroica/Illya) Batman 4 (Batman/street punk) Nightflyers 6+ (cartoon, from the movie) TNG 5pgs (Beverly/symbiote) B7/TOS trek 5 pgs (Blake/Spock) Dangerous Liaisons 7 pgs (Valmont/Danceny) Damiano 2 pgs (from the R.A. McAvoy books) MUNCLE 2 pgs the usual Star Wars 4 (cartoon, original characters) Pros 4 pgs the usual B7 50 pgs (Blake/Avon) Perhaps I should mention at the there was a contest for most outrageous crossover pairing. My favorites were: The Right Place To Be (Bodie/Booker) by Arcane Annie & Stew--Bodie quits in a huff after an Operation Suzie, and is too embarrassed to go back; Booker has quit somewhat similarly. Seeing how stupid the other's foolish pride looks, they both learn things about playing roles and 'what really matters.' They also have pretty good sex. Do Blond's Really Have More Fun? (Eroica/Illya) by Barbara T. This definitely is set at a time when Solo and Kurykin are having some problems. The crossover is a fascinating one, and it works. (Anyone needing Erioca explained, just e-mail me. It is a pretty new/small fandom, but growing fast.) Brand New Day (Spock/Blake) by Jane Carnell follows immediately after Blake's pod makes planetfall after Star One. A great Blake, and if not a totally convincing Spock, it's close. Worth it for this scene alone. --Blake "What do you like?" "Anal penetration," "Which way round?" Blake inquired. "I am a telepath. It hardly matters. Whichever way pleases you." Valmont (Valmont/Danceny) by Stew -is a romantic, but very plausible retelling of the movie Dangerous Liaisons, all from Danceny's POV. For any that have read the book, you know it is told solely in letters and diary entries, so this collection of Danceny's diaries is very faithful to the original feel. It is also an amazingly concise retelling, squeezing 2 hours into 6 1/2 pgs. Submissive It Ain't (Pros) is basically just a sex story, but one firmly based in the very different personalities of Bodie and Doyle. Nice idea, beautiful sex, slightly weak ending. Puppeteer (Blake/Avon) by Bryn Lantry is a convoluted but beautiful story where: the action is in the emotions, everyone has multiple motives, and no one truly knows their own minds, much less understands their crewmates. A bit alternate, set sometime in the months before Star One but after Blake has already got the idea in mind, this is a wonderful character study of Blake and Avon, with Vila and Cally in strong supporting roles. Not my favorite type of story -- I think I prefer something a bit more straightforward, but undeniably compelling and well written. The other stories weren't dogs either... The Muncle story, Hanging In Time, by Y.J. is a very disturbing portrayal of the hurt-comfort syndrome in Illya, The Batman story will appeal to anyone who liked "The Dark Knight Returns" With All My Symbiotes -Susan Douglas- has some nice female slash. Why Couldn't It Be Me has gotten a certain amount of press as "Biblical slash." It does have two biblical characters in it, but it is just a vigniette, and has no overt slash content. A few caveats: I disliked the art in the first story, and was indifferent to the rest. I had a hard time reading the 2 cartoon sections; I thought the penning needed to be clearer, and the xerox needed to be darker for those sections. With those few quibbles in mind, I recommend the zine highly. It has an interesting collection of stories set in an amazing variety of universes. The editor is joining a growing number of publishers and putting the word count down -- 80,700, with 40,700 of it in Bryn's B7 story. It is available from Manacles Press here in the U.S. at  [address removed]. There is no U.S. price on the zine; it says to SASE Manacles Press, and I can't remember whether I paid $15 or $18 at the con. From Australia, it is available from the publisher...[address removed] $12 within Aust, $20 posted overseas airmail. (I assume that's $Aus)”

*Sandy passed away in July 2011 of cancer. One of our final joint projects was going  through our emails dating back 20+ years to find fandom history we could share

**Escapade is the longest running slash convention and is still held in Southern California (as of 2021)

*Revelcon is a slash friendly multi-fandom convention held in Texas. As of 2021 it is still running

[hattiewritesalot]

Hello! Could get a Marvel matchup (preferably X-Men)? My pronouns are she/her and either male or female preference is good.

𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗢𝗡𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗬: I have massive introverted tendencies and am awkward in nature with new people. As a result I can come across as aloof and indifferent at first. I’m usually too much in my head daydreaming and thinking. I absolutely despise small talk. However with my friends I’m quite friendly and outgoing. Whenever I’m with my friends I can get really giggly and dorky when talking abt my recent hyperfixations. I open up to people very easily if we have similar interests. I tend to either overthink everything or not think at all. I’m a bit of a control freak and want to do the things the way I do them but I won’t enforce this on anyone else unless the result directly affects me. Just let me do things the way I do them. I'm also quite dedicated and ambitious on what I want in my life and will stand by those decisions.

𝗜𝗡𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗘𝗦𝗧𝗦: New media art. I love to creative code. I love working with interaction design, web design, user experience and user interfaces. I also love creating special effects, and 3D/2d modeling. Apart from this, I love digital illustration and character design.

𝗛𝗢𝗕𝗕𝗜𝗘𝗦: let’s just say I spend way too much time daydreaming. Fan fiction, video games, movies, books, tv shows. Anything that lets me daydream and disappear from reality for a while is a hobby of mine. I also love working out and weight lifting.

LIKES: I love lazy weekends at home, classic arcades, coffee, learning random new facts, spending time alone, intelligence, creativity, a good sense of witty humor, conversations where you can just be yourself and skip all the awkward small talk, the look on people’s faces when they ramble abt the stuff they’re into, a good home cooked meal, summer and warm weather, a good giggling session with friends esp abt fictional crushes ahahha.

DISLIKES: physical touch (tho I do warm up to the people I’m close too), large crowds, cold weather, admitting my anxieties, talking on the phone, and small talk

Thank you! ❤️

Hiya! @danzalladaggers

I ship you with...

Alex Summers

I read your request in about 30 seconds and immediately I was just like 'Alex.'

I feel like you would get along really well

And I reckon you'd become pretty good friends before you even started dating.

He would love how much of a dork you are and would most likely share his interests with you

This boy would absolutely LOSE HIS MIND if you designed him a new suit via digital illustration

And lets be real, he would definitely stay up with you on some nights, just playing video games and watching tv. he loves it!

Also, training !!!!!

He would absolutely adore training with you, he just finds it so fun.

I also feel like he would read a lot, so he would definitely annotate a book and give it to you for your birthday.

just a warning, he probably can't cook

I mean

he can make a pop tart without it burning?? I suppose???

Alex thrives off of physical touch

He'd been made fun of and cast away for years because of the fact that he was a mutant, so it's really nice for him to know somebody cares

However

If you are not ready for physical touch, that's completely fine! Alex will respect your wishes no matter what

Charles most likely hates both of you /j

bc you're just constantly running around the mansion and cracking jokes with each other and staying up all night

the old man can't catch a break

justice for charles

But anyways, you love Alex, and Alex loves you, so everything's okay

Besides from his cooking

[ereborne]

Get to know me better!

Tag 10 people you want to get to know better

Thank you for the tag:  @soundsfaebutokay  Thank you, Abby!!  I hope you’re having fun with these!

Relationship status:  single

Favorite color(s):  I like really dark blues and greens

Favorite food:  spinach, which I know is controversial, I have heard.  But I love creamed spinach and spanakopita too much to change my answer

Song stuck in my head:  I said on the last one that the last song I played was “Stormy Weather”, and that’s because I’ve had Etta James songs playing in the back of my head since I woke up this morning.  At Last-Stormy Weather-Sunday Kind of Love back and forth all day.  All I Could Do Was Cry. 

Last thing you googled:  “Portuguese Water Dog”, but it turns out what I was actually thinking was ‘Chesapeake Bay Retriever’.  Not actually that similar as dogs, but the cadence fooled me

Time:  12:20 a.m.

Dream trip:  ah, this answer flips back and forth depending on how homesick I am, and whether I’m homesick for place or people.  I’d like to show my brothers the Painted Desert, but also I want to see my southern Appalachians again, and I really want to see my friends.  I’m thinking about SC today

Last thing you read:  I answered this one too thoroughly on the last post.  I just finished Artificial Condition, and I’m on to Rogue Protocol now

Last book you enjoyed reading:  instead of talking again about how much I love Murderbot (it’s a ton) or how distressed I am by not having all of edge of providence yet (also a ton) I’m gonna go back earlier this week and say Ruby Fever by Ilona Andrews and Got The Whole Damn Nation On Their Knees by @ialpiriel

Last book you hated reading:  oh man. I don’t want to list specifics or name names, but I had a friend pass me this--not a paranormal romance, right, because that to me implies a level of fun with the genre which this story adamantly refused to have.  so a contemporary romance, but within a magical realism setting, I suppose--and it was. joyless is too simple a word.  It was dreary. Dour. Not even pessimistic so much as apathetic to the point of pain. A book growing bedsores.  The leads were indifferent to one another at the beginning and hardly better by the end, with a brief estrangement caused by an even briefer argument in the middle.  The ‘resolution’ of their argument was a third party telling them it didn’t matter, at which point they both shrugged and conceded.  The most passionless nothing book I’ve ever read.  Its one saving grace was the existence of winged snakes within the world.  Not that we got to see one close up, so to speak, but they did exist.  1/10, point goes entirely to the bare concept of snakes with wings.

Favorite thing to cook/bake:  muffins!  I love muffins.  We’ve got a tub of melted ice cream in the fridge waiting for Nick to have time off so we can make abomination muffins, so that’ll probably happen next, but last week I made chocolate chunk banana muffins, and we recently got a jar of pandan spread, so probably the next real muffins I make will incorporate that somehow.  I think I’d mess up the lovely texture of it if I tried to do a filling, so maybe just vanilla-wheat muffins, and then we’ll split them and put the spread on while they’re warm

Favorite craft to do in your free time:  I’ve been whittling, sort of.  Wax, not wood, which is much easier on my knife (and hands) and means I can just melt all my misshapen lumps back together and start over once I finish

Most niche dislike:  bars/restaurants with bowls of peanuts everywhere.  I’m not the only person allergic to the stupid things, and anyway even for folks who aren’t poisoned by them and even folks who like them, doesn’t the constant smell-taste of them get into your other foods?  Is it not annoying?

Opinion on circuses:  I don’t know that I’ve ever actually been to one.  The well-run ones seem very cool, though, and I love ren faires, so probably I’d enjoy a circus

Do you have any sense of direction:  not inherently, but I can keep cardinal directions by looking at the sun, and I’m very good at retracing my steps, so I can sort of fake one

Tell us about your D&D character:  the most recent one I came up with is probably my witch with the little mimic familiar, but I haven’t gotten to play any in ages :(

Tag-list (you don’t need to do this if you don’t want it!):  this time I am gonna tag folks, mostly because I want to hear y’all talk about what you’ve been reading and such:  @lynne-monstr, @alwaysboth, @uswe, @datassdiaz, @agirlnamedhagrid, @zahnie, @sunkentowers, @ialpiriel, @irrigone, @angelrtsy95, @digsdigsdigs, @goingsparebutwithprecision this is getting very long, please everyone assume I would like to hear from you but also no worries if you don’t wanna

[damselofblueroses]

Bambi, Ch. 2, Ghost

You are my Bambi, girl, I am your candy, tell me what are you waiting for?

Summary: As an archaeologist who works on the Ancient Greece, you were on the verge of excavations’ session. While you have been preparing your team, you learned that your institute decided on your team has to work with another team as they wanted the outcome as a collaboration. The head of other team was your biggest rival, a scumbag in your eyes: Byun Baekhyun.

You two were supposed to work together for three months, in a Greek Island, Chios.

Could you manage to not kill Byun Baekhyun for three months?

Chapter Summary: Byun Baekhyun and the Reader remember the day they spent in UN Village together while they are heading to Chios. (Guys, this chapter, which is dedicated to the beginning of their relationship, is going to be two parts, otherwise it is going to be more than 20k lol)

Word Count: 11k

Content: AU, heavily Greek mythology, enemies to lovers.

Warnings: Well, the story contains NSFW/Smut, please minors do not continue.

Note: This story will be 7 or 8 chapters if I will not change my mind in the meantime. It is inspired by my major; however, I do not have a complete knowledge on archaeology, I am a historian. If I will make a technical mistake, please let me know. I am willing to receive any kind of feedback; you are more than welcomed to drop a message.

Series Masterlist

Chapter 2: Ghost

5 years ago, Hannam-dong

Even if I want you so much it drives me crazy

You ghost

Even if I want and call for you all night long

You came to me and left without a word

You ghost, you ghost

You want to go crazy all night, you plead

You ghost

You disappeared again without a trace

“What type of sadistic and sick person could say that we have to work here?” you cursed between your teeth, you jaw clenched because of pure anger. “How do they expect us to do our job in the middle of fucking super-ultra-rich people?”

“Get used to it.” Junmyeon flinched your forehead, but his frustration was oblivious, even though he was doing definitely better than you. “Where is Baekhyun?”

“I do not know.” you recklessly pointed to the expensive cars on the road. “Maybe he was looking for a sugar mommy.”

“As your sunbae,” Minseok hit you. “I would like to remind you to hold on your manners.”

“Someone has to give a speech on manners to him.” your eyebrows knitted together. “Not to me.”

“Both of you,” Kyungsoo nonchalantly spoke. “need a really good beaten session, since both of you have no idea on how to behave.”

You threw the book you were holding to Kyungsoo, but he was too quick and easily saved himself from your unexpected attack.

“I am here, right?” you hissed. “Where the heck is that bastard? He always disappears when it comes to work, why do you hold me in the same esteem with him?”

“Because you are definitely a copy of Baekhyun.” Chanyeol laughed at your god-fucking-damn-it-so-horrible face expression. “Let’s face with the fact, Indy. Everyone knows that Baekhyun is a disciplined student, just as you are, badmouthed, just as you are.”

“Are you talking about me?” Baekhyun popped out of nowhere. “I heard you are praising me less than the way I deserve.”

Your face could be described as disgusted, but this would be the kindest way of telling how your appearance was. Actually, you wanted to punch his narcissistic self-perspective, to shake his cage in order to give him the lesson he deserved, but you did not want to be scolded by Junmyeon again. You just walked away from him, needing to put a safe distance between yourself and Baekhyun.

God, if you could run away to space, you would do it in order to not infuse with the same air with Baekhyun.

You disliked him, you disliked the way of his well-being, you disliked his velvety voice, his lame jokes, his sharp remarks, you disliked everything about Byun Baekhyun.

And you hated yourself because of finding him very handsome. Sometimes, you caught yourself, staring at Baekhyun, forgetting how to breath properly. His face was like a gift of God himself; his body ratio made you to say oh-my-fucking-god.

Thank God, he had the most annoying character, because if he had a good personality, you knew that you would fall in love over the heels with him.

“What kind of idiot chained us here?” Baekhyun asked to Junmyeon. “Fuck’s sake, what the heck we are going to here? Digging beneath the Richie riches’ villas?”

Chanyeol bite his lips before looking at you, silently reminding your own words and his remarks about being very same with Baekhyun. You did not back off, staring at Chanyeol with all frustration went through your veins, causing Chanyeol to laugh. Baekhyun hit his head, then walked towards Junmyeon to take his own tool bag.

You hated him for this, too. He was acting like he was a superior, like he was better than any of you, and what got your nerves badly was no one scold him as they would scold you if you would do the same things.

“Yeah, I am like this scumbag who does not carry even his own stuff, huh?” you literally sizzled between your teeth, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo heard your annoyed voice, but they preferred to keep their silence. Your hate was not a secret for the team, everyone was aware of the fact that putting you and Baekhyun was a dangerous decision since he also loathed you.

But to your dismays, you were the brightest students Sejong could always play on.

“Seriously what we are going to do?” Baekhyun repeated his question because he really did not have a single clue.

“Didn’t you read the mail Sejong sent us?” Jongdae asked him, raising one eyebrow. Baekhyun shrugged his shoulder, you bit your lower lip in order keep your frustration under your control. What a bastard!

“We have to visit UN Village, there are seven neighbourhood where we have to go and collect the permissions of the residents.” Junmyeon run his hand through his hair. He was already on the verge of cracking since he was the one who had to deal with a lot of capricious upper-class members in order to complete this fucking task. He wished nothing but changing his path, he started to think like the field was not his cup of tea, but before resigning from leadership, he wanted to find a good candidate who could lead the team.

He wanted you to be that leader. You and Baekhyun. Heretofore, Junmyeon laid his eyes on both of you and your abilities persuaded him to nominate your names when he could propose an election. He did not want to be a fieldperson, he wished to stay in his office, but at the same time, he could not inherit his legacy, Godfuckingdamnit Junmyeon’s did his best in order to engrave his name as one of the most successful captains, to anyone but the best. Yet, Junmyeon had no idea how to put you in good terms, since you were like a cat and dog, and Chanyeol, that giant idiot, used every opportunity to fan the flames, even that silent Kyungsoo enjoyed watching intangible scuffles between you and Baekhyun.

Junmyeon has been sensing that the team was becoming aware of the situation and camping as two different poles. Jongdae, Shinhye and Minseok were setting off closer to you while Chanyeol, Kyungsoo and the newbie, Jongin have been shifting to Baekhyun’s side. Damn, Junmyeon could not let it to be happen. He needed all of you under the same umbrella, especially you and Baekhyun had to stay together. He was seeing a great potential of you, if you could combine your powers, you were going to be the perfect team. Period.

“Let’s split into teams.” his eyes wandered around all of you. “We are eight, if we can divide ourselves into four teams, we will finish the job easier and quicker.”

“Yeah, you are right.” Kyungsoo approved. “I am going to take Chanyeol.”

“Are you my superior, dumbass?” Chanyeol hit his shoulder, but he was laughing. “I am with Kyungsoo.”

“Good.” Junmyeon inhaled. “Shinhye, you are with Jongdae.”

You automatically stirred next to Minseok, however you shuttered after hearing Junmyeon’s next orders.

“Indy, you and Baekhyun are together, Minseok, let’s go.”

“What?!” you immediately stopped and hissed at Junmyeon. “Am I with who?”

Jongdae realized the storm before seeing the clouds, clever as always, he disappeared while dragging Shinhye with him. You even did not notice, but Chanyeol’s smile widened, Kyungsoo smirked, and they rushed to their own direction.

Only four of you were standing on the pavement, you were throwing daggers to Junmyeon with your eyes. Baekhyun was nonchalantly looking at Junmyeon, while Minseok could not find a way to break the tension.

Junmyeon was cool as a cucumber.

“You are with Baekhyun.” he repeated his words, sounding like he was condemning you with execution. “What? Do you have a rejection?”

“Yes!” you exploded without thinking. “Why shou-

“Believe me,” Baekhyun interrupted your words, he was indifferent to your frustration. “I did not beg for being in the same team with you.”

“Did I claim that?” you swiftly turned on your tiptoes. “Did I say you are eager to be with me?”

“It would be the greatest joke you could make.” Baekhyun winked to you. “But you are not so into the entertainment, right?”

“Baekhyun,” Minseok noisily cleared his throat. “I am not sur-

“What do you know about me?” you heard your own voice. “This is why we cannot work together, you always make assumptions out of your ass, instead I work as organized, with the facts and tangible proofs.”

“What do you know about me?” Baekhyun coldly smiled at you, you could not describe its impacts on you, that smile had you wanting to punch him at the same time ignited some fires in your lower stomach. “We barely talk, have you been watching me all the time?”

“You wish.” you took a deep breath. “You are not worth my time.”

“Oh,” his eyes glimmered with a menacing luminescence. “I am deeply wounded.”

“If you are done,” Junmyeon raised his hands to the air. “We have to work.”

“Jun-

“Young lady,” Baekhyun barged on. “They did not teach you this, so it’s up to me but we are not in kindergarten anymore.”

You had to admit, no one could get your nerves till now like Baekhyun did.

You had to admit, you hated being called as a kid. Junmyeon’s eyes blown up when Baekhyun labelled you as a kid, before he could open his mouth, you stared at Baekhyun.

“I can see why we could be a team.” you took the directional instructions from Junmyeon’s hand. “A kindergarten kid has to take care of a cry baby while the adults have to work.”

Baekhyun’s eyebrows furrowed, but you wholly ignored his visible annoyance, and started to walk. Junmyeon was looking at your back with a little bit concerned face, but he knew that he did what he had to do.

You were going to scold Junmyeon in the following hours of the day, however, now your job was teaching a couple of lessons on manners to this scumbag who has been walking beside you.

You spent the first hour in a total silence, talking only if the occasion called for it. The tension between you and Baekhyun was solid, someone could cut it with a knife without any problem. Baekhyun was bored to death, he never plan to have a day like this, he wanted to enjoy everything he did, he thought he could be with Chanyeol or Kyungsoo, having fun to death.

Instead, he was trapped with you.

The only girl he loathed to the bits.

He could not endure to hear your voice, even though you talked with the residents very kindly and respectfully. He had to admit that you were doing a good job, but it did not change anything he felt for you. He had been cursing Junmyeon since he put you two in the same task, however, he knew that if Junmyeon wanted something from Baekhyun, he would do it without question. Baekhyun could be many things, but he was loyal to his friends, and Junmyeon had a special place in his heart.

Also, behind the curtains of his hate, he could see why Junmyeon gave you to him. Although you were an abominable bitch, an obnoxious creature, a walking blasphemy, and a hate crime, Baekhyun did not think you could be an offspring of a lovely or healthy relationship, he was sure your parents were diabolical beasts, to his disappointment, you were reallyclever.

He wished you could be more reliable person, so he could work with you.

Baekhyun did not like to confess, yet he was aware of the fact that he desperately needed his own Evelyn O’Connor. Someone who could play the game with him, as his trustable partner in crime. He was extremely close to Chanyeol and Kyungsoo, but they were not equal to his wits and ambitions. Sometimes he was brassed off the conversations, time to time he found them boring and lame. His logic was faster than his mates, actually he was longing for nothing, but someone was equal to his high-speed brain.

You could be the one he was searching for, but you were made of poison, greed, and wickedness. Even if he would be blessed by the Heavens, he could not agree to work someone with you.

“Your Highness,” he heard your fucking voice. “We have to visit at least twelve houses more; do you mind hurrying up?”

“The only thing I mind is your fucking attitude.” he gritted his teeth. “Give the plan to me.”

“So, you can destroy everything I organized properly?” you smirked. “I do not think so.”

“Organized?” Baekhyun cocked his eyebrow. “Organized, my ass. Didn’t you lose Park Sangwan’s house? Twice?”

“Look who is talking.” the red of embarrassment slightly painted your cheeks and ears. “The one who had no idea about today’s plans.”

“At least I did not lose my fucking way and circled around the same house almost for half an hour.”

“And the award goes to Byun Baekhyun for his greatest achievements.” you gave back the wink to him, grinning like a Cheshire cat. “Oh, breaking news. No achievement no award.”

Baekhyun took it personally since you two competed to each other as the finalists of last academic year. Your project was accepted as the winner while Baekhyun received only a certificate. You hit the lotto, he had to watch you, walking to the stage with a bright smile tugged on your lips.

Still, he could vividly remember the little smirk you gave to him that night when they announced your name.

“You did it consciously.” his jaw clenched. “That night. When they called you as the winner. You immediately turned to me just to annoy me.”

“It seems, I achieve my goal.” your smirk widened, a glistening layer of fun covered your face. “Were you disappointed?”

“Yeah, of course.” he did not miss a single second. “I was disappointed of the professors, I was believing they were cleverer than me, but their choice showed me they were nothing but idiots.”

“Could you smell the air, Baekhyun?” you asked with a serious face. He was confused for a second, you never ask a question to him or call him by his name, but before he could register, you tucked the words in his throat. “Oh, jealousy, my favourite.”

“Darling,” Baekhyun swallowed hard. “There is no single living soul who can be low enough to jealous you in this universe.”

That was not quite truth, because Baekhyun not only remembered your revengeful smile but also how you were looking like that day. He could paint you on canvas by closed eyes, and he would not miss a single detail.

And he was a little bit jealous on that day. Not only because he lost over to you, but also because of the people around you. You annoyed him not only with your award, but also with your closeness to the other men.

Despite of your usual oversize clothes or no makeup policy, you chose to present yourself in a different style. Your hair was perfectly combed, your makeup highlighted your face features, and you were wearing a little light blue dress which tightly caressed your body. Baekhyun, or none of your classmates knew that you had curves for example till that night and to Baekhyun’s dismay, you had a really good body. You were a minion, your beauty was very soft and although he really hated to admit this, you were a view for the spectators. Maybe not the prettiest, but you had something had people looking at you, liking you, desiring you.

You had an aura which was enough to make your biggest enemy to silently acknowledged that you were attractive.

“Maybe, there is no one.” you shrugged your shoulder. “But youwere eager to low yourself, huh?”

You did not forget the look on Baekhyun’s face when Professor Kim called you to the stage. You were sure as fuck, he was cursing you but also there was something else, glowing in his eyes. Something you could not describe, but you could see the same emotion in your reflection when you saw Baekhyun with that crowd of girls.

Rarely.

But still you knew that feeling.

That ceremony was hard for you, of course you were over the moon because of your achievement, that project opened you some fresh opportunities and proved that despite of being a junior, you were more than a bachelor student. You proved your talents and abilities to yourself by winning the first place, you completed a step, made your first goal come true.

And you nailed Byun Baekhyun’s coffin. It was worth of every minute you spent sleepless, your tears and sweats, the hours in library, the hours in front of the plan of Gyeongbokgung Palace and search for the most logical and safest ways of conducting an excavation around the palace.

Your ideas were chosen over Baekhyun’s ideas, and you were aware of the quality of the solutions he proposed.

You were proud of yourself.

It was the bare truth that Baekhyun’s face were singing to you just as your favourite band could sing, seeing his face just like someone fed him with cucumbers was equal to being accepted into your dream field, Chios’ excavations, as the chief archaeologist.

But you were annoyed.

You could not happily taste your success. You could not feel its flavour on your tongue buds.

Because of that bastard looked fucking magnificent in that bloody black suit.

You have been told about the dress code you had to follow, however no one, not a single soul managed to catch his level of looking good in a suit.

You were annoyed because your taste in men was exactly equal to Byun Baekhyun. He had everything you could ask for, he was devilishly charming, there was even no need for words to describe him, he was beautiful.

And he was the only one you hated the most.

Every girl in the room was drooling over him, to your dismay, just like you. You felt that feeling in your stomach, a pain which was spinning, spinning, and spinning, causing a tornado inside of your stomach.

Was it jealousy?

“I already noticed your ignorance about the feelings.” Baekhyun could not control himself anymore and grabbed your shoulder, turning you to the opposite direction. “We have to follow this fucking street, or we will be lost again.”

“Have you been observing me, Baekhyunnie? That’s so cute.” you ignored the second part of his words, just starting to walk on the direction he instructed to you.

“Observing you takes a minute, baby girl, since there is nothing to see.” he answered but he found it interesting when you called him as Baekhyunnie. “You are a spoiled brat.”

“Hop, that hurts.” you pouted, pressed your fist on your chest, faking a whimper. “Would you like to tame this spoiled brat?”

You started to think that you went nuts.

“In your dreams.” Baekhyun laughed, but he literally lost himself in the fucking possibilities you could be tamed by him. “You have to wait a couple of centuries for someone who can be willing to be with you.”

You chuckled but preferred to keep your silence after his words. Damn, your sudden quietude caught Baekhyun’s attention more. Why didn’t you not attack to him? Why didn’t you give him a sharp answer as you should have?

Why you chuckled like there was a line at your door?

Was it?

Baekhyun pondered that instead of the fact that you were generally with a small group of friends, to both of your dismays your common friends, he did not see you with strangers, so there could not a queue for your hand.

Could it be?

And why the fuck he should have care if there is a crowd for you or not? No one could want someone like you if they did not lose their mind.

But he cared. Fuck, he cared more than he wanted.

Because to his disappointment, he knew that there was a real cavalcade of knightly candidates for you.

“Okey,” you checked the time. “After this one, I am going to have lunch.”

“We are going to have lunch.” Baekhyun gritted his teeth. “I hate eating alone enough to endure your presence.”

“Didn’t you tell me there is no one who could want to be with me?” you snickered. “But you have no reservations about having lunch with me?”

“Imagine the situation I am in.” he grumbled. “The day gets better and better.”

You decided to annoy him, pushing him to the edges as much as you could do. The first response that came to your mind refusing him, but the other option was funnier. You could play with Byun Baekhyun, you could take your revenge by being a pain in the ass.

He said that he could endure your presence.

You could make him regretful of his words.

There was a very little smile tugged on your lips which you were not aware of, however, to his dismay, Baekhyun realized it.

Her lips are rosy and plump, he thought to himself. Even though he called you a spoiled brat, he was not sure of if you were a brat or not. Kiddos have not the type of lips, calling people for the kisses, like you. There was something, even during your cocky performances when you tried to beat the life out of him, although you always kept that dull and bored expression and acted like Baekhyun was not worth of your time, but there was something just in you.

Baekhyun swallowed down his own vomit when he admitted it to himself, and you have caught his glare.

“What?” you purred. “Can’t you take your eyes off me?”

“Who the hell wants to watch you?” he quickly collected his thoughts and put them in a fucking trail. “I am looking for a restaurant where we can have good food.”

After a permanent mutual ignorance session for years, his next words caught you off your guard.

“You like local foods, right?” he asked. “I guess the second shop on this street is famous for jjangmyeon and tteokbokki.”

Well, you had to admit that his questions made your brain a little bit foggy. How could he know that?

“Yeah.” for the first time in history, you did not come up with any sharp answer. “How about you?”

“As long as there is no cucumber or extremely sweet cuisine,” he started to walk. “I am fine.”

You heard that Baekhyun is really not in good terms with cucumber.

“Feel you.” you murmured in your mouth because you hated cucumbers as much as you hated Baekhyun. He swiftly look at you, you accompanied him on the street.

“We should celebrate.” he teased. “I said something, you just answered, and we did not have a fight.”

“This is a privilege for cucumbers.” you shrugged your shoulder, but you also felt that he did not buy your nonchalant tone. “I cannot stand them, mum loves it too much, I mean what type of person can love a cucumber? If I need water, I prefer to drink it.”

Your observation made him tilted his head back in that rumbling laugh of his, you were unwilling to join, but the corners of your mouth turned up slightly.

“Here we go.” He, as a gentleman, opened the door for you, you responded with the most neutral expression you could muster. “Oh, no thanks?”

“Thank you.” you rolled your eyes, however, despite of your strongly negative feelings against him, you do not like rudeness. “Sorry, that was insolence of me.”

“Your apology is fully accepted.” he winked, you hated that cocky tone, you hated yourself for falling into his trap. You passed him, went to a distanced table where it placed in the corner. You did not want to be seen as having a lunch with Baekhyun by your teammates.

Corner was fine.

“Oh, no.” he grabbed your arm, manhandled you to the tables of the center. “I will not let you escape. If they see us, let them to see.”

Your eyebrows knitted, your lips pressed to each other enough to form a thick line on your face, you could almost taste your growing anger. But at the same time, you realized that feeling his hand on your skin increased your heartbeats, you wanted to scream with self-hatred, but you bite down on your tongue as his hand quickly wandered to down, to your waist. He directed you to the most visible table from outside while you were fighting yourself in order to control your fucking pace of breathing.

Please, this could not be true, I could not be excited because of his touch, you thought.

This was not happening, what the fuck was happening?

Baekhyun was not so different from you, even though his face expression was not changed for a bit. He forced himself to take control, but it was really hard for him.

Your hate was reciprocated, right? You guys could not spend even a bloody minute in peace, the only thing you had was annoyance.

So, why you perfectly fit in his embrace just like you were made just to be under his arm?

Why Baekhyun wanted to tight his arm around your waist?

Why could you not say anything even though Baekhyun was literally holding you?

Why you felt like you were in the only place where you had to be for the rest of your days?

“Hi.” you heard the waitress who was a really beautiful girl. “Welcome to Sung’s String. How can I help you?”

Even though finishing her sentence, she begun to eye Baekhyun. You rolled your eyes and reached to the menu; to be honest, this show was not funny after seeing it for the million times. Every time, Sejong Team went outside for a drink, for a gathering or even for a museum trip, girls and sometimes boys gazing the members of Sejong Team just like they were idols or actors because of their good-looking. Eh, they were not wrong, you had to say that the Sejong Team included really, really, and really handsome boys from Baekhyun to Chanyeol, from Kyungsoo to Jongdae and these boys’ superiors were Kim oh-my-godJunmyeon and Kim lord-help-us Minseok.

Well…

You were already got used to the reactions coming from all around when Sejong Team showed their faces. You knew that both of insiders and outsiders of Sejong Institute called your team members as the Flower Boys or a shitty nickname like that.

“I would like to have a jjangmyeon without cucumbers, and a tteokbokki.” you turned the menu off. “With a light coke.”

“Coke?” Baekhyun mimicked you like he could not believe his ears. “Are you kidding? Everyone knows that you have to drink jasmine tea in order to help digestion.”

“Have you been majored in nutrition?” you gave him your bitchy resting face. “Shut the fuck up.”

“No coke.” he wholly ignored you and turned to the waitress who was watching him as drooling. “Please, we want two bowls of jjangmyeon, two tteokbokki, also please we would like to have kimbap and kimchi as the garnitures and of course a pot of jasmine tea.”

“Yeah!” she sounded weaker after Baekhyun conducted all power he had in his eyes to her. “Anything else?”

“I guess we are fine for the time being.” Baekhyun smiled to her, causing a flush of redness on her cheeks.

“I will be back as soon as possible.” the girl literally purred, Baekhyun’s eyes shined after her reaction. Little bastard. You did not want to think about it, but his visible joy had your stomach churned. You inhaled and took your book out of your bag.

“What are you doing?” Baekhyun glanced up at you, reached to take the book from your hands. “Having lunch together means conversation, are you going to read?”

“Give the book to me, Byun.” you kicked his foot under the table. “I know you do not know how to read and enjoy but that’s a good habit to have.”

“Yeah, I know that habit of you gives nothing but lonely hours in library.” he had no limits of shooting his arrows. “Have you ever tried something different for a change?”

“Like what?” you tried to get back your book. “Following your great example and dedicate my life to your favourite sport? Sorry, I have no interest in running after women by lolling my tongue out of my mouth.”

“Baby girl,” Baekhyun put your book in his leather bag. “You have no idea whose tongue lolls out of the mouth.”

You could not decide on what you hated the most. Baekhyun or the girls after Baekhyun? You concluded as both of them were equally horrible in your eyes.

“I am sure your stories are incredible.” you inhaled. “But I really do not like to hear the anecdotes of miserable women. Could you give the book back before I gauge your eyes off?”

“Nope.” he grinned. “I can bet on you are still a virgin but tell me if you have an affair or not, I would like to pay my condolences to your partner.”

He was already written as the first name in your list of most-hated-people, but suddenly became the first man to be written as the first enemy of a lifetime.

“Did you finish your own list of dead partners?” you raised one eyebrow. “Thinking of its length gives me chills.”

“No dead.” his grin widened from one ear to the other. “They just had some temporary heart problems due to the performances I gave to them.”

You opened your mouth to slap his face with the words, but the waitress came back to your table with a huge tray. She was placing every bowl and plate, actually fucking Baekhyun with her eyes, you literally hardly suppressed your instincts, telling you to warn her immediately.

But you were not honest with yourself about why you wanted to warn her. In the deep of your mind, but in very deep, you had been starting to realize that you disliked when the girls threw themselves to Baekhyun because you wanted them to stop. You did not like the scene because you did not want to share Baekhyun’s gaze with another person.

You were lying to yourself without realizing what was the real problem of you.

You loved Baekhyun from the beginning, even though he was a fucking tease and a bloody smartass. There was no other man for you, if someone could cut your chest, the only thing would be seen in your heart was his name.

But that would be the heaviest self-enlightenment, and you were definitely not ready for such as a thing. That’s why you unconsciously continued to trick yourself by disguising your own feelings from your own eyes.

You got the chopsticks and decided to have your lunch instead of burying yourself in the maze of thoughts. Baekhyun realized your discomfort, but he had no idea what the real reason of your mood was, whatever made you unhappy was more than okey for him. He could be happy as long as you were sorrowful.

“You still not give an answer to the question.” he was persistent on pushing your limits. “Do you have a relationship?”

“Why are you curious?” you took a mouthful amount of jjangmyeon. How much you wanted to stuff these noodle strings into his throat, suffocating him to death. “If you want to send a bouquet, please note that I love blue roses.”

“You are really a virgin, huh?” Baekhyun diabolically grinned, you could swear on you saw the red halo over his head.

“Darling, you cannot make me angry by stating what is obvious.” you smiled back, there was no reason holding it back, you were always open on these issues, and a sick part of you wanted to tell him to see his reaction. “Yeah, I am a virgin.”

“Do you conservatively follow a church?” his chin dropped a few inches. “How could it be possible with all the boys who try to seduce you?”

Well, you did not expect to hear this.

“Come on,” Baekhyun continued. “I always see you with a bunch of men, do you really think they are following you only for friendship?”

“On the contrary of you and your limit-does-not-exist type of libido, people can build the bonds of affinity.”

“Only when they do not search for an open door to sneak in.” Baekhyun pointed his chopsticks to your face. “Telling you, I can name at least six permanent names in the waiting room.”

You did not see the hidden meaning of his words, however, Baekhyun was already became regretful, he silently prayed for your ignorance and blindness were going to keep him safe. Because he gave you the biggest clue of his interest in you by stating he could give even names.

He still did not understand how he could know everything about you or why he always put a brick on the ways of the candidates for you, but he did. Hell, he was unapologetically finding a way to prevent the boys who liked you and no one could understand it was Baekhyun. He always came up with a solution in order to intimate them, put them back off. You were not aware but Baekhyun always appeared around you when he thought a candidate was close to you more than he supposed to be.

He already put his stamina on you as his girl, but he was not aware of his own actions. He was not aware of what he has been doing, how he was persistently looking for you, searching for your face in every class or harmoniously living with your voice. It was like your breathing was singing to his ears, and he was dancing with your melody.

Baekhyun did not understand but he was yours.

“I am not sure what you think,” you sipped from jasmine tea with self-confidence. “But there is no such a fucking waiting room.”

“You are really blind.” Baekhyun chewed a rice cake, generously dipping it into the gochujang sauce. “Don’t you think Oh Seunghwan is acting like more than a friend? Or Jang Jeongbun? Jesus, even you really cannot be that much idiot.”

Baekhyun was right for the first time in history. You were nothing more than a retard because you really did not understand the behind the scenes of his words. He was unconsciously giving you the signs of his interests in you, but you were so naïve to see.

“They are my friends, Baekhyun.” you rolled your eyes back. “I know grasping the nature of different relationships is hard for you, but people can be nothing but friends. No need to add tensions or searching for hidden meanings.”

Every time you vocalized his fucking name, Baekhyun felt its impact went straight to his dick, and he hated himself for that.

You were not the type of people who could be okey with the target of teasing. You wanted to play, you wanted to be enhanced by it, sinking into the waves of the game.

And even Baekhyun did not admit it in his head, he believed you were the most attractive girl he has been known because of you always corresponded to his moves and cards.

“How about you?” you immediately played your reverse card, grinning like a Cheshire cat. “I heard that you and your gorgeous looks which made entire school swoon and fantasize about you? Are you really called as the sexiest human being on the country?”

Your voice was the strongest indicator of your disbelief, he could be the biggest moron on planet Earth, nothing more nothing less.

Also, you were aware of those comments on Baekhyun more than you wished for. You kept everything you heard about him in your head, in the safest and the most secret file of your brain, refusing to think but keeping on unconsciously think about those speculations. You found them very suspicious, but not because of Baekhyun did not deserve to be called as the sexiest human being, you found those fantasies as unlikely because of Baekhyun had not that macho man stuff people were somehow attributing to him.

You had grown so sick from all of these dreams and comments, coming from every corner of school since Baekhyun was like a star.

And now, you had him seemed quite displeased with your tease.

“Only on the country?” he raised one eyebrow. “Shit, it seems I am not doing well.”

“Baby, you are coming after Park Chanyeol.” you sighed in joy of dancing on your tiptoes. “That’s a quite achievement, when you think.”

“Chanyeol?” he sighed in annoyance; you knew that you trapped his ego in a small box. “Coming after Chanyeol?”

“Yeah.” you gave the most nonchalant look to him. “Well, I can tell that’s quite unfair since Flower Boys includes really strong names such as Kyungsoo or Junmyeon but… Poor girls, they have to be lunatic to put you after Chanyeol.”

“What do you think about these extremely distorted images of us?” Baekhyun angrily took a mouthful of jjangmyeon.

“Do you ask my list?” you crossed your hands over your chest, cooing with gleamy eyes. “I cannot believe that Byun Baekhyun, asking me, a poor peasant, for her list.”

Baekhyun’s eyes darkening, and you were not sure why your mood was changed from the pure need of mocking him to an excitement which you could not ignore. His voice was really screechy and boyish when he asked your list, and his voice giving you a different kind of pleasure. Not the pleasure of scolding him, but the delight of toying him, pushing him to the edge.

But you did not analyse your current feelings, instead, you rushed to deliver your actually-not-existent list.

“We are talking about physical features, right? But I am going to rate everyone also with their characteristics.” you smiled. “For me, the first name is Chanyeol. I mean, look at that face he has, and his body ratio is excellent, but he has a golden heart. Then, of course Kyungsoo, he is fucking handsome, therefore, he is a great guy.”

“I really pity your tastes of men.” Baekhyun’s discontent with your made-up list was palpable, and the dissatisfaction of his tone was like honey left out in the morning sun.

“The number 3 is Junmyeon as always.” you wholly ignored his comment. “No one can say anything against to Kim Junmyeon, he is the definition of aesthetic. Minseok and Jongdae shared the same number in my list, and that’s all.”

“You forgot me.” Baekhyun snorted, his voice made you lifted your head. He was so tense; you never see his jaw clenched at this expand. What’s up his ass? you silently though in your head.

“I did not.” you were cool as a cucumber. “You are not in the list.”

Till now, you guys always ate each other, digging the graves for each other, always fighting always scolding always throwing invisible daggers to each other. However, you have never ever seen those dangerous lights, dancing in the pupils of Baekhyun after your words.

It was difficult to wrap your mind around the fact that you found this Baekhyun as more attractive than his usual-self and unfortunately you already found Baekhyun very desirable. Even though you would never even let yourself to think about being intimate with him, his eyes stirred something inside of you, ignited some fires close to your lower stomach.

“I am sorry to hear that.” you also never heard this cold voice tone of Baekhyun, and you heard almost every negative version of Baekhyun’s voice which he spared only to use against you. “Let’s finish the meals, we have to be back to work.”

“Yeah.” you nod, lightly smiled. You managed to make him mad, you achieved your goal to annoy him so bad.

Why did you feel bad?

Why did you want Baekhyun to continue on the game?

Why did you feel regretful?

Why did you want to cry?

When Baekhyun’s phone started to ring, you almost completed every house in the list Junmyeon gave to you.

And you spent the last two hours in a total silence. It was eerily, Baekhyun’s lips firmly presses into each other like he sworn on not to talk again. You were not so different, but inside of your mind, something was gnawing your inner peace.

You were not happy, even you coped with the most difficult task, shutting Baekhyun’s mouth.

But you were not happy. You did not feel like you got the prize.

Instead…

You were extremely sad, and you felt like you let the trophy to slid between your fingers.

You had to feel like you hit the jackpot, but quite opposite, you were miserable.

You were especially afraid of losing Baekhyun’s attention, your own heart was aching at the way you told him off.

Still, you were lying to yourself and trying to conceal what made you afraid, you were not honest to your conscious, however despite of your efforts, you knew something was wrong with you after his transformation after you showed him the door.

You were a coward; you were not accepting the solid fact that you were in love with Byun Baekhyun and what made you afraid was nothing but losing him.

However, you were also sure on Baekhyun had a place in your head, making you shutter, had you shaking in your shoes. You could not name where to put his name, but you knew he had a place in your life.

And you were horrified by the possibility of losing the chance of hearing his voice. Even if his cocky remarks were the only words you could rip from him.

“Yeah?” Baekhyun answered to the call, for a second, you were happy to hear his voice again, but he walked towards to the last house you had to visit without waiting for you. He did not do this, even in the beginning of the day. You took a deep breath, you did not know why the heck you were really sad for his sudden coldness, godfuckingdamnit didn’t you hate and always despise each other? You mentally slapped yourself to gather yourself up, but it was pointless, you rushed to catch him.

You were aware of there was a painful squeeze in your chest, but you could not understand the reason of its presence or how you could get rid of that.

“Junmyeon told us to retreat.” Baekhyun informed you without looking at you. “After this house, we have to run back to the meeting point.”

“Okey.” you nod, hated the meek voice tone you produced but your mind was not on the case, you were questioning your own feelings and firm beliefs about Baekhyun.

Baekhyun was not better, to be honest, he was worse than you.

When you nonchalantly told him he was not in your list, he wanted to puke everything he devoured during lunch even though tteokbokki was his favourite food. He wanted to punch himself on the face when you counted the members of your fucking list, he wanted to smack his head into the table.

Chanyeol? Kyungsoo? Damnit, even Junmyeon found his way to sneak into your list, but Baekhyun was not there.

He was always sure of he would be landed in every list, but he never think that being in your fucking list was the most important for him.

Why did he care if you were not seeing him as a man or not?

This question swirling in his head had his mind shattering.

As much as he was happy to see you wiggling like a worm under the fires, he could not control his reactions against the problem. When he saw you trembling over a case, he was the first one always popped out of nowhere to fix the problem in the darkness and never let you learn that it was him. He did not let even Junmyeon to help you, putting aside Chanyeol or Kyungsoo.

Baekhyun was the one who had been saving your ass like he was your invisible rescue call.

But you did not name him in your fucking list.

It drove him into crazy. The lack of your attention. He never mean that alerting you on his helps or care for you, but at the same time, he never think that his efforts would be equal to nothing.

He hated himself as much he hated you.

While you were walking back to the meeting point, both of you were lost in your own darkest thoughts. You were carefully paying the attention in order to not to have immersed each other, however both of you wanted nothing but screaming to each other, enough to have the fiercest fight till now.

You wanted to lose yourself in Baekhyun just like he was dying to bury himself into you for his dear life. However, both of you were very good at muting the voices of your hearts and minds.

“Indy! Baekhyun!” you heard Minseok, turning to his voice. “It is going to be a blizzard; we have to find a shelter.”

“Ha?”

“The forecast was clear as fuck.” Chanyeol pointed Junmyeon who was glued to his phone. “Jun is looking for a hotel for us since we could not go back.”

“We can take the cabs?” you were puzzled, a blizzard would be bad, but it did not mean that you had to spend the night here. “I mean, we are not living in a different city.”

“Yeah, you are right.” Shinhye crossed her arms over her shoulders, trying to keep herself warm. You had to admit, although you did not feel it till now, the weather was really cold. “But the cab drivers refused to drive into the city center. They advised us to stay here.”

“How about using metro?” you asked. “It is not so hard.”

“If you want,” Junmyeon hissed at you, holding the phone over his shoulder for a second. “You can try your chance, Indy. However, we are going to spend the night here. Safe and warm.”

“He is right.” Kyungsoo smiled at you. “I prefer to be warm and dry, sorry.”

You took a look at the team, and everyone was approving Kyungsoo’s words like they were bloody zealots.

“Okey, dumbasses.” you sighed in annoyance. “But we do not have even fucking pyjamas.”

“You can always take your clothes off.” Chanyeol winked at you. “Who says you need a pair of pyjamas to sleep?”

“Shut the fuck up, Chanyeol.” a sudden blush spread over your cheekbones, Chanyeol could not help but burst into laughs.

Baekhyun was determined to ignore you, but he could not help himself.

“Yeah, number one.” he muttered between his teeth, enough to be heard only by you. “Golden heart.”

Your chin was dropped for a few inches after hearing his annoyed voice tone and vindictive comment.

Could it be the reason of his unexpected coldness?

Could he be jealous of your invalid expressions and your fake list?

No way.

He could not be.

Your heart skipped the order of beats.

“Okey,” Junmyeon interrupted your thoughts. “We are going, if we are lucky, we will be in the hotel before the bloody snow will sweep down on us.”

“Let’s go!” Shinhye grabbed your hand, dragging you beside of herself. You submissively followed her footsteps; however, your mind was distracted by Baekhyun’s last words.

Could it be?

“This is heaven.” Jongdae rubbed his tummy. “Thank you, Jun!”

“No problem.” Junmyeon smiled and looked at all of you, to be honest, after a really good and delicious dinner, everyone was knocked out over the table.

Except you and Baekhyun.

“If you want you can go to your rooms.” Junmyeon said. “Since we were fortunate to find a single room for each of us, I do not think we have to play rock-paper-scissor.”

“Ah, having a room for myself.” Minseok laughed. “I do not have to hear your snorts, Junmyeon.”

They were sharing the same flat, everyone laughed after his teasing, Junmyeon too.

“Look who is talking.” he beamed. “I am so happy that I am going to have one night without your damn showering rituals.”

“Tell us about it.” Jongdae whined. “Pleeeassse.”

While Junmyeon and Minseok had been giving details of their flatmate stories to the team, making everyone to enjoy the environment, you were deeply sink into the pool of thoughts.

What a day, you thought. And why I feel like I am desperate?

Also, Baekhyun was not enjoying the unexpected banquet, instead he was quite enough to draw attention to himself. Chanyeol was on the verge of asking what the heck was wrong with him, but Kyungsoo kicked him under the table, pointed you with his eyes. Chanyeol’s wit quickly grabbed the matter, and he devilishly grinned.

You gave a hard day to Baekhyun, and he had no intention to change a thing between you and Baekhyun.

He always believed that you were secretly liking each other, but as you were nothing but stubborn bastards, you concealed your feelings towards each other.

Chanyeol definitely had zero motive to interrupt the fight between you, if it meant you would understand your mutual feelings.

Junmyeon also sensed the tension between you and Baekhyun, but he was not the type of persons who could wait on his corner.

“Baekhyun? Baekhyun!” Junmyeon called out him, waking him up. “How was your day? Why you guys are silent as dead?”

“We completed the task.” Baekhyun answered sourly, the corner of his mouth jumping downwards faintly. “As you assigned me and her.”

Baekhyun deliberately avoided using the pronoun of us.

“And it was a hell of task.” he continued. “I am so tired.”

“Even if you are fucking tired,” Jongdae raised a rejection. “You never shut your mouth, tell us what the heck is gnawing you?”

The bloody girl who sits next to you, Baekhyun thought but he was clever enough to keep the filter between his mouth and brain as valid.

“The girl I gave a promise for this night.” he forced himself to beam. “Because of this fucking weather, I have to arrange another meeting with her.”

Your heart churned, his reply had you wanting to slap your face. Harshly.

And you thought that he could be jealous because you named Chanyeol!

You were nothing but such an idiot.

An idiot who did not know a single piece of shit but acting so superior.

You were a goddamn idiot.

Chanyeol’s eyes narrowed after hearing Baekhyun’s shitty words, Kyungsoo wanted to punch Baekhyun’s face so bad, Junmyeon’s dislike of Baekhyun was obvious but he did not say anything, just sighed in desperation.

You felt nothing but another flash of pain as someone hit your abdomen.

“Are you okey, Indy?” Jongdae leaned over to you, whispering. You shook your head positively, smiling slightly. “You did not throw yourself into even desert.”

Your love for deserts was not a secret amongst your friends as Shinhye, sharing Jongdae’s concerns, handed you a bunch of cloudy puffs, filled with lemon cream. You took one of them, although you had no appetite, you forced yourself to eat the puff in order to put your friends at ease.

He was your biggest enemy and rival, right?

Why you were so devastated, almost on the verge of being hysterical?

You were not aware of you had been hypocritical with your feelings, and you were running away from your own heart. That’s why your hands were shaking, your heart was drumming into your ribs and aching as hell.

You were not ready to face with your heart, but you were also too naïve to save yourself from the pain it caused.

“Was he really harsh on you?” Jongdae murmured, his eyes was nothing but full of worries. “I am sure you could put him in his place but still…”

“He was not.” you said. “And you know me, nothing cheers me up but kicking his ass.”

“Glad to hear that.” Jongdae inhaled but the worries did not leave his face. “So why are you so down?”

“I am really tired today.” you sighed, tucking another puff into your mouth as you mentally punched your face in order to take the fucking control of yourself. “But if I will eat enough amount of these pastries, I will be like a bomb.”

“You are already like a bomb.” Minseok joined into the chat. “You look like on the verge of exploding.”

You unwillingly laughed at his damn right assumption.

“You know what?” you sniffed. “I am dying for a good drink. Would like to join me for a soju break?”

There was no single soul who could oppose to propose of grab a drink in your team. Jongdae jumped out of his chair, Shinhye was born ready and Minseok was the strongest drunkard.

“We are heading to the bar.” Minseok happily announced. “If you guys want to join, perfect, if not, good night to all.”

You were always impressed by the eagerness of Sejong Team to jump into any opportunity for a drink. Everyone, every single soul of this team, had a strong will to consume a respectable amount of alcohol. Less than a minute, everyone gathered up and headed to the elevators in order to visit the terrace of the hotel.

You had been wondering how rich Junmyeon was, even though he was a senior in college, or which kind of relations he had under his belt.

Jesus, you could not pay your attention during the dinner, however the hotel you had been staying was nothing but a touch of luxury. You had a strong guess on the payment bill of this place, however you preferred to keep it to yourself as you knew that Junmyeon did not like talking about the wealth lies beneath his fingertips.

But the bar was intimating.

Minseok, Jongdae and Kyungsoo were having a fierce conversation about the administrative offices of Roman Empire, Shinhye were with Junmyeon as they were talking on the next project that they aimed to present for the Head of Department. Chanyeol, only God knew how the heck he found that, was playing a guitar and you, as dwelling in an extremely comfortable armchair, tucked yourself into a blanket like a sushi roll, were enjoying the sudden calmness around yourself. The dim lights, from the chandeliers dangling from the ceiling, casting mirages across the hall, showing the wooden tables scattered between the chairs and beautiful, fresh cut flowers in their elegant vases.

It is not Korean but Chinese or Japanese, you thought, however with your bad eyesight, making an observation about the porcelain and its design was impossible. Also, you were a little bit slothful at the very moment to move your butt, you wanted to indulge in the soju you were holding, not anything else.

You felt a hand on your shoulder, warm but unfamiliar, your head jerked to face the owner of touch.

Baekhyun was looking at you, however his eyes were different from his usual self. There was no intention to mock with you, his eyes were clear as the snow drops that covering the streets right now.

“May I sit?” Baekhyun asked to you, catching you off guard with an unexpected kindness. You nod, feeling a sudden increase of the level of excitement, but kept your mouth shut. “Thank you.”

Thanking you? Byun Baekhyun?

You perked up, starting to prepare yourself for the fight, despite of the considerable amount of soju flowing in your veins, you were ready to guard yourself.

His elbow brushed your forearm when he was rolling his body in order to adjust the chair next to you.

You were shocked by the reaction your body gave to the moment, the only thing he did was sitting on a fucking chair, but your cheekbones were on fire.

His hips, damn his hips your inner voice was hysterically whispering in your head.

“May I ask to which muse I owe this honour?” you searched Baekhyun’s eyes for a glint of dismissiveness, however this was the very first time you have been the target of sincere, chocolate brown and deep irises.

“I have a question for you.” Baekhyun quickly ignored your offensive joke. “Why I am not in your list?”

He may as well have tossed you inside of a volcano, kicking you into the pool of lava, the impact would be the same. Your heart prompted to your stomach, they churned together, your throat and lungs tightened so bad, enough to cut your air by yourself.

You open your mouth, but nothing come out, just a bubble.

“I do not know how to translate that.” he sneered however you were at a loss. You could expect a lot of words from Byun Baekhyun but questioning the reason of his absence in your fucking list was not one of them.

“There is—” you bite your lower lip to stop yourself, you were on the verge of confessing that there was no list, you just tried to poke his ego, but thank God, you still had a piece of sanity to hold on. “I do not understand. Why do you care my list?”

Do I look like I fucking know? Baekhyun wanted to shake your cage, he wished nothing but screaming at you with all power he had in his lungs. He had no idea why he was mad at you, but he was out of rage and the only reason was you.

“Because I am curious.” he leaned his elbows onto his knees, cocking one eyebrow to you. “And what I hate most is being ignorant to a case.”

“I know.” you spoke without thinking, your mind was delving into the current problem you had in order to find a balanced answer, so you did not realize what you exactly said.

Unfortunately for you, Byun Baekhyun did not become your biggest rival by being blind or deaf.

His lips slightly curled upwards.

But the gentleman he could be, he did not corner you for the time being.

“So?”

It did not mean he would not try to push you in order to get what he wanted.

“Is there a rule saying that every human being has to be interested in you?”

You were not aware of it, but your voice was cracking, and your breathing became heavier, quickened and there was a sheen of sweet on your forehead.

To your dismay, Byun Baekhyun did not unconsciously mark you as his girl without studying you to the bits.

“Humanity is a different topic.” he widely smiled. “I wonder about you, sweetheart.”

Your breath stuck in your lungs because of the endearment, even though you were aware of his teasing of you.

“You are not my type, Byun.” you dead serious.

“Ah, your type is Chanyeol, right?” he smirked, turning his head to the tall brunette who indulged himself into the guitar. “Should we alert him to your interest in him?”

“Goddamn, no!” you hissed at him. What kind of trouble he was aiming to knit on your head? “Do you know the definition of privacy? You are invading personal boundaries, dumbass.”

“I do not think so.” Baekhyun shrugged his shoulder. “If you like Chanyeol, Chanyeol has the right of be aware of your interest.”

“Okey, even a scoundrel like you cannot be crossing the limit of respect like this.” you moved to stand up, giving the most dangerous look to Baekhyun. “I do not have to lis-

“Hey, Chanyeol!” Baekhyun called him with a high-pitched voice. Chanyeol lifted his head, distracted by the unexpected scream of Baekhyun.

“What?”

“Nothing!” your hand immediately tugged onto Baekhyun’s knee, squeezing it tightly in order to warn him. “You are playing so good, keep going!”

Chanyeol laughed at your words.

“You do not have to scream like that, Goddamnit.”

“Tell it to your friend.” you rolled your eyes back, fuming with anger but covering your face pretty well. You turned to Baekhyun, your eyes telling him that he was in serious danger if he was not going to shut his fucking mouth up.

Baekhyun did not care your silent warning, but your hand on his knee was a real distraction for him.

“I know that he is not your type.” he murmured, watching your hand, small, pale, and soft, Baekhyun did not want to confess but he wanted to latch your fingers to his. “Is it Kyungsoo?”

“Do I interrogate your preferences of girls, damn?” you literally gritted between your teeth. “Leave it.”

“I have no intention.” Baekhyun turned to Kyungsoo, narrowing his eyes. “Let’s ask if you are Kyungsoo’s type.”

“What the fuck are you, cupid?!” you grunted, and your hands moved without your consent. You grasped Baekhyun’s jawline, your fingertips were brushing his ears. “I said, leave it.”

“If you want to shut my mouth,” Baekhyun beamed, ignoring the fact that your touch meant for a lot than he could expect, he was going to think about it later. “Tell me why I am not in your list.”

“No one can desire someone like you!” you exploded. “An arrogant, dandy, selfish boy who does not know nothing but bringing trouble to others. That’s why you can never be in my list, even I have to choose between you and an octopus. For the records, I hate octopus, but I would go for it, if it means the other option is you.”

“Oh, you hurt me.” Baekhyun’s eyes glimmered with the sparks of unnamed feelings. He leaned forward, enough you to feel his breath fanning your lips. “You know what, sweetheart? You are so aggressive only when you have a secret which have to stay only in your head.”

“W-what?”

“I am definitely in that list.” Baekhyun claimed it with confidence, but it was just the appearance. Inside him, his heart was definitely shuttering, cracking into pieces, he had no control over himself, he could not understand his sudden behaviours. “I am in your list, if there is a list.”

Your eyes widened, and pupils blown up.

“Jesus.” you snorted. “When you lost your fucking mind?”

“You are a pretty bad liar.” Baekhyun was making assumptions out of his ass in order to get a reaction from you, he was not fucking sure if he was in the list or not, but everything he said actually rang the true bells.

“And you are a lunatic.” your intense eyes pinned him down, and the frowning lips caught your attention, but you forced to came back to your senses as soon as possible. “You will never be anything more than a lunatic.”

You attempted to stand up, but he was incredibly swift to catch your wrist, pressing you back to the armchair.

“Tell me, sweetheart.” he held your wrist for his dear life, caging you and to your disappointment, coming closer to your face, causing your ability of speaking to be faded immediately.

His godfuckingdamnit lips.

“You have been having doubts on me since the day we met, your driving force is giving me hard time.” his breathing was fanning your cheekbones. "Confess now, why are you pissed at me all the time?”

“Hell, you do talk like you are so different. Aren’t you the one who always finds a way to be trouble for me?” you raised one eyebrow, letting him to realize the game was reserved for two people. “If it means liking someone, since when you have been fallen in love over heels with me?”

“You have no idea how much I want to place your heels over my shoulders.”

Your chin was dropped, his words had you turning into a mummy who was trying to register into his remarkable sentence without a single brain cell.

You had to come up with the best answer you could give. You had to find the best response to him, and it had to be a perfect balance of sharpness, cockiness, and matureness as it had to be said with the resting bitch face.

And you heard your own voice.

“Ha?”

“You heard what I said.” Baekhyun intensively gazed at you, the proximity between your bodies had your body quivering and trembling at the same time and his fucking knee slightly, almost insensibly pushed your legs apart.

“You are really nonsensical, Baekhyun.” you inhaled, doing your best in order to ignore all the jolts all over your body, numbing your mind but also setting the skin on fire. Every time you said his name, Baekhyun felt something turning in his lower stomach. “What the fuck you want from me?”

“You did not name me in your list.” You could not believe your fucking eyes, more importantly, you could not believe you were still listening his gibberish like a kindergarten kiddo. “But, I am better than everyone else here.”

His voice dropped the slightest, making you shiver.

“Would you like me to prove it to you?”

[mistiell]

Hi

I just started following, but I would like an Arcane match-up (male character), if it's alright? I binged it 2 weeks ago after my brain decided it needed new blorbos

I am 26, she/her, nickname JCat. 155.5 cm tall (or a little over 5'1), fair-skinned with moles (but I call them [human] sum spots) stocky build and with fluff (I am a good pillow according to the animals and children that have fallen asleep ob me). Medium-length blonde hair and blue-gray eyes with green around the pupils. Wear glasses and have really poor eyesight (near-sighted)

Personality-wise: in character comparison, I am a genderbent, human Toothless from HTTYD, or a combo of Steve Rogers/Captain America and Loki from the MCU (or Phil Coulson if you've seen Agents of Shield). To clarify, I am a pretty friendly and easy-going person, with a streak of mischief. I tend to be a mom-friend in a sense that I make sure that my friends take care of themselves and give good advice (compliment from my friends). While mostly someone who entertains, I can be quite the trickster should the need arise. But I often try to stay within my morals and make sure I don't intentionally hurt those on my side.

While very good with kids (which is why my mom got me working at a daycare for about 3 years) I don't want my own, due to fear of pregnancy and my driven need to venture out and explore the world. But when it comes down to it, I'd probably adopt an orphan if I've taken a big liking to them.

I'd honestly be the Golden Retriever gf ✨️

Likes include: mythologies, animals, cuddles, adventures, sci-fi, magic/fantasy, plushies, D&D (or any Pen and Paper); LOTR, MCU, HTTYD, Star Wars, and Pokemon are my big main fandoms. I adore the A Capella group Voiceplay.

Dislikes: people being taken advantaged of, narrow minded people...well just people being negative, neglectful, and/or abusive towards each other and nature

A few last notes: I have depression and anxiety, social introvert, neutral good alignment (with some chaos), INFP, Ennegram Type 7.

Hope this helps with the match-up

Have a wonderful month

Urfriendlyneighbornightfury

I match you with…

Viktor!

- You guys would be such a great fit

- He’s also into mythology and sci-fi stuff so you guys would have lots to talk about!

- He’s never had much of an interest in fantasy type things, but it wouldn’t take much convincing to get him to read your favourite fantasy book

- Definitely gets him hooked on the genre

- He considers it a guilty pleasure (even though you have told him several times that it’s not something to be guilty for)

- His response is always, “But Darling, I’m a man of science!”

- You’re both mischievous

- Jayce has his hands full whenever you drop by the lab

- He’s not great with kids, but he’s also not bad with them either

- It’s more that he just has no idea what to do with them

- He he’s honestly pretty indifferent towards having kids. If you don’t want them, he’s totally fine with that

- Most of your dates would probably be something cozy where it’s just you two since you both don’t like going out very much

- He finds your desire to care for your friends and loved ones endearing

- He can’t count how many times you check in on him throughout the day and he’s always grateful when you bring him something to eat when he’s forgotten.

- He does his best to help you through your rough patches with anxiety and depression

- reads up on it and researches different coping strategies

- He loves how excited you get about your interests and will absolutely listen to you and ask questions

[the-blue-fairie]

Day Three: A female character you hated but grew to love

Day Four: A female character you relate to

Day Twenty-One: Favorite female character screwed over by canon

Day Twenty-Two: Favorite female character you love but everyone else hates

Day Three: A female character you hated but grew to love

Estella, I think would count as this. I first read Great Expectations as a child, much too young to process everything about it, and I at first hated her for being a proud bully of a child. But God, she stuck in my psyche since, and the more I've grown, the more the tragedy of her abusive upbringing hits me hard. "I must be taken as I have been made," indeed.

Day Four: A female character you relate to

Too many to count. I could say Elsa, or Adora, or any number of others, but I want to single out an unsung character, a less discussed character, and so I'll say Lydia Ekdahl.

"You suffer, but you endure it." I relate to that. I've suffered under so many boots and tried to endure it with a stoic dignity that is in no way dignified so many times that seeing her onscreen breaks my heart.

I'll list others as well.

Celia, from the 1989 film of the same name.

Clara Copperfield

Sally Salt, complicated as my feelings may be now about the writing of such a character when set against Gilliam's indifference to Sarah Polley's experiences on set.

Adora AND Catra, both

And of course, Anna and Elsa

Day Twenty-One: Favorite female character screwed over by canon

Cordelia Chase. I will always be mad about this. I will never forgive Whedon for what he did to the character, and the petty, spiteful reasons why he did it.

Day Twenty-Two: Favorite female character you love but everyone else hates

I know a lot of people do love Rose, but the haters are so intense and even the "logical" types who argue reasons to dislike her exhaust me.

Wait, wait, don't go! Kai Winn is an odd pick because, like, yes, it's not that I LIKE her. But... she's very compellingly written and so I do love to hate her. Plus, I feel her arc in the final seasons is pathetic enough that I do feel bad for her. nd I guess that sets me apart from most.

Ripley 8. People hate Alien Resurrection but people are wrong.

Hugo's Esmeralda. Do people still treat the book's Esmeralda the same way they did when I was a teen? I read sooooooo many awful victim-blaming takes back then that it hurts. Yes, she's naïve. Yes, she makes mistakes and sometimes does unlikable things. And, yes, I am no fan of the reveal about her parentage. But the amount of "she deserved what she got" takes from the same people who would go on to defend Frollo was... deeply unsettling to me.

[maxwell-grant]

You've already mentioned how much you like Wesley Dodds Sandman, but who are your other favourite members of the Justice Society?

I don't really have much thoughts on the Justice Society. I've barely read anything that features the concept and I don't care for most of it's characters. I said as much that my liking of Wesley is entirely based on growing up reading Sandman Mystery Theatre and I don't really know or care as to what’s been done with the character in the DCU. I have very little love for shared superhero universes and particularly stories that exist mainly in service of upholding the conceit and most of what I’ve read with the Justice Society is all about that.

A lot of the appearences these characters have that I've read just kinda treat them as these "elder statesmen" figures that the superhero community looks up to, and that bores the shit out of me. With some exceptions, I don't like it one bit when that treatment's applied to pulp characters when writers don't have anything else interesting to try and say with them, and I don't like it in a superhero context either. And even the characters within the Justice Society that I like, I don’t like any of them as members of the Justice Society, if that makes sense. Actually, I think another problem I may have is less that I dislike shared superhero universes, and more that I dislike or am indifferent to superhero teams in general. 

(Art by memed and Dan Schkade)

Within it’s members, two of the ones I actually like would definitely be The Spectre and Dr Fate. I’ve read bits of Spectre stories across his history and the Ostrander run’s my favorite so far. The existence of The Spectre within a superhero universe is at times funny and also kind of a headache if you poke at it too hard, but on his own, The Spectre’s interesting as a character who is remarkably challenging to tackle, being that his central conceit is that he’s both an invincible superhero using his horrible reality warping powers against spooky supervillains and street criminals alike, as well as a cosmic force of karmic murder with the literal power of God supporting him, a character who’s an artist’s dream and a writer’s nightmare in equal measure. 

Spectre’s changed over the years from a gothic-themed superpowered masked avenger (not that much more powerful than the likes of Zatara, and certainly not nearly as disturbing as Stardust), to a light-hearted magic superhero, to the host of a horror anthology, and then the center of a horror show based around his killing prowess, long before the slasher phenomenon took off in film. He’s been depicted as everything from a saintly do-gooder, to a murderous sadist with only the flimsiest pretenses of being a hero, to a detached cosmic force of power both friend and foe in equal measure, at times even the DCU’s equivalent to Galactus. There’s been a lot of alterations or evolutions as well to the dynamic between Jim Corrigan and The Spectre, as well as other characters who’ve taken the mantle, although usually not for long and usually for the worse. Spectre’s not really among my favorite comic characters but I definitely like him.

I’ve talked about Dr.Fate and Doc Fate from Multiversity before, and in particular how I liked the Golden Age iteration of Dr Fate and it’s focus on horror before they settled on a more standard secret identity and superheroics for the protagonist. Keith Giffen’s Fate mini in particular really pushed the horror angle inherent to Fate’s existence in ways even I found genuinely disturbing (and some I could frankly do without, mainly those concerning Linda and Eric’s relationship). And while he’s not a Justice Society member, what got me into Doctor Fate as a character was actually Jared Stevens. I stumbled upon the character a while ago by reading @about-faces ’s livejournal chronicling Two-Face’s appearence in one of The Book of Fate’s issues and then read the rest of the series and then the previous Fate mini-series. I guess some people would consider that funny considering Jared’s a super unpopular character, which is bull because Jared’s great and most people who actually bother to read the stories he’s in (instead of dismissing him purely as a 90s fashion disaster, which he is, mind you) end up liking the guy. 

I think alongside these two that I like more as concepts than characters, my favorite Justice Society character would definitely be Alan Scott, a character I definitely need to read more throughly on but already like a lot. I don’t have strong feelings for the other Green Lanterns, and I definitely don’t care much for the corps or the “space cop” archetype. I first discovered Alan by going through some of Solomon Grundy’s appearences and in particular Grundy’s incredible debut, and I found myself really liking Alan’s dynamic with Doiby, who’s got a typically annoying voice as most Golden Age sidekicks tend to have, but I liked how close the two were and that, when Alan was down for the count and Grundy was raining terror on the city, Doiby’s immediate response was to roll up his sleeves and go out there, saying “One of us has got to try! I got to fight for da both of us...”, that pretty much instantly endeared me to the two. 

When I learned that Grundy was created by Alfred Bester, who also created Vandal Savage and wrote some of the best episodes of The Shadow radio show, I ended up reading more of Alan’s Golden Age appearences and some of his others. I really love his costume, I like his origin, I like that in some appearences he’s depicted as being freakishly big and strong even by superhero standards, and even though most of what I could find on him spoke of him as a beacon of hope and this great, powerful, inspirational superhero, which is part of what he is, I also picked up some odd appearences he’s made here and there that gradually made more fascinated on the character's troubled psychology, like him being chosen as the champion of chaos in The Book of Fate #2 and going all-in on becoming a drooling maniac trying to murder the protagonist, or All-Star Squadron #20 where, under an illusion by Brainwave, Alan assumes the Japanese Army’s killed the rest of the JSA and is going to kill him, so he responds by completely obliterating a Japanese town with sheer power alone and then having a guilt crisis where he tries to kill himself before he’s pulled out of the illusion, and even after he’s pretty much saved the day here, he’s tormented by the horror of what he’s proven himself capable of perpetrating and the story ends on a very somber note.

Or Showcase #55 where he’s dunked into the Slaughter Swamp and transformed into a Grundy (an image I’d definitely like to see repurposed again) and, where as Solomon's first response out of the swamp was to go after the nearest source of light and try and understand the world around him, Alan, even not knowing who he is or who Fate is, immediately bellows “I KILL” and tries to crush Doctor Fate on sight. Doctor Fate even remarks that Alan’s brain is “possessed with the desire to destroy”, except the swamp doesn’t possess anyone like that, Grundy casually chats with his old gang in the very same story, and what I thought was just a funny little story at first took on some darker ramifications when contextualized with other Alan Scott appearences where he’s very clearly got something wrong with him.

And then recently this year I discovered @ufonaut ‘s blog and all of her wonderfully informative and interesting essays on Alan Scott (as well as Jared Stevens and The Spectre and others), and I definitely have this one saved up to look at more extensively one day. Pretty much any desire I have to eventually catch-up to other appearences of the JSA is entirely because of her blog and it was reading these posts and some of the comics mentioned that made me go from considering Alan Scott my favorite Green Lantern purely by order of elimination, to considering him possibly one of my favorite DC characters. I find him deeply fascinating and I definitely want to catch up to more of his appearences.

Definitely didn’t think I’d have this much to say about any of the JSA characters in the first place when I started writing this post so who knows, maybe someday I’ll get around to the others and take more of a liking to them.

[jackoshadows]

The ASoIaF fandom can be so frustrating sometimes.

It’s okay to admit that one doesn’t like this or that character. There’s nothing wrong in disliking a character.

I am pretty open on my blog about my indifference towards or dislike for Sansa because of her stans. I don’t make disclaimers about how much I love the character before proceeding to criticize Sansa. I am not a Sansa stan and that’s okay. My blog is a place for me to jot down my thoughts and celebrate characters, books and shows I do like. If you love Sansa as a character, block me, don’t follow me etc.

What’s obnoxiously annoying are the folks who claim to love all the characters the same and then give their ‘unbiased’ opinions which are held up as canon facts because they came from neutral book reader experts. To hell with that nonsense.

These posts reek of hypocrisy and double standards. It often tears down some characters while subtly propping up others - and it’s gobbled up by the wider fandom as unbiased interpretation of the text.

One example is pushing forth the notion that calling Arya pretty (Something that both her father and brother tell her she is in the books) is wrong, it’s sexualizing her, it’s okay for Arya to be ugly, she’s canonically not pretty because Cat/Sansa said so and no other interpretation is allowed etc. And then the same person who says all this celebrates Sansa’s beauty and ships her with a 27 year old man who falls in lust with Sansa.

Or when they say that the Arya-Lyanna (and Sansa/Lyanna parallels, because it’s always important to mention Sansa with respect to Lyanna even if said person claims to not care about Lyanna as a character) parallels are overrated and not important and they don’t care about Robert’s Rebellion characters but on their blogs there’s all these posts, fanarts and meta about Elia Martell - a Robert’s Rebellion character.

A so called book expert would note that GRRM has several characters outright compare Arya to Lyanna or mistake Lyanna for Arya in the books while Sansa has no such comparison. But no, the unbiased book expert thinks that the Arya-Lyanna and Sansa-Lyanna parallels are equivalent and are both overrated.That post just annoyed me excessively into writing this long ass rant post.

Why are these neutral, unbiased folks so interested in stripping away from Arya’s story?

In the books Jeyne Poole is masquerading as Arya Stark - but that story is only Jeyne’s, has nothing to do with Arya or Arya’s importance to the North. 

Arya is a strong warg, Nymeria and her wolf pack are a ‘Chekov’s wolf pack’ that GRRM has hung on the wall  -  Our expert opinion is that Direwolves are not all that important in the grand scheme of things.

Arya is pretty - why needlessly call Arya pretty, it adds nothing to Arya’s story and is all about sexualizing a child.

Arya-Lyanna parallels - why do we need these parallels, Arya is distinct and interesting without them.

These aspects are all important parts of the character’s story. There are so many very well written essays exploring these concepts with respect to Arya’s journey of self discovery in the books, the narrative significance of her parallels to Lyanna, her bond with Nymeria and her warging talents. For those who are interested, here are two bloggers who actually like Arya and have written about her character and character arc.

https://donewithwoodenteeth.tumblr.com/meta-masterlist

https://ashotofjac.tumblr.com/tagged/arya-stark

Some of these same people will rush to condemn any reading of the books that does not have Sansa wielding power at the end as being ‘Sansa hate’. But they will have no issues to undermine and devalue Arya’s actual book story, the relationships she has, the parallels she has, the skillsets she has, her appearance, her importance to the current story happening in the North.

There is a whole ass plot currently in the books of Northerners rallying for Arya Stark and preparing for battle against the Boltons for Arya Stark. But that’s not important because it’s actually Jeyne Poole and Arya’s story is about sailing off west of westeros.  But hey, Sansa will definitely go North and hold power and that’s like 100% happening because we are the unbiased book experts and we say it is so.

Or when all else fails - Arya is a Mary Sue, she’s a fantasy character, she’s a ‘strong female character’ because she fights with a sword, people like her because she’s a tomboy who fights. Sansa is realistic, Sansa is complex - but here are all the essays that basically transfer Arya’s complexity and story to Sansa - because it fits more with their fave, because these aspects would fit better with the traditionally feminine character even though they never tire of talking about how GRRM is deconstructing tropes. Because the trope deconstruction is only applied to Arya, Jon and Dany. Never Sansa.

And honestly, why are these people reading a high fantasy series if they hate fantasy and fantasy characters so much? We love Sansa because she’s so non-magical! Then go read non-fiction books. They also twist Jon, Arya and Dany into ‘fantasy’ characters - despite these characters going through some very real and human experiences. What’s fantasy about Arya’s experiences in war torn Westeros, Jon dealing with bigotry at the wall, Dany trying to rebuild Meereen, while dealing with famine, disease and insurgency?

Or how Jon and Dany getting any kind of happy ending or becoming rulers would be so boring, sweet, predictable, conforming to tropes, a happy ending etc. But Sansa getting love, romance, going home, becoming the Stark in Winterfell, getting her fairy tale ending - that’s totally what GRRM is going to do! No trope deconstruction there!  In may ways, Benioff and Weiss’ ending is not all that surprising -  Mad Queen Dany, Jon remaining a bastard with the freefolk, Sansa having power as a leader - are all popular theories among bnfs in the fandom. D&D wanting to wind up the show quickly with easily found fan theories is not that much of a stretch.

ASoIaF reddit is equally frustrating. Instead of Sansa stan bnfs on tumblr who pretend to like Arya and Dany while subtly undermining their story and importance, on Asoiaf reddit it’s Stannis stans who dislike Jon and Dany because these characters present a challenge to Stannis. The mere suggestion that Jon may play a role in the battle against Ramsay sends them into frothing at the mouth rage. They hate Jon, Jon is a Gary Sue because he dared advice Stannis - the greatest general ever - on Northern military strategy. Never mind that Jon grew up in the North and learned from Ned, how dare Jon Snow know more than Stannis! Unacceptable!

And I love Stannis Baratheon. I want Stannis to crush and defeat the Boltons. But unlike reddit dudebros, I can see that he is a secondary character, a tragic character who is most probably going to perish and Jon takes over because Jon Snow is a central protagonist in the story.

I feel it’s the same with Sansa. IMO, GRRM clearly doesn’t see Sansa in the same way as he does Arya, Jon, Dany, Tyrion and Bran. Whenever he is asked questions about the books, book plots, long term arcs, endings, age gaps etc it’s these characters he often brings up and references. It’s these characters who are important to him.

And that’s why there’s a lot of undermining and undervaluing of these character’s and their stories, them being described as fantasy characters, tropes, Mary Sues and Gary Sues, ableist rhetoric about Tyrion and Bran to undermine them.

I am damned certain that if it was Sansa who had all the parallels to Lyanna, or if she was the warg, or Jeyne Poole was impersonating her, this would all be ‘VERY IMPORTANT’ and on all the gifsets and essays. But she isn’t. So fandom bnfs are reduced to talking about how these aspects are not all that important anyway.

It’s like how this quote - ‘You may be as different as the sun and the moon, but the same blood flows through both your hearts’ turns up on gifsets every other day on the Arya tag but this quote - ‘Sansa could never understand how two sisters, born only two years apart, could be so different. It would have been easier of Arya had been a bastard, like her half brother Jon. And Jon’s mother had been common, or so people whispered’ very rarely does and will not get reblogged when it does.

Or when Sansa sees Joffrey trying to kill Arya and sides with Joffrey or when Sansa throws Arya under the bus and tells the Lannisters that it’s Arya who is the traitor - just sisters being sisters y’all!

It’s all about maintaining a certain narrative about Sansa - and when others point out her actual relationship with Arya in the books, we are accused of hating and wanting Sansa dead and how we should be criticizing Tywin and the Mountain instead. This is nonsensical whataboutism and ignores that people talk about  these aspects of the books because sometimes bullying, getting mocked for one’s appearance, abuse and neglect from parental figures etc. can resonate with certain readers unlike getting one’s head smashed in by Frankenstein.

At the end of the day, I wish these people would be honest about the characters they like and relate to. We are all biased. That’s why our opinions and interpretations are subjective. There’s nothing wrong in saying, hey, I like Sansa more than Arya or Dany, I relate to her character more.

I relate to Jon Snow a lot, I see things from his POV, I would disagree with the characters who disagree with Jon,  I enjoy his story at the Wall and the North. My interpretations of the text are therefore colored by my bias towards Jon. 

For others, it’s Dany or Sansa or Arya or Tyrion or Jaime. And that’s okay because these are fictional characters and liking one more than the other is not going to earn anyone woke points and lead to women’s rights.

And finally, there’s nothing edgy or cool about disparaging the central protagonists of a high fantasy series as being fantasy characters - go read other books if one is not into fantasy.