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After much frustration and 3487857 times of trying a few of these, I finally made it through the most challenging content in Natlan. Now I can live.
#◟༺✧༻◞ what lays behind the mantle of faux stars ┊ooc.┊#I still want to get the Inteyvat namecard#so if any of you peeps would like to get it too#please let me know!#it has to be in EU though#as that's where my account is lodged in#but man I'm so proud of this#and now I'll happily get to write those headcanons#I kept talking about
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this nemesis ambition started out a little slow but I am getting closer to finding that bastard who killed my wife, and I’ll not rest a minute now that im far closer to on his trail
sorry got in character for a second
Anyways fun ambition so far very fucked up though
congratulations on joining the murder club anon!!!! depending on who you ask the name refers to either people who have murdered or people who have witnessed murder. usually both. actually extremely often both. it's a swell time you'll feel right at home (don't mind our collective skyglass knife collection in the back)
#im still not far into nemesis personally but im very much enjoying it#honestly in a weird way it feels like it's moving faster than HD did. which. is funny bc nemesis is like The gated behind item grinds quest#idk. HD was a fun slowburn where we adventured around gathering our rogues gallery before the action kicked in#nemesis on the other hand feels like im picking up halfway through a batman serial#fallen london#ask#it's WAY more fucked up right off the bat than HD was. honestly ive thought abt red honey for ages. that's so fucked up#and we LEAD with that?? Okay#definitely a horrors-filled ambition befitting caeru (the guy who's constantly going through horrors)#it really encourages you to get fucked up and freaky and in ur character's headspace at basically every step along the way#i only have HD to compare it too but HD was like. a lot more interpretative in comparison? at least to me. that's what it felt like#and i adore HD for that dont get me wrong here#HD just also waited until like. halfway through before it asked what the scoundrel actually Wanted out of its heart's desire#nemesis in comparison is right off the bat who died? who are you mourning? anguish. justice. there must be vengeance.#it's a delightfully different vibe!! i like it!!!#oh god sorry anon im doing the classic yin talking way too much in the tags thing again#i havent had much excuse to talk abt nemesis and what i think of it so far and of course its rp effects on caeru#but i do have a handful of thoughts on it#it's good. im liking it so far. it's starting very strong if nothing else. and i have no spoiler knowledge of what happens in the future#beyond the choice between rewards at the very end#and im SO curious how we'll get to that point. what horrors will we adventure through next? off we go to find out!#it's biggest glaring weakness so far is how horrendously grindy it is. and like. ive been warned and done my research ahead of time#im doing it on the same account im seeking. i knew what i was getting into. but also gots damn.#in comparison HD's 5-card lodgings and dreamgate feel like footnotes#anyway while im already way too deep into rambling did you know the honey trip gives you fate?? insane. why does it do that. hilarious even
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#amcseriously praying tbst pmore tickets dont sell out on thurs#i wouldvr been able to afford them this week but i rlly dont wanna dip intocmy savinfs if i csn helpcit !#so fsr theres a grand total of $200 spread across . 3 accounts and id likento KEEPNIT that way until thursday x#i cant even access the app of my bendigo acc soctjsts out of action until i call tje fucking bank !#but theres roughly $25 there or smth.#im trying to comceptualise where i am in the yesr bc like . i gotts book a flight for my oomf soon#and then . figure out . my living situstion#if i think abt this too mhch i eill panic bc i csnt do shit until i lodge my tax#NO WAIT .I CANNDO TJST NOW HOLD KN
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⚣ Jason Todd: NSFW Alphabet 🔴
⚣🔴 A/N → I forgot I had written these out and had them on my old account. Did a little fine-tuning to them though. WARNINGS: 18+ MDNI | it's an NSFW alphabet so just expect the unexpected and the expected.
⚣🔴 Words → 3.6K
REBLOGS & replies are greatly appreciated, please! 💛
⚣ ENJOY 🔴
A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
This man can go from rough and hard to soft and gentle in literal seconds. It’s like watching someone come out of a trance or possession. He’ll clean you up with a fresh rag and make sure you’re comfortable, especially if you’re sore (you’ll most definitely be). He’s clingy though.
You won’t get anywhere without him right beside you. And he won’t say it, but he loves it when you try to take care of him too. Jason is dominant and prefers to be in control, but that man is as needy as a newborn baby, and it gets 10x worse after sex.
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
Jason’s relationship with his body is difficult, but, if we’re talking about one where he’s healed, maybe been to therapy, and (slightly) moved on from his trauma, he probably favors his arms, chest, and hands. Jason prefers strength overlooking aesthetically fit, and he kind of always looks like he’s bulking but it's defined somehow. And because that adds to his overall size and level of intimidation, he loves working on those specific groups to increase them so he can in turn use them to intimidate people, especially those who try to flirt with you in front of him.
Now, on the other end, Jason is 100% an ass man. You can not change my mind. He loves you wearing any kind of tight or fitting material that molds to the shape of your butt and just being able to oogle and smack it when he wants. And smack it he does. Dude has the equivalent of 100 cheese necks in one palm and you feel it every time he lands one on your ass.
Bonus points if you have thick thighs that jiggle when you walk. He’ll be paying extra special attention to those, especially if you’re wearing any kind of short shorts or fitted athletic wear. He also has a slight obsession or fascination with your neck. Whether in the act or just chilling, his hands will somehow find their way to your neck whether it’s a gentle caress or a firm grip. And if he’s feeling a little possessive or riled up in the moment (which is frequent) it’s his favorite place to mark, and if you try to cover them up, it’s more motivation for him to leave even bigger ones. He likes it when people can tell and see that you belong to him.
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
More of an oozer than a shooter unless he’s been holding a load in for a while. And his loads are thick. He may not shoot far but he’ll definitely give you enough to fill the bottom of a glass.
Also, no questions asked, he’s coming inside you. You just have to choose if it’s going to be your mouth or ass. Don’t ask, it’s a territorial thing with him. The thought of you walking around and greeting people while his babies are lodged deep inside your ass or fresh down your esophagus does wonders for his pride.
D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
If you’re not around and he’s really horny, he’ll masturbate with a piece of your clothing. Sometimes, he’ll also call you in the middle of it and won’t tell you just so he can hear your voice while edging himself to completion.
He also will purposely start arguments with you so you can have a reason to have angry make-up sex later.
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
Some small experiences before he died, and little hookups here and there when he came back and was somewhat in a good place with Bruce and himself. That being said, he gets most of his experience from his relationship with you. He quickly learns what he does like and what he doesn’t, and makes it known to you immediately.
He also may or may not go to Dick for advice or tips on how to improve. Going to Bruce is out of the question. And not just because that’s still technically his dad.
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
Doggy for one. It’s something about him grabbing you by your hair or even better, around your neck and forcing your body against his while he pounds into you from behind. He gets an exhilarating high from having you at his mercy and you surrendering yourself to him.
He also does favor missionary if he’s in a slightly more tender mood. But, If he’s feeling jealous or pissed off about something, he’s putting you up against a wall or in a corner with his hands around your neck and ramming you like there’s no tomorrow. Your legs will not be functioning for 24 hours.
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
Tends to be more serious in the moment. When he’s in the mood, he’s fully in it. Especially if he needs to get his frustrations out. However, the sound of you moaning and screaming his name will definitely bring a smug grin to his face.
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
He keeps himself adequately groomed. May grow some facial hair and have a little bush down there along with a happy trail but he’s good about keeping it neat and clean. And, if you want him to, he’ll shave it all, no questions needed.
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
This he struggles with at times. It’s something he wasn’t given much of (especially with Bruce) so he doesn’t really know how to act when in those moments and he tends to get really uncomfortable, especially if it’s a particularly vulnerable moment for him. As far as during sex, he’s definitely on the more rough and brutish side, but he’ll always do his best to check on you.
It’s something he’s getting better at though. Even in moments without sex where you two are just lounging and sitting together, he’s good at reading you and knowing what you want or how to make you happy with small gestures and actions. He just wants to make sure you’re happy and that you feel loved (and that you belong to him and only him).
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
Mentioned with dirty secrets. Really only does it when you’re not around. He’ll rarely do it just for the heck of it. He prefers getting his pleasure from pleasing and fucking (owning) you.
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
Dominance/Submission (Power Play) - Jason has had many things happen to him that he didn’t want or couldn’t control. It’s basically what influences this kink more than others. You submitting to Jason, letting him lead and have full control in sex and even in domestic scenarios creates a very satisfying and pleasurable feeling inside him. It also serves as reassurance for him, knowing that you fully trust him to the point where you basically surrender yourself to him. Getting back to more dirty things, this kink can include other aspects such as orgasm denial, bondage (on you), and verbal affirmation of your submission (dirty talk).
Choking (giving only) - This plays into the dominant/submission kink as well. It’s a rush from the feeling of control he has over whether you get to breathe or not while pounding your brains out. But, he’ll never go too far and he hopes you know that. However, he’s not at all okay with it being done to him. He does not like his neck being touched at all for that matter. Call it PTSD from his time with Joker and other things that have happened to him in the past, so it’s a big no-no. Although, with time and him getting more comfortable in the relationship, if he gives you a clear consenting sign that he’s okay with it, he’ll allow a gentle caress and rub down his neck, but only from you. Anyone else who tries to touch him on his neck risks several broken limbs.
Mirror Sex - A key part of his possessive nature toward you. He loves seeing himself fuck into you and even more, his ego gets a big boost from seeing you turn into an erotic mess while he’s inside you.
Size Difference - The fact that Jason can pick you up and throw you around like a rag doll, dwarfs you in size, or that his clothes (even if you’re tall and broad) can look three sizes too big on you is a major turn-on for him. He won’t say it, but he likes the idea of someone smaller than him that he can protect.
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
Weird enough, the thought comes to mind that Jason has a weird obsession with having sex with you in tight spaces. Mainly, places like the shower or the car. It ties a bit into his power and size kink. Something about the size of his body towering over you in a small space riles him up like no other. It’s the feeling or sensation that he’s got you cornered that drives that feeling. Kind of like an outlet for him to deal with his trauma of when he was actually trapped/cornered.
Also, he has it in his mind that whenever you move in together, he has to fuck you on every single available surface in your place. Christening your home with your love is how he likes to think of it. Plus, he gets a nasty kick out of when guests are over, imagining in his mind that they’re sitting in places where he had you crying out and cumming on his dick multiple times.
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
#1:Jealousy & Possessiveness – The idea of you finding anyone else attractive, let alone giving them your attention which is only supposed to be reserved for him, he’ll be quick to snatch you into the nearest closet or bathroom to remind you who you belong to. And it doesn’t matter who it is besides your parents or his family. It could be the barista at the cafe, a random guy who gave you a friendly nod, or god forbid, an old classmate or co-worker you happened to bump into on the street. Jason is a selfish & protective little fucker who doesn’t even want to consider the idea of someone else thinking they can have what’s only for him.
#2: Clothes – Please, exercise caution when picking your outfit for any particular event. Jason’s never gonna tell you what you can’t wear, but keep in mind that again, he’s a selfish and protective little fucker who has the sex drive of a large animal. Wearing anything even slightly tight or a bit showy for his taste can and will land you in many situations where Jason has pulled you aside somewhere quiet and private to have at your body. And don’t let him catch others ogling your outfit or even giving you the slightest compliment or all hell is breaking loose. Not to say he doesn’t like it, he loves it. But, you’re for his eyes only. Now, if it’s his clothes you’re wearing out, please be aware that at some point, you may be buying him a new shirt/hoodie cause he’s about to rip it off you.
#3: Arguing – Something in that man thrives on chaos, and when you and he are going at it, he can’t help but get hard. And again, hot, angry makeup sex. Duh…
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)
He will not do any form of rape/forced play, including machoism and sadism. His vigilante life and past trauma already left a deep scar on him and anything that resembles that can and will trigger him. Plus, he knows he’s way stronger and doesn’t want to even take the risk of hurting you in any way.
Unless we’re talking Arkham Jason. That’s a completely different story.
He would clear it with you first that you’re okay with bondage and choking, but he doesn’t want it performed on him, especially the choking, as we’re already aware that he’s very sensitive about his neck.
Any extreme BDSM kinks like piss play or fisting is also a major turn-off for him. Exhibitionism is a straight-up no. Jason would rather drink from the Lazarus pit than have anyone looking at you in a state that he’s only allowed to see you in. Don’t even attempt to pitch the idea of a threesome or foursome or just any suggestion of bringing someone else in on your fun. It will turn into a major argument and not a good one that ends in happy fun.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
Inexperienced but picks it up quickly and learns what gets more of a reaction from you. He’s a fast learner and loves it when he’s able to drive you over the edge with his mouth alone. Also, if we’re talking about eating out, he’ll happily do it till the sun turns blue. There’s something about tasting you on his tongue that just really gets him riled up.
But, if we’re talking dick-sucking, definitely prefers receiving over giving. Jason finds it extremely hot seeing you go up and down on him with your mouth, especially when he grabs your hair or head and starts to force your head up and down or starts thrusting in your mouth. He loves seeing you slobber and choke all over him. And if you look up and give him a teary-eyed but submissive look, game over (in a good way).
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
Definitely fast and rough. And if it’s not, you can bet he’s delivering some powerful strokes that will have you squeezing and clenching your legs all around him. Plus, he notices the harder he goes, the more you squeeze yourself against him while pressing your nails into his back and biting at his skin, trying to silence your loud moans and cries. Though, it’s probably not the best idea because he’ll just go even harder to force those noises out of you. And, those are marks and scars he will PROUDLY wear.
It takes him time (if you even decide at all that you want him to) to learn how to move at a softer, slower, and more sensual pace. But, if it’s something you truly desire, he’ll work on it and do everything he can to make you happy. But, that doesn’t mean rough sex goes away. It actually makes it even more hot, especially when Jason is in one of his moods.
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
He’s not opposed to them. But, Jason likes to take his time with you. He doesn’t like to rush and hates the idea of feeling as if someone is going to interrupt him. No one should intrude upon your special time with each other. God bless (and protect) the unlucky souls that do.
But, if he’s really in the mood and he can’t get you to an ideal private place in a fast enough time, he’s not above pulling you into the nearest dark room or corner to get down and dirty, especially if he’s feeling a little territorial because someone decided they wanted to be brave stupid and hit on you. He’s more than happy to remind you who you’re in a relationship with. Or if you’re not in a relationship, then just who’s fucking you every single night, plain and simple. Either way, quickies to him are basically just his versions of reminders to you for what happens when he gets a bit jealous.
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
You’d have to move at a snail’s pace with him if you want to introduce something new to your routine. If it’s something small, then he may go ahead and give in to it, but Jason craves consistency and normalcy, and that includes sex. Asking him to try something new can hit a sore spot cause it may seem like what you two are doing now isn’t enough for you anymore.
But, if you reassure him it’s not that, and just slowly introduce the idea to him, (double points if he likes it off the start) then you’re definitely in for a treat. For you, and you only, he is willing to step out of his comfort zone, as long as it’s not too crazy or on his no-no list.
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
Depends on his mood and what prompted the sex. He could go for one round or two if he’s just feeling a little feral and wants a piece of you. If it’s a jealous or angry fit after an argument, you might wanna cancel any plans after, cause he’s certainly not letting you leave the bed, the house, or wherever you are until your legs are basically useless.
The same thing goes for the duration of a round, especially if you’ve got the good good (hehe). If you’re really giving it to him. Mans may be lucky to make it past 10 minutes, but that’s not too bad. It means he can cuddle you, or you cuddle him. Either way, cuddles are non-negotiable after a round. But, if you two just got done hashing it out over something or you decided to poke one too many of his buttons, he’s dragging it out as long as he can. This means exiting out of you whenever he feels like he’s getting too close, and denying you your own orgasm as well (that damn control factor strikes again).
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
Jason doesn’t own any toys and never really had an interest in them. It’s not something he’d really get into on his own and only would experiment with them if you asked. The most he’s got is handcuffs or rope he’d use for bondage but that’s as far as he would take it.
If you were to use toys, he’d definitely prefer him using them on you unless there was something else specific involved that didn’t cross one of his boundaries.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
50/50. If you’re teasing him, payback’s a fucker named Jason. He’ll kiss all your sweet spots, nibble on your chest, and barely give any attention to your dick/genitals. Especially if he’s in one of his ‘I want to hear you beg for me, tell me who owns you’ moods.
If he wants to get to the point, then you can expect to be promptly thrown onto the bed or whatever surface is nearby, and the most he’ll do here is tie or cuff your hands so you can’t touch him, knowing how much you like to feel his body while he’s ramming yours.
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
Jason’s loud. But, in a very grunty-like way. You may have to fight tooth and nail to get him to moan for you, but by golly is he expressive when you manage to get it out of him. For the most part, though, he’s giving grunts, growls, and grumbles. You’ll mainly hear him whisper into your ear, reminding you that he’s the one currently plowing your guts and that no one else is allowed to see you like this but him.
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
He likes fucking you with clothes on frequently. You’re wearing a tight compression shirt that’s showing your pecs, abs, and just overall body, he’s got you bent over a surface while oogling your muscle constricting under a shirt. Wearing a jockstrap or thong in the gym and he can see it, he’s pulling them down and that underwear aside just enough to get inside you. You’re not complaining though. If he’s wearing his own compression and muscle shirts all the better for you, getting to ogle and rub his muscles while he’s hammering inside of you like an animal.
He also really enjoys massages. Particularly on his shoulders, back, and chest. He loves it when you lick and play around with the head of his dick and when you run your fingers through his hair while his face is buried in your neck kissing and leaving marks all over.
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
Bigger than average.
8-9 inches minimum. He’s thick and girthy down as well. Maybe narrower at the base with a really large and bulbous head. Entering can be a bit of a challenge, but it gets easier the further he gets inside. Also has a curve to his dick.
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
Jason has a fairly high sex drive and the Lazarus pit only increased that. His libido can sometimes be more emotion-driven so feelings of love, anger, or even just a slight irritation will get him hard.
Maybe you’re not fucking every hour of the day, but he’s gotta have you in some shape or form at least once or twice a day. Whether it’s a blowjob, hand-job, or one of his jealous reminder quickies.
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
He can go to sleep fairly quickly, but only after he’s properly cared for you and cleaned you up. Also, he has to have your body pressed against him. Cuddles are vitally important and you should never once not want to cuddle him. It’s the one intimate thing he’s got down perfectly to a T.
However, he has more than once fallen asleep while still inside you and in the position you both finished in. It can lead to a comfortable or uncomfortable scenario, depending on the situation.
☀️ | Jason Todd/Red Hood | ☀️
☀️ | Masterlists | ☀️
#solar-wing ☀️#☀️🪽.fanfic#☀️🪽.dcposts#☀️🪽.hcs#☀️🪽.alphabet#☀️🪽.explicit#☀️🪽.txt#gay#dc#dcu#dcau#dc universe#dc comics#dc imagine#dc x reader#dc x male reader#x reader#x male reader#jason todd#jason todd imagine#jason todd x reader#jason todd x male reader#jason todd x m!reader#red hood#red hood imagine#red hood x reader#red hood x male reader#red hood x m!reader
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so i’m curious about your enjoyment of pain as someone who also enjoys it. do you like all types of pain? what’s the like. intensity cut off? do you have favorite and least favorite pain sensations? for me personally i sort of like getting zapped, and also getting lightly burned, but not enough to actually leave a burn if that makes sense? like the sensation of having something slightly too warm pressed against my skin for too long is nice but i can’t stand actually healing from a burn wound (there was one time i literally couldn’t sleep due to a burn on my thumb). also bruises are nice. like pressing on them. but i absolutely can’t do cramps of any kind. anywayyyyy i curious about your opinions <3
JAMES CEMETERYTHING PAIN ASSESSMENT (or: i am asking you to get weird with it):
DISCLAIMER: this is a subjective account of my personal experiences with pain, and not intended in any way to dismiss other people's perfectly valid personal experiences, or to promote self-harm or violence towards oneself or others. obviously your body is yours to do with as you wish, but i accept no responsibility for those choices you make. please be kind to yourselves and each other.
- bruises: friendly short-term companions that occasionally stiffen, ache and throb in response to movement and touch. they have pretty privilege but fortunately i like that in a wound.
- scratches: zingy, sharp, and refreshing. like biting into a ripe but still sour berry. sometimes they swell up a little while they're healing. these are the best kind of scratches because they have tenderness and texture that's fun to touch.
- cuts (ie: anything deeper than a scratch, but not puncture/impaling wounds): the pain has a more intoxicating, overwhelming effect than scratches, which can be a good or bad thing. temptingly slippery and reactive to touch, but the risk of infection is a looming threat that takes some of the fun out of the act. cleaning them out can be an enjoyable compromise.
- incisions, stitches, and other consensually inflicted forms of wound (eg: tattoos): the choice and intention you have in the matter makes them more satisfying to experience, and your body's reactions (tensing, gritting your teeth, and breathing sharply through the waves of pain running through your body from the focal point of entry) can be exciting to bear witness to if you allow yourself. please engage in this one responsibly and safely.
- broken bones: immediately nauseating, but the dull ache of a healing bone after it's fractured has an almost comfortingly omnipresent quality to it that i find myself nostalgic for when it's gone. the occasional shooting pains you get when you move wrong, however, are too fleeting and sharp to really enjoy.
- muscle/joint injuries and pains: sickening and hateful. they burrow too deep to easily root out, but remain close enough to the surface to make you feel clumsy and unwelcome in your own body; a throbbing tumour ejecting waves of pain into the world. demanding and ungrateful, relieving them is the only thing they're good for. a notable exception is muscle aches from pleasurable/satisfying experiences, which carry that muscle memory and can redeem themselves in the process.
- headaches: really depends on where and how intense they are. i kind of enjoy the headaches that build behind my eyes, and will roll them and blink exaggeratedly to send little starbursts of pressure-release shooting through my skull. headaches that gather around my temples or build at the bridge of my nose, on the other hand, are unwelcome intrusions.
- impaling/puncturing wounds: perhaps a controversial opinion, but the penetrative aspect is probably the least interesting part to me. the aftermath - having a foreign object lodged inside you, surrounded by shrieking nerves declaring their resentment at the intruder, or a vacant hole of emptiness and strange new sensation where once was untouched flesh - is when things really start to get exciting.
- burns/debridement: generally considered the worst kind of pain, and i'm somewhat inclined to agree. it's hard to find much of a silver lining in having your skin flayed from your body layer by agonising layer. i think it's down to a similar issue to the one muscle cramps present - you're too trapped in the mundane misery of having a body, with no adequate distraction or fascination to make up for it. i do find the way that they heal to be interesting, though. the itching and oozing and peeling is by no means pleasant, but it is a disgustingly welcome relief from what came before. and the shiny new or scarred skin left behind feels like a kind of victory medal. a badge of endurance.
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⇝ refuge .
Simon "Ghost" Riley x Fem!AFAB!Reader.
PART FOUR OF MÉNAGE.
SUMMARY: After a mission goes wrong, the 141 seek shelter in Ghost's so-called "safe house".
WARNINGS: Canon typical violence, blood, wounds, stitching of wounds, mentions of abuse, first fluff in a while.
A/N: My fingers hurt I'm actually going to pass out now goodbye <3 (PLEASE DON'T FORGET TO COMMENT AND REBLOG IF YOU ENJOYED IT HELPS A LOT!!!)
WORD COUNT: 11.2k.
MASTERLIST.
If you want to be tagged in future works, please follow and activate notifications on this account - @lilynottaken !
Also on Ao3!
Ghost’s hands were covered in blood.
Although this was nothing out of the ordinary for a trained soldier like him, as he’d washed away many gallons of blood off of him in the time where he’d been on the field, this was different.
It wasn’t the enemy’s blood that covered him, no. It wasn’t even his soldiers’ blood.
It was civilian's. People that had been going about their day. Casualties in the mess that had erupted with a single missed bullet.
It was his fault.
If he hadn’t let himself grow distracted with the banter that erupted from his ear piece, if he had paid more attention to the target Laswell had given him, he would’ve been able to game end them right there and then like he had many before, instead, the bullet lodged right in his chest above the heart, enough time to stun the man but not enough to stop his other hand from clicking the detonator.
The chaos that had followed was indescribable. He could still feel his ears ringing from the explosion that had occurred, the screams of the people he could have saved, the panicked shouts and roars from Price as he ordered them about.
Ghost followed the order mindlessly, his body on some type of autopilot that had been turned on after the shock, taking out the other targets that had been lingering around until the bomb had gone off, his emotion-fueled mind taking out it’s anger on them by tearing them apart in the most gruesome ways possible.
But he knew that covering himself in as much enemy blood as he could wouldn’t wash away the innocent’s.
It wouldn’t wipe away the countless deaths he’d caused.
But as he watched his final victim bleed out on the ground, ignoring their screams of pain and the insults that were being hurled at, Soap’s voice came through his earpiece.
“Bastard’s gone. Cannae find him anywhere.”
Ghost’s blood boiled, combat boot slamming down onto the man’s head to finally shut him up, a last act of mercy and a way to express the anger rushing through his veins.
Even after they’d retreated back to the base they’d made theirs in the outskirts of Berlin during their mission there, Ghost couldn’t shake his disgusting feelings off his shoulders.
He’d never been the one to cause such a massacre like this. It was always some rookie or other, never a seasoned Lieutenant like him.
Soap and Gaz’s conversation was just static to his ears, his mind spiralling as he thought about all the people around the city who had lost a family member today because of him.
It wasn’t the first time in a mission where there’d been casualties. But never as many as this. And never had it affected him like this.
The empathy he’d lacked almost all his life had suddenly made itself known in his mind, the little voice gnawing at the back of his head as it fed him scenarios linked to the mission they’d just failed, impossible if he were to think about them clearly, but right then, he couldn’t stop his heart from beating as fast as it could against his ribcage as he thought about the possibility of you or Tommy being involved in something like that, of having to carry the guilt that would no doubt haunt him all his life if that were to happen.
He fucking hated it.
He’d been deep in thought when they finally arrived at the base, the humvie’s doors opening as the other three stepped out, Price the only to take note of Ghost’s dishevelled state.
“Lieutenant.”
…
“Ghost.”
…
“Simon!” Along with the bellow of his real name, the captain’s hand came down to slam onto one of the leather seats, finally pulling Ghost out of his stupor. “We’re here.”
“Copy.” He grunted, pushing himself out of the car and following his captain and the other two back to base mindlessly, almost like a zombie.
It didn’t get better from there. Even as Laswell reassured him that it hadn’t been anyone's fault, that they hadn’t planned on the man wearing a gun vest, that even if he had succeeded in shooting him down, he wouldn’t be the only one with a detonator as found in one of the man’s lackey’s front pocket, that the explosion would have happened either way… He couldn’t help but still feel horrible.
“Any idea where he is, then?” Price asked, looking through some of the files they’d been given on their runaway.
“Probably went back home.” Gaz suggested, pointing out the address for a flat he had somewhere in the outskirts of Manchester.
“Called the airport, they told us a man with similar build and looks boarded a plane for Liverpool over two hours ago. He’s probably already out of the airport.”
Soap clicked his tongue, looking down at the address Gaz had mentioned before. “That’s his maw’s flat. Reckon he’d put ‘er in danger?”
“Doubt he’d care. He was happy to kill countless people for his cause, including his men and himself, what’s one more?” Ghost grunted, throwing the file down and leaning back in his chair, sharp gaze focused on the digital map Laswell had brought up, looking at the location of the terrorist’s house.
“It’s not near any major buildings and isn’t close enough to the city to cause a commotion.” Laswell noted as she looked over the hills and lakes that surrounded the small house. “Good hiding place.”
“And if he’s not there?” Gaz asked, handing all the files back to Laswell, who gave him a solemn look.
“We keep trying. Go get ready, I’ll call for a heli to take you all back to England. Try and get him, preferably alive, but be wary of any more guards or lackeys he might have brought with him. You’re all dismissed.”
Everyone was armed to their teeth by the time they’d made it back to English territory, night vision goggles pulled above their head as they had realised the trip took a bit longer than expected due to the cargo they had been asked to bring back to England in the process, the sky darkening even further with every second they spent on the helicopter.
“Ghost, how copy?” Price shouted over the sound, elbowing Ghost in the side when he didn’t seem to hear him.
“What?!” Ghost shouted back, forcing out the pressure that clogged up his ears in order to hear properly.
“How are you?! Never seen you this melancholic!”
Ghost huffed out a laugh, tightening the straps of the seatbelts around his chest, as if they were the one putting pressure on his lungs.
“Fine, captain!” He snapped, turning to look out of the small window row behind them. “Just ready to kill this fucking bugger!”
“Copy that!” Price slammed one of his burly hands onto Ghost’s shoulder, an act of encouragement the captain found himself giving to each of his members every time they went on a mission.
After that, the helicopter went quiet, focusing on the mission ahead of them.
Which in foresight, was expected to be relatively easy, a copy of many before them where they’d all come out victorious.
But this one differed.
The target wasn’t even that dangerous in itself, he was just some bloke who had had the brilliant idea to make an organisation that had somehow ended up planting bombs in almost every major city under the government and army’s radar. It hadn’t been up to now where they had finally learned who was behind it and where their next target was, but even then, they’d failed in protecting the civilians.
Something they had spent almost a year investigating, fighting, taking down so many factions across the world to get to the top of the pyramid, the man behind it all.
And fuck, if Ghost wasn’t going to make all the time he’d spent stressed and infuriated out of his mind on a wild goose chase for this fucking guy worth it. If he’d never fucking existed, the task force wouldn’t have gone through all that just to lose him, he wouldn’t have ruined the relationship he’d began with you, he would’ve had a proper go at being Tommy’s dad from the get-go.
But a group of people that had afforded to build and plant so many bombs across so many countries, were to have enough money to hire bodyguards en par with the skill the 141 had.
And that’s just what they had.
Just like them, they were well-equipped with as many guns and weapons that the group’s money could buy, and while normally most men like these were just random guys picked off the street who had had guns shoved into their hands, these weren’t. They were trained, skilled enough to almost knock Soap’s gun out of his hands, and although that wasn’t what had happened, it had given them enough time for one of their bullets to graze his leg, not enough to fully bury itself into the flesh but enough to make him bleed and buckle to the ground.
Ghost grabbed Soap by the scruff of his jacket, quickly disposing of the man that had shot him and pulling him up, letting the scot lean on him for balance.
“Captain, Soap’s been hit!” Ghost roared into his radio, letting Soap lean on the wall while he grabbed some bandages they were always advised to bring and helped Soap in stopping the bleeding that the graze had caused. “Can you walk, Johnny?”
“Feckin’ adrenaline’s runnin’ through me, LT., could carry a horse if ye told me to.”
“Atta boy.” He handed him his gun so he could defend himself while they got out of the top floor. “Sir, the first floor’s clear. Taking the sergeant back to the car.”
“Roger. Be careful, fucker’s nowhere to be found down h- Fuck, Gaz!”
The sound of a gun going off and the roar from their captain made both men freeze in place, the dying grunts of someone coming through the radio before Gaz finally spoke, voice wheezy and hurt.
“‘M fine, just- Fuck, that cunt stabbed me!”
They made their way to the bottom of the stairs, where unfortunately, one of the men was waiting for them, stabbing their tactile knife right into Ghost’s shoulder thanks to the fact that he’d switched off his night vision goggles moments before, and wouldn't have seen them in the dark.
“Fuck, where do they keep comin’ from!?”
“Captain!”
“I see ya! Ghost, Soap, meet us outside, there’s not enough of us to take these fuckers out!” Price commanded, all of them responding with a “Roger!” before barreling their way out of the house, shooting a few more men in the process until they both shoved themselves into the car, Ghost immediately grabbing at the keys and pushing them in, getting everything ready while they waited for the other two, that quickly retreated into the back and slammed the doors shut, the captain slamming his fist into the back of GHost’s seat and ordering him to drive.
“Oh for fuck’s sake.” Gaz cried out as he held onto his wound, planting his feet on the floor as he realised who was driving, both him and soap squeezing their eyes shut as the blond slammed onto the accelerator, bringing the car out of the rocky driveway of the house and back out into one of the main roads.
As the adrenaline started to fade from all of them, Price lazily raised a hand to grab at Soap’s shoulder, looking down at the bullet wound. “Still in one piece?”
“Yeah… Don’ think Lt. can say the same.” He pointed over to the stab wound in Ghost’s shoulder, that luckily had been right over his tactical gear, so it hadn’t caused as much damage as the perpetrator clearly intended.
“‘M fine, Johnny. Worry about yourself.” He grunted, trying to ignore the pain that came with taking a turn with the steering wheel, every single time he moved his arm striking pain into the wound, the adrenaline from before having done a good job at keeping him from realising the amount of pain he had been currently in.
“What about you, Gaz?” Soap called out, turning his head to look at the other as Price got his radio out, planning on informing Laswell on the second failure of the day.
“Not dead.” He joked, tightening the bandage around the cut on his arm. “Gonna need stitches or something.”
Everyone went silent as Laswel’s voice came through the radio, broken and incomplete, but they could slightly understand what she was saying.
Of course, the terrorists had also managed to hack into their servers while the task force was on their way and had made preparations for when they had inevitably barged into their house to arrest the man.
The base back in London was almost a four hour drive away, and they doubted that their wounds would be in perfect condition after that long of a time, they needed to be disinfected and treated as soon as possible.
“Any safe houses ‘round here that we might have access to?” Price called out, listening to what he assumed was Laswell looking through files.
“None that they don’t have access to.”
“Hospital?”
“Too far.”
All of them collectively sweared, Ghost’s grip tightening around the wheel as he took a right into one of the roads leading towards Manchester, the same road he took every time he came back from base to see you.
You…
“Don’t you live in Manchester?” Gaz called out, kicking Ghost’s seat like a kid asking if they were there yet.
“Not safe. If they have the locations of our safe houses, they have the locations of our own.” Price called out. “Unless one of you has a secret house off the grid or some James Bond mansion.”
Silence filled the car.
Now, it had passed through Ghost’s head when they first started talking about safe houses, but it wasn’t really his house, after all. It was yours, Your space, your flat, your building. Not his. He was nothing but some sort of weird tennant.
And his flat would have been the first place to take them to if it hadn’t been compromised, but now that he knew that that idea was out of the picture, he couldn’t help but continue thinking about your flat. With the safety kit he’d given you once after Tommy had gotten a scratch; with the pullout sofa he used every time he was over; with all the warmth and comfort he wished for every time he finished a mission.
And he knew it wasn’t fair on you, it was extremely late compared to the times he came back in the night, you were probably fast asleep curled in your bed like you always where when he checked up on you; and it wasn’t fair to suddenly just shove three more men into your personal space, but as he took another turn and his shoulder throbbed, as he heard Gaz hiss whenever the car bumped a little, as he watched Soap try his best to stop the bleeding occurring from his wound, he knew that the worries Simon had couldn’t overcome the panic and danger Ghost was in. This was an emergency.
“Know somewhere, sir.” Ghost spoke out, his voice hoarse, as if he’d been keeping the secret deep inside of him for longer than a minute. “Safe house, I mean.”
“You’re certain it’s safe?” Price questioned, Laswell going silent on the other side of the radio as well.
“Positive.”
That’s how he found himself copying the exact route he always took to your place, passing the same pubs, the same shops, the same flats… Up until he parked a few blocks away from yours like he always made sure he did.
“This it?” Gaz asked concerned as he gazed upon a closed Greggs, Ghost letting out a huff of amusement.
“No, a bit further up.”
Since Ghost and Price were the only ones who were able to walk without limping, they took it upon themselves to be the ones to help the other two reach the building, Ghost’s hand inexplicably shaky as he stuck the key in like he’d done over a dozen times before, shoving them all into the elevator.
“Quiet.” He hissed to them as Gaz let out a small pained cry, not wanting to wake up the ever-so irritable neighbours or cause you any alarm if you were still awake.
He felt bad as he slotted the second key into the door, thinking about how scared you could be if you heard him coming, pushing it open with his healthy arm and letting it creek open. “Don’t open any doors. Find a place to sit. Don’t move, don’t make a sound, don’t interact with anything.”
The three nodded at his warning, Gaz and Soap slumping onto the sofa as soon as they could and Price taking a seat at the island as Ghost slowly closed the door and turned on the light, dimming it down so it wouldn’t alert you nor Tommy.
As Gaz and Soap whispered between themselves, wondering how the hell Ghost kept a house in such a tidy and pretty state (“Reminds me of my maw’s.” Soap had commented, making Gaz nod and laugh.), Simon pushed open Tommy’s door, listening in to the telltale sound of his son’s breaths to make sure that he was okay, turning around to find Price looking at a small stuffed animal sitting on the counter along with a dummy, his eyes wide in realisation as he turned to his lieutenant.
“Simon-”
“Yeah.” He brushed past, tapping on the back of Soap’s head to catch his attention. “Up, I’ll deal with you first.”
“Oh, I’m honoured!” He said in a faux-british accent, lifting himself off the sofa with his help and leaning against one of the walls Simon had placed him against.
“You’ve got a really nice gaf, didn’ expect this from ya.” Gaz commented as Ghost looked through some of the drawers around your flat, trying to remember where the hell he’d seen you put the medkit last.
“Yeah, you're a classy one aren’t ya, Lt.? Place’s better than mine, I mean, have ya seen your sofa?” He chuckled, signalling towards the plush pillows Gaz was leaning against now, the cute crocheted blanket hanging on the back.
Ghost ignored all of their remarks, slamming one of the drawers shut and pulling himself up, nodding towards your bedroom door. “Shut up. I’m going to check the bathroom. Not a word.”
Soap seemingly assumed that the door Ghost had gestured towards was the direct entrance into the bathroom, so in order to help his lieutenant out a bit, his hand moved towards the doorknob while Ghost started pulling off his combat boots, not wanting to make a sound when he went into your room.
But, apparently, the small sounds they’d been making should have been his main priority, by the way you were almost waiting at your bedroom door with a gun raised to Soap’s forehead, ready to shoot just like he’d taught you in a situation like this one.
“Steamin’ fuckin’-”
Ghost couldn’t rid himself of his boots fast enough before Soap’s hand was instinctively around your neck, the adrenaline that was rushing through both of your veins making it easier for him to ignore the pain shooting through his leg to defend himself and for yourself to scratch and pull at the hand around your throat.
“Soap!” Price shouted as he pushed himself off his seat, noting the panic that had filled Ghost’s normally stoic eyes at the mere sight of you in pain, slowly putting two and two together.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing!?” Ghost roared, abandoning his shoes as soon as he saw your eyes roll back into your skull, a telltale sign that you were about to pass out due to the scot’s strong grip on your neck, while normally it would’ve taken way longer for someone to pass out.
The sight of your legs going limp in Soap's grasp was enough for Ghost to see red, moving like he did on the battlefield to reach Soap, grabbing him by the neck and throwing him onto the ground like a ragdoll, secretly hoping the grip he’d grabbed him with was strong enough to cause him the same pain you were undoubtedly in, arms immediately rushing towards your flailing body and pulling you into his chest, one of his gloved hands holding the back of your head as the other pulled your shaking legs up.
He didn’t really care that he might’ve seriously hurt Soap, gaze and attention fixed on the tears running down your cheeks and the paleness to your normally warm skin, the wheezing breath leaving you as your body tried its best to regain the breath Soap had just stolen from you, your hands clinging to his tact gear instinctively as you coughed with every attempt to breathe.
Once he made sure you were definitely still awake and breathing, he brought you closer to him, the hold on you similar to some desperate attempt at the bridal style, almost like a mutt protecting its territory.
“What the fuck, were you thinking, Saergant!?” He shouted, glaring down at the man, who was rubbing at his neck looking up at you both in confusion.
“Well, I’m sorry for protectin’ myself against someone who was armed, Lt.!” He shouted back, being helped back up by his captain, who seemed torn between who was in the right and who was in the wrong.
“Did you even stop to think-”
“Oh, because you feckin’ warned me about the armed woman who’d be waitin’ for us!” Soap interrupted, coughing out.
Ghost clenched his jaw, turning to make eye contact with Price, who just shook his head at him, imploring him to just let go.
“We’re all stressed. It slipped Ghost’s mind to tell us about her and you shouldn’t've had reacted like that. You’re both in the wrong.”
Neither of them spoke, knowing that the Captain, as always, was right.
“Go take care of her.”
He didn’t have to tell Ghost twice. He and Soap shared one final glance, one that only they knew what meant, full of words neither of them would dare to share out loud, but they understood.
The gun luckily hadn’t gone off during the whole kerfuffle, letting Ghost lean down and pick it up carefully, clicking on the safety before sliding it into one the spare holsters, not trusting himself enough to carry a loaded gun while you were still in his arms.
He pushed the door open, your coughs continuing as your eyes started fluttering open, trying to drive away the flurry of tears that were still streaming down your cheeks and wetting your clothes, a broken croak of his name leaving you.
“It’s me, don’t worry. Just me, love. Just me.” He reassured you the whole way back to the bed, propping you up onto the soft mattress and letting you fall back, kneeling onto the carpeted floor and letting his head rest against the sweet-smelling covers, lifting his head as one of your hands pawed at his mask.
He tried ignoring you for a few moments as he took the gun back out and expelled the mag, squeezing his eyes shut as another one of your sobs reached his ears, shoving the gun and mag back into the drawer it had been in before finally turning to look at you properly.
“Simon…” You managed to get out, cringing at the sound of your voice, still slightly delirious from the lack of air in your brain. “What… It- It hurts…”
“I know, I know. I’m sorry.” He whispered, grabbing at your hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Just breathe f’me. It’s okay. No one’s going to hurt you.”
He didn’t even know what he was saying at this point, just reacting to every single thing he usually told himself when he was in the midst of a panic attack ever since he was young.
“Who…”
Your eyes darted over to the door, where both of you could still hear the other talk, flinching as one of them spoke a bit too loud.
“They’re with me. Soap, he was the one to… I’m sorry. I should’ve warned you before coming, we were in the middle of a mission and-”
“Oh my god, Simon!” You cried out, startling the both of you. You propped yourself up, shaking a bit due to the dizziness but grabbing onto his non-wounded shoulder all the same. “You’re bleeding!”
In the midst of everything that had just happened, he seemed to have forgotten the stab wound, his free hand coming up to touch at the now drying blood with a hiss.
“It’s fine. Listen, you-”
“No! It’s not fine, oh my god!” You felt a bit queasy as you noticed the blood that also stained his hands and tact vest, hoping to god that it was his even though deep down you knew that it wasn’t. “What- How are you so okay with this!?”
He grabbed both of your hands before they reached to grab at his wounded shoulder, staring deep into your foggy eyes. “Don’t worry about me.”
Don’t worry about him?
He was fucking freebleeding in the middle of your bedroom like it was a goddamn hobby! How could you not worry about him!?
“I’m fine. How’s your throat?” He let go of one of your hands to bring it up to your neck, fingers softly grazing against a few darkening spots adorning your skin, reminders of what had happened before.
“It… It still hurts to speak. Kind of.” You closed your eyes as the tough material of his gloves brushed against you so gently, surprised that such items that had been used to rip countless people apart were capable of a touch so sweet, so soft, so caring…
You swallowed, the movement of your throat beneath his hand quickly alerting himself of what he was currently touching, holding, and making him let go, going back to search for your other abandoned hand, making it easier for him by raising it and meeting his halfway.
“I’m sorry. For not telling you we were coming.” The apology seemed to slip from his lips oh so easily, compared to when you’d first let him in to explain himself, when he’d clearly physically struggled to speak those two damned words…
“‘We’?” You repeated, feeling his hands tighten around yours.
“Soap’s not the only one. Price and Gaz are also here.” He explained, his eyes motioning towards the door. “We were compromised, in a way. Needed somewhere to go, and I just…”
You looked away, already knowing the ending of the short recap of the night, looking down at your linked hands, gaze darting back up to the blood staining his arm.
“It’s… Fine.”
It really wasn't. You knew you had every right to be angry with him and the three other men he’d brought along, this was your flat! Your home, your building, your living room they had no doubt made their own in the small time you’d been in the bedroom with Simon, and without even thinking about the bruises forming at the base of your neck you already had enough reasons to let your anger boil over.
But you stayed silent as he waited for you to snap, to scream at him, to add even more salt in the wound that had formed both mentally and physically tonight; silent as he took your hands and helped you climb out of bed and cling onto him for balance as you regained the feeling in your legs (that were being invaded by the stabbing feeling of pins and needles); silent as he pushed the door open and walked out with you concealed behind him like some tactical weapon.
You were pleasantly surprised to see that unlike your fears the men had seemingly not touched a single thing in your living room, standing next to the kitchen island despite one of them clearly having problems with standing.
He made eye contact with you, your blood running cold as you realised that he had been the one to cause the soreness that now racked your throat, immediately moving to tear your gaze away from him but stopped as he did it first, looking down at his shoes as if ashamed, and by the way he stayed silent while the other introduced themselves, he was.
The captain was nice enough, he clasped your hand in a firm handshake, one that you assumed he’d been practising for longer than you were alive, and he had a very kind face despite the work you knew the four men did, but you couldn’t help but feel at ease in his presence, an effect you assumed he had on everyone by the way they seemed so lax instead of freaking out over the wounds littering their bodies like you would.
Gaz gave you a smile and a nod, not even attempting to outstretch either of his hands to you due to the tear up his arm and the other hand pressing a bloody piece of cloth to the wound in hopes of keeping himself from losing too much blood.
“Soap.” Ghost’s voice came out low and gruff, a tone of voice you’d never heard from him, and you thanked whatever god was up there that you’d never heard it directed to you, because clearly you weren’t as strong as the Sergeant in front of you and would’ve immediately crumbled into fear.
“I’m sorry.” He immediately spoke out, his accent thick around each word as he outstretched his arm, poised out for a handshake. “I hope I didn’ hurt you t’much.”
Although the burn from his hand was still there, a constant reminder for the rest of the night of what had happened, and though it would take a bit of while for you to let go of it, you still raised your hand up to his, clasping it in a much weaker handshake than his Captain’s, but it was firm nonetheless, confirming your “acceptance” to his apology for now.
“I would have done the same if I had your strength, don’t worry.” You tried lightening up the mood, despite the anxiety that still tugged at your mind, letting go of his hand and going back to standing next to Simon, your arm pressed right against his, hoping that his massive frame would do something to help hide you.
A warm hand came up to your waist, the hairs on your body standing on end as Ghost’s breath hit the shell of your ear. “Go check on Tommy.”
Tommy.
Your stomach dropped at the realisation that you hadn’t even thought about your poor son in the whole time you were awake, too focused on yourself to even think about what fear he could be going through after hearing more than the two voices he was used to in the small apartment, your breath hitching as the hand slowly pushed you towards the nursery door, like you were a dog in need of direction.
“Tommy?” Gaz breathed out as Ghost led him to the kitchen sink, letting the man run his arm under the stream of cold water, washing away any of the crusty blood that stuck to the skin, while Ghost continued his search for the medkit.
The man stayed quiet, not even bothering to even think of beginning to explain Tommy, and by association you and whatever relationship you had, already having had struggled enough when deciding to open up to Price about it, not needing to do it two more times.
“His son.” Price answered for him when he saw that Ghost was making no move to answer, the skull-faced man turning to send a quick glare in his captain’s direction before being shot down with one of the same calibre. “Don’t ask more, though. Bugger still likes keeping his secrets.”
Both Soap and Gaz turned to Ghost with matching expressions, dumbfounded by the information they had just been fed, unbelieving that the man they knew as Ghost, the Ghost that they had watched kill people with a single hand, the Ghost that seemingly felt no emotions towards any of them or anyone, the Ghost they’d worked so hard to even get a sliver of information out of him was indeed a father. An actual father, with a real son who had a mother who lived in a nice and cute-looking flat taking care of said son.
After the confrontation between you and Soap, they had quickly assumed that Ghost harboured some type of feelings towards you, whether they were romantic or platonic was still yet to be known (though by the way he had held you so protectively against his chest, they assumed that they already knew the answer to that small conundrum), but they would’ve never guessed that you were the fucking mother of his son, a son he’d kept pretty well hidden from everyone, except Price, like many of the details of his oh-so mysterious life.
“That’s… Nice.” Gaz croaked out, throat having gone dry by the absolute shock that had filled the two Sergeants, gulping as Ghost stood back up to his full height, suddenly intimidated by the man more than usual.
“Yeah. Stay.” Once again, not even bothering to say it in a nicer way, commanding all of them like dogs before entering the room you’d just retreated to and slamming the door closed.
He immediately regretted it, though, by the way you snapped your head around like the girl from the ring furiously, clutching a fussing Tommy to your chest, reminiscent of the first night he’d spent in your flat.
“Sorry.” He didn’t wait for you to respond, taking a few long strides until he was at your side, gazing down at your sweet boy, who was moving around in your arms like he was actively trying to escape you. “How’s he?”
“Fussy. I mean, he’s been sleeping all day, no surprises there. Probably wants to watch some telly.”
“Can’t really do that lying down now, can he?” A gloved finger came down to tickle his tummy, causing him to move around more as he burst into a fit of giggles, seemingly not caring about his father's sudden change of appearance, hopefully assimilating in his tiny brain that all skull patterns equaled dad.
At his response, you sucked air through your teeth, causing him to snap his head towards you in fear he’d said something wrong, taking a step back as he watched you place your hands underneath Tommy’s armpits and slowly take him to the ground, his little duck printed socks touching the floor and causing Ghost’s eyes to widen, mind racing with thoughts that your son might actually be some type of prodigy if he was standing up at this age, but let out a humoured breath as his little bum hit the floor, and instead of falling back like he always did, he instead stayed there sitting, moving his arms around in order to shake your grip off.
“He’s sitting.”
“You don’t sound very impressed.” You said, looking up at him with a bright smile, not being able to help the immense pride you felt as your son ticked off another milestone off the list, sitting down on the carpet behind him and handing him one of the toys littered on the ground, wanting to enjoy this little moment of peace within the confusing and terrifying night you’d had, trying your best to focus simply on Tommy and not with what would come with having four military trained men in your flat.
“No, it’s… Yeah.” You rolled his eyes at the inexpressive tone his voice took, watching him take a seat in front of you and raise his uninjured arm up to click his fingers in front of Tommy’s chubby face, like you normally did when wanting to catch his attention. “Good job, duck.”
You couldn’t help the way your smile widened as you heard him use the little nickname you’d given him, placing your hands on his chubby tummy and tickling his sides, enticing another few happy giggles.
But through them, you heard the sharp hiss that came from Simon as he moved to put his weight onto the other arm, eyes going wide as you realised you’d completely neglected the wound you’d fussed about so much earlier, one of your hands moving to grasp his hands.
“Why haven’t you treated it yet?” You whispered, keeping your distress to a minimum in front of Tommy, but Ghost could still feel the worry that emanated from you, shrugging (as best he could) and looking away.
“I couldn’t find the medkit.” You raised a brow at his apprehensive words, lifting yourself off the floor along with Tommy and adjusting your hold on him.
“It’s where it always is.” You started moving, giving him little to no time to react before he had jolted up and started following, almost crashing into you as you stopped in your tracks once you’d opened the door, seemingly forgetting about the company you’d been thinking about mere moments before. “Oh.”
“Is that him?” Soap said with a smile before anyone spoke, gesturing towards the small boy fidgeting in your arms.
“No. Just some other random kid, Johnny.” Ghost’s hands once again found their rightful place on your hips and pushed you slightly to urge you to continue your walk, a huff leaving your lips at his impatience (although you couldn’t really blame him, you too would be impatient if there were a literal hole in your shoulder), as you made your way back in to the bedroom, feeling Ghost move around behind you as if he were shielding you from the prying eyes of his Sergeants and Captain, who simply wanted to catch a glimpse of the small boy.
“Here.” You called out as you handed Tommy over to his father, opening up the mirror in the bathroom and pulling out the small yet quite big medkit he’d gifted you.
Ghost tried his best to ignore the small bottles of pills he spied along the shelves of the little cupboard as you opened up the medkit, looking through all the items.
“I… I don’t know how to use most of these.” You mumbled, taking it over to him so he could look through it.
“Don’t worry, we do.” Tommy was handed back off to you, no doubt giving the small boy whiplash from how fast he was being moved from one parent to another like a hot potato. “Might need some help with the stitches.”
Stitches.
You willed away the look of discomfort that would no doubt try to show on your face at the mere thought of it.
Now, you weren’t the most horrible person at stitching clothes, you’d fixed a few items for both Tommy and you, and maybe the odd time you’d found a hole in Simon’s hoodie and couldn’t just leave it like that, but the thought of using a needle and string to stitch up a wound instead of the normal cloth made shivers rack your body.
“Is that okay?”
“Yeah.” You breathed out, instead of letting out the worries that swirled about your brain. I mean, these men were dealing with blood and gore almost daily, surely you could manage to deal with a little wound, right?
“Hey. We’ve been treated by worse. Won’t be any worse than doin’ it ourselves.” He murmured, opening the door for you.
And that filled you with some reassurance at first, but as you disinfected your hands and were given the needle and string, you couldn’t help but feel sick, turning your head over to the little playpen you’d purchased a few days ago where Soap was sitting next to looking down at Tommy play. Ghost right at his side glaring down at them, as if Tommy’s personal bodyguard.
“You don’t have to, really. I can try and do it myself.” Gaz assured you with a smile, starting to move his arm away from you.
“With one hand?”
“You’d be surprised what I can do with one hand, ma’am.” He grinned, getting a furious look from Ghost.
You breathed out a laugh, shakily taking his arm into yours and bringing it back to where he had it before, angling the needle to his wound before taking one last look of reassurance up at the man, who only nodded in response.
It wasn’t as disgusting as you had expected, but the sounds and feelings were still uncomfortable.
You finally finished the final stitch, shakily tying the knot before cutting the thread, disposing yourself of the latex gloves you’d put on.
“Is- Is that okay?”
“It’s perfect, love, don’t you worry. Did it better than I ever could.” Gaz encouraged, getting some bandages and helping you to wrap it around his now sanitised wound. “Could easily get a job as a nurse if you ever wanted to, eh? Think Ghost would love to have you on base.”
“That’s enough, Sergeant.” Ghost snapped, pushing himself off the wall and nodding down at Johnny. “Get a move on.”
You shared a smile with Gaz before Soap took his spot, albeit a bit more awkward, and raised his leg up to the sofa (you almost had a heart attack before you realised he’d kindly discarded his shoes before doing so).
“Oh, do I-.”
“No need f’stitches. I just need a bit o’help disinfecting it.” He mumbled, always the careful one when it came to cleaning.
“Yeah, okay.” You did just as he had told you to, carefully pouring the alcohol onto the gauze before wiping away any dirt and dry blood from the graze before sticking a clean one over the wound with the help of a few bandages.
You couldn’t help but feel a bit proud of your handiwork as you watched him get up, his limp a bit better now that he definitely knew that he hadn’t contracted any types of diseases thanks to the wound, taking back his spot back next to Gaz and Tommy, the other sergeant moving a little toy around in hopes of attracting Tommy’s attention.
“I’ll help with this one, Lieu-”
“No need.” Ghost interrupted the captain, sitting down on the sofa and immediately sinking it, the piece of furniture still not used to his weight even after all the time he’d been using it. “I’ll help her.”
You nodded with a smile, although it quickly flipped upside down as you realised what dealing with Ghost’s wound entailed, watching him slowly take off most of his tactical gear before leaving him in one of those damn tight shirts, moving the sleeve off the wounded shoulder and letting you see what you were dealing with in full detail.
“Clean and stitch it up. Not that hard, lovie.” He mumbled, his words just for your ears, one warm hand landing on one of the thighs you had curled beneath you on the sofa you were kneeling on. “Just going to be a bit more difficult to heal.”
“Okay.” You swallowed, tugging on another pair of gloves before balancing yourself with one hand on the part of his uninjured shoulder, somehow still feeling the body warmth through the latex.
This was different from Gaz’s wound. While the other man had been looking away the whole time, you could feel Ghost’s sharp gaze on you even as you thread the needle, your body squirming beneath the uncomfortable stare.
“C’mon.” He urged, settling himself further into the sofa to make the next part easier for you, letting yourself take a deep breath before starting without a second though, pleasantly surprised as he didn’t even move an inch with every stitch you made, although you could feel his thumb rubbing over the warm skin of your thigh with every second, your hand giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze every time you tightened a stitch, despite knowing he probably didn’t need the same reassurance you did. “It’s okay.”
It almost felt like you were the one getting stitched up, not him.
You finished with shaky hands, dropping the gloves and needles and patching it up, jolting away when his hand grabbed at the bandages, finishing the job himself.
“Thank you.” He mumbled, the hairs on your body standing up as you realised finally how close you’d been to him the whole time, slowly letting go of his arm and letting them fall back onto your lap.
“It’s fine.” You watched him get up, once again not showing a single ounce of pain or discomfort despite the pain you knew a person who wasn’t desensitised to this type of wounds would be in, your eyes following him across the room until he reached the two Sergeants, who were still trying to gain Tommy’s affection.
When you saw them like that, they hardly looked like the type of men whose job consisted on fighting and killing for a living, they just looked like two blokes you’d find at the pub on a random sunday night, despite the tactical gear they still wore, having fun with watching a kid roll around with his toys.
“Thank you.” Price rumbled from behind you, a hand landing on the headrest of the sofa. “For letting us stay. Feels like no one’s said that yet.”
You shrugged, running your hands up and down your thighs in order to cure the chill that had just run through your body. “It’s okay. I mean… Simon’s done a lot for us, guess I could just repay the favour one way or another.”
Although maybe you would’ve thought of a more traditional way of doing that, one that wasn’t stitching up his men and him in the middle of the night.
“Hmph. Well, considering what good a job you’ve done, I’d say you’ve paid it back pretty well.”
You smiled up at him, not catching the look Ghost sent to you from the other side of the room, looking down at the small boy he was cradling and then up at the time, not having missed the eyebags that adorned your normally bright eyes.
He called your name as he came near, his heart missing a beat as you instantly outstretched your arms out at him, stomach sinking as he quickly realised you were gesturing towards Tommy and not him, carefully bringing him down to latch onto your chest.
“Think we’ll be leavin’ now.” He said, catching both your and Price’s attention.
“Leaving?”
“Where else are you going to stay?” You prodded for an answer, pressing Tommy further into the jumper you’d pulled on.
“We’ll find somewhere.” He looked up at Price for reassurance, but got a not so on board look back.
You looked between the two, who stayed silent enough for you to make a quick inventory check in your head, looking down at the pull out sofa you were currently sitting on and thinking back to the possible inflatable mattress you had stored in your room.
“Simon.” You said, almost like a child tugging on their parent’s sleeve to ask for something. “You can just stay for the night. I’ve got a few blankets and a small mattress along with the sofa. I don’t mind.”
You always felt like you could drown in his eyes when he looked at you like that, glassy eyes filled with concern and apprehensiveness at your words, as if he was assessing the true nature behind them only to find that you were only speaking the truth.
“You don’t have to.”
“I want to.”
And maybe, in the heat of the moment, you’d under planned a bit, since you realised mid unfolding some blankets that both the sofa and the small mattress would not fit four people, even if one decided to sleep on the floor, they’d be far from comfortable curling into some random nook or cranny of the flat.
You fluffed up some of the pillows, listening to some parts of the conversation Gaz and Soap were having from inside the bathroom, jumping out of your skin as one of Ghost’s hands appeared on your back.
“I'm going to let Soap and Gaz take the sofa. Price’s alright with taking the mattress.” He explained, hand continuing to rest on the small of your back even as you leaned back up, working on shoving a cushion into its cover.
“And you?” You asked, almost dreading the answer.
He looked away, a faraway gaze on the visible part of his face as if he wasn’t really there with you, as if you were just talking to a shell of a man who someone else was controlling.
“I don’t need to sleep. I’m fine with staying in Tom’s room.” He responded, taking the pillow from your hands and placing it down on the inflatable mattress that lay next to the sofa.
“What? You’re hurt, Simon, you should be resting!”
Silence.
“You’re not fucking superhuman, you know that, right?!” You snapped, grabbing at his sleeve and forcing him to look your way. “You need rest like anyone else. Just because you cover your face and act like you don’t care about anything does not mean you’re special.”
God, shut up! Your brain was shouting at you, unbelieving that you were getting so worked up over a man you’d convinced yourself that you wouldn’t let in no matter what, but there you were, horrified that he had such little care for his well-being that he would rather stay awake all night than find somewhere else to sleep.
“Just take my bed!”
The words were out of your mouth before you even realised it.
And clearly, you weren’t the only one who was surprised by them.
Simon was staring down at you with what you could only assume was a dumbfounded look, his eyes swirling with confusion.
“Your bed?”
“My bed.” You breathed out, horrified with yourself. “It's queen sized, you know that. You’ll fit.”
Silence engulfed the room, a pattern that seemed to follow every single one of your conversations you had in this exact spot of the living room, gazes interlocked together.
“No-”
“Yes. Get into your pyjamas and come to bed.” You said almost robotically, finishing the final cushion before pushing yourself off, quickly walking back into your room before the man could protest. You placed a hand against the wall in order to balance yourself as soon as you were out of his line of view, a shaky hand coming up to cover your mouth in shock of what you’d just asked, no, insisted him to do.
Soap and Gaz apologised for taking so long in the bathroom, letting you take their place so you could calm down a bit alone and in silence, sitting on the closed toilet with a shaking leg, biting your nails as you stared down at the white tiles.
You were so fucking stupid.
What was wrong with you!?
Why couldn’t you just stick to your initial feelings for him!?
Why couldn’t you just have let him do what he wanted!?
Why did you care so much about someone you’d insisted was nothing to you!?
You rested your face against the open palms of your hands, running them up and down until you rid yourself of the urge to want to cry, the opening of your bedroom door immediately catching your attention.
Ghost knocked at the door, making you jump for what seemed like the nth time tonight, calling out your name.
“I need to get changed.”
Your heart soared at the implication behind his hushed words.
Now, you don’t really know what you were expecting for his pyjamas to be, but the black shirt and cargo sweatpants he sported were definitely on brand for a man like Simon.
It’d been a really long time since you’d caught a peak at his arms, since even in the warmest weather possible, Simon always insisted on wearing at least a long sleeved shirt, leaving the rest of his body up to the imagination (which, thanks to that night, you didn’t really need), but thanks to the shirt he was currently wearing, it allowed you to gaze upon his muscular arms and the tattoo that ran the whole way up one of them, remembering faintly the moment he’d let you look at them for a moment before tugging you closer into his chest.
It also didn’t surprise you that he was still wearing the balaclava, although this one was different to the skulled one he normally wore, silver lines running over his chin, like the bottom set of teeth of the plastic skull he’d now discarded, leaving him almost naked in a way, after having gotten so used to him all covered up.
“Are you sure?” He asked one final time, standing at the edge of the bed.
“Yes, Simon.”
His gaze darted away from you as you called out his name, something you’d noticed he’d done the whole night every time you spoke his real name out, despite him never reacting this way when you were both alone.
“Lie down.” He did as you said, getting into the bed and pulling some of the covers up to cover his lap, turning to watch you as you leaned over to turn off the small lamp on your nightstand, the room instantly being filled with darkness after the click.
“You know…” Your voice came out hushed, further down than before, letting him assume that you’d just rested your face against your pillow. “Your skull mask looks silly.”
“Silly?” He whispered back, mock offended, like you’d just killed his entire family in front of him (which would be largely upsetting considering you were his family…).
“Silly.” You parroted, thinking back to the hard plastic skull. “You look like a little kid on halloween.”
“That was the goal.” He lazily joked, moving down so he too was lying on his own pillow, staring up at the darkness that used to be the ceiling, his hair scratchy against his nape and skull due to it being pressed against the material of his balaclava. “...my brother wore a mask like that. Used to scare the shit out of me.”
You let out a huff, impossible of even imagining a little version of your Simon being scared by his brother. “Isn’t he younger than you?”
“...”
“Oh my god, Simon.”
“I was easily frightened.” He said, knowing that if there were any source of light near you, you’d instantly be able to see the blush that no doubt was dusting his pale cheeks. “I was frail as a kid.”
Why was he telling you this?
“Frail?” You mumbled, moving yourself closer to him in order to hear him clearer.
“My dad wasn’t the nicest person.”
He should stop.
“You mean… He hurt you?”
“In more ways than one.”
You shouldn’t know this about him.
“That’s… Horrible. I’m sorry, Simon…”
“It’s fine.”
It wasn’t.
“It’s not… You don’t have to act like it is.”
“...”
“Simon.”
Your sweet voice called out to him, your hand brushing against his arm and causing a ripple effect on it, all of his hairs standing on edge at the soft touch.
“Simon…”
“I’m sorry.” He breathed out, turning around, forcing your hand away from him in doing so, leaving you staring at his back in the dark.
Silence engulfed the room once again, your hand frozen in place from where it had been pressed against before, clenching it closed and bringing it back, turning around yourself and snuggling into the nice-smelling covers.
You didn’t even bother trying to continue the conversation or bid him a goodnight like you wish you could, instead keeping the silence going until the inevitable grasp of Hypnos would pull you under.
But you couldn’t seem to fall asleep, even after only having slept two hours that day, even as no sound came through the baby monitor on your bedside table, even if everything was perfectly scripted for you to close your eyes and finally get some rest…
You turned around, feeling around the cold space of the bed that laid between Simon and your sleeping bodies, squeezing your eyes closed before taking a shaking breath.
It was cold. That was it. It was cold, and you felt bad for him.
There was no other reason for why you wrapped your arms around his chest from behind, curling into the shape of his body and pressing your face right against his warm back, feeling him tense beneath your hands.
You stayed there, waiting for the unavoidable moment where he’d try and shake you off like you were some kind of leech, but he didn’t.
Instead, one of his hands came up to rest over the one you had above his heart, squeezing it slightly, his way of telling you that this was okay without openly speaking out.
You took a deep breath, closing your eyes and pulling yourself closer into his warmth, feeling his heart beat slowly grow steady beneath your palm as time went past.
Simon hoped that the tear streaks down his balaclava wouldn’t be noticeable in the morning.
This time, when you woke up, he wasn’t gone.
Although a bit dishevelled compared to the normal composure he kept, he was there.
The mask had ridden up to his cupid’s bow in the middle of the night, exposing the not very well-kept beard he’d started growing under there, along with tufts of blond hair that peaked out from around his nape.
It was clear you’d both moved a lot across the course of the night, by the way you’d both ended in a completely different position than the one you'd started in, with you on the other side of the bed wrapped up in his arms, your face pressed into his chest instead of his back.
His warm hands were covering your lower back, brushing lightly against the elastic band of your pyjama bottoms, one leg draped over his waist while the other was between his.
You tentatively raised your hand to run your fingers against the hair at the base of his head, curling a slightly long strand around one of your fingers and letting out an amused huff at the curl that formed there.
“Ow.” Simon rasped, although his voice was as monotonous as could be, pulling his head away from your hand. “Ticklish.”
“You’re ticklish?” You mumbled, watching him open his eyes before craning his head away from you, a pop coming from the bone as he stretched, moving onto his back and pulling you with him, letting you curl into his side.
Not one word was spoken during the entire morning about what was going on, about your sudden change of heart (although you knew it wasn’t sudden), about what this night would mean for the two of you moving forward.
Neither of you said a word, afraid that the conversation that would follow would be the one to ruin whatever had happened,
You wandered out of your bedroom an hour after you’d officially woken up, wanting to indulge in the warmth Simon had provided all throughout the night, surprised and a bit shocked (you’d honestly forgotten what was waiting for you outside), Tommy fidgeting around in Soap’s arms as he held him with surprising care and ability.
“Are you some type of expert?” You said with a careful smile, not missing the way his eyes darted down to the bruises around your neck, still feeling bad for what he had done.
“Uh, kinda’? Got four sisters, each of ‘em with their own set of bairns.” He shrugged, the movement making Tommy let out a giggle through his dummy. “Lad was cryin’, couldn’t just leave him there.”
“It’s okay. Thank you.” You felt a bit embarrassed for not having woken up at your baby’s crying, but you were glad that he seemed perfectly happy, clearly enjoying the attention he’d been receiving the past hours. “He’s starting to teeth, that’s probably why he was crying, my poor-”
The slamming down of a mug interrupted you, staring dumbfounded at Gaz, who’d been the one to cause the noise.
“Fuck! Sorry, sorry, ma’am, just-” He wiped away some of the spilt tea (you were even more confused as to where he’d gotten the cuppa until you noticed the captain standing next to the stove with your kettle), looking up at you with darkening cheeks. “Sorry, my arm’s still a bit fucked-”
“Clean it up.” Ghost ordered gruffly as he walked out of the bedroom, clad in most of the clothing he’d worn yesterday, hiding once again all the skin and muscles you’d ran your hands over that morning.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m not a prick, man.” Gaz grumbled.
Ghost leaned down to you, your heart skipping a beat at the sudden closeness, in front of his teammates no less, but ended up pressing a finger to Tommy's nose, your cheeks going warm out of embarrassment.
“You made tea?” He grunted at his Captain, who shrugged, taking a sip of the warm brew.
“I’ll pay it back.”
“Y-”
“It’s not necessary, it’s just tea.” You elbowed Ghost before he could say anything rude, placing Tommy down onto his highchair before moving to get some of his food and get yourself a cup in the meantime.
“Can’t thank her enough.” Price grumbled to Ghost as you and the other two started a conversation, watching the masked man pour himself a cup before swigging it all down quickly like it was some type of liquor. “For letting us stay.”
“Yeah. I’m going to have to make it up for her.” Ghost answered, watching you try to coerce Tommy to open his mouth for a spoonful of baby food with Soap’s help.
“Seems like you already did, she looks real happy.” Price nudged Ghost, like a father teasing his son for getting his first girlfriend, his moustache twitching as Ghost turned away from him, further pushing the thought that it was just like that type of scenario.
“We should get going. I can’t risk it further.” Ghost responded instead of continuing the banter, pushing himself off the counter and turning to you, Price immediately dropping the funny act and nodding, moving to get some of their things they’d tried to place neatly in one of the corners.
“We’re going.” He announced, heart sinking into his stomach at the disappointment that washed over your face, placing down the baby food on the table and leaning back up to your full height.
“Now?”
“Yes. Soap, go start the car.” Ghost ordered, the scot doing just as his captain had and dropping the smile that had been previously adorning his face, getting up and taking his jacket from Price, not forgetting to say a proper goodbye to you and give you a firm handshake that he hoped transmitted the apology for everything he did, and as you received it with a small smile, he hoped it meant that you forgave him.
“Where are you going?” You asked, watching Gaz and Price reload some of the guns from the other side of the flat.
“Base. Hopefully, Laswell will have backup and we’ll be able to finish what we started.” He said, gloved fingers running over Tommy's soft head, messing up some of the curls that had started to form. “I’ll call you once we’ve finished.”
The look you gave him spoke a million words.
“I promise. I’ll be back, you know that.”
You felt embarrassed at how quickly he’d managed to discern what your look had meant, but nodded nonetheless, saying goodbye to the other two (Gaz giving you a bright smile and Price clasping your hand in his once again, his presence washing away any worry you might have just like last time), leaving the three of you alone in your apartment.
“Duck, daddy’s going now.” You whispered to your son, the small boy clearly having no idea of what you were saying, but giggling up at you as you pressed a kiss to his chubby cheek. “Say bye-bye, now.”
You moved his little hand in a goodbye motion, Ghost’s mask moving over his lips as he smiled, raising one of his hands to wave goodbye back.
Despite having done this same song and dance for almost four months now, it still didn’t get rid of the bittersweet feeling that bloomed in Simon’s chest, already knowing the drill as you led him to the front door with a solemn look tugging at your pretty features.
“We’ll talk once I get back, okay? I promise.” He spoke softly as he stood by the opened door, a gloved hand coming up to cup at your face and tilt you upwards so you were both making eye contact. “‘Bout everything.”
“Okay.” You whispered, fighting the urge to lean further into his touch. “I’ll be here.”
He nodded, but his hand still didn’t move.
You waited, for what, you didn’t know. You were slowly getting lost in his eyes when his other hand came up to pull his mask up over his lips, leaning down and softly tugging you upwards until they met your forehead, the kiss short and sweet despite all the pain and darkness that you knew followed him, always a surprise when it came to how quickly he could change from the personality he showed to you and Tommy to the personality you’d witnessed him show to his teammates not long ago.
You blinked up at him owlishly, watching him pull the mask back down and let go of your face (though his touch still lingered) before taking a step back.
“Stay safe.” You repeated like all the other times.
“I always do.” He replied, and like always, he disappeared down the hall.
“No.”
“Oh, come on. He’ll like it!”
“He won’t.” Ghost snapped, taking one last look at the small toy Gaz was waving around, like Ghost was a child to be entertained and he was just being fussy, which really wasn’t that off track.
“How’d you know?”
“‘Cause I’m his dad!” He looked away, already regretting having brought his teammates back to your place and therefore letting them meet Tommy. Maybe he should’ve just let them bleed out back then.
“And you’re honestly telling me that a child will not like this?” Gaz moved it around a bit more, almost tantalising his lieutenant.
Ghost peaked back at the small teddy bear, its fur fluffy and inviting and its black button eyes adorning its little face.
“Just take it, mate. It’ll make me really happy!”
“I don’t care about your happiness, Sergeant.” Ghost snapped, snatching the toy from his grasp and shoving it into one of his pockets, ignoring the bright smile Gaz sent him and the punch to his shoulder.
“God, you’re the best, Ghost. Text me if he likes it, eh?”
He never did text Gaz back, but Gaz had apparently ran his mouth to Soap about Ghost’s reluctant acceptance of the gift, since the next time he saw Soap, the scot had kindly brought a little teddy bear with a tiny Scottish flag in its paw.
And although Ghost wanted nothing more than to rip it up in front of him, he found himself passing them on to Tommy the day he came back to you, “reluctantly” sending each of the Sergeants a picture of the small boy curled up to the two bears.
#simon riley x reader#ghost x reader#simon ghost riley#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost riley x fem reader#ghost x female reader#ghost x fem!reader#ghost fic#cod mwii x reader#— ménage#cod mwii#call of duty#call of duty x reader
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More from TFE megatron....Please I beg you....you are feeding every scenario I have created in my head in all my years of transformers addiction 😔👍👍(Like, this isn't even a joke. I log into your account 3 times a day and refresh the page to see if there's anything because I look like a person who's trying to Quitting drugs but can't because there's always more... you're feeding me ....love your writing😘💗)
Sure! I’m glad you like my nonsense! 😆
Give Up/Give In Pt 2
TF Earthspark Megatron x Reader
• The broken little noise of pain and fear you make when he transforms around you lodges in his processor and he doesn’t even know where he’s taking you until he’s there. Landing outside the Malto home because he didn’t know where else to go. Everything blurs together from there like when he’s in the middle of a battle, little moments standing out.
• Growling at the kids to stay back when they approach so they won’t see. Dorothy yelling at Alex for her kit off the top of the fridge when she realizes what happened. Twitch lingering until Bumblebee pulls her away. Dorothy yelling at him for not taking you to a hospital. The coppery scent of blood inside his alt mode and the sounds. He doesn’t try to shut anything out, because this is his fault. He needs to remember this, feel the weight of his failure. The cost.
• Feeling useless and hating that feeling, he’s not sure how long passes until he feels Dorothy standing and walking inside his alt mode and knows it’s over. “You know I’m not a doctor,” Dorothy says when she finally walks down his ramp, her voice tight with anger. True enough, but he’s seen her treat others in the field under duress. “The fight was on the news.” There’s no censure in her voice. There should be, but she just sounds tired. “All in all, injuries aren’t too bad. Not great, but not life threatening. But I’m not a doctor.” He almost laughs when she smack a hand against him in a gentle rebuke, sobering when her palm leaves a red smear.
• He’s aware of the human still in his alt mode. At some point they stopped crying, but he can feel their heartbeat. Hear them breathing. He’d growled when Alex had suggested moving them onto the couch out of his sight. Where he can’t monitor them and he needs to. Now he watches Alex carry out some extra blankets and pillows for you. Attention turning inward as the man lifts your head to put a pillow under it and drapes a blanket over you. “Did anyone see you take them?” Dorothy asks, voice low as she glances at the barn. Worry for her kids obvious in her tension, the pinched expression on her face. Wondering what he might be bringing to her doorstep.
• Maybe. Humans and their blasted phones. Knows why she’s asking, because it would look bad. The reformed warlord taking a wounded victim before help can arrive? No matter what he does, they all still look at him like they expect the worst. Like he’s only playing a part, biding his time. And it’s not just the humans. It’s exhausting mentally and physically. Because he’ll always be the monster no matter what he does or how hard he tries. His motives always questioned and judged because of the weight of all that past wrongs. Innocent blood and energon both on his hands.
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ketterdam dashboard simulator
goedmedbridge420
who up boeking they canal
10,345 notes
drydens follow
I can't believe some of you log on here and thirstpost about barrel vagrants. it makes me so sick. these men are the very pits of society and have never honoured ghezen a day in their lives. there are so many other young men who make their living in a reverent way. have some dignity.
#ghezen #inghezenssight #ghezenhonouring #churchofghezen #handofghezen
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kooperomno1fan
lionsroar12 follow
omg HOW is kaz brekker winning this he's SO problematic he's not even good for the economy he killed members of his own gang and kidnapped councilman van eck's son
dregsundrained
cranky coz your gang fell apart aren't you
17,860 notes
oskervoexchange follow
guys is this a mandela effect or what bc I SWEAR this painting used to be in the university district art museum, I literally saw it this week??? but I went today and it was GONE?????? there wasn't even a plaque?? guys pls I'm so confused why is everyone acting like this is normal for ketterdam? do priceless antiques just VANISH? am I being gaslit?
450 notes
stadhall-clerking
guys I'm so sorry I've been MIA :( I found out that my landlord was using my rent on the staves rather than fixing my black mould problem so I pushed him out the window and told the stadwatch he must have fallen and died because he wasn't honouring ghezen and got away with it. anyway I think maybe the black mould explains the dirtyhands/sturmhond fic I was writing sorry :( but I WILL finish my fairy queen of istamere meta post once I've moved into my new lodging
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dregsconfessions follow
SUBMISSION: sometimes I lie awake thinking about the time I fell down an entire flight of stairs at the slat when kaz was at the bottom, and he just stared at me (still lying on the floor), and then asked if I'd changed the beer kegs at the silver six yet. GIRL NO?!?!?!
#submission #dregs #dirtyhands #admin comment: laughed so loud my upstairs neighbour threatened to shoot me
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dregsconfessions follow
ADMIN NOTE: if the razorgulls don't fucking stop sending anon hate to this blog we'll tell dirtyhands n he'll send you your own IP address back
#see what happens you hack job seagulls
500 notes
kerchtourismboard
it's us, the real kerch tourism board, here to tell you what we're putting in the new summer season pamphlet. we got 1) three pages all about kaz brekker that end up being more of an advertisement than a deterrent 2) list of slipperiest spots in the barrel where you will fall over and get a concussion when ur drunk 3) top 10 ways to get your wallet stolen by a child in broad daylight 4) paintings of the komedie brute 5) advert for sten's stockpot 6) map of public toilets
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kerchtourismboardreal follow
we are not affiliated with any degenerate impersonator accounts who claim to be us. we are the only real kerch tourism account.
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kerchtourismboard-real follow
grafcanal smells like piss and you should bite everyone you see wearing the mister crimson costume
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stensstockpot follow
it's all 'fuck sten's stockpot' and 'I got food poisoning from the special at sten's stockpot' until you realise you don't have the money for cilla's fry, and then you come CRAWLING back to the loving arms of sten's stockpot and our special. you fucking traitors. you'll be back! you'll all be back
canaljumpings follow
what's in the special sten's stockpot
stensstockpot follow
it's a surprise ;)
bertskerch follow
nah I thought this was the real stens lmao
stensstockpot follow
bert smit you still have 45 kruge to pay on your tab and if you don't cough up we'll send our debtors to break your legs
230 notes
exchangingbabey follow
my grisha girlfriend who still wears a kefta and says things like 'nikolai lantsov is a bastard': ugh they're still debating whether or not the council of tides should be able to control kerch shipping, I hate inter-country politics
me: I think I hauve the queen's lady
4500 notes
(insp) (insp)
#I wasted a full hour making this#six of crows#crooked kingdom#soc duology#kaz brekker#ketterdam#soc#grishaverse#shadow and bone#my post#dashboard simulator
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i walk the line.
You had joked with Ghost before about getting married, never with a tone serious enough for it to be taken into account, even if it was something you dreamed about whenever you were alone with your thoughts. What you hadn’t expected was the question to come up at such an inopportune time.
Pairing: Simon "Ghost" Riley x Sergeant Reader
rbs greatly appreciated!
WC: 2.1 K
a/n: i hate giving my fics titles so just assume the song in the title is the vibe i want the fic to have lmao. also this is unedited and not beta read so beware of typos and shit
warnings: estabilished relationship, profanity, whump, description of wound, mentions of death, badly timed marriage proposal, medical inaccuracies, fluff, happy ending
It’s cold.
No, scratch that. It’s fucking freezing.
God, you hate the cold. Considering how much you despise it, it amuses you to think you might have been a desert creature in another life. A lizard, maybe. The types to scurry really fast and eat small insects all day. What a life.
You’re lost in your musings but you think there are a few very faint voices calling for you. Where are they coming from? Above? Seems like it. First, you hear their voices getting clearer, and recognize a word. It’s your codename, meaning, it’s your teammates voices. But why do they sound so agitated? Next, you feel pain. Quickly rising, scorching hot pain in your abdomen.
Oh, that’s right. You were shot.
A scream echoes out wherever you are and only later you’d recognize it as your own, in the same moment you recognize Ghost’s own booming voice frantically calling out for you, and the heavy weight of Soap’s large hands holding you down so you wouldn’t trash as much. It had been ironic, really, how much the mission went smoothly, 99% of it being completed without a hitch, but right as you were about to celebrate success, some fucker neither of you had seen before had decided to put a bullet in you - any of you - blindly, and it so happened it would hit you. The offender was long gone, a throw knife lodged in his skull as quick as a blink of an eye in the split second after the gunshot was heard, but the damage was already done. A few seconds before it happened, you had groaned how much you couldn’t wait for evac to come so you could take a hot shower and sleep, since your bones were aching, and Gaz had laughed and called you old-spirited. So much for that shower, you think as you take in the surroundings of what you could see of the abandoned safe house from your position on the blood stained table. It was painful to think about if that same table was used in the past for a family reunion or to gather folks around for good news, before hell broke loose and war tore apart the people, so you didn’t think about it. Ghost called your codename again and you cast your eyes downwards to look at him, the fear in his eyes sending a chill down your spine.
“Hey! Talk to me, don’t you dare close your eyes!”
You had screamed as he was removing the projectile from your flesh, you realized. Was not your first rodeo, a thought that made you want to laugh bitterly, but just the idea of laughing made you wince in pain. His hands were currently trying to stop the bleeding, and after taking one look at the wound, you suddenly felt at peace.
It was pretty shitty you were going to die in an equally shitty safehouse, but that’s the life you chose. So, against your better judgment, you chuckle lowly and decide to follow your superior’s orders.
“Keep talking, eh? Alright.” You groaned once more when he applied more pressure to your gaping wound. “L.t, do you- do you remember when i told you…I wanted to retire early and - fuck - get to the countryside and get a big ass dog?”
He looked up at you briefly, glad you were talking but clearly wondering where you were going with this. You knew he hated when you spoke of the future as if you were going to die - which, right now, you were pretty sure it was really happening this time - but you couldn’t help yourself. Of course he remembers that conversation, it was in the beginning of your secret-not-so-secret relationship. You had asked him what he would do if he wasn’t a soldier, and he had given you a very cryptic and vague answer that resembled a lot like nothing. In turn, you told him your wishes half heartedly, as if thinking of living for 10 more years was a very distant dream.
The relationship between the 141’s Lieutenant and one of its Sargeants was a sort of urban legend going around. People knew it was happening, but didn’t dare speak of it, and no one had ever really seen any proof of it, so, it was best to avoid prying into Ghost’s private matters as to not risk being at the receiving end of his annoyance, and, in turn, you both found solace in having something that only the two of you knew about. It never hindered your professionalism and it had been going on for a few good years now, so it became somewhat naturalized between the folks coexisting in the same space as you and Simon after a while. However, that never stopped the natural curiosity to flourish in a few people - namely, your comrades, who always knew there was something going on given the fact you’d literally look at your superior with hearts in your eyes - so you had to ignore Gaz and Soap’s expectant eyes on you as you spoke so tenderly, the intensity of witnessing the start of what seemed like a very intimate talk momentarily sharing space with the worry they were feeling over you.
“...Yes. I remember.”
He never forgets the things you say, even if you think it’s not important at the time. You hummed, ignoring the pain that came with it.
“Big dogs were never really my thing. I just-” A cough ripped out of you, and you didn’t need to look to know there was blood in it. “ I just thought it was the kind of thing you’d want. Big dogs fit you. It felt less scary to think about retiring once I added you in the equation.”
You were slurring your words and you knew it. As you regained your breath, you briefly saw a very wide-eyed and angry looking Price curse into his comm asking where the fuck was the goddamn chopper. Your codename being barked alongside the word “WIA” to a poor fellow soldier on the other side of the line left you with a bad taste in your mouth. You hate how scared Ghost looked, your big, scary, stoic Ghost, and you can’t help but feel selfish for leaving him, even if being shot was not your fault and wasn’t really in your plans when you left the base that morning.
“Stop talking like you’re fucking d-”
“We could have done it, you know?” Your laugh is, once again, bitter, and you’re acutely aware of the tears streaming down your face. Death has never scared you, but now that you got a reason to stay, you’re terrified. “Could’ve gotten hitched somewhere nice. Can’t really imagine you in a suit, though.”
The pain doesn’t stop, but it gets duller as you feel your consciousness slipping away, and you never fought so much to stay awake in your entire life. Simon yells something to Soap among the lines of getting something from somewhere so he can continue trying to save you, but you don’t register his words. His tone softens once his eyes are back on you.
“I’d wear a suit if you asked me to, sweetheart.”
“I know. I wouldn’t ask, though.”
Not caring there are other people in the room, you smile at him, well aware it must be uncanny to see Ghost be so tender towards another person, but again, you were the lucky one who got to see it every time it was just the two of you, so you got used to it with time.
Your vision starts spinning more and more, and your eyes start to close the moment you hear the familiar, faint sound of a helicopter getting closer, Simon’s big hands suddenly on your face to try to keep you grounded, and he sounds even more exasperated than before. He calls your name - not your codename, for once.
“Stay alive, do you hear me?! You gotta stay the fuck alive so i can take you to the bloody countryside and get bloody hitched-”
“You askin’ me to marry ya’ in my deathbed, sir?” You manage to slur out, your smile growing despite the panic you don’t have the energy to express settling in your bones, and Simon’s eyes widen even more behind the mask.
“Yes, I am, so stay with me, that’s a fucking order-”
You chuckle, closing your eyes as the frantic sounds around you all blur into a garbled mess. Faintly you feel your body being moved around, a strong wind on your blood and dirt caked hair, hear some more shouting, but then,
Silence.
——————————
Feels like the thousandth time you have woken up, and the feeling of coming in and out of consciousness is unbearable at best.
The first time - or the second, you don’t remember - there was a strong light above you, but you had no energy to open your eyes, so it lasted a measly second before you were out again. Later, you heard an unfamiliar voice saying something about an induced coma for a few days for a better recovery. You wondered if they were talking about you (they probably were). This happens a few more times before you actually feel your consciousness coming back for good, and, before you open your eyes, the first thing you notice is how warm it is, and, if you could, you’d smile. The spring air smells good, and you think you catch a whiff of cleaning products while you inhale, suddenly aware of how empty your lungs felt. The third thing you notice is the weight on your hand, and once you open your eyes, you find a familiar set of skeleton gloved hands on top of your own. A few years back you had told him with a laugh the print was very 2000’s, and he had just brushed you off with a scowl, but you’ve never been so glad to see the tacky thing. His thumb caresses your skin as he patiently waits for you to become more aware of your surroundings, and you instantly smile when you finally meet his gaze, which looks extremely relieved.
“Hi.” Your throat feels parched, voice straining as if you’d swallowed a kilo of sand, but Simon thinks your voice never sounded so sweet to his ears.
“Hi.”
It hurts to move, but you do so anyway, slowly sitting up despite Simon’s protests just so you can see him more clearly and grasp his hand a little better. While you are busy cringing at the dull pain in your stomach from the stitches, he extends a glass of water for you, to which you grab and gulp down immediately, quenching your thirst and looking over at your partner with such gratitude an onlooker would have thought he was a literal godsend.
“How bad is it?” Your voice still felt rough from disuse, but at least it sounded a bit more familiar to your ears.
“Pretty bad.” He doesn’t bother you with details; he knows you were never a fan of hearing about your wounds descriptively. “But you’ve always been tough.”
You flash him a grin that has him silently flabbergasted both with how beautiful you are and how quickly you seem to bounce back from a near fatal injury. Suddenly, you remember your last words before you blacked out, and your smile turns shy as you cast your gaze down to where your hands meet.
“...Did you mean it?”
Simon has always been extremely observant and smart, he knows what you are talking about immediately, and you like to think he is smiling under the mask as he goes back to gingerly caressing the top of your smaller hand with his thumb.
“I did, sweetheart.” His voice is low, and every time he calls you a pet name it has your heart doing somersaults. “I’m sorry I don't have a ring yet and I don't know when we would have some time off to have a ceremony, but I want to marry ya’. If you’ll have me, that is.”
Feeling like your smile would grow so big it would rip your face, you beamed at him, acutely aware of how you must have been looking like a mess with a - hospital - bed head and tired eyes, but you’d hoped he could notice the hearts in your eyes as obviously as you felt them. Things always seemed to fall in place with Ghost; no need for extravagance or huge acts, and the fact that your marriage proposal was exactly that, made you fall even more in love with him. You watched lovingly as he raised your hand to press a mask covered kiss on the top of it, and shook your head, laughing gently.
“Of course i’ll marry you, Simon.”
#capy.writes#cod#cod mw22#cod mwii#call of duty#call of duty modern warfare 2#cod modern warfare#cod modern warfare 2#simon ghost riley#simon riley#ghost#ghost cod#simon ghost riley x reader#ghost x reade#simon riley x reader#cod ghost x reader
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🔞 ‘The Price of Milk’ Butchlander Threadfic 🥛
For Butchlander Week 2024, DAY 2 PROMPT: Milk
SUMMARY: Have you seen Karl Urban’s obscure New Zealand 2000 movie: The Price of Milk? That’s it; that’s the plot. The gist of this short 🔞 oneshot threadfic is Butcher has been working undercover as a devastatingly sexy but unremarkable dairy farmer, and the main twist is the handsome amnesiac “John” who’s been temporarily lodging with him “until he regains his memories” might be hiding a little secret of his own. I am agog that seemingly no one’s written this fever dream of an AU before, where Butcher’s actor is a literal dairy farmer and you got Homelander with his milk fetish?? …Very well. I volunteer as tribute!
(The rest of the threadfic can be read here!)
If you don’t have a Twitter account, I have screenshotted the rest of the spicy half below the line break:
A/N - Thoughts? Opinions? I'd love to hear them! Sorry for the somewhat abrupt ending but this was 67 tweets long when I'd originally planned around 25, haha. If I'd do anything differently, I think I'd keep Butcher's alias as "ordinary civvie dairy farmer who immigrated from England" when the lovers reunite. That way it's even more fun(ny) when the truth comes out that Butcher is actually a badass secret spy working for the US government.
I want y'all to know he goes from this 👨🏻🌾 ➡️ to this 🔪 (iiiiit's the contrast)
(Now that you’re done reading, you can read my other 🔞 “milk” threadfic here. They’re unrelated alternate universes.)
#butchlander#the boys#the boys tv#homelander#billy butcher#billy butcher x homelander#threadfic#whoopsie I wrote Price is Milk not Price of Milk#look I’m probably wrong lmao and someone’s already written a similar AU before—but what’s one more?#this might be the only one of the six threadfics I'm gonna crosspost here from twitter (only bc I think this one is funny)#I challenged myself to write something different from my other 'milk' related butchlander oneshot threadfic#the one benefit of posting on tumblr is I have more visual aid images to accompany the threadfic lol#please excuse any mistakes 🙂↕️ I wrote this spontaneously without much thought to the ‘plot’#I hope the foreshadowings shone through every time Billy felt at unease—till the payoff with John being HL reveal
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Hello!! I just found ur account and I’m in love with everything you have posted. How do you see a Jason who, for the first time, has to comfort someone else, his s/o, over a nightmare? He’s had them plenty of times himself but when it comes to someone else, someone he loves more than anything, I think he would be even more nervous and freaked then his partner😭
@applejuicebegood
August 16th Jason's Birthday .
author : @blu3n
Thank you for trusting me to write, I feel very honored that you believe in my potential.
warnings: triggers, death, a little gore!
typical violence in fact. 🪼
nightmares of the night
Everything seemed normal that day. You were laughing and having fun with your namorado, enjoying each other’s company until late hours while watching a random movie.
At about 11 PM, you started to feel sleepy. Jason noticed and asked you to sleep with him in bed. Unlike you, he didn’t fall asleep immediately; after all, his mind was trained for patrols or perhaps because of his constant nightmares.
"Good night, squirrel," Jason said after pulling you into his arms and hugging you tightly, protecting you.You would never sleep on the doorstep; he wouldn’t want to wake up in the middle of the night to check on you. For your safety, he would make sure you slept against the wall.
Your eyes slowly closed as you felt the warmth of your boyfriend. Despite how muscular he was, you felt very comfortable sleeping next to him.Suddenly, your eyes opened after a brief nap.
Looking out the window, you realized it was still night, but what was strangest was that Jason was no longer by your side. Frowning, you decided to get out of bed to see where your boyfriend had gone.
"Jason?" You called out after a short yawn escaped your lips, scratching your belly in a sign of sleepiness. Looking around, you couldn’t find him anywhere.
Where on earth was your love?Shrugging your shoulders, you turned to go back to bed... when you heard the sound of *click* *click* *click*, followed by a louder *click* *click*.
It sounded like something heavy was being hit."Jason?" You hummed; you weren’t worried since it seemed like Jason was just hitting something.
"Lov—" That’s when the *clicks* stopped. Just as you were about to call him again, you felt something wet on your feet.
"Y/N?"
Something whispered in the back of your mind, but you didn’t know what it was.
Your feet seemed to move on their own, pulling you forward as if urging you to see what lay ahead.As you followed into the darkness... your eyes widened when you saw Jason’s exploded head on the floor.
"OH GOSH!" You screamed in panic."Jason?!" You called out louder and louder until you felt something move behind you.
Whoever it was touched your shoulder so forcefully that it caused pain. As petrified as you were, fear washed over you as the figure turned its face towards Jason’s body—it was him, but how? He never—Turning your gaze back, you were forced by the strange man to watch another being remove a crab foot lodged in Jason’s head and strike him again even while he was dead.
"Y/N?" The voice screamed now—loud—louder!
Before you could rationalize who the voice in the back of your mind belonged to or think of anything else, the figure stabbed you in the stomach, making you scream in pain.Your eyes flew open and you immediately sat up in bed, hyperventilating. "Baby... baby, it's me," Jason said with wide eyes filled with worry for you.
"You— I see..." His lips trembled; his eyes were wet as he remembered the horrific scene. You started crying in panic.
"Shh, come here." Jason knew what this felt like; he understood how terrible nightmares could be and how much comfort you'd brought him in similar moments.
He hugged you tightly and kissed your forehead to calm you down.Jason would spend the rest of the night talking to you to help chase away the nightmare from your mind, whispering in your ear how beautiful you were and how much he loved you.
He was embarrassed to help you like that, he didn't know how to be kind or romantic, but he was trying, he was trying in his own way to be affectionate even though he didn't really know how to do it.
He would bring you tea, or warm milk for you to drink after that nightmare or if you couldn't sleep. He would take care of you in his own way.
──────────
🪼 Thanks thanks
#jason todd reader#jason todd angst#jason todd imagine#jason todd x reader#dc fanart#dc fanfiction#jason todd#jason todd comfort#jason todd headcanon#jason todd x y/n#dc comics#fanfic#fanart
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!!! Chris Hartley x Camgirl crush? !!!
maybe Chris has a crush on a reader who outwardly talks about her online anonymous camgirl job? some smutty feels with this request.
I feel like Chris would be kinda into it, maybe even volunteering his hands as props as a joke and reader agrees and it ends up being s p i c y
Cam girl | Chris Hartley x f!reader
| Do not repost any of my writes without credit to me
Request: yes / no
Prompt: Your best friend Chris jokes turn into a fun night
Pairing: no prank au, Chris hartley x f! reader
Warnings: mdni ! 18+ only, this is sexually explicit content. underage (over 18) alcohol and marijuana consumption, p in v, oral male receiving, sort of exhibitionist, sort of voueryism, dry humling, fingering, mentions of pornography and bodily fluids.
A/N: this is like straight up porn! i loved this request and hope i did good by it! I was struggling a little bit with the ending so I hope this is what you meant!! if you haven’t already i’d recommend looking at my masterlist and seeing my previous fic with chris and josh x reader! I hope you all enjoy this one
° 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂
Your friend group was chaotic by all means, and very dysfunctional… but they were like family. For you growing up with people you could rely on was serious fun, and it gave you confidence to be who you wanted to be without any hesitation or embarrassment.
You were who you are and weren’t shy about it at all,
“Beth, Hannah!”
You squeal as you run towards the twins embracing them. It was the yearly Washington lodge party, where the whole group gets together with no adults and no rules. It’s been a few years and even though you’re all adults it still carries on.
“We’re so glad you could make it! Come join the rest of us.”
Beth and Hannah both grab your hand and lead you to the livingroom. There everyone is, you see Chris and Ashley sitting close with Sam and Josh near them. Then Emily and Mike cuddling close near the fire laughing with Jess and Matt. You smiled taking it all in, although it’s been a while since you’ve all been together you were so happy to see everyone getting along.
Sam gets up to hug you which makes everyone turn to see you your eyes fall on Chris.
Chris gives you a smile and small wave, his excitement growing seeing you finally show up. Chris and you have always been close, having a friendship that was a bit more personal than you were with everyone else in the group.
He was there for you in tough times and was very supportive when you told him about what you’ve been doing for work. As a cam girl you do face backlash and judgement but Chris was the one who told you to ignore all of that and do what you want. It warmed your heart and your affection grew from there. It was obvious to everyone except for you and Chris that your feelings were mutual.
Chris stands and makes his way over to greet you, pulling you into a warm embrace.
Josh yells out,
“Hey party girl! Bring anything crazy?”
You laughed and hit his shoulder knowing he’s referencing some weed.
“Well yeah… who do you think I am?”
Chris laughs as he slowly pulls away from you, his hand lingering a little too long on your lower back and mumbles a ‘hell yeah’ to your answer.
Through out the night, the drinks continued and joints were smoked, finally the topic of work came up. Mentions of minimum wage jobs and blogs were spread around until everyone looked at you.
“What? Yes, everyone knows I make videos. Hey i’m not ashamed, I guarantee my bank account looks better than most of yours.”
You laugh and answer some of the questions the girls had. The boys kept mostly quiet besides a few jokes here and there. The only person that was silent was Chris, he watched you intently as you went on about what you do and how much you make, giggling at a few jokes said. His mind wandered to the types of videos you make and a blush subtly crept up onto his face his pajama pants starting to get a bit tighter.
He mentally curses himself for not wearing boxers with his pants.
“So tell me, what’s your favorite part?”
“I mean it’s basically what you think it is, i’m a cam girl and get paid to do stuff. It’s not always sexual, sometimes it’s just small stuff y’know?”
Eventually the conversation turns, and the night begins to slow down. The split drinks left for tomorrow’s problem.
Eventually it was just you and Chris passing the last of your joint, you laughed at his jokes trying to not be obnoxiously loud.
“How did you get into it, the videos I mean.”
You were surprised at his sudden question but answered him nevertheless
“Well it just happened, it just seemed fun. It’s anonymous so no one knows it’s me, that’s the fun part and I love it.”
He nodded at your sincerity, a smile creeping onto his face.
“Okay, okay hear me out…”
You rolled your eyes and listened in waiting for his next joke, waiting for the punchline.
“I’ll be your assistant in your next video.”
Your assistant? You couldn’t believe his offer even if he’s joking. Intrigued, you scooted a little closer to him and laughed,
“Oh really?”
Chris nodded and tried painting the scene for you, using his hands as gesture.
“Just set that camera up and I’ll be there as a help to you, anything you need.”
You hummed and looked at him, his dorky smile plastered on his face
“Anything?”
Your heart skipped a beat at the idea, shamelessly letting it warm your core. Using Chris in all the ways you have imagined, he nodded still laughing until he noticed your shift in mood,
“I’m sorry, did I push it too far?”
You shook your head and picked at the skin on your cuticles, avoiding his eye contact but continued with your teasing.
“Don’t back down now, Chrissy.”
This caught Chris off guard, he swallowed hard and scratched the back of his neck. You grabbed his hand examining his calloused knuckles, your mind replaying dirty thoughts over on how you’d use them.
Chris stayed quiet as your eyes traced him, his bulge reappearing just like earlier. This time it was more prominent, and you noticed immediately.
“Cat got your tongue?”
Your hand traced all the lines and rough spots of his hand, slowly massaging them. You chewed on your lip before finally meeting his gaze. He looked enamored, and was speechless.
“Well I said I would help you didn’t I? Use my hands, or whatever you’d like.”
You could tell his words were still laced with humor but this time he seemed more sincere, waiting patiently for your response.
You moved closer and straddled his lap. You kept his hands in yours and looked him in the eyes.
“Too much?”
He shook his head immediately, desperation in his eyes. He pulled his hands from yours and rested them on your body
“How about we take this upstairs?”
He suggests as his glasses slip a little, he looked obsessed.
You hummed and started to shift off but he held you down, instead he stood up with your legs still hooked around him. He held you all the way up to the room you were staying in, you giggled and kissed his face and neck all the way up.
As you both entered the room he immediately noticed the camera and supplies thrown across the vanity, like you had planned to film later in the night. You blushed forgetting you had set up.
“Planned on getting me naked huh?”
You giggled at his suggestion and purred as he nipped your neck. He laid you on the bed and admired your beauty, even in a loose shirt and shorts he still felt himself getting lost in your look.
“Did you really wanna film?”
He looked up at your face at the suggestion, his mind thinking of all the ways he would make you come undone. Finally with a nod you get up and make your way to the vanity. There’s an array of outfits and a few toys, the camera sitting facing the bed.
“If you’re gonna play with me you gotta mask up.”
You showed him several different ones, both settling on a ghost face one. You humored him as he put it on and tried scaring you,
“Oh, okay nice one bud.”
You adjust the camera on the vanity to face the edge of the bed, then dim the lights so it’s just the lamps on. The lighting and scene setting the mood.
You pat his back before sitting on the bed looking up at him through your lashes, finally putting on your bunny mask that covers only your upper face.
“You ready Chris?”
He nods now being silent, he puts his hand to cup your cheek and you notice his hands shaking a little.
“Come here handsome.”
Switching places now letting Chris sit at the edge of the bed. You stand and dance a little feeling your liquid courage hit your blood stream. Slowly you peel off the baggy tee leaving your upper body exposed.
Chris groaned at the sight and rubs the bulge now poking prominently against his pajama pants for the third time this night, all because of you.
You moved his hands and put them on your waist before leaning in and grabbing the hair at the nape of his neck. You kissed his adam’s apple then his ear, whispering instructions.
“Take my shorts off”
He immediately went to pull them down, eager to see what was under.
“Good job, assistant”
He hums at the sight of you just in your underwear and the bunny mask. You moved your hips and gave him and the camera show, his eyes milking every second of the exposed skin. You make your way to the vanity and start touching yourself sensually for the video, masked Chris in the background palming himself with your every movement.
Slowly you move back over to him and sit on his lap, unbuttoning his shirt to expose his chest. You whimper at the sight and started kissing his neck and shoulders.
Even if Chris wasn’t the most athletically fit man your mouth still watered at his body, you rarely ever saw him shirtless.
His hands trail over yours and cup your breasts, massaging them earning soft whines from your lips.
You move your hips and rub your core on his clothed thigh desperate for some friction, you beg for more.
“Tell me what you want.”
You are surprised at his sudden confidence and it sends shivers down your spine.
“Your fingers.”
He hums in approval and rubs his hand to your ass giving it a squeeze. He moves your underwear to the side and rubs your folds earning a cry from you.
He plays with you with expertise which makes you wonder how much he has done this, mentally you snicker since just a few moments earlier he seemed very nervous, finally he begins slipping in a finger.
You roll your hips riding his hand and begin moaning with ever thrust of his fingers.
Your noises give him confidence, he continues his playful movements on your slit. Your face turns to the camera and you exaggerate your moans making your mouth into an O shape.
Chris helps you slip off your underwear leaving you almost fully exposed for him, if it wasn’t for his mask he would’ve loved to get a taste of your sweetness. He took a mental note to save that for later.
“Let me taste… please?”
You put on your best puppy dog eyes and stick your bottom lip out as show, you want him to feel in control, even if you both know who really is.
You two readjust and suddenly you realize just how big Chris is, you haven’t even seen his cock yet and you know just by looking at him you’ll be overwhelmed,
You grab the waistband of his pajamas and slowly start pulling down revealing he wasn’t wearing any underwear. His cock springs up and slaps his lower stomach, precum dripping down to the base and his tip looking agitated, just ready to be played with.
“So big, isn’t he so big?”
You spit onto your palm and take him in your hands, sensually start jerking him off. Your spit coating his cock ready for your mouth.
Chris grunts and automatically thrusts your way, he wants to apologize but he sees the look in your eyes. He grabs the base of your hair and wraps it around his knuckles balling it up, using it as leverage to push your mouth deeper onto his cock.
He continues his abuse onto your mouth, your eyes watering and noises vibrating against his length as additional pleasure for you.
You eventually move your mouth off and look back up to him, you give him a soft smile before giving more instructions,
“Wanna ride you…”
Your request is a whisper but was loud and clear for him, he helped you up before sitting back down to his previous position. This time you both are naked.
You purr into his ear and tangle your fingers into his hair, setting yourself up onto him. Your chest presses flush against his, feeling his warmth against your own. Finally you sink down, his hands shaking as he grabs onto your hips to stable both of you.
“You’re doing good Chris”
You could tell he had that dorky smile on his face even if you couldn’t see it.
You two continued on like that, but something about this felt different for you than anything else you had filmed before.
Mostly you recorded yourself, with toys or just videos of your body as content. It was amazing, but with Chris it felt so personal and intimate.
Your eyes gloss over as you continue your thoughts, realizing you’re sleeping with your best friend and you’re loving it.
Your bodies mold together with every thrust, and your moans grow louder and louder. You knew everyone might hear but you didn’t mind, you’d prepare for any teasing tomorrow morning.
“Oh Chris, yes!”
Chris is holding onto your ass helping you bounce up and down, his hips thrusting and meeting you at every one.
His whines only motivated you more wanting to help him reach his finish,
“Wanna finish for me?”
As you whisper you kiss his ear lobe and push his chest down, falling down with him. You use the bed to stabilize your arms before continuing your movements. His hands trailed over your body, touching all your most sensitive spots.
Both of your moans bounced off the walls as you contribute to get closer to your climaxes, desperate for it.
Chris rubbed your clit and held you down onto his chest with his other hand, rutting into you.
With a scream of his name you finally feel yourself coming undone, white flashes spreading through your mind as pleasure rips through your body. You continue heavy breathing and Chris chases his own finish.
“M’close…”
He huffed out as he continued his thrusts, pulling you closer with his arms.
You kissed his neck but needed more, you pulled up his mask just enough to see his lips and kissed them. His lips felt so soft against yours, his needy noises coming out as he quickly pulled out.
His warm white cum coated your inner thigh, leaving you slick.
With one last kiss you pulled his mask back down to fully cover his face, and began getting off of him.
You walked over to the camera and blew a kiss, saying your goodbye and clicking off to save the video. You definitely were gonna click back to edit and watch it, your stomach getting butterflies just thinking about it.
“Wow.”
Chris let out a shaky laugh as he tossed the mask onto the bed, his glasses covered in condensation. You laughed as he wiped it off and readjusted them. You slipped off your mask and suddenly felt more exposed than you had all night.
“Was that okay?”
He nodded and rose off the bed walking over to you,
“Was I a good enough assistant?”
You scoffed and hit his arm softly,
“Uh yeah, might need to keep you around.”
He pulled you into a hug and kissed the top of your head. You closed your eyes listening to his steady heart beat. After some comfortable silence you part away and start changing into some pajamas, throwing his pants at him.
“Wanna stay in here tonight?”
It was back to your best friend banter, like nothing had happened.
#chris hartley smut#chris until dawn smut#chris until dawn#chris hartley#until dawn fanart#best friend to lovers#emily until dawn#mike until dawn#sam until dawn#until dawn fanfiction#lovers#josh until dawn#ashley until dawn#until dawn game#until dawn#until dawn smut#josh until dawn smut#barnxsromanxff fan fics#barnxsromanxff
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thinking about mermaid sanji and sailor zoro,,,
the sky is cloudless, the sun’s glimmering off the calm water, the crew’s relaxing on the deck as they’re sailing through a clear patch of ocean; by all accounts, it’s a perfect day. luffy hasn’t gotten them into another shenanigan as of yet and zoro’s chilling up in the crow’s nest, half asleep and lethargic with the heat— and then he swears he hears laughter. and it isn’t coming from the ship.
he’s up on his feet immediately and squinting against the glaring light, wondering for a second if he’s seeing a mirage or a trick of the heat shimmer, because they’re sailing by a large, flat rock.
a rock with merfolk on it.
zoro’s shimmying down the mast in record time, ropes lashing around him as his boots hit the deck and he tries not to look like he’s running to the taffrail to catch a better look. (look, he’s curious, alright? merfolk aren’t a total myth, but they aren’t a common sight either.)
(that, and he feels oddly like someone has cast out a fish hook and it’s lodged behind his sternum, tugging him forward and forward until his hands are pressed palm-flat to the railing and he’s leaning over the edge.)
he hears that laugh again, rich and bright, wide eyes snapping to the mer who made it. golden waves shimmer over a leanly muscled shoulder, curling around a sharp jaw to reveal the mer’s pale, slender throat as they tip an oyster back into their mouth. leaning back on his hands — zoro is rather sure he is a he now, as a deep, smooth voice fills his ears, though he’s had enough tongue-lashings from nami to know not to assume — and tossing his hair back affords zoro a glimpse of a beautiful smile and bright blue eyes, blue as the goddamn sky. or maybe the sea. or perhaps the bioluminescent algae that had speckled the walls of this one cave that he’d been to ages ago—
he’s getting sidetracked. some sound must escape him, because suddenly a gaze so keen he feels his skin prickle is on him and he gulps involuntarily. and then for some reason, he opens his mouth. “are you a siren?”
the man’s curly brows narrow in irritation. “are you dead yet?” he snarks, casting zoro a flat stare and sighing in annoyance when zoro just stares back blankly. “no, I’m not a damn siren. lucky for you, we happen to be their… less bloodthirsty cousins.”
“less bloodthirsty meaning…?”
he shares a bored, bemused look with the woman on her elbows beside him, a mer with the richest purple colouring zoro’s seen in his life and a one-shoulder top made of shiny black kelp. “meaning we wouldn’t drag you down to the depths and feast on your carcass, but keep running your mouth and I might just change my mind.”
the mer’s tail is folded elegantly to the side as he lounges, fan-like tail fin trailing in the water, turning his body so that he can look at zoro properly as he tips back another oyster like it’s his god-given right. a tiny voice at the back of zoro’s mind whispers that this isn’t a good idea, whatever this is. it goes ignored. flaxen hair flutters in a slight breeze, sticking to the man’s milky skin in darker spirals where the tips are wet, and zoro’s breath catches as he watches the mer smile with teeth that are just erring on the side of too sharp.
the words register all at once and zoro lurches back, away from the railing, away from golden curls and blue eyes and pale skin. “what did you do,” he grits, resisting the urge to press the heel of his hand into his chest where it suddenly aches.
the mer shrugs. “nothing.”
“bullshit.”
“what’s the matter, sailor? feeling charmed?” that laugh, again, and zoro feels his heart throb. he watches the other man cock his head, studying another oyster in his hand, tilting the shell back and forth as he sucks on his teeth. “we can’t thrall,” he says finally, posture slackening with a sigh and a pout that seems to say what a shame as he picks up a knife and spins it deftly, shucking the shell open with a neat flick of his wrist. “only sirens can do that. whatever you’re feeling, whatever it may be, hasn’t been borne of any influence of mine.”
the oyster goes down and somehow, that sentence makes zoro feel even worse. it’s like he’s had the air punched out of him; he’s rooted, eyes wide, breathing hard as the mer makes a noise of pleasant surprise and pulls a pearl from his mouth, shimmering between his elegant fingers under the sun.
(zoro doesn’t know it yet, but he’s doomed. he was doomed from the start.)
*
back under the ocean, sanji has a crisis. he doesn’t see humans. he doesn’t meet humans. he and robin had just gone up to enjoy the sunshine and then this— this— brute swings by, with his stupid green hair and his three earrings and his obscenely grimy used-to-be-white shirt— sanji is fuming and he doesn’t know why. swimming laps back and forth across his cave isn’t helping either.
"might you possibly have something to get off your mind?" robin asks lightly, the pages of her book drifting in the water.
sanji does an about-turn and holds in a screech with all his might, forcing himself to relax with an exhale. "i'm just fine, my dear. peachy keen."
"you're making grooves in the floor."
"i'm redecorating."
he rolls the pearl from earlier between his fingers, squeezing it tight until his hand aches. "are you a siren, he asks," he mutters mutinously, fins fluttering as he throws himself onto a seaweed bed with a scowl. "how could a human be so stupid? if we were sirens he'd have been a waterlogged ball of moss on the sea floor by that point— and that hair. he looks like— like—"
"algae?" robin supplies helpfully.
"algae! sentient plant life, that's what he is, a kelp bed. water lettuce. duckweed, even." oh, he's so mad. that marimo pisses him off. the whole lot of them had sailed away, good riddance, because sanji never wants to see any of them ever again. they probably all smelled horrid anyway.
*
the merman's been following them.
the crow's nest is zoro's territory for a reason; he's the crew's lookout, and he's damn good at his job. for the past few days he's been seeing flashes of a broad tail fin and twists of golden hair. (he very firmly tells himself that he's not just seeing what he wants to see, because one, he might have one remaining eye but his eyesight is still as sharp as he keeps his cutlass, thank you very much. and two, why the hell would he want to see that merman? he isn't about to win any awards for his own manners but that guy had been stuck up and prissy and just rude. he's only been allowed to tag along this far because he hasn't presented himself as an outright threat. zoro doesn't want to see him. nuh-uh.)
(zoro sees things in his dreams, too. ocean eyes and a sly smile. a pale torso, knife in hand and teeth too sharp. he reaches out to see if the other man's hair feels as soft as it looks and he always wakes before he finds out.)
rum doesn't help to loosen the tension that settles against his spine at night, like he's waiting for something. he doesn't know what. anticipation, maybe, would be a better word— but that has a slight positive connotation, and— no. this man might not be a siren, but zoro’s enough of a sailor to know that it sure as hell doesn’t mean he isn’t dangerous.
he can't afford to go off chasing pretty mermen when he has a crew to protect.
*
the ship docks for a few days at a barren island. sanji swims laps around the sandy coast and pretends that the thought of his the sailor being beyond his reach doesn't make an anxious itch ripple beneath his scales.
*
water splashes against the side of the boat, and zoro's at the railing in an instant whether he wants to be or not.
“hello, marimo.”
the merman treads water leisurely, golden hair swirling about his shoulders and gleaming in the faint lantern light. it's early enough after sunset that the stars aren't out yet and it's dark as hell. zoro squints.
a laugh echoes in his ears, light and melodious. already familiar. zoro tries to be mad about that. “a little more to your left, moron.”
“well, i can’t very well fuckin’ see, can i?” he scoffs, and bites back a gasp when the water starts glowing, what the fuck. his stupid heart stutters when he sees him, lit up with gentle blues and yellows from below, flickering with the push and pull of the tide and sweeps of that powerful tail. "hey."
"hello," the mer hums again, lashes long and wet enough that they catch the wavering light. "gonna tell me your name, sailor?"
zoro almost lets it slip. almost. but he bites his tongue as he feels a chill run up the back of his neck; sure enough, a glance over his shoulder confirms that nami is glaring at him. don't do anything stupid, her gaze says, and he turns away with a shudder. their navigator is a threat in her own right. "no."
"okay. marimo it is."
"you— that is insulting," he hisses, because it is. he is roronoa zoro. he came from nothing and made a life for himself out of it. he's one of the best swordsmen on the damn seas and he's part of the best crew he's ever known, and he's been reduced to, what? a floating ball of moss?
"it's accurate," the other man corrects with a smirk. "unless you tell me what else to call you."
zoro fumes, fingertips digging into the taffrail. he's sure his nails are gouging scratches in the wood. "no."
"marimo."
"shut up."
"mosshead."
"shut up!"
"algae-brained, kelp-haired, water cabbage-headed—"
"zoro!"
the mer finally stops, lashes fluttering as something passes over his face.
"my name," he ekes out, "is zoro." nami swears somewhere behind him.
the merman's lips part around the syllables of the word, before he draws in a breath and grins, smug. "okay, marimo."
"wh—?!" zoro throws his hands up in exasperation, scofffing. "you bastard!"
"i asked for your name. never said i would use it."
"you're a piece of shit, blondie."
"call me that again and i'll show you how hard i can bite," the mer sneers with all his teeth on show, blue eyes lit up furious, turning away as he prepares to dive and—
"wait!" zoro yells before he can stop himself, and he curses under his breath. ah, fuck it. already got one foot in it anyway. "what's your name?"
"...oh, darling," the mer sighs, half-amused and airy, his voice slipping away. "you're gonna have to work a little harder for that."
it feels like hours later when zoro steps back with a shaky sigh. the merman reminds him of a strong brandy he’d had what feels like lifetimes ago, burnt caramel and warm sugar and smoke with enough hidden bite to take you by surprise, to sink its teeth into you three shots down. enough to intoxicate if you weren’t careful.
he yelps when nami slaps him across the back of the head, faking a lunge at her with bared teeth even as he rubs a hand over his aching scalp with a huff. her nagging about being more careful barely registers. his hair's getting long; maybe he needs a trim.
(that little voice in the back of his head is wary. hesitant. but now it's asking what if.)
*
the ship docks again. this island is teeming with life, thriving, lush with rich green foliage and thick forestation— and beautiful women who all seem to find zoro the height of masculine appeal, apparently. sanji curls himself into a nook in the coral reef and lets his fins trail in the water, the corner of his mouth ticking up a little when a baby clownfish comes to nibble curiously at his fingertip. he's not sulking. he's not. that would be fucking embarrassing for so many reasons and he refuses to think about even one of them.
it's the first time that he starts to feel a little stupid. it had been all fun and games, in the beginning when he'd upped and left on a whim; curiosity and intrigue and the good old urge to stick his fingers in all the cracks this human had until sanji understood every part of him, laid out in the sand like the skeleton of a great sea beast.
but now he's so far away from home, aimlessly following a ship— no, not even a ship. following one person on a ship for no real reason at all.
the clownfish ducks beneath his hand, and sanji cups it carefully in his palm. "you're lucky you don't have to deal with romance yet," he tells it sagely before gently shooing it out of his hiding spot. the water above ripples. it's dark again; the crew must have returned to their boat for the night. sanji sighs and unfurls his tail.
it honestly seems like blind optimism at this point, but he really hopes he's not being played for a fool.
zoro's there when he surfaces, peering over the railing and backlit by the lanterns. sanji focuses and brings out his bioluminescence until the little cove they're in is filled with coloured light. "marimo."
"swirly brow," zoro greets in return.
sanji raises one said swirly eyebrow. "that's new."
"i've got more. blondie, of course. curly head. fishboy—"
"fishboy?!" he squawks, enraged. "fuck you!"
"you wish."
"more like the ladies did," sanji scoffs, and immediately wants to try drowning himself.
zoro frowns. "the hell you talking 'bout, curls?"
the burst of bitterness at the back of his throat is just enough to take him by surprise and loosen his tongue. "they were hanging off your arm like—" mm. nope. he's not gonna go there.
the swordsman's eyes widen like he's just realised something, and sanji does not like that at all. "you're jealous."
"no."
"you are!"
"fuck you," he spits, gills flaring. "i am not." he has no reason to be jealous. they are nothing. this— there is nothing between them.
zoro just grins. "catch."
a white thing drops downwards and sanji darts forward on instinct to let it fall into his cupped palms. "what, s'this supposed to be a present for me, marimo?"
"it's— yeah."
he opens his mouth to reply, before he realises what exactly it is he's holding.
the water lotus fills his hands, its soft white petals edged in pale pink, velvety against his fingertips. something catches in his throat and he dips beneath the water to submerge his gills, carefully holding the flower aloft. his heart squeezes.
the waves lap at the bridge of his nose, hiding half his face as he watches zoro rub at the back of his neck, uncharacteristically shy. zoro isn't shy. sanji knows this much. he is loud and unabashed and unashamed with everything, with how he lives, with how he talks, with how he loves his crew and everything they entail.
but he looks almost— he's blushing, just a little, red across the tips of his ears as his gaze darts away, looking very much like he's mad at himself. "nami said it means strength and resilience, or something." the breath he huffs is harsh as he scratches at his nape. "i don't know, it's stupid, curly, i just—"
"sanji."
"what?"
"sanji. my name."
sanji doesn't want to know what he looks like as he rises out of the water to cup the flower to his collar. dumb, probably. rightfully so, because all of this is a very dumb decision and it's probably going to end in shambles with his heart broken into pieces in the silt but zoro— he looks up, floating on his back, and zoro's already looking at him with something that could be wonder, if sanji dared to name it.
"where did you get this?" he murmurs, tail fin creating large ripples as he swims a circle, holding the lotus like it's fragile.
"there was a pond full of them on the island. thought you'd like it."
"you don't know what i like." it comes out breathy. his hair melts against his shoulders as he tries to push himself closer, closer, across the space between them, like a fool. "you don't even know me."
and yet, he startles back when zoro jumps the railing, splashing feet-first into the water boots and all and shaking his head like a dog when he resurfaces. sanji shrieks and shields the lotus with his body, everything else momentarily forgotten as he whacks zoro with his tail just hard enough to send the sailor back underwater with a sputtered laugh. "you fucking brute!"
"i want to."
"that made no sense—"
"i don't know you, but i want to." zoro treads closer, and sanji's light ripples off his skin. his eyes are grey. warm granite and the inside of an oyster shell. "will you let me?"
sanji wants. there is nothing between them, but he wants there to be. he wants so hard it hurts. it feels like he's holding his heart in his hands and not a flower. it's the only way to explain how he's suddenly aching, hollow, in the face of something that isn't even a goddamn confession but feels too much like one. there is a flower in his hands and he wants.
“why?”
“dunno.” he gets a shrug, blunt and earnest as ever even as zoro’s mouth twists up at the edge. “maybe i’m charmed.”
he swallows hard, his mouth dry, and he doesn't want to say it but he has to. "if this is some sick thing about me being a mer—"
"wh—? no!" zoro blurts, and he looks so fucking horrified at that moment that it settles something in sanji's stomach instantly. "god, fuck, no. no. it's not like that. i swear on my life."
there are reasons why merfolk don't interact with humans. sanji grew up with the stories. he's seen the skeletons on the sea floor, mangled with the hunting tools of man, incomplete remains of his kin tossed away to their deaths, unable to swim or save themselves— still a better fate than the ones who never returned. the ocean is gentle after the burn of her salt; her waves are familiar, and her children are raised in their push and pull. captivity, at the hands of men for whatever reason, is never so kind.
he inhales sharply as callused hands cup his.
"i'm sorry," zoro says softly, rushed and maybe a little desperate, throat bobbing as his eyes dart across sanji's face. "i'm sorry. i didn't think of that at all."
"good," he finds himself replying as he looks down. "that means it didn't cross your mind."
a muscle ticks in zoro's jaw. "that's fucking sick, curls."
"i know." sanji's tone is matter-of-fact. "but it's what we have to deal with, sometimes." he deflates with a soft huff at the expression on the other man's face, looking away. "if you start saying shit like i'll protect you or whatever, i'm gonna smack you. i can handle myself."
zoro sighs through his nose, slowly, and his hands tighten around sanji's. "i know you can. i've watched you hunt. doesn't mean i can't be mad about it."
his eyebrows go up. "you saw me hunting?"
"mhm," the swordsman hums. "you're strong. fast. resourceful, too."
sanji preens. he knows he is, knows he’s one of, if not the best, but hearing it from zoro is another thing entirely.
"...also, my captain's been begging me to get you to fish for us because we're all crap at it."
that startles a laugh out of him, and he smiles so wide so quick that his cheeks ache. "that can be negotiated."
up this close, it's easy to see that zoro's hair is shorter than it was before, shorn short at the back and blunt enough that it just had to be freshly cut. the possibility of it being for him does something funny to his chest. the dark green strands are spiky, sticking up everywhere now that they're wet, and sanji wants so badly to touch.
he looks down at the flower in their hands, and he doesn't.
"this can't survive in saltwater," he murmurs instead, carefully putting his lotus into zoro's scarred palms. "take care of it for me."
he watches zoro trudge back to shore, one hand with the flower held above his head. he yells, "it better still be alive the next time i come check, marimo!" and he doesn't bother waiting for an answer. he knows zoro heard him.
sanji's gonna play this slow. he's gonna play this smart. and if zoro fucks up, well— he’s on friendly terms with a particular shiver of great whites.
*
zoro does not, in fact, fuck up. but now he’s constantly being given shit about his pretty merman boyfriend and as much as he pretends he hates it, he really doesn’t. luffy takes one look and declares that sanji’s crew now, zoro, you can’t hog him! dinners are now seafood more often then not, mussels and clams and all sorts of fish, even lobster when sanji finds out it’s nami’s birthday, and franky engineers some sort of transportable bathtub to get him on board.
(sanji brings robin around and franky falls all over himself making transportable bathtub 2.0, but that’s not the point.)
*
“bioluminescence, right? am i saying that right?” zoro asks, spinning this way and that as he tries to get a good look at sanji’s glowing tail under the water, eyes wide.
“mhm.” the mer lifts his tail fin out of the water, pulling himself closer so zoro can hold both of them up seeing as the pool they’re in is shallow enough to stand in. zoro’s hands twitch around nervously until sanji reaches out and grabs his wrist, pressing his palm flat to wet scales, and his chest aches at the look on zoro’s face.
the cave they’re in is small enough for every little sound to echo. sanji’s tail drips rhythmically, punctuated by the staggered breath zoro sucks in as he hauls sanji closer with an arm low over his stomach. careful fingers trace over the glowing patterns on his tail, fading upwards into his torso, and zoro slides a palm flat against sanji’s spine to lift him up as he presses their foreheads together.
“beautiful,” he breathes, reverent. the reflections from the water dance off his wet skin, and his eyes are mother-of-pearl.
sanji wants to touch, and so he does. he winds his fingers into zoro’s hair and pulls him down and kisses him, tastes salt and rum and the promise of blood when his teeth catch and zoro doesn’t shy from the bite. for the first time in a long time he is safe enough to let himself drift; his tail drapes itself over zoro’s side like a elaborate feather fan, and he giggles at the mental comparison.
he feels zoro smile at his laughter. feels calluses and gentle hands as zoro carries him back out to sea. tastes love when zoro pulls him in for one last kiss before saying goodbye for the night.
*
it starts with more flowers. then jewellery, intricate metalwork that would be hard to come by under the sea, fishnet cords and crystal pendants and pretty trinket rings, then daggers, silver hairpins with edges sharp enough to slice bone and a particularly beautiful watered-steel knife in a sheath of butter-soft leather. sanji cannot help but feel like he’s being courted, which makes no sense, because zoro knows nothing about merfolk courting traditions.
and then they talk as zoro braids shells into his hair the way perona taught him to (“you didn’t tell me you had a sister?!” “she just never came up!” “what do you mean she just never came up, marimo, what the fuck! this is important?!”) and sanji finds out zoro talked to robin about it, the sneaky bastard.
a tail doesn’t stop him from tackling zoro to the sand to kiss the crap out of him, braids unfinished and hair wound through zoro’s fingers. his heart feels fit to burst when zoro turns to ensure he takes the brunt of the fall because they both know how much sanji hates getting sand stuck in his scales.
*
the first time sanji gets hurt, zoro goes rather frantic.
it’s barely a scratch, just a slice near the base of his tail courtesy of a rock he hadn’t been able to avoid while hunting, but zoro bodily hauls him back to the ship between bouts of very concerned yelling and yanks off the black bandana always on his arm, scrubs it clean in hot water for good measure before wrapping up his wound, all while making sure no parts of sanji were drying out in the tub.
“marimo, i am fine,” sanji stresses for the twentieth time, shifting up to cup zoro’s face and sighing in resignation as zoro just shakes his head again.
“i don’t care,” the swordsman announces, throwing his hands up like deal with it. “i don’t care. no more hunting until this is completely healed.”
“it is a scratch. a scratch.”
“i don’t give a shit. you’re staying with me for the next few days.”
sanji groans and grumbles and bitches about it, and when zoro bickers right back it just riles him up even more.
(he stays put. he lets zoro scoop him into his lap with unnecessary care. he leans into the kisses zoro presses to his temple and he feels like crying because he is grateful. always.)
*
slavers attack the ship. sanji may not be a siren, but that does not mean he isn’t dangerous. he has his tail, and his knives, and his love for his crew. this is his crew.
he drags those slavers into the ocean and drowns them one by one.
*
now, sanji’s friend ivankov is a literal sea witch— so when they toss sanji an amulet and a wink on his birthday, sanji already knows it’s gonna be good.
the amulet gives him fucking legs.
only while he wears it, of course, but when he stumbles out of the surf like a newborn fawn zoro nearly chokes in shock. they spend the day falling over each other laughing as sanji tries to walk. he eats shit more times than he can counts and gets enough sand in his mouth for a lifetime.
later, there is a blanket beneath them and the moon above them and the endless ocean, shimmering under the light as zoro gathers his hair out of his face and kisses him so softly it hurts.
“beautiful,” zoro breathes. he preaches it like the truth. swears it like a promise.
their hands fit, calluses against calluses as zoro thumbs over the tiny patch of scales on sanji’s wrist, iridescent yellow-blue. their fingers lace in a motion they’ve done hundreds of times and still it never feels different than the first.
sanji lays back, and all he sees are stars.
#did yall catch that metaphor of the lotus being sanji's heart#and him literally handing it to zoro and saying “take care of it for me”#BECAUSE I DIDN'T#I ONLY REGISTERED IT AT THE END WHEN I WAS THINKING BACK TO IT#accidental literary device slay#LEMME KNOW IF YALL WANT HCS OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT bcs there is Lore this just got too long for it#one piece#zosan#roronoa zoro#black leg sanji#zoro x sanji#one piece zosan#one piece sanji#sanji#one piece zoro#zoro#ino writes#zosan au
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I like to think that in a modern au, if Keith had any kind of social media, it would be a little bit like one of those accounts where you go “is this guy just really committed to the bit or is he just Like That?” Like his instagram account would be full of nothing but reels where he sets the phone camera down after staring silently into it, walks far enough away that his whole body is in shot and does like, ten backflips before the video just abruptly ends with him still in motion. Another video where he walks around town with a ton of little throwing knives and it’s just a montage of footage of him lodging them into billboards and signs and other random hard to reach places. A lot of his videos are taken in the dark at indiscernible locations with nothing but the flash too bright and distorting his face, his eyes flashing like a raccoons in the brightness, and those videos are the rare times he speaks in his vids but it’s always something like “if life has to include suffering then how come it’s minor shit. I’d rather be miserable in a big way that is kinda badass then go through one more awkward conversation with a barista.” His most normal videos are of his dog just zooming around (no commentary or caption) and just. Footage of his legs dangling from absurdly high places with beautiful views.
Lance just randomly comes across his account while scrolling through his Instagrams suggested reels and immediately becomes OBSESSED with xxjustkeith.xx4510fu. At first Lance thinks it’s a meme account, some kind of bit but then the more he watches the less sure he is. He kinda can’t believe someone That good looking would make anything other then thirst content. He spends hours scrolling the account. He starts to wonder if maybe this guy is a serial killer or something. Then he notices in one of the videos that…hang on…he recognizes that place. And that too. And holY SHIT they totally live in the same town!!! So under one of the videos he comments something obscure but that is undeniably From Their Town, basically calling this guy out on where he lives without doxxing him.
Keith immediately dms him like. Who the fuck are you and what do you want. Lance is like teehee hi uh. I think you’re insane 🥰🤪😉. And Keith is like meet me at x spot at x time for a fistfight. And Lance is like hell yeah brother, writes his last will and testament (a text to hunk) and goes to meet this unhinged hottie who literally said they were going to fight. So they meet up and like. Keith is how he is, kind of mostly just awkward and shy with an inclination for feral hobbies and knuckle first thinking and Lance is how he is all chatter and bravado and challenges and charm and so. The do spar a little bit but once they’re both breathless they just go get coffee and talk.
And after that in all of Keith’s videos there are snippets of someone chattering in the background, tan legs dangling just out of frame, a dude who does backflips with him, someone cheering or whining saying “let me try 😞 Keith hey. Let me try.” When he walks around throwing knives. A dude who is otherwise not mentioned anywhere or tagged in anything.
All the people who are fans of Keith account for its adventurous and surreal humor start speculating in the comments. Eventually Keith gets fed up and posts a video reply to the comments.
It’s in selfie mode. It a beautiful day, and him and Lance are side by side. Wherever they’re sitting it’s up high. A breeze ruffles their hair. Keith looks straight into the camera and says completely monotone. “This is Lance. He’s my boyfriend.” Lances silent shock gets cut off by the video ending (he did not know they were dating.)
#klance#lance mcclain#keith kogane#voltron#fic inspo#fic drabble#klance fic#kinda#headcanon#Keith headcanon#modern au#social media au#idk what this is really but where else was I supposed to put it#anyways strange and off putting Keith you will always be a star to me
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Sherlock Holmes is autistic
- “...he had contrived, with that cat-like love of personal cleanliness which was one of his characteristics”. (HOUN) - “I have [...] an abnormally acute set of senses” (BLAN) - “My friend, who loved above all things precision and concentration of thought, resented anything which distracted his attention from the matter in hand” (SOLI) - “I was never a very sociable fellow, Watson, always rather fond of moping in my rooms and working out my own little methods of thought, so that I never mixed much with the men of my year" (GLOR) - “Who could come tonight? Some friend of yours, perhaps?” “Except yourself I have none, - he answered. - I do not encourage visitors” (FIVE) - “...his disinclination to form new friendships...” (GREE) - “Without having a tinge of cruelty in his singular composition, he was undoubtedly callous from long over-stimulation. There was no trace then of the horror which I had myself felt at this curt declaration, but his face showed rather the quiet and interested composure of the chemist who sees the crystals falling into position from his over-saturated solution” (VALL) Low empathy - “He was a man of habits, narrow and concentrated habits“ (CREE) - “He had a horror of destroying documents, especially those which were connected with his past cases [...] Thus month after month his papers accumulated, until every corner of the room was stacked with bundles of manuscript which were on no account to be burned, and which could not be put away save by their owner” (MUSG) - “He appears to have a passion for definite and exact knowledge “(STUD) - “...never have I wondered at it more than upon that spring morning in Cornwall when for two hours he discoursed upon celts, arrowheads, and shards” (DEVI) special interest/infodumping - “'My dear doctor,' said he, kindly, 'pray accept my apologies. Viewing the matter as an abstract problem, I had forgotten how personal and painful a thing it might be to you. I assure you, however, that I never even knew that you had a brother until you handed me the watch” (SIGN) low empathy - “Arrest you!' said Holmes. 'This is really most grati - most interesting. On what charge do you expect to be arrested?” (NORD) low empathy - “We were residing at the time in furnished lodgings close to a library where Sherlock Holmes was pursuing some laborious researches in early English charters” (3STUD) special interest - “My friend's temper had not improved since he had been deprived of the congenial surroundings of Baker Street. Without his scrap-books, his chemicals, and his homely untidiness, he was an uncomfortable man” (3STUD) - “Holmes could talk exceedingly well when he chose, and that night he did choose. He appeared to be in a state of nervous exaltation. I have never known him so brilliant. He spoke on a quick succession of subjects - on miracle plays, on mediæval pottery, on Stradivarius violins, on the Buddhism of Ceylon, and on the warships of the future - handling each as though he had made a special study of it” (SIGN) special interest/infodumping - “His studies are very desultory and eccentric, but he has amassed a lot of out-of-the-way knowledge which would astonish his professors” (STUD) - “He is not a man that it is easy to draw out, though he can be communicative enough when the fancy seizes him” (STUD) - 'Holmes is a little too scientific for my tastes - it approaches to cold-bloodedness. I could imagine his giving a friend a little pinch of the latest vegetable alkaloid, not out of malevolence, you understand, but simply out of a spirit of inquiry in order to have an accurate idea of the effects” (STUD) low empathy - “He appears to have a passion for definite and exact knowledge” (STUD) - “He seized me by the coat-sleeve in his eagerness, and drew me over to the table at which he had been working” (STUD) personal space problems - “With an apology for my intrusion, I was about to withdraw, when Holmes pulled me abruptly into the room, and closed the door behind me” (REDH) personal space problems - “...his long, nervous fingers tapping upon the arms of his chair...” (DISA) stimming - “He paced restlessly about our sitting-room in a fever of suppressed energy, biting his nails, tapping the furniture” (BRUC) stimming - “He began biting his nails and staring blankly out of the window” (STOC) stimming - “Yes, I have been guilty of several monographs. They are all upon technical subjects. Here, for example, is one "Upon the Distinction Between the Ashes of the Various Tobaccos." In it I enumerate a hundred and forty forms of cigar, cigarette, and pipe tobacco, with coloured plates illustrating the difference in the ash” (SIGN) special interest - “'Well, he's that strange, sir. After you was gone he walked and he walked, up and down, and up and down, until I was weary of the sound of his footstep” [...] “I was myself somewhat uneasy when through the long night I still from time to time heard the dull sound of his tread...” (SIGN) stimming - “...in his nervous restlessness, he could not sit still, but paced the carriage or drummed with his long, sensitive fingers upon the cushions beside him” (THOR) stimming - “He appears to know every detail of every horror perpetrated in the century” (STUD) special interest - “When left to himself, however, he would seldom produce any music or attempt any recognized air. Leaning back in his arm-chair of an evening, he would close his eyes and scrape carelessly at the fiddle which was thrown across his knee” (STUD) stimming? - “But this is my special hobby, and the differences are equally obvious. There is as much difference to my eyes between the leaded bourgeois type of a Times article and the slovenly print of an evening halfpenny paper as there could be between your Negro and your Esquimaux” (HOUN) special interest - “'You are hungry”, I remarked. “Starving. It had escaped my memory. I have had nothing since breakfast”.''Nothing?'' “Not a bite. I had no time to think of it” (FIVE) eating problems - “...for days on end he would lie upon the sofa in the sitting-room, hardly uttering a word or moving a muscle from morning to night” (STUD) a shutdown? - “My friend had no breakfast himself, for it was one of his peculiarities that in his more intense moments he would permit himself no food, and I have known him presume upon his iron strength until he has fainted from pure inanition” (NORW) eating problems - “But how do you know that it is hereditary?” ''Because my brother Mycroft possesses it in a larger degree than I do” [...] “He has an extraordinary faculty for figures, and audits the books in some of the Government departments“. [...] . There are many men in London, you know, who, some from shyness, some from misanthropy, have no wish for the company of their fellows. [...] My brother was one of the founders, and I have myself found it a very soothing atmosphere”. [GREE] autism run in families - “We had a pleasant little meal together, during which Holmes would talk about nothing but violins” (CARD) special interest/infodumping - “For two hours the strange business in which we had been involved appeared to be forgotten, and he was entirely absorbed in the pictures of the modern Belgian masters. He would talk of nothing but art, of which he had the crudest ideas” (HOUN) special interest/infodumping - “I remember that during the whole of that memorable day he lost himself in a monograph which he had undertaken upon the Polyphonic Motets of Lassus” [...] “As to Holmes, he returned refreshed to his monograph upon the Polyphonic Motets of Lassus, which has since been printed for private circulation, and is said by experts to be the last word upon the subject” (BRUC) special interest - “Kindly look her up in my index, Doctor,' murmured Holmes, without opening his eyes. For many years he had adopted a system of docketing all paragraphs concerning men and things, so that it was difficult to name a subject or a person on which he could not at once furnish information” (SCAN) - “Sherlock Holmes sat moodily at one side of the fireplace cross-indexing his records of crime” (FIVE) - “The first day Holmes had spent in cross-indexing his huge book of references. The second and third had been patiently occupied upon a subject which he had recently made his hobby - the music of the Middle Ages” (BRUC) special interest - “An anomaly which often struck me in the character of my friend Sherlock Holmes was that, although in his methods of thought he was the neatest and most methodical of mankind, and although also he affected a certain quiet primness of dress, he was none the less in his personal habits one of the most untidy men that ever drove a fellow-lodger to distraction” (MUSG) - “Sherlock Holmes was a man, however, who when he had an unsolved problem upon his mind would go for days, and even for a week, without rest” (TWIS) sleep problems - “The mere sight of his excellent appetite was an assurance of success, for I had very clear recollections of days and nights without a thought of food” (VALL) eating problems - “You are knocking yourself up, old man,' I remarked. 'I heard you marching about in the night”. ''No, I could not sleep”, he answered” (SIGN) sleeping problems - “I do not know how far Sherlock Holmes took any sleep that night, but when I came down to breakfast I found him pale and harassed, his bright eyes the brighter for the dark shadows round them” (NORW) sleep problems
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Haunted- K.B x Fem! Sun Summoner! Reader
Okay, this was requested by @freddycarterswife, and the only reason I’m making a separate post is because I didn’t want the post with her notes and mine to get too long and clog up anyones dash, so this was my solution!
I have two more requests in my inbox and then my requests will be open again and I have a big plan coming up for my two year anniversary on this account (which is being combined with my 600 follower celebration because why not) so a lot is going to come out during the second half of this week! I’m looking forward to it and I can’t wait to start accepting requests again
Fic type- angst with a fluffy ending
Warnings- mentions of death, torsos and legs separating with the use of the cut, mentions of guns, mentions of cremation ashes
You’d fled Ravka in the last days before the war began, vowing never to let anyone know of your status as one of the only two sun summoners who existed in the world at that time.
You fled to Ketterdam stashed on a cargo ship, having expected to find decent lodgings near Fifth Harbor and continue as you had, alone in your endeavors and without fear.
You had enough money to get through your first week, and you found yourself in the Barrel. You saved Kaz from being jumped and got yourself a room in the Slat free of charge and a job working at the bar in the Crow Club on weekdays.
Kaz must’ve noticed it right off the bat, the way with which you carried yourself and the way that you seemed just to exist. It didn’t feel like you were a girl who was down on her luck but rather a girl with a past full of secrets.
But you worked at the Crow Club, you lived in the Slat, and you’d joined the Dregs nearly right off the bat. The money you’d brought with you for your first week dwindled quickly, but the money you made from the jobs that Kaz put you on the crew of made up for it twentyfold, at least. The money was good, the people great, and eventually, your life in Ketterdam was one you settled into; it grew into a secondary home, of sorts.
You summoned the sun on a semi frequent basis to keep yourself from growing sick in the absence of your small science, oftentimes using it to bring light when your oil lamps had died and you were still reading, occasionally using it to bring you warmth when it grew cold in the Slat during the winter.
By the time you’d lived in Ketterdam four years, Kaz came to you with the biggest heist yet. It was in Ravka, the theft of several important jewels and a few apparently priceless enameled eggs with promise of good money from Nikolai Lantsov and his wife, Zoya Nazyalensky.
Nikolai had told Kaz to name his price and Kaz had promptly told him that his price was a minimum of forty million kruge. With those words, the deal was sealed and he’d come to you, asking if you were in or out.
You’d told him you were in, and that got you where you were, standing in a dusty hotel room near the location of the items that you were to steal and return to the palaces.
Nina and Matthias were grabbing food at the small restaurant located inside the hotel, Wylan and Jesper grabbing ice and coffee grounds from the machines at one end of the hallway, and Inej was scouting, seeking any last minute details that could’ve been helpful when the heist was to go down within the following two hours.
“Be careful,” Kaz said, eyes watching the sun as it began to set. You’d been watching it, too. Four years since you’d last seen a Ravkan sunset. As it turned out, you’d missed them more than you thought. “This entire heist is a risk, Y/N. Try not to get yourself killed.”
A grin came easily to your face as you resisted the urge to summon an arc of sunlight, bright and blazing into the room.
You almost wondered what would happen if you did. Kaz had long grown used to the two of you having your own secrets, and would he really care? Would he even blink at the fact that you could summon the sun, especially when one considered that Alina Starkov had died and at least ten sun summoners had been left in her wake? Would he really care about it other than connotating that, had you told him, it could’ve been a useful tool on a few of the jobs you did?
“You too, Brekker,” you said. “Don’t die on me, Kaz. I’d hate to plan a funeral for you.”
He turned to you, and you caught a smirk on his face. “Well, I do at least expect a headstone. My enemies need something to spit on when they’ve heard of my death.”
“Nah,” you said. “No headstone for you or your enemies. I’ll cremate you, turn some of your ashes into a necklace and put the rest into a remake of your cane, provided I find a Fabrikator who can even passably replicate it.”
“If you die, I’ll put your ashes into the water at Fifth Harbor,” he said.
“No, you won’t,” you rebutted. “You’ll put them into soil, and use that soil to plant a garden. I’ve got a will, Brekker. You will abide by it.”
Kaz scoffed. “What, living in the Barrel make you so unoptimistic that you felt the need for a will?”
“Living in Ravka did,” you said. “Not really a good place to live when the Unsea was expanding and a war was almost guaranteed. I left the day before the Darkling expanded it, haven’t been back around until now.”
Kaz only nodded. It was another piece of your history that he didn’t know, another tidbit given to him, another tidbit that meant he would likely give you something in return.
At that, the both of you heard Wylan and Jesper as they opened the door.
“Just don’t get killed,” Kaz said. “I am not the man who will put your ashes into soil or plant them into a garden, so keep your head, at the very least.”
You shook your head, grin moving onto your face slightly. That was as much as Kaz telling you he loved you, and you’d find a way to tell him you loved him in return, be it that night or in due time.
-
You were panicking.
The jewelry had been procured, the enamel eggs in all their horrific, ugly glory were in the bags that you’d hauled over your shoulders. The guards had located you, though, and as fast as the seven of you were capable of moving, it seemed the guards were faster.
You turned just in time to see two guards aiming their pistols at Kaz and Jesper. As though it were instinct, you raised your hands, summoned all of your power to the forefront of your mind.
You were on autopilot, almost, as you summoned a blazing beam of light, held it in your hands, wielded it as a weapon of your own.
And then, you released it.
You watched in terror as your light sliced the guards in two from their torsos, hallowed screams leaving their lips as their knees toppled and their guns fell from their loose, dead hands.
Everything stopped. Jesper, Nina, Inej, Kaz, Wylan and Matthias turned around, having stopped in their tracks. All of them looked to you instantly. Your throat dried and you hated yourself for the fact that you found you had no words.
“You’re a--” Nina began, but Kaz cut her off.
“You can summon the sun, and you never told anybody,” he said.
You didn’t speak, only crumbled to the ground. You weren’t supposed to do that, and some part of you regretted it. But the other acknowledged that you’d done what was necessary to keep Kaz and Jesper alive.
“Whatever,” Kaz said, deeming it unnecessary to carry what was almost a fight into a fight, be it with words or balled fists. “We’re leaving. This is done.”
“Don’t leave me like this,” you said, finding the words at the least opportune time. “Please, don’t.”
“May you find someone else to churn your ashes in the soil and make a garden out of them,” he said. “Because it won’t be me.”
You surrendered the bags you’d carried to Nina, who looked at you pitifully, and watched the crows go.
You left after what was probably fifteen minutes but felt like a thousand days, finding yourself in an alleyway, back pressed against the wall. Your ability to summon was always where things went wrong in life.
It’d nearly gotten you killed when you refused to be the Darklings puppet. It’d nearly gotten you killed when Alina had come around and he realized he didn’t need to hold out hope that you’d come around anymore. Refraining from using it in longer pockets of time had nearly killed you, too.
In the end, your ability to summon the sun had been what caused you to lose everything.
You felt the tears fall, and you let them. You’d be haunted by them, the friends you’d once had, for a lifetime, and that was the precise reason you couldn’t go back to Ketterdam.
On the other hand, what choice was there? Would you go to the Grand Palace, plead your case and pray to the saints that Nikolai would allow you a room to stay in?
Would you smuggle yourself onto a cargo ship just as you’d done four years before? Would you live a life somewhere new, perhaps Novyi Zem, where Grisha were considered to be blessed?
You had no idea, but you knew that you would be haunted by Kaz Brekker, his crew, and Ketterdam for the rest of your life. There was no going back, not after that.
It was just a matter of where, exactly, you would go.
-
You found yourself on Ketterdam soil six months later, the city chilly and the leaves changing as was typical with October weather. You found Jespers gaze in the same time he found yours, a grin easily coming to his face. He’d missed you, so it seemed.
“Glad you got my letter,” he said as you stepped onto the dock. “I’d been going off rumor, mostly tidbits and things that Inej heard of you. Mercenary, hm?”
You shrugged. “Needed something to do after that night. Figured that being a killer for hire was my best bet, and mercenaries make a shit ton wherever you end up. How’d you know I was in Novyi Zem, exactly? I’m good at keeping my locations under wraps so thick that even Inej shouldn’t’ve figured it out.”
Jesper shrugged, shook his head. “You didn’t when you moved on from the Wandering Isle to Novyi Zem. Maybe you subconsciously wanted to be found? Maybe you missed me, or a certain Barrel boss who dresses like he’s a businessman?”
You laughed. “I’ve missed you and the rest of the Dregs, certainly, but Kaz? No. I haven’t thought of him since he left me after I’d saved his bloody life.” A lie, though it sounded convincing enough.
You’d thought of him everyday, day in and day out. You were haunted by him, just as you’d thought yourself to be, haunted by him and by Ketterdam and the Crow Club. You’d vowed never to go back, but then Jesper had written to you and explained that Kaz wanted to discuss something.
So, hesitantly, you left Novyi Zem, a place you were starting to think could be a home, and there you were. Walking to the Slat and talking to Jesper and ignoring the way that your heart could not stop racing at the thought of seeing Kaz again.
Jesper only laughed. “Sure. I’ll believe that if you do.”
You stuck your tongue out at him in retaliation, the rest of the walk being filled with updates on how things had been in Ketterdam and stories of Novyi Zem and the Wandering Isle in turn.
Then, you were at the Slat, leaning against Kaz’s office door, not looking at him as he did not turn his gaze up from the heist he was planning to look at you.
You summoned a beam of sunlight to your fingertips, made a loose fist and flicked your fingers out, watching amusedly as a sliver of sunlight moved and skittered across the room to Kaz’s desk, glinting sharply against the inkwell that was within his vision and causing him to close his eyes and blink in confusion before he looked up and saw you.
“Good,” he said. “You’re here. We’ve much to discuss.”
“We’ve nothing to discuss,” you responded. “Unless, of course, this discussion is to begin with you apologizing for leaving me in the dust when I was the reason you didn’t get killed, even if it meant I’d killed two other people as a result. I want an apology, Brekker, and unless you give me one, or, at the very least, a Brekker-ified version, this discussion is over before it can begin.”
Kaz sighed as he leaned back in his office chair, gesturing to the coffeemaker he kept by the door.
“You don’t look well rested.”
“Nor do you.”
“I can imagine that killing people leaves you with fewer resting hours.”
You scoffed. “I don’t kill innocents, Brekker. In the four years we knew each other before you left me in the dust, I figured you could’ve deduced that the death of innocent people is strictly against my moral code.”
“First off, you’re right,” Kaz said. “You saved my life that day. I know. I know it probably means I owe you, too.”
“The one thing you did owe me has just been given,” you said. “Not quite the words I was looking for, but good enough. Now, what do you really want?”
“To start over,” Kaz said. “We could use a mercenary on the crew, and... people have certainly missed your presence here.”
You grinned. “People being you, Brekker?”
Kaz stayed silent, a begrudging look that said: you know exactly what I mean and I am not going to say it out loud because I am afraid that admitting it makes me weak by default lingering in the blue of his eyes.
“Yeah, people being you,” you nodded, and he nodded. “One reason to agree, then. All I need is one reason.”
“The pay will be decent,” he said. “Better than decent. Name your price.”
“You really are desperate,” you laughed. “Missed me that much, did you?”
“Your price?”
“The biggest available room you have in the Slat,” you said. “My old job at the bar in the Crow Club, and the promise that, if I die on any heist in which I am included, you are the one who churns my ashes in the soil and uses them in the planting of a garden. Don’t care what you grow, as long as you’re the one doing it.”
Kaz laughed, and the part of you that loved him responded like things were as they had been six months before, your heart giving a flit that you did not put aside.
“You’re quite the easy bargain,” he said. “I agree to your terms. Welcome back.”
You grinned, and Kaz felt his heart begin to race just the same as it would’ve six months before, when he’d catch you grinning at one of Jespers jokes or something like a dandelion coming up through a crack in the cobblestones. When he would catch a grin that would come onto your face during the rarer sunny days in fall, most often happening after a series of storms, your face turned to the sunlight as you basked in it.
“You don’t hate me for it still, do you?” You asked. “The fact that I didn’t tell you?”
“I did for a solid two weeks,” he said. “And then my only thought was that you saved my life and that I scorned you for it. I never really hated you, not for a moment. Do you still hate me?”
You laughed, and Kaz felt his racing heart lighten into the weight of air.
“I don’t hate you,” you said, approaching the coffeemaker. You started up a pot, grabbed a book from one of his shelves, and found yourself on the windowsill, just like you would’ve been seven months before, reading while he planned out the next big thing and feeling your heart swell every time you looked at him.
You stayed there through the remainder of the day, occasionally summoning a sunbeam at the right angle while you chatted with Kaz, watching as a rainbow fell across the pages on which he wrote. You felt like yourself again, no longer haunted by Kaz and Ketterdam but rather, happy as ever to be back and in his company.
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