#as the story progresses he’ll start getting more talkative and less cordial

[ranger-danger]

Okay yeah the first chapter of the film noir au is going to be pretty damn long. A lot of editing to make sure the pacing and flow works, might have to split it up into two chapters and release them at the same time. It probably needs a prologue too. Also I need to make Lae a girlfriend.

But! I have the playlist done. Not that that does anything.

[oz-corp-uplink-t]

Good evening. I figured it would be a good idea to describe our area in detail, both the one we're in now and the one from whence we came. This will be in chronological order, from first discovered to most recently discovered. I hope you all don't mind the formality. This is simply how I normally converse, and I do not see any reason to be any more or less formal than normal.

--Homeworld: GemsGoldia--

Our Homeworld was a unique one, compared to the more Earthly planets of most other universes. It was an entire planet made of crystals and gems, and the general climate of an area depended on the gemstone that comprised the most of an area. Green Emerald areas were usually perfectly warm, red Ruby areas were much hotter and had a tendency to contain magma geysers, blue Sapphire areas were more or less frozen wastes, and a few other, more unnatural climates, such as constant lighting storms over yellow variants of gemstones, and complete and utter darkness in Obsidian areas.

When I first appeared here, I was the only one. I saw the Creator soon after, and he told me what I should do. The Creator's form in our worlds is quite odd, actually. He's two hands and a head, and he tends to change size often, though he's always bigger than me. His hands have white gloves, and I'm certain I've seen they are connected to his head by fishing line or puppet strings. His head is just a black sphere with extremely triangular teeth and large, red eyes. It's more intimidating than it sounds.

Anyway, the factory/research lab we started with was already built when I showed up, along with quite a few houses, all made of the Emerald the ground was made of, and there were exactly enough for those that would appear soon after. There was an unfathomably gigantic generator in a basement within the factory, which I was told created an artificial atmosphere around the entire planet. Evidently, this was true, as it was destroyed in the destruction of the planet, and we have recorded several corpses of beings that need an atmosphere to survive.

--A strange new land: Mirrold--

I had escaped the destruction of GemsGoldia, and I had to find my way back alone. I went through several places, most of which seemed familiar and sparked... Memories, of past versions of myself. My first iteration looked similar to the creator, but I had a pale skin tone, my eyes were humanoid, my hair was green, and I had some nasty claws. I was a throwaway, used to add plot to a normal 'roleplay' (Which, as he told me, simply describes writing a story with more than one person, which I find to be an interesting concept) between good friends. I was to stop a wedding by killing the bride or groom, the bride being an original creation, from his friend, and the groom being another one of those... Skeleton characters. I think they called them Blueberry. I mortally wounded them, and was destroyed in revenge.

My next iteration was similar to the 000 model. I can't remember what I did as them, but I do remember that the Creator and his friend made fictional children for fictional versions of themselves. Apparently, this was my longest running form.

Then, we're at what I am now. A product of His creativity, depression from a long-passed break-up, of which he has told me was his own doing, and fantasies of escaping His world, and coming to ours. His mental state has left our world in ruin, and it seems like he may want this one to have a similar fate...

...Oh, right. I need to be talking about Mirrold. Forgive me, I tend to get far off-topic if I think about our home...

Mirrold is a mirror world, which I found in an apparently magical mirror in the ruins of GemsGoldia, which acted as a portal to here. This place consists of four islands and a deep pit under them, which we call Lower Mirrold.

--The glass shatters: Shatternia--

Shatternia is the only entrance to Mirrold that we know of. After you enter the mirror, you come out onto a catwalk suspended above Lower Mirrold, which looks like pitch blackness. This catwalk ends at a concrete building, where the Brokem, Ozwald, and Cordial base models reside. This is at the southernmost area of the island. To the west of this, there is a thick forest with various weak monsters within. The foliage on this island is always colored in a mix of reds and blues instead of the normal green you'd expect. To the north of the building, there is a toxic lake, and a bridge leading to a canyon with a large gate at the end, leading to the only town in the area, Shardini. If you go east from the building, there is a tram station, which connects to the next island over, and allows for transport between them. North of this is a mansion under constant snowfall, which is reminiscent of the home the Creator had imagined being in when with their friend. The Creator put a copy of his past self, specifically from the period of major depression over his relationship, in Mirrold, and they occasionally show up at this mansion and cry to themselves. They are hostile to any trespassers, but reminders of this failed relationship will stop them in their tracks.

I do recall, now that I think of it, there was another skeleton who became partially Corrupt, but never fully turned, and who lived with the models in the concrete building. Actually, they may have been an alternate version of Blueberry. I think the models that live there called them "Grape".

--A major downgrade: Junkedville--

It's much larger than Shatternia, but it's mostly empty desert. There is an exception: Salvagius. This is the one town in Junkedville, near the northern edge. Our factory rests at the northernmost point, and the rest of the place is houses and establishments made of sheet metal. The pub here is highly popular, mainly because it's impossible to die from overdrinking, as they add special ingredients that prevent death or impairments from extreme amounts, without lessening the actual enjoyment of it, including the drunkenness. This isn't completely effective, unfortunately, as you can tell from my entire workforce being in alchohol comas.

I did say that Shatternia was the only entrance, but that isn't completely true. In the factory, we are very capable of transporting people using the multiversal portals we have. We also considered opening them up to other creations for this uplink, but we aren't sure if it matters much anyway.

--Eternal war: Magicant--

Magicant is a small place, and there's not much left by now. Mages populated this place quite heavily before the Corruption followed us here. They have allied with us for the destruction of the Corruption, but they have blown half their island out of the sky trying to fight. There isn't much left to speak of...

--Mixed up anomaly: Lower Mirrold--

Lower Mirrold is... Difficult to understand. It's split into five sectors. These five sectors change randomly into portions of different worlds, bringing buildings, landscapes, and people with them into our own. This has caused many visitors to suddenly show up without intending to, and many strange scenarios where multiple characters and worlds combine in strange ways, causing strange situations. One we have documented in particular is still in progress, and the events until now are as follows.

1: Subject A ( Short/overweight/male, generally known as a thief, wears yellow and purple clothes, a cap with his first initial on it, and cyan eyeliner) receives a message from Subject B (Literally a fucking sponge) that proposes an exchange for taking B's job for a day in exchange for a stockpile of treasure. Subject A accepts, drives into ocean and finds Subject B's workplace.

It should be noted these two should not have known each other at all.

2: Subject A falls asleep on the job, establishment burns down. Subject A flees and finds stockpile. Subject B fires a nuclear bomb at his neighbor to threaten the arsonist who burned down the establishment. Subject A is transported to an unknown location for approximately 7 hours, before Lower Mirrold shifts again and any further events cease.

We have reason to believe whatever's been happening here is still happening now, but we have been too occupied with everything else we can't be certain.

--Core of Corruption: Corrupti--

Not much is known of Corrupti, other than Sally currently resides there and controls the Corrupted from it's core. It rose from Lower Mirrold some time after the event above had ceased. We don't know what to do about it, all we know is that it's ruining everything we worked so hard to achieve, and that we must end it... But we do not know how.

------------------------------------------------------------

A few closing statements...

Firstly, I have been informed the Creator has documented the Lower Mirrold events mentioned above. I haven't been told where, though. Just that it's "On my tube", or something. If you happen to figure something out there, that would be helpful.

Second, I'm not completely certain the Creator has fully gotten over what happened with his relationship. I don't know if that's why he seems to be reluctant to help us, but either way I'm sure he'll figure himself out sooner or later. I hope, anyway.

Good night to you all. I hope you haven't forgotten us.

Oh, and to those of you in bad times, (lookingatyourox) just know your pain doesn't last forever, and all wounds can be healed with help and time. Also, do not try to end your pain early. It will only spreas your pain to others, and, if there is a place after life, give you a worse pain in your ghost.

...Sorry, if I'm being a bit too grim here. I'm in quite a grim mood, unfortunately. I think the Creator is, too.

[morningsound15]

Any chance I could get your head canon on Jesse in your Perdition story? Specifically in the moment Beca tells him about her and Chloe and the days leading up to him confronting Chloe? That confrontation scene, for me, is the most heartbreaking scene in the story. I love your story and how you write the characters.

Another really, really good question! Damn you guys are really out here digging into my thought process tonight.

To be quite honest with you, I didn’t want to focus on Jesse in this story basically at all. This may not have been my best decision ever (ignoring the way the affair hurt him, too, may have detracted from the overall emotional impact of it), but I really wanted the story to be about Beca and Chloe (Chloe specifically) and what the ramifications of cheating are when you’re the one caught up in the deception. I feel like a lot of media (maybe not fanfiction but media in general) gives us the perspective of the deceived partner, of the way that cheating hurts the person not participating in the affair. And I didn’t really want to write about that; I wanted to approach the story and the narrative differently, from the point of view of the ‘other woman’ so to speak.

(But also, the story is about Beca and Chloe as characters, and I worried that focusing on Jesse would both disinterest readers and detract from the overall central character – Chloe – who of course would have very little care for, perception of, or interest in Jesse aside from his role in keeping her from the thing she ultimately wants: Beca.)

But I will of course answer your ask since I totally understand the curiosity and definitely relate to it.

So I’m assuming this is asking something along the lines of: what exactly does Beca’s revelation DO to Jesse? How does he feel when he realizes that his girlfriend – the woman he’s loved for nearly 4 years – has been cheating on him for the entire span of their relationship?

Well… it’s not great, anon. Not great at all. In my mind, there’s a very specific sort of anger, fury, and devastation that hits Jesse when Beca finally comes clean, but one that creeps up on him slowly. In my mind, Jesse has always had an understanding of Beca as being somewhat-less-than-fully-present in their relationship – especially in Chapter 4/the second movie – but he attributes it to the stress of graduation or Worlds or her internship, more than anything. He doesn’t think it’s really about them, or the strength of them as a couple, but rather outside forces/extenuating circumstances. In my mind, the cheating catches him completely off-guard, because he never would have thought Beca capable. And to me, that’s partially because she has basically 0 male friends or interactions with men besides him, and also because he doesn’t have any sort of understanding that Beca is queer/bisexual.

Why do I think that Jesse doesn’t know about Beca’s sexuality? I don’t think it’s because of homophobia or heteronormativity – he’s a pretty progressive guy, after all – but because, in my mind she never tells him or discusses it at all until after everything falls to shit. And that’s not because Beca has any sort of internalized biphobia, or anything – I believe she knows who she is and what she likes and is comfortable with both – but because she worries that if she tells him, he’ll start over-analyzing her relationship with Chloe, and he’ll maybe catch on to this whole thing that’s going on between them.

So it catches him completely off-guard, and right after she tells him he completely shuts down. He suddenly starts goes back over every little thing in his head, every little interaction he and Beca have ever had, every touch and conversation, every time Beca would cancel plans or would show up to dates late and ruffled, any time she would bow out of spending time with him in order to run set lists with Chloe or go to some sort of Bellas event… In my mind, that’s when the paranoia really starts to grip him. He starts second-guessing every moment he’s ever shared with Beca – going all the way back to their first kiss – and he starts wondering if any of it was ever real.

He spends a few days not processing it at all (denial is the first stage of grief, as we know), before he becomes absolutely enraged. How dare Beca do this to him? And furthermore, how dare Chloe do this to him? How can she have stood on the sidelines for years, talking to him and joking with him and running group events with him, all the while going behind his back and committing the ultimate act of betrayal by sleeping with his girlfriend? Because Jesse hasn’t just been betrayed by his girlfriend – he’s also been betrayed by her best friend (Chloe, who he always considered a friend of his, too, if only for their equal devotion to Beca), and also the rest of the Bellas (he sees, when he confronts Chloe, that more than a few of them knew, as well). And he doesn’t understand it; can’t bring himself to understand what could have possibly made them do this, to him, for all these years. (It’s why he asks if they’re in love, when he confronts them: it would at least make sense, he could at least understand them being together behind his back for years if they were in love…)

That’s when he really breaks down. In my mind, the scene with him confronting Chloe is the first time he allows himself to cry about it. Because it’s all so unfair, it’s all so cruel, it’s all so terrible and painful and traumatic and heart-breaking and sadistic, and he finally just can’t stand the injustice of it all. So that’s the first time he lets himself cry.

I think he never really gets over it – just like Beca and Chloe never really get over it, either. He comes to accept it; he moves on (we learn at the end of Perdition that he and Beca have something of a cordial relationship, and that he’s been seeing someone new for at least a few months) but he never really gets over it. He doesn’t hold onto the anger or the fury or the betrayal or the grief, but it affects him – just like it affects all of them.

But he also comes to realize that his relationship with Beca was never as perfect as he thought. When he realizes that she’s been lying to him for years (once he gets a little distance and is able to examine it more critically) he realizes that there were always walls between them. And he understands those walls, now. He understands Beca’s reluctance, her awkwardness, the way she seemed to shy away from romantic attention and physical affection. He always assumed she was just that kind of person, but he comes to realize that it was really because of this huge, monumental secret she was keeping from him. So Jesse, too, is able to learn from all of this: he learns not to accept anything less than the relationship he really wants. He learns to express his frustrations openly, and to ask his partners when he thinks something is bothering them. I like to think that, though it was super shitty, in the end all of these characters learn something from what happened.

I hope that’s what you were looking for.

[laceyeb]

Jealous - Part 1

Valenna jealousy! Part 1 of at least 2 because I don’t like the ending yet... Set during the upcoming season. I never write in first person or present tense, so if I have weird tense changes (my pet peeve!), I apologize! 

Two weeks down. I still can’t believe it. I joked when we started this season that my goal was to at least get us past week two, but now we’ve done it. And we’re doing really well. We’ve probably got at least four more solid weeks in us before I really need to start worrying. I finally get to know what it feels like to have fun and relax and train and teach and enjoy the experience.

It’s not going to be an easy ride though. Sure, there’s the usuals who won’t be around too long. But they have to mix it up and have that variety of abilities. I would say there’s maybe four other couples I’m really worried about. They could be some serious competition. Of course it’s all about our journey and me being here for my partner and guiding him through this and us having fun together, but I’m allowed to be a little competitive, too.

As far as worrying about the other couples, top of the list is definitely Val and Sharna and their partners.

Now, I love Sharna to death, but I would not want to cross her this season. She has come too close too many times. She’s not about to let another one slip right through her fingers. They’re not going to be easy to beat.

Val is a different story. Selfishly, I really just want to get one more week further him. Maybe that’s a little petty and completely missing the point, but that’s why I said ‘selfishly.’ Obviously that’s not my main focus. I care more than anything about giving my partner the experience of a lifetime and helping him grow and learn. But still. Val’s in the back of my mind. Sometimes I feel a bit guilty, but then I see them together.

She’s not the best partner he’s ever had, but she’s still pretty fantastic. The time has long since passed when Val would get a less than stellar partner. But it has been quite some time since he’s had such a blatant “showmance” story line. And that’s basically a ticket to the semi-finals. Usually it’s at least a little more subtle than this, but everyone knows Val’s single now. Why not capitalize on that? It’s irritating. Not because I’m jealous because I’m absolutely not jealous. I couldn’t care less. That’s over. He made his choice months ago. We’ve moved on and I definitely don’t care. He can flirt and blush and act all nervous and cute all he wants. I don’t care. I’m definitely not jealous.

I turn to the door when I hear Alan walk.

“There you are.” I hurry to him. I love working with Alan. It’s probably my favorite thing about being here. He’s like a best friend and a little brother and a big brother somehow all rolled into one person. “Thanks, again.”

“You don’t need to thank me,” he says, dropping his bag on the floor. “You tell me where to be and when to be there and I’m there. That’s how this works.”

“And that’s my favorite thing about you.”

“That I’m always here?”

“That you do what you’re told.”

Alan rolls his eyes and takes my hand.

“What are we working on?”

“Rumba. I just need you as a body today.”

“And your partner is…?”

“Busy. He’ll be here this afternoon. I want to be ready to go for when he’s here, so we can make up for the lost time.”

Alan narrows his eyes and I already know what’s about to happen.

“Speaking of making up for lost time,” he says.

“Nope. I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to talk about it. Not here. Not now. He’s right down the hall. With her.”

“With her?” He repeats these words as if doesn’t understand them. Then it clicks. “Wow. You are so jealous.”

Now I roll my eyes. And I turn my back to him so he can’t see me blushing. “I am absolutely not jealous. They’re just playing it up for the cameras anyway. So even if I cared, which I don’t, it wouldn’t matter. It’s not real.” I walk away from him, avoiding his eyes in the mirror.

“Exactly.” His voice sounds quiet and far away. “It’s not real. So why are you jealous?”

I whip back around. “I’m not,” I snap at him. “Can we just do this?” I walk back to him and take his hand and I move us to the middle of the floor. When I turn to him, I see that look in his eyes and I know he’s about to apologize. “Forget it. It’s okay,” I tell him before he has a chance.

Alan nods, but I know he hasn’t let this go yet. We work for about an hour and I’m really happy with the progress we make. I have almost the entire dance mapped out, though I know it’ll still get minor tweaks and changes as the week progresses.

We sit down on the floor together to take a break and Alan doesn’t even wait a full five seconds before he starts again.

“So, you’re not jealous.” I open my mouth to argue, but he stops me. “You’re not jealous. Fine. For argument’s sake, let’s say that’s true. But you’re also not over him.”

I look across at Alan. If it had been anyone else sitting there, I know what I would have said.

“It’s been months. We’ve moved on. It’s over. We’re back to being friends and we’re fine.”

But it’s Alan who’s sitting with me now, so I tell him the truth.

“Of course I’m not. I’m not over him. I loved him.” I’m whispering now and probably blushing again, but I don’t really care. It feels good to say this out loud. “I still do. It’s not something you just get over. And I see him every day and I have to spend time with him and it’s hard. I mean, we’re friends again. Or we’re at least good at pretending to be friends again. It’s all very… civil, you know? Very cordial and formal. It’s so awkward. But I have to pretend like it’s not and I have to see him every day with her and I’m not jealous.” But Alan just gives me that look. “So, I am jealous, but not jealous of her because I know that’s not real. It’s the idea of her. It’s the idea of being her. With him. I don’t like that it’s her and not me.”

This is the first time I’ve been so honest with someone about Val. About the way I feel now.

“I don’t really know how to make this better for you,” Alan says. “I hate that because I like to know that I can always make you feel better. But this one might be too much for me.” We’re both quiet for a moment and then he says something I know he’s been holding in for a while. “Do you think maybe you should talk to him about this?”

“No.” That’s an easy answer. I’ve already considered that option. He made his choice. I had to accept it now whether I wanted to or not.

Alan chooses not to force the issue. We get back to work. I want to fix the end of the dance because I think it needs a bigger moment. It needs some more wow at the end. We run through from the top and we get to the end. Alan dips me back. When I come back up, he leans his face in close to mine instead of turning away like I had originally choreographed it.

“Better?” he whispers, his lips close to mine. “You could even throw a kiss in at the end.”

“I’ll have to ask him first if that’s okay. We probably won’t.”

We both jump at the sound of a voice from the door and Alan nearly drops me. We turn and see Val.

“Irony,” Alan mutters just loud enough for me to hear. I pinch him hard on the arm.

“That wasn’t what I expected to walk in on,” Val says. “You should probably close the door next time.”

“What can I say?” Alan says in a joking tone. “I couldn’t resist.”

I quickly step in before Alan says something he shouldn’t. “He’s just a body for me today. Rumba this week, so…”

“Where’s your partner?”

“He’ll be here this afternoon. Where’s yours?”

“Running late.” Val checks the time on his phone. “Said she’d be here be now.”

“Well, she has to take her time and look good for her man,” I say without thinking. I immediately regret it. I feel Alan tense beside me.

“Jealous, are we?” Val says. I can tell he’s trying and failing to keep his tone light.

“Of you and your fake relationship? I’m good.”

Val turns to Alan and grins smugly. “She’s jealous, isn’t she?”

Alan steps back from me and says, “I’m not getting involved in this.”

“There’s nothing to get involved in.” I grab Alan’s hand and decide to just ignore Val, hoping he’ll just get bored and leave again. “Let’s run it again.”

We start from the top and Val moves back to the door, but he stops and watches us. When I’m facing him, I avoid his eyes. When my back is turned to him, I can feel him watching us.

I don’t know what makes me do it. It had been Alan’s suggestion, adding a kiss at the end. But he doesn’t expect it when I lean in, so his reaction makes everything worse.

“Woah. When did we put that in?”

“It was your idea,” I say as if it was obvious.

“It was my suggestion. I didn’t tell you to plant one on me all of a sudden.”

“I should probably give you two some alone time,” Val says suddenly, his demeanor casual. But I notice that he doesn’t move any closer to the door.

“We’re just dancing,” I say, rolling my eyes. “No different than what you and your fake girlfriend do every day.”

I don’t know why this frustration has flared up in me so suddenly. Maybe because he’s able to walk into this room and act like there was never anything between us. It hurts me more than I would admit even to Alan to see him treat our relationship like this.

“Alright.” Val steps toward us now and his calm tone vanishes. “Should we talk about this? What is your problem with me right now?”

“I don’t have a problem with you.”

“Clearly you do. Get it out so you can get over whatever the hell this is?”

“So I can get over it?!” Now I’m angry. “Get over what?”

Alan moves past both of us without a word, walks into the hall, and closes the door. I don’t stop him.

“Whatever has you so pissed at me for no reason!”

“No reason?! Here you are walking in here accusing me of being jealous of -.”

“You are! You’re so -.”

“And you’re jealous of me and Alan, as if that would ever be anything!”

“What the hell are you talking about?! When did I say -.”

“I should probably give you some alone time,” I say in a mocking and vicious tone. “Close the door next time.”

“Are you kidding?! That’s a joke! Besides, you’re the one using him to make me jealous.”

I freeze now. I know this is bad. I know we should stop this before one of us says something we can’t take back. But it feels so freeing to have this out with him. To yell and scream at him and make him understand how I feel.

“Using him?” My voice is quiet now. “Using him? How dare you accuse me of that. I wouldn’t care if you were jealous or not. And I would never do that to him, especially not to make you jealous.”

“Well, you just did.” He stills, realizing what he has said.

“You’re a hypocrite. I have no reason to be jealous of you and your pretend girlfriend, but you -.”

“I’m not fucking jealous of you and Alan!” His voice has risen again. “Do whatever you want with him. Hook up with him. Don’t. I don’t care! Why should I?!”

I drop my head into my hands. I don’t know how we got here.

“I’m not hooking up with Alan. You’d have to be really stupid to think -.”

“And I’m not hooking up with -.”

“I know!” I shout and I look up at him again. “I know you’re not! But I don’t like it!”

This stops him. We’re both breathing heavily. I avoid his eyes. I hear him take a steadying breath.

“We need to stop. We need to stop yelling. Everyone will hear us.” I nod in agreement. His voice is small now. “Did you mean that? That you don’t like me and her together? Because we’re not together.”

“I know that,” I say hoarsely. My throat is sore from yelling. I feel regret and shame settling in, but I keep some anger in my voice. “And I didn’t mean it. I don’t care. I don’t care what you do with her.”

“Then I don’t care what you do with Alan.” His tone is childish, but I know I don’t sound any better and I don’t try.

“It’s not fair, you know? You being jealous of me. You chose this. It was your choice. You’re the one who ended it. You’re the one who said -.”

“I know what I said. I was there.”

I look up at him and quickly look away again. Looking in his eyes makes it all worse.

“What are we doing?” I whisper. “Why are we doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“I don’t know. Yelling. Arguing. Fighting. We were better. We were at least close. Everything was okay again and now we’re back to this. Why?”

“You really thought everything was better?” His tone isn’t angry anymore. He’s curious. Almost nervous.

“No,” I say honestly. “It wasn’t better. Somehow it was worse, pretending it was.”

“Then we need to fix this. Tell me how to fix this. Tell me what to do.”