#as a typically masc enby and bisexual

[olderthannetfic]

https://olderthannetfic.tumblr.com/post/735066906548191232/calling-mf-relationships-straight-anon-i-would#notes

You know it would have been 100% more helpful if you'd just added the link, because like this I had to use tumblrs dreadful search function to figure out which parts you were specifically refering/answering to. /post/734652801973616640/what-word-should-i-use-biphobic-heteronormative#notes Now I'm gonna write unreasonably long response, so skip if you don't wanna read, bc I'm currently running on energy drinks and bad decisions.

1 It might surprise you but I can and do both. I in fact tell a lot of people not to assume a couple is heterosexual or homosexual just because of how they "appear." I can do both lol.

2 If they can get married or not has absolutely nothing to do with my issue as such. I'm really confused why you even bring this up since my focus was on how M/F relationships are treated in queer spaces, and how people always default to straight or gay, instead of just not doing that since queer is more than just "straight" or "gay". Maybe it was because I mentioned not liking the way straight passing/straight passing privilege is used? But that still is a different layer of the issue I have with the term itself and how it's applied in queer spaces to treat non-homo queer identities. I do think the term has its valid uses, but there's a difference between "you can't be queer if you're in a M/F relationship, because even though you're queer that privilege means you shouldn't enter queer (safe) spaces" and "SPP is when you don't need to fear from the Government or bigots for being out with your opposite gender partner." Though that doesn't take into consideration what happens if a M/F couple might not fit the typical cis normative and heteronormative gender roles. A feminine man, and/or a masc woman in a relationship can still experience open queerphobia. A lot of people do not acknowledge that even straight passing privilege isn't as cut and dry and "M/F", but comes also with the need to uphold a certain type of gender conforming role in society. Anyway, I'm objecting to the use specifically of "straight" as a way to other bisexual, and other non-straight relationships and how it's actively used to push M/F couples or M/F presenting relationships out of queer spaces, even when one or both people are queer. This includes relationships with trans, enbies, and other queer identities. Because it happens and it's not rare that even the queer community has tried to erase or push out bisexuals, and other non-monosexual queer identities. 3 My question more along the lines: Why the need to "gender" a relationship to begin with? As in why do you need to label a relationship as straight or gay just by looking at someone? Especially by queer people. Why is it ok to use that "binary" in queer spaces to exclude queer people because they're on the "wrong" side of the binary? A binary, hetero or homo, they don't even belong to? How often do you actually need to label someone else's relationship? We know the gender binary is bullshit, but people in queer spaces still decide to uphold certain binaries in so many aspects, and then judge you based on the binary they uphold, instead of you actual identity. It always seems to be much more acceptable to other and mess around with the identities of bisexuals and pansexuals, or other identities that fall outside the monosexual binary of homo and hetero, or the even the gender binary of male and female presenting.

Add-on: I also see bisexual relationships be labelled gay and it becoming a big thing in queer fandoms to erase their bisexuality, or of course pansexual character, even when one or both characters are bi, and then they get claimed under just the homosexual label, aka "Lesbians" or "Gay." This happened with Korrasami, Bubbline, and recently Lumity, even though each of these relationships has at least 1 bisexual character. I still see fandom wank about these relationships and how people are "erasing" lesbians when they state that the bisexual character is in fact bisexual, or how people label them under the lesbian identity for both. This happens with males as well, but it's more visible with female presenting relationships and characters. And obviously on the other end, when queer characters get labelled as straight, and then suddenly their actual queer sexuality doesn't count and they get treated as bad rep, or as not-valid because they aren't performing queerness on the right side of the monosexual binary. An example from recent times was Owl Houses HunterxWillow, where even though Hunter is bi and Willow is said to be pan, people disregarded their queerness because it was an implied M/F relationship sp people started wank about it being a "straight relationship" and doesn't count. Obviously there are more instances, but Owl house is more recent in my memory and this is long enough.

Ps: I don't care what you label your own relationship. I'm speaking in general terms, and I do not decide or speak for each individual bisexual, or pansexual or w/e. I'm speaking on my observations on how the label "straight" has been used to treat bisexuals and pansexuals as less valid or even completely erase their identity the moment they enter a M/F presenting relationship.

Pps: The first post was just a tired vent, and more of a throwaway thing. Not sure what this is, but I'll try avoid the energy drinks for now.

--

[kate-les-bridge-stewart]

I've been thinking of osgate again (it seems they've become my best coping method as I navigate the incomprehensible nightmare that is American health insurance) so here's some random thoughts I have.

Osgood is a breaking bad superfan and has been since it came out

Kate never saw it until osgood and her started dating and osgood convinced her (with much difficulty) to just watch the first episode with her once.

It was all downhill (or uphill for osgood) from there

(I'll try to keep the breaking bad posting to a minimum and this post spoiler free 😅)

So I hc kate is bisexual with a preference for women but, she fell in love with gus fring the moment she saw him

Osgood had to listen to kate go on an unhinged rant about how hot Gustavo is

"His voice! His bloody accent Os! The subtle roll of his tongue! His eyes!"

And don't even get me started when she saw him in a t-shirt for the first time

She damn near had a stroke

As for how osgood feels about this, I think they're both perfectly fine with each other expressing attraction to other people

They don't have an open relationship per se, but they aren't exclusive either

In Kate's experience, strictly exclusive relationships where attraction is very limited is typically a breeding ground for jealousy and eventual boredom

So she and osgood agreed to keep things open and fresh but also have an open dialogue if either of them ever feels discontent

Of course they still love each other, they're madly in love

But they understand that sometimes they will need some space away from each other in order to keep their relationship fresh, alive, and strong

Also they both just love looking at hot people and talking about how hot they are lol

As for osgood, she's gender nonconforming (any pronouns) and identifies as sapphic/lesbian, though she occasionally has attraction to enbies

Now that I'm thinking of gender labels, time for me to go all mogai nerd on you all hehe

For the sake of fun I'm gonna go into even more detail about osgoods gender. I think she'd identify as nebularian and/or stellunarian

Both of those labels are under the galactian umbrella, a nonbinary gender alignment system for enby people who want to use label(s) that describe much more specified and complex gender identities/feelings

As for her sexuality, I think she'd use the labels of sapphic/lesbian but also trixic (enby attraction to fem people/femininity)

Now Kate's gender identity is much simpler lol, she just identifies as a woman (she/her) (though whether or not she's cis is up to you to decide ;) )

Now about their relationship, I think kate is kinda futch. She likes having a bit of masc/androgynous flare like wearing more masculine perfumes or sometimes suits

Being a woman in a position of power means she's had to work her ass off to get people (mainly gross rich old men) to respect her and recognize her authority, and one way she managed to do that was to dress just slightly more masculine, wearing shorter heels or just flats, wearing pants over skirts, shirts, ties, and jackets that resemble men's suits, stuff like that.

Of course she still prefers to present feminine in many ways as that makes her most comfortable, but she also likes the added touch of subtle masculinity

Osgoods gender expression is just a mystery and she likes keeping it that way

There are times where kate likes to lean more masculine/butch

One particular date they went to a club where that nights theme was knights, princesses and princes

Kate went straight for the role of a knight, dressing up all masc and pulling every chivalrous cliche in the book

She kissed osgoods hand, bowed to her, held open every door for her, the whole nine yards

Osgood was dressed as a sorta prince/princess and she was blushing the whole night

UGH now I need to draw them like that

[dreamelies]

Happy Pride Month, fellow gays! Here are some Brühl characters LGBTQ+ headcanons

Warning: nsfw mentions, internalized biphobia, a little sad at the Niki part but picks up, brief mention of binding that’s likely unsafe,

Note: Yes, all of this is me projecting. Let’s go

Helmut Zemo (he/they)

-Had affairs with women and men before meeting the first love of his life, his wife.

-His sexuality is not really something that haunts him or that he represses. If asked, he’ll mention it, if not, he doesn’t see a reason to, but he’s not embarrassed at all.

-After the destruction of Sokovia, the trauma he went through, and considering his power and influence, he doesn’t really see a point in wasting his mental energy keeping such a secret.

-“Sokovians are not… so picky in their choice of lovers. I believe men must not limit their wide scope of available experiences and betray or shy away from their desires only to conform to what is wrongfully deemed ‘natural’, particularly in your puritan american lense. We are too used to seeing polar opposites in the attraction models of western societies. I merely find beauty in the amalgamation of both sides. Now, please, hand me that cup of tea.”

-Most people either assume it or don’t know it, he’s never been one to boast about his former encounters (of any gender)

-They’re a ”I fall in love with a mind, not a gender” type of bisexual

Niki Lauda (he/him)

-He always felt that there was something different about him, but he just thought he was a weird person. A serious person.

-He probably didn’t even realize he liked men until he met a man he hated so much, he wanted to fuck him.

-Even then, he rationalized it as a need to be “the stronger male”, whatever that meant.

-When he finally came to terms with it, though, he didn’t sweat it as much as he thought he would. He just needed to keep it a secret.

-Yes, he didn’t usually care about what people thought of him, however, it was the 70s and he was a racecar driver. He was sure it would affect his career.

-“In your job they respect you but I go out there and have to prove that I am a man. My career, my life, my fame, I have them because I am man enough  to do everything I do... you hear? If I go out there, and it is known, what will they think of my rivalry with Hunt? I cannot do it. Not now. Nicht jetzt”

-Explores his bisexuality mostly through sex, because of a fear of falling in love with a man (internalized biphobia)

-After his crash and after James dies, he thinks he’s wasted his life hiding such a big part of himself. That’s one of his few regrets.

-”Even if they had wanted me dead, I should have said it”

-After his divorce, he meets a man and they start writing letters to each other. Sure, he’s old, but “why not? i’ll give it a shot”

-”This is too gay, even for me” type of bisexual

Alex Kerner (they/he)

-The reason they’re so good lying to their mother, is because they spent the first years of their life doing so. But, when they became a teenager, they couldn’t really hide it anymore, so they told Ariane first.

-When he came out to his mom she didn’t really understand but, out of respect, started calling him by his chosen name, Alex, and referring to them as “Mein Kind” (my child).

-When she really got it was when she found him binding. After explaining what they were doing, she simply asked “Does it hurt?” “Ja” “And you still do it?” “Ja” “Oh, my son”. She held Alex, as both teared up. That was the first time she called them her son, and the first time she saw them as one. In between her motherly top of the head kisses and hugs and tears, she kept saying “Mein Alex, mein lieber Sohn.” (My Alex, my dear son).

-”Ariane, bring me my scissors, we’re giving Alex a haircut” It was a disaster, his mother had cropped out a picture as a reference. Not out of a fashion magazine, or something that wasn’t 20 years out of date, but a soviet poster depicting a man holding a book while leading the workers. She got a hold of the scissors and started cutting. Ariane teased him for days, but he was happy. He was finally happy.

-”3 monster energys in a row” type of transmasc

Andrea (they/them)

-they/them are their primary pronouns because they think it would be hard to keep track, due to their gender fluidity

-they love music because when they play, the world goes away and they get lost in the sound as it becomes their new body. a body with no bounds or signifiers, just an ethereal representation of melodious beauty.

-the water is important to them because it is... fuid. It changes, it flows, it goes in many different directions. 

-”the inherent eroticism of the sea” type of non-binary

-They don’t see who they are as a bad thing, nor keep it a secret. They’re too joyful about the world. which, of course, includes themself. They don’t have the language to explain who they are, but they know. They know, and they celebrate themself. They have pride.

[mlmay-event]

✨NBLM participant announcement! (Please read)✨

Hi again, all! I wanted to clarify and reword a few things from our previous posts. The mods have unfortunately seen a lot of nonbinary people feeling unwelcomed, or excluded In this event. This really saddens me, as I (mod Jay) myself am nonbinary! I believe in previous posts I've been rather vague about who can participate, and that's on me. I never wanted to imply any sort of gatekeeping of who is and is not "MLM enough", that is your own personal choice to make.

There have also been a few people I've seen uncomfortable or confused with my wording that "you must lean masculine at least some of the time". As this event is focused on homosexuality and men in the community, we would be uncomfertable with say, cis girls or demigirls for example joining. I was trying to discourage that. however, I was mistaken on what the term meant and it led some to believe that only masculine men could join.

So let me clarify right now: NBLM are ABSOLUTELY welcome in this event! This includes enbies who are not masc leaning in presentation, enbies who do not have typically "manly" traits or hobbies, enbies who identify with many labels, and enbies who are not always male; or are more fluid (such as bigender and genderfluid people). Also, ALL MLM men are COMPLETELY welcome in this event! This includes feminine men, GNC men, men who are not strictly "gay" (such as bisexuals and pansexuals), ace men, trans men who cannot pass or do not want to pass, etc!

If you feel you are not "masc enough" to join, we are reassuring you that YOU ARE! And I'm sorry we ever implied that you weren't. We want you here, we want you participating! And we want you to show your pride and identity, too.

All that we ask is that participants in some way identify with maleness or the MLM label (and of course abide with our DNI's). That is all.

[outforhealth]

QT Says: Real or Not Real?

There's a lot of great sex ed out there in the world—and also a lot of misinformation and commonly deployed notions that just aren't true. Let's run through a few common ones:

There are many kinds of attraction.

Real: There are many different ways to be attracted to people! This can broadly be described as "orientation." The phrase you're probably used to hearing is sexual orientation, which, you guessed it, describes whatever gender(s) you're attracted to sexually—but there's also a whole host of other ways attraction exists. 

Who you're attracted to romantically and emotionally might overlap with, but not be the same as, the kind of people you're sexually attracted to—and who you're socially attracted to may be another thing entirely. Which is how someone can be a bisexual person who only dates women and femmes because that's where their romantic and emotional attraction overlaps with who they're sexually attracted to, but they almost exclusively hang out with masc-of-center people, because that's who they strike up friendships with most easily.

Not real: "Preferences" along the lines of the unfortunately typical "no fats, no femmes, no asians" are not forms of innate attraction. They are outgrowths of having absorbed and internalized fatphobia, homophobia and racism. That's not an orientation, but bias against one or more groups of people.

"Biological sex" describes two clear-cut categories in which one can easily file people.

Real: Most everyone is assigned a sex at birth, yes. More on that from Planned Parenthood Federation:

Medical factors, including your hormones, chromosomes, and genitals. Most people are assigned male or female, and this is what’s put on their birth certificates.

Not real: Sex isn't binary, either. From PPFA again:

When someone’s sexual and reproductive anatomy doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male, they may be described as intersex.

Some people call the sex we’re assigned at birth “biological sex.” But this term doesn’t fully capture the complex biological, anatomical, and chromosomal variations that can occur. Having only two options (male or female) might not describe what’s going on inside a person’s body.

Instead of saying “biological sex,” some people use the phrase “assigned male at birth” or “assigned female at birth.” This acknowledges that someone (often a doctor) is making a decision for someone else. The assignment of a biological sex may or may not align with what’s going on with a person’s body, how they feel, or how they identify.  

We couldn't have said it better ourselves. Sex, also, doesn't exist on a binary—and you can't tell just by looking at someone what they have going on hormonally, chromosomally or within their reproductive system.

Nonbinary identities are some hip new thing all the kids are trying on these days.

Real: Nonbinary people are fabulous, sure. And more people than ever are coming out as queer and trans, so it may seem like there are more enby folks around recently than there have been in the past.

Not real: Nonbinary identities aren't new, and they're not just something disaffected suburban teens came up with sometime during the second Obama administration. Nonbinary genders have existed in many cultures throughout human history—looking at everything as "male" or "female" hasn't always been the default way of looking at things, and there's no reason to perpetuate that myth.

I'm queer, so I don't have to worry about becoming pregnant, or about getting anyone else pregnant.

Real: Here's a breakdown of how pregnancy happens. If you're not having sex in a way that could *possibly* result in a sperm and an egg meeting up and forming an embryo, than yes, you are currently Exempt From Pregnancy.

Not real: Did you know queer youth are actually *more* likely than their non-queer peers to become pregnant or to cause a pregnancy? There are a variety of reasons for that—click the link to learn more—but your identity doesn't automatically mean you can't become pregnant or cause someone else to become pregnant. And friends who are on HRT, that goes for you, too—hormonal transition is not birth control, and it doesn't necessarily mean you can't become pregnant or co-author a pregnancy.

We're not outlining myths to dunk on anyone or make anyone feel foolish for misunderstanding something—we all have more to learn, and we can exercise our agency best when we have all the facts. Here's a jumping off-point to get started.