#as mad and disappointed as i still am at them as many conflicting feeling as i am having rn...

[mortalfortaxpurposes]

feeling so bittersweet about this probably being the last show for a while. the stardust era has been so special and i love you all so so much. foblr forever, in spite of it all <3

[mintaii]

May I ask for your thoughts on Arcane season 2! Be as honest as you want, I ook a lot of issue w it and would love to see what other people took issue with.

well overall i was kinda disappointed HAHA the animation was so jawdroppingly gorgeous (i am going to absorb that art book into my system when i receive my copy), i just wish the writing this season reflected the visuals it was delivered with.

i'll type out further thoughts under the read more

things i really liked:

episode 7 was so peak. an ekko character episode, the whole AU deal, timebomb, heimer's silly little bard song and jayce being miserable in the canyon with the voidimals

jayvik soulmatism (edit: ok but the reveal that the old wizard who saved jayce was viktor was SO goofy i'm sorry i can't take that part seriously)

there were a few scenes here and there i loved. off the top of my head: the entirety of ep 1's opening sequence (aftermath of the rocket launch, the funeral), mel's talks with 'kino' and the build up to the realization that he's fake, vi + jinx's fight paralleling jayce, ekko and heimerdinger experiencing the hexhorrors

i liked the horror elements, lowkey wish they did more of it

sorry i'm going to rip into it for a bit:

the pacing was not great LOL felt like we had no time to marinate in everything they were throwing at us because we had to move on fast. the reason why i love ep7 so much was bcos it gave us the time to breathe

this was the biggest thing for me: the zaun and piltover conflict not being the central story of this season was a disservice to nearly every characters' arc.

too many music videos lmfao interesting how it's for mostly addressing sociopolitical issues in zaun/piltover

i think it's kinda weird u don't see ekko and jayce for a nearly whole act (considering ekko's role in saving the timeline and what jayce finds out in the hexpocalypse)

vi in particular to me felt so extinguished as a character and it makes me so mad how she feels completely shoved to the side writing wise. even her big solo character moment which was her as a pit fighter was? relegated to a music video?

did not like caitlyn by the end of it all and how they handled her character this season unfortunately made me dislike caitvi's dynamic in the finale (and i was rooting for them!!!) hence why i don't like how vi goes i'm the dirt under your nails to her at the end LMAO

i felt like the reveal that vander and silco were besties with vi + powder's mom cheapened the emotional intensity of vander, vi and powder becoming found family on the bridge and vander's decisions afterwards, as well as silco's own decision to take powder in. i'm sorry but i really don't think silco in s1 knew who tf vi and powder were (other than the awareness they were vander's daughters)

prefacing this by saying viktor is my favorite character (to no one's surprise) but i wasn't a huge fan of the direction they took him this season!! i think he should have been a robot but also he was severely underutilised in their attempt to make him the main antagonist in act 3. imo it thematically makes more sense to have the herald still be a machine. also the lack of agency in his evolution was so weird to me (though i do like the idea of jayce being the one to jumpstart the transformation out of love). i could keep going on about him lmao

[glorified-red]

I'm seeing all the hate The Sun & The Star is getting on this hellsite and its so obvious that people aren't reading this book for what it is.

It's literally a children's novel written for children. The book is supposed to be easily digestible and stupid and explicitly written because kids books are supposed to be completely laid out.

Rick has always written dorky things in his books but he has also prioritized writing about real world issues and struggles. He's written about trauma, abuse, PTSD, depression, anxiety, etc. For years.

So here he is writing about deep rooted insecurities and self-doubt and learning to accept all those dark parts of yourself as well as others, AND tackling internalized homophobia and queer struggles, and we're upset the book is too focused on the relationship?

The entire point of this book is to teach the audience how to navigate a rocky relationship with compassion and understanding. It's showing that relationships aren't perfect, you can be upset with your partner and your partner can be upset with you but the point is that you talk about it and you try to do better.

Is it such a bad thing for young teens to be learning this?

Is it such a bad thing for them to see that love is effort? And can and will be flawed and that's okay??

This is the first time we've seen this topic discussed by Rick and I've never seen a book tackle this topic because we always see the Hollywood depiction of love---yet that's unrealistic.

This is showing that love can be flawed but still be oh so beautiful. That you can be traumatized and still worthy of love.

And I am so proud of Rick and Mark for not only showing a healthy attempt at a relationship but also showing countless times that those lessons apply to any relationship. They put significant stress on platonic and familial relationships and how that love is also effort, compassion, and understanding.

Yes, it focused on Solangelo a lot.

Yes, it had soooo many flaws that even I cringed and got disappointed at times.

But the fact that we got a book that finally lets two characters talk about their feelings is incredible, and the fact that this new generation gets this book??

If I had a book like this when I was young, showing me how to navigate conflict and that relationships CAN be hard?? My god, the healing that lesson could have done.

Perspective is everything for this book. Hell, perspective was everything in HoO. It showed that how characters are perceived is very different from how they perceive themselves.

Leo was literally always shown as comedic relief and nothing more until we saw how incredibly lonely and sad that kid was from his point of view.

Percy was always said to be intimidating and powerful, but in his perspective, he's a kid who has no clue what he's doing.

So yea, in this book, it may seem like these characters have shifted, but once again, Rick is relying so heavily on perspective.

Nico was edgy and depressed for as long as we knew him, even in BoO when we first got his POV. But now that he's accepted, loved, and healing, why are we getting mad that he's a dork again---how he was before all the trauma? Why are we mad that Nico is growing and healing and becoming himself again because he feels safe enough to do so.

Ofc he's gonna feel different than how he was written a canon year ago.

And this is the first time we've had Wills perspective. He's always been seen as this sunshine happy character but we FINALLY get some acknowledgement that he's deeply terrified. He's shown as a leader and camp counselor but he's got anxiety written in his bones.

He felt like a burden this book because he's a healer. He's absolutely terrified to be a fighter and yet we got to see him become one in his own way. He was out of his element but he was trying.

Because he's so goddamn afraid of losing someone else.

Call Will an asshole all you want, but Nico had been to Tartarus and the Underworld more times than he could count.

Will is literally walking into a place he's never been to before and is the complete opposite of anything he's ever known---for Nico. The comments he makes about plants and lack of sunshine? It wasn't him being a dick, he was him being genuinely confused because hes only ever known earth logic.

If I saw flowers blooming in a pitch black room I'd be a little confused too. He says the Underworld is depressing because it's literally draining his energy.

You yell at Will for not being open-minded yet won't comment on the fact that Nico hardly made an attempt either. Nico could have been more understanding about the fact that Will, a guy who's exploring this place that's slowly killing him, might not like the place at first because he doesn't understand it.

Because Will wanted to understand.

And the second Will finally began to understand the beauty of the Underworld, he was nothing but supportive.

You get mad at Will for making mistakes yet refuse to acknowledge that he learned from them.

The Sun & The Star tackled a hard topic that doesn't get talked about often. It portrayed a queer relationship and it emphasized characters who learned and grew. It's different from other Rick books because that was the point. (And it wasn't just Rick writing it)

This book was about accepting change within yourself and "daring to be different."

And the fact that you can't even accept a book that does the same just shows that the lessons this book taught went straight over your head.

I've never been more disappointed in this fandom. We begged for this book. We begged for queer representation. Yet here we are criticizing every little thing about it as if we aren't lucky to be getting this book in the first place---a book about two side characters.

This book had soooo many flaws but it wasn't a bad book.

Isn't that the point of it all? To love something even though it's flawed? That flaws dont necessarily mean it's broken and bad forever?

It's okay to hate a book.

That doesn't mean it's a bad book.

It just wasn't for you.

There are dozens of other books in this fandom to love and cherish, but don't hate this book just because it's different from what we're used to.

[threecheersforinking]

Some thoughts about Arcane s2

(spoilers obviously)

To start off, I have a lot of mixed feelings. I don't think it was AS bad as some people are saying, and I definitely don't believe that everyone's characters were ruined/OOC. In my opinion, the overall plot was more of an issue than any individual character's choices (barring a few exceptions). I'm not even going to go into the individual characters, actually.

Because to me, the biggest issues were this:

Lack of a focus on politics

Lack of a focus on Jinx/Vi's relationship

Classism is one of the central themes to this story, and an unavoidable aspect of season 1. It's almost too obvious to talk about. The overarching conflict of Arcane has always been about the tension between Piltover and "Zaun". So why was Viktor and his little army of mannequin clones the big bad of season 2? I do not buy even for a second that Zaunites would suddenly start banding together for Piltover just because they were both at risk of being murdered by some freaky aliens. Why would people in the undercity care? They're already dying and being mistreated. It was lazy, overdone, and not consistent with the thesis of the story. Yeah, having Sevika on the council representing Zaun in the last 10 seconds of the show was great, but how did we get there? Why was that not the focus?

As for #2, Vi and Powder are the main characters and their relationship is at the core of this story. It is the most important relationship in this story. Objectively. And their relationship was not resolved in a satisfying way whatsoever. It didn't have to be perfect, it didn't even have to be happy, but it had to be satisfying and make sense. And it did not.

I truly believe that if those two aspects remained the focus of the story, every other issue that people had with the show or any individual character's choices would no longer be a problem.

I keep seeing people mad that some characters died or their ship wasn't canon but the thing is, this has always been a tragic story. I am not mad that all traces of Vander are gone from Warwick. I am not mad that Jinx and Ekko didn't end up together (even though I literally actively ship them). I don't think everything has to be wrapped up in a nice happy bow for a show to be good. It just has to make narrative sense and be consistent with the thesis of the story, which it was not.

Here's my take: I think many of this season's issues could have been resolved had episodes 1-6 been spread out over 9 episodes with the events of episode 6 being the season finale.

Episodes 1-6 had elements of the central theses that I mentioned earlier. Jinx's attack reignited the suspicion/dislike of undercity folk, therefore upholding the classism aspect; Salo even says "I can't believe we were almost about to give those people rights" (not a direct quote but you get the idea). Vi had lost all hope that her sister was still 'in there', was thinking about Jinx and mourning Powder. The physical fight between them and the role Caitlyn played in it was narratively consistent. These episodes weren't perfect, nor were they as cleanly written as s1, but they had the heart of the story in mind. The real issue is what happened afterwards. They lost the plot, quite literally.

When I heard this second season would also be the final one, I was surprised, but considering there's nothing I hate more than when a story gets drawn out just for the sake of it/because it's popular, I felt like I couldn't complain. However, considering how much convoluted bs they tried to shove into this one 9 episode season, I am confused as to why it wasn't drawn out more. Was it a budgetary reason? An issue with Netflix? I can't figure out what the problem was.

In conclusion, I don't think this season was horrible. Definitely not the worst Season 2 of a beloved Season 1 I've ever seen, at least. But it's still disappointing that the impeccable writing of Season 1 was unable to be matched.

[utilitycaster]

You have such a way of articulating things I’ve been vaguely feeling into intelligent coherent statements. Would you care to elaborate on the way that how Laudna+Imogen “went canon” was a curse?

Hey anon,

Thank you! So this is the thing: obviously I tend towards a fairly critical and snarky demeanor, but like, the best way to put it is in the context of the impending Nein show. I, and most of the people I chat with who are also not feeling Imogen and Laudna's relationship, are not of the "if that PURPLE FLOATY HOMEWRECKER SKANK SHOWS UP I will EXPLODE and SCREAM and DIE" or "fjorester divorce" or pretending Yasha doesn't exist persuasion re: this relationship (or for that matter the WELL if Percy dies after 70 years of marriage to Vex and then she's with Keyleth for the rest of her life WE WIN type of person either). Like, honestly, there was a post advocating for a breakup, but I think it included within it an argument that they reunite after some time apart, and that's kind of the mood. I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed. There's no ship war to be had. I don't dislike the ship because of competition or some fundamental dislike of the characters, and I honestly would like to be able to like it, and the path for it to not suck would have been immensely simple. That path even still exists, though with every week it grows narrow and less smooth and far more awkward, but I think it will require a pretty serious out of game conversation that as far as I know hasn't happen, and I am not holding my breath given the lack of movement.

That's why it's a curse: the generic form of this curse would be "may your ship become canon prematurely, with with only one person really invested, and that person not actually prepared for it or expecting it, and may it have virtually no moments and exist in a very plot-heavy work where it is almost certainly going to be largely out of focus, after the groundwork when things were quieter was never laid, and may it be so close to being good but consistently miss the opportunities for that to happen."

Just to recap the issues, stripping away all the past snark:

It's never really felt like these were two people who had been best friends for two years. They've always felt like friends of circumstance - like people you meet the first week of college and kind of go around with so as not to be alone, or the only other person your age on your street. Because they were both extremely lonely they clung to each other...but they really don't actually connect with each other much in conversation other than just kind of blandly repeating how much they mean to each other and never showing it. They have no real boundaries or limits with each other, likely because of that fear of being alone, but they aren't exploring that in a Heavenly Creatures or Thoroughbreds kind of way either. There's virtually no sense of history - no inside jokes, no shared experiences prior to Zhudanna except for one throwaway line that, like many of their interactions, fell flat. Like...I don't actually think that it's bad to aim for a platonic female friendship and end up with an F/F ship but like. Beau and Jester had a great platonic female friendship that happened to also include Beau's brief crush. Imogen and Laudna didn't even sell me on them being friends, let alone lovers. They have always felt like oddly clingy roommates. Their respective interactions with quite literally every other PC - few of which I find romantic and many of which I find explicitly not romantic - all feel like they have more depth. Orym is explicitly not attracted to either of them and they've both had more meaningful and honest moments with him. Pun unintended but they both felt infinitely more alive during the party split when they couldn't just go to their dull gray comfort zone of each others' meaningless repetitive affirmations.

Zooming into that lack of boundaries and conflict, there's no arc. Once characters get together often the conflict resolves, but there needs to be a build to that point, and we simply don't have that. The two points where this could have happened were: the gnarlrock fight, had it actually played out, could have led to a deepening of the relationship and some honestly and character development but due to what I am again interpreting as fear of losing the other to the point of never addressing any of these points of friction, it just resumed the status quo. Similarly, as I mentioned, Laura flat out said she went in expecting to be rejected. I think that story would have won me over. I think that if Laudna had rejected her, and Imogen had to grapple with that (and, by extension, Laudna's justified anger and trauma from the Team Issylra didn't disappear into thin air) and they spend some time actually figuring out who they are as individuals and Laudna lets herself be more than a validation machine who pushes her emotions down, and then eventually they come back around to each other? I'd be unbelievably on board. And you can go back, to my posts and others, in which we were pretty harsh on the fanon cottage cheese (yes, I am going to try to make this happen) version but said "I trust Laura and Marisha to do this in a way that is interesting" and then they straight-up didn't.

Obviously this has the potential to change - I even think the next episode is finally a case of maybe bringing all the Delilah stuff to a much needed head which in turn might introduce something into the relationship - but man it's been a whole lot of nothing since they kissed. I think Laura's initiated every single conversation, as mentioned Laudna can't even reciprocate 5 minutes of dancing on a ghost pirate ship without wandering off, and they didn't even bother to take watch together.

Something I keep going back to, and which ties into the above, is Brennan Lee Mulligan's whole discussion of how important character creation is to story. The thing is, these characters were created as close friends. Why does this feel so lacking? Like...why do Kima and Allura, two NPCs, feel like they have more weight? Why did the platonic relationship of Molly and Yasha, for which Ashley wasn't even present, feel like it actually was a friendship of 8 months? Sam and Liam came up with an entire system of grifts! Why is literally the only detail we have from the time between leaving Gelvaan and the time arriving in Jrusar is that at some point Imogen and Laudna saw someone with nipple tassles, and that came up once, like 60 episodes ago? Why are people so frequently sold on say, Loquatius/Laerryn, which had less than 24 hours of gameplay over a single night in-game? Why does every single Circle of Needle and Thread member relationship feel more real? Why were Aabria and Travis able to convincingly play ex-lovers in a handful of episodes despite Aabria deliberately surprising him? Like...I am not saying preparation wasn't done, because it very well might have been, but it's not coming through at all and plenty of other people have managed to get across an existing friendship or relationship in a fraction of the time, within the same campaign, so it's not that the plot is moving too fast for it. And again, if prep wasn't done, or if it's not coming across, that's really fixable, but it hasn't been fixed. I think of the 4SD episode where, five or six episodes later, Marisha and Laura still hadn't talked about the relationship and it's like...yeah. We can tell. Literally a two hour trip to a cafe would fix this but god I don't think there's been one.

Anyway, obviously this was an incredibly popular ship, but it's honestly slowed down noticeably since going canon because...it's not that great, and there's not much content in canon. I think a big appeal of the ship was the anticipation and the fanon and now that it's canon...I suspect a lot of people are quietly realizing that actually yeah this is kind of all it is, at least for now, and something is going to have to happen to bring about a change.

And I hope so too - I joke about being a hater, and I am very much a critic...but this really is the realization of that post about being more of a dismayer than a hater. Laura's past two ships are probably my favorites, and Beauyasha is high up there, and even as Vaxleth isn't really up my alley it's sweet and it makes sense and has a lot of great moments. It really would not take a lot of work to make this ship good or at least okay and not...nothingness, but it does take some, and I haven't seen it.

[thevioletscout]

An overly long analysis on who got turned into ink creatures and who’s just a copy

So like many people I have conflicting feelings about the reveal in Dark Revival that some people in the studio are just recreations of their real world counterparts and are not the actual people. I think it’s safe to say a lot of it reeks of retconning to avoid the implications of all these people going missing and being trapped in the cycle indefinitely. And a weird attempt to redeem Joey.

However, there is still a ton of evidence that some of the people we encounter in the studio are in fact the real deal. Mainly because of the damn books. So let’s go over who’s real and who’s not!

1. Twisted Alice

Thank god for clear fucking storytelling. Without a doubt, Twisted Alice is the real Susie Campbell. 

Don’t believe me? Let’s go over the evidence. Thankfully, it’s actually in the game itself, in one audiolog;

"I know how much this part means to ya, Susie. Alice means a lot to me too. Gosh, all of my characters do! In fact, I'll let you in on a little secret. I too really believe my characters are more than just drawings. They're alive. They're part of us. And I want people to know them as well as I do. I want people to be able to shake their hands, spend an afternoon with 'em. Love them. Susie, I'll be straight with you. I'm putting together a small project... a little ceremony if you will. If it works, a lot of dreams will come true. And I want you to be a part of it. ...I want you to bring Alice to life once again. What do ya say?"

And if you still don’t believe me, let’s refer to another one of Joey Drew’s audio logs from the same chapter;

"Listen Tommy, I know you boys over at Gent are doing your best, but I'm paying for living attractions, not weird abominations! Whatever that grinning thing was I saw wandering around your office, you better keep it locked up tight! I realize it was a first attempt but imagine if the press caught sight of it! Might scare off investors! And in response to your previous memo: If you claim that your failures are because these things are soulless, then, damn it, we'll get them a soul! After all, I own thousands of them!"

With both of these audio logs in mind, what else could Joey have been planning but to literally make Susie into Alice Angel? For the cherry on top, Alice also recalls many of Susie’s memories throughout Chapter 3 and even directly refers to herself as Susie.

I also want us to keep these audio logs in mind because these confirm that Joey had to have taken human souls from his employees, even if its not as many as we thought.

2. Tom and Allison Angel

Yes, I’m putting these two together. Their characters are pretty closely tied so if one’s real it’s likely the other is. And unfortunately, that is not the case.

Both Tom and Allison are copies.

This is actually something that can be deduced from the first game. In Joey’s house, we get a corkboard of basically three confirmed survivors. Wally Franks, Thomas Connor, and Allison Connor née Pendle. They all politely rejected Joey’s attempts to “reconnect.” This, sidenote, is also partially why I can’t be too mad at the reveal that some people in the studio aren’t the real deal. It was already set up as a real possibility.

On top of that, the memory of Joey in Dark Revival outright confirms that Allison Angel is just based off the real Allison, and not actually her.

So as disappointing as it may be, these two are fakes.

3. Buddy Boris

If you’re only familiar with the games, you might be surprised by this, but real. 

In the book, Dreams Come to Life, we are introduced to the character Daniel “Buddy” Lewik. Now spoilers for the book, but he becomes the perfect Boris. This is outright confirmed. We see it happen, and Buddy tells us outright this is the case. 

“Now I'm not really Buddy anymore. I am also Boris. Descending deeper into this world of ageing, yellowing madness.”

Case closed.

This book is also some of the most explicit confirmation that at least some of the studio employees entered the Cycle.

4. Sammy Lawrence

REAL. I will not hear anything else!

Alright, let’s revisit Dreams Come to Life, because aside from providing the origin story for our favorite Boris it also clearly illustrates the transformation of Sammy from stressed music director to unhinged prophet.

In the book, an ink pipe bursts and Sammy gets covered in the gunk. Buddy helps him clean up, however some had already gotten into Sammy’s mouth, and he got addicted to it. From there, Sammy’s behavior gets increasingly strange, and he begins drinking the ink whenever he can. Most tellingly, he begins to worship the Ink Demon. He then disappears, in actuality hiding.

Skipping ahead a bit, Buddy is captured alongside another character named Richie. Enter Sammy, now completely transformed into his Lost One-esque appearance. A visual confirmation that Sammy Lawrence became the prophet.

After this point, things get a bit blurry. Sammy is knocked out when Dot comes to rescue Buddy. However, he is not confirmed as dead- at least for good, and in all likelihood survived and entered the Cycle.

5. The Projectionist

Like Sammy and Buddy, Norman’s fate is mostly confirmed via Dreams Come to Life. Thankfully for my time and sanity, his confirmation is a bit simpler.

Norman’s fate is quite abrupt. By the time Buddy and Dot last see him, he’s already dead. Admittedly, my understanding gets fuzzy from here. Joey confirms that his soul was meant to be used, but that he was infected by the ink so there’s very little soul left to use.

I’m not entirely sure what that’s trying to tell us, but I think it is trying to say that Norman did become the Projectionist. Mainly because Joey says there’s little soul left, not that the soul is unusable. It would also leave a pretty loose thread for the Projectionist’s existence if he is not Norman.

On top of this, the achievement you get if you kill the Projectionist in chapter 3 is “Norman’s Fate.” A pretty strong indicator that the Projectionist is actually Norman.

6. Jack Fain

Jack’s status is actually a little hard to determine. There’s nothing that outright confirms he entered the Cycle and nothing that outright confirms he didn’t.

Personally, I think it would not only be a little random for Joey to make a fake Jack Fain, but a fake Jack Fain that’s a searcher of all things. As such, I’m going to conclude that this is the real Jack Fain, for now.

7. Bertrum Piedmont

Again, there’s little confirming either way, but there is a little more detail to suggest that this is the real Bertrum, so I think I’m also going to go with “real Bertrum until proven otherwise.”

8. Henry Stein

This one hurts, but... Fake. I believe at one point in development, this was the real Henry, but unfortunately Dark Revival pretty explicitly confirms that this Henry is just a copy, and there isn’t enough evidence to pull from the first game that proves that’s a lie beyond nitpicking about throwaway lines.

9. Honorable Mentions

We also have two other characters with undetermined fates. Grant Cohen and Lacie Benton. We know they are dead, but have yet to come across a confirmed encounter with them in the studio. There are also numerous characters in the Dark Revival with little confirmation either way.

Conclusion

So to wrap up.

Real: Twisted Alice, Buddy Boris, Sammy Lawrence, and The Projectionist Fake: Allison Angel, Tom, and Henry Technically Unknown but Presumed Real: Bertrum Piedmont and Jack Fain

In conclusion, these games give me a headache. Bye.

[compassionatereminders]

TW: abuse mention, death of family member, grief, gaslighting, victim-blaming

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Hey, I sent in an ask before, and I wanted to say thank you for your advice. I basically have cut off contact with my mom and stepdad (blocked their numbers), but now I am dealing with stuff from the other side of the family. This is more of a vent, but I'd appreciate it if you had any advice.

So, long story short, my dad's wife was abusive to me and my older brother. She and my dad have 2 kids both in their 20's. I told them both their mom was abusive and they did not take it well. That was back in January.

Fast forward to now, my grandma passed away a couple of weeks ago. I went to the hospital before she died. And I went to the funeral. But it's weird because I'm not actually that sad because we barely had a relationship. Everyone else seemed way more sad than me.

Anyway, I got really annoyed and angry just seeing all of them again. They're all dancing around the elephant in the room, which is the truth bomb I spilled.

I also found out my dad cheated on my mom, and I have another sibling. I didn't know that until a few years ago when my mom told me. It's ruined my image of him.

My little half-sister's response to the whole truth telling was, "I'm mad you didn't spend more time with me growing up, I thought you hated me." And I was like, really? They literally moved out of state. What did you want me to do? It's disappointing because I was actually worried she was going through the same thing I was, but I was wrong, I guess.

I had put so much pressure on myself to be a good role model since we almost were like their second parents. I tried to model compassion and kindness, which she is not showing me now. I thought she was like me, but she's much more like her brother and mother (not surprising).

And my little half-brother was just victim-blaming. But he's evil and has been since he was a child. Both the kids are very spoiled and self-absorbed, especially given their responses.

Everyone is letting me down. And I know it's not my fault, but it sure feels like that. Idk, I just feel really lost. And I felt conflicted about blocking everyone because what if it was an emergency? But they don't prioritize my safety at all. And they don't care.

Everyone at the funeral kept asking me how my older brother was, and I was so annoyed. We don't talk, and he also lives out of state. I don't know how many times I have to say it before it gets through.

And I just feel a lot of grief, especially when I saw my dad. And he barely said anything to me at the funeral. It could have been different. They're treating me like an adult now, but they don't know anything about who I actually am. They all want me to be someone I'm not. And I can't do it. Not anymore.

And you don't have to. You don't owe them anything just because you decided to participate in that funeral. I get that it's triggering to have to be confronted with your past and the people in it in this manner, but you absolutely still get to continue on the path you've chosen and to keep your distance as you move forwards from here ❤️

[pulim-v]

Two characters

Senshi

Asgore

:]

SENSHI

favorite thing about them

He genuinely cares so much for everyone around him it makes me go crazy

Least favorite thing about them

It's a character flaw and it's awesome that it stops happening as the story goes on but the racism gets quite annoying at times

Favorite line

"For all of these years... I've wanted to taste this soup again!"

brOTP

Don't really have one? It's hard to think of a platonic connection Senshi has that has both parties as relative equals and still feels platonic

OTP

If I'm ever not spreading the Chilchuck Sandwich propaganda it is because I have died

nOTP

Don't really have one either, it's hard to find characters without chemistry here lol (maaaybe him and Marcille? Though idk I haven't seen it anywhere)

Random headcanon

I feel like I'm disappointing y'all but I don't make headcanons 😭

Unpopular opinion

Haven't seen that many takes regarding Senshi but I do think a lot of people really misunderstood the conflict between Marcille and him as one of them being wrong while the other is right while it was actually a ✨️nuanced situation✨️

Song I associate with them

Cooking by the Book ft Lil Jon

Favorite picture of them

I have no shame

ASGORE

favorite thing about them

His boo- his a- his ha- the way information about him is drip fed as thw game goes on and you slowly get to piece together who he is

least favorite thing about them

Babygirl couldn't you maybe have CONSULTED the other ruler before DECLARING WAR????

favorite line

"Nice day today, huh? Birds are singing, flowers are blooming... perfect weather for a game of catch"

brOTP

Don't have one! Asgore is so isolated from the rest of the game that it's hard to actually pinpoint a relationship that's close tot hat status lol (though in DR Sans and him could have a nice dynamic)

OTP

Asgorudy 🔥🔥🔥🔥 I love old man tragic yaoi

nOTP

Barring stuff that's Just Straight Up Gross, I'd have to say that I just don't like him and Toriel as a couple, a whole ago I'd have said that it's toxic but like. She doesn't like him. She made that clear. In Undertale he actually respects that.

Random headcanon

Definitely has a German accent, at least in Deltarune. Am I basing that solely off his song title? Maybe. But still.

Unpopular opinion

I don't think he dislikes Sans lmao even in Deltarune he's giving him free pickles, he doesn't seem like the type to be mad that his (ex)wife has a friend

Song I associate with them

Don't have one 😔 maaaybe smth like Adventure Time's Monster? Not sure

Favorite picture of them

JUST remembered his tarot card exists and holy shit

I could ramble about this for hours what a fucking masterpiece

[pixelagames2000]

Ok so here’s a drawing I made to show the many ways I can relate to Optimus Prime

I am not very animated, I’m very reserved with my emotions, it’s mostly my face that’s not very expressive, I can however express myself in other ways, like with my voice and body,

————-———————————————————-

My voice can be very monotone and blunt, but it can also be expressive in some ways, I’m very soft spoken but I can project.

————————————————————————

I don’t cry unless something breaks me, I don’t get angry often and when I do, I don’t explode, I emplode. I do laugh, but it’s not LOL laugh, it’s more like a snicker,chuckle,giggle or just a “heh” or even a quiet/silent wheeze.

————————————————————————

I’m very articulative, I speak more intelligently then formally, but I suppose there are some situations we’re i talk formally, it all depends on the situation (I suppose I have a way with words bit eh who knows, and if so then speech therapy really did work wonders)

————————————————————————

I do not like conflict or drama, and I do not want to harm others, but if there comes a situation where I need to defend myself and others, I will

————————————————————————

I do not like conflict or drama, and I do not want to harm others, but if there comes a situation where I need to defend myself and others, I will

————————————————————————

I’m easily trusting of others, because I wanna see the best in them (and I have trouble seeing red flags) I prefer to resolve issues in a peaceful and civil manner, I won’t punish people for doing something wrong or get mad at them, I will be disappointed tho and shake my head, and if necessary give them a stern or firm lecture

————————————————————————

Calm is my default setting, i have been told I’m wise in many ways, but I’m still naive to the ways of the world (hay I’m only 23 I’m still learning) I’m quiet,serious,sensitive and kind, I’m loyal and faithful, I can be stubborn but only with things I’m passionate about like my projects, I’m the support of my friend group, I’m always there to help and support others if they need a friend to comfort them, I’m eternally Optimistic tho I can be anxious and doubt myself from time to time, and I’m compassionate I try to be understanding and respectful as best I can, I try to be pleasant.

————————————————————————

Anyway that’s basically it, I might have missed a few things but eh it’s whatever, sorry if there’s any spelling errors, I am dyslexic so I can make mistakes like that, also I’m on the Autism spectrum, so a good bit of these traits that I share with Optimus, are autistic traits

Dose this mean Optimus is autistic? No most likely not, tho it would be cool if he was, Also this is random but you know how the matrix of leadership has helped Optimus to grow and improve, I kinda feel a similar thing with the Holy Spirit (yes I’m also Christian) because it…or god or Jesus, has also helped me grow as a person and learn to have self control, so there’s that witch I find to be an interesting…thing…(I know the word to use I just don’t know how it’s spelled) anyway hope you found this interesting ^^

[runninguplenorahills]

Hello!! I just wanted to say that I love your art so much!!! Your art style is so cool and I love how there are sometimes little squiggles and shapes around characters when you draw them!!

Your art has actually been really inspirational for me, and, I will say this until the end of time, your shading is incredible!!! When I first saw your art of sad Will and Mike I was like “I’m going to draw like that one day!” I’ve shown your art to my younger brother and be both totally obsessed over your cleradin art and the Byler week summer love prompt of Will (which is one of my favorite Will Byers fanarts of all time, the colors and the happy summer emotion it’s showing is amazing!!!)

I hope that you have a fabulous day!!!!

Ohhhhh, what if I just started crying? Like, AHHHHH, I can’t even describe how happy I am to hear this ajhsiwieevdbhss thank you thank you thank you, you’re too kind!!💗💞💓🩷💕

The sad Will and Mike fanart is actually the first actual byler fanart I made and I myself am incredibly proud of how both of them turned out so to hear someone else appreciate it, and my art in general, as much as I do is genuinely wonderful! Especially because I have grown quite insecure about my art during the time I’ve been sharing it on tumblr. It’s not that the little feedback changes my own perception of my art but it still affects me negatively which is why I mostly only tease my artwork with polls and wips but put off posting the finished piece. Now just the thought of posting my art puts me in a bad mood because I already know that I’m setting myself up for disappointment, and the whole thing just generally makes me feel bad because of the “oh the byler tag just generally has a problem with reblogging fan content” to “but look, all those other people get so much more notes on their art than I do so my art is the problem” pipeline and the internal conflict between “I spent a significant amount of time on this and I’m rightfully mad for getting so little recognition” and “There are so many other artists who get way less recognition than I do and maybe I’m just ungrateful” and then I feel bad for feeling bad, like, this is mentally exhausting…🫠

But whenever I post a wip or even manage to post a finished piece I can always count on all your kind words and I want you to know that they don’t go unnoticed nor unappreciated even though I might not always respond!💓I’ve also noticed you re-reblogging my art and AHHH thank you!! It means the world to me💞🌷

And to think that someone would consider my art an inspiration? It’s like a dream come true alwjwnsbsujwnwj 🤧💗💗, I have to fight back tears rn :’). And you’re definitely gonna be able to draw like me someday, very probably better actually hahah. And do tell your brother that I appreciate that he likes my art as well💓

You actually just made my day and I hope I can make yours too with this tiny Will I drew for you <3

[thegreatimpersonator]

Thank you so much for being okay with it, I know how draining this topic can be. I recently saw a post that said "you shouldn't stop being friends with someone just because they did something wrong but actually tell them that they were being wrong because that's just how they're gonna realise it" and I really think that fits with me and taylor. I know she's not my friend but she has had this force in my life for so many years that I basically see her as my friend. That might sound parasocial but I really am not parasocial. I'm not one of the people who are obsessed with her you know speculating on every aspect of her life and thinking you know her so well. What I mean when I say I see her as a friend is that I say stuff like "I love her". Now with the whole stuff that happened this year (m*tty) I wasn't proud of her, I was pretty mad and disappointed. But then there was this "I'm sure she doesn't mean it that way! I'm sure she isn't a bad person! She has done bad decisions but she isn't evil just because she was near that guy doesn't mean she is okay with everything he represents" and I know these thoughts don't justify what she did. But now again I always ask myself if she really did such a bad crime? I know she did something problematic but does that automatically mean she hates pocs, muslims, jews, lgbtq etc people? And I always think the answer to that question is no because she for sure is immature and a white feminist but a people hater? I wouldn't say that. And this is where I don't know what to feel about her because I don't want to hate her or unstan her for that one month nonsense and I probably won't but these thoughts always come up in my head. It's mostly because of the fact that she had such a big impact on my life and she's known for being one of the kindest celebrities so it'd beweird to think that that was always a lie. And now back to the quote I mentioned up there. I really think it represents my "relationship" with taylor cause sure she's not a real friend she doesn't know me and I don't know her but in this case if we say she'd be my friend I shouldn't just stop being friends with her which means unstanning her but actually tell her she's being wrong for her to be better next time. And I know holding her accountable doesn't make a difference in her life unless it's just the minority who does it but at least I have a great feeling that I'm able to hold people accountable that I really like. Look I'm 20 years old and without sounding parasocial I really do lover taylor. I wish she'd understand she did something wrong and apologise for it but at the same time if almlsy no one tells her that she's not gonna find that out. I know she's a grown adult who should be able to see what's right and wrong but I have such a weak spot for her that I would just be worried for her no matter what she did. For example this whole overexposure of her life right now. I know she knows what she's doing but I just can't stop myself from being worried for her because I don't want her to get hurt in any sense.

I could talk about this forever but I will stop here otherwise you're going to freak out. But I just want to know if I'm being unreasonable or if my worries are justified

I completely understand what you mean. I think that whole situation with M*tty really was the breaking point for a lot of people, a lot of people finally saw her as the performative person she can be. Her getting on a stage and calling herself an ally all while dating someone who says slurs and spews hate speech was truly insane to me and a lot of others.

I agree with what you said about how her having whatever that moment was with him doesn’t mean she meant any direct harm to those groups, it’s not even comparable to what he does, but it is still inexcusable and hurtful. And that’s where the complex and conflicting feelings come in.

If you love something you want it to grow and better itself, whether it’s people or whatever else, we have no idea who Taylor truly is as a person, but we love what we believe the concept of Taylor is and we care. I dont think it’s a dangerous thing to be that level of parasocial, she’s told us for over a decade that she cares about us and we’ve done things as a collective that show we care about her. It’s not strange at all to want to her to better herself in these aspects of being a better person.

I think it all comes down to being a responsible, mature consumer of media and fandom. No one is going to be perfect and spotless in the eyes of everyone, but particularly celebrities bring it to a very problematic level. Celebrities are public figures and their actions have such stronger affects than the average person, plus whatever they present publicly is what they are okay with being in their life, so Taylor showed she was okay with that man’s terrible behavior. I think to remember that and acknowledge that she is very much a white feminist who does not stand up for others and can be very hypocritical at times is a really healthy mindset to have, acknowledge she definitely has her flaws and not see her as a perfect god, not give her the benefit of the doubt when that just means turning a blind eye to her harmful actions and making up excuses for her. No human being is immune to criticism.

As long as you can acknowledge all of her flaws and not be one of those fans who defends her at every turn and ignored the red flags she has constantly waved in the air then it’s perfectly fine to remain a fan. It’s still completely reasonable to have empathy for her and be worried about her well being or what might happen in the future due to this insane over exposure that’s happening. You don't wanna see someone who might have helped you through so many rough times go through one themselves. It’s complicated and that’s perfectly fine, one day you can love her and others she can do some things to piss you off, there can be mixed emotions.

[gayspock]

okdok (how my mam spells okie dokie; need to give her credit) some more bsg thoughts

okie btw i never properly said. i DO rlly love the themes of religion in the show. i have seen glimpses (i go through threads, bc im nosy, despite trying not 2 spoil myself) of ppl rlly rejecting it but sorryyyyy its just... yknow like- i loathe how patronising scifi can be of it sometimes, AND how bad fanbases can get. coming off of trek, well, youknow....

also completely . disavowing it .. is always soo silly 2 me bc... like im not religious myself, even, but i always find it one of the most interesting things to explore within fiction ^_^ esp esp with more scifi stuff, like... thats one of the best places to challenge and to play with it. smile. both with its relationdship between science but also how with its relationship between Humanity and how that might differ for different cultues.... and again its so disappointing the way its hanled so much of the time in many works, and by many Scifi enthusiasts. -_- bc its sooo reductive.

anyways i still sometimes feel like theres something missing from the show and i think thats just me im not sure why. like in terms of like... a certain incompleteness thats not JUST them pacing it out, or leaving things up for interpretation... but i cant uqite put my finger on it. its like i feel like maybe its just bc s1 was SO short for what it was and s2 has been very plot heavy. i think the show would have benefitted a bit more from some more establishing "filler" eps in terms of, like, worldbuilding, yknow? again- i really want to see more of the civillian side of things. i hope we get more of that ^_^ its deffo not like THE WORSTTT problem the show oculd have

BC LIKE OTHERWISE im rllyyyy loving the direction they took EVERYTHING in in season 2. omg. they set it all up so well and OUGHGHGHGG. i love how its testing everything theyve built from s1, wrt the command. absolutely crazy moves...

i was absolutely ITCHING for a presence like admiral cain and she delivered. part of me wishes it went a bit longer? just a bit. i dont think it was like... RUSHED... partially bc i do agree her takeover would have just been immediate, like it was, and i dont know what her role really could have been after they called off the assassinations. but idk- i wish we got to see a bit more of her, i guess! maybe even just an ep or so.

nonetheless she was still a really good contrast. her and the pegasus and how its run, versus galactica. and i do think.... i think i tlked before abt how sometimes i was unsatisfied with how, like, bsg kind of handled its own politics sometimes? like- specifically the roslin and zarek. i think thats moreso an issue with the latter, and again how... kind of lacking i find him, for what could be a really good and interesting opportunity to challenge roslin, who does have issues, unchecked, rather than just be kind of a minor antagonist ... & THATS EVEN MOREE the case with his presence back on kobol. like he was literally there just to cause conflict and idk like its FUNCTIONAL but its also like comeee on you can be more interesting with him! come on!

BUT here i do think with both cain and tigh's brief stint in command they did well to rlly explore it a bit more so im forgiving it. its not like that fixes that mess but this stuff was good enough for me to be like 👍uh huh, yaknow? b c it was soo good and argh im- SPEAKING OF, i am glad they did "remember" incidents like the gideon massacre, even after adama came back. again i do wanna see MORE of the civillians- but i think we're going to getthat soon, i hope? i feel it more in the air, with the introduction of that new number 6 and the cylon apologists which im rlly excited for... both bc theyre things i rlly wanted to see more from the show ^_^

anyway i feel like noneof this is that mad i just wanted to ramble in bc i haventttt properly eek and squeak i feel like i acc dont have much to say ^_6 despite rlly enjoying myself and the show LOL

sharon is still my favourite btw teehee smile

[cosmojjong]

.

[suna-reversed]

Hello :)

Sukuna. fluff. Pretty please.

Could you write something about sukuna falling for itadori's best friend. You can throw some angst in there too because I am a masochist❤️

Sukuna x F! Reader 

oh god, this turned purely self indulgent halfway through. low key thinking of turning this into a series to give you the angst you deserve.

A/N: (reader is Itadori’s senior and is 18) (loosely inspired by the song “me and my husband” by mitski)

“And I am the idiot with the painted face

In the corner, taking up space

But when he walks in, I am loved, I am loved”

——-

- You had been one of the few poor senior students who had been victim to what had been Itadori’s “elevator pitch” for more people to join the occult club early back in high school. [the said “elevator pitch” being him jumping out at random people with a white bedsheet over his head saying “boo” as he handed you the club form]

- You didn't end up joining the club. But you somehow did end up getting joined at the hip with the chaotic mess under the white sheet.

- Whether it was you two rushing to the theatre to watch Jennifer Lawrence’s new movie,  or going to a revolving sushi place [only to get pocky from a nearby vending machine instead because revolving sushi is apparently expensive], Itadori Yuuji had become a comforting and very important presence in your life.

- So of course when he suddenly dropped out of your life, being the worried friend you were, you decided to poke around a little only to find out that he was...dead?

- Maybe a few months down the line, you would’ve started to slightly recover from the tragic news you had just gotten. Instead, what you got was your supposedly dead best friend popping up days later to tell you that he ate a finger and now he was the vessel for some centuries old curse,,,

- Um yeah...safe to say that Yuji did not expect you to go into the fit of emotions that you did [boy had the audacity to call you dramatic for fainting and then crying while hugging him once you gained consciousness] 

- some time passed and Yuji and you didn’t see each other much with him practically training to be the strongest jujutsu sorcerer. Still, simply happy to have him back alive, your brain managed to convinced itself that everything was still the same. 

- And it was when he’d sneak out a day or two from his heavy schedule and you’d be back to your normal routine of watching movies, stuffing your face with snacks, getting your face licked by the mouth on Yuji’s hand…

- ,,,wait what

- The first time the curse had made contact with you was simply out of annoyance of why the stupid brat even took the time to see someone as mundane as you so often.

- His plan was to simply scare you into leaving, knowing it would cause the brat pain.

- So he grabbed the opportunity when Yuji moved forward to brush off some popcorn dust on the side of your mouth, not only licking the side of your face but also being successful in slightly grazing his teeth against your tender skin. 

- Yuji had mentioned that being a vessel had caused some weird physical “abnormalities” for him. you didn’t understand it back then but at least knowing that had sort of prepared you for such an instance.

- So imagine the curse’s surprise [and an even further growing annoyance] when your eyes barely widened for a second before you burst into laugher, 

“Didn’t you train your dog to not bite?”

- by now, Yuji had jumped 5 feet away from you and was still halfway through his string of apologies, but upon hearing your reaction, he mused on your fake calm while letting out a chuckle himself, 

- “Guess I’ve got to get a leash for him” 

- By this point, the ever so indifferent curse had taken two teenagers talking about him like a mere annoyance as a personal challenge.

- And that’s how it started.

- He’d come out every now and then, licking your fingers as Yuji passed you something or making lewd remarks on anything and everything that you ever started a conversation about. 

- But you and Yuji barely paid him attention and it was an understatement to say that it infuriated the living hell out of him.

- Particularly you, who wouldn’t even be annoyed or sarcastic about his tactics anymore. Instead, treating him like a friend who was simply joining you and the brat to hang out. 

- He hated it. Hated how bright your laugh was. Hated how you made them stop every time you saw a stray animal just so you could pet it. Hated how your skin was as soft as a cloud and how you sometimes smelled like cherry blossoms. He’d kill you in an instant if he could ugh.

- it was a weekend and Yuji and you had been watching a movie, even though Yuji was barely paying attention. You knew he was tired as his large frame slumped over your shoulder. Pulling the blanket up to his face, you once again felt the wet feeling of the assaults you had grown familiar with on the side of your hand.

- “You could’ve just asked for a pocky if you wanted one, no need to lick it off my fingers you grumpy little thing”, you laughed as you stood up to go to the bathroom

- that snapped the final string. 

- Coming back into your living room, you wondered if Yuji had somehow gotten up in his sleep and managed to draw weird black lines over himself all in the span of 5 minutes. 

- ‘Yuji, what the fuck?’

- ‘Well well, now who’s acting like a grumpy little thing’ 

- The deep voice sent rumbles down your spine and you knew in an instant what had happened. 

- Even though your breath hitched in your throat and your body begged for you to run as fast away as you can, you held your ground as you simply tilted your head at the curse 

- “Well, I’d like my best friend back if you don’t mind.”

- You saw the smirk on Sukuna’s face falter for just a second before he crossed the space between the couch and you.

- Now as strong of a front as you managed to hold up until now, watching something like that stride straight towards you would have had even the strongest of sorcerers shitting bricks.

- Instinctively, you took a few steps backwards, but he simply continued to close the distance between the two of you until you were backed up against the wall.

- You flinched as he slammed a hand right next to your head and he seemed to gain immense satisfaction from that as he looked down at your startled face with a smirk plastered on his tattooed face. 

- Sukuna was sure that you’d be begging for his mercy any second now. His smirk widened and he was ready to mock your pleas as he saw you open your mouth to say something, 

- “ ...so much for a damn pocky.”

- All those other times you had caught the curse off guard were nothing compared to the “partially-confused partially-baffled” expression that he held on his face now. It almost made him look human. Almost.

- You didn’t realise just how long you were holding his gaze until Yuji took back control and apologized like a million times over, reassuring you that he would’ve never let you get hurt. 

- The curse didn’t show up for almost a week after that. And while you were grateful for not having to wash off your hands or face 14 times a day, you somehow felt anxious about its sudden disappearance. 

- All those worries were thrown out the window as he once again showed up while Yuji was passed out on the couch after a particularly tough session with Gojo sensei.

- Looking at the curse, you felt anger more than anything, how could he just drop out on you with no warning and then show up in the middle of your living room- ...wait a second, why the hell are you mad at a literal curse for not telling you he was taking a mental health break or whatever it was that he was doing? 

- While you sorted out through these conflicting thoughts in your mind, the curse seemed to be going through a similar crisis. 

- Having woken up in the brat’s fragile human body with no warning whatsoever, Sukuna wasn’t in the mood to see your face so soon again. He didn’t know why your physical presence unsettled him so much. All he knew was that he hated it. Even more now that he knew what you looked like all scared and small compared to his vessel’s towering build, and how you smelled even sweeter than what he had tasted, and how despite all that you still had the courage to stand up to someone as dangerous as him. Ugh, disgusting. 

- “The stupid brat passed out.”

- Such a simple statement caused you to snap your head up at him. But he didn’t wait for your reaction as he somehow managed to plop down on the couch while still looking graceful. Picking up the half eaten box of pocky, he warily pulled one out, eyeing it as if it was  a poisoned dagger before breaking off a piece and placing it on his tongue.

- “This is what you would risk your life for, brat?” 

- He turned his head slightly to look at you still frozen in place, staring at him with that doe eyed look that made his chest burn a little. Isn’t this what he wanted all along?

- “Are you simply going to stand there and gawk? I don’t bite-...well, not unless you ask me to.”

- He knew that would set you right back to your usual self,

 - “...maybe we do need to get a leash after all.”

- Sukuna internally grinned as he saw you move to the other side of the couch, ready to hear whatever more of the snarky comeback that you’d have (not that he was anticipating it, it was just the better alternative to being gaped at. Or so he told himself)

- “You ate the non chocolate covered part of the pocky by the way-”

- “As if a layer of this disgusting brown substance can make the rotten stick taste bette-”

- “Well aren’t sticks all you had to eat in yOuR TiME anyways?”- 

—-

- You somehow managed to fall asleep after the bickering, proceeding to sit in silence after you told him to not bother you while you tried to read. You wouldn’t admit it, but you were a little disappointed when he actually didn’t. Instead, he sat on the couch with a slight smirk still plastered on his face, continuing to simply gaze at you. your heart did lunges every time you slyly looked up from your book to take a peak at him. you wondered how many ways he had come up with to kill you so far. 

- On the other hand, the curse sat idly, watching you while his thoughts rumbled in his mind. Maybe killing you can be pushed off the agenda for now. There are much better ways to hurt the brat anyways aren't there? Perhaps he could use one of these brownish covered sticks to-...what is he thinking?

- He ultimately deems it stupid brat’s humane emotions and sheer stupidity that must be interfering with his thoughts.

- A loud sneeze snaps him out of his daze as he sees you slumped against a pillow, your book falling off your lap. And then he does something that he immediately decides that he would pretend to have not done for the rest of his existence. Luckily, the brat takes back control right after he does it anyways.

- But that thought slips his mind as he finds himself replaying the serene look on your face as he gently pulled the book out of your hands, and how his hands shook a little as you nuzzled your nose into the fabric of the blanket that he pulled over you. How could you have felt so calm around him?

[bengiyo]

180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us Ep 7 Stray Thoughts

I got a lot of food cooking today, so we're watching this while two things are simmering. Excited to see how In handles Sasiwimol's return after last week's reveals.

In almost looks like he exorcised something with how drained he looks.

Ah the first lie: Obscuring Wang's role in the leg injury.

Sangkam, like the nurse in Romeo and Juliet, is the one holding this entire operation together.

It's kinda uncomfortable to see Sasiwimol gloating about winning out over BL dramas in front of two queer men, particularly when I suspect she knows about both of them.

She scoffs at the suggestion of making her next project about a young man falling for his uncle. The awkwardness continues.

Sasiwimol is clearly concerned about what In could have revealed to Wang.

This framing on the couch is amazing. Sasiwimol is holding on to In's wrist, almost as if she's unconsciously restraining him. Wang is resting a finger on In's other hand and touching his leg against his. He's also on the side with the crutch. To me it looks like Wang wants to offer support, but cannot do so obviously by looking at In.

Well this conversation went about how I expected. Mol happy that Wang wants to study, then mad that it isn't a field she approves of at a location where she can observe Wang. Now confused and upset about his admission about his feelings for In.

Ah, there you are, my beloved architectural bars. Will you be able to shield In from Wang's admissions?

Oh ho! The bars have a new ally: the line of the window panels.

Wang pushes past the bars and demands In justify his determination to stay closeted. I love Wang's assertion that the world never belonged to the homophobes, and that he will not wait for them to die to live his life.

This is incredibly hard for In, because I don't know how he can sort his old feelings for Siam and his new feelings for Wang when there's so much overlap.

I also feel for Wang when In shuts down like this and just doesn't talk.

I was very invested in the completion of this bridge, but we still need to install guardrails.

It's interesting, that on many levels I can see Mol's read on the situation and that Wang has perhaps misplaced his desire for paternal love with In. It's possible she's right, but Wang is 20 and has a right to figure that out for himself. I'm feeling rather mixed at the moment, but generally am on the side of letting Wang determine the path of his love life.

Noteworthy that Mol never asks In for any perspective or what he wants. She just asserts that he must help her make Wang "normal" again, and that her life is full of disappointment. In must help keep her from losing her son. This is where she loses me, and it is not a surprise that she turns hostile to In when he doesn't show enthusiastic support.

I try not to be harsh against Sasiwimol, but I am deeply morally opposed to her inherently need to suppress and control all of the men in her life.

Though this dinner is awkward, I love this lightning effect. Feels very much like a stage production. Like it's supernatural in origin.

Okay, this fight is intense, and for once punctuated well by sound. In is correct that Wang should be a philosopher. He drew out of Sasiwimol what the major problem was immediately. He refuses to go somewhere with her until she confronts his truth, to which she responded that she does not care about his truth and will continue to enforce her worldview.

Oh my goodness, I need to know the tea about the night Siam drove away. Wang has clearly carried this for most of his life.

Wang asking the questions that define the core conflicts in play here, only for both In and Sasiwimol to run away.

Absolutely incredible work from everyone this episode.

[astrolovecosmos]

Neptune: Deep Dive

Pink petals

fallen onto

night shaded

waters.

Nothing is ever as it seems.

Wood turned to metal.

Reality turned to dreams.

-Natasha Reeves 

The planet Neptune I think is most famous for two things - illusions and dreamy or ethereal associations. A lot of negativity is also commonly associated such as addiction, insanity, guilt, sorrow, denial, and doubt. This planet is complex and just like all the other planets has a huge array of associations. What prompted me to do a deep dive in Neptune? Well for one I’ve been going through the transit of Neptune in Pisces crossing over my IC which has been powerful and I am at the end of my progressed Moon in the 12th House. Also in my own chart I’ve been paying more attention to my natal Neptune placements... which are a lot more prominent and worthy of my attention than I’ve understood and noticed in the past. Honestly I spend a lot more time analyzing others’ charts vs. my own, and I really should have looked more closely at some of my own aspects. I have had a LOT of experience with Pisces influences throughout my life, intense ones. I want to make it clear that Pisces DOES NOT = Neptune. I’ve always wanted to write a whole essay about my experience as a Pisces friend, lover, family member, enemy, etc. An outsiders opinion but that isn’t this. This is a disclaimer because this is going to be both theory and my own experiences. This is a deep dive. 

The Sea’s Love and Wrath 

Neptune in a lot of mainstream media is described as gentle but this planet can be unpredictable and harsh, with erratic energy that could rival Uranus. Neptune can be about tolerance and kindness, seeing past the ego and material. Neptune can embody or promote unconditional love and forgiveness. Because Neptune can be about dissolving and merging this planet allows us to see ourselves in others, maybe even in everyone allowing for compassion, empathy, and the ability to love very freely and openly. But the illusion and deception of Neptune is its shadow. 

Romanticizing and idealizing can be one of Neptune’s downfalls. Many times this is described as putting other’s on a pedestal but this can be applied to any area of life from work to places to ideals. From this those with strong Neptune aspects or prominent placements can find that disappointment is a frequent visitor. Neptune square, opposite, or conjunct Venus can quickly fall for others, trust others, and gravitates towards those they want to help or who have a strong personality they can meld with. Neptune opposite or square Mercury may face the frustration and disappointment of frequently being misunderstood or finding that they easily misread others or trust their words. After feeling tricked there can be wrath to these oceanic bodies. 

Where will their vengeance or anger land? It isn’t fair if they idolize you to get mad at you... sometimes their anger is self-loathing and self-destructive, other times they take you down with them. But the lesson is that Neptune can be as soft and as dangerous as the sea. 

Enlightenment and Madness

Coming down from the high, was getting lost in Neptune’s blue. Dreams and visions dancing in the back of my mind, when reality is so hard to chew. Sensation used to distract and pieces of stories stitched together to where nothing is fact.- Natasha Reeves 

There are many influences that can grant us wisdom or enlightenment throughout astrology, but I don’t see too many writings or posts about Neptune and its connection to enlightenment, nirvana, or eurekas and on the flipside also insanity and denial. Neptune can pull away the fog to give us clarity - especially when looking at the whole of things, the big picture. Neptune can famously also be the fog. 

The transit of Neptune crossing over my IC/4th House brought a lot of light to my childhood and how I was raised. However my IC is in Pisces, while Pisces isn’t the same as the planet, and many astrologers believe Neptune is not the ruling planet of Pisces - it is a sign known for illusions, confusion, and vagueness much like Neptune. I came from a place of a lot of secretiveness and vagueness, but when the “planet of illusions” crossed over I found myself accepting the instability and moments I felt lost or clueless in my life as well as looking back with remembering and understanding. 

Neptune can represent the part of us that is hard to grasp and understand, it also faces us with the idea that it is okay to have unanswered questions, to not have closure, that many times we have to create that closure or solidity ourselves. Neptune much like Jupiter is a matter of faith whether in ourselves or a higher power. 

It should be noted Neptune doesn’t always mean outside sources. Neptune is an introverted, intimate actor. It can represent how we lie to ourselves, trick ourselves, or how we push responsibility off of ourselves. Neptune also allows us to see, understand, more importantly feel what we easily ignore or can’t see. 

Life’s Extremes - Our Extremes 

“Neptune moves between the greatest extremes: from the highest spiritual awareness through imagination, fantasy, and illusion, to the depths of deceptions and disillusionment. The planet of mysticism, glamour, and enchantment, Neptune exerts a hypotonic fascination.” - Judy Hall. 

When many think of extremes they probably think Pluto before Neptune. The blue sphere isn’t going to take away the icy orb’s reputation - Pluto holds tightly in terms of extremes, but Neptune is far from a level-headed, consistent influence. Let’s touch on fantasy and illusion - two things that tends to warn of foolishness or impracticality, but fantasy is part of everyone’s life, no matter how pragmatic or mature an individual claims to be. From coping to manifesting to understanding to enjoying, fantasy is a natural human thing. Think of how often you daydream in an hour, how many books, movies, and games you indulge in, how often you find yourself being tempted by gossip, and how often you find yourself painting a picture of another in your head - negative or positive. 

Neptune symbolizes the abstract, importance, and rawness of our fantasies. Individuals with prominent Neptune aspects can find themselves easily tapping into their imagination, falling into escapism frequently, or have a great use for their wild ideas. If you think of the subject of fantasies or illusion as an extreme - it makes sense. You aren’t going to get an interesting story without the gods and monsters. Our sleeping dreams often are filled with strangeness or strong emotions. Clarity to madness, hopeless romantic highs to deeply wounded sorrows, and dissolving/surrendering to becoming whole/complete are common extremes this planet centers around. 

I have Mercury Square Neptune which tends to make one doubtful of their own opinions and intellect, can increase misunderstandings, and make communication difficult for the individual. Mercury Square Neptune can make someone highly persuasive and deceptive but it can also make one easily confused, tricked, and manipulated by others. Rationality and intuition can conflict. One experience I have with this aspect is usually swinging from extremes to being very withdrawn and quiet to interrupting others, chatting away. I’ve been described by those in my life as always saying something they didn’t expect - few words but impactful or strange ones. This is an example of the more everyday way Neptune can present itself.

“Neptune-attuned people possess glamour in the old sense of the word: the ability to bewitch. They are also impossible to categorize or pin down, demonstrating the planet’s elusive quality. Lacking strong boundaries, Neptune-attuned people are susceptible to outside influences.” - Judy Hall. It is from these lack of boundaries and fluidness we see Neptune’s extremeness. Neptune aspects can have us take on the traits of others and there is intensity in that. Let’s say we are talking about a Neptune to Mercury aspect, here may be someone who is easily energized or put down by the mood of another. Neptune to Mars can create a volatile person who fights, guards, and pursues based on their inner circle. 

Alice: Imagination and Dreams 

Personally I tend to associate Alice in Wonderland with Gemini themes. But I’ve seen her used as a metaphor for many placements and influences, such as Scorpio and Pluto. Neptune’s lostness certainly relates to the character and story. Neptune can be the planet of dreams. Challenging aspects to Saturn indicates someone who struggles to get in touch with reality while easy aspects to Saturn indicates someone who can marry big dreams or imagination to practicality. 

Neptune to Moon aspects can indicate powerful dreaming - almost intuitive or helpful in processing stress or trauma. So does Neptune in the 12th, 4th, 8th, and possibly 9th. Neptune in the 2nd can mean imagination or even dreams themselves act as a resource, maybe this is through inspiration or increasing one’s belief or confidence. Neptune in the 3rd may find themselves always remembering their dreams and keeping a journal. Neptune in the 5th blessed with all of the fun dreams of flying or dreaming of a favorite fictional character. Neptune in the 6th or 10th may find strikes of inspiration, knowledge, problem solving, or important foresight in their sleep. Neptune in the 11th may find comfort or realize important information about self and/or society in their dreams. 

Neptune is a newer planet, many times called the visionary, healer, or spiritual link or messenger. Traditional astrologers can approach the planet with a lot of skepticism. Its exaltation is in creative Leo, detriment in practical Virgo, and fall in usually praised as “visionary” Aquarius. Neptune is still new enough to be a hot topic of debate. You will find many astrologers don’t even agree on the planet’s exaltation, fall, and detriment. Leo is considered one of the most creative sign and on the topic of imagination and dreams Neptune can feel amazing in this sign. It feels confident and shinning in its ideas, fantasies, and magic. Elusive and ever-changing Neptune doesn’t feel comfortable in stable and structured Virgo. But Aquarius is an unexpected challenge for Neptune. Aquarius is about collective action - unity that Neptune also is familiar with. But Aquarius is a cold sign and despite its unconventional side can be highly practical and may dislike unrealistic ideas or approaches. Saturn is Aquarius’s co-ruler after all. Neptune wants oneness as in intimacy, not oneness in action or rebellion like Aquarius. Neptune is the magical moonlit spring to heal all your wounds, especially the emotional and spiritual kind. Aquarius is the soul forge in Asgard from Thor: The Dark World or the hypospray in Star Trek. Aquarius is modern medicine most of the time and when Neptune is dressed in Aquarius’s colors at its best it is advanced medicine we don’t understand yet but are working towards. Neptune in Aquarius can be a genius, but it is about ambitious realism to help others, Neptune at its heart is about helping the individual on the most personal level. Aquarius is random strikes of lightning coming from an active mind while Neptune flows from one spot to another, always connected and coming from an original primal, emotional place. Aquarius is the future, Neptune is outside of time. Aquarius is intellect and Neptune emotions and intuition. Aquarius is rebellion, riot, revolution, Neptune is peace or death and rebirth - Aquarius is the noise and Neptune the silence. 

Some believe Neptune’s fall is in Capricorn, which the struggles exist with Capricorn’s strictness and clinging to reality and control. Neptune in Leo is Alice looking regal like a queen or warrior going to fight the jabberwock, Neptune in Virgo can get dark, feeling uncomfortable and maybe in pain, but still important and empowering. Alice in Aquarius or Capricorn is likely a totally new story, adult Alice putting away the tea parties and white rabbits for a lab coat or pantsuit. 

What about Healing and the Spiritual? 

Let’s get to what Neptune may be most known for. That otherworldly connection, the power of love, transcendence. Neptune is dramatic and it is soothing. Neptune embraces all aspects of the human experience so we can focus more on the soul. Neptune is all about healing and how healing can come in a million ways. It can be fast and hard or slow and revealing. It is painful and messy, it goes in cycles, loops, falls and rises. 

Neptune whether the aspects are easy or challenging, whether in a house focused on the self or others, it gives everyone ways to heal and to connect. As an outer planet it gives a lot of insight into generations but in the unique placement of one’s chart it touches us with humanity. 

Pretty speeches, enchanting metaphors, crazy nights, and charming lovers lead us to our doom and a raw poem, crying ourselves to sleep, old medicine, late night graveyard walks, and maybe a rebound help us pick up the pieces. Neptune many times shows us that the unexpected is what tears us down and what lifts us back up. It teaches us nothing is inherently bad like substances, manipulation, honesty, authority, it is how it is used. Neptune shows us that you are the hero to some and the villain to others. 

Regret, shame, guilt, feeling trapped, isolation, addiction, grief, and sorrow are closely linked to Neptune. I believe many times this is due to the healing process or spiritual associations of the planet. These emotions are heavy and life-changing but they are emotions that many times need to be faced with a lot of bravery and work. They are feelings that also help us come to realizations. Neptune is associated with rebirth and if you examine emotions like regret or shame, sometimes rebirth is the only way you can shed those feelings. Neptune’s fluid nature also allows us acceptance, which is needed to deal with such heavy emotions. 

While we always talk about the lack of boundaries as a dangerous or bad thing... and it can be, these lack of boundaries like I mentioned above can allow for a very giving love and empathy, it also allows us to feel or interact with a higher power, magic, and the spiritual. Whatever your beat is - religion, magic, or the belief we are just star stuff, Neptune symbolizes our relationship with it.