#as if i was able to do something worthwhile | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

moki-dokie · 2 days ago

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there's been a bit of a Hot Topic going around bsky (and twt too i guess) about why my age group (particularly in the US) doesn't cook at home much anymore

and there's been a whole lot of takes ranging from dogshit to good and intelligent to total confusion from folks in other countries. neat stuff right. decided to throw my 2 cents in from my own perspective as part of the demographic.

the tldr of it being: there are *several* factors that make it not worth it nor cost efficient anymore where it once was. obviously that isn't gonna be the case for everyone, but it is the case for an overwhelming majority, me included. and this isn't even including, you know, a whole population of disabled people who are physically unable to cook for themselves but I sort of figured that was a given. but maybe not, considering...

then this absolute genius comes in

thank you buddy for having no reading comprehension and missing quite literally every single point i made that it isn't strictly about the dollar amount of the meal itself. like. okay??? good for you i guess.

sure, there will be some meals where that is very true. I could make a bigass pot of ham and beans that'll last me a whole week for about $10. hence why i added there will always be some meals cheaper to make at home. but that completely disregards every. other. point.

it is not, and has never been, about the direct cost of the meal itself. that's just one of a handful of reasons that factor into the whole conversation. there are going to be times that eating out will be more expensive price-wise, but when it checks off like 5 different boxes i couldn't fulfill myself for whatever reason, that price balances out. and we really are in an age where we're having to negotiate the worth of every action we take and every minute we spend on something. i don't know why thats such a hard concept for people to grasp.

legit nobody is arguing it *should* be this way. it shouldn't. we all recognize this. in the ideal world it would be both worth it and affordable to make every meal at home and leave eating out for special occasions, as was the case when i was growing up. and i totally get it that our parents, many of whom raised us by their lonesome, managed to do it fine so in theory we should be able to as well. sometimes, yeah, it really is a matter of sucking it up and doing it no matter how exhausted you might be. that's true for all facets of life tbh. but it shouldn't be that way all the time every time.

and, i don't know about the rest of you, but for us? it really was a whole fucking To Do to clip coupons and plan Shopping Day. I'd spend a couple hours clipping from a few different newspapers and the mail fliers we collected. then we organized them by store. then mom would plan out which stores we would go to for which items,the route we'd take since sometimes it meant going outside of town, the timeframe for everything since it was typically an all-day event. like, a whole day of planning and a whole day of executing JUST to grocery shop, and that was back in the 90s/00s. Inconvenient, yes, but still actually worth the trouble. couponing saved SO much money back then, especially if you knew the stores that would double them. coupons like those don't exist anymore. period. now the ones that do are like, pennies off or bogo deals and otherwise it's app this and app that for any sort of savings - which even then might only be like a meager 10% off the purchase. in no way is it worth my time and effort today to do the same thing we did when i was young.

anyway. so yeah. for a hell of a lot of us, sometimes going out to eat or ordering in is in fact the most worthwhile way, and sometimes even the most cost efficient way, to feed ourselves anymore.

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benchwarming · 3 days ago

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i meant to reflect a bit before the end of 2024 about the experience of quitting my job last summer, but then my holidays were disrupted by norovirus AND conjunctivitis 🤪 so i didn't get around to it. until now!

i quit my job in august. i'd been at a startup for 6.5 years and had no plans to leave, buuuut then we were acquired in '23 by a big multinational firm. i won't get into all the ways that our new parent company eroded what had been to that point a pretty good place for me to work, but man, it fuckin sucked.

i was admittedly sensitive to it because "toxic legacy corporation led by sociopaths and staffed by mediocre assholes" was exactly the environment i was escaping when i'd joined the startup. but having to kowtow to a new c-suite of boomer-brained idiots with no sense, strategy, or discipline at a company i never wanted to work for in the first place was excruciating. especially bc i then had to turn around and try to make the best of their idiocy for a team of people* looking to me for reassurance and motivation.

i've never quit a job without having my next one lined up. it took like a month to admit to myself i was serious about the idea. then another month to be convinced by friends and fam that i was allowed to quit. then a few business days to calculate how long my finances would hold up. then another month to figure out what would have to happen for me to actually go through with it.

but of course something did happen, and i did quit. it was very scary!!! and i felt so guilty leaving my team. but i was able to kick off some freelance copywriting work right away, and a freelance consulting project came my way after that, and more things popped up after that. and while i have a lot to learn yet about how to make freelancing a sustainable long-term career, i'm extremely confident that it's worth it to try, at least for a while, bc uhhhh i am. SO much happier?!

i don't think it hit me exactly how much work i was doing, or how hard i was pushing myself to stay on top of it all, until i didn't have to do it anymore. i'm still getting used to that honestly. for the first few weeks i'd jolt awake worrying i'd forgotten something on my to-do list or automatically pull up zoom bc i felt sure i had a meeting to attend.

in comparison to that garbage, freelancing has been easy breezy. but i don't mean easy like mindless, i just mean like - i'm able to dictate the terms and scope of the work, and as a result it doesn't feel like "stuff i have to do" so much as "stuff i'm working on." that may be a distinction without a difference for a lot of people but it's turned out to be a pretty big deal for me: if i gotta work to live (and right now i do), then getting to call the shots and fully own the results makes it easier to conceptualize the work as an opportunity (fun! interesting! good use of time!) rather than an obligation (annoying! inflexible! standing between me and fun stuff!). and after years of managing a team it's such a relief to be responsible only for myself again.

of course the other thing i had at that job was a good salary. and i won't lie, i really miss the money. but i think i can get my income back up in that ballpark by the end of 2025 if i play my cards right. and even if i don't, i know now that enduring corporate agonies for that kind of money is no longer a worthwhile tradeoff for me.

since quitting there have been moments where i've felt dumb for not realizing sooner that freelance would be a better fit at this point in my professional life than a staff job. but i went into 2024 knowing i needed to take some kind of step forward in my career, and i did, and i learned stuff about myself in the process, and now i hate being alive at least 25% less per day than i used to. and that's sort of the whole point of everything, right?**

*by december, 80% of our department would be laid off, and the few left over would be desperate to leave. a really unfortunate end to an incredible marketing organization.

**of course now my therapist is like "so since 2023 was your Living Situation year, and 2024 was your Career year, does that mean 2025 is going to be your Relationship year?" and ughghghfhfhgf. like she's right, but. ugh. but she's right! but UGHHH

#v sorry for the long post but i cant figure out how to add a read more on web???#bench thoughts

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golden-stag · 2 months ago

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I know I'm like, one game away from meeting him for real and I probably shouldn't be speculating on a character I don't know yet.

But I have been thinking about *Sin* recently... in terms of like, this kid has to be in near constant pain, right? It might be a little mitigated by him being part gear, but I can't imagine growing so fast wouldn't be excruciating... Especially since he'd be more human than gear (if that train of thought applies here-)

This kid is going through body horrors not previously conceived by my mind I'm gonna. Throw up on the carpet.

#I'm pretty sure the humanoid gear characters aging like they do was to keep the timeline tight but I keep thinking about the Rammys...#don't even get me started on his family-#I dont think Dizzy would be too affected because she herself is a gear who grew up fast (I do wonder about her as well with growing pains)#but thinking about Ky is messing with me...#hes just. a human man... if Ky ever thought about having kids before Sin I can't imagine how rough seeing him grow up so fast would be...#especially since I think Sol raised Sin for most of his life #Sin is 5... and almost fully grown... if I was his dad I wouldn't be able to wrap my head around that #he should be a toddler! how long was Sin even a toddler for? weeks? days? hours??#christ-#I might delete this post later I'm not very confident in this being any worthwhile analysis #it's just something I've been thinking about-#yappin'

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anonymusbosch · 28 days ago

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oh no, i established myself as Capable Of and Willing To Perform some minor annoying administrative tasks at work and now am being tossed additional requests to perform said tasks

i know that in a strict financial view it makes sense to spend 20 minutes of junior engineer time on mundane-annoying-task than 20 minutes of senior staff engineer time but have you considered: I Don't Like It

#something i am pondering whether it is wise or worthwhile to communicate #my internal terminology is 'I'll do it for a Scooby snack' 'this is a two Scooby snack request minimum“#this is not what i articulate externally. yet .#the upside is learning how to use a variety of different systems and making connections with more people #both in a human to human perspective and in a like #the downside is I'm Being Asked To Do Things That Are Annoying.#there's also a like. gendered aspect of this that rubs me the wrong way a little #in so many mech eng spaces I've seen a tendency for organizational/logistical/annoying work to be disproportionately uptaken by women #women (and bosch) (trans)#getting clocked as trans for my object-organizing + project management + administrative task tendencies. or something.#the tendency maybe esp of senior engineers to consider the organization/admin/logistics not ... 'part of the work' or 'part of their job'?#or smth best handed off to someone more secretary-coded #idk i view org/pming/admin as crucial to Making Things Get Done and also everything is an opportunity to connect with someone #both in a human to human perspective and also like.#if i do need to call in a favor it's coming from me as someone who has had positive interactions + will lend a hand with something in return #like. the mycorrhizal network.#it's 4 AM and i am Not sleep. take this all grain of salt style #maybe the temporary view I can take is that i am getting more chances to build that myconet #the upside again is that if person-who-asks-tasks says “oh such and such can't be done/will take forever” i am sometimes able to #*jean luc picard voice* make it so #we'll see

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orchid-n-petals · 1 year ago

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I will say, I think a lot of people make the Anders-Gale parallel for the wrong reasons and consequently a lot of people are angry at these people for the wrong reasons.

These two characters are similar, but not because of the "ohoho magic man+explosions" narrative. No, not at all; they have very different stories behind their explosives and I think comapring them from this specific angle does BOTH their stories a huge disservice. It erases huge chunks of their characters.

What they both have in common is being condescending (sometimes deliberately, sometimes not, but condescending all the same) and throwing themselves at you quickly and willingly (which every single other love interest does in BOTH games but only these two seem to be getting shat on for it). These characters are the exact same flavour in this regard, and that is why a lot of people see the similarities. The bomb-wizard parallel is obsolete due to the reasons behind either narrative and their possible resolutions.

These characters ARE similar and people are not superficial or obtuse for seeing these similarities (all the while acknowledging the differences between them, of which there are just as many). Just very much not for the most discussed reasons.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #gale critical #dragon age 2 #da2 #anders critical #I am personally not a fan of either of them but I do have basic media literacy and I am also able to look at the technical level of these #characters and their writing without hating them. I also think fandom would benefit from being able to engage with in-game materials with a #critical eye while enjoying the presented material. I can literally pick apart every character and criticise *something*#that doesn't mean somebody is a hater. I just think it's beneficial not to be blindly obsessed and it also makes engaging the games much #more interesting and worthwhile.#I have a lot of thoughts about fandom reactions to character criticism in general but that's for another day

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end-orfino · 9 months ago

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ahhhhhh i remember why i dont read comics & books and watch movies as much as I should. Because they make me lose it

#i get suddenly hit with a tsunami of inspiration and an urgency to Make Something #but the urgency isn't about the process of making it's about I Have Stories To Present Too. I have to See Them Realized.#and that hit of urgency is obviously far too short lived to make anything. esp since it comes in a set with a feeling of 'wow this-#-thing was so great' that transforms into intensified perfectionism of No No What Im Doing Here Isnt Good. What Is This. Disgrace-#-to my idea AND to what inspired it AND to my self proclaimed status as an amateur storyteller #which turns into artblock. so like low chances that ill even get a singular good drawing made during this #and the multiple comic or script or whatever ideas that appear in my head during this are out of the question entirely #oh and all of this appears next to the normal feelings caused by a good story like attachment to the characters and having to process it-#-for a while and if its very good then even sometimes rarely i get the need to make fanart #so all of this combined just leads to me not being able to do anything for a while and feeling awful about it.#fun./sar #i wish i was a normal artist people here are so resilient and do stuff even though they dont want to or they DO want to #because idk they enjoy being pissed bcs of a thing not turning out right and they dont mind how tedious it can get-#-and they enjoy sacrificing hours&days&months of their lives without a guarantee that anyone will appreciate it accordingly and itll pay of #its probably the resilience though #im weak like a dried twig both mentally and physically #this sounds like i never enjoyed drawing&writing ever. and to clarify thats far from true. i frequently enjoy it #just never frequently enough and consistently enough to actually make something more 'worthwhile' or linear #it's like a wind that comes & goes that i have no control over.#i try to keep telling myself that in the past i struggled to make anything 'bigger'....& know i even made animatic shitposts #this sounds so stupid god. an animatic shitpost being an achievement.#its not an art skill achievement its a fighting tooth and nail with my own self to actually finish it because its a struggle almost every-#-time achievement #what im saying is im trying to tell myself that i already improved. im doing more than i could have done in the past.#even if the process is so slow and i dont know when ill advance again #if ill advance again. i just gotta believe i guess? thank u parappa

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thedevotionaltour · 7 months ago

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I SHOULD HAVE GONE INTO RADIOOOOOOOO

#the only benefit of art school is MY FRIENDS!!! maybe i would be better at art now if i hadnt gone bc i could have kept it as a hobby...#but i do love everything i have learned. i really do. unfortunately i think more than anything i am just bad at existing and doing things #i used to be able to do things. in high school. existing i still wasnt good at doing that there either. but at least i did things on my own #and at the time felt i was good at them. now im just bad at existing and doing things and do nothing worthwhile that i love anymore #oh it sucks to have this realization every other day. to just know you are very bad at what you wanted to do so badly. and just feel like #all you can do is give up on it. i know i shouldnt. but it's very hard not to want to. when you see everyone else around you getting better #and still doing art on their own time. and you see your own stuff and realize you have gotten worse. dont progress. and cant even do it as #hobby anymore. when you see how far behind you are from everyone else and see how your work has lost confidence it just sucks badly. yknow #i wish my brain worked better desperately bc i do think that is part of it. but im just lazy. and bad at this. and have no drive for anythi #im not very good at any of this overall. and it makes me sad. im the only thing in my way of what i want but i dont know how to move forwar #oh well. one day something better will come my way if im lucky. if i do better. one day i'll do better. i hope. i really really hope.#static.soundz #vent.txt #SORRY i got whiney and self pitying in my tags even though i said i wouldnt well unfortunately I Am Not Strong and need to make posts #bc this is my diary where i say everything ever good and bad beneficial and detrimental bc what else should i be doing with this blog huh

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numetalkids · 7 months ago

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*inhales*.....................DEEP SIGH

#i'm exhausted #i have a job interview this week which i should be grateful for but i'm still so unsure about what i want in life #and i'm so scared of making wrong choices like i'm terrified #and the company seems kind of conservative in its structures and culture i mean apparently there are low hierarchies but #they make their whole deal about 'family' and then there are almost only men working there which is like ughhh like the ratio is ridiculous #and the thing is i found another job offer at my local library and i would just so love to work there!!!! i will definitely apply this week #i'm just scared that i'll do well enough during the interview that they will actually want ti hire me and then i can't say no #bc i didn't even expect them to reach out to me in the first place so i guess my application was better than i thought #so now im'm debating whether i should take the chance or sabotage the interview so that i get to try really hard for #the application for the library job instead #i sound ridiculous being upset that an employer is showing interest in me like what a privilege to be able to turn that down #at the same time. like thankfully there is financial support from the government so i'm safe in that regard atm but it's really not much #and i also don't want to be in this state of unemployment for too long #and yet...i want to just spend my days doing something worthwhile? maybe i should just be grateful that i have the privilege to choose betw #different jobs and try to take advantage of that fact and opt for the offers that speak to me rather than cry about it #god i'm so stressed this is my first time in life where i can't rest assured that the upcoming years will follow the same routine #like how it was when i entered uni like i just knew 'alright i'll be studying for at least 5 years and then we'll see' and now #it's like i don't know what i'll be doing next month or in half a year or next year or in five years #the uncertainty. killing me. that's how i know i grew up way too protected cause i break under the slightest inconvenience god #alright crying rant over from now on i'll be growing up for real 👍#personal

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digirainebow · 1 year ago

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i didn't think jacob would be arguing with olivia, wanting it almost as much as her. what the hell. i expected the self defeated, taking one for the team attitude but actively needing it like her? when he had been trying to stop her all night? i feel like i've been blasted by a buckshot

#digi discusses #the world needs more jacobs and i just took him out of it #did he go back to being a kid again? to see the lights of possibility again?#to feel like he's doing something exciting and worthwhile again not by making art but by being “freed” by maggie's knowledge once more?#or did he. choose another timeline entirely? augh i'm gonna have to watch the ending back again...where did he go...#maggie would be turning in her graaaaaave to know he chose this. she would hate that for him she would h a t e it #the anna parallels. stuck between time only able to hear him on radios if you are lucky. fuck off #becoming an urban legend...i think he would have liked that. immortalized just like he wanted. ugh wait did riley do that for him #but the details getting lost his name becoming warped over time? i think riley (and i) would feel it was almost disrespectful to his memory #the fact he puts meeting riley on the same pedestal as saving camena. god god god god. even when they aren't friends they are.#riley talking to athena like a person like he did. i am MISERABLE #its the dys exocolonist thing all over again. he's happy and that's...good. but he could have been just as happy if he'd stayed too #every single time i think about the hug i'm going to cry #every single ending has done this to me there is literally no winning #being kinda mean to him was bad enough but this ending just feels! it feels like riley. like i. drove him to.#girl i need to log off bye #oxenfree II spoilers #yeah there's the essay. just took a minute #i will make another one about hurt healed olivia in a bit too because that. made me sob. that one hit really...close to home #he says when he was a teenager he would have fallen for it if someone told him he could open a portal in the sky and make things better #what a liar he would still do it now #EDIT: NO i knew it he says almost exactly what nona says after you hug her when you hug him. the orange-associated characters strike again

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blackberryjambaby · 11 months ago

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bruh just got woken up by the cops because they've fucking helicopter-d over & seen weed at our neighbour's so they're raiding the place. don't they have better things to do than raid a disabled man's stash

#remy says #i'm not gonna be able to go back to sleep now #i told them i didn't recognise his picture or know his name which is technically true #because that was a very bad picture & we exclusively call him by a nickname #aotearoa #god forbid cops actually do something worthwhile

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daily-mees · 2 years ago

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mees is foopin tired

[ID: simple pen doodle of a mouse lying flopped down with its little whiskers drooping from its pointy snout and its big ears back and its tail curled half-heartedly around its flank. it has triangle feet flopped over beneath it and its expression is very tired and very done. end ID.]

#daily mees #meeses #mice #click for better quality #sometimes the mees have bad days. and that's okay #sometimes you're just foopin beddy exhausted and u just gotta get through this day and sleep best u can #sometimes it's okay to admit that you're not in the mood today #and it's not a worthwhile use of your energy to try and put yourself in the mood #so u just do your best to make as little negative impact on the people around you as you can until you are able to be in the mood #definitely not trying to tell myself something here (this is sarcasm i definitely am)

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medicinemane · 1 year ago

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.

#one problem that's got me right now; aside from my stomach audibly churning wanting something more; is no one listens #people try to listen; and people think they listen; but they don't actually listen #there's always advice to be given; there's always their own perspective to be imposed on things #and everyone means well; everyone's real damn caring you know? that's part of why I don't just say this shit #but no one actually listens #...why is it that so often when I listen to people they're like 'Exactly!'; but when people listen to me it's like... you didn't hear me?#am I just pickier? or when I listen is it that I go broader strokes and avoid advice?#I'll often take a shot in the dark just based on looking inward and seeing how I'd be feeling in that situation #and... and this isn't a brag or something; but I can't remember the last time someone didn't feel validated by it #(which must be blindness on my part; I must have missed the times I made people feel more alone)#(I certainly don't always even manage to find something worthwhile to say; but when I do people seem validated)#but that's me turning inwards and just presenting how the situation makes me feel; and that making people feel seen #(like once again; not fucking bragging; but people will act like I saw right through them)#(when I was just tossing out something that I was only like 70% sure of and felt probably insulting or something)#but then I complain that people impose their own perspectives when talking to me... when me doing that seems to be what works #so why the fuck is that? is it that I more use myself as a thing to look at to relate to them while not really giving advice?#is my real complaint more like 'no one seems able to listen without trying to offer advice'?#also like... no one seems able to like... fucking trust me; or think for a second I might have lived this shit (possibly longer than them)#like... in a non emotional example:#once was talking about how I gotta heat my room with an electric radiator and the person starts telling me about how I gotta do it #like '3 ft away from any object' type advice and it's like...#I've been doing this for like 4 years; radiator sits about 6-8 inches from my bed and the cat spot; wood never gets more warm than sunlight #like I'm no fucking guru on it; but please don't treat me like and idiot you need to teach when you haven't actually used this stuff #why the hell can't anyone trust me? I got myself a fucking house; you know? why is it always always always advice #I'll talk about a situation; be doing more or less all anyone can do; all you have to say is 'yeah fuck that asshole'#no no; advice on what I need to tell someone about how to deal with that asshole that's not as nuanced as what I'm already doing #you share your biggest fears and just get fucking advice that won't work on how you can fix them #...kinda makes me want to blow my brains out as much as the hunger does right now #wish someone would mimic me on this; cause I seem to know what I'm doing #'gee sorry to hear that; that sort of thing is hard to deal with; you're doing a good job getting through it'

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snekdood · 2 years ago

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Given how toxic this website is and the people on it... And how proud they seem to be about being toxic... Its like. Why should i stay on here? Whats the benefit? Yall constantly have this vibe about you that if you're not part of the Special Good Person Tumblr Circle then you're missing out in spite of it being nearly impossible to get in or stay in such a clique. I dont know why i put so much value on this website outside of it sometimes being usefully educational, but mostly its just drama and discourse ppl are arguing over that doesnt meaningfully do anything in the real world since its discourse about a distant world and reality we dont even live in rn. And the people on here are just absolutely rancid sometimes. Its so obvious plenty of yall demonize therapy, given the way you act. And you act like thats a good thing too, like you're supposedly rebelling bc you make people feel uncomfortable or think you're a dickhead, which i guess is worth it?? Idk. But this websites bad and i think im finally becoming disillusioned with it, bc in spite of people pretending theres some sort of special knowledge you can only find on here, i cant seem to find anything special or unique about it, you're not all somehow more woke than other ppl because you use tumblr, other people are not somehow less progressive bc they dont spend time on tumblr reading niche shit abt shit that hardly effects anyone. Im so tired of ppls superiority complexes and narcissistic attitudes on heres. Its exhausting and none of the ppl described seems to want to be self aware enough to recongize when theyre doing it and stop. I dont know how you're supposed to deal with someone whos so toxic and embraces it and finds some way to rationalize why its okay for them to be toxic, idk, bc of their trauma or whatever. And thats not a fucking excuse. I dont fucking care what you went through its not an excuse. This is just a genuinely miserable ass website with miserable ass people on it.

#ppl almost try to manipulate me to convince me theres something worthwhile on here so they can keep beating me with a stick #but theres nothing on here. a lot of ppls opinions on here dont mean shit or is something ive come to the conclusion of on my own #yall have nothing to offer so why do you keep trying to convince me theres something here for me to learn?#the only good thing about this site is the aestheitc posts and wholesome posts. and the rare actually informative post #which you might not think is rare looking at my blog but thats only bc i generally sift through the bs to find actually informative shit #yall also act so proud when you're able to run people off this website and dont do any intospection at all in the realm of whether or not #what you're doing is actually Cool or Beneficial at all to people like?? how do yall not recognize that as a toxic trait?? literally #driving people away and for what? literally how does that envoke pride in any capacity #its hard not to feel like yall just want carbon copies of yourself around and its so tired like dawg. you're not somehow more special and #important that the world would be better off if everyone was just like you. lol. lmao.

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swampdrive · 3 days ago

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Being actively befriended by someone after a long time of constantly being the one to put too much effort into friendships and feeling like everything is one sided and im disposable is fucking WILD MAN!

#like yeah i have mh issues ik ik and rhat skews my perception of a lot of things but i also had just #fucking bottom tier godawful friendships in my early 20s that really super jaded me in a lot of ways and i just sort of #resigned myself to being lonely because i got sick of feeling like people only liked me when i made myself useful and that was why they were #keeping me around #anyway my friend just texted me like Hey Im making you a churro cheesecake since i couldnt see you on your Bday this week #and im just like. floored someone would be kind enough to just do that?#even though its something ive done for my friends in the past myself its just?? someone is doing that FOR ME?? OF THEIR OWN VOLITON?? AND #REMEMBERED MY BIRTHDAY WITH NO REMINDER OR PROMPTING FROM ME #2025 is the first year ive been able to like. go into actually having a group of friends that are worthwhile and arent using me #i tried sooo hard in 2024 to make myself emotionally available/vulnerable again and try and like. actively make friends and i think i picked #some good people!!!!!

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backtodecembertv · 6 months ago

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just me and my teddy bear against the world

#i need to think less do more get discouraged less and believe in the fucking universe or whatever #but i do not believe in my city’s public transit system bc the bus smelled SO bad today #there’s nothing wrong with me i’m just young and shy and need higher self esteem #if i smiled more talked more used my phone less and didn’t give shitty guys a chance then that would probably be enough #i think one of the traps i fall into is thinking there’s something so deep and fucked up about me it can’t be fixed #or i’d need to do something drastic and crazy to fix it #when in reality it’s just like. be braver and don’t do obviously self destructive things with shitty people #it’s not complicated it’s just hard but everything worthwhile is hard isn’t it #i may never be perceived as fully ‘normal’ but who cares i don’t wanna be normal #i just need to be able to communicate to people i like that i want to develop a relationship with them #and i don’t like people who want me to be normal #okayyy good night

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bookishdreamer28 · 11 months ago

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Height difference

Idk Mattheos actual height but let's imagine he's really tall here ✨ I hope you'll like it 👐

Mattheo is obsessed with the way his body is towering over yours. He has found himself thinking of how you'd perfectly fit in his arms many times and he can't help but feel his whole body getting hot at the very thought. From the very first moment Theodore introduced you to their group, he was instantly besotted. He was entirely mesmerized by you.

Every time you wanted to grab something that was out of your reach, he was standing closely behind you just to help you, but in reality all he wanted was to feel your small frame against his. And when you look up at him all puppy-eyed, with those eyes, he knew he was down bad already. And he knew he had fallen deeply for you.

He loved teasing you cause your reactions to his teasing were absolutely worthwhile. Seeing your flustered face was something he adored.

-

"How you're doing shorty?" He said in his baritone voice and it took everything in you not to punch the smugness off of his face.

"Stop calling me shorty" you tried look mad and scary with your angry expression but Mattheo wanted to just grab your face and kiss the shit out of you.

"Ok then how about...pixie-"

"NO!" You exclaimed and walked away from him, not being able to stay any longer around his presence but one thing you didn't notice, was Mattheo laughing quietly behind you because he found your walk absolutely adorable.

-

When he gets to hug you, that's when he feels like his heart will burst out. It's the way you snuggle your head in his chest, the way your arms are wrapped around his waist, and the warmth that instantly engulfing him when he feels your heart beating against him. Everything about this feeling is perfect. You just fitted perfectly.

-

His most fave thing about your height difference, is when you tip toe every time you want to kiss him. He's just standing there, the corner of his lips curving upwards displaying a cheeky smile on his face as he watches you struggling while you're trying to give him a kiss.

"You know you can lean down a bit right? I can't do all the work here" you frowned as you looked up at him. He pinched you cheek softly and traced his thumb in soft circles there.

"Yeah but you have no idea how adorable you l- ouch!" You slapped his hand.

"Now, don't make me bend your head down here by force"

"I would gladly let you love" he chuckled and you smirked as you placed your forehead on your palm, sighing.

"Enough with the teasing Riddle, now kiss me" you looked up again, waiting for his lips to finally crush on yours. He felt his heart pounding like crazy against his chest.

He laughed and instead of leaning his head down, he crouched down and scooped you up into his arms, your legs wrapped around his waist and he placed one hand under your thigh and the other around your waist. Kissing you was earth-shattering. The fieeling of your soft lips locking with his, was something he has been craving for so long.

Once you pulled away, you expected him to put you down but he still held you tight against him.

"Will you put me down now?" You tried to fight back a smile as you felt his hold becoming a bit tighter, his locked on you the whole time.

"Nope, I love having you like this love" he murmured against your lips and you giggled as you once again captured your lips together in a kiss which caused your eyes to flutter close and enjoy the feeling.

Thank you for reading!!

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