#art following my rant cause I’ve been thinking about em

[peachie5000]

Abyssposting

[dancingazaleas]

bertholdt hoover | mc donald’s

HELPLPPPP i love he 🥺 i love he so much

sorry if this was trash :-(( i was rlly sleepy when i wrote this. pls enjoy

warnings/notes: cursing, modern au, highschool au, bertholdt, reiner, marcel, and reader are seniors, porco is a junior, reader is marcel’s twin, bert is ambidextrous (my headcanon), hard pining, bert’s a music prodigy, female reader

when you meet him, it was at your house on a friday night.

porco and marcel had decided to have their obnoxious and messy friend group over at the house while your parents were away for the weekend doing god knows what.

you were just annoyed that your mom said their friends could come over.

it wasn’t that they were inheritaly bad people, it was just that they were overly loud and, somehow, always forgot to pick up their shit before they left. you’d always get your ass chewed out by your mom for it too.

you also hated going downstairs whenever they were there. if marcel or porco caught even a glimpse of you, they would pester you to play a round of super smash bros and wii sports with them and the group. whenever the two of them started to pester, usually reiner would join in until you would cave. reiner was annoying when it game to game nights.

so, you sat upstairs in your room trying to go to sleep and drown out their laughter and yelling, but you couldn’t. they were too fucking loud.

you texted both porco and marcel angrily, telling them ‘shut your fucking mouths i cant fucking sleep’. you concluded that they were too distracted to notice your texts when they continued to yell and laugh. you scoffed and decided that you’d just try to scroll through social media and rant to ymir over text.

30 minutes had passed and the group downstairs showed no signs of quieting down and you were starting to get hungry. so with a sigh, you made your way downstairs towards your kitchen with the intention of finding pizza flavored goldfish in mind.

you were glad you weren’t noticed when you passed by the living room, that meant no pizza flavored goldfish. you opened the door to the pantry only to find cereal, protein powder and bars, porco and marcel’s chips, and the food your mom and dad ate.

this meant they had used your food for this get together. you groaned loudly and slammed the door to the pantry shut. the echo of it immediately silenced the large group in the living room, which held your next homicide victims.

you stomped into the room, irritation written all over your face as you looked at your brothers, who were hugging each other in fear.

“first, you ignore my texts asking you to shut your big fucking mouths. then, you decided death when you chose to serve your friends my food.” the two teenage boys nodded wearily.

with a battle scream, you jumped over the coffee table and on top of them on the leather couch, fists swinging. they shrieked in fear, scrambling under your weight to get away as everyone else in the room laughed at the scene.

you sat on porco’s back, the main offender, and held his head up by digging your thumbs into the bones of his eyebrows.

“porco, if you want me off of your’s and marcel’s ass in the next week; you better drive me to fucking mc donald’s, get me food, and pay for it!!! deal?!” you shouted at him, kicking away the hand that was reaching around to shove you away.

he slammed him palm onto the couch two times, “okay, okay!!! deal!! now get your ass off of me!!!”

you let go of his face and got off of him, but not without giving him a hard slap to the side of the head.

reiner hooted and clapped his large hands together, “another wrestling victory for (name)!!!”

everyone laughed a little, and you did a little bow before plopping down next to pieck, a college student you met in junior year while she was a senior who you were actually quite close with.

“how do you always manage to get your ass kicked by (name) everytime we come here,” zeke, another friend you’d met in junior year while he was in his senior year, snickered at the misery of porco.

“ha ha,” porco gave a monotone laugh, “leave me alone old man.”

“porco, where’s my mc donalds,” you sang and watched marcel roll his eyes a little.

“(name), it’s 11 o’clock at night. i’m not going to get you fucking mc donalds,” porco snapped but cowered away when you made the slight movement of getting up onto your feet.

“bertholdt’ll drive ‘em!” reiner piped up and everyone turned to said bert.

you felt yourself getting flustered when you took a look at bertholdt. he was tall and lean guy cowering in the corner of your couch with dark red cheeks as he stared back at you. his hair was a dark brown and he had the prettiest light jade colored eyes with a hooked nose right between them.

“oh...,” you were stunned, which was a uncommon occurrence, and felt like it was just you and him, “yeah... i’m down. i don’t think we’ve met before.”

bertholdt gave a shy nod and stood up for the couch, and you noticed just how tall he was. before you could make a step towards him however, porco jumped to his feet and got between you.

“nope! changed my mind! get in the tr—,” you shoved him back onto the couch next to marcel, who had a small and gentle smile.

“bert’s gonna get some,” pieck teased with a giggle as she poked at your sides from her seat.

you laughed bashfully and slapped her hands away, telling bertholdt that you were ready to leave when he was. pieck seized her attacks when you followed after bertholdt when he made his way to your front door.

“don’t forget to use protection,” annie shouted nonchalantly, the whole room bursting into laughter.

after that, both you and bertholdt hurried to get out of the house and into his car.

which led you to now, sitting in the parking lot of the sketchy and dingy mc donald’s eating and talking.

“wait, so when reiner...,” you chew while laughing, “told you marcel had a twin, you thought it was a prank?”

bertholdt chuckles shyly and nods, “yeah. i just.. i never saw you around cause no one pointed you out when we were at school. reiner would do stuff like that ever since we were kids.”

you shake your head with a smile, “so, why’d you decide to transfer to titan high just a couple weeks ago?”

bertholdt thinks for a second, “better music program. reiner mentioned something about it to me once, so then i did my own research. titan has multiple opportunities for their students to get a chance at getting scholarships to prestigious universities for fine arts by competing. also, all my friends are here.”

your heart swells as the way bertholdt eyes shine as he speaks of the music program, so much that you forget to answer for a second.

“oh! so, what instrument do you play?”

“uhm... i play the cello, violin, viola, double bass,” he pauses, “i’m learning the harp, piano, lyre, and the guitar.”

you gape at him, “so you’re a prodigy?!”

he blushes and gives a small shrug, “i’ve never really considered myself as such... but i guess by definition i am.”

“th-then why the hell are you going to titan high?!”

“i still wanted to be a normal kid. my dad put me in public schools with decent music programs so i could still play. my favorites are the piano and the cello.”

“hold out your hand for a second,” you request, to which he obliges.

you take it into your own hand, eyes scanning over the palm of his massive hand. his fingers are worn and he has a writer’s bump on his middle finger despite it being his left hand. he has a bandaid on his pinky finger and the tips of his fingers are a flushed red as well as his knuckles. his nails are perfectly even and trimmed and you notice a scar on his thenar stretching to his radial longtitude crease. you run the tip of your finger over the scar, ignoring how bertholdt flinches at the contact.

bertholdt’s blushing and he feels like he’s going to pass out on the spot. the only other girls he’s been this close to were pieck, annie and his friend ymir, who all have girlfriends.

but then bertholdt feels the soft skin of your lips gently kissing at the scar on his hand with your eyes closed. his heart races and it feels like it’s beating out of his chest.

bert’s pretty sure he can see black dots in his vision.

you look him in the eyes now, “i know we haven’t known each other for that long, but you’re really beautiful, bert.”

bertholdt flushed cheeks turn pale as he faints.

[percyjacksonfan3]

For the salty asks: numbers one, five, six, and twenty through twenty-three please 😇

I live for the chaos so pls just... go off my dude

Ah Tay, reason #187893467 that I love you is that you indulge me in my rants <3

Salty asks are from this post!

K this got LONG so here's a read more!

1. What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?

Honestly even though I don't multi-ship often I DO usually get the appeal behind ships so this is a really short list. This will probably get me some hate but I still to this day can't get behind c/ex@ from the show that will not be named. But then again I do get the appeal of two super attractive women with chemistry and the whole ruler/ girl who makes the ruler change their ways thing. So I guess I get it even if I don't like it?

Also, and this is not to hate on Hinny, but Harry and Ginny from HP are not my cup of tea. I like what fandom has done for them but the actual content we get for them in the books (and movies, but I prefer the books) isn't enough for me to love them. Same with Mal and Alina from S & B/ Grishaverse, they're so bland to me in the books but the show is doing far better with them and actually making Mal ya know. Likeable. Again, I don't ship it, but best friends to lovers is top tier so I get it.

Oh! I also don't really get Dwalin/Ori from The Hobbit, but that is probably in large part because I'm a Dwalin/Nori shipper. Again though, all of the secondary characters' relationships in The Hobbit rely on fans to extrapolate HARD and wear extreme shipper goggles, and ik there's that scene where Dwalin helps Ori out of the river so like.. maybe that's where it's from? I don't hate it or anything but it's always something that's made me go ??? cause I have no idea where the heck it came from.

Apart from that... I can't think of any rn? I feel like I understand where all the PJO ships come from, even if I don't ship them. There are a couple that I don't understand how they can be someone's OTP, just because I find them super boring (no offense to those who ship C@leo or J@siper but I just don't love how Rick handled those relationships). In TSC I think fandom mainly vibes with the same pairings and that's true for most of my book fandoms. With the shows I watch I don't think fans majorly ship anything too out there for me. Maybe I don't interact enough with fandoms to tell. So this is all I got.

5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?

Oh my god, oh my god, this is a can of worms, my lord. A pairing I'm not so sure about, but characters? Abso-fucking-lutely. I took a break from PJO fandom for exactly that reason and the list of characters is endless honestly, for multiple fandoms.

I won't say fandom ruined Bell@rke for me cause I still ship it, but I definitely lost enthusiasm with how toxic the shows fandom was and then that was made even worse when the show completely destroyed itself with the worst writing and plots ever in the latter seasons.

Also I have a feeling that G@me of Thrones/ @soiaf ruined one for me but I can't remember this very second. Maybe not, and again that's probably cause I don't interact with fandoms en masse, usually just through fic and following a few people I vibe with in each.

6. Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?

Yes, quite a few! I used to dislike Drarry (for obvious reasons I feel) and Romione (as a kid I wanted Hermione to be with Harry and even when I grew out of that I really didn't like she was with Ron) but fandom changed that for sure. And same with Darklina now, I was upset cause I felt like the books really underutilized their relationship and fell short of what could have been a super awesome pairing if better explored, but the show fandom is taking it in so many different ways that I'm starting to really love them despite the reasons I shouldn't.

And I won't say I hated Hayffie in THG, but definitely the only reason I ship them is from reading @ellanainthetardis's fic Have a Drink Sweetheart and then all the others written for them. That portrayal of Hayffie and the characters have become my own headcanons now because I've been reading them for so long and they're so good.

Fandom made me ship Leon and Morgana from Merlin too, though that's very lowkey. I never hated them, I just never thought of them as a pairing until reading fic.

20. What is the purest ship in the fandom?

Percabeth. I don't care which fandom, it's Percabeth. Growing up together, going from enemies to friends to best friends to lovers? The establishment of them being best friends and the way Rick wrote that friendship was so pure, and they are a couple with no internal problems, all external, and you just know they're gonna be together through everything, fighting at each other's side, cause that's the way they are. There's a reason they're my OTP and it's cause they are the most well-established, ride or die couple I can think of. They're just so solid.

21. What are your thoughts on crack ships?

Love em for fandom but personally I very rarely get behind crackships just because I usually need a lot of build up, scenes, good dialogue and chemistry, etc. to ship something, so most of my ships aren't crack ships. The only one I can really think of that I actively root for and ship and would read fic for is Billy/ Owen from 911 Lonestar which is just... something.

Like idk if Barduil from The Hobbit is crack because ik it's quite popular... what makes a ship a crack ship anyway? Lack of canon reference? Is it cause they two characters would be so random together because they barely ever interact? Or because it's SO unrealistic you know for sure it will never happen but want it to anyway? Or is it lack of popularity in fandom? I need someone to define this so I have a better answer :D if it's the second option then I have MANY

I love seeing fandom stuff for crack ships though, cause seriously, it's fiction, ship who you want. If you ship two characters just cause you think they're pretty side by side then that's enough for me. Make all of the fan art and fic you like.

22. Popular character you hate?

Oof. Jason from HOO. And Leo in everything after The Lost Hero. I hated Piper in The Lost Hero and Mark of Athena but like her after those. I don't like any of the book characters from S & B except Nikolai, but I like everyone in the show (except David? Why did they make him so weird? Like he's not even awkward, he's straight up rude imo, but anyway). In @soiaf I don't like Jon Snow, I think he's boring. And I despise Jorah Mormont cause I think he's creepy for having a crush on Dany.

Didn't love Stefan in TVD, too much of a goody-two-shoes. I liked dark Stefan but it felt like a totally different character. Honestly most of the characters I don't like cause they're boring or too by-the-book.

OH! A big one in M@rvel is Captain America. Can't stand him honestly, I like him as a character to have in the story, but I like never agree with him on anything. I like a couple of his one-liners but that's it really. I also don't like Gale in THG, idk if that's controversial. Or Lex@ from the show that will not be named because I think she's manipulative and not good for any of the characters i DO love.

Is Ron popular? I think so. I like fandom Ron but not canon Ron and idk why. I think I'm growing out of it but I read those books when I was like 7 initially so I thought it was awful of Ron to stop being friends with Harry because he was jealous and I never really got over that.

There are so many but I'm gonna stop now.

23. Unpopular character you love?

Again, tons. I love anyone whose got kind of a tortured backstory because it makes them more interesting to me.

I love Movieverse Hawkeye! I think Clint is great and while I wish his deafness was canon in Marvel and I don't love J Remmer, I do love Hawkeye a lot. He was honestly one of the only Marvel characters that felt consistent and in-character throughout the movies.

I like President Snow from THG just cause I think he was a fantastic villain. And Effie and Haymitch aren't unpopular, but they're probably my favourites, again because of the fics mentioned above.

Leon from Merlin!! I don't actually think he's unpopular, but he's like... my fourth favourite character in the show which I know IS considered high for most people.

Sandor Clegane from ASOIAF. Not the show, just the books. His book character is phenomenal and I am so excited for GrrM to finish the goddamn series so I know what happens to him.

The Stolls and Katie Gardner from PJO cause fandom created Tratie and sucked me in at a young age.

Bellatrix Lestrange? Is she unpopular? I don't think so but she's another one I think is a fantastic villain. I'm almost more interested in her than Voldemort tbh.

That's probably it!

Thanks so much for the ask Tay, this was tons of fun! Anyone else who's interested can feel free to fill my inbox!

[jidai]

jidai’s budget mutuals/friends appreciation

Hi, all! I’m quite late with this but I decided to put a small friends and mutual appreciations post in hopes of brightening up the end of this year a little bit. ❤️ If you were tagged, please make sure to check below for a small little message from me. However, I want to make it very clear that I truly appreciate all of my mutuals. You guys brighten up my dash and always reblog or create so many funny and creative posts. I just wanted to give a few special shout outs to those that have taken out the time to reach out and interacted with me past my ask box or we just see each other often.

The messages are ordered by your URL, so you might have to scroll for awhile before you see your messages. I’m so sorry lmao. 

Happy New Years, everyone!

@25th​​, Nonnie, the Young Genius. bro, remind me how old you are 🧍‍♀️ Like my brain CANNOT fathom the thought that you’re so skilled at SO many things and you’re not even in your twenties??? PLEASE SPARE THE TALENT. i will even accept crumbs. But I’m writing to tell you that you are such a wonderful presence on my dash. I always look forward to your gfx. They’re so SO good and you’re improving from one post to another. Like WOW. Now, you’re even starting an art blog, too? You’re so dedicated to the arts. I respect that a lot. Your hard work and commitment will bring you very far in life, whatever you decide to do. 

I love interacting with you. You’re such a big sweetheart and full of positivity and energy. I look forward to seeing more of your art and gfx ❤️

@biscuitwalk​, Dann, the AK Wiz. Dann, I know you’re not as active on here so idk when or if you will ever read this but I want to say that I miss you and your creations so, so much. I will say it a hundred times over and OVER but you inspire me so goddamn much. You have no fucking idea. Your works are absolutely gorgeous and unique. I can look at it once and I can instantly recognize your style (and your cute lil’ pufferfish <3). The way you utilize colors and implement various techniques, shapes, textures into your work. Goddamn, you’re so good. I always look to your work if I ever need inspiration and they help me brainstorm. God, I wish I could put it into words how much I adore your works.

We didn’t really talk for long but you seemed like such a kind and fun person to be around. I wish you the best in your future endeavors, wherever you are. Stay safe <3

@elriccs, Mirai, the Short King. 🧍‍♀️ ok look I know, I know I’m TERRIBLE at replying to you and I’m so fucking sorry. I absolutely love to talk to you but my dumbass cannot seem to reply in a timely manner LASELKSAL. That’s on me and I gotta do better. Anyways!!! Thank you SO fucking much for always leaving such kind messages on my work. I swear to god you’re one of my biggest hype man and I ALWAYS look forward to reading your tags. They’re so funny and it makes me all tingly and happy inside. Bro, like, you just radiate big fun vibes, bro. I really hope that I can get to know you better so I can just insult you until it’s too late to walk away </3

And of course, let me also remind you that I love your works so much. They way that you utilize your textures and those muted colors... OOMPH *chefs kiss* I will always love--

@lockhvrts​​, Em the Soulsborne GOD. hi em 🥺 it’s been awhile since I’ve had a proper conversation with you and I hope you’re doing okay! I miss you and our conversations where we do nothing but geek out and complain about the game industry lmao. if you manage to read this, I just wanted to let you know I miss your presence here. It’s been kinda dull not seeing your beautiful soulsborne gifs and your game rants. Let’s catch up soon. <3 stay safe and well!

@nathanprescutt, Benn, the Man. BENNNNNNNN.  I love you a lot bro. I know we haven’t had long conversations for some time and I hope I can change that! You were my first friend on this blog and I will always appreciate it. I remember us just geeking out over your works and how I would always send you a gfx request like once a week LMAO. The one thing that I have always appreciated about you was the fact that you’re very opinionated (if not, very vocal on your stance on things) and you hold your ground. There were a few time where you encouraged me to speak on topics that I think I shouldn’t and that stuck with me for quite awhile. I’m still a nervous rambling mess when it comes to debates but just know that the one time you supported me to voice my opinion--I hold it very dear to my heart. 

While I don’t spend much time together, I will always remember our animal crossing session. It was  so much fun just trashing and chilling on your island. Especially the bar :( that bar was fucking AMAZING. Maybe once FFXVI comes out, we can geek out hehe

Also, thank you so much for sending in photos of all your doggos, omg. I miss seeing them so much I hope they’re doing well. Stay hot, my German bro lol. Ich bin sehr dankbar, so eine tolle Freundin zu haben. ❤️❤️❤️

@noxdivina​, Lin the Big Dick Daddy Kind. The church is open for business bitch and I’m here to preach the GOSPEL.

Okay, jokes aside, I’m really happy that we became mutuals. You’ve always give off this like, mysterious cosmic vibe (????? huh). And your selfies just further proves that you are wtf. But you’re always so kind to those that you interact with. You’re an absolutely sweetheart and like I just want to give you a giant hug every time we interact. You’re such a soft human being. It’s so nice being around you. It’s like being tossed in the oven and baked at 250 degrees F for 25 minutes. And to boot you’re really talented, hello? God really said let there be a perfect human being and yeeted you into the universe. Thank you for always leaving such kind messages and words in my DM/askbox/works. I cherish them so much. I hope I can get to know you better in the future bc you’re rad, bro <3

anyways, updated drawing of u and maya:

i always assume you’re in a black fur parka 24/7 and maya is coatless neck down. also deck me with those jacked arms of yours thanks  🧍‍♀️

(edit: fuck i forgot to draw a PARTY HAT ON MAYA IM SORRY)

@rokuseis​, Sei, the Dumber.

i have nothing to say to you go away you banana hater ASELKSAEKL

BITCH, you doo bee getting on my nerve 24/7/365 🧍‍♀️ you were an unexpected but a very welcomed addition to my life. I can’t believe we really went 1 fuckin’ year without speaking to each other and then suddenly our friendship blew up because over a stupid BANANA. Now you gotta deal with me and my stupid, random, crude ass messages daily. I cannot. Clown to clown communication. But thank you so much bitch for being there for me and telling all of these funny ass stories and life experiences.

I know I don’t say it a lot because when we talk it’s literally just dogs barking at each other but I want to make it clear now: I love your humor and vibe so much. You never fail to make me laugh anytime I talk to you and I appreciate it so much. I can’t tell you how many times I felt better after talking to you. Even though sometimes your fucking jab hits hard and I end up actually inSULTED BY IT. But thank you for becoming my friend and I look forward to all of our stupid moments together. Looking forward to shitting in your sink when I finally fly to your home <3

@wolfamongthem, Anna, the Grinch. Please don’t hurt me for that title. I'm just saying if someone needs a live casting, it’ll be u. Anyways, did you know that I was so fucking intimidated by you for a long ass time, even before we became mutuals aseljas LMAO. I always see your gifs around on explore and they’re so gorgeous and then I look at your text posts and it’s u roasting people like there’s no tomorrow- 🧍‍♀️ bitch I was SCARED OF U KSKS. Now that I’ve talked to you a few times, you’re really funny like where do you find those reaction memes????? Like bro you and your shitposts is my morning cup of coffee. 

Anyways, in 2021 I expect a full-fledge review of all AAA games from you-- no more shit talking in the tags let it all out BITCH. Thank you for being such a great mutual! I look forward to see what weird shit you will send me the next time we talk lmao

@zenien​​, Selm, the I’m-gay-for-Lady-Maria-or-anything-that-moves-in-BB-Bitch™. ok bitch if I’m being honest I wrote yours last so my brain is FRIED. so everything i say from here is raw from the HEARt cause that’s all I got left. But anyhow, we savin’ the best for last! honestly, i didn’t expect you to barge into my life like that. i really didn’t. i was just gonna keep admiring with my 7 feet (2.1336 meters) pole. I’m glad you made the first move because look where we are wtf 🧍‍♀️ friends??? I wouldn’t believe you if you told me that in 2014 when I first followed you lmao. 

You’re such a kind soul. I know you may disagree but I’m determined to convince you. I can’t tell you how much I want to thank you for taking the time to talk to me during my rough bits. It’s like sitting on a wooden bench in a park during sunset and you sit next to me, just enjoying the vast sky. You radiate such peaceful energy. It’s very calming. Or you know, 2 seconds later i’m suddenly suplexed by your 40 tons of insults like what-- 

Thank you for everything, so far. Truly. It’s been so fun listening to you talk about your Bloodborne journey and see your reactions live. It’s been so fun to see you post your graphics and it continues to blow me away. It’s been so fun hearing about your life and the stories of your adulthood. Every words that we have exchanged, I hold dearly to my heart--more than you ever know. Love u bitch.

[trashcatsnark]

thoughts on edens gate and fucking (long post, is mess)

Okay, so I’ve seen some takes about which is folks saying they don’t think the Seeds fuck. Some have been chill valid peeps, others have been less chill. 

Now I’m a dumb bitch who lacks the ability to shut up, so i decided to put my opinion out there. And to clarify, cause I always feel the need to, this is exactly that. It is my opinion which is worth however much you decide. My opinion does not invalidate yours and yours does not invalidate mine. At the end of the day, how we interpret characters in a vidya game is purely subjective and has no bearing on real life. It’s all just fun times, my dudes. 

This is gonna be long as fuck, so strap in folks

So, that being said, a lot of the reasons people are on the “peggies/the seeds don’t fuck” is because of this supposed No Fornication rule in the cult. However, in my own personal play through (which I might have missed who knows) the only evidence I find of this is through Hurk’s dialogue and sometimes a peggie will call you a fornicator in kind of an insulty way. Again, maybe I missed a note somewhere? Who knows, but these are the only indicators I’ve found/experienced.

However, I don’t think that’s a true indicator of the rule being legitimate and in place. As I said before in a more shitposty context, I think it is perfectly within reason that they may have told Hurk that there is a no fornication rule, because if you remember Hurk is a pervert. I think it is perfectly believable that they would tell him that to either A) make him stop hitting on every woman in the cult or B) to drive him away from the cult when they realized he’s gross. And before you say, “well the cult wants as many people as possible, they wouldn’t lie to drive him away just cause they didn’t like him.” Hurk has a line where he says, his buddies were being kidnapped, for some reason the cult didn’t take him. Hurk is an acquired taste of a human being and the cult is not a fan. 

As far as the insult goes, maybe that’s an indicator they don’t like fornication, I guess that might hold water. But, as I’ll explain in a bit, Peggies also say shit that contradicts that. So, I think it could just be as simple as that one peggie thinks we’re a fucking pervert. Hell at John’s ranch there is apparently a peggie who will say they think the deputy’s sin is lust, so maybe that peggie thought so too. 

So, now onto evidence that at least is as legitmate as those two things and goes against them. Note; I will not be mentioning Absolution in any of this, that book is not canonical and contradicts the game in many ways. I may like to borrow from it when I write, but that’s just a personal preference, the book is not canon in anyway shape or form. 

But, Sharky talks about John fucking. He has a line where he jokes that John has gotten the clap so many times, it became a standing ovation. Now, that could just be Sharky being a shit head, could be rumors, whatever. But, I think it hold as much water as what Hurk says, they’re both oddly lovable fuckin idiots. But take it with a grain of salt or dismiss if you want, I don’t control you. 

Secondly, and more damning in my opinion, is male peggies will mention keeping prisoners for breeding. Like????? If Edens Gate was so anti-sex, why the hell would peggies even mention that idea? Once the earth has been purged of sin, they’ll suddenly be allowed to fuck to procreate and fuck non-consenting parties as well? That seems extremely suspicious to me. 

Thirdly, there is a event? action? whatever that triggers sometimes in game where you will find a male peggie dragging a female civilian/resistance member by the ankle in the woods to some location to do something. Me and my friends who have played have seen this over and over again, and it is always a man peggie dragging a woman. Never has it spawned with the genders reversed, never has it spawned with members of the same gender. Now, does this mean for absolute certainty that man peggies are gonna do something sexual and non-consensual to the lady? No, men can do bad things to woman that aren’t sexual. And that can also happen with any combination of gender. However, that mixed with the idea that male peggies want prisoners to breed, I’mma file that under suspicious. 

Also, I’m pretty sure couples have joined the cult, obviously they’re prepared for babies in the bunkers, since John says in a letter to Nick and Kim that they’ve prepared things for babies and mothers. 

And maybe you hear all that and you go, no Snark, I still don’t buy it. There is no fornication rule in the cult, i will die on this hill, The peggies and the Seeds don’t fuck. And you know, maybe fornication is frowned upon in Eden’s Gate, maybe it is bad. And the peggies only mean to breed to repopulate once the collapse has passed or just for in the bunkers. 

But does that mean the Seeds listen to that rule? 

Maybe, maybe not. Cult leaders and religious figures as a whole, aren’t known for being reliable. In fact, a lot of ‘em are hypocrites. Tracey, granted not about sex, even says she saw through the Eden’s Gate bullshit because the Seeds are hypocrites. She says, the peggies weren’t allowed to be angry, but the Seeds were. And this didn’t change until the peggies anger was convenient for the cult and could be weaponized. Who says how deep that hypocrisy runs?

 And this is where I start to narrow in on John, because I think he exemplifies this shit the most. John has by far been the most hoed out Seed in this fandom. Even if he’s not the one you personally thot for, he’s the one most are willing to say is a very sexual person. And there’s canon backing to this, he’s in canon hinted to have some sort of attraction to the deputy, Adelaide sexualizes him. The closest one after that is probably Faith and for her it always is more focused on men sexualizing her, not her herself being a sexual person. 

Beyond that, the Book of Joseph (which while imo much for canon then absolution can still be argued how much is true) but it talks about John having struggled with his vices; namely drugs and sex. And that supposedly following the path of Eden’s Gate, absolving himself of his sins, he is now free of those vices. . 

But is he?

John is modeled largely after televangelists, who have a big history of being discovered to be criminals or sex perverts, just saying. In the Book of Joseph, Joseph talks about John being a chameleon. He puts on a face, he gives you that smile, he tells you whatever will make you say yes. 

A large idea in John’s storyline is that he still struggles with giving in to sin. Joseph tells him, he’s letting his sin ruin the baptism. But he’s supposedly absolved of all sins? So absolved that he absolves others? How does that make sense? Spoiler alert, John’s still a sinful man. His entire character is the idea of someone who pretends and presents himself as being this holy baptist, who shows you how to wash away sins, how to scrub yourself of vices, but is himself proof that it doesn’t work.

So, isn’t it possible, that he still struggles with and at times indulges with his vices? Sure, maybe he doesn’t wanna upset the project and Joseph, didn’t stop him from giving into wrath and trying to kill the deputy in the end. Didn’t stop any of the heralds in fact. 

I think it is completely valid and believable to think behind the scenes John is struggling and failing more with his vices than we realize. I don’t think it’s farfetched to believe John or any of the Seeds will tell you not to do something they do. They’re hypocrites, John shows this the most clearly and is the most logical one for it to potentially center around sex. But literally the entire game shows you why they’re all full of shit. 

Quite frankly, the only one who’s even close to honest is probaby Jacob who basically straight up tells you like “I don’t even fucking know if this god shit is real, but I think the world sucks and is gonna end, so fuck it”  And even he still has some hypocrisy, especially if you compare his ideology to what we supposedly see as being Eden’s Gate beliefs. But that’s a 9 page rant for another day.  But uh, in summary cause this is long enough. The Seeds and Peggies might fuck and thats cool. So if you write/art the seeds being whores, you’re fucking valid, go off. And if you don’t, you’re also valid. If you made it this far through this horrifically unplanned, meandering, mess of bullshit; gold star for you!. 

[softgrungeprophet]

reread like half of bunn’s agent venom run and like, despite the fact that it went through multiple art changes in the end, and flash’s eyes skipped between brown and blue multiple times and so on and so forth

like

do you ever just feel?? some feelings? cause it hit me right in the feels wrt family/found-family and andi and flash’s evolving relationship.

“You’re not my dad!” followed by Agent Venom immediately shrinking, that really gets me...

also

flash’s internal monologue throughout the final issue really gets me

“As a kid, I wanted to be an all-star. I wanted the fans, the ring, and the string of athletic shoe and breakfast food endorsements.

As I got older, I dreamed of following in my idol’s footsteps... becoming an honest-to-goodness super-hero... even though I never really understood what that meant. And if I couldn’t be a super-hero, I just wanted to serve my country.

The one thing I never wanted to be, though, was a father. My old man cured me of any parental aspirations early on.

When he got so drunk he puked all over my comic books... When he went catting around ‘til all hours of the night... When he hit me...

I knew it was wrong... I knew that wasn’t how a dad was supposed to act... and I knew I never wanted to risk becoming anything like him.

Andi told me I should stop trying to act like her father. And she’s right.

Her father died because of me. On the same night she became Mania... also because of me.

So while she may not be my kid, she’s sure as hell my responsibility. And anyone who tries to do her harm will have to get through me.

All those dreams of mine... all those aspirations... Each and every one of ‘em crashed down around me thanks to the ol’ Thompson luck. And when the dreams didn’t come true, I just wanted to forget. So I drank.

But not anymore... because I’ve got something to remind me... A responsibility I can’t turn my back on... and that means fighting...’til your knuckles are raw and the only thing you can taste is your own sweat and blood.”

then on the last page

“Sometimes you have to fight. Until your knuckles are raw. But sometimes it’s just as important to let your guard down.

And just be there.

An all-star, a hero, a soldier. All the things I dreamed of being.

And still surprised... even at the end... with how my life turned out.”

(Venom #42, words by Cullen Bunn, pencils by Jorge Coelho, colors by Lee Loughridge, letters by VC’s Joe Caramagna)

...

and then WHAT THE FUCK DID THE NEXT PEOPLE DO? They tossed flash into space in a free comic book day issue of GotG and then left him in that for a bit, leaving Andi behind, without ever mentioning her name even once, until Space Knight came to pick up the pieces and show how much that hurt her... and just like this one, got canceled

and then in venom inc she’s this passive plot device, the side character in her own fucking story, and flash is being a dickweed even though arguably he had progressed past that point but whatever and now i have to worry about andi potentially dying or being brutalized if cates/stegman get their hands on her, and flash already died last year so oh well

fuck that tiny found family in particular i guess

ugghdjgdfhgdf

i just have a lot of feelings and though i like space knight i don’t think flash should have been sent into space at all; he never should have left her behind... and the fact that dan slott and dave costa saw fit to have him do it AGAIN after venom inc. is really frustrating. the fact that she wasn’t even at his funeral like 7 issues later?? double frustrating (not to mention, where were his mom and sister?) 

(but this is not an asm800 rant post... i already made one of those! lol)

[youniversify]

WEEK 6...?

"To meet this one in all the lifetimes I will be given. In every life, in every chance, in every small opportunity that I will have—let the earth and heavens move so I can see you, meet you, and if it's not too much to ask Fate, I hope I get to love you." - writingcap

In the recent turn of events, this entry is currently optional. To be honest, I was slightly disappointed because I already loaded some possible topics in the entries. Result? This incoherent and self-indulgent rants about the topics I couldn't let go of. Some unfinished. Mostly drabbles because I spitball a lot and my attention span for it barely holds enough—I switch frequently. 

So I made this prompt of two people finding each other over and over again in even in different universes and in different lifetimes because they're soulmates out of whim because my head was swimming with thoughts of this so I manifested into writing it. Although I doubt I'll continue it given that it's farfetched to become a music video (maybe at the greatest, only a school project film), my friends still hyped it. They're wonderful. 

MV IDEA (Ben&Ben's "Araw-Araw")

"Hey."

"Hm?"

"Don't laugh."

"Wala ka pa ngang sinasabi."

"Iiih kasi, my tanong is serious!"

"Ge pagbibigyan kita."

"Naniniwala ka ba sa soulmates?"

Umaga na sa ating duyan 'Wag nang mawawala

"...Like yung multiverse theory eme?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Oo naman."

"Really?"

"Oo ngaaaa. Ang sakin lang, hindi lahat tayo may ganun. May pwedeng dalawa lang sila, may ibang tatlo. Yung iba romantic, iba platonic."

"Ay. Seryoso siya."

"Gago eh malamang seryoso tanong mo 'di ba?"

"'To naman, 'di mabiro. Pero sa tingin mo magkikita sila sa lahat ng universe na 'yun?"

Umaga na sa ating duyan Magmamahal, oh, mahiwaga

-- [CUT TO:]

Their eyes widened. But it followed a retracted confused pair of eyebrows, touch of an unfamiliar thread being prepared. They forget they're not the only ones in the room when someone else interrupts.

"Magkakilala kayo?"

— Parang?                                 — Yes?

The studio lights flicker with anticipation, but neither of them say anything.

[intro instrumental]

Action! The two pretend to bump into each other, the collision of shoulders (albeit choreographed) emitting an unraveling of the thread. Growing familiarity.

They look into each other's eyes, and in them are emotions of...

-- [CUT TO:]

...hatred, envy. Self, why did you agree on letting this damn childhood friend acquaintance stay in their own house again?

Matang magkakilala

"Hanggang ngayon nambabangga ka parin?"

Pota, family friends nga pala magulang namin.

--

Two strangers meet for the first time. "Magkakilala kayo?" And they lose the words they're finding to say.

--

https://youtu.be/5uQLDRlp0xI

I'm actually quite glad I put off watching this when it first released during the week of our Preliminary Examinations, because now I get to marvel at the ingenuity. Extraordinary talent pulsing through the screen. Silent films aren't my cup of tea so going into it, I was doubtful. After watching, I shouldn't have doubted the expression of the 19-year-old dancer and choreographer Sean Lew who wrote, directed, and produced this. I realized I shouldn't be so wary of art that I don't understand fully or those of non-linear stories, seeing other fans' reactions of (albeit it's in our human nature to) breaking down and comprehending the meaning of the scenes. Ika nga, "art—you don't have to understand everything. Mas mahalaga yung nararamdaman mo." And I felt pain, anxiety, turmoil, misery, longing, fear, hope, tranquility, peace, and love. I've been a fan of him since 2018 when I discovered them competing in World of Dance and his partnership with Kaycee Rice—which coincidentally enough, is also the time he started creating this dance film. The juxtaposition of words in each Scene: Peace & War, Harmony & Noise, Give & Take, Hopes & Doubts, Fear & Acceptance; and the choice of music deliberately fit to the abovementioned concepts: Billie Eilish's ocean eyes, Panic! at the Disco's High Hopes, Dermot Kennedy's Glory, etc. And for an experimental film, it has a clear resolution! All of the main character's pursuits of piecing together the puzzle throughout his (what seems to be a coming-of-age) journey actually gives the audience the full picture. He's able to reunite with the one he loves, and though frightened by the possibility of that love leaving again by pushing her away, they eventually get to each other's heads and settle. 

I've been reading audience feedback about how they think it's badass for a character to smoke. Squinting, I read more and learned that herbal cigarettes are what actors use during shooting. Then relieved, I searched deeper. Unfortunately I found out that even though herbal cigs are marketed as safer, they produce tar which is an active agent for causing cancer in regular cigarettes. So, ekis parin sakin if one day I produce any screenwork to have my actors use them. No smokers as characters I guess. I still have to think in special cases though, like if it's more of a plot device than a character stylistic choice. 

So I tried to watch Big Bang Theory with a friend and I just found myself conflicted. Sure, I could make a video analysis essay about misogyny played for laughs and other numerous problematic comedic tropes used throughout the series, but what caught my eye in particular is the character Sheldon Cooper Ph.D., Sc.D. Played by the brilliant Jim Parsons, he's presented as the autistic-coded (that is, not explicitly confirmed by the showrunners nor canonically diagnosed) nerd scientist whose ego is too inflated to make room for tact. Which leads me to my main point: why are stereotypically intelligent fictional characters have low emotional quotient (EQ)? You'd suppose some writers have done research and stumbled upon the IQs and EQs of people. No. Instead, they completely disregard that a person with high regard for the technical sciences wouldn't be kind in the same breath. Realistically, they would value the social sciences because these are what built civilization in the first place and have successfully created and bridged human connection. They would take to heart the value of Psychology as well! 

I discovered this podcast from the online fandom of Gaya sa Pelikula. Remember when I said they're critical thinkers? Well, one of the podcast's hosts sent this article on Parasocial Interaction to one of the lead actors himself. He then replied, grateful, with keeping himself in check as to how he views Karl.     

He did admit in a question from Direk Takes exclusive paid episode that he sometimes doesn't "banlaw" his character Karl Almasen. Banlaw in film context is the act of washing out one's own character by personality traits, attitudes, behavior, and perspective. Common reasons are because (1) playing morally tainted characters can personally affect your mental health, and (2) blurring the lines between that and other types of dangerous characters (abusers, rapists, murderers) could start to take a toll on you and make you fall into the trap of, "Huh. Maybe my character has justifiable points for genocide." In line with this, he says he doesn't banlaw because Karl is inherently this innocent, wide-eyed freshman who sees the good in everyone without malice—says he could use some of that in his real life.     

And that's so valid! He will make you kinder. But because of the fan-suggested article, he took a step back and reevaluated if there should still be a line drawn between him and Karl. In the podcast, we find the answer: Yes. Although Parasocial Interaction is defined as the audience forming a psychological close relationship with those of media personalities, it can still be redefined in the context of the media personality forming a psychological close relationship with his own formed character that may be lead to the constant interaction with his fans, myself included. "Gaya sa Payaso," the aforementioned podcast, tackles this conflict head on as the two main hosts break down situations and discern acceptability. It's an intelligent listen. I am reminded to still create distance between myself and the celebrity, no matter how close we could get. 

https://open.spotify.com/show/7mg92j83PtjmbNnQNWVr8x?si=GMEbSF9TQryQANV3xf6Xqw

Full circle moment: after watching an amazing 3-hour interview about the trials and tribulation of sports (specifically cheer), at 1 am I told Paolo that I wrote about him in my Understanding the Self entries. He responded.

A sight to see: mama and papa sitting outside at a table, eating with my sister. I hand over a slice of chocolate cake from Red Ribbon. She takes it with a full smile, and after I've stood there gaping, she shares a laugh with papa. Though the speakers blare in the garage, the noise is drowned out. 

Mundane. 

Yet unfamiliar. 

Do you ever see your parents' mortality hang over their head? Today, I did.

“Makikiisa tayo sa rebolusyong atin. Uuwi’t uuwian.” - Atria Pacaña

[sinnaisanemotionalman]

30 Things Tag

I was tagged by @eighteenbelow

1. Nickname: None 2. Gender: Male 3. Zodiac sign: Cancer 4. Height: 162cm 5. Time: 9:57 AM 6. Birthday: July 8th 7. Favorite bands: Stone Sour, Owl City, Ninja Sex Party 8. Favorite solo artists: No idea 9. Song stuck in my head: motherfuckin’ Flight Rising shit ‘cause I was just playing a minigame when the servers cut out 10. Last movie I watched: Probably Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them 11. Last show I watched: Rick & Morty 12. When did I create this blog: I didn’t want to stay on the old one when I came back because I wasn’t sure who knew about it in real life anymore and I want the privacy of anonymity 13. What do I post: “original” content is just rants about my life and art, reblogs are news (bad news from the american dump), birbs, relatable memes, interesting stories, fan theories, art prompts and references, and maybe a few educational posts. Almost all those things have their own tags so I can find them when I need ‘em. 14. Last thing I googled: "Flight Rising” 15. Do you have other blogs: So many, but this is the only active one. 16. Do you get asks: Sometimes the stars align after I reblog an “ask meme” and a friend will send something. 17. Why did you choose this blog name: When I came back from the dead and made a new account for a fresh start with old friends, I wanted my name in it so they’d know it was me, but I also wanted to be specific about my gender since last time I spoke to these people I still identified as genderfluid, but had since settled for transmale. 18. Blogs you are following: 64. Many are probably inactive because I keep up with everything posted by every one of them. 19. Followers: 82, I think I’ve weeded out all porn bots, but I think there are tech nerd bots... 20. Favorite colors: Um... All warm colors and black, but if I have to pick, it’s the green in my icon. 21. Average hours of sleep: Depends on how far back you include, last few months it’s been about 8, but this week only I’d say 6. 22. Lucky number: Don’t really have one. 23: Instruments I play: I fucking wish. 24. What I’m wearing right now: blankets 25. How many blankets I sleep with: 2 here, 1 at school. 26. Dream job: Defying the laws of physics to run a tv show all on my own. The show is popular (reaches many people) and has a fuckton of accurate, positive representation for minorities and groups discriminated against. To some it’s an inspiration to make the world a batter place, believing they too can make a difference. To others, it’s that “silly” thing you stay alive for because you may not care about living, but you have to see the next episode. 27. Dream Trip: Everywhere, always. I’m always traveling, always seeing new places. For the rest of my life. 28. Favorite Food: I don’t think I have one. 29. Nationality: Swedish 30. Favorite Song atm: "To the Sky” by Owl City (seriously, it is the happiest most carefree feeling in song form, like I could just fly away above the clouds with sunshine in my heart, it sounds cheesey, but I’ll take it over suicidal apathy anytime)

I tag: @crystal-warrior @heirofavians @ocsartandcheetopuffs @spaceowl @mcloughlin-af

As always, don’t feel obliged to do this, and feel free to say I tagged you even if I didn’t, if that still makes you feel guilty, I’ll tag you if you ask, no problem. It’s okay.

[stimmyvillainarchive]

I don’t steal gifs

Despite how angry I am and how much I wanna cry stressed and angry tears I’m gonna be as mature about this as possible because being an ass isn’t gonna get me anywhere. But I will warn of a rant at the end because I think I deserve it.

So namedrop cause they namedropped me. (and no this is NOT an invitation to go and send them hate and shit. Seriously if you do that block me right fucking now.) calmstim and snotstim are accusing me of stealing and reposting their gifs with no proof whatsoever. Awhile back snotstim came on anon and accused me of this and didn’t follow it up with anything. Didn’t try to talk to me about it. Didn’t ask me to unblock them and discuss it like an adult should. I brushed it off because whatever. I know I didn’t steal anything. So I have nothing to worry about.

Now they’re freaking out because I’ve made gifs from videos they too have made gifs from. Again; not talking to me about it. I never told them to piss off or that I refused to talk about it. They had every chance to ask me to unblock them via logging out and going on anon, but they didn’t. If they had talked with me about it, despite any opinions I may have had about them, I’d respect them enough as a person to try and come to a conclusion. I can be an ass but I wouldn’t do it solely because I wanna be petty. And I can understand the paranoia of worrying about your content being stolen. As an artist that worries me and as an artist I’ve had my content stolen/reposted/uncredited/etc.

One thing I wanna point out in particular is that calmstim accused me of stealing a moon bath bomb gif, reposting it, and not giving credit.

This was a “my bad” on my part. I made a gif of the same video. I had had that video in my bookmarks for a long time before I decided to go on a giffing spree and get it done.

http://stimmyvillain.tumblr.com/post/163231705263/onyx-stimboard-dont-remove-my-caption <-- this is where I forgot to place credit for myself. I apologize for not crediting myself as it’s just given them fuel for their anger.

http://stimmyvillain.tumblr.com/post/162096229153/golden-slumber-bath-bomb-kink-blogs-dont <-- this is where I originally posted my gifset of it. I was actually surprised soon after posting it to see calmstim’s version of the video on my dash. (This was a rather long time ago, so I don’t remember who reblogged it or when.)

I won’t go and disprove every gif being accused of being stolen as original. Since it’d get repetitive. But I will say a few things.

1. calmstim and snotstim never gave proof that these were the same files. They just screenshotted my posts and continued with their false callouts. 

2. Absolutely NO ONE is commenting on the fact I have made many, many, MANY gifsets. AND that I’ve been making gifsets ever since I started this blog. And of course there’s a reason why: there’s nothing wrong with them. They were properly credited and that was that. And to this day no one complains about many gifsets I make.

So if I make original content all the time... What point would I have to steal the content of blogs I don’t like?

And furthermore on that last comment, why would I steal something from people I don’t like? Why would I admit to myself that “oh I’m not good enough to make gifsets of these videos so I’ll just steal ‘em!” I mean I have self image issues. But if there’s something I can respect myself in is knowing that stealing is wrong and that I don’t need to imitate people I don’t like. That would just make me hate myself more. That makes no sense.

3. Do calmstim and snotstim own any of the videos they’ve giffed that they’re accusing me of stealing? No. Is it copyrighted that prevents me and other individuals from giffing it? No.

And on that note as well, I’m sure they have gifs made from videos THEY’VE made themselves. Why wouldn’t I steal them? If I was stealing a bunch of their content already, why set limits? In their eyes I apparently don’t give a damn about any wrongdoing so why try to cover my tracks if it’s “so obvious”?

Because I didn’t steal it. I have no reason to.

4. I can show you all EXACTLY how I make my gifs. I’m sure maybe even a few of you out there remember when I was asking around if somebody knew of an alternative way to make gifs as, at the time, my ingur gif-maker stopped working and any of the imgur staff I contacted did nothing to help. So I needed a new way. stimmybby (don’t dare mess with them for this they didn’t do anything wrong and they aren’t involved) came to me and said they had a tutorial for how to do it! So I do it the same way stimmybby does! I do it like this --> http://stimmybby.tumblr.com/post/155515895053/stimmy-gif-tutorial

I also make all my gifs 230x240. That’s the sizing on all my gifs. The only ones that aren’t like that are a couple of my first gifsets where I was trying to get the hang of things and figure out how to gif things properly. Those may be bigger or smaller.

I know EXACTLY how to make my own content. I am going to be making gifsets on my art/edit blog. Because I like giffing things.

So if I can make it myself... What reason would I have to steal from somebody else.

I’m a person trying to get their name out there. I’m trying to be an artist and a game creator. Doing shit like this would RUIN my reputation. And if I did it then rightfully so. But I didn’t because 1. that would go against my morals/self rules. 2. That’s just straight up shitty and I try to be a decent person. And 3. I don’t support or like snotstim or calmstim so reposting their content would just straight up be saying “everything they make it automatically BETTER than mine and I have no reason to try and do something for myself and accept these people are better than me.”

I wouldn’t do that. Not because I’m petty, no. It’s because I have at least that much self respect and respect for them simply for people that I’d know that wouldn’t be fair to them or me. I may not like them, but I’m not gonna do something to stress them out or hurt them or commit wrong to them simply because I can. I’m no bully. I don’t play like that.

5. With all that said, EVERYONE is absolutely FINE with these adults dragging me-a TEENAGER that has done my best to AVOID them because I’m trying to be mature and avoid conflict-through the mud with no solid evidence.

Which, btw, their followers are having a field day with this.

This one’s my favorite. Which, btw, after this post and all those asks have been screencapped, everyone’s getting IP blocked. If you don’t have the human decency to speak to me like a person then you’re not worth my time.

Which, speaking of picking on a minor, I hope you’re happy cause I was on the verge of having a panic attack in the car with my mom there who was not prepared to handle that.

But after this, I have no reason to speak to these people. They’ve had chances to treat me like a person and took none of them. I blocked them from the start because I felt they were bullies. And this situation proves my point. They called me out on something I didn’t do with no evidence I did it and their followers just... Believed it. No questions asked. I’m declared scum for making my own content.

And the ONLY thing I did that is even remotely close to what they’re accusing me of is if I see a gifset I like, but I do not like the person, then I save the VIDEO for me to gif LATER so I can enjoy the content without feeling unsafe because my comfort is important. I made this blog for MY comfort because I’m a mentally ill person who has to struggle to keep from self harming and who has to struggle with not killing themselves.

I didn’t come here to have people make me feel this horrible for something I did not do. I was having a great day I spent with my girlfriend and now it’s ruined because I’m gonna have to fight the voice in my head telling me that even if I do nothing I ruin everything.

This is why I avoided these people in the first place. To prevent this from happening. Clearly I was wrong.

And no, this rant isn’t for pity. I didn’t want your pity before and I don’t want it now. But I am emotional right now because of the things I described and I feel like an idiot because last night I dared allowed myself to feel safe and happy and I feel like I can’t trust any positive emotions I feel because of shit like this.

This rant isn’t for pity. I’m hoping this rant will just make you consider listening to to the smaller voices. I’m no big name stim blog who has thousands of people to listen to whatever I say and believe it. I’m just a kid trying to do something healthy for themselves and giffing is something that I find phenomenally relaxing. And I’m going to continue doing it. And unless you have footage of me stealing their gifs then you have no right to try and stop me from doing something that is not wrong.

If I do something wrong, I ask people to point it out to me. As a white person I want someone to point out if I did something racist so I can learn from my mistakes and unlearn racism. As a man I want someone to point out if I did something sexist so I can learn from my mistakes and unlearn sexism. As an able-bodied person I want somone to if I did something ableist so I can learn from my mistakes and unlearn ableism. So I’d want the same if I stole something. But I didn’t do anything except make my own gifs and now I’m being punished for it. If I’m mature enough to accept I’m just as capable of doing bigoted things as anyone else, then I’m mature enough to accept if I stole something.

But I didn’t. And I demand to be treated like a person or I have nothing to say to you and nothing to do with you.

And for that matter if you’d like to talk about this calmly and maturely, I’d be fine with that. Everyone else who’d rather throw names and tell me I’m lower than scum will be met with a block because you are not worth my time, patience, or energy. Enough of that has been wasted on this because I’m constantly struggling with the feeling that I destroy and ruin everything I come into any form of contact with. And this situation didn’t do anything to help me out.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I probably need to go cry out these overflowing emotions I’m feeling. But before I end this I’m going to emphasize this because the tumblr community needs to be told this.

Absolutely DO NOT go and harass anyone mentioned here. I don’t care how you think of them. You send anything that’s harmful or even slightly shitty then I don’t want anything to do with you because you’re a giant hypocrite and you’ve ignored everything I just said and I want no part in your company.

[mayakyaa]

anime impressions / recommendations for summer 2017!

made in abyss (watched 3 eps!) the strongest premiere i saw and i really liked the eerie, foreboding intrigue and the very artful and deliberate worldbuilding, honestly the mysteries they’ve set up make me want to follow the story through + the young children characters are very endearing and have sweet dynamics but... i’ve heard that it can get kinda questionable the more the story progresses (e.g. nudity, violence, gore??) which is why i would only recommend this to those who can take such things and won’t be dismayed by them. i, on the other hand, am gonna nope out of here as soon as something scary happens! let’s see how long i can hang on cause i do want to! i think you’ll be able to tell by ep 3 whether the series appeals to you/doesn’t gross you out but yeah!! this show is definitely not free of issues but it is interesting AND has a good female lead!

mahoujin guru guru (watched 1 ep!) a really wonderfully happy and cheerful bouncy fun time!! you’ll love this if you liked akazukin chacha (a childhood fav of mine) and playing RPGs -- the main guy and girl are really cute together too--a lovely smol couple that doesn’t fight every second and instead supports each other in a comedy show!  

welcome to the ballroom (watched 3 eps!) v bland and unconvincing set-up, v sexist and disgusting sexualisation and objectification and side-lining of shizuku, the main female character... for a sport that is mixed, it sure does focus entirely on the narrative of the guys to the detriment of the females... i ranted about this extensively on twitter but yeah this is a summary of my disappointment in this show nice animation and good pacing just couldn’t save it for me, but if you can stand the v v upsetting treatment of shizuku, maybe you’ll like this..?

tsurezure children (watched 3 eps!) generally OK short skits of various teenage couples... alarm bells in ep 1 when one of the couples main gag was based off rape jokes/blackmail... they haven’t appeared since but that has left a bad taste in my mouth if you want to watch a better romcom anime with more endearing characters and even smarter jokes based off shoujo tropes, please watch Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun instead! (unless you want romantic payoff, because nozaki’s beautiful ships never truly set sail... but i love em anyway!)

princess principal (watched 1 ep!) a bit too edgy and dark for me, but didn’t spot any glaring issues/alarm bells in the first ep -- watch this if you want a spy thriller with an all-female lead cast!

action heroine cheer squad  (watched 1 ep!) really cute!!! show about girls becoming heroines as mascots for their town!! everything is mediocre (character designs, animation etc) BUT it had a lot of heart... so yeah! watch this if you want something cute and feel good?

Kirakira Precure (watched 24 eps!) I am still keeping up with this and loving it!! I usually get bored of Precures by this point, but KKP has actually been quite snappy with introducing new arcs and important characters (:  The only thing I do find it lacking in is its action scenes and the lack of focus on the other cures besides Ichika, but am optimistic for an equally engaging second half now!

[tribelamag-blog]

http://tribelamagazine.com/new-voice-home-for-holidays-by-m-g-poe-delightful-suspensive-short-story/ TribeLA Magazine • Los Angeles “You’ve become as bat-shit crazy as she is. ���Ricky spend th’ night’…’Ricky stay fer dinner,’” he continued, mimicking me. “When the bloody hell were ya gonna tell me I’d be eatin’ my dead sister’s brains for dinner?” #Arttoday #MGpoe #Shorthalloweenstories

New Post has been published on http://tribelamagazine.com/new-voice-home-for-holidays-by-m-g-poe-delightful-suspensive-short-story/

Home for the Holidays: A short story by M.G. Poe – When a visit home is an eerie reminder of why you left! An unforgettable family feast awaits

Home for the Holidays By M.G. Poe

“D’ you want to spend the night?” I asked in a hushed tone.

“I don’t know,” he said sullenly, “I’m allergic to dogs now, you know.”

He followed me from the foyer into the kitchen, looking familiarly around in the dim light. His obvious unease made me want to laugh.

“You’re not allergic!” I said. “It’s after three in the morning. Where you gonna go?”

“Back to my hotel room, for starters. Anywhere but here.”

“Mama’s asleep. And she won’t even know you’re here. C’mon, stay.”

“She’s got those three smelly little things sleeping with her now.” He looked sourly in the direction of the bedroom. “I can see them from here. Beady little eyes. Pointy little heads. Guardians at the gates of hell. I hate little dogs.”

I snorted. “Their eyes are closed. They’re sleepin’, too. Let’s have a nightcap.” I suggested, brushing aside his objections. “You can share my bed. Nothin’ there but a stuffed cat and some pillows. And, you can tell me all about livin’ in Los Angeles.”

“Stuffed cat,” he repeated. “Hansel or Gretel?”

“Hansel. Gretel’s out in the family room with the trees and Grandmamma.”

“I don’t know how you live here. “

“It’s not hard. Mama’s in bed by 8:30. Takes a sleepin’ pill most nights. Sleeps like the dead ‘cept on those nights when she don’t. She’s got cable. Internet. She pays for everythin’. It’s pretty easy.”

He glanced skyward, then back at me. “Does the bathroom still smell all funereally-lily-of-the-valley-like? I don’t even know why I ask. Nothing ever changes here. God, every time I’d take a shit it was like dung and flowers. Makes me want to aspirate thinking about it.”

“Then don’t think about it.” I responded wrinkling my nose at him.

“What in holy-hell are those?” He peered intently at the dead trees in the family room. They hadn’t been here when he left.

“Shh,” I said afraid his raised voice would wake Mama. “Christmas trees, I told ya’. Well, used to be anyway. Just dried up ole Frasers Firs now. Constantly droppin’ needles too, but Mama won’t let me get rid of ‘em. Stupid dogs try to chew ‘em, then they end up throwin’ up everywhere. There’s little red Gretel on the couch. See her? And Grandmama in her rockin’ chair.”

“Hi Grandmama!” Ricky said sotto voce and waved exaggeratedly. “Eh, no response. She hasn’t said a word to me in years. I used to be her favorite.”

“Ricky!” I giggled, glad he was here.

We’d been each other’s only source of understanding growing up. Keeping family secrets, sharing the black humor that had to go with it in order to survive. The few texts and phone calls I got from him a year were never enough. Especially after our sister Jenny died. It was so good to see him again. Maybe he’d even stay for supper tomorrow.

“One—two—eight trees?” he was counting as he spoke.

“Two more in the den,” I informed him. “So, tell me, what’s new in L.A.’s corporate advertisin’ scene? Which movie stars have you seen lately?”

“You know these are fire hazards,” he said, sounding concerned, ignoring my attempts at conversation. “These are more trees than the years I’ve been gone. What happen? Did you and she decide to double up on holiday cheer?” he asked caustically. Sometimes he could be harsh.

“You’re soundin’ more and more like a Yankee livin’ out west.” I said, accusingly. “Not much anymore like my big brother.”

“Still him, darlin’,” he said donning a slight twang.

Walking around the edge of the kitchen he leaned over the worn terrazzo counter that opened up into the family room, peered in and said, “You know, we could light a match. This place would go up like dry tinder. Fitting end to the House of The Living Dead, ‘you ask me. Watch’a say? Mama doesn’t weigh much. I’ll haul ‘er over my shoulder and carry her out. Wouldn’t want that on our conscience, too. But let’s leave the mini-hotdog hounds to smolder and burn. I hate little dogs,” he said disgustedly, yet again.

I walked quietly over to stand by him, ignoring his rant. “My therapist says she’s got attachment issues. Gets worse as she gets older.”

“Yeah? And what does your therapist say about you, little sis?”

“Says I’m enabling her. What am I supposed to do?”

“Leave,” he said seriously. There was no banter in his voice now. The conversation had suddenly turned serious.

“Like you did?” It was an accusation. I hated how it sounded, but I couldn’t help it. “Why don’t you try not hatin’ her, Ricky? Maybe you hate her ‘cause you hate your part in it. But you had a part. We all did. We were just children, but we all played a part. Here,” I said, handing him a gin and tonic. “Drink up. Try and relax.”

“But we are not children now, Franky,” he said taking the glass. “You’ve lived here so long you think this is normal. Dead trees in the family room, stuffed cats in the bedroom, Grandmama in her rocking chair, Morticia for a mother. Franky, other people don’t live like this.”

“Ricky, It’s Jenny’s birthday tomorrow. Please stay for the supper. You’ve missed it for the last four years. Don’t miss the birthday again, Rick. It really upsets her.”

“I know what day it is, Franky. And, I don’t care about upsetting her!”

“Ricky, is that really you?” A female called from the bedroom doorway, small vestiges of drowsiness still in her voice. “Oh, my Lord, Ricky! Boys, it’s Ricky!”

Twelve sets of canine nails clipped noisily across the wood parquet floor, straight over to sniff at my brother’s pant leg. I saw him shake his right leg slightly, then give a sideways kick hitting Silus, the more aggressive of the three, in the stomach. With an “oof” the little dog skittered sideways just a little, only to return undeterred to continue sniffing at Ricky’s feet.

“Now, hush, boys,” Mama said to the dogs. “Ricky, let them get to know you, darlin.’”

He looked at me, not bothering to lower his voice, his drawl deepening with anger, “I thought y’said she slept like the dead. Dammit, I hate little dogs.” He shook his leg again, this time more vehemently. The trio scattered like rats, scurrying, clipping sideways across the floor to stand cautiously just a few feet away.

“Hi, Mama,” he said sounding resigned.

“Mama,” I said nervously, “We didn’t hear you get up.”

“Ricky Joe!” Mama ignored me. Her long coarse black hair streaked heavily with gray, disheveled as always, and wearing her usual white floor length nightgown, she padded over to us, barefoot. “You came for your sister’s 28th birthday!” She sounded downright elated. “Franky, you didn’t tell me he was comin’. You always were the sneaky child. My handsome boy,” she addressed him, pulling him toward her. He had no choice but to bend down, as she reached up. Mama planted a kiss on my brother’s cheek, then patted the place where her lips had been lovingly with her hand. “My boy is home, at last.”

“Darlin’,” Mama said to me, “I’m having a hard time sleepin’, must be tomorrow’s excitement. Can you get me a tiny scotch in that crystal highball that used to be your Daddy’s? Now it is a darn shame he’s buried at the cemetery in Dunwoody. We might’ve had the whole family here tomorrow!” She turned back to Ricky then, grabbed his hand, looked up into his light grey eyes so like her own. “Uncle Henry and Cousin Viv, they’re comin’ too, Ricky.

“Open the freezer, Francesca Jane, give your brother a sneak peek at the special dish we have got for tomorrow night’s supper,” Mama said impatiently. Fully awake, her eyes now alert with that strange manic intensity and zeal of enthusiasm Ricky and I had been so wary of as kids. She spoke casually, with the slow aplomb so common to our Southern Georgian drawl. “Your sister here, bless her heart, got the recipe from the internet for me. She’s using that new hi-fi we had installed. Why, you can find anything on there! But, I could never have found it on my own. You’ve got to know how to—”

“Mama, I keep tellin’ ya,’ it’s Wi-Fi, not ‘hi-fi,’” I said tiredly.

“What the hell you talkin’ about Mama?” Ricky interrupted. He was visibly upset now and getting angrier. “Uncle Henry’s dead, and Vivian lives in Vermont now, remember? Franky, how—do—you—let—this—go—on?” My brother flung each word so forcefully at me, it sounded like bullets shooting from a pistol.

“Oh,” Mama muttered, pointing her finger at nowhere, forehead crinkling. “I have gotten that wrong then. Franky, who did you say was comin’ tomorrow?”

“Mama, please, go back to bed.” I said, trying to keep my voice calm.

“Francesca Jane,” Mama insisted, “Let your brother say hello to his sister first!”

I didn’t move. Didn’t know what to do.

This was definitely not how I had envisioned the evening.

I should have known it would come to this.

“Fine,” Mama said with finality, “I’ll just get her myself. Ricky, she’s just a beautiful work of art this year. When workin’ with brains, it is important to remember that they essentially have no flavor—we learned that from the Internet—although their texture is delightfully creamy and rich. Which is why the flavor of the aspic and the Montpellier butter becomes so very important. Isn’t that what we learned, Franky? You know, I am really likin’ that Internet. Such practical know-how and advice available on there. You just have to know how to look. And, that hi-fi you had me install, Franky, is so convenient.”

“Wi-Fi Mama!”

Her small form brushed past me, opening the refrigerator door. Her eyes still lit with a fever from within. “Ah, here she is! After 10 years, you wouldn’t think there’d be enough of her left, but there’s still a good bit. My baby, she was such an intelligent child. ‘Remember me,’ she said when she was dying, ‘Have a little snack of me every year on my birthday.’ And, that’s exactly what we did. You remember when you kids were still teenagers we used to call ‘em Jenny Patties? Better than the cat patties we served up at your high school’s Hallowe’en Harvest Fest when you were a junior, Ricky, remember? Our own private trick or treat! Nobody could tell the difference between the cat patties and the cow patties, but if they’d been Jenny patties they would have known! My own angel, Jenny Elaina. Born and died on the Lord’s birthday.”

“Mama, please,” I implored. Ricky was looking decidedly pallid. He’d thought this long over. Yeah, well, think again, Rick. You can’t just put your past in a box, move away, and pretend it doesn’t exist just because you aren’t livin’ it anymore. I still live it every day. Somebody‘s got to keep order ‘round here, and that somebody’s been me since you left.

“I really wanted to stuff her head,” Mama continued, unperturbed, “like we did with Hansel and Gretel. Jenny had such beautiful long hair, remember? So straight and black, like a gypsy’s. But Franky, she said we’d waited too long for that,” Mama gave a slight rueful moue. “So, we pickled her big green eyes and jellied her beautiful brain! And look,” Mama held the brown curd-like half-frozen mold aloft gleefully like a culinary prize at the Georgia State Fair. “How delicious is this gonna be?! She’s a delicacy!”

“Ok, Mama,” I said grabbing the mold from her, “let me have that now, it’s not finished sett’lin’ yet. We gotta put it back in or else it won’t be ready by tomorrow night,” I tried reasoning.

Ricky’s eyes were buggy, staring at me. “What?” I said, annoyed. “Careful or we’ll pickle you, too,” I added perversely.

He was not amused. “Whadaya mean ‘whaaat?’” He snarled back at me, his carefully constructed western pitch forgotten.

Suddenly, we were 11 and 14 again.

“What’m I suppose to do with her?” I asked.

“Well for starters commit ‘er, not help ‘er!”

“Now Ricky, that’s just not that easy. What about the neighbors? Can you imagine the gossip? Poor Mama dragged through the mud that way.” I clicked my tongue, “Is that really what you want for her in her last years? ‘Sides, it’s not like she’s harmin’ anyone, really.” I looked thoughtfully down at the mold. “It really is gonna be a very tasty dish.”

“You’ve become as bat-shit crazy as she is. ‘Ricky spend th’ night’…’Ricky stay fer dinner,’” he continued, mimicking me. “When the bloody hell were ya gonna tell me I’d be eatin’ my dead sister’s brains for dinner?”

“It wouldn’t be the first-time, now would it? And, you’re in the deep south now, Ricky Joe, it ain’t dinner here, it’s supper!”

Writer M.G. Poe grew up in Miami, and now makes her home in the City of Angeles. With over 12 years-experience as a commercial and content copywriter for the radio, retail, and landscape architecture industries, she is not ashamed to admit that she can still crank out copy under deadline in two hours or less. She holds an MFA in Creative Non-Fiction from Antioch University Los Angeles, and a BA in Telecommunications-Management from Florida International University. Her non-fiction articles, political discourses, and short stories have been published in numerous publications.

Her loves include wine, travel, music, California culture, politics, and all things feline. She believes in Law of Attraction, anarchy Ursula Le Guin-style, and likes to ponder the peculiarities of the Quantum, especially when working on her current project, a novel about time travel, the multi-universe and the nature of existence. She is also an award-winning jewelry designer producing works under the name of Mac Originals.

Find M.G. Poe at her blog: Life Re-Viewed at 308CherryLane.wordpress.com, and follow her on Instagram @darkvikingqueen and on Twitter @arbitraryphoton