#as he realizes that he is no longer a good dad/man/person AND he failed to keep his daughter safe and with him

[radiaking]

smth about how hank and barb are both willing to burn the world down for their loved ones vs coop and lucy both foolishly hoping they can save the ppl they love and be w/them again w/o anything bad happening or hurting anyone....

[cultofdixon]

Just Breathe, Love. I’ve Gotcha

Daryl Dixon • She/Her Pronouns • Babies come unexpectedly. It’s one thing being alone…thank god he was there • ANGST/SFW/NSFW - Implied Sex • TW: Pregnancy & Birth / Anxiety / Illness / Nightmares / Mentions of Miscarriage & Other Pregnancy Scares

Requested by: Anon

Y/N stood anxiously outside the house she shared with Daryl as it was practically brand new after the rebuild of Alexandria. She still couldn’t believe she convinced him to live with her above the surface. Nothing wrong with the basement just that things were changing and they’ll need more space.

Daryl finished getting packed for their trip to The Kingdom to help them for a month, but as he approached his bike gesturing with his body language for Y/N to join him…she hesitated.

“Love, cmon. If we leave now we can make it before sunset”

“Uh I can’t get on your bike though”

“What?” Her saying that confused the man extremely. “You’ve ridden on my bike before, what’s stopping yea now?”

“Fuck uh” Just say it. Just say it. “It won’t be safe for me and the baby, Dar”

The silence grew until Daryl simply blinked at his partner before throwing his pack on and getting onto his bike driving off. Y/N frowns thinking he needed to get some air after that news but before she even turned around, Daryl turned his bike around bringing itself into the garage.

“Dar?” She frowns taking a few steps toward the garage when Daryl came running out dropping his pack on the way and instantly engulfing her in his arms.

Y/N instantly latched onto her partner hiding her face in his shoulder as she started to sob happily hearing Daryl go on and on about how excited this is going to be for them. They were finally safe from any and almost every harm the world can throw at them.

They were going to be alright

First Trimester

…Maybe

The longer you get to know Daryl, you start to pick up on some things he does. In this very moment Maggie noticed two when she thought the archer was simply coming to the Hilltop for the community trading. Daryl, just a little, stuck out his tongue when he was in deep focus looking around Maggie’s office in search for one of her pregnancy books and another thing he did was his tiny finger taps when he was anxious. He is a very secretive and normally good at camouflaging, going unnoticed.

But she wasn’t going to stand there long. Only making herself known when she figures out what Daryl is looking for. That the moment he reached for the pregnancy book in her bookshelf, Maggie stepped into the room entirely.

“Find what you’re looking for?” Maggie smiles watching Daryl drop the book quickly turning to her.

“Yeah”

“Are yea gonna pick it up and take it? Didn’t take you for a seahorse, Daryl” Maggie teased watching him pick it up giving her a look. “How come Y/N didn’t—“

“Nah stop right there” Daryl quickly shushed her. “She’s comin’ next week to tell yea herself and she will kill me if she learns you knew from me”

“Oh boy you already fucked up that’s why you’re saying such” She smiles fighting back a laugh and failing. “Who did yea tell?”

“Rick”

“Oh” Maggie gave him a surprised look that quickly morphed into confusion. “Why would she be mad at you for telling Rick? He’s your best friend, brother even”

“Nah it wasn’t cuz I told Rick. It was when we had JUST found out” Daryl went silent after such and it didn’t take Maggie much to connect the dots as she brought herself to lay a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

“Y/N is a very careful person. Your baby will make it and be absolutely perfect” She smiles at her friend before bringing him into her embrace feeling him tighten around her. “That baby is so so lucky to have you as a dad, Daryl. I can’t wait for you to experience it”

“Mags…”

“I don’t want to hear it. You’ve beaten yourself up about it enough and I know just saying that won’t make you instantly stop. But you’ve got to realize…we couldn’t have predicted what happen to have happened. Focus on the now Dixon” Maggie smiles parting from the man as he still hung his head low. “I won’t tell your partner that I know. But she better get her ass here soon so I can congratulate her”

Daryl returned back to Alexandria that night to find Y/N asleep on the couch after waiting a while for her man to come home. He set everything he was carrying down on the table as quietly as he could before approaching his girl and carefully picking her up. The action did cause her to stir just a bit but she didn’t care and brought her arms around his neck to secure her when he carried her upstairs.

“Long day?” She yawns out as he carefully places her on her side of the bed.

“A bit, sorry I was late” Daryl sat on the edge and took off his shoes as Y/N sat up enough to bring herself to lean against him until he was ready to climb into bed. “You gotta tell Maggie the news before it slips out of me” Which it already did.

“Mm. I have to go to get clippings from her for Alexandria’s gardens. Rick thinks we’ll have the water system done in about a month or two”

“You’re not allowed to overwork yourself, love” Daryl placed a kiss on her forehead before fully bringing himself to face her so he could kiss her completely.

Y/N wrapped her arms around him continuing to kiss her man as she brought herself to sit in his lap feeling his arms snake around her waist.

“What’s gotten into you, sunshine?” Daryl chuckles lightly to himself in between kisses feeling her get situated with her legs around his waist.

“Hormones.” Y/N giggles for a second before returning to her kissing. “You want me to stop?” She whispers only for Daryl to carefully bring her on her back onto the sheets as he towers her.

“No”

The next couple mornings were always spent sleeping in after the hours from the night before doing feeding into certain cravings.

“You’re gonna be the death of me, mamas” Daryl laughs kissing Y/N’s bare shoulder bringing himself to sit up watching his partner get up from their bed.

“Shouldn’t you be helping with the bridge plans this morning?” Y/N gave him a smile through the mirror above their dresser as she took one of his shirts slipping it on. “Instead of feeding my cravings” she continues to smile watching the archer get out of the bed shirtless in all his glory bringing himself behind her wrapping his arms around her.

“I’d always rather stay in bed with yea, than work” He chuckles kissing her temple. “‘Sides. We gotta tell Carol and Zeke the news”

“I’m still mad that you lied about not telling Mags. But thank you for getting the book…amongst other things” Y/N continued to smile as Daryl kisses her cheek before slipping away to get ready for the day leaving her alone for a moment.

Her smile faded when she opened the book to a part that talked heavily about complications. These “what to expect when you’re expecting books” have always been informative but Y/N never thought they’d be scary. Or feed into her fears.

It didn’t take long for Daryl to notice her sudden change in demeanor, especially on the drive to the Kingdom. He thought she was upset from their trip of 2 turning into five with Eugene, Rosita, and Rick tagging along. But she didn’t care about them joining and part of her didn’t talk about it with Daryl.

When they arrived, Y/N instantly got out of the car when she spotted Carol stepping out to greet them as Daryl tried to catch up but noticed his friend’s happy expression to the news falter only slightly until it went to warm reassurance when telling Y/N something. She soon pulled away from her to approach Daryl and hug the man.

“I’m gonna take your girl for a few hours.” Carol smiles still hugging Daryl as he instantly looked at Y/N for any sign that she was upset and all she gave was her usual smile that always struck him. “So don’t you dare come tracking us down.” She laughs pulling away from his embrace. “She’s in good hands, they both are”

Daryl trusted her, of course, but his worry still made him give his radio to Y/N knowing he’ll be with Rick when she’s gone and he always has one on him in case of emergencies.

“Be safe” He whispers kissing her cheek as she hums in response before going with Carol outside the Kingdom walls.

They soon found themselves seated behind a log after tracking down a small herd of deer as Y/N kept her eye on them with her hunting rifle in hand while Carol had her bow. She really kept her attention on her friend that glued her gaze on the buck.

What if something bad happens?

What if I get hurt and lose the baby?

What if I lose the baby?

Late term miscarriage?

Freak walker accident?

What if…

What if I die?

What if I die having the baby?

What if I need a c-section and it can’t be done?

What if—-

“It’s normal to be scared”

Her voice caught Y/N off guard in her thoughts as her emotions acted only by showing the tears form and roll off her cheeks. Carol frowns setting her bow down about to lay a hand to reassure her when a gunshot rang through and a thud echoed after.

The two were now looking at the buck Y/N had just shot down and as Y/N approached the down animal she noticed a deer and its baby run off.

I don’t want to leave Daryl and…fetus. I don’t want anything to happen to me Y/N sobbed and without any word from her end, Carol carefully brought her family into her arms holding her until she felt okay enough to go back.

Daryl wasn’t very helpful to the others when Y/N was gone. He honestly hope she had radio’d him so that he’d have an excuse to take off and find her. But she was okay when she came back. From what he gathered. When the two came back he offered to help prepare the meat but instead Carol brushed him off with a look to take care of his woman. Y/N didn’t say anything, didn’t even say anything to Carol, but he knew she just wanted him there in the moment.

Second Trimester

“I’ll be back in a week”

“I know. You still didn’t have to drop me off at the Hilltop like a daycare system”

“You get anxious alone in the house, sunshine. Rick and Michonne didn’t want you over because Judith is sick. Plus you’re helping Maggie with the garden layout designs.”

“Which you reminded me I couldn’t physical help with Hilltop’s” Y/N scoffs in a playful tone resulting in a smile Daryl wished to see from where he was at. Sadly the Sanctuary. “You’re missing out on a lot of movement…”

“She better calm the fuck down until I get there”

“Dead set on a girl?” Y/N smiles leaning against the headrest in the bed of the spare bedroom in the Barrington House, gently rubbing circles on her belly. “If that’s the case then, both your girls miss you.”

“I’ll be back to y’all soon”

“I love you, honey”

“I love you bee”

Y/N continued to smile holding the radio knowing she could continue the conversation with Daryl and he wouldn’t give a damn about his responsibilities at the Sanctuary just to continue for himself. He knew it was risky to take on the task of watching the shithole for a month, but both he and Y/N knew it was hard to say no to Rick. Though the biggest reason he said yes was knowing she wouldn’t give birth in the second trimester.

Shit can still happen but it doesn’t

Well, not literally.

Everything raced in Y/N’s mind as she watches Hershel Jr for an afternoon while Maggie gets a few things done for both her and her son, and the community she leads. Which included creating the farm plots outside the Hilltop walls as long as there were spikes protecting her home and the gardens.

“Your Uncle Daryl just loves seeing you, and I know he’s going to hog you when he arrives” Y/N smiles talking to Hershel Jr as he babbles while smiling up at his aunt. “You’re just…one happy little guy.” I miss Glenn she thought as she looked at his son feeling that awful anxiety return making her face contort to discomfort which the small child instantly took note of resulting in him mimicking her feelings. “No no no, I’m okay. You’re okay” she did her best at reassuring as she carefully picked Hershel up holding him protectively in her embrace quietly shushing his sobs.

A few hours passed and Maggie finally got a moment to herself as she plans to relieve Y/N of watching her son. But while she did expect Daryl to already be bothering his wife since he arrived an hour prior to her break, she was stopped by the archer.

“What are—-“

Daryl shushed Maggie quickly before showing that Y/N was asleep along with Hershel Jr happily laying on her enjoying the warmth she emitted. “Let’em sleep”

Maggie couldn’t agree more as she left him to admire the sight before she came back about an hour later for much needed baby time with her son.

When Y/N woke she noticed no baby and scrambled a bit too fast for her comfort resulting in her pause to hold her belly as Daryl instantly brought himself from the window to sit with her resting his hand over hers.

“Maggie got her son a bit ago. Didn’t wanna wake yea”

“You were supposed to wake me up when you got here” Y/N pouts only for her expression to instantly change to the bandage on Daryl’s thigh as she was instantly shushed by the man which was only going to make her angry.

“Nothin’ too serious just a bit of road rash”

“You spilled on your bike?!”

“Eh more like. Failed dismount” That rarely happens but one can imagine Daryl’s foot getting hooked onto his bike resulting in both him and the ride falling. Better than riding your bike and hitting a hole that sends you launching to your dea—-“Sunshine? You’re staring”

She really couldn’t help the tears that sprung on feeling Daryl’s calloused yet soft hands wipe them away when he noticed.

“I’m gonna be okay. Again, nothin’ serious” Daryl reassures, getting anxious when Y/N didn’t say another word on the matter but he knew she was thinking something. Her mind was never really one to be quiet. “Alright love, come here” he gestures for her to bring herself into his side leaning into him as he brought his arms around her, the hand in front of her instantly placing itself on her belly as she instantly brought her attention to such.

“She keeps kicking me in the ribs…but at least she’s positioned right”

“Good to know about the position…thing. But her kickin’ your ribs don’t sound comfortable”

“Want me to demonstrate?” Y/N jokes causing a small smile to break out when her man chuckled lightly to such before kissing her followed by a ‘no’. “Good. Shit sucks anyway”

Third Trimester

Daryl was already a hoverer. Now it was worse and a bit weirder. At least if you asked Y/N. She always found him somewhere in the room if he wasn’t right beside her and he’s really only hovering in case she “pops”. A word she now hates from what he uses it for.

“Siddiq is at the Hilltop. Should be back in the week in case you po—-“

“You have to stop saying that word. It’s weirding me out”

“Sorry” Daryl frowns watching Y/N struggle to get her shoes on and every time he tried to help, she would swat him away. Only frustrating the man who wants to take care of his pregnant wife.

The usual sigh of defeat is his indicator for him to go ahead and help.

“Do we have any pickles left?” Y/N asks with a pleading pout watching her man’s face change with his thoughts as he tied her shoes. “Or that jam Jerry made with his wife?”

“If this is another weird food combination, don’t make me try it” Daryl scoffs playfully but when he locked eyes with her she started tearing up and it was an instant shot through the heart. “No no please I’m sorry. I’ll try it if yea want me to”

“Yeah?” Her voice cracked watching him nod listening to him reassure her even if her mind was currently a pregnancy fogged mess.

While Daryl got up to get her her craving, Y/N felt that wave of anxiety, but with pain this time.

“Ouch” Y/N winced holding her belly and checking her watch that wasn’t totally rendered useless in the apocalypse where one can barely tell the time. It worked well for timing—-“Contractions?” She whispered to herself feeling the pain come suddenly the second time around. “Fuck.”

The archer didn’t come back immediately because her first “ow” followed by a few others, he didn’t hesitate to radio Siddiq or anybody in his vicinity to get him on. Once he was instructed on what to do while the doc makes his way over, Daryl stepped into the living room finding Y/N flinging her shoes off with a bit of struggle as she gripped her stomach.

“We gotta get you ready”

“Fuck off” She whined. “What the fuck do you think I’m doing” she cries when another painful contraction hit, making Daryl come to her side trying to help her up hoping their bed would make it more comfortable. But she immediately fought him making her cry more when she thought she had hit him too hard.

“Y/N. I’m gonna carry you”

“You’re gonna drop me”

“I’m not”

“But I’m fucking HUGE and in PAIN. You’re only going to irritate me”

“Well that ain’t new. You used to push me off the bed” Daryl scoffs not caring anymore about the love taps he was receiving when picking up his partner.

“Because you are a human heater! But then I’d start sobbing” She states, already doing so as she held onto Daryl when he carried her. He debated taking her to the infirmary instead but she’s fighting him just from moving her from the couch to the bed. It would’ve been worse going from the house to the infirmary.

“I’ve gotcha, love”

“You’re gonna drop me”

“Do you want me to drop you?”

“No!”

“Then I’m not” Daryl tried to fight back his laughter when he finally got her to bed, adding his pillow with her several ones to have her sit up. “I gotta radio Siddiq see where he’s at”

“Please don’t leave me” Y/N sobbed holding onto his arm as she curls up a bit when another contraction struck. Daryl held her arm feeling her nails dig into his as it only made his anxiety worse, imagining what hers was.

“I ain’t going anywhere love” Daryl reassures as he had his radio on him.

The entire time Daryl was on the radio trying to get an ETA on Siddiq, Y/N laid there uncomfortable as the tears build up thinking the worse possible things that could happen without a doctor or at least someone who’s delivered babies being there. She loosened her grip when he started to pull away only to get the things needed that Siddiq was telling him from the other side.

“Siddiq is close and he’ll come straight here” Daryl states setting towels down on the side of the bed by her feet. “Yea need anything? Y/N?” He frowns watching her hold her belly protectively. “Hey? Love—-“

“It’s gonna hurt…I-It’s already hurting but once she’s—-“

“Yeah but once she’s out then it’ll get—-“

“Oh it won’t be the same. It won’t be the same” Y/N started to laugh nervously concerning Daryl a bit given she was still crying and her contractions were getting closer. “What if I tear?!”

“Stitches”

“What if I bleed too much and—-“

“We’ve talked about that but not in the sense of this” He gestures to the situation. “We have solutions to these problems”

“Not if I die!” Y/N snaps suddenly and before Daryl could even reassure that anxiety, Siddiq knocked on the door making himself present along with other supplies needed.

It was about time and Y/N wasn’t ready. She wasn’t ready this entire pregnancy because of everything that could go wrong and how much pain it’s going to become. Her grip on Daryl worsened, at this point he thought she was going to break his arm.

“You have to push on the next contraction, Y/N. Okay?” Siddiq’s words just went straight through her head, all she felt was the pain and Daryl’s hand squeezing hers. Which led to—-

“I-I can’t…” She sobbed to Daryl as he gently brushed away the hair sticking to her face. “It’s hurting and it’s getting worse. What if—-“

“Hey…just breathe, love” Daryl reassures bringing his free arm around her shoulders looking only at her as if it was only them in the room. “Breathe with me, alright?” And so she did while squeezing his hand every breath that was difficult to fulfill. “You’ve got this, sunshine. Just a few more then a lifetime with our girl”

Oh how the pain was all worth it in the end, and the anxiety simply slipped away…

The soft cries filled the room and both of their eyes were drawn to the little girl being held up wrapped in a towel. Y/N started to sob as Daryl pulled away for just a moment to cut the cord before being handed their daughter. He was already teary-eyed but now the archer was sobbing when he held their daughter and finally handed her to her mother.

Just breathe Y/N smiles through tear filled eyes at their little girl. Oh this beautiful little girl she held her close gently placing a kiss to her forehead.

“You did perfect, mamas” Daryl kisses Y/N’s forehead feeling him bring himself back to holding his partner as she held their little one.

“Thank you…”

“For?”

“For helping me bring this beautiful little girl to the world”

[astorianyxkings]

You guys ever think about how Bruce feels when one of the batlings call him Dad? Or refer to him as their dad? Or how he feels when he steps into a fatherly role for a bat?

I mean yeah its mostly done in public, Dick has always called Bruce Dad or refer to him as his father since he was old enough to go to galas. And yeah at first the word felt like nails scraping down a chalk board because Bruce isn't worth being a dad, not in his head at least. He was still in his twenties, and Dick already had a dad. One who loved him. But he tolerates the word anyway, because its just to keep up appearing right?

Nowadays, having repaired their severed relationship, Bruce wants to hear the word. He misses it but he doesn't dare ask. But when he reveals that he officially adopted Dick and he hugs him and says "I love you Dad." Bruce can't help but cry, sob quietly as he clutches his son in his arms. "I don't want to replace your father." He says, begging his voice to not waver, it doesn't listen. "You're not," Dick responds, "You're just standing on the same level as him. My dads and my mom. My parents."

When Barbara becomes Batgirl Bruce is terrified. He knows the kind of sick freaks out there, who ogle her in her Batgirl suit. It makes his blood boil the way any father's would. Except he isn't her father. She has Jim for that. And even if she's dating Dick, Bruce can't seem to figure out why he's treating her like this, why he's keeping her patrol limited, why he's texting Commissioner Gordon in panic whenever she's late. Jim laughs and says its like they're co parents and something in Bruce's heart jabs.

When she's paralyzed by the Joker Bruce isn't sure what to do. He pays her medical bills and has a back and forth with Jim, "Its my fault he found out she was Batgirl!", "He didn't, he did it because she's a Gordon! It's my fault!". Bruce crues over her in the comatose state, apologizing over and over, its his fault, his minds been made up. When she becomes Oracle there's nothing he wouldn't do to accommodate her. Barbara may not legally be his daughter, but she kind of it his first daughter.

When Jason comes around and starts calling Bruce dad at galas, he's more comfortable around the word. He can be a dad to Jason, Jason didn't get to have a good dad but Bruce bought a parenting book (What to Expect when Moving from Raising One Kid to Two) and he's handling it. But then he dies and Bruce is met with the guilt of knowing that he failed his son. Because even though Dick was his ward and first born, Jason was the first one he was okay with referring to as a son.

And then he came back and Bruce is no longer dad. He's B or Old Man. Its better than "the asshole who let me die" so he'll take what he can get. Except once at a gala Jason has a bit of a Freudian slip and refers to Bruce as his dad and he leaves the room to burst into tears. Jason doesn't hate him and while he's grateful part of his mind knows he should. He deserves to be hated, Jason is just too much of a good person to do it. But it doesn't matter, Jason's still his son and his heart still stutters whenever he's reminded of that. Jason is his son, his boy.

When he meets Tim, Bruce is scared all over again. He doesn't want to be Tim's dad. Tim already has a dad—and in Bruce's self loathing mind, a neglectful father is still better than whatever impersonation of a dad he could be. But Tim is stubborn, he latches on and somewhere along the lines after his emancipation, Bruce realizes that he's Tim's dad. And he wants to be Tim's dad. And he won't fail Tim the way he did Dick or Jason, he made too many mistakes with them.

Tim sometimes feels out of place. Bruce doesn't know why, he belongs into their family (cult as Jason says affectionately) and Bruce will always remind him of that. Tim is his son and Bruce will never get over that, he gets to see this boy grow up to be great. And maybe when Tim's sleep deprived he calls Bruce dad, but thats between him, Tim and the tear stained pillow on Bruce's bed.

And then there's Steph. Stephanie Brown forced her way into the Batfamily by dating Tim and even after they broke up, she's not leaving. And Bruce doesn't want her to. She's made it clear she doesn't want to be a Wayne officially, she's fine just being Steph. Except, Bruce kind of thinks Steph is like his daughter too. She's not just some random girl he finds overly bubbly, her bubbliness reminds him if Dick, her street smarts remind him of Jason. But despite that Steph is so unique. And even if she has a dad, Bruce can't help it. He personally decorated a room at the manor for her, had it painted purple and everything. Steph might not be a Wayne by name, but she is in everything else. And Bruce is kind of okay with that.

And then there's the two kids who refer to him as their dad all the time.

Cassandra Cain becomes Cassandra Wayne and she never looks back. She rarely speaks, she's content with sign language and you best believe the rest of the family learns it to communicate with her comfortably. But something in Bruce's heart flutters when she refers to him as Dad. When she signs about one of her dance recitals, Don't forget dad! Or when she's bragging and boasting at a gala about him, My dad's not like that! He's really nice!

And then there's Damian. He couldn't run away from being his father if he wanted to. Which he doesn't. Damian called him Father, rather stiffly for the first two years together. But then one day he's talking to Jon and Bruce isn't trying to eavesdrop but he's not perfect do he does and he hears Damian refer to him as Baba and he almost trips over his own feet. Damian, ever the observer, notices him immediately and then he's suddenly calling him Baba more often, Baba I'm going to walk Titus or Baba, Grayson is trying to hug me again. Doesn't matter the context, hearing Damian utter the endearment makes his heart melt every damn time.

But when Duke rolls around, heartbroken and unfairly orphaned, Bruce is terrified all over again. He's not ready to force Duke into accepting him as a father, Duke has a dad. Bruce doesn't want to replace him. But Duke, much like Tim, latches on. He needs a father. He needs one to guide him, to help him forge his own path. And Bruce can't help himself. He's a father. He's Dukes father.

Bruce being a dad but hating himself for it while loving his kids but hating that he's forced to be their dad because the world was cruel to them.

[starguardianniom]

Adrien and Marinette screwing each other's character development

That's literally what happened in season 5.

5 seasons of Adrien trying his best to break free of his dad's abuse and control only for Marinette to honors Gabriel's wish and make him believe he was a hero and a good parent, despite having front seat at his abuse, on top of fighting him, and Gabriel made the both of time cry. So now Adrien will forever think his father was a good man, when he was not. He will like his abuser, when the last episode showing them together has Adrien showing nothing but hatred toward his father for thinking he knew better for him when he was just doing what he wanted Adrien to do and not what Adrien wanted himself.

We spent 5 seasons watching Marinette trying and failing to confess to Adrien, only for him to confess to her instead which rendered kind of all her efforts pointless, on top of not having to learn the many lessons that she should have, like regarding his private life, or start seeing him as a person and not a perfect angel who can't do no wrong. They even had some jokes at her behavior, behavior that they later learned was because she had a traumatic experience which made her decide that the next poor sod that would catch her attention would not be permitted to have a private life whatsoever, just because she made an error of judgement and didn't listen to her friend's warning, something she keeps doing repeatedly during the series. She just gets her boyfriend and never has to change her behavior, and he doesn't get to maybe get mad or creeped out at all the stuff she did for him while she could barely speak to him, let alone struggle to stay close less she ran away out of being scared to ask him out. So her toxic behavior also doesn't get to be toned down. Biggest example is after learning that Gabriel is Monarch, she goes to speak to him because she wants Adrien back, not to stop Monarch once in for all. She has to when he finds her in his house and she can't hide much longer.

The main difference, Marinette has been aware since forever that Gabriel was pretty controlling with Adrien and got depressed over it several times since it meant she couldn't hang out with him. And she still sided with his abuser because she didn't want Adrien to deal with the backlash of knowing his father was the local terrorist of the city. A guy she spent 5 season fighting, and spent the last episode of season 5 beating up because he prefered to go with his crazy scheme instead of respecting his wife's last wish. And she decides to respect Gabriel's last wish instead of being honest with Adrien and the rest of the city, which I'm sorry to say, is beyond horrible of her. People deserves the truth, so does Adrien, stop coodling him like his father tried, he doesn't need it.

Meanwhile Adrien just learned in the last season that she had a crush on him. And saw her doing some pretty weird stuff, but never truly saw the real depths as to how far Marinette was willing to go to get his love. He didn't see her bully Kagami, he didn't see her lie and manipulate her parents to make her follow him to Shangai and abandoning her uncle on his birthday just to go stalk him, among other stuff. So he isn't aware of the worst of Marinette, and half of it he thinks she's just weird because to him that's how she's always been, weird and quirky but still charming and cute somehow.

I kind of just realised that while reading other posts about those subjects and just saw that they both ruined each other's development, Adrien unintentionally and Marinette, intentionally.

EDIT: chocolatevoidpizza made me realize I was victim blaming Marinette for the cruel prank she went through in Derision via the line "just because she made an error of judgement and didn't listen to her friend's warning".

That is unfair on Marinette and I apologize for writing that and take it back.

I however won't delete it cause I need the reminder to not have a repeat of that and I need the lesson.

So thank you chocolatevoidpizza for opening my eyes and knocking sense back into me.

[weirdestbooks]

British Michigan AU Oneshot

Tearful Reunions (Wattpad | Ao3)

America paced worriedly outside the meeting place, anxiety flooding his body and choking his mind, making it hard to think. His emotions were a tangled mess, and America couldn’t figure out if he wanted to scream or cry.

“Preferably, you won’t scream when you see him,” Amelia said in a soothing voice, “We don’t want to scare him off, and who knows what those bastards have been filling his head with. We’ve already—”

Amelia cut herself off, not wanting to mention what Britain had done to their son. It was hard for all of them to think about it, let alone say those dreaded words. America paused, nodding, not wanting to say anything. While he had recently revealed his DID, he was trying not to disturb anyone by talking to the others in public. 

Besides, this was one of the most important days of his life. He couldn’t mess it up. Not now, not after everything. Not when he was so close. America had stopped pacing now and was instead wringing his hands together, doing everything he could to dispel the anxious energy that filled his body. 

Then, his son arrived. Before he said anything, America just drank in the appearance of his son. Photos and videos online of various events he had attended were one thing, but America hadn’t seen him in person…America had never seen him in person before. Not outside of his inner world, at least. Tears sprung into the corners of his eyes, and a heavy lump settled in his throat.

His son’s flag was so reminiscent of a British colony, with the Union Jack canton that Britain used to claim them as his own. The brand was still visible on his son’s face.

“A flag is not a brand. I know you’re angry at Britain, but you can’t stand acting angry at Michigan. It’s not his fault,” James said.

“No. It’s ours,” Rebecca murmured as the family pang of self-loathing and regret hit America. 

The rest of Michigan’s flag was read, with a seal in the corner. A sun over what must be one of the Great Lakes and part of the lakebed, with a dear at the top. The deer’s legs were tied together. America wondered if he was being mocked if Britain created that seal as one final insult, one final blow to him. A reminder that he failed and his son was now forever stuck with his captors.

Michigan had grown into a handsome man with dark hair, brown eyes, and the deer’s ears and antlers. 

America still wanted to cry.

“Uh…Hello, America,” Michigan began. America knew that his father had brainwashed his son into hating and disowning him, but being called America hit him with a painful lance that thickened the lump in his throat. 

He really was going to cry.

“Hi, Michigan,” America began, his own voice thick with emotion and grief, “It’s so good to see you again.”

Michigan looked somewhat uncomfortable, and America began trying to reel his emotions in, not wanting to scare off his son after so long.

“Sorry if…sorry if I’m a bit emotional or a bit much. It’s…it’s been a long time. I’ve missed you so much,” America said.

“Maybe tell him you aren’t going to pressure him to call you dad. I know you want it, Ame, but it’s not going to happen for a while. Let him know you’ll wait for him to be ready,” Charlotte added. America bit down a bitter laugh.

He had been waiting for his son for almost two hundred years. He didn’t want to wait any longer. But Charlotte was right.

“You also…you don’t have to call me…call me dad, right away. It’s…it’s good enough to see you again,” America added and watched as some of the nervousness drained from his son’s body, sending another bolt of pain through him.

“Thank you,” Michigan said, his voice nearly a whisper, before he cleared his throat, speaking louder, “I don’t know what you want to do or talk about. I…”

Realizing that Michigan had trailed off, America quickly stepped in.

“I just want to get to know you again. I…there’s a nice family restaurant down the road if you want to go there and eat, and just tell me about your life and your interests and all that. I know…I know painfully little about you. You can control the topics. I just…I just want to be in your life again,” America said before swallowing thickly. The words had been hard to say around the lump in his throat, around the storm of emotions running through him.

Michigan smiled, and America was struck by how familiar that smile was—so reminiscent of Indiana and Illinois that it hurt.

A dark part of America wondered if Michigan was ever hurt for those superficial similarities. America shut that part of him down. He would cry about his failures after the fact.

“That sounds nice. But I…I am allowed to leave if I get uncomfortable?” Michigan asked. The pain in America’s heart grew. His son should never have to feel uncomfortable around him. He should feel safe. 

America nodded, “Of course you can. I don’t want to mess things up further. Let me, please, let me know if I have crossed a line. I know you aren’t the son I lost, but it’s easier to tell my head that than my heart that.”

“Thank you,” Michigan said. There was something so painfully formal about the way he was acting, like he was meeting an ally, not a long-lost family member. America wondered if his children who had written to Michigan over the past fifty-something years had dealt with a similar phenomenon.

He wondered how long it took for them to get through Michigan’s walls. Because as much as America understood why, and he could understand, he had lived under Britain for two hundred-odd years too, he wanted to know the man his son had become.

He wanted to know who Michigan was now. He knew Michigan’s birthday had been changed to the day Hull surrendered, and he wondered if Michigan remembered his actual birthday. He wondered if Michigan wanted to know.  

“Vermont says Canada is a good father, but uh…that’s true, right? He’s good to you? He doesn’t hurt you?” America asked. He knew how Britain’s parenting tactics were, and although Vermont visited the Canadian side of his family often, he was still an outsider, not privy to all details.

“It’s still a terrible first question,” James said, sounding annoyed.

“I don’t know. I think it shows that America still thinks about his well-being and cares about him,” Amelia said.

Michigan looked horrified at the prospect.

“No! Father—” And boy, if that didn’t sting. “—is the best. He treats me and my brothers well! He would never hurt us! Are you trying to make me doubt him?”

Michigan was instantly on the defensive, assuming the worst. It stung worse than him calling Canada father.

“No, no! I just want to make sure you’re safe and loved. I know…I know how Britain is,” America protested, concern and fear flooding through him as Michigan flinched slightly at Britain’s name. “I just…I want you to be happy. I accepted long ago that you would never again be part of my nation. I’ve come to accept that. But to me, you still never stopped being my son. No matter how much you hate me, I still love you. I always will. Canada and I have our issues, but as long as he ensures you’re safe and happy…then I’ll do my best to be as okay as I can with him being your dad. Even if it hurts me, you’re more important.”

It was more honest than what he was used to, but Vermont had drilled into his head that honesty was the best thing to come to Michigan with. Vermont said that if he laid everything out for Michigan, Michigan would be more willing to trust him because he knew where America stood.

“Father ensures that my family is as safe as happy as it can be,” Michigan said, voice firm as he stared America in the eyes. America nodded.

“Good. That’s all I want from him. To know you’ll be safe with him,” America said. 

“And weekly visits!” Amelia protested.

“Later, Lia. Not now. It’s not appropriate for that. We need to regain Michigan’s trust in us. Michigan calls the shots.”

Michigan let out a small laugh, and America smiled.

“This isn’t what I expected,” he said, “You’re more okay with everything.”

“I’ve had a lot of time to think. And…because I love you, I have to be willing to let you call the shots.” America said. Michigan smiled.

“That means a lot. Now, I’m hungry, so if it’s okay, can we go to that restaurant you talked about,” he asked. America nodded.

“‘Course we can.”

Maybe things weren’t perfect now, but they were better than they had been.

America got to talk to Michigan again. Very little could be better than that.

[kitpanthera]

haters can't stand to see me pondering ‼️ (thanks so much for the previous response! again, no pressure to respond to all of these, this is just what i've come up with since seeing your response 🩵)

1. you mentioned dipper's dad not liking that he got into gymnastics -- is that because he views it as a woman's sport? is this where dipper gets his weird relationship with masculinity and needing to be perceived as a man despite being 12? (would love to see him unpack all of that at some point) also, bill teaching dipper more about how to be a man than their father ever did???? (someone cooked here)

2. are there any physical side effects of dipper using magic? i'm thinking something along the lines of his fingers turning black, or his hair changing color. just a physical sign to signify that he's messing with things normal humans don't (even if it's only visible to other magic users). or even something like that for possession? you said his eyes are bleeding but does he experience anything else (even if bill isn't doing it to him -- more just something that happens from the physical toll of being possessed)?

3. does mabel actually realize how serious the situation is with dipper and bill? obviously the adults are probably going to have a better idea of why an interdimensional demon that's been alive longer than we can conceive hanging out with and befriending a child in order to use them is Bad, but i'm not sure if mabel realizes that beyond just knowing he's not a good person who's turned dipper's preteen angst up to 15.

4. will dipper ever interact with other human magic users? does he practice magic differently since he learned from a demon rather than another human?

5. i know i've asked a lot around the subject of their family. i am just,,, so upset about how literally every adult in dipper's life has failed him. have any of them realized how bad it is (besides ford, though i think he still has a narrow view of it since he's basing it on his own experience with bill)? has anyone realized how the pines parents are favoring mabel over dipper? i'd like to think that, on some level, mabel knows, but she's also known to be short sided (the curse of being 12!).

6. what's the axolotl up to? will the audience and/or dipper see him again? i can't imagine he's terribly pleased with how things are going right now.

7. Is there anything you'd like readers to ask more about/read more into?

as soon as i submit this, i'm sure i'll think of more. thanks so much for the responses! :)

Do all the pondering, screw the haters

1. Yeah, so Dipper's dad is definitely the "man's man" type. They put him in gymnastics as a kid because they thought it would be cute, but when he started being really into it, his dad freaked because he didn't want Dipper to be into such a... well, he didn't perceive it as feminine, per se, but more so kinda... wimpy, sport. Dipper always took it that his dad thought it was feminine (they encouraged Mabel to stay in gymnastics, but she didn't like it), so he has always felt the need to prove himself to him as a man, until Bill came along and became the new "man" to look up to, and had standards Dipper could fit while being himself.

2. Any physical manifestations will show themselves soon :)

3. Mabel is somewhat aware, seeing as she's read Journal 3 pretty much cover to where it stopped off. She knows Bill is dangerous enough for Ford to call him dangerous. More on Mabel's thoughts will be explained in the mini-novella I release between books 1 and 2!

4. Well, he doesn't practice the same type of magic in the same way that other humans do, so it differs a lot. Whether he'll interact with other human magic users is yet to be seen :)

5. There's kind of a reason why their parents are black sheep in their own families? In their own ways, they both suck, and the twins (especially Dipper) find themselves unfortunate victims to that. Neither of them notice what's going on because they're too absorbed in their own selves. Stan wouldn't know because he's not there, and Dipper hasn't talked to him about it. I honestly don't even think Mabel really notices, either, not really. She has it bad, and doesn't realize he has it worse.

6. We will see the Axolotl again, he's watching and waiting :)

7. Literally anything from any chapter, I've put so much effort into subtlety in this story, so many details I hope people will find, and I feel the things I omit are just as important as the things I put in! As well as the little seemingly random details, I haven't forgotten about the slowly expanding cabin in the Mindscape :)

[mysterybooks-world]

Hello guys

I have another one of the reincarnated storys

it's from the Hazbin Hotel series

warning: To watch the series, you must be of age 18 or above

but there is a twist.

y/n reborn as Alastor's father

I've seen many fan art & comic dubs & animatic about Alastor's father being a terrible person.

But some others make him such a good father in the aus.

I read this about Alastor's mother

But not much information about his father

Just this information: Around the late 1800s, she became involved with a Caucasian man and would go on to have a son who became known as Alastor. Shortly after Alastor's birth, her partner abandoned both her and Alastor to avoid possible persecution for being involved with a woman of Creole descent, leaving her to raise Alastor on her own.

So listen

y/n is big fan of (hazbin hotel)&(helluvaboss)

y/n 've read or Watch everything about them Such as theories & fan stories & they songs & y/n even read the comic Origin of hazbin hotel

you can say y/n they are a nerd

One day, y/n are now dead Then you became Alastor's dad

When y/n died they woke up they found themselves In another body,

At first they understand what is happening And when they looked in a mirror It was a reflection of a young man.

y/n when they touch the mirror Suddenly images of memories the owner if this body

(Important note: I couldn't find Alastor's father's name So choose a name for him. else I found on that Alastor fall name is Alastor Hartfelt)

So your name :(Oliver Hartfelt)

y/n they jaw dropped Out of shock. Then y/n took a deep breath Until they nerves calm they down And you understand the situation.

y/n: Okay, I'm in a stranger's body and his name is Oliver Hartfelt

mmm Why the name of Hartfelt sound Familiar

What kind of world am I in.

Usually When I read about This is a kind of storys I may be in a novel or game.

Is there any kind of guide or user guide

They were answered by A blue screen in front of them

and there is Info about me

y/n: Well, this is useful and I have read the writin.

and here my second time my jaw dropped From what they read

y/n:Okay, The bright side I'm in a world of hazbin hotel

OMG I do not believe this. This is like a dream come true But there is one problem

I AM THE FATHER OF AlASTOR

What a disaster

I know very well from the fandom that Alastor did not mention anything about his father

Because he was a bad person and There is also a theory that Alastor kill him

Of all the characters why me. No need to panic

As it seems Oliver have not met Alastor's mother

Then the screen changed Written on a screen say

I must get married to Alastor's mother and of If I fails to do it, then Alastor will no longer exist in the world

y/n panic again: WHAT.

Get a hold of yourself, y/n. You can do it

Although if I fails, I will destroy the future

without Alastor Things will change for the worse.

TO Make it a short

Oliver Try to win a Alastor's mother heart And there was a lot of drama

But in the end they succeeded Marry to her.

Oliver thinking about a work career to Radio host Because they knows that Alastor was a radio star host When he was alive

So you make things easier for Alastor when he grows up

This is exactly what happened

Oliver have a radio station building And Oliver became famous And learn some information about radio and he buy books about radio information or how to repair the radio for Alastor when he grows up

And when Alastor was born, He didn't realize he was crying tears of joy When he was holding Alastor in his hands And in is mind Curse The owner of the body, he knew, he would leave them in this part

But he is not him, he is someone else So he will care his family

Oliver skill set level up When he learns a new skill

Oliver hobbies

1-Playing musical instruments. 2-Hunting gun 3-Taking pictures of Alastor. (Oliver has a whole collection of books about pictures of Alastor and the stages of his life) 4-drawing 5-Making handmade things such as

Alastor is amazed at the things dad creates.

Alastor When he was young thinks his father was Kind of is a magician.

when Alastor grows up he became a Radu star like his father

And when Alastor began his career in notorious and elusive serial killer in secret After his mother died from an illness

There was a detective who caught Alastor while he was hiding the body

But suddenly Someone stabbed him behind the back in the heart

And this person is Oliver is dad

Alastor stood shocked While his father carries the investigator's body

Oliver: son Don't stand like this, quickly, let's hide the bodies

And after they returned home

The next day

Alastor asked his father How long did he knew he was the killer?

Oliver: From the beginning But I won't ask why you're doing this

Oliver: I'm not a person to judge people

Oliver: Sometimes the best people are the ones who are not perfect

Alastor hugs his father and says: thanked dad

Oliver: No problem. I think you are the most handsome killer, he added

Alastor Embarrassed: Dad no

Oliver: Dad yes

Oliver continues to tease Alastor

His father would help him kill people sometimes

Oliver told Alastor about a strange story he had with an old man

The old man tells him About hell When he was a child

Oliver lied about an old man. He wanted to tell Alastor about hell when he fell and Alastor would be prepared in hell

Of course Oliver can't tell Alastor directly

Alastor will ask him how he knows all this

So he made up a fake story about a mysterious old man who told him about how hell works when he was a child

One day

But someone tried to kill Alastor With bullets But his father protected him

And that's how Oliver died

Anyway

This is the form of a demonic Oliver.

Oliver tried to make it a coincidence to meet Lucifer And he succeeded

Lucifer like Oliver handmade things Especially the duck part

You can say Oliver became like his advisor

But after some time Lucifer started to see Oliver as father figure Not only him

Mammon Queen Bee-lzebub Asmodeus Belphegor Stolas Goetia

I've read some fan stories & fan comic that The rulers of hell are Lucifer's siblings

I imagine Asmodeus asks for love advice from Oliver And he talks about how he love Fizzarolli

You could say he became like a royal father to them

LOL

Do you guys remember (episode 5 Dad Beat Dad)

In a song

Hell's Greatest Dad Sing-Along | Hazbin Hotel

Alastor tried to annoy Lucifer by taking his daughter's attention away from him

however, Later Lucifer found the perfect revenge

Lucifer sent some pictures of him and Oliver to Alastor With a message says Your dad is my dad now

Nene Nene Nene Nene.

Alastor went crazy with anger and jealousy

Alastor Knew his dad was in hell With him Because his dad always visited him at his home

however, Oliver didn't tell Alastor With his relationships with the most powerful demons

Because he knows that his son will use him for more power

(note: y/n as Oliver is loves and adore his son Alastor. So if Alastor is sad or frustrated because of him.

Oliver will give very little power and information Until he sees him smile)

Here's the funny part of my story

In the past

Alastor with Vox talk about work

When Oliver suddenly came

Alastor: Hello, Dad how are you

Oliver: hello, son So who is your friend?

Alastor: Dad meet Vox, vox Meet my dad

Vox: Nice To meet you

They shake hands

In the middle of the conversation

Oliver said to Vox What do you think of my son

Vox: He is a good friend, even though he is Trickster

Alastor: Thanks for complimenting me

Vox rolls his eyes:

Oliver: you know Alastor

Oliver: I think you and Vox will be very wonderful couple

Alastor spat out his Coffee while Vox choke on a biscuit

Oliver smiles a devilish smile And continue by saying It's good that you found someone for you son

Alastor: DAD

Vox: Blushing with embarrassment

Oliver: so vox Let me show you some pictures of Alastor when he was a child

Alastor took the photo book and burned it

Oliver Take out another Copy photo book

Alastor did the same thing a hundred times

Alastor:How many copies do you have?

Oliver: Plenty Because I know you'll burn the pictures

Oliver show vox pictures while telling stories about pictures while Alastor hits his head on a table from embarrassment.

Yes, I know, I'm evil

[atinylittlepain]

You have convinced me, please let me know which albums of the great Bruce should I listen to first??

If it helps for suggestions:

- I am very much a listen to the whole album person

- I am very much NOT from america

- I regularly cry listening to music because it’s just, so good? 💙

Thank you!

Okay, non, it is time. I've thought very carefully about it, and I think I have a quintessential roadmap to guide you through my beautiful wife bruce's oeuvre. Before I get into that though, I have a few things to say about his music.

To put it plainly, think of each of Bruce's songs as a story - if you ever listen to him talk about his songs, he'll talk about personas and characters populating his albums, he'll talk about trying to capture certain American characters, archetypes and images that are now of the past. He means that, and it is what he does. Maybe this is a reach, or just me being pretentious (hello, let's put that english double major to work) but his songs really remind me of Flannery O'Connor's short stories - and she would often talk about being interested in grace, and capturing it in her writing. And it's not grace in the religious sense - it's a hard-earned, or sometimes hardly-earned grace, found in those that are failing, those that are longing, those that are young and uncertain and at the same time very old, and very tired. I've seen jokes circulating about how Bruce's music makes you realize that you too have a sixty-year-old beat-down midwestern dad somewhere inside of you - and I think those jokes are pointing to that grace, to something that inherently aches inside of us, something very old, and very human. That is my thesis statement about Mr. Springsteen - it's why I love him and why I listen to him and why I'll be sorely sad when he is no longer here with us.

AND with that, here is my bona fide roadmap to your first trip with Bruce:

NUMBER ONE

Alright, starter album right here, and maybe considered a bold choice by some - BUT, this is an album you can listen to start to finish and feel like you just watched a movie, and I feel that this album captures something essential about Bruce's work, both lyrically and sonically.

my favorite songs from this album

The Promised Land

Something in the Night

Darkness on the Edge of Town

NUMBER TWO

Mannnnnnn this album - I'll be honest with you, it's just fucking fun - some of Clarence's best work (sax man, beautiful man) some of the best imagery, and I believe after Darkness on the Edge of Town warming you up, it's a perfect second listen - it's short, and pretty punchy, but goddamn, it hits.

favorite songs

JUNGLELAND (one of my all time favorite Bruce songs, truly, tears in my eyes when I listen to it, it's that good)

Backstreets

She's the One

NUMBER THREE

So this album is my favorite Springsteen album, hands down, no holds barred. And yes, it is pretty different from any of his other stuff. Bruce recorded these songs on a four-track recorder in his home in New Jersey, with little else - he was in his early thirties, The River had been a smashing hit, and he was depressed. The original intent for these songs was to rerecord them with the E Street Band - however, that did not happen. The songs that did get rerecorded would end up becoming Born in the USA (arguably his most popular album), and the songs that didn't would get salvaged off a cassette he had been carrying around in his jacket pocket, and they would become this album. It's sparse, it's insular, it's unprecedented, and it is, indubitably, my favorite album. (I could make a whole fucking other post about just this album, but I will restrain myself... for now)

favorite songs

My Father's House

Reason to Believe

Atlantic City

And after you've gotten through these three, I would say be free and explore - The River and Born in the USA are pretty infamous - I would say you might like The River more just given the "NOT from america" status, as you said.

favorites off The River

The River (I mean, cmon now)

Drive All Night (makes me cry like a baby)

Crush on You

However, Born in the USA is inarguably brilliant, she's popular for a reason - I'm from fucking Ohio though, so that whole album really gets my gears turning regardless.

favorites off Born in the USA that are, um, less american-y

Downbound Train (all time fave)

My Hometown

Bobby Jean

And, of course, I highly recommend listening to his live albums, there's just something about them - here's two songs to get you started there:

Happy listening, dear anon, I'd love to hear what you think when you start digging in :)

[rose4pup]

Fun facts about me

I'm a m!n0r but anyone can interact just don't be weird

I'm new to tumblr (I came from tiktok 4n4 community its very different on here.)

My whole family is 0bese SOOO

I'm a f00d addict despite trying so overwhelming hard to res

I first image is what I dress and look like vs what I want to look like is second image.

I want to be a game developer for horror games

I love Fnaf, Anime, Creepyspasta,Little pet shops, Welcome home, drawing even though i suck, despite wanting to make horror games i am easily scared.

My whole life i have been 0bese except for when I was 8 and had to move to a different Country City??? I was very close to d!abetic and had to be put on a vegan diet with my sister. we got very th!n and I still thought i was f@t even then. then when we moved out with our dad because he thought they weren't taking care of us when he figured out the conditions. we gained a ton of weight, both me and my sister. i forgot to mention since like 3rd grade I refused to eat lunch, then in 5th grade (184 lbs) i started p*rging and skipping bre@kfast and lunch then b!ng!ng at home. I stopped doing that during summer and gained back so much weight.in 6th grade I would redo the not e@ting,b!nging, and p()rging cycle all over again. during that summer I gained to 194. I then starting locking in, first time I got a calorie counter and steps tracker. but i Iwas more wannarex!c, I'm pretty sure I'm a 4n0rex!c or at least junk0rex!c but whatever. then I moved with my dad again and bought a scale and got more in control. I lost to 175 lbs. and then I had to move with my mom because of financial issues. so, I moved back to my birthplace. then I gained back so much, like I mentioned majority of my family is obese or at least overweight so with all the unhealthy eating, lack of a scale, no self-control, constant fast food and my granny's cooking I got to a disgusting 225. Now I'm trying to lose back all that shit and keep failing. as of writing this i have only had liquids except for my f@t@ss eating four mini reeses from my uncle.

I was really slow in k-2 grade then in 3-7 i got a random boost of intelligence but i wasn't really smart just have good memory and I'm always reading cause I've been a gacha kid since 2018. (if your reading this I promise this isn't my best grammar)

I like danganronpa but i am broke so i watch kubz scouts and biju mike play it. I'm watching the playthroughs in the wrong order no spoilers please. I love fnaf, butI enjoyed the movie despite hating the lore changes.

I liked wonyoungism and in the beginning of 7th grade i had a huge kpop phase but thats gone now.

In 5th grade I thought a was bisexual andIi was a feminist, 6th grade I was a man h@ter and a lesbian despite me being obsessed with male gay romance but whatever. now I'm realizing I was straight and in denial(plus i started hearing stories about crimes commited by men on women and how common it is but now i'm realizing anyone can be evil so i no longer hate me i hate everyone. true EQUALITY) I only had two crushes on girls, and they were just my close friends and I had misread feelings, i was jealous of my best friend(5-now) thinness, beauty, curly hair, fashion, and personality i literally wanted to be her and i was obsessed but i misread it as a crush. then my other friend who treated me like shit despite me being her first real friend. in the past i wanted her validation but now I don't and that makes her mad. Idk but her treating me unfairly and always mocking me for my weight despite being overweight herself manifested in me craving her validation and believing it was a crush.

I've been a gacha tuber for 4 out of the 5 years i've been a youtuber and I only have 1,500 subs i feel like i should give up but i genuinely like my story telling but i never make the videos because i hate nearly everything i make so i never try anymore.

I like minecraft,roblox,gacha,pinterest,wattpad,AO3, and idk what else to add currently.

when i say i'm an anime fan i mean i know a few popular ones, jjk,beaststars,demonslayer,black butler,made in a abyss,danganronpa, ajin demi human,tokyo ghoul,hunter x hunter, Komi can't communicate, blue exorcist, attack on titan,chainsaw man,my hero,helluva a boss if that counts.

I like melanie martinez,aesteria,6 rarely human,ketseki,mitski,ayesha erotica,lumi athena,odetari,rebyzx,thats a few most songs i listen to i only like that one song by the artist and not the rest.

I litterally have no life and sit in bed all day with dreams and hopes but never getting up to do them but the funny part is i can get up to eat like bro thats the one thing i don't want to do but for some reason i was end up eating while thinking i'm never g0nna e@t again, promising to fast tomorrow just to b!nge.

I know its cringe and common but my favorite animals are wolves, A+ for loyalty an family team work. I also love cheatahs.

I love animal facts and documentaries.

I didn't grow up in jamaica,i'm only half jamaican.

Since I was only skinny for 2 years i ate the fact, I have barely any pictures plus the fact in most pictures I do have I realized its very unlikely I will have a thigh gap as skinny me looked skeletal up top like literally dead but for some reason my thighs were still muscly. but ! have grown alot since then.

I love lavender,rose pink and black.

If you want to know (sukuna 1,gojo 2,toji 3, choso 4,I know none of yall like mahito but he 5, geto/kenjaku 6. smk.)

Bye now and I hope i'm not sharing to much.

block don't report ig

[alex-dontknow]

Faraday Heath ramble under the cut because i love him so much uaauauauaua

@taterswithranch @k1rameki

Faraday is an experienced drama teacher and stage actor, favouring in musicals and non-naturalism to engage his audience and students. He has been teaching for a decade and acting for 15 years. His soul genre is Gothic Rock, although he enjoys dressing in the romantic goth substyle. He is Shakespeare-passionate and will defend many theatrical plays over his dead body.

Faraday offers after school drama sessions as a form of "stress release" for students and teachers alike. He knows about the pressure put on everyone in school (including himself) and sometimes acting is a really good outlet.

He is demisexual and transgender (FtM). He's also autistic with misophonia.

in addition to the gothic rock, Faraday has a British dad music taste. /hj

He also has the ability to disperse and throw his voice, meaning he can basically be his own choir. Why he didn't become a choir conductor will forever be a mystery /j

He used to work as a daycare assistant, henceforth he is really good with children.

He has few memories about his family, but what remains are memories of kindness and childhood joy.

His favourite food is bucket cotton candy and his favourite drink is lychee ramune.

He is 43 years old and his birthday is the 2nd of November. He speaks with an Oxfordshire accent and has a sophisticated, yet laid back vocabulary.

He will follow through with bets and student / teacher pranks and shenanigans, although begrudgingly.

Faraday is a mentor teacher to both his colleagues and students, and while he appears sardonic and critical, he does have a kind, caring, almost paternal personality if you embed yourself into his good books. He has a habit of calling anyone significantly younger than him (students and teachers alike) "kid".

He suffers from severe hayfever in the summer and has an ungodly heat tolerance. He doesn't fair so well in the cold.

This man is 43 and he cannot tie shoelaces.

He used to have an adopted child when he was in his early 20s. Unfortunately they ended up passing due to an incident involving the Deadly Musix: their soul genre was stolen and absorbed entirely, killing them immediately. Faraday himself was caught, a small fracture of his soul being stolen and, along with it, his memories of childhood. He no longer remembers his family. He only lives with the guilt that he failed to protect his child.

The device used to drain his soul genre would progressively absorb and transfer it directly into Aori wirelessly, no matter the distance between her and Faraday. When Faraday escaped, he unknowingly took the device with him, for it had been surgically implanted into his body. All this time, it has been ticking down and eating away at his soul genre for two decades.

Due to the degree of consumption his soul had been under, especially with how little is left, it won't be long until it begins to physically impair him. Technically if the device used to drain his soul was removed it would cease the process, however by the time he realizes what is happening even if he were to remove it he's too weak to function normally. He'd be forced to give up his passions and so much more in life.

He wouldn't be able to teach or act anymore.

Additionally, considering how much is now within Aori, the only way for him to retrieve it is to destroy the prison it is contained in.

... Time for a moral dilemma.

The way to keep him alive would be to restore his soul genre to its entirety. Aori would have consumed that lost majority by now, killing her could potentially return it to him, however she also has several other soul genres combined with hers.

If she were to die right there, Faraday would absorb all of them.

Those are other people's souls that he would be absorbing alongside his own. Would it be wrong? Would it be unfair? Would it be painful?

[linkedkeysau-official]

Linked Keys Febuwhump

Days 6/7- Secrets Revealed & Time Loop (alt)

Mask knew he fucked up. He knew it before he even went through with the plan. He knew it was going to end badly, he knew it was going to make his dad furious… He probably wouldn't have been surprised if the Captain disowned him for it. He probably deserved it anyway… But it was his only choice. And it was for the greater good. And Mask had absolutely no problem making personal sacrifices for others.

Still… It hurt to be given the silent treatment like this. It would probably hurt less to be yelled at, which Mask hated. At least his father would be acknowledging him. This… Was awful. He wouldn't look at Mask, he wouldn't talk to him, he would ignore when the kid spoke… He even yanked the end of his scarf from the kid's hands when he tried to grab it to get his attention. And still didn't speak to him afterwards. 

The others noticed this behavior as well. They knew about the incident, in which Mask had mixed some of Legend's magic powder into Warriors' tea, leading to the Captain being conked out at camp while the others marched into battle without him. Some thought it was a prank gone wrong; Mask didn't know this would happen or that Warriors would react this way. Some thought it was just an honest mistake; the kid could hardly read any better than Hyrule could, he may have mistaken it for sugar. Warriors on the other hand, saw it as an act of betrayal, however. 

The Captain's trust issues were well known, as were Mask's. The Hyrulean army during the War of Eras had been riddled with traitors and spies, to the point where nobody knew who to trust, and putting your trust in the wrong person got you hurt or killed. Warriors was for sure overreacting, but he couldn't help it. He'd trusted the kid for so long. And then he pulls a stunt like this with no explanation.

It was not the first time Warriors had been given a drugged beverage by someone he thought was an ally, and to be honest he wasn't even sure this was the real Mask. But when he realized the kid had deliberately given him tea tainted with a substance that would put him to sleep like that, he suddenly found it impossible to trust the kid until he knew the full story. But right now he was too pissed to listen to him try to justify his actions. So he was simply not speaking to the kid. 

Everyone could see this was a problem, but nothing anyone said to Warriors changed his mind. The fact was: he felt he no longer knew his son, if  he ever knew him at all. Time was especially upset by this, though nobody was quite sure why, aside from what had everyone upset: seeing Mask so deeply hurt by his father's actions. But when the kid had run away after two days straight of utter silence, Time had to step in.

"You need to get over yourself Captain. Do you see what you've done? Mask is missing, and you don't even care." Time demanded

"He'll be back. He always comes back. A little time to think about what he's done would be good for him anyway." Warriors replied with so little emotion that it was terrifying. 

"This is utterly ridiculous. Are you even listening to yourself? He is your son!"

"And? No offense, Old Man, but don't tell me how to parent my child. He needs to know the consequences of—"

"I TOLD HIM TO DO IT!!" Time cut him off. 

"I...don't understand." Warriors' anger faded into confusion.

"I. Told him. To do whatever was necessary to keep you out of the fight. You obviously didn't listen to him the first few times when he tried to use his words. So he took matters into his own hands. It was not his fault. He didn't even want to do it."

"So why did he, huh? And why did you tell him to?" 

"Because it was the only way to save your life, Wars! Mask— I was trying to save you. Because I had seen you die, and failed to save you myself, so many times already. So I used the Song of Time to try again, and again, and again. I didn't want to get the kid involved. But after a while I realized he was likely the only one you might actually listen to if he told you to stay behind. So I asked him to do whatever he could to keep you out of danger." Time explained. Warriors was shocked, and suddenly felt appalled at his recent behavior. He'd gotten so wrapped up in the act itself that he didn't think about the motive… Or really who had committed it.

He'd hurt Mask… He'd treated his son like dirt these past few days, and it pushed him to run away, probably assuming he wasn't wanted anymore. Goddess, what had Warriors done…? 

“Go find him before he gets himself into danger out there alone, and talk to him like a normal person, not like a petty toddler.” Time ordered, “Hylia Almighty, you need a lesson in parenting…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I almost didn’t want to get you involved in this one,” Time had confessed a few nights ago.

“Why?” Mask asked, “...Who was it this time?” 

He’d known he was going to regret this… He thought it would be worth it, the risk of upsetting the Captain for the sake of keeping him alive. He knew the rule: no revealing to anyone what happened in the other timeline until after the event in question has passed, and only if absolutely necessary. Others knowing about it, especially the one you’re trying to save, could mess up the whole thing. Mask knew what he was potentially getting into by resorting to sabotage, and still he regretted it, because it only confirmed that he was right. He would always end up alone… History would always repeat itself; such was the curse of one who could turn back time at will.

So naturally, when the Captain came looking for him, the last thing Mask expected was forgiveness. And yet… As he stood with his back against the wall, cornered in fear and shame, he was met with the unexpected.

“Relax, Sprite. I’m… I’m not going to hurt you.” 

“Liar. Why wouldn’t you? I hurt you first… I b-betrayed your trust…!” 

“Listen to me, Sprite. See, I’m unarmed. I’m not going to hurt you.” Warriors set down his sword, which he'd only brought to defend himself against monsters he might encounter in the search for his son, who he’d found taking refuge in a small settlement nearby, “Look, Time told me what happened, and I am so sorry for the way I treated you. It was a huge misunderstanding, and I overreacted. You were just trying to help, and you were desperate… I know that now, and I feel so, so awful for thinking there was any malicious intent behind your actions.” He said, approaching slowly. Mask finally broke, sobbing as he leapt onto his father in a hug. The gesture was returned, with Warriors lifting the kid up off the ground, struggling to hold back tears himself.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you…!” Mask wailed, burying his face in his dad’s scarf, relishing in the fact that his comfort item wasn’t going to be ripped from his hands this time, “We– We’re not supposed to mention it to anyone when we go back in time…”

“It’s okay. You don’t owe me an explanation. Not anymore.” Warriors assured him. He carried the kid over to a nearby bench and sat down, “Just out of curiosity, Sprite… How long have you and Time been doing this? This… ‘going back in time’ stuff to prevent people’s deaths?” 

“S-Since Hyrule was poisoned… It was too close for c-comfort, so we realized w-we might have to intervene at s-some point…” Mask explained. Geez, the Sprite and the Old Man have been keeping this a secret for that long?! It’s been months since that happened! 

“A-And… How many times have you had to do it?” Warriors asked, scared of the answer.

“...Lost count.” Mask replied quietly. Oh fuck, no…

“Oh, Sprite… I’m sorry… You should have never had to go through this. That must have been awful, having to watch your friends die over and over again. Seeing it once is bad enough…” Warriors held him close again.

“S’fine. I’m… kinda numb to it by now…” the kid muttered.

“But you shouldn’t be. You shouldn't have to witness something like that, let alone enough times to be desensitized to it. I… Know I can’t stop you from continuing. But I want to help in any way I can. You can tell me anything. Okay? And I’ll trust you.” Warriors promised. Mask stared up at him, shocked at this response. Usually nobody took him seriously when he tried to warn them of coming events. It had become such a pattern by now, having to do it all himself with only Time to help (if that). 

Things really can change… He thought to himself. All this time, he’d seen his life and the way things always tended to repeat themselves, as nothing more than one big time loop. But… maybe… it didn’t have to be that way.

He wasn’t going to end up alone…

[mamadill]

I feel robbed of sorts in the father department.

Growing up, I watched a lot of TV. I'm genuinely surprised my brain didn't rot to pieces. Anyway, I always paid much attention to the family unit I would see in the shows that I watched. Loving, kind, warm and fuzzy parents filled my TV screen.

I always wondered what that was like. What is it like to have two loving and adoring parents? What is it like to have a father? What does that look and feel like?

My bio Dad wasn't around in my life. I never knew him and from what I have learned is that he passed away in the last decade not even knowing I existed. Having found my half sister in 2020, it has been fun learning about him and seeing pictures. I know it wasn't in the cards for us to meet but I wrestle with the ache I have in my heart from not knowing him.

My mom got married when I was four to a man who was violent. Physical, mental, emotional and verbal abuse was no stranger to the home that he and my mother made with my older brother, myself and then they had my little brother together. Again, it is not anyone's fault-- but that time period made a huge impact on me in many ways.

They divorced I believe when I was 8 or so...

My mom remarried when I was 9. They were married for a long period of time. It wasn't until 2024 that I was finally made aware of some behaviors I had put up with for much too long.

He provided for us and has taught us things along the way. I will never discredit him for that. My eyes had finally been open to his narcissistic and manipulative ways and I realized that I had just had enough.

I finally realized that NOTHING I could ever do would ever be enough for him. I've become a better person, I've become a wife and a MOM... I've helped so many people, I've authored 3 books... the list goes on. The fact of the matter is that he is holding me hostage to my past. He is judging the best version of me against the person I used to be-- there is nothing I could ever do to prove that I am so much better than what I was.

There was some awful things said to me that I was so shocked that this person claiming to be my FATHER spoke to me... one of our family friends told me that in no way, shape or form was this how a FATHER was supposed to talk to his daughter.

Through much prayer, counseling and guidance, I made the decision to not communicate with him any longer. This has brought SO MUCH PEACE to my life. While it was hard and painful, I know I did the right thing.

Especially when my pregnancy was announced to him, he showed little excitement and pretty much never asked about him my whole pregnancy. THAT alone was enough to discontinue speaking with him. I REFUSE to allow that kind of behavior into my sons life. He is SO worthy of people who truly love him and I will never allow him to feel any of the things I have felt from that person.

Gosh, that was a lot of info. I know this is getting long but it is so important to what I want to share.

I have been singing "Goodness of God" to my son. I've realized recently that the second verse has brought more light and meaning to my heart within the last year... "I've known you as a FATHER, I've known you as a friend... and I have lived in the goodness of God."

2024 was hard. But it showed me so many things.

-That GOD was my true father. My earthly figures have failed me. Which makes sense because they are not perfect and they were destined to fail at some point.

-I'm enough just the way I am. There is nothing that I could ever do that would land me outside of the Grace of God. I don't have to work at earning the Lord's love-- he IS the TRUEST Father--- he loves without condition.

-I know I'm not perfect. I've made MANY mistakes along the way. But the kind thing about God is that when we fall, he does NOT kick us while we are down. He gently reaches down to lift us up. Because of the Lord's kindness to me in this area, I've been able to recognize my shortcomings and carry them with much grace. This has been so foundational as I grow in Him.

-The love of the true Father is like nothing I've ever experienced. I think it goes back to another point I made, but you know how many times I have FAILED in my life? I made choices that were displeasing to Him... I know there have been times I didn't honor him in the right ways. But GOD.... I forgot what verse it is-- one of the Timothy's I believe but it says something like-- "Even when we are unfaithful- God is still faithful." Even in my ugly sin... God has chosen to REDEEM my life. I'm not the same person by far. But I sit here thinking who am I that with such sins I've committed, that God would still be FAITHFUL to give me the desires of my heart?

So, all this to say...

At the end of the day, people will always fail us.

Even family. Even parents...

But, the Lord of the universe is the one that has never failed and He WON'T STOP now. He sings over us when we are broken and to the world seems far beyond repair.

He wears many hats and I love that about Him.

Best Dad I've ever had.

"The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him." Psalm 103:13

[mentallydeadartist]

Look who's back with another rambling post :,)

Well, let's just start with the usual, so I'll be opening up the box that is "Stranger by the shore" and like last time this is like a continuation of me blabbering to my friend 💀 so this is what I started with:

"It's way too fast paced. Also they focused on the wrong stuff. Like if you're already having bad pacing then I don't need a 5 min scene (or more) of them fucking. Like???

And the relationship is 1. Rushed, like they have known each other for like a while (I'd say a month but maybe even a few more months (I'd hope)) and then one of the guys needs to leave and the other is left to ponder for 3 years. Then when he gets back he (obv, he literally got back for him) starts flirting and what not so much that the other guy is just going deep down internalized homophobia and is brushing him off. He starts being distant and telling him "are you sure this is what you want" and man literally pulls out "you sure you don't want a girlfriend rather than having me?". 2. The internalized homophobia guy needs to sort some stuff out. He's way too quick when it's a stupid choice he's making. Like for example his fiance (who he broke off the engagement with even before meeting the other guy) is back to tell him about his dad. And while he fosters no feelings for her, when she asks "give a kiss goodbye, so that I'll be able to forget you" the motherfucker thinks for like two seconds ("oh yeah, that'll make it easier for her, so she'll leave me alone"). And mind you, he didn't even think about his fucking boyfriend. The other guy was literally on the side, he was gonna cheat. Without asking, without even realizing it 💀."

Like I said, it was way too fast paced for me.

And yeah it's a movie so "what were you expecting" idk. I guess I just think they could've done it better if some things were cut and some other scenes were given more time. I like the flashbacks tho, those were quite needed and at the right time too. I also get why they would want to show them flirting (or at least, Mio trying to flirt) to not have them rush too much (which, not only is it kinda playing into the "gay men rush thru every relationship they have" stereotype but also it's giving their story way less meaning) and they still failed, cause It's still too fast.

I have to say that this story would've done better as a longer film, a series would've been complicated to articulate tho. It's a rather weird situation.

I also find that it doesn't make sense for Mio to come back?? Like why would you. The "you helped me figure myself out" is not enough at all??? Why would you go back to someone you don't even know that well? How do you know he waited for you? We don't even know if they talked on the phone as much. Shun seemed shocked to talk to him, so I'd assume not. I'd understand if he (Mio) were to be grateful, as shun spent his time with him when his mom passed and didn't treat him like a good action, just like a normal person. And was still there by his side to help him through it. But not what Mio said to him.

Maybe the dub was also a mistake but it was 2 am and I was not gonna watch more subbed content.

Also the "almost cheating" thing just pisses me off. Like not only did shun just go for it (which, at least ask, like it makes sense why you would but you're not single my guy) but Mio kissed her, which you're not better than him??? Like yeah she's disappointed because it wasn't shun who kissed her, but it's still cheating bc again, Y'ALL HAD NO COMMUNICATION IN ALL OF THIS.

Also it's disgusting how after he completely messes up, shun just comes over and thinks he can make it better with kisses. Like I get if it's a small fight, but y'all both need to fucking talk because this could be getting more toxic if that isn't the case.

And then they fuck and it's anticlimactic as hell.

Like why was that even there????

"ah yeah, if people are watching, we might as well let them fuck" ??? What

Like yeah sure, pent up sexual frustration from both of them and also they're young so it's normal for them to make stupid choices.

But also they're both 20, fucking isn't gonna fix the lack of communication??

Also whose horrible idea was it to let Mio just wander with him?? Excuse me, what is he, a dog?? Mio is literally fixing everything in Shun's life and he's still getting dragged along like that. Let the guy rest istg. Now what's gonna happen? His dad is gonna be even more mad at him for being gay and then he'll sulk to Mio and he'll have to carry to burden of that too. And I get it, maybe Mio (somehow) thinks that Shun helping him is enough for what he's doing, but hm sorry to break it to you, but no way.

So if you're still planning to watch it, then just know it's some fujo bait or smt cause ain't no way it isn't 💀

[wokesoul999]

healing my trauma : part one

I used to be just a little girl with high hopes for myself once I became older. I couldn't wait to grow up so I could get away from my not so awesome home life and all the people who never really appreciated me or even really gave a shit about me and my well being to begin with. Those people consisted of my "family". I had friends I went to school with growing up that had great home lives with both parents and got everything they ever wanted because money was never an issue. I also had friends that grew up in the same neighborhood's I did that had very similar lives to mine. I grew up with an Opioid addicted mother and a step father that did not help my mom with her addiction, just made it so much worse. Other than my mom being married to my step dad she had different men come in and out the home every couple months. Sometimes she landed a boyfriend for a couple years but never longer than 3+ years. The men she dated was always the same. Barley holding a job or no job at all, did drugs or sold drugs or both. They were all wanna-bee white "thugs". Knowing damn well they couldn't last a day in a real Gantsa's life style. They all had "mommy" issues which isn't a shocker considering my mom had "mommy" issues too. Every single one of those men put their hands on her. Yelling and watching things fly across the room or hallway was the norm for me. Hearing all the bad things you do but never the good was the norm for me. I was a child being brought up in a home with no hope, no promise, no positivity and damn sure no love. The closest thing I ever got to "Love" was when my mom was loaded up on pain killers and gave me love every once in a blue moon when she felt like being motherly. I never made good grades throughout school, my mom was even a school teacher and I was failing every subject.. that's wild.

At a young age I always got very easily irritated and through a fit if something wasn't done the way I thought was correct. I remember being very emotional as a child not really understanding how to handle all the emotions I was feeling. I often asked "why me" as a child. I hated my life. I never understand how I could be delt such a shitty life. All I craved was happiness and peace and love growing up.

I have always loved hard and always saw the good in people no matter how many times they showed me the bad in them. I always gave people chance after chance. I never understood how I could give my all to the people I cared about but I was never enough. Every single person I've ever loved has left me. I ended up developing Abandonment Issues at a very young age because of everyone leaving me even though I loved them uncordially no matter how messed up they were.

I was S/A by my Grandma's second Husband. I was just a toddler when it started and it finally ended when I spoke to a friend about it at the age of 10 ,she was immediately concerned and told her mom about it. Her mom called the police and they picked me up that night. I was placed in Foster Care shortly after. They placed me in Foster Care due to being "Neglected" and "Abandoned" not once in the report did it mention S/A. I never was asked any questions by the police when I was taken from my grandmothers home. I had some therapy sessions about it , I went to 5 different offices that had this picture of a girl body (pg. rated) and they would ask me where I was touched and would want me to go into full detail about what took place. I repeated the story to so many professionals it started to get draining and I had to re-live it in my head every time. I realized quickly that these people keep asking me about a situation that they are going to do nothing about. I was just wasting my breathe explaining my traumatic experience to people that really didn't give a fuck. I never really gave a fuck until I was older. I grew anger at the fact that nothing happened to that man for doing what he did to me. How is it fair that I end up stuck with the trauma that comes from being S/A and the man that did it got to continue to sit in his musty ass chair and live his distrusting life with my grandmother that thought I was lying about the whole thing.

I've been misunderstood my whole life. I always heard something like..

"She is just a trouble making child."

"That little girl doesn't respect anyone."

"She is nothing but a liar."

"You were such a bad child."

"You never listened."

I was such a "troubled" child because I endured so much Trauma it developed into BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) I didn't become aware of it until I was 22 years old. I realized their was something wrong with me upstairs. It was more than just my shitty basic child hood or how I was never taught to express my emotions. I was always told to "suck it up" , "stop crying before I give you something to cry about." I never was able to feel what I needed to feel. I had to suck it up and hold my emptions in. I always had to be someone I never really was. I was a bad child because I craved Love, Affection and Appraisal. I saw that I got attention when I did bad things, even if it was not the attention I was seeking, at least I was getting something.

Today I am an adult who struggles with my emotions and expressing why I feel the way I feel. I don't trust anyone, because everyone always leaves. I struggle with not feeling good enough for anyone and then somedays I feel as if I'm too damaged for anyone to want me anyways. I come with a lot of baggage. I know this. I'm at a point in my life that I am completely aware of how I am and why I am the way I am, and yet that doesn't help me at all. I struggle everyday with who I am and my identity. I'm a mom of 3 young children. I don't want to mess them up because of my Trauma. I try everyday to make sure they don't go through anything I went through as a Child. Yeah I think I'm doing Okay with making sure I raise decent happy humans. I'm proud of the mom I've become. I learned at a young age what type of mom I wanted to be just by watching how my mother was. I never wanted to be anything like her. I would be a greater mother to my children than she ever was to me.

to be continued...

[moonrisecalamityretreat]

Green-eyed Monster | Yuriko | Trial 4.4 | re: holy shit

[ ♫ ]

All of Yuriko’s nightmares start the same way:

A stranger stands at the door of their house. Sometimes, he wears a suit and tie. Other times, he is a silhouette against the light. He doesn’t have a face; not a true one, anyway. He has a pair of eyes, a nose, a set of lips— but they’re all stolen, a collage of every person they’ve ever met in their life. The only thing that remains is the smile that he has when they come to greet him. 

“Oh, pardon me. I’m ████,, I’m here for the ████,.” He reaches into his pocket and shows them an ID printed and stamped with a logo for a government official. “Do you mind if I come in? I need something from your dad’s office.”

“…W-Why can’t I just hand it to you?”

“Ah, well…you know how secretive this whole business is supposed to be. I know I seem strange, but… your father knows me. Just ask him. I promise it won’t be for long.” He insists, his shadow growing longer. “You can trust me.”

His words don’t make sense at all, but Yuriko is young in this dream. They know enough that something unsettles them about him, but when it comes to their dad’s projects, they realize they don’t actually know a lot about it other than its importance. What if this man is who he says he is? What if they’re just being difficult for no reason?

All of Yuriko’s nightmares end the same way:

Yuriko lets a stranger into their home. They show him something he’s never meant to see, then he ruins their life the next day. 

This dream will go on to haunt them for the rest of their days. No matter how much they’ve changed, they’ll always return to this moment— the moment where they failed to see a lie for what it is.       

You’d think that someone who has been fooled once would know better than to repeat the same mistake thrice.

Yuriko meets a stranger years later on an airship where they’re told they have to kill each other. Except…he’s not a stranger really. He’s a movie star. He wears a dazzling smile, as good as the ones you see on the front covers of magazines, and of course, they couldn’t help but be a little starstruck. They never thought they’d ever get to know a celebrity. They never would’ve thought they’d ever get to become friends with one.

The game goes on. Eventually, it turns out the name everyone knows the stranger for isn’t even the one he uses. 

“Mr. Luc- Loic! Hello!”

“You don’t have to call me Mr. Loic if you don’t want to. It makes me feel older than I really am. Haven’t done anything to earn that sort of address, you know?” He chuckles.

“Oh! Then will Yuriko just call you Loic then? Loic, loic…" 

They repeat the name many times in their head. It didn’t roll off the tongue as easily as his alias did, but Yuriko has a fun time saying it, and they think it fits the man before them perfectly. It was from here that they began to see the man beyond the starlight. Luca Knight was someone you saw on billboards, someone who was meant to be untouchable— but Loic Archambeault, the way Yuriko knew him, was someone who they can offer to share a blanket with and play fruit ninja together. He gave them headpats and even hugs if they asked. He is someone who they shared the same feelings with— on appearances, on expectations, on matters of kindness.  

"You’re too kind, Yuriko. I’ll keep that in mind, but I’m content with just your company right now. You make things….easier. Even if we’re just sitting here, I feel better than I have in–in a while.”

“I could already see that Loic-san is already brave and confident himself. It’s because of people like you and him that I want to become someone stronger. ” (…) “Is that so? In that case… I won’t be leaving your side until you feel better. 100%!“

In their opinion, Loic Archambeault was always better than Luca Knight. 

There’s another stranger that Yuriko meets. They meet him much earlier in the facility, right before they’re transported to the airship. Later on, they would come to learn that he and Loic are brothers, but for now, they know nothing about him. His face seemed stern, and serious, and he hardly smiled. Yet, somehow this is what drew them to him. 

 "Whoa! That must have been one purrty big kitty cat!”

“…A kitty cat? You think some sort of animal did this?”

“Well, what else could it be? That’s waaaay too many locks to keep out any ordinary person. Yuriko thinks there must be at least a very big kitty cat on the loose somewhere. It feels exactly like the kind of thing that would happen in this sort of setting.”

”…This sort of setting? Do large cats usually hang around spas?“

"They could! If they want to have a spa day.”

He was clearly perplexed by their antics, and it nearly made them laugh. But to their surprise, he plays along with their little charade. He introduces himself as Maxime, and Yuriko immediately decides to make it their goal to get Maxime to smile more.

Yuriko never expected to get close with Maxime in the way they did. As time went on, and the pressure started to cave in on them, it was always Maxime who found them first. He listens, and even when he’s listened to the worst of their thoughts, revealing to him the parts of themselves they’re scared of the most, he never judges. Perhaps, that was how their feline-addled brain made the connection of Maxime with the word Comfort.       

On the top of the ferris wheel, they tell him their biggest secret.  

“I don’t know if good people and bad people really exist at all, so I won’t base anything off that.”

“Regardless of what you’ve done in the past… you’re clearly upset about it and clearly trying to help us out of here and clearly also not some megalomaniacal cyberterrorist trying to cause problems for everyone, so I think you’ve learned from your mistakes, at least– not that I fully agree they were your fault, either, but I won’t argue that– and I don’t see any reason to look differently at you for this.“

”…And I don’t think you should be so hard on yourself, either, but I can’t really stop you from doing that.“

Amidst the tears and the crushing relief that followed, Yuriko finds that she disagrees— good people must exist, because people like Maxime do.

Yuriko lets the Archambeaults into her life. They made her feel warm. They made her feel welcomed. She tells them secrets, shows them a side that they haven’t shown others before—

But nightmares always end the same way. 

“Why?”

Tears fall down from their face. The drops stain the wood of the podium. 

They’re not asking about the case.

“Why…did you have to lie?”

“If you never felt anything…if the two of you were always ready to leave all of us behind, then…then…”

Their heart catches in their throat. 

(The world is crashing down around her. She’s desperately searching, searching, searching for what? A semblance of truth? A lie to hang onto? It makes her head hurt to think, it’s much better to let it all crumble away— )

“I wish you didn’t pretend from the start.”

Are you glad to see that kindness really can get you killed in a place like this?

She lifts her head up, her face still wet with tears. She looks directly at Maxime, and there’s a brief uncertainty—as if she doesn’t know what expression to make.

“…Congratulations on winning, Mr. Maxime. I hope…you get to be happy. I hope you get to run as far away as you can from this place…that maybe one day…you’ll find someone who can help you…” 

Yuriko wears a smile—a small miserable little thing. 

They look so broken.   

“…For both our sakes, I hope we never see each other again.” 

Their words sting them more than they ever will anyone else.

[kimboatfloats]

Imagine pretending that you own a vehicle and lean against some random person’s car as if it were yours.

I don’t understand this mind set. So time for a ficlet.

Lean In

In the parking lot of Safeway, Bill slammed the slightly bent door of his 1997 Toyota Previa. It wouldn’t close. He slammed it again and this time there was the tell-tale click.

He hated the Previa and all it stood for: 15 years of marriage to his first girlfriend who was — frankly — still out of his league and it felt like she would figure it out anyday if she realized that her annoyance for him was was something more, three kids with all their kid junk in the back — cheerios shoved in between the seat — some kind of sludge against the siding that melted in the heat and froze in the winter, and a big bushy slobber dog that his wife and kids barely walked anymore.

That was his life. Middle-aged. Middle class — no more like lower class. And middling weighted as his hockey svelte high school body had shifted into a belly and a bald spot that he tried to cover over and failed so hard.

“We’re low on milk.” Was the text. No please. No “Hey Bill if you’re not busy after work could you please pop by the store and grab a jug of milk?” Just assumptions that he would go pick it up for her. For them. As if they deserved his time and energy.

He was ready to turn around and just go home — damn them and their milk! — when he saw her. Midnight cherry red. The shimmering coat just like its cherry namesake. Deeply tinted windows. Aftermarket rims that glistened as if rubbed down recently. All with that unmistakable T that looked like it sprouted wings — and one had as it tumbled infinitely in an arc in space.

“Tesla Model X Plaid.” He whispered with all the longing of a man who had not gotten what he wanted out of life. Not even the manosphere had given him satisfaction because every time he tried those tricks on his wife she would just look at him with pity and confusion. Or worse, laugh in his face.

“Oh Bill! You’re so funny! Kids, your dad is a hoot!”

But a man with a Tesla, he didn’t get laughed at by his wife and kids. A man with a Tesla had a 20 year old arm piece and another on the side. A man with a Tesla had ex-wives and nannies so he didn’t have to clean up after kids or drive them to soccer. A man with a Tesla owned his own future. And Twitter, too. People retweeted a man with a Tesla.

So that was the first day he leaned.

It was only for a minute or two at first. He didn’t lean close enough to actually touch it. That would set off the cameras. It felt so good that he leaned longer, making eye contact with young women who walked within his roving gaze.

It was only for 10 minutes. But for those 10 minutes he could pretend. His hair filled out with plugs. His clothes purchased somewhere other than Costco. Maybe he just retired from the NHL and they wanted him to coach.

If felt good. The kind of good he hadn’t felt in 20 years. The kind that felt like virility and possibility.

So the next time that his wife texted him he went to Safeway and saw the cherry red confection again.

This time, he leaned for 20 minutes.