#as long as he doesn't actually have to challenge any of the institutions of power that make life materially harder for queer ppl

[dubiousculturalartifact]

and okay, not to psychoanalyze the guy too hard but

when you know his publicly stated opinion on the LDS church is 'okay so they hate gay people (and have a lot of other problems, but I won't acknowledge those) but i trust in the faith leaders and I think if I stay in the church & keep giving them support and a bunch of money, I can influence them from within to be better uwu'

then yeah it certainly uhhh says some stuff

It really is interesting to me how when Sanderson takes over writing the Wheel of Time books from Jordan, certain nuanced and complex plot themes turn from "these are systemic issues that need systemic solutions and revolutionary change" into "these are just a few individual bad people, the system will be just fine when the right people are running it". Just for example:

Whitecloaks and Galad: Jordan was trying to make a nuanced point here about how the Whitecloaks serve the Light, yet some do deeds as heinous as any Darkfriend does, in their zealous devotion to the Light, not to mention this is an extremely thinly veiled allegory to religious extremism. Under Sanderson, this turns from a systemic issue where the very core of the organization is flawed, and needs to be revamped from the root up, to "they just had a bad leader and Galad will now set them on the right path". Because confronting religious extremism as an institutionally ingrained problem, rather than as just individual bad people, is just too nuanced and scary a concept, I guess.

Weiramon and Anaiyella: Under Jordan, Weiramon and Anaiyella are stupid simpering nobles, who have no regard for the poverty-stricken lives of the peasants under their yoke. The whole point of them and (most of the) other Tairen and Cairhienin nobles is that they aren't Darkfriends, but are evil and callous anyways, because they're noble and don't have to deal with the consequences of their actions. Under Sanderson? They're now Darkfriends. Because that's the only reason they could be evil, right? It's not that there's systemic inequality between the nobility and the peasants in Tear, in Cairhien, in every city in the Westlands, and that the nobles can be genuinely evil in how they treat people under them, without needing to be Darkfriends at all. No, now it's just individual people like Weiramon and Anaiyella who are Darkfriends and therefore evil. This way, we don't need to confront the very mundane non-Dark evil of monarchies/nobility, and what that says about all the main characters who end up rulers of various countries.

Egwene and Siuan dying, and Cadsuane becoming Amyrlin: It's very interesting to me that Egwene and Siuan are the only two primary/secondary protagonists who weren't supposed to die in Jordan's original outline, but who were killed off under Sanderson's tenure. It makes perfect sense to me, though. Egwene is a revolutionary and visionary Amyrlin, who breaks down a lot of the ironclad "rules" that the Tower has stood by for millenia. If she were allowed to actually live on, she would have enacted revolutionary changes to how the Tower functions, that would have completely transformed it as an organization (and pretty obviously made it more inclusive and more helpful to the world at large). Siuan, meanwhile, stands as a reminder of the rot at the very core of the White Tower, of the women the Tower leaves behind when they've outlived their usefulness (women like her who're unjustly stilled, women who're burned out, women who're cast out because they're too weak after uprooting their whole life to study at the Tower, etc). Again, just like Egwene, Siuan is a reminder of the NEED for a revolutionary transformation in how the Tower functions. Ergo, she needs to be killed off too. Who, then, will lead the Tower? Why, Cadsuane of course. Cadsuane, the oldest of the old guard, a woman who benefited in every possible way from all the old rules of the Tower that Egwene sought to revolutionize, a woman who has no concept or imperative to enact any sort of meaningful change in the Tower, because the old way the Tower functioned benefited her in every way possible. Again, the need and the pathway for systemic change is neatly pruned out, instead turning into "Cadsuane will be a better leader than Elaida" when the whole point of the Egwene vs Elaida arc is that what was really at war was not Egwene and Elaida, but the old way of doing things vs a new revolutionary way of doing things.

Gawyn: Gawyn has always been a critique of toxic masculinity, but under Jordan, this is very much framed as a systemic issue which demands a transformative change in the gendered roles of the Westlands. When Gawyn was an infant, Gareth Bryne makes him swear over Elayne's crib to protect her with his life. Even his title is First Prince of the Sword - an object, a tool, a weapon, rather than a person. He's told by even the father figures in his life that his only value is in being the Most Manly Man Ever and dying for Elayne. He's an annoying motherfucker, but under Jordan I understand the underlying systemic issue that makes him so fucking annoying, and how it REQUIRES a transformation in how the Westlands defines and views gender and the roles required of people of different genders. Under Sanderson? Gawyn's problem now is that he thinks he ought to be the Most Special Boy ever and is pissed that it's Rand instead. Again, the issue turns from a systemic issue with gender roles that requires a systemic transformative solution, into "Gawyn is just individually an entitled asshole and wannabe chosen one, and this is in no way a reflection on the gendered culture that molded him, so don't think too hard about that."

It's just… very interesting, how every running theme is transformed/simplified in exactly the same way when transitioning from the Jordan books to the Sanderson books. When Jordan wrote that the Dragon would Break the world, he very much meant that the Dragon would also break the oppressive institutions of nobility, of religious extremism, gender roles, etc. Under Sanderson, this turns into "the nobility is not the problem, it's just that the right noble needs to be in power", and "gendered roles aren't the problem, it's individual assholes that are the problem". And so on.

[gorbalsvampire]

I don't know about Riley! Tell me about Riley? Tell me 12 and 28 about Riley, please?

And 18 for Sorcha and Penny.

And, if I can have just one more, 45 for Alistair, please?

I imagine you vibrating in place as you ask these, just so you know.

Riley has... secrets, and at least one player from their game reads this, so I'm going to have to be a little evasive. I'm experimenting with closed information. It's... challenging. This is why I don't talk about Riley as much!

Dossier: Riley Halahan 12. What happened that lead up to their Embrace?

Oh, gosh. Well. That's a loaded question. The bit Riley admits to is being sent down from Trinity College Dublin, due to some impropriety involving gentlemen of the day, ladies of the night, and generally causing the faculty to regret admitting Catholics to their noble institution. The bit Riley does not admit to... comes before their admission, and has something to do with a suicide, a scandal, and why Riley didn't return home after their expulsion.

In any case, the actual Embrace is almost an afterthought: Riley describes it as a deal with a devil who didn't care to collect.

28. Where do they live now as a Kindred?

This is actually subject to change, hee hee. Currently, Riley lives in a grotty rented room in Lambeth, attends their club on the never-never, and has their tailoring done on their coteriemate's husband's credit. It's all part of an elaborate scheme: or maybe Riley just wants to mess with him.

I say currently because sooner or later, Madame Carcass - the Nosferatu crime boss of Whitechapel, and open Bahari, who seems to have taken a shine to Riley's "agent of chaos" tendencies - will find out that Riley lives like this, and I'm sure at that point, things will be... different. A move to the East End may be on the cards.

Query: Thinbloods?

Sorcha is generally pro - after all, she is one. Her upbringing (and grooming) prepared her for being a full fat Hecata, and she has a bit of a complex about being of thin blood but also not being of no blood, if that makes sense? She is a big believer in the solidarity-and-support preached by her soul sisters Hazel and Beetlejuice - Duskborn got Duskborn 'cause no-one else has - but she will challenge "reject your bloodline" thinking - screw that, if you've got power, take it, then learn alchemy as well. You have a birthright, and coming out thinblooded shouldn't shut you out of it. You, definitely. She's not projecting at all. Get tae fock.

Penny. Penelope. Pen-Pen. Hm. Her Blood is thick enough that they feel a little like a snack pack to her, but she doesn't believe in exterminating them. It's an odd, cold act of pragmatic compassion on her part. They are the harbingers of Gehenna, but it might not be their fault, and killing them all may turn out to be a very bad idea in the long run. Something in her also responds to the poetry of sun and shadow, incendiary light and smothering darkness, and perhaps I'm considering a pack of sunfuckers as being among her associates for... future purposes.

45. What are Alistair's Disciplines?

Alistair has displayed basic familiarity with Oblivion (he knows where the bodies are buried, i.e. they aren't), a more sophisticated grasp of Auspex (he has very strong hunches, and reliably predicts the deaths of others), and a favour for Fortitude (among other things, bottled "dad blood" is a part of Sorcha's bug-out bag, and helped her develop her signature formula, Overclock).

He also has vestigial Obfuscate (he can move absolutely silently, to the point where it feels like he's coming out of the goddamn walls) and may or may not have Dominate. It's unclear whether "you've nae seen me, a'right?" is a memory alteration, or a threat, but it gets results either way. Likewise, one look into his eyes and numerous Kindred do what they're told, but that might be 'cause Sorcha's a cheesebrain and everyone else is scared of him.

[sokkastyles]

Remember that long post that caused a bunch of discourse a while ago? I found this tantalizing reblog which I'm not sure if you might have seen because they might have blocked you, or you might have blocked them. It's a response to this addition by OP btw. It's one of the more prolific stans too. If you're looking for bad takes, you'd love this.

The first paragraph is about the claim that Azula was abused in the asylum because Gene Yang said so, even though he didn't say that at all. What he said was "we'll see what a year in a fire nation asylum does to her" which could mean absolutely anything. Add on to that the general public's view of mental health institutions as awful places little better than prisons that you put people in to forget about them, plus the fact that Azula doesn't want to be there and is angry about losing her freedom and doubly angry about the idea that she needs help from anyone, and it's very obvious why he said that. This idea that Gene Yang said that as a confirmation of abuse happening in the asylum is bizarre, especially when it's combined with the insistence that Yang thinks Azula being abused is a good thing. Do these people think he was like, cackling evilly and steepling his fingers like Mr. Burns while he said that?

But even if Yang did say that Azula was abused in the asylum, what OP says is still true. If the author says something that contradicts what is actually shown in the text, then interpreting the text based on what is presented is valid. Nothing Yang said did contradict what is shown, though, because we do see that Azula is worse for the wear in the asylum. But that's because she's been stewing in her rage for a year after being defeated, driving away all her friends and allies, losing all of her political power and strength, and being haunted by hallucinations that no one knows about, because she doesn't tell them. These hallucinations are also manifestations of her own guilt. She did harmful things and is paying the price for it. It would be very out of character if we saw her happy in the asylum when her brother who she thinks is beneath her and is now firelord comes to visit her. Just like we don't expect Ozai to be happy and doing well in prison. Is Ozai being abused as well? Because I will remind everyone reading this that abuse does not have to do with how much sympathy you have for the victims or what they deserve, it has to do with someone who is in a position of power taking advantage of someone they have power over. Azula having to be restrained to protect those around her is not abuse, just as Ozai being imprisoned to protect those around him is not abuse. If Zuko were to, like, have Ozai tortured while in prison, that would be abuse. Or if Azula were forced to be in a straight jacket 24/7, but we don't see that happening or have any evidence that it happened.

Lol at "the difference between abuse and toxicity." The difference is that people on tumblr think "toxicity" is a buzzword to pull out to excuse abusers because it's not a term with a specific definition the way abuse is and can be applied to a wide number of situations to make it look like the victims of abuse are equally at fault.

And actually, the atla wiki says that agni kais actually were not as brutal before Sozin's reign, and traditionally were supposed to be a last resort to settle a dispute. And Azula does not slightly smirk, she smiles and holds up her fist in triumph. Also lol @ this person telling OP they don't understand abusive dynamics and then trying to argue that Zuko's agni kai with Ozai was just tradition, when even according to the tradition, it was very obviously an abuse of power on Ozai's part. The wiki also says that traditionally, the firelord was not often challenged, because he is among the most powerful firebenders. For the firelord to trick his son into fighting against him is most certainly abuse, especially given the already existing dynamic of emotional abuse. And the cover of "tradition" adds to the abusiveness of it, because abusers know how to make their behavior look socially acceptable and will often use tradition as an excuse. Why do you think Ozai never raised a hand against Zuko before it was in a socially sanctioned duel? Ozai used the agni kai because he knew he could get away with it.

Azula was smiling and holding her fist up in triumph at seeing her father abuse her brother. It doesn't make Azula evil, but it is part of a pattern of her joining in on Ozai's abuse of her brother and using the fact that she had Ozai's favor and he did not against him, and that she enjoyed this dynamic. These are inferences, yes, but they are inferences drawn from what is explicitly shown in the text, and part of a whole, and consistent with everything else we see about Azula's character and her dynamic with Zuko and Ozai.

I would not say Mai "cheerily" went with Azula. Part of her motivation was boredom, but Azula still chose to threaten her baby brother to make sure she had Mai's loyalty, and Mai clearly did not like being ordered around by Azula and there's a clear power dynamic there that is being taken advantage of by Azula. Just like there is a clear power dynamic between Azula and Zuko, and Zuko preventing Azula from harming him and others does not make her his victim. Plus the fact that Azula abused Zuko and had power over him throughout most of their childhood, and mutual abuse doesn't exist and is an invention of abusers to try and shift blame.

It's also just really laughable that this person then goes on a tirade about holding characters "accountable" that already stopped being villains, then insists that the OP really just wants Azula to suffer, even though they said nothing about her suffering. They don't seem to understand that this is not about who needs to be punished for their actions, it is about how Azula is not and never has been sorry for her actions and continues to do harm to others, and that calling other characters abusive for defending themselves from her is disgusting.

The final plea to "let Azula move on with her life" is also hilarious. As if the OP who said that Zuko did not abuse Azula is somehow preventing the very fictional Azula from "moving on." Azula can't move on because she is a villain and continues to be one.

Also, that person could not be civil to begin with. I've only ever seen them in the context of incoherent rage rants on other people's posts about how Zuko is the real abuser, actually.

[casspurrjoybell-29]

Enduring Ties - Chapter 5 - Part 2

*Warning Adult Content*

This military camp was far larger than the old one and full of a fresh set of leering faces and suggestive comments aimed in Cailan's direction.

They didn't bother Cailan terribly much anymore.

He knew he was safe with his master at his side and there was nothing new in the things they said.

It infuriated Liam, however.

He knew better than to challenge anyone in a brand new place where he knew so few people but by the time the four of them made it to their new tent his teeth were clenched and he was squeezing Cailan's hand hard enough that it hurt.

Liam took a deep breath in, let it out, then looked down at their joined hands and released his grip.

"Sorry, love. Did I hurt you?"

Cailan shook his head and stroked the back of Liam's hand.

"I'm sorry they upset you."

"You're sorry? No, I'm sorry those filthy animals talk to you like you're a common whore. They have no class. They don't understand what you are or how you should be treated."

"Don't think they really care," Tris commented as he tossed his bags down on the floor of the tent.

"I don't either, actually but I'm pretty polite to whores too."

Liam let out a long sigh.

"You know, sometimes I hate it here but then I think back to how my family treated him, how my school friends did when I let them near him and I realise the only difference is that the language they used was less crude. They were no kinder to him."

"Yeah, I mean, that is kind of the thing with being a slave, right? Doesn't get you a whole lot of respect."

"Can you not have power over someone without being cruel to them?"

"I guess but if what you want and what someone else wants are the same thing or if they're not but you're not gonna do anything about it, what do you need power over them for? Power's for making people do what you want instead of what they want, right?"

"I suppose you could describe it that way but it doesn't have to be an awful thing. We're all part of power structures, whether in our work or in our personal relationships. They can be caring and mutually beneficial."

"Listen, I'm not trying to make any statement on your personal relationship with your slave. I don't know anything about any of that. All I'm saying is once you scale it up to the whole thing, to the institution of slavery, things are gonna get ugly because the whole point is not giving them a choice in things because if you did they wouldn't wanna be your property."

"I do," Cailan said.

He didn't normally intrude on Liam's conversations but Liam was starting to look upset.

"I want Liam to be my master. I want to serve him."

"Huh, okay," Tris said. "I'm glad you're doing what you want to be doing."

Liam's eyebrows lifted.

"What, no lecture about how he's been brainwashed into it?"

"I mean that seems like a thing that could be true but I don't know shit about shit so what am I actually gonna say? And what would the point be? He's still gonna be a slave. If he's happy, well... good. I'm glad."

"Well, I appreciate..." Liam started to say but he was interrupted by the sound of someone smacking the side of the tent near the flap.

That was the equivalent of knocking on a door in these places.

Without waiting for a response, a man with curly dark brown hair stuck his head through the flap.

"Ah. You're here. Hello."

"Hamish," Tris said as the man entered the tent.

"Liam, this is Hamish, the man who made this all possible."

"Oh, Hamish," Liam said. "It's nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you."

"People do tend to have a lot to say about me."

Hamish's attention narrowed in on Cailan and his head tilted ever so slightly to the side.

"Wow, you do look like you were expensive. Is your hair real gold?"

"No, sir, just hair," Cailan murmured.

Liam's wrapped his arm around Cailan's waist.

"I can give you a few strands from his brush if you're curious but I do ask that nobody but myself touches him. I hope that was communicated clearly and that we have an understanding."

"Relax. About the only thing that turns me off is timidity. And women, I suppose."

Hamish thought for a moment.

"No, actually, women are fine, they just don't turn me on. An important distinction under the right circumstances."

"Well, I... yes," Liam said. "What about everyone else? I'm told it should be safe to leave Cailan alone in the tent here."

"He'll be fine," Hamish assured him. "We have a bit of a community here and as a community we have a bit of a reputation. Of having sex with one another. That's our reputation. Which is an issue because it's technically illegal, and more importantly icky, at least in some people's eyes. Anyway, the point is that none of us would be all that safe alone but we have our tents together here and we keep an eye on one another and nobody bothers us all that much."

"Thank you, I appreciate it," Liam said. "There was a tent where slaves could be left during the day at our old camp but I really dislike leaving Cailan with other slaves."

"Why? Isn't it good for him to be able to make slave friends?"

"See, I thought so too but they're mostly poorly trained children who are treated quite cruelly by their masters. It's not a healthy environment for him. It was a situation there that prompted me to make this move, in fact. A man came into the tent while Cailan was there,and while he only touched his own slave he did it in front of the others. In front of Cailan. I don't want Cailan exposed to that sort of thing."

"That's fair," Hamish said. "I wouldn't like to see that either."

Cailan bit down on the inside of his cheek to suppress a frown.

Liam had been upset about that situation when Cailan had told him about it but he hadn't brought it up since.

Certainly not in relation to this move.

He had been excited for the promotion and had talked about getting to see Cailan more but nothing else.

Liam pressed a kiss on the side of Cailan's forehead and murmured...

"I know."

"Hmm?" Hamish asked.

"Oh, I didn't tell him that was what motivated all of this," Liam explained. "It makes him feel guilty when I prioritise his needs but on balance I think it's more important that he understands that I will."

Cailan ducked his head.

He hadn't told Liam about that incident expecting him to do anything about it or even with the intention of seeking sympathy.

It had simply been something Cailan thought Liam ought to be aware of.

In retrospect, he wasn't at all surprised that Liam hadn't forgotten about it as quickly as he had pretended.

As upside down as it seemed, Liam did prioritise Cailan's needs.

"Well, seems like everything is fine hare," Hamish said. "Welcome to the camp, hope you enjoy your time here, stay away from Simon he hates you on principle and if you need anything don't hesitate to come and see me."

"Uh..." Liam started to say but Hamish had already left. "Well, he's... interesting."

"You'll like him once you get to know him," Tris said. "Everyone likes Hamish."

"Oh, no, I think I already like him but he is strange."

"And he was looking at the two of you like he'd never seen anything like you before, so what does that make you?"

"Sometimes when things are mostly not very good, being strange is necessary," Liam said.

"Come on, Cailan. Let's see if we can find something to put those flowers of yours in before they wilt any more."

[afoxysunny]

So here's my Kuro Shinigamis x Miraculous Ladybug Au

I actually have a lot to say about this but imma just keep it short and snappy

The shinigami corp is now a superhero corp, training and dispatching miravulous holders instead of reapers. Depending on how good you did in training you'll get a stronger miraculous. Undertaker, the once in a generation prodigy, got the black cat but eventually grew bored of the monotonous work and deserted, taking the Miraculous with him. Only with Grell, next generation prodigy, they finally got another on his level and she earned the Ladybug. Dispatched to find and catch the stray cat her loyalty to the institute is challenged by Undertaker not only understanding her struggled but also being hot.

Yes, i ship it and you just gotta deal

I unfortunately don't have names for their gero personas. I think Undertaker can stay Undertaker bc graveyard cat? But idk

References and more info dumping under the cut

Just mishmashed these iconic poses together for the cat boy

I just had to shorten his coat and hair and boom, perfect outfit for him. The locket chain turns into little bells bc who needs to be stealthy. Bc he doesn't wear glasses his mask covers his mouth and i made it follow his scar bc i thought that'd be cool. Yes he has actual cat ears. With his super long nails included under his suit his hands don't look human and i love that for him

Kept Grell's silhouette for her outfit bc she's too iconic not to. Also her hair is shorter to see any of the design. Butler Grell is here bc i took the wispy hair from that design to stand in for bug like antenna. Yes she still has shark teeth i will rather die than take those away from her. Her mask is kinda in the shaoe of her glasses with two spots overstepping the shape to stand in for her cool skull beaded chain to hold said glasses. She has black eyes now, i swear i can explain . Instead of the chain she has at her hips that's where she parks her jojo weapon now

A pic of the show miraculous ladybug for all who need it

Translating my two fav reapers into ladybug and cat noir was so much easier than i thought bc it basically writes itself! Picture Undertaker swinging his baton real fast and with green action lines it looks like a scythe now, and the jojo in the show mostly spins for attacks anyways so that makes instant chainsaw vibe. And the summary up top you already read but can't you just imagine in their first confrontation like in black butler in book of the atlantic where Grell was confused about not cutting throigh Undertaker's weapon and he not so subtly tells her there's one thing a death scythe can't cut through? It can literally be the same conversation with the Miraculous Weapons!

Shinigamis in BB all have green eyes bc they're shinigamis but now they're superheroes so their eyes change colour to suit their miraculous if they're good enough. I also want the miraculous symbol to show up in their eye when they use their super power that's why both have an extra eye sketvhed next to them

I could go on forever, thanks for reading, if you wanna hear more I'm begging you to ask

[euphoricdumpsterfire]

It Was Enchanting To Meet You (Edmund Pevensie x Mutant!FemReader)

Chapter IV: Bows and Chess

Summary: Y/N joins Edmund as he practices fencing and shooting with a bow and arrow. It all ends with a game of chess, and old lullabies

Masterlist

Word Count: 1490

Warnings: A tiny bit of angst, but it's just all fluff

A/N: Next chapter will be out tomorrow!

It was the next day, Peter had already set on a journey to gather more troops before the sun had risen. Susan left early morning as she had gotten a last minute invitation for a meeting with the neighboring kingdom about trading goods. That left Edmund, Lucy and Y/N at the castle. As Y/N stared at the ceiling of her chamber as she lay on her canopy bed, an idea popped up in her head and she immediately got up and ran through the hallways in search of Lucy.

She passed by the library whose door was ajar, however she walked back and noticed Lucy was in there. Y/N knocked and heard Lucy say “Come in!” and so she did. She cleared her throat and dusted off her skirt,

“Hey Lucy, you wanna go to the fields and just hang around?” Y/N asked,

“Oh, I’m so sorry Y/N... There’s been some mishap in the village bakery and I thought I should go there and help out.” Lucy said as she packed up her bag, “But you can join Edmund, he’s actually practicing fencing right now.” Y/N blushed the moment she had heard his name and Lucy noticed but she didn’t bother teasing her as she was running late for her errands,

“Anyways, have fun! I’ll see you at supper!” Lucy waved goodbye and left. Y/N walked around the library and looked through the window. She could see Edmund fencing with a centaur. Her lips formed a smile at the sight of him. Eventually, she got up and took a deep breath as she decided to walk down there and join the young king.

Once she had made it to the small hill where they were fencing, Edmund looked over to wave at her and she waved back, he couldn't stop looking at her giving the centaur more advantage. With a flick of the sword Edmund lost his balance and fell off his horse. "It seems like we finally found out the king's weakness." the horse spoke and the centaur laughed.

Y/N ran towards Edmund and helped him get up, "I'm sorry for bothering you, I'll just go back inside-"

"No, it's alright you can stay." Edmund reassured her,

"Perhaps you can join the king to practice archery." The centaur suggested,

"That sounds fun, but I don't really know how to use one..." Y/N said as she laughed nervously,

"You'll be fine, Oreius and I will teach you!" Edmund said encouragingly,

"Actually sire, I have some other errands to attend. It'll only just be the two of you." The centaur replied with a smirk, Edmund didn't quite catch on to his scheme and shrugged it off.

"Very well then, take Philip with you and I'll take Y/N to the shooting range." Edmund said. They parted ways as Edmund and Y/N headed to the shooting range carrying the bags that contained two bows and a bunch of arrows. Once handed a bow, Y/N grabbed an arrow and tried to aim at a target

“I don’t really get the hang of this...” Y/N said as she struggled to get a grip on the bow,

“Here, let me help.” Edmund said as he stood behind Y/N and placed his hands over hers to guide her. “Now you just aim it at the target,” his breath hit the back of Y/N’s neck bringing chills down her spine. “Then let go.” Y/N let go of the string as he instructed as her eyes followed the arrow until it hit the target right in the center.

Y/N looked back at Edmund who was still at close proximity, their faces inches away. He couldn’t help but smile at her joyful grin, and it was that moment where he had fully seen Y/N’s face and realized how incredibly beautiful she was. After a long moment of them staring at each other, both secretly admiring each other's faces, they looked away and laughed it off as they spent a few hours conversing as they practiced archery.

- - - -

Once the sun was about to set, Edmund and Y/N packed up their stuff and stayed for a bit to enjoy the sunset. "It's pretty to look at from this view doesn't it?" Y/N said looking at the horizon that was in shades of orange, yellow, purple and blue.

Edmund turned his head to look at her, "It is." he replied with a small smile.

It was already dark when they were heading back into the castle when Y/N said, “Lucy mentioned you have a gold chess set.”

"I do but I only play it with those who are at the same level as me." Edmund replied with a smirk, "If you prove yourself to be a good chess player, I might consider taking it out of its display case and play a game with you." he said in a very challenging but joking manner.

"Oh no thank you," Y/N chuckled, "I suck at chess."

"Have you ever played it before?" he asked,

"I have, with my professor. He always wins and he tells me that I'm just not trying hard enough." she replied, her smile fading with the thought of a worried professor X.

"Well, he seems like he's very encouraging..."

"He is. He's become my parental figure ever since my parents left me." Y/N sighed,

"You were an orphan?" Edmund asked carefully trying not to be invasive,

"Not necessarily... Well I mean I guess. When I got my powers, they acted like I'm some kind of monster," Y/N said with a crestfallen look, "They heard about Xavier's Institute for Gifted Youngsters and told me that I'd be attending the school. When I tried visiting them one weekend, the house was empty and the neighbors told me that they had moved away without leaving a word." She wiped a single tear on the corner of her eye and suppressed any lingering sadness that might burst out any minute.

"I'm very sorry to hear that Y/N. I don't think any words will express how deeply sorry I feel." Edmund said as he looked at Y/N with a sympathetic expression though his gut feeling is telling him to give her a huge comforting hug, or anything that will take her sadness away.

"It's alright, I'm over it." Y/N said trying to make light of the situation, "Anyways, you still up for a game of chess?" She asked,

"Of course." Edmund answered.

They dropped off the bows and arrows in the weapon room and headed to the library. Edmund brought out a wooden chess set and they started playing right away. They enjoyed each other's company as they talked for hours on end, almost forgetting that they were playing a game. The door creaked, catching their attention, they turned their heads and saw Lucy who had come back from her errands.

"You two seem like you're having lots of fun!" She said as she approached the two,

"So far she's winning." Edmund said,

"That's because you're not even trying! You're just letting me win!" Y/N replied.

Eventually a castle staff entered the library and had informed them that supper was ready. They headed to the dining room as they ate good food and talked some more. They had chocolate pudding for dessert and they all enjoyed it. After the whole meal, tiredness got the best of them and they all called it a night. Y/N sat in front of her vanity table humming a lullaby from her childhood as she brushed her hair.

She continued humming until she heard a different voice humming the same tune, she stopped and put down her brush and looked around to see if there was anything suspicious. She concluded that maybe it was just here and stood up from the vanity to make her way to her bed until there came a knock on the door. Scared that it might be the same woman humming with her, she hesitantly turned the knob and opened the door. To her surprise it was actually Edmund. "Edmund! Hey.” She said, sighing in relief.

“Are you alright?” Edmund asked worryingly seeing the way she reacted,

“Yeah, I’m totally fine… Anyways, what brings you here?” She asked,

“Oh, I uh… I just wanted to check up on you.” His face turned red as he spoke.

“Oh. Well-uh. Thanks… for that.” Y/N awkwardly said, her face turning red as well,

“Very well then. Have a goodnight!” Edmund said,

“Goodnight.” Y/N replied with a smile. The young man scurried off to the hallways making Y/N chuckle as she closed the door. The slight terror she felt earlier was now washed away all thanks to Edmund. She climbed up to her bed and wrapped herself in her blanket as she drifted off to a peaceful sleep.

[fursasaida]

this is totes random sorry pls feel free to ignore but is there a 'STATE' that's completely independent from like elected government, heads of state, partisan politics etc.. like what's this state that some ppl talk abt that doesn't include the elected president? e.g."korea and france have greater deference to state." is there polisci literature/concept on this? what is this STATE that doesn't include the president or CDC head nominated by said president? im sorry im just so ignorant of polisci

This is not at all an ignorant question! This is a huge issue people argue about--maybe less in poli sci than in other social sciences, because poli sci has gone so completely up its own quantitative ass that it has abandoned what should be its obvious theoretical domain and so other disciplines have kind of taken over this kind of question. There are full professors who cannot answer this question (I know because some of them are on my listservs).

So: what is the state. Seriously, really, there is no one widely accepted answer to this. So I’ll go through a few of them under the cut for you. This ended up being really long because it’s something I’ve been thinking about lately, so the simplest, shortest answer to your question is the first one.

1. Institutions

In this view, “the state” means the institutions and bureaucracy that stay on when political leadership changes. The political leadership is called either “the regime” when we want to imply it’s evil or “the administration” or “the government” when we don’t. (I think this terminology is silly and “the regime” should mean the whole arrangement plus some other things--as in a regime of power--without negative or positive implications, but I don’t make the rules.)

Obviously these two things are not firewalled apart. Elected officials can alter the state through policy and/or direct reforms (creating, merging, or eliminating existing state organizations), and the existing state can constrain what elected officials can do through anything from ethics laws to bureaucratic foot-dragging. (In the US context, when we talk about “political appointees,” we mean high-level officials in “the state” that get appointed by elected leaders, but they take over organizations generally staffed by people who have come up through the bureaucracy and are supposed to be “apolitical,” i.e. just there to do a technical/bureaucratic job. So that’s another way that the two blur.) A great example of this would be what happened with the US’s Syria policy under Trump. Trump (”the administration”) wanted to pull out of Syria. The Pentagon, The State Department, various diplomatic branches, etc. (”the state”) did not. The state succeeded in putting him off executing his desired policy for years, even though as the Commander In Chief Trump in theory had really extensive authority to do whatever he wanted. Eventually he exercised that authority and state officials found themselves scrambling madly to try and salvage something of their preferred policy, which is how the US military ended up with this ridiculous non-presence in NE Syria. Another example would be the attempt to take down the USPS.

That’s why partisan politics and elected leaders are excluded from “the state” in this view; “the state” forms the organizational containers that those movements and individuals fill, and the structures they seek to act on or act from. You can think of it like the ground they stand on. This doesn’t have to mean it is itself “apolitical,” since the terrain has implications for everyone standing on it, but it is the object or delivery channel of politics, not politics itself. (Again I don’t agree with this, but it’s what you’re seeing reflected in the discourse you’re talking about.)

When people go on about “the deep state” they’re espousing a conspiratorial version of this view, where they think the ~real behind-the-scenes power lies in these institutions and the long-term bureaucrats who (sometimes) staff and run them. Definitely some power does lie there, but the conspiracists overweigh this into an Elders of Zion type thing.

2. A sovereign entity.

This is more about distinguishing states from other kinds of political entities, and as a result it’s less concerned with fine distinctions about what is and isn’t “political.” The idea is that there are lots of political structures and systems in the world (anything from tribal law to international associations like NATO) but not all of them are states. States are distinguished from other things by virtue of sovereignty. The classic definition (from Max Weber) of sovereignty is “a monopoly on the legitimate use of violence within a clearly bounded territory.” In other words, a state’s police, military, national guard, security forces, etc. have a license to use violence within its borders that no one else has--anyone else engaging in violence is a criminal. It is these groups’ status as “agents of the state” that grants them this license. The bordered, yes/no territorial nature of this status--Turkish security forces have no mandate to act in Greece and vice versa--is also distinctive; fixed, defined, cartographic borders are not necessarily a given. In this view, all power and indeed all law is ultimately founded in violence (enforcement), so what matters is who/what can use force with impunity. (When the state’s monopoly on force is challenged in its territory--e.g., Hizballah making war on Israel without the Lebanese army, the original Zapatistas forming a breakaway region during the Mexican Civil War, or any occupation by a foreign force--then the state’s sovereignty is “weakened” or “under attack,” etc.)

Lots of people have criticized and elaborated on this definition. I don’t want to go on forever about all the critiques that exist, but basically in reality, sovereignty is not a yes/no binary where either you have it completely or you don’t have it at all. Things tend to be more mixed and blurry. It also has more dimensions: two important examples are 1) controlling and disposing of the territory itself (exploiting natural resources, moving people around, etc.), and 2) recognition. In many cases, the difference between a state and a non-state is whether other states recognize it as such, i.e. act like it is one. So for example, the Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus exercises sovereignty and has a state bureaucracy, elections, etc., but because it is not recognized by ~the international community~ it isn’t “a state.” (This isn’t just semantics; it may seem arbitrary when you just think about what goes on inside the TRNC, but when its citizens try to emigrate, for example, they encounter very specific, concrete problems on this basis--e.g., their passports will not be recognized as valid.)

I find this more useful personally, especially because it doesn’t assume a liberal democratic state--it can apply to a dictatorship or a monarchy or whatever you like. But in practice, i.e. how people use it, I still think this approach is frequently too worried about pinning down differences that aren’t always useful. On the one hand, I wrote my BA thesis about how Hamas and Hizballah aren’t states (it was common for a while to refer to them as “states within states”) while also not just being political parties, terrorist organizations, service providers, or any of the other things they get tagged with, precisely because of the way they relate to the Palestinian and Lebanese states. This is worth understanding because it helps explain their political projects and their successes. On the other hand, I don’t think it’s very helpful to go around arguing that, say, ISIS was a state (or state-like) and the Houthis are not because of some detail of how they think/thought about territory, or courts, or bureaucracy. Like what do you get out of making that distinction. If you want to argue that a tribal council somewhere is “the state” for its context I think that’s fine depending on what you’re trying to get at. It all depends on what kind of question you want to answer, and on what scale.

3. There’s no such thing.

This view recognizes that the state is a salad bowl full of different organizations, individuals, ideologies, etc. that do not actually all work in lockstep together or have the same goals. To talk about “the state” is to reinforce the fallacy of unified power and cooperation. Instead, we should recognize that actors within states have their own agendas, institutional cultures, power struggles, etc., and that whatever the state does is the outcome of 1) these internal dynamics, 2) the ability of different external actors (from citizens to foreign governments) to play on/appeal to/push back against different pieces of the state, and 3) the interactions of 1 and 2.

This to me is common sense. You just have to be careful not to take it too far. We can acknowledge that the state is internally differentiated/not any one single thing without going so far away from what most people understand about their worlds. There’s no point saying “there’s no such thing as a state” when people still have to pay taxes.

4. "The state effect,” or: there both is and is not any such thing

This idea, put forward by Tim Mitchell, is my favorite. It is also the subtlest, and a little tricky to explain, but I think it’s the most useful.

This view steps back and looks at all the endless, elaborate debates about every possible nicety of “stateness” and says: perhaps we are asking the wrong question here. Maybe it doesn’t matter what the state is. Maybe it matters what the state seems to be; how it seems to be that; and what “resources of power” are generated by these impressions.

This is the tricky explanation part, so bear with me for a few paragraphs.

Where exactly do we draw the line between “the state” and “civil society”? Are NGOs and nonprofits part of the state? What if they get government funding? Especially in a neoliberal context, when so much policymaking is done through contractors, consultants, tax breaks, etc., are these kinds of organizations not carrying out the state’s agenda, consciously or otherwise? Okay, that’s tough, let’s try something easier: individual people and families aren’t the state. But if a household depends on an income from state employment, does that not affect their politics and their actions in society? Is a person “part of the state” in one building and not in another? How do we account for the way off-duty cops behave, for example, then? You can do this same exercise for “the economy” or any of the other things that are supposedly separate things/domains that the state manages. How can, e.g., the American economy be separate from the state when the state prints and guarantees the currency, sets interest rates, enforces contracts, and generally sets the terms on which the economy can exist? (Going back to your original question, you could probably also do this same exercise re: political parties, or partisanship.)

The point here is not that absolutely everything is actually the state. The point is also not that there is no state. It’s that there are not firm lines. Amazon may be the state when it builds systems for the Pentagon even though it is also, clearly, a private company and not part of the state’s institutions or subject to the same kinds of political controls that state institutions are. Similarly, the state itself is not one smooth solid object (as in #3). But it seems obvious, common sense, that “the economy” is a thing, just as “public health” is a thing, etc., and both of these things are objects of state management/governance/power.

This makes it easy for political leadership to make claims on the basis of these other things as separate “objects.” I.e., “we need to take drastic action to save the economy.” So the impression of these divisions can be used to justify or legitimate state action. You can see this super clearly in the current coronavirus situation. How many times have we been told the US has to “reopen” for “the economy,” and how many times has it been pointed out that the government could just take its own economic measures to allow people to stay home--because “the economy” is not some separate object that works by itself. (I myself had to explain to a friend that the government couldn’t just switch the economy back on by “reopening.” I think we underestimate how powerful these conceptual divisions really are in people’s understanding of how the world works.)

So, therefore, “the state” is the effect of ideas and practices that make things that political leaders and institutions do seem like they form a freestanding, separate structure, a thing, that we call “the state.” It is the ensemble of all these pieces (as noted in #3), and said pieces often include things that are generally thought of as not the state; these lines between state/nonstate shift all the time. What matters is not where the line is at any given moment but what the particular configuration allows state power (including the consideration of force from #2 and the structural concerns from #1) to do.

The problem I have with this is that it doesn’t really account for state capacity very well, but that’s for another day because I haven’t figured it out via paper-writing yet.

[catholicartistsnyc]

Meet: Laura Pittenger

LAURA PITTENGER is a NYC-based writer and director, and a Catholic Artist Connection board member. (www.laurapittenger.com)

CATHOLIC ARTIST CONNECTION (CAC): What brought you to NYC, and where did you come from?

LAURA PITTENGER (LP): I graduated from Ball State University (go Cards) in 2012 with a degree in theatre production and moved here almost immediately from Fort Wayne, Indiana. I have known I wanted to live in New York City since a high school drama club trip. Living here has shattered my illusions about what it would be like, but I think in some ways the reality is better than the fantasy. I never knew New York was so diverse and fascinating outside Manhattan, but I've really fallen in love with the entire East Coast at this point.

CAC: How do understand your vocation as a Catholic artist? Do you call yourself a Catholic artist? 

LP: In mixed company, I call myself a theater artist, or a Catholic, but not often both. When I get to introduce myself as such, it is a real joy, because that’s a much more complete picture of who I am. I think it's a label that is often maligned and misunderstood, but I don't make it a personal mission to correct every single person's presumptions about what it means. I try to let my work speak for itself. I couldn't have the ideas I do about life and being human if I weren't a Catholic, and it shines through everything I create, whether I like it or not. (I think that's the Holy Spirit. Right?)

CAC: Where have you found support in the Church for your vocation as an artist?

LP: Being on the board of Catholic Artist Connection, while it has been a lot of work, has also been so faith-building and rewarding and communal. Because I have not often found the support I need as a Catholic artist in the church proper - aside from individual priests and friends, who have been lifesavers - I want to make it my mission to be that open door for other Catholic artists. This is something I believe the laity can do and can do well. 

CAC: Where have you found support among your fellow artists for your Catholic faith?

LP: It really depends. Some people can see that the theater is a place where diverse creatures gather to present and grapple with interesting questions, and that gives them the curiosity to explore what it means to be a Catholic during this strange period of history. Some people aren't yet in that frame of mind, and that's okay. If I can be Christ to them, that's what I care about, and that's in my power to do. I'm actually embarking on a process with Project Y Theatre right now where I'm going to be doing a short adaptation of a piece by Hrotsvitha of Gandershaim, a Catholic religious sister who wrote plays in the 10th century, of all things. 

CAC: How can the Church be more welcoming to artists?

LP: By supporting groups like the Catholic Artist Connection! 

CAC: How can the artistic world be more welcoming to artists of faith?

LP: Ask more questions about faith instead of relying on pat and easy answers. Let religion appear onstage as more than a punchline or punching bag. Let's have stories about religious persons struggling, yes, but let's also have stories about them thriving in religious communities. We could all benefit from that kind of open-mindedness.

CAC: Where in NYC do you regularly find spiritual fulfillment? Do you recommend any particular parishes?

LP: I attend a parish in Queens - reach out to me directly if you want more specifics. Otherwise, in Manhattan, I'll recommend a few parishes that stand out:

St. Francis of Assisi is fantastic, very welcoming, diverse community, and caters to so many marginalized people.

If you want spectacle and the Seat of Everything in NYC, St. Patrick's Cathedral.

I have a special place in my heart for the Dominicans over at St. Vincent Ferrer, it was one of the first churches I attended regularly in the city. You might see a few familiar faces at the noon mass, and sometimes the Sisters of Life go there.

If you want to go to an 11pm mass in Times Square, check out the The Actor's Chapel/St. Malachy's. It's quite something. They have actors and singers galore so the liturgy is pretty beautiful.

St. Ignatius Loyola is a BEAUTIFUL Jesuit parish on Park Avenue, and the music is out of this world good.

CAC: Where in NYC do you regularly find artistic fulfillment?

LP: I have done a lot of work with Turn to Flesh Productions with my good friend Emily C. A. Snyder. I've worked with a lot of companies, some of which have moved away or developed into other companies - such is the nature of the theater!

To get inspired, I visit new places in the city. There are always new places to go. There are still neighborhoods I've never even set foot in and I've been here since 2012.

I read about 50 books a year on average. You have to keep your mind moving so it doesn't get stagnant. And there are a lot of independent used bookstores in the city that you should DEFINITELY support. The Strand is an institution. And Heaven help us, when we get the Drama Bookshop back, you should support them, too.

I also took a class recently with the Brooklyn Institute for Social Research when they had one on "Bible as Literature." Take any class that you can afford. Sign up for Barnes and Noble alerts, they always have famous people come to read from their books in Union Square. 

CAC: What is your daily spiritual practice?

LP: I pray throughout the day. My prayer life is extremely simple, basic, and conversational. I spent a long time dealing with anxiety and depression, and I have found it best to just live in the silence with God. I expect a lot of myself by nature, and so my biggest challenge has been learning when to ease off and just know that I am loved by God. I find a lot of comfort in spiritual reading. Read Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke.

I'm self-conscious of the fact that it seems like I often do the bare minimum of what is expected of me as a Catholic, but my heart is at peace - most of the time. It helps to find a spiritual director or regular confessor who knows you well and can guide you when you're feeling lost, and it was important to me when I moved here that I find one quickly. He's busy, but he'll make time.

CAC: What is your daily artistic practice?

LP: When I was writing my novel I wrote several times a week, and it was a real pleasure. It's good sometimes to work on creative projects that are simply for fun, because it's easy to lose sight of your art as anything but hard work. But, in general, I try to be really protective of my time and energy. I wouldn't say I have a daily practice, but I am trying to get better at doing at least one creative thing a day, even if it's just composing funny dumb tweets. 

CAC: Describe a recent day in which you were most completely living out your vocation as an artist. What happened, and what brought you the most joy?

LP: A collective of playwrights including myself have been meeting regularly with the New Sanctuary Coalition at St. Francis Xavier Church in order to write plays based off the interviews the NSC does with immigrants living in the city. It’s been a salve to the soul to find a way to share those stories with the world, they are urgent stories for our times.

CAC: You actually live in NYC? How!?

LP: If you want to move here and are not sure what you want, or if you don't have a big budget or any credit, or some other reason why you don't want to or can't rent your own apartment right away, I recommend starting in a short-term sublet. I arranged a sublet on Facebook in the month before I first moved here, with a girl I hadn't met. I found a sublet group on Facebook, and I know Craigslist (although sketchy) does have sublet opportunities as well. Technically speaking not all subletting is "legal," but NYC subletting laws are pretty draconian. There are legal sublets out there but I can't speak for all of them. It's a little ridiculous, but only the strictest of landlords really seem to care. Just something to keep in mind.

I will be very candid with you - if one of your parents has a very high paying job, you'll be in much better shape to rent your own place. Oftentimes landlords want renters with a guarantor who makes anywhere from 40x to 90x the monthly rent.

If you can find a roommate, do it. Keep open lines of communication about what your priorities are in a living situation. Those things typically come down to:

1. Distance from the train/Manhattan/jobs 2. Space in the apartment 3. Personalities 4. Interest in the neighborhood

If your roommate has a parent who can be the guarantor, or one of yours can be, you will be in great shape to find your own place, even without jobs right away. If not, subletting is your best bet. Do NOT be afraid to speak openly and candidly with each other about finances. You have to be realistic. You have to be wise.

I live in a neighborhood in Queens called Astoria. I share a 3bed convert (meaning it's 2 bed with no living room now because we made it into a bedroom) with a big kitchen, a decent bathroom, and a great landlord. I pay around $900 every month for this, and I'm paying for proximity to the train, proximity to Manhattan (I can be in Times Square in 25 minutes if the trains are running on time), and space. The price jumps up at least $500 a share once you try to find a similar place like that in Manhattan. Yes, the prices are insane. The cheapest studios I see are somewhere around $1500 and you usually don't get much space for that money. The more roommates you have, the cheaper your rent can be, but you will have to sacrifice things like privacy and quiet.

When I first moved here, I paid $750 a month for one half of a 2 bedroom apartment in the same neighborhood, but the landlord was not great, and we had mice and heat problems. You really get what you pay for, and sometimes neighborhoods (like mine) get trendier every year.

I found both apartments with a local broker who knows the neighborhood, and I found her on Craigslist. This is not a blanket endorsement of Craigslist. If something seems too good to be true, it definitely is.

Stay away from Williamsburg, or anything off the L train for now. Look up where the train lines are going to be shut down for long periods of time, and don't move there. Good neighborhoods to look at for lower budgets:

Manhattan: Inwood, Washington Heights, Harlem, Queens: Sunnyside, East Elmhurst, Astoria, Long Island City Brooklyn: Bushwick, Crown Heights.

I don't know Brooklyn super well, honestly, but there are parts of Brooklyn that are still affordable. The ones I listed are all really vibrant and diverse communities, and if you want to be a part of them, they'll be glad to have you. If you have your heart set on Manhattan, you will be paying a lot more for a lot less convenience (longer walk to the store, higher prices, fewer laundromats), but you will have proximity to a lot of cool stuff. 

CAC: But seriously, how do you make a living in NYC?

LP: When I first moved here, I got a job at a hotel as a food runner and then a server by attending an open call I found on Craigslist. I also got a job as a host at a Times Square chain restaurant because I had friends who were working there at the time and got me an interview. Another friend recommended a temp agency to me. I got a decent amount of work through there. Basically, it's easier to get a job if you have an "in," but you may have to start at the bottom of the barrel and work your way up.

Some weeks I worked five days at the restaurant, one day at the temp job, and mornings at the house of an actor preparing for a one-man show he was doing. I had to keep really careful track of my paychecks and budget to make sure I would have enough for rent. I made sure I had a cushion of money in my checking account just in case I had an emergency.  

The hours will be long and frustrating and you might cry a lot, but if you can stick with it through the tough times, I promise you that you will be able to work anywhere in the world and do anything you want to do, because you did it in New York. Go to open calls. Make phone calls. Walk in and be ready to fill out an application in person, and ask to see the manager right away. Be proactive. Let the rush of energy and fear from being in a new place help you take action.

The one thing I will say is don't let the job become your whole life. There are so many things to see and do here, and you want to have the time to enjoy them. It's not just about survival, it's about living well, and about having time to work on your art. Now I have one job in due diligence, with benefits and healthcare, that allows me to work on my theater stuff, my real passion, in my spare time. I've been with that firm for a little over four years. 

CAC: How much would you suggest artists moving to NYC budget for their first year?

LP: I moved here with about $5k, and it took me about $3k to get settled over a period of three months. I lived out of suitcases but clawed my way into an apartment, and took it from there. I also talked to my parents to figure out what my "bailout" fund looked like, and they gave me a ballpark figure - if things ever got really bad, I knew I could call them, but there was a limit, so that encouraged me to stay frugal. I didn't consider that money part of my budget, just a little peace of mind - and I still haven't used it. (But keep in mind, this was in 2012, so adjust for inflation!)

CAC: What other practical resources would you recommend to a Catholic artist living in NYC?

LP: Apply for an IDNYC. It's a municipal (city) ID card that comes with yearlong museum memberships that you can sign up for via the website and it's also a valid ID card if you're somewhat irregular in your living situation - anyone who can prove residency, even homeless persons, can get one! Also, make www.broadwayforbrokepeople.com your bookmark for discounted play tickets. Most theaters have discount programs based on age. You can also try for lotto tickets using the TodayTix app. 

CAC: What are your top 3 pieces of advice for Catholic artists moving to NYC?

LP: 1. Go to Mass, every Sunday. Try out different parishes until you find one where you feel comfortable and welcome. We have so, so many and they are waiting for you to fill them up with your time and talents. If they are in your neighborhood, so much the better.

2. Invest in your neighborhood. Shop local. Get to know the community. Attend local events. You're going to meet people you'd never have met back home, and most of them won't be artists, or Catholic - although some might be both! It will inform you creatively more than you know.

3. Surround yourself with people who treat you with the respect and dignity you deserve. This might seem like general life advice, and it is, but as a Catholic you'll find yourself facing challenges in the city, and as an artist in this city, you'll certainly be challenged. But at the end of the day, when you lay your head down, wherever you find a spot, you have to know you are safe and loved. Nothing is worth your respect and dignity, and do everything you can to maintain it. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you feel trapped and afraid. You aren't the only artist (or Catholic) to feel this way in this city.

[voightsgirl]

Your Voight post made me think, and I think CPD doesn't get enough appreciation re: how they seem to effortlessly go against a lot of toxic masculinity. Like, there's been any issues with the guys crying or expressing their love for each other, and it's never made into a joke or followed with a no homo reaction or smthn like that and idk I guess I really appreciate the male friendships in CPD. Even the rest of the franchise doesn't do so well as this imo (not counting justice bc it's still new)

You know I started replying to this and then I realised that I’ve never really thought about the male characters in that much depth…I’m the first to sing about how amazing Erin and Burgess are, as well as male characters individually, but when I really thought about how well the men have been created, I ended up with an entire essay so apologies it’s so long but I just love this show and these guys. Also since there’s been a lot of negativity in light of *cough* recent events, I thought it would be nice to show my appreciation, so here goes. Feel free to add examples/contradictions/points/other ideas etc!!

Something I need to say before beginning: I find it really, really difficult to empathise with male characters. It’s just harder for me to really relate to their issues. And I think a huge reason for this is just that being a female character in these shows and these professions is just harder. And therefore there are a certain amount of fundamental difficulties that each female character has to face, and since being a female in general involves a lot of these struggles, it’s much easier for other women to look at these characters and see themselves in them. Look at Erin and Burgess struggling to keep their hard work and intelligence a more valuable feature to their unit than their bodies. Look at April and Maggie trying not to be undermined by their male, more qualified co-workers - and Manning being a single, working mum. Look at Gabby beating the odds and becoming a firefighter even though no one thinks she can do it because she’s small and female.

And I love that this show can do that: take these vital professions and give them amazing, well developed, multifaceted female characters whose constant struggles are so relatable for any female watching because we’ve all been there.

But what PD does that I just don’t see so much in the others (Fire does it to an extent, but I can’t really think of any examples in Med - although it’s my least favourite and so I’m probably not the best person to make analyses based on it, feel free to correct me if I’m wrong) is do the same with the males. And it’s something that I have never seen on a TV show before. There’s no “no-homo” bullshit, there’s no reservations around being friends. They hug each other when they’re worried about them, they do the friendly shoulder squeezes and arm-punches and fist-bumps. They go out for drinks together. They trust each other and look out for each other and they talk to each other about how they feel. And it’s really, really nice to see.

People go the extra mile when writing female characters (although admittedly, as a teenage girl I’m probably not using the widest sample range of TV shows) because they know that either a) their audience is mostly female, or b) they’re worried about sexist accusations. Women have always been victims of horrible media tropes, so I’m so, so glad that they do go this extra mile - I love seeing female friendships more than anything else in the world - but because people are so aware of the issue surrounding female characters, they’ve taken that into consideration, while assuming that there isn’t actually a problem with their male characters.

What Chicago PD does that I think is incredible from a characterisation point of view is they take these archetypal cop characters - the dirty cop (Voight), the by-the-book cop (Antonio), the shell-shocked veteran cop (Halstead), the old-cop young cop (Ruzek and Ollinsky) and the gentle giant (Attwater). **there are more, such as Attwater arguably being the “token minority” and Ruzek being the “fair cop” but you get the idea. They all seem to represent one of the main tropes that are almost always present in cop shows (at least all the ones I’ve watched).

And the show doesn’t subvert the tropes, not exactly - even though doing so would be so much easier - but they three-dimensialise (idk if that’s a word just roll with me here) all the characters on top of these fundamental archetypes. ie:

Voight is a dirty cop. He kills people in the name of justice, he’s used dirty money and lied under oath and done things that probably should have lost him his badge a million times. And yet, he works tirelessly for the protection of his city. He loves his son with everything he has, and his grandson, and his daughter-in-law. He took in a 13(?) year old who’d been hooked on heroin and arrested for solicitation and loves her like she’s his own daughter. He made amends with the guy who put his son in jail. He always, always fights for the underdog and doesn’t let the system take advantage of them. He treats his unit as if they are his “family” - literally his words - and he has formed relationships with every single one of them, bending the rules and putting his neck and badge on the line if they ever do anything wrong or against the rules. (Example: 3x05)

Antonio plays by the rules, that’s just who he is. He believes in the system more than Voight does, arguably because he’s always been on the right side of it. But that doesn’t mean he’s not willing to make compromises if those he really cares about are on the line - he is more than willing to turn a blind eye to other people’s ‘interpretations’ of the law, and he will do everything in his power to fight his way using the rules of the system before he breaks them. (1x02, 3x01)

Halstead’s military history I think is one of the most interesting aspects of this show because he had the potential to turn into a “cold sniper” as I think is the norm with ex-military characters, and yeah, he was affected in ways that we don’t even know - and may never fully understand - by what he saw and did in his tour(s). But he’s so selfless and sweet and supportive. His PTSD and general commitment issues mean that he can’t open up to everyone but he still lets them open up to him, being Erin’s #1 supporter, and he’s finally started to work on looking after his mental health properly and learning how to ask for help. He’s kind and caring and understands the importance of sacrifice and, like Voight, is willing to bend the rules a little bit - even if he’s always there to question Voight’s methods. (3x17, 4x18 - deleted scene)

Ruzek is the token rookie of the show, and the audience is placed in the same boat as him when initially learning the ropes of the unit and how everyone fits. He’s the young and attractive one (I mean….), and he does exhibit those typical rookie traits: he’s rash and reckless and cocky and definitely not as cynical as any of the others, but at the same time he has a huge heart, he’s sweet and caring, and he can be as tough as hell when someone he loves is in danger. He doesn’t have the “tortured romantic” side to him and he has a typical cop family tree, but he’s the person I feel like most people can probably relate to - someone who puts themselves in harm’s way every single day for no reason other than he wants to make a difference. (1x01, 1x11)

Ollinsky is the other dirty cop, although he functions more as an assistant to the dirty cop. He has the tough coldness about him that you would probably expect Jay to have instead, if following these tropes by the book, and he comes across as very sinister and quite scary. And yet he is an absolute darling around Lexi and Michelle and when Lexi died and Meredith was kidnapped, he totally lost control. Despite all the coldness and being closed-off he is perhaps the most emotional of them all, grieving and crying and not caring about how tough he is when someone he loves is threatened. (4x16)

Attwater is the gentle giant of the show and although this doesn’t need much more explaining, he, alongside Erin, is also the token minority of the unit (even more so now that Antonio’s left and Burgess has joined Erin in Intelligence) and although this trope is constantly seen as a bad thing, using a token character to avoid criticism of being racist in casting choices, in PD Attwater opens the door to addressing cases of police racism, corruption and brutality against ethnic minorities, and the episodes in which they do deal with this, Attwater is quick to express his opinion on the matter and challenge within seconds everything that’s wrong with the institution and their society. But on top of all that, he has relatives in prison, he’s expected to be a big tough “scary black man”, but in actuality he looks after his two younger siblings and does stand-up comedy and probably gives the best bear hugs ever.

And the support system that these six men have together (or five, now that Antonio’s left) is incredible to watch. They understand barriers, they know when to push and when to give each other space, they all work together so well in such a potentially toxic environment without even a hint at this hyper-masculinity that is so huge in other cop shows. They’re all just bros.

What’s also great is that even though there’s a lil bit of that bro-masculine culture especially when Erin goes undercover and dresses up all nice, they’re never anything but perfect gentlemen. There’s no teasing and no sexist remarks about her legs or whatever, they all just seem genuinely impressed by how pretty she looks and how well she does her job. Adam even says things like “there’s about a thousand things I could say right now but won’t” because they all respect Erin and Burgess and support them as much as each they do each other. They don’t care if the women do better jobs than them, or save them, or shoot more accurately than them, and they’d never dream of undermining their femininity while doing so.

Other examples of the bros being bros:

Antonio getting Jay into the unit in the first place as a thank you for helping out Gabby (Chicago Fire, season 2 sometime, mentioned later when Antonio leaves)

Voight literally crying on Alvin’s shoulder after Justin’s death

Every single one of Jay and Mouse’s interactions, especially when they talk about their time in the military and Jay realises how much he cares about his friend when Mouse wants to re-enlist and when Mouse is taken hostage (4x05, 3x03)

Antonio and Voight’s entire friendship and the fact that Voight would go to such measures to help Diego even after Antonio was the one to put the cuffs on and send him to jail

Attwater and Ruzek being bros until the end and *sniff* the whole best man thing 

They all buy Antonio a zimmer frame when he gets shot isn’t that just beautiful

Ruzek hugging Al after Lexi’s death and his little “I don’t know what to say” and “can I hug you?” - like he knows Al might just want space but he has to let him know he’s there for him

They all get so upset when Jay is taken. Just watch the scene where they see the video of his torture and their faces break me. They can’t handle the idea that someone so close to them - their brother - is in so much pain. (3x01)

Seriously tho just look at these bros

So I was just gonna write a few paragraphs and sorry this is so long but feel free to add more!! I want to know what everyone else thinks!

[sasusakufestival]

Cooties

Summary: As the years inch by, the competition between them becomes more and more apparent. It’s entirely good-natured on Sakura’s side, but the same can definitely not be said for Sasuke. He is as intense in his dislike of her as he is in his love for his brother and parents. [SasuSaku Festival 2017 – Day 10 – Prompt: “SasuSaku Rivals”]

Disclaimer: This story utilizes characters, situations and premises that are copyright Masashi Kishimoto, Shueisha, Shonen Jump and Viz Media. No infringement on their respective copyrights pertaining to episodes, novelizations, comics or short stories is intended by the author in any way, shape or form. This fan oriented story is written solely for the author’s own amusement and the entertainment of the readers. It is not for profit. Any resemblance to real organizations, institutions, products or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. All fiction, plot and Original Characters with the exception of those introduced in the books, manga, video games, novelizations and anime, are the sole creation of KuriQuinn and using them without permission is considered rude, in bad-taste and will reflect seriously on your credibility as a writer. You will be pecked to death by a hawk should you be found plagiarizing.

Warning:Spoilersfor pretty much everything up to Chapter 699.

Canon-Compliance: Takes place during Part I. Team 7 goes from ages 5 – 10 over the course of the story.

Fanon Compliance: Could conceivably take place in my Meanwhiles and Neverwheres non-massacre AU timeline

AN: This is unedited. I basically powered through it in between interviews with parents tonight and scrambled to get it done. Edits will happen when they happen, maybe this weekend if I and my beta have time.

Sasuke Uchiha is convinced that Sakura Haruno is a demon.

From her ridiculous coloured hair to her too-bright eyes, to the way she walks around with a straight back, exuding total confidence in a way none of the other kids do. Unlike the other girls that silently clamour to sit beside him their first day at the Academy, she chooses a seat at the very front of the class, and reads what looks like an instructional scroll until their instructor arrives. When she notices him staring at her, she looks up and smiles in a way that makes the whole room feel uncomfortable and warm.

Like he’s her very favourite person in the world, even though they have never actually met.

Sasuke decides right then that there is something about her he doesn’t trust.

It turns out his instincts on this one are good, because she's weird.

Several mornings into the new academic year, Sasuke waits in the classroom, anticipating the moment when the first students start to trickle in and another tedious day of lessons begins. The peace of the morning is abruptly broken by hurried footsteps and a slamming door. Before he can react, he is cornered by a flushed and panting girl, who boldly plants herself barely two feet away from him.

He, of course, knows her from class, but they’ve never even exchanged two words before. Yet she addresses him as if they know each other well.

“Sasuke, I don’t have a lot of time, so there’s something I have to tell you because I might not get another chance,” she declares without preamble or even introducing herself. For a moment she hesitates, like the words are stuck in her throat, then she squares her shoulders. “I have feelings for you –” Which brings him up short, because theirs is a short acquaintance, and it’s the first time any member of the female species has said something like this to him, “ – but I can’t spend my time chasing after you. I have to become a powerful shinobi, and if I’m focussed on you right now it will take me longer. Just remember that, okay?”

And then she takes off again, leaving him utterly perplexed.

And annoyed.

Sasuke doesn’t have much patience for practical jokes, if this is what her outburst was, and he has even less for people that waste his time. Her little declaration serves no actual point that he can discern, and yet it feels like there is a significance to it. Something beyond the strange confession, like she’s trying to offer him some secret message.

Something more than a notion as ridiculous as feelings.

He spends an entire hour puzzling over it, before gravely deciding he’s too important to be thinking of such things. She’s said she won’t pay attention to him, and he takes that as an indication he won’t be bothered by any more of her strangeness.

The matter is safely stored at the back of his mind, phased out in favour of wheedling training sessions from Itachi and telling his parents about his successes in class.

But Sakura Haruno has the inconvenient, irritating talent for being noticed. And it’s not just because of her hair, but her general temperament. During breaks, she is kind to everyone she speaks to, breaks up disagreements and quietly re-explains Iruka’s lessons if her seatmate (usually Naruto) begins to flounder.

At first, he resolutely pays her no mind – she’s no challenge to him, after all. From what he hears, her parents never made it past chūnin, she’s not from an official shinobi clan and being nice isn’t going to make her a good ninja. Sure, over time, he becomes aware that she’s one of the other students Iruka tends to compliment on ability or efficiency – Ino and Shino are as well – but that’s it.

But then Iruka starts to ask her to come to the front of the class to demonstrate problems on the board. Or show other students how to perform proper kunai-throwing technique. In fact, in this respect, their teacher praises her more than he does Sasuke.

And that needles at him.

The fact that it’s someone he doesn’t like who excels as well as he does is vaguely irritating, but it’s still something he can shrug off. After all, he supposes blood doesn't always determine ability – look at Naruto. He’s the son of the Fourth Hokage and an Uzumaki, a clan known for their immense power, and yet he’s a talentless loser. And Shikamaru is probably smarter than all of them put together, but has the lowest scores in the class.

The whole issue with Sakura Haruno is a fluke, nothing worth acknowledging.

Until their first evaluations come in.

Sasuke fully expects to be at the top of the class – in fact, by his calculations he is. Except when Iruka gets up to announce the results, it’s Sakura’s name that he proudly writes on the blackboard, and not Sasuke’s.

It is as if his stomach has turned to lead.

While their classmates congratulate the flustered girl, Sasuke tries desperately to figure out how she beat him. She’s talented, sure, but he's Uchiha. His father is the police captain, and his mother was a skilled jōnin, and his brother was the youngest graduate from the Academy since the hero Kakashi Hatake. The way of the shinobi should not come more easily to her, so why is this nobody proving a challenge to him?

No answer presents itself other than the fact that maybe, just maybe, he hasn’t been putting the right effort into achieving his potential.

From that moment on, Sasuke vows to beat Sakura at all costs.

He flings himself into his studies, something he never expected to have to do, and increases his training regimen. He observes her during taijutsu exercises, cataloguing her (admittedly few) weaknesses, and races to complete classwork faster and better than she does. He even takes to sitting up front with her, if only to keep track of her progress in relation to his own. It means sitting with Naruto, too, because for some reason she’s friends with the idiot, but he accepts this as a necessary evil.

It always makes him look better by comparison, so it works out.

At first Sakura seems confused by his attention, even puzzled, but over time she starts to react to his obvious ire with something like…delight? It’s strange and weird, and not knowing why she has that reaction makes him even angrier. He thinks she has an ulterior motive of some kind, perhaps she isn’t as nice as people think, because no one is happy to have someone dislike them.

As the years inch by, the competition between them becomes more and more apparent.

It’s entirely good-natured on Sakura’s side, but the same can definitely not be said for Sasuke. From a young age, he had a tendency toward grudges, and his feelings radiate from the core of his heart to the tips of fingers. He is as intense in his dislike of her as he is in his love for his brother and parents.

“I don’t get it,” Naruto says one day in class when Iruka partners them together for sparring. “She’s nice to everyone, even the girls that make fun of her. How can you not like her?”

Which Sasuke doesn’t answer, instead soundly pummelling the Hokage’s kid to the ground.

He’ll probably get reprimanded for it later – Father will look disapproving, and Mother complain that she now has to apologise to Aunt Kushina on his behalf. And the next time Sasuke sees him, Cousin Obito will give him some long-winded lecture about friendship and respect and a final, “try not to kill my sensei’s kid, okay?”

But it’s worth it. Besides, it’s not like the popular boy can’t take a beating every once in a while. And answering Naruto would mean admitting out loud that Sasuke considers Sakura a rival, which would mean acknowledging her existence. He refuses to stoop to that level.

But the enmity is there nonetheless, and the rewards thereof fluctuate between them.

One day, Sasuke is at the head of their class in substitution jutsu, but the next Sakura produces not one but three consecutive substitutions during a game of capture-the-flag, thereby securing a win for her team. Another day, Sakura has all of her mathematics homework done perfectly, and Iruka has her name up on the board again. So, Sasuke stays up the whole night wrestling wildly with the confusing symbols and equations until his sums are perfect, earning the coveted spot as top student. He even managed to repeat this for three weeks straight.

The girls praise him and the boys mutter, and he pretends like it was no effort at all. Sakura shrugs, and goes back to whatever scroll she is studying this week.

Sasuke’s streak comes to an end when they begin learning about chakra control. Here, he finds a difficulty that can’t be fixed by mere memorization and repetition. Here, Sakura is the clear master, and again Iruka has her go around to the other kids that need help; she spends almost her entire afternoon trying to explain to Naruto what he’s doing wrong.

Sasuke resolutely tunes out everything she is saying, insistent that he will figure it all out on his own. When she comes by to offer him assistance, he barks out, “I’m fine. Go help someone who needs it.”

“Well, if you’re sure,” she tells him, and then moves on to one of their other classmates.

She doesn’t even get mad? What the hell is wrong with this girl?

By the end of the day, he manages to get a handle on it – not as well as she can do it, but better than the rest of his class – and he feels some small measure of vindication.

Then there’s the day when they both achieve a perfect score on their latest evaluation module – word problems and taijutsu forms and even a Rope Untying Jutsu. After announcing their joint results, Iruka puts both their names up on the blackboard beside one another. The boys hoot and make catcalls, the girls whisper mutinously, and at lunch some idiot (he’s pretty sure it’s Kiba) draws a heart around their names.

Sakura appears mortified, and Sasuke is furious.

The girls throw a fit and are quick to erase the offending drawing, turning on Sakura as if she is responsible, and Naruto spends the walk toward the Compound (he sometimes stays with Obito and Rin when his parents are away) loudly complaining to Sasuke, as if it's his fault it happened.

“She’s the only girl in the entire school you actually remember the name of,” he rants. “Of course people are gonna tease you! Which makes it harder for people who actually like her to get noticed!”

Naruto’s crush on Sakura is pathetic, and Sasuke tells him so.

Which may or may not result in them pounding the hell out of each other and arriving at his cousin’s house a mess of bruises and cuts.

“I feel like I’m reliving the past,” Obito laughs, while Rin heals the worst of the injuries. Sasuke is thankful for this, because he doesn’t relish the idea of having to explain them to his mother. “The only thing missing are a pair of goggles and those crappy books!”

“What books?” Kashi pipes up curiously from where she is playing with a stuffed dog.

“Books you can read when you’re eighteen,” Rin tells her daughter sternly, and the youngest Uchiha shrugs, unbothered, before going back to her toys.

Naruto sniggers. “If they’re about girls, then maybe Sasuke should read them now. That way he can learn not to be an asshole to S – ow, what the hell, you bastard?!”

“Sasuke!” Rin snaps. “That was utterly uncalled for! Do you think your father would approve of that behaviour? And Naruto, if I hear language like that coming from you again, I’m going to have a conversation with your mother, and I guarantee you won’t like the results.”

Both boys turn pale at the respective threats.

“Oh, I have a feeling this is going to be the norm from now on,” Obito muses, both too amused and too knowing for Sasuke’s liking.

But the subject is dropped, and Sasuke makes a mental note to spend less time at his cousin’s house from now on.

In class, his exploits continue.

Every month they have a progress test to check their skill levels. Waiting for the results always ends up feeling like a week of pure torture. Especially because for three months straight, Sakura ends up coming out just ahead of Sasuke.

This fact is now a topic of dinner conversations, much to his mortification and fury.

Fugaku has been asking questions, wondering distantly why Sasuke isn’t at the top of his class like Itachi was. Sasuke refuses to use the excuse of a civilian girl being better than him. Instead, he accepts his father’s belief that he isn’t working hard enough, and redoubles his efforts. Every day, he wakes up even earlier, forces himself through any subject that he finds difficult just for the possibility of overtaking her in class.

Slowly, it pays off.

More often than before, Iruka stands at the front of the class, congratulating Sasuke on being the top student of the week. Then for the term. And it happens again the next month, and the next, and by the end of their penultimate year at the Academy, Sasuke is named Rookie of the Year.

He is smug and satisfied with the news. Finally, he has done what he set out to do, and expects to be treated accordingly. On the day the news is announced, he expects Sakura Haruno to be devastated.

But his moment of triumph falls utterly flat when after class, Sakura comes up to him and beams. Her eyes shine with something that looks strangely like pride.

“Congratulations!” she says, with genuine and obvious pleasure. “I know you worked really hard for this! You deserve it.”

And his chest feels warm and the blood rushes to his cheeks and he is angry.

He expected her to be resentful, or even annoyed. Maybe he was hoping she would declare her own efforts to out-do him, or get angry at him – hoping she would do something that shows she feels the sting of defeat the same way he does.

But there is nothing there but joy, and for whatever reason, this enrages him, and the words are out of his mouth before he even understands what he is saying.

“Don’t be annoying,” he tells her coldly. “Your congratulations mean nothing to me. I beat you, therefore to me, you don’t exist anymore.”

There’s a long, horrifying beat of silence.

And there it is.

Her face falls, the brightness in her eyes fades, and the smile disappears. Her lips purse, and for a brief, brief instant, he sees an angry shadow cross her features.

He waits for her to lash out at him – she’s done it before, to Kiba or Naruto when they say something particularly obtuse, and she doesn’t hold back a tongue-lashing when it comes to Ino. But then she smiles –

Fake!

– and quietly tells him. “I’m happy for you anyway, Sasuke.”

And then walks away.

He tries to ignore the fact it feels like she takes all the colour of the room when she leaves.

He doesn’t see her for the rest of the day, or the next. She is not in class, or the hallways, and there are whispers from the other kids that he pretends not to hear. A tiny, niggling feeling that might possibly be guilt begins to pick at him.

Even if it didn’t, everyone he is on speaking terms with seems to have an opinion on the matter.

“I’ve never seen Sakura as upset as she was yesterday,” Naruto tells him that morning. “She didn’t say a word the rest of the day, and she didn’t even wait for me to walk her home like she usually does.”

“That just means she’s finally gotten tired of your voice,” Sasuke insists, but he is off-balance enough to succumb to a clumsy uppercut from his friend.

And Ino corners him around lunch, shoving a finger in his face and snapping, “Just because I like you doesn’t mean you get to be a jerk to my friend! You should apologise to Sakura!”

He turns and stalks away. “Hn.”

Kashi, who has been attending classes at the Academy now since the beginning of the year year, runs into him as he is heading home. With total solemnity, she informs him that he is a moron.

Because, of course, Sakura is hugely popular with the younger students.

I don’t care what they say, he insists to himself, even if the words in his head are beginning to sound less and less certain.

He walks home completely alone, realising that without Naruto or Kashi tagging along, he’s alone with his thoughts. It’s more than a relief when he encounters Itachi and his cousin Shisui in the courtyard outside the house.

“Sasuke,” his brother greets, a gentle smile on his face. “I heard you made it to the top of you class this year.”

Sasuke’s heart lifts. He doesn’t even question how his brother found out. “Yeah.”

“Well done.”

“Yeah, kid, that’s pretty cool,” Shisui tells him with a grin. “I guess you finally showed everyone that you’re as smart as your big brother, huh? I bet you impressed that crush of yours, too.”

Sasuke’s brief elation evaporates.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he growls.

“Your little girl friend. Aunt Mikoto says –”

“Shisui,” Itachi warns, noting Sasuke’s expression, just before he snaps, “I don’t have time for girls and definitely not one who is so weird and smiles so much!”

Shisui sniggers, obviously not taking him seriously, and Itachi offers him a pandering smile.

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of, Sasuke. You could do a lot worse.” He says this with a faraway, thoughtful look in his eyes, and Sasuke realises there’s no point to defending himself further.

So he decides to leave, but not without a parting shot and meaningful glare at Shisui. “You mean like you?”

The sound of two chokes of disbelief when he turns his back are totally worth it.

The victory is short-lived, however, because at dinner it starts again.

“I had tea with Mebuki Haruno today,” she chats brightly as she doles out second helping to her husband and sons. “She’s mending our good clothes for Inabi’s wedding next month. She was telling me about how excited Sakura is for summer. She’s in your class, isn’t she, Sasuke?”

“Hm.” He shoves a tomato in his mouth to avoid a proper answer, but off his father’s raised eyebrow, he swallows quickly and mutters, “Yes.”

“We should have them over one afternoon,” Mikoto continues. “They’re such a nice family. And talented, from what I hear. Iruka says she and Sasuke are usually neck and neck in class.”

Fugaku snorts.

“She isn’t from any known clan,” he points out, sipping his tea. “I would hope Sasuke isn’t going easy on her because she’s a girl. That dishonours your abilities and hers.”

“Oh, Sasuke would never do that,” Mikoto protests. “I mean, maybe if he liked her, but – ”

Sasuke jumps to his feet at his.

“May I be excused?” he asks, but doesn’t wait for the answer, before stomping to his room. Upon shoving the shoji door closed, he proceeds to throw himself face down on his bed in a sulk.

Even my parents!

It’s beyond frustrating, like everywhere he turns today, he is destined to be reminded of Sakura. And the expression on her face when he said those words earlier.

Growling, he shoves his pillow over his head, as if that will drown out the memory of it. This is how Itachi finds him ten minutes later. He gently pries the pillow away.

“Are you alright?” he asks, and though his voice is quiet and without the expectation that Sasuke will actually answer, it’s as if he has given permission to open the floodgates.

“I don’t understand why everyone is making such a big deal over this!” he cries, clenching his fists. “Everyone tells me how I feel and they don’t listen when I tell them I don’t like Sakura! She ruins everything She’s always in the way, and when I finally beat her – when I finally get what I’ve been working so hard for – all anyone can talk about his her! Just for once, I want someone to…to…”

He trails off, words utterly failing him in his frustration.

“Acknowledge you?” Itachi supplies.

Sasuke blinks. “…Yeah.”

“May I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“When you were named Rookie of the Year, how did Sakura react?” Itachi questions. “Was she upset?”

“No,” Sasuke mutters. “She congratulated me.”

“That was rather graceful,” Itachi says mildly. “It’s a measure of character when someone can accept defeat with ease. And even be magnanimous to the person who has beaten them. Can you think of anyone else who would react in such a way?”

“No…but that doesn’t matter!” Sasuke protests. “She’s weird! She never reacts how normal people react! And the whole time, it’s like she was happy that I was beating her, and that’s just not normal!”

“She was happy for you,” Itachi repeats. “Proud, even, would you say?”

“I…yeah, I guess.”

“Isn’t that what you wanted from the beginning? For her to acknowledge you?” Sasuke opens his mouth to correct him, but Itachi goes on, “Acknowledgement doesn’t have to mean ceding to a superior in battle. Sometimes it can be as simple as a kind word.”

Which Sasuke can’t think of a way to argue against.

Now the guilty feeling is back, and with a vengeance. He shifts uncomfortably.

“Hey…Big Brother?”

“Yes?”

“Did you ever have this problem before? With Izumi?”

A rare expression of discomfort passes over Itachi’s face.

“That is a story for another time.” He reaches his hand out and waves his fingers, indicating Sasuke come closer. Sasuke frowns suspiciously, but inches forward, only to jerk back when – of course – Itachi pokes him in the forehead. “For now, little brother, I think there’s someone else that you owe at least a conversation.”

Despite the last word, Sasuke knows his brother actually means apology. The trouble is, he’s never actually had to give one, so is unsure what to do. Maybe there’s a way he can get around actually giving one, but whatever he does, he’s going to have to face Sakura.

At the brief feeling of doubt, he frowns at himself.

He is to be a shinobi one day, and if he can’t handle talking to one girl, then he might as well give up on the whole thing now.

He wastes no more time slipping out of his room – he doesn’t think his parents will be so keen on letting him go anywhere given his abrupt departure from dinner – and heads for her house. He has never been there before, but Naruto has pointed it out to him on more than one occasion over the years, and he’s memorized the location against his will.

When he knocks tentatively on the door, he is barely given a moment to prepare a story, before it is flung open and a kind-faced woman with blond hair stands before him.

“Yes?” she asks, and then blinks at him. “Oh, goodness, you look just like Mikoto. You must be Sasuke, then – come in.”

Before he can marvel at the speed with which she comes to this conclusion, he is ushered into the house.

“Sakura talks about you a lot,” Sakura’s mother tells him cheerily, “so even if you didn’t look the spit of your mother, I’d know who you are. I hear you just got top of the class – that’s great! She was a little upset yesterday – I guess no one likes to be bumped down to second place – but she’s real happy for you. I personally think it’s good for her – she needs to take some time away from the books, you know? Go out and have some fun, but she’s so studious all the time! And she’s always down at the hospital, asking questions, wandering around the library. I don’t know where she gets it from – I hated classes, and her dad, well, he’s brilliant of course, but the attention span of a gnat. Have you eaten, sweetheart?”

Sasuke mouths wordlessly at this. “Uh…yes.”

“Well, you look like you haven’t. Do you want something?”

“I just…need to speak to Sakura,” he manages to get out.

“Oh, she’s upstairs. She should be resting, but I bet she’s studying one of her scrolls again. You go tell her to knock it off,” Mebuki tells him. “I’ll fix up some tea and biscuits for you two, okay?” She nods into the hallway. “It’s up the stairs, second door on the left.” When he continues to stare at him, she makes a waving motion. “Well? What are you waiting for? Shoo!”

Sasuke decides he doesn’t want to be subject to another barrage of rambling, and hurries up the stairs, shaking his head.

No wonder she’s so weird, with a mother like that!

He reaches the door to Sakura’s room quickly, and for a moment pauses in front of it. A sudden, overwhelming feeling of doubt hits him, and he wonders if this is what he is supposed to be doing after all. Maybe he should just wait to see her in class…

The idea of being watched apologise to her in front of their classmates makes his skin crawl.

No. Here is good. Simple and quick and then I’ll go home.

And so he takes a steadying breath, and pushes open the door.

There is a brief image of Sakura – her face red, and wet – and is she crying? He did not sign up for her crying, maybe he should just –

“KYAAAH! Don’t you knock?!”

A pillow is tossed at him, and would hit him right in the face if he didn’t duck.

“S-Sasuke?” he hears her say, tentative. When he recovers himself, he sees her face go from indignant to shocked to mortified. “Oh, my – I’m so sorry! I thought you were my mom!”

“So you threw something at her?” he inquires, studying her. He realises the reason her face is wet because it’s covered in sweat; perspiration actually soaks through her tunic. She is also positioning her body in front of something, which he thinks must have held her attention before he entered the room.

When she notices his eyes trying to see around her body, she frowns in consideration, then motions for him to close the door. When he does, she shifts aside, and gestures to the desk behind her. Or rather, what is on the desk behind her.

Sasuke realises that what she’s been hiding is a bird.

A hawk, actually.

It’s right wing is twisted at an odd angle, and some of its feathers are badly bent. The creature is arranged in a makeshift nest of a shoebox, papers and cloth, and every now and then makes feeble cooing sounds. When Sasuke takes a tentative step forward, it turns a distrustful yellow eye on him.

“It flew into my window yesterday,” Sakura explains. “I tried to heal him, but I put too much power into it and had to stop it before I accidentally hurt him. But that kind of knocked me out, so that’s why I wasn’t in school today. Mom’s been freaking out at me because I wouldn’t tell her what happened, but he’s not back to normal, so I thought I’d try again, only a little less because I really don’t want a lecture again and…and why are you looking at me like that?”

He is staring at her in amazement, the kind that only just overrides his usual jealousy, because healing and medical ninjutsu are incredibly advanced and how does she even know what to do?

“There is something wrong with you,” he informs her.

She tenses up. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, how are you real?” he demands. “People aren’t like this, they’re aren’t so…you’re always nice and helpful and how do you have time to be like that when you’re so busy doing stuff like this?”

He gestures to the bird on her desk, which makes a weak noise of indignation.

Sakura smiles now, that odd, almost patronizing smile of hers, like she’s somehow more mature than him. And not just in a four-months-older kind of way, but the way he’s seen his brother and older cousins look at him.

“I study a lot,” she tells him. “Not all of us are born geniuses, right?”

He can’t think of a thing to say to this.

“Was there something you wanted?” she goes on, and then a sharper note enters her voice. “I thought I didn’t exist to you.”

He shifts uncomfortably at this.

“I…might have…I mean…I shouldn’t have…” Sasuke cringes, because it shouldn’t be this hard to get the words out. Taking a steadying breath, he blurts out, “I’m sorry.”

An expression of absolute shock overtakes her features, and he finds – oddly enough – that it’s not a bad look on her. When it morphs into genuine pleasure, a sense of relief fills him.

“I never thought I’d hear you say that,” she says softly, a faraway look flitting through her eyes. “Thank you.”

Sasuke can’t help frowning at this, because this all feels very backward. He feels as if he should be the one who is thanking her. And not just for congratulating him the day earlier.

Why does she always make me feel like things are out of order?

Noticing the way he is watching her, and she prompts, “What?”

“You’re not like any of the other girls,” he tells her, a minor accusing note in his voice.

She smirks at this. “Because I don’t throw myself at you?”

“No,” he insists quickly, the back of his neck turning red because he sort of means ‘yes’.

She laughs.

“I told you almost the first day we started at the Academy,” she reminds him. “I have feelings for you.” This time, hearing those words makes his stomach flip a little. “But I can’t let that get in the way of my training again. I’m going to become the most powerful kunoichi in the world one day. I’m going to help heal people, and protect the ones who are precious to me, and if I’m going to be ready, I have to put in the work now.”

And that at least is something he can understand. The need to become stronger, the need to live up to expectations – either one’s own or one’s family’s.

It’s possible that maybe, just maybe, he and Sakura have more in common than he considered.

“Besides,” she adds, matter-of-factly, “if I’m going to marry you one day, I have to be the best.”

Sasuke’s brain stalls at this, and he has to mentally repeat her words in his head. “…What?”

“Well, you’re an Uchiha,” she shrugs. “They’re not going to let you marry just anyone. I have to be better than everyone else, even all those talented Uchiha girls in your clan.”

Sasuke scowls and crosses his arms. “No one is going to let me do anything. I can marry whoever I want, and even if I cared about that sort of thing, it wouldn’t be you.”

She shoots him a taunting look of disbelief, and he straightens up, fists now clenched.

“In fact, I’m going to become an even better shinobi – much more powerful than you’ll ever be. And then you’ll never be able to marry me!”

It’s not his strongest argument, he’s aware, but he just wants to provoke a reaction.

Instead, she considers him thoughtfully, the way his mother and brother look at him when he is being stubborn or ridiculous. Then she tosses her hair and says, “Well, I guess there’s always Naruto.”

Sasuke sputters out an incomprehensible word, and Sakura dissolves into a fit of giggles.

“Your face – !” she cackles.

And Sasuke his entire body turn warm, and he should be annoyed – because no one mocks an Uchiha – but at the same time, he likes the sound of her laughter. It occurs to him he doesn’t hear it very often – she is generous with her smiles, but he’s never seen her actually laugh around anyone in their class.

Slowly the peals of laughter subside, and she calms herself.

“Don’t worry,” she tells him. “I wouldn’t want you to do something you don’t want. And who says I’ll ever get married? Lady Tsunade never got married and she’s a Sannin. Maybe I’ll be like her. There are worse things.” Something dark and pained crosses her features here, and in a quiet voice she adds, “I just want the people I care about to be happy.” Then she brightens up. “And that includes you, whether you like it or not.”

Without waiting for his reply, she turns around and refocuses on the bird, reaching down with her tiny hands and checking its wing.

Sasuke really has no idea what to say to this.

This girl – this strange, utterly mystifying girl – keeps tripping him up. Just when he thinks he’s figured her out, she says something or does something that completely alters his perception of her.

It’s still utterly annoying.

For once, he wants to say something or do something that puts her off balance. She’s always so resilient, always sure of everything around her, as if she already knows exactly how everything is going to turn out.

Perhaps that’s why he gives in to the first rash idea that comes to mind.

“Hey. Sakura.”

“Hm?”

She turns to face him, and quick as a snake, he leans over, closing the distance between them and pressing his mouth to hers.

It’s a brief peck, and it’s clumsy – he only catches the corner of her mouth – but she freezes, entire body going utterly tense, and he can’t help do the same because he just kissed a girl on the mouth.

He pulls back, half-shocked, half-impressed by his own daring, and stares at her. Sakura’s eyes are wide, and slowly – ever so slowly – her face turns darker and darker, steadily matching her hair.

“S-sasuke,” she whispers, like she isn’t sure how to use her voice, “why did you…?”

“I don’t know,” he snaps, all of a sudden feeling the pressing need to get out of there. He begins to back away from her, narrowing his eyes threateningly. “If you tell anyone…”

“I-I won't…” Sakura still seems too surprised and disbelieving. Maybe, if he’s lucky, she’ll think she imagined the whole thing.

Just in case she doesn’t, however, he jabs a finger at her when he reaches the door. “And this doesn’t mean I’m ever going to marry you!”

Without waiting for an answer, he yanks open the door and runs down the hallway – nearly knocking into Mebuki as she carries a tray of snacks up the stairs – desperate to get out of this weird house, with it’s even weirder women. Away from the strange girl that makes him do strange things.

Out the door and down the road, Sasuke coaches himself to run faster, to not stop until he’s back home where things always make sense. His mouth tingles oddly – not unpleasantly – and he feels the blood rushing to his face. He knows it’s not because he is running.

He doesn’t know what school is going to be like from now on. She might not say anything – he doubts she will, Sakura isn’t the type to embarrass people – but how is he supposed to look at her from now on? Was a brief moment of her being utterly stunned worth trying something so…ridiculous?

He casts his mind back, the image of her shocked, flustered expression permanently imprinted on his mind. A wan smirk of satisfaction tugs at the corners of his mouth.

Yes. Yes it was.

終わり

I hope you enjoyed the story! As part of the SasuSakuFestival, please go to the ssfest page and vote, like and/or reblog, it would be majorly appreciated!

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