#as much as i wish i could self- motivate on the regular it doesn't always work

[rindemption]

I have a question

Posting my drawing practice and doodles and wips has, in the past, been a pretty effective way to get me to keep drawing. Accountability and all that.

Would there be any interest in seeing those posts here on my main blog, or would people rather I kept it to a side blog?

[twopoppies]

Hey Gina, this is awkward and not about 1D but you're a bit older than me and also a parent so I am hoping you might have some advice. I'm clinically diagnosed with depression, anxiety and ADHD. I hate it but that's the truth so I try very hard to make up for my shortcomings (especially the ADHD). I take all of my medication, I have regular sleep hours, I sleep pretty well, I try to participate in conversations with people. I'm really trying! Here is the hard thing though: I've hit this wall where I'm having trouble with self care. I don't have a job or and local friends so I'm almost completely isolated. And at some point I just let things go that used to matter to me: I rarely wear makeup, I don't shower very often and I wash my hair even less. I can't handle cooking for myself so I eat what's in the fridge and fast and not very much of it. I've gained weight which significantly adds to the self hatred. I struggle to be happy when people I love have great things happening to them. I know this isn't a sustainable way to live but I feel so frozen and don't know how to change anyrhing.

Sorry for the trauma dump but if you have any advice I would love to hear it.

Hi, sweetheart. I'm so glad you're not at that point, but I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so much. I really get how hard all of that can become. Medication helps, but it doesn't always solve every issue. I'm proud of you for doing what you can each day.

I guess my first question is whether you've checked with your doctor to make sure you're on the right dosages/medication choices. Sometimes, it takes some tweaking to get it right (and even things like weight gain can change a medication's effectiveness). Have you had any sort of hormonal workup? Particularly if you're AFAB, hormones can play a HUGE role in exacerbating things like depression, anxiety, motivation, etc., and, if nothing else is a factor, you could ask about a birth control prescription/IUD as that could turn out to be really helpful in regulating your hormones.

Here in LA, I've recommended a mentoring program to a lot of kids who struggle with the stuff you're dealing with. I don't know if they have anything like that where you are or if it's financially feasible, but it's basically a person close in age (assuming you're younger) who's struggled with similar issues and who has similar interests. They schedule "dates" with you a few times a week. It gets you out of the house doing things you enjoy, but it's also a person to confide in/get advice from who isn't a parent or therapist but is more like a peer. I've seen this be super helpful.

Other than this, are you seeing a therapist? Is there one you might be able to speak with, even occasionally? Having some accountability to someone and voicing your thoughts is super helpful. Is it at all possible for you to get yourself out of the house a couple days a week, even for a short walk? Getting out into nature is free and is a proven mood booster. As is exercise. And you don't have to do a ton of self-care to do it.

The self-care thing can be really tough. What I've found to be helpful is to first acknowledge that some days, all you can do is brush your teeth or put on clothes. Even getting that one thing done is still something to acknowledge and be proud of yourself for. Does having pretty/nice smelling things help you want to shower/wash your hair? Maybe getting a cozy robe or new bath products could motivate you to do it a little more often.

I wish I had some foolproof ideas for you. I really know how hard it all can feel. I'm sending you some extra love. ❤️

If anyone is reading all of this and has some better ideas to help this anon, please feel free to add on!

[donnerpartyofone]

(woman voice) As a woman, you have to have regular conversations about physical appearance with people who are being naive, willfully ignorant, or worse. Any discussion of wanting to look a certain way--or even just wanting your ugliness to be accepted and moved on from--invites responses ranging from "looks don't matter at all so why should you care", to "everyone is beautiful in their own way so ugliness literally doesn't exist and don't even speak its name," to "well you have a sexual/romantic partner atm so you shouldn't be insecure or unsatisfied about anything." And like, there are flaws in all of these reactions no matter how well-meaning they might be in context, but the thing that always gets me is the assumption that wanting to look a certain way is exclusively motivated by the desire to get laid or otherwise wring validation out of other people. And like, that's just so limited and shallow, it surprises me that anyone is so willing to go there and no further. It seems to me that appearance is just another mode of expression, and not all expressions are made for the approval of an audience. Sometimes you just need to say something to really be who you are, and wanting to achieve a certain appearance is no different from wishing you could sing or paint or be a sports god or something. It's normal for a person to want to wear clothes and makeup just to feel cool--which a person might fairly do in the privacy of their own bedroom for fun, and if such a person woke up one day with nothing but sweats and fleeces and bar soap in their house, they might feel stifled and unfulfilled. There are things I like about myself and a lot of things I don't like so much, and then there are things I'm learning to live with/out because I'm aging. And I can change what I'm doing fashionwise to get with the season of life that I'm in, and then there are things I want to wear but never can because they wouldn't accommodate my person, they wouldn't have the effect that either I or the designer intended. My projection is that if I could make myself look like the chick from DOGS DON'T WEAR PANTS, I would become totally self-actualized, but as it stands, that look is like a sentence that runs through my mind, but which I can never speak aloud. I mean COME. ON!

[metanarrates]

dumb question: could you elaborate on what you meant when you mentioned the character relationships regressing in princess tutu?

honestly, maybe "regressed" wasn't exactly the right word. the progression gained in s1 still exists - ahiru has gotten to know a bit more about rue and believes that rue is still somewhere in the kraehe persona, fakir no longer wishes to deny mytho his heart, and most critically, fakir and ahiru are now allies. none of those major developments have been set back.

however, literally all these relationships have flattened by virtue of the show simply not choosing to focus on them. rue appears to no longer feel ambivalent about princess tutu (which is sort of gestured at as being part of her retreat into the kraehe role/the raven's daughter, but there's no actual attention drawn to it.) we get next to nothing about how fakir feels about mytho other than "well we gotta get his heart to him and solve the raven's blood problem." I DO think fakir and ahiru have gotten closer, but their relationship is a rather straightforward friendship. it's still a little complex, but it lacks the drive and relative complexity of s1.

this would not be a problem if fakir/ahiru was a background dynamic to all the other ongoing dynamics, btw. they don't need to always be in a fraught ideological struggle. I think their dynamic is cute! but given that there's just very little complexity in any relationship in the show at this point, it does feel like a regression. ptutu has always been a kid's show, and so I never expected a crazy level of complex characterization, but there was a sense of forward momentum and struggle between clashing personalities and motives in s1 😭 compared to that, s2 has felt so empty.

well, except for one dynamic. and that's between rue and raven's blood mytho.

i will say straight up that this dynamic is WEIRD. not for any actual reason of the dynamic itself (in a vacuum it's a fascinating dynamic) but for the writing surrounding it. ive talked EXTENSIVELY about how much I hate the choice to make mytho be possessed by an Evil Self, and this is another extension of that. we know raven's blood mytho is just meant to disappear like a puff of smoke by the end of the plot. in essence, this undercuts literally any and all screentime he gets. we know that, because he is a plot obstacle, he is just not supposed to be taken seriously. his scenes with rue are meant to establish HER as a poor little meow meow, and not to establish him as a genuine character with motivations and feelings of his own.

and of course rue, come season 2, has been established as being pretty much entirely princess kraehe. her motive to possess mytho has been further fleshed out as being part of her backstory as an emotionally abused girl who wishes to free her father and gain a happy ending with mytho.

I do feel this comes out of nowhere and undercuts some earlier stuff with her character. however, it's not a horrible change. even if it's not what I wanted or liked about her, it DOES say stuff about her and lend texture to how she views mytho. however, some of this was unintentional by the writers. rather than being only tragic, she just seems pathetic and sad. I'm wishing for her to both break free of her father AND break free of her idealization of mytho. both her father and raven's blood mytho treat her like shit, and she doesn't care if regular mytho loves her so long as she can possess him. i want so badly for that mindset to go away for her, but from what I know, it doesn't.

all that aside, that brings us to the one dynamic relationship in s2 so far, and that's between rue and raven's blood mytho. as discussed, he is basically a new character. he doesn't feel like he is at all related to regular mytho, even inversely. the only other character he Could be related to is the raven, but given that he's not literally the raven possessing mytho's body, his characterization tells us very little about either character. so... not great for the idea of Existing dynamics progressing. they had to invent a new guy for rue to have character development with!

I do like it. they're mutually using each other, which is interesting. I like their little plotting sessions, and I like rue's continual wish that he will at least love her a little, even though she's mostly concerned with actual mytho rather than him. they feel like fun, toxic allies, and you get a great sense of how they view each other. they're both characterized quite interestingly in their moments together. their mutual ruthlessness is put on great display.

but well... we get a good sense of how rue feels about regular mytho. we know exactly what she sees in him. mytho himself? we don't get his viewpoint on hardly anything.

now, this is justifiable from a watsonian standpoint because of his heart situation. he isn't himself, and is spending most of his time fighting against his evil alter ego. but s1 mytho also had an incomplete heart, and we got a good sense of how he viewed other people! he went from unquestionably allowing fakir and rue to overrule him to asserting his own emotions against them. we see that he was drawn by princess tutu. it seemed like he liked fakir and ahiru at least somewhat. and even before he had his heart back, he still pretty obviously had interests and had his own viewpoint on fakir and rue.

now? nothing. we know he wishes to see tutu, isn't interested in rue's attempts to control him, and that he dislikes his raven's blood persona. that's it. we don't know how his views on anyone else have shifted. a lot has happened - it would be really natural for his perspectives on everyone to change! but we don't see evidence of it. the only time we see the Real Mytho is when he is desperately struggling against the raven's blood.

so yeah. theres just less dynamism between any of the four main characters. it's really not great.

[jjustcallmejuliett]

Answer those questions while being as honest as possible, you can skip a question if it’s really too hard for you to answer, then tag three people to answer this list as well ! :)

Which of your fics you wish had more kudos/comments/bookmarks ?

Which of your fics do you feel is overrated ?

What is the fic that took you the most time to write ?

What do you think is the best fic you ever wrote (until today) ?

What do you think is the worst fic you ever wrote (until today) ?

What is the saddest thing that happened to you related to a fic (may it be success, a draft that erased itself and so on…) ?

What is/are the comment(s) you received that you can never forget even now (negative and positive) ?

A fic you’d dream to write even if you know it wouldn’t get much readers/feedback ?

Coming back to the last question, did the fact that a fic wouldn’t get many readers (rare ship/different dynamic and so on) already stopped you from writing it ?

Which of your fics represent you the best ?

What is your main source of ideas ?

Is there an author that inspired you ?

Is there a fic you wish people to read, because it left a big impression on you ?

What is your favorite topic to read ? And to write ?

What motivated you to make your works public ?

A word you’d like to say to people who pass by / who follow you / who read your fics ?

 SELF LOVE QUESTIONS YAAAAY

Which of your fics you wish had more kudos/comments/bookmarks ?

-That ... that would be the case of my previous Halloween special and my Angels and Demons AU. Two long very difficult to write fics who didn't reach the interest I expected.

Which of your fics do you feel is overrated ?

Do you like me? Oh great! was a drabble that I posted literally just to keep my regularity, and which half of it it's the transcription of a few questions from the press conference. I mean, yea it's soft to read and emotionally reliable, but the fact that it has three times more kudos in three days than my best quality works... Just... Overrated.

What is the fic that took you the most time to write ?

The drivers' Great Dating Manual took 15-20 days, and Your hand fits in mine around a month.

What do you think is the best fic you ever wrote (until today) ?

haha can't choose between my babies.

What do you think is the worst fic you ever wrote (until today) ?

Because I love you so much (I fall to Pieces), probably. It's the worst ending I could give to a very delicate and emotional story, without even mention the misspelling and plotholes I didn't even bother to correct. This is old, and doesn't really represent the writer I'm today.

What is the saddest thing that happened to you related to a fic (may it be success, a draft that erased itself and so on…) ?

Once I deleted a fic because of a comment asking me to do so , after claiming what I wrote was disgusting, disrespectful and inmoral.

It's a sad story, but it's not happening again. I'm pretty much confident about my works and whoever doesn't like them, well... move on and read something else. It's not my problem.

What is/are the comment(s) you received that you can never forget even now (negative and positive) ?

Iwas lucky enough to receive positive reviews from my favourite fic writers , things that motivated me and keep motivating me to write and share my imagination here with y'all. So, a special shoutout to @laeana, @wolfsbanesbite and @someone-worth-racing-for for making this girl proud of her writing.

A fic you’d dream to write even if you know it wouldn’t get much readers/feedback ? did the fact that a fic wouldn’t get many readers (rare ship/different dynamic and so on) already stopped you from writing it ?

Nope, I always write independently of the feed and the views it might get. So luckily for me, I write for pure joy.

Which of your fics represent you the best ?

Smart is the new Sexy  and  This is me. The fics and the characters are fully based in my actions, experiences and personality.

Your main source of ideas ?

GPs material, photos, songs, and asks/requests. Oh and ofc I love to write seasonal themed fics.

Is there an author that inspired you ?

YES, and the list is endless.

What is your favorite topic to read ? And to write ?

-I love to read hurt/confort and sexual dynamics that are new for the characters (fisrt time topping or kinking), unusual (ABO or another AUs) Or unpopular in the fandom.

As to write, I love fluff and humor, and fics where I can express my knowledge on something through the plot or a character. I also love to write Anticlichés, or those fics that you start reading like “I’ve seen this before” but then there’s a plotwist or something that blows your mind.

If you like that too, I’ll recommend you to check Treason and my Vamire AU

What motivated you to make your works public ?

-Many factors. A few friends who encouraged me, the wish of being part of the beautiful fanfic world and have works of mine and readers to interact with, and the yearning of being able to make public something I’m not only good at, but also that I really love to do.

A word you’d like to say to people who pass by / who follow you / who read your fics ?

A very special thank you for being there, for waisting time in reading my fics or tumblr posts, and I really hope that I -at least- manage to make it worth it, by causing a smile, an entertainment or just a mere feeling with the product of my imagination. Love, Julie.

Now, with tag... @wolfsbanesbite @getalittlebitsuburban @redpaint @kyoukai-kanata, @mahixa (pretty please♥)

[iturbide]

What do you think of Lorenz? I see him as a interessant character, I think that he has been abused emotionally (and maybe beaten) by his father. (Hilda herself says that Lorenz's dad is scary). Lorenz, pre-timeskip, seems be very under his father's control. Spying Claude, searches a wife, ect...The saddest thing is that he doesn't see why girls complains, he's even shocked. He points that his father will be angry if the deer lost, ect...(1)

Well first off I think you and I have very different reads on Lorenz and his family situation on the whole.

I like Lorenz!  I went in pretty much expecting that I was going to hate him, and his C supports generaly solidified that impression...but then I started getting through his B supports, and realized that there’s actually a lot more to him than I’d expected.  By the time I hit his A supports I was very fond of him, and he’s one of the characters who I think best shows that IntSys can write effective character growth throughout the game as a whole, even though they generally don’t (I’m looking at you, Sylvain).

But I don’t think that Lorenz is an abuse victim by any means, and I’m struggling to figure out where that even comes from. 

Just because someone says a person is “scary” doesn’t mean they’re abusive -- heck, a lot of people say Dedue is scary, and he’s one of the gentlest people that we meet in the game.  We could make a case that Caspar is an abuse victim because he is clearly terrified of his father, and we have a case that Bernadetta is because she directly states what her father’s done to her; we don’t really have that kind of ammo for Lorenz since he clearly admires his father and gets excited when the man hands an important task off to him since it means that he’s being trusted with responsibilities that affect the Gloucester territory.  Hilda has no insight into the Gloucester family’s affairs, so I don’t think it’s fair to jump immediately to the conclusion that Lorenz is being abused just because, in her personal opinion, his dad is scary.

Also, Lorenz doesn’t seem to be doing anything because his father’s told him to.  He’s not spying on Claude because his dad wants him to, it’s because Lorenz personally has ambitions to head up the Alliance at the roundtable, and Claude is not only in the way of that ambition, his history is extremely sketchy; Lorenz can make a case that he’s just looking out for the Alliance’s best interests.  (That’s bullshit, of course, especially given his B support with Claude, but still, he could do it and probably has.)   He admits that his father advised him to keep an eye on Claude, but the fact is that Lorenz seemed to suspect him well before that and his dad just agreed that it was a good idea. 

He’s also not looking for a wife because his father told him to, it’s because he believes that making a solid match will help to elevate House Gloucester’s standing: much like Dorothea, who’s only looking to get married so that she can ensure she never has to go back to the streets, Lorenz looks at marriage for the broader benefits it provides him and his name -- and notably, he’s not just looking for nobility, he specifically wants a partner who will be able help him bring the Alliance together, rather than just someone who looks pretty or has a Crest the way that Kingdom nobles do (see Ingrid’s arranged marriage to Glenn).  While he’s certainly shocked that the girls at the monastery aren’t taking well to his advances, I think that’s more attributable to him being pretty self-absorbed in the Academy Phase.

I also think it’s a pretty big stretch to say that his father would be angry if the Golden Deer lost (since I’m guessing you’re talking about the Battle of the Eagle and Lion mission in the Academy Phase).  His exact quote doesn’t say anything about him believing his father would take a loss badly -- it’s just about how winning the battle is an honor:

I received a rare letter from my father recently. He said that he is praying for the Golden Deer House to emerge victorious. Insistently praying. My father attended the Officers Academy, and won a glorious victory in the Battle of the Eagle and Lion. I think he is quite proud of that, even to this day. I suppose that shows how great an honor it truly is. 

So while Lorenz certainly wants to win and make his father’s prayers come to pass, there’s no implication that Lorenz is going to suffer -- he just wants to achieve the same honor that his father did and carry on the tradition of victory.

In the War Phase, Lorenz hasn’t really “broken free” of anything -- except the Empire’s control, depending on which route you’re playing.  Lorenz has always been someone who is very keenly aware of the fact that playing nice with the Empire is in the best interests of both his family and the people in their territory, because Gloucester’s holdings are very close to the Imperial border, which means they’d be the first to suffer if the Empire thought the Alliance was a threat.  Gloucester’s pro-Imperial stance is a self-defense mechanism, something that’s clearly stated by Lorenz himself when he fights Byleth at Myrrdin (emphasis mine):

It's been a while, Professor. If this were anywhere but a battlefield, I would offer you tea. I've no choice but to follow the Empire, if I wish to live. I hope you will not think ill of me. 

Gloucester allies with the Empire because they’re the ones at the most risk from an Imperial invasion.  By maintaining a pro-Imperial stance even when the Alliance itself remains neutral in the conflict, they can at least keep their autonomy and mitigate the risk of invasion.  It’s smart, considering that they’re the ones in the most danger should Imperial troops come in -- just look at what happened to their neighbors in Ordelia territory when they willingly sided with Hyrm in their rebellion.  And the fact is that when Lorenz is recruited, he says that he can convince his father.  This is his quote when you persuade him to join:

You're inviting me to join you? But...to abandon House Gloucester... No--I can convince my father. I will help you topple the Empire, I swear it! 

Lorenz isn’t talking about wresting control away from his father or giving up his noble name and title: he believes completely that he can bring his father to the anti-Imperial side.  That, more than anything, says a lot to me about the nature of his relationship with his father: the man listens to him and not only can but will take his son’s advice on matters as important as the fate of House Gloucester.

As a character, Lorenz has always had a powerful sense of noble duty, right up there with literal ray of sunshine Ferdinand von Aegir -- it just doesn’t present in the same way.  While he appears stuck-up and self-centered, Lorenz has some frankly radical views of the nobility’s purpose in the world, based on his B support with Catherine:

The motivation to revolt can only come from discontent with the nobility. But if the people are well protected, and enjoy peaceful and happy lives, there is no such motive. Thus, if such a revolt does occur, the nobility must be held accountable. 

This is something that catches her off guard, because she never expected to agree with him.  And the thing is, I think it’s fair to attribute some of this -- if not most of these core ideals -- to his father, since we know for a fact that Leonie’s village is in Gloucester territory, and it was Count Gloucester who hired Jeralt to deal with poachers in their territory (which ultimately led to Leonie wanting to be a mercenary):

Lorenz: ...It is a noble’s duty to give to the commonfolk. In return, the commoner need only pay respect. Leonie: That’s nice. You left out the part where the nobles take all the stuff the regular folks make. Lorenz: Yes, the commonfolk give the fruits of their labor—willingly I might add—as a token of that respect. The head of Sauin Village offers his tribute in exactly that spirit, you know. Leonie: Sauin? That’s...my village. You knew? Lorenz: Of course. We granted exclusive hunting rights to Sauin, and forbade outsiders from poaching. In fact, when we received complaints of just that, we hired mercenaries to deal with the issue. 

So I think it’s fair to say that Lorenz is getting his views on the noble ideal from his father -- not just from his words, but from his personal examples.

This is not to say that Count Gloucester is a good guy on the whole.  That would be a lie: let’s not forget who orchestrated the death of Duke von Riegan’s heir (Claude’s uncle).  But the thing about Lorenz is that he is stepping beyond his father: he takes what he’s taught and builds all this into an ideal of what a noble is, and therefore what he should be, and strives constantly to meet it.  He learns throughout the game and his supports to admit when he’s wrong or lacking, and work toward improving himself -- that’s frankly the whole underlying message of his A support with Claude.  Claude points out that Lorenz isn’t trying to prey on the Alliance, he’s trying to make it into something better and more unified, and Lorenz admits that he’s not capable of doing that yet because he’s still missing some of Claude’s skills necessary to lead the Alliance properly.  His dad might be willing to stoop to underhanded methods to advance the family’s position -- but not his son.

So yeah, I really don’t agree that Lorenz is an abuse victim.  I don’t see any textual evidence to give me that impression, and honestly, we have more than enough abuse cases in the game already.  I’d much rather let Lorenz be someone with a decent home life who grows on his own merits.

[juncottonluvbot]

Simple joy

Hi!! This my first exo fic!! It's a little angsty but still very fluffy, enjoy :)

Kyungsoo x reader

Kyungsoo may not seem like a simple man at first, maybe being a member of one of the most famous boy groups nowadays didn't exactly help with portraying him that way, but however unlikely that someone in his position would enjoy such peaceful things as cooking, soft sweaters and even have owning a farm as a second option for career (only second to being an world-wide famous singer and actor of course) there he was.

Of course he wasn't totally different from his peers, he did enjoy to fool around with the goofs he was lucky enough to call members, it's just that sometimes, when his members would likely be gaming, still immersed on making music or any other likely agitated activity he just likes the more quiet ways to spend time.

His favourite way of passing time was for sure food, just everything about it, from the buying of the ingredients to the tasting of the meal, cooking was just such an fascinating field and as much as he knew a lot about this activity there seemed to always be more to know.

So there he was, in this little bakery not too far from the dorms, his latest little culinary adventure was centered around desserts, a topic he at first had very little interest in. Not because it wasn't as complex of a field, very much every part of cooking is both complex and fascinating to him, he just never had that much of a sweet tooth.

Now that he's in this cute little spot, one that was so close to him all this time as well, he regrets not having explored this earlier.

He regrets it even more after he sees you.

When you politely ask if he's ready to place his order, with the sweetest smile on your face, Kyungsoo knows he'll have to come here again, and again.

It definatly helped that the deserts were amazing.

So for about a month Kyungsoo found himself coming to the cutely colored place at every opportunity, always asking for a new item of the menu and trying to convince himself that he was going there because of the deserts and not the cutie behind the counter.

All tough he might have convinced himself of his pure motives, his members knew him best and soon began to catch up on his little crush.

The first member to realise was Suho, the leader had asked for a recommendation on where to order a cake and found it odd for Kyungsoo to have answered his question so fast when he had never seemed to take big interest in cakes before.

So, after Suho sharing the strange happening to the rest of the group and Baekhyun connecting the dots that the bakery must be where Kyungsoo has been spending so much of time and money lately, even further confirmed by an inspection of the place, the clear conclusion after seeing you being that Kyungsoo had a crush.

And a big one at that.

So for the next few days after the members came to such conclusions about his life, Kyungsoo hadn't been able to go back and visit you... I mean... The bakery, he hadn't been able to eat all those sweet treats (...and see your cute smiles...) as the members all been either trying to convince him to confess to you or trying to come to the place with him, both options very bad in Kyungsoos eyes.

It wasn't that he thought he wasn't enough for you, he was not afraid of rejection, it was a part of life, after all the things he had done in his life it wasn't as if he couldn't handle it, it was if you did like him back that was the issue.

Kyungsoo is an idol, a major boy group idol, an international singer and actor, dating just didn't quite match with that in his eyes.

You were not an idol, you were not famous at all, just managing a bakery, a cute little bakery, that was your job... How could he step in and ruin that for you?

Dating an idol was not simple, it just wasn't, it was complicated, difficult and bringing someone normal to that, someone who was living such a peaceful and quiet life at that, he just coudn't do it.

The way you smiled so sweetly at him, told him excitedly about the new recipies you were trying out or talked about some weird encounter you had that week, that was enough for him, it had to be, to see you sad would just break his heart.

His members of course felt saddened by his explanation, saying things like 'none of that matters if you love each other' or 'love conquers all', but nothing could convince him;

"None of you have ever had a long term relationship with someone who was not famous, have you?", was what he would say to them, shutting down all arguments and finally being able to go back to paying his peaceful little visits to you.

His members had not lost all hope though, there was no chance of getting through Kyungsoos brain, but they had not yet tried talking to you.

When you saw the three very recognisable (in spite the hats and masks) members of exo, you were surprised, after all they had not come by again after ordering a cake so you thought their opinion on your cooking must be different to your fellow regular custumer and crush Kyungsoo.

You were even more surprised when they politely asked if you could sit down and talk to them for a minute, but, seeing as the bakery was empty at the moment (also due to your curiosity), you agreed.

Now with the odd trio in front of you if was hard to guess what they might tell you, Suho, Baekhyun and Kai was not an common combination, but it came to be as it turns out Baekhyun was very invested in Kyungsoos love life, Kai was Kyungsoos self declared best friend (so he had to be there for him, of course) and Suho was just in charge of making sure nothing went wrong.

And nothing did.

After the boys began explaining the situation to you, completely glossing over the fact that Kyungsoo liked you (causing you to ask them to repeat about five minutes of conversation because of the shock), you began to comprehend the situation.

'So.. I should confess to him?'

Baekhyuns eyes lit up then already starting to get up to leave.

"Yes! See, you're so smart! I can see why Kyungsoo likes you so much. You can go get him now!"

Junmyeon also started to get up to leave, not before saying;

"Just... Hum... Explain to him you understand what you're getting in to, ok?"

"And don't back off if he rejects you at first! That's just the fear talking, he likes you, ok?"

Kai said while getting up and then pointing at some cookies in the balcony.

"Can i have eight of those? To go" , the boy added before leaving.

And so you were left with figuring out how to find the courage to confess to your wildly famous crush, simple.

Now, for a starters you decided against just 'going and getting' him, after all how would you even do that? You don't have his number or adress and you're pretty sure sm doesn't just let people in like that.

So you waited until Kyungsoo went to your shop again.

Wich took him two weeks.

He was forgiven though as soon as he walked in, with that beautiful heart smile of his, you just had to smile back.

Then came the routine, he asked what was new on the menu, you talked excidetly about the alteration you made to the red velvet cupcake recipie and he ordered one with tea.

Now you were left with just how you would approach him?

You decided to wait until he finished his meal, he always stays a little longer anyways.

But after a while of doing your chores, you heard his chair screech.

So of course you got up from your spot on the counter and half ran to him, only realizing how weird that looked like to someone who didn't knew your intentions after you saw Kyungsoos already big eyes double in size;

"Can you sit back down please? I need to talk to you about something"

You noticed his confused expression as he sat down turn in to an irritated one as he began speaking very quickly;

"They told you didn't they? Look i'm not a creep if thats whet your thinking, i don't come here just to watch you. I do watch a little cause you're very good looking and i have a bit of a crush on you but i also come here for the food, you know?"

Kyungsoo then stopped to register his first batch of words, but you interrupted him mid cooking his second one;

"I like you too"

At the first moment of your revelation his eyes filled up with surprise and joy, though that look was quickly replaced by a sad one and he beagan to speak again, this time softly;

"I... I'm glad but this... It won't work... I mean, you know i'm an idol right? I can't just date someone...It's so complicated, you'll get hurt and i...I just can't"

He started to leave the table, only stopped when you took his hand;

"Listen Kyungsoo, i know how complicated idol relationships are, ok? I'm not oblivious, i thought about this. Think, every time you come to this bakery, when we talk about recipies, things of the shop, even the weather, don't you wish for more?"

He seemed hesitant now, searching for something in your eyes, you could only hope he could see what you saw, possibility for something great.

And as he picked up a pen from his back pocket and a napkin from the table you were sure he did.

"Maybe i can cook for you? I'm not as great as you are but i'm definatly not bad either"

"I'm sure i'll enjoy anything you cook Kyungsoo"

"If you say so..."

He smiled at you for the second time today, this time with pink cheeks.

"Goodbye y/n"

"Goodbye Kyungsoo"

Then he went out the door and you were left wishing more than anything that this would work out.

[aqua-eros]

MONSTA X astro notes: Lee Jooheon 🐝

Ladies, gents and non-binary friends, I welcome you once again on this beautiful day to take your time and appreciate the wonderful person that is the main rapper, composer and absolute cutie of Monsta X. Let's see what kind of stars guide the path of Lee Jooheon!

Sun in Libra

Looking at all personal placements as a whole, that will be discussed further on, I can say that his Libra energy is a lot more present and action-based (as it should be), especially as it's backed up by his strong mars. In a way, neither his mars nor other planets push away or cast shadows on his sun, aka ego, personality and individuality, but embrace the sun even more, let it shine and be known.

The core self of Jooheon is represented by the cardinal air sign of Libra, and as the combination suggests, it reflects the need for fairness, equality, objectivity and justice onto the man as well. As a result, such matters of law can be rather important to him, knowingly or not. Of course, fairness or lack of it is a trigger for many people and signs, but it comes from a very personal place for Libras.

this may result in him being secretly/openly petty for certain reasons, most likely associated with justice or lack of it. if someone isn't being honest or fair with him, that's not something he'll easily forget. forgive? probably. forget? no, sir

would not tolerate lack of manners, impoliteness, unreasonable rudeness towards him or other people. such behavior is simply illogical to him when not backed up by rational motives

fashion sense? on point🛍

I bet it stings his ego every time someone tries to scare him lmao, for he is a known scaredy cat

may be somewhat quick to judge a book by it's cover, even if he's keeping it to himself. but being so observant and good at understanding people, he can't help it, he will instantly know (or not) who he's dealing with

charming💎

knows how to appeal to others, how to attract and make them fall for whatever his motives or plans are. knows how to work with people and how to work them, so to speak. this can be both good and bad, but also just a way of survival

harmony is often the main goal of libra placements, therefore a lack of it throws them off, as well as their balance. it's an eye for an eye, yin and yang, and if that isn't the reality of things... well, there's no telling what could happen. keep in mind that we're talking about an air sign, and half of the time air-influenced individuals don't really know what to expect of themselves

Speaking of air, Libra placements are known to possess certain duality to their personality, for it may be hard to grasp who they really are on a regular basis. Sure, they have their own beliefs and ideals, yet they are fantastic at adapting themselves to other people, situations and environments. Some, usually wrongly, accuse such behavior of being shallow, indecisive, fake, yet it is Libra placements that know exactly how to act and what to say in order to get what they want. They take action to achieve their goals, and they have all the charm, social skills and creativity to win over anyone's heart. After all, it's hard to resist a venusian sign like that🌹 He lives up to his nickname, Joo-honey, for he is too sweet to ignore.

i'm sure every fan knows how much duality is present in Jooheon, for he can change character in a matter of seconds and not even bat an eye. from rebel to sweetheart, from sinner to the most innocent, you name it, he can do it all and leave you stunned each and every time

Libra Moon

More Libra energy!🌙 Having this air sign in the moon, a planet of emotions, feelings, instincts and comfort, provides for quite the peaceful, patient, cooperative and socially-oriented individual.

While there is definitely a rebel living inside of Jooheon, he is able to tone that fire down at least for a moment and display great skills of diplomacy, open-mindness and communication, for it is in his nature to get closer to people, form various relationships and bonds, explore them from every corner. He has great understanding of human nature, therefore enjoys finding out as much information as possible about the people he interacts with, relate to it, filter it in order to connect to a person as much as he can. This can grow into a natural gift of negotiation, observation, wider perception of the world and a fair, level-headed mind. Libra moons are good at listening and providing objective points of view in a situation that seems too emotionally heavy or subjective.

The paradox, often founded with Libra moon individuals, is their wish to avoid conflict and keep an emotionally balanced environment and relationships with people, yet somehow, they keep attracting that same conflict, arguments and misunderstandings into their lives unintentionally. It is possible that during these instances, Libras tend to mask their feelings too much and reflect on what others want from them too often, which is, sooner or later, perceived as something fake. Libras might even lose themselves in the process of dealing with others, seeing as no one appreciates their attempts in relating to others, keeping things surface-leveled and comfortable.

Such occurences take a huge toll on their mental and emotional stability, challenging them in ways they do not appreciate. At the same time, it is oftentimes relationships with other people that hold the many life lessons that Libra moons need to learn and accept throughout life. Such instances are even harder when lunar Libras keep ignoring their own feelings and needs for other people, bending down to please or being too accepting and understanding. Sooner or later, the glass becomes full and can break any moment. When that happens, the sharp pieces of glass will cut through anything in their way, as they shatter all around the place. Just like that, Jooheon may have his moments of sudden and intense emotions that hit him like a train, piercing his heart with unpleasant memories, experiences, silenced words and unhealed wounds. And usually, others get really taken aback from such uncalled behavior from someone who seeks peace, meaning that the bad Libra qualities can show themselves, such as detachment, coldness, shallowness, verbal attacks, along with all of the truth a Libra has observed and can't wait to expose about you. This is a cardinal air sign, and as much as they are kind and considerate, they see and know things you don't want to hear. Ever.

For Jooheon, it's important to be honest with himself, his emotions, experiences and naturally, other people. In order to keep the water balanced and even in the glass, he must steady the waves and stabilize the many quakes within him before the water can become calm again.

Scorpio Mercury

In addition to his already very perceptive sun and moon, his mercury provides an incredibly intelligent mind and sharp eye for understanding others' actions, words and motives. In fact, he craves receiving as much information as possible, especially the one that is hidden, secret and full of mysteries. You can barely hide anything from him, for he sees it all, in ways that you may not even suspect.

always thinks of what things he should/should not reveal about himself, therefore you probably won't get a lot from him unless he actually wants to open up. it's a very big step for Scorpio mercury people to open up about their genuine thoughts and feelings, so by doing that they might be overcoming themselves, in a way, showing that they are willing to trust you with their soul

no wonder Jooheon's rapping style and lyrics hit you like bullets. He has a clever mind, plenty observational skills and a wish to speak up about things that are not okay or not discussed enough. And when he pulls you into his spell, he shoots sharply and quickly, leaving the darkest stains behind

thus, on a certain level, his rapping can feel provocative. like an attack. a callout. a statement

has an opinion. a lot of opinions, actually, but will reveal the truth only in the right time and place

mischevious and playful, but his ways are not light-hearted. his interaction with others can seem confrontational

sarcastic💣

as much as he is an enigma, he also yearns for deep connections, therefore you might even catch him wishing to open up more often than wanting to hide

Venus in Scorpio

oof🌌

add his venusian loveliness and charm to his marsian/plutonian magnetism and strength and you have one powerful individual

the definition of alluring. doesn't matter if you want it or not, you're already caught in his web and you probably like it, even if it's a bit uncomfortable🕸

Jooheon is most likely private about his personal life or anything, really, which only sparks more interest in people

intriguing. you don't know what to expect from him next but you like the suspense, the mystery, the unknown

every venus sign is attractive in their own way, and Scorpio venus is attractive because of their confidence and intensity. first inpressions are strong and unforgettable with this placement

that intensity stems from the all or nothing attitude towards life, and it's taken very seriously

another thing is Scorpio's natural caution and sensitive instincts. they take their time to adjust themselves to new environments, as well as getting to know people. their defensiveness and sensitivity are spreaded deep withing them like roots, and they'll be damned if they ever show vulnerability. if they do though, it means they trust you with everything they have

which brings me to this: do not break their trust. one way or another, you will regret ever messing with a Scorpio placement. they don't easily forget or forgive

likes getting close, physical and touchy. maybe even too close sometimes⚡

driven, passionate and posessive lover. in fact, the intensity goes beyond love and touches on all things venus: art, friendships, material things, even beauty

ultimately, emotions rule over his body and mind, therefore he acts according to what he feels, no matter how suddenly or thought out🌊

Leo Mars

you think his Scorpio venus is confident? WELL let me tell you this: his Leo mars excels in that field

in any situation, no matter how loud or quiet Jooheon remains, he's always one of the most noticeable in the room. his aura shines and the attention comes naturally to him, which, btw, he absolutely loves and craves. Leo placements often live for the spotlight and won't be satisfied with a lack of it

hella creative and expressive of his emotions and intentions. sometimes a bit too dramatic or over exaggerating

can be easily offended at times, he's pretty sensitive

the whole world is his stage and he is the biggest star of the show called "life"

goofy, funny and playful🎈but also loud, bold and demanding

C H A R I S M A T I C, another reason why his first impressions are not easily forgotten. his presence is strong, his confidence is obvious, and his goal? is to dominate the scene and ultimately, win, either the competition or your heart🔥

passion is the fuel to his actions and he cannot function properly without it. there needs to be a constant goal he can pursue or do what he loves the most and because of that, grow as a person. his inner fire should never be put out, it is crucial for his survival and well-being

a true performer and skilled entertainer, born to fascinate and capture audiences🎭

prideful🗻

being recognised for his efforts is very important to him, on a much deeper level

as much as he might enjoy fulfilling his own needs and feeding his desires, Leos are also notoriously kind, generous and supportive to their loved ones. they love inspiring and boosting others self-esteem, so any obstacles and difficulties could be overcome even by the most insecure. they are wonderful motivators with insanely big hearts💝

That is all, folks! Thank you for stopping by💕🌟 and check out my other posts with Hyungwon, Minhyuk, Kihyun, Shownu and Wonho. As always, these are made for fun and should not be taken too seriously.

See you next time for the last, but never the least, post about I.M⚡

[sagebodisattva]

The Suffering of the Sacred Cow

So I was asked by a commenter if I ever really truly had deep pain and suffering in my life. I told him that we have all experienced these things to one degree or another. Then I told him that Cash Snowden recently told me something about suffering that I thought he might appreciate., which was:

“Suffering requires a narrative. Pain can be embraced, enjoyed. Suffering and pain are not the same thing. Suffering requires a story in the mind told and believed. Without that story being told and believed, there is just phenomena. The presence of phenomena doesn't have the power to make us suffer. Only our reaction to objects and circumstances can make us suffer."

And to this, the commenter replied:

“Meta Sage. I fully understand that. But it doesn't negate it all. We simply cannot suppress the mind day to day. It's just more insensitive stoicism rhetoric. It's like Rorschach who thinks he has Dr. Manhattan's perspective, haha. You told a commenter that he doesn't have empirical experience under your rock ? video. Okay, fair enough. How can you understand someone else's experience with pain and suffering? It's not all the "same same" visages that dance along. Consciousness is the same, but points of perception have no right to point to stoicism on a soap box as a remedy. Your perspective seems to blame everything on points of perception forgetting that we are a part of the whole. There's no way of wading through this contextualization's "temporary aspects of functionality" and still remain in it.”

So, what exactly is up for this proposed negation that cannot be negated? Does it have anything to do with the actual pain and suffering, or is this just referring to a victimology?

If we can fully understand that suffering is caused by a reaction to circumstances and a narrative told to oneself, then the remedy is clear, isn't it? How isn't it not the same same visages that dance along? Because the specifics of my melodrama are different then the specifics of his melodrama? I mean,... isn't it all melodrama? How is it not all the same same? To think that one's own suffering is somehow more valuable than someone else's, is opinionated and biased.

No one is saying to repress the mind. It wouldn't really be accurate to say that anyway. The mind cannot be repressed; only emotions, feelings, impulses and reactions can be either expressed or repressed. And that isn't what's being advocated around here. I say, don't express or repress. Let it flow through you; witness it, be present, be fully aware of it, but don't feel the need to interfere, with attempts at trying to block it or boost it. Our assistance isn't required. Really.

Much of life is about pain and pleasure management. These stimuli will occur again and again, but it need not cause us to suffer or to have an orgasam... Or, to be put another way: to indulge in attachments, that is, seeking to sustain certain circumstances or seeking to avoid certain circumstances. Depression or euphoria are the psychological result of the indulgence into the narratives associated with the stimuli, it's not a state of being victimizing us. It's a self imposed state, so to speak. To say that these things are insensitive stoicism really makes me wonder about the motive of those who like to wear their suffering like some kind of red badge of courage. Like assuming a victim status affords one of some special standing. It's a little bit annoying.

I find it very unbecoming for people to revel in victimhood. They think no wisdom or activism should apply to them, feel they are above any effort to overcome obstacles, and feel they have some sort of higher ground from which they can wag their fingers at everyone, this alone being the extent of their efforts, and of which they think is duefully theirs by rights, and of which is an exercise of ample action. And if you happen to disagree with them, then all you need is a hammer to the eye, or a family member to be wracked by disease, in order for you to understand their perspective, and hence agree with their narrative.

No, that's all wrong, and it's none of that which is imagined. That is playing the victim, plain and simple. It doesn't give one any special understanding, nor does it elect one to some automatic podium of spirituality.

And besides, isn't that forgetting the relativity of our pain and suffering? Just as we try and minimize others because we feel we have endured so much more suffering then them, realize that there have been, and still are, many others who have experienced pain and suffering the likes of which makes our own pain and suffering seem like tea time at the cat pajama show. So, maybe our idea of loftiness from suffering really isn't that warranted, when there have been others who really have had it much much worse then us. Is that fair? Does it make sense? Or isn't it more realistic to understand that we all know what suffering is, but some experience it more often and to a higher degree then others. But does that fact discount anyone's suffering? Or anyone's right to speak on suffering? Or their suggestions as to the remedies for suffering?

Granted, we don't know the exact configurations of each other's experience with suffering, but that isn't saying very much. Understand, no one is trying to dismiss your suffering as invalid. No one is trying to take a shit on your suffering. No one is saying you don't have a right to feel the way you do about it. In fact, I am very compassionate and empathetic towards your suffering. I wish I could take it all away and send soothing relief over you, to wash away all your pain. But just because our experiences with suffering are not identical doesn't mean we can't speak on the issue together, and explore remedies.

It's not the same as what I told the commenter in my rock video. When referring to the illusion and nature of reality, we can't just say "I understand", because we have gathered some intellectual information on the subject. When it comes to understanding the nature of reality: study, research, gathering knowledge, and building an intellect of details, emphasizes the WRONG approach. It's not a matter of learning. It's not a matter of adding. Empirical understanding is what is required, and this entails a slow gradual deconstruction process of emptying, uncovering and the removal of mental blockades. You unlearn it and realize it. It's clear seeing. If someone doesn't realize it, it's quite clear because, despite saying they understand it with words spoken, it's apparent to anyone who has already realized it, if they really do or not. Someone who understands and realizes the nature of reality doesn't point to perceivables as having responsibility for their inner condition. Someone who is constantly externalizing and referencing the outside world as the source of their problems clearly hasn't made the hurdle. There's no faking it, or any way to grasp it through knowledge. So this is why this example is not on par with the experience of suffering. We all understand pain and suffering to different degrees, so this unites us, and we can all identify with it and share different methods of managing it.

Physical pain comes and goes. If it remains constant, soon tolerance is developed. But generally, pain is not something that sustains as such. But even if such a situation cropped up, wherein non-stop constant pain continued and no tolerance was acquired, there are still different ways to quell it, even if it means taking morphine for relief. Any pain can he healed, it's just a matter of finding the right method.

As for suffering, this is within our ability to control. And I'm not sure why anyone who is suffering would resent possible ways offered to overcome it. People that enable your suffering are not really your friends. Is that what we want? Do we want to be babied? Will it make us feel better if someone diapers and burps our suffering? Ok, maybe a moment of that is nice, but after that, it's time to lift our head up high and take a walk in the sun.

Because if not, then why are you here? If you say you have chronic pain and that there is no way to reduce it, I could either just dismiss you, and say yeah your right. Nothing I am trying to show you can help you, so just ignore my videos, OR, I am gonna keep on encouraging you with my methods.

So then, who says I have no right to point to stoicism as a remedy? It's a good remedy. It's a solid remedy. I want to offer positivity and strength to people who suffer. It's not always insensitive to slap someone out of a torpor stupor. It's actually a disservice and injurious to enable someone to maintain a victim mentality. I would argue that any true stoic is only a stoic because they have had to grapple with extraordinary suffering, and have been able to transact the maneuver I am referring to. Stoics that can laugh, joke and smile, as they are being bull whipped. You know. The ones that don't bat and eye, and wink at you, as they are being crucified. If I were someone who experienced a lot of pain and suffering, I would seek to learn from the stoic, not dismiss them out of hand as insensitive.

I'm not sure what you mean when you say that I seem to want to blame everything on individuals forgetting that they are part of the whole and that there's no way of wading through this context's temporary aspects of functionality and still remain in it. So, I'll just say that nobody is a “PART” of any whole. There is only whole. Parts are apart of the delusion. You are the clear seeing, and not the seen. And what is the seen? Anything beyond the seeing, which includes, your physical body, your psychology, your ego, your environment, other people, the world, the universe and the context of all of these things. So you see, even by me pointing that out just now is insensitive to the standard world view of what a self is.

But that's one thing you should understand about the Meta Sage. I'm a Nihilist. I commit menticide on a regular basis. I am here to undermines your values, reasons, purposes and narratives. But if you watch my videos with any regularity, you should know this already. I go after everything, not just religion and dogma. I am a reality deconstructionist, and everything is on the table. Even suffering.

Yeah, maybe I'm a little insensitive, but it comes with the territory. Spirituality is not really about happy songs and gay dances. Spirituality is about going to war. It's about destroying untruths, and tearing down false foundations. So if that's the charge, then I guess I'm insensitive. But remember, I don't twist anyone's arm and force them to my channel. If you want to be jerked around, there's plenty of fluff to be found out there. There's plenty of fare that appeals to the lowest common denominator. But if you know who I am, and keep returning here, don't bring along any sacred cows.