#as is habit for the series i love most. none anger me more lol

[roobylavender]

i know you’ve said before fma has a foundation built on imperialism apologia, but if you could make some changes to it to make it. not so. what do you think they would be?

i feel like not enough of the present-day events of the series really took place in ishval without scar being the only focal point of those events. like he was the one going to the ishvalan slums and coordinating the transmutation circle but people like ed and al also needed to go and be confronted with the reality they never actually bothered to face bc their lack of physical proximity to the most devastating effects of the war (despite what they learned about the philosopher's stones it was ultimately a revelation that only served to curb their interests away from use of the stone, it wasn't actually about giving any deference to ishvalan lives or what they deserved in the wake of the war) gave them nothing but the ability to condescend to scar about what he was doing. winry is included in that as well tbh like i love her but when she called scar wanton in briggs i think she deserved to be slapped and i really hate that the entire series more or less refused to have any of the trio acknowledge that scar likely killed winry's parents due to a severe bout of ptsd and inability to cope with the fact that his entire family had died in an explosion and he was the only one left alive. like sure they don't know the details of all of that but they could have guessed why anyone in ishval would have been driven to murder at the time

on the military end of things i think riza should have killed roy lmao.. like i'm sorry but as much as i used to love that scene in the tunnels as a kid it's so corny in retrospect bc who really knows how many times roy will be pushed to the brink and riza forced to hold him down again. he is utterly unchecked with power and delusional enough to believe he is the one with the idealistic vision to save the country like bro it's such garbage and this doesn't even begin to get into the fact that it's cruel to expect riza to serve that position of keeping him in check forever. like the king and lionheart dynamic may have had everyone by their necks years ago but when you really think about not only the political implications but also about how severely it undercuts riza's character arc it's just.. ass, ass, and more ass. i have more coherent thoughts on this as a whole here and here but like yeah ideally i think he should have died and the members of the military who participated in the ishvalan war should have been at the least completely stripped of their titles, if not outright killed for their war crimes. like riza even told ed they expected to be executed so what happened to that lmao.. in the end it never came to fruition and then arakawa added even more insult to injury by having the amestrian military lead the ishvalan restoration efforts as if the ishvalans would even want them there in the first place. like granted they did need resources and to re-establish trade, what war-torn region wouldn't, but that should not have been a military speared effort. the military should have not have returned to power to begin with and the whole country should have undergone a govt revamp

and tangential to that, while i obv do think ed and al deserve a lot of peace after everything they've been through, i really do think it's so naive to act like they get to just go home and ignore everything about the country politically now like no.. no.. i'm not saying they should be involved in govt but like i mentioned in the first paragraph they needed to have more interaction with ishvalans and considering they all knew winry's parents went there and chose to stay there anyway despite the threat of violence i think it would be a good full circle moment to have the trio involved in ishvalan restoration efforts on a local scale like there is so much they could genuinely help with re: alchemy and medical knowledge. not to mention ishval and resembool are literally in the same province like they're NEIGHBORS and to think that the trio never goes there ever is simply hysterical. this is something the anime doesn't touch on bc it's considered minutiae ig but in the manga resembool is actually a quickly growing city prior to the war due to its wool industry and that growth is ultimately stunted bc their major transportation lines are cut off once the war begins. so like. there is a very clear proximity between resembool and ishval and i really cannot believe arakawa never capitalized on it ever like it's like in naruto when kishi decided sasuke and hinata would never interact despite everything about their lore pointing to it making sense for them to interact in a way that would actually significantly reflect on the narrative

[zward95]

11/16/2020

Don Otto Ward Jr. AKA Donnie Baseball

1/11/1970 - 11/15/2020

“He will be cremated and scattered everywhere that I know was special to him. From the pitcher's mound at Morton to Hohokam park in Arizona where he played in the adult world series. And some will be left with his mom and dad....not sure the full details. He failed to stop at a stop sign and was hit. They're doing an autopsy to see if maybe he had a heart attack or something” Bobbi-Jo Ward-Herron.”

I can’t believe that you passed away… there is so much I want to say but idk if anything needs to be said. This grief has been different than anything I have experienced before….. There is so much hurt, and sadness for what never was……...I feel guilty and stupid for having good memories of you, because of all that you did… but it is not my duty to tarnish your reputation in the eyes of others, because you did a lot of good. By the ENORMOUS outpouring of care, that part is obvious. You touched the lives of hundreds upon hundreds of people in positive ways. You were the best coach that hundreds of kids ever experienced, you invited everyone in the community over as if they were family. You were willing to learn how to play chess from a 3rd grader and looking on the internet, so their elementary school could have a good coach. You were supportive of all the different things we did; even if you didn’t understand it, you tried. You were known as the best umpire and the human rulebook by friends and angry fans alike. You took pride in your work, and more pride in the fun you could have while doing it. You loved wildly and exuberantly and expressed it with your time, and with your many...many...words. You showed that it was okay to have many facets: band, science, math, sports, emotions, reading, fantasy, D&D, dirt, cars, tools, dogs, food. You showed the importance in questioning things around you, and how important it is to search for your own answers. That it's better to be wrong about something, because then you learned something. You also beat and traumatized your children, would beat and dehumanize other people to let out your aggression, neglected the wishes of your family, chose drugs and freedom over your children, and showed the dangers of utter selfishness. All of these things are true, for your mixed up, funny, dark, drug rampit, baseball loving life. You actively strived to be the biggest asshole in the room, but also be the funniest guy in the room, so everyone would still want you around. You were so socially skilled that you could both bring out the best and the worst of everyone in a room depending on your mood, yet so awkward, you intentionally ignored your impact on the people around you, as to dodge responsibility.

All the happy loving messages from people are nice, and they are just trying to share in the grief and express their sympathies; but they have made me angry at times. Angry for Matt, who has to see all these people with great memories of you caring and showing love and him never getting to have it. Anger for all the times I was held by the throat and slapped for sobbing, which only made it worse. Anger for all the verbal and psychological torment you put upon me and Chris. Anger for the neglect Matt felt. I haven’t put that to words before but that’s what he is feeling…. Because he was never able to see that great person that is held in the social consciousness of sooooo many people… We only have the guy who would brag about his sex parties to his children, that brought criminals and druggies into his family home and got our house robbed because of his negligence, who cussed out all three of his children, said he didn’t give a shit about them and just would rather not be a dad. Stuck with the memories of me spending weekend after weekend driving back to Hammond to try and protect my family from my dad. He was the guy who, post the divorce, my only contact was to get weed; because I am broke and dealing with my health issues, and he had the best prices. There is so much anger there, because for all the happy stories, he kind of mentally broke us all, and none of us were given that closure. Matt specifically, because he had always held on to the hope that he would one day be able to experience the kind father that so many people say existed at one time.

But for me, beneath all that active anger is a true sadness. Growing up you were my best friend for a long time, as my dad, my coach in EVERYTHING, and I can say now also as my abuser. I think we need to see all the good and bad together and it's okay to acknowledge all the good. He was a great coach that invested greatly in the children of the community. He actively tried to bring everyone into the fold of what we called family. He is the reason I have such a love for debate, because I spent most of my childhood figuring out how to form a good argument, and how to defend that position quickly, because otherwise you would get steamrolled by the personality and the continuous firehose of words that constantly flowed from his endlessly moving lips. He showed me that in order to adapt and work with everyone, it is best to be a jack of all trades so you can help everyone. He loved sports and fixing things and shaped my sense of humor. All three of us siblings have the same eating habits as him, which is one thing I would argue he was right about. He showed that life can be fun, while you are still taking care of business.

He was the Dad to all the kids in the neighborhood who did not have a father figure who was around, and I think that is why it is so hard for us, all of us, because he did all that… and then he didn’t…..

And it hurts to know that it just all fell away, and there is no changing that. It is a little hard for all of us, because IDK if I ever wanted to be friends with him again, but DAMMIT I WANTED TO PUNCH HIM ONE MORE TIME lmao. He would have laughed at that, and happily taken an assbeating if it meant we forgave him though……. Idk if that's true... But he said it before and I kind of believed it….

I truly believe that my father could have been better had he not intentionally thrown caution to the wind when it came to mental health and preventative care. When he started going to therapy, he then would come back from therapy and tell me how great it was to talk with a sexy woman, and that he was really thinking he could just turn those into sex visits. I was frustrated to hear that, because it meant that he did not want to follow through. And the horrible moments when he confirmed that he achieved his goals. He knew his own issues, but thought it easier to highlight everyone else’s issues, instead of address his own. He felt that he could not change, and he was who he was, so he might as well drag everyone down with him, and laugh on the way down….. That’s the sad part of it all.. None of us brothers were surprised to hear he passed. We each had different theories of how it might happen, and during darker moments how we really really hoped it would happen, and would make sure it did if there was uncertainty. It just feels sad, because all the anger comes from experience and wanting the craziness to stop, not from a personal hate, but from watching him change and hurt people. We all had wanted him to keep getting help and to try and address the anger, rage, sadness, anxiety, and self-defeating thoughts that ate him up, and came out in those bouts of fury. And, to some extent, I think all of us held on to the hope that it would still happen, that he would apologize and there would be a big fallout, and then years later he would show up at the parties with Bobbi after getting over being shunned for his dick move; or he might actively come to apologize and make amends, because we had all shut him out due to caution from being burned previously… and none of that happened… and that is sad… because I know it hurt him.

Death and Grief makes me think of theatre and the idea of comedy/tragedy. All the different emotions flying around at the same time: happy, fury, hate, contentment, laughter, sadness, disgust, disrespect, anger, love, melancholy, wistfulness, and all of them are there. The tragedy is that this all happened, that the issues weren’t resolved, that my father is passed and we are left having to deal with all the good and the bad that he did in the world, without a person for whom to direct our feelings. We all just get to sit and deal with our shit. But One thing I do know is that Donnie Baseball loves a good joke. He told them endlessly to anyone who would listen, and whether anyone laughed, or if it was a good joke, made no matter as to whether he enjoyed it. So I know there is comedic spin to it, one that my brother Matt pointed out. He now has to answer to his Mom and Dad, Nana Viv & Bonka Don, for all his bad behavior. And I can only imagine their response when they hear what he did to their house, and to their grandchildren. lol

RIP Donnie Baseball - but I know Viv won’t give you any peace for a while still.

11/17/2020

“He died of blunt force trauma. He either fell asleep or was choking on his chew and morning phlegm and went into the drainage ditch at about 50. He didn't suffer. But if he'd been wearing his seatbelt he'd still be here. Just broken.”

“Well he's had 5 seatbelt tickets in the 5 years we've been together. There's definitely a pattern there” Bobbi-Jo

It is incredible, even to the very end just swimming in irony. He spent his life trying to teach others how to live better, and was the best coach, yet died because he wouldn’t take his own advice. Just buckle your seatbelt. Likely still stoned, waking up in the morning, enjoying his chew, he passed away painlessly. Everyone is sad by this because it is not the death anyone felt he deserved, yet it is pretty much exactly what he wanted. He had talked to me about driving off a bridge and ending it painlessly, and doing something he loved and he did just that.

There is still a lot of anger for Bobbi within me. I know there is more within my brothers because they saw the actual actions and impact she had on him. And yet, She is broken and sad now. They were toxic and not great people, yet they made eachother happy, and were willing to work toward each other's happiness with a desire to understand. I don’t think I can say they were an ideal pair, or they were good for eachother, but they loved each other. They each knew love within the other. And it is sad to watch someone lose their lover. And I am glad that there is someone who will mourn and grieve him like he should, and to direct that process of dropping off his ashes, but damn… But that anger again comes from the desire for him to change, and the childish notion that “she changed him” which I know to be wrong and not how things work. Now it is just a process of trying to move forward. She still had a strong hand in the collapse of our family system, but that was instigated by him; and she did try to show love and affection to us, to an extent. She doesn’t deserve the anger…. She is a sad woman whose lover has passed away….

Everything is crazy, I am both happy and sad that you are gone. I am thankful you didn’t hurt, yet I still wish you could appreciate the hurt you caused. You taught innumerable life lessons to likely thousands of kids by modeling both what you should, and what you shouldn’t, do at different times... Our biggest arguments would fall back to the idea of living in a world of black and white, right and wrong, as to living in a world of gray. I argued that there was no completely good or bad, no complete right or wrong and you’d disagreed. You were very binary in your beliefs, this or that, one or the other, which is utterly baffling, considering that you LIVED in the gray area. So here we are, left living in this world and having to acknowledge all the different shades of black and white within your life. And for me, idk if I can call any of it good or bad anymore….And I wish I wasn’t right…. But this world of gray is important, and just because it's a gray world does not mean we won’t enjoy it.

[lovemesomejungcock]

Connections | Prologue: The Favor

Author’s Note: Hey guys! SO this my my first writing! YAHH BOI. Anyways one day I got some inspiration and just started writing this for fun then I remembered I have a tumblr. I thought to myself “ wait why don’t I put this on my tumblr” I know creative thoughts.  I hope you guys enjoy this series and I definitely plan to continue this if all goes well.  Anyways thank you for reading 

Plot / Summary: 

A connection between two who don’t want to be connected. 

How can you pretend to love someone? 

How do you stop yourself from falling in love with that person?

Yuna is a computer programmer currently living in the U.S.A. . When she goes to a work dinner as a favor for her best friend, she crosses paths with Kim Taehyung. After this “unfortunate” event her family suddenly reconnects, telling her she is engaged to him.

Pairings: That is a spooky secret but I’m guessing if you read the summary you already know.

Warnings:  None yet but who knows for the future *sneaky face*

“You owe me” Jonas shouted through your small apartment, obviously trying to make a point.

“I’m pretty sure I don’t” You replied back matching his loud tone, purposefully mocking him wanting to get a reaction. He walked into the kitchen, where you were dressing a bagel and snatched it out of your hands taking a disgustingly messy bite, then replace it back in your hands

“Hey! That was uncalled for!”

“Then do just do me this favor, please Yuna, I’m begging you”

He leaned against your kitchen counter, his fingers running through his hair, either in anxiety, frustration, or just straight up habit. The pleading look in his eyes made you realize that he was serious about this favor, whatever it was.

“Fine, but whatever it is, you owe me”

“You promise, no matter what it is?” the previous look in his eyes was slowly being replaced with relief.

“Yeah, I guess.” You muttered, through the bites of your cream cheese bagel.  You saw the invisible sweat on his brow disappear.

“Oh my God, Thank you so much” He sighed with relief. After giving you an unnecessary hug he skipped out of the kitchen. Moments later, you followed him into the living room where he had situated himself on the couch scrolling through the Netflix queue searching for something entertaining to watch. You plopped beside him, when it finally popped in your head that you never asked him what the favor he was dying for you to do was.

“By the way, what do you want me to do?” A questioning look appeared on your face. He continued browsing, obviously trying to ignore the subject.

“You can’t back out you promised.” He uttered, not bringing his eyes to your own.

“Is it that bad? Now I’m worried, did you get in trouble or something?” you questioned a small amount of fear, lacing your voice.

“No, I didn’t do anything bad, well actually I shouldn’t of agreed to this but… I might of made a bet in the office that I would bring someone to the dinner party next Friday. And I might have wrote your name down as my plus one” He whispered, as if he was scared someone might hear him.

“What, are you serious!” you complained. You hated the company dinner parties and he knew it. You had become an expert at avoiding them, your excuses always on the believable side. You and Jonas worked in different divisions at the company ; explaining why you hadn’t been extended the invitation, being it it was probably solely for his very large division. You pushed yourself off the couch to stand in front of him, for he had not said a single word. He gaze didn’t leave the screen as he continued to sit there, scrolling mindlessly. He finally looked up to meet your slightly angered, but more annoyed eyes.

“I’m sorry ok, I’m just over the guys using me as a ride home when they are too drunk to function. This gives me a reason, so please go.” Looking him straight in the eyes you saw the pleading look, and you could tell he was desperate. You soften, realizing how much it must suck, as you had been victim to it many times, being one of the reasons you avoided these things.

“Fine, fine but you owe me big time.��� finally agreeing. Jonas suddenly leaped out of the creases of the couch, the worry completely leaving his body and wrapped his muscular arms around you, slightly suffocating you.

“Dude, I can’t breathe. You’ve been going to the gym too much.” you sputtered, overdramatizing your lack of breath.

“Sorry, Sorry” he said backing off, returning to his spot on the couch. You rejoined him, but your mind couldn’t focus. You hadn’t been to one of these functions in a while, and from what you had heard at work, they had changed drastically due to new management. What would you do? Who would you meet? And most importantly…

What would you eat?

Welp there’s the prologue , hope you enjoyed it! I will have the first chapter up as soon as i write it (lol)! Thank you for reading!

[soupwillsaveyou]

That get to know me ask thing- just fuckin do all of them that'll keep you busy for a while. Gotta keep u kids off the streets

u have no chill and u probs dont even care lmao bye

1) What images do you have set for your desktop/cell phone wallpapers?here’s a beautifully cropped out compilation of my desktop, phone and laptop wallpapers

2) Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? i convinced myself i did in primary school but?

3) What was your last text message? I sent my mom a text asking to pick me up

4) What do you see yourself doing in 10 years? Hopefully just drawing a lot and having my life slightly more together than rn

5) If you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be? with my gf and you damn well know it

6) What was your coolest Halloween costume? we dont rly do halloween over here,,,,

7) What was your favorite 90s show? either rugrats or (if that one counts) rocket power

8) Who was your last kiss? my gf bro

9) Have you ever been stood up? ??

10) Favorite ice cream flavor? cinnamon! Definitely, it’s so good!!!

11) Have you been to Las Vegas? my dude i have been no where near america

12) Your favorite pair of shoes? are u rly making me choose fuck. 

13) Honestly, have you ever cheated on your significant other? ,,,dude

14) What is your favorite fruit? idk i like a lot

15) Have you talked to anyone on tumblr that you could see yourself dating/having sex with? If possible? I am dating someone currently that I’m talking to on tumblr

16) Are you into hookups? Short or long term relationships? long definitely

17) Do you smoke? If so, what? no

18) What do you do to get over your anger? rant lmao also like let it out on someone who doesnt deserve it hahaHA FUCK

19) Do you believe in God? idk

20) Does the person you’re in love with know it? uhm…

21) Favorite position? go away

22) What’s your horoscope sign? cancer

23) Your fears? spiders, rejection from loved ones, failing doing what i love

24) How many pets do you have? What kind? currently one bunny! 

25) What never fails to turn you on? justice

26) Your idea of a perfect first date? bro tbh i dont rly care we can just chill at home watching cartoons that’d be amazing. also going out for a movie or food or whatever its all cool

27) What is something most people don’t know about you? everything regarding gender and sexuality really

28) What makes you feel the happiest? chilling with friends, also hugs, god damn, hugs.

29) What store do you shop at most often? if we’re talking about where I legit buy something the most and not like, clothes stuff or whatever. Well. Uhh. Either AH or Hema because I have no self control whatsoever and I will damn well buy food all the time

30) How do you feel about oral? Giving and/or receiving? no

31) Do you believe in karma? kinda? Depends on the situation I guess

32) Are you single? no 

33) Do you think flowers or candy are a better way to apologize? consider an actual apology

34) Are you a good swimmer? I mean? Yes? Maybe? I’ve got my first three diplomas and its not like im super good but im a decent swimmer?

35) Coffee or Tea? I only sometimes like coffee (and mostly like, cappuccino and stuff like that) so tea. Tea is Good.

36) Online shopping or shopping in person? that rly depends but i spent a fortune either way

37) Would you rather be older or younger than your current age? I’m. Chill with my current age actually. Maybe older but only like a year so YOU can shut the fuck up for once about how im so young

38) Cats or Dogs? both are gr8

39) Are you a competitive person? kinda yeah :’)

40) Do you believe in aliens? yes

41) Do you like dancing? my dude i cant dance for shit but i like goofing around sometimes if that counts

42) What kind of music to you listen to? everything and nothing. im a mess

43) What is your favorite cartoon character? dont make me choose you know i cant do shit like this

44) Where are you from? the netherlands

45) Eat at home or eat out? depends

46) How much more social are you when you’re drunk? ive never been drunk

47) What was the last thing you bought for yourself? like the very last thing was a tube of pringles lmao

48) Why do you think your followers follow you? dude i have no idea im a mess

49) How many hours do you sleep at night? that really depends but usually not enough hah

50) What worries you most about the future? having to take care of myself wtf i cant do that

51)  If you had a friend that spoke to you the same way you speak to yourself, how long would you be friends? I have a hard time cutting people off so longer than would be healthy

 52) Are you happy with yourself? not really no

53) What do you wish you didn’t know? idk man

54) What big lesson could people learn from your life? do your damn homework kids

55) If you could live in any home on a television series, what would it be? do you know how many awesome tv series houses there are wtf dude

56) What’s your favorite Website? this hellhole sadly

57) What’s the habit you’re proudest of breaking? i dont recall breaking any tbh lmao bye

58) What was your most recent trip of more than 50 miles? visiting my brother for his graduation presentation that was a little over 50 miles

59) What’s the best bargain you’ve ever found at a garage sale or thrift store? dont think ive ever had a particularly good buy there

60) What do you order when you eat Chinese food? lots of different stuff but i always ask to include egg foo young cuz im a sucker for that shit

61) If you had to be named after one of the 50 states, which would it be? wyoming simply cuz ive never heard of it before and it sounds ridiculous

62) If you had to teach a subject to a class, what would it be? art or history or english probably. Those have always been the subjects i’d choose when i was thinking of maybe becoming a teacher

63) Favorite kind of chips? either regular or paprika probably so basically the basic ones.

64) Favorite kind of sandwich? talking special stuff i love salmon yo

65) Which do you use more often, the dictionary or the thesaurus? i didnt even know the thesaurus was a thing

66) Have you ever been stung by a bee? i mean i stepped on one once 

67) What’s your favorite form of exercise? none

68) Are you afraid of heights? kinda? someitmes i am sometimes not idk man

69) What’s the most memorable class you’ve ever taken? boy ive had quite some memorable classes,,,

70) What’s your favorite breakfast? light crackers with cheese or smthng

71) Do you like guacamole? not rly

72) Have you ever been in a physical fight? im not sure

73) What/who are you thinking about right now? im still trying to remember if ive ever been in an actual fight

74) Do you like cuddling? yes its so good

75) Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? Other than my cluttered ass room and secrets?

76) Have you ever experienced one of your biggest fears? where do u think that fear of spiders came from my dude. also im half experiencing the rejection rn? idk

77) Favorite city you’ve been to? I love Prague!

78) Would you break the law to save a family member? that depends what kind of rule breaking and everyhting we’re talking about,, but probably

79) Talk about an embarrassing moment? my life

80) Are there any causes you strongly believe in? does feminism coount as a cause?

81) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? okay so i mightve broken my nose once but im not sure. Also i almost cut of a toe once. 

82) Favorite day of the week? currently wednesday cuz no school

83) Do you consider yourself sexually open minded? i do but yeah

84) How do you feel about porn? theyre sure having a lot of The Sex

85) Which living celebrity would you like to know? Do Not Make Me Choose

86) Who was your hottest ex? i only have one kind-of ex so uhhh

87) Do you want/have kids? i most definitely do not have any and im not sure if i woudl want any. I dont think so but??

88) Has anyone ever told you that they wanted to marry you? yes

89) Do you get easily distracted? FUNNY THAT YOU ASK THAT

90) Ass or titties? im just letting you know that the first time i read this i read it as ash or titties and im still not over it

91) What is your favorite word? snoekduik and i blame @bleubudgie 

92) How do you feel about tattoos? they can be rly cool

93) Do you have any pets? this is p much the same as question 24

94) How tall are you? 173 cm

95) How old are you? 19

96) 3 physical features you get complimented on a lot? nothing lol

97) Is there anything you’re really passionate about? hah yeah Squadbase and atla/lok and voltron and if we’re gonna go a little serious feminism *whispers* fckng hyperfixations

98) Do you have trust issues? not rly i think

99) Do you believe in love at first sight? im not sure but id like to

100) What are some words that you live by? Why? I don’t thikn there’s something i actively thin kabout and live up to all the time but ‘’do no harm but take no shit’’ is one of my favs (and i have a lot of favs lmao oops)

THERE YOU GO ARE YOU HAPPY NOW

[dekumidoriyall]

One of the hardest things about sharing a space with someone is the transparency that kinda comes with it. It's harder to hide your bad hair days or your bad moods, mostly your truest selves.

However, that's not bad in itself, it's refreshing at the end of it all. During January I was fighting against the current i think (not to say don't fight against every current, there are some you should flow with and some you shouldn't). I didn't want my truest and emotional self to show and it was a struggle coming "home" and it felt like I couldn't unwind. I put home in quotes because at the beginning of the year I didn't call it that just bc it wasn't to me quite yet. Even when talking about it then, I would say the house or something along those lines.

Anyway, I was an emotional wreck in January. There was strife so much in my life and relationships and it wasn't even my truest self, it was the byproduct of not being transparent, of having to be "on" all the time. Which backfired by creating a burnout in me which turned me kinda bitter and I would say one of my least favorite versions of myself that I could be.

God is doing a great work in me though. Although my depression days are some of the toughest (though not as bad as the suicidal depression I used to have), they have lessened since January, and I still feel mentally stronger in some of those moments. The biggest thing however, is God's ability to move and talk through people. And no one has ever been able to get through to me besides that boy, but I honestly think it's a combination of who he is, and most importantly how He is. (capital H means Pops™ [God]) because on one hand, God has opened my heart and ears to be willing to see the weeds Hes trying to pull out of my heart. Causing conflicts to highlight some of the things I can change. I know now I am not bound to who I was or even who I am at this moment, but who I am in Christ, and more importantly who I will be.

And I was struggling so hard to be the jazz that's fun and goofy all the time, and not ever letting myself relax and just be neutral me, that things became chaotic. But God shed light on that and many other things since then. So first there's conflict with the boy which brings to light some shit I was doing. Then god is like hey maybe listen, bc you don't have to be this way.

I literally burnt out so much, not only was i, in turn, not acting like myself, but I was pushing others away. But thank you God, bc the boy was patient anyway and i respect him.enough to take his opinions on me. Bc dad has said some things about me that AJ did, but I don't respect his opinions of me bc he hasn't tried looking past the surface, and the boy does, he sees things a bit more dimensionally, and a lot of people don't.

Once I started treating this place as a home, that there are any facets of me besides fun and good, that I have neutral times too and that I don't have to be "on" all the time, things started progressing. And God started working in me even more. Bc it says in scripture that you can't fix something that doesn't come to light. So by not letting myself be transparent in January it just created more problems plus a roadblock to advancing myself further. So of course I am in no way perfect, but I am striving for a Good Life in the will and ways of God. And I pray even when the going get tough, that I come out stronger and better and honest and transparent.

Anyway March has been a better month except for maybe around my bday when i was EXTRA MOODY ™. I am currently working on better communication and not acting on a feeling.

Example: the highlight of my month so far on the jazz improvement section is that a GIRL called an the other NIGHT and he went all the way outside and the speakers picked it up and this girl isn't even talking anything important, all I hear is all might. And I'm sorry but if you're calling bc you finished a series a boy really liked and talked about at 9 fucking pm, it's cause you kinda like him bc otherwise, send a fucking text. NOW, usually, and what I wanted to do was just get in a funk mood and go to sleep not tell the boy goodnight and honestly, the Lord was like "jazz, that'll make you feel worse, you're gonna have the same discussion you always have with the boy where he gets upset that you're upset and not communicating and then that's TWO problems you'll be upset about. " But He also said "focus on me and my word and my promises" and I was quickly reminded that I don't have to act on what i feel.

So I accepted that I was upset about it, but understood that I shouldn't be. And that I (capital.bold i) get to choose how to handle it. And that is such powerful thinking. So I showered off my bad mood and decided I wouldn't let it affect me in a way that I would in turn hurt myself (mentally or emotionally) or my relationship. And honestly?

I was better for it. Not only did I not cry myself to sleep like I probably would've, I also stopped a cyclical argument that me and ykw have had one too many times. Bc idk if y'all notice, but a lot of y'all's arguments are about the same thing in slightly different ways half the time. And arguments are just a symptom of a deeper issue, like in my case its not really about him being upset that Im upset about his girl friend; but really the underlying issue was that I don't communicate, but I act out in a cold shoulder kinda way (WHICH I AM IN CONTROL OF HOW I ACT, NOT HOW I FEEL). It's a small shift, but redirecting the focus from the symptom to the underlying reason, helps progress things a little better.

And so everyone's a winner when you don't act on how you feel sometimes. I did the opposite, I decided to make some jokes, and be affectionate despite me really wanting to cry. But tbh in the shower I was like if i actually have to fight for the boys attention, it's not worth it. I'm not here to compete with other girls. (God is not going to give me a man who would put me through that, so I know my future is secure, maybe not with the boy but with a man of God. No boy is worth feeling overlooked or underappreciated. No man of God will make you compete for his attention, for some of the fruits of the spirit are love and faithfulness. There's no room for the "fruits" of the flesh like jealousy and anger). So I feel secure in God. And getting to know God better has made a big difference. I know that he isn't circumstancial. HE IS. And that's so good and lovely. He is who he is no matter who I am or who other people are. And He will make all things good, even my mistakes! The enemy thought he won bc Jesus died, but He rose again and defeated death! How good is the Lord! To make what seemed like the worst day, the best thing to ever happen for believers. And God has never not come through. He makes a way where there is none! :) Man I'm all fired up! Lol I guess I kind of went on a Jesus tangent bc I could have never made the decision to not be moody after that call without Him. It was because of my confidence in God (not man or boy) that I was able to act in good faith. And I pray i can handle situations to come like that more often to the point where it's habit :)

[crankstank]

1-100

1) What images do you have set for your desktop/cell phone wallpaper? A cartoon image of Freddie Gibbs on his YOL2 EP cover

2) Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? Not really.

3) What was your last text message? “No” to that stupid bitch Tyler

4) What do you see yourself doing in 10 years? 

5) If you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be? Lol idk

6) What was your coolest Halloween costume? Mike Wazowski

7) What was your favorite 90s show? Ed Edd n Eddy came out in 1999 so that counts

8) Who was your last kiss? My ex

9) Have you ever been stood up? Nope

10) Favorite ice cream flavor? Vanilla

11) Have you been to Las Vegas? No but my coworker wants to take me there on my 21st bday so maybe someday

12) Your favorite pair of shoes? Vans

13) Honestly, have you ever cheated on your significant other? No

14) What is your favorite fruit? Probably either grapes or apples

15) Have you talked to anyone on tumblr that you could see yourself dating/having sex with? If possible? Yeah

16) Are you into hookups? Short or long term relationships? I’m open to anything at this point

17) Do you smoke? If so, what? Weed and the occasional black and mild/cigarette if I get pissed off enough at work

18) What do you do to get over your anger? Depends on where I am. My car I will speed, anywhere else I’ll punch shit, at home usually my bed and at work probably a 20 pound brisket lmfao

19) Do you believe in God? Ehhh kind of??

20) Does the person you’re in love with know it? I’m not in love

21) Favorite position? I’m still a virgin fool

22) What’s your horoscope sign? Leo

23) Your fears? Being buried alive and getting in a terrible car accident

24) How many pets do you have? What kind? 3 cats

25) What never fails to turn you on? If she likes the same music as me

26) Your idea of a perfect first date? Smoke weed and watch a movie or something lmfao idk dude

27) What is something most people don’t know about you? Umm i’m not sure

28) What makes you feel the happiest? Taking a huge dab after a bad day

29) What store do you shop at most often? Martin’s because I work there lmao

30) How do you feel about oral? Giving and/or receiving? I’m down

31) Do you believe in karma? Yeah

32) Are you single? Yeah

33) Do you think flowers or candy are a better way to apologize? If you held me down and forced me to choose, candy, but just fucking use your words. 

34) Are you a good swimmer? Yes

35) Coffee or Tea? Coffee but I don’t really drink either

36) Online shopping or shopping in person? Online

37) Would you rather be older or younger than your current age? Younger

38) Cats or Dogs? Cats but I FUCKING LOVE BOTH

39) Are you a competitive person? Sometimes

40) Do you believe in aliens? Yeah

41) Do you like dancing? When I’m drunk

42) What kind of music to you listen to? Mostly rap nowadays but I’ve been getting into rock, metal, and pop punk again thanks to work!!

43) What is your favorite cartoon character? Denzel from Brickleberry is great

44) Where are you from? Osceola, Indiana

45) Eat at home or eat out? Out if I can afford it

46) How much more social are you when you’re drunk? More than usual

47) What was the last thing you bought for yourself? Pokemon Ultra Sun

48) Why do you think your followers follow you? I don’t know lol

49) How many hours do you sleep at night? Like 4.

50) What worries you most about the future? That I’m not going to amount to anything. I really need to get my shit together

51) If you had a friend that spoke to you the same way you speak to yourself, how long would you be friends? Not long I wouldn’t be able to stand him

52) Are you happy with yourself? Sort of

53) What do you wish you didn’t know? That my mom cheated on my dad

54) What big lesson could people learn from your life?

55) If you could live in any home on a television series, what would it be? The home Sin lived in in Spirited Away seemed minus the witch and baby

56) What’s your favorite Website? Reddit probably. Spend too much time on there

57) What’s the habit you’re proudest of breaking? Ruining everything immediately lmfao it has a 5 minute delay now

58) What was your most recent trip of more than 50 miles? Can’t remember

59) What’s the best bargain you’ve ever found at a garage sale or thrift store? I got Pokemon Crystal when I was 10 at a garage sale. Probably best $5 spent

60) What do you order when you eat Chinese food? I dont

61) If you had to be named after one of the 50 states, which would it be? NEW JERSEY

62) If you had to teach a subject to a class, what would it be? Sex Ed lmfao I would have a field day there

63) Favorite kind of chips? I WANT MORE OF THEM LIL BOOSIE CHIPS

64) Favorite kind of sandwich? HAAAAAAM AND TURKEY

65) Which do you use more often, the dictionary or the thesaurus? Neither I have google

66) Have you ever been stung by a bee? Yeah

67) What’s your favorite form of exercise? Skullcrushers!

68) Are you afraid of heights? Somewhat

69) What’s the most memorable class you’ve ever taken? Astronomy

70) What’s your favorite breakfast? Muffin you stupid bitch I don’t even like breakfast

71) Do you like guacamole? DO I LOOK LIKE A GUACAMOLE MOTHERFUCKER

72) Have you ever been in a physical fight? Yes

73) What/who are you thinking about right now? Food

74) Do you like cuddling? YES

75) Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? Nah

76) Have you ever experienced one of your biggest fears? No

77) Favorite city you’ve been to? They all suck lol Chicago I guess

78) Would you break the law to save a family member? Yeah lmfao

79) Talk about an embarrassing moment? When I was running up to Scott and Brian in 5th grade, only to trip, roll down a hill, and hit my ass on a big metal pole

80) Are there any causes you strongly believe in? Eh nah lol I ain’t deep

81) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? Broken right thumb

82) Favorite day of the week? Whatever days I have off

83) Do you consider yourself sexually open minded? Sure I guess

84) How do you feel about porn? Its fucking fantastic

85) Which living celebrity would you like to know? Freddie Gibbs

86) Who was your hottest ex? lol I have 1

87) Do you want/have kids? Currently I don’t want to have them at all but we’ll see

88) Has anyone ever told you that they wanted to marry you? No

89) Do you get easily distracted? Yes

90) Ass or titties? ASS

91) What is your favorite word? Beef

92) How do you feel about tattoos? They’re awesome. I need more

93) Do you have any pets? Didn’t you just ask this you cunt

94) How tall are you? 5′7 ½? Maybe 5′8 now

95) How old are you? 20

96) 3 physical features you get complimented on a lot? None lol I’m ugly fool

97) Is there anything you’re really passionate about? Music

98) Do you have trust issues? Not anymore

99) Do you believe in love at first sight? Nope

100) What are some words that you live by? Why? Just live your life to the fullest lol like idk when I’m going to die and I’ve accepted I can die by literally just going outside. I could get shot, hit by a car, etc. At work I could get robbed and shot. At home someone could break in and stab me. It’s going to happen eventually. Might as well make the most of it til it happens.

[dahlthir-blog]

    ➜ Irinushka Lollai has been accepted!

Welcome to Dahlthir, me! Your application for Irinushka Lollai has been approved. Since we are in our soft opening we will not be posting roleplay blogs yet but you can send one in for us to keep safe and sound in our inbox!

The character portion of the application can be found under the cut. Boi howdy it’s about time I made a character lol.

Other Characters: n/a

Faceclaim(s) & Series: Petrauchka from Chouritsu Houmuru Zyklus;Code

Character Name: Irinushka Lollai Housing (Please check here for housing options! If joining the Guild, please keep in mind that recruits generally live at the guild.): Guild Age: 22

Appearance (At least 3 sentences. Is there anything that can’t be quite communicated with your face claim? If they’re not actually human, please describe what they are here!):

    Her eyes are her most prominent feature, caramel-colored and unwavering. They stay steady with question, curiosity, or insult and have a habit of flashing, glinting for a second like light on glass, when feeling intensely. It is her eyes that command attention where her height cannot. Standing barely at 5 feet, Irinushka is often looked over until eye contact is established. Though some may notice her quickly in a group, her appearance strange and doll-like compared to some rugged adventurers at the guild.

    She is not human but an echo of a god, the entirety of their swan song compressed into one being. Irinushka’s body is made of her deity’s life, not only the magic but the memories. When injured it is not blood but words and sounds that leave her wounds. Generally, she can be healed like others but until she remembers what she’s forgotten she won’t feel whole. Eventually, it comes back. However, when she attempts to use too much magic whatever spell she is trying to do eats away at her. Irinushka’s eyes will darken and the outline of her body will reveal itself to be moving runes, most certainly indecipherable. These will unravel and feed into her spells and she will disappear word by word. It will take her time to come back from this, the words rewriting themselves until she is solid.

Are they a part of the Adventurer’s Guild? (Recruit or Full Member): Yes, recruit —- How long have they been part of the Guild: newly recruited. At most a few days

Warnings (If there are any triggers in your character’s background please list them here!): none that I know of

Personality (Please list 3 positive and 3 negative traits. Can simply be bullet points or can be expanded!):

- Discontent; It is never enough. There’s always something missing. She doesn’t know if it’s with her or with the world in general. She is rarely satisfied. There is this aimless hunger, this need she cannot direct and cannot stop.

- Clumsy; For a workaholic, she’s surprisingly clumsy and forgetful. It comes, perhaps, from all her wandering thoughts and memories. She needs to be worked or pressed to focus.

- Proud; The bitterness Lollai felt from the people’s ingratitude was passed on to Irinushka. She refuses to lower her head and feels as if she is owed something, anything, maybe an apology.

+ Curious; She wants to understand. She wants to learn. Irinushka will do what she can to get her answers whether it takes days of research or weeks of practice. It is her curiosity that pushes her to better herself.

+ Persistent; What carries Irinushka through a tough task is her persistence. One may say she’s determined, others may say she’s simply stubborn. Her family has taught her that progress may not come quickly but it can only come if one puts in the work.

+ Grateful; Help and kindness do not go unnoticed. Irinushka will show her thanks one way or another. Anyone that has helped her can rely on her whenever they need her help.

Background (Minimum of 5 sentences.):

    Lollai was the goddess of longing, dreams, and lullabies. Her worshipers lived in a land of forests, mountains, and snow. Winter never left completely, sitting always just beyond the doorstep of any season. Perhaps, she was born from the people’s wishes for warmth though burdened by their practicality. Wishing for warmth would not make warmth just as wishing for summer would not melt the snows. So Lollai was made, a minor deity to listen to the people’s wintry desires. She listened to the people’s wants, the aching they had they could not quiet, the dreams they dreamt in the hush of night, and she sang them to sleep or to rest though her words were not always heard. While her presence was comforting, she could not give the people food, she could not shelter them from storms, she could not outright help. She was not the goddess the people needed.

    Eventually, the towns and the villages moved and died. They dwindled, the frontier they had settled in proving to be too difficult, too harsh. Those that knew Lollai left and died and she, their goddess, could not move and could not help her weakening. A god without a people is little more than a tale, a legend, a story, and cannot even be a life. When only a handful of people knew of her and the final frontier town turning towards a decline, Lollai began to sing her swan song.

    A god’s swan song uses the entirety of their being; it is their final act. There is a chance a god can be reborn when people begin to remember them and believe in them but a swan song changes that. The god’s magic and memories are used and rewritten to make a new being: an Echo.

    Irinushka did not have a name when she was created but she knew Lollai. It was as if she had lived every day that the goddess had. She knew her hopes and her disappointments. She heard each praying thought and each bitter whisper. Irinushka knew Lollai before she knew herself but she knew what she was. Echoes cannot surpass their origins. They cannot live longer than the gods they come from, they cannot grow stronger than their god. There is already a known limit and a burden because echoes are made when the original cannot carry on any longer. Lollai had a distinct longing but it was one without a name to be attached to, it was simply a restlessness and discontent she could not shake. And now it was Irinushka’s to hold.

    Her life did not begin until she was held. For a long time, she was only a bundle time passed over in front of a dilapidated shrine most had forgotten. Until held by another creature, time would not touch her. Echoes are generally manifestations of a god’s dying wish or their final thoughts. They were not meant to die unnoticed and alone. So she stayed at the forest’s shrine until she was found by a family of three: Sanya, Yarik, and Feofil.

    They took her in and brought her to Rezavitra, a stubborn town of lumberjacks and survivors. For some time she grew up thinking Lollai was just a dream, some folk tale that took root during her childhood and would not let go. But it influenced her, even if she brushed it aside. Irinushka would not let her father, Yarik, tell her to stay inside. She would battle her restlessness and follow Feofil out into the forest even if the snows were taller than she was. She’d try and sate her curiosity by hiding beneath the town Witch’s window when she did her spells and try them herself. Everyone knew, even before Irinushka knew it herself, that she would leave the town. Yes, she loved her family, the townspeople, the environment but there was also a heaviness that rested within her when she went to bed at night. It felt a lot like disappointment and not unlike disgust. Sometimes, there was anger.

    After accidentally causing all of her family’s cows to fall asleep, Irinushka was taken in as an apprentice by Lyudumila, the town Witch. During her training, she was told that her magic was not like most as it took away from herself. When the lessons got more intense, Irinushka began to experience problems with her memories although the memories she had problems with were not exactly her own. It took a storm for Irinushka to accept she was an Echo.

    This storm was one that buried the town before it was even at its peak. Lyudumila tried to stop it and, for some time, was able to calm it enough for the townspeople to make preparations for a long time indoors. But she could not entirely end it. Irinushka, worried for her master who was facing the storm alone, escaped from her house to support the Witch. She tried imitating the spell and then poured her magic into combining her imitation with the Witch’s. She fed it and fed it until the storm was almost gone, as was she.

    Irinushka awoke two weeks later with her body made of moving runes vibrating with whispers of sound. She had pushed herself past her limits and could not remember parts of Lollai that had been closer to her than her family or herself. She felt weaker and lost but she knew with utmost certainty that she wanted to, she needed to, leave. Lollai disappeared once for the sake of these people and if she stayed she would do the same. After saying her goodbyes and her thanks, she left Rezavitra and took the name of the goddess she had been made from and for to carry it with her.

Level (Please make sure the level you’d like is open!): 2

General Powers/Abilities/Unusual Traits Description (Describe your character’s powers here. Some questions to think about are: What can they do? What is the range and the limit of their powers? How do they use their powers during an ordinary day?):

    Her magic is fairly flexible as she’s basically magic herself but it’s all dependent on sound. She can imitate spells she sees in action but it takes her a long time to feel out the shape of the spell or to find the right note. Easy spells to her are like hitting the right notes in a song and can be done pretty quickly. For harder spells, it’s like she’s sketching her copy of a painting before polishing it up to look as close to the original as it can be. The general rule for an echo is that an echo’s magic cannot surpass the source. So most of her magic is always weaker than other’s especially when copying spells.

    Irinushka builds her spells with sound before she releases them. The spell is like a bucket she wants to fill, the magic is the water, and sound is the pump. However, when the spell is too ambitious, she ends up harming herself.

Specific Powers/Abilities/Traits of Note (Can they turn people into animals? Can they destroy the moon? Please list and describe here the powers you specifically would like us to know.):

    The magic that Irinushka is especially good at is a bit like illusion magic. For example, she can create an illusion of a tidal wave and have it grow and grow according to the amount of magic she gives it and then she can have it crash down on her enemies. Though an illusion, they would take damage as if the wave were real but there would be no water to soak the ground or their clothing. It is a momentary magic. Thanks to Lollai, she excels at magic that has to do with dreams, music, and sleeping. These do not strain her as much as other forms do.

    The biggest detriment to her powers is her stamina. Irinushka can perhaps make one or two ‘big’ spells before the consequences begin to hurt her. If she pushes herself too far, she will end up falling unconscious and start to unravel. Due to this, she mainly sticks to supporting roles, using her ability to ‘feed’ magic to others.

Extra (Anything you’d like say!): n/a

[jennifercascino]

What is the first creative moment you remember? My kindergarten teacher letting me ‘stamp out’ the letters of a poem I wrote, a special project on my own.

Was anyone there to witness it? My mom and my teacher, Ms. Matthews

Best idea I’ve ever had? To be a solid and committed partner to my husband.

What made it great in your mind? It was an idea that regarded, nurtured and cared for all of the best parts of me and my hopes for the future letting me focus on the positive and leave all the negatives behind.

What is the dumbest idea? To leave my mom’s bedside before she was fully recovered because I missed my vapid day to day life in NYC.

What made it stupid? She died and I didn’t get to say good bye.

Can you connect the dots that led you to this idea? yes, a series of bad choices and emotional addictions to fill empty space and loneliness.

What is your creative ambition? To make art that gets out to the public and hear feedback that pushes me forward creatively

What are the obstacles to this ambition? I don’t know how to get it out there and be heard. too many artists, voices, visual stimulation, art noise, lost in the crowd of artists

What are the vital steps to achieving this ambition? keep making art, keep posting art, keep talking to artists, network with people who want to see art

How do you being your day? I wake up to the calling voice of my son, MOM?! I make him breakfast, we get dressed and I pack his lunch while trying to stay on time but make things light and fun. Trying to not make him feel rushed and play while moving forward. Then walking to his school, I go to the gym for an hour.

What are your habits? What patterns do you repeat? Habits: checking social media, strength training, photographing walls, picking my nails, listening to music, drawing all over everything, wine, halo top, watering my plants.

Describe yoru first succeessful creative act? Making tape covers from collage and spraypaint for music mixes for my friends in jr high school and having my art teacher discover them and see them as art when I didn’t know that is what it was!

Second creative act? Starting art school in college and making my first project in the first 2 nights, an illustrated book of Alice in Wonderland. It was fantastic and I knew I was in the right place at the right time, art school was going to be worth a damn.

Compare them. It was really about expressing myself in a new way and having someone validate it. Then expressing myself again in a new way and feeling validated even before anyone saw the art or said a word. I knew it was good and was true.

What are your attitudes towards money, power, praise, reivals, work, play Money: good to have, opens doors, always comes back around, sometimes its abundant, sometimes their is none, have to pay your own way, no relying on others, save when you can but don’t be to frugal as you could be gone tomorrow, enjoy it. Power: I appreciate the people behind the scenes, I do not seek power over others but wish to have enough control/power over myself that I stay strong within the confines of society. It can be so misused, abused, unfair, unjust - especially in politics and social structure now.

which artists do you admire most? Marcel Dzama, Dave McKean, Hannah Höch, Basquiat, Mark Rothko, Jerome Witkin, Ange Miller, Julie Houts, Garance Doré and a lot more

Why are they your role models?They are hard workers, bold, quirky, original, humorous, emotional and brave. They capture wit, lust, jealousy, edge, flair, joy, angst and danger. 

What do we have in common? I try for all of it but only succeed with some things some of the time.

Does anyone in your life regularly inspire you? my son, my husband, my artistic friends, my exercise partners, instagram

Who is your muse? Isn’t that a person that inspires you? I would say my son. or brooklyn.

Define Muse: someone who inspires you?! 

When confronted with superior intelligence or talent, how do you respond? Intrigued, attracted, jealous, magnetized, interested, competitive, hopeful

When faced with Stupidity, hostility, intransigence, laziness or indifference in others, how do you respond? I think living in the city has hardened me against this a bit, yet softened me to not respond with as much passion or anger or protest. I have had some intense and frightening encounters showing my innate responses. I hold back if I have to but talk if I think it could do any good or be received with understanding.

When faced with impending success or the threat of failure, how do you respond? Success: accept what comes modestly but gathering hope. Threat of failure: don’t think I have completely failed at anything yet, always a chance to keep at it, build on the shaky ground, push forward. except lithography, lol, didn’t do so well with that.

When you work, do you love the process of the result? both, time flies during the process and I love implementing ideas as they come to me. The product is important to me as well, I am very protective of it as it is a part of me.

At what moments do you feel your reach exceeds your grasp? Often in parenting, art, learning new work, taking on school, relationships, family issues

What is your ideal creative activity? sitting down to cut up paper/magazines for collage after gathering for new supplies

What is your greatest fear? I will lose my family or my sight.

What is the likelihood of either of the answers to the previous two questions happening? either could happen at any time.

Which of your answers would you most like to change? Always have new artists that I like better and inspire me.

What is your idea of mastery? Working hard, producing a something that fully represents you with skill in insight and sharing it with the world.

What is your greatest dream? I would like to make my son proud to have me as a mother, I would love to create illustrated books for him that he can pass on long after I am gone.

[mytaggss]

9.9.16 (first)

4.15.17 (second)

1) What images do you have set for your desktop/cell phone wallpapers? me and amanda at cowabunga bay- me and katie out the car window

2) Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? no- no

3) What was your last text message? "yes it is"- yea but i still need to shower lol

4) What do you see yourself doing in 10 years? I have a career, leaving near a beach, or near a very nature area, and i am married and have a family.- i see the same thing or something like it

5) If you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be? i would be in hawaii or on a cruise.- same lol or with a friend

6) What was your coolest Halloween costume? my zombie costume sophmore year- same

7) What was your favorite 90s show? idk...- i don’t remember

8) Who was your last kiss? no one- Bruno

9) Have you ever been stood up? no- kind of yeah lol, but he said he fell asleep which to be honest that was probably fucking true, because he slept all the time, but he was too much of a pussy to go on a date with me lol

10) Favorite ice cream flavor? cookie dough

11) Have you been to Las Vegas? yes I live here

12) Your favorite pair of shoes? my nikes- either those or my adidas, or my nude heels or my tan flip flops

13) Honestly, have you ever cheated on your significant other? no, never had one- never really had one so

14) What is your favorite fruit? watermelon- same

15) Have you talked to anyone on tumblr that you could see yourself dating/having sex with? If possible? no- no

16) Are you into hookups? Short or long term relationships? no, long term- probably long term in like real real life, i just like people i get good vibes off of tbh so whatever happens

17) Do you smoke? If so, what? no- i have smoked weed before and i’d smoke it again if offered, but im not an avid weed smoker or anything

18) What do you do to get over your anger? i calm myself down- same or i write it down

19) Do you believe in God? idk anymore, sometimes- eh idk

20) Does the person you're in love with know it? no, well I'm not really in love with them lol. i just like them.- i’m not in love with anyone

21) Favorite position? of what?- missionary for now, its the best feeling, especially when i wrap my legs and arms around him

22) What's your horoscope sign? scorpio

23) Your fears? heights, bugs

24) How many pets do you have? What kind? three dogs- same

25) What never fails to turn you on? well i've never had a person turn me on lol. but i feel like making out would probably turn me on I'm guessing?- making out or feeling me up, or just talking kind of dirty lol (but not in a cringy way)

26) Your idea of a perfect first date? something where we are moving and doing something fun.- same

27) What is something most people don't know about you? i had adhd- something i don’t tell anyone, i don’t even write it out

28) What makes you feel the happiest? when I'm with friends or laughing or dancing

29) What store do you shop at most often? maybe tillys? american eagle? it depends... i shop at a lot of stores.- pac sun, lush, forever 21, victorias secret, urban outfitters

30) How do you feel about oral? Giving and/or receiving? I would suck a dick. I don't know about receiving though, i mean maybe eventually... but like I would feel awkward at first for some reason, maybe a little like nervous idk.- i actually like giving, i was actually told the other day that it was like really good, like he barely believes that that was actually my second time lol. and i wont let him eat me out so lolol, idk i feel like it would be so weird, idk maybe i will let it happen eventually. 

31) Do you believe in karma? eh... i mean not really, but sometimes it just works out that way. so sometimes i do.- ehhhh in some ways 

32) Are you single? yes- yes

33) Do you think flowers or candy are a better way to apologize? flowers lol. flowers are so cute.- i love flowers

34) Are you a good swimmer? sure- yeah i think so

35) Coffee or Tea? probably tea, but i don't really drink either- tea

36) Online shopping or shopping in person? in person, but i sometimes shop online- in person

37) Would you rather be older or younger than your current age? younger of course, why would i want to get older lol?? that means less time to live!- hmm thats a hard one now lol, probably the same age tbh

38) Cats or Dogs? dogs

39) Are you a competitive person? sometimes- same

40) Do you believe in aliens? yes (well of other intelligent life out there, not specifically like little green aliens or something like that haha)

41) Do you like dancing? yes

42) What kind of music to you listen to? all different kinds

43) What is your favorite cartoon character? spongebob

44) Where are you from? henderson/las vegas

45) Eat at home or eat out? both, but lately a lot of eating out cause I'm at college all the time- i like eating out tbh, but sometimes i just really want a familiar food at home haha

46) How much more social are you when you're drunk? i've never been drunk- oh god lol, i am actually a really social person in general, but when i get drunk i am like on level 100 with my socialness and my touchiness and my happiness its really weird. like i am so caring and like i want to talk to people and everything like that lol. 

47) What was the last thing you bought for yourself? lush products/food(but food doesn't really count does it?)- these bralettes from VS

48) Why do you think your followers follow you? none do?

49) How many hours do you sleep at night? like 7 to 8 sometimes 6.- same

50) What worries you most about the future? that nobody will love me or i won't find a career that i like.- same

51) If you had a friend that spoke to you the same way you speak to yourself, how long would you be friends? probably not very long lol.- it depends lol, sometimes i’m nice and sometimes im mean to myself

52) Are you happy with yourself? eh, I'm working on it. i really really am.- same, but i have become more happy recently

53) What do you wish you didn't know? idk- nothing really

54) What big lesson could people learn from your life? That striving for perfection/or to look like someone else isn't important. Being the prettiest or the thinnest isn't important. What is important is to be happy and surround yourself with people you like and do things that you like to do. Seriously, just stop worrying what other people think of you, just be you and if that isn't good enough for someone then seriously fuck them. - same tbh

55) If you could live in any home on a television series, what would it be?i am not sure.- full house seems lit lol, and the nanny seems fun

56) What's your favorite Website? we heart it probably or youtube- or tumblr

57) What's the habit you're proudest of breaking? biting my nails, i went through a little phase.- i haven’t had any too bad of habits lately

58) What was your most recent trip of more than 50 miles? wisconsin- probably wisconsin, i haven’t been many places lol

59) What's the best bargain you've ever found at a garage sale or thrift store? This lulu lemon crop top that was $14 dollars. keep in in mine that they are usually like $50 dollars and up.- yesss

60) What do you order when you eat Chinese food? orange chicken and fried rice or chowmein (usually steamed rice now)- yeahhh or NOODLESSS

61) If you had to be named after one of the 50 states, which would it be? Nebraska maybe lol?- yeah lol 

62) If you had to teach a subject to a class, what would it be? english/environmental science/well actually dance would be first.- or astronomy or psychology that would be cool

63) Favorite kind of chips? sun chips! or snap pea crisps.- same

64) Favorite kind of sandwich? turkey ham- or just turkey

65) Which do you use more often, the dictionary or the thesaurus? dictionary

66) Have you ever been stung by a bee? no- no

67) What's your favorite form of exercise? dancing- or acrobatics/lyra/ pole

68) Are you afraid of heights? yes

69) What's the most memorable class you've ever taken? environmental science or brooklyn jai's classes- or my pole or lyra classes

70) What's your favorite breakfast? pancakes or waffles with my spreads. certain smoothies too.- ooh yes, pancakes are bomb

71) Do you like guacamole? sometimes- it depends

72) Have you ever been in a physical fight? no, well sort of yes actually. kind of with my cousin lol.- lol same

73) What/who are you thinking about right now? maybe getting some more food and how tired my eyes are.- going to haleys house, maybe getting some food cause im hungry

74) Do you like cuddling? i never had, but i seriously think i would like it.- yes its very nice, even though it sometimes gets hot lol

75) Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? nah- nah

76) Have you ever experienced one of your biggest fears? yes

77) Favorite city you've been to? Miami or los Angeles

78) Would you break the law to save a family member? probably yes

79) Talk about an embarrassing moment? lol i can't remember any off the top of my head. i try really hard to forget them so they don't come up unless i really really think. so i got nothing.- lol NOO

80) Are there any causes you strongly believe in? wild life preservation and environmental type things. As well as like animal sanctuaries- same

81) What's the worst injury you've ever had? pulled hamstring or straining my foot muscle or whatever.- same

82) Favorite day of the week? saturday

83) Do you consider yourself sexually open minded? maybe a little, well sometimes. idk in my mind cause i've never had sex so.- hmm it depends what you mean, i am open to talking about it with other people and stuff like that but i don’t want to weird stuff, i am pretty normal when it comes to that

84) How do you feel about porn? not really a fan to be honest, its kind of gross. but I'm not against it, i just don't watch it.- ehh its okay, i don’t really watch it anymore because it freaks me out a little haha

85) Which living celebrity would you like to know? idk- lana del rey prob

86) Who was your hottest ex? don't have one- don’t have an ex

87) Do you want/have kids? yes i want them- yes

88) Has anyone ever told you that they wanted to marry you? no- no

89) Do you get easily distracted? yes- yes sometimes

90) Ass or titties? ass lol

91) What is your favorite word? idk- fuck

92) How do you feel about tattoos? they are ok- i like themm

93) Do you have any pets? yes

94) How tall are you? 5'6" or 5'7"

95) How old are you? 18- 19

96) 3 physical features you get complimented on a lot? nothing really lol. nobodies complimented me lately. like i don't get many compliments to be honest. usually on my clothes sometimes i do. i got one on my eyes recently even though hater how my eyes are (except the color, but thats not what they were complimenting) but yeah yikes lol. Sometimes i get compliments on my body when i wear certain things? i just don't remember compliments maybe? idk.. cause like barely any from my whole like come up. (but i know i've had some)- i get complimented on my eye color, my stomach, and my ass

97) Is there anything you're really passionate about? dance- being successful, having fun and having experiences, and my acrobatics and dance

98) Do you have trust issues? no- hmm i don’t think so

99) Do you believe in love at first sight? eh, i think there is like lust at first sight lol. but love is something that is gained lol.- nah

100) What are some words that you live by? Why? uhhh- if its meant to be, it will be

[drashleighreid]

all of them :)

Sorry it took me so long to answer these lol1) What images do you have set for your desktop/cell phone wallpapers?My lock screen is sasha and my home screen is sandra lol 2) Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?did my horrible embarrassing crush on my gi count lmao 3) What was your last text message?me asking my mum how her day was going lol 4) What do you see yourself doing in 10 years?I wanna be living in LA working on movie sets or a studio in any capacity possible !! I'm !!! 5) If you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be?honestly ?? Nowhere LA is just..... 😭😍 I wanna be here forever and always 6) What was your coolest Halloween costume?I haven't done Halloween a lot so probably Alice in wonderland. I have a lot of cool ideas but never really get the chance 7) What was your favorite 90s show?SO MANY!! maybe friends?? But also Rugrats cat dog the nanny the x files Daria Arthur Sabrina ??? What a time to be alive 8) Who was your last kiss?umm?? I think someone in a club tbh lmao 🤷🏻‍♀️9) Have you ever been stood up?Uh not really?? I've gotten completely ready for something then had friends flake on me 10) Favorite ice cream flavor?Cookie dough!!!!11) Have you been to Las Vegas?no :--( I need to tho!! Gotta go to that flagship Taco Bell !!! 12) Your favorite pair of shoes?Luv my Adidas or my birks!! 13) Honestly, have you ever cheated on your significant other?No14) What is your favorite fruit?Mango!!!!15) Have you talked to anyone on tumblr that you could see yourself dating/having sex with? If possible?I don't think so 16) Are you into hookups? Short or long term relationships??? Who knows depends on the person 17) Do you smoke? If so, what?no. Sometimes w if it's available but very rarely 18) What do you do to get over your anger?listen to music and lay down, go for a drive, work out. 19) Do you believe in God?to some capacity. I'm more agnostic than anything. 20) Does the person you're in love with know it?No bc they're all celebrities who don't know who I am 21) Favorite position?Sleeping22) What's your horoscope sign?Scorpio 23) Your fears?I'm claustrophobic and have a fear of vomit and cockroaches lmao 24) How many pets do you have? What kind?None :---( 25) What never fails to turn you on?what 26) Your idea of a perfect first date?something fun!! Something active and cool!! Something where you can talk maybe like an arcade or smthn 27) What is something most people don't know about you?hmm.. a tough one. can't share all my secrets 28) What makes you feel the happiest?Travelling!! Airports!! Really good food!! Dogs!! 29) What store do you shop at most often?Probably target lmao 30) How do you feel about oral? Giving and/or receiving?👍🏼31) Do you believe in karma?Yes binch 32) Are you single?ye 33) Do you think flowers or candy are a better way to apologize?Flowers34) Are you a good swimmer?I won't drown but I probably wouldn't win many races either 35) Coffee or Tea?Cawfee!! 36) Online shopping or shopping in person?Depends on my mood and what I'm shopping for. I like both. 37) Would you rather be older or younger than your current age?I like my current age!! Younger if I could fix some shit ,, older if I'm where I wanna b then 38) Cats or Dogs?Doggos!! 39) Are you a competitive person?Depends on the thing. I'm lowkey competitive I won't #fight but I secretly rly wanna win everything 40) Do you believe in aliens?yes!!! Especially today !! Intergalactic alien day 41) Do you like dancing?Yes!! 42) What kind of music to you listen to?All kinds !! My music taste is a MESS 43) What is your favorite cartoon character?I relate to Lisa Simpson 44) Where are you from?nowhere bitch !! ?? I'm from Aus this question is weird tho rn bc I'm in living limbo n dont have a 'home' !! 45) Eat at home or eat out?Eat out!! Or get take out and eat at home watching Netflix 46) How much more social are you when you're drunk?A bit more depends on my mood n stuff and who I'm around 47) What was the last thing you bought for yourself?Taco Bell lmao 48) Why do you think your followers follow you???? no clue tbh ,, I feel like a lot of the followers I have now are just og from the vivaziva days 49) How many hours do you sleep at night?Can't function without 8-9 hours of beauty sleep !! 50) What worries you most about the future?not accomplishing my goals or being successful !! Not being happy or content ever w who I am and what I'm doing w my life !! 51) If you had a friend that spoke to you the same way you speak to yourself, how long would you be friends?we'd b friends she cool and tries to keep me in line52) Are you happy with yourself?there are things I can improve on. I'm not sure I'll ever be satisfied but I can keep trying and someday I'll b there 53) What do you wish you didn't know?The plot lines of my fave shows movies and books so I could experience it again. 54) What big lesson could people learn from your life?That life is ab priorities !! 55) If you could live in any home on a television series, what would it be?Hmm !! Maybe the friends apartment ,, or Mauras house !! Or Gabrielle's house from desperate housewives ,, 56) What's your favorite Website?Fanfic dot net 57) What's the habit you're proudest of breaking?Idk ??? people pleasing 58) What was your most recent trip of more than 50 miles?Does flying count ??? MCI-LAX 59) What's the best bargain you've ever found at a garage sale or thrift store?hmm?? Probably some jackets. I'm not good at finding bargains 60) What do you order when you eat Chinese food?I don't like Chinese food... I'll make stir fries at home w rice and veggies n a spicy sauce 61) If you had to be named after one of the 50 states, which would it be?The only one that doesn't sound awful to me rn is alaska lol. 62) If you had to teach a subject to a class, what would it be?English !! 63) Favorite kind of chips?Tortilla bitch 64) Favorite kind of sandwich?Veggie patty!! Or avocado on toast if that counts 65) Which do you use more often, the dictionary or the thesaurus?Thesaurus 66) Have you ever been stung by a bee?Yea67) What's your favorite form of exercise?Martial arts or dancing 68) Are you afraid of heights?no69) What's the most memorable class you've ever taken?umm... at school prob gender studies but my immediate thought was this bikram yoga class I did like 5 years ago that was like a masterclass taught by some important dude and when we were meditating at the end he was talkin ab how we should imagine ourselves floating in the perfect temperate water and the sky is filled with stars and they're reflecting off the water and ur just surrounded by stars everywhere and the water is lapping at ur skin and it's peaceful n beautiful and it just rly painted a picture for me and it was such a #moment that I always remember how euphoric I felt in that moment meditating and imagining what he was describing and every time I'm stressed or am meditating or just laying in bed I picture that I'm floating in this big ocean surrounded by stars and it's just stuck w me for a long time 70) What's your favorite breakfast?Acai bowls !! Or avocado toast !! 71) Do you like guacamole?BITXH yes .. so much72) Have you ever been in a physical fight?When I was like 10 lol 73) What/who are you thinking about right now?Doing this thing but I immediately thought of Sasha a bc I was looking at pics of her before this to put on to customised popsockets I'm thinking of getting lol 74) Do you like cuddling?Depends on my mood 75) Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?Probably 76) Have you ever experienced one of your biggest fears?Idk I'm claustrophobic and I used to be moreso than I am now and I used to nearly have panic attacks when taking off on flights bc I knew I couldn't get up and off the plane. I don't get those anymore on flights but I still avoid elevators and things like that if I can. 77) Favorite city you've been to?LA !!! Or London 78) Would you break the law to save a family member?Maybe 79) Talk about an embarrassing moment?ummmm. Probably something in school . I can't think of anything super embarrassing that's happened to me recently I'm not rly fazed by a lot. I'm most embarrassed just thinking of the person I was like 2-3 years ago lol 80) Are there any causes you strongly believe in?Veganism!!! 81) What's the worst injury you've ever had?Knock on wood I've been very fortunate in my life w injuries. All I can think of is when I was in eighth grade I used to bike to school w a friend and when I was pedalling up this rly steep hill my gears fucked up and gave out and my foot slipped off the pedal because I was pushing so hard and the pedal ground up the back of my foot and ankle and leg and I got a huge scrape on the front of it as well form the road and I still have a big lumpy scar on the back of my ankle from it lol 82) Favorite day of the week?Idk or care tbh !! Sunday maybe bc there's an aesthetic 83) Do you consider yourself sexually open minded?yes 84) How do you feel about porn?I feel like this requires like a novel length response. The industry is problematic in certain ways but the practice of watching it is fine 85) Which living celebrity would you like to know?Sasha Alexander !! 86) Who was your hottest ex? no one on here would know anyone I'd say anyway?! 87) Do you want/have kids?not really, not right now, maybe someday,88) Has anyone ever told you that they wanted to marry you?well 89) Do you get easily distracted?I get bored quick 90) Ass or titties?Ass91) What is your favorite word?Colloquial 92) How do you feel about tattoos?Luv em!! Too indecisive for any but they're cool to look at lol93) Do you have any pets?Not personally...... yet 94) How tall are you?5'6.595) How old are you?2296) 3 physical features you get complimented on a lot?Umm ,, eyes, hair, and boobs probably lmao 97) Is there anything you're really passionate about?Veganism !! ;) also movies/tv shows, travelling, middle aged actresses 98) Do you have trust issues?Somewhat 99) Do you believe in love at first sight?Never experienced it but that doesn't mean anything 100) What are some words that you live by? Why?'The cure for anything is salt water; sweat, tears, or the sea' bc it's tru I grew up near the ocean. Also 'if you always do what you've always done you'll always get what you've always got' also truThanks so much !! xx