#as far as giving them idk I’d really rather hang out w someone I like. maybe cook them smth. maybe draw them smth

[wild-moss-art]

What gifts would you give all your blorbos?

Hmmm im not a big gift giver! Probably the best gift I can give is my radiant presence ✨ next best thing, maybe some drugs

[pascalpanic]

Oooh the fluffy prompts are fun! Could you do “are you sugar personified or something?” with Javier?

Birthday Cake (Javier Peña x f!Reader)

Summary: Your best friend Javi, the storm cloud to your rainbows and sunshine, is celebrating a birthday today. Gotta cheer the grump up!

W/C: 1.9k

Warnings: language, Javi has dirty thoughts. of course he does.

A/N: idk I just think he’s neat 💖 thanks for the prompt!!

Few people know things about Javier that weren’t common knowledge. Most people know that his full name is Javier Peña, he’s from Texas, he’s fantastic at his job and he’s a womanizer.

You and Steve Murphy are two of the people with more knowledge. You know that he has a sweet tooth but doesn’t recognize it. You know his favorite brand of cigarettes, his favorite brand of whiskey, he always knocks twice in a quick succession on a door. He’s a wild card in the field, but he’s incredibly predictable around the embassy and as a friend.

You work as an Intelligence Research Specialist at the embassy, processing raw data and turning it into intel. This means you work closely with the agents, but Peña and Murphy are your favorites. Steve is the only man who doesn’t hit on you in the entire building, and Javier is the only man who can do it in a way that makes your stomach flutter a little.

You’re the go-to gal for the two mustached men. If they need data, you’re the one they find. And that’s often- the two men love to make impulsive decisions about fieldwork, and you’re the one who has to give them the grounds to go do things. You’re the one who decodes the wiretap that the agents place. You help with interrogations sometimes, and give the men recommendations on what they should do. It’s rare that any of them, besides Peña and Murphy, listen to you, though.

The three of you are the triple threat around the office; wherever you go, the other two men aren’t far behind. They follow you like ducklings to the mother bird with the information, the details, the who-what-when-and-where to their how.

The two men enjoy you too. Steve loves your baking. It reminds him of home. Javier, on the other hand, rarely comments when food is presented to him, but he’ll eat plenty of the sweet treats when he thinks no one is looking. Javier refers to you as a “ray-of-fucking-sunshine,” usually through a mouthful of whatever you baked last. Your positivity and energy is the complete opposite of his gruff demeanor.

Javier really likes you, more than he should. He wants you, wants to kiss you deeply and lay you down on his bed and absolutely destroy you. You’re just so fucking cute, always with that infectious good mood. You see the shit these men do on the daily, and you still seem almost naive. No, not naive. Just hopeful. That’s rare, and Javi admires it.

You like them, as more than coworkers, as friends. Steve is a funny guy. You like him and his wife, Connie. They’re good company. You live next door to the Murphys, which puts you right near Javier too.

Javi, you two called him outside of work. He had a dry sense of humor, and was hard to pull away from the job. They both were. You were better at compartmentalizing than they were. He was handsome and flirtatious, but you figured he’d never like you. Too different of people.

The three of you shared details of your lives at work. Steve would talk about his adoptive daughter’s latest milestones, about his wife and his arguments. You and Javier didn’t have much to share. Your heart twinged every time Steve mentioned another hookup Javier had had.

Something about him is magnetic. Javier makes you grin and giggle and shy away but come out of your shell at the same time. But of course, you’re coworkers and friends. Just friends. It would be impractical to think that you could be something more, if he even wanted to in the first place.

November rolls around in Colombia, and with it comes Javier’s birthday. November 8th, in a year he refused to tell you. Steve told you later. The Murphys and you are the only people aware of this. Javier doesn’t like a fuss to be made over him. Of course, knowing you, a fuss is the only thing practical.

It’s a Sunday when Javier turns a year older. Connie and Steve are doing something with their daughter, probably. Javier doesn’t have friends besides you or Steve. That motivates you to go even grander.

You wake in the morning with a grin. November 8th. After taking your time waking, you find your way to the kitchen and begin the process. You lovingly fold the dry ingredients in a bowl, then add the wet ones. A beautiful looking cake batter forms, and you dare to lick the spoon once the cake is in the oven. It’s good.

As it bakes, you hum to yourself and find your way to the phone. “Murphys,” a sweet voice rings out. Connie.

“Hey lovely,” you say with a grin. “Is Steve home?”

“Yeah, what’s up? Please don’t be calling for work,” she says, even though the tone of your voice indicates it isn’t.

“Oh, no. I guess you’d know: it’s Javi’s birthday. The two of them doing anything tonight?”

“I completely forgot,” Connie gasps. “But no, not that I’m aware of.”

“Just checking. Thanks, girl.”

“Yeah, any time.” Connie hangs up right as the oven beeps that the cake is done.

-

A knock comes at Javier’s door in the evening. He opens it to find you with a beautifully iced cake, a bottle of whiskey, and a grin. “Happy birthday,” you say as you see him, and his neutral expression grows to a small smile.

“You know I hate birthdays,” he chuckles lightly.

“That’s too damn bad, because I love them. Do you have any plans for tonight?” You ask him.

He’d been considering calling up one of his girls to fuck until he forgot his name or how old he was getting, but he’d much rather be with you. “No,” he shakes his head.

“Wanna share this cake and whiskey?” You ask, hope in your eyes as you lean forward a little.

Javier laughs.

“Are you sugar personified or something? Come on in,” he says and moves to allow you in. You set the cake and whiskey down on his counter and immediately head for a cupboard where you know he keep the plates. “Thank you for this.”

“Of course. It’s my best friend‘s birthday, gotta treat him.”

“I’m your best friend?” He asks, somewhat in disbelief as you return with two plates, two forks, and two glasses of whiskey.

You shrug. “Of course you are. Who else would it be, Steve?” You snort as you sit at his table and he sits across from you.

“Just… no one back home?”

You give him an honest smile, your perky demeanor dropping. “No, Javi. You’re my best friend. I genuinely enjoy you as a person. Is that so hard to believe?”

“Yes.”

You sigh and reach for your purse. “You’re a piece of work, Peña,” you sigh as you stick a couple of candles into the cake. You don’t smoke, but you carry a lighter for Javier and Steve, which you grab from your purse and use to light the candles. “Okay. Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you,” you sing softly to Javier, grinning and looking into his eyes.

He doesn’t deserve you, he thinks to himself. Someone so beautiful and kind and yeah, beautiful, so stunning, and yet you never go on dates or hook up with anyone, even when it’s so easy. Why? He selfishly hopes it could be because of him.

“Happy birthday dear Javi… happy birthday to you.” He knows the drill. He blows out the candles and they go out easily. “What did you wish for?” You ask sweetly and quietly, slicing into the cake.

“Can’t tell you.” It was you. He can’t tell you that not because he fears it won’t come true, but because he fears what could come after it.

You sigh. “You’re impossible,” you tease and scoop a slice, handing it over to him. He pops the bottle of whiskey open and pours a glass for each of you.

“You’re the impossible one. All sunshine and rainbows in the middle of a fucking drug war.”

You shake your head as you scoop yourself a piece. “Someone has to be. No one else was taking the job. You think I enjoy it? I get pissed sometimes too. I hide it.”

“You, angry? I’d like to see it,” he shakes his head and takes a bite.

Rolling your eyes, you take a bite of the cake too. “Hiding my feelings for the good of others since the day I popped out of the womb.”

His face softens. “Hey.”

You shake your head. “Sorry to be depressing. It’s your birthday, after all. How does it feel to be a year older, hm?” You ask, trying to put the facade up again. It only half works.

Javier sets down his fork. “Hey, brillante.” Shiny. “I know you have more feelings in there. Tell me them.”

“Since when have you been one for emotions, Javier?” You ask dryly and raise an eyebrow.

He nods. “That’s fair. But you can tell me anything. I’m your best friend, right?”

Sighing, you look down at your plate. You don’t want to admit that what you’re thinking about is how you don’t want him to be your best friend, you want to love and adore him and be more. Lovers, partners, anything. “Hey. Answer.”

The frustration gets you and you snap. “I care about you, Javier. I like you. I think about you a lot. As more than just a friend, really. And I shouldn’t, because we’re coworkers and friends.” The words flow before you can stop yourself.

He’s taken aback. He certainly didn’t expect that. “Oh.”

You bite your lip. “That’s exactly why I held that in for so long. Because you responded like that. It’s not your fault, either, so don’t say that, that you’re sorry you don’t feel the same, that-“

Javier stands and walks to your side of the table. He squats to your seated height. “Look at me.”

You do, albeit in a confused way. “Yeah?”

“I’ve wanted to do this for so long. I’m about to do this for me and me alone, because I know you want to do it too.”

“What?”

He kisses you, cupping your face in his hands. He tastes like frosting and whiskey and cigarettes and oh god, it’s heavenly. His calloused fingertips against your cheeks, his warm and plush lips against your own. He means it, you can tell it. He breaks away, breathing heavily. “Hey. My ray-of-fucking-sunshine. I want you, I’ve wanted you for a long time now. Since I first laid eyes on you.” He brings your face close to his. “Never hold it in again.”

You close the gap between the two of you, kissing him again. Hard. Passionately. You hold the back of his head with one hand, the other snaking around his shoulder. You stop for a second and stand, and he follows. “Goddamn, you really are sugar personified.” The gap closes between your lips, from mutual movement forward, into another needy kiss.

You throw your arms around him, making a soft noise of need into his lips. “Javi,” you shudder as his lips trail to your jaw and then to your neck.

“Got my birthday wish.”

[fubukiswifenoimnotjoking]

One Punch Man ship reviews bc I’m bored

WARNING: BIG ONE PUNCH MAN WEBCOMIC AND MANGA SPOILERS

GenoSai: do I even have to say it?? They compliment each other so well and are already besties. They make me so happy and I love their love. Genos literally came into Saitama’s life and brought so much new life and excitement when Saitama thought he’d never get any. Genos gives him love and appreciation all the time and never abandons him. Saitama isn’t connected to his feelings, but he cares about Genos and would do just about anything for him, to keep him safe. Genos constantly teases Saitama and Saitama grumbles and takes it with some banter, Genos is super emotional and Saitama does his best to comfort him, they fucking love shopping together and just hanging out period, they talk about the dumbest shit and somehow they still understand each other with the one brain cell they both share. It takes Genos forever to realize his feelings are deeper and Saitama has to be TOLD by their friends that he should fucking realize his feelings already. Just...I could keep going but I’ll stop! 2718873737839439/10 (let’s not talk about the age gap btw, 6 years isn’t bad and Genos is a legal adult.)

FubuSai: the stereotypical straight ship ppl gravitate to. Eh. I can see it, but at the same time I feel like they don’t completely compliment each other. Are they a hot couple? Duh. But I feel like their pride and communication issues would get in the way. 4/10

TatsuSai: hnghhhh. Someone mentioned this before, can’t remember who, but Saitama literally thinks she’s a child in canon. So that just....makes it gross. Same problems as FubuSai but worse. I’d rather see them as hesitant friends w a weird bond. 0/10

SonSai/SonicSai/idk the ship name: eh, toxic. Cant see them getting past communication issues and pride, again. Plus Sonic wants to kill his ass. Also, I just feel no romantic tension?? Even in fanfic it just falls flat for me. 3/10

MumenSai: a favorite!! Wish I saw it more, it’s very cute. Mumen is so kind and would absolutely be there to help him w self esteem and just help him be a better person period. And Saitama would have a cute little kind guy to tease and open up to. I could maybe see Mumen’s kindness getting on Saitama’s nerves when he’s in a bad mood bc Mumen almost never snaps and Saitama feels shittier, or maybe Mumen being mad at Saitama for being kinda lazy at home while Mumen is working his ass off and he’s like babe I just got home, please stop playing the fucking game and pay attention to me I have a concussion again. Prob too nitpicky on this one, heh, but 8.4/10

Genos x Sonic: wtf? As a crack ship, sure. That’s hilarious. But as a serious ship, 1.3/10 bc I could MAYBE see them bond over their love of my chemical romance or sum.

Anyone x Puri: -128382839287473828739219833468282/10. Fuck Puri.

TatsuKing: eh. Indifferent on this one too. I can see them getting along and Tatsu being the mean but supportive gf in public, but a sweet gf in private. King could be like her calm oasis of video games and sweet blonde shy bf. I sway more towards ace/aro King and queer non binary Tatsu, but this is still good. 6/10

FubuPsy/Fubuki x Psykos/idk: hell yeah!! This series NEEDS more wlw ships, both for me to project onto and to cry over. Prob my fav Fubuki ship, cuz they’ve known each other since they were young and had a tenuous friendship. I didn’t use to ship it until I saw that scene in the wc after the MA arc (u know the one) but here we are. They’re big personalities so any interaction is bound to be chaotic at first, but I really think they’d work. Pride put to the side, Psykos could be someone for Fubuki to finally rely on other than the Blizzard Bunch, someone to confide in, a badass partner to fight monsters with, talk about nothing for hours with, be a super fashionable #girlboss couple with, and someone who would really see her for who she is-especially w Psykos knowledge of her from the past. Hell, Psykos might even know her better than Tatsumaki. Fubuki could be an anchor to her like she currently is in the wc, providing a quiet comfort and making her open up little by little. Would prob be toxic at first bc of the MA arc and their desire for power, but is a very good ship I think. 9/10

Speedal/Sonic x Mumen: an old fav! Sonic would have a hard time not hating Mumen at first bc he’s the picture definition of a hero, sum he hates. But hanging out with him would show him Mumen is a GOOD guy genuinely and he’d be like ohhhh shit I’m in love w this man. Mumen would thoroughly appreciate someone to make him live a little, break some rules and stand up to ppl when they talk over him. He’d DEFINITELY be upset when finding out Sonic is an assassin, but would prob be conflicted bc he knows Sonic is a good person despite that. Would prob make Sonic give up on killing for them to be together. Sucks bc of the assassin thing and bc they haven’t met in canon! So we’re not sure how they’d interact with each other, sigh. 7.4/10

Okamaitachi x Bushidrill: a very underrated ship! To be clear, I headcanon Kama as a trans woman and so does most of the fandom. Anyway, very sweet and already built as a friendship bc of their partnership under Atomic Samurai. I can’t remember who writes fic and makes art of them on tumblr but AAAAA it’s so good! Very sweet. Basically depicted Bushi as a nervous himbo who’s honest about his feelings but scared to say them and Kama as a sweet lady who’s crazy about Bushi. Very sweet. Want more of them!! 6.1/10

OneZon/Zombieman x One Shotter: never even thought of the ship till I saw @megidolan art work! Very wholesome, and from what little we know of Shotter we know he’s a sort of nervous yet strong willed guy, and Zombieman would totally help him calm down bc he’s so chill. I could see them sharing cigarettes and talking shit on heroes while cuddling u know? 7/10 only because I don’t see enough of it but very good concept.

Mumarou/Mumen x Garou: a lot of ppl are gonna hate me for this but....I don’t like it. I’ve tried! I just—idk. I’ve read so many good fics about them that make me like it a bit, but the concept is just eh. I think their relationship is, in most reps, really cliche angsty stuff. I wish I could elaborate I just...gah! Basically, there’s better ships for the both of them imo. Sorry!! 4.3/10

Sonic x Flashy/SonFlash: yes!! Prob my fav Sonic ship. They have soooo much tension, it’s almost worse than Genos’ tension w Saitama. Flashy LITERALLY poisoned Sonic so that he wouldn’t be forced to kill him at the ninja graduation. He cares. They’ll never say it out loud, but they care. They have someone who understands what they went through in each other and someone they’re both so similar to, yet so different from. Sonic is more vocal about his expressions and let’s people know it while Flashy often keeps things to himself, they could really influence the other to be more this or that. I could see a lot of comfort with these two, and not much is needed for relationship development; they already have so much unspoken between them after meeting for the first time in years. Love it. Wish I saw it more! 10/11

KingSai: wonderful! Out of the few ppl Saitama is close to, def my second fav pick for a ship for him. There’s a post saying how Saitama doesn’t cut King off when he’s going on rants about games and stuff bc he’s talking TO Saitama, not at him like Genos tends to do on accident. They’re already great buddies! Saitama could find a shy gamer man who he can talk to about manga and stuff and also a passionate bf who could break out of his shell w Saitama and be himself with no lies. King can have someone to protect him, duh, someone who finally understands his weird sense of humor, and someone to shower him in the love and kindness he deserves when Saitama is in the mood to be all out like that w his affections. Plus he’s Saitama’s anchor and brings him back down when he’s super anxious and depressed and tells him what’s up that he needs to fix without sugarcoating it. Would def have a bunch of inside jokes and go on dates that are just staying inside playing video games all night. Domestic af. 10/10

Fubuki x Mizuki: my first wlw Fubuki ship! Hard to find but very good. Mizuki is this big ball of kindness, energy, and raw power that would make Fubuki go ‘Ohhhhhhh, big pretty lady make brain go brrr.’ I could see Mizuki grounding Fubuki when she’s in over her head, giving her random gifts bc she saw sum and thought of her, doing a marathon run and wildly waving at Fubuki in the crowd, and all around being a dependable woman confident in herself and in love with a mysterious esper. Prob a little shy when it comes to anything physical bc she loves Fubuki so much and is overwhelmed by the realness of being w her. Fubuki gives Mizuki advice on ‘acting like a proper hero’ or whatever and though Mizuki thinks she doesn’t need it, Fubuki still helps her a lot w her career and being taken more seriously by others. Would give Mizuki someone who loves her for who she is and would go wild on her in private when she can be open about her affection, would be someone Mizuki could exercise with and listen intently to Mizuki’s physical knowledge, and would absolutely bandage her when she’s all banged up. Hnghh love this ship. It’s only behind the FubuPsy ship juuuuust a little bc they haven’t met in canon so we can’t be sure about their interactions and stuff. 8.8/10, I love WOMEN

Batarou: how could I go this far without mentioning them?! They have SOOOO much tension in the centichoro fight, like come on. Both snarky assholes who are huge softies one the inside, Badd being the more logical one (still a himbo, tho) and Garou being the more chaotic one. Probably take forever to admit their feelings bc they’re so prideful and stupid <3 flirt through constant wrestling matches and it takes Genos saying ‘they should kiss already, they’re getting on his nerves’ for them to finally realize what’s up. (@rayadraws has a great au where Garou Genos and Badd are a chaotic friend squad and Genos is the only brain of the group, haha. Very good au y’all check it out!) Would constantly pick on each other affectionately and switch into concerned SO when the other is hurt like the big teddy bears they are. Raise Zenko together for sure. Garou would fumble being romantic and Badd would find it both hilarious and cute. 11/12

Zombie mask/Amai x Zombieman:

So. I don’t like Amai Mask and I used to hate him, BUT the webcomic and fic have really helped me calm down on him (he’s still a dick tho), so it’s easier to want to ship him and stuff. Bc of Amai’s anger issues and controlling behavior, I could see this relationship being super toxic and icky—but I think they have some form of understanding that pulls Amai back from being a complete dick, you know? Start off as fuck buddies and slowly form something else from spending companionable time together other than screwing. Zombieman pulls Amai back from his angry fits and soothes him over with his logic. Talk maaaaaad shit about heroes, but only when they’re alone because Zombieman knows Amai will talk loud af about the heroes they’re roasting and Zombie doesn’t wanna stop a fight from happening. Zombieman loves making Amai flustered and has a secret check list in his head of all the things that get Amai red faced. Loves to listen to Amai rant about things for hours and loves to watch his face go through almost cartoon like expressions as he talks. He won’t admit it, but Zombie loves to be spoiled by Amai’s shit tons of cash and often takes rides in Amai’s limos when he wants to smoke and think to himself. Amai has a hard time realizing how his feelings have changed, but gets hit hard with it when he wakes up to Zombie making them breakfast one morning while wearing Amai’s underwear. Amai also loves to spoil Zombie and takes him out to restaurants and buys him cool new weapons on the weekends. @batneko has pretty much gotten me into this ship and I strongly suggest looking at their works! 7.9/10

DemonKnight/Genos x Zero/Drive Knight: I’m pretty sure this used to be a crack ship before the past like 10 manga chapters—and now here we are! Not a fav bc 1. ZERO LEFT GENOS TO SELF DESTRUCT AFTER THEY COMBINED TO FORM THE FUCKING JET HE WAS JUST LIKE lol bye SO LIKE if he left him to die that’s super hard for me to forgive and ship grrr 2. Disregarding the manga’s canon and looking at the wc, while I love the little trip they went on where Zero demonstrated his abilities and helped Genos kill monsters, it’s super sus. He knew alllll of this info on Metal Knight and was super supportive and understanding when Genos said he needed time to think. Like,,,what are his intentions? We know so little about him—is he trying to trick Genos or was he being sincere? THAT STUFF ASIDE, they’re a really fun ship. They’re both huge fucking nerds and can keep up with their talk on robotics for hours, they’re both cyborgs so they understand each other’s pain, and they’re both super cool and angsty. I think they could really settle into a deep bond that can go platonic or romantic, just depends. Genos needs more ppl in his life so hell yeah! Plus, he can really let go with Zero bc they don’t have that teacher/student relationship and Zero, if he’s really a sincere and kind guy like in the wc, can be there for Genos and listen to him. Don’t have much to say on this ship other than @wellthisisembarrassing makes GORGEOUS art of them! 6.3/10

Webuiko/Suiko x Webigaza: YEAH I KNOW THEY HAVENT INTERACTED IN CANON AND WE DONT KNOW MUCH ABOUT THEM BUT HEAR ME OUT. Webigaza—cool af determined cyborg idol who’s surprisingly down to earth when talking with Child Emperor. Suiko—sassy and honest fighter who doesn’t take shit and is very passionate. Suiko would go to talk to Web then immediately freak out bc aaaa she’s way prettier than she thought, she can’t do this! Web would have to gently encourage Suiko to talk and at first is like ‘ah man, must be an adoring fan, ugh I’m so tired. At least she’s hot’ but when Suiko snaps out of her shyness Web is like oh! She’s super cool wtf. Always bump into each other during fights and help each other get fixed up, Suiko using her muscle power to lift Web’s pieces (and give Web a great view of Suiko’s muscles holy SHIT) and Web would patch Suiko up. Not to be stereotypical, but they’re def a masc/femme couple. I love the idea of this ship soooo much and I really hope they interact! 6.6/10 only bc they haven’t met 😭😭😭 look them up on here! There’s some great art of them by a few blogs

Dr. Kuseno x Bang: pretty sure @baldyborg came up with this one! Super cute. Just two old dudes finding a nice friendship in each other, maybe after Bang helps carry Genos to Kuseno’s after a day of fighting. Bang would find Kuseno to be a very cute little nerd man and would be sooo impressed by Kuseno’s mad scientist skills. Kuseno would be super impressed when seeing Bang in action too. They’d prob talk as soon as they meet each other and Genos would be in the background like you guys it’s been an hour, please fix me I’m on the verge of death 🧍🏻Bang would give Kuseno advice on training techniques to teach Genos and advice on making his bodies more martial arts ready or sum, meanwhile Kuseno would give his take on how to be kinder to Garou so that Bang would learn to repair the relationship with a gentleness he’s seemingly lacking (yes I’m talking about the chapter where he and Garou start fighting and Bang is just not doing enough to reach out to Garou, he’s being a callous old man! So yeah I’m still mad about that). Genos and Saitama would prob be out on a date and Saitama would be like oh theres Bang, wonder what he’s doing? Then Kuseno would walk up and kiss Bang and Genos and Sai would be shocked like SIRS 👬 Genos would tell Bang he doesn’t need another adoptive dad and Bang would be like....ok.... I see them retiring in a cottage together and Bang would become a huge softie. Yes I’m actively ignoring chapter 141 of the wc, shut up. 7.6/10

TankTop master x Mumen: they have a nice friendship going on in the manga right now! Just bros supporting bros. Tank is the picture definition of a muscly himbo and Mumen is his cute passionate bf. Also workout buddies af!! Don’t have much to say other than pretty good ship, just not a fav. 5.2/10

To sum it up—

GenoSai: 2718873737839439/10, Batarou: 11/12, SonFlash: 10/11, KingSai: 10/10, FubuPsy: 9/10, Fubuki x Mizuki: 8.8/10, MumenSai: 8.4/10, ZombieMask: 7.9/10, Dr. Kuseno x Bang: 7.6/10, Speedal: 7.4/10, OneZon: 7/10, Webuiko: 6.6/10, DemonKnight: 6.3/10, Okamaitachi x Bushidrill: 6.1/10, TatsuKing: 6/10, TankTop Master x Mumen: 5.2/10, Mumarou: 4.3/10, FubuSai: 4/10, SonSai: 3/10, Genos x Sonic: 1.3/10, TatsuSai: 0/10, anyone x Puri: -1283828319833468282/10

If there’s any ships I left out, it’s bc I don’t know them, don’t wanna talk about them, or just don’t have an opinion strong enough. Also, I know there are some poly ships like Genos x Saitama x Fubuki, but I’ve read only one fic about that (it was pretty good, here’s the link https://archiveofourown.org/works/5406992 ) so I don’t feel like talking about it. Hope no ones offended! All my opinion here :)

[unproduciblesmackdown]

get in we’re pondering / extrapolating some pt lore (there’s a tl;dr paragraph at the very end ;w;)

often musing about the overarching Theme/s in the series where there's like, these axes of, hope vs despair, self sacrifice (often to protect others) vs being protected by others (often to prevent self sacrifice), and i was thinking about how those protective self sacrifices (which often generally contain some aspect of hope And despair, the former in that someone is taking an action in the hopes of protecting someone, the latter in that they don't have any hope of any less (potentially) self destructive course to pursue to achieve that, or else they'd be doing that instead) do succeed at least in part. we don't really know what's going on with tutu in the story besides disappearing / turning into a point of light, but she exists outside of the story too and manifests in ways clearly associated with hope, & i think we can infer that her appearance/disappearance in the story did have this effect for mytho in giving him hope b/c like, how can it be a coincidence that the heart shard of Hope happens to be the one used to let someone become tutu, or that mytho was able to feel hope prior to technically have the capacity for it when thinking about her and then recognize as much in retrospect. and mytho himself sacrifices his own heart to protect everyone from the raven, rue sacrificing herself saves mytho from the raven in turn, and what i'm getting around to is that i was thinking about how sacrifices are never in vain, except for the knight's, but then i was like, well hey, what if because the rules of this story do seem to Always Reward tragic self sacrifices (surely at least in part to Incentivize it from the characters, b/c the sacrifices made wholly out of despair are apparently just people losing their hearts to the raven, f, and characters making sacrifices in the hopes of protecting someone have to actually have that hope at all), maybe the knight's death wasn't really Useless

and maybe it's relevant that the knight presumably wasn't intending to die right then, there's no implication that like, he was pushing the prince out of the way taking a bullet for him, just that the knight meant to attack the raven but didn't even manage to do that and got killed instead. but i think we can suppose that the knight was just always willing to die for the prince and there's this degree of inherent sacrifice in that already, as well as in being so devoted to the prince and protecting him, which the knight must've done plenty of even if, in the moment he was killed, there was no direct achievement in protecting mytho / siegfried / the prince. and i doubt that the way the prince felt about it was actually like "oh my god, useless" rather than that the knight did die For Him, even if mytho wasn't in immediate mortal danger that could've only been thwarted by the knight's death, and even if the knight presumably didn't Know he would die and actually choose that, because of accepting it as his only option to protect mytho. and it's evident throughout the series that characters being Real allows them to act in ways drosselmeyer doesn't predict or hasn't directed them to act or doesn't even necessarily know about, thinking of details like, mytho knowing his name is siegfried doesn't seem to come from any Text of drosselmeyer's in the story, or else people would know the prince has a name besides "the prince," and who knows, maybe drosselmeyer's unwritten hcs are part of the reality of his stories lol, but that's a fun mystery element, and beyond that these characters were all people with full lives and interiority that were not / could not have been written in full detail in the story's text and almost certainly weren't / couldn't have been Thought Out in full by drosselmeyer like that.

and i'm just thinking about how the knight is the only prominent character who outright dies in the unfinished story, aside from various, presumably not individually described/named people in the kingdom being killed by the raven, and possible details not mentioned in the series, like idk, whether or not mytho's parent/s died at some point in the course of the story. tutu's disappearance is too ambiguously magical to really call it a death, although it's a Tragic Fate intended to write her out of the story, and there's no indication of kraehe / the concept of The Raven's Daughter existing in the story, since in the first season kraehe is really fully standing in for the raven as the main villain / antagonist, with the raven not being shown or mentioned by her until the second season, and fakir just directly referring to kraehe as a crow or raven during that first season, and what with the idea in the second season that rue was just some random person the raven stole and presumably made up the concept of there being a [the raven's daughter] role. 

(even though when kraehe appears in season one it's clearly a swan lake / odile thing, and i guess you could conceivably wonder like "hey, is she the daughter of some rothbart equivalent here. like the story raven as the primary antagonist"....that's all Meta beyond the series's metatextual layers and, since idk, characters know of these other classic ballets, i guess it's possible swan lake as a ballet exists too. nobody's mentioning anything though lol. now i'm like.....okay so another tchaikovsky composed ballet was relevant / known in the sleeping beauty episode, where electricity was also a thing people were aware existed, if rare, not sure when this series was set but late 19th century seems plausible enough and swan lake wasn't immediately popular so maybe it exists but is too niche lore for these characters to be familiar with it lmao.....but then i'm like wait hang on. what if it must be after 1892 because the dance of the sugarplum fairy playing when ahiru walks in on mytho practicing seems to be diagetic. and then i'm like, nijinksy was only born in 1890, and didn't perform afternoon of a faun until 1912, and that seems just a little late, although at the same time everyone's existing in a fairy tale town and it could feasibly be any point in time outside of that. this tangent is going on way too long and my Real Conclusion of course is that we're not really meant to match up any timeline with the In Real Life timelines of when ballets premiered and became popular / established as Classics)

back to the point: out of the four main roles, tutu magically and mysteriously disappeared but didn't outright die the way that the human knight was definitely killed, and the duck who is given her powers / role is apparently truly just some random duck who happened to care for mytho (thinking about his apparent affinity for birds and theirs for him), kraehe was probably not a part of the story at all as the daughter of the raven and rue is apparently just some random baby who was kidnapped, mytho didn't die because he's the same self he was from the story, uninterrupted, and the knight did die, and fakir is just some kid but is also apparently identified as the reincarnation of that knight. and, whether or not that's just some coincidence or meant to be true, it's true for all intents and purposes since fakir found mytho and chose to devote himself to protecting him and is aware of / thinks of himself as the knight, and if the raven and drosselmeyer could've picked some random babies and ducks to have roles in the story, it shouldn't actually be a detriment to fakir if he's actually also just some guy who chose to be the knight rather than also actually already that knight reincarnated. the roles of both tutu and lohengrin are supposed to be intrinsically limited by their same roles as written in the story, where clearly drosselmeyer, wanting conflict and drama and peak effective tragedy, and kraehe / the raven as antagonists to these two, expect and want tutu to willingly vanish again and the knight to wield his sword and, at some point here, die. which, in season one, it seems likely enough that although fakir wasn't exactly instantly torn apart by the raven attack that Got him, he would've died if not for edel's intervention altering the story. anyway, assuming the roles comes from Choosing it / being willing to accept it and having some sort of magical artifact access out here, ahiru having a heart shard, rue having...raven blood and the fact that there's also the like, actual ravens out there who are Also magic b/c they're doing evil stuff, and turning into cursed pointe shoes and attacking canaries so the prince might jump out a window to save one, and fakir having magic swords. as well as, you know, the prince, the most magic artifact of all, truly

i'm kind of losing the point there lmfao just getting into details in a tangent. what i was trying to point out is that yeah, the knight's the only one of the four main roles who was clearly, officially, violently killed in the story. and then i was thinking about how, as far as i can think, it kind of comes totally out of nowhere in season two that like, oh hey, also fakir is a descendent of drosselmeyer's and i guess has that same magic writing ability. not that i think these season two framework shifts like That, or like kraehe being the daughter of the raven instead of just directly standing in for the raven as a concept and character, or like "oh right and also i'd poisoned mytho back in the season one finale" weren't possibly in mind the whole time, Or that if they weren't that's a problem, Or that either way, they needed to be foreshadowed / set up Textually in season one or anything, since you do need to change things up for there to Be a season two that doesn't have to retread the conflicts in the same way, and that's what these shifts allow for. it's still just that the effect is like, oh damn, fakir isn't just The Knight from the story reincarnated, he ALSO happens to have drosselmeyer's magic powers b/c they're related??? wow what a coincidence, that's so lucky for him in affording him Magic Powers that don't come from the story b/c if he wields the power of being the knight he Has to inevitably die, and while the power to write reality is clearly dangerous and Could kill him (or others), there's at least a chance, whereas it seems like otherwise, if you're accessing the powers that come with having a role from the story, you either have to accept the same fate as in the story, someone with the power of those who guide the story, e.g. edel, must externally alter its course, or you have to give up the role and its powers, like ahiru ultimately did by giving up the final piece of mytho's heart, and fakir did by no longer trying to be the knight and instead protecting everyone by figuring out how to wield his power to Write.

so then basically my thought was, hey, maybe it's Not *just* a coincidence that fakir's Also drosselmeyer's descendent. in the same way that it's not Just a coincidence that the original tutu, having made this sacrifice in the story, is somehow, in part or in whole, attached to the prince's feeling of hope, and able to manifest even once that piece of the prince's heart has been returned and ahiru no longer "officially" has access to tutu's role and power (whether that power is gone b/c her powers were all about returning the prince's heart shards or because the powers she had were the prince's, because of having a piece of his heart). there's already these parallels between the roles of this tragic princess and the knight, both fated to disappear and die, respectively, and the story rewards these noble sacrifices even as it demands them b/c the author loves tragedy, b/c drosselmeyer's also trying to work within some conventions here to have a cohesive story and to allow enough hope in the story to motivate the characters and give everything enough stakes to really be effectively tragic (although he was also apparently writing characters who'd appear and then forever disappear on the same page, so. all to a degree lol). and yet the story and the people in it can also operate outside of drosselmeyer's Intent and Control and even knowledge of what all is a factor in everything going on, because that's part of his power, the stories and their characters become people who are real in the same way that people not from the story are real, and there's elements of who they were and are and can be that drosselmeyer didn't write. rue wasn't meant to sacrifice herself, edel / uzura wasn't meant to help the characters avoid tragedy, ahiru was meant to be powerless as a duck (and a regular girl), fakir was meant to be powerless or die, tbh mytho was probably meant to prevail in the end but also maybe drosselmeyer wouldn't've minded if the raven won And Also definitely wouldn't've minded if mytho going "well fuck this, i'll take out my heart again, regain it, kill you that time, then also kill myself" had been seen through which would've been decidedly ultimately tragic even if the prince also "won," and/or if the prince just kept getting stuck in these stalemates and having to shatter & regain his heart in an eternal loop (thinking of how mytho sure managed to like, phase Inside the raven magically via giant swan made of light (see: my theory that although that's very [tutu] visuals, tutu is also kinda Hope Embodied in this series, and we don't quite know whether original tutu's magic powers were different from the prince's magic abilities, or how, and i like to believe that mytho Can also manifest as a giant swan made of light) which was apparently only an option after he not only regained the capacity to feel hope but kinda had an actual feeling of hope kickstarted by ahiru, who's been and continues tapping into tutu's power as being so associated with / tied to Hope as a concept in general, so he presumably couldn't've done that move otherwise).

SO we're really meandering around here, by which i mean that i am, but so it goes. my point is!!! with All That in mind, and again reiterating how i opened that last paragraph before getting a little off track as always, i was thinking that it might not be Just A Coincidence that fakir is both the reincarnation of the knight / takes on the role of the knight, AND has drosselmeyer's magic writing powers in this completely separate matter of genealogy. (also, i'm sorry, but total tangent again: i'm not 100% on the timeline of things, but i'm like, okay, the raven comes into the real world, and the prince follows it, and then we know that this real world town had like, these killer raven attacks that could disappear an infant or kill a kid's parents. and i think we can suppose that rue and fakir happen to be pretty much the same age, and rue was kidnapped as a baby, so the raven was definitely around then, and fakir's parents were killed when he was like, a young kid but definitely not a baby or even a toddler, and rue was also running around and able to dance and only knew herself as kraehe until meeting mytho and wanting to give herself another name as just a human. so like....i'm bad at estimating ages but like, what, they're at least 5 when they meet mytho? maybe more like 6 or 7. the point is, so there were raven attacks for actual Years before the prince shattered his heart? and maybe mytho was fighting the raven in that perpetual stalemate for all those years, but probably he would've aged those several years if he existed outside the story's [Paused In Time] situation but still had his heart, since it's presumably his having Lost his heart that means he has no pulse and doesn't age and, you know, has lost his memories and emotions. and if we say it was like, at least 4 years or something, and mytho's like, ambiguously sort of Older Teen, say 16 or 17, idk (he's a baby still ;m; but also a fairytale prince, so) and you supposed he aged while out of the story And that he was out of the story and fighting the raven those several years before giving up his heart, that'd mean that when the book left off, he was locked in this deadly battle for the kingdom with the main villain as like, circa 11 years old or what have you. not outside the realm of fiction or fairytales, but still....but more so than that, idk, you'd think if there was this magic storybook prince around fighting the raven/s for years, full hearted and thus with his memories / sense of self intact, people would've been as aware of his presence as that of these killer ravens, and like, actually know who he is, as siegfried, and prior to there being this guy, mytho, who only fakir and co. and rue, out of anyone else in town, realize is actually this prince from a story that exists as a storybook in their world. which, i Guess it's possible that mytho was around outside the story for years before shattering his heart to seal the raven away, but also, seems like maybe instead it was years before he followed the raven out of the story and then once he did he pretty much immediately sacrificed his heart? not that the All Realities Narrator mentions a gap between the raven escaping the story and the prince chasing after it, but a) they also didn't specifically say that this didn't happen and b) maybe it was just some like, issue of jumping between dimensions basically, i.e. from the perspective of mytho in the story he did follow the raven out immediately, only to find that from the perspective of this other world, the raven had been an issue for years and c) maybe this difference in time was so that mytho would be dropped into more of an equivalent situation as he was in back in the story, where the raven had Also already been a problem for years in that story's universe, before the point where drosselmeyer has died and the story is left off unfinished. so here's mytho now entering this other reality, where even though he himself has just shown up after having battling the raven for years In Story (and then in stasis because the story was not able to progress in its own world), and is having to choose to protect these people who have not Just been introduced to the raven's attacks, but have been dealing with it for years as something that can and has killed people, just as was the case with the townspeople back in the world of the story.)

okay i apologize to the readers and to myself, no more tangents: what if!!!! it's not a fortunate coincidence that fakir has access to the powers of the separate roles of "the knight from the story" and "drosselmeyer's descendent in this world"!!!! What If!!!!!!!!! the knight's death, rather than being truly "useless," actually still counted as a sacrifice made in the hope of protecting others, and was thusly rewarded with some form of success, as other such sacrifices are rewarded both in the story of prinz und rabe, but also in the overall story of this series, aka princess tutu, although clearly in the end the Happy Ending comes from not only these sacrifices but the characters all protecting each other so that these ultimate self sacrifices don't need to be made (thinking of how often characters talk about wanting to protect each other, fakir being motivated to try Writing again after realizing all these other characters are doing their best to protect him, mytho saying he won't Give Up Again to ahiru (also tutu....just standing here staring at the wall like blair witch style that he never seems to have known that the duck was not only the version of tutu he'd been encountering but also ahiru who he was like "hey bestie :)" to in ep 14 before getting ko'd and never knowingly talking to her again haha scream that's just. that's fine!!! anyway rue could tell him but then again like, a little late. UNLESS they can just come back and visit?? i have some sense that there might have once been plans to make a season three for the series if possible way back in the day, yknow, when said series was being released, but i only "remember" this from Maybe someone's post from that 15th anniversary event and maybe, jonathan frakes voice, it never happened) referring to his intent to sacrifice his heart again as being that "giving up"......THE POINT BEING. maybe the knight's death was a sacrifice, and according the role that such sacrifices have, that sacrifice had some positive, helpful, protecting effect, and in this case, it was that the knight's reincarnation had these Other powers as well beyond the knight's role in the story, so that this knight could do more but protect mytho some but ultimately die in the effort with that death Supposedly being for nothing, aka the fact that fakir is related to drosselmeyer is thanks to lohengrin sacrificing himself to protect mytho, even if the circumstances of his death did not appear to, and were not intended by drosselmeyer to, have any direct benefit for anyone. did the knight somehow have conscious influence over his own reincarnation, or was it more like, these superhuman forces Rewarding the sacrifice / affording the knight this new chance at fate? could be either i guess!! (and was fakir born when the raven entered that world, or prior? he was as old as he was when he met mytho, had mytho Just shown up or did he really arrive just after the raven and had been fighting all the time and it's just that, for whatever reason, nobody else knew he was there? or they did, but once the raven was sealed away, maybe other people Forgot what had happened prior too, re: the prince and the Monster Raven anyways? since while people had known about the like, regular bird form ravens who killed people, nobody mentioned the big german abstract expressionism sky blocking raven who ate hearts.....and not like there wasn't people dying back in the story despite the prince's efforts (though that was related as well to like, people Definitely knowing the prince existed, and Despairing b/c he was so epic, actually) i don't know, it could be Either Way, i'm just wondering like, was fakir born prior to a character from The Story entering that world, or after? i feel like Maybe some timeline details might've been mentioned re: when the ravens showed up, but i don't remember. although i guess it's not impossible re: this theory that he was born beforehand but is still definitely the knight, and as i type this, i remember the whole "he's always had the birthmarks that identified him as the reincarnation of the knight" element, so it's Already True that whenever he was born, that was the case, aaand also i'm remembering that lohengrin died before where the story left off, and in that story's universe, idk, maybe years passed....and i Just was talking about how maybe the timelines / passage of time are not parallel and Aligned 1:1 between worlds here, so. point is! however it shakes out, lohengrin died for all intents and purposes Before fakir was born, who Is the knight whether or not he's really lohengrin's reincarnation, which he Could be, because lohengrin Was a human who Did die. so!!!!! (it's 6am....i've been writing this for hours lol. i prommy my thoughts would've been a Little more in order otherwise. possibly)

TL;DR: what if, rather than the knight's death being "useless" and his failing to protect the prince through being killed, it still counted as a sacrifice to protect mytho, and when you consider how this Theme of sacrifice is handled throughout the series, it would be in line with everything else if this sacrifice was rewarded even if the text of prinz und rabe / drosselmeyer did not consider this / recognize this to be a "successful" act of self sacrifice to protect the prince, and that reward was the knight's reincarnation Also being a descendent of drosselmeyer with a power that would allow him to protect people without being held to the knight's fate of being killed, rather than it being a complete unrelated coincidence that fakir is the knight And a person who just so happens to have the ability to write reality, thanks to being in the same family as drosselmeyer. what if lohengrin's sacrifice let him escape his own fate down the line and this time "successfully" protect the prince without having to die before the story finishes! it wouldn't change anything in the story as we know it and i think it'd be Thematically Resonant.

[simonsrosebud]

heyyyyyyy

so basically this week has been v stressful for me (this post is mainly so i can rant and get it out of my system).... 

ab 5 days ago i saw my 3 friends from home (i go to college in west virginia but im from new jersey hehe) did an xmas gift exchange without me and i don't care for getting gifts bc im not like that but i was just a lil upset that i wasn’t involved or invited in general (which is smth that has happened often) so i told my one friend (fake names) sydney how i felt left out and sometimes unwanted or whatever just in general bc i know they talk & have a chat without me for no reason.  and i said u know i get it im at school away from u guys but i’ve said before u know i like hearing what’s going on w u guys idc if u talk ab hometown stuff in a chat with me.  

sydney basically disregarded my message and misunderstood it as me being mad that we don’t hang out a lot during a pandemic which, uh, is not true.  it was just ab a chat and how i wished they reached out more while im away bc i reached out and didn't get that in return.  so then she brought up “and u have a large family and i can't keep track of them so don't get pissed for not wanting to hang w u” which- woah.  don't bring my family into this when u have no idea what they do, and also bc it's just not what i’m talking ab.  dude, we were just talking ab a group chat on our phones.

granted, if she'd told me this as a heads up when i came home for the winter i would’ve taken it better, but the way she used it was kinda as an excuse and it was just irrelevant anyway.

she got mad and i said “okay i’m done” and she told me im reckless about covid and that “none of us talked with each other u weren't special”.  girl, i’m far from special i know that.  but don’t lie to me bc i see u post pics hanging with (more fake names) julie and carly often.  i didn't say this bc it wasn’t worth my time, i let it go and accepted that we now weren't friends bc once sydney has a minor argument with someone they’re dead to her.

so then there’s carly, who was my best friend but had also not talked w me a lot since i went to college in august.  i knew in the back of my mind that carly would follow sydney and that i’d probably lose the whole group from one argument bc that's how sydney works.  but i kept my hopes up and today i texted her just ab something random just like oh haha i saw this the other day, and she was all like “how r u gonna do all this and txt me like nothing happened?”.  and i explain that yes me and sydney had a fight but not u and i.  my sister apparently blocked them all on instagram but i literally only found out when she told me so i was v taken back and apologized for that, and when she said “it doesn't matter she still did it” i was like really?  ur gonna blame me for something im not in control of or didn't even know of until right now?  and finally i txt u like nothing happened bc i don't want to put u in an awk position in the middle of it.  we go back and forth, me explaining that i was talking ab a chat in the first place and she eventually tells me how well its also hard for them to interact with someone who said that hanging w us is a chore.

yes, i did say this once.  but i said it to only her only ab the first time we hung out (socially distanced outside) when i came home for the winter.  i called her a few days after to tell her how i was confused when i saw her w ppl inside a friend’s house when she told me she couldn’t do that.  i explained that it was hard to go somewhere new knowing no one and to have radio silence from them when i’d put the effort in and not get it back, so seeing them that day when i came home almost felt like a chore bc i didn't know how they felt ab me and bc it felt weird to see them after that silence.  she was sympathetic and said u know yes i understand that and all- but here she is using it against me when i told her that while crying on the phone.

i tell her this- that that doesn't make sense or add up (im sparing lots of details) and that for her to take something i told her in a state of such vulnerability and use it against me was not okay and not an excuse she can make esp when this all started ab a group chat, it just didn't FIT.  and her response was well “all we do is argue ab this stuff.  at this point it is clear that this just isn’t working out anymore”

imagine someone saying that about your 6 years of friendship just because you tried telling another friend that sometimes you felt left out and like u were outcasted from the group.  that's why she said “all we do is argue ab this”, bc i’ve had the will to bring up the fact that they quite frankly treat me like nothing multiple times.  we don’t argue, i told u how i felt and u think i’m attacking u.  imagine your best friend telling you “good luck at school but we can’t be friends anymore bc u and sydney had an argument and i don't feel like putting in the effort to be a better friend to u”

idk that's just what it’s felt like.

so today has been quite the day for me.  or the week, rather.

if anyone got this far into this post, kudos and give me a quick kalton prompt to do in reward for reading it all LOL.

[majicmarker]

so i’ve had a lot on my mind lately — the good, the bad, the ugly, you know the drill. i’m used to the bad and the ugly, but i think (and ofc by my therapist’s rec) i need to give a little credit to the good, too. not to mention the good is largely comprised of people, and those people deserve a sports stadium wave, yk? idk shit abt sports, whatever, but i know what the wave is and it’s like the grandest gesture i can think of, SO

listen, y’all. to get real here, i hate fandom. my time spent therein has been hit-or-miss, but the misses got me hard and contributed to some major self-loathing, etc etc. we’re not gonna get into the specifics, i don’t owe that to anyone, but suffice it to say things got Rough.

but so much of it can be so, so good. and rn i want to keep on my rose-colored glasses, and the rosiest parts for me have always been @kitten1618x and @mygutsforgarters

(quite a few others, too, but i no longer have everyone’s info. and some ppl are newer friends, or relationships that have moved more slowly. i have mad love for u guys too, obvs, but ik melissa and gus irl so we know each other More and they’re who this post is rly about atm. pls know i don’t want to harsh on anyone’s feelings)

the tl;dr version of events is i met them both via fanfic. i happened upon theirs like “bitch!!!! **i** wanna do this, they’re bomb as hell” and then i made them be friends w me. they’ll tell you they wanted to be friends w me first, but that’s not important bc **i** am the one making this post, so they can both like,, suck it.

ANYWAY.

@ melissa : so bitch listen. here’s the thing abt melissa…… i found her while browsing jonsa fic back when i cared abt GOT, and she brought me back to what i loved so much abt romance when i first started, way back in junior high, what’s up. i bad a fascination w historial romantic epics for a loooooong time — those formative yrs, amirite ladies??? — but girl i could never write it so well as melissa. immediately she struck this balance between the drama you expect from historicals and the levity of a good romance, and i was just like, “hand to god this woman must be published already, surely???”

(she’s not, but that’s ridiculous so we’re gonna skip that)

(also she’s busy?? we’ve been friends for like six years and i will never know how many kids she actually has, but the point is she’s a goddamn superhero and i’m obsessed w her, MOVING ON)

i just Had to be her friend for two reasons: 1) she’s too talented, and b) i have said that abt 2 ppl my entire life and she was the first, so i was like, “AH YES MY HOLY GRAIL”

so ofc i slid into her DMs just as effectively as that one guy i had a crush on when i was sixteen and he’s still shooting me texts every valentine’s day bc of the societal pressures i guess (it is Far Less Effective these days, he’s my age and therefore too young for me, gross, but i digress), except me and melissa go way stronger.

she reminded me of why, half a lifetime ago, i started writing romance — bc it’s fun, bc i want to. bc i can do absolutely anything i want, bc who else is gonna read it but me and whoever i share it with? it was all up to me what i wanted to do with it, and i could do anything. nothing really mattered but what i wanted, and i hadn’t felt that way abt anything in such a long time — let alone abt something i used to love so much.

melissa’s writing is so beautiful, it’s everything i wanted to achieve when i was fifteen and never got around to perfecting. and i’m totally okay w that now, bc what do i need to do myself that she’s not already doing/wants to do in the future? when i found melissa’s writing i found a missing part of me — a part i’d maybe lost, maybe i gave it up, idk, but it was totally gone until i found her fics and they fucking clicked. i had to reach out bc there was a part of me that was a part of her, and she helped me find that again w/o even knowing it.

so i found melissa via GOT, and from the start she’d been trying to get me to write some bethyl. years and years, she dropped not-so-subtle hints — and by “hints,” i mean legit directives that i watch just enough TWD to write her some beth/daryl fic. real crafty, she is.

eventually the stars aligned: i was bored w the same dynamics i’d been writing for years, i wanted smthn new, i was restless, i was line editing a bethyl fic she’d written, and — again — this shit clicked. her fic made me want to explore this dynamic i’d never done before, so i watched the prerequisite episodes (no more than that tho, i super hate the show and i’m begging y’all to not @ me abt it anymore). i found smthn that i’d been missing, smthn that challenged and excited me and brought me back around to why i love romance and, more importantly, why i want to write it myself.

so as i was starting to write bethyl, i was poking around the ao3 tag to get a feel for what had been done, what hadn’t, anything i might be missing. and goddamn BAM —

@ gus : this is where u enter dramatically thru a red velvet curtain that i don’t wanna touch (Metaphorically bc you do romance better than me and i’m cool w that bc your talent simply Cannot be touched, and Literally bc i hate velvet) — i was like, “please for the love of god let her want to write contemporary romance, i need some good fckin food”

i happened upon “doo wah diddy diddy” first. ofc the summary hooked me, forget my usual hard no against pregnancy fics (i have issues w pregnancy and that’s all anybody Needs to know, back off), but This Bitch !!!!!!! has a way with words and i wanted to be friends w her straightaway. lmao too bad for her, now she’s stuck w me

gus’s fics gave me what i wanted without having to write it myself. her style is so distinctive, she hits the notes between porn and Actual Affection that is missing from uhhhh, every romance i’ve tried?? (why is everyone so intent on the sex part?? fckin chill. at best it’s unrelatable and at worst u sound like u’d rather wear someone than fuck them, check urself)

she writes w such care, she wants you to know what she’s doing here, and what she’s doing here is combining the physical and emotional needs of both characters w/o infringing on anyone’s comfortability. you root for these characters bc they simply want to be together, no strings (and if there are strings, damn, they talk abt it).

gus makes you believe in love in the modern age. like, not to sound like one of those ppl who post fckin “no one in this generation knows how to love!!!1!!11!!” memes on facebook, those are dumb, but gus’s writing made me think “yeah man, love ain’t dead, it’s just abt how we approach it.”

(if y’all haven’t guessed yet, i have some hang-ups abt relationships. i’ve goddamn earned those. but melissa and gus both brought me back to where i needed to be — in this place where, yeah, we’ve got some shit to deal with, but we all still deserve the things we want, and those things are achievable. i could not have gotten here without them, so jot that down.)

gus is Real, she’s funny, she’s unapologetic in the way she writes. ofc she has her personal hurdles, but who doesn’t?? and tbh nobody writes a sex scene like gus does. physical, realistic, but balanced w the emotional depth that makes you root for these characters bc you can Feel how much they want each other — not just sexually, but in the less-erotic aftermath of that passion. it continues to blow my mind, bc i’ve never seen anyone do what she does. i can’t even pinpoint the specifics, bc she just… Does It. and you’re reading it like “yeah bitch that’s it,” and That’s It.

it’s fckin wild.

these two — my best friends, the lights of my life, both of whom always make me crave chicken tenders at THE most inconvenient hours bc somehow we always talk abt chicken or ice cream or ultimately DQ, but they're both so hot idec — have something special.

i really, really want them both to know that: it’s not just in how they’ve treated me as a friend, but who they are as people, in their creative pursuits. i’ve never known support the way they’ve shown me; i’ve never known this much enthusiasm or investment or belief that i can do what i want with my talent. i want them to know that i feel the same way abt them and their works.

sometimes, when i look back at their writing that completely kicked my ass, i still can’t believe that they’ve become two of my best friends. it’s totally bonkers. they’re This Talented, and they wanna be friends w my spastic ass? GIRL. i’m out.

i’m not always the best at being present, at giving people what they need when they need it. but with everything that melissa and gus have given me in the past few years, i need them to know this — honey!!! i need all y’all to know this, bc i know fandom shit is hard, but you should know some of these friendships are so, so worth all that bullshit, so —

they have so much to give, so much to say, so much to offer. i could not have kept going without them. i couldn’t believe in myself without the faith they’ve given to me. i hope that i can always give that same faith right back.

and that, babes, is what real soulmates are all about.

[oliveiraveiro]

Drunken Nights and Unspoken Words

Open Heart, Rafael Aveiro x F!MC (Estelle Valentine)

In which Estelle recalls a few memorable drunk conversations she had with Rafael. While there is one that made her smile again, the rest give more pain to her already broken heart. But what happens when unspoken words and feelings are finally spoken?

w // some fluff (in flashbacks), overall angst, curse word, happy open ending

word count: 2660

ao3 link

note: what is it with me and drunk, breakup prompts?? idk either please just bear with me. I have some ideas for a second part but not entirely sure about writing it, so let me know what you think or if you have suggestions

+ I know it’s been forever but I dedicate this to @violentinenow​ <3 still just attempting to write sksk but I hope you like it

Rafael is a cute type of drunk.

Not the giggly one. Rather, he was the drunk whose musings are, as said, cute.

As Estelle drank her vodka cocktail alone in her apartment, she can’t help but to think about her ex-lover, and a few of his drunk ramblings.

“You... do you know Estelle means star?” he asked her sleepily.

As they laid together in her bed after a karaoke night with their friends, it was obvious he was already trying his best to stay awake.

“Mm, I do,” She ran a hand through his hair, pushing it back and away from his face, while she had a small smile on her own.

Technically, the Latin name Stella meant star, and Estelle is only the French version of it, but she did not need to get into that now. She was a little tipsy herself, but it was obvious the other was more drunk, and sleepier.

“Good. And you know... Valentine’s Day is basically... uh... Heart’s day, right? So Valentine is heart?” Rafael continued, and Estelle let out a soft chuckle.

“Basically, yes.” she agreed.

“You always call me Superman, don’t you? And so I thought, I should also give you your own superhero name. It’s Star-Heart.”

Estelle smiled even more, and she realized she had been smiling for too long already when her cheeks started to hurt. “That’s adorable, Superman. That is officially my superhero name starting tonight. Star-Heart reporting for duty.”

Rafael couldn’t help his wide grin. “I’m glad you like it. It’s just so fitting, you know? Not just... not only with the- with...your names. Star because you’re so bright, Estelle. And you- you light up any room you walk into. And heart... you’re so, so kind. I love that you still have a kind heart no matter how brilliant you are. I...”

He was clearly about to say something more, and she could almost see the gears in his head turning as he frowned, debating in his head whether he should continue or not.

Obviously deciding against it, Rafael gave her another sheepish grin. “Boa noite, meu amor.”

Estelle smiled at him, despite her heart going crazy. She wanted to finally hear the words he’s always hinted. Hell, she wanted to tell him that herself. But if even drunk him was still not ready, then she figured she should continue biting on her tongue.

“It’s Star-Heart to you, senhor.” she just said, continuing to humor him.

That was a nickname that never really stuck between the two of them, but there were a few weeks that Rafael received texts from Star-Heart instead of favorite doctor. Estelle remembered the first time she changed her contact name on his phone, teasing him about that night. Whenever she noticed he changed it back she’d change it again, and it went on for a few weeks.

It stopped after a particular Friday night and they went out for drinks again.

They sat together in a booth, their friends scattered around the bar doing their own thing, and as soon as Estelle got her hands on Rafael’s phone she decided to check her name yet again then change it. However, instead of seeing favorite doctor, like always, the name read meu amor.

She recalls almost having the guts to actually say the three words.

“My love?” She gave him a playful grin, this time more intoxicated than she usually lets herself be. “You always call me that.”

Estelle was somehow able to grin wider as she watched Rafael blush.

“You don’t like it? I can–”

She was quick to interrupt him. “No! I like it,” she promised. “But do you mean it?” She set his phone back down on the table, resting her hand atop his, lightly squeezing.

“Of course I do, Estelle. You know, I do.”

“Then say it,” she dared, heart hammering in her chest. Rafael smiled wide, just about to, but Estelle interrupted him again.

“Actually, no, let me say it.” She almost giggled as they both blushed, staring at each other’s eyes, and she also took his other hand in hers. “Rafael Aveiro, my Superman–”

“GO! KARTS! GO! KARTS! GO! KARTS!” their friends started chanting back to their booth before she could continue.

They were sober enough to agree to go racing but still with alcohol in their systems to drag the two of them with the rest of the gang.

They slept in the same bed again that night, but her short moment of courage was over. And neither of the two had it in them to bring it up again.

Estelle takes three gulps of her drink. They were both really stupid. She was stupid.   

How hard was it to tell the person you love that you love them? She screams in her mind that it literally only took three words, and once again she feels angry at herself for being a coward. If she had been brave, maybe she wouldn’t be drinking herself to sleep in her room right now. Or maybe she’d still be drunk, but so would Rafael be, and they’d cuddle up in her bed like they used to and sleep comfortably in each other’s arms.

The what ifs are quick to invade Estelle’s mind.

What if she said ‘I love you’ that night? What if he did? Would he still leave her for Sora, or those three unspoken words would have been enough to make him stay?

The last time she let herself think about him, she already promised she won’t blame herself anymore. It was important she knew that it wasn’t her fault, and that Rafael left because he wanted to. He simply made a choice: his own.

But with the earlier events of tonight, she wasn’t sure about that anymore.

Right after her shift and she got time to freshen up, she made her way to Donahue’s. She headed straight to the bar to get herself a drink, not even waiting for her friends anymore. She waited to get the attention of the bartender who was currently talking to a drunk customer, refusing them another drink.

With a singular focus to get a shot, she realized about a minute too late who the said customer was, now broadcasting not only to the bartender but to the people around him that he probably needs someone to call him a car.

“Rafael?” She walked towards him, simply giving the bartender an apologetic smile and they share a nod.

Before she can fully wrap her head around the situation, Estelle finds herself in a booth with Rafael. It is painfully familiar to how they used to spend the end of their work week. Although instead of having a few bottles and glasses and an assortment of finger foods in front of them, Rafael is drinking water and Estelle had yet to take the first swig of her beer.

They still hang out, sure. They never really stopped even after they ‘broke up’, but nowadays only with Bryce and her other roommates. Being in this scenario now, it feels like crossing a line.

“How’s your week?” Rafael asks, but quickly catches himself. “Or…uh, I’m– should I not ask?”

“It’s okay,” she gives him a small smile. “Work is…work. I guess just the usual.”

She takes a moment to take him in, staring up into his brown eyes and swallowing the lump in her throat. “Should I ask about how the suspension’s going?”

He grins, and she isn’t sure if it’s just the alcohol or the smile really doesn’t reach up his eyes. “It sure is going.”

“Somehow I just perfectly understand that,” she gives him another smile. Estelle thinks to herself that so far this was going well. What they had was pretty special: maybe they can truly get past the awkwardness and be normal friends.

But what he says next makes her forget that thought in less than a second. “We broke up.”

“You and…Sora?” she asks. She instantly realized it was a useless response, but she was too surprised. Why? And is he telling this to her as his friend or his ex-lover?

Thankfully being a smartass isn’t really Rafael’s style. “Yeah, Sora and I.”

“What happened?” About a hundred emotions floods her chest, but she chooses to focus on genuine concern for her obviously upset friend. She realizes only now just how deep his frown was, and that there was hurt and longing behind his eyes.

“She said she was disappointed that it took me this long to open up about…us.”

She found it hard to find her next words, cheeks burning upon hearing his words. “And she broke up with you because of that?”

“No, not exactly. I…I told her I loved her.” At this point Rafael’s eyes can’t meet hers, his finger tracing circles on his glass.

“So she broke up with you because she doesn’t feel the same way? Oh, that sucks, Raf. I’m so sorry...” Estelle feels for him and wishes he didn’t have to go through this. Yes, she vividly felt the pain clenching her heart which extended all the way to her fingertips as her mind repeated that fact that the person she loves just told her he loved someone else. But Rafael is such a genuine, sweet person. No matter what happened between them he only deserves happiness.

He smiles, but she sees just how empty it was. “She said she does. She broke up with me because according to her I don’t feel the same way.”

“That… doesn’t make sense. You just told her you loved her, didn’t you?”

“Sometimes we say things we don’t really mean,” he quotes Sora’s words. “It just… yeah, it sucks. You’d think at our age I’d be better at relationships already but here I am.”

Estelle responds with silence and looks down at his free hand resting on the table. She wants to take it, to let him know she’s right here with him despite not having the right words. But everything he’s said so far, she is yet to absorb. So she decides against it– biting onto her lip softly as she waited for him to continue.

“Do you think I shouldn’t have said it?” he asks after a long moment. “Not tell her I loved her?”

She fights back the tears that threatened to form in her eyes. “Raf, I’m sure–”

“It’s not like I don’t love her, you know? I guess maybe… maybe it’s too early to say it. And she’s right, I do have complicated feelings. But I know we can have something– special.” Rafael interrupts. “I just thought, with the two of us, I waited far too long to tell you how I really felt. And we… I mean I– I ruined it and I… we, didn’t work out. So I thought getting it out there early, telling her I love her, would… make it work.”

Estelle takes a moment to let that sink in, but ultimately fails. The only thing her brain processed was about him not telling her the truth. “You waited too long to tell me what?”

He sighs softly. “You know what I’m talking about, Estelle.”

“No, I actually don’t, Raf. And I think you should just be straight with me right now because you broke up with me. And now it seems you’re implying that you didn’t get the chance, like I didn’t give you a chance, to tell me that–” she stops herself, realizing her raising tone.

Her cheeks flushes in anger, fist clenching under the table. She’s thought about this happening countless of times, but not like this. Not only he was drunk, but he didn’t even plan the confession.

Rafael’s eyes widen as he slowly understood what she said, and he quickly looks at her apologetically. “I’m sorry, Estelle. I know that. But what I’m saying this time is true, I loved you. And fuck, it’s stupid and a complication, and might be the actual reason why Sora ended things with me last week, but I still do, Estelle. It’s...”

He swallows the lump in his throat, biting on his lip, his words and emotions currently all over the place and obviously so. He’s starting to realize that he’s being insensitive, that he shouldn’t be saying all these to her. He’s aware he might be hurting her right now, but God, he’s kept this for so long and he wouldn’t be able to sleep if he keeps it for one more night. He’d already wasted plenty of chances. Tonight’s stolen chance, this is finally going to be the one he takes.

“Before anything else, we’re friends, Estelle. So I owe it to you to be honest, and because I’ll go crazy if I don’t let you know. I’m still in love with you.”

Not like this. Tears pool in her eyes, making her vision blurry. She instinctively blinks, only making it stream through her cheeks. Rafael looks extremely guilty upon seeing her crying, but he’s unable to move nor speak again.

She knew he’s not doing this to be cruel. He’s probably barely registering his confessions in his mind, and only more oblivious to the fact that what he’s saying is not pleasant and is hurting her. She’s mad at the situation. She’s mad at what’s happening, very, but she blames the alcohol and not him. But even so, she just couldn’t take any more.

By the time a full minute passes, she is already out of the bar. She spends a few moments in the back alley crying as she spammed Bryce with texts, telling him to take care of their drunk friend. As soon as he assures her he will, she leaves and makes her way home, but only after buying drinks from the nearest convenience store.

And so now, she is laid on a blanket on her floor, finishing her third-or-maybe-fourth bottle, thinking about her ex-lover. Or is it just lover now, with his admission? God, tonight was messy.

Where was the drunk Rafael who gave her a superhero name? The one who goes on and on about how amazing she was. The one who argued to her unprovoked that homemade cooking is always better, and actually made some good points. What horrible thing did she do that she had to cross paths with Rafael tonight when he’s too honest and far from having cute ramblings?

I love you. Oh, this godawful phrase. When she’s kept up awake at night, it’s almost always because of these three words. The irony that she’s just as restless even after finally hearing it from him.

She loves him, that was still a fact, yes. Perhaps that’s what makes everything more complicated.

Does it mean they’ll get back together? Does he even want them to? Does she?

Fortunately, she didn’t have to come to a conclusion tonight. And soon enough she falls asleep with even more thoughts about Rafael.

The hangover next morning isn’t so bad. The universe is probably making it up to her after last night’s events. She starts to think that today would be good. It’s her day off, after all. But, soft knocks at her door already interrupts her.

She sits up, swallowing the lump in her throat. Somehow she already knows exactly who it is right outside her room.

“Estelle?” Rafael calls. “It’s me. I brought you coffee and pancakes.”

I love you. She immediately thinks as she starts to get up. She realizes just what she thought a few seconds later, and she stops for a moment, but goddammit, she does love him, even without food involved. They’ll figure it out, like real adults this time. Hopefully.

Estelle opens the door and greets him with a smile. “Hey. You don’t look too bad for someone hungover.”

He smiles sheepishly, holding out his takeout. “How’s this for starting my apology?”

“Happy to let you know you’re off to a great start. Come on in, Superman.”

[dc41896]

You Again (3)

Ok so as y’all have probably noticed I’ve been very much in my Chris feels lately and I just want to apologize really quick for the spam lol. Eventually the stories for him won’t be as frequent, however when that will be idk 😅. Hopefully you guys don’t mind though and again sorry for the spam!

Pairing: fratboi!Chris EvansxBlack Reader

⚠️: None💕!

“Ok so we talked about the basics like position and function, now I think we should add if there’s any diseases that affect it or what could happen if it’s damaged like with Phineas Gage and the iron rod,” Chris explains taking turns looking between you and his laptop screen.

“Oh, um yea that sounds good,” you respond slightly caught off guard from how well everything was currently going. You had your notes lying in front of you to make sure you were putting the correct information on the slides, but you honestly didn’t need them from Chris recalling everything, word for word, from memory as if he was a human textbook.

“What, surprised that I actually know something sweetheart?”

“No, I know you’re smart and have since we were little it’s just...you say and do dumb stuff sometimes, which can make some question that.”

Chuckling as he places his hand over his chest; you find yourself giggling as you’re immediately brought back to when you were kids. Even then, you thought his laugh was adorable and even tried to copy it, which Chris took the wrong way and thought you were making fun of him.

It was your first fight and you practically begged him as tears streamed down your face to understand that it was a good thing.

Seeing you cry then made him cry, and of course after hearing about two distraught kids on the playground, your teacher took both of you aside to try to figure out what happened. Long story short, it was a very eventful recess.

“Wris sing!,” his niece, Alana, excitedly announces running up to her uncle’s leg.

“Not right now Stink I’m working on something ok? Maybe later.”

“Tay,” she sighs, disappointment over her face as Chris picks her up to rest her head on his shoulder while he continues to type.

“Wait sing? You sing?” Sitting back in your seat with arms crossed over your chest, an amused expression covers your face.

“I mean not on the regular, she just likes this song and wants people to sing it with her so I’ll do it sometimes. But we’re working now so don’t get your hopes up about a full routine.”

“Actually I think we deserve a little break from all this excruciating work we’ve done. Don’t you Alana?”

“Yea!! Wris sing!”

“Yea c’mon Wris,” you smirk as she pulls his hand towards the play room. A large sigh escaping his pink lips, his eyes stay glued to you for a few extra seconds as if thinking of something before smiling at his niece as he stands from his chair to follow behind.

“You know what? Why don’t we have Y/N sing with us too?”

“Yay!!”

“Oh no, you don’t want to hear me sing. I’m sure you’d rather want your uncle.”

“Nonsense! The more the merrier right Stink?” Grabbing your hand, he leads you to the light pink playroom littered with various toys along the cream colored carpeted floor and books perched on white shelves lining the wall.

Turning on the small circular speaker sat on one of the shelves, upbeat music begins to fill the room as she bounces up and down clapping her hands. Walking up to his niece as he sings, he takes her small hand and twirls her around making her giggle.

“I'm telling you, darling

The minute you're calling

I'll be there in a hurry,

No matter how far

It could be to the stars

Yeah, I'll be there, don't you worry,

With you I stay fly

To the sky

With you I stay fly

To the sky”

Smiling as you watch them dance, you don’t know what surprises you more the fact that he actually sounded decent or that he was capable of doing something so cute and not annoying for once. Skipping over to you, Alana grabs your fingers pulling you over to their small group.

“Dance too!,” she giggles joining your hand with Chris’ as she holds onto both of your free hands making a circle with the three of you.

Lightly twisting along with her, all that can be heard over the music is all of your laughter and the occasional small thumping of her tiny feet hitting the floor after you and Chris lift her in the air.

Bending down, he picks Alana up holding her on one arm before twirling you with the other while she excitedly squeals. Making your way back around to face him, you momentarily lose your balance causing your body to press against his as you try to avoid stumbling.

“Careful sweetheart. You know you were always a bit clumsy,” he smirks making you roll your eyes before laughing at yourself.

“And what’s going on here?,” a voice asks from the doorway startling the both of you.

“Mommy!” Running up to the woman with similar features to Chris, Alana jumps into her arms kissing her on the cheek.

“Hey sweetie! Did you have fun with your uncle and his friend?”

“Sarah this is Y/N, we’re working on a project together so I invited her over.”

“Wait Y/N?! Oh my gosh it’s been so long!,” she smiles walking over to where you and Chris were standing. “I remember when you were a little girl playing with this pain over here. How’ve you been?”

“Good, just ready to graduate and be done with school.”

“Yea I bet, but you guys only have a month left so you’ll be done before you know it. Do you know what you want to do after?”

“Yea I’m hoping to be a nurse in the hospital or one of the clinics but then again we’ll see what happens.”

“Juice pwease!,” Alana interrupts with a smile making the three of you giggle.

“Alright sweetie it’s coming up. Were you guys gonna stay for dinner?”

“Nah maybe next time, I got a meeting to go to in a couple hours so we should get going. Bye stink!,” he answers tickling her sides. “Bye adult stink.”

“Be glad I’m holding a child right now,” she glares smacking his arm as he laughs. “Bye Y/N it was nice seeing you again and good luck with everything!”

“Bye pwetty!!,” Alana adds waving her hand.

“Thanks Sarah and bye Alana! Be good ok? Unless you’re with your uncle Chris then do whatever you want,” you smile making both of them giggle as Chris rolls his eyes.

———

“Trying out for Fast and Furious 13 are we?,” you ask as you enter the restaurant.

“Calm down I wasn’t going that fast.”

“Your foot was pressed so hard on the pedal I thought it was gonna go through the floor and you’d run the car yourself like Fred Flinstone.”

“And yet we still made it safe so you don’t have to worry your pretty little head about it sweetheart,” he smirks following you to the register.

“Aww look at you two! Me and my Harold fuss like that all the time,” a middle aged woman with glasses sitting at the bar smiles. “How long have you been dating?”

“Oh we’re-,”

“Six months and 10 days. But it feels longer which is crazy,” he interrupts putting an arm around your shoulders.

“Well I wish you guys many more months of happiness, and might I add you are a beautiful couple.”

“Thank you! I hope so too because heaven knows how I’d be if I lost her.”

“Yea I’d hate to be without him,” you fake smile as he kisses your temple. Collecting the last of her things, she hangs her purse on her shoulder before giving you both a final wave as she walks out the door.

“New rule,” you speak elbowing him in the side causing a small grunt to escape his lips before he chuckles. “Never do any of what you just did again. Now I need to disinfect my face when I get back to the room.”

“Jeez so violent,” he smirks rubbing his side. “This is how you show appreciation when I’m treating you to food?”

“Correction you treated me to a ride, but I can pay for myself.”

“I know you can, I’m just trying to pay you back for helping.”

“And I appreciate that but there’s no argument, I can get my own food,” you sarcastically smile.

“Yea there wasn’t an argument until you started one, like always,” he answers copying your expression.

“I don’t always start arguments-,”

“Oh my gosh Chris hi!” Turning towards the register, you see a familiar looking slender girl around your age carrying two red cups. Red hair pulled up in a ponytail, she rushes around the counter excitedly smiling as she places the cups down before wrapping her arms around his neck giving him a quick, yet very extra, hug. “That pool party was insane!”

“Ahh that’s where I’ve seen her from,” you thought as you stood listening to their conversation.

“I know right, we definitely gotta have another one soon. Oh Jessica this is Y/N, Y/N this is Jessica, you guys have probably seen each other around campus.”

“Yea I think I’ve-,”

“Hmm no I don’t think so, but anyway yes to another one!,” she interrupts immediately directing her attention back to Chris and making you silently laugh to yourself in disbelief. “Especially towards the end of the semester like maybe even after graduation!”

“You know that’s a good idea, I’ll talk to the boys about it and see what they say.”

“If it’s coming from you I’m sure they’ll say yes. Just make sure I’m invited.”

“Of course!,” he smiles making her blush as she twirls her hair with her index finger. Making eye contact with someone behind you, she removes herself from her trance before picking up the two cups now saturated with dew.

“Excuse me, I have to take these to a table really quick. I’ll take your order when I get back,” she smiles as she passes the both of you, purposely leaning more into Chris so she could graze her arm against his.

“Well she was nice,” you speak sitting in one of the empty barstools as you wait for her to return.

“Am I sensing a bit of jealousy?,” he asks propping one foot on the lower bar of your stool as he grabs the back railing, fingertips occasionally touching your back.

“You know what, yes I am jealous. Of the fact that she doesn’t have to be near you right now while I’m stuck here looking at your face.”

“First stalking now staring at my face?! I have to say I’m flattered.”

“Don’t be because I definitely have not, and will not, do any of those. Now I’m sure your little flirt buddy back there would happily do those for you.”

“I was not flirting, that was called being nice and charming.”

“Oh please, I was just about to ask should I leave with all her hair twirling and your ‘of course you’re invited, why wouldn’t I invite all available girls in the state?’,” you mock immitating both of their voices while scrolling through Instagram.

“Clearly you don’t know how flirting works so why don’t I demonstrate on you then?”

Looking up from your phone you’re met with crystal blue eyes peering down at you making you realize just how close you two actually were.

Inches from his chest, it was almost as if you could feel his cologne radiate off his skin with the slightest movement he’d make. His gaze becoming more intense the longer your eyes are locked together, it feels like you’ve been that way for minutes instead of only a few seconds as you slightly shift in your seat.

Even trying to talk now seemed impossible from your throat feeling like the Sahara desert at high noon.

“Huh would you look at that, she doesn’t have a comeback,” he smirks turning his attention from you to the sports headlines from ESPN scrolling across the television mounted high in the corner.

And just like that, Christopher “Party King” Evans had left you dumbfounded after taking away your power of always having the last word.

Taglist: @secretmysteriousperson @crushed-pink-petals @honeychicana @fumbling-fanfics @lady-olive-oil @themyscxiras @melinda-january @lovelymari4 @plokyu23 @fullofmelaninsarcasmandepression @nunubug99 @felicity-x0 @ellixthea @jojolu @jnk-812 @brwn-sgr @captainsamwlsn @itshinothey @wildfirecracker @nina-sj @iammyownlover @chaneajoyyy

If anybody wants to be tagged, has asked to be tagged but don’t see your name, only wants to be tagged for certain people I write for, or no longer wish to be tagged just let me know🤓!

[curechocolattymilk]

Skyrim OC Questionnaire

Saw @jessaryss​ ‘s questionnaire in the tes tag & decided to give it a whirl w my current Dovahkiin!

BASICS

Name: Jeer-Tei Perdes

Race: Argonian

Age: 26-28??

Pronouns: He/They

Eyes: Turquoise-ish

Hair: Red feathers

Skin: black/super dark green?? idk i was playing around w a race menu mod w this lad

Height: 5′7″ - 5′8″ (A bit on the short side for an Argonian)

Weight: 153 LBs

General Physique: Probably average? With a bit of beef since they swing around battleaxes/wear heavy armor

Tattoos, WarPaints & Scars? I’m just plopping down a screenshot bcus i suck at explaining em. Can’t see his scars on this one but they have three long ones over their left(?) eye

Yes I went edgy color scheme with him. No, I have no shame

ABOUT

Dragonborn: YES / NO

Werewolf/Bear or Vampire?: Werewolf time (yet to find a good werecroc mod tho :c)

Occupation: Adventurer, Thief, Listener, Arch-Mage, Harbinger, Mercenary, soon to be Legion solider, all-around bastard

Guild Association(s): TG, DBH, Companions, College of Winterhold & I believe that is it bcus i went back a couple saves in hopes to avoid a CW bug & lost a bit of progress in return oof

Favoured Weapon Class / Type: Two-Handed, Battleaxe

Favoured School of Magic / Type: DESTRUCTION. Tei loves himself some Fire n Lightning. The fire shout is his most used lol

Heavy Armor? Light Armor? Robes?: Heavy Armor

Place of Birth: Unsure still but I’m thinking of having them not have a Hist-connection/not hatching in Black Marsh? Seems like an interesting route but who knows

Place Where They Were Raised: Hammerfell till their teens (Tei was adopted), then they wandered around for a bit w a group b4 landing in Skyrim

Current Location: Since last save? Ivarstead I think

Education / Place of Study: He’s well-read/educated! Mostly learned the smithing trade under his family in Hammerfell, but snuck into a few academic courses during their travels in Cyrodil

Any Teachers / Inspirations? Tei has an elder brother who helped teach him the ropes of adventuring/survival. He helped kickstart the Argonian’s adventure drive.

PERSONAL

Patron Deity (if any): Mora & Hircine I’d say? He doesn’t really worship any of the Nine, though he acknowledges all of them.

Political Alliance (if any): They could care less for the warring factions, but the civil war is starting to inconvenience him, so for the sake of choosing a side & getting it over with, they joined the Empire. (The recruiters were closest & Tei really didn’t want to travel aaalll the way to Windhelm...never really liked the place anyway) Don’t expect him to be extremely loyal/treat them or the Dominion w any respect though lol

Strongest Skills: If going off ones that reached 100: Two-handed, Heavy-Armor, Destruction, Smithing, Speech, Archery

Strengths: Can take a hit physically; Pretty stealthy despite their armor type; Pretty much fearless, will take you head on

Weaknesses: Has piss-poor sense of direction when it comes to Dwemer/Nordic ruins; Pretty much fearless, not much of a danger sense so they can get pretty fucked up; Can’t tank spells that well, despite being Arch-Mage; Doesn’t have an issue following their Draconic or Werebeast nature/Can’t control nightly transformations

Spouses? Flings? Lovers?: Rumarin is their hubby. Though Tei & Ru are discussing among themselves about opening their relationship & adding Kaidan to it, if the warrior comfortable with the idea.

Thaneship (and of where?): Yes; Solitude, Whiterun, Dawnstar, & Falkreath. They’re worming their way into every hold they can though

Most Difficult Quest They’ve Been On? The whole Dragonborn quest was definitely a challenge he completed out of spite for Miraak. However, the Blood of Kings (3DNPC-Slight spoiler warning for the end of this quest? Maybe?) quest fucked w them a bit more mentally. Tei likes to act big & tough but having to acknowledge he’s the only one who went through/remembers all that did mess with them a bit. It’s hard to explain those dreams/nightmares.

Jail Time? So far? Just Cidna Mine because of the Forsworn Quest. Tei is pretty good at not getting caught/using his connections to get away with things.

Largest Bounty Held? I want to say around 5000+? Again, it was Markarth, they did not go down w/o a fight after that false accusation.

How Much Gold Are They Typically Carrying? Too much idk what to spend it on

How Do They Get Gold? Stealing, well-paying jobs, selling treasures they looted from tombs or found in dungeons, that sorta deal

Are Werebeings and Vampires Vile Creatures or Simply Misunderstood?: Simply misunderstood! Until you attack him then it’s game over for you. bud.

Do They Actively Hunt Dragons?: Not really, in a turn of events regarding this character. Part of it is because I just can’t find any spawning vanilla-wise post-Alduin, but for an in character explanation, Tei does feel a strong kinship with dragons. They won’t hunt them/kill them unless it’s a well-paying job/they challenge him first. Which...the latter happens often in the form of Assaults (Deadly Dragons is one fun mod). Hell, Tei refused to kill Paarthurnax. He respects the Dovah, even if he disagrees w the passive way of thinking, & goes to them often to meditate or talk. Not that anyone needs to know that.

Goals In Life? Honestly? Probably boost themselves up the ranks/collect more powerful artifacts for his hoard. If there’s a powerful figure he can challenge he will do it Figuring out how to turn into a dragon would be cool too, i guess

Deepest Regret?: Not hanging out with their kids (Ram-ku & Chases-Starlight) as much. They visit when they can but the urge to travel/explore can keep them away from home for a bit. So everytime they head back to Proudspire/Lakeview they have a ton of treats/toys/daggers to give the two.

Greatest Hope?: Not a shared fact with anyone, but deep down Tei does wish to retire comfortably, he jokes with Inigo that such an idea sounds boring but honestly? They wouldn’t mind it.

Most Embarrassing Moment: Rumarin caught him playing with the dog’s rope toys while in Werewolf form once. The High-Elf refuses to let Tei live it down

Flaws: They don’t really pick up on how rude they can be at times, or maybe they do & just don’t care.; Lack of personal danger-sense in battle/thrill of the kill can often lead to Tei getting some serious injuries if he’s not careful, his continued mastering of Restoration is from licking his own wounds. Sorta ironic considering he fusses over close teammates not being careful after opening up some more.

Fears: After the whole Blood of Kings debacle, Tei developed a deep fear of losing the reality they’re in/losing their loved ones. Alduin may have been defeated but the idea that any & all progress or events he went through can just be taken away regardless sticks with him. It may or may not drive his need to take out anything they deem as a big threat/challenge.

What Makes Them Happy?: Playing with their kids is a big one, Tei always makes times for games. Other than that it’s finding new discoveries/techniques about destruction magic or soul gems, reading a good book (or being read to, if he feels like asking Rumarin), being with his family in general, or going out for a hunt in their werebeast form.

Hobbies: Playing the lute, building his hoard some dragon behaviors just stick regardless of the body you’re in, smithing/creating little decorative daggers, treasure diving

Favorite Locations: Throat of the World/Paarthurnax’s Library (Mod), Lake Ilinalta, Apocrypha

Favorite Holds: Falkreath & Solitude

Eating Habits?: They’re not picky, but tend to prefer raw meat. It’s not an uncommon sight to see Tei just up n swallow a salmon whole while he’s swimming to catch the group some dinner.

Can They Cook?: they leave it to Rumarin if at home/the elf is traveling with them, but they can do it decently enough.

Favorite Food: Tei would kill for Ru’s seared-slaughterfish dish

Favorite Drink: Shein/Velvet LeChance

First Thing They Do At A Tavern?: Ask around for bounties/buy some food for the road

Sleeping Habits?: Due to the beastblood, Tei is very restless when they sleep, often tossing & turning. Ru holding them helps a bit, but on days where he travels, Tei just stays awake until he passes out in an inn/at camp from exhaustion seeing as they don’t toss around as much then.

Cities or the wilds?: The wilds

Pet Peeves?: Being stopped for bounties of like...5 gold. Like dude fuck off or he’s going to make that bounty go higher.; Followers bunching up/not letting them pass, Tei has places to be guys; Also really hates being grabbed/touched unless its close friends/family

Describe Their Bedroom or Home: Their bedroom is rather neat & tidy, same as any personal forge or storage room. Alchemy/Enchanting areas, or any place of study you should watch your step. Especially in the Arch-mages quarters, that place is a total mess.

How Would A Stranger Describe This Person?: A short-tempered, apathetic asshole through & through most likely.

Someone Close To Them? A snarky arse who actually is a bit of a softy with some rough edges. Tei’s no goody-two-shoes, & tends to tease, but he’s not cruel either, y’know?

How Do They Deal With Anger?: He tries to avoid lashing out at others unless they caused it. Usually cools off from big episodes by working at the forge, doing a big bounty or two, or using their Thu’um somewhere till their throat hurts.

How Do They Deal With Failure?: Tei gets broody, frustrated & fidgets with his claws/tail/feathers a lot. Over the years of their adventuring they understand failure is a fact of life, but that doesn’t mean they can’t get upset about it. Don’t take it to heart if they snap at you during this time, they don’t really mean it & just are mad at themselves

How Do They Deal With Loss of a friend or someone close?: Not horribly bad but also not in the best way, they immediately put walls up & avoid conversation for a good while, maybe even leave for a few days. While slowly working with this with the help of Ru & Inigo, Tei doesn’t like being seen in a vulnerable & would most likely brush the event off as “shit happens.” However, it’ll eventually get too much. A good example would be when they lost most of the Brotherhood due to Astrid’s betrayal; Tei would brush it off constantly if it was brought up, pushing it down. One day though, it hit him full force while prepping for a contract, he’s grateful it was just Rumarin there when it happened.

Go Into The Bandit Filled Cave To Retrieve The Lost Amulet For Some Simpleton, or Tell Them Nah Bye?: Depends if they pay well or if Tei can get away w keeping the item, but it’s mostly “Lol that sucks bro”

Opinions on Daedra?: He only respects/likes two (Hircine & Mora), but will shimmy up to the other princes for their artifacts

Companions / Followers

First Follower: Rumarin! Found the dude by accident while running around & immediately fell for the snarky fucker.

Have They Stuck Around?: I mean, the two did get hitched. Rumarin mostly stays at home with their kids now-a-days, as Tei is chasing after more & more dangerous “prey”

Something The Look For In A Follower (or do they hire anyone without question?): Hold their own & does what their told, mostly. The former is the proving factor for him (except in the case of Lucien...but they’re paying to tag along so I guess they can stay)

Followers Over The Years (or whatever amount of time): Rumarin, Zora Fairchild, Gor, Anum-La, Skjarn (but only once), Inigo, Kaidan, Lucien, & Hoth.

Fourth Wall

Any Must Have Mods To Play This Character?: Anything to help boost Argonian experience (Amazing Argonian Traits/Feats, Horns are Forever, Digitigrade Khajiit-Argonian Raptor, Bigger Argonian Tails....We need more Argonian mods), Ordinator, Apocalypse, Wildcat, Deadly Dragons, Real Bosses USSEP, Ultimate Combat SE, TK Dodge, Shout Overhaul. And while you don’t need it to play Jeer-Tei, the Racial Body Morphs SE is fun to help diversify everyone’s height! Until you realize you’re short as hell to most of your party.

Random Screenshot / Drawing: Here’s Kaidan & Rumarin stealing the bed in my bugged saves, gotta redo Kai’s quests again for this tho. F

Level?: 91 I think? First character where I grinded up via Alchemy & Enchantments for perk points for a good while. (Also started out as a light armor build but I quickly decided, “lets become a sneaky tank build!” mid-gameplay) I used to have the People of Skyrim mod on as well, which spawned waaay too many dragons (im talkin about none of them landing even after their hp hit zero bcus the ai got bugged w the amount spawning) & bandit mobs, so that helped too lol. Eventually disabled it though bcus my old laptop was struggling. 

Serious RP or Thomas The Tank Engine Dragons, Fart Shouts, and Kawaii Cat Girl Mods?: Serious RP, though I may add some sillies later

[lostinthewinterwood]

AU Exchange 2020

Hey friend!

Looks like this letter’ll be going out on time, for once in my life.  This one’s very long; there’ll be a list of fandoms after the general info so you can hop around and not get bogged down in the details that don’t matter for what you’re going to be writing.

Treats in any medium are welcome, my other exchange letters are here, and at the bottom there’ll be tags for each fandom I’ve requested, if you want to see whether I’ve requested them before and what I’ve said about them.  Good luck, have fun, and thanks for writing for me!

 General DNW non/dub-con; non-canonical major character death; heavy angst; hurt no comfort; graphic depictions of deliberate and methodical self-harm*; graphic depictions of suicide; smut; gore; grimdark; complete downer endings; character bashing; incest; cringe comedy; a/b/o; mpreg; graphic eye trauma; graphic and/or permanent hand trauma; issuefic; unrequested identity headcanons; a focus on unrequested romantic relationships**. *I don’t include things like, say, punching a wall in a fit of emotion under this. however, something like cutting would not be appreciated. **canonical levels of canonical ships are perfectly fine; background non-canon ships that I haven’t dnw’d are okay too (unless otherwise specified—see below for fandom-specific notes).

  General Likes

– I really like plotty fics

– Secret identity and disguise shenanigans, the more layers to them and more absurdity the better.

– Crossdressing for whatever reason and gender disguises, also for whatever reason.

– A focus on family and/or friendship, especially characters realizing they’re not nearly as alone as they think they are, and just generally characters who like each other and enjoy spending time together

– Found family; families of choice

– Character studies

– Worldbuilding

- explorations of how whatever AU you pick to write affects the characters and/or plot, and the ways in which it doesn’t

  Other General Notes:

If there’s an AU I’d especially like to see on its own, without any other AU in combination with it, I’ll mention it—outside of that, feel free to combine the AUs as you see fit.

All the times that the Dragon Rider au is one I asked for, I’ve framed it in my prompts as a sports story thing—while that would definitely be great, don’t feel pressured to make it be like that; it’s just where my prompting muse is at right now, so if you want to take it in another direction go right ahead.

  Fandoms in Order of Appearance:

Hanging Out with a Gamer Girl

Harry Potter

Mother of Learning (x2)

Day Break Illusion (x2)

  Hanging Out with a Gamer Girl (Manga)  

·        Fanfiction (Medium)

·        Terazaki Kaoru (HOwaGG)

·        Ousaka Nanami (HOwaGG)

·        Group: Terazaki Kaoru & Ousaka Shouko (HOwaGG)

·        Group: Terazaki Kaoru & Ousaka Nanami (HOwaGG)

 Fandom-specific dnw: sexualization of Kaoru’s crossdressing, romance between Kaoru and Nanami beyond light shiptease à la canon (unless the AU chosen is a romantic fairytale, in which case go right ahead), full justification of Kaoru’s fears re: Nanami’s dad, heavy gender dysphoria.

 Overall I love these kids and their friendship, and I also love how much Shouko feels like a mom to Kaoru even though he isn’t hers, even though he’s keeping secrets from her—he doesn’t seem to have that much parental support overall.

Whatever AU you pick, I’d appreciate that being preserved.

  ·        ALL: Character was Stolen by Fairies as a Baby

·        All: East of the Sun and West of the Moon Fusion

·        All: Fairytale Fusion

·        ALL: Fantasy/Magic Royalty and Palace Intrigue AU

·        ALL: Magic is a part of everyday life

·        ALL: Magical Girl Fusion

·        ALL: Magical Realism

·        ALL: Regency-Inspired Fantasy AU

 For this set of tags, I’d love to see something that fuses the AU elements to canon, or replaces canon elements with them—maybe instead of gamers, the kids are magical girls!  Or maybe there’s just magical elements wound seamlessly into their lives, or they instead live in a fairytale world, or…

Basically, this is my more generic magic!au set.

  ·        ALL: Characters met as children

·        ALL: Deaf Canon Characters

·        ALL: Disabled Canon Characters

·        ALL: Mute Canon Characters

·        HOwaGG: trans girl Terazaki Kaoru

 These are the generally mundane AUs—if one or both of the kids is disabled in some way, how does that affect them?  If they’ve known each other longer than they have in canon, or used to know each other—how does that affect them?  If Kaoru is a trans girl, is that something that she knows before their canon meeting, and maybe that’s a point at which she’s already begun transitioning?  Or does the crossdressing give her a revelation?

  ·        ALL: Daemon AU

·        ALL: Daemons in Canon Divergent AU

 I like daemon!aus a lot, though I’m not very good at writing them myself—if this world has daemons, what are the kids’?  Are they fully settled yet, or not quite?  Most people have daemons opposite to their sex—is it obvious that Kaoru’s daemon is female, and if so, does that pique Shouko’s interest?  Does his daemon get him recognized by people who know Kaoru-the-boy even when he’s out looking like a girl?

  ·        ALL: Dragon Rider AU

·        All: Figure skating AU

 Sports aus!  One mundane, one distinctly less so… what’s it like, if they’re dragon riders? Is it a whole other world, or just our world +dragons?  If it’s figure skating, what kind of skating do they do?  Singles?  Pairs? Ice dance?  Are they just casual about it or competitive?

  ·        ALL: Platonic Soulmate AU

·        ALL: Soulmates - Soulmate Mark Appears At First Touch

·        ALL: Soulmates Share Scars

 These are probably my three favorite kinds of soulmate AUs—run with them!  Tell me about the kids and their dynamic and the world they inhabit, with soulmates thrown into the mix!

     Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling   

·        Fanfiction (Medium)

·        Percy Weasley (HP - JKR)

 Fandom-specific dnw: non-canon ships.

 I’ve phrased this so broadly because it’s generally better safe than sorry on these things—essentially what I especially don’t want is non-canon ships between people on opposite sides of the war, e.g. drarry, harry/Voldemort, etc. If you want to toss in background, idk, Pansy/Daphne or something, or relationships between various Ministry people, that I don’t mind.

 ·        ALL: Underground Resistance

·        HP: Percy Weasley is a spy for the Order of the Phoenix during the war

·        ALL: Character Is a Secretly a Spy for the Other Side

 There’s really one thing I want here—spy!Percy!  He spends so much of the war in the Ministry, surrounded by Death Eaters and their accomplices and enablers, to all appearances the black sheep of the Weasley family and not much of a threat.  Now, this could be genuine… but it could also be him playing them; I want to see a world where he, at some point—maybe after he chooses to stay with the ministry instead of his family, maybe before—decides to be a spy for the Order et al.

What are the risks?  What can he accomplish?  Can he help people beyond simply passing out information, perhaps with seemingly-inconsequential little acts?

     Mother of Learning - nobody103   

·        Fanfiction (Medium)

·        Kirielle Kazinski (Mother of Learning)

 request-specific dnw: physical parental abuse within the Kazinski family, significant exaggeration of canonical emotional neglect/abuse/general family dysfunction, romantic and/or sexual Zach/Zorian.

 ·        All: Character has a secret identity

·        All: Identity Porn

·        ALL: Possessed by time travelling future self

·        MoL: Kirielle as a Branded One

 I’m fascinated by the idea of Kirielle somehow getting wrapped up in the time loop—what’s it like to live years and years of your life while your body stays nine?  What does she do, what does she learn?  Are Zach and Zorian still Branded Ones, or is she taking one or both of their places?

If you go with this, I’d rather not have her gate!soul erased—either let her escape, or don’t go far enough to need to address it, please.

The identity bits here are mostly leaning on the idea that, with her only being nine, Kiri would need some kind of identity obfuscation to do half of what Zach and Zorian do in canon, so…

  ·        ALL: Daemon AU

·        ALL: Daemons in Canon Divergent AU

 Nothing particularly profound here—but! Daemons! How does this affect things? Is Kiri happier with someone to talk to who isn’t her siblings or parents or village children that her parents mightn’t approve of?  I’d imagine her daemon hasn’t settled yet—what forms does it like?

  ·        All: Changeling AU

·        ALL: Fairy Tale AU

·        All: Fairytale Fusion

·        All: Historical Fantasy AU

·        ALL: Magical Realism

·        ALL: Nature Magic

 The setting and/or mood change AUs—give me Kirielle-the-faerie child, or Kiri in a fairytale, or shift the setting more historical and into our world, or change the nature of the magic—the canonical magic system is fairly hard as magic systems go, which works well for the story as it is, but I also really like softer magics.  What about a world where there’s simply small everyday magics present, or where Kiri has an affinity for green growing things quite beyond the natural?

  ·        ALL: Deaf Canon Characters

 How does Kiri’s life change, if she’s born deaf or becomes deaf?  How does her role as Cikan Kazinski’s only daughter change?  Does Eldemar have a Deaf community?

This could play into her desire to go to Cyoria, too—I wouldn’t expect Cirin to have much in the way of resources or community, but maybe Cyoria does; maybe that’s why she wants so badly to go.

  ·        ALL: Finding Peace/An End to the War

·        ALL: Legal Drama

·        ALL: Magical environment/species conservation scientist au

·        ALL: Magical horticulturists

 This set is more likely future!fic than anything else—Kirielle’s growing up into a country on the brink of war; what’s she going to do when she gets older?  Maybe she’ll be involved in that, or with the law—or maybe she goes to school and learns to be a mage, and then goes on to a career as a conservationist or horticulturist.

    Mother of Learning - nobody103   

·        Fanfiction (Medium)

·        Zorian Kazinski (Mother of Learning)

·        Zach Noveda (Mother of Learning)

 request-specific dnw: physical parental abuse within the Kazinski family, significant exaggeration of canonical emotional neglect/abuse/general family dysfunction, romantic and/or sexual Zach/Zorian (unless in a romantic fairytale au).

 ·        All: Changeling AU

·        All: Fairytale Fusion

·        ALL: Fantasy/Magic Royalty and Palace Intrigue AU

·        ALL: High Fantasy AU

·        All: Historical Fantasy AU

·        ALL: Magical Realism

·        ALL: Nature Magic

 Again, setting and/or mood changes—turn one or both of these two into a changeling child, or push them into a different setting, or change their world to feel a little more magical than it does in canon.

  ·        All: Character has a secret identity

·        ALL: Deaf Canon Characters

·        ALL: Legal Drama

·        ALL: Magical environment/species conservation scientist au

·        ALL: Magical horticulturists

·        ALL: Role Swap AU

 This set is a combination of probably-post-canon things and things that could slide into the canon timeline—what if one or both of them went to more effort to construct a second identity, either in the loop or out of it, for anyone’s benefit?  What if one or both of them was deaf—if you go here, it’d be interesting if you combined it with deaf!Kirielle too.  A role swap—what if Zorian got there earlier and the angels didn’t think him unworthy, and Zach wound up his tagalong instead?

And the other three are basically what-ifs for the post-canon world—there’s Zach’s court case to be dealt with, and these two are both skilled enough to do basically whatever they want to, if it’s to do with magic.  Why not become a conservationist or horticulturist?

  ·        ALL: Daemons in Canon Divergent AU

·        All: Figure skating AU

·        ALL: Regency AU

·        All: Robin Hood Fusion

·        ALL: Spies & Secret Agents

·        ALL: University AU

 This is a whole grab bag of different AUs—they’re all fairly self-explanatory I think, though I will say that you shouldn’t feel pressured to keep the overtly mundane-seeming AUs mundane, if you don’t want too—I’d like the mundane versions of course!  But there’s plenty of interesting things you could explore with, e.g., magic!figure skating, so.  Go wild.

  ·        All: Tam Lin Fusion

 In a weird way, MoL already has its characters in the roles they need to be in for a Tam Lin fusion, though the structure is of course very different–what is Zach if not a sacrifice against Panaxeth’s release? What is Zorian if not the one who fights nigh-impossible odds to save him from that fate?  I’d love to see a fic that goes into this.

    幻影ヲ駆ケル太陽 il sole penetra le illusioni | Day Break Illusion   

·        Fanfiction (Medium)

·        Tsukuyomi Luna (Day Break Illusion)

·        Taiyou Akari (Day Break Illusion)

·        Shirokane Ginka (Day Break Illusion)

·        Hoshikawa Seira (Day Break Illusion)

·        Group: Tsukuyomi Luna & Tsukuyomi Serena (Day Break Illusion)

·        Group: Hoshikawa Seira & Shirokane Ginka & Taiyou Akari & Tsukuyomi Luna

 fandom-specific dnw: heavy gender dysphoria.

 ·        All: a character is transgender (binary)

·        ALL: Alternate First Meetings

·        All: Character has a secret identity

·        ALL: Deaf Canon Characters

·        ALL: Disabled Canon Characters

·        ALL: Street Rats

 This is basically the AUs of mundane level things; the broad strokes of canon are perfectly compliant with any of these, or at least they could be. What changes, if you go for any of the AUs listed above? What stays the same?

  ·        All: Changeling AU

·        ALL: Character was Stolen by Fairies as a Baby

·        ALL: Daemon AU

·        All: Fairytale Fusion

·        ALL: Fantasy/Magic Royalty and Palace Intrigue AU

·        ALL: Magical Realism

·        ALL: Regency-Inspired Fantasy AU

·        All: with the right postage you can send letters anywhere anywhen

 Different flavors of fantasy—for the changelings, is the character we know from canon the stolen child, or their faerie replacement?  Are their daemons affected by them fighting the daemonia; what happens to a daemon when the human is consumed by a daemonia?  How do their powers and battles work in a world that’s more overtly magical? For the last—who/where/when would they send letters to?  Would Akari send one back in time to Fuyuna, Luna to her sister, Seira to her friend? Forward to their future selves? How does this affect the timeline; do you have to be careful, lest you irrevocably change things, or are future-letters already set and immutable?  Is this common or rare—what’s the price to send a letter through time?

  ·        ALL: Character Journeys To The Underworld to Rescue Their Dead Friend

·        All: Journey to the Underworld to Resurrect Loved One

 Who are they rescuing?  How are they going about the rescue?  Are they bringing back Fuyuna?  Seira’s friend?  Luna’s sister, if it turns out she’s dead not just vanished some other way?  Ginka herself, if we suppose that she died in the annihilation rather than going to battle elsewhere?

If a Daemonia’s victim is resurrected, does everyone remember them again? Either way, what are the consequences of bringing back a person who’d been erased?

  ·        ALL: Dragon Rider AU

·        ALL: Fencing AU

·        All: Figure skating AU

 Sports aus!  Two mundane, one not.  I’d love to see the kids in some kind of competitive something—are they teammates? Competitors? Is Sefiro Fiore a sports organization in this world, or are they both athletes and tarot users?

  ·        DBI: Daemonia hosts aren't erased from the timeline when killed

 So, one of the generally convenient things in this world—even if it’s not a particularly nice thing—is that none of the characters ever have to deal with the fallout of the deaths they cause; the daemonia’s victims are erased.  Ret-gone, if you will.  But what if they weren’t?  What would the effect of that be; how would that change things?

    幻影ヲ駆ケル太陽 il sole penetra le illusioni | Day Break Illusion   

·        Fanfiction (Medium)

·        Group: Hanayume & Lymro & Mama Nagataki & Taiyou Akari (Day Break Illusion)

·        Group: Hanayume & Lymro & Mama Nagataki (Day Break Illusion)

 fandom-specific dnw: heavy gender dysphoria.

 ·        All: a character is transgender (binary)

·        ALL: Deaf Canon Characters

·        ALL: Disabled Canon Characters

·        ALL: Found Family

 So, again, this is the more mundane aus—add these in!! tell me how they affect things, or how they don’t affect them!

Found family is… kinda canon? But there isn’t really much focus on that aspect in canon so I’d love some more here.

  ·        All: Changeling AU

·        ALL: Character was Stolen by Fairies as a Baby

·        All: Fairytale Fusion

·        ALL: Fantasy/Magic Royalty and Palace Intrigue AU

·        All: Historical Fantasy AU

·        ALL: Magic is a part of everyday life

·        ALL: Magical Realism

·        ALL: Regency AU (no homophobia)

·        ALL: Regency-Inspired Fantasy AU

·        All: with the right postage you can send letters anywhere anywhen

 And these are the magic and/or setting AUs!  How do these elements change their lives; what stays the same regardless?

See my previous set of Day Break Illusion requests for my thoughts on the letters tag.

  ·        ALL: Daemon AU

·        ALL: Daemons in Canon Divergent AU

 Just—daemons!  What are theirs?  For Hanayume—what gender is her daemon?  I’m sorry I’m running out of things to say at this point…

  ·        ALL: Dragon Rider AU

·        ALL: Fencing AU

·        All: Figure skating AU

 So, in canon, Hanayume, Lymro, and Mama Nagataki are kind of Akari’s fortune-teller aunts/mentors; if we change it so that Akari’s thing is fencing or figure skating or dragon-riding, why not bring her aunts along for the ride as her mentors in that sport, or, if we’re not including Akari—competitors themselves, perhaps, or maybe generally teachers?

   If you made it all the way down here—first of all, wow, this letter was way too long so good on you for making it—second of all—thank you again for writing for me!! Good luck!!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #222

“hold your breath, my dear, we’re going under.”

Have you ever kicked a vending machine? No. Have you ever stayed online for a long time waiting for someone? Ha ha, yeah... I did that for Mini a lot when I was younger. Would you survive in prison? I can almost guarantee I'd find a way to kill myself, no. What is your favorite condiment to go with french fries? Probably ketchup. What do you have a habit of doing when engaging in a conversation with someone? Obsess over if I'm making eye contact correctly. Like the WHOLE time I will be thinking about it. Have you ever lost a pet in a tragic way? How did you cope? I had a lot of childhood cats run over, and that was always hard to see. As for coping, I just... did. What else do you do. Do you have a favorite classical composer? No. Mini skirts, slutty or stylish? Um, what you wear doesn't determine whether or not you're "slutty." They don't bother me. Do you like a partner who is clean cut or rugged? A mix. Pale or tan, which would you rather be? I like pale skin, I just don't like the texture of mine. The negative of pale skin is the fact you can see flaws more clearly. Is walking cats strange? (like walking dogs) No. What about kids on leashes? What do you think about that? That shit is wild. Teach your children better, or keep them in your sights at all times if they have some kind of condition that makes it challenging to teach them properly. How many piercings have you had, BESIDES ears, no one cares. Two. New tats in your near future? Whenever I myself have the money, my next tattoo appointment will be to enhance my Mark tribute one to better the galaxy texture. I love the guy who's done my tats so far, but there are better out there, and I don't feel he achieved my vision. This tattoo is WILD important to me; it has to be perfect. After that, a "new" tattoo probably won't happen until I have a job or I'm gifted money. How about piercings or re-piercings? "In the near future" is the criteria I'm guessing is still relevant? It depends on how quickly I lose enough weight for my collarbones to be clearly prominent to get dermals. I've been fucking stagnated for a year, though, so I don't know when the hell that's happening... Who would you like to hang out with? There's a lot of old friends and acquaintances that fit this. Next new thing you are wanting to try! Idk. Some sort of job I can actually accomplish. Would you ever visit a psychic medium? Definitely not; I don't believe they're legit. Are some days a waste of makeup? Um so idk if you know, author, but people wear makeup for their own satisfaction. If it makes you feel beautiful, then hell no it's not a waste. Do you watch any beauty gurus on YouTube? Okay I fucking adore Jeffree Star y'all. He's a goddamn Mood and inspirational as ALL hell in terms of his determination, work ethic, and open-mindedness. I watch everything he uploads ever, even though I'm not really interested in makeup. It's cool to watch though; it's an art to me. Do you have a PillowPet? No, but omfg. One of my favorite Christmas memories ever is the night my niece, when she was around two or so, was given one (or something like it?) the night before, we turned the lights out, and lit it up so the colorful stars were all over the room. She was absolutely marveling over it. That was the same night my sister revealed she was pregnant with my nephew, actually. That was a great night. Actually felt like a family. Do you have sleep paralysis? Thank FUCK no. Have you ever wanted an ex back, but found out they were dating someone? I've talked about Jason and Ashley before. God that was a bad. Bad. Fuck-ing. Time. Do you like Placebo? I don't listen to them. Has anyone ever carried you to bed? I mean as a kid, yeah. Idr as a teenager or adult. Would you rather have a wiener dog or an Italian greyhound? The greyhound. Dachshunds are precious, but as of semi-recently, I'm personally against breeding pets with damaging/unhealthy traits, and dachshunds are very susceptible to spine issues. Idk if greyhounds have any issues like that. Do your parents buy you most anything you want? Bitch we poor, no. What is the next craft you are going to make? Probably something for Sara for some special event. I don't think that's much of a spoiler, so I don't mind sharing it. Do you learn choreography easily? I was decent when I was a dance student, but no, I can promise you no. My memory is laughable. If you had to choose, would you rather be taller or shorter? Taller, I guess? Idk. Do you believe that Jesus will come back in your lifetime? No, I don't believe he ever will. What color is your winter coat? ... Shit dude, idr. Idk if I even have one, actually. What’s your favorite candy to receive on Halloween? Gimme all ur Reese's cups. Have you ever spent your birthday alone? No. Have you ever had a themed b-day party? I'm sure I did as a kid. Were you afraid of heights as a child? No. I am now tho. Which dollar store is your favorite? Here, Dollar Generals are everywhere and generally the preferred one, I believe. What food gives you diarrhea? Totally serious, most exceptionally "fancy" foods; by that, I assume things with lots of intricate spices and other ingredients. At least severe gas pains are almost guaranteed when I eat out somewhere. Have you ever had a lead role in a play? No. Ha ha man, I remember as an elementary school student though, we had a play where I SO wanted to be Snow White. What is the most fascinating part of nature? Evolution. I don't know how I once didn't believe in it. Would you ever go vegetarian? I am serious about returning to vegetarianism when/if I get to a weight I'm satisfied with (losing weight w/o meat is more difficult than with, particularly for an extremely picky eater). I wish I could be a total vegan, but I know I'm not capable of that. Once you actually learn about slaughterhouses and farm life... no. What berry is your favorite? STRAW!!!!!!!BERRIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What is your dream house? Something in the woods with a nice yard/outdoor decor, flowers, wildlife... What was the reason in you crying last? PTSD. Are there any movies in the theater that you’d like to see? The new IT and Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark. What do you think of Coca Cola? It's my third-fave soda. What about polar bears? Gorgeous animals. I will R I O T if they go extinct. My best friend(s) are/is... Sara. When do you want to have your first kid? Never. I am faaar from cut out to be a mother. Which stovetop burner do you use the most? I don't cook, so. The times I've made eggs, uh... I think I use the bottom right? Do you use a dishwasher or wash dishes by hand? Ugh, we don't have one. What year did you graduate high school? 2014. Do you carry pepper spray? No, but I should with how paranoid I am. What is your favorite gas station? Sheetz is the way to go down here. What have been some of your best garage sale finds? *shrugs* Idr the last time I went to one. Ever worked two jobs or more at once? Hell no. I wouldn't survive. How often do you check your email? Every day, mainly for school. What would you do if your ex came to you crying? It would depend on who. "The" ex, I don't give a fuck how I feel about him, he's getting a tight-ass hug because seeing him cry is awful, and I will always care about him to a certain degree. Well actually, I'd ask him before hugging; I don't know if he'd be fine with me touching him. Girt would get a big 'ole hug for sure. Juan, Tyler, and Aaron I'd ask if they wanted a hug. I'd definitely ask any of them if they wanted to talk/vent to me about whatever is wrong; I can't stand seeing people cry. What school do you go to, what grade? I'm a super late freshman in college. How do you feel about school? It's been a drastic change in my daily life and thus has caused stress, but nevertheless I'm ecstatic to be back because I'm actually making progress towards going somewhere. Are you still a virgin? So I know it sounds like it makes NO sense w/o details, but seriously, I don't know. We had "cheaty" ways to just barely skirt around it because at the time I was abstinent, but pretty sure at some point it became sex. Do you eat chips or crackers more? Man, I haven't had chips in a loooong time... though I love them, man. We have crackers at the house usually, and I snack on them occasionally. Is your bed next to a wall? Who doesn't have their bed against at least one?? Is your bed next to a window? There's one beside me against the wall. Do you have neat handwriting? I think so. The only thing I don't like is I write SOOOOOOOOOO slow. Would you rather be a singer or a dancer? Dancer. Would you rather be a musician or a painter? Painter. What did your hair look like in high school? Long and normally brown, but sometimes I dyed it black with colored highlights. Favorite flavor of hot chocolate? Normal?? What is your top priority in life? My happiness, probably. Have you ever made a gingerbread house? Yeah. Sucky ones, but they were gingerbread houses, lol. Do you prefer candy corn or conversation hearts? EW both are gross. Skeletons or scarecrows? I'll see you in the Skeleton War, fuckers. Who was the last non-relative woman you spoke to in person? My Writing teacher. What’s a topic you’ve drastically changed your opinion on? I did a TOTAL 180 on LGBT rights, and my former, intense pro-life stance has altered quite a lot to mostly pro-choice. What’s an achievement you hope to see humanity accomplish in your lifetime? Man, a lot... A total ban from plastic and finding an alternative for it would be great, as well as the cure of cancer and H.I.V. Make gay marriage legal worldwide. Make great progress on cleaning the oceans. I could go on and on. Do you know anyone who has a PhD? As far as personally, possibly. Like, obviously my doctors do. How do you feel when you’re the center of attention? *buys that red button that says "no" in various fashions solely for this occasion* Are you and your S/O Facebook official? She doesn't have a FB, but mine does say "in a relationship." Do you know anyone who works as a lawyer? Not that I know well anymore; a former best friend is in the process of becoming one, though. So proud of her. Which would bother you more: being told you’re not likable or being told you’re not sensible? Being told I'm not likable would really hurt. How many bedrooms does your house have? Two. Have you ever had a dream in which you died? Yeah. Does the thought of having wrinkles when you’re older upset you? Not really. Everyone gets them. Do you use Snapchat? No. Do you know anyone who’s struggling with addiction? Yes. What was your first job? And how long did you work there? I was a sales associate at GameStop. I was employed for like two months, but I worked very few days before I crumbled. Where is the last place you were other then where you are right now? School. How do you feel about the last person you kissed? I adore her. Lol, Lawl, Rotfl, Lmao, or Lmfao? (Which you use most) Lmao or lol. Have you/Do you know anyone that grows weed? Not knowingly to me. Do you really care about name brands? Not just for the sake of being a certain name; I do, however, care about the quality of brands, of course, such as taste for foods or being comfortable in clothes. Describe your favorite pair of jeans to me please. I don't have any. When I was actually slim though, I had a pair of maroon skinny jeans with a black dappling texture, and there were holes in them where the fabric was just black, and I loooooved them. Those and my leather boots was A Look. To wash in the shower, do you use a loofa? That's not the technical name for what I use according to Mom when I've called them that, but rather a body sponge or something like that, but it's like the same thing. Have you ever ridden on a horse? Yes, though not at a gallop or anything "real." Just at things like school fairs. Are you polite? I think I'm very polite, honestly. Do you prefer bright or muted colors? Bright, usually. Can you roll your tongue? I used to be able to after practicing all day once with a friend ha ha, but I haven't been able to for a long time. Definitely can't now with snake eyes. Are you a light weight when it comes to alcohol? No, apparently. Which accents can you emulate pretty well? British and country. How loud do you listen to music? Too loud, I know. Are you more awkward talking to people in real life or online? JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, real life. I don't think I'm half bad online. Do you bruise easily? So easily that I was tested for anemia or whatever it's called where you bleed easily (the test was negative, thankfully). Despite feeling bruised, though, I usually don't have an actual mark. Have you ever bought pre-ripped jeans? All my jeans were. I hate plain, boring jeans. What are you most likely to spend money on? Tattoos, lol... I genuinely think I'm good with money, I feel because of the financial position I've grown up and lived in, although I have never had a stable source of income, so it's hard to really determine that yet. I'm quite sure I'll be fine, but I really do hope I handle my money well when I do and don't invest all my spendable (as in, not money that I'm saving for emergencies) money into just tats. Have you ever been a complete fangirl/fanboy over anything? Welcome to my life, lol. I'm at an age where it's starting to get embarrassing, but. Idk how to change it. What’s the weirdest way you’ve ever heard somebody die of? *shrug* When was the last time you (dis)liked someone without really knowing them? I dunno. I try to not do that. When was the last time you wore a mask? What did it look like? Hell if I remember. I don't even remember wearing any on Halloween as a child. What comes up on your recommended list on YouTube? Mainly let's plays or music. Have you ever had a controlling boyfriend/girlfriend? Hell no, that wouldn't last long. How many true heart breaks have you had in your lifetime? One. Do you have any gay family members? My mom has a gay cousin. Who was the last person to sleep over at your house? Sara. Would you ever get a boob job? No; I don't care enough about them too. I wish they were smaller. I liked mine when I was a healthy weight, so, let's get back to that size, please. What would you think if you found out your ex was gay? Aaron, I think he actually is. Juan, trust me, he's not. Jason couldn't convince me he was gay even if he tried. I very highly doubt he'd be bi/pan, either. Girt, I would be surprised, but not like, immensely. I don't have a clue about Tyler and if he has any gay tendencies/history. Would you ever take someone back if you found out they cheated on you? NO SIR-REE. Do people ever compliment your eyes? Yeah. Would you be upset if you caught your boyfriend looking at porn? I don't know. I used to feel REALLY strongly about porn just being a big 'ole fucking nope, but whatever man, we're sexual animals. Better you take care of urges yourself rather than, you know, raping someone or something. If I personally caught my s/o doing it, idk how I'd feel, but knowing me and my self-esteem, I'd feel I'd probably jump to the whole (if we were serious) "um hi I'm your fckng gf what am I not enough" thought path. I don't think I'd be livid, though. Ask the old Britt, and we would've broken up there, probably. Who’s the last person that hung up on you? *shrug* Do you have a common first name? Yeah. Have you ever been engaged? No. Do you have any tattoos on your arms? Four, currently. They're gonna be covered one day. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else’s property? No. Have you ever been punched? No. What do you usually order from Olive Garden? I will, without fail, get the spicy shrimp fritas and be the happiest human being on Earth. How do you feel about bats? I absolutely adore them. Do you get excited when you learn you have to dress up? Quite the opposite, actually. What brand of hair spray do you use? I don't use it. Do you like it when guys wear hats? I have zero opinion on this. Burger King, McDonald's, or Wendy's? I prefer Wendy's. If you type for awhile, do your fingers start to hurt? No. Are you the type of person who would study for a test for hours? No, I'm not. I generally don't even have to like, intensely study; I tend to learn upon reading things, or in like math, performing the actions just a couple times. "Studying" doesn't tend to work for me; if it gets to that point, it probably won't stick, regardless of how many times I try. Are you a lazy person? I hate admitting just how lazy I am. But I mean again, it also depends on what is at stakes. Does your house have a doorbell? Yes, though I actually don't know if the doorbell works... Favorite album? Ozzy Osbourne's Black Rain. Favorite farm animal? PIGS! Has your Facebook ever been hacked? No. Do you spell gray with an A or an E? I use the American spelling ("gray"). Would you rather get money or gift cards for your birthday? I would be perfectly and entirely happy with purely money for my birthday, because that equals tattoos, lmao. Have you ever spoken to a detective before? No. Have you ever played laser tag? Once on a double-date with Jason and our old roommates/friends. Do you ever share things on Facebook? Almost all I do are share things I support, find funny, find as inspirational or cute, stuff like that. I can confidently say the majority of people I even have as "friends" on there do not care that much about my personal life. Is anyone you’re close to in the hospital right now? I mean, define "close." My grandmother's going through chemo, but we're not like... my definition of particularly "close," though she's close-ish family, so idk. Is your Wifi protected? Of course. What did you have for lunch today? I didn't eat lunch. How often do people write on your Facebook wall? On my birthday, lmao. Does your phone have a cover on it? No. I'd say I want one, but way more than that, I want a new phone. Mine is godawful. What color was your swim suit this year? I mean my most recently-worn is black, but I think it'd probably be too big for me now. I haven't swam in a long time. Do ladders scare you? Yes. Do you have any pictures of you and your friends in your bedroom? No. How do you eat Oreos? I'm one of those people that breaks the cookie to eat the cream first. Who or what sleeps with you? My cat Roman. Do you know anyone with the same name as you? Yes, but spelled differently. Are you pro-life or pro-choice? Honestly, it's become almost embarrassing to say I was ever pro-life. I'm vehemently pro-choice now. What color LED is the display in your car? Okay so Mom's has a rainbow of options, but I think it's currently stuck on... purple? I think? How am I unsure???? I'm in it every day?????????? Who was your first kiss with? Jason, my first "real" boyfriend. What kind of milk do you drink? I'll drink anywhere between skim to whole milk, but I'm not really a fan of skim despite having grown up with it. What aren’t you afraid to stand up for? I'd stand up for gay rights if it killed me. Do you know anybody in the military? Loosely. What was the last hotel you stayed at? I don't have the slightest clue. Do you have any STDs? No. What’s your preferred salad dressing? YO the Olive Garden dressing is b o m b. Do you have a favorite NASCAR driver? No. Who’s your celebrity crush? I'm almost 24 years old ha ha ha hahaha I'm too old for a celebrity crush aha hahaa haa aahha ah hahaaaaaaaaaaaaa- What color is your fridge? Black. Do you know the metric system well enough to live in Canada? No, admittedly. What was the biggest bruise you’ve ever had? Tell me the place (on your body) and the story of it! Idr. If you have Etsy account - show the very last item you added to the favorites. If not - either skip or just visit Etsy and find one thing you like: I think I have one, but I don't use it. I don't feel like looking. What would you do if you knew that you will be single to your very death (even if you’re in a relationship now)? Nothing would change...? My relationship status doesn't alter my goals and such. Are there any exchange students at your school? We have a LOT of foreign students at my school, so I'd assume so. Have you got any half or step siblings? I have three (actually four, but I don't know one tho) half-siblings and technically a step-brother, but I don't see him as a "brother," really. What cars do your siblings drive, if they do drive? My older sister has a red car, and my younger has a... black Kia, I think? It's dark is all I know for sure, and I only know the brand because it's new. I don't live with either or see their cars frequently elsewhere, so idk. What about your parents? Idk what kind my dad drives, but BOY do I know my mom's car, lmao. It's an older white Kia (I think?) with the bumper fuckin zip-tied onto the car bc it was given to us after a dance friend hit a poor deer, lmao. Look, we don't complain, shit was free. Do you like kid’s movies? Yo I do NOT trust you if you claim you like NO "kids' movie." Describe your handbag. I'm actually gonna look it up. (https://sourpussclothingwholesale.files.wordpress.com/2016/08/night-owl-bag.jpg?w=584&h=364) When was the last time you had to take someone home? ME, never. I don't have my license because I'm terrified of driving. Who was it, and where did you take them home from? N/A Have you ever known someone online and then met them in person? Sara Jaaaaaane!!! :'> There are other friends I'd like to meet, too. If so, which website did you meet on? Sara and I met via YouTube when it was actually community-oriented. Have you ever been to the beach? Yeah, multiple times. Have you ever been kicked out of somewhere? Yeah, I guess. She didn't actually like, force me outside, but I had to call my mother to pick me up. Have you ever intentionally trolled? No. Did you get swine flu? No. What is your favorite type of cat? Aesthetically, I find Persians to be way too cute, though I don't support their continued breeding. It's literally abuse to breed animals that deformed. Do you support the LGBTQ community? I'm bisexual, so like- Have you ever eaten a veggie burger? Yeah, the Morningstar brand from Burger King (not the Impossible Burger one). It's genuinely not bad. If you could meet any major political figure, who would it be? I'm not educated enough on like, any, to properly answer this question. If you drink Monster, what is your favorite flavor? N/A Do you own any Webkinz stuffed animals? I was that Bad Bitch(tm) with like,,,, almost all of them back in the day. If so, do you have a Webkinz online account? It exists, but idr the password sobs. If you had/have a Club Penguin account, how old were you when you got it? I would have a character for like two days, not go back on for years, repeat a couple times... but idk how old I was. Do you own any Nintendo video game consoles/handhelds? GameBoys and a DS Lite, yes. What religion were you raised in? Roman Catholicism. Are you still that religion, if you had one? Far from it. What religion/spiritual path intrigues you the most, if any? Buddhism and Wicca. What ancient culture intrigues you the most, if any? Idk. Were/are you a teacher’s pet? Not like, the kind that sucked up to the teacher for their personal benefit, but if you mean just as in the teacher's favorite, yeah. Do you like pink lemonade? Hell yeah man. What’s your favorite U2 song, if you have one? I don't listen to them. Were your parents born in the United States? Yeah. Do women breastfeeding in public make you feel uncomfortable? I want it to be perfectly and violently clear that I fucking despise you if a child being fed fucking offends you. Why or why not? Because women's bodies aren't sexual fucking objects designed for your viewing pleasure. Write an unpopular/offensive opinion of yours here. I’m interested. Buckle up, lads. Seatbelts fastened? Ass properly in the seat? Airbags in place? There are two genders.

[lovexdejun]

🖤NCT Boyfriend Series🖤 - [🌻] Lucas >>a little nsfw •a deadass meme
•met him through a friend when you all went out bowling or something
•he came off as a bit of a heartbreaker but you couldn’t help being drawn to him
•because despite his flirtatious attitude, he’s super funny and easy to talk to 
•yukhei isn’t as much of a player as you expected
•he’s really sweet and easily flustered, and he isn’t afraid of embarrassing himself 
•like he’ll so something that would have you mortified, but he’d just laugh it off
•oh and speaking of, the first time you hear his laugh
•you’re pretty sure your eardrums bursted 
•after you recover though, you’re folded in half from laughing so hard 
•i can picture him just staring at you with the biggest smile plastered across his face because hE DID THAT
•you’re not the best bowler, so when you’re trying to refrain from throwing the ball into the gutter, lucas shoots his shot w you
•he’ll sneak up behind you and press himself as close as he can without looking like too big of a pervert
•his voice is so deep and soft when he speaks sooooo close to your ear 
•instead of recoiling from him, you find yourself relaxing into his body as he runs his hand down your arm to fix your form 
•when you end up making a strike, you’ll run to him, throw your arms around him
•he’ll end up giving you a ride home that night bc you didn’t want to stop hanging out when the bowling alley closed
•somehow, you guys end up at a diner until 3am, just talking about nothing and everything alike 
•you find out you enjoy the way he chews his lips when he’s thinking 
•he’s weak for the way you throw your whole body back against the booth when you laugh super hard 
•you guys will end up hanging our more often outside of the group and eventually people will regret introducing you two lol
•bc you’re always too busy making plans with each other than them 
•your relationship is mostly platonic until he inevitably confesses 
•you’ll be playing video games at his house, sitting on his bed with his legs wrapped around your waist from behind
•and he’ll just stroke your hair and run his fingers down your back 
•”i like you… like really like you”
•when you turn around to look at him, he’ll just kiss you 
•it’ll be so soft and hesitant but once he feels you kissing him back, it’ll become desperate almost
•tbh the both of you have been holding back for sooooo looooong
•lucas is one of those boys who looks like they’d be a dom but he’s actually a softy who’ll melt at your touch 
•i can see it being a pretty switch relationship when it comes to the bedroom, but he would rather you take charge
•LOVES getting his hair pulled 
•there’d be a lot of hot, opened mouth kisses
•a lot of moaning and heavy breathing 
•his hand would slowly find its way to your throat every time you had sex/made out
•the most common position would be you riding him while he’s sitting up 
•bc he likes your bare chests touching
•also makes it easy to kiss you
•he reeeeeeally likes kissing you 
•since he’s 6001ft tall, he enjoys draping his arms over your shoulders and leaning down to kiss you 
•cuddles would consist of his head in your lap while you play with his hair
•or you laying on top of him, head on his chest, while he runs his fingers up and down your spine 
•dirty jokes
•always flirting with you 
•flirts with elderly ladies and they just adore him 
•your grandma is probably more in love with him than you are
•he’s actually very humble 
•surprises you with gifts a lot
•even if they’re small or handmade 
•he pays attention to the little things, so he knows things about you that you didn’t even know
•you’re definitely the adult in the relationship 
•he can be mature when he has to be, but on a normal day he’s just an extremely large child
•like, he’s the best with kids because he is one 
•sometimes this would cause fights tho, because sometimes you just need for him to act like an adult for once 
•will speak in different languages out of the blue
•lol but no seriously, can we talk about how some of the members will tease lucas for not being that great at korean or even chinese, but this boy is actually so smart… like he RAPS in full, near perfect english, randomly throws english words out there which means he probably doesn’t just practice those lines to get them right for recording, he actually LEARNS these words and knows what they mean. tbh he may speak in broken sentences, but it shows that he’s learning for us. as far as i know, this boy speaks fluent chinese, a little bit of thai, and is trying his fuckin hardest to learn korean and english as fluently as he can. plus he’s one of the most powerful dancers i’ve ever seen, so if that doesn’t scream dedication idk what does
•okay srry abt that lolll
•anyways, yukhei would be 100% loyal as fuck
•he may radiate casanova, but he would never even look at another girl/boy that wasn’t you
•a very open minded and accepting individual 
•dead set on making everyone around him laugh
•will brag about you to everyone who will listen because he’s so head-over-heels for you
•usually the last one to wake up, and usually you have to rip the covers off him/shake him/jump on him
•notorious for just pulling you into the bed with him and wrapping himself around you so you can’t get up and bother him again
•not that you mind
•he’s big and warm and you like the rise and fall of his chest against your back
•he has the BEST morning voice
•like it’s so deep and raspy and ugh
•waking up to him every morning would be the highlight of your day 
•bitch it would be the highlight of yukhei’s life 
•he believes with every ounce of his being that you’re his soulmate 
•would literally be the poster child for ‘get you someone who looks at you the way he looks at her/him”
•a relationship with lucas would be spontaneous and happy. he’d always keep you laughing and interested so you’d never get tired of him
•i’d classify him with opposites attract, soft, lazy, and power couple >>yukhei is a whole boyfriend and if you couldnt tell he’s one of my ultimate biases in nct like protect this boy at all cost bc he’s precious A/N: this was requested and i thought it was funny because i was actually doing yukhei next anyway lol i hope you guys enjoy this and i’m sorry that it’s a little all over the place:)) nct | requests are always open!!

[unproduciblesmackdown]

3 am’s a crazy time for it but it occurs to me i may as well give a heads up that i am like, for real at the present assuming that i’m gonna like, sometime in the very near future here be going offline again, in that sort of my ~plan~ (my one-step plan) is seeing if i can get myself on a bus (hopefully) and see if that can get me to the west coast. and from there i’ll just be like, well here i am in a place i’ve never been before, being unhoused for the second time but this time not living in my car, which is a bit different than living right out in the open, which i’ve never done. this, for example, is why i was looking up how to do makeshift stp devices. way easier to be able to pee wherever you are than have to find a place you can drop your whole pants, or an actual bathroom. apparently cutting the end off one of those plastic liquid medicine measuring things with the sorta spoon at its mouth works. anyways

i suppose it hasn’t necessarily showed but for a few weeks now i’ve def been feeling The Impending Pressure and it was getting down to the wire there not knowing if the Last Day Online would spring itself on me suddenly. but i can at least say i think i’ll have a days warning now and be able to say something with at least a matter of hours forewarning and not like, a matter of minutes. its been sorta wild though like, sorta assuming its like a Two Days Remain situation and in the midst of the unpredictability of depression, trying to just enjoy things as they’re happening, the simple stuff like chatting with people and being able to put my bullshit thoughts online...cranking out a fic chapter because it’s at least a better place to leave it hanging than it wouldve been otherwise.....just consuming this content that’s enjoyable and chill af.......i tell ya what—both in terms of being Fun and Anxiety-Reducing and Good Distractions and also, a great opportunity just to be talking to people on the daily which has been and continues to be absolutely fantastic—having been On that deh/etc will roland train for the past couple months has been a total gift. it was some great luck stumbling into that, seriously

anyways it’s weird! it’s weird thinking just like, i’ll suddenly do this thing and be on the other coast and just step out and be somewhere i don’t know and with no particular destination and maybe the lgbt center i looked up will at least tell me whats the best area to be in, sometimes they’re in the know abt that re: where’s a better spot to be homeless in than others. and from there, y’know, all i’ve been doing for years and all i can continue to do is absolutely wing it. and it’s funny that this all seems slightly less intimidating to me than it wouldve like, a year or two ago (even tho two yrs ago i was technically homeless lol but living in my car so like i said its different from living Right on the street) but honestly, obviously, it’s still very intimidating because how could it not be. i’m maybe not AS anxious but i’m still anxious and even though i know i could do it, i’d be stressed tf out and anxious as hell and shit while i was doing it. i mean, a crosscountry bus ride alone—i’ve never done that!! what if i mess up switching over to a different connecting ride between stations. bus and train bathrooms unnerve me, god forbid i have to get past someone to get to the aisle to GO to the bathroom. and, yknow, just a really long bus ride—how do you manage to sleep, how do i manage not to fall asleep at the wrong time cuz i doubt there’s an attendant telling you to get off at the right stop. though god knows it’s somewhat arbitrary where i’m deciding to go, i have no especial connection in one particular place over another, i think i have an uncle and cousin in CA but i don’t have the first idea where and i don’t know them at all

ugh. like there’s no actual way to feel good about it but if i’m gonna go somewhere it might as well be in a completely different place and i could try the west coast and i’m not one for making careful plans or thinking that making careful plans about your life works unless you’ve already got a lot of control about your situation, which i don’t. and it’s always been p inevitable that i wind up “properly” homeless, and it happens, and i don’t pretend it doesn’t scare me, but what are you gonna do? c’est ca que c’est / la vie. this way there’s a chance that A Big Change might lead the way for something better, and like hey if i die or some shit i die, which has always been a possibility anyways for the past like 6-7 years especially, what with how shitty i’ve felt lol. but i have no attachment where i’m at now and just. it’s hard to explain i guess if you’re not in the kind of place where i’m at but there’s not a lot of choices in the first place so, if i can choose the location, if it can be somewhere new where i MIGHT like to be for once, that’s better than not. and somehow so far i’ve managed to go with the flow surrounding big changes and sometimes wild situations, even if i’ve felt like crap and been super worried sometimes too. i don’t know for how many years now i’ve been Not assuming i’d be alive by the next year, but here i am having gotten this far, at least. it’s fairly impressive even if i don’t have any amazing achievements. believe it or not i’m pretty satisfied with my Achievements as just like, dumbass blog posts and fic/art and occasionally contributing something someone enjoys and getting to talk to people sometimes. it’s how i’ve been able to enjoy myself in the midst of some really awful times for the past like 6 yrs and i’ve appreciated it every day i’ve gotten to surf the net

like i guess it’s like haha, nerd, that half of what i’m worried about is being offline. but it’s a big deal being able to connect w the world beyond your immediate reach and distract yourself and say things and maybe even Enjoy yourself and also actually get to talk to people. but hey sometimes even people who live on the street manage to snag wifi connections somehow. i’d have to ask them how, lol. but, yknow, like i said, for a couple weeks especially it’s been like , Not Assuming I’ll NOT Lose Internet Connection and thus really trying to bear down on appreciating it. not like being offline for 5 months or so didn’t also make me appreciate it extra already. i was gonna say i survived it but i did get wildly depressed throughout like, august? september? probably both lol. anyways. what i’m trying to say i guess is that i’m not actually assuming i’ll be okay, but that only means so much because like, not to sound dramatic but i’ve pretty much never been okay on account of ive been just a half step away from living on the streets ever since leaving my parents house where i’d previously lived my whole life, which was an abusive situation. and also the depression and the years of really wanting to die which, at least 2018 didn’t have TOO much of that, in terms of feeling like it might be impending. now i can’t really be bothered, i’m just floating along and if i die i die, right. what i’m trying to say is, there’s not really any Good Proper option to choose where i’m definitely okay, so it’s basically about choosing between bad options, and with this choice i might at least like the location a little better, change of scenery, not as cold as here, i dunno. there’s not a way to just choose my way into being okay. it’s all a roll of the dice anyhow

also it’s weird but one thing about being on my own is it takes the pressure off me in certain ways and it’s a bit easier for me to Do things. if there’s anyone else to answer to in any way, i tend to just not ever decide anything and definitely don’t pursue anything. i’m one of those ppl who either has to live alone or with ppl they’re really really really comfortable with, and since i don’t have the latter around and nobody especially me can afford the former, it’s like, well, how is not everybody homeless anyway, right? and people do it. because yknow, you have to do it, it’s suddenly just your situation and somehow people get through every day. idk. learn as you go. what can ya do. it’s choosing between various bad options, i could also just wander into the mountains and die, but i’d rather not, and offing myself is Way a hassle, and also would be difficult, same as dying of exposure/dehydration in this middle of nowhere patch of mtns. i might as well try my luck at being in a place where you COULD maybe survive or something, and where i could at least feel like, if i do manage to have any good things happen, i would even possibly want to be in that area and be more comfortable living there. i have no roots anywhere and only have a No Zone (near my parents house) and so its sorta like, pick a random place to be!! lol. ahhhh

what can i say. it also sucks having to think “boy, in addition to not dying, hope i don’t get physically/sexually assaulted—also, how do people get water??” but......such is the way that it is. i don’t know. i don’t think anybody looks at impending homelessness and goes “i’m okay about this and not at all afraid.” and it’s strange to talk about how this is sort of ~by choice~ but it’s not exactly, in that i didn’t choose to only have abusive family and how even though i was working while living in my car it would never have been enough for rent probably even if i had someone to split it with and i also didn’t choose to not be rich in the first place and *the economy...... .png*

sigh. i dunno, it’s hard because i can’t talk about it a right way or long enough and get to a point i don’t feel intimidated or upset that once i Go Offline i’ll for real just be on my own unless and until i manage to get online for a moment again, in which case i’ll still be on my own, but i’ll feel a bit less alone, ha ha

anyways. speaking of trying to appreciate the simple pleasures of talking about whatever weird shit i wanna talk about and pushing myself to draw/write as it feels like it gets even more down to the wire—time to do that! 4 am and time to draw this weird meme & hopefully crank out the rest of this oneshot & maybe even draw again, and maybe again—it’s cool cuz i slept weird the other night and then got again weirdly tired in the afternoon and took a long depression nap w sorta fun, sorta bizarre dreams. augh. so at least i figure i’m just cruisin now, Not Sleeping-wise

i might have to ask a favor eventually in that there’s something really super simple i ought to look up, but i’d have a ton of trouble making myself do so because of anxiety, yknow how it is. but i’ll ask that if and when i ask it

[6ad6ro]

an explanation post and small update about that thing that recently happened with that one ex friend. just fyi, this is very long:

first, some backstory. i have an issue where i often end up staying in abusive relationships (friends/family/dating) for way too long for various reasons. that said, this friend. they were always problematic. they would continue aggressively making passes at me even tho i rejected them constantly. like really gross passes that reminded me of why i “hate (stereotypical) men”. bc it was real bro-style creeping. hitting on me incessantly. always hanging all over me and making any excuse to have physical contact. making gross innuendo “jokes” that went too far just… always. at one point they licked my ear when we were taking a photo together. etc.

now i confronted them on this many times. asked them to tone it down. explained how uncomfortable and stressed they made me. told them “i’m sorry but i just don’t feel that way and i wanna be friends” like god SO often. my sister (used to be friends w them too) even would sit and we’d try to explain to them why they needed to stop.

but of course, they’d always reply to this with extreme defensiveness. say i was just over thinking it. that this is just who they were. that they joke with ALL their friends this way (sidenote i’ve seen how squeamish they can make their other friends). that “maybe i should rethink my standards for what is okay and not okay”. would even accuse me of being paranoid and “gaslighting” them. even when it got better, they were always making little jokes like “oh srry i wanted to pat you on the back but idk if you’ll get mad at me” like they really wanted to let me know i was in the wrong. and beyond that, they always seemed to be like actively trying to find new avenues of hitting on me.

and that was just the personal space issues. they’d also like rage at games when we played together? like slamming my controller to the floor when they lost. being overly competitive. being rude to my other friends if they were “holding them back” in a game. they’d actually criticize people who didn’t agree with how they wanted to play as being “unskilled” and “not real gamers”. and if you ever were beating them, they’d be all angry and say stuff like you were being “ cheap”. any mistake they made in a game was “people cheating”. but any time they did well (including purposeful exploiting), it was a boast worthy achievement. trashtalk all day but only they were allowed to do it.

it was weird too bc TBH THEY AREN’T EVEN ALL THAT GOOD. like overall, i’d almost always beat them. my sister too. they were mediocre at best. but of course… they’d literally make statements like “i almost always beat you” and “i usually win” when it was just… such a rare occurrence. its just… when it came to trying to have a fun play session with people, they put the game and winning above… you know… having fun w the rest of us? and sidenote they were always SUPER picky about what game we played. and when it came to options like “what guns to use” or “what stage to play”… you know how often people take turns so everyone is happy? on their turn, they’d get respect. but on everyone elses turn, they’d always like… fuck around and change options back to theirs and like revert stuff and just…

not that age matters but did i mention they were 27. i mean idk i only bring it up bc they reminded me so much of a little kid like esp about videogames. but there were a lot of other issues with them too. but i’ll just bring up the last big one. they… morally/politically? they tended to be in a cool direction in general. v “supports human rights overall” kinda person. but… they were the type who were idk v quick to judge? they would make extreme judgement calls with no information. they’d always end up fixated on conspiracies rather than perceiving things with moderation. people can think what they want imo, but the issue here is how they needed anyone close to them to agree with them too? 

example: one time i was driving w them in an area that had very little shops and it was late and i had forgotten to pick up a gift for someone we were meeting. just a small thing to thank them for a favor. the ONLY store open and around was walmart. yes fine walmart sucks but  idk i needed a gift. i mentioned i was gonna stop by there and they were like “no not walmart”. and i’m like “yeah i know lol” and they were like “no seriously we cant go in there”. long story they refused to go in, wouldn’t wait in the car, and made it out like if i went in that there would be a big problem. i ended up showing up to the person empty handed and it sucked. another time just recently i was gonna get some lays potato chips and they were like “ew no you can’t buy anything from the cocacola company” and like shamed me and walked off so i couldn’t get them. idk this kinda stuff happens all the time tbh? but it doesn’t stop at just like pretentious annoyance. they’d go HARD with political opinions too and if you disagreed w them they’d HATE you. not just internet forums or strangers. but friends. one time my sister (who for the sake of the story is pan and leaning towards non-binary) disagreed with them when they made a sweeping statement on fb about how some specific thing made everyone “transphobic”. anyways when my sister tried to discuss it with them they literally sicked their friends on her and insulted and browbeat her until she just had to leave. she got stressed at the end and yelled back finally and then they sent her a pm like “i’m really disappointed in you. i’ll be waiting for an apology when you’re ready to give it”. lol long story short my sis dropped them at that point. as she put it “i thought highschool was over”. she was already super mad at them for how they were treating me sexually anyhow tho like... srry but i guess one of my points is my sister is like one of the coolest, nicest, best people i know. she never drops people. but she dropped THEM. over the years i’ve asked them why they go from 0 to 11 so fast and why they don’t... idk... “lead” people into agreeing with them rather than angrily and violently just immediately demanding it? and as they put it “people with strong opinions will never change so don’t bother with them” and “i act how i do as an example to others of how to be a good person”. but god i guess just recently i came to realize that they were just... i don’t think they cared about other people. they just wanted to protect THEMSELVES above all else? they wanted a reason to judge people. it was all an excuse for them to feel self-righteous and act entitled and superior. oops i forgot to mention that they’re pan and gender-neutral as well? maybe they identify as trans but idk. the only reason i mention it is bc they definitely use it as a way to shame people and feel superior. i know it’s easy to be sensitive about that stuff considering, but they go above and beyond. and it’s weird that they’re all about human rights and w/e bc GOD they’re so gross sexually and... srry another example. so they’re a furry. totally fine imo. but one day we were walking around a downtown area with a lot of bars late at night and they were wearing fox ears/tail and bein themselves nbd. but we passed by a “drunkbus” right as cookie-cutter bros spilled out of it. one of them was like “hey i didn’t know the furry convention was in town” and i immediately got super angry and turned to say something. but then i looked to see my friend had just continued to walk away? i took a breath and walked back to them and was like “i’m so sorry like do you want me to say something?” and they were like “it’s okay some day i’ll fuck them until they like it” or “until i turn them” or god idk i think they maybe even used the term “rape”... alarm bells tbh. blahh i won’t go into any more details but lets just say how they act and how they say a person SHOULD act is a dictionary definition of hypocrisy. well anyways, i guess my point i wanted to make with this backstory is, as i’ve finally come to realize... they’re an immature, self-righteous, spoiled person with a pretty distinct martyr complex. and they’re kinda rapey. they always used to complain about all this drama they had and how awful everyone was to them... and it always sounded like “really bad luck”? but i realize now that they were just a tornado of selfishness with like no emotional control and they couldn’t keep friends for too long before it just had to end in a big flaming ball. sorry like i should point out i know they’re obv full of mental illness... but i don’t think they really go to therapy or seek help for any of it? like so many of us on here are pretty messed up but we do our best? this person is not doing their best. they clearly feel the world should change before they do. anyways anyways anyways. this friendship lasted for idk 2 years? 3? it was weird that i didn’t notice my own reactions as warning signs. like when i don’t know someone too well or am having issues... i’ll often bring another friend to hangouts as a sort of buffer. maybe uncool, but it helps. usually this only lasts for like one or two hangouts. but with this ex friend, it lasted the entire period. whenever i tried to hang out w them alone, a much bigger incident would always happen, and i’d go back to square one. but okay. the actual story of the incident: so i was always trying to get them to hang out with me and another friend bc i felt like we all had v similar hobbies, and this past tuesday it finally happened. we all hung out at other friend’s place and played games and ate food and outside of exfriend’s usual little issues, it went really well. at some point it was mentioned that sonic mania released that day. it was something we had all been very excited about, but we already had plans that day and some of us (me) didn’t want to experience the game the first time in a distracted social environment. but i mentioned “ugh i have a doc appointment early tomorrow but i’ll still dl it right when i get home. i better not play it tho lol weh”! when they heard i was buying it, they were like “oh man you gotta let me come over and try it”. i knew they were a big fan of the guy who made it and a huge sonic fan, but also that they had just lost their job and money was tight (i had to buy their food that day). i had a feeling they’d morally be against pirating it temporarily until they could afford it. so idk i was like “hey listen as long as we only play like the first act each, i could take you to my place before i drive you home. but only if you’re okay with being v quick bc i have dr in the morning”. sidenote they refuse to drive and don’t use a bike so hanging out with them always involved carting them around. and no before they lost their job (v recently), they coulda def afforded it. they literally were constantly buying insanely expensive collectibles like think of the most expensive gaming stuff you can and they prob have it. sealed panzer dragoon saga. vectrex with every game. fami twin with working disc system parts. ique with most games loaded. mint physical laserdisc copy (beta?) of dragons lair from the arcade machine. whatever. my point is they spent all their money on toys instaid of bettering themselves. we all do it but they took it to an extreme. one other thing... they only would communicate over their parent’s lan line phone and over facebook. they refused to have a cellphone. back to story. they excitedly agreed to my conditions and we went back to my place and installed the game. i started playing and god it was amazing (obv)! i got to the end of act 1 in a couple of minutes and was like “okay i should rly quit and hand it to you” but they were like “no no finish the zone” and tbh it was so good i agreed. so i played until i beat the boss and then i was like “okay i can’t go further” and quit and then handed it to them. i think the whole zone took me like... 5 minutes? this is when it started getting weird. i noticed my gf had called and like idk she was a bit worried bc i normally call her after i get home from my other friend’s place (we hang every tuesday like clockwork) and it had gotten really late but i forgot to let her know. it was really sweet and i didn’t want her to worry so i was like “hey uh shoot do you mind if i call her?” and tbh they were like already so absorbed in playing the game they weren’t even paying attention to me. but i had given them the rly comfy chair but it blocked the exit to the room. i couldn’t even squeeze by unless they moved first. so i started like asking them ‘hey uh do you mind pausing and moving so i could get by?”... nothing. again i asked. ignored. this went on for like idk 30 sec? a minute? until i finally was like hovering my finger over to hit the pause button like “can you please just pause so i can leave” like... and only then did they finally say “well fine but i don’t even know how to pause”. let me take the time to point out that they are prob the most techy person i know. esp about old game systems. they build flashcarts and repair ancient consoles and solder and mod and they worked the past 4(?) years at a legit retro game store. and they were amazing to begin with. it’s a small thing, but they coulda figured out how to pause a switch. they’d played one many times before too. so finally i have them pause it. and i’m like still standing there for 30 sec or so and they still aren’t budging? and i’m like “you uhh gotta get up so i can get by the chair is blocking me”. they continue to idk ignore??? i finally have to literally pick up the chair WITH them still in it and move it aside. only then could i pass. idk but i didn’t get angry or anything bc i was just relieved to finally get by. as i walked out of the room i mentioned to them “hey if i take too long just keep playing obv but when i walk in please pause it and quit immediately so i don’t see later level content plz” (i’m a big baby and have been avoiding all details for so long and was looking forward to the surprise lol). and they were like “okay” or something. i went out to my car and talked w my gf for god idk 15 or 20 min? i didn’t want to talk that long but she was going to bed soon and was a bit down/ill and i still wanted to talk to her and idk i knew worst case my one friend would love the extra time to play. and i felt like if i stayed out that long i could go in to a very satisfied friend, you know? so i get off the phone and head inside. i enter the room and am like “okay i’m back plz pause it like we gotta go”! ignored. i ask again kinda lol trying to plug my ears and not look. ignored. at that point i notice the same song from the first zone is playing and i look over and it is in fact the same level and i’m like ??? “wait how are you still on the first level??” and they were like “oh i’m completing all of the special stages”. the first thought i had was like oh wow cool they really wanted to stick to my initial request of only playing the first zone? unnecessary but v nice of them! i guess i was really reaching for an explanation lol... so whatever they still are playing so i sit down next to them and am watching them play for another minute or so. i was about to say something bc they still weren’t stopping but then i notice how close they are to the boss and am like “oh okay cool you’re p much to the boss so you’ll be done super quick”. they keep playing. at that point i notice they’;re like... taking sonic up and around the level kinda in circles? and backtracking? like? it’s really weird and i’m like “wait what are you doing” and they’re like “trying to get rings to complete the special stages”... so i’m like “uhh sorry tbh but i’m already way past when i wanted to go to bed is there any way you can just... go to the boss”?? and they’re still doing their thing and ignoring me and so i speak up again like “cmon like i’m really sorry but this doctors appointment is an obligation and i really need to get to bed”. and at that point they pause the game. stand up angrily. kinda fling the controller so it hits the table and falls onto the hard floor. they start kinda flailing their arms angrily and say in this really sour tone “oh im sorry i just thought you were gonna idk let me PLAY the GAME”??? i start replying like “listen i’m sorry i just like i don’t have a choice in the matter like i have to go to bed like you had like 3 times as much time as i did and idk maybe you can take the switch into the car or something idk??” and they just kinda angrily say “whatever whatever just stop yelling at me”. btw i’m not yelling. i’m definitely definitely not yelling. i’m not even angry. calm. nice. confused at best? and this isn’t one of those things where it’s like “im not yelling bc when i yell you really KNOW it”... i just wasn’t yelling by anyone’s terms. at that point i’m like “listen i’m sorry i just don’t know why this is becoming such an issue like idk maybe you can wear headphones in the car and keep playing later levels or...” and that’s when they’re like “it doesn’t matter just STOP yelling at me”. and the chair is in the way of the exit and needs to be like lifted and moved so we can leave. but at that point they take their foot and just KICK the chair across the room. at that point i’m kinda like “listen i’m sorry if i have a tone in my voice or am hurting your feelings but tbh it’s kinda hard to remain perfectly calm when you’re sorta throwing a temper tantrum and..” and that’s when they shouted as loud as they could “OKAY NOPE UH UH BYEEE” and swung open the door and ran through the house to the exit door. i’m trying to call after them like “shit i’m really sorry but i don’t have time to chase after you i gotta go to bed please can i just take you home like if you leave i gotta just let you and go to bed” and they ignore me and run outside. it’s like 2am at this point btw. i kinda go outside to check if they’re standing there cooling down but no. long gone. ran down the street i think. so i go back inside. turn the light out. and lock the door. i just dont have time to deal with this. i want to but i can’t. but i sit there for a few minutes. and... (maybe) the mentally ill/abused side of me is like “well you COULD go look for them and try to calm them down and drive them home and it wouldn’t take THAT much longer than you were gonna already spend driving them, right? worst case if you don’t find them you can just go home and go to bed”. and so i head outside.as i enter my car tho, i get this weird gut awful feeling of deja vu? i realise pretty quickly that this scenario was pretty similar to the ones i had pretty regularly with my one really bad ex gf. the one who was a manipulative sociopath that used me and cheated on me and also had no emotional control etc etc etc lol? and idk i was surprised bc... i thought that this part of my life had been over. but still... the dumb side of my brain ignored that and carried on. i drove along the path i assumed they walked, thinking maybe they woulda taken the time to calm down. after a bit i finally caught up to them. i pulled up slowly and kinda called out like “hey i’m really sorry like i never wanted it to go down that way like you’re my friend like let me take you home i’m really sorry”. they ignored me for a bit and kept doing that angry car walk thing as i had to slowly follow behind and continue apologizing. finally they stopped and came to the window. they were like “listen you can’t talk to me like that and abuse me like that like what you did was so awful and bullying and ..” and went on like that for a min. and i was like “listen i’m sorry and i know me using that one word in particular must have really set you off but idk..” like trying to explain to them why i said “temper tantrum” (BC THATS WHAT THEY FUCKING HAD BTW THATS WHAT IT GD WAS) but i was trying to be nice about it? so i continued on “well i mean the reason i said that was okay like i know you were agitated but you kinda like tossed my controller haphazardly and it hit the floor and yeah i’m sure it was an accident...” and at that point they stuck their head inside the window like super close to my face and shouted as loud and angrily and full of spittle as they fucking could “WELL MAYBE IT WAS A FUCKING ACCIDENT THEN”!!!! i’m like... idk... adrenaline just dumps into my body. i’m giving this person so so so many chances tonight. being so nice. and this is a problematic friend to begin with. and they’re shouting in my face like this as i try to apologize to them so i can drive them home after they ran off. but i’m a pacifist and i try to avoid conflict. but still... i’m like, probably quietly, “you... you can’t just yell at me like that. you aren’t allowed to yell at me like that.” and they open their mouth and start shouting more. and that’s when i shout back “I WON’T LET YOU SHOUT AT ME LIKE THAT”!!! idk if it scared them or what like i know i’m pretty booming and alarming when i shout idk but regardless they yanked their head out of the window and backed away from the car and i split second checked they were clear and i just floored it. but... i quickly slammed on the breaks. took a breath. decided i didn’t want it to be like this (do you see how stupid/messed up i am). i put it in reverse and turned around to back up. but i have to slam on the breaks. thank god i was only idling at that point. bc they’re pressed RIGHT up against my back bumper. i’m trying to comprehend all this bc there’s a v big sidewalk and they were on it when i started to speed off so why are they right behind my car now? a BIG alarm bell goes off in my head but i ignore it. i stare at them as they wait pressed against my bumper for like half a minute, giving them “what are you doing” eyes and gestures. finally they come back to the window. i’m like “listen. i’m really really sorry. it’s okay if you hate me. we don’t have to talk about it or at all. i made a mistake. i’m very sorry. can i just... take you home? i feel bad. we can try and work out this stuff later if we have to”. at that point they start yelling at me again (not screaming but just normal yelling) and telling me how awful and bullying and abusive etc i am and how their reactions were justified and idek bc they started walking off again. FINALLY. FINALLLLLY. my brain accepts this situation as fairly impossible and unreasonable and i decide i gotta be done. i just... can’t? anymore?? even if i wanted to... i don’t have time? so i pull up next to them and say sternly “you know what? you can’t treat your friends like this or they will LEAVE you.” and i sped off. i think i heard them screaming after me like “YOU SHOULD TAKE YOUR OWN ADVICE” but god knows like my car is junk but i had floored it so they were long gone. okay so that’s PRETTY much the end of it. i decided pretty quickly after that that i was DONE with this person forever. that this wasn’t the kind of friendship i wanted. over the next few days i came to realize i should have been done with this person almost immediately. again, weird parallels to my worst ex. you don’t have to be dating someone or romantic w them for it to be a super abusive relationship. well anyhow i decided to avoid facebook or communicating w them for a bit so i could figure out how to like “officially end it”. because i was sure that they’d have gone on fb and written one of their common “i’m sorry i acted that way BUT” fake apologies where they pretend to be sorry but then negate the apologies by justifying all their behavior by making me out as some super abusive monster. 3 days later, i bite the bullet and check facebook, bc i realize this also is a pretty easy way for me to like... end it with them in a polite and cordial way? to pretend i don’t hate them. to talk to them in a way that hopefully keeps them from freaking out at me the next time our paths cross? also bc deep down i still do remember the good times and have a bit of respect for them. sure enough, it was there. the half-apology that leads into “you need to learn how to talk to people”. “you bullied me just like this person”. “when you talk to anyone you should use this tone”. tbh i only barely glazed over it. i started my reply along the lines of “i don’t want to get into a big discussion about what happened, but i think it would be best if we parted ways. i don’t think we’re compatible as friends. i hope we can be polite if we ever run into each other again. i’m really sorry that it turned out this way.” etc etc etc. part way in, i noticed their last short msg. sent way after the initial bunch of “sorry not sorry”s. it was just a half sentence. “i guess i should apologize for jumping in front of your car...” ... THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE. THAT BASTARD. THEY REALLY DID IT. THEY REALLY WERE TRYING TO FORCE ME TO INJURE THEM WITH MY CAR SO THEY COULD ENTRAP ME OR SUE ME OR FUCK MY LIFE UP. I THOUGHT I WAS BEING CRAZY AND PARANOID WHEN I HAD THAT THOUGHT BUT IT WAS TRUE. THAT ABSOLUTE LUNATIC. *deep breath* i’m still shaken. it was just a fluke that i didn’t step on the gas before i noticed them against my bumper. it EASILY could’ve gone down in the worst way. god. and all this over me asking them to stop playing sonic mania. tbh the experience kinda soured the game a bit for me? i mean... thank god it’s so good but really who even gives a shit bc it’s just a game like GOD fucking DAMN i can’t believe i had something so FUCKED happen at this stage in my life. i know it’s a really self-hating thing to do to blame myself for having someone like that around but... my. god. i ended up sending the fb message that i was initially planning and ignoring all the impulses to scream at them or call some authority (idek what i could do here) or tell them they need immediate help or what bc what the fuck. and i haven’t checked fb since. i wanna be done forever. i don’t ever wanna see or hear or hear about this person again. it’s a bit silly but i’m cleaning house and getting rid of all the stuff they got for me (i rejected most of their “wooing” gifts but a few still got through bc general gift exchange”. i know it’s messed up but i even washed all the clothes i was wearing w them regardless if it needed a wash or not. maybe it was symbolic. but they’re dead to me. god. it’s not just for the best it’s goddamn mandatory.

ANYWAYS so that’s it i guess. sorry i know how long this was. i don’t REALLY expect anyone to read through all this. but if you do, plz lmk so i can say thanks i guess lol? it’s just nice to get it all out there bc it kinda messed me up... really bad? idk. and oh um i’ll still reply to people individually for asking about the previous post that related to this? but it’s taking me a bit to do replies bc i’m just... kinda scared regarding social stuff rn considering.  i guess the last thing i’ll say is if part of you is telling yourself that someone is abusive and you find yourself constantly making really big considerations or umm excuses just to hang out with someone? maybe don’t. there are many good people out there for you. abusive people can be dangerous. be careful and try to surround yourself with nice, happy people. <3

[valkyrr]

1-96, just because :P

-cracks knuckles- OH BOY alright, let’s do this

full meme under the cut 

(1) Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed?

my closet doesn’t have a door!

(2) Do You Have Freckles?

YEA but they’re really faint unless i’ve been hanging out in the sun for a while

(3) Can You Whistle?

NO and I’m bitter

(4) Last Song You Listened To.

God Only Knows - The Beach Boys

(5) What Is Your Favourite Colour?

atm it’s blue, but it changes often

(6) Relationship Status.

single and kind of ready to mingle i’m not really sure just gonna see how things go

(7) What Is The Temperature Right Now?

66 degrees F

(8) Did You Wake Up Cranky?

nope

(9) How Many Followers?

208

(10) Zodiac Sign.

Libra!!

(11) What Is Your Eye Colour?

Hazel I think,,

(12) Take A Vitamin Daily?

if you’re talking abt a daily multivitamin and not medication then NO that’s a level of health I am Not At

(13) Do You Sing In The Shower?

ofc, i’ve figured out how to balance my phone on the shower ledge w/o it getting wet so i can sing to songs lmao

(14) What Books Are You Reading?

none atm

(15) Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14.

Ferahgo watched him intently and commented, “What’s that noise? Has one of your teeth broken? Oh look, it’s fallen out. (...)”

(16) Favourite Anime?

Lupin III 

(17) Last Person You Cried In Front Of?

my mom

(18) Do You Collect Anything?

Vinyls!

(19) What Did You Have For Lunch?

Crackers that may have been sitting in our pantry for ~4 months now

(20) Do You Dance In The Car?

nah, but i’ll sing

(21) Favourite Animal?

Lynx

(22) Do You Watch The Olympics?

YEA I love the Olympics!

(23) What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed?

1 AM - 3 AM

(24) Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now?

ye

(25) Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean?

Ocean

(26) Favourite Tumblr Blog?

all of my mutuals tbh.....

(27) Bottled Water Or Tap Water?

Bottled

(28) What Makes You Happy?

Music

(30) Do You Study Better With Or Without Music?

with, but it’s gotta be classical or smooth jazz or Chill Anime Beats 24/7 or something

(31) Dogs Or Cats?

b o t h

(32) If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be?

Orange

(33) PlayStation Or Xbox.

used to be team Xbox, i’m PS now bc i’m a traitor

(34) Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean?

Lake

(35) Do You Believe In Magic?

depends what kind!

(36) What Colour Shirt Are You Wearing?

gray

(37) Can You Curl Your Tongue?

ye

(38) Do You Save Money Or Spend It?

try to save it as best i can!

(39) Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You?

no

(40) Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now?

I’m back on my Bloodborne bullshit rn but besides that I’m really getting into Kings of Convenience as a band and i’m digging their music??

(41) Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly?

YEA kid me used to chase them around, keep them for a little bit, then release them

(42) Are You Easily Influenced By Other People?

ye, please be aware i’m gonna copy personality traits if i’m around the same person for a while

(43) Do You Have Strange Dreams?

lately yeah?? but i can’t ever remember them tbh

(44) Do You Like Going On Airplanes?

ye

(45) Name One Movie That Made You Cry.

Good Will Hunting

(46) Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds?

Peanuts

(47) If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be?

honestly I still wanna see Fleet Foxes live but i’m ~salty~ because they just came to detroit @ a venue i’ve been at before and really liked and i was busy the day of their concert

(48) Are You A Picky Eater?

not rly unless it comes to texture

(49) Are You A Heavy Sleeper?

tbh an atomic war could happen and if I was sleeping i’d be none the wiser

(50) Do You Fear Thunder / Lightning?

every time a thunderstorm happens i get 100% stronger

(51) Do You Like To Read / Write?

yea if i’m in the mood for it!

(52) Do You Like Your Music Loud?

also depends on my mood

(53) Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents?

Carve pumpkins

(54) Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up?

The Growlers - Love Test

(55) What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather)

Summer still, but it’s starting to feel like Fall in the evenings

(56)What Are You Craving Right Now?

Pizza

(58) What Is Your Gender?

Cis girl

(59) Coffee Or Tea?

Tea all the way

(60) Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About?

No thank goodness

(61) What Is Your Sexuality?

Super Ace

(62) Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning?

I wish;;

(63) Favourite Pokemon?

Entei/ Aggron

(64) Favourite Social Media?

This hellsite

(65) What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories?

They’re cool, never use them though

(66) Do You Get Homesick?

All the time

(67) Are You A Virgin?

Ye

(68) What Shampoo And Conditioner Are You Using Right Now?

Idk i think it’s like “Maui moisture” or somethin, i just picked it bc it smelled pretty good

(69) If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free?

Sleep in my car, i’m a huge germaphobe abt motels/hotels in general

(70) Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life?

yes, thankfully

(71)  Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters?

idk, the last one I wanted to see was Baby Driver but i don’t think it’s in theaters anymore?

(72) Do You Miss Your Ex?

i only have one(1) ex from like...... grade school. lmao. i completely forgot about him ‘till this question

(73) What Is Your Favourite Quote Right Now?

this

(74) What Eye Colour Do You Find Sexiest?

Brown eyes are VERY underrated

(75) Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set?

YEAH

(76) What Was The Last Thing You Ate?

Tuna + Peaches

(77) What Games Do You Have On Your Phone?

i have Fallout Shelter but i’m thiiiiiis close to deleting it because it’s stressful af and i get way too attached to my dwellers

(78) Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not?

yea of course lmao I can’t see a reason why anyone wouldn’t???????

(79) Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight?

I used to pull internet marathons like that when I was in high school but I’m kinda over it

(80) Stalked Someone On A Social Network?

never in a creepy way, but i follow a ton of bands i like on instagram and i get unreasonably exited when one of them posts something to their story

(81) Do You Like Meeting New People?

Yea!

(82) Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them.

Not often

(83) Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed?

Closed

(84) What Are Three Things You Did Today?

got in touch w a friend i hadn’t talked to in a while, did some laundry, drew a bit!

(85) What Do You Wear To Bed?

usually pj shorts and a t shirt

(86) List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now.

 I have a ton of lipstick from Colourpop, a bunch o’ e.l.f. stuff, and some other misc things

(87) Are You A Day Or Night Person?

Night

(88) List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc.

there’s......... so many tbh

(90) Favourite Soda Drink?

Cream Soda 

(91) What Sounds Are Your Favourite?

Rain on the window, cars passing on the road outside, running water

(92) Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More?

Jeans

(93) How Do You Look Right Now?

probably Bad, just chillin in my pjs 

(94) Name Something That Relaxes You.

Reading

(95) What Tattoo Do You Want?

Okay I’d love to get something in the traditional style but I’m also one of those people who would prefer a tattoo w meaning and I don’t really know of anything I’d put on my body permanently yet?? Might change down the road idk

(96) Favourite YouTuber?

I’m only rly on YouTube for the music 

thanks for the asks :)

[artlessictoan]

How I’d do Naruto Next Gen

okok I’ve been wanting to do something more in depth and organised than my usual ranting about how everything is terrible now, so here we go! (though lbr this is just my usual ranting but 10x longer)

for the sake of brevity ha and my own piece of mind I’m not gonna go into how unnecessarily hetro the ending was and how everyone should’ve been gay and hey not every couple absolutely had to get married and/or have kids and also nart should’ve gotten the opportunity to realise that becoming hokage wasn’t necessary to achieve his real goal of becoming someone loved and accepted by others and he deserved so much better tbh and why isn’t sak just running the whole show and why isn’t there more sand sibs, bc let’s face it none of that was ever gonna happen, so these ideas are mostly built with the premise that all the canon couples stay canon and all the kids are still around and the product of those ships and the big plot things that happened (like nart becoming hokage and the like) stay roughly the same

forewarning bc else someone’s bound to say something; if you enjoy the next gen stuff? not a problem! that’s great, people enjoying stuff is a good thing! I wish I could enjoy more stuff, bc enjoying things is far more fun than not enjoying things! everyone has a different taste though and for me – and a lot of other people – the way that the next gen has turned out has been a disappointment, this post is for those people, so we can talk about why we think it’s failed and what we would’ve like to see instead, if you don’t feel that way about it.. well just scroll on past this post and keep enjoying the things you enjoy! have an absolute blast, you’ve earned it!

under the cut bc I am apparently incapable of keeping my rambling concise, there’s 2000 words of only vaguely coherent thoughts and tangents, so maybe get yourself a cuppa and a snack before trudging through it (some of this I’ve said in other posts before but w/e)

---

first off lets change some of the kids’ personalities, there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with any of them, but like….. 90% are carbon copies of one of their parents (and mostly their dads but I won’t get into that issue rn) which is ridiculous, bc personality traits aren’t genetic?? like my mum is super chill and sensible and my dad is short-tempered, but I’m an anxious mess and my bro is an anti-social control freak.. we didn’t get any of that from either of our parents

while it’s certainly true that you might be influenced by them (me and mum share a lot of interests and tastes), it’s not a hard and fast rule and I don’t find it realistic that EVERY kid takes after their parents, though I probably wouldn’t have such a problem with it if they were more a mix of both parents than just their dads, so here’s some potential alterations:

Boruto. good fucking lord, no, we did not need a clone of Naruto heading another series, if we wanted to see a rambunctious scamp who gets into trouble but loves his friends a whole lot and has a knack for giving inspirational speeches, then there’s already a whole 700 chap manga for that! one with a far more likable and interesting rambunctious scamp tbqh. so how about we make a few alterations, maybe instead of taking after Nart, Bolt takes a bit more after Hinata? a little quiet and a bit of a pushover, but someone who’ll quickly stick up for a friend and has an ease of communication that’s a bit more Nart? not shy so much as laidback and composed, maybe he isn’t all that interested in being a ninja too, like he’s quite skilled but is a pacifist and would much rather get a civilian job as idk a baker or gardener or something

Shikadai. only a few minor changes here bc I really do like the kid as he is, I’d just like to see him using Tema’s abilities too (and maybe also being just a bit more snarky and unyielding like his mum)

Inojin. I’m kinda torn on this one, bc I do like that he’s a lot like Sai (at least in the anime, he seems to have a pretty different personality from what little we’ve seen of him in the manga???), but I think it’d be pretty interesting if he was just not like either of his parents, maybe if he was very quiet and subdued, but also the mastermind behind all the kid’s pranks, has a mischievous streak that often shocks people, but his friends always love hanging out with him bc of it. also why doesn’t he have Ino’s powers? let’s give him Ino’s powers too

Sand Kids 2.0. ok so at this point we haven’t seen nearly enough of them to say much either way but I have negative faith in kishi and ike so I’ll just say that I want them all to be Gaara’s adopted kids (since it’s still unclear if it’s just Shinki or all of ‘em atm) and I want them to be exactly like this shameless plug for me and @spellfire01‘s versions of them which are the best fucking versions and I will protect my children with my life

now some changes to the original cast (this is where I’m gonna get proper bitter, prepare yourselves):

OH NARUTO MY POOR CHILD WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU I’ve already talked about this but let me just reiterate in as eloquent a way as I can; Naruto would never become a neglectful father. N e v e r. not after the childhood he went through, no matter how much work he had to do as kage, don’t dare fucking try and tell me that Naruto – "It's almost unbearable, isn't it… the pain of being all alone. I know that feeling; I've been there, in that dark and lonely place, but now there are others, other people who mean a lot to me. I care more about them than I do myself, and I won't let anyone hurt them… They rescued me from my loneliness" – Uzumaki would EVER neglect his kids. just fucking don’t. in this version Nart is a doting and involved dad (perhaps a little too much, to the point that his kids find him kinda exhausting and have to ask him to leave them alone sometimes) who sends his clones to work at the office while he hangs out with his family.. I honestly don’t know why he doesn’t already do that

let all the girls out of their houses to do some ninja work for the love of god

poor put-upon Shino-sensei is alright.. but we’ve already had that with Iruka, I’d honestly much rather see the Cool Sensei who keeps all the kids in line without even doing much of anything and has a knack for inspiring them and always has a line of students trailing after him asking to hear more of his awesome ninja stories and everyone always trying to show off when he’s around, bc Shino is literally The Best

have Sauce and Saku be divorcees. seriously, are even the people who ship them happy with how their relationship has turned out? they barely see each other and apparently it’s been that way since chap 699, so why not just have them split up? it really wouldn’t change much, just say that, at some point after Sarada was born, they realised that they were both gay incompatible personality-wise and they were both so busy with their individual work that there wasn’t much of a relationship to lose. not only would this be good for both their characters (there’s no reason they couldn’t still be good friends) and just more sensible all-round, but it would also be a nice way to show that not every childhood romance/first love works out and that’s perfectly fine and normal and they can still live happy, full lives afterwards!

speaking of Sauce, let him spend at least a little bit of time interacting with his friends and family in Konoha, even if he’s still mostly travelling around on important missions he should at least be taking every opportunity to visit his daughter when he’s in the area, seriously, c’mon

Temari got done so dirty in that one episode.. here’re some much better words than I could ever muster but generally I’d want her to be less the ‘scary, overbearing, harsh’ mother and more the ‘strict but cool and sneaky’ mother, like she’d honestly be the type to use reverse psychology and gentle manipulation, she’d make her boy do some seemingly meaningless task that somehow makes him have an epiphany and come back to her when he’s done like “I know what I did wrong now and I’m sorry” than just shout at him and refuse to make dinner (also I just really like to hc that she’s a terrible cook so it’s Shikamaru who does all the cooking anyway)

it’d be really great to see Hina either being the new clan head or at least otherwise involved in Hyuuga clan politics, so we could actually see how she’s working to destroy that whole slavery thing they’ve got going, rather than that plotline just being dropped somewhere around the end of the chunin exam arc and never picked up again (I mean I assume that it’s all supposed to be fixed by now, but that’s not the kinda thing that should happen entirely off-screen) and so we can see her life revolving around something other than Nart and her kids, she’s remarkably capable and had so much potential but she’s been denied every opportunity to really exist as her own character by the writers

Kiba…… what the hell is going on with Kiba? where is he? what is he doing? how’s he feeling these days? is he supposed to be married to that nameless cat lady we saw for a single panel? these are things we shall never know I guess. tbh what I’d really LOVE to see would be Kiba-sensei, just imagine him and Shino both being teachers who work in completely opposite ways, Shino is the quiet, inspiring, lowkey scary one and Kiba is the gigantic fucking dork one who cheers his students on way too loud and makes the classes super fun and joins in the kids games, him and Shino have a class rivalry and Kiba is constantly roping students into joining his attempts to prank Shino (they’ve never once succeeded but oNE DAY)

Ino should be the next head of Konoha’s intelligence division, I will fight kishi on this one

why the actual fuck is oroch still happily living it up in his penthouse lab?? kill the fucker. or at the very least imprison the fucker. just say that Mitsuki was an old project of his that somehow kept developing in his absence, or was a product of research carried out by some lackeys’ years after he’s gone, anything that means I don’t have to accept that everyone has apparently forgiven him for everything and knows that he’s still experimenting on kids but just don’t care

and on that last note: Justice for Yamato 2k17

right now let’s get onto the actual plot/story for this very self-pandering au

make Sarada the main char. while I can see why they would choose to go with Boruto, honestly Salad’s more interesting a character and! A Girl!! Main Character!!!! I NEED IT!!!!!! focus on her goal to be hokage and her struggles with her parents and follow up on that ‘restoring the Uchiha’ plot thread that just.. dropped right off the map somewhere between 699 and 700, her reconciling what her clan was with what she wants to make it

get rid of that weird demon-sensing eye thing that’s going on. and the demon thing in general. and also that jarring post-apocalypse future thing they’re building up. I didn’t slog through over a decade of kishi’s bullshit just so my kids didn’t get to live long, happy lives. make the plot just slice-of-life fluff, nothing more dangerous than a bully, just some kids trying to be awesome ninja in a world that doesn’t really need ninja anymore bc peace and all that

waaay more of Chocho, Himawari and Inojin (at least enough so they all get equal billing)

show how the ninja world has grown and developed since the end of the original series (not just technologically), what do ninja do now that there aren’t any wars and international relationships are at an all-time high? have missions completely gone from being combat and intel based to more about construction and assistance? are ninja numbers actually dropping, favouring civilian jobs in these more peaceful times? how well are people – ninja or not – adjusting to these changes? is learning ninja techniques still encouraged but in a way that’s more about culture and traditions than actual use in combat (in the same way that swordplay today is mostly practiced for performance, fun and sport, rather than out of any real-life practicality)? there are so many interesting things to explore that you don’t even need to be adding in new threats to keep the series entertaining

I’ve said this before, but I think it’d be really cool and cute if after the end of the war and with some drastic changes to the ninja world’s politics, this next gen is less about becoming ninja, than realising that they’ll never be ninja (at least not in the way that their parents were) and how they react to that. maybe they’re frustrated because they hear so many cool stories about the grand battles of the previous generation and they want to be able to do those things too damnit! so the kids are just going around trying to be super-awesome ninja in a world that doesn’t really need ninja anymore, picking fights and trying to make their boring d-rank missions seem more important and dangerous than they really are, maybe at some point they learn a bit more about how hard and traumatising that life was for their parents and why the world had to change, until they eventually decide that if the role of a ninja has to change, then together they’re gonna discover what that new role will be, what will being a ninja really mean in this new, peaceful world?

and, a final ending note: fuck ike’s sickening treatment of Sarada with regards to her sexualised presentation and the disgusting reveal that someone taught Boruto (a young child!) the sexy jutsu. Let The Kids Be Kids 2k17