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slasherscream · 4 years ago

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just a small blurb but i can’t stop thinking about -

BILLY LOOMIS FT. A HILARIOUS READER

they don’t know how to act! no brain to mouth filter whatsoever. it’s the wild, wild west whenever they decide to move their lips.

imagine that reader with mister. stick up his ass billy loomis. can you GET what i’m laying down here?? the age old riddle of unstoppable force meets immovable object. whomst will win?

you may you run within the same general circle as billy and stu but you aren’t close to them or anything. you’re just so funny that everyone loves having you around. you could sit at any table during lunch and be greeted with smiles and eye-rolls, everyone already trying to guess what you’ll come up with next.

it’s easy to not get caught always watching you when almost everyone is doing the same thing. you draw the eyes of anyone who’s talked to you, even if just for a little while. your personality nothing short of infectious.

it drives billy a little crazy, actually. how you tell a little joke and he wants to look up and see the way the punchline shaped your mouth. how he hears your laugh in a crowd and has to stop himself from trying to find you so he can watch you be so caught up in being happy-

at one point he’d thought he wanted to kill you. he’d never focused on another person so much without wanting them dead, frankly.

but when he and stu were picking their next victim he bit down on his tongue to stop himself from saying your name. if he said it he’d follow through on it just to prove a point. so he didn’t say your name, and he admitted to himself that maybe he liked you a little. maybe even more than liked you.

he still can’t bring himself to do anything more than stand a little closer to you at a party, or catch your eye and not be the first one to look away.

stu is no idiot though and he’s billy’s guardian angel of “bro you’re capable of human emotions”. it just takes one time of billy slipping up while you’re around. you make a dumb joke, not even one of your hilarious ones and billy scoffs quietly but not the way he usually does when stu tells a joke that doesn’t land. it was soft and there was the hint of a smile as he turned away from watching you. a real smile, too.

now that stu is involved all bets are off. he loves to see bullshit play out!!! even more than that?? he wants to see his best friend HUMBLED by the human condition of pining and having to regularly interact with the Person You Are Pining For™.

so he “casually” tells you he’s never seen billy really laugh ( a lie. he’s seen everything billy has to offer, for better or worse ).

now billy has the full force of your comedic talent focused on him at all times!! because that’s so sad!! not even his best friend has seen him laugh? the person who he spends every minute with?? this is an emergency!!!

( stu thinks it’s kind of cute how easily you believed him. he thinks it’s cuter that you’ve decided it’s your life’s mission just to make billy laugh. some days you look like you found a hundred dollars laying in the street just because you get a smile out of him. he’s been the only one caring for billy for so long it guts him to see someone else finally do the same thing. and lord knows billy doesn’t make it easy- )

everyone needs a laugh!!! you are the laugh doctor! please hold still for this exam billy you are obviously sick and in need of healing.

suddenly billy has two shadows instead of one. one of his shadows follows him around like an overeager puppy ( and it’s overwhelming - after so long of watching you from afar - to suddenly have every ounce of your attention. it’s like walking through a blizzard for miles, never wanting anything more than to be back in your warm house. then you get there and open the door and you’re home but the warm air hits your face and it hurts. that’s what it’s like when you hang off his arm rambling like you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but with him even on the most mundane days. ) and the other shadow is looking oddly smug recently.

this all goes on for so long that you’re starting to get discouraged even as you also, incidentally, start bonding with him because of the sheer amount of time you spend following this man around for No Good Reason (according to him).

the boiling point of it all? the anniversary of his mother leaving.

you know his mother is gone, of course. and you might even know the reason why (it’s a small town and people will always talk) but you didn’t know the date. you don’t have it etched into your memory the way it’s been burned into billy’s.

stu has been walking on eggshells for weeks but you’ve ignored billy’s prickly mood, thinking he’s just getting into one of his funks.

in fact you doubled down on giving him attention. on teasing him. touching him. talking to him. staring at him. him. him. him. him. him -

as if you don’t have anything better to do or anywhere else to be.

the closer it gets to the day his mother up and left him without so much as a goodbye the more your constant presence starts to make him feel sick. you seem to be none the wiser as with each passing day the way his eyes settle on you gets more and more unhinged.

( stu is nearby, painfully unable to help either one of you. a helpless onlooker that’s praying billy doesn’t go over the edge and kill you, or worse - push you away. )

and you’re doing it because you care so much it hurts but billy is insecure, at his very core, and he loves you and maybe he’s loved you for so long it’s pathetic. and some part of him can’t believe that you actually care about him. that this is anything more than a game to you when every little fucking thing you do means everything to him.

it comes to a head when you invite yourself over the night of the anniversary. billy had seemed off the day before and you wanted to make sure he was okay or make him feel better if he wasn’t.

( the funny thing about being so caught up in how you feel about someone is that it’s easy to miss the way they feel about you. because you love billy. you love him when he’s ranting about the complexities of the horror genre. you love him when he’s moody. you love him when he’s happy but thinks it’s not cool to show it. you love him when the sky is black as night or when it’s the brightest blue it can be. billy’s obsessed with the way you fill up a room just by being you but you can’t get over the way he invades every part of who you are. you can’t remember who you were before you first looked into those eyes of his, overflowing with intensity, and thought ‘ game on, tough guy ‘ )

he opens the door, already having half a mind to kill the person who has the nerve to bother him today of all fucking days - and there you are.

and he snaps.

he snaps and he says every hurtful thing he can think of to say. because he wants to see how far you can take your stupid act. because he wants you to walk away so he can have a reason to kill you and get it over with. because he can’t love anyone again just so they can leave.

when he runs out of words to say the rage subsides and he sees you. he sees you the way he’s never seen you before. on the verge of tears. and now he wonders if the one thing worse than you leaving him is you leaving him because he hurt you.

but you push your way into his house, close the door and tell him that he’s a fucking asshole and that you’d beat the shit out of him if you didn’t love him so much.

he finally laughs. it’s a shock to the system. it’s explosive and messy, the way billy is whenever he lets himself feel anything. you don’t have time to commit it to memory before it turns bitter and verges on hysterical.

you’ll both always remember the way you rushed to wrap him into your arms and hold him close. the first moment when all the walls came crashing down. and even though you shouldn’t be, you were there waiting for him, ready to hold him together when he couldn’t do it for himself anymore.

you talk all through the night and you don’t laugh but you smile at each other, and even though the smiles are a little sad they mean so much. maybe all this time you were hoping that if you could just make him happy enough then he’d always be yours in a way that no one else could ever have him. it was so fitting of him - with his contrary personality - to decide to share the ache inside of him instead.

but you know this is so much more permanent and meaningful than his sweetest smile, or his brightest laugh. when he finally falls asleep in your arms, defenseless and vulnerable in so many ways, you feel like you could cry as the full weight of his trust sinks in.

you can share happiness with anyone. but sadness?? the kind that’s seeped into every part of you? the kind that feels like a rot in your bones? that burns at the back of your throat? that’s special.

and you do get to see him laugh the way you’ve always wanted to.

you wake up late the next day and he’s, dare you say it, almost shy when he first looks up at you, already trying to move away from the warmth and comfort you’re so readily willing to give him. and it’s so endearing to see billy in the aftermath of all his anger. you did that for him - gave him a different kind of relief that no amount of blood shed could substitute.

he tries to apologize, in his roundabout way, for either having human emotions in the first place or for burdening you with them. it’s hard to figure out since he’s so terrible at communication.

you shut him up by kissing him and for once he doesn’t have anything to say.

you kiss for a long time, the accumulation of months of wanting one another and ignoring it. and then you pull away to catch your breathe. as soon as you found it you tilt your forehead against his and look at him like he’s your whole world and it still makes him feel sick but now it’s in a good way. because now he can have you.

he thinks you’re going to tell him you love him again and this time he’ll say it back because you need to know. need to know that you’re everything. that nothing matters but you.

instead you say “it be like that sometimes” and the words hang in the air long enough that you start to regret them. until he starts to laugh. he wraps his arms around you and laughs so hard his shoulders shake. he presses his smile into your cheeks and says he can’t stand you.

but it sounds so much like an i love you that you don’t even need to hear him say it.

once he’s done laughing he says it anyway.

#billy loomis x reader #bet y'all weren't expecting angst in a reader story that's titled ft. hilarious reader :)))#im slowly getting back to writing confidence #covid really ZONKED my creative energy and then i got nervous about being out of practice #but then i realized ..... this is a family.....a family that wants to get brutally (redacted) by fictional murder machines #not to toot my own horn but if i said half the things that i think out loud?? billy would be down on one knee already #both to propose and because he got winded from laughing so hard #his laugh muscles are as weak as his hair is greasy #no editing or proofreading we die like fucking warriors #i either wrote everything down perfectly or god strikes me down for spelling errors

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spelviin · 4 years ago

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Ron killing Willy or Autumn killing Barry

ooooohhhh okay this one stumped me for a long time, but i do have an answer, and it’s absolutely gotta be Autumn killing Barry.

[under a cut bc i apparently had A Lot Of Feelings abt this]

because, ok. ron absolutely fucking deserves to kill willy, and willy absolutely deserves to get killed, but in terms of a satisfying narrative conclusion, i don’t think this scenario is right for ron.

bc like, at the end of the day, ron stampler is no killer. like, yes, he has killed in the forgotten reams when necessary (and when he wanted to try on gartok’s pretty bracelet,) but in general, he is not a killer. and that seems to be one of the many things that willy finds disappointing about him. like, the first actual, personal story we heard ron tell about his father was that he got pissed off when ron couldn’t gut a fish. willy resents so much that ron is not as cruel or ruthless as he is. willy was fucking killing cats in his school years and he sees the fact that ron wasn’t as weakness. you know willy wishes he had a son as fucked up and sadistic as he is, and it drives him crazy that ron is, by some miracle, as soft and kind and good as he ended up being.

so for ron to kill willy, i think, in a way, would be giving willy what he wants. he would die with the knowledge that his son is capable of being a killer, just like him, and i don’t want him to have that modicum of satisfaction, even in death. and please don’t take this as a “hero shouldn’t kill the villian bc then he’s just as bad” thing, bc honestly i’m sick of that trope. it’s more a “hero killing the villian would at some level make villain happy and he doesn’t fucking deserve to feel happy.” if that makes sense.

my personal best-case scenario for ron, is that he will realize that willy does not and has never loved him, understand that that piece of shit does not deserve the title of father, and that that understanding and choice will render willy completely powerless, sapped of daddy magic forever. existing in that weakened state is good enough, but existing in that helpless, powerless state because ron has empowered himself without changing himself is a much more rewarding resolution imo than one that makes ron kill somebody, even a miserable piece of shit like willy.

(even in this situation, though, i would fully want someone else to finish that fucker off, because even though i don’t necessarily want ron to do it, i do want him to die slowly and painfully)

on the other hand, for autumn, it’s like. well first of all, she’s already one hundo percent down to kill barry, and has been for literal years, and she should be able to be the one to fucking do it, bc fuck that guy fr. she’s also had to suffer under his bullshit for way longer than anyone else, and has been trapped in oakvale for god knows how long having to deal with his constant emotional abuse. that and that alone absolutely qualifies her to be the one who kills him.

but on a deeper level than that, i think it would also be a good chance for her to symbolically protect henry. because like, it’s clear that the whole dynamic between them is complicated af, but at the end of the day, as much as she may have loved henry and wanted to protect him from barry... the fact is, she didn’t really do that. she withdrew, and she distanced herself to protect herself - which is fully and absolutely understandable - but in the process she also distanced herself from her son, who needed her. and that’s something that has continued even up to their most recent encounter.

like, even in the interaction we saw, henry knows she is not going to protect him, as much as he might want her to. he keeps saying it, i think he says it like three times in that one scene, “i’m going to fix this. i’m going to make it better.” and that is a burden he never should have had to bear (no pun intended). but he is taking that on, because it’s clear no one else is going to.

and autumn encourages that. she puts that on him, she tells him that he has to kill barry, he has to put a stop to the fucking blood curse. and even though i empathize so much with her, that is just not fair. especially since, like... she knows her son. no matter how much he’s changed since he had to rebuild his life from the ground up, she has to know, at least on some level, what killing his father would do to him.

like, fucking hell. henry’s entire identity and sense of self have already been so fucking shattered in such a short time, having to kill his dad? even though he absolutely fucking deserves it, even though he’s an abusive piece of shit who has hurt and manipulated so many people, you know having to be the one to do it would fucking destroy henry. and i feel like autumn has to know that, at least a little bit, but she asked him to do it anyways, and it just breaks my fucking heart.

so like, essentially, a scenario in which henry is able to kill barry but is struggling with that choice and how it would impact him and the monster that he’s always feared and now knows for sure is part of him... and then ultimately being spared that choice bc autumn comes in from fucking downtown and ices her shithead husband in as painful a manner as possible? that would honestly work the best narratively for me, because

a) she already wants to do it

b) she fully deserves to do it, and

c) doing it would be a much-needed act of protection towards her son whomst has already been having a rough fucken day and doesn’t really need this cherry on top of the trauma sundae.

tl;dr - autumn could, should, and must kill barry

#Anonymous #og

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afterthelastreset · 5 years ago

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A Family

What exactly made up a family? Most would picture a small house with a picket fence, a mom and dad, and a little boy and girl running around. But truth is it's not always that simple. Family is beyond blood or marriage. It's who's always making you smile and there for you....Or in his case a smiling lunatic that wouldn't leave him alone for five minutes. It was hard to concentrate on the stack of paperwork when a floating purple imp kept staring at him over for is shoulder at him working nonstop. Turning his head, he gave the lunatic an irritated look to which he just smiled at. "You shouldn't, shouldn't be working this late. It's not healthy, healthy. The stress is bad you know-" "Well how doth thou thinkest I feeleth when mine privacy is invaded constantly!" The floating man shrugged and turned to lay on it's stomach. "Can you really blame me? After all this thing, thing was your idea." He groaned before turning back to the stack of papers. How much stuff did Lancer go through? "I amst not disabled...just...a bit more uncapable of doing certain things. *ahem*" He made a hum noise, the kind that sounded like he didn't really beleive him. "Oh!...G-Go stuff thine head in thy dirt with the other worms!!" He gave off another round of giggles and floated over to lean against his back as he continued to bend over the paperwork and write. "You're too stubborn, stubborn for you're own good. Relax, relax." "And exactly how amst I supposed to doth that when thou won't leaveth me alone for five minutes!!" He shot Jevil a look over his shoulder and the gremlin leaning against him shrugged. "This was all your idea, idea. Something about missing, missing the joys of children." "I thinkst I get it! Thou doesn't need to rubbeth it in." "I wasn't trying, trying to. Im only thinking of our youth, youth." Rouxls didn't answer this time and instead suddenly found the paper very interesting as he looked at it instead of Jevil. The Imp chuckled at the action and poked his shoulder a few times to get back his attention, but the worm was more stubborn when he wanted to be. After a few moments, the tapping at his shoulder stopped and he continued to refocus on the work in front of himself. With a sigh he dipped the weather back into the inkpot and refocused back onto his calligraphy. The jester remained oddly silent. Usually hed be clingy as a love struck rabbick, even more so as the news of the new arrival who would soon be joining their family of loons. Here's hoping the baby wouldn't be too much like Jevil or Seam. The two were overcrowding him enough as it was, sometimes literally ignoring their own jobs just to bud into whatever he was doing and get to him to qoute 'relax', but hed be lying if he didnt think it wasn't a sweet gesture. Considering he could sometimes go a bit far with his work....sometimes. A light russle of paper sounded out. A second later he could feel one of the papers under his hands begin to slowly move from under the pile- Said hand slapped down on the paper but it was quick to slip from in between his fingers and into the suspended air. It stalled a moment before zipping behind him out of his veiw. "HEY!" His head whipped to the side to the sight of Jevil sitting crosslegged in midair reading the containts of the paper with a raised brow. He reached a hand out as to grab the paper, but jevil just casually floated out of his reach. To be fair his reflexes weren't the fastest at the moment with the extra weight, and that frustrated him to no end. "Wouldst thou mindeth giving that backest?" "No wonder, wonder you're so cranky. So cranky. " He turned from the paper to him. "This tax, tax work makes no sense, sense." "Well someone has to do it. And Lancer tis nay capable of doing any sort of lawkeeping." He hummed before giving Rouxls a smile. "Why don't I give you a hand, hand?" To which Rouxls frowned. "What art thou spewing noweth?" "I can lighten, lighten the work load." He rose a brow. "THOU knows how to doeth taxes and thine law calligraphy?" He nodded. "And how doth thou knoest that?" "Taxes and politics are chaotic, chaotic. Of course, course I would understand it." Of course that would be his answer. With a sigh he looked back to the small stack of papers still on the desk, it wasnt too big. He could probably finish it himself within a few hours, but knowing Jevil, the loon wouldn't stop unless he agreed to let him help out someway or another. But if he screwed up any of this stuff, it would result in a bigger headache later. Was it worth the trouble- More papers flew up with a snap of Jevil's claws and the loon to glanced through the floating papers. He sighed and reached a hand up to rub his face. "Art thou sureth thou knows what you're doing?" "I CAN DO ANYTHING!" Rouxls groaned and rolled his eyes but didn't argue and went back down to what papers were left on the desk. Only to find that there wasn't any left. "Whomst thee-?" He looked back to the floating menace who was casually lounging on his back, similar to how one woulf in a hammock, humming away to himself. Paper after paper went in front of him, something scribbled down on each of them before flying off with a flick of his wrist. One after another. It took him a moment for his brain to realize what he meant by 'helping' was taking all the papers and just writing his name on them all. "And just what art thou doing to mine papers?! That tis forgery!" He attempted to reach for them but Jevil simply pushed his hand away without looking at him. "That's illegal and against thine rules!" "You and your boring, boring rules and laws. Trust me. When have I, I caused you wrong-" "Tis that a rhetorical question?" "Oh let me, me perform my duty." Rouxls sputtered but pouted and sat back in his desk chair. Jevil giggled at his win and continued to focus on the task at hand as the worm was still grumbling at his antics. But fighting against Jevil would just result in going no where. Especially in his current state. After a few minutes of just sitting there with the scratching of paper he groaned and looked back to him. "Art thou finished yet?", he asked irritated. "Almost, almost," he replied without even looking at him, "So impatient. Impatient." "Well what doth thou expect?!" He could feel his eye twitch. "Thou and Seam art driving mineself mad with thous' overbearing insistence on helping me and nay giving mineself space! Thou art treating me like a fragile flower!" For a moment the scribbling stopped and the wide grin of the imp slowly turned to him as Jevil turned his head and looked down at him with a raised brow. Rouxls inturn rose a brow back in confusion hen he didn't say anything. "A flower, flower you say?~ Hehe. Then you're saying Im helping, helping you bloom, bloom." The worm went quiet for a moment, Jevil giggled as his brain worked on the reversed logic thrown at him. And his face became bluer, and bluer as he sputtered and forced out something that sounded like, "I-Insolent worm!" Making Jevil go into another laughing fit at the angry blue worm. "You know you love me, me.~" "Well....T-Thou makest it v-very hard to do." "Good. Now hush up and relax, relax. Ill be helping, helping for a lllloooong while."

A mimi nosuit fic. I don’t own the characters.

#Jevil #Rouxls Kaard #Deltarune

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dcmvns · 5 years ago

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bill skarsgård. cismale. he/him. ／ damon stenström just pulled up blasting real life by the weeknd— that song is so them! you know, for a twenty-seven year old ceo, i’ve heard they’re really -narcissistic, but that they make up for it by being so +savvy. if i had to choose three things to describe them, i’d probably say a freshly-engraved solid gold desk plate, gaunt cheekbones and cold eyes, a tailor-fitted name brand suit worn only once. here’s to hoping they don’t cause too much trouble!

hello angels ! it me, lainie, coming @ u with another one of my babies about whomst u can find some backstory below and other such Necessary Info for plotting:

trigger warnings: death, suicide, murder mention, drug use

damon was born a first and only child in stockholm, sweden, to an extremely wealthy family, his father being the ceo of an internationally-successful energy supply company that had been taken over from his father. growing up, damon was always vaguely aware that he was supposed to be next in line when his father retired, but as a kid it never interested him much and not only was it rare to catch him asking his father questions about the business, it was more or less infrequent that they were caught spending time together at all. he was an independent and highly entitled child, soft only for his mother who spoiled him rotten.

he was 12 years old when the company expanded to north america and damon’s father decided to move them to manhattan. it was supposed to be the company’s new headquarters and on top of that, damon’s paternal uncle was already living there. and while his dad and his uncle got along decently well ( as far as anyone was aware, at least ), damon himself did not. it had always been bad blood ( the reason for which being damon’s birthright, though he didn’t figure this out until he was older ), but living in the same city now managed to exacerbate things. that on top of his tendency toward rebellion led to a highly unstable lifestyle. damon’s mother usually defended his adolescent outbursts and ceaselessly stood up for him even when it meant spending absurd amounts of money to cover up embarrassing stories from leaking to the press. damon spent his high school years partying, doing drugs, and finding his way from one bed to the next, and his family paid through the wallet.

suicide tw // it was at 19, however, that things changed. far sooner than he’d expected, his father pulled him aside one day to talk to him about the future of the company and damon’s role in it. distant they’d always been, but his father was adamant his son be the one to take over one day. it wasn’t this rare show of emotion, however, that won damon over–it was the idea of the alternative his father put in his head: namely, his uncle taking the reigns instead. the timing of all this certainly struck damon as odd but he couldn’t figure out why until a week later, when his father was found dead in his bedroom with a bullet in his head.

suicide tw // there was no note, and before damon could blink his uncle had pointed a convincing finger and he was being carted off to a cell on suspicion of murder. the fact that his father had just a week ago gotten him to decide he wanted to take over the family business didn’t look good, but after 72 hours he was released when it was officially ruled a suicide. there was no substantial evidence to make a case, yet that didn’t stop damon’s uncle from making his views on the subject perfectly clear. in spite of that and in spite of the public talk over whether or not he really had killed his father and gotten away with it now as head of the company, damon stepped into his position as ceo just before his 20th birthday.

he knew next to nothing and relied solely on his quick logic and ability to intimidate much older inferiors into taking him seriously to get through the first six months to a year, after which he truly began to settle into his job. behind the scenes he’s still prone to getting up to his rich kid bullshit, but he keeps a relatively squeaky clean image for the public.

he’s 27 now, so he’s been at it about 7 years and has a thoroughly tight grip on the reigns at this point. at least he thinks he does. there’s plenty of dirty dealings that keep the company running which hadn’t been in place when his father was in charge, but he’s successfully kept all of that a secret.

as far as his personality goes, he’s your typical detached, entitled trust fund baby handed the world on a silver platter as well as a job as ceo of a multinational company. he’s got a bit of a god complex but is more than capable of coming off as charming when he needs to be. has a little bit of a swedish accent, particularly when he’s worked up and yelling. uses and abuses his six foot five stature and resting death glare to get what he wants.

still wildly fucked up about his dad, but will not under any circumstances talk about it except to reiterate that he did not, in fact, kill him. is a 10000% mama’s boy but that’s……..not something he shows the public either yeugdhusjs

if he was FORCED to put a label on his sexuality it would be pansexual but he rly hates the idea of putting something like that in a box. he just........sleeps with whoever catches his eye BUT he’s also careful about not letting any of his Escapades become public so he’s also relatively choosy about it unless he’s whacked out of his mind on drugs

i literally edited this and it’s still a rambly mess but i’ll tell u what!!!!!!!! it is what it is and im washing my hands of this come hmu if u wanna plot or like this and i will appear in ur dms at some point !!! also plot ideas below

wanted connections

someone with whom he’s done DIRTY DEALINGS for his company!!!! could be someone else who runs a company or just someone who might have had something he needed (eg connections)

the above but with the added Spice of blackmail

one or two people he’s actually close with!!!!

a pr relationship / any kind of pr stuff tbh he’s always trying to do things that’ll help his image given how shaky it’s always been bc of the way he started out

an ex or two who definitely ended on bad terms, either him breaking up with them bc he’s him and got bored or they broke up w him bc he’s......him ateyrgjdhsa

endless hookups and one night stands and endless possibilities for angst

people he’s hardcore led on who probably despise him now

SOMEONE who’s like a little brother/sister to him??? that he’s very protective over and soft for and like....they’re one of the only people who can talk sense into him when he’s being Too Insane

please just all kinds of enemies he’s so Cold it’s so easy to hate him

uhhhHHHHH people who remember the scandal about his dad and think he’s guilty !!!

#excessintro #me? writing a coherent intro? its less likely than u think #smoking tw #for thee gif

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faunusrights · 6 years ago

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‘AFTER THE FALL’ - LIVEREAD III

The more I hear about the latter half of this book, the more depresso espresso I’m drinking. Let’s see how it goes, huh?

(Since there’s more chapters in the latter half than the first half, short chapters will probably get combined together for the sake of. I’m lazy.)

CHAPTERS EIGHT AND NINE

I love that Velvet’s the one who enlisted Weiss and Yang, expecting shit to go sideways. She saw these two gays on main and went ‘they look like they can party’. Was she wrong? No. Did she invite Cinder for the express purpose of drama? Yes. Can you make me stop shipping Sinnamon Bun? Also no.

Okay, this book has read my mine though!!! Ruby pitches a Beacon Battle Club where they play music as they fight, and no word of a fucking lie, that happens in Great Weiss Shark AU! I am not kidding! I had this whole story planned out! This is theft of the HIGHEST order.

“Doilies are absurd and elitist,” Yang said.

This is simultaneously the least Yang-like line and also the most Yang-like line I’ve ever heard. The duality of idiot, I suppose.

I like Fox! I really do, actually! He’s my son now. Although, the bad news is I dunno if I can replicate him in The Frapp Logs, so he’ll just have to keep dragging Coco to the ends of the earth. Same thing, right? R-right?

“Leaders can’t be the comic relief.” Fox raised his eyebrows. “Jaune.”

Is this the second time Jaune’s been dragged? I’m living for it. Also, sleepy Blake! And CFVY knowing she’s (they’re) a Faunus! And the second book behind a book! I love you, Blake.

Velvet correcting Yatsu’s ‘catnap’ joke! I wrote a ficlet about this exact thing once, so I TOLD you my Velvet’s NEARLY CANON. SHE JUST NEEDS TO EAT MORE PROTEIN IS ALL.

Onto chapter nine. God, these chapters get thinner by the second, huh?

BACK TO THE DESERT WE GO, and there’s... fog? Which is now gone! Wow! Is this a plot device? Foreshadowing? I sure hope so, because why on earth it would warrant a mention we’re just not too sure!

A sandstorm is incoming and hidden tracks are gonna get blasted away. I’m trying to figure out if this is all pathetic fallacy or if I’m reading too much into handy-dandy plot devices. Why not both?

Heart-to-heart with Coco and Yatsu... and we’re back to Yatsu giving Velvet all the hugs. Now that I’m sensing the Velv/Yats vibes, I’m extra suspicious. You stop that. Let Velvet have a fashionable GF at least if you won’t let her kiss Weiss!!!

‘[...] even the women were down to halter tops. Focus, Coco, she thought.’

Ah, lesbian as always. I’m soothed. Carmine enters the tent and Coco gets even gayer. I’m very soothed.

‘What was Jaune doing after losing a member of his team, a friend... someone he clearly cared about.’

I don’t care about what Jaune feels. Why the heck would Coco even care? There’s literally so many more people that impacts than just Jaune, lawd.

CHAPTER TEN AND ELEVEN

Back to Fox, who is honestly the shining star of this book by now. I love you, my blind and sassy son.

I love Ada and the battle mechanic she has! I’m really enjoying how Fox interacts with the world around him and using his Scroll and AI as an accessibility device. It’s neat! I didn’t expect them to go as ham on him as they did, but they did.

“Update,” Ada said. “Weapon has projectile capabilities.” “You mean it’s also a gun.”

Obligatory gun meme.

Combat stuff happens, Fox wins a fight against a confused Edward, and it turns out Gus is the one summoning Grimm and Fox just got jumped, so we slide into another flashback for chapter eleven. Lemme tell ya, this book ain’t afraid of moving fast.

“I guess you slightly oversold your ability to track the survivors,” Coco said.

Again, this is one of those lines that reads as very... callous? Kinda mean? I’ve always had Coco in my head as someone who very broadly puts her team (and their feelings) first, even if it’s rough, so lines like this make me go 🤔

Velvet falls, Yatsu panics, Coco gets up in everyone’s grill. There’s a lot to this dynamic I am not enjoying right now, and even then this seems inconsistent with the CFVY we’ve seen in the book itself. I know the author’s trying to communicate that Coco is tired and frustrated, that I get, but I’m pretty sure this isn’t how... it would really happen given her character? I dunno. ‘S weird.

Was that a fat joke I spotted there? From Coco? I need a nap. Also COCO LET VELVET DO THINGS JESUS CHRIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK ME SIDEWAYS!!!!!!!!!!

Coco has claustrophobia! I wrote her as having agoraphobia, so this is a hilarious turn of events. Also Coco has two brothers, not one: Mate and Toma.

Coco is fighting Grimm in a cave with CFVY, but still finds time to criticise Velvet in combat. Hey, maybe if you let her do things, she’d prove you wrong, dingus. And then she does! See!

Aaaaaaaand the six survivors are all dead. This was a pretty traumatic event, all told, which makes it weird that they look... less affected in the show? Still, this chapter was VERY weird for the characterisations because Coco seems especially inconsistent, alas. Anyway, onto:

CHAPTERS TWELVE AND THIRTEEN

The sandstorm is approaching and catching the wagons, which I have just realised are actually vehicles that use fuel. Mostly because that’s the First I Heard Of It.

‘Velvet noticed a pistol tucked in the back before she closed the door.’

Hi, can Chekhov please pick up his gun from aisle twelve? Thanks.

GIANT SAND TURTLE. AVATAR AANG C’MERE Y’ALL GOTTA LEARN HOW TO DEFEAT THE FIRELORD.

“You said it’s big enough to ride on?” Velvet asked.

Maybe this is why Coco dismisses Velvet so often. She only pitches the craziest ideas, which is why I love her. That said, Coco finally lets Velvet do something! It’s a miracle of man! Climb that turtle, bihh!

Yatsu calls Velvet V. I’m so used to Velv that V sounds entirely too cool for this idiot.

Everyone’s pissed again, but-- IS THAT THE SAND WORM THING FROM ARRAKIS?! What A Tweest!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nobody coulda seen THAT coming!!!!!

So let’s go to chapter thirteen, where Fox has had the shit beaten out of him behind a Denny’s. Sound about right.

So what’s-his-name-- Bertilak, whomst from now on shall be called Bert because what sorta water tribe name even is that (wow the ATLA references are on fire today). Anyway, Bert is being paid by someone else to deliver people with Stronk Semblances like summoning Grimm! Gee I Wonder Who That Might Be (I don’t actually know but I’m honestly not going to be surprised either way).

“Yeah, [Bert]’s a real bastard.” “Even I can see that,” Fox sent.

I love it. Fox really has been the highlight of this book for me.

Fox is on the ground and the referee is counting him to ten, so it’s mid-chapter-flashback time! We learn how Fox’s parents died (sinkhole) and how that became his motivation for... going to Beacon? Okay, tenuous link at best, but I’m going with it.

Carmine is full of trouble and Fox is determined to take Bert with ‘em. Let him DIE.

I’m gonna keep going since we’re not four chapters from the end, so:

CHAPTERS FOURTEEN AND FIFTEEN

Flashback time! Again! Only it’s CFVY’s POV of their return to Beacon. I wouldn’t mind this if like. We hadn’t already seen this from RWBY’s perspective in the show? People know this from my tastes in fanfic, but I’m not a huge fan of retellings of canon events, it’s soooooo boooooring. So I’m just gonna grind through this asap.

(I do like that RWBY and CFVY have all these parallels being called to. As they should.)

Okay we’re past the recap and OH LAWD I HEARD OF THIS BIT. Goodwitch is here (I love u Glynda no matter what) but yeah, I’ve heard this part is Big Oof so uh, let’s see this happen go down. Velvet is being requested to see Ozpin so /buckles down.

Velvet’s being questioned alone for the Whole Thing, and team CFVY have burst into the office demanding to know why, and Velvet’s a crying wreck! I’m still very >:I for everyone being overprotective of Velvet, c’mon, but also: Oz, can you please have tact? Just once in your life? Tact? Do you has it?

Anyway, CFVY have reconciled and we turn to chapter fifteen, in which: Yatsu.

Carmine has Gus, everyone’s on the Turtmobile, and shit’s hitting the fan. Yatsu’s going after Gus and Carmine alone, and I’m still waiting on Chekov’s Gun to Chekov its way right into someone’s butt. Unless it’s Chekov’s Red Herring.

Here comes a fight scene! I never have much to say during fight scenes, so, uh, yeah. There’s some real last-minute exposition in places, though, where it really shouldn’t be.

Eey, Carmine is telekinetic! Very powerful and also OP, gotta nerf that shit right down, Edward.

Yatsu’s very nearly defeated, Bert is back, baby, and shit’s getting real. Time for chaaaaaaaaaper sixteeeeeeeeeen.

CHAPTERS SIXTEEN AND SEVENTEEN

Today’s livereading soundtrack is Simple Things by Zero 7. The whole album, I mean. This is a fun little fact to make sure you’re still awake and aware, ‘cause I sure ain’t!

Roy Stallion of BRNZ is presumed dead, along with the whole team, so big RIP to May, who was cute and deserved better. Swear to God if ABRN are dead too I will kill a man. Two men, to be specific.

Velvet admits she never wanted to come to Vacuo, Coco promises they’ll return to reclaim Beacon in future. This reads like a protagonist’s last speech on hope and strength in friendship... and it should, as Coco gets swallowed by a worm! Straight up just down the hatch! This should be a tragic beat, but this is honestly so funny. Coco, pick better ways to die.

Anyway, we’re onto chapter seventeen. I was very kindly given this message:

And I-- OH HELL YES! HELL YES IT’S A SCHOOL DAY TIMETABLE!!!!!!!!!! THE LORE! THE CLASSES! THE NAMES! THE FACTS! THIS IS THE BEST THING IN THE ENTIRE BOOK SO FAR WHICH REALLY GOES TO SHOW I HAVE NO HOBBIES!

Is this a... flashback? Flash... forward? I’m not sure, actually. Either way, CFVY are in Beacon clearing the place of Grimm. Actually, this must be a flashback to before they went to Vacuo, I suppose, which would make sense to follow Velvet’s little admittance last chapter before Coco got swallowed like a paracetamol tablet.

Velvet waited for someone to ask her what she thought, what she wanted, by no one did.

Now I’m SAD why won’t people be NICE to VELVET just ONCE!!! God, this book really just gives her the short end of the stick every time.

Off go CFVY to Vacuo. Bye.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN AND EPILOGUE

Heremst we go.

Coco’s alive! I mean, no surprise. And full of the Joques as ever:

Coco figured sacrificing your life for a teammate was one way to be remembered as a good leader, but maybe that was just cheating.

RIP Coco and her claustrophobia! Hey, now that was good foreshadowing! That gets a whole Murphy Cookie of Approval. 🍪

Coco loses her Scroll and her hat, but Velvet swoops in to save the day! Meanwhile, Bert has been convinced that Carmine double-crossed him, so they’re battling it out! Basically, Gus cast frenzy. Finally, it works in everyone’s favour.

“I can’t believe I thought you were cute,” Coco spat.

Some lines in this book haven’t been very good. This one, on the other hand, very much is.

So Carmine goes underground and starts creating sinkholes everywhere like a weird desert gremlin, and Edward manages to block her Semblance and like. Carmine flat-out nearly suffocates herself to death. Another death I would have found both gruesome and hilarious for its irony. But Velvet uses Flynt’s trumpet to quite literally doot the sand away, and-- I’m so sorry, this line has me literally laughing to myself. She fuckin’-- doots the sand. Oh my god.

Anyway they win, catch up with Slate and the Nomad Fam, and meet team SSSN! The boys are back in town!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Things are looking good.

Epilogue time. I’m still laughing about the sand-dooting.

So, we don’t know who paid Bert and Carmine, I guess? I do believe there’s maybe a sequel or something in the works, apparently, so maybe this is part of an overarching plot type thingie. Still.

Ah, yep, Coco confirms that they’re not through with this line of investigation yet, But, Velvet wraps it up with a heart-felt, if not a little bit cheesy, segment about home being wherever CFVY is, and so the book comes to a close.

WRAP-UP

So, I’m definitely gonna have a second read-through of this without having to constantly stop and do a liveblog, but the book was... okay, I guess? I feel like this plotline wasn’t the greatest one for CFVY, and that the author doesn’t have a crazy good handle on the characters -- he’s likely more suited to original content, which is valid. It’s a good romp and we do get new lore, but as expected, I feel like CFVY would be best used in the show that conceived them in the first place. A book is nice, but I’d love to see their return in RWBY itself, especially since this book wasn’t really... long enough, I don’t think? Seriously, y’all’ve met me. I do write hundreds of thousands of words in this world and I still haven’t written everything I wanna yet! I’d also like to see more Velvet as seen in RWBY Chibi, in which was she Cool and Good, and maybe less Yatsu alongside her directly. But! It’s a book! It’s decent! It’s CFVY! For most people, it’s Good Enough. And they’re valid too.

#after the fall #after the fall spoilers #rwby #liveblog #liveread

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dcmvnsarchive · 6 years ago

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.･:*:･ﾟ’ twenty-seven year old cismale damon stenström was made in the upper east side and attended st. jude’s. he still resides in new york, and is currently the ceo of an international energy-supply company. they are a freshly-engraved solid gold desk plate, gaunt cheekbones and cold eyes, a tailor-fitted name brand suit worn only once. onlookers say they resemble bill skarsgård. ( nev, 21+, she/her, cst. )

hello angels ! it me, nev, coming @ u with another one of my babies whomst is actually a brand new muse so bear w me while i’m getting the feel for him. however!! below u can find some backstory and other such Necessary Info for plotting:

trigger warnings: death, suicide, murder mention, drug use

damon was born a first and only child in stockholm, sweden, to an extremely wealthy family, his father being the ceo of an internationally-successful energy-supplying company that had been taken over from his father. growing up, damon was always vaguely aware that he was supposed to be next in line when his father retired, but as a kid it never interested him much and not only was it rare to catch him asking his father questions about the business, it was more or less infrequent that they were caught spending time together at all. he was an independent and highly entitled child, soft only for his mother who spoiled him rotten.

he was 12 years old when the company expanded to north america and damon’s father decided to move them to manhattan. it was supposed to be the company’s new headquarters and on top of that, damon’s paternal uncle was already living there. and while his dad and his uncle got along decently well ( as far as anyone was aware ), damon himself did not. it had always been bad blood ( the reason for which being damon’s birthright, though he didn’t figure this out until he was older ), but living in the same city now managed to exacerbate things. that on top of his tendency toward rebellion led to a highly unstable lifestyle. damon’s mother usually defended his adolescent outbursts and ceaselessly stood up for him even when it meant spending absurd amounts of money to cover up embarrassing stories from leaking into the papers. damon spent his high school years at st. jude partying, doing drugs, and finding his way from one bed to the next, and his family paid through the wallet.

it was at 19, however, that things changed. far sooner than he’d expected, his father pulled him aside one day to talk to him about the future of the company and damon’s role in it. distant they’d always been, but his father was adamant his son be the one to take over one day. it wasn’t this rare show of emotion, however, that won damon over--it was the idea of the alternative his father put in his head: namely, his uncle taking the reigns instead. the timing of all this didn’t strike damon as odd until a week later, when his father was found dead in his bedroom with a bullet in his head.

there was no note, and before damon could blink his uncle had pointed a convincing finger and he was being carted off to a cell on suspicion of murder. the fact that his father had just a week ago gotten him to decide he wanted to take over the family business didn’t look good, but after 72 hours he was released when it was officially ruled a suicide. there was no substantial evidence to make a case, yet that didn’t stop damon’s uncle from making his views on the subject perfectly clear. in spite of that and in spite of the public talk over whether or not he really had killed his father and gotten away with it now as head of the company, damon stepped into his position as ceo just before his 20th birthday.

as far as his personality goes, he’s your typical detached, entitled trust fund baby handed the world on a silver platter as well as a job as ceo of a multinational company. he’s got a bit of a god complex but is more than capable of coming off as charming when he needs to be. has the TEENIEST little bit of a swedish accent sometimes, particularly when he’s worked up and yelling. uses and abuses his six foot five stature and resting bitch face to get what he wants.

still wildly fucked up about his dad, but will not under any circumstances talk about it except to reiterate that he did not, in fact, kill him. is a 10000% mama’s boy but that’s........not something he shows the public either yeugdhusjs

this is a MESS i am TIRED genuinely this could not have been more rambly and horrible but i’ll tell u what!!!!!!!! it is what it is and im washing my hands of this come hmu if u wanna plot or like this and i will appear in ur dms at some point !!!

#xointro #im.............less than pleased w myself #😪😪#but u should come love me anyway !!

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unofficialmarvel · 7 years ago

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There’s a lot in civil war that I’d like to talk about now that I’m watching it again:

“Can you move your seat up?”

“No.”

they behave like little boys when their mom isn’t around jesus

The exact moment sam and Bucky become Peter’s brothers in when they’re laying there after he’s webbed them up

The look on bucky’s face when peter stops his arm like ?!?!??!? this little blue and red RAT stopped MY ARM???? WHOMST—

Spiderman being thrown out the window by Sam’s little robot lmfaooo

Bucky’s “you couldn’t do that earlier?”

Tony getting so fiercely, genuinely angry because Steve wouldn’t come with him

Steve not being able to look Tony in the eyes

STEVE DROPPING A TANK OR WHAETEVER ON PETER PARALLELING AN ENTIRE BUILDING BEING DROPPED ON HIM LATER

The genuine fear on Tony’s face as Scott messed around with his suit. That was terrifying even for me because he was so deeply afraid... that’s the one thing that can protect him. I bet that’s partly why he made the nanotech, so nobody can get on the inside anymore

Vision coming in clutch for t’challa and splitting that shit in half like uh.... split me in half too papi

“Give me back my rhodey”

“WAY TO GO TIC-TAC”

Peter riding in on rhodey to tie Scott up

TCHALLA TAKING BOMB ARROWS TO THE FACE

“We’re still friends, right?”

“You were pulling your punches.”

Wanda generally being baass and capable

SPIDERMAN VS ANTMAN WHO WILL WIN YOU DECIDE

Hint it’s spiderman

Like Wanda is just incredible here

NATASHA OH YEAH

“I don’t know, I didn’t carbon date him”

Peter’s pop culture references begin

Ironhusbands helping their boy knock Scott the fuck out

The genuine fear AGAIN on Tony’s face when he sees peter just laying there

Steve “I’m the good guy” rogers, leaving a fucking heavy ass tank or whatever on peter, and even if he knew that the kid was strong and capable it’s clearly fucking heavy and he could have been crushed

the completely paralyzed look on rhodey’s face as he falls out of the sky. there is absolutely NOTHING in his eyes.

once the shock is over he’s sweating and scared and then—

“RHODES!”

I don’t know what’s worse, tony looking so fucking angry and devastated like the entire world has been shaken under his feet, like something he’s built has been made to fall apart that there’s no fixing, or tony looking like Steve stole his heart out of his chest.

“I don’t know if I’m worth all this, Steve”

The fact that Bucky has never gotten a chance to just stop fighting

He knows what he did wasn’t him except it was his hands. It was always his hands, his body, stained with their blood

Tony’s so angry at vision and vision is so disappointed in himself

Tony looking at Natasha needing her support but also knowing she let them go

“are you incapable of letting go of your ego for one goddamn second?”

“I don’t know, I’ve been picturing a red head.”

“You must be thinking of someone else.”

Tony, clearly thinking of Pepper: “Yeah. Must be.”

When tony figures out he was wrong the entire time

We always forget Natasha knows Bucky too

The dawning realization on Tony’s face when he sees broussard’s dead body

Wanda in the cell. It’s just like where she began

“The futurist! The futurist is here!”

Tony is always being blamed for doing the right thing over and over and over again

Steve could do anything he wanted and as long as he said he said it was what he thought was right because tony is always the villain

“who are you?” ICONIC KING

Zemo deserves worse than jail, actually, but I’m damn well glad he’s forgotten.

I couldn’t imagine how tony must half felt discovering who really killed his parents. Like, he trusted him. Maybe not as much as he should have but that was Steve’s friend and so he was trustworthy by virtue, even if he was brainwashed and highly unstable. and Steve defended him through it all, beat the shit out of him and bucky tried to rip his fucking reactor out his fucking chest

But sure, Steve is the hero here.

He’s the victim of circumstance.

He’s sticking up for his poor best friend, who’s been hurt by hydra time and time again

Step in line, damn it.

The smile falling off bucky’s face when Steve claps him on the shoulder and says they’re 100 years old

Steve very obviously attempting to reassure Bucky when they get to the facility

Steve would crawl on his hands and knees to the end of the earth for Bucky

But tony steps one step in the opposite direction and hellfire sprouts where he stands

God damn it. How did t’challa even get there

He’s a sneaky bitch tbfh

The fact that zemo pretty much came up with this plan in like a year is... astonishing. and he got what he wanted, I think, which was to tear the avengers apart forever.

Bucky not looking at the tape by god

I’m almost positive Howard died instantly when he punched him because he immediately looked lifeless

HE SURE WAITED A WHILE TO SHOOT OUT THAT CAMERA

and why did he CHOKE OUT TONYS MOM

“did you know?”

“I didn’t know it was him.”

“Don’t bullshit me Rogers, did you know?”

“Yes.”

Tony is fucking over it at this point. I’m convinced he was pulling punches in the airport but now he was genuinely ready to kill both of them. Or at least main them

Cap winding that thing around Tony’s neck and his cry when he fell

“Do you even remember them?”

“I remember all of them.”

which I think is false honestly there’s no way he could possibly remember them all

Tony fought so valiantly but there’s honestly no way he could possibly have beat either of them

We could see killmonger in Zemo in the way t’challa talks him down. T’challa probably regrets so much about killmonger. If he could talk zemo down, why not erik

It probably took so much for him to let go. It would have been easy to kill him there or let zemo kill himself

“He’s my friend” “So was I” is honestly so fucking iconic

STEVE IS ALWAYS THE GOOD GUY HUH BUT HE STUCK THAT FUCKING SHIELD IN HIS CHEST

Both Steve and Bucky tried to kill him

BUT STEVE IS THE GOOD GUY, HUH

STEVE IS NEVER FUCKING WRONG

Honestly? Fuck Steve

That shield doesn’t belong to him and he doesn’t deserve it, doesn’t deserve any iteration of it

He’s just as bad as the rest

Never forget ross antagonized his prisoners

So he’s not some cute, clueless coloniza either

Rhodey and tony trying really hard to pretend everything’s okay

The letter juxtaposed with everybody in the compound feels so amazingly cheap to me. wooo, let’s make steve the hero... again. as he commits a crime. and makes himself out to be the good guy.

I have conflicting feelings about Steve, but at least he looked hot in the last scene

#long post #captain america civil war #this is why i cant ship stony #Because of that scene

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danisnotofire · 7 years ago

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Do you have any advice for writing? I used to do it all the time but then I just didnt have time for it anymore. And now I want to get back into it and I keep trying to write, but Im hit with this overwhelming doubt/anxiety that it sucks. And I dont plan on posting my writing anywhere so I dont understand why Im so nervous about writing to the point where I want to cry and cant do it. And I really want to work through it but its just so difficult. Any advice? -🌳

i’m not sure how good i’ll be at giving advice on this, because i often feel the same way!!!

but ig that leads me to my first point, anon, and that is, you have to understand that that anxious feeling never really goes away. sometimes you feel better about it, sure, and sometimes you’ll write something and know you were meant to write it, but 98.7% of the time you will be screaming and crying into ur document and thinking you’ve been a failure and faking any ability to write this whole time. you have to understand that that’s all part of it. but you have to understand: it doesn’t mean you’re a bad writer. i really think you have to internalize that if u ever wanna write anything.

the best thing to get over feeling awkward and robotic is to separate yourself from what you’re writing. when i got back into writing fic (it’d been like, legit 4 years lmaooo) it was hard to put myself aside and stop feeling weird about writing it. i felt that same stiffness/awkwardness when i started journaling too. the best thing you can do for it is just understand that nobody is going to read it unless you want them to. it’s not going anywhere. the only person who’s gonna judge it is you.

once you get over that, write as much as fucking possible. it doesn’t need to be a lot. it can be a sentence. it can be a few hundred words. it can be a fuckin novel. just write something. the only reason i’m VAGUELY good is because i’ve been doing it for a longass time.

i’ve been writing creatively on and off since like,,, third grade. i’m now a sophomore in college. you just gotta churn out as much content as possible. i promise you, eventually it will be good.

if you can, i think writing classes are actually super helpful for this. i used to kind of shun them and look down on them because i thought somebody teaching me how to write would take away my own style. it actually helped me refine it, mostly because it got me into writing again after going so long without it. i was forced to write every week for a whole semester, and it kind of became a habit that i continued all through the summer.

fun fact: i don’t think no such mirrors would exist in the form it does now if i hadn’t taken that class!!

BUT: I get that classes aren’t always available to you. there are definitely ways u can get urself in that habit!!! you can do nanowrimo (which i did my freshman and sophomore years of high school, where you write 50k in 30 days just to pretty much see if you can. i CANNOT recommend nanowrimo enough. up until no such mirrors, that was my proudest artistic accomplishment)

FIND TIME TO WRITE WHENEVER, WHEREVER YOU CAN. you are going to have to sacrifice certain things to find time to write, but that’s all part of it. i struggled in doing this when i started school this semester because i went from having mostly my entire week free to having like, zero time to write, which is why it took a month for no such mirrors to update. it also sucked because writing makes me feel better about myself, because it helps me be a more productive member of society or something, and so, although it was hard, it became super important to me to find a time to fit that back into my schedule (i ended up carving out a few hours after my last class of the day on MWF, which happened to be my english class with a prof whomst i ADORE, so i always left feeling super inspired. and now i usually go to the silent floor of the library for a few hours and pound out a few thousand words. it’s not ideal, and ofc i’d rather be taking a nap or decompressing from class, but at least it’s something!)

i know this is harder to do, but i really do think posting your work helps!! i love writing fic because you get INSTANTANEOUS feedback on your skills, and it helps you develop them in a (largely) positive and supportive atmosphere. the people who are reading fic are the people who WANT to like it, who are just desperate for any content they can get. it’s such a good space to learn and grow as a writer (i started writing and posting fic when i was like, 12 years old. my percy jackson days. pre-tumblr. lmao #neverforget)

i know this is SUPER FUCKING CHEESY, but another thing that helps you become a better writer is to read as much as possible. read anything. read fanfiction from authors you admire. read YA novels. read children’s books. read the classics.

and then, (and this is something i will shamelessly do lol), pick your favorites, and try and mimic their style as an exercise!!! i recently read james joyce’s “a portrait of the artist as a young man” for class. it’s now one of my favorite books. and so what i did was go to google docs and pound out a few hundred words just trying to mimic the style. it ended up being a weird 1500-word-wip. most of it is garbage, but i wrote lines i’m really fucking proud of.

obviously don’t like, plagiarize. but what i’ve come to understand is that you can learn something from everything you read. whether it’s a certain type of metaphor, or a kind of characterization, or the art of simplicity, or a way of writing dialogue, or a stylistic thing. and by mimicking that style as a writing exercise or using their style as inspiration for your own work, you help refine what you like, and what your style is.

i will never be james joyce. that’s pretty obvious. but my version of james joyce is its own style of writing altogether, and it’s not necessarily bad! it’s its own style that i can then learn bits and pieces from later on. to me, writing is this weird ungodly mix of natural ability/learned style and compiling what you like about other authors into your own work. it’s a messy process, but eventually you will churn out something you like. and that’s what matters: producing content that you enjoy. everything else will come in time. (did i think anybody would read engagement sequence? uh, no. i hoped they would, and honestly i do wish that fic was recognized more than it was (bc any author who says they don’t care about feedback is LYING) but mostly i was writing it because i had SO MUCH FUN writing that fic. i’m probably most proud of that piece of writing out of everything i’ve ever written. it came from me combining poetry and prose into this weird pseudo mix of both)

another thing that’s easier said than done: DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHER AUTHORS. this is something i CONSTANTLY struggle with (to the point where i get SUPER down on myself if i’m not getting the same amount of anons asking about my work or comments or kudos or fuckin’ whatever). it’s something i CONSTANTLY have to work on, but it’s so so important, and the sooner you start working away from this habit the better off you’ll be.

if anything, USE these authors as people to learn from!! ask them questions about their process!! read their works and take note of what worked really well and how they executed it, so maybe you can incorporate that into things that you write later on.

IMPORTANT: COMMENT ON WORKS. COMMENTING ON WORKS DOESN’T ONLY BENEFIT THE AUTHOR, BUT IT ALSO BENEFITS YOU AS A WRITER. commenting helps you specify and work out EXACTLY what you liked about a certain piece. even if you don’t think it does anything, it actually puts words to specific things that you like, which then helps you incorporate it into your own writing. also?? long, thoughtful comments make an author’s fuckin DAY. someone once left like an 8 paragraph review on my fic, and i could. not. stop. rereading. it. for the better part of a week. TRULY.

take yourself less seriously. honestly. as much as it kind of sucks, writing is supposed to be fun and ultimately, it’s supposed to be rewarding. let yourself experiment with style and dialogue and characterization. who fucking cares? i wrote 300 words about spaghetti steam as a metaphor for jeremy’s parents’ divorce the other day. it doesn’t matter! nobody will read it!! that’s what editing is for.

it also might help to talk about your writing process!! i know i love doing this, and i see loads of other authors do it too. it’s so, so, so fun to complain about writing, because writing is really fucking hard. even the pieces that come easiest to me are still a pain in the ass to write. 99.99% of the time i write, i would rather be doing something, anything else. who wants to sit and cry into a computer screen? nobody in their right mind. ya do it because you love it, and you love the final product and you love seeing what you’re able to do, what you’re capable of creating.

if you’re having trouble starting, pick literally the first thing that comes to mind and write as much or as little as you fuckin’ want. remember, you’re in control! you can do as much or as little as you want. when i started writing no such mirrors, i had NO IDEA it was gonna become what it was. i started the fic with jeremy throwing a baseball up in the air and some random dialogue. i didn’t know what role everybody else was gonna play. i didn’t know it was gonna turn into an actual fucking novel. i had no idea! i just had the idea of jeremy laying on his back and tossing a baseball into the air repeatedly. why? i legitimately could not tell you! but it worked. it felt right and natural and easy, and here we are 72k later.

that being said, IT’S NOT ALWAYS GOING TO FEEL RIGHT AND NATURAL AND EASY! you’re just gonna have to write through that! it’s gonna fucking suck a lot of the time, especially with longer works! i fucking hate certain chunks of no such mirrors, to the point where i can’t even bear to look at them.

this leads into another point, which is….

you’re going to feel like you’re faking it. that’s okay. keep writing. i doubt in my abilities every. goddamn. day. i reread my fics probably daily and can’t understand why anybody would like them, half the time. i feel like the characters’ interactions are forced and awkward and unnatural, i think the dialogue is boring, i think their feelings don’t feel real and i don’t feel like their motivations have depth. i feel like the plot is hanging on with masking tape and thread. every author will feel this way at some point or another. i know that sounds fake, because i’ll read posts like that from my favorite authors and can’t believe they would write anything except perfection. so you have to remember, it’s in your head most of the time.

however, that’s not to say you’re perfect. you aren’t. there’s no such thing as a perfect writer. sometimes it’s healthy to listen to that voice in your head to try and improve. you just can’t let it become the loudest part of your writing process.

so yeah! those are my writing tips!! that was a lot and im really sorry if it was all cliche and cheesy bullshit, but i promise they work, or at least help a little bit!!

i hope you can get out of ur slump, because i love writing so much and hope i never stop doing it (even if i say i hate it l o l) and i really hope you can get to the point where you feel comfortable saying the same

#writing advice #writing tips #writing #Anonymous #I'M SO SORRY TO MOBILE USERS #long post //

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stuprosu · 6 years ago

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september 23rd, 2018 12:08 AM

in my last entry, i said that i would not type up another until i had confronted my mother.

well. over a year later, and here we are. my mother has been confronted, but not by me. i would like to attempt to do an overview of my life the past year.

a warning. i am in emotional states all the time. if my thoughts dwell on my family members that i miss or events that enrage me, i bring myself to tears within seconds and my head aches and i cannot focus much these days. my depression is at its height but by some fucking miracle i didn’t relapse. i didn’t. i also didn’t have the means as the box cutter disappeared.

i will try to remember the details. i found out recently that untreated mental illness literally erodes away your physical brain and memory. so. forgive me.

[aug 2017] my birthday passes by with a quiet birthday. we had taken my brother down to his school in hollister. my mom came with us and everybody was uncomfortable. my mother made a scene, asking my father if it was okay to eat the food that came with our air b&b. she was pathetic. i ignored her and shut her out this entire time. the brakes went out in my dad’s yukon. what would have been a fun trip is now spent fixing the yukon and sweating in the car. this trip marks the end of the close relationship i had with my brother for nearly all my life. we’re still close but i see him every three months for a few days at most. this wears on my soul and brings me to tears now. i miss him so god damn much, all the time. anyways. mom moves to atchison. toby goes back and forth each week despite his desire to live with my dad all the time. my mom doesn’t care, doesn’t get a job, can still to this day never pay for anything, such as gas or food for her own son, and constantly pawns my brother off on my father. my littlest brother is 13, now 14, and is still subject to all that.

[sept 2017] i move into the dorms pretty much by myself. i think my dad brought up my minifridge, but it was sophomore year and no big deal. no one else really said anything, no one else being my extended family. i expect their silence constantly and nothing else except for when it’s “important”. you know, christmas, birthdays, baby showers, all that sort of bullshit. anyways, i start classes and i actually make a ton of new friends in my biology and chemistry classes. amanda, maggie, dev, trent, carter, mackenzie, aaron, all the katies. through them? ameen, meg, brendan, kady. it’s really wonderful. i have a good community. classes are fine. i go home for toby’s homecoming. mom has become the master narcissistic manipulator that she is and is trying to warp everybody’s image of my father and me. she does so within the small, close-minded community we’re from. friends of my family, people i’ve known for years, people i haven’t had conversations with for years, block me on facebook, on all social media. it’s really awful. at homecoming, my mother carpools with us while spouting all that bullshit on facebook and actively shitalking my father. i know that homecoming is going to be fighting between my mother and father. we don’t even make the 10 minute drive to the school before they start in. they begin yelling. oh, i forgot to mention. i told my father about the men my mother had been sexting on facebook with the help of my sister. so my dad knows. he brought those men up. my mom laughs hysterically asks my dad how he knew. he doesn’t respond. my mom asks why my father isn’t stepping up and giving her gas and food money like he should. i ask her why she doesn’t get a job if she’s able to walk 12 miles a day like her facebook posts say she can? my mom scoffs and says, “so you’ve got her on your side too, huh? telling her lies?” this pisses me off as i’m 19 years old at this point, fully capable of thinking, and tell my mom this. i tell her she doesn’t have her family anymore. she tells me thanks and walks away. my mother asks my father to walk with her later on. i tell my sister and cousins the deep gossip. they send their condolences. it’s petty thinking back on it.

[oct 2017] nothing much happens. i get along fine with my roommate. classes are fine. mom is spouting shit and i just get angrier and angrier. she walks over everybody. all my mom’s family isn’t talking to her. my sister and i bond over the salt.

[nov 2017] pretty much the same. my cousin has the first grandbaby. she’s cute and i love her and her name is kyah. my cousin salts with me. no one lets my mom know of the baby’s birth until a facebook post a few hours later. pisses my mom off. haha. i think it was around november that a leak sprung up in my room and i was moved. the girl i moved in with is named erin. she’s incredibly rad and understands me pretty deeply. both equal parts oversharing and similar past experiences and we became very important to each other very quickly. i’m also still angry and emotionally distraught all the time and erin helped. she genuinely makes me laugh and was a pillar of support. she knew intricate details better than marissa does. she is easier to talk to than marissa. isn’t that wild?

[dec 2017] garryck comes for christmas. i am still working. i do good in classes. i have a crush on my friend carter in my chemistry class but nothing happened with that and i’m at the point where i just appreciate the aesthetic and his personality yknow. anyways. we have christmas with my mom’s family but don’t invite my mom. shitty, yeah? who the fuck cares. i am able to tell erin about all this in full detail. i have never been so fully understood by another person outside of my family. it’s really incredible.

[jan 2018] nothing really happens. normal month, normal me, whomst this. nah, i’m still angry all the fucking time. every little thing sets me off. it all stems from my mother and what she is still actively doing, besmirching my father and i. it’s awful awful awful shit.

[feb 2018] something of importance happens. those first few months, i was always able to rely on my mom’s side of the family to vent and shit and i still am, but not with my sister. my sister got pregnant in december and february was when the prospect of having a child really got to her. and she didn’t want to do it alone. she didn’t want to do it without my mom. so my sister really, really pressured me into making up with my mom, to sweep everything away, to rewire my brain and change my chemical makeup and forget all my god fucking awful memories and somehow muster up the strength to speak to my mother without wanting to deck her. it doesn’t work. the kid won’t bring us together. spoiler: he doesn’t. my sister stops talking to me. she is easily manipulated. she beings believing the shit my mom says about my dad, her stepfather. it’s all shit.

i think this went down in february. my memory is foggy. erin meets my friends and there’s awkwardness. erin occasionally makes me uncomfortable. she made them uncomfortable. i have to talk to her all the time. i have to compose myself all the time and be around her all the time and. and i dont think i could take it. i’m a really awful person, you know? i have been this past year. anger and malice has been eating away at me for so long and i am so tired. so... i switched rooms without telling erin why. she asked and asked and pestered and insulted until i finally laid it out. she apologized. she said she would change. she said she didn’t realize. she said she was sorry and sorry and sorry. i left her on read for six months. i ignored her in between classes and at meals. i became a real fucking asshole. i cut off one of my closest friends.

[march 2018] the shit with toby goes down. i won’t bother logging it here. buchanan county courthouse already has. but it puts a strain on things. mom wants to move back to kansas kansas. like the shawnee mission area. dad does too. dad wants to leave rushville and missouri. they begin arguing about schools. mom wants wellsville, a hick town of hick people and hick classes and hick education, the worst. my dad wants a normal functioning school where toby can be a normal non-hick. so does literally everyone, even my mom’s friends. my dad gets laid off. he is struggling to make ends meet.

[april 2018] my dad begins talk to me about rehoming my dogs and our cats. the thought really fucking tears at my heart. he wants to leave rushville so bad and go back to his friends and his life before my mom, before everything went to shit for him. i could not imagine being my father and living in that house all completely by myself. the house that held my family of 5 people, two dogs, three cats, birds, fish, loud, furniture everywhere, home everywhere, music everywhere. his family. everywhere. and that house without my brothers and me and mom became a husk. a ghost of his life when it was bad but it was full and it was full of life and it was full of his children and their voices and their music and god do i fucking miss it so fucking much i miss that so fucking much and i can’t spend my nights alone without thinking about things used to be and i miss everything so much i miss everyone so much. i was so afraid of my father killing himself after being laid off and facing massive amounts of debt that he called his father, whom he hadn’t spoken to in nineteen years, for help, only to be met with silence. he didn’t though. he had three children who loved him so fucking much and relied on him for everything and everything was him and he was everything and is everything to me and there’s no one on this godforsaken planet that i love more than my father. while untreated, my life would end with his. i think he knew that. i was so afraid of my mother killing herself because that would be completely and totally my fault but how could i prevent that? i need to turn off the smiths right now.

i need to breathe. i need to ground myself. i need to remember it is going to be okay. april was okay. nothing happened major.

[may 2018] nothing happens here. school ends. dad has been hanging out with his friends, one of them being amy and her family. oh, my mom through all of this has been disagreeing to settlements and therefore heavily delaying the actual divorce and has been doing that since sept 2017. my parents didn’t get officially divorced until aug 2018. that’s how much of a cunt she is. my dad’s two greatest friends are amy and marilee. they’re really really really wonderful women who help my dad and help me and family and i don’t know them that well but they’d do anything for my brothers and me. they’re true friends, good kind souls that fill this world. amy is also going through a divorce. my dad and her bond over that. but they don’t see each other. they don’t date, despite my mom’s best efforts to convince the world they’ve been having a 12 year long affair and amy’s youngest is actually my dad’s. oh well, haha. my mom’s a dumb petty bitch. anyways. we go to amy’s mom’s lakehouse and have a really good time swimming in the water. garryck comes up from school for a few weeks and brings his friends and it’s all a really wonderful time and we spend weekends out there and amy’s mom nancy is a wonderful woman and everything is great.

[june 2018] summer is still great. i work all the time. i move into an apartment in saint joseph with my friends kady and ashleigh. everything is good. we split it. jyro moves with me. everything is really great and nice. the summer is nice. i don’t hear much above my mom. living on my own, it was like. yknow. The Milestone. The last one that separated me from my adolescence. i see my dad about every two weeks on the weekends i don’t work. it is a good routine and it really really messes with me if i don’t see them at least every two weeks. i can see the damage to my mental state. it gets the worst right before i go and visit them, when it’s been the longest. i just love sitting and chatting with my papa. i feel like it makes me whole, complete, recharged and energized. i love him so much. the summer is bliss. the summer is great. i pay rent and become and adult and bills and everything is good.

[july 2018] my mother moves to wellsville and moves in with a guy down there, so the dumb bitch loses her alimony lmaooo. however this means there is now an hour and something odd drive between my mother and father’s house, where toby must be transported. my mother can’t even afford her phone bill, so there’s no way she can afford the gas for this. of course, my father transports him, because he’s working odd jobs constantly and stressed about not being able to find a job and i get that second hand anxiety because i want him to be okay and i want to live an easy life without stress and he can’t do that with my leeching mother. breathes. anyways. she moves toby down there without telling him that doesn’t go well and that pisses me off royally and everything is rough for a few moments. i don’t ever talk to my mom. i block her on facebook. i think my sister’s baby shower is this month. i spend the days prior with my aunts and cousins helping set up. i was also sick and pretty useless. anyways, we salt about my mom because she’s not communicated about shit and everyone is upset with her and not talking to her so i’m just drinking the tea at this point in time. baby shower is fine, sister is exasperated with lack of a relationship with my mom, the thing goes fine, whatever. nothing really else happens in july. i bought my dad a hat for his birthday.

[august 2018] wooooooooooo birthday month. also a really awful month. my brother went back to school. my dad rehomed both my dogs to new homes, but at least they’re together. that was really really really really really rough and i miss those pups so fucking much and i am so angry at the situation at everything at everything at everything i miss my dogs. i had to rehome my ferrets. i did that by myself. a rescue in liberty took them. i miss those fuckers so much. but they’re in a better place. my dad also rehomed our two other cats. i did not get to say goodbye. i don’t know where they went and i can’t visit them like i can the dogs. it really really gets to me sometimes, thinking i was so important in their lives and now i’m gone. i got a card from work for my birthday. marissa and ashleigh took me out to dinner. some cards and a bunch of facebook posts. school starts back up. i see my old college friends that i genuinely miss. i see erin in one of my classes and i realize how much i miss her, but she looks at me with so much resentment. i fucked up so bad. but i missed her and i needed. well i wanted our friendship back. it wouldn’t be the same, no, but god do i need all the help i can get traversing my fucked up life. so i sent her this long ass message, explaining myself, my mistakes, why i fucked up, why i was so immature, why i was a total asshole for no reason. she took me back and i am so happy. our friendship is so good again. i love having her back and i think about the good things in my life like that a lot. toby started at wellsville, much to everyone’s chagrin. my sister has her baby. his name is bentley. he is very cute and i love him. my sister does not talk to me or my dad as much. i think she is slowly cutting us away. i try not to think about it.

[sept 2018] my dad did get a new job and apartment actually in august but i’ve already typed this and ya bitch lazy. hence all the rehoming. he gets health insurance october first. i am so ready to go to the doctor again and get my thyroid and my depression treated. i don’t remember a lot of things from my childhood anymore and it is scaring me and i think my depression is causing it. though i am not a doctor. this boy sam is talking to me and goes to my uni but we haven’t met in person, though i think he likes me. i am not sure.

life is okay right now. i am sitting in my dad’s apartment waiting for him to get off work at 2am. i have been watching rick and morty and shitty teenage romcoms all day. i am really exhausted right now but i’m waiting for him. i hope things get better for me. they’re okay right now. i am going to see the national october 7th. i saw modest mouse back in may. that was really fantastic. i don’t have to retake chemistry 120. i have my cat. my monstera has new growth. halloween is soon. there are a lot of good things right now. i just heard matt’s “hey baby” in nobody else will be there. what else do i need right now?

hopefully i’m treated soon and will keep up with this better

xox lex

#journal #tenth post #september 23rd #2018

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afterthelastreset · 5 years ago

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A Family

#Jevil #Rouxls Kaard #Deltarune

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